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8 if Issue March 1139 1999

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST. 1949

The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College Seven Year Wait For Clayponds Over?

After a wait of over five years, it seems that next five years, which would cover the the residents of Clayponds Hall may finally By Ed Sexton cost of the hall. This proposal has had a get a Village Hall. Currently the hall has no mixed reception. According to Ms Christer common social area, and the construction Danny Segal (who was unavailable at the "there seems to be a general feeling that the students "arc perfectly willing to do it, of a separate building to house a common time of writing), started a project to get a the Estates people are pretty apathetic as long as it has what they want in it." Many room has been rejected by college in pre 'village hall' built for Clayponds. According towards us, viewing us as out of sight, out object to the move on principle, with one vious years. However, It seems that the hall to Jason Bain, who has lived at Clayponds of mind." warden describing as a "rather ugly prece will be built only if residents agree to a sur for over five years, "there arc many people Accrodingto Ian Caldwell, the Director dent". Mr Bain described the proposal as charge being added to their rent to cover in college, for whatever reason, don't want of Estates, the proposed building would "ridiculous", stating "the residents at Clay the cost. the common room built." Certainly little cost no more than £75,000 - a small ponds should not be singled out to pay for Clayponds is a community of over progress has been made in that time - the amount when compared to other college Ihis facility." He went on to explain that "the three hundred students, both undergrad project has been discussed in college com projects. As the building is part of a resi situation with the common room is one of uates and postgraduates, consisting of mittees, such as the wardens' sub-com dence, however, it would have to be many factors which has lead me to resign flats within several houses. The entire site mittee and the Rector's Committee on funded from the residences account. This from the position of Assistant Warden." was a residential development that was Student Residences, proposals have been is the crux of the problem - every year David Hellard has made clear his opinion bought by the college part way through its put forward, and the matter has then been these funds have been allocated to pro is similar; "I can't believe College can be so construction, and has since been turned quietly forgotten about. As current warden jects deemed to be more important. petty". There is a glimmer of hope for Clay into what is inappropriately called a vil MarkTyrer put it, "everybody thought it was Indeed, Mark Tyrer was told by college ponds, however; Mr Caldwell cautiously lage. Inappropriately because Clayponds a good idea, but nothing happened". that "there isn't the funds available". Mr stated that there "might be the potential to has never had any social area or common Apparently some members of college have Caldwell did say, however, that he "could find some funding from somewhere else room; Joanne Christer, a subwarden at suggested that not all the students at Clay see the students' view", stoically stating "I I other than students' rent]". Mark lyrer Clayponds, described the TV room as "a ponds want the hall to be built, an accu build what I'm told to build". summed up the current situation succinctly,- garage with a few seats in it". sation that student representatives deny. The latest plan appears to be to add "there is no reason why it couldn't be built Thus in 1992 the then new warden, One senior student at the hall commented 90p onto Claypond's weekly rent for the this summer."

Medics Retain Hospitals Cup Inside.. m

IC School of Medicine have once again however, lapses in concentration coupled LGttGrS - More moaning 6 confirmed their place as one of the top stu By David Roberts with a few missed tackles saw GKT charge dent rugby sides in the country, after win down the field to notch up their first try and Editorial - Clayponds 7 ning the prestigious UH Cup for a second narrow the gap to eleven points, this sud successive year. den impetus produced an immediate shot Columns-SOYearsOn 8 A final scorellne of 21-12 over fellow of adrenaline to GKT, who came alive with newcomers GKT (formerly Guys. Kings and a burst of powerful play. A penalty try, Comic Relief 12 Thomas' Medical Schools; now part of awarded for "repeated infringements" was Kings College) was the minimum the team their reward, and the gap became just Competition 12 deserved after a performance which, in four points. But, with the lension now run truth, was superior to the opposition in ning incredibly high, ICSM's superiority ArtS - Guys & Dolls 14 almost every department. In particular, shone through. A brilliant period of play ICSM's set-piece play saw them pressurisng saw the ball pass through the hands of vir BOOkS-HotSex 17 GKT at every oppourtunity, thanks to utter Photo: Dave tually every back, before finally being domination in the line-out and fine work touched down in the corner, the crowd Film - Life is Beautiful 18 with the boot from Ian Macleod at full the score up to 13-0. Attempting to fight went wild and poured onto the pitch; with back. back, GKT momcntarilly moved out of their ICSM nine points in the lead and less lhan Clubscene - GUS GUS we 20 An early penalty from ICSM was fol half, but good cover work coupled with five minutes to play, the result was no lowed up with fifteen minutes during decisive kicking saw off the threat, and longer in doubt. The game resumed, but MUSiC - Beverly Knight 22 which the ball never seemed to leave another Macleod penalty on the stroke of a couple of minutes later the referee blew GKT's 22. This non-stop pressure had to pay half-time pushed the lead oul to sixteen for time, and ICSM Captain Ben Carpenter Games-PoolShark 25 off, and eventually a well worked back- points. stepped up to collect the historic trophy. move rolled off a lineout and saw the ball After the interval, both teams came ICSM Scorers: SpOft - Inter Departmental 26 put down between the posts. The con out looking to play a more expansive Tries.- James Piatt, Alistair Morris version, coupled with a penalty which game, which saw the ball rush from one Penalties: Ian Macleod (3) Diversions - Ihc next 7 days 27 resulted from relentless ICSM pressure put end of the pitch to the other. Eventually, Conversions: Ian Maclcod (1) 2 News 8 March 1999 Ince Inflates Food Fees

Food prices in the ICU catering outlets - Da catering from other Union funds, advo Vinci's, dB's, the Wednesday and Friday bar By Gareth Morgan cated by the DP (l&S) candidates at the hus becue and the Union Bar - look set to rise tings, is "not a good idea." issue 1139 from today by about ten percent across the the opening of the baguette bar in dB's the move has received a generally board. This will mean that curries are now have had an effect. The final straw however negative reaction from students however. 8 March 1999 £1.20, and a main meal will be around was an L-U directive entitling part-time work Responses ranged from "fuck off" to com £2.50. The policy was decided on by the ers to holiday benefits, or in the case of ICU plaints that the food was supposed to be Editor: Ed Sexton Union Trading Committee, and approved staff, a six percent lump sum paid every 13 a service for students. One Union figure Assistant Editor & Films: David Roberts by Council on Tuesday. weeks. questioned the marketing of the catering News Editor: Andrew Ofori The reasoning behind this move is Although every effort was made to outlets though: if trade could be brought in Music Editors: Dennis Patrickson that the outlets are currently running at a reduce the losses, the price rises were the from the College outlets then the problems & Jason Ramanathan massive loss - expected to be around twenty "last resort" according to a member of the could be solved. Better advertising on cam Arts & Books Editor: Helena Cocheme thousand pounds by summer. There arc Trading Committee, who went on to add, pus could help to achieve this. Games Editor: Gary Smith several factors influencing this loss. Biol "We really had no other option. Catering On a lighter note, Council approved a Clubscene: Giles Morrison, ogy's move to the BMS (with its College-run was budgeted to break even this year, but pay rise of five pence per hour for Union Gurminder Marwaha &Joel Lewis cafe), and increased staffing costs due to it's making a huge loss." Subsidising the staff, bringing their wages to £3.70 an hour. Sports Editor: Gus Paul Bike Thieves Arrested Connolly in Drag

A man has been arrested information concerning the after attempting to steal a By Ed Sexton men is restricted, but Ken By David Roberts bicycle from College Weir, Chief Security Officer, premises. Three other men were also is hopeful that "this is one of the groups detained at the scene. It is believed that that have been targeting us", reiterating his the four may be one of the 'gangs' that belief that the majority of bike theft at the has been targeting Imperial College for college is carried out by organised gangs. bike theft in recent years. Although Recent news stories and letters sent pleased with the men's capture, Chief to Felix have reopened the bike theft Security Officer Ken Weir warned cyclists debate. In response to last week's Felix, to be vigilant, and outlined some ways in Ken Weir made several points. Fie agreed which students and staff can help prevent that cameras were not as effective as the crimes. la*"*!' lkJkdAif , ; people tended to

I he incident ^Mj£jKj^^ClW MM I k lit ill began when security "~.»?^'5?^fts* V*S *35^*'3ir. because students guards noticed three and staff park their men acting suspi smmbike s wherever is ciously outside Bio convenient for chemistry at around them and, as he put Photo: Steve The cream of Electrical Engineering strut their funky stuff 2pm on Thursday 25 it, "we cannot put

February. The men cameras every Following up on the success of the Chem struck true with members of all depart walked off campus where". Carol Lo's ical Engineering Revue on 2 I ebruary ments. Later in the first half, five intrepid towards Queen's advice [see letters, (Felix 1135), the Electrical Engineering students took to the stage to give a Felix 11381, to use Gate, and were chal show attracted an audience of around (thankfully mimed) rendition of the Spice an old bike and lenged by security at 100 students and staff when the curtain Girls. Sadly, carefully choreographed remove the saddle the junction of was raised on 25 I cbruary. dance routines seemed to have been for when leaving it Queen's Gate and The Revue, organised by the gotten, in favour of random movements unattended, was Imperial College Department of Electrical Engineering Soci across the stage. However, nothing could A dying breed, applauded by Mr Road. The men, who Photo: Rachel ety, included a dozen or so acts covering prepare the audience for what was to fol thanks to security Weir. all spoke with a Liv the broad spectrum of "entertainment" - low: after a quick change Reuben erpudlian accent, Mr Weir stated from satirical swipes at senior staff to returned to the stage to perform a re refused to produce identity cards or say that he would very much like to hear from musical numbers from Guilds President worded version of Robbie Williams 'Mil whether they were members of the col any student who has any ideas on how to Reuben Connolly (pictured above). Also lennium' - this time entitled 'Engineering'. lege. Security then requested police assis combat bike theft; letters should be included on the bill were acts from staff, In comparison to the painful quality of his tance. While waiting for the police, a addressed to Mr Ken Weir, Chief Security including departmental legends Bob backing singers, he looked like the fourth man appeared from the campus Officer, Shcrfield Building. Emails can be Spencc and Peter Cheung, who fortu embodiment of Mr Williams himself. with a mountain bike. One of the original sent to [email protected]. Although he nately seemed equally happy to send The first show of its kind in the could not guarantee he would respond to three shouted "Run, the police are com themselves up. department for several years, it was every letter, he did say he was open to stu ing!" The man attempted to escape on the Amongst the other highlights of the hailed as a triumph by coordinator Sanela dent opinion. In the mean time, if you sus bike but was accosted by a security guard show was Gary Smith's rendition of Hodzic. Of course, the high attendance pect a theft is in progress, find an internal and a member of the Estates division. "demonstrator training", which included had nothing to do with the free beer on phone and dial 4444 (the college's emer The police arrested him on arrival. As the classes on student confusion, avoiding offer. Or the suggestion that past papers gency number). incident is still part of a police investigation, the question and confabulation - and would only be on sale after the Revue...

relix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL www.su.ic.ac.uk/relix E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Flatton Square, 16 - 16a Baldwins Gardens, London LC1N 7RJ relix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040-0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board. Copyright © Felix 1999. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. 8 March 1999 News 3

In brief... Security Alert to New

dents continues to grow. Both Tower CCU Presidents To Records and Ernest Jones on High Street Working Week Kensington now offer a 10% discount on Pay Rent production of a Union Card or Swipe Card. As a quick reminder, IC students Turbulent times lay ahead put a contract out to tender CCU presidents will no longer live rent- are also entitled to the following dis for college security as a By Andrew Ofori was defeated by the mag free in Halls for the first two terms, after counts: 10% off at: Hifek, Top Gun, Lon- recent turopean directive nitude of opposition. This a motion passed by Council last Tuesday. domDallas Pizza and Pasta (if over £10 is set to reform their working week and lead lo the introduction of shift work, Although they still have the option of a a head), Kensington Leather, Market consequently their contracts. and put an end to the 48 hour week col room in Halls, they will have to pay for Leather, Blazer, Jeans West, SON- Designed to "protect the health and lege security had previously operated. it. Under the previous system, they AKcnsington, Blacks, YHA Advenlure safety of workers" the new regulations set "We don't feel we should lose any would buy beer for barnights with the Shop, 1 hr Photos, footlights (Food a maximum working week of 48 hours, thing, but I should imagine we arc going money they saved on rent - a legally only). Plus: Tumblers (15% off food); placing the responsibility of compliance lo" was the prediction from one security dubious area since the Union cannot The Studio (25% off cuts) and I lair at with the employer, irrespective of how officer as he explained the apprehen subsidise alcohol. The move also stands Fairy (£1 off a cut and 10% off anything many companies an individual may work sion of his contemporaries. Another offi |to save the Union in excess of £5000. else). for. The directive, which came into force cer warned "If they only pay 48 hours... on October 1 1998, goes on to describe they could end up with a mass exodus". a stringent set of working practices includ Ihe Chief of Security, Ken Weir, is Football Fracas Imperial Earns It ing regular rest periods and free health researching into exactly which of the reg assessments for night staff. The college is ulations applied to his staff and felt offi

The IC football Seconds face discipli Ifs official - Imperial College is the his currently in contravention of the legisla cers had little to worry about al such a nary action this week after an alleged est-earning institution in the United tion, with many security staff working 72 preliminary stage of the reforms, but con incident on a train returning from a Kingdom. A report in The Times Higher hours a week; but as Government ceded "Ihe 48 hour working week is likely recent match in Plymouth, which took Education supplement reveals that the approval came only a few weeks before to adversely affect the securtiy staff". He place on 24 February. Complaints were College's total income for 1998 was over implementation, employers have been slated he is "currently looking al several received by College from the train oper £309 million, topping both Oxford and given a temporary respite. ways in which we can overcome our legal ator suggesting that a group of IC stu Cambridge. A complete set of figures Categorised as "self-determining" aca obligations that were laid by the working dents had vandalised a train carriage, will be published in the annual Noble's demic staff arc exempt from the mea time directive", explaining "We've got no ncluding "breakages, abusive behav Higher Educational Financial Yearbook sures as they have autonomy over their legal choice, we have to make reforms." iour, and vomiting". The reason for this to be released later this spring. working hours, the college has been Keith Reynolds, Head of Security con behaviour was put down to "extreme aware of the working time regulations for curred: "Whether wc like it or not, we're nebriation". some time, but chose to wait for all going to have to re-structure to some According to sources close to the You Must Be Joking exemptions to be finalised in the hope degree...we're not going to be able to team, the students involved are admit that security staff would be unaffected, please everybody all of the time", but he ting that their actions did cross the line, Imperial students coming in to classes the situation has still not been clarified, saw the alterations as a chance to create but will ask to be treated sympathetically everyday from afar on the London but the college musl now face the task of a better system. as this would be their first offence. Underground no longer need complain balancing staff wages with reduced work Any proposals will be subject lo of fatigue and intense boredom brought ing hours. Michael Saul, security's Unison extensive consultation with college on by the blandest of carriage sur Representative, saw the benefits of the departmcnls as well as organisations such A Momentary Lapse roundings, or so say Nintendo, provided new regulations commenting "Ifs a good as the I lealth and Safety Executive and their plans to improve conditions on thing, it stops employers exploiting their the final decision lies with the Manage- of Confidence? the tube go ahead. workers", but went on to say "the prob menl Planning Group. Security's Mr Saul Nintendo have delivered plans to fit lem is security are lowly paid, the only way was convinced "they'll [college] approach Royal School of Mines Union President the new trains to go on the Jubilee Line to make the job sustainable is overtime." it in a sensible way" and Ken Weir assured: Alistair Fox attempted to pass a motion with Nintendo Gameboy colour con 1992 saw the last major upheaval in "the security of the college is not going of no confidence in DP (C&S) Marie soles, a move they hope will prove college security, where a proposal to dis to be compromised in anyway". Nicholoau at UnionCouncil last Tues benefial to commuters who suffer from pense with in-house security staff and day. This would, if passed, result in her high stress levels due to their long and dismissal from the post, and possibly the arduous journeys deep down in the re-running of the sabbatical elections, as bowels of the earth. The consoles are Mr Fox espressed dissatisfaction with apparently an "experimental look into CCU Elections Are Go! her performance as Returning Officer. provising commuters with mentally stim However, he did not follow the correct ulating ways to alleviate their boredom The dust has hardly set press Sancla Hodzic, Mat procedures (which require him to warn tled from the icu elec- By Gareth Morgan Collins and Marie the Chair in advance, so that evidence tions and already the Nicholaou were standing can be gathered on both sides) and University Challenge Constituent College Union elections arc for C&G President; a full list of candi the motion was rejected. Mr Fox upon us. dates lor ICSMU President was unavail intends to resubmit his motion at the The Imperial College trials for University Voting for the Royal College of Sci able. next Council, on 4 May, by which time Challenge will take place later this ence President and Vice Presidents for Gulix editor Dincsh Ganesarajah, the true motivations for his actions month, as previously announced. Inter finance and Clubs and Entertainments who has stood for the posts of bolh should have come to light. ested students arc invited to attend the takes place today and tomorrow, with RCSU and ICSMU President, has had trials, which will be held on Tuesday ballot boxes in all RCS departments. his nomination for the RCSU post the 16th of March in room 344 ol the There are two candidates for President: annulled, but his bid for the (sabbatical) More discounts Huxley Building at 6pm sharp. If you Will Bently (currently VP Finance) and ICSMl: job remains real. It remains to be wish to try out, please email James I arrar (editor of Boradshoet). seen whether Dinesh (last seen in a Thanks to the continuing efforts of ICU [email protected] in advance. Past trial quiz Election papers have come down fo desert, sporting sunglasses, and an Arab President Dave Hellard, the number of question sets can be found online at both ICSM Union, and City and Guilds head-dress) will be leading the Medics local stores offering discounts for IC stu http://www.lcparc.lc.ac.uk/~cah1/UC/ College Union. When lelix went to into tin - m A\ Millenium. News 8 March 1999 Railcards all-round Iraqis Out In Force

Campaigning work by institutions (who do not A strange sight con regime of human London's student Unions, By David Roberts have the capacity to fronted those of use By Brett Donovan rights violations aimed at extending the administer the scheme), wanting to access including the Iran- LT discount . Prince Consort Road on Saturday after Iraq war and the invasion of Kuwait. :: 1 h 6 scheme to . process noon. Several Actions cover all lllll will be hundred Iraqi Included students speeded protestors the burning seems to up by enveloped the ; - of pictures be paying utilising area to of Hussain off. one express their and Accord clearing grievances IL demonstra ing to ICU house regarding the . tors chant President (rather assassination 11 ing their Dave Hel than of Ayatollah ||. support for lard, Lon- ; :: .... sending Mohammed speakers.

