The New Hampshire Gazette Postage Paid a Non-Fiction Newspaper Vol

Th e New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, September 18, 2015 — Page 1 First Class U.S. The New Hampshire Gazette Postage Paid A Non-Fiction Newspaper Vol. CCLIX, No. 26 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Portsmouth, N.H. Permit No. 75 September 18, 2015 PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com Address Service Requested Th e Fortnightly Rant What To Do With Dick? It’s pop quiz time: in what year Th e Dark Nutcase Rises was the following sentence pub- Given a scholarship to Yale, he lished? fl unked twice before fi nally being “Just as one president has left kicked out. a path of destruction in his wake, In order to pursue “other pri- one president can rescue us.” orities,” he sought and received Did you guess 2008 or 2009? fi ve deferments from his draft Of course you did. But, sorry board — during a war he pro- — you’re wrong. Th e answer is fessed to support. 2015, and the allegedly destruc- One of his priorities seems to tive President being referred to have been the mass consumption isn’t George W.[MD] Bush, but of Colorado Kool-Aid, better Barack Obama. known as Coors, which earned “What is this,” you may ask, him two DWI convictions. “one of those alternate history During a later and, one hopes, novels Newt Gingrich writes?” soberer, phase of his career, while No. According to its publisher, working for a Government that Th reshold Editions, it is “con- he clearly despises, he commis- servative non-fi ction,” which sioned a $9 million study on how apparently operates under a set private industry could provide of rules diff erent from standard logistical support to the Defense non-fi ction. Department. Judging by another Th reshold Some years later, while taking title, published two years ago, the time off from a higher-ranked distinction may be that “conser- job, also in government, he blast- prepared the ground and pro- with his old one, he talked doc- Unindicted Co-Conspirators vative non-fi ction” is oxymoronic. ed a friend in the face with a vided the motivation for Islamic tors into giving him a new heart. Meanwhile this individual, Th e Embassy House: Th e Explosive shotgun. Most people, having State, the existence of which he Later he said, with a character- whose name we are obviously Eyewitness Account of the Libyan done so, would apologize. But blames on his successor [because, istic degree of humility, “It’s my loathe to print, is being treated Embassy Siege by the Soldier Who most people lack his fi rm convic- let’s not fool ourselves, Bush was new heart, not someone else’s old by our news media as if he had Was Th ere, had to be shredded af- tions. He did not. not driving that bus]. heart.” something worthwhile to say. ter it was revealed that its pseud- Even when he’s wrong, he’s In what was surely just a co- Not Guilty By Reason of … He is protected from the law onymous author “Morgan Jones” right. When he’s really wrong, incidence, his former employ- A man with a career record as by his wealth and position, and had made the whole thing up. though, he’s right off the charts. er provided shoddy logistical awful as this can hardly be fault- those who pass along his twisted Embassy House was a fi ction- Magnum Opus Pravum support for which it billed the ed for writing gibberish accusing views are protected by the First alized account of the September Th e work for which he will Government billions — none of others of causing the devastation Amendment. Th at is a bulwark 11, 2012 attack on a U.S. facility forever be remembered was the which, we are assured, had any- which clearly bears his stamp. He we will not attack. in Benghazi!!!, Libya, masquer- organization of a clandestine thing to do with the $150,000 is just a moral idiot. It is a dismal situation but it ading as fact. network which manufactured per year they contrived to pay If he were broke and living off ers moments of amusement. Th e person who wrote that spurious “intelligence” to meet him, despite his having previous- on the streets, he could easily be Th e miscreant in question ap- perplexing sentence about two certain specifi cations: raw ma- ly “severed all ties.” snatched up and thrown into the peared recently at the American presidents also said, about Beng- terial for a false justifi cation for Th e Telltale Heartlessness Bridgewater State Hospital for Enterprise Institute, where de- hazi!!!, “I’ve watched the … an unprovoked war of aggression. Eventually, to the surprise of the Criminally Insane. praved ideas frequently fi nd wel- thing with great interest …. I Th is is, by defi nition, a war crime. no one, the doctors of the man Since he’s fi lthy rich and sur- come. As he was denouncing the think it’s one of the worst inci- With the blessings of a duped who wrote the sentence which rounded by lawyers, that’s not Iran nuclear deal, a small female dences, frankly, that I can recall Congress, he sent hundreds of we’re trying to understand decid- going to happen. Like so many protestor held up a pink cloth in my career.” thousands of miserably-equipped ed that his heart was so defective others, he’s been found not guilty sign denouncing him. A male To put that last statement into soldiers and Marines into an un- he’d be better off without it. by reason of weath and infl u- sycophant, a head taller than the perspective, let’s review some winnable hell. Th e ensuing de- Despite his advanced age of ence, without even having been woman, tried furiously to yank it highlights from that career. struction of an organized state 71, and despite what he’d done charged. away, but failed. Th e Alleged News® We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Valium Factory A poll released on Sunday upward trajectory in the polls eff ect, “We’re not the radical So- considerable percentage of Af- have begun to call him a populist. suggests that if the Presidential remains unshaken to this day cialists crazies they say we are.” rican-American males off the Demagogue is the proper term. election were held today, the can- — not despite his penchant for In doing so they have ceded the streets and out of the voting Th e solutions that he proposes (a didates would be Donald Trump constantly saying things that power to defi ne the debate to booths while keeping the unem- wall along our Southern border, and Bernie Sanders. once would have been thought their opponents, and they’ve got- ployment rate artifi cially low. with Mexico paying the cost?) Let’s just let that sink in. unspeakable, but because of it. ten their teeth kicked in for their Th ese problems have been are thinner than the gold leaf on ≈≈≈ Th is peculiar situation could troubles. lying there waiting for a Dem- his tacky buildings, though — no When Trump entered the race be fi led under “amusing but irrel- Th at strategic error gave us ocratic Presidential candidate more real than his alleged hair. in mid-June he was greeted for evant” were it not for one alarm- decades of supply-side gover- with the guts to propose some By now we are all far too fa- good reason with what seemed ing trend. Trump’s unfavorability nance. Th e nation would have real solutions. Along comes Ber- miliar with preposterous can- like almost universal derision. ratings — which had seemed at been better served if we’d been nie — a Socialist, of all things didates competing in elections Th ere are so many things that fi rst to be an impregnable bul- operating under a Dungeons & — and, according to Sunday’s that end up changing nothing. make him unelectable it would wark against the potential horror Dragons rulebook. Th e economy YouGov/CBS poll of Democrat- Th is time, perhaps, after all the take a spreadsheet to keep track: of his eventual success — have is a wreck, with the Government ic voters in New Hampshire, he’s half-measure elections of the last divorces, bankruptcies, videos of been slowly but steadily drop- and the middle class both broker getting 52 percent to Clinton’s half century, the American elec- obscenity-laced speeches, busi- ping. than ever. Our roads and bridg- 30. torate might get as real a choice ness connections to organized Meanwhile, over on the Blue es are a disgrace. Education is a Th e public’s response to Sand- as they could ever possibly have: crime fi gures, that thing on top side of the Great Divide, some- direct route to bankruptcy if ill ers’ proposals has been so electric a blowhard billionaire versus an of his head …. thing is taking place that is con- health doesn’t get you there fi rst. that Hillary Clinton has begun to authentic mensch. Trump’s polling numbers, siderably less strange, but even Our population of wounded and talk like a real Democrat instead Th is is a very big bleeping though, began rising immedi- more improbable. disabled veterans has exploded of a pale imitation. Even “Th e deal. We’re not used to this sort ately. By the Fourth of July he For forty years now, the Dem- because of a war that was based Donald” Trump is now trying to of thing.

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