Pravda West IHE NEW WEEKLY NEWSPAPER MADE BY AND FOR THE STUDEHIS OF WILFRID lAURIER UNIVERSITY VOLUME I, ISSUE I THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 28,1991 FRH! MT,FIGHT UPALLISONWITHOUT A GAVE I ? : ; . STORY: PAGE 3 2 PRflVDfl WEST: ADVERTISEMENT novenbS^VSl v\ r~\ n n n n S JDENTS'UNION V ~ I - 3rd floor, Student Union BiMonto ODWS^jrisgsas g* m fu l | /fc©} /VJ?" 1 SAINT „ yf®fV • : SEE! I NICK! tLimpLui Wm- mMoM'«l!Li¥ Ho! Ho! Ho! *«** 3L Ws^SwmmmM& & December X Kin the Concourse. — A? xxsoo * 2*oo FREE ADMISSION Sundoy. l>e«. 1 I Cartoons start at 7:00pm! I November 29th 1:00pm 0,16 COV6r ° 112 oor ' e * <( ''->- o nc term STRESS hitting you? VJ# Need someone to talk " s uden Help Novomter3o,l99l c^\ i PEER - ■UitMl Open 7pm 11pm _ 112 OUmt t Seven days a week 9ioopn FRCC b«for« Confidential and anonynous listening by student SPORTS WEDID IT! Laurier wins the Vanier Cup! by Trapper McGhee Pravda West Sports game was to be held this Saturday at the SkyDome in Toronto. With the forfeit, Vanier Cup organizers are scrounging for a replacement In a move unheard of before in Canadian varsity sports, the Mt. match. Allison Mounties have conceded the 1991 Vanier Cup to the WLU "We tried to get the Argos, but they said it was too much of an un- Golden Hawks, giving up without a fight. certainty who would win," said SkyDome manager Roger Heigh- Last night in a press conference Willy Smythe, the head coach of pryce. "Just coming off that Grey Cup thing they didn't want to risk the Mounties made the unexpected announcement of the forfeit. getting smoked by Laurier." "We took a look at things and just decided to screw it I mean, When the news of all this reached WLU head coach Rich Lowen- what's the point of flying all the way to Toronto when we're just brau, the proud West Virginian said, "Ha! They think they're going to going to get smoked anyway," said Smythe to a crowd of stunned get off that easy? Well forget it. We're going to Toronto, we'll be at reporters. the Dome, and we're going to thrash whoever dares stick their pencil The crowd seemed anxious for some real reasons for the forfeit, necks out there with us." which Smythe grudgingly supplied after the reporters refused to let When asked about why Laurier would even bother showing up him leave the room. now, Lowenbrau cupped his hand over the microphone and "OK," said Smythe, wriggling free from the full nelson, "take a whispered conspiratorily, "Look, man. I got about fifty really big look at the Laurier team. You've got that Andy guy...how old is he? I guys looking forward to a game in the SkyDome. Do you want to be mean, how can my young nineteen, twenty-year-olds compete with the one to tell them they don't get to play? I've been feeding these an old-timer like him? And Bill whatshisname...come on people. Get guys raw dog meat for crying out loud!" real. We just wanted to save ourselves a thrashing. SkyDome officials have confirmed Lowenbrau's brag. This Satur- "And have you seen those Laurier guys?! They've got armadilloes day at the Dome the Laurier Football Hawks will take on all comers in their trousers!" - winner take all, for the Vanier Cup. That's 3:00 pm, you bring your The Vanier Cup, the Canadian university championship football own stretcher. VANIER TRAGEDY by Morty Schenn Pravda West Sports time. the game rushed to Toronto Well, at the Vanier Cup, Bisci him General Hospital, but it was too On Saturday November 30, did just that. While his teammates late. Bisci was pronounced dead 1991, the Wilfrid Laurier Golden were busy hugging each other in on arrival. Hawks won their first ever Vanier delirium, Tim lay motionless on As can be expected, the team Cup with a devastating 37-3 vic- his back for what seemed like an was shattered. Tears of joy turned tory over the Mt. Allison eternity. When a few Hawk to tears of sorrow, as fellow Mounties (we should never have players noticed his predicament, Golden Hawk players couldn't doubted you Lean's, you they shrugged it off, figuring he Mac believe what had happened. were right!). Unfortunately, the was just doing an extended dance Their captain and close friend had game will also be to celebrate the big How- remembered win. perished, and they immediately for a tragic event that over- ever, when the players went to dedicated the game to their fallen shadowed the big win. Bisci, shake hands with the opposition, Tim comrade. A few days later, after a fifth year defensive back and as is customary after every