Jitterbug Juliet

Home , Crazy Kids, Jitterbug, MC4 (mixtape)

Book by Mark Dissette Music and Lyrics by Bill Francoeur

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JITTERBUG JULIET

Book by MARK DISSETTE Music and lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR

CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order of Speaking) # of lines NARRATOR ...... Shakespearean 5 MR. MONTAGUE ...... successful, yet struggling with his 59 business BETTY ABRAHAM ...... quiet, unassuming accountant who 33 dreams of conquering her fears and being something bigger one day BRAD GREGORY ...... Montague’s lawyer; evil and slimy, 49 despite first appearances as a nice guy RON MONTAGUE ...... son of Montague; a dashing 65 young man who’s charming, caring, handsome, happy-go-lucky and a good dancer MAYOR ...... more hot air than a balloon 24 festival; loves to come in and take over; is always shadowed by the Yes People THE YES PEOPLE ...... never far from the mayor, they live 10 to tell her “yes”; it’s like watching ants hovering around to make sure the mayor is happy; there can be any number of Yes People JUDY ...... appears to be a cleaning lady who 20 has a bit of a hearing issue, but looks can be deceiving; walks with a slight limp from a war wound MR. CAPULET ...... considers himself to be a great 46 director, but he’s not; at one time best of friends with Montague JULIET CAPULET...... daughter of Capulet; she’s a young 84 beauty with brains and a sense of humor

MERCY O’REILY ...... Ron’s best friend; a bundle of 37 energy who’s always ready with a quip to set off those in charge; goes a hundred miles an hour and laughs a lot DANCERS: ...... energetic and excited, they just love to dance; as many as your stage can hold GIRL ONE ...... a dancer; 5 BOY ONE ...... another dancer 4 BOY TWO ...... another dancer 2 GIRL TWO ...... another dancer 3 GIRL THREE ...... another dancer 1 SPIDER JOHNSON ...... wiry little fellow with quick eyes 64 and even quicker hands; starts out as a weasel, but who knows? THE ACTORS: ...... they mean well; however, their talents aren’t quite up to the task of the Bard; uncoordinated and melodramatic, the broader their performance, the funnier MARK ...... an actor in Romeo and Juliet; 9 plays Mercutio ROBERT ...... another actor; plays Tybalt 6 JOHN ...... another actor; plays Romeo 11 ALAN ...... another actor; plays Benvolio 8 CHORUS ...... again, as many energetic performers as your stage can handle

SET DESCRIPTION The set is a large dance hall. There are a few small tables with chairs are set around the space. The center is open. A banner hangs in the back of the hall with “The Verona Room” lettered on it.

iii

SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS MC1 We Got It All in Our Town–Prologue...... Narrator, Company

MC2 Heartburn ...... Mr. Montague, Ron, Brad MC3 Jitterbug Juliet ...... Mercy, Juliet, Ron, Chorus MC4 We’re So Bad ...... Brad, Spider

MC5 Think Like a Winner ...... Juliet, Robert, Mark,

Alan, John

MC5a Romeo and Juliet–Underscore ...... Juliet, Ron, Mr. Capulet MC5b We Got It All in Our Town–Reprise ...... Narrator, Cast MC5c Entr’acte–Jitterbug Juliet ...... Instrumental MC5d Romeo and Juliet–Underscore ...... Instrumental MC6 Listen to the Beat ...... Ron, Juliet, Chorus

MC7 Jump ’n’ Jive ...... Betty, Mercy, Chorus

MC8 Old Friend of Mine ...... Mr. Capulet, Mr. Montague, Chorus MC8a Romeo and Juliet–Underscore ...... Instrumental MC8b Jump ’n’ Jive–Underscore ...... Instrumental MC8c Jitterbug Juliet–Reprise ...... Juliet, Ron, Company MC8d Curtain Call–Jump ’n’ Jive ...... Cast

JITTERBUG JULIET

ACT ONE Scene One 1 AT RISE: In the dance hall. MUSIC CUE 1: “We Got It All in Our Town– Prologue.” The NARRATOR ENTERS, crosses to CENTER. She carries a copy of the script. As she begins, the rest of the CAST ENTERS from RIGHT and LEFT. As the NARRATOR speaks, she moves DOWN RIGHT 5 to give room to the first group. NARRATOR: (Speaks.) In Venice Beach, where we do set this tale, an ancient grudge does threaten to prevail. As students gather to rehearse a play, and others come to dance the night away, when they find their schedules do compete, there, a pair of star-cross’d 10 lovers meet. CAST: (Sings.) Come on and join the masquerade, A Romeo and Juliet cavalcade, The big band forties and the hit parade. We got it all in our town! 15 GIRLS: (Sing.) Come on along, now take a ride. Swing a little, sway a little side by side, BOYS: (Sing.) Jitterbug, boogie woogie, slip ’n’ slide, ALL: (Sing.) We got it all in our town! GIRLS: (Sing.) There’s Romeo and Juliet,

20 BOYS: (Sing.) Montague and Capulet, GIRLS: (Sing.) Benvolio and Tybalt, too.

ALL: (Sing.) We got ’em all for you, you bet! Come on along, don’t hesitate. There’s one thing sure to aggravate. 25 When the curtain goes up don’t walk in late. We got a jail in our town! Our town! Our town! (MUSIC UNDER following dialogue.) NARRATOR: (As the NARRATOR speaks, each character moves to CENTER and presents themselves and then moves RIGHT and LEFT 30 to make room for the next character. MR. MONTAGUE and MR. CAPULET move CENTER. Speaks.) Here, Montague and Capulet we see, once loving friends, now bitter enemies. (RON and JULIET move CENTER.) And now doth come the son of Montague. His name is Ron, just home from N.Y.U. He soon will look with love 35 on Juliet, unaware that she’s a Capulet. (The ACTORS and BETTY move CENTER.) Now actors, Shakespeare’s words will bring alive… (The DANCERS take CENTER STAGE.) …as dancers kick up heels to jump ’n’ jive! (BRAD GREGORY, SPIDER JOHNSON, the MAYOR, the

1 YES PEOPLE and JUDY move CENTER.) But foul play is brewing here about with evil villains moving in and out. (The NARRATOR moves CENTER.) Our play is cast and now the scene is set. Make ready, dear friends, for Jitterbug Juliet! (MUSIC UP.) 5 ALL: (Sing.) Come on and join the masquerade, A Romeo and Juliet cavalcade, The big band forties and the hit parade. We got it all in our town! GIRLS: (Sing.) Come on along, now take a ride. 10 Swing a little, sway a little side by side. BOYS: (Sing.) Jitterbug, boogie woogie, slip ’n’ slide, ALL: (Sing.) We got it all in our town! Our town! Our town! Our town! Our town! 15 We got it all in our town! (MUSIC OUT. The CAST EXITS.) MR. MONTAGUE: (Immediately, loud, from OFF RIGHT. ENTERS RIGHT as he speaks, followed closely by BETTY, a slight woman with large glasses who is meek and quiet.) What do you mean, we’re double booked? 20 BETTY: Well, sir, it seems your son has booked the Verona Room for his dance contest tonight and, and… MR. MONTAGUE: (Waits.) And what?! BETTY: (Sheepish.) Well, Mr. Capulet had already booked the room for his final rehearsal. 25 MR. MONTAGUE: (Yells.) Capulet! I told you never to mention that name again. BETTY: I’m sorry, sir. But you did ask.

MR. MONTAGUE: Fine. Call Cap… you know who, and tell him his

rehearsal is canceled. (As he says this, BRAD GREGORY ENTERS 30 LEFT. He is carrying a briefcase and some papers. BRAD hears the last line.)

BRAD: Whoa. Now just a minute, boss. I know you don’t like Mr. Cap—

MR. MONTAGUE: Don’t say that name! BRAD: Okay, okay. I know you don’t like… (Thinks.) Mr. C, but we made 35 a deal with the city council. The play is a benefit for the veterans of the war, and they’re counting on that money. BETTY: Sir, the mayor told you not to fight anymore with… (Timidly.) … you-know-who. MR. MONTAGUE: (Yells.) I know what the mayor told me. But our 40 dance contest will also help pay for the Veteran’s Center. (Bites his thumb. As he does, his son RON comes in LEFT.)

1 RON: Dad, are you biting your thumb? MR. MONTAGUE: (Startled.) What? (Takes his thumb out and looks at it.) Yes, I suppose I am. RON: Are you biting it at me? ’Cause you only do that when you’re 5 upset. MR. MONTAGUE: No, I’m not biting it at you. It’s those darn Capulets. (Realizes what he has said.) Arrggghhh, I’ve said it again. MAYOR: (ENTERS RIGHT. She is followed by the YES PEOPLE. They all cross to MR. MONTAGUE. Big, brash and loud.) Mr. Montague, how 10 are you today?

MR. MONTAGUE: Oh, I’m doing—

MAYOR: Oh, that’s wonderful. Now, on to my business.

YES PEOPLE: Yes, yes, yes, on to her business.

MAYOR: I’ve just come from the city council meeting and I have

15 important news.

YES PEOPLE: Yes, yes, yes. News, very important news.

MAYOR: If we can reach our goal of two thousand dollars for both

the dance contest and the play Mr. Capulet is producing, we will receive matching funds from the government. That means we can 20 begin building our Veterans Center in just a few months. YES PEOPLE: Yes, yes, yes, a few months, that’s very good Ms. Mayor. MAYOR: I know, thank you. Now Montague, how are things coming along? MR. MONTAGUE: Well, ma’am, there seems to be a problem with the 25 scheduling of the rooms. It seems that Mr.… (Looks at BETTY.) BETTY: Capulet. MR. MONTAGUE: (Cringes.) Yes, he seems to have booked the room tonight for his Shakespeare play rehearsal.

MAYOR: And the problem?

30 MR. MONTAGUE: I’ve got it booked for the jitterbug contest at the

same time, and—

MAYOR: May I remind you of the little talk we all had just last week. If memory serves me well… (Looks at the YES PEOPLE.) YES PEOPLE: Oh yes, yes, yes, your memory is perfect. 35 MAYOR: We all agreed to get along for the benefit of our veterans. Do something for our men and women who fought in the war. Create a place to support them. Build a monument to their valor and heroism. YES PEOPLE: Yes, yes, yes, valor and heroism.

