B E Y O N D S U R V I V I N G

S A F E T Y P R O G R A M

T O WA R D A M O V E M E N T TO PREVENT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE 1 P R E FA C E 3 T O WARD A MOVEMENT TO PREVENT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE 6 O B S TACLES TO CREATING AN EFFECTIVE PREVENTION MOVEMENT 1 5 C R E ATING NEW PRACTICES 2 1 A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S 2 2 R O U N D TABLE PA RT I C I PA N T S BEYOND SURVIVING: TOWARD A MOVEMENT TO PREVENT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

GILLIAN MURPHY COPYRIGHT© 2002 MS. FOUNDATION FOR WOMEN MISSION STAT E M E N T

The Ms. Foundation supports the efforts of women and girls to govern their own lives and influence the world around them. Through its leadership, expertise and financial support, the Foundation champions an equitable society by effecting change in public consciousness, law, philan- thropy and social policy.

BELIEFS AND VALUES STAT E M E N T Our work is guided by our vision of a just and safe world where power and possibility are not limited by gender, race, class or sexual orientation. We believe that equity and inclusion are the cornerstones of a true democracy in which the worth and dignity of every person is valued. BEYOND SURVIVING P R E FA C E

Child sexual abuse (CSA) is a problem that has remained hidden for too long. Many agree that it is one of, if not the most, taboo problems that we as a society choose to shun. The number of girls and boys who are sexually abused in this country perpetuates patterns of gendered abuse and violence. And when family, teachers, family friends, and religious leaders—the very relationships that should define trust, safety and nurt u- rance—become violators, then safety at its core is removed.

The profound impact of this breaking of trust and safe- At this meeting, we asked, “What would grassroots ty cannot be underestimated. It can trigger disorder of activism to end this form of abuse look like?” We also the highest magnitude and dissolve fundamental build- began to explore ideas for how society can talk about ing blocks for social interactions and relationships. We and respond to CSA differently and more effectively. are only beginning to understand how the lifelong We talked about barriers to shifting our social para- effects of CSA and our inability as a culture to stem the digm and changing institutions to engage survivors and tide or treat the offenders impacts not only individual diverse communities at the center of the work to end development, but also our understanding and child sexual abuse. We struggled with the gendered approaches to creating safe communities. implications of CSA and how communities can protect children, help build healthy families, and hold those The Ms. Foundation for Women is deeply concerne d responsible more accountable. about child sexual abuse and, in March 2002, convened a roundtable discussion on this topic. With a group of 27 It is important to note that this meeting came in the activists and professionals working in a variety of venues, midst of widespread allegations of sexual abuse by Ms. Foundation staff guided a discussion on what it priests in Catholic churches across the country. would take to build a grassroots movement to end child With the steady flood of new allegations each week, sexual abuse. Inspired by the strength, resilience, and cre- we may well be looking at a watershed moment for ativity of survivors, we envisioned a broad-based prev e n - this issue. Yet, public attention has focused on the tion movement that goes beyond surviving to creating a Catholic church and has yet to address the impact safe and supportive world for all children. Throu g h that child sexual abuse has on its survivors, or the grantmaking, the Foundation is committed to supporti n g many ways in which society has closed its eyes to this gr a s s r oots prevention and organizing strategies that offe r issue. There has been little acknowledgement of the a new vision of family and community, building safety for many other venues where sexual assault is experi- ch i l d r en at the core of a nurturing environment. enced by young people and not enough exploration

1 of the parish community’s complicity in keeping the have been strong voices in their communities, raising s e c ret and silence. aw a r eness of the issue and developing long-term solu- tions. Both for this meeting and for their contributions We realized in convening this meeting that a broad- to the wider agenda, we acknowledge the difficult and based movement to end child sexual abuse is a long cr eative work that is going on in a variety of forms. way off. There is certainly much work that has, and is, taking place to address the issue in a variety of forms With so little work that addresses community and venues, ranging from therapeutic interventions for activism, the Ms. Foundation has created this re p o rt survivors to treatment programs for sexual offenders; to provide a starting point for the work ahead. This child welfare advocacy and services to legislation that document offers a place to begin broader discussion punishes offenders; school-based prevention to public a round CSA and understand the complexities of the education campaigns; and parenting education to sur- issue, creating a place from which we can begin to vivor activism. Yet, there is little communication take ownership as a society and responsibility for among those who are doing pieces of this work; many changing those conditions from which CSA arises. who work on this issue comment that they are not In the attempt to begin this “ownership,” the word even aware of all that goes on. Without even the “we” is intentionally inserted into this document in awareness, it is impossible to develop a network or to place of “society. ” coordinate efforts. The issue of child sexual abuse does not fall squarely into its own “category,” but is often With significant input from the meeting, this report addressed at the periphery of other issues such as child outlines barriers to addressing child sexual abuse on a abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, and other grassroots level and describes beginning ideas for mov- related issues. As such, to talk about a broad-based, ing this work forward to its next step. It is not a meet- grassroots movement to end child sexual abuse is pre- ing summary, nor is it a comprehensive paper on the mature. And yet, we must find a way to begin. issues surrounding child sexual abuse. We offer this document as a way to launch public ownership and dis- We believe such a movement is possible. While there is cussion that will move us toward long-term solutions much to be done, many organizations and individuals to end child sexual abuse.

2 BEYOND SURVIVING: TO W ARD A MOVEMENT TO PREVENT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

he statistics are staggering: Over 300,000 chil- emerge every year, where is the national movement to dren are abused in the United States each year; understand child sexual abuse? And where is the move- approximately one in three adult women and ment to prevent it? one in six men were sexually abused as chil- Tdren. Some researchers estimate even higher numbers Child sexual abuse is not new. Wes t e r n chroniclers cite a for women. The effects, scientifically documented and “m o d e r n” history that dates back to the eighteenth cen- anecdotally related, are cyclical, chronic, debilitating, tu r y, when the Old Bailey in London documented 25 and sometimes fatal. Suicide attempts, depression, sex- pe r cent of their capital rape prosecutions involving chil- ually transmitted diseases, self-mutilation, substance dr en under age 10. Jean-Martin Charcot began studying abuse, recurrent victimization, eating disorders, sleep “hysteria” in female asylum patients in Paris in the disorders, gastrointestinal illness, abusive sexual and 1870s, laying the groundwork for Sigmund Freud to intimate relationships, increased risk of imprisonment, publish The Aetiology of Hysteria in 1896, the thesis that increased likelihood to be involved with sex work: documented the abuse of girls and the epidemic born these are some of the outcomes of denied, unaddressed out of its effects. Entire families can attest to the inter- child sexual abuse. Insidious and soul wounding, the generational abuse carried over from year to year, an pain does not end with the physical experience. unspoken genealogical truth. Yet, despite its prev a l e n c e Instead, it leaves an indelible emotional and neurologi- th r oughout history, child sexual abuse has been plagued cal imprint. with what Judith Lewis Herman dubbed, “episodic Over 300,000 children am n e s i a . ” 1 Much like the effects of trauma itself, child are sexually abused Despite the startling sexual abuse has a legacy where “periods of active inves- in the U.S each year. facts about child tigation have alternated with periods of oblivion.” sexual abuse, this country has yet to sustain a movement to prevent it. In this vein, for the last 30 years in the United States, Why? Given the nature of the abuse itself, the pro- child sexual abuse has sporadically re g i s t e red on the found health effects, and the overwhelming numbers of map of social and health-related concerns. In the individuals who have been affected, where is the public 1970s child sexual abuse was publicly examined for outrage? In an age when health activism has reached an the first time within both a political context and in all-time high and new understandings of how social s e rvice provision. Activists and advocates began to factors are intrinsically linked to health outcomes frame the problem in terms of power dynamics, linking

1 Judith Lewis Herman wrote the landmark book on psychological trauma entitled, Trauma and Recovery: the aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror, published in 1992.

