IN DEFENCE OF.

'•/f ••••••• ., • •; ••.,,'\--^•k;-%';/?.r4,f5iVT"^;:;5-'t\ OR "POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE' of insanity What could our intrepid heroes do but risk life or Gympie, whichever came first. Two Semper and sanity (you have precious little left when orv 11^ pinea Editors, Dave and Cam who for 36 hours straight you're a Semper Editor) and drive all the way worked desperately to keep alive the faint heart to Gympie to get it printed. After substituting beat that was the last edition of Semper. all the blood in their bodies with caffeine they were now prepared to take on one ofthe most This is their story; boring and dangerous stretches of highway in Queensland, Needless to say they made it back With it lying limp and prostrate across the alive (the sanity bit's another question entirely) layout table, Dave and Cam held out little hope Oh! yeh and with some lovely holiday snaps for the latest edition of Semper making from along the way. See there was a point to DEADLiflE. With various computer glitches it after all. Well then again maybe not. and with 4.30 am rapidly approaching - the time when the last courier left for Gympie, they Roll the credits: remained brave in the fate of such adversity. But with the rising sun, their hopes were sunk To Mary Thorpe (Our beloved treasurer): Thank­ and the courier missed. What were they to do you foryour caring memo and in showing your now? What chance did they have of getting deep concem and understanding. To all the execs the edition out on time? More importantly we still love youse all. And to all the staff in the would they find anyone (i) with a car, and (ii) Union who we actually did send postcards to: stupid enough to drive them all the way to We really mean it when we say "We love you!!" Gympie and back at 7.00 am in the moming. A bit pointless really since we arrived back before Well the answer's obviously no, silly! they did. But it's the thought that counts. Running Time: 36 hours/BlacIc & White

"This 1i\rn ft"»ay fiavo iX f^iirly odkilt thomo. It iT»«y have some sconos of SOX cyr SiJitaksIci only for porsons of violoncG or somo T5 yoafsi f»nci ovGf t>rxct InnQuuQo. NcH to t)U Sijpplit-J ;o »rty OOrsor> bClQw th.tt .nqc Oir1SA 0 7-^727 CONTENTS .^.THIS PAGE .^.THE OPPOSITE PAGE ^.... JUST HANGIN' ABOUT ,^«..„. "VOICES FROIVI THE FOREST" .^..BOUGAINVILLE .^.....GENERATION X .^ .. EXAIVIS ..«„EUGENE .^.BABY PHOTOS ..^.. TIANANlvlEN ^, RELATIONSHIPS ARE A WASTE OF TIIVIE ,^.. THE ANGSTY PAGE ,.,=. A SHORT STORY .^,.....,HOV/ NOT TO GET BUSTED «.^ CLUBS <& SOCS «,^,]VIARCUS ON TV .^^ICURT COBAIN POET OF PAIN ..^,.., LIFE'S PRETTY BENT REALLY .^«.... COLLEGES ._«...vFACULTY TOWERS: LIFE OF BRIAN ,»-.-,..-cv„.,^,.^^ACTIVITIES ^ ..STAN AND LEONARD ,^».VIEV/S OF THE WORLD .^^WHAT APRANKER! .^.. HITCHIICING THE END OF THE ROAD ,^.,.. LEGAL EAGLES ^«.,.. THE UNION PAGES ,^«C00K:ING .^..COIVIEDY, „ REVIEWS * REVIEWS * REVIEWS ,^v. QUAFF .^^SPORT .^v.SCHONELL.^«A!V[ERICAN PIE . The technicalbits : Size; 60 pages. Ediiocx Dare "Digger" Bolion, Stephen "Ijooking Uiiwigh the keyhole with his oOicr eye but aill can'l sec the li&'u" D-ann, GimciOT "ta so fucking self justified" Wild. Proofreading: David Bolton and DizabclhGcoipadc&(SoblanKlhcn,O.K.)Uy-ab«lAitisi: Lindsay "I kjvedi^^ Typesetter AAtaraic "Gone lo lhe Ouixr Bond IMnlerGynpcTimes Pty Li4 Gympie I^^ (When: else) PuWishcn Murray Whal? Union Presidem.ConlnTxiici«s aixiConspiralore (Setnper 3): Anissa Norton, Stephen Goodwin, Arthur''^ M, Maicus Salisbury, Rcv.Cyril KMuUer, Noc&via, Bonia May Tbsker, Emma T. Robinson, Foser AltavAndnw Cato'eU, BImiK Lipp, Davkl May, I>3n Bolton, Kim RxTCSicf, 0»CT Uoyd, Ntichad 0 Tbok, Quis^ (lH>iK;4)-auistine Fitdiew.HizabeihGttxgiades. Stephen Dann Cover fttgesiLintisayColbomeOBnlre Page: Stq La*a GreatCburtphQtooouitesyof$20cashandlhcnioepeopleinGeneralPhotogn4ihics budgel) At least you've been getting ciety; Hilda Brooks from C.A.L.M.; phasis now is towards a new definition your money's worth not like the poor Bob O'Sullivan from Drug Arm for of development and the Malaysian Gov­ Welcome to Ihe the fourth edition of bastards who go to Q.UT. with what is helping wilh and contributing to this ernment. That is to say that Ihe plight of Semper. We've come a long way in Ihis years humorously and politically edition. And before 1 forget the lovely the indigenous people of Borneo is rel­ such a short time, and not without our negligible "Utopia". They've only people from Radio National. Welcome evant to all of us and at a personal lovel fair share of difficulties. Even before managed two editions and they weren't home Mary Jane! from the limber wc use in our homes to we got started on our first edition, Sa­ even very long and they don't even dis­ lobbying Ihc weak willed and benign hu­ tan Claws shimmied down the chim­ tribute them anywhere and they do the man rights policies of our federal gov­ ney and left us a little surprise. Well in same boring layout on every page and.., ernment. Ralher than re-iterate the argu- reality, the bastard put a leg over the Oh! I could go on but I haven't got time In a conscious reaction to the rr.cnl within these pages, there remains back balcony, and smashed and crashed for all this self-justification bullshit and marihuana edition all of us had agreed something just as important to say. his way through, and stole al! the com­ 1 don't even really believe it anyway. to subvert the theme of Semper so no puters along with my stereo and all my single issue dominates. If you're con­ 1 was the pcr.son who wrote one-half CD.'s. Just wait until this Christmas, I've been loathe to write an editorial un­ fused then look no further lhan "Eugene of that environmcn'.al article in last yeh, I'll be waiting. Bastard! Never til now, because I feel there is nolhing the Cosmic Hippo", as he generally years Semper and whiit I said then holds trust a big fat old guy in a red junr.psuit. worse lhan a person forcing their own tiny reflects the overriding theme. This is true now. The way the media deals with mind on the unsuspecting and generally nol to say he's always correct as he's a environment is either to ignore the is­ Apart from that minor set back it's al 1 been apathetic student population. Hell! But deceptive little bugger and you can sue completely or when it is mentioned smooth .sailing. You poor unsuspecting it's one of the few pleasures you can af­ never just know when an issue will il is largely reactionary more than any­ fools! Before the elections last year we ford when your a Semper Editor. You see, override even him. I'll let you work it thing else. This is represented in the didn't know each other. This had its ben­ and if you haven't worked il oul by now oul for yourself. 1 hope he continues mainstream media's failure to make any efits as we all came together wilh quite I'm naturally quile cynical and I'll be the in Semper as 1 feel he's one this year's mention oflhe recent "Voices from the different poiilicai outlooks. One editor is first lo admit il. More importantly is the Semper's redeeming features. In re­ Forest Tour". What's even more dis­ a wet liberal with feminist tendencies facl that I feel that I've finally graduated gards to the last "Politically Correct" turbing is thai there is absolutely no (how real these arc I still don't know), the from a clueless wally. Wouldn't you edition everything that needed to be competition now even on a Sunday other's a middle of the road, sort of con­ agree Nick? Well maybe not but il said, I've said in a response to letter lo when al least the Courier Mail shows servative guy wilh labor leanings and the doesn't matter now. Any way here's my the editor. Despite the tliin line of P.C. it true tabloid form. Even our own es­ third editor according to the other two, is account of how we've gone so far:- running through the last edition some­ teemed "The Weekend Independent:" an insidiously cynical, a supposedly left thing important has remain unsaid: "Brisbane's Quality Newspaper" failed minded, closet hippy who uses stand over OhNolNottheHippoi to make any mention of this issue. tactics to force his own slant on Semper. The One Pav of the Year Again refering back to my article last Well he'd have to wouldn't he? Against Afairly innocuous beginning and enough year, it makes feel warm and fuzzy all two ideologically non committed law stu­ has been said about it by the olher two Yes it is unportant that we all remember over just to know that Petal's on the dents such as these two are. I mean one editors anyway. Agood start just the same. aiid commemorate Australia's wai dead. road to recovery while an entire race even signs his name with a dollar sign. Especially now when to a generation of and their culture are being systemati­ F^arQfAH^mpPlann Australians it seems less and less relevant cally removed. There's nothing like Seriously though, if you think your and when the benefits of veterans and burning all your bridges, now is there? views haven't been represented over The 100% roll it up and smoke it edi­ tiieir families arc being undercut by the the past six months, then you just tion of Semper. I'll be the first to ad­ Federal Government. However what I What a shame the Broncos have been should have come on down to one of mit that the marihuana edition of can'l condone is .senseless nationalism suffering from a bit of a losing streak our editor's meetings. When we shut Semper blew out of proportions, if only that ultimately leads to war and this was recently. Perhaps people might now take all the windows and lock tJie door, that's to bring a balanced perspective. How­ in no way reflected in the poster. Stiil the time to Ihink abou; real issues. Then when lhe heated arguments begin. ever the issue of marihuana prohibition the dealh of the many men and women again there's always the State of Origin We'd even perform for you as well. is an inescapable one for all of us. The who have lost their lives as a conse­ isn't there? Hurrah! Ifyou find lhe lay­ There's much gesturing and nashing of world is inevitably moving towards a quence of war, for whatever reason is of out of this page bland, that's beciiuse teeth, flailing of arms and inevitably policy of decriminalization and even­ a far greater consequence than the death it's intentional. The time tor cheap throwing of inanimate objects which tually legalization. This can be seen of some self obsessed and pre-meditated tongue-in-check references arc gone and suddenly become inanimate and of in­ mosl recently in Germany's legal sys­ rock martyr. I feel the poster could have now tlie name of the game is irony. To creasing proportions. From this come's tem recognizing the waste of time il is said something more. "Lest we forget" my fellow editors, I wish you bolh the much blood, sweat and tears and the in holding up the courts and prosecut­ hey? Bruce Ruxlon would be proud. best for the rest of the j'car. next edition of Semper and more sweat. ing people just for the personal use of Nevermind it's all a dead issue to me now What do you expect from three guys marihuana. At a state level Ihe whole and I don't have any new complaints. Is Yay, Davo & Mick! who've been locked up together in a issue of prohibition is still under con­ Ihal Whacka whispering words of con­ room for a whole hour, in the middle sideration by the CJC which will hope­ science in my ear or my Grandmother? Gdod Hick in the futiirc! of the day and without any ventilation. fully find in favour of at least Some things are better left unsaid. Our apologies to staff and contributors decriminalization. And most recently at Cameron who've had to endure the stench. U's a local level we witnessed the complete This umn only been in recent weeks that we've waste of money and police resources PS. The reason for this edition being managed to keep the office "clean", and that was "Operation Noah". Il amounts The Wall came down in Berlin, the de­ out so late is the fact that afler the theft I use the term loosely. Thanks Liz. to nothing morc than a public relations mocracy movement raised it's head for a of the computers at ihc beginning ol" exercise and only really catches oul brief time in China, the recognition of Ihc year, we've finally received new Anyway, getting back to the point, there those who keep marihuana for personal Mabo and finally there are free elections and improved computers, only to have is one thing we all agree on and that is use and not the big time dealers. How­ in South Africa, Everything is right with them crash on u.s. But we believe it's a basic principle of giving you a ever do keep a watch out for an old man the world. Not quite. The main issue in been worth the wait. Still there's just Semper that was readable, interesting building a boat in his back yard and this edition of Semper (ifyou haven't al­ no accounting for bad karma is ihere! and balanced. By the lime this edition taking animals up two by two. At this ready guessed from the cover) is the Even now wilh deadline for Ihis edi­ is out we'll have brought you four main point I like to extend my special thanks plight of tlie indigenous people of Bor­ tion upon us the printer's decided to editions of Semper and two special in­ to Tony Kneipp tSc John Jiggins from neo and in conjunction with their recent play temperamental. Don't forget terest Sempers. (i.e. local elections and H.E,iM.P.; Martin Bush from Higli So­ "Vbices from the Forest Tour". The em­ World Environment Day on June fuh. ...NOTHING REALLY IVirSSING THE BIGGER PICTURE mass slavery, human sacrfifices, head-hunt­ Dear Timclords- ing and slash and burn agriculture...' This Wc were rather disgusted by certain aspects is a lie unless you are talking about a few of the most recent Semper. particular tribes, which are not named, Arthur Chrcnkoff's article, as your edito­ rather than the entire Native-American rial went to some length to poinl oul, con­ population of the USA. Tha'.'s racism. At­ tained a fairly typical bit of PC bashing, tributing false facts to a social grouping. promoting the ny(h (hal Jhe "polilically Lies about those already maligned have no correct" (presumably feminists, gays ami moral defense in the ccnsor.ship debate. lesbians, indigenous people, greenies and To you and lo all who, like you, delight in other such rabble) arc trying to censor eve­ attacking PC: come clean about your own rybody's thought. Abcautiful piece of jour­ politics. PC is not aboul prescribing ways nalism, it could have come straight from of thinking, its about trying to get people lo the Courier Mail. listen 10 a point of view different from their Of course, one only has to think about such own. Points of view which tiie mainstream Ihings as "The Usl Temptation of Christ", social institutions and mores have excluded sex education, abortion, condom vending for praclically all of history up to now. machines, Mardi Gras on the ABC, lo work Amongst the PC debate and dissent exists out that it is the consen-ativcs who have and is welcome on, for example, the causes been responsible for mo.sl oflhe censorship of, the effects of and the .solutions to women in our society's recent history. being underpaid in the workforce. There are And on that note, maybe you could explain liberal feminists. Marxist I'ominists, radical just who was resiwnsible for lhe censorship feminists etc. What is not welcome is peo­ of Ihe following paragraph from Mandy ple who suggest that there isn't really a Curties' story 'Swampy'. And jusi why. problem at all. (words removed in bold italic, words used If you have a contribution lo make to so­ to replace thorn in square brackets) cial comment then make it. Thev split us up and I got taken by some if you arc just standing up lor your "right" supposedly lemale olficcr to some dingey to remain sexist, racist and or homophobic, totlei. where I had to lake oft all my clothc^. and whats more w-ish to censor any thougiv show imder my hair, in my mouth, and turn which is differeni from your own then you around and bend over. Luckily I didn't iiel can get frigged. the good old internal body cavity search, Yours in Semper which the queenslnnd police are so famous Nik Douglas for. Left alone in a grotty room with about Martin Bush ten big, fat, ugly and narrowminded male pigs, I was called a lesbian, a heroin addict, PS For complete annotation, 1 suggest you a dcvilworshippcr and a slut. also explain that the ANZAC day Ral and Poss had bolh been bashed ccntrespread was meant to be be serious. through telephone books, to minimise You may not feel this to be necessary, but bruising, and Poss had had a gun pointed most people lo whom we have talked as­ at his head. With Rat they had templed himsume d it was a joke and 1 would hate to sec with some heroin and a fit, thinking he credit for satirical creativity given where it's must he hanging out for a fix, saying not warranted (or lo deny you credit for this they'd give him some now if he helped thoughtful and inspiring poster). them apprehend a big dealer. .Whal a fucking [frigging] tragedy. Dear Martin and Co., Don't waste my Ten or twenty years ago, back in the pre- time with your narrow-minded and precious Fitzgcrald era, Semper was about ;he only views. You show your ignorance quite obvi­ press in Queensland which would cover sto­ ously in the form that while you present ries of police violence and corruption. Af­ yourself as ail self justified and polilically ter decades of Royal Commisions and jout- left/correct, typically you miss the gniatcr nalistic coverage wc all know these sort of issues in both your arguments. things happened, and still happen every­ where. We havi; recently seen lhe death of Firstly in regards to the matter of editing Daniel Yock while in police custody. There "Swampy". While 1 personally fought for are widespread and serious concer:is about its inclusion and for it to be produa-d as is • police attitudes towards and Ireatmenl ol' I now stand firmly alongside my other edi­ murri people. Your contribution lo this de­ tors in lhe decision to edit the .story. First of bate is to censor any adverse comment all we approached Ihc author of "Swampy" about the police. A good student newspa­ who quite co-operatively aRtved to edit the per provides one of the lew truly independ­ storj' when asked. A poinl w jikh you obvi­ ent and alternative media outlets, and its role ously chose fo ignore. in defending civil liberties is important. It is sad to see this student new.spaper, once Secondly, wewoukln't have asked her lo edit in the vanguard ofthe fight againsl censor­ it in the first place if we didn't think that Uie ship and coverup now taking the pre- Filzgerald Courier Mail line. stor>' had some intrinsit value i.e, a lictional account on the real life hassksof shidents witli And anyway. Swampy is not e\en trying to e.vpcriaices oulsidc ofthe greater niiyority of parallel particular present day circum­ studcnis on campus. Another point you've stances. It's just a fictional story. No attempt convcnkintly EaUed to mentitm. to edit the story on stylislic grounds was made. The entire two paragraplis. were re­ Now to the meal and potatoes. You ofall moved, with n;> alterations. And tiie writer people Martin should know that il's the was given no choice. So just the idea in these institutions, in this case the State Govern­ paragraphs was important. Censorship de­ ment and Drugs Misuse .Act, which are to fined. A very ugly thing lo see in a student blame for students who live in constant union newspaper. And for a bit of Truth jour­ fear of harassment and ultimately the per­ nalism. 1 wonder if they'll publish the fact sonal embarrassment that comes with ar­ one of the editors said amongsl other Ihings. rest. This very point was made by your­ to the article's writer explaining his refusal self in your letter to the editor in regards lo publish, 'My cousin's a police officer.* to the Smoke-In in the Marijuana March c/o STUDENT UNION, UNIVERSITY edition of Semper. Not playing the hypo­ Also in Chrcnkoff's article, is the descrip­ crite now are we Martin? OF QUEENSLAND, ST LUCIA, 4067, tion of, 'the pre-1492 Americas with ihcir MISSING THE POINT In these "post" Fitzgerald days (1 prefer to Finally the .second matter of poiilicai cor­ Dear Editor, pregnancy be seen as a 50/50 responsibil­ deal with the present thangetall misty eyed rectness, again you miss the point com­ At this point i; is appropriate to draw atten­ ity decision just because if fakes two to and myopic about the past) it solves noth­ pletely. The article which was solicited by tion to the title of the article (My Choice) and get pregnant in fhe first place? I'm sure ing to conlinually present the police in a us only sought to expose the excesses of to make it clear that we would not dare criti­ thaf you will argue that women should be bad light Yes! Police abuse of power has, such "polilically correct" thought. While cise the authors decision lo continue her preg­ able to have abortions (legal ones) because still and will always occur and it was lo this polilicai correctness does to some extent nancy, in facl it might be civil to wish her luck. it is her body, and Ihaf having an abor­ effect Ihat al least some comment was in­ broaden the scope of Ihe English language HOWEVER, despite the distinctly ponional tion is, and I quote - "wonicn,..e\errisJng cluded. It would have been remiss of us to to empower Ihose who arc oppressed and tone of the aniclc it is ncccs.sary to criticise Iheir right to control their fertility and have done otherwise. Still it's far more im­ open up people's attitudes towards a more the reasoning she uses to frame an argument fheir lives!" This statement inlcrprels as portant to keep things in perspective and tokrnnl and open-minded society, II only advocating the coniinualion of unplanned 100% contml - so what i.s wrong with say­ address the bigger picture now isn't it? serves lo lose those movements credibilily pregnancies fo." women and ./or their partners. ing women should take 100% ix-sponsi- and bring them into disrepute when It is bilily for their bodies? Afterall, its your The Daniel 'k'ock incident is another is­ taken to extremes and institutionalised. The lone of this article revolves around the body, ijot your partners, and it ^volJl(l be sue entirely again you've failed to deal Sort of hurting the ones you love, I guess. mis-conception (pun?) that women who have wrong for him to expect you to continue with the real issues. My own contribu­ sex and fall pregnant have risked the Rou­ an unwanted pregnancy just because he tion to the issue was to speak to a Murri Last years team oniy chose lo deal with lette and consa|iicntly should a) surrender wants you to wouldn't it? Men have no representative to find out Ihe real facts the issue in a token way with quick and ihemselves to their maternal instincts and rights (ie they can't stop you) when if for myself as part of the "Voices of the easy "tongue-in-cheek" references". The assume molherhood or b) stay pregnant, give come.s to whether or not fheir partners Rainforest Tour" and the cultural ex­ reality being that Ihcy subscribed to the birth and adopt out. Is she is reinforcing keep their babies, so who's responsible? change that took place between the very political correct extremes that they those quaint patriarchal values on women as murri people and Ihe indigenous people were so desperately (perhaps at times useful little baby machines? .And what is Your acknowledgment that the article was of Borneo. We both came to the same cleverly) trying to take the piss out of. the problem with option c)Termination? written ill |)ersonal lone falls by the \*ay- conclusion, in that the truth will never How courageous of them not to make any "Prevention is always easier than the cure. side when you identify incortfcliy lhe pur­ come out so long as Ihe conservatives con­ real comment, except uniti even Ihey fell But when all precautions fail, the only cure pose of the article as "an argumenl advo­ tinually try and sweep il under Ihc car­ foul of the very groups they were trying is being able to take HW,'i responsibility cating the continuation ofunplanned pn-g- pet and certain left groups use the inci­ to represent. There are too many hu­ for your actions and accepting that your nancits for the women and.^or their part­ mourless people out ther. Monty Python dent to push their own propaganda, I've situation is a con.sequence ofthose aciions." ner." .After repeatedly reviewing tlu' arti­ said as much before in Semper, we ai% have been laking the piss ou out of po­ cle, I failed to find any part of ji identifi­ (1 might hayju-dto note llXJCr resjxinsibiliiy for all quite capable of selectively using and litical correctness before it even became able as an "argument" and furthermore, 50/50 sex is an inlcrcsting e(|uaiion,) generalising facts to support our own a household term. Isn't it interesting to was unable to find any part of the article arguments. In this respect it so easy to note that right and left ideology have to The author goes on from the lectern; that pointedly stated a "moral obligation" some extent come full circle. Political adopt an extreme and uninformed point "Ifyou don't want lo get pregnant, don't have for people who become pregnant to ccm- corretnes taken to extreme meausrcs tinue their pregnancies. If is widely ac­ ofview and defend it. On this point both sex. Simple, etfcclivc and infallible." the right and the left are equally guilty does censor true freedom of expression. cepted that abstinence is a fail proof of blatant self promotion as much as the The notion of representing minority Whal a fascinating response to 1990's West­ method of contraception, however great groups that have been marginalised by ernised sexuality, .Abstaining from sex is so Courier .Mail and I have no time for any pains wei\- taken to ensure that ivadei-s un­ the mainstream media by giving them simple, hey we're waiting for a workshop of them. I came lo Semper with naive derstood that, from the author's point of one edition of Semper out the entire year on Ihis one! Could we go further and pre­ hopes of making it balanced and repre­ view, abstinence is not a widely practised is indicative of these exii-emes and only sume that those of the population who can't sentative of all students to make up for method. 1 dare nol question your own serves to secttonalisc them and it's aN fal! pregnant (like men) are the cnly ones the obvious excesses of the past two sexual practices but if you need a ^^nl•k- really token anyway, I feel these groups who have the moral equipment to have "re­ years. Topically my views have been shop to leam lo control your .sexual urges, are much better served by promoting sponsible sex". She slates further that: compromised by the petty student poli­ perhaps you should ask yourself a few se­ them if there is an issue of real and cur­ tics of both the left and the righl here on "There's a lot to be said for only having sex rious {jucstions about yourself It is verj' rent importance. This apporach has a campus and I feel that I wasn't being true in a serious relationship in which you have dangerous to use abortion as a fonn nf con­ greater impact than forcil^ly shoving it to myself by staying on. discu.ssed what would happen should you fall traception, which in fact by definition is down peoples throat, This can be seen pregnant. There should be a law against ir­ nof a fonm of contraception at all and I'm to some extent in this edition with Ihe Perhaps Martin ifyou were genuinely in­ responsible .sex." sun; you would agree with me on thai point. "Voices of Forest Tour " and to a greater terested in Ihe pursuit of civil liberties as extent in the next "Year of the Family" It appears the author is making some kind you claim, you would have the courage to edition of Semper, where my involvement of assumption that those in stable relation­ You appear to ignore the possibility that wrile the article yourself. It hasn't been ends. Last year's team (a left team ) by ships have a moral obligation to become Ihe author ofthe article has a sound un­ for lack of trying to represent the Daniel fheir own admission failed to represent parents in the event of a technical slip up derstanding of abortion. You condemn Yock incident in a real and genuine light. the murri people in fhe "Yearof Ihe In­ with coniraception. Speaking of irrespon­ the author as having "quaint patriarchal Still I recognise that most of your time digenous People"?'. I hope not to repeat sible sex, what about irresponsible value.s" simply because fhe author wi-ote would be taken up by High Society and 1 fhe same mislake in the little time Ihal 1 parenting; don'l feel pressured by tales of an article from the "other side" - when wish you all Ihe best in this regard. As a have left as an editor of Semper in the molherhood martyrdom, become a parenl if fact the entire purpose of Ihc article past Semper editor and an active mem­ upcoming family or I think Fred Nile is when you arc good and ready and prepared. was to inform people ofthe difficulties ber of this current union I just wish you'd Vile edition. Personally I find the whole now faced because ofa personal choice. Termination is an option. It migh; lie hard take the time to occasionally lake the time issue of Political Correctness inane and Ihing to do. but practically speaking women to pull your head out of Ihc sandpit Ihal a non-issue and hopefully this is the last Your assumption thai abortion is illegal as ovenvorked, underpaid, "minority" ma­ is student politics. time I'll have to deal with it. because "men arc experts at keeping jorily are e.xercising their right to control women isolated from their potential lo Oh yeh! And the fact tliat "one of tlirec" edi­ their fertility imd iheir lives. .Mxirtion is t'unctlon as equals (barefoot and preg­ tors has a coasin who's a polIa> oflicer (und no Yours in Semper. illegal because men are experts at keeping nant)" is fortification that you have failed it's not me) doesn't exclude him from rational women isolated from thcirpoteniial lo func­ to see abortion for what it is • the termi­ tion as equals (harcfoot and pregnr.nt). The decision making. If it did then "Swampy" Cameron nation of pregnancy. If I was male. I wouldn't have made il inlo Semper in the first law and thus society is telling us we are would he incensed al such an accusation. criminals because wc will not subjecl our- place, now would it? What a pathelic attempt P,S. For complete annotation read Not all society agrees wilh abortion and -selves lo compuLsory motherhood at a lime to score points in somelhing whkh amounts "Views ofthe World' society does nol consist entirely of males: when we are not ready or even contemplat­ to nothing morc tlian a personal and pell}' N.n. The poster wasn't my idea. and not all males make a concerted el- sk>dge. Grow up a little, hey Martin! ing bearing children. fort fo oppress women. Abortion is a so­ Abortion is nol always available as the au­ cial issue -1 personally believe in having Though I have taken on some of your thor wrongly points oul in the article. Abor­ a choice, but I do not blame men for Ihe constructive criticisms and reduced the po­ tion is available once somebody else de­ illegality of that choice. Perhaps you etry and short stories page lo one page each cides you are permitted to have your preg­ should stop acting as Ihc victim and act and as a direct result we don'l have the nancy terminalcd. like a pei'son with equal rights • then space for serialised stories such as Swampy, maybe you will be fix'afed as one instead It is expensive. $160.00 one-third of the Anyway il's relevance would have Ijccn tost of being brushed off as an oppressed, cost bulk-billed to Medicare. on mo.st students unlike previous instal­ overworked, underpaid "minoriiy" ma­ jority looking for someone to blame. ments. In it's place I've decided to include As the author of Ihe article "My Choice" an interesting article about what to do in Semper, I am both surprised and I thirikyou mLs.sed the poinl nf llie article also, when you gel busted for drugs titled, "The amazed al the uttitude you have ex­ Ihat is there was no |ioint, il was nicrvly a Right to Remain Silent", It's revolves pressed. My immediate impressions af­ personal aa'uunf, puiv and simple, .Siill you around a series ofrole plays and deals with ter reading your letter were thai your raise some lugifiniate points, however Ihey all likely case scenarios, somelhing which views on unplanned pregnancy arc that would be Ijetter diivcfed af women's maga­ has greater relevance to students and pro­ ofa mindless victim who refu.ses fo accept zines which still actively rtinfoive negative motes a more responsible altitude. full responsibility for herown body. How steiTOtyix's, I know one editor has a particu­ can the choice to continue an unplanned lar iJemluint for "Cosmo". HD. 5, ATHEIST AND PROUD Dear Sempet There has been a lol of focus so far this year on the .subject of cults and how to avoid them. Many cults claim to know the answers to the mysteries of God. They in search of the soul/ centre of being/self whatever and provide the cullee wilh unconditional love. Many arc aim­ Well, Larina Alick, if Ihat is your real ing far Ihe afwh'lion of ail sin and evil, and old language you seem to so adore. They name. Your letter quite nicely illustrates there other ideas along similar lines, it would A Reply to "Say fhe Magic AVords" are now trying to find some sort of pride for the poinl I made in my article: one can­ seem then that those people mosl su.sccptiblc Well, Arthur Chrenkoff, if thai Ls your real name. themselves through new ways of describing not disagree with the High Prieslpersons to cult recruitment would be those pondering Reading your aniclc in Sanper (edition number Ihemselves. Why do you have such a prob­ of Political Correctness otherwise one is these same questions ihemselves, or those 3, page 8), 1 have never been so insulted by one lem wilh this? Why are you so delermined branded a male chauvinist or a bigot. with similar aims. lo stop them? Does your ego really rely so person's ignorance in my entire life. Like calling someone you don't agree heavily upon them being called sub-normal, From this, il would surely follow tliat in­ Firstly, I would like lo address the terms of with a "fascist", it's a beautiful technique as Ihough you define whal "normal" means? volved: your argument. "Polilicai Correctness" is a of character assassination but it won't The evidence you put forward as examples make me go away. - denying the existence of a deity and there­ bullshit phrase which has been created by fore the soul, those afraid of the changes our society is of "political correctness" is material which Ifyou had only concentrated less on feel­ currently under-going, there is no such thing you have invented! They arc absurd, extreme ing insulted and morc on reading the arti­ - a non-belief in literal Good and Evil, and as being politically correct or politically lerms and events which you have made up, cle thoroughly you would ha^e realized that - the conviction thai "tnysterics" can be wrong. There is only a difference of opin­ and then you pay them out as though they I'm against racism and sexism and other explained by lhe physical laws we live by, ion. For some-one whose basis of displeas­ constitute the entirely of "political corrcct- forms of stupidity; I simply believe that PC ure in the words encouraged by "political nc.^s". The few factual events you mention in as a cure is as silly and dangerous a phe- would be one ofthe best defences against such correctness", you aren't doing terribly well your article actually have nothing to do with nomei\on as the ones it sets out to remedy. powerful recruiting methods. Yes, 1 am speak­ at vocabulary yourself the new sensitivity. The Professor Kerrigan My personal opinion aside I really don't ing of a belief which is often misunderstood, incident you mcniion has no relevance to the care whether FC-ers want fo be sensitive often maligned, and sadly lacking at this Uni­ You say this phenomenon is "in vogue", like rest of your argument. And will you please and considerate or nol and what they versity -Atheism. it is some sort of trend similar to rap and choose to call themselves. But I believe basketball. Rut you have trivialised h more explain to me why the removal of that paint­ Atheism is often misunderstood because of in a radical little idea called freedom of than 1 can say. This is not a trend. It is not a ing from the NSW Bar Association distresses confusion with apathy and agnosticism. speech. I believe everyone should be able mere fashion statement to be considerate of you so much? I can sec Ihat as nolhing bul a Athei-sts are not apathetic. This implies an to say what they like in whichever man­ your audience's feelings. There is a legili- victory for the women involved. unwillingness to believe in a God because ner they like, however much I may think mate movement in popular opinion towards And what is this "failed revolution"?! What of fear of commitment, orjust general lazi­ they're talking shit. But, contrary to what being considerate. And I believe you have the fuck are you talking about? Are you refer­ ness. Untrue.Alheists are quite firm in their you may think, that's obviously not what the order of events wrong. The vocabulary ring to the human rights movements of Ihe belief in the non-existence of some omnipo­ PC is ail about, PC is not aimed at pro­ is not being changed lo brain-wash people sixties? I think you have been taking the film tent entity, and as we believe Man controls viding nice and considerate alternatives and change their opinions as you suggest, "Bob Roberts" far too seriously, young man! to be used at one's own leisure; it is about his own destiny, we must devote our lives bul rather the change in public opinion has In your article you are hiding, rather obviously, changing language, attitudes and history much morc seriously. already taken place, and our language is behind an attack upon the language of so- so thaf fhe PC version will be fhe only Agnosticism involves the belief that we can changing as a reflection of this. called "political correctness", when you are version available. I don't know if you never truly known the exisience of God. It is a So these old concepts arc being thrown out acnially opposed lo the movement itself. Why realize that all students and staff on this position of neutrality, so to speak. Tliis to me by minoriiy groups, arc they? Let's see who don't you just come out and admit it? You campus are required by the University seems a bit of a cop-oul, rather than atheism. It you mention... "feminists, multi-culturists, don't like being requested to reform your lan­ and Student Union policies to use non- is as if agnostics are thinking, "Well, if 1 die gay activists or environmentalists"... Hell, guage simply to avoid hurting another per­ sexist language in whatever they say or and find my.self before the Pearly Gates, 1 can but if you put them logether, isn't that the son. The whole idea of being considerate write. Similarly, our own "Semper" is always say 'Hey, I never said 1 didn if believe!'" majority?!?! Strangely enough h is a minor­ seems stupid lo you, docsn'i il? It's sensitive prohibited from printing anything that Whal are the benefits of atheism then, apart ity of people who are upset by the new sen­ and therefore weak, in your opinion. You have can be deemed racist, sexist or from a solid defence againsl cults? Freedom sitive use of our language. To use a stere­ nolhing but conlempt for it. 1 wish you had homophobic. Racism, sexism and from hypocrisy is one that springs readily to otype (and why the hell nol. You used plenty wrillcn your article truthfully, ralher lhan by homophobia are of course very much in mind. How often have you seen or read about of them. So can I), il is mainly white making cheap jokes alwul alternative words fhe eye of the beholder and as I tried to two warring factions of atheists slaughter­ homophobic able-bodied males who are "an­ for "steak" and "newspaper". So you were show in my article that eye is more often ing innocents and each other in the name of noyed" by using more pleasant terms when trying to funny. Is Ihat your excuse? Do 1 have lhan not crossed and myopic. religion? Or celibate members of an atheis­ referring to people different to themselves. no sense of humour? Forgive me. hut! find il Your letter begs to be answered point by tic .scK-iely preying on young boys? It is Ihey who arc being ridiculously petty. difficult to laugh along with a thoroughly ig­ point however constraints ofspace pre­ norant opposition to new concepts, and a gen­ vent me from doing so, Jusf one thing that lohnalhan Swift once said, "Wc have just With regard to sexist language, women are erally insulting approach to a serious social has to be put straight: I didn't invent any­ enougli a'ligion to .iiiike us hate, bul nol enough now refusing to be excluded by this male-cre­ i.s.sue. 1 cannot laugh along wilh Rodney Rude. thing in the article -1 have sick imagina* to make us love one another." Tliere are doz­ ated language. Over and over again in textbook I cannot laugh along with Kevin Bloody tion but not that sick. Anyone interested ens of religions and accompanying Gods de­ examples, in philosophical principles, in legis­ Wilson. I cannoi laugh along with you. or petty enough fo rechcck my sources picted, all convinced iheir's will ch;uige the lation and in lectures, the entire existena* of can contact me and I will gladly provide world for lhe belter. Tliere is but one type of women is ignored. Meanwhile, women are 1 would like to point out that considerate him or her or it with a list of all Ihe ref­ atheism, and therefore little cause for dissent. 52.4% of the world's population! The use of language is not compulsory. There is no erences. Finally, a belief that there is no literal Good only male references is repetitive and it is infu­ such thing as Ihc Thought Police. There is riating. Women vvill no longer accept it. This is and Evil does not indicate ethical blindness no PC squad. If you do nol believe in the And I wasn't tryingto be funny. To Ihose nol a feminist conspiracy lo brain-wash all peo­ or tunnel vision. Right and wrong strongly new terms, please do no; use them. I'm se­ who found the article funny I sincerely ple inlo believing that men and women should exist, and atheists still have a moral code they rious. I want you to be honest with me. You apologize. have equal rights. It is women demanding the musl adhere to. should be proud of what you believe in, and Incorrectly Yours rights they believe they deserve. 1 want to know when I'm dealing with a Arthur "It's not my real name, I only chauvinist. I promise 1 won't zap your limbs Jay Rose Women can be employed in positions called wanted to hide behind something that off., Perhaps you arc not sure of your be­ "chainnan" and "mail man". As long as these sounds Eastern Europeanishly sinister liefs. If you change youi language for fear HALLELUJAH BROTHER 1 ED. positions are talked aboul in male terms, the like Boris KariofT Chrenkoff of beginning an argument, what do you fear idea of women taking these positions will be P.S. more? The lension of an argument, or a denied or seen as ridiculous, By maintaining I'm an ethnic and I recycle; two out of possibility of nol having any basis for your myths through terminology, disaiminalion is four ain't bad to qualify me lo have a say derogatory remarks? then justified by reference to that terminol­ in this matter. ogy, "A woman can't be the chairman". The new words being proposed are merely The introduction of new words as alternatives allcrnatives. You can chose lo accept them Dear Ed, or nol. But you must make a choice. You to those cunenlly in use has been resorted to 1 would like to criticize Arthur Chrcnkoff's cannot sil on the fence, saying you're op­ because attempts al changing the publicly-held article on poHtical correctness in the last posed to this sensitivity bul will comply meanings of old words (such as handicapped) Semper. Arthur said that political correct­ anyway. No-one is forcing you to. You have failed, and we have no other option but to give ness was only slightly annoying, like 10 decide what you believe, and whether you up hop^ for the old words and start again. 'Melrose Place'. Well who said 'Meltose are willing to support the ideas permeating Place' was only slightly annoying? You say "some seciions ofthe community the old terminology. Some people do. Do are obsessed wilh creating new categories you? As for the rest of the article, Kicked ass! of victims", 1 beg to differ. The people you Political Correctness is just some over- Pv Larina Alick refer to were thoroughly victimised by the glamorized crap from America that us 6. Aussies accept as being right, just because the Yanks have the biggest smiles and the Dear guardians of truth justice and the uni­ there is an equal and opposhe reaction. We "Sensitive-new-agc-guy, 'Have a Nice versal generic way, cannot have one without the olher. Our lan­ Days' Hi! I'm a concerned first year upper mid­ guage being all good will become colour­ Don'l misinterpret me. PC is necessary in dle class , white, cqualitist wog studying less. It will lose all ils flare. Which would you rather hear? The fat rcally ugly mon­ moderation. Like when discretion is needed English. Recently 1 read an article in your ster, or' the dimensionally, ascelically chal­ if a relative of someone has died and you Semper on Polilicai Correctness, I thought lenged, non-humanoid entity. This docs nol have lo tell them. But quibbling over little that it displayed some things aboul PC that pass freely from the mouth of a ihrcc-year subtleties in the language which could be were correct. PC was brought aboul to try old 'non-monster entity' (human). considered offensive lo some bored activ­ and make everybody equal. To make eve­ ist for some Minority group with little or rybody the same in terms of language. Peo­ I believe (being the stirring young radical no life, is downright boring. And I get hun­ ple who had previously accepted people no that 1 am) Ihat people should be treated gry very easily. matter what 'race creed or colour' now had equally. But I do not think that our language to label them. PC is based on the assump­ should suffer at the hands of the latest You may think I'm just saying this because tion that if we change a person's language American fashion. It's Fake. People's ig­ I'm a male. But I am also what PC would by using 'neutral' terms, then eventually norance is not going to disappear because term 'coloured' or "Pigmentally Chal­ that person's ideologies will change, A sort we say 'The Magic Words'. The only so­ lenged" of positive Newspeak Dictionary, But like cial institution that will suffer is our lan­ Unfortunately, this letter would be ill-re­ thaloh-so-wcll-known dictionary, there are guage. ceived if I belonged to that root-of-all-evil, problems. For one, language becomes col- bastard group, the White Heterosexual ouriess. We no longer call something great, PC is based on good academic theories but Males. But since I belong to a minority h's double plus good. Similarly, as a giri should not be taken lo the extremes as with group- the Indians (or as my friends and 1 told me, she was not ugly, just ascelically EEC bureau-speak that addresses milk as call it "Curry munchcrs") I can bash who­ disadvantaged. Wc lose the power to insult. the lactosious secretions of a female adult ever the fuck 1 want. Many may say "great, people will love each bovine, something that takes 17 words to other!" But without the power to insult, we say. If one word fits that does nol offend Well I'm going fo take advantage of that. lose the power to complement. With nolh­ the group concerned, please let us use il. If The White Caucasian Male has committed ing bad to be compared lo, our complements I may quote that humble God-fearing Irish its fair share of atrocities from the klu klux become meaningless. For every action. musical genius,,..Bono-"One". klan to Jeremy Jordan, but now wc arc dis­ criminating against them. Love and Fresian Cows You sec, PC (with all its good intentions) has a way of mak­ Louka Lazaredes. ing ihings seem like they are a P.S.- Poshive Discrimination is still dis­ disadvantage, by needing crimination. And dicriminalion of any sort 'special terms' to refer to is wrong. everyday eccentricities. 1 know I would rather be called a 'curry-muncher' than a "special Australian of In­ dian Decent" and have part ofa fucking restaurant allocated lo me. What ever name you give me, however nice or subtle or po­ litically correct it is, unless the word is per­ son, you arc discriminating against mc. John Cleese said in 'A Fish Called Wanda" that wc' re an awfully dead race. It's because we're so frightfully afraid of embarrass­ ment. Are wc going to restrict our freedom by the way we speak, or are wc going to change Ihe way wc think? Sandecp Gupta. PS. I'd like to know what the writer of "Asshole" would have to say about this shil.

