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11-1-1988

The Docket, Issue 3, November 1988

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Vol. XXV, No. 3 DOCKETTHE VILLANOVA SCHOOL OF LAW November, 1988 "Drug Problem" At VLS

by Alison Forristal the drug problem persists. use among high school students Should the United States legal­ Foreign imports make up the by 40%-50% during that time ize the use and sale of drugs in bulk of the marijuana trade, period. this country, produce revenue and according to the speakers. Three speakers addressed the regulate through taxation? Seventy-five percent of the forum giving distinct views on the This was just one of the issues nation's marijuana coms from scope of the international drug addressed at the October 10th foreign sources and only a quarter problem today. The speakers symposium on the Legal Aspects of the drug originates in the included Charles Blau, Samuel of the International Drug Problem United States. Rosenthal, and Robert Fogelnest. sponsored by Villanova Law Other remedies to the drug Blau is currently a partner at School's International Law problem offered at the symposium the law firm of Davis, Meadows, Society. included increased military assist­ Owens, Collier, and Zacharey in Several approaches to the inter­ ance from both domestic and Dallas, Texas. He has served as mm ^ national drug problem were pro­ foreign forces, uniform sentencing chief of the U.S. Justice Depart­ IMI ill I m posed at the symposium, including guidelines, and the death j^nalty. ment's Narcotics and Dangerous viewing it as an economic issue, Prevention campaigns in high Drug Section, Associate Deputy AIDS Symposium Panel as a constitutional rights issue, schools were mentioned as one Attorney General, and Deputy and as an issue facing most young way to make young people aware Associate Attorney General. Blau V people today. of the dangers of drugs, but the also ran a joint U.S. Treasury Law Symposium: Although government has tried speakers were not satisfied with Department/Justice Department to address the problem through their results. One such campaign money laundering project. several Acts, including the For­ launched in 1982 set a goal to Samuel Rosenthal now serves AIDS and the Law eign Assistance Act which pro­ reduce drug use in high schools as counsel to the Washington, vides money to help fighting drugs by 30% by 1984. What actually D.C. office of the firm of curtis, by Maureen Murphy McBride members of this society, we are at the source in foreign countries, occurred was an increase of drug Mallet-Prevost, Colt & Mosle of On October 22,1988, the Villan­ either at risk ourselves or we New York. He formerly served as ova Law Review presented its know someone who is. Symposi­ chief of the Appellate Section of thirty-third annual symposium. um participants also .pointed out the Criminal Division of the U.S. The topic of this year's discussion that everyone pays financially for Department of Justice and Assist­ was "AIDS: At The Limits Of The the disease through increased ant U.S. Attorney for the district Law." subsidies for research and for of New Jersey. The symposium addressed the patients who cannot afford med­ Robert Fogelnest is in private various challenges AIDS poses to ical care. Finally, symposium practice specializing in criminal existing law, including the regu­ speakers described how a disease defense. He is a founding member lation of AIDS drugs; the respon­ such as AIDS creates the need to of the International Legal Defense sibility of health care practitioners redefine existing \aw, namely Council, an organization of Amer­ to care for AIDS patients; legis" with respect to early approval of ican attorneys who represent lative efforts to protect health care experimental drugs, discrimina­ Americans incarcerated in foreign providers; confidentiality; manda­ tion against AIDS victims and the countries. He also serves on the tory testing; and discrimination. various implications and reper­ board of editorial advisors for This year's speakers represent­ cussions of the protection of Inside Drug Law. ed a broad background of exper­ privacy and confidentiality of Although various methods for tise. The speakers included Pro- information surrounding AIDS resolving or at least reducing the fesor George J. Annas, of the patients. international drug problem were Boston University Schools of discussed, it is a controversial Medicine and Public Health; Mr. The symposium was put togeth­ issue and looks to remain as such, Scott Burris, an attorney present­ er by the Law Review's symposi­ one point reaches unanimous ly working for the ACLU; Ms. um editor, Lorijean Oei, along agreement: That the international Mary C. Dunlap, an attorney with help and guidance from drug problem is a serious and specializing in civil and constitu­ Professor Ellen Wertheimer. Both growing dilemmathat needs to be tional rights causes; Mr. D. were pleased with the symposi­ addressed. Anthony Forrester, Ph.D., R.N., um's outcome and success. "I was associate professor of the Depart­ really pleased with the turnout of ment of Nursing Education and both students and faculty," Oei^ Student/Facuity Services, University of Medicine said. She added that she "would and Dentistry of New Jersey; like to thank all those who con­ INSIDE Professor Barry R. Furrow, of tributed in any way to the sym­ Committee Meets Widener University School of posium's success." Law; and, Richard C. Turkington, by B. Stephan Finkel topics of concern for students, and The Villanova Law Review of Villanova Law School. sponsors its annual symposium THIS This year's student/faculty facilitate both student and faculty The symposium tackled some of on timely and controversial topics committee kicked off the year input. The voting in the meetings the more controversial issues of interest. The papers presented with a meeting on October 18. The is done solely by students, who involved in the AIDS crisis. The at this year's symposium will be student/faculty committee serves make their recommendations for ISSUE discussion pointed out the fact published in Volume 34, No. 5 of as the communicative link the faculty to consider. These that everyone's lives are touched the Villanova Law Review, which between the student body and the recommendations are then pres­ by the AIDS epidemic because, as is due out sometime in August. faculty. The student/faculty com­ ented by the committee's faculty mittee at Villanova Law School members to the rest of the teach­ was created twenty years ago, by ing staff at the next regularly- then — Professor Frankino. The scheduled faculty meeting. The Holl5rwoodn't basis for the committee is to give ttw DOCKET U.S. POSTAGE faculty committee members util­ PAID Presents p. 4 students and faculty a body in ize the committee to get feedback VILLANOVA LAW SCHOOL which they can work together to Villanova, Pa. from the student body on their VILLANOVA, PA. 19085 Parmit No. 5 influence law school policy. Mem­ opinions toward proposed law bership on the committee, as the school policy, introducing propos­ Npn-Profit OrgjnizaHon name suggests, is comprised of als and ideas discussed in faculty Garey High both students and professors. The meetings to learn how the stu­ student representatives include dents feel about such topics. To Social p. 5 one member from each student negate the consideration that the organization and two at-large membership of the committee is members elected by the student not broad-based enough to provide body. This year's Chairperson, the necessary range of feedback, elected at the first meeting, is the student/faculty committee Softball Bruce Matez. Joe Fowler was meetings are traditionally open to chosen as committee Secretary. the entire student body. Champs.... p. 11 The faculty members on the The major issue tacked by the committee are Professors John committee Idst year was the Dobbyn, John Hyson, James Maule formation of a law school smoking -.v.- and Ann Poulin. (or non-smoking) policy. Several The committee's major function committee meetings developed The Slapsterp. 12 is to bring issues to the attention proposals. It was determined that of the faculty, and to provide a the issue of a smoking policy forum for the exchange of ideas. would affect everyone, so the The meetings involve identifica­ committee initiated a smoking tion of and discussion on various (Continued on page 2) Page 2 • THE DOCKET • November, 1988 EDITORIAL

Left of Center EDITORIAL

by Lisa Kmiec "personality"? commercials have that homey As election day draws ever Jesse Jackson certainly has look I previously have only seen A few slings and arrows, aimed at whoever happens to be closer, I can't help feeling that personality. Apparently, though, in~ Krass Brothers commercials. standing in the crosshairs: the administration, the faculty, the both Bush and Dukakis must be it wasn't the right brand. It Unfortunately, there's more to students. anxious to get it over with. Every almost seems like the American choosing a candidate than there aspect of their respective records voting public wants the impossi­ is to choosing a suit and tie. has been reviewed and either ble: a quietly passionate, calmly hailed or condemned. Their posi­ energetic, patiently ambitious "It's Good For You" tions on the issues have been leader. I also hear a lot of complaining stated and restated ad nauseum. Campaigns in general have that neither candidate is willing Remember back when you were a kid, and your parents would We know their families and family given the average voter a lot to to come right out and address the tell you to do things? "Eat your vegetables." "Read a book." history, perhaps almost too well. complain c^bout recently. Until a issues, especially in the debates. "Go outside and play in the fresh air." "Practice the piano." We've examined their medical and few years ago, many politicians Well, what did we expect? When The reason they always seemed to give you was more or less financial records. I think I know steadfastly refused to engage in 100 people could have 100 different the same: "It's good for you." Years l^ter, with the benefit of more about their lives than I know "negative campaigning." While levels of understanding about an hindsight, it seems they were pretty much on target. Vegetables about my own. not many succeeded, there were issue, and 100 different positions helped keep you fit and healthy, books added to your literacy on that issue, what are th§ chan­ and imagination in a way television never could. Exercise and ces of a candidate actually win­ the fresh air combined to have a positive effect on your health ning because the voters agreed and well-being. And the piano ... if you ended up putting in with him? It would be, and prob­ the hours of practice seated on that piano bench instead of playing ably is, much easier to be specific with your friends, watching television or just doing something about the issues if the country else that took up enough time to squeeze those piano lessons What politics boils down to then, is were 100 times smaller in both out of your schedule, today you know how to play the piano. population and square mileage. If you didn't stick with it, it's a skill you don't have today, and trying to please half of the people half The truth of the matter is that you probably never will have the time or energy to master. You we live in a uniquely heterogenous and the piano will always be passing acquaintances and not of the time. society, and, as my mother often familiar partners. And occasionally, you find you wish like hell tells me, you can't please eve­ you could play the piano today, but there's no way. It's too late. ryone. I don't even think you can Maybe you should've listened back then .,,, Well, not to sound please half of everyone. like your parents, but there are things at law school you should What politics boils down to, do, besides study. Go to lectures. Attend placement office then, is trying to please half of the programs. Check out the symposiums. Participate in clubs. Get Don't worry. I'm not about to subtler ways to run a smear people half of the time. A national involved! Why? You have so many other things you have to state my choice and then fill up campaign in the good old days. candidate really can't do much worry about, beginning with classwork (and maybe ending with space by extolling the virtues of Today, pre-fabricated, semi-funny more. But if you're really con­ classwork). Why should you take the time to attend a lecture my candidate. I won't do that for debate quips about one's oppo­ cerned with the candidates' spe­ by Greenpeace or visit the United Nations or hear a distinguished several reasons: 1) No one would nent's shortcomings are de riguer. cificity, the answer is simple law professor voice his ideas or participate in a job-hunting bother to read it; 2) You can The Senate race in New Jersey is enough. Instead of relying on the seminar? The answer should be obvious. Why? It's good for, probably guess which way my a modern classic. While I can media to bring you sparse and you. vote is going; and 3) I don't think name every downfall and screw- vague information, go looking for it would ever make it to print. up of each candidate, I'd be hard- it yourself. There are groups here I would, however, like to ask a pressed to recite anything positive at school that are involved with question. What exactly do you about either candidate as a result the campaigns. Ask them for want from your candidate? Now, of his own campaign. literature. And don't be afraid to Applause don't give me that easy classic I must admit, though, that this ask both groups. After all, you do "low taxes and great services" trend in campaigning can be want to make a well-reasoned Law school being Garey Hall and not Carnegie Hall, one does answer. It seems to me that as amusing. Some of the political choice, don't you? not expect much in the way of entertainment. One would sophisticated as we try to be, it's certainly be surprised. Lately, there have been a spate of truly difficult to articulate reasons programs bringing speakers to our campus which have succeeded to support our choices. in both informing and entertaining. Presentations covering a Everyone has generally felt a range of topics and areas touched by the law, from drug lack of enthusiasm surrounding enforcement to environmental issues to women's rights to the this campaign due to a lack of tangled mass of issues presented by the AIDS virus, have featured candidate "personality." But a procession of well-known, well-received speakers. VLS is now what exactly do we mean by starting to regularly attract big name speakers to address our "personality"? Gary Hart was student body. At the end of each presentation, the audience never really an enthralling spo­ signals their appreciation by applauding the speakers. It is kesman or invigorating ideologue. appropriate to point out that such applause should not be directed Yet he suddenly had "personality" solely at the speakers, but also at the organizations responsible because he was politically stupid for putting these programs together. In particular, the enough to think that his leader­ International Law Society seems to have labored tirelessly to ship abilities had nothing to do bring us qualified speakers and programs worth attending. For with his love life. He made every all of you people making the effort to give the law the depth magazine cover from Time to the and dimension that cannot be found on the flat pages of a casetxwk National Enquirer after that by creating programs and inviting speakers, a round of applause. fiasco. Is this what we mean when we say we want a president with Social Studies It may be the bane of the law schools in the eighties, but the curricular imbalance at VLS seems particularly severe. THE DOCKET Corporate and tax courses abound while civil rights is offered only biannually and a course on poverty law is nonexistent. The dearth of public interest courses is particularly problematic at a Catholic institution which is supposed to concern itself with BOARD OF EDITORS instilling traditional Christian values such as love for one's neighbors, charity for those who lack, and justice for all. VLS Editors-in-Chief should probably require courses which are central to a socially B. Stephan Finkel responsible legal education, but, failing that, the best the school Maureen Murphy McBride could do is offer that education to those who desire it.