3 the causes and effects of social oppression and violence focused on developing curricula to teach childre n against women with the understanding that child sexu- how to both identify and protect themselves against al abuse is not about the failings of individuals and abuse from strangers. This conception of primary individual families, but part of a larger fabric of power- p revention left children in charge of protecting them- selves and ignored the much larg e r Despite its prevalence throughout history, child sexual p roblem of abuse within the family abuse has been plagued with what Judith Lewis and those close to them. Herman dubbed, “episodic amnesia.” Much like the effects of trauma itself, ”periods of active investigation The 1990s witnessed a backlash have alternated with periods of oblivion.” against survivors and a significant stall in building a comprehensive prev e n - lessness and oppression. “Victims” of abuse began to tion movement. Despite increasing numbers of studies, recognize the healing properties of empowerment and res e a r ch and advances in clinical practice, the experiences “survivors” began to emerge. Still, though, a move- of survivors of child sexual abuse were challenged, most ment to prevent child sexual abuse was not sustained. markedly by the False Memory Foundation, an orga n i z a - tion created and supported primarily by individuals M a i n s t ream knowledge and recognition of child sexu- accused of abuse. The False Memory Foundation al abuse came out in the 1980s. Survivors’ voices launched a highly publicized campaign claiming that the gr ew even stron g e r , and providing adult survivors with a memories of childhood abuse that surfaced through ther- safe space to speak out and heal moved the issue forwa r d. Rigorous studies of the Child sexual abuse is sexual activity with a child by an adult, an adoles- ef fects of such abuse started appearing and cent or older child. When any adult engages in sexual activity with a the need for therapy and treatment was child, that is child sexual abuse. It is a crime in all 50 states. When sexual activity involves another child or an adolescent it is not always so clear. granted legitimacy. What was examined in Some kinds of sexual behavior among children might be innocent explo- the context of power dynamics in the 1970s rations rather than abuse. was now less reg a r ded as a social systems Child sexual abuse includes touching and non-touching behaviors. issue than an individual treatment concern. Th e r a p y , however, was not a multicultural Touching a child’s genitals (penis, testicles, vulva, breasts, or anus) outlet. Because of limited access and diffe r - for sexual pleasure or other unnecessary reason ences in cultural perceptions of therapy, Making a child touch someone else’s genitals, or playing sexual white, middle- to upper-income women (“pants-down”) games tended to seek therapy more than women Putting objects or body parts (like fingers, tongue, or penis) inside of color, men or men and women who had the vulva or vagina, in the mouth, or in the anus of a child for sexual pleasure or other unnecessary reason low incomes or were poor. As a res u l t , some professionals note, child sexual abuse Showing pornography to a child was erroneously pigeonholed as a “white Exposing a person’s genitals to a child wo m a n ’ s” issue. Photographing a child in sexual poses Encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts either in person While therapy and treatment gained or on a video momentum, heightened media attention Watching a child undress or use the bathroom, often without the framed child sexual abuse as a public ch i l d ’ s knowledge (known as voyeurism or being a “Peeping Tom ” ) safety hazard where strange men lurked in parks and playgrounds. The “stranger Reprinted with permission from STOP IT NOW!’s Guide Book, Child Sexual Abuse: Facts About Abuse and Those Who Might Commit It. danger” approach to prevention eff o rt s

4 apy were suggested, implanted, and theref o r e false. child sexual abuse over the last 30 years have assembled These allegations cast public skepticism and doubt about a piecemeal system of reactive approaches rather than su r vivors’ experiences. At about the same time, public well-conceived, proactive, and preventive ones. Even outrage over the death of Megan Kanka, a 7-year-old girl when policies have been well meaning and intended to who was raped and killed by her neighbor, a convicted protect, they have had little effect on the landscape sex offe n d e r , in New Jersey spurred the passage of that created the problem in the first place. “M e g a n ’ s Law.” This law established a reg i s t r y of con- victed and released child sexual offenders that is available What has emerged is a quietly growing realization that to the public. Other states and the federal governm e n t child sexual abuse is not just about individuals or indi- followed suit. While some professionals saw this as a nec- vidual families. It re q u i res more than individual heal- es s a r y step in holding abusers accountable, many convict- ing for survivors and punitive measures for abusers. ed abusers were released back into society without trea t - Child sexual abuse is a broad, deeply rooted, cro s s - ment, leaving others to feel that Megan’s Law pushed cultural, cross-economic epidemic that re q u i res dra- abusers back into hiding and made them even less likely matic shifts in the way we envision children, family, to ask for help. social re s p o n s i b i l i t y, power relationships and dynam- ics, sexuality and sex education, and systematized The complexities of child sexual abuse and the realities o p p ression. It is a problem found in every community. of those who abuse have been obscured by sensational- But despite the intense eff o rts of survivors, practition- ism and reactive politics. Institutional responses to ers, service providers, activists, and advocates to a d d ress the trauma of child sexual Child sexual abuse is a broad, deeply rooted, cross- abuse, a cohesive, bro a d - b a s e d cultural, cross-economic epidemic that requires dramat- movement to prevent child sexual ic shifts in the way we envision children, family, social abuse has yet to coalesce. responsibility, power relationships and dynamics, sexu- ality and sex education, and systematized oppression.

