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Top-up fees blamed Dean to bless gay couples for larger drop in Emma chapel first in C of E to endorse civil partnerships UCAS applications

the number of applicants, Rachel Divall Raj Bavishi but the following year it Worsley went up again and has & Amelia continued with steady THE DEAN of Emmanuel College has said he growth until 2005. We see will consider offering blessings to same sex FIGURES PUBLISHED by no reason why that should- couples’ civil partnerships. UCAS yesterday show that n’t continue.” In defiance of the Church of England’s ban university appli- Applications to on clergy offering such services, Rev Jeremy cations Cambridge have fallen Caddick has written to the Bishop of Ely, fell by for the second year telling him, “we would not wish to close the almost 4 running. They are door to having services for members of the per cent down from 14,684 College community who requested them.” following applications for Mr Caddick is able to bless officially the intro- entry in 2004 to because Cambridge colleges are not under duction of 14,080 applica- the formal jurisdiction of the Diocese of Ely. top-up fees – tions for entry in They are one of the few institutions unaffect- twice the 2006 – a fall of 4.1 ed by the House of Bishops’ announcement government’s per cent. last year prohibiting such services. prediction – A University Mr Caddick’s letter follows discussion of and the first spokesperson the matter by both Emmanuel College drop in applica- suggested it was Council and Chapel Committee. His stance tions for six too early to could pave the way for other institutions not years. This read anything into the under the bishops’ direct control to conduct announcement fall. “It follows a similar dip similar services. comes as fears that the cap last year and a record high The House of Bishops’ statement on homo- on top-up fees may rise to in 2004, so we suspect that sexual unions was criticised for giving a £5000 and a warning from we are probably losing spec- mixed message, as it said clergy would be free Universities UK that inter- ulative applications from the to enter into civil partnerships because this national applications are long tail of weaker appli- was not “intrinsically incompatible” with falling. cants.” CUSU President holy orders. The government had Laura Walsh gave a different Mr Caddick admitted there have as yet predicted applications view. “We’re very, very been no requests for same sex blessings, but would only drop by 2 per concerned, but it doesn’t said he was unhappy with “not offering a cent: last year there was an come as a surprise. It is the blessing on the one hand and encouraging 8.9 per cent surge in appli- same with universities clergy to respond sensitively to requests for cations as English students nationally, but it doesn’t prayer on the other.” His letter describes rushed to avoid the £3000 help that Cambridge already “dismay” at the House of Bishops’ stance, top-up fees, affecting those has high living costs.” asking “to put it bluntly, what planet is the starting in September 2006. Kat Fletcher, NUS House on? We shoot ourselves in the foot if But UCAS’ statistics show a President, said the drop in the we get sidetracked into picking over which 3.4 per cent decrease in the national figures was extreme- adult relationships are acceptable.” number of teenagers apply- ly worrying and “suggests that Jordan Holland, CUSU LBGT President, ing to UK higher education top-up fees and the debt they said “This sounds like a really positive step courses by the January 15 represent are deterring poten- and I’m really pleased that the impetus is closing date. tial students.” She coming from within the University.” The Department for emphasised, “Our standpoint, Canon Spencer-Thomas, spokesman for Education and Skills that debt puts off students - the Diocese of Ely, told Varsity “There is a responded, saying, “given particularly those from poorer wide range of views in any community. the big increase in figures or less traditional backgrounds Dialogue between Jeremy and the bishop will last year there was bound to - has been backed up over and continue in a spirit of friendship”. be a decrease this year.” A over again by research and Members and alumni of Emmanuel will DERRINGER MICHAEL DfES spokeswoman suggest- statistics from both the pro- now enjoy the unique position of being the ed this year’s decline was an and anti-fee lobbies.” only people in the country currently able to anomaly, “Something simi- Worried that current fund- receive an official church blessing of their civil lar happened in 1998 when ing structures are partnership. tuition fees were intro- unsustainable, >>Editorial, page 13 duced. There was a dip in >>continued on page 2

No. 634, 17th February, 2006 www.varsity.co.uk

Interview Feature The Dark Side >> Only 11 MPs vote less in In a small church off King’s A Chinese musical extravaganza. With subtitles Parliament than George Parade, they’re having a Galloway does. Three of them special Valentine’s Day service are ineligible, five refuse to to celebrate the Goth Sophie Dahl >> take their seats, and another Eucharist. We join in tram- The opium of the people speaks of her youth two are dead. We ask him if pling red roses round a he’s doing his job properly. cross-shaped candle cluster. Then he gets angry. The Goths are quite friendly. Park Chan-Wook >> page 9 >> page 10 The Asian Tarantino on sympathy and vengeance >> 2 Varsity News 17.02.06

Kissing risk for students Stabbing on Being a student and kissing UCAS applications different partners can quadruple the risk of >>continued from front page government for not investing Universities, only Cambridge meningitis, according to a the former head of the higher enough money in widening and York registered a substan- Parker’s Piece

new study. Researchers education funding council, Sir participation among poorer tial drop in applications, with JONES BEN questioned 144 teenagers Howard Newby, announced last students in Britain. But Bill London-based King’s, UCL, LSE aged 15 to 19 diagnosed week that the cap on annual Rammell, Higher Education and Imperial all recording with meningitis at English tuition fees could rise to £5,000 Minister countered, “Crucially, increases compared to last year. hospitals and compared by 2010. today’s figures show that there The figures also show that each with a teenager of the This crisis of funding has has been no reduction in the universities who have set their same age from their GP's caused universities to rely on proportion of students from fees lower than the maximum list. The team investigated money from international lower socio-economic groups.” £3000 in an effort to attract factors that might affect the students, who contribute about Rammell insisted young applications, such as Greenwich teenagers’ risk of catching £4bn a year to British universi- people were not deterred when and Leeds Metropolitan, have the disease. They found ties and £10bn to the economy they knew all the facts about had mixed results. Leeds Met being a student and kissing as a whole. Evidence of this the new funding regime - such gained by more than 8 per cent, lots of people were associ- dependence comes at the same as the extra bursaries and grants but Greenwich suffered a 7 per ated with an increased risk time as a Universities UK survey available - and the fact that they cent drop in applications. of meningitis, while warned that applications by only pay fees after graduating. By contrast, in Scotland and attending religious events international students also In December the Times Higher Wales, where different fee was linked to a reduced declined last year. reported the Russell Group of arrangements apply, applica- The YMCA on Parker’s Piece where the victim stayed risk. It was suggested that One of the main concerns research-led universities had tions increased over the same home on Abbey Road last this is because religious among opponents of tuition suffered the largest drop in period. As requests to English Joe Gosden week. Two teenagers were young people are less likely fees was that it would put off applications. universities fell by 4.5 per cent, arrested and charged with to kiss multiple partners. people from poorer families. Birmingham and Sheffield those to all other UK universi- A TEENAGER is in hospital attempted murder. Consequently, they have a But the UCAS figures reveal both registered a fall of more ties rose by nearly 2.5 per cent. after sustaining life-threatening A spokesperson for smaller chance of exposure that although there was a than 5 per cent, while applica- When presented with this injuries following a knife attack Cambridgeshire Constabulary to the meningococcal decrease in applicants from tions to Nottingham were 14 information, many students on Parker’s Piece on Saturday highlighted that violent crime bacteria that can lead to poorer backgrounds, it was no per cent lower. Although appli- told Varsity of their concerns night. This is the second assault was falling in the city and knife meningitis. Linda Glennie more pronounced than for cations to Russell Group that this suggested English in Cambridge with a bladed attacks remain extremely rare. from the Meningitis other social groups. universities in general fell, of students were applying to weapon in 10 days. Jonothan Martin, Cambridge Research Foundation said, Sir Howard also criticised the The Sunday Times’ Top 10 universities in Scotland and The 18 year-old male had YMCA Chief Executive, told

“I don’t expect teenagers to MARLAND JAMIE Wales to avoid fees. been staying at the nearby Varsity “There was an unfortu- become nuns and monks At the Liberal Democrat YMCA and witnesses say he nate incident on February 11 for the duration of univer- leadership hustings held at was standing with friends 2006 at around 9.30pm on sity, but I would encourage Churchill College on outside the building when he Parker's Piece that involved 2 them to be aware of the Wednesday night, former became involved in a fight with residents from the YMCA on symptoms.” Selwyn JCR president Simon another hostel resident. Gonville Place. Nothing Hughes MP, declared to Varsity, The injuries were described happened on site and the staff “These figures just confirm as life-threatening when the were not aware of any issue or what we all feared, I am firmly boy, who had been slashed disagreement between the two Hold-up in the against top up fees. There are across the head with what individuals.” city centre many other ways of bringing police suspect to be a machete, He added “The YMCA is A man was arrested after an money in, such as donations was admitted to Addenbrooke’s helping the Police with their armed raid on a building by former students, philan- on Saturday night. But the ongoing investigations. Both society. Cambridge Building thropists or ethical victim’s condition has improved residents will be dealt with Society, in Bridge Street, investment.” The Liberal and he is recovering in the through our disciplinary proce- was robbed at 1.30pm on Democrats remain the only hospital's neuro-critical ward. dures, although any outcome Monday by a man who told major political party opposed 19 year-old Ali Cham was will be confidential.” cashiers he had a gun. He to top up fees. All three candi- arrested shortly afterwards and The assault draws attention escaped with around £1500. dates yesterday stressed to appeared at the local to the council’s failure to Although nobody was hurt, Varsity their commitment to Magistrates Court on Tuesday. provide adequate lighting on the building society closed changing the way higher He was charged with GBH with Parker’s Piece, despite a lengthy for the rest of the afternoon education is funded. intent and remains in custody CUSU campaign to illuminate as staff were badly shaken The Lib Dem leadership candidates hust at Churchill >>Editorial page 13 until Crown Court trial on the open ground crossed by by the incident. The man February 21. This more serious many students late at night. had been seen loitering in version of GBH may be Vicki Mann, CUSU Welfare the area for several hours David Howarth backs lecturers’ strike threat Success for GEEMA punished by life imprisonment. Officer, told Varsity, “that this before the raid. A suspect Cambridge MP David Howarth announced he will back the Almost 200 Year 12 students Detective Sergeant Jon attack could happen so close to was arrested less than 24 campaign by university lecturers for better pay packages. The from across the country partica- Hutchinson said, “we are now the city police station demon- hours after the crime when Association of University Teachers and NATFHE Union are current- pated in a GEEMA open day trying to establish exactly what strates that student concerns police were called to a sepa- ly fighting to make their employers use some of the funds from last week that aimed to encour- happened prior to this man over our personal safety are rate incident. top-up fees to increase staff pay. Cambridge AUT representative Nick age talented students from arriving at hospital”. He neither unsubstantiated nor Savage predicts industrial action is “very likely” and warned that it under-represented backgrounds appealed for anyone who unjust.” could interfere with the marking of exams and coursework this to apply to Cambridge. might have any information to Anyone with information summer. Former Higher Education Minister Alan Johnson had Although the percentage of come forward. relating to either incident Parkside death promised that when top-up fees were introduced “at least a third” students from ethnic minorities The attack follows the fren- should contact Det. Sgt A 75 year-old man died at would be spent on sorting out staff pay. An Early Day Motion in has doubled since 2001, targets zied stabbing of a Cambridge Hutchinson at Parkside Police a Cambridge swimming support of the higher education unions has been signed by 87 MPs. are still not being met. resident on the doorstep of his Station on 0845 456 4564. pool on Sunday. He is thought to have suffered a heart attack whilst swim- >page 11 ming at Parkside Pools. He Why halal meat is an absolute must was pulled from the water Tess by lifeguards, who Asaker Anwar on why colleges should provide adequate catering for Muslims performed first aid until the arrival of two ambulances. With a growing Muslim to the college bar or attend college. St John’s has taken don't know where or what I Riley Resuscitation attempts population in Cambridge, I many freshers’ events due steps to introduce halaal am going to eat for dinner continued at the poolside believe that halal food needs to the fact that Muslims are food in the college buttery tonight, let alone in two guilty of but were unsuccessful. to be provided. Certainly not allowed to drink alcohol this year. They now provide weeks! Colleges need to colleges such as Trinity, or have it on the same table halal meals three nights a take a better approach in chronic Girton and St John’s must as them. This problem was week and it seems - unlike dealing with this challenge be commended for acknowl- exacerbated as I could not many other colleges - John’s if they want their Muslim colourism edging the needs of their readily access halal food at is taking the initiative and students to be able to Listen Muslim students, but a the college buttery. Instead I making more of an effort to engage in college life. In system needs to be in place had to go to some of the accommodate students’ Britain it is now easier to across the University to halal takeaways on Mill needs. I am very grateful to obtain halal meat at a You can hear avoid undoing the hard Road or bring food back to the college for providing this reasonable price and there Varsity on the work it and its access Cambridge from home. That facility as it has made my should be no excuse for radio, on schemes have done in I could only eat halal meat college life easier. But some colleges not to provide this attracting Muslim and meant that at times I was colleges still seem to think it service. The issue of halal Mondays at minority students. As a excluded from college life is adequate to ask people to food and other special 7pm practising Muslim, I found it and found myself socialising state whether they would dietary provisions needs to difficult to get to know more with people who want to eat halal food in be given a greater prece- CUR 1350 many people at St John’s, shared my own beliefs, their dining hall two weeks dence in the Cambridge because I was unable to go rather than people in my in advance. Personally I student community. our policy

VARSITY IS DEDICATED TO BRINGING YOU The THE MOST RELEVANT AND INTRIGUING NEWS AS AND WHEN IT HAPPENS. Week in THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN OUR CONTENT ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBU- Weather TORS, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF VARSITY FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR PUBLICATIONS LIMITED. 17.02.06 News Varsity 3 Report says many students lack key skills • Embarrassing Varsity-Cherwell spelling test proves Oxbridge not immune

IHE DERRINGER MICHAEL 14, trailing Varsity’s mean mean Cam Ox of 15 out of 20. At the top of Jamie Munk errors errors the literary trees Varsity’s co- & Jo Trigg Queue 4% 2% editors’ 19 and 18 triumphed Weird 19% 19% over Cherwell’s 18 and 13. Yet it remains questionable LAST WEEK the Nuffield Harass 41% 52% whether the 75 per cent aver- Review Higher Education Focus Grammar 5% 8% age is high enough to justify the Groups published their prelimi- praise of one Cambridge admis- nary report examining the Address 4% 6% sions tutor that our outcomes that higher education Liaison 47% 57% undergraduates are at “quite a providers look for from second- rarefied level”. The University ary school pupils coming to Ecstasy 34% 47% declined to participate in the university. Amongst its findings Definite 12% 13% Nuffield Review and declined to it stated many students coming comment both on its and our to university were not suffi- Business 5% 6% findings. ciently equipped with basic Embarrass 49% 59% Graduate employers, though, literacy skills, complaining seem less concerned by spelling “basic writing skills are lacking”. Separate 23% 15% and literacy, than by the social To put the Review’s conclu- Necessary 8% 9% skills graduates gain at univer- sions to the test Varsity and sity. This week an independent Oxford student paper Cherwell Manoeuvre 56% 56% survey conducted by the conducted a thorough survey of Committee 17% 19% Association of Graduate Oxbridge spelling. The Selwyn Recruiters of over 200 top Engineer who scored only four Occurrence 48% 48% private and public sector out of 20 lent weight to the Government 2% 3% employers revealed that despite Review’s criticism that even in increasing graduate numbers, “one highly selective subject Accessible 8% 17% more than half of recruiters within a selecting institution” Professional 11% 15% expected difficulties in meeting literacy was not up to scratch recruitment requirements. was not far off the mark. Idiosyncrasy 77% 73% These businesses look for grad- Varsity’s spelling test consisted Accommodation 35% 45% uates with soft skills in areas of a score of tricky words Classics students push themselves to the limit in the Varsity spelling test at the Sidgwick Buttery such as communication, leader- commonly used, and common- Groups of students sat in sive 19. Helen, an MML fresh- spell very well, it’s a personal said for the St John’s student, ship, teamwork and cultural ly misspelt, in student essays. Of primary school fashion to take er at Tit Hall, was one such thing”. who made himself conspicuous awareness, but 58 per cent the twenty words, participants the test in various scholarly super-speller. “It makes us look But this was four times better by spilling his pint over the anticipated insufficient candi- in the eighty-six-strong survey locations, including the really bad if we don’t know than the abysmal four correct examiner in the middle of his dates with these capabilities. had most difficulty with ‘idio- Sidgwick Buttery, Engineering how to write our own answers achieved by an test. He scored only six. Provided students work on syncrasy’ and ‘manoeuvre’, Department car park, and a language,” she said, “they’re American studying ‘Engeering’ Most importantly, it is now these soft skills they may still be even though we generously plethora of college bars. words we need to know.” Her at Selwyn. The literately-chal- statistically proven that the employable - surely comforting accepted the American ‘maneu- No one managed to ace the MML buddy, who alas only lenged number-cruncher average Tab is a better speller to those students who scored ver’ as well. Needless to say, no test and get a gold star, although made a mediocre 16, argued understandably wished to lie than their Oxon counterpart: under half-marks in the Varsity one opted for this version. five spellers scored an impres- “I’ve always known that I can’t low, which is more than can be Cherwell’s average average of spelling test. Prizes for Cambridge pubs Varsity finally gets new home BEN BEN JONES Andy Heath Joseph Heaven JONES