:: all the Al Sadi at the .Some cam- Transport "have done a U-Turn in their info to one place, where it is opened, hands of Sad- ;=:: paigners stereotypes of what a student is". As a and stamped, before being sent on to dam I lussain. ,: arrived and result, mature students will probably be the next stage, as at present). In return, Ihe Physics ' departed by added to the scheme, and the cards however, the cost of the card will rise dene: i i 11 i coach to will become available to students to £3. being nearer continue whose studies continue through the This series of breakthroughs has the Iraqi their summer months (at present all cards come as a surprise to many leading the embassy, demonstra '44:':--' :-,:\ only run until 30 June). Weekly travel campaign - until recently LT had proved to be tion at cards will also be added to the seemed entrenched in their position, the most pop Trafalgar scheme. refusing to accept that mature and ular site for Square. Moreover, LT are looking to give post-grad students need help. How the protesters. Apart from Union's permission to issue and ever, a massive influx of letters of com Al-Sadr was the obvious administer the cards - which should put plaint, coupled with the support of the the Grand Ayatollah, the religious disruptions to the traffic, Imperial was an end to the incredible delays cur University Vice Chancellor seems to leader of Shia Muslims and was mur only slightly inconvenienced as one of rently experienced by many students. have tipped the scales. As Dave Hellard dered whilst giving a sermon. Ihe pro the entrances to the car-park was Similarly, for those students at smaller says, "It's looking very promising". testors campaigned against Hussain's blocked.

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www.su.ic.ac.uk/summerball Room to Party! WHERE WILL YOU BE LIVING IN 1999/2000?

YOUR ACCOMMODATION QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

Where to live Where to look

Paying the Rent _ Inventories

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A talk given by ULAO staff in association with the Private Housing Office

Date: Wednesday IT March Time: 5pm Place: Room 220, Mechanical Engineering 6 Letters 8 March 1999

Camborne Coverage of scientific research which shows that become increasingly difficult as the exam H G Wells founded Phoenix as the cannabis is also relatively harmless com season approaches. Anyone who thinks 'normal schools journal', and published Dear Felix, pared to the more socially acceptable they could compose a puzzle (it's not in it the first draft of his novel 'The Time drugs alcohol and tobacco, and that's in that hard) or would just like to help out Machine'. E H Hughes founded Felix and I am writing to comment on the space terms of its addictive properties, adverse please walk into the Felix office any time it is his name that is remembered in the allocation in Felix. On the 20th February, psychological and physiological effects, or e-mail. title of the newspaper. the Royal School of Mines played Cam and also general social problems (e.g. However, I make no apology for Salutations to you, borne (note the spelling). One would violence). making clues ridiculously obscure from expect this event to be well covered, The apparently harmful effects of time to time. Yours sincerely, since it is a major sporting event. In fact, cannabis are listed as though they are I was under the illusion that this was the facts, although the only reliable evidence Yours Tony de Reuck case, with the new Felix Editor, Dave currently available suggests that cannabis One time Editor of Phoenix Roberts covering the matches for us. may only slightly impair certain cognitive Nice thin and amusing Copy writer for Felix Imagine the surprise in the RSM then, functions after long term use, and may (aka Gnat Chum) RCS Physics 1947-51 when expecting a decent spread, there also slightly increase the incidence of was a brief report on the front page. On mouth cancer. These adverse effects Gnat Chum would also like to apologise Thank you kindly, sir, for solving the turning to the sports pages at the back, seem small to those accepted to be for not producing a crossword this week, enigma of the cat's origins, and giving us expecting further coverage I was caused by alcohol use, and certainly for wouldn't he? - Ed an Insight Into those early days. 1 suppose shocked to see that Fellwalklng had a tobacco use. I should reward you with a saucer of milk... whole half page. I would have thought And so what if 2 out of 5 people who or perhaps something stronger? - Ed that the remarkable achievement of com have used cannabis in the last year will pleting a whitewash for the first time have also tried another type of illegal The Origins of Felix ever over CSM would merit a proper drug? This is hardly surprising consider Deadline for letters is report, not a paragraph for each of the ing that anybody who wishes to use Dear Ed Sexton sports. I did not bother writing a rugby cannabis is forced to come into contact 12noon Wednesday. report, we won for the third consecutive with harder substances via their dealers. May I reminisce? year by the way, since one presumes that This seems to be the only gateway effect The familiar name used by the inti Letters may be edited the presence of a Felix reporter on the of soft drugs leading to harder drugs, and mates in the Links Club of the Founding touchline negates such things. It was this effect would be eliminated if Father of Felix, that is to say Ted (EH) for length, but will not great to have so many supporters pre cannabis was decriminalised. The respect Hughes, was "Felix" - where that came sent (perhaps the DP(C&S) missed the for the illegal status of harder drugs from no one knew, from his schooldays be altered in any other bus) and I hope you enjoyed yourselves. would also be restored if decriminalisa- perhaps. Felix Hughes, debonair, with a tion of cannabis occurred. dry wit and a satirical cast of mind, was way. Letters need not Yours truly, I'm not saying cannabis is wonderful a Guildsman and a Mechanical Engineer. and everyone should smoke it, its not a He would not have applied his own be signed, but a swipe Matthew Cockayne drug that suits everyone and like all recre name to the College Newspaper he RSMRFC Captain ational activities (e.g. drinking or gam founded in 1949, but F C Ewels (whom I card must be shown bling) its use requires a certain amount do not recall) urged its adoption as a I am very sorry you feel this way -1 had of self-discipline and sensibility. memorial to its founder and as an asso when submitting hoped that a front page mention would It's about time drug issues were nant genuflexion to its ancient cousin please the ACC and other sports clubs, as treated realistically, and drug users given Phoenix. anonymous letters. I suspect many of you consider me to be a little more respect and credibility. After Felix and Phoenix were rivals only for bias against your activities. Still, I'm sure all there is a difference between respon the services of the college literati. Dave will cover It fully when you win sible drug use, and drug abuse - believe Phoenix appeared once a term; it was next year. - Ed it or not. and still is the IC literary magazine, an outlet for essayists, poets, critics and Undergraduate Chemist artists. Felix was and still is a weekly newspaper of record with topical news Welfare Out of Touch I would like to say that I agree (almost) and views about events, societies and KEEP THE CAT FREE H EST. 1949 entirely with this letter. I didn't say any clubs. It was also dammed hard work and Dear Felix Editor, thing last week about the Welfare no doubt still is. The Week Ahead Newsletter, as I felt It was wrong to com Those who fancied writing in those I would like to complain about the ICU ment, but since someone else has days tended lo be members of IC Welfare Newsletter in last week's Issue of brought it up... - Ed Scriblerus Club (now defunct) named Felix which focuses on the use of ecstasy after the eighteenth century literary soci Games Meeting 12.30pm and cannabis. It seems that instead of ety of Pope, Swift and Addison. It was Film Meeting 1pm impartially providing the facts needed dedicated to satirising crimes and follies News & Photography Meeting 1.30pm for people to make informed lifestyle Gnat Chum Comes Out in the use and abuse of science, medi choices, this article has used the usual cine and technology; its tie bore a silver scaremongering techniques to scate Dear crossword doers quill on a blue background (I still have people away from drugs. I consider this mine). News Meeting 12pm irresponsible and unnecessary. I feel obliged to hold up my hand and We all collaborated with Ted Hughes Clubscene 12pm Firstly I question the statistic of 1 in admit that I have not been thorough to keep Felix supplied with copy and 12 having tried ecstasy in the UK, is this enough when checking my crosswords came to wield considerable political influ based on the entire population (includ for spelling and content. Please believe ence in the College - over refectory ing, say, the elderly), or perhaps more me when I say that there is noone more prices, for example, or the election of Phoenix Meeting 12pm realistically on a 'young' age range of dissappointed that I when a mistake is society officers. We all mucked in and maybe 15-25 year olds? printed on a Monday morning. At the found the pace very different in Felix Friday And secondly, why is cannabis moment I am the sole contributor of from Phoenix,- the experience of both crosswords to Felix. I try to get a cross described as being relatively harmless stood me in good stead when I later News Meeting 1.20pm word out every week but this will compared only to heroin? There is a lot went to edit Nature. Music Meeting 1.30pm 8 March 1999 Editorial & Small Ads

Clayponds' Village Hall of Clayponds would like to know. Anyone describes himself as "young at heart", reflecting the change in attitude that who wants to tell me who the culprits are and states that he "supports students inevitably results from drug use. This week, I have only one thing to say to over a quiet pint, I'm buying. enjoying themselves", but also believes Anyway, there's a pro-legalisation Sherfield - take Simon Baker's advice, and As for the suggestion of paying for it several hundred thousand pounds of plan march in London on May 1 (assuming the stop rejecting small and unfashionable with increased rent... I'm not sure. 90p a ning fees have been lost due to antisocial organisers aren't too stoned to hold it), projects on the grounds of saving funds. week is, what, about £30 a year? It isn't a behaviour from IC (or other) students. I and I daresay I'll see a good few of you Build the Clayponds Village Hall this sum lot of money, and if the students are would like to add that Ian Caldwell was there. mer. happy to pay it, then I say go ahead and very helpful when questioned about the "Ah-ha!" I hear you smug College let's get the damn thing built. We can Clayponds Village t lall. There you go, Ian Committee goers say, "It doesn't work argue about the ethics afterwards. And - what other editor, apart from maybe A Word of Warning like that! Every year we spend all the res argument there should be; charging res Joanna Lillcy, would devote so much idences' money on more important pro idents for new hall facilities sets a dan space in an editorial to you? Maybe I am There was a time, nol much more than a jects, such as making sure current halls are gerous precedent. How long before such losing my cynicism... decade ago, when Union hacks of any safe, pleasant, and not about to fall down. a move leads to students being charged description were nol allowed in the Felix You wouldn't want us to neglect student for essentia! but unexpected work, rather Office, and Felix club members were safety for the sake of a common room, than 'non-vital' projects such as that at You Are All Drug Addicts! viewed with suspicion in the confines of would you?" Of course not. The answer is Clayponds? the Union. In recent years this dividing line simple - give the residences pot some ...I'll tell you a thought I had during a par has withered away, and many of you more cash. We are talking 3% of the boat ticularly exciting neurology lecture last have probably noticed that I am more 'pro house's cost; less than half a percent of A Nice Word for Mr Caldwell year. People argue endlessly about Union' than my predecessor. I have even the BMS' bill. Sell off some of the excess whether certain drugs arc harmless, been called Dave Hellard's lap-dog, and granite from the flowerbeds, reduce some Have I lost my journalistic cynicism, I hear whether they affect your cognition, etc the voice of the Union, by some students. of the six figure salaries in Sherfield by a you cry? No, in fact it increases with every etc. Well, excuse me, but the hormones Well, it may not last. The Union has few percent, and you're half way there. issue, but I am a reasonable man. Mr and neurotransmitters that alter and, yes, been good this year, with a good sabb Don't like that idea? Oh, I am surprised... Caldwell emailed me a letter late last occasionally harm your mental make-up team, and has generally acted in a way At the end of the day the problem is Wednesday, which I assumed was not arc just as powerful as any 'artificial' drug. that I feel has directly benefited the stu Clayponds' location. It isn't a fashionable for publication given its informal tone. Like it or not, you see the world through dents of this college (which is my over-rid project, It isn't extravagant or likely to be Mr Caldwell would like to point out an ocean of powerful chemicals that con ing concern). I here arc things in the recognised as a great construction that it is not Estates' fault that the college stantly change how you perceive and pipeline, however... achievement. When the man or woman has difficulty getting planning permission respond to the outside world. So, master Hcllard and others, I'm who has blocked the hall's erection looks for projects. He would like to remind stu As for the drugs argument? I'm rapidly sorry if I offend any of you in the next four out of their Level 5 window in Sherfield, dents that activities that piss off our neigh coming to the conclusion that people months - please remember to separate they will not see a great glass tower bours, many of whom are influential on who have not taken a certain drug can professional criticism from personal prej gleaming in the sunlight. I don't know the local council, are likely to jeopardise never argue effectively with those who udices. And if anyone feels they have who that man or woman is, or possibly future college building plans, and thus have experienced it, simply because the been treated badly by ICU or college; men or women, but I think the residents waste college money. Mr Caldwell two groups start from different premises, Felix is your independent voice. - Ed

Programming Tuition Engineering Info Resources

Having trouble with your computing 9 March, 1-2pm NTIS Assistant Warden course? For private tuition by first class 11 March, 1-2pm ANTE IC computing graduate, call James on 16 March, 1-2pm INSPEC on 0181 378 5442 or email 18 Marhc, 1-2pm Metadex Clayponds Village [email protected] All take place in Central Library Level 5