5 O B S TACLES TO CREATING AN EFFECTIVE PREVENTION MOVEMENT

oo Much To See society where so many members have themselves How is it possible that so many children are experienced unresolved and denied CSA. sexually abused each year and yet the average person on the street has no knowledge of this? ■ Shock, disbelief, denial. For those who have not THow can there be such a drastic social divide between experienced CSA dire c t l y, it may be the terrible the information we have and what we are willing to n a t u re of the act(s) that is hard to digest. Shock, acknowledge about child sexual abuse (CSA)? And if disbelief and denial are the responses of people this has been going on for so long, if it is so perva s i v e , who find it too hard to understand or cope with. why are we so unwilling or incapable of seeing it? I n t e rviewees also say that CSA is woven so thor- Th e r e are many complicated and interrelated rea s o n s oughly into the fabric of our society that to see it that we will discuss in the body of this document. But, means to recognize not only the nature of the ac c o r ding to one veteran, “Because it is too much,” abuse, but to acknowledge how extensively it has seems to sum up at least part of it. been tolerated. Judith Lewis Herman talks about coming “face to face … with the capacity “We need to recognize that this a form of social for evil in human nature . ” conditioning in our society. When we’re talking about the kinds of numbers and percentages ■ Seeing it everywhere around you. To fully we’re talking about, this is not an ’abnorm,’ this recognize the possibility of CSA means breaking through a thick cloak of denial. is a norm.” - Valerie Heller, Forensic Psychologist* It means seeing it in your family, your ■ Social paralysis. The very enormity and complexity friends, your neighbors, and your community. It of child sexual abuse makes it difficult for people to means the possibility of seeing your own history, or a d d ress. Like a deer caught in headlights, there is a experiencing the vicarious trauma of those it has social paralysis that catches and stops people when affected. Sometimes it means recognizing that it has they hear about or are being confronted with child occurred to your own child or a child with whom sexual abuse. There are intense emotions to con- you are close. For many, this is too much to see. tend with (e.g., horro r, sorro w, rage, despair) and too much of a reality or consciousness shift to bear. ■ S e c r e c y, shame, stigma. This is a triad of forces that In interviews conducted by the Ms. Foundation, operates simultaneously, both on a personal and most agree that this response is symptomatic of a social level, feeding and providing justification for

* All quotes are taken from the interviews.

6 each other. Secrecy begets shame begets stigma to paralyze us, make it difficult to identify what is ■ begets secrecy. Survivors report that part of what happening, disarm our ability to communicate pain and enables abuse is the ability to manipulate a child into confusion, and prevent abuse from happening again. secrecy. The secret is reinforced by the shame the child experiences and that follows the child through- ■ Sex and sexuality. At the base of our silence is the out his or her life. The dynamics of shame and secre- social discomfort around sex and sexuality, making cy, and powerlessness and fear, are deeply instilled in discussing even healthy sexual behaviors extremely the child, making it profoundly difficult for survivors difficult. Maladaptive sexual behaviors and violence to disclose CSA both at the time of abuse and are hard to address because we lack the basic skills to throughout their lives. In addition, child sexual name and identify the nuances of sex and sexuality, abusers are among the most stigmatized individuals both healthy and unhealthy. Our persistent inability in our society. They are publicly despised and ill-tol- to address sex and sexuality in a realistic, positive, or erated. This stigmatization does not allow potential even neutral manner supports and enforces shame and actual abusers appropriate outlets to reveal their and secrecy around sexual behaviors. The limited abusive behavior and seek help. Their stigmatization availability of comprehensive sexuality education feeds their shame, enforces their secrecy and under- leaves many young survivors to learn about sexuality mines prevention efforts. The social reaction to stig- from their abusers with a blurred distinction between ma, shame, and secrecy is to further stigmatize, healthy sexuality and sexual abuse. shame, and keep in secret. Silence is enforced by the abuser and maintained by society. ■ Stranger danger. In the absence of realistic and educated dialogue about CSA, the most prevalent The Silence: A Lack of Dialogue, Education, myth is that of the stranger lurking in the park or on and Information the street corner. This serves to mask and minimize The silence is deafening. Compounding the shame and the reality that abuse occurs most often with some- secrecy felt by survivors and abusers is a blanket of one the child knows and denies the experience of the silence over public dialogue. For a problem of such majority of survivors. It can lead to irrational fear epidemic proportions, the lack of public dialogue is instead of providing useful information for preven- striking and truly profound because child sexual abuse tion and intervention. is shrouded in secrecy and we lack a common language with which to address it. The silence created becomes ■ Sensationalized media. Media sensationalizes and its own language. In the absence of social knowledge, legitimizes mythology around abusers: that they are a myths and ignorance abound, pervading the media and demonic breed of men rather than the women and popular opinion. We need increased public dialogue; a men we know in our communities. Media highlights language with which to address sex, sexuality, and “stranger danger” instead of reporting on the full abuse; and basic information and education about who reality of CSA. The lack of positive images, in con- is affected and how frequently CSA occurs. trast to unhealthy and violent sexual images, limits discourse on child sexual abuse. ■ L a n g u a g e . We do not have a common language for abuse. Survivors, abusers, family members, and loved ■ Unequal information distribution. When good infor- ones don’t know how to translate the feelings before mation is available either through the media or or after abuse occurs. Survivors do not always through the efforts of advocates, healers, educators, describe the experience as abuse and therefore do not and/or activists, it is not equally available in all com- identify with programs that define it as such. The munities. Many brochures and other types of public lack of language does not adequately frame our education are typically available only in English, and understanding of the complexities involved. It tends even where translated, do not easily cross a cultural

7 divide. In addition, written information should be someone is to risk not being believed, getting in viewed as only one part of a larger solution to addres s trouble and getting the family into trouble. It is child sexual abuse. none of anyone else’s business.

The Family and Community ■ My community is sacred. In some immigrant Our families and communities are our most basic communities, communities of color, or small towns, building blocks for all relationships throughout our the sense of community as an extension of the lives. As children, we learn and grow in our families— family is compounded and may be so strong that no matter what their size and biologic relation—no identifying sexual abuse would be akin to family matter how well or badly they function. And our fami- betrayal. When communities have been confronted ly units are situated within communities upon which with multiple issues such as racism and poverty, we rely and draw heavily. Insidiously, most abuse of and where interactions with “systems” have yielded children happens within this intimate sphere, by trust- poor results, there is no desire to further interact ed and loved family or community members. Because with these systems. of the sacredness of family and its relationship to com- munity, CSA is wrapped tightly around issues of love, ■ Focusing on the “atypical” family. A heterosexual loyalty, responsibility, and betrayal. How do we deal two-parent family is still c o n s i d e red “normal” and with this in our families, our communities, and the is automatically given the right to privacy. Other institutions that are situated in these settings? We tend family configurations invite greater scrutiny and to look outward and blame, or inward and deny. When d i s a p p roval from outside. While sexual abuse occurs we do respond, we apply punitive measures that are in all kinds of families, it is easier to hide when neither uniformly just, nor respectful and supportive of fewer people are scrutinizing. the family where the abuse has occurred. We have yet to accept the full responsibility for CSA as a society— ■ Power and control. Within the heterosexual “nuclear” as parents, family, neighbors, friends, community family structure, there is often a hierarchy of power. members, and leaders. The father is at the top, the mother in the middle and children at the bottom. Fathers reign supreme ■ The family is sacred. The family is considered a over other family members, with exclusive rights and s a c red entity in our society with unquestioned power to do as they please. This dynamic exacerbates rights to privacy. There is little accountability abuse and the powerlessness of abused children. outside the family for actions that take place within the home, as outsiders are not accorded a role in ■ Children have no rights. C h i l d ren have little control family matters. Neighbors feel compelled to keep over their own destinies, with few rights outside of to themselves their suspicions of the child sexual those granted by their parents. In situations where abuse going on in the family down the street. the father sexually abuses his children, the father Family and friends even wonder if it is any of their may not feel a sense of wrongdoing because of his business that things seem a little strange between “entitlement” over his children, and the children the child and his or her relatives. a re powerless to go against the power stru c t u re within the family. ■ My family is sacred. Within the family where abuse is occurring, the pressure is strong to keep silent. Keep ■ The intergenerational impact. For some families, the family secret. Don’t disobey the rules or break abuse has carried on for so long in the family, it is loyalty. To speak up means to disavow the family, to considered the norm. Learning, development, and turn away. To talk to friends or neighbors is to betray coping systems within the family are often created the pact and air family secrets in public. To tell to accommodate it.

