Virtue Ethics: an Ethical Development Program for High School Youth

VIRTUE ETHICS: AN ETHICAL DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM FOR HIGH SCHOOL YOUTH

A Tapestry of Faith Program for Youth

BY JESSICA YORK

JUDITH A. FREDIANI, DEVELOPMENTAL EDITOR

This program and additional resources are available on the UUA.org web site at www.uua.org/re/tapestry.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS Jessica York is the director of the Faith Development office of the Unitarian Universalist Association. A native of Birmingham, Alabama, she previously served the Unitarian Universalist Church of Birmingham as director of religious education for several years before joining UUA staff as the Youth Programs Director in 2007. She is an Our Whole Lives Sexuality Education trainer for the elementary level and has taught in public elementary schools with a focus on special needs and hearing impaired children. A former theater stage manager, Jessica has owned and consulted to programs providing theater arts education for children. She holds a B.A. in biology from Yale University and has done graduate work in fine arts at Tulane University. Her other Tapestry of Faith programs include Creating Home (co-author) and Signs of Our Faith.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

WORKSHOP 1: DECISION MAKING ...... 11

WORKSHOP 2: MODERATION ...... 24

WORKSHOP 3: INTEGRITY ...... 36

WORKSHOP 4: RESPECT ...... 49

WORKSHOP 5: FAIRNESS ...... 59

WORKSHOP 6: RESPONSIBILITY ...... 71

WORKSHOP 7: COMPASSION ...... 84

WORKSHOP 8: HUMILITY ...... 98

WORKSHOP 9: GENEROSITY ...... 111

WORKSHOP 10: COURAGE ...... 129

WORKSHOP 11: FORGIVENESS ...... 139

WORKSHOP 12: LOYALTY ...... 154

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THE PROGRAM LEADERS Live a good life. If there are gods and they are No particular background is needed to lead Virtue just, then they will not care how devout you have Ethics. Leaders should bring an open mind and an open been, but will welcome you based on the virtues heart. They should be ready to support youth to decide you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, for themselves if and how they wish to practice virtues in then you should not want to worship them. If their lives. there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the Look for leaders who are flexible and can stay calm and memories of your loved ones. — Marcus non-judgmental when youth share from personal Aurelius experience. Leaders should understand their role as mandated reporters (see Before You Start). If the youth We make hundreds of decisions every day. Some are have had previous, positive experiences with a leader, small. Some are life changing, although we may not that is a plus. know their significance when we make them. This program's premise—in the words of the Buddha, recited Youth Leadership in every workshop Opening—is that "our thoughts and Because these workshops follow a standard template, it actions become habits and our habits shape our would be possible for youth to co-lead this program with character." We have some control over our character. adults. You could begin the program without a youth co- We can shape the person we want to be by making leader, and after presenting a few workshops ask if intentional, thoughtful decisions. anyone would like to volunteer to assist in leading In Workshop 1, youth explore how we make decisions. activities. Adult leaders often have more time and Subsequent workshops each present a virtue commonly resources for preparation, so consider keeping those considered ethical. Participants question what they have responsibilities yourself. If you decide to explore been taught about each virtue, how the virtue operates additional virtues not included in these workshops, seek in the real world, and whether and how they might topic suggestions from youth. Invite anyone who practice it. In each workshop, the youth practice ethical suggests a topic to help you plan and lead the decision making in response to hypothetical situations workshop. and stories they share from their own experiences. PARTICIPANTS The virtues presented in this program were selected, from a large number one might cultivate, to provide a Virtue Ethics is designed for use with high school-age gateway into ethical decision making and character youth. All youth do not arrive at each developmental development. It is hoped that youth will use these virtues stage at the same time, yet knowing what to expect throughout their lives. overall from fourteen- to eighteen-year-olds can be helpful, especially for first-time leaders. In her book, GOALS Nurturing Children and Youth: A Developmental Guidebook (Boston: Unitarian Universalist Association, This program will: 2005), Tracey Hurd discusses typical developmental • Build capacity to identify messages received characteristics of older youth: from media, family, religion, peers, and society • practices increased cognitive skills about specific virtues, and to discern how to apply these virtues in real life • expresses growing interest in abstract values and moral principles • Demonstrate the healthy practice of virtues • engages in moral relativism • Explore personal experiences relevant to a variety of virtues • becomes less egocentric and more interested in the larger society • Engage group processing of a variety of ethical dilemmas • struggles with gender and sexual identities • Invite a grappling with ethical choices that pit • continues to develop ethnic or racial identity one virtue or belief against another deeply held • needs to belong and have a sense of self worth value • demonstrates empathy • Encourage participants to lead intentional, ethical lives. • conceptualizes religion as an outside authority that can be questioned 4

• questions faith, sometimes leading to deeper FAMILIES ownership of personal faith or disillusionment An adolescent’s notion of family expands to include their • deepens or attenuates religious or spiritual close friends, while the home family remains a identity touchstone. This curriculum is designed to include the • explores sexuality family and friends of participants as well as your wider faith community. Two features engage these important • navigates greater risks relating to alcohol, drug people in the program’s themes and ideas: use, and unsafe sexual activity 1. Each workshop provides a Taking It Home handout • sustains the personal fable that "it couldn't with ideas for youth to lead conversations and activities happen to me" with their friends and family. Collect the email addresses • considers friendships and peers important, with of participants’ parents/caregivers so you can send them some shifting of alliances. the Taking It Home section after each workshop. 2. Each workshop offers a Faith in Action activity. Most INTEGRATING ALL PARTICIPANTS of these engage congregational leaders and/or parents/caregivers to interact with the youth about the No one should be excluded from this program or its topics the youth are exploring. activities by real or perceived physical or other PROGRAM STRUCTURE limitations. Inclusiveness sometimes requires adaptation; you may need to modify an activity or use an After the first one, all workshops share the same basic alternate activity to fully include youth with a range of structure. Activities explore the meaning of a particular physical and cognitive abilities and learning styles. virtue and its "upside" and "downside," the virtue's role in participants' lives so far, hypothetical dilemmas, and Take note of activities that might pose difficulties for finally, ways the youth could incorporate the virtue into youth who are differently abled. All spaces, indoor and their actions and thus their character. If you wish to outdoor, need to be accessible to anyone who might be extend the program, you can use the workshop template in the group. Check the width of doorways and aisles, to explore additional virtues you find worthy. the height of tables, and the terrain of outdoor landscapes. When you will invite youth to write on Faith in Action is an important element in the Tapestry of posted newsprint, meet in small groups, gather around a Faith curriculum family. Some Faith in Action activities centering table, or otherwise move about the space, can be completed in one meeting or simply by extending make sure everyone can move as you are requesting, or the workshop time. Others are longer-term and/or need adapt the activity. Strategize how you will include youth dates and locations outside your regular meeting time with sight or hearing limitations when an activity relies and space. on these senses. Every workshop offers alternate activities. Use these to When possible, arrange volunteers to read aloud before replace a core activity, extend a workshop, or enhance a workshop and give them the written material in an extracurricular gathering such as a family retreat, advance. Allow youth the opportunity to pass on any multigenerational dinner, or youth group. roles that require reading. Be prepared to support young Each workshop provides: people who wish to read, but need assistance. Quote Find out about participants' medical conditions and allergies, particularly to food. Make sure all your youth Co-leaders may like to discuss the quote while preparing can eat the food you plan to use for an activity, or for a workshop. This can help you each feel grounded in change the food. the ideas and activities you will present and can also help co-leaders get "on the same page." The quotes Always be ready to do what is needed to keep the also appear in Taking It Home sections. workshops safe for any participant who needs assistance or accommodation to ask for and receive it. Introduction A helpful resource book is Sally Patton's Welcoming The Introduction gives an overview of the workshop's Children with Special Needs. The congregation's concepts. It will alert you to special preparation that is religious educator is another resource for making needed. workshops as accessible and inclusive as possible. Goals The Goals section provides general outcomes for the workshop. Review the goals to connect the workshop's 5

content and methodologies with the four strands of the on "Download Entire Program" or "Download Workshop" Tapestry of Faith religious education programs: faith you will have a user-friendly document on your computer development, Unitarian Universalists identity, spiritual to customize as you wish, using your own word development, and ethical development. processing program. Once you decide which activities and resources you will use, you can delete unneeded Learning Objectives material from your document, and then format and print The Learning Objectives section describes specific the materials you need. participant outcomes which workshop activities are Opening: Each Opening includes lighting the chalice designed to facilitate. They describe what a participant with a reading from the Dhammapada, a sacred will learn, become, or be able to do as a result of the Buddhist text, to reinforce the premise of this program: activity. We can thoughtfully decide the kind of person we wish Workshop-at-a-Glance to be. This table lists the core workshop activities, in the Activities: Four to six core activities are suggested for suggested order from the Opening through Closing, with each workshop. Each activity includes a materials list, time estimates to help you construct a 90-minute preparation steps, and a full description to guide you workshop. The table also shows a Faith in Action activity through conducting the activity. Many suggest optional and at least one alternate activity—however, the 90- variations. minute workshop does not include time for these. The sequence of activities has been carefully designed. Time Estimates You may certainly make any changes you like, but read the full workshop first to make sure your adjustments are Many variables inform the time required for an activity. logical and practical. Small teams can do some activities more rapidly than one large team, but you may then need more time for all Also, the activities of each workshop are arranged to mix the teams to re-gather and share with the large group. reflective and active engagement and to engage a Youth enthusiasm may lead you to continue an activity variety of skills and learning styles. Keep this balance in longer than planned. Youth disinterest may lead you to mind as you adjust the workshop to meet the group's move on more quickly than you expected. Watch the needs. time, and try to stay flexible. Note: Time estimates for Every workshop includes a core story. Many are true activities do not include leader planning and preparation. narratives about individuals who have practiced virtues Spiritual Preparation to live an intentionally ethical life. Each workshop offers a spiritual exercise for leaders Two core activities occur in all the workshops: that calls forth your life experiences and beliefs relevant 1. Dilemma. Youth consider hypothetical situations that to the virtue at hand. The Spiritual Preparation exercise call for ethical decision-making. is intended to help you provide the best possible learning experience for youth and the most rewarding 2. Practice. Youth reflect on and commit to choices to one possible for you. Taking time in the days before the nurture a virtue in their day-to-day lives. workshop to reflect on its content, and in the moments Faith in Action: Faith in Action activities suggest before the workshop to center yourself, will support and specific, practical ways for youth to realize and apply free you in your work with youth. their faith for the betterment of the world and their Workshop Plan communities. Faith in Action activities, like core and alternate activities, are presented in the curriculum with The Workshop Plan presents every core activity in required supplies and preparation steps. If your group detail, in the sequence shown by the Workshop-at-a- meets for longer than 90 minutes, you can easily Glance table. It also includes a Faith in Action activity, incorporate Faith in Action activities on a regular basis. Leader Reflection and Planning, Taking It Home, You may also substitute them for other activities, or use Alternate Activities, and Resources. them outside the program, perhaps as the basis of youth Downloading and Adapting the Curriculum group projects. If you are reading this program online, you can move as Try to include some form of Faith in Action. As the you wish among the workshop's elements: Opening, saying insists, actions do often speak louder than words, Closing, Activity 4, Faith in Action activity, Story text, etc. for both actor and observer. Each element occupies its own web page. You can click Closing: Each workshop closes with a quotation as the on "Print This Page" at any time—for example, if you chalice is extinguished. wish to print one page—for example, a single activity, or just the workshop's central story. However, if you click 6

Leader Reflection and Planning: Many religious are a crucial part of this program. Leaders should educators find it is helpful, at the end of their workshops, always be ready to make adjustments to support youth to spend a few minutes reviewing what they have done as they work through ethical decision-making. At times, and planning what they will do next. This segment of you may need to let go of a planned activity so the group each workshop offers prompts for discussion. can complete an important discussion. Your willingness to do so will build trust and group cohesion. The greatest Taking It Home: This section provides activities and gift you can give youth is your time. suggestions for involving family and friends in the ideas, themes, and projects of Virtue Ethics. They reinforce key Each workshop invites participants to pay attention to points from the workshop and offer activities, reflection the difference between how a virtue is commonly questions, and resources to extend learning at home. perceived and how it is really lived. Leaders should do Distribute this section as a participant handout as well this, too. Some virtues—such as humility and as an email message to parents/caregivers, to facilitate forgiveness—can have negative connotations. Others— conversation at home. such as fairness and courage—can be hard to absolutely define. It is important for leaders to provide a Alternate Activities: The format for alternate activities safe space for youth to honestly unpack their feelings is similar to that of core activities. You can substitute about virtues. Try to approach each virtue with an open these for core activities if you feel they better suit the mind and open heart and invite youth to do the same. group, or add them—possibly outside the regular workshop time. Alternate Activity 1 in Workshops 1-12, IMPLEMENTATION Real Life Challenges, invites youth to process ethical challenges of their own experience, whether or not these The curriculum design is modular. You can provide the relate to the featured virtue. If you have time, you might series of workshops in sequence or offer stand-alone incorporate this into your regular, core workshops. workshops. In the recurring activity, Practice, the youth create an anklet. You will want to revise or delete this Resources: Each workshop contains the stories, activity if you are doing only a few workshops. handouts, and any other resources you will need to lead the workshop activities. The full series includes twelve 90-minute workshops. There are also many wonderful alternate activities that Under "Story" you will find the full texts of the offer more depth and different approaches. If your workshop's central story and any additional stories. program meets more than twelve times, you can spread Under the heading "Handouts" you will find any material some of the workshops across multiple sessions and that needs to be printed and copied for all participants. use more of the alternate activities. You can also use the Virtue Ethics workshop template to plan new Under "Leader Resources" you will find all the additional workshops on any abstract concept. You might choose instructions, background sheets, and other resources another virtue. Or, choose a value (e.g., the work ethic), you will need to lead the activities—for example: role or a feeling (jealousy). Modify "Up Side, Down Side," play scenarios, a diagram to help you plan an activity, or "Two Sides to Every Virtue," or "Ideal vs, Reality" to help an illustration to show the group, which you may print as youth examine the concept. Then, find a story to share a hard copy or display on a computer as a PowerPoint and discuss that demonstrates the concept. Follow the slide. story with hypothetical situations relevant to youth Find Out More: Each workshop concludes with an ("Dilemmas"). Add "Real Life Challenges" and annotated selection of resources to further explore the "Practice," and you have a new workshop. topics. At the end of the Introduction, you will find feedback forms for leaders and participants. Asking youth to LEADER GUIDELINES submit feedback builds leadership skills. By giving your Allocate time to prepare for each workshop, including feedback, you directly influence faith development time to do the Spiritual Preparation exercise, perhaps resources for the entire Association. All feedback is read with your co-leader. Remember, this curriculum is and deeply appreciated. primarily about the young people. The Spiritual Preparation exercise guides you to process your own BEFORE YOU START feelings, so you will be ready and able to focus on the Read the curriculum before you begin the program, participants' needs. focusing especially on the materials lists. Take note of Adapt the workshops to fit the space and time available activities that require extra preparation, and plan ahead and your group's culture, interests, and range of learning so you will have the necessary materials in time. For styles. Plan tight—yet be ready to execute loosely. The example, you will need journals and materials to make real-life ethical dilemmas participants bring to the group anklets at the first workshop and throughout the 7

program. Several workshops suggest online resources; The Gift of Faith: Tending the Spiritual Lives of Children be sure to preview the websites and test Internet by Jeanne Harrison Nieuwejaar Second Edition (Boston: connections in advance. Skinner House Books, 2003) Decide whether the group needs extra meetings for Welcoming Children with Special Needs: A Guidebook additional activities or a long-term Faith in Action project. for Faith Communities by Sally Patton (Boston: Unitarian Before you set your calendar or commit to a project Universalist Association, 2004) outside the regular meeting time or location, obtain the Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from support of your congregational leadership and the Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv (Chapel Hill, youth’s families. NC: Algonquin Books, 2005) Making the Anklet Youth begin a braided anklet in Workshop 1 and add a bead to it in each subsequent workshop. Choose a braiding fiber, such as hemp, string, or embroidery floss. Choose beads for youth to decorate. Each anklet will use up to 12 beads. You can purchase cork beads online from KitKraft. Other options are large wooden or glass beads. Obtain decorating materials—for example, waterproof markers, acrylic paint—that will stick to the surface of the beads you plan to use. Plan how you will instruct participants to make the anklet (Workshop 1) and where you will store anklets-in- progress and extra materials between workshops. It is recommended that you give each youth a clipboard to work on their anklet for the duration of the program. You might ask someone with craft skills to help you choose materials and demonstrate at the first few workshops. Watch an instructional video online, such as How to Make a Simple Beaded Hemp Anklet on YouTube. The How To Make Jewelry website has a page on anklets, with several demonstration videos. Consider arranging for a computer with Internet access to show the youth these videos during Workshop 1. Mandated Reporting As a teacher, you may be required by law and/or your congregation’s policies to report information youth share that involves a youth hurting someone or being hurt, or any situation that could be construed as illegal or dangerous that involves youth. Ask your religious educator what is expected of you, including to whom you should report which kinds of information. The workshops guide you to state your role as a mandated reporter before inviting youth into personal sharing. RESOURCES Living Values Activities for Young Adults by Diane Tillman (Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc., 2000) Ethical Leadership: The Quest for Character, Civility, and Community by Walter Earl Fluker (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2009)

FACILITATOR FEEDBACK FORM We welcome your critique of this program, as well as your suggestions. Thank you for your feedback! Your input improves programs for all of our congregations. Please forward your feedback to: Faith Development Office Ministries and Faith Development Unitarian Universalist Association 24 Farnsworth Street Boston, MA 02210-1409 [email protected] Name of Program or Curriculum: Congregation: Number of Participants: Age range: Did you work with (a) co-facilitator(s)? Your name: Overall, what was your experience with this program?

What specifically did you find most helpful or useful about this program?

In what ways could this program be changed or improved (please be specific)?

Did you enrich the program with any resources that you would recommend to others?

What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your life going forward?

What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your congregation going forward?

PARTICIPANT FEEDBACK FORM We welcome your critique of this program, as well as your suggestions. Thank you for your feedback! Your input improves programs for all of our congregations. Please forward your feedback to: Faith Development Office Ministries and Faith Development Unitarian Universalist Association 24 Farnsworth Street Boston, MA 02210-1409 [email protected] Name of Program or Curriculum: Congregation or group: Your name: Overall, what was your experience with this program?

What specifically did you find most helpful or useful about this program?

In what ways could this program be changed or improved (please be specific)?

What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your life going forward?

What impact, if any, do you think this program will have on your congregation going forward?

WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

WORKSHOP 1: DECISION Activity Minutes MAKING Opening 25

INTRODUCTION Activity 1: Covenant 15

Every intersection in the road of life is an Activity 2: Story — The Debate Among Parts of 20 opportunity to make a decision. — Duke the Brain Ellington This first workshop lays the foundation for the program Activity 3: Practice 25 by demonstrating how we make decisions and how Faith in Action: Congregational Decisions ethical decision making can shape one's character for life. The workshop presents information on ethical Closing 5 theory. Yet this program is not about theories; rather, it is an opportunity to examine how living our Unitarian Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges Universalist faith calls us to make ethical decisions even though to do so is often difficult. In this and future Alternate Activity 2: Newsworthy? 30 workshops, participants work together to untangle Alternate Activity 3: The Charioteer 20 situations where conflicting ethical standards make it hard to discern the "right" decision. Alternate Activity 4: The Brain, Making 20 This workshop introduces anklet making and journaling Decisions as spiritual practices to assist in ethical decision making. The youth create a group covenant, a commitment SPIRITUAL PREPARATION particularly important because of the personal Welcome to Virtue Ethics! Because it is important to experiences participants may share. Make sure to post start as you mean to continue, set aside time for your the completed covenant where the group can refer to it own spiritual preparation. Decide if you will prepare throughout this program. alone or with co-facilitators... or both. Find a comfortable location where you can spend several minutes GOALS undisturbed. This workshop will: Practice a bit of creative visualization for the program: • Postulate that actions resulting from decision Imagine yourself leading the workshop activities with a making shape our character group of youth. Do you know any of the youth? Have your previous experiences with them been positive? If • Develop a covenant to create safe space for so, remember what that was like. If not, go ahead and sharing personal experiences remember the difficult interactions, too; avoiding thinking • Explain some of the science behind how we about these times will not make them go away. Now, make decisions. envision yourself sharing positive interactions with these youth. How will that happen? Are you more LEARNING OBJECTIVES knowledgeable about their ways, or more flexible in how you might respond? Have the youth matured or Participants will: changed? How will you relate to new youth, especially • Recognize how the ethics we use to make youth who are new to the congregation? How will you decisions help shape our character relate to parents and caregivers? As any other situations in our lives, you will have many decisions to make while • Understand a simplified scientific explanation for facilitating this program. Some of your decisions will not how the brain makes decisions work well. Acknowledge that, and forgive yourself in • Create a group covenant advance. Some of your decisions will be great! • Reflect on workshop concepts, through Feel how uplifting it can be to feel connected to a group journaling and jewelry making. of energized, inquisitive youth and adults. Carry that feeling forward as you start this new adventure. Blessings!

Remind them that this was just a snack—not a terribly OPENING (25 MINUTES) important decision. Materials for Activity Invite participants to sit in a comfortable position and, if • A basket, and a variety of snacks they choose, close their eyes, to share a meditation you will read aloud. Once youth are settled, share: • Newsprint, markers, and tape See yourself lying in your bed. At some point, • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- you decided to get out of bed. How did you operated candle choose to wake up? Did you set an alarm? Did a Preparation for Activity family member rouse you? Did you leave it up to chance, knowing you generally wake up in time? • Gather snacks for a basket—enough for each Did you leave it up to chance because you did participant to have a snack. Include several not feel compelled to get up at a particular time? types of fresh fruit, string cheese, carrot sticks, candy, and at least one item not frequently What other decisions did you make this thought of as a snack item, such as a fresh morning? Did you have to negotiate bathroom beets or cabbage. There should not be two of time with family members? How did you decide any one snack. Make sure you know of any food what to wear today? Are you wearing a favorite allergies in the group. top or bottom? Are you wearing simply what was clean? Did you plan your wardrobe last night or • Arrange the snacks in the basket. just grab something out of the drawer this • Write the chalice lighting words (below) on morning? newsprint, and set aside. These words will open Did you eat breakfast? If not, why? No time? Not every workshop, so consider laminating or hungry? Nothing you like in the cupboard? If you otherwise preserving them and finding a place did eat, did you have any of the same thoughts where you can post them for the duration of the when choosing breakfast as you did when program. choosing a snack? If not, why were the • Label a sheet of newsprint "Bicycle Rack" and decisions different: time of day, location, set aside. offerings? Description of Activity You came to our congregation today. Was that your decision? If so, why did you come? Did you Participants experience how and process how they have expectations? Are the expectations being make decisions; then, the workshop is formally opened. met? What do you think now about the choice As participants enter, greet them individually and invite you made to come here? everyone to take a snack from the basket for snack time. Think of all the decisions you have made since Once everyone is settled, say you will start the you work up this morning. Think of all the workshop shortly with a chalice lighting and reading, but decisions you make in a day. Each one is based first, you are curious about their snacks. Tell the youth on so many factors. How do we decide? What they are welcome to eat their snacks now, but first they do our decisions say about us? should explain what they were thinking when they Pause for a moment, then invite participants to open picked the snack they picked. In other words: How did their eyes. they decide what snack to pick? Now say it is time for Opening words and lighting the Answers will vary. Some youth might not have picked a chalice. Tell the group that each time you meet you will snack. Ask them why they made that decision. start by reciting together words attributed to the Buddha. After everyone has shared, acknowledge that many Post the chalice lighting words you have written on factors influenced their snack decision: hunger level, newsprint. Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while previous experience with the items in the basket, how you lead the group to recite these chalice lighting words: often they are allowed to enjoy certain snacks, a desire The thought manifests as the word to eat for health, a desire to eat for pleasure, how much The word manifests as the deed; mess the snack might make, letting their friend have the The deed develops into habit; only banana (for example), allergies and dietary And habit hardens into character; restrictions, etc... If no one picked the unusual snack So watch the thought and its ways with care, (beet, cabbage, etc... ), ask why. And let it spring from love Born out of concern for all beings... 12

As the shadow follows the body, We could also say some have a generous As we think, so we become. character and some are stingy or selfish. — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the Can you think of a time you intentionally decided Buddha to change your actions or deeds and develop a new habit? How did that habit influence your Tell the youth this program will be about making ethical character? [Take responses.] decisions. Invite definitions of "ethical." Offer this Now let's work backwards: If you believe the definition (from the Dictionary.com website): "pertaining Buddha's words are true and you want to to right and wrong in conduct." possess a strong, ethical character, what should Ask: we do about our habits? How should we act or perform deeds? What kinds of words and • When you have to make a decision, is the "right" thoughts should occupy our minds? decision always clear? This program will explore these questions. We • What are some reasons it is not always clear? will do this by discussing various virtues, [Answers may include: because what is right in character attributes that most people would one situation might not be right in another, you agree are consistent with a strong, ethical might not know the right thing to do, you might character. We will work to understand these need more information to make a good decision, virtues better, what they mean for us you have conflicting values (e.g., it would be individually, decide if we want them to be part of kind to help a friend on a test, but it would also our character and make intentional plans for be cheating), and different people might have living these virtues in our daily lives so they different ideas about what is right.] become habits. • Why is it important to make ethical decisions? To conclude the Opening, indicate the "Bicycle Rack" What does the chalice lighting reading suggest newsprint you have posted. Tell the youth that from time about the importance of making good to time, situations that require decision making will come decisions? [You may wish to call attention to key up in group discussions but there will not always be time phrases, for example, "the deed develops into to discuss them right away. Encourage the youth to help habit" or "As we think, so we become."] you "park" interesting dilemmas in the Bicycle Rack today and in future workshops. Say, in these words or your own: As the meditation showed us, we make ACTIVITY 1: COVENANT (15 thousands of decisions a day. Few of these MINUTES) decisions are life changing. Yet, even our smallest decision could have consequences Materials for Activity unforeseen. The quote from The Dhammapada • Newsprint, markers, and tape says our thoughts becomes words, words Preparation for Activity become deeds, deeds turn into habits, and our habits shape our character. Do you believe this • Ask your religious educator and/or youth advisor is true? for a standard covenant youth groups use in Think of young children. In the beginning, we all your congregation. If one exists, ask if you may think the world revolves around our needs and build on it with the youth in this group. desires. At some point, someone started to • If no covenant exists, have suggestions ready to teach us that we should share. We recognized help the group create one. Find suggestions by that other people have needs and desires, too. researching youth covenants online. You might Not only that, we witnessed that we could fulfill include: the needs and desires of others. At that point, we made an ethical decision. We decided that o Start and end on time. we would try to fulfill the needs of others or we Respect the space. decided we would not or maybe we decided that o sometimes we would, but only after our needs o Assume others' good will/best intentions. were met. Our decision manifested as a deed or Honor diversity of identity, opinion, and action and at some point, it became habit. o approach. Think about your peers. You know which ones you consider generous and which ones you o Keep personal sharing confidential. would never want to ask a favor. Some are in Share the floor; make space for the quieter the habit of helping others and some are not. o voices. 13

o Apologize if you make a mistake. adult in a position to help the situation. Safety is one need that trumps confidentiality. o Speak up if someone else's behavior breaks the covenant. ACTIVITY 2: STORY — THE DEBATE o Do not feel the need to "fix" anyone or AMONG THE PARTS OF THE BRAIN anything. (20 MINUTES) • Post blank newsprint. Materials for Activity • Optional: Copy existing covenant to distribute to • Story, "The Debate Amongst the Parts of the the youth. Brain" (included in this document) Description of Activity • Newsprint with chalice lighting words (Opening) Participants decide how they wish to be together. Preparation for Activity Explain that a covenant is a promise, an agreement as • Read the story so you can present it effectively. to how we will relate to each other. Ask if anyone can explain the purpose of creating a group covenant. Affirm • Make sure the chalice lighting words from the that it is important to build trust and safety in the space Opening are still posted. you share together. You might say: • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. Throughout the program, participants will share • Optional: Print drawings of the parts of the brain some of their personal dilemmas in making and use them as simple puppets while telling ethical decisions. We need to talk about what the story. The National Institute of Health can and cannot be shared outside the group, website has a diagram of brain parts. and how we will support each other in a discussion, even if we have differing opinions. Description of Activity If there is a pre-existing covenant, share it with Tell or read the story. participants. Does everyone agree with items on the Then, say: covenant? Is anything missing? The story illustrates what science calls the If you are starting from scratch, invite participants to "binding problem." How does our brain process suggest guidelines for how they will behave with each information and make decisions? We know that other during the program. Write all suggestions on it is not straightforward and sequential. For newsprint. When the group has no more suggestions, example, when you heard the invitation to propose any suggestions you and your co-leader wish to choose a snack, your brain leapt into action, add. with all of the parts from the story acting at once. Ask participants if they would have concerns about or We know this because scans of the brain show difficulty agreeing to any items listed. Discuss those how the neurons in each part of the brain fire items and decide as a group whether to keep, edit, or virtually at the same time—not one after the eliminate them. other. They are communicating from the first instant to make the decision. Some of the brain Pay particular attention to confidentiality. Youth will be parts help you make conscious decision. Some invited to share from their experiences facing ethical parts of the brain perform their jobs without you choices, and to make commitments toward future being aware of their contribution to your behavior. Sometimes this will be very personal and decision. Some of those decisions are based on private information. The youth may wish to covenant that past actions. they will not share others' personal stories outside the group. Or, they may decide it is okay to share what they For example, if you have frequently bitten into learned from hearing someone else's story without worms when eating peaches, neurons in parts of sharing names of the involved parties. Whatever is your brain will fire off repulsion to peaches, decided, remind participants that they may always ask which you will interpret as a conscious decision for complete confidentiality when sharing a personal to not take the peach. story. Here is another example: Have you have ever Let the group know that should someone disclose found money that did not belong to you? [Wait information about themselves or someone else being for a show of hands.] Sometimes, if you turn it harmed or harming others, or about the possibility of in, you receive a reward. The reward could be harm, you are required to report the information to an monetary, but it could also be someone's sincere appreciation or the pleasure you receive 14

from knowing you committed the actions of a Preparation for Activity good person. Your memory keeps these positive • Obtain a journal for each youth. experiences. Every time you return lost money and get a positive consequence, you are more • Read tips for planning the anklets in the Before likely to return money the next time you find it You Start section of the program Introduction. because that section of your brain that deals in Watch instructional videos: How to Make a memory will be more inclined to tell you to return Simple Beaded Hemp Anklet on YouTube, or the money because other parts of the brain want videos on the website, How To Make Jewelry. that good feeling again. Does this make sense? Optional: Arrange to show the videos to the youth. Lead a discussion with these questions: • Obtain the materials for making the anklets. • Is your understanding of the process of decision Each participant will need a clipboard to use for making different now than before the story? If the duration of the program, some string/hemp, so, how? and 12 beads to decorate. Cork beads are • Is someone willing to volunteer to try to imagine recommended. the processes your brain went through when • Gather bead-decorating materials—for example, you chose your snack? paints, brushes, and cups for water. Test the • Is the quote from the Buddha supported by what decorating materials on the beads you have we know about how the brain makes decisions? chosen to make sure decorations will adhere. [Indicate the chalice lighting words you have • Identify a place to keep journals and anklet- posted.] making materials between meetings. Decide Say: whether you will allow the youth to take journals home. There is still so much we do not understand about brain science. Scientists are trying to • Optional: If someone in your congregation answer the question: What makes us human makes jewelry as a hobby or profession, invite and different from other animals? One difference them to come to this workshop and help the is the size and nature of the cerebral cortex and youth begin making their anklets. many think that holds the answer. One idea Description of Activity postulated by scientists is that as humans came together in communities, we were forced to Participants receive journals, start building their anklets, communicate and cooperate and this grew our and become familiar with the recurring Practice activity. cortex. The larger our communities became, the Tell the group, in your own words: larger the cortex. This idea might have some validity since many of the animals with the The goal of spending time together discussing largest cortex (chimpanzees and elephants, for ethical decision making is to help us practice for example) live in larger communities. For many real life. Therefore, every workshop will include years, scientists have believed that tool making three elements: Some talk about real life ethical "made" us human. Some now think that living in issues, an activity to examine hypothetical community "made" us human: In other words, ethical dilemmas, and "Practice," a time for you we only became human in the presence of each to decide individually on the importance of the other. featured virtue in your life and plan how you wish to nurture this virtue in the future. During ACTIVITY 3: PRACTICE (25 the Practice activity, you will have time to MINUTES) capture your thoughts in personal journals. Distribute journals and writing implements. Continue: Materials for Activity • Journals and writing instruments Today, please write your name on your journal. We will start working in the journals next time. • For anklets: String or hemp, beads, waterproof What you write in your journal is yours alone to markers and/or other bead-decorating materials, know. You will have opportunities to share your scissors, and clipboards (one for each youth) thoughts with the group, for those who wish to • Optional: Computer with Internet access and a do so. Thoughts can be written, drawn, or large monitor or digital projector captured in any way you choose.

You will also be encouraged to express your Distribute Taking It Home. feelings about the featured virtue artistically. Every Practice activity will allow time to decorate FAITH IN ACTION: a bead. The beads will be strung together to CONGREGATIONAL DECISIONS make an anklet. The anklet will be made of waterproof material so it will be safe in the Materials for Activity shower or bath. You can wear your anklet as • Minutes from meetings of the congregation's long as you like and it will be a reminder to you governing board of your commitment to make ethical decisions. • Index cards of two different colors Today, you can decorate a name bead. Include Preparation for Activity your initials or name if you wish, but take a moment to decorate it uniquely to express • Obtain the minutes from several meetings of the something about who you are. After you have congregation's governing body. Highlight decorated the first bead, we will start building material pertaining to votes on actions the the base of the anklet. congregation will take. Make copies for the youth to share. If a guest will help the youth start their anklets, introduce the guest. If you are using an instructional video, show it • Obtain minutes from a recent meeting of the now. entire congregation, and make copies for the youth to share. Distribute beads and markers. Allow seven minutes to decorate the name bead, but if everyone finishes earlier, • Obtain a schedule of upcoming meetings of the distribute clipboards and hemp and guide the youth to governing body and/or the entire congregation, begin the anklets. and obtain agendas for these meetings. Make copies for the youth to share. As youth are ready, help them add the first bead and knot the hemp to hold the bead on. • Familiarize yourself with how your congregation decides on actions it will take. Watch the time. Leave a few minutes to collect the clipboards and anklets, and the journals if you plan to Description of Activity keep them between meetings, and to put away art Youth examine decisions made by the congregation's materials. governing body. CLOSING (5 MINUTES) Ask the youth if they know who makes decisions for the actions of the congregation. The answer is probably a Materials for Activity combination of congregational members and the • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- congregation's governing body. Discuss the following, operated candle adapted for the process, policies, and specific recent actions of your congregation, to make sure participants • Taking It Home (included in this document) understand how decisions are made: Preparation for Activity • Some decisions are made by the entire voting • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for congregation. These may include election of all participants. board members and committee chairs, the • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for budget, decisions about public witness a volunteer to read. statements, decisions related to a congregational building, and calling a new Description of Activity minister or other staff decisions. Who gets to Tell the group that in every workshop, you will ask a vote? [Members] How do you become a volunteer to read a quotation while another volunteer (or member? How many voting members are in the the entire group) extinguishes the chalice. congregation? Can non-members speak at congregational meetings? What other rules Have a volunteer read this quote from the novelist govern the congregational meeting? [May Richard Bach while another extinguishes the chalice: include how far in advance meetings must be All we see of someone at any moment is a announced, number of meetings required in a snapshot of their life, there in riches or poverty, year, etc... ] Who reports to the congregation at in joy or despair. Snapshots don't show the meetings? million decisions that led to that moment.