Enthusiastic applicants are sought for the post of Bicycle Hospital City & Guilds Meeting Assistant Warden at Clayponds Village, from 1st April 1999. Clayponds is a community of 300+ students Low cost bicycle repairs, spares and Officers and members committee (PG8JJG) living in self-catering flats and houses and is sit- sales on campus. meeting. uated in Ealing. Duties will include assisting the Warden in Thursday 11th March, 5.30pm,-Guilds Call James on 0181 378 5442 or email the pastoral care of students, promoting social life and [email protected] Office (Mech Eng Room 340) good order in the village and some general administra- Papers to be submitted by 5pm Thurs tion. The successful applicant will live in a rent-free flat in the village and will normally be resident in Clayponds Modem for Sale Volunteers Wanted! throughout the year. Applicants must be full time mem- bers of College but the post would especially suit some- PCMCIA modem by Digicorp, Do you think your periods are heavy, one with experience of pastoral care and a desire to live and want to know more? in a student community. 28.8kB/s speed, brand new We are doing a study looking at why some and boxed women have heavier periods than others. For further information and an application form, contact The study involves a MRI of the uterus. Cathy Cumberland, Rector's Suite, Sherfield Building, e- comes with all hard and software mail to: [email protected] (sealed), includes some internet/mail If you would like find out more about software,£30, helping us with our study, then please Closing date for applications is Friday, 12th March 1999 call: Call 0171 244 8060 or email James on 07957 667889 Informal inquiries to Dr M Tyrer (Warden) [email protected] or Anne on 0171 886 1461 Dept Materials, ext 46800 e-mail [email protected] 8 March 1999 Right Angles To Reality The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth

he truth, as they say, is only half cent thought strikes me and Hedges, you might ulated date. According to Terry, it was Matt Salter the story. As a tender young inno as incredible. However, hazard a guess that Terry going to be a bit tight timewise but it Tcent, off school with 'flu and rel if social commentators is a builder. Spot on. I was by no means impossible. Thus, ishing the illicit pleasure of eating are to be believed, only a generation met him when he came to repair the spurred on by the thought of non- Shippham's pilchard and tomato paste ago the whole world was a much more house next door after a particularly sneeze-attable financial gain, brickies, sandwiches and watching daytime TV, moral, truthful and trusting place. Back raucous Tupperwarc party in 1997, and chippies and plumbers had buried their I was often confused as to why the when maps of the globe contained we instantly became friends. I hadn't professional differences and toiled witnesses appearing on 'Crown Court' more pink than any seen him since then away like mad things to make sure were asked to swear that the evidence other colour, a politi "...as rude until I bumped into that they got finished on time. The they were about to give was the truth, cian could refer to him quite by chance in superstructure of the building was the whole truth and nothing but the "polling the electorate" awakenings go, it our local, the Sheep soon up and the fittings and fixtures truth so help them God. To my at the without raising a smile and Speculum, the were well under way. As I have already time unsullied mind (I had yet to twig ,and scoutmasters were could have been a other Ihursday night. mentioned, each room in the facility the hidden meanings of the names of upright members of After much back-slap was to have an en suite bathroom the characters in Captain Pugwash) this society. A lot has hap lot worse..." ping and many a comprising bath/shower, toilet and sink didn't make sense - why the need for pened since then, '"ow've-yoo-bin-my- unit, all specially designed to meet the such a distinction; the truth is the truth, though. Richard Nixon's Watergate, san" we settled down at a corner table needs of the sight-impaired. I his, isn't it? It is no secret that I was a late Ronald Reagan's Irangate and Peter with a pint of hideously expensive fizzy apparently, was where the problem developer in more ways than one (I still Mandcison's Notting Hill Gate have lager each (ferry was buying) and I started. The supply of bathroom fur had Camberwick Green wallpaper in shattered the image of our elected asked him what he'd been up to for the niture was brought in from Oslo by my bedroom right up until the summer representatives as dashed good chaps last year or so. It turned out that he'd ship, a journey of some 500 miles before my 'O'-levels which I'm sure in it for the satisfaction of serving the only just got back from Stavanger in requiring around two days. At the start was instrumental in me only getting an public, and nowadays a crusty ex-army south-west Norway where he'd been of the job, all the required baths, toi 'E' In Media Studies, and which proba type would never be able to get away working for the last eight months as lets etc. had been brought in, but over bly had more than a little to do with my with taking a group of teenage lads off site foreman on a job building shel the course of the journey and during humiliating failure to cop off with to Brownsea Island without the involve tered accommodation for blind and several months lying around the site, a Emma 'bury me in a Y-shapcd coffin' ment of Social Services. But there you sight-impaired Norwegian pensioners. number of the units had got broken so Slattery with whom, I was reliably have it: 'fings ain't what they used to Apparently the national and regional that when the plumbers came to install informed, I was on a promise). At the be.' governments had stumped up the cash the last bathroom suite, they found time the twin concepts of the half- As you'd expect for an essential for the state-of-the-art facility and that they were exactly one sink short. truth and the white lie had still not skill for anyone wanting to survive in Terry's firm had bid for, and won, the What were they to do ? The work was occurred to me. the modern world, lying comes in contract. "I weren't too keen on goin' n't finished, the deadline was set for However, as Peter, Paul and Mary many forms and degrees of serious to start 'wiv", Terry informed me, "bat the following day and a replacement noted: "dragons live forever, but not so ness. In my experience, the porky pie the money was owright and I've always part would never make it from Oslo in little boys" and when spectrum runs from wanted to try a bit a time, for the want of this little Jackie Paper ...the fact that I was the socially acceptable the old Scandinavian, "...as you'd expect one measly piece of started at Big School and expeditious no- 'natta meen ? Hurgh, porcelain, each mem he had to grow up once capable of honestly-it- looks-fine- hurgh, hurgh". I for an essential skill, ber of the team stood quickly. One of the on-you-darling white asked him what the to lose their bonus, first of many rude such innocent lie to out and out just- work had been like. It lying COmeS in many As foreman, respon awakenings which let-me-have-Czechoslo was "fackin' lavcrly" by sibility fell on Terry's awaited me when I thought strikes me vakia-and-Poland-and - all accounts, 56 single forms and ded fees shoulders. He had and a couple of hun we'll-call-it-quits pre and 30 double bed two options: admit dred other clammy- as incredible..." meditated deceit. rooms each with en of seriousness that they'd missed the palmed conscripts Somewhere in the suite bathrooms, spe target, and lose all pitched up for Basic Training on the first middle there is the loosely defined cat cially designed with the sight impaired that filthy lucre, or lie and cheat his way day of term, was the idea that truth was egory of the half-truth, a phenome person in mind. Terry burbled on out of it. No choice really. In a fit of not a black and white issue but was non dubbed by Alan Clark, the well about the landscaped gardens, the inspiration, he took one of the hods actually a continuum of an infinite vari known man-about-just-about-cvery- kitchens, the dining areas and the com used by the bricklayers, welded a metal ety of shades of grey. As rude awak town, occasional MP and erstwhile mon rooms and in a fit of excitement plate on the open side, cut a hole in enings go, it could have been a lot inventor of a highly idiosyncratic ver he gripped my arm and told me that the bottom and plumbed it in, before worse - I went to the local compre sion of the Generation Game, as being "all them corridors right, they was made ringing the customer and telling him hensive where public-school enter "economical with the actuallte". But 'wiv all stripped pine floorboards". that everything was in order. Not quite tainments such as the Biscuit Game whether you are simply Joe Average try "Norwegian Wood?" I asked him in a a lie, but not exactly the truth. "Weren't and the Daisy Chain were thankfully ing not to get on the wrong side of weak attempt at humour, but he just you worried you'd get found out? I unheard of - but it was still a bit of a your missus, a monotestate megalo looked at me blankly. mean, when some old codger goes to shock I can tell you. However, I maniac or a lecherous Thatcherite has- When Terry told me about the kind use that particular washbasin he'll tum adapted to this new environment with been, one sad fact stands out: honesty of money he'd been on, I was tempted ble it straight away, surely" I suggested, depressing ease and within a couple of is not necessarily the best policy. There to go straight round to B&Q, arm ferry smiled and lit another fag. "No weeks I was half-truthing with the best can be times when telling the whole myself with a bag of tools and Black chance mate - they'll never know the of them. unvarnished truth can leave you worse and Decker workmate and get on the difference." "Don't be silly, of course Viewed from my current perspec off than If you'd simply kept your gob next plane to Oslo myself. Better than they will." "Nah they won't" he tive, desperately treading wafer in a shut. A case in point is my mate Terry. that, enthused Terry, the whole con laughed, "don'tcha know the old say world of Arms-to-lran, Cash-for-Ques- If I tell you that he has bacon sand struction team had been promised a ing - 'A hod's as good as a sink to a tions and Homes-for-Votes, the fact wiches for breakfast, likes his tea white sizeable production bonus payable on blind Norse?'" that I was once capable of such inno- with twelve sugars and smokes Benson completion of the project by the stip 8 March 1999 9 Presidential Talk-Back

he London Transport scheme is most of the meal unreasonable that far cheaper than any of our College gradually picking up steam, just dishes provided, as David Hellard, ICU President one dish a day is Hal competitors. College catering this year Tone more thing to do though. the meat is not hallal lal. has budgeted enough to buy the equiv There is a petition going around stating food (it has to be This week in alent of nine minibuses or 1000 return "We the undersigned believe that the killed in a certain I elix, I'm sure there trips to Harlington (I think that would London Transport student discount card way.) As a conse is going to be an arti cover training) in profit. It comes down is an important scheme to help alleviate quence they have to cle about price to ethics. Are our outlets here to make student hardship, but that it should not eat fish sticks if they increases in the money out of our students or to offer discriminate against mature students use College catering Union. Currently we them a genuine service? Compare any and should be available to all students and want a meat are heading for a thing the College can put out for £1.20 of all ages." If you agree with the above dish. II is under massive loss on the to one of our curries and I think it's statement, could you please sign the standable that the outlet and even with quite clear which policy the Union and petition, tach year rep should have catering department the increase will be the College arc employing. It's time Ihe one, if not get them to chase up their can not cater for - losing substantial College realised why they are here; the departmental reps, or sign the one on everyone due to cost money. Although students. (Emergency services please the front desk of the Union. and demand for money isn't every be on standby, I think some of the Col College Catering is often criticised products, but with thing, it is money lege have just had heart attacks.) for cost, but for such an international such a large Muslim community in the that goes towards your clubs and soci As ever any thoughts should be College as Imperial it is also discrimina College, who are prepared to pay a lit eties. It is perhaps worrying that even emailed to [email protected]. tory. Currently Muslims can not eat tle more for food they can cat, it is not with this large price increase, we are still Fifty Years On

A Gentleman's Newspaper? pence. The rest of I elix was made up of Despite only producing nine issues sports and club reports, occasional news between December 1949 and the end of articles, and literary writing, mostly witty the 49/50 academic year, by the time . poetry. The editorials always made it summer approached Mr L M Hughes quite clear that Felix would not answer to had managed to carve a definite char anyone and would voice its opinion acter for Felix, and turn it into an institu ^7 . loudly. The insular nature of the Felix tion. Editorial team made it easy to maintain Felix in those early years was more editorial control and political direction, of a gentleman's club than a newspaper something that the advent of Union sub - a literary outlet for ex-public school 7. "i sidies and ICU Club regulations were to friends who more commonly met erode. At the same time it was unmis- through the drinking clubs. That Felix /W j*»t f. ti:,,h 3>«rli»j , « till *;«< tic thTnfY '( A* takingly, unashamedly and appalingiy an was a private club, open to contribution extension of the '21', '22', 'Chaps' and but wary of new members, is obvious 'Links' Drinking Clubs into journalism. from a flick through of those early issues. Still, good things come from small begin The 'Felix Board' was an internally elected readers. The first profile, unsurprisingly, members. The column continued very nings... team of writers and sub-editors, electing looked at the history of the Union Bar. successfully for Felix's first five years, the following year's editor at the end of Apparently the first College Bar in the before becoming somewhat more spo the summer term. country, the first barman was Jim Pea radic in appearance. From Beer to Broadsheet Felix's traditional independence and cock, although he denies this in a The second column on its first occasional opposition to Imperial Col letter published later that - appearance also dealt with We have had some feedback from the lege Union also began in the first year. year, claiming the priv- beer but, unlike Profile, previous 'Fifty Years On' column, includ The fourth issue saw an irate Paul Cum- eledge to belong to a alcohol was to be Ihe ing input on the origin of the name Felix. ming, then Union President, writing a let mysterious woman . , subject matter for all Allow me to quote extracts of a letter I ter of complaint concerning the previous called Auntie. Appar- f^mr of its issues. 'The recently received from Anthony dc week's editorial concerning Rag fines. ently when the; Drinking Man's Reuck, a Physics student from 1947-51, The basic argument was that the Union Union Building was Guide to London' who was an editor of Phoenix and writer had agreed to pay fines incurred by stu built, the bar area was exactly what you for Felix. dents breaking the law during the was intended as a would expect; a pub "The familiar name used by the inti November 5th Rag activities, but then secretary's office. Ihe was reviewed every mates in the Links Club of the Founding had apparently changed its mind, feeling first Union Secretary, a week where a young Father of Felix, that is to say Ted Hughes, that "for the Union to pay the fines would Mr Houghton, demanded man may mop his fevered was 'Felix'. Felix Hughes, debonair, with appear as a condonation of the offence, that it be turned into a bar, and brow and rest his tired feet, a dry wit and a satirical cast of mind, was would act as an incentive to students to the Union Committee eventually agreed. relaxing over a pint of ale. And how a Guildsman and a Mechanical Engineer. break the law in future." Mr Hughes sug Other profiles of the first year included much did it cost? Well, the first pub He would not have applied his own gested that a general meeting be called the Rector, Sir Roderic Hill; Paul Cum- included was The Windsor Castle' (off name to the College Newspaper he to debate the issue. ming, the Union President; some local Kensington Church Street), where one founded in 1949, but F C Ewels (whom I Two columns appeared in the sec shopkeeper who was blonde, 6 foot tall, could purchase a pint of Cherringtons I PA do not recall) urged its adoption as a ond issue. 'Profile' was intended to focus and apparently rather good looking; and for one eigth of a pence or, for those memorial to its Founder and as an asso on an individual or institution connected the Imperial College Women's Assoca- who want to go a bit more upmarket, the nant genuflexion to its ancient cousin to the college, or otherwise of interest to tion, who at the time had just over fifty mild and bitter for one quarter of a Phoenix." (full letter on letters page 6). 10 8 March 1999 Malaysian Focus Black Eye Inquiry Revealed Shocking Ordeal of Former DPM

wo trials of different natures but of police and indepen NikB Hafiz Inal. Then, at At the time this column was writ equal importance are in session dence of the judicial the police head ten, the latest findings from the royal Tright now in Kuala Lumpur. One system. quarters later commission were that the former has been proceeding since last Novem The Royal com on, while blind Inspector-General of Police, Rahim ber while the other only began a fort mission or Black Lye folded and Noor, through his attorney, has finally night ago. The former is a normal High Inquiry was formed in handcuffed, admitted to assaulting Anwar after Court trial with the sole purpose of the wake of the find- Anwar claimed apparently being verbally provoked by determining one person's guilt or inno that he was bru- the ex-DPM and "losing his cool". concluded Anwar cence, while the latter Is a Royal Com Meanwhile, with the upcoming Ibrahim was beaten while in their cus- mission of Inquiry, not unlike the leaving him state elections in the eastern Malaysian today, following his arrest in September MacPherson Commission that investi bloodied, bruised and with the famous state of Sabah on 12 and 13 March, the last year. The purpose of the commis gated the Stephen fawrence's murder left black eye which has caused strong ruling coalition party, National front is sion is to name the individuals that case. However, the contrast basically public uproar. His ordeal didn't end encountering its first litmus test ahead ends there. The same man, Mr Anwar assaulted the former deputy PM. Early there, as he recalled that he was then of the general election, which has to Ibrahim, inevitably, is the focus of both statements by some police officers dur transferred to a secret hideout, stripped be held by early 2000. Even though cases. In an almost unprecedented ing the investigation suggested that naked, dumped in a dungeon and for the Dr Mahathir-led party has, for the phenomenal manner, unmatched by the ex-police chief, Rahlm Noor, who four days denied medical care. A med time being, managed to stabilise the anyone in the short history of the coun resigned in January, might have been ical doctor who eventually examined political scene and turn around the try, one man has caused severe dam directly involved as one of the Anwar confirmed in front of the mem economy towards recovery, it still faces age to the government's credibility in bers of the commission that the injuries an uphill battle to retain power in assailants. However, it was the star the eyes of the general public. His were the result of him being beaten, Sabah. All eyes are definitely on this tling and shocking account of the vic 'power corruption trial', dubbed as refuting suggestions by some quarters politically volatile state during the next tim himself that must have astounded Malaysia's Trial of the Century, has that they were self-inflicted. After learn week, to observe if the present gov many Malaysians: for example, the resulted in the people questioning the ing of these events how can the ordi ernment can be returned to power in manner in which hundreds of police establishment over fundamental issues nary Malaysian not share Anwar view of the strong emergence of two such as justice and human rights. In special force unit members stormed Ibrahim's fears when he pondered, "If opposition parties, the United Sabah addition to that, worries have been into his house to arrest him, as though I'm given this kind of treatment, what Party (PBS) and the Federation of raised over the professionalism of the he was an armed and dangerous crim- about the other people in this country?" Sabah People's Front Party (Bersekutu). Thought for the Day Fridges, Flats and Freaks

