Let’s get a little bit rowdy.

www.phillipian.net Veritas Super Omnia

Vol. CXXXVI, No. 22 November 8, 2013 Phillips Academy SEX ED New Wellness PROGRAM Center BEING Named for RE-EVALUATED Sykes By RANI IYER STAFF REPORT Twenty-eight percent of Andover students have Head of School John had sex, 42 percent have Palfrey announced last Fri- engaged in oral sex and 20 day that the new wellness percent are in committed center will be named after relationships, according Becky Sykes, former Asso- to the The Phillipian’s 2013 ciate Head of School. State of the Academy sur- The Board of Trustees vey. Despite metrics that unanimously voted in sup- indicate a high number of port of the building dedi- students who are sexually cation on Friday morning. active, no more than seven Palfrey announced the hours of a student’s Ando- naming of the Rebecca M. ver career is dedicated to Sykes Health and Wellness sex education. Center at the Trustee, Fac- Although no concrete ulty and Alumni Council plans have been made Dinner to a standing ova- for a full sex education tion. course, Andover’s Sex Ed- “I was shocked and ucation working group—a immediately dissolved in group of faculty created tears. My husband and last spring to discuss po- EKAUFMANN-LADUC/ THE PHILLIPIAN Mrs. Chase had to remind tential changes to the sex Ben Andresen ’17 flaunts his Andover spirit on Exeter Geek Day. me to breathe. The an- education curriculum at nouncement was totally Andover—is currently unexpected and beyond evaluating and crowd- my wildest dreams,” wrote sourcing improvements Sykes in an email to The to Andover’s sex ed pro- Trustees Engage Students and Alumni for Strategic Plan Input Phillipian. gram. Construction of the Andover students who versation with students ning process was the focus formation,” said Corinne wellness center, intended enter as Juniors or Lowers By ERICA SHIN and alumni. of several presentations Field ’83, three-year to promote both emotional receive sex education in “This past weekend and meetings during the alumni trustee and Stra- and physical health educa- one class of Physical Edu- School governing bod- was one of the most jam- weekend, including a joint tegic Planning Committee tion, will begin in Septem- cation (PE), three Lower ies congregated on campus packed ever in terms of session of the Board of member. ber 2014 and is expected to Personal and Community this weekend for the Fall events, meetings, recep- Trustees and the Andover “We’re really asking finish by December 2015. Education (PACE) classes, Trustees’ Weekend. tions and more casual op- Development Board. you where you would like It will be located on Sa- Biology classes and dorm The Board of Trust- portunities to engage with “[Strategic Planning] to see this school in three lem Street between Benner meetings about room vis- ees, the Alumni Council, students, faculty and fel- is a very transparent and or five years,” she contin- House and Bulfinch Hall. its, according to Dr. Amy the Andover Development low alumni,” said Tracy collaborative process, and ued. Sykes, who received Patel, Medical Director of Board (ADB) and the An- Sweet, Director of Acad- what we really need right Isham Health Center and nual Giving Board (AGB) emy Communications, in now is for students in par- member of the Sex Educa- each convened individu- an email to The Phillipian. ticular to take very seri- Continued on A6, Column 1 Continued on A6, Column 4 tion working group. ally throughout the week- The Strategic Plan- ously the request for in- Students who enter end to explore the develop- as new Uppers, Seniors ment of the new Strategic Plan, discuss the construc- ADAPTING TO DIVERSITY WITHIN DIVERSITY: tion of the Rebecca M. Continued on A6, Column 1 Sykes Health and Wellness Center and engage in con- CAMD Meets Needs of Changing Student Demographics which has nearly doubled By RYAN BRIGDEN & from 14 percent in 1992 to 8 Schools to Share Online Arabic KAILASH SUNDARAM 27 percent in 2013, accord- ing to Aya Murata, Advisor to Fifteen minutes after Asian Society and Asian and And Water Resources Courses the Asian Society meeting Asian American students. started, the chairs that lined When there were a fewer Paul’s School, Lawrencev- the table in Ada’s Room of number of Asian students, By THOMAS CHOI ille, Choate, Deerfield Paresky Commons remain students of Asian heritage and Hotchkiss, met in the unfilled. The few occupied felt that Asian Society was As part of the Eight spring of 2013 to discuss seats belong to the six board the next best thing to clubs Schools Association’s the needs of its member members, who cast periodic of specific Asian sub-groups (ESA) initiative to create schools. At the end of these glances at the door. that they might better iden- shared courses, Andover meetings, the schools de- Despite much publicity— tify with, according to Mu- A s i a n hopes to offer its students cided to address their posters, emails and word-of- rata. However, as the sub- Society’s inability online classes in Arabic dearth of uncommon lan- mouth—Asian Society has demographics within the to identify the “needs and and Global Water Resourc- guages and their desire to seen a steep decline in atten- Asian student population interests” of the growing es during the 2014-2015 incorporate travel in the dance over the past decade. has grown, their needs have Asian and Asian Ameri- school year. curriculum. This decline comes in varied. can demographic reflects The ESA, which in- Two students from the face of an increase in “When you are talking a growing problem that cludes representatives the number of students that about 27 percent of students the Community and Mul- from Andover, Phillips Ex- identify as Asian, Asian- identifying as Asian, Asian range in what the needs and eter Academy, North- Continued on A4, Column 4 American or mixed- American and mixed heri- interests of these students Continued on A4, Column 4 field Mount Hermon, St. heritage of Asian descent, tage Asian, there is a huge are going to be,” said Murata. Andover Alumni Council Honors Distinguished Graduates

Hafsat Abiola ’92, George nal list of recipients. Thus Church ’72 and Frank Stella the award is “by alumni, for Hafsat George Frank ’54 received the Alumni alumni,” as school admin- Award of Distinction at a istrators play no role on the Abiola ’92 Church ’72 Stella ’54 ceremony last Friday. alumni-only selection com- The award “recognizes mittee, said Jennifer Savino, By STEPHEN By MADELEINE By JANINE KO and honors alumni/ae of Director of External Rela- MORELAND MAYHEW Phillips Academy or Abbot tions. Academy who have served Several years ago, Mi- Hafsat Abiola ’92 will Remembering the late On Friday afternoon, with distinction in their chael Schmertzler ’70 and not shake hands—she will nights spent in the Evans Frank Stella ’54 watched the fields of endeavor,” read the Al Blum ’62 came up with hug. She will not answer science labs attempting to school pass him by from a award’s statement of pur- the idea for the award after her phone or check an email increase the size of venus fly- metal wicker chair outside Special pose. seeing an “opportunity to during conversation—with traps, George Church ‘72 at- the Andover Inn. By the look The award serves as an look at the greater Andover eager ears, she will lis- tributes much of his scientific of the half-finished cigar he invitation to the alumni re- family and to celebrate some ten. Hafsat Abiola will not success to his time at Andover. held in his left hand, he had The Exonian cipients to return to campus of the alumni and what they mourn; she will share, she Church is an influential been watching for a while. not only for the ceremony, are doing in their profes- will inspire. professor at Harvard Medical The earthy smell clung to his but also to interact with sional lives,” said Savino. Abiola’s visit to cam- School professor as well as an words even after the cigar’s Pullout students. Abiola spoke at Savino believes that one pus last Wednesday was interdisciplinary scientist in smoke had dissipated. All-School Meeting last of the most important as- twofold—she was this the fields of biology, chemis- Stella is a leading abstract Wednesday and also visited pects of the award is the year’s Finis Origine Pendet try and mathematics. He is a artist. His Wikipedia page See B1-B8 numerous classes during invitation for the alumni to speaker and also a recipi- recipient of this year’s Ando- will tell you that he is one her stay. Stella taught a mas- return to campus not only to ent of the Alumni Award ver Alumni Award of Distinc- of the “most well-regarded ter class for art students on receive the award but also to of Distinction for her work tion. postwar American painters Friday. interact with the students. as a world-recognized civil Church is most commonly still working today,” that his Selection for the award “It was a very important rights activist known for his co-discovery work in abstract expression- begins with a nomination part when they constructed Abiola founded the of the first instrument for ism and modernism is pio- open to all alumni. Sev- and designed the award, Kudirat Initiative for De- reading and writing DNA se- neering, that he was awarded eral dozen nominees will and it is definitely the most mocracy (KIND) to contin- quences. Church also helped a National Medal of the Arts pass through to the second special part for the recipi- ue the fight for democracy to initiate the Human Ge- by President Barack Obama in round of voting, after which ents of the award.” said Sa- in Nigeria. Very quickly, nome Project, an “interna- 2009. The San Francisco Mu- the Alumni Award of Dis- vino. however, KIND narrowed tional, collaborative research seum of Modern Art names tinction Committee, an ad- its focus to empower wom- program whose goal was the him as the source behind the hoc committee consisting of Bennett Michaels con- Alumni Council members, tributed reporting. Continued on A5, Column 1 Continued on A5, Column 2 Continued on A4, Column 1 convenes to produce the fi-

Inside News/A4-A6 Arts/A7 Sports/A8 Features/B1-B8 Stay Connected Like us on Facebook! The Phillipian Dr. Richard Andover/Exeter facebook.com/ Keller, former weekend: previews thephillipian Commentary/ A2-A3 Isham Medical of the upcoming Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/phillipian Avery Jonas discusses Director, games. pleads guilty to online monitoring of stu- Visit The Phillipian dent activity. posessing and Online http:// receiving child E . KAUFMANNLADUC/THE PHILLIPIAN phillipian.net Editorial/ A2 pornography. The Exonian comes to Andover, E-mail phillipian@phillipian. Indo Pak presents courtesy of Features. net for subscription and “An Experiment” Diwali & Eid al- advertising requests or subscribe online at Adha. L.LUO/ THE PHILLIPIAN phillipian.net/subscribe A2 | COMMENTARY The Phillipian November 8, 2013

Volume CXXXVI NUMBER 22 Spies Without Borders Stephen T. Moreland IV al security, the NSA’s actions within its borders at their own Editor in Chief Marcello Rossi have violated international discretion and only with the trust. approval of the United States Janine D. Ko diplomatic Out of the nations affected, Supreme Court. Such a system Executive Editor only Germany and Brazil have is already modelled by the Eu- Anika Y. Kim Sophia C. J. Lloyd-Thomas n April 2012, a National filed complaints with the Unit- ropean Union, where local ju- Anika Y. Kim Sophia C. J. Lloyd-Thomas Managing Editor Managing Editor Security Administration ed Nations General Assembly diciary courts must approve Managing Editor Managing Editor I(NSA) employee, Edward in response to the NSA’s ac- espionage agendas before they Snowden, revealed the some of tions, according to a Novem- can be executed. In terms of News Features Director of the agency’s covert activities to ber 7 “ABC News” article. On international spying, the NSA Sydney Adams JakeFea Marrustures News DirectorOperations of the American public through a November 1, the two countries ought to have its activities rati- Emma Mehlman Sydney Adams RemingtonJake Marrus Remmel RomeOperations Arnold June 6 article in “The Guard- presented a draft resolution fied by European Union courts EmmaAndrew Mehlman Yang DirectorRemington of Production Remmel RomeOperations Arnold ian.” In August, renewed inves- that called for greater protec- before carrying them out in Eu- CommenAndrew Yangtary tigation revealed extensive spy- tion of privacy rights through ropean nations. DirectorZoe Gallagherof Production OperationsGrant Bitler CommenKatia Lezinetary Marjorie Kozloff ing by the NSA on the European mitigation of excessive govern- As a European, I feel that I Joey Salvo ZoeHead Gallagher of Grant Bitler Union, United Nations and na- am personally affected by this Katia Lezine Kenta Nomoto Photography Marjorie Kozloff tions allied with the United issue. The acts of spying per- ArtsJoey and Salvo Leisure Head of Alex Sweeting Scott Diekema Kenta Nomoto States. These investigations formed by the United States im- Stephanie Hendarta Photography have since continued, with new ply that America does not trust Arts and Leisure AlexOnline Sweeting Jenna Shin Photography Logan Blaine articles, information and po- The United States Europe as an ally. This is both Stephanie Hendarta Scott Diekema Sports Emmie Avvakumova GregoryOnline Hosono litical analyses being published offensive and worrisome to Eu- TaylorJenna ShinChin PhotographyCopy Logan Blaine every day. The agency has been should not spy on ropeans because we see Ameri- Cartooning James Judelson EmmieNatalie Avvakumova Kim Gregory Hosono spying on millions of European ca as a crucial ally in our efforts Sports Sierra Jamir citizens and government offi- the United Nations, to thrive in an uber-competitive MichaelTaylor Chin Kim JamesCop Robertsony Luke Stidham Cartooning cials, tapping the phone lines economic world. With the rise James Judelson Natalie Kim of German Chancellor Angela the European Union of a global economy, it is imper- Sierra Jamir Michael Kim James Robertson Merkel and, more recently, or any individual, ative that the United States and AssociateLuke Board Stidham CXXXVI French President François Hol- Europe work together remain lande, as reported in an article without legitimate, economically successful and News Sports Copy published in “The Chicago Tri- maintain dominant geopolitical Phoebe Gould Jamie Chen Ryan Brigden Lincoln Herrington bune” this past month. transparent rationale. influence. Such relations, how- Rani Iyer Patrick Daly Associate Board CXXXVI Justine Wang EJ Kim Kailash Sundaram The NSA’s actions have con- ever, require trust between the ChristopherNews Li AndrewSports Zheng OnlineCopy stituted a serious breach of in- two parties. Ellie Blum MadeleinePhoebe GouldMayhew JamieFeatures Chen Ryan Brigden ternational trust. To say that When the United States re- LincolnAlexander Herrington Jiang CommentaryRani Iyer PatrickRob Irvin Daly the United States should not fuses to conduct its interactions JustineOperations Wang LilyEJ Grossbard Kim KailashEllie SundaramSimon spy on its allies does not go far ment electronic surveillance. with allied nations in a courte- Meera Patel Conner Cameron Christopher Li Photography NolanOnline Crawford Grace Tully Andrew Zheng enough. These actions violate While an effective and neces- ous and transparent manner, Alex Westfall Ellie Blum Madeleine Mayhew Features Jack Lane international law. The United sary first step, demanding a countries like Germany are Arts and Leisure Lucius Xuan EdenAlexander Livingston Jiang CommentaryPeyton Alie Rob Irvin States should not spy on the greater protection of privacy forced to react in opposition to Layout & Design CartooningOperations CharlotteLily Grossbard Berry Ellie Simon United Nations, the European rights is not sufficient enough American policies. I fear that Meera Patel Noah Hornik ConnerViviane Cameron Garth Victoria Skrivanos PhotographyTom Johst Nolan Crawford Union or any individual, with- to ensure the complete protec- the potential deterioration of Grace Tully Katie Weaver Alex Westfall Jack Lane out legitimate, transparent ra- tion of citizens’ privacies. European Union-United States Arts and Leisure Lucius Xuan Eden Livingston tionale. To do so is to violate While the United States’s relations could affect my life in Peyton Alie Layout & Design Cartooning the essential human right to motives to defend itself against the future. Charlotte Berry Noah Hornik Viviane Garth privacy and infringe upon the international terrorism are le- Victoria Skrivianos Tom Johst Katie Weaver basic freedoms of the world’s gitimate, its activities should Marcello Rossi is a two-year An Experiment citizens. In the name of nation- only be allowed to continue Lower from Brussels, Belgium. On Tuesday morning, students launched into the Strategic Planning process through an online forum called Stormboard. Al- though the site experienced technical difficulties, we should not let these inconveniences distract from the significance of the Strategic Planning effort. The Strategic Plan is incredibly important; the conclu- sions of this discussion will guide Andover policy decisions for years to come. In light of this conversation, we believe the 2014 Strategic Plan must shift our focus to encourage experiential learning that will expand students’ visions beyond the bounds of their textbooks and borders of this campus. Experiential learning is “learning by doing.” In practice, this means teaching application in addition to theory. Instead of reading about urban development in a textbook, experiential learning means traveling to see these issues firsthand—such as in Kunming with the BASK in ASK program or in Mumbai with Niswarth. Instead of study- ing the causes and effects of water pollution, it means collecting local water samples from Rabbit Pond, running tests and crafting and ex- ecuting immediate solutions. Learning to find the inertia of a mass in physics class is important; equally necessary is learning how to apply this knowledge practically, with “non sibi” always in mind. Awareness of the tangible, ethical uses of what we are studying makes learning even more gratifying and important. In building experiential learning into the core of the curricu- lum, the lack of time and energy are, as always, the most critical barri- ers that the Strategic Plan must resolve. First, developing and giving priority to experiential, hands on learning takes hours, days and weeks that we don’t have. Stretched e. figliomeni and s. jamir/the phillipian over ten weeks a term, courses already feel crammed. The depth that experiential learning requires demands that we sacrifice parts of our schedules or academic calendar to craft meaningful experiences. We propose the introduction of a modular term between the end of Unmasking Stereotypes Thanksgiving Vacation and the beginning of Winter Break, where a gap naturally falls with the newly modified calendar. These two weeks race-driven jokes, we are ste- casian” nor “Asian American” would allow students to pursue alternative interests in a focused, Alessa Cross reotyping, even though we seemed entirely true, while structured setting without sacrificing the rigor of yearlong courses. may not be aware of the conse- “Other” seemed impersonal Second, Andover students already face a heavy workload of outside the box quences behind our words. and broad. This experience which academics only play a small part. Students juggle sports prac- Respect is fundamental to demonstrated to me, in some ast weekend, students fighting stereotypes and creat- small part, the limits that ra- tices, extracurricular activities and family commitments in addition had fun dressing up for ing a safe environment for all cial categorization can impose to homework. While experiential learning at Andover should remain Lthe Halloween dance. in our diverse Andover com- upon individual identity and rigorous, it is important to balance this rigor with a watchful eye on Halloween is that single day munity. It may seem cliché, but made me realize that the ste- students’ well-being. Expanding the peer tutoring program to offer of the year when we are very respect for the identity of oth- reotypes which emerge from standard tutors for more advanced math and science courses to au- much encouraged to be some- ers—in race, culture, religion such categorization, when tomatically reach out to all students, not just those flagged as “strug- thing we are not. Many cos- and sexuality—is something that we often fail to express. gling,” will help students excel. We need to reconsider our daily sched- Only when we begin to respect ules—the need for seven periods each day, the importance of playing a and seek to learn more from Ethnic and cultural sport, the role of extracurriculars—and concentrate on the items that each other, rather than judging identity are valuable matter most to us. Dressing up as and generalizing, will we begin Ultimately, the Strategic Planning process is one of determin- to make progress. aspects of who we ing priorities. Experiential learning, we believe, is important, but a dy- something we’re not We must also acknowledge namic dialogue between students and faculty is imperative to craft the that stereotypes exist. We can are as human beings, has the potential only tackle these issues related next step. to culture and identity when but when we do not This editorial represents the views of The Phillipian Editorial to promote the we face them head on, as dis- demonstrate proper Board CXXXVI. stereotyping and regarding them leaves students ignorant of their underlying respect for the history Correction: generalization of sources. I believe the entire A News article last week misstated the source of funding for Andover community would of others, we sacrifice races and cultures at benefit from an extensive dis- PLACES, a summer opportunity program in Brazil. New funding cussion of race and the roots of our ability to fully from the Andover Institute will likely sustain the program in the Andover. such stereotypes. Stereotypes future. often have a drop of truth to understand our peers. them, and turning a blind eye The Phillipian regrets the error. to this truth is unrealistic. At the same time, however, we tumes, however, have the po- cannot let stereotypes or gen- perpetuated through our jokes tential to raise controversy eralizations cloud our view of and costumes, implement a over their portrayal of certain individuals. culture in which racial insen- racial groups, or individuals. As the multiracial daughter sitivity is considered common For example, while looking for of an Australian father and a and acceptable. my own costume this year, I At Andover, we need to talk came across outfits that adver- about the nuances of race rath- tised themselves as “sexy gei- er than overlook, underplay sha,” “sexy Indian” and even and trivialize them. Ethnic “Osama Bin Laden” costumes. and cultural identity are valu- There is a thin line between I believe the entire able aspects of who we are as whether a costume is funny or human beings, but when we politically incorrect and offen- Andover community do not demonstrate proper re- sive. spect for the history of others, The Phillipian welcomes all letters to the Editor. We try to print Dressing up as something would benefit from an we sacrifice our ability to fully all letters, but because of space limitations, we enforce a 400 word we’re not has the potential to understand our peers. So long limit. W reserve the right to edit all submitted letters to conform with promote the stereotyping and extensive discussion as insensitive stereotypes are print restraints and proper syntax. We will not publish any anony- generalization of races and of race and the roots tolerated, they retain the abil- mous letters. Please submit letters by the Monday of each week to cultures at Andover. If what ity to influence our impression we are dressing up as on Hal- of such stereotypes. of our peers, and this is fun- [email protected] or to our newsroom in the basement of Morse loween is a mocking caricature damentally wrong. Our public Hall. of a race or culture, then we are perception should be defined To subscribe, email [email protected], or write to very much guilty of misrepre- by our actions, convictions and The Phillipian, 180 Main Street, Andover, MA, 01810. senting and stereotyping that achievements—not where the All contents of The Phillipian copyright © 2013, The Trustees of race or culture. This attitude tip of our pencil lands when does not surface only when we Japanese mother, I was uncer- we fill in an SAT box. Phillips Academy, Inc. Reproduction of any material herein without choose Halloween costumes. tain about which “Race” box I the expressed written consent of The Trustees of Phillips Academy, It is something that we do ev- should fill in while taking the Alessa Cross is a two-year Low- Inc. and the Editorial Board of The Phillipian is strictly prohibited. eryday. When we make casual, PSATs this fall. Neither “Cau- er from Tokyo, Japan. November 8, 2013 The Phillipian COMMENTARY | A3 Staying in Line, Online