RIVERSIDE PUB The Granta AFTER 15 years of being has been honoured with an temporarily accommodated on award for its cuisine. Trumpington Street, Varsity, The popular Cambridge Cambridge’s independent and establishment was named oldest student newspaper, is Speciality Food Pub of the moving to a new half-million Year in the Greene King Pub pound premises in the city Company’s regional awards, centre. in part because it caters for From Michaelmas 2006 many different tastes. The Varsity’s HQ will occupy state- Granta’s menu has a selection of the art offices in the Godwin of options for vegetarians and Laboratories on the New vegans. There is also a range Museums Site. The newly of dishes on offer that meet refurbished space, vacated by different religious dietary the Department of Earth requirements. In addition, Science in 1996, will also the new owners have added The Eagle on Bene’t Street, shortlisted for an award house CUSU and its TCS publi- a number of Antipodean cation. Prior to its use as a specialities including runs the pub with her variety of the pub meals. The laboratory, the building had Steinlager,Victoria Bitter and husband Denis. Eslers spend a lot of time cook- been used as a dance hall. The Varsity and CUSU’s new premises on the New Museums Site summer barbecues in the Since assuming the lease two ing and say they are involved at Resource Management pondside garden. years ago, the two New every level of ingredient selec- Committee’s announcement the building, “it couldn’t be first time in years the “The award is brilliant Zealanders have concentrated tion and meal preparation. on Wednesday was the result more central if it tried”. He University has recognised news,” said Kylie Esler, who on improving the quality and “We’re much more food-orien- of over two years’ negotiation described Varsity’s present CUSU, its accommodation BEN tated now,” Mrs Esler added. by all the student associations building as “tired, squalid, needs and the Union its

JONES Their improvements have involved. damp,” adding “[it’s] the members want it to be. The delighted customers. The pub The University had been grimmest I've seen,” but sees new building will enable the is particularly popular with under pressure to find a new the New Museums plan as “a CUSU officers to do their job graduate students, who were home for the student organi- great building”. Chris Adams, to the best of their ability and quick to praise the changes. sations to comply with Varsity’s Business Manager the CUSU members to make “They've really turned the Disability Discrimination Act said, “We’ve been working the most of their Union and place around,” commented a (DDA) legislation. The provi- closely with the University for the services and facilities it diner, “the staff are always sions, which came into force some time now and we’re has to offer.” looking out for the customers in October 2004, require delighted that Varsity will be The departure of the Earth and the food is so much better reasonable steps to tackle moving to this new site which Scientists from the Godwin than it used to be.” physical features of premises will provide a more accessible, laboratories has allowed Other Cambridge pubs that made access unreason- secure and comfortable envi- consolidation of research on shortlisted for awards includ- ably difficult for disabled ronment for our team. paleoclimatology - how the ed favourites The Eagle, The people. “The new location allows Earth’s climate has changed Anchor and The Boathouse. A University spokesman us to enjoy a central position over time - on the Downing The Red Lion in Grantchester confirmed that the grade II within the University whilst Site. Before moving into was also commended for the listed building would be made continuing to maintain our Trumpington Street in 1990, quality of its cooking. DDA-compliant. Rob independent status from our Varsity’s previous homes The awards will be present- Letherby, Space Analyst for own offices”. Laura Walsh, included premises on Round ed in a national ceremony at Cambridge University CUSU President added “it’s Church Street and in the old The Granta on Newnham Road, renowned for its food the end of the month. remarked on the location of absolutely amazing - for the Quayside area. 4 Varsity News 17.02.06

On Campus Anger at station development plans. Two years ago the erties will be one or two undertaken,” admitted Linkline re-opens Climate Change Mitigation Gabriel Byng Council’s Station Area bedroom flats, there will be Chisholm, “but must be done After a brief closure for Research in the University’s Development Framework few children moving into the with a view to what the real refurbishment, Linkline has Land Economy department. advised no more than 650 new area. Locals, nevertheless, still needs are.” re-opened its service for the The new centre, known as MANY CAMBRIDGE residents dwellings to be built. fear schools will struggle to Plans for the scheme can be remainder of this term. The 4CMR, will be at the have expressed serious Additionally the policy of cope. They also worry that, viewed at the Guildhall and confidential listening and cutting edge of internation- concerns at a multi-million keeping Foster’s Mill as the due to its proximity to the comments should be directed information service is run al environmental science. pound property development highest building in the skyline train station, many occupants to Sarah Dyer at Cambridge by trained student volun- Researchers will study ways near the train station. will be ignored, because will be commuters, forcing City Council. There will be a teers for the benefit of to reduce the rate of climate Developers Ashwell start Ashwell intend to erect at least families to live further from Public Meeting about the students. It is open from change through technologi- construction on seven office two 10 storey blocks. the city centre. proposals on February 22 at 7pm-7am every night of cal change. Sir David said blocks, a five-star hotel and 17 Ashwell’s owner Paul “Redevelopment needs to be 6.30 at the Guildhall. full term on 01223 744444 “Climate change is blocks of flats in July. Thwaites defended the plans and 01223 367575. For undoubtedly the biggest Residents’ associations believe saying, “This is a remarkable more information, visit challenge facing us this the new homes will drastically opportunity to design a www.linkline.org.uk. century”. He added that the increase traffic and that nearby dynamic urban environment centre will make an impor- schools will be overwhelmed. and create an entirely new CUSU Mental tant contribution to the “The effects in terms of traf- gateway to Cambridge”. He effort to reduce carbon fic will be horrendous,” added “Cambridge is a big Health Awareness emissions. complained Michael tourist attraction, but visitors Week Chisholm, an Emeritus are currently greeted by a CUSU launched its mental Alek Wek cancels Professor and local resident, shambles.” health awareness week on “[it] will block options for a Although the hotel and Monday. Break the Silence speech at Union serious traffic interchange for tower will be planned by inter- will challenge the stigma On Tuesday evening Cambridge in the long run.” nationally acclaimed architect surrounding mental health Cambridge Union members Green Party Coordinator, Richard Rogers, who designed issue and aims to get were left disappointed Margaret Wright, added “they the Millennium Dome and the people talking about the when international model will overload this part of the Pompidou Centre, local case taboo, as well as raising Alek Wek cancelled her country”. officer Neville Doe said, “they money for charity. Events scheduled speech following Ashwell will spend £820m will have to demonstrate that during the week included a a dispute over expenses. building 1,400 homes across it is the right building for the lunchtime art therapy The conflict occurred when 21.5 acres. The council officers area”. session. There will be an the Sudan-born model acknowledged that this depart- The developers claim that informal discussion on demanded a first-class flight ed substantially from their because most of the new prop- How the completed Ashwell development will look personal aspects of mental as well as accommodation health today at 5pm at and transport from New Caffè Nero on King’s Parade York to The Union. The today. President of The Union Sarah Pobereskin refused Oriental Studies’ name to change her terms on the grounds Government scien- JONES BEN that it would be “unfair” to and Middle Eastern Studies. a very strange degree subject to important that current students tist opens climate use the members’ budget in Subject to final approval from write on my CV”. Another receive a degree in Oriental change centre that way. Press Officer, the University’s General Board, worry was that name ‘Middle Studies. We enrolled on a Sir David King, Chief Seema Yasmin said such the new designation will come Eastern Studies’ did not include course of this title and that is Scientific Adviser to the arrangements would be into effect on October 1. the study of the ancient Middle what we are entitled to government, officiated at “unprecedented...We do This has caused controversy East, known as Near Eastern receive”. She conceded “[the the opening of the not pay such high amounts within the faculty. When the Studies. Anders Bell, a graduate new name] does allow for a Cambridge Centre for for speaker’s expenses.” idea was mooted last term, 87 student, explained his detach- much broader spectrum of per cent of students surveyed in ment from the proposed Asian subjects to fit under it”. the faculty wanted to keep and Middle Eastern Studies, “I The outmoded name does ‘Oriental Studies,’ with only 1 don’t fit into either description not fit with Faculty Chair Dr out of 55 supporting a change. as I’m an Assyriologist”. James Montgomery’s wider Cross Campus Dr James Montgomery Students’ main anxiety was The faculty has tried to vision for the faculty. In light that they would no longer assuage student’s concerns. of a General Board review, he Canterbury easy er they leave their rooms Jamie Munk receive a BA with the well- After consulting student repre- plans further reforms of the following the theft of two established ‘Oriental Studies’ sentatives, they agreed that faculty and its tripos. He said places for locals laptops. The ingenious thief THE FACULTY of Oriental name. Jacob Head, last term's current students should gradu- “we want to study these Canterbury Christ Church used nothing but a few twigs Studies announced on Undergraduate Faculty ate in ‘Oriental Studies’. Faculty subjects in a wider geopolitical University will offer auto- and branches to steal the Wednesday that its name will Representative, told Varsity, Representative Lizzie Payne- unit. Cambridge can become matic places at its laptops from the windows of change to the Faculty of Asian “my main concern was having Janes told Varsity, “we felt it totally cutting-edge.” Broadstairs campus to pupils the halls of residence. One from local schools. Sixth- student returned to only formers who gain a find a few twigs scattered on minimum of two Cs at A- her desk. Both rooms were Girton Ball bickering Gullet cancer progress levels will be offered places on the ground floor. to study for a degree, while Rebecca in Cambridge which is both Laura test will allow more screening those with only one may Patten packs for Greig antisocial and unfair on those Sutcliffe and earlier diagnosis, leading take a diploma course. who’ve purchased tickets”. to improved chances of Courses on offer include India CONFLICT HAS ARISEN over Appleton remains unrepen- DR REBECCA FITZGERALD of successful treatment. business studies, adult nurs- Chris Patten, Chancellor of stringent security measures at tant about the nature of his the Medical Research Council Cases of Barrett’s oesophagus ing and computing. Oxford University, will tour Girton’s upcoming ball on email. He threatened “forget (MRC) Cancer Unit in have increased by over 350 of India next month on a March 11. Varsity received an any sad little ideas about Cambridge has developed a percent in the past 20 years. Are students worth recruitment drive for British anonymous email from a getting in for free - it's not new test to diagnose cancer of MRC Professor Ron Laskey universities. He will meet “pissed-off Girtonian” about gonna happen... when you get the gullet. The method devel- warned that this trend was set it? students in Mumbai, New changes that will be made to caught, we’ll be taking a tidy oped by Fitzgerald and her to continue. Victims are mainly Oxford students Matt Foster Delhi and Bangalore to arrangements prior to this £100 out of your bank team involves swallowing a men in their 60s with a history and Kirill Makharinsky have encourage more Indians to year's ball. Girtonians were account”. foam ball compressed inside a of suffering heartburn. Like created a website to try to attend UK universities, sent an email from James A parody of Appleton’s capsule, which expands once in many modern illnesses it is rival the all-powerful instead of rival American Appleton, Vice-President of email has recently circulated the stomach. It is then retrieved linked to western diet and Facebook empire. Their site, colleges. British universities Girton JCR and responsible for around Girton. It says, “if you painlessly from the throat by lifestyle. www.amiworthit.com, rely heavily on the fees paid ball security, entitled “Read or are found trying to get into the pulling a thin string attach- allows members to access by overseas students, but Risk Having to Fork Out £100”. ball in any way, you will be ment, collecting cells from the wannabe's profiles and many are worried by recent The anonymous student drawn and quartered then fed gullet lining. These can be decide whether or not they declines in the number of described the email as “rude, to the University’s rottweilers”. screened for a condition, are "worth it". After a three- foreign undergraduates they arrogant, insulting, unfeasible Appleton said that the Barrett’s oesophagus, linked to day evaluation applicants are attracting. and surely illegal”. He criticised author of the email was a early signs of the cancer. The are informed if they have Appleton’s plan to check ID for friend of his and claimed he condition is caused by stomach made the grade and can Smelly sewage two days before to the ball. had only received positive acid spilling back up the become full members. Two students at an Imperial Speaking to Varsity, responses about his proposed oesophagus and damaging the Invitations are distributed in College residence were left Appleton presented a different plans for the ball. gullet wall. the street to these deemed in a foul mood last Saturday story. When asked whether he The current method of test- beautiful enough to become when they found their thought such extreme meas- ing is by endoscopy – an members, and it is rumoured rooms submerged in ures would work, he replied “I examination of the inside of the that participants could find untreated sewage water. By see no reason why they throat using a tiny camera on a themselves in demand for the time plumbers arrived, wouldn’t. We have a well flexible rod. As the procedure is modelling work. A number the 1cm covering of sewage policed ball and will ensure difficult and uncomfortable, of Cambridge students have had spread to the hall corri- that everyone who has paid for this form of cancer often already joined. dor. The situation worsened their tickets has a good time.” remains undiagnosed until it is when the pipe burst again Hannah Perkins, Co-President at an advanced stage, when Majorly twigged off on Sunday morning, cover- of the Girton Ball Committee, sufferers experience difficulty The University of Warwick ing the rooms with shower echoed Appleton’s view, argu- in swallowing or burning has warned its students to water and waste from the ing “attempted gatecrashing is sensations in the throat. A cancerous gullet (above) and Fitzgerald’s device lock their windows whenev- nearby toilets. a serious problem at every ball Girton College Doctors hope this simplified 17.02.06 News Varsity 5 Architecture’s “masochistic” work culture is criticised E JONES BEN to work such long hours. Although sleep deprivation Rachel Cooper Studio tutors stress the is not uncommon in importance of sleeping before Cambridge, the architects’ crits and advise that if students work-pattern is unique. THE ARCHITECTURE depart- need to work all night, they do Cousins-Jenvey stressed, “you ment’s relentless work ethic so two nights before their crit. are always re-evaluating your has been criticised as Despite this suggestion many work”. Yaz Suzuki agreed, weekdays “masochistic” following an students find themselves stay- “sometimes you have to do accident in their studios this ing up. Bengt Cousins-Jenvey, things at the last minute, GORDAN CHESTERTON weekend. co-President of ArcSoc admit- because you have to keep DIRECTOR Peterhouse first-year Donna ted, “you can go a few weeks changing ideas and plans. With CAREERS SERVICE Macfadyen sliced her fingernail with about three hours’ sleep”. art, you never stop working”. off with a scalpel whilst work- Professor Marcel Echenique, Professor Echenique suggested ing on a model in the Head of Department, that students who work all department, having only had a commented, “It is a difficult night must learn to “pace couple of hours’ sleep the subject, because it combines themselves better”. previous night. She passed out the academic with the creative. Two years ago, departmental Monday and was taken to Students have to do essays, staff took steps to stop students Began reviewing the Addenbrooke's, but discharged exams and lecture courses but working all night in the facul- employer and student soon after. they also do studio work, ty. Until 2004 the department feedback forms from our Macfadyen admitted she was designing a building plan and was open 24 hours - studios more-than-just-for-profit “really tired”, having stayed bringing all the theory into officially now close at event The Works, which late in the department the practical realisation. There is a midnight, but students may involves companies who night before. She believes double quantity of work and it stay and work if third-year would not normally attend exhaustion caused her to faint is very hard. It's a very student supervisors are present. careers events. This will be a after the accident. Incidents demanding subject, there's no Virginia Bennett, faculty very lengthy task as over such as this in the department An architecture student hard at work in the department. doubt about it”. Administrative Officer said, 1000 students attended. are relatively rare, but highlight Architecture has the highest “we try not to let them work the gruelling work culture. greatest before “crits”, two or Third-year Olly Wainwright ratio of applicants to places in all night” and added that the Although some students three times a term, when said, “Architecture is the only the University. Prof. Echenique Health and Safety Division Tuesday suggest there are only “pockets students must present their course in Cambridge where said, “it's difficult to get in and frowned upon all night After analysing the effects of of competitiveness”, others work to their peers, tutors and you're assessed in a peer once you do, you work very working. She stressed, “I last week’s Media Event, claim their department is external adjudicators. context”. Pressure to excel in hard. It is difficult to achieve think we have a strong safety which brought nearly 100 “incredibly competitive”. Macfadyen had been working front of contemporaries and excellence across the board - it culture and students do take filmmakers, producers and Pressure on architects is at its for a crit when she cut herself. tutors allegedly drives students takes a huge amount of effort”. it seriously”. journalists together, I had to start to planning next week’s Cam Connect event, which will promote local employers. We pride ourselves on Muslim students call for halal meat providing employment MICHAEL opportunities in areas other at the provision of halal meat when booked two weeks in the need for all faiths to be than just the big city firms; it’s Rebecca Greig to their students.” advance. Several students taken into consideration, one of the things that makes At Caius halal meat must DERRINGER raised the impracticality of “The situation for students us different from the big be requested in advance. As a this measure but Meera with other dietary restrictions commercial agencies. THE PROVISION of food result of negotiations by Chadha emphasised the also needs to be tackled - meeting special dietary Trinity’s Islamic Cultural soci- importance of being accom- especially those which tend requirements for students of ety the college offers halal modating on both sides. “The to be more readily ignored, Wednesday different religions was called food once a week. St John’s variety of dietary require- such as vegetarian and vegan Away from Cambridge for into question at Monday’s tries to accommodate Muslim ments makes it very difficult practices among Hindus and the day for a meeting with Black Students’ Campaign students by serving halal to satisfy everybody’s needs. Jains.” my counterparts at Oxford, meeting. three nights a week and will Students need to be reason- The Black Students’ before heading back to see a Since Wolfson College’s soon introduce halal food in able too and appreciate that Committee promised to team at the East of England decision two weeks ago to its buttery. part of university and living investigate discrepancies Universities Careers Service serve only halal chicken in But not all colleges are away from home is making between colleges and to plan about GradsEast - a their kitchen, Muslim willing or able to provide this concessions.” practical measures and finan- collaborative, free vacancy students across the University level of service, with the oft- But Zen Jelenje, CUSU cial recommendations that scheme for local employers. have asked why similar cited reasons of cost and Access Officer, stated that can be given to colleges as Directors at other careers provision has not been made insufficient demand. This colleges should make the guidance. services often tease me about at their colleges when caused strong criticism from same allowances for those what an easy job I have Gardies restaurant is able to students at the meeting. Students’ favourite Gardies, following religious diets as for Halal Food helping very able, highly- serve halal meat in its meals. Umar Ahmad argued, “halal which serves halal meat those with food allergies. He employable students secure At the moment the meat is not much more noted, “Colleges are adver- Islam has very strict guide- employment and so many University gives no guidance expensive than other meat Kitchen Fixed Charge (KFC) tised as ‘support systems lines about what Muslims employers queuing up to on special diets, so choice and so cost shouldn’t be a for students who feel their ensuring students are looked can and cannot eat. recruit them. varies at every college. A huge barrier. Halal meat can dietary requirements are not after personally’, if this is true Certain foods are prohibit- spokesperson said, “individ- be eaten by non-Muslims too, being met. Despite requests then colleges should endeav- ual colleges have their own so demand shouldn’t be a for halal food at Trinity Hall, our to meet the nutritional ed, such as pork and the Thursday policies on the provision of problem.” the college does not feel there requirements of each student flesh of animals which have Back at Stuart House dealing halal meat. The Senior Robinson cannot provide is sufficient demand. as far as possible.” died without being ritually with the preparations for a Tutors’ Committee has for the few Muslims it has, At Queens’, halal food is Shreyas Mukund, Black slaughtered and fully bled. talk I will give to a encouraged colleges to look but offers a reduction in the available for Formal Hall only Students’ Officer, emphasised symposium of 80 employers in Cambridge next week. I had to spend much of my tating shockwave resulting prominent Cambridge ing, smoke-filled corridors. firebinge. lunch break dealing with from our salaciously salient college. Again, we cannot One fireman even remarked He created a sequence of enquiries from the press, story. reveal monikers. But suffice to a sordid, ravishing blonde gauche mini-fires, including before spending the Unlike the no-confidence- to say she has intimate with a penchant for gossip: the classic loo-roll blaze, the afternoon finishing the motion-bringing dissatisfied knowledge of this nocturnal “Ey up - it’s like fookin’ redoubtable tennis-ball-Lynx review of the response forms element within CUSU itself, fellow’s sett. Dante in there,” soliciting combo (his possession of from The Works. our own ecumenical bean- some concern over crowding said “fragrance” provides spilling has resulted in a College fire alarms are well- of the job market with grad- enough of a searing indict- much-needed resignation. known for their frequent uates. ment of his maturity), and Friday The female with an and invasive drills, apparent- What we can divulge, the somewhat misjudged Thankfully a slightly easier unhealthy disdain for due ly existing solely to allow sensationally, is that this toxic-sofa-stuffing-and-Zippo day and much of it spent process (our Episcopal more prurient members of conflagration was actually debacle. Disciplinary action with more routine admin discretion remains inviolate, college to work out who’s the unfortunate result of an is pending on this adolescent tasks in Stuart House. I’m Scurrilous sermons dear readers) has been sleeping with whom. anxiety attack on the part of fire-starter and inept ivory- very lucky to have a strong delivered warm forced to resign from the However, King’s College was a wanky band member. A tinkler. All that we advise team who can take care of from the pulpit elections committee of our recently rocked to its foun- source in the Kambar from the pulpit is that he the running of things whilst beleaguered student union. dations, discovering a real furtively informed us that pops a couple of precaution- I’m away. At the end of the Following last week’s shock- Not only this - we can fire in an aberrantly-listed the hapless keyboardist had ary Xanax next time he is afternoon we all find time to ing revelation concerning further disclose, courtesy of monetarist-named accommo- an attack of nerves prior to forced to face the terrifying- raise a glass of champagne to mindless mingers disrespect- a flamboyant, Oaten-esque dation block. Students were his intended appearance at a ly sophisticated, musically celebrate the centenary of the ing democracy via the source, that our lascivious hurried outside whilst fire- flaccid indie night, which knowledgeable and hyper- launch of HMS Dreadnought medium of sex, we can anti-heroine has been carry- men donned breathing manifested itself in a pyro- critical gaze of the - a strong nautical interest exclusively reveal the devas- ing on with the master of a apparatus to enter the flam- maniac, 13 year-old-style Cambridge indie scene. runs through my veins. 6 Varsity Features 17.02.06

