The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 9, 2016 — Page 1 First Class U.S. The New Hampshire Gazette Postage Paid A Non-Fiction Newspaper Vol. CCLXI, No. 6 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Portsmouth, N.H. Permit No. 75 December 9, 2016 PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com Address Service Requested

Th e Fortnightly Rant Generally Speaking … on’t bother going to an au- self from hazardous duty. “It is a Ddiologist — that sound you dangerous world out there,” he hear coming from the Cabinet once told Howard Stern, during Room is just the medals rattling. a wide-ranging philosophical Our future Commander-in-Chief discussion about New York City is larding his cabinet with nightlife. Th e odds of acquir- star-laden former generals. ing sexually-transmitted diseases We shouldn’t be surprised. Like were “scary, like Vietnam …. It is much of the nation since the early my personal Vietnam. I feel like 1970s, he has a complex, curious, a great and very brave soldier.” and twisted relationship with mil- Judging from that comment, itary service. He’s not the only one Trump will be quite comfortable who’s over-compensating. integrating the military viewpoint His Own Private Vietnam into civil governance. Undisciplined and underpriv- It may take a while for the rest ileged adolescents of that era of us, though, to get used to hav- often found themselves in re- ing generals running parts of the form school. Th e undisciplined, government. After all, it’s been over-privileged Trump had a fa- more than forty years since we ther who sent him to the New turned national defense over to a York Military Academy. Trump permanent, professional military; has credited that experience with everyone who ever answered the having built his character. Maybe call of the Selective Service is now the Academy had achieved per- eligible to collect checks from So- fection, or maybe Trump decid- cial Security — provided that they ed too much character would be survived their war, of course. a fl aw; either way, at a time when Our Empire ’Tis of Th ee lives in defense of the nation’s Guardian in 2008. Th e reputation aphorisms, such as “Be polite, be Vietnam was off ering open en- It may sound strange, in a global market share is approxi- survived, though the city did not, professional, but have a plan to kill rollment in post-graduate charac- country that’s been constantly at mately equal to the number who inspiring the diplomat to call Pet- everybody you meet.” If Trump ter-building courses, Trump went war for fi fteen years, but just four- actually profi t from the empire raeus “the Tefl on General.” picked Mattis for his scholarship, to some lengths to avoid them. tenths of one percent of Ameri- they are defending. Th e nickname still seems to ap- the editor will eat a combat boot. Trump likes to claim that it was cans currently serve in uniform. Th e Tefl on General ply. Last year Petraeus pled guilty Retired Marine General John F. his high lottery number which Th at fi gure is an historical low for Th is may be why Trump wants to giving top secret information Kelly, a candidate for Secretary of saved him from the draft. As the the post WW II era, but higher General David Petraeus for Sec- to a woman with whom he was Homeland Security, ran the U.S. New York Times delicately put it than it was for most of our history. retary of State. Petraeus famously having an illicit aff air, and lying Southern Command for three last August, though, his “public Th e uptick seems to be a conse- “wrote the book” on counterinsur- to federal investigators. Th ough years. Th at actually makes him a statements about his draft experi- quence of the creation of the na- gency — which is what empires he did on purpose what Hillary logical choice — unless one ob- ence sometimes confl ict with his tional security state through the call their half of an asymmetrical Clinton only risked by accident, jects to the militarization of po- Selective Service records.” Th ose National Security Act of 1947. war. Asymmetrical wars are what no one is yelling “hang the bas- lice functions being carried out on records show four annual student While all the other manufac- happens when people get fed up tard.” If he wins Senate confi rma- a global scale. deferments, the fi rst in 1964, fol- turing nations in the world were with neocolonialism. tion, Petraeus would be the fi rst Army Lieutenant General Mi- lowed by a 1-Y medical deferment supine and enrubbled, America Another reason might be to Secretary of State to need permis- chael T. Flynn, with his paltry issued in October of 1968. Since factories were fi red up and ready pick up pointers from a master of sion from his probation offi cer to three stars, brings up the rear of the Selective Service called up to go. Using the Soviet Union as public relations. Th e alleged paci- leave the country. our parade of brass hats. Th e Na- 283,586 men in 1969, and the fi rst a convenient if improbable foil, fi cation of Mosul convinced the Blood, Guts, and Tin Foil Hats tional Security Advisor is a chron- draft lottery wasn’t held until De- American industrialists leaned press of Petraeus’ greatness — an Trump’s pick for Secretary of ic regurgitator of bogus news cember of that year, it’s safe to say on the government to make the accomplishment that disappeared Defense, Marine General James stories comparable to the one his 1-Y deferment may well have world safe for capitalism — which like the Cheshire cat. “[A]ll the Mattis, is a brilliant man who has which inspired a real-life dumb saved Trump’s life. You’d think he they decided to spell f-r-e-e- guys he was supposedly training spent his lifetime commanding guy with a gun to shoot up a D.C. could give it a little credit, just out d-o-m. Th e result is an even, in 2004 are nowhere to be seen men and studying military history pizza joint on Sunday afternoon. of gratitude. though gruesome, balance: the and Mosul basically collapsed af- so that their lives might be spent All this, already, and still six To be fair, our President Elect number of people who are con- ter he left,” a former U.S. diplomat as frugally as possible. He is also weeks to go before the inaugura- has not always exempted him- tractually obligated to risk their who had served in told the a fount of colorful, bloodthirsty tion.

Th e Alleged News® Welcome to Stage Three he nation’s non-deplorables Neo-Anti-Federalism since then; apparently cranial ac- Since the South’s “peculiar in- ty, that the offi ce of President will Thave hit Stage Th ree of the One potential tack towards a tivity began to kick in once the stitution” was abolished more than never fall to the lot of any man Kübler-Ross grief model: with just Trump-free future would be to initial shock wore off . While the a century and a half ago, abolish- who is not in an eminent degree six weeks to go before President somehow negate the Elector- number of people horrifi ed by a ing the Electoral College now endowed with the requisite quali- Obama tosses the White House al College. Th e numbers make it Trump presidency is enormous, would provide a dose of poetic, if fi cations. Talents for low intrigue, keys to a thrice-married quadruple clear that there’s a case: Clinton the number who can imagine Re- tardy, justice. and the little arts of populari- bankrupt with funny hair and the beat Trump with 48.2 percent publican electors actually catering Speaking of “peculiar insti- ty, may alone suffi ce to elevate a attention span of a three-year-old, of the popular vote to his 46.2; to the wishes of a bunch of whiny tutions,” doesn’t that term seem man to the fi rst honors in a single disparate elements of the reali- Trump, though, clobbered Clin- liberals seems more limited. equally applicable to the Electoral State; but it will require other tal- ty-based community are bargaining ton with 56.88 percent of Elec- Time to Complete Abolition? College, itself? ents, and a diff erent kind of merit, left and right further left. toral College votes to her 43.12 Even disregarding the imme- Where’s the Return Counter? to establish him in the esteem and A lot of Clintonistas are fairly percent. diate emergency, several sound If the Founding Fathers were confi dence of the whole Union, excited because Hillary’s lead in Th is obvious disparity — on arguments can be made against still alive, and the Electoral Col- or of so considerable a portion of the popular vote has now grown top of Th e Horror — sparked an the Electoral College: good lege were a product, we could sue it as would be necessary to make to more than two percent. Th eir immediate and visceral anti-Elec- housekeeping, for example. Th e the old bastards for false advertis- him a successful candidate for the candidate appears to have van- toral reaction. In the fi rst four Electoral College was created ing. distinguished offi ce of President ished, but that doesn’t seem to days after the election, four mil- as bait nearly 230 years ago: a Alexander Hamilton — an of the . It will not matter; as in the campaign, being lion desperate Americans signed compromise engineered to give architect of the archaic artifact be too strong to say, that there right is what’s important. Win- an online petition begging the slave-holding states an edge in in question — said in Federalist ning is just external validation, ir- Electors to vote for Clinton. Th e political power, off ered as an in- Paper No. 68 that the Electoral Th e Alleged News® relevant to those with self-esteem. signature count has barely budged centive to join the union. College “aff ords a moral certain- to page two Page 2 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 9, 2016