The Editor In reply to Arthur Chrcnkoff's article on polilically corrccl language, "Say the Magic Words", I would like to poinl out that the use of non-sexist language hasbeen University of Queensland policy since 1984. No, this is not an example of George Orwell's "Newspeak", as that was a sys­ tematic attempt to reduce the scope of the English language so as to make certain con­ cepts, such as freewill, unthinkable; ralher the use of non-sexist terms expands the scope of the English language, finally al­ lowing fair representation ofthe truth that women participate, and have participated. / in all areas of social endeavour. Prescrib­ ing the use of non-sexist lerms should no: be seen as an attempt to destroy the current language, but as an attempt to destroy the lie this language currently enshrines. Paul McCrossin froim the

-gap-rt»-^^-,.--5-.r

-Au§ti^lla:To^r'94;

t ' 1 *'• 11'.. *.'''1„ ' -'V'»rf^<^*)V .*"*/'

• 1 I Towards a New Definition of Development For years we Ve heard about the devastation of the world's tropical forests. More recently there's been international attention focussed on the abuses directed towards indigenous peoples of these regions and the effect of log­ ging on their cultures and lives. We're witnessing a monumental loss of biodiversity and cultural diversity-imparalleled in the history of the Earth.

Scientists point oul thol the effects of rates of deforestation in the world. focus of their tour in Australia is meet­ "All our huts were torn down with motjein human activity threatens oil Destructive logging operations, ing with Aboriginal groups and com­ chain saws and burnt. Our rice fields life on the planet, so the plight of the Dlontotion schemes, transmigration munities to shore ioeas for action in were bulldozed and 'ive bombs tribal peoples of the rainforests may programmes and mining activities solidarity. While on the Island of Bor­ (tear gas) were thrown at us men, not be far from our ov/n. Our indig­ are not only destroying what is re­ neo the Dayak people are sepa­ women and children and elderly enous brothers and sisters realise how garded as the world's oldest ana rated oy international bordeis, they people. The police hod shields and critical the situation really is and in ricnest ecosystem, but devastating are joined by their similar cultures, helmets and they were hitting us many cases they are taking the the culture and lives of their indig­ odot (traditional lows) and their without any pity. Some of us bled strongest actions to save what's left. enous inhabitants, common struggles. and fel unconscious..." Ivlore of us are recognising a com­ Indigenous people in Borneo (collec­ fvlost Australian's have heard about The situation in SorowoK is a micro­ mon thread in the processes of bio­ tively known as Dayaks) opppse the plight of the Penan people of cosm of the global ecclogical and logical and cultural destruction - it what is justified by their governmen* Borneo, tne nomadic hunter-gather­ social crisis. A process that is taking all seems to be taking place in the and governments around the world ers wno nave been blockading log­ place all around the world - includ­ name of so-called 'development'. as 'development'. They are calling ging roads for many years in their ing Australia. We hove tne opportu­ From April Mth, 1994, a group of in­ for tneir legitimate rights to their lands attempts to protect the forests. Their nity to go beyond being passive wit­ digenous peopie of Borneo travelled to be recognised and protected sc struggle continues in Sarawak - and nesses to something which we know through Australia to sharing their per­ they can pursue their own definitior although no Penan representatives is wrong - and we may be the last spectives on development, Fiom of development - development were able to travel to Australia for the generation who con do anything to fvlelbourre to far-north Queensland which does not involve the destruc­ tour, their message and their pleas change the situation. tion of their lands, cultures and lives. for support have been shared, fvlany they shared news of their struggles We ore involved in the destruction of are now in hiding after police vio­ 8. for land rights, human rights and the Dayak peoples hove requested in­ the world's forests in many different lently broke down their most 'ecent protection of their culture with each ternational support for their struggle 'Afoys the closest link in our consump- blockade in September last year. other. Aboriginal people and the and In particular for opportunities to tton of unsustainably produced tropi­ general public of Australia. bu'ld solidarity with other indigenous In a statement signed by 25 Penan cal timber. In addition our overseas The tropical forests of Borneo are groups around the world who are leaders who witnessed the attack old funds destructive projects and facing a similar situation. A major currently facing some of the fastest they described the events: our major companies exploiting natural resources with little regard to whole logs is now banned from environmental or human impacts. Sabah as limber production dwin­ dles. With most of the state's rain­ These campaigns encompass envi­ forests logged, ronmental is­ the lifestyle and sues, human culture of its in­ rights and Indig­ digenous peo- enous rights. pes ore also se­ These cam­ verely af­ paigns address fected. our very survival. The commonly A brief over­ knov/n tribal view of Borneo g'oups in -issues.,, Sabah are the SARAWAK Kadozon and (Malaysia) the Dusun al­ Sarawak's tropi­ though ;he cal forests ore sTGte nas ODOUT oeing ioggec 3^ Jifferent at the fastest 'noes. Iraciticn- rateintheworio aly, they live in between ciusters cf ae- 300,000 and rcchec t^c^.ses 500,000 nec- ;so,me -"bes lores per yeor. also ;ive in Indigenous ionghouses as people moke •n Safav.'ak) up hot the made of bam­ population of boo, leaves Sarawak-most and timber, sur­ are directly de­ viving on a sub­ pendent on the sistence eco­ untouched nomic system - tropical forest v/ith men in­ for their ad­ volved in hunt­ equate survival. ing and build­ ing v/crKs end Wrongly blamed foi lhe wom.en in destruction of i''^.. faming (shifting cultivation) ana the forests housework. through rheir traditional Tt'ere is a farming meth­ stfong pusr lo ods of swidden make rural in­ agriculture-in­ digenous peo­ digenous people hove stood up Sarawak, Tan Sri Toib Mahmud, has island and result in the dislocation ples give up their traditional lifestvle against logging operations using reportedly amassed as much as of 5,000 indigenous peopie, This and culture in order to be actively non-violent direct action. US$4 billion Ihrougn his connections mammoth development is the larg­ involved in the process of develop­ to the timber industry. est dam project in South-East Asia, ment, This often meons having to Logging causes hunger to the poor­ Take port in activities such as: work­ est of the poor in Sarawak, fvlost af­ Sarav/akian logging companies Tourist facilities hove been constructed ing in the factories, or construction fected by the operations are the no­ hove accumulated such wealth in the Gunurg Mulu area despite op- sites, with logging companies, or on madic Penan (the last tribe of no­ that they ore buying up remaining .Dosition by the traditional ov/ners the street stalls as cheap unskilled la- 9. madic hunter-gatherers in South- areas of primary forests in the rest of Berawan, The facilities include a resort, DOur: activities which are currently Eost Asia), who are completely de­ Asia, The Sarawak logging com­ airport and o golf course. inappropriate and thus further de­ pendent on the forests for food, pany, Rimbunan Hijou, reportedly Indigenous people of Sarawak are grade their own culture and values. medicines, building materials and controls over 80% of the logging in struggling for recognition of their water supplies. Papua New Guinea, Native Customary Rights TO their With the advancement of govern­ In response to blockades of logging Other threats to the forest and indig­ land - rights which area all but ig­ ment development projects, rural roads, the Sarawak authorities hove enous people include development nored by the Sarawak and Indigenous peoples ore increasingly created new laws that have mode projects such as plantations, dams Malaysian governments. being pushed aside lo make way and tourist facilities. for new projects. These projects in­ it illegal for ttibol people to protect SABAH their lands. Over 600 people have clude dams, nousing develop­ Plantation schemes have left inaig- The other state of Malaysia on the been arrested for defending the for­ ments, golf courses (end other rec­ enous people dispossessea of their land island of Borneo, timber has been est they need tor their survival, reational facilities for the urban and forced to work to pay oock debts the state's main commodity and as elites) ana new industrial sites, The logging operations ate owned to the government fot the project. 0 result, much ot the state's roinlor- and controlled by politicians and The Bakun dam project would inun­ ests have a ready been destroyed Vv/ith lhe destruction of the rainfor­ their families. The Chief Minister of date on area the size of Singapore by logging activiiies. The export ot est, indigenous men can no longer fulfil their fole in the community as Get ready! Coming actions in Bris­ corporotlons Involved In the tropical * To the Australian Consulates of hungers. Many resort to going to bane include timber ship blockades, timber trade. An Internotlonal boy­ Malaysia, Indonesia and Japan.. work as cheap, unskilled workers In actions of Malaysian Tourism offices cott campaign on the Mitsubishi * To your local Council, towns. Often they are looked down and Consulate, Mitsubishi corporation Is hoped to force this * To the Australian Government, upon by townspeople and ex­ dealerships, hordware stores.... the company to stop Its Involvement In both Federal and State, ploited by greedy business people. sky's the limit. The Brisbane Rainfor­ forest destruction -and it Is hoped To forget their pain and suffering, est Action Group is coordinating that other Corporations will follow QUOTES: many take up drinking. In villages actions - contact Andy at 844 0974. suit. The Penan: near centres, alcoholism In on the The Rainforest Information Centre in MAI.AYSIAN TOURISM "If we came to the towns and ?ook rise, and associated with this, an in- Lismore is the national Information BOYCOTT food from the shops then we would ' crease in domestic violence, write to them: PO Box 368, Lismore Having an economic Impact seems be arrested - so why are people al­ KALIMANTAN NSW 2480, Think about taking up to be one effective way to pressure lowed to come into our forests and Kalimantan, an Indonesian state one of these campaigns as a sub­ the Malaysian government. A cam­ take our food and our homes away covering the southern part of the is­ ject in your university course - or tak­ paign encouraging the public to - why ore they not arrested?" ing up an internship at the head of­ land of Borneo, has seen large scale choose alternative travel destina­ "When they take our forests away fice in Lismore, commercial logging operations tions will be carried out at a local we ore like fish thrown onto the dry •0: since the early 70's, II Is still Indone­ Some ongoing Australian campaigns: level in Australia this year (Visit Ma­ land, like a biro without feathers, like ,<^ sia's major supplier of timber. laysia Year 1994). G'oups are asked CARE - Construction Avoiding Rain­ 0 child left alone In an empty hut - The fact that large scale logging to approach their local travel agents forest Exploitation we cannot live..." 1operation s started early is one of the to provide Information about the situ­ Around Australia groups hove been Saying from the Dayaks of only significant differences in the ation in Malaysia to customers inquir­ lobbying their local councils for a ban Kalimantan: current situction in neighbouring ing about travel to Moloysia. on the use of tropical timbers in pub­ "Whoever cuts down one tree In this Sarawak and Sabah, While the typi­ WRITE A LETTER! lic works. Success so far - over 34 sacred area without permission must cal government line in Indonesia is Doto Seri Dr Mahathir Mohammed Councils In Victoria and 8 Councils in be fined by adat laws. If he refuses that logging brings 'development' Prime Minister of Malaysia NSW have policies that recommend these laws - then he has no adat - and other benefits - studies have Jabatan Perdana Menteri no use of tropical timbers In their con­ and he can be cut down just like the concluded that the net results of JabnDatoOnn structions, Waverley Council in NSW trees he cut down in the jungle," logging is a 120% decrease in In­ has implemented a policy which 50502 Kuala Lumpu,' come to local indigenous peoples, (Adat - is Dayak traditional la w - still bans the use of tropical timber In Malaysia adhered to by the majorily of tribal Plontation schemes often follow in building constructions worth over the footsteps of logging - turning the people in Borneo). $500,000 in their own municipality, Tan Sri Haji Talb Mahmud land into green deserts of Sarawak's Environment Minister, Chief Minister of Sarawak monocultures. Studies have indi­ GOODWOOD James Wong, when told by envi'on- Bangunan Tunku Abdul Rahman V,-. cated about 90% of logging opera­ Guides have now been produced In mentoiists that excessive logging Petra Joya tions are failures and don't deliver Australia which details timbers from would cause weather changes and 93300 Kuchlng the promises made to the people. sustainable and unsustainable 0 decrease in rainfall; Sarawak, Malaysia Projects are promoted by the gov­ sources. By providing bask: Informa­ "It rains too much in Sarawak, it stops ernment one international aid or- tion about alternative timbers to eve­ me from playing golf," ryday consumers we move toward Malaysian Tourism Development 1 ganisations like the Asian Develop- to decrease in demand for Co'poration ^ ment Bank, unsustainably produced ti,Tibers and PO Box 10328,50710 Tactics to steal land away from 0 heightened awareness of the im­ Kuala Lumpur Dayaks include terror and cheating. pacts of our consumption patterns. Malaysia False promises are very common. There have been cases where com­ JAPAN CAMPAIGN/ Mr Tsutomo Hoto panies take village heads owoy MITSUBISHI Ivlinister of Foreign Affairs from the com,Tiunity, give them co­ As the world's largest consumer of 2-2-1 Kasumigaseki pious amounts of alcohol and then tropical timber - Japan is a key Chiyodo-ku, Tokyo 100, Japan. asked to sign their land over to the country for change in the short time company. left to save the for- • ests. By exerting in- ;V' In a typical palm oil plantation ternatlonal pres­ scheme, around 2 hectare of the sure on a federal plantation (planted on their Iradi­ government level tional land) is given to each person. we con help It takes them 10-20 years to pcy off Japanese NGOs in the government loan token out to their attempts to construct the monoculture. By this chonge con­ ^^^^ time the soil will be so seriously de­ sumption habits. pleted, it is unlikely Ihot it will be suit­ able for further cultivation. Reports International pres­ suggest that only 2% of soils ore suit­ sure has also been able for permanent agriculture. brought to bear on some of the IL'ITS UP TO US! major Japanese I -^I^ip^ 10. F'*8p«« ^ v'J.i-

The Forgotten lUar

By David Bolton

"Today in Bougainville 17 people were killed and 26 wounded In a B.R.A. attack on an Army convoy" (24 March, 1994).

For over five years the islsmd of Bougainville in Papua New Guinea (P.N.G.) young, educated clansmen such as Perpetua Sorero and Francis Ona who formed has been the scene of dhe of the most vicious rniiiiary aciions seen in the the New PLA (N.RLA.), The NPLAdemanded an immediate $10 million payout, Pacific since World War II. So far the conflict between the successionist 50% of profits and for the National Government's 20% to go to the Provincial Bougainville Revolutionary Army (B.R.A,) and the PNG Defence Force Government in five years. Upon being rejected Francis Ona formed the (RN.G.D.F.) over CRA's Pang una copper mirie has claimed over five thou­ Bougainville Revolutionary Army (B,R.A.) and commenced using explosives lo sand lives. Australia has a signitigant interest in and responsibility for this sabotage mine installations. Eighteen months of guerilla warfare ensued before conflict in that the mine, which caused the war was established under the PNG recognised the NPLA. However, soon after Mathew Kove of the RMTLTF pre-independance Australian admiriistration and Australia remains a strong and the PLA executive disappeared, ailedgedly murdered by the BRA. The supporter of the PNG government. However, throughout the course of the mine was closed and the government offerred a $300 mi lion development plan conflict Australian media coverage has been typified by this article's opening over 7 years. When the BRA insisted upon independance the police and military quotation, simply the echo of yet another skirmish which may as well be on withdrew and the BRA overran the island. the other side ofthe world; ralher than a short distance from the Queensland icoast, \i\ .] ''':'"''' With the closure of the Panguna mine the PNG economy was dealt a deathblow losing 45% of its export income and 12% of GDP. A previously strong '0% With the outbreak of World War | Australia conquered German New Guinea growth rale dropped to zero. Generous loans from the World Bank and the and united the British arid German diwaions into PNG which, with League of International Monetary Fund helped to maintain government services. The dam­ Nations and United Nations authority, rernained under Australian administra­ age to the economy added lo the fact that a nation as diverse as PNG could be tion until 1975, This adrninistratlpn has been generally described as a pe­ seen to tolerate successionist movements meant that when Colonel Nuia ot the riod of benevolent neglect! The only substantia! attention which remote parts PNGDF illegally landed in northern Bougainville in 1991 the government chose of PNG such as Bougainville received during this period was ac battefields to return to Bougainville, although Coi Nula was withdrawn. Excesses commit­ between Japanese and Allied forces, with over 19,000 casualties on ted by the undisciplined BRA guerillas against enemy clans turned many Bougainville alone. AfterVyorid War II Australia set about the difficult task of Bougainvillians against them and enabled the PNGDF lo carry out a winning preparing PNG for independance. Turning PNG into an independant nation "hearts and minds" strategy Today 75% of Bougainville Is under government involved numerous complications, two of which seriously Impacted upon the control and most ofthe population is forced to reside in government CARE cen­ Bougainvillians. Firstly, the.borders of PNG encompass over 700 language tres for fear of BRA attacks. The BRA now consists of a core of disaffecled groups each with their own Indentity. The people of Bougainville especially clans supplied by sympathisers in the Solomons which lhe ill-equipped PNGDF had more in common'with the people of the Solomon Islands, rather than lsunabletopacifyr/;\; ' •' those they referred tojas the "redskins" from the main island of F'NG who .jjr ,">-••' '•"•-• • came to Bougainville as plantation workers and later governmentofficials. Throughout'thi|?cbhflict the Australian government has maintained that it is an Overcoming these differences has been PNG's greatest challenge. Sec­ internal affalrfor PNG to deal with. Australia has always provided PNG with an ondly, PNG hacl to find'a'way to finance infrastructure development and the aid programme which diminishes yearly In 1993-4 Australia will provide PNG provision of basic gpYemment services as Australia reduced ite level of fi­ with $28 million worth of military aid, most of which will go into training and ihe nancial support. Australian, administrators, some of whom had been con­ rest into engineering and mapping projects in v/estern PNG. The only aspect of templating having PMiE^jeiidyfof independance as late as the 1990's, strove the Bougainville operation which Australia has directly assisted is in the provi­ to find PNG some sprt'^pf.economic security when the independance date sion of four Iroquois helicopters which were not to be used as gunships. How­ was sel for 1975 and np^doubt heaved a sigh of relief when a copper mine ever, Col Nuia did mount machine guns on the helicopters in the 1991 landings. was found next to a di^ep.water port on the island of Bougainville. Today only one of the helicopters is partially operating, a victim of the steady decline of the PNGDF. The initial reports frbr[j;surveyprs indicates that most Bougainvillians were opposed to the mine right from the start. Bougainville's matrilinlal clan struc­ The BRA also has its supporters receiving aid from overseas groups. Including ture placed great erTip|i^]s upon the ownership of tracts bf landyyhich were Australians, which is smuggled in from the Solomon Islands. This aid has al­ strictly divided amof(g)^B:Clan8,' Land meant food, security, status and mar­ lowed the BRA to operate in a just as effective, and-much more direct mamer, riage. By the; time the;|Tiij(iiB;w^^ up and running in 1975 it was 2.5km across as Australian government aid has assisted the PNGDF Only last month four and had cont£wn|nat6