Carbon versus convenience; air pollution versus air travel he whole set-up feels frisky little electric blue probably working out how must significantly reduce avia- pretty classy. Like some- seven-seater Piper Chieftan, much we’re each going to weigh tion growth to have any chance Tthing from back in the day. waiting to embark on its daily the plane down. Then he cheer- of achieving its self-imposed The golden days of aerodromes ily whips the ladder down, and target of reducing carbon emis- and zeppelins and Jackie we squeeze ourselves into the sions by 60% by 2050. Kennedy and James Bond. beige, leather-clad interior. There is a growing number of What isn’t so stylish is the one The pilot crouches in the aisle, people who have given up hour delay. There’s fog on the pointing out the (one) emer- flying. CUSU officers are not ground at Oxford Airport, and gency exit. The door. permitted to take flights for busi- our departure is postponed “ The plane takes off smoothly, ness purposes. However the while they find a fogless place in WE SWAGGER and with panache. Outside, the aircraft currently operated by which to land. clouds brush the top of the shiny Sky Commuter are not high on We can’t amuse ourselves in OVER TO THE shiny plane, leaving us to enjoy the scale of rate of fuel burn. the Duty Free, because there is and then get slightly fed up with The seven-seater plane burns no Duty Free. And Duty Free is PLANE IN the miles of fields below. We feel half the amount of fuel of eight never amusing. What is amus- like we’re jet-setters. We feel like cars making the same journey. ing is Cambridge Airport. SLOW we’ve arrived. 25 minutes later, So it may be that the need for Because it’s not really an airport we have arrived. quick transport between these - more of a Portakabin. In fact, MOTION, AS IF Our return flight at 5pm is two academic centres balances it is a Portakabin. But it does even more lavish. We are the or outweighs any environmen- have a free hot drinks machine WE DO THIS only passengers on what is, tal effects. and a selection of aviation maga- effectively, our own private jet. And in any case, it only takes zines. EVERY DAY Almost certainly, depressingly, a 25 minutes. Once we get the go-ahead once in a lifetime experience. to go, we hit the tarmac, and It may seem like an irrespon- the magic happens. The strong sible luxury to fly to Oxford and breeze blows the deliciously back as the effects of carbon WIN! Nick Rowley, CEO of Sky Commuter, the dizzying kerosene fumes into pollution on our environment Two return tickets to our eager faces, and we swag- become increasingly severe. Oxford. By air! Just send chartered airline company now running twice- ger over to the plane in slow ”9am hop to Oxford. According to ‘Decarbonising the us your doodles. For motion, as if we do this every The pilot doodles some special UK’, by the Tyndall Climate details see page 24 and daily flights between Oxford and Cambridge day. Ahead is Sky Commuter’s calculations on a piece of paper, Centre, the UK government www.varsity.co.uk

How is your new airline bad weather. We can land at going? the RAF base airport in Brize Our first flight was only on Norton instead. The trouble is The fliers February 1 but so far it’s going that the Ministry of Defence is well. It’s taken a couple of very slow when it comes to years’ preparation to get to this giving us permission. I hope stage but the plan is to have a they’re a bit more on the ball regional airline which taps into when it comes to war. the niche of point-to-point How do you see the airline There’s a lot of jobs, but only one Sentec… commuter services. We use expanding? general aviation airfields and Other routes we are consider- aircraft. People can pull up in ing include to Manchester, a car straight to the aircraft. Edinburgh and the Channel Graduate/Postgraduate There is no hassle or fuss Islands. The infrastructure in getting on the plane. this country is all designed to Engineers Pippy, eight, and Zoe, six, Compared to a two hour go between the North and are going to spend a few check-in at Heathrow, it’s South. So we can cater for days with their grandparents pretty good. East-West routes. in Oxford. This is their first How is your first route Did you hear about the 18 Sentec, the solutions company, creates revolutionary time flying. going? year-old who tried this Oxford-Cambridge is a niche before? technologies for industry. People who join us want a service. It’s hard to determine My company actually provided how many people it will cater him with aircraft and technol- challenge: they want to innovate, invent and make a for, but our research says ogy. But he fell out with real difference. If you love intellectual challenges and approximately 200 people a people in the airports at each day do this journey by rail, end and never got anything off want freedom to develop your technical and business which takes two hours or car, the ground. The airports then which takes three hours. In approached me to try to skills, you'll find the rewards of working with Sentec our second week of operations salvage the venture. go far beyond our competitive benefits package. the demand for this airline Does your airline add unnec- route is four times what we essary pollution to the expected. atmosphere? Rebecca, a PPE student at What sort of people are This route has got existing We want people with a passion for technology, first New College, Oxford, has using this airline? traffic that is mostly corporate. class understanding of fundamental science principles spent the day in Cambridge We see some people using the They do not travel by rail, as it at her grandmother’s funeral. airline regularly, a couple of is constantly late. There is no and with an outstanding academic background “My grandmother’s dying times a week. Often these are such thing as car sharing, as wish was for me to travel people who have aspects of much as people talk about it, (minimum 2:1 in engineering). Practical experience back in style.” their work in both cities, e.g. so by flying one light aircraft in a laboratory/workshop and a desire to turn research labs in Oxford and IT we are taking eight cars off the departments in Cambridge. road. Eight cars burns 150 thought experiments into working prototypes is 60% of our customers are litres of petrol for this journey, using the airline for corporate whereas one flight carrying all essential. reasons. Then we have anom- eight passengers burns 50 to alous customers, such as an 80 60 litres. If you look at average year-old lady who wanted to passenger loads, we are burn- For more information on our available jobs, please attend a funeral in Cambridge, ing 75,000 less litres of fuel. but would have been unable What do you do if you need come to our stand at CamConnect on the 22nd to go by train. the toilet on the plane? February, or see our website: What is the effect of the There is in fact a toilet on the weather on the service? aircraft. The two back seats Gillian (right), was visiting It affects us more than large have a curtain in front of WWW.SENTEC.CO.UK her friend in Cambridge for aircraft. The main problem is them. One of the back seats the weekend. “Last time I that Kidlington airport, Oxford lifts up and doubles up as a W drove to her dinner party, doesn’t have an Instrument toilet. But it is only a 25 min

Make your next move a challenge and turned up three hours Landing Computerised System flight, so hopefully people can > late.” which guides down aircraft in last the journey. 17.02.06 Features Varsity 7 Varsity blagged a free return flight to Oxford. This meant that RUBIKA BALENDRA, HANNAH FLETCHER and TOM KINGSLEY had to spend a day in Oxford. They thought it would be rubbish. But actually it was quite nice. Beautiful. Come fly with me! Terminal One. CAMBRIDGE STASH:0 joy riding in market square:0Scared. Smug. OXFORD STASH:0 the oxford story:100 They have these buses too! But ours are probably better.

A smelly waxwork having an essay crisis. Scared. You sit on an electric desk that trundles This is Toms Suddenly we remembered where we were. through smelly waxworks of famous Oxonions. third time. We were in Oxford. Oxford, England. cambridge cranes:1 jims fudge kitchen:1 oxford bulldozers:0 Youre from Cambridge? cambridge Oh Bless... market:0 Jims fudgebens has a cookies:0certain random intrinsic humour. oxfordcovered! market:1

We couldnt see any We saw an Oxford books. Except this one. Scared. student outside an Ours is fine but cambridge uL:0 Oxford college. it doesnt have a oxford bodleian:1 medieval butcher... Who ate all the cakes? or a roof. FebruarySee Varsity, 3. Home sweet home. Tomthe way. kept getting in cambridge union:0 cambridge varsity:100 oxford union:1 oxford cherwell:1 We bumped into Toms twin. Tom didnt like the look of him.

Tom was a little bit Hannah waited until flustered by Tom fell asleep, Cherwells then shoved her The first gathering of the Varsity- fawning over camera in his face. Cherwelloffice sucks. Friendship Society. Their Varsity. We made lots of friends. 8 Varsity Features 17.02.06

Sam Blatherwick asks How are you, Caffè Nero fabric? SEEN Wednesday f: Tense - a caged tiger! in the press anyway. In the ‘heyday’ of the dance press SB: fabric has one of the best there was a hell of a lot of bril- Illustration Abi Millar reputations in the country. liant musicians and DJs who How do you maintain it? never got covered (and God Words Joe Thomas 6.30pm help you if you weren’t British, f: By sticking to a very simple American or Sven Vath). plan and not getting involved in The electronic music scene anything we can’t do ourselves, has never been better or or shouldn’t be doing in the first stronger. If the publishers, exec- place. Hopefully people respect utives and promoters who that and aren’t confused by chased money from it have had what fabric is or wants to be. second thoughts then good, We’re happy to have great that’s a positive thing. How jour- parties each weekend and bring nalists can see the likes of DJs to a wider audience on our Radiohead and Bjork, or Jamie record label. That’s more than Lidell, Coco Rosie and Akufen, enough work. and not declare electronica healthy is mystifying. SB: You have a track record of attracting the best DJs in the SB: Do you take credit for world to the nightclub - do bringing M.I.A. and Diplo you approach DJs or do they together? approach you? f: Yeah, why not. John and Yoko f: Both, but it’s far more likely a too, that was us. Des and Mel? booking will follow one of our Preston and Chantelle? own enquiries. SB: What music do you listen SB: How has the nightclub to in your spare time? scene changed since you got f: A huge range of stuff. involved? Depeche Mode, Magnet, Boards f: It hasn’t. People are still going of Canada, The Charlatans and out to clubs, big and small, at Pink Floyd do it for me consis- night. That’s been the situation tently. for decades. Musically there have been many changes, but SB: Are you still excited by the social infrastructure is the new music? same as it ever was. f: As a company, yes, absolutely. We used to be excited to the SB: Have new licensing laws point of annoyance but we’ve affected the time that people chilled out a bit now. We don’t arrive at a club? If not, do you try and force feed people who feel fabric is immune from don’t like our stuff anymore. these influences? We’re just quietly satisfied know- f: No, not at all. Nothing has ing we’re right and they’re changed as regards when wrong. people arrive or how much they drink. We’re not immune from SB: What will fabric be danc- changes in this respect and it ing to in 2006? could well be that the later See the listings for the answer opening of bars affects us this to that one! summer. We’ll get back to you on that.

SB: What advice would you www.fabriclondon.com have for ambitious student DJs and promoters? f: Do it yourself. Don’t bother fabric opened in 1999 in a Victorian meat cellar in sending in mixtapes to fabric Clerkenwell, London and unless you’ve done a night of has built itself a reputation your own. Not that we don’t as one of the best night- want to support you, we do, but clubs in the country. Along the best way of getting noticed with attracting the best DJs is to have a cracking little night and artists in the world, the of your own. That’s the point – club releases an outstanding do something fun for the people series of CDs entitled fabric you like, the ones you’ll take on and fabriclive, showcasing the private jet when you finally the talents of the regular get a massive booking in some DJs they host. fabric is a glitzy Ibiza hellhole. huge club with three storeys and a capacity of 2500. It is SB: Which is the biggest-sell- licensed 24 hours and has ing fabric/fabriclive cd? Which ‘bass loaded body sonic is your favourite? dancefloors’: they vibrate. f: The biggest sellers are proba- Thanks to Cameron Leslie bly James Lavelle, DJ Hype, (Managing Director), and John Digweed. If you were to Nick Doherty (Head of guess at who sells most from Press) for answers. the people we’ve worked with I reckon you’d be right more than wrong. My favourites will always be ‘fabriclive 07: John Peel’ and ‘fabric 13: Michael Mayer’.

SB: Over the past few years the national media has been gagging to proclaim the death of 'dance music'. How do you view this? Do you think fabric is affected by talk like this? f: Yes, fabric is affected. The effect is indirect but substantial. The ‘death of dance’ was nonsense. If a magazine fails it’s because people don’t want to read it - that’s a problem of jour- nalism as much as subject matter. The dance music fabric supports very rarely got featured 17.02.06 Features Varsity 9 ANHFLETCHER HANNAH “VARSITY? ARSE-ITY.”

