Curfew and Lights Out at Eleven O'clock By I. Goldstein there was nobody around to party with, the outsiders would University President John Marburger announced yester- stay away. day a new security plan, which involves confining dorm "I think its a great plan," said Josh Freidlan, "it provides for students to their rooms between the hours of 11:00 p.m. and a terrific study environment for those of us who own flash- 6:00 am. He said that this would "real ly keep this campus -lights." secure. There were, however, some opposing viewpoints. Muffy The plan, according to Marburger was proposed by Public Stein said that the plan was unfair as it restricted her shop- Safety director Gary Barrnes. "If the kiddies are in their rooms ping habits. 'What if Bloomingdales has an exclusive sale and are not allowed out for any reason, then they can do no until midnight, I'd have to leave early." harm." The plan requires that by the hour of 11:00 p.m. all resident students must be in their rooms. "In order to curb any students from going outside, the power to all of the dorms and the surrounding areas will be turned off." Marburger said This policy is being instituted since the university cannot afford to pay its $4.1 million LILCO bill, he said "It will be mandatory bedtime." Barnes said that his officers will be instructed to appre- hend students violating the law and mace them. 'This will help deter offenders and keep the officers and myself happy." According to officials at the school, the new policy is the "What about Thursday nights at the E.O.B.?", screamed result of the crimes that have occurred on campus. Mar- Bob Labotomy. Other students worried about the wee- burger said that something had to be done and quickly. "I kends. "What will we do all weekend. It'll be dullsville," said called in Barnes and he suggested the idea to me as a joke, Pamela Pristine. - but after thinking about it, it all began to make sense." - Barnes said that the policy will go into affect on April first Many students are in favor of the plan but question its and that notification of the rules and consequences for effectiveness. Sophia Laurence, a junior asked "What about violators will be mailed out shortly thereafter. "This way, it otaic:mn/o JUIVldmar ie recci the people who don't attend the school?" Barnes said that if gives my staff some tirme to play around a bit." John Marburger
- - ~Barnes & Francis Noble Ties Gary Barnes, director of Public Safety, announced that he living in Ohio, has afforded him a mansion in Bel Air, a yacht, -Officials Ban will resign in order to oversee his 50 percent stock interest in -and several other "vacation spots,". He would not disclose Barnes and Noble Bookstore. The other 50 percent is owned the location of these houses since 'Students would proba- by Robert Francis, former vice president for Campus Opera- bly drop by whenever they wanted." All Drinking tions, who has used Francis as an alias instead of his real When questioning Noble/Francis, he admitted that he and name, Noble. Barnes thought of the idea while fishing on a lake in Ohio. By Ray of Sunshine Statesman learned that Barnes was a silent partner in the "Me and Gary go way back. I don't recall who thought of the University President John Marburger announced on bookstore chain since its started in 1947, after stock reports, idea, but we figured why not open a bookstore that will Monday that beginning April 4, drinking will be forbidden addressed to both owners, were dropped off at Statesman charge higher prices for required textbooks for students' on campus - not only drinking of alcoholic beverages, offices. -At first Noble-Francis and Barnes denied that they classes," he said in a-phonte interview yesterday. "This way but drinking of any beverag es. owned the chain of bookstores, but then admitted it after we could get even more money than charging reasonable "We have decided that there is a clear connection reporters disclosed their evidence. prices." between students consuming beverages and the continu- Barnes said that he does not remember if he originated the Both Barnes and Noble (Francis) were questioned as to ing problems of overcrowded classes, overcrowded dor- idea of a bookstore that would "cheat students", but did -'how they happened to get employed as administrators at mitories, and insufficient parking on campus," Marburger confirm that he contributed half of the money needed to Stony Brook. Noble Francis said, "Well you see I came here said. "Ibis new policy should begin to show positive start the bookstore chain. first and paved the way for Bames to come." The two results after about five days," he said. *'l have interest in the store, but whether or not I origi- decided to build a bookstore on campus before they landed As part of the new "anti-liquid" inititative, campus nated the idea is not an issue here," Barnes said yesterday. jobs here. operations workers will remove drinking fountains from According to Barnes, he and his partner, Noble/Francis have - Noble/Francis, who currently resides in Flordia, did not all of Stony Brook's academic and residential buildings. decided to open another Barnes and Noble next month He say whether the new bookstore would be opening in Fort Marburger said that the original plan included shutting would not comment on the planned location. Barnes said Lauderdale. However, Statesman has learned that Barnes off all water supplies to the dormitories, but some stu- that the income from the stock which he acquired while (continued on page 10) dents complained that they would not be able to shower without water. Marburger said that water service to Stage XVI, which houses mostly graduate students, will be discontinued "Those big, smelly hippies never bathe anyhow," said ?77? ???7?? ??? ?7? for ??????? Patricia Teed. The campus dining service has already pledged its support of the initiative, with an announcement on Tues- day outlining the changes in the meal plan. Charles Thrasher, director of DAKA on campus, said that all juice and milk machines will be converted to cereal dis- pensers. However, Thrasher said that the cafeterias will continue to serve coffee, as DAKA's coffee is not really a liquid. "How am I supposed to eat my Fruit Loops without any liquid?!?!?" screamed Super-senior Brian Tubby as he was dragged from Kelly Cafeteria for trying to steal a bottle of Palmolive from the kitchen. 