Kulanu B'yachad All of Us Together
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MJCBYELUL 5773 - TISHREI 5774 SEPTEMBER 2013 NEWSVOLUME 108 NUMBER 1 Kulanu B’Yachad Inside All of Us Together Schedule of Services 2 Notes From Your Leaders 3 High Holiday Schedule 6 Synagogue News 7 Family News 12 School News 13 Youth News 14 Sisterhood News 15 Contributions 18 Yahrzeit 20 Calendar 23 Shana Tova Umetukah SCHEDULE OF SERVICES Friday, August 30 Morristown Jewish Center 7:17pm Candlelighting 6:15pm Services Beit Yisrael Saturday, August 31 9:30am Services CLERGY & STAFF Doug Landsman & Todd Sedra: Nitzavim/Vayelech Rabbi David J. Nesson Schleifstein, Men’s Club Bat Mitzvah of Avianna Miller 8:30pm Selichot Program and Services Cantor Vadim Yucht Kathy Neibart, Membership Gerry Gross, Executive Director Michelle Usiskin, Minyonaires Wednesday, September 4 Shai Lewitter, USY and Kadima Advisor Howard Baum & Paul Green, Ritual 7:09pm Candlelighting Karen London, Sababah Advisor Lynne Rosenfeld & Jill Frankel, 6:30pm Erev Rosh Hashanah Services Adam Smith, Sababah Junior Advisor Co-Presidents of Sisterhood Thursday, September 5 Mia Mutascio, Office Manager Trish Grushkin, Shalom Yeladim First Day of Rosh Hashanah Flo Sager, Religious School Administrator Committee Chair See Detailed Schedule on Page 7 Michelle Nulman & Gail Sulkin, Louis Bodian, Social Action 2:00pm Lunch with the Clergy following Co-Directors of Education Jeffrey Grayzel & Adam Smith, Youth Groups services Tamara Goldberg, Bookkeeper 5:20pm Tashlich at Speedwell Lake Peppi Glass, Adult Education 6:45pm Mincha/Maariv Richard Gaskins, Custodian SISTERHOOD SUPPORT Friday, September 6 EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE Judaica Gift Shop Second Day of Rosh Hashanah Robert Berns & Fern Spitzer, Co-Presidents See Detailed Schedule on Page 7 Deborah Brody, First Vice President Meryl Balaban (973) 366-6668 7:05pm Candlelighting Sharon Barkauskas (973) 285-1877 6:15pm Services Dorothy Cohen, Second Vice President Julie Perlow & Rebecca Wanatick, Donna Gross (973) 895-5553 Saturday, September 7 Co-Third Vice Presidents Vivian Laska (973) 984-8178 9:30am Services Shabbat Shuva Mark Bender, Treasurer Kiddush Committee Sedra: Ha’azinu Eric Weinstock, Immediate Past President Harriet Sakofs (973) 292-1959 Friday, September 13 Ira Hammer, Advisor Michelle Usiskin (973) 543-5795 Erev Yom Kippur David Reingold, Advisor Sisterhood Torah Fund 6:54pm Candlelighting Beth Hancock (646) 872-7000 5:45pm Kol Nidre for Kids ARMS OF THE SYNAGOGUE & Andrea Needel (973) 895-2807 6:30pm Kol Nidre (Main Services) COMMITTEE CHAIRS Linda Rosenbaum (973) 895-2390 Saturday, September 14 Michael Needle, AIPAC Chapter Flower Fund Yom Kippur Jeremy Diringer & Todd Schleifstein, Lauren Najarian (973) 343-7419 See Detailed Schedule on Page 7 Board of Education Library Donor Wall Mark Bender, Facilities Thursday. September 19 Sharon Barkauskas (973) 285-1877 First Day of Sukkot Dorothy Cohen & Donna Gross, Fundraising 9:30am Services Marcy Needle, Gemilut Hasadim NEWSLETTER H. Lewis Stone, History Committee Steve Gardberg, Editor Friday, September 20 Keith Usiskin, Kol Nidre Appeal Second Day of Sukkot Lili Rosenstreich, Designer 9:30am Services Rita Fand, Donna Gross, Marcy Needle, Bailey 6:42pm Candlelighting Rechler, Copy Editors 6:00pm Magical Shabbat in the Sukkah 7:30pm Services Saturday, September 21 9:30am Services Sedra: Hol Hamoed Sukkot Morristown Jewish Center Beit Yisrael is your community. Thursday. September 26 Our clergy is here for you. Please let us know when you need us—if someone is Shemini Atzeret 9:30am Services with Yizkor ill or in the hospital—or when you want to share your good news: a new baby, a 7:00pm Maariv and Hakafot marriage, or other simcha. We want to know; but you have to tell us. Please call Friday, September 27 the office at (973) 538-9292 or email office@mjcby. Simchat Torah 9:30am Services org. When you have experienced the death of a loved 6:30pm Candlelighting one, please contact Rabbi Nesson at (973) 538-9292 8:15pm Services or (973) 285-9772 before you make any plans. In Saturday, September 28 this way he will be the most helpful in making these 9:30am Services Sedra: Bereshit preparations in a proper Jewish manner. 