“A GIRL CHILD AIN’T SAFE IN A FAMILY OF MEN”: BREAKING THE SECRECY BETWEEN AFRICAN-AMERICAN MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS ABOUT FAMILIAL CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE _______________ A Thesis Presented to the Faculty of San Diego State University _______________ In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Master of Arts in Communication _______________ by Jacqueline LaReux Summer 2015 iii Copyright © 2015 by Jacqueline LaReux All Rights Reserved iv DEDICATION I dedicate these pages to my father, my mother, my siblings, my framily,(friends that are like family), and most of all, my daughter. I thank the women who have entrusted me with their truth, pain, sorrow, and new found light. I will forever be grateful to each and every one of you. These pages are also for all the “Jacquelines” out there whose voices are still silenced. I pray you will find you voice and speak, yell, or SCREAM your truth. May your voices never be silenced again. v Nothing ever gets healed if you keep it covered up -Tyler Perry I can do bad all by myself vi ABSTRACT OF THE THESIS “A Girl Child Ain’t Safe in a Family of Men”: Breaking the Secrecy Between African-American Mothers and Daughters about Familial Childhood Sexual Abuse by Jacqueline LaReux Master of Arts in Communication San Diego State University, 2015 Keeping the secret of childhood sexual abuse creates unbelievable pressure for the carrier of that secret. Childhood sexual abuse is the sexual mistreatment of any child under the age of 18. It is a phenomenon shrouded in secrecy that affects children of every race, sex, culture, and ethnic group. Abuse suffered during childhood or adolescence breeds shame, distrust, and most of all secrecy. Children who have been abused may hold onto their secrets for months or even years. Unfortunately, cultural norms may also hinder the child from sharing their secret. As is the case in the African-American generational culture of secrecy, African-American mothers teach their children, especially their daughters, at very young age, not to relay information to anyone outside of their home, perpetuating the culture of “keeping your business out of the street.” This generational culture of secrecy comes at a very high cost to the child, breeding a future of long-term mental and emotional scars that follow them well into adulthood. This research is a qualitative study using an autoethnographic approach in order to investigate the communicative breaks in the relationships between African-American mothers and daughters who have survived childhood sexual abuse. I interviewed women from my immediate family and close friends concerning their experiences with familial childhood sexual abuse and the lack of communication they had with their mothers. The aim of this study is to understand what communicative elements hinder disclosure between African-American mothers and daughters. vii TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGE ABSTRACT ............................................................................................................................. vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS .......................................................................................................x CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION .........................................................................................................1 Addressing a Phenomenon: The Prevalence of Childhood Sexual Abuse ..............8 The Forms of Childhood Sexual Abuse ...................................................................9 The Perpetrators of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Dispelling the Myth of “Stranger Danger” ..................................................................................................10 The Initiation and Perpetuation of Childhood Sexual Abuse ................................11 The History of Secrecy in the African-American Community: Containing Family Secrets ........................................................................................................12 “I couldn’t Talk about Anything Sexual with My Mother”: The Culture of Missed-Education of Sexual Education .................................................................14 “Keeping Your Business out of the Street”: How Silence Can Be a Form of Familial Protection ............................................................................................17 “And the Church Said Amen”: The Role the African-American Church Plays in Perpetuating the Silence of Abuse ...........................................................18 “I Don’t Want Mama to be Mad”: A Child’s Fear of Maternal Relational Loss ........................................................................................................................19 “Don’t You Believe Me Mama?”: The Effects of Non-Maternal Support ...........21 “She Knew Immediately”: The Importance of Maternal Support .........................25 “The Taboo against Talking about Incest Is a Strong One”: Efforts to Curtail Childhood Sexual Abuse by Creating the Survivors Voice through Narrative ................................................................................................................26 2 PIECES OF A STAINED GLASS WINDOW: COMBINING METHODOLOGY AND REFLEXIVITY ..................................................................31 Uplifting Their Voices: Data Collection and Field Notes .....................................40 Interviews .........................................................................................................40 viii Narrative Lens ..................................................................................................41 Field Notes .............................................................................................................42 No Longer a Secret: Sharing My Story through Reflexivity .................................43 3 GLASS MENAGERIE: THE BROKEN FACETS OF SILENCE..............................47 Episode #1: Tears of a 5-year Old Statue ..............................................................48 “I’m Going to Show You How to Love Me How I Like It”: The Complex Facets of Silencing and Secrecy ............................................................................53 Performative Engagement ................................................................................54 Self-Silencing ...................................................................................................55 Familial Collaboration .....................................................................................55 Physical and Verbal Threats ............................................................................56 Nonverbal Validation .......................................................................................56 “He Bought Her a Camaro Too”: Performative Engagement ................................57 “I Just Remember My Mom not Believing It, not Saying Like, ‘Oh I Don’t Believe You”: Familial Collaboration ...................................................................59 “I'm Pretty Sure that She Was Crying and Was Visibly Distraught”: Nonverbal Validation .............................................................................................62 “I Just Keep it to Myself . Because You Can't Go Back. No Matter What They Do, That Innocence Is Never Going to Be Returned”: Self- Silencing of Body and Voice..................................................................................63 Episode #2: Another Hard Lesson of Concrete and Marble..................................63 “She Told Me that I Had to Listen to Her or She Would Tell My Parents I Didn’t Mind Her”: Verbal and Physical Threats ...................................................68 Episode #3: Game Night ........................................................................................68 “I Remember Him Saying I Was Pretty”: Compliments as a Means of Gaining Compliance ..............................................................................................71 Episode #4: A Pretty Lil’ Statue ............................................................................71 Summary ................................................................................................................74 4 HEALING: PUTTING THE FRAGMENTED PIECES OF COMMUNICATION BACK TOGETHER AGAIN ..................................................75 Introduction ............................................................................................................75 Summary of Thesis Results ...................................................................................79 Conclusions ............................................................................................................82 Theoretical Implications ........................................................................................87 ix Practical Implications.............................................................................................91 Methodological Implications .................................................................................92 Limitations and Directions for Future Research ....................................................93 Concluding Thoughts .............................................................................................95 REFERENCES ......................................................................................................................107 APPENDIX INTERVIEW GUIDE ......................................................................................................117 x ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This is the tricky part. It reminds me of