Th e New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, 18, 2015 — Page 1 First Class U.S. The New Hampshire Gazette Postage Paid A Non-Fiction Newspaper Vol. CCLIX, No. 26 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Portsmouth, N.H. Permit No. 75 September 18, 2015 PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com Address Service Requested

Th e Fortnightly Rant What To Do With Dick? It’s pop quiz time: in what year Th e Dark Nutcase Rises was the following sentence pub- Given a scholarship to Yale, he lished? fl unked twice before fi nally being “Just as one president has left kicked out. a path of destruction in his wake, In order to pursue “other pri- one president can rescue us.” orities,” he sought and received Did you guess 2008 or 2009? fi ve deferments from his draft Of course you did. But, sorry board — during a war he pro- — you’re wrong. Th e answer is fessed to support. 2015, and the allegedly destruc- One of his priorities seems to tive President being referred to have been the mass consumption isn’t George W.[MD] Bush, but of Colorado Kool-Aid, better Barack Obama. known as Coors, which earned “What is this,” you may ask, him two DWI convictions. “one of those alternate history During a later and, one hopes, novels Newt Gingrich writes?” soberer, phase of his career, while No. According to its publisher, working for a Government that Th reshold Editions, it is “con- he clearly despises, he commis- servative non-fi ction,” which sioned a $9 million study on how apparently operates under a set private industry could provide of rules diff erent from standard logistical support to the Defense non-fi ction. Department. Judging by another Th reshold Some years later, while taking title, published two years ago, the time off from a higher-ranked distinction may be that “conser- job, also in government, he blast- prepared the ground and pro- with his old one, he talked doc- Unindicted Co-Conspirators vative non-fi ction” is oxymoronic. ed a friend in the face with a vided the motivation for Islamic tors into giving him a new heart. Meanwhile this individual, Th e Embassy House: Th e Explosive shotgun. Most people, having State, the existence of which he Later he said, with a character- whose name we are obviously Eyewitness Account of the Libyan done so, would apologize. But blames on his successor [because, istic degree of humility, “It’s my loathe to print, is being treated Embassy Siege by the Soldier Who most people lack his fi rm convic- let’s not fool ourselves, Bush was new heart, not someone else’s old by our news media as if he had Was Th ere, had to be shredded af- tions. He did not. not driving that bus]. heart.” something worthwhile to say. ter it was revealed that its pseud- Even when he’s wrong, he’s In what was surely just a co- Not Guilty By Reason of … He is protected from the law onymous author “Morgan Jones” right. When he’s really wrong, incidence, his former employ- A man with a career record as by his wealth and position, and had made the whole thing up. though, he’s right off the charts. er provided shoddy logistical awful as this can hardly be fault- those who pass along his twisted Embassy House was a fi ction- Magnum Opus Pravum support for which it billed the ed for writing gibberish accusing views are protected by the First alized account of the September Th e work for which he will Government billions — none of others of causing the devastation Amendment. Th at is a bulwark 11, 2012 attack on a U.S. facility forever be remembered was the which, we are assured, had any- which clearly bears his stamp. He we will not attack. in Benghazi!!!, Libya, masquer- organization of a clandestine thing to do with the $150,000 is just a moral idiot. It is a dismal situation but it ading as fact. network which manufactured per year they contrived to pay If he were broke and living off ers moments of amusement. Th e person who wrote that spurious “intelligence” to meet him, despite his having previous- on the streets, he could easily be Th e miscreant in question ap- perplexing sentence about two certain specifi cations: raw ma- ly “severed all ties.” snatched up and thrown into the peared recently at the American presidents also said, about Beng- terial for a false justifi cation for Th e Telltale Heartlessness Bridgewater State Hospital for Enterprise Institute, where de- hazi!!!, “I’ve watched the … an unprovoked war of aggression. Eventually, to the surprise of the Criminally Insane. praved ideas frequently fi nd wel- thing with great interest …. I Th is is, by defi nition, a war crime. no one, the doctors of the man Since he’s fi lthy rich and sur- come. As he was denouncing the think it’s one of the worst inci- With the blessings of a duped who wrote the sentence which rounded by lawyers, that’s not nuclear deal, a small female dences, frankly, that I can recall Congress, he sent hundreds of we’re trying to understand decid- going to happen. Like so many protestor held up a pink cloth in my career.” thousands of miserably-equipped ed that his heart was so defective others, he’s been found not guilty sign denouncing him. A male To put that last statement into soldiers and Marines into an un- he’d be better off without it. by reason of weath and infl u- sycophant, a head taller than the perspective, let’s review some winnable hell. Th e ensuing de- Despite his advanced age of ence, without even having been woman, tried furiously to yank it highlights from that career. struction of an organized state 71, and despite what he’d done charged. away, but failed.

Th e Alleged News® We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Valium Factory A poll released on Sunday upward trajectory in the polls eff ect, “We’re not the radical So- considerable percentage of Af- have begun to call him a populist. suggests that if the Presidential remains unshaken to this day cialists crazies they say we are.” rican-American males off the Demagogue is the proper term. election were held today, the can- — not despite his penchant for In doing so they have ceded the streets and out of the voting Th e solutions that he proposes (a didates would be Donald Trump constantly saying things that power to defi ne the debate to booths while keeping the unem- wall along our Southern border, and Bernie Sanders. once would have been thought their opponents, and they’ve got- ployment rate artifi cially low. with Mexico paying the cost?) Let’s just let that sink in. unspeakable, but because of it. ten their teeth kicked in for their Th ese problems have been are thinner than the gold leaf on ≈≈≈ Th is peculiar situation could troubles. lying there waiting for a Dem- his tacky buildings, though — no When Trump entered the race be fi led under “amusing but irrel- Th at strategic error gave us ocratic Presidential candidate more real than his alleged hair. in mid-June he was greeted for evant” were it not for one alarm- decades of supply-side gover- with the guts to propose some By now we are all far too fa- good reason with what seemed ing trend. Trump’s unfavorability nance. Th e nation would have real solutions. Along comes Ber- miliar with preposterous can- like almost universal derision. ratings — which had seemed at been better served if we’d been nie — a Socialist, of all things didates competing in elections Th ere are so many things that fi rst to be an impregnable bul- operating under a Dungeons & — and, according to Sunday’s that end up changing nothing. make him unelectable it would wark against the potential horror Dragons rulebook. Th e economy YouGov/CBS poll of Democrat- Th is time, perhaps, after all the take a spreadsheet to keep track: of his eventual success — have is a wreck, with the Government ic voters in New Hampshire, he’s half-measure elections of the last divorces, bankruptcies, videos of been slowly but steadily drop- and the middle class both broker getting 52 percent to Clinton’s half century, the American elec- obscenity-laced speeches, busi- ping. than ever. Our roads and bridg- 30. torate might get as real a choice ness connections to organized Meanwhile, over on the Blue es are a disgrace. Education is a Th e public’s response to Sand- as they could ever possibly have: crime fi gures, that thing on top side of the Great Divide, some- direct route to bankruptcy if ill ers’ proposals has been so electric a blowhard billionaire versus an of his head …. thing is taking place that is con- health doesn’t get you there fi rst. that Hillary Clinton has begun to authentic mensch. Trump’s polling numbers, siderably less strange, but even Our population of wounded and talk like a real Democrat instead Th is is a very big bleeping though, began rising immedi- more improbable. disabled veterans has exploded of a pale imitation. Even “Th e deal. We’re not used to this sort ately. By the Fourth of July he For forty years now, the Dem- because of a war that was based Donald” Trump is now trying to of thing. If the race comes down had passed establishment favor- ocrats have been playing a meek on lies. For-profi t prisons serve exploit some of these issues. For to these two, we’re gonna need a ite J. Edgar “Jeb!” Bush. And his and defensive game, saying, in the vital function of keeping a that, certain myopic observers bigger Valium factory. Page 2 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, September 18, 2015