News Editor Editorial Page Editor Features Editor Scott Cronin Christina M. Valente David Outtrim Student/Faculty Committee Staff: Suzanne Cosentino, Alison Forristal, Deb Harley, Lisa Kmiec, Chris Kemprowski, Jamie Sheller, Lynne Harper, Jim Robertson, Kevin Mulhearn, (Continued from page 1) "It is an effective committee ... Lauren Salters, Ron Gendron, Dan Weintraub, Donna Smith, Suzanne Bender, policy referendum. The student Does anybody listen? The answer Terry Heyman, W. Douglas Holdren, Lisa Massey. body voiced their preferences in is very emphatically yes." a school-wide poll, and the result Regular monthly meetings are The Docket is published monthly by the students of Villanova University of that vote went into a proposal planned which are open to both School of Law, Villanova, Pa. 19085. Letters and articles are welcome from which is now under consideration regular committee members and by the faculty for a policy deter­ students, faculty, alumni and the community. Paid advertisements are also students not on the committee. mination. The year before, the Special meetings may also be accepted. The Docket is distributed free to all current students, faculty and main issue the committee called when issues arise which administrators. Alumni who wish to receive The Docket by mail should notify addressed was the school's exam demand immediate attention. The Docket office at the above address. policy. Last year, several changes Student committee members may were made as a result of the serve for one year, or for their Faculty Advisor student/faculty committee's entire three years at V.L.S. Their Prof. John Cannon recommendations. Commenting impact in the form of policy they on the efficacy of the committee. help shape can continue long after Professor John Dobbyn remarked. they have left the law school. November, 1988* THE DOCKET • Page 3 OP-ED Undue Process: • • S:- Judging A Book By Its Cover

by B.S. Finkel professional outlines and horn­ When I first started law school, books. Professional outlines are I thought the Blue Book was a new outlines that have accepted money competitor for the Yellow Pages. and are no longer eligible for the Now, of course, I know that the outline Olympics. Hornbooks are Yellow Pages are more useful (you books that cover the same areas can't order pizza from the Blue that your casebooks cover, only in Book) and make citing cases English. They are called horn­ easier. (To cite a case correctly books for no reason. using the Blue Book, you have to There is a third kind of helper find the proper section to find the AVV book, one upnjn which I will focus. proper form, etc. To cite a case This type of book attempts to using the Yellow Pages, just look present an overview of the law in up a number under 'Legal Assist­ a given subject by explaining the ance.') The Blue Book is just one relevant law at a superficial level. example of the hybrid breed There's a new series of this type known as Law Books. Law Books that has just come out ('just come contain the law — "contain" not out' meaning 'I am making this in the sense of limiting it, although up right this instant'), and I want who am I to argue? One of the to be the first to bring it to your things law students don't really attention: The Nutcase Series. get a handle on are Law Books. Their slogan: Learn the Law That's too bad, because, all things from a Nutcase. Here's an actual considered, a handle would make excerpt from the volume "Crim­ them much easier to carry. inal Law from a Nutcase," which is actually about three quarters You might have noticed there's of the actual book. (I told you it a certain standardization when it was superficial.) comes to law books. They are either red-covered and smallish, Section 8 blue-covered and a bit larger, Search and Seizure 1) A search is when police look brown-covered and unwieldy. No around for something. A seizure matter what the subject matter is, is what an epileptic has. They are there's no way to tell them apart joined in the same phrase because just by looking at them. Some­ of alliteration. Alliteration is a times, even by reading them. This concept in literature, so you don't is not just a happy accident; it's have to worry about it now. by design. It puzzled me for a 2) The Constitution protects while, why no Law Books had citizens against illegal search and flashy covers. I readily pictured seizure. You'll study the Consti­ the possibilities: the Family Law tution in Constitutional Law, so text could have a Jackie Collins- don't worry about it now. style cover of a craggy-faced 3) For a search to be valid, the scoundrel embracing an enticing police must have a search war- beauty wtt4»soinesertmi»cleavs^ rant:*^ wrapped in ermine and covered again without understanding it or what I paid for my first car. Lord wanted those books to be warrants is U.S. v. Leon. The with diamonds — no, lose the even realizing it's the same line. • Latin phrases — a Law Book understood, the other professors "Leon" in this case is Leon'Spinks, scoundrel and pick it up from the The highest accolade available to without Latin phrases is like a argue. He would have made them who has been in court so many cleavage and make that the Prop­ the Law Book writer is the black poodle without a funny haircut. in comic form. The books, not the times they're on a first-name basis erty cover! — and the Criminal cover. This is available only to An observation: it's no wonder other professors. More often than with him. Law cover might feature a Mickey those writers whose mastery is so the Roman Empire collapsed — not, food fights break out. 4) There are lots of exceptions and Spillane-type detective, revolver complete they can be judged to their whole language was nothing These "helper" books are doctrines in Search and Seizure in one hand, bottle of booze in the have produced a volume of the but legal terms: known by various names. There (notice how the double S sound other, with a floozy with really Tax Code or Administrative Regs. Julius Caesar: Quid pro quo, are several types. Helvetica, for slides right off the tongue); here stunning gams (which, for you No further explanation of this Brutus? instance. (That was a little printer are the ones that are probably younger readers, are kind a like level of accomplishment is Brutus: De minimus, Caesar. humor there. It keeps him happy important: sweet potatoes) and the sleazy necessary. [The translation kicks in here; if I throw him a one-liner every a) The Automobile Excep­ mouthpiece sweating bullets on What Makes a Good Law Book otherwise, it'll all be Greek to now and then.) Keep in mind that tion — It would normally be the couch. At first I thought the Good Law Books don't usually you.] these "helper" books are not called the Car Exception, only cover story was due to a breath­ just happen. (The only thing that Caesar: Think it looks like rain? intended as a substitute for the they decided to use the name your taking lack of imagination, and just happens is spontaneous com­ Brutus: Hail, Caesar. original texts, but as a supple­ grandfather would give to it. then I imagined it was because the bustion, which I personally would Caesar: That Cleopatra sure is ment. You wouldn't eat Ham­ b) Fruit of the Poisonous Law Book Writer's Union was love to see happen to a few of my something. I wish I'd met her in burger Helper without the ground Loom — The police are not forcing the publishers to toe the Law Books. But I digress into my salad days. beef, now would you? Come to allowed to use evidence in court line to prevent unfair competition. personal opinion. Back to digress­ Brutus: She sure has a'nice asp. think of it, would you even eat that they found stuffed inside Now I've learned the truth. ing into fact.) A few qualities Caesar (after slyly glancing that stuff with the ground beef? your underwear. which separate the good Law both ways, whispering so no If that weren't enough, what c) Law Books are classified by Exigent Circumstances — Books from the bad and the ugly: one will hear): I've always Einstein decided the world needed We could swear this has some­ cover in the same way karate • Weight — if it can't fracture a wondered, Brutus, why you have Tuna Helper? I hardly think the thing to do with poor people. students are classified by belt. toe when dropped, it doesn't the same name as Popeye's blood tuna are being helped by this d) Legitimate Expectation of The Law Book writer (usually a qualify. And we're talking big toe enemy and chief competitor for development; it seems that these law professor, although there was Privacy — Privacy is an upper here, not the wimpy one on the Olive Oyl — (shifts abruptly as packages are responsible for caus­ level law course. You'll probably that classic experiment in the end which you can break just by a Senator approaches, disor­ ing tuna to be baked up in a cheesy be closed out of it if you try to twenties in which 100,000 mon­ clipping it too hard. iented) — um, pari mutual, er, sauce with macaroni and con­ take it second year, but almost keys were sat at 100,000 type­ • Thin pages — so the highlighter quantum physics, no, meruit. sumed by families on a limited certainly you can expect to get in writers, and one of them typed For can ble^ through to the other side (The Senator, checking his budget — not exactly what Webs­ Whom the Bell Tolls-, it's not your third year. Hence the title... of the page. (On a practical note, sundial, sees that he's late for ter's would list in their entry but, again, you don't have to widely known, but several of the this is not only a great saver of a Forum, and hurries off.) under 'help.' Heck, if Santa had worry about it now. monkeys turned out workable marker, but also of time, since Brutus (angrily): I told you helpers like that, the first chimney e) Civil Procedure texts) is actually Inevitable Discovery Doc­ after you highlight one page, the never to bring that up! he went down would be the last — You hang around law performing according to a graded trine other side is automatically high­ (Brutus stabs Caesar. This is one; he'd be lit up like a Christmas school long enough, you're bound discipline in his writing effort. His lighted and you don't even have where Shakespeare picks tree ... at the very least, there to pick up a few things. progress is evaluated, and he is to read it!) up.) probably would be a new dish: Summary: a condensation of the awarded a color cover. The more • Questions that don't have So in addition to those other Reindeer Helper. I forget the exact incomprehensible the book, the substance of a larger work. But answers — not just questions that qualities, remember that where point I was bringing up, but it's you're studying search and seizure bigger and better the cover it gets. the answers aren't included, but Law Books end, Shakespeare probably sound advice to avoid . The red cover indicates a novice and don't have to worry about ones that literally have no begins. Now that we've estab­ skillet meals altogether. definitions like that right now. Law Book writer, one who still answers. This effectively prevents lished the criteria, we can look Oh yeah — these helper books can convey ideas and hold readers' That about wraps it up. Actu­ professors from ever being wrong carefully at our law books. Actu­ may be used in much the same ally, if you want it wrapped up, interest. A mere beginner. The in their analyses, and students ally, we can look at our books, manner as the Yellow Pages. Well, you'll have to take it over to the blue cover shows some real pro­ from ever being right. whenever we want, criteria or no. not entirely — you can't sit gress, evidenced by confusing counter. Perhaps the last word on • Foreshadowing, alliteration, At least, that's what my profes-' infants on them so they can reach law books is that oft-repeated, logical turns and hard-to-fathom and literary allusion — ha, ha, sors seem to insinuate. But this the adult table at Thanksgiving much-beloved poetic phrase which questions following each case. just kidding! criteria thing was a good excuse dinner. But you can thumb The brown cover is bestowed invokes both the written form and • Small print — remember, like .for a while. through them and if you find what legal context: "Book 'em, Danno." upon writers who have taken the they always say, it's not the size I Some professors write books you're looking for, get in touch discipline to the level of a higher Of course, it makes no sense at that counts. | that are designed to help students with it. (Didn't I start this Law all, especially when you realize lack of consciousness. They can • No pictures — they're worth a understand all the other profes-' Book review out with the Yellow that Danno is McGarrett's helper. make case opinions completely thousand words. These babies are sors' books. This really pisses all Pages? What goes around comes nonsensical with simple editing I swear this "helper" thing is forty bucks without pictures. If the others off, and they refuse to around, eh? Now if I could only getting completely out of control. c-uts of paragraphs or altered there are pictures, that would sit at the same table as those figure out where the damn Blue Someone should write a book sentence structure, or cause read­ almost certainly raise the price for professors at the Law Book Wri­ Book comes in.) Included in the ers to read one line over and over about it. It might even earn them a single casebook to more than ter's Annual Banquet. If the Good category of helper books are a blue cover. Page 4 • THE DOCKET • November, 1988 OP-ED William James: Alternatives by Jamie L. Sheller CLUB ALTERNATIVES Up Close The Philadelphia scene has been growing at rapid rates. Here are some of this season's, best choices: and Personal The Amazon Club 1513 Delaware Avenue. The by Donna Smith Amazon is a great place to see William James is the new kid many of Philadelphia's local Reg­ on the block, so to speak. Mr. gae bands, "Jaaamin." Bands like James is the new Director of the Soa of Ace and Out of Africa are Law library. After a nationwide frequent performers. This club is search to fill the vacant director­ one of the few daring businesses ship, the VLS hiring committee which are trying to light a spark chose William James to fill the in the waterfront area and get spot, snatching him from the night life started there. This club University of Kentucky Law is popular with the Yuppie crowd School, where he had been Direc­ and has an active singles scene. tor of its Law library for fourteen Ambler Cabaret years. 43 E. Butler Pike, Ambler, 646- Mr. James is a very nice, down- 4727. to-earth Southern gentleman. He Chestnut Cabaret y was born in Augusta, GA and is 38th & Chestnut Streets, 382-' but plays some progressive tunes. TIP; If you hang out at Dirty a graduate of Morehouse College 1201. People try too hard to dress up; Frank, 13th and Pine, until closing in Atlanta, Howard University 23 East Cabaret however, there is lots of room to (2 a.m.), you can always get your Law School in Washington, D.C. 23 East Lancaster Avenue. The spread out. The club has recently hands on free passes to the and received his MLS from Atlan­ William James, Librarian Cabarets provide a rare chance to expanded and has two floors of ta University.' Sttand! He has set a goal, that within see top-name national bands in a social life and plenty of people who William James is an easy person three years VLS will have an on­ small, intimate venue. Don't miss want to get to know you. You Memphis to talk to, and is very open about line catalogue system and will set this opportunity. The Cabarets must be a member to get in but 21st and Arch. Open till 2 a.m. his views on the challenges he has up a bona fide computer lab fully also provide a forum for many of if you pay the cover at the door with happy hour specials which met in the past with respect to equipped with multi-purpose word Philly's local bands that are trying ($10) you are an instant member has free buffet with a $3 cover and his career and the goals he hopes processing, and database search to go national (remember the for the night. Tricky! reduced drink prices. At night to accomplish in the future at terminals within the next 18 Hooters). You can always be Revival there is a $5 cover to the upstairs VLS. Maybe his easygoing manner months. , assured of a wide variety of music 22 S. Third Street, 627-4825. dance floor, but the lower floor bar is a by-product of his southern In addition to his director's and an extremely mixed crowd. Open 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. on Friday is free entrance. The dance areas upbringing, but don't let that fool duties, William James finds time Bacchanal and Saturday (the latest night you play semi-progressive music and you; William james is a man who to become involved in the student 1320 South Street, 545-6983. will find in Philly). Revival has many yuppies attend trying to act is serious about his work and is life at VLS. While at Kentucky, This is an artsy neighborhood bar new wave and progressive music as avant-garde as possible. Mem­ committed to affecting positive James worked with the admis­ which features bands like the and also features great live bands phis also had good food like changes to the academic and sions process and helped to coor­ Dead Milkmen and Van Gogh's like Woodentops and Chameleon. sandwiches and snacks. social environments at VLS. dinate minoi^ity recruitment at Ear. Tuesday night is Reggae Memberships are $10 until Janu­ Mr. James' career path did not both the student and faculty night. Bacchanal is always a ary 1, with covers ranging nightly North Star Bar include any formal practice of law. levels. He intends to develop an surprise because the crowd is a for members and guests. The club 27th and Poplar Streets, 235- He made his decision not to equally active role in the minority mix of ages, styles and planets itself is a bi-level, remodeled 7827. North Star is an unusual practice between his second and . recruitment process at VLS. He is' where they came from. It's def­ church. This is still one of the combo of a great restaurant and third year of law school, when he a member