1 MAYOR: Now are you trying to tell me that you can’t work out a simple scheduling problem for our veterans? Because if you are, let me remind you who holds the mortgage on this hall and Capulet’s building. (Smiles.) And who would, if given the reason, call in both 5 your loans tomorrow. MR. MONTAGUE: Tomorrow. You can’t do that. (MAYOR looks at the YES PEOPLE.) YES PEOPLE: Oh, yes, yes, yes, she can. MAYOR: I can and I will close you and Capulet down. I’ve had it with 10 your petty bickering. We’ve got something bigger here. And I’m not going to let the two of you and your silly feud get in the way of

helping our people who need it. So make up your mind. Bury the hatchet or bury each other. YES PEOPLE: Yes, yes, yes, that’s right. Bury the hatchet or bury each 15 other. MR. MONTAGUE: (Gives the YES PEOPLE a nasty look.) Now, Ms. Mayor! MAYOR: No nows! No buts! No ifs or ands! I want peace. Now I will see a wonderful performance of Romeo and Juliet, (MR. 20 MONTAGUE starts to interrupt the MAYOR who stops him by putting her hand up.) and… a bang-up dance contest right here. Both will be a roaring success and all will be well. Do you understand me?” MR. MONTAGUE: (Looks at the YES PEOPLE and speaks to them in defiance.) Yes. Yes. Yes! I understand you. 25 MAYOR: Fine. There will be no more talk of scheduling problems, or any other problems for that matter. Right? MR. MONTAGUE: Right. (MAYOR EXITS UP RIGHT with the YES PEOPLE.) BRAD: That’s as clear as you can get. I guess you two will just have to get along. 30 MR. MONTAGUE: Get along! Get along with that, that man! We haven’t spoken two words to each other in years. Why, every time I think of him I want to— BETTY: Please, sir. The Mayor said… MR. MONTAGUE: I know what she said! (JUDY ENTERS UP LEFT with 35 her broom. She starts to sweep up and moves down toward the conversation.)

BRAD: I’ll talk to Mr. Capulet. (MR. MONTAGUE gives him a scathing

look.)

JUDY: (Thinks BRAD is speaking to her.) What should I get?

40 BRAD: No, Capulet.

1 JUDY: Who? MR. MONTAGUE: (Gets more upset.) Don’t say that name! JUDY: Who’s to blame? BETTY/BRAD: Capulet!

5 MR. MONTAGUE: The next person who says that name is fired!

JUDY: Some folks are awful touchy around here lately. (Pushes her broom and EXITS UP RIGHT.)

MR. MONTAGUE: It’s been this way ever since… (Thinks for a moment.) Well, for a long time. Every time I try to do something, that man 10 always finds a way to make me look bad. I come up with the idea for this dance contest and he does his play. How am I supposed to compete with Shakespeare? All I’ve got is dancing, and jitterbug dancing at that. BETTY: It’s very popular with the young people.

15 BRAD: I tried to talk you out of it. But you listened to Ron instead of

me.

MR. MONTAGUE: Don’t start with that again. I think Ron has a fine head on his shoulders. He knows what the young people of today like, and I trust him. 20 BRAD: You don’t trust me? MR. MONTAGUE: Yes, Brad, I trust you. It’s so important that this dance succeeds. The company needs it as well as the town… Just don’t bring up you-know-who again. I don’t want anything to do with that man! (MUSIC CUE 2: “Heartburn.”) 25 BRAD: (Aside to RON and BETTY. Speaks.) Can you believe those two? BETTY: (Speaks.) All I know is, I’d hate to be on their bad side. (Quick and anxious, EXITS UP LEFT.) RON/BRAD: (Sing.) These men are tough! These men are rough, these men are gruff as tough as nails. 30 It never fails, Whenever either sees the other there’s a fight. A common plight, We can’t lose sight of who is right and who is wrong. The same old song,

35 You’d think they’d fin’lly had enough that they would know their

little riff is growing stale, becoming trite and then you learn…

MR. MONTAGUE: (Sings.) Heartburn! The man most surely gives me heartburn!

It’s a dire concern. 40 Every time he comes near me, I think he will steer me Into an early grave, why can’t the ninny behave! Heartburn, swelling up inside me ‘til my chest explodes!

1 But I’ll just sit here real quiet and try to deny it, This terminal case of… heartburn! RON/BRAD: (Sing.) These men are mean! It’s in their genes, these men are mean just like a snake 5 For goodness sake, Their very presence starts a never-ending squall. They’ve built a wall So thick and tall, won’t ever fall, it’s made of brick. It’s quite a trick

10 To get both parties to convene and make them see once and for all their little feud must take a break, it’s so insane… MR. MONTAGUE: (Sings.) Chest pain! The man most surely gives me chest pain, And I’m tellin’ ya plain, 15 That the man’s a disaster, my ticker beats faster Whenever he’s around, I’ve got one foot in the ground! Chest pain, swelling up inside me ‘til my heart goes, boom! But I’ll just sit here and suffer because of the duffer That gave me this case of chest pain! 20 (The following two stanzas are sung simultaneously as a duet.) RON/BRAD: (Sing.) These men will drive us crazy! They’ll simply drive us crazy! How can we make them see they have to cease and desist. We’ve always had a notion, 25 It’s more than a notion, That one without the other simply wouldn’t exist! Yes, the man will drive us crazy with his Heartburn, chest pain, it’s insane! MR. MONTAGUE: (Sings.) 30 Heartburn! I’ve got heartburn! and this chest pain, It’s plain that I’ve got

Heartburn, swelling up inside me ’Til my chest explodes! 35 But I’ll just sit here real quiet and try to deny it, This terminal case of heartburn! RON/BRAD: (Sing.) Yes, he’ll sit here real quiet and try to deny it, RON/BRAD/MR. MONTAGUE: (Sing.) This terminal case of Heartburn! 40 Heartburn! Heart… burn! (MUSIC OUT.) MR. MONTAGUE: All right, Brad. Get you-know-who on the phone and tell him we’ll work it out. But I don’t want to talk to him.

1 BRAD: I’ll call him up right now. MR. MONTAGUE: Now where did Betty go? (Yells.) Betty?! Betty?! (EXITS UP LEFT.) BRAD: (Moves to a phone on a small table DOWN RIGHT and dials.) 5 Hello. Can I speak to Mr. Capulet, please? Thanks… Mr. C. Yes, this is Brad. I’m afraid not. I told him about your offer and he refused it completely. He said he wouldn’t work with you, something about stubborn, mule-headed… You get the idea. So I guess you

won’t be canceling your rehearsal for tonight? You want me to tell

10 him in those words? Okay. I’ll do it. (Hangs up and dials another

number. As he does, JUDY ENTERS UP RIGHT and puts up chairs for the rehearsal.) Hello, Spider. Yeah, I’ve got the old coots at each other’s throats. The Mayor warned them today that she’d call in their loans if they didn’t get along on this. Let’s just make sure 15 they don’t. You have the papers ready tonight so when things go haywire and the Mayor pulls the plug. I’ll just have her sign over both deeds to my company. Okay, I’ll see you tonight at seven. (Sees JUDY.) Wait a minute. What are you doing? JUDY: I’m just cleanin’ up before the dance. Just like I always do. 20 BRAD: You didn’t hear anything, did you? JUDY: What? BRAD: (Loudly.) Hear anything! JUDY: You know Mr. Gregory, I can’t hear anything since the air raids from my nursing days in London.

25 BRAD: That’s right. (Doesn’t believe her. Walks straight DOWNSTAGE to

the AUDIENCE and yells.) Nursing in London. That’s right, you can’t

hear. Right.

JUDY: (Doesn’t move.) Did you say somethin’, Mr. Gregory? BRAD: No, no, just had to clear my throat. (Crosses back to the phone, 30 watching JUDY.) I can’t let those two idiots get together. If they find

out how much all this land will be worth when the highway comes

through, that’ll be the end of me.

JUDY: What, Mr. Gregory?

BRAD: No, you just carry on, Ma’am. I’ve got some business to attend 35 to. (To the phone.) I’ll see you tonight. Don’t mess this up, or I’ll make sure you end up back in the slammer. (EXITS UP LEFT, but he stops to look at JUDY with caution before he goes. He’s not quite sure about her.) RON: (ENTERS DOWN RIGHT as BRAD leaves. Sees JUDY and crosses 40 to her.) Judy, have you seen my father? JUDY: Hi, Ron. No, this is no bother.

1 RON: No. I said… (Stops himself.) Never mind. I’ll find him myself. (BETTY ENTERS LEFT and hurries across the stage. She is carrying some papers. As she reaches CENTER, she drops a script. However, she doesn’t notice. RON sees it and picks it up.) Hey, Betty, you 5 dropped this. (He looks at the script.) BETTY: (Stops and rushes back to him.) Oh, goodness. I didn’t even notice. Here, I’ll just take that. RON: What is this? Romeo and Juliet. We did this in college last year. BETTY: Really? I’ve never seen the play.

10 RON: It’s my favorite. What are you doing with a script?

BETTY: (Hides her guilt.) I just thought I’d read up on some Shakespeare,

that’s all.

RON: No law against that. Just don’t let my dad see it. That’s the play that Mr. Capulet is doing. I don’t think Dad would be too thrilled to 15 see you reading it. BETTY: Oh, please, don’t tell your father I have it. He would. Well, he’d… RON: Yell? BETTY: Loudly, I’m afraid. 20 RON: Your secret’s safe with me. I’ve got to go find Dad. See ya. (EXITS UP RIGHT.) BETTY: Oh dear, oh dear. (Looks around and EXITS UP LEFT.) JUDY: (Looks after them.) It just gets stranger and stranger around here. (EXITS DOWN RIGHT. BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene One

ACT ONE Scene Two

25 LIGHTS UP. From RIGHT we hear another booming voice. This is MR.

CAPULET. He is very similar to MR. MONTAGUE in style and volume. He is followed by his daughter JULIET. They cross DOWN RIGHT.

MR. CAPULET: All right, let’s set up the first scene right here.

JULIET: Dad, we’ve got one problem.

30 MR. CAPULET: And what would that be? JULIET: There’s the dance contest tonight. Remember? MR. CAPULET: Oh, I remember. I just don’t care. Set up right here. JULIET: Dad, we can’t set up right in the middle of the dance floor. That’s where they’re having the jitterbug contest.

1 MR. CAPULET: Jitterbug! Hah, that’s not dancing. Throwing one’s self across the floor at breakneck speed and leaping in the air is not dignified, nor is it safe. JULIET: It won’t be safe if we’re rehearsing right in the middle of the 5 dance. MR. CAPULET: I’ve taken care of that. There will be no dance. My rehearsal is more important. JULIET: What?! I thought you and Mr. Montague had an agreement. MR. CAPULET: I know you’ve been away at school for the past four 10 years, but you should remember he and I haven’t agreed on anything since… since you were in grade school. He’s a stubborn, mule-headed, pompous— JULIET: Mirror image of you. MR. CAPULET: What? 15 JULIET: Nothing, Dad. Why don’t you get the other actors, and I’ll set up. MR. CAPULET: Very well. Just don’t let those Montagues push you around. JULIET: Don’t worry. I can take care of myself. (MR. CAPULET EXITS 20 RIGHT. JULIET begins to set up a table with scripts and some basic props for the show.) RON: (ENTERS UP LEFT and watches her. He is obviously taken with her beauty. He smiles as she drops some pages of a script. JULIET kneels down to collect them and RON comes down to her.) Hi, need 25 some help? JULIET: (Looks up and is pleasantly surprised to find the handsome RON standing there.) Why… (Thinks.) …No. (Coy.) I believe I can handle it. (Continues to collect the pages.) RON: (Taken by surprise.) Well, I hope you’re not thinking of setting up 30 right here. You know there’s a big dance contest tonight. JULIET: (A bit angry.) Well, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your “big” dance contest, but we have a very important rehearsal scheduled in this room tonight. So if you don’t mind, I’ve got a lot of work to do. (Finishes picking up the pages and goes back to the table.) 35 RON: (Crosses to her.) Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act like a big galoot. (Sticks out his hand.) My name’s Ron. And you are? JULIET: (Warming to him.) Juliet. RON: (Quite taken with her.) Juliet… but, soft what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. 40 JULIET: Oh, you know the play? (Drops one page. She and RON kneel to pick it up at the same time.)

