The Winonan - 2000S
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Winona State University OpenRiver The inonW an - 2000s The inonW an – Student Newspaper 4-2-2003 The inonW an Winona State University Follow this and additional works at: https://openriver.winona.edu/thewinonan2000s Recommended Citation Winona State University, "The inonW an" (2003). The Winonan - 2000s. 78. https://openriver.winona.edu/thewinonan2000s/78 This Newspaper is brought to you for free and open access by the The inonW an – Student Newspaper at OpenRiver. It has been accepted for inclusion in The inonW an - 2000s by an authorized administrator of OpenRiver. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Sports This issue was inspired by all April Op/Ed Fools. Do not believe anything you Winona State read (unless you want to). For the real What are hires new these editors campus news, events, entertainment running from? mascot, and sports, see Pages 9-14. Page 4 Page 8 Vi ii once State YliA7e,rsi ty WENONAHAN- Wednesday, April 2, 2003 www.winona.edu/winonan Volume 3 Issue 1 Budget problem solved President Krueger wins Powerball; shares wealth with students Kristen Berns before registration. Mexico for spring break next year. "I was scared some students might have to quit He also plans to fund a project to build a new ±.41, WENONAHAN school because tuition is going up next fall but this football stadium at WSU. Negotiations for the stadi- o rvo amen fc.ors will prevent any students from leaving," Krueger um are still in early planning Krueger said. He It's a win of a lifetime for Winona State Universi- said. hopes to have to new field finished by next year. ty President Darrell Krueger and a win for all the Krueger also said his winnings will help profes- "They're really a great bunch of guys and it's pry frOptip tot as, students too. sors and faculty pay raises at WSU and help prevent about time. We have new turf and a new stadium ',UMW preng rvif • sw After winning $40 million dollars in last week's the potential lay offs that would happen if Governor would look good too," Krueger said. rooms,' ritp 0x1 ,,,$5 Powerball, Krueger, without hesitation, has decided Pawlenty's budget cuts pass. The official announcement of the winnings will to pay the tuition for all WSU students. "I wouldn't feel right if I kept the money just for be Friday, April 4 at McCown Gym in Memorial "I've had it with this budget problem. This is a myself. This way no jobs will be cut and students_ Hall where WSU students can eat lunch bought by community of learners and I don't want anything to won't have to take out those loans that they'll spend Krueger. Students can also register to have their get in the way of their dedication to improving the the rest of their lives paying off," Krueger said. names in a drawing for a chance to win $1,000 in world," Krueger said. "I'm not the gamblin' type Krueger said after he's done spreading his wealth bookstore vouchers. but I do love my Powerball." there won't be any budget problems at WSU. All students who wear purple and show a valid Krueger found out he won the lottery last week Of course Krueger is saving a little bit of the win- ID will get in free. and wanted to surprise the whole student body nings for himself. He plans to travel to Cancun, Meghann Miller/WENONANHAN The new "laptop program" at WSU Faculty Quill screwed and ink over in replace I contract laptops mishap Theodore Evans WENONAHAN Paul Sloth Winona State University's lease of Gate- way laptops is expiring, and instead of mov- UNSPECIAL TO THE WENONAHAN ing forward with technology, WSU has A computer error that went unno- decided to sprint backwards. Quill and ink, the early 1800s form of ticed until after the legislature voted Jenny Butler/WENONAHAN communication, will be replacing laptops against contract ratification, has Min- nesota university faculty working at Another helpless Winona State student becomes the victim of the huge friggin' worm harboring in due to a recent survey finding laptops ineffi- cient and more distracting than beneficial. 1898 salaries. the tunnel that connects Lourdes and Maria Hall. On Friday, janitor Ash killed the ugly thing with a The survey found that the laptops "While this is a really big error, Remington shotgun. Alas, Winona State is once again safe from giant student-eating evil worms. required many trips to the technology center until the contracts are renegotiated it for upgrades, and students would often use will save the state billions," Governor the laptop computers to download music, Tim Pawlenty said. "Heck, with pornography and instant message friends. these savings we will probably sin- "It is much easier to catch a student pass- gle-handedly wipe out the budget ing a note than to catch them chatting with deficit." anitor kills huge worm friends on a laptop," Joe Whetstone, direc- If faculty thought going back to 1998 wages was bad, wait until they tor of technology at WSU, said. Supporters of the quill and ink program see what teachers made back in 1898. believe students will benefit from the time Teachers at the Winona Normal and effort needed to write term papers. School made $200 a year, and there in Maria-Lourdes tunnel Emphasis on calligraphy and blotless was no such thing as health benefits papers will help students to not take com- back then, the only benefit was a free Brian Krans creature approximately 100 feet long out," Ash said. munication for granted, Whetstone said. room in the faculty dorm, which once and more than 10 feet across at its Upon arrival, Ash found the crea- Incoming students must sign leases, for stood where Morey Hall stands today. WENONAHAN widest diameter, said Winona State ture filled the entire tunnel. the set of three handmade quills and quart- "We are looking to see if any fac- biology professor Russell Scrat. According to Ash, the worm had sized crystal ink bottle, at registration. The ulty members are interested in staying A janitor killed a giant worm-like The Graboid's body is covered three heads, which seemed to extend quill and ink plan will be costing students in Morey after the students leave for creature in the tunnel connecting with a dense, leathery carapace mak- from the mouth. the summer," said Tess Krueger, $200 per semester. • Lourdes and Maria Hall on Winona ing it hard to kill, said a Winona State Seeing the opportunity for 15 min- At the end of a two-year lease, students director of human resources. "That's State University's west campus Fri- janitor. utes of fame, Ash said he called a are given the option of purchasing their quill really all we have to offer." day. The janitor, Bruce Campbell — Wenonahan reporter immediately. and ink writing set for an additional $20. While Morey would be converted The creature, a Graboid, is similar who asked to be referred to as Ash for When the reporter arrived, Ash Upgrades for the quill and ink combo are into rooms for faculty, they would to that seen in the epic drama block- the article-- said a student contacted was standing at the bleeding mouth of included in the lease. Students can also still be able to use the facilities. buster movie "Tremors" - starring him about the creature. the Graboid. comb out grease clumps on the quill and "If they want to use the weight Kevin Bacon. "She was pretty shaken up, so I fig- find free ink refills at the technology center, See Screwed, Page 3 The Graboid is a worm-shaped ured I would go down there to check it See Worm, Page 3 in Somsen Hall. 1 New security task force whoopin' ass Bill Radde David "Loco" Kolodzinski when the library was first his methods were effective said, "The primary objec- opened." in making group study UNSPECIAL TO THE tive of G-SET is to relieve The impetus for the task rooms safe again for other WENONAHAN Winona State of the force was spearheaded by groups who wished to uti- pompous and arrogant indi- political science professor lize the space. For all of those groups viduals who selfishly and student senate advisor In lieu of a state-wide who have ever wanted to indulge upon the library's James Bromeland. budget crisis, the student actually use the group study 12 group study rooms, and "We had a similar prob- senate was unable to allo- rooms, but have been to once again make it safe lem while I was attending cate any funds for the task deterred by individuals in for groups to utilize these Mankato State University in force, but a donation recep- these rooms, have no fear; a quarters." the 70s," Bromeland said. tacle will be mounted in the new task force is here to Kolidzinski and his task "A couple classmates and I main entrance of the library. enforce the rules. force partner Nicole went around scaring out the "Donations will be nec- The Group-Study "Whoop Ass" Flor will stray hippy that would occa- essary for the purchase of Enforcement Team was equally split the 16 hour sionally lock themselves stun tasers, tear gas, hand- recently activated by shift. into a group study room. cuffs, night vision goggles Winona State University's "We are going to be ded- Unlike the students of today and the construction of a student senate. icated and thorough in our who monopolize the rooms temporary holding cell," The two member splinter enforcement, and we will for academic purposes; Kolodzinski said.