“A GIRL CHILD AIN’T SAFE IN A FAMILY OF MEN”: BREAKING

THE SECRECY BETWEEN AFRICAN-AMERICAN MOTHERS AND

DAUGHTERS ABOUT FAMILIAL CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

______

A Thesis

Presented to the

Faculty of

San Diego State University

______

In Partial Fulfillment

of the Requirements for the Degree

Master of Arts

in

Communication

______

by

Jacqueline LaReux

Summer 2015

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Copyright © 2015 by Jacqueline LaReux All Rights Reserved

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DEDICATION

I dedicate these pages to my father, my mother, my siblings, my framily,(friends that are like family), and most of all, my daughter. I thank the women who have entrusted me with their truth, pain, sorrow, and new found light. I will forever be grateful to each and every one of you. These pages are also for all the “Jacquelines” out there whose voices are still silenced. I pray you will find you voice and speak, yell, or SCREAM your truth. May your voices never be silenced again.

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Nothing ever gets healed if you keep it covered up -Tyler Perry I can do bad all by myself

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ABSTRACT OF THE THESIS

“A Girl Child Ain’t Safe in a Family of Men”: Breaking the Secrecy Between African-American Mothers and Daughters about Familial Childhood Sexual Abuse by Jacqueline LaReux Master of Arts in Communication San Diego State University, 2015

Keeping the secret of childhood sexual abuse creates unbelievable pressure for the carrier of that secret. Childhood sexual abuse is the sexual mistreatment of any child under the age of 18. It is a phenomenon shrouded in secrecy that affects children of every race, sex, culture, and ethnic group. Abuse suffered during childhood or adolescence breeds shame, distrust, and most of all secrecy. Children who have been abused may hold onto their secrets for months or even years. Unfortunately, cultural norms may also hinder the child from sharing their secret. As is the case in the African-American generational culture of secrecy, African-American mothers teach their children, especially their daughters, at very young age, not to relay information to anyone outside of their home, perpetuating the culture of “keeping your business out of the street.” This generational culture of secrecy comes at a very high cost to the child, breeding a future of long-term mental and emotional scars that follow them well into adulthood. This research is a qualitative study using an autoethnographic approach in order to investigate the communicative breaks in the relationships between African-American mothers and daughters who have survived childhood sexual abuse. I interviewed women from my immediate family and close friends concerning their experiences with familial childhood sexual abuse and the lack of communication they had with their mothers. The aim of this study is to understand what communicative elements hinder disclosure between African-American mothers and daughters.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

PAGE

ABSTRACT ...... vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ...... x CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION ...... 1 Addressing a Phenomenon: The Prevalence of Childhood Sexual Abuse ...... 8 The Forms of Childhood Sexual Abuse ...... 9 The Perpetrators of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Dispelling the Myth of “Stranger Danger” ...... 10 The Initiation and Perpetuation of Childhood Sexual Abuse ...... 11 The History of Secrecy in the African-American Community: Containing Family Secrets ...... 12 “I couldn’t Talk about Anything Sexual with My Mother”: The Culture of Missed-Education of Sexual Education ...... 14 “Keeping Your Business out of the Street”: How Silence Can Be a Form of Familial Protection ...... 17 “And the Church Said Amen”: The Role the African-American Church Plays in Perpetuating the Silence of Abuse ...... 18 “I Don’t Want Mama to be Mad”: A Child’s Fear of Maternal Relational Loss ...... 19 “Don’t You Believe Me Mama?”: The Effects of Non-Maternal Support ...... 21 “She Knew Immediately”: The Importance of Maternal Support ...... 25 “The Taboo against Talking about Incest Is a Strong One”: Efforts to Curtail Childhood Sexual Abuse by Creating the Survivors Voice through Narrative ...... 26 2 PIECES OF A STAINED GLASS WINDOW: COMBINING METHODOLOGY AND REFLEXIVITY ...... 31 Uplifting Their Voices: Data Collection and Field Notes ...... 40 Interviews ...... 40

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Narrative Lens ...... 41 Field Notes ...... 42 No Longer a Secret: Sharing My Story through Reflexivity ...... 43 3 GLASS MENAGERIE: THE BROKEN FACETS OF SILENCE...... 47 Episode #1: Tears of a 5-year Old Statue ...... 48 “I’m Going to Show You How to Love Me How I Like It”: The Complex Facets of Silencing and Secrecy ...... 53 Performative Engagement ...... 54 Self-Silencing ...... 55 Familial Collaboration ...... 55 Physical and Verbal Threats ...... 56 Nonverbal Validation ...... 56 “He Bought Her a Camaro Too”: Performative Engagement ...... 57 “I Just Remember My Mom not Believing It, not Saying Like, ‘Oh I Don’t Believe You”: Familial Collaboration ...... 59 “I'm Pretty Sure that She Was Crying and Was Visibly Distraught”: Nonverbal Validation ...... 62 “I Just Keep it to Myself . . . Because You Can't Go Back. No Matter What They Do, That Innocence Is Never Going to Be Returned”: Self- Silencing of Body and Voice...... 63 Episode #2: Another Hard Lesson of Concrete and Marble...... 63 “She Told Me that I Had to Listen to Her or She Would Tell My Parents I Didn’t Mind Her”: Verbal and Physical Threats ...... 68 Episode #3: Game Night ...... 68 “I Remember Him Saying I Was Pretty”: Compliments as a Means of Gaining Compliance ...... 71 Episode #4: A Pretty Lil’ Statue ...... 71 Summary ...... 74 4 HEALING: PUTTING THE FRAGMENTED PIECES OF COMMUNICATION BACK TOGETHER AGAIN ...... 75 Introduction ...... 75 Summary of Thesis Results ...... 79 Conclusions ...... 82 Theoretical Implications ...... 87

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Practical Implications...... 91 Methodological Implications ...... 92 Limitations and Directions for Future Research ...... 93 Concluding Thoughts ...... 95 REFERENCES ...... 107 APPENDIX INTERVIEW GUIDE ...... 117

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This is the tricky part. It reminds me of actors who have won an Oscar and need to give their acceptance speech. They try to thank everyone, but always end up leaving someone out. I will try my best not to leave anyone unmentioned. First, I would like to say thank you to my family. Although our relationships have been tested and continue to be tested, we’re family, through and through. To my siblings: thank you for your encouragement and to my mother, thank you with all the love in me. Bobby, continue to reach for the stars, eventually you’ll catch one. Hakim, thank you for setting the example of the importance of education. Ramirr, when you make mistakes, don’t keep making them, learn from them. You have the potential to do good things, tap into it. Amirah, we went through this process together, encouraging each other along the way, crying and being angry, but we kept going. Keep climbing until you reach the peak of your academic mountain. WE MADE IT!! I love you all. Mom, this has been a working masterpiece, my masterpiece, and maybe you won’t understand my reasons for writing this, but I’m hoping one day you will. I had to write this for me. This was a part of my healing and I’m continuously healing. We haven’t always seen eye to eye, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less. In times of our adversities, I never loved you less. I know you see me differently than you see your other children, maybe you always have, but it doesn’t change my love for you. I want to truly thank you for all that you’ve done for me and Ayana. You are truly loved more than you know. You are the best grandmother a child could ask for. I see the way you treat your grandchildren and it shows your capacity for love and care, but no matter what age your children are, they deserve and need it all the same. A child will never stop reaching for their parent’s approval and unconditional love. I love you mom. Ayana, you are the sun in my sky and the stars of my night. You have given my life purpose and meaning. I didn’t have an identity until I became a mother. You forced me to do

xi my very best, even through adversity, I wanted to show you my resilience. Working three jobs and going to school at night, was exhausting, but I wanted to make sure you never wanted or needed anything. I have always shown you that with an education anything is possible, even for a teen mother. I worked hard like that, so you wouldn’t have to. Thank you for being my motivation and light. Hopefully my courage for standing up for myself and others makes you proud to be my daughter. I am proud of you and all that you strive to do. As you continue your educational journey, I want you to remember one thing… if you can believe it, you WILL achieve it. I love you child. Next, I would like to acknowledge the team that got me to this point. I would like to say a special thank you to my TAG team: Dr. Geist-Martin, Ari, Marquesa, Kevin, and “sometimes” Dave. You four have been an instrumental piece to my thesis puzzle. I thank you for all of your advice, kind words, and encouragement. I learned so much from each one of you: Kevin’s zest for life was such a “pick me up”, Ari’s sweet spirit was always very soothing, Dave’s humor kept me going time and time again, and Marquesa’s witty insights were so helpful. I truly thank you all. Dr. Geist-Martin, I cannot express what you have meant to me throughout this entire process. When we first agreed to work together, I must admit, I was intimidated by you. I was afraid that I wouldn’t live up to what you expected of me. You have helped me not only change the words in this text, but you have also helped me see the change in myself. You believed in me when I didn’t think I had anything left. You have a way of finding the littlest opening inside of someone and you try to pull it out of them. Whatever it is, hurts because you don’t think you have the strength to withstand the process, but you keep pulling at it anyway, and one day you manage to pull it completely out. You have done that for me. I didn’t think I could withstand this process. I wanted to give up so many times. I knew that I wanted to tell my story, but I just didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t think I was smart enough. I didn’t think I was deserving. I remember one day I called you, crying hysterically after learning of Chester’s death, I felt like the whole world came crashing down on me, and you picked up the phone. You stayed on the phone with, speaking calmly, telling me to, “Breathe… just breathe.” I couldn’t catch my breath, I couldn’t stop crying, but you stayed on the phone long enough with me to calm down and speak. I will never forget that as long as I live. I thank you for so many things. I thank you for welcoming me into your home, I thank