1 RON: Yes, but I never knew what it meant until now. (They stand and gaze at each other.) JULIET: Smart and charming. So what’s the last name? RON: I was just about to ask you the same thing. Mine’s—(Just as 5 RON is about to speak, MERCY O’REILY rushes IN UP LEFT.) MERCY: (Runs to RON and JULIET.) Ron! Ron, where have you been? Everybody’s here. We’ve got to get this dance number down before tonight. (Spies JULIET.) Well, hello. JULIET: Well, hello yourself. You must be here for him. (Looks at RON. 10 She seems angry.) MERCY: Well, yeah. (RON shoots MERCY a mean look.) But not like that. I just wanted to find Ron ’cause we’re gonna jitterbug. (To JULIET.) Are you gonna jitterbug with us tonight? Ron hasn’t got a partner. 15 JULIET: To tell the truth, I’ve never done it before.

MERCY: What are ya, coconuts? Everybody’s swingin’ nowadays. (We hear the sound of a crowd of kids from OFFSTAGE, UP LEFT, growing louder.)

JULIET: I’ve never learned. My father thinks it’s dangerous.

20 RON: He must be off his rocker. It’s a blast. JULIET: (Defends her dad.) Well, I’m sure he’s got a point… (The DANCERS ENTER UP LEFT making noise as they come. Distracted.) Who are all these people?

MERCY: It’s the kids for the jitterbug contest.

25 JULIET: What? But you’re not due here for another four hours! MERCY: Oh, don’t worry. We’ve got to practice the opening number for the show… (The DANCERS surround JULIET and RON.) We won’t be

long… (MUSIC CUE 3: “Jitterbug Juliet.”)

THE DANCERS: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug!

30 MERCY: (Speaks. To JULIET.) Hey, why don’t you join us. Ron really

does need a partner. JULIET: (Speaks.) Well, I don’t know.

ALL: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug!

MERCY: (Speaks.) No!! Don’t say no. Hey gang, look. It’s Jitterbug

35 Juliet!

ALL: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug!

JULIET: (Speaks.) Well, I suppose I could try… (To RON.) if you don’t mind. RON: (Speaks. Obviously attracted to her.) I don’t mind.

10 PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

1 ALL: (Sing.) Gonna dance and swing ‘til the mornin’ light. We’re gonna party all night! Whoo! (JULIET and RON begin to jitterbug. To EVERYONE’S surprise, they are actually very good.) Jitterbug, jitterbug Juliet!

5 Dance to the rhythm ‘til you break a sweat.

Goody, goody, golly, what a pretty dolly,

Jitterbug Juliet!

BOYS: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug Juliet! A hubba hubba, super duper sweet coquette,

10 GIRLS: (Sing.) Swingin’ and a-swayin’, while the cats are playin’. ALL: (Sing.) Jitterbug Juliet! GIRLS GROUP: (Select group of three to six girls a la The Andrews Sisters. Sings.) Put a nickel in the juke at the local nook, Grab yourself a fella, give a girlish look,

15 Movin’ and a-groovin’ to the swingeroo quickies, Moppin’ up a glass or two of soda pop rickies! ALL: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug Juliet! Dance to the rhythm ‘til you break a sweat. Goody, goody, golly, what a pretty dolly, 20 Jitterbug Juliet! GIRLS GROUP: (Sings.) Spinnin’ all around ‘til your head gets dizzy, Huffin’ and a-puffin’ like an old tin lizzie!

Slippin’ and a-slidin’ with a shimmy and a giggle, The fellas keep a-pleadin’, “Won’tcha give a little wiggle!” 25 ALL: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug! Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug! Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug! Gonna dance and sing ‘til the mornin’ light, We’re gonna party all night! Whoo!

30 (Dance interlude/sax solo. The whole CAST ENTERS and joins in the dance.)

Jitterbug, jitterbug Juliet! Dance to the rhythm ‘til you break a sweat. Goody, goody, golly, what a pretty dolly, 35 Jitterbug Juliet! GIRLS: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug Juliet! A hubba hubba, super duper sweet coquette, BOYS: (Sing.) Swingin’ and a-swayin’, while the cats are playin’,

ALL: (Sing.) Jitterbug Juliet! 40 Jitterbug Juliet! Jitterbug Juliet!

Jitterbug, jitterbug,

1 Jitterbug, jitterbug, Jitterbug, jitterbug, Juliet! (MUSIC OUT.) MERCY: You two are naturals. (To GROUP.) Right? 5 ALL: Right! Did you see the way they danced? Like they were made for each other. JULIET: That was so much fun! (To RON.) Where did you learn to dance like that? RON: At school. But I’ve never had a partner who followed like you do. 10 MERCY: So what do ya say? Are you gonna dance with us tonight? RON: Yes, will you dance with me tonight? JULIET: (Thinks about it.) Well, I don’t know.

MERCY: You’ve just got to, right gang?!

ALL: She’s right. Come on, Juliet. You’ll love it.

15 RON: I guarantee you’ll have a partner all night long.

JULIET: (Looks at RON.) Really? (Playing hard to get. Looks at the other

BOYS ONSTAGE.) So who would that be?

RON: What? (He catches on.) I’m sure you could dance all night long with all the boys that’ll be here. 20 MERCY: You bet! As a matter of fact there have been nights when I’ve never stopped dancing. GIRL ONE: Even when she doesn’t have a partner. (They all laugh.) BOY ONE: Mercy just wears us right out. BOY TWO: I’ll say! 25 JULIET: (Confused.) What I meant was… that I thought… maybe… (Looks to RON for help.)

RON: (Lets her off the hook.) No one’s going to dance with you except

me. If that’s okay with you?

JULIET: I can’t think of anything better. (RON takes her in his arms.)

30 MERCY: (Crosses to RON and JULIET.) You might want to seal that with

a kiss.

RON: (To MERCY.) Thanks. I’ll take it from here. (Pushes MERCY into the crowd of BOYS who grab her as she starts to fall.) GIRL TWO: You never know when to shut up. 35 BOY ONE: Don’t you know it. Let’s do the number one more time. ALL: Yeah! Come on, let’s dance! MERCY: (To JULIET and RON.) Let’s Jitterbug Juliet! (RON and JULIET are DOWN CENTER. They start to kiss. MR. MONTAGUE comes on from UP LEFT as MR. CAPULET comes on from UP RIGHT. They cross

1 DOWNSTAGE to RON and JULIET. They first see the kids, then each other.) MR. MONTAGUE: What’s going on here?! MR. CAPULET: I told you to stay away from them!

5 RON/JULIET: What do you mean “them”?

MR. MONTAGUE: She’s a Capulet! MR. CAPULET: He’s a Montague! MR. MONTAGUE/MR. CAPULET: And I won’t have my son/daughter cavorting with the enemy! (They cross to their respective children,

10 grab them and begin to pull them away from each other. As they do this, the rest of the CAST pulls UPSTAGE and away from the action.)

MERCY: Hey! What’s the big idea?

GIRL THREE: We were just getting started! MR. MONTAGUE: Well, now you’re finished.(Looks at MR. CAPULET.) 15 What is that girl doing with my son? MR. CAPULET: What is that boy doing with my daughter? JULIET: (To RON.) So you’re a… RON: (Finishes her line.) Montague. And you’re a… JULIET: Capulet.

20 MERCY: And I’m an O’Reily. What’s the big deal?

MR. CAPULET: (To MERCY.) Stay out of this. We’re the adults here. (To JULIET.) You will never speak to this boy again. Is that clear? JULIET: But, Dad… MR. CAPULET: I’ll not have it! Not so much as a word. 25 MR. MONTAGUE: (To RON.) And you’ll have nothing to do with her.

RON: Father, I think you’re being unfair.

MR. MONTAGUE: Fair has nothing to do with it. This is war.

MERCY: (Sarcastic.) Didn’t we just end one of those? MR. CAPULET: Enough! 30 GIRL ONE: They’re in love. BOY ONE: You don’t have to be a genius to see that. GIRL TWO: You just have to open your eyes. MR. MONTAGUE: Out. Out right now. (The FATHERS begin to pull RON and JULIET away from each other again.) 35 JULIET: A thousand times good night! RON: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.

MR. MONTAGUE: Stop that, you two.

MONTAGUE/CAPULET: There’ll be no love in this for you! (The CAST boos and hisses at the fathers.)

1 MR. MONTAGUE: I want all of you out of here until seven o’clock. ALL: (Ad lib.) All right… It’s not fair!… Why can’t they get along?… What a couple of squares!… Come on, let’s go… (The FATHERS pull RON and JULIET OFF in opposite directions DOWN LEFT and 5 RIGHT. The CROWD EXITS UP CENTER, LEFT and RIGHT. Just as all have cleared the stage, RON and JULIET rush back IN from either side and cross to DOWN CENTER. They stop, look at each other, then back where their fathers are. They turn back to each other and hug. BLACKOUT.) End of Scene Two

ACT ONE Scene Three 10 LIGHTS UP. SPIDER JOHNSON ENTERS from UP LEFT and crosses DOWN RIGHT. He hears someone coming, looks around and finally

he hides under a table. JUDY ENTERS DOWN RIGHT with BETTY. They

cross DOWN CENTER. Both of them pull out scripts and begin to read

their lines from “Romeo and Juliet.”

15 BETTY: I just need you to help me practice my lines. I’ll read mine and

then you can give me my cues. (Reads Nurse’s lines from the play.) “Marry, farewell— I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?” JUDY: (Can’t hear BETTY.) What? 20 BETTY: (Louder.) “Of his ropery.”

JUDY: Above this slope, deary?

BETTY: No, no, “of his ropery.”

JUDY: Shove this rope, Marie?

BETTY: “Of his ropery!” 25 JUDY: Love this potpourri? BETTY: Oh, never mind. I’ll just go to rehearsal. If Mr. Montague asks, I went to a late lunch. Whatever you do, don’t tell him I’m in the

play. He’d kill me. Then he’d fire me. (EXITS UP LEFT.)

MR. MONTAGUE: (ENTERS from DOWN RIGHT.) Judy, where’s Betty? 30 JUDY: Who?

MR. MONTAGUE: (Yells.) Betty! JUDY: Oh. She’s smelling potpourri. (EXITS UP RIGHT.) MR. MONTAGUE: What are you talking about?! (EXITS UP RIGHT, following JUDY.)