lock vote. Wait, no. Chinese granite. a bit of lugging fridges venient (but very cold) flats truly delightful \o see so many candidates No, that's wrong. My apologies. It about, for some reason.) So All Campbell in South Kensington. standing. Lovely. Bit more competition for B seems I've forgotten how to write before you write in with Some, maybe even most, the old Telix would have been nice, you this column. Women. Yes, I think it's com your gripes and moans, consider that the will be stuck in cheaper residences; houses know, old fellow, but never mind. Oh, ing back to me. Misery. Despair. By Jove. cat is only human. I would also like you to further out. Here's the point: don't be dis that was ghastly batting... Hick is bowled Got it. bear this in mind next time concerted if your living by a frightful googly I can't believe they Hello to one and all. I'm sure you I write something crap. Or plans culminate in long didn't pick Hussain... it's absolutely atro won't be wondering why I haven't graced make a spelling mistake. and expensive treks across cious... No, wait. Sorry. these pages for a while. Why the miracu I was looking through London. Picking a cheap Actually, staying up until some ungodly lous return? Study this question further, and old Felixes, and, boy, did I flat can mean getting a hour to wait for the election results was ask, why did I write the article at the begin write some drivel some lounge, and getting single n't so bad - bored with arranging barber ning of term? Am I really that good? No. times. This time last year I rooms. Best of all, you're shop harmonies of "Why Are We Waiting?", Shucks. It was because our editor, Ed wrote something about flat no longer a student; you're myself and Dennis "drum fill" Patrickson did "Nicholson" Sexton (nice one, Gulix) has hunting. (I remember some an inhabitant of London. a cracking drunken rendition of Oasis' begun to think along similar lines to the one in my department Exposing yourself to a dif Supersonic. All together now: "...make me previous editor, one Jeremy "WinNuke" complementing me on the ferent cross-section of soci laugh..." When it's all said and done, Thomson, in realising the following, very piece. Believe me, I was as ety is refreshing after being though, the election has given birth to important premise: this column never, surprised as you are now. I stuck in the room next to interesting sweepstake opportunities. Will ever needs proofreading. [Smug noises] wrote it in twenty minutes. the Resident Linstead Acid Tasha go the Andy Heeps route? [201 ] Will Seriously, though, you will have noticed It was shambolic.) I was sit Techno Freak. Plus you can half the sabbs elect fail their years? [6-1 ] Will that a couple of last term's columnists ting in the computer room, have parties. DP t&W, the newest sabb, be given the have bailed out of the old writing lark, at thinking about this, and lis We had some sabbat smallest office? [2-1 ]. Will the portakabins least temporarily. It just goes to show that tening to two first-years dis No smile, no fag, no ical elections, didn't we? containing the f elix office next year be very this job is not as easy as you might think. cussing living plans for next phone; Just you and me What do you mean, you cruddy indeed? [Yes.] It's not all smoked salmon and champagne year, when I realised some don't know? I spent a good It pains me to do it, but I'm going to with Mr Caldwell, you know. It's staying up thing that I didn't know when I wrote the hour laying out those interviews so you lot have to leave you now. For some reason, until six in the morning doing yet another original article. Not all first-years are going could be well-informed. Pah. Don't want to the editor wants me to move his fridges frigging election special. (There's also quite to get re-app places. Not all will get con- dwell on it, dear boy, you know, but it was around again. IMPERIAL COLLEQE UNION MALAYSIAN SOCIETY

the Malaysian 'Gadis Sarawak' Dance was one of the show's more sophisticated performances 'International Night Review, FELIX 1137'

YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET! 3 Date : 21 st Marcl Venue : Great H< erial College Time ; 4.001 Admission Also perfot

C ic.ac.uk. -An endearing story with song and traditional dances- PLUS LUCKY DRAW GALORE! tickets available in the JCR: 8th to 12th March 12:00 to 2:00p.m. ~ GROUP DISCOUNTS AVAILABLE ~ 12 Rag & Competition 8 March 1999 More Rag: Comic Relief

As you probably know Rag Week has now been and gone, we raised in the region of £4500 - £5000. My thanks to everybody who took part in an event or gave money in anyway. Just because Rag week is over doesn't mean we don't do anything for the rest of the year. The next event is Red Nose Day on Friday 12th March. Three things are hap pening this year. The first is actually on the Tuesday before, (9th March) and that is the Comic Relief Quiz will be taking place In Da Vinci's from 8pm. There will be, as always, the grand prize of a crate of Lager and entry is merely a donation to comic relief. The second both take place on Red Nose Day itself. The staff in the Union office will be sporting an article of red clothing, all sponsors welcome. During lunchtime (12 - 2), in the Great Hall we are holding a paper aeroplane mm- competition. It costs £1, and 50p for a competitive throw, all money will go directly to Comic Relief. There will be prizes for the longest flight, target hitting, and the best aeroplane design. Andy Chipling, the Guinness Record Adjudicator, will be th there to oversee everything. So why not come along and show off your aero 12 March 1999 plane prowess! Outside Biomedical Building I'm also in the process of organising a series of talks for the end of this term and the beginning of next. These will take place in the Union Dining Half and will be given by representatives of various charities. The first will be by Patrick ndulre ii som e Bedgjan Bulger from the charity Lepra, and will be in the last week of term. This is to, hope W affifesorpartipatE it a fully, recruit support for a street collection on 27th April during lunchtimc also in aid of Lepra. The date of the talk is yet to be finalised but please email me if you superRafEe to wii the are interested. viieo : Thanks must also go to everybody that has helped out with the cloakroom and to everyone who has given us their coat. Without you the cloakroom would not have raised the £800 it has. All this money goes straight to the charities. How Austin Powers ever, cloakroom cannot operate without staff, this is especially relevant with the Ih tern a tion al M an of Easter Carnival just around the corner. So if you would like a subsidised ticket to the carnival and don't mind giving up an hour of partying, let us know. Next term Rag is going to have to elect a new committee, so if you think that we have been crap, and that you could do better now is your chance! If you've read this years Rag mag and think you could do a better job, why not create your Jtscioovy, dead cheap own? We are looking for an editor for next years Rag Mag, to start as soon as possible, in order to get free printing. If you would like to find out more or get and eveiy penny goes to Involved, just drop us a line or give us a ring. Email: [email protected], Com t: Relief 1999 [email protected], or ring on ext.58099. Win Young Persons Railcards!

Anyone aged between 16 and 25 can Competition now get fifteen months of discounted travel for the cost of twelve in the latest There is no need, however, to pay your promotion with Young Persons Railcard. £18! Powerhouse have got five railcards The promotion, which runs until the end to give away to Felix readers - all you have of April, means that students not yet to do is answer the following question: holding a Young Persons Railcard are guaranteed to save money when they access this top offer! The promotion will What London rail station be run in ten top lifestyle magazines, including FHM, NME, Loaded and Com claims to be Britain's busiest? pany.

The Young Persons Railcard offers Send answers to [email protected]. with the one third off all standard rail fares in subject header 'Railcard Comp' before Great Britain, but also offers saving Wednesday evening, along with contact money on the other essentials of a stu I'm not entirely sure why we were sent a picture of a stuffed sheep, but details, as we may not be publishing the dent lifestyle. Current offers include 3 I believe It Is meant to Imply that one gets out more when one has a winners' names in next week's issue. pints for the price of 2 at Firkin pubs, railcard. Yours pretentiously - Ed The first five names out of the virtual reductions at McDonalds, discounts off hat, as our esteemed film editor calls it, Sony CDs and a load of gadgets. your will win themselves a railcard, and the To buy a Young Persons Railcard and local Student Travel Office or BR station aged under 26 or a full time student. love and adoration of all. In case you are take advantage of all these amazing with a passport photo, an application wondering, yes I am waffling to fill space. offers, all you need to do is go down to form with £18 and proof that you are Good, I've done it now. - Ed n presents...

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*CU Your Union - Pun for Ybv IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION 14 Arts 8 March 1999

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM THE RETURN OF DON JUAN Pacific Northwest Ballet at Sadler's Wells Arc Dance Company at Sadler's Wells

PNB's portrayal of A Midsummer 20th century to accomplish his mission. Night's Dream was flamboyant, with The potent themes of sexual manipula imaginative sets and costumes created tion and temptation explored by the bal by Martin Pakledinaz, inspired by floral let are then blurred by the superfluous Renaissance motifs. Combined with Felix and convoluted twists of the plot. In Mendelssohn's enchanting score, this short, the innocent victim works as an imaginative performance captured the actress and the film director casts Don magic and adventure of fairyland. Prin Juan as her partner. cipal star, Patricia Barker (pictured left in Danish composer Kim Helweg full flight) excels as the graceful Queen blends an extensive variety of musical Titania, In a plot described by Balanchine styles ranging from jazz and pop to as "the resolution of the confusion and baroque, creating an admittedly hap problems of loving and being loved". hazard, yet innovative and energetic As an eight year old boy, Balanchine score with dominant percussion. played the part of an elf in a Saint Peters This dramatic comedy is basically a burg theatre production of the Bard's showcase for the talents of Kazan born fantasy comedy, which probably was his dancer Irek Mukhamedov (pictured left), initial Introduction to the piece. It there principal dancer at the Moscow Bolshoi uring their recent London debut, fore seemed rather appropriate to have he ballet's prologue takes place in Theatre until his departure in 1990, with the Pacific Northwest Ballet per a crowd of young students from the Hell. Dressed in a slick suit with the deterioration of the Soviet cultural D formed their interpretation of the company's own school dancing as Ttinted glasses, an enraged Devil is infrastructure. However this modern pro Shakespearean comedy A Midsummer delightful bugs in the ballet. horrified to discover the existence - duction, choreographed by Kim Brand- Night's Dream, originally staged by the As one of the leading regional dance despite his villainous intentions - of a vir strup (who also founded the fledgling distinguished George Balanchine in companies in America, this Seattle-based tuous woman. Fie therefore enlists the Arc Dance Company in 1985), unfortu 1962. This lavish production, admirably troupe has displayed outstanding talent services of the legendary philanderer, nately fails to fully challenge his classical redesigned by PNB Artistic Director f ran- and superlative finish. Literally, a stunning Don Juan, to corrupt and seduce this bas training or highlight his acclaimed tech cia Russell, is incidently the first full- spellbinding show. tion of female chastity. The legendary nical potential. length remastered narrative to gain the Lothario then leaves his 'purgatorial approval of the choreographer's trust. Tanya boudoir' of debauchery and travels to the Helena A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM Rose Bruford college at the ICA

elena loves Demetrius. of spirits. No English forest should be carpenter with a crippling inferiority characterise, and the definition Demetrius loves Hermia. Her- without its whispering nymphs, ready complex, and Bottom, a weaver of lit comes with the role. Many choose to H mia loves fysander. Shake to trick and confuse mortal travellers. tle knowledge but immense cer portray a Princess Diana character, speare invented neither the tragedy Spilt the milk? The flighty Puck must tainty. [Note: The Mechanicals' but although Meredith Bellamy nor the comedy - the Greeks took have jogged your arm. tortured rehearsal scene, complete shares the figure, she doesn't really care of both - but by setting his story Oberon and Titania, the Fairy with an in-depth analysis of the play, have the same easy grace. Matthew in ancient Athens, he gives the audi King and Queen, enjoy what might is the first documented satire of the Duquenoy's Oberon is also slightly ence an instant reference point. Frus be termed an open relationship. Tita Amateur Dramatic societies that pro ponderous, more Jack Straw then trated lovers and harsh parents nia has acquired an Indian boy, of liferated throughout 20th century Tony Blair. offering their daughters a simple whom she is quite fond and Oberon Britain, a remarkable achievement The wheeling plot illustrates choice between marriage to a villain is not. The jealous King sends Puck to since it was written in 1 596.1 beautifully that "the course of true or death on an altar. The Gods are pluck a unique flower, struck many Whether a production of Mid love never did run smooth", but in often thrown in to complete the stan years before by an arrow from summer Night's Dream flies or dies this case it's because these are the dard formula. Peering down from Cupid's bow. "The juice of it on depends in large measure on Puck. words with which Lysander comforts Mount Olympus in a slack hour, they sleeping eyelids laid will make a man This one soars, as the nimble and Hermia as she contemplates her always seem interested in the love or woman madly dote upon the next extraordinarily talented Simon Watts choice between death or marriage. affairs of mortals, so it's reasonable live creature that it sees". Flower pro fills the stage with energy from the The players in this production are all to assume that they must be jumping cured, Puck dabs it on the eyelids of moment he swings down from the final year students of the Rose Bru in to spread a bit of confusion and Titania as she sleeps. Hilarity ensues. celling to deliver the prologue. On ford College, and their performances tragedy. Towards the start of the recently the way to the ICA, I had wondered did full justice to Shakespeare's tragi Not quite. Shakespeare knew his released film Shakespeare in Love, idly why Puck enjoys making mis comic gem. audience, and while the middle-aged Henslow advises Shakespeare that chief for others. Did he have an A Midsummer Night's Dream will Englishmen and women of the mid people who go to plays really want to unhappy childhood? Simon Watts be over by the time you read the dle ages might enjoy a romance in see "a kiss, a fight and a bit with a makes it plain that Puck is a child, review, but the Rose Burford stu foreign climes, they weren't the sort small dog". There aren't any small and will remain so for ever. Whereas dents are performing again at to tolerate meddling Greek deities. dogs here, but there are the Rude Peter Pan is the child who plays hap 7.30pm on the 9th, 10th and 11th They wanted something a little closer Mechanicals, tradesmen commis pily in the park with his friends, Puck March. The play is Widows, by Ariel to home, something with a hint of sioned to perform the tragedy of is the infant who can't resist ducking Dorfman, and it's being shown at ambiguity and mixed motives. They Pyramus and Thisby for the Duke of the girls in the water and tying the ICA (top end of the Mall, 5 min wanted Fairies. No moss-covered Athens' wedding feast. The only together the shoelaces of dozing utes from Piccadlly Circus). mechanicals of note are Ihe remark churchyard is truly complete without adults. ably tall Peter Quince, a repressed a hideous goblin and a detachment fairy queens are a hard bunch to Ttienne Pollard 8 March 1999 Arts 15 GUYS AND DOLLS Union Concert Hall

illed as a 'musical fable of Detroit (John Franks) and the brassy A sparkling and inspirational fairy embellished Brooklyn twang, demon Broadway', Operatic Society's showgirl Miss Adelaide (Julia Addi tale at heart, this classic musical is strated the dedication and enthusi B latest theatrical extravaganza, son), the reformed sinner Sky Mas- essentially about taking chances in asm of the company. performed throughout last week at terson (John Lofthouse) and the life. Under the guidance of director On stage, the chemistry between the Union, was a distinctly classy idealistic missionary Sarah Brown Phil Ftollman, the expressive acting was the characters was tangible - it affair. Frank Loesser's quintessential (Faye Austin) - proof indeed that perfectly paced and balanced. The appeared that the OpSoc cast enjoyed Guys and Dolls, set in New York dur opposites attract. Overall, the stan dynamic and light-hearted dance rou performing just as much as the audi ing the late 1940s, captures the glam dard of the singing - chorus and leads tines were interspersed with moments ence appreciated the show. Our com our of show business and the alike - was extremely impressive; each of genuine humour and touching pliments to all involved on such an excitement of the gangster genre. memorable, catchy tune was deliv romance. entertaining, satisfying and polished The story follows the parallel rela ered with skill and gusto, the dozen The attention to detail, from the production. tionships of two couples; the delin strong band conducted by Paul Jeanes kitschy and often risque kaleidoscopic quent crapshooting gambler Nathan providing the jazzy accompaniment. costumes to the perfection of an Helena and tlisa 16 Arts/Books 8 March 1999 A LITTLE HOTEL ON THE SIDE Rose Bruford College at the ICA

he Institute of Contemporary Arts sets up respectable characters to drag side. The influence of the Fast Show of jokes; the ironies and savage paro has surely one of the most trendy their reputations through the mud, (and possibly Shakespeare In Love) dies of the self-assured snobishness of Tbars in London on its premises. only to end up setting all to rights in was clearly apparent in Mathieu the the middle classes of the time, even How out of place I was in jeans, the denouement. barrister's (Rowan Talbot) stutter. When though they are not so relevant today, pullover and having no body pierc A truly classy performance was wanting to say '...very kind of madame add the extra dimension which makes ings. Leather trousers, hippie chic and given by Matthew Bunting, playing the to ask me to stay...' it came out 'very the whole affair slightly more cere cremc de menthe were de rigeur, it lead, Pinglct - a hen-pecked husband kind of madame to arse... arse... arSE... bral. seemed. The assembled luwies stared seeking to seduce his straight-laced ARSE... ASK This season of plays is a showcase at my chum's C&G rugby shirt, clearly neighbour's young wife. He held the me...' Some might say that this style of for the graduates of Rose Bruford, trying to decide if it was Baradi or stage like a West End pro and had the comedy is juvenile or unsophisticated, many of whom can be sure of employ McQueen. Are stripes in this year? timing to match. He was admirably but that doesn't stop it being funny. ment if their professional work is up to Oblivious, we bought two pints of bit supported by a typically hypocritical When you turn up to a play with the quality of this performance. I used ter. Minutes later the last call for the range of characters - a saucy maid, your spirits doused by a day in front of to have a poor view of drama stu play rang out, so we downed our ale the 'inspector of public morality', four a beige glowing box and leave clicking dents, but if they can learn to entertain and went to our seats in the audito giggling schoolgirls and their adoptive your heels in the air and whistling a this well I say keep up the good work. rium. father. Throw them all together for a merry tune on your way to the tube, Unfortunately, this play will have run its I had no idea what to expect hav night in a dodgy Paris hotel and the you know something is right. I had course by the time this review gets ing never heard of the title or the play Carry-On style capers start apace. The that light-hearted, lungs hurting feeling printed. If what I saw is anything to go wright Georges Feydeau before and company brought off the set piece as I wound my way home on the Bak- by, though, I would recommend going was pleasantly surprised to find myself gags brilliantly. The audience split their crloo line. I haven't felt the as thor to see the last play in the season - Wid laughing heartily at some excellent sides when a voyeuristic porter drilled oughly entertained since I went to a ows, which runs from March 9 to stage slapstick. Nineteenth century a peep hole in a door to watch the seriously good night of stand up com March 11. French farce, it seems, is obsessed cavorting hotel guests, but instead edy at LSE more than a year ago. The with ridiculing bourgeois society. It ended up puncturing Pinglet's back thing is that a farce Is more than a set lain ANGEL BIRD by Sanjida O'Connell

anjida O'Conncll, a television pro On the whole, Niall is the kind of per ducer and director who has also son one tends to leave at an arm's length Swritten for New Scientist, happens after a bit because he grows steadily to be a trained zoologist - and this fact is annoying - I was certainly tempted to reflected quite clearly throughout much shut the book about three-quarters of the of Angel Bird. The first thing you notice way through and just give up, although about the book (when reading it, of I'm glad I didn't do so. None of the other course!) is the attention to detail regard characters is built up sufficiently con ing the behaviour of magpies! vincingly, however, and that has to be Niall - we never learn his surname - one of the biggest weaknesses of the is a zoologist from Cambridge studying book. Otherwise, the depiction of life in (what else?) magpies in Northern Ire a little Irish village is certainly worth read land. Niall has previously studied dun- ing; pity that the zoology sometimes nocks and his father is an authority on gets in the way. We don't really want to orchids. Fair enough. Niall's study of know every last detail regarding the sex magpies involves him rearing five of the life of a magpie, not in a work of fiction birds. He even gives them all names - at least! Niall- becomes increasingly Rinky, Rannee, Rena, Ron and Riordan. obsessed with his birds and the realisa But this is all irrelevant detail. tion of his lost past - his lost childhood - Niall just happens to be one of those comes as he is on the brink of making a men who's handsome, clever and smart, major scientific discovery - he essentially as well as being somewhat messed-up. loses all grip on reality only to be "res He lands up with two lovers - Eddie, an cued" by Eddie. ambitious and (obviously) beautiful chef, The author's first work of fiction, Thc- and Nadia Ismail, daughter in the "first oryofMind, was written to much acclaim, Asian family to move to Northern Ire winning a number of awards. While land". Eddie, of course, knows nothing Angel Bird Is certainly entertaining and about Nadia and only discovers by what, readable, it's a real pity that there are so I'm sorry, has to be one of the most many scattered hints about the ending. contrived twists of plot I've ever read in Ultimately then, this is a creditable sec what purports to be a work of serious, ond effort without a stifling sense of pre quality fiction. The repeated references tentiousness - not particularly brilliant, to the violence and confused personal but a very good read nonetheless, with lives of the magpies are naturally some definite signs of originality. I know metaphorical - perhaps laid on too thickly. that I'll look out for other works from this Some descriptions of violent attacks author! between magpies, and 'the war of the crows', are excessively graphic but lack Sun/7 Rao any real sense of terror. The reader is left far too detached from the action. £6.99 from Black Swan Publishing 8 March 1999 Books 17 HOT SEX byTraceyCox

part from perhaps God: The Truth, Sexual Problems', like abortion and rape. it is difficult to think of a more I would like to stress that I don't think A alluring title than Hot Sex, HowTo these things are unimportant, and they Do It. So when I was asked to review this are definitely not irrelevant, but it is quite book, written by Miss Tracey Cox, I was obvious that this book is not meant to be intrigued as to the angle that the author all fun and games in the bedroom. In would take on this fascinating subject, fact, in these more delicate areas the and hopeful that 1 might find some effec author manages to be very sensitive tive metaphysical imagery. OK, so really while remaining informative, although I thought I might learn something, and nothing beats a good counsellor. there was certainly a great deal of infor The book is also quite clearly written mation on all facets of sexual relations (as for women, and all 'hints' are written as Bill Clinton would have it). Although there if to a woman so that she could pass it is a great deal on sex, how to do it, and on to her (and you definitely get the why you should even bother in the first feeling he's unwilling) male partner. In place, all that I read was not particularly more than one instance while describing new, or interesting. how to give a woman excellent oral sex The style is very friendly and informal, (just for example...), the instructions run and you can see the author's skill as an along the lines of, '...then get him to run agony aunt for a popular women's mag his tongue along the length of your...', azine has come in useful in her writing and so on. career. However this could also be her However there is some useful sexual downfall - this book is definitely not information, and the first word of the aimed at our age group. Hot Sex seems book is masturbation, so it can't be all really to be a compendium of all her bad, but unless you're planning to settle 'greatest hits', which begins to get quite down to some serious monogamy, I irritating by the end. I don't mean that in would strongly advise giving this a miss. a patronising way: I am referring to the Just settle down with the good-old-fash fact that a large proportion of the book ioned Kama Sutra, and try to work out is dedicated to subjects such as dealing which bit goes where on your own. with divorce, what to do if you suspect Well...not on your own, obviously. your 'partner' is having an affair, and a huge 30% of the 350 pages is on the sub Will ject of contraception, STDs, impotence (male and female), and other 'Serious £7.99 from Corgi Books

n his sixth published offering, Dou sively self-analyse as they each attempt glas Coupland seems to have come to reconcile their pasts, allowing Coup- into his own. Girlfriend in a Coma land to explore the theme of the book - has proved his most critically acclaimed the search for truth. Whether or not sci work, not for its use of brand humour or ence students need to be convinced of because it fits nicely into a current soci the value of questioning instead of ological trend {Generation X and blindly accepting remains to be seen, but Microserfs), but simply because it is a still a reminder is not a bad thing. Chap good piece of writing. Chronicling the ter titles play a very large role in devel lives of six friends from their last drug- oping the moral of the story, progressing filled days of high school to the uncer from 'All ideas are true' to 'Reject every tainty and regret of middle age, the book idea', 'Progress is over' and finally 'The is a beautiful example of the modern End' with comments about contempo allegory - the urban myth. rary society and consumerism. The first sentence, 'I'm Jared and Following the reunion of the friends I'm a ghost.', and the first chapter title, and the awakening of Karen (the girl 'All Ideas are true', set the tone for the friend), Coupland moves on to his vision rest of the book. Narrated at first by the of the end of the world, allowing further dead Jared and then by others, we sec development of the plot. It is not the the final carefree days of the characters most chilling end of the world scenario in high school, full of promise and hubris. (any nuclear physicists or epidemiolo Richard loses his virginity on a ski slope gists care to comment?) but it does have with his strangely distant girlfriend and an interesting twist. within the hour she is in a coma where All in all, a really interesting and she stays for 6,719 days and 83 pages. multi-levelled read, to which this review During this time Richard and the rest doesn't do justice, but not one that has of the gang have the chance to lose any caused a long term alteration in my per existing direction in their lives. After mov spective, although it really has the poten ing away to seemingly better things, they tial. I'll just have to read it again. all gravitate back to their old street in Van- ' couver, now as burned out, uncertain Russell middle-aged adults. The characters worry and obses £6.99 from Flamingo Publishing 18 Film 8 March 1999 Reviews Life Is Beautiful * * * *

Starring : Roberto Benigni, Nicoletta Braschi, Giorgio Cantarini, Giustino Durano Director: Roberto Benigni

ife Is Beautiful is a magnificently has opened a bookshop, and they have shot and very humane Italian a smart lovely child. L film. It is very charming and The remaining part of the film will, funny but also painful and very mov naturally, make you feel uncomfort ing. Co-written and directed by that able. It is about the experience of master, of comedy, Roberto Benigni, father, son, and, on the other side of the film stars him along with his real- the camp, mother (who demands to life wife Nicoletta Braschi. join.them even though she's not a Significantly, it won the Grand Jury Jew) in a concentration camp run prize at last year's Cannes film festival mainly by Germans. There cannot pos and recently got seven foreign film sibly be anything to excuse the concept Oscar nominations. The story starts of a concentration camp, but Benigni just before World War II in Racist Italy for the sake of his child keeps his sense and ends at the war's end. During this of humour. By focusing on the young period, across Europe, Jews, Gypsies, boy's story, the film is in the end an and handicapped people were first optimistic one - but watch out for the persecuted and then later detained moving end! and killed under Nazi/Facist 'master By all means go and watch this race' theories. film, not to learn what Schindler's List The first part of the film is a love has already told you before, but to story. Roberto Benigni arrives from the learn about the essence of life,- man's countryside to work as a waiter In a lav quest for peace, enjoyment and, ulti ish restaurant owned by his uncle, in Italy's answer to Woody Allen and Jim Carrey? Poor bloke. mately, survival. This film should make the hope of realising his dream of you think about the unacceptable opening a bookshop. In scene after serendipitous events he manages to forthcoming discomfort are felt when forms of hatred and persecution that scene, reminiscent of great Charlie seduce rich young Nicoletta Braschi Benigni's uncle gets his horse painted exist today in many parts of the world, Chaplin works, we learn of this man's (who is engaged to another man, a with racist slogans. It is only then that and hopefully move you to do some approach to life; sharp, humourous, part of the Facist hierarchy, who she we know that Benigni is a Jew. Before thing about it.II and charming. Through a series of doesn't like much). The first signs of the we know it, the couple are married, he Ahmed

You've Got Mail * *

Starring : Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks, Parker Posey, Greg Kinnear Director: Nora Ephron

lushy this film may be but with (of course) no Idea that their anony Sleepless in Seattle it is not. mous love is their bitterest enemy. S You've Cot Mail is an up-to-date The plot is extremely simple and reworking of the 1940 classic The Shop the dialogue flows so realistically that Around The Corner by Ernst Lubitsch. you believe Ryan and Hanks could really This time around, however, rather than be destined for each other. These two being anonymous pen pals, our two possess a kind of magic rarely seen central characters are falling in love between two people in real life, never over the Internet. mind on the big screen, and director Meg Ryan is Kathleen Kelly who Ephron (who also directed Sleepless) is runs a children's bookstore, 'Shop careful not to interfere. It's so obvious Around The Corner' in New York. why they paired these two together Although butter wouldn't melt in her again. mouth, she is having an on-line affair Eventually, however, this becomes with NY512 under the pseudonym of the film's downfall - the last twenty min Shopgirl. This is no seedy or sordid affair utes are painstakingly boring as you -just a simple, innocent conversation of wait to see the inevitable. The film is life, love and dreams carried out across long enough without this extra padding. their email. You know what is going to happen so Of course, NY512 is Hanks (step IDeep sigh of contentment]. this makes the film a little predictable. ping into the shoes of James Stewart, That said, however, the loose ends even who played the character in the origi ness begins to diminish in her small what she thinks of him every time they tually tie to give you one of the best nal), a member of the family that has shop and so she starts to despise Hanks meet. However, when they are not romances to hit the big screen in quite just opened a huge department book and everything he stands for. Moreover, working they log on and wait for those a few years. O store almost on Ryan's door step. Busi- she also takes pleasure in telling him three magic words - you've got mail - Helen 8 March 1999 Film 19 Reviews & Competition Painted Angels * * The Lion

Starring : Brenda Fricker, Meret Becker, Lisajakub, Kelly McGillis, Bronagh Gallagher Director: Jon Sanders King

his is certainly not a conventional Collection western. The setting is familiar Tenough a two horse town inter rupting featureless prairie and reeking of the desolation which permeates the genre. However, the traditional male heroes whose turbulent displaced lives generally provide the subject of such films are relegated to the background. Instead, taking centre stage are some of the western's most underdeveloped characters. The women who work as prostitutes in the saloons and brothels are released from their usual roles of cowering in the corner while a taciturn Westerns. The last bastion of sexist misogyny (not counting RSM). wanderer dispatches a barful of drunk en cowpokes to Boot Hill, and are and that of Mottram, an older woman women's work down to their white pow allowed to tell their own story. who fears that her working life may soon der make up, he seems to have spared An eclectic cast plays a group of be over, contrast with those of the no effort in achieving the authentic women who have the dubious privilege younger girls. The hardship which has dri appearance of Painted Angels. The rela New video: same picture. of working for Brenda fricker's madam. ven Irish immigrant (Gallagher) and Ger tionships between the women are well Shameless cash In? You decide. No matter how tough life in the brothel man dancer (Becker) into prostitution conceived and neatly presented, but gets, we are reminded that a rootless lurks behind the warmth of their fragile there is not much development of each ritics may argue that it's not existence in the outside world would be friendship, while the youngest, Jakub, character as the film progresses. This necessarily the best animated more difficult for each of them. Kelly entertains ambitious hopes of employ unusual portrayal of a brutal way of life Cmovie ever made, but The McGillis (of Top Gun fame) turns in an ment in a city bordello. is admirable, but the melancholic monot Lion King is undeniably the most suc assured performance as the stoical Net British director Jon Sanders has a one of the film makes for fairly unin- cessful - with UK box office sales of tie, working to support her son and alco background in documentary making, volving viewing, Q 23.1 million, video sales of 3.6 mil holic husband. Her circumspect attitude, and, from the graphic depiction of the Simon lion, and soundtrack sales of over Vi million. Now comes the release of the (straight to video) sequel - Lion King If Simba's Pride - and, of Win tickets and prizes galore with the course, a new soundtrack: The Lion King Collection. Ihis superb sound track brings together the best from the original movie, including the hits Can You feel the Love Tonight and Circle of Life by Llton John, and a whole range of new songs featuring artists such as Tina Tuner and Lebo M. The story of the Lion King contin ues with the release of Simba's Pride KENSINGTON which plots the adventures of Simba and Nala's daughter Kiaraand a mem

It's Spring cleaning week here in the If you know, then email your answers to ber of Scar's pride Kovu; meanwhile Felix film department, so there's a [email protected] before Wednesday the soundtrack endeavours to take plethora of tickets and merchandise on evening. The first five names out of the you into the world of Simba and Co. offer. We've got gimmicky stuff galore virtual hat will win a mystery prize(s). tebo M provides the African sounds - fancy Meet Joe Black pajamas, You've along with Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Got Mail CD's, A Bugs Life hats or Phan The winners of last week's You've Got an R&B duct sung by Kenny Lattimore tom Menace posters? Or tickets to a var Mail competition, were: and Heather Headlcy, and a rousing ied (and, admittedly, fairly obscure) set Nazlina Oth man rendition of We Arc One performed of films? Or T-shirts from practically every Kasim Rehman by World Beat artist Angelique Kidjo. film released in the last six months? Marie Nicholaou Ihc haunting but excellent first end Well, thanks to my friends (and yours) Stephen Whittaker title of the movie He Lives in You is at the Odeon Kensington, plus some David Saunders performed by Tina Turner. surprisingly kind PR people, the whole They (along with about 150 others) cor This is a great soundtrack which lot is yours for the winning. All you have rectly identified that You've Got Mail stars transports you into the world of The to do is answer the following question: Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks first worked Lion King and brings out the kid in together on the long-forgotten romantic you. A must for all Disney fans, The What movie links the stars of Batman, comedy Joe Versus the Volcano. Please Lion King Collection is out on Edel Waterworld and Escape from LA ? drop into the Felix office (in the Beit records on March 8th. D archway) to pick up your prizes. Gurmindcr 20 "T^v^ Clubscene 8 March 1999

