8 March 2002 The Student Newspaper for Imperial College Issue 1231

http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/felix/

Near the culmination of the Beverly Knight rides again! Great Felix Film Quiz. Yes, Do you see what we did culmination. (Page 26) there? (Page 18)

Election Result Uncertainty

The results of recent sabbatical elections the Elections Committee had moved ballot are in danger of being overturned after a boxes on the medical campuses in accor- formal complaint was made by the dance with Ms Munir's requests. President of the Medics' Union. If these complaints are upheld at subse- The Medics' President, Shazia Munir, quent meetings, the elections may be presented her argument on Tuesday, where entirely re-run. she alleged that the election had been run It has been alleged that this enthusiasm unfairly. This followed a formal complaint for re-running the election may be related which was sellotaped to the office door of to fourth year medic Idris Harding's narrow Returning Officer David Francis last defeat in the Presidential election. Mr Saturday, the day of the count. Sellotape is Harding overwhelmingly beat all the other not, apparently, a valid way to make a for- candidates in the medic vote with a medic mal complaint, and the count proceeded turn-out greater than in any other depart- unhindered - the results of which were ment, excluding the Huxley ballot which Medical Union President: Complaint announced on Monday (see page 5). contains three departments. This casts While the Returning Officer for sabbati- isfaction before they appointed him. doubt on the effect poor voting arrange- cal elections is usually the President, this The substance of Ms Munir's complaint ments may have had on the outcome. year's encumbent, Sen Ganesh, stood for regards the placement and limited number The recent elections cost the Union over re-election. David Francis acted as of ballot boxes on medical campuses, as £1000 - enough to kit out a Rugby team - Returning Officer in his place until a meet- well as criticism of the "lack of notice" but there are also significant worries that ing of Union Council confirmed that he given for students wishing to register their the student population would fail to turn could run the elections. This decision was vote remotely. out for a repetition of the elections. AW taken despite informal complaints about Mr Francis, who is heavily criticised in his conduct during the nomination of can- the complaint, argues that Ms Munir failed didates, implying that those now recruired to communicate the proxy voting arrange- to judge his conduct were aware of dissat- ments to her student body in time, and that

"Those election results in full. They're not pie charts, but it's an excuse to put a big pie on the front page!" Election results in full, but no pie... The next issue of Felix is the last issue of term and will be published on Wednesday 20th March college news

Alternative Careers Fair

Wednesday saw Civil tary sectors were slowly being Issue 1231 Engineering play host to the eroded, as charities, NGOs multitudinous hordes who had and voluntary organisations 8 March 2002 gathered for the second become more business-like London Alternative Careers and efficient. A number of Editor: will Dugdale Fair, Sustainable Futures. other talks followed, on a Deputy Editor: Alisdair Wren Organised by E-Soc and the range of topics from renew- News & Sports: Alex Coby LSE environmental initiatives able energy sources to ethical Reporter: John Stratford network, the aim of the fair investment. Music: Dave Edwards was to present career options As well as these talks vari- Books: Jon Matthews to students who don't want to ous companies and organisa- Arts: Jon Brenner sell their souls to 'big busi- tions were running stalls, with Film: Darius Nikbin ness', with an emphasis on such diverse groups as the Crossword: Dr. Hot Fudge sustainability, environmental- Teacher Training agency and Comic: J ism and ethics. Scientists for Global responsi- Tom Tibbits, E-Soc chair and The fair opened with a talk bility represented With Thanks To: driving force behind the event from David Kingsley, entitled The organisers were very Everything said that he felt students 'A slice of the Pie', in which he pleased with the turnout, as Felix, Beit Quad, Prince ought to know that there were tried to persuade those pres- over five hundred students Consort Road, London, indeed options other than con- ent that it was indeed possi- passed through the doors dur- SW7 2BB sultancy and financial servic- ble to work in a field that was ing the afternoon - about Tel: 020 7594 8072 es for Imperial graduates, and both ethical and sustainable, twice as many as last year - Email: [email protected] that the Union careers fair, while still making a decent liv- and those that attended felt Felix is a registered held annually in November, ing. He went on to explain that that it had been a useful and newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 does not provide students the traditions of lower pay and informative experience. Copyright © Felix 2002 with enough such options. poorer conditions in the volun- Alex Printed by: MCP Litho Limited

Exam Stress Workshop News In Brief

University Challenge The bar is being closed to "Emotional Preparation" Imperial College will take on make way for the construction Sommerville College, Oxford in of new research facilities. led by Claudio Calvi, Psychotherapist the final of this year's Construction of a new student Imperial College Health Centre University Challenge this common room is due to begin Monday at 8.00pm on BBC2. IC in the next few weeks. is looking for a record-breaking third win after its victories in Silwood Science Week 1996 and 2001. Although the Imperial's Silwood campus will Wed 13th & 20th March, 2002 series was recorded last be opening its doors to the Wed 4th & 11th December, 2002 autumn, the team have been public next week as part of unable to reveal the result. National Science Week. The programme of events aimed at 3pm - 4:30pm Gladys' Closes promoting the "excitement Gladys', the much-loved St. and relevance" of science will Mary's bar, will close later include a 'Science in the pub' evening featuring a discussion Attendance on both days necessary today after serving drinks to on genetic engineering. Bookings Required: medics at the Paddington cam- pus for almost seventy years. John S Extension 49381 or 020 7594 9381 listen SiKvev* Pxtss 'm:

The workshop will provide opportunities to share &*r,r>\. W««ifliok& . Setim <,,, -^o- ws a -. of Eastei: concerns and explore better ways of handling stress Ca/i".i-.nC. nckoiR . ' MOBS Baker wins a ticket lor the and anxiety during revision and exams.

Take our money and run.

Shell Personal Development Award

You can use our £500 Personal Development Award for almost anything. You could take the money and further develop an existing talent in sport, music or the arts. You could use it to run a community project, plan an expedition, learn a language or do voluntary work. Whatever the project we can help you run with it.

All we ask in return is that you come back and tell us all about it. The award is open to stu- dents of all disciplines, with the exception of final year students.

Visit www.shell.com/careers for an application form or telephone 0845 600 1819.

Using Question 11 of the application form, please describe how you would use your Shell Personal Development Award and what you expect to gain from it.

Closing date for applications 26*' April 2002.

in . . sabbatical elections

Those Election Results In Full

Although the results of the recent sabbatical elections were published in a Mini-Felix Election Special, we didn't have room to print the full break-down of results by department and candidate. Here, each graph shows the number of first round votes obtained by each candidate and in each department.

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Top left: Sen Ganesh, current Union President, was re- Bottom Left: The position of elected with his closest com- Deputy President (Clubs & petitor being Idris Harding. Societies) was uncontested and Nona Ahamat won easily Top right: The election for over New Election at the bal- Deputy President (Finance & lot box. Services) was closely fought between the four competi- Bottom Right: The vote for tors, and won by Ramnath Deputy President (Education Ramanan. & Welfare) was also uncon- tested, and Andrew Smith Centre: Will Dugdale was re- beat New Election decisively. elected as Felix Editor for a second term in the post. felix talk

Medic Union Update

Goodbye Gladys' Charing Cross Refurbishment Medics Rag Tonight students will be saying a On the other side of London, in This year's Medic Rag Week has beat- slurred farewell to the much-loved St Hammersmith, things are very different. en all ICSM RAG records, raising over Mary's Bar. There have been a series of The much needed refurbishment of the £55,000. The Rag Dash to Edinburgh events this week to mark the closure of Charing Cross student facilities looks was a great warm up to the week's Gladys', giving supporters of the bar an set to be complete by mid March. When events, raising over £6,000. The week opportunity to prop it up one last time. the area is finally opened, students can itself included Breakfast at Imperial's, King George V and Queen Mary expect a brand new funky bar (or is it a ICS&M RAG Games and the infamous opened the 'new' St Mary's Medical pub?) a comfy cafeteria, a coffee area, a Circle Line Pub Crawl. London was School building in 1933, which included gym and bop/dance area complete with invaded all week by hundreds of stu- the student-dining hall, Gladys'. Since DJ booth, stage and lighting, and all the dents in scrubs, completing various then Gladys' has been the centre for associated accoutrements! challenges and collecting loads of med school life in Paddington. It has The project has been split into two money for Children with Cancer and been a venue for concerts, shows and, of main phases, as the £800,000 raised was Leukaemia. Congratulations to the Rag course, cheesy bops. only sufficient for the ground floor refur- Team who worked incredibly hard for Much to the disappointment of the bishment. We hope to start the second the last few months, especially to students and doctors, Gladys' is being phase, which includes the toilets and Hayley Kirsop the Rag Chair. closed to make way for new research basement, once further funding has facilities. The bar has been kept open been secured, so watch out for new More news this year thanks to the hard work of the developments. The new ICSM SU website is now up bar committee and our bar manager, Given the number of students now liv- and running, complete with the latest Katie Schwab. ing in Hammersmith, and the loss of the news, contacts and personal prefer- All tickets for tonight have been sold Mary's bar, we are all looking forward to ences. Thank you to Phil Ward, who has well in advance (well, it is half price the new facilities opening, and are espe- worked incredibly hard on setting this drinks). I'm sure Gladys' will get the cially looking forward to the big opening up. Check out www.su.ic.ac.uk/medic send off it deserves. party... Shazia Munir, ICSM SU President