35 BRAD: (ENTERS UP LEFT and crosses to CENTER. As he does so, SPIDER

comes out from under the table DOWN RIGHT. SPIDER crosses to

1 BRAD.) What are you doing here? I told you not to show up until seven o’clock. SPIDER: I had to let you know that I got the message to the mayor about the fight that’s gonna happen here tonight, and I got some 5 hot information I thought you’d want to hear. BRAD: What information? SPIDER: It seems that the commissioner of the highway department is comin’ through here tonight and he wants to scout some locations for off-ramps. He thinks this here hall would be a swell spot for 10 one. And that ain’t all. BRAD: Well. What else?

SPIDER: You know I ain’t had a good meal all day. And a growin’ boy

like me needs his vitamins and iron. (Holds out his hand for some cash.)

15 BRAD: I’ll give you some iron. How about I send you back behind

those iron bars of that prison where I found you? Now give me

the info.

SPIDER: All right, all right, youse don’t have to get all bent out of shape. It’s just I happen to know a sneaky little accountant that

20 seems to be lyin’ to her boss about her extra-curricular activities.

BRAD: Betty Abraham? SPIDER: The one and only. BRAD: Oh, this is grand. What’s she doing? Embezzlement? Fraud? Tax evasion? 25 SPIDER: Worse… she’s doin’ a play. BRAD: A play, that’s just… (Confused.) A play? So what? SPIDER: It’s Mr. Capulet’s play. BRAD: (Fascinated.) Really?

SPIDER: Yep. And Mr. M. ain’t got no idea she’s in it neither.

30 BRAD: So I have some information that could lose our little accountant her precious job. Well, we’ll just have to see what we can do with

this.

SPIDER: Looks that way. What are ya gonna do?

BRAD: (Matter-of-fact.) There’s so many bad things you can do with 35 this kind of information. I could blackmail her. (Getting excited.) I

could force her to steal money from her boss. I could make her pass along lies about Capulet. The list goes on and on. SPIDER: You really are a rat.

BRAD: Thank you.

40 SPIDER: What did these folks ever do to you?

1 BRAD: (Nonchalant.) I never got enough love as a kid. My dog ran away. I wanted a pony for my birthday. Pick one. SPIDER: (Confused.) I don’t get it. BRAD: Some people are born to do great things, Spider. Some are 5 born to create beautiful art. And some… some are lucky enough to be born bad. SPIDER: Bad? (MUSIC CUE 4: “We’re So Bad.”)

BRAD: (Speaks.) Bad! (Sings.)

I’m detestably despicable, unscrupulously rotten to the core.

10 Diabolically contemptible, a viper in the grass, need I say more? I live to play the villain, be the heavy, I’m a no-good rogue. As far as I’m concerned my reprehensible persona is in vogue! (Speaks.) You see, Spider, I was just born this way, a natural villain. SPIDER: (Speaks.) Since you were a kid?

15 BRAD: (Speaks.) That’s right. I used to steal candy from other babies.

SPIDER: (Speaks.) I can relate to that.

BRAD: (Speaks.) You can? SPIDER: (Sings.) I’m a loser, I’m a misfit, a scalawag, a scoundrel with a scam. 20 Ever since I was a child I been in and outta slammers, on the lam. Got a resume feloniously criminal a mile long. Sometimes I gotta wonder how I come to this profession. What went wrong? BRAD/SPIDER: (Sing.) We’re so bad! (Begin dancing a tango together.) 25 How could anybody be this bad? BRAD: (Sings.) We’re the runts of the litter. SPIDER: (Sings.) A misbehaving critter.

BRAD/SPIDER: (Sing.) Bad-boy grads!

We’re so bad!

30 How could anybody be this bad?

BRAD: (Sings.) We’re the tops in our profession.

SPIDER: (Sings.) Sorry, Mom and Dad. BRAD/SPIDER: (Sing.) We’re so bad! BRAD: (Speaks.) I’ll set up Mr. Montague. 35 SPIDER: (Speaks.) And Capulet, too. BRAD: (Speaks.) We’ll end up with their money. SPIDER: (Speaks.) And there’s nothing they can do.

BRAD/SPIDER: (Sing.) We’re unpleasant, we’re obnoxious, disagreeable and wicked to the bone.

1 SPIDER: (Sings.) At the end of our careers, they’ll write about us as the worst they’ve ever known. BRAD: (Sings.) We’ll be distinguished and revered, celebrated as the kings of crime. 5 BRAD/SPIDER: (Sing.) Good things will come to those who wait. This, too will come to pass in good time. We’re so bad! How could anybody be this bad? (They tango again.) BRAD: (Sings.) We’re the worms in the apple. 10 SPIDER: (Sings.) Any hoodlum or sap’ll say we’re cads. BRAD/SPIDER: (Sing.) We’re so bad! How could anybody be this bad? No, we ain’t no goody-goodies, We ain’t no Galahads. 15 We’re so bad! Cha cha! Cha! (MUSIC OUT.) BRAD: Spider, by the time you started being a crook, I was a master at it. SPIDER: Look! I didn’t want to go down this road, and you sure didn’t 20 help me get off it. BRAD: That’s right. You’re stuck with me and remember, I can send you back to jail for the next ten years. SPIDER: How could I forget? I’ve got a rat for a boss. BRAD: When I pull this off, I’ll be a rich rat. Come on, we’ve got 25 work to do. (They EXIT UP LEFT. As they leave, JUDY ENTERS RIGHT, sweeping. She takes a look in their direction and shakes her head. BLACKOUT.) End of Scene Three

ACT ONE Scene Four LIGHTS UP. The ACTORS of “Romeo and Juliet” are DOWN RIGHT. ROBERT, MARK, ALAN and JOHN are doing the battle. JULIET is sitting 30 at a small table taking notes for her father. MR. CAPULET is standing CENTER watching as the lights come up. They are staging the fight in which Mercutio and Tybalt are killed. The ACTORS have wooden swords that look very phony. The ACTORS are obviously untrained and uncomfortable with the weapons. Their movements are awkward— the 35 funnier the better.

MARK/MERCUTIO: (It is obvious that he doesn’t know the lines or what they mean.) Will you pluck… your sword… out of his pitcher

1 by the ears?… Make haste… lest mine be… about your ears? Ere it be out. ROBERT/TYBALT: (Horribly over-dramatic.) I… am… for… you! (Drawing swords, MARK and ROBERT begin the fight. It is a comical 5 mess. MARK slowly swings his sword over ROBERT’S head and misses by a mile. As MARK is doing this, ROBERT doesn’t move. He looks over to JULIET and shrugs his shoulders— he has forgotten his blocking. As ROBERT shrugs, MARK continues to spin slowly all the way around for another swing.) 10 JULIET: (To ROBERT.) You’re supposed to duck now. ROBERT/TYBALT: Oh! That’s right. (Ducks just in time. MARK, who hasn’t been paying attention, continues over him with his sword. ALAN/BENVOLIO has been reading his script. He looks up to see MARK pass over ROBERT. ALAN rushes to MARK and they begin 15 banging swords over each other’s heads. They go RIGHT to LEFT ten times. You can do as many as you think are funny. The more the merrier. As they go at each other they should speed up. They have now stopped and their swords are locked together in the classic swashbuckler style, face to face.)

20 JOHN/ROMEO: (Steps up to them.) Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up. (MARK/MERCUTIO and ALAN/BENVOLIO pull away from each

other. As they do this, JOHN/ROMEO steps between them. MARK and ALAN draw back their swords and thrust at each other. One blade goes under the right arm of JOHN/ROMEO and the other goes 25 under the left. The effect is that JOHN/ROMEO now has two swords sticking out of him. JOHN/ROMEO looks around very confused. At this point, MARK/MERCUTIO and ALAN/BENVOLIO stop and they are also confused. JOHN turns toward MR. CAPULET, the swords still held under his arms. MARK and ALAN have let go of them so the 30 effect is JOHN walking around with swords sticking out of him.) JOHN: Am I supposed to die here?

MARK: Don’t I fight Tybalt? (To ALAN.) I thought Benvolio was my

friend?

ALAN: Ooooh, that’s right. I’m not supposed to fight you. 35 MR. CAPULET: Cut! Stop! Cease and desist! (To JOHN/ROMEO.) Romeo does not die here. He dies in the end. (To ALAN/ BENVOLIO.) You, you don’t fight Mercutio. (To MARK/ MERCUTIO.) And you, you never ever… (Yells.) kill Romeo! JULIET: Dad, maybe we should take a break. 40 MR. CAPULET: Good idea. It doesn’t matter, because we’re doomed. Doomed, I say. (EXITS UP RIGHT, banging the script against his head.)

1 JULIET: Where’s our nurse? ROBERT: She was tryin’ to ditch old stick-in-the-mud. JULIET: Who? JOHN: You know Montague.

5 JULIET: (Angry.) Oh, him.

MARK: What is the problem with your father and Mr—

JULIET: (Sarcastic.) No! Don’t say that name! (Frustrated.) I don’t

know. They’ve been at each other like cats and dogs as long as I can remember. 10 BETTY: (ENTERS from UP LEFT holding her script. As she crosses DOWNSTAGE to JULIET, she looks around to see if MR. MONTAGUE is around.) I’m so sorry I’m late. I couldn’t get away from… you- know-who. ALAN: When are you gonna tell him you’re in the show? 15 BETTY: Well, it’s just that he yells a lot. And… and I’m… well… ALL: (To BETTY.) Quite! JOHN: We’ve got to find a way to raise your confidence. JULIET: Hey guys, have any of you ever jitterbugged? ROBERT: Not me. 20 MARK: I’d love to try it.

ALAN: (Pessimistic.) I don’t know…

JOHN: What’s a jitterbug?

BETTY: It seems dangerous. (Moves away and sits on the side of the

stage.)

25 JULIET: Come on. I just tried it, and it’s easy. We all need to boost our

confidence and it’s just the thing to do it.

MARK: Those kids are stuck on themselves. (Imitating the jitterbug moves badly.) Look at me. I can swing around the floor. I can jump. I can hop. (Falls down.)

30 ROBERT: (Helps MARK up.) But you can’t dance. JOHN: Without killing somebody. MARK: That’s not fair. I’ve got what they call a condition. ALAN: Both of them. MARK: Both? 35 ALAN: Mental and physical. JULIET: All right, guys, this doesn’t help our confidence.(Teasingly flirtatious.) But I’ve got something that will. (MUSIC CUE 5: “Think Like a Winner.” JULIET playfully walks around them. Sings.) You’ve gotta think like a winner, a number one champ. 40 It’s the only way you’re gonna talk to this vamp. 19

1 Think like a winner, and I’ll be thinkin’ of you. Only you! You’ve gotta look like a winner, straighten your tie. It’s the only way you’re gonna capture my eye. 5 Look like a winner, and I’ll be lookin’ at you. Mairzy doats and dozy doats, This little lamzy divey’d never dream of eatin’ ivy. Hold on, fellas, don’t you miss that boat,

Like a lovely Betty Grable, I’m ready and able!

10 You’ve gotta dance like a winner, standin’ up tall. It’s the only way you’ll catch me if I should fall. Dance like a winner, and I’ll be dancin’ with you. If you just dance like a winner, I’ll be dancin’ with you!