• Some decisions are made by the congregation's anklet successful? This activity happens in every governing body. What is that body's name [e.g., workshop. Make adjustments as soon as possible. Board of Trustees] and composition? How are Look at the next workshop and decide who will be its members chosen? Are there youth and/or responsible for which preparations. young adults on the governing body? What kind of decisions does this body make (versus the TAKING IT HOME full congregation)? Are their meetings open? Are the minutes from the meetings available to Every intersection in the road of life is an everyone? Who reports to this body? opportunity to make a decision. — Duke Ellington Ask if anyone has attended any congregational and/or board meeting recently. If so, what was it like? Can they IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we talked about decision remember any decisions that were made? Were the making. We heard a story about how the brain makes decisions voted upon? decisions. Understanding decision making is important because our decisions help shape who we are. We Distribute the meeting minutes you have assembled. If learned a quote from the Buddha which we will read decisions were made and the group is interested, ask every time we meet, to remind us that thoughts become them to vote on whether they think the best decision deeds, which become habits, which become our was made by holding up index cards, where one color character. Therefore, we need to be careful where our means "Yes" and the second color means "No." Pick thoughts and deeds lead us. decisions where you can impartially supply background the youth need to make informed decisions. Can youth The Brain. Find out more about why scientists think imagine what emotions came into play as decisions humans have the largest cerebral cortex. Here is a blog were made? What about the reasoning involved? posting with one opinion. An episode of the PBS science series NOVA, "The Human Spark," also discusses this Say that voting members make the best decisions for phenomenon. the congregation they can make at the time. Sometimes, in hindsight, they may wish they had decided differently. Virtue Snapshots. Richard Bach wrote, "All we see of Yet, we believe the democratic process is usually the someone at any moment is a snapshot of their life, there best tool for making decisions that affect us all. Ask if in riches or poverty, in joy or despair. Snapshots don't there is evidence that UUs believe this. [Hint: Look at show the million decisions that led to that moment." Yet, the seven Principles.] we constantly judge or make a decision about people based on these snapshots. Is this fair? Try taking "virtue Ask if anyone else makes decisions in the congregation. snapshots." Notice when people around you, especially Committees, staff, volunteers, and individual members strangers, make moral decisions and take a snapshot in make decisions all the time. Are the youth involved in your mind. Look for both virtuous and not-so-virtuous any congregational decision making? acts. The person in line in front of you gives the cashier Variation back the extra change they accidentally gave them. A baby drops its pacifier and a stranger walks by without Plan for the youth to attend a congregational or board picking it up. A friend passes a rumor about another meeting together. Before the meeting, gather the group friend without ever asking if it was true. Why do you to discuss the agenda and any decisions that may come think that person made that decision? What experiences up for a vote. If any youth are members, they might have you had that would lead you to make the same, or decide to speak at the meeting and share from the a different, decision? group's discussion. If non-members can speak at meetings, urge youth to do so about any decision they A Ritual. The book, How to Bury a Goldfish: And Other feel strongly affects them. Ceremonies and Celebrations for Everyday Life, by Louise Nayer and Virginia Lang (Boston: Skinner House, LEADER REFLECTION AND 2007) includes a ritual on making choices on pages 148- PLANNING 149. It might be helpful in situations where you have conflicted feelings. Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. Did the group experience all the activities as you planned or Virtues Survey. This program has a limited number of should you make time adjustments for future meeting times. Therefore, we can only explore a limited workshops? Both group size and group dynamics will number of virtues. Have you ever thought about which influence the pace. Was there a good amount of virtues are the most important? Survey your family and participation in discussions? It is early yet: Some friends. Ask for the top five most important virtues in individuals will need to feel more comfortable and safe in leading a good life. Compare the lists. Are there any the group before they will speak up. Was starting the 17

surprises? Bring the list to the next workshop and ask or a situation in which someone has been charged with the leaders which ones the group will discuss. a crime based on an action which could be seen as good rather than bad. Invite youth to share any news Old-fashioned "Virtue." The word "virtue" can feel old stories they have recently heard. Discuss stories to fashioned. We do not often use it in everyday speech. articulate the ethical conflict in each and to identify Are you comfortable using the word? What does "living stories in which someone has made a virtuous choice. a virtuous life" mean to you? Do you think of yourself as Do the news sources treat these stories differently? virtuous? Is there another, similar word you might use What values or virtues do the news sources seem to instead? highlight? What messages come through from the way ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE news sources describe ethical dilemmas? CHALLENGES ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: THE Materials for Activity CHARIOTEER (20 MINUTES) • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet (Opening) Materials for Activity Preparation for Activity • Handout 1, Ethical Theories Chart (included in • Post the Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet. this document) Description of Activity Preparation for Activity Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. • Copy the handout for all participants. If someone shared an experience in check-in or during • Read the Description of Activity and familiarize any workshop activities that the group would like to yourself with the spoken material so you can explore further, do so now. This could be particularly present it to the group in your own words. useful if an experience resonated with many Description of Activity participants. If several challenges are already listed on Distribute Handout 1, Ethical Theories Chart. the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. Tell the group that throughout time, many different theories have been put forward concerning how we You might use these questions to structure a discussion: make ethical decisions and a few are detailed on this • What virtues could this challenge bring into chart. play? Have volunteers read the chart. • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If Invite someone to put forward a simple ethical dilemma. so, what values? How do they conflict? If none is forthcoming, suggest this one: You are going • What are possible solutions to this challenge? to visit someone in a retirement home. On the steps, you Are they equally good? Why or why not? find a $10 bill. What do you do? Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in Ask participants to answer the question and supply their hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we reasoning using the different ethical theories in the want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always chart. easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do Say, in your own words: need to keep trying. David Starr Jordan said, "Wisdom is knowing ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: what to do next. Virtue is doing it." Jordan, born NEWSWORTHY? (30 MINUTES) in 1851, was an accomplished and successful scholar, teacher, and author. He was one of the Materials for Activity first to teach evolution at American universities. • News items from various sources including His study and cataloging of fish species is newspapers, magazines, and/or Internet legendary. He was a prolific author, with dozens of books published and was at one time the • Optional: Computer with Internet access best-selling author of Beacon Press, a UU Description of Activity publishing company. At the age of 34, he became president of Indiana University, making Ask participants to form groups of two or three and him the youngest university president ever search the news sources for stories that involve ethical appointed. Later, he was appointed president of dilemmas. Examples could include politicians or Stanford University. High schools and scientific business leaders investigated for fraud, theft, or deceit, 18

prizes are named after him. He was a charter among white supremacist groups and in other member of the Sierra Club, president of the places. In 2011, North Carolina became the first National Education Association (NEA), and an state to consider reparations to victims of forced honorary associate of the Smithsonian Institute, sterilizations, which were legal in 33 states for which offered him positions he declined because much of the twentieth century. Most of the he believed he could do more good working in people forced to be sterilized were declared unfit education. Jordan was also a vocal peace because of mental or physical disability, poverty, activist, serving as director of the World Peace criminal records, or race or ethnicity. Foundation and receiving the Herman Peace During its popularity, proponents of eugenics Prize for the best educational plan for preserving would have thought that trying to improve the world peace. His call for an end to war is viewed gene pool of the human race was a virtuous act. by many as a virtuous act. Do you agree or This raises a number of questions: How timeless disagree? are virtues? Does what we call virtuous behavior David Starr Jordan was also a eugenicist. depend on the time, the place, and other Eugenics, as defined on the Dictionary.com environmental factors? Does the fact that we do website, is "the study of or belief in the not always act virtuously, or the fact that virtues possibility of improving the qualities of the may not be eternal, negate their usefulness as human species or a human population, tools to help us shape our own character and especially by such means as discouraging live our daily lives? reproduction by persons having genetic defects This program is based upon what is commonly or presumed to have inheritable undesirable called "virtue ethics." It corresponds to the traits (negative eugenics) or encouraging Aristotelianism column on the chart in the reproduction by persons presumed to have handout. It is one way of thinking about ethical inheritable desirable traits (positive eugenics)." decision making. As the chart demonstrates, it is One of David Starr Jordan's primary criticisms of not the only way. Aristotle's ideas about ethics war was that it eliminated the strongest and and virtuous living are similar to the ideas of most fit members of a society, and thus Confucius in ancient China; the entire religion of weakened the gene pool. He was a founding Confucianism is based upon ethical decision member of a eugenics organization that making. promoted compulsory sterilization of the less fit members of society (though he himself did not Some of Aristotle's ideas about virtue ethics are advocate for this) and he wrote The Blood of the outdated. For example, he likened the brain Nation: A Study of the Decay of Races through during decision making to a chariot. The horses Survival of the Unfit in 1902. It was published by were our emotions, which are base, animalistic the American Unitarian Association. In fact, his things, wanting to run wild and unfettered. parents were Universalists and he was a friend Thankfully, the chariot has a charioteer to keep and colleague of many UUs. Does this surprise things under control. The charioteer is reason. you? Disappoint you? Is any organization or Aristotle saw decision making as a struggle individual always right or virtuous? What do you between reason and emotions. The best think about that? decisions were made when reason was in total control. You can also envision this as a battle Today, many people would not find his position between the heart and the head. Where else on eugenics virtuous. However, eugenics— have you heard the heart/head dichotomy used based on misinterpretation of Darwin and to distinguish two different ways of being? Have evolutionary theory—was popular among you heard the term "bleeding heart liberal?" American scholars in the late nineteenth century Does this phrase—used derisively by and among Americans in general in the early conservatives—imply that some liberals are twentieth century. Ivy League universities and ruled by the heart instead of the brain? And that other colleges taught courses in eugenics. this is not a good thing? Eugenic beliefs in the fit versus the unfit in society were used as an argument to create We know from our story about modern brain laws supporting segregation, immigration science that this is a false analogy. Both the restriction, and forced sterilization so that a emotions and reason are used when we make person could not physically reproduce. Though decisions and some decisions are best made by eugenics became unpopular after Nazi the emotional part of the brain. Does the fact Germany's effort to create a super Aryan race, that Aristotle's charioteer theory is wrong negate you can still find traces of this way of thinking the usefulness of virtue ethics? 19

Aristotle's charioteer and the eugenics movement in the United States are two examples that illustrate how complex ethical decision-making can be. During our program, we will wrestle with complexities. I can promise you, we will not always get it right. Yet, I believe trying to consciously make virtuous, ethical decisions is better than the alternatives: Leaving it up to chance, or letting others make our decisions for us. What do you think? What value do you see in using virtues as a tool to make ethical decisions? ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 4: THE BRAIN, MAKING DECISIONS (20 MINUTES) Preparation for Activity • Prepare several scenarios that involve making a decision. Description of Activity Participants use knowledge of brain science to examine decision making. Invite participants to role play making decisions. Ask the role players to imagine (aloud) what processes they think their brain might be going through. Of course, since a great deal of it is unconscious, we cannot be sure. The activity is just fun speculation.

"Yes, but where would any of you be without me, "said STORY: THE DEBATE AMONG THE the frontal lobe. "I do all the problem solving, decision PARTS OF THE BRAIN making, and conscious behavior. I make sure you do not act in (sniff) inappropriate ways." Frontal looked directly Based on Aesop's "The Belly and the Other Members of at limbic while making this remark. "It is my use of the Body." reason that makes a human unique." Once upon a time, the various parts of the brain got "Hey, wait," shouted temporal. "You forgot to mention together to discuss their contributions to the uniqueness that you, too, are involved with emotions. You are not of the human being. Each part of the brain thought the just dealing in reason. Within your folds is the human ought to know that it was the most important in orbitofrontal cortex or OFC. I know because we're good determining what it means to be human. friends and communicating all the time. The OFC "You know, you really could not breathe without me," integrates emotions into the decision making process." said the brain stem, the oldest part of the brain, at the "Yeah, OFC and I are buddies, too." said limbic. "It is very bottom. "Let me see how special you feel with no always in touch with us 'primitive brain' parts. Before you oxygen in your lungs!" make any decision to act, frontal lobe, the OFC has The diencephalon, the next part moving upwards, checked out how the person feels about the action chimed in. "Yes, but I produce hunger pangs to let you needed and decided it is the best thing to do. You could know when to eat. Without me, you would starve." not make that decision without consulting the parts of the brain responsible for emotions and those parts are The limbic system tried to speak, but the other parts all over the place. The old idea that human beings are rudely told limbic that its animal impulses, like lust and mostly rational animals is outdated. Even you, frontal— violence, created some of humankind's worst problems the most rational part of the brain—consult emotions to and would not listen to it. do your job, which is making conscious decisions." "Everyone who has spoken so far belongs to what "In fact," the OFC piped up (it had been present all humans like to call the 'primitive brain,'" explained the along, but preferred to work behind the scenes), cerebral cortex. "I am what makes humans unique. I "conscious decisions are not literally conscious at all. All present to you the four lobes of GREATNESS!" And decisions involve some unconscious processing that each of the cerebral cortex's lobes then spoke: happens before the consciousness is even aware that a "I am the occipital lobe. I am involved with vision." decision needs to be made. The unconscious thoughts are influenced by emotions, yes, but also strongly "I am the parietal lobe. I receive sensory information influenced by memory. We, the brain parts, ask from the body. But that is not all. I also take the letters ourselves, 'Have I encountered this situation before?' the occipital lobe sees or the letters I feel (if using and use the answer to inform the decision. Therefore, braille), and I form them into words. I then string the human's previous experiences and even their habits together words to form complete thoughts." The other inform your actions on a conscious and unconscious parts of the brain were impressed, and applauded. level." Though a bit of a braggart, the parietal lobe had the decency to blush. "So be careful of your habits and actions or deeds," said temporal. The bar was now set higher. "You all know me," smirked the temporal lobe. "I'm all over the place. I do a little "Likewise, be careful with your thoughts and words," vision work, interpret most of what you hear, coordinate said parietal. language, learning, memory, and even dabble in "Wow! We are really wise when we work together," said emotions. I'm a jack of all trades." the brain.

HANDOUT 1: ETHICAL THEORIES CHART Immanuel Kant (1724 -1804) was a German philosopher. Aristotle (384 BCE-322 BCE) was a Greek philosopher.

Consequentialism: An action is Virtue Ethics: An action is right if it is Moral Deontology: An action is right if it right if it produces best what a virtuous person would do in system follows a moral rule consequence the situation

Ethic is Ethic of conduct Ethic of conduct Ethic of character based on ...

Example of Utilitarianism Kantianism Aristotelianism a theory

Question How do I get what is best for What is the rational thing to do? What is the best kind of person to be? asked society?

The action is right if it fits the Right and The action is right if it results in the The action is right if it embodies the moral code, no matter the wrong best consequence. greatest virtue. consequence.

FIND OUT MORE Ethics Theory The adult Tapestry of Faith curriculum What We Choose: Ethics for Unitarian Universalists unpacks a variety of ethical frameworks in detail. You can read more about the theories presented in Alternate Activity 3 on the Wadsworth philosophy for higher education website. Find a longer article on virtue ethics in the online Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy. The Brain Many details in the story about how the brain makes decisions come from a fascinating book, How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer (New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2009). A slide show describing the lobes of the cortex has been posted online by "neurosciust." It is informative. However, one slide states there are five lobes, while subsequent slides discuss four lobes (there are only four distinct lobes). Eugenics Read the entry for David Starr Jordan in the Dictionary of Unitarian and Universalist Biography. Find out more about the American eugenics movement on this Image Archive. A five-part series about North Carolina's forced sterilization's victims can be found in the Winston-Salem Journal online.

Alternate Activity 2: Between Extremes 30 WORKSHOP 2: MODERATION Alternate Activity 3: Aristotle's Scramble 15 INTRODUCTION SPIRITUAL PREPARATION Moderation in all things, including moderation. Thomas Paine said, "Moderation in temper is always a — Petronius, Roman author of satires virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice." Moderation is sometimes viewed as wishy-washiness or The exploration of virtues begins with a focus on too much willingness to compromise. But it can also be moderation, because moderation is a virtue that touches viewed as disciplined and mature. What are your all the other virtues. In future workshops, youth will personal feelings about moderation? When has the use respond to questions such as "Can you be too honest?" of moderation been helpful? A hindrance? Is there an and "What can happen if you are too forgiving?" This area of your life where moderation could be useful now? workshop lifts up moderation to set a tone for the entire program, to steer youth from pursuing virtues so intensely that virtuous living becomes its own vice. GOALS This workshop will: • Unpack the meaning of moderation • Explore situations where moderation is used or called for • Invite youth to identify ways they do, or could, use moderation. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Participants will: • Explore the meaning of "moderation" • Apply moderation to a hypothetical dilemma • Identify ways they have used moderation, assess the effects of using moderation, and commit to future use of moderation in their lives. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 15

Activity 1: Up Side, Down Side 10

Activity 2: Story — A Huge Lump of Gold 10

Activity 3: A Time For All Things 20

Activity 4: Dilemma 10

Activity 5: Practice 20

Faith in Action: Newsletter Article 60

Closing 5

Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges

which during the 19th and early 20th century OPENING (15 MINUTES) worked to encourage, and eventually legislate, Materials for Activity the moderate use of or abstinence from alcohol.] Today, the Temperance Movement is often • Newsprint, markers, and tape mocked or played for laughs. It is portrayed as • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- being promoted by stuffy old ladies who did not operated candle want anybody to have fun. Are you surprised to know that many prominent Unitarians and • Group covenant (Workshop 1) Universalists, including Susan B. Antony and • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet Joseph F. Jordan, one of the first African (Workshop 1) American Universalist ministers, were involved in this movement? • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges (included in this document) This was because in the early nineteenth century, advances in the distillation of alcohol Preparation for Activity had led to growing rates of alcoholism and • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. drunkenness, which contributed to crime, Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you poverty, and health problems. The Temperance think you will have time and you observe that Movement was a cause that attracted many youth want to discuss challenges shared in their women because drunkenness among men check-in. affected many women and children. Alcoholism was a big contributing factor in growing rates of • Post the chalice lighting words. desertion of families and domestic abuse. A • Post the group covenant. woman with a husband who drove the family into financial destitution, deserted the home, or • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in beat them and/or the children had little recourse: Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of Seldom could she find reputable work or get a newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. divorce. She would never be entitled to custody Description of Activity of her children, because the legal status of a Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the woman was almost like that of a child—a man's group to recite the chalice lighting words: property. In the same legal and social situation, what would you do if you had an alcoholic The thought manifests as the word husband or father? The word manifests as the deed; The deed develops into habit; Moderation is a virtue Unitarian Universalists And habit hardens into character; believe in, as do most other religions. So watch the thought and its ways with care, Mention also that moderation is something to keep in And let it spring from love mind as you discuss all virtues. Taking anything to the Born out of concern for all beings... extreme—even virtuous behavior—can be bad for you. As the shadow follows the body, Share the quote from Petronius that introduced this As we think, so we become. workshop: — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the Buddha Moderation in all things, including moderation. Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral Remind youth of the discussion on decision making from challenges they have experienced since the last in the previous workshop. Remind them of the notion of meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further balancing values, to make decisions that do the least explore the group's challenges. If youth appear harm. interested in discussing a particular challenge but you feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the ACTIVITY 1: UP SIDE, DOWN SIDE person who shared it to write a short description of the (10 MINUTES) challenge on the Bicycle Rack. Materials for Activity Say, in your own words: • Newsprint, markers, and tape Today we will talk about moderation as a virtue. Another word for moderation is "temperance." [Ask if that word is familiar to anyone. If no one else does, mention the Temperance Movement 25

Preparation for Activity ACTIVITY 2: STORY — A HUGE • Post two sheets of newsprint, one headed LUMP OF GOLD (10 MINUTES) "Moderation — Up Side", the other headed "Moderation — Down Side." Materials for Activity • • Post a third sheet headed "Moderation means... Story, "A Huge Lump of Gold" (included in this " and write these definitions: "restraint," document) "temperance," "avoidance of extremes," Preparation for Activity "mildness," "balance," and "within reasonable • Read the story so you can present it effectively. limits." • Description of Activity Optional: Copy the story for all participants. Description of Activity Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the day's virtue. The group hears and discusses a Buddhist story about moderation. Invite youth to take a moment and think about "moderation" as a virtue. Point out the definitions of Read the story, without identifying its source. Then, "moderation" you have posted. Lead a discussion, using invite the youth to guess what religious tradition the these prompts as needed: story comes from. After everyone knows it is a Jataka tale from the Buddhist tradition, ask if anyone can • What have you been told about moderation: identify a tenet of Buddhism that support moderation. What it means, when to use it, when not to use The answer is the Middle Path, which the Buddha said is it? [For example, youth may have seen "enjoy in the path between indulging in too much pleasure and moderation" messages on beer commercials, or indulging in too little. be aware of people who are "political moderates."] Process the story with these additional questions: • Who defines moderation? Does it mean different • The wealthy woman hid the lump of gold from things to different people? [Example: Standards robbers by burying it. Why was this not a helpful of moderation are different in different cultures.] thing to do? • Is there anyone you admire who uses this • Breaking the lump into four pieces made sense quality regularly? because it was easier to move. Yet the farmer did not need to divide the use of the gold. He • Do you have friends and/or family members who could have used all four pieces to purchase a do not use moderation? How do you feel when luxurious house. What do you think his you are around this person? reasoning was behind dividing it up the way he • What other thoughts come to mind when you did? think about moderation? [Example: Do you think • What does this story have to do with people grow more moderate as they age?] moderation? During the discussion, begin to capture on newsprint • If you had a lump of gold, how would you divide participants' "up side" (positive) and "down side" it? (negative) comments about moderation as a virtue. Then, focus the youth on these questions... • Have you ever had someone give you a large sum of money ("large" is relative; to a seven- • What are the advantages to using moderation? year-old, $20 might seem large) and say, "Don't [Example: Using moderation when eating will spend it all in one place?" Why would they say help you stay healthy.] that? • What are disadvantages? [People who believe • Does this story remind you of anything you or in using moderation in style would be limited in someone you know has done? [If a prompt is their fashion choices.] needed, ask if anyone earns an allowance or a ...and continue recording their comments on the paycheck and divides the money between newsprint. savings and spending.] To conclude, review the comments on the newsprint.

ACTIVITY 3: A TIME FOR ALL Description of Activity THINGS (20 MINUTES) Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. Materials for Activity Seek a volunteer to read one of the two scenarios. Open the floor to reactions and answers. Ask: • Handout 1, Ecclesiastes 3 (included in this document) • Does this remind you of other dilemmas you have encountered or heard of (real, or fictional)? • Drawing paper and implements such as pencils, charcoal, pastels, crayons, and markers • How could moderation play a part in this dilemma? • Optional: A recording of the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds, and a music player ACTIVITY 5: PRACTICE (20 Preparation for Activity MINUTES) • If you plan to play the song, queue the music Materials for Activity and test the music player. • Newsprint, markers, and tape Description of Activity • Participants' journals, and writing instruments Distribute Handout 1 and lead the youth to read the text together. Ask if anyone is familiar with these words and • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop if they know the source (Hebrew scripture). If you have a 1, Activity 3, Practice) recording of the song, "Turn, Turn, Turn," play it now. • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other Discuss the scripture text using the questions below. If decorations participants enjoy making art, invite them to draw a • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors representation—literal, or metaphoric—of one of the lines from the handout. Suggest that the artwork reflect Preparation for Activity experiences in their lives when they experienced these • If needed, read instructions for making the "times." For example, "a time to plant, a time to pluck anklets in the Before You Start section of the what is plant" could depict someone planting a tomato program Introduction and in Workshop 1, plant and harvesting tomatoes or it could depict a Decision Making. biology student studying an anatomy chart and then operating on a patient. • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, and participants' journals if these are also kept • Do you think it is true that there are times when on-site. opposite actions are appropriately called for? • Write these questions on newsprint, and post: • Have you experienced all these actions/feelings in your life? What helped you survive the bad o When was there a time that you used times? Do bad times make you better moderation? appreciate the good times? o What made it possible for you to use • Does believing there is a "time to weep and a moderation then? time to laugh" make it easier to deal with grief? o Have you ever experienced circumstances • Some people would say there is never a time to where it would have been helpful for you to make war. Are there items you disagree with on use more moderation? this list? o What are the areas of your life now where you could apply moderation to help you be ACTIVITY 4: DILEMMA (10 MINUTES) the person you want to be? Materials for Activity Description of Activity • Leader Resource 1, Moderation Dilemmas Participants understand how the use of moderation (included in this document) affects their lives. Preparation for Activity Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the • Print several copies of Leader Resource 1—one questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or for you, the others for volunteer readers. meditate on the questions. While the youth are journaling, you may also offer these prompts: Do extracurricular activities take so much of your free time 27

that you do not spend as much time with family and Preparation for Activity friends as you would like? Are there substances, such • Find out the best way to submit articles for the as cigarettes, alcohol or other drugs, or food, with which congregational newsletter, including deadlines you overindulge? and any format requirements. After five minutes, ask participants to stop journaling. Description of Activity Invite volunteers to share journal writing to their level of comfort. Remind youth that you are a mandated Participants write an article about moderation for the reporter: If anyone discloses behavior that could be congregation's newsletter. dangerous to themselves or others, you will need to Invite the group to write an article on moderation for the report it. congregation's newsletter. They could focus on their When sharing is complete or after ten minutes, distribute discussion of the dilemmas, or they might share one or participants' clipboards, new beads (one per youth), and two volunteers' personal stories. (If you use a story that decorating materials. Invite youth to take the next five mentions people outside the group, do not use real minutes to decorate a bead while reflecting upon their names. Change the story if needed to make sure these personal experiences with moderation. Remind them people cannot be identified.) that this bead will remind them to use moderation. Variation As participants finish, have them add this bead to the Invite the youth to research online and then write an anklet they started in Workshop 1. article that shows what various religions have to say If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with about moderation. You might start here, on a website a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and that gives examples from Islam of Muhammad's sayings instruction to begin their anklet. about moderation in religious practices. Engage readers to comment on the youth's article; you might invite Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making congregants to share their stories or favorite quotes materials, and store for the next workshop. about moderation. CLOSING (5 MINUTES) LEADER REFLECTION AND Materials for Activity PLANNING • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- Reflect on the workshop, with your co-leader. Which operated candle activities did the group enjoy most? How were varied learning styles addressed? Are the group dynamics • Taking It Home (included in this document) taking shape in a healthy way? Are there issues you Preparation for Activity should address? Did participants keep to the covenant? • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for Do co-leaders feel the work is shared equally? Did you all participants. have fun? • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for Look at the next workshop and decide who will be a volunteer to read. responsible for which preparations. Description of Activity TAKING IT HOME Choose a volunteer to read this amusing quote, and Moderation in all things, including moderation. another to extinguish the chalice. — Petronius, Roman author of satires Temperate temperance is best; intemperate IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we discussed moderation temperance injures the cause of temperance. — as a virtue. We talked about the Temperance Mark Twain Movement, which involved many Unitarians and Distribute Taking It Home. Universalists in making laws to limit consumption of alcohol. We heard about the Buddhist Middle Path and FAITH IN ACTION: NEWSLETTER read from the biblical book of Ecclesiastes, which says ARTICLE (60 MINUTES) that all things have their natural seasons or times to be important. We reflected on times we had used Materials for Activity moderation, times we had not used moderation, and • Optional: Computer with Internet access times we might want to use moderation in our lives. Did you know? The author of the quote, Petronius, was an artist in the court of the Roman Emperor Nero. He 28

wrote satires—literary compositions which hold up • What virtues could this challenge bring into human folly and vice for ridicule—but, ironically, was play? renowned (as was Nero) for being extremely self- • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If indulgent. so, what values? How do they conflict? Satire. Characters in satire are frequently larger than life • What are possible solutions to this challenge? and do not exhibit moderation. Their character traits— Are they equally good? Why or why not? both the virtuous and more dastardly—are exaggerated, to make a point. Have you ever read or seen satire? Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in Much of Mark Twain's work is satire, as are the fantasy hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we novels of Terry Pratchett. The movie, Dr. Strangelove: want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, is easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do a famous work of satire about the atomic bomb. The need to keep trying. television shows South Park and The Colbert Report are, too, as is the comic strip, Doonesbury. Read or ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: BETWEEN watch some of these online. Can you identify when TWO EXTREMES (30 MINUTES) characters are NOT using moderation? Are there characters involved that do exhibit moderation? Often Materials for Activity these characters represent the views of the satire's • Newsprint, markers, and tape creator. Preparation for Activity Moderation and Addiction. Read about the • Research organizations in your area that Temperance Movement on this United States History provide assistance for addictions. Post their site. Our society offers us many stimulations. It is easy website addresses and phone numbers on to go from one fun and exciting activity to the next. newsprint, folding the page over so you can However, research shows our senses become reveal the information at the end of the activity. acclimated to stimuli, and soon a particular stimulant becomes less effective. This is why addicts need to Description of Activity constantly increase the amounts of drugs, alcohol, or Teams role play moderate behavior. other stimulants they use. Have you ever heard a parent joke that their kids soon stop playing with their new toys Divide the group into teams of three or more. Ask each and start playing instead with the boxes the toys came team to think of a common situation, such as at school, in? Sometimes simpler is better. Where in your life is with friends or family, or at a job, where they have simplicity needed? What activities used to bring you witnessed extreme behavior. The role play should pleasure but now are a bore? Take time out to engage include both sides of extreme behavior (over-indulging in simplicity. Lie on a blanket under the night sky and versus never indulging), and it should also show using marvel at the stars with a younger sibling or a friend. moderation. Play with your pets. Sit on your front porch and engage You might suggest getting tattoos/piercings; exercise; your neighbors in conversation. physical appearance/fashion; schoolwork with an eye toward grades. Give teams a few minutes to rehearse. ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE Then re-gather the group and have teams present their CHALLENGES role plays. Materials for Activity After the role plays, process: • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening • Are there some behaviors that you think you Description of Activity should never indulge in? Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. • Sometimes people over indulge in behaviors because of an addiction. Can an addict always If someone shared an experience in check-in or during simply stop their addictive behavior? What ways any workshop activities that the group would like to exist for people to seek help with addictions? explore further, do so now. This could be particularly useful if an experience resonated with many Display the newsprint and ask everyone to copy the participants. If several challenges are already listed on information in their journals or, if you created a handout, the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to pass it out now. discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. You might use these questions to structure a discussion:

ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: ARISTOTLE'S SCRAMBLE (15 MINUTES) Materials for Activity • Leader Resource 2, Aristotle's Virtues (included in this document) • Two baskets Preparation for Activity • Print Leader Resource 2. If the group is large, print several copies. Cut apart the list of virtues and the list of extremes. Put them in separate baskets. Keep the bottom of the Leader Resource intact so you have the answers. If you have a large group, print a few copies and prepare a few pairs of baskets. Description of Activity Youth explore Aristotle's view that all virtues are means between extremes, in a matching game. Tell the group that the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle talked about several virtues. Place the basket with virtue strips before the group. He postulated that the virtues were the means in between extreme behaviors. Ask if the youth know from their math studies what a "mean" is. Affirm that it is not exactly a midpoint, nor an average, but a different kind of "middle." To Aristotle, a virtue might be a balanced way to behave, a moderate way to act that sits in between extremes. Place the second basket before the group. Invite the group to play a matching game. One person pulls a virtue out of the first basket and they work with a partner to find the extremes in the other basket. For the purpose of the game, there are ten virtues in the baskets, though Aristotle defined more. After all the matches are complete, ask if any terms need defining. Did any virtues come as a surprise? Do participants agree with Aristotle about virtue being a mean between extremes? Do they agree that the virtues identified truly are virtues? Why or why not?

STORY: A HUGE LUMP OF GOLD A retelling of a Buddhist Jataka Tale. Once there was a village that was prosperous. The wealthiest of the villagers was afraid that the town’s reputation would attract thieves, so they buried a huge lump of gold in a field for safe keeping. Many years passed and the village lost much of its wealth. The wealthy villager died and all knowledge of the gold was lost. One day, a poor farmer decided to plow an abandoned field. After several long days of plowing, the farmer struck something large and hard. They thought it must be a rock or a tree root, but as they uncovered it, they were delighted to find the huge lump of gold. The farmer did not want to be seen carrying around such a piece of gold. They covered it up loosely with dirt, determined to come back at night to claim it. Night fell. The farmer returned for the gold. However, it really was a HUGE lump of gold. It was too heavy for the farmer to even lift, much less carry home. The farmer became frustrated at the thought of their potential riches being forever out of reach. After a while, the farmer decided to sit and think about the situation and an idea occurred to them. “I will break the lump of gold into four smaller pieces. Then I will be able to carry the pieces home. One piece will be enough for my day-to-day living for quite some time. One piece I will save for emergencies. One piece I will invest in my farm and the fourth piece I will give to the poor and needy.” With a peaceful mind, the farmer broke the gold into pieces and carried them home on four separate trips. The farmer lived happily ever after.

HANDOUT 1: ECCLESIASTES 3 From Hebrew scripture (New Revised Standard Version). 1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; 7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

LEADER RESOURCE 1: MODERATION DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 Both you and your friend have cell phone plans with unlimited texting, but that doesn't mean your time has no limits! Your friend texts you all throughout the day, even during school hours and late into the night. They get upset if you don't hit them back within five minutes, but you cannot stop everything to respond to so many texts. You want to keep them as a friend, but their texting needs are driving you up the wall. What should you do?

Dilemma 2 Crack cocaine and powder cocaine are two forms of the same drug. Both are illegal. Yet, the law has treated them differently. Crack cocaine, the only drug for which there is a federally mandated minimum sentence for mere possession, carries a minimum five-year prison sentence for possession of five grams. However, you would need to possess at least 500 grams of powder cocaine to get the same sentence. A 2006 study found that 82 % of Americans sentenced for possession of crack are black, even though they comprise only 30 % of users. Crack is the form of cocaine used more often by blacks and people with lower incomes, as opposed to powder cocaine which is more expensive. Most people would say our justice system should be fair, balanced—moderate. Would you agree that the sentencing policy for crack cocaine possession shows moderation? [A law to rectify some of this disparity was signed by President Obama in 2010.]

LEADER RESOURCE 2: ARISTOTLE'S VIRTUES VIRTUES Courage Generosity

Temperance Pride

Patience or Good Temper Truthfulness

Wittiness Modesty

Friendliness Righteous Indignation

EXTREMES Cowardice/Foolhardiness Boastfulness/Self-Depreciation

Self-indulgence/Insensibility Buffoonery/Boorishness

Extravagance/Stinginess Obsequiousness/Unpleasantness

Vanity/Humility Bashfulness/Shamelessness

Irascibility/Apathy Envy/Spite

GUIDE FOR LEADER Courage = Cowardice/Foolhardiness Temperance = Self-indulgence/Insensibility Generosity = Extravagance/Stinginess Pride = Vanity/Humility Patience or Good Temper = Irascibility/Apathy Truthfulness = Boastfulness/Self-Depreciation Wittiness = Buffoonery/Boorishness Friendliness = Obsequiousness/Unpleasantness Modesty = Bashfulness/Shamelessness Righteous Indignation = Envy/Spite

FIND OUT MORE The Art of Manliness website has an article on how moderation can help you enjoy life more. Reverend Dr. Monica Cummings, a Unitarian Universalist minister, has created a series of short animated videos for youth. View her video "Youth Struggling with Addiction" on YouTube. The Unitarian: A Monthly Magazine of Liberal Christianity (1886-87) was a monthly periodical in which temperance was a frequent topic. On Google Books, read "The Duty of Clergymen in Relation to the Temperance Reform."

Activity 3: Story — Sita's Reputation 10 WORKSHOP 3: INTEGRITY Activity 4: Gossip Game 15 INTRODUCTION Activity 5: Practice 20 Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with Faith in Action: Countering Misinformation integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip Closing 5 about others. Use the power of your word in the Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges direction of truth and love. — Miguel Angel Ruiz, spiritualist and author Alternate Activity 2: Are Humans Born Good? 15 This workshop deals with integrity. Since integrity Alternate Activity 3: Are You a Saint? 10 requires being true to yourself, participants will also examine the related virtues of honesty and Alternate Activity 4: Story — Feathers on the 15 trustworthiness. Activities highlight the importance of our Wind reputations, and youth discuss the effects of peer pressure in their lives. If you have time, you might add SPIRITUAL PREPARATION Alternate Activity 2, Are Humans Born Good? To be a person of integrity, you must be trustworthy. GOALS Trusting and being trusted contribute to our feeling secure in the world. Some people trust easily; others This workshop will: have been taught to be distrustful or have developed • Examine the meanings of integrity, honesty, and distrust because of previous hurts. Where do you fall on trustworthiness the spectrum? Where and with whom do you feel the most trust? Why do you feel you can trust these • Wrestle with ethical dilemmas involving integrity, individuals? Think back to your experiences with them honesty, and trust and try to identify what in their behavior created the trust • Guide youth to identify themselves as people of you have in them. Do people seem to trust you? If so, integrity, who are honest and trustworthy. what qualities in you help create this trust? How do you show these qualities in your work with youth in this LEARNING OBJECTIVES program? Participants will: • Explore the meaning of integrity • Consider how honesty and trustworthiness relate to integrity • Discuss a dilemma that involves compromised integrity • Identify experiences where they acted with integrity, honesty, and trustworthiness, and some where they did not • Commit to using the virtue of integrity in the future. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 10

Activity 1: Ideal vs. Reality 15

Activity 2: Dilemma 15

OPENING (10 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: IDEAL VS. REALITY (15 Materials for Activity MINUTES) • Newsprint, markers, and tape Materials for Activity • Newsprint, markers, and tape • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- operated candle Preparation for Activity • Group covenant (Workshop 1) • Post blank newsprint. • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet Description of Activity (Workshop 1) Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the day's virtue. • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges (included in this document) Choose a volunteer to take notes on newsprint. Ask the Preparation for Activity group to define "honesty." Do the same for "trust", and "integrity." The first two terms are easy. Integrity is • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. harder. There are two primary definitions. One is Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you "adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness think you will have time and you observe that of moral character; honesty." The other definition is "the youth want to discuss challenges shared in their state of being whole, entire, or undiminished." Talk check-in. about how these two definitions relate to this program. • Post the chalice lighting words. Guide the group to define integrity as a virtue. • Post the group covenant. You might say: • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in The ancient Greek philosophers believed that Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of true happiness resulted when something fulfills newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. its true purpose. They believed the true purpose of human beings is to survive, thrive, and form Description of Activity meaningful relationships. How will living a life of Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the honesty, trust, and integrity help you do that? group to recite the chalice lighting words: Now invite the youth to play "Ideal versus Reality." In The thought manifests as the word this game, one person takes center stage and states an The word manifests as the deed; ideal that surrounds this virtue. Then the floor is open The deed develops into habit; and anyone can take center stage and state a reality And habit hardens into character; that conflicts with the ideal. Here are examples: So watch the thought and its ways with care, Ideal: Honesty is the best policy. And let it spring from love Born out of concern for all beings... Reality: Being too honest can lose you a friend or a job. As the shadow follows the body, Ideal: You can trust a priest or a minister. As we think, so we become. — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the Reality: Some ministers and priests abuse trust and Buddha harm children. Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral Ideal: The world respects people who act with integrity. challenges they have experienced since the last Reality: Many people become rich by cheating others. meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further explore the group's challenges. If youth appear End the game, then invite participants to share other interested in discussing a particular challenge but you questions or thoughts about integrity, honesty, and trust. feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the Mention the quality of trustworthiness, which means that person who shared it to write a short description of the others can trust you. Use these questions: challenge on the Bicycle Rack. • How have integrity, honesty, trust, and Tell participants that today you will talk about three trustworthiness played out in your life? related virtues: integrity, honesty, and trust. • Who do you know that you consider a person of integrity? Why?

