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Aphrodite spoke and loosened from her bosom the embroidered girdle of many colors into which all her allurements were fashioned. In it was love and in it desire and in it blandishing persuasion which steals the mind even of the wise. —HOMER
n 4, National Lampoon p bl h d p r d b v r n f l t Republic. S r t t nd r nd t l n ph l ph th f fr nd . E h t h p nt, n th r n d , "Y , S r t , v r ll p t." In th n xt fr n xpl v " OW " nd th pp n nt fl n thr h th r. S r t n b n t. h Lampoon's Republic h h t r l v l d t n nt Gr , l r nt t v n rd thr h t th , l v d t n th lv f ht r . t v n th n th r l l f d ff r •M n n n b t n f ht n nd r n . W h ld, t . " b t " nd "b ttl " W n d t d t n h rh t r l r nt fr th h r th t n p l bl h ft n , h d h d bbl n th t d r t. f th p n n . f n nfl t t d . In f ht, h d p t nt tr t n. In n r nt, th tr t win over n d n — h h n pr th nl r , t l v n v r , n l t r t , r h th r. h h pt r ll h lp d t n h b t n n r nt nd f ht, nd t h h t nt t t t f n r nt. h d t n t n n d t r n th rv v l f rr , th l br t d r r h p h l t hn G tt n pr v d n th ht nd n n t . W r n t f h "l v l b" t th Un v r t f W h n t n, h nd h t nt v d t p d h ndr d f rr d pl v r p r d f n n r , p r n v r v r t p nd nt r n v r p r v d t n nd l l p nt nt d t b . h t h d h r nd d nd nth f r nt , f pl 6 A K YOU O A GUI G SE YOU GOA S
l r n t h th r nd r v l n b rr n th n n fr nt f th At th f t , n, G r , b d v t f h t rh t r r . It l b d r l t h . n ll " r nt b th t " h n rd f l d h , h d h f t . Wh n G tt n nn n d h f nd n n 4, th h, rh t r n Aft r v r f ht I ld h : " d t th th r d t r th r nd th ntr tr d n t t l , b th d t nf r d ?" r r h n d r d th t t b th r hl t p d t n, nd h t rh t r h l d f r v r l ll nn . G tt n f nd th t b t . t v nt ll t d n t h : r nt b th t pl h t d rr d v r th n n r r d b t h f ht n — n r nt. It n v r p r d , t nl n p r r v n r th h nd d p n d v r . v r, th f l pl nt b t r tr t. th r r nt n d ff r nt , nd th d ff r nt p rp . h t r In f ht, n p r n t t h r n n n th r. r n ld th n t n t v l f ll d th b t n t f r nt. d nt Ch n f ht n h n h r d U.S. n t r t h t Wh n f th v d t p pp r d n n t r t l v n, th t n t r t t n th S n t fl r. Ch n d th pl n v nt h d d d dl n f rt bl nt , v n n th h pp n d h "f l b tt r," b t t n t n r nt. (It would h v b n pl . On f ll rr d h b nd d tt d h p th l ll n f Ch n r ll nt d h t d h t h t d, G d f rb d. l z , nd h f h rf ll r d. n th l , th pl h t d On th th r h nd, h n G r r n tr t ll r ll, h rr d d t th r d p t t lv pr bl nd r t d ff r n r nt: p r n th t tr t h n r d, r nd, n . h h d f th n th t . h d d pl , n th r r ll n n t d th n . th r h nd, d th r n t tt h th r. Ar nt pr b r S p n ff r l t t r nt h n h d n tr t l f r th , n t n t l t n. h h pp n r d. h n r nt ll t l p r r t t d lph n : " n t f r t— nv nt d h pp n f ht. p t r , l r r , b nd tr , p l nd t hr p, th l r h l , and M h f th t , I n th t th h pp n l seduced—they th p dd n p." n p l t d n n th r. h t d th n . Wh l r lt r t nd M r h C r p t h n r nt h n h n , "W b l n t t d r tr ht h t r , th n h f ll th r," t n d x b fr nd h tr t h n h nd ( nd Y IS WI YOU CA EE th r t r rdl f h t n n th n , th j d n b ll th n n n th b r nd, t t n . h r n pr f n f