Chaplaincy

What does working in the City do to a hellish place to be. We find meaning in our day-to-day, people's humanity? Of course the City offers the compen- face to face relationships. With friends "Being Human in the Square Mile" - a sation of making a great deal of money. and good colleagues we can be our- talk given in the chaplaincy last week- One of Victor's interesting observations selves. At the same time, however, we kick started a few discussions. Victor is the process City workers go through are surrounded by millions of others. The Stock, priest of a church at the heart of when they retire from the money busi- vastness of the city offers extreme isola- the city, gave his reflections on 15 years ness in their forties. This premature age tion and loneliness. Yet the anonymity of listening to stories of city dealers and of retirement coming partly because also offers freedom to explore new financiers. there is no financial reason to carry on options and ways of living. This is also The City in popular imagination is a working. the dilemma of student life in a universi- place driven with the need to make This raises the questions for people ty. There is the freedom to explore identi- money. It is a place where increasing the "what is my life about?" and "now that I ty but also the risk of being outside the numbers and maximising profit on deals have the freedom to chose what to do group. There are also the options of stay- is the measure of success. Failure, and with my life what am I going to choose?" ing within the like-minded tribe or mov- the fear of failure, is the shadow side of Victor's role had been that of helping ing into new groups and contacts. this pursuit of success. There is the col- individuals to reflect upon these issues. So, the question posed by our speaker lective fear that "London will be eclipsed These are questions for all of us but the from the city is: "Is our humanity by Frankfurt". Then there are the person- daily pressures of work and study can enriched or eroded by the places in al fears of failing in the race to increase make it harder to encounter these ques- which we live or the organisations in profit. So in what ways can true human tions. which we work?" success and failure be measured? The City, so busy Monday to Friday, is For further opportunities to reflect on When the personal fears of those at the deserted on Saturdays and Sundays. It is being human join us on Wednesday 20th top stifle the trust and imagination of an extreme example of the separation in March, 1 pm, when our guest speaker is everyone else the organisation becomes urban life of work place and living place. Lucy Winkett from St.Paul's Cathedral. Friday Tuesday Wednesday y 8th ^union 12th 13f :play UNION QUIZ NIGHT 2001 Perrier Award winner sponsored by in Edinburgh H23TRAVEL "Truly exceptional. Ayoade has the potential to be up Prizes: £50 & beer there with the very best of I he Sweet I'asieofN union them." 8:30pm/FREE@the union Hi: play Edinburgh Evening News

Commercial Dapte 6 A of ^ House I Ibiza Tunes First 72 tickets over the bar get FREE WKD Redberry Reef Promotion Purchase advance tickets £ I/bottle 8pm-2am from the Union Reception 8pm-2am (while stocks last) 7-9pm £1 Union/£1.50 Guests Doors 7:30pm £1.50 Union/£2 Guests Late Night Hot Food £3 Union/£3.50 Guests

A^T^*7 m iiijiu IMJIHII Lx^DJ D-Mon & DJ Bliss 7:30pm Free@the Union 0P <§fe> AWARD Friday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 15th 19th 21st

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from 8pm QUIZ vf« ^munion lis "5NIGH T djsrpiay sponsored by on stage from 10pm NatWestf2> union 1 Q souriD djsiplaunioyn 3 djs:play H» ^*Sa5slMnD RIGHT 8pm-2am £1 Union/£1.50 Guests 7:30pm/FREE@the £2 Union/£2.50 Guests Prizes: £100 Barbque in the Quad || Friday Night Out 8:30pm/FREE@the union ^^Lg U Supported by

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Union Building Beit Quad R.O.A.R. Open noon-11pm Saji**^ $T ^ felix talk

IC Radio - Learn To Mix

Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, spam and you'll soon find something to suit your year. It's your opportunity to try your hand eggs and cheese. Cheesy Wotsits. Shaft. tastes. Take IC Radio, for example. The at some beatmixing with professional Discos. Rock solid, super potent, Blue diversity of shows we put out is huge. turntables, and find out for yourself how Stilton potency cheese. Everywhere you Tuesday nights give you Chilled with it's really done. Whether you're a seasoned turn, there's always cheese. No disrespect Etienne and Guillaume; a great collection pro with a few tricks up your sleeve, or to cheese or anything, but you can get the of everything you never knew existed, totally new to the whole concept and have impression at this university that cheese from quality French rap to dirty Drum 'n' never touched a deck in your life, come rules supreme, and while for a lot of people Bass. along and join in. There'll be basic training this is a happy state of affairs, for many Friday nights bring you Deep House and one-on-one guidance for the latter others this is just one big turn-off., a com- with Suvir, lots of lovely progressive stuff group, and those with a little more knowl- ponent of the apathy that rules IC, just which follows on just nicely from my own edge can perhaps give us all a few tips. So another reason to not bother. show Evolution, where I give you my get yourself along. You know you want to. But is it really all that bad? favourite prog house, breaks, and the odd Chilled with Etienne & Guillaume, I think not. Look below the surface, and spot of trance. Tuesdays 20:00 - 22:00 you find that there is a whole world of stuff Even amongst these pages, looking at Evolution with Phil Stewart, Fridays that has absolutely nothing to do with the music and club reviews should be 17:00 - 18:00 cheese whatsoever. Take the Union for strong evidence that there are people here Deep House with Suvir, Fridays 18:00 - example. Sure, we can take a glance at an at IC whose primary musical and enter- 19:00 ent and brand it 'cheese', but what of the tainment concern is not cheese. So take Learn to Mix, Wednesday 13th 15:00 - chill-out room upstairs that so often notice. Read, listen, get involved, and don't evening. accompany these drunken rampages in just pawn yourself off with 'it's all cheese'. Phil dBs? I've heard allsorts up there; prog house, drum 'ri bass, and all the breaks Learn to Mix and hip-hop you could hope to squeeze Which brings me neatly on to my next icradio between them. little item. On Wednesday, IC Radio is www.icradio.com What about elsewhere? Explore a little holding its first Learn to Mix session of the

Wine Tasting With ABV

Do you simply drink wine, or do you taste a period of silence on the WT front, enter the individual wines, explaining their charac- wine? RCSU, astride a white horse offering just teristics and how they relate to the cre- As part of the brand spanking new ABV enough funding to overcome the inertia and ational process. We aim to hold tastings Society (it's not a drinking club!), we are get the society moving again. approximately every two weeks, this proud to announce the reinstatement of So, the first question you may ask is why should allow us to cover a wide range of Wine Tasting as the very core of your stu- go to all this hassle just to drink wine, we styles of wine and provide our members dent social life at IC (well, maybe not... but don't need an excuse to get drunk, let alone with a solid introduction to the world of it's still quite fun!). In case you missed it, one with such pretentious connotations... I wine. Tastings last approximately two "ABV" is the new RSCU club, a kind of bas- would first point out (and I cannot stress hours and will cost around six pounds tard child of the Wine Tasting and Real Ale this enough), we are not a society aimed at (although we do hope to do some for free, Societies, with the addition of a new wing, getting drunk! Anyone can drink wine, it's later on in the year). We also hold tastings dealing with (sigh...) cocktails. simply a case of tilting the glass and swal- of whisky, port and champagne, although Wine Tasting at Imperial is by no means a lowing, what we aim to teach our members these are seen as extras to our primary aim new thing, we have had a very successful is the art of "tasting" the wine, a fantastic of tasting wine. If any of this interests you, society for the previous 46 years building up challenge requiring keen concentration, a our first event is to be held on the 12th of a huge contact base of professionals posi- good memory and a vivid imagination. March, the unmissable "Introduction to tively yearning to impinge their knowledge Tasting involves plunging into the depths of Wine Tasting". You will be told how to drink, (and alcohol!) onto our young and receptive the wine, unmasking a wealth of informa- how to smell, what to look at and which minds. All good you may say, and we would tion and revealing an extra dimension to characteristics of a wine are important as agree, but for reasons unknown the bureau- what is so often a routine event. we taste eight wines (4 red, 4 white) espe- cratic monolith that is IC Union decided In a usual wine tasting event, we taste cially chosen to exemplify the differences that Wine Tasting falls into the "unaccept- about 6-8 different wines of a specific theme possible between wines. For more informa- able funding" pigeon hole, resulting in the (region, style etc.). The tasting is guided by tion, go to www.su.ic.ac.uk/wine or join our death of the society last September. So after an external expert, who introduces us to the WotNot mailing list. Should the Imperial College UnionjointheNUS? (National Union of Students)

Ymm or M©

Monday, March 11 The Great Hall/Sth Ken, 12:30pm & Tuesday, March 12 Drewe Theatre/CX, 7:00pm NUS debate

No To NUS

On Thursday and Friday next week, you average of lOp to the price of every pint - Imperial College Union was one of the will be asked for the first time in seven that works out as your entire beer budget founder members of the Aldwych Group, a years whether you want to take Imperial for the first two weeks of term! group of students unions from the so-called College back into the National Union of At the moment we buy our beer through 'ivy league1 of universities in the UK. They Students. Those of us in the ever-growing TUCO - another purchasing consortium - take notice of us. Last year's ICU President, 'No' campaign believe that such a move which gives us low prices and good service. Hamish Common was Chairman of the would be detrimental to the life of stu- The suppliers that NUSSL uses have all Aldwych Group. It was Tasha Newton, an dents at Imperial College. This article tells been used by ICU in the past, and have ICU President, who persuaded the top 12 you why you should vote 'No' to the NUS. always provided us with a bad service. universities and colleges to rule out top-up Membership would cost £35,000 per Why join an organisation that makes us use fees. When the Dearing Committee on year - that's a 10% cut for your clubs and suppliers we don't like? Higher Education Funding wanted to find societies! It gets better! NUSSL want to tell you out real students' views on student finance, Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sure, what to drink - and they don't stock did they go to a student body that's in the they might try to tempt us with a discount Carlsberg, Lowenbrau or Castlemaine NUS? They didn't. They came to Imperial. in the first year, but after that it's at least XXXX - all best sellers in the Union bars! People want to know your views because £35,000 per year for membership - and that And just when you thought it couldn't get you're students at Europe's equivalent of money is coming from the College's subven- any worse - there will be a severe restriction MIT. We don't need to pay £35,000 for that tion to the Union. There's no more pots of on the number of Real Ales that the Union privilege. You get it when you sign up. gold in the Sherfield Building to bail us out can sell. The Yes campaign will tell you that the - it's £35,000 less for your clubs and soci- NUS introduced the London Transport eties, union services, developments, new Discount Scheme. They didn't. The NUS initiatives, academic representation and hijacked it at the last minute, and the welfare. In real terms that's a 10% cut for all scheme has never been right since. clubs and societies - do you think the Union Tuition fees in Scotland? They don't exist will cut its staff and administration budgets anymore. The Yes campaign will tell you before they cut yours? that the NUS were behind the abolition of In short, Imperial College could affiliate to fees, but the students who ran the cam- the NUS, or it could give a full grant to the paign tell a different story. How many of the Afro-Caribbean, Arabic, Bangladeshi, five Scottish universities who overturned Chinese, Cypriot, Erasmus, French, But guess what? That's not all, folks! fees were part of the NUS? One. The other German, Hellenic, Indian, Indonesian, NUSSL is obliged to stick to the NUS "ethi- four have been out for years. Iranian, Irish, Italian, Japanese, Korean, cal" policy, imposed by the NUS National The NUS claim to be the only effective Lebanese, Malaysian, Mauritian, Pakistan, Executive, which would prohibit us from lobbying organisation in the country. In fact, Scandinavian, Singapore, Spanish, Sri selling things like KitKats. We believe that they're the only student organisation in the Lankan, Taiwanese, Thai Soc, Choir, Imperial College students should be the UK that hasn't had a victory in four years. DramSoc, Jazz Big Band, Jazz & Rock Soc, only people who decide what gets sold in "But we can get discounts from Top Man Leonardo Soc, Musical Theatre, Orchestra, our Union's bars, shop and newsagent. and HMV if we join!" Sinfonietta, Classical Guitar, Jazz Big Band, "But we could get national representation And you can get discounts from Tower Abacus, Amnesty International, Artsoc, from the NUS." Records if you walk in there today with your CathSoc, Christian Student Action, The , Yes campaign would have you IC card. The power of an NUS card to secure Christian Union, ConSoc, Debating, believe that without the NUS, Imperial a discount is getting weaker every year; in Environmental, Finance, Hindu, His People, College students don't have a voice at a contrast, go for some retail therapy around IQ (LGB), Islamic, Jewish, Krishna national level. They say that if nurses, London and you'll find that most shops that Consciousness, Labour, Pimlico, Pugwash, teachers and farmers' have national bodies, offer a "student discount" will accept your Rocksoc, Science Fiction, Sikh, Student then students should as well. We agree. But IC card, your ULU card, your ISIC card - the Industrial Society and Origami societies. It's just as there are many different unions for list gets longer. your choice. all these groups of workers, so should there Your Vote Counts. "But we would get 'money back' through be for students. On Thursday and Friday you have a joining NUSSL!" Does a student at Imperial College - choice - a vote for an effective, value for Not strictly true. NUSSL is the bulk-buy- Europe's leading academic institution of sci- money, campaigning body providing the ing group that would take over all the ence, technology and medicine - need the services you need and much more - or a Union's bar, catering and shop purchasing. same representation as students who vote for the NUS. With their current price range (which is like- attend Merthyr Tydfil College? Why is it an To learn more about why you should vote ly to change this year anyway) in the best- advantage for you to be represented by the 'No' to the NUS, or to help with the cam- case scenario the Union might gain £9,000 same people who represent technical col- paign, please visit our website at per year, but this would mean adding an leges, or Further Education colleges? http://union.ic.ac.uk/no2nus/ debate NUS