game, everything had set in, the players one of the Hawk captains, suf- Bisci was still lying on the turf. A and coaching staff decided it fered a heart attack and died at few of ap- the Mountie players would be appropriate that Tim's the end of the game. off, peared ticked figuring Bisci funeral procession pass Caught up through 10 the excitement of Excuses in was exhibiting a severe case of the campus. As teammate Andy by Jack S. Preppie down on everybody else. the Laurier victory, the culmina- rubbing it in. "Get up you Cecchini recalled how one of his Pravda West Sports 5. Didn't want to choke front tion of five years of hard work A in f#@% & a#%s&*, or I'll put close friend's desires was to apparently got the best of the ex- be of the whole country. you there for good" screamed a buried on the citable Bisci. Known for his practice field, a mo- 10.No valet parking at Skydome. 4. Thought Yates Cup was only massive Mt. Allison player in tion was passed to dig colourful intensity, Bisci was also up a corner 9. No snowballs for fans to an exhibition game. Bisci's direction. However, his of the field near Willison Hall throw at opposing cheer 3. Were "Suckin' back on too the inventor of the "Heart Attack threat went Dance", unnoticed, and the and fulfill one of Tim's final leaders. many Goldcns" the night be a unique football player's actions be celebration wouldn't desires. Also, a motion was 8. "Free blow-job if you win" fore. that he exhibited after necessary as Bisci had indeed each passed to rename the Athletic promotion not available at 2. WESTERN SUCKS!!!! big play. After a touchdown, seen his final day. Finally, fellow Complex the Tim Bisci Memorial residence this year. 1. Got their asses kicked at home interception or at the end of a big defensive backs Greg Knox and win, Building, to honour an individual 7. No Perrier and escargots by a better prepared and su Bisci would clutch his chest, Lonnie Taylor went to check on stagger who spent much of his time at served at Skydome perior Laurier Golden Hawk uncontrollably for a few Tim's condition, and frantically steps, Laurier in that particular building. McDonald's. team that would go on to win and then fall flat on his called over the trainers and team back Goodbye Tim, and thanks for all 6. Fans couldn't get 500 level the 1991 Vanier Cup. as if keeling over for the last doctor. ambulance An that was at the memories! seats so they could look YEAH!!! 4 PRfUVDff WEST: SPORTS NOVEMBB^^ISSi Sports books for Christmas "FIRST DOWN AND FIVE TO Kubas sportswriters, who rate the 100 Super Bowl and Leon By McQuay's S. Anne Taklaucz - GO" the two star quarterbacks give biggest screw-ups in the history fumble in the 1971 Grey Cup Pravda West Sports readers first-hand experience as of team sports - also includes Western's 1991 - by Rick Zmich,Laurier to how to take full advantage of - the list includes Bill Buckner's loss to Laurier, Western's 1990 As everyone is well aware, assistant football coach and offensive co- Workmen's Compensation insur- botched grounder in the 1986 loss to St. Mary's, Western's Christmas is fast approaching us ordinator ance money by injuring them- World Series, Scott Norwood's 1986 loss to ÜBC, Western's for another year. It is a time of - this book is a unique guide to selves either on the job or at missed field goal in last year's 1984 loss to Guelph, etc... warmth, compassion and giving; home a time of year us forget our proper post-game football con- all of - descriptive "how-to" guides to daily problems and revel in the versation and viewing of game films, shoulder separation while on the spirit of the holidays. It is also a with the aid of your assembly line, driving a truck, time of year when retailers make favourite six-pack (in this case, mowing the lawn, etc... their biggest sales, and the rest of Golden is of course the favourite us agonize over what to get loved brand!) - a must aspiring "Always /n Style Snow for athletes Bowl ones for the holidays. If you are pro Decent by Crotch my head is clear and I'll play the whose declining ability will force (hindsight Is Valuable)" having problems deciding what to Pravda West Sports best I can." Raghib "Rocket" Is- buy for Christmas, I have a half- them to look for a different mail was a little less than profession - fully dozen suggestions that would be the second authorized Well kids there it was, Grey enthusiastic about the weather autobiography, this one from Los ideal gifts for the regular sports Cup 91.