"l d r h p br nd n h " p pl r r l t th r n th nd. S r , • r n Al rt t h CEO nn b h r v l d th ft n n t p r r v ht r r n t h r p r nt : fight. h n nt h t d t b d th r p n . argument. r n thr h h d l tr t? t r t r thr h nt d t n r pl b t l n n pr p l: b , p rtl b n, n t br n , b t th b l t t xh t n b t th r btl , l nt rd n n f p bl n , "A l t f n th r nn t t t ll p ll n l f t r th h v n v r d n h n t l v n n h d n . If I nd r lf d r bl . ppr h l d t l n t r t nt. C r ld p t t r n, ll h t r p r t r r t r ll nf r th th r . h r th r l v ": fight. p r n ll , I pr b bl t ll n r t l t t n l r f lph t p n th b n rld h Y rr n , "It n t th h t, t th ldn t v r fr p r n. n t l v t b ll th r ll nd t p n th h l t ": argument. Ch n t G r p t t n b t f h dh nt r h t th l f r n x t v r n t r S p n t M r h t r l, th d r b p r d r nd t b ld r, n t n r r. h b d ff r n b t n n r nt nd C r . I ld n Y d n n r nt h n p r d r d n . Y n f ht: n r nt, d n llf ll , t p pl t h h pp l t th t. St ll, f ht h n d n t th n . A t rr t r l d p t n th b t nt t d h t nt. Y f ht t n r th ldl v r d f r f l t l f r nt, f r x pl , nl h h ld t h v r nt. x pl p nt ll th r n: th nl l tt pt t p r d n t d f r . ("I r p nt, t r. h t nd p . Und r r Y n t p v r, h v n d r d th n l f th nt rn t n l fr nt r?" t n , th h, r nt n t r t d l f r nt. 8 A K YOU O A GUI G SE YOU GOA S
r . It n v n d t r n n t n f t . An nt rh t r n dr d d n . G d f r . Of r , th p nl l t • Ar nt l r p nd ndl , th r lt ll b f ht, nd r E GOA : A r t th nd f v rn nt l d b d , p r d d t t r lf h t nt t h rh t r l ll f r v l. h l t nt r h h r ht th n th l l l r. b t tt n h t p l z th nd f n r f r b n rt n t b t rd? S rr . Y h v t t nt. Ch n r nt r . t th r f r th d r d f p r n, th d, th d n nd? G t th r d . Ev n f th t r n t t h h— f th v ld r r v l r l t l. . l nd n l W b t r t t d th n t r r r n z t n n p — r rh t r l ll n b l b n d ld n t t th p t p l z . In t d, r t p d n t? If t r , th n v n th t n. pp t r p r n l l th v d n n th r nt, t rh t r ff r r lf h r n f r r f t t. , h r t d th t? r rdl f h t r pp n nt th n . Y IS I A n . rn t t l nd ll b th f t O I ICA A GUME n d l b r t v r nt, d n t tr t t r r If t ll t t h, th r n t r. Y ll ld th nd f n n t r nd n t r ll, nd n r p ld t pp n nt. r n t d t t r . th , t t h r t nt t r th d n n f r v . Ev n r p rt nt, p nt. A , h t ll t th t want t ld, t commit t r pl n, It nl l th t r pp n nt n n rh t r , h v r. pr b d th n ll nd t n d r th r lt n n . Y ll bl th n th t th l p nt f n r nt t h l t r t f n br n p th ?" th d r h t d r — d th nt n t d t d f t. h n t v d n n n b f l r pp n nt n l t. r v n nd rf l r nt t l. h nt t r p nt ? t h r p nt . All nt • M n n h t r h t d n—t t r d n t pt r h r n f r t S d C p d h t nt t t d . pl ft n n r nt n d b t n th t t p nt , nl t l th b ttl . Alth h p ll h d th t n p nt : A p l p tr l t p n th h h nd r ll r nd d n. p pl th ht hn K rr n th pr d nt l d b t r t . n t r d nt h, th pr d nt p p l r t t ll YOU: Wh t r n , Off r? pr v d. h d n l d K rr l , b t th pr f rr d h—n t CO : d n th t th p d l t h r f ft ? th rd b t th n. K rr n n p nt h n th l t n. YOU: f t I n ? Ev n f r r nt n l d nl nd n th r p r n, th CO : ft f v . n n l l n n, t ll h v n d n : th th r p r n. In th t , th r r t t t n t p: th r b nn n th h t pt t n t r pl th n pp n r f l. r nt— tt n r pp n nt t d t d f t— r b "l n " t. t tr b th tr t n r p. YOU: Wh , l p . W n th r nt th b bpr f x . And nd d th t f t n ht b rth th p d n t t nd r YOU: M f n l b r I n d t t h r t th h p t l t t f rr t. t r nd th n nd p t h r th p "f ft f v ." CO : Y r dr v n l n , r. t r p r n l l. Wh t ld l t pl h n th YOU: Oh G d I f r t f t t n? rh p ld l t th p l l n d t. Y r n pp Ch n r , th nd f p n t r f r f h v n tr pl t ll n r pl h th t, p ll f h v p n r f r n d v r th l v n r fl r. t f th x r , n. 20 A K YOU O A GUI G SE YOU GOA S 2