Special Bulletin Th e Fortnight in Religiosity Ordinarily, we do not cover Th e Fickle Finger of Flame religion, for two reasons. First, In Bardstown, Kentucky, in it has, or should have, little or 2003, a bolt of lightning set a no bearing on politics or gov- warehouse on fi re. In the re- ernance, our primary areas of sulting inferno, 19,000 barrels concern. Second, doing so might of whiskey began leaking. Th en distract from our own religious the whiskey caught fi re. Soon a devotions, which are centered on fl aming river of Jim Beam fl owed a savory collation of fi lament-like into Salt Creek where high carbohydrates, spheres of ground winds whipped the fl ames into a beef, and a rich, thick, Solanum “fi renado” reaching 100 feet into lycopersicum-based liquid. the air. Mock it if you will, but in the Twelve years later and approx- marketplace of religiosity, our imately 120 miles east of Bard- faith has the unique advantage of stown, Kim Davis was elected documentary proof. At the very Clerk of Rowan County. instant when the Flying Spa- At fi rst glance, other than a ghetti Monster created mankind, very loose geographic proximity, Arne Niklas Jansson captured these two events might seem to- the moment in a work he called, tally unrelated. “Touched by His Noodly Ap- What about that subtle duo- pendage,” reproduced below. decimal coincidence, though: 12 years, and 120 miles? Could the Bardstown Firenado of 2003 have been [insert dramatic pause ever you like. Th at’s your busi- fell v. Hodges: after 226 years of wandering around in Bow, for here] a sign from God? ness. Just don’t try to make it discrimination on the basis of example? Does it have Ebola? We’re not saying it was or ours. We’re not trying to make sexual orientation, the U.S. Gov- Does it have a green card? wasn’t, we’re just raising the anybody worship pasta. ernment had decided that every- We would hate to be thought question. You can believe what- She Got It sdrawkcaB body is equal in marriage. cynical, but it should be noted Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis insists, however, that is- that, just for the record, Da- Davis seems blithely unencum- suing marriage licenses to same- vis gets paid pretty well. In one bered by that sort of forbearance. sex couples would result in her of the nation’s poorest counties, Otherwise, though, she seems personal damnation. We don’t where the per capita income uniquely qualifi ed to issue mar- understand why shuffl ing papers is just $17,094, she’s making riage licenses when she feels like bearing other peoples names is a $80,000 a year. it. She has plenty of experience more sinful than …. Let’s just say Before taking charge in Janu- with that type of paperwork. we don’t quite understand. ary she was Chief Deputy Clerk, Married four times and divorced A caller to the Diane Rehm working under her mother. She three, she had twins by her third Show summed up this situation had held that position since husband shortly after divorcing best. To paraphrase, Davis was 1991. In 2011, with overtime, she her fi rst. Her second husband has supposed to put her hand on the made $63,113. custody of the twins. Apparently Bible and swear to uphold the Cue the Hucksters it does take a village. Constitution. Instead, she wiped Davis can’t be fi red because Voters decided to put her in her feet on the Constitution and she’s an elected offi cial; but she Th e Flag Police, never known for their alacrity, have been even more slug- charge of issuing marriage li- swore to uphold the Bible. could be, and was, jailed for con- gish than usual this summer. Th at has given fl ag desecrators an ample sup- censes last November, and that’s Follow the Bible Money tempt of court. When she was ply of slack. Luck has run out, though, for the proprietor of an establishment what she’s going to do — assum- Obviously, Davis could avoid released after fi ve days, it was on Islington Street. Th e wheels of vexicological justice may turn slowly, but ing that the applicants meet with the dreaded Lake of Fire, with like a stone had been rolled away. eventually they found themselves across from the Sunoco station. her approval. or without the Jim Beam, if she’d Mike Huckabee, who just hap- Sworn in as County Clerk just resign from the damned job pened to be in the neighborhood, in January, she did her job for already. Let the nation become whipped up an old-fashioned re- about six months. Th en the Su- obsessed with some other absur- vival meeting. preme Court ruled in Oberge- dity. What about that loose emu Ted Cruz tried to get on stage

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CRS, GRI, ABR – 20 Years of Experience 239 Islington Street Portsmouth, NH 03801 603-686-2733 ,AFAYETTE0LAZA 2OUTE 0ORTSMOUTH  s-ON 3ATAM PM 3UNAM PM www.DianeSilvaRealty.com Th e New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, September 18, 2015 — Page 3 and soak up some of the atten- made the big time: Todd Starnes tion, but Huckabee, crafty old on the Fox Dispatch. stage manager that he is, blocked “It’s downright sacrilegious,” him with a few well-placed dea- said the author of Th ey Popped cons. My Hood and Found Gravy on A Refreshing Change the Dipstick, “but it’s not the fi rst Davis has done us all one small time that Democrats have tried favor. When you’re immersed to deify their leaders — as I doc- around the clock in other peo- umented … [whereupon Starnes ple’s religious dramas, it starts segues into a plug for another of to get a little tedious. As a reg- his books.]” istered Democrat, she’s added Bernie Comes to Jesus a welcome bit of variety to our Bernie Sanders is widely ac- steady media diet of self-ap- knowledged to have the ability pointed, fundamentalist religious to really fi re up an audience of martyrs. supporters. Th at’s probably why Nearer My Ward To Th ee he accepted the invitation from Portsmouth recently had its Liberty University. A less likely own politico-religious scandal. audience would be hard to fi nd. Senator Jeanne Shaheen came to News coverage of the event town on September 5th to kiss — such as it was —generally Hillary Clinton’s ring. During described his reception as cor- the festivities, Voices from the dial. We listened to the speech, Heart, a local womens chorus, and the question period that fol- serenaded her with a customized lowed. version of the spiritual, “Woke Th rough long familiarity, Up Th is Morning (With My Sanders is quite comfortable Mind on Jesus),” substituting the tossing out fi gures on income, candidate’s name for the Savior’s. wealth, and taxation. On Mon- As if on cue, conservative day, he seemed equally comfort- proval. Calling that “cordial” remains with us. For additional information about heads began exploding. Glenn able applying those hard facts to doesn’t adequately describe it. Baker is the award-winning OBHS programs and the Count- Beck’s website Th eBlaze had a religious themes. A Storm of Witchcraft: author of many works on the ing House, see www.oldberwick. 22-second video online the next For about half an hour he talk- Th e Salem Trials and history and archaeology of early org or call (207) 384-0000. day. Within hours, several hun- ed poverty, opportunity, inequal- the American Experience Maine and New England, in- 6th Annual Day dred individuals had used the ity, and the common values held Emerson “Tad” Baker, a pro- cluding A Storm of Witchcraft: Finally for this topic, Sep- site’s comment section to make by all faiths. fessor of History at Salem State Th e Salem Trials and the American tember 30th, a week from next disturbing revelations about the What we heard, in response, University, will speak in South Experience and Th e Devil of Great Wednesday, will be the 6th An- state of their mental health. was vigorous applause, many Berwick on Wednesday, Septem- Island: Witchcraft and Confl ict in nual Blasphemy Day. Two days later the scandal whistles, and loud shouts of ap- ber 23rd about the key players in Early New England. For thirteen Th e right of U.S. citizens to the Salem witchcraft crisis — the summers, Baker directed Old blaspheme was fi rst recognized accused witches and the people Berwick Historical Society’s ex- in Burnstyn v Wilson, decid- they allegedly bewitched, as well cavations at the Chadbourne Site ed May 26, 1952. At issue was as the judges and government (1643-1690) in South Berwick. Roberto Rossellini’s short fi lm offi cials who prosecuted them He has served as an advisor for L’Amore, in which the incompa- — illuminating why the tragedy PBS-TV’s “American Experi- rable Anna Magnani plays a dis- unfolded as it did. ence” and “Colonial House.” He turbed peasant who believes she Baker will show how the Pu- tweets on the Salem witch trials is the Virgin Mary. She is raped ritan Government’s attempts to and early New England history and impregnated by a charac- suppress what had taken place @EmersonWBaker. ter called “Saint Joseph,” played only fueled the popular imagi- Sponsored by the Old Berwick by Federico Fellini. Th e Court nation, and established the trials Historical Society [OBHS], the concluded that states may not as a turning point from Puritan program will be held at Ber- ban fi lms on the basis of a cen- communalism to Yankee inde- wick Academy’s Jeppesen Sci- sor’s conclusion that it is “sacri- pendence. He will also set the ence Center on Academy Street, legious.” Monday, nominally Jewish self-professed Democratic Socialist Bernie Sand- trials in the broader context starting at 7:30 p.m. Th e public In 2009, the Center for In- ers visited deeply conservative, fundamentalist Christian Liberty Universi- of American history from the is invited, the event is free, and quiry in Amherst, N.Y. founded ty, founded by Jerry Falwell. Inevitable culture clash, right? Wrong. 1620s up through the present, donations are welcome. Volun- Blasphemy Day to defend that and reveal the ways their legacy teers will serve refreshments. right. Use it or lose it, folks. Page 4 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, September 18, 2015