Yes To NUS

NUS - Discounts and a National Voice maintenance grant for students. You may and for students. They have specialist legal, A Note by David Francis, Deputy have heard the recent announcement that housing, and student financial support President (Education & Welfare), Imperial Wales has followed Scotland in reinstating advisors. They regularly produce briefings College Union. student grants. That now leaves England on a whole range of areas, ensuring officers On March 14th and 15th, you'll have the out of step. We need to make sure that the are kept up to date with changes in the law opportunity to change your experience of government recognises the hardship and and involved in campaigns. NUS Ents nego- Imperial College. For the first time since unique needs of Imperial students. tiate with bands and DJ's to provide free 1995, Imperial students are being given a At the moment we are among the 2% of tours of the country. LSE's students can chance to join the National Union of students in the UK without a national voice access this - why can't we? Students, the organisation which repre- and a YES vote for NUS is the only way we NUS is a democratic organisation, with sents and achieves discounts for 98% of are going to be heard. Imperial College every union able to send representatives to higher and further education students in Union needs to be part of a strong National their annual conference to make policy and the UK. Union that is maintaining the pressure on elect the executive. NUS would provide direct benefits for government. NUS achieved a massive What about the arguments of the "No" every student at Imperial and for our union. turnout and unprecedented press coverage campaign? What are their arguments The NUS card is the one nationally recog- in its national demonstration on 20 against joining? Well, I've had a good look at nised proof of student status giving access February. Owain James, the National their website and, apart from a lot of opin- to a wide range of discounts ranging from President, got the message of student hard- ion there seem to be very few "facts". burgers to theatre tickets. This benefit ship broadcast to millions through the BBC, You do NOT have to declare a political package has been enhanced through the ITV Channel 4, Sky and many local news allegiance to join the NUS. The current pres- development of www.nusonline.co.uk On programmes. He even appeared on Richard ident was elected as an Independent, and the site you will find news, advice, informa- and Judy! the largest political group - Labour Students tion and access to a number of special - has only 6 out of 26 members of the nation- offers. Sadly, Imperial students cannot cur- al executive. While it would cost £35,000 rently access the discounts (for example per annum to affiliate Imperial could save 10% off all purchases from HMV) as we're £25,000 by joining NUSSL. The cost of not affiliated. £10,000 is a fairly small sum to find in our The services that NUS can offer our union union, which has an annual i turnover of NATIONAL UNION OF STUDENTS range from high quality tailored training for over £3.5million. It could be found in a vari- our elected officers, through to access to The government know that the present ety of ways and certainly would not require discounted deals for our bars, catering and system is not delivering. Thanks to the hard beer prices to rise or clubs and society shops, via NUS Services Ltd. (NUSSL); work and targeted campaigning of NUS and budgets to be cut. which means more income for our union students' unions across the country change They say that NUS is so big it can't prop- and better prices for us. The reduction in is inevitable. It is up to us to vote YES to erly represent Imperial students when it costs which membership of NUSSL would ensure that our voice is heard when the also speaks for students from across the UK. bring has been calculated to be up to decisions about just how the system will Surely we would be better off with a strong £25,000. Joining NUS would cost us £35,000 change are being made. 700 students' national union representing us on national and to join NUSSL - this is optional, but only unions representing over 4 million people of issues and supporting our union on local open to NUS affiliates - would be another all ages studying in universities and col- issues rather than ICU on it's own out in the £60. Peanuts considering ICU last year leges, working together through NUS, have cold? Teachers, farmers, police officers and spent £45,000 on the wiring of the West the collective strength to win change and to doctors are all represented by national bod- Basement in Beit Quad (as opposed to a keep the student movement a force that ies, why should it be different for students? budget of £15,000) and £14,-000 on French must be listened to. What motivates the "No" campaign? We Polishing the Union Dining Hall. NUS is more than a nationally recognised note that this campaign is being led and What then does NUS offer other than dis- campaigning body. Professional run by union hacks that have failed to give counts and cheap beer? Perhaps most researchers sit on a host of technical com- Imperial students a choice on affiliation important of all is national representation. mittees working behind the scenes to give since 1995. Perhaps they like to feel isolat- The need for a national representative voice a student view on issues such as quality ed. Perhaps they don't care if we have dis- for students remains as great today as it assurance, careers services, student counts or want us to have a national voice. was in 1922 when the NUS was founded. employment and training for lecturers. NUS NUS is the largest independent student The recent growth in the student popula- have access to the heart of policy develop- organisation in the world providing a tion has enormous implications for funding ment and decision making; 98% of students' unique range of services and a strong voice and for the nature and quality of the educa- unions in the UK have access to this sup- for students; a voice that is heard where tional experience. NUS has been the one port. Imperial College's students do not. decisions are made. Your vote can make you national voice calling consistently for the And there's more. NUS has a wide range part of that voice. On Thursday, 14 and abolition of fees and the restoration of the of support and advice services for our union Friday, 15 March, vote YES to NUS. talk back

JCR Chair Trauma More NUS Talk entails us getting one at the freshers' fair or (heaven forbid!) actually going to the ULU Dear Felix, Dear Will, building and applying for a card. Once again my damned foolish con- Fortunately I have been fairly well isolat- Seeing as Union funding has already science has made me speak out. I have dis- ed from ICU politics this year so I'm not sure been cut for next year, I can see no real ben- covered another way in which whoever if the points I am about to make have efit to be gained from a £ 50.000,- affiliation provided our college facilities failed to take already been made, but if not I think it's to an organization which seems only to fur- into account that this is Imperial College about time someone said something to ther the political career of its president and and thus wasted funds. In this case, it is make ICU council and the Sabbaticals come committee - money which would have to chairs. If you spend as much time taking to their senses! come from somewhere. However much the coffee breaks in the JCR as I do you would Referendums are expensive things. Union structure can be streamlined, the los- notice the severe discrepancy between the Indeed the budget for running the referen- ers will be the students in the end, as number of chairs and the number of people dum is set at £2,000 - £1,500 for the cost of money is taken away from student sitting on them, small knots of people sit at the people to sit on the ballot boxes and activites. Imperial has one of the best union one end of a row and perhaps another £250 per campaign! Is it just me that thinks club and society scenes in the U.K., and clique will be at the other but in between that this is all a big waste of money since some of the cheapest bars in London - let's there are vast gaps of empty, apparently pretty much everyone is against it keep it that way. uninhabitable space. If you are now bored, (including all the ICU presidents for the Yours faithfully, rest assured, there is a point, this is not just past 6 years). Even the current President, J. Whitfield, Aero 2 a letter about chairs or even college ineffi- Sen, who suggested the referendum is ciency, it is about you people. arguing against it! I personally find it quite Yes, it's true; IC has caught the London ironic that the biggest argument against Dear Sir, transport syndrome, the bug that prevents joining the NUS is the cost of affiliation, yet With the NUS referendum getting close, I two strangers from voluntarily sitting next ICU is wasting thousands of pounds just so thought I would like to bring up a few to each other on the bus. Now admittedly that it can been seen to be democratic - I points that have been bothering me for a I've had bad experiences with people who think on that score this years sabbaticals while. try to talk on the tube and as far as I'm con- are closing the barn door well after the Joining the NUS would mean paying cerned you're welcome to be suspicious of horse has bolted. around £57,000 subscription next year (and someone who might be carrying a knife or On the subject of cost I would also liked this would most probably increase later). concealed bible out there in the real world, to know which muppet was so disorgan- College is not prepared to give any more but in the common room? The most you ised to hold two sets of campus wide elec- money to the Union and the money would have to fear is being drawn into a discus- tions this year - one for sabbaticals, the therefore have to come out of the clubs and sion about complex integrals by a man with other a referendum on the NUS. The cost societies funding. In view of the already an offensive beard, you are in no physical could have almost been wiped in half if peo- large drop in club funding this year (artsoc danger, you never know, you might even ple had been asked to vote on both at the and many more!), I find it hard to justify the enjoy the experience. In this way you can same time because you would only need to further drop in funding that would be make new friends or discover people who pay one set of people to sit on the ballot caused by the NUS. can do your work for you. Who knows, boxes! Joining the NUS would also mean hand- amongst the discarded coffee cups and After all the cock-ups this year maybe IC ing over a lot of decision-making tasks to polystyrene trays you might find love. OK, could do with joining the NUS if only so them, including the choice of our food and so that's going a bit far but I'm sure you there's someone to hold Council's hands drink providers. This centralisation would understand what I'm trying to encourage. and stop all of these stupid decisions! mean a net increase in the price of drinks, Throw off the shackles of science fiction Yours faithfully, especially beer, by not allowing us to addiction, tear yourself away from that Tim choose the cheapest provider on the mar- computer game and interact with real peo- Ex IC student ket. Student choice of chocolate would also ple. Talk without typing, make some of be greatly restricted as the NUS does not those sound waves you've been taught tolerate Nestle products for example. about and tell that guy just how much you Dear Sir, As for the benefits, well you might get a love his beard. I would like to point out a couple of points reduction at your local cinema- if it didn't Pete with respect to the upcoming referendum already accept your swipe card- when you on NUS affiliation. The main reason put for- go home to see your parents and also ward by the pro-campaigners seems to be cheaper clothes from Topshop. When it that I will be able to get a nice shiny NUS comes to student representation though, The next set of letters are all opinion pieces. card which will allow me to get nice shiny the NUS is being ineffective and apathetic. I do not correct individual mistakes in let- discounts at high street shops. However, I Other universities are increasingly thinking ters, so bear in mind that what these letters was under the impression that since IC is a of leaving because their money is being say is not necessarily true: read the NUS fea- college of the University of London, we are squandered and the NUS is unaccountable. tures to find out more. all entitled to ULU NUS cards. It simply So what to do? Cinema reductions three back talk