Th e Alleged News® cites Trump’s divisiveness as the from page one central characteristic which makes him “unacceptable.” Th e Presi- will be a constant probability of dent Elect, he wrote, has shown seeing the station fi lled by char- “again and again that he does acters pre-eminent for ability and not meet these standards. Given virtue.” his own public statements, it isn’t We rest our case. clear how the Electoral College Irrelevants for Somebody Else can ignore these issues, and so it Four Electors in Colorado, should reject him.” He concluded joined by two more in Washing- by calling on electors to “unify be- ton and one elsewhere, formed a hind a Republican alternative, an group called the “Hamilton Elec- honorable and qualifi ed man or tors” on November 29th. Th eir woman such as Gov. web page makes a poignant plea of Ohio.” to other members of their peculiar Kasich, for his part, has asked institution to prevent the coming any would-be faithless electors to train wreck. forget it, on the grounds that such Noble as their cause is, six of the an action would “only serve to fur- seven are Democrats who would ther divide our nation, when unity have to convince 37 Republican is what we need.” Electors to cast ballots which Where that last quality might would go against the intent of the come from has yet to be deter- voters of their states — and, in mined. many cases, go against state laws I Want My Phone Call — a plan that seems to have no By way of encouragement, more chance of success than that Lawrence Lessig, the Harvard pleading online petition. lawyer who ran a rather ineff ectu- Th e Bold and the Doomed al campaign to … to … do some- millions of disappointed hardcore it did before it handed the Pres- competent by a judicial proceed- Th at being said, there is one thing during the last election, is Trumpeters will go quietly back to idency over to a Cheeto-colored ing, has gone Dayen one better. Trump elector in Texas who has said to be organizing a legal de- their homes in the red states and crackpot. He argues that Joe Biden, as Pres- not only read Ol’ No. 68, but writ- fense fund for faithless Electors. accept the inauguration of John A Supreme Challenge ident of the Senate, could, during ten an op-ed about it which was Let us hope that it is needed. Kasich — a full-blown crank in One of the most nausea-induc- an evanescent moment between published in Monday’s New York Should the faithless Electors his own right, who only appeared ing realizations to pop up during swearings-in when Democrats Times. Chris Suprun specifi cally prevail, we sincerely hope that the reasonable in comparison with a this uneasy interregnum is that will have a 36-30 majority, by us- rogue’s gallery of stellar cranks, the incoming Twitterer-in-Chief ing a procedural legerdemain far crooks, and fools — with serene will probably get to choose a few too complex to summarize here, equanimity. Supreme Court justices. Th is leads simply jam Garland onto the Big Our two cents: the only can- us to another radical possibility Bench and tell the Republcans to didate with a hope in hell of suc- making the rounds as Th e Un- go pound sand. cessfully presiding in the event thinkable Moment approaches. We’d like to have the popcorn of such a scenario would be that Several weeks ago the writer concession if Uncle Joe tries that. white-haired gentleman from David Dayen argued that Pres- One Last Grasp Vermont with the Brooklyn ac- ident Obama could disregard recently made cent. Congressional Republicans’ bo- the unsupported claim that mil- Did Not See Th at Coming gus “pro forma” sessions and put lions of fraudulent votes were cast Even its harshest critics have Merrick Garland on the Supreme in the election. Th at would seem to admit. Th e Electoral College Court in a recess appointment. to call the results into question. has been a veritable fount of It’s a move that would certainly One has to wonder — is it possi- head-scratching weirdness since, reduce the number of slow news ble that it’s fi nally dawned on him oh, say, 2000. With this latest days for a while. Th e downside what a burden the Presidency is? stunt you’d think it had about would be that such appointments Is he looking for a way to weasel worn out its welcome. are only good for one year. out of the job he went to such A brand-new poll, though, Now blogger David Waldman, trouble to lie his way into? Th e Portsmouth Athenæum celebrates the holidays in a tasteful, subdued claims to have found that it now who, to the best of our knowledge Th e second hour of a recent manner, as befi ts an institution about to celebrate its bicentennial year. has a higher approval rating than has never been found mentally in- Diane Rehm Show was about

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We design. We print. 7HERE-EMORABLE-EALS#OME.ATURALLY We print your design. NOMATTERWHATDAYOFTHEWEEK phineas DIGITAL / OFFSET / LETTERPRESS Q phineasgraphics.com 603-436-4402 / 108 Penhallow in historic downtown Portsmouth ,AFAYETTE0LAZA 2OUTE 0ORTSMOUTH  s-ON 3ATAM PM 3UNAM PM The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 9, 2016 — Page 3 the involuntary hospitalization to do with it. of the insane. It delved into the “[O]riginally constructed as the defi nition of psychosis — a state Eastern Oklahoma Tuberculosis in which the suff erer can’t put Sanatorium in 1921,” according to thoughts together in a way that its offi cial web page, the Talihina makes coherent sentences, and Veterans Center where Peterson holds beliefs so unrealistic that died was “transferred to the con- they cannot possibly be true. trol of the [Oklahoma] War Vet- Th e fi rst hour of the show had erans Commission” in 1975. Th e been all about Donald Trump and Talihina Veterans Center is solely the recent election. Does anyone the responsibility of the State of believe that was just a coinci- Oklahoma. Governed since 2011 dence? by Mary Fallin, a Republican, If worst comes to worst and the Sooner State’s House seats Trump is inaugurated, Demo- 71 Republicans, outnumbering crats should at least insist on the 30 Democrats by better than two appointment of a Presidential to one. But that’s nothing — in shrink. the Senate, Republicans have a It’s Oklahoma Th at’s Not OK fi ve-to-one advantage: 40 seats to “Maggots (maggots!) found in eight. wounds of a veteran at @Dept- Th ere is some slight possibility VetAff airs hospital,” former U.S. that Hegseth was unaware of that Army Major Pete Hegseth tweet- distinction, which would merely ed on Monday, his glee and am- make his tweet irresponsible. On bition plainly visible between the the other hand, there’s a very good lying lines. True, there were mag- chance that he knew but didn’t gots in the wounds of Vietnam vet care, which would make him a Owen Reese Peterson when he mendacious liar on a par with since the contribu- the donors by Kevin Gentry, vice to what government-run health- died of sepsis in October — but Rep. Frank Guinta [R-N.H.]. tor’s Twitter feed includes sev- president of the foundation. Gen- care does.” “@DeptVetAff airs” had nothing Th at seems increasingly likely, eral replies informing him of his try told the donors, “you all helped Th ey used to say in the Army, as-yet-uncorrected error. build a group called Concerned “If it moves, salute it; if it doesn’t, Plutocrats v. Veterans Veterans for America.” paint it.” Th e Koch Brothers just Th e average person must fi nd Hegseth’s remarks were taped, say “privatize it” — no matter if it distressing and infuriating to and reported in the September it fl ips, fl ops, or fl ies. Zeal, fl ex- hear tales of brave veterans being 29th, 2014 Nation by George ibility, and his ability to always horribly mistreated. We’ll give Zornick. “Concerned Veterans follow that directive were what Hegseth the benefi t of the doubt for America is an organization won Hegseth his position with and presume that he does, too. this network literally created to Conservative Concerned Veter- But for him they also represent empower veterans and military ans for America. Th at ambition job security and opportunity. families to fi ght for the freedom now stands to be further gratifi ed: Hegseth has long toiled on and prosperity here at home that Donald Trump is said to be con- the Koch Brothers’ propaganda we fought for in uniform on the sidering Hegseth for Secretary of plantation, his specialty being the battlefi eld,” Hegseth told his au- Veterans Aff airs. muddying of waters surround- dience [emphasis added]. He will certainly fi t right in ing veterans issues. Any sor- “Perhaps most importantly to if he’s called to join the new ad- did-sounding story that can be this eff ort,” Hegseth said, “we ministration. While a few con- exploited so that it puts VA hospi- have created a new line of defense servative websites like the Daily tals in a bad light plays right into against the march towards social- Caller and the Washington Stan- the Koch Brothers anti-union, ized medicine …. Th roughout dard took the trouble to correctly Any day now, another bold step will be taken to reduce Portsmouth’s per- pro-privatization agenda. this eff ort, Concerned Veterans assign blame in the maggot case nicious surplus of aff ordable housing. Like pools of standing water which Both these points were proven for America, along with our net- to the State of Oklahoma, Breit- breed bloodthirsty mosquitos, each remaining unit of aff ordable housing is at a meeting of Charles G. Koch work partners, have intentionally bart News — chief strategist Steve capable of sheltering multiple scruff y, low-income residents who contrib- Charitable Foundation donors at broadened the debate to include Bannon’s old outfi t, falsely pinned ute but little to the city’s economy. Th e pending demolition of these two Dana Point, Calif. in the summer big government dysfunction gen- the blame on the Obama admin- unassuming Hill Street structures, and their replacement with something of 2014. erally, further fortifying a new istration — as did virtually all of no doubt larger and more grand, will unleash the profi t- and tax reve- Hegseth, who was then the skepticism that [Americans for the thousands of Fox viewers who nue-producing powers of the valuable land underneath them. Who says CEO of Concerned Veterans Prosperity, another Koch front re-tweeted Hegseth’s original there’s no such thing as progress? for America, was introduced to group] and others have brought misleading tweet. Page 4 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 9, 2016