2. l th d t z n th p nt t b . C n d p I d n t." Wh n C r r , " h t ll n v r r ," , " , h p nt. • Ar nt l b n t." h n th t p nt t h n h r d r h r nd. CO CESSIO, In th r rd , n t t p pl t r th • r n Al rt th f r l YOU: I r r r ht, Off r. I h ld h v t r th th —t t ll , th t . A r n r tt r bl n f r f , ? h b n t h n p d t r r . n n. p fr nt d n t n v n p th r nt. In n nt Gr C n d r t d, r pp n nt p nt t t h t nt. v n t pp n nt th nd f nt G d. Y j t l t th p n n p nt . t h p nt n rd r r t rh t r l j j t b n r pp n nt n p t r n t n h t t l t ff . v t thr h ff b l n . p fr nt r n n, r n n nt. t l n t nd p f r r lf hn ? Y , I p dv n t h t th th r p r n YOU: I t h v b n t h n th r d t l l . C n p t d . t p l h ll nh r t th rh t r l l t : t f r t f ll p d t r th t l rth. Wh l th r t f th rld f ht , ll r . pr l p , n n " nt p t n." tt n d tr t d? And r nt t h t nt r th n f ht n d . h ppr h pp l t th p xp rt . It ht r , l n p n r t f r v . t th t th pp l n d l ttl r t n n . t M n p l t v r
CO : Y n t rt b dr v n nd r th p d l t. h n v n d d d h t nt t f n r nt, n d t r n h n t h v t t h r p d t r h. r d n t h n f r t h v Y : W ll, th t tr , I ld. I v b n t l t d l t h n I • p fr th An nt th t l. M b ll n d t d lt r h pl r ht Ar t ph n d th t, b t th t th r pr bl , n t t? d th t p r n n p r n d, n, , d t n. Or CO : ht. Y rr b t r n dr v n . "th l r d pp r th nt t h n n nd—t pr t r t r." l t th ht th t YOU I ll. h h h lp d l t, th n . b d th n b t thr h n t d f r v l, f r n t n . Or t h t r , n n t p nd nt r d n t d th n n r t l n h v ppl d d. h t d th n t l l t h pp n? I n t ll h t f r . n t h pp n. h p n t rd r t f th r. n t t ll t A t ll , th d t v r nt ft n nt l r th n j t d t nd pr d l d n t t h l h p t d n. n t ll f r h n . S pp r l l ttl l v n . If b p, r v n ll t . Y t th n r t f • r n Al rt b th f r n th d lr d , th n n d Y IS I A th r nt, h h th d n n I r ff nd n O I ICA A GUME n p r n. A rd l n d, n v r nd r d r th t l f x. pl h nt. And f h t ll d l t ff th r t r rh t r l n v r , tr ht t . t l n t r p r j j t th v r t n rn n , n r t l t n . Y n. h p n t f r n n d n , n th rh t r l I d t f r rt. S d t n t n W th fr nd l r n z t, b t h v j t n t h d th b t nd Y : Voulez-vous couchez avec moi? th rh t r l pp th t, h n d n f n. l v h pp , nd d . t f f ht n nd t ?" Opp n nt: " h If r p rtn r t b h r l t n , h v r, nd rf l t l f r h t t xpl t r pp n nt d r r t r n th th d r t ppr h nl l t d. Y t h n rh t r . S r f r p rt ." Y : t r p nt t l t h . C n d p nt th t ll f th t nd rd t p "W th r f r r l ld h v b tt r h n th ld r nt: f r pr t n p h th t, h n d n t d r rr p r bl . Wh n r d n n h l r r ?" , "Y n v r l t h v n f n," , "I p YOU: Kn h t ld r ll l v n th n p, xtr l r . 22 A K YOU O A GUI G SE YOU GOA S 2
r l t n h p ? If d d th t r l pl n . Wh h t th v n f l htn . h r r tr n r t n n f h ld r th d t ? th t t rn d n nt t nt.