“No one is injured”? Not likely! to determine what to expect. Despite this particular bit of Not what to believe, but what to Hate Mail hyperbole, I look forward to the think. Th at process leaves me se- Mash Notes, chuckles you provide me as I riously questioning this deal. theological motivations, Iran has low-information desperados in squint through each of the Ga- Ronald Reagan was a sec- good reason to feel vindictive to- between. zette’s almanacs. However, I must ond-rate actor, which made him ward us — thanks, ARAMCO Some of the Presidential hope- admit some of them are painful a fi rst-rate President since poli- & CIA — which is all the more fuls are copying bits and pieces of reminders of man’s stupidity and tics seems to be all about blun- reason to be concerned about her Trump’s meandering statements inhumanity to man. dering deception. Th e Gipper real intentions. And it’s pretty hoping for a boost in their poll Sincerely, didn’t get much right. But his obvious that the secret parts of numbers but it may be a futile ]ohn McCormick dictum, “Trust, but verify,” cer- this deal were kept from us just move. Th e more that their thun- Chico, CA tainly rings true. We didn’t do because our leaders knew that der is stolen, the less are their John: that with North Korea, and now, they refl ect a potential disaster chances with the “children.” Bomb Witness Disputes Details Th ank you for writing. It’s excit- despite the assurances of our in the making. Iran, for whom Th e progressive movement is To the Editor: ing to hear from someone who was leaders at the time, we are deal- taqiyya is a religious obligation, very much alive and well. It is Oops! Although the FBI often actually there. ing with a psychotic, aggressor did this deal to free up money to still bringing hope to thinking, provides ample fields for satire, Our sources say that the FBI used nation which has been horri- buy sophisticated weapons from intelligent, well-informed peo- the item listed in your almanac shaped charges in an attempt to bly abusing its own citizens and Russia and North Korea and to ple. As always, the angry dimwits under Th ursday, August 27th, separate the mercury switches from threatening their neighbors and increase the generous aid she al- fall away until they can learn bet- 1980 isn’t one of them. I was stay- the body of the bomb. Considering the world. Only now they can do ready provides to various terror ter. ing at a friend’s home overlook- that this was the largest homemade so with nukes. Do we really want groups she supports. She will Helen McKinney ing Lake Tahoe and the Harvey’s bomb they’d ever seen, it would only to facilitate yet another such be- continue her present paths, only Sapphire, N.C. Resort Hotel at the time. After be prudent for them to assume that nighted achievement? now well subsidized and benefi t- Helen: initial examination, there wasn’t the thing was going to go off . Our country has done a lot that ing from our guarantees to de- You’re considerably more san- any attempt by anyone, FBI or Th e Editor is awful, leading the more honest fend her, if you can imagine that. guine that we are about those angry any agency, to defuse that pow- ≈≈≈ among our citizenry to justifi ably I certainly hope I’m wrong, but dimwits. erful bomb. It was announced to Distrust and Pray criticize major embarrassments it’s a gamble that history, theol- Th e Editor the public that the bomb was go- To the Editor: in U.S. history and to render ogy, and public declarations by ≈≈≈ ing to be intentionally detonated. Th ere was a naive optimism our current actions suspect. But Iran’s leaders suggest that we are Armed Illegal Aliens, Oh, My! In fact, the time for detonation expressed by the crew who wrote Iran is doing much that is far, far going to lose. Big time. And a To the Editor: was announced, albeit the explo- the letter headlined “Safer With worse. Encouraging their acqui- lot of others with us. Our lead- We often hear demands to do sion was a bit later than original- Iran Deal,” especially the ref- sition of nuclear weapons and ers blew it. It’s too late now to things “for the children.” When ly stated. Local law enforcement erences to their faith justifying their exponentiation of world- do anything rational. So that we hear of children being shot, explained to my friend that the their position (“Th ey believe … wide terrorism, and en passant would make it time to pray. Or stricter gun control laws are de- bomb had sophisticated mercury we believe”). Iran’s theocratic encouraging a nuclear arms race to believe. Us cynical atheists will manded. It’s said “to save even switches that a careless move- leaders are still decreeing “Death between Shias and Sunnis, even have a harder time of it. one child’s life,” it’s worth fur- ment could set it off . to Israel, Death to America” leaving Israel out of the equa- Richard Collier ther limiting the freedoms of the All morning we watched many based on Allah’s will. But in tion, doesn’t strike me as a great Portsmouth, N.H American people, even with new flatbed trucks carrying sandbags America, our faith is more amor- idea. And given the absence of Richard: laws that wouldn’t have saved a that were used to minimize the phous. We just believe. verifi able assurances of compli- We heartily applaud your rare single life. collateral damage of the explo- Th at people believe that Iran ance, we are traversing the exact acknowledgement of the universal But the politicians and media sion. Th e damage was extensive will honor its word — after years same twisted path we staggered possibility that you may only be- are selective in their concerns despite the sandbagging. of violating prior related pledg- down before. Th is is an absolute- lieve that you think. “for the children.” If an Ameri- Another scenario also can be es — puts those individuals in a ly classic example of Santayana’s Th e Editor can who isn’t a known criminal envisioned. What if the millions spiritual league with Khameini, dictum. Not only have we repeat- ≈≈≈ or gang member shoots a child, of dollars asked by the blackmail- whose determination also derives ed Chamberlain’s well-intended, Trump the Pied Piper even if current laws should have er was paid to him? And, good as from belief. But since I am a ra- optimistic blunder. We are also To the Editor: prevented the gun sale, then they his word, he sent instructions on tionalist, I try to think rather than repeating the North Korean I see by by the media that the demand restricting the rights of how to defuse the bomb, “Turn being sucked into faith-based debacle, which is Peace In Our GOP is having a hissy fi t about all Americans who use guns le- this screw, lift that plate, cut this wishful fantasies. (Or perhaps Time on steroids. Or more to the the Trump popularity in the gally and responsibly. wire, etc.” Who would be foolish I believe that I think? Current point, on Plutonium. Republican electorate — and it But the politicians and me- enough to try to follow the in- cognitive psychology insights Based on the evidence, some- certainly does fi gure as I see it dia don’t seem to care about the structions? Are you going to put force me to wonder.) I think that day we are going to look back on now: Mr. Trump is simply the more normal situation when il- your faith in the word of a black- one has a vital obligation to eval- Kerry with the same grim humor Pied Piper who is stealing all legal aliens (or known criminals mailer? By the way, how would uate cogently, to examine histor- which now is assigned to Cham- the “children” from the Tea Party or gang members) kill children you accidently explode a half-ton ical facts, current stated intent, berlain’s innocent but counter- showoff s, hardline bigots, wealth or other Americans. Th e number bomb and in your own words, and underlying cultural norms productive eff orts. Even ignoring admirers and all of the other of illegal aliens alone incarcerat-