'To make it easier on the students," Thrasher said, "we will be cutting down the amount of salt in the food." He said that the daily sodium usage will be reduced to Statesman/Andrew Mohan {continued on page IO) Bob Francis (Noble) Gary Barnes ABUN CA26y "The Year of "Idon't know what I'll do. I get these phone Fire Burns Forms Director Gary Barnes said that instead of While Flaganan last book, the praise calls, horrible calls, oh, GocL You're not All room-selection forms were burned to a showing identification when entering the the France" was alos a bestseeler, " going to print this, are you?. He'll hurt me!" crisp yesterday, according to university offi- main entrance, students will now be asked a hes curretly receiving is unparralelled. he said. "Iwas "I'm my mother,sasserted Joachim in a cials, after a fire broke out in the office where Ipassword, which will be distributed to stu- supose its good for the sole," wile recent interview. Barred by the federal the forms were stored dents each week. poised to throw it in, but now I have the government, Joachim's clandestine group is Students who signed up for rooms, offi- "I think this will solve the problem with to go on." largely unknown to the American public. icials said, will not be given a choice as to those who forget their id's or those who sit at "'1 dont see what all the stink it about,'said Marked only by the symbol of a skull and a where they want to live. "Since the deadline the gate for hours searching for their idUs," Lewis Samson, a winer of the Noble Prize - banana, the group is believed to have stolen is over, we can't accept more forms," said he said. The password will be mailed to each an award given out yearly an award award dead bodies, attacked the Swedish embassy Daisy Mae of Res Life. Students will be student every week-Statesman will publish given out yearly an award an award given and demanded the abolition of the bottle assigned rooms according to their cumulate the password each week for those who do out yearly an award given out yearly an law. GPA's, Mae said. not get the mail. award given out yearly an award given out The group's name, membership and fund- T'hey may think it's unfair, but it's not our yearly by the Barnes & Noble bookstore is entirely secreve "They're crazy! 1, fault that the fire broke out," she said, "it was Hair Spray, Bad for Ozone chain. "Hes a hack." ing he's crazy! Look at me! Look what its an act of God." Since it was "an act of God," Scientists announced yesterday that the "Who is he?" agsked Billy Joe Harris, form- mean, me!" said Polity's Vice President Mae said, the university will not take the ozone layer above the unesit grounds is *rlya star on the celebrated "Hee Haw" tele- doing to "Don't print this! He'll kill added responsibility of allowing students to deteriorating faster than any other part of vison series. Paul Rubenstein. sign up for their rooms again. the state, blaming the JAPS who use exces- Flaganan, hoiwver, knows full well who he me .. sive amounts of hair spray. is. "I beliebe Iwas Elvis Presley in another #Oh, I don't think he's going to be very DAKA Wins Award The flurocarbons in the hairspray, Dr. Sci life and Ive statrtred taking perscription happy he said that," Joachim hissed through to be very DAKA has won the National Culinary En Tist said, are putting tiny holes in the drug doses to prove it." grit teeth. "I don't think he's going Award, for its outstanding menu and service ozone layer. "At the rate it's going I give it -Asked about facultyy being on drugs, eng- happy at all." Joachim to Stony Brook students. The top three about 7 months to completely vanish," he lish chairmen David Shehan said, "Let him. After a bizzare hospital incident, however, entrees included Chicken Cord On Blue, said. Without an ozone layer, people who III just deny trhe bastard his tenure." was believed to be dead. Ifis name, Rubber Steak, and Pot Luck Dinner. Joe live in the area would suffer various dis- resurfaced in numerous radical circles. FBI Smoe, the food taster of the award, said that eases, such as skin cancer, by the infrared Joachim Possibly Schizo officials began to expect that the under- "DAKA has a unique taste, one that is quite rays of the sun. ground fugitive from justice was still at large distinguishable from all the rest" Most students rarely have the time to when unauthorized brain transplants Flengein Writes Book partcpate in extraciricular activities as well occurred last year at University Hospital. Bus Service Cancelled as maintain their studies. But Polity Assist- While federal officials have not pinned Due to a lack of funding and ungrateful -Best selling auther Tomas Fanlaegin is ant Treasurer Marc Joachim not only finds anything on the reputed criminal master- students, University President John Mar- ejoying criticle praise for his new book 'The time for both, but also stretches his sche- mind, he is under constant watch. "Let's just burber announced yesterday that the bus Tenents of Tune." Siting in his ofice yeser- dule to be the leader of a bizzare under- say we have a creeping suspicion that this service will be cancelled indefinitely. day, Falnegan mused on his recent suc- ground radical fringe group. Joachim character has his fingers in some Marburger said that Walk Service is availa- cesss: "You now," jokked the cherub-like Widely believed dead, Joachim surfaced pretty unholy things," said an law enforce- ble and will have extended hours for those novelast, "A fellow could get used to all this year as an independent candidate in ment agent who request anonimity. 'We'd wishing to be escorted to and from South these attentian." Polity junior representative elections. After like to watch his followers, but we've been P-lot. "I don't know what else to do," he said Falnigon has taugt at the State Unniversity being brutally trounced in the race, Joachim unsuccessful at identifying them." yesterday. of Stonybrook for 120 years now and says he forced his way onto the student government Just who are this mystery man's minions? enjoys teachingg more then anything else. by threats and coercion. "Oh, they're out there. Damn you - they're -Password," Not ID "'Mat innteracction with a class is some "We all hate him," said Treasurer Lisa out there," Joachim said, adding that "I love In order to increase security, Public Safety thing you just cant beet," Flanigin said rMiller. Blinking back tears, Miller continued, you..
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2 Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988