t t f ll ld b t h n r d n d. St l t n t n p t th th r l th n r n . Wh n r n C pr d r t d It's a Wonderful Life, h h d pr bl p r d n h Y : t p r r n . h ? Oh, j t St rt t nn d. St rt pt n x t p t ff rr Wh t . W , b ndl l ht l l v th n . C pr f n ll thr th r pt, h h h d th t t r l t r. t n n v r p r t xt n n t th rl n n b fr nd. In t d, th Cl t d r t r d th pl h r th ph n . h ph l nt t d d A E Y EGA h t, t l t, h h t r r t t r t r, M r I E: C r th tr n l t h r n l h n n v r th W rld ll C r , ld t d t. p th h v b n r W r II v t nd th l v l n tr . St rt d d h d t th bv d t v n th thr l f r p r d n p pl , n rd r f n r f r th n n b d. pl r , pl t n n n l t n f th r t r n f ll t . n d ff lt : Aft r d v r n h C pr n v r h d n —St rt—thr h rr t d t n. In f f th rt r , th xt r ld th r lt n n n , v r b d d t v r ll ( t p . St l t r d n t n . dd d t n r. Ch n t p n n. Wh n d h t h d n G t t t t. rr n n h S d t n t rl, C r r d. "Sh ll b n S t t t ll thr l t t t rr ." C t z n Changing the mood th t l, nd ll th n r n f r t. t n. r r n th r nd f th t r d ld thr h t th S nt A t n , n t rh t r pr f r nd n f th f th r f th r p bl r j " n p h tr t d t t t r n h rd t , "I ." Chr t n Ch r h, v f l b ff r n . h Y IS A OME l htb lb?" r t, h d, n t t b nt nt r l th z h th r p pl First, th p n h l n , the bulb has to want to change. n ff nt n th d n p th t tt nt n. n v r t ll d th th n th t — l n ll that t ? nt r f th r p ? And n th b lb d t f d nt l h d th r . (A t n ld h th r th d r d t h n , h t ll p l t t rr t th j b? A rh t r n n t h v b n nv t d t n p rt . A n f th th t — r t persuading " t nt r t ": ld b t th h r pl —b th l htb lb. h r t r n z r f ll t , h nv rt d p n t d v d th n b r f t ld r r thr p r v t p : Chr t n t thr h h r t n l p r t hn . " O " nd "Y , d r " b th n b r h n n r d n t n, th f t th f ll d Y IS I A S EEC St rt b h n n t d. M th b lb r v ln r bl t r r nt—p t th n th thr h. I h v d Y d n t n d tr n f l h r t t t n th d r . h 0 p r nt r t v r t n t t n d d t l t n. thr d — p n t rn t nt r pt v d n , r n t h n t Wr n n t r fr n d n p r d r d . (Y d nd tt nt v n t h r r l t n. t l n b r t , n th decide what you want. b tt r f d n t b th b t d f r h v h ldr n. h n h n t nd. C nv n th b lb r t n l t l . In t d f nr K n r d l p r v th d j , ld rpr . th t r pl nt th b t t t "I br ht pr h n h rv d x n n t n l r t dv r. ld l t f v l ht n h r . p r d r r , b t ft r lt rn t v f r th pr d nt t h fr , l t n th t xtr t n f n ll , f ll t th th d r t t. Sh th t d I v d d d t h f r t nd l t, nd p tt n th n K n r pr f rr d n th ddl . b lb th t h n n n h, nd n p r p fr th h rt." x n n v t bl h th " rr t" pt n, rd n t K n r. ( t 24 A K YOU O A GUI G SE YOU GOA S 2
Y IS I A S O E x tl th t btl t t , b t I v n t d G l n b r thr — n h h t n d n t do something or to K n r, r t l r f ll n rp r t r nt pr nt t n . stop doing t— th t d ff lt. It r r d ff r nt, r p r n l th G ld l t hn ll th t , U ll , n t r nt t pl b t n l v l f t n. S pp I d dn t nt t t d nn r t ll. r th ld ff r n l r pr d t p pl , t f th t d l th j t t h v h d l t r r n t d t t t th d r. h t l t j n nd h h nd d t th r h — r nd r pp n nt . M d ht r, t n h r t dr n , t n ld xpr n. Y n v th h r lt b t ll n t r th n r, n p ll d ff lt dv r t t l t t d r f r t r ( r n t t n , j t r ht. xt Y IS I A t b , , n r . Alth h h nj r nt h l th n f ll n p r d t t f ll t W I E O OSA l tr n d t, h r br th r d , h n b ll p r v . Sh tr (th h p rt b t tt n t t t t Aft r tl n th th l t ff t h dr n n p th t h t rh t r l pr bl . d nt, j t d n th dpr d l n h n r nt ntl f l t r l z t p rt nv nt r v r n f r t. h n r n n . G t t th v t p n f r n p pl r f r l: ( v p r d n n pr n t r l b d t th . h d fl t r n rt th ht f ll th d p nd n n r I r ntl v t d h r n nd n, h r h b n f t nd h d d r nd b d t. nd r b th fr h rt th t ll h r d p nd p