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tween Iran and the P5+1 (United And Other Correspondence States, England, France, Germa- ny, Russia and China) will make ON SCREEN@ ed for homicide is surprisingly ning in August, 2014. Th e Pres- us less safe. She came to this THE MUSIC HALL high, about 25,000 according to ident has asked Congress twice conclusion, she claims, stating, a 2011 GAO report (compare to for legal authority to continue “Since July, I have carefully stud- TELLURIDE BY THE SEA 16,000 annual homicides). the fi ght and Congress has done ied the Iran nuclear agreement Fri.-Sun., September 18-20 • All Day • Historic Theater Just enforcing our current im- nothing. Legally our war against and questioned administration migration laws, requiring chang- the Islamic State should have offi cials, military leaders, and ex- es in policy but no additional ended ninety days after it began perts in numerous hearings and funding, could signifi cantly re- because Congress did not vote briefi ngs.” Th is claim rings very duce the killings, rapes, kidnap- to approve the continued use of hollow, considering Sen. Ayotte’s pings, robberies, brutalization, force. actions even before an agreement Extraordinary Cinema: and other crimes against Amer- Remember this when you hear was reached. (IAEA). It is also backed by a KURT COBAIN: MONTAGE OF HECK icans, including children, with- senators running for President When Sen. Ayotte signed the swift “snap back” of economic starts Tue., September 22 • 7pm • Loft out reducing the freedoms of boasting about how they will March 2015 letter to the Irani- sanctions provision if Iran fails law-abiding citizens. combat the Islamic State when an leaders with 46 of her Senate to meet its obligations under the Democrat and Republican they will not vote to do so today. Republican colleagues, basical- agreement. establishment politicians appar- Do they want to give the Islamic ly telling Iran that they oppose Once again, Sen. Ayotte has ently gain too much from illegal State free rein until 2017? John any nuclear deal that President demonstrated her inability to go immigration to stop it, no matter McCain, Kelly Ayotte and the Obama reached with them and beyond politics and truly act in Wildcard Movies: MERU how many American children 97 other members of their body’s the other members of the P5+1, a bipartisan manner. Fortunate- Wed., September 23 • 7pm • Loft and adults suff er. It’s time to drive inaction legally require a with- she disqualifi ed herself as being ly, this agreement will become a those politicians from offi ce and drawal of our troops and an end an objective, unbiased, nonpo- reality despite universal Republi- replace them with people who to the bombing. Th eir inaction litical participant in the process. can opposition, America will not will stop illegal immigration and endangers our national security. Opposing any deal, even before be isolated from the rest of the save many thousands of Ameri- Are they acting out of cowardice, a deal had been agreed to, clear- world, and the world will be a cans from harm. spite, or hatred of our president? ly made it impossible for her or safer place as a result. Extraordinary Cinema: IRRATIONAL MAN starts Fri., September 25 • 7pm • Historic Theater Don Ewing Our President is criticized for any of her colleagues to conduct Rich DiPentima, LTC, USAF Meredith, N.H ignoring Congress. In this case I a fair analysis of the agreement. (Ret.) Don: am glad he has. We need to be It certainly appears that all the Portsmouth, N.H Try taking a few deep breaths. attacking the Islamic State. answers to her questions from ≈≈≈ Th e Editor Saturday I listened to Senators the Administration, military PAC Porn ≈≈≈ Lindsey Graham and John Mc- leaders, and experts fell on deaf To the Editor: Do Your Job, Senators Cain talk about sending 10,000 ears, since most of these people Here we go again with more Film Matters: THE HUMAN EXPERIMENT To the Editor: troops to Iraq, yet Graham is on supported the agreement. She smarmy attack ads, this time Thu., October 1 • 7pm • Historic Theater Th e War Powers Act, also the Armed Services Committee also ignored the strong support trashing Maggie Hassan for known as the War Powers Res- and McCain is the Chairman. for the agreement provided by murdering heroin addicts in the olution of 1973, requires the Neither has voted to authorize Colin Powell, the former Chair- streets! How can the Democrats following: the President, upon the President to do so, or even man of the Joint Chief of Staff , possibly top such absurdity? sending troops into military ac- keep the 3,500 troops presently National Security Adviser and Chris Sununu pulling the wings tion, must notify Congress with- in Iraq. John McCain called the Secretary of State under Repub- off fl ies? Kelly Ayotte kicking Extraordinary Cinema: MISTRESS AMERICA in 48 hours that he has done so. president feckless. He needs to lican Presidents. General Pow- babies? Are there any grownups starts Fri., October 2 • 7pm • Historic Theater Th e Resolution also forbids mili- look in the mirror. ell stated, “Th e Iran agreement in this room? tary personnel from remaining in Stop being chickenhawks, shrinks Iran’s program, freezes it Apparently not, judging from a state of confl ict for more than Senators, and put national se- and wraps it all in an inspection the ad content. Th e good news 60 days (including an addition- curity before personal animosity regime stronger than any nego- is, New Hampshire voters are al 30 days for withdrawal). After and politics. tiated.” growing weary of this childish that, the President must seek an Walter Hamilton Sen. Ayotte quotes President political melodrama. Even bet- additional authorization from Portsmouth N.H Reagan saying, “trust, but verify.” ter, they’re starting to speak up. Congress or a formal declaration ≈≈≈ In fact, this agreement is stron- In fact, some suggest abandoning (603) 436-2400 of war. Th is is the law of the land, Ayotte Dissembling on Iran ger than what President Reagan New Hampshire’s fi rst-in-the- www.TheMusicHall.org but Congress refuses to accept its To the Editor: suggested. Th is agreement is not nation status so we can pawn LOFT: 131 Congress St., Portsmouth, NH responsibility. In her recent Portsmouth Her- based on trust at all, it is all based this nonsense off on some other BOX OFFICE: 28 Chestnut St., Portsmouth, NH Th e President began bombing ald “One View” commentary, on accountability, monitoring the Islamic State in July, 2014. Sen. Kelly Ayotte claims that and inspections by the Interna- Hate Mail, &c. He sent troops into Iraq begin- the Iran nuclear agreement be- tional Atomic Energy Agency to page six