f Polity Members Take Money and Run to Rik3 -By Amelda Sharkshoes According to campus officials, members of Polity left March 12 for Buenos Aires after depleting the Polity treasury of its $1.3 million student activity fund Polity President Jacques Dorcely, Vice President Paul Rubenstein, Secretary Evynne Grover, Treasurer Lisa Miller, Assistant Treasurer Marc Joachim, and Chair of the Minority Planning Board Stressoir Altemas left for spring break with a little extra money. "We didn't notice they were not in the office until Mon- day," said secretary Eilleen Smith, who received a postcard from the Polity officials that day. "It has been pretty quiet around here since Paul and Jacques have patched things up" Suffolk County Police Department officials said their investigation has led them to believe that Joachin is the mastermind behind the crime. "He has a history of criminal behavior that he craftily concealed," said Detective Martin Gumshoe who is leading the investigation. Gumshoe added that Joachim is an alias for Gonzalo Cubierto, the Paraguayan revolutionary leader thought to be dead "None of us knew he was planning on embezzling money," After being notified of the missing funds and student experiences or the fact that he was an illegal alien. said Miller, who talked to Police officials from the Miami government officials, Gumshoe said his staff tracked plane "He used to date a lot of exotic looking girls," said suitem- Airport, "I'm coming home, I do not want to be implicated in reservations for the group from Kennedy Airport to Buenos ate Bill Wright, "I guess a lot of his dates had a hard time this in any way." Miller added that she was the only one who Aires with one stop in Port Au Prince, Haiti. The group has speaking English, but I just never realized it before." chose not to take a cut of the money and stay in South not been located in Buenos Aires as of yet, said police 4I think my son will return in a matter of days," said America. officials. Rubenstein's mother, "He misses my cooking." "Rubenstein was thinking about it because he had gotten "The postcard was postmarked Buenos Aires," said Gum- Dorcely's relatives said that he had stopped by the house sunburnt and was hung over the day Marc [Joachim] told -shoe,"that's one big city, but we will get them, it is only a on Friday March 12th to pick up some items out of his us," said Miller, "after Marc offered him a bloody mary and matter of time." Gumshoe added that although the suspects summer wardrobe and a companion for the trip. some skin lotion as part of the deal, he decided to stay." could not be detained in Brazil, he hoped they could "flush Altemas has wired home for money said his father, "I sent Miller said Dorcely had been out on the beach writing them out Miller can help us a lot, if she'll talk." him a couple hundred, not knowing that the trip was well poetry ever since the group arrived there and that Grover "I am perfectly willing to help,"said Miller, "But I can't tell funded already." had already found a "tall dark tutor" to help her learn the you where Marc is, he disappeared after the money was Gumshoe said that the police are working out a deal with language of the country. divied up. Miller for immunity, but the others would face serious prison "Stress [Altemis] took me to the airport and tried to talk "They will miss Stony Brook, I don't knowwhy they would sentences if found me into staying," said Miller, "when I refused he asked me to want to leave," said University President John Marburger, "Cubierto is a tricky fellow," Gumshoe said, "but I just may say hello to all of his friends here and that he would be in *Tey'llbe back. be able to get him this time." touch as soon as it was safely possible" "Marc [Joachim] [Cubierto] was speaking Portugese in The writing on the postcard sent to the Polity suit was Joachim, according to Gumshoe, had developed several his sleep," said suitemate Mitch Feinstein, who added that analyzed by police and is assumed to be Joachim's. The successful heists and robberies as Cubierto to finance the he did not think Joachim would return. inscription was "When my baby, when my baby smiles at me little publicized Paraguayan revolution in 1980. . None of Joachim's aquaintances knew of his past criminal I go to Rio, de Janero, un rio de oro!"
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4 Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 . Swaggart Cut short
By Moley Holey By Roy Rogers Reverend Jimmy Swaggart will be coming Provost Jerry Schubel said on Wednesday to Stony Brook, University President John that classes will be cut down to 22 minutes Marburger said, to teach philosophy of each, starting on Monday, as part of an effort ethics or theology, next semester. to reduce absences. Because of the change, Swaggart has been suspended from his the spring semester will be extended seven church, the Assemblies of God, for his weeks into the summer. alleged involvement with a prostitute. Since Graduation will be pushed back to July 3, he cannot preach in the ministry for the next according to Schubel. He said that this will year, as announced Tuesday by a ministry not only allow the shortening of classes, but official, Marburger said that the university will increase the chances of good weather offered him a position. for graduation ceremonies. 'We're obviously pleased to have some- In addition, the periods between classes one with Swaggart's credentials come to have been reduced to thirty seconds, mak- Stony Brook," Marburger said "I feel his ing it necessary for students to sprint from years of experience will be invaluable to the class to class. "Running is good for your university," he said. When asked what expe- health," Schubel said, "most students are rience, Marburger would not elaborate. overweight anyway." He added that running The announcement of Swaggart's arrival is "almost as good as swimming." has ellicited both good and bad responses. To help students get to class on time - "I think he will teach us how to be a good since the national 55 mph speed limit was hypocrite - I will definitely sign up for the recently eliminated - University President course," said John Sleeze, a junior. John Marburger authorized the campus "I do not think that he can teach us any- busses to travel at speeds of up to 90 miles thing that we already don't know," said an per hour. administration official, who asked not to be "Problem? I don't see any problem," said identified. vice president for Campus Operations Bob Philosophy and religious studies profes- Francis, who has recently returned to cam- sors expressed their fear that students will pus administration. take Swaggart's class and none of the other The shortened classes will create some courses in these departments. However, problems for certain courses, including labs. Marburger made a deal with the depart- "it takes me twenty minutes just to set up an ments that Swaggart's course will be offered experiment," said Saul Chang, a physics at 8:30 am. major. Marburger said that the timing of the "Tough nuggies," responded Schubel course will deter many students from taking "That means I can't wear my heels to the course. "Students are lazy, they like to school anymore," said Liz Diz, "I'll have to sleep all hours until the late afternoon, not buy a pair of sneakers." Diz added that her many of them will take an 8:30 class." makeup will run as a result of running to