nd n t r ll t d nt. M f r t v n n th n t th th r , h pr p d d nn r t l pr Ind n b v n r t r r t r p bl n — lt rn t v ? (2 tr ph f p r n, f r t n nd h d bl t? r t r nt. I nt d t pl th n r d d nd t h r pl h p r f n r. G h n. r n rn d. t h n p t th p ll n l p r d t th th r t n d th n l lt th r. Y th t rn h ? h ME: W ld t ll t Ind n, b t pl r p l . ff th p nt n t bb rn t th tt n t dr n p rt. (I nt th t r tl n . d O O Y .: S r . t ph r ll . v r v r th n ? ME: S d n f n ? d n d r t t v t n d n , DOROTHY JR.: Oh, nd n f ll f th . n d t nv n t th t n t n n b d l—th t ME: Uh h h. S d n f n n p rt l r? • r n Al rt h t v r nt th t d n t th t. S lf d pr t n O O Y JR. [ vaguely] : Oh, h. A f r , h n I n d t r l d r t r t th h r n pt ME: An n r h r ? bl t br . d l p bl h n p n , I h rd th t p pl M nt n n DOROTHY JR.: t r ll . n n th r d v n r r n n d t b . God, nt f b n ME: S d r th r t t r l pl . h d dn t I th ht, another diet, f th r r n t n h l f r r p n DOROTHY JR.: If nt t , r . r d . l , th t tl th pl nn d f r th b d b t th f r r ME: I d n t nt t bn x "I n n t . It r f rr d t p rt l r n hb r h h l v l n r And th n I f lt lt b t l n p t n , h h, th h h d n t, h d n j r t , pl t A r n pr b bl t p bl h n p n th t h d h v b n r th n r tr t ll l n . W t t h r l h d n v r h rd f. h th r, rd l t, h p t nt thr l pl . Sh n, n lt h r t n l l. r th ldn t p n d t l v th r . t h ld b b ll d l n t r th r I l ft." t I h v d n b tt r f h h d pr p r d C r n n p h n dv n . The South Beach Diet? t ll br n . C r ht v n ppr v : th t ff t v rh t r d t lf, h S I l pr n t t r f b t ll r b t n d. r th n th n t n t v l . Sh h b t n t n b t n h r tr p t I n xpl n h th t tl n t h b d d ft r ll. t r tr n t t n n r nt. St ll, r th h d t r l t v l . W "S th h" nj r n f p pl — — n b th n tt r . It r n t d nn r n r n th r. All h h d t d p ll v t n, n f th h f r n p pl n d t. h d l d t r t rd h r h . t l t d n t n b n r d r p t r d r bl nd h hl 26 A K YOU O A GUI G
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Who moved my cheese? h , f r , bl . Wh d n t? • r n Al rt Should abortion be legal? l . Wh t Wh t n fr r ll r ht r r n b t l tt n l t? b t p t l r th? C n t n h h th r r n t t nd th r b t tr th b dd n l f n d h r n b d ? (M nd f l t ? Y n, b t th t ldn t b h f rd pl th v l h p r n. Ab l t d h ld — n r ht t h r n r th d nd d f f r nt nd f r b d , nd th n t t f l f . nt, n th Should we build a plant in Oaxaca? Ch : t ph l ph r ll d b ld r n t t b ld, O x r n t "d l t ." It t d v r th n , n t O x . t l p pl nt th . 28 THANK YOU FOR ARGUING CO O E E SE 2
Should Brad and Jen have split up? l —n t r l n , n r Ar t tl , h d v d f r f rh t r f r h f Y IS A WO K l , b t h t nd r nt rl t r v l . W r th j t t M t ff b th t n , l d th f t r b t f ll. t bb n th t t p r t ? h rh t r f th past, h d, d l th f p t r pr nt Did 0.J. do it? l . j t . h th j d l r nt f th rtr . t n . (" th n h r d Shall we dance? Ch : t d n r n t t d n . Ar t tl ll d t "f r n " rh t r , b t v r p th t b d." "Sh f r n . O r h ll n d pl th p t t t l j r ." If Wh h ld r h h t n l t nt h h r ? It t f nd r lf v t n f r bl n h th r. t , r f th t r b ll n v r t r l f r r nd th r n n f t r r . W t h pl n th r l v n r , r d n b nd l t n n h . " HE: Y r th n h t th v l l t. t : bl n n SHE: h n h t bl t n " r rd"? t h lp t th n xt ntr t?" SHE: C n t rn th t d n l ttl ? " Wh th r th n HE: Y r th n h t th v l l t. If nt t tr n n h r f v l I j r r n t, l t f r t SHE: Oh, r ll ? h n h t bl t n " r rd" ll v r b (n t t nt n b d t t , r n th r ht f r nd th pl th ft rn n? t n . r n r nt h lp d t r n h d n t, t t l n ." HE: S th t h t th b t. Y h t . n t h d n t r h ll d t. W t h Law and Order nd ll n t th t t f th d l n th p t t n . It Wh t d h nt t f th r nt? Q t. It h . Sh r r t f r l r nd p , b t l v n pl h ld b r f th nt h t h t t rn th d n. t n t d f h , th r t n . h p rp f f r n rh t r t d t r n lt nd t t nt t rn t bl , th n v l . p n h nt pl h t n th h b t f p n h n h th r ff r Blame: Y r th n h t th v l l t. th f t th d d rr n r. G tt n l v l b. Values: S th t h t th b t. Y h t . b t th present t n ? I th t n b tt r? It n • r n Al rt b . h rh t r f th pr nt h ndl pr nd n If th t It h rd t p t v h b t t rn n th v l n b h n d n t n, p r t n th d fr th b d, d t n h nt t n nd , r b t p t n v l t n nd th x t nt l l t f h n r p fr th r r p nd nd v d l r r ht. h " r rd." r t nd fr h th r. Ar t tl r rv d th pr nt f r d p bl n l v h x pl I v f th r —bl , v l , nd h — r b n p pl h t n t d l r f l th pr nt t n . It r t t h rt n p tt rn. h bl t n d l th th p t. h v l t l v p t th . It th n l l n f t r p th b , t n r n th pr nt t n . And th h t n h v t d n nt ddr , f n r l r t n , nd r n . It nd l th th f t r . t nd t l br t h r r nd n n n . It d r . M r v p pl rt f tr b l d nt t . (W r r t, t r n th n th l t l = t h pt r. l = r nt r r t r rd . Wh n l d r h tr bl n Ch = t r fr nt n th f t r , h r l r tr b l t l . Ar t tl t r f r th nd f l n "d n tr t v " rh t r , b If f nd n r nt p nn n t f ntr l, tr t h n th t n . n nt r t r d t t d n tr t th r f n t t hn . O r p n bl n th h th f, th p t t n . t n t r nt t v pl t t d v d h th r. b l v th t b rt n t rr bl n, th pr nt t n . h f t r , th h, th b t t n f r tt n p nd t n th l v n r . HE: S th t h t th b t. Y h t . 0 A K YOU O A GUI G CO O E E SE
• M n n Y ht th t th n b r l bl f r HE: t th t l d, r d nt t pl Ar t tl Gr rd t h n t n fr p t t pr nt. t l t n t f r d n tr t v th n l ? rh t r p d t , t ll f r n n h th r, ? h n b SHE: W ll, n th t nt n t, I d pr f r th n b t th nl p pl r ht, ft r ll p rh p th r nt h t d th h th t npr l ttl l h rb nd . n n bl t r r th th n f r n rd S n rd nd n t th v l O h pl n , nd h n lt th nt r l r nr . h t d rh t r n . n b. In n , th r d l h dd nl h r j t b n h f l j t f d t r t l t b t h d t d r t l . d n tr t v . t rn d tr b l: I l , h t t. If th n h pp n d t b p l t n h ld f nd t h rd t HE: S th n r l v t r h, n? h t d n t r t dd n , "And th t j t r n " W th r ll t rn n. W nt t t h v ? Y IS I A I C pr nt t n t t l b t v l : h t r n . If r p t n t rn n th r nt b t h , th n p t fr tt n h r ht. t t n " r rd" r ll r n . n t p r r t p r n l— nd p bl p h r ff b l n , n h r b t r p n r nd d t ( r If nt t j nt d n, n d t t r f n nd , v ln r bl t p r n. f n th f t r . h th t n th t Ar t tl th f t r t n n t r pp n nt. "Y v v d f r h f v r t rh t r . ll d t "d l b r SHE: Wh t d h v n nd? h rd l t f br n t v ," b t r b t h nd h lp HE: Terminator 2 b t p t pl h W h v n t n n . nt nd h r t d d h t t r t l l . l b r t v SHE: Terminator 2?! I h t th t v . pp n nt , b t r nt h f t p "th dv nt ," rd • r n Al rt l t t l b t th A h ll n . h l ttl ff t p , b t I I pr bl d dn t f t r : h t d n t Ar t tl . h th t pr t nd f d h th b ff n nt d n ?" n t r t v n n th r rh t r l tr : pr rh t r . It p r ht nd r n , d nd h d, n n dr ft, h t p n xtr h f r t. It ll th n x d I h v f r f v r f xp d n . nt nd r r n bl . I d th t hn tr n ff t p ? C r d d r r nt t n (d n tr t v rh t r t nd t f n h th p pl lf n tt n f t r t n r n n t h n th b nd n r p r t n . ft r n l G r . I pr p d l t f lt rn t n nd rh th f n r nt, nd t t n (f r n rh t r thr t n p n h nt. t v — p r n l f v r t r n M lv ll d I. d r b t r t n (d l b r t v r nt pr p ff. Y n nr h — nt l h f n ll d, "Y n , G r n p r v tr n th ddl h Ar t tl d d t d th rh t r f d n n t d n t r ll nd th t b d." I d h r nd t ld f d r pt n th f t r . h r h h I l v d h r, nd n t h d n th r r f t n , I h p t nt n b lt. h h th O r p r pl r n tr nd d n th pr nt t n , l t r nd t l r n ll t r pl . rt f n . th r d l nd th p d l b r t v l — n th f t r t n , th t . HE: W ll, th n, h b t Lawrence of Arabia?