times a year and few IC society events or team, for the 2002-2003 quiz season, on Why are college planning to sell a hall affordable beer all year round? Besides, an Thursday the 14th of March, at 1pm, in that has just been renovated to renovate NUS card is perfectly simple to obtain Seminar Room 7B in the East Basement of another? Why not sell Beit in 5 years to through ULU! the Union. This will consist of a series of refurbish the other halls? Give me a cheap pint, any day! questions on all sorts of subjects, designed Garden is the most luxurious hall in col- Anonymous to test your potential as a contestant. lege and looks stunning inside and out. If The only constraint on you is that you you don't believe that, take our challenge have to be a student next year. and visit. This invitation is extended to East Meets Controversy Any questions to [email protected]. union officers, college management, "Imperial, Kilford". estates, or anyone else involved with the Dear Felix. closure. I recently took part in East Meets West All we have been informed of is the clo- 2002 and the show was fantastic. However, Gardening Hour sure of the hall, without any solid reasons. the current ICU President was there caus- All we ask of the college and Union is to ing what seemed to be a hell of a lot of trou- Dear Felix, give us an explanation of why they plan to ble over nothing. Due to remarks by the Rector (reported in do this. From our viewpoint, it is certainly Dramsoc reported that Sen entered their issue 1225), it was brought to our attention no good for the students, and surely the control room and asked that the show be that Garden Hall will be sold soon. To the Union, and hopefully the college, is here for delayed. Bizarre. As to the reasons, he him- best of our knowledge Montpellier and the students? Or is ranking higher than self said it was because he wanted people Brabazon will also be closed and we ques- other colleges in terms of research becom- to go home and not go to the aftershow tion the logic of closing cheap accommoda- ing a higher priority? party due to his 'fire-safety' concerns. I tion close to college. Ahmed & Jude (Garden Hall Residents) know, I was there when he said it. I find it The lack of information from the Union to hard to believe that the President did not the student body suggests that the Rector know WEEKs in advance the numbers com- has their full support. The Union is meant Health Concerns ing to see the show. Either he was being to be an open institution that informs and completely incompetent or he came down explains both their own and college's deci- Dear Felix, just trying to cause trouble. sions - decisions which affect the student I am writing to complain about the IC I find it disgusting that an official of the population now and in the future. However, Health Centre. Last week I had a spare hour Union (indeed, the President) would come they are pre-occupied arguing amongst one morning and, needing a consultation down alone and prevent nearly 75 students themselves over issues the majority of stu- with a doctor, decided to go along to the entry to their own aftershow party. When dents don't know and don't care about. Open Clinic' in the morning. I know I'm not other officers of the Union came out to tell The closure of Garden Hall and others will registered with a doctor there, nor with a him that their must have been a miscount, affect the student population, and ultimate- doctor in London, but should be able to see he refused to believe them and still pre- ly the colleges' (both in terms of reputation a doctor as a temporary visiting patient. vented entry. Does this not seem a bit irra- and research), negatively. The logic behind Upon asking if I at reception if I could be tional? closing a hall on campus evades us. seen in the Open Clinic, I was told I had to I'm also surprised that Sen Ganesh had Having to commute to college will isolate register with a doctor at the Health Centre. time to persecute the Indian Society - first year students from both the Union and I then informed the receptionist I didn't there's me thinking he had a constitution to college, reducing their participation in wish to register at this moment in time, and re-draft. activities and their degrees. only needed a short consultation with a Samit Ahir Not all students can afford the high price doctor. After asking my postcode (N7), she of single en-suite rooms - especially with informed me that I was in their catchment There were two other letters written that the added costs of travel on the increasing- area and therefore HAD to register if I want- were very similar to this, so-have not been ly expensive underground. Garden provides ed to see a doctor. The last time I checked included due to space. cheap accommodation to a large number of with a GP in my family, no person has to students who would not other be able to register with a doctor to see one, but it is attend Imperial. Is Imperial going to preferred if the patient is staying in the area Mentally Challenged become Yuppy Central? for a long period of time. According to Of the 84 students at Garden Hall, most of Health Centre literature, they recommend Have you been watching University the students that live in shared rooms thor- patients should register with them "if they Challenge on TV this year? Thrilled at the oughly enjoy the experience. Not only do are staying in the area for over three daring escapades of the four intrepid cru- overseas students (who already pay months.". Last time I checked, an eleven saders as they see off the challenges from £12,000 in fees) find it cheaper to stay at week term is shorter than three months, all comers? Thought that you could do bet- Garden, but they also find it easier to mix and most undergraduates go home for the ter? with British students. There is nothing like summer. Well, you now have a chance to do even sharing a room to get to know someone Regardless of this fact, N7 is about 45 better. There will be hustings for the 'new* from a different culture. minutes away from South Kensington, so if talk back

I were to register with a doctor, I think I point out that I was always planning to of students, especially those in Biology, did would register in N7 - if I were too ill to go submit this letter, regardless of the result. not even know where their ballot box was. to college and needed to see a doctor, I Throughout the whole election process, I could not believe my ears when the doubt I'd want to travel 45 minutes by tube the conduct of the returning officer and his elections committee decided to blame us, to college to see one. And if I ever fell ill elections committee left much to be the candidates, for the low turnout, claim- while at college and needed to see a doctor desired. To start with, all the dates were ing that it was due to the fact that many of I certainly hope one would see me even if I changed, which was not only extremely us had spent only a small proportion of the were not registered. If someone gets a sum- inconvenient for those involved, but it also available publicity budget. It is down to the mer internship and works out of town for meant that voting would begin just one day committee to publicise these elections. A the whole summer, I doubt they would reg- after the South Kensington hustings. As a candidate, and only a candidate, should ister with the doctor in the area. But I could result, Felix was unable to cover hustings decide how much of his/her budget to guarantee they would be able to see a doc- before the start of voting. spend. From the results, it seems that there tor if they asked at the local surgery or The hustings at Wye were a complete is no link whatsoever between publicity health centre. farce. They were due to begin at 6.30pm, and victory. Besides, the turnout was So I ask why was I denied the opportuni- and so our returning officer, in his infinite greater than last year, with over 10% of stu- ty to see a doctor at the Imperial College wisdom, decided to leave South Kensington dents voting. Finally, how can the elections Health Centre? I am after all an Imperial at 4.45pm. We eventually arrived over an committee possibly criticise us after Mr College Student, and am also entitled to hour late. One of the two minibuses turned Francis' terrible handling of the whole NHS treatment. If you have been denied up about 15 minutes before the other, and affair? I am fully aware that I signed a piece service at the Health Centre please write in so the two other candidates for the position of paper saying that the election was con- because this is not on. of Felix editor spoke and received questions stitutional. I did not complain at the time Regards, Tom Ternent ISE2 before the minibus I was in had even because, for reasons including the effect of arrived. Surely this was unfair, and David the election on my degree, the last thing I Francis should have waited until all the can- wanted was for the whole thing to be re- How Not To... didates for a particular post were present. run. Mr Francis' article in Felix regarding the I am certain that many people involved Dear Will, Single Transferable Vote system was factu- with the election process will agree with Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on ally incorrect and could have misled stu- my comments, including most, if not all, of your victory in this year's sabbatical elec- dents. The positioning of the ballot boxes the candidates. Action should be taken tions. I am certain that you will keep doing for medical students meant that it was against those involved, if only to prevent a a good job as Felix editor, and I am delight- either very difficult or impossible for many similar situation occurring next year. ed to continue working with you. May I also such students to vote. A significant number Yours &c. Dave Edwards, Music Editor

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For you, no charge.' to oat, A stick. 0? music reviews

Departure Lounge Hoobastank Beverley Knight

Too Late To Die Young Hoobastank Who I Am

Out now on Bella Union records Out now on Mercury records Out this Monday on Parlophone records