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On the contrary we should just to in a ,the isa at this point in the process. news - letting you all have it your way - we prove how much more we are deserving of Not , they will soon , destroying all hope of thought we would give you the chance to say what such - This is only the step. Thefutureholds fortherelationshipbetween you want on the Editorial Page. The next move should be .We cannot afford and ..This conflict will only as . is to at this point. and shouldruleour whereweshouldlookfor . must inorderto The recent actions of have been highly actions.Getting and willdousnogood. We gain from We adamantly to any disappointing. It is imperative that they begin to should proceed with and .Most longer. . We will tolerate no more of their and importantly we should no forget to . If this does not - immediatedly and does behavior. If they continue to in light of these .They not have its as the saying goes, we the will Do they think we the are ?Whenwillthey are confirming our suspicions of their .Like a be left to do nothing but see that we can and deserve so much more -Is it so difficult for them to ? Do we really ask so much when we demand ? We the pay over Administrators Underpaid -for and what do we get: and .This is The task of college administrators such as Presi- pie attending the school have yet to earn their something we to stand for any longer. We dent Marburger and his staff often go unnoticed in degrees-they are undergraduates!) demand the day to day living of many people. In many Perhaps it did not occur to anyone that in order to How can ignore the fact that is inhuman? -respects, Marburger's job is more difficult than make sure you don't get the classes you need was Maybe it is because they do not have to and that of President Reagan's. a difficult task. Just think of how easy it would be to as we do. Sure, it is easy for a who makes and Each day the commuters are late to class due to allow each person to register for the classes they has and security in his to .How long has it a limited number of buses, they fail to take into need to graduate. Then, all could graduate and not -been since has had to or .It is, in light of account the trouble and care that goes into making pay the school anymore money. This is not the this fact, not so difficult to understand why the buses late or inoperable. capitalist way. By ensuring that a student has to continues to .However, we suggest that they Likewise, the lack of security on this campus stay an extra semester or more, the university is get with it and have some compassion for us and takes quite a lot of planning. If care was not taken contributing to the nations economy. our to insure that the dormitory doors would not lock, With all of this evidence, it is clear that some- They should first to demonstrate that they then all the students would be safe. thing should be done to show our appreciation for deserve our --. We should meet them .Even Another fact that is overlooked is that in order to the people who make life so nice for us...Adminis- though we have no obligation to, we should as keep the campus in such poor condition, Mar- tration. Give them all raises! Just a little to show -a offering. We should not emulate their burger and his staff must personally screen all the that it matters what they do for us. Marburger -- applicants for the job of campus clean-up techni- should get an increase of at least $25,000 a year l be - - = o He W s Is j 0\ = + cian. Yes, one must have a degree in order to place with decreasing amounts to be given to those trash in the proper recepticles. (That is why there is underneath him. Is this too much to ask consider- Stateswoman so much litter on campus...a large portion of peo- ing all that they do for us. Hell no. FLOWER BOX Disclaimer --I- 0- - Spring 1988 You are reading Statesman'sApril Fool's issue. All articles in FTD Lang, Chief Florist - this issue are fake and satirical in nature. All of the advertise- Daisy Sheldon, Manager in the Field ments, however, are for real. Really. Mitch Woeds, Water Editor Rodant in Beret, Pest Editor Fertilizers Rose Kennedy, Budding Director Iris Gold-rod, Garden Director - Carolyn Marigold. Flower Director Arrangers Daffodil Dean fCreative) JoMarie Fern (Not Creative) Mark Flora (Pot) Assistant Florists Andrew Ivy (insect Repellant) Staff Growers Sandra Clover Andy Grass David Seaweed Lynne Cactus ' Drew ULlc VuK14UroaIvi llgtLi%;Ul Samantha C. Tree Joseph Ant Statesman will not publish on Monday, April 4 but will resume Derek Fly _ Adam Mosquito . publication on April 5. Have a Happy Easter and Passover. Robert Butterfly LETTER'S AND VIEWPOINTS POLICY: Keep it short. Busy Bees Irrigation Manager Executive Irrigator Don't call it an editorial. Don't use 'f--k' or 'v-----. No Garden Snake Georse Manure Spreader Advertising Flower Director Pest Control Director mother jokes. Sign it. Don't call up every five minutes to Cindy Valley Judi Wilow see if it's going in. Don't get snotty. Don't get rude. Leave Accounts Raindrop Manager - Office Seeds Charle Foret Jean Roots Juan Carlos Sanchez alone. Leave Mitch Cohen alone. Make a point. Don't -'Statesman is a great bunch of people, who like to do the be racist. Don't be stupid. Don't talk community good. We like to spread happiness in the worid. about drugs. Stuff about 'freedom' is a cliche - avoid it. People have criticized us because we write only negative stories. Well, we have reformed. We will begin landscaping Don't suggest a headline. Topics worth avoiding: contra on campus tomorrow, and sell flowers for charity We will even deliver free of charge. If you have any positively, aid, Ronald Reagan, staff member's mothers, housing and flowery letters and viewpoints with no mudslinging we would be more than happy to accomodate your wishes. If nuclear weapons. Don't say dumb things about AIDS. this is really making you sick, remember, you asked for it. They'll go in anyway, don't worry. Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 7 4.) o w t3of <- cs co '5 on coo -^ .5oo o FEc0 RAN v] 5: o o ;E *CIO I I;o c <6o * Q 'I-0 lal 0 L> 06 P i Q ° 0-^ 0 t ci 00r-" ud (-* 60w coo ; --0,; NIC >t cis 6- § I (5Cs He W o -- |~~~~~~~~- - 2 jie 2! I: £ - I c S - § g- v I - l gA = A.g C CI3CS 3r 0 ew on X . ^ o0 o ° I rA .A .0b MC a) CQW^ A 0 'a._ & OR c) c w oS . g^ *am ._ l -s ; _ o Q; _ CA u a5 0 Mc .S - to - ._ -E_ ^\0W S >-! S b- >-1 Hlo o« 8 I! H ,, A1 I *5EC-4 (aa X a< X cry, S - - e- ci § o .- n 0 0 I Lao £zt v-cis c< 1o XI * mgv) +'aI 'o rA to 0 D 0 ~~~cr as IAe C * § c II I CQ OCT0 .0 :t .,. v 12~ S?° 0> c X °i*. D w LU 0 I S.4A= 0- C:. w . *O I w #C V]* cS ._ _to t~ot MSCt 8 otm SL 00 < D : s *_ ,>< Lea I 00A5 "1 <5w0&?V E -gc 6. C4 5 'S _8 0 C 0 z, IsFE to Q'3 S X r1clH| co II |i w :toX .c q" 5 0< a a5 S co M .-co% to - *W c c- . 5 w Im ;pp E I I I4 I l- .) 88 .~ 1 ~ . n <-S 3 i^=_ .n *50 i 1" .0a E3SS5i ?i >o X 0 0 mCam e * X 4-l Ii s_CL o2 6 -* 5s S^r ^; bo J tao 0l E° i _'E§ HSr< 3 MS § *; » £ 1 o 4- ss aos~c u isz3 ' I' 51r au Z Ce ! l o 3 Q A: 4 l Q -- I -1 8 Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 | *- * i V -es .- Om0 I 400Cs ci a§ e 3,,s Lsis g -Om o' c .§ ti~~~A 9 -an It « g s 0 (A -t2 E c u -gi 8 a - c ? 3 -c 8i en0 .060 u w .^ S e an I vi a "o -3 I Xo-> °- us #- . I 6 l CS> s e AX.~ - "o8 car < oa * 4 as w S o 2c < cisfq 5. 06*s e£a. x: oP 3 >.? .§ -X8. 06 ^r co fc ° r- 2 -r ^ ,^S 2 E 2P < ^ U *oM2 o U $. ' o o °Q < o C -3 XX g Q. oS s .c< oBL.e >2C4 - CslEC-= BS ,C.I°- 0 X asI a 0 en 06 ': t XN 0 XSC 0 IM .D 0 ^-S 5? 