8 ■ Limited systems of response. Most incidents of CSA lessness, etc.—can virtually paralyze battered partn e r s , are not reported to authorities. When they are, the making them appear complicitous. Even under these system (child welfare and/or criminal justice) either ci r cumstances, mothers are held accountable for the responds by incarcerating the abuser, removing actions of their abusers. Within the child welfare children from the family, or both. These systems are sy s tem, responsibility means holding mothers culpable not geared toward allowing the family to stay for the well-being of their children . together or even to address healing for the family as a unit. Healing is focused on individuals (either ■ Institutionalized denial and tolerance. Community abuser or abused child) rather than engaging the institutions are products of our society. The same family and community as a whole. The systems act individuals who are neighbors and community upon individual weaknesses rather than seeking to members are part of these institutions. Schools, build family and community strengths. faith-based institutions, medical establishments, and other community institutions that do not respond ■ Additional impact on marginalized families. Not all openly and responsibly to allegations of child sexual families are treated equally. Poor, marginalized fami- abuse condone such behavior through silence and c reate a culture of acceptability. Many In New York City, all cases of child abuse and institutions appear more concerned with neglect are opened in the mother’s name, liability than with human interest and regardless of her involvement in the abuse. social re s p o n s i b i l i t y.

lies are exponentially more likely to live under the ■ R e s p o n s i b i l i t y. Whose responsibility is it to thumb of public institutions. In communities where prevent CSA? Often, responsibility to disclose has in c a r ceration is high, threat of incarceration as a res u l t been placed heavily on the child being abused. We of speaking about CSA within the family is grea t e r . In need a shift in responsibility from the child to adults these settings, children are more likely to be removed in the home, community, school, or other institution. fr om family. For immigrants, deportation is a threat. The risks are far greater than for other families. Demonizing and Incarcerating the Abuser Society characterizes abusers as aberrant forces out- ■ Punishing the non-abusing parent. Non-abusing side of our social environment. The aggre s s i v e p a rents, typically the mother, have a difficult role, response is to put them in prison. It is the public’s especially in cases of incest. Society holds mothers misconception that they are imprisoned fore v e r, safe or female care-givers accountable for family life. f rom society and there f o re forgotten. Despite gro w- Mothers are often charged with neglect for “allow- ing recognition of the need for treatment pro g r a m s ing” their children to be abused. They are often and options, it is punitive laws and sentencing that caught in a “no-win” limbo, straddling the love, have been pursued with the most regularity and l o y a l t y, and dependency on their partners with the developed most extensively. But what happens if the love, loyalty, and responsibility to protect their people we are calling evil, sick, and depraved are our c h i l d ren. Often, the non-abusing parent is accused fathers, mothers, uncles, pastors, teachers, and others or blamed for being complicitous in the abuse. we love and respect? Incarceration does not mend a b roken family and it does not change behavior. ■ When the mother is abused. Negotiating the different Although opinions about incarceration of the abuser relationships with the abusive partner and the abused v a ry, participants at this roundtable agreed that it child is even more complicated when the mother or does not change the expansive landscape of child sex- caregiver is abused herself. The range of complicat- ual abuse. We need to develop a system of accounta- ing emotions—shame, secrec y , fear, sense of power- bility and new ways to change behavior.

9 ■ Keeps abusers underground. Abusers who may want to ■ Disincentive for families. Families concerned about seek help may stay underground for fear of being in c a r ceration are less likely to rep o r t abuse. Few family locked up, unworthy of treatment, or simply untrea t a b l e . members want their father, uncle, mother, or other relative sent to jail. The threat of incarceration serves ■ Oversimplifies a complex relationship. Demonizing as a deterrent to confronting the truth. More holistic the abuser does not recognize the complex relation- me a s u r es are needed to work with and treat the family. ship between abuser and survivor. Survivors often have mixed feelings and confusion about their Power abusers. Hate, love, anger, pity—survivors may feel Child sexual abuse is the result of a profound violation of many emotions. Many survivors may not initially po w e r . The abuser holds the power and the abused child experience abuse as “abuse.” is disempowered; the imbalance is what marks abuse. In fact, the imbalance of power is what abusers expect and ■ U n d e rmines abuse. Often abusers have been abused rely on. Power, among other things, is what the abuser themselves. Dismissing abusers as evil and sick fails is seeking. But what creates this dynamic? What makes to recognize and prevent subsequent effects. this hunger for power and the imbalance so enticing— Adolescent abusers who have themselves been how much is pathological and how much is based on social construction? And what “Sexual trauma is not always one of violence. Many happens in a society that co n t i n - times it's perceived by the survivor as loving or gentle. I ues to feed the importance and know a family where all four children were abused by the imbalance of power? same uncle. He was their father figure. He took care of each one of them. And he had sex with each one. We Abusers are products of our fami- could say that it's violence, but those kids would not report lies and our communities. It would be easy to dismiss a few their experience as violent.” James Cassese, Psychotherapist, Author people as aberrant forces, but abused need additional help as both victim and th e r e are many. As a society we are clearly creating the p e r p e t r a t o r, but often receive none. It also limits right kind of environment for abuse to occur. If we the knowledge to be gained from abusers, such we re n ’ t, would it be so pervasive? How, then, are we as when history of abuse leads to perpetration cr eating abuse? and when it does not. This country is no stranger to power imbalances. ■ Limited eff e c t . While it may hold abusers account- Though we have come far, we have yet to fully address able to society (not necessarily to the survivor), racism, homophobia, and sexism. These forces are i n c a rceration does not change the conditions deeply ingrained in our social psyches, our individual that create the abuse. Likewise, incarceration consciences. What is the relationship of these power without treatment does not stop the abuser from disparities to the sexual abuse of children? What part abusing again. Incarceration does not change does oppression play in the creation of this problem? the behavior; it may just put it on hold or exacer- As meeting participants demonstrated so persuasively, bate the behavior. these connections must be examined in a movement to prevent child sexual abuse. ■ Limited return . Despite the fact that incarceration is vigorously pursued, few abusers a re actually re p o rt - And then, how would we as a movement to end child ed, convicted or incarcerated. The majority of sexual abuse not recreate the same kind of oppression abusers are never identified and therefore never that we seek to unravel? How do we empower sur- treated or held accountable. vivors without disempowering their abusers, yet still