of the admissions com­ initely worth the experience. hottest clubs in Philly. Don't a great night life scene. It has a was drafted in the military and mittee and is currently the faculty Cover varies from $10 to $15. forget your black lipstick. varied menu most easily stereo- stationed in Ethiopia, between advisor to thfe BLSA organization. " City-Gardens ~ • • j,typed as Tex-Mex with -sajBfu 1970-7L It was during this period •The Strand ' William James views himself as 1701 Calhoun Street, Trenton, Open seven nights a week till- seafood dishes thrown in for that he pondered what he really an open-minded person who is NJ, 609-392-8887. City Gardens late hours way past Blue Code variety. In a separate area located wanted to do with his life and his always willing to help. He wants features all of the new rages from regulations. Membership for men off the main dining room (by the He didn't really con­ law degree. all students to know that he punk to rap. They have many all- is $40 per year and for women $20 way it's very sound proof so you sider teaching, but he has never maintains an open door policy and ages shows, Sunday matinees, per year. The cover also changes can still have a quiet dinner), you ruled out that option completely. takes comments and criticism and it is an excellent place to see nightly for guests and members. can see many of Philly's live local He really liked administrative well. When asked if he had any many experimental bands. I guess The Strand has four levels of sounds like the Naves or Ellen work and dealing with people, and advice to offer students on making New York prices got out of hand dance floors and bars, in addition ' Britton Band. said to himself, "I want to be the it through law school ot out in the and Trenton is the next best to an excellent outdoor patio on Cover ranges from $3 to $5. Director of the Law Library." real world, he replied, "Be pre­ thing. "Trenton makes the world the rooftop when weather permits. Finally (Okay, maybe he didn't say it with pared in your approach to law takes." The Strand has also recently been There is a new club due to open that much enthusiasm, but you school. Put in quality time and Black Bannana remodeled and offers many free in Philly some time in October. get the point.) He took a good look keep up with your studies. Study 3rd and Race Streets, 925-4433, open-bar, happy-hour specials. Try it Out! at the position and found that it hard and do your best, but don't open 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. The Ban­ The Strand has progressive music The Bank, 600 Spring Garden was the type of job that seemed take yourselves too seriously." nana offers most top 40's music and a fashionably attired crowd. Street, 627-7731. to offer him the varied range of, duties for which he felt best suited. I The job, he says, is a good mixture. He gets to play the part of administrator, is able to deal with all kinds of people and is still able to contribute significantly to and keep in touch with the law. In conversation, Mr. James conveys the impression that he is truly satisfied with his chosen profession. In fact, James stated, "I'm in a profession that I like;' I like what I'm doing — I like being a Law librarian." He's proving just how much he likes his job, ' too. Maybe he is taking it a little too seriously, because, since he's been at VLS, the library seems to go through a facelift every other week. (Haven't you noticed that they change the seating arrange­ ments almost weekly?) Mr. James doesn't seem to mind all the talk about the reorganiza­ tion and housekeeping. It's part of a higher plan. James and his staff are in the process of "weed­ ing out" the book collection in the library. He plans to open up the study areas and make the library a more pleasant place to study. He wants to expand the "comfortable study" area in the stacks and furnish the space with soft cushions and overstuffed lounge chairs and sofas. (At last, a real place to sleep in between classes' and during finals, when the all- nighters begin.) In an effort to modernize the library, mr. James wants to auto­ mate the library control system.. November, 1988* THE DOCKET • Page 5 FEATURES To VLS On A Swing And A Prayer [Jhat Comic Strip Ohing by Terry Heyman Country Club in Waccabuc, NY There are many unique back­ (located in Westchester County). grounds in the class of 1991, but Mike had always enjoyed golf and none perhaps are as diverse as although he did not play an that of Mike Fagan. Mike, age 27, extensive amount previously, he from Fairfield County, Connecti­ took to the game quite naturally. 'OTift cut, graduated from Vitlanova in Mike worked upwards of eighty 5ho£^ 1983 with a B.S. in accounting. hours a week. In spite of the long After graduating, he worked as an hours, Mike developed a three accountant forJohnson & Johnson handicap. When the Waccabuc in Piscataway, NJ. In order to Club closed for the winter, Mike pursue a sales career, Mike sub­ was again faced with the search sequently left Johnson & Johnson for something to do while he took to work for Wilson Sporting assorted temporary jobs from Goods. After nine months Mike stocking grocery shelves to oper­ decided to investigate a longstand­ ating jack hammers. ffi^P flops ing desire to more deeply commit Although he still contemplated (50 he CflLD do the priesthood, Mike realized to himself to his religion as a Cathol­ b<.ojCW ooKott ht doe^ ic priest. become a priest you "need a Mike began an intense four year positive desire, a real zeal." Mike oo +Ke i5Sue.5.) program at the North American no longer had that determination. College in the Vatican in Rome, Nonetheless, Mike did miss the Italy to study for the Catholic intellectual stimulation of his Diocesan Priesthood. The pro­ studies in Rome and wanted to gram was rigorous. The daily return to an academic setting. He regimen combined academics, applied to law school. Law school prayer, exercise and ministerial had always occupied a place in the activity. The classes were con­ back of Mike's mind; law school ducted in Italian and were held is "specific enough to give me a at an international university. trade and general enough to allow The academic calendar allowed me flexibility." Mike ample time to travel. During Concerning his future career vacations, Mike traveled through­ goals, Mike expects eventually to THEGAREY out Israel, Egypt, Russia and be of service to a local diocese or central Europe. He devoted his a nonprofit organization such as free time "to working at a home the Catholic Relief Services, for juvenile delinquents in South­ which provide food and clothing HIGH SOCIAL ern Italy. Additionally, Mike to the needy worldwide. He has became very active in helping also contemplated writing about Welcome back after a month seen thumping each other includ­ downtown to the Dickens Inn Ethiopians, who had fled the the challenge of integrating reli­ furlough. Let's start off with our ing such "heavy drinkers" as which will never be the same military regime of their homeland, gion in daily life. newest addition to GHS: our most Y.P., L.C., and D.E. However, B.R. thanks to C.L. and E. something. to start a new life. The seminary Mike seems to be handling law wanted list! This month's most once again proved that as you age Well done folks!!! Furthermore, offered shelter to these Ethiopian school in stride. His experience of wanted and sought after in VLS with time you regress in maturity; IL's C.T. and C.W. have joined refugees as well as trying to teach studying a new subject in a are both 1st years. Congrats go at least some of us do. He totalled the ranks of the growing crowd them new skills necessary for a foreign language while at the out to D.M. and S.E. who have C.B.'s bed as destruction, may­ of "regulars" at Maritas. fresh start. Mike himself had used Vatican provided excellent prac­ topped our scales. The public hem, bodily injury, and general Speaking of parties, 2L S.C. his Villanova education to teach tice for law school, which for most wants to know the scoop on these disgust followed in B.R.'s wake. spent considerable time in a hot accounting to some who had of us is like studying a ne"w subject two. We promise that once we find Rumor has it that a 3L orgy was tub with no less than half a dozen passed through the seminary. in a foreign language. Approp- out, you'll be the first to know, about to break out on the bed VLS 2L males at her first annual At" the end of two Mike ; -ri^tely, Mike's ''^ast week 3L M.D. was seen otit' when B.R^' jumped in yel^ng* "hoMub mania." Amongst the been through too much to let returned to the States in the with his "chick" in tow on Friday "watch out, here I come!" seamen were E.C., C.P., P.L., E.B., summer of 1986 to work in a school get him uptight. night at Maritas. Rumor has it Later that very same night, the J R- and numerous others. Lastly, parish in Bridgeport, CT. At the Interestingly, during his studies that she has laid down the law party moved to Smoke's where 3L on the party scene our apologies in Rome, Mike participated in parish he assumed many priestly and required him to shave, get a F.S. is reputed to have attempted go out to 2L H.D. — we did not personality profiles of seminar­ duties. However, instead of haircut, and even wear shoes. to pick up a woman who could mean to blast your party. We hear ians which revealed the jump returning to Rome in the Fall to QUERY of the month: Does M.D. have been mistaken for anyone's it was actually a lot of fun. Next from the church to the courtroom continue his studies, Mike decided have a back-bone or is he really grandmother. 3L J.M. had the rap time, don't take it so personally. is not as wide as most would to take a leave of absence from a spineless jellyfish? Furthermore going with a number of different Congrats go out to 3L's B.M. assume. Priests and lawyers do his diocese to reexamine his on the "Big Red Machine" front, ladies, but was frustrated by the and S.S. who ventured to the have many similar personal char­ choice to join the priesthood. His 3L R.T. was recently spotted relief efforts of J.T., R.T., and environs of Cleveland to cheer for parish experience revealed his acteristics; the most striking begging a Bryn Mawr Policeman's M.T. Word has it that the Herd those hometown Eagles. The resemblances between the two own lack of enthusiasm for the forgiveness. Hey R.T., save it for lost 5-0, although they did come Birds got their butts kicked but lifestyle of a priest. Although he groups are a desire to serve others, confession! The real question, up big on the softball diamond. the idea was wacky and wild. still felt a strong devotion to analytical thinking abilities and a however, was were you on your On the party scene, Ardmore Also, Congrats to the VLS Rugby Christ, his desire for having a deep introspective side. way to 2L J.M.'s house or was her was the setting of what has been Team who brought home a cham- family and a wife surfaced with Mike also studied morality presence the reason you got off so described as a pretty "exciting" . pionship from the Michigan State renewed vigor. intensively at the Vatican. When easy!!! night. According to sources it Law School Tournament. We're After remaining home, Mike 1 asked him how he felt about proud of our boys, but unfortu­ met up with a friend from high moral issues in the law he ans,- Believe it or not 3L T.C. was "was fun, yeah it was O.K." actually seen out socially. Can Nothing special, even though nately a local farmer reported to school who helped him obtain a wered, "I do not feel I have to authorities that all of his sheep compromise morality which is this be true? He was spotted out some 2L favorites such as L.C., job selling used cars in Carmel, were strangely cross-eyed and in important to me. The challenge is hoisting a few Lite beers with M.M., J.L., and K.M. were there New York. He stayed at the car a deep state of depression after the dealership for about seven to integrate personal, morals, an fellow 3L L.U. A very exciting and besides the kegs, the host had development, please keep it up, a champagne fountain. Please be men from VLS left town. We're months. When I asked Mike how essential part of myself, with legal still wondering why the rugby principle which are not always but next time please make sure remind^ that this is VLS, cham­ he enjoyed that time he told me team has been reportedly "baaaah- consistent with them." to leave your blue books at home. pagne don't impress us. We'll that he liked the work, although hing" since returning home. The it did tend to be somewhat dull Although Mike's background is 3L C.S. was also reported to have settle for beer and munchies!! We been out with her escort, fellow hear 2L S.S. had a party in mid- Rugby team also beat the Univer­ at times. Mike said he had no atypical indeed, he believes his sity of Penn Law School (a lower experiences will enable him to 3L C.C. on an October Friday October but we haven't found ethical problems selling cars echelon institution at best — become a better lawyer. His pre­ night. It seems C.S. had "one too anyone to admit to having been because he was honest and when it comes to rugby that is) vious training has made him more many" (i.e. 2 beers) which caused there. S.S. says it was a great straightforward with customers. at the Oktoberfest in September. Mike left the dealership in the sensitive, a better listener and her to speak a mile a minute while time. As a note for the future, incessantly waving her hands. please send all party information The game was great, the sun was Spring of 1987 to pursue a boyhood more attuned to the far-reaching better, but the dogs were a bit on implications of seemingly narrow Speculators in the crowd stated to "We had a party-it was fun" dream of wanting to be a golf pro. the overdone side. MVP of the issues — all indispensable to the that it looked like a grade-A c/o the Docket, and we'll include He accepted a job as Caddymaster/ game went out to 3L M.R. for his Assistant Pro at the Waccabuc legal profession.- Professor Brogan impersonation. it in our next issue. The only question that remains game saving tackle but he was is, would Miss Manners be proud Some 1st years had a b-day definitely outdone a bit by a rival of this seeming violation of the party for IL woman B.M. It german shepherd who mistook Prim and Proper Code? started out with just the girls, S.F. for a fire hydrant on the J.N., L.G., O.M., N.N., J.P., and ciHpliripc VLS's frugal goutmet F.S. was T.P., but then some ILguys joined NEWSFlash ... from our IL whipping up his typical culinary in the fun including none other informants, it appears that nb one delights for none other than C.B. than, B.B. and F. Something. is dating, no one is having sex, The appetizers were rumored to Word was, it was a grand old time! and no one is doing anything!!! be delightful — but was C.B. Continuing on the IL front, rough­ What the hey, how are we sup­ herself the entree? Stay tuned for ly 45 IL's were reported to be posed to stay in business here at details. Speaking of C.B., although following our advice and seem to Gossip Central!! Please note that only 15 or so showed up at her be finding the right law/party IL L.Y. is not suffering from the 3rd year b-day bash, that was' mix. Some IL's were seen with above disease of her first year sufficient to pack her apartment 3 or more cases of beer, tunes, a mates, however outside sources full of people in a less than soccerball, and some missing are reported as her source of coherent state. The party gets a Softball equipment. Led by B.T., entertainment ... That's all for 6.75 on the party meter. 9.5 for and L.H. the throng was reported now. By the way, GO METS, the food and games. A massive to have had a great time, however OOOOOPPPPPSSS Sorry Thumper game broke out on the disappointment was expressed by Guess not, it looks like those floor with 3L and ex-b-day boy the crowd when L.H. failed to boneheads from N.Y. got an early B.M. leading the festivities. Note Michael Fagan, First Year strike out. The crowd supposedly vacation!!! See ya in the CAF ... that some unexpected 3L's were got pretty rocked and then headed Pen Name & Alias Page 6 • THE DOCKET • November, 1988 PHOTOS Photo Essay: Goin' Study