The British four-piece return with a pop I used to be into metal. Many moons ago, The self-assured ambassador for record produced by French DJ and multi- before I came to university, I went to Wolverhampton's almost non-existent instrumentalist Kid Loco. Too Late To Die Sepultura concerts; the whole lot. Luckily music scene returns with this long Young is the third Departure Lounge in my opinion, this affliction didn't awaited, slickly produced follow-up to album and the follow-up to their instru- progress to its final stages. After many Prodigal Sista. mental project Jetlag Dreams. years of listening to house music and the Who I Am is one of the most promising Tim Keegan, singer and songwriter, like, the closest I have come to metal of albums I've heard this year, full of emo- appeared on last year's Kid Loco record late is a Travis CD - not exactly Slayer's tion and character. However, it is unable Kill Your Darlings, and the co-operation Reign In Blood, I think you'll agree. to reach the higher echelons of the hall of between the two helps to extend the Still, the rise of poorly-spelt nu-metal fame of musical royalty. dreamlike atmospheres developed on the has not escaped me. One thing that dif- The opening track is the brilliant Get band's first two albums. We can still find fers about metal in more recent times is Up, which had me dancing in circles due sensual melodies and sweet choruses (I the number of women who like it. Back in to its infectious rhythms and seductive Love You), even if we also discover a new the day, concerts were like Elec Eng vocals. I don't want it to end. Track two, groovy element (King Kong Frown). socials, but now the numbers are almost the likeable, mature recent single The most interesting tracks are those even. Only today, I overheard a couple of Shoulda Woulda Coulda, begins in a man- where the emphasis is placed on the teenage girls excited by the fact that ner similar to that of the excellent Turin instruments rather than the vocals. Slipknot were on the cover of Metal Brakes on their inspirational track The Many, such as the pretty scheming Hammer. Quite how they know that a Underdog. When the chorus kicks in, Tubular Belgians In My Goldfield and the man who is only seen in public wearing pleasant guitar strumming and Knight's bluesy Coke and Flakes, could have been a mask is "gorgeous" is beyond me. soulful voice bring an almost mediocre written for film soundtracks. But what has all this got to do with set of lyrics to life. And what about the rest of the record? Hoobastank, you ask. Well, Hoobastank It is when R&B sensibilities take hold Actually, it's not bad. Quite good, in fact, rock big time. From the opening chords, that this album is immensely appealing. but something has bothered me after displaying the fantastic crunch tone that Unfortunately though, this doesn't hap- each listen. The tracks sound good, but bedroom guitarists spend thousands try- pen very often. perhaps too good: the production seems ing to imitate, you know that this album Highlights include Beautiful too careful. As a result, the album sounds is going to be special. The vocals may Contradiction, with its soaring vocals, too pop and too "easy listening" for me. not be up to Pavarotti standards, but who and the smooth, slow R&B number Indeed, Departure Lounge don't create a cares when the rest is so good?'There's Hurricane Jane. Erykah Badu's influ- very innovative style of music. I would nothing particularly complex or subtle in ences come through effectively on the prefer more bugs in the production and their arrangements, but they set out with gospel-tinged Same, and Whatever's less perfect pop songs (What You Have Is the sort of muscular punky rock style that Clever features Misteeq-style vocals. Good is catchy but not really exciting). just speaks for itself. Who I Am is Knight's best work, built In conclusion, if you enjoy beautiful, There hasn't been a better new rock upon strong lyrics and a very powerful classic pop music, then don't wait - run band since Therapy? If there is any sort voice. The chart success of the first two and buy this record! But if you are inter- of justice in the world, Hoobastank will singles, Get Up and Shoulda Woulda ested in musical discoveries and new be crowned kings of nu-metal and show Coulda, suggests that this may be the sounds, then you might want to try those upstarts Linkin Park how it really album that brings her music to the something else... should be done. masses.

Frangois Alex Sajini reviews music

INTERVIEW with Beverley Knight

Beverley Knight's new album Who I Am is released on Monday (see review, left), and she is currently touring the UK with Jamiroquai (a live review will appear in Felix soon).

FELIX: This album is very different from Prodigal Sista. What inspired the changes? BEVERLEY: This album is different and progressive. There are some overlapping points with Prodigal Sista, but this album is deliberately broad-based to reflect my creative influences. I wanted to reflect my musical background. How do you think people are going to receive your album? The album is all about moving forward and I feel really good about it. I don't think it will be a shock to my fans. People under- LIVE: Bubba Sparxxx + stand progression, and I feel that my fans are growing with me. You've been doing a lot of collaborations recently. How do Princess Superstar + you decide who to work with? Well, with Jay K, he asked me to work on his album and support Dilated Peoples @ Astoria him on the tour. James Poise connected me to Musique Soul Child. The evening ends with the crowd bottling the stage in disgust What was it like working with Musique Soul Child? at Bubba Sparxxx's premature exit. He's only been on stage for He's very easy to work with. Musique comes across shy but fifteen minutes. Granted, they were fifteen excellent minutes, he's always laughing at my accent. racing through of half a dozen tracks from his debut album and Did you write all the songs on the album? Are you talking culminating with an excellent version of Ugly, but given that about people you know well or are all the songs about you? the album is eighty minutes long, there's no excuse. All my songs, except Falling Soldier which is about Steven Lawrence, are usually about me and are quite personal. They're also about people I know. When I wrote the album, I was com- ing out of a long-term relationship, so I had to be myself and It might have been forgivable if Sparxxx (pic above) hadn't stand strong. For instance, Shoulda Woulda Coulda is very much made us wait for three quarters of an hour after Dilated Peoples about that relationship, and there was a lot of pain associated left the stage. On the other hand, he was still easily the high- with that. I had to put all that emotion down. light of the evening - while Bubba's problem was that he didn't What inspired Get Up? stay on stage for long enough, Dilated's was that they should Get Up was the first single from the album, and it was a call to have departed long before they finally did. With boring, weak arms. It was also about personal identity, with the dancehall beats and weaker lyrics, they're everyone's indie rap nightmare. influence. I'm really glad it did so well in the charts. Add in repeated attempts to see which side of the audience can Do you think UK R&B gets the kind of success it deserves? shout louder and you've got a very dull forty-five minutes. It's difficult doing R&B in the UK. For me, the biggest prejudice is culture. People think that unless it's coming from America, any R&B tune is just not good enough. Do you think UK R&B is becoming "more garage"? Which leaves Princess Superstar. Before the gig, I'd half writ- I don't know, but I have done some garage remixes. I don't ten her off as a lame New York ironist with a couple of OK tunes, intend to move to garage though, for exactly the same reason and this performance did nothing to change my opinion. why I don't do house - it's not me! Problem number one: her beats are weak. Like so many, she Can you tell me what input you have regarding your music seems to think that she can get away with nondescript produc- videos? tion because her rhymmg's so good. But it doesn't work for I don't have as tight a reign as I would like to - except for the "real" rappers, and it certainly doesn't work for her. Problem Get Up video. I wanted people to see me perform live. In my two: her voice is weak. She lacks authority and doesn't even next video [Shoulda Woulda Coulda], I try to put the song across hold our attention. But the real difficulty is problem three: she in a non-cheese way. just doesn't have the whole sex thing down at all. Unlike So what are you doing next? Madonna, or even Britney, she hasn't realised that making the Well, I'm going on tour with Jay Kay, then I'm headlining my occasional reference to being "kinkier than pubic hair" isn't own tour - I'll be touring the UK for 10 days. enough to make you a sex symbol. Give me Li'l Kim any day.

Koram Tcbv G music reviews

LIVE: Mull Historical Society LIVE: Fonda 500 + Edible + Minuteman @ Scala 5ft Smiths @ Metro

The Scala was packed out this evening, with hundreds upon Two quid fifty for a bottle of Stella? This is why we don't go to hundreds of Colin Maclntyre's fans cramming themselves into gigs on Oxford Street. But Edible 5ft Smiths are mental. After a the venue to see the legendary man himself. First though, we rubbish first number, they get into the swing: Christmas Song were administered with a dose of Minuteman, probably to starts as an angular thrash reminiscent of The Fall, then turns make sure that we were all suitably sedated before Mull into the Beach Boys' Christmas album, then, sadly, into a Historical Society came on stage. Coldplay-style indie ballad. It's like this all through the set as Minuteman were consistently disappointing. They started off the band, with an anorexic Steve Tyler of a frontman, lurch from every song with something extremely promising, but unfortu- one musical extreme to another. One track sounds like It's Not nately each track soon degenerated into a bland, incomprehen- Unusual with more thrashy bits. Another could be The Byrds in sibly forgettable mish-mash of randomly selected guitar riffs a bad light. The whole thing finishes with the inevitable apoca- and moany, whiny vocals. The Nirvana wannabes treated us to lyptic finale and then some echoey wailing for good measure. a whole set of brainwashingly boring tunes.

Misty's Big Adventure play desperately shit, cheesy gimp-a- Take one mole of cheesy pop, dissolve it in some rocking guitar thon music. They're like the worst, most corny hippy band from riffs, stir in any instruments you can find (from flute to steel Glastonbury who get "high on life" instead of on good honest drums) and add a spatula full of a man with a mission to put his LSD. They wouldn't be completely out of place playing in a mar- home on the map. Watch the fireworks and then admire the fin- ket town on a Saturday morning, with hideous inbred yokels ished product - Mull Historical Society. laughing at the colourful costumes. They had a guy dancing in The crowd, although slightly drowsy from the warm-up act, a suit with gloves stuck all over it. Whoa, trippy, man... were more than ready. Colin (pic above) gave it his best, bring- ing out the choirboys again for a proper rendition of Instead and practically smashing up the stage. The set was absolutely blinding, and everyone was excited to Fonda 500 (pic above) are doggedly unremarkable. By now, I've hear three new songs from the second album. Of course, Colin managed to get fairly drunk, even with these ridiculous prices, also pulled all the old tricks out of the bag, causing riotous and still none of their songs penetrate the beery fug with suffi- pogo-dancing with the latest single Watching Xanadu and cient panache to be memorable. Shame, for the band seem so almost leaping into the crowd while singing Barcode Bypass. nice - the singer has a big hat with furry ears, and the bassist At the end, everyone was elbowing each other in the face as is kinda cute in a Chrissie Hynde sort of way. She is, her flat they tried to grab one of the inflatable sheep released from the mate writes in my notebook, "the coolest girl ever". Even cool- ceiling. One girl nearly threw me to the floor in her (failed) er, apparently, than Kim Deal or Kim Gordon. attempt to retrieve a feather boa from the stage. Jesus, have I really come to Oxford Street to cover a gig? Or All in all, a very decent night, but if you're planning on going am I just wandering around in a drunken frenzy of some kind? to an MHS gig and standing near the front, make sure you're Fonda 500 continue to be stunningly average throughout. As equipped with full riot gear. their lead singer told us, "anyone can do this".