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Th e Northcountry Chronicle Comma Karma by William Marvel absorbed little from Bob Fish- level — but that was back when of things, ideas, places, or people. transplanted residents this way: er’s sentence diagrams, but ob- eighth-graders could read a lot Th e serial comma follows “plac- “Bruno lives with Terry, his wife, n what I presume was a press sessive reading did give me the better than they do now. es” in that last sentence. and sister.” Th is punctuation im- Irelease, the Settlers’ Green re- good examples of other writers. In an infl exible AP world, con- Th e practice irritates me partly plies that Bruno lives with Terry, tail complex in North Conway I was also surprised how much sistency often trumps clarity. Th e because it’s petty and unneces- Terry’s wife, and Terry’s sister. recently announced it is drop- I learned about English gram- handbook requires some confus- sary, and partly because it inter- Stripped of the serial comma, as ping the apostrophe from its mar from college French and ing stylistic forms, and its rule rupts the lyrical rhythm for those it would be nowadays in the Sun, corporate name. Perhaps no one German. When I started writ- on mixed numbers is a good ex- who hear the words even when the same sentence would appear knows anymore where it’s sup- ing seriously, Strunk and White ample. Let’s say Tommy is mid- they read silently, as I do. In the as follows: “Bruno lives with posed to go, or even what it is; guided me past many stylistic way between his fi fth and sixth right circumstances, removing Terry, his wife and sister.” Terry after all, the story explained that roadblocks with their little man- birthdays. When asked how old the serial comma without rear- has changed from a man into a the company was “dropping the ual, but my real education in he is, he would proudly proclaim ranging the sentence — a fre- woman (admittedly a popular comma.” Whoever composed grammar only began after uni- himself “fi ve-and-a-half,” but the quent editorial blunder — also hobby these days), but now there the piece apparently regards versity presses started picking AP objects to writing out those creates misunderstanding. are only two people in the home the comma and the apostrophe up my books. Th eir professional numerals. Th e sensible thing, Another writer who dislikes — which is most likely a trailer, (and maybe the lower half of copyeditors introduced me to the then, would be to hyphenate AP style once ridiculed it by fol- and probably in Ossipee. the semicolon) as the same stray intricacies of the “Chicago Man- between the whole number and lowing its prohibition of serial Ancient Greeks wrote with- fragment of an emoticon. ual of Style,” and later I found the fraction (5-1/2), or to at least commas in proposing a fake ded- out any punctuation at all, and Punctuation is crucial to clari- that many commercial presses leave a space (5 1/2), but the AP ication for the fi rst book of a non- reading the text of an Athenian ty. As a 12-year-old I had plenty also rely on it. It answers near- insists on running everything to- existent author: “To my parents, scholar from that era must have of words for the stories I wanted ly every question a writer might gether — 51/2. To discriminat- Ayn Rand and God.” Without been something like trying to de- to write, but I was always stymied ask, and most of the better non- ing readers, that suggests Tommy the serial comma, that hypothet- cipher an e. e. cummings poem. by how to form the possessive of fi ction in the U.S. now refl ects is unsure of his exact age, but is ical author is transformed from Th e increasing indiff erence to plurals and nouns ending in “s,” the Chicago tradition. somewhere between 51 and 52. a Christian libertarian into a the little dots and squiggles or how to connect independent Newspapers, meanwhile, em- Prejudice against the serial delusional megalomaniac — al- that make sense of our jumbled clauses. Knowing the right punc- brace the “Associated Press comma is another inexplica- though I suppose the two aren’t thoughts could eventually lead tuation requires understanding Stylebook.” It’s shorter and ble AP mania, and it’s the one that diff erent. us right back into that classical the rules of grammar, and my cheaper, with simpler rules that I loathe the most. Some people Let’s imagine something incoherence. Judging by many of early grammar was only picked seem designed to produce even call the serial comma the Oxford that might appear in Th e Con- the electronic communications up by ear, from listening to my simpler prose, but then news- comma — mostly those hoping way Daily Sun, the local paper I’ve received or seen published, parents. Th e same was true of my papers generally aim for more to smear it as an elitist aff ecta- for which I write regularly. Th e and by excerpts I’ve read from profanity. pedestrian readers. Th e target tion, I suspect — and it consists Chicago manual would advise the presidential debate, I’d say In high school, with Chris- audience used to be described of the last comma before the punctuating a passage about the we’re well on our way. tine Stoykovich sitting nearby, I as reading at the eighth-grade conjunction in any simple series living arrangements of newly

More Mash Notes, Hate Mail, and Other Correspondence, from Page Five state. Of course, the shareholders placards, pulpits, and even the less tripe their PACs and nation- for improvement. the world, threats and disrespect and accountants at WMUR-TV candidates themselves. What can al organizations put on the air. Th ough we recoil in horror at the will lead to confl icts. Even if we might not agree. we do? With big out-of-state money suggestion that the State give up its don’t like our neighbor, show- Regardless, it appears New Winston Churchill once greasing the wheels, a healthy First in the Nation™ Presidential ing some respect and behaving Hampshire residents will be sit- proclaimed, “If you are going dose of voter backlash may be Primary Election® — after all, it’s non-threateningly will help us ting ducks in a media shooting through hell … keep going!” So it the only weapon we have in the our meal ticket — we do hope you’ll all to get along. Countries of- gallery for at least another thir- is, we must somehow prevail and war to wipe PAC porn off our keep writing. ten behave in the same manner, teen months. During that time, elect decent public offi cials de- fl at-screens! Th e Editor whether it is Iran or the U.S. Th e a steady stream of negativity, spite the daily barrage of mind- Rick Littlefi eld ≈≈≈ Iran Nuclear Deal may not be lies, and half-truths will roll in less malarkey meant to obfuscate Barrington, N.H Neighbors, Like Countries, the best possible deal, but it is the and wash over us like a tsunami. the facts and divert our focus. Rick: Resent Th reats & Want Respect best deal available when so many It will come at us via radio, TV, Th e one thing we can (and What a dense and intense con- To the Editor: participants all have to agree. emails, magazines, newspapers, must) do is complain loudly to glomeration of passionate cynicism, Whether in our neighbor- Diff erent countries and part- landlines, mailboxes, roadside our party leaders about the taste- tempered with a righteous demand hood or as a global neighbor in ners have diff erent, often hidden,

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Wine for the table, not for the cellar. Th e New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, September 18, 2015 — Page 7