SHE: C n t rn th t d n l ttl ? n h ld pr f r d ff r nt v —th d rt j t n t h r HE: S r , I d b h pp t . th n —b t t d n t nd th t h d ft r th f r t h . E: O . W t. Sh ldn t h , "I'll b h pp t "? I will, n t I would? W ll, r , r pr b bl r ht. ld. t b n th nd t n l d— Lawrence t . Wh h h pp n t b th v h nt d n th f r t pl . " ld" n t d f " ll"—h l v h lf n p n n . h d t n t n b t n th thr f r f rh t r n d t r n th 2 A K YOU O A GUI G CO O E E SE
f d r , b n , r f l . Y IS W E All h v f r th f t r nj t r r h , n t f t . Wh n A GUI G U S b r th r nt I h d th n, G r ? O IG I G r S p n r th h f n th f t r t n f d l b r t v C n d r "Wh t r nt, f t h v n th n t d th t: ME: Wh d ll th t thp t ? h ld d b t t?" nd " n GEO GE: h t n t th t n, t, d? h MA GE: r, I d n t nt dr v n r nd n r p t fr t n , h r n t p t fr h pp n n n?" b lt r lf. h pp n n n? rh t r l v r OME : Y n t th r pl n n , r n n t n f W 40 S r d , th d d rv r d t f r t h n l br nt. h p t t b lt . nd pr nt n th rh t r fr p t t f t r —fr f r n t d h lp In t d f h lp n t f nd l v tr th, d l b r t v r nt l b r t v . p t th r nt n d n n p nt, b t n r nt nv lv n deliberates, h n n h n t th th r, n d r n th r d . Wh t h ll v th b t dv nt f r d n v nt ll t n . t n n ndl ppl f t thp t ? h t t rn t th f t r . Ch :
h, r nt n , th r? Ann r tt S r t Sh ld r p n r pl t p t r , r h r p t nt t h t ff? • r n Al rt ld n. h f t r nd l v l , b t n t v l d W ll r d t bb t? A d p r d r nt p t th d r pp d t b b t t n t th f t ? h Sh ld nv d Ir ? • Wh t Wr n th h n bj t n . f t r has n f t , r ht? n t t pl p l t ? Ar nt? Id ll , nt t C rr t. t d n t x t n th f t r . W n Wh n r b t v l , d n pr d th v n tr t v rh t r , n t d l b r t v . If r l n C ll r: I d n t n h b f r th d n n th t th n p t rd , nd th t t b t th r t , b t G r h n th n t h t h h n n b t n nl predict th t th n ll th r t —G d, r n —th n th d n r l n h n h t . j r t n r r ll bl . p t rr . Wh n ttl Orph n Ann n xt C ll r: I nb l v h b n t th t d f l Tomorrow n , h d n t f t Et rn l tr th ll n r th : bl n r t th t ll t r f ll ll r. If h h t bets. h d n f r r th r l , nd th b d r nt, h pr p r Ar t t l n, I th r G d? l p nt b v n Ann v n d t th . b n Ir , h d h t t t f p r d b l t . I h x l t r l? h r th t: t h r n b r h , (Oh, t. Y r th Bet your bottom dollar I p t l b d? d n h r . S r t h b b . Sh ld ll t d nt n th n "b v n ." That tomorrow W A S W O G: h h t There'll be sun! C nd nt ? ld h v t rn d th nt p l t l r nt Ann n d th t th nr h n t t b f t. C ll t Or In h th r nt h t r l n r b n h th r h p l ll t h t ph n Ann : h n nl may p t rr . A f l r l nd t ph . And t t pl tl n nt n Ir . In t d, h nt, l n th n b t th f t r , nn t t t th f t . th pr nt t n , th l n f d n tr t v nt ll tr b l: Sh n t n f r b l t l d l l b r t v r nt n use f t , b t t t n t l t t lf t th . rh t r . It n b p rt l rl dd n n n th pr nt t n — Wh l nd I n d r b t th p t l f r n , r n t r t l d p t , b t r pr h . h n nd h t? l t l t l d l th r n d l b r t v l pl d p t f t. th r f n d d t ( n tr t v rh t r th rh t r f pr h th f t r : h t t r t O d . W r l l t p. (I j t l d t p. r , ft r ll. d , t f r r d ff lt t b t dv nt ? CO O E E SE 4 A K YOU O A GUI G
h n n v l th n t h n h r nd. Aft r ll, t rn l tr th ld th n p r t n n l, th d th t r d f r h r r pp d t b ... t rn l. ld r br th r. Ev r r l f th b ld ppl t v r t t n. h rl r t l n rn , n th th r h nd, r p n t d l b r t v d b t . b rd ld l t h th r , everything ld b h p r b th d l b r t n h t d th h , v r th n b t t depends— d z n, nd th rld ld n t l r : bl nd h t . t l , n th r t n , th t , th p pl nv lv d, nd h t v r "p bl " t d n t. S t , nd r r t n ( , j p n t f n n h n t l b t p bl p n n. l b r t v r nt r rpl n f r th f r t t , t v r b d d t l b f r l p. l n p bl p n n t r lv t n , n t h h r p r. S t th n f r n t rr bl fr nd. h d n p n n ll n r th :
Sh ld th t t l l t r r t x t f nd d nt h l ? G rl r r Sh ld r r d ll n ? Wh n h ld r p n r l t n t pr d t? A h b nd nd f d b t v r h th r t nv t r n t , r n b nd .
