Celebrating Holidays After Suicide Middle of Thanksgiving and Christmas
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LOVING OUTREACH TO SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE JANUARY 2017 VOL. 38, NO. 1 Celebrating Holidays This Issue After Suicide ARTICLES By Jennifer Lane that Magnolia Bakery uses. Those cupcakes were good. The lyric “I told you that I’m COVER STORY My brother’s birthday is smack in the crazy for those cupcakes cousin” honestly Celebrating Holidays After Suicide middle of Thanksgiving and Christmas. made sense. This makes the holidays extra tricky. I We lost my brother to suicide in the FROM THE DESK lost my little brother to suicide in 2010, summer of 2010. When his birthday came Fr. Rubey 3 and I’ve found holidays, birthdays, and in December of that year, I decided to make GRIEF AND FAMILY DEVELOPMENT anniversaries one of the hardest times of those cupcakes. It has become a tradition. When Teens Grieve a year to navigate emotionally. These “big I’ve honored his me mory by making those Sibling’s Suicide 5 days” can be draining, and they can bring back those feelings of anger or guilt that This New Life: Moving 6 you thought you had dealt with. There are two things that have been Holidays are tough... MONTHLY helpful for me. One is to honor my lost, Quilt Display Schedule 2 loved one in a personal way, and number not giving in to dread Monthly Meetings 8 two is to let go of the “big day” dread. There are lots of ideas online for ways and honoring your loved Announcements 9 you can honor your loved one on a “big one with an active and Memorial Donations 10 day.” Letting go of balloons is a popular Mention My Name 11 choice. You can also give a donation to a personal tradition, you charity in your loved one’s honor. My suggestion is to pick something that can get through it and reminds you of a good memory you had find some needed peace. with your loved one. I also suggest that you pick something that is active, that gives you something to do. My yearly action that honors my brother cupcakes every year since. Sometimes is making cupcakes. One of my favorite it has lined up where I can make extra memories with my brother was watching cupcakes and take them to church to give comedy with him. We loved to retell jokes away to kids in my Sunday school class from funny movies and skit shows like or my Bible club class. I’ve loved it when Saturday Night Live. We both loved the that works out. I feel like I’ve honored digital short from SNL called Lazy Sunday. him well when I can share a little joy with The LOSS Program It’s a rap song about going to the movies others, even if it’s just a little thing like a Loving Outreach to watch the Chronicles of Narnia. In it, homemade buttery cupcake. to Survivors of Suicide Andy Samberg raps about eating cupcakes This year my brother’s birthday falls on 721 North LaSalle Street Chicago, Illinois 60654 from Magnolia Bakery. When my brother a Friday. I have decided I’m going to take (312) 655-7283 Jeffrey turned 19 and was living with me some of the cupcakes to the downtown for a few months, it seemed appropriate www.catholiccharities.net/loss for me to make cupcakes from the recipe Continued on p. 7 OBELISK Thank You LOSS STAFF FOR YOUR SUPPORT Rev. Charles T. Rubey Postage Fund in Memory of Rob Zarecki Founder & Director A Special Thank you to the Deborah R. Major Department Director Amy Allen Foundation Cynthia Waderlow for their support and very generous contribution. Child Therapist Jessica Mead Program Coordinator Memorial Squares COUNSELING TEAM Lifekeepers Quilts Rev. Charles T. Rubey, Deborah Major, Laraine Bodnar, Elizabeth Teich, Sharon Bibro, JANUARY DISPLAY SCHEDULE Mary Novak, Amy McNicholas, &St. Casimir Motherhouse Chapel Cynthia Waderlow, Pat Green, 2601 W. Marquette Road • Chicago, Illinois Michele Nowak, Jessica Mead, Quilt #16 Helen Banta, Victor Alvarez, Asela Paredes, Caryl Pripusich, Shawn Walker 9/14/1974 12/29/1999 Alicia Kon, Tony Panozzo Peter Jerome 10/1999 Adele Human, Virgina Dejarlais Adam Bellner 11/19/1979 2/29/2000 Jim Fusco 5/16/1943 2/26/2003 CONTRIBUTORS Natalie Gillett 1980 2003 Jennifer Lane Vivian A. Huska 12/1961 12/2001 Jan McDaniel Joe Patush 1980 2000 Charles T. Rubey Gerry Buehler 1/2/1955 8/4/1998 Cynthia Waderlow Thomas James Hamann 9/1/1969 8/7/2000 Marty Adams 12/11/1960 1/6/2003 EDITOR William Patrick Flynn III 2/15/1973 4/22/2003 Jessica Mead