(Speaks.) Come on, Robert, give it a whirl. (Pulls him onto the dance 15 floor. Dance Interlude — JULIET dances with ROBERT.)

THE ACTORS: (Sing. Use extra guys, if desired.) You’ve gotta think like a winner, a number one champ. It’s the only way we’re gonna talk to this vamp. Think like a winner… 20 JULIET: (Sings.) And I’ll be thinkin’ of you. Only you! THE ACTORS: (Sing.) You’ve gotta look like a winner, straighten your tie. It’s the only way we’re gonna catch her eye. Look like a winner… 25 JULIET: (Sings.) And I’ll be lookin’ at you. Mairzy doats and dozy doats, This little lamzy divey’d never dream of eatin’ ivy. Hold on, fellas, don’t you miss that boat, Like a lovely Betty Grable, I’m ready and able! 30 THE ACTORS: (Sing.) You’ve gotta dance like a winner, stand up tall. It’s the only way we’ll catch her if she falls. Dance like a winner…

JULIET: (Sings.) And I’ll be dancin’ with you. 35 THE ACTORS: (Sing.) You’ve gotta think like a winner, a number one champ.

JULIET: (Sings.) It’s the only way you’re gonna talk to this vamp.

THE ACTORS: (Sing.) Think like a winner…

JULIET: (Sings.) And I’ll be thinkin’ of you.

40 THE ACTORS: (Sing.) If you just think like a winner…

JULIET: (Sings.) I’ll be thinkin’ of you. 20

1 THE ACTORS: (Sing.) You’ve got to think like a winner… JULIET: (Sings.) And I’ll be thinkin’ of you! THE ACTORS: (Sing.) Think like a winner! Look like a winner! 5 Dance like a winner! ALL: (Sing.) Think like a winner! (MUSIC OUT.) JULIET: If we can do that, we can do anything!

MARK: She’s right.

ALAN: Yeah.

10 JOHN: Come on, let’s get this show on the road. BETTY: Yes, let’s. (The ACTORS cross LEFT. They pull out the window flat for the balcony and set it. As they do, MERCY ENTERS from DOWN RIGHT..)

MERCY: (Looks around to see if either of the fathers are around. 15 Crosses DOWNSTAGE to JULIET.) Is the coast clear?

JULIET: Sure. But it looks like rough weather ahead. MERCY: Well, any port in a storm. Hey, I hope we didn’t get you in trouble with your father. JULIET: Well, he was madder than a wet hen, but I think he’ll live. 20 What are you doing back here? MERCY: I’m bringing a message from Ron. He wants you to meet him in ten minutes outside the hall. JULIET: I don’t know. We could both get in a lot of trouble. MERCY: Oh, come on. How much more trouble can you get into? 25 JULIET: You don’t know my father. (The ACTORS cross DOWN to them.) BETTY: Juliet, I don’t want to seem forward, but just what is the trouble between your father and Mr. Montague? JULIET: I’m not sure. I just know it started right about the time I was born. I know they were good friends in school, but I don’t know 30 what this silly feud is about. MERCY: Do I tell Ron you’re coming or not?

JULIET: What do I do? I don’t want to disobey my father, but he’s so wrong about Ron. ROBERT: Maybe he knows what started the whole thing.

35 JULIET: Who, Ron?

ALAN: Yeah. If you two could figure out what started it…

JOHN: Maybe you could figure out a way to end it.

JULIET: It’s worth a try. (To MERCY.) Tell him I’ll be there.

MERCY: Great! He’ll be outside the window to the balcony in five

40 minutes. (EXITS UP RIGHT.) 21

1 JULIET: Maybe we can get this thing put to rest once and for all. You all keep rehearsing. I’ll be right back. (EXITS UP RIGHT.) MARK: Let’s try that fight again. JOHN: Remember guys, I don’t get killed. (MARK and JOHN set up 5 for the fight. As they begin, they move in slow motion and their movements take them OFF LEFT. JULIET ENTERS DOWN RIGHT,

looks around and moves to the window.)

RON: (ENTERS DOWN LEFT. Looks around.) Juliet? Juliet, are you there?

JULIET: (Looks out the window of the flat.) Yes, Ron. I’m here. 10 RON: Thanks for meeting me. I’m sorry about my dad. He can be kinda stubborn. JULIET: Mine, too. They’re so much alike. RON: Don’t I know it. Do you know what this feud is about? JULIET: I think so. One day my father told me… 15 MR. CAPULET: (From OFFSTAGE. RON ducks behind the window flat.) Juliet. Juliet. (ENTERS.) Oh, there you are. I’ve arranged for the sets to be delivered and… What are you doing? JULIET: Oh, I’m just going over my lines with… oh… John. MR. CAPULET: What scene are you doing? 20 JULIET: It’s… it’s the balcony scene and we, ah, thought it would be nice to…

MR. CAPULET: Oh, I see. And you want to get the feel for the set. Very

professional. Well, continue.

JULIET: Oh… okay… What man art thou that thus bescreen’d in night 25 so stumblest on my counsel?

RON: By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am.

My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, Because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word.

30 MR. CAPULET: Not bad. Keep up the good work. I’ll check back on you. (He leans out the window, RON ducks under cover.) Good work, John. (To JULIET.) That boy doesn’t even sound the same. (EXITS RIGHT.) JULIET: (Whispers.) Ron? Ron? 35 RON: Right here. Is he gone? JULIET: He’s right outside the door. MR. CAPULET: (From OFFSTAGE.) I don’t hear any rehearsing. (MUSIC CUE 5a: “Romeo and Juliet—Underscore.”) JULIET: My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of that tongue’s 40 utterance, yet… Art thou… (Whispers to RON.) I’m going to the dance tonight. 22

1 RON: Neither, fair saint… Would you like to be my dance partner? … if either thee dislike. JULIET: How camest thou hither, tell me… (Whispers.) What time can we meet?… and wherefore?… 5 The orchard walls are high and hard to climb, And the place death, considering who thou art, If any of my kinsmen find thee here. RON: With love’s light wings did I o’er-perch these walls. (Whispers.) I’ll meet you at six-thirty right here… 10 For stony limits cannot hold love out, And what love can do that dares love attempt! (MUSIC OUT.) MR. CAPULET: Juliet, come along. You, too, John. (ENTERS from RIGHT.) We’ve got to finish this act. (Looks out the window in the flat. Again, RON hides.) Great work, John. I’ve never heard you 15 sound so good. (To JULIET.) I believe that boy’s finally listening to me. (Out the window.) Come on out, John. JOHN: (ENTERS RIGHT with a sandwich.) Out from where? MR. CAPULET: (Looks at JOHN and then at the flat.) How did you get—

JULIET: (Grabs JOHN and begins to push him RIGHT.) Boy, you sure can

20 move fast. You must really want to keep rehearsing.

JOHN: What are you talking about? I haven’t—

JULIET: (Shoves the sandwich in his mouth.) —had anything to eat all day. Boy, I bet you’re hungry. Come on. (JOHN and JULIET EXIT RIGHT. MR. CAPULET, looking confused, follows them. Just as he is 25 about to leave, he turns and crosses to the window flat. RON hides once more. MR. CAPULET turns and EXITS RIGHT. RON looks once more and EXITS LEFT. SPIDER comes out from a curtain UP LEFT, smiles and runs OFF RIGHT. MUSIC CUE 5b: “We Got It All in Our Town–Reprise.”) 30 NARRATOR: (ENTERS from DOWN LEFT. As she does, the rest of the CAST ENTERS from RIGHT and LEFT behind the NARRATOR.

Speaks.) The lovers we have met, the feud’s at hand. The fathers brashly now have made their plan. The future’s dim for both the dance and play when tempers and our villains enter the fray. How 35 long will love survive and be not brought down? Just see what happens next in our fair town. CAST: (Sings.) Come on and join the masquerade, A Romeo and Juliet cavalcade, The big band forties and the hit parade. 40 We got it all in our town! GIRLS: (Sing.) Come on along, now take a ride. Swing a little, sway a little, side by side.

1 BOYS: (Sing.) Jitterbug, boogie woogie, slip ’n’ slide, ALL: (Sings.) We got it all in our town! Our town! Our town! Our town! Our town! We got it all in our town! (BLACKOUT. MUSIC OUT.) End of ACT ONE

ACT TWO Scene One 5 MUSIC CUE 5c: “Entr’acte–Jitterbug Juliet.” LIGHTS UP. MUSIC CUE 5d: “Romeo and Juliet–Underscore.” NARRATOR ENTERS and moves DOWN CENTER. NARRATOR: As the hour comes at hand the dancers meet to make their plan. And they are joined by actors, too, who want to help end 10 this feud. (MUSIC OUT. NARRATOR EXITS as the DANCERS, MERCY and RON ENTER RIGHT. ACTORS and JULIET ENTER LEFT. ALL meet CENTER and look suspiciously at each other.) MERCY: (To RON.) What’s up? You told me you were gonna meet Juliet. You didn’t say anything about these guys. 15 ALAN: (To JULIET.) Who are they? JULIET: I know we don’t know each other, but we’re all in the same boat. RON: She’s right. If we don’t all work together, both the dance and the play will be ruined. 20 THE DANCERS: (Ad lib.) Oh, who cares… It’s just some dumb play… Come on, let’s get out of here… (Etc.) THE ACTORS: (Ad lib.) Yeah, they’re right… Just a bunch of crazy kids trying break their necks… Stupid dance… (Etc.) JULIET: Wait a minute. That’s just the sort of thing that’s tearing our 25 families apart. RON: It’s easier to be ignorant and create a reason to not like someone than to find a real one. (MUSIC CUE 6: “Listen to the Beat.”) JULIET: (Speaks.) Sometimes you have to listen to that voice inside. RON: (Looks at JULIET. Speaks.) Sometimes you have to trust that 30 feeling in your soul… (Sings, snapping his fingers on beat two and four.) You gotta listen to the beat. We’ve gotta trust each other. If you listen to the beat of your heart You’ll know that everything will be fine.

35 JULIET: (Joins RON’S snapping. Sings.) You gotta listen to the beat. We’ve gotta work together. You gotta listen to the voice in your heart ’Cause buddy there’s a lot on the line. 24

1 RON/JULIET: (Sing.) You gotta listen to the beat. We’ve gotta stick together. We’ve gotta put all the feelings aside, If we’re ever gonna see that night. That’s right! 5 RON/JULIET/DANCERS/ACTORS: (All snap fingers. Sing.) You gotta listen to the beat. We’ve gotta raise our voices. We’ve gotta shout a little louder, yea boy,

Show the town we’ll never give up the fight!

10 RON/DANCERS: (Sing.) There’ll be lights and music, boy, will there be music, Standing room only, they’ll be screaming for more! JULIET/ACTORS: (Sing.) There’ll be tears and laughter, clear up to the rafter, 15 Are you ready? Are you ready, for what’s in store?