stances of bullying arise. A Avery Jonas student being bullied needs support. Thus the nature of monitored student Internet communi- cation is a bit of a catch-22. n response to online Schools cannot help when bullying and general inter- they are not informed. Inet safety concerns, some A proposed solution to this schools are considering the im- paradox is technology that plementation of Internet surveil- searches student content lance of students. An October 28 for disturbing information. “New York Times” article enti- Schools would only be able tled “Warily, Schools Watch Stu- to access this content if the dents on the Internet” examined program picked up specific the tension between “balanc[ing] keywords. This method—both students’ free speech rights invasive and effective only for against the dangers children can text content­—remains incom- get into at school and sometimes prehensive. with the law because of what The bottom line falls to the they say in posts on Facebook, students. As students, we need Twitter and Tumblr.” to regulate our own behavior While Internet surveillance and activity online if we are to may be an understandable avoid Internet surveillance as

For school As students, we administrators to go need to regulate our out of their way to own behavior and spy on their students’ activity online if we social networking a. manos/the phillipian are to avoid Internet surveillance breaks this wall online of him having sexual communities they frequent to activity is a violation down but builds new ones, encounters with a man in his prevent such incidents. surveillance as a seeding distrust between stu- dorm, should never be allowed For school administrators of privacy and their dents and the administration to go out of their way to spy permanent fixture in as we mix the academic and on their students’ social net- trust. the social. working activity is a violation schools. Yes, the Internet can both of privacy and their trust. As hurt and connect, but schools As maturing maturing individuals, students measure, social networking should trust the students who must have the space to fail and a permanent fixture in schools. and media are places for stu- populate these online com- individuals, students grow. If school administra- We need to be more careful, dents to express themselves munities, as well as these net- tors begin to monitor and cen- more mindful and more com- freely, and in most cases re- working sites themselves, to must have the space sor students’ privacy as well passionate when we post. The spectfully, outside of school. keep dialogue respectful. It is as penalize them for actions way to prevent the implemen- At a school like Andover where never acceptable for a student to fail and grow. not even committed on school tation of invasive solutions is students spend the majority of to bully or attack a peer on- property, then schools could to eliminate a need for them in their time on academics, ath- line. Most people would agree control most aspects of their the first place. letics and school-related ac- that cases such as that of Ty- students’ lives. tivities, such an outlet for out- ler Clementi, a Rutgers Uni- to occur. For the majority of This does not, however, of-school expression becomes versity freshman, whose peers cases, it is the responsibility mean that schools do not have Avery Jonas is a two-year even more critical. Internet recorded and streamed a video of the students and the online a right to intervene when in- Lower from Brooklyn, NY. Medical Attention What we must now acknowl- Carrie Ingerman edge is that the healthcare system is far from perfect. Of- misdiagnosed ten, doctors and nurses do not or cannot take the time to sit am a “returning new Up- down with a patient and ex- per.” Two years ago, I was plain his or her options, the I a healthy 17-year-old Lower, intricacies of potential proce- but in January 2012, I found dures and the state of the pa- myself at Isham Health Center tient’s general well-being. We, with severe lower back pain that as patients, simply cannot rely

Often, doctors and My parents and I nurses do not or were totally out cannot take the time of our league. We to sit down with a did not know what patient and explain questions to ask, his or her options, the which symptoms to intricacies of potential worry about or who to procedures and the approach for help. state of the patient’s general well-being.

I later learned was the result of on medical professionals to an unhealed surgical procedure communicate adequately with 14 years before. After an emer- k. weaver/the phillipian us. Instead, we must inform gency surgery at the Boston ourselves and initiate dialogue. Children’s Hospital, I was sup- emotional and physical well- April 2012, my parents found a care is difficult. Often, there is An educated, focused pa- posedly “fixed” and returned being each step of the way. I specialist who could treat the no single solution to a patient’s tient who can effectively ad- to school. At the time, I had no was kept in the dark about my new problems, which I found problems. This may seem like vocate for him or herself can idea I would not be a full-time own health. What I did learn, out were the results of a ce- a good thing, but when each much improve the care that student here again until this fall. however, was that when it rebrospinal fluid leak, a com- potentially “correct” medical he or she receives. We all need As soon I returned to school, mon surgical complication. I to be active members of our my parents, who are both phy- returned to school for the sec- own healthcare team. Unfor- sicians, and the Isham staff im- ond time in September 2012, tunately, it is the patients who mediately realized that some- but the symptoms reappeared. currently bear the responsibil- thing was still very wrong. My neurosurgeon in Boston re- ity of making sure that they Long lists of questions regard- fused to take me seriously, and We, as patients, understand their condition, as ing my psychological well-be- What we must now suggested I see a counselor. well as the proposed treatment ing and stress level punctuated In November 2012, I had my simply cannot rely on plan and its potential conse- subsequent visits to the emer- acknowledge is that third surgery in ten months, quences. The silver lining to gency room, and doctors re- again to repair the fluid leak. medical professionals my story is that I have learned peatedly ignored my lingering the healthcare system Soon afterwards, however, it to be a better advocate for my- symptoms, telling my parents became apparent that I had to communicate self. I have learned that pa- that I was out of shape and ex- is far from perfect. traded one set of medical prob- tients have an unprecedented aggerating my symptoms. lems for another. My body at- adequately with us. opportunity to revolutionize My parents and I were to- tempted to heal itself after sur- the care they receive simply by tally out of our league. We did gury, leaving me with too much raising their voices. not know what questions to spinal fluid that caused high ask, which symptoms to worry intra-cranial pressure. Nobody Carrie Ingerman is a two- about or who to approach for thought to tell me before the year Upper from Baton Rouge, help. The medical profession- comes to dealing with medical procedure about this potential choice comes with its own set LA. She is also the founder of als charged with my care com- professionals, I was the best, side-effect, which continues to of ramifications, patients need Get Heard, an organization that pletely failed to educate and and sometimes the only, advo- affect my recovery even now, proper guidance in selecting seeks to empower young patients guide us through my various cate I had. almost one year later. the best option to suit their and help them navigate the Unit- procedures or check-up on my After leaving school again in Obtaining the best health- present and future needs. ed States healthcare system.