Jess Raoul Duke & Dr Gonzo reviews music

OUT THIS WEEK

The following are due lor release on Monday 11 March: ALBUMS BIFFY CLYRO - Blackened Sky BEVERLEY KNIGHT - Who I Am SIX BY SEVEN - The Way I Feel Today TELEPOPMUSIK - Genetic World SINGLES BUFFSEEDS - Barricade MCLUSKY - To Hell With Good Intentions LOST PROPHETS - The Fake Sound Of Progress RHYTHM MASTERS - Ghetto SHAGGY & ALI G - Julie ATHLETE - Westside Singles This is one of the catchiest tunes of the moment; expect to hear it on every radio station soon. It attempts to be simple, Roundup infectious indie-pop-rock, and succeeds. Athlete claim influ- ences ranging from Mercury Rev to Stevie Wonder, but the SHAGGY & ALI G (pic above) - Julie music is so fresh that it's not worth trying to detect them. Catch I was going to start the review with an Ali G "Ah", but then this band before either (a) their voices break, (b) they go stadi- everyone will do that, won't they? So what can I say about this um indie, or (c) a major signs them (aargh, artistic death!). song? Well, it's All G, and if you like him then you're going to love this track just for the comedy value. Shaggy doesn't do ID Robert much, apart from his customary nonsensical rap. Ali's not as clever as he used to be, but this is funny stuff. MCLUSKY - To Hell With Good Intentions Fat distorted basslines. Cocky as fuck vocals. Screeching gui- ID Oscar tars. More energy then the national grid. Steve Albini behind the controls. AND they're British. This cannot, and does not, fail BRANCACCIO & AISHER - It's Gonna Be (A Lovely Day) to be anything short of brilliant. The kind of stuff that would Yet another classy house track from The Annual 2002. As make Travis wet the bed. usual, it's done the rounds in the clubs for ages before finally being released. With a sample from C&C Music Factory, It's Ben Gonna Be does the job but isn't particularly memorable. Track three, the Bedrock vocal mix, provides an interesting take on the WARREN STACEY - My Girl, My Girl original, with a slightly more chilled-out vibe. This is the guy who was in Popstars but didn't make it into Hear'Say. Afterwards, he was immediately picked up by the Def Dave Soul label. The song begins with him saying "yeah" repeatedly, which makes me wonder whether he's trying to impersonate GOLDRUSH - Pioneers EP Craig David. Actually, that's the only bad thing I can think of Goldrush's label-mates include The Rock Of Travolta, Dustball about this record, because I quite like it. It's harmless, catchy and Six Ray Sun, and so I wanted to like this EP a lot. But that R&B/pop. Let's just hope that he stops repeating himself on his proved impossible from the very first note. Goldrush skim the next single. tiresome, emotionless scum off the surface of the weak lemon drink that is pseudo-Stereophonies stodge-rock and pass it off Oscar as "alt-country", making Blue sound like Aphex Twin in com- parison. COMPETITION We're giving away an exclusive promotional copy of the new Chris A album Hi-Fi Serious, reviewed in Felix last week. QUESTION: Name either of the first two A albums. BAZ - Smile To Shine Please email your answer, along with your name, year and Oh dear. Instantly forgettable soft shiny pop drivel, attempt- department, to [email protected] by Thursday 14 March. ing to cash in on the Nelly Furtado fad of the moment (well, The winner of the competition from Issue 1229 is James Nelly Furtado and all of the other no-hope no-soul no-appeal Greatbanks of Elec Eng 4, who knew that the two resident copycats whose names I've forgotten. Baz who?). DJs at FabricLive are All B and James Lavelle. He wins a copy of FabricLive 02. Robert film reviews

"The Oscraps" We Salute the Worst of 2001

Worst Picture Freddy Got Fingered (20th Century Fox) Glitter (20th Century Fox/Sony) *Pearl Harbour (Touchstone) Time Lapse (Lions' Gate Films. Inc) Exit Wounds (NPV Entertainment)

Worst Sense of Direction Michael Bay (Pearl Harbour) Tim Burton (Planet of the Apes) Exit Wounds (Andrzej Bartkowiak) Tom Green (Freddy Got Fingered) *David Worth II (Time Lapse) Editorial Worst Actor "Quiet Week for Movies" Roy Scheider (Time Lapse) Tom Green (Freddy Got Fingered) The other night I walked into this bar. It was quite a nice "Steven Seagal (Exit Wounds) Mexican bar, just off Regent street. But that didn't make it hurt Paul Hogan (Crocadile Dundee In Los Angeles) any less. Luckily my head took most of the impact. Sylvester Stallone (Driven) Which explains why I am unable to put out a film section of any sort of quality this week. Look, I even had to try and fill in Worst Actress the gap with a picture of an empty room. Not quite empty Mariah Carey (Glitter) though. There are two planks in the bottom left-hand corner of *Penelope Cruz (Blow, Captain Corelli's Vanilla Sky) the room. Interesting. Angelina Jolie (Original Sin) In a few weeks time, March 24th to be precise, the Academy Jennifer Lopez (Angel Eyes and The Wedding Planner) will be celebrating the finest in film. The creme-de-la-creme of Estella Warren (Driven and Planet of the Apes) Hollywood will be there; handing out distinguished awards to one another. That's why we at Felix On Film have decided to run Worst Sequel our own special awards ceremony. The Oscraps celebrate the * Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles worst movies of 2001. Hannibal This year the nominations for Worst Picture include such Jurassic Park III gems as the final nail in Steven Seagal's coffin, Exit wounds, Pokemon 3 Mariah Carey's excellently bad, Glitter, the sprawling three Scary Movie 2 hour epic of shiteness, Peari Harbour, and of course, Time Lapse. Seagal's work is, in fact, nominated in three different cate- Most Unfunny Comedy gories. These include prestigious recognition the Lifetime Freddy Got Fingered Achievement category, where he competes against the likes of Rat Race Jim Varney, of Ernest Goes to Jail fame, Lone Wolf McQuaid's Pootie Tang Chuck Norris, and Steve Guttenberg, whose work on the Police *Scary Movie 2 Academy series has scarred me for life. Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles Freddy Got Fingered features strongly with Tom Green get- ting a unprecedented double nomination in the Worst Director Worst Ending/Plot Twist and Worst Actor categories. There is also deserved recognition The Others for Paul Hogan's Crocodile Dundee III. *Planet Of The Apes This year we have also had some really bad endings. If you've Vanilla Sky seen Planet Of The Apes you would know exactly what I'm talk- ing about. Vanilla Sky does, in a similar vein, go from bad to Honourary Academy Recognition for a Lifetime Of Rubbish worse in the last quarter. That's why we have introduced a spe- Steven Seagal cial category for movies which run out of breath in the final Jim Varney straight. Movies which run out of breath, trip up over their own *Chuck Norris laces, hit the gravel, and stay there. Biting the dust. Steve Guttenberg Apart from that, JCR shop, get your act together. IC Sixths, Robin Williams we will win on Saturday at Motspur Park. Everyone else hang tight inside the ride - cos' here comes the rewind! AND THE WINNER IS!!!. Darius The ^| ^JS Prov'c'es support for the many students unions around the country and a national voice for the student body at large. NUS also works on behalf of students to provide benefits such as retail discounts. At the moment, the NUS might be the worst thing for the Union but might be

the best thing for students

Sen Ganesh, Imperial Union President The country needs a National Union of Students. If it wasn't there we would have to invent it Edwina Curry, MP The WOrl< of N US JS essential in the 'I met Owain James, President of the campaign against National Union of Students ... We ...... education cuts plan to consult and expect the NUS to contribute Neil Kinnock> Former MP

Margaret Hodge, Minister for i IE, 25.10.01)

The Government's recent admission of its failure on student finance highlights the effectiveness of the NUS campaign

Phil Willis, Liberal Democrat Education Spokesman, October 2001

NATFHE congratulates NUS on its leadership of the I hope Imperial students vote campaign to tackle student YES to join NUS for national hardship, poverty and debt representation and discounts

Paul Mackney, General Secretary NATFHE - Justine Stephens, ULUPresident 2001-2002 The University & College Lecturers' Union www.nusatimperial.co.uk voting will take place on Thursday 14th and Friday 15th March arts reviews

Lady Windermere's Fan Hamlet Royal Haymarket ICSM Drama Society

Exactly one hundred and ten years after the first time it was per- The ICSM Drama Society staged Shakespeare's Hamlet from the formed in London, Oscar Wilde's "Lady Windermere's Fan" comes 26th of February to the 1st of March 2002. It was held at the aus- back to the capital on the stage of the Royal Haymarket. A giant pices of the Imperial College Concert Hall, in South Kensington. fan hides the Victorian decorated stage, while we wonder what This shortened version was completely unaltered from could the people up in the gallery see without opera glasses. Shakespeare's original script. However, some creative direction, The feeling is somewhat as if we were in the wrong place: for- wonderful acting, and a glamorous set resulted in a truly enter- get the Barbican's atmosphere, forget the magic of the Royal taining evening. Court, the feeling of experiencing something new and unigue, The cast comprised many well-known and seasoned veterans, so pervasive on many of our favourite London's stages. The as well as an equal number of fresh young faces. All showed Royal Haymarket means tradition, classic plays played in the much talent for their roles. I must mention Hamlet himself, bet- classical manner, and the audience seems to be rather "classi- ter known as Matt Stevenson, who gave a most unique perform- cal" as well, and to have survived since. ance. The rest of the cast were also outstanding, but nobody Almost a play around (rather than inside) the play. High soci- could deny that he brought something special to the role. ety and its rules are the real object of the play, and Wilde's sharp The set was well styled and crafted. The sound was appro- blade pierces the veils of conventions to their very core. priate and added to the experience. There was also interesting Once admitted to the highly esteemed Windermere's house use of art throughout the performance. For many of the senior the disgraced Mrs Erlynne regains respectability because of that cast and stage crew, this was their last play - they can retire same trait which, before admittance being granted, wouldn't happily on the back of this truly riveting production. have been conceivable at all; her reputation. Wilde's glamorous As you would expect from Shakespeare, Hamlet had many claim is that all this conventions are empty and pointless being twists in the plot and characters, a few surprises (if you didn't built primarily upon themselves. But then when misunderstand- already know the story), love and tragedy, family politics, and a ing put Erlynne to the trial, nature proves stronger than interest. very dangerous looking but precisely orchestrated duel scene - We must admit that the casting is absolutely impressive, and in this was breath-taking! It even had mini-singing and dancing particular the choice of the two primadonnas. Mother and daugh- pieces, albeit in the mentally unstable states of some of the ter on the stage as well as in real life, Vanessa Redgrave and characters. Along with this, the comprehensive themes and Joely Richardson are the backbone and the soul of this classic. length, it could rival a modern Bollywood production. Without their spontaneity and their freshness the play would Mental illness was a strong theme in the play, and causes for really taste cheesy, but they are able to superpose to the comic Hamlet's mental state were suggested to throughout. In the cur- register the dramatic touch of the guilt of a forsaking mother rent age, when recreational drugs and psychotropic substance and the awakening to realism of a "sleeping" idealistic beauty. abuse are so rife, the play reminds us that these issues are age The guys this time are not at the level of the girls. Lord old, and the consequences they have today are not dissimilar to Windermere is less than convincing - and Darlington is just a those of yesterday. Hamlet's sexually charged performance was bit more lively than a puppet. also interesting as he hinted at maternally-fixated incest. The Nonetheless the dialogue of the gentlemen late at night in hard work of everybody involved ensured that there was some- lord Darlington's living room is extremely funny: the breathtak- thing that everyone could relate in this diligently crafted pro- ing source of so many immortal citations. duction from ICSM.