11 Generatio byAletha Blazevich My inspiration for this piece was a two page lifl out printed in the Sun­ day Mail, billed as a compixhensivc Files "Guide" to our generation, wilh quotes from real live young people and everything. I initially dismissed it as being one of those crappy, half- faked human interest articles which many newspapers unfortunately tend to rate on an equal footing wilh real news as essential reading for the in­ formed citizen. Il seemed to be aimed at those nosey A typical "political" discussion be­ because of ils pessimistic view that old lypes ihat love lo think ihem­ tween my friend and I might follow habil? Looking back at a few such even collectively il is impotent.) selves completely au fail with the along these lines: - conversations I've been involved in, I think it could validly be said that However, it looks as ihough someone ways "those young 'uns out there"; 1. A tentative observation is made: perhaps we were engaging in little out there might have gone just a little the sort of thing ihey could carry e.g. such and such docsn 't seem quite more than pseudo-political/emotional bit too far. Unfortunately, it is not just around as a useful reference tool in fair, does it? 2. Mutual confirmation: masturbation (self-induced verbal ex­ our political wits, but also our trust case of such an emergency as actu­ - no, I agree. 3. Animation: - Jusi citement) maybe the very character­ and credulity in the media itself which ally having to converse wilh one of look at the situation! the whole those alien life forms - a young per­ istic endemic lo our generation could have been irreparably damaged by a thing's just unbelievable! 4. Violent relentless exposure to mis-presenta­ son. excitement: - It's bloody unfair! 5. be reduced to a chapter in Eric Berne's "Games People Play"? tion, suspiciously selective omis­ Basically, il was a reiteration of all Indignation: - someone should be sions, double speak and general the things thai have been said recently doing something about it! (our After all, didn't "Despondency" and balony about the economy and so by a number of writers about our gen­ speech is still animated, bul our hands "Apathy" arrive just a little swiftly forth, which we arc subjected to on a eration; namely, thai we arc all very arc flying less wildly). 6. More sub­ and unconvincingly after such parox­ daily basis through the media. depressed, apathetic, cynical, elc. It dued speculation: - I wonder why ysmal political feeling? In some compared us lo previous generations, thcj' aren't? They musl know. 7. Con­ countries, we'd have just joined our Thus it is that the seemingly impos­ and repeated all the usual tags - jecture: - could il be that the whole peers on the streets in protest. Were sible has occurred. Today's malleable "Generation x", "The Gloom Genera­ world really is corrupi and someone we relieved to have an "oul" to avoid (or is that ductile?) youth have been tion", etc. so badly treated thai (horror of hor­ rors) they aren't even responding lo The excuse for running yet another advcrtising.Advertising!! The very "Today's Youth" article was ihal a They're out there Scully. lubricant to the cogs of an excessively well-known advertising agency cater­ consumptive world! How it must be ing lo very large corporations like There's a vrhole genercrtion sending a few multi-nationals into Coca Cola has supported the general carly retirement. The oil-price shocks consensus ihrough some research of ofthe 1970s were nothing compared its own. Il thinks we're gloomy too. of them out there... to this crisis. But, as tempting as il is Despile being irritated with the writ­ al this point to gratuitously degener­ er's "Ageism" or "Gencrationism" ate into a blccful spiel about he fol­ who isn't really very nice controls il laking action? Much of this lies in the (nya nya! I was a "Boomer" and wc all anyway? 8. Despondency and apa­ lies of playing god {although it rcally were exciting and revolutionary, nol realm of psychology, and being an does serve you right you Orwellian thy: - I guess Ihere's nolhing we can economics/law student, il is beyond like you insipid lot!), I found that a do about it. Perhaps there's no poinl bastards!) I am slightly sobered by the me. The more pertinent question is: largo degree, my sympathies lay with in even talking or thinking about it. I Ihough that even now, hundreds of - is there any hope for change? the mainstream view. mean, life's so complicated as it is. brilliant market analysts are probably Who'd listen to us? We're just a cou­ Interestingly, tiic answer to this last labouring with the herculean task of Wc probably are a pretty gloomy stemming the flow of funds being bunch in many ways. (Speaking from ple of teenagers, and I've got an as­ question lay in the C-M article it­ signment due on Monday. self..... squandered in profitless, failed adver­ the point of view of parental obser­ tising campaigns. vations - ".My God you're a dismal Such a discourse could be considered To the casual reader, our generation's lot!"; as well as my own intuitive feel­ exemplary of many held by our peers: political diffidence might only seem It is only a matter of time before they ings - "Shil, I'm depressed!"; nol to - in the space of bul a few minutes, to have sad repercussions for our own redeem themselves to Ihcir employ­ mention comments from counsellors our youthful aspirations for changing futures. In facl, that is but an insig­ ers (the multi-nationals product com­ - "Actually, you're nol alone in these the world have withered away to nificant concern when compared with panies) and figure oul how lo sell to feelings"; and lastly my belief that an nolhing afler being only tentatively the plight of a group of people who generation X. advertising agency catering lo the have really suffered from such wide­ raised for discussion. But this might nol be as dispiriting a multi-nationals would probably be spread and deep-seated gloom. Their Ihoughl as you might think. If it is fairly accurate aboul something like But need the conversation have taken quandary is perhaps one of the truest not outrageously audacious for me to this) in fact, I think they hit the nail the turn it did? Perhaps my friend and examples of people being hurt inad­ pre-empt their fairly squarely on the head. 1 arc rcally nothing more than irre­ vertently by their own actions: (re­ analysis, deemable teenage nihilists who se­ ally parable stuff!) I That is why I thought I'd substanti­ cretly enjoy "futility highs"? I'm nol would say ate this view by taking a brief look of sure. AU I can say is that I'm pretty As we all know, the powers-that-be that "they"' my own at two naive and archetypal sure that we're very representative of have, through control and manipula­ have only members ofthe "Gloom Generation", "Gcncralion X", so lhe questions tion of the media, successfully ren­ two options. (I being one half of the pair) and in­ would be more appropriately directed dered the vast majority of today's dicate how it can be no great revela­ at the whole of our peer group: -what youth into a pleasantly and comfort­ tion to the critical observed how it is gives? ably indifferent bunch when It comes j_2 tli''t wc came lo earn our uninspiring to politics and social issues (or al least Have we merely gotten into a bad tiileof"gloomers". a bunch which presents no real threat GENERATION (X) FILES 60s and in doing so, return to those halcyon to....3. Instate a really inspiring po­ The first is to exploit, to their tell us what would restore your con­ litical leader: - it's not really all that advantage, this mass despond­ days when merely flashing the peace .sym­ fidence in yourselves and your abil­ ency. By directly addressing it bol meant he could appropriate the entire fair that we missed out on a Gogh ity 10 shape your destinies and shake in the commercials. The other youth market from his competitors. Pretty Whitlam of our very own. Such a that nasty cynicism and we'll do il!" is to give us reason to become exciting stuff. leader would give us much needed At least that's how I see it. the exuberant, optimistic and Now before I gel loo carried away wilh the confidence in the polilicai process revolutionary generation to advertising boom likely to be coming to a ^^^ "^^•^'^ "^ "^^^^ 'hat someone in theSo , 10 conclude, if you agree wilh my which our parents belong(or l.v. sel near you, you might like lo recall my established order sympathises with analysis oflhe whole thing (or ifyou should I say belonged - observation that the fact that advertisers ^"^ '^'^'''''^- (""^'' "1"=^' ^^^ '^at the simply can't bear the thought thai you Ihey're a bit quiet now), might already be on the path to marketing sympathy must be genuine. I'm afraid personally are sabotaging the genu­ success again might nol be as depressing a '^al the ones presented for selection ine attempts of honest, hardworking Perhaps uncharacteristically, I capitalists to sell us their incredibly will adopt a positive outlook thought as all that for those who like to sec at present rcally won't do, as they have tended to foster the very cyni­ socially - useful merchandise) why and settle on the latter as the big people suffer. Perhaps you would be be­ don't you pen a little note lo our fa­ more likely option to be pre­ ginning to see why. cism and disunity proving lo be such an impediment to marketing strate­ vourite transnational co. and let it ferred. Lei me elucidate upon If know what it could be doing wrong? advertisers are really serious about mak­ gies. this undoubtedly paradoxical ing us morc enthusiastic about life in all its Don't you ihink it's the least you conclusion, by exposing the facets (most importantly that of conspicu­ 1 could continue in this view wilh a could do? first option to ridicule. ous consumption) they will need lo imple­ whole string of suggestions, but more Quite simply, advertising cam­ ment a few strategies which will have acci­ simply. 1 might say thai the sky's the paigns centred on the former dentally pleasant ramifications. limit on this one. It's shaping up to be a bit of a blank cheque: - "You would be plain silly. Can you For example, "ihey" will probably need to.... imagine il? "Feeling futile? 1. Restore full employment: -while depres­ Well! you'll certainly look the sion levels of youth un­ part in product X!"; or "for thai employment have had the hard-earned thirst you get Available at these distinct advantage of per­ Precision Eyewear stores: standing in that dole queue, mitting excitingly bold • BRISBANE cm T.neMjerCert'c- drink product Y!" Let's face it, encroachments on hard- 229 543S that's silly. Also, if we're so • BRISBANE CITY Wir'.f'gaiier. won victories of indus­ 2212785 cynical and depressed, not trial legislation, it docs UNfflHIY •ASANA HiaS KMo'l even that level of candour have a "down-side". (Yes, 351 6213 would have any effect upon us. »A£PlEYH>p'ermarisei I know this is obvious to 263 5935 Furthermore, (and this is the cru­ anyone who is unem­ • EEENLEIGHVr;iageW3!l 287 30-52 cial point) existing as we do in ployed. I'm referring to • BRCOKSIDESnopp.igCeilre a semicom-alosed state of po­ the "down-side" for 354 3313 litical apathy and despair, the en- multi-nationals.) • CANNO'JHlLLShocpngFla.'a 3906104 lire spectrum of hopelessly di­ You sec, the feeling thai •CA.PALABA FAfiK ShcpDing Ce.ntre verse emotions and preoccu­ we are, if the truth be 2454057 pations possessed by people of ~1 ut •CHERMSIDEMyef known, competing wiih SPECl 3590407 our age lends lo lake the fore- even our friends for a very A •FAIRFIELD Gardens Shopping Ce.ntre over and above olher identify­ 8462498 limited supply of golden •aARDFN CITY Shoppng Centre ing characteristics. tickets to material pros­ SPECTACLES AND 343 5434 Naturally, this facl is a verita­ perity has made us all just • IMXJOROOPILLY ShcppinglOAR CONTACT LENSES 3785893 ble nightmare for advertisers, a tiny bit loo prematurely • IPSWICH City Square who strive to unify us into one callous and cynical for 2021294 their comfort. It is crucial FOR STUDENTS • LOGAN Hyperdome single consuming bracket. As 8014476 a generation, we are ridicu­ that we should be able lo ANDSTAF •MTOMMANEY Shopping Centre lously fragmented, and any at­ be relatively free lo think 3765307 about more than mere sur­ •SPRiNGWOOD Amdae Shoppiig Centre tempt to advertise to us will 8082830 only ever convert about 0.5%. vival, and begin to real­ •STAFORD City Shopping Centre ise that we share certain cyxD 3526641 No. I am quile certain that desires and aspirations, •STRATHPINE Shoppingtown something more adventurous •Trendy fashion frames with single 205 7351 Incidentally, this is some­ •SUNNVBM

H'W W^^^4''

13 4»&,*-rt^Lthe e5„^.^£l? ^ -^55?^~^5tSt='^oent ^ 'O'SWi 'nto *etoess At. ^fitlnic, sn^o/ Ball is ^ "f^on,,f "ac. well 4s ^"tf flood. you readtijis %i %, ffie •t- """'""*««„,.'>*C'Otftf * ^''tfyo.rHvesw/l/ftef/rn,,, o^es/c ;.Hi'»fl . o ^°'^^e.a,or,.rarlesoryo.rMroo.. 4. /!7A C This is a very different land from fair Anissa's. iv.

\ "»tf ^ %,

% fai'ffSeL 'astivee ^

"EXAM ADVICE TAKE 1" Us Hint 1. Swot vac Swot Vac is simply an excuse to irritate everyone by giving them a week to get panicky about everything for no good reason. My advice is to skip it '%, entirely. For those with good metabolic control, hibernation is strongly recommended. Similarly being drunk tor a week or a seven day orgy tends only three wePk^ «*., . '"*A to take your mind off things. ' '^ee weeks of sleep deprivation Hint 2. Revision Classes can provide. A glorified ego trip for lecturers. They get pleasure out of dozens of frail Q\ necessity student's pleading with them for answers. Or even better forgetting to attend tutorials they set themselves, fvly advice is lo not bother, ignorance is bliss so don't bother yourself unduly. Alternatively turn the tables and ^orn this article out point out every inconsistency in the course. Gets em every time. ^as Hint 3< Sleepiness People have drastically altered sleep patterns in Swot Vac. Soma can't <^^ sleep, some can't stay awake, nobody's normal. For those seeking to prolong the agony i.e. stay awake. I tieartily recommend drugs, Cocaine's ideal but heavy on the pocket, For those more normal folks No Doz is great, Try nol sleeping for three weeks on the stuff. You'll never liave looked beller. Hint 4. Hopelessness Is it all too much? Do you just feel you can't go on and that cliff is looking mighty attractive after all? Well I'd like to say do it and good riddens loser, but I can't, the Ed's say it's nol a very responsible idea to put in someone's head. Now while David Koresh looked good for a while there, and Guns and wife swapping can be fun, my personal recommendation goes to the J.W.'s Yes the good o!e Jehovah's Witness'. After all would you rather be incinerated in Texas or iust bs lold to piss of while handing out Watchtower? Haemophiliacs could be in for trouble though. Hint 5. Calculators I have found in my extensive occult researches that along with demons for normal Ihings like murder, rape and journalism there is a demon whose sole actively is destroying calculators. The faculty Deans evoke this demon each year and chain them under lhe Physic's building. As a result you can be assured your calculator will die when you need it most. Spite the bugger and learn your tables. Hint 6. Food Contrary lo popular belief tood is not transmitted by divine force into palatable stuff just by virtue of exam period. The vomiling. diarrhoea and dizziness, you though it was stress. Oh no it was the daily special. Hint 7. Study Alarming as it maybe, no research actually proves that study is an aid in passirg tests. Hint 8. Exam Supervisors These are non-people snap frozen at their height of useiessness in 1952 and kept in cryogenic storage under Ihe libraries (that's why they're so cold), they are then thawed out each year as an army of willing help for the Powers thai be Note that they still aren't quite thawed so stabbing them won't kill tnem (trust me you want to kill them, they need to be killed, indulge yourself) but a stout hit wilh a big stick will do the trick shattenng them into a million harmless ice shards. Hint 9. Answers Yes finally the business ena of the thing. Answering the exam. Can't be of much help here but there's a few hints if you haven't a clue. LAW; Cause some judge said so. SCIENCE: Cause evolution said so. MED: It's Dead Jim COMP, SCI: 01010101000111 ENGINEERING: Cause Newton said I could, ARTS. Life is meaningless, god is dead and Ren and Stimpy are in reruns. PHYS.O; His leg is tucked. PHARMACY: Due to personal use of knowledge I have no brain. Hint 10. Markers The Lecturers are satanic, vamplric nasty sods. So religious themes are strongly discouraged but a lashing of virgin's innocent blood can raise your grade two points. Can be hard to gel a virqin around tiere though. So there it is shining happy studiars, may the collected wisdom of my time here aid and console you. Mind, anybody who takes the advice of a brain dead Biochemistry drop out is a moron anyway. Happy studying, S. L. Cameron

14.

1.1] «A/*.0»l/<'v -X 4* Kg •« IM M •• '» il /^ 3 CVK»( -4^ ••,.,, -<*-..'«;v>^;y' .•

' ' "iJ'. *7!-

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT

«l 9 «jl(fCMM9 vs 9 ril||CIW«9 A mmm m «, ^^ .^ «ijts« ?" i«f j> CtA/$.«llt/ -a»«~ . -a ^t tio M •II 4« u if* t MMni ^ > cwni

•it^.'-''

• MM:^' ' \^' 'ill N't ^ ^^^m-"*'. .:^:^-^' .w,-:r i^' .

TAMILY EDITION" OF

«r9aMi<«H* - 9119 rttPCMUW A RMtq* «« 'r

»want , ir -14% .•-,''»f«iK-

lli,i,>»f^ I

A MMfTON W O r«»tC iOtM 9a 9 miCNun A MMTOi V» 9 "••« *>M* M 9 piitrciww A mnm MO ii'tmit'lii »^., , „^ I* « w l^ -I M *^'^ IMM 41 4i It fu I • I WW! • WW! . W 4#*

"-i^rt^

:.•• ^^^^

•^ft?'-

OOPS! WHITE ON BLACK

A mnnm «« « r«mi MMl VU 9 raii<;MM9 A wvi9« ««

/:.•.;-<

••""^^J ^•^*si^ ] Remembering Tiananmen

Ttiis 4th of June is the 5th anniversary of the In the middle of the Great Court there is a Tiananmen Square massacre where troops of small tree next to a plaque planted half a China's Peoples' Liberation Army gunned down decade ago when the sound of the gunfire several thousand university students calling for from Tiananmen Square was fresher in our ilf^ democratic reforms. Ever since the May 4th minds, AsAustralians, and Australian uni­ Movement in 1919 Chinese students have versity students especially, we have the been campaigning for democracy and better right to gather, speak and criticise without government generally China has come a long fear of reprisal. So this June 4 stop by the way providing a better standard of living and littte tree in the Great Court that is our more security for the average citizen than ever memorial to the dead students of before. However, Tiananmen Square showed Tiananmen Square, and remember our us that the rights of annoying individuals re­ fellow students to the north who gave their mains nil and that one of the most powerful lives for something which we take for countries in the world continues to be domi­ granted. nated by an armed minority.

'W -M -l^MiJMt I jrjiSB

P«*

I ••

•.->;•«'

'.v\"!

.'-5-c?!

'•> iy \A

J*^ Open 12 noon daily, Mon - Sat /^

o

c3 to FREE -U55 SCHONELL CINEMA 00- [D^^gaai ^ TICKET EACH DAY! i

V^dtmiM' u nONT£Zl)ltA$ 1185 MoggHIRd. TARINGA IJosl vuiue Mexican IVleals in Brisbany OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK FOR LUNCH AND DINNER Takeaways available until 6.30pm •DAS KAFSeHAUS Bookings essential • Phone 870 3900 • Credit Cards not accepted Cnr Sir Fred Sclioiicll Drivo and Ryaiis Hoad Si' Lucia. Ph (07) 870 9499 17

Part 3 BREAKING UP IS HARD TD DO 'Alas! 1 am all alone! What has become of my life? [Or, How To Becoma Bitter And Twisted In 4 Easy To Follow StapsI] It has been cut to the bone, Softening The Blow: "I Just Want You To Know That We Can Rrill RR Friends..." Yeah, with a blunt Sizzler steak knife" right; and they just might give Adolf Hitler that posthumous award for outstanding serv­ This veritab'e gem of poetic expression is but a small portion of my 18 part. 1,000 line ices tc humanity. Anyone who Actually believesth\s line should have the word "SUCKER" epic angst poem Oh God, what don't people like me. and v/hat could I have possibly done stamped across their forehead and told about the prime real estate available on Russell to deserve this, it's just not bloody well fair, for myself it's an intensely moving and Island. This is because most of the times you will hear this well worn cliche, it will turn emotional poem, packed with personal references [not the "blunt Sizzler steak knife" out to De complete bullshit. After being earnRstly told that "yns, we'll always be friends", line), that chronicles myjourneythrough the emotional wasteland after a break-up (sym­ it is 110% certain that you will never hear fron them again and theyll ignore your calls. bolised in part 4 when I wande- lost through a shopping mall with no money or credit The next time you eventually do see them thay will have been married to an ex-inmate cards) and my eventual road to inner peace and harmony [symbolisec in part 17 when from Longbay. have had two noisy children, be living in Redcliffe. and be "very mucT in I finally emerge from the mall with "a ful' trciley."]. You're qu.te welcome to ask mc frif a love." Gosh, yourweddirg invite must have been lost in the post- copy of it, but I won't blame you sf you don't... So, if yau bcth know that the "let's be friends' line is complete bullshit, then why bother using it 3t alP This is what is known as "softening the blow." in an attempt to salvage Let me stress, dc NOT wr.te angst poetry. Consider' it as a community service. Kw. r;;-'ly your rapidly collapsing self-esteem, ycur partner will tell you t'lat while they are not will you be snaring your loved C'nes the agcny of erdearine; yoi.r- .'ngst .-idden trash but interested in you in a romsncic fashion, tney still think that you are "a wonderful person." ycu vvill be spared the shame of having to acknowledge it as your own c"eat'on when you This, despite the- obvious contradiction in the logic [tell me: if you re so damned wonder­ feel better G,"anced, writing it cown iS goca (writing :t dow.^ in a trashy student n^oer With an approxi.mate pr'nt run of B.OCG is even better...), but one can only wa lov; so ful then why on earth are they dump;ng you?), is intended to "soften the blow." Gosh, much i.n their misery - to what extent is it a cathartic release ond to what extent •:- :t that's real swell of them, but does it work? merely picking at einotional scabs'' Anyway if you do insist on writing such verse [ord I Well, lEt's put this "softening the blow" thing to the test, shall ws? Ready? use the term ver/ loosely] please keep it to yourself. * ; 1. GraD a mattresG [any nottrecs will do), Okay; you can't write angst poetry, and you can't be friends with your old lover - both 2. Rnd a particularly busy section of the Bruce Highway, and stand by the side ofthe are rather self destructive courses of action. Gosh, this breaking up thing is pretty road v;ith your mattress. darned hard! But what v/ill your friends say when you turn to them...

3. Wat until a particularly large truck bears down upon you. 'There ar^ plentv of fish in the sea.,.": Welcome tn nlicheworld!

4. Step in front of the truck, but hold the mattress up between yourself and the vehicle Hmm, well personally, I don't see what a statement concerning the amount of aquatic to "soften the blow." wildlife in our oceans has to do with a romantic break-up, 1 mean, I don't even /(.te fishing,

Hmm, any help? I thought not... what do /want v;ith a bloody fi£h...oh! How silly of me! It's a metaphor. And believe you me, during your time of anguish and howling at the moon, you will be offered hundreds Look, let's not mince words. Breaking up hurts, A lot. Actually, mcst people vjould rather of these veritable pearls of wisdom [although they don't all revolve around fish]. hack tneir own legs off with a blunt bred knife than have their heart broken, and a half arsed attempt by your partner to salve their guilty conscience by "softening the blow" is How about this chestnut; "You knov>f, getting back on the horse is the best thing right not going to help you. As the saying goes, with friends like that, who needs enemies... now." Well, fuck me, I never learned to ride! Or how about this favourite; "You know, one day you'll look back on this and laugh." Well. gosh, thanks, but that doesn't help me noiv, "But wait!" 1 hear you cry, "Don't be so damned cynical! What if you both really do want does it! Oh, and if anybody tells you that "The true 'one' is out there somewhere; youll to be friends?" Well, hey, that's iuct great, give yourself a pat on the back, but I'm sorry meet them one day", you are fully entitled to smasn them across the jaw. to say that you still can't De friends. Chances are. you're going to be twisting the knife quite adequately by yourself by flicking through the metaphonic photograph album that Come on! Who wants to listen to this banal shit even if it /swell intent'oned? Sure, one is your memory, and lingering over particularly happy snapshots. The last thing you can see how true these metaphors and cliches are with a clear, unclouded state of need at such a time is your old lover to help yau tv>(ist the knife. Sure, the past may have mind; but it should be noted that it's just a little bit too difficult to think clear'y when been beautiful, but those days are gone. Remaining in contact would be something like you've just been reduced to a blithering idiot. You need fielp, not, a literary device de­ dressing up like a duck and running through swamps in the hunting season - you're :ust signed to help you see the truth of the Situation! You're in pain, goJdaminit. and no asking for trouble. metaphor, cliche [or and logy fcr that matter] is gcing to stop you from feeling 't!

Okey. so we've established that you can't be friends with your o d lover no mattsr how Which, very really, brings us to our final stop in our tour of the wonderful world of break much you may wantto. But oliances are you're still going to turn into an absolute bas­ ups. ket-case because of your break up. So what can you do to cope? "Nobody 1 Inderstands fVly Pain' - The Grtef Monopoly

"I wandered Lonely As A pigMrf...": The therapeutic Value of Angst Poetr-y. It is a popular Okay let's review rhe situation so far. shall we? You're had your heart broken, you know misconception that if a considerable amount of emotion is invested in the writing of an that you ivon't and can't be friends with your former partner, you're an emotional bas- angst poem, then it must be good. This misconception ignores the fundamental flaw of ket-casG, all your friends can do is offer you soma WRH - vjorn cliches, and then you read al! angst poetry - it is truly awful. It would appear that all one needs to write angst a cynical, jumped up little article in a trashy student paper telling you that you can't even poetry is; 1. An overdeveloped sense of self-pity, 2. The ability to turn a personal mishap write your angst poetry because it's av/ful. Gosh, t's enough to make you throw your into a tragedy of cosmic significance, and 3. A total lack of literary skill. arms in the air with frustration and include that "nobody understands my pain!"

Why an angst poem's "emotion" should excuse the poet's complete lack of literary Weil, as much as I hate to burst your bubble, almost everybody understands yojr pain. prowess is beyond me. Unfortunately, this emphasis on "emotion" has made self-pitying Uh-huh, thafs right The fact that you've read this far into the article is a sure sign that angst poetry legitimate, and as a consequence much truly hideous verse has been I've touched a chord in you [or a sign that you're homing for at least one lame gag by the inflicted upon the world. end of the article - sorry, but that's undergraduate humour for you!]. Anyway, who gave you the monopoly on grief? Enduring a break-up does not mark you as being different or Much angst poetry has its genesis in a romantic break-up, and after such an event you special in any way; in fact, it is more unusual to have nothad a h-'eakup than it is to have yourself may have had the urge to pick up a pen and share your pain with the world had one. Consequently, when ycu tell the bank clerk/check out attendant/newsagent/ through your art If you are considering penning some angst verse, let me give you a piece total stranger you run into on the street the story of your break-up and burst into tears of advce: don't While suffering a break-up may very easily be some of the worst pain you for the 2Bth time, they w;//understand vjhat you're going through - chances are, they're will have to endure, inflicting it upon others through your atrocious poetry is an act of pure been through it themselves. Of course, this doesn't make breaking up any easier biit it spite and selfishness. Hrrm. don't believe me? Well, consider fo" example the following (S comforting to know that at somie time, at some stage, everybody will or has gont; poetic expression of internal pain and formant that 1 myself penned recently: through the trials and tribulations of a breakup - and usually survived. Welcome to the human race kiddo.

Cameron (gosh, it feels good to be writing again) Eeels The Ballad of Harry McDougal Harry McDougal, desk jockey by trade Had reached the age of thirty. But of ladles the lad was somewhat Silver City on the afraid, He kept telling himself "They'll hurt Plantinum Moon me." i need to escape to another worid i need the love of a spaced out giri Harry worked hard, he knew ho'd go far i need a planet of my own If his lack of a love life was not so I need and want you alone bizarre. Aii I need is you So after another long day full of tears My cosmic child you know what i do He asked Qod to help him get married Hope we will get th this year. To Silver City on tli ^i^lnuj IMoon Across the univers ess the room Harry entered a Church and strolled To Silver City on th^TTbtinum Moon You're, alone. down the aislo Where life is slower In this dark and ugly worid And kneeled in the nave for a long, WheroaBveryone plays to a different Yet you turn away the person who, long while. « tune Would want to be your friend His face turned red as he squirmed on Down here they mine your mind his knees And don't leave a trace of memory A friend who will help you And cr..«d "God i'm so lonely, send help behind And help to ease you pain to me please." But its different out in sapce To stand ^ you in trouble ';^ Inner, outer space the new wild wast And be with you aii your days^. The very next day he went head over Undiscovered by all the rest heels, i.eave the worst take the best A friend who is loyal •' In a queirit.he met Sally Malone. Oh wowl Wo'ra impressed A friend who will care He ca'rh'^the bus hom? thinking "She l.eave al ithis earn to doom and gloom A friend who will love you can't bo reaiiy, To Silver City on the Platinum Moon Who will help when you despair She's gorgeous, she''sn7artand she's Across the universe across room also alone!" When I die bury me IA a satin tomb A friend who wili do anything in Silver City on the Platinum Moon To help your dreams come true A thousand emotions raced through But this is a polite friend Harry's head^ Who wili knock and not barge through He seriously thought it was Sally he'd wed. A friend you can c Ali of a sudd^ it genuinely seemed With a confldenci He'd now have a life of a kind he'd Prisoners of War A bond whjch wili dreamed. A bond^'at wili n "POW's are political leavers - So it came to pass that Harry soldiers on the table as McDougai national leaders play war games. Began conslderin'-«*'mseif a winner. Freedom is a birthright - not an He called on Sally, feeling very optional extra." conjugal, propose to her over dinner. Barbed wire and fenced steel, The sound of marching feet. arry opened his girlfriend's front Rain beating on corrugated iron. Masking their screams. bounded Caught in the crossfire of political confrontation, ^is true They suffer for the choices of others, in the wrong place at the wrong time, ^AiMl d09P In (Us body ^is soul started Thoy become statistics. VIMciUng.' •,, ;.

Ha stood transfixed then whirled and fled . . , , with the slavering hound behind his back. H« fait a bit upon his head Then foil, and then felt all turn black.

• *» Poor Sally tried to save her suitor's life. She yanked iiis assailant's stumpy tail. She cried "Oh, Harry, I'll be your wife!" And kissed his tattered face, to no avail.