06 0 «c,! O<|li- QS0 AA 0 *- f0 a ea In > cc *- 0 *3 a I -a O~- -a co 5 3 E m < r E : c s *g r- &W 0 8 S3. o c 00 , A. id - _ en 'a ^ . m c 8 At z E . 0 8 8 - WI :0 c '_ Lo it 2 c. _ 0 = wv cu C I V - r- ;ow be UbO co ca * _ o >, . - =o 4g-Mst- 3R SS?..,,o Q- Wc -CIA3 ^ S CL 64 r -20 m._ n: t ci x - -= u _ o r- '= "tI_ AL_.. _ Q ca 0°j v)o SZ rg oe * r Z 10" ES ffi t-Y W I . I.. s .n , I 4b" 1^ 0 g C- 40f Co 4A .> , c r g 6 r _ in sQ ro ^^ so C 0 3 ^ O0 * E v i 2 u a^v EL rs~~~a e5 - M :3 Ie ': 2 I - t . f (n I eel E c~~ 0 t aQ CO ( 4. C 3 E i *' aM Ans m? ^ > 0 &»= s <0- E 06g V '..on 2: . 3 «- s To Z r a m I- co1Z C4 2 M o" t s § I-° * Ed WI o~ ^ Heg =^ e ^e8 8o ci5 < ,G S - i^ i 0 I - .> Sf as* Q _ CLA a c^^ -a ! -I ?'§ aS^l I Gor ss:a ^^ 1Jejr isR 'AM- 0 na*_ -& m COO mtg &~ . I§ M- I so~~~~~~~~~~~~~c 8 I5 I "S o, -5 A, * _ S - 0.'" -~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0 Z--C -V § §'s l 0 ^~~~~~~~~~~~ lal m^ie A E ^ ^ be W) " 4m >r iN c x 0 i§I* 10 :91 W ._G . as 8 s 6s" S Is E °s !s c r 7'lt 2 *so~~~~~~0* 0ac r 0 0 r- CL/ 'S^^^ a^ - i %i o -- -- m Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 - m I -LgETs 1NACE DTP---- I : 0 'QUESTION: If you could choose anyone in the world to date who would it be and why? FTD 8n Chief Florist I'd love to go out with Oliver North. He's good looking, has brains and is dedicated. Actually, I hear he Daisy Sheldon grows prize winning roses, that's Manager-in-the-Field all I'm really interested in. Robert Redford has that beautiful Andrew Ivy plot of land in Colorodo that I Insect Repellant I'd like to see that nymph-like would die to see. I would date him actress Jane Seymour in her light - just for the scenery, of coarse. foliage flitting through the moon- beams some midsummer night. Carolyn Marigold .Flower Director I don't date at this time of year. I am planting my daffodil bulbs and pulling up sod for the planting sea- Rodent-in-Beret Mitch Weeds son. Talk to me again about Sep- Pest Editor Water Editor tember when the garden season is I love to see Anette Funicello on a Daryl Hannah, you know, the one over. I already have all my dates regular basis. But only if she wears with a tail who splashes around for the scheduled garden parties her Mickey Mouse ears, M-1-C-K- with Tom Hanks in that movie. I lined up. E-Y M-O-U-S-E, I love that song. usually go for girls with good legs, but in this case I think I like her fins A: his Goldrod Garden Snake Garden Director Irrigation Director Ahchoo--What, what do you Eve, I adore her primitive aspects, want?! Please let me suffer those archetypal feminine features through my alergies in peace. Do turn me on. I see Lynda Carter as Will Wisteria you think I can go out on a date the closest thing to Eve these days, Staff Grower looking like this? What are you a I'd settle for her if I can't have the Why...no, really - why? sadist?!. -real thing. f - - J NEW Barnes Quits For Bookstore (continued from page 1) bids for the university bookstore, Barnes and Noble took a vacation to Florida last week to meet Noble Fran- Bookstore was given exclusive rights to operate on cis l and look over land for the new bookstore. campus. , - <^^ ~~~~~ e University President John Marburger said yesterday Marburger did confirm that Bames and Noble Francis that he does not see any conflict of interest between did have the duty to find a reasonable bookstore to administrators owning a bookstore on campus. 'They operate on campus. However he said, **They decided that {Bames and Noble Francis ]did not let they interest in the their own bookstore chain would be the best." Marburger bookstore interfere with their positions as administra- still insisted that no conflict exists tors," he said. However, a question of possible conflict Sources said that Noble Francis, like Banes, owns a arises when administrators who work for the university yacht which is docked in the Everglades He also owns a NEW YORK / NEW JERSEY also own a bookstore on campus which services the luxurious four-floor mansion which houses 10 servants. university. Noble Francis and Bames were seen togeth fishing off Despite the fact that no biding contracts for the book- the yacht last week off the coast of Miai -- PARTY LINE store space existed, administrators contend that a con- Bames said that he does not remember if he met Noble flict of interest does not exist. If there were no contract Francis last week in Florida. in 201. 212, 516, 718, 914 area, call 1 999-TALK Campus (8225) Bans All Drinking (continued Eompage 1) Party Line for SINGLES approxmatel 7,000 pounds. instituted "executive execution" to punish those who "Problem? I don't see any problem,"said Vice Presi- violate the policy.Under the "aexecuteive excAtio poi : X-999-APPLE dent for Campus Operafions Bob Franis. sion, the univr p namy sentence any student (27751 Jacques Dorceley, preskdent of Polity, said in a tele- to death before they have been confied- or even phone interview from his hotel room inm.???.. "I believe chatned - with any crime or violation of the conduct such problems can be sohled through communication. I code. mean, how much water do any of zees peons - oops, I As a fialmeasure toward mairng Stony Brook a "d " 75€ per minute mean, people - really need?" campus, M Isersaid hehas ordered tha e s Ma ersaid that he is prepared to use the newly - ty's name be changed to "StonySand" 10 Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 CERTIFIED TAX CONSULTANTS 2693 Middle Country Rd., Lake Grove, N.Y. EXPERT PREPARATION OF INCOME TAX RETURNS Personal Service Your tax return is preparedby a person , not a com- puter. Our preparers have been trained in the new tax law. We are able to prepare returns for any state. Just $50 For form 1040, Schedule A and New York State. Smell additionalfee for work done in your home. We ate able to help you prepare financial aid forms. Specializing in: *Student Retums *Out of State Retums Call Early For an Appointment. -~~~~~~~~~~. - 981-2468 Anla Reasonable Fees For All Services - :NAppeal I R ON **------to A I DATSUN * TOYOTA * V-W * HONDA loJewlsh Snts ^*------From 9:45 am. April I a FIaculy to 8:09 p.m. April 9 Oil C ha nge S pecial The festival of Passover is approaching. The prohibition against eating Chometz (leaven) n DlI is more than just a law. It's a tradition that has made Passover so special for thousands of t^ years. ^Sg .. 15.99' to.'3jiarts The prohibition pertains to wheat. barley. oats, spelt. rme and their derivitives (e.g.. bread. most imports lip cake. whiskey. beer, ect.). IC One mav eat Matzoh specially prepared for Passover and other non-grain fo(ds that are Castrol GTX approved for Passover use bv valid rabbinic authoritv. For more details and help in procuring foods that are kosher for Passover, conitact a IB New Filter April 7. 