It’s Time To Free Students From Higher-Ed Debt by Jim Hightower activism, graduate in four years, the subprime mortgage debt that loan money. Th ey overcharge er-education is wrong-headed. and obtain a debt-free start in crashed the economy in 2008. students so drastically that even We know that college and ad- n the 1960s, I attended the life. We just assumed that’s what Private, for-profi t, corporate those who graduate are stuck vanced-skill degrees today are IUniversity of North Texas, a college was supposed to be. It colleges are the biggest creators with nearly $40,000 in debt, and as essential to both individual public school blessed with good still ought to be, but for most of this looming danger. To say they deliver such poor education and national well-being as high teachers and an educational cul- students today, it’s not even close. there are lots of horror stories that graduates can’t get jobs with school diplomas used to be, so ture focused on enabling us stu- Indeed, a $1.3 trillion moun- about them is like saying there high-enough wages to repay the its time to redirect and reinvest dents to become socially useful tain of debt is weighing down are lots of ouchies in a bram- loans. David Halprin, author of in America’s future by making citizens. And it was aff ordable students at all types of U.S. col- ble patch. With brand names Stealing America’s Future, calls higher education free. — with close-to-free tuition leges, endangering our entire like University of Phoenix, ITT this predatory educational indus- Copyright 2015 by Jim High- and a part-time job, I could get a economy. Th at’s more than peo- Tech, Corinthian, Kaplan, and try “an immoral enterprise.” tower & Associates. Contact Laura good education, gain experience ple owe on credit cards or auto Strayer, they suck up some $32 America’s whole approach Ehrlich ([email protected]) in everything from work to civic loans — and it’ll soon surpass billion a year in federal student to ever-higher-priced, high- for more information. agendas. Th at is how our world with a need for respect, would why I recently heard a journalist the First Amendment designed Th ey have brought our govern- works, just like neighborhoods. and could overcome all of the ask him if he believed the Bible to prevent elected offi cials in ment to a halt. It is completely It appears that some countries obstacles, and in the end devel- should take precedence over the our country from placing your dysfunctional. in that neighborhood are more op such weapons. On the other Constitution in governing the chosen deity over 320,000,000 Th ere is plenty of blame to afraid of Iran as an economic hand, many countries have felt U.S.? Following a lengthy pause, Americans. go around for this situation. We power (including its oil), than a that they could do better without Dr. Carson answered, and I must If necessary, I‘d be very willing can blame the Republican Par- nuclear threat. So, unless we are them, even though they had the paraphrase, “it would depend on to go before the U.S. Supreme ty, Congress, the Koch brothers, planning to move out, or leave capabilities to develop them, e.g. what part of the Bible you were Court in Merritt v. Carson (and Wall Street, the bankers, the Su- for another solar system, we have Japan, and many EU talking about.” GOP) and argue the following: preme Court, or why not Obama to learn to respect our neighbors countries. I join with the over- Perhaps Dr. Carson is not run- “What could be more uncon- — he gets blamed for everything. and forget the threats. whelming number of nuclear sci- ning for President after all but stitutional than allowing a holy But, in fact, the fault lies with the In the world community, nu- entists and diplomats to express actually for White House Pastor book to take precedence over voters. Th e voter turnout in the clear weapons have become the my support for the Iran Deal. or leader of the Taliban or ISIS. the Constitution, the very doc- midterm election was 36.4 per- tool that gets respect, and keeps Th is is a good deal, and certainly Otherwise, I trust you found, as I ument that makes us the U.S.A. cent, the lowest since WW II. them safe from bigger more much better than any alterna- did, his response to a fundamen- and a democracy (constitutional And who is most likely to go to powerful nations. Just look at tives being suggested, e.g. a war, tal question to be fundamentally republic) as opposed to a Saudi the polls on a bad weather day, a North Korea, Israel, India or and I call on our representatives wrong and disturbing. However, Arabia, an oppressive theocracy busy work day, a large or small . However, these weap- in Congress to support it. it undeniably served as an ef- under Sharia Law?” family crisis day? Not the ordi- ons (and civilian nuclear energy, Peter Somssich fective appeal to the Religious Wayne H. Merritt nary commonsense people pre- because of its potential for bomb Portsmouth, N.H Right, one of the Republican’s Dover, N.H occupied with their lives, but the material) pose a threat to the en- ≈≈≈ most important voting blocs Wayne: passionate ones driven by fear tire world and we need to work America is Not a Th eocracy! (only second in importance to Watch out for that old Leftist and hate. aggressively to retire them. As a To the Editor: the “Low-informationed Na- weakness, logic. Do we really want them run- post-doc physicist I enrolled in a Th e conservative values voters tionalist” vote that Trump has Th e Editor ning our country? I wonder what two-semester course on nuclear (predominantly Evangelicals) secured with his infl ammatory ≈≈≈ the results would be if the other weapons and proliferation at my and politicians appear to be quite rhetoric about immigrants, mi- To the Polls, People! 60 percent voted for moderate, university. One of my assign- confused as to the type of gov- norities and women). It should To the Editor: reasonable people who were will- ments was to give a presentation ernment our framers had in mind come as no surprise that Carson Th e popularity of Donald ing to cooperate with others to on the technical measures that when they drafted our Constitu- is now polling second nationally. Trump has shone the light on solve real problems? would prevent the spread of nu- tion and equally perplexed over Anyone that has ever witnessed just how far from reality the Re- Cynthia Muse clear weapons. I was convinced what the Constitution says about a presidential inauguration or publican Party has moved. Th ere Rye, N.H that there were strong technical the role/non-role of religion in taken the Oath of Enlistment in has always been and there always Cynthia: means to prevent countries from our government. the U.S. Armed Forces certainly will be a small percentage of ex- You are spot on. acquiring such weapons. Despite Dr. Ben Carson is known for knows that one “solemnly swears tremists in any given population. We would note here that Bernie intensive research I came to the frequently injecting religion into to support and defend the Con- What is so frightening is that Sanders has called for Election Day conclusion that I was wrong. a conversation and for denying stitution of the United States they have taken over one of our to be a National Holiday, which Any country that was deter- the very science he heavily de- against all enemies foreign or major parties. Th ey are aff ecting would be a step in the right direc- mined to acquire such weapons, pended on as a brilliant neuro- domestic…..” Furthermore, the national policies and the lives of tion. because of perceived threats or surgeon. Hence, that is probably Constitution contains a clause in the rest of us in disturbing ways. Th e Editor Fertile Ground Passionate Plant Care for over 25 years Design • Garden Maintenance • Pruning Diane Perkins (603) 770-4946 [email protected] Member NHLA NHAA

Alternative Clothing & Goods 33 Vaughan Mall • Portsmouth, NH 03801 • (603) 431-2243 • WaterMonkey.com Tapestries, Posters, Rugs Candles, Incense Great Hats, Local Tie Dyes, & Silver Rings Page 8 — The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, September 18, 2015 Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide (Not for Navigational Purposes)

Portsmouth, arguably the fi rst whom you choose to believe. drags about seventeen billion moves from the mouth of the Twice a day, too, the moon lets all Badger’s Island, bobbing around in and bridges work their hardest. town in this country not founded Th e Piscataqua’s ferocious current gallons of seawater — enough to river, up past New Castle, around that water go. All the seawater that the current. It weighs several tons, Ships coming in laden with coal, by religious extremists, is bounded is caused by the tide, which, in fi ll 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the bend by the old Naval Prison, just fought its way upstream goes and it bobs and bounces in the oil, and salt do so at high tide, for on the north and east by the turn, is caused by the moon. Th e the river and into Great Bay. Th is under Memorial Bridge, past the back home to the ocean. Th is is current like a cork. more clearance under their keels. Piscataqua River, the second, third, other player is a vast sunken valley creates a roving hydraulic confl ict, tugboats, and on into Great Bay. when the Piscataqua earns its title Th e river also has its placid mo- Th ey leave empty, riding high in or fourth fastest-fl owing navigable — Great Bay — about ten miles as incoming sea and the outgoing Th is can best be seen when the tide for xth fastest current. Look for the ments, around high and low tides. the water, at low tide, to squeeze river in the country, depending on upriver. Twice a day, the moon river collide. Th e skirmish line is rising. red buoy, at the upstream end of When the river rests, its tugboats under Memorial Bridge. Sunday, September 20 Monday, September 21 Tuesday, September 22 Wednesday, September 23 Thursday, September 24 Friday, September 25 Saturday, September 26

2006—“Th e devil came here yester- 2001—George Tenet informs 2003—“A year from now,” says 1999—Th e $328 million Mars 2007—A plane previously used for 2008—Somali pirates capture the 2011—Dick “Dick” Cheney is day,” says Hugo Chavez to the UN, Dick “Dick” Cheney that his al- Richard Perle, “I’ll be very sur- Climate Orbiter burns on landing “rendition” fl ights carrying alleged MV Faina, a 500-foot freighter stuck in a Vancouver building while “and it smells of sulfer still today.” leged Iraq/al-Qaeda link is fi ction. prised if there is not some grand because Lockheed Martin used Im- terrorists to Guantanamo Bay with a cargo of 33 Soviet tanks. police clear an angry mob. 2001—George W.[MD] Bush declares Cheney, however, is not dissuaded. square in Baghdad that is named perial measure, not metric. crashes in the Yucatan carrying 3.3 2007—Texas kills Michael Richard 2002—George W.[MD] Bush claims “War on Terror” before a joint session of 1988—A pro-Bush PAC begins after President Bush.” 1974—Fort Knox opens for inspec- tons of cocaine. on schedule because Judge Sharon that “the Iraqi regime possesses bio- Congress. It takes him seriously. running the “Willie Horton” ad. 1980—Th e Iran-Iraq War begins. tion to quell a tabloid rumor. 2006—Th e Times pub- Keller refused to work overtime. logical and chemical weapons.” 1968—A U.S. military spokesman 1976—Ex-Chilean Ambassador 1975—Sarah Jane Moore shoots 1960—Alan Ginsberg, Peter Or- lishes a leaked intelligence docu- 2003—An early draft of an inter- 1991—Th e House bank announces in Saigon says Agent Orange pro- to the U.S., Orlando Letelier, and at President Gerald Ford, but lovsky, and LeRoi Jones meet in ment concluding that the Iraq War im report from weapons inspectors that, after covering 8,331 rubber duces no harmful eff ects. an assistant are assassinated by car Oliver Sipple, a disabled former Manhattan with Fidel Castro. has increased the threat of radical in Iraq says no WMD have been checks written by Congressmen 1958—A deranged woman stabs bomb in Washington, D.C. Marine and Vietnam vet, defl ects 1952—Trying to convince Ameri- Islamic terrorism. found. over the past year, it will stop. Martin Luther King while he au- 1970—On his 20th birthday, a pre- the gun. cans that he’s not a crook, Richard 2006—George W.[MD] Bush tells 2002—George W.[MD ] Bush says 1983—Lt. Col. Stanislav Petrov tographs books in Harlem. med student is busted at O’Hare 1973—Henry Kissinger becomes Nixon cites his daughters’ dog in a Wolf Blitzer, “When the fi nal his- “You can’t distinguish between al disregards malfunctioning Red 1945—German rocket scientist Airport with ten pounds of pot. Bill Secretary of State. televised speech. Many are fooled. tory is written on Iraq, it will look Qaeda and Saddam when you talk Army computers showing fi ve at- Werner von Braun begins working Murray gets off with probation. 1970—President Nixon requests 1945—French forces overthrow the just like a comma.” about the war on terror.” tacking American nuclear missiles. for the U.S. 1957—Hurricane Carrie and a another 1,000 FBI agents to spy Democratic Republic of Vietnam. 2005—Human Rights Watch re- 1981—Sandra Day O’Connor be- World War III is averted; Col. 1830—In Philadelphia, 38 free badly-trimmed load of barley sink on college campuses. Th e U.S. acquiesces. ports that U.S. troops routinely beat comes America’s fi rst female Su- Petrov is reprimanded. blacks form the National Negro Pamir, the last cargo-carrying 1959—Fire Commissioner Rob- 1938—A time capsule is buried at and tortured detained Iraqis. preme Court Justice. 1960—John Kennedy and Richard Convention to abolish slavery. windjammer, off the Azores. Six ert J. Quinn sounds the air-raid the New York World’s Fair to be 2001—Tony Blair publishes a dos- 1966—Th e smallest crowd in the Nixon hold the fi rst televised presi- 1797—Th e frigate Constitution is crewmembers survive, 80 drown. sirens to celebrate the White opened in 6939. sier claiming erroneously that Iraq history of Yankee Stadium—413— dential debate. launched in Boston. 1956—Anastasio Somoza, dictator Sox’s pennant win. Many Chi- 1930—Birth of Ray Charles. can launch WMDs in 45 minutes. watches the White Sox beat the 1945—American OSS offi cer Lt. 1797—Captain Pigot of HMS of Nicaragua, is fatally shot by Ro- cagoans assume it’s war with the 1912—Release of Mack Sennett’s 1981—CIA Director William Ca- Yankees 4-1. Col. A. Peter Dewey is killed in Hermoine orders that the bodies of liberto Lopez, a poet. Russkies. fi rst “Keystone Comedy.” sey urges that intelligence agencies 1962—While listening to the fi rst Saigon by Viet Minh guerrillas who three sailors who died trying to ful- 1953—No Kum-Sok, a Lieutenant 1949—After putting vast eff ort 1848—John Curtis, of Bangor, be exempted from the Freedom of Liston/Patterson fi ght, Vivian have mistaken him for a French of- fi ll his orders be thrown overboard. in the North Korean Air Force, de- and expense into it, the USSR begins producing “State of Maine Information Act. Stanshall and Rodey Slater form fi cer. Before his death, Dewey fi led 1777—British troops conduct a fects to South Korea via MiG-15. blows up its fi rst A-bomb. Pure Spruce Gum,” the fi rst com- 1978—On his yacht in Chesapeake the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. a report saying the U.S. “ought to surprise nighttime bayonet attack 1938—New England is clobbered 1927—Dempsey loses to Tunney mercial chewing gum. Bay, right-handed CIA spook John 1959—Th e U.S. Navy loses a nu- clear out of Southeast Asia.” near present-day Malvern, Pa. Th e by a nameless 183 m.p.h. hurricane in the famous “Long Count.” 1838—Birth of Victoria Chafl in Paisley takes a shotgun blast behind clear depth charge, minus its fi ssile 1933—Th e same day G-Men arrest Paoli Massacre leaves 272 either that kills up to 700. 1905—Th e tally after a race riot Woodhull, a proponent of free love his left ear. It’s ruled suicide. core, in Puget Sound. Machine Gun Kelly, ten men es- dead, wounded, or missing. 1897—A New York Sun editorial in Atlanta is 10 dead blacks and and the fi rst female presidential 1969—Th e Show Trial of the “Chi- 1926—Henry Ford announces the cape from an Indiana prison using 1565—Spanish forces slaughter lies to a girl named Virginia, telling 2 dead whites. candidate. cago 8” begins. 8 hour, 5 day work week. guns smuggled in by John Dillinger. 135 Frenchmen in Florida, “for her a mythical “Santa Claus” is real. 1904—Jim O’Rourke, 54, gets 1806—Lewis, Clark, and almost all 1968—Protestors destroy 10,000 1915—At Loos, France, British 1911—Th e Battle of the Meuse-Ar- heresy.” It’s the fi rst clash of Euro- 1895—Th e Duryea Motor Wagon his last hit in a Giants uniform. the rest of the gang make it back to draft fi les in Milwaukee, Wis. forces release 150 tons of chlorine gonne begins, the last great battle of pean colonialists in the New World. Company, fi rst U.S. maker of auto- In 1876, he had made the fi rst St. Louis. 1957—Th e Dodgers play their last gas towards German troops. Th en the War to End All Wars. 1378—French cardinals elect Rob- mobiles, starts its engines. base hit in National League his- 1800—Birth of Wm. H. McGuff ey, game at Ebbetts Field. the wind shifts. 1901—Abraham Lincoln’s body is ert of Geneva, aka “Th e Butcher of 1797—Th e crew of HMS Hermoine tory. author of McGuff ey’s Reader. 1911—Portsmouth native Ensign 1911—Ground is broken for Fen- viewed one last time before being Cesena,” to be Pope Clement VII, slaughters eight offi cers, heaves 1823 —Th e Angel Moroni tells 1779—John Paul Jones takes the Charles Emerson Hovey, 26, is shot way Park. covered with two tons of concrete. bringing the current number of their bodies overboard, and hands Joseph Smith where to fi nd the British ship Serapis as the Bonhom- and killed by natives on the island 1789—Congress passes the Bill of Among the 23 present is Fleetwood Popes to two. the ship over to the Spanish. golden tablets. me Richard sinks under him. of Basilan in the Philippines. Rights. Linley, 13, who lives until 1963. 4:19 4:36 5:13 5:32 6:12 6:33 7:14 7:35 8:15 8:36 9:12 9:34 10:05 10:28