A doctor came to see the mess. He said "No need to cry now, Sally. There's reaiiy nothing I can do for him, IMiss, He's with God now, good old Harry." Raphael could hear the roar of the crowa ence Raphael was in a hurry to validate. fomied the mutations that had set him up to be "Unfortunately he was not placing his money | a gladiator and he supposed it could have been from almost a kilometre away as the air car As a result of never using face and living fru­ on you," began its final descent into the arena. He worse. He coukl have been a soldier or a cleaner gally he had managed to save the small Raphael thought of the ramifications of his allowed the sound to wash over him before or one of lhe group mind pleasuregirls that were amount of money that Stegman was required trainers last statement as tv/enty eight grams closing his eyes and meditating briefly It was so common at the arena. by law to pay his gladiators. He had used his of pure methamphetamine was instantly difficult for him to maintain a clean focus winnings for bets on himsell which he used Because of his hands when he first started pumped into his blood stream. though, as his cybergenetically enhanced, his trainer to place for him as it was illegal for fighting many told him that he would nol last "He thinks I will loose." t seven hur?dred and twenty kilogram body him to bet. He had all his money on tonight's more than five minutes in an arena but so far was cramped in the small space provided 'I think he is going to try lo make you loose, malch and if he won he would be free ahd he had won all ol his twenty bouts. Most be­ for him by his owner. Most champions were I think he is planning something." Huzzard have a small amount left over to start a new lieved his victories came from his weapons transported in custom aircars, specially de­ said. He interrupted Raphael as he was life with. If he lost he would be dead. and his training. His body contained numer­ signed to be comfortable for creatures of about to speak, II had worried him all week that Stegman had ous hidden weapons such as the long metal such large bulk. Raphael's owner was stingy "I know, I know, it doesn't take a genius to been nice to him. No gladiator had ever cable whip that was hidden in his righl fore­ and his only concession to Raphael's com­ figure out that he is going to do somelhing. bought their freedom off Stegman and he arm that he could use and then retract at any fort was to rip a few seats out of an old aircar With four million credits bel against you he would be the first. The only champion who time. He had trained for speed and was faster and place a ragged tattami mat on the floor. would want to be sure the other guy v/ins. had ever gotten close was killed in his last lhan most of his opponents even though Usually champions were given good treat­ Hell, he may have even teemed up with bout before freedom and that was a prec­ some of them had been much larger. He had ment by their owners; a good champion Gadrocks owner." He paused. edent that Raphael didn't want to think about. begun studying the art of throwing and bone could make a true breed man fantastically destruction just ten days after being born. He "Which is why i want you lo take this." rich and Raphael had certainly made his He felt the bump of the aircars struts as they had used more than 10, OOOmg of steroids a owner, Stegman, a lot of money. Stegman landed. The champion he was fighting to­ Huzzard reverently handed Raphael a small day for all his life and was continually under didn't care though. He could legally treat his night was good. Gadrock og Nazareth was dagger. Raphael took it without much con­ the influence of chemical enhancers. Yet slaves, which was anybody not of pure or the reigning martian champion and had sideration and v/as about to put it in his leg Raphael privately believed it was none of unmutated human stock, as he so desired, eighteen fights for eighteen wins, all of them pouch when he noticed the blade had a blue those qualities that had helped him to win as fatalities. Any ofthe dying champions could wetness about it. He held il for a moment (which was why Raphael was glad tonight he was a firm believer that a man, even a have been revived by saving the brain and longer, staring at a weapon thai was obvi­ was Ihe last fight one way or another. When mutant man's greatest weapon v;as his mind. growing a new body; but the true blood sen­ ously dipped in MDNA, before throwing it to a genetic gladiator won back his birthing and With Gadrock being so much bigger and ate had made it illegal for any but a free the ground in disgust. enhancement price he was allowed by law powerful he knew it would have lo be his strat­ citizen to be resurrected. to pay back his master and be set free. He egies and cunning that bought about lhe gi­ "If I were to be caught using that I would be knew he could never be a true breed but it Raphael stepped out of the air car and when ant's downfall and not brule strength. executed immediately huzzard and you was certainly better than the arena. they saw him the crov/d went wild. Looking know it, Nol even Gadrock with his reputa­ Gadrock's owner was apparently very good out from the air strip platform Raphael could tion for cheating would stoop so low. Be­ Most masters did not like the thought of los­ to him and provided accurate information and see the packed galleries clearly and could sides he may call for a weigh in.' ing any gladiators. It was hard to pay the own­ old trideo footage of his upcoming opponents. almost make out individual faces. All true ers back as they added exorbitant interest Raphael knew that to go inlo this match and A weigh in was a relic left over from the olden humans were separated from the mutants rates and were clever and tried to make sure use any of the tricks he had used previously days of fighting and really had nothing to do of course and it made him think his position their gladiators became addicted to face, a would result in his death as Gadrock would with v/eight. Its primary function was to de-1 in life was not so bad as he saw the squalor combination of a synthetic heroin and an an- know most of them and would be well versed tect any banned cybernetic or biological of the upper g al leries that were reserved for drc^enic steroid. Raphael and Stegman had in the counter techniques. Raphael had there­ weapons. If illegal weapons were found that I mutants. His opponent chose that moment argued many times about the fact that fore decided lo add a few surprises to his fighters life was forfeit though any weapons | to step out of the shadows, where he had Stegman kept a good supply readily available body in readiness for this fight that was, quite snuck through a weigh in could then be used been patiently waiting, directly across from to mostof his gladiator stable. Generally it had literally, the fight of his life. without penally. It was useful in situations resulted in Raphael being whipped but he Raphael on the other landing strip. The where a gladiator believed the person they | He wondered what cheats Gadrock would hardly felt it through six inches of toughened crowd worked themselves into an even were fighting had lo much of a technologi­ be using, Gadrock had a reputation for not hide and usually bore it in stoic silence. The greater cheering frenzy. cal advantage but it was an option rarely playing fair and had even broken the gladi­ I last time he and Stegman had argued was Even from a distance Raphael was in awe utilised though as the fighter who called for | ator code by using projectile weapons in lhe J over a month ago when Raphael discov- of the shear size of him. Gadrock og Naza­ the weigh in was generally considered a ring. He had been penalised by losing his j ered that Stegman was giving away face for reth was eighteen feet tall and his geneti­ coward and was not favoured by the crowd. prize money tor that particular light but it free and then charging higher and higher cally enhanced body looked a lot heavier was small comfort for his opponent who had 'Then Raphael I want you to call for a weigh prices as the gladiator became hooked. Be­ than his own, Gadrock also had a new set lo be scraped off the walls and left the arena in," Huzzard said. cause he was the best gladiator of the stable of arms grafted on to his body, bringing the in several plastic bags. 1 can nol. If I did I would nol be able to use Raphael had good standing amongst the other total to three pairs, and had gone for the Ihese." Raphael showed Huzzard lhe two thirty or so fighters and he convinced ihem option of wings and a heavy tail. Raphael A chime sounded indicating the match was small buttons he had strapped to each hand nol to use the drug. When Stegman found out was annoyed that the intelligence photo­ close to starling, Raphaels trainer waddled in, which could only be noticed after very care­ what Raphael had done he threatened him graphs he had been shown were so wildly late as usual and sat to pause and catch his ful scrutinizalion, with MDNA. MDNA was what owners used to inaccurate. For a moment he considered breath. After a few moments he stood up and keep their mutants from rebelling and was the turning up his own genetic enhancers to reached into his bag he had bought in with "They each give out 50,000 volts and should one thing Raphael was truly afraid of ihough make himself heavier but decided againsl it him and produced a large pneumo syringe, stop that fucker from wanting to grapple loo he never let Stegman realize that fact. It was as there was only fifteen minutes left till the "I have bad news, Raphael." much wilh me." The amphetamine was kick­ a strange drug in as much that it had an all or fight and he did nol want to gain any more ing in and he was feeling good, Huzzard only Raphael felt mildly annoyed as the last thing nolhing effect cn mutants and had no effect weight before the bout. nodded in reply. at all on true humans. When a critical dose he needed lo hear minutes before a fight Raphael moved down toward the Waiting rooms The (inal chime sounded and Huzzard acti­ was administered, an amount that varied from was bad news. Still Huzzard v/as good to and began flexinghi s hands. The only enhance­ vated lhe speaker/microphone sel Ihai was individual to individual, remarkable changes him and his advice during the fight had ment he had done to his hands was to add an implanted in Raphaels face and they began occurred at a cellular level. AH mitochondria proved useful on more than one occasion. opposing thumb and large serrated cutting daws to move toward Ihe arena. They both froze began working at a fantastically increased rate on the fourth joint of his Angers. Many people "What is it." Raphael said, his voice boom­ as they heara lhe chime once more and and used all the cells available food supply in ing even Ihough he was speaking quietly wondered why he did not shift to some larger when It sounded again a few seconds later seconds. The mitochondria then began to sword like appendage or use a cybernetic cut­ "When I placed your bet for you I noticed there could be no doubt, Raphael swore as overheat and a literal meltdown began to oc­ ting tool instead of fists. He usually shrugged that an agent of Stegmans was also plac­ he ripped of ihe shocking disks. cur, spreading slowly outwards from the point when asked and replied that he just felt com­ ing bets," Huzzard said as he loaded Ihe of administration. Within five minutes it Gadrock had called for a weigh in. fortable like that. He knew the real reason was syringe with a clear fluid. could turn some one of Raphaels size inlo so that he could have some remembrance of BY DAMIEN SANDS. three quarters of a tonne of primordial This was not unusual news to Raphael as that his heritage, when ten years ago a computer cellular soup. Apparently it was excruci­ was how the owners made most of their money had taken a small frozen human embiyo and atingly painful and it was not an experi­ by placing large bets on Iheir champions. TO BE CONTINUED... bathed it in ultraviolet light. The light had per­ In an article in the last edition of Him: Agreed, although in such a situa­ house clean by hiding your slash very Scenario Six: Some incriminating evi­ Griffith Uni's Student newspaper tion, if the cone really was yours, and discreetly in your yard. dence is found and if points lo you, but Gravity, about a person's rights in not a shared one, you might feel mor­ it's only circumstantial. dealing with the police, advice was ally obliged to own up. It's surprising Her: Yeah, agreed. Demanding lo know given along the lines that under no how the presence of police evokes a con­ where you've been is an infringement of Him: Silence will bring them down hard fessional response in many people. Ifyou circumstances should a person an­ your privacy. On the olher hand, this is upon you. ll mere is a simple and cred­ want to remain silent in such a situation ible explanation that exonerates vou swer police questions. a classic occasion where demandmg the you might have to steel yourself first by right lo remain silent is only going lo ag­ without dropping a friend in it, you'd be imagining such a scenario now and visu­ mad to choose silence. If the only cred­ This is nol necessarily good advice. Peo­ gravate the situation. If you say that alising yourself holding your tongue. ible explanation incriminates somebody ple may find ihemselves in any of a wide vou've just been down the shop, post else, you've gol to make a choice. rcinf^e oi drcumstanccs. Sometimes si­ box, taking an evening constitutional elc Scenario Two: Same as above bul some­ lence is the best policy, but ol'len, it is convincingly, that is) then the whole body is found with drugs in their bed­ Her: Sounds sensible. Name, rank and the worst thing you can do. Cops don't problem can evaporate. room/on their person. serial number is only going lo land you believe in theright to remain silent. From Him: That person should put their hand in more trouble. Police still have a beller where Ihey stand, if you've got nothing Scenario Four: You're caught red-handed up for the implement as well, because strike rate In magistrates courts lhan stu­ to hide, you'd tell all; and if you have and there is no aoubl that you are going it's hardly going to make any difference dents on drug charges. But remember, got something to hide, you should have down for it. in the long run. unless you've attended police-interaction to tell them about il. Of course, this ig­ classes, chances are you will act instinc­ nores a whole range of principles - such Him: Silence is only going lo aggravate Her: Agreed, but only if a conviction is tively when under pressure. Ils hard lo as the right to live our lives tree ol state them, so co-operate. This will often go your only concern. It certainly should be make up a credible story, or even lo con­ supervision; or that the stale should bear in your favour when il comes to your major concern if you are hoping vince police of a true one, whilsl being the onus of proving Ihat we are guilty of sentencing loo. for a professional or government (espe­ Iraumatlsed. You might wart lo play act somelhing, not Ihe other way around. cially leaching) job. Bul if money is your some scenarios in your head and consider Nevertheless, according to rather simple Her- Truer than true. Remember lo say only concern, why own up for a shared how you would respond. logic, silence = guilt. Now that is not true that it was the first time you bought dope, pipe/bong, unless you trust the others to in a court, at least in theory, but we're and that you have hardly smoked it be­ share the fine, which may be as much Him: Yeah - you've gol to keep your cool, talking about cops, not magistrates or fore. You've gol a fair chance of getting as the fine for the mull. judges, and you have to negotiate wilh a "lenient" magistrate, who will then find Ihal's for sure. the cops first. You want to avoid being it easier to give you a discharge without Scenario Seven: The police have raided detained, arrested or charged (not to conviction and/or a suspended fine, Bul Scenario Three: You are walking/driving your share house and found some drugs mention being roughly handled) as well be careful as you co-operate, thai you home from some place. The police slop you in a communal area. They have taken as being convicted. Silence usually only don'l blab. The police will wanl you to and ask you where you have been. You you into separate rooms to quiz you, You convinces the cops that they are on to dob in friends. Stick to blabbing about don'l wanl to tell them because you know don't know your flat mates well enough something, gives them the shits, and yourself, and they'll probably be happy or suspect illegal activity is or may be hap­ lo know what they will say. makes them more vindictive. Il's not al­ lo know Ihat you are going lo make it pening there, or you just want lo spare peo­ easy for them wilh a guilty plea. ways the best approach. ple the trauma of police on the doorstep.

So how to lell what the best approach is? Scenario Five: Same as above, bul you Her: Keeping quiet and refusing to an­ There is no sure guide, but we can offer have more lo hide that the cops don't swer any question is going to aggravate Ihe following observations, based on per­ know about. the cops and make then suspicious. If sonal and friends'experiences. Of course, you say "I'm not going to tell you that", we are not ottering legal advice or prom­ Her: Stonewalling is going lo raise their be prepared to have your person, car ising that these experiences and observa­ suspicions, but you don't want to incrimi­ and/or house searched. If that's nol good tions are a good guide that you can rely nate yourself. Again, try lo find a bal­ for you, try to lell them enough lo satisfy on (iranslalior: if you do what we sug­ ance between sience and rolling over, them withoul raising their suspicions. gest and still get busied, you can't sue us unless you reckon you're pretty safe and Remember - you don't have to tell them for giving you negligent advice). And of they're not going to find it, in which case anylhing, so it is your choice just how course, we are not encouraging anybody you can lough it out. much vou do tell ihem. Try to find a bal­ to engage in illegal activity or lo lie. ance between nol saying enough and Him: Depends on how much you have. saying loo much. What follows is a sort of debate, prem­ Cops are a little less "Slarsky and Hutch" ised on various conceivable marijuana these days, and may nol be interesled in Him: But police don't have a right to busts, between two voices we'll call running the dogs all over your house. So know where you've just been. Sure, un­ "Him" and "Wer", just to be inclusive. it you confess lo what is on you, you may der some regulatory and drug laws they Approach it ns a form of Socratic aialogue be treated similarly to scenario tour. can ."form a reasonable suspicion" aboul !remember him? Hemlock was his drugl. you and demand to know your name and where vou live. But demanding to know Scenario One: where you've just been is an infringe­ A cone is found on the kitchen table ol a ment of your privacy. If you smell of share-house. Everybody denies ever hav­ dope, but your house is clean, then per­ ing seen il beiore. The cops didn't see haps the best thing is to lead them lo your anybody witl- it, so thev can't prove home and let them search if they must. wiiose It is. That will protect your friends. The moral really Is a pragmatic ore - keep your Her: In ihis situation, keep your mouth shut! Mosl cases like this will only be prosecuted if there is a confession, be­ cause proof of individual culpability is very difficult. There are provisions which allow householders to be charged, but Ihey are not frequently used. Keep your mouth shut even if they start threatening to charge your boyfriend/girlt'riend/ housemates/friends instead of or as well as you. Don't give them a confession.

.22

TO TALK OR NOT TO TALK;

WHEN DISCRETION IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOUR Her: This is the classic prisoner's di­ leans over you and says "we'd better tralia, evidence may be used by a court breath. If a confrontation begins to de­ lemma. Do I slay mum, and hope the check out your place as well". against you even if it vvas found in an il­ velop, give way - lhe cops won't and others do? Or do I dob someone else in, Her: They may already know your ad­ legal search. So if they find somelhing, they're bound lo win. And don'l take the before they rat on me'? Or do I tell the dress, say from your driver's licence, but you're still going lo have to pay for il. piss either, unless you are feeling pretty truth, on the assumption that we'll all be if they don't then they can make you give confident. A relaxed physical posture Is charged, but at least I've co-operated. it to them. As far as searching your home Him: On the olher hand, ifyou live in a one of your best defences. Listen care­ Logicians have mulled over this problem goes, the law requires them lo gel a war­ share house, you may only have a right fully lo whal the cops say, think before for centuries. Silence is probably best, rant before they can search your prop­ lo "invite" people like inquisitive police you speak and answer carefully. Don't then if the police lake it further, work out erly unless you "invite" them in. into your room, not the whole of the run off at the mouth. Don't embroider your tactics logelher wilh a solicitor who Him: Why "invite" them in, no matter house. You can use that legal argument or embellish, but don't appear to be re­ does small-time criminal defence work. what pressure (hey put you underi*if you to deter lhe police from snooping around luctant or not co-operating. Don't count get home first, or if your friends know the whole house. your chickens before they hatch. Slay on Him: I agree that keeping silent is lhe way that you've been arrested, the house can guard until you are safely home. lo go. Well, now we've solved the pris­ be "cleaned" while the police are wait­ Her: You can try, anyway. oner's dilemma we should write a book ing for a warrant. DRUGS - POLICE POWERS TO STOP, and apply for professorships,.. Seriously, Conclusion and Homilies SEIZE. DEMAND JNFQ Ihough, hopefully people hang oul with Her: But they can get a warrant over the Him: Dope can make you more trusting; people they can trust nol lo drop ihem phone. If they have found stuff or you, Ilcan also heighten feelingsof paranoia. * DrivinR: Police can slop you, make in it just to get off themselves. But even they are going to arrest you, and they'll On lop of this, talking to blue-garbed you produce your licence, and state and if your friend(s) do let you down, if just arrange for a warrant while they are authority figures wilh guns lends to make prove your name and address. They can you've kept quiet the game's nol com­ doing the paperwork. If your place is people intimidated. And intimidation do Ihis under the colour of suspecting pletely over. You'll probably be arrested clean, or if your slash Is well hidcen In can have different effects: il might make you of driving whilsl stoned or drunk. and charged, but If the only evidence that the yard, maybe you have nothing lo lose you timid and supplicating, or il might (Traffic Acl). Police can slop, detain the cops have is the uncorroborated al­ by "inviting" them home and having make you stroppy. Either way, being and search your car if they "reasonably legation of an accomplice, then a con­ some control over the search. Al least stoned isn't always conducve lo calcu­ suspect" you to be carrying drugs. They viction is going to be hard lo gel. On the you'll gel a free ride home. lating, self-preservalional thought. So can remove the car if they believe it isn't other hand, if you slick your hand up, these suggestions and arguments, sensi­ praclical to search it where It is slopped. the game is over. Him: What hap[oeis if they search your place ble though thoy be when read at leisure, They can seize the car or items in il If even withoul a warrant or an invitation? might go oul the window when you wil be evidence of possession. fDru^'s Scenario Eight: The police pick you up, come lo be crunched. Misuse Act) and find some dope on you. One of them Her:W'ell, the Drug'sM/suse Act doesn't give the cops the righl lo search any prop- Her: True. Whenever you are trying lo * Your body: Essentially the same as your erty they like whenever they like. If they talk your way out of a sticky situation, car! Police can form a "reasonable suspi­ don't have a warrant or an invitation then remain calm and reasonable. Be a bit cion" aboul drugs, and detain you to search the search is illegal. But generally in Aus­ diffident. Nol angry - ange.' attracts the ycu. They can seize evidence. However cops like nothing else. Ifyou feel your­ only an official of your sex can search your self gelling angry, slop and lake a deep person or clothes you are wearing. Invasive body cavity searches musl be done by a doctor, and can only be or­ dered by an inspector of Police. (Drugi Misuse Act)

* Your place : The police need a war­ rant lo search your piace (unless you in­ vite them in). (Drugs .Misuse Acl)

* Your details: When police "reason­ ably suspect" Ihal any drug offence has been committed, they can effectively ask anyone who ihey "reasonably" ihirk might know somelhing relevani, to dis­ close iheir name, address and date and place of birth. (Drugs Misuse Act) * Limits: Police who exercise Drui;s Misuse Act powers must tell you iheir name, rank, stalion and number. If they seize anything, they musl tell you where Il is going. You are entitled to be present when they search your car or place. They can only lake as long as is reasonable lo search. They musl later enter details of stopping, detaining, searching or seizing things from you, in a register. If they dor't make ihis record, their action is prima fascie unlawful. Also, they musl send a receipt to the owner of any goods seized.

23. .:..,.>^....<,*y«« > :.:.,«6^^««.#m^»J«i^^

ftPB 47400-fc O COPYRIGHT Clubs and Societies

Students for Christ is a national tertiary student group involving Christians of many denomina­ tions. We have a Pentecostal emphasis but all Christians are smmm^ §f'^'^s ATUQ, welcome. Each week we have n time of praise and worship and impartiality. As Sir Harrj' argued. Exchange {how apt) before taking with the republican argument silk and moving up in the world! share the word of God . Wc also starling to lose a liUle shine, the consUtutlonal monarchy seemed have prayer meetings, disciple- to be the only system of govern­ UQ Liberal Club took time out to Sir Harry Gibbs has in recent ship groups, outreaches, camps ment yet devised which could limes taken on a prominent role present Sir Harry Gibbs "un­ and conferences, and missions. plugged" on lhe vlrlues oflhe sta­ ensure that the Head of Slate was as a spokesman for Australians tus quo. wholly apolitical. After considera­ for Constitutional Monarchy, an tion of Ihat point. Sir Harry noted, .Main Meetings — Thursdays, i -2 Under the Uilc 'God Save the anti-republican secretariat based the alternative did nol seem in Sydney. ACM is made up of pm, 1-organ Smith Building, Room Consliiulion", Sir Harry prc- nearly as appealing. senicd sound arguments in fa­ Australians from all walks of life, 45. vour of the monarchy. There were "Bill" Gibtas, as he was known in political persuasions and per­ sonal backgrounds who believe in Pmyer .Meetings - Tuesday.s, 8 iim, lew countries, he said, which had his days ai U.Q., is well qualified Forgan Smith Building, Room Bft. .1 system as stable and demo­ to make such comments on the our Constiiution. In coming lo­ debate surrounding our Consti- gether. ACM has helped provide cratic as ours, ii is inleresUng to Students tor Christ Slate Conlcr- note ihal ol the seven oldest con- tuUon. His career has mcluded a balanced poinl of view in whai Llnuous democracies in lhe world, serving as Chief Justice of both was previously a fairly one-sided eni-e IS tho big event ut the year, to five are consliiutlonal monar­ the Queensland Supreme Court debate! be held at the Currannmdi camp­ chies. Further. Sir Harry argued, and the High Court, and is re­ Sir Harry's speech on the I8lh site in Caloundva trom 2 to t-> lulv. lhe removal ol the Crowni from the garded as one ofthe nation's lead­ April may well turn out to be the Constitution would not only af­ ing legal minds, In recogniiion of beginning of the republican de­ Contact David on U74 (:)5h 74'-> tor fecl lhe periormance of. but ac­ this outstanding career. Sir Harrv' bate on'campus. Whatever ils lually ihreaten the fuiurc of, has been created a Knight Grand outcome, sludeni debate has other key parts to our syslem like Cross of lhe Order of Sainl been assisted by a well-informed the Senaie and the Slates. .Michael and Sainl George, a Com­ speaker v.'ilh a ralional poinl ol panion ofthe Order ofAustralia, view. Most imporianl of all however, and a Knighl Commander of lUe was that precious virtue wdiich Order of the British Empire. Not our curreni Head of State had. a bad for a kid from Maryborough and no republic could emulate: who used to "slum" it at the Royal Alexander Drake YE TOUR

FESTIVAL HALLfe*^?^ Dl: CHW«JfN

FOR FURTHIR ir^FORMATION CALL THE FROmiER INFO I.INF: OObb 60306, ,.ri . 25 12 Qoool rocisons to ooll Brisbane Driving Schooi

DISCOUNTS STUDENT CARS MANUAUAUtO D & GIFT VOUCHERS RATES bL. DUAL CONTROL ALL CLASSES OF HEAVY INTERNATIONAL LICENCE TESTS " D VEHICLE LICENCES D STUDENTS WELCOME • ARRANGED FREE PICK-UP FULL HOUR'S MEMBER D > & RETURN D TUITION • ADTAQ REFRESHER CARING PROFESSIONAL FREE n LESSONS INSTRUCTORS • ADVICE OIVEN Present this ad and receive 20% discount Conditions apply BRISBANE 1 Driving 3choolJ

«:,.*^- MONTEZUMA'S MONTEZUMA'S rUCll^OfllKKiCi where locals meet to eat

where locals meet to eat HOTSAIICEDIP Spicy RonchefOMuce $3,95 MONTEZUMA'S DEUGHT $9.95 served willi heobj fri los Also Vegeta,ian A soil (QsloJa smothered wilh OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK FOR LUNCH AND DINNER FRUOLE DIP Whipped beons oofnished $4,50 frljoles, beef, cbedda, heaped with salod, chile wilh Spicy Red Ixo sauce. Served wilh corn chlpj souce, sow cream, lopped wilh block dives GAUCAMOLE DIP (when in seoson] $6,50 ALBONDIGAS Spicy poHt ond veal $8.95 Spicy Avocodo served wilh corn chips i.T njeolbols, wilh tally tomob lopping ond WELCOME TO MONTEZUMA'S toriillo bosiiet cheese. Served on a bed of rice. NACHOS Tripngle, of loosted Torhib chips $6.95 jjnotlwrea wlh oven g,'illed cheddor ond ENCHILADAS Sod torlilla dipped in spicy sauce, ALL OUR FOOD IS PREPARED drenched with delicious red sogce. Served slutted wiBi filing of your choice, rollfid and on a bed ot beons topped wi-h d»ese wid oven baked in Mexicon souce. Served wilh herb browned rice ond frljoles TOSSED SAUkD Doily fresh veaetaWe $4.50 Friioles ACtTeeselymetarion) $8.95 FRESH DAILY AND LOCALLY GROWN iolod wilh Mexcon dreuing and clieese or Beet & Ctieese $9.95 TACO Seosoned filling of your choice, leHuce, or Chicken & Sour Cream Sauce $9,95 cheese and kai^ scuce swrounded by oisp or Cliorizo Spicy pork & veol sausage $8,95 PRODUCTS ARE USED Hded hoH moon shoped kxtilo - Choice ci or Sealood Gorfic prowns & crab lillii^ $12.95 Shredded Seasoned Beet $2.95 CHILE VERDE Chunb ef beel steak $8.95 or Frljoles & ctteese Ivegetafion) $2,50 simmered wilh ofllon,i spices, herbs, WHENEVER POSSIBLE Of Ctiorjzo Spiced MexJcodioosoge $2.75 capsicums. Se.'ved on 0 bed of Spanish Rice ot pork and veol Of Clilcken wilh green Spicy Red Tbco $2.95 CHICKEN MEXICAN Holf o succuleni $10.95 chicken, oven bated in garlic wilh on STUDENT DISCOUNT sauce Enchilodo sauce glore. Served wilh Sponiih or PIcudillo (2.5Q Rice & frizes Vsgebble protein, olmodds, nuH and foislis w^^^iA^ LARGE NACHOS TOSTADA Crwicl^ (oftilo heoped wilh BURRITOS flour tottila lilted wi=^ 1 face, so I can at least bollock you with­ head and see if if reveals the trademark out going off on a tangent), Corby-splotch. Daytime TV builds up. It doesn't just TV folk and alcohol (not just Mt appear with an almighty "splot" on your Tibrogargan) don't mix. Remember Ihe TV screens. In fact, it seems to be spe­ time A Current Affair ran a story about cifically designed to slowly permeate the how champagne can "incorrectly" in­ mental defences of the old folk, fat crease your "genuine" blood alcohol housewives (?.nd fat couch-potato reading, the day before Channel Nine house-husbands, come to that) and, let's reporter Tracey Curro was fined by a face it, bored-shitless students who form magistrate for speeding her way home the core of its audience. from a Champers and caviar party? And 1 met Rick Burnett pissed once (him and The daytime TV build-up begins during me both). Without his TV makeup, he the second hour of the Today show. All looked like the High Lama from Lost the hard-hitting political and current af­ Horizon. fairs stuff is shoved to the front of the show, (o give the business dudes some­ Enough! Or too much. (Oops, I just thing to bitch about on the 7:55 to town. nicked a line from William Blake). I've In the second hour of Today, the Laurie seen it reported that that smirking git Oakes brigade is replaced by the Anna from the "Demtel" commercials {you McMahon allstars, you know, the vapid know the ones, do-it-yourself brain trans­ happy-smiley reporters who coo and plant kits and CDs of Hey lude played gurgle at some loony's collection of soap on the kazoo going for three bucks a from aeroplane toilets, and then say it's crate) has been seen in the entourage of got something fo do with "the Spirit of Bronwyn Bishop. This has to be some­ Take advantage! Queensland" or some other blubber- thing sinister. skulled concept I thought I'd heard fhe Help those who care to help Demtel are probably marketing dummies Take care... be aware! last of when I left High School, of Bromide Bronnie all over Australia, and you. Learn how to use the Safety Bus, UniSafe Escorts Need help? Security operates There then follows a whole iof of "life­ early one day, when the hairdo hag her­ and the University's other free 24 hours a day on the St Lucia style" stuff, like "How to recycle your self presses a hidden button, all the dum­ and Gatton College Shih Tzu's jobbiers," and a stack ofthose mies vvill come lo life and lake over the personal safety services, then campuses - interminable ads dressed up as inter­ world! Imagine having Bronnie as the tTrst make the most of them. phone 1800 800 123 (free views, only relived by the brief, refresh­ thing you see in the morning. Actually, I Pick up a brochure from the call). ingly erudite intermezzo of Here's can see a possible angle for the sale of Mt Studenl Union, Security or the 27. Humphrey. The action then either Tibrogargan Pineapple Brandy Ihere. main administration buildings. progresses (depending on whether Something like: "Oh, thank Heaven for you've been watching the last half hour Ml Tibrogargan Pineapple Brandy. It set­ of Today, or Mullii^rubs, and there's nof tled me right back down afler waking op UniStifc is .1 UniviTsily of C}u<:c^5L^ndmili,^1ivc much difference) lo Good Morning Aus­ to Bronwyn Bishop." promolinl;p<:rsonal tralia with Bert .Newton, or Ernie and s.ifi!ly awarvncss. iSAFE Kurt Cobain

1967-1994

Leader singer of Nirvana Idol of millions Drug Addict Dead. lke UciQinxi imn^ii out uuixj, help^ Ut^ co/ndle eoe^ did...