RON/JULIET/DANCERS/ACTORS: (All clap hands on beats two and

four. Sing.) You gotta listen to the beat. You gotta feel that rhythm. You gotta dance to the beat in your soul, 20 Hallelujah, gonna shake my body, gonna jump ’n’ jive! RON/DANCERS: (Sing.) You gotta (The following four stanzas are sung as a duet.) Listen to the beat. You gotta feel that rhythm. 25 You gotta dance to the beat in your soul, Hallelujah, gonna sing it, gonna shout it ‘til we’re barely alive! JULIET/ACTORS: (Sing.) Hey, brother! Hey, sister! Everybody listen to the groovy beat! Hey, brother! Hey, sister!

30 Raise your hands and stomp your feet!

RON/DANCERS: (Sing.) We’re gonna listen to the beat! We’re gonna kick up a storm!

We’re gonna raise that roof, yea boy, Hallelujah, gonna sing it, gonna shout it ‘til we’re barely alive! 35 JULIET/ACTORS: (Sing.) Hey, brother! Hey, sister! Everybody listen to the groovy beat! Hey, brother! Hey, sister! Raise your hands and stomp your feet! RON: (Snapping fingers again, by himself. Sings.) 40 You gotta listen to the beat.

RON/JULIET: (JULIET joins RON in finger snapping. Sing.) We’ve gotta trust each other.

1 If you listen to the beat of your heart You’ll know that everything will be fine. RON/JULIET/DANCERS/ACTORS: (All snapping fingers. Sing.) You gotta listen to the beat. 5 We’ve gotta work together. You gotta listen to the voice in your heart ’Cause, buddy there’s a lot on the line. RON/DANCERS: (Sing.) You gotta (The following two stanzas are sung as a duet.) 10 Listen to the beat. You gotta feel that rhythm. You gotta dance to the beat in your soul,

Hallelujah, gonna shake up my body, gonna jump ’n’ jive!

JULIET/ACTORS: (All clapping on beats two and four. Sing.) 15 Hey, brother! Hey, sister!

Everybody listen to the groovy beat!

Hey, brother! Hey, sister!

Raise your hands and stomp your feet! (The following two stanzas are sung as a duet.)

20 RON/DANCERS: (Sing.) We’re gonna listen to the beat!

We’re gonna kick up a storm! We’re gonna raise that roof, yea boy, Hallelujah, gonna sing it, gonna shout it ‘til we’re barely alive! JULIET/ACTORS: (Sing.) Hey, brother! Hey, sister! 25 Everybody listen to the groovy beat! Hey, brother! Hey, sister! Raise your hands and stomp your feet! RON/DANCERS: (Sing.) Listen, listen. RON/JULIET/DANCERS/ACTORS: (Stop handclapping. Sing.) 30 Listen, listen,

Listen to the beat! (A loud whisper.) Yea! (MUSIC OUT.)

JULIET: Look, Ron and I have come up with a plan. We think we’ve found a way to do both the dance and the play.

35 DANCERS/ACTORS: (Ad lib.) How are you gonna do that?… No way!… What, are you crazy?… Your fathers won’t let you… (Etc.)

JULIET: Do you want to hear it or not?

DANCERS/ACTORS: Okay, tell us! RON: All right. But this has got to stay top secret. No one can know 40 about this. (ALL gather around RON and JULIET. As the plan is

hatched, laughter and giggles come from the crowd.)

GIRL ONE: Okay, so I have to…

1 BOY ONE: And that’s when I… GIRL TWO: This is great! BOY TWO: Boy, are they going to be mad! (SPIDER comes from UP LEFT and begins to listen. He tries to get closer to hear what’s going on. 5 He grabs a chair and moves it next to the crowd. They don’t notice. SPIDER climbs up and leans over to hear. He loses his balance and yells. The crowd turns and SPIDER falls into them and they catch him. SPIDER is tossed onto his feet as the crowd stops and looks at him.) 10 SPIDER: Oh, hi… I’m looking for the dance… no. How ’bout the play? Oh, boy… (Runs. The CROWD chases him and carries him CENTER.) GROUP: (Ad lib.) Get him… Don’t let him get away… I’ve seen him somewhere… Who is he?… Boy, he’s fast… (Etc.) RON: Okay, buddy, why don’t you explain yourself.

15 SPIDER: There’s nothin’ to explain. I was just walkin’ by and I heard

this commotion and I thought I’d check it out. Next thing I know

you guys are chasin’ me halfway out of the county.

MERCY: Wait a minute. I recognize this guy. I saw his picture up in the

post office. He’s Spider Johnson.

20 RON: And just who is Spider Johnson? MERCY: He’s this cut-rate, second-story man that broke out of prison about six months ago. SPIDER: Hey, watch who you’re callin’ second rate. I done some high- class jobs in my time.

25 RON: So what’s a “high-class” thief like you doing around here?

There’s nothing here to steal.

SPIDER: Well, there ain’t no cash but there’s always other stuff you can… whoops. RON: What do you mean by that? 30 SPIDER: Nothin’. I don’t mean nothin’. I want to see my lawyer.

RON: And who would that be?

SPIDER: It’s Mr. Gregory. Me and him is partners. I mean business

associates.

RON: And just what would Brad Gregory need a second-story man

35 around for? SPIDER: I ain’t sayin’ nothin’. MERCY: I bet I know a way we can make him talk.

SPIDER: Hey, no rough stuff!

MERCY: Oh, don’t worry. This won’t hurt a bit. (Signals to the ACTORS.

40 They take the feathers out of their caps and approach SPIDER.)

1 SPIDER: (Cringes and moves back into the crowd.) Wait a minute, wait a minute, this ain’t fair. (The CROWD closes around SPIDER and his shoes and socks fly out. We hear a loud cry then laughter from SPIDER.) No, stop! Stop! Ain’t youse ever heard of the Geneva 5 Convention… (The CROWD parts and we see SPIDER on the floor.

They are holding up his bare feet and tickling them with their feathers.) I can’t tell ya… I won’t tell ya… RON: Okay. Once more into the feet! SPIDER: No! No!! I’ll tell ya everything. Just stop with the ticklin’.

10 MERCY: Okay, what’s the dope, dope?

SPIDER: Well, it’s Brad Gregory. He set me up the last time I went to jail. I was tryin’ to go straight, had a job and everything. But he

calls and asks me to do him this little favor. You see, the safe in his office had a broken lock. And Brad knew I had a little “experience” 15 gettin’ into locked safes. He says he’s got this necklace in the safe and he needed it. So I figured I’d help him out. RON: What’s that got to do with anything? SPIDER: I’m gettin’ there. Okay, so I goes to his office and I opens the safe. I take the necklace to Brad. He pays me and just as I’m 20 gettin’ in my car, the cops put the pinch on me sayin’ I stole the necklace from Brad. So I end up doin’ time.

MERCY: Why didn’t you tell the police that Brad hired you?

SPIDER: Hey, I ain’t no squealer. I’m not gonna rat out a brother crook. RON: So Brad’s a crook. But why is he doing this? 25 SPIDER: Well, I’ll tell ya. JULIET: And why should we believe you? You just said you’d never rat out a brother crook.

SPIDER: That’s right, I wouldn’t. But since Brad is blackmailing me

into doin’ his dirty work, that changes things. Just no more ticklin’, 30 okay? MERCY: Okay. SPIDER: Promise youse won’t tell anybody about my feet bein’ so ticklish? If the boys back in the yard heard that, I’d never live it down. 35 RON: Okay, we won’t tell if you tell us what Brad is up to. SPIDER: Well, one day I get this letter from Brad. It says how he wants to talk to me and all. I figure, what the heck. So he comes up to see me and says he’s got it all arranged to get me out. Well, that’s great, except for one little detail he forgot to tell me. He broke

40 me out. He didn’t get me out legal. So now I’m on the run with

1 nowhere to go and Brad Gregory’s holding it over my head. So I got to do what he tells me. RON: Why don’t you just turn him in? SPIDER: Like anybody’s gonna take my side? I’m a crook and he’s a 5 lawyer. MERCY: Sometimes it’s the same thing. JULIET: So why is he trying to wreck the dance and the show? SPIDER: He’s got this information that the highway commissioner is comin’ by to look at new sites for highway off-ramps. Brad wants 10 this property because it will be right next to the highway off-ramp. That makes it worth a lot of moolah. And the only way Brad can get his hands on it is by runnin’ both your fathers out of business. If they don’t pull off this dance and the play, then the mayor will pull

the plug on both of them and Brad will pick up the pieces.

15 JULIET: Why, that’s backstabbing!

RON: Lying!

JULIET: Terrible!

RON: Rotten!

SPIDER: Yeah, he’s a louse. But how are we gonna stop him? 20 ALL: We? SPIDER: Well, I figure if I throw in with the good guys maybe they won’t send me up for so long. Okay? JULIET: Okay, we’ll trust you. SPIDER: Hey, can I have my shoes and socks back? (ALL gather 25 around.)

RON: All right, we’ve got to keep our fathers away from each other until tonight. We’re going to end this feud once and for all. Tonight

we’re gonna make things right. Tonight we’re gonna put an end to

this fight.

30 MERCY: Tonight we’re gonna swing!

BETTY: Tonight we’re gonna jump ’n’ jive! (MUSIC CUE 7: “Jump ’n’

Jive.” All shout their approval. Sings.) We’re gonna play that swingtime music. We’re gonna celebrate tonight. 35 We’re gonna play that swingtime music. Stop that feudin’, stop that fight! MERCY: (Sings.) We’re gonna dance from eight ‘til mornin’. We’re gonna sleep from nine to five. We’re gonna play that swingtime music. 40 Kick my legs up, jump ’n’ jive! BOYS: (Sing.) Yea, that Duke can get me movin’.

1 GIRLS: (Sing.) Tommy Dorsey’s got the beat. BOYS: (Sing.) Glen and Benny have that rhythm. GIRLS: (Sing.) Woody’s got me on my feet!

ALL: (Sing.) We’re gonna play that swingtime music.

5 We’re gonna dance that “Lindy Hop!”

We’re gonna play that swingtime music,

Break away ‘til we just can’t stop!

We’re gonna dance like “hellzapoppin’.” We don’t know if we’ll survive!

10 We got a groove and we ain’t stoppin’. Jitterbug, cut a rug, jump ’n’ jive! BETTY: (Speaks in rhythm.) Are you hep to the jive? ALL: (Shout.) Yeah!

BETTY: (Speaks in rhythm.) Got the “Jungle Jive.” 15 ALL: (Loudly whisper, in rhythm.) Yeah, boy! MERCY: (Speaks in rhythm.) Got the “G.I. Jive.” ALL: (Speak in rhythm.) Yeah, boy! SOLO BOY: (Speaks in rhythm.) Got the “Java Jive.” ALL: (Speak in rhythm.) Yeah, boy! 20 SOLO GIRL: (Speaks in rhythm.) Got the “Hand Jive.”

ALL: (Speak in rhythm.) Yeah, boy!