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I November, 1988« THE DOCKET • Page 7 FEATURES Just Along For the Ride Counselor by Suzanne Bender homicide. purely for your edification^ gentle As participants in the "Police We eventually end up on Spruce readers — anyone interested in At Large Ride-a-Long" program, Kathy St. I ask Jack if crime is worse viewing an autopsy may call the Powers and I spent Friday evening during the warmer months. city examiner to arrange an in the backseat of an unmarked Jack: Not necess&rily. There are appointment. I seem to have police vehicle with Philadelphia usually more violent crimes in inadvertently lost the slip of paper Dear C.L., on this ultimate path of self Highway Patrol officers Jack colder months because they have with the number of it. Pity. HELP! I am currently a 2L and destruction. The solution is to Cummings and Joe Crone (the more places to hide weapons. See, Foolishly, I ask the little man am experiencing a severe case of regain the disciplined schedule officers were in the front seat). By right about now, as the seasons what the examiners do with a scholastic apathy. How can I get you followed as a IL. Hark back now, all first years who have not are about to change, criminal body that is to be viewed at a out of this slump? upon those study habits of yeste­ yet been for a ride have at least activity is sort of slow because wake. He replies: "Well, let me tell Signed, ryear, and establish a strict reg­ heard various tales from class­ they haven't taken their Part 1 you what I would do with you. Mass of Inertia imen of quality study time for mates who have participated. The outfits out of storage yet. Pretty Here's what I would do. Since you Dear Mass, yourself. Another possible remedy "beat" lasts from 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. soon though, it'll be cold enough have long hair, I would part it on First you must ascertain wheth­ is to engage in extracurricular Ordinarily, I would have an for them to wear their robbery one side, peel your face down er you are going through a tem­ activities so it doesn't seem that extraordinary time attempting to coats. [Me?!], remove, your brain and porary and transient low motiva­ you eat, dfink, and sleep law sit for eight hours. I have enough Me: Why aren't there any lights what not, stuff yoU up with tion cycle or whether you have school. If none of these remedies trouble trying it for forty minutes on in any of these houses? cotton, pull your face back up, sew truly become a second year slug. do the trick, drop out, take your every morning, although the Joe: They don't have electricity. your skin together and cover it Take the following test: GSL refund and try your hand at dreaded prospect of being selected [Kathy and I laugh at the joke]. with your hair. Your family would a) when you are called on to lady luck down in Atlantic City. by Mr. Palm at 8:40 in the morning You think we're kidding? [They never know the difference!" He recite a case, have you totally The key is keeping it all in proper tends to maintain my attention. laugh]. No. They don't pay their smiles again. (My knees buckle denied your identity and pre­ perspective — remember after One's ability to "sit it out," electricity bills, but they've all got and I lean against a cold metal tended to be absent this semester you'll be halfway therefore is directly related to phones! table). Dragging on his two- b) does the word "pass" now there, but for now you're living interest and shock value. Or Jack: Prin-CESS phones with 200 hundreth cigarette of the evening. flow from your mouth with ease on a prayer. maybe just shock value. foot extension cords so they can Jack stands nonchalantly by. I c) have you forgotten to take the The Highway Patrol is the elite talk while they're sittin' outside. hope my family is reassured. plastic covering off your textbook Dear C.L., section of the Philadelphia police At 748 S. 53rd St., a black On the way out [hurry, hurry d) do you not bring yaur case­ I am a married law student and department, and the officers are female is arrested for pointing a ...], Jack and the little man book to class because it's just too have been approached by an supreme. While patrolling, they gun at someone. Six police veh­ exchange words about the pre­ heavy attractive, intelligent bachelor. choose which calls to answer and icles arrive before we do. Big deal. viously mentioned Jamaican who e) do you think it unnecessary When I told him I was married, deal only with "Part 1" crimes: It's a slow night. At the corner was thrown from the van. The to take notes in class because the he said he didn't mind and was rape, homicide, aggravated of 52nd and Locust, we stop at a little man, et al, went to the road professor should be happy you're all too willing to engage in a "no assault, and felonies. None of this corner to chat with two municipal and collected the Jamaican's there at all strings" relationship. I love my "the neighbor's dog is making too cops about Jamaicans and guns brains and eyeballs, "'cause, you f) do you deem classtime the husband, but at the same time I much noise bullshit." Although and a recent incident in which one know, he dragged aboiit 100 feet ideal opportunity to read the find this prospect novel and excit­ they are assigned an area to guy was shot and pushed out of before he stopped. So we had to morning paper or sharpen your ing. I am committed, but curious patrol, they can leave that area a moving van onto the road. (More go out there [Jack is on his two- crossword puzzle skills — should I go for it? at their discretion, and can^ven on this soon). hundred-and-first cigarette] and If you have answered 3 or more Signed I go beyond the city limits if they At 9 p.m., Joe and Jack apologize collect all his body parts which' in the positive, you rightfully have Jane Doe ? need to. for the lack of major activity and were all over the road." Lovely. characterized yourself as a mass • As we make our way toward our suggest we have a look at the city At 9:45, we respond to a call for of inertia. Yet rest assured that Jane you ignorant slut. First, ' "beat" (roughly, the U. Penn morgue. Again, we laugh at the a stabbing in which "a man lost yours is not an isolated case. It there are not any "no tell hotels" area), past the police academy and joke as we roll past H.U.P. and a lot of blood" at 48th and Walnut. is possible to experience a "sopho­ on the Main Line (not any that i Riverview Prison, they tell us to into the parking lot of the City The guy had been stabbed and more slump" in a 3 year program. are reasonably priced anyway). ask them anything we want. Examiner's Office. then made his way to the porch Gone is the novelty and anxiety Secondly, do you really want this Kathy: You two don't mind hav­ Me: So, uh ... you guys weren't of a row house one block away. of first year, yet you have not to come out in front of all of ing two women along, do you? kidding . . . There is blood all over the side­ achieved the inner peace enjoyed American when you're bucking i Joe: Well, yeah, but what can Joe: No we weren't! Hahaha walk. There is an eyewitness who by 3Ls who can see the light at for Supreme Court Justice? Third, f y'do? Well ... you girls aren't [These guys never kid] directs the police to the alleged the end of the tunnel. While your any eligible, attractive bachelors ^''^'•democrats, are you? Joe waits in-the car while Jack, perpetrator, a "40-year-old black plight iscertainly understandable, who seek a good time should be Us: No. Kathy, and 1 climb the high step man, 510", wearing dark clothing, you must come to a grinding halt forwarded to C.L.'s office. j Joe: Good, 'cause that's all that to the basement entrance. Jack carrying a brown paper bag." The S really matters. rings the bell. A little black man stabber is handcuffed and arrest­ * Kathy: So, what's the most sticks his face in the window and ed. Our guys find the weapon but SBA Notes dangerous situation you've been checks out Jack's uniform. He aren't the arresting officers. Jack by Laurie Carberry The fall semester budget meet­ i in? opens the door and sticks his face hits the steering wheel: "Shit! I out. [My knees tremble, hop­ hate when the other team gets the and Yolanda F. Pagano ing was held on September 22. All f Jack: Driving home intoxicated. student groups had the opportun­ \ Me: Have you ever been shot? ing for refusal, hoping for guy! I get so upset when I don't As tradition dictates, the SBA ity to submit proposed budgets. A 1 Jack: Shot at, but not shot. something like, "Sorry, we're . get one!" began the school year with a day I Me: Aren't you ever afraid? closed," or "Sorry, you can't The victim, meanwhile, had of orientation for the ILs. How­ committee of SBA member.s then f Jack: Nah, it pays the bills. come in 'less your DEAD" — been taken to the hospital by a ever, this year the format was a reviewed each budget and deter­ Kathy: We were told at the then I could easily wait my police van. Theambulance arrives bit different. On Thursday the mined the total budget to be station that you might have to turn]. Jack says, "These girls are on the scene just as the van pulled ILs had orientation and registra­ submitted to the Administration. drop us off somewhere. two police ride-a-longs, and the away, and the ambulance attend­ tion, followed by a barbecue. Look for a published finalized Jack: Yeah, they always tell you police commissioner told me to tell ants say that the police should Friday was registration for 2Ls budget in the next issue of The that. We won't though. If we did, you to let us in so they can have have waited for them because and 3Ls. Friday also included a Docket. you'd end up as statistics. a look around." [Yeah, right]. they could have applied a pressure brief-writing session for the ILs On September 30, SBA in con­ Me: We were told to remain in "Oh, alright, come on it!" The' bandage to the wound. Jack com­ and in the evening the Dean's junction with the rugby team the car at all times. little man grins as we enter, and ments that the attendants "over­ annual reception. This revised hosted the Oktoberfest. The after­ Joe: That's because students once we're all inside (and the door reacted. They take that shit too schedule alleviated many of the noon included rugby games have been killed when they got out is shut behind us), he offers togive seriously. They should know by usual registration crowds and against Penn Law, beer, hot dpgs of the car. us a tour of the place. now that these people never die. problems. Overall, registration and socializing. Me: [thinking Joe is kidding] While it is indeed a slow night They get shot and cut up, but they went very smoothly. Thanks to all Thanks to everyone who donat­ When? for the villains, the morgue is just don't die." who participated as colleagues; ed blood for the Fall Blood Drive Joe: I don't remember. Maybefive booked solid. (Maybe all the bad We stop at a gas station for more your help was greatly appreciated. on October 12. Over 45 people years ago. guys were all checked in here cigarettes, and Jack asks us if Student Organization Day was donated making this a fairly Kathy: Which schools were they tonight.) The little man opens the there is anything we want. We Friday, September-9. Each organ­ successful drive. Please give at from? huge steel door to the "box," the politely say no thank you. "Are ization had the chance to solicit our Blood Drive in March. Joe: I don't remember. refrigerated room where the you sure? You hungry?" Again, we new members and discuss upcom­ SBA and Honor Board elections Me: Are you serious? bodies lie before they are auto- politely say no. "Are you sure?" ing events with interested stu­ were held on October 10 and 11. Joe: Yeah. psied. (I thanked God that no I look Jack in the eye and say, dents. This was followed by the The new SBA representatives are: Me: Oh ... So ... what are you autopsies were being performed somberly, "Let's get sushi. Jack." first of those ever-popular "T.Ci.s Section A ILs: K. Candis Best, looking for? while we were there). Unlike the Jack looks at me like I'm crazy and in the cafeteria. Larry Holmes; Section B ILs: Jack: Everything. Part 1 crimes. movies, the bodies are not kept in replies, "You had your chance for On September 20, Friendly's Elizabeth Grieco, Kathy Power; Homicide, robbery, burglary, rape, drawers in the wall. They lie on sushi at the morgue." Are we Bar hosted a night out to celebrate 3L: Lisa Brown; Honor Board ILs: felony, drugs. stretchers, covered with sheets hungry yet? the completion of Moot Court Lisa Massey, Edward Rosenthal, On the way to our beat, we pass (usually — for our viewing plea­ We divide the remaining time briefs. Many of the Moot Court Patty Stroman, Tim Szuhaj, slowly through a Puerto Rican sure, however, one of the sheets between searches for a fellow who participants enjoyed the Joseph Tenaglia. Congratulations neighborhood. Joe drives at 10 had mysteriously blown off one of had been shot and arrested for festivities. and good luck! m.p.h. The folks in the neighbor- the male bodies, naughty bits and buying narcotics (Ijn not sure ho^ immediately recognize the all. Kathy made a particularly which occurred first) and then unmarked car and shout "Agua! insightful comment about this fled from Episcopal Hospital, and Agua!" and "Bomba" as we roll later). Tags with case numbers on another man who had shot a 50- by. Jack sticks his head out the them hang from exposed big toes. year-old woman four times in the window and yells, "Yo MAMA! I have a splendid view from the chest. Outside the bar where the Tell Shithead I'm gonna 'bomba' doorway, but the little man insists woman had been shot. Jack, Joe his ass!" Then, over the radio, the I go on in: "Go AWN! They're not and two detectives look in the road dispatcher reports "a black female gonna bite you. Don't be shy." It for blood and bullets. To their sitting on steps waiting for bus­ is not often that I feel shyness surprise, they find no blood, but iness." The night is young. At a among dead people. they do find a bullet which, one traffic light. Jack leaps out of the We then see the room where the of them surmises, might have car and forces (in a nice way, of autopsies are performed, on metal passed right through the,woman's course) a man out of his car, then tables, with knives like machetes, body. We find neither bad guy searches the inside of it with his and saws. I can't help but notice and, at 1:30 a.m. we speed back flashlight and returns to our car the drains placed strategically in to the Northeast, through each red to find a mug shot. He can't find the floor, and floor to ceiling light all the way back to the police it, so they have to let the man go. shelves holding hundreds of jars station. On the way back to the Jack thought he might have been filled with "tissue samples from Main Line, Kathy drove through Manuel Lopez, wanted for each organ." In<;identally — and a red light. On purpose. New IL SBA Reps: K. Power, L. Holmes, L. Grieco, C. Best Page 8 • THE DOCKET • November, 1988 INTERVIEWS Inquiring Photographer; What would you do to combat the "drugproblem?'*