Sergio reasons nA to vote no thin us #20

"To rejoin this discredited organisation would be like cutting off our heads to spite ourselves***" EricAllsop - ICU President 1996-7

"...David Blunhctt thanked the leadership of the NUS for helping him to introduce the Act of Parliament which created tuition fees. Having opened the stable door and watched the horse bolt out, they're now locking themselves back in the stable in the hope that someone will notice. That's not worth £1 of anyone's money, let alone£35,000..." , „ _ . . . _ Andy Heeps - ICU President 1997-8 "...I debated with Pantsy Pakes [Andy Pakes, NUS President 1998-2000] the other day - we told him the NUS was useless, and he couldn't argue back.**" Dave Hellard - ICU President 1998-9 BH "...The NUS has nothing to offer Imperial Students and arguably has nothing IIS to offer any other students in this country. It came from great ideals but is fjl now so diversified between Higher and Further Ed, sixth-formers up to JH postgrads, that it serves no-one but itself..." -flj Tasha Newton - ICU President 1999-8000 ".The NUS will cost us tens of thousands of pounds a year, money which won't be spent on our clubs and societies..." Hamish Common - ICU President 2000-1 "...I will be voting no to the NUS - it's the worst thing that could possibly happen to us—" Sen Ganesh - ICU President 2001-2 imperial college union nus referendum march 14th - 15th 2002 find out more at union.ic.ac.uk/no2nus coffee break

GFQQ - The Great Felix Quote Quiz by Bobby Cyclops & Dr. Hot Fudge

THE PENULTIMATE GFQQ Number of players: 65 Bumper GFQQ, bumper GFQQ! Look at all this space, enough space to be free to tell jokes The Leader Board - top 15 without the threatening end of the text-box looming up on me! Enough jokes, you've prob- Name Score ably had enough. Prizes! The main topic of conversation regarding prizes is a really good Simon North 139 DVD player - Fudge and Myself will go out soon with our £300 and find you the best one Christopher Dent 135 we can get hold of. Note - there are NO prizes for second or third place: losers have no Anthony Rodriques 134 place at the Fudge Ranch! This week we have a whole range of quotes for you, hopefully Chris Ince 133.5 some quite obscure ones which will tax our top players to the limit. Daniel Sauder 127.5 I have been recommended for my own safety not to give any more controversial Star John Anderson 126.5 Wars questions, but I believe that our readers are mature or at lest restrained enouqh not Andrew Ince 113.5 to take the answers too seriously. So next week, when the controversial answers are pub- Michael Simonds 104.5 lished please don't flood our mail-box with ranting, just accept the truth. Fred Marquis 100.5 Bobby Cyclops Chris Toffis 71 Answers to last week's quotes: Rebekah Hymas 62.5 1. Christopher Walken/Vmcenzo Coccotti - True Romance Arosha Bandara 61 2. Morgan Freeman/Ellis Boyd Redding - The Shawshank Redemption Gregory Mann 59.5 3. Jean Reno/Vincent - Ronin Geoff Lay 58 4. Kurtwood Smith/Clarence Boddicker - Robocop Kim Randell 58 5. John Candy/Spike Nolan - Brewster's Millions Answers to [email protected] or to Bonus, (a point for each) Wangdoodles, Hornswogglers, Snozzwangers and rotten the Felix Office - West Wing Basement, Vernicious Knids (One extra point for pointing out film/book disparities). Beit Quad. r lis- A

Bonus Question 1. In the new T3 film, Arnie has taken a pay-cut - what are his reasons? Part-Time Shop Staff Bonus Question 2. What is the name of the myth- Needed ical text that the entire Star Staff needed to work in the Wars saga is rumoured to be taken from? Shop and Newsagent. Many variable hours available. Bonus Question 3. What is the full title of the Thundercat's primary nemesis £4.10 per hour plus benefits. (and his dog)? Training provided. Bonus Question 4. Which cartoon character's Please stop by the Shop and ask for the Manager. motto is "We will put out the Email: [email protected]. fires of evil"? shop Bonus Question 5. How was the light-sabre sound made in the 'original' three Star Wars movies? Work for yourself. Work at the Union...... and make a difference to your social life. break coffee

GFQQ - The Great Felix Quote Quiz by Bobby Cyclops & Dr. Hot Fudge

1. "Duck! Or You're gonna be talking outta your ass!"

2. "That's a real bad hat, Harry."

3. "You shouldn't drink and bake."

4. "Tell them there's something in the city that feeds on wishes - but tell them soon...while you still have a soul!"

5. "That's me: jerking off in the shower."

6. "It was about a year ago, I was out in the woods having sex with my sis-1 mean girl- friend..."

7. "If you give me any of that juris-my dick-tion crap, you can cram it up your ass."

8. "First rule of government spending: why build one when you can build two at twice the price?"

9. "I am not an animal! I am a human being! I am a man!"

10. "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" l\."That's me - I've been swimming in raw sewage: I love it!"

12. "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."

13. "Farle, Farle, Farle, Farle, Farle, Farle....Ah-far!"

14. "Sword of Omens, give me sight beyond sight!"

15. "If that asshole is still mopping the floor tomorrow, you'll be doing it all next week!"

16. "Move right hand across left breast now. Move right hand across left breast now...Holy Shit!"

17. "I would like to talk to youuuuuuuuu about the thiiiiiiiiings that you say in the show!!!"

18. "Is you is, or is you aint my constituency?"

19. "You mathematical prick!"

20. "You want a Pepsi, you're gonna have to pay for it!" coffee break

Crossword by Dr. Hot Fudge

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Across Down

9. 7. I. Greek royal and bear 1. Ceiling support made are in the best seats? by Clark, perhaps. (5) 10. 11. (10) 2. Gabriel take a right 6. Strong chop induces then switch left! (9) collapse (4) 3. Betraying two zebras?

12. 13. 10 on account of end- (6-8) less wager on the root 4. Doctored unfinished of the problem. (7) pact by short bloke. (7) II. Horrible task goes 5. Confused uncle gets 14. 15. 16. over very quietly in us the central part. (7) helicopter. (7) 7 Collar made from hol- 12. Eastern lady displays lowed out label filled 17. 18. 19. 20. shoulder piece. (9) with penny. (5) 13. Flip top at party to 8. Convert salesman, the reveal male substitute. ex-showman. (9)

21. 22. 23. 24. (5) 9. Their fools fled off to 14. After a shit, I see rea- Beelzebub! (4, 2, 3, 5) son. (5) 14. Liberal topless 15. To deny is to show rangers get the scraps. 25. 26. contempt for a compa- 0) ny, we hear. (9) 16. List one, no five, 17. Disciples give ring left English that are con- 27. pa in roses, perhaps. (9) servative. (9) 20. Vacuum cleaner miss- 18. Ban leave after pub Answer to 1230 - Across: Broken Hearted, Recur, Petroleum, Leeches, es nothing in float. (5) backs up european Rainbow, Extenuate, Sitar, Disentomb, Archaic, Shih-Tzu, Treadmill, 21. Old age sibling finds a member. (7) Hyoid, Skateboarders. place of peace. (5) 19. Crash caused by sec- Down: Orchestra, Earthen, Hypes, Attorneys, Tropics, Dweeb, 23. Meetings thin out in ond grapple gets dis- Homeward Bound, Rollercoaster, Addictive, Two-Stroke, Grandma, prisons. (9) qualified. (4-3) Neither, Chefs, Salvo. 25. Out on ear after the 22. Editor seen penetrat- Spanish girl. (7) ing woman in leather! Another week, another crossword. I'm trying to make it a bit harder 26. Womble gets nothing (5) these days as it's nearing the end of term, so hopefully you might find right in circular com- 24. Clean up South this weeks offering a little tricky, or maybe it's just a pile of wank -1 don't pany. (7) Carolina - it belongs to know. Last week's winner is Emlyn Corrin, Physics. Nice one. Another 27. Charge sleep at canal. us! (5) bumper GFQQ for you lucky wee scamps this week. It seems that some (4) of our mam players are achieving local celebrity status. Anthony 28. Fortune teller sees Rodrigues, for example, has been attracting groupies, enticing random smoke at hospital, for girls into his sordid, sexual web of quizzery. Personally, I fully endorse instance at casualty. this kind of behaviour, and encourage all you fudge-packers to exploit (10) the situation while you can. Spread the love. Dr. Hot-Fudge Get ready for the Easter Party!

Two floors of Cun and frolics.

Admission £5 / Friday, March 22

The first 250 tickets sold will receive either Bunny-Tails and Ears or a Bow Tie.

Tickets available in advance from the Union Reception, first floor Union Building, from Monday, March 11.

Prizes provided by Odeon Cinema, High Street Kensington, for the Best Fancy Dress Costumes.

Jelly Belly jelly beans and a token for PEBE shot of Bacardi and choice of mixer will be distributed on the door.

imperial college union club active

Firsts victorious over UCL

UCL I 2 3 IC I This appeared to spur IC on had finished for UCL. Within he rounded the centre back and they began to make the minutes, the UCL right before firing a left foot (what It was going to be a battle of most of the wind and slope. A winger hitting a curling left else?) shot past the UCL truly gladiatorial proportions. free kick came close, and foot shot from the edge of the keeper. 2-2 and game on Imperial, with a very poor Forsythe steered the ball box that evaded the best again. It was now the turn of start to the season going wide from in front of goal efforts of keeper Vasquez. 2-1 IC keeper Vasquez to do his away to the current league after a cross from the left. down, uphill and into the bit for the cause - a series of leaders and joint favourites Nevertheless IC continued to wind - a whole big world of fantastic clean saves kept IC for the cup. Still, all that did- push forward, but quality trouble. in it, and with ten minutes n't really matter did it? The chances were at a premium. A period of UCL pressure left a Storbacka through ball conditions, as usual for On the stroke of half-time IC, came to nothing, however, found Forsythe, who prompt- Shenley, involved a soggy spurred on by coach and IC began to get the ball ly found the back of the net pitch, force 10 gale, and just Cardines, pressured the UCL on the deck and stroke it with his right foot. 3-2, come to spice things up - no refer- left back by his own corner around. Mark Curry, an earli- on! And so it was down to the ee. So it was that IC kicked flag who was forced into a er replacement for Anis, defence for the barrage that with the wind and down the backpass to his keeper - mis- heard his hamstring do some- was to come. Ant Senner was hill in the first half. take No.l. Mistake No. 2 thing nasty and was prompt- amazing, as was Joe After an even start, a involved the keeper air-kick- ly carried off. Nick Jones was McMahon and what they did- momentary lapse of concen- ing at the ball and watching also substituted, giving n't cut out was dealt with by tration at the back allowed it dribble over his own line, Anthony Senner and Seb Cowley, Bureau and of course UCL in behind the IC before smashing it into the Storbacka a chance. Seb - Vasquez. After an eternity, defence, and suddenly it was back of his own net in anger began to run at the UCL the final whistle blew and the 1-0. A goal down, and playing and frustration. defence and with half an hour league leaders were out - against the wind and this tie The second half started as to go, his efforts paid off. well the cup isn't the cup just got a whole lot tougher. badly for IC as the first half Taking the ball on the bounce these days without IC is it?

