Advance Uncorrected Proofs/Not for Resale/Available March 2014 As a young girl in Bangalore, Gayathri was surrounded by the fragrance of jasmine and Ramprasad in the Sun Gayathri Shadows flickering oil lamps, her family protected by Hindu gods and goddesses. But as she grew older, demons came forth from the dark corners of her fairytale-like kingdom—with the scariest creatures lurking within her. The daughter of a respected Brahmin family, Gayathri began to feel different. “I can hardly eat, sleep, or think straight. The only thing I can do is cry unending tears.” Her parents insisted it was all in her head. Because traditional Hindu culture has no concept of depression, no doctor could diagnose and no medicine could heal her mysterious illness. This beautifully written memoir traces Gayathri’s courageous thirty-year battle with the depression that consumed her from adolescence through marriage and a move to the United States. It was only after the birth of her first child, when her husband discovered her in the backyard “clawing the earth furiously with my bare hands, intent on digging a grave so that I could bury myself alive,” that she finally got the help she needed. After a stay in a psych ward she eventually found “the light within,” an emotional and spiritual awakening from the darkness of her tortured mind. Gayathri’s inspiring story provides a first-of-its-kind cross-cultural lens to mental illness—the very different way it is (or is not) regarded in India and in America, and the way she drew on both her rich Hindu heritage and Western medicine to find healing. Gayathri Ramprasad is president of ASHA International, a nonprofit organization promoting personal, organizational, and community wellness. An international voice for the acceptance of people with mental illness, she has earned several prestigious awards. Publicity Contact: Claire McKinneyPR, LLC Communication Strategies for the 21st Memoir Century 973-763-1920 Trade paperback, 6 x 9 [email protected] 288 pages $15.95 Distribution Contact: Perseus Distribution Also available as an e-book 800-343-4499 ISBN: 978-1-61649-475-9 [email protected] Order No. 4137 Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 Advance Praise for Shadows in the Sun “This is an inspiring and heartwarming story. For millions of people suffering from mental illnesses, this is a vivid illustration that there is light at the end of the tunnel. What makes this book unique is its cross-cultural context of the life of an immigrant. Gayathri migrated not only from India to the U.S., but also into and out of a serious mental illness. Everyone who struggles with a mental illness, or who knows anyone with depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness, must read this engrossing true story of courage in the face of heartbreaking adversity.” —Dilip V. Jeste, M.D., distinguished professor of psychiatry and neurosciences, University of California–San Diego, and president, American Psychiatric Association “Weaving together colorful threads from two different cultures in rich, beau- tiful prose, Gayathri pens a memoir about an anguishing mental illness that ends in redemption and grace. Hers is a powerful story of hope, resilience, and recovery.” —Therese Borchard, author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes “This is a superb memoir of an Indo-American woman’s growth from child- hood to adulthood as she struggles with the challenges of developing a bicultural identity complicated by severe recurrent depression. Beginning with her life in a loving and successful family in Bangalore, the author beau- tifully describes the details of Indian family life, including the rituals and values that contribute to family and social support and cohesion. But at the same time she eloquently describes her wrenching emotional struggle with depression as a young woman in the context of intense personal and family expectations to excel first as a student and daughter in India, and then as a wife and mother in America. Through her own personal talents and strengths, along with support from family, friends, and mental health professionals, she becomes a leader and outspoken mental health advocate in cultural communities that have traditionally avoided the reality of mental illness. In a style that evokes great empathy from the reader, the author poetically describes the struggle of developing a personal identity that spans widely disparate cultures, and in the process drawing on and celebrating the strengths of each culture.” Advance Uncorrected Proofs —James Boehnlein, MD, professor of psychiatry, Intercultural Psychiatry Not for resale Program, Oregon Health and Science University School of Medicine Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 1 11/6/13 10:15 AM “Shadows in the Sun opens a world never before described in memoir form— that of a woman raised in India and forced to face her mental illness in America without traditional family support or understanding. Gayathri’s colorful, harrowing, and ultimately uplifting life story transcends memoir and becomes history.” —Julie A. Fast, author, columnist, and winner of a Mental Health America media award “By her courageous willingness to share her most private horrors, Gayathri Ramprasad will touch many hearts. In addition to helping people with depres- sion feel hope and companionship in their sorrows, this memoir will touch the caregivers—both family members and service providers. Ramprasad sheds light on the person in the darkness, providing a reminder that depression is a matter of life and death, that this illness casts a very wide shadow, and that even the smallest spark of hope can light the candle that guides the way back from despair.” —Patricia B. Nemec, PsyD, CRC, CPRP Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 2 11/6/13 10:15 AM Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 3 11/6/13 10:15 AM Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 4 11/6/13 10:15 AM Gayathri Ramprasad Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 5 11/6/13 10:15 AM Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012 hazelden.org © 2014 by Gayathri Ramprasad All rights reserved. Published 2014. Printed in the United States of America No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or trans- mitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, record- ing, scanning, or otherwise—without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA Ramprasad, Gayathri. Shadows in the sun : healing from depression and finding the light within / Gayathri Ramprasad. pages cm ISBN 978-1-61649-475-9 (softcover) 1. Ramprasad, Gayathri—Mental health. 2. Depression, Mental—India. 3. Postpartum depression—India. 4. Depressed persons—United States—Biography. 5. Mind and body therapies. I. Title. RG852.R36 2014 616.85'270092—dc23 [B] 2013035456 Editor’s notes: This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care profes- sionals. Some names, details, and circumstances have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned in this publication. 18 17 16 15 14 1 2 3 4 5 6 Cover design: Jon Valk Interior design: Kinne Design Advance Uncorrected Proofs Typesetting: BookMobile Design & Digital Publisher Services Not for resale Developmental editor: Sid Farrar Available March 2014 Production editor: Mindy Keskinen ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 6 11/6/13 10:15 AM THIS IS A WORK of creative nonfiction. The events are portrayed to the best of the author’s memory. While all the stories in this book are true, some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved. The conversations in the book all come from the author’s recollec- tions, though they are not written to represent word-for-word tran- scripts. Rather, the author has retold them in a way that evokes the feeling and meaning ;of what was said, and, in all instances, the essence of the dialogue is accurate. Depression and the medications and electroconvulsive therapy used to treat it can seriously damage recollection. Where the author’s mem- ory has failed her, she has interviewed family members to fill in the gaps. A glossary of Indian words appears at the back of this book. Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 7 11/6/13 10:15 AM Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 8 11/6/13 10:15 AM To my parents, for giving me the gift of life; To my husband, for his undying love and support; To my daughters, who are my reason and reward for living. And, to you, my dear readers, let us come together to create a world of understanding, compassion, and inclusion, where every man, woman, and child suffering from mental illness is provided the love and support they need to thrive in life. Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 9 11/6/13 10:15 AM Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 10 11/6/13 10:15 AM Into my heart’s night Along a narrow way I groped; and lo! The light, An infinite land of day. — Rubaiyat of Rumi Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 11 11/6/13 10:15 AM Advance Uncorrected Proofs Not for resale Available March 2014 ShadowsintheSun_i-xviii_1-272.indd 12 11/6/13 10:15 AM CONTENTS Acknowledgments .................................................