The Other Side On the death of Kurt Cobain: All Apologies of the Story

Now anyone who knows my reaction lo by Kerry Woodcock Kurt's death will find this article a little Mixed reactions arose from the those fanatics out there who idol­ strange. Suffice lo say, 1 didn't have much news of Kurt Cobain's tragic sui­ ise him and carve Kurt's name lime for him after the suicide. But there's cide: sadness, anger, confusion, Rape Me. (Although the final lines into their flesh, think about it. He a few things that need to be said here. disbelief. Kurt's mother is quoted of Radio Friendly Unit Shifter are was just a regular person who Kurt was ill. A friend who is a social to have said that "now he's gone worth noting for their fundamen­ didn't beheve that he deserved all worker was extremely distressed when and joined that stupid club" in tal moralism: "hate, hate your en­ the attention he was getting. And Kurt died. He recognised that Kurt was reference to the handful of rock emies/ save, save your friends/ I agree, I like and admire his mu­ suffering from a mental illness, Wliat he stars who lived fast and died find, find your place/ speak, sic but 1 would find it difficult to also said was that no-one was ever going speak the truth".) lo treat Kurt, because he was making young. But unlike Jimi Hendrix, admire him as a person. Especially money for lots of people. A Kurt Cobain Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, (or for giving up on his family. on corrective medicine, going through even Elvis) do not predict that Nir­ The inevitable death of Nirvana rehabilitation probably wouldn't be the vana's leading man will ever reach can be explained by the simple Kurt they owned. such deified posthumous status. fact that Kurt Cobain didn't be­ And from the electronic Generation X is too informed and long in mainstream culture. He outreaches of the Internet. And because Kurt was rich, Kurt got to have his guns. Why the hell the police let aware to idolise a tormented man was expressing his anger towards This notice was posted In re­ him own those gun in the first place can who gave up on himself, his fam­ the dominant culture and they sponse to several syrupy mes­ be answered simply. Who's going to tell r. were loving it (see In Bloom). I've ily and his friends. sages glamorising Kurt's death. pop star with lots of money what to do? read some journalism that en­ And why didn't Ihc police go and .search for him afler his mother registered him as Claims have been made that Kurt dorsed the anger of Kurt's fans Re sentiment for Kurt... because he was an artist who missing, Ihrcc days before he shot him­ was a spokesman for our genera­ 1 think Homer Simpson said it self? Sure Kurl owned four houses, bul tion but I don't agree. The fact is copped out. But Kurt didn't work best... "That's funny because I at worst that's eight police officers, four that he spoke tor himself; his feel­ or live for his fans, he made mu­ don't know him" search warrants, and four squad cars. And ings of aiigst and frustration hap­ sic for himself and in the end, he Ihat's for a simultaneous search. pen to be the same feelings that died for himself. In that way 1 I don't Joke about his death to deal with a touchy subject or The police didn't look for him because plague today's urban youth. Com­ don't agree that anger at Kurt would be justified-except from his because of complex emotional they made an assumption about the life­ parisons between Kurt and John issues. I genuinely have no sym­ style he lived. Mayhc, just maybe if they'd Lennon havebeen made based on wife and daughter's point ofview, pathy for the loser. looked for him, he'd siill lie here. Just their common spokesman-ness, they definitely got ripped off. But maybe if someone bother to care enough but other than both being dead Kurt didn't owe his listeners any­ I don't know if this posted be­ lo say no to Kurl, Ihings would have been difl'erent. musicians 1 can't see many simi­ thing. We should be grateful for fore but... the four albums he created and we But no-one did, larities. Compare Lennon's hu­ Kurt was making money for a lot of peo­ manitarian themes in Imagine or should be respectful towards Kurt What was tlie best thing Kurt ple who had a vested interest in not say­ Wnr is Over with Nirvana's anti­ because he spoke truthfully. Kurt ever released? ing no. Kurt's death was very profitable The safety on his gun. social themes in In Blootn ("he's never bullshitted about life. In for a lol of people, a lol of people who fact, his final action was a very weren't Kurl. And that's where the trag­ the one who like all our pretty Mike P. (Name withheld for se­ honest one; he was extremely un­ edy of the whole event really is... Kurl songs/ and he likes to sing along/ curity reasons) won't be the next Elvis, he's more likely and he likes to shoot his gun / but happy and he didn't pretend to be University of Western Australia to be Ihe K-Tcl special. he don't know what it means") or perfect or superhuman. So for all 28 Stephen Dann CHAL

THE ROSJ-JL-OWS"-

•••^^^^n^tcome down to c>G...rf^,«»Trtf «-»- l

Triple J ThurscTayiSMa^anaS

CALL THE FRONTIER INFO LINE: 0055 60306 ACETEL 70cpm

DRIVING SCHOOL

Competitive Price - Better than most "Specials" Full hour lessons with free pickup • Latest cars - manual and auto - full insm-ance • Male and female instructors • International students weloome

TUESDAY WEDNESDAY $5.00 Juss Beer $1.00 Beer, Wine $10.00 Juss Basic Spirits $2.00 Basic Spirit 8 pm - 12 midnight 8 pm- 12injclni9ht

THURSDAY FRIDAY (OUR NORMAL PRICE IS BEHER THAN ANY "SPEClAr IN THE CURRENT QUEENSLAND DRIVERS GUIDEll) FREE COCKTAILS Pow Wov/ $5.00 Juss 8-10 pm 8 pm- 12 midnight ^:^*:>l:. SATURDAY • ARIZONA'S "STUDENT CARD" «7() FREE Entry any time!! :7k 2 fori (Apply at front door) 8-12 pin • Student receives $5.00 JUGS BEER ANYTIME, day or nisht upon presentation of mmmm mmi "ARIZONA'S STUDENT CARD" ,x (luimmnmm-Mumm r^-^Ph: 229 7533 ^T:

ICC Swimming Carnival I was a visitor, for the purpose of this report, to the ICC Swimming Carni­ val, for the very first time. I arrived ten minutes late to witness college rivalry at its height. Standing at the far end of the pool, I was deafened by the scream of whistles from the night's supreme college - Kings. Their yelling and dunking of one who appeared to be their PrincipalAVarden was a novelty I have seen no-where else. I quickly concluded that they were the only college that could reek havoc on the night. I was soon proven wrong. At about eight o'clock I was puzzled as to why a fellow from St Leo's College entered the arena accompanied by a life-size shaped Phantom. This came to an almost orgasmic cry from the Leo's students, immediately, St John's directed their biggest and best to tackle the Phan­ tom and his proud holder. They failed at inhibiting either Security broke up a "pile-on" like brawl between the two rival colleges. The night had certainly begun. The carnival's excitement grew with the colleges rooting for their respec­ tive swimmers. It was nol long, however, till another college invasion shook the evening. Women's College was the target and St Leo's was the attacker, Two St Leo's fellows appeared to innocently stroll on the pathway next to the pool. As they passed Women's College, a sudden change in their posture indicated a hidden motive for the stroll. The two fellows lunged into the Women's girls, diving towards a large home made doll which is called -1 was later to learn - the sacred "Wooza" Doll. The "Wooza" Doll's head was ripped off and thrown back to St Leo's for sacri­ Are we ready!!? fice. The two fellows were by this stage assisted by further comrades. Security hurriedly divided the colleges. The two original St Leo's veter­ ans were not short of many a bruise and bile from the Women's guard­ ians. Soon aftenvards a person emerged before both Women's and St ICC REPORT Leo's delivering "favours" to the Phantom character - to the many come­ backs from the Women's girls. Whal an evening I was to witness. At present there are a few important initiatives being addressed by ttie Swimming was also going on amidst these incidental battles. The nighl Inter-College Council Executive in conjunction witti the respective ended with the list of each college's placings. The top placings were as Presidents of each college. Perhaps the two primary issues are: follows: i) incorporation of the "University of Queensland Inter-College Sports MENS -1. ;

ICC Debating The rounds of this year's debating coinpetition have displayed some tremendous talent throughout the colleges. The topics argued to date have been: "That Bronwyn Bishop is the anti-Christ", "That the economy should come before the environment", "That people should be denied the freedom of racist expression", "That Australia should con­ centrate ils attention on Asia" and "That we should napalm the global 32 village". Semi-finals are on the way - Good luck to everyonell! ^// %%

The Elephant Man

% ^/ie Reit 6^ ^a'd ST. LEO'S COLLEGE STUDENTS' CLUB

In this college cdilorial, 1 wish to suggest tages. Firstly, it may seem quite rational to due to Ihat function's past repulaticn. And presents she ttiere is beginning to evolve an overcrowd­ believe that the morc functions your Stu­ a reputation for a great function comes 1994 SIR JAMES DUHIG ing of formal college functions which acl dent Club can have then the more money from, amongst other factors, a good atmos­ againsl the very motive of holding such your Student Club can make. Now if your phere made possible by a good crowd. As MEMORIAL LECTURE functions. I shall elaborate! Formal col­ Student Club should be the only one which morc fuclions overflood the college mar­ lege fuctions, particuiarty those held on the rationalises ihis theory then you would ket, crowds will drop across the board and campus' ofthe respective colleges, demand make an absolute killing, However, this is therefore - particular college fucticns will managerial efficiency, advertising/promo­ pretty obvious economic thinking and when lose their tremendous reputations - college tion and financial stringencies. In short, mosl other Student Clubs think in the same functions generally wili lose some of that Ihey are big shows. Studenl Ciubs are com­ way and hence, each one holds more func­ character which they have seemed to de­ ALL WELCOME ing to the realisation that such functions, if tions - FUNCTIONS (not just Ihc extra velop and maintain over lhe years - college FREE ADMISSION orgainsed sufficiently, can derive a healthy ones, but all the functions) MAKE LESS fuctions will no longer be the exciting to be delivered by profit. Due to each Student Club needing MONEY. Therefore, this rationale in the event lo look to, but rather a regularity. This to satisfy on-going expenses for their stu­ long term may in-faci achieve the reverse article concerns itself with formal and open dent members, any chance to gain a profit to what is intended. Student Club college functions. Il is not at­ MR BRYCE COURTENAY is worth exploiting. Hence, Student Clubs My argumenl does not simply rest on the tempting to challenge the continual social AUTHOR OF "TIIE POWER OF ONE" are identifying formal social functions as a suggestion that the more formal college partying by collegians, only to suggest that money-maker and, like any economist functions your Student Club may have the Student Clubs and ICC become mindful of entitled would tell you, as a market provides profit less financiallyrewardin g each one may be the facl that while more functions might for a particular product/service there results . If Ihis was the case, we could stil! decide seem to mean more money - it is not that 'This Antipodean Land " an increase in suppliers for that product/ that instead of holding, for example, two simple and may in fact be disadvant.igcous service. That is, Student Clubs may be start­ functions each making SI 000, let's hold in the long run. Particular functions will Chair: ing to ovcrflood the college market with three functions each making S800 - we still lose reputations and the very character of formal social functions. It is all well and come out wealthier. It's not this simple. college functions will be the loser. Thus, SIR LLEWELLYN EDWARDS good for Student Clubs to hold their respec­ Each college has developed reputations for no individual Student Club will ever be thi' tive functions to gain profits, however, this their functions. These functions continue winner. Anyway, it is worth considering. 27lhofJULY, 1994,at8.3Gpm over-flooding results in various disadvan­ to draw the majority oflhe crowd, I believe. MAYNE HALL, UNIVERSITY of QUEENSLAND surrea TO u smvED AT TSB ocHcLusoN or 1SZ Licniu

Odd One Out, very odd

t H \m "•?'•- I'm an environmental science student and have WMk become increasingly bitter and twisted due to the ' p • appalling condition of our supposed scenic lake (opposite Duchesne and Women's Colleges). • •1 Firstly, one must consider the personal well-being i' • ^^^^^ of our beloved guaka birds, One day I was walk­ ^'^ JLf ing back from lectures when I came across a duck * ' -•^. 1 which lay convulsing violently. I took the duck to m ''1'^A1 - -^ A —^ . the veterinary school at the university where they • . ,'^.^!-i; : , discovered high levels of plutonium and Pepsi •. .. -ihi-. «HB^ m W^^f^Jl f. • j^f'^^-"^ , Cola, Such a level of Pepsi has known to decrease •' ^''W^^& *w E0^ r sexual arousal while increasing a duck's sexual •4 '^ attractiveness to sparrows. This obviously triggers ' -^Ip^ V a complex identity crisis while creating the poten­ tial for a disturbing impact on the lake's eco-sys- 1 ..-,. ^. ' s \ . • - ~i^t. 1 tem - not to mention the high risk of ducks catch­ •>,*-' '* • v-f • .V •: I 1 • ing diabetes. Professor Damon Lynam ofthe Herbs 1 • 1: .4. and Spices Department, based in the J.D. Storey ff Building, commented: "Gee wiz, that duck looks • funny!" Wilh evidence such as this, what hope have f /^ we??? From Someone Who Really Cares. 1 7 1

33 "He's not the Vice Chancellor,

A much maligned dropout from Semper; So when did you decide to be a Semper; Wild stab in the dark, sorry. So all Brian; Sure go ahead. interior design school or an evil Vice Chancellor? 1)1 your education was at Queensland Uni. Semper; Whal are you doing about bad lec­ autocratic despot with expensive Brian: Right after I was knocked back from Brian: Yes turers? tastes. Stephen Cameron finds out interior design school. Semper: Didn't it look a touch odd a four Brian; Oh, they're not thai bad. Semper: What? year old going lo lectures. For ali ihosc darling first years out Iherc Semper: They're bloody well brain dead. and Ihc complete morons in olher years, the Brian: Yes that was my first choice interior Brian: No F was eighteen at the time. Brian: Now, now, no name calling just be­ Vice Chancellor is the lad who runs the side­ design but when that fell through it was off Semper: What? cause they're corpses is no reason to not show we rather affeciionately term UQ, So to vc school for me, no morc dreams down Brian: Yeah I came here after being rejected employ them. PC you know. here it is, the article you've all been wait­ to reality. from Interior Design School. Semper: You can't employ cadaversi ing for the interview behind the man, be­ Scmpci: Cool, so why'd you want to be an hind the title, the one, the only, Brian! interior designer? Semper: With no education its not surprising. Brian: Yes we can they go with the decor What did you do till you where eighteen. much belter thai live people. Embalming fluid's a wonderful decorators tool. Brian: I travelled with the tribe. Semper; But they can't teach anybody! Semper: Tribe, what fuckin tribe? Brian; Tribe? Oh the nomadic interio: de­ Brian; That's beside the point. signs of the Serengcti. Semper What is the point, Semper: There's no bloody interiors to Brian: (Sigh) Look flesh tones and Ikea fur­ bloody well design in the bloody Serengeti, niture do go together. Oil and water. But it's a bloody desert isn't it? deathly pallor that's a ch;irm. Brian: Yeah that's why we were nomadic. Semper: I see. No what's this I hear about Semper: I think you've gone COM­ the university getting a grant. PLETELY GOD ROTTIN' MAD. Brian: Yeah 6,3 million dollars for quality. Brian; No it's true, I was their greatest pupil Semper: Quality, what son of quality"? when 1 was rejected they just pined away Brian: You know quality sorts of quality. and died feebly clutching their last set of de­ velopmental sketches. It was very tragk:. Semper: Real precise answer Brian. What do you mean by quality mate? Semper: O.K, enough lets talk about the University. Brian; Oh come on don't be silly. You know what I mean, quality. Brian; O.K. lets. Semper: Quality wall paper perhaps Semper: And no interior design, you hear. Brian: Well yes I expect .so. Queensland Uni­ versity is such a well co-ordinated place, I A.S 1 entered the oflice 1 was amazed, as think the Grant's Commission have a big ap­ most of you would know J.D, Story is a preciation for contrasting flesh tones and pale. hole, it''; old. grimy and smells a trifle odd. Semper: You mean a mix of live and dead So you can imagine my surprise on getting lecturers, out of the lift on the top floor, number seven, the VC's tloor, the penthouse suite. It's re­ Brian: Well yeah I think they really like the ally quite cool, the people look like people visual environment we have here. not lower life forms (Homo bureaucrats, for Semper: What's it gonna be spent on then. the biologically inclined), the walls are ac­ tually painted and ihere's a very calming Brian; Hmmm, well I have really decided .sculpture of mating whales in Brian's yet. Lobb) So calming in fact it took mc a while Semper; (In a fit of journalistic interview­ to realise that the room was empty. Finding ing drama). Not for your 60,000 dollar pay this I waddled over into Brian's room lo see rise come back scratch ch? Go on deny it I if anyone was home. dare you, deny it. Head round door, scan, scan, hah, hah no one Brian; Now would I do a thing like that (pro­ home. Bugger the interview, thinks I just duces a grin Pol Pot made when telling the knock off some document Heh Presto jour­ peasants to go these new improved fields). nalistic scoop. Just as my nefarious scheme Semper; Well if it's not being spent on your was being enacted I was startled by a voice. pay rise what's it going to? Remodelling J.D. "Whal you after, son?" Story in a nice Ivory liic design perhaps? "Arrrghhh I screamed as the curtains be­ gan to speak. Alien life forms take over the Brian; Who wouldn't? All the paint, veneer university, the tabloids beckon?" finishes, polished wood floors, tastefully "What's wrong with you?" enquired Ihe cur­ matching ihings together. And curtains es-' tains as they parted lo reveal a middle aged pecially curtains. I rcally like ihem. bloke with a dozen pins in his mouth. 1 Semper; Getting back to school, where'd calmed considerably, stuck one hand out to you go to school? him, stuck the other (the one with lhe evi­ Brian: Queensland Uni, dence) into my bag and slapped a stupid grin on my face. Semper: No No High School "Uh Hello Brian, Semper Floreat," Brian: Yeah Queensland Uni "Good Day Mr Floreat" he said coming Semper: Cool so how 'bout Primary school? down off his ladder and putting down a Brian: Queensland Uni. book of fabric samples. Semper: 1 see, Prc-school? No let me guess, "No Brian, I'm from Ihe Studenl Newspa­ Queensland Uni? per Semper Floreat, I'm here to interview Brian: Spot on. You Semper guys are shaip ch? you" I replied while attempting to stick my bag down the back of my pants. Semper: Well yeah, were you bom al Queens­ land Uni? "Well certainly then my good chap," Brian; No, Africa, what the hell gave you that idea? 34.

— faculty towers — he's a very naughty boy!"

Brian: Now that's an idea, I've always Semper; Lovely. Now after you figured out ism and finally lefuscd to fully fund the new Brian: Now no name calling. thought Ivory towers were an over looked what was going on why did you keep the child care cenire? This Semper agent was seen entering J.D, Sloi>' architectural possibility. But they do cost position? Brian: (Sob, sob..) on the 16tli March 1994. He has not been .seen oh so much. And then Ihose nasty environ­ since. These topes were smuggled out at grcal risk Brian: Well I had the great office to rede­ Semper; Whal? mentalist students go and lie themselves to sign. I mean you should have seen the cur­ to Ihe sanity ofthe agents involved, in fact llircc picket fences and whinge about me club­ tains in there lill I gol the whales... Brian; I'm sorry... (sob, sob).... Argghaha willingly gave themselves up lo the greater ciuse bing koalas or something like that. as a warning of whal may liappen to otliere. Semper; APART FROM THE ROOM YOU Semper: Oh come on now there's no need Semper: Forget il, moving back to you, MORON!! to cry. Oh for goodness sake acl like a man, Welcome to the fineprint . This is all a gratui­ How'd you become the V.C. Brian, BRIAN! tous lie. Brian Wilson doesn't, exist it's all a Brian; Because (that sincere yet conde­ hallucination in Ihe lower left comer of my Brian: Well I couldn't be an interior..... scending look) I believe in this university. Brian: I got rejected from Interior design school, brain on account of my mothers national party Seniper; Apart from because you couldn't I think It should be the best. That the librar­ I stuff up the uni and I'm using a 6,3 million grant lo prop up this table leg. Bohohoho. voting tendency. So Brian, it's all a joke. be a bloody interior desigtier. ies should have more books than students could every think of using. A place where Brian: Well one day I joined a queue and the academic staff can teach and research here I ant. / what they want to freely without interfer­ Semper: \yhat queue? ence from Adm in islrati on. And they should Brian: After! graduated,. stay for as long as they want irrespective of age. Where all students can go. regardless Semper; When was that; ' '; of their wealth, race or age. Where women Brian: Six years after I was rejected. students are fully served by a wide range of health care and child care services. I want Semper: Six years to graduate, so you were a university you can live in. And finally I a medicine student?' want the interior designs lo be tasteful, styl­ Brian; No arts. ish yet inodern and accessible. Semper: Six years for an arts degree. Guess Semper: Then why is it that the library fund­ you failed a lot of exams. ing is cut back annually, books are unavail­ Brian: Exams, what arc exams? able for months on end? Thai academics un­ able to research are encouraged ;o leave, Semper: It's when they ask you questions that you want control of redundancy con­ like why do the curtains cost S6,000. ditions for older academics? That small de­ Brian: Because suede fore-skin of camel is partments such as Russian and Entomology so irresistible everyone wants it. Price rise. are under review to being closed com­ Semper; Cool, gone on. plelely? That you advocate introducing full fees for students, voluntary studctit union­ Brian: Anyway well one day they told me to get into a quite stylish black cape and a hat which just refused to go with my tie. Facts About the V.C. Then they gave me a piece of paper. • Is now paid $200,000 a year. After Senate Semper: Your degree. voted him a 560,000 pay rise. Do your sums that's about 1 lecturer, 12 tutors or a thousand Brian: I don't know, all I know is it clashed extra books a year. Docs he really need it? wilh my antique mahogany hal stand and felt paisley drapes. • Really did gel a set of S6,000 curtains last year (no they weren't suede camel's fore Semper: Right now aboul Ihat queue. skin). I don't rcally know what they do look Brian: Uh Yeah well after that I just kept on go­ like as he refused my kind invitation lo an ing to uni each day and cne day I thought I was interview, as he has routinely done to Seniper queuing for some refec food when suddenly I writers since Howard knocked off some pa­ was in this hall. And there were all these people pers ofhis. Talk aboul keeping a grudge. everywhere and the curtains were just awful, a splotch stained beige, about 30 feet long and • Just got a grant for S 6.3 million for Qual­ jarring wilh the red plush carpel and funny look­ ity. The pre.w security wasn't real clear on ing organ thing quile unbelievable I mean who what quality is but we gol it for quality This ever did this shouid've been shot! So I marched money is being divided up amongst the de­ right on up to the stage and grabbed the mic and partments. S 10,000 per department. Do your yelled "All these things musl change." I was sums 80 odd departments $800,000 dollars, about to go on but they wouldn't have heard me that's 5.5 million unaccounted for. Is that over the clapping. Then some other blokes lead the riissle of curtain fabric I hear. mc away aiid started calling me V.C Administrarion, ain't it just one big backslapping, fucking farce. And il's ulti­ Semper; WfcU I'll give you adeal Brian, spend mately costing us. Go sign the Socialists that grant well and we'll forgive you. How bout petition, they should all be sacked. that. Bum, J.D. Story, Burn ! Brian; Really? (I just love that look of childish delight) Semper; Yeah, why not. THE END Brian: How 'bout we spend it on curtains for all the univershy buildings. A nice navy vel­ vet? Huh, that's good eh! Tliis one here (Brian IS NEAR gestures at fabric book). Semper: Well actually I Ihink a sort of Aztec geometric patterns in earth tones on cotton would be better. Brian; Well look at these (pulls out Volume 12 ofthe Encyclopaedia Fabrica). I think this one, 1 think tho engineering academics would rc­ ally go wilh it. JLU Semper: "Cliromium weave" rcally Brian Ihcy Can you spot the difference? would go for it there all dead. HINT; One's a cartoon character. 35. — faculty towers — >H 377 2202 rX 377 2220 1994 CAMPUS BANO ra If you are a member off d band and are a student at UQ then you are elegable for entry into the 1994 Band Competion^ Winning bands will recieve over $ 1 SOO Jil- • i \l---m.','i ll 1111 transported to hai i^nin*^ Rocichampton! for the State Finaf :.;>-V^-"%k;i

Heals and final are held in lhe Main Ref^c/Bistro, , WEDNEiSDAY AUG. 3rd IPjyi WEDNESDAY AUG. lOth IPM WEDNESDAY AUG. 17th 1 PM WEDNESDAY AUG. 24th IPM PRIZES VTORTH ^^ ' FINAL ^FRIDAY SEPl 2nd 7pm; LICENCED OVER $1500 ^^#^^ip^!^ _grab an opplicalion lorni in • •/ ^^^^^^^, Aclivities or from the Union sl^op. ••

BAn TRAinma 3 u PH070G RAPHY LATifl DAOCE ^iDEO PRODUCTIOn

ST iOHnS ri'RST A\D

rA3RiC PRiOTinC

filSDniiTIOn

3i?Ain GYm STUDY SiO'LLS "Youngest and one ol the mosl promising COmPUTci? in llie new wave ol queer GRAPHICS cinema"....iiage Voice Dj" iOG IE SMITII tECTunE H IKITY OF miEENstnt ATTITUDE JlliSDAY26THIIHY7-9PM aWHciiiwa --n. 1^. TELL IT TO IVIE STRAIGHT PHONE 221 5123 FOR BOOKINGS SONC^WRITING COMPETITION PRESENTED BYl ScnicSTER TOO HIGH, UNiyERSiTY OF OUEEIUSLAiyD ACTiVITIES DETAILS FROMi ACTIVITIES PH 3/7 2202 &.WOMENS EQUAL OPPORTUNITY AREA

\ : / /

I H-4-' I i // \ I / / / Av^ island prison*" long -forgo^en

37 Views of the worid Interactive attitude... Greetings and Welcome from the for money. Thai's a major criminal Semper Strategic Command Centre TAe ^ocd ^ fU. bod offence which deserves a heavy pen­ At the going down ofthe sun, and in buried underneath the Union build­ alty, both for the rape, and for the the morning. ing. At lea.st that's how it feels Gnol Hcan^ theft. Anyone who'd like to argue We will remember them around the office at the moment. Ex­ that point is welcome. You know I will remember them ams arc approaching and my annual dated, and show little understanding where to send the letters. Lest we forget. heartbreak occurs - Sport versus of what rape actually is - a crime of Lest I forget. study. This year, the Slate of Origin, violence. Second, I'm all in favour How do you follow on from a para­ the Challenge Cup against Wigan, of seeing the punishment for rape graph like that?. You don't, you go No, it hasn't been the usual cheerful, several Broncos games and the start being castration - except I'd sec the straight into the next item... slightly cynical approach I normally of the World Cup soccer stand be­ bastards castrated with an arc welder. lake, Yes it is dark and angry. But tween me and the end of my exams' Believe me, any mindless little creep ANZAC Day right now, I'm tired of having to play So little time, so many more inter­ who thought that they couldn't con­ nice, say nice and be nice. I'm sick esting things than my land law notes. trol themselves would suddenly find Last issue we ran a commemorative of not being able to speak out for fear In fact everything is more interest­ the restraint. And even if they didn't ANZAC day centrefold. This isn't a of retribution, for fear of being ing than my land law notes.^ Any­ -they wouldn't do it twice. But back justification, this is an explanation. I branded fascist for having an opin­ way, since I didn't get my usual rant to the original point. designed and laid out the poster af­ ion. I am white. I am middle class. I and rave last issue, it's a double sized ter Dave, myself and a contributor am male, I am proud. I am proud of outburst of opinion. The rape of a prostitute is a worse agreed that a commemorative poster my heritage. My heritage is my par­ crime than the rape of a virgin. Now to respect ANZAC day was not only ents, my mother and my father who it's on. Rape is non-consensual sex. appropriate as Semper hit the street moved from England when they were A prostitute sells sex. Rape involves prior to ANZAC day, but also we felt younger than I am now to start a new Recently, yet another senior legal fig­ violence. The rape of a prostitute is it was relevant to our readers. life in Australia. I will not be forced ure displayed an appalling lack of the violent theft of their services. Relevant to the readers? to feel ashamed of my past, simply knowledge and sensitivity with his Theft with violence is robbery. If a I believe the greatest danger we face because I am a member of a minor­ comments about rape. It came as no weapon was used in the attack, then today in regard to war is that we have ity group. White, male, liberal, het­ surprise to me that once again, a sen­ it's armed robbery. already begun to forget the lessons erosexual, Anglo Saxon, middle ior lawyer has proved that the higher of past wars. ANZAC day stands class. We are a minority. No, I will they go, the stupider they become. Rape of prostitute is theft with vio­ there to remind us of what happens not justify the actions of people who condone repression and discrimina­ I'm referring to the rape of a prosti­ lence a.^ well nn hein^ rape. For any when you go to war. People die. tion, who ever they are. But I will tute comment made at a dinner func­ legal professional to regard rape ofa Young people, people aged between not be forced to take the blame for tion recently. 1 think the man was prostitute as being a 'lesser' offence 17 and 25. The age we are now. We events that Have happened hundreds wrong. Hell, I know the man was because their line of work is in sell­ are the first generation not to have of years before my time. I will not wrong, but I've got different reasons ing sex, has demonstrated that they lived through a major international be made to be ashamed of who and than most. are ignorant of both life and the law. war, Vietnam was the most recent what I am. Rape is an abhorrent crime, and any major, long term international war, First, I just want to clarify a couple attempt to make categories of lesser and that finished in the mid seven- of points. Rape is abhorrent, and rape is wrong. Raping a prostitute is ties.3 It's 1994, nearly twenty years No one has the right to do that to any­ frankly the laws currently in place in rape and is robbery. It is theft of that after the war ended. Many first year one. I do not believe in repression, Queensland are disgusting. I've done person's source of income. It is theft students would not have been born discrimination or oppression. Don't criminal law and those laws are out- .ofthe service ihey normally provide when the war was still being fought. tar me with the same brush as those who do. We all have a right to be ' "^ If there is a generation that is likely who we are, and nobody can be al­ Darl(sidQ of the Cat ^JfWi Cat to forget what war is about, it is our lowed to take that right away from generation. us.

If there is a generation most likely to If more people stood up to be counted start a war, it is our generation. then, maybe, just maybe, this world will be a better place to live. I'm not We are beginning to forget. World saying everything I do, say or write War II was fifty years ago. Those is necessarily correct, or should be who served and survived are now ap­ followed. But I am prepared to put proaching their seventies. World War it down on paper and let it be read. I, the war lo end all wars, occurred I'm prepared to get oul there and say in 1914, eighty years ago. Soon there it. And I'm prepared to take what­ will be no one who fought in those ever consequences arise from it. wars left to remind us of what hap­ pened. Are you prepared to do the same?

Wc must start remembering. ^ Anzac day is a day of remembrance. Stephen Dann A day when those who lost friends and relatives in war remember the ' The lirst is on ttie 15tti, the last on Itie 29th fallen. It should be a day that we re­ ot June. Oti gods, a wliole month of exams... spect. 2 Except maybe Barry Manilow or Equity lectures, 3 Between ttie difference in dates of Austral­ 38 It must be a day when we, the gen­ ia's withdrawal, America's withdrawal and the eration without war, remember the fighting actually ending, I'm not certain of I h«ard a meow from the grassy knoll. tragedy and human cost of war. which year the war ended. This time it's frivolous Prank Week 94

Prank Week There will be prizes. The name that strikes fear into the heart of Buildings and Grounds. Se­ There are three separate categories at curity, and proprietors of lesser known the moment, and depending whether 7-11 stores. we can get sponsorship, more may arise. Category 1 is the Best Teain Prank Week - The Week the Uni goes Prank. Category 2 is Best Individual mad.... Prank, category 4 is best College Re­ lated Prank. In previous years (ie 1980s) Prank Week was a major event In the Uni­ Pranks will be judged according to ihe versity calendar. Under the cover of following criteria darkness, young men and some young • Fundamental stupidity - if it's dumb, women would venture forth to wreak it's a chance untold damage upon the sanity of the • Humour - If we laugh al It, we'll like university staff. Nothing, well virtu­ it. Two influential members of the highly successful 1993 • Technical Merit - Style, grace and ally nothing, was sacred. In 1953 Prank America Team in a self congradulatory mode there was the Mystery of the Tower not falling over during the dismount, Footsteps. Someone climbed the • Difficulty - The bigger It is. the That was over forty years ago. Recent Forgan Smith clock tower and at­ harder it was to do. The harder it was pranks have included the fabulous tached large black footsteps to the to do. the bigger the points. Prank Tour - the roundabout on Sir tower. The footsteps looked like some­ • Originality - Heck feel free to copy Fred Schonnel drive became a desert one had nonchalantly strolled up the classic pranks of yesteryear, but re­ island; a large replica ofthe loch Ness side of the building. Suffice to say the member, a new prank is worth more monster appeared in the Greal Duck Uni Admin was less than impressed. points. Pond, the information booth was The great Vice Chancellor himself de­ • Whether it really aggravates the Vice painted up to look like Play School. clared that "Those footsteps must Chancellor or nol. Ifyou can produce Yes, you know, a bear in there and all come down." The following night a prank thai gels the VC's attention, that. Events involving the Main Refec, down they came. Pointing down that then you'll gel our judges attention. a lone gunman, a dozen overacting is. The same someone had gone up students and lots of spilt tomato sauce that tower and pointed the footsteps The Rules are simple really. caused a passing interest when the so they now announced the return of • The pranks must be carried out dur­ feat was repeated at a McDonald Res­ the building walker from the sky. It ing the allotted lime. taurant. Ah, that was glorious time... took buildings and grounds a lot of • The prank tnust be registered with a ladders to remove them, Semper editor on the specially drafted Reminiscence aside, down In the legal disclaimer clause to be eligibl' depth ofthe Union Complex, hideous • Anonymity will be guaranteed up Darkside of the Cat conspirators have been meeting, plot­ until the third fingernail is removed. ting and planning. In the room next Then we'll teU all. to them, Semper has been research­ • Pranks must not cause physical ing, revising and generally regurgitat- harm to any person, and should be i?ji^ing the idea of the Prank week. So. mindful of the law. 1 Uvith the bravery and stupidity as­ • The spirit of the prank Is ingenuity, sociated with our kind of work, the humour. Imagination organisation Semper editors are issuing the chal­ and bare faced nerve. If you've got it lenge. flaunt it.

Prank or die. Full details of rules, prizes and the legal A little extreme yes. but it's better than disclaimer will be in be a Pranker or vote for the Confeder­ Issue 5. ate Action Party and much more In­ telligible than Wibble Wlbble Wobble. Start plotting. The aim of the game is simple. Dur­ ing August 8-11, (that's in second se­ - Billy Ray Cyruses cat assists with mester), Prank Week 94 will erupt on the writing of 6chy Breaky Heart campus. QM. 1 wish I was a Pranksr 39 ThE POWER OF TIIE MiqhTY Thuivib Wilhin two hours of arrival he had scored hitn- Semper's final installment of a mellow personality and a nice joint. The trio scramble across trees that self a job cleaning carpets. Harry the German Stuart Suares travel memoirs. carpet cleaner, was not a very good business­ have been thinned a week prior man, he drank all the profits. Ed would be left on each selects a tree and begins t site, steam cleaner in hand while Harry would Whistler saw. Ed's exhalations form clouds' venture down the pub. Harry's steam cleaning of steam, the tips of his fingers, toes T| outfit needed repair. Damaged hoses were band­ are numb with cold, his body shiv­ aged with tape, compressors screamed and died ers uncontrollably, The lower sec­ on a regular basis and the truck needed replace­ "It's seven AM lets go" tion of the tree, to be pruned is thick ment. Working with/without Harry was always Boots, gloves and scarves are adorned, the with foliage, Ed has to hack his way stressful, problems were the norm. Harry would steps are slippery someone always falls on exit. towards the trunk. The tree sens­ drop Ed off at some opulent home and head ing it's impending devastation al­ "Arrgh, thud, thud, thud.... stupid fucken' stairs"

The Students' Legal Service takes instructions in most areas of the law particularly conveyancing, personal injury actions, wills and deceased estates. We offer competitive rates to University Staff and provide a special service to members ofthe Students' Union charging only SIC) once only, per nialier(convevancing and general commercial matters nol included). So i- \ ou're having hassles with the law drop by and see what Alan, Stafford or Libby Once only, per matter. can do for you! The Students' Legal Service, Union Building, University of Old, St Lucia 0 4067 Ph: 377 2200 On Campus Ext: 89238 Fax: 377 2220 Beware of the Tow Truck TOW trucks are sometimes necessary if you have been unlucky enough to Points to note: become involved in an accident and as a result you can't drive your car. 1. Discuss the fee before you authorise the operator to tow your car. However, you should be aware that the tow truck industry like many others is 2. Be aware that your car does not have to be taken to a yard —it can be taken very competitive and there are some unscrupulous operators who prey on stu­ home where it won't incur the storage charge but the Xovj fuck operator will want dents who are unaware of their rights. the money "upfront" i.e. you pay before the car gets towed. It came to our notice recently when a student was involved in an accident. The 3. Ifyou have to gel the car tov/ed to a storage yard, get it out of there as soon as tow truck operator was quickly on the scene and said "you'd better let me tow possible as the storage charges mount up quickly. you away - it vvill help your case". The bewildered student "signed a form" and Alan Stickley, Students Legal Sen/ice. the car was towed away to a holding yard. The only case it helped was the tOW truck operators. The yard charges a storage fee for holding the car and this must be paid along with the usual $140.00 towing fee before the car can be ,i:y released. Renting Premises This is the time of the year when many students are looking for accommoda­ ^, A rv tion. Many share nouses, others rent units and some rem a room in a house. Most tenancies are governed by a lease and come under the Residential Ten­ V ancies Act ana a student's rights and obligations under the lease ana tne Ac: can be readily ascertained. A legal "grey atea" evolves however, v/hen a student rents a room in a house, usually with ctner students renting other rooms, and sharing common areas such as bathrooms, toilets, lounge and dining areas and ttie like. In some .^ instances, the "landlord" of the premises is simply a person who has leased the whole house from the owner and has sublet each of the oearooms to a student. / .^'^? There is considerable doubt whether the student's individual room can be .:^v' defined as "premises" and therefore qualify for protection under the Residen­ iO'^^f ^ tial Tenancies Act. If they are not premises, then the student merely has a license which can be cancelled on reasonable notice by the landlord. How­ ever, some landlords do not worry about such niceties as giving reasonable notice and simply evict the student. If this happens, very little can be done for the student. We therefore urge students to rent the whole of the premises, be it a house or unit, ralher than a room as the legal position will be somewhat clearer in the'event ol a dispute tt'OSv^ over the tenancy. 'S&^ Alan Stickley Students Legal Sen/ice STOP PRESS! STOP PRESS! STOP PRESS! STOP PRESS! STOP PRESS The Student Union's brand new Employment Officer, the capable Zoie Sherrin. is now in her office and ready to do business. So if you need a job, part-time, full-time or in- between, drop on in to the Employment Office, top floor ofthe Union Complex, and register!