2 • ELUL 5773 - TISHREI 5774 SEPTEMBER 2013 FROM THE DESK OF THE RABBI Four Ways NOT to Say You Are Sorry and Four Ways to Ask Forgiveness dedicate this versity of Massachusetts Medical School means nothing. Iarticle to two and the author of a book called On Apol- Such half-hearted or quarter-hearted words—the two ogy lists a number of pseudo-apologies apologies don’t work. In fact, according to words that stand at the center of Rosh Ha- that we have all heard and that we have Dr. Lazare, they make things worse. They shanah and Yom Kippur. The two words are: occasionally tried to get away with. are patronizing. The message is: if you forgive me. Here are four attempts at apology that weren’t so hypersensitive, if you weren’t And I dedicate this article to three other just don’t work. so thin skinned, nothing would have been words that are also at the essence of our One is to say, “Mistakes were made.” wrong. Yamim Noraim, our High Holidays: I am What does that mean? Who is the subject Maimonides, in his Hilchot Teshuva, sorry. of that sentence? Mistakes were made— Laws of Repentance, spells out four steps This is the season of the year when we by whom? If you can’t say that you made in a genuine apology. Here is what he says: are supposed to apologize and ask forgive- the mistake but can only say that mistakes 1. You have to acknowledge and take ness from each other for whatever hurt we were made, that does not count as an responsibility for your bad behavior. Not have caused each other during the year apology. Nice try, but it does not count. saying, “The devil made me do it,” or “I that is now ending. A second cop-out is to say, “To the ex- didn’t mean to do it,” or “My heredity or Apologizing is not an easy thing to do, tent that you were offended, I am sorry.” my environment made me do it.” Step one especially in our culture where it is consid- That puts the onus on the other person, is to say, “I did it.” ered a sign of weakness to say, “I’m sorry.” not on you. It is their hang up, it is their 2. The second step is to express your But that is not the way the Jewish tra- fault that they took offense about what sorrow. “I am sorry that I did it, and that dition understands it. In the Jewish tra- you said or did. This seems to be the An- this and this happened as a result.” dition, the ability to say, “Please forgive thony Weiner version of apology. Again, 3. The third step is to make amends. “I me” is considered a sign of strength, not nice try, but it does not count as a real broke the statue? I would like to pay for of weakness. Erich Segal, the author of apology. it.” “I bad mouthed you in front of your Love Story, may have been the son of a A third non-apology is to say, “You can’t friends? I would like to tell them I was rabbi but he really got it all wrong when expect me to be perfect.” True, but you wrong.” “I may not be able to undo all the he wrote, “Love means never having to can expect me to be regretful when I do harm that I did but I wish that I could and say you’re sorry.” It is just the other way something that hurts you. Even if I am not I will to the extent that I can.” around. perfect, I can be careful and thoughtful 4. The fourth step is to promise you will If you love someone and you hurt them, and try to avoid hurting other people. Sor- not do it again. then the thing to do, according to the Jew- ry but “You can’t expect me to be perfect” These are the steps to making a genuine ish tradition, is to say that you’re sorry. doesn’t quite cut it. apology. Apologizing is not easy. We hesitate to The fourth alibi is to say, “If I have I share these thoughts about how to say, “We are sorry” for fear that our apol- hurt anybody, I’m sorry.” The “if” is the apologize with you because this is the ogy will be rejected. We hesitate to say, giveaway. It means, I don’t really think I agenda for this season of the year; this “I was wrong” since it is embarrassing to did anything wrong, but if you think so, I is the time when we are all supposed to admit that we have done wrong. apologize. And addressing the apology to be engaged in the task of making up with And yet, whether we like to or not, “anybody” is not right either. The whole those whom we have hurt. Once we do, we whether we want to or not, this is the sea- point of teshuvah is to understand that can enter the New Year with renewal. son of the year when we are all supposed you have hurt someone specific, that you to apologize and make amends for the have hurt this person who is standing in Rabbi Nesson harm we have done to each other. front of you, and apologizing to “anybody” Dr. Aaron Lazare, the dean of the Uni- is the same as apologizing to nobody. It ELUL 5773 - TISHREI 5774 SEPTEMBER 2013 • 3 A NOTE FROM THE cantor ear Friends, on job education to newcomers from the Alex was a man who picked up his shirts D As the Jew- Association of New Americans in the North at the dry cleaner and, before going to ish New Year will Tower of the World Trade Center.