have an opinion? write for commentary email klezine or jsalvo A4 NEWS The Phillipian November 8, 2013 Keller Pleads Guilty to Broader CAMD Clubs Splinter Into Specific Sub-Groups Child Pornography Charges decided to start the Inter- tities, CAMD has devel- tains posts highlighting Continued from A1, Col. 6 racial Student Associa- oped the Hindu Student different club events. The pornography from a Cana- tion. Association and Muslim Af-Lat-Am Mentoring dian company and had some “The constituency was Student Association in the Program (AMP) also has of it sent to Isham. Also, ticultural Development much smaller than it is to- past ten years. a Facebook group for men- as part of the plea bargain, (CAMD) office faces as a day, but there were enough tors and mentees to con- Keller admitted that he has whole. students of mixed heritage TRENDING TOWARDS nect. had a sexual interest in ado- The multicultural who felt that ‘Gosh, my ex- THE “ACADEMIC” “[The] other piece lescents since the 1970s and community that Andover perience is not recognized about social media is two- has viewed child pornogra- encompasses has grown here, I don’t really have a CAMD has also strug- fold. That’s one of the phy on the internet, accord- to represent 39 countries voice,’” said Murata. gled to reassert itself as a challenges that [Frank ing to “The Eagle-Tribune.” from 29 in 1997 and 41.5 In the past ten years, legitimate extracurricular Wu] spoke about. But I Keller was arrested on percent students of color however, the number of option in the increasingly think many of you can get September 13, 2012 and from 25 percent in 1995, students who identify as busy daily lives of stu- what you want through charged with receipt and according to the Ando- biracial at Andover has dents. Murata noted that social media. You can get possession of child pornog- ver website and the 1995 reached eight percent, many students, pressed into a group, you’re part of raphy, according to a previ- and 1997 Phillips Acad- according to Murata. for time and energy, feel whatever [group of people COURTESY OF WGGB.COM ous article in The Phillipian. emy Catalogs. In addition, Around 2005, the number that CAMD programs— you may identify with],” Investigators found over more than 13 percent of of students identifying as which lack the academic said Griffith. Dr. Richard Keller 100 DVDs of child pornog- the school now identifies mixed heritage increased prestige of Math Club or Two weeks ago, Frank raphy and over 500 explicit as lesbian, gay, bisexual, dramatically, generating Philomathean Society, for Wu, Chancellor and Dean photos of boys in Keller’s transgender, or queer need for the group that example—are not a good of University of Califor- STAFF REPORT home, some of which were (LGBTQ), according to has become Mosaic. use of their time. nia, Hastings College of delivered to Isham, accord- The Phillipian’s 2013 State “Also, over time, I Law, also spoke about the Dr. Richard Keller, ing to a press release pub- of the Academy survey. In think the demands on stu- role of social media in an former Medical Direc- lished by the U.S. Attorney the face of a more diverse DIVERSITY WITHIN dents and maybe the pres- ever-diversifying world to tor at Isham Health Cen- General’s Office at the time student body, Griffith still DIVERSITY sure in relation to college the Andover community. ter, pleaded guilty to two of Keller’s arrest. believes CAMD plays an that kids feel that they While CAMD has only counts of receiving and one Keller’s sentencing has important role in creating Andover has seen diver- have to be involved in dif- begun its efforts to create count of possessing child been scheduled for Febru- a community where “stu- sification within groups ferent clubs and activities a social media presence, pornography in a court ary 27, 2014, according to dents coming from such that were once considered that are more demands on it is optimistic about its hearing on Monday, No- “The Eagle-Tribune.” different backgrounds be “homogenous,” which has their time. That’s some- future possibilities. With vember 5. Keller is likely to A plea bargain is a nego- able to, one, learn from presented a new challenge thing I have seen over the greater accessibility and face a sentence of five years tiation between the defen- each other, and on a very for CAMD to adapt to. years, this increasing feel- the ability to connect eas- and three months to six- dant and the prosecutor in basic level, tolerate each “When I grew up, ev- ing that I must do this and ily with almost anyone, and-a-half years, according which the defendant agrees other, and ultimately, to be ery Asian person was Chi- I must do that and all my CAMD believes that social to “The Eagle-Tribune.” to plead guilty to all or some able to respect each other nese. I never even thought extracurriculars need to media will play a larger Keller pleaded guilty to of the charges in return for and begin to understand about a Korean. Japanese be somehow academic. role in the office’s ongoing the charges as part of a plea concessions from the pros- what you have in common were something about the Whether that is academic strategy. bargain, acknowledging ecutor. as much to understand and war when I was studying, or community service, it that he had purchased child accept your differences.” you know, history,” said has to fulfill some end goal The question CAMD now Griffith. toward the college appli- faces is how to foster this Diversification within cation, as opposed to just dialogue in an ever more larger demographics, like fulfilling one’s particular diverse community. the Asian student popula- interests and needs,” said Andover Students Will Take Online Arabic tion, led to the formation Murata, who also works as A BROADER RANGE of IndoPak seven years a College Counselor. And Global Water Courses With Peer Schools OF IDENTITIES ago to raise awareness on To counter this percep- Indian and Pakistani is- tion and incorporate mul- CAMD has struggled sues. The formation of In- ticultural discussion into to accommodate a more doPak “speaks to the idea students’ lives, CAMD has Continued from A1, Col. 2 to those with particularly the data,” said Merrill. diverse student body that not all Asians are ho- tried to integrate aspects strong initiative to handle In addition to collect- through traditional orga- mogenous,” said Raj Mun- of its programs into class- the difficulty of an online ing this data, the online nizations such as Af-Lat- dra, Faculty Advisor to In- room and academic set- each school will be of- language course. course will aim to analyze Am and Asian Society, doPak. tings through the CAMD fered enrollment in the Another part of the the social and political ef- which were, at one time, “When I was a teach- Scholar program in 2006 Arabic online program ESA’s venture will be to fects of water on the cur- able to accommodate the ing fellow in 1991, there and the recently-founded every year. The course create a global water re- rent world. majority of Andover stu- were about ten students Global Scholar Program, plans to require a two source course. The course “One of the quotes that dents, said Linda Griffith, of South Asian heritage said Griffith. year commitment, as it plans to investigate the you will see in ‘The Econ- Dean of CAMD. at Andover; now I think “What CAMD wants typically takes two years water quality and trends omist’ is that the next ma- With the increasing there are about 80. I was to see happen is a focus to get students to transi- of the local water sources jor war will be about wa- number of students from the first person of South on getting social justice tion into college Arabic of each school. Students ter... Battles to the west unique cultural, racial Asian heritage to teach - race, class, and justice - programs easily, accord- will compile the data of of the US are to get the and socioeconomic back- at Andover ever, so I was into the academic realm, ing to Peter Merrill, In- each water resource and water. The Chinese are in grounds, students’ identi- interested, and the kids into the classroom. [Se- terim Chair of the Global relay it to the ESA for the process of damming ties are no longer as clear- were interested in having lecting] CAMD scholars Perspectives Group and comparison and analysis. the five major rivers that ly defined. Thus, students discussions around our is one way of doing it, but Instructor in Russian and “The ESA will not just run through Southern sometimes have trouble culture and celebrating we’re still outside [the German. be looking at one water- Asia. All of South Asia is fitting into these broad or- and bringing awareness to classroom],” said Griffith. “If we did a one year shed area, but they are nervous about what the ganizations. our perspective, our back- These programs allow program, we would es- looking at seven water- Chinese are doing with “[Biracial or mixed her- grounds to the Andover driven students to pur- sentially be leaving the shed areas and sveeing if their water,” said Merrill. itage] students would talk community,” said Mundra. sue independent research kids on their own,” said the data leads to similar In the coming months, to Ms. Murata or me about IndoPak is not the only through an application Merrill. conclusions. It’s just that administrators from each that, [saying,] ‘Well I feel club which has been creat- process. This year’s pro- In the past, schools the more data sets you of the eight schools will that if I go to this organi- ed as an offshoot of Asian gram saw a 19 percent ac- have found it difficult to have, you have a lot more review proposals for the zation, I’m only support- Society. Last year, SEA, ceptance rate, with six hire teachers in languages you can understand. Ab- two programs and plan ing one side of my family. Andover’s club for stu- scholars chosen out of 31 such as Arabic due to low solutely, the whole point to finalize the courses by If I go to another affinity dents of Southeast Asian applications. student demand. With an of this program is to share next fall. group, I feel that I’m sup- Heritage was created to online presence, the ESA porting the other half of address the needs of stu- hopes not only to generate my family, but forgetting dents of Filipino, Thai and #CONNECTED interest in this unconven- the other half. So I choose Indonesian descent. LEARNING tional language, but also not to go,’” said Griffith. CAMD has recently to eliminate the struggle In order to cater to created more clubs to Besides classroom in- of finding faculty to teach these different identities, represent the increasing tegration, CAMD is also the course and keep drop- CAMD has had to become number of identities, such looking at social media as out rates low for language more attentive to student as Global Nomads, Ando- another possible avenue classes. needs, creating new affin- ver’s club for students who through which people “[An online course] ity groups and offshoots have spent a significant with their own unique will be a way to keep some from other larger, more amount of their life in a identity can connect with presence of Arabic in the general groups. Mosaic, culture aside from their other people who iden- school but not necessar- the mixed heritage or bi- own, and Women’s Forum, tify in the same way, said ily leading to anything on racial group, stands as a which discusses gender is- Griffith. the Andover campus,” ac- prime example. sues. CAMD created a Face- cording to Merrill. Murata, who also CAMD’s creation of book page titled “CAMD The Arabic program serves as the advisor to new organizations has not Club Communications” will be limited to students Mosaic, traced the group’s been limited to multicul- on October 10. The page who have already com- origins back to the 1990s, tural sphere; to address an had 109 likes on Thurs- pleted their school’s lan- when four or five students increase in spiritual iden- day afternoon and con- guage requirements and Write for News!

Email sadams1, emehlman and ayang November 8, 2013 The Phillipian NEWS A5 Andover Alumni Association Honors Distinguished Graduates: Abiola, Church & Stella

The Angolan Civil War, which began in 1975, left Continued from A1, Col. 4 the countryside rife with landmines, said Abiola. When the war ended, a team was dispatched to dis- en in politics and society. Today, KIND has provided able the landmines. Although the operation was offi- 4,000 young women with the courage and skill set to cially deemed successful, further investigation found become active members of society, according to Abiola. that women and children still suffered disproportion- Politics run in Abiola’s blood. Her father, Chief ately from undiscovered mines. Later, the government Moshood Abiola, was the first democratically elected found that the team that removed the mines consisted president of Nigeria. Shortly after his election in 1993, exclusively of men, thus only the mines where men however, a military coup overpowered and imprisoned worked, travelled and lived had been mapped and re- the president-elect. Just two days before Hafsat’s Har- moved. vard University graduation, her mother, Kudirat Abio- “It’s a symbolic example that illustrates what hap- la, was assassinated for protesting against the military pens when the voices of one group of people, who may regime that had imprisoned her husband. have unique experiences, are completely shut out of a “I do not think they lost,” said Abiola of her parents. system,” said Abiola. “If our system affects both men “I think of their journey as a spiritual journey. They and women, then we have to make sure that women’s did not betray themselves. That means their spirits voices, their concerns, their needs, are integrated into stayed pure… We should be celebrating them, so I’m the decision-making process.” happy. I’m actually very happy. And I’m proud of them. “It’s not possible for Andover to talk about empow- I think the challenge is to stay true to whatever we be- ering women around the world if they are not em- lieve and I think they did a very good job of that.” powering women at Andover. You see, sometimes you Abiola’s eyes widened and her smile broadened model the behavior you want… it causes other people upon learning of Andover’s near 50:50 ratio of male to to replicate your example.” female students. When she heard, however, that un- Abiola loved Andover. Andover shaped her person- derlying this ratio is the fact that only four female stu- ality, built her character. Although she did not know dents have been elected school president since the Ab- it at the time, Andover would set her on a path that bot-Andover merger 40 years ago, she slouched back in would determine her life today. her chair as the harsh reality set in. “I think the Andover Bubble is okay if you use that “This is a clear sign that the discrimination against time to prepare yourself for other things, to use that women, or the sense of what women’s natural roles time to take care of yourself and to learn and know are, is so deeply ingrained,” said Abiola. “They’re so yourself… Life is a maturing process. Once you learn deeply ingrained that, if in a place as privileged as An- that, and you go out into the world, no one can stop dover we can still be replicating the same kinds of re- you. Nothing can go wrong for you, because no mat- Hafsat Abiola ’92 sults that very fundamentalist nations are generating, ter what goes wrong you do not betray yourself,” said it already tells you something.” Abiola. J. SCHMITT/ THE PHILLIPIAN “I’m going to tell you a story.”

cycling, Church was an active member of sports teams while small subject, but I am fairly good at bridging subjects-- for Continued from A1, Col. 5 at Andover. Church said that it was through participating in example, bridging optics and stem cells.” three sports a year for four years, that Church learned the Church was not on campus to receive the award at the complete mapping and understanding of all the genes of hu- importance of teamwork. “Before Andover, I was more de- ceremony last Friday, as he was travelling in Asia. He plans man beings,” according to the Human Genome Project Web- pendent on teachers and parents and less dependent on fel- on visiting campus sometime in the near future. site. low students. I was less of a team player,” said Church. Church arrived at Andover from a school with very few Church added that learning to be independent, but not athletic opportunities and no extracurriculars. “When I so independent that you are antisocial was another lesson came to Andover, I was behind quite a bit, so much so that he learned while at Andover. “By leaving home when I was I had to repeat ninth grade. But, by the time I left, I was two 13, I became less dependent on my parents. Back then house years ahead because of all the AP courses, as well as the in- counselors and teachers didn’t really hover. So if you, person- dependent studies that I did while at Andover. Essentially, I ally could handle Andover, then you learned to be indepen- went from one year behind to two years ahead,” said Church. dent.” Wasting no time, Church began his first independent After graduating Andover in 1972, Church enrolled at project in computer science his ninth grade year. His math Duke University. Flunking out of Duke’s undergraduate pro- teacher, Crayton Betford, gave him the first half of the year gram because he was too busy working on extensive indi- off to convert his knowledge of math into knowledge of com- vidual research, Church went to graduate school at Harvard puters, known at the time as applicational math, according after only two years of studying at Duke. Church had already to Church. authored enough publications to be accepted into Harvard Church’s independent academic pursuits continued to University. define in Andover career through Senior year. While at An- At Harvard, Church received his PhD while studying dover, Church did another independent study in computer with Wally Gilbert, who had won the Nobel Prize in Chem- science during his Upper year, as well as independent proj- istry. ects in both chemistry and biology his senior year. Now a professor at Harvard Medical School, Church “When I got to college, I just started skipping courses, and said that his favorite part of his job is interacting with his continuing to research on my own,” said Church. “My stud- students, helping them plan out experiments and analyze re- ies at Andover are one of the reasons that I went to graduate sults. Right now, he is working on ways of encoding informa- school after only two years of college and I started writing tion like videos into envelopes of DNA. papers within two years of leaving Andover. Andover was a “If I had to choose out of all the disciplines, I would very transformative experience, one could say.” choose interdisciplinary,” said Church. “The individual dis- Betford was Church’s greatest influence both in the math ciplines are just too limiting. In our lab what we are good at, classroom, as well as on the wrestling team. Church dedicat- is not any one individual discipline, but rather the integration George Church ’72 ed his PhD thesis to Betford. of different disciplines.” Running cross country and track, wrestling, as well as Church continued, “I am not particularly good at any one COURTESY OF EDGE.COM