• Have you ever lost trust in someone? What ACTIVITY 3: STORY — SITA'S were the circumstances? REPUTATION (10 MINUTES) • Has anyone ever lost trust in you? What were the circumstances? Were you able to regain Materials for Activity their trust? How? • Story, "Sita's Reputation" (included in this • What are some of the reasons people lie? Are document) these reasons legitimate excuses sometimes? • Leader Resource 2, Sita (included in this Including All Participants document) If some participants have mobility limitations, play Ideal Preparation for Activity vs. Reality with everyone seated; allow youth to call out • Read the story so you can present it effectively. contributions "popcorn style." • Print the Leader Resource to show participants. ACTIVITY 2: DILEMMA (15 MINUTES) • Optional: If you expect you might have time, Materials for Activity plan to invite participants to act out the story with as much melodrama as they wish. • Leader Resource 1, Integrity Dilemmas (included in this document) • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. Preparation for Activity Description of Activity • Print several copies of the Leader Resource, for Youth hear a Hindu story about Sita, the embodiment of yourself and volunteer readers. honesty, trust, and integrity. Description of Activity Tell the group this story comes from the Ramayan, a Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. classic Hindu text. Orthodox Hindus consider the Ramayan a complete guide to God-realization, the path Have a volunteer read the first scenario. Invite to which lies in righteousness. The Ramayan portrays responses. Ask participants if this reminds them of other human beings at their most ideal, so people can emulate dilemmas they have encountered or heard of, real or those ideals to become ideal human beings and ideal fictional. How does honesty play a part in this dilemma? citizens. What about trust? What would a person of integrity do? Show Leader Resource 2, Sita, to participants. Then, tell Now have a volunteer read the second dilemma. Invite or read the story and discuss it with the following discussion. If no one mentions peer pressure, introduce questions: the topic: • Now that you know Sita's story, why do you • Risky behavior amongst youth is often chalked think Hindus would pray to her? What traits up to peer pressure. Do you think peer pressure does she represent? What is she the goddess influences youth decision making? Has peer of? pressure been a strong factor in your life? • Does Sita seem too good to be true? Is she too • Are youth the only people influenced by peer patient, too loyal, too self-sacrificing? pressure? How have you witnessed peer Remember that the Ramayana is intended as pressure contributing to the decision making of moral instruction. Sita is the incarnation of a children and adults? goddess in human form. She therefore • What role does the media play in peer embodies perfect patience, perfect chastity. She pressure? is worshipped as the perfect daughter, wife, and mother. • Does peer pressure always take you away from • acting with integrity? Can you think of a time Sita's husband, Rama, who is also the that you made a healthy or ethically sound reincarnation of a god, put the good of the city decision because of the influence of your peers? above what was fair to Siva. Is Rama the perfect husband? • Though we might consider this story sexist in that Sita is expected to be patient, long suffering, and obedient, it may not mean the story has no value for us today. One way of thinking about Siva is that she was confined by 38

the gender roles of her time. Have you ever felt sentence, the more fun the game. Or, start the game that way? Are gender expectations different with a sentence you have prepared. today, or pretty much the same? Are males, or The writer gives the written sentence to someone on females, expected to have more integrity than their right or left. That person reads it quickly, then another gender? Or are our standards for hands the paper back to the writer and whispers the integrity the same for all genders? sentence to the person next to them. The group passes • Have you been in a situation where people the sentence along, with the writer hearing it last. believed you had done something wrong, but Compare the final version with the written sentence. you had not? In your school or with your peers, Play as long as time allows, leaving time for discussion do people gossip about someone's wrongdoing using these questions: at times when they have no proof of it? • What does this game help us understand about • How important is your reputation? gossip? • What are some things that can damage your • What does gossip have to do with integrity, reputation? honesty, and trust? If you believe what you are • What can you do if your reputation is unfairly saying is true, is gossip wrong? What if you did damaged by rumors, gossip, and lies? not intend harm? If your friend posts on Facebook that they are breaking up with their • Despite what others thought, Siva knew she had partner, is it gossip if you tell your friends who stayed true to herself and that she was morally are not on Facebook? What if you speculate to uncompromised. Because of her integrity, she others about why they are breaking up, or talk was able to do great and miraculous things. She about overhearing them argue? What if they do withstood a trial by fire, raised her twin sons not break up, after all? alone, and is credited with being the true destroyer of the evil Ravana—after all, it was his • How do you know if what you are thinking of desire for her, her standing up to him, and sharing is gossip or not? Is there a test? One Rama's desire to rescue her that caused his suggestion might be to ask the person you are ultimate downfall. talking about if they are comfortable with your sharing. Another might be to ask yourself: "If this • Have you ever had a moment when you had to was said about me, how would I feel?" act with moral certainty? What was that like? • Have you ever been hurt by gossip? Have you ACTIVITY 4: GOSSIP GAME (15 ever hurt others, whether intentional or not, by MINUTES) passing on unnecessary information? Materials for Activity • How does gossip relate to our UU Principles? • Blank paper and writing instruments • Author Bob Burg on his website advocates for a Reverse Gossip game. In this game, instead of • Optional: A copy of the Unitarian Universalist sharing negative comments, you repeat only Principles positive things about people. For example, if Preparation for Activity someone says, "Alex and Robin never hang out with us after school. They must think they are • Optional: Write a few complicated sentences on too good to be with us," you can respond with slips of paper. "People have different levels of comfort when it Description of Activity comes to socializing, but Alex and Robin have Youth discuss the damage gossip can do. always been good friends to me and there when I need them." Say to the group that though Sita's story does not Including All Participants explicitly say the people of Ayodhaya gossiped about Sita, we can imagine that they did. Ask for a definition of If any participants have hearing difficulties, skip this gossip. Affirm, or offer: Gossip is the unnecessary activity, as it relies on youth mishearing what others sharing of potential harmful or hurtful information. Ask if whisper. anyone has played the game, Gossip. Invite them to play now. Have everyone form a circle. Ask a volunteer to write a sentence on a strip of paper. The more difficult the 39

ACTIVITY 5: PRACTICE (20 Description of Activity MINUTES) Participants understand how the use of integrity affects their lives. Materials for Activity Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the • Newsprint, markers, and tape questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or • Participants' journals, and writing instruments meditate on the questions. • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop After five minutes, ask participants to stop. Invite 1, Activity 3, Practice) volunteers to share journal writing, to their level of comfort. Remind youth that you are a mandated • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other reporter: If anyone discloses behavior that could be decorations dangerous to themselves or others, you will need to • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors report it. Listen to what the youth say. Affirm that living a life of integrity is not easy. Challenges will arise Preparation for Activity throughout our lives; living according to our vales, being • If needed, read instructions for making the true to ourselves, is a lifelong endeavor. If appropriate, anklets in the Before You Start section of the share with the group a time when you were disappointed program Introduction and in Workshop 1, in your own behavior. Help youth understand that we will Decision Making. fall short, but recognizing it and committing to do better next time is a hallmark of a person with integrity. • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, and participants' journals if these are also kept When sharing is complete or after ten minutes, distribute on-site. participants' clipboards, new beads (one per youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to take the next five • Write on newsprint, and post: minutes to decorate a bead while reflecting on their o When was a time you felt someone personal experiences with integrity, honesty, and trust. expected you to forsake your integrity? Remind them that the bead will act as a reminder to live according to their highest values. o How important is it to you that you are seen as trustworthy? What about you makes you As participants finish, have them add this bead to the seem trustworthy/untrustworthy? anklet they started in Workshop 1.

o When was a time you were honest even If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with though your honesty meant someone a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and (maybe you) would get hurt? Why were you instruction to begin their anklet. honest then? Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making o Has there been a time when you were hurt materials, and store for the next workshop. by someone else's lies? Did it affect your relationship with that person? CLOSING (5 MINUTES) Materials for Activity o Can you be too honest? • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- o Can you have too much integrity? What if someone had to choose between personal operated candle integrity and the welfare of a group they • Taking It Home (included in this document) belong to? Preparation for Activity Have you ever experienced circumstances o • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for where it would have been helpful for you to all participants. be more honest, trustworthy, or truer to your values? • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for a volunteer to read. o What are the areas of your life now where you could apply the virtues of integrity, Description of Activity honesty, trust, and trustworthiness to help Have a volunteer read the quotation while another you be the person you want to be? extinguishes the chalice.

A good name is more desirable than great out new things about your friends and to see who has riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or the best "poker face." gold. — Proverbs 22:1 Integrity and Peer Pressure. Kids Health has FAITH IN ACTION: COUNTERING information on identifying and dealing with peer pressure. MISINFORMATION Virtue Practice. The Teens Health website has a link to Description of Activity a neat feature "Making a Change in Your Life: Your Participants examine the press for dishonesty. Personal Plan". You can use this feature to create a personalized workbook to help you reach a goal by Invite the group to discuss a political or social issue that setting and taking small steps. If there is a virtue you is important to them. It could be immigration or gay have identified as one that you wish to grow, this guide rights or racism. Ask what information they have heard might help you plan concrete steps to take. about the issue that could well be untrue, and is harmful to people. For example: "Mexicans don't pay taxes on Sexting. Find accurate and appropriate information their earnings," "All gay people are sexually about sexting and other issues in sexuality at these promiscuous," or "All Asians are smart." websites: Scarlet Teen, Sexetc, Seventeen, and Go Ask Alice. Spend time tracking down misinformation. Examine TV news, Internet blogs, publicity of local organizations, and ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE other sources. Where did the misinformation begin? How has it spread? Discuss how you could counter such CHALLENGES misinformation. Does the organization need to be Materials for Activity educated? Should the TV channel be boycotted? Would • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening it be useful to support groups that are putting out the truth? Choose an action the group can take safely, and Description of Activity take it. Analyze the results. Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. LEADER REFLECTION AND If someone shared an experience in check-in or during PLANNING any workshop activities that the group would like to explore further, do so now. This could be particularly Reflect upon the workshop with your co-leader. Which useful if an experience resonated with many activities did the group enjoy the most? Were varied participants. If several challenges are already listed on learning styles addressed? Are the group dynamics the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to taking shape in a healthy way or are there issues you discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. should address? Did the group understand the You might use these questions to structure a discussion: relationship between integrity, honesty, and trust? Were participants careful with their words and speaking with • What virtues could this challenge bring into integrity? play? Read the next workshop for any advance preparation • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If needed and decide who will be responsible for what. so, what values? How do they conflict? TAKING IT HOME • What are possible solutions to this challenge? Are they equally good? Why or why not? Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we power of your word in the direction of truth and love. want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always — Miguel Angel Ruiz, spiritualist and author easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do need to keep trying. IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we examined the relationship among integrity, honesty, and trust. We ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: ARE heard a story about Sita, perfect daughter, wife, and HUMANS BORN GOOD? (15 mother. We talked about reputations and peer pressure. MINUTES) Honesty and Truthfulness. Play the game "Two Truths and a Lie." In this game, everyone makes three Description of Activity statements, one of which is untrue. Your friends try and The group debates human nature. guess which statement is the lie. It is a fun way to find 41

Here are questions for the group to debate: exhausted. You open the door to your hut and urge the stag inside. You hear the hunting party approaching. • Are people born good? Are we inherently good? What do you do? Or do we need to be taught virtues? If practicing virtues makes us better at achieving them, does [Pause.] that mean we are not born virtuous? You, St. Godric, sit outside your hut, in quiet meditation. • What about our first Unitarian Universalist The dogs, in hot pursuit of the stag, come leaping into Principle, the inherent worth and dignity of all the clearing, but stop short at the man and the hut. The people? Does that mean humans are inherently hunters follow. They look around for the stag and not worthy and full of integrity? seeing him, they ask you, "Where is the stag we were chasing?" What do you say? • Some people say humans are born flawed by original sin. Original sin is the taint all [Pause.] humankind carries because, according to the You open your eyes, fixing the hunters in your gaze. biblical story, Adam and Eve disobeyed God "God knows where he may be." The hunters think, "This and ate of the Tree of Knowledge. What do we, is a holy man. He would never lie. If the stag had come as Unitarian Universalists, believe about original this way, he would tell us." Thinking that they have lost sin? the prey, the hunting party goes home. When the forest • If people are not born virtuous, why do some is clear, you open the door and the stag goes free. How people exhibit some virtues very early on while do you feel? others do not? Why do some children seem After the activity, discuss it. These questions may help: inherently generous or empathetic? Is this learned behavior or genetics? How much of our • What is the conflict in this story? character is inherited from our parents? How • Does St. Godric lie to the hunters? much of it do we learn learned (nature versus nurture)? • Why did the hunters trust St. Godric? If someone puts their trust in you, do you feel • What does Unitarian Universalism say about more responsible for acting in a trustworthy nature versus nurture? way? • What or who is the best teacher of virtues? How • St. Godric felt he needed to hide the truth for a have you learned to be "good?" greater good: to protect the stag. Can you think ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: ARE YOU A of examples where you might be willing to hide the truth or perhaps even lie for a greater good? SAINT? (10 MINUTES) What about lying to keep from hurting Description of Activity someone's feeling? Where do you draw the line? Participants examine a moral decision step-by-step. • At every step, St. Godric had a decision to make Tell the group that there is a classic story about St. about how he would behave. Have you ever had Godric, a Christian holy man known for his kindness to a situation where you made one bad choice and animals. Invite them to use the story to play a game, everything turned out badly? Is there anything "You Are St. Godric." you can do in such a situation? You, St. Godric, are a hermit, living in the woods. You hear horns, from a distance. The hunt must be on. How ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 4: STORY — do you feel about the hunt? FEATHERS ON THE WIND (15 [Pause.] MINUTES) You love animals and would never want to see one hurt. Materials for Activity You go outside. From here, you can even hear the • Story, "Feathers on the Wind" (included in this hunters, riding through the forest. A beautiful stag comes document) crashing through the brush. You realize he is the subject of the hunt. What do you do? Preparation for Activity • [Pause.] Read the story so you can present it effectively. • You empathize with the poor hunted animal. You look Optional: Copy the story for all participants. into the eyes of the stag and see fear. It is trembling and

Description of Activity Participants share a story about harmful words. Tell or read the story. Lead a discussion, using these questions: • Has there ever been a time when you have said something you wish you could take back later? Share what happened. Change the names of others in the story to make it more anonymous. • Sometimes we unintentionally hurt others with our words. For example, some gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or transgender people are "out" in some situations, so that others are aware of this aspect of their identity, but not "out" in other areas of their life. Sometimes someone who does not know this may say something that informs others that a person is gay against the person's wishes. Have you ever experienced this personally, or witnessed it happening to others? • Gossip is defined as sharing unnecessary information that can be harmful or hurtful to others. How do you know if what you are thinking of sharing is gossip or not? Is there a test? One suggestion might be to ask the person you are talking about if they are comfortable with your sharing. Another might be to ask if this was said about you, how would you feel?

STORY: FEATHERS ON THE WIND A retelling of a European Jewish wisdom tale. Once there was a man whom the entire village knew to be a gossip. He could not wait to share the juiciest piece of gossip with whoever would listen. It did not matter to him if the stories he spread were true, or not—he never stopped to ask. One day, after hearing the rabbi speak about the harm gossip causes, this man went to the rabbi and said, "Rabbi, I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused with my loose lips. I repent and will gossip no more. Can I be forgiven?" "Yes," replied the rabbi, "but here is what you must do. Go home. Find a feather pillow. Open the pillow and release the feathers on the wind. Then, come back to me." The man thought this a strange request, but he did as he was told. When he came back, the rabbi said, "Now, go gather all the feathers released from the pillow." "But that is impossible! They have flown all over the place. I do not even know where most of them have traveled!" "So it is with words: you do know where your gossip and rumors have traveled. Once words have been uttered, they cannot be taken back." The man understood. From that day on, he was careful and thoughtful when speaking of others, and spoke with integrity.

STORY: SITA'S REPUTATION back a wife who has lived with another man?" "Sita says she was true, but everybody knows no woman ever A retelling of stories from the Ramayana, an ancient resisted Ravana." Rama worried that citizens would use Hindu text. Sita as an excuse to be promiscuous. More importantly, Perfect daughter, perfect wife, perfect mother. This is he felt his position as king was threatened by keeping the way Hindus revere Sita. How could she not be Sita by his side. Rama was disturbed by the way people virtuous and noble? Sita was the reincarnation of the spoke about her and decided her presence was too goddess, Lakshimi. Hindus pray to Sita for moral disruptive. He had to decide what to be loyal to: his city strength, loyalty, and integrity. She is considered the or his wife. He chose his city, and banished Sita. Did he perfect woman. see the irony of the situation? Who knows. It was easy for Sita to be a good daughter. King Janaka Did Sita see the irony? If she did, she did not say and Queen Sunanya, while ploughing a field to prepare anything. Being the perfect wife, she did not plead or for a sacrifice to the gods, had found the baby Sita. They curse Rama. She did not even tell Rama she was knew this must be a special child—a gift, indeed, from pregnant. She simply packed and left. She found refuge the gods. Since they both desired a daughter, they at the hermitage of a wise old man, Valmiki. Valmiki brought her back to the palace and raised her as their knew Sita was a woman of great integrity and honesty. daughter. She grew to be smart, beautiful, and obedient. He knew she needed a warm and safe place to raise the The perfect daughter. twin boys she gave birth to a short time later. Because of her attributes, many princes desired Being the perfect mother was not easy. Sita had to raise Princess Sita. The royal family held a contest for her her sons alone. Although they were princes, they lived in hand in marriage, and the brave Prince Rama won it. exile, and did not enjoy the comfort of a court or a kingdom. Yet, Sita kept her integrity by being loyal to They loved each other very much, but it was not as easy them. for Sita to be the perfect wife. Her husband, Rama, was the oldest son and in line to become king of his For many years, Rama did not know he had sons. One kingdom, Ayodhaya. Through political intrigue, Rama's day, when they were young men, he met Luv and Kush. younger half-brother obtained the throne instead, and He asked them to come live with him in the palace. out of fear, banished Rama for 14 years. Sita was Wishing the best for her sons, Sita urged them to go, but prepared to go into exile with her husband, but he she refused to go back. Now that her sons were safe argued that she should not come. What should the and on the way to receiving their rightful due, she asked perfect wife do? Sita was not always an obedient wife: to be released of her burdens—being perfect takes a She decided that loyalty to her husband was more heavy toll. important than obedience. This is why people pray to Now it was the pantheon of the gods and goddesses her for loyalty. She waited until he had his say, then who desired Sita. The goddess of the earth opened up explained why it was her duty to accompany him. for her, wrapped her in her warm and loving arms, and Through her patience and devotion, Rama was carried Sita to the heavens, where she exists to this day, convinced and they fled into exile. a shining example for all women. There existed an evil creature, Ravana. He, too, desired Sita. He kidnapped her and tried to seduce her. It was said no woman ever resisted him. Sita did: She remained true to Rama and was not deceived by Ravana's tricks or swayed by his gifts and sweet words. Again, Sita exhibited loyalty, moral strength, and integrity. After many hardships and bloody battles, Rama rescued Sita and regained the throne. At first, Rama did not believe Sita had remained faithful to him. Neither did the people of Ayodhaya. Sita asked for a fire to be built and said if she had been sexually intimate with anyone besides her husband, she would burn. When she exited the fire safely, Rama believed she was telling the truth, but some in city still doubted. As he sat in the royal palace, Rama heard the whispers of the people in his kingdom. "What kind of king takes 45

LEADER RESOURCE 1: INTEGRITY DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 A friend confides to you that he has committed a particular crime and you promise never to tell. Discovering that an innocent person has been accused of the crime, you plead with your friend to give himself up. He refuses and reminds you of your promise. What should you do? In general, under what conditions should promises be broken? Dilemma 2 Integrity can be compromised by pictures as well as by words. About 20% of youth admit to sexting: sending sexual messages and/or nude photos through text messaging. If the photos are of a minor, this is child pornography and a felony crime. At least 10 states have charged teenagers in court. If convicted, these youth's names can be added to a database of sex offenders, where they can remain for decades. Often, youth send nude photos to a boyfriend or girlfriend, thinking the photos will remain private. However, if one party becomes angry or thinks it is funny, these photos can get all over the Internet. Once a photo is posted, it is virtually impossible to delete it from the cyber world. Even if the photo is not posted, once it is sent, you have no control over who the receiver shows it to. For example, if the receiver looks at a nude photo of you in public, strangers may look over their shoulders and see it. Some people argue that this is an issue about personal freedom. Others say it is about the law. How is this also an issue of integrity? What do you think about sexting?

LEADER RESOURCE 2: SITA Idol of Sita at Sita Marhi photograph by Bala Subs.

FIND OUT MORE The complete Ramayana can be found online or in book form. The Ramayana For Children (New York: Penguin, 2004) is an easy-to-read version. A Hidden Wholeness (San Francisco: Wiley, 2004) is a wonderful book about integrity by the Quaker teacher and theologian Parker Palmer. The Tapestry of Faith program A Place of Wholeness guides young people in living lives of integrity as Unitarian Universalists.

Activity 4: Respect Role Models 10 WORKSHOP 4: RESPECT Activity 5: Practice 20 INTRODUCTION Faith in Action: Respect Videos The soul that is within me no man can degrade. Closing 5 — Frederick Douglass Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges Today's workshop focuses on respect. Respect, like several other virtues, goes both ways: One should Alternate Activity 2: Easy A, the Movie 120 respect others, and one must respect oneself. This Alternate Activity 3: Respect Role Models, Part virtue is embedded in our first Unitarian Universalist Principle, the inherent worth and dignity of each person. 2 The Faith in Action activity, Respect Videos, is a project SPIRITUAL PREPARATION that will also work well with other virtues. If you have the time and technology to provide this activity and the Spend time reflecting on the first Unitarian Universalist youth enjoy it, consider making an entire video series. Principle: the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Does this translate into "respect everyone?" Why, or GOALS why not? Are there people in your life for whom you have lost respect? How did that happen? How do you This workshop will: feel about the loss? If it is hurtful to you, is there a way • Examine the meaning of respect the respect can be regained? Does the person know they no longer have your respect? If not, perhaps a • Explore situations where respect is used or conversation is in order. If respect was lost because of called for someone's behavior, do you fully understand why they • Introduce Reverend Joseph Jordan, a 19th- acted the way they did? Could they explain themselves century Universalist minister and the first African to you? Should they have to? American ordained in the Universalist Consider also the reverse: Is there a friend who has lost denomination respect for you? Is a conversation in order? Do you wish • Guide youth to identify themselves as users of to explain yourself? Should you have to? respect. Is it easier to lose respect for someone we care about LEARNING OBJECTIVES and feel we know well, than for a stranger? How do you define or describe "respect?" Participants will: • Explore the meaning of respect • Learn about the 19th-century Universalist minister, Reverend Joseph Jordan • Discuss dilemmas where respect is tested • Identify ways they do or could practice respect, and commit to the future practice of respect in their lives. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 15

Activity 1: Story — Joseph Jordan 10

Activity 2: Two Sides to Every Virtue 10

Activity 3: Dilemma 20

OPENING (15 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: STORY — JOSEPH Materials for Activity JORDAN (10 MINUTES) • Newsprint, markers, and tape Materials for Activity • Story, "Building Respect: Reverend Joseph • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- Jordan" (included in this document) operated candle Preparation for Activity • Group covenant (Workshop 1) • Read the story so you can present it effectively. • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet (Workshop 1) • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Description of Activity Challenges (included in this document) Youth learn about the first ordained African American Preparation for Activity Universalist minister. • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. Tell or read the story. Then discuss it using these Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you questions: think you will have time and you observe that • As a free African American, born in 1842, where youth want to discuss challenges shared in their do you think Joseph might have experienced check-in. respect? Where might he have experienced • Post the chalice lighting words. disrespect? • Post the group covenant. • What did Joseph Jordan learn from Christianity about respect? • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of • In most areas of life, African Americans were newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. not, at this time, treated with respect and dignity. This is why Frederick Douglass said, "The soul Description of Activity that is within me no man can degrade." Why do Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the you think the Universalist Ordaining Council group to recite the chalice lighting words: took Jordan seriously and treated him respectfully? The thought manifests as the word The word manifests as the deed; • We should remember that in 1889, when Jordan The deed develops into habit; was ordained, Universalism was a Christian And habit hardens into character; denomination, as was Unitarianism. Although So watch the thought and its ways with care, some UUs today identify as Christian, many do And let it spring from love not, and our faith is not a Christian Born out of concern for all beings... denomination. Still, our Christian roots are an As the shadow follows the body, important part of our character today. What in As we think, so we become. your UU faith do you owe to our Christian roots? — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the • In 1863, the Universalists ordained the first Buddha woman minister in the U.S. In 1889, they Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral ordained their first African American minister at challenges they have experienced since the last a time when to do so was unusual for a meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further predominately white Protestant denomination. In explore the group's challenges. If youth appear 2001, the UUA became the first predominately interested in discussing a particular challenge but you white religious body to elect an African feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the American as their leader. How does this UU person who shared it to write a short description of the history make you feel? Does it mean that within challenge on the Bicycle Rack. Unitarian Universalism sexism and racism do not exist? Does it mean that some women and Tell participants that today the group will explore some people of color were not discouraged from respect. being leaders in the faith? What does it mean? • Jordan not only preached, he opened a school for African American children. What connection 50

do you see between education and respect for neither clearly positive nor clearly negative, process the newly freed black people? these as a group. • Joseph Jordan is one of our faith ancestors. Make sure the discussion includes these points: What lesson does his life hold for us today as • Some people disrespect people because of their Unitarian Universalists? age, gender, racial/ethnic identity, social or ACTIVITY 2: TWO SIDES TO EVERY economic class, level of education, body size, ability, or other identities. Have you witnessed or VIRTUE (10 MINUTES) experienced this? Description of Activity • Respect is one of those virtues that gets Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the frequent lip service even when it is not an actual virtue of respect. lived experience—that is, people may be quick to say they respect someone, yet their actions Invite youth to sit for a moment and think about "respect" show otherwise. Have you witnessed or as a virtue. These prompts might be useful: experienced this? • What have you been told about respect: What it means, when to use it, when not to use it? ACTIVITY 3: DILEMMA (20 MINUTES) • What does respect mean to you? What does Materials for Activity disrespect mean to you? Have you ever been • Leader Resource 1, Respect Dilemmas told you acted in a disrespectful way? Who (included in this document) decided it was disrespectful? Did you agree, or Preparation for Activity not? • Adapt the Leader Resource to include just the • Can one ever be too respectful? What happens dilemmas you plan to use in this activity. Make if respect is not moderated? copies—for yourself, for volunteer role-players, • Is respect earned, or do you respect everyone? and, if you wish, for all participants. What does our first Principle ("The inherent • Find a space for the role play actors to rehearse, worth and dignity of every person") say about away from the regular meeting space. respect? Description of Activity • Have you ever lost respect for someone or something? What did that feel like? Youth role play scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. • For the most part, do people treat you with Instead of discussing the dilemmas, as they have done respect? in previous workshops, invite the youth to role play them. Seek volunteers to enact both dilemmas. Let the • To whom do you give the most respect? Are volunteers decide on roles, and give them five minutes there people for whom you have absolutely no to rehearse. Have the youth present two role plays for respect? If so, how do you reconcile this with each scenario: one demonstrating respect and one the first Principle? demonstrating disrespect. Ask them to keep each role • What other questions come to mind when you play under two minutes. Encourage the actors to be as think about respect? dramatic as they like and, if they wish, to add layers to the dilemmas as written. Invite youth to share their reflections, with statements that begin "On the positive side... " or "On the negative While the actors rehearse, open the floor for responses side... ." For example, "On the positive side, people who to the dilemmas. Ask participants if this reminds them of are widely respected can use their power for good other dilemmas they have encountered or heard of, real causes, as with rock stars who promote charities;" "On or fictional. For each dilemma, ask "How could respect the negative side, society tends to put people on a play a part in this dilemma?" pedestal when they earn a great deal of respect and this Conduct the role plays. Thank the actors. Discuss what can backfire, such as when a politician commits an act participants liked about the respectful solutions. of corruption." Another example: "On the positive side, we may feel like a good person if we respect our elders; ACTIVITY 4: RESPECT ROLE on the negative side, if an elder treats others MODELS (10 MINUTES) disrespectfully, we may not hold them accountable for their behavior because we do not want to disrespect an Materials for Activity elder." If youth offer observations about respect that are • A large, soft ball or a small pillow 51

Preparation for Activity o Have you ever experienced circumstances where it would have been helpful for you to • Read Alternate Activity 3, which offers an show more respect? extension of this activity. If you have time, you may wish to substitute Alternate Activity 3 here. o What are the areas of your life now where Description of Activity you could practice respect to help you be the person you want to be? Youth identify respect role models. Description of Activity Introduce this activity by saying there are different levels Participants understand how the use of respect affects of respect. We may try to respect all life because of its their lives. "inherent worth and dignity." People earn additional respect from us by their actions. Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or Invite the group to form a circle. Everyone should think meditate on the questions. of people or groups they respect and why they respect them. When the pillow or ball is tossed to them, they Additional prompts you may add, while the group should name someone they respect and why. There are journals: no right or wrong answers. The respected role models • Are there individuals or groups of individuals may be someone they know, someone famous, or just that make respect a challenge? If so, what someone they heard about. For example, a participant would help you to feel at least basic respect for could say, "My history teacher is a respect role model them? because he encourages people to voice different opinions in class discussion." After they speak, the • Are your friends respectful to others or do they participant throws the ball to someone else. like to put people down? If they frequently insult and disrespect others, how does this make you End the game by asking the group to identify feel? What should you do about it? commonalities they heard in the respect role model sharing. • How do fortune and fame influence whether or not we respect someone? Who does society or ACTIVITY 5: PRACTICE (20 our peers tell us to respect and why? MINUTES) • On what do you base your level of respect? Do Materials for Activity you respect someone more because they behave in virtuous ways? Do you respect • Newsprint, markers, and tape someone more because they attain high levels • Participants' journals, and writing instruments of success in their chosen fields? Does the high school athlete being recruited by several • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop colleges get more respect than the second 1, Activity 3, Practice) string player or does the first chair violinist • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other deserve more respect than the last chair player? decorations • What does our first Principle ("The inherent • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors worth and dignity of every person") say about the importance of respect to us as people of Preparation for Activity faith? • If needed, read instructions for making the • Is respect necessary for true feelings of anklets in the Before You Start section of the compassion? program Introduction and in Workshop 1, Decision Making. After five minutes, ask participants to stop. Invite volunteers to share journal writing, to their level of • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, comfort. When sharing is complete or after ten minutes, and participants' journals if these are also kept distribute participants' clipboards, new beads (one per on-site. youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to take the • Write on newsprint, and post: next five minutes to decorate a bead while reflecting on their personal experiences with respect. Remind them When was a time that you practiced o that the bead will act as a reminder to use the virtue of respect? respect. o What made it possible for you to practice respect in this instance? 52

As participants finish, have them add this bead to the Invite the youth to choose the live actors or animated anklet they started in Workshop 1. characters option for a video they will make for younger children (or, if they have only one option, briefly tell them If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with about it). a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and instruction to begin their anklet. Engage the group to write a script. Brainstorm to identify three or four scenarios younger children might Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making encounter where respectful behavior should be materials, and store for the next workshop. encouraged. One way to demonstrate respect is to show CLOSING (5 MINUTES) a scene where someone is disrespectful and then show the scene again, demonstrating respect. Humor, flashy Materials for Activity or outrageous costumes and props can make the videos • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- more fun. Consider inviting congregational adults of operated candle various ages to play roles. • Taking It Home (included in this document) Choose a venue to show the videos. You might work the videos into a children's chapel or congregational worship Preparation for Activity service. Post them online, perhaps on your • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for congregation's website or Facebook page or on all participants. YouTube, to give the videos a longer life and a wider audience. Arrange with your religious educator for the • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for youth to show the video to a group of younger children a volunteer to read. and to lead a discussion about respect afterward. Description of Activity Encourage the youth to invite the children to share other Have a volunteer read the quotation while another situations where they have witnessed respect or extinguishes the chalice. disrespect. The respect that is only bought by gold is not LEADER REFLECTION AND worth much. — Frances Ellen Watkins Harper PLANNING Distribute Taking It Home. Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. Which activities did the group enjoy the most? Were varied FAITH IN ACTION: RESPECT VIDEOS learning styles addressed? When volunteers were Materials for Activity sought, did any of the quieter participants step forward? Are there participants who always volunteer, always • A variety of costumes and props need to speak first, and perhaps need to step back a • Optional: A video camera bit? How will you handle asking participants to "step forward" or "step back" without singling out individuals • Optional: A computer with Internet connection and putting them on the spot? If the group covenant Preparation for Activity includes this, refer to the covenant. • Two options are suggested for creating respect Are participants treating one another in respectful ways? videos: live actors on film or cartoons created If not always, discuss how you can use the learnings using software available on the Internet. Verify from this workshop to remind the group, in the future, to the feasibility of both options before offering the be respectful. Do co-leaders feel their contributions are youth a choice. respected? • For the cartoon option, explore Nawmal Read the next workshop for any advance preparation software online or Microsoft Agent Scripting needed and decide who will be responsible for what. Helper (MASH), which is freeware that can be downloaded to use with the Microsoft Agent (c) TAKING IT HOME application. The soul that is within me no man can degrade. • Test electronic equipment before the workshop. — Frederick Douglass Description of Activity IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we heard about Joseph The group creates videos for younger children, Jordan, the first ordained African American Universalist demonstrating respectful behavior. minister. We identified aspects of his life that exemplified respect. We named respect role models and acted out respect dilemmas. 53

Explore Respect useful if an experience resonated with many participants. If several challenges are already listed on • The movie Easy A echoes one of the dilemmas the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to presented in this workshop. In the movie, a girl discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. pretends to have sex with male friends to increase their standing among a group of males, You might use these questions to structure a discussion: but, by doing so, she loses other people's • What virtues could this challenge bring into respect. Watch the movie with your peers. Does play? this story reflect reality in your school? Watch it with a parent/caregiver. Does the story reflect • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If their high school experience, too? so, what values? How do they conflict? • The singer Aretha Franklin recorded a famous • What are possible solutions to this challenge? song, "Respect", written by Otis Redding. The Are they equally good? Why or why not? Staple Singers are famous for the song Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in "Respect Yourself." Why do you think respect is hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we a common theme of African American popular want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always music artists? You can read the lyrics of these easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do songs on the Poem Hunter website, along with need to keep trying. lyrics of many other songs about respect. Do you know any of these songs? Listen to a few ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: EASY A, on YouTube if you do not have them on CD. THE MOVIE (120 MINUTES) • Help spread countercultural messages about respect and popularity. One girl's attempt is on Materials for Activity YouTube. Watch meganheartsmakeup video on • DVD of the film Easy A (PG-13, directed by Will respecting yourself and read people's Gluck, 2010) responses, including one from ruauch800. These videos talk mostly about girls and • DVD player and digital projector or large monitor respect. Can you find video messages for boys? Preparation for Activity Do some males also end up in relationships • The movie deals with sexual topics. Preview it to where they are not respected? If you should find determine its suitability for your group. yourself in a relationship where you are not respected, or you know someone who is, seek • Test electronic equipment. resources. If you do not know who to call in your Description of Activity community, you can start with the Love is Respect website. Youth discuss how a contemporary movie for youth represents issues of respect. Role Models Watch the film Easy A. Discuss with group the way high 16 Guidelines for Life, an initiative of The Foundation for school youth are portrayed: Developing Compassion and Wisdom, tries to help people strengthen their moral character with a focus on • Does the movie seem to make a fair many of the virtues that are part of this program, representation? including respect, loyalty, forgiveness, courage, and • What about the sexual double standard the humility. Find the page with bios of two respect role movie portrays? Is this accurate for your peer models. group? At your school, are females and males ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE expected to earn respect in different ways? CHALLENGES • Are male and female characters three- dimensional—that is, like real people you might Materials for Activity know—or are they a bit cartoonish? • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening • Could you see a story like this happening in your Description of Activity school? Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. • What do you think of the decisions the youth in the film make? Who acts with respect? Who If someone shared an experience in check-in or during acts with integrity? Who uses moderation? any workshop activities that the group would like to explore further, do so now. This could be particularly 54

ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: RESPECT the group might ease feelings of embarrassment. Using humor might, too.] ROLE MODELS, PART 2 Distribute paper and drawing implements, and invite Materials for Activity participants to create a poster of someone they admired • Drawing paper and drawing implements when they were younger. Their choice can be real or including color markers, multicultural skin tone fictional, human or not human. It can be Barney, the markers, crayons, and/or color pencils purple dinosaur or Eleanor Roosevelt. Assure the group that accurate drawing ability is not important; they may Description of Activity write labels on their drawings. Tell the group: After ten minutes, invite volunteers to share their poster. Frances Ellen Watkins Harper, one of our faith Ask the youth if they still admire the object of their ancestors, said, "The respect that is only bought childhood admiration. What qualities in the object are by gold is not worth much." admirable? Do they respect the object of their admiration? If they do, why? Is the respect based on the Invite the group to respond to Harper's quotation: object's inherent worth and dignity only, or also their • What do you think about this? actions? What actions has the object of their admiration done that the participant finds worthy of respect? • What messages do we receive in society about the relationship between wealth and respect? Including All Participants Can you give some examples? If the group includes a youth with limited sight or fine • Can money buy respect? Can fame buy motor ability who cannot make and share a two- respect? Can power buy respect? Is the respect dimensional drawing, have a volunteer partner with the that comes from money, fame, or power true youth in sharing verbal descriptions of someone they respect? each admired when they were younger.

Continue: Sometimes when a person who is wealthy, famous, or powerful commits an act that is not virtuous, no one holds them accountable. Do we allow the rich and mighty to act badly out of respect for them? Or maybe out of fear, or envy? Society has other benchmarks that designate those who should receive respect—even if their actions are disrespectful of others. These include people with degrees of higher learning, and people in certain professions where they hold some expertise or authority, such as a physician, or a judge. This is not to say that all rich, famous, powerful, and well-educated people act badly. The question is: Do some people get more respect than others? Do they deserve it? And if so, why? Ask the youth if they have ever displayed posters of people they admired on their bedroom walls. Ask whom the posters depicted. Ask if admiration is the same as respect. If it is different, how is it different? What about the relationship between respect and envy? Do we ever get these feelings confused? Do you think some people admire certain sports figures and movie stars because of their abilities, or are envious of their nice salaries and extravagant lifestyles? [Most of us have felt admiration for someone based on their wealth, fame, or power, at one time or another; if you have, too, sharing this with 55

STORY: BUILDING RESPECT: REVEREND JOSEPH JORDAN (1842-1901) By Janeen Grohsmeyer. When Joseph Jordan (pronounced Jerden) was born in Virginia in 1842, slavery was still legal. Most people of African descent were treated as property, like horses or dogs. They were bought and sold; they had no rights. Whether enslaved or free, people of color were not treated with respect. Joseph had been born free, in a small community on the Elizabeth River. He learned to read and write. At a young age, he began to work on the river harvesting oysters, alongside the men. When he was twenty-one, he moved to the city of Norfolk. Joseph found work, first as a laborer, then as a grocer, and finally as a carpenter, building furniture and houses with his hands. He married Indianna Brown, and they had three children and built a new life together. The Civil War had ended by now. Slavery was gone, and many other people also needed to build new lives. Joseph worked hard. He bought land and built more houses, which he rented to other families. But even though people could no longer be bought and sold, true freedom had not yet arrived for African Americans. The laws were unfair, and it was hard for African Americans to find places to live, or good jobs, or schools of any kind. Joseph had become a Baptist minister, and when he preached on Sundays he sometimes spoke of the sins of the white oppressors, and how God would surely punish them by sending them to burn in hell for all eternity. Then a friend gave Joseph a book, The Plain Guide to Universalism, and he read of God's promise of salvation to all: the powerless and the powerful, the oppressed and their oppressors alike. Universalism said that everyone, no matter who they were or what they had done, was a child of God. Joseph also knew that Jesus had said: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." So Joseph stopped preaching a message of vengeance, and he began preaching a message of respect and love. Joseph wanted to learn more about the Universalist faith, so he went to Philadelphia to study with a Universalist minister at a Universalist church. The people there treated him as a person instead of a thing, as a fellow child of God, as someone worthy of respect. The seven members of the Universalist Ordaining Council found him to have a "clear and bright mind" and gave him a unanimous recommendation. On the thirty-first of March 1889, Joseph Jordan officially became a Universalist minister, the first African American to be ordained by the Universalist denomination. Joseph returned to Norfolk, Virginia and opened the First Universalist Church of Norfolk in a rented room. He built the pulpit with his own hands. His friend Thomas Wise, who was the second African American to be a Universalist minister, founded another mission in the nearby town of Suffolk. The congregations grew quickly, and with the help of donations from other Universalist churches, the Universalists in Virginia soon built new meetinghouses and schools. Dozens of African American children came to learn, for there were few other schools available to them. Joseph knew that education was vital and would help provide people with lives of dignity and purpose. Joseph worked every day, teaching during the week and preaching on Sundays, sharing the Universalist message of God's love for everyone. Joseph Jordan died in 1901, when he was fifty-nine years old. Over many decades, the churches and schools Joseph Jordan helped build gave thousands of families in Virginia a chance to learn and a place to be treated with respect.

LEADER RESOURCE 1: RESPECT DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 People, especially women and girls, are often told to respect their bodies and themselves by rejecting pressure to have sex when they do not want to. Saying "no" is associated with good self-esteem and sexual health. However, other messages in society, especially messages aimed at men and boys, encourage sexual activity. In certain groups, peer respect is gained by the number of sexual "conquests" you claim. When there is a double standard—two different sets of rules—for the male and female genders, how does a young person decide which path to pursue for respect? If you do not want to be sexually active, how do you handle a partner who feels they need to be sexually active to garner respect from their peers? Do you have to end the relationship? Dilemma 2 Someone you have had a crush on for months is finally paying attention to you. One afternoon, you are home alone and they call to ask if they may come over. You know your family is not crazy about you having guests when they are not home, but there is not a rule that says you can't. When your crush arrives, you are having a great time until your crush does something that is off limits at your house and which you consider dangerous and/or not smart. Perhaps they pull out a cigarette and start smoking. Maybe they are diving into the shallow end of the pool or making crank phone calls to 911. What do you do? Do you express your feelings and tell them that behavior is off limits? If so, how do you do that in a respectful way? Dilemma 3 Your beloved grandparent makes a racist or homophobic joke or starts to rant about how undocumented immigrants are ruining our country. Other family members are silent. What do you do? To whom do you show respect? How do you show it? Dilemma 4 You are a high school senior. After graduating, you plan to enter the Air Force. This will help your family pay for your college education, and prepare you to help defend your country, should the need arise. You tell your best friend, who calls you a warmonger and says you are making a bad decision. What do you do? To whom do you show respect? How do you show it?

FIND OUT MORE Read more about Rev. Joseph Jordan on the websites of the Harvard Square Library and the Dictionary of Unitarian and Universalist Biography. The Respect Institute encourages the spread of respect across generations, read their "respect basics." Find food for thought in definitions, synonyms, and reflections on respect on the Emotional Competency website.

of a Thousand WORKSHOP 5: FAIRNESS Activity 3: Dilemma 10 Activity 4: Practice 15 INTRODUCTION Faith in Action: Designing a Fairness Game 40 The future, which we hold in trust for our own children, will be shaped by our fairness to other Closing 5 people's children. — Marian Wright Edelman Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges This workshop focuses on fairness. Because some lists of virtues include justice and not fairness, the workshop Alternate Activity 2: Tug of War 10 touches on justice, also. Here is the challenge before us: How do we instill the SPIRITUAL PREPARATION virtues of fairness and justice, when youth can see our Can you remember your first experience with unfairness society confers fortune and fame on those who do not or injustice? Perhaps it was something personal and treat everyone fairly? How do we help youth understand small, such as a sibling receiving a treat you were the greater reward in shifting the arc of the universe— denied. Maybe it was a larger injustice, such as noticing even just a tiny bit—toward justice? that some people in your community were rich while others were poor. Can you remember what that felt like GOALS to realize that not everyone plays fair, or that sometimes This workshop will: people (and groups) are greatly rewarded for their unfair practices? • Examine the meaning of fairness Youth often have a very strong love of justice, and, like • Explore situations where fairness is exhibited or you, these youth will have heard many times that "the called for world is not fair" and will have been challenged to "play • Guide youth to identify themselves as fair, just fair." They understand that injustice exists in the world people. and often feel driven to eradicate it. Was that your experience as a youth? What was that like? Were you LEARNING OBJECTIVES encouraged? Or were you told—explicitly or implicitly— that you were powerless to change unfairness in the Participants will: world? • Explore the meaning of fairness Check in with yourself: Is your love of justice still strong • Learn about Lotta Hitschmanova, Czech- and and vital to your faith and daily life? How can you plan to Jewish-born refugee who escaped Nazism, facilitate today's workshop in a way that grows youth's immigrated to Canada, and directed the passion for justice and fairness? Remember those who Unitarian Service Committee of Canada's work encouraged the virtue of fairness in you, and honor their in international aid spirit by dedicating your work today to them. • Discuss dilemmas where fairness is tested • Identify ways they do or could practice fairness, and commit to the future practice of fairness in their lives. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 40

Activity 1: Up Side, Down Side 10

Activity 2: Story — Lotta Hitschmanova, Mother 10 59

Invite the winners to sit in front of the group. Ask what OPENING (40 MINUTES) enabled them to win: Chance? Skill? Previous Materials for Activity experience with the game? Determination? Intelligence? Ask if the game was fair. If not, why was it not fair? • For Fairness Game. Board games such as Monopoly (C), Hi Ho Cherry-o (C), and Jenga If the game involved chance (such as a card game or a (C), and several decks of playing cards; game with dice or spinners), ask if chance is fair. If (optional) miscellaneous game pieces, such as chance is not fair, does it at least attempt to "level the playing cards, tokens, dice, timekeeping playing field?" devices, and spinners Say that being fair sounds easy, but it often is not. • Newsprint, markers, and tape People come to the game with different skills and gifts. Some have good fine motor skills. Others are good at • Chalice, candle and lighter or LED battery- thinking and planning ahead. It is hard to design any operated candle experience that is fair in that it enables everyone to use • Group covenant (Workshop 1) their own abilities to compete evenly with everyone else. • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet Ask for any observations from the group about games (Workshop 1) and fairness. Now, gather the group for the workshop Opening. Invite • Optional: Faith in Action: Designing a Fairness a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the group Game to recite the chalice lighting words: • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life The thought manifests as the word Challenges (included in this document) The word manifests as the deed; Preparation for Activity The deed develops into habit; • The Fairness Game requires the first 25 minutes And habit hardens into character; of this 40-minute Opening. If you have an extra So watch the thought and its ways with care, 15 minutes, you might like to use the Faith in And let it spring from love Action activity, Designing a Fairness Game, Born out of concern for all beings... instead of this version of the Fairness Game. As the shadow follows the body, As we think, so we become. • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you Buddha think you will have time and you observe that youth want to discuss challenges shared in their Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral check-in. challenges they have experienced since the last meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further • Post the chalice lighting words. explore the group's challenges. If youth appear • Post the group covenant. interested in discussing a particular challenge but you feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in person who shared it to write a short description of the Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of challenge on the Bicycle Rack. newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. Description of Activity ACTIVITY 1: UP SIDE, DOWN SIDE Youth experience and discuss the presence of fairness (10 MINUTES) in games, then open the workshop. Materials for Activity Tell the group that because they have worked so hard in • Newsprint, markers, and tape previous workshops, today they have earned free time. Preparation for Activity Say you would like them to spend the time together as a group or at least in teams. Invite them to form teams and • Post two sheets of newsprint, one labeled play any of the board games or a game with the playing "Fairness: Up Side," the other labeled "Fairness: cards. You and your co-leader can join. Let play Down Side." continue as long as possible, at least 15 minutes. At the • Post a third sheet, headed "Does fairness end of your time, ask each game team to declare a mean... " and write: "Treat everyone the same?" winner. "Proper under the rules?" and "Free from bias, dishonesty, or injustice?" 60

Description of Activity question and think about answers that make sense to them. Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the virtue of fairness. ACTIVITY 2: STORY — LOTTA Affirm that the group will explore fairness. Invite youth to HITSCHMANOVA, MOTHER OF A sit for a moment and think about "fairness" as a virtue. Indicate the possible definitions you have posted on THOUSAND (10 MINUTES) newsprint. Lead a discussion; these prompts may be Materials for Activity useful: • Story, "Lotta Hitschmanova, Mother of a • What have you been told about fairness, or Thousand (included in this document) " being fair: What it means, when to use it, when • Leader Resource 3, Lotta Hitschmanova not to use it? (included in this document) • How would you define "fair?" • The Unitarian Universalist Principles, poster or • Who defines what is fair and what is not? Does handout it mean different things to different people? How • Optional: Newsprint, markers, and tape do you know if you have treated someone fairly? • Optional: Computer with Internet connection and • Is there anyone you admire who regularly uses digital projector or large monitor fairness? Preparation for Activity • Do you have friends and/or family members who consistently act unfair? How do you feel when • Read the story so you can present it effectively. you are around these people? • Print the Leader Resource to show participants. • What does "play fair" mean? Have you ever • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. been told to play fair? Have you ever played with someone who does not play fair? Do you • Optional: If you are not copying the story, create always play fair? Why or why not? the time line on a handout and copy for participants, or create the time line on • Sometimes people say, "The world is not fair." newsprint, and post. Do you agree? Whether you agree or not, do you think belief in this statement might influence • Optional: Set up a computer with Internet one's actions? In other words, might thinking the access to browse the USC website with the world is unfair make one more or less likely to group. Alternatively, download material from the act fair? USC website or request sample materials. • What are the advantages of trying to be fair Description of Activity always? What disadvantages? Youth learn about a faith ancestor who worked for fairness. • What other questions come to mind when you think about fairness? Show Leader Resource 3, Lotta Hitschmanova, to participants. Then, tell or read the story and discuss it Encourage participants to discuss these and other with these questions: questions about fairness while writing comments on the newsprint. The "Up Side" is for positive remarks about • How did fairness play a part in Lotta's life and fairness; the "Down Side", for negative. Review the career choice? comments on the newsprint. • How do you think Lotta felt helping to secure Conclude with the following: visas for other people when her own visa was denied? What does it say about her character We know we should try to be fair in our day-to- that she did this? day lives. Fairness is commonly listed as a virtue. However, some lists of virtues, for • Look at the time line. Can you see Lotta's sense example Plato's Four Classic Virtues, list justice, of fairness growing throughout her life? How did but not fairness. How do you define justice? Do she take a sense of personal fairness in her you think there is a difference between justice daily life and grow it into justice work that and fairness? Is there a relationship? touches millions of lives? Remind participants you are not looking for right or • When you think of what you would like to do in wrong answers, but want to encourage youth to ask the your adult life, what role does fairness play? 61

• Margaret Mead, a famous anthropologist, has role play actors to rehearse, away from the an often-repeated quote: "Never doubt that a regular meeting space. small group of thoughtful, committed citizens Description of Activity can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." Do you believe this? Can it be Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. applied to one person instead of a group? Did Seek a volunteer to read one of the dilemmas. Open the Lotta do her work alone? Can you think of other floor to reactions and answers. Ask participants if this examples of people who witnessed unfairness reminds them of other dilemmas they have encountered and started organizations or gathered a group of or heard of, real or fictional. For each dilemma, ask people to help them alleviate unfairness? "How could fairness play a part in this dilemma?" • Which of our UU Principles says something If you have time, invite volunteers to role play the about fairness (or justice)? dilemmas, as in Workshop 4. • When is it hardest to be fair? Easiest? ACTIVITY 4: PRACTICE (15 • What inspires you about this story? MINUTES) Ask the youth if any had heard of the Unitarian Service Materials for Activity Committee of Canada (USC) before hearing this story? If you have pre-arranged to do so, visit the Canadian • Newsprint, markers, and tape USC website and/or review their materials with the youth • Participants' journals, and writing instruments now. Let the group know that our Canadian cousins were part of the Unitarian Universalist Association until • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop recently, but now have their own, unique organization. 1, Activity 3, Practice) Note that Universalism is a distinctly American religion • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other and is not part of the Canadian Unitarians' name. decorations Unitarianism is more widely found in other countries. However, what is called Unitarianism in other countries • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors is not always the same as what we think of when we say Preparation for Activity "Unitarian Universalism." • If needed, read instructions for making the If you have time, view the Canadian USC material anklets in the Before You Start section of the alongside the website or print publications of the program Introduction and in Workshop 1, Unitarian Universalist Service Committee (UUSC). What Decision Making. differences do you see? [Answers may include the USC's focus on food and farming, materials in French, • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, no "Universalism" in their name.] What similarities? and participants' journals if these are also kept [Answers may include 1) both work for justice all over on-site. the world, and 2) gender equality is a focus for both • Write on newsprint, and post: groups.] o When was there a time that you practiced ACTIVITY 3: DILEMMA (10 MINUTES) fairness? Materials for Activity o What made it possible for you to be fair in this instance? • Leader Resource 1, Fairness Dilemmas (included in this document) o Have you ever experienced circumstances where it would have been helpful for you to • Optional: Workshop 4, Respect practice fairness? Preparation for Activity o What are the areas of your life now where • Adapt the Leader Resource to include the you could practice fairness to help you be dilemmas you plan to use in this activity. Make the person you want to be? copies—for yourself, (optional) for volunteer Description of Activity role-players, and, if you wish, for all participants. Participants understand how the practice of fairness • Optional: Review Workshop 4, Activity 3 and affects their lives. decide whether you would like the youth to role play one or more dilemmas. Find a space for the Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or meditate on the questions. 62

Additional prompts you may add, while the group • Board games such as Monopoly (C), Hi Ho journals: Cherry-o (C), and Jenga (C), and several decks of playing cards • Is capitalism a fair economic system? Why or why not? • Miscellaneous game pieces, such as playing cards, tokens, dice, timekeeping devices, and • What about our courts: They say justice is blind. spinners What does this mean? Does this blindness lead to fairness? Description of Activity After five minutes, ask participants to stop. Invite Participants reflect on the presence of fairness in games volunteers to share journal writing, to their level of and design a fair game. comfort. When sharing is complete or after five minutes, Note: Part 1 of this activity is the same as the Fairness distribute participants' clipboards, new beads (one per Game segment of the workshop Opening. youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to take the next five minutes to decorate a bead while reflecting on Part 1. Tell the group that because they have worked so their personal experiences with fairness. Remind them hard in previous workshops, today they have earned that the beads will act as a reminder to use their highest free time. Say you would like them to spend the time values. together as a group or at least in teams. Invite them to form teams and play any of the board games or a game As participants finish, have them add this bead to the with the playing cards. You and your co-leader can join. anklet they started in Workshop 1. Let play continue as long as possible, at least 20 If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with minutes. At the end of your time, ask each game team to a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and declare a winner. instruction to begin their anklet. Invite the winners to sit in front of the group. Ask what Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making enabled them to win: Chance? Skill? Previous materials, and store for the next workshop. experience with the game? Determination? Intelligence? CLOSING (5 MINUTES) Ask if the game was fair. If a game involved chance (such as a card game or a Materials for Activity game with dice or spinners), ask if chance is fair. If • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- chance is not fair, does it at least attempt to "level the operated candle playing field?" • Taking It Home (included in this document) Say that being fair sounds easy, but it often is not. Preparation for Activity People come to a game with different skills and gifts. Some have good fine motor skills. Others are good at • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for thinking and planning ahead. It is hard to design any all participants. experience that is fair in that it enables everyone to use • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for their own abilities to compete evenly with everyone else. a volunteer to read. Part 2. Can the group name games that truly are fair Description of Activity and do not involve chance? Invite them to design one. Have a volunteer read the quotation while another If the group is larger than eight, break into smaller extinguishes the chalice. groups. Indicate the materials you have brought for them to use, and, if appropriate, direct them toward materials Learn to look with an equal eye upon all things, outside your meeting space. Say: seeing the one Self in all. — Srimand Bhagavatam, author The goal is to design a completely fair non-chance- based game. It should be accessible to everyone. It Distribute Taking It Home. should be able to be completed within ten minutes or in FAITH IN ACTION: DESIGNING A rounds that last no more than ten minutes. Give teams ten minutes to design the games and two minutes each FAIRNESS GAME (40 MINUTES) to explain their game to the larger group. Ask for any Materials for Activity observations from the group about games and fairness. • Newsprint, markers, and tape Variation If you have enough time and all the necessary materials, play each game. 63

LEADER REFLECTION AND a soup kitchen or the Martin Luther King Day March or PRIDE Parade. You can customize PLANNING them with the name of your congregation, too. Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. Did the Fairness Dilemmas workshop include enough physical activity for this group? Are youth sharing their personal ethical and Remember this dilemma from today's workshop? moral dilemmas? Make sure you always leave room to As part of an experiment, you are offered $100. discuss these during the workshop. There are two stipulations to the offer: 1) You Is the group starting to bond? If not, perhaps some time must share it with a partner. However, you to play games or an extended check-in is in order for the decide how much to keep and how much to next few workshops. share. 2) If your partner refuses their share, neither of you gets a penny. How much do you Read the next workshop for any advance preparation offer your partner? 50/50? What if the partner needed and decide who will be responsible for what. says, "I won't accept anything less than $90." TAKING IT HOME What do you do? The future, which we hold in trust for our own ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE children, will be shaped by our fairness to other CHALLENGES people's children. — Marian Wright Edelman Materials for Activity IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we learned about the life of • one of our Canadian Unitarian ancestors, Lotta "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening Hitschmanova. We talked about whether everyday Description of Activity games we play are fair, and how fairness relates to Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. justice. If someone shared an experience in check-in or during

Leveling the Playing Field any workshop activities that the group would like to • When it is time to pick a leader or who goes first explore further, do so now. This could be particularly in a game, how do you choose? The person for useful if an experience resonated with many whom it has been the longest since they were participants. If several challenges are already listed on first? Rock/Paper/Scissors? Dealing out cards the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to until the first diamond is dealt? Shortest straw? discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. Can you think of some creative ways that are You might use these questions to structure a discussion: just as random? How about the person with the most consonants in their name? The person • What virtues could this challenge bring into who has saved the most "Sent" messages in play? their cell phone? The person who can open a • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If phone book or a dictionary the closest to page so, what values? How do they conflict? 100? • What are possible solutions to this challenge? • No country in the world has a perfect justice Are they equally good? Why or why not? system, if for no other reason than that people are not perfect. Many organizations around the Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in world advocate for justice for the imprisoned hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we and wrongfully accused. Amnesty International want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always is one such organization. So is the Southern easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do Poverty Law Center. Visit these websites and need to keep trying. read about the cases they support and how you can help. ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: TUG OF • Standing on the Side of Love (SSL) is a WAR (10 MINUTES) Unitarian Universalist campaign to spread love Materials for Activity and justice. Visit the website. Does your • congregation visibly stand on the side of love by Leader Resource 2, The Tee Shirt Pull (included demonstrating or marching in public? Your in this document) youth group might start a congregational trend • A long rope by purchasing SSL shirts and wearing them during group justice activities, such as serving at 64

Preparation for Activity • Read the scenario presented in Leader Resource 2. If needed, adapt the numbers so this activity will work with your group. Print the Leader Resource—one copy for you, one for a volunteer reader. • Set up an open space where the group can safely play tug-of-war. Description of Activity Tell the group: Sometimes it does not matter what is fair, but how much pull you have. Ask the youth to name experiences they have had where "pull" mattered. Keep their examples in mind as possible scenarios to use if you decide to play tug of war more than once. Invite the group to explore how "pull" ("influence") works by playing a game of tug of war. Ask for a volunteer to read a scenario aloud. Tell the group that by the end of this activity, everyone will have a role. Have the volunteer read the scenario from Leader Resource 2, The Tee Shirt Pull. As each character is introduced, identify the required number of volunteer to join the tug of war on the appropriate side of the rope. After the game, ask how a game of tug of war can be made more balanced and fair. Does evening the numbers make for a fair competition? Tell the group that this dilemma really happened and it played out in a similar fashion. Whom were participants cheering for in the game? Did they feel their side won? Was the winning fair? Have there been times that winning is so important that you don't care whether it is fair or not? Talk more about these situations. Distinguish the different values that are clashing. Acknowledge that though being fair is extremely important, there may be times that other values may be more important. If time permits, play again with a scenario suggested by youth.

STORY: LOTTA HITSCHMANOVA, MOTHER OF A THOUSAND By Janeen Grohsmeyer. A century ago, when Lotta Hitschmanova was young, she lived with her sister Lilly and their mother and father in a spacious home in the ancient city of Prague. Their nanny spoke to them in Czech, the language of the local people, their governess spoke to them in French, and their mother and father spoke to them in English, German, Italian, or Spanish, depending on the day. Lotta studied Latin and Greek at school. "Learn to speak with different people," her mother said, "and you will go far." When Lotta was twenty-three, she traveled to France and studied political science and journalism at the Sorbonne University. But in 1938, soon after she came home to Prague, the Nazis invaded her country. In her articles for the newspaper, Lotta wrote against the Nazis. "It is not fair," she wrote, "for them to take our country and our homes." But the Nazis took what they wanted and killed those who disagreed. So, Lotta left her home and her family, and traveled to Belgium. Soon, the Nazis invaded Belgium. Lotta went to France and tried to get a visa so she could travel to the United States, far across the ocean. She was denied a visa, but she worked in an office helping other people to leave, speaking to them in their own languages. She began working with the Unitarian Service Committee, and when the Nazis invaded France, the Service Committee helped Lotta escape. In 1942, she sailed across the Atlantic Ocean to Canada, where she settled in Ottawa and joined a Unitarian church. But Lotta did not forget the people who were still in Europe, the people caught in a terrible war. With her knowledge of many languages, she translated documents and letters, helping her new country fight the Nazis. She also traveled around Canada, speaking at churches and public meetings, asking for food, medicine, blankets and clothing to send to the people whose countries were being destroyed by war. In 1945, the war against the Nazis ended, but the need for help didn't end. Thousands of people, many of them children, were hungry or wounded and had no place to live. Lotta Hitschmanova helped to create the Unitarian Service Committee of Canada, and her work went on. "We have much," she told the people in Canada. "The war refugees have nothing, and that is not fair." Canadians gave money, food, and clothes, and Lotta took it all to Europe to share. There, she gave the people what she had. Then she asked them what they needed to take care of themselves. "We must listen first," she said, "then help." In time, and with help, people in Europe rebuilt their countries. But other places and people were still being shattered by war, by drought, by disease: Italy, Japan, Korea, Vietnam, India, Bangladesh, Lesotho, Greece, Jordan, Palestine, Botswana, Indonesia, Nepal. For thirty-five years, Lotta would travel to these places and ask how she could help. Then she would return to Canada, asking for donations and letting people know how they could share. Lotta Hitschmanova devoted her life to helping others. She never married and she never had children of her own. But she was known as the "Mother of a Thousand Orphans" and she created a legacy of love and fairness that lasts to this day. Time Line 1909 Born November 28 in Prague, in today's Czech Republic into a Jewish family 1929-1935 Studies at the Sorbonne in Paris and at Prague University, where she obtains a doctorate in French literature. 1938-1942 As a journalist in Prague, opposes the Nazis and is forced to flee, first to Belgium and then to France 1942 Arrives in Canada as a political refugee 1945 Creates the Canadian branch of the Unitarian Service Committee 1946 Undertakes her first fundraising tour of Canada for the victims of war in France and Czechoslovakia and later in Austria, Greece, and Italy. 1952 Launches an aid program for South Korea and Hong Kong 1955-1980 Launches aid programs in India, Palestine, Vietnam, Jordan, Bangladesh, Botswana, Lesotho, Swaziland, Indonesia, Nepal and Cyprus. 1981 Suffering from the onset of Alzheimer's disease, she retires. 1990 Dies on August 1 in Ottawa, Canada 66

LEADER RESOURCE 1: FAIRNESS DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 As part of an experiment, you are offered $100. There are two stipulations to the offer: 1) You must share it with a partner. However, you decide how much to keep and how much to share. 2) If your partner refuses their share, neither of you gets a penny. How much do you offer your partner? 50/50? What if the partner says, "I won't accept anything less than $90." What do you do? Dilemma 2 Here is a fairness/justice issue you may not have thought about, but will affect you as a young taxpayer. The U.S. has a huge national debt that has been accumulating for decades. It is not new, but it does keep growing. If we do not make major cuts in spending, the future for young Americans seems bleak. Some politicians call for cuts in public programs, saying the government is not responsible for funding such assistance as grants for lower income youth to attend college, contributions to Planned Parenthood, Headstart, and school lunch programs. However, some people say these cuts hurt the most vulnerable members of our society and are unfair. Other politicians say we should cut defense spending and stop offering tax cuts to the wealthy. Very few call for cuts in Medicare. Medicare is a program that supplements the health care costs for citizens over 65. As baby boomers flow into the Medicare system, the cost of maintaining this program will grow exponentially. Many people say it would not be fair to cut Medicare or reduce the number of people who qualify (by raising the qualified age, or cutting benefits to wealthier recipients), because people should be able to rely on Medicare to help them after they retire. What do you think? Cuts need to be made and someone will suffer, no matter what. Who suffers cuts? What is fair? Dilemma 3 Pat, Corey, and Sam all cannot wait to audition for the school musical. They all hope to be cast in the lead. Corey had the lead in the musical last year and was a big hit. The music director decides that Corey can have the lead this year without an audition because Corey will be perfect for the part. What does Corey do? Pat and Sam are waiting by Corey's locker on the day of the audition. "Let's go to the audition together!" they say to Corey. They are both excited at the opportunity to get the lead. What does Corey say to Pat and Sam? How would you feel and react if you were Pat or Sam, and Corey told you they were pre-cast in the lead, without an audition?

LEADER RESOURCE 2: THE TEE SHIRT PULL Main Street High School has a dilemma. A student wears a tee shirt that some people think is inappropriate, but some do not. The dilemma will be solved by a tug-of-war. [Bring out the rope.] A youth wears a tee shirt to school that says, "Gay? Fine by me." [Pick a volunteer to be the tee shirt wearer. Ask them to hold one end of the rope.] A parent sees the tee shirt and is upset about the tee shirt, which they say encourages homosexuality in school. [Choose another volunteer to be the first parent. Position them opposite the tee shirt wearer.] The parent calls two other parents to protest. [Two volunteers join the parent side.] These parents call the principal, who sides with them. [Principal joins parents.] Two friends of the youth start wearing the same tee shirt in protest. [Two volunteers join tee shirt wearer's side.] A youth prints tee shirts saying, "Gay? NOT fine by me." They get their friend to wear it with them. [Two more join the parents' side.] A couple of parents hear about the ruckus and choose to support their children's freedom of speech. [Two volunteers join the tee shirt wearer's side.] The principal takes the issue to the five-member school board, which, hearing mostly from parents, sides with the principal and others who do not want the youth to wear the tee shirt. [Five people join first parent.] The youth contacts the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), who inform the principal that if any tee shirt with words is allowed in school, they must allow "Gay? Fine by me." tee shirts. The ACLU has over 500,000 members. [The rest of the group, including facilitators, join the tee shirt wearer's side. This should make that side the winner. If not, invent reasons for people to defect over to the first youth's side, such as "The school board did not want a lawsuit." or "Parents who loved liberty saw the logic of this and stopped the protest."]

LEADER RESOURCE 3: LOTTA HITSCHMANOVA Used with permission from USC Canada, http://www.DrLotta.ca

FIND OUT MORE Read more about the life of Lotta Hitschmanova at the Canadian Museum of Civilization, the Dictionary of Unitarian and Universalist Biography, The Canadians: Adventures of our People by Margaret Gooding (Toronto: Canadian Unitarian Council, 1985); or Notable American Unitarians. Visible Thinking is a Harvard University program intended to nurture thoughtful students. The website offers many different ways to think about dilemmas, including using fairness and creativity.

Activity 5: Creating a Web 15 WORKSHOP 6: Activity 6: Practice 15 RESPONSIBILITY Faith in Action: Cloth Bags

INTRODUCTION Closing 5 You cannot hope to build a better world without Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for our own improvement and, at Alternate Activity 2: A Sound of Thunder 30 the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid Alternate Activity 3: A Web of Responsibility 15 those to whom we think we can be most useful. — Marie Curie, scientist SPIRITUAL PREPARATION This workshop focuses on responsibility. Youth identify Being responsible can be a burden if we feel we have to responsibilities they already fulfill and gain confidence solve all the world's problems by ourselves. Some about handling future responsibilities. The story and people become overwhelmed by their own sense of activities ask participants to articulate how they are responsibility, and give into feelings of impotence and responsible not only for themselves and their families, become apathetic. Others take responsibility for justice but also for other people and all life that shares our causes to such a degree that they neglect planet. responsibilities to family, friends, or themselves. Moderation is the key. How do you find balance in your GOALS practice of the virtue of responsibility? This workshop will: If responsibility is coinage, how do you spend yours? Are there justice causes you feel dedicated toward, and • Examine the meaning of responsibility others you feel you cannot spend time on? Have you • Explore scenarios in which people's not taking struggled with competing responsibilities? If you have responsibility causes problems insights into what works for you, consider sharing them with the group, in an appropriate manner. • Guide youth to identify themselves as responsible people. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Participants will: • Explore the meaning of responsibility • Discuss dilemmas where responsibility is needed • Identify experiences where they have or have not accepted responsibility, and commit to being responsible in a particular aspect of their life. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 10

Activity 1: Two Sides to Every Virtue 10

Activity 2: Who Is Responsible? 15

Activity 3: Dilemma 10

Activity 4: Story — Paper, Plastic, or Cloth? 10

OPENING (10 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: TWO SIDES TO EVERY Materials for Activity VIRTUE (10 MINUTES) • Newsprint, markers, and tape Description of Activity Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- virtue of responsibility. operated candle Invite youth to sit for a moment and think about • Group covenant (Workshop 1) responsibility as a virtue. These prompts might be • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet useful: (Workshop 1) • What have you been told about responsibility: • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life What it means, when to use it, when not to use Challenges (included in this document) it? Preparation for Activity • What does “irresponsible” mean to you? Have • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. you ever been told that you acted in an Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you irresponsible way? Who decided it was think you will have time and you observe that irresponsible? youth want to discuss challenges shared in their • Is there anyone you admire who is responsible? check-in. • Can someone be too responsible? What does • Post the chalice lighting words. that look like? • Post the group covenant. • To whom, or to what, are you responsible? Who • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in decides? Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of • What other questions come to mind when you newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. think about responsibility? Description of Activity • What happens if responsibility is not Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the moderated? group to recite the chalice lighting words: Invite youth to share their reflections, with statements The thought manifests as the word that start off with “On the positive side…” or “On the The word manifests as the deed; negative side…”. For example, “On the positive side, The deed develops into habit; when I have responsibilities in a group, I feel I truly And habit hardens into character; belong.” or “On the negative side, if I take on too many So watch the thought and its ways with care, responsibilities, I get burned out and then I’m no good to And let it spring from love myself or anybody else.” If youth have statements that Born out of concern for all beings... do not fit either clause, discuss them as a group. As the shadow follows the body, Make sure the discussion covers these points: As we think, so we become. — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the • Sometimes being responsible toward one Buddha person or commitment can cause you to act less responsibly toward someone, or something, Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral else. At times, you may need to balance challenges they have experienced since the last competing responsibilities. meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further explore the group's challenges. If youth appear • The virtue of moderation has a place here, too. interested in discussing a particular challenge but you Everyone must decide for themselves where to feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the place the bar on matters of responsibility. Take person who shared it to write a short description of the the issue of drunk driving. You might be challenge on the Bicycle Rack. responsible to the level of: “I don’t drink and Tell participants that today you will talk about drive.” Or, you might set your bar higher, to the responsibility. level of: “I prevent my friends from driving drunk.” What is the difference? Is there yet another level?

• Encourage the youth to think of responsibility as Could we all agree that we each are responsible, to a coinage. You cannot take on responsibility for great extent, for our own behavior? Maybe so, yet many the entire world. You need to decide which people have a difficult time accepting responsibility responsibilities are most important to you. when their behavior has negative consequences. Some people have a harder time than others. Then, if you ACTIVITY 2: WHO IS RESPONSIBLE? accept responsibility for yourself, your friends, and your (15 MINUTES) family, you will spend more of your “responsibility coinage.” Then, if you widen your circle to include Materials for Activity groups you belong to, like your neighborhood and city, • Newsprint, markers, and tape community organizations, your congregation, that is another layer of responsibility, known as social • Leader Resource 1, Who Does It? (included in responsibility. this document) As you mature, it becomes appropriate for you to accept Preparation for Activity more responsibility. No one would ask a six-year-old to • Read the Leader Resource. If you wish to add make decisions about how to decrease their carbon items to the list, insert them where they belong footprint. However, a child can accept responsibility for in the progression of responsibility the list offers. not littering. As good citizens, we are asked to assume Print the Leader Resource. some responsibility in many areas, including the wellbeing of the planet. At each of these stages, you need to • Prepare two sheets of newsprint. Write “Me” on decided how much coinage to spend and where to one and “Someone Else” on the other. Post at spend it. opposite ends of the room, leaving open floor space in between. Ask: Description of Activity Who has an example of a decisions about how to spend Participants acknowledge the responsibilities they “responsibility coinage? When could choices related to already carry and observe the responsibilities of their responsibility be difficult or stressful for you? peers. ACTIVITY 3: DILEMMA (10 MINUTES) Indicate the two newsprint sheets you have posted. Tell the youth you will read items and ask youth to move to Materials for Activity the “Me” sheet if they have responsibility for the activity • Leader Resource 2, Responsibility Dilemmas all the time, stand in the middle if they have (included in this document) responsibility sometimes, and move to the “Someone Preparation for Activity Else” sheet if they never have responsibility for it. • Print the Leader Resource for yourself and Read the first item. Once the youth choose sides, allow volunteer readers. some discussion. Continue until you have read all the items on the list. Description of Activity Process with these questions: Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. • Your level of responsibility has probably Seek a volunteer to read one of the two scenarios. Open increased with age. What responsibilities did the floor to reactions and answers. Ask participants if you have when you were six? Ten? this reminds them of other dilemmas encountered or that they have heard of, real or fictional. How could • When you are given a new responsibility, did responsibility play a part in this dilemma? What are someone show you how to carry out your some of the reason people act in ways that seem responsibility? irresponsible? • What happens when you do not do the acts you ACTIVITY 4: STORY — PAPER, are responsible for? PLASTIC, OR CLOTH? (10 MINUTES) • What responsibilities do you anticipate gaining over the next few years? Materials for Activity • Have you even been given a responsibility you • Story, "Paper, Plastic or Cloth?" (included in this did not feel ready for? document) Preparation for Activity Share, in these words or your own: • Read the story and prepare to present it. 73

• Optional: Copy the story for all participants. Preparation for Activity Description of Activity • Alternate Activity 3, A Web of Responsibility, a Participants consider how to act responsibly as stewards longer version of this activity, results in a large of the planet, by hear and discussing a story. mural. Read both activities and choose one. Read or tell the story. • Print Leader Resource 3. Cut apart the quotations (18 are provided) and place in a Lead a discussion, with these questions: basket. • What reasons are stated for why the Tanzanian • Identify a table surface or open floor space to government wants to decrease the use of plastic display the yarn web this activity creates, at bags? Were any of these reasons new to you? least through this workshop. • Do you believe plastic bags cause similar Description of Activity problems to the ecology of our community? Participants learn an earth-centered religious Why, or why not? perspective on our responsibility to each other and to • Do you think legislation is a good way to insure the earth and experience interconnectedness by playing more responsible ecological behavior? What a game. other ways might work? Say, in these words or your own: Ask the youth for their observations about paper, plastic, Our seventh UU Principle says we agree to and cloth shopping bags. Allow some comments, then affirm and promote respect for the say: interdependent web of all existence of which we Not too many years ago, there was a movement are a part. This Principle recognizes the strong to return to the use of paper bags instead of identification many Unitarian Universalists feel plastic. Then, the movement toward cloth bags with earth-centered or pagan beliefs. These moved into the mainstream of American life. religions—many with roots in the ancient religions of indigenous people—emphasize our In terms of what we eat, people started connection to the earth. The earth is a living demanding organic food in order to ingest fewer creation and our home; therefore, we are chemicals. But some organic food has to be responsible to help sustain and protect it. shipped long distances, creating a heavy carbon footprint. Now many people advocate for eating Since we are all citizens of the living planet, we locally. Yet, sometimes local fruits, vegetables, are all connected: to each other, to our animal and dairy products in the grocery store cost and plant siblings, too. Our way of being should much more than non-local items. This means respect these connections. We are responsible people with lower incomes may have to choose: to each other and all living things. Should I be responsible to the earth, or to my Invite participants to pick quotes from the basket and household budget? then gather in a circle. Holding the ball of yarn, read Every day we are learning more about how your quotation aloud, then wrap the yarn around your production and consumption of our food and wrist 3 or 4 times. Invite someone across the circle to other goods affect the earth. Is it hard to read their quotation. When they have finished, toss them sometimes know which action is most the ball of yarn. Have them wrap the yarn around their responsible towards the earth? How do we find wrist, then choose someone else to read a quotation. a balance—use moderation—when we have to Continue until everyone has had a turn. Have the last make decisions about being ecologically reader toss the yarn back to you. responsible? Say, in these words or your own: ACTIVITY 5: CREATING A WEB (15 We are connected. The web of existence means MINUTES) my actions affect you and your actions me and our actions affect the planet. Materials for Activity We are responsible. I am responsible to you and • Leader Resource 3, We Are Connected you are responsible to me and we are (included in this document) and a basket responsible to the living planet, the only home • A ball of yarn we have.

Ask participants to think of ways they act responsibly: for Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the themselves, one another, other life forms, or the planet questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or as a whole. An example might include, "I compost to meditate on the questions. return nutrients to the earth." Go first, to model: State Additional prompts you may add, while the group your example, then carefully untangle yourself from the journals: web without letting go of the yarn. Have volunteers take turns; encourage the group to keep the web intact. After • Is it always clear when you should accept everyone has extracted themselves, carry the web responsibility? If your actions have unintentional together to the place you chose to display it. consequences, should you still accept responsibility for the outcome? ACTIVITY 6: PRACTICE (15 Invite participants to share journal writing to their level of MINUTES) comfort. You may wish to remind youth that you are a Materials for Activity mandated reporter and, if anyone discloses behavior that could be dangerous to themselves or others, you • Newsprint, markers, and tape will need to report it. Listen to what is said. • Participants' journals, and writing instruments When all who wish to have shared, remind the group • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop that though the world has many problems, they are not 1, Activity 3, Practice) responsible for fixing them all. People who feel they need to fix everything often become burned out. People • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other who are apathetic and feel responsible for nothing are decorations frustrating. Remember that moderation is also a virtue. • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors Use these words, or your own: Preparation for Activity Malcolm X said, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." He did not • If needed, read instructions for making the say, "If you are not the solution, you are the anklets in the Before You Start section of the problem." The human race has to work together program Introduction and in Workshop 1, to solve the problems the species created. Decision Making. Sometimes you might be a part of the solution in • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, a small way, like using cloth bags. At other and participants' journals if these are also kept times, you might play a bigger part. You might on-site. lobby your legislator to support the Clean Air Act. You might work for the Environmental • Write on newsprint, and post: Protection Agency. What activities are you currently responsible o Share these words from Unitarian minister Edward for? Everett Hale: When was there a time that you acted o I am only one responsibly? but still I am one. o What made it possible for you to accept I cannot do everything, responsibility in this instance? Has fulfilling But still I can do something. the actions you are responsible for now And because I cannot do everything taught you anything about how to be I will not refuse to do the something that I can successfully responsible in the future? do.

o Have you ever experienced circumstances Be sure to save five minutes for the youth to decorate where it would have been helpful for you to their cork beads. Distribute participants' clipboards, new be more responsible? beads (one per youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to decorate a bead while reflecting on their What are the areas of your life now where o personal experiences with responsibility. Remind them you could apply the virtue of responsibility to that the beads will act as a reminder to use their highest help you be the person you want to be? values. Description of Activity As participants finish, have them add this bead to the Participants understand how the use of responsibility anklet they started in Workshop 1. affects their lives.

If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with LEADER REFLECTION AND a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and instruction to begin their anklet. PLANNING Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. Which materials, and store for the next workshop. activities did the group enjoy most? Were varied learning styles addressed? Are group dynamics taking CLOSING (5 MINUTES) shape in a healthy way or are there issues you should address? Did participants keep to the covenant? Do co- Materials for Activity leaders feel the work is shared equally? Did you have • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- fun? operated candle Read the next workshop for any advance preparation • Taking It Home (included in this document) needed and decide who will be responsible for what. Preparation for Activity TAKING IT HOME • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for You cannot hope to build a better world without all participants. improving the individuals. To that end, each of • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for us must work for our own improvement and, at a volunteer to read. the same time, share a general responsibility for Description of Activity all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful. Have a volunteer read the quotation while another — Marie Curie, scientist extinguishes the chalice: IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we talked about the virtue It's a very Aboriginal thing to do, to give younger of responsibility and the ever-widening circle of whom people greater responsibilities within the and what we are responsible to and for. We talked about community as they become able to take those personal responsibility, responsibility at home and responsibilities on. It is a culturally appropriate school, and responsibility for the care of the planet. We transfer of roles that involves respect in both explored the complexities of making good choices, directions... from the younger to the older and including how to balance feelings of responsibility. the older to the younger. — Jackie Huggins, author, historian and human rights activist Today's Quote Distribute Taking It Home. Marie Curie says we have a particular duty to people "to whom we think we can be most useful." Could this FAITH IN ACTION: CLOTH BAGS guideline help you decide where to spend your socially responsible coinage? Think about the ways you give to Materials for Activity society now. Are you using your gifts and talents in the • Plain cloth shopping bags most helpful way? • Fabric paint Personal Responsibility • Stencils of the congregation's logo, chalice, or • Quizilla is a website where people post quizzes other artwork and other items they create. Take a quiz about personal responsibility. Design a quiz with your Preparation for Activity friends based on your true life experiences. Do • You can purchase plain cloth bags from many not use real names or details that identify vendors, including Michael's craft stores and people you know. Give the quiz to other friends. websites The Cloth Bag Company and Would they act in the same way as you? EcoBags. • Sometimes elders tell stories about how great Description of Activity their responsibilities were when they were Youth decorate cloth shopping bags. growing up. Have you heard stories like that? Next time you do, hold a serious discussion with Gather as a group and decorate cloth bags with your the elder. What was their life like? Did they have congregation's logo, a chalice design, or other artwork. responsibilities similar to yours? Share with Sell the bags for cost or add an additional amount to them your responsibilities. It's possible you have raise funds to donate to an environmental organization. responsibilities they did not have and never thought of.