I’m not sorry Hillary lost. I can fulfi lled the citizenship require- only hope that the Democrat- ment for President. Hate Mail ic Party returns to what it once Now, we fi nd that Donald Mash Notes, was: the party of immigrants, mi- Trump lost the popular vote to built-in safety mechanism to pre- Harsanyi argued that the Elec- norities, and the working classes, Hillary Clinton by more than vent a very dangerous man from toral vote is more valid than the and that the nation survives long two million votes. We might ar- becoming President. Twenty-one popular vote. “Th ere are tons of enough for that to happen. I’m gue that Trump doesn’t deserve to states do not restrict which can- conservatives in blue states, for not holding my breath. Mean- be president because he was not didate their electors vote for. In instance, who do not vote because while, I did what I could to pre- supported by a majority of voters. these states, it is perfectly legal for they understand that the majority vent the election of Trump, even Trump’s legitimacy as president is electors to vote for the candidate around them have a diff erent po- going so far as voting for Clinton in doubt. He is, at best, a minority that received over two million litical outlook,” he wrote. on November 8th — the most President. more votes, and preserve our de- Th ere are also many liberals in distasteful thing I’ve ever had to And that is how I will refer mocracy. red states who stay home because You Just Keep On Keeping On do since I stopped killing people, to him in speech and in writing We pledge allegiance to our na- they know that their votes won’t To the Editor: and I am not speaking metaphor- — minority president Donald J. tion, the United States of Ameri- count. I may be crazy, but I can’t get all ically — but Trump’s going to be Trump. As they say, Mr. Trump, ca, not to states. States shouldn’t Only a little more than half of that exorcised about the outcome the next president of the United what goes around, comes around. determine the result of our vote. eligible voters voted in this elec- of the recent presidential election. States, and that is that. For better Gary Patton It is not fair nor democratic that tion. Th e Power Brokers in the Dem- and worse and all points in-be- Hampton, N.H. the votes of people living in Cali- All votes would count if the ocratic party have no one but tween, that is that. Gnashing my ≈≈≈ fornia count one third as much as popular vote determined who themselves to blame for the disas- teeth and tearing out my hair is Save Us, Electoral College! votes of people living in low-pop- won. ter that is the election of Donald not going to change that or make To the Editor: ulated states. Democracy’s demise Th e Electoral College was writ- Trump. it any easier to bear. Th e candidate who claimed he under a self-serving swindler ten into the Constitution by our Back in the 1990s, under a pres- I plan to continue doing what would “drain the swamp” is fi lling triumphing over the majority of Founding Fathers in the days ident named Clinton, the party I’ve been doing with increasing it with plutocrat alligators like Americans can still be avoided. before women were allowed into turned its back on ordinary peo- success as I’ve aged: make the best himself. Our democracy is in dan- Bruce Joff e politics, so that won’t change. But ple and became Republican Lite, choice I can whenever I have a ger of dissolving under Trump’s Piedmont, Calif. apparently some states are trying and even Republican-not-so-Li- choice, tell the people I love that appointees. He cares only about ≈≈≈ to allocate their electoral votes in te, answering to Big Business I love them, be as nice as I can to amassing power and wealth for Unpopular Presidents proportion to the popular vote in and Wall Street instead of ordi- everyone, apologize when I get it himself. His allies would serve To the Editor: each state, and this might make nary Americans. When the fi rst wrong, and hope that I’ve lived those goals as they use our gov- According to americanhistory. things fairer. Clinton proved himself to be an a life I can be proud of when it’s ernmental agencies for their own about.com, “Four presidents took I don’t like the likelihood that amoral philandering disgrace, the over. purposes — cutting taxes for offi ce without winning the popu- Trump will become our president party rewarded the other Clinton Bill Ehrhart themselves, scrapping oversight lar vote. In other words, they did in 2017 any more than I liked it for her party loyalty with a Senate formerly Sergeant, U.S.M.C. of Wall Street, and reducing en- not receive a plurality in terms of when George W. Bush became seat and appointment to Secretary Bryn Mawr, Pa. vironmental regulations on big the popular vote. Th ey were elect- our president in 2001. of State. Bill: polluters. His quick-trigger, au- ed, instead, by the electoral college Dick Devens In 2008, the party powerful We would only add, anyone who thoritarian temper would harm us or in the case of John Quincy Ad- Center Sandwich N.H. promised Hillary Clinton that if bugs out under these circumstances within and beyond our borders. ams by the House of Represen- ≈≈≈ she just remained loyal one more probably didn’t deserve to be here in Th e Electoral College is poised tatives after a tie in the electoral Praying for Truth time, she would get her turn in the fi rst place. to elect the most unprepared, cor- votes. Th ey were: John Quincy To the Editor: 2016. She was anointed eight Th e Editor rupt, untruthful, intemperate can- Adams who lost by 44,804 votes Recently Donald Trump met years ago, and no one in the upper ≈≈≈ didate in our entire history, one to Andrew Jackson in 1824, with a number of TV media ex- reaches of the party bothered to Mmmmm … Delicious Irony who appears to be a misogynistic, Rutherford B. Hayes who lost by ecutives and news anchors. Th e listen to the millions of ordinary To the Editor, racist, mentally unstable narcissist. 264,292 votes to Samuel J. Tilden meeting was private and, so called, Americans (like me) who begged Ah, the irony of it all. Th e purpose of the EC system is in 1876, Benjamin Harrison who off the record. Th ose attending for a candidate and a party that Donald Trump spent years al- to prevent an unqualifi ed dema- lost by 95,713 votes to Grover the meeting refused to tell re- would represent us. Instead, they leging that Barack Obama was gogue from assuming Presiden- Cleveland in 1888, and George porters what was discussed, citing used super-delegates and a com- not born in the United States. tial power. In Hamilton’s words W. Bush who lost by 543,816 their agreement with Trump. So pliant media to make sure that Th us, in Trump’s view, Obama (Federalist 68): “Th e process of votes to Al Gore in the 2000 elec- now we have the media making Bernie Sanders did not get the didn’t satisfy the citizenship re- election [EC] aff ords a moral tion. news by meeting with Donald nomination. quirement and was not qualifi ed certainty, that the offi ce of Pres- Donald J. Trump was losing by Trump, and then refusing to let Now I hear the Clintonites to be the president. In the end, ident will never fall to the lot of 1,223,095 to Hillary Clinton sev- the American people know what whining that Hillary Clinton won faced with overwhelming evi- any man who is not in an eminent eral days ago, but now he trails by happened. Th is raises a number of the popular vote. So did Bernie dence that Obama was born in degree endowed with the requisite more than that. serious questions regarding how Sanders. Screw the Clintonites. the United States, Trump backed qualifi cations.” In the November 21, 2016 is- Trump will deal with the press, I’m sorry Th e Donald won, but down and admitted that Obama Now is the time to use this sue of the Union Leader, David but more importantly, will the Wanted Spreading Truth, Humor, and Love Subscriptions make Modern, Abstract, Surreal Oil on Canvas Paintings The Devil’s Post fine holiday gifts. ~ Mid Century Works ~ On your laptop at: WWW.ELSTRANDFINEARTS.COM See form on page 5. (603) 817-3067 TheDevilsPost.org