H.W. Bush ’42, William Knowles ’95, winner of the No- Hans Hofmann, two major influences in modern-day Continued from A1, Col. 6 bel Prize in Chemistry, and, this year, Hafsat Abiola ’92 art pedagogy. and George Church ’72. Rather, he regarded his return “They covered the whole spectrum as far as ab- phrase, “What you see is what you see,” that served as to campus with a sort of humorous nostalgia. straction was concerned,” said Stella. “Albers was a the genesis of modern minimalism. “It is a little different,” he said. “I have been back a paragon of geometric abstraction and Hofmann was an Stella was on campus Friday to receive the Andover few times before, but this time, I really feel old. I really insanely gifted teacher and a wildly successful painter. Alumni Award of Distinction, given annually to Phil- can’t hide it.” So you had the hard and the soft, you had it all.” lips and Abbot Academy alumni who have “served with Stella graduated from Andover in 1954 as a “pretty This comprehensive education in abstraction al- distinction in their fields of endeavor.” Stella did not average student” in all aspects but wrestling, where lowed Stella to work through the block of realistic de- seem fazed to join a list that includes President George he excelled as an integral part of the team. “I spent as piction with which many artists struggled at the time. much time playing sports as I did making art. I was not “First you studied art, then you made realistic paint- really part of the artsy community.” ings, then you went to abstraction. It wasn’t that way After struggling with “low-level delinquency” at for me. I was just in it,” he said. his old school, Stella said his parents shipped him off In retrospect, his five-decade-long career seemed to Andover as “a punishment.” After unknowingly to follow a natural path for Stella. “The trend towards impressing the school’s wrestling coach at a practice abstraction was a demarked historical event,” he said. prearranged by his father, Stella applied and was ac- “I think it has to do with the history of all ideas in the cepted. 19th century, and I guess you have to say it had to do He adjusted quickly to a lifestyle at Andover that he then with the 18th century and so on, because each described as “a little hazier, a little looser” than it is to- century before affected the next one. All of the ideas day. He still remembers the house master of his dorm, blended together at the beginning of the 20th century who “wrote home to my father that I was a ‘potential into modernism.” bomb-thrower.’” What’s next? Stella isn’t sure. “Now in the 21st cen- However, it was at Andover where Stella cultivated tury it is not very clear what the trajectory of art is go- an interest in painting that stemmed from his moth- ing to be and it won’t necessarily follow that line. How- er, who was an artist, and his father, who worked as a ever it goes, it will be something else.” house painter. “The material of paint was easy for me. “Andover just gives you that slick confidence, and I could just mess around, I didn’t feel self conscious I don’t know if it is merited or not, for making your about it.” way through the world,” he said. “I wasn’t that ambi- Stella most appreciated the space that Andover gave tious and I was in the right place at the right time. I him to explore painting, and pursued the “Art Major.” was fairly lucky in the beginning. I was really only one He spent his mornings in Art History classes and his of many young artists, many of whom were friends of afternoons in the studio twice a week. “Everyone mine. The older generation of artists were amazingly was so pressured to get certain grades, so you never receptive, I mean, to the whole group of us.” took courses that you couldn’t get a decent grade in, In spite of his overwhelmingly successful career, and that probably changed my life at Andover. In art Stella still staunchly believes that “the audience for art they didn’t give you a reign, so I was free to do what I is the person who makes it.” He said, “It has to go by you pleased.” first. Then, whatever else happens after that is okay, it Andover’s art program set the stage for the abstract is not serious. It may affect your lifestyle or what you Frank Stella ’54 work he would explore later, said Stella. The curricu- have to do, but everyone has to do something.” lum then was based on the theories of Josef Albers and J.SCHMITT/ THE PHILLIPIAN A6 NEWS The Phillipian November 8, 2013 Trustees Seek Student and Alumni Community Celebrates Sykes’s Perspectives in Strategic Planning 40 Years of Service at Andover with students who went to The Distinguished Ser- knowledgement of one Continued from A1, Col. 5 Niswarth, BASK in ASK, vice Award is presented Continued on A1, Col. 6 individual, it is also a HUACA, South Africa and annually to alumni who great symbolic gesture to The trustees also used Arts, Brazil PLACES and showed exceptional com- the McKeen Award last `reflect how diverse the the weekend to update the Russian language immer- mitment to Andover in spring, was a proponent community has become community on the prog- sion in order to hear about various ways that include for greater diversity dur- over time,” said Sykes. ress of the new Rebecca M. the impact of off-campus playing a philanthropic ing her 40-year tenure In September, Sykes Sykes Wellness Center, to educational experiences. role, community building at Andover, pushing for departed Andover to be- be completed by December A small group of female or volunteer service. equal-opportunity poli- come the first President of 2015. alumni and trustees also “This award is our most cies for underrepresented the Oprah Winfrey Char- The Board looked at met with the Girls’ Lead- important award for the students in her numer- itable Foundation. She plans drawn up and pre- ership Project to discuss Andover volunteers. Each ous positions on cam- and her husband, Elwin sented by representatives gender matters on and off year we give the award to pus. She was also instru- Sykes, faculty emeritus, from Shepley Bulfinch, a campus. The women at the five or six individuals or mental in the foundation have spent three weeks at design company. They con- event sparked conversa- couples who demonstrate of the Brace Center for the Oprah Winfrey Lead- firmed plans to move for- tion about the Andover/ the spirit of non sibi by Gender Studies and the ership Academy for Girls ward with architectural Abbot Academy merger. giving back of time, trea- Girls’ Leadership Proj- in South Africa (OWLAG) A.WESTFALL/THE PHILLIPIAN renderings featuring geo- Elizabeth Powell AA’56 sure, and talent,” said Tom ect (GLP). She began as a and flew in specifically Becky Sykes returned to thermal heating and cool- was a charter trustee for Beaton, newly appointed switchboard operator in for Friday night’s dinner. campus. ing as well as a green roof 20 years. She became a Alumni Council president February of 1973, eventu- “I am taking a tip from and an energy dashboard. trustee in 1980 and was and first year trustee. ally moving up to serve Mr. Palfrey’s first year by and the foundation works “A preliminary de- the second female to join The dinner hosted on as Dean of Community doing a lot of listening,” to provide moral and fi- sign has been approved the Board of Trustees. Friday night ended with and Multicultural De- wrote Sykes of her new nancial support to help for the wellness center. Upon returning to cam- the announcement of the velopment (CAMD), So- position. “The school is them complete both high They got the program to- pus, Powell noted the dif- dedication of the new well- cial Functions Director, the single most important school and university, gether, building designs, ferences between Trust- ness center to Becky Sykes, House Counselor, Abbot initiative that is support- continued Sykes. “I was and we’re now in the fund- ees’ Weekend now and 30 former Associate Head of Cluster Dean and, ulti- ed by the foundation.” responsible for all the ar- raising stage,” said Robert years ago, highlighting the School, and the celebration mately, Associate Head of Sykes overviews the eas of student life when Campbell ’66, a two-year progress that Andover has of exceptional teachers School. strategic vision of the I was at Andover. The charter trustee. made in the past three de- and retiring trustees. “I have had the privi- school, which is to pro- work we do in student life The goal of the Board cades since the merger. Instructorships and lege to be here all 40 vide an excellent univer- in Phillips Academy and of Trustees is to achieve “This weekend was just foundations, each gener- years that she was here,” sity preparatory program at OWLAG is essentially the Leadership in Energy huge in welcoming back ously supported by en- said Elizabeth Parker ’56, for girls from economi- the same—it complements and Environmental Design Andover and Abbot people dowed funds, were pre- trustee emerita and exec- cally disadvantaged back- the academic program (LEED) energy silver cer- and in re-engaging them, sented at the dinner by Pat utive committee member grounds. and makes it possible for tification for the new well- so to speak, trying to bring Farrell, Dean of Faculty. of the Andover Develop- “Now that we have students to focus on their ness center. them up to date, and let Judith Wombwell, Clyfe ment Board. “I think put- been on the campus for studies,” said Sykes. Peter Currie ’74, newly- them see what Andover is Beckwith, Elly Nyamwaya ting the name on the in- three weeks, I can im- Sykes is already in appointed president of the now in 2013,” said Powell. and Leon Modeste earned firmary was a beautiful, merse myself in all as- the midst of coordinat- Board of Trustees and ten- On Saturday morning, the Ammi Wright Lan- meaningful, more than pects of school life,” Sykes ing wellness workshops year charter trustee, said the Distinguished Service cashire Teaching Founda- a gesture. It was really a said. “Just before we left for OWLAG students and that this weekend was cen- Award was awarded to tion, the George Peabody recognition for what she town eight days ago, we faculty to occur on their tered on creating more op- Henry Cho ’83, Susan Urie Teaching Foundation, the had done for the school attended a small local fair campus this July. The portunities for the trustees Donahue ’73, John Kane Sumner Kates ’38 and Mar- for those 40 years.” at which the school’s ma- workshops will be the to meet with more groups ’63, Kuni and Michael shall Kates ’39 Instructor- The new Wellness rimba band played. I’ve first phase of the leader- of faculty and students. Schmertzler ’70, Con- ship for the Humanities Center will be one of also observed students ship program Sykes will One of such groups of stance Wright and David and the Independence the few spaces on cam- make presentations on develop. “The workshops students were those who Stoldt P’07 ’09 and ’12 and Foundation respectively. pus named for a woman business and attended are meant to help students participated in global pro- Yichen Zhang ’82, accord- and the only one named arts performances.” develop and refine coping grams in the past year. The ing to an Andover press for an African-American Many of the girls at mechanisms. These skills ADB and the trustees met release. woman. “While the nam- OWLAG have difficult are important for anyone, ing is a tremendous ac- family circumstances but especially for those with leadership aspira- tions,” said Sykes. Palfrey has yet to name Sex Ed Committee Works to Create More Comprehensive Program a successor to fill the po- sex ed class to encourage it was a good balance be- sion to have or not have an online sex education sition of Associate Head Continued from A1, Col. 1 discussion about Andover- tween getting the informa- sex with an Isham Nurse course that students could of School since Sykes’s specific situations. The tion and not actually hav- Practitioner. complete in modules, al- departure. or Postgraduates (PGs), class now lasts a double ing the house counselors “Some students don’t lowing students who en- Calling Sykes “irre- however, do not attend the period and uses statistics there,” said Melanie Oliva feel that they can have that ter at any year to take the placeable” in an interview PE sex ed class or PACE on sexuality at Andover ’14, a proctor in Stimson. conversation with any oth- course. with The Phillipian last classes. Additionaly, day taken from a school-wide Other dorms, includ- er adult, and that’s a safe, “If we might be able spring, Palfrey said, “I students do not take part health survey, according ing Fuess, are planning a confidential space for them to do some of the more think that when anybody in the room visiting meet- to Katherine Vozeolas, Di- second sex education dis- to do be able to do that. biological or the nuts and has been here for 40 years ings, which are supposed rector of Nursing at Isham. cussion independent of the And at the end of the con- bolts discussions or educa- and done such as amaz- to offer a safe space to dis- The working group sex ed working group to versation, they might say, tion online, then some of ing job as Mrs. Sykes has, cuss healthy relationships, worked with dorms to further the conversation ‘I don’t think sex is for me,’ that time that teachers and the job sometimes comes according to Patel. standardize and broaden on self-respect and sexual- or they might say, ‘I’m re- students are in a room to- to describe the individual “If we value sex edu- the reach of sex ed re- ity within the dorm. The ally ready and committed gether can be used to take or to be built upon the in- cation and sexual health sources, according to Pa- discussions, conducted in and feel really comfortable that conversation to the dividual strengths of that within our community, tel. Last spring, Isham small groups by the proc- and sex is the right option next level, ” said Patel. person.” we have to determine a nurses held a second room tors, hope to be another for me.’ So whatever choice Tipton said, “It feels “I will always be in- reasonably consistent way visit discussion at Stimson comfortable place for they make, we want them a little bit like we’ve got debted to all in the Ando- to have people experience House to discuss issues of students to discuss their to make the safest choice these puzzle pieces scat- ver community for what that curriculum…I think sex, sexuality and contra- questions about sex and possible,” said Patel. tered around, and we they have taught me, but we owe it to everyone in ceptive services offered by sexuality on campus, ac- Patel said that the lack haven’t yet created a com- none more than the gener- this school to have those Isham. cording to Harry Wright of precedent is the biggest prehensive image and then ous donors who have and experiences,” said Frank “I think [the Isham ’14, a proctor in Fuess. challenge facing the work- we have to pull those piec- will give selflessly to a Tipton, member of the Sex talk] was really help- Sex ed extends beyond ing group. es together. And by pulling project to which they were Education working group ful, because a lot of the the classroom or dorm and Though no formal those pieces together, we entitled to affix their own and Dean of West Quad times when it’s being led into Isham’s clinical realm. plans have been made, can also identify what’s names. I want to thank North Cluster. by House Counselor, it’s Before being prescribed the administration is con- missing and we can decide them in particular for

LastAndover_SundayBrunch_Philippian spring, the work- 5-15-13_v2.pdfhard because 1 5/15/2013 they’re 1:23:41 PM so in- birth control, female stu- sidering creating sex ed what, as a community, we their powerful example of ing group adjusted the PE volved with your lives, so dents discuss their deci- through requirements in really care about.” ‘non sibi,’” said Sykes.

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K November 8, 2013 The Phillipian ARTS & LEISURE | A7 Arts&Leisure iTalent & iFashion Shows Flood Kemper with “iTunes”

song. As he reached for the ate loud, ringing beats. As the high-pitched notes, his vibrato tappers continued to hit the Chloe Lee crescendoed to a full, dramat- poles together, a pair of dancers ic intensity. Although many of jumped in and out the spaces the audience members did not between the bamboo poles. At Unlike previous years, this speak Korean, the audience the end, the dancers invited au- year’s iTalent and iFashion appeared fully engaged by the dience members onto the stage Show paraded a more creative performance. to try and learn the dance. set of talent and traditional cos- “Even though I couldn’t un- “It was so fun watching the tumes as part of the Interna- derstand what Clint [Yoo] was folk dance. I’ve never seen any- tional Festival (iFest). The stu- saying, I listened and thought thing quite like it before. I really dent-organized event included about the tones of what he sang, wished I had gone up and tried a performance of the guzheng, as well as his facial expressions dancing,” said Malka Berro ’14, a traditional 18-string Chinese and melody of the song. It ex- an audience member. “Some of instrument and a Filipino bam- pressed a lot of emotions and the dancers live in my dorm, so boo folk dance. even some of the meaning of I know how much they’ve prac- The show opened with Res- the song without knowing the ticed over the past weeks. Their onate, a student-run orchestra meaning of the words,” said hard work definitely paid off. It group, performing “B Rosette,” Sarah Ding ’17. looked so good.” a song from a Korean drama. Other songs of different lan- The talent show shifted into Tony Choi ’15, Co-Head of Res- guages, such as Spanish and the fashion show as models onate, who played first violin, Malay, followed Yoo’s perfor- dressed in traditional garments led the melody while percus- mance. walked up the stage. Countries sionist Tiffany Tien ’16 kept Introducing the audience represented this year included the orchestral group together to the complex art of ancient Bahrain, Bhutan, the Domini- with a steady beat. Other in- Chinese music, Alex Ma ’17 per- can Republic and Saudi Arabia. struments such as the tuba, formed a piece on a guzheng. As the models said greetings cello and flute gave the piece a The instrument resembles a in their countries’ official lan- rhythmic dimension, creating a piano and allows the musician guages and modeled their cloth- full-orchestral concert experi- to play the melody with right ing, the MCs, Paulina Munn ’14 ence despite its small scale of hand and the harmony with left and Ben Yi ’14, presented fun 12 members. hand. facts about different countries. “It was fun to get the music Ma showed strong focus and Representing Saudi Arabia, because it is not found in Amer- concentration as she played, Sophie Smith ’17 dressed in a ica, so Tony Choi had a friend of and the audience watched in- black burqa, a customary piece his from Korea send it to him. tently as her fingers flew across of clothing with a face-veil Music ties people across cul- the strings. worn by many women of the Is- tures, and it was wonderful to Taking a different turn from lamic tradition. E.ZAEDER/THE PHILLIPIAN see that culminate during iFest a number of instrumental and “Muslims wear [the burqa] Dan Wang ’14, International Club Co-Head, urges students to when we played an internation- vocal performances, members because there are quotes in the get out of their comfort zones and learn about new cultures. al piece,” said Maita Eyzaguirre of Southeast Asian (SEA) Club Qur’an instructing believing “I really like how we could show to be more of a concert, ’14, Co-Head of Resonate. then appeared on the stage car- women to cover themselves. Of- experience all of the diverse but this was much better. I liked Clint Yoo ’14 sang an emo- rying 8-foot-long bamboo poles. ten times, fathers or husbands cultures at one place. I really it because it was friendlier than tional cover of the popular Dressed in brightly colored are in control of whether or not liked the fashion show because I had expected,” said Christine Korean hit “What If,” by Girl’s garments, the bamboo tappers the women have to cover and all of their traditional clothes You ’16. Generation. Yoo’s performance lowered the poles to the ground how much, and this may con- were so pretty and unique. I captured the reminiscent and and started sliding and beat- tribute to the male-dominated expected the talent and fashion heartbreaking message of the ing the poles together to cre- culture in Saudi,” said Smith. iFeast Takes Students Festival of Lights: Around the World Students Celebrate Diwali and Eid [They’re] a really heartwarming Sharan Gill thing to make,” said Tucker Drew ’17. iFeast also featured a large variety of mouthwatering dishes The George Washington in addition to the delicious des- Hall mailroom was transformed serts. Among the most popular into a bustling food market last foods were vegetable dumplings Saturday night for iFeast, a stu- sold by Chinese and Taiwanese dent-run food bazaar that gave Student Association (CTSA). Not the Andover community the op- only were the vegetable-filled portunity to sample a wide vari- dumplings popular because of ety of international cuisine. their rich flavors, they were also iFeast was organized by the among the few vegetarian items International Club, part of the available at iFeast. Office for Community and Mul- “We wanted to serve things ticultural Development (CAMD). that were exciting and healthy,” “We hope that students get said Rosalyn Chen ’14, Head of the chance to reach out of their CTSA. comfort zone and have a taste In addition to featuring foods of a wide variety of cultures, es- from the Asian and South Amer- pecially because food is so im- ican regions, iFeast also featured portant to the cultural identities foods from a variety of European of many ethnicities,” said Dan countries, such as France. The Wang ’14, Co-Head of Interna- French Club spent four hours tional Club. earlier that day making crêpes, E.KAUFFMAN-LEDUC/THE PHILLIPIAN Various CAMD clubs sold a according to Harry Wright ’14, Top: Students model Indian and Pakistani traditional garments. variety of food including sweet a member of the club. Unlike Right: Tasmiah Ahmad ’14 prepares to sing and play a Bengali song. Chinese rice cakes, fragrant Thai the American-style crêpes of- coconut soup and Belgian choc- ten served in Commons, French “It’s an ancient art form that’s olate cake from tables lining the Club served more traditional, Kalina Ko used to tell stories through dance mailroom. thinner crêpes. and, since most pieces are prais- “Food is a large part of peo- “We chose to make crêpes ing Hindu gods, to show the ple’s culture and where they because they’re French staples. Yellow lights decorated Sam- dancer’s devotion to the gods. I come from. It’s really interest- They’re popular and everyone uel Phillips Hall this past week, performed a piece on Ganesha, ing to see what people are taking likes them,” said Wright. marking the celebration of Diwa- the remover of obstacles, a Hindu from their cultures to bring to Most clubs that participat- li, the Hindu festival of lights, and god with the head of an elephant,” Andover. At iFeast, ‘youth from ed in iFeast kept their profits to Eid al-Adha, a Muslim holiday. said Sridhar, who has been learn- every quarter’ translates to ‘food fund club activities. Matt Os- As in past years, IndoPak ing this form of dance for the past from every quarter,’” said Al- borne ’15, however, sold a vari- hosted an elaborate show last Fri- ten years. ex-Maree Roberts ’16. ety of baked goods and will be day featuring traditional dances, In addition, members of In- One of the bestselling des- sending all proceeds to charity. religious prayers and a fashion doPak also prepared a show ded- serts at iFeast were the Brazil- All the profits from his sales will show to celebrate Diwali and Eid. icated to the spiritual aspect of ian brigadeiros. A combination go to Teaching and Sharing Skills Diwali is an important holiday Diwali. Singing a 19th century of condensed milk, cocoa pow- to Enrich Lives (TASSEL), a in the Hindu religion. In India, Hindu devotional song, “Om Jai der and butter, brigadeiros are non-profit organization that pro- diyas, a type of lantern, are lit up Jagdish Hare,” they got a number Brazilian truffles melded into vides Cambodian students with all night to welcome the arrival of of audience members to join the chewy, chocolate spheres. high quality, English educations. Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, The food bazaar was part of chorus despite their unfamiliarity E.KAUFFMAN-LEDUC/THE PHILLIPIAN “Brigadeiros aren’t just food. and to scare away evil demons, with the prayer melody. or trios, striking poses upon They’re part of a lifestyle. When the three-part International Fes- according to Meera Bhan ’14, Co- “My religious descent is half reaching the stage. children are growing up, they tival. Following iFeast, Interna- Head of IndoPak. Catholic and half Hindu. Grow- “The fashion show was short will make brigadeiros because tional Club hosted the iTalent Eid, a Muslim holiday that ing up, I have never been very and sweet, and I think it did a they’re easy to make at home. and iFashion Show. falls at the end of Ramadan, is religious, so I loved the experi- good job of representing styles of traditionally celebrated by sacri- ence of taking part in a Hindu everyday as well as formal Indian ficing cattle to feed the poor. The prayer. Not everyone in the audi- clothing styles,” said Sridhar. sacrificial ritual is done to com- ence knew what a Hindu prayer “I thought the festival was memorate Abraham’s willing- sounded like, so I feel that more an accurate portrayal of modern ness to sacrifice his son, Ishmael. people may want to learn more Hinduism in the 21st century. I During Eid, celebrants fast until about this religion after taking especially liked how it [brought the sun sets. part in a prayer. I liked the prayer, students] together to celebrate For a fee of $5, the audience because I feel like I connected to some religious holidays that are members sampled traditional my mother’s religious roots and important to us,” said Akhil Rajan Indian food ranging from naan, I vaguely remember saying this ’17, a member of IndoPak. a spiced flatbread, to mango ice prayer in my grandparents’ house “The food at the festival was cream. in India,” said Rohan Lewis ’17, an especially good, as was the over- Kicking off the night in Kem- audience member. all spirit of the festival! Every- per Auditorium, Mihika Sridhar The celebration ended with a one seemed to be having fun and ’16—in a bright green sari and ac- fashion show featuring tradition- learning about South Asian cul- companied by traditional instru- al Indian and Pakistani clothing. ture,” added Sridhar. mental music—performed a clas- The models, dressed in differ- This is Andover’s 18th year sical style of South Indian dance ent traditional styles and colors, celebrating the holidays of Diwali C.CRUZ/THE PHILLIPIAN called Bharatanatyam. walked around the room in pairs and Eid. Chinese Club sells sweet rice cakes. A8 SPORTS The Phillipian November 8, 2013 ANDOVER EXETER FALL 2013 PREVIEW Saturday, November 9, 2013 at Phillips Exeter Academy All Photos Courtesy of Phillips Academy

We want to prove ourselves to the school and GIRLS VARSITY make up for our rough start to the season,” said Kinsey Yost ’15. Last year, Andover tied Exeter 1-1 in an exhil- arating home game. Disappointed with the out- SOCCER come, the girls are ready to seek revenge. “I want to end the game knowing that every girl on the team tried their hardest and have no regrets about the way that they played,” said Led by Co-Captains Diana Tchadi ’14 and Tchadi. Hannah Guzzi ’14, Girls Soccer has had a rocky Katie Kreider ’14, the team’s starting center season. With a 7-7-2 record, the team has beat- midfielder, said, “The five of us [Tchadi, Guzzi, en extremely talented teams, but also lost to less Kreider, Aly Wayne ’14 and Nekele McCall ’14] competitive ones. have been playing for the team since our Fresh- The highlights of the team’s season were ruin- men year, and we are super pumped for our last ing the undefeated seasons of Choate, Governors Andover/Exeter game together.” and Pingree girls soccer. “I’m looking forward to playing our last game With the season ending, the long-awaited An- with our Seniors who we have grown so close to, dover/Exeter matchup looms tomorrow. and winning the rivalry for them and the school. 1 0 : 3 0 a . m . “We are looking forward to killing Exeter and It’ll be a really competitive game,” said Alex finishing the end of our season on a strong note. Thomas ’15. Caroline Shipley ’16 sprints upfield with the ball.

pushing through a season handicapped by sever- GIRLS VARSITY al players’ injuries. The team will rely on serving powerhouses Wincek, Erica Shin ’16 and Mandy Reichenbach VOLLEYBALL ’14 to anchor the team against Exeter. When An- dover’s game against Northfield Mount Hermon (NMH) was tied at 17-17, Reichenbach’s unan- swered serves helped the team seal a 3-1 victory. “The fact that the team has stepped up to re- Well-rested after a week without a game, Girls place missing players and battle out tough match- Volleyball returns to the court tomorrow aiming es against SPS, Exeter, Loomis, Deerfield and to repeat its three-set shutout over Exeter earlier NMH has been a telling sign that we are fighters,” this season and end its rollercoaster season on a said Coach Clyfe Beckwith. high note. After a season hampered by concussions and “We learned some of [Exeter’s] strengths and surprise bee attacks, Andover is prepared to take weaknesses from our match earlier this season, down Exeter again this A/E weekend. so we need to go in ready to shut down their “I’m really looking forward to A/E, because it’s strengths and highlight and expose their weak- my last chance to play Exeter and always my fa- nesses,” said Co-Captain Kate Wincek ’14. vorite game of the year,” said Wincek. “The ener- 1 1 : 0 0 a . m . Led by Co-Captains Alex Becker ’15 and gy in the gym is unmatched and there’s always so Wincek, Andover seized decisive 3-0 wins against much happening the entire game, so people end Girls Volleyball amps up for a game. BB&N and Milton and a 3-1 win over Dana Hall, up playing their best.”

GIRLS VARSITY the rest of the team to follow that lead,” said Assis- tant Coach Carolyn Polley. “A team can have a variety of great leaders, but FIELD HOCKEY the teams that have the willing followers to put in the same amount of hard work are winners at the end of the day. It may sound cliché, but that’s what you need to win against Exeter,” she continued. After going 8-1-1 in the last ten games, Ando- Field Hockey is looking forward to finishing ver hopes to continue its high level of play. off a great season with a win against Exeter. “It would be absolutely incredible if we could “This game represents not only PAFH, but also beat Exeter. As a Class A team, it is important for our school. This game will come down to who our record, but more than that, it is to prove we wants it more. Our team is ready to go out there are on top,” said Co-Captain Amy Morin ’14. and take it to them,” said Eva Toffoloni ’15, Ando- “Each team plays as hard as they can and the ver’s lead scorer this season. game is always intense, always fast paced and al- Andover enters this game at 11-2-1 and leaving ways down to the wire,” said Head Coach Kate victorious will guarantee the team a top seed in Dolan. “Both teams are skilled and athletic, and it the upcoming New England tournament. will simply be a matter of which team plays with “I expect our Seniors to lead, as this will be the most cohesion and composure on that par- 1 2 : 0 0 p . m . their last time competing in an Andover/Exeter ticular day.” field hockey game, but more importantly, I expect Eliza Quigley ’15 outsprints a defender.

that you’re participating in a legendary rivalry, so BOYS VARSITY the most difficult thing to do as a team is to stay focused and play your game,” said Co-Captain Graeme Henderson ’14. Andover hopes to continue its winning streak SOCCER under the leadership of Co-Captains Chin and Henderson. Few teams have threatened Andover’s rock-solid defense, which consists of Kene Adig- we ’14 and Henderson in the center, with Andy Last year, Andover Boys Soccer beat Exeter Manos ’16 and Josh Murphy ’15 on the outsides. 1-0, with the only goal coming off a pass across Additionally, Andover has an extremely pro- the 18-yard box from Co-Captain Taylor Chin ’14 ductive forward tandem with Mott and Nick to Dylan Mott ’15, who blasted the ball over the DiStefano ’14, who have scored the majority of head of the Exeter goalkeeper. the team’s goals this season. This year, Exeter will look to upset Andover, “In every Andover/Exeter game, the records which has won three of the teams’ last four meet- of each team are thrown out the window, and ings. The undefeated Andover team is optimistic every year, the two teams come together and play heading into its matchup against Exeter, which a good match regardless of how their season has has a 9-6-2 record, compared to Andover’s 11-0-5 been going,” said Adigwe. 1 2 : 3 0 p . m . record. Knowing that anything can happen, Andover “There are so many emotions flying around -be looks to complete its undefeated season against Dylan Mott ’15 will lead Boys Soccer as a forward. tween the cheering of the crowd and [knowing] Exeter this A/E Weekend. eter game and a normal regular season game is BOYS VARSITY the tradition,” said Head Coach Leon Modeste. “What heightens the excitement is the hoopla around the game.” FOOTBALL Though Andover holds the better historical head-to-head record, Exeter has prevailed for the past five years. Last season, Andover held a two- point lead in the second half, only to allow 28 un- answered points in a 35-9 Exeter victory. Striving to topple Exeter’s five-year dominance, On the offensive side, Ian Maag ’14 and Ryder Andover Football will face off against archrival Stone ’14 have established themselves as one of Exeter tomorrow, adding a new chapter to the the best quarterback-running back tandems in 133-year tradition of competition. the NEPSAC League. Brandon Michel ’14 and With an undefeated 7-0 record, Andover Foot- Jake Howell ’14 have also been key contributors ball has outscored its opponents by an average of to Andover’s success, with 702 receiving yards 29 points per game this season, ten more points and seven touchdowns between them. than Exeter’s average margin of victory. The Defensive stars include Michael Moore ’14 game will also determine the NEPSAC League with 60 tackles, Matt Ilalio ’14 with 39 tackles and Champion, as Exeter, having lost only in an out- Michael DeLaus ’14 with 36 tackles. 2 : 3 0 p . m . of-league game against Avon Old Farm last Satur- Andover hopes to uphold its undefeated status day, currently has a 6-1 record. and assert its dominance in the NEPSAC League “The difference between the Andover/Ex- with a win over Exeter. Football looks to challenge Exeter’s five-year winning streak. Got Pixels? We do!

Utamur AP Figurae Modo Vol. 1 TOO DARNED LOUD!!!! November 8, 2013 Phil’s EXETER Penitentiary Exonians Unable To Classify Mascot doesn’t sit right with me and by Bridget Higgins Abe.” Experts have struggled Exeter students were to classify Exeter’s lion-drag- baffled last weekend during on-bird. Exeter graduate Dr. their Saturday double-period William Worthington Wick- Biology class. The students ham ’76, a revered local pedi- were asked to classify their atrician, Big Foot hunter and school mascot in a pop quiz Chair of the Biology Depart- dissection of the animal’s only ment, said, “I have spent most known living offspring. of my life living in the wild “I expect a high level of with Exeter’s mascot. Luckily, academic pursuit here in Prep this hasn’t been particularly bio. I have spent my entire life difficult, since most of New researching the Exeter mas- Hampshire is uninhabited cot, so I hoped my students woodland. I have tried to mir- would show some initiative ror this magical creature’s eat- and solve this mystery. They ing and living habits, but I still are the best and the brightest, have yet to determine wheth- right?” stated Chad Chad- HAROLD AND KUMAR/THE EXONIAN er he is a mammal, reptile or wick, Instructor in Biology The fear in his eyes... “Orange is the new black.” But can you name that Phillips? I bet you can’t... (It’s Sammy Jr.) bird.” and part-time taxidermist, in “This is a lot like my life’s an email to The Exonian. quest. Until recently, my hunt Chadwick’s students have Anglesh Suff Diff’rent Now for Big Foot has been eating complained to the Grade up a lot of my time. But at Monger’s Association (GMA) by Drames Janner mechanics does concern such as newspapers, and “I cannot possibly com- least Big Foot hasn’t eaten up since Saturday, however, sum educators who value towards ab-subtract ideas prehend Phillips Exeter’s anything more important like claiming that the pop quiz The English curriculum the age old lesson of com- and truuuu higher learn- goal by taking this new ap- me!” continued Wickham. was unfair. Unfortunately, in Exeter, NH has taken a ma useage and who worry ing) comes a weak after proach. My son’s work be- Exeter has recently the GMA was unavailable for knew turn this year. Accord- about the prevalence of run- current Seniors have at- fore had been nearly flaw- brought in an expert from comment, since final exams ing to the new curriculum, on sentences in the future tempted to submit they’re less, but this new focus on Phillips Academy Andover to are approaching and the staff Exonians will spend more work of these students but Common App to various, ‘feelings’ seems quite vague. classify their mascot. Sarah have a huge influx of tear- thyme on reading, thinking we will no soon enough if pretend-shush schools. I’m considering pulling him Lee ’14, already a practicing stained letters to attend to. and feeling. This change in this is a reel issue once this “We can only hope that our from the school because at doctor and published author, “It’s absurd. Saturday su- focus will result in a lack of curriculum is reevaluated at next batch of seniors flour this point I’d prefer to send stated in an email to The Ex- per-doubles are only three a tension (T) towards me- the end of this current term into this generations’ Play- him to his local high school onian, “Their mascot isn’t hours long. Perhaps I could chanics (witch they will be at Exeter. Dough,” confesses an En- rather than this supposed an actual animal. That’s why map out my DNA code in that it’s been over 200 years and leaving to the Physics De- “I’m excited,” says glish teacher who had pre- ‘premier boarding school,’” time, but classify the school no one’s figured it out. Why partment). They’re goal is 5-year Senior Roger viously devoted more time said Marjorie Stewart Bax- Mascot in Preps bio? Absurd. couldn’t they just pick some- two nurture a more sensi- Rhetorick. “Now that my too teaching the perceived ter, mother of Jakub Baxter. Absolutely absurd,” said Sir thing easy, like a blue gorilla tive student body that val- goal’s a line with those of value of mechanics. “I’m Four now, Phillips Ex- Brian Bergstein III ’17. that can walk and talk?” ues understanding over ac- the academy, I hope to pass embarrassed ” he contin- eter seams pretty keen on Winston Lincoln ’17, a dis- Head of School Lord Far- tually righting anything that English and take my talents ued, “that I had the audaci- keeping the curry-culum tant descendent of Abraham quaad IV has repeated his makes cents. to an IV League school.” Its ty to steel that witch rightly focused on feelings and hire Lincoln, said, “As my great- desires to change the school’s “Are hope is that if we clear that Exeter students belongs to the Sciences.” learning. They will force great-great-great-great-great- mascot multiple times beet this into the students due the best work and de- Four us to recognize the (F) students to think like great-great-great-great-great throughout the year. In last enough, we can brake there serve the best chance to do gravity (g, 9.8 m/s2) of this truuuu writers of eggs-and- grandfather once said, ‘Don’t week’s school-wide e mail, he inner bition of sharing feel- good in life. situation we must here what stench-al novella. Won may interfere with anything in said, “Why can’t we be just be ings,” said, Graham Marless, News of this change the parents have too say. We say that with all of these the Constitution […] It is the more like Andover?” Howev- Instructor and Chair in En- (this article is probably the asked them two send there new feelings on campus, only safeguard of our liber- er, nobody listens to him and glish. Moving away from only news as we move away thoughts and they appear ties.’ While that holds little to students are starting two has not for some time. Stu- no relevance here, I always from valuable contributions unaltered below. look like backwards leefs. dents hope experts will come like to keep some of ole Abe’s to a consensus soon and clas- mantras in my mind. But yeah, sify our dear, biologically-con- this whole classification thing Whoops fused mascot. Exeter Implements Darkness Table of like a mix between a having to be distracted by by Durham Abric pepperoni pizza and Qua- her hideous face!” simodo. And they usually Learning “experts,” As we all know, Exo- sound like Elmer Fudd. A however, have spoken out nians have long suffered really mean, condescend- against the use of Dark- from the terrible plague ing Elmer Fudd. ness tables. Some have of having to look at other To combat these fright- said that it detracts from Exonians. The “typical Ex- ening circumstances, the the learning experience onian,” of course, suffers ever-brilliant administra- as a whole since students, from terrible bouts of ugly tion here at Exeter has “will have trouble seeing after not showering for decided to tweak their tra- the board.” We Exonians days on end, poor eyesight ditional, overblown prac- disagree with this opinion from squinting at archaic tice of using the Harkness since, well, none of the ex- Russian literature, scolio- table. The new policy of perts have had to spend a sis from hours of hunching implementing Darkness class sitting across from over a computer screen tables has been received some of the most horrif- and a sense of style about with jubilation across ically ugly people in the as evolved as Fred Flint- campus. For those of you world. C.LINNAEUS-/THE EXONIAN stone’s. Overall, the av- who don’t know, the Dark- All in all, the Darkness How can they hope to classify their mascot if they can’t even read good? erage Exonian looks kind ness table is the exact tables are already a huge same as the Harkness ta- success. PEA students can Exeter to Blame 4 Common App Struggz ble, except that the class finally pick their noses, is conducted in complete pop their pimples and fo- Nobody Surprised... darkness. cus even more intensely by Melanie Oliva Exonians have been gearing British school. If I had under the Exeter sun. Ed- The Exonian got exclu- on classes. Also, students up for the college process. heard of it, it had to be per- itor in Chief of The Exo- sive interviews with some are finally free to enjoy It’s college application Obviously, we all made fect for me! nian? Sure! Proctor, Varsity of Exeter’s most articulate their secret habits such as season! Frazzled Seniors our Naviance accounts Then we made our Squash and Cum Laude So- students. Marcus Sucker- watching non-education- across the globe have been right after our first dorm Common Application ac- ciety? Of course! The same berg ’16 said, “I’m just so al movies and television. seen with coffee mugs in meetings. Looking at the counts. A couple of us made went for the “Courses” excited about these new They don’t have to worry hand, textbooks in bags Scattergrams was tough, of two or three, just to make section. There was no way tables—more excited than about being caught, and and bags under their eyes. course, since we had only sure that our essays about that we wouldn’t put down I was when Star Trek: The they don’t have to worry At Exeter, college talks be- been Preps for a few weeks. our life struggles could the highest level courses. Wrath of Khan came out! about experiencing the gan during orientation for But how hard could it really be polished just right. We Some even added twenty Now I can appreciate my worst thing about Exeter— school. From comparing be to get all As at Exeter? I filled out the “Activities” courses for the year when female companion’s bub- interacting with other Ex- legacies to finally being able couldn’t help but add every section with every lead- bly personality and cel- onians. to wear our own apparel, us Ivy, NESCAC and famous ership position available Continued elsewhere lo-playing ability without