Shine @ The Fridge Have a Nymphtastic Night for Cheaper Brixton, SW2, Saturdays, 10pm-6am. do this it must try and up the proportion off your moves. Al the same time, if you £8/£10/£l 2. Capacity -1,000. Dress code of female punters who go along - it was feel more like hiding away your talents, Thanks to your lovely friends here at = none. just too packed full of blokes. Now I or getting up to no good, then there are Clubsccne, you can now get into the know that I didn't help by not taking any plenty of little out-of-thc way sections to splendid Nymph night (reviewed right One of London's newest house girlfriends along this time, but it's not all explore. It may be confusing to get here twice!) at Mass, in Brixton, for nights this south of the river jaunt only my job, now is it? around this place when you are not think just £7. Their next jaunt is on March 13th began two weeks ago, and quite frankly The music also needs to get a seri ing too clearly, but it's worth the expe and stars the huge Justin Robertson and it shows. Despite the promises of glitter ous injection of melody and energy. The dition - every part of it is great. Just wish the funky Farley Jackmaster Funk. To get cannons, balloon drops, and the most tempo may have been just about right the night had been as good as the club. your special concession just take along stylish night that the capital has seen in but the tracks played by the majority of Still, not to worry - look out for my review a copy of Felix (and then throw it in the a while, Shine just doesn't deliver. But it the DJs were just plain boring. I seriously of the legendary Escape from Samsara bin so as not to appear very sad indeed), is not a complete disaster area either. It can't remember a single tune, and none (Fridays at The Fridge) in the next issue or simply mention Felix magazine at the is merely a fledgling night trying to learn of them even came close to giving me of Clubsccne. door and show your student card. What to fly in a city full of big players. that usual rush that you get when you As for Shine, don't just take my word could be easier? Well not very much, so The first thing that you notice is the really enjoy a track. Despite the calibre of for it - it isn't all that bad really. And it will go and do it. clientele in the club. Shine replaced the the talent on show, such as Roy the get better as they manage to carve out gay night Love Muscle, and there Roach and DJ Dimitri from Paris, the sets an identity for themselves, just give them appears to be a bit of a hangover from were just mindless, amorphous blobs of a little more time to live up to their name. this amusingly-named past incarnation. I depressingly tedious music. And the Shiny or Just Dull? certainly don't have anything against gay crowd knew it too despite their attempts nights or indeed against there being a to look happy. You just sensed everyone mixed crowd at Shine. Indeed, some of was going through the motions, wishing Roobarb the best nights around are mixed, they were somewhere else. because you feel as if you can relax But maybe this wasn't the case, 'cos more in the anything goes atmospheres. if you are going to go to any club in Lon However, that's not what Shine is trying don, then make it The fridge. This is a Roobarb to do. It is trying to be a glam house night stunning venue. The main dancefloor Is which appeals to, and I quote "more huge, as is the stage area at the back, so experimental of the capital's clubbers." To there is plenty of space to go and show

Incognito Heaven's Children Phats and Small 'Nights Over Egypt' 'Bam Bam' "Turn Around" Singles (Talking Loud) (TEC) (Multiply)

K90 A nice laid-back number from the A catchy tunc in all its guises on this This is going to be one hell of a 'Species' Incognito people. Once you get past 12". This is what I like about records like tune. Produced by a couple of likely lads (Boscaland) the fact that they are singing one of the this - you're getting your money's worth from Brighton (and yes they are mates of silliest (but at the same time original) cho and they'll help you build up that eclec Fatboy Slim), this tune is one of those Another thumping piece of sottish ruses ever to hit clubland then this record tic record collection that you've always catchy, happy, dance tunes you'll either techno to come out of the Truelove can really grow on you. A soulful, uplift dreamt of. The offspring of a couple of love or hate but will still end up dancing Label Collective camp, this track is an ing track that would sit' well in any the (ex?) resident DJs from Heaven, this to - and if you're not dancing to it you'll interesting piece of vinyl to get your garage/soft house set, this track, (and all track would cut it on the dancefloor in be singing along to it. Causing a huge hands on. That's 'cos unlike many other the mixes in the double vinyl pack) brims any of its three incarnations The A-side storm on the nation's dancefloors, it 12" there is a great contrast between the full of slick production. Although (quite gives us a mad and fruity "Saturday Night comes with a few mixes, the best being two mixes that you get. The Original Mix expectedly) it's the Masters at Work Main at Heaven" mix - a good idea of what it's the Original 12". Great dance music (get is more conventional with a user-friendly Mix that is being plugged, try out the like at the legendary venue these days, ting the blessing of the Radio 1 jocks). melody, and a couple of nice break Maw Mix on the B-side. It's less jazzy and whilst the D.A.V.E. the Drummer remix is Out this month downs. But it's the Trash Compactor cuts straight to the point. Also took out a bit tougher and, of course, more drum- Remix which really does the business. It's for some useful bonus beats and acapel- based. But, as is often the case, check a dark and funky piece, which manages las for all you aspiring chilled-out DJs out out the Original Mix for a more well- to work well despite being quite a bare there. rounded performance - this one's a nice track. hard houser. Out March 29th Out April 5th Reviews by Roobarb and Gurm 8 March 1999 Clubscene 21

Sasha's own 'Belfunk'. The album has people who like all kinds of music - a Niko Marks & City Boy Players Albums been compiled behind ihe decks before superb collection of tunes. 'City Boy Players' refining work in the studio to create Album of the Week additional effects. This is a great album, this is one hell of an album - a lot of Sasha and John Digweed and if you like the deep music of Dig variety and great tunes, the only problem Northern Exposure 3 weed and Sasha you'd be a fool not to Astral Projection is the album is not long enough!! This 'Expeditions' buy it. 'Another World' is a CD which joins together house, soul, (Transient) disco, R&B, gospel, jazz and electronlca John Digweed and Sasha are the to form a collage of wigged-out, funk most celebrated members of their pro This is the sixth album from the finest grooves and Afro-American musical fession, being both innovative and enter Morcean Worker Israeli trance act ever (personally I know fusion. The album has 1S tracks and taining. They have the ability to create a 'Mixed Emotional Features LP' of no other Israeli trance acts but who's takes you on a journey through all the great atmosphere using breathtaking counting?). A nine-track album, 'Another previous mentioned styles whilst featur tunes, and in recent years they have This album, produced by Adam Dorn World' is trance music at its best - so ing the vocal talents and brilliant jazz enjoyed huge success with the superb (Morcean Worker) has to be one of the much so that,DJs such as Danny Ram- piano of Niko Marks. Coming from Northern Exposure series (and before best D&B albums thai has ever been pling have given the tracks glowing Detroit, you would have expected it to be that the incredible Renaissance projects). created. It's so good that had it not been reports. The music is very much like that more techno-sounding than it actually is, The collaboration between the two mas for Sasha and Digweed, this would have released on the Perfecto label - fast but the album shows how fusing differ ters continues with the new Northern been album of the week. 'Mixed Emo beats, hard bass lines, lots of pianos/ ent sounds together can make a great

Exposure album entitled 'Expeditions.' tional features LP1 is a ten track album syths and, of course, plenty of break sounding album simply because of the This is an album which is simply brilliant. that uses many different types of music, downs. And because it's good quality fast variety on offer. Digweed and Sasha have always seen which are then expertly fused with D&B. trance it's great to dance to. Astral Pro Out at the end of March themselves as different to all the other The best thing about the album is that jection, the true originators of psytrance, DJs, and this album takes them back to there are no MCs at all, so there's no irri will soon be touring in London to help * the formidable style that helped them tating vocals. The tracks feature music promote the album and if you want make their names - good quality, deep such as house, funk, jazz, progressive more info, then pop into the Felix office. progressive house music. The track list and some good old "normal" D&B; each Out In March ' A" ing uses the full spectrum of old and new tune slowly builds up, starting gently spiritual progressive music, across two before hitting you with D&B sounds CDs. Tracks include Digweed's remix of which then gradually fade into the calm Gurm Danny Tenaglia's 'Turn Me On' and finale. This is an album that is meant for

had the worst haircut in the world, but who also took great pleasure in shoving the frizzy mass into Joel's face - until Joel Gus Gus @ ULU kicked up a fuss, when he promptly tied up his hair using his girlfriend's bobble. Last Friday, Joel and I (and my flat of soft songs saw the crowd swaying Having only grabbed a few hours sleep Still, lhat didn't stop us from shoving him mate who randomly turned up) braved gently as the lights dimmed. in the last thirty hours or so, Joel (who in the back cvcrytime he stepped back the pissing rain to go and see Iceland's Tosser of the night had to go lo the could barely stay awake) spent the gig wards. finest (but most under-rated) band Gus bloke dancing in front of poor old Joel. dancing behind a bloke who not only Back on stage, and Gus Gus were Gus at ULU. Having never been to ULU screaming out the lyrics over the thump before I was surprised at how small the ing bass lines, and when one of the venue was, but within an hour the place guys started singing in a Maurice Gibb was packed and I was glad I had left my voice we started wondering If this was a crutches at home (after last week's farce tribute to the Bee Gees. The show cul at Turnmills there was no way I was bring minated when the lead singer asked "Do ing them), for the first hour and a half we you wanna hear techno?" to the crowd. were treated to a warm-up jock who Naturally we shouted that we would and played great house music - both pro Gus Gus promptly blared out a fabulous gressive and hard, but I felt a bit sorry for techno track with hard bass lines and him as no-one seemed to notice him. minimal vocals before launching into Gradually the clock approached 9:30pm ladyshave', their latest single. All and the atmosphere built up in antici throughout the gig, weird images and pation of Gus Gus. And then they came messages were projected onto a screen on stage to a standing ovation (okay I'll behind the stage adding to an already admit there weren't any seats), and electric atmosphere. immediately Gus Gus (six guys and a An hour and half later it sadly fin girl) took us through a trip of great music. ished - Gus Gus came on for an encore It's hard to define the music they pro and then left the crowd to mull about duce since it encompasses techno, until the lead singer came out and said dance, indie, house - all sorts, the crowd "No guys, it's finished....cheers". This was treated to a great mix of tunes. was a great gig and Felix has to thank The tunes were mostly recent stuff Justin at 4AD records for letting us come but there were a few classics dropped in and review a fabulous night. there, including the fabulous 'Believe' which went down a storm. The atmos phere was intense and Gus Gus, playing their first UK gig for over a year, joined the crowd, in jumping up and down, and madly waving their hands in the air dur Gus Gus - Scandinavian and Strange, now there's a surprise! ing the harder tracks, whilst the couple Gurm 22 Music 8 March 1999

singles EVERLAST Whitey Ford Sings The Blues

hitcy lord Sings the Blues is ultimate in making rap more palatable for the new album from ex- the guitar obsessed world of the US W House of Painer, Erik mainstream? .:' y y : . : Schorody a.k.a. Everlast. He says 'I'm a This new sound swings between little older and the music is more Busta Rhyme's style machine gun lyrics, mature', and that he has moved on and Soundgarden rock earnestness. from 'drinking beers and slamdancing'. Some of his new-found solo success has

' ' : : I ly: But contrary to his word, the album gone to Everlast's head with a good starts with a hilarious 80s school-key example being on the track Today- 'the

' 1 . : ifj IOC board style track - The White Boy is Back. world is mine today - watch mc shine', . ' ' V liybl It all gets a lot more serious after that, and this theme is repeated throughout. as Everlast sees this as his chance to The rap mainstream will doubtless right all the wrongs he sees in the world label this album as a pure unadulterated

;i: i '!.'.. 5 IS today, including the material obsessed sell out, but I can see this album being society of the US. very successful in the 'crossover' market He's moved a lot of acoustic guitar as Puff Daddy/Jimmy Paige have previ Pist:On - Wee E.P. and actual singing into this album - rather ously demonstrated.

.'-:>.'. iX:.l OVi'.f iiiO Xyy.y SOOFI. than the beats and the loudmouth rant The lyrics arc were this album comes ial Everlast - he sings the blues style House of Pain were so famous for. into its own and ultimately pulled me

:."!': UiiiiC I'JUI and polishes your shoes! Saying that, heavy beats arc still occa back into liking the sounds emanating

- ; :; (All Vl6si:o| sionally in evidence - it's just that they're from my stereo. Everlast really does have <:x\. '\ now tempered by more rocky elements. the touch when it comes to writing lyrics

.lu.Thv :'ii.M!.> ;b(;'u't:i.iii:. "ingle Is thai It also seems that Everlast has got a that make you stand up and listen. It's a

IhO'C V.!'i''i'<;.'!';.'it Oik"! V"'r:~ on 11- 3S lot more philosophical in his old age. refreshing change indeed to hear a rap

, ; r :::: |(j,Si With lyrics such as 'I see everybody rock per talking about real world issues rather ing the same old style, and everyone than 'Ho's', guns and gangs. V'y'.O!-'; <: : !.><<;!'-^l"!>T':. ;;nd ><' OxHtO; r lOtl^no .ecn! and sporting the same pro-file' it appears as If you are into hard rap and beats this XuViXyy >">: -i Xt.'!. ',. if Everlast is more than a little angry with isn't the album for you - if, however, the sterile-corporate spin that is being you are prepared to be a bit more open-

'X.t-Y^' - ;'?yy*SK< w;.«>' currently put out by rap artists. While a lot minded and listen to some interesting '.the; hil( of people would agree with this point of lyrics you could do a lot worse than this.

ill. I hi i view, isn't his pseudo-rap-rock style the Gl Joel

i i.is'.K:>s IhC' j^l'dcui:^. XXJ /

-:):;iM\ r- rsC-:\ I'SJ.-X- :''":)!f"iO nh:f,u:r^h^n)i\- on deck-; LIZ PHAIR

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; r:: f ;; v : : ;fe:0 '?r ;0 " vc , :oy : iz Phair talks about platonic rela ring and a couple of 'I do's' does to

i. :yO;.y d'"! tliv -lO: : : :y;.:ir p.::->iou'. tionships, Liz Phair talks about you, cancel my subscription to Dateline. i li li itO L casual lust, Liz Phair talks about Liz Phair trea'ts Whitechocolatc- .oil: :My .o-'vXybyyyyy U. i'"" marriage, Liz Phair talks about childcare. spaceegg as her confessional and ].;<':.'.' :' .-v.: ,o ^no'r;:">foxn 1 The smarter amongst you might have although I like the Suzzanne Vega- ,;;:..!.:. ' >/ Tjy Oi i Spri; iC; M's begun lo see the pattern. Not quite soundalike, wrap-around stream-of-con-

^j/C'^xVin-'xveiV'y/h.-:.;?;] '-H.!; mob omp1! what you'd expect from the girl whose sciousness vocals, the lyrical tone is one

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pph ';vc ';('; Exile in Guyville showed it was all right of her importance and with an unhealthy for the girl next door to sing about dicks fondness for her own naval. Phair's musi and fannies using words of only one cal sensibilities are still very much pop, syllable. and the melodies on the album, though "by -h:p;rv'; ':ipT;- Yy.pypio.,,p.yp- ;,:/r-iinnjhi-Ciinifol Whitechocolatespaceegg is her third rather Tune-a-Day for Guitar, ate pleasant enough if a little samey with the odd pOsffppncs.. ivy, ;.o:)!: offering and is not so much an album as diversion into other genres (Perfect .;l! : of a collection of diatribes about domes World, Baby Got Going, Headache) fail ; . I'M :.. ih- ticity and the married state. Surprise, sur ing to compensate. If you don't like it, 'op/,p.-PO/i -vo p.oPPii ?hPi rioosed prise, Phair just got hitched and now give it to your girlfriend. I might be miss / i xp-p pp. ihe ..-.'isi. .op /rat she wants to tell us all about it. Mistak ing something that those of you with two bpPOL :.; iy PP'Opop.Y'PP'i ihf: PPPiv ing poetic pretentiousness for lyrical pro X chromosomes would find to love about pupi ;:.'sd ii:i:ilyf';!.{;c'l!v', onto flovvnipp fundity, she takes us on a touchy-feely this album, but to my ears "whltechoco- X-OO. i/Ppy i.-YUO!." Liz Phair -1 wonder what she trip through the worlds of wedded bliss latespaceegg" is just that: anaemic, sug wants for Easter? and maternal ecstasy, passing through ary and with nothing substantial inside. pp !"> P/P of Go" Oiylpppk The mother-child angst (Only Son), marital

",y i iy y riI! i strife (Go On Ahead), the beauty of per ra

tfi-'i; pyy POyPPpPPP O iYVfe ppi the manence (Love Is Nothing) and post Matt hoop: b-.'vM .ii.x.^iinlhlnd. !'i..r rnc knot-tying male-female relationships (fantasize) cn route. If this is what a 8 March 1999 Music 23 Singles VARIOUS ARTISTS TRASHMONK Pras - Whal'cha Wanna Do Little Voice - OST Mona Lisa As typical with Pras, there are many guest artists on this, together creating a Horrocks' mimicry of the Monroe rashmonk is Nick Laird-Clowes. very soulful sound. This is also taken sound and style is extremely realistic A collaborator with numerous from the Ghetto Supastar album and and at times, a touch uncanny while T respected artists; he had an makes you wonder really - how many pouting her way through / Wanna Be affair with Kelly Le Brock; lost his vir tracks are left on the album? - I don't Loved By You. However, when com ginity at 14 to a 27 year old model at know, It Just seems like so many from pared to the real thing, her voice lacks John Lennon's house; and he has that the one album. the depth and power of the others, but all important popstar knowledge of the similarities mean that her songs do speed, coke, ecstasy, kctamine and not sound too out of place. Tom Jones cuttlefish, and to top il all off he had a jm is the token male artist featured with It's non-too-pleasant experience in a sampler. Starting w shave-, this is Not Unusual, which although cheesy Middle Last prison. very smooth tndeet >un<3 is fresh and classy in its own right, does sound Thus, by my reckoning all this puts g. We move Surprisingly enough Jane Horrocks inferior on a soundtrack of this calibre. Trashmonk in his Iate30's/early 40's, ?, which dis- has more than Just a little voice. The purpose of a soundtrack is to but fear not this is not an exercise in compliment the film, but due to the Dadrock. He describes himself as Bob difference is astot good. The ittle Voice, played by Jane exclusion of the instrumental back Dylan with samplers or Elliot Smith pro remaining two track t as fresh, so Horrocks (best known for her ground bits, which are the usual sound duced by the Beastie Boys. And indeed be sure to look ou album This L role as Bubbles in Absolutely track fodder, this soundtrack also stands Mona Lisa Overdrive is more akin to Is Normal sometin jril/May, it's fabulous), is the story of a young girl alone as a collection of some really good Beck than the bland offerings of the obviously not fair tc his with The who, in overcoming her shyness, has music. However, as with all films when Wellers of this world. That isn't to say Essential Choon, bu nly deserves learnt to imitate various artists from her music from the soundtrack is featured, there are no echoes of yesteryear; Sap an accolade. How record collection. The film follows her it tends to be in snippets and/or pushed phire and Dying Day have the poignant Album Sampler? discovery, rise and consequent very much to the background -1 hope delicacy of Nick Drake and All Change exploitation. The film features well that this film does the music justice. In is Alex Chilton wilh tabla. known songs by legendary actresses conclusion, it's not your average stu Loss of the self and of other selves ESSENTIA! CHOON | and singers such as Judy Garland, dent buy, more that of an older relative- are common themes but the message Marilyn Monroe and Shirley Bassey, but nevertheless very good indeed. is positive. It's been a rocky ride but alongside those sung by Horrocks as El Katherine worth it nonetheless when the desti ; tracks is its tittle Voice. nation sounds this good. El Chris simplicity. A simple e and Instru ments played distin ct with sweet vocals on a simple It's only the chorus that Is more and it works. JIM O'ROURKE CHUMBAWUMBA I can Imagine th Eureka Uneasy Listening solutelykick- 1

equivalent of eating Cadbury's collection of old single and Caramel, it's an aural representation of album material from Witness - Scars how Guinness should be poured, it's a A Chumbawamba. You have to The guitars on this ry seductive Radox bath for the brain. Gloriously question the merits of this collection, and the you can all :l the vocals. melodious, crisp and assured finger- but I guess it's an act of desperation. It is a bit too slows es though - picked guitar, shimmering piano and And desperate this album is! almost makes it - c nes. 1 really more different kinds of percussion and I tried very hard to listen to this all don't like the way 11 to an abrupt brass than you can shake a stick at. the way, but I have to admit that I failed. end, and the b-sidc : even make; Crosby, Stills and Nash fans will recog It is truly terrible, and as for their musi up for that. nise the light, airy, beautifully har cal abilities, see the first paragraph. monised vocals that sparingly grace the Take for example, Morality Play In album, at a hundred yards and smile Three Acts, where the guy is singing Taken from the fort I album Cen- with the pleasure of reacquainting one some crap lyrics. No, I take that back, ml Reservation, al ly about this Jim O'Rourke, or Pacey from Dawson's self with an old friend. Fans of laid back singing is too good a word to describe is: nice. The fact the contains two Creek or even Jarvls Cocker? Latin rhythms will nod in approval at the his incoherent talk. The music, also, has exclusive non-albu : very nice. subtle percussion and brass on Please been very cunningly disguised as crappy f your idea of heaven is loud and Patronise Our Sponsors and the l'm-so- noise. Hanging On The Old Barbed Wire nasty thrash metal, look away now. relaxed-l-could-just-shit horns on Movie is worse. For crying out loud, an acap- Much slower than ous releases I If, on the other hand you have an On The Way Down and Something Big, pella should only be done by people and with less of a seat as well. ear for the more refined, read on. It whilst the Jamaicans in the audience with good voices. This song is very m d you feel as seems a stupid thing to say, but if you will break into a broad grin on hearing I was really hoping to be able to say though you really be walking like this kind of stuff then you're going the sax/steel drum combination that that the album is not all that bad, but I along a long, dark his can't be to love this kind of stuff. L-ureka Is not lends originality to Through The Night would have to lie. I would have loved to good for you. but t's a der:en t track.El only an acoustic guitarist's copybook - Slowly. And that's the only way to take offer money to someone to take this off and a lazy, dreamy, if-it-were-any-more- Eureka - slowly and in small savouring me, but I had to destroy it -1 wouldn't Asad laid-back-it'd-fall-over one at that - it's a sips Just like that third glass of Remy be able to live with the guilt of corrupt collection of aural watercolours, a Martin VSOP that you know you should ing healthy ears. For those who still feel sound collage of Chicago, the West n't have but that makes you so mellow the need to hear this for themselves I Coast, Cuba and the Caribbean that that frankly my dear you couldn't give a wouldn't suggest you try in any rep couldn't hurry if it tried. Listening to Jim damn. El utable music store such as HMV or O'Rourke's latest release is the musical Matt Tower - they know better. El Asad 24 / 7*vv Music 8 March 1999

Beverley Knight Interview

This week we meet up with the origi Beverley's 'Prodigal Sista' album got nal British Soul Sista, the R&B Queen of great reviews on its initial release in England! the summer (we called it the best British album of the year), but is now Beverley Knight is one of the friendliest getting a re-packaging and a re- people I have ever had the fortune to release, I when over and asked the talk to, she's a lovely girl who made diva why? me feel like I've been talking to her for years. With a new remix of 'Made it Milen : When 'Prodigal Sista' was first Back' blowing up all over again and her released it got great reviews, so why album getting a re-release I wondered are you re-releasing it? Were you how someone with so much going for unhappy with it first time round? them could have there feet planted so Beverley Knight: No, not at all, the first firmly on the ground. Probably some time the album was how I want it, it thing to do with her up bringing, she was my album, its contents were per was a gospel singer and had never fect. sung outside of church until she left M : That's my point, to us and to nuff home for college. Once she started people who bought it, it was per singing in clubs, as the support for oth fect so why the re-release? ers, there was no looking back, she BK : The album sold well, it sold to peo was spotted soon and didn't look back. ple who buy R&B and basically what we want to do with the re-release is to Beverley first blew up way back in 1995 make more people more aware of Bev when she released a record that has erley Knight, use It as a way of getting gone on to become one of the hottest me into the minds of the public of British R&B tunes of all time 'flavour of large. the Old School'. It was massive in the M : So what is the new album gonna clubs and was quickly followed by her have on it that the old one didn't? debut album 'The B-Funk1, this earned BK : Its basically the same, the new set praise from all quarters, but especially has a few remixes and re-workings on from the R&B heads. Beverley Knight It and is more of a vehicle to get on to know you changed record company, control over my own music and my had arrived and was getting recogni radio and get a large share of the mar but why such long gap? career. tion as the best British soul prospect ket, while maintaining my sound. BK: Well, it was changing company M : Its well known that as a kid you for years, follow up singles 'Down for M : The new 'Made It Back' remix, that took so long, I was signed to a sang gospel, why didn't you go into the One' and the where did that come contract with Dome Records and I that? .wicked 'Movin' from? There's this wanted out, things dragged out, but BK: My parents wanted me to sing On Up On The story that someone once finished I looked at record com gospel, but there came a point where I Right Side' did did it, pressed it to panies to sign for and eventually had to decide which way I wanted to nothing but white label, you signed for EMI. Things take as long as go and I decided upon the big wide increase the heard it and liked it. they take. world of R&B. respect for her. In BK Something like M : Why did you split with Dome? 1996 she won the that, but not quite. A BK : I or legal reasons I can't go into to M : Were your parents disappointed? prestigious Black DJ messed about details, but they had one opinion of BK : Of course they were, but they did Music Award for I with the original, like where my career should be al and I n't stop me, they supported my deci best R&B artist they do, and came had a totally different opinion. It was sion and let me get on with it. and was well one . up with this mix, he all about the direction of my sound her way to domi Devil's Pie by D'Angelo I sent a tape to the and Dome weren't on the same wave At the end of the day Beverly Knight is nating the R&B : . . . record company and length as me. charts, but she a classy independent lady who has didn't! Beverley M : What did Ihey want? massive amounts of talent. She has ' man's desk, he just disappeared BK : Well, Ihey were looking to make a always moved in a direction that she plautl loi me and and for two years sort of manufactured sound that was wants to go in, and that has always yeah I liked it. The n't what I wanted. been one that the rest of us have nothing was heard from her, until the company decided it would be good M : Why did you choose EMI? loved. 'Prodigal Sista' is re-released in summer of 1998 when she released idea to release the single and go for a BK : I looked hard al all the companies April and the remix of 'Made it Back' is the stupendous 'Made It Back' as the wider audience, and from there we and EMI were the most attractive for out on March 22. This girl deserves lead single of her second set 'Prodigal decided on the re-release of the whole me. I know they have a bil of a rep for huge success and hopefully she will Sista', Bev was back and back exactly album. being an indie label, but they are an get it. where she left of. M : What happened in those years artist driven label. They have real between the first and second albums, I artists, they were willing to give me the Milen 8 March 1999 Games

Pool:Shark (PC) Premier Manager '99 (PC) Gremlin Gremlin

When this dropped on the desk When this dropped on the desk a a sudden sense of deja vu sudden sense of deja vu echoed echoed through the office. Did through the office. Didn't this get n't this get reviewed last month reviewed last month on the on the Playstation? Yes it is the Playstation? same title, the same set of weird Wait a minute didn't I just get tables, the same large number of a sense of deja vu a minute ago. different types of games can be Deja vu of deja vu - now that's played and all using the long odd. Anyway Premier Manager stick to knock the round things 99 on the PC is still all about man into the pockets. (A cheat here is (2)0 aging your favourite team to the not all the balls have to be pock top of the league and as much sil eted. Only about half of them are needed in order to win - the computer oppo verware as the cupboard can hold - or if you are feeling perverse taking your hated nent cheated in this underhand manner every time). So it is the same game, but premier team down to the third division before being sacked. not necessarily played in the same way. With the memory and disk space of the PC you would expect some improvement Firstly the graphics. PCs with 3-D acceleration cards would be expected to have over the Playstation version. The players actually come with mini photos so you can better graphics, and they do. The shading of the tables is much more detailed than scare children off by playing the game using the images of Tony Adams and Paul Mcr- the PSX. The transparent techno table looks superb. The control method is also dif son. There is also a lot more detail, with the inclusion of such important details as ferent. Instead of the simplistic power bar there is a slightly more complex mouse youth programmes and scouts for the youth teams. Ihe third improvement has got control method using the swing of the mouse to actually control the force of the to be the abilty to use the mouse and keyboard. Rather than cycling through millions stroke. It does take a bit of time to of different screens to gel to the practice it, but within a couple of screen you want you can use the minutes gentle close shots don't mouse to get there. end up with the cue ball in the Another improvement over the pocket. The control method was PSX version (this is spookily like PC the bane of the Playstation version PoohShark), but it is enough. It is and with a simple bit of tweaking the best football management it plays a lot more like a game of game currently out, but look out pool. I inally I can recommend it - because championship manager very good work fellas. is about to come into play. Gary S. Gary 5.

Gremlin Giveaway - PC PoohShark and PM99

Wanna shoot some pool? Thanks to Gremlin there is a copy of PooFShark to pass Football mad, Football crazy, have problems waiting until next Saturday? Gremlin on to the first person picked out of the hat who answers the follow question: has given a copy of Premier Manager 99 to us to give lo the lucky student who is first out of the hat with the answet to the following question: Which two films featuring Paul Newman have quite a lot to do with pool ? Which British club team was the first to win the European Cup and In what year?

Send your answers into Felix marked 'Pool Potty' by email [email protected] or in paper Send your answers into I clix marked 'Bigger balls (than pool)' by email [email protected] form before noon this Wednesday. I'll announce the winner next week. or in paper form before noon this Wednesday. I'll announce the winner next week.

News

Emotionally Challenged Free ISP for you and me Championship

So, Sony have started releasing details of Free ISP's (Internet Service Providers) are Manager rides their next generation time wasting device flooding the market. First was Freeserve, (otherwise known as games machine). It then Virgin. Now Eidos and Easynet have again has fairly Impressive stats - getting near got into bed to announce a new free ISP the theoretical maximum number of poly service that is aimed at the internet gamer. Take a quick peek at the photo gons displayable on a conventional IV, Launched very quietly on I eb 23, il on the right and you will realise and a launch date this winter. Knowing supports both V.90 and ISDN connec that Ihc all new Championship the Japanese, the US market gets first tions: The ISDN connection for both sin Manager 3 is going to annoy pick - expect a realistic UK launch some gle and dual channel. You get the usual thousands of people all over the coun has the footballing experience to time in Autumn 2000. bundle of multiple mail addresses, 20 try. Championship Manager 2 was the review il properly - in the mean time At its heart it has the emotion engine Meg of personal WWW space, and access run away winner last time round and we will be running a Championship - a chip that Sony and Toshiba claim is to news. To subscribe you can either find Premier Manager 99 on the PC is Manager 3 competition next week. more powerful than the current Pentium the software on any of the latest Eidos going to have some serious competi So gel your football encyclope III. Hopefully, if the games are as good games, or go to the WWW site tion on their hands this season. dias out because if you like football, as the released screenshots we might www.eidos.co.ukand sign up directly. So All this said, we have not yet seen you are bound to love Championship just be able to put up with it being called now, we can all run our own Lara sites. the final version - and we have a gag Manager 3. something like the emotion machine. gle of reviewers all fighting over who Gary S. 26 Sport 8 March 1999