Ecology • What are possible solutions to this challenge? Are they equally good? Why or why not? • Read about buying clothing according to the "rule of three," or calculate your ecological Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in footprint. hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always • Check out The Story of Stuff Project (at easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do www.storyofstuff.com/). A short, fun video need to keep trying. provides details on the process of how modern things get into our hands: from manufacturing, ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: A SOUND to shipping, to sales. If you click on "Teaching Tools" you will find some activities to pursue on OF THUNDER (30 MINUTES) your own. Materials for Activity • The Plastic Bag Report keeps track of places • An audio recording of the Ray Bradbury short that pass legislation reducing the use of plastic story, "A Sound of Thunder" bags. Is your state on the list? • A computer with Internet connection, and an Did You Know... ? audio player Dorothy Day (1897-1980) was a crusader for justice. Preparation for Activity This radical Catholic reformer started the Catholic • Obtain an audio recording of the story "A Sound Worker Movement and has been nominated for of Thunder," included in R is for Rocket by Ray sainthood. One of her most famous sayings is included Bradbury. You can access an audio version on in Singing the Living Tradition, our Unitarian Universalist YouTube, in three parts, with a total run-time of hymnbook: about 25 minutes. Your local library might have People say, what is the sense of our small effort. another version, such as Something Wicked They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a This Way Comes and A Sound of Thunder time, take one step at a time. [Unabridged] [Audible Audio Edition] by Ray A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that Bradbury, narrated by Stefan Rudnicki spread in all directions. Each one of our (Blackstone Audiobooks, 2006). This story was thoughts, words and deeds is like that. the basis of a 2004 movie, but the movie is not No one has a right to sit down and feel recommended. hopeless. • Test audio equipment and queue the story. If There's too much work to do. using the YouTube version, open three screens ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE and queue all three segments before you begin. CHALLENGES Description of Activity Participants reflect on interconnectedness by hearing a Materials for Activity story. • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening Tell the group they will hear a story whose author, Ray Description of Activity Bradbury, is a well-known science fiction writer and a Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. Unitarian Universalist. If someone shared an experience in check-in or during Play the audio. Discuss the story afterward. Ask: any workshop activities that the group would like to • What does this story have to do with explore further, do so now. This could be particularly responsibility? useful if an experience resonated with many participants. If several challenges are already listed on • Ray Bradbury writes mostly science fiction, but the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to sometimes his stories are dark fantasy, more discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. horrific. Does the premise of this story—that the death of a single butterfly could change human You might use these questions to structure a discussion: history—frighten you? Why or why not? • What virtues could this challenge bring into • Why do you think Bradbury wrote this story? play? What seems Unitarian Universalist about it? • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If Does it connect with any of our Principles? so, what values? How do they conflict? How?

ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: A WEB OF Invite participants to pick quotes from the basket and then gather in a circle. Holding the ball of yarn, read RESPONSIBILITY (30 MINUTES) your quotation aloud, then wrap the yarn around your Materials for Activity wrist 3 or 4 times. Invite someone across the circle to read their quotation. When they have finished, toss them • Leader Resource 3, We Are Connected the ball of yarn. Have them wrap the yarn around their (included in this document) and a basket wrist, then choose someone else to read a quotation. • A ball of yarn Continue until everyone has had a turn. Have the last reader toss the yarn back to you. • A large roll of plain paper, markers, and tape Say, in these words or your own: Preparation for Activity We are connected. The web of existence means • Activity 5, Creating a Web is a shorter version of my actions affect you and your actions me and this activity. Read both, and choose one. our actions affect the planet. • Print the Leader Resource. Cut apart the We are responsible. I am responsible to you and quotations (18 are provided) and place in the you are responsible to me and we are basket. responsible to the living planet, the only home we have. • Identify and measure an open floor space the youth will create when they gather in a circle. Instruct the youth to extract themselves from the yarn, Cut enough sheets of paper to cover the floor one at a time, trying to keep the web intact, and then space. Then, tape the sheets of paper together together lay the web on the paper you have placed on to form a "carpet" where the youth will be able to the floor. place the yarn web they make. Pass markers around the circle. Ask participants to think • Decide if you will affix the yarn web to the paper of ways they act responsibly: for themselves, each or trace the web pattern on the paper, with other, other life forms, or the planet as a whole. An markers. Bring the markers (and tape if you will example might include, "I compost, to return nutrients to need it) when you form a circle with the youth. the earth." Have a co-leader and/or volunteer begin taping the yarn to the paper, keeping the web's shape, • Find a place to display the paper as a large or tracing the web pattern with marker—whichever you mural, and obtain any permission you will need. have decided to do. Description of Activity Tell the youth you would like them to write their Participants learn an earth-centered religious responsible act inside the group's web, to create a mural perspective on our responsibility to each other and to together. Tell them where they mural will be displayed. the earth and experience interconnectedness by playing a game. Go first to model stating your example, then writing the example in one cell of the web. Say, in these words or your own: Engage volunteers to carry the web to its display Our seventh UU Principle says we agree to location. Post it as a visible reminder of the virtue of affirm and promote respect for the responsibility, in action. interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part. This Principle recognizes the strong identification many Unitarian Universalists feel with earth-centered or pagan beliefs. These religions—many with roots in the ancient religions of indigenous people—emphasize our connection to the earth. The earth is a living creation and our home; therefore, we are responsible to help sustain and protect it. Since we are all citizens of the living planet, we are all connected: to each other, to our animal and plant siblings, too. Our way of being should respect these connections. We are responsible to each other and all living things.

STORY: PAPER, PLASTIC, OR CLOTH? The ban started in 2006, on Tanzania's Zanzibar archipelago. The Zanzibar islands on the Indian Ocean are famous for their pristine beaches and their history of trade in spices and slaves. Today, Zanzibar depends on tourism for most of its income. One month after this island paradise was named as potentially becoming one of the most environmentally endangered islands on the planet, the ban took effect. What was banned? Plastic bags. Thin, plastic bags, used by most vendors, were endangering the islands' fragile ecology. A study found that the bags clogged water channels, killed marine life and livestock, polluted the soil, and creating breeding places for malaria- carrying mosquitoes. A partial ban was passed in 2006. In 2011, the Tanzanian government was considering a complete ban on the manufacture and use of all plastic bags everywhere in the country, which is also home to the Serengeti National Park, a world famous site for safaris. A total ban will mean anyone manufacturing, dispersing, or importing plastic bags in Tanzania could face six months in prison, a fine, or both. Retailers and manufacturers have fought the ban, claiming it is impossible to enforce and will hurt the economy. Others say it will help the economy, because plastic bags manufacturing is mostly automated, and the ban will create jobs for people to produce reusable cloth bags. Cloth bags will need farmers to supply hemp and sisal. Hemp and sisal are biodegradable, unlike the plastic bags, which can take up to 1,000 years to break down, and leave tiny pieces of plastic in the soil. Paper, plastic, or cloth? Tanzania is not the only nation to ban plastic bags. Other countries and some U.S. cities have banned them. Environmentalists started voicing concerns about plastic bags decades ago. Aside from the bags' danger to animals, waterways, and soil, plastic is a non-renewable resource, created from oil. But do they need to be banned? Plastic bag recycling is available in some places, and people are reusing plastic bags more than ever before. This keeps them out of landfills longer. Plastic bags are also inexpensive. Some people prefer plastic bags. Paper, plastic, or cloth? Some people switched to paper bags. Paper bags are biodegradable. Paper comes from trees, and trees can be planted and grown, so paper could be considered a renewable resource. Paper bags do not pose a threat to wildlife. On the other hand, there are concerns. Some paper companies cut down old-growth timber, so even with replanting, forests are being harvested at a greater rate than they can be replenished. Paper bags cost more than plastic bags, so some retailers that use them increase the prices of their products to cover the cost of the bags. Still, some people prefer paper bags. Paper, plastic, or cloth? Some people are using cloth bags. This is how our ancestors shopped: They took their cloth bags to market with them. Cloth bags can be reused for years, and many are biodegradable. Nowadays, you can buy them at the check-out stands of most major retailers. Although you pay for a cloth bag out of pocket, versus getting a plastic or paper bag for free, in the end many say a cloth bag pays for itself many times over because it does not cause environmental damage that someone must pay to fix—if it can be fixed at all. On the other hand, some people say it is hard to remember to bring them when shopping and that they can carry germs, if not properly laundered. Paper, plastic, or cloth? What do you say at the check-out, when offered this option? Other factors affect how "green" your bag is: How much energy and other resources are needed to produce it? How far from you is the bag manufactured? Shipping the bag a long distance uses fossil fuels, which emit carbon dioxide that harms the environment. Which solution seems the most responsible choice to you: plastic bags, paper bags, or cloth? Maybe you use a combination. Whatever you decide, make a conscious, informed choice. That is the responsible thing to do.

LEADER RESOURCE 1: WHO DOES IT? At Home... Laundry Brushes your teeth Cooks meals Decorating your bedroom Choosing what to watch on television Driving Feeds pets Pays the utility bills Decorating the house Babysitting Deciding how to spend money Mows the lawn Dishes Gathers recyclables Paying rent or a mortgage At School or Work... Choosing lunch Homework Getting good grades Choosing friends Choosing mates Helping sibling with homework Working outside the home Community and Beyond... Volunteer at the congregation Volunteer at another organization Voting in elections

LEADER RESOURCE 2: RESPONSIBILITY DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 Are scientists and inventors responsible for the uses of their creations? Hilda is a scientist in a lab that sometimes accepts contracts from outside companies. While working to discover a cure for a disease, Hilda accidentally discovers a biological agent that could be very destructive in the wrong hands. Because Hilda is working under contract to Mass Destruct, Inc., the patent for the new agent belongs to them. Mass Destruct, Inc. could produce the agent and sell it to any nation or person they wish. They decide to sell the agent to the highest bidder, a country called Peaceful Land. Peaceful Land is attacked, without provocation, by Angry Land. In defense, Peaceful Land uses the agent against Angry Land, and kills thousands. Who is responsible for the deaths? Peaceful Land, for using the agent? Angry Land, for starting the war? Mass Destruct, Inc. for selling the agent? Hilda, for creating the agent? Dilemma 2 A website was recently created that featured ugly remarks about some of the students and teachers at Learning High. Gary overheard some guys talking in the hallway and consequently knows who created the anonymous website. Everyone at school is talking about who might have posted the remarks. The principal purchases software that tells him everyone who visited the website. If the creators do not come forward, she will question every student who visited the website, in the presence of their family. What should Gary do? Does he have a responsibility to tell what he knows? If he takes responsibility, he could help the principal address the problem more efficiently, saving the principal some work and saving other students from embarrassment. Or should he let the principal take care of it her way?

LEADER RESOURCE 3: WE ARE CONNECTED "We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." — Native American Proverb "Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach." — Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author and psychoanalyst "What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?" — Henry David Thoreau "The care of the Earth is our most ancient and most worthy, and after all our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it and to foster its renewal is our only hope." — Wendell Berry, poet "Peace comes within the souls of men when they realize their oneness with the Universe." — Black Elk "No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless. There's too much work to do." — Dorothy Day "We never know the worth of water till the well is dry." — Thomas Fuller "The maltreatment of the natural world and its impoverishment leads to the impoverishment of the human soul. It is related to the outburst of violence in human society. To save the natural world today means to save what is human in humanity." — Raisa Gorbachev, wife of ex-Soviet leader Mikhail and activist "Let us a little permit Nature to take her own way; she better understands her own affairs than we." — Michel de Montaigne, French author "And there is no creature on (or within) the earth or a bird that flies with its wings except that they are nations (communities) like you." — Quran 6:38 "Only after the last tree has been cut down; Only after the last fish has been caught; Only after the last river has been poisoned; Only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten." — Cree Indian Prophecy "We are nature. We are nature seeing nature. We are nature with a concept of nature. Nature weeping. Nature speaking of nature to nature." — Susan Griffin, eco-feminist author "All of nature is a canvas painted by the hand of God." — Anonymous "Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him: "I now establish my covenant with you and your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you — the birds, the livestock, and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you - every living Creature on the earth." — Genesis 9:8-9. Love your Mother. "Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not the shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you did not take care of the flock! You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally." — Ezekiel 34:2-4. "The earth is a living thing. Mountains speak, trees sing, lakes can think, pebbles have a soul, rocks have power." — Henry Crow Dog, American Indian activist "I had assumed that the Earth, the spirit of the Earth, noticed exceptions — those who wantonly damage it and those who do not. But the Earth is wise. It has given itself into the keeping of all, and all are therefore accountable." — Alice Walker, author

FIND OUT MORE Personal Responsibility A short article from the Evansville Courier and Press gives practical advice for motivating young people to be more responsible at home. Social Responsibility Community Service and Social Responsibility in Youth, by James Youniss and Miranda Yates (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1997), uses a case study of urban youth to demonstrate how community service can help youth develop a sense of social responsibility and see themselves as agents of change. Stewards of the Earth The Plastic Bag Report keeps track of places that pass legislation reducing the use of plastic bags. Is your state on the list? Boomerang Impact sells eco-friendly bags. The Eco-Ethical website compiles comments on popular ecological issues individuals face. An article in the British periodical The Independent examines the complexities of organic food as the "right" ethical choice.

Activity 3: Story — The Prodigal Son 15 WORKSHOP 7: COMPASSION Activity 4: Compassion and Religion 15 INTRODUCTION Activity 5: Dilemma 15 One's life has value so long as one attributes Activity 6: Practice 10 value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion. — Faith in Action: Everyday Compassion 30 Simone de Beauvoir Closing 5 This workshop brings scientific information, religious exploration, and, of course, opportunities for youth to Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges share from their personal experiences with the virtue of Alternate Activity 2: Compassionate Heroes 20 compassion. When it comes to compassion, knowing where to draw the line can be difficult. Be sure to include Alternate Activity 3: Compassion as a Spiritual 20 the workshop's questions about balance. Practice Several activities can be enriched with resources available on the Internet. A computer with Internet SPIRITUAL PREPARATION access will prove useful, even if you do not have a large Spend a few moments with Handout 1, Prayer for monitor for viewing. Compassion by Reverend Elizabeth L. Tarbox. Consider Note: Activity 5, Dilemma offers three scenarios, and how compassion is, or could be, a spiritual practice in one involves the death of a pet. If someone in the group your life. has recently experienced the death of a pet, you may wish to use an alternate scenario. GOALS This workshop will: • Examine the meaning of compassion • Explore situations that call for compassion • Guide youth to identify themselves as compassionate people. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Participants will: • Explore the meaning of compassion • Discuss a dilemma where compassion is called for • Identify experiences when they have, or have not, used compassion, and commit to practicing the virtue of compassion in a particular aspect of their life. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 10

Activity 1: Mirror Neurons 10

Activity 2: Ideal vs. Reality 10

OPENING (10 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: MIRROR NEURONS (10 Materials for Activity MINUTES) • Newsprint, markers, and tape Materials for Activity • Optional: Computer with Internet access, and • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- digital projector or large monitor operated candle Preparation for Activity • Group covenant (Workshop 1) • Optional: Preview a six-minute segment on • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet mirror neurons from the PBS program “The (Workshop 1) Human Spark.” Test equipment and Internet • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life connection before the workshop. Queue the Challenges (included in this document) segment to show the group. Preparation for Activity Description of Activity • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. Share the following: Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you Have you ever seen a competitive ice skater miss a think you will have time and you observe that move and fall on the ice? Did you say, “Ouch?” If so, youth want to discuss challenges shared in their your brain was probably using mirror neurons. check-in. Mirror neurons are brain cells that specialize in carrying • Post the chalice lighting words. out and understanding not just the actions of others, but • Post the group covenant. also their intentions—the social meaning of their behavior and their emotions. • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of Scientist first discovered the work of mirror neurons newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. almost twenty years ago, while monitoring the brain functions of monkeys. They discovered that certain Description of Activity regions of the brain were active when monkeys ate Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the peanuts. Then, much to their surprise, they discovered group to recite the chalice lighting words: that the same regions of the brain were active when the monkeys watched a lab assistant eat a peanut. The The thought manifests as the word regions were also active when monkeys simply heard The word manifests as the deed; someone open a peanut. The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character; We now know that mirror neurons in humans are even So watch the thought and its ways with care, more developed and flexible than in monkeys. This And let it spring from love makes sense because human society is extremely Born out of concern for all beings... dependent on each of us understanding and engaging As the shadow follows the body, with not only the actions of other members of society, As we think, so we become. but also the reasons and emotions behind actions. — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the Mirror neurons help explain how human beings learn, Buddha why people enjoy watching certain sports or forms of art, why exposure to violent media may be harmful, and why Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral some people enjoy pornography. challenges they have experienced since the last meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further Scientists are still researching how these complex brain explore the group's challenges. If youth appear cells work. But we know that the same cells in your brain interested in discussing a particular challenge but you are activated when you kick a ball, when you watch feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the someone else kick a ball, or when you say “kick the person who shared it to write a short description of the ball.” Not only do these cells let you understand that you challenge on the Bicycle Rack. are watching someone kick a ball, but you also understand that the person wants a good kick. If Tell participants that today you will talk about someone playing kickball gets out and expresses compassion. disappointment, you, too, feel the disappointment. Your previous experience with kickball has created a template in your head that you reference every time you play

kickball, watch kickball or even hear a story about Point out that compassion is central to many religions, kickball. How fascinating is that! including Buddhism, Confucianism, and Christianity; acts of lovingkindness are commanded in Judaism. Why If you have Internet access, watch the PBS segment on do religions lift this virtue up? mirror neurons. Invite the group to play “Ideal versus Reality.” Explain Discuss implications of this research: that one person will take center stage and state an ideal • How do mirror neurons play a part in learning a associated with today’s virtue, compassion. Then the new behavior? Why did generations of children floor is open, and anyone can take center stage and learn to cook by watching the family cook in the state a reality that conflicts with the ideal. For example, kitchen, even before being able to try cooking an ideal related to compassion is “We should all feel themselves? compassion for all living things.” A reality might be “We are animals that consume other living material to live.” • If we learn almost as much by watching and listening to others as we do by doing things More examples: ourselves, what role does storytelling play in • Ideal: Our government should reflect the learning? compassion we feel. / Reality: Different factions • The implications might be clear for learning in society fight for special treatment, at the cost physical actions. What are the implications for of others. learning values and virtues, like compassion? • Ideal: Those who are most at risk (sick children, Do mirror neurons increase our capacity for victims of tragedy) should be the ones we feel compassion? the most compassion toward. / Reality: Some ACTIVITY 2: IDEAL VS. REALITY (10 people despise the needy, labeling them as “weak” and see them as burdens on society. MINUTES) After the game, invite participants to share other Materials for Activity questions or thoughts about compassion. You can • Newsprint, markers, and tape prompt with these questions: Preparation for Activity • How has compassion played a part in your life? • Write “Compassion” on a sheet of newsprint, • Who do you know that you consider a deeply and post. compassionate person? Why? Description of Activity • What experiences have you had where people Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the were not being compassionate? day’s virtue. • When is it hard to be compassionate? Are there Ask the group to define “compassion.” Choose a certain people or situations that make volunteer to take notes on newsprint. Share the compassion difficult? It is hard to feel definition from the Dictionary.com website: “a feeling of compassion for people who are not deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken compassionate? by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to • Have you ever felt compassion for someone you alleviate the suffering.” Offer: felt was your “enemy?” What was that like? Did Sometimes people distinguish “sympathy” from it affect your relationship? “compassion” by saying sympathy is feeling sorry for • Have you ever met someone you thought was someone, but compassion means you feel their pain and an awful person until you realized some of the want to alleviate it. Like the definition, most people link pain and difficulty they were living with? compassion with action: Feeling bad is not compassion, you also want to try to end the other’s pain and • “Compassion fatigue” is defined as a secondary suffering. traumatic stress disorder that results from a person focusing so much on the suffering of Remind the group that the ancient Greek philosophers others or being so preoccupied with the care of believed true happiness resulted when something fulfills others, that they cease to take proper care of its true purpose. They believed the true purpose of a themselves. Signs of compassion fatigue human being is to survive, thrive, and form meaningful include depression, apathy, isolation, substance relationships. How will living a life of compassion help abuse, and other destructive behavior. Though you do that? you may not know someone who suffers from this actual clinical disorder, have you ever felt as 86

if the problems of the world are so many they ACTIVITY 4: COMPASSION AND simply could not care anymore? If you have had this feeling, did it pass? RELIGION (15 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 3: STORY – THE Materials for Activity PRODIGAL SON (15 MINUTES) • Leader Resource 1, Who Says? (included in this document) Materials for Activity • Leader Resource 2, Charter for Compassion • Story, "The Prodigal Son" (included in this (included in this document) document) • Painter's tape or another adhesive that will not Preparation for Activity harm walls • Read the story so you can present it effectively. • Optional: Workshop 7, Faith in Action: Everyday • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. Compassion (included in this document) Preparation for Activity • Optional: Plan to invite youth to act out the story. Description of Activity • Print two copies of Leader Resource 1, Who Says? Set one aside as your "answer key." Cut Youth apply the virtue of compassion to a biblical story. the other copy into three pieces: quotations 1-4, Tell or read the story. quotations 5-8, and quotations 9-12. Then, cut each quotation apart from the person who said If you have time, invite youth to act out the story, with as it. much melodrama as they wish. • Identify three separate wall spaces. In each Lead a discussion: space, tape four quotations to the wall and the • What virtues does the father exhibit? What four names to a table or the floor below. about the older son? What about the youngest? • Print Leader Resource 2, Charter for • This story is often used to illustrate forgiveness. Compassion for yourself, co-leaders, and However, this translation does not say the father volunteer readers. forgave the younger son. It says he felt • Optional: This workshop's Faith in Action activity compassion. The son humbled himself and explores the Charter for Compassion project in asked for forgiveness. But, did the father feel more detail. If you have time, consider that was necessary? What is the connection incorporating it into this activity. between forgiveness and compassion? Description of Activity • Have you ever been moved to compassion by Participants identify the theme of compassion in different someone who hurt you? What allowed you to religions. feel compassion? Did your compassion lead to forgiveness? What did that feel like? In Invite the group to match quotes with the people who hindsight, are you glad you were moved by said them. If your group has fewer than 12 youth, they compassion? can do it as a group. If larger, invite the group into three teams, each with one set of quotes. Give the group four • This is a parable told by Jesus. When he told it, minutes. whom did the father represent? Who are the sons? The matching may be difficult. Afterward, process with the following questions: • This story is also about unconditional love, called “agape.” Some religions teach that God • Was the matching easy or hard? Why? Was it loves all people unconditionally, and that difficult to discern one religious belief from the although we sometimes love imperfectly, we are next? Why do you think this was so? to emulate God. What is the connection • If compassion is central to every major religion, between love and compassion? including our own, why does there seems sometimes to be a serious lack of compassion in people's behavior? Introduce Leader Resource 2, Charter for Compassion. Ask volunteers to read. Share that the Charter for Compassion was started by Karen Armstrong, an ex- 87

nun and a best-selling writer about world religions. • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop Though the idea was Armstrong's, the actual document 1, Activity 3, Practice) was written by a group. The call for the charter was • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other posted on the Internet and over the next six weeks, decorations more than 150,000 people from 180 countries and many religions and philosophies contributed words. • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors • What does the charter say about religions and Preparation for Activity compassion? • If needed, read instructions for making the • How does compassion play a part in your anklets in the Before You Start section of the Unitarian Universalist faith? program Introduction and in Workshop 1, Decision Making. If you have Internet access, visit the charter's website. You can watch a short video about the charter online. • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, Invite youth to affirm the charter. and participants' journals if these are also kept on-site. ACTIVITY 5: DILEMMA (15 MINUTES) • Write on newsprint, and post: Materials for Activity o When was there a time that you felt • Leader Resource 3, Compassion Dilemmas compassion for another creature? (included in this document) o Did feeling compassion change your Preparation for Activity behavior? If so, how? • Adapt the Leader Resource to include the o What conditions can you identify that dilemmas you plan to use in this activity. If increase the likelihood that you will act someone in the group has recently experienced compassionately towards others? the death of a pet, you may prefer to eliminate the scenario that deals with this topic. o Are there those to whom you cannot possibly feel compassion? • Copy the Leader Resource for yourself, volunteer readers, and, if you wish, all o When has balancing a sense of compassion participants. with day-to-day realities been difficult? Description of Activity o What are the areas of your life now where you could apply compassion to help you be Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. the person you want to be? Seek a volunteer to read one of the dilemmas. Open the Description of Activity floor for reactions and answers. Ask participants if this reminds them of other dilemmas they have encountered Participants understand how the use of compassion or heard of, real or fictional. affects their lives. Have another volunteer read the next dilemma. Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or For each dilemma, ask "How could compassion play a meditate on the questions. part in this dilemma?" Additional prompts you may add, while the group Variation journals: Form small groups and assign each group a dilemma to • When have others acted compassionately discuss. Give groups five minutes, then re-gather the towards you? How did that make you feel? large group and have small groups briefly report on their discussions. • Can you be a good person without feeling compassion? ACTIVITY 6: PRACTICE (10 • Can you be a good person if you feel MINUTES) compassion, but do not act on it? Materials for Activity After five minutes, ask participants to stop. Invite volunteers to share journal writing, to their level of • Newsprint, markers, and tape comfort. When sharing is complete or after five minutes, • Participants' journals, and writing instruments distribute participants' clipboards, new beads (one per youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to take the 88

next five minutes to decorate a bead while reflecting on • Test Internet access equipment. Locate and their personal experiences with compassion. Remind the preview the websites you wish to show the youth that the beads will remind them to use their youth. Possibilities include: highest values. o Karen Armstrong introducing the Charter of As participants finish, have them add this bead to the Compassion concept, on the TED anklet they started in Workshop 1. (Technology, Entertainment, Design) website If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and o The website for the Charter for Compassion instruction to begin their anklet. project. Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making • Optional: Read the book Twelve Steps to a materials, and store for the next workshop. Compassionate Life, and prepare to discuss it with the youth briefly and invite them to follow CLOSING (5 MINUTES) one or more of the steps. Materials for Activity Description of Activity • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- This activity picks up where Activity 4, Compassion and operated candle Religion leaves off. Youth further explore and then (optional) participate in the Charter for Compassion • Taking It Home (included in this document) online project. Preparation for Activity Watch the video where Karen Armstrong first introduced • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for the concept of the Charter of Compassion on the TED all participants. (Technology, Entertainment, Design) website. • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for Visit the Charter for Compassion's website. Read some a volunteer to read. of the stories. Note that not all describe major events; Description of Activity many share small kindnesses, everyday acts of compassion the youth might find opportunities to Have a volunteer read the quotation while another emulate. Do participants have stories to share? Help extinguishes the chalice: youth post their stories. Love is that condition in the human spirit so Read some of the commitments on the website. Again, profound that it allows me to survive, and better these are small, individual acts. Encourage youth to than that, to thrive with passion, compassion, make specific commitments. Perhaps they pledge to act and style. — Maya Angelou, novelist and poet more compassionately to their siblings, spend more time Distribute Taking It Home. playing with or walking a pet, or sit at lunch with a youth who always sits alone. Invite participants to post their FAITH IN ACTION: EVERYDAY commitments on the website. Ask how they will hold COMPASSION (30 MINUTES) themselves accountable for keeping their commitments. Perhaps a reminder could be posted on the wall of your Materials for Activity meeting space. You do not need to list the specific • Activity 4, Compassion and Religion (included in commitments. It could simply say, "Were you this document) compassionate today?" • Computer with Internet access, and (optional) a LEADER REFLECTION AND digital projector or large monitor PLANNING • Leader Resource 2, Charter for Compassion Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. Which (included in this document) activities did the group enjoy most? Were varied • Optional: A copy of Twelve Steps to a learning styles addressed? Are the group dynamics Compassionate Life by Karen Armstrong (New taking shape in a healthy way, or are there issues you York: Knopf Doubleday, 2010) should address? Read the next workshop for any advance preparation needed and decide who will be Preparation for Activity responsible for what. • Read Activity 4, Compassion and Religion; this Faith in Action activity is designed as an extension of Activity 4. 89

TAKING IT HOME ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE One's life has value so long as one attributes value to CHALLENGES the life of others, by means of love, friendship, Materials for Activity indignation and compassion. — Simone de Beauvoir • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we talked about the virtue of compassion and ways to make compassion a spiritual Description of Activity practice. Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. More Stories about Compassion. Read "Making It If someone shared an experience in check-in or during Through," a story in UU World, by Unitarian Universalist any workshop activities that the group would like to minister and author Meg Barnhouse, about finding explore further, do so now. This could be particularly compassion in unique places. useful if an experience resonated with many Read Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life by Karen participants. If several challenges are already listed on Armstrong (New York: Knopf Doubleday, 2010). Your the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to public library may have a copy. Write down the steps discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. Armstrong suggests. Choose some of the concrete You might use these questions to structure a discussion: actions she mentions that might help you become a • more compassionate person. What virtues could this challenge bring into play? Nickelodeon television's Halo Awards honor youth • making a difference in the world. On the website, you Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If can nominate youth or watch videos of past winners. so, what values? How do they conflict? • Compassion does not sound like a very controversial What are possible solutions to this challenge? topic, does it? Yet there are hot issues. Animal rights is Are they equally good? Why or why not? one. Another is assisted suicide. Some people believe Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in terminally ill patients should be able to decide for hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we themselves when to end their lives. They want them to want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always have a humane choice, such as medically assisted easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do suicide, that would assure a painless death. The 2009 need to keep trying. movie You Don't Know Jack (directed by Barry Levinson) is about the true-life, radical crusade of Dr. ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: Jack Kevorkian for this cause. COMPASSIONATE HEROES (20 Prodigal Son. Horror writer Dean Koontz wrote a novel MINUTES) in 2009 titled Frankenstein: Prodigal Son. It is a retelling of the Mary Shelley classic, Frankenstein. Read either Materials for Activity novel; they are about much more than the Frankenstein • A computer with Internet access and digital movies. How is Shelley's tale like the story of the projector or a large monitor prodigal son? Mary Shelley's mother, Mary Preparation for Activity Wollstonecraft attended a Unitarian congregation for a portion of her life and was a radical activist for women's • Preview the CNN website you will show the rights, long before the suffragette movement. youth. Test equipment and Internet connection before the workshop. Compassionate Games. There are many video games for those who like violence, but not many for people who Description of Activity embrace compassion and giving service to the world. Tell the group: One such game is Quest Atlantis. Play with your friends. The Cable News Network (CNN) hosts a special Show your friends the website for Charter for that highlights the humanitarian work of several Compassion. Invite them to affirm the charter and post heroes every year. The 2010 Hero of the Year, commitments. Make it a game by asking each other, Anuradha Koirala, rescues some of the 20,000 every Monday, how they lived out their commitment. girls in Nepal who are abducted for or coerced Reward each other for sweet behavior with sweet treats. into a sex trafficking ring every year. You can play the game with your family, too. On the CNN website, read about the heroes for the current year. Discuss:

• Do their biographies detail events that helped them develop strong skills of compassion? • Do you think these individuals were born with compassion, have learned it, or a combination? Invite the youth to pick an organization led by one of the CNN Heroes. Make a plan to educate your congregation about the organization's work and raise funds to contribute. Suggest youth share information about the organization on their Facebook pages. ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: COMPASSION AS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE (20 MINUTES) Materials for Activity • Handout 1, Prayer for Compassion • Writing paper and pens/pencils Preparation for Activity • Copy the handout for all participants. Description of Activity Youth explore making compassion a spiritual practice. Ask the group to define "spiritual practice." Affirm that a spiritual practice is any activity done regularly to nurture one's spirituality. Brainstorm different spiritual practices: prayer, meditation, reading, nature walks, yoga, etc. Ask: • Can acting compassionately can be a spiritual practice? If so, how will you remember to engage in it regularly? Suggest that one way is to pray or meditate on compassion not just once, but on a regular, scheduled basis. Lead the group to read the Prayer for Compassion (Handout 1) aloud together. Tell the group that Buddhism includes meditations for "loving-kindness," which is equivalent to compassion. In Taoism, the Three Jewels of Taoism are compassion, humility, and moderation. Distribute writing materials. Invite participants to create poems, meditations, or prayers to help them remember to practice compassion. Remind them that their anklet is also a reminder to live their highest values. If you wish, leave time for volunteers to share.

STORY: THE PRODIGAL SON From Christian scripture, Luke 15:11-32 (New Revised Standard Version). Then Jesus said, "There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.' So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and travelled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, 'How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands."' So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his slaves, 'Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!' And they began to celebrate. Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on. He replied, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.' Then he became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father, 'Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!' Then the father said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.'"

HANDOUT 1: PRAYER FOR COMPASSION By Reverend Elizabeth L. Tarbox; used with permission. Spirit of Life, I give thanks for the opportunities to love that present themselves in the turmoil of life. When the light catches the tears in another's eyes, where hands are held and there are moments without words, let us be present then, and alive to the possibility of changing. Let us seek to make another's wellbeing the object of our concern. Let us seek to be present to another's pain, to bathe another's wounds, hear another's sadness, celebrate another's success, and allow the other's story to change our own. Let us stand in the morning on damp grass, hear the syllables of bird song, and fill up on sweet air that rolls over oceans and continents. Let us look up at the stars and the planets that fill the night sky with majesty. Let us witness the first fresh buds of spring amid the brown sticks of winter. And for all this, let us be grateful. Let us not defend ourselves against the discomfort of unruly emotion, nor seek to close down our hearts for fear a new love will come to shake our foundations. Let us instead be open to discovering a new way of seeing an old problem, or appreciating the perfection of a seashell, or the possibility of friendship. For in giving ourselves to what we do not understand, we receive life's blessings, and in taking care of another, we are cared for.

LEADER RESOURCE 1: WHO SAYS? 1. Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men. Confucius (Confucianism) 2. I have observed that religious practice is not a precondition either of ethical conduct or of happiness itself. I have also suggested that, whether a person practices religion or not, the spiritual qualities of love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, humility and so on are indispensable. Dalai Lama (Buddhism) 3. Christ has no body on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion for the world is to look out; yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good; and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now. Saint Teresa of Avila (Christianity) 4. It is a man's sympathy with all creatures that truly makes him a man. Until he extends his circle of compassion to all living things, man himself will not find peace. Albert Schweitzer (Humanist) 5. It ill becomes us to invoke in our daily prayers the blessings of God, the Compassionate, if we in turn will not practice elementary compassion towards our fellow creatures. Gandhi (Hinduism) 6. A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair. Abraham J. Heschel (Judaism) 7. ... we must become articulate about our belief and choose those actions which will demonstrate that we do not just talk about compassion and love and understanding, but that they are values which we incorporate into our inner frame of reference. Dorothy Tilden Spoerl (Unitarian Universalism) 8. The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another. Thomas Merton (Christianity) 9. No man is a true believer unless he desireth for his brother that which he desireth for himself. Muhammad (Islam) 11. He who feels no compassion will become insane. Hasidic Saying (Judaism) 12. ... Justice, equity and compassion in human relations... Second Principle (Unitarian Universalism)

LEADER RESOURCE 2: CHARTER FOR COMPASSION Charter for Compassion, 2009; used with permission. The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect. It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others—even our enemies—is a denial of our common humanity. We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion. We therefore call upon all men and women to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion — to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate — to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures — to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity - to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings—even those regarded as enemies. We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries. Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensable to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community.

LEADER RESOURCE 3: COMPASSION DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 If a person approaches you on the street and asks for money for food, do you give them what money you can spare? Some people are afraid that the person might be addicted and will spend the money on alcohol or other drugs. Therefore, your money is feeding their addictions. Others say that if you refuse to help people, you are not practicing compassion and eventually your heart will turn cold. What other thoughts go through your mind when you encounter a panhandler? Is there a balance to giving money to everyone who asks and not giving to anyone? Dilemma 2 Your cat is sick and you take it to the vet. The prognosis is terminal: You know your cat will die. You have the option to let your cat die naturally or to "put it down." The vet assures you euthanizing the cat will be painless and quick; you can be with your cat until the end. How do you decide? What if your cat's death may be painful and drawn out? What if your cat has kidney disease and the vet says its death may take weeks, but involve no pain; the cat will simply grow more and more tired, sleep a great deal, and eventually one day fall asleep and not wake up. Does the manner of the natural death influence your choice? Dilemma 3 Financial donations to international service organizations give us a way to express compassion toward people we will never meet. Yet, so many organizations are seeking funds. How do you choose where to send your donation? Do the long-term problems of a marginalized segment of another country's population activate your compassion? If so, does it matter to you what kind of relationship the people's country has with the U.S.? Should you send money to help educate girls in the Middle East, or children born with cleft palates in India? Do you prefer to keep your charitable contributions closer to home? What parameters do you and your family consider when choosing from thousands of deserving charities seeking contributions?

FIND OUT MORE Religious Tolerance has information and quotations on the Ethics of Reciprocity and the Golden Rule. Buddhism is well known as a religion that calls for compassion. The Dalai Lama has written a practical book on the subject, An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life (New York: Back Bay Books, 2002). On The Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project website, take a test to see if you are experiencing compassion fatigue, and find resources for recovery. "Cells That Read Minds" (New York Times, Jan. 10, 2006) is an easy-to-read article on mirror neurons. "Role of Mirror Neurons May Need Rethink" (New Scientist, May 2009) offers a counter-argument to the prevailing understanding of mirror neurons.