10 demand accountability and restitution? How do we ■ Challenging authority. To name child sexual abuse help abusers, because we know that disempowering is to challenge authority on a profound level. Girls abusers lays the groundwork for more abuse? How do are especially socialized to defer to authority while we empower communities around this issue who are boys are socialized to be authorities. Disclosing already disempowered in many other ways? In these abuse is difficult for each in his or her own way. questions and their debate is where our hopes for mov- ing forward lay. ■ Shift the power to children. Adults have more power than children. To appropriately shift and ■ Promoting authentic power. If all people in power acknowledge the rights of children would change understood and felt a sense of their own power, we this imbalance. might change the landscape of abuse. From the roles that we play as parents, caregivers, and guardians to ■ Lateral power. Power is not just hierarchical; it can the larger constructs of gender, ethnicity, and also be lateral. CSA also occurs among children of sexuality, we must understand the power we hold and the same age and gender—with some children hold- have a true sense of ourselves as individuals. ing more power according to the “group” with whom they associate. For example, the star athlete holds ■ Language is power. The power inherent in the power over the quiet smart kid. This kind of power relationship and the physical interaction involved in can be abused. Likewise, boys who are perceived to abuse is the ability to name the event. Language be less masculine are more likely to be targeted for holds great power. Often the abuser holds the abuse. All children must be taught to respect others power to name what happened because of the age and have compassion. of the abusedchild—to call the abuse love, a secret, or sex. This language creates the framework of ■ The power irony. Men, particularly white middle- understanding for the child. These definitions and upper-class men, are both given, and assumed have a lasting effect on how young survivors define to have, the most power. Yet men who abuse often or understand the abuse. rep o r t feelings of powerlessness and inadequacy. When they abuse, they are acting with power, but ■ Speaking is power. Those whose voices are heard they don’t necessarily see that they have the power. have power. Children’s voices are not heard or How men are socialized around power plays a questioned; survivor’s voices are not heard. In many significant role in CSA.

“Institutions are not talking about child rights, social ■ E x p o rting abuse. Men from justice or how the sexual abuse of children is connected the U.S. and European countries to other social issues. To truly impact child sexual are often the “clients” in an abuse, we need to address these inter connections, and under ground economy that incorporate offenders and silentby-standers in the preys on young children and women in developing countries. solution.” Staci Haines, Founder and Executive Director, Generation Five With an imbalanced economic communities, women are socialized to be quiet, to world order, few restrictions are in place to prevent not speak up, and their voices are not heard. The this form of abuse. squeaky wheel gets the grease: we give power to people who speak up. For an issue that experiences ■ Economic disempowerm e n t. Access to protection, such silence, for people who have been silenced, detection, and recovery services is not distributed breaking through to this understanding and refram- equally. Some children have more protection: ing what “speaking” means is essential. after-school care, better child care, and no languager

11 barrier. Children who are economically disempow- we seek a fuller understanding beyond what it means to ered and do not have access to these kinds of be male and female to reach what “human” looks like. protections are more likely to be put in circum- stances of abuse. Equal distribution of protective ■ Nar r o w , gendered “definitions.” When CSA is not being services would change this. sensationalized as “stranger danger,” it is largely defined as male to female abuse and stereotyped as ■ Structural power. There are different kinds of power, father to daughter incest. This is true even among some of which are active—the power you take or or ganizers, activists, advocates, and professionals in the earn—and some of which are inactive, based on what field. People think they “know” what to expect based community you were born in. While structural on gender and gender roles and theref o r e what to look power is not active, it exists. A priest in a church has out for. A mother, for example, will assume that because structural power, a gay father does not. People her child’s babysitter is a girl, nothing could be hap respond differently to structural power, and our pening, even in the face of contrary evidence. False ability to protect our children is affected greatly. definitions make for a false sense of security. While father to daughter incest and male to female abuse is a Gender significant aspect of child sexual abuse, a wide range of In understanding the challenges to preventing child other abuse occurs. The abuse of boys is especially sexual abuse, we need to more closely consider gen- un d e r- r ecognized, as is the abuse of children by women der and its role in creating, enabling, or re s p o n d i n g and other children. Narrow definitions of CSA hinder to abuse. For anyone closely involved with CSA, our ability to truly understand sexual violation in all t h e re is no question that gender impacts abuse and its of its complexity and to prevent it. outcomes. But there is no unanimous opinion about the degree to which the sexual abuse of children is ■ Fathers “teaching” daughters. In some communities, driven by gender or the ways it relates to other char- fathers view the abuse of their daughters not as acteristics of power—such as age, race, ethnicity, abuse, but rather as “teaching” them about sex and class, and sexual orientation. preparing them for their adult relationships.

Many will assert with confidence that CSA has its roo t s ■ Girls vs. boys. Meeting participants agree that in the power that men have over women, a deeply available statistics show that girls are abused more embedded response to patriarch y . Others discern that frequently than boys. However, most available power comes in many forms—people are empowered or research on child sexual abuse has centered on the di s e m p o w e r ed related to the “group” with which they abuse of girls. The research that exists on boys shows id e n t i f y , such as gender. One thing is clear: with CSA, that boys tend to report differently, more readily th e r e can be no assumptions or givens. The “analyses” choosing to deny their abuse or to act like they liked and designs that have fit other movements are not a it. This suggests that more boys are abused than we pe r fect fit for CSA. The steps we take to prevent it know. More research must be done to get an must be informed by what we know and what we have accurate picture of the abuse of boys. le a r ned in other movements. And, significantly, as we move through complicated and enlightened discussions ■ Abuse outside the box. For survivors with experi about the role of gender, we must not forget that our ences outside of the “expected” experience, under goal is to prevent all abuse for all children, whether standing, discussing, and coming to terms with the they are boys or girls, whether perpetrated by a man, abuse is much more difficult. A woman abused as a woman, or another child. Yet, this does not mean that child by another woman, for example, will be less we should move to a gender-neutral analysis. As we likely to understand the experience forwhat it was ex p l o r e the gendered nature of abuse and its dynamics, because it falls out of the “typical” experience.