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As a country, it would be wrong Dakota Winter And Other Correspondence to write off Standing Rock as just To the Editor: another wacko liberal cause when, Back when Lyndon Johnson press maintain its responsibility public informed, we risk becom- in reality, it is truly an illegitimate was in offi ce, the Civil Rights as the Fourth Estate to objec- ing a democracy in name only. It corporate land-grab. Here in New “Ear” of the 60’s had trouble with tively and honestly report on the is also imperative that the public Hampshire, I’m sure there are President Johnson’s accent. Th e actions of the Trump Administra- maintain its vigilance and speak many from both sides of the po- word was “Negro,” which, as I tion. Was this a move to intimi- out often and loudly against any litical spectrum who passionately remember, he pronounced “Nig- date the press to follow the Trump attempt to restrict our right to opposed and protested Kinder ra.” It did Mr. Johnson no good line? Th e role of a free and skepti- know what our government is Morgan’s attempt to bull their to explain that he was, within the cal press is critical to the survival doing to us and to others in our way through Litchfi eld and other limits of his time and culture, be- of a democracy. Unfortunately, name. I fear we do not have men Southern border towns with a gas ing respectful in his use of Negro this role has been severely com- and women of courage holding pipeline. Not to mention the out- as opposed to “colored” or other promised due to the corporate in- the reins of the fourth estate. At a rage posted by private land-own- phrases then in use, and still. Th e and the dogs, donations and sup- fl uence over the news bureaus of time like this, we need people like ers and recreational business Civil Rights Act of 1964 is his plies may be sent to: Sacred Stone large media conglomerates, with the great Edward R. Murrow, who owners over Northern Pass! Is legacy. Th e turmoil of that time is Camp/ PO Box 1011/ Fort Yates, an emphasis more on the bottom took down the demagogue Mc- Standing Rock somehow diff er- a poignant reminder of how the ND 58538. Include clear contact line than on hard hitting in-depth Carthy, more than ever before. ent because it is “Injun territory”? sounds and images of popular cul- information on the package. If factual investigative reporting. For the sake of our nation, I pray Does that fact legitimize stealing ture shape our expectations and you can’t hear the drums, listen With regard to an open and that another Murrow will emerge their sacred land? world view. instead for John Donne’s tolling transparent administration, I from the darkness that is about to And, what about pitting today’s Recently in Parade Magazine bell. What burial ground is not also fear that Mr. Trump, beside engulf us. National Guardsmen against the there was just the cutest little sacred for the lives remembered manipulating the media, will Rich DiPentima unarmed citizens of North Dako- fi gurine for sale. It was, of course there: where do the graves of your also snub the American people Portsmouth, N.H. ta. Is it any diff erent than turning genuine porcelain, and limited to family lie: will they rest undis- by holding few if any real news Rich: the U.S. Marine Corp loose on just 95 casting days. It was Chief turbed? conferences. Considering Mr. We share your deep concern about you or me for protesting Kinder Running Paws, just the cutest lit- Larry Brown Trump’s lack of comprehensive the utter failure of the news media Morgan? Th e Constitution may tle kitten you can imagine, with a Milton, N.H. knowledge and understanding during this election cycle. We seem to ban military “regulars” from do- full Indian headdress and genu- ≈≈≈ of most of the issues facing the enjoy — revel in, actually — hav- mestic action against citizens, ine faux buckskin leggings on its PEOTUS is AWOL! nation, and even the most basic ing a degree of editorial freedom that but today’s Guard units are battle little paws — a special tribute to To the Editor: aspects of how the government exempts us from the sort of egregious hardened by Middle East warfare our Native American Peoples, a It just came to my attention functions, a freewheeling news errors committed by our more profi t- and not distinguishable from ac- tribute the Standing Rock Sioux that the incoming Command- conference format does not fi t able colleagues. tive duty troops. know all too well — a plastic er-in-Chief of the Armed Ser- well with his knowledge defi cien- Th ough it’s more than a little ludi- Th ere are currently upward of caricature casually dismissive of vices of the United States has cies. I suspect that, if Mr. Trump crous, given our resources, we’re try- 10,000 protesters out there on a people who once buried their been shirking the responsibilities does hold any news conferences, ing to conjure up a way that our own the North Dakota prairie freez- dead on lands they owned. of his position by skipping his he will require the questions in model might be applied on a larger ing their tails off , and some have So — what does the Civil daily National Security Briefs. advance, like he did during the scale. Nothing to report yet, but it’s sustained severe injury for their Rights “Ear” do with the sounds Th e reason cited for his absence campaign. He might also restrict on our alleged editorial mind. cause. So let’s get busy, pick up of water cannon and police dogs is that he is already putting in questions to only compliant “re- Th e Editor a package or two of those nice in a Dakota Winter in 2016? arduous 12-hour days to fi ll his porters” who have agreed to his ≈≈≈ warm socks, and send Lester Holt How are they diff erent from the Cabinet. Of course, it probably standards given at the meeting Standing Rock vs. Th irty Rock an early Christmas present. Better sounds of Alabama in the Sum- hasn’t crossed his mind that the mentioned above. A third pos- To the Editor: yet, how about getting on Face- mer heat of 1963? It is true that information gleaned from the in- sibility would be for Mr. Trump As a concerned citizen, I’m book, Twitter, and email to call James Baldwin never talked about telligence community and State to delegate the responsibility of shipping care packages of long- out America’s Fourth Estate for our “Feather Negro” problem, but Department during those briefs holding news conferences to Mr. johns and fuzzy waterproof socks hanging around the woodstove his searing indictment of the cor- may not only fi ll the major gaps Pence, which would be consistent to the folks at CBS, NBC, and while ignoring the most signifi - rosive nature of prejudice, and its in his understanding of the com- with the delegation of most of his ABC News. I’m doing it because cant U.S. civil confrontation since advantages, has no less power to- plex and dangerous world he’ll duties to him and others. their award-winning producers those we experienced during the day. be operating in, but may also be Th ese possible actions by Mr. and video crews appear to be suf- Viet Nam war! On the other hand Otto von of assistance in choosing the cor- Trump and his Administration fering from cold feet over making Rick Littlefi eld Bismarck, that 19th century mas- rect people for his team. Sun Tzu, to limit and restrict a free and the journey to Standing Rock, Barrington, N.H. ter of realpolitik, never found it the ancient Chinese general and aggressive press should be a seri- North Dakota. Perhaps if we Rick: necessary to actually tell people philosopher once said in his Art of ous concern for all Americans. In dress them warmly enough, they’ll We thank you and Larry Brown that the “problem” of a treaty ex- War, “If ignorant both of your en- the absence of a free press being screw up the courage to go there for trying to ameliorate our own de- ists only for the losers. If you can emy and yourself, you are certain able to hold our elected offi cials and shoot some video so America fi ciencies on this important topic. hear the sound of the drums over to be in peril.” accountable, and keeping the can witness what’s going on. Th e Editor the sound of the water cannons Now, from the perspective of

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The Fechheimer Building, one of the fin- Last Name: est examples of a cast-iron facade in Port- land, Oregon, was built in 1885. Listed in A Constantly-Changing Selection the National Register of Historic Places, Street Address: of it was restored in 1981 by Russell Fellows New & Used Books Properties, the principals of which enjoy a in both subscription to this newspaper. Town, City, or Burg: Hard Cover & Paperback Your Coffee, Ice Cream, Children & Pets Are All Welcome State: Zip Code: + 4: Store Hours Mon - Sat: 9 a.m. - 7 p.m. Sun: 10 a.m. - 7 p.m. Gift Of: (Where Applicable) Page 6 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 9, 2016

Th e Northcountry Chronicle Healthcare by Kafka by William Marvel refl ection that Obamacare at least advised her to submit to the-pro- reportedly elicited no response from the procedure itself. Th e con- requires full coverage for preven- cedure-that-shall-not-be-named. from Memorial, but neither did sultation alone, which took about y wife is an extremely busy tive care. Th at will eat up an entire day “Ben” follow up. 15 minutes, has already cost my Mwoman. In order to earn Th at requirement would be a for her, but she can only aff ord On October 11, another wife another hour in phone calls, enough money at her chosen vo- lot more comforting if the insti- to waste a whole day during the $114.68 bill arrived from Memo- and the excuses for the runaround cation — let alone a “living wage” tutions that provide health care breaks at the end of her summer rial. A second call to Minuteman sound perfectly Kafkaesque. Th e — she usually has to juggle multi- recognized it, but the fatal fl aw semester, in August, or after the fetched another representative insurance company’s representa- ple jobs, and I have to assume most in Obamacare was its failure to fall semester, in January. She was who said that “Ben” was not avail- tive cannot make a return call to household duties so she can cope address the two basic underlying able to schedule the consultation able, and could not call back with- a customer without fi rst obtaining with her workload. To make mat- causes of the crisis in healthcare for the procedure in August, but out fi rst requesting permission permission to do so; the hospital’s ters worse, she also fi nds it diffi cult costs. Th e hospital and pharma- she had to put the procedure at from his own supervisor. Perhaps coding department doesn’t know to refuse new chores, or favors, and ceutical industries held suffi cient Memorial Hospital off until the that was why he made no second how to label a preventive proce- sometimes I have to intervene and political power to prevent the January break. She worried that attempt to call Memorial’s billing dure; the billing department has do the refusing for her. She can fi nd ACA from including any legisla- the lapse of time between the con- department. no authority to change a bill when little time even for her own basic tion to ease their stranglehold on sultation and the procedure might Th en, in November, came the coding department errs. healthcare appointments, or for the the American medical consum- confuse the issue of payment, but another bill for $114.68 from Such complexities suggest that subsequent insurance wrangles that er. Meanwhile, the illusion that the consulting doctor assured her Memorial, accompanied by the we still labor under a system in are still common. Obamacare solved the problem that the procedure was preventive, customary nasty letter threaten- which hospitals and insurance Her last annual physical began only assures that this fundamental and was supposed to be covered. ing to remand the matter to a col- companies seem to work together one of those legendary insur- engine for skyrocketing costs will Nevertheless, in September lection agency. Th is time, another to wear their victims down until ance ordeals that the “miracle” of never be addressed again. Th at is she received a bill from Memo- call to Minuteman did eventually they pay all or most of their med- Obamacare has not eliminated. what fuels the continued esca- rial Hospital for $114.68 for the produce a call from “Ben,” who ical bills themselves. Th e idea that Since the advent of the ill-named lation in medical costs and the consultation itself. She called her recounted his failure to reach or the hospital would even have a Aff ordable Care Act she has had gradual rise of insurance premi- insurance company, spending hear from Memorial. As he ex- coding department has the stench to devote a couple of days each ums, which are inevitably return- more time on the phone than the plained it, the billing department of deliberate obfuscation about year to fi nding her own health-in- ing to their formerly burdensome consultation took, and came away at Memorial cannot change the it, and it seems equally suspi- surance plan — a process that levels. Now that the government with more promises that the con- coding of a bill to identify it as cious that the coding department requires as much information essentially forces American citi- sultation and the procedure were the result of a covered, preventive cannot talk to its own billing de- and time as fi ling our tax return. zens to buy health insurance, the both supposed to be covered. service. Such a change has to go partment. However, that admin- Even with the subsidy our income incentives for competition are “Ben,” at Minuteman Insurance, to the hospital’s “coding depart- istrative maze does help explain warrants, her premiums are too fewer than they ever were before. said he would take care of it, and ment.” Once again he assured that why costs keep rising, despite the high to aff ord much more than But let us return to my wife’s allegedly called the billing depart- it would be taken care of, but we’ll ultimately ineff ective legislation catastrophic coverage, but she has annual physical. Because she had ment at Memorial, leaving a mes- see. our outgoing president regards as always consoled herself with the achieved a certain age, her PCP sage on their machine. Th at call We’re still seven weeks away his legacy.

More Mash Notes, Hate Mail, and Other Correspondence, from Page Five someone who had the honor and it is comprised. ly and absurdly claimed to know Wayne H. Merritt Carrier Corporation’s planned privilege of serving for 24 years I will not forget that Presi- more than his generals. Dover, N.H. move to Mexico. Obama, in typ- with so many fi ne men and wom- dent-Elect Trump (a chicken- Frankly speaking, I am no more Wayne: ical fashion, responded by criti- en in our President-Elect’s Armed hawk who managed to avoid inspired by the new Command- Tell it. cizing Donald Trump. He said: Services (USAF/ANG), I was service) ridiculed Senator John er-in Chief, nor fi nd him any Th e Editor “When somebody [Trump] says very uninspired by his insulting McCain for having been tak- more qualifi ed for the position ≈≈≈ that he’s going to bring all these and bombastic rhetoric regarding en prisoner during the Vietnam now than I found him during Who’s Clueless? jobs back, well how exactly [is he] all things military during his cam- Confl ict; condoned torture as a his campaign. He will, though, To the Editor: going to do that? What [is he] go- paign, which to me strongly called means to extract intelligence from assume that role on January 20, During the June 2016 Dem- ing to do? Th ere’s no answer to it.” into question this man’s qualifi - enemy combatants; berated vet- 2017, which is rapidly approach- ocrat [sic] town hall meeting Obama then exclaims: “[Trump] cations to preside over the most erans with PTSD, labeling them ing. He best start learning by get- in Elkhart, Indiana, President just says: “I’m going to negotiate powerful military force in history weaker than those without; called ting his ignorant AWOL backside Barack Obama received a ques- a better deal.”.. “[How’s he] gon- and control the precious lives of for the indiscriminate bombing off his “Th ank You Tour” and into tion from a steel worker about na do that? What magic wand do our sons and daughters of which of the Middle East and arrogant- the briefi ng room. pending job losses as a result of you [Mr. Trump] have?” North River Woodworks The New Hampshire Gazette Portsmouth, NH — (603) 682-4443 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ Local Craftsmanship Published Fortnightly on Alternate Fridays Founder: Daniel Fowle (1715 – 1787) Enslaved Pressman: Primus X (ca. 1700 – 1793) PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 www.nhgazette.com • [email protected] (603) 433-9898 Organic Lawn and Garden Care Subscriptions: $25 per year for 26 issues Nottingham, NH Mailed First Class (603) 501-9919 See Page Five for Subscription Form HeidelbergFarms.com Editor: Steven Fowle • Starving Artiste: Michael Dater Business (Such As It Is) Manager: Rose Eppard Columnist: William Marvel • 100 Proof Department: Rose Eppard, Marcia Jebb, and Allen McGee; Jane Porter, Emerita • Freelance Instigator & Unindicted Co-conspirators: Win Rhoades & Jack Cleary • Distributor: New England Distribution Network • Downtown Distribution Volunteers: Megan “Moonbeam” Stelzer, Murph, Jon Wyckoff, David Drymon, & Bob Halperin • Subscription Fulfillment: Sally Strazdins, Gail Drobnyk, Pat Day, Rose Eppard, Sharon Churchill & Jan Marx The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 9, 2016 — Page 7

How the conquering Trump makes fakery real by Jim Hightower in November’s election that oth- with an amazing revelation: “I offi cials, GOP poll watchers, and actly none of those three million ers haven’t seen. Trump has been won the popular vote,” decreed the media. How did Trump fi nd “illegal” votes have been verifi ed. ll hail Augustus Trumpus! greatly perturbed by the offi cial our incoming Tweeter-in-chief! this truly-incredible “fact”? Stunned that Trump would cite AAll hail the American Pu- results, which showed that while Wow, how did he turn a It seems he channeled it from his tweet as proof, he asked sheep- tin, whom none can criticize! All he won the electoral college ma- two-million vote loss into a glo- the mysterious Tweetasphere, ishly: “Isn’t everything on Twitter hail the All Knowing One, who jority, he was not the people’s rious victory? “I won,” he tweeted, specifi cally from a Texas conspir- fake?” reveals “realities” that aren’t there choice. Instead, Hillary Clinton “if you deduct the millions of peo- acy hound who had earlier post- Get used to it — fakery is re- and fi nds “facts” that mere mortals won the popular balloting by a ple who voted illegally.” ed a tweet declaring: “We have ality for America’s next president, cannot detect. margin of more than two million Wow again! Millions? You’d verifi ed more than three million Augustus Trumpus. Once again, Th e Amazing votes. Growing increasingly fu- think such a massive conspira- votes cast by non-citizens.” But Copyright 2016 by Jim Hightow- Donald has demonstrated his rious at this aff ront to his super- cy, with millions of illegal voters this guy turns out to be part of a er & Associates. Contact Laura Eh- phantasmagoric power of percep- natural sense of self, the master of in line at thousands of precincts, right-wing fringe group chasing rlich ([email protected]) for tion, having found a new outcome factual fl exibility went on Twitter would’ve been noticed by election non-existent voter frauds — ex- more information.