Faith in Action: Untouchables

WORKSHOP 8: HUMILITY Closing 5 INTRODUCTION Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges

Compassion directed to oneself is humility. — Alternate Activity 2: Gratitude as a Spiritual 20 Simone Weil Practice

Our culture offers mixed messages about the virtue of Alternate Activity 3: My Care and Feeding 30 humility. While expressions of humility are socially Booklet acceptable, even encouraged, we are also expected to stand up for our rights and take credit for our SPIRITUAL PREPARATION contributions. The youth learn that practicing humility as a virtue does not mean pretending you do not have Read Handout 1, Gratitude for What We May Take for talents and accomplishments. It does mean Granted. This is not an easy prayer. The author, a UU acknowledging that, despite your many gifts, you are not minister, calls us to a grateful response to experiences perfect—you still have room for improvement; there will we would characterize as negative. The prayer does not be people who can outshine you. Humility helps us ask us to be happy about life's pain. It acknowledges acknowledge our mistakes and failures. It empowers us that our anger, tears, or feelings of brokenness can to let other people's lights shine brightly, too. make gratitude difficult. Yet negative experiences are part of life, for which we are grateful. GOALS Does being grateful for our life mean we should be This workshop will: thankful for the "downs" as well as the "ups?" What has been your experience? What can you communicate to • Examine the meaning of humility youth, during the workshop, about the humbling • Explore situations where humility is exhibited or experience of simply being a human being? called for • Guide youth to identify themselves as humble people. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Participants will: • Explore the meaning of humility • Discuss a dilemma where humility could have a role • Identify times they have practiced humility, and discover and commit to ways to practice humility in their lives. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 10

Activity 1: Up Side, Down Side 10

Activity 2: Story — The Value of a Gift 10

Activity 3: Said and Done 30

Activity 4: Dilemmas 10

Activity 5: Practice 15

OPENING (10 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: UP SIDE, DOWN SIDE (10 MINUTES) Materials for Activity Materials for Activity • Newsprint, markers, and tape • Newsprint, markers, and tape • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- operated candle Preparation for Activity • Post two sheets of newsprint, one headed • Group covenant (Workshop 1) "Humility — Up Side", the other headed • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet "Humility — Down Side." (Workshop 1) • Post a third sheet headed "Does Humility • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life mean...?" and write these definitions: "lack of Challenges (included in this document) pride," "subservience," "modesty," "lack of Preparation for Activity boastfulness," "lowering one's self," "honest opinion of one's self- worth," "I'm okay/You're • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. okay," and "to feel inferior." Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you Description of Activity think you will have time and you observe that youth want to discuss challenges shared in their Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the check-in. day's virtue. • Post the chalice lighting words. Invite youth to take a moment and think about "humility" as a virtue. Point out the definitions of humility you have • Post the group covenant. posted. Share that the adjective "humble" is the Begin a • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in discussion, using these prompts: Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of • Do the words "humble" and "humility" stir the newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. same feelings within you? What is the Description of Activity difference? Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the • What have you been told about humility, or group to recite the chalice lighting words: being humble: what it means, when to use it, when not to use it? [For example, "humble" is The thought manifests as the word often used with "meek," "poor," or "lowly." Are The word manifests as the deed; they all synonymous?] The deed develops into habit; • And habit hardens into character; Who defines humility? Does it mean different So watch the thought and its ways with care, things to different people? And let it spring from love • Is there anyone you admire who exhibits Born out of concern for all beings... humility regularly? Give an example. As the shadow follows the body, • As we think, so we become. Do you have friends and/or family members who — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the do not exhibit humility? How do you feel when Buddha you are around these people? • Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral Has anyone ever "humbled" you? Intentionally challenges they have experienced since the last or unintentionally? If intentionally, why do you meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further think they did that? Do you know people who explore the group's challenges. If youth appear seem to feel the need to put down others in interested in discussing a particular challenge but you order to feel good about themselves? feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the • How does pride relate to humility? Is it the person who shared it to write a short description of the opposite? Does that mean pride is bad? Or challenge on the Bicycle Rack. could pride belong on our list of virtues, too? Tell participants that today you will talk about humility. • What is "false humility?" • What other questions come to mind when you think about humility?

During the discussion, begin to capture on newsprint very nature—while the other vices are participants' "up side" (positive) and "down side" competitive only, so to speak, by accident. Pride (negative) comments about moderation as a virtue. gets no pleasure out of having something, only Then, focus the youth on these questions... out of having more of it than the next [person]... We say that people are proud of being rich, or • What are the advantages to using humility? clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They • What are disadvantages? are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better- looking than others. If everyone else became ...and continue recording their comments on the equally rich, or clever, or good-looking, there newsprint. would be nothing to be proud about. It is the To conclude, review the comments on the newsprint. comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of ACTIVITY 2: STORY — THE VALUE competition has gone, pride has gone. OF A GIFT (10 MINUTES) Ask: Materials for Activity • What do you think of this quote? • Story, "The Value of a Gift" (included in this • If pride is competitive, is humility cooperative? document) Could humility be competitive, too? Preparation for Activity ACTIVITY 3: SAID AND DONE (30 • Read the story so you can present it effectively. MINUTES) • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. Materials for Activity Description of Activity • Leader Resource 1, Humility Quotes (included in Youth respond to a true story about humility. this document) and a basket Tell or read the story. Preparation for Activity Process the story with these questions: • Print the Leader Resource. Cut apart the • How do you think Ann felt to receive the quotations and put them in the basket. earrings? • Decide how you will form teams. • How do you think Rita felt, giving Ann the • Read over the quotes with your co-leader and earrings? be ready to suggest possible real life scenarios, • Ann could afford to buy earrings that were more should youth need help. expensive than the ones Rita wore. Why do you Description of Activity think Rita gave them to Ann? Why do you think Participants use quotes about humility to create skits. Rita waited until the last day to give her gift? Tell the group that Confucius said, "Humility is the solid • What might be the value of the earrings to Ann? foundation of all the virtues." Ask: To Rita? • What do you think Confucius meant by this? • Have you ever received a gift, a boon, something made more valuable than just the • Can you give an example? price tag because of who gave it to you or the Say that sometimes an idea can sound great in abstract, way in which you received it? but is harder to translate well to real life situations. Invite • Have you ever had a humbling experience? youth to practice translating noble sentiments into real What happened? How did you feel? life situations. The group will break into teams. Each team will randomly pick a quote and invent a real life Share this quotation from the author C.S. Lewis: situation to illustrate the wisdom of the quote. Turn the The point is that each person's pride is in situation into a short skit, three minutes or less. competition with everyone else's pride. It is Divide into teams of three or more. Do not have more because I wanted to be the big noise at the than four teams. Let each team pick a quote from the party that I am so annoyed at someone else basket, without reading it beforehand. Let teams discuss being the big noise. Two of a trade never agree. and rehearse in private spaces, if available, for 10 Now what you want to get clear is that Pride is minutes. If a team has difficulty thinking of a skit to essentially competitive—is competitive by its 100

illustrate their quote, either be ready with suggestions or • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop let them pick another quote. 1, Activity 3, Practice) After 15 minutes, gather the group back together and • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other ask teams to present their skits. Afterwards, discuss the decorations skits. • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors • What was the process like? Preparation for Activity • Some quotes did not mention the word "humility" • If needed, read instructions for making the at all. Was it difficult to establish what the quote anklets in the Before You Start section of the had to do with humility? program Introduction and in Workshop 1, • If the Marianne Williamson quote was used, Decision Making. what is the difference between what she • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, describes and pride? and participants' journals if these are also kept • Did participants use humility during the planning on-site. of the skit? In what ways? Does humility— • Write on newsprint, and post: understanding that you are no better nor worse than anyone else, acknowledging that everyone o When was there a time that you practiced has unique gifts to share, not seeking to humility? promote your ideas above anyone else's—make o What made it possible for you to practice for a good team player? humility in this instance? • What qualities have you seen in the opposite: a o Have you ever experienced circumstances "bad sport"? where it would have been helpful for you to • What common themes could be identified in the practice more humility? skits? o What are the areas of your life now where • In what ways did constructing the skit help you you could practice humility to help you be understand the practice of humility? the person you want to be? Description of Activity ACTIVITY 4: DILEMMAS (10 Participants understand how the practice of humility MINUTES) affects their lives. Materials for Activity Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the • Leader Resource 2, Humility Dilemmas questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or (included in this document) meditate on the questions. While they work, you might offer this additional prompt: Preparation for Activity • The person with humility can acknowledge a • Print the Leader Resource for yourself and mistake, which is a necessary step to learning volunteer readers. from one's mistakes. Have you ever, out of Description of Activity pride, refused to admit your mistake? Did this Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. work for you, or against you? How? Seek a volunteer to read each of the two scenarios. For Invite participants to share journal writing to their level of each dilemma, open the floor to reactions and answers. comfort. You may wish to remind youth that you are a Ask the youth if it reminds them of other dilemmas they mandated reporter and, if anyone discloses behavior have experienced or heard of, real or fictional. What part that could be dangerous to themselves or others, you does humility play in the dilemma? will need to report it. Listen to what is said. When sharing is complete or after ten minutes, invite ACTIVITY 5: PRACTICE (15 youth to take the next five minutes to decorate cork MINUTES) beads. Distribute participants' clipboards, new beads (one per youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to Materials for Activity decorate a bead while reflecting on their personal • Newsprint, markers, and tape experiences with humility. Remind them that the beads will act as a reminder to use their highest values. • Participants' journals, and writing instruments

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As participants finish, have them add this bead to the lead the activity, print information from the anklet they started in Workshop 1. website to share with the group. If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with • Optional: Test the computer, Internet a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and connection, and website link. instruction to begin their anklet. Description of Activity Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making Say in these words or your own: materials, and store for the next workshop. This is a true story of a man who was humbled CLOSING (5 MINUTES) and it changed his life: Materials for Activity Narayanan Krishnan was on his way to becoming a five-star chef in Switzerland when • Newsprint, markers, and tape he encountered a man on the street of his • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- hometown in Maduria, India. The man belonged operated candle to a group called "untouchables." Though India is working to combat classism, classes still exist. • Taking It Home (included in this document) One traditional class that has brought infamy to Preparation for Activity the country is Untouchables. These people are • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for considered so low that many people will literally all participants. not touch them. Narayanan reached out to touch the old man and his life was changed forever. • Write the closing quotation on newsprint, leaving Not because he was stained or cursed by the room for editorial changes. Post the newsprint. touch, but because he was blessed to find his Description of Activity life's work. He started feeding the hungry fresh- cooked meals, using his personal savings. His Tell participants: ministry to literally "the least of these" has grown Today's quote is from the 19th century and and become Akshaya USA. This organization is speaks of "great men." At the time, this gender currently trying to build a homeless shelter so exclusion was common, but it is not acceptable they can help more people. today. The Akshaya website makes this statement: Ask the youth to help you make this quotation inclusive "Today, did you... shower, eat something, get of all genders, including transgender people: your medicine, sleep indoors? Now imagine those starving, exhausted, mentally ill, filthy, I believe that the first test of a truly great man is abused and left for dead on the street. If it were his humility. I don't mean by humility, doubt of your street, your neighborhood, you know what his power. But really great men have a curious you'd do... " feeling that the greatness is not of them, but through them. And they see something divine in Ask the youth: every other man and are endlessly, foolishly, • What would you do? incredibly merciful. —John Ruskin (1819-1900), art critic • Who are the untouchables in your life? Are there people in your neighborhood who some people Write the editorial changes on the newsprint. feel are not worthy of a helping hand? Have a volunteer read the modified quotation while • What can your group do to help those who are another extinguishes the chalice. slipping between the cracks and do not get Distribute Taking It Home. services to help with their needs? FAITH IN ACTION: UNTOUCHABLES One group the youth might identify is the mentally ill. Some homeless people on our streets have mental Materials for Activity illness that makes their search for resources all the harder. If youth do not, suggest mentally ill homeless • Optional: Computer with Internet access and a people. Lead a discussion about how the youth can digital projector or a large monitor help. Is there a local hospital or community center which Preparation for Activity serves the mentally ill and needs donations? Designate • Preview the Akshaya website. If you will not a volunteer to find out what items are needed and have have a computer with Internet access when you the group hold a collection drive. 102

Consider baking holiday treats for a hospital or On the Gratefulness website, you can light a candle in community center for Valentine's Day. Tell their patrons appreciation for good things in your life or if you feel in that somebody loves them. need of support for something troublesome. Share this site with your friends. Perhaps services for the mentally ill need more public funding. The group could write to their local, state, or The Doctor (PG-13, 1991, directed by Randa Haines) is national legislators and urge them to allocate funds. a movie about a cocky physician who becomes seriously ill and is humbled by his experiences as a patient. What Or, encourage the youth to hold a fundraiser for the other movies about humbling experiences can you think shelter being built by Akshaya. of? LEADER REFLECTION AND ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE PLANNING CHALLENGES Reflect upon the workshop with your co-leader. Which Materials for Activity activities did the group enjoy most? Were varied learning styles addressed? Are the group dynamics • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening taking shape in a healthy way, or are there issues you Description of Activity should address? Did participants keep to the covenant? Do co-leaders feel the work is shared equally? Did you Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. have fun? If someone shared an experience in check-in or during Read the next workshop for any advance preparation any workshop activities that the group would like to needed and decide who will be responsible for what. explore further, do so now. This could be particularly useful if an experience resonated with many TAKING IT HOME participants. If several challenges are already listed on the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to Compassion directed to oneself is humility. — discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. Simone Weil You might use these questions to structure a discussion: IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we discussed the virtue of humility. We read quotations from holy texts and wise • What virtues could this challenge bring into people on humility and turned those words into real life play? situations. We journaled about ways we might practice • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If the virtue of humility in our lives. so, what values? How do they conflict? Just for Fun. The Virtues Project website has a game • What are possible solutions to this challenge? called Five Spread. It resembles a Tarot card reading, Are they equally good? Why or why not? but with suggested virtues to help you with a dilemma you are experiencing. Remember: No game on a Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in computer can understand you or your personal hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we situations. The game's predictions are random and want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always should not be taken too seriously. However, if you find easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do information that seems useful, consider it. After all, who need to keep trying. among us cannot benefit from practicing virtues? ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: Humility. Rap music is known for its boasting. Virtually every rap artist and group has a song espousing their GRATITUDE AS A SPIRITUAL supremacy. For example, Kanye West in "Stronger" PRACTICE (20 MINUTES) commands us to, "Bow in the presence of greatness." Materials for Activity While boasting is often associated with men, female rap artists get in the act, too. Joanna Newsom says, in "The • Newsprint, markers, and tape Book of Right-On," "Do you want to sit at my table?/ My • Handout 1, Gratitude for What We May Take for fighting fame is fabled/ And fortune finds me fit and Granted (included in this document) able." The Am I Right website (Making Fun of Music, One Song at a Time) collects boasts from music. Many • Optional: A computer with Internet access and a samples have been sent in and you can see that rap is digital projector or a large monitor not the only genre full of boasting. Do you have lyrics to • Optional: Participants' journals, or writing paper; submit? pens/pencils • Optional: Soothing music, and a music player 103

Preparation for Activity illness, and death, as experiences to be grateful for?" The author seems to say we should be grateful for • Post blank newsprint. everything that makes us human. Acknowledge that this • Optional: Obtain participants' journals, if they are is challenging, and requires intention. Is this prayer one stored on-site. participants feel is valuable? • Optional: Choose some soothing music. Test Point out that this prayer speaks to one of the messages your music player and queue the music. of this program: We are all imperfect beings, practicing being virtuous people... ailing... and practicing again. • Optional: Preview the Gratefulness website. Test equipment and Internet access in the Variation meeting space. If you have Internet access, visit the Gratefulness Description of Activity website and lead the group to light a virtual candle in Participants focus on gratefulness as a by-product of appreciation of something for which they are grateful. humility and practice being intentionally grateful. Encourage youth to consider making a spiritual practice of gratefulness. Ask the group what is the relationship between humility and gratefulness. If no one offers, suggest that humility ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: MY CARE helps us see we have many undeserved gifts for which AND FEEDING BOOKLET (30 we should be grateful. MINUTES) Brainstorm ways people express that they are grateful. Note contributions briefly on newsprint. Use these Materials for Activity prompts, if needed: • 8 1/2 x 11-inch writing paper and construction • Saying "thank you" paper • Offering a prayer of gratitude • A stapler • Sending thank-you cards • Pens/pencils/markers • Donating money to organizations that help • Optional: Additional decorating materials, such people in need as stickers, glitter, etc. Description of Activity • Directly helping others who are in need Youth create a booklet on the care and feeding of • Lighting candles during a worship service (Joys humility. and Concerns) Say, in these words or your own: Tell participants that some people practice gratefulness as a spiritual practice. A spiritual practice is an activity Have you ever read a booklet or a web page on you do regularly that helps you feel spiritually connected how to take care of a new pet or plant? Living or fulfilled. A spiritual practice is a time to focus on being things, if they are to survive, need nurturance the kind of person you wish to be. Some spiritual What does a plant need to survive? [Affirm practices offer a "time-out" from the regular hustle and correct responses.] bustle of our days. Others may be an activity you do, perhaps with others, as an expression of your spiritual What does your pet need to survive? [Affirm self. correct responses.] Gather ideas for how you could practice gratefulness Now, think of the virtue of humility. If you want to regularly. You may find ideas on the newsprint list. stay humble, keep humility alive in you, how will you nurture it? [Responses may include Suggest the group try one or more practices now. Play remembering to be grateful; sharing credit for soothing music if you have brought some. If you have group projects; practicing an art, craft, or sport journals or writing paper, distribute to the youth and to become better; or praising others for their invite them to quietly write or draw. Or, youth can pray or hard work. Prompt if needed.] As a reminder of meditate. what you need to practice to keep humility alive Distribute Handout 1, Gratitude for What We May Take in your life, you can make a booklet, "My Care for Granted, by Unitarian Universalist minister L. Annie and Feeding of Humility Booklet." Foerster. Have volunteers take turns reading sections of Demonstrate how to fold a few sheets of paper in half the prayer aloud. Ask, "What do you think about the way and staple to make the booklet. Use construction paper the prayer poses difficult situations, like oppression, 104

for the cover. Invite participants to make booklets, fill the pages with tips on the care and feeding of humility, including illustrations, and design a cover. Encourage the youth to share ideas. If time permits, invite a few volunteers to share their booklets. Invite the youth to take their booklets home.

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or two, maybe a plastic chair, pots and pans. This was STORY: THE VALUE OF A GIFT poverty beyond what I had seen in the States. Still, Ann What is the value of a gift given? seemed more shocked than I. After all, if hunger was a reality for these villages, they would not spend money Is it just the dollar amount on the price tag or are some on extraneous furniture. gifts worth much more? On the last day, we packed our bags, stripped our beds, Let me tell you about a gift that was not worth much and loaded the bus. I came back into the dorm room for monetarily, but which made a wealthy woman richer the last time, to retrieve a bag I had forgotten. Ann was than she could have imagined. sitting on her naked bed, her head lowered, her arms I was fortunate to participate in an international outstretched in front of her. She said nothing as I charitable organization's trip to Honduras. The trip was entered the room, so I knew something must be wrong. for educators, which was defined broadly: some of the "Ann, are you okay?" I asked. For a time, she said people on the tour were schoolteachers, others nothing. volunteered at local schools to help children learn about the work of the organization. Our support for this "She gave me her earrings," she finally volunteered, still organization and belief in the value of education was not looking up. what we shared. Otherwise, we were an eclectic bunch, "Who gave you her earrings?" varied in age, location, ethnicity, and class. We were led by Rita, a local woman, married to the Presbyterian "Rita. I complimented her on her earrings the other day minister who organized the Honduras program. and she brought them today just to give them to me. I can't believe she did that. She has so little... ." her voice I was assigned to a dorm with three other women. One drifted off, her hands unclenched and I saw the of those women was Ann. Ann was tall and lanky. She inexpensive little beaded earrings in her palms. She was gregarious and loud. She wore comfortable clothes looked up, deep into my eyes. Tears were rolling down in muted colors, but they looked expensive. Even her her face. In the silence of the tiny room, I swear I could shoes looked expensive. Ann did not need to work for a feel Ann's heart beating stronger and louder than living; she lived in a small New England town and humanely possible. I smiled at her. She smiled back. volunteered at the local historical society. After the trip, Together, we picked up our bags and walked to the bus she planned to share her experiences with the rest of to start our journey home. the ladies at the historical society. As her roommates, we heard all about it. We heard about her horses, her antique jewelry, her summer place, her two Mini Coopers. Ann's conversation revolved around her possessions. We heard all about them because my other two roommates virtually drooled over her lifestyle. You could hear the longing and envy in their urges for her to tell more. During the day, we toured sites where the charity was working with local partners to end hunger. Ann strode into villages, with a bright smile and jovial banter, and made easy friends. She was funny and a master of sparkling conversation — what was there not to like? She always had questions and was generous with her opinions. She noticed other people's possessions. She complimented our translator/guide, Rita, on her earrings. She raved about my green hiking boots. She was always the last one back from shopping trips, one time purchasing a large, hand-carved bench that was going to cost almost as much to ship to her home as what she had paid for it. During one long bus ride, she leaned over to me and whispered, "Look inside their houses!" I started peeking quickly into open doorways of the simple huts sitting beside the road. In many of them, I only saw a hammock 106

HANDOUT 1: GRATITUDE FOR WHAT WE MAY TAKE FOR GRANTED By Reverend L. Annie Foerster, in For Praying Out Loud: Interfaith Prayers for Public Occasions (Boston: Skinner House, 2003), used with permission. SPIRIT OF ALL GIFTS AND GRACE We are not ungrateful—not all the time. We know that life is a precious gift. Though we would appear at times to squander it, remember the ways we do not: When we are happy, accept our joy as gratitude for all opportunities, accepted and ignored. When we are broken, accept our tears and anger as gratitude for feeling deeply. When we reach out to others, accept our compassion as gratitude for conscience and compassion. When we choose solitude, accept our silence as gratitude for the deepness of spirit we are seeking. When we act thoughtlessly, accept our mistakes as gratitude for the freedom we have in our lives. When we act foolishly, accept our lapses as gratitude for the lessons we have yet to learn. When we share our stories, accept the telling of our lives as gratitude for community and family. When we worship, accept our ritual mumblings as symbols of gratitude for all they represent. Spirit of Thanksgiving, when we remember to give thanks for life and love, for knowledge and wisdom, for freedom to act and for freedom from oppression, accept our obvious omissions as unspoken gratitude for suffering that brings us compassion, for sorrow that helps us grow, for disappointment that gives us determination, for illness that offers healing, and for death that makes way for new cycles of life and creation. Amen.

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or abandoning humility while seeking to lead LEADER RESOURCE 1: HUMILITY will only lead to greater trouble. QUOTES The compassionate warrior will be the winner, 1. from The Tao de Ching, Chapter 22, translated by J.H. MacDonald and if compassion is your defense you will be secure. If you want to become whole, Compassion is the protector of Heavens salvation. first let yourself become broken. 3. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It If you want to become straight, is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We first let yourself become twisted. ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You If you want to become full, are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve first let yourself become empty. the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We If you want to become new, are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to first let yourself become old. make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our Those whose desires are few gets them, own light shine, we unconsciously give other people those whose desires are great go astray. permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. — For this reason the Master embraces the Tao, Marianne Williamson, in A Return To Love: Reflections as an example for the world to follow. on the Principles of A Course in Miracles Because she isn't self centered, 4. The (true) servants of (God) the Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the people can see the light in her. ignorant address them, reply with (words of) peace. — Because she does not boast of herself, Quran, 25:63 she becomes a shining example. 5. Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to serve, it is to think, it is to be humble. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Because she does not glorify herself, 6. It is a wholesome and necessary thing for us to turn she becomes a person of merit. again to the earth and in the contemplation of her Because she wants nothing from the world, beauties to know of wonder and humility. — Rachel Carson the world can not overcome her. 7. Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, When the ancient Masters said, than to divide the spoil with the proud. — Hebrew "If you want to become whole, scripture, Proverbs 16:19 then first let yourself be broken," they weren't using empty words. All who do this will be made complete. 2. from The Tao de Ching, an excerpt from Chapter 67, translated by J.H. MacDonald There are three jewels that I cherish: compassion, moderation, and humility. With compassion, you will be able to be brave, With moderation, you will be able to give to others, With humility, you will be able to become a great leader. To abandon compassion while seeking to be brave, or abandoning moderation while being benevolent,

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LEADER RESOURCE 2: HUMILITY DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 Your table in geography class is assigned to work together as a team to create a PowerPoint presentation on Cuba. Everyone at the table takes responsibility for the information in four slides. Everyone together decides on slide design and progression. You suggest adding mambo music to the PowerPoint. You find the music and spend hours working out how to add it to the presentation. When presented in class, the teacher loves the addition of the music. She praises it. One of your tablemates says, "Yeah, we thought it would be a nice touch." No one mentions that it was your idea. Your feelings are hurt. You feel as if your tablemates do not appreciate the time you put into adding the music which enriched the PowerPoint and helped attain the A-plus. What do you do? Dilemma 2 It is time for elections in your school's Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA). You served as vice president last year and are prepared to step into the presidency. The GSA has made many plans for the future and you were heavily involved in setting the group's goals. Your friends are excited about electing you. They know you have sacrificed playing sports and being involved in leadership in other clubs to focus on strengthening the GSA. The day before the election you find out that the quietest member of the GSA—a new student who transferred to your school mid-year—was president of the GSA at their old high school. That school has a reputation for having a very active and widely supported GSA. You are wondering which of you would make the best president. You doubt that the new member will even be nominated. What do you do?

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FIND OUT MORE The Humanity Quest website promotes the exploration of 500 values, including humility. A search under any particular value will give you links to resources that may include quotations, art and other activities, e-lists and newsletters dealing with this value, art that expresses this value, and reference material. Read an interesting, scholarly article on boasting: "Flytes of Fancy: Boasting and Boasters from Beowulf to Gangsta Rap" by Alta Cools Halama in Essays in Medieval Studies. Mother Nature has a way of humbling us all, especially when a natural disaster occurs. In his article "Humility in a Climate Age," Paul Wapner (Tikkun magazine, May/June 2010) looks at two ways to approach our current environmental crisis: with humility, which calls for lifestyle changes, or with "mastery," which argues that we should devise technologies to fix our problem.

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Faith in Action: Gleaning

WORKSHOP 9: GENEROSITY Closing 5 INTRODUCTION Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges

To practice five things under all circumstances Alternate Activity 2: Grace 30 constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and SPIRITUAL PREPARATION kindness. — Confucius At which are you better, giving or receiving? Some This workshop demonstrates that a generous spirit people love to give, but are less comfortable receiving involves more than a willingness to give of one's from others. If this is the case with you, think of a time financial resources. Participants acknowledge you gave away something, although you did not possess abundance in their lives and identify different resources it in abundance. How did that feel? Did you feel they can share generously. They explore the concepts liberated? Did you feel generous? Did your act give you of gratitude for what we have (no matter how little it may joy? Holding that feeling, imagine someone giving seem to others) and joy we can experience when we something to you—a resource you lack. Perhaps give. someone shown patience with you, when you were impatient with yourself, or shared wisdom with you GOALS exactly when you needed it. Imagine the giver being This workshop will: filled with that sense of liberation, that joy. Realize that by graciously receiving their generosity, you enabled • Examine the meaning of generosity these wonderful feelings. • Highlight resources, other than financial, that Now think about the kind of giver you are. Is there youth can give generously something you have been called on to give, but of which • Explore situations where generosity is used or you cannot let go? Are you debating stepping up to called for accept a position of leadership? Are letters from charities piling up on your desk? Imagine yourself giving • Guide youth to identify themselves as generous this resource away. Could your giving transform people. someone's life? Imagine their joy. Imagine your feeling of liberation. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Imagine your soul's capacity for generosity growing, as Participants will: you focus on abundance instead of scarcity. Balance the • Explore the meaning of generosity benefits with the real possible consequences. What is the worst that could happen? How would you survive it? • Discuss dilemmas where generosity is needed Would the risk be worth the potential gain? Only you can • Identify times they have used generosity and decide. The trick is to make sure your choices reflect commit to the future use of generosity in their your values. lives. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 10

Activity 1: Story — The Other Half 10

Activity 2: Two Sides to Every Virtue 10

Activity 3: What Have I Got to Give? 15

Activity 4: A Generous Spirit 15

Activity 5: Dilemma 10

Activity 6: Practice 15 111

OPENING (10 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: STORY – THE OTHER HALF (10 MINUTES) Materials for Activity Materials for Activity • Newsprint, markers, and tape • Story, “The Other Half” (included in this • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- document) operated candle Preparation for Activity • Group covenant (Workshop 1) • Read the story and prepare to present it. • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. (Workshop 1) Description of Activity • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges (included in this document) Youth hear and discuss a true story about a family’s generosity. Preparation for Activity Introduce the story by saying it is true. Tell or read the • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. story, then discuss it with these questions: Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you think you will have time and you observe that • The Salwen family’s generosity amounted to youth want to discuss challenges shared in their one million dollars, half the value of their check-in. mansion. Did they sacrifice to give such a large sum of money, and, if so, what did they • Post the chalice lighting words. sacrifice? • Post the group covenant. • What else did the Salwens give besides money? • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in • What did they gain by giving? Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. Tell the group The Power of Half (New York: Houghton Description of Activity Mifflin Harcourt, 2010) is a book written by the father and daughter. The dad tells the story, interspersed with Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the suggestions from Hannah on ways readers can engage group to recite the chalice lighting words: with this work. One suggestion is to consider what can The thought manifests as the word you give away half of. For the Salwens, it was a house. The word manifests as the deed; Hannah gives a couple of suggestions, including giving The deed develops into habit; away half your clothes to a second-hand shop. Ask: And habit hardens into character; • Could you do this? Which half would you give So watch the thought and its ways with care, away? And let it spring from love Born out of concern for all beings... • What other suggestions do you have for As the shadow follows the body, resources you might cut in half and then give As we think, so we become. half away? — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the Conclude: Buddha This experiment caused the Salwens to view generosity Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral in a new way. Though they were already donating to challenges they have experienced since the last charities and helping out in soup kitchens, they decided meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further it was not enough. How do you know when you are explore the group's challenges. If youth appear giving enough to make the world better? interested in discussing a particular challenge but you feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the ACTIVITY 2: TWO SIDES TO EVERY person who shared it to write a short description of the challenge on the Bicycle Rack. VIRTUE (10 MINUTES) Description of Activity Tell participants that today you will talk about generosity. Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the virtue of generosity. Invite youth to sit for a moment and think about generosity as a virtue. These prompts might be useful: 112

• What have you been told about generosity: Often, when we talk about generosity, we limit ourselves What it means, when to use it, when not to use to thinking of money only. Giving financially to it? organizations and people who are trying to help the world be a more just place or to people who have • What have you been told about stinginess? material needs is important, but it is not the only way we What is the difference between being “frugal” can be generous. and being “stingy?” Ask the group to brainstorm resources with which we • What resources do you have that you could be can be generous. Make sure they include: our time, our generous with? Does the amount of resources talents or expertise, our knowledge, our heart (loving you have influence how generous you might be? generously), and our support or enthusiasm. Write, or How do you measure your generosity, have a volunteer write, each suggested resource on the especially if what you are giving is not money? newsprint in an appropriate place on the body. For What “amount” are you comfortable with in example, they might write “knowledge” on the head. Let different situations? the resources be as general or specific as the youth like. • Is there anyone you admire who is generous? In Now invite participants to think quietly for one minute of what way do they live out their generosity? a time someone was unexpectedly generous to them • Has being generous ever backfired on you? with a resource other than money. After one minute, have the youth partner with one other person and share • What other questions come to mind when you their stories. Give pairs four minutes, telling the pairs think about generosity? when two minutes have passed and they should switch Invite youth to share their reflections, with statements speakers. that start “On the positive side…” or “On the negative Re-gather the group. Ask a few volunteers to share their side…”. For example, “On the positive side, I feel own story with the entire group. In each story, help the liberated when I am generous with my money. I feel it youth identify what resource was given. Ask the reflects my commitment to value people more than storyteller how it felt to be the recipient of such possessions.” Or, “On the negative side, some people generosity. Remind the group that during the Practice are always giving things away: money or possessions. activity, they will be asked to find an area of their life When someone gives to me more than I feel I can give where they could be more generous. Point to the back, I feel indebted and I resent that.” Do youth have brainstormed list and say that generosity is not about statements that do not fit either clause? Discuss these having a lot of money to give away. It is about having a as a group. generous spirit or soul. Make sure these points are discussed: ACTIVITY 4: A GENEROUS SPIRIT • Sometimes a situation can be positive when looked at one way and negative another. (15 MINUTES) • Do moderation and balance have a place here, Materials for Activity too? Is there such a thing as being too • Chalice and centering table generous? If so, where is the line drawn? Who • draws it? Candles for all participants (including leaders), and a lighter, or LED/battery-operated tea lights ACTIVITY 3: WHAT HAVE I GOT TO for all participants GIVE? (15 MINUTES) • Story, "The Gift of a Gemstone" (included in this document) Materials for Activity • Handout 1, Litany of Generosity (included in this • Newsprint, markers, and tape document) Preparation for Activity Preparation for Activity • Draw the outline of a person on newsprint, and • Plan how you will engage the youth in a worship post. experience. Youth might read the chalice Description of Activity lighting, read the story, open a reflection, read Youth consider diverse ways to be generous. parts in the Litany of Generosity (Handout 1), and/or each light a candle. Assign reading parts Say in these words, or your own: to volunteers ahead of time, and give them their parts in advance.

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• Copy the handout for all participants. Seek a volunteer to read one of the two scenarios. Open the floor to reactions and answers. For each dilemma, • Set the chalice and the candles or tea lights on ask participants if this reminds them of another dilemma a centering table, with the chalice. they have encountered or heard of, real or fictional. Ask, Description of Activity “How could generosity be expressed in this dilemma?” Youth explore generosity as a spiritual practice. ACTIVITY 6: PRACTICE (15 Invite the youth to participate in worship with you. Assign MINUTES) volunteer roles you have not yet assigned. Distribute handouts as needed. Materials for Activity Gather the group around the chalice. If it has been • Newsprint, markers, and tape extinguished, relight it with these words by Jacques • Participants’ journals, and writing instruments Yves Cousteau: • Participants’ clipboards with anklets (Workshop It takes generosity to discover the whole through others. 1, Activity 3, Practice) If you realize you are only a violin, you can open yourself up to the world by playing your role in the • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other concert. decorations Tell or read the story “The Gift of a Gemstone.” • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors Invite participants to reflect silently on gifts transformed: Preparation for Activity Has there been a time they gave away something that • If needed, read instructions for making the was insignificant to them but of great value to someone anklets in the Before You Start section of the else? Have they ever given a gift they assumed would program Introduction and in Workshop 1, be used in one way, but the recipient used it in another? Decision Making. How did they feel? Were they able to give freely and feel joyful for the recipient? After two minutes, invite • Retrieve participants’ clipboards with anklets, volunteers to share. and participants’ journals if these are also kept on-site. Indicate the candles or tea lights. Ask everyone to join in the litany. Explain who will read which lines and how you • Write on newsprint, and post: would like the group to light the candles. For example, o When was a time you felt your actions were you might have volunteers each read a line in the litany, generous? then light a candle. Have youth without a reading part each light a candle during the refrains that start, “Spirit o What made it possible for you to be of Life and Love…” or invite them to add their own line to generous in this instance? the litany. o Have you ever experienced a situation Including All Participants where it would have been helpful to me more generous? Arrange the space for this worship so everyone can meaningfully participate. A youth with mobility limitations o In what areas of your life now could you use could have a partner light their candle while they read a generosity to help you be the person you line of the litany. Do not put any youth on the spot to want to be? read aloud. Description of Activity ACTIVITY 5: DILEMMA (10 MINUTES) Participants understand how the use of generosity affects their lives. Materials for Activity Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the • Leader Resource 1, Generosity Dilemmas questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or (included in this document) meditate on the questions. Remind participants one can Preparation for Activity be generous with many different resources, not just • Print the Leader Resource for yourself and money. For example, you can give your time, your volunteer readers. talent, your feelings, or your knowledge. Description of Activity Additional prompts you may add, while the group journals: Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas.

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• What can I uniquely share with my community FAITH IN ACTION: GLEANING (family, friends, congregation, city, world)? Materials for Activity • Whose generosity have I not acknowledged? • Supplies for gleaning work—for example, • Whose generosity do I admire? Why? gardening gloves or latex gloves; bags, baskets, • Do I use one type of generosity too much or other approved containers; sturdy shoes because I am afraid or unwilling to give of • Optional: A computer with Internet access myself in other ways? Preparation for Activity Invite participants to share journal writing to their level of • Does the Society of St. Andrew have a branch in comfort. You may wish to remind youth that you are a your community? If so, organize your gleaning mandated reporter and, if anyone discloses behavior trip through them. If not, research groups in your that could be dangerous to themselves or others, you area that do gleaning or food recovery work and will need to report it. Listen to what is said. If needed, will accept the youth as volunteers. Determine if guide the group toward concrete examples of practicing a representative of the organization can speak the virtue of generosity in real life. If remarks seem too to youth about local hunger issues. If no abstract, challenge youth to create specific “to do” items speaker is available, prepare to present from the based on their reflections. Internet site of the group you are working with or Distribute participants’ clipboards, new beads (one per to print out materials to share. Find out how the youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to youth should equip themselves for this project. decorate a bead while reflecting on their personal Make arrangements to bring any needed experiences with generosity. Remind them that the supplies. beads will act as a reminder to use their highest values. • Make plans for a service project the youth can As participants finish, have them add this bead to the do. anklet they started in Workshop 1. • Research current information on hunger in the If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with world, the U.S., and your community. Two a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and websites that might help are the World Food instruction to begin their anklet. Programme of the United Nations and Food Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making Research and Action Center's list of states' anti- materials, and store for the next workshop. hunger organizations. If you will have a guest speaker, ask them to include this information: It CLOSING (5 MINUTES) is important youth know why they are providing service and to whom. Make sure this part of the Materials for Activity activity includes telling youth where and how the • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- recovered food will be used. operated candle Description of Activity • Taking It Home (included in this document) The group works with an agency whose mission is to Preparation for Activity alleviate hunger locally. • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for Present information on the Society of St. Andrew. If you all participants. have Internet capability, have the youth peruse the Society of St. Andrew website. If you have the option to • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for work with different groups, present information about all a volunteer to read. the options and let the group decide which organization Description of Activity best suits their needs. Have a volunteer read the quotation while another Explain that "gleaning" is a process where fields that extinguishes the chalice: have been harvested are picked over for any small remains. Gleaning appears in the Hebrew scriptures, It takes generosity to discover the whole through where farmers are commanded to leave the corners of others. If you realize you are only a violin, you their land unharvested so the hungry can come and can open yourself up to the world by playing glean food they need. Modern day gleaning includes your role in the concert. — Jacques Yves working with farmers who have leftover produce they Cousteau cannot sell and bringing that produce to people who are Distribute Taking It Home. hungry, sometimes through food recovery agencies that 115

package food to distribute, other times through soup ask this question is to ask, "What would you like to kitchens. liberate?" Once you choose an organization, arrange a date to What Do You Have That You Can Give? glean. Arrange for a representative of the organization to Want to recognize someone's birthday or special talk to the youth beforehand about local hunger issues. occasion, but lack funds? Give a service IOU. Give your Make sure you have information on how the food sibling a coupon good for one bedroom cleaning. Give gleaned will be used. If possible, involve the youth in your best friend an IOU promise to go see a movie you delivering the gleaned food. do not want to see but they do. Including All Participants Hunger Inform the organization you will work with about accessibility needs of your group. Invite family and friends to do the 30 Hour Famine with you. This activity will help you start to understand what LEADER REFLECTION AND millions experience every single day. Seek sponsors for PLANNING your famine and donate funds to a group that works to end hunger. Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. Which activities did the group enjoy most? Were varied ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE learning styles addressed? Are group dynamics taking CHALLENGES shape in a healthy way or are there issues you should address? Did participants keep to the covenant? Do co- Materials for Activity leaders feel the work is shared equally? Did you have • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening fun? Description of Activity Read the next workshop for any advance preparation Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. needed and decide who will be responsible for what. If someone shared an experience in check-in or during TAKING IT HOME any workshop activities that the group would like to To practice five things under all circumstances explore further, do so now. This could be particularly constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, useful if an experience resonated with many generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and participants. If several challenges are already listed on kindness. — Confucius the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we discussed having a generous spirit, which allows one to be generous with all You might use these questions to structure a discussion: resources and gifts, not just money. We learned about • What virtues could this challenge bring into the Salwen family, who sold their home and gave half play? the proceeds to a village in Ghana. • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If The Salwens so, what values? How do they conflict? Read The Power of Half (New York: Houghton Mifflin • What are possible solutions to this challenge? Harcourt, 2010). It offers great suggestions from the Are they equally good? Why or why not? daughter, Hannah, on how to grow a more generous spirit. Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we Watch this excerpt from an ABC television interview. want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always Living with Less easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do need to keep trying. Generous can mean giving away extra. It can also mean living with less. With today's threats to our environment, ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: GRACE (30 people in affluent countries need to learn to live with MINUTES) less. By moving to a smaller home and working together for a common, long-range goal, the Salwens Materials for Activity rediscovered the joy of spending time together as a • A treat—one for each youth family. Discuss with your family ways you could live with less. What could be some benefits of doing so? Giving • For swans: Paper for origami, 6-inch squares in up a resource can be liberating. Perhaps another way to different colors

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• Handout 2, Grace Reflections (included in this for and undeserved? For example, has a document) teacher ever surprised them with a gift of “no homework?" • Handouts 3-7, Origami Instructions – Swan (included in this document) Invite participants to think of ways they could be generous and give the gift of grace. Ask them to think of • Optional: Music, and music player someone who would benefit from knowing they are • Optional: For doves: 8-inch diameter paper thinking of them. Perhaps it is someone they witnessed dollies doing a quiet act of kindness, or someone dealing with illness or hardships gracefully. They might want to give • Optional: A computer with Internet access, and them a swan. Another option is folding an origami dove a digital projector or large monitor for someone whose life seems particularly stressful and Preparation for Activity chaotic at the moment. Distribute Handouts 3-7, Origami • Print Handout 2 and Handouts 3-7 for all Instructions – Swan, and paper for folding. participants. If you have Internet access, show the instructional • Optional: Choose music that evokes generosity video(s). Be ready to stop and start the video to allow of spirit. Test the music player. everyone to move at their own pace. • Optional: If you will have Internet access, plan to If you are not using instructional videos, or after the show a video on how to fold an origami dove or videos are finished, play music you have brought while origami swan. One simple, short dove origami youth fold animals. video is posted on YouTube. Here is one for a swan, by Howcast and another, longer, more complex swan posted by Rob. Description of Activity Youth grapple with the religious concept of grace. Present the treat to the group. The treat could be edible, such as cups of sherbet, or inedible, such as small, attractive stones, pieces of amethyst, or dollar store gifts. Ask the group if they know the occasion for the gift. After guesses, tell them you gave it to them “just because.” Ask if anyone has ever given them a gift “just because” before. Seek volunteers to talk about the situations involving the gifts. Focus on how it felt to be given something they did not expect, possibly did not even feel they deserved. Distribute Handout 2 and read the definition of grace from Babcock, a Christian scholar. The Christian concept says that humans are saved not because they are good but through God’s grace, which comes from God’s great love. It is God’s grace that allowed Jesus to be born a man, suffer, and die for human salvation. Can the concept of grace have meaning for non-Christians? Read the Unitarian Universalist quotations from the Handout. Then, lead a discussion with these questions: • Do any of these definitions resonate with you? • Chance Hunter gives examples of small acts of grace. Have you ever had experiences like the ones he describes? • Does the gift have to be something materialistic? Can you think of a time you received a non-material gift that was unasked 117

STORY: THE GIFT OF A GEMSTONE A wisdom tale from many cultures, including Buddhist. A wise woman, a teacher, was passing through a forest. There, among the leaves, was something shiny. She wiped away the leaves and dirt and beheld a beautiful, large gem. "My, this is pretty," the wise woman said. She put the jewel in her pouch and continued on her way. When the sun was high in the sky, she sat down under a tree to eat her simple lunch. She was barely settled, when she saw a figure approaching. It was a man and, to judge from his dress, a poor man. "Kind and gentle lady, do you have any food to share with a poor beggar?" "I have plenty," she replied with a smile, digging into her small sack. She pulled out the gem that was on top, a loaf of bread and a piece of cheese. She offered the bread and cheese to the beggar. But the beggar's eyes had grown big at the sight of the lovely gem. "Sweet lady, that is a magnificent jewel!" he exclaimed. "Yes, do you like it? Here, take it, too." And she gave the man the gem, the bread, and the cheese. The beggar could not believe his luck! He wrapped the gem in his cloak and quickly scampered off. The wise woman arose and started off on her way again. She was surprised a few minutes later to hear footsteps behind her. She turned and saw the beggar before her again. The beggar held out the jewel. "Wise woman, may I give this back to you. I don't want it!" "What do you want?" she asked. "I want whatever it is you have that allowed you to give it away."

