Dull, Dumb 3-D

I I Dull, dumb 3-D i) film disappoints ** I David DiCerto/CNS the OSS when his big sister, Carmen NEW YORK — "Spy.Kids 3-D: (Alexa Vega) is captured while on as £ Game Over" (Dimension) is, as ad signment to hack into and shut down o vertised, 3-D — those three D's be a dangerous video game which con o ing, dull, dumb and disappointing. trols the consciousness of any child Director Robert Rodriguez scored who plays it, the dastardly handi big in 2001 with the original "Spy work of the evil mastermind, Toy- DO Kids," then stutter-stepped in 2002 maker (Sylvester Stallone). < with the less-than-impressive se Ricardo Montalban is Juni's > : quel, "Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost wheelchair-bound grandfather. Dimension Films/CNS Z : Dreams," and has fallen flat on its There are brief cameos by the adult Ryan Pinkston stars in the movie "Spy Kids 3D: Game Over." sprockets with the third installment. Cortez couple, Antonio Banderas The first cleverly married imagi and Carla Gugino, as well as by char by a preordained addictive video native special effects to a smart, en acters from the two previous films. game marketed at youngsters. o MovieReviews CxL tertaining story which did not insult Sadly, the 3-D environment is pop- One hopes "Spy Kids 3-D: Game young viewers' intelligence. The se ulatedby one-dimensional charac Over" will live up to its title and tru cret of its appeal was that it resisted ters. Stallone is the sole exception, ly signal the end of the line for this tality and preachy tone. • 0 the temptation to put the visual cart playing several different loony char franchise — but that's highly doubt Due to some menace and some Q before the narrative horse. This acters — splintered personalities of ful. Can you say "Spy Kids: Reboot?" mild action sequences, the USCCB time around the narrative horse is the schizophrenic Toymaker — with "Spy Kids 3-D" imparts a positive Office for Film & Broadcasting clas nowhere to be found — not even as glee. If you are going to embarrass message about the importance of sification is A-II — adults and ado 3 o glue to hold together the threadbare yourself, you might as well have a family, clearly condemning venge lescents. The Motion Picture Asso U plot. The filmmaker jettisons story good time while doing it. ance and extolling forgiveness. It al ciation of America rating is PG — in favor of gimmicky, fun-house In an ironic twist, the film, which so touches on human-dignity issues parental guidance suggested. o tricks, the sign of a sagging series. sets out to save kids from a sinister- involving the grandfather's handi U Young Juni Cortez (Daryl Sahara) ly addictive video game, itself takes cap. However, these laudable senti DiCerto is on the staff of the Office is running a private-eye operation. on the visual tone of a video game — ments are consistently undermined for Film & Broadcasting of the U.S. I He is recruited back into service by and will without doubt be followed by the film's saccharine sentimen- Conference of Catholic Bishops. Bad acting, script make 'Gigli' a waste of time David. DiCerto/CNS nap the mentally handicapped kid ing of Bogey and Bacall — or, for Beneath the banality of the offen brother (Justin Bartha) of a federal that matter, even Lisa-Marie Pres sive sexual banter which pervades I NEW YORK — A two-bit hood prosecutor, in the hopes of strong- ley and Michael Jackson. In fact the much of the dialogue is a more in i falls for the curvaceous female mob arming the feds into dropping an in Jen-Ben pairing generates about as sidious denial of objective moral 1 enforcer contracted to assist him in vestigation against a mob associate many sparks as matches in a mon norms concerning sexual intimacy. I a high-level kidnapping only to dis- back East. Aware of his stooge's soon. The scant flames ignited on Brest seems to suggest that sexual f cover that she is gay in the leaden habit of screwing up jobs, Louis screen are thoroughly extinguished ity is merely a malleable social con romantic eomedy "Gigli" (Colum hires some insurance muscle in the by the utter inanity of the bone- struct — illustrated by Ricki's waf bia). person of Ricki (Jennifer Lopez), a headed script. fling proclivities. The film's moral As the eponymous thug played by gorgeous lesbian who practices The film's tone is never estab relativism is summed up by Gigli's Ben Affleck is quick to clarify, tantric yoga and spouts Zen apho lished, seesawing awkwardly be mother (Lainie Kazan), who, shrug "Gigli rhymes with really" — as in risms. tween comedy and melodrama. Af ging off Ricki's homosexuality, really poorly written, really badly That's the set-up. Of course, given fleck, a rabid, . card-carrying states, "Life is not always black and acted, really a waste of your time. the hype generated by the off member of the Red Sox nation, white" — in other words, there is no Academy members may recon screen romance of the stars, the re seems about as comfortable in his objective morality, only subjective sider the Oscar they awarded direc al purpose of the afterthought plot is role as he would in Yankee pin shades of gray. tor Martin Brest in 1992 for "Scent simply to allow ample time for the stripes. His faux-fugeddaboutit fa In "Gigli," Lopez has hit new J- ' of a Woman" after they get a whiff most written-about couple since cade feels forced, amounting to lit lows. If her next pairing with Af | of this stinker. Brest, who should be Adam and Eve to sizzle on screen tle more than a really bad fleck in the soon to be released "Jer brought up on double charges since and show off their preternatural impersonation of Robert De Niro — sey Girl" is anything like this he also received a writing credit, is good looks. or a halfway decent one of comedi clunker, she may be known as Jenny j quite possibly responsible for deliv- In between cooing glances, Gigli an Andrew Dice Clay. Lopez's per from the schlock. I ering the biggest bomb since the finds himself falling in love with formance proves that a lot of ego Due to a sexual encounter, exces | Enola Gay. Ricki, only to be left licking his can be squeezed into very tight out sive sexually explicit and rough lan i To make a dumb story short, Af- wounds when he learns that they fits. The other cast members are guage, as well as profanity and brief | fleck plays Larry Gigli, a West Coast both order their sexual entrees one-note plot-placeholders; they in strong violence, the USCCB Office i bush-league leg-breaker who really from the same menu column. The clude Bartha doing a lame parody of for Film & Broadcasting classifica j doesn't have the stomach for his film's harebrained ending reverses Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man" and tion is 0 — morally offensive. The [ chosen line of work. Underneath his much of what preceded it, and Al Pacino doing a dead-on parody of Motion Picture Association of I slickly coifed hair and goomba should stoke the embers of the "na himself. America rating is R — restricted. j bravura is a sensitive guy searching ture" vs. "nurture" debate concern On a much more disturbing level, | for more than his Soprano-lite, dead- ing homosexuality. the narrative is fueled by a warped DiCerto is on the staff of the Office [ end existence. His boss, Louis Despite all the ballyhoo, Affleck view of sexuality inconsistent with for Film & Broadcasting of the U.S. • (Lenny Venito), assigns Gigli-to kid and Lopez are not the second com Catholic teachings xm the subject. Conference of Catholic Bishops. .

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