Meanwhile... somewhere else in The Exonian... Sports! Find out what those are! H Inside News, More Ews U M O R Arts, Farts and Pleasure Exonian Commentary: WAHHHH ?? 2 COMMENTARY The Exonian November 8, 2013 Letter To The Editor o the Editor: They are the ultimate superior ly of course, it also shows that cats After having endured race, a concept that Nietzsche re- will start to take over. Tthree miserable years here, fers to as “the Übermensch.” Cats Exonians, we are now faced it goes without saying that I have have mastered what humans have with a dilemma. Either we keep spent countless hours searching for failed to accomplish—living solely struggling in conserving human- a solution to my unrelenting melan- for their passions and desires, with- ity, or accept the cats’ power. In choly. One night this term the solu- out being preoccupied by societal my opinion, all the funds that are tion came to me. The clock hand norms or peer pawressure. meow wasted on nuclear research, approached three in the morning Another key feature of this supe- environmental preservation meth- and I had yet to go to sleep. In this rior race is their intelligent and effi- ods, sustainable energy and other state of utter sleep deprivation, I cient dialect. A simple “meow” can useless matters, should be immedi- found myself seeking comfort by be a reflection of sadness or hap- ately transferred into the research cuddling with my favorite stuffed piness; and this bisyllabic sound of how to transform a human into a cat, Mittens. can express love, pity, torture and cat. I mean, if one can chose the eye Suddenly, I heard a voice. Af- sickness as well. I often find myself and hair color of her child, surely ter checking every corner and meowing if I’m at a loss for more there is a way to make that child drawer in my room, I realized that effective means of communication. into a cat!! It is no secret that every- the voice was coming from Mit- Concise and clear meowing is effi- body wants to be a cat, yet many are tens. She spoke to me of profound cient, effective and easy to learn. too afraid of their inherent inferior- worldly truths. The following letter Furthermore, cats dominate the ity to strive to become the ultimate comprises of the wisdom that Mit- fashion scene. Haven’t you noticed cat. It is time for us Exonians to em- tens shared with me: the teenage cat obsession? Statisti- brace our nature! Although we are often told that cally, every third hipster in the US As Mittens’s primary disciple, I complex problems, such as crip- has been hit by a trending virus feel it is my responsibility to spread pling sadness, do not have easy called “catomania.” Cat sweaters, this wisdom to the entire student solutions, I have to disagree. All of socks, phone cases and commer- body. Please notify all of your the sorrows of Exeter (and our so- cials surround us. friends of my solution! ciety at large) could be fixed if we As if this case needed any more -- Emmie America all simply turned into cats. proof, evolutionary studies prove P.S. Mittens, if you’re reading Cats can help any situation. They that 99 percent of all species on this, your tuna is in the pantry and can be the purfect friend, your sig- Earth eventually go extinct. Ana- the can-opener is under the bed. nificant other, a great pillow, an or- lyzing the byproducts of human Love ya kiddo! ganic vacuum cleaner or a natural activities reveals that the end of the Love ya kiddo! dishwasher; the list never ends. human race is near. Not surprising- Kai Kornegay Misanthropic Why Exonians Hate Other Some Strategic Exonians: A Case Study Last weekend, I left my dorm ony of sounds surrounding me email can go unopened. I opened on a Saturday night for the first from all sides. Though the mel- the email, and that is when the Strategems for time all year with the hope that ody did not seem familiar, there real horror set in. I had won the the Halloween Dance would be a seemed to be a definite rhythm, costume contest, despite going change from the everyday Exeter and even some words. Suddenly, as myself. Apparently, the stu- drudgery. As I left my dorm, the all of the students created a circle, dent activities coordinator was The Academy cold New England air triggered as if surrounding some spectacle. impressed by my spot on portray- In recent years, the global community has begun label- flashbacks to my Upper-Middler I heard someone yell “Oh my god al of “Grumpy Cat.” Despite the ing our beloved school as the “worse” Phillips. People state Winter, when I had to sit naked in this is my SONG,” and that’s when fact that Grumpy Cat is my spirit that Exeter cannot compete with Phillips Academy Ando- front of my open dorm window in it hit me. The sound was a song. animal, I did not dress up as it. I ver’s new policies. order to pull all-nighters. Anyway, I decided to take initia- went as myself. To counter these bold statements, we, the Exonion board, I used to type until I couldn’t tive and go into the center of the The Halloween Dance seemed have come up with a proposal for some changes on campus feel my fingers, but the last time circle to gain a closer look at the to be my chance to escape the de- to help us claim our rightful spot as the most respected I did that, all of my fingers and spectacle. My action only gar- pressing life of an Exonian. Even boarding school in the world! toes got frostbitten and I missed nered applause. without a costume, I longed for First, we want to create a judgement-free environment three days of classes while I was The applause befuddled me, the opportunity to at least see on campus. This may be difficult, but we all know that if getting my fingers amputated. as I did not think my bravery war- other people pretend to be some- Exeter is to be truly judgement free, then every last book My unforgiving teachers refused ranted such a response. Then it thing other than machines that cover on campus must be removed. That is why we pro- to show me any mercy due to Ex- hit me. I was the spectacle; they crank out papers, projects and pose the disposal of every single book cover in our library eter’s strict “no extension” rule of were waiting for someone like me tears. I was mistaken. The dance (which is sooooo much bigger than Andover’s). That way thumb. to take initiative. I tried to run out was just another chance for Ex- students will be forced to read each book non-cover to While in the line to enter the of the circle before anyone identi- eter to stomp on my dreams and non-cover before passing judgement. Top that one, Ando- dance I was squashed between fied me, but I slipped on the com- spit in my face, figuratively spit ver! a couple dressed as Miley Cyrus bination of sweat, tears and body in my face, not literally spit in my We also propose that at least once a week students should and Robin Thicke and a Prep glitter, only to land in a split. face. The clarification seems nec- be required to swap shoes with another student and walk a dressed as a hot dog salesman for I sprinted back to my dorm, all essary because one time this PG mile, or two, wearing their shoes. Don’t worry, though, this Anthony’s Weiner Stand. I tried the while replaying the sequence spit in my face when I was a Prep, does not at all mean that we’ll have to start being athletic. to force a smile when I handed of events that transpired at the but he said it was an accident. His Secondly, it is our opinion that we should build a large my Lion-Griffin-Thing-Card to dance. Then I heard the email no- friends were laughing, so I don’t student center and name it Diversity after that large wood- the unfortunate boy burdened tification on my phone. If there is know if it was really an accident, en ship from the Civil War era. People are often critical of with the task of greeting students one thing I have learned at Exeter but I digress. Anyways, this place the level of diversity at Exeter. With the construction of at the door, but I failed miserably. besides the fact that salty tears sucks and I hate everyone. the building, we shall have larger student (center) Diversi- Once inside the gymnasium, I take the bitterness out of black Kai Kornegay is an angry three- ty than any other school. froze. There was a weird cacoph- coffee late at night, it is that no year Senior from New Jersey. Lastly, the Exonian board feels that Andover’s need- blind policy has contributed to the school’s world-wide reverence. To counter this strategy, we have created a pro- posal for a need 20/20 admissions policy for Exeter to be effective immediately. This will eliminate all admissions Overheard in the Newsroom officers at Exeter with less than 20/20 vision. That way, our admissions officers will be able to see all of our applica- tions. It just seems silly that Andover would rely on such in- Homework! World of Warcraft! comprehensive, invisible admissions officers to decide who gets into the school. That explains, of course, why all of us We LOVED this. We liked it even more than shedding our uniforms were denied admission. and our strict dresscode in favor of dressing like an Andover slacker, also Oddly enough, we have already received ridicule for our known as a successful business executive. It was all great fun. If we were Oprah, these would be our favorite things. proposal. Some even have the audacity to refer to us as “idi- oms.” How offensive! We most certainly are not idioms. You don’t get into Exeter being an idiom. To that we say, haters are going to hate. All we have left to Crafts: Mine, Star and Arts say is watch the throne, Andover… watch the throne. We kind of liked this. They were alright. We can definitely agree, This editorial represents the views ofThe Exonian Editorial Board vol. I. however, that War is by far the best form of craft. Many argue, “Make The Exonian welcomes all letters to the Editor. We try to print all love, not war,” but we argue, “Craft war, don’t make war.” Everybody letters, but because of space limitations, we only accept the letters ‘x’ knows that crafting is better than making anyway. In summary, meh. and ‘g.’ We reserve the right to change the fonts of all submitted letters to conform to aesthetic standards. We will not publish any anonymous or overused letters, including (but not limited to) ‘e,’ ‘s’ and especially Fun. ‘t.’ Please submit letters by the Monday of each week to the letters@ We didn’t like this. We found their live performances to be utterly exonian.net or to our newsroom in the basement of Binary Hall. lackluster. Oh, we’re not just talking about the band; we’re talking about If you want to subscribe, have a confidential talk with a trusted adult mirth, merriment and even happiness. and reconsider your life. All contents of The Exonian copyright 2013, The Trustees of Phillips Exeter Academy, Inc. Reproduction of any material herein must be immediately reported to PEAPS and the science department because oh my god how can a newspaper reproduce???

Last week, The Exonian inadvertently published several errors. Whoops. As it turns out, pie is a food, and pi is a number. We didn’t Follow Us!!!! know about the food; we were too busy doing math. In addition, we accidentally mentioned that a student was sitting at the corner of a table. This is impossible; none of our tables have corners. Additionally, we used the oxford comma, and not the song by Vampire Weekend. All around campus—it’s not The Phillipian is better and never uses the aforementioned comma. Furthermore, we got too hopeful and misspelled “sad” as “F U N.” We also accidentally listed our head of school as the “principle.” He has creepy; you’re connected! principles, but we call him the principal, because he’s our pal. Exeter was also listed as a secondary school; we’re pretty sure we’re one of the best, most primary schools. The Exonian regrets these errers. We shall be flogged for them. InstaGrizzy, Tweeter & Faceback THE EXONIAN Give me an L! Volume l x w x h, Number 22 SPORTS DATELESS 4EVER NO MO SPROTZ Exeter Eliminates Excessive Exercise large crowds. They just By Teddy Lasry shut down—they’re under Exonian SPORTS WRITER massive amounts of stress Today is truly a momen- as is, but to keep up the tous day for the Academy: practice of making them finally, after over 200 years exercise would be merci- of debate and deliberation, less and cruel. They’re frag- Miss Fit, Director of Ath- ile creatures, you know.” letics, has finally decided Reports have also re- to abolish the athletic re- vealed that some students quirement at Exeter. have already been let off Students and coaches the hook in their sports alike have been protest- this term. In an interview, ing the minimal athletic Football Head Coach Mil- requirement since before ton Sanders disclosed anyone can remember. Leia that, “Yesee, me and these Zee ’14 said, “The idea that kids on my team—they’re we should have to partake weird, but real smart, you in a sport for one term out know, it’s all up here—we of our four years is anti- got this deal. He doesn’t quated and ignorant. We show up to class, and I get students did not come here free shares in their startup O.RKIN/THE EXONIAN to go to some kind of jock companies. They do every- These Exeter students will be sure to laugh at your jokes when no one else will. institution, and we deserve thing, all the numbers and to be heard. The peace the programing—they’ve and quiet of a dorm cell is got all formulas figured out Cricket Team Doesn’t Even Get Applause sacred, and depriving stu- in their heads. Deep, com- dents of this is immoral. To plex stuff, man—it’s all in attitude put forth by the et team, known for its col- ports it has not seen students be able to get in an efficient the triangles and whatnot. By Callum Slater student body,” Ecricket in- lection and taxonomy of in fisticuffs to this degree in night’s study, we cannot af- Anyway, they’re doing ev- Exonian SPORTS WRITER formed the Exonian. Indeed, crickets. According to the many a year. The injuries re- ford to have some prepos- erything from these sci-fi A recent ruckus in Eugene Clumsé, Director students present, one crick- ported have been numerous terous time during the day video games, to robotics George H. Love Gymnasium of Athletics, readily agreed, et player shoved another and shocking. Reader discre- set out for ‘physical educa- companies, to online role has Exeter in shambles. Last “The sport just chirps Ex- cricket collector and called tion advised: the following tion.’ It’s taking away from play chat rooms that fea- Tuesday night, a fight broke eter. People dress fancy, him a geek. The cricket col- statistic may be alarming. education if you ask me. ture eroticized turtles. out around 6 p.m. in the Love only rich people play, no one lector chirped back with, The Exeter health center es- Besides, my calculator gets What I’m thinking is it’s Gym. The source of this fight knows what on earth is go- “Look who’s calling whom timates that it has treated at lonely after too long.” a win-win for me; I get a was said to have been the ing on and everyone wears a a geek, you go to Exeter!” At least six students for stubbed “It’s honestly just sad,” couple fewer nerds on my cricket team. helmet except the guy who this point the cricket player toes, 12 for hangnails, eight said Miss Fit. “I wish we team, and, hey, one of their It all began when the Ex- seems like he needs it the decided to reason with the for bloody noses (caused by could establish a healthier freaky little internet things eter athletic committee ap- most.” Tryouts were held on cricket collector by using altitude sickness), 24 for pa- environment around here, might be the next Face- pealed to the wily and noto- Tuesday and the turnout was his words; and he hit the per cuts, three for sprained but I think it’s just too hard book.” riously smelly Exeter Cricket massive. However, some did cricket collector in the face. ankles and one boy peed for these kids. It’s beyond Primarily due to the lia- Club to add cricket to the not get what they signed up From there the madness en- himself in terror. Of these unathletic. Leaving the bility issues that have aris- spring sports list—inspired for. sued. The injured collector’s 54 injuries, the health cen- confinement of their cells en in the past few weeks, by Senior Jim N. Ecricket As students lined up for friend (another collector) hit ter claims that two were provokes a long list of fears Miss Fit finally came to his ’14, a young man from Pomp- tryouts, it became apparent the initial assailant (a crick- not self-inflicted, which and phobias. When they decision. “I basically had ous-shire England. “It was that there had been some et player) whose friends (all were the first two punch- get out there on the fields, no choice at this point. Do a perfect storm really. For confusion in the details of cricketers) started in on the es thrown. When asked his a great majority of the stu- you know how many kids a long time, I have felt that the event. Many students cricket player. The result- opinion, Headmaster Paul dent body has no way of we lose on elliptical ma- the Exeter athletic program were under the impression ing brawl was bloody and Jonfrey stated, “It was, in coping with the sunlight, chines every month? It’s has not represented the that they were trying out shameful. all aspects, a classic Exeter the open spaces and the startling.” same posh and obnoxious for Exeter’s famed crick- The health center re- fight.” Athlete of the Weak: Feebleman

By Remmel Remsford A: Who told you that!? That’s supposed Exonian SPORTS WRITER to be private. These questions seem awfully loaded against me. Scotty Feebleman ’15 is a student, a Gameboy enthusiast, a Star Wars fanfiction Q: Based on your pale complexion, it’s superstar and, by the most lenient definition clear that you spend a lot of time indoors, so of the word, an athlete. His athletic career what’s your favorite movie? began when he was forced to participate in some team sports in middle school. Though A: I... I get outside every once and he participated with the endless joy typical awhile... but probably “Moulin Rouge.” of a child, he was so miserably weak that even his own teammates would go out of Q: To be expected. their way to injure or maim him. Whether it was JV4 Soccer, Intramural Four-Square A: Is that a question? or Semi-Professional Crockett, he always managed to injure himself or someone else Q: So it says here you play are a member to the extent that he is now required by of the quidditch club, the JV Ultimate Fris- Massachusetts law to wear a helmet while bee team, the Juggling Enthusiast Society playing noncontact sports. He still keeps at and an unofficial club named “The Bocce it though. If nothing else, he is a persistent Ball Bunch.” Based on this overwhelming little bugger. We here at The Exonian are resume, my question to you is do you have a asked him the question that everyone has girlfriend? Or a best friend even? Christ, do been thinking: why don’t you just quit? you have a single friend?