Photos by I' David Outtfim

Interviews by " \"iy

Suzanne M. Cosentino

Anything that calls attention to sixth grade. I think the kids are I don't think that scare tactics nothing — not that there isn't any the problem can't be stupid. old enough to understand. I don't are a very effective deterrent. As problem, but there are problems There's probably some more think there is any one approach a matter of fact, if the heads of that are far worse that are attack­ things that could be done that are that will work. I think it's got to government were watchmg the ing this country. People try to say more effective. More education be a combination, but I think you imports and were not making that crime is a result of people's programs other than the buzz can do more with education than deals with people like General need for drugs, and that may be word approach. It should start in anything else. Noriega of Panama, maybe we true, but poverty is also a reason elementary school — probably not wouldn't have to do enforcement why people need to steal. Maybe Jay Branderbit 3L in first grade, but fourth, fifth and at the lower levels and penalize we should start working on our people for something that is really domestic problems to improve a symptom and not the cause of people's quality of life, and then the problem. As far as the drug drugs would not be as necessary problem is concerned, I think that a component. they are making much ado about Mignon Klein 2L

I think it's probably the most involved ip drug related activities crimes, the death penalty will be The people the ads are aimed The problem is we're deaung witn important problem that the coun­ (here I mean principally the available in those instances. I at probably aren't watching that money. You take a twelve-year-old try is facing right now. It's been dealers, or people that are really think that's what we have to do. TV show or that promotion, and kid who can sell drugs and make estimated that income from drugs benefitting from the drug related I think that all these other pro­ even if they are, they think that more money than he thinks he'll would constitute probably twenty activities, not the users) just grams (the "Just Say No" and it doesn't apply to them. We need ever see in his lifetime in a week: percent or more of the gross simply go to jail, have very severe education programs) are very to get down to the street level, but I really don't know how you national product, which is astro­ forfeiture penalties. I don't think important because I think that I don't know exactly how to do combat that, except by educating nomical. This is a difficult and that legalization of hard drugs is people need to know the delete­ that. I think education at the very him that there's a way he can get important problem which indi­ the answer. I think that the rious effects that a drug can have basic street level is where it has a job and earn money. cates that maybe crime pays, so Congress has indicated that it is on your life. We must attack drugs to start. Enforcement, if you can Janet Egner I think you have to make it so that taking a" very hard line towards at the source — and I think the stay on top of it, can do something. Placement Director crime doesn't pay. I think that drug offenders. For example, source is the people that profit means enhanced penalties and, there is the notion that if any from it. making sure that the people deaths result from drug related Professor Craig Palm

I think legalization is a ridicu­ but we have to make the oppor­ lous idea. I think awareness is tunities available. Opportunity is The problem is one of both difficult. Our best approach is important, but it won't solve the the most important thing we supply and demand. We must through education, at all levels, whole problem. A lot of the drug could give them so that they won't control supply through stricter and a national social conscience problem stems from economic turn to drugs becaufee they'll-have enforcement and cooperation with that' will not tolerate drug use. deprivation of the lower class. We the opportunity for a better life. foreign governments. Many for­ Legalization is not the solution. not only have to make them aware eign economies rely on the drug of ways to improve themselves Chris Pietrafitta 2L trade. Controlling demand is very John T. Lutz, 2L November, 1988* THE DOCKET • Page 9 miERVIEWS

If drugs were legal, there serious threat to the person who or any other program, concerned I don't think anyone knows tion would probably go farther to wouldn't be a criminal problem. uses it and what is not. To impose about things we ingest for recrea­ what to do about.the drug prob­ eliminate the really negative Basically, I would legalize most obscenely strong penalties, or any tion we must determine what the lem. Presumably as long as there aspects of the drug situation than recreational drugs and let people penalties at all for that matter, for rights and wrongs are, where the is a demand, some enterprising any of the band-aid approaches decide for themselves. I don't the simple use of marijuana is dangers are, and what kind of soul will find a way to fill it. I currently being propounded by think the ads do any good. I thmk counterproductive, not only dangers are so immediate that don't think "Just Say No" com­ politicians seeking re-election. people who want to destroy them­ because people will continue to perhaps they should be regulated. mercials accomplish anything Professor Nancy Schultz selves on drugs are going to use marijuana, but because it My own inclination would be to because I very much doubt that destroy themselves on drugs or discredits the claims that are say that the kinds of drugs that they reach their intended find some other way to destroy" made about other drugs. You have pose immediate threats are few audience, and even if they do, are themselves. 1 doubt that very to balance all of this out, and start and, personally, I'm not even sure not likely to be taken seriously. many people who are into drugs educating the regulators that that I'd regulate those. If there's They certainly are not going to or have the personality that would some kinds of drugs just aren't such an immediate threat, most affect anyone who is already make them susceptible to drugs very serious — recognizing at the people, even people heavily orient­ addicted. I also can't imagine why are goiflg to say no just because same time the ridiculousness of ed toward recreational drugs, are the death penalty would be any Nancy Reagan tells them to. I'm someone who smokes marijuana going to recognize the threat. If more of a deterrent to drug dealers just very skeptical of those kinds regularly and campaigns vigor­ the threat's not so immediate, my than it is to anyone else — no one of programs. Education has to go ously for the criminalization of inclination is to let people decide really expects to get caUght. Just both ways. It seems to me that nicotine. There is an inconsisten­ for themselves, much as they for the sake of creating controv­ if you are going to try to stop cy there. I think that if you are would regarding caffeine or ersy, I'd like to suggest that a heavy drug usage, you have to sort going to have an educational nicotine. /combination of properly targeted out what kind of drug usage is a program or a criminal program. Professor Joseph Dellapenna education, treatment and legaiiza-.