What better way to reveal the commitments that Carrier would for our country and yes, the dis- alligators to it”. against lifetime coverage caps and incredible mistake America made retain 1000 jobs in Indiana. One course between him and his oppo- Now that the election is over higher premiums for women, hel- twice no less by electing an inex- thousand jobs! No magic wand, nents was less than professional. and the dust is settling Trump’s lo vouchers that don’t keep pace perienced, wet behind the ears, just hard ball negotiations based I suggest that we give him every dirty deeds and falsehoods are with medical cost increases. How clueless academic as president. on mutual respect and experience. opportunity to succeed. Let’s wait rising to the surface and there is will these actions help the work- Th is is a teaching moment: the Hold on America, we are on the and see how it plays out because nothing muddy about who will ing class? Presidency is no place for on the verge of being great again! actions speak louder than words. win and who will lose under a Th en we have Sessions for At- job training! Dave Rivers Who knows, he may actually sur- Trump administration. Th e nega- torney General: anti-union, pro Any businessman with even Th ornton N.H. prise the nation. tive consequences of a few of his free trade and actively anti-gay limited experience knows it Dave: Eric Marks department secretary appoint- and civil rights. doesn’t take a magic wand to ne- We sincerely hope that before you Amador City, Calif. ments will fall on the people he Let’s not forget Pence’s attempt gotiate, it takes hard work, expe- sign any contracts you fi nd a friend Eric: campaigned to protect. Th e con- to allow discrimination against rience and honest talk. Playing or hire a lawyer to read the fi ne print Th at’s exactly what we fear. nection between what Trump Gays in Indiana. He wants to de- hard ball if necessary. Hillary nev- for you. Th ose 1,000 jobs are more Th e Ed. promised and what he is gearing fund Planned Parenthood. He is er discussed nor revealed her plan like 800, and they’re costing Indiana ≈≈≈ up to do is very murky at best. also strongly anti-abortion and for keeping jobs here. My guess? taxpayers $8,700 each. Time for the Grown-ups to Act Let’s look at how his rogue’s when in the U.S. House spon- She never had a plan. In Elkhart Meanwhile, your hero Th e Donald To the Editor: gallery of appointments will not sored a bill to use the funds for Indiana Obama exhibited his ig- just made every state government Th e spoiled brats have the run help to “bring us together” or Aids drug research for a program norance in business by essentially hostage to the next CEO who feels of the house. Th ey’ve invited “have the back of the working to convert Gays back to Straight! claiming that to keep these jobs like shaking down the state where their over-privileged friends to class”. How can these attitudes bring us here he would require a magic his satanic mill is located. Speaking join the party and take what they DeVos, at Education made her together? wand. Trump? He nailed it: “I will of CEOs, the Presidency is not one; want while they can. Unsuper- billions with Amway, the quasi Senator Brown is right Trump negotiate a better deal!” At what furthermore, governments are not vised, they are about to wreck our Ponzi scheme, targeting the work- is not draining the swamp. He is cost? A tax break. No welfare, no businesses and should not be run as Home of Democracy. It’s time for ing class. wrong about the alligators, it is gifts, a tax break that allows Carri- such — not so long as citizens can’t grown-ups in the Electoral Col- Mnuchin, at Treasury made poisonous snakes that are being er to keep more of its hard earned be fi red, anyway. lege to act, as they were mandat- millions by buying a distressed added. money. Money that will be bet- Th anks for the insight, though, ed when it was written into our bank during the “great recession” Dave Potter ter spent in Carrier’s hands than into the alleged thought processes of a Constitution, and prevent this ca- and unfairly, if not illegally, fore- North Hampton, N.H. had it remained in government’s red-blooded Trump supporter. tastrophe. Th ey must elect some- closing on thousands of work- ≈≈≈ hands. Carrier will likely use their Th e Editor one else to be President. ing class homes. Can billionaires About Th at Swamp money to create more wealth...for ≈≈≈ Bruce Joff e understand the struggles of the To the Editor: America. In this election America He May Surprise Us Piedmont, CA working class? I think we need to remember got it right this time. To the Editor: ≈≈≈ Price, at Health and Human that if you drain a swamp, you end In November of 2016, weeks After reading the November Alligators in the Swamp? Services opposes all elements of up with snakes, walking catfi sh, before Trump’s offi cial swearing 11th issue of the Gazette, I felt To the Editor: Obamacare and wants to privat- alligators, and muck. in as our next President, he and compelled to write. Senator Sherrod Brown re- ize Medicare and provide seniors Ken Fowle his VP Mike Pence met with I understand President Elect cently said “not only is Trump not with vouchers to buy medical Hillsborough, N.H. Carrier Corporation and obtained Trump is not the popular choice draining the swamp he is adding insurance. Goodbye protection ≈≈≈

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Alternative Clothing & Goods 33 Vaughan Mall • Portsmouth, NH 03801 • (603) 431-2243 Page 8 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, December 9, 2016 Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide (Not for Navigational Purposes)

Portsmouth, arguably the fi rst whom you choose to believe. drags about seventeen billion moves from the mouth of the Twice a day, too, the moon lets all Badger’s Island, bobbing around in and bridges work their hardest. town in this country not founded Th e Piscataqua’s ferocious current gallons of seawater — enough to river, up past New Castle, around that water go. All the seawater that the current. It weighs several tons, Ships coming in laden with coal, by religious extremists, is bounded is caused by the tide, which, in fi ll 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the bend by the old Naval Prison, just fought its way upstream goes and it bobs and bounces in the oil, and salt do so at high tide, for on the north and east by the turn, is caused by the moon. Th e the river and into Great Bay. Th is under Memorial Bridge, past the back home to the ocean. Th is is current like a cork. more clearance under their keels. Piscataqua River, the second, third, other player is a vast sunken valley creates a roving hydraulic confl ict, tugboats, and on into Great Bay. when the Piscataqua earns its title Th e river also has its placid mo- Th ey leave empty, riding high in or fourth fastest-fl owing navigable — Great Bay — about ten miles as incoming sea and the outgoing Th is can best be seen when the tide for xth fastest current. Look for the ments, around high and low tides. the water, at low tide, to squeeze river in the country, depending on upriver. Twice a day, the moon river collide. Th e skirmish line is rising. red buoy, at the upstream end of When the river rests, its tugboats under Memorial Bridge. Sunday, December 11 Monday, December 12 Tuesday, December 13 Wednesday, December 14 Thursday, December 15 Friday, December 16 Saturday, December 17