12 ■ Heterosexist/homophobic assumptions. The existing on individual treatment for survivors, and even less assumptions and narrow definitions of CSA are so for abusers. Little is available for prevention- heterosexist and serve to further complicate and related activities and for non-service providers. As stigmatize same-sex abuse. For gay/lesbian adult well, because of the stigma and perceived hopelessness survivors, this is especially problematic. As the surrounding child sexual abuse, direct funding is controversy regarding Catholic priests abusing boys limited. Narrow funding guidelines make it difficult currently shows, the abuse of boys by men is often to include this topic in funding portfolios. framed as a homosexual issue, not one of abuse. While some abusers may be homosexual, the ■ Limited training and professional knowledge. Just as assumption that the abuse occurs because of that fails with the general population, professionals who may to understand the issues inherent in the abuse of be in a position to deal with or identify CSA may power. As well, for both gay men and lesbian lack understanding about its prevalence, related survivors, there is often an assumption that early issues, and how to handle situations where either abuse “caused” their sexuality—a heterosexist allegations or suspicions arise. Few academic institu- assumption that views homosexuality as aberrant. tions or curricula include sexual trauma coursework, even for professionals working directly with children. ■ Disrupting the foundation of our beliefs. People don’t Professionals who are not trained are less likely to want to acknowledge the abuse of boys because it speak out. Without knowledge, fear of ramifications would upset the way things are supposed to be. and liability become intensified. Where the abuse of girls is known and “accepted,” the abuse of boys would dismantle our assumptions ■ Missed symptoms. Because of a lack of training, med- of safety. If there is the possibility of abuse among ical institutions, schools, and other settings often do boys, our entire value system is called into question. not properly identify children presenting with signs and symptoms of sexual abuse. In addition, many pro ■ Where are the men? While there has been a signifi- fessionals may not choose to identify the problem with- cant lack of public dialogue around preventing CSA, out a prescribed course of action or solution to offer. even more marked is the lack of dialogue specifical- ly among men. As abusers, men choose to keep ■ Product of the environment. P rofessionals experience out of the conversations for fear of being caught. the same social responses—shock, denial, desire to As non-abusers, men choose to stay out of the mix maintain the status quo, inability to take action fearing they will be identified with abuse. In addi- based on one’s own history and the like—that exist tion, our society does not provide an adequate in the mainstre a m . role for men in the lives of children. Beyond the assumptions that men should provide monetary ■ Professional stigma. Some professionals fear the stigma s u p p o rt, our traditions seek to keep men away and emotional difficulty attached to CSA, making f rom children and the responsibility for their care. them less likely to pursue study of or disclose their pr ofessional involvement on this topic. Child sexual Professional Limitations abuse is not seen as a distinct field, even though many Social and cultural obstacles create limitations for indi- pr ofessionals work on related issues. There are few viduals and service providers who would otherwise seek linkages across fields, making it difficult to connect to prevent CSA. with others. Those who are working directly on child sexual abuse need more tools to advance their work. ■ Funding constraints. Most funding has been allocated for child protective services and legal systems. ■ Falling between the cracks. Child sexual abuse often Smaller amounts have gone towards a limited focus sits peripherally in many diffe r ent venues, but does not

13 sit neatly into any one area. Venues that deal with child ■ No community role. Despite the many service agencies abuse, domestic violence, or sexual assault all acknowl- that exist in communities across the country, the edge child sexual abuse as one piece of their work, but do family as a unit is not easy to access, and certainly not not explicitly or regularly incorporate it. While there was on this topic. In seeking solutions, we must forgo the no consensus as to whether child sexual abuse should tendency to rely primarily on professional responses be c o m e a separate “specialty,” roundtable participants and instead support community leaders who want to ag r eed that child sexual abuse often falls between the cracks. speak out and find solutions to CSA.

14 C R E ATING NEW PRACTICES: SHIFTING, RE-FOCUSING, AND MOVING FORWA R D

ince child sexual abuse is more widespre a d need to shift and re-focus our understanding of what than we think, there are countless individu- CSA is, how it is understood, and how society and the als, organizations, and institutions that are family perpetuate it. connected, or peripherally connected, with Sthe issue. Some are more focused on CSA than others Essential to shifting and re-thinking our notions of and use a wide array of approaches. The following is CSA are the ways that we address the diversity of expe- just a sample of the range of responses addre s s i n g rience and culture in our country. We have learne d child sexual abuse: fr om past movements that we cannot assume that the ■ Academic research ■ Offender treatment same perspective works for all communities. Too often, ■ Child abuse prevention programs and facilities the only perspective is that of a white, more privileged programs ■ Public health programs community—one that rep r esents only a slice of the full ■ Child welfare programs ■ Survivor organizations pi c t u r e. Children abused in this country are not mono- ■ Children’s health and and self-help groups lithic, nor are their abusers, families, and communities. medical projects ■ Psychotherapy The actions we take to address CSA in a Mexican- ■ Domestic violence and ■ Healing techniques American community in Texas will be diffe r ent than the family violence prog r a m s ■ Bodywork actions we take in an African-American community in ■ Prevention programs ■ Human rights and Chicago or within a white family living in Appalachia. ■ Federal, state and city social justice programs Yet, the basic tenets of CSA—the sexual abuse of chil- child protective services ■ School-based programs dr en by a person who has power over them—and our ■ Legal, criminal justice, ■ Parenting programs need to prevent it will be the same. Since the root of co r rec t i o n s , and law and organizations child sexual abuse is the abuse of power, other power enforcement policies ■ College campus dynamics such as race and class must be considered. ■ Mental health and social a c t i v i s m work programs ■ Media A br oad-based, national movement to prevent child sex- ual abuse must be multi-layered, multi-cultural and must Still, with all the work to confront child sexual abuse, in s p i r e effo r ts on many diffe r ent levels—from grassroo t s many activists and professionals feel that the ways we to legislative action. We have a long way to go before we think about CSA and the current systems to address it can even call it a movement. What follows in the next do not properly consider or offer ways to prevent it. several pages are some ideas generated at the meeting. New information has not led to new behaviors or While not fully developed, they provide a place to practices. To catalyze a prevention movement, we s t a rt thinking creatively about what might be possible.

15 Educating and Recognizing the “Sacredness of ■ Communal spirit. Community involvement is less Community, of Self, and of Children” about creating more punitive measures for abusers When we splinter into factions, when we divide over (like Megan’s Law) and more about strengthening power, we perpetuate abuse. By looking at our differ- the connections between people, breaking down the ences and acknowledging where we stand in relation to silence and secrecy that enables abuse and providing gender, race, culture, economic status, sexual orienta- more support and better communication for individ- tion, and all the ways that we are divided along power, uals and families who need help. We need to find we gain a more comprehensive understanding of the ways to leverage community empowerment rather effects of CSA and how to prevent it. And we come to than community destruction, and envision what com- understand that so long as our boys and girls are hurt- munity safe space would look like. ing, so long as our families and communities are abus- ing, we are equal in our denial. ■ Influencing relationships. Change can happen on an individual level by focusing on “intimate networks,” New visions for community and family response and the friends and confidantes who often know what is engagement are necessary to address child sexual occurring in the lives of family and friends. We need abuse. The vision must begin with community to provide tools for them to intervene proactively. strengths rather than deficits. A shift must occur in how families interact with, and within, the community ■ “Basic” education. To prevent it, we must know at large and vice versa. Education around CSA requires what it is. Education re q u i res laying a foundation much more than providing information. It involves to understand that sexual abuse goes beyond the modeling appropriate behavior and coming up with physical act. It is more than simply describing new language around sex and sexuality. It means “good and bad” touches. CSA is the result of many involving parents in open and honest discussions, and d i ff e rent factors and affects individuals on many engaging “intimate networks” to challenge and support d i ff e rent planes. Likewise, CSA is not just a old notions and create new ones. We also need systems physical experience between the abuser and abused; of responding once abuse occurs that do not simulta- t h e re are many rings of influence. To truly under neously destroy the family or community. stand CSA, the parameters and all the components that have enabled it to occur must “Sacredness of community, of self and of our children… be examined. This is true both this makes us equal. We all hurt [when] our boys within individual families and in and girls hurt.”Corrine Sanchez, CORE member, TEWA Women United society at larg e .