1988 _ competent rabbi. Jewish religious leader or vour nearest Chabad-Lubavitch Center. ______****** Exp. Best wishes for a Joyous and Kosher Pass(over E^ WORLD AUTO IMPORTS LTD. 509 J NO BtCYCLE PATH ' Chabad at Stony Brook PORT JEFFERSON STATION NY 11776 (516) 473-0055 2 Kemswick Drive, Stony Br(x)k, N.Y. I 1790 (516) 689-2398 FOR CLASSIFIED INFORMATION, COME TO STATESMAN.ROOM 075 OF THE STUDENT I IUINION OnR CALL 632-6480 ~~~~~~to V - x ,,\ II/ 7 SUNG -ASLi ol '/il fAM ILYTA, N INU (_itN It 4 7A Kr,/r Blvd .Poll 473-8920 I -eep Tlat IAl ;SDringf Break 1 an.$ A - l 7 ^N-R'bja ZLtfll~ - 11VIS1 IN [for fin I y^ ; -/r-II, - IN.- i IiiAl!SULEFE ' '^-V(l,'ANNGaCLfTItS L..-Dinr I< I .1 4 .kp - - Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 1 1 up eating ; Psychology Honor Program Sophmore Undergraduates are s j Give ! being interviewed for acceptance into the Psychology j glw for a meal or a day 7 Department's Honors Program. The program begins with a Junior <~w and donate your 3 Year Seminar and ends with the completion of a faculty sponsoredj J research project. REQUIREMENTM: Overall GPA of 3.00, Psychology GPA of 3.5 (exceptions individually considered). Applications and O xfAaCIBm* s t Oxfam America , information available at Prime Time and in Undergraduate \Psycholow Office, Psycholow B 117. dh _ , ,- _ a f- | for qv- ---- w Amenca self-help Honor Society For Psycholog Psi Chi, the National Honor Society in Psychology, founded in 1929, has chartered a Stony disaster relief Brook Chapter which will be installed at a ceremony to be held on April 15 at 2:00pm in rm 213, SB Union. To be eligible for programs in membership in the Chapter a student must be registered as a Africa, Asia and Psychology major and have an overall GPA of 3.0 with a GPA in Latin America. Psychology of 3.33. There is a one-time application and membership fee of $30. Interested students should contact the faculty advisor, Prof. Alan 0. Ross, in the Psyc. Undergrad. Office (R'2-7902« liatrAHU towt;-- E Announcing the Evening Service Center: A Pilot Program for: \ Evening Students. Beginning Jan. 5, administrative student sservices will be available for evening students every Tuesday! L evening in the Administration Building lobby from 5 until 7pm. 7 3 The Office of Records, Financial Aid, and Admissions will havef representatives available in the Registrar's Office. The Office ( ..of Student Accounts and the Bursar's Office will also be open. \ lrwsdr apr ill ( This is a pilot program to determine the demand for extendedx / hours of service. It will continue through the Spring Semester \ Look for sign up tables in the Union and , and is designed to help students who attend primarily in the 5A evenin tacmpish thei amnsrative taks.__ _ _ Kelly, Roth, and G&H Cafeterias on March I Student Assistants needed to work on Commencement Day - 29, 30, 31, and April 4th. All contributors / ' May 15. Dorm move-out deadline will be extended for success- are invited to attend the Fast Break, $ ful applicants. Apply Conferences & Special Events Office, 440 :, Administration Building. Applications will be accepted until 60 International Food Festival in -the Union . cemp ent aides are hired. No nhone -alls -lDe-ase. Ballroom on Thursday night. ?' Wanted: Students as Summer Conference Aides:from May 27- CONTACT: STEVE PAYSEN 632-6561 167 HUMANMES v August 19, 1988. 20 hours/week commitment required. Salary r Oxfam America es an international agency that hinds self-help development protects and disaster relief in includes room in summer conference housing plus paid . poor countres in Afrca. Asia. and Latin America, and also prepares and distributes educational materials for Americans on the issues of developfent and hunger The name Oxfam" comes from the Oxford \ 15hours/week. Apply Conference & special Events, room 440 ( Committee for Famine Relief, founded in England in 1942 Oxfam America, based in Boston. was formed calls please. ¢1 in 1970. and is oneof seven autonomous Oxbams around the world (in Great Britain. Montreal. Ottawa. 7 Administration Building by April 6. No phone Australia. Belgium. Hong Kong. and the United States) We are a nonsectarian. nonprofit agency which neither seeks nor accepts U.S. government funds Atl contributions are tax-deductible. - * 0 ERGROUND qBOWLING AND IUSEMENT CENTERS INVITES YOU TO THE / T Annual Pool Tournament (Sign up in the Bowling Alley NOW) AND andlelight Bowling" » lights are low... t the excitement is high! - Match or beat our SCORE OF THE DAY and win a : sg|^as~ a!»5f » ---- . a - -e :---"- - ;- -- +-*-»0-.; i- , FREE GAMEII .ARBErE( DOElJMAESRy^»-^'HE MMLG HBENFE[ WA" 0BNBD- IARD BADRD SONh ECARMEN JAMESGAMMON «_^ Its all happening a; MaANl6GiaR ON}3UHDH DANIELSrERN - Thursday 4/7/88 Gi- 8 CHCRX5 PEGRSKEBN WA-eiEGRRD&"eNUALE go~s;i),,,, W'DlSNDAE AWNgUGylffl- BeAinnins at 7PM _fa GARY MOCTESUMAESRARERTRED . a_., D r- LL: 63246505 OR 63246510 FOE MORE IFORMTION _OR REs IWW NOW IAYPG IN SELECT AREAS. - I *2 Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 F- - I -THE!STUDENT PO}ITY'I Xrs P1GE m- - I-CON VIl IS COMI-NG Help us run the largest Science Fiction, Fact, and Fantasy Convention in New RYork. Some staff positions are still available. We also need PAID Security and J^1gliljj^^^y Drivers. Come to the Meeting Tuesday night at 6:30 in the Union room 213. Or stop t he O f f ic e in t hPe o l ityS u it e fbythe^ f . / N^lOIr o >itsS ASSOCIATIONoF r^^cmoR^-rFo 1g f I3 , I aim7, |^^^RFSK. + i ~m TMmIIA.iD _mu lONd WAh co STONY BROOK J APRIL 1s :WORSHOPS e UNION FSL r BATTLE OF THE BANDS F R 1 1: 00 AM TO 2: 00 PM 1-2 &, * OUMPLIC SUNCMEON* CHINESES4MES *COOKING CLASS SHOW e UNION AUDITORIUM SATURDAY APRIL 16 STARTING AT 7-00 P"- * SEATINC. FIRST COME. FIRST SERVE * PARTY e UNION - RLL BANDS INTERESTED 1 f R O M 10:00 M TO 2 : I:*<: f-I Please Contact- . FETURING THE PETURt OF FLlP:';' - - Jen Berastrom APRIL 21 : MOVIE e UNION at 246-5443 STARTING AT 11:00 AM b) S.P. and/or Sponsored 'L -ficm Su Lmmer Recreation 1988 4 . rL ii~ /'I- OUR 12TH YEAR Slow Pitch SoftbaU p: l Wmbe SAW i d a_ me aa I \ r imr 6i Jo-- * 31a. lb uiw -ss wI.. swima POLITY PRINTING ASSOCIATION tamm ta f nrqwb Aprd A (*a JIl Room 002 * Stony Brook Union * 632-6461 - td^(Bc^^Beach VoUeyball j R ESUMES*FLYERS*POSTERS'JOURNALS UU-- h ans we bXa J L _k km PUBLICATIONS*BROCHURES*PAMPHLETS e BUTTONS*TICKEvS*FORMS'INVITATIONS Team Tenis r; / EN VEL OPES *S TA TIONA R Y *BOOKL E 7S *ETC Id womn dmF _d ftub. p_ __bk nhetY for students run by students. A service - - - In d iv id u a l Sport Tournaments ^Q QQ Q @ Q~C, o QQQ Q~)QC- Q) O ( Faw ^I t ^'AftfbyA o_ W - a® Dne i o(n),(C.Ao _e- L _ df Lf d_AfW d 14 W L Q Open Recreation r MFG _amet b amd d"" WRL_|bn _ _ wo flw t~p l ewy dw *a K besm w W empd ofle_ ofS0 IL ~ a - 1¢ _g;Early0 Moring Runs S X X There is no COCA Movie this 1.