xii you for devoting so much time and energy to my thesis, I thank you for sharing your story with me, and most of all… thank you for being the voice on the other end of the phone and calling me friend. I am truly grateful. The book and the One Woman Show are still on my bucket list, so let’s get to work! Dr. Lindemann, the first time I had your class was as an undergraduate. There was a connection I felt with you and I knew I wanted to continue to take your classes. As one of your graduate students, I knew I wanted to work with you because of your expertise and passion for ethnography. You were always so interested in the topics I wanted to research, even though they centered around LGBTQ health issues, you never treated my research as less than. I do regret not being able to work with the acting troupe, but I would like you to help me with my one woman show one day. Thank you for your support and the laughs in your class. Your extensive knowledge about Hip Hop and Pop Culture references never ceases to amaze me. Dr. Lara, even though I haven’t worked with you that long, I have to thank you for giving me the inspiration to write my story. When I went to the women’s conference, it changed my life, it truly did. Sitting in a room full of women whose hearts are free of malice and envy and filled with love and respect, was truly life altering. It’s an experience that set me on the journey that has lead me to write these words. I was going to write a thesis about a completely different subject until I attended that conference. Thank you for your support, your insight into women’s issues, locally and abroad, and thank you for your guiding spirit. You told me to listen to and with my heart during this process and I can say that I have. When I needed to cry, I cried, when I needed to run, I ran, and when I needed to scream, boy did I SCREAM! Thank you for giving me the insight to allow myself permission to feel. There is also another special person I would like to thank. She isn’t a committee member, but she has always been a part of my special council. Sharon, all I can say is, THANK YOU!! There isn’t a word that truly describes the gratitude I have for you. For last 20 years you have been a constant in my personal and academic life. From the first time I sat in your class as a 19 year old pregnant teen, I felt a connection with you. You have been in my corner, pushing me to do bigger and better things. When I didn’t think I was smart enough, you proved me otherwise, when I thought I wasn’t going to finish an assignment, you showed me I would, and when I didn’t think I would get

xiii into the graduate program, you told I would, and I did! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are appreciated more than you know. You’ve been my professor, my speech coach, my mentor, and most of all my friend. I love you Sharon. I want to give a special thank you to my framily. Titi, (aka Wifey #1), you know I can’t even put into words what you mean to me. You know how much mama loves and appreciates you. I appreciate the times you spent with me at the library, as I wrote you worked. You’ve always been in my corner… all the while, complaining about how long it’s been since I could come out and play. You make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. No one knows my humor like you. No knows our movies like us! I mean “cause if you want to work for Lutha’s Janitorials” you have to come correct. Just know, “you and me us never part, you and me us have one heart. Ain’t no ocean, ain’t no sea, keep my Titi ‘way from me”. Looking forward to making more memories with you! #Luthasforever. Love you boo! Sissy, it’s been 10 years since I met you and we have been living it up since the days of Bad Kitty. Thank you for being the sap that you are. You have been with me through my loves, breakups, makeups, exams, loans, books, and all… you’ve been there. You would tell me how proud you were to call me sister. I feel the same for you. Even though you may think I am trying to rain on your parade of fun, I’m not, I just want the best for you. You one of my biggest and LOUDEST cheerleaders and I wouldn’t replace you for the world. You are the best MAC havin’, loud jewelry blingin’, tight dress wearin’, non-high heel walkin’ bestie I could have ever asked for. I love you to pieces boo. I will continue to be in your corner, even when you think I’m judging, I’m not, I just have my opinions… and you know what they say about opinions. Love you Sissy. Laine, (Wifey #2), you see my crazy every day. We have been friends for 16 years and I have had such a great time ever since. You have seen my highest highs and my lowest lows. You have always been a willing participant on the roller coaster I call My Life. Thank you friend for being there when I needed to laugh, when I needed an ear, or when I needed a shoulder. You are one of my fiercest protectors and I will always love you for that. You pushed me when I didn