SOLO BOY: (Speaks in rhythm.) Got the “No Name Jive.” ALL: (Speak in rhythm.) Yeah, boy! SOLO GIRL: (Speaks in rhythm.) Got the “Yodelin’ Jive.” 25 ALL: (Speak in rhythm.) Yeah, boy! SOLO BOY: (Speaks in rhythm.) Got the “New York Jive.”

ALL: (Speak in rhythm.) Yeah, boy!

GIRLS: (Speak in rhythm.) Like the “Flat Foot Floogie with the Floy Floy.”

30 BOYS: (Speak in rhythm.) Gonna jump ’n’ jive! ALL: (Shout.) Yeah, boy! (Dance interlude/solo scat. Use three to six girls [or more] for solo scat section. All others dance.) SOLO GIRLS: (Sing.) Bah dahp bahp, bahp bahp bah dahp! Bah dahp bahp bahp bah dahp! 35 Bah dahp bahp bahp bahp bah dahp! Swing a little, shake a little, jump ’n’ jive!

Bah dahp bahp bahp bahp bah dahp! Bah dahp bahp bahp bah dahp! Bah dahp bahp bahp bahp bah dahp!

40 Swing a little, shake a little, jump ’n’ jive!

1 ALL: (Sing.) We’re gonna play that swingtime music. We’re gonna celebrate tonight. We’re gonna play that swingtime music. Stop that feudin’, stop that fight! 5 We’re gonna dance from eight ‘til mornin’. We’re gonna sleep from nine to five. We’re gonna play that swingtime music. Kick my legs up, jump ’n’ jive! SOLO GIRLS: (Or ALL GIRLS. Sing.) 10 “Like the Boogie, Woogie Bugle Boy from Company B!” ALL: (Sing.) We’re gonna jump ‘n ‘jive for you and me! (MUSIC OUT. BLACKOUT.) End of Scene One

ACT TWO Scene Two

LIGHTS UP. MR. CAPULET ENTERS RIGHT. He brings in a chair with him. MR. MONTAGUE ENTERS LEFT. He also has a chair. Both MEN 15 are dejected. They act as if they are in their offices working. BETTY

ENTERS RIGHT and crosses to MR. MONTAGUE. As she does this, JULIET ENTERS LEFT and crosses to MR. CAPULET. As BETTY and JULIET cross CENTER they give each other the thumbs-up sign. BETTY: Mr. M?

20 MR. MONTAGUE: Yes, Betty. What is it?

BETTY: Well, sir, everything is set for the dance tonight. I think it will be a big hit. MR. MONTAGUE: Thank you, Betty. We need it to be.

BETTY: (Starts to leave, then pulls note from her pocket.) Oh, by the

25 way, I have a note here for you. (Hands it to MR. MONTAGUE.)

MR. MONTAGUE: Who is it from?

BETTY: I don’t know, sir. There is no return address. (BETTY EXITS

LEFT.)

JULIET: Dad, a note just came for you.

30 MR. CAPULET: Really, from whom?

JULIET: I don’t know, but it looks important. (Hands him the note and EXITS RIGHT. Both MEN open their notes and begin to read silently.)

MAYOR: (ENTERS DOWN RIGHT and crosses CENTER. She speaks the words that are written in both notes.) Gentlemen, as you read this 35 I am making ready to close a deal with the highway commissioner that will be very profitable to all. There is one catch. You two will have to work together, closely, to make this happen. The entire

1 town will benefit as well. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, so I will need your answer tonight at seven o’clock precisely. Meet me at the ballroom. (As she finishes, she moves LEFT, then stops.) And no fighting! (EXITS LEFT.) 5 MR. MONTAGUE: (Angry.) Capulet. MR. CAPULET: (With disdain.) Montague. MR. MONTAGUE: I’ll give that man a piece of my mind… but then I’ll lose my business. Everything I’ve built up over the years. That bullheaded… 10 MR. CAPULET: Mule-brained… MR. MONTAGUE: Penny-pinching… MR. CAPULET: Skinflint… MR. MONTAGUE/MR. CAPULET: Why I’ve never met a man… more like me in the entire world. 15 MR. MONTAGUE: (Softening, to AUDIENCE.) The sad thing is, we used to be friends. MR. CAPULET: (Softening, to AUDIENCE.) It wasn’t always like this, you know… (MUSIC CUE 8: “Old Friend of Mine.” Sings.) There was a time of love and friendship, 20 Then the snow came and hearts grew cold. There was a time of summer blossoms. They disappeared as we grew old. MR. MONTAGUE: (Sings.) There was a time of brilliant music, Then the rains came and stole our song. 25 There was a time of wine and roses When we were young and days were long. MR. CAPULET: (Sings.) I remember growing up together, Fishin’ on the river on a sunshiny day. MR. MONTAGUE: (Sings.) I remember how we sat in the treehouse, 30 Laughing at the stupid little jokes we would play. MR. MONTAGUE/MR. CAPULET: (Sing.) In times of trouble, we would stick together. We’d toe the line. How I long to live it all again, 35 Old friend of mine. MR. MONTAGUE: (Sings.) I remember growing up together. MR. CAPULET: (Sings.) Long ago, we were the very closest of pals. I remember all the high school dances. MR. MONTAGUE/MR. CAPULET: (Sing.) 40 I was always best at gettin’ dates with the gals.

32 1 MR. MONTAGUE: (Sings.) We would bum around in any weather, Come rain or shine. MR. MONTAGUE/MR. CAPULET: (Sing.) How I long to live it all again, 5 Old friend of mine. (CHORUS ENTERS UP LEFT and UP RIGHT. The CHORUS should be DIMLY LIT with SPOTS remaining on MR. MONTAGUE and MR. CAPULET.) MR. MONTAGUE/MR. CAPULET/CHORUS: (Sing.) How I’d like to have that hometown feelin’ 10 Concert in the square on a Saturday night, Gath’rin’ at the chapel for the Holiday Social,

Sittin’ with my friend, sippin’ wassail delight.

Then everybody’d make a toast to love and friendship, Singin’ Auld Lang Syne. 15 I would surely live it all again. Old friend of mine. Old friend of mine. Old friend of mine. (MUSIC OUT. Lights dim on CHORUS. They EXIT.) MR. CAPULET: So be it. I’ll meet him at seven, but I won’t like it. 20 (EXITS RIGHT.) MR. MONTAGUE: We’ll settle this once and for all tonight. (EXITS LEFT. MUSIC CUE 8a: “Romeo and Juliet—Underscore.” The NARRATOR ENTERS RIGHT and crosses CENTER as MONTAGUE EXITS.) NARRATOR: The final scene is set to play as these get ready for 25 tonight. But how will our lovers fare in this family fight? Will greed and hatred rule the day, or will love burst through to show the way?

(EXITS LEFT. BLACKOUT.) End of Scene Two

ACT TWO

Scene Three

LIGHTS UP. The rehearsal is up and running in the dance hall. JULIET, MR. CAPULET and the ACTORS are CENTER.

30 MR. CAPULET: (To the ACTORS.) All right, everyone, one more time

with feeling. (SOUND EFFECT: CLOCK CHIMES SEVEN. MUSIC CUE 8b: “Jump ’n’ Jive–Underscore.” The DANCERS fly into the hall and take places surrounding the actors.) Hey, what’s this? I canceled this silly dance! 35 JULIET: Now, Dad, there’s something we have to tell you. MR. CAPULET: Whatever it is, it can wait. (Yells.) Montague! (Suddenly the DANCERS grab MR. CAPULET and begin to spin him around the floor.)

1 GIRL ONE: Come on, let’s dance! MR. CAPULET: I can’t dance! MERCY: Well it sure looks like you can. MR. MONTAGUE: (ENTERS RIGHT with BRAD and SPIDER.) Did I hear 5 the bellowing of a Capulet? (Crosses to ACTORS.) What’s all this? Why haven’t you cleared out like I told you to? BETTY: Well, sir, it’s just that…

MR. MONTAGUE: Betty. What in the blue blazes are you doing here?

Why are you dressed like that? You don’t mean to tell me that

10 you’re an… you’re an… actress?

BETTY: Well, yes sir, you see it’s like this… SPIDER: Didn’t I tell ya’. Here she is, big as day. Right behind your own back. BRAD: (To MR. MONTAGUE.) I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw it 15 with my own eyes. Betty Abraham stabbing you in the back. BETTY: Mr. Montague, this is for your own good. (Leads MR. MONTAGUE into the DANCERS who spin him around and away from CENTER as MR. CAPULET is pushed from the crowd to CENTER.) MR. CAPULET: Brad, what’s going on? Where’s Montague? I heard his 20 voice not a minute ago. BRAD: I don’t know. I’ll see if I can find him. (Disappears into the crowd. It’s clear that the DANCERS and the ACTORS are working together to keep all three men apart.) Get your hands off me! (The DANCERS and the ACTORS grab BRAD’S coat and pull it over his

25 head. He stumbles around the floor as the DANCERS and ACTORS

guide him away from the two fathers as they are spun and pushed

and dragged around the floor. RON and JULIET meet CENTER with SPIDER, who has some papers with him.) RON: (To SPIDER.) Did you get it?

30 SPIDER: Yeah, here’s the skinny. (To RON.) Your old man owns this

hall, right?

RON: Right.

SPIDER: (To JULIET.) And your old man owns the gravel yard, right?

JULIET: Right. But what… 35 SPIDER: (Quickly.) If Brad gets them both, he’ll be able to get the contract to supply the highway with all the gravel they need, and he’ll have the only highway entrance to get it there. He’ll get ’em comin’ and goin’. He’ll make a fortune. JULIET: So how do we get our fathers to stop fighting and start talking?

1 SPIDER: I have an ace up my sleeve! (He takes out a lovely jeweled necklace and shows it to JULIET and RON, then puts it back into his pocket.) JULIET: Oh, it’s beautiful. 5 RON: Where’d you get that? SPIDER: Borrowed it from our pal Brad. This is the one he had me steal when he framed me. RON: So what good is it to us?

SPIDER: It was your mother’s.

10 RON: What?! SPIDER: (To RON.) That’s right. Your father bought it by borrowing money from the Mayor’s bank. It was gonna be an anniversary gift. Brad stole it and laid the blame on (To JULIET.) your dad. They haven’t talked to each other since. And when your moms passed 15 away, that was it. Ever since, Brad has been the go-between and he’s been lyin’ to both of them. Now all he has to do is show the Mayor that they can’t get along and that will be the end. She’ll close them down, and Brad will take over both of their businesses. JULIET: Oh my! This is worse than I thought. They could both lose 20 everything. RON: What can we do? SPIDER: Spin your fathers back here. I got an idea. (RON and JULIET go to their fathers and dance them back CENTER.) BRAD: (Gets control of himself and comes back to CENTER. As he 25 takes his coat off his head, he crosses to SPIDER. To SPIDER.) This is better than I could have hoped for. Those two old fools are so hot-headed they won’t even stop when the Mayor gets here. I can just smell the money. SPIDER: Yeah. I bet you can. Listen, laughing boy. Remember that job 30 I did for you? The one that sent me up the river?

BRAD: Of course.