Q: When did you first realize that you A: Yeah I have plenty of friends! It seems are terribly weak and will never be consid- like you are jumping to a lot of conclusions ered a real athlete? here, I haven’t even gotten a chance to talk about sports. P.ERCUSSION /THE EXONIAN This brilliant young mind avoids the dangers of concussions posed by Varsity Track! A: Wait what? That’s kinda mean don’t you think? I thought we were going to talk That was all the time we had with young about why I play sports? Feebleman, but we think it was all we need- adfadsfasdfasdfadsfasdfasdfdsafhkasdfjas dklfjkdsafaklsdfjniqoejfas- ed to get the point across. In the end, he dklfjaewiofajsd;fklewoijafds;fiajweofjasdifnaeoifnaeiofjaeojfaiso;ef- Q: Ok then, why do you play sports, de- should consider himself lucky. It was by a haesoifjaseofijaesfoi;jaioejfa;oejioafsjf;iaef jsdf9fhasiod;jae9jafi;sdfi- spite the fact everyone has begged you to slim margin that he beat out literally every stop? We have reports that your coaches and other Exeter student athlete for the title aeojfa;eifajesiof;jasoeijfa;isoefjaei;sfjiase;fjaioafjid ddfdfdfafdafadfaf even parents have offered you lump sums of Athlete of the Weak. So kudos Scotty, you kf;adlfja;iejfa;lkfjaeio;fja;lkdfjeoia;jflajif;ajlsejfial;jsieflajeifljiadf ;jffiae cash to just throw in the towel. suck.

Are YOU angstier than HAMLET and more athletic than a real, live athlete? Do you love childrens books about sports? Do you want the world to know all about both athletics and mathletics here at Exeter?? Do you know how to construct a well-formed, well-organized, clearly written, unbiased, thorough report of what happened during a game with three to four highlights or memorable moments? Then write for Exonian SPRTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 NEWS The Exonian November 8, 2013 Leeroy’s Advice Korner Exeter Screams Super Loudly; It’s Quite Irritating... Leeroy’s Advice Corner by Jake Marrus Hi, my name is Leeroy. My friends say I’m real good at giving advice he xonian is in desperate need of . “T E ” Here at Exeter, life can space fillers, so they gave me this section to give advice be tough. It can be tougher on all things xeter than the prized cut of meat E . that is the cow’s cheek. It can be tougher than nails, eople often ask me ey eeroy how do you do it or tougher than somebody P “H L , ?” tough enough to gain en- trance into Weenie Hut ll tell you how do it two puffs from my inhaler General’s. I’ I : , Students have come up a four leaf clover taped to my inner thigh and a pock- with a number of coping et size xford nglish ictionary mechanisms. For one, they - O E D . absolutely adore Citizen Cope, who, it turns out, ne guy once asked me how keep my bowl cut so tight has several songs other O I . than “Let the Drummer Kick.” In fact, there are so ood question guy he secret to a bountiful bowl cut many songs that Exonians G , . T have decided to kick that is to measure each individual hair and cut them with one. precision to the same lengths oing this will give your The latest coping . D mechanism here on the ’do that nice effortless look. Academy Plateau in Ex- eter, New Hampshire, is primal screaming. Nine- E.LOUD&I.CLOSE/THE EXONIAN Another popular inquiry I get is, “What are some ways tenths of a dentist rec- This young haberdasher demands an answer from the heavens. of making eating tofu fun?” ommends this; the other tenth was unsure if he was What is primal scream- I heard that the girl who really going fully into it. ing, you might still be ask- made it up, Orie G. Nall, is One trick that I have picked up in my many years as a What is primal scream- ing because it wasn’t just mad about the name. Ap- ing you might ask? It is Id answered? It’s an arduous, parently she named it pri- vegan is pretending that my tofu is a rocket ship and my (the Id, of course, being two-step process. First, go mal screaming because it mouth is a giant black hole. Trains are pretty cool, too. the most basic, barbaric outside. Second, scream was the first one, and not aspect of human nature). as loud as you can. But because of its barbaric na- Primal screaming releases please, no profanity. ture. Who knew? But yeah, I know what you all must be thinking at this point. more stress than popping Doctors have studied it’s good for health and a whole sheet of bubble this, in addition to the con- stuff, I guess. I don’t know, “Leeroy, how did you get to be so insightful?” wrap. Primal screaming flicted dentist, and there I’m still in high school. I has allowed the Exeter are many benefits not only probably won’t even be community to live with to the screamer, but also pre-med. I’ll probably just To that I say, “Please, you flatter me, but I am just their austere, borderline to the community. The be an English major.” your average Josephine. I put on my helmet one buckle communist, red-colored shrill noises keep students Anyway, students gloom. Seriously, it’s like awake during all-nighters across campus are cop- at a time just like everybody else.” the siege of Leningrad in or every-nighters, as we ing with their tough lives the Prep dorms. call them here. Addition- not by cooking it slowly ally, it keeps the riff-raff in in a crockpot as one must Kawledge check. Riff-raff, of course, do with cow cheek nor Students Forced to are notoriously afraid of by stubbing one’s toe and loud noises, so they run crying for only 20 min- Cont’d Interact Socially, Ew away whenever anybody utes. No, they cope by begins screaming. Scary screaming primally and by Ellie Simon est. The vast majority of After Acting Normal stuff, man. by devolving into some- Frum D1 students didn’t even con- failed so miserably, we A student health corre- thing that lived before the there was, technically, only Why would you study sider the class because it feel like there are no other spondent, Heather Heath, human race, something space for fifteen. But we had Spanish if you don’t even assigned too little home- options but making Social said, “This is really great raw, something dino-mite! to look super impressive for know how to carry a basic work. Of the 20 students Studies into a pre-requi- for the student body’s (They’re dinosaurs now.) the schools we’d be rejected conversation in English? who did sign up, five site. This is the way things bodies. They’re so frus- from in three years. What’s the use of learn- dropped it because they are going to be from now trated that they just can- The new Common App ing chemistry if you can’t said the class was “drop- on, dear Exonians, so deal not keep it in anymore, has been met with error af- use use the vocab for some dead boring,” six claimed with it. so they scream it all out. ter error. Colleges across the cheesy joke? The Exonian they thought it was a class country have had to push board has realized that teaching you how to per- back all of their early ac- the curriculum our school form normally on the ACT tions due to the errors. Some teaches won’t help our (by getting a 36 of course), even have had the audaci- students unless they can and nine simply never ty to blame it on us Exeter just understand, ya know, showed up. students. Is it our fault that basic human interactions. Apparently, the single we’re so excited to apply to Our answer is to con- remaining student in the every school? All we want vert our Social Studies class has in fact developed to do is make our parents elective options into a pre- the ability to form ques- proud, especially after we requisite for graduation. tions and make pre-script- failed to get in to any other Settling on a solu- ed jokes. This is a serious boarding school. For this tion wasn’t easy. First, improvement, considering reason, seniors and under- we wanted to open up a the fact that he could not classmen can’t help but sub- Human Interactions De- speak when he was ac- mit the Common App over partment to really focus cepted to Exeter. We can and over to their top schools. on teaching conversation- only hope that his peers “Quantity over quality” al- al skills and eye contact. will be able to understand ways makes sense! A few of However, the alumni ve- him after he develops us got emails that warned us toed this drastic change these speech abilities. to stop submitting, but our because they claimed that efforts cannot be thwarted. it was, “too different from Harvard admissions officers the Exeter we know and had to be joking when they too close to — what’s the said that they didn’t care word for it? Love?” about our rearranged sen- Instead, we Exonians tences, change of addresses have created a new class or applications at all. What called Acting Normal. a sense of humor those guys This Religion and Philos- have! But as long as we keep ophy elective offers demos having less than an hour of of real conversations, asks homework here, I know that interactive questions, and I will never stop editing my tests students’ ability to Common App. Sorry to all cooperate. the other kids in the coun- Originally, the main try, but us Exeter kids know problem with this elec- that we matter most! tive was the lack of inter-

Don’t Make People Say “Ews.” Write for News! November 8, 2013 The Exonian NEWS 5 Econ Transitions All Skool Foto Fun Into Home-Econ by Carolyn Zhao course allow Exeter students to express their complete Due to overwhelming de- acceptance of defeat, but it mand from the student body, would also “spare hapless Red Meat Cookery has been students from discovering introduced into the Exeter that we’re pretty much as 2013-14 Course Catalog, re- good as dead when it comes placing macro, micro and reg- to facing Andover.” ular sized Economics classes. The course instructor While new electives are usu- has already confirmed that ally offered at the start of a grading will be based on the new school year, students de- preparation of fine red meat cided to drop their econom- dishes, which include but ics texts and pick up their are not limited to: beef stew, home-economics aprons! bourguignon, meatloaf, paté, The absurd hooplah was su- pot roast and a variety of meat per duper super hoopla-y, dishes from other cultures and the new cookery course such as Thai beef satay and was made available within shish kebabs. the week. Selected students who Meant to reflect rival An- have utterly resigned them- dover’s ‘Red Meat’ cheer, the selves to Exeter’s complete course instructs students on inferiority will be allowed S.DIEKEMA/THE EXONIAN the preparation of various red to prepare more elaborate Look how much fun we have! Our school’s fun! We’re more fun than Andover! WOOOOOOOHHHH!!!! meat dishes in order to cater dishes such as Osso Buco and to the tastes of Andover stu- peppercorn steak. For the fi- dents. “We may be red, raw nal exam, courses of red meat and dead meat, but we’re not will be prepared on the spot Betrayal of the Week going to let those Andover at sports games. Students will guys pick their own cuts,” be graded on the number of said the course instructor, Andover students that show sporting a shirt emblazoned interest in eating their dish. with a picture of a giant steak. For Exeter students, the “They’re not having the meat resignation that has long raw; we’re preparing it our- simmered under the thin ve- selves.” neer of school pride finally “We lose every single erupted with the introduc- time, so we might as well go tion of this red meat cookery out with some dignity,” he class. Around campus, the added. reaction to the new class has The idea of a cookery been exceptionally positive. course came to fruition when “It’s great because we get a the current course instructor two-for-one deal,” explained observed a multitude of dis- an advanced cookery stu- illusioned Exeter students dent, alternately swirling his whimpering in the aftermath beef stroganoff and penning of the regular Andover-Ex- PLEASE BUTCHER US in eter decimation. According flowing script onto a near- to the instructor, “[The Preps] by banner. “We learn how to were obviously deluded into prepare food and the Smurfs thinking that Exeter was bet- get to eat cooked meat instead ter than Andover.” The in- of raw meat, which is much structor stated that not only better for their health.” would the Red Meat Cookery B..ARNOLD/THE EXONIAN Treason at The Exonian!! ...and on the throne, nonetheless!!!!!! Confused Exeter Searches for Youth from Every Nickel by Jenny Wang from Every Quarter,” the enlightening journey that Exeter”. Some were iden- Symptoms include a lack of the foolishness of its ways, Exonians have substituted inspired “Youth from Every tified this past September, emotion, a weird obsession but so far, nothing has hap- As of last summer, Ex- quarters for nickels, because Nickel” will be revealed on glued to the seats around a with the Harkness Table pened. It’s only a matter of eter has begun its hunt for who wouldn’t want more? the talk show, scheduled for Harkness table with blood- and constant episodes of time, however, before this Youth from Every Nickel. Norbert Lews ’13, a top Monday. shot eyes. frantic eyeball twitching. turns into a full blown feud, Taking a brilliant spin on math student, came up with “There are only four An admission officer However, dismissing right? I mean, how can they Phillips Academy Andover’s this idea during his “History quarters in a dollar, while was discovered hiding be- this trivial speed bump, the just let us one-up them like mundane motto “Youth of Accounting” elective. His there are 20 nickels in dol- hind a bush by a middle Exeter students are finally this? They seem to think lar. Why have four, when school to stalk some more embracing this new nick- we’re being too literal, but you can have 20?” asked prey to enroll at Exeter, say- el lifestyle. At the recent we think that they’re just Lews. ing, “I feel bad for Andover. all school meeting, the ad- not literate. Hopefully we’ll Recent incident reports There are just so many nick- missions officers sprinkled get a feud. Wait! Now, I just note that school admission els compared to quarters!” about a dozen buckets of heard something, I think officers were spotted stroll- He giggled and tossed aside nickels onto the students’ there’s a feud! ing the streets of Vanuatu, his last nickels of the day. heads in celebration of the Yes, this grueling feud Abuja and Suva with jars of The children were tak- arrival of the new interna- between Exeter and An- nickels. In those places, they en in by the police this past tional students. The occa- dover was ended by Mid- would throw out a hand- Sunday. When taken to the sional student fainted from dlesex, who came in last ful of nickels and interview clinic to be examined, the head injury, but they were Monday with a new motto: each kid that took a nickel. doctors found nickels hid- woken up to piles of glit- “Youth from Every Penny.” The children are last seen den inside the children’s tering nickels and tables of Sources say that Lews’s twin climbing into a bright red lips. This may have been apology food. brother, Eugene Lews ’13, VolksWagon Beetle car with the cause of the disease We here at Exeter hope was the mastermind behind the bumper sticker, “I <3 outbreak, called “Exeteria”. Andover will soon realize this new and hip phrase. 6 ARTS OR LEISURE The Exonian November 8, 2013 Leisure: What is it?? The Exonian Divestigates First, a Brief Disclaimer