2013— calls House 2005— “I think we are welcomed [in 2003—U.S. troops drag Saddam 2012—N.H.-born Adam Lanza 2003—A Robinson R22 helicopter 2013—’s law partner an- 2010—Street vendor Mohamed Speaker Boehner “one of the prime Iraq],” says George W.[MD] Bush, Hussein out of a hole in the ground, shoots his gun-enthusiast mother, six loses power over Redlands, Calif., and nounces that the former Senator has Bouazizi sets himself afi re, thereby examples of worthless, worthless “but it was not a peaceful welcome.” so fi nal victory in Iraq must be immi- other adults, and 20 kids at a New- crashes onto a city street. Miraculous- packed his carpetbag and is moving to igniting the Tunisian Revolution and Republicans,” and Senate Minority 2000—Th e Supreme Court selects nent. U.S. death toll so far: 547. town, Conn. school. ly, only the pilot dies. New Hampshire. the subsequent Arab Spring. Leader McConnell “the biggest two- George W.[MD] Bush as the 43rd 2000—Al Gore decides he’d rather be 2008—“Th is is a farewell kiss from 2000—Sen. Phil Gramm gives En- 2005—Th e New York Times reports 2006—, on “Fox News faced liar I’ve ever seen.” President of these disunited states. righteous than be president. the Iraqi people, you dog,” yells ron the energy futures deregulation that the NSA has been tapping U.S. Sunday,” says “Barack Obama is not 2006—On national TV, President 1998—For good measure, Congress 1988—In Texas, Ray Landry’s death Muntadhar al-Zaidi, as he fl ings his it wants, hidden in an appropriations telephones without a warrant. going to beat Hillary Clinton in a sin- George W.[MD] Bush denies that he whups a fourth article of impeach- is delayed 14 minutes when a tube falls shoe at George W.[MD] Bush. bill. One year later Enron is bankrupt. 2001—U.S. troops at Tora Bora ask gle Democratic primary. I’ll predict was ever “a knee-walking drunk.” ment on Pres. Clinton. from his arm and lethal chemicals 2005—George W.[MD] Bush 1997—Paula Jones’ lawyers maneuver for help catching Osama bin Laden. that right now.” 2000—Th e Supreme Court hears 1985—Arrow Air Flight 1285 crash- spray across the room. blames his on “faulty intel- Bill Clinton into signing a legal docu- Donald Rumsfeld denies their re- 1998—Pres. Clinton attempts to dis- Bush v. Gore. es at Gander, killing 248 U.S. para- 1978—Th e Susan B. Anthony dollar ligence.” ment claiming he’d not had sex with quest; Osama walks. tract from his impeachment by using 1998—President Clinton begs for- troopers and eight crew. Islamic Jihad is released to an anxiously awaiting 1987—Chrysler admits it sold thou- government workers. 1988—Bush #41 nominates noto- up half the Pentagon’s inventory of giveness for his sins, but gets three claims credit, which a sketchy U.S. public. sands of used cars as new ones. 1989—Sicilian-born sculptor Arturo riously boozy womanizer Sen. John cruise missiles in Iraq. Articles of Impeachment instead. investigation attempts to deny. 1974—Defecting oceanographer Sla- 1986—Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager Di Modica installs a 16-foot long, 3.5 Tower [R-Texas] to run the Depart- 1996—Peruvian guerrillas crash 1981—Soldiers of the U.S.-backed 1984—Georgia prison offi cials elec- va Kurilov leaps from a Soviet cruise begin a nine-day, non-stop, around- ton bronze bull in the middle of Broad ment of Defense. His confi rmation a party at the Japanese embassy in Salvadoran government murder 900 trocute Alpha Otis Stephens a second ship, swims for three days, and reaches the-world fl ight. Street in New York, in front of the hearings do not go well. Lima, take hostages, and stay for four villagers at El Mozote. time, after their fi rst eff ort fails. the Philippines safely. 1973—Richard Nixon personal- Stock Exchange — without a permit. 1988—Rochester, N.H.’s most fa- months. 1960—Seeing at the last minute that 1983—Nancy Reagan sits on Mr. T’s 1951—Harry S Truman lets J. Edgar ly thanks the U.S head of Rev. Sun 1986—Bill Casey, CIA director, suf- mous native, perennial Presidential 1967—Australian Prime Minister JFK has his wife and kids with him, lap and kisses him on the scalp. “Mary” Hoover frighten him into Myung Moons’s Unifi cation Church fers a handy seizure, preventing him candidate Lyndon LaRouche, is con- Harold Holt goes for a swim in heavy Belmont, N.H. resident Richard 1983—At a Boston trade show, “New agreeing to purge “disloyal” govern- for his support. from testifying about /Contra. victed of tax and mail fraud. surf and disappears. Pavlick defers his plan to crash into Trends in Missiles,” anarchists turn ment workers. 1972—Th e last men leave the moon. 1983—Ed Meese denies Ebenezer 1965—Gen. Westmoreland, already 1960—An Air Force C-131 crashes the President-elect’s car with his dy- loose 1,000 cockroaches, symbolizing 1949—An American League propos- 1970—Shipyard workers strike Scrooge exploited Bob Cratchit. commanding 200,000 men in Viet- into a steeple in Munich, then falls namite-laden Buick. the winners of a nuclear war. al to legalize the spitball fails. against the Commie government in 1969—Th e Mormon Church reaf- nam, asks for another 243,000. onto a trolley car killing all 20 on the 1951—Days after slipshod coal dust 1950—Senator Joseph McCarthy 1937—Th e Nanjing Massacre begins. Gdansk, Poland. fi rms its “no black priests” policy. 1960—Two airliners collide over plane, 18 in the trolley, and 11 more on removal techniquess are approved by (R-Bushmills) kicks columnist Drew 1932—In the visitors gallery of the 1942—Th e second of two giant Soviet 1967—A 2.5 mm-deep defect collaps- Manhattan killing a total of 134. the street. state inspectors, the New Orient mine Pearson in the groin. U.S. House, deranged sporting goods propaganda planes crashes, again due es the 39 year-old Silver Bridge over 1944—Hitler overrules his generals 1944—Adm. “Bull” Halsey sails in West Frankfort, Ill., blows up, kill- 1937—Japanese biplanes attack and store clerk Martin Kemmerer bran- to misadventure. the Ohio River, killing 46. and mounts a massive attack in the the 3rd Fleet into a typhoon. Th ree ing 119 miners. sink the U.S.S. Panay, a 191-foot gun- dishes a .38 revolver and demands 1911—Roald Amundson beats Rob- 1966—Walt Disney dies in Los An- Ardennes Forest. He shoulda listened. destroyers sink; nine other ships are 1917—Found guilty at a court-mar- boat, on the Yangtze River; 3 sailors twenty minutes to speak. Rep. Melvin ert Scott to the South Pole. geles. Contrary to rumor, his remains 1835—A two-day fi re destroys 674 damaged, 100 aircraft are lost, and tial after a race riot in Houston, 13 die, 43 are wounded. Maas (R-Minn.) talks him into drop- 1907—Th e seven-masted schooner are burned, not frozen. buildings in New York, bankrupting 790 sailors die, mostly by drowning. black are hanged simultaneously. 1927—Th reatened with impeach- ping the gun. Th omas W. Lawson runs aground off 1960—Palm Beach police arrest insurance companies and kicking off 1927—Hit off Provincetown by the 1838—Th e House of Representa- ment by legislators, Oklahoma Gov- 1864—Paraguay declares war on Cornwall, resulting in the world’s fi rst N.H. resident Richard Pavlick before the Depression of 1837. Coast Guard destroyer Paulding, tives passes Rep. Charles Atherton’s ernor Henry Johnston calls out state Brazil; by war’s end half its population major oil spill. he can kill John F. with his 1811—New Madrid, Missouri, is the U.S. sub S-4 sinks. Six of the 40 (D-N.H.) “gag rule” prohibiting dis- troopers to stop them. is dead. 1906—Th e U1, Germany’s fi rst sub- dynamite-laden Buick. hit by the fi rst of a series of powerful aboard survive the initial sinking but cussion of slavery. 1776—Fearing the British will 1774—Paul Revere rides to Ports- marine, goes into service. 1922—Th e President of Harvard earthquakes. can’t be rescued in time. 1792—Th e French Convention tries take Philadelphia, the Continental mouth with news that the export of 1774—Local militiamen seize pow- defends its policy of banning black 1773—“Sons of Liberty” disguised as 1862—Gen. Grant issues an General King Louis XVI, aka “Louis le Derni- Congress gives dictatorial powers to powder and arms to America have der and arms from Fort William and students from dining rooms and res- Mohawks dump 342 chests of tea into Order No. 11, barring “Jews and other er,” for treason. Washington and fl ees. been prohibited. Mary, near Portsmouth. idence halls. Boston Harbor. unprincipled traders” from his district. 8:11 8:46 9:05 9:42 9:58 10:36 10:49 11:29 11:41 12:20 12:32 1:12 1:24

1:48 2:30 2:44 3:26 3:37 4:19 4:30 5:12 5:22 6:03 6:14 6:54 7:06 7:45

Sunday, December 18 Monday, December 19 Tuesday, December 20 Wednesday, December 21 Thursday, December 22 Friday, December 23 Saturday, December 24