All you ever wanted to know about olio! AMINO ACIDS... DE but were afraid to ask. The entire human body is Chef Clay, having quires knowledge of how the active workers), when fatigue made mainly with proteins recovered from last body operates. Basically it ^"d muscular effort demand (derived) from the Greek month's bean frenzy goes like this. The body begins i^ore protein refuelling, word meaning 'of first im­ plunges into an add trip, at once to break down the food Even with this brief look at portance'. These proteins can amino acid trip that is... proteins within the digestive protein it becomes obvious be broken down into the basic tract. Those it can't break that anyone contemplating a building blocks of life we call man tissue. Plant proteins al- down are 'dietary fibre' pro- change in diet from meat-eater ammo acids. Without a proper though a good source of pro- teins. Those it can break down to vegetarian, or even vegetar- intake of aminos, in both tein do not offer the same as- become the amino acids. The ian to vegan should do so with quantity and quaUty the body sortment as animal proteins food proteins combine with some forethought. I suggest simply cannot survive. Even do. the body's own proteins talking to people who have ex- relatively small deficiencies of However as the human body "^^^^^^ the alimentary tract perience in these areas. Help one or more of the amino ac- ^^^ ^^^^^ ^ ^^^^j .^^ /^ before being digested and ab- can be obtained from organi- ids can lead to malnutrition, or animal protein, it is quite pos- f/bed into the blood stream, sations such as Australian other health related problems, sible, as vegetarians know, to These resulting amino acids Vegetarian Society (Qld There are 22 amino acids fulfil the body's need without ^re then used to replace worn- Branch) phone 300 1274; or which are known to be neces- it. A combination of plant pro- °"* muscle tissue cells, nerve talk to the Hare Krishna's at sary for the normal function- teins such as rice, beans, ^^^^^' ^^^ymes, and the like, their Wednesday Vegetarian ing of the body Fourteen of wheat, and so forth, mixed in How much protein is required Society Food Stall, these, called 'non-essential the right proportions, will al- for each individual depends amino acids,' can be manufac- low the human body to obtain on a number of factors; such tured by our bodies under the the necessary supply of amino as the rate of growth in the proper conditions. Eight more, acids, and without the health body (as in bodybuilders and ;..• " .,..,,,.,:,, called'essential amino acids', risks associated with diets adolescents), whereby the .{' ~'' cannot be manufactured by high in animal fat and choles- faster the body grows the : . ;^ our bodies under any condi- terol. more protein it needs; whether ' .^• tion and must be taken in with the proteins in the foods we Tb get the best biological value ^^^ ^'^ "^^^^ ""' ^^"^^^^ (^^- ' """ V eat. from your protein synthesis, "^ales need more amino acids f^^ then, all ofthe amino acids are ^^^^ "^^^ ^^ ^^^^ ^^- ... There are various sources of required in the correct P'"^"" pregnancy, r{j -^ protein to supply the essential amounts. In the vegetarian "Menstruation and, .:;/, aminos. They can come from diet this can be as simple as "^^^opause); and life-, -^ , either animal sources (meats, putting beans in a Mexican ^^^^^ (^P^*"^^ P^°P^^ ,i '^^ *-^v,.. milk or eggs), or through tortilla. Each of these foods ^^ Physically fruits, vegetables, grains and lacks certain amino acids, but ^ HARE KRISHNAS nuts. The highest nutritional when combined creates a corn- /-•,>,.:» and value of protein will be found plete protein. FOOD FOR UFE in the animal sources as they rp j ^ j ^i. • For about three years now the Hare Krishna's uhav, e a simila. -1 r makeu, p t^o huu - to understand the importance h6ve been operating a vegetarian club on the have a similar malcrpiin fn hil- . . ^'^ <• campus, serving up to 3S0 plates of food at the -•'\ Wednesday markets. Not only do they provide a ot protein in our diet it re- •. very cheap and nutritious meal for students, but they ' ^ continue to help those in need through their food outlet in Brunswicl? St. Fortitude Valley. Until re­ fW'iWfffZ^ffffffff^. cently they had been gi\;ing out food for free in the Vegetarian Gravy Valley, but Lord Jim and his cronies have seen fit not to support them this year. Therefore they have / Ige Onion, chopped fine ^ Ifyou dont own a blender, you may need to grate been forced to charge a nominal $2.00. Bui you can 1 Ige Carrot, grated ^ and then chop the vegetables. Misp, a high protein still eat all you wanl. If you've ever been tempted to flavouring made by iermentsng grains such as rice r Ige Celery stick, chopped try their vegetarian meals, but were a bit unsure m andbariey, is very concentrated. So use sparingly tt about what it was going to cost you, and we're not A handful of Mushrooms, ^ can be bought from nwst health food shops, and talbingstrictly about money here, then don't worry, ^ stores extremely well in the fridge or freezer. chopped They're not hard sell libe some other religious groups 1 heaped tspn Garlic, crushed ^ METHOD: Heat the oil in a deep saucepan, then around. And in financial terms, you can't beat it. You y^ add the vegetables. SWoverthe heatfora fewmin- can join the Vegetarian Club for $3, and ihey will 1 tspn Miso {any flavour) utes, andaddgariic. Continue cooking. MixOiestock provide you with a great little coofj-booi? "The Higher 2 tbspns HP Sauce (BBQ will do) p cube and miso in the hot water for~a few minutes Taste'. Meals are then just $2 for the rest of the and add to the saucepan along v/Hh wine, mush- 1 tbspn Tomato paste year.($3 for non- members) and you can eat as much moms, HP sauce, herts and tomato paste. Bring to as you libe. The recipe boob fills you in on their food ? Ige Vegetable stock cube y^ the tx}il then simmer for about 45 minutes or until it philosophy, as well as giving you 70 pages of reci­ 1 litre Hot Water ^ has reduced to a gravy consistency. pes. I'd tell you more, but why not join the club and 1/2 tspn Mixed Herbs ^ Cool the gravy and place it in a blender for a few read it for yourself. The Hare Krishna's have a res­ ^ moments if desired. Theflavour Improves over a fevi/ taurant in the city. Govinda's. situated at 99 Eliza­ 1/2 tspn fvlarjoram (optional) ^ days, and it car) be kept in the fridge for ^xiut a beth street, and it Is open Mon 10,-Fri from 11,30 to A dash of Red Wine (optional) m week. It feezes well. Sen/e with rissoles, sausages 2.30 pm. On Friday night it is open from 6 - 8,30 pm, ^ md nut-meat loaf. and on Sundays they have their regular feast. You Pepper to taste M [Cost for approx 1/2 litre - $2.00) can't beat the value, and as far as vegetarian food A dash of oil goes, it's also hard to beat.

KiiS!SS2SCffi\fi35J?JS^?K^^ •Xssm^:^^ status Mr Spock. Co m ED y TO BOLDLY ML JOKES THAT NOONE HAS TOW BEFORE Stand-Up Comedy Finals and Franklyn Ajaye by Larina Alick After running for several weeks at Bob's Comedy Cafe, the "Seinfeld Competition" had its The competition was followed by finals at the Sit Down Comedy a performance from profes­ Club on Friday. April 22. The sional comedian Franklyn club was sold out an eager au­ Ajaye. Franklyn Is an American dience awaited the amateur comic whose television appear­ comics. ances include "Late Nlghte with David Letterman". The tonight Luci Connor was the first to Show starring Johnny Carson" tread the boards. She did very well, commenting on the Bris­ and "The Arsenio Hall Show". bane Broncos among many His film credits include "The other topics. Andrew Nason fol­ Burbs" with Tom Hanks. "Stir Bob's Comedy Cafe lowed, armed with his guitar, Crazy" with Richard Prior and and sang us his re-worded ver­ Gene Wilder, and "Car Wash", and enduring cult film. He by Larina Alick sion of "Gloria" called "Mor­ .\ new mecca for this city's arty-farty mons", and his original "My has also released three al- 'r| bums ofhis material over the crowd has been created, It's Bob's are trying to get that big break, Girlfriend's a Gymnast". Then Comedy Cafe and although not with­ came Meshel Laurie, who made years. Bob's crowd is not a tame one. Even out its flaws, it is certainly worth a the Ingenious link between the I must say that FrankljTi is the after a great set from the compare, if Fred Ward ("House of Horrors") coolest man I have ever seen. visit. the next act isn't good enough the incident and the disappearing Speaking lo him after the show The management of the Sil Down audience will let them know. Thev cast members from Neighbours. he mentioned jazz comedians, Coined]' Club joins with Bob's Bar & .,,, .. ., f 1 • ' Her fast-paced take-off of the and I think that's the best way won t throw rotten fruit or anything, -M^,,, M^;- ,, , to describe him. A jazz come­ Grill at Breakfast Creek Wharf each '^ New Idea commercials went and even heckling is a rarity, but iripi ^jown brilliantly. Steve dian. His laid-back style was a Saturday night to present the Cafe... to the bar will be taken in the mid- McWilliam was the fourth per- surprising change to the in- your-face comics currently on It's not really a cafe as such. More dle of some-one's set in a polite but former and gave a memorable like a yuppie club with expensive the circuit. His confidence on unmistakable gesture of "good bve". impersonation of the Jamaican stage is due his twenty-two lighting bolted to the ceiling, a mi­ army. Sally Rope rounded off years experience with a micro­ crophone and a black box stage. But Then there is the joke-telling compe- the evening with a solid routine phone in his hand. His set went this adds to the raw, almost danger­ tition, with the fabulous prize ofa on various topics, including for over an hour and while that Bob's Comedv Cafe T-shirt, Anv-one "^^"^ '^"'•"'^'"' ^"^^ Cobain and ous feel to the place. It balances on ice-cream vans. may seem Uke a marathon ef­ can get up and tell a joke, and abso­ the fine line between the conserva­ fort, his Ccilm smooth style held lutely any-one does. Steve won the competition, the audience the entire time. He tive and the comic, as do the acts. judged curiously by presenters was awe-inspiring. If you ever One little suggestion from me to all from Ten News (don't you love The evenings arc compared by pro­ gel the chance to see Frankljai who intend to partake of the open it when a sponsor gets In­ Ajaye, do so. He is one of the fessional stand-up comedians from volved?). Meshel and Andrew mike: the crowd can turn ugly so be great un-sung comics around the Sit Down Comedy Club (most shared second place. today. warned, be ready and be confident. notably Paul Brasch, Adam Couper If one morc person gets on stage and and Jimmy Poulos) who invariably says "Jeez, these lights are bright", win the crowd over. Then there is an 1 was worried on entering a place like this as I'm going to start bringing tomatoes. Evenonc wains lo be crazy .sometimes, and "open mike", There have been events to what type of humour would they use, like the Senfield competitions for But to everv-one else un-bitten bv this week 1 wiintcd to go wild. would it be scxisi. racist, or homophobic. amateurs to do stand-up routines. Of the comc(.\\ bug. checking out Bob'.s 1 think m\ mad .streak developed on I'rid;)y Well luckil)-. .\0 vxn is the /j?ost noticeable course this brings out the worst in is well worih it, .\o cover charge, so "'S'^' ^^ ''^^\<\^s^' just as 1 was saying "Uni feature ofthe shc}w (besides il being funny groupof drunks inchambrayshirts I is that it avoids offending anyone), Weil ex­ some people, in particular males, you get to see the Comedy Club's laveii t seen that before" cept drunks in the front row, people from who think after twelve rum and cokes professional comics for free Reason­ it got stronger at the Criterion tavern on New Zealand, anc people who wear check that they are the next .Mick .Molloy. able drink prices, and very good for Satuday night when the stench of vomii shirts (and I promise not to do it again). For some reason, comparisons to a laugh or two. The crowd is a little some how lost its percular charm, From the veiy firstmomen t you are accosted older one than a uni student crowd, Rodney Rude and Kevin Bloody Thursday at the R. K. 1 was really crazy as 1 by a large group of crazies, People with Wilson spring to my mind, but per­ but bring a gang. Maybe we can start was jostled and rained on (at least 1 think, masses of make-up who basically pay-out on haps I am expecting too much. Nev­ taking over the place. no hope, it was rain). your clothes, so b.ing a sense of humour. The show indudes both high quality stand- ertheless, 1 did hear a mother-in-law Venue: Bob's Comedv Cafe So when Semper offered me the opportu­ up and sketches. One of the funniest I joke last Saturday night, Where: Upstairs, Breakfast Creek nity to review CRAZIES a comedy restaurant in Paddington 1 was ready, 1 was wild 1 was sketches included a private eye in one ofthe "JMvhich scared me consider­ Wharf crazy. toughest beats in town, ably. But in amongst the des­ When: Saturday nights Southbank. There was also an Crazies is an attempt to provide a truly high perate and the drunken, Cost: No cover charge oddball policeman, a hippy and there are real comedians who quality theatre restaurant in Brisbane, It heaps of singing and dancing. hires only theatre students and does pro­ vide excellent comedv, Go to crazies, its funny, has good food and most importantly ifyou It's comedy Jim, but not as we know it. 45 CINEMA REVIEWS CINEMA REVIEWS CINEMA REVIEWS For those who want to see a lot more of Germinal, a movie recently pre­ sented in the Festival of French Films and Elle naked (approximately 10 kg more) now distributed commercially, is a produc­ and a cast of equally voluptuous naked tion which aspires to great heights and people, don't miss John Dugian's lat­ promises much, bul may nol necessarily est film Sirens. From the director of deliver. Forthe cinema buff, il is seen, some­ Flirting and The Year My Voice Broke, what salienlly, as a film hy French director/ comes an intense, provocative film. producer Claude Berri, a man, as Roman Dugian attempts to create a film about Polanski would have it, "of sudden but last­ sensuality and its repression, with the ing passions". Lasting too is his fame in the wake of Jean dc Florette and Manon des underlying yet unmistakable current of Sources, this time to be augmented by hav­ the Church's disdain for sexuality. ing secured a cast of Gerard Depardieu, the Sirens revolves around the outrageous epitome of Frenchness in cinema, taking a leading rilealongsid e Miou Miou. For the Norman Lindsay, Australian artist and music enthusiast there is Rcnaud - a man writer, who's portrayal of female sexu­ who has braved the transition from the stage ality with a twist of religion created a lo the screen (this lime not clad in leather); sensational stir. the stunt proving to be much more success­ Sirens begins when a young clergyman ful than previous Anglo-American attempts Sl^i^effd tween her and her husband as she strug­ to cash in oa pop idols. Finally, to d^ose with Anthony Campion (Hugh Grant) and gles to shake off her repressed sexual a social conscience - they may be placated his naive wife Estella (Tara Fitzgerald) shock as they draw the younger model desires. with the knowledge that the script is an ad­ move from England to set up a new Giddy (Portia De Rossi) and Eslella aptation of Emile Zola's work of the same Turning to the incredible maleness of ministry in the bush. On route Campion deeper into the subconscious web of their name, the thirteenth in the series of Rougon- Delvin (Mark Gerber) the blind handy is asked to stop at Norman Lindsay's sexuality. Marcquat. (Sam Neil) home, with the task of con­ man, she finds her own sensuality and Central to the concept of Germinal The myth ofthe Sirens is Lindsay's new vincing Lindsay to withdraw his etch­ takes from the time spent in Lindsay's is the struggle ofthe oppressed coal miners project. The painting begins whh his na­ in Lille, Northern France, in 1884. The ing "The Crucified Venus" a nude garden of Eden, her new identity as a ked wife Rose (Pamela Rabe), Sheela, growuig needs of each worker, compounded woman on a cross, from an exhibition. complete woman. Pru and a semi clad Giddy. As Giddy by that of their numerous progeny, the re­ A commanding performance from Tara Intenwined are the muses who nakedly sheds her clothes and her inhibitions, duction of salaries in order to be able to com­ Fitzgerald in the pivotal role of Estella pete with the inlernationai market and the tease and play in the picturesque mys­ Estella travels on an intense and trou­ supported cleverly by Hugh Grant as the seething insensitivily of the upper class are tical beauty ofthe Blue Mountains. The bled journey. This journey though her avant garde clergyman. Sam Neil as a the ingredients in this epic which persists models Sheela (File) and Pru (Kate dreams eventually leads to conflict be- somewhat perverse artist and the Incred­ with its sodal purpose for nearly three hours. Fischer) unashamedly strip, pose and More important, however, is the emphasis ible muses who are like fairies in the on the gradual awakening of the working night. class - a parallel process to the evolution of Sirens is a film that will leave you Marxism in European society at Ihe end of squirming in your seats wishing that your Ihe last century. Th« Paper The description of the daily occur­ sex life could be filled with the same una­ rences in Ihe lives and deaths of Maheu As the publicity blurb so accurately The film is directed by Ron Howard shamed fantasies and lustful touching. (Gerard Depardieu), Maheude (Miou states, this is "a comedy-drama about (yes. the guy from Happy Days) whose worh. marriage and other forms of Hsting of directing credits is ridicu­ by Monica De Martin combat". The Paper is a fast-paced film lously good. Night Shift. Splash, Co­ about a hectic 24 hours in the life of coon, Willow. Parenthood and Bach- Peter Greenaway's latest offering Henry Hacbett (played by Michael draft. Keaton) the metro editor of a New Yorh is classic Greenaway, Tautology tabloid. The film explores the trivial Michael Keaton has the lead role as a aside, it combines textual rich­ and monumental decisions each of us worbaholic joumalist at a New Yorb ness with more than a dash of Sun. Keaton acts brilliantly, with a few mabe every day. and how those deci­ controversy. The film is set up as sions can dictate the rest of our lives. shining comic moments, but is mainly a dramatic character, which 1 found to a three act medieval miracle play The dead-line mentality of modern set in 1650s Italy, wilh you, the society is also examined, as well as the be a starh contrast to his previous viewer, watching an audience tension between family and career for worb. My memory of Keaton mainly both men and women, and the power revolves around comedies such as watching the play. Greenaway of the media. Beetlejuice, The Dream Team and his then plays with this alienation by cameo appearance in Much Ado Attout cutting to behind the scenes so Several stories are running al the same Nothing alongside Ben Elton. Of that at times the film almost has time, however the film is not so com­ course there were his so-called "dra­ plex as to become confusing. This is a matic" parts in Batman, Pacific Heights a documentary feel to it. The re­ solid and thought-provohing film, with and My Life, but 1 missed those latter ality/fantasy line is manipulated a good balance of comedy and drama two films and gosh, am 1 bicbing my­ to tlie point that the viewer can as a multitude of characters faced their self now. Nevertheless. Keaton is great t never be quite sure who is acting own personal cross-roads. in The Paper and my faith in him has and who isn't. But of course been restored. they're all acting really aren't Glenn Close portrays the bitter and they? There is one scene in par­ twisted managing editor of the New macan ticular where Greenaway demon­ Yorb Sun. You don't suppose she has strates his abhorrence for the been typecast by her appearances in church so forcefully that you can Fatal Attraction and Dangerous Liai­ There are a series of familiar faces do­ sons, do you? ing special appearances in this film, the only wonder which Christian most notable of whom are Jason Alex­ brothers school he went to. He Marisa Tomei has really pissed me off shows the church sanctioning the in the past. Her irritating portrayals of ander (George from Seinfeld) who Brooklyn bimbos brought me no joy. plays the victimised parhing commis­ rape of a young virgin as being However, she too has redeemed her­ sioner, and Catherine O'Hara (Home righteous retribution for her per­ self in The Paper through her portrayal Alone) as Martha's embittered friend ceived crime. Yet the way it is pre­ who tells her in no uncertain terms just of Martha Hacbett. Henry's wife, eight sented in the film raises voyeur­ and a half months pregnant. She has what it means to give up your career to have a baby. There are some Ameri­ ism to new depths (or Is it mak­ given up her career in journalism to ing public a crime which is so of­ have a baby and is now realising what can in-jobes, with cameos from real- a sacrifice she has made. She also is life journalists Liz Smith and Jeannie ten hidden?) by putting on film wondering if she will be raising this Williams, and sports commentator Bob what is "off* stage. This is a film child alone as Henry spends all of his Costas. you will simply have to see, if only time worbing. This is a film I highly recommend, es­ to maintain some coffee shop pecially for Journalism students who Robert Duvall is the editor-ln-chlef. credibility, I will certainly see it are wondering why they started their and a vision of what Henry could be­ again, at the Schonell, when it course in the first place. The Paper come. He chose his career over his opens on Saturday the Mth of commences screening on May 19. 46 family years ago and is now regretting it. May. Gareth Wreford. INEMA REVIEWS CINEMA REVIEWS CINEMA REVIEWS self to gather funds, establishing a union of sorts which is able to foresee a strike as be­ ing inevitable. What the miners did not 4 l/\^eddings antfa J^unerd Germinal count on was lhe hiring of Belgian scabs, nor foresee that it would be al perhaps the 'For Weddings & A Funeral' Is tills years. I love them all aclually and most significant stage of their protest. The year's best comedy. The film chal­ although tliere Is very^ little direct final confrontation with military forces, po­ lenges tradlUonal stereotypes ofthe evidence ol them In the fihn, a loi of sitioned to protect the Belgian workers deals marriage Institution. 'Four Weddings them are the inspiration for it". & A Funeral' wonderfully captures a hard Wow, and signals disillusionment for Richard Curtis says 11 was a long the way most ol us feel when all our process, "it took three months to many. friends are married and tlie fear of write the film, and eight months to Visually, Berri has successfully coinmlUnent to the wrong person. rewTtte after the director of the film. transmitted the fmstration and lhe miserabre The story focuses on eight friends Mike Newall came on board". subsistence of these human beings in great and the four weddings they attend detail, which an appropriate use of dark against the backdrop of the'English Richard CurUs began wriling al Uni­ tones enhances, stressing the dire and des­ and ScotUsh countryside as well as versity and wanted to be an actor peration of this human condition. a funeral. Although each character but he says he was 'an atrocious is deall with, the film mainly centers To complement this, there is a stark actor' and stuck to wTlUngas it was around Charles (Hugh Grant) a one way he could be on .stage. contrast to be found with the excesses of charming 32 year old whose great­ the richi n the height of the starvation and Richiird Curtis also commented that est fear is commitment to marriage. there v/ere loo many formula films one expects the line "qu'ils mangent de la However, he begins to question his produced with big budgets and brioche" (let them cal cake) more than once. fears when he meets a beautiful made because a producer thought This point is not at all subdc, but remains American woman. Carrie (Andie it would sell. He said Uiat he'd rather faithful to Zola. MacDowel) at the first wedding. have lUms made on a low budget and Miou), and their older offspring Catherine Perhaps stilled at times, with a slug­ What ensues Is an emotional cat and create something because of a de- (Judith Henry) and Zacharie (Thierry gish tempo, the film shows an attempt to mouse game of looking for Mr. or sh e to do so. "Four Weddings & A Levaret) is meticulous. Moreover, each fam­ overcome this with an enforced rhythm Miss Right. Funeral' vvas created on a low ily is a replica of the other, All are seem­ which fails totally. The rile of Bonnemort The lUm Is continuously furmy, un­ budgel and that does nol in lhe least ingly caught in a system where the direc­ does much to augment this, ralher unfortu­ like other comedies which once you handicap llie fihn. it is a lavish pro­ tors and share holders increasingly expect nately. Certain images do, however, achieve reach tlie punch line diere's no pohit duction which spent an immense amount of time creating a sense of more and offer less. Keen to break such a their impact, giving the film the epic pro­ to walch lo the end. 'Four Weddings continuation of events is Etienne L.antier & A Funeral' hones in on what is realism for the weddings and the fu­ portion desired. neral. Superbly cast, most ofthe ac­ (Renaud), a young mechanist drawr to­ really important in relationships, Definitively, Germinal is a film and for some it may not be marriage. tors have worked with each olher at wards the heat ofthe coal firesseekin g nol which shows a social reality which one can­ The film also makes a point not to some stage during tlieU" careers and only warmth but employment. Handed a not ignore, but which, perhaps, should have focus on the homosexuality of two this is reflected In their on screen lamp of a female miner who died the day been reduced in length, the over-emphasis ofthe friends, Garelh and Matthew. character relationships as their in- before, Etienne is lold that for a miner the oft destroying the object oflhe shol, ralher This film does not label people, leractions emanate the warmth, lamp is the sun. Indeed, Germinal is very lhan enhancitig it. ratlier it depicts their lives as they care and easy going naiurc of their much a film based on darkness and sullen live It and takes apart the notion of friendship. Gemiinal purports to be that which wedding. tones, the dust of the coal fields being en­ the name indicates: a seed which will ger­ demic. minate in the minds of the workers until it If there is one comedy you should Richard Curtis, the wTlter of 'Four see the whole year, let it be this one. But in that flame Etienne sees a becomes an inevitable reality. As Etienne glimmer of hope. Exposed to the socialist Weddings & A Fimeral' Is well laiown This will become a classic. strolls off into the distance, one is also left for 'Not tlie Nine O'clock News'. 'Mr. ideals and overwhelmed by lhe plight ofhis pondering such a plight, and thai is, after Bean", 'Blackadder'. The idea for the fellow worker, Etienne takes it upon him­ all, really the object. fUm 'skewed in his mind' he says. of fact, many old favourites arc featured as "It's my sweet revenge on all those the characters sil vcgeingout in front of the wasted Saturdays. I checked idiot box. At one point, Lclaina says, "Why through my diary book and discov­ aren'i things alrighi by the end of the half ered I'd been to 65 weddings in 11 hour like in The Brady Bunch?" lo which 'the harsh realistic reply is, "Yeah, bul Mr. What happens after you've grated from Brady died of AIDS " This film stars Emilio Estevez, Cuba University in the 199().s... after you've Gooding Jnr, Stephen Dorff (yes, the served your limc and dreamt your dreams Il is sobering lo note that Reality Bilcy hiis cuLie in The Power of One) and some about starling on a career and changing been written by a first time screenwriter - othe guy whose name escapes me but the world? Reality bites. Thai's the iub'- 23 ycai old Helen Childress, Her humour, doesn't matter because you know he's not ject of this willy, clever, lopical film.star ­ insighi and obvious affinity with the age important since he gets killed. ring Wmona Rydc: and Ethan Mawke. group and suliject matter arc all excellently Q The filmcenter s around Frank (Estevez) realised who hasn't left his house for the last Ryder plays Lchiina Pierce, former valedictorian of her college, who sets up Winona Ryder as usual, gorgeously pouis three months due to the arrival of his %3»i« her way Ihrough as adorably as possibly; baby daughter and decides to go to a box­ house wilh girlfriend. Vicki (played bril­ liantly and funnily by Janeane Garofalo) Elhan iHawke as the cool, sullen. dishe\'elled ing match with his brother (Dorff) and know the one whose name I can't remem­ Troy is enough to melt any giri's heart: and 5 ber). who w«rks as a shop assistant at The Gap buddies Mike (Gooding) and Ray (what's jeans store (She goes to jean folding semi­ the supporting cast are more lhan adequate, his name'.''). By now you probably realise This is a good actioa''thrillcr..'\ couple of Bu! even '.liough lite doesn't resolve at the nars). Into the domestic equation comes < that this is a buddy kind of movie. You things to note. It is an uncommon buddy Troy (Eilvar, Hawke) who has lost his end of the half hour like in The Brady Bunch, aj'o niore than coiTcct. The women in this film as it deals with male fear. There is twelflh job and been taken in hy Vicki, i! .still :iianages to achieve satisfactory clo­ filni are almost non-existent. And sorry a lot of running in thi.s filmtha t it might much to Lclaina's annoyance. You see, sure by tile end of this one and a half hours guys, even though there is lots of gratui­ be a good commercial for the iron man Troy has been trying to coax Lclaina to - unlikL reality. This film is going to he a tous violence there is no gratuitous sex. competition. Also, the setting suggests a date him for quite a few years now - classic - go see ill © Anyways, the guys set out on their ad­ modern day western complete with its something she has continually declined. venture. They're on the freeway and the ghetto-like neighbourhood qualifying as She can'l come lo terms with his rebel­ crane shot ofthe freeway suggests that a ghost town, 'The bad guys have all the lious, non-conformist ideals about life, they are really going nowhere consider­ guns while the good guys have only one. even though the attraction between them ing it is peak trafTic hour. So what do Apparently, some bright exec producer is obvious (and of course vital to the plot), thoy do? They take a detour thinking or director thought Estevez has killer that it would be a short cut. But we know fists (not). Lclaina, unlike her friends, has agood job as a crcsvmcmbcf on a crass TV. shosv otherwise don't we? In fact they enter a As Iwrite this review I think about the called "Good .Morning Grant", Ihe host of world in which they have r.o understand­ fdm'.? title and decide that any meani.ig which reserves his charm purely for his ing of, where the people play by differ­ in this film is to be generated by the title somcwhal dopey audience. But Lclaina's ent mles. It's a world of gangs, money 'Judgement Night'. Perhaps, the inten­ passion is her private documentary mak­ and lawlessness. tion is a) that walking accidently into the ing - she constantly films herself and her lb get to the point, they think they might nightmare of your life is going to make friends as they go about their daily lives have hit somebody. They get out of the you contemplate the strength of your and speak about iheir deepest feelings. van and check the place oul, discover character b) that you finallydiscove r a It is this pari of the film that makes it so that yus, there is a body but he has nol wimp among your friends c) that finally, special. Director Ben Stiller (who also been hit by the van but by a speding actors can deal with niale fear because plays the part of Michael, Lclaina's boy­ bullet. They decide to help this guy but hey it's the nineties and men can show friend) has creatively used Hi-S video. get more than what they bargained for their sensitive, vulnerable side too d) you Beta cam and hand-held cameras lo cap­ finally realise spending three months at ture the 'reality' ol the situation, and Ihc considering he's wanted by his gang for Semper has five double passes ta see stealing money. The gang finds him and home with the wife and child was not so resulting snippets are at times funny, kills him. The four friends being witness bad after all and no', such a taxing effort thought-provoking and occasionally very Reality Bites on June 15 for the firsat five to this decide that it would be a good idea as you first thought or e) all ofthe above. poignant. peopie who correctly name this person to get the hell out of these peoples' faces Reality Bites is about a generation who on June 2, in Semper at 1.00pm and run like they've never run before. Overall, it got the blood pumping, a few has grown up with television. As a matter 47 The action starts a couple of scenes later screams fiom the audience and me. A when one of the friends gets killed (you good thrilling thriller. See it. i'^fSm:

Mitigating CROWN OR Circumstances BOOKS COUNTRY by Nancy Rosenberg (Allen & Unwin, $24.95) (Orion $19.95) Overall, it's a good read. Quick and become a dichotomy: they saved his pacey. But it's even better if you forget life, and in the end they also killed him. the 'female Scott Turow' tag - it's a bur­ During his final high school exams in den Rosenberg could do without. 1984, he was diagnosed HIV pos'rttve, CR( the virus having entered his syslem through the contaminated blood prod­ Kim Forrester uct he so depended on. Little was COOTRY known of the virus at the time, in fact THI TK.'\DJTK>N;Sot ;\i.MR,\riAN Damon was one of the first haemophili­ RH't.litlCA.MS.M acs lo be diagnosed with what was April Fool's thought to have boen a 'gay disease'. Whilst Courtenay never attempts to turn Day this story into an AIDS handbook, his discussion of AIDS related issues is by Bryce Courtenay important and illuminating. He sums it up nicely by saying that "the two things society doesn't want to talk about are When you've read a book as powerful sexuality and dying, and with AIDS we and illuminating as Ih's one, it's ex­ have both." tremely difficult to write a review that He says "HIV does not differentiate be­ does it justice. How do you convey to tween the homosexual or the hetero­ potential readers the emotion and sexual" and that It is not a case of ho­ I ^»ll • \« •.?(•! N .\ III. , (i.\MM.*l.l beauty that such a text embodies? mosexuals being guilty, and haemophili­ Without trying to sound too melodra­ acs being innocenl - everyone is in this This "timely" collection of essays (al­ matic I can say that this is probably the together regardless of whether they though it would have been more timely In recent years there's been an influx most singularly important book you will acquired the virus sexually or medically if released last year when the republi­ of new authors championed by their ever read about life and love. 1 defy The only reason Courtenay stresses can debate was at its peak follo'/ving the respective publishers as the new 'Scott anyone to read it cover to cover and that Damon acquired the virus medically federal election) contains twenty con­ Turow'. For those who don't know, still remain dry-eyed, or without a lump is to make the medical system account­ tributions on Australian republicanism. Turow wrote the brilliant Presumed In­ welling in your throat, or to feel a slow- able for the inadequate ways in which Both the history and the cu.-rent phase nocent (later made into a film starring turning anger smouldering in the pit of it handled the AIDS crisis in the eariy of republicanism are covered. Harrison Ford) which spurred lawyers your stomach. eighties. He says it is "the medical pro­ The four essays in the pai entitled The the world over to start penning manu­ Essentially, this is the biography of fession, the attendant politicians and scripts-John TiheP/rmGrisham being those people in the heaHh care bureauc­ First Republicans ahhough slightly Bryce Courtenay's son, Damon, a hae­ tinged by the Marning Clark school of one of them. mophiliac v/ho died ol medically ac­ racy who allowed cost and the fear of upsetting what they regarded as a po­ Australian historiography in which Aus­ Rosenberg is not a lawyer but worked quired AIDS on April Fool's Day, 1991. tentially powerful minority faction, to tralians are good and Brits are bad nev­ for some time in the U.S. police force Inspiring in it's words of love, heart- lead to the deaths of a small, unimpor­ ertheless is useful in bringing to light handling major crimes such as homi­ wrenching in it's honesty, this is a pro­ tant and apparently expendable group." the republicans, pre federation. Politi­ cide and sex-related offences. She has foundly brave and beaulifu! book. It was cal theories of independence in its Aus­ He suggests that those in power had been referred to as 'a female Scott a book that Damon himself, had long tralian lorm as expressed by John enough information to know that AIDS Turow' which, on face value, is a fair dreamed of wriling in an attempt to Dunmore Lang and the little known could be spread through the blood, but enough comparison - l\/litigating change the way peop'e think and to Daniel Deniehy are examined here and did nothing to stop potentially contami­ Circumstances has all the righl ingre­ break down the monumental ignorance the result is worthwhile if you're not up dients: a D.A. with a tortured personal nated blood products being supplied to which surrounds AIDS, It was his father, on this area of Australian history. haemophiliacs. By the time they did do life, a good dose of sex and sex-related Bryce, author of the best novels. The crime, a fast-moving storyline and even something it was too late for Damon As for the current republicans, well il's Power of One and 7ancf/a, who brought a title lifted from a lawyer's vocabulary. Courtenay and many others like him. fhe usual crowd, Al Grassby going on this dream to life. But she has a lot to live up to, and I'm about he "colonial cringe", Irene Moss All this may suggest that the book is not sure she comes up to scratch. Whilst it's a story about Damon's life, the Federal Race Discrimination Com­ his suffering, his joys, his achievements depressing. It's not. Some of it is dis­ missioner saying Australia "is an Asian It's a simple enough story about Dis­ and accomplishments, it's also a story turbing (particularly Damon's brush with nation with a European heritage" (HG trict Attorney, Lily Forrester, wno's pro­ about our society and the ways in which the police and his subsequent 'sched­ and Roy twigged to that one with their moted to chief of the Sex Crimes Divi­ it treats those of us who are different, uling'), but it's nol entirely without hu­ greeting, "Fellow Asiansl"). Finally sion, Apart from an unsatisfying mar­ in particular homosexuals and haemo­ mour (when Damon becomes Malcolm Turnbull tells us his organiza­ riage and a rebellious 13 year-old philiacs, bolh of whom have succumbed hypermanic he's convinced the ClAare tion, the Australian Republican Move­ daughter. Lily seems certain to work her to AIDS in larger numbers lhan any out lo get him because he has a cure ment, "does not support direct elections way to the top as a judge on the bench. other group in society (Though, of for AIDSl - It's very funny in an ironic because popularly elected presidents But then a romantic fling wilh a col­ course, this is changing as more kind of way.) may be tempted lo imagine that their league sets into motion a surprising and heterosexuals become HIV positive.) Whilst there's an undercurrent of anger mandate is every bit as good as that of horrifying chain of events. Lily and her and bitterness, the story is also uplift­ the prime minister." Thanks for that, Mal. daughter, Shana, are both raped al gun Damon Courtenay was 24 years oid ing and inspirational. Damon's six year I thought the idea of a republic was to point by an intruder. Uly, an incest sur­ when he died. He had been a haemo­ relationship with Celeste is a particu­ allow the people to have a direct say in vivor, Is frantic to protect Shana from a philiac all his life. This is a debilitating larly positive testimony ofthe power of their choice of head of state, which is life of fear, and decides, quite ralion- disease, passed from mother to son, love. Sho contributes several chapters not the case at present. ally, to take the law into her own hands, which is characterised by the absence to the book which gives an interesting regardless of the consequences. of a clotting factor in the blood. Com­ Having waded through these current and aliernalive point of view to the slory. monly referred to as "bleeders", haemo­ republicans' efforts, the opus Improves It is as much her book as it is Damon's. Mitigating Circumstances is a product philiacs are prone to Internal bleeding and concludes with some political phi­ of the times we live in. Essentially it's by the slightest of knocks and bumps For Ihose of us who have grovm up losophy from Graham Maddex (Profes­ aboul the breakdown of law and order, to the body. Such bleeding can create under the shadow of AIDS it's impossi­ sor of Politics U.N.E) and Aiistair and the search for justice, set in an immense damage to the surrounding ble to exaggerate the importance of Davidson (an old lecturer of mine at American context where "hail the peo­ tissue, leading to muscle or joint dam­ April Fool's Day But be warned, it's a Sydney Uni). Maddox gives us the "re­ ple walking around have more firepower age, inflexibility, immcbility and even gripping read from the very first sen­ public" via Plato, St Augustine, and in their pockets than the cops." There's arthritis. To help minimise the damage tence to the last. This is the kind of book Macchlavelli while Davidson talks about no doubt Rosenberg knows her stuff, and stop the bleeding, transfusions of that will hit you righl between the eyes, the republic idea through post-modern but she hasn't the same eye for detail the clotting factor become a day-to-day but instead of blinding you, may just theory in his essay "Res Publica and that Turow possesses. And while there occurrence. All in all, it's a painful and help open them a little wider. Citizen", Finally, Wayne Hudson, a are a couple of twists in the plot, her potentially lethal condition. For Damon Griffith Uni academic gives us chapter Kim Forrester writing is by no means exceptionally Courtenay the everyday transfusions 16: Planetary Republicanism. Nicely exciting. The ending is a little disap­ Utopian, sort of Gaia and the Governor pointing, leaving me with the feeling, is General. that all? An extra chapter might have 48 rounded things out better. Dougy Jones v?^',^::;-f5^*^5a#^!?^'?V'.W :w'*" ;?*."*.-.j'''''-T'.'V'.'"t^'-' '-.''"'h ''.">,•'•'-"' '~

;-f;V.

'.r.f',.^-"'.^ ^ :3%H- Virtual Cleese Light BOOKS Encounters by William Gibson teresting, while the narrative moves at very general axioms) about jokes, gags a pace barely below light speed. and one-liners. The best one is that only by John Margolis William Gibson is the terrorist one joke in ten will actually work, which Cleese encounters by John Margolis is ofthe sci-fi novelists, attacking a coma­ is spot-on. Vorhaus has also written an unauthorised biography of John tose genre and bringing il back to the episodes of The Wonder Years and the Cleose tho British Comedy genius bo- twentieth century. His weapon is that much more accurateWarr/ec/ with Chil­ hind Monty Python, Fawlty Towers and satisfying rarity in a novel, a work of rel­ dren, and so The Comic Toolbox is a Fish Called Wanda. Don't be tricked, evance to modern society. Read it, based around a definite school of comic unauthorised doesn't mean scandalis­ think about it, disagree with it, whatever. thought, albeit a very obvious, hyper­ ing and muckraking in a Royal biogra­ But know you're looking at an impor­ bolic American one. 1 can't say that it phy fashion. No it's just Ihat Cleese tant work really appealed lo me, largely because doesn't want a biography done. The fay an honest writer. You can't ignore it. I'm not a fan of the intettectualtsing of book is a very sympathetic, almost re­ humour or of most American comedy vering look at a man the author obvi­ (Sans Denis Leary, W C Fields, Woody Micliael O'Toole ously admires greatly. Allen and Busier Kealon). Still, all that's simply a inatter of personal preference The book is written in a quite clear bal­ (like book reviews). If you're Interested anced fashion, relying heavily on both WILLI AIVI in the art and artifice of comedy. The published interviews wilh Cleese and GIBSON Comic Toolboxis worth a look. If you're associates and inten/iews conducted by A iH tl 0 r o 1 « c o n 0 M A N c t n lucky, you'll learn something. But I'm the author with friends, associates and buggered if I did, even neighbours from his home town of Weston-super-mare (who are still V I r t u a I Marcus Salisbury amazingly rather unaware of Cleese's 's L i g il t meteoric rise). In good biographical form, the booK starts at his childhood and goes for­ ward, though when looking at his ca­ Excellent, excellent, excellent. Reaiiy reer it tends to jump around a little due surance salesman (it was a far more not bad. Head programmer of the to the tendency of Cleese's projects to honourable profession in those days) cyperpunk movement William Gibson overiap. While the purist might com- in the seaside town of Weston-super- continues his exploration of the urban plan, and to be fair I got the dates a mare, an only child he attended private '• nightmare in Virtual Light with his usual little confused as a result, but 1 think the schooling gaining a view of British Au­ genius. All the familiar Gibson trade­ book is a far more readable as a con­ thority and the class system up close. marks are there - virtual reality, junk­ sequence. The book thus has chapters A class down he had vague performing ies, Reaganomicsgone insane (or more Comic arranged along the lines of broad ambitions so upon going to Cambridge themes, one on Python another on ...so), a factionallsed society, the cast of to study law he joined the "Footlights ' psychotlcs. Indeed it could be accused Fawlty Towers and so on. By way of Toolbox Club" and so met future members of consolation an extensive timelines ap­ of being Neuromancer Bk IV If not for Monty Python and The Goodies. The . two basic changes -the focus here is pendix of everything Cleese ever had a strength of Uieir performing skills landed hand in is included for reference. definitely on people not computers or by John Vorhaus them jobs in the BBC leading via a Al, and there's more than a hint of opti­ heavily twisted path lo Flying Circus. in short John Cleese was born in World mism underlying the novel. Conse­ Fawlty Towers and a half dozen mov­ War u to Reg and Muriel Cleese. an in- quently this is Gibson's most accessi­ I'm always a bit suspicious of "How to be funny" books. They always seem to ies. Along the way has been two mar­ ble work to date, and perhaps the most riages, hvo daughters, a large quantity enjoyable lo judge only from the be pitched at public speakers and "busi­ ness people", who should slop worry­ of psychoanalysis including two books adrenalin rush induced by the narrative. on the subject and the slaying of almost Any plot summary is going to ing about being amusing and just do their bloody jobs properly (the business all his personal demons. It ends beg­ be doing the novel an unforgiveable dis- ging the question that now that he is so sen/ice, but anyway, here goes. Basi­ dudss, not the public speakers. Public speaking is inherently un-funny). No­ content is he still funny? His silence cally the majority of characters are in­ since a Fish Called Wanda in 1988 volved in the search for a pair of high- body can just stand in front of a micro­ phone and become an instant Billy would suggest so but maybe he's work­ tech one off virtual reality sunglasses ing on the best thing yeL worth mega bucks and stolen by a dis­ Conolly It doesn't matter if you've read enchanted delivery girl. The chase is every book on humour that's ever been Well researched and well written on, there are good guys and evil dudes written, what matters is practice (which Margolis has avoided drawing his own and like all good postmodern charac­ entails muscling in on an incredibly his­ conclusions on Cleese (in facl he's ters neither side seem completely sure toric clique) and natural comic timing. openly critical of journalist's attempts to which category they fit into. Though And if you ain't go it, you can't get it. do so) preferring to those he inter­ complex the plot Is a little thin, but any­ But John Vorhaus would disagree with viewed, those who know Cleese far way this is all really just an excuse for me. According to him, being uproari­ better, do it for him. The book is very Gibson to write a futuristic road novel. ously risible is simply a matter of using easy to read (especially on public trans­ And write it well he does. The some comic "tools" (ergo. The Comic port, how convenient) and quite inter­ envisaged society comes violently and Toolbox). He starts from the simple esting for any lover of Archie Leech, viscerally to life in a barrage of inciden­ equation that "comedy equals truth plus Basil Fawlty or the Minister of Funny tal detail and laconic descriplion. Each pain" (I would disagree and say that Walks. Highly Recommended. character is original, but better still in- comedy equals pain plus hindsight) and creates a whole series of axioms (very, S. Cameron

49 fin int«rvi«w with... Karen Moline

Inten'iew bij 'EfizaSetft geor^iadei ing. You hope that there is salva­ its everyday and her stories ai: tion for them. M doesn't have have a kind of zinging twist to the people, and I am jusi as guilty Nick's physical beauty or grace. them in the end. She's not very as anyone writing aboul these peo­ It's a very Cyrano kind of situa­ well known but I think she's a gen­ ple, why are they our heroes why tion. The man that you judge by ius. 1 admire this kind of steadfast­ are they somebody a teenage per­ his face is the one with the soul ness in her writing which is very son would aspire to be and they and the man without a soul gets all simple but very evocative at the can be such violent violent disgust­ lhe glory which is what Hollywood same time. ••ii :B ing people. But because they are is about in a way. M is the other movie stars everyone wants to be aspect of personality, always on Karen Moline has sold 'Lunch' to them and wanls to have a part ot the outside looking in. He's a keen eight countries, Australia being the them. I'm fed up with all these observe.', never going to be a par­ first to publish it. 'Lunch' is also people who are so unworthy be­ ticipant... In a way, I hope that peo­ considered to be made into a film. ing elevated and it's not just in Hol­ ple see this as a very moral kind In her next book Karen Moline lywood, all around us... one of the of Greek tragedy where these char­ wants to write something that has 'Lunch' is a alluring and acters act badly and get punished. compelling story of obses­ queerest ways I could show this is a large scope, set in a lot of differ­ sive love and uncontrollable with Nick perpetrating this vio­ ent countries with lots more char­ passion. M is bodyguard to Nick, lence against a total stranger. Girls Me: Nick's character and the way acters. Something that has less to one of Hollywood's brightest stars, that just want to have a part of him he builds the myth around his iden­ do with a specific theme such as who is witness to Nick's perversity. and why are they so willing. tity and the way people interact obsession and more to do with a When Nick meets Olivia his will with him seems to be saying some­ saga. is challenged for the very first time. Me: Olivia is very aware of her at­ thing aboul our current situation, Karen Moline is a freelance writer Olivia gives in to her dark passion traction to Nick. And I feci that she for instance what happened to specialising in entertainment and to Nick with devastating results. I goes into this relationship with the River Phoeni.x, and the way we popular culture. Her articles have spoke to Karen Moltne via phone mind of just getting it over and build up certain stars to be our he­ appeared on a regular basis in about her first novel. done with. roes. nearly every major newspaper in Me: How did you come to write a the US, UK, and Australia. She has also provided book about obsession'.' Karen: I think love and sex is Karen: Nick is a self-invented per­ celebrity interviews something you think is going tu be son. Which has something in com­ for Channel 9 in Australia. mon with Australia and America, Karen: I had wanted to write about simple and you think is something you can control it. I defy any one our countries were made from obsession for a long time and scratch, also by self-invented peo­ didn't know how to tell a story nor who can. Olivia is a strong-willed ple. You are very right to mention jlunc/i' is available at the j did 1 know how to write fiction person, equal to Nick's strong will. River Phoenix, here is somebody, I University Bookshop and all' because 1 am a journalist. Back in Nick is not used to being chal­ lenged and at first he kind of gives who as journalists, we all knew lother good bookstores. I the middle ages when my partner that this guy was smacked out of I Published by Pan fvlacmillan its [ and in to her. He doesn't know wh'at lo 1 were packaging books, we his tree. You just had to look at him tretailprice is $14.95. i were working with these two pop do and when he gets his bearings back, it's always a kind of quest and know he was taking drugs, be­ stars. They were doing a book and cause physically he had all the we were putting it together for of wills, whose will is going to be symptoms of somebody who was them. And one of these wanky lit­ on top. It's very fascinating of na­ a substance abuser. But nobody tle jerkoffs said to me 'I want this' ture because you can never under­ ever wrote about it. He would ask and 'I want that on the cover', stand human nature. And Olivia journalisis not to say that he something that was not physically keeps acting out her fear and that smoked because he was Mr, possible. I said no you can't have is what keeps her going. whole-food-Greenpeace-don't- this it's physically impossible. wear-leather y'know vegetarian Me: I thought it was appropriate Well, the look on his face when I who is smoking three packs of that she confide in her female said no; I mean you could have cigarette and is a junkie to boot. friend. framed it and sold it as a popsicle. And everybody wrote about the rd never seen anything like that in clean-green River Phoenix. It is a Karen: I really wanted to do that. I my life. Didn't even understand the total tragedy that he had to die like get fed up wilh theses books on implications of saying no to this that. But he made a choice, he obsession where these people act person... I wanted to look at why wanted drugs and he got the drugs in a vacuum, like they have no are these people our heroes and he wanted. whal happens with somebody who friends. Women especially, for is undeserving and basicdlly el­ guys it's harder to talk, have no evated to this position of immense problems in confiding and its so M: Apart from your observations power and fame and you know fi­ important to talk about. And of Hollywood and personal expe­ nancial release that no-one can Olivia's friend is just what a friend riences, who were your literary in­ ever say no to them. should be, sympathetic and she fluences? doesn't judge. Yes! You too can be the proud Karen: Angela Carter is a huge in­ owner of your very own copy Me: Nick, which is the main char­ fluence just because she writes acter certainly seems to reflect this Me: M, who is the narrator of the of "Lunch" if you drop into about the magical and the every­ experience. Nick has so much story, is not a completely passive Semper on Thurs the 26th of day. She's involved in fairytales power to do what he wants and character but seems to let Nick get May, l-2pm, with a stocking on away with a lot of perversities. and myths that interest me very commits the most horrific violence much. Another writer that influ­ your head and propose mar­ againsl women. riage to the editor of your Karen: M is the classic enabler. M ences me is American Rachel is a very tragic person. He and Ingalls. She has a deadpan style choice. Kuren: Part of the point, that 1 was and writes about the horrific as if trying to make was Ihat why, we Nick are warped beyond imagin­ 50 Crow interview Crow's debut album. My Kind of Pain, was re­ Crow are a very intense band. The power of their "We'll be recording a studio album in June and il leased to critical acclaim early last year. The al­ songs draws on the extremes of human emo­ will be released late in the year tc grab the Christ­ bum from the Sydney four-piece was a powerful tions. Yet, it seems Crow don't take themselves mas market". Archer says tongue-firmly-in- tusion of noise and melody with its highlight, the of their music to heart all the time. cheek. haunting Railhead, receiving a lol of airplay. The critical praise culminated in the album A few X-mas carols, maybe? being nominated for the best indie release "We've aclually done a version of Silent at the ARIA awards. Night." "The album was well received,,, by the crit­ Thrash version? ics anyway", says Peter Archer (singer/ "No, we've pretty much stayed true to the songwriter/guitarist) of Crow. original," "The fact that it didn't translate into record There has been a rumour going around that sales doesn't matter". one of the members of Crow entered the In January of this year, Crow, with their new Archibald Prize with a portrait of Tex Perkins, drummer, Andy Marks, recorded 16 songs Is there any truth to the rumour? on a demo. They were so impressed with "No!!.,.,", he replies in fits of laughter. the result they released a 5-track E.P, The Are there some hidden artistic talents in the Helicon Days. band that we haven't heard about? Are you How does the new E.P compare to the first following the same career path as Mental album? As Anything? "The new stuff is diverse like the old album", "If I wanted to paint someone it wouldn't be says Archer. "There are the rock numbers bloody Tex Perkins", Archer comments in and some other ballads,,. God, I hate that disgust. word. The word conjures up images of It seems quite ironic that You Am L a band Michael Bolton! Basically, there's some that have received overwhelming airplay slower songs as well". recently, have grabbed the headlining spot "The band's sound is more together be­ from a more experienced and established cause we're controlling everything now, such as producing the album," ^^^"^^ Mark Ludlow "If I wanted to paint someone It wouldn't be bloody Tex Perkins" THEATRE RiQouerrrro moosjcr)iLt)iieN irnpRovis>^cioNi^L rrnexrrRe The Lyric Opera'sf'Rigolelto" opens onto Now is an excellent lime for you all lo a bubbling Court p^, crammed wilh tipsy go and sec "Moonchildren". Whether people dancing and drinking, as one inebri­ you arc flatting^ living in college, at It has been shrewdly observed that Bris­ the Inflatable Captain, Scchhllpplt's ated guest does a sirip tease on a table. home, or even fo overseas studenl; you bane is fast becoming the improvisa­ creator Noah, and Noelene the Casta­ will identili^ with Ihe problems con­ tional capital ofAustralia. The concept way, get back in the action! Ironically, this is the introduction to whal fronted by flBe'dharactcrs in this play. oHmprovising is easy to grasp: you If your only experiences of "comedy" are i.s, in facl, a very macabre opera with a make it up as you go along. However, Shakespeare's As You Like hand smutty dark and twisted plol. Tracing thojlivcs of seven university to make up brilliantly entertaining thea­ stand-ups telling sexist jokes in smoky students living together in their final tre on the spot, from just a title or an bar-rooms. Oot On A Limb vvill surprise, The crippled Court Jester, Rigoletto, has year, "Moonchildren" confronts the audience suggestion, requires very only one joy in life—his beauiiful and in­ delight; and knock your socks off. The fears they have as they are about to clever and highly trained performers. nocent daughter Oilda, who is madly in love - atmosphere is relaxed am; cosv, reminis­ embark on an uncertain future. With The good news is that Brisbane has with the womanizing Duke of ."vlantua. cent of back-room comcuy clubs in Syd­ the Vietnam War raging around iheih, quite a large number of these ingenious ney and I x^ndon; the shinv is ludicrously their concerns ranizc from trivial rela­ odd bods, and May looks like being a Upon discovering that Gilda has had cheap (Sf) for students, unemployed, pen­ tionships to the ucath of a parent and big month for improvisational theatre .se.xual relations with the Duke. Rigolctto sioners, the Triple Z subscribers; S8 for the possibility ot conscription!- in Brisbane. In Sunday Mail terras, — determined to have revenge—hires a others); and it's nnt a hue night _ you'll "Impro is INI", so for an unusually hil man to dispose ofthe evil boyfriend. be home by ll.Dct'initclygivethisshow The play begins with a darkened set as good time make sure you catch at least a look-in. by way ofa piisi-cxam celebra­ three of the students help an imaginary one of the following shows: Gilda stumbles onto this plo:. and in a tion or ju.st to treat yourself - it's like cat give birth. This is.follqwed by a sacrificial suicide has herself murdered Out On A Limb s UMBTREK (phone nothing else you'lLsce in Brisbane or in­ instead, leaving Rigolelto tc bear the pain sequence of both comic ajid tragic 252 3330) for bookings and delail.s) deed ar.ywhcre in the galaxy! and guilt of her dealh. events; as fears are revealed'Uirough angry outbursts and feigned jubilation. If you've been religiously watching THEATRESPORTS (phone 3681700 for The audience becomes totally involved Brisbane Extra lately, you'll already details, phone I-a Boite on 369 1610 for in this drama as they drawn into it by the Michael Weller's "IVIoonchildren" is be­ known that Out On A Limb, BrLsbane bookings) beautifully designed revolving set, com­ foremo.st comedy improvisation troupe, ing staged by a group of independent Most people know about Theairesports bined with soft lighting techniques and has moved to The Attic, above The Site, actors aiming lo prove a pointl|n a Lightning Doubles, played every powerful singing. . 201 Brunswick Street. The team is per­ thought-provoking way. Sets, props, Wednesday night at 8pm at Snug Har­ forming its space adventure spoof, cosiumes and lighting have alLbeen bour Dockside. However, Iraditional In fact, the only thing I didn't enjoy about Limbtick, every Tuesday night from carefully thought-out and creativdly tie- Theatresports is played not with sue peo­ this performance wis the obnc.xious man 8:15pm. The first half of the show is signed to produce an effective setting in ple on a tiny stage but with sixteen or silting next to me ivho kepi screeching short, laughs-a-minute improvisation the living room of the students' flat. more people in a big sptice with lots of 'Bravo' in my ear, in an attempt to win games, while the second half |s the Acting is quite good for a semi-amatetur audience participation and Minties. the 'most pretentious patron' award. more involving craziness of Limbtrek production, although some character Good news - this year's Suburb of Ori­ proper, chronicling the adventures of portrayals are slightly overdont^ NW' gin Theatresports season is kicking off Apart from such encounters, it is an ex­ the Starship Improvi.se. AJl scenes^ are erdieless, personalities interact weij jn at La Boite on 8th May. ll will run for cellent night out, and there are even sub­ made up on the spot, based on wrhten titles if you don't happen to speak Ital­ stage aealing a good sense of boffi uirfty six weeks, on Sunday nighls. starting at audience suggestions, so audience par­ ian. It IS playing at the Lyric Theatre on and conflict. 7:30pm, The beats cost just $8 conces­ i'S ticipation is high without any embar­ May 23. 25 and 28.' sion (S12 full), the Grand Final $10 (S15 rassment. The Limbtrek story contin­ T.W. Chief These actors are aiming lo "fill tfie g|p full). Those people who usually skip all ues from week to week but is easy to in the quality of .standards whidi e^st the heats and have to book two weeks catch up with, and you never know between the established profe^io|al ahead for the final, you'll be missing out what far-reaching ramifications your companies and the fringe, coramuritty in a big way this season if you don't written suggestion mayjtave. r)ON"C :t:>Ress theatres of the Brisbane scene'itllis change your habits.,This season will fea­ pofiit:^t§JNeR. is successfully achieved. For example, recently the Improvise ture all 7hree JpveJs of Brisbane, lost ils android, ScchhhlUpptt, after a Theatresports every night. Lightning Set within the great Uadition of French farce, "Moonchildren" is being performed at horrifying attack by the primeval ma­ oubles raising hell in the second. Plus, "Don't Dress For Dinner" is an hilarious the Hamilton Town Hall until May 29. levolent force called Bob which had in • iliPi^iss the exciting premiere of the shemozzle of entwined ;affairs, botched Concession tickets ($11) are available ^a^v|ttently been picked up with the LROLD. It's all-new, much meeting plar.sand conftised identities. with special student concessions ($6) sp^(^:Castaway Noelene. Before expir- smpig, much dancing hilarity from the on Wednesdays. Definitely worth the ing^however, Scchhllpptt switched on sparkling wits of Brisbane's finest - Wiihacastof six exU:emely experienced money! ' . his "last yish^' auxiliary power and you'd be mad to nsjss it, . , CFitchew. actors and a fantastic script, director Pe­ spent a day fiiiding out where all the " '-. Andrea Baldwin ler Farago could hardly go wrong. left socks in the universe go to. It turns out they are eaten by.a giant slimy fish Robed Hughes (Hey Dad) and Gordon Kaye which then sweats thembut as money, ('Alio 'Alio) are excellent in tlttir respec­ which explains why no civilisation ever tive roles of Robert and Bernard, bul Amanda has money before it has socks. Leav­ Muggelton .steals the show with her portrayal ing Scchhllippptt in the heart ofthe fish, of Suzettc - the mon«y laundering cook. after a touching farewell, the Improvise '" j carrying millions of dollars in a card­ An example of "JBbulevard Comedy", board box fell straight into the hands "Don't Dress for Dinner" is typical of the ofspace pirates Avalon and Revlon on light-hearted theatre.pesigned purely to en­ the Plaiiet Bingo. Captain Buck is cur­ tertain, which has b^eif^ developing in the Ixiulevards of Pari^ since the 17lh century. rently trapped in Tunnel 35, under two thousand tonnes of rubble in the Mind Having premiered in the Pari,siim Theatre of bingo, while Engineer McKidney Michel in 1895, it ran for over two years, has become the father of Avalon's baby reaching 650 pcrfotwances before embark­ and Security Officefyentricle is carry­ ing on tour. jirhe^4irrer)t Australian pro­ ing Scchhllppptt's brain around in ajar. duction will t^ pla|ing^in Brisbanft al the Sounds complicated?- Just wait till the Riiillo Until May 28lTidDbts can be booked Maurons, the sacred|virgin Goat, the on 252 .S122*9' ^?F available at the door. Spy, Inspector N. Parker of Starfleet Command, the inhabhants of Atrium, Christine Fitchew THEATRE BLOO'oy poecRy PACO peNK Spanish guitarist Paco Pena appeared with VjqnKNKSK The Edge Theatre Company/ Metro Art-sTliea- his Flamenco Dance Company on May 10 ticJPh.22] I527/Illl28ihMay/SKi/Sl2 and 1 (ai the Pertorming Arts Concert Hall. Having read the background of "Danc­ May 20-iune 4 ing at Lughnasa", my expectations The Pirates of Pcnzanze at the Lyric V/ilh an ensemble of five dancers, three One rainy evening in Geneva, in 1816, fiVe were formulated for a production that Theatre Lyric Opera of Queensland. singers and fourguiiarists, ihc stage was lit Ph:8464(i4(>. people amuse ihcmseives telling ghost si^ would be ais distinctively Irish as "a pint ries, Young, well-read, articulate, possibty up with colour, costutnc and music for a May 23, 25, IH of Guinness beer". •under the inllucnce of mind-allcring su^ night of "Flamenco Fire". Rigolelto al Hie Lyric Theatre stances, they could be» group of undcrgrads A mixture of group and solo dances was Lyric Opera of Queen.sland. Ph: H46 464<') in 1994. BUI Percy Bysshe Shelley, Mary performed - the most impressive solos by This impression was magnified by the May 24 Godwin. Claire Clairmanl. I^ird Byron, an^ prize-winning dancers Javier Baron and media launch; where 1 listened to Swcel Honey in the Rock Spiriiual.s, William Polidori, arc; inseparable from the Sara Baras. speeches abqut'lhc play's origin in Irish hymns, lovesongs and blues at Concert Hall. Ph:«-l') in-i history of their limc and lhe ways in which The company, which last loured .Australia Celtic mythology, amidsi a room of they disrupt it. The Shel.cys believe in free in 1991. is making ils relum lo all capital smiling, friendly Guinness-drinking May 26 love, equality of men and women, ihc aboli­ cities wilh a programme thai will undoubt­ people. Quator Ysaye with Philiippe Cas-jaid A tion of class. Byroa, older and more cynical, edly imnre.ss. Frcncii string quanci. Musica V;•..; mocks their passionate idejils and the Ro- 846 4646. It was iherelorc a Iiule disappointing .manlic poetry lo which Ihcy are addicted. Christine Fitchew May 27 bui iwneath his crudeness and arrogance lies Ihtit the performance of this Irish play, Vienna Under the S;ars al .Sj;:..:irp a genuine hatred of political tyranny. On the eeXCQlRL KNID decidedly lacked "Irishncss", Piazza Quecnsiand P:iiiiiar:ni)nii: ediie of the circle is Byron's physician and Orchestra H44 >?')'•). unauthorised biographer, Dr PolidoH, a vain trne t)W/^Rps In part this was due to the non-specific May 28 and jealous Saiieri who haunts the party like Medici Concerts Four internalional llie Pandemonium'Itieaue Company (a.k.a. the props and costuming; but mostly Ihe a spiteful muttering spiri;. pianists at Cultural Centre .Auditorium. UnivcRity Dnmia Society) once again presented problem lay in the array of unconvinc­ Australian Chamber Orchestra. ,S46 A(\Ab a show-case of sludeni talent with ils recent pro- ing accents which detracted from the Until .May 2K This is frankly not a play for everyone. You duaion of two plays. Ikals^irl and Tlic Dwarfs.sens e of atmosphere. need at least a vague interest in these young Don't Drtss For Dinner at Rialio idealists whose lofty aims actually did suc­ The first piay, written by Kathleen Tiieatre. 2231)444 or 252 5122, Aside from this, "Dancing al Lughnasa" ceed to some extenl, ailhough the reality ol Williamson, wus an exploration of view­ Until May 2K their lives was tragic and self-destructive. On points of female sexuality. Williamson put was .a well-directed, well-acted and Low Romeo and Juliet for the 'yo.s al one level, the play asks atoul the "price" of together a collage of quotes from her fa­ highly enjoyable piece of theatre. L:iBoiie,Ph:.¥i'>1622. poetry: could these writers have achieved what vourite authors and films lo create a len.sely Unlil May 2S they did, profoundly affecting the develop­ argumentative saipl. The dialogue revolved Written by Irish dramatist Brian l-riel, Bloody Poetrj al Metro Ans 857 81112 around two main characters. Suzi (Nicole ment of their society over the next 170 yejirs it examines a period of greal change in Unlil May 24 Ga.staldin) and l.orlcnc (Nicole Dyer). and counting, without causing themselves and the lives of five Irish si.sters during the Mooiichildt^n at Hamilton Town Halll These two characters have sharply oppos­ Qpokings: Ticketworld or 131 931. others .so much suffering? It is tough mate­ 1936 pagan festival of Lughnasa, rial, and The Edge fields a fine cast to bring it ing ideas about how to live their lives. Suzi June 9-16 to life. is a Women for the Inclusion of Sexual Ex­ The Family at Cremorne Theatre pression, while Lorlenc is a Sislet Against Michael, the illegitimate son of one of Queensland llicatre Company Ph:846 4646. Sexual Slavery. Their conversatiqti encap­ the women, narrates the play which Lisa Hickey is the ethereal yet menacing ghost June 13-19. sulated some of the major debates wilhin deals positively with issues of religion, of Shelley's wife Hanict, taunting the poet witlj Out ofthe Box Festival for children feminism today. Gaslaldin and Dyer gave culture, identity, human endurance and Ph;846 4646 "pretty, pretty" in response to his shining im­ superb perfomiances, at moments you could the resilience of the human .spirit. Each June 18-25 ages of reform, Rebecca Riggs' astonishingly cut the tension with a knife. j versatile and beautiful voice is a great asset as of the five down-to-earth sisters was Alice: Memories of Childhood at Suncorp she charts the course of Mary (Godwin) Tbe Dwarfs by Harold Pinter was k disturb­ warmly portrayed; their personalities Theatre. Queensland Ballet 221 5177 June 23-28. Shelley's emotions, from heroic courage to ing play, with occasional comic moments drawing empathy and audience support. enduring despair. Carita Famir'i Claire is heart supplied by the lead actor, Jean-Marc Russ. ! Forgct-Me Not Magician at Lyric Theatre His character, Len, is one card sfiort of a Ph:846 4646. rcnd'uig in her childish inf aluatiosn with Byron, j^though "Dancing at Lughnasa" was and Sandro Colarclli conveys ^th integrity the deck to put it politely. His friendsi(I?(imien Jun6 26.;" far more intense with fewer laughs lhan complex moods of that iotrfguing sclf-_, Cassidy) and Jk'lark (Nigel Fcam^'^omc- A One Ni^t Stand with Clive James at ' rabs Queensland Theatre Company pro­ Concert Hall. Ph:846 464 ^ylhologiser. NfertinOdger,'last seen clbwn- times huniotjrliittt^sdmetimes lectiirc him, .. orgct Mc Not Magician al Lyric Theatre l around as Touchstone in As You Like it, is but are always wiiyiof him. Len's observa­ ductions, its entertainmctlt value was Ph:846 4646. ily recognisable as he now portrays the bi- tions drift froia'^ihe sublime to the ridicu- equal to the usual standardof excellence. June 26 ilit mix of strength and weakness in Shelley, lous, and backagiin, but he had the audi­ > /XW. Chief ^' an eager, bewildered, vulnerable, well-mean­ ence riveted for the duration of the piay. ing but callous, brilliant but dcximcd young All the actors in Ihese two plays gave great man. Only the part of Polidori is not fully real­ perfonnances. It isa real aedit to tlie Univer­ ised, though the staging of his final scene is sity Drama Sodety tliat it is not infested with quirky arid challenging, pretentious Eistcdfoid actois who put on a Bril- ishaccenl at cvcty opporuinity. \\t can all look Nol too surprisingly, the play is sometimes forward to their next theatrical ofTering, wordy, and lhe energy of this production is Larina Alick not always sustained, but the characters live on in the imagination long after the lights go down. CD'S