■ Community and culturally appropriate education. Ho w ■ Language to share and process experience. Better do different communities condone abuse through language that helps break through the dichotomy their traditions or practices? How are diff e rent between victim and survivor, language that offers a communities involved in the prevention of CSA? An spectrum of survival and healing terms, will help us examination of racism and the diff e rences among as a society first own the issue, then move toward socio-economic communities is critical. A new prevention. More venues for listening, for open vision for prevention means understanding the and honest dialogue on sex, sexuality, and sexual needs of diff e rent communities and creating cultur abuse are needed. ally relevant strategies. For example, while some immigrant communities may approach the topic of ■ Parenting education. Parents must be taught how to child sexual abuse indirectly so as to engage com- communicate body boundaries and positive sexuality munities without offending elders, this may not be in raising their children. They must be equipped t rue for others. with appropriate language to talk with their children

16 about sex and sexuality and be comfortable with cal, mental and spiritual boundaries of themselves and their children’s, as well as their own, sexuality. others. Parents also need to be taught these concepts. Simultaneously, parents and caregivers need opportunities to learn how to work through their ■ R e s i l i e n c e . Raising the credibility of survivor voices own histories of CSA. is a first step in recognizing, acknowledging, and offering the possibility of moving beyond surviving ■ Family structure. How can we take a closer look at to a place of “thriving.” roles within the family to build support for all family members individually and as a unit? Concepts worth ■ New roles for community. Building a sense of inter- exploring include models for child empowerment, connectedness, where what affects one affects all, ideas of children’s communities, child-centered where “bystanders” play an active role and enhance strategies, and voices for children without placing the adult responsibility to intervene creates new ways burden of responsibility on their shoulders. for community members actively engaging in and shaping the community. ■ Good touch, bad touch. Continued education with c h i l d ren around appropriate touching and bound- ■ Faith communities. For many, faith communities are aries is necessary, but this is only one aspect of an the first place they turn for help, yet they may not be overall education. The burden of prevention must responded to, or their trust may be violated. Faith- shift to adults. based institutions can help to address the crisis around child sexual abuse through updating their ■ Look at sexually reactive children and bullying. own policies, practices, and teachings. “Sexually reactive” children may provide an impor- tant link and insight to the prevention of CSA. These Accountability, Restitution, Reparation are children or adolescents who, at a very early age, Abusers must be held accountable for their actions and show signs of sexual play or manipulation that is not realistic options for treatment must be explored. We necessarily a product of typical development, but need ways that abusers can come forwa r d and seek help instead may be indicators of sexually explicit experi- without being dismissed as evil. Likewise, communities ences. Children who bully may provide a needed link and families must be both supported and involved with to understanding violence, manipulation, and intimi- the solution. dation. Many professionals believe that children who bully have been abused themselves. ■ Create more treatment options. Move beyond incarce r - ation as the only legal option. Shifting the focus means ■ Enhance sexual integrity. We are very limited in our considering all the options for working with abusers and ability to communicate healthy sexuality. We have not just funneling time and res o u r ces into incarce r a t i n g been so silent for so long that we have not created an without treating. Groups such as Stop It Now! are work- appropriate language or communication channels for in g to create a broader understanding and community children and youth to understand what is appropriate context for preventing child sexual abuse through the and what is not. To change this we must provide identification of and expansion of options for offenders. youth (and adults) with images and models of healthy sexuality and positive physical and sexual images for ■ Holistic approach. Create new ways of working with women and men that are not gender stereotyped. We the abuser within the family context. Current systems need to engender in youth an appreciation for and are not effective in trying to keep the family together healthy experience of their bodies: “I have a body and there are few models for working with the family and it is good.” Likewise, teach children/youth the as a whole that can keep children safe while simulta- fullest sense of “integrity,” or respect, for the physi- neously working to heal relationships. Groups such

17 as Generation Five are working with community sys- ■ Social ownership. For us as a society to make any head- tems to move toward such an integrated and holistic way on this problem, we must first take ownership of its ap p r oach, while trying to work on devising prev e n t i o n existence, and look more closely at how and where it strategies that involve all sectors of the community. happens. We must publicly acknowledge and name it wh e r ever and whenever we see it. We must begin to ■ Onus on the abuser. Put the onus of reparation and speak about it, process it, and invest in its elimination. restitution on the abuser, not the child survi v o r . For example, where currently children are often removed Creating a Movement fr om the household in an effo r t to protect them, instead Abuse does not occur in a vacuum. An effective move- remove the abuser. Work to reintegrate the child into ment to prevent CSA will recognize the inter-c o n n e c - family and school activities, rather than to isolate. tions with other forms of violence and oppres s i o n . Gr oups such as Justice for Children are working to Likewise, understanding the dynamics of power and its se c u r e the rights of children when abuse has occurred. influence in the lives of the abuser, the abused, and those ar ound them is critical to exploring “This is an issue in which as many stakeholders as ways to prevent CSA. Giving voice possible need to be at the table. This is a community and empowering both communities problem. And the only way to get a problem solved at and individuals serves to shift power the community level is to involve all the members of dynamics and the abuses that res u l t fr om unequal standing. the community.”Fran Henry, Founder and President, STOP IT NOW!

■ Hold institutions accountable. Institutions that condone ■ Social cost of CSA. CSA is not a phenomenon that abuse through silence or inappropriate policies must affects just individuals; it affects communities. also be held accountable. Mandated reporters such as The “cost” of CSA on public health is well known by doctors, social workers, school officials, and other pro practitioners, but is not well documented or under- fessionals are not uniform in their approach and may stood by society. Cost-benefit analyses are important inadvertently exacerbate the problem through their ways of capturing political attention and garnering interventions. For example, many institutions have much-needed resources. written policies on how to handle problems of child abuse as they are revealed, but these policies are not ■ Models. Public health and other models can con- necessarily utilized uniformly. In the process of tribute to a movement by developing and identifying making a report, reporters may alienate or lose risk factors, continuing research and looking at pre- contact with the family and lose the opportunity for vention in primary, secondary, and tertiary terms to effective intervention. assess risk and need.