Bowling Oxford Tour

The IC Tenpin Bowling Club der final, whilst Jez qualified The official Oxford Tour began that kind of night!). Chips and recently attended the annual in fourth. on a sunny, blue skied garlic mayo ended the night, ULU Masters event, a Scratch Jez beat Trevor to a place in Saturday morning. With a lit- unfortunately for Saz and not and Handicap singles tourna- the 2nd place match, which he tle help from Anna's bacon so regrettably for others, with ment open to all ULU bowlers. unfortunately lost and so fin- butties and Tina's not so dan- Tina's night time companion It proved a very successful ished in third, with a trophy gerous driving we arrived in being a TV, which obviously day, with IC bringing home 10 for the highest game of the Oxford feeling ugly enough to doesn't object to garlic! of the 13 trophies on offer. day (215). play the Oxford seconds Sunday's game was crazy, The first round saw Tim In the Scratch section, Kevin Despite the lashing hail with defence playing attack Harbour and Gray Johnston easily saw off his first oppo- stones and fierce winds, a and attack and mid field qualify in first and second nent but was not good enough recovering ankle and a bout of mixed up all over the shop place in the Scratch division, to defeat Gray, who pro- viral meningitis among the (god we're such jokers!), we with Jez and Trevor qualifying gressed to the final to meet team, the IC "freezing ugly pulled off a good score of 5-3! first and third in the Handicap Tim. Four consecutive strikes bitches" gave the Oxford's sec- After some not so delicious division. A further 9 IC stu- in the final frames saw Tim onds team and a half a good shandies from St Catheriine's dents also qualified further come back and magnificently game. we made our way home, via a down the rankings. take the title with a 189 game. The game ended 2-0 to the Guinness and some crisps, Tim and Gray then pro- Tim also took home the High mighty Oxford seconds, but and the weekend was almost gressed to the stepladder final Scratch Average trophy, and we'll have them next year! The perfect! in first and second place, with Dany and Ally picked up the evening fun began with hall We might not be ugly Kevin keeping up his good Ladies High Game and Ladies dinner with Sunday's opposi- enough to beat the Oxford form to take the fourth place. High Average awards in the tion, St Catherine's. We did IC seconds, but we sure can In the Handicap section, Scratch and Handicap section, proud, and totally ruled the shake our toosh on the dance Trevor won two of his matches respectively. dance floor, guys were falling floor! to seed him 3rd in the steplad- Chris at our feet (no literally! -it was Sarah club active

Stop The Pigeon

The Imperial College Rifle our way to our rooms for some radic snowing our spirits were our way to the clubhouse to and Pistol Club made its way "serious preparation" for the high; the poor conditions receive our scores: to the battlefields of the next day. brought all the teams to an The A-team did well with a BUSA Clay Pigeon Shooting We crawled out of our beds even footing. The competition total score of 171 giving them Competition to test its mettle red eyed and bushy tailed consisted of 7 traps releasing a 12th place out of 41, while the against the other British uni- Saturday morning, although total of 50 clays per person B team arrived in 22nd posi- versities. some had fallen asleep on the (200 clays per team!) and a tion. The C team, came 29th Friday 22nd February, having floor amongst the previous hundred bird flush. Each per- with their score of 101, and finished all our lectures and night's detritus. With only a son from a team shot each of finally, the Ladies' team, shot a packed our bags we met at quick stop at Tesco's for break- the 7 traps, and the scores of score of 72, giving them 39th Southside at 6pm. Only one fast, we proceeded to the each individual were totalled place, although they came 6th person didn't show up (Koichi BUSA competition grounds. to get the team score. In the out of all the ladies' teams. "may his name for ever be We arrived as the sky dark- immensely enjoyable, but chal- Special mention must be Damned" Tanaka), but Phil was ened and storm clouds started lenging, hundred bird flush the given to Guy as he got one of available to take his place in to unload their cargo of snow entire team stood in a row as a the top 5 best individual scores short notice. And so, to the and sleet upon us. The muddy 100 clays were launched over in the whole competition. theme of The A-Team scream- field we parked our vehicles in their heads. The whole team If you think your good ing from the minibus' speakers, rapidly turned into a scene opened fire and tried to shoot enough, if no one else can help we left on the 4 hour trip to the from a Christmas postcard; all as many of the clays as possi- you and if you can find us in Travellodge in Telford where of us looking like snowmen! ble! The score from the flush the rifle range in the IC Sports we would be spending the We sought refuge in the club- was added to the team's score Centre (Wednesday and night before the competition. house from the blizzard, with giving a total out of 300. Saturday afternoons), maybe We arrived in Telford some only a cup of tea to warm us. At the end of the afternoon, you can join the Rifle Club. time after 10pm and we made Despite high winds and spo- our shooting over, we made Anthony Meisner

Foiled Again!

Overall this year we came top Cambridge were an excep- of the south eastern league by tionally strong team, with six three points. This is a fantas- players to our three just for tic achievement and the first starters! In the epee, the three time since I have been cap- internationals outclassed our tain. Both Leucha and Witolda team who are not strictly have improved a great deal epeeists, so we lost 45-31. this year and this really However in the foil we man- showed in the matches with aged to hold our own to obtain some well executed hits. a deserved win. Unfortunately Sadly one of our usual play- this was not enough for an ers, Camille, was unable, to overall victory. Although we make many of the matches were losing initially in the foil, due to a most unfortunate Katherine (captain) managed knee injury, however she was to pull the score up to 30-29 able to fence in the final from the losing 18-25. This MII 1160ml) match against UCL which gave the whole team the pepsi with every secured our victory in the impetus to carry on the win- league. ning streak. The final foil score was 45-40. This retains our £2.75 lunch special IC Ladies 76 85 Cambridge record of only losing one foil match this term, and this was imperial Having won the league we against Reading who, again, college then drew Cambridge for the had many internationals in union last sixteen match. their team. — Cafe bar — CATERING club active

Medics Emerge Victorious

IC Medics 22 17ICI were 17-3 in the lead. The ref- going to be repeated and that coming on at half time made a eree made some bizarre deci- without passion and hard significant difference to the This game should have been sions in this half most notably graft IC would be the victors. offensive line. The game was the final with both teams when he ruled out a Medics The second half began with still tightly in the balance (15- favourite for the title. Imperial try claiming that the player's an immediate change in the 17) IC clearly did not want to Medics by their own admis- foot had passed the dead ball Medics momentum a long kick lose the match and held on for sion have had a disappointing line, this was further com- from scrum half, James Logan, 10 minutes before finally their season and for the first time pounded by a yellow card to was chased down by Nnamdi resolve gave way. Hani Abdel- next year will find themselves the player for apparent Obi resulting in a 5 metre Hadi in his less familiar scrum in the same league as IC so overindulgent language. The throw-in to the Medics and a half role spotted on overlap on this game was an important rest of the first half was fairly subsequent forwards try by the left of the pitch this was gauge as to how they will fare nip and tuck but the Medics Ben Spiegelberg (with a little exploited resulting in a final in 2002-2003, especially as IC backs gained in confidence help from Dimitri Amiras). This try on the touchline for Will finished second in their throughout and after a tenta- proved to be the spark that Mellior. James Morris then league. tive start began to come to the was much needed in the team slotted the conversion to bring ascendancy. The forwards the score to 22-17, with only 3 The match kicked off amid and from that moment on the were fairly evenly matched minutes left the Medics were glorious sunshine on a pristine Medics raised their game, with IC exerting pressure in able to hold their position and pitch at Teddington. IC were with IC unable to maintain the scrums and Medics domi- remained in the IC half until obviously very fired up for the possession due to hard tack- nating the lineouts. the final whistle was sounded. match and within the first 5 ling and dominant forward minutes were a try up after The half-time whistle blew loose play. It was only a mat- The match was played to a some poor defending out with the scoreline very much ter of time before another try high standard and IC proved wide. IC were to increase this in IC favour. The medics was scored and this was worthy opponents. Imperial lead shortly after with 2 more realised that last years achieved by the individual Medics look forward to the fix- tries and so after 20 minutes resounding victory was not brilliance of Nnamdi Obi who tures next season with them.

Live sport IC Virgins on the BIG SCREEN We drove to Guildford in the Forward of the match goes Saturday 8th March spangly minibus driven by to Dappy, for her good stuff at snotty-posh with stunning number eight, and her consis- Harlequins v London Irish 2.15pm driving. Our beautiful head tent support throughout the Newcastle v Arsenal 5.30pm coach, Dave, met us with his match. Back of the match goes home-brew creation, which to Alexis for her first try and mm was evil/lush. The match was slinky moves. Huy Ealing was kwality, and all the training nominated for player of the finally paid off, seeing the for- match by the opposition. Fair 4pm wards doing rolling mauls, play: she had to drink the and the backs their slinky rankest dirty half yard I've WBA v Fooitam 7pm moves. Tries were scored by seen in my twenty years. Gem (x2 due to the good shag- Fresher gets a mention for her Wednesday 13th March ging she's getting), Kate questionable taste on the Man Utd v Bayern 7.45pm (slinky roll off a maul), Helen dance floor last Wednesday, of (driving over the line and huge course she knew what she celebration for her first try), was doing. and Alexis (also a Virgin try: The ref gets a special men- iter® v nJrorf®®B capital job). tion for having been in Credit goes to Hui Ling for Hollyoaks. He was head of nearly scoring three tries, but Hollyoaks community college: Sunday 17th March never managing to convert her the one who was shagging Leeds v Blackburn 2pm pazzaz into points. Hannah, Ruth. Oh yes, we mix with the battling against the elements, classiest celebs... >co!Sl Villa v Arsenal 4pm managed one conversion. Kate union BARS