Steven M. Pasquerelli 5/11/1959 11/3/1997 James T. Benka 7/30/1954 11/4/1984 COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR Adrienne Leslie 3/12/1943 1/9/1991 Kristine Kappel Richard H. Osowski 6/23/1954 12/11/2002 Greg Anthony Mitten 12/16/1964 6/9/1995 CREATIVE SERVICES BRAND MANAGEMENT William R. and Theresa M. Stanek Chapel Jennifer Sirota of the Mission of the Holy Cross 1400 S. Austin Avenue • Cicero, Illinois ART DESIGN/LAYOUT Quilt #2 Kathleen Gabriel Gina Call 3/2/1970 5/7/1995 Christopher Clark 7/22/1972 4/23/1996 James Collins Clark 3/26/1968 12/13/1989 Virgillio Diaz, Jr 2/14/1968 9/30/1989 Phillip Fricano 12/20/1960 12/20/1997 Joey Gump 3/5/1958 1/16/1980 Kevin Gustafson 12/14/1966 10/16/1997 Lucia Elizabeth Koza 9/29/1922 11/12/1961 Jack Murphy 5/2/1935 8/22/1988 The LOSS Program Martin Joseph Redmond 6/10/1964 1/18/1994 Loving Outreach Michael Shields 5/9/1962 10/6/1989 to Survivors of Suicide Andrew Sikorski 5/29/1983 12/7/1998 721 N. LaSalle Street Rolland “Rocky” Sprague 12/17/1924 4/10/1987 Chicago, Illinois 60654 Greg Stanik 5/1/1967 1/25/1991 (312) 655-7283 Bill Steiner 4/18/1974 5/27/1994 Joseph Christian Westphal 12/13/1962 1/4/1997 www.catholiccharities.net/loss Joseph C. Westphal 12/13/1962 1/4/1997 2 OBELISK | January 2017 FROM THE DESK OF Father Rubey As we begin a New Year, many think about suicide. There are a lot of only son three years before he wrote survivors begin or continue on their misconceptions out there about suicide Hamlet. The words of the play take grief journey. In the immediate such as the act is cowardly or selfish. It on different meaning when they are aftermath of losing a loved person is neither cowardly nor selfish but it is read or heard with the thought that to suicide survivors are in a state of an act of desperation, the person who the author lost his son three years shock. They can’t believe that this completes suicide can no longer handle previous. The artistic director of a loved one actually took their life. For the pain in their lives. They believe the theater in New York also lost his son to some this fact can be very difficult to only way out is to complete suicide and suicide. Subsequent to his son’s suicide admit, the unspeakable act of suicide end the pain. the theater was putting on Hamlet. has happened to their family now. In order to better move on in life As the director watched the play there Survivors oftentimes walk around in it is best to integrate this event into were tears when the ghost of the dead a daze for a long time trying to figure one’s soul and this is not any easy king cries out to his son, Hamlet. There out why and what led this loved one to task. It means owning the fact that a were tears when Hamlet declares that perform such an awful and destructive loved one found life to painful and the “he has lost all my mirth.” There were act. This family does not deserve this, only way out is to take their life. These tears when Hamlet declares “To be or no one and no family deserves such a not to be” the speech in which Hamlet tragedy. The first step in this process considers ending his life. For the is to admit that this has happened in artistic director these were more than this wonderful and loving family. It “ one’s greatest wound words. This part of the play stirred up takes some time for this admission to many feelings related to the suicide of take place. If survivors are to have a ‘integrated’ becomes his son. The director has integrated his happy and satisfying future there is one one’s greatest power.” son’s suicide into his life and his work. very important admission and action This does not mean that the experience that needs to happen. It is not going Sister Dolores Hart has no effect on him but it does mean to happen automatically. It takes time that he is looking at the play through and a lot of courage to come to this a different lense since the death of conclusion along with a lot of tears. suffering souls saw no other way to his son. That is going to happen to all Sister Dolores Hart has very end the pain except to take their life. survivors when there is a situation that poignantly and succinctly stated “one’s To survivors this does not make sense brings them back to their loved one’s greatest wound ‘integrated’ becomes but to those suffering souls it made all suicide. The painful reminder does not one’s greatest power.” The important the sense in the world.