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVELY SPACE FILLING FOOTBALL

UCL IV.. that the tables would turn in the second "Ronaldo-like" turn allowed Chris to back- second half, scored by their captain IC IV ..3 half. heel to Aidan who again finished Shubeur. Both teams then had goals dis fourth team policy of "everyone gets superbly. 4 goals in 2 games for the allowed by the referee, (me!) who had a We've met UCL four limes this season a half" saw the removal of Richard "Lippy" prospective captain next season, from good game overall. By this stage, Maths (IV's and V's) and we've not lost yet. Taylor and Peyrouz "Impatient" Modarres then on the game was ours with the back were getting rather frustrated and this Today wasn't going to be any different. at halftime, in exchange for Simon "60p" four playing solidly. A free kick quickly frustration was confounded when "the Although Hurricane Horace was blowing Newton and Chris "Debby Harry" taken by them caught us off guard and Michael Owen of Physics," Jimmy netted us like a ten dollar hooker, we defended Tzinieris. they snatched one back, but Chris retal his hat-trick to make it 4-0. Maths finally well into the first half. In fact that At the start of the 2nd half, David " iated from a 40 yard free kick which managed to get the ball past Greek- seemed to be all we were doing and Paddy" Wishart had the fire in his belly screamed past the keeper. The Klinsman Cypriot Marios, who had an outstanding when Ricki "Jack Duckworth" Gibson and was fundamental in turning things style celebration capped off a quality day game in goal, when creative midfielder finally knocked the ball into their half, around. The second goal came when for the fourths. Wing converted a chance set up by ICU Alden "Jorrel" Banks pounced on it and the captain Elliot "Great Party" Newton first team member, Warren. Shubeur perfectly chipped the keeper. My Dad read a ball well and calmly intercepted it. INTERDEPARTMENTAL then added a fifth for Physics, which was would've been proud. Turning a player with ease (can you tell followed by two late consolation goals by After such a onslaught we did well I write these?) he laid off an inch perfect Physics.. the captain of the Maths team, Dino. to go in at halftime one-nil up, but knew pass to Chris. Good control and a Maths... At the final whistle, with most play ers exhausted, Maths players unsport- Physicists once ingly didn't shake the hands of the again demon Physicists! Overall, Physics thoroughly strated their supe deserved their victory even after an riority over under-par performance, and can only Mathematicians get better. Come join with an emphatic Melvin Lewis 5-3 victory in the If any students are interested email me first phase of the IC al [email protected] the fun! Interdepartmental Management 3 Tournament. Mech Eng 3 The match, billed by some as At around 2 p. m. on Wednesday, the "the match of the Management School's team played its 20th & 21st Marcyearh" di d not fail to first match against Mech Eng, a friendly, disappoint, with over a month after the thought of form lots of goal-mouth ing a team was first conceived. In all, action and a feast eighteen footballers braved the rain to of goals. However, play for the team, made worse by the fact N&DJM / To raise money the match almost that we were all in trainers. didn't take place Although Management began skill due to the late fully, Mech Eng took advantage of Man *W //"for the NSPCC. arrival of the Maths agement's occasional open defence to team, which score two goals in the first half. The sec resulted in a delay ond half saw Management equalise with of over 30 minutes. two excellent goals from Robbi Malan- When the drenlotis and one from Mike, a Mech Eng match finally got member playing for us. There were also underway, both some brilliant saves, goal attempts and teams started off tackles, not to mention some interesting slowly and took a slides in the mud during the match and while to get into either team looked like they could win at Imperial College^,'' the game. Physics several instances. Overall, it was an opened the scoring enjoyable match midway through If you are interested in playing. E-mail the first half with a [email protected] for Management, Sports Centre well-worked move [email protected] for Mech Eng and which was coolly [email protected] for other engineering finished off by departments. Awarded Golden "Man of the Vaskor Basak splash award 1998! Match" Jimmy, who made it 2-0 shortly before halftime 'Sports reports?^ Freefone 0800 731 7316 or with another well- taken goal. contact the Sports Centre The second 8.30pm. half followed pretty much the same direct on 0171-594-8964 path as the first, Wednesday. with Physics domi nating for long periods. Physics 'Nuff said. notched up a third goal early in the 8 March 1999 Sport & Diversions 27 ROLLER HOCKEY Sport In Brief Stormtroopers, 'B Squadron' came back strong against Warwick with OSC - Basketball ULTIMATE FRISBEE our plays sorted out; Mo and Ket driving The tournament started at the ungodly the Imperial offensive like a fine-tuned The overseas societies basketball tour IC 21 - 4 Kings hour of 10:30 am, with us against Birm Ferrari with Narissa and Lisanne putting nament was held on the 27th February. ingham. They appeared to have picked up a brick wall of defence. We achieved The day was won by the Afro-Caribbean It was no surprise when Kings turned up thugs off the street at random and paid a shut out and were just getting down Society 2nd team. After a long morning (late as usual) with only 5 player (at least them a Fiver each to play. Their game to some serious offense when the whis when some societies decided not to 7 needed for a team). Fortunately, due consisted of pummelling the opposition tle was blown. turn up, the afternoon matches started to an unusually keen turn-out by IC (all whenever the referee wasn't watching The closing game was with Cam to flow more smoothly. There was some except 'Worship me', who complained and often when he was! Luckily, we bridge, our team had improved about high quality basketball malches, tight of the flu so was sent to bed with his quickly learnt to skate away from the 150% since the beginning of the tour defence and inspired attacks. woman), we could lend them a few of players who had their knuckles scraping nament and some very fine hockey was Fair play to the Lebanese and Malaysian our (best) players, although this meant on the floor. had by all, with splendid defence from societies for their sporting spirit. that Kings had to forfeit the game, mak The Imperial plays were more mixed Thor and SpeaDFreaK. Unfortunately, the Thanks to all who made the event a ing it only a friendly. This game was the up than a well-shaken martini, but sim weak keystone was our borrowed Goalie, success, specially the referee's and team last chance for a practice before the ply sterling goaltending from Nerissa who let one sneak past him in the open captains. National Indoor student finals (yes, that held them at bay until the last seconds ing seconds. The next tournament should be football makes IC in the top 16 student teams in of the game when they happened into A very close fourth in the end; not a in the 3rd team. For info mail the country!), so the first team were out a fluke goal. bad effort for a B team that had never [email protected]. to justify their place. As the scorcline The next match was against the best before played together, playing against shows, IC disposed of kings with few Cambridge had to offer. Drew score a A-teams. Massive thanks go to Nerissa JUDQ casualties, but not after some defiant nifty goal late in the match but it wasn't and Lisanne for driving. And finally, spe Kings defending. The first half was an enough as they bulldozed two past our cial love to Lisanne's Mum for cooking The IC judo club attended a belt grading easy walkover for IC. but come the sec borrowed Warwick goalie us dinner! (to go up a belt) at the London Judo ond half Kings were keen to show IC After a beautiful two game rest we society on the 28th. Overall good per how they could really play. In the end formances by the people present meanl the score was inevitable though, another INTERDEPARTMENTAL RUGBY that the club now boasts more rainbow ass kicking by IC. colours than must really exist. Congrat The game was played in great spiri Civil Engineering 'Brickies' 76 - 49 Ramage put two over the posts. Special ulations to Danuta, Chris, Nicholaides, (no fouls there then) and helped to Mechanical Engineering 'Spanner Boys' mention must go to Greg from Civ Eng, David and Duncan. build strong links between IC ultimate Rugby Match / Rowing (Boat Race) who learnt the rules of the game in ten For more info visit the judo web page on team and Kings ultimate team. Another minutes, then played a stormer. the union web site. victory making it 3 out of 3 wins for IC After last year's debacle when civil lost 25 Switch to the Harlington bar for the sec so far in the south-east outdoor league - 0, the brickies were keen to set the ond half. Two boat race teams of eight SKIING record straight - which they did in were assembled. Unsurprisingly, Civ. Eng. FOOTBALL-UH CUP FINAL tremendous style. A blinding start gave took advantage of their experience and Overall, the day was fairly normal with Sunday 14th Match, Motspur Park the hard hats an early lead. Some incisive snatched the lead straight away, being good performances by the whole team 12pm ICSM II v GTK II interplay between Stricko's teeth and one man up after a smooth four second as usual (4th overall in parallel racing, 2pm ICSM I v GTK I Gnat Chum's head soon put a stop to all downing from lain. Mech Eng got off 2nd overall in individual times, 3rd place The United Hospital's cup dates from this. When they had left the field, the oil more slowly, but kept a more steady rat snowboarding for Dave Best!). 1885 and is the second oldest cup in the monkeys clawed their way back to par ing which averaged slightly higher. The However, the captain was noticed hav world. The current holders are St. Mary's, ity: at half time they lead by two con gap was closed and there was no clear ing very friendly discussions with the defending under the guise of ICSM. versions and looked like running away water, but the mechanics caught a crab, UCL club president. Rumours have it Coaches will be laid on for support with it. Mech Eng's 'Orange leprechaun' so the scaffolders could pull away again that he was asking for certain services. ers in the hope that as many people as Cosby and 'village' Stevens were vicious to victory. Including the football, that The captain was later beaten in the race, possible will come and have a brilliant growling beasts in attack, with Sven and makes Civil 3 - Mechanical 0, time to pull his excuse being that he was laughing day out as there will also be ICSM teams Phil making some storming runs. From your wrenches out of your builders' at the UCL club president's fall. Arrogant competing in hockey UL finals through here on in, though, Clvil's Andy 'Big' Lit cleavage lads! frenchman, serves him right! out the day at Motspur Park. tle and Brad 'The Bucket' Baskett pushed It seems that the spirit of the depart The day will be completed by the the pace up a few notches and it all ments is finally growing into something '"teabagging" of Simon Thompson. came together in the last five minutes. tangible... keep up the good work! Any Brad ended with six tries and 'Big Daddy' one for cricket? Around IC Mon 8 Tues 9 Wed 10 Theirs 11 Fri 12 Sat 13 Sun 14

RCSU Elections - voting Comic Relief Quiz Club XS, ICU. FREE CGCU Committee Comic RclieF Day Today and Tuesday Night- DaVinci's 8pm 9pm-1am meeting, all welcome - 10am-5pm Mech Lng 340 5.30pm Life's a beach Shaft spe Free Beer! RCSU cial - ICU £1 CAG: Tools for Self barnight and elections CAG: Soup Run, Base 9pm-2am Reliance, Basement of results - Union Bar 7pm ment Kitchen, Weeks Beit Quad 6pm Hall 8pm CAG: Soup Run, Base ment Kitchen, Weeks Cocktail Night, DaVinci's Hal! 8pm 5-11 pm

Caving Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge 9pm 28 Sport 8 March 1999

RUGBY FOOTBALL Sponsored by UniLever 2nds 'batter' SS/s; 3rds win too ICII... UCL I Imperial white-wash Brunei! SS/S.. IC III- .2

ICI 38 over the line to score a second try. In the New Year IC II have been having Faced with the worrying danger of rel Brunei III 14 Imperial, really beginning to enjoy a nightmare. We've won only 2 out of egation, it was a resolute third team the game, started to let loose and spent 6 league games and been knocked out who turned up at Shenley, determined Having beaten St. Georges in the second the remainder of the first half camped of the cup in the semi-final. However, lo defeat a strong UCL team, and gain round of the Gutteridge cup, the IC 1st near their line. More tries were scored after Wednesday's result against SS/S 3 valuable points. Playing against a gale XV decided to play a warm up game by winger Andy Mayes and the scrum 1st team, things are suddenly to look a in the first half, IC defended like lions, against Brunei 3rd XV. half Gabriel Odediran. whole lot better. Ricky, in goal, still had to produce a The game started with Brunei push However, all was not well. Brunei, This result sounds like a battering string of outstanding saves to leave it at ing Imperial back to their line. A terrible realising that the game was now in their and a battering is what it was. Don't get 0-0 at half time. Having weathered the line out throw from our hooker Dave reach, started to play dirty and took every me wrong, SS/S are a good side but this storm (literally), IC mistakenly thought Pearce put them to within scoring range. opportunity to stamp on our boys. day belonged to IC. The first goal came the grave was there for the taking, and But Imperial was having none of it and Injuries started to occur and early in the soon, after the start of the game from started the second half slickly. UCf are held fast. The break came with Brunei second half saw Kaizen going off having a beautiful move started by Peter Camp a decent, and having seen a few conceding a penalty for dirty play In the been knee'd in the head and generally bell, continued by Amah and finished by chances denied by the still excellent ruck, and Dave Hogg booting the ball stamped all over. In the face of this, Dave, from the most unlikely source - Ricky, eventually managed to score. deep into their half. Imperial momentarily wavered, allowing Inaki the superkeeper. A long goal kick This set back proved a catalyst to IC, from then, Imperial started to really them to push over for their first points. (aided by the wind) bounced just inside who finally started to take control. How put pressure on Brunei. Out rucking But IC was still out playing them and their box and proceeded to dip over ever, with just 10 minutes to go, it was them in the forwards and out playing Charlie "wind me up and I start to go" their bewildered keepers head - 2-0. still 1-0 to UCf. Then, though, the ball them in the backs, they really didn't see Cunnel paced it down the touch line to The third and fourth goals came soon broke to Magic on the right, whose much ball. It wasn't long before Daveo put Ic further in the lead. after from Amah and Peter Campbell. sweet first time cross was met by Ole. Gol cut through the defence to score the Brunei had by now given up any IC battled into the wind in the sec The 'keeper saved well he was there to first points for IC. hope of winning and were concentrating ond half and shocked SS/S by scoring a bury the rebound. UCL again raised IC thought that Brunei, having con their efforts on hurting our people. They 5th supplied again by Mr. Campbell, the pressure, but this gave Malcolm the ceded a score, would come back with all even decided to be sportsmanlike and super defender. The sixth came soon chance to lead a devastating counter cannons firing. But they just didn't seem brought on half of their second team to after supplied by Dan Waight. I would attack. Having carried the ball for 60 to compare at all with our fast paced try and force things their way. again like to stress that SS/S are a good yards, his cross fell eventually Ole, who game, and it was only a few minutes There's only one thing left to say; we team and are third in the league but we finished coolly. Cue ecstasy - only later when Matt "I'm too fat" Cockayne thrashed 'em! were just outstanding on the day. It is slightly dampened by the UCL bus sod took the ball on himself and flopped as simple as that. ding off without us.

SCOREBOARD HOCKEY

FOOTBALL IC give RHUL a thrashing; Disco sqd. win again Wednesday 3 rd March ULU League ICI I 3 Disco Squad.. efforts, the medics made it count. 1-2 ICII 6-1 SS/S RHUL.. ...1 UCLMS II But our heads were not bowed - we Id III 2-1 UCL III cranked up the pressure, probing for LSE 5-0 IC Ladies A win today practically guarantees us Yet another cliff-hanger in the saga of the chinks in their armour. It was nearly half- UCL IV 1-3 IC IV winning the UC premier league. disco boys. We ground out this result time when the Disco Squad broke Saturday 27th February Before the game we thought that with blood, sweat, tears and Rezoola's through, and the ball fell to Indian Car RHULIV 2-5 IC IV the game might actually be quite diffi Pants. Grrrr... pet Catalogue in the middle of the D. Civ. Eng. 9 -1 Elec. Eng. cult but we were mistaken - it was a The match started with a bit of fire, Time slowed. His heartbeat pounded Physics 5 - 3 Maths thrashing. The first half began without with play flowing both ways, although out a frantic rhythm in his head. He M'ment 3 - 3 Mech. Eng. the legendary presence of Bigger Titties not at the same time, obviously. I'm find dived and skimmed. Unnecessarily, and Pink Gash. However, all was not ing It hard to admit, but the medic scum because no-one was attempting to tackle RUGBY lost. The passing was exceptional (occa did appear to have the upper hand to him. He picked his spot and flicked the UH CUP sionally), with the ball rarely returning to start with. Ten minutes into the match, ball into the air. It seemed to hang for ICSM 21-12 GKT the IC half. Once fast break Blue Under Casanova briefly became lost In dreams ever, before looping back down under (+ one broken Felix office window) pants rounded two plays before setting of a lilting Welsh voice, in the throes of the bar and hitting the back of the net. ICI 38-14 Brunei III up Jumbo Bwana who took 3 attempts an orgasm, calling his name. While he 2-2, and the crowd went wild. Civ. Eng. 76 - 49 Mech. Eng. to put the ball past the keeper. stood there dazed, his man gave him the In the second-half we took the game The second half started nervously, slip, and before Casanova could catch to them. Our spirits always gave us the HOCKEY seeing Holloway put pressure on IC's D him, the medics had opened the scoring. edge, and this match was no exception. ICI 13-1 RHUL for 5 minutes, not helped by Ic's inabil 0-1 to the medics. Chances came again and again, but lady Disco Sqd. 3 - 2 UCLMS II ity to get the ball out safely. But, if our enemies strike us down, luck was not smiling on filtrum, Lager But the defence came good, not we can only get stronger. Our fires Lager and Indian Carpet Catalogue. But, MISCELLANEOUS allowing Holloway to convert any of this surged higher and not five minutes had with less than 4 minutes to go, we won Ultimate Frisbee 21 -4 Kings pressure. A demon run by 11 plus saw passed before the Sundance Kid con a shortie. The Sundance Kid swooped in the ball reach Bigger Titties stick less verted an unorthodox short corner. 1-1 and it was 3-2 to the Disco Boys. Come than a foot from the goal. The third goal The battle raged. Every tackle was hard on! was a tribute to Pink Gash's speed, fought; every pass had to count. 10 min And so, with this victory under our aggression and dedication (!). Feeling utes before half-time, I abio decapitated belts, promotion beckons more entic sorry for the opposition Mr. T gave the one of the opposition in our D, and the ingly than Bronwyn after a brace of bev ball to their CF and let the game rest at umpire harshly gave the medics a short erages and a hearty vomit. Disco! 3-1. corner. Despite our defences valiant