2005—“Not only can we win the 2007—A fi re breaks out near “Dick” 2002—Th e ten largest U.S. brokerage 2008—Todd Carmichael reaches the 2001—Richard Reid’s shoe-bomb 2004—NASA reports that the aster- 1992—George Herbert [Hoover] war in Iraq—we are winning the Cheney’s offi ce. Probable cause: spon- houses cough up $1.44 billion in fi nes South Pole after traveling 692 miles fails to down American Airlines oid Apophis has one chance in 233 of Walker Bush pardons “Cap” Wein- war in Iraq,” says George W.[MD] taneous inhuman combustion. rather than risk a trial over charges on skis and on foot, solo. Flight 63. Regardless, all footwear hitting Earth in 2029. berger, Bob McFarlane, and 4 other Bush, 962 days after “Mission accom- 1998—As Bill Clinton is being that they fl eeced their customers. 2006—Saparmurat Niyazov’s term must be X-rayed pre-fl ight. 1997—Woody Allen, 61, marries his Iran-Contra creeps, coincidentally plished.” impeached for some hanky-panky, 2002—Sen. Majority Leader Trent as Turkmenistan’s President for Life 1984—Asked for money on a New ex-wife’s adopted daughter, Soon-Yi sparing his own sorry self. 2004—“America’s Most Wanted’s” Speaker-elect Bob Livingston resigns Lott (R-Miss.) steps down after ends. He leaves a legacy of many gold- York subway, Bernhard Goetz re- Previn, 27. 1979—Th e Soviet Army enters Af- John Walsh says he most wants Jahbir to cover up a bit of his own. lamenting Strom Th urmond’s failure en statues of himself. sponds with lead instead. Th en he fl ees 1994—Crooked FBI agent John ghanistan to prop up the Marxist gov- and Alfonso Fowle caught. 1984—Due to a work speedup, 27 to win the Presidency on a racist plat- 2004—In Fort Valley, Ga., Larry to New Hampshire. Connolly warns Whitey Bulger that ernment. Oops. 2000—“If this were a dictatorship,” coal miners are killed in Utah. form in 1948. Taylor refuses to give his cell phone to 1981—Ronald Reagan authorizes the arrests are pending for him and his 1972—B-52 tailgunner Albert E. says George W.[MD] Bush on CNN, 1974—Norris Cotton fi nagles a bill 1989—Th e U.S. invades Panama to a would-be thief, who then shoots him distribution of 30 million lbs. of moldy Winter Hill Gang. Whitey takes a Moore becomes the last man to down “it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so giving New Hampshire’s senior Sena- arrest ex-CIA asset Manuel Noriega. in the head. Taylor walks two miles to cheese to the poor. powder. a MiG 21 with machine guns. long as I’m the dictator.” tor the right in perpetuity to comman- 1983—Once and future Defense his mother’s home, only to fi nd she has 1974—Congress passes an act to re- 1986—Th e airplane Voyager lands in 1971—Her airliner having fallen 1996—G-Man Earl Pitts is arrested deer Daniel Webster’s old desk. Secretary Don Rumsfeld visits Bagh- moved to a nursing home. Despite this locate Big Mountain Indians — away California, having circumnavigated apart after being hit by lightning two for moonlighting for the KGB. 1973—Johnny Carson makes a joke dad to shake mass murderer Saddam setback, he survives. from coal deposits. the world nonstop. miles above the Amazon, Juliane 1972—Richard Nixon begins Op- about a non-existent toilet paper Hussein’s hand and convey Ronald 2001—“All in all,” says George 1965—Henry House is the fi rst U.S. 1982—Th e EPA empties Times Koepcke, 17, falls into the jungle and eration Linebacker: 12 days of B-52 shortage, inadvertantly causing one. Reagan’s best wishes. W.[MD] Bush three months after soldier court martialed for protesting Beach, Mo., due to dioxin contami- survives with minor injuries. strikes against North Vietnam. SAMs 1946—Th e Viet Minh take on the 1979—Th e Washington Post publishes 9/11, “it’s been a fabulous year for the Vietnam War. nation. 1970—Nine G.I.’s are KIA and 9 shoot down three Stratofortresses on French in Indo-China. a correction: National Security Advi- Laura and me.” 1944—To a German demand for sur- 1981—Th e Foye Building, adjacent to WIA by “friendly fi re” in Vietnam. the fi rst night. 1944—Primarily due to bad general- sor Zbigniew Brzezinski did not unzip 1996—After two years of denial, render, surrounded General Anthony the Portsmouth Athenæum, partially 1968—Th e crew of Apollo 8 photo- 1957—Th e fi rst watts of nuclear-gen- ship, two-thirds of the 106th Infantry, his fl y during an interview with a fe- Rep. (R-Ga.) admits McAuliff e replies, “Nuts.” collapses. graphs Earth rising behind moon. erated electricity begin lighting up comprising 8,000 men, must surren- male Post reporter. to ethics violations. 1937—Hotel clerk and author Na- 1972—Survivors of an Andean plane 1964—VC blow up the Brink Offi cers used car lots and neon signs. der during the Battle of the Bulge. 1978—Richard Nixon’s former Chief 1989—Vice President J. Danforth thanael West and his wife Eileen crash are rescued; their diet improves Quarters in downtown Saigon, killing 1946—Capt. Eddie Rickenbacker 1941—Ex-corporal Hitler takes di- of Staff H.R. “Bob” Haldeman is re- Quayle sends 30,000 Xmas cards in McKenney die in a car wreck during markedly. two and injuring 107. fl ies over Broadway scattering Damon rect command of the German Army. leased from prison after 18 months. which “beacon” is spelled “beakon.” their honeymoon. 1955—James Kutcher, who lost both 1913—Th ugs hired by copper bosses Runyon’s ashes. 1910—Spurred on by the Baltimore 1960—CIA chief Allen Dulles meets 1988—PanAm Flight 103 explodes 1891—Edward L. Bernays, the father legs in WW II, loses his disability yell “Fire” during a Christmas party in 1941—Outnumbered 10 to one, U.S. Sun, that city mandates the racial seg- with bigwigs from Standard Oil, Tex- over Lockerbie; 270 perish. of PR, is born in Austria. payments because he’s in the Socialist Calumet, Mich.’s Italian Hall. In the forces lose Guam to the Japanese. regation of residential areas. aco, ITT, Domino Sugar, and other 1970—At the White House, Elvis 1882—Th omas Edison makes the Workers Party. ensuing panic, 73 people die, includ- 1917—Congress submits the 18th 1907—A coal mine explosion kills big U.S. corporations, who instruct gives Tricky Dick a chrome-plated fi rst string of electric Xmas lights. 1953—In Korea, 21 American POWs ing 59 children. Amendment to the states for their 239 in Jacobs Creek, Pa. him to overthrow Fidel Castro. Colt .45; Dick gives Elvis a Narcotics 1849—Nearly naked and tied to a refuse to go home. 1907—In Philadelphia, I.F. Stone, approval. After it passes, Prohibition 1865—South Carolina passes a law 1786—Hannah Ocuish, a cognitive- Bureau badge. pole, Fyodor Dostoevsky fi nds his 1948—Japan’s General Hideki Tojo is journalist, is born. begins. requiring all black “servants” to sign ly-impaired 12-year-old Pequot Indi- 1968—Th e Apollo 8 astronauts be- death sentence commuted to four hanged as a war criminal. 1883—Maj. Henry Rathbone, in- 1867—Diff ering track widths cause contracts with their “masters” and be an girl, thanks the executioner for his come the fi rst humans to leave Earth’s years in Siberia moments before the 1927—Two policemen are mortally creasingly deranged since his stabbing a train to derail in Angola, N.Y. One “polite” while working dawn-to-dusk. kindness before she’s hanged. gravitational fi eld. executioners’ guns were to fi re. wounded when a bank in Cisco, Tex- by John Wilkes Booth during the Lin- wooden car drops 40 feet and catches 1777—Washington’s army arrives at 1669—In the fi rst jury trial in Del- 1962—Th e U.S. exchanges $53 mil- 1813—Eighteen acres in downtown as, is held up by a gang whose leader coln assassination, murders his wife. fi re; 49 passengers burn to death. Valley Forge, Pa. aware, Marcus “Th e Long Finn” lion in medical supplies for 1,113 Bay Portsmouth, N.H. burn, from Dan- wears a Santa Claus suit. A standing 1865—In Pulaski, Tenn., the Ku 1865—Th e 13th Amendment goes 1776—Th omas Paine’s American Cri- Jacobson is sentenced to be fl ogged, of Pigs prisoners. iel Street to Court Street, and Fleet $5,000 reward for shooting bank rob- Klux Klan is founded. into eff ect: slavery and involuntary sis is published; “Th ese are the times branded on the face, and enslaved for 1956—Montgomery, Ala. buses de- Street to the river; 272 buildings are bers inspires a gun battle: four more 1806—St. John’s Church and 13 other servitude are abolished in the U.S. that try men’s souls ….” insurrection. segregate—the boycott worked. destroyed. die and eight are wounded. Portsmouth, N.H. buildings burn. 2:05 2:17 2:59 3:13 3:56 4:13 4:54 5:15 5:53 6:18 6:50 7:19 7:43 8:15

8:00 8:37 8:56 9:30 9:56 10:26 10:58 11:23 12:01 12:20 1:03 1:15 1:59

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