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Sunday, September 27 Monday, September 28 Tuesday, September 29 Wednesday, September 30 Thursday, October 1 Friday, October 2 Saturday, October 3 2002— Donald Rumsfeld calls the 2005—Tom DeLay (R-TX) be- 2006—Anti-child porn crusad- 2005—NY Times reporter Judith 2013—In the interests of fi scal 2003—Survey chief David Kay 2009—COP Keating, in Nuristan, alleged link between al Qaeda and comes the fi rst House Majority er U.S. Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) Miller tells a Grand Jury that discipline, Republicans force a reports that his three-month, badly-sited and scheduled for Iraq “accurate and not debatable.” Leader indicted for violating cam- resigns after his lurid e-mails to Dick “Dick” Cheney leaked Valerie government shutdown, costing the $300 million search for Iraqi abandonment, is mostly overrun by 1996—In Kabul, the Taliban — paign fi nance laws. Five days later young male pages are revealed. Plame’s name to her. economy $24 billion. WMD has turned up squat. Taliban fi ghters who capture weap- former seminarians — torture, he resigns. 2003—Th e White House denies 2003—George W.[MD ] Bush 2003—Th e Free State Project se- 2002—George W.[MD] Bush ons and ammunition, leaving eight castrate, and kill Mohammad Na- 2005—Th e Pentagon says it will that Karl Rove had revealed the vows to fi nd out who leaked CIA lects New Hampshire as its liber- calls Iraq “a threat of unique ur- Americans dead and 27 wounded. jibullah, President of . investigage charges that soldiers name of CIA agent Valerie Plame. agent Valerie Plame’s name. tarian paradise, with the blessing of gency,” because of its WMDs. 2006—Republicans in Congress try 1994—On the Capitol steps, 350 posted photos of dead Iraqis online 1988—Th e Veterans Peace Convoy 1998—Th e GAO reports that Ken Gov. Craig Benson. 1991—Th e Philippine Senate, to “roll over” $20 million set aside GOP candidates vow to take out a in exchange for free access to porn. to Nicaragua wins a lawsuit pre- Starr had spent $40 million in a 2002—Th e U.S. Northern Com- disregarding the devastating ef- for a celebration of victory in Iraq. Contract with America. Th ey must 2002—George W.[MD] Bush venting the Executive branch from failed eff ort to nail Bill Clinton. mand is established to “Defend fect it will have on the Olongapo 2003—Th e National Enquirer re- have meant “on.” claims Iraq has WMDs, al Qaeda regulating or prohibiting foreign 1962—César Chávez founds what America’s Homeland”—posse comi- sex industry, votes to chuck the ports that Rush Limbaugh is being 1991—For the fi rst time in decades, terrorists, and a nuke coming soon. aid that is intended to relieve hu- becomes the United Farm Workers. tatus be damned. U.S. Navy out of Subic Bay. investigated for illegally procuring the U.S. has no nuclear-armed 2001—To avoid further scorn in man suff ering. 1960—“Th e Howdy Doody Show” 2002—George W.[MD] Bush 1989—Televangelist Jim Bakker, prescription opioids. B-52’s on alert. these pages, Fleet Bank removes 1980—Th e Washington Post pub- airs for the last time. claims he hasn’t “made up his mind on the witness stand in his own 1993—Berlin, N.H. native Mi- 1989—To show kids there are more its 18-foot tall green, illuminated lishes Janet Cook’s Pulitzer-win- 1954—U.S.S. Nautilus, the fi rst we’re going to war with Iraq.” trial on 24 counts of fraud and chael Durant’s helicopter is one of constructive things to do than take sign from the middle of Pleasant ning story about a fi ctional 8 year- atomic-powered ship, is launched. 1973— Despite many failures to meet conspiracy, blames Jerry Falwell two shot down in the First Battle drugs, Jeff rey Petkovitch and Peter Street’s sidewalk. old junkie. 1950—Pres. Harry S Truman signs service requirements, George W.[MD] for the fi nancial collapse of his of Mogadishu. He’s played by Ron DeBernardi climb into a barrel and 1978—Th e papacy of John Paul I 1972—On Vineyard Sound, a NSC-68, a blueprint to contain Bush is discharged honorably from the God-racket PTL Ministries. Eldard in Black Hawk Down. go over Niagara’s Horseshoe Falls. ends with his death under mysteri- short, bearded man in sneakers Communism—and reap presumed Texas Air National Guard. 1980—Michael Myers (D-Pa.) be- 1991—House Speaker Tom Foley 1972—Th e fi rst stretch of the ous circumstances. fails in his spontaneous attempt to Keynsian economic benefi ts. 1964—Campus cops at U.C. comes the fi rst Rep. expelled in 120 (D-Wash.) says members owe the Trans-Amazonian Highway opens; 1964—UC Berkeley students pro- throw former Defense Secretary 1949—Th e Berlin Airlift ends after Berkeley try to arrest Jack Wein- years, for bribe-taking and conspir- House restaurant $300,000. bye-bye rain forest, hello global test free speech restrictions. Robert Strange McNamara off the 277,000 fl ights. berg; big strategic error. Th e Free acy. Why only him? Who knows. 1986—A fi re breaks out aboard the warming. 1960—Ted Williams takes the ferry M.V. Islander. 1938—Th anks to the Munich pact, Speech Movement ensues. 1978—With the Yankees and Soviet missile sub K-219. Th e Reds 1964—Th e Warren Commission plate at Fenway for his last at bat 1969—Th e U.S. Army drops mur- peace is assured. 1952—Th e fi rst issue of Mad Mag- Red Sox tied for the season, a blame an alleged collision with the reports that Lee Harvey Oswald, and hits his 521st home run. der charges against Special Forces 1929—German sportsman Fritz azine is unleashed on an unsuspect- playoff game is held; it’s decided USS Augusta. Th e Pentagon blames acting alone, killed President John 1938—At Munich, British and Col. Robert Rheault—the CIA von Opel fl ies a glider powered by ing world. by a three-run homer hit by New sloppy Commy work habits. F. Kennedy. French diplomats give Hitler the won’t let its agents testify. 16 solid propellant rockets, achiev- 1917—Arabs led by T.E. Lawrence York’s Bucky F. Dent. 1980—Moral Majority co-founder 1957—Th e United Kingdom tests a Sudetenland and the GOP a future 1959—Maynard G. Krebs is intro- ing a speed of 95 m.p.h. capture Damascus. 1967—Th urgood Marshall be- and U.S. Rep. Bob Bauman (R- nuke on aboriginal lands in Maral- talking point. duced on CBS, insidiously destroy- 1927—Babe Ruth gets his 60th. 1903—Fred Van Wormer’s au- comes the fi rst black Justice on Md. ) is charged with making sexual inga, South Australia. 1917—166 activists of the Inter- ing a whole generation. 1864—Black Union soldiers cap- topsy is interrupted because he is the Supreme Court. solicitations to an under-aged boy. 1944—A group of 35 U.S. B-24s, national Workers of the World are 1957—A Soviet nuclear fuel plant ture Confederate entrenchments at still breathing. Taken back to Sing 1919—Woodrow Wilson suff ers 1973—Donald Segretti testifi es be- isolated over Germany by a nav- arrested for interfering with the war at Kyshtym blows up, kills hun- battle of New Market Heights. Sing’s electric chair, he is found to a massive stroke; America gets its fore the Senate about dirty tricks he igational error, are jumped by 100 eff ort. dreds, and spews more radiation 1630—In Plymouth, John Bill- have died. He is electrocuted again fi rst woman president. used to get Nixon re-elected. enemy fi ghters; four survive. 1904—In New York a woman is ar- than anything until Chernobyl. Th e ington becomes the fi rst Pilgrim anyway, just for good measure. 1918—Th e Lost Battalion, 550 1968—Gen. Curtis LeMay, former 1944—Th e U.S. government begins rested for smoking a cigarette. CIA suppresses the news to protect hanged for murder. 1860—In San Francisco, Emperor former New York street urchins, Strategic Air Command chief and large-scale production of plutoni- 1891—In New York a 72 year-old the U.S. nuclear industry. 1542—Johannes Gutenberg pub- Norton I issues a decree barring get cut off behind German lines American Independent Party Vice um on land taken from the Yakama writer named Herman Melville 1906—To “protect American inter- lishes Th e Bible. Th e presumed au- Congress from meeting in Wash- in the Argonne. In one week, two Presidential Candidate, advocates Indian Nation. dies in obscurity. ests,” U.S. troops go to Cuba. thor gets no royalties. ington, D.C. thirds are killed or captured. use of nuclear weapons in Vietnam. 10:56 11:20 11:45 12:12 12:34 1:02 1:23 1:54 2:13 2:47 3:06 3:44 4:02

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