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STORY: THE OTHER HALF decision? They would find ways to make up the deficit and stick to their original promise. Hannah Salwen looked left. She saw a man who was homeless, sitting on a fence. She looked right, at the In the end, the Salwens donated enough money to build Mercedes beside them at the intersection. "Dad," she a community center in Ghana. The Salwens traveled to said, "if that man"—she pointed to the Mercedes—"had Ghana to meet the people in the villages. They listened a less nice car, that man there" —she pointed to the to the villagers decide what they could use the most. man who was homeless—"could have a meal." The new center included a mill that villagers use to grind Hannah's father, Kevin answered, "Um, yeah. But you their grain so they could sell it for more to other villages. know, if we had a less nice car, he could have a meal." There was space for a schoolroom for girls, and a clinic. This relationship has grown over the last few years to So began the saga of the Salwen family and how they include another village and the Salwens have donated learned you can give away millions, and still receive more than the original million, as they have discovered something greater in return. other sources to generate income for projects, including The Salwen family was sitting pretty. Kevin and Joan writing a book, The Power of Half. One dollar from each had successful jobs, with nice incomes and benefits. In book sale goes to Rebuilding Together, which provides 1994, they moved with baby Hannah to Atlanta and money for critical home repairs to low income bought a historic home on Peachtree Circle. Joseph was homeowners. born soon after. They went to church and believed in The Salwens keep giving. But they also want everyone helping others. Joan chaired the United Way campaign to know that what they receive—the liberation from at her workplace to collect money for charity. Kevin and materialism, the joy of seeing other families pull Joseph built homes for Habitat for Humanity. Hannah themselves out of poverty—is more precious than gold. spent many more hours at the soup kitchen than she needed to fill a community service requirement at school. They were, by most standards, good people. Yet, after the stop light epiphany, Hannah began to wonder if it was enough. She challenged the rest of the family to think bigger. The stakes were raised when Joan asked if they really needed their two million dollar mansion. This question led to a series of family meetings. Opinions flew fast and furious. "What is it you want to accomplish?" "Am I supposed to give up everything I own?" "How much do we really need?" After many discussions—some ending in anger, some in tears—the decision was made: They would sell their house, give half of it away to people in need, and move into a smaller home. One million dollars is a lot of money. More family meetings were called for to decide how and where to spend it. In the process, the Salwens made a discovery: They had drifted apart. Sports, time with friends, working late, electronic entertainment, and other distractions occupied so much of their time that quality time spent together was virtually nonexistent. Now that they were meeting to discuss how to spend "the half," they remembered how much fun they had together. They discussed topics that were meaningful. Brother and sister became closer. The family listened to presentations from several organizations eager to put their gift to good use. They picked The Hunger Project. There were complications. They committed to donating money, but their house was hard to sell. They had to repeatedly reduce the price. Now, the sale of the house would not amount to the money they pledged to donate. Family meeting. The

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HANDOUT 1: LITANY OF GENEROSITY Spirit of Life and Love, Bless me with a generous heart A generous heart that knows how to give... When I feel as though I do not have enough to share, When I feel unappreciated, When I believe my gifts will fall short of what is needed, expected or desired, When my enemy is in need of mercy, whether asked for or not. Spirit of Life and Love, Bless me with a generous heart A generous heart that knows how to accept with grace... When I receive gifts that I fear are undeserved When I am forgiven by those I have hurt When I am hurting and comfort is received. Spirit of Life and Love, Bless me with a generous heart That I may give joyfully, Receive gratefully, And create loving kindness in my life and the lives of others.

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unexpected moment of peace while taking a walk. Grace HANDOUT 2: GRACE REFLECTIONS is learning something new and amazing about a friend Excerpts used with permission. you've had for years. We encounter grace when we hear a song by a group we've never heard of that changes "[Grace]... is God's granting Salvation not in reward for our lives, or when we make a difference volunteering the moral worth of the human but as a free and because we signed up and showed up. undeserved gift of love." Grace can feel like a wave of relief or a spike of pain, William S. Babcock, Christian scholar but it always leads us in the path of more hope, more "To trust the context—the place in which we must live trust, more love. out our lives—to trust in spite of the chaos and the Grace is always there, waiting to happen. Grace is very tragedy, rather than living in terror of what we have not patient. And polite. Grace never imposes itself. Grace made and cannot control—this is to live gracefully. can surprise us, but it doesn't force itself on us. Grace is To accept the givens of our personal existence and to a willing partner and a constant friend, but it never act responsibly, to act purposefully, in trust, this is to invades, even when our experience of grace feels achieve and to experience a state of grace, a graceful overwhelming. This is at the core of the universalist being. Yet I have not known anyone who has lived message: There is always more than enough grace to grace-fully who has not struggled to live in that way, go around. struggled to learn from pain that has no meaning, and There's no amount of good deeds we can do, and borne the cost of letting go and letting be. there's no magic prayer we can pray, that will guarantee But, I assure you, there is grace. I have felt it at times we receive grace. We receive grace, not because we engulf me, restore me, and bless me with a passing deserve it, but because the universe is fundamentally a vision of harmony and balance. I do not believe that generous place... . Grace isn't just something we grace is a gift imposed on us from above. I believe that receive; it's also something in our power to give. In the grace is a standing invitation, the universe outstretched early verses of the book of Genesis, it says that we are as a hand we beat against until we are finally able to created in God's image. If it's the nature of God to give rest into it." grace, then it's our nature, too. We are most like God when we are being graceful to one another, when we Edward Frost (Unitarian Universalist minister) from make room for the presence of another, whatever the "Amazing Grace” an article from the blog, Frostings. consequences." "So what is grace? Grace is getting more than we Chance Hunter from "Grace wins in the end" an article deserve. It's not winning the jackpot—winning the lottery from UU World (Spring, 2011) is luck, not grace. Instead, grace is finding an

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HANDOUT 3: ORIGAMI INSTRUCTIONS — SWAN From the Origami-instructions website, www.origami-instructions.com. Used with permission. For swan: Fold the paper along one diagonal, then unfold it. Now fold the lower edges of the square into the centerline as shown. This is your kite base. Flip the kite base over. Next make a double fold as shown. Repeat on the other side. Fold the point of the piece upwards. Then fold the head of the swan downwards. Next, fold the swan in half as shown. Pull the neck of the swan away from the body, and unfold the head and body.

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HANDOUT 4: ORIGAMI INSTRUCTIONS — SWAN

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HANDOUT 5: ORIGAMI INSTRUCTIONS — SWAN

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HANDOUT 6: ORIGAMI INSTRUCTIONS — SWAN

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HANDOUT 7: ORIGAMI INSTRUCTIONS — SWAN

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LEADER RESOURCE 1: GENEROSITY DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 There are countless organizations through which you can give money to help those in need. How do you choose? Are children more worthy than animals? What criteria do you use? Does your family use the same criteria? Imagine walking into your congregation and seeing two tables. One is collecting money for Heifer, International; the other, for Greenpeace. Greenpeace endeavors to protect sea life and ecosystems. Greenpeace speaks out and stages actions to call attention to environments that are being endangered by human activity. You like that. However, sometimes, their tactics have been called unlawful, disrespectful, and even dangerous to human lives. Heifer gives animals and plants to people. You like that, too. But some vegetarians and vegans object because many of the animals are eaten. On the other hand, the animals are never given solely for food: All the animals (and plants) provide something the people can sell to increase their household incomes, like wool, milk, or eggs. The income has allowed many families to send children to school or send family members to doctors. You want to give a dollar bill. Neither table has change. Which do you choose and why? Dilemma 2 Do the means justify the ends? What if your bank made a mistake and deposited an extra $100 in your account? Which would be better: notifying the bank of its mistake or giving the money to charity?

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FIND OUT MORE Many organizations work to eliminate world hunger, including Hunger Project, Freedom From Hunger, Action Against Hunger, and the Millennium Project.

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Activity 5: Practice 20 WORKSHOP 10: COURAGE Faith in Action: UU Profiles in Courage

INTRODUCTION Closing 5 I wanted you to see what real courage is, Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges instead of getting the idea that courage is a man Alternate Activity 2: I Wish I Had the Courage with a gun in his hand. It's when you know 20 you're licked before you begin but you begin To... anyway and you see it through no matter what. — Atticus Finch, in Harper Lee's novel To Kill a SPIRITUAL PREPARATION Mockingbird Few incidents from our past return to haunt us like the This workshop explores the virtue of courage. Youth times we wish we had acted more courageously. Do you learn that courage is expressed not by committing have a memory of a time that you let someone else dangerous acts, but in acting to do what is right even down, and perhaps disappointed yourself even more? when there is a price to pay. Courageous actions are not We all make mistakes. Carrying around guilt from those always big—for every Martin Luther King, Jr., there are mistakes is not useful. Recall the quote from Simone hundreds of ordinary people quietly saying "No" to Weil in Workshop 8: "Compassion directed to oneself is oppression and hate—yet a slow accumulation of small humility." acts of courage can truly change the world. This However, you can carry the memory without giving into workshop helps youth identify true courage in guilt. Could you use the memory to remind you to strive themselves and others. toward your ideal of courage? It takes courage to forgive yourself for times you may have lacked it. It takes GOALS courage to reconcile with someone your behavior may This workshop will: have hurt. It is not a bad thing to remember your very human imperfections and how hard we all must work to • Examine the meaning of courage be the best person we can be. This is lifelong work. • Provide examples of ethical dilemmas that call If you witness youth beating themselves up about past for courage incidents during this workshop, consider sharing with • Guide youth to identify themselves as them your own efforts to forgive yourself and to try again courageous people. another day. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Participants will: • Explore the meaning of "courage" • Discuss a dilemma that calls for courage • Examine experiences where they acted with courage and when they did not, and commit to nurturing this virtue the future. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 10

Activity 1: What Is Courage? 10

Activity 2: Story — The Farmer on the Hill 15

Activity 3: Whistle a Happy Tune 15

Activity 4: Dilemma 15

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OPENING (10 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: WHAT IS COURAGE? Materials for Activity (10 MINUTES) • Newsprint, markers, and tape Materials for Activity • Newsprint, markers, and tape • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- operated candle Preparation for Activity • Group covenant (Workshop 1) • Post two sheets of newsprint, one labeled “Courage: Up Side,” the other labeled “Courage: • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet Down Side.” (Workshop 1) Description of Activity • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the Challenges (included in this document) virtue of courage. Preparation for Activity Tell the group that today they will explore courage. Invite • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. them to sit for a moment and think about “courage” as a Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you virtue. Then, invite the group to define “courage;” let think you will have time and you observe that them grapple with definitions. If needed, offer the youth want to discuss challenges shared in their Merriam Webster definition: “the mental or moral check-in. strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, • Post the chalice lighting words. fear, or difficulty.” Or, share the words of the fictional father and lawyer, Atticus Finch, in Harper Lee’s novel • Post the group covenant. To Kill a Mockingbird: “I wanted you to see what real • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what.” Description of Activity Now, lead a discussion, recording positive and negative Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the aspects of courage on newsprint as they arise. Use group to recite the chalice lighting words: these prompts: The thought manifests as the word • What have you been told about courage: What it The word manifests as the deed; means, when to use it, when not to use it The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character; • How would you define “courage?” So watch the thought and its ways with care, • Who defines what is courageous and what is And let it spring from love not? Does it mean different things to different Born out of concern for all beings... people? How do you know if you acted with As the shadow follows the body, courage? As we think, so we become. — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the • Is there a relationship between fear and Buddha courage? Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral • Do you need to use courage in moderation, too? challenges they have experienced since the last Can you have too much courage? meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further • Is someone doing something dangerous always explore the group's challenges. If youth appear courageous? What about a lion tamer in a interested in discussing a particular challenge but you circus? A race car driver? Someone driving way feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the above the speed limit? What if they are driving person who shared it to write a short description of the an ambulance? Is courage defined by just the challenge on the Bicycle Rack. act, or does the reason for the act—the hoped- Tell participants that today you will talk about courage. for outcome—matter?

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ACTIVITY 2: STORY – THE FARMER (Optional: Print lyrics for all participants.) Many songs can be streamed from the Internet on ON THE HILL (15 MINUTES) YouTube and other websites. Here are Materials for Activity suggestions: • Story, “The Farmer on the Hill” (included in this o “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson document) o “What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)” by Kelly Preparation for Activity Clarkson • Read the story so you can present it effectively. o “This Is It” by Kenny Loggins • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. o “Never Say Never” by Justin Bieber Description of Activity o “Get Up, Stand Up” by Bob Marley Say this story is a wisdom tale about courage, from o “Strength, Courage, and Wisdom” by India Japan. Tell or read the story. Then, process with these Arie questions: o “If I Had a Hammer” by Pete Seeger • Who acts courageously in this story? o “Courage Is…” by The Strange Familiar • The farmer burning his crops was taking a risk. He had no guarantee that the villagers would o “I Won’t Back Down” by Eddie Vedder help him put it out, especially because he was o “Yes, We Can” by Will.i.am, of the Black not in good relationship with the village. His Eyed Peas. actions showed that he had faith in the goodness of the villagers. How does having faith o Tunes from cartoons and musicals, for in people’s goodness relate to courage? example “Be a Man” from Disney’s Mulan, “Whistle a Happy Tune” from The King and • Suppose the farmer was afraid the villagers I, “If I Only Had the Nerve” from The Wizard might not see the fire or might not be willing to of Oz, and “I Know Where I’ve Been” from help douse it. Did the farmer have a greater fear the movie Hairspray. that overrode that one? Have you ever been in a situation where you weighed fears against each o Songs from the Civil Rights movement, such other? How did you choose which fear was as “We Shall Overcome” greater? How did that shape your actions? o Songs of the Vietnam War protest era, such • Think of a time you or someone you know acted as Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are a- courageously. It might have involved speaking Changin’” and Phil Ochs’ “I Ain’t Marching up about something, or taking a physical risk. Anymore” What fears did the person need to push past? o Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is Your Land,” What gave them the strength to act with which puts forth a broad, inclusive courage? [Possible answers might be love, a patriotism. belief in doing the right thing, or knowing Description of Activity someone depended on you.] Youth explore how music can inspire bravery and Variation courage. If time permits, invite participants to act out the story Explain that while bravery is not the same thing as with as much melodrama as they wish. courage, being courageous often requires one to act ACTIVITY 3: WHISTLE A HAPPY bravely—and being brave is not easy. TUNE (15 MINUTES) Ask everyone to think of a time they felt afraid to do something, but were brave. Allow a couple of minutes. Materials for Activity Then, ask: • Songs about courage, and music player(s) • What helped you be brave? [Affirm answers.] • Optional: A computer with Internet access • Has music ever helped you feel brave? [Take Preparation for Activity responses.] • Obtain recordings of songs that inspire bravery and courage, and appropriate music players.

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Now ask the group if they can think of instances where • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other people have used music to inspire bravery or courage? decorations If no one gives these examples, talk about: • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors • the use of freedom songs and spirituals during Preparation for Activity the Civil Rights movement • If needed, read instructions for making the • the songs sung at anti-war protests and pro- anklets in the Before You Start section of the justice rallies program Introduction and in Workshop 1, • trumpet, flute, drum, and other music that Decision Making. accompanies armies. • Retrieve participants’ clipboards with anklets, Play the songs you have brought. Distribute lyrics, if you and participants’ journals if these are also kept have brought copies. Invite the group to discuss how on-site. each song encourages bravery or courage through its • Write on newsprint, and post: lyrics, instrumentation, and beat. What particular parts of each song are especially moving? o When have you felt courageous? Ask: o What is the most courageous act you have ever witnessed? • Do you have any songs that inspire you to bravery? o Who are your role models of courage? Why? • Do you know any songs that inspire you to be a better person? o Have you ever experienced circumstances where it would have been helpful for you to ACTIVITY 4: DILEMMA (15 MINUTES) be more courageous? Materials for Activity o In what areas of your life now could you apply the virtue of courage to help you be • Leader Resource 1, Courage Dilemmas the person you want to be? (included in this document) Description of Activity Preparation for Activity Participants understand how the use of courage affects • Adapt the Leader Resource to include the their lives. dilemmas you plan to use in this activity. Make copies—for yourself, (optional) for volunteer Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the role-players, and, if you wish, for all participants. questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or Description of Activity meditate on the questions. You may offer these additional prompts while the group is journaling: Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. • Have you experienced a time you lacked Have a volunteer read one of the two scenarios. Open courage? What were you afraid of? Was your the floor to reactions and answers. Ask participants if fear legitimate? this reminds them of other dilemmas they have • encountered or heard of, real or fictional. For each When has fear prevented you from doing dilemma, ask “How could courage play a part?” something you really wanted to do? How did that feel? Do you have regrets? If you have time, invite volunteers to role play the • dilemmas. How do you deal with regret? Do you feel you have a healthy relationship with regret? ACTIVITY 5: PRACTICE (20 • Sometimes lack of courage leaves us feeling MINUTES) guilty. Yet, guilt is generally not a productive emotion. Remember the quote from Workshop Materials for Activity 8, “Compassion directed to oneself is humility.” • Newsprint, markers, and tape Is there something you are feeling guilty about? Does it help to remember that we all sometimes • Participants’ journals, and writing instruments fall short, but we can try again tomorrow to find • Participants’ clipboards with anklets (Workshop our courage to be the best person we can be? 1, Activity 3, Practice)

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• Remember that one virtue we said should be FAITH IN ACTION: UU PROFILES IN combined with all other virtues is moderation. What does moderation in courage look like? COURAGE After five minutes, ask participants to stop. Invite Materials for Activity volunteers to share journal writing, to their level of • For gathering interviews: Notepads and comfort. Remind youth that you are a mandated pens/pencils, cameras, and/or audio/video reporter: If anyone discloses behavior that could be recording equipment dangerous to themselves or others, you will need to report it. Listen to what the youth say. • For presenting interviews: Bulletin board display materials such as writing/drawing paper, When sharing is complete or after ten minutes, distribute construction paper, color markers, and participants’ clipboards, new beads (one per youth), and tape/push pins, and/or audio/video playback decorating materials. Invite youth to take the next five equipment minutes to decorate a bead while reflecting on their Preparation for Activity personal experiences with courage. Remind them that the bead will act as a reminder to live according to their • Plan how you will engage congregational highest values. members to share their knowledge of other members' acts of courage, for example, As participants finish, have them add this bead to the schedule a time when the youth will approach anklet they started in Workshop 1. members after worship, at coffee hour. If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with • Plan how the youth will conduct interviews. a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and Obtain equipment they will need. instruction to begin their anklet. • Plan how the youth will share the stories they Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making collect. Arrange a bulletin board display, space materials, and store for the next workshop. in your congregational newsletter, and/or a time CLOSING (5 MINUTES) to present videotaped interviews to a congregational gathering. Materials for Activity Description of Activity • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- Participants seek courageous individuals from the operated candle congregation to highlight. • Taking It Home (included in this document) There are probably individuals in your congregation who Preparation for Activity have taken courageous stands in their lives: stood up for • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for something or someone, even when they thought their all participants. support would not guarantee success or they had to take a personal risk to provide it. Encourage youth to • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for seek the stories of these individuals. Few people will a volunteer to read. step forward to describe a courageous act they have Description of Activity performed. So here is the twist: Invite the youth to ask congregants to name other people in the congregation Have a volunteer read the quotation while another who have committed courageous acts. For example, if extinguishes the chalice. someone knows a congregational member who was Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes involved in the Civil Rights movement, ask them to help courage is the little voice at the end of the day the youth create a Profile in Courage of that individual. that says I'll try again tomorrow. — Mary Anne Acts do not need to be earth-shattering. If a child heard Radmacher, author of Lean Forward Into Your another child object to a schoolmate saying, "That's so Life gay!", this courageous act deserves a profile. Distribute Taking It Home. Decide as a group where and how you will gather and post UU Profiles in Courage. A simple solution is to post newsprint on a wall in a high traffic area of the building, where everyone will see it and where everyone can reach. Place blank, large-size sticky notes near the newsprint, and post instructions for using a sticky note to add a profile: Include the name of the courageous person and their act. Advertise the UU Profiles in 133

Courage board. Encourage congregational members to In today's Internet age, a small act of courage captured visit it and add someone's profile. on camera can inspire millions of people. On YouTube, watch this footage of an everyday hero standing up for Decide what more you can do with the profiles after they religious diversity. Jacob Isom stopped a Qur'an burning are posted, to highlight how these individuals inspire us in Texas by grabbing the kerosene-soaked holy book off all to act with courage to help make a better world. a lit grill. (Notice that the majority of people protesting Youth might write an article for the congregational the burning are UUs, though Isom is not identified as newsletter, or invite the contributors and the people who such.) have been profiled to a special "thank you" brunch. If the group has the equipment and skills to do so, videotape Profiles in Courage in Books and Movies interviews with the profiled individuals or construct a Courage comes with many different faces. Profiles in worship service around their stories. Courage (New York: HarperCollins, 1956) is the title of a LEADER REFLECTION AND popular book by President John F. Kennedy. The quote for this workshop comes from the movie To Kill a PLANNING Mockingbird (1962, directed by Robert Mulligan) based Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. Which on the novel by Alabama author Harper Lee. In the activities did the group enjoy the most? If guilty feelings story, a young girl learns about courage and justice from arose, were they dealt with in a healthy way? the example of her father. There are only two workshops left. What evidence do Here are other movies demonstrating courageous acts: you see that workshops are having a positive effect on • Stand and Deliver (PG, 1988, directed by the group? How are the anklets progressing? Ramon Menendez) is a true, but less obvious Read the next workshop for any advance preparation story about courage. A stubborn and dedicated needed and decide who will be responsible for what. teacher struggles to inspire his Latino students to achieve academic excellence, overcoming TAKING IT HOME obstacles such as parental objections, pregnancies, and threats and humiliations from I wanted you to see what real courage is, officials. instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know • 12 Angry Men (1957, directed by Sidney Lumet) you're licked before you begin but you begin is a classic film about the courage of one person anyway and you see it through no matter what. to stand alone against the majority. — Atticus Finch, in Harper Lee's novel To Kill a • Stranger Than Fiction (PG13, 2006, directed by Mockingbird Marc Forster) is an odd, wonderful film about a IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we talked about the virtue meek man learning who faces death with of courage. We heard a wisdom tale from Japan about a courage. courageous farmer. We explored ethical dilemmas and • More movies: Horton Hears a Who (also a songs people have used in different times and book), The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, circumstances to bolster their courage. It's a Wonderful Life, In and Out, Erin Courage Brockovich, Rabbit Proof Fence, Temple Grandin, Gorillas in the Mist, Babe, Silkwood, A Have you seen the bumper sticker or tee shirts with this Raisin in the Sun, Hairspray, Philadelphia, and saying? Rudy. Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am. • Documentaries about real life heroes include as Sometimes we act courageously because we do not Who Are the DeBolts (and Where Did They Get want to disappoint those we love. Sometimes, we care 19 Kids)?, The Times of Harvey Milk, and The especially about emulating the good qualities of people Education of Shelby Knox. Do you have a we admire and respect. Is there someone in your life favorite movie about courage? whose example helps you stand strong and act with Youth Courage Awards courage? Who are your heroes? You may have a famous hero, like Rosa Parks, and you may also have Openly gay screenwriter, director, and producer Colin heroes who are your relatives, or even fictional Higgins (Harold and Maude, Nine to Five) established characters. Tell someone about one of your heroes who the Colin Higgins Foundation in 1986 to support causes sets an example for courageous behavior. he believed in. Colin died from complications due to AIDS in 1988. To honor his memory, the foundation "Dude, You Have No Qur'an!" started giving Youth Courage Awards for bravery in the 134

face of discrimination, intolerance, and bigotry based on ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: I WISH I sexual orientation and/or gender. Meet the 2011 honorees here. HAD THE COURAGE TO… (20 MINUTES) The Cowardly Lion Materials for Activity If you have read or seen the 1939 film version of The Wizard of Oz, you know that the Cowardly Lion goes to • Newsprint, markers, and tape Oz to request courage. Watch the movie again and note • Sticky notes (all one color) and pens/pencils the times he acts with courage. Of course, his cowardliness is funny, too. Here is a link to one of his Preparation for Activity funnier moments, on a website for Best Speeches in • Tape two sheets of newsprint together the long Film. You can play the clip to listen to it, too. way, to make a banner. Across the middle, The Strange Familiar write: “I wish I had the courage to…” Post the banner where everyone can reach it. On YouTube, listen to "Courage Is... " by The Strange Familiar. You can see by the comments that this song Description of Activity has inspired many people. ABC Family aired the song in Participants discover one another’s wishes for courage a 2008 episode of The Secret Life of the American and bolster one another’s confidence. Teenager. Invite everyone to close their eyes and think of ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE something they really want to do but they are not sure they have the courage to do it—something they will be CHALLENGES able to describe briefly and anonymously. Tell them you Materials for Activity are not necessarily looking for a physically risky activity, such as skydiving or snowboarding. Encourage them to • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening think of something they might try at which failure could Description of Activity mean hurt feelings or loss of esteem. For example, Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. speaking up when someone’s behavior bothers you could lead to a better relationship with that person, but it If someone shared an experience in check-in or during is risky, and could call for courage. Give participants a any workshop activities that the group would like to couple of minutes. explore further, do so now. This could be particularly useful if an experience resonated with many Distribute sticky notes and pens/pencils. Invite youth to participants. If several challenges are already listed on briefly write their wish on a note. If they have more than the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to one wish, have them use additional sticky notes. discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. Collect all the notes, mix them up, and post them on the You might use these questions to structure a discussion: newsprint. Ask participants to move to the newsprint and read one another’s wishes. Are any similar? • What virtues could this challenge bring into play? Invite volunteers to read aloud a wish they want to support. For each wish, ask: • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If • so, what values? How do they conflict? What encouragement can we give someone to have the courage to take such a risk? • What are possible solutions to this challenge? • Are they equally good? Why or why not? Who has faced a similar situation with courage? What did you do? How did it turn out? Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we Of course, do not have the group spend time on wishes want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always that could lead to dangerous situations, lawbreaking, or easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do harm to others or oneself. need to keep trying.

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STORY: THE FARMER ON THE HILL A wisdom tale from Japan. On the top of the hill lived the village curmudgeon. No one knew why the farmer was so ornery, yet he never seemed to have a kind word to say. No one knew why he was so inhospitable, yet he would not even open his door to visitors. No one knew why he lived isolated, at the top of a hill that was difficult to traverse, yet it was rumored that he had moved there after the death of his young son. What everyone did know, was that he wanted to be left alone. And alone he was. It was time for the festival. Everyone in the village would be there—except for the farmer at the top of the hill. The women sang, the men told tall tales, and the children played, screaming at the top of their lungs as they ripped and ran, trailing long streamers behind them. It was all the noise that brought the farmer at the top of the hill outside. "What is all the commotion?" he wondered aloud. Looking down the hill, he could see the village festivities. But it was not the bright sights of the celebration that took his breath away. For looking beyond the village, out to the nearby sea, the farmer saw a huge wave rolling toward the shore with tremendous speed. Though he had never witnessed one, he knew what this was: a tsunami. Though his house was safe, up upon the hill, the tsunami was heading straight for the village. The farmer yelled out a warning. But because of the festivities, no one could hear him. He jumped up and down and waved his arms. But because everyone was having so much fun together, no one saw him. The farmer was frantic. How could he stop the tsunami from drowning the entire village? Suddenly, he knew. Though he might be ornery and inhospitable, he knew the village people were not. They had always reached out to him with kindness. The farmer did the only thing he could think to do. With no concern for his own safety, he rushed into his fields and lit all his crops afire. A raging inferno ensued, as the dry vegetation quickly wilted and crumbled in the flames. Who saw the flames first? No one knew. Perhaps a bright-eyed child, or an elder with a nose finely attuned for smoke. Whoever it was, the cry of, "Fire!" spread quickly and all the festivities stopped as the villagers' eyes turned toward the hill. "Quick! Get buckets of water! We have to save the farmer and his land!" And everyone did. All the villagers rushed up the hill—with buckets, with blankets, and with no concern for their own safety. They reached the top and doused the last of the flames. By then, all the farmer's crops were destroyed. Yet no one from the village drowned in the tsunami. And they all knew why.

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LEADER RESOURCE 1: COURAGE DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 Eboo Patel, founder of the Interfaith Youth Core, tells a story about a time he wishes he had acted with more courage. In high school, his friend, who was Jewish, suffered a period of persecution. Bullies drew swastikas around the school and verbally harassed the friend and other Jewish students. The school administration did nothing. Patel noticed, but looked away, avoiding contact with his friend during this period. Years later, his friend confronted Patel and told him how abandoned he had felt at that time. What could Patel have done to stand by his friend during this difficult time? What was Patel afraid would happen, if he acted with courage? Dilemma 2 You find your younger sibling watching Internet pornography. You know that your parents would be upset and punish your sibling if they find out. Your sibling asks you not to tell. What are your options? Is one option more courageous than others?

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FIND OUT MORE J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, gave a famous commencement speech on courage in 1922 that was recently republished in book form (Forgotten Books, 2010). Download the free e-book here. This Facebook page has a story about a Wall of Courage created by students in an elementary school, to honor people who served in the military. The Dictionary of Unitarian and Universalist Biography has the stories of dozens of our faith ancestors, many of whom exhibited great courage in living their faith.

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SPIRITUAL PREPARATION Novelist Faith Baldwin wrote, "I think one should forgive WORKSHOP 11: FORGIVENESS and remember... to look, even regularly, upon what you remember and know you've forgiven is achievement." If INTRODUCTION there are times when we might celebrate living up to our The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the highest standards, times when we have sought or attribute of the strong. — Mahatma Gandhi granted forgiveness may be among these. This workshop focuses on forgiveness, of both others Can you think of a time when to forgive was extremely and oneself. A story demonstrates how forgiveness difficult, yet you managed it? Ethicist and theologian helps the individual who does the forgiving, at least as Lewis B. Smedes wrote, "You will know that forgiveness much as it helps the forgiven. has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well." Perhaps you have not GOALS perfected your forgiving. Moments may still arise when This workshop will: you feel anger or shame at a memory of being wronged. Yet, if you can move to a place where you are able to • Examine the meaning of forgiveness "wish them well," you can feel good about not settling for • Provide examples of situations where the easy way. Remember, we need not be perfect, but forgiveness is called for only to strive to be the best person we can be. Youth, adults, all of us are all still "becoming." • Guide youth to identify themselves as forgiving people. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Participants will: • Explore the meaning of "forgiveness" • Discuss a dilemma that calls for forgiveness • Examine their own history of forgiveness and commit to the future practice of forgiveness in their lives. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 15

Activity 1: Story – A Path to Forgiveness 10

Activity 2: Up Side, Down Side 10

Activity 3: Forgiveness Maze 25

Activity 4: Dilemma 10

Activity 5: Practice 15

Faith in Action: Creating a Ritual

Closing 5

Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges

Alternate Activity 2: Story – How Coyote Lost 25 His Song, Music and Dance

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OPENING (15 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: STORY — A PATH TO Materials for Activity FORGIVENESS (10 MINUTES) • Newsprint, markers, and tape Materials for Activity • Story, "A Path to Forgiveness" (included in this • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- document) operated candle Preparation for Activity • Group covenant (Workshop 1) • Read the story so you can present it effectively. • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet (Workshop 1) • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Description of Activity Challenges (included in this document) The group hears and discusses a true story about Preparation for Activity forgiveness. • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. Introduce the story by saying: Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you We can say important things about forgiveness think you will have time and you observe that by being clear what it is not. Forgiving another youth want to discuss challenges shared in their person does not necessarily mean you will check-in. reconcile a relationship, nor that a person has • Post the chalice lighting words. apologized or even asked to be forgiven. Forgiving another certainly does not mean that • Post the group covenant. what that person did was okay, or that they are • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in "getting away with it" (whatever "it" may be). And Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of for most of us, advice "to forgive and forget" is newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. often unrealistic. Description of Activity So what is "forgiveness" and how do we choose to embrace forgiveness as part of our spiritual Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the journey? Here is a story of how one man found group to recite the chalice lighting words: a path to forgiveness. The thought manifests as the word Tell or read the story. The word manifests as the deed; The deed develops into habit; Process with these questions: And habit hardens into character; • Is it helpful to think about forgiveness as a path So watch the thought and its ways with care, or a journey, instead of a finite act? And let it spring from love Born out of concern for all beings... • What do you think of Azim's job offer to Tony? If As the shadow follows the body, Tony accepts while Azim is still working with the As we think, so we become. Foundation, Azim might have to look every day – from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the at the person who murdered his son. Where Buddha does Azim say he receives the strength to face this kind of commitment? Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral challenges they have experienced since the last • What might make it hard for Tony to accept the meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further offer? explore the group's challenges. If youth appear • What can you take from this story to apply to interested in discussing a particular challenge but you your own life? feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the person who shared it to write a short description of the Say, in these words or your own: challenge on the Bicycle Rack. From Azim, we can learn that forgiveness is Tell participants that today you will talk about indeed an opportunity to deepen our lives, forgiveness. spiritually and emotionally. We can choose acceptance over anger, gratitude for what we have over regret for what we have lost. It may be too much to expect we will actually love

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those who hurt us, but we can still decide not to • What other questions come to mind when you hate, and not to hurt as we have been hurt. think about forgiveness? None of this is easy and we will not always • What are the advantages to forgiving? What succeed. However, by making these choices, disadvantages? we truly can live our Principles, accepting and As participants discuss the questions, briefly write on promoting the inherent worth and dignity of newsprint the positive ("Up side") and negative ("Down others, justice, equity and compassion, side") aspects of forgiveness that emerge. Conclude by acceptance of one another and encouragement reviewing the comments you have captured. to spiritual growth. Forgiveness is a gift we can give—to ourselves and to the world. ACTIVITY 3: FORGIVENESS MAZE ACTIVITY 2: UP SIDE, DOWN SIDE (25 MINUTES) (10 MINUTES) Materials for Activity Materials for Activity • Handouts 1-2, Maze (included in this document) • Newsprint, markers, and tape • Pencils and erasers Preparation for Activity • Highlighters or erasable color pencils • Post two sheets of newsprint, one labeled Preparation for Activity "Forgiveness: Up Side," the other labeled • Read the instructions on Handout 1 carefully. "Forgiveness: Down Side." Make a sample maze to show the youth. • Post a third sheet, headed "Does forgiveness • Copy Handouts 1-2, Maze, for all participants. mean... " and write: "To pardon?" "To give up resentment of a person or act?" "Mercy?" and Description of Activity "To make an excuse for? Participants create mazes to illustrate paths to Description of Activity forgiveness. Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the Tell the group that you will guide them to reflect on a few virtue of forgiveness. questions about forgiveness. Invite them to get comfortable and close their eyes if they wish. Invite youth to sit for a moment and think about "forgiveness" as a virtue. Indicate the possible Say: definitions you have posted on newsprint. Lead a Think of forgiveness as a path. It starts when discussion; these prompts may be useful: someone has been hurt or wronged. Perhaps • What have you been told about forgiveness: the hurt party is you. Or, perhaps you are the What it means, when to practice it, when not to one who has hurt another. How will you practice it? maneuver through the path to a place where you can forgive, or can be forgiven? • Who defines forgiveness? Does it mean different things to different people? Have you ever lost a friend because one of you could not forgive the other? What blocked • Is it harder to forgive yourself or forgive other forgiveness? people? Have you ever forgiven a friend a big hurt? What • Is there anyone you admire who exhibits this helped you forgive? quality regularly? Has a friend ever forgiven you a big hurt? Do • Do you have friends and/or family members who you think any actions on your part helped your seem to never forgive? How do you feel when friend along the path to forgiveness? you are around these people? If forgiveness is a path, can you identify • How do you feel about the phrase "forgive and doorways to forgiveness? Sometimes an forget?" Should you forget? Is forgetting a apology can be a doorway. Sometimes a necessary element in forgiveness? doorway is refusing to hang on to shame or • Is forgiving the same as condoning what hate. someone did or saying an act is not wrong? Can you identify road blocks on the forgiveness path? If someone does not admit to wrongdoing,

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is it harder for you to forgive? If you are afraid to • Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, own up to a hurt you caused, afraid to face our and participants' journals if these are also kept own shame, is that a road block? on-site. Invite youth to take these thoughts and create a maze of • Write on newsprint, and post: forgiveness. Distribute Handouts 1 and 2, Maze. Tell the When was a time you practiced youth they have 15 minutes to follow all the steps to o forgiveness? construct the maze. Give them five-minute and two- minute warnings. o What made it possible for you to forgive in this instance? Call the larger group back together. Ask: Have you ever experienced circumstances • What road blocks on the path to forgiveness did o where it would have been helpful for you to you identify? What doorways? be more forgiving? • How could this maze help you in the future to In what areas of your life could practicing practice forgiveness? Are there action steps you o forgiveness help you become the person can use in a real life situation? you want to be? ACTIVITY 4: DILEMMA (10 MINUTES) Description of Activity Materials for Activity Participants understand how the practice of forgiveness affects their lives. • Leader Resource 1, Forgiveness Dilemmas (included in this document) Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the Preparation for Activity questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or meditate on the questions. While they work, you might • Print the Leader Resource for yourself and offer these additional prompts: volunteer readers. • What is the relationship between forgiving and Description of Activity forgetting? Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. • When someone has hurt others greatly, how can Seek a volunteer to read each of the two scenarios. For you let them know you are forgiving them but do each dilemma, open the floor to reactions and answers. not condone their actions? Is it even your How could forgiveness play a part in this dilemma? Ask responsibility to let them know this? the youth if it reminds them of other dilemmas they have Invite participants to share journal writing to their level of experienced or heard of, real or fictional. comfort. You may wish to remind youth that you are a If you have time, invite volunteers to role play the mandated reporter and, if anyone discloses behavior dilemmas. that could be dangerous to themselves or others, you will need to report it. Listen to what is said. ACTIVITY 5: PRACTICE (15 When sharing is complete or after ten minutes, invite MINUTES) youth to take the next five minutes to decorate cork Materials for Activity beads. Distribute participants' clipboards, new beads (one per youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to • Participants' journals, and writing instruments decorate a bead while reflecting on their personal • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop experiences with forgiveness. Remind them that the 1, Activity 3, Practice) beads will act as a reminder to use their highest values. • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other As participants finish, have them add this bead to the decorations anklet they started in Workshop 1. • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors If any participant missed Workshop 1, provide them with a clipboard, hemp, a bead for their name bead, and Preparation for Activity instruction to begin their anklet. • If needed, read instructions for making the Collect journals, clipboards, and anklet-making anklets in the Before You Start section of the materials, and store for the next workshop. program Introduction and in Workshop 1, Decision Making.

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CLOSING (5 MINUTES) Read the next workshop for any advance preparation needed and decide who will be responsible for what. If Materials for Activity you will hold a short celebration, decide whether you will • Newsprint, markers, and tape serve snacks and who will be responsible for providing them. • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- operated candle TAKING IT HOME • Taking It Home (included in this document) The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the Preparation for Activity attribute of the strong. — Mahatma Gandhi • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... we talked about all participants. forgiveness—of others and of ourselves. We envisioned forgiveness as a path instead of a finite act and • Write the closing quotation on newsprint, leaving identified doorways and road blocks along the way. We room for editorial changes. Post the newsprint. acknowledged that forgiving can be a gift we give Description of Activity ourselves to stop thoughts of hatred and anger, which can hurt us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. That Let a volunteer read the quotation below from ethicist forgiveness can also help the forgiven is a bonus. and theologian Lewis B. Smedes, while another extinguishes the chalice: • The Tao of Forgiveness, by William Martin (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2010), has You will know that forgiveness has begun when stories and practices to help the reader partake you recall those who hurt you and feel the power in the "healing power of forgiving others and to wish them well. yourself." The suggestions in Story 13 might be Distribute Taking It Home. particularly applicable to forgiveness of an incident from long ago. FAITH IN ACTION: CREATING A • Watch this video clip on YouTube Forgiveness: RITUAL How Do Children Forgive? Description of Activity • The Forgiveness Project is a UK-based Youth create a simple forgiveness ritual and share it with charitable organization which works in prisons, others. schools, faith communities, and with any group that wants to explore forgiveness, reconciliation, If you have a group that is creative or has quite a bit of and conflict resolution in a political context or in worship experience, they might enjoy the challenge of individual lives. The Forgiveness Project has no creating a ritual around forgiveness. The ritual could religious or political affiliations. Their website involve a meditation. Use Activity 3, Forgiveness Maze features dozens of stories from individuals, as or Activity 5, Practice as a basis for a ritual on the topic well as essays such as "The Dangers of "What should I focus on as I steer my mind toward a Forgiving Too Easily." path of forgiveness?" • Governments, through the ages, have attempted The ritual could be more concrete. It could involve an act to institutionalize a forgiveness process in to signify release, such as burning (keeping safety in various ways. One of the most famous was the mind, always) or burying. It might include tying knots in a Truth and Reconciliation Commission string to symbolize acts for which one needs to forgive established in South Africa after apartheid. and cutting or knotting the knots while repeating a Read more at South African History Online. mantra of forgiveness. The group can work on one ritual together, or you can ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE break into smaller groups. Share the ritual(s) in the CHALLENGES congregational newsletter or lead them during a worship Materials for Activity service or chapel. • "Bicycle Rack" newsprint sheet from Opening LEADER REFLECTION AND Description of Activity PLANNING Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. Reflect on the workshop with your co-leader. After If someone shared an experience in check-in or during today, only the closing workshop remains. How do you any workshop activities that the group would like to feel about the way the program has progressed? 143

explore further, do so now. This could be particularly • Would you say this story is also about useful if an experience resonated with many forgiveness? In what way? participants. If several challenges are already listed on • Is it harder to forgive people who are very the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to different from us or those who remind us of discuss. It need not be related to this workshop's topic. ourselves? [Participants may respond You might use these questions to structure a discussion: differently.] Why do you think this is so? • What virtues could this challenge bring into play? • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If so, what values? How do they conflict? • What are possible solutions to this challenge? Are they equally good? Why or why not? Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always easy. We do not need to always "get it right," but we do need to keep trying. ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: STORY – HOW COYOTE LOST HIS SONG, MUSIC AND DANCE (25 MINUTES) Materials for Activity • Story, "How Coyote Lost His Song, Music, and Dance" • Optional: Costumes and props Preparation for Activity • Print the story "How Coyote Lost His Song, Music, and Dance" and copy for all who will need to use it as a script. Note: This version of a Native American wisdom tale is from Our Seven Principles in Story and Verse: A Collection for Children and Adults by Kenneth Collier (Boston: Skinner House Books, 1997). It is used by permission of the author in the Tapestry of Faith children's curriculum, Wonderful Welcome. • Decide how you will cast the performance of the story. If possible, give the story to volunteer narrator(s) and actor(s) in advance. Description of Activity Youth act out a story and interpret its meaning in terms of the virtue of forgiveness. Have the youth enact the story "How Coyote Lost His Song, Music, and Dance," either with actors making up lines or with a narrator reading text for others to act out. Afterward, ask: • There are a few possible morals to this story. What are some of them?

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As a devout Sufi Muslim, he turned to his faith for STORY: A PATH OF FORGIVENESS prayer, solace, and inspiration. Day by day, he came to By Shelley Jackson Denham. know he must walk the path of forgiveness and compassion. He realized that Tony—the youngest This is the story of Azim Khamisa. His decision to person to be tried as an adult in California, and now forgive deeds many would consider unforgiveable has sentenced to 25 years in prison—was as much a victim inspired and transformed people all over the world. of society's violence as Tariq. Azim began to believe Azim, an international investment banker, lived in San "You do forgiveness for yourself, because it moves you Diego, with his two children, a son, Tariq, and a on; the fact that it can also heal the perpetrator is icing daughter, Tasreen. on the cake." One night in 1995, Azim's world collided with that of a Azim felt that in order for him to move on, he needed to 14-year-old boy named Tony. The impact changed their take some kind of action that would honor Tariq's spirit lives, and many other lives, forever. and give him a sense of purpose. He started the Tariq Khamisa Foundation, engaging people of all ages in Tony, too, lived in San Diego. He had lived with his education, mentorship, and community service grandfather, Ples Felix, since 1990 when Tony's mother programs with one mission: to stop children from killing sent him from their home in Los Angeles. She had come children. Through its projects, the foundation works to to this decision after Tony witnessed the murder of his transform violence prone, at-risk youth into nonviolent, cousin and best friend. She wanted Tony to be away achieving individuals and create safe, productive from the gangs and violence that were rampant in their schools. neighborhood. With her father, Ples, she decided that Tony would be safer in San Diego. Through the years, A month after establishing the foundation, Azim invited Ples tried to assure Tony's future by demanding that he Tony's grandfather Ples to join him. Since November study hard and stay away from the much older boys to 1995—only 10 months after Tariq's death—Azim and whom Tony was drawn. Tony became more and more Ples have considered themselves to be brothers, angry, resenting his strict grandfather and all the rules bringing their story and message of forgiveness and he imposed. nonviolence to people all over the world. Finally one evening after he and his grandfather argued, Five years after the murder, Azim met Tony in prison. Tony ran away, taking Ples' rifle. He went to find his He told a remorseful Tony that he forgave him, and older friends who belonged to a gang, the Black Mob. offered him a job with the Tariq Khamisa Foundation when he was released from prison. Later, Azim wrote to That was the night the lives of Tony and his grandfather the governor of California, asking that Tony's sentence tragically crashed into the lives of Azim Khamisa and his be commuted. son Tariq. It is difficult to imagine how Azim could transcend the Tariq was a bright, popular student, 20 years old. He heartbreak of his son's murder, for there are some had a job delivering pizzas to help pay for his education. events in life that are too major to get "over." We just get That evening, Tariq was delivering pizzas when he through them. Azim got through the loss of Tariq by encountered the Black Mob. The gang demanded that becoming a powerful activist, teaching forgiveness and he give them pizza without paying for it, but he refused. peace in order to literally change lives and society as a So they told Tony to "bust him." Tony pointed the rifle whole. Azim discovered that forgiveness is a path we and pulled the trigger, instantly killing Tariq. walk, not an act that we do once and we are finished. When Azim learned of the death of his beloved son, he Forgiveness doesn't erase pain. It provides a path to was overwhelmed with grief. transform that pain into something life affirming.

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HANDOUT 1: MAZE 1. Create a list of doorways: Actions or thoughts that help you to forgive others and yourself. 2. Create a list of road blocks: Actions or thoughts that hinder you in forgiving others or yourself. 3. Create your maze. 4. How many doorways are on your list? That is how many openings you should include in your mazeâ€”that many, plus two more. The two extra are the doorways you have yet to discover, but hope to find. Locate a path through your maze that uses exactly this many doorways. Create more, if needed. If you have more than these in your maze already, you will need to fill in the lines to close these doorways. Label your doorways. 5. The lines you need to fill in represent road blocks. As you fill them in, label them from the list you created in Step 2. If you need more road blocks, label other solid lines as road blocks.

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LEADER RESOURCE 1: FORGIVENESS DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 Alex is spreading rumors about you. You would LOVE to start rumors about Alex, but you know that is wrong. Besides, it would not really fix anything. C.J., the popular youth at school that just stopped dating popular Alex, starts spreading rumors about Alex. Alex approaches you after school and says "Now I know what it feels like to have people tell lies on you, and I'm sorry I started rumors about you. I promise never to lie about you again." You forgive Alex. But two months later, after C.J. and Alex make up, they both spread a new lie about you. What should you do? Dilemma 2 Sometimes governments commit wrongdoing. Prongel is a fictional country. Prongel imprisoned the native population of Miwis for over a hundred years. Now Prongel is working on intentional reconciliation with the Miwi people. They debate two options. Option 1: Pay every Miwi a certain dollar amount, as restitution for the labor extracted from their ancestors. The check would arrive with a letter explaining that the government does not see this financial restitution as an apology because they do not admit that any wrong was ever done. Option 2: No financial remuneration, but the ruling body of Prongel will issue an official apology that clearly states the wrongs historically committed. Which option should Prongel take? [Does this dilemma seem contrived, because the obvious answer is to combine the options? In fact, history shows that governments are most likely to choose either Option 1 or Option 2, not both.]

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FIND OUT MORE The Jewish holy day of Yom Kippur is also known as the Day of Atonement. Read more about the meaning and practice of Yom Kippur in the Tapestry of Faith program Building Bridges, Workshop 5, or on the Judaism101 website. The Unitarian Universalist Association's resources on forgiveness include this UU-flavored Yom Kippur ritual. Read more about the organization started by Azim Khamsa on the website of the Tariq Khamsa Foundation. The Tao of Forgiveness, by William Martin (New York: Penguin, 2010), uses true stories, wisdom tales, and spiritual exercises to help you along a path of forgiveness. Living into Hope: A Call to Spiritual Action for Such a Time As This, by Joan Brown Campbell (Woodstock, VT: Skylights Path, 2010), invites people of faith to bring hope to the work of forgiveness, renewal, creating justice, and building loving communities. A Little Book of Forgiveness (Pasadena: Fuller Press, 2008), by Unitarian Universalist minister Marilyn Sewell, explores forgiveness as a catalyst for spiritual growth. The video clip Forgiveness: How Do Children Forgive? is part of a series the Spiritual Literacy Project has posted on YouTube featuring excerpts from a DVD series, based on the book Spiritual Literacy: Reading the Sacred in Everyday Life, by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat (New York: Scribner, 1998). Watch more of the videos, visit the website, or read the book.

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Faith in Action: My Little UU Book of Virtues 60 WORKSHOP 12: LOYALTY Closing 5 INTRODUCTION Alternate Activity 1: Real Life Challenges Loyalty is still the same, whether it win or lose Alternate Activity 2: Worship Service the game; true as a dial to the sun, although it be not shined upon. — Samuel Butler, novelist Alternate Activity 3: Celebration 20 This workshop focuses on loyalty. Be prepared—youth SPIRITUAL PREPARATION may be unfamiliar with the word and need a definition. Youth discover different types of loyalty and examine a The story in this workshop deals with loyalty to situation in which loyalties to oneself, one's congregation, faith, and oneself. What does this mean to congregation, and Unitarian Universalism compete. you? Do you feel loyalty to your congregation? To Unitarian Universalism? If so, how does this manifest? This workshop concludes the program. Alternate Activity What does this sense of loyalty stem from: Love? A 3, Celebration, offers a wrap-up. Alternate Activity 2, need to serve? Appreciation? History? Worship Service, guides the youth to plan a multigenerational worship service in which they share Do you feel loyal to the participants in this workshop? their virtue ethics work with the congregation. This is the last workshop of the program, but its story need not end. How will your loyalty manifest after this GOALS program? Can it be a positive motivator for action and service? Consider future ways you might demonstrate This workshop will: your loyalty to your congregation, your faith, and this • Examine the meaning of loyalty group of youth. • Provide examples of situations where loyalty is used or called for • Guide youth to identify themselves as users of loyalty. LEARNING OBJECTIVES Participants will: • Explore the meaning of "loyalty" • Discuss a dilemma where loyalty is tested • Practice discerning what and who deserve their loyalty • Examine their use of loyalty and commit to the future use of loyalty in their lives. WORKSHOP-AT-A-GLANCE

Activity Minutes

Opening 15

Activity 1: Two Sides to Every Virtue 10

Activity 2: Loyalty Bingo 20

Activity 3: Story – A Church Divided 10

Activity 4: Dilemma 10

Activity 5: Practice 20

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OPENING (15 MINUTES) ACTIVITY 1: TWO SIDES TO EVERY Materials for Activity VIRTUE (10 MINUTES) • Newsprint, markers, and tape Description of Activity Participants identify positive and negative aspects of the • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- virtue of loyalty. operated candle Invite youth to sit for a moment and think about loyalty • Group covenant (Workshop 1) as a virtue. Offer the Dictionary.com website definition of • Optional: Bicycle Rack newsprint sheet loyalty: "faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, (Workshop 1) leader, cause, commitments, obligations, etc... " Synonyms include "devotion" and "faithfulness." These • Optional: Alternate Activity 1, Real Life prompts might be useful: Challenges (included in this document) Preparation for Activity • What have you been told about loyalty: What it means, when to practice it, when not to practice • Read Alternate Activity 1, Real Life Challenges. it? Prepare to incorporate it into this Opening, if you think you will have time and you observe that • What does disloyalty mean to you? Have you youth want to discuss challenges shared in their ever been accused of being disloyal? Who check-in. decided you were disloyal? • Post the chalice lighting words. • Can you be too loyal? What happens if loyalty is not moderated? • Post the group covenant. • To whom or what are you most loyal? How far • Post the Bicycle Rack sheet the group began in would you go for loyalty? Does it trump other Workshop 1, Opening, or label a new sheet of virtues? Would you lie to protect something or newsprint "Bicycle Rack," and post. someone you are loyal to? Would you give Description of Activity preferential treatment to someone out of loyalty? Invite a volunteer to light the chalice while you lead the • Are you a loyal friend? What does this really group to recite the chalice lighting words: mean? The thought manifests as the word • Are you loyal to your country? The word manifests as the deed; Invite youth to share their reflections, with statements The deed develops into habit; that start off with "On the positive side... " or "On the And habit hardens into character; negative side... ". For example, "On the positive side, So watch the thought and its ways with care, brand loyalty makes you feel comfortable: you know And let it spring from love what you are getting when you buy Breyer's Ice Cream." Born out of concern for all beings... / "On the negative side, companies can take advantage As the shadow follows the body, of your loyalty to their products. They can raise the price As we think, so we become. or lower the quality, if they feel they can count on you to — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the buy it anyway." Do youth have statements that do not fit Buddha either clause? Discuss these together. Invite the youth to check in by sharing any moral Make sure these points are discussed: challenges they have experienced since the last meeting. If appropriate, use Alternate Activity 1 to further • What is the relationship between love and explore the group's challenges. If youth appear loyalty? interested in discussing a particular challenge but you • What is the relationship between peer pressure feel there is not enough time in this meeting, ask the and loyalty? Remind participants that everyone person who shared it to write a short description of the feels peer pressure, not just youth. challenge on the Bicycle Rack. Tell participants that today you will talk about loyalty.

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ACTIVITY 2: LOYALTY BINGO (20 to copy what they wrote on each square on their bingo grid onto a bingo chip. MINUTES) Collect all the chips and put them in the bowl. Materials for Activity Distribute bingo sheet markers and invite participants to • Handout 1, Bingo Grid (included in this play bingo. document) Mix up the chips in the bowl and choose one at a time, • Leader Resource 1, Bingo Chips (included in reading its text aloud, as you would with numbers in this document) bingo. Instruct the youth that if they have a box on their • A bowl or basket grid with the words you read from a chip, they may cover that box with a marker. A full row, column, or diagonal • Pencils line filled with four marked boxes wins. • Bingo board markers (e.g. pennies), and Play until you have a winner. Play as many times as you (optional) bowls for youth to share can within your time frame. Process the activity: Preparation for Activity • Did you learn anything about your loyalties? Did anything surprise you about the loyalties of • Print Handout 1 for all participants, plus a few others? [Remember to hold to your group extra. covenant. This is not an opportunity to comment • Using Leader Resource 1, make 16 blank bingo on another participant's choices.] chips for each participant. • How might what you have learned here affect • Collect or make bingo board markers. Each your loyalties? Might you stop being loyal to youth will need at least 16. Any small item can something or someone because your friends or be a marker: Use pennies, or pieces from old family are not loyal to them? Would this board games. Or, make additional copies of necessarily be a bad outcome? Leader Resource 1, Bingo Chips on different • What if friends/family relate to you a negative colors of paper, and cut out these chips to use encounter with something/someone you are as markers. You might put these in additional loyal to? Several negative encounters? What if bowls the youth can share. you have negative encounters with an object of Description of Activity your loyalty? What would cause you to lose the Participants compare their loyalties to those of their loyalty you feel for something or someone? peers by creating and playing a game. What would make you question it? Share real life examples. Distribute Handout 1, Bingo Grid and pencils. Ask youth to fill in all the spaces on the grid with someone or ACTIVITY 3: STORY – A CHURCH something they are loyal to, however they define loyalty. DIVIDED (15 MINUTES) It can be a sports team, a friend, a group (like "my school band"), an activity (such as "scouting"), a cause Materials for Activity ("environmentalism") or an ideal or value ("honesty"). • Story, "A Church Divided" (included in this Prompt by repeating the definition of loyalty: "faithful document) adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, commitments, obligations, etc... “. • Spiritual Preparation section Ask participants to use generic terms, for example, "my • Optional: A computer with Internet access, and sibling" instead of "Eric." If youth have trouble filling 16 a digital projector or large monitor boxes, encourage them to break down some items. Preparation for Activity Instead of saying, "my family," if someone has two moms, a brother, and a cousin, they can put each • Read the story so you can present it effectively. person in a separate box. • Do the Spiritual Preparation exercise provided Important: No peeking! Everyone should fill out their grid with this workshop. Then, decide if you would independently and not share it. like to share any of your reflections with the youth during this activity. Give the group five minutes or until you see they are done. • Optional: Copy the story for all participants. Give each participant 16 of the blank chips you made • Optional: Preview a video (12:22) about the from Leader Resource 1, Bingo Chips. Ask participants Unitarian Church of Harrisburg (Pennsylvania) 156

which tells the story of the community's addition Invite the youth to share the ways they have shown of an urban campus. If you plan to show the loyalty to the congregation and/or the faith. If you wish, video, check your equipment and queue the give examples of your own. Ask participants to think of video immediately before this workshop. ways they might provide service to demonstrate their Description of Activity loyalty in the near future. See if there is energy for a group loyalty project, or if a team of volunteers wish to Youth hear and discuss a true story about a do a project together. congregation's split loyalties. Tell or read the story. ACTIVITY 4: DILEMMA (10 MINUTES) Then (optional) show the video (12:22) about the Materials for Activity Unitarian Church of Harrisburg. Tell the youth the video • Leader Resource 2, Loyalty Dilemmas (included was prepared for the UUA General Assembly 2010, in this document) where this congregation was honored as a Breakthrough Preparation for Activity Congregation. • Print the Leader Resource for yourself and Discuss the story with the following questions: volunteer readers. • In this story, there were not only those who Description of Activity disagreed, but also those who did not express their opinion at all: the non-voters. How do you Youth discuss scenarios involving ethical dilemmas. think the congregants who voted "yes" or "no" Seek a volunteer to read one of the two dilemmas. Open felt about the third of the congregation that did the floor to reactions and answers. For each dilemma, not vote? Why do you think so many people did ask participants if this reminds them of another dilemma not vote? they have encountered or heard of, real or fictional. Ask, • Sometimes we think other people in our "How could loyalty play a part in this dilemma?" communities share the same loyalties we do. If time permits, role play the dilemmas. But, as we saw in the bingo game, you cannot make assumptions about others' loyalties. Do ACTIVITY 5: PRACTICE (20 you think some congregants at UCH were MINUTES) surprised to hear that not everyone thought buying the new building was a good idea? Materials for Activity • Have you ever thought you were being loyal to • Newsprint, markers, and tape one thing but, on deep examination or when • Participants' journals, and writing instruments challenged, you discovered you were loyal to something else? For example, many people say • Participants' clipboards with anklets (Workshop they are patriotic or loyal to their country. Yet, 1, Activity 3, Practice) when their country does something they • Beads, and waterproof markers and/or other consider wrong, immoral or unethical, they do decorations not defend the country. An example is public outcry about American use of torture. Are • Extra clipboards and string/hemp, and scissors protesters loyal to America the nation, or loyal to Preparation for Activity the ideals of America, which they feel torture • violates? When you are loyal to something or If needed, read instructions for making the someone, must you accept everything about it? anklets in the Before You Start section of the program Introduction and in Workshop 1, • What does it feel like when something or Decision Making. someone you are loyal to does not live up to • your standards? What do you do? Retrieve participants' clipboards with anklets, and participants' journals if these are also kept • Thinking about the story, do you think it was on-site. easier to be loyal to ideals or abstract qualities • ('the congregation", "my faith") or to be loyal to Write on newsprint, and post: people ("each other")? o When was a time you exhibited loyalty? • Do you feel loyal to your congregation? Do you o What made it possible for you be loyal in feel loyal to Unitarian Universalism? What this instance? actions show you feel this way? 157

o Have you ever experienced circumstances • Post the chalice lighting words. where it would have been helpful for you to • Optional: Print the closing quotation (below) for be more loyal? a volunteer to read. o What are the areas of your life now where Description of Activity using loyalty could help you be the person you want to be? Remind participants that this is the last workshop. Ask the group to read together, aloud, the Opening words Description of Activity you have used for each workshop: Participants understand how the use of loyalty affects The thought manifests as the word their lives. The word manifests as the deed; Invite youth to take five minutes to journal, using the The deed develops into habit; questions on newsprint as prompts, or to draw or And habit hardens into character; meditate on the questions. Additional prompts you may So watch the thought and its ways with care, add, while the group journals: And let it spring from love Born out of concern for all beings... • Who are the people in your life who are most As the shadow follows the body, loyal to you? Why do you think they are loyal? As we think, so we become. • What is the connection between loyalty and — from The Dhammapada, Sayings of the friendship? Buddha • Does your Unitarian Universalist faith inspire Remind the group that you discussed this reading in the you to be loyal? If so, to what? first workshop. Ask, "Does it mean anything to you now, that it did not mean at the beginning?" Take all • Have you ever had to make a decision where responses. loyalties conflicted? What did you do? Were the consequences what you thought they would be? Say: Invite participants to share journal writing to their level of I wish you a lifetime of being loyal to yourself comfort. Listen to what is said. and to the values and virtues you hold dear. The people that we are, the people we are always When sharing is complete or after ten minutes, distribute becoming, are precious and holy. Amen. participants' clipboards, new beads (one per youth), and decorating materials. Invite youth to decorate a bead Extinguish the chalice. Distribute Taking It Home. while reflecting on their personal experiences with generosity. Remind them that the beads will act as a FAITH IN ACTION: MY LITTLE UU reminder to use their highest values. BOOK OF VIRTUES (60 MINUTES) As participants finish, have them add this bead to the Materials for Activity anklet they started in Workshop 1. Remind participants • that since this workshop is the last one, their anklets are A loose-leaf binder complete. Instead of a temporary bow to keep the ends • Loose-leaf paper and writing/drawing together, suggest they place the anklet around their instruments ankles to measure, and then use more beads to complete their anklet. Once youth are satisfied with their • Optional: The Book of Virtues by William anklets, offer to help them tie heavy knots to close them. Bennett (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1995) • CLOSING (5 MINUTES) Optional: A computer with Internet access Preparation for Activity Materials for Activity • Refresh your memory of the stories shared in • Chalice, candle, and lighter or LED battery- this program, so you can remind youth about operated candle them. Include the stories provided with each • Taking It Home (included in this document) workshop as well as dilemmas—provided, and their own—that the youth have discussed. • Chalice lighting words (from Opening) • Optional: Obtain The Book of Virtues and Preparation for Activity choose and bookmark a passage to read aloud. • Adapt the Taking It Home section and copy for The story "Please" is recommended. You can all participants. preview some pages of the book on GoogleBooks; if you will have Internet access, 158

choose a passage to read aloud during the TAKING IT HOME workshop. If you plan to have youth read aloud, choose volunteers and give them the passage Loyalty is still the same, whether it win or lose ahead of time. the game; true as a dial to the sun, although it be not shined upon. — Samuel Butler, novelist Description of Activity we discussed loyalty. In Youth write short stories about virtues. IN TODAY'S WORKSHOP... addition to loyalty to family, friends, and institutions, we Tell the group that in the 1990s William Bennett, a talked about loyalty to one's congregation and Unitarian conservative politician, wrote a book called The Book of Universalism. This was our concluding workshop, so Virtues. It was a bestseller, but not without controversy. today we are bringing our completed anklets home. The Bennett seemed to blame our country's problems on a anklets are physical reminders of our promise to make lack of true, old-fashioned virtues. The tone of the book decisions that affirm we are virtuous and loving people. is conservative and preachy. His view is very simplistic. • Loyalty to one's faith has led many people to [If you have the book, invite a volunteer to read a story. face imprisonment, torture, and death. For Then, ask the group if they believe good manners are example, many Jews, Muslims, and other non- important. Most will say yes. If you have used a passage Christians perished during the medieval from The Book of Virtues, ask if the youth liked the story, Crusades. Unitarian Universalism also has its and why or why not. martyrs. Research Arius, Michael Servetus, Say: Norbert Capek, Toribio Quimada, James Reeb, and Viola Liuzzo on the Internet to learn more. Although we might say some virtues are • timeless, stories are not always so. It matters People are not the only creatures that not only what you are trying to communicate, but demonstrate loyalty. Question: Which animal is how you communicate it. portrayed as the most loyal? Answer: Dogs. They are "man's best friend," right? Dogs are Ask the group if they could think of stories that not the only pets that have committed incredibly effectively illustrate how important virtues are today. loyal acts, sometimes endangering themselves. Invite each participant to think of a virtue and a story that Reader's Digest has a collection of animal hero demonstrates it. Show them the binder and explain they stories. Do you or your friends have stories to will make a collection of stories: "A Little UU Book of tell? Virtues." Their story can be fiction or non-fiction. They • can retell a story from one of the workshops. They may What do the television shows you watch say use virtues not covered in the workshops. If they prefer, about loyalty? Betrayal is a popular subject on they can work in pairs. Write the story and include at many shows, including Gossip Girl, Pretty Little least one illustration. Liars, One Tree Hill, and Lie To Me. Some reality TV shows, for example, Big Brother, The Distribute paper and writing/drawing implements. Bachelor, and America's Next Top Model, Give participants at least 30 minutes. Then, re-gather appear to reward betrayals, or, at the very least, the group and have volunteers share stories. encourage dramatic betrayals. Does the mass media portray loyalty or betrayal as the "norm?" Collect the stories and invite youth to (1) illustrate a front • cover, (2) make a Table of Contents, (3) create a blurb Businesses spend a lot of time on trying to earn for the back cover, and (4) come up with ideas for their customers' loyalty. Are you loyal to certain sharing the book with the wider congregation. brands of clothing, sneakers, food? What do you gain from such loyalty? What do you look for in LEADER REFLECTION AND a product or a business that makes you loyal? PLANNING Do you think such loyalty is a virtue? • The book Loyalty: The Vexing Virtue by Eric Reflect on the program with your co-leader. Thank one Felten (New York: Simon and Schuster, 2011) another for your presence and support. Prepare your offers both a modern and an historical view of feedback for the congregation's religious educator, so loyalty. It includes an analysis of Antigone, a they may use it next time your congregation offers this play by the Greek dramatist, Sophocles, which program. appears on many high schools' required reading lists. This political drama involves a royal teenager who has to choose between her own self interests and her loyalty to a family member. Read a translation from the ancient Greek on 159

Googlebooks. A modern version was written by If you invited a guest to help with planning, introduce the French playwright Jean Anouilh in 1944, them to the group. during the Nazi occupation of France. Plan a worship service: ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 1: REAL LIFE 1. Start by defining the goals of this service. Will youth CHALLENGES invite the congregants to wrestle with one or more of the virtues the group has studied? Will the youth share Materials for Activity about how these virtues play out in their lives? Defining • "Bicycle Rack” newsprint sheet from Opening the goals will help keep the conversation focused. Description of Activity 2. Help the youth decide what elements the worship will include. For example, will there be a sermon? A homily? Youth discuss ethical challenges they have faced. Or, sharing of personal stories? Will there be a Story for If someone shared an experience in check-in or during All Ages? Hymns and/or recorded music? any workshop activities that the group would like to 3. Assign "To Do" items, with deadlines and clear lines explore further, do so now. This could be particularly of communication. useful if an experience resonated with many participants. If several challenges are already listed on Plan to hold a second meeting to put all the pieces the Bicycle Rack, invite the youth to choose one to together. Depending on participants' access to discuss. It need not be related to this workshop’s topic. technology, small groups might meet via phone or Skype. You might use these questions to structure a discussion: 4. Plan a rehearsal date. • What virtues could this challenge bring into play? 5. Publicize the worship service to the wider congregation. • Did this challenge involve a conflict of values? If so, what values? How do they conflict? ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 3: • What are possible solutions to this challenge? CELEBRATION (20 MINUTES) Are they equally good? Why or why not? Materials for Activity Affirm that is always easier to see good solutions in hindsight and that living a life according to virtues we • Food and drink want to nurture or values we hold dear is not always • Materials produced in the previous workshops easy. We do not need to always “get it right,” but we do Preparation for Activity need to keep trying. • Arrange/assign food and beverages, paper ALTERNATE ACTIVITY 2: WORSHIP goods, and other items you wish to have. Find SERVICE out about and make all food providers aware of food allergies or restrictions in the group. Materials for Activity • Optional: Gather and display materials produced • Hymnbooks, meditation manuals, and other by the youth during the program. You may wish Unitarian Universalist Association or to invite youth to bring their anklets for display. congregational worship resources Description of Activity • Newsprint, markers, and tape The group celebrates the end of the program and the Preparation for Activity work they have done. • Arrange a date for the youth to lead or co-lead a Since this is the last workshop, you might want to set worship service on virtue ethics. aside time for a small celebration. Include food and • Consider inviting your minister, religious drink, brought by participants, families, and/or co- educator, music director, or chair of the leaders. congregation's worship committee to help plan Invite the participants and any guests (families, your worship. If any youth have worship experience, congregation) to see any materials the youth have invite them to co-facilitate this activity with you. displayed, including the youth's anklets. Discuss the Description of Activity virtues examined in the program. Invite the youth to share about recent encounters with any of the virtues. Participants plan a multigenerational worship service around a virtue ethics theme. 160

Play the games you may have designed in this and previous workshops.

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a big, old church in the heart of Harrisburg, where STORY: A CHURCH DIVIDED property values were dismal, seemed absolute Based on a 2011 interview with Reverend Howard madness. Conservative members said they spoke for Dana, who has been the Unitarian Church of fiscal accountability: their loyalty was to keep the church, Harrisburg's minister since August, 2000. as it existed right now, safe and sound. As it existed right now... . Where was the loyalty of these members? When you were a child, did you have a favorite toy? Maybe it was a stuffed animal, doll, or toy truck. Did it go [Leader: Take a couple of answers.] everywhere with you: to the market, in the tub, to bed? Their loyalty was to stewardship of the church home that Were you completely loyal to it, preferring it to all other had nurtured and sheltered them. They wanted to toys? preserve it, so it could stay a home for them and others We learn loyalty at a very early age. Before we learn to who might find it. be fair, long before we start to worry about moderation Other members had a different loyalty. They said, "We or humility, we learn to love and we show loyalty to what cannot live out our mission without engaging with the we love. As we grow, we become loyal to truths, loyal to world. We know that this is a big leap of faith. There is ideas, loyal to institutions that represent our highest room for failure. But there is also room for greatness." values. Sometimes though we need to stop and These members were loyal to a vision of living their faith question our loyalties. Loyalties can become stale and in the world that called them to go forth and do good outdated. Mark Twain said "Loyalty to a petrified opinion works... even at personal risk. They looked to their UU never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul." tradition of social justice work as a beacon moving The Unitarian Church of Harrisburg (Pennsylvania) forward. They, too, saw themselves as stewards: (UCH) learned an important lesson in loyalty. Their stewards of the Unitarian Universalist faith. young minister, Reverend Howard Dana, had come to Two different loyalties. Would you say either loyalty was this congregation twelve years ago, hoping to help them misplaced? live their ministry out in the world. Yet he and others in the congregation felt their ministry was too insular, too [Leader: Invite some answers.] focused on themselves. The congregation's building was The congregation engaged in deep conversations. Open located in the suburbs, and they began to talk about houses were held at the city property and people met expanding their facility there. They were located near the neighbors. Budgets were examined and financial the city of Harrisburg, which was struggling, like most experts consulted. An outside moderator was brought in large U.S. cities. Shouldn't their ministry try to help heal for the congregational meeting. Everyone wanted to this hurting community? Could they really do this by keep the talks fair. It was proposed that they set up "pro" sitting on the suburban sidelines? and "con" microphones for people to speak from the And so some members begin to dream: What if the UCH floor. But the congregation refused them. "There is no bought an additional church in the inner city, right in the "us" and "them," they said. We are one congregation. thick of it? Wouldn't they be better able to live out their But this one congregation had to decide on one loyalty. mission? Wouldn't this build stronger UU souls? Would they be loyal to their church as it now existed or to a church living out its most difficult values in the They found the perfect candidate: a church in the world? neighborhood of Allison Hills, an area where mostly people of color lived and more people rented than Guess what? Another loyalty emerged: They could be owned homes. A small congregation—joint United loyal to each other. After all, isn't that what a Church of Christ and Methodist—owned the building, but congregation really is? Not a building, not a set of were excited at the prospect of the UUs buying the abstract beliefs, but people living together every day, building, which needed expensive improvements. In just trying to be the best people they can be? addition, this congregation was already active in the Their loyalty to one another took the group through the community and willing to partner with the UUs. process of discernment. Their loyalty made it impossible The UCH could buy the building and pay for the for them to shout hateful words at each other. Their improvements for much less than it could cost to expand loyalty kept most of the congregants at the table, their suburban home. wrestling with what was best for their church community. Finally, it came down to a vote: 123 voted to purchase Not everyone agreed that buying a church in the city the new property, 101 voted "no" and 151 did not vote. It was a good idea. After all, our country just experienced was settled. The Unitarian Church of Harrisburg added a a scary recession. Times were hard economically: second church to their religious home. people were losing jobs, losing their homes. If ever there was a time to be fiscally conservative, this was it! Buying 162

HANDOUT 1: BINGO GRID

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LEADER RESOURCE 1: BINGO CHIPS

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LEADER RESOURCE 2: LOYALTY DILEMMAS Dilemma 1 It is the classic best friends' dilemma: Friend A has decided that a behavior of Friend B has become intolerable and they can no longer hang out or be friends with B. They tell you (Friend C) that if you want to continue to be their friend, you need to stop associating with Friend B, too. What do you do? What do you say immediately to Friend A? How do you answer Friend B when they ask you if you know why Friend A does not return their phone calls? Who do you invite to the movies or your birthday gathering? Who do you call first to share good news or bad? Dilemma 2 You have played baseball for many years. After all the years of practice, you are on the starting team and your team has a good chance of making the playoffs. There is one problem: This season, the practice time conflicts with the meeting time for your congregation's youth group. You are one of the co-leaders of youth group this year. You cannot be in two places at once. What do you do?

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LEADER RESOURCE 3: MARKET STREET CHURCH Photograph by Rev. Howard N. Dana; used with permission.

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FIND OUT MORE Good Character is a website with examples of ethical and moral dilemmas. One that concerns loyalty is David's story. Confucianism is heavily steeped in directives on living a virtuous life. Loyalty is one of the most important virtues to Confucius. Read more about this religion or philosophy at Patheos, a website that encourages understanding of different religious traditions. Here is an article from Interconnections, a Unitarian Universalist publication, about the Unitarian Church of Harrisburg (Pennsylvania)'s purchase of new property.

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