vi 3 •!! ? ® •

I think the ads are great. We the educational campaigns, it and pushing them out of the I think that education about important function in their life. should spend more money on should be stressed that drugs are majority of the city and into a drijgs is important. I think that But, if education causes it to be advertisement. We should have not cool anymore. . limited area, where they can do if the ads can deter those who more difficult for them to get drug education earlier in schools Bruce Matez 3L whatever they want. There's perhaps are predisposed to taking drugs, they might have to consider and we should get much stricter I think the ads with the egg in more and more of the city becom­ drugs but who have not y€t begun, other alternatives. Right now, it on drug offenders and dealers — the frying pan (representing some­ ing less protected by the police they will have accomplished some­ is just too easy to get drugs. At people like that. We need more one's brain who's on drugs) are because drugs are becoming thing. The much more difficult the same time as the ad campaign education for the public — get •much more effective than the ones worse, and Sliwa is saying that problem is tp try to get those who is trying to deter users, there has more people involved in this that advocate parents being we should get all the pushers in are already on drugs to stop taking to also be a campaign to make it campaign like musical artists, pushers of love (before others can a certain sector so that more of them. They are addicted and the more difficult to get the drugs. actors and actresses. The laws push drugs on their kids). It's a the area could be covered by the drugs obviously serve some very Jocelyn Banks 3L aren't strict enough — we need good idea to have Guardian Angels police i.nsteadof neglected. I think more undercover agents and bet­ here. I like Curtis Sliwa's ideas that Ecstacy should be legalized ter enforcement at the borders. In about getting all the drug dealers and sold at Rite Aid and stores like that. That's the stuff that makes you have sex for days without end. Ken Fulginiti 2L

I think that "Just Say No" is ' their mom or to buy food for I don't think the "Just say no" would be enough to deter me from not an option for certain classes themselves. It's so easy for them campaign was effective because popping an extra strength of people. A lot of us in Law School to turn to drugs. The "Just Say Nancy Reagan vvasn't a strong Tylenol. don't see what happens in the ^ No" campaign is a great political enough authority figure. One look inner city — not that I know catch-phase, but we need to do at Barbara Bush on the other hand • Tom McPherson IL personally — but some people just something more than that. can't "just say no" where drugs are their only option to support Chris Lewis IL"

L Page 10* THE DOCKET • November, 1988

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. Contact Campus Representatives: Tammy Pemie, Sheila Anderson, Matthew Reale November, 1988* THE DOCKET • Page 11 FEATURES BLSA Pumpkin Sale The Court Is Moot

by Lisa Massey Book.) Of course, fall grades are substance of their briefs, their This year will be the twenty- but a clue to whether vve've ability to argue their briefs and, ISA Hiimm'- n -M ninth annual Moot Court compe­ figured eut how to watch T.V. and i even worse, scores are taken off tition. First years, like me, might read Contracts at the same time ^ for incorrect citations according % ask "What is a Moot Court Com­ — it is the Spring grades that are to the blue book. m petition?" I used to ask that key. In the Spring semester each question, but now I know and I first year will write a brief and ONCE YOU GET ON - People •1^ will tell you what it is too. The then argue it and this will count who get on Moot Court because Moot Court Competition of VLS towards a grade in Legal Writing. they did well and were recom­ is named after Judge Theodore L. In the summer the professor will mended by their Legal Writing Reimel and is an annual intra- recommend three students who prof would, in their second year, school competition. Judge Reimel have the highest grades in legal help design first year problems % was a benefactor of VLS and writing to be on Moot Court and write a bench memo for the contributed greatly to the school Board. If you are on Moot Court first year problem they helped to help it become the successful Board you won't have to take part design. The third years include and esteemed law school it is in the Reimel Competitions. also the people who argued their today. Judge Reimel, before he way onto Moot, Court Board and served on the bench of the Court IF YOU ARE NOT A FIRST the third year members partici­ of Common Pleas in Philadelphia, YEAR — The Reimel Competition pate in outside competitions with was a trial lawyer for fifteen is for second and third year other schools to represent VLS years, for a decade an ADA, and students, and the people who and to bring back awards. In an associate professor and lecturer make the semi-finals are asked to addition they do a lot of adminis­ at Temple Law School. He was a be on the Moot Court Board. This trative work, like office hours and member of the original Board of is a requirement for all students running the Reimel Competition. Consultors at Villanova Law who have not made Law Review, Mary Jo "Gilsdorf told me that School. And he has this competi­ i.e. just about everybody. In the running the Reimel Competition tion named after him. Now that first round no teams are eliminat­ is a huge administrative under­ you know the background of the ed but after the second round only taking and the members are Moot Court CoiApetitioh you the sixteen teams attaining the always trying to do their best. The The Slapster probably want to know what it's highest scores are left. The third day I spoke to her the brief scores all about. I interviewed Mary Jo round halves this number and had been released in an effort to Gilsdorf, the head of the Moot achieve consistency and to double (Continued from page 12) vultures? And why can't someone after the fourth round there will Court Board to find out. be four teams that have made the check the system. King? Mitch Green? And who like Mike Tyson expect and IF YOU ARE A FIRST YEAR semi-finals. The first and second could Mike Tyson really trust? receive integrity from those he I asked her if the Moot Court — The fall grades for legal writ­ rounds are judged by alumni. The Despite his phenomenal boxing deals with? The answer, sadly, Board members would likely grad­ ing, as we all are relieved to know, third round is judged by experts success, he has never become the answer to every question in uate to a career in litigation and are only worth 25%, but these in the field (this year experts in worldly, and has had to be in a which one party is taken advan­ Mary Jo Gilsdorf said not neces­ grades will be important as they environmental law will judge) and sarily. These people all have oral position to depend on scores of tage of by others; it's the bottom will let you know if you could be people "guiding" his career. How line. No one ever said it was going the semi-finals and finals will be advocacy talent, but not all recommended by your professor judged by real judges from the is a Mike Tyson supposed to to be easy. That I can accept. No winners of the competition will be for the Moot Court Board. (Aha! Court of Common Pleas. This protect himself? Who is ever one ever said it was going to be litigators. So that's an overview You say, there is a reason to be process begins in the fall and the of the Moot Court Board and the looking out for him? Rhetorical fair. Well, maybe it's about time nice to my Legal Writing prof even questions fire from every corner. finals take place in the spring. The Reimel Competition. someone did, and meant it. That though I've been assigned the Looking out for him in a differ­ might make things a little easier Judge Theodore L. Reimel Award I wonder if anyone has ever latest in torture: correcting cit­ is presented to the winning team. really figured out the blue book ent sense is the media. The came- on the Mike Tysons of this world ations according to the Blue -ras have focused on his every in the future. As lawyers, maybe The students are judged for the move, recording every inner weak- this is something to shoot for. -mess and private triumph, expos­ Extra Point: The "No ^ Cone" ing his most basic expectations of Effect. You all remember the privacy and popping flash cubes Cone Effect, where Mets' pitcher Championship Action on his most personal secrets, with David Cone had a sports column less than no regard for what best ghost-written for him in the New served Mike Tyson, just with York Daily News, a column in regard for what sold papers. which he tnade some comments Couldn't they just have stuck which so inflamed the Dodgers with stories of Elvis being alive? that they proceeded to shell him (Of course, it's tough to really like an elephant on steroids would come down hard on the media for do up Mr. Peanut. To fire them­ exploiting Mike Tyson as I devote selves up, the column was xeroxed major column space to him now. and papered all over the Dodgers' • But I never claimed that I wasn't locker room. Well, the DQcket a hypocrite.) In particular, I got sports pages had our own Cone annoyed at Barbara Walters, Effect in reverse. Last month's admonishing her viewers after issue contained not a single com­ showing her follow-up of the ment, good or bad, about the VLS Tyson/Givens interview, telling Rugby team. Scott Cronin, the her co-host that she said in the rugby beat writer (and he was beginning it was a private affair very beat that month, what with between two people and it was a doing his moot court brief and all) shame the way people (read: the got his regular Ruck and Mire press) have been intruding on column in just under the wire. their personal lives. That's like Unfortunately, he should've got it the captain of the Titanic saying in under the printer's door rather he really hates how his crew went than the wire, and as a result, ahead and rammed that iceburg. there was no rugby report last by Chris Kemprowski center off the bat of John Tyrell. Tell us more about it or your next month. This so inflamed the team man drive. The Villanova Law School soft- The next two innings amounted follow-up interview, Babs, when (of which Scott is a member, by The Big Red Machine countered ball season concluded on October to a defensive stalemate, as neith­ you bring more of the story from the way), that they went out and with the top of their lineup in the 24, with what promised to be an er team could push a run across the tabloids to the tube-loids. demolished the Thomas Cooley bottom of the inning. Following a exciting third-year match-up the plate. And now Robin Givens is film­ Law School ruggers in much the lead-off double, a disputed call at between the Big Red Machine and Then, in the top of the fourth, ing her series out in California and manner of Mr. Peanut on steroids first seemed to take the wind out VLS Champion, ORPP. ORPP struck for two runs to cut readying for the divorce bout in a job on a truckload of the 1987 of ORPP's sails. The Big Red doing Both teams delivered with a game the lead to 3—2. ORPP tied it up the land of sushi, skin cancer and Smucker's jelly. (Steroid jokes Machine seized this opportunity that actually proved worthy of the in the fifth on clutch hits by Brad community property. Tyson will and Mr. Peanut jokes are in this to rap six consecutive hits, sub­ title "Championship." Molotsky and Bruce Matez. be a different man without his month, don't ask me why.) To fire sequently scoring the four runs The Big Red Machine broke out In the top of the sixth and final wife. He'll still have the same themselves up, blank pieces of they needed to win the game, and to a 3—0 lead in the bottom of the inning, ORPP took a 6—3 lead in thirty-six inch waist, but may yet paper containing virtually no the VLS Championship, by a final first inning on a long triple to left- a rally capped by a Scott Silver­ have to tighten his money belt a reference to the rubgy team were score of 7—6. few notches. But, ultimately, distributed to all the team things will stay the same. There members. Granted, most of them will be just as many hands out, had no idea what any of this was just as many pats on the back, just about or that Scott Cronin even as many dotted lines, just as many writes a column about the team handlers and hangers-on. Tyson's in the first place, but it must have camp will smother him with fired them up, since they went on advice to see to it Mike Tyson's to whip all comers in capturing career remains as profitable for the tournament championship. them as possible. For results like these, we should The system and those with leave those guys out of the paper responsibility for advising the very month. As a side note, David champ haven't done too well by Cone, to prevent any future rec­ Mike Tyson in my book. At what urrence of his effect, discontinued point does the system become his column. On the other side of responsive to the needs of someone the field, Scott Cronin has not yet like Mike Tyson, where it can resumed his. We'll see if we can prevent his success from making perpetuate the Cronin effect this him the prey of so many circling month. Page 12 • THE DOCKET • November, 1988 SPORTS The Slapster Urine For It Now bottle, saying Warning: The when I don't really give a damn Steroid ... I remember not so Surgeon General has deter­ about something), but I feel bad All You long ago, when the only image the mined that steroid use can be . for Mike Tyson. word conjured up was that of a hazardous to your health after He married a woman who, by mutant bull. Now it conjures up you retire and maybe including all accounts, was light years an image of the world's fastest a comment about pregnant women beyond him intellectually and Need Is human, humiliated in front of a (as in 'steroid use can turn you socially. Robin Givens had grad­ global audience, being stripped of into one'). But it comes down to uated from Sarah Lawrence Uni­ his gold medal. Now it conjures a question. versity (curiously, the alma mater GLOVE up images of former high school The question it comes down to of Yoko Ono and Linda mcCartney football players once rock-solid, is this: Who is to decide what is — what do they teach those finding themselves with biological right and wrong, who protects or undergrads up there?) and had systems out of whack, growing punishes the athlete? Can the d^ed megastars like Eddie flabby in strange places, their athlete be responsible for making M^irphy and Michael Jordan bodies doing things that were not up his own mind?; after all, it is before stepping into the wedding included in the original DNA his or her own body that will ring with Mike Tyson. Tyson was blueprint. Now it conjures up suffer the long-term damage. In a heavyweight, but he wasn't in images of pre- and post- a poll taken of Olympians at her weight class. Looking back, by Chris Kemprowski but wait 'till next year! competition trips to the locker Seoul, the majority said they maybe there was some real attrac­ The regular softball season, Rounding out the rest of the room with a little plastic cup to would take a drug which would tion between the glamorous, beau­ while offering a few surprises, league. Nolo Contendere (3-3) fill. To paraphrase a song title, kill them in five years if it meant tiful, articulate television star held largely to form with three of finished a wishy-washy .500. A this is the dawning of the age of they would win a gold medal now. with the upper-middle class back­ the four playoff teams emerging Complete Mess (2-4) was. At 1-5, urinalysis. Apart from the conclusion that ground and the tough-but- from the second and third-year the No Names should not be Olympians are more than a little vulnerble ghetto kid who grew up classes. expected to earn their names at Two points of controversy jump warped, it also brings a home the in a gym who has trouble express­ any time soon, and finally, the The biggest surprise was the out of the blocks: who is to decide point that at some level winning ing himself and who overcame as Aristocrats (0-6) hit rock-bottom emergence of a first-year group what an athlete can put into his does, in the words of Vince Lom- harsh a childhood imaginable, and couldn't buy a win (although with an unimaginative first-year body, and what rights of privacy bardi, become the only thing. first in a fight for survival, later I don't really know if they tried). name — the Torts. This squad in fights for accomplishment. managed to get timely hitting and Certainly Tyson was high-profile, defense all season long and won With the regular season out of and the best in the world at what the National League's regular the way, the playoffs began with he does. They say love is blind, Sports Cour^ season with a 6-0 record. the Big Red Machine pitted but I think this is a case of love against Different Trim for the being punch-drunk. In the end, Elsewhere in the N.L., last A.L. championship. In a game Reports love was given a couple standing year's champs, ORPP, got down Miami coach Jimmy Johnson eights and counted out. to business after an Opening Day would have loved, the Big Red by The Slapster My understanding of legal loss and finished the season with Machine ran it up by a final tally implications of marriage and five straight wins. Their regular of 23-3 to earn themselves a berth can be violated in determining i Is the purpose of the law to divorce as far as property goes is season was capped by a double- in the finals. whether rules have been violated? protect these people from them­ admittedly superficial at best, but header sweep on the last day of Things were a little more heated Lots has been said and written selves? Is it to maintain a fair what was anybody in Tyson's the season, clinching a playoff in the National League, where, about drug use in athletics and arena of competition? Where does corner thinking when the opening berth for the second straight year. after two near-brawls, ORPP drug testing. I won't attempt to the government's obligation to bell rang on this marriage? Even Just missing out on the playoffs recap that material, and if there protect its citizens end and the if no one doubted Robin Givens' rallied its way back to the finals was Dicked 'Em, who finished the by overcoming a 7-3 deficit to beat is a quiz later on, you won't be citizen's right to self- devotion, would it not have been season at four up and two down. the over-confident (even cocky?) responsible for it. determination begin? And where a sound idea to make some kind While they were a team that Torts by a final score of 12-8. It The N.B.A. has a drug policy, does a person's right to privacy of pre-nuptial agreement? Tyson probably should have been there, appears that the Tots (uh. Torts) involving suspension and even extend, to the tile floor of the most commands millions and hundreds they just didn't get the job done, did not learn from the Mets that banning for life in the case of private room in the house? And of millions; he stood to lose a especially in their loss to ORPP. repeat drug offenders. The N.F.L. ^ what if the chemists are wrong, substantial portion of that. Cer­ you can't win a championship without first winning your has a regular list now, much like about the danger of the drug or tainly it's understandable that The rest of the National League the disabled list, of players cur­ the results of the tests? Tyson, in the elation of his engage­ was a prime example of bottom- league. rently unavailable for drug sus­ I don't know. Quit asking so ment and wedding plans to a pensions. The regular list even nriany questions and fill the damn gorgeous, desireable woman, want­ has regulars at this point. (Here's cup. ed to affirm the indestructbility a tip for aspiring athlete/authors Split Decision of their love by rejecting any and — if you're going to brag in Robin Givens wants a divorce. all efforts for contingency in case Chapter 11 about how easy it was She initially retained Marvin of marital disaster. But couldn't to fool all your teammates, coaches Mitchelson, the top hired gun someone have been able to and league personnel about your divorce lawyer in the free world. arrange some kind of agreement drug involvement in the past, . (The only reason it's still the free that made sense without offending don't plan on getting away with world is that it has never been the tenets of true love as seen by indulging in the future, Law­ married to one of Marvin's the leading heavyweight in the rence.) Baseball has seen the clients). A week later, she traded world? expansion of the concept of a base in Mitchelson for a New York And who would this someone hit to include the prefacing word divorce specialist. Amid allega­ have been? Tyson was caught in "free-," and the idea of a foul line tions of physical abuse and mental the vise between two conflicting • is now one made of white powder. illness, Ms. Givens is punching in groups, each vying to control his In all cases, urinalysis has been her ticket. Tyson's camp (boxers finances and, as a secondary by­ the tattletale, the goody-goody and adolescents on summer vaca­ product, his Hfe. His advisors on teacher's pet who sits in the front tion have 'camps') claims Givens the one hand, la Givens and her of the class and raises her hand and her mother sedated Tyson for mother on the other, Tyson found to report to the teacher what evils his now-famous 20/20 appear­ himself constantly being went on when she left the room. ance (during which Robin Givens squeezed. With a divorce pending, But the fact is those drugs are told Baba Walters that Tyson was that squeeze is only starting. Who Congratulating the Winners For mote, see page 11. illegal per se. People go to jail for a manic depressive whoscared the indeed was there looking out end parity — better known as FINAL STANDINGS using them. Tattletale or law hell out of her while Tyson sat solely for Mike Tyson's best National League enforcement tool, urinalysis mere­ to her immediate right and stared interests in this whole affair? mediocrity. No Pro Bono and Chico's Bail Bonds got their TORTS 6-0 ly confirms or dispels suspicions. directly at her as intensely as Obviously not his wife, if the ORPP 5-1 You know when a player is up anyone this side of Marty Feld- papers and Barbara Walters inter­ requisite two wins each, and the Sub-Peenies (also 2-4) were disap­ Dicked 'Em 4-2 to snuff (in the inhalation con­ man). More noise out of Tyson's views are to be believed. His No Pro Bono 2-4 text), you get suspicious when camp suggests the possibility of entourage of boxing advisors and pointing, looking like world- beaters on one day, but playing Sub-Peenies 2-4 behavior and performance turn an annulment, and unsavory other campers? It seems the only Chico's Bail Bonds 2-4 erratic. But steroids are a different allegations about Ms. Givens. interest they had in Mike Tyson their next game as if the word "Phillies" was imprinted on their Dissenters 0-6 matter. Maybe my view is slanted (I do was compounded monthly. Don chests. American League Steroids are performance so try to stay impartial, especially . (Continued on page 11) BIG RED MACHINE 6-0 enhancers, body-alterers, enabling The N.L. cellar-dwellers, the DIFFERENT TRIM 5-1 muscles to be bulked up exponen­ Dissenters (0—6), need to be Phantoms 4-2 tially. But at what cost? The reversed and remanded for next Nolo Contendere 3-3 superficial result is the entice­ year. They did show up for all six A Complete Mess 2-4 ment of strength, speed, power — games though — a tribute to No Names 1-5 the easy way, through science. captain Jim Robertson's inspira­ Aristocrats 0-6 Given the opportunity to be a tional skills. second-string high schooler and The Big Red Machine won the intramural college player, or an The American League race Villanova Law School Softball all-star at all levels upon whom concluded as predicted here, with Championship by rallying past is showered newspaper clips and the Big Red Machine rambling defending champion ORPP, 7—6, scholarships, cheerleaders' pom­ through the regular season with in a nerve-racking title game pon shakes and agents' hand­ an undefeated record. played at the Polo Field on the shakes, the arguments against afternoon of October 24. may not be readily apparent. Different Trim (5-1) earned the The Big Red Machine earned Research shows the drug to second playoff spot, but not with­ .the right to play for the title by have many unanticipated and out being tested by another out­ mauling Different Trim, 23—3, on unappetizing effects on the human standing first-year team, the October 12. Meanwhile, ORPP body. As Nero once said, if you're Phantoms (4-2), who, earlier in the had beaten the first-year Torts on going to dance, you've got to pay season beat the Torts in an exhi­ October 17 by a final score of 12— the fiddler. Perhaps there could bition "Championship" — sorry 8, to reach the championship have been labels on the side of the Win Over Penn/Cronin Effect it didn't work out for real, guys. game for the second straight year.