■ Re s e a r c h . Abuse occurs along a continuum, making ■ Power Groups. Abuse occurs within the framework of some people and some communities more vulnerable “power groups” where the abused and the abuser are than others. What makes a child more vulnerable? defined according to their “membership” or identity What makes an abuser more likely to abuse? While in in these groups. CSA is not just about age or gender, recent years a fo rm i d a b l e amount of res e a rc h has but about power dynamics. Talking about CSA in em e r ged, more is needed. Research and dialogue with terms of oppression broadens the scope of the discus- abusers will enable a deeper understanding of what sion and reconfigures the definition of trauma. makes abusers “tick” and what enables abuse to happen. In addition, more research is needed to better ■ Connecting with other social movements. We have so understand effective treatment for survivors and much to learn from what other movements have better address prevention strate g i e s . already done. Opportunities to link with efforts such

18 as drunk driving, domestic violence, sexual assault, pa r tnerships with media based on a diffe r ent vision of gay and lesbian rights, human rights, children’s how we want to talk about CSA. Mainstream media rights, harm reduction, and violence prevention can outlets that can play a role in the process of creating help move the work to end child sexual abuse forwa r d. language and understanding about CSA can “norma l - ize” the issues and reach survivors and abusers in their ■ Many issues. Child sexual abuse is often one of many homes. Beyond public awareness, media as an outrea c h different issues that affect people’s lives. Poverty, tool can also help establish a course of action and racism, domestic violence, poor health—there are demonstrate what we can do about CSA. For example, many different concurrent issues people may be highlighting success stories in the media can teach new dealing with. A movement to prevent CSA must models of dealing with CSA. recognize this and deal with the multiplicity of con- cerns for individuals and communities and seek all ■ System reconstruction. Systems need to be integrated opportunities to work across issues. and consistent in their approach to supporting families across disciplines. Child welfare and other ■ Change on a local level. Individual communities must systems can be re-conceptualized to add value rather establish solutions that include mechanisms for account than add further burden on families who are con- ability. National work, be it policy or education, fronted with CSA. A dramatic shift in perspectives should draw its strength from activities that connect and designs is required to build systems that offer on a community level and reflect local implications. true resources to families.

■ R e s o u r c e s . Funding allocation must be re-examined. ■ Personal and public traumatic response. Because More diverse sources of funding need to be allocated CSA is a very specific type of trauma, leaders must to create a new format for addressing prevention work. be trained and educated on the traumatic response they are likely to get when talking “As leaders, we must be willing to work through places about it publicly. This is part of the in ourselves that are barriers to fully being ourselves. work. Communities need room If we do not rid ourselves of disappointment, hurt, to hear, react, deny, and come back. despair, mistrust, our ability to create new ways of Those taking the lead in speaking thinking and leading will be limited. If we continue to out must consistently engage communities to reflect on their own lead without freeing us from our past hurts, we will responses. Likewise, organizers must continue to perpetuate the unjust systems that we are be prepared for and supported in seeking to eliminate.”Lillie Allen, Executive Director, Be Present Inc. their own responses.

■ S u p p o rting individual movement. People must move ■ C r e a t i v i t y. Any process that seeks to create a through the myriad of emotional experiences and movement must allow its organizers to be creative ba r riers in their own lives to come to terms with abuse. and open. Importantly, they must not be stuck in Likewise, a national movement needs to support survi v o r s their own traumatic responses. They must draw upon and people working on their own issues without subju- them for knowledge and even strength, and move gating their experience or attempting to define it for them. past them into creativity.

■ Use social marketing and mainstream media. Media ■ M o v e m e n t. We must be comfortable with the plays an important role and has tremendous power unknown. Allowing the work to flow and resisting to give real information and to change the way we the need to exert too much control will ensure that approach the topic. We need to develop creative the movement actually moves.

19 You are a marv e l .

Each second we live is a new and unique moment of

The universe, a moment that will never be again…

And what do we teach our children?

We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris

Is the capital of France? When will we also teach them what they are?

We should say to each of them:

Do you know who you are? You are a marvel.

You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been

Another child like you. Your legs, your arm s ,

Your clever fingers, the way you move.

You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven.

You have the capacity for anything.

Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then

H a rm another who is, like you, a marvel?

You must work – we must all work – to make the world

Wo rthy of its children.

-PABLO CASALS (1876-1973)- A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S

The Ms. Foundation for Women contributing their perspectives ■ MaryKay Penn for helping to would like to thank the donors toward this document; plan and facilitate the meeting. to the Safety Program. It is their courage, vision, and commitment ■ Lillie Allen; Gail Burns-Smith; About the Author to creating a world where women James Cassese; Robert Falconer; Gillian Murphy, MPH, is a and girls are free from violence Valerie Heller; Eileen King for writer and public health consult- that makes this work possible. being interviewed; ant. She has worked with wide We would also like to express variety of non-profit agencies, our appreciation to: ■ Ms. Foundation staff Pat Eng foundations, and media outlets and Margaret Hempel for work- covering numerous social justice ■ Staci Haines, Fran Henry, Sara ing with the author on this and health-related concerns. She Kershnar and Alisa Klein for paper; Sara K. Gould and Judy lives with her partner and son in helping to plan the meeting and Evans for editing and prod u c t i o n . B rooklyn, New Yo r k .

21 R O U N D TABLE PA RT I C I PA N T S

■ Lillie Allen, Be Present ■ Charles Flinton, Social ■ Anne Lee, From Darkness ■ Candyce Brokaw, Habilitation and Relapse to Light Survivors Art Foundation Prevention Program ■ Melina O’Grady, ■ Angela Browne, ■ Martha Garcia, Bay Area Teen Voices Harvard School of Public Health Committee for Hispanic ■ Mercedes Roman, ■ Thelma Burgonia-Watson, Children & Families Maryknoll Office for Center for the Prevention of ■ Fran Gau, New York Asian Global Concerns Sexual & Domestic Violence Wom e n ’ s Center ■ Emily Samuelson, ■ Gail Burns-Smith, ■ Staci Haines, Generation Five Soaring Project National Alliance to End ■ Fran Henry, Stop It Now! ■ Corrine Sanchez, Sexual Violence ■ Liz Hodges, Family Place Tewa Women United ■ James Cassese, ■ Sujatha Jesudason, ■ Allan Silva, author, Gay Men & Childhood Transforming Communities Men Overcoming Violence Sexual Trauma: Integrating the ■ Sara Kershnar, Generation Five ■ Robin Stone, Shattered Self ■ Eileen King, Justice for Children former editor, Essence ■ Lisa Aronson Fontes, ■ Alisa Klein, Stop It Now! ■ Nancy Whittier, Springfield College Smith College

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