Elvis Costello Tim Mortimer's drastically improved Morrissey Don't You Find Out For Yourself he vocals propel the industrial hum of brushes it off by sighing 'That's just Brutal Youtli the operiing Automation, which is Vauxhall & I the way it goes...". In the same song (Warner) screaming out for heavy rotation on he takes a none-too-subtle dig at (Parlophone/EMI) Smiths biographer Johnny Regan There's been a lot of misleading talk JJJ. Nothing You Need and the It used to be that when defending -"Don't rake up my mistakes/I know about EC's new albumbeing a "return bouncy Non-Stop Action {which I the worth of a new Morrissey exactly what they are" - following to form". Certainly the record sees a have heard on JJJ) are equally release to a non-believer, you had this up almost apologetically in return ofthe stripped-back sound of strong, while the EP closes with the to go into a rant about how brilliantly Speedway - "All of the rumours the artist's first few albums with the moody 7-minute epic, Collider. crucial The Smiths were and that keeping me grounded/I never said Attractions (all of whom are back in For a paltry 10 beans you get around the work of Moz had therefore to be that they were complelely un­ his band) bul that doesn't mean 30 minutes (that's better value than viewed in some sort of mythological founded", and later, "When you, try Costello was only ever relevant in his a Lemonheads record kids!) of some context, even though you secretly to break my spirit, it won't work/Be­ brash early days. He's been consist­ of the most exciting sounds being cause there's nothing left to break". ently tuneful and brutal over the harboured your own concerns that, produced in Australia at the moment. OK so maybe for the grunge ca­ course of 15 odd albums, whether somewhere along the way, he really Like a lot of Brisbane bands, if the dets who remain unconvinced of dallying in pop, country, classical, had lost the plot. Mandelbrots hailed from Sydney or Morrissey's relevance, such melo- psych£«JlBlia, new wave or TV sound­ Melbourne they would probably be Vauxhall & I however, is the first dramatics may not be your cup of tracks. It's all a game to a performer huge. They desen/e to be. Moz album tc genuinely stand up beer, but the second half ot Speed­ who writes songs as quickly as Liz on ils own merits, and while I'm not Brad Edwards way should stir something in the Taylor changes spouses: if current going to fall into the easy trap of loins of even the most fervent Moz trends favour raw production, then saying it's better than The Queen detractor - a crescendo of guitars he'll play that way just to get his cur­ is Dead, it is every bit as majestic, and hammering drums which, when rent outpourings in front of an audi­ as powerfully miserable and as it all crashes to a thumping halt, will ence. So it's more or less your typi- downright fuggin' ace as the very leave you staggered as to how great C£d EC album: a catchy single about best of that other band. In fact, pop music really can be. It's defi­ love aixi damnation in "13 Steps Lead Vauxhall's closer, the revelatory nitely going to change some minds Down"; an even cathcier take on Speedway, is the hairspray on the about Morrissey Buddy Holly's "Everyday "in This Is quiff of Stephen Patrick's career - Hell"; a nod back to the King of his finest moment, Smiths or sans- And there's the point. For Vauxhall, America days on "London's Brilliant Smilhs. uhlike his previous efforts, relies on Parade". Love goes in hand with bit­ no preconceptions - you need An album without a dud track has terness, clever turn of phrase jostles never have known that The Smiths long been the fanciful dream of with clever tum of phrase, and the were one of the greatest bands of many a patient Moz fan, and, here sweeter the tune, the nastier the sen­ lhe 80s. What you've got here is it is. Remember the goosebumps timents. The release of a new EC one of the most skilfully crafted PowderMonkeys you got the first time you heard record isn't an event any more: it's slices of English pop you'll ever hear There is a Light That N&/er Goes simply one of the necessary, recur­ Smash on a knee - a masterpiece. The album of the Ouf? There's 11 tracks here, all ot ring joys of life that help make the The Powder Monkeys hail from Vic­ nineties, until his next one. whole horrid business worthwhile. toria and they play loud, dirty which match that song's gloomy Brad Edwards grungoid rock music with some grandeur, a couple even top it. When Morrissey growls "There's heavy blues influences. gonna be some trouble..." at the They have long hair, they drink lots beginning of the opening song Now of beer and I don't think that they My Heart is Full, you just know this like their instruments, because they is going to be a very special album. beat the shit out of them (at least, that's what it sounds like). The lazy, farting delivery on his past few records belies the fact that Moz They sing songs about life, love and possesses one of the best voices people that they hate. They wear around, and after hearing his flannies. The vocalist has a throaty hushed whisper on Lifeguard growl. Bits of the album are remi­ Sleeping, Girl Drowning, you'll kick niscent of Led Zeppelin, Iron yourself for forgetting. Springheeled Maiden and GBH. They're not very Jim with its menacing grind, gives The Mandelbrot original. But they sound good. way to the rockabilly stomp of Billy Behind the more blatant influences, Bud (rumoured to feature an SetSelf-titled E.P. their thrashing atonal energy, raw, uncredited Johnny Msur - sounds (rooArt) back-to-basics song structure, more like a Marr impersonation), The Affected pounding groove and great melo­ while more subdued tracks like The After a year of squabbling with record dies make the Powder Monkeys ti4ore You Ignore Me, The Closer I Fate compsmles and stumbling through worth listening to. Gei, Hold On To Your Friends and I The Affected coma from Melbourne, live ^ows trying to fine tune their new Am Hated For Loving glisten with and it shows. In addition, they ex­ electronic direction, il's amazing this Stefan Flanigan Morrissey's world weary, emotion- hibit a preference for American EP was released at all. seeped vocals and some sympa­ music, guitar solos, and falsetto TTie foltow-up to the aiminally ignored thetic guitar work from Boz Boorer voices. I feel these people should A Place Ca/fed Kansas', Adelaide's and Alain Whyte. take a more interactionalist ap­ Mandelbrot Set haveditched their jangly Morrissey's acerbic lyrics are al­ proach to their music. Actually they guitar wall-of-fuzz, adopting sequencers ways a highlight, but on a couple of are fairly ok, apart from their singer and layers of keytxiardstoCTeateavery tracks, they seem to suggest some who has listened to far too much warm, English feel on this one. Guitars kind of uneasy contentment. He's junky commercial pop . The whole are stil the'e, but play second, er, fiddle still pissed off, but seems to have time I was listening to them, I was to Techruque- era New Order rhythms accepted the pathetic inevitability of uncertain as to whether they were (I'm sony, 1 ^§ delermined not to men­ it all. After berating those who have being real, or doing a too-close-to- tion New Order, but the influence is too manipulated his career and the-truth pisstake of said junky obvfousto ignore. Iwasntgdngtomen- 'stabbed him in the back' In Why commercial pop. tkxi Rde either). 54 CD Rental Industry Don't you hate it when you fork ou! CD'S $30 for a new CD only to discove- that once you've had a listen that it's a dud? Don't you wish you could TheGah to Floyd's past including Roger have had a listen first and then de­ Water's acrimonious exit from the cided whether to buy it or not? Well band in 1983. Gift |, ': if the attempted closure of CD rental The album's cover notes say that Apart from the obvious title there are • »• libraries by record companies suc­ the Gab are Jazz's first power trio, several tracks which deal witli break­ •'1 '^ ^?iii 1?S, i ceeds, then it seems that music lis­ comparable to rock power trios such downs in communication, In lhe second- teners will once again be confronted as Jimi's Experience and Cream. last rack Lost For Words, appropriately by this scenario. Their sound is described as pos­ accompanied by a picture of old boxing There have been a few CD libraries sessing an ".... Iggy-style raw gloves in the liner notes, Gilmour takes that have emerged over the last few power, but in a looser, more dy­ an explicit jibe at Waters; years. These libraries cater for a large namic pair of sweaty work pants," So I open my door to my enemies variety of tastes and styles. The whole point of CD rental library is for the Sounds impressive, doesn't it? And I ask could we wipe the slate customer to rent out a CD to decide clean The music is difficult to describe, at The Charlatans Up whether it lived up to their expecla- best. Imagine, ifyou will, a collabo­ But they tell me to please go fuck To Our Hips/ Shock tions and is worth purchasing, or as ration of styles. Imagine the incor­ myself Disc Pro call it, Try before you buy". poration of rock music's drive and The Chariatans enjoyed their 15 min­ energy into jazz music's style and You know you just can't win utes of fame some time back with the Ever since these CD libraries have flow, add a touch of punk music's The departure ot Waters is not the Some Frienc//y album which featured emerged, the major record compa­ looseness and disregard for con­ only crisis given album time; the the brilliant single The Only One I nies have been pressuring the fed­ vention, and the hybrid result re­ breakdown of Floyd's original lead- Know. Between then and now they eral government to close the indus­ minds one of a four hundred kilo man and creative genius, Syd released the stunning Weirdo, got try down. The record companies butterfly - erratic, but with the kind Barrett, is the implied subject of mercilessly flogged by unforgiving claim that the CD rental industry is of inertia that topples buildings. Poles Apart, a track which needs critics for their Between 10th & 11th a cop-out and is unfair to both the several listens to be fully appreci­ LP, and endured line-up changes, artist and the companies. They also The combination of a sometimes ated. The beginning of the second nervous breakdowns and a stint in the believe that the majority of CD rental solid, sometimes abstract drum verse "Hey you..." is an obvious ref­ pen by.keyboardist Rob Collins. customers merely tape the CDs style, a drivlng/brooding/groovy erence to the song of that title on The they rent and therefore, don't have bass, and a sax, with it's range and The Charlatans could have gone any­ WaW which dealt with the alienation to buy the onginal CD. expression results in music which where or nowhere with their next move. of Ban-ett (and also Waters). These is complex, challenging and a bit With Manchester a delightftjily trippy Of course, there are some custom­ lyrical references are often accom­ avant-garde, but if you can get into memoty, Up To Our Hips (described ers who merely tape CDs to save the panied by well-known Floyd sound it, it sounds real good. as the easy third album*) dispels any additional $25 of buying them (which effects such as the "barking dog" doubts that the Charlatans had little to is not such a bad idea considering guitar from Animals on the superb offer in the post-baggy order. the unreasonable and ever increas­ Keep Talking, and the marching Using ambient producer Steve ing prices of CDs). However, the drums of Bring The Boys Back Hillage (The Orb), Up To Our Hips majority of customers actually do lis­ Home (from The Wall) and the toll­ is a remarkably mature sounding ten to the CD and then buy it later on. ing bell on the evocative High Hopes. record (in the best possible sense), It is not as if the CD libraries have been Rick Wright's solo piece Wearing The with the Charlatans opting for difficult concerning lost royalties to the Inside Ouf is one of the highlights of a straightforward song structures artist. They offered lhe Federal Gov­ solid album. With its relaxed tempo and which although disappointing in ernment the opportunity to introduce sliding organ harmonies it provides a their lack of adventurousness, a clause which allowed members of nice contrast to some of the more up­ make for their most consistent and the Australian Record Rental Associa­ beat Gilmour offerings, and Floyd fans accessible album yet. tion to pay royalties lo record compa­ will love the return of Wright as a vocal­ Jesus Hairdo and Inside-Looking nies. This would have resulted in at ist. The album doe shave ils weaker, Out stand out as the most solid least $2 million in royalties for both the Pink Floyd more "poppy" tracks including Take It tracks, sporting Inspiral Carpets-like record companies and artists. When Back, and it's well-sung lyrics, while organ sw/ells and polished vocals by you consider that not all CDs rented The Division Bell interesting and sometimes intellectual, Tim Burgess. The Charlatans sadly would have been bought in the first generally lack the raw, emotive intro­ place, this is not such a bad deal. The Division Bel!, like 1987's A don't seem to take off the handbrake spection and biting analysis of Roger Monetary Lapse Of Reason, is a for the rest of the album, with tracks However, it appears the large multi­ Water's Floyd lyrics. Thankflilly there product of a Pink Floyd sans Roger like Come in Number 21 and the sin­ national record companies have are tfjo instrumentals by Wright and Waters, the creative mainstay of gle Can't Get Out of Bed, likeable pressured the Federal Government Gilmour which feature the traditional their legendary I970's albums. Un­ enough but seemingly underdone. into the closure of the CD rental in­ Floyd combination of ethereal organ like Momentary Lapse which was dustry. Mr Stephen Havass, owner and shimmering guitar plus a panoply By no means a singles-album, Up basically a David Gilmour album and manager of Disco Pro, said the of sound-effects. The one regret Floyd To Our Hips doesn't immediately The Division Bell sees the return rental industry had been pushed fans will have regarding these is that grab the listener but is nonetheless of Rick Wright, who writes one track aside because ofthe pressure from one was not developed into an epic a strong ouiing, if at times a little solo and another four with Gilmour the U.S. government. He said the track along the lines of Echosor Shine too comfortable. thus lending the album not only U.S. government had threatened On You Crazy Diaixmd. some classic Floyd sound but also Brad Edwards not to agree lo a deal on agricul­ some much needed credibility as a The Division Bells not a vintage ture in GATT unless lhe CD rental Tink Floyd" album. Floyd album of the likes of The Dark industry was shut down. Side Of The Moon or Animals. It Where as Momentary Lapse by It is a pity that a local industry, which is not as hard-edged as it could and large ignored (or repressed) the provided an alternative to "playing feud between Gilmour and Waters have been; the music and lyrics on the game" ofthe major record com­ over the legitimacy of a Water-less e whole lack the structured Inten­ panies (i.e. spending $30 without Floyd The Division Bell confronts sity of Floyd's best. Yet in spite of knowing what you're buying), has the issue; much of the album is a this - perhaps because of this - its to close down. At the present time cathartic outpouring which, despite consistently satisfying 66 minutes the CD rental industry is still lobby­ its nostalgia and obligatory Floydian will appeal to more than Pink Floyd ing the Federal Government to im­ melancholy functions as an affirma­ zealots alone. plement the clause, tion of the Water-less Floyd. It brims Mark Ludlow with musical and lyrical references 55 •wr,' • ,-X:; •^i'i;". IN THE "" ' " u,to/;.».ft',•••*•.-'•<•;•',;! • •

•'. •; •iiO:

Paddington Is an evil place. A to have warning ciaxtons and Davo iare Just prejudiced ,' if/'' *';•' beaiitifjul aiiburli Infested by blarring in Davo's and Mick's against|any|^|jr^fthat's out 2.:. , f ' ' of the brdjnairp?'>:; •; .v:P • yuppies, blighted by their coffee ears^ Dougy seems oblivious C'.ri,;•-'•.",•. shops and plagued forever by to anything wrong. MICK: Tliat'^myttrue.^Vfe're v ; Cafe No^ne, God's sense of Dougy has also just frightened of anything Irony Is undiminished by omnI* brought along a couple of we don't have the Intellect ' > ;• presence and Infinite conscious­ friends from his meditation to understand.;'^'';; "••]"_:\: ;• r^:;. ness - he created a suburb with class, Swami Daddo R^neesi [Davo giggles]..';- ;;'•;&'"•'-'•'" inhererit character, then popu­ and Rhingstar ignu (formerly DAVO: [to Dougy] Vou know Vi!^; • v lated It with yuppies. Rhllng^r Ignu when he was these guysdon't drinK? it's Sv ;v What pub could not fail to in advertising, formerly Eric against ;;theirbellefs.'v.; '^l-^-i^}: loolc good against this hideous the plumber). Dougy Invited D0UGy:^lt'8r|]^Ml|^le you :;^,| J; urban backdrop? them beci|iise he thought it twoknowtlifBt'triiis'waytoen- :'\^^:0':^Jy'Hy 'mis pub. The Paddo Tavern. would be agood Idea andtliey lightenmwfc|l;Sg-^;^.;'i;. •.'^-egi-'^'': • VTho Tavern is sympto* would 1^ fun to hays a I^r, SWAMI: [groggiiy rMn^to io- 'll^g i^ matic of the disease yuppiedom. with, it Isan UDrfounded tus.posililbn]. 'VVIiat,:iiap- ''0M^^^'^- H Is pretentious; It serves beer mour that Dougy adylsmlJoiMi Dened?%'«-':'*'j4^. '^i^'v",' -^l-^'Si^i^'^^-i not In the ^Klonal squat, ugly Hewson In the iast:ele|c|ion DAVO: .^Vbu'be«une one with v^->'^?-;%'• ^^ppt glasses but In /these funny that the GST would be a^'real .tfae#ar%'in'aJblgway.'::" -^t^M^m}:-. Uln glasses tliat for chlssakes, voter?'¥^ cism yet)f it has a COUNTRY AND MICK: He Eivilcic^infl|(»tes;the --•r.-~^,. .•..p-JI^9^^JI!'f}^^ of the WESTERN theme. prostrate form of thfa recently P«Mo livero^ji'i|icredlble. '"'•i^-^^!0':' Hello? Did everyone get conscious Swamll told me the •Jti^j^:ti^^0ii&i0^^n^ an that last bit all right? If you're way to enlightenme|t.;lt'j» to iuwleru^||tz<^j|||^^ still sitting there and no alarm tiecome one with the!(»artil, by nearly ^^on't Is eiitra poten|t^ the bottle is ruses Davo, Dougy and Mick have yoii oyer feel like that?; v'! v^ easily' graspaliji^ and the entered the Paddo Innocently. A DAVO: [eyeing IgnU] Con-^ beiBr KiBelf very pleasant.

• •.,••,•; • • .. »•.'. JV,;i'r,-:..i-;".'. glance at the decor was enough ;*.•• 4jugsoutof 5.i

'•'- •.":;;- "'• f.'i't •:.,' "•i-:i ';-'•••'•••.'-• .svl'ilf*.'•• • ,'M': :V •.if„i-f;a-'; 1-^''' ••...• ..- •:. .',•^^<«^•*•;>-^.-••.•-<>•/•v•ro..•<•;••^-,'

•,-^ I •; ••.'%••.>.;!,'>•'• V/f^iJ ,;;. -V;';-. -

;.*

. "!; .-•'•t-'ri'M- •' • ••c'-.*;;vf.' ••• • • •.Hi-t.-/.-'-.- v.-^r." •"ir*** •'-•**,• ",' ; v;-;','';js*:-As'{^r«';*. ,iU .^iir. \,- -•',-.'l,VJ;.- •'. • t'-!*',!'' •••*•' ' • ''AS' ;•

.•• *•' ,'.v '. >y.:

."vcz/f-^i •••: :''V;'v,.'1 ,•; •.x.'i>;'-rft'.'.-.^

•,>^;^^.-^.: ••\.'

1.,' "V^'t. '•

:rTJ>iSr,'ii-.v-»t'V:W''-(*'i' i- In the fine tradition ofthe Where's Wally? books, the Broncos proudly display their latest marketing venture.. The "Where's Wendel?" Spons Page. Semper can exclusively reveal these sneak preview shotsfrpm the upcoming series...

spomRecently our Great Court was honoured by a host of .sporting celebrilics compet­ ing for the honour of their various codes in the traditional Great Court liace, A gruelling 636m of sizzling sand.stone stretched out before our sporting heroes a.s they prepared lo hurtle down the track. But who gives a feral fig? Sludenls actually had a bil of a waddle too, and they were good, damn good! u Q Z

These three fearles.s women slayed the Women's final Vivian Pott from Arts won (I) the race with a time of 1.51.50, followed 1 second later by Margaret Hemsicy from Physio (Bet ya she was .spewin', hey!). Coming third wa.s the more reia.xed Livia Kelemen (Science) with a time of 1.59.16. Sporting heroes par excellence fiC I

In the Men's Final Ben Crabbe, an Economics student from that home of ativ leiic supermen and women Union College, won with a time of 1.29.75, ll jtisi goes to show thai College food musl ho good fov sou. somehow? ^•el aiAoihci Physio just mi.sscd oui in the form of Rob Symmons with a lime of Ll^.":? Tom Dover from Science came third with a 1.32.fi > nme.

AbsolutcshithotsportinglegcndsforAustraliawhatax

ILUIN CINEMA? BRISBRNES BEST MOUIE-MERL deal! .SCHONELL CLUB !EXC. HKSI K£l EASES) $8 ADULTS "yt $6 &PIZZflCflFFE '$20 A Year! FILMS $4 Off Adult Pizza $1.50 Off

.', "94 ACADEMY AWARD JULIETTE BINOCHE IN 1' NOMINATION THREE COLOURS J^ "BEST FOREIGN FILM"

WlNNES CAMERA D'OH '^ C •93 CANNES FILM FESTIVAL / B L U E "ALliXURl.ANT, A FILM BV KRZYSZTOF BEAUTIFL'L FILM CAPilNES 1993 .ihuiil ;i losi X'tolraill" ^exual IntriguesI "SERENE, SHIMMERING Dangerous Liasionsl .("rcati-'> iiUMiiL's i>l I'Miiiisili.' nuhdicNS ...liriiiij.' ihc vicucr's sciiM-'s inlo it (Iclic.iic rapture" y \.:1, -.... t',!t ,>..,;t\. "ENCHANTING...a pri'ciotis jewel"

"EXQLISITELY SENSUOUS" ».,,,... ^'n..,-. ;iif sir, '^

THE SCENT QF THE GREEN REMEDIES PAPAYA .H».4.!INBJ«. A tUM e^ TRAft ANH ttUNC; /a\ \

VniM CR! INAVVAY's (COOK, IHIEF... PKOSl'CRO'S TRAN AKH HUNC's Vielnamese Award winning I'ilm, is exquisitely beautiful, se; in ihe'Saigon oi the 5Q's and I30( )KS), new lilni.ihnul a Vteclit^'.il miMcIo Pl.iy, sMgi'd iEmilc Zolns novo! ol life in n frcnch mining l)V a proviiHidl Italian company in Ihe IdSO's. The iilm imunity.is brcught df^iiti.itically to Ihc screen faO's. He has made an amazing; work of art in this louching bt'ttimi'.s a tonfliil hL-Kvi'L-n a Vifflin .Vlothcrs hfaitlilul by Clfiudp"Berri. sl.ir.irig Gcr.ird Dcp.nrdicu, story of a young girl who works in a prosperous home and is redeemed from servitude by love and her joy in Ntak' Cbild. with exlraoidiiuHy powers and Ihe arbiters THE STORY OF the natural world. Never has a film come so close to heing oi Miiaek'S - lhe Church. A^ain Cieonawav overwhelms a work of Art. ll reflects ihc work of Japanese master Ozu. the viewer with his usual stunning sets

OIKlwMit

ROBERT ALTMAN'SI

.SIIIkliYMAcLAlNE NICOlASCAGI GUA_RDiN_G TESS A PASSIOS'ATE SECRET SEXUAI ADVINIURE. J\ SL.MPIIOI;5 ExpioRATio.s Ol THI ACT OF LOVE. A niiii In KiK'lnnil Ki'i!)n<.tli Al.\tt)IH)\'.-\K •• ll^^t nlms uill iiave .^ sepaiale ^n(.\ ROELA.ND kl.RBOSCH's film. A slrikinji firsi lo dt-al wilh (jver1,ip))n\i; MMMII'. I AB^KI^!•! I i^ a loiki". oai ei' Mrc e The lover a boy's homosexii,.! .nvakeninj;, Tho relalionships (jeopled .n lUuy. lakers, di.ii; qJl'.•n^ poj) slars lerri)ii>Is between him .md a sokliei leaves ihe audience with a O.IHI SV\ n;an:ai ^. DAKK 1IA13ITS I-, a ^ini^t" hides oul in a yS^MM tK till \mu H> MVRCUIftlU UIR\\ biltersweel residue of reiiiembrance, thai is hard lo erase. It is a sentimental, gay coniioiioi agf story fr.imed ihrouf^h (.iMMi'l I >' fiiiMilric Nuns, one^ .; 'unkfc. uhd \\i.ie> VV' (iisi«i{t(ota«D(jiisiitUBstort« sou pi""" i'l'''l.. \\.>'- h^ firsI UMUire M'. du'ii-g llu' ('•. nk the memory ol Choreoiirapher ijernen Krabbe; and Ihe eia. .'ar.'iiiD Ntaura eMr.n Is u'MT.j'.e ur, a n;p. i'v liberation of the vilkig^-rs ,ind liiir.sell by tne conquering jarraviiai;-, lu^ lirrid uite v'.'ii. ibecome;. s<'\ s;a\(^ o\ a U.S. rorces. ''Touching, pcrreplive evocation of ,m innocent love affair. DL rCI-l Sublilleo. •\'^>^>M^'<<'^-'-^^y'' SEASON OPENS |UNt SEASON OPENS JUNE. AJmi'^'vKin $(>•'!•• h' hit' ^'t/'v't) Sirens _ Admission S(vB/l U Tue S-t/Vt). UNIVERSITY GROUNDS «JTlUgA • AIR CONDITIONED •FREE CAR PARK 59