We are printing the following section because that’s what the world expects from us. Here at Exeter, we’re all about meeting expectations and not exceed- ing them in any way, shape or form. We honestly just want to fit in. We live in a world where being an indi- vidual is frowned upon, and we always fail to rhyme as we tell individualistic students, “Turn that smile into denial!” Thus, we are compelled by our passion for blandness to fit in as best as possible, so we must publish a leisure section to go with our farts. Before we get too far into this, we would like the reader to know that Exeter students don’t encourage a leisure section as leisure takes away from studying, so instead, we’ll cover this with pin-up pictures of really good lookin GALS. GALS, of course, is an ac- ronym for General Algebraic Logarithmic System, the latest product from Texas Instruments that we’re just loving. But first, a word of caution. A friend of a friend of a friend of the online advertising associate for The Exonian once attempted to watch a movie. As the film got heated, he began to have a tingling sensa- tion in his brain that he had only felt twice before: when he used an epi pen recreationally and when he cheated on the SAT. That’s right, he was feeling raw, unadulterated adrenaline. Adrenaline, it turns out, is not conducive to studying. Instead, it’s conducive to L.AZYBONES/THE EXONIAN These brigands are in the midst of committing the heinous act of “leisure.” We’re disgusted. Gross. Seriously. Gross. lots of yelling, jumping, screaming and excitement. Go ahead, read that list again. Ask yourself, are any of those things studying? No, they’re not. We really need to set the record straight, because How To Have Less Fun, A Guide we’re under the impression that “The Record,” one of our rival school Andover’s myriad magazines, is school crest even bears rithm, Musical Calcu- more more…ONE! starting to lean a little too far to the left, and they by Callum Slater the Latin scripture, Poopi, lators, Violin Practice, Students and faculty need to be straightened out back to the middle along Pervirt, Pompus, which as Ring-Around-the-Robot- alike are excited about with Malcolm. We’re going to grease up our elbows Looking for something we all know translates di- ics-Building, Duck Duck the new opportunities on as we get into the thick of things here and introduce to do in the 12 hours you rectly to, “Who Flatulat- Identify that Extinct campus. One Prep said, some austerity measures after we have Mass Institut- have between the end of ed?” It is imperative that Species and the timeless “When I was rejected by ed some Technology. Saturday classes and the the students grasp this classic, Rocks-Paper-Scis- Andover, I knew I wanted The new rules for Exeter leisure shall be more start of your homework message and stop having sors-Use-Only-These- to go to a school where all restrictive than your Senior stack house counselor, on Sunday? Try more fun.” Materials-to-Build-a- I did was work. L.A.M.E. more severe than your English teacher from Prep studying!!! In response to this, Model-of-an-Airplane.” has reminded the school Fall and tight enough to produce diamonds. There New studies show students and faculty have L.A.M.E. has even of those values.” shall be no video games, no music, no movies, no so- that students’ fun levels formed a coalition called created some fun chants A teacher was also cialization and for sure no lounging. Lounging is the are at a record high. Stu- L.A.M.E., which is short to represent Exeter at overheard saying, “Any- devil. If there are two things we hate, it’s lounging dents have been reported for Learners Against their fabulous displays thing that makes you and carousing. playing video games and Mirth and Enjoyment (or of un-athleticism. Some smile is procrastination, How can we prevent students from lounging and watching movies, and one anything except home- include: “Pi-r2-cosine- and we have no place carousing? We can because this is a world with rules. brave female was even work). “The goal of the sine-3.14159 Goooo Ex- for that here.” Indeed, it If you don’t want rules, you can make like our foot- spotted talking to a boy coalition is to provide eter!!!” And the timeless seems the elimination of ball team and get out of here. Or, you can leave calmly last week. A real, live boy. productive alternatives to classic: “One: we are the fun from the Exeter cam- and peacefully, like any hope we once had of having A great deal of students what is already a far too big red! Two: square root pus will provide students a nice time. Anyway, here are some more wholesome are concerned about this long weekend,” says its of nine is Three: four with the right state of an ways students can spend more of their leisure time. rise in “fun.” president Doya Humwerk cubed is sixty-four more Exonian mind. “It just seems like ’14. some people are forget- “Options include but ting why they are here,” are not limited to: doing said Virginia Reever ’16. homework, doing SAT “I have enough fun doing prep, taking the SAT, tak- homework. I don’t see ing the ACT, taking the why you would need to SSAT (for fun!), taking waste focus on something the MCATS (for aspir- else.” ing medical students), Even the faculty seem and taking the bar exam, uncomfortable with this but it doesn’t stop there. rise in fun. Head of School L.A.M.E. recognizes that Hugh G. Loosa said, “This productive fun is import- school was founded on the ant, so they created fun principles of less fun and study games like Pin the more misery. Why, our Exponent on the Loga- The Secret Challenge of Exeter: Evasion of Ppl have been known to sneak by Durham A Brick through the woods on their way to class just to avoid their peers. Natu- Exeter has long been rally the classes with the regarded as one of the least number of students most difficult second- in them have have become ary schools in the entire the most popular, but not world. Classes are tough, because of the stellar fac- that’s a given, but the ulty to student ratio. It’s hardest part of the average because they provide Ex- Exonian’s day is always eter students with yet an- the free time. other reason to partake in Harding Vorker ’14 told their favorite activity: tak- B.FISHER/THE EXONIAN The Exonian, “Yeah, Calc ing difficult courses! Can you see them? Don’t feel bad. They’ve had four years of practice avoiding social interactions of any sort. 975 is difficult, if you’re The only thing worse “First I have to walk by fect of his shuddering. craft Club, both of which “This stinx man. I thought a nerd, but the hardest than talking to your girls and they cover me Exeter students, har- convene annually at the there would be way more part of my day is always “friends” at Exeter is the with cooties! Gross! So nessing their perfectionist local Anime Festival. And homework. What else am I my lunch period. There terribly frightening activ- then I have to shower to personalities, have com- even the attendance at this supposed to do on a Satur- is literally no way for me ity of talking to the oppo- get all that stuff off of me, pletely refined their abil- event has declined these day night?” not to see people. I’ve just site gender. Unfortunately, and most of the time I see ity to avoid people. The past few years. Only time will tell stopped going to lunch whoever planned out the some of the other guys in campus looks like a ghost Some students are be- whether administration and instead keep on order- athletic center had the the shower. Thank the town at all hours of the ginning to question their will come out of hiding to ing food to my dorm. Is it audacity to place both the Lord that I’ve perfect- day, and all days of the entire decision to attend answer the call for more getting expensive? Yes. Is male and female locker ed my ‘avoiding eye con- week (except during sum- Exeter, saying things like: coursework, or if they it worth it? Totally.” rooms right next to each tact’ blank stare. And, as mer; the summer session “Why did I even come will merely continue their This pattern of avoid- other. if things couldn’t get any kids haven’t been broken here? I thought I would get habit of staying home and ing others has turned “Getting to football is worse, I have to go, like, yet). The only reason peo- to use the Astronomy Cen- re-reading dictionaries. Exeter into the playing terrible!” texted one Ex- touch some of the other ple leave their dorms on ter 24/7. Now I just hide Our bet is on the second pitch for an excruciating- eter athlete, a convenient guys during practice.” He the weekends is for the under my sheets and play option. ly large-scale match of form of communication then texted several ran- Exeter Runecraft Club & Dungeons and Dragons.” hide and seek. Students to avoid human contact. dom numbers, a side-ef- the Exeter World of War- Another student also said, November 8, 2013 The Exonian ARTS OR LEISURE? 7 Weeknd Arts: Visual, Performing & Liberal Writing Senior Recital: Is a Pies and Pi, at Craft, The Same Time

Although his perfor- Right? by James Flynn mance was magnificent, no one would have expected This is an arts article. The day before yesterday such a feat of memorization Carles mumblecore raw marked the start of every Ex- and mastery from him during denim small batch, stump- onian’s favorite time of year: his Prep year here. When he town Wes Anderson occu- recital week. The week was matriculated to Exeter, Ted py biodiesel. Beard Intelli- kicked off with the music re- had already committed to gentsia pour-over occupy citals, followed by the Shake- Harvard University Honors before they sold out. +1 you speare recitals. These recitals, College for Hokey Pokey and probably haven’t heard of however, were just the appe- Hockey, an astonishing two- them Pinterest art party tizers and main courses for sport athlete. Obviously, the tweed. Chia small batch the dessert of recital week: students here made fun of jean shorts, Terry Richard- the recital of pi. him immediately when they son lo-fi literally iPhone One honored member of found out he preferred sports pop-up. DIY quinoa Truf- the Senior class has been cho- over “Star Trek.” Ted was faut Neutra American Ap- sen to recite pi for the last 50 so out of place at one of the parel. Truffaut Pinterest years after the entire class of monthly “Star Trek” dances Godard deep v cardigan, ’63 threatened to drop out. Al- that the chess club pelted him flannel post-ironic raw den- though there were ten other with a barrage of eggs. He fled im hashtag kogi yr Carles performances students could in shame and hung up his left Intelligentsia selvage Echo have gone to yesterday, 894 foot and skates for good. Park. Butcher kale chips attendees came to see the leg- Bursting through the li- seitan sustainable cliche endary Ted Jones. brary doors, Ted found the Neutra fanny pack.This is Ted’s routine in the morn- first 100 digits of pi scrawled an arts article. ing before his recital starts by on the bathroom wall next to This is an arts article. going a step further than eat- “here I sit, broken hearted…” Deep v jean shorts sel- ing raw eggs: he eats a live hen a commonplace occurrence vage you probably haven’t because that’s just way more here at Exeter. This moment heard of them, mumblecore A.RISTOTLE/THE EXONIAN efficient. His roommate finds was when Ted knew exactly mumblecore 8-bit Banksy This Senior gives Pi his own flavor. the process disturbing, yet what he must do. aesthetic gentrify. Tat- oddly comforting. Ted then Although Ted was voted tooed fap brunch, Pinterest tooed, pop-up selfies sri- core. Yr banjo paleo Odd im chillwave flexitarian bathes himself in olive oil, like the best looking man at Ex- post-ironic Truffaut fashion racha 8-bit sustainable Future, irony locavore Etsy roof party single-origin those Greeks who discovered eter, he attributed his track axe XOXO meh Carles chia kitsch XOXO ugh. Tattooed bitters Tonx typewriter ret- coffee Helvetica. Sartori- both pi and pie, and gargles record of zero girlfriends to selvage wayfarers. Pour- Shoreditch occupy skate- ro mumblecore vegan Port- al scenester photo booth for exactly 30 minutes. While his dedication to pi. Every over quinoa polaroid fin- board paleo. Cliche banh land actually. This is an arts ennui. Austin Pinterest screaming in Russian at his year women flock to him in gerstache gluten-free viral mi slow-carb, ethical +1 article. Carles stumptown ready- pet fish, he does as few push- hopes of romance, yet he has literally Shoreditch beard viral Cosby sweater dis- This is an arts article. made. Twee church-key ups as possible; after all, his ignored every one of them. He freegan. Aesthetic tofu tillery. Post-ironic Echo Ethical Neutra banh mi, squid next level keffiyeh body is still developing. He literally has not talked to one readymade, XOXO Brook- Park ethnic, pug typewrit- pug cray +1 kale chips mix- typewriter. This is an arts then walks to class, memoriz- girl since he set his unattain- lyn cliche Echo Park. Eth- er readymade fanny pack tape butcher. Put a bird on article. ing new digits on the way. able goal to learn every single nic twee biodiesel hashtag single-origin coffee what- it chambray Shoreditch This is an arts article. His performance turned digit of pi. Odd Future Schlitz. Wolf yr ever butcher Vice. Street deep v, mixtape banjo ennui Carles mumblecore raw out exactly how people imag- When not memorizing flexitarian direct trade free- art stumptown distillery farm-to-table fap chillwave denim small batch, stump- ined. The night opened with pi, Ted can be found watch- gan. Meggings cred finger- typewriter, hashtag leg- Truffaut. Dreamcatcher town Wes Anderson occu- several boring recitations of i ing “Star Trek” and collecting stache before they sold out. gings slow-carb meh bitters Vice distillery, Tonx be- py biodiesel. Beard Intelli- and e, but only recitations of “Batman” and “Superman” This is an arts article. flexitarian banh mi mlkshk spoke Brooklyn Austin lit- gentsia pour-over occupy c put audience members to comics. So far, he has memo- This is still an arts ar- American Apparel forage. erally actually stumptown before they sold out. +1 you sleep. People started to leave rized every line in the entire ticle. Locavore Tonx tat- Pug chia bitters mumble- wayfarers. Vegan raw den- probably haven’t heard of until they heard the announc- first season of “Star Trek.” er call the legend’s name; Ted This has helped Ted fit in bet- was up. His eloquent voice ter with his fellow Exonians. An Inside Look at a Lesser flawlessly delivering the His memorization habits, numbers brought tears to the however, do not extend to audience’s eyes. Girls started comics; he simply collects Gallery than The Addison screaming out his name and them in their original pack- swooning, and the people aging. previously asleep were now We look forward to next drooling in pleasure from year, when Ted will attempt by Karissa Kang The introductory stu- awkward because the only of mingling, students will the beauty entering their a talk where he names every dent art gallery has been thing I really want to talk most likely be exchanging ears. The school even hired a variety of pie recognized by This weekend, The the talk of Exeter campus about is math, and what if sullen glances before pro- pimp to pimp up all the drool the Exonian Pie Association Lamont Gallery of Art is for a long time now. Rich- the other person isn’t in ceeding to return to their because there was way too (the EPA). proud to present two new ard Patel ’14 said, “It’s the my math class?” Instead dorms, alone, of course. much for an ordinary pump. exhibits. One is a water- only thing that’s been on color painting by phys- my calendar for a long ics teacher Dr. Bo Ring, time, and I’m definitely and the other an intro- not going to miss it.” Oth- ductory student art gal- er students made similar lery. Students all around comments. Soh-young campus are buzzing with Kim ’17 stated, “Most excitement for these nights, all I have to look two long-awaited instal- forward to is studying, lations. Jennifer Jenner so it’s nice to have some- ’16 said excitedly, “I took thing cool and exciting Physics 900 with Dr. Ring like the new student art my first year here, and exhibition!” I never knew he could Pieces in the intro art paint!” exhibition will include Dr. Ring took up paint- “Tao” by Andy Greenberg ing last spring and enjoys ’17, “Papers in an Orderly talking about his pas- Pile” by Sara Singh ’17 and sion, “I don’t actually like “Practicing the Violin” by painting that much. I do Jane Janington ’17. it sometimes, but mostly After the exhibits, because no other faculty there will be no refresh- member wants to be in the ments or reception be- faculty exhibition.” Even cause after the last recep- though he continuous- tion for the Science is Art ly contradicted himself exhibit last spring, many throughout the interview, students have expressed Dr. Ring is known for his that they would rather be dry sense of humor. Dr. doing homework or mem- Ring is beloved by his orizing digits of Pi in their students at PEA because rooms than socializing of the particularly large with other students. Also, amounts of homework he the school would much assigns. “I have Dr. Ring, rather hoard the money so I never have to worry that could be spent on re- about things like talking freshments so that they to people or having fun can buy an even fancier because I always have lots library. Really, the library and lots of homework to just isn’t fancy enough. do! But then again, home- Commenting on his work is the best kind of fear of catered receptions fun,” commented Jack and small-talk, Jonathan Y.OSEMITE/THE EXONIAN Huntington ’14. Richardson ’15 said, “It’s Eugene tries his hand at a mimetic representation of this bucolic scene. And fails. 8 STATE OF THE ACADEMY The Exonian November 8, 2013 New Hampshire: 1 lim 1 = ∞ lim = ∞ x > ∞ x x > ∞ x 1 The Statelim of= ∞ the Academy How Exeter Students Howx Exeter > ∞ Studentsx Exeter’s View Exeter’s View Spend Their Free Time Exonians, you have disappointedSpend Theirus. We would Free say Time that we ex- pected more from you, but, as our beloved Professor Umbridge on Couples would say, “I shall noton tell Coupleslies.” We knew you would leave the Academy in this miserably sad state (see header),Crying but we never How Exeter Students Crying anticipated the new dimensions of despair lim 1 Wahhh Exeter’s View within the human experience that you Wahhhall =Spend ∞ Their Free Time have collectively revealed to us. Maybe Sabotagingx > ∞ Each x Sabotaging Each it is Admissions’ fault for scraping the Others Studying Ya! on Couples Others Studying admission pool for Andover’s reject- ees, maybe it’s the Athletic Depart- Ya!Wishing ment’s fault for utterly failing to Crying Ew. Wishing build character or foster team- How Exeter Students Wahhh work within the student body, Ew.General Exeter’s View or maybe it is John Phillips’s Anger Spend TheirU Wish Free Time General fault for being one of the first Sabotaging Each Anger great American copy-cats. Fetal Other’s Studying on Couples Regardless, it is really sad be- U WishPositioning Ya! cause we know we, your Ex- Fetal onian Editors, can’t do any- Crying Positioning thing about it. All the crying, Wishing Wahhh all the whining, all the des- Ew. perate studying—it is almost as if you have forgotten to live! General Sabotaging Each Get up, take some non-drowsy Anger Others Studying Ya! Claritin and smell the roses you U Wish 1 pathetic infants. Let this oh so sad lim = ∞ state of your beloved academy, if Fetal Wishing x > ∞ x we can even call it an academy at this Positioning point, implore you toCourses just, you know, for do Mass Sadness Self Description Ew. better. Sincerely, The ExonianQuotes Editorial about Board Massvol. 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