&P-% Q I weekend. FULL METAL JACKET I Q- IQ QQZ has been CANCELED! Because bpwP b Pawsofchec p*a*cdm < Q 0 Mes SoWV" 0 CoA31 itoa SoftbaA 3 iBem XtBi / Stanley Kubrik has decided to C Co-ReaeftimW Babd Vba UO *Ltbk 1Tami take the film out of distribution. Q O Outdoor Pa QGBbikao 7 am Fun Rum I 94._ lrp Rnt -compt fwa toe lwnuamW Offte We apologize but, it's not our Q Stow Brk Gym Zip + 4 -350 L 6 If yo_ quarom comma ». fault!l i I -,.v _ k F 24hrs. Voice of Student Activities at 632-6821, - Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 1 3 -- -C1LAz 1FBED$ - HOUSINGV Stony Brook, off 25A, walk to SUNY, Government Homes from$1.00. G-FEST 1988 is April 1 5,16, 17 in Studentsl Earn money over spring VU fllu' four U CAMPUS NOTICES bedrooms, two baths, low Repair". Also tax delinquent prop- G-Quad. Featuring pit hockey, bat- break and this summer. Winston is taxes, potential mother-daughter erty. Call 805-644-9533 Ext. 123------tle of the bands, carnival games, a full range temporary service. No STONY BROOK Prestigious shop- extras. $199,500. Principals only. for info. Thursday, March 31 the Peach food vendors, Mr. Simon Sez, air experience needed. Full for info. ______Resource Center will present and pan ping center by Harbor, 2nd floor, 751-7840 evenings and weekends. jamming and much morel time. Warehouse workers, clerk - 1OOOsq. Reasonable rent {516J Adjacent South Campus -available Threads, a British docudrama on It. typing, mail clerks, data entry 751-2244 t h e Mon-Fri 9-5 Don't miss out on Hamptons 881 June 1 -4 Bedrooms plus Den - 2 effects of a nuclear holocaust. SERVICES operators. Call or stop by today. I-Have many cottages and apart- 1/2 Baths - New Heat - Will be Don't take The Day After's work for Winston Temporaries, 734 Wait Apartment for rent 2 BR, LR. DR. ments for rent $3,200 - $6,200, Redecorated before occupancy -All it--see what it would really be like. 5 Whitman n d Rd., Melville, Fourth $675 all, private entrance. 2 close to beaches (212) 391-1949 appliances -751-8520 p.m. i Ol Chem. TYPEWRITER REPAIR SERVICE: Floor, 421-5400. months security. 585-4676. Leave message Repairs, cleaning, supplies, free estimates. Type-CRAFT. 4949 Attention all gradsl Need a job? ,E- Am - h- -- Alw --- AL- -- a- L- L Nesconset Hwy. Port Jeff. Sta. 473- Know anyone looking for full time 4337. work? We seek several individuals >Ss&b^b&.SL.WA^5a'Oa « '*4 Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 Hockey Team Takes :Aim at -the CuUp : By Groin Cu k Fred Helm have chipped in with 71 and 69 first-round opponents. "I'm just so elated Calgary with games three, four and five (if It's official. When the Stony Brook Hockey points respectively. Stooy Brook (30-42-7) Athat we made the playoffs that I really do not necessary) at Superior Coliseum in Kings Team beat the Boston Bruins, 4-3 in over- was 24-1 with Calgary during the regular care who we play." Park. The final two games (if necessary) will time last night they clinched fourth place season. The road to the Stanley Cup will not be an be back in Calgary. and the final playoff position in the Smythe The Stony Brook campus has gone wild Pats' coach George Lasher says, "to win easy one for the Pats, but it's nice to see that Division. The Patriots (67 points) are four over the success of the hockey team. The we will have to control the tempo as much they are on the road and did not have to exit points ahead of the fifth-place Los Angeles 45,000 available tickets for the three games as possible. If we get into a shootout with at the end of the regular season. The first Kings with only one game remaining. This two games will be at the Saddledome in at Superior were scoffed up in 45 minutes. marks the first time in the Pats' 15 year NHL them you can turn out the lights." Lasher seemed most existence that they have qualified for post- concerned with Rookie of the season play. Year candidate, center Joe Nieuwendyk. "He killed us Stony Brook will face off against the fiery all year long. He was parked in front of our goalies so hot Calgary Flames in the first round, best- often that he could have claimed a residency of-seven series, next Tuesday. The Flames there." Stats amplify have a ten-game unbeaten streak in motion what Lasher says. In the seven games against the Pats, Nieuwendyk scored and are 47-21-9 with 103 points for the year. nine goals with six assists They have scored a league-leading 383 for 15 points. Coach . $113,000 Rick Levchuck added, "He's a big, strong Idd goals. They are led on offense by a trio of IExpessway (Edt 62)*2 1 ,x-m. bath, I saw him play when he was still at Cornell. I are»al5 awfiabncest ( fnopatar. stove,-* Loob (102 pts.), Bullard(I00) and Neuwen- O~~~bM4%.AISV9%-A U49 95 it%~M 19 It, 'LAM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Me ~~~~~16AM4,P .11pov- add --ce x .(r- .0-plcaorstve - 9 -- --9 a~~~~~~~~~~~*5 was only hoping that if we could not get him gas heat aed dyk (91). :ishwasher, washe, dryer)*CentrWa Air C obdtig that nobody in the Smythe would" hotwater'Fully carpeted; newly painted'All new Levelor The Pats have a modest three-game win- Bhnd&*Satchem School Disbict*LAw Common Charges (Sill/month), ning streak of their own and are 8-3-2 in their Paul Firello who scored the Pats' winning indudes snow moval, trashoremval, g dsmaintenance.'Lowtaxes last 13 games. They are led in scoring by goal against the Bruins, seemed more con- ($1500/year)*hWround pool, play gronds. pwidng*Save Closing costs, centerman Jay McKenna (33 goals, 50 cerned with the fact that they had made the a ssu m e morxtgag e- by ow^ 2 2 assists, 83 points). Stephen Reynolds and playoffs rather than thinking about their * g by saw (516) 9814232 , ...... STUDY ABROAD WEEK (continued from page 14) POETRY: Paumanok Publications is Congratulations to Peter Fox and actively seeking poems for publica- Jackie Prespeio on their engage- tion in an anthology of contempor- ment. Here's to the future. Love, Sis ary english literature. Please send your best work to Paumanok Publi- Dear Greeley mid-ones, you are cations, P.O. Box 565, Oyster Bay, fantastic hallmates! Happy Easter, NY 11771. Happy Pesach! I'll miss you all when I go. Love, Mark. FOR SALE Jay, Don't know what I'll dowithout you next semester. Always have MUST SELL IMMEDIATELY fun! Remember I love you -Lisa P.S. Diamond engagement ring, mar- "Doesn't" quis, tiffany set with chamel set band. 8 diamonds on band total 66 Rock with legendary leader of the points. Best offer over $475. Call Good Rats -Pepi Marchello and son 567-8958 leave message. -Gene- April 5 in the Union Bal- lroom. Tix on sale -Concerts 101 - 1980 TOYOTA COROLLA Mechanically excellent. 82,000 miles, original owner, tuned, new ADOPTION tires, maintained. 981-4232. Ask- ing $2,200. ADOPTION: Caring couple with MUST SELL IMMEDIATELY close extended family hoping to Diamond Engagement Ring, share their lives and loving home in Marouis tiffany set with channel set the country with an infant. band 8 diamonds on band total 66 Expenses paid. Legal and confiden- pts- Best offer over $475.00 Call tial call collect. Rosemary and Char- 567-8958 Leave message ley (516) 754-9332. ADOPTION: Loving couple, physi- PERSONALS cian and psychologist, deeply wishes to adopt newborn. Welcom - Los: 1 girlfriend, name Linda. Des- iong warm family, love, ooportuni- cription: 5'2", brunette, caring, lov- ties! Expenses paid. Legal, ing, beautiful person. If found confidential. Call Ellie collect 212- please contact Steve immediately. 