SPIDER: Am I ever gonna get paid for it? BRAD: Oh, you’ll get what’s coming to you. Don’t worry. SPIDER: Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of. So I took out a little life 35 insurance policy. (Pulls out the necklace.) BRAD: Where did you get that? I locked it up in my… SPIDER: In your safe. You just can’t trust some people, can you? (RON and JULIET return with their fathers.) MR. MONTAGUE: I demand to know what’s going on. (To MR. CAPULET.) 40 And why is this man here?

1 MR. CAPULET: Don’t you point your bony finger at me. I’m trying to run a rehearsal. Stop the music! (MUSIC OUT. EVERYONE stops dancing.) MAYOR: (ENTERS with her YES PEOPLE. They cross DOWN CENTER, 5 followed by JUDY and her broom.) So, what’s all this?

MR. CAPULET: Why, Ms. Mayor. How are you, Ma’am?

MAYOR: I was expecting to see a dance. Part of me sees it and part of me sees a rehearsal. Do we have some kind of problem?

MR. CAPULET/MR. MONTAGUE: (Together.) Well… we… 10 BRAD: (Grabs his chance.) Ms. Mayor. If I may. We have a dance that can’t take place because of the rehearsal that Mr. Capulet refuses to cancel. And we have a play that can’t happen because Mr. Montague refuses to rearrange the dance. Now I ask you, are these two men suited to be businessmen? I don’t think so. Not 15 only that, but they hired this man (Points to SPIDER.) to rob me and

make it look like I had done it myself. SPIDER: Hey, wait a minute!

BRAD: (Points to SPIDER.) That man is an escaped felon! Arrest him! SPIDER: Hey, I’m a good guy! 20 JUDY: Just a moment, please. BRAD: You’ve got nothing to say. You’re just a cleaning lady. JUDY: That’s just my cover, Mr. Gregory. I’m a private detective and I’ve been tracking a Greg Bradley for some time now. (Points to BRAD.) This man uses people, then bilks them out of their money. He’s 25 wanted in three states. Here’s the documentation on him. (Hands it to the MAYOR.) MAYOR: (Studies the papers.) Well, this seems to be in order. Take him into custody. (The YES PEOPLE grab BRAD.) YES PEOPLE: Yes, yes, yes. Right away. 30 BRAD: You can’t do this to me! YES PEOPLE: Yes, we can. Yes, we most certainly can. Oh, yes. RON: (To SPIDER.) Now, Spider. (SPIDER pulls out the necklace. The fathers react.)

SPIDER: Brad had this all along. He was playin’ you two for suckers.

35 He knew you were both too stubborn to talk to each other. So he

took the necklace and lied to each of you about the other so you’d feud forever.

JULIET: (To MR. CAPULET.) Dad, we have to talk.

RON: (To MR. MONTAGUE.) And so do we. 40 MR. MONTAGUE: Not quite so fast. Capulet!

1 MR. CAPULET: Montague! (They cross toward one another. The room is tense. They seem ready to get into a fight. They stop nose to nose, hesitate a moment, then hug. The room goes up in cheers and applause.) 5 MAYOR: Now, you two. Is there a problem? MR. MONTAGUE: Only that we’ve been two old fools. MAYOR: I could have told you that. Now, will we have a dance and a show? MR. CAPULET: If we work together we will.

10 MR. MONTAGUE: And we will. (They shake hands.)

MERCY: What fools these mortals be.

SPIDER: What? MERCY: Just something I read once. (To the MAYOR.) What about Spider? We never could have stopped Brad without his help. 15 MAYOR: (To SPIDER.) Is it true that you’re an escaped convict? SPIDER: (Hesitates.) Yeah, I guess you could call me that. MAYOR: Since you obviously have changed your ways, I’d be happy to put in a good word for you. Is there anyone else here who would testify on your behalf? 20 SPIDER: (Looks around.) Anybody want to be my friend? ALL: (Except BRAD.) You bet! He’s an all-right guy. I’ll stand up for you. (Etc.) MAYOR: With friends like this, I don’t think we’ll have any trouble getting you leniency. (Looks at BRAD.) And with this evidence, I 25 believe we may even get you a pardon. (To the YES PEOPLE.) What do you think? YES PEOPLE: Oh, yes, yes, yes. A pardon! MAYOR: And I’m sure we can find you a job.(To MR. CAPULET and MR. MONTAGUE.) Right, gentlemen? 30 MR. CAPULET/MR. MONTAGUE: Absolutely! SPIDER: (To RON.) Hey, this good guy stuff really pays off. RON: Just stay on the straight and narrow and there’s no telling how far you can go. SPIDER: Don’t worry about me. From now on, I’m a law-abidin’ citizen. 35 BRAD: (To SPIDER.) You ratted me out!

SPIDER: Nope. I just let you have enough rope so you could hang yourself. Have a good time in prison. Hey, are you ticklish?

BRAD: As a matter of fact I am. So what? (SPIDER looks to the ACTORS who take the feathers from their hats as the YES PEOPLE 40 take BRAD OFF RIGHT. The ACTORS follow.) What are you doing? No

1 wait… noooo! (He begins to laugh from OFFSTAGE.) Not the feet! Not the feet! JUDY: (To the MAYOR.) Well, Ma’am, thank you for your help. I’ll inform the proper authorities about Brad and Spider. 5 MR. MONTAGUE: (To MR. CAPULET.) Well, shall we have your rehearsal? MR. CAPULET: Your dance should come first. MR. MONTAGUE: You first. I insist. MR. CAPULET: No, you. MAYOR: Gentlemen.

10 MR. MONTAGUE: Don’t be bullheaded.

MR. CAPULET: Bullheaded! Why you…

RON/JULIET: Dad! (The FATHERS look at each other and laugh.)

MAYOR: (To RON and JULIET.) You two keep them in line.

RON: We will.

15 JULIET: Don’t worry.

MERCY: I’ve got an idea. Since everyone is here, how about we have

the dance now and when we take a break you can rehearse?

MR. CAPULET: That’s fine by me. MR. MONTAGUE: And me. 20 MERCY: Well, then, everybody get a partner, and let’s dance! (Grabs a partner. The CAST pairs up. SPIDER is standing alone as GIRL ONE comes up to him.) GIRL ONE: You look like you could use a dance partner. SPIDER: Boy, could I. Thanks. (The CAST FREEZES as LIGHTS DIM. 25 MUSIC CUE 8c: “Jitterbug Juliet–Reprise.” SPOT UP on RON and JULIET.)

RON: (Speaks.) Well, it looks like our dads are getting along. How about us?

JULIET: (Speaks.) O, Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

30 Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I’ll no longer be a Capulet. However, since we don’t have to be melodramatic about it, how about a dance for starters? 35 RON: (Speaks.) I thought you’d never ask. (The CAST UNFREEZES. RON and JULIET join the others. As they do, the CAST breaks into DANCERS and ACTORS.) CAST: (Sings.) Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug! Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug!

1 Jitterbug, jitterbug, cut a rug! Gonna dance and swing ‘til the mornin’ light. We’re gonna party all night! Whoo! (Dance interlude/sax solo. DANCERS jitterbug while ACTORS cheer them on.) 5 Jitterbug, jitterbug Juliet! Dance to the rhythm ‘til you break a sweat. Goody, goody, golly, what a pretty dolly, Jitterbug Juliet! GIRLS: (Sing.) Jitterbug, jitterbug Juliet! 10 A hubba hubba, super duper, sweet coquette, BOYS: (Sing.) Swingin’ and a-swayin’, while the cats are playin’, CAST: (Sings.) Jitterbug Juliet! Jitterbug Juliet! Jitterbug Juliet! 15 Jitterbug, jitterbug, Jitterbug, jitterbug, Jitterbug, jitterbug, Juliet! (BLACKOUT. MUSIC OUT.) END OF MUSICAL MUSIC CUE 8d: “Curtain Call–Jump ’n’ Jive.” Direct segue from MUSIC 20 CUE 8c. After ALL ENTER, SOLO GIRLS scat while all others jitterbug. SOLO GIRLS: (Sing.) Bah dahp bahp, bahp bahp bah dahp! Bah dahp bahp bahp bah dahp! Bah dahp bahp, bahp bahp bah dahp! Swing a little, shake a little, jump ’n’ jive! 25 Bah dahp bahp, bahp bahp bah dahp! Bah dahp bahp bahp bah dahp! Bah dahp bahp, bahp bahp bah dahp!

Swing a little, shake a little, jump ’n’ jive!

CAST: (ALL ONSTAGE, sing.) 30 We’re gonna play that swingtime music, We’re gonna celebrate tonight.

We’re gonna play that swingtime music, Stop that feudin’, stop that fight! We’re gonna dance from eight ‘til mornin’,

35 We’re gonna sleep from nine to five. We’re gonna play that swingtime music, Kick my legs up, jump ’n’ jive! SOLO GIRLS: (Or ALL GIRLS. Sing.) Like the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy from Company B. (BLACKOUT.)

PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES ONSTAGE ACT ONE, Scene One: A few tables and chairs, banner that reads “The Verona Room,” phone.

PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON ACT ONE, Scene One Script (NARRATOR) Briefcase, papers (BRAD GREGORY) Scripts and papers (BETTY) ACT ONE, Scene Two Scripts, Shakespearean props (JULIET) ACT ONE, Scene Three Broom (JUDY) ACT ONE, Scene Four Wooden swords, window flat (ACTORS) Script (MR. CAPULET) Script (BETTY) Sandwich (JOHN) ACT TWO, Scene Two Chairs (MR. MONTAGUE, MR. CAPULET) Notes (BETTY, JULIET)

ACT TWO, Scene Three Papers, necklace (SPIDER) Papers (JUDY)

SOUND EFFECTS

Clock rings seven.

COSTUMES

Period costumes from the 1940s will address almost all of your needs, with just a few special details. GIRL DANCERS will want full skirts that show dance movements well.

BETTY wears glasses and should be dressed in muted, conservative clothing. JUDY wears overalls and work boots. A handkerchief hangs from her back pocket. The NARRATOR wears a Renaissance costume to give the flavor of the Shakespearean period.

ACTORS do not require full Shakespearean costumes since it’s only a rehearsal for the play, however they do need Shakespearean hats with feathers in them.

BRAD wears a suit.

FLEXIBLE CASTING Many of the characters in the show have been written so they can be played by either a man or a woman, including NARRATOR, MAYOR, YES

PEOPLE, JUDY and MERCY. Change names and pronouns as needed.

Even MR. MONTAGUE and MR. CAPULET could be changed to mothers with a few changes in dialogue. Overall, the design of the musical gives the director much latitude in both the size and the cast balance.

ABOUT THE DANCE NUMBERS Jitterbugging covers a lot of ground. It can be something as simple as a spin or as complex as the fantastic maneuvers seen in competitions. The most important thing is to keep it clean, so don’t attempt more

than you can handle. Lots of changing partners is visually fun and not that difficult to choreograph. In the 1940s it was very common for girls to dance with each other so you have much flexibility to stage a big dance number. The main thing is to keep the energy high throughout the show with characters that are big and fun. The action should fit that. Have fun.