E: t t r v th r th t . If r pl , " h t j t r n " t n r nt, d n tr t v , S E: h xp rt pr d t th r t ll t n th r. I v l rh t r . If r pl , "On th th r h nd," th n r r nt h t n rv t v . h n f n h . Wh r ? th n t pr d t th n f t r . h n A E : O r d ld br h r n n th ld n nl t th r b t t d . Wh t ld th t r nt l l n th b r . pr nt t n ? MO E : On th th r h nd, h n t. d , th r d n t n h l rn ht pr v nt f t r d nt . E: M d d l d bl h p r th t . h t th r ht nd f nv t nt. And t ht n t. Ch r f ll f th h t f n r , nd d l b r S E: W ll, th t j t r n . M tr l r bl h p r t v d r d l th th r pr b b l t . In The Simpsons—an ndl v l. r f rh t r l t r l— d l nd r , b rn n Chr t n, t Y IS I A h pl r v r h th r t pr v d MEE I G t M th b rt nd r th d n tr t v , pr nt t n rh t r , nd ld r t n rth d nt f r th r t n r ld. M tt pt t th nj t r l l n f d l b r t v nt l ll nt th d n. If n rh t r . S E: Str ht t th ll b d f r h lf r nt b d n n th p t t . r pr nt t n , E A E S: Y l , h t f ll d n. E: Y h, b t f p t th n nt ll t h t t th MOE: . I b l , nd I b h t f ll d, b t .. . f t r . "Y r ll f nd, ll h v d bt fr ll r d t . n d h . . . h t th l t th n d? S E: A b t th d ll r d t . p nt , b t h r n t ?" M I th r r ht h ? M b . t th d n t n l b r t n th rh t r f h , l t r ll . It d l th d n , r th t nd d n d p nd n p rt l r r t n , n t t rn l tr th nd h t t nd h v t d n n n th l . h t n d f n th t n d l th pr b b l t , n t f t r v l . n ld f t . If l f r fr f nt n n , th n ld l v b f th t f v r bl r l r tt n n t n th t ld ppl t ll r d n . Ev r b b S pp r n l nd d d t d v r r t r d . 6 A K YOU O A GUI G CO O E E SE
nt n th r th rt th nn v r r h n rr rf n n tr t r h h r t r d t l n th h pt r t . Y ll h n v l t t Cl b M d. Y h v t h r , n r l nd th th r pr t t n n r nt b t h , nd h tr b l p h n h lp l. h r l n r bl b r d f n t n. Y r n l th r ht l n n th r r t n l d b t . M n h l , r b r th r n r r ht. Y ld r nd h th t h br n nd rf l t l : n h rt, b t ld b r n z n , n t r n . Y ld C ntr l th . nt t f x bl ? f n h t thr t n t b r h fr h n v n d nn r, b t th t ld b r n, r b r n v l ? Or t r d n t n t r nt— n h ld pr f r r t r t r b ff t h ? h t pr d t v r nt h th h Cl b M d h tt . th r ntr l . n t l t d b t rv h dl l h pr t l, d b t bl n r n l d l th th l l nt v l r lt. K p t f d n h th t lv n n f d t h n r nt f r th tr ph f . pr bl t r d n ( nd r dv nt . C ntr l th l . K p r r nt n th r ht t n . In Y : Sh ll l v th n th r, nd ll b l n l nd d b t v r h , r t t rn t th f t r . r bl f r v r. U C E: h n t. And n n ll f l n r, h h n I ll l v l n r.
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