724-7942. - I ICompact Discs .- 10% Discount On All Accessories ^$1 OFF ALL DISCS w/SB I.D* I» I An academic year inRome or Paris2 Find out how FRANCE you can leave for an academic year, a semester or a summer and come back with a new perspective on your college years and wvith all credits transferred GERMANY toward your degree. ITALY You will remain a full-time Stony Brook student. Most forms of financialaid available to full-time Stony PERU Brook students can be applied to foreign study. The cost of the program does not exceed that of residence POLAND at Stony Brook with the exception of airfare. Come to presentations for all the programs sponsored KOREA I. by Stony Brook during Study Abroad Week. Find out the about the application process, the requirements, For more information contact cost. and the program design. Marilou Giron Call or come to our Office and wvew ill give you the Office of International Programs schedule for the Study Abroad Week. 101 Central Hall 632-7030 i a M Men -,- m - ^ -~~~~~~~~~ Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988 15 Student Set :to Fight Tyson By Kost ya Abuckortwo cleaning woman to get ready for the big date with Tyson Angered by public opinion that he has not yet fought any "My agent and I knew about this Tyson thing for a while," tough competition, Heavyweight Champion Mike Tyson has Goldstein read from a prepared statement yesterday. "I've agreed to take on Stony Brook junior Michael Goldtein in a been training for well over a week. I run to and from classes preparatory bout sometime between now and June 27, when and Ido a push-up every morning without fail. I'm ready to Tyson is slated to fight Michael Spinks If Goldstein handles lock Tyson's butt." Tyson he will meet Spinks instead No date has been set, but Thus far in his career, Tyson has disposed of all the Tyson-Goldstein is expected to take place at the Felt Forum competition he has faced. He is the youngest Heavyweight around the middle of April. Champion in the history of boxing and has defeated most of Goldstein is undefeated in 58 fights with a small boy, his opponents in knockout fashion. Though he has not Donald Fluhf, who lives next door to his Roslyn home. dominated every roound of every fight, Tyson has never Goldstein, a history major, has a vicious lefthanded jab and a been seriously hurt He is worried that Goldstein might be roundhouse right which he has used to register most of his the first to injure him. 41 knockouts against the 11 year-old Fluhf. "You guys [the media] call this a preparatory fight for my ' *He can really pack a punch," said Fluhf of Goldstein. matchup with Spinks but I think that's bull," Tyson said by "One time he hit me so hard that I started to bleed and cry telephone. "This Goldstein guy is pretty tough. I'm afraid and I had to go home early. That Tyson better watch out." he's going to hurt me and I don't know what to do. Mr. Goldstein, who's on-campus residence is in G-Quad's "I've never really been hurt in a fight, but I think I'm going Ammann College, has never fought anyone but Fluhf. Non- to get a real taste of pain if Goldstein connects with his right etheless, he feels he is ready for the Tyson challenge. hand I've watched films of him and man, he looks really "I'll beat up Don a couple more times and then I'll go out tough! I just hope I can sneak away with a win and not get too and show the world that I'm the real Heavyweight Champ," beaten up. I'm really scared man, I'm not kidding. I'm -in' said Goldstein. "I've seen Tyson fight and he's milk. He's milk terrified. Everytime I think of the fight I see his [Goldstein's] and cookies." curly black hair and his big fists and Ijust want to pee in my Fluhf and Goldstein are scheduled to square of tomorrow shorts." and Sunday at 3:00 in the parking lot of The Roslyn Cafe. The date of the bout will be announced later today. Afterwards, Goldstein will spar daily with his Mom and Tickets are expected to range from $75-$350. - The 1991 -Final-F-our ;I-Ds ~Coming to SB By Candy Truffle arenas (scoreboard malfunctions, poor ven- The NCAA Executive Committee tilation), so they were obviously determined announced on Wednesday that the State to choose a newly-constructed arena. University at Stony Brook has been named Having the Final Four on campus is proba- host of the Men's Division I Basketball Fmnal bly only the first step in the development of Four in 1991. The decision marks an end to Stony Brook as a college basketball town. the school's quest to return to the world of Athletic department officials have been con- big-time college basketball. sidering moving the Men's basketball team "'We couldn't be more pleased," said Uni- up to Division I for some time, and the versity President John Marburger. "I feel NCAA's decision only increases that likli- that it is important for the continuing growth hood. The move -seems logical since Head of this university that we upgrade our Coach Joe Castiglie (75-35 four-year record) athletic department, and this decision cer- has developed the basketball program to tainly takes us a large step in that direction." the point where it has nothing left to prove in Division Ill. Stony Brook had a lot of competition for Although Duke, Kansas, Arizona and Okla- this highly prestigious event. Other finalists homa are enjoying their days in the sun as included Duke, UNLV, Michigan State and they get ready to appear in the Final Four, it the University of California at Berkeley. is unimaginable that they could feel more Obviously, the selection committee took elated at this point than does the Stony more than the size of the schools into Brook community. lhose for schools were account when they made their choice. already firmly established on the college "We felt that having a strong basketball basketball map, while Stony Brook was the tradition was the most important considera- small town that nobody had ever heard of. tion," said NCAA Executive Director Dick So without a doubt, Stony Brook is the hot- Shultz. "And Stony Brook certainly has a rich test school on the basketball scene right basketball history." Shultz also indicated now. GTis phenomenon is best evidenced by that the fact Stony Brook's new field house is the words of former Patriot coach Rollie due to be completed within the next two Massimino, who is currently the head coach years was the thing that swayed the vote in of the Villanova Wildcats: "If I had known Stony Brook's favor. The NCAA has had Stony Brook basketball was going to take off problems in recent years when using older like this, I might never have left." Sto Brook Basketball is off and running zplaiesmani tjelHe o 1 6 Stateswoman Thursday, March 31, 1988