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Avatar Skin(S): an Autoethnographic AVATAR SKIN(S): AN AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC JOURNEY TO MY PLACE OF EDUCATION By JANET HANDWERK Bachelor of Science in Education Northern Illinois University DeKalb, Illinois 1976 Master of Science in Adult Education State University of New York College at Buffalo Buffalo, New York 2008 Submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate College of the Oklahoma State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY July 2016 AVATAR SKIN(S): AN AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC JOURNEY TO MY PLACE OF EDUCATION Dissertation Approved: Dr. Lucy E. Bailey Dissertation Adviser Dr. Patricia Lamphere-Jordan Dr. Pasha Antonenko Dr. Tonya R. Hammer ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Although the title of this autoethnographic dissertation is an in-depth work about a singular “I” with me as the author, others participated in the making my story, each displayed unique strengths for which I am grateful. I wish to acknowledge those individuals for their participation. I especially wish to thank Dr.Virginia Worley for her energy. She offered hope by helping me rebuild a shattered dream. Dr. Tonya Hammer for graciously coming on board later in this process. Dr. Pavlo (Pasha) Antonenko, for brainstorming my virtual world ideas early on and helping me to see the avatar as a common thread in my online experiences. Dr. Pat Jordan, a like-minded teaching spirit who agreed to take on an unfamiliar topic all the while holding me up long after I wanted to quit. Dr. Lu Bailey, Committee chair and dissertation adviser, for guiding me along this arduous journey with understanding and even temperament. Dr. Bailey’s insights and foresights helped me craft this project when obstacles seemed insurmountable. Her enthusiasm sustained me and her “just checking in” notes kept me on schedule. Liz Diener my partner in life who spent many dinners and car rides listening to ideas, reading drafts and quietly watching my creativity play out in often tumultuous ways, arms flailing, floor pacing, and book tossing. Liz watched my anguish reliving my stories and was always ready with a smile, a gentle word, a soft touch, and an edit. iii Acknowledgements reflect the views of the author and are not endorsed by committee members or Oklahoma State University. DEDICATION I dedicate this work to three sources of support and inspiration: My parents, who were never able to realize their Depression-era dreams of education, but held that vision for my sister and me. My maternal grandparents, who immigrated to the United States and were passionate about American opportunity, citizenship, and education. And to friends and teachers, who for whatever reason, simply tried to help a troubled life. I am a better teacher for their efforts. iv Acknowledgements reflect the views of the author and are not endorsed by committee members or Oklahoma State University. Name: JANET HANDWERK Date of Degree: JULY, 2016 Title of Study: AVATAR SKIN(S): AN AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC JOURNEY TO MY PLACE OF EDUCATION Major Field: PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION STUDIES Abstract: This autoethnography presents the avatar as a liberating learning platform for those who live on the edges of hegemonic and heteronormative society. I call this platform “avatar as place of education.” I illustrate how my avatar was a place for processing self-learning (learning about myself) by recounting and exploring my queer identity development through my experiences as student, educator, and gamer traveling between virtual and physical worlds. I write to inquire and to seek to achieve an understanding of my avatar place and my emotional response to marginalization as a lesbian. To craft this autoethnography, I draw data from physical world memories, journals, photographs, and from in-world experiences in Second Life (SL). I situate this project in educational technology and draw from women’s and gender studies, and from studies about place, virtual gaming characters, “avatars,” and avatar customization to inform my analysis. I conceptualize avatar as place of education because they: first, exercise agency for their physical world counterparts and vice/versa; second, may become deliberate through changing avatars, third, have educative meaning and value for all individuals but may serve as an especially crucial aspect of education for marginalized youth; fourth, relate reciprocally and teach the user through feedback and transfer. Lastly, users’ intentional creations of avatar places have potential value as an avenue to experience virtual world choices about social norms, identity, and community. Avatar places offer self-education, self-creation and self-knowledge possibilities for many people exploring aspects of their identity, especially for those marginalized in society. This study contributes to research regarding player needs, avatar customizations, and game design, and reinforces research that details the heteronormative affordances of North American game design which exclude culturally and sexually marginalized students from personal identity options in avatar interfaces (Consalvo, 2012; Ducheneaut, Wen & Yee, 2009; Nakamura, 2002, 2013; Pulos, 2013; Schmieder, 2009; Taylor, 2003). Virtual world participation helps negotiate heteronormative practices. My work also extends discourse about queer-friendly opportunities and practices in schools. This work is productive in arguing for commercial virtual worlds in formal education to meet the needs of 21st century technology skills. v TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter Page I. EDUCATIVE VALUE OF AVATAR .........................................................................1 Purpose ........................................................................................................................7 Qualitative Research .....................................................................................................9 Why Autoethnography? ..............................................................................................12 Why Second Life?.......................................................................................................16 Why Avatars ...............................................................................................................19 Bringing My Research into Focus..............................................................................20 Exploring Relevant Scholarship..................................................................................20 Schemata .....................................................................................................................21 Means .........................................................................................................................23 Story of Avatar Development .....................................................................................27 Tutorial: SL and Avatar Design ..................................................................................32 Relocating My Avatar Researcher: Ethnographer to Autoethnographer ....................38 Places of Education: Backyards, Bulletin Boards, and Beyond .................................41 Growing Up Different: Odd Girl In and Out .............................................................51 Mediated Identity: My Body, My Self (Hatred and Joy) ...........................................55 Hiding Places: Home, School & Church ....................................................................60 Home ..........................................................................................................................60 School .........................................................................................................................61 Church.........................................................................................................................69 The Importance of Growing Up in Community..........................................................78 Online Gaming: Situating myself In and Out ............................................................88 Exploring a Corner of the Metaverse: Designed Shared Spaces ............................. .94 II. PLACE IN CONTEXT: AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC REFLECTIONS ON AVATARS............................................................................................................... 100 III. STORYING THE LITERATURE OF AVATAR INTERSECTION ..................... 108 The Meaning of Place.............................................................................................. 108 vi Moving About in Places .............................................................................................112 IV. AVATAR AS PLACE OF EDUCATION: A PLATFORM FOR LEARNING.......117 Affordances and Constraints .......................................................................................117 Avatar Intersections.....................................................................................................119 Teaching, Culture and Successful Teaching Outcomes .............................................121 Virtual Worlds and the Place of Avatar......................................................................128 Credibility in Context. ................................................................................................130 V. FINAL REFLECTIONS: MEANING AND DISCOVERIES ...................................135 My Turn ......................................................................................................................136 Self-Representation .....................................................................................................138
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