JON SWAINE asks GEORGE GALLOWAY a straight question and receives a straight escort out of his dressing room

etter out than in, eh?!” Subcommittee that Galloway received under Margaret Thatcher. The “hear, you moving me towards the door. “B Community Radio’s corre- illegal oil payments – which he denies, hear” he receives for this later is owe “Whoever you are – you didn’t even spondent laughs at her own and rendering him guilty of perjury if amongst the few that don’t send my more say who you were, or where you were belch backstage at the Arts Theatre. In true – enough to rattle their friendship? head into my hands. Apologies to to your from.” “I introduced myself when I roving reporter’s Puffa and It is not without some frustration, “Israel and the United States are exact- constituents?” came in,” I correct him. “Cambridge Timberlands, she alternates between then, that I greet CR’s tepid opening ly the same thing”; you didn’t quite He is incensed. “Just you leave my Varsity,” says his assistant. “Cambridge untangling herself from her mic cable gambit. “You’ve had an awful lot of make it in. constituents to me. My constituents are Arse-ity” is his reply. and telling everyone how excited she publicity recently,” she says, “but I feel Many, too, share his concerns that nothing to do with you. Outside, I’m quizzed on why my is. “It’s him!” she’s about to meet. people still don’t know what you “public utilities and services should be “I usually think it’s more valuable to questions were “so aggressive”. Minor With her is Tom Woodcock, Respect stand for, or what your political views handed over to people whose purpose be appearing at a theatre show like panic spreads amongst Arts Theatre candidate for Cambridge at the last are – what could you say about that?” is profit,” a fear provoked by Tony this, speaking to hundreds of people,” staff. The photographer and I hurry into general election. The nature of their I sigh. “We stand for peace,” says Blair’s relentless selling-off even of he goes on, “than sitting in the House the auditorium to take our seats. After relationship is unclear. They appear to Galloway. Indeed, his vocal anti-Iraq individual schools and their curricula. of Commons.” At £15 a ticket plus some beckoning and whispering, an disagree over the extent to which war stance has been consistent, and is Yet it is the more recent combina- booking fee, I’m not arguing. usher is sent to stand next to us, and a Woodcock can be seen to partake in responsible for much of his renown. But tion of earnest socialism with such I don’t ask for it, but he gives me senior official takes a seat behind. her coverage. “We’ve learnt from New not so publicised was his eulogy last July unsavoury elements that leave a bitter “a bit of fatherly advice – don’t bet The first half of Galloway’s show Labour: spun interviews,” he chuck- to those “poor Iraqis - ragged people” taste to analyses of Galloway’s clan. against us winning the (local) elections features some impressive rhetoric. But les, adding a nervous “…Not” upon using the most “basic of weapons” to in Tower Hamlets” in May. I am yet to on Iraq he is predictable and selective. noticing my bemusement. “write the names of their towns in the raise my voice, but he is “a little And his eloquent leftist critiques of “I’m off to rally the troops,” he says. stars” – “martyrs,” to be precise, making confused as to why I’m so angry” modern Britain, spanning asylum to “Will there be lots of Respect members “the country ungovernable.” He about his possible neglect of duty. I habeas corpus to ID cards, are spoiled here tonight?” I ask. I wonder whether defended his comments, denying that “ want to explain that all British taxpay- by attempts at cheap laughs. Watching to expect the plants whose presence has they put British troops at risk. WHY DON’T ers, not just those in Bethnal Green a man divorced on grounds of infideli- been reported on this tour – presumably “Justice, equality” he continues. Like and Bow, pay for a big pot from which ty (which he denied) receive mass to flesh out undersold theatres, or dilute for homosexuals? This might sound YOU JUST his wages are drawn, but decide applause for quipping David Blunkett potentially awkward questions, or both. convincing were it not for the equivo- against it. He probably knows. resigned “to spend more time with Mumbling something about cation of party grandees, regularly LEAVE? I had thought I was clear on other people’s families” is unsettling. expecting lots of students to show compromising LBGT campaigning Galloway’s views on the controversy He even says “you only know Blair’s support, Woodcock is gone. done at grassroots. Leading figure WHOEVER over the publication of cartoons lying when his lips move.” The audi- We are eventually led into the grey- Lindsey German accused OutRAGE!’s satirising Muhammed. He condemns ence - two-thirds full and notably light ish bowels of the building. “Okay folks Peter Tatchell of having a “colonial YOU ARE as “grossly irresponsible” their publi- on student presence - is in hysterics. - he’s all wound up,” we’re told, as if to mentality” for condemning the slaugh- cation in Denmark, “one of the most The second half consists of audience prepare for an agitated prize-fighter, ter of gays in Jamaica. In November, racist countries in Europe, without a questions; I still have a long list. But twitching on the eve of a title bout. she attacked as “having a hidden single purpose-built mosque,” criticis- the house lights have been turned on, Instead, in a room whose emptiness agenda” a motion brought to Respect’s ing the British press for being “full-on revealing all to the stage. Despite my is compromised only by a foil tray of annual conference attempting official in their denunciation of the Muslims” arm being elevated for most of the 45 soggy ham sandwiches, we are greeted censure of the dumping of gay rights ”“Was he [Saddam] hated by the and “negative coverage”. minutes, Galloway has clearly decided by a leathery, stage-made-up George from the party’s election manifesto. ordinary people?” actress Rula Lenska But as he continues, he is confusing. he will not be answering anything Galloway. Illuminated pantomime- They seem hamstrung by the party’s asked Galloway in the Big Brother “There’s no such thing as freedom of more thorny than “which was more villain-like by bright, bulb-lined reliance on homophobic donors. Dr house on January 10th. “Not at all; not speech,” he says - “all freedom of speech intimidating – speaking before the US theatrical mirrors, it is suddenly all too Mohammed Naseem, their largest at all” he replied, “as is obvious now. is curtailed. I am, for example, curtailed Senate, or us tonight?” clear that despite comparisons of his donor and provider of 50 percent of He was hated by political opponents, from saying what I think of this gentle- There is only one arm up other than combative political style to his sporting their funds declared to the Electoral as he suppressed all opposition,” he man (he points at me) by the laws of mine. I recognise the voice of the youth, he never did make it as a boxer. Commission, is Home Affairs continued, “but he wasn’t hated by libel.” Since he is quite free to dissemi- woman selected in my stead. “I’ve got Both having been promised individ- spokesman for the Islamic Party of the ordinary Iraqi - no, not at all,” he nate truth without fear of retribution, I an 18 year-old daughter,” she says. ual slots, holding Galloway’s attention Britain. His party advocates the death concluded, shaking his head. can only assume it is the wish of George “She doesn’t look old enough,” quips is quickly established as a battle penalty for homosexuality.Yet, as Permitted to speak, I press him on Galloway MP to spread lies about me. Galloway instinctively. “And worry between Varsity and CR. And with good Galloway continues tonight, Respect this. “I thought we’d give you the “And if he were black,” he continues, about the future that she’s got to look reason. Despite the depths to which his profess to be “against bigotry”. opportunity to set any controversy “I’d be curtailed from making a racist forward to.” It’s Community Radio. reputation seems to have dwindled, As he embellishes their cause – ”a straight,” I say. “You told Rula Lenska attack on him.” I am surprised. “Would That’s her question. appearing as both a leotard-clad balle- belief that some things are too impor- that Saddam Hussein was not hated you want to?” I ask. He ignores me. “If Galloway is delighted. “We went over rina and giant cat on Celebrity Big tant to be left to the profit sector,” and by ordinary Iraqis. I wonder whether he were Jewish, I’d be curtailed from a cliff with George Bush,” he says. “The Brother, there still remain serious ques- “bringing people together, irrespective you could elaborate on that, and tell making an anti-semitic attack on him.” only thing we can do is what I’ll be tions he continues somehow to elude. of wherever they came from, whatev- us which Iraqis he was hated by.” Somewhat dazed, it takes a final stab doing in March – if the war on Iran Like recently published details of his er their colour and however they “Actually,I didn’t say that,” he lies. at defining banality by Community hasn’t started – marching on the great meeting with Uday Hussein in 1999. pray,” it seems unsurprising that, as “Your premise is false. I gave a long Radio to bring me back into conscious- anti-war demonstration.” In front of Shaking the mass-murderer by the Galloway keenly advertises, Respect and discursive description.” Happy he ness. “It’s nearly Valentine’s Day,” she me, wide-eyed, 29 year-old Jaime hand, Galloway is recorded reassuring are “the fastest growing political has been clear on “the good things coos. “We’re doing a program about Grogan excitedly whispers “we should his “Excellency” that “I’d like you to organisation in Britain.” Undoubtedly that Saddam did, and the bad things,” love. Could you say a few words about go!” to her mother. Such collective know we are with you ‘til the end.” there are, as Galloway describes during which “greatly outweighed the good love for me?” “Aah, love,” sighs exhilaration at the thought of a brand Who did he mean by “we”? Who did his show, a great number of people things,” he says he has “no need to set Galloway. “‘My love is like a red, red new war to oppose is quite a sight. he mean by “you”? And what “end” did who feel forgotten by New Labour. any records straight.” I disagree. rose, newly sprung in June.’ That’s Afterwards, amongst audience he have in mind? He hasn’t said. As Galloway repeats (albeit melodra- He boasts of this being his 23rd tour Robert Burns, my dear.” Speechless members who have become exit door And what of relations between matically: there is not nearly so much date. But, “a lot has been made,” I with nausea, I am powerless to halt her. leafleters, I ask Tom Woodcock how it Galloway and Saddam Hussein’s former absolute poverty today), “the gap remind him, “of your weak voting “We’re doing a poem as well,” she says, reflected upon Cambridge Respect that deputy - “very civilised and sophisticat- between rich and poor is wider than it record in parliament. You have the “and we want people to fill in the end. their leader appeared deliberately to ed man,” Tariq Aziz? His complicity in was when Charles Dickens was chron- twelfth-weakest, behind Tony Blair, So if I say ‘Love is…’, you fill in. ‘Love refuse to answer questions from a the gassing of up to 7,000 Kurds at icling Victorian England.” It would who’s obviously got quite a lot to do, is’?”. “Love is love,” comes the inspired student of the city. “I don’t know,” he Halabja in 1988 and murder of political indeed seem “irrational,” then, that a five Sinn Féin members (who abstain reply. “Cool,” she concludes. replies, refusing to catch my glance, rivals wasn’t enough to stop Galloway Labour prime minister should boast to from taking their seats), the speaker and “Isn’t this quite an insult to...” I and continuing to hand out stickers. petitioning with holocaust deniers for the bosses of Goldman Sachs that deputy speakers (ineligible to vote) and start. Before I can continue, Galloway “You’ll have to ask him yourself.” his release from jail. But was Aziz’ under his watch, they continue to pay two MPs who have actually died delivers a firm, backhanded rap to my A task, it would seem, more easily apparent statement to a US Senate a lower proportion of income tax than during this parliament. Don’t you think leg. “Why don’t you just leave?” he says, said than done. 10 Varsity Features 17.02.06 MY KINGSLEY TOM BY MARLAND/ILLUSTRATION JAMIE BY PHOTO BLOODY VALENTINE

Lost love, self-sacrifice, heartbreak and rose trampling: JESS HOLLAND celebrates a very different kind of Valentine’s Day at St. Edward’s King and Martyr - Cambridge’s very own GOTH EUCHARIST ’m the most cheerful and combines religious worship encouraged to tread on and The sermon is given by trainee as well as a shared sense of can provide a service for people person I know,” Lucy, a with a goth aesthetic. Gothic destroy them while receiving vicar Linda Ducker, and exam- integrity. “Christianity is meant who might not otherwise feel “I corseted, platform-booted dress is encouraged, the liturgy Mass. Contemporary music ines the self sacrifice exhibited to be about a real honesty they were welcome at church, goth from Homerton, tells me. is re-worded to deal with ‘the (Depeche Mode, Joy Division, by characters in The Matrix, before God,” he says, “and in then I believe it is a service to Her leather-trousered, chain- darker things in life’ and Jeff Buckley) blares out of a before turning to the topic of the goth community there’s our saviour.” wearing boyfriend, Thomas, incense smoulders in the eerie little hi-fi, wonderfully ‘the other’ chosen one who also a sort of honesty about And it’s not just Christianity nods in agreement. “That candlelight. Ramshaw presides anachronistic next to a huge gave up his life for a promised facing up to life’s problems and that’s gaining new recruits. whole gloomy thing is so put over the service wearing a flickering cross made up of red land. She tells us that, while not making light of them.” Richard, a student at Clare on.” She thinks about it and black cloak usually reserved for glowing candles that gives the researching the topic of a But some of the more ortho- College, is a Christian who has concedes, “there is angst...but requiems and invites us all to austere architecture of St ‘Gothic Valentine’, she found a dox parishioners of St Edward’s been coming to conventional it’s well-meaning angst.” We’re join him at the Kambar’s goth Edward’s King and Martyr cartoon that seemed to sum up might find it hard to make the services at St Edward’s King at Goth Eucharist, an idiosyn- night, ‘The Calling’, after the Church the air of an how heartbreak and loss can connection. I find Geoffrey and Martyr for over a year, cratic Christian service in a little service. Evanescence video. feel. It had the caption “Please Barnes, the deputy church and has just worked up the church just off King’s Parade. It It’s Valentine’s Day and the Ramshaw’s modified liturgy rip out my heart and destroy warden, sitting at the back of courage to try out the Goth was set up a year ago by service is dedicated to ‘lost love, trades heavily on metaphors of it”. the church. He has come to Eucharist. When asked if he Theology fellow Marcus self sacrifice and heartbreak’. light and darkness, and asks It’s after the service that I talk check up on the Goth considers himself a goth, he Ramshaw for members of Red carnations are strewn over Jesus to assuage the grief that to Thomas and Lucy. Both Eucharist, and report back on laughs. “I didn’t, but I’m Cambridge’s goth community the inner sanctum, and we’re is like “a raping of the soul”. University students, Lucy is a what goes on. But he is over- beginning to wonder now. I Christian who has always gone think I might be finding an to church regularly and now inner goth somewhere.” He feels that she’s found a service tells me that he doesn’t go in that “really connects with for the black-clad look, but people, that’s more than just likes the philosophy. “I like the going through the motions”. idea of walking over the flow- For Thomas, on the other ers, trampling over lost love. I hand, who describes himself as wasn’t brave enough to walk a pantheist. over the flowers though, I ask Rev. Ramshaw how he because I didn’t want to spoil feels about people coming to them.” his Eucharist who perhaps The flowers were Ramshaw’s aren’t as interested in the the idea, although he has now set message as in the medium. He up a committee on the blogging tells me, “Half the people who website LiveJournal, which come here wouldn’t ordinarily “ help choose music and themes THE SERMONS touch the church with a barge for the Eucharist. Marcus tells pole. But there aren’t any COVER THINGS me that Cambridge is becoming FRIDAY 17 FEBRUARY 7.30PM TUESDAY 25 APRIL 7.30PM wrong reasons for coming. This LIKE increasingly well known for the EUROPEAN UNION ROYAL PHILHARMONIC is not an attempt to be a strength and friendliness of its missionary service, it’s just DEPRESSION, goth community, even if it’s CHAMBER ORCHESTRA ORCHESTRA trying to reach people where only made up of about a CONDUCTOR CONDUCTOR DESPAIR OR

they are at and provide pastoral hundred people. “The Calling is GERNOT SUSSMUTH MARK STEPHENSON SOLOIST SOLOIST support. Quite often the SUICIDE. ALL the friendliest nightclub you’ll

DAVID PYATT Horn CHLOE HANSLIP Violin sermons will cover something WE’RE TRYING go to,” he says. “It’s a place like depression or despair or where people will just come up Mozart Symphony No 40 in G minor, Mozart Overture: The Magic Flute Mozart Symphony No 40 in G minor, Mozart Overture: The Magic Flute suicide or low self esteem. All TO DO IS GIVE and make friends with you. It K550, Rondo for Horn, K371, Horn Mendelssohn “ K550, Rondo for Horn, K371, Horn we’re trying to do is give a does tend to be older people, Concerto No 4 in E Flat, K495. Concerto for Violin in E minor sense of hope.” HOPE though. I think that if you’re a Schubert Symphony No 5 in B flat Dvorak Symphony No 8 in G Ramshaw doesn’t see any first year undergraduate you WEDNESDAY 15 MARCH 7.30PM WEDNESDAY 10 MAY 7.30PM tension between gothdom and might find it a bit harder.” spirituality, insisting that “most Both the Goth Eucharist RUSSIAN STATE BUDAPEST SYMPHONY goths I know are spiritual if not and the Cambridge University PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA OF religious. But goth music and GothSoc have only started up ORCHESTRA HUNGARIAN RADIO the goth outlook is something in the last year, and with the CONDUCTOR CONDUCTOR that the church has either considerable press coverage of VALERY POLIANSKY TAMAS VASARY forgotten or misunderstood, Ramshaw’s service (he’s been SOLOIST SOLOIST viewed very negatively as a fielding interview requests TATYANA POLIANSKYA Piano NINA KOTOVA Cello SPECIAL bunch of Satanists and wiccans from CNN, Sky, Channel 4, Prokofiev Mozart Overture: Don Giovanni STUDENT and stuff like that.” Despite his the Guardian, Rolling Stone Symphony No 1 in D, ‘Classical’ Dvorak Cello Concerto experimentation with new and a host of others, with Shostakovich Grieg Peer Gynt Suite OFFER forms of worship, Ramshaw’s BBC1 filming the next service Piano Concerto No 1 in C minor Sibelius Symphony No 5 ALL TICKETS £10.00 beliefs are resolutely old-fash- in a fortnight’s time) the Rachmaninov inin EE flatflat WITH THIS ADVERT: ioned. “I really do believe in the whelmingly positive about the attendance rate of both is Symphony No 3 in A minor supernatural,” he tells me. “If experience. He tells me, “There swelling rapidly. There’s angels don’t exist I would feel is some concern from some evidently never been a better TICKETS £26.50 £22.50 £18.50 very conned. I’ve never seen members of the congregation time to get in touch with your one but I think they do exist, who attend other services. I’m dark side. In a cheerful, Jesus- BOX OFFICE and I believe in ghosts.” This a ‘Book of Common Prayer’ loving sort of way. love of the mystical and the person myself, but I believe in 01223 357 851 symbolic is something that the phrase a ‘broad church’. www.cornex.co.uk links together gothic and And if at a quarter to nine on Christian culture for Ramshaw, a cold Tuesday evening, Marcus www.gotheucharist.org.uk 17.02.06 Comment Varsity 11

A LACK Anyone For Thai Grue Curry? OF SKILLS

CUSU Frank admissions in the colour controversy EDUCATION Jacob OFFICER Head

Tess Riley ey skills occupy a rather neglected position B MILLAR ABI ietnamese, like many kitchen. All appetite Kwithin the Cambridge languages, does not vanished: she was drinking a system. Due to the Vverbally distinguish glass of greeny-blue, very- University’s relentless “blue” from “green” – the off, milk. “Rach, are you academic emphasis, the adjective xanh covers both, okay?” acquisition of “transferable what English linguisticians Surely the essay crisis skills” which can be used term “grue”. Were we to use hadn’t come to this? Suicide outside the narrow confines just one word in Cambridge, by mouldy milk? I was of academia is not as strongly the potential problems could ready for action. I had seen encouraged as it could be. be disasterous; shouting E.R. I knew the score. An element of this is “come on you Grues!” at However, fears were certainly snobbishness: many Varsity football matches allayed and all thoughts of students and staff instinctively might earn you a few grue George Clooney suppressed associate the words “key skills” bruises, and the thought when she promised me that with former polytechnics and that WKD might not be its the milk was new. less academically rigorous usual flourescent blue makes However… degrees. Many even foster a me come over all green. “I’m seeing if you’re a strange sense of pride in the Ugh. colourist.” esoteric nature of their cours- Physicists would have a A what? “A colourist. You es and how inapplicable they terrible time with their know, like, a colour racist – are to the “real” world. wiring, mathmos would get whether you’ll only eat This is unfortunate, as their abacuses all in a foods that are the colour Cambridge is one of the best fuddle, geographers would you expect them to be. Try places to acquire additional be prevented from their very this.” I watched her with skills which can increase important colouring-in tasks, mingled awe and suspicion employability. The choices are and I would find myself in as she drained a saucepan of almost endless: courses in Modernism seminars blue pasta and poured over everything from learning discussing Virginia Woolf, a blue tomato sauce. My plate Korean to studying C++ are leading Grue-Stocking femi- resembled a miniature offered by various depart- nist of her day. No thank Picasso from his Blue Period. ments and centres. you. With cheddar cheese. On the more subtle front, Vietnamese avoids possible Having Rach scientifically being involved in one of the pitfalls by finding an ingen- do not have two separate of different cultures. We’ve peering at me was one way many clubs or societies offers ious way to distinguish words for light and dark all heard the one about the to put me off my food; blue experience of running an between the two colours. blue. Russian does; goluboy twenty seven and a half or otherwise. But, she was organisation more complex “Leaf grue,” xanh lá cây, (excuse my accent), what different ways to say right, it did taste odd and it than a small charity or busi- describes green things and English calls “light blue”, is “I WATCHED AS “white” in Iceland, but did looked vile. ness. All of these experiences “water grue”, xanh nuoc, as independent from siniy, you know that the red-light So, I’m a colourist. I’m can and should be highlighted blue. Excellent. Next time or “dark blue”, as pink is SHE DRAINED A district is named as such anti-blue. That sounds bad. as part of a CV and, when your best friend comes back from red to us. SAUCEPAN OF because of the colour’s asso- Acceptance is the first properly exploited, can make from Cindy’s a bit worse for But who is “us”? English ciation with blood and stage towards recovery. The one far more attractive to wear you can tell her she’s language speakers? British BLUE PASTA AND therefore arousal? full cure? Well, I’m doing employers. More importantly, looking a bit “leaf grue” – people? What about those POURED OVER I started thinking about my best, sitting here listen- however, is the positive effect it’s much more elegant. who are Russian-English colours after my panic last ing to my Chet Baker blues they have on our lives, beyond Native English speakers bilinguists? We’re all seeing BLUE TOMATO week that my flatmate had CD and practising sexy employment and into social might think this lack of the same thing, even if SAUCE gone crazy. After a long day, netball moves to get into the activities and general interest. adjectival range is odd – we’re not divinding linguis- I trudged into the flat to be Blues team. What else? It is therefore unfortunate that why not just have two tic boundaires the same way. welcomed by delightful Should I turn Tory? Give up not much effort is devoted to different words? Yet, we ask One explanation for such cooking smells. Immediately environmentalism? Maybe I learning such skills, especially this from our own subjective differences is that languages revived by the thought of should become Vietnamese? by us as students. point of view, through our develop according to what is ” nabbing some of Rachel’s Oh dear, I’m coming over The University Education own language. Indeed, we important for the speakers pasta dish, I went into the all grue. section and CUSU are working together to encourage students to see their education as not just beginning and ending in the lecture theatre. Two personal development programmes, Springboard (for Leave Your Party Prejudices At The Door women) and Navigator (for men), have been developed and these might help us to see Why Blair-baiting and Tory-hating hurt our politics our lives in a more holistic way. Extra-curricular courses are Katherine Poole also becoming more frequent. Once these programmes are in ast week, I went to see Ann yelped at the witch, accusatorily. Yet even for someone with such a Galloway - Indefatigable Boo! Such place, the main problem will Widdecombe speak at the “Well you should have checked,” she strong Pollyanna streak as myself, it’s an approach is neither radical nor always be communicating to LUnion. Nothing radical about replied. That told me. difficult to overcome old suspicions. constructive - it is complacent and students of their existence. this. I’m always on the look out for Both women are proponents of The single-mother rant issued from a predictable. It is almost the This is not a new problem, women who cut a figure more forth- tough love in its most basic sense, question about the ingrained and Establishment response. especially considering the right than my own, and Widdecombe combining brusqueness with enor- indomitable Tory stereotype. Even if There is no profit in such recourse collegic nature of the universi- certainly has a voice that could shat- mous enthusiasm: an approach no we accept that it was my personal to stereotype, or in permitting our ty, but the co-operation of the ter lead. However, once I’d got past doubt shared with a large number of responsibility to check for pins in my concern for appearance to act as party Faculties, Colleges, JCRs and this in order to actually listen to Cambridge supervisors. Even when frilly blue frock, it would still have whip to good judgement. The failure CUSU will be required to solve what she was saying, I was rather Widdecombe began yelping in an been nice for someone to warn me to negotiate our embedded allegiances it effectively. unsettled to realise that I actually ever-so-slightly scary way about that pins might have been there in makes us all the more vulnerable to In the long term, financial agreed with some of it. single mums (only the ‘feckless’ the first place. “Would a Tory the distraction of cheap jibes, superfi- considerations may become a This is more than a slight depar- ones, mind; fathers apparently government warn me about the cial promises and bickering. Isn’t it problem as extra-curricular ture for someone who, upon having been discharged as rapidly by possibility of pins?” I found myself rather undeveloped to go on the courses are often the first to be coming home from school one elec- Anne as by the mothers) it was clear wondering, somewhat unprofitably. defensive in the face of criticism? The cut when faculties or colleges tion year to discover her front lawn that the source of her vitriol was a I was once asked by the Labour aggressive nature of politics too often are faced with financial pres- dotted with Tory party placards, desperate anxiety for the welfare of Student Chair of another university drives good ideas underground, or sure. Services such as the very nearly called Childline. the children, and a desire to halt the to justify why my lot (the Greens) opens the door on them too soon, Language Centre and Widdecombe reminds me of the cycle of disaffection. came to be allied with their lot (the and they are rushed out like a tower- Computing Service could woman who used to run the All of a sudden, the leftie mindset Tories) in Leeds City Council, and ing cake-based representation of easily be at risk should the wardrobe of our village drama group seemed more like that of a stroppy seemed confused by my untroubled political astuteness, only to quickly university decide that its with a bag of jumble and a vigorous adolescent, who sulks about how conscience. Everywhere else preju- collapse into half-baked slop. money is better spent else- regime of individual responsibility. unfair it all is, and could do with a dice is generally accepted as a bad Future generations will have to where. This is something Once, when pulling on a delightful spell in a Widdecombesque boot camp thing. Yet when most people of take a more productive approach to which CUSU needs to keep a Alice in Wonderland costume, I in the Nevada desert. What’s become student age do muster the strength government if they ever want to careful eye on, to ensure that discovered with some discomfort of me? Is it possible for the-other- to ‘engage’, it’s often only to perpet- reverse political apathy. Don’t you these important programmes that a pin had been left in the kind-of-blue blood to run congenitally uate the pageant of pantomime know the only way to deal with and the benefits they offer are fabric, and had ripped up the back and inescapably in one’s veins? And if villains. Blair - Boo! Thatcher - BOO! bullies and fibbers is to ignore them? not lost for future generations of my leg. “You left a pin in it!” I so, can one get dialysis to correct this? Bush - Big Boo Plus Fright Mask. The voting public do. of students. 12 Varsity Comment 17.02.06 O KINGSLEY TOM

and

Israel chips

MEMBERS OF THE BLOG FRATERNITY ATTACK EACH OTHER WITH KNIVES AND NEEDLES

My grandad fought in nineteen differ- ent world wars and now he’s expected to remember 4 numbers for his Chip ‘n’ Pin. You think he’s capa- ble of that? I don’t bloody think so. Kirsten

If this Chip and Pin debacle is some sort of backward-arsed way of saving the NHS, then I’m afraid it’s going to go the same way as the 1936 Grand National, when three horses died of dysentery, and the NHS was scarcely improved. beardedbaby

Podcasting constitutes a cheap and Its editorial team lacking in basic skills like so many of their peers (allegedly), the Varsity Spelling Bee takes a turn for the rude. Students, respect your teachers reliable substitute to both useless, petty birdwatching and boring, analogue Grand Nationals. Just rig up the podcast and fire off the first of 12 prize-winning radio shows! With Act Your Age, Not Your Suit Size podcasting, the future smells of civil- ians. This means you, you stupid We’re not grown-ups yet; let’s not pretend that we are

brewer. tech_help Olaf hock. Horror. The CUSU President Of course, this lack of perspective isn’t cadets on exercise don’t fire missiles at I don’t think anybody should be proposed a motion without letting limited to CUSU. No indeed. It’s endemic their geography teacher just because he is allowed to start “ranking” the Sthe rest of the CUSU executive to this provincial backwater of ours; all temporarily pretending to be the enemy wonderful Amazon landmarks, like so know. This is BAD. A really really BAD across Cambridge there are students trying general. many cheap, slutty whores Mike thing. A really really really BAD thing. to ‘do a Batman’. Trying, that is, to dress This widespread malaise paints a bizarre But the question is, how bad? Is it bad up as something they are not and have picture of our corporate body; to outsiders

Get off your high horse, Mike, and enough to end friendships, is it bad themselves taken more seriously. They the town appears to be full of teenagers Henricson-Bell actually take a look around you. enough that it necessitates letters being probably have a multi-coloured sidekick walking round with their parents’ over- Bronson circulated and motions of no confidence alongside them to assist in the mainte- sized clothes dragging along behind them, being brought? I doubt it, and the speed nance of the illusion. He may be called conversing in a bizarre parody of ‘adult’, Bronson: take you’re your point with which the post-vote executive has Dobbin. Or something. and hoping beyond hope that no-one about high horses. Horses get too decided that all is fine suggests that a chit- notices the discrepancy between who they high: no more Grand National chat around the kitchen table would have are and the role they are playing. Perhaps Divided been a more mature way to deal with the this explains the perplexing abundance of situation. double-breasted jackets in Cambridge. GN unlikely to succeed in my book. It’s not just that such activity is a gross- “ Your dad can wear a double-breasted Without? Probably the jockeys. ly disproportionate response to a relatively PERHAPS THIS jacket, but only because he has two sheriff_of_nottingham minor offence, it’s that by behaving in EXPLAINS THE breasts. If you’re a woman you probably such a pompous manner those involved have two breasts too, but that’s different,

Agree: GN needs jockeys de facto. have undermined the good work that I’m PERPLEXING and you still shouldn’t wear your dads’ As for Chip ‘n’ Pin, impossibility of sure CUSU does. It isn’t so much a case ABUNDANCE OF jackets. time-travel negates precise answers of the boy crying wolf, as the student- If this all seems a bit of an exaggera- Analyst dressed-as-parliamentarian crying DOUBLE-BREASTED tion, that’s because it is. For most people mummy. Cambridge is a great opportunity to try a JACKETS“ IN Jam is made from fruit and sugar. To this extent the whole affair is remi- host of new things and have a lot of fun Info_cruiser niscent of the perennial threats to CAMBRIDGE before the real-world turns up and stuffs impeach Tony Blair. Mutterings of consti- us into its knap-sack. But it’s perhaps Okay: let’s divide up the rough from tutionality and accountability carried the important for the minority, who run the smooth. Bronson: you’re wrong. try-hard undertones of the class geek around with looks of immense concern Sheriff: Who are you? Jeremy: you’re scrabbling for attention while the teacher As a result we have student political on their faces, to remember that we are definitely wrong :-) gently_watching marches off in the other direction. And societies full of people talking, acting, and just students, and that being students is a that was about a war; Laura Walsh was dressing as if their energetic squabbling privileged opportunity for things not to This Chip and Pin debate encapsu- only accused of misleading the twenty or had any relevance at all to the actual matter all that much. lates, once again, everything that is so people who have heard of CUSU. business of government. We have news- Of course, it’s useful to have a student rotten and bone-less about the point- If she had tried to use student union papers that react to a spelling mistake as if union to organise sex education talks; of less state of the West Virginian funds to buy herself a tank, there would the world had collapsed, and people turn- course, we’re glad that there are people archipelago. What a trashy mess of perhaps have been a case for removing ing up to lectures with briefcases and a putting on plays of a high quality; and, of weak old generals. What an appalling her from her post. As it is, the people portable HR department. course, at some point some of us will be brigade of layabouts. Ladle concerned need to go to Asda and buy I once attended a meeting of the Lord doing very similar things in capital cities themselves some of that perspective stuff. of the Rings Society in which the around the world. But we aren’t now, Ladle: immense over-reaction. Don’t It’s very cheap, and it helps you to realise President brought a motion to disaffiliate and acting as if we are is a sure-fire way you ever visit circuses or parks? that your actions have human conse- the society from Mordor; he was set upon to miss out on all that is best about the Look at those laughing children. Look quences. It’s all very well jumping up by goblins and some guy with a lisp. stage of life we currently inhabit. at all this great stuff! east_islander and down on your high-hobby-horse, but Many people take their extra-curricular Someone, somewhere is reading this student politics is exactly that, student poli- activities so seriously because they want and reaching for their briefcase (and More jockeys immediately Alison tics, and there is very little in student life to pursue them as a career afterwards. calligraphy set) to write a letter about the to justify treating anyone the way Laura They therefore conceive of themselves as importance of the CUSU constitution. I Jockeys jockeys Walsh has been treated by people that somehow in training. This makes some would like to thank them. They’ve claimed to be her friends. sort of sense I suppose. Except that school proven my point.

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Say It Again, Sam perform better in the tripos, CUR1350 Speaks Mozart’s Mystery A move forwards but this should only lead us to Varsity is glad that members of Emmanuel College may be Dear Sir, suspect him of still worse Dear Sir, Dear Sir, the first people in the UK able to receive the Church bless- motives for his ing’s for same sex civil partnerships. We are proud that such Maybe merely a point of courting of top public schools. Following Ardil Salem's Although it hardly seems fair, a move has come from within our University. pedantry, but for all its He cannot deny that there are excellent article regarding our in reference to the article Cambridge has a long tradition of being at the forefront professed knowledge of roman- financial benefits to be had in recent Community Radio (Varsity, 10th February), to tic films, your Valentine's Arts encouraging applications from Licence application (Varsity, apply scholarly ideals to Mr of reform. As an institution this University has proved itself special (Varsity, 10th February) the independent sector. 10th February), I wish to point Letschka’s review of Pletnev capable of adapting to the changes of the times; but too makes one serious mistake. To suggest that students’ objec- out a misunderstanding: The playing Mozart (undoubtedly often this has been a drawn-out, tortuous and divisive The picture of the couple tions to inegalitarian policies “short-term restricted FM as inappropriate as Pletnev’s process. The particular issue at hand has proved similarly locked in a passionate embrace are the result of “dated class Licence” (also known as an alleged attempts to “impose difficult for the Church of England in recent years. Rev could not in any way be prejudice” is both offensive and RSL licence) is completely Romantic ideals on purely Caddick’s move is a bold one, establishing his - and indeed mistaken for Bogart and completely unfounded, as is his independent of the Classical music” … and “war- Emmanuel’s - position as being abreast of a wider mood in Bergman. They are Clark Gable attribution to the same Community Radio Licence horses of the Classical this country for a progressive social agenda. and Vivien Leigh, and the film students the “ghoulish application scheme. repertoire” at that), the impli- With some justification, many students will continue to in question is Gone With The anticipation” of Thatcher's I also wish to state that cation that Mozart died in Wind. But frankly, my dears, do death. As Laidlaw should be CUR1350 is the only 1756 surely warrants correc- criticise the hypocrisies contained in the Church’s messy you give a damn? perfectly aware, this is a confla- Community Radio Licence tion? compromise, and to question the relevance of Rev tion of two separate issues. I applicant focused upon the If the review's opening Caddick’s gesture to their lives when it affects such a small Yours faithfully, for one am uncomfortable students and staff of statement - that 2006 is the proportion of the wider population. with the “Thatcher death Cambridge University and 250th anniversary of Mozart's However, this gesture is far from meaningless. It is surely Helen Fisher party”, but this doesn’t prevent ARU. No service aimed at death - does however prove a reason to celebrate that in this instance, a lone college in Clare College me from caring about access. academics exists on the FM correct, I fear that the compa- a university frequently described as an isolated ivory tower Further, his description of platform in Cambridge. ny of a forthcoming student has made a clear and brave statement about the way in Trouble the hammer and sickle as “an We firmly believe that our production of “The Marriage which it regards its members both as individuals and as citi- In King’s iconography of mass murder” proposed Community Radio of Figaro” (completed in can only be the result of amaz- service will benefit the 1786) are sadly mistaken as zens of a larger society. Whatever one thinks of the Church Dear Sir, ingly simplistic reasoning. His academic community by to the authorship of this of England as an institution, it should be acknowledged final comment amounts to broadcasting material with work. that many people have for too long been made to feel I find James Laidlaw's letter saying that socialist and their interests at heart, and unwelcome in the chapels of a faith they share. To attempt (Varsity Letters, 10th February) communist students should not also by giving all academics Yours faithfully, to reconcile this is as much a matter of concern to those highly offensive, both for its have been let in. Perhaps an opportunity to produce interested in the preservation of human rights and toler- content and for the insult to recruiting exclusively from their own programmes on-air. Rowland Moseley ance as it is to the followers of any one religion. students' intelligence implicit in Eton would avoid further Co-Chairman any expectation Laidlaw might “mistakes”. Yours faithfully, CU Opera Society have that they will be convinced by his arguments. I Yours faithfully, Michael Brooks Application investigation am prepared to accept his Station Manager The new application figures released by UCAS should be claim that students from inde- Lorna Finlayson CUR135 Letters may be edited for pendent schools do not King’s College space and clarity seen as both a cause for concern and a disappointment. It seems clear that, as many predicted, the introduction of top-up fees has had a detrimental effect on the number of The Finer Points Furthermore, your writer did to present an idea an audience school-leavers applying to university. Of Good Writing little to dispel the sense of self- can understand. Good, clear Whilst it should be acknowledged that those predictions indulgence which they so rightly writing shows respect to the – by the government and others – underestimated the Dear Sir, criticised. They had the honesty reader. It also shows humility. change, the simplicity of the story is perhaps overstated. As to tacitly admit that they used Arguments are successful the Department for Education and Skills point out, this The Anonymous Student's such words as “intertextuality” because they are persuasive, not year’s drop was made worse by the unexpectedly high comment last week (Varsity, 10th or “problematise” or the phrase confusing; to be clear in one's February) was, ironically, itself a “ontological quest of alterity”. style of writing is to acknowledge increase caused by those forfeiting a gap year to avoid top- demonstration of the supposed But they acknowledged that they that someone may disagree, and up fees’ introduction. weaknesses of the “Cambridge did not have the willpower to to invite their alternative opin- However, the fact remains that there has been a drop Essay”. The writer’s own self- resist such terminology: “I can't ions, not deny them. in those applying to English universities preparing to reference was demonstrated by help it,” they wailed. This is move to the top-up fees system, and a sharp rise in those their application of grievances simple laziness, as is their failure Yours faithfully, seeking places at Scottish, Welsh and other institutions peculiar to the study of English to consider any writing style who are not doing so. That this might continue would literature to the works of “arts between the extremes of the James Freeman surely be undesirable to both the former and latter. students across the land (or at “linguistic signifiers” they criti- Corpus Christi College However certain of the benefits or evils of top-up fees, least Oxbridge-wide)”. I have cise and “txt spk” or “chav rarely found that works of dialects”. P.S. “Ontological quest of alteri- they are a present and future reality to our University. We History, for example, suffer from The purpose of writing is not ty” means “being different”. must continue to pressure those at the top of the institu- the same turgid jargon as literary to wrap oneself up in a cocoon tion to improve provisions made for those applying (or criticism. This may be one of words that no-one under- Letter of the Week wins considering it) from the poorest backgrounds, and commu- Letter of reason why the former discipline stands, trying to make one's a specially selected bottle nicate better with sixth-formers ourselves in order to make is flourishing, while that of work and oneself impervious to from our friends at clear the realities of future debt. A Cambridge degree the Week English is plagued by the self- criticism through obfuscation. remains not only a fantastic experience but an incredible doubt so apparent in the One should aspire to clarity, Cambridge Wine asset. It should be available to all who can achieve it. Anonymous Student's essay. possessing confidence in oneself Merchants, King’s Parade Do you have a passion for writing, “Education in Cambridge has been drained” taking photographs, designing, illus- The Anonymous Student trating or producing publications? Do you want to show your work to This Week: What Are We Really Doing Here? 18,000 readers across Cambridge and ambridge is an egotistical to save them from themselves. ers; mimic your examiners; help us to absorb and engage institution. Its members I was reading a few weeks affect knowledge and intelli- with reports written by the Anglia Ruskin Universities every Cengage constantly in self- about a political philosopher - gence. There is something marketing division, not because exultation, like some sort of Adam Smith I think it was - who schematic, routinized, bureau- of its intrinsic value. It is a Friday? involuntary institutional came up to Cambridge in the cratised about learning here. hollow text, read to teach a masturbation. I’m sick of the eighteenth century for three or Cambridge is a manufactory of methodology, nothing more. constant Cambridge agitprop; four years and spent his time the educated: we are passively If there was no qualification, Varsity is always looking for new everyone here has been enrolled here acquainting himself with made by the long-developed no status; if there were no in this grand scheme of decep- the classics of English and processes of the faculties. prospects, no expectations – contributors. The team’s contact tion. “Come to Cambridge, it’s European literature. I wish I A long time ago when would you still do it? Remove great!”, they crow. could have done that; it sounds students used to come up to all the external incentives and details are on the left. Email the rele- It’s about time we stopped self-directed, self-chosen and Cambridge to learn a little of the ask yourself if that which vant section editors today and get ceding to the undiscriminating delightfully aimless. It even Classics, in a gentlemanly way, inheres in education is enough hagiographers and their fucking sounds pleasant. the experience was thought to make you want to read involved - no prior experience is awful exclamation marks. But education in Cambridge much more valuable for what it Marx or furrow your brow Access has for too long been the is so completely exam-orient- was and because of the self- over that obscurantist Hegel. I necessary. paradigm: I want to champion ed. And with exam development that it constituted. think I know the answer and the anti-access cause. I don’t just orientation comes its bastard Education in Cambridge has it makes me think less of want to keep ethnic minorities, corollary: prescription. Read been drained of inherent value. myself and less of you. the disadvantaged and the the following sections from the It is now little more than a tool Education has become a means disabled out, I want to keep following books; absorb the for the fostering of human capi- like a shovel or a prostitute, everyone out. It’s the only way verities of the following lectur- tal: Smith is read because it will not the end that once it was. Versace SS06 hourglass ballgown Fresh faces at Valli SS06 Prada’s smart casual SS06 Cambridge is a city full of pubs, some of reddish brown, light brown, yellowish is for which serve no food, some of which serve brown, and greenish’. We had the dark here today bad food, some of which serve gastro-food; brown soup, which was satisfyingly rich none of which serve real pub food. The and full of meaty vegetables. All in all this Judging by the latest notion of the pub lunch has become less was an exceptional winter dish. However, Jason Evans is an New York shows, appealing as the chains pump out the real attraction was the meat platters. optimistic photog- war-time gloom is microwave ready meals and others try to The beef was succulent and served straight rapher. Log onto here to stay. We emulate a brasserie-style experience. There from the joint that proudly rested on the thedailynice.com started the century certainly is a lack of pubs where one might bar (of course, the non-smoking side). Our to get a slice of with Sex and the specifically go to eat. My suggestion for plates were generously piled upon, and his peachy outlook City optimism, but those of you who have a taste for the tradi- accompanied by crusty bread and horserad- every morning. the images of our tional is to head to The Queen’s Head, in ish or mustard. The ham was also delicious, generation will be Newton. This pub is timeless and refresh- completely unlike the wet variety that “Snobbish as it sounds, a bril- enough for the boys (‘black it will do for you what it does defined by a gloomy ingly rustic. Newton is a mere six miles comes ready packaged. liant ball is a collection of tie’ instructs the gentlemen) for the six-foot superwoman from Cambridge and the perfect opportuni- To complete the experience, we washed brilliantly fashionable ladies face more of a on the cover. Coco Chanel ty to escape for the evening. our food down with stout and Adnams people” says a 1922 etiquette quandary. Remember ‘fash- said “fashion changes, styles The 500 year-old pub has an amazing broadside ale, which came fresh from the manual. Almost true. A ionable’ isn’t for everyone. remains” - you will want to French handwriting history, with the current owner being the barrel. There is also a wide choice of wines Red roses are spring ball should be a collec- You may not suit the shape look at these photos in a may be here today, but third generation of his family to run the and spirits if you don’t want to go the full exclusively for tion of brilliantly stylish of the season. Never choose decade’s time without acute the Gallic goverment place (from a list of recorded owners that hog. But why leave Wetherspoon’s if you’re cheating boyfriends people. While that is easy latest looks without checking embarrassment. has called to stop reaches back to 1725). From the outside the going to order a Barcardi and coke? to give when schools teaching it. Queen’s Head looks much like any other they’ve sinned, Join the fight to keep it village pub, but once inside you cannot fail white roses are Quentin Jones alive; email Chirac! The to be charmed by its old-fashioned warmth. is for ball gown morbid, pink roses The ball gown itself is the gowns, if you want some- jewellery, elegance is key - a cursive hand was good The saloon bar flickers under candle light are tacky. Yellow is main concern, the set on thing different without the simple row of pearls will enough for Victor and is filled with old wood benches and the way to go for which the ball will play itself trek to the capital. Vintage is never look ostentatious. Hugo! tables tucked into various nooks and cran- classic grace. out. Try working with a perfect for old-fashioned Keeping the accessories mini- nies. The huge log fireplace and stags’ heads seamstress to come up with a glamour and for finding mal will let your amazing add to the feeling that you are a world away totally unique piece, or check exactly the right cut for you. dress steal the limelight, and from university life. out some of the more elusive Although general rules are also make sure the look The choice of food was simple: did we London boutiques. They tricky, one could say that remains understatedly glam- want either the beef, ham, smoked salmon, needn’t be expensive, so have hourglass curves can sway orous, rather than misjudged or cheese platter? For starters we had the a wander around Covent towards 50s prom dresses and over the top. Ally Lulu is for JUST NOT ON! Queen’s Head soup, which rotates daily Garden’s Neal Street or whilst more boyish figures has the most beautiful shoes within the colour spectrum of ‘dark brown, Spitalfields market. Fiorella can look divine in 1930s in Cambridge and the new on Green Street is soon t dropped waist gowns. season stock is coming in just Converse are fine... Taffeta is a difficult launch a new range of ball When it comes to in time for the spring balls. except in mono- fabric. In carefully tone! Leave these sculpted skirts or in ’ sooty eye sores to black or navy blue it is for is for casual, smart casual decrepit old men can be breathtaking. Queens Head pub who have lost their But a shapeless block An invitation arrives. off if you feel overdressed. princesses in his dignity and have to of fabric changing Exciting, until you notice Muted browns and greys are Spring/Summer 2006 collec- wear them with colour in the light Fowlmere Rd, Newton, Cambridge the dress code. What fashionable and look suave, tion. Wrap a lace ribbon black tie. does not make for a happens when stipulated is but being more experimen- around your hair tie and stunning gown. ‘smart casual’, ‘informal’ or tal with pinks and blues will mist some hairspray over the even ‘Invitation only. Dress make you stand out. top to prevent too many accordingly’? For ladies, a well-acces- tendrils working loose. It is only polite to ensure sorised dress looks elegant Details make a difference. Long skirts are that you look as pretty as with heels. Flats work with If you’re really unsure what Pinning up possible to fit in with your a casual skirt and top combi- to wear, take a silk scarf, being tapped as a Valentine’s Day trend for next host’s vision for their party. nation, emulating Bardot’s brooch or a precious neck- cards. You think it’s In the Cambridge world of understated chic. As a rule, lace in your bag, to put on if winter. But are the embodiment of a Cambridge girls black tie and formals, ‘smart the more casual, the more you feel too casual. The sentiment... that casual’ needs more thought effort you must put into golden rule is that if you really ready to hide sentiment is pity. their perfect pins? than most dress codes. accessories. walk into the room wearing Same goes for Gentlemen have more room Keep make-up light and an air of confidence and a Varsity Lifestyle seri- Facebook pokes. ously hopes not. for creativity usual. Try a pair natural, with a dash of megawatt smile, you will Poke back or poke of tailored trousers with a blusher, a pink lipstick and a automatically look like the off. long-sleeved shirt and v- flick of mascara. A sleek most stylish person there. neck jumper. Arrive in a tie ponytail worked for and you can always whip it Giambattista Valli’s catwalk Fiona Walker Doyle is for liaisons It has come to my attention that most girls who they would prefer the behaviour of certain individu- to talk to and they would pick good als on formal swaps, drinking banter over good looks – give me society outings and sporting socials Vince Vaughn over Brad Pitt any has been far from the required. day of the week. Be eccentric and Certain boys have been neglecting individual – actively try to avoid is for the women to their left and right, chat revolving around the banali- believing alcohol alone is key to a ties of subject choices and year successful night. They are mistak- group, you can do better than that! en. Not only does a girl wish to Some of the more memorable is for eat enjoy a nice glass (or bottle) of conversations that I have come wine, but also to be entertained by across include being challenged to the gentlemen beside her. name the United States of America this... It seems these few troublemak- in alphabetical order, being asked ers have not learnt their ABC of to compare the size of various shoot formal hall etiquette. Not only are muscles of the boys either side and Miso soup balanced suspension. here, which has a saltier these three simple rules invaluable being presented with reasons for a Traditionally thought to and stronger taste. for a great evening to be had by all, pre-nuptial agreement before To serve two: lower blood pressure and Contained in the simplic- they will massively improve your marriage. Get creative and make prevent cancer, clear miso ity of miso is infinite chances of a post-hall romantic her laugh. 700 ml water (2 large cups) with a meal will rehydrate possibility. Proportion encounter. C is for Charm. Flirt a little, flat- 1.5 tablespoons miso paste and refresh, tempering our between the two elements A is for Attentiveness. The girl ter her a little, and make her feel 0.5 teaspoon dashi stock western desire to overeat. can be constantly changed, next to you is interesting and you attractive. Talking about your Dashi stock, the first and regional variety within really want to listen to what she current relationship constantly is Bring water and dashi stock element, is bought as a Japanese flavours is a has to say. This may not be true, never remotely fascinating for your to the boil and leave to ground powder. It falls into wealth to investigate. Miso but this is what you want her to guest – she really couldn’t care less simmer. Pour a little stock four varieties – Konbu can also be enriched by think. Even if that overdue essay about your girlfriend. If you must over the miso paste in a (kelp), Katsuo bushi other ingredients, from now seems more scintillating then mention her, then keep it brief, but small dish, and allow to (bonito flakes) used in this Chinese cabbage, tofu, ever, at least keep a look of feigned under no circumstances try to pull soften. Return the stock recipe, Niboshi (sardines) eggplant, noodle and interest on your face. Nod and the girl you are talking to by saying and miso to the pan, mix and Hoshi Shiitake spinach, to potato, clam smile once in a while, too. If she is that you are only 80 per cent sure and allow to simmer for a (shiitake mushroom). and daikon radish. All the able to keep your attention, listen about your girlfriend (yes, this short while. Add any Miso, the second ingredients are available to her and ask questions. It may actually has happened). There is a further miso or dashi to element, is a creamy paste from the Chinese super- seem like the most ridiculously fine, fine line between charm and balance the taste to your in form and found in many market on Mill Road. simple requirement, but spend too sleaze and it can be hard to stay on wishes and serve. varieties across Japan. The much time yelling abuse at other the right side of it. Keep your gaze Miso soup is a simple most common are Shiro Lucy Minyo boys, or drinking yourself into a focused on her, trying not to stare blend of dashi and miso, (white), a sweeter paler stupor, and she will feel unwanted at her breasts too much and keep- Tiffany wears light blue polkadot 50s dress from Vera Vintage Clothing, £65; blue Mootich shoes with heart forming a perfectly flavour, and Aka (red) used and uncomfortable. ing the drooling to a minimum. and feather details from Ally Lulu, £227 (reduced to £67), cream cardigan from Revolution, £90 (reduced to £50), B is for Banter. This is key to a cream semi-precious necklace from Ally Lulu, £42 successful Cambridge evening. Ask Jenny Stocks photographed by Andy Sims, styled by Susannah Wharfe, hair by Reeds 16 Varsity Arts 17.02.06 Arts Classical Music Visual Arts Screen Witnessing high drama at Whose mantelpiece will Reviewing Blake at the Getting vengeful with Park the opera be graced by a Varsity Fitzwilliam Museum Chan-Wook Award?

>>page 20 >>page 17 >>page 18 >>page 23 Tales of the unexpected A Mandarin musical takes to the Cambridge stage. Sarah Wilkinson admires a valiant attempt to explore the power of Chinese myth, but wonders whether too much is lost in the subtitles he ADC auditorium for opening conceived the play in 1989. As he out-of-tune singers and trying to piece night was seething with anticipa- states, “Traditional values are no together the rather befuddling story Ttion. An almost full house on longer valuable in today’s individual- line, I found myself missing what Zhao opening night attested to Cambridge’s ist society”. Though he does not wished me to experience as I interest in sampling Chinese musical believe that all of these values can or LOVE THROBS AT remained, for the most part, emotion- theatre. In order to bring out the orig- need be brought back into focus, Zhao “ ally unmoved. inal poetic quality of the play, it was hopes that his production of The Dark THE CENTRE OF Perhaps it was because it was decided that the play should be Tales, based on the short story collec- Valentine’s Day and there were so performed in Mandarin, a decision tion of Pu Songling (1640-1715), will CHINESE MYTH, many expectant couples perched in reflected in the composition of the be a “showcase of historical values” the audience. Perhaps it was because audience, more than half of whom from which we will be able to extract IN TALES OF my hopes for the production had been were Chinese. However, perhaps the the useful elements, elements which raised in my fascinating discussion heavy use of subtitles prevented those may instigate positive change both for GODS AND with Yueyang Zhao. Whatever the of us who could not speak Mandarin the individual and society. reason, I felt quite disappointed that I from extracting the intended positive Zhao expressed a very definite GHOSTS OF had been unable to extract something values. desire for the latter to be brought more positive from a production with Chinese myth may seem alien at under the spotlight, and in this I FOX-FAIRIES so much potential. It was undoubted- first, the cultural heritage so different believe he has accomplished his goal. ly interesting to see characters which and so ancient, and Attempting to merge the serious qual- are so familiar to Chinese culture the traditional ities of the (such as the fox fairies) being vividly characters unfa- origi- brought to life, and yes, at times the miliar, yet stage glistened with beautiful fabrics, inevitably in our ” with sensuous silks and sequins. experiences of However, the spiritual meaning human underlying the myths was not made emotions we sufficiently accessible for the Western find ourselves members of the audience, and it inhabiting the appeared that the Chinese spectators same world of sense and found the production more humorous sensibility. Despite the genera- than heartfelt, to judge by their tions which have passed since frequent gales of laughter. In hoping the first recorded Chinese to share the intriguing aspects of their mythological tales in the Wei ancient cultural heritage with a and Jin Dynasties (220- Cambridge audience, the 420AD), the thematic CUCCS have a noble aim. focus remains just as rele- Unfortunately, this may vant, though perhaps our not be the production that interpretations of these realises their dream. themes have evolved with time. The Dark Tales encapsulates arche- The Dark Tales is on typal traits of traditional Chinese at 7.45pm at the ADC myth, including rebellion against until Saturday repression, the intertwining of history and mythology, the exaltation of perseverance, labour, self-sacrifice and, ultimately, the exoneration of nal script with true love. Love throbs at the heart of the entertaining Chinese myth, beating out its rele- nature of the 2001 vance through the stories of Gods and Cantonese operatic ghosts, of fox-fairies (foxes who study version of The Dark Tales, human nature for thousands of years the CUCCS (Cambridge until they assume humanoid traits, University Chinese Culture most often becoming beautiful Society) has created a musical inter- women) and spirits; all characteristic pretation which focuses heavily on figures of classical Chinese mytholo- the theme of forbidden love. As a gies. mortal, Duxiu, attempts to continue a According to the producer of relationship with the ghost of his Cambridge’s first Chinese musical, The former lover Luoxia, and a fox-fairy, Dark Tales, this reflects the fixed nature Ziyu develops a doomed love for the of Chinese class boundaries, which, devoted scholar Ruyun, we see the though lessened in rigidity, still exist frustration and tears bred by bound- in contemporary Chinese society. aries when they divide the hearts of Yeuyang Zhao told me that it is lovers. I felt that only Yourzhi Zou “imprudent” for a girl to consider (Ruyun) and Ivy Xiaojun Sun (Ziyu) marrying higher than her class, for it were able to transcend the technical likely to bring shame to both families, difficulties experienced on the open- and that honour and loyalty to the ing night to convey the power of their family should be the optimum priori- love. Sun’s crystalline voice resonated ty. This situation surfaces in the script with purity, whilst Zou allowed his as a maid is scorned for even thinking voice to carry the weight of his desire

of seducing a scholar, a gentleman into the auditorium with ease. Zhao LISOGORSKA MARIA above her in status and therefore admitted to me that the range of vocal beyond her reach. It is values such as abilities presented to them in auditions these which Zhao believes have been had restricted them somewhat. In the reshaped over time even, he suggest- confusion of following the inconsis- ed, since Guowei Du originally tent subtitles, listening to the slightly Y A 17.02.06 Arts Varsity 17 Arctic What? Maximo Who? Liz Bradshaw finds that anticipation only sets her up for disappointment at the NME Awards Tour he annual NME Awards not only during dancefloor BEN goers as the ones who got tour traditionally offers a favourites ‘Nobody Move, JONES away. Tshowcase of what, we are Nobody Get Hurt’ and ‘The It’s not Maximo Park’s fault led to believe, is among the Great Escape’ but throughout that tonight has essentially best in contemporary British the entirety of their set. They been hijacked as an Arctic music. What we are treated to might not be particularly Monkeys gig. But it is their BLATHERWICK tonight, however, reflects not original, but they are consis- fault that they give people only some of the promise of tently interesting and nothing to stick around for I haven’t been to Cindy’s and the current indie scene but entertaining. Even so, their except tired indie that clings have no desire to go, but I also much that is questionable departure is greeted with the desperately to the oh-so-stylish almost did at one point when about it. There are some great sense that now we can get on coat tails of Franz Ferdinand I agreed to go in fancy dress. moments, but with uncom- with the real event. and co. In this respect, Maximo Thankfully we never made it fortably long gaps in between The Arctic Monkeys could Park reflect the growing them. feature on one of those AOL proportion of the current crop and I’m still a Cindy’s virgin. I adverts about whether we of indie bands who only mimic once joined the queue and control the internet or the existing trends rather than add spent the next three weeks internet controls us, such are to them. Lead singer Paul pondering my own death. the ambiguities surrounding Smith is a vision in pinstripe, Whilst curiosity isn’t dragging “THE CORN their rise to fame and the dancing like a monkey on coke me headfirst into that armpit contagious hype that has built against a backdrop of what of Cambridge I’m still ponder- EXCHANGE IS up around them. With the appear to be giant flashing ing the appeal. I like to think ABOUT AS EMPTY music media so much in collu- rubix cubes. He’s Northern too, I’m not the indie snob that sion with The Arctic Monkeys’ which seems to count for a lot smug grin at the top of this AS THIS BAND’S myth, tonight offers an oppor- these days. Presumably column may suggest; but as I SOUL tunity to try and make our because Southerners are all too discovered at the end of last minds up for ourselves – and busy drowning puppies or term, I can’t really name it all starts rather promisingly. voting Tory to form bands. anyone I like who lacks a The band as a whole sound Unsurprisingly, the attempt certain credibility. Then I grittier live, and Alex Turner’s to barrage us with so many famous ‘Northern scum’- distractions that we don’t decided I really liked Sean ”The tour is more successful inflexed vocals are even more realise they’re essentially Paul’s singles and everyone in its second aim, to provide a compelling than on record. playing the same song over giggled. So Its not that I’m platform for relative With no time for delayed and over again fails. ‘Apply rejecting Cindy’s for the unknowns to reach a wider gratification, they quickly Some Pressure’, the stand-out music - I don’t actually know audience. Although launch into a tight rendition track on debut A Certain Trig- what gets played in there. So inevitably this often means of ‘I Bet That You Look Good ger, manages to get the crowd I’m not only a cultural snob, being confronted by a wall of on the Dancefloor’, sating the going, but it’s too little too I’m also more self-deprecat- indifference from die-hard desires of a lustful crowd who late. By now the Corn Maximo Park’s Paul Smith onstage at the Corn Exchange ing than I endeavour to be. fans of the headliner, impa- they know will keep coming Exchange is about as empty as Nine Black Alps play the tient with having to endure back for more. Arctic Monkeys are forced to however, even some of the this band’s soul. Junction next Tuesday, even more support bands than Not many bands would resort to uninspiring album more ardent moshers are The internet, the resurgence Green Mind promotions usual, both The Mystery Jets have the guts to play their filler more often than one reduced to toe-tapping, and of live music, the rise of the celebrate their fifth birthday and We Are Scientists cope most famous song 5 minutes would expect from a band the doubts come creeping in. indie disco and all the beauti- with The Chalets and Dive admirably well with this state into a set, but the problem is touted as the Next Big Thing. We’ll have to wait for the ful boys with guitars who Dive at Club Goo (Soul Tree) of affairs. that, however the songs are It’s not an uncommon prob- ‘difficult second album’ to inhabit it have injected British Despite having taken Pulp’s arranged, the material on their lem for a band possessed of no really assess this band’s poten- music with new life and acces- on Wednesday. Queens Ents maxim ‘Help the Aged’ to debut simply doesn’t prove back catalogue to speak of, but tial for longevity and sibility. This achievement is have Disintegration on heart, The Mystery Jets are consistently strong enough to it’s not what all the hype influence. Nevertheless, as not to be sneered at, but it does Saturday, Clare Cellars have more Dad-chic than Dad-rock, sustain them over the course would have you expect. their set comes to a close, the make it harder to separate the French turntablists and DMC full to the brim with youthful of even a relatively short set. When the band are at their Corn Exchange experiences wheat from the chaff, the World Champs C2C on enthusiasm. We Are Scientists In contrast to bands like The best tonight everyone’s having an exodus of biblical propor- Franz Ferdinands from the Friday night and on Sunday are the surprise hit of the Strokes, who had no trouble too much fun to think, and tions. These hordes are Kaiser Chiefs. Unfortunately are holding a Jazz night with evening, managing to hold the pulling off whole sets based on that’s the way it should be. destined to be remembered there’s just a little too much the Jenny Stone Trio and attention of a difficult crowd one near-perfect record, The During the slower moments, enviously by their fellow gig- chaff on display tonight. Funk Shui, the former mixing latin and jazz stan- dards, and the latter mixing Mystery Jets it up with a snaky mix of ##### The post-Brits hangover jazz and funk in curious Making Dens ways. King’s have electro- funk on Friday and Paul ing that they are not at all Michael Divaz probably didn’t enjoy James Blunt winning your average guitar outfit. t would be easy to dismiss The Brit Awards represen- to see it pick up an award. ‘Ministry of Sound’ Higgins The sound is refreshingly the Brit Awards, but tation is bizarre. Still, on the brighter side, on Saturday. Meanwhile, loose, almost lazy in places. Ithey’re treated with such Nominations for U2 and it is pleasing to see The next Thursday, Fitzwilliam’s The first few tracks appear prominence that it seems Green Day’s albums in the Arcade Fire and Kano nomi- Soundcheck is putting on as if out of a musical wilder- such a shame that they’re best international album nated and standing a the type of funk cum hip- ness - instantly likeable if seen to define a music indus- category despite them both reasonably good chance, hop indie night we’ve all not immediately definable. try. As far as I know alcohol being released in 2004 and especially Arcade Fire in the grown to cherish in The album only reaches is still banned and no-one is nominations for Dizzee international breakthrough Cambridge. So if you’ve focus during the guilt-edged going to mock Kanye for Rascal and Natasha category.I would love to see never trekked that side of After being touted, some- ‘The Boy Who Ran Away', a pretending to be Jesus (I Beddingfield, whose Kano win ahead of the town, it’ll be worth trying what unfairly, as 'this year's funky and fraught romp that can’t believe there hasn’t combined output in 2005 terminally boring Lemar and out. Cambridge City Football Magic Numbers',I discov- puts The Futureheads in been more of an outcry to amounts to one single seem Craig David, although I’m Club is the other side of ered, to my great relief, that mind. What immediately him wearing a crown of insulting to the artists eligi- not sure he’d yet win an Jesus Green and past the the only common denomi- follows is remarkable; the thorns on the front of ble who didn’t get award which is voted on by Portland Arms, but cheap nator between The Magic funereal waltz of 'Horse Rolling Stone) in the same nominated, rather than the public. Kanye’s perform- beer and minimal techno Numbers and The Mystery Drawn Cart' and the animal- way that Jarvis Cocker did to compliments to those who ance should be incredible Jets is a slightly dodgy istic funk of 'Zoo Time', Michael Jackson ten years did. The inclusion of and he’ll rightly pick up may be worth the journey for familial line-up. Far from coupled with the inharmo- ago. I’m writing this pre- Amarillo in the best single some accolades, but I get the Badger Attack! on a Friday being typically embarrassed nious dislocation that is show, you’re reading it category showed up the feeling the Brits have missed evening. by his Dad's musical taste, Making Dens. All offer a after-show, so who knows, nominations for such a cate- an opportunity by not invit- lead singer Blaine Harrison sound that is at the same but for a start there’ll only be gory which doesn’t bias ing The Arcade Fire to has allowed his old man to time ambitious and one black British artist pick- against Charity or novelty perform. Their spectacular To read more from the NME play rhythm guitar. So, eminently listenable. Old ing up an award, unless the singles. It also brightened up live show would have more Awards Tour, including an whilst The Numbers man Harrison would be Sugababes win, and it seems my life to find out that the than stunned a national TV interview with Mystery Jets, awkwardly partake in post- proud. Were he not on stage wrong to pigeonhole all Crazy Frog wasn’t a British audience that hasn’t been see www.varsity.co.uk gig sibling fumbling, with the rest of the band. black artists in the Urban invention, although it would properly introduced to their Mystery Jets are fast affirm- Patrick Galey category. have been kind of interesting music.

Most Overhyped Debut Album: Fittest Indie Boy/Girl: Flogging a Dead Horse After Just Most Unrighteous Indignation: All of them Antony (of the Johnsons) One Album Award: The Magic Numbers THE VARSITIES Kaiser Chiefs Pop Culture Hero: Most Unlikely Pop Critic: Most unlikely beneficiary of the Simon Amstell Boris Johnson The ‘We actually think you’re fact that NME have finally got quite good’ No Irony award bored with The Strokes Best Cockney Rhyming Name: The Arcade Fire Arctic Monkeys Flogging a Dead Horse Award: James Blunt Oasis 18 Varsity Arts 17.02.06 What immortal hand? Curry PHOTOGRAPHIC JET Estella Shardlow marvels at the epic ambition of William Blake, on and show in a new exhibition of ‘Jerusalem’ at the Fitzwilliam vomit old Infinity in the have been exhumed and palm of your hand, mounted as individual plates Hannah Fletcher spends a classy “H and eternity in an along the walls, whilst several night at Churchill Spring Ball hour”: arguably one of Blake’s other publications by both most famous lines; certainly Blake and his contemporaries- he highlight of my night obnoxious. They were from the best to express his limitless- including the philosopher Twas the queue for the Hull but clearly wished they ness vision. Constellations are Swedenborg and satirical bathroom. “Come on were from Sheffield. They magnified, contained within cartoonist James Gillroy- sit in girls!” screeched an over- also clearly wished they the limbs of a human figure, two central glass cabinets. weight monstrosity, oozing weren’t in Cambridge, play- men tumble like dispensable The somewhat understated out of her crime of a dress. ing to a bunch of toffs trinkets through cloudy skies. display and specific nature of “We can fit four in one cubi- pretending to be cool enough The rise and fall of mankind is the exhibition is likely to offer cle! We fit six in in Chester!” to enjoy their noise. subjectively depicted. All most to those familiar with the Stepping over the girl Less abrasive entertainment within a series of A5-sized figure of Blake or students of slumped in the corner in a was to be found in Wolfson printed plates. related fields. In fact, the drama pool of vomit, she and her Hall with a program of stand- One may have come across and impact does not really three equally hideous buddies up comedy, hypnotism and Blake’s tones in English lessons derive from looking upon the do indeed manage to fit into Bollywood movies. The on ‘Songs of Innocence and text-based pages with their one cubicle. comedy was funny; the Experience’ or ‘The Marriage of diminutive illustrations, but This was nothing compared hypnotism was funnier. Heaven and Hell’, two earlier instead from a catalysis of what to the horrors of the rest of Watching anxiously self- poetry compilations, whilst the beholder may already Churchill Spring Ball. White important ball committee many more will have sung of be suffering. Albion and they twist and merge into one know; when we see watery girls in saris, rolls of exposed members try to herd dozens “England’s green and pleasant Jerusalem are the lead roles, another, whilst the repeated orange lines we know vehe- flab jiggling as they flailed, of intoxicated revellers off the land” in church services. representing Old England and motifs of chains, flames and ment fires writhed in the sorry, belly danced. Over- aisle steps - a fire hazard - ‘Jerusalem,’ his 1804 work, his estranged female counter- winged beasts create a fantasti- artist’s mind. Perhaps an appro- excited Cambridge boys hobbling on heels, tripping on is the subject of the Fitzwilliam cal land of Gothic whimsy- part priate analogy is the genius asserting their manliness dresses as they went, was Museum’s current exhibition. apocalypse, part fairytale. professor of many a depart- shooting plastic hoops over funniest. It is difficult to distil the Blake’s beliefs are based on ment in Cambridge. The finer bottles at the arcade, desper- This review has been nega- complex, often contradictory opposites. A figure morphing points of quantum physics are ate to present their fawning tive. Perhaps unfairly so. The views expressed in it into a “ from ‘innocence’ to ‘experi- tediously easy to him but light- girlfriends with a pink fluffy Bollywood theme was synopsis, just as one cannot CAN ONE REALLY ence’ rises up Plate 47’s side. hearted banter or just acting unicorn. Red-faced, sweaty, inspired, making any tacki- simply deem Blake a painter, FATHOM THE Similarly, Plate 9 divides an ‘normally’ are flummoxing. In oaf-like students everywhere, ness absolutely appropriate; engraver or poet - he was all idyllic pastoral scene above the other words, Blake does not determined to get their the alcopops were never these and more. But the over- NOTION OF ALL text with the biblical and cannot succeed in depict- money’s worth in food, drink ending; valiant attempts were all theme is his concern over TIME AND SPACE Temptation beneath. This ing what was inside his vast- and fun, godamit, fun. made to prettify the red bricks the state of England, as in his imparts a sense of childish some said deranged - imagina- Admittedly, I don’t like of Churchill; and all credit to eyes. church, government and CONTAINED IN A naivety upon the collection, as tion in a technically accurate balls. I also don’t like curry, the genius who hired the society were becoming corrupt. GRAIN OF SAND? if he has not yet learnt that and convincing manner. After which unfortunately was all demon ferris wheel. Amongst his tiny scrawled things do not only fall into all, how can one really fathom that was on offer (apart from Deceptively tame-looking, writing Blake attempts to bring black or white and good or evil. the notion of all time and space cubes of cheddar cheese, each cage in fact rotated 360 the characters and concepts he The atmospheric calm and contained in “a grain of sand”? white rolls and tortilla chips). degrees. Should you wish. writes about to life. The major- low lighting in the Shiba room Well Blake could, of course, but On the plus side, the curry, Most males did. Most of their ity of his prints are lends itself to the display of in this case it is images, not brought in from a London female companions didn’t. relief-etchings with additional ”part, respectively. Blake himself intricate, illustrative items, words, which fail him. take away, ran out at 10:30. The sound of their screams engraving and watercolouring. crops up as Los, a creator and having previously hosted the Apparently it was quite nice mingled with the pungent An entire cast seems to have bardic figure often disguised as reclaimed Macclesfield Psalter though. odour of vomit, sweat and been devised to symbolise the a night watchman. Their forms manuscript last term. The first The main music act, The curry. All-in-all it was a thor- strife he believed his nation to appear dainty and languid as four chapters of Jerusalem www.fitzmuseum.cam.ac.uk Paddingtons, was loud and oughly enjoyable affair.

Careers Service

Keen to stay in Cambridge? CAM CONNECT 2006

Wednesday 22 February 2006, 3-6pm

Judge Business School

A careers event for undergraduates, postgraduates, MBAs and post-docs

Meet a range of local employers offering technical and non-technical opportunities Details on the Careers Service website www.careers.cam.ac.uk To date: Analysys Mason Group; ARM; Autonomy Systems Ltd; Cambridge Consultants Limited; Cambridge Healthcare & Biotech; Cametrics Ltd; CSR (Cambridge Silicon Radio); Ember; Innovia Technology; Jagex Limited; Library House; P A Consulting Group; Sentec Ltd; Transart Educational Marketing ; TTP Group plc; TTPCom Ltd; Ultra Electronics Controls Division 17.02.06 Theatre Varsity 19 View from For One Winter’s Night the gods

Natalie Woolman has already The Varsity Elect Pass Judgement, booked her ticket with Nico Phillips to The Calvino & Ed Blain Project o many, Valentine’s Day means love, candlelight, Tmusic, and tasteless cards from people you’d rather ignore. But we theatre gods ne entirely original music explaining the thrilled responses of decided to return to a more score. Two directors. Four of Arts talent in Cambridge finally being unpleasant, religious age, when OItalo Calvino’s fairytales. 44 given free reign to invent and inno- the day remembered the grue- actors, designers, dancers, musicians vate. some martyrdom of the and architects. This is The Calvino The Calvino Project is being staged in eponymous saint. And so we Project, on for one night, and one “ the Cambridge Union, the choice of found ourselves sitting through night only, this Friday at the which may strike some as slightly five hours of war, murder, Cambridge Union. incongruous: is it possible to create disfigurement, and corruption One half of the directorial team, the magic of a fairytale in a chamber with nary a scrap of romance. Martha Spurrier, describes the show IS IT POSSIBLE- consciously designed to resemble the The company of The as “the most exciting thing I’ve done Houses of Parliament? Spurrier Drowned World claimed to here”, and, as she and the other TO CREATE THE explains how they were greatly show us some of the best writ- director Jenny Lee introduce me to attracted by to the old, beautiful and ing of the decade. Largely they some of the puppets they use in the MAGIC OF A traditional aspects of the building, succeed, presenting the script, show and describe their inspiration, I which they felt to be totally in keep- beautiful and powerful, with a cannot help but share in their enthu- FAIRYTALE IN A ing with Calvino’s work. With all the delicate touch. The dramatic siasm for what promises to be an effort and ideas that have been juxtaposition of citizen and incredible night of Cambridge CHAMBER lovingly woven together in the non-citizen in this dystopian theatre. Project, it is impossible not to wonder world is neatly done, allowing The creation of the Project was CONSCIOUSLY why it is only being staged for one echoes from holocaust to 1984 organic: the directors provided their night. The answer is simple: it is true to resound. Love polluted, actors, dancers, technicians and musi- DESIGNED TO to Calvino. The theme of all the fairy- fetishised and violent. Rosy. cians with photocopies of Calvino’s tales is their ephemeral quality, the Careful, balanced and accom- work and let them improvise and RESEMBLE THE transcience of things we celebrate at plished. devise their individual reactions to one moment, mourn at the next; the The Corpus Playroom hosts the literature. It sounds risky, but the HOUSES OF actors will have to work with real its second company of directors assert that in somewhere flowers and the knowledge that they Valentine’s Day martyrs with with such a range of talents as PARLIAMENT? only have one shot. The directors’ The Fletcher Players’ produc- Cambridge it was the ideal opportu- aim is to “go for it and then rip it up tion of Journey’s End. Some nity to explore the possibilities and at the end.” might ask why another play boundaries of the Cambridge theatre The Calvino Project. It is one show about (ex-)public school boys scene. Contrasted with the Merry-go- that has the prospect of changing has been resurrected for the round of Cambridge theatre - Cambridge approaches to theatre. I Cambridge stage. The cast give twentieth century kitchen sink have my ticket. Get yours. it a good shot. But hampered by tragedies, innovative approaches to cuts, the play lacked the grow- Shakespeare - it is refreshing to see a The Calvino Project is on tonight at ing anticipation and rise and fall totally new concept being explored. the Cambridge Union in tension which can make it Lee and Spurrier attest to this, gripping. First night nerves, or ” a fear of going over the top? Cheero! nda Walsh's Bedbound from comical to insane. The Two in a bed at Pembroke features just two char- timing between the two New Cellars. Sounds promising. And the little one said... Eacters, a father and actors is excellent, the Only one’s a psychotic furni- daughter who are confined to language and the rhythm of ture dealer and the other, his a room. The daughter, who the play inventive and daughter, crippled by polio. Bedbound keeps Bernadette de Villiers awake suffers from polio, is a impressive. Disfigurement, literal and poignant figure attempting to The set is minimal, convey- metaphorical, keeps them retain her sanity and some ing their squalid situation Bedbound.Trapped in the four semblance of hope. The perfectly. An imperfect aspect gauzy walls of their bed, ‘stale father is a fierce, perhaps of Bedbound though is the and silent’, their monologues brutal man who throughout lack of depth illustrated in the converge and part, revealing the play reveals a dark and relationship between father two fascinating personalities. complex nature. The two and daughter. There were Romance? A recounted gay actors are Amy Gwilliam and very few times when the arse-licking and a desperate Gareth McCarter. father and daughter actually fuck. Well, if you like that sort A play such as this depends looked at each other, and of thing. Excellent. on the strength of the their relationship, or lack of The Dark Tales, a Chinese performances, and both it, could have been more musical at the ADC, gets closer actors have a clear stage pres- richly illustrated. This is the than any of this week’s produc- ence and flawlessly master responsibility of the director tions to a celebration of Irish accents. Amy Gwilliam however, and in all other romantic love, though even is masterfully expressive and regards Annabel Trew has here all ends unhappily. The could not have been better conducted a fine work in production is an endearing cast for the role; her thin bringing such a dynamic and combination of stunning musi- frame and fair complexion powerful piece to life. cal and school play. Glorious lending a sense of realism to Bedbound does have flaws - choruses are brought to earth the trapped and lonely figure a little more could have been- in a cacophony of stinging she portrays. However whilst done with the lighting, at discord. The splendidly dressed the role of the daughter is times it was a little static, the cast parade around a set that intricate and disturbed, it is relationship between the looks like a pre-school art proj- McCarter's role as the father characters could have gone ect, papier maché and that is the most challenging further. But the strengths of scrumpled cloth. Though the and complex. It is a the play should not go unno- actors’ physical comedy tran- commendable performance; ticed: this is an excellent scends language barriers, the the audience watches as piece of theatre. It deserves a subtitled translation adds its McCarter acts out scenes good audience. own laughs. Putting a line like from his past, assuming “all I want to do is study in an different identities, fighting, Bedbound is on at the academy” into a heartfelt love shouting, screaming; from Corpus Playroom until song is both funny and strange- the vicious to the profane, Saturday at 11pm ly apt in Cambridge. YOU CAN FIND FIRST NIGHT REVIEWS OF EVERY PLAY AT www.varsity.co.uk 20 Varsity Arts 17.02.06

Eastern Master of Revenge Sympathy for Lady Vengeance########## tell the backstory of her prison Ed King on the films of Park Chan-Wook: ‘the other Tarantino’ comrades. Although probably not to all t would be difficult to over- gun-wielding thugs and gy’, partly as a canny marketing violence is at its most brutal and tastes Park’s camerawork here emphasise the impact made extended choreographed fight- ploy, and partly to justify the unapologetic, divested of all the is satisfyingly kinetic, mirror- Iby Park Chan-Wook on the scenes (one-on-twenty treatment of the revenge aesthetic trappings that made ing the better parts of his release of his manga-inspired punch-ups in hotel corridors) thematic in two consecutive Oldboy’s sequences, however earlier movies, it maintains ‘technonoir’ Oldboy in 2004. there is an underlying paranoia films to Korean journalists. graphic, much more palatable. pace even in the few necessary But I’ll try. A major aspect of the that is a million miles from the The film, arguably Park’s Steady frames show close-ups scenes of exposition. marketing strategy and critical complacent pastiche of the Kill masterpiece, sets out in the of torso’s being lacerated by Yet this only emphasises the hype that has surrounded the Bill films. In interviews he cites most bleak and minimalist fash- scalpels and Achilles’ tendons abrupt shift down for the release of Park’s Sympathy for Kafka and Vertigo-era ion the essential dimensions of severed by flick knives. denouement. This does prove Lady Vengeance has been the tag Hitchcock among his influences his paranoid vision. The deaf- But it was Oldboy, with its a better format for Park to ‘the South-East Asian and these debts are easy to spot mute protagonist Ryu’s flawless set pieces and vertigi- explore the message of his film Tarantino’. One review began: as the bewildering plots entrap desperate attempts to fund his nous narrative frame, which and gives both Lee Young-ae “Quentin Tarantino doesn’t Park’s heroes, and the spectator, sister’s kidney transplant drive really established Park at the and Oldboy’s Choi Min-sik make nearly enough movies. in webs of events whose mean- him to kidnap his boss’s daugh- pioneering edge of world space to let their understated Thank heavens for Park Chan- ing remains forever beyond commercial cinema. With performances shine. It also Wook.” And yet the similarities their understanding. Oldboy, Park began once more allows an emotional reso- are superficial; Park has consis- Park’s first huge commercial to court a mainstream interna- nance untouched upon in the tently proved himself to be far success in Korea, JSA: Joint tional audience, whilst likes of Oldboy to come to the more than the mere purveyor Security Area, narrates the “ maintaining his standing with fore and shows Park to be a of stylised block- impossible friendship between the critics. Oh Dae-Su a director capable of substance buster violence. North and South Korean HE CRANES HIS disgruntled middle aged office as well as style. Likewise, the Beneath soldiers in the demilitarized NECK TO READ worker is kidnapped after a ady Vengeance is a film of camera seems considerably the façade zone and whose fates are irre- THE NOTE drunken night and imprisoned. two halves. The first more grounded in this half of hip, be- sistibly dictated by forces After fifteen years of solitude Lfizzes with vitality and and we are allowed to take in suited, beyond their control. But this KNIFED TO HIS and escalating madness, he is visual panache. The second is the inherent, yet never gratu- theme of powerless- released, determined to track leaden with moral message itous, violence. ness was used to CHEST down his jailer. What he finds and, in its concern with It is only unfortunate that greater effect in instead, in true noir style, are exploring the soul-destroying we are promised pace and Sympathy for Mr his own crimes and their grue- nature of revenge, forgets to excitement by the first half Vengeance some consequences. be entertaining. which the second fails to released two But perhaps the essential Revolving around the deliver. As the direction is years later ”ter. When the kidnapping goes image of Park’s cinema, the eponymous Lady (Lee Young- taken up by the need to and retro- wrong and the daughter dies irreducible end point of his ae), the story follows her explore issues the story spectively Ryu is faced with the full force characters’ struggles, is release from prison (for a becomes confused and the named of her father’s vengeance. The provided by the closing sentence she was forced to decision to shun the graphic the strength of the movie is in its moments of Sympathy for Mr serve to save her daughter’s violence as an exercise in first in a even-handed portrayal of the Vengeance. Park Dong-jing, life) and her subsequent quest moderation actually detracts ‘revenge two protagonists’ situations, slumped against a car as his for revenge. This quest reach- from the horror of the final trilo- making us reluctant to place killers drive away, cranes his es its climax around the one scenes. our empathies on the side of neck to read the note knifed hour mark and decides hence- Overall this is a good film, either one. The resulting effect to his chest that might just forth to sadistically dwell on which will consolidate Park’s is an intuition of the meaning- explain the reason for his the final confrontation. reputation as one of Asia’s lessness of the impulses that violent death, the victim of To its credit, the first half most promising filmmakers, drive the film’s revenge opaque and elusive networks really is a joy to watch. It has but it is difficult to recommend narrative. Sympathy for of power and chance. a punky, careless attitude, when Hollywood has recently Mr Vengeance has none of Whatever you think of Lady reminiscent of the 70’s produced better films both the baroque stylistic Vengeance, Park’s next project, exploitation era, and constant stylistically (Kill Bill) and imprint that has come to char- as dubious as it sounds (a flashbacks recounting the thematically (A History of acterise his later films, a romantic comedy entitled Lady’s time in prison. A few Violence). Interesting but not reason perhaps for its relative (I’m A Cyborg But That’s Okay) further flashbacks, deliciously essential. failure in the box office. The should be eagerly awaited. laced with black humour, also Sam Law

Granddaughter of author Roald when I felt anything but. When I was Dahl, Sophie Dahl is an Who were your heroes? Rameau boy! international model. Campaigns Winston Churchill, Oprah include the infamous Yves Saint Winfrey, Roddy Doyle, Dolly Laurent's Opium advert, which Parton. The Incas’ opera proves to be solid gold was banned by the British Advertising Standards Agency. Who were you in love Her first book, The Man With with? A lovely boy called xplosive and enthralling, Sells' Huascar was undoubted- 21 the Dancing Eyes, is “an old- Tarquin. a packed West Road ly a feather in his fashioned romance for a What did you keep secret EConcert Hall sat trans- ever-expanding cap of operatic modern-day world”. Sophie from your parents? I don't fixed as James Halliday roles. Gerald Beatty’s Carlos Dahl lives in New York. think anything. presided over a performance of was well-judged, though I was Sophie Dahl Les Incas du Pérou, an act of rather puzzled by his costume; What music did you listen In what year were you 21 to? Lauryn Hill. the opera Les Indes Galantes, Rameau’s delicate orchestra- and what were you doing? with such flair, passion and tion did not have the heavy 1998. I had been modeling What was the most rebel- integrity, that it left your clump of his Doc Martens in for three years. lious thing you did? I did reviewer frantically seeking out mind. not have much to rebel as much Rameau as he could This operatic delight was Where did you live? I had a against. (Permissive get his hands on. This was a preceded by a recital of cottage in Battersea which I parents.) performance to convince even Baroque Sonatas given by owned. Where had you travelled the most ardent of sceptics that David Irving (violin) Emily How did you celebrate to? Australia, India, Africa, Baroque opera is stimulating, Smith (cello) and James your 21st birthday? I had a America, Hawaii, all over exciting and enjoyable; this was McVinnie (harpsichord). Their party at the Berkeley Europe. a performance to treasure, for coordination, particularly in Playhouse , with break- it is unlikely to be ever equalled the Handel Sonata in D minor, dancers. Out of the two What are you ashamed of by any student band. was outstanding, the first hundred or so people there, having done? Nothing I Everything about this Allegro movement a clear high- I actually knew about ten. would share. production (semi-staged, of the piece, and responding light. James McVinnie's What was your favourite What did you believe in? although I remain to be well to the array of percussion account of the Concerto in D Honesty and ghosts. convinced about the 'semi'-ness which Rameau deploys; major for harpsichord by J. S. outfit? A very bosomy Dolce of it!) was totally convincing – certainly my attention was Bach was mesmerizing, the and Gabbana dress. What was your most politi- especially the ballet sequences held. repeated chords of the Who was your best friend? cal action? Nursing a which can cause even the most The three lead roles were Larghetto expertly deployed, I had a few, the same since fondness for Bill Clinton. distinguished of modern direc- beautifully sung and acted. For resisting the harpsichord's school, same now. What made you cry? Other tors severe headaches. me, Katy Watson shone, her more percussive qualities. What were your illegal people's loneliness, taxes, Rameau's work represents the beautiful, limpid tone in her This was a truly outstanding rejection. genre of opéra-ballets, made up aria to Hymen just one reason concert. Cambridge's finest activities? They had all of short contrasing acts which among many to commend this student musicians joined ceased by the time I was What did you hope to be? as Halliday suggests, were performance. Her portrayal of together to perform neglected twenty. A writer, a mother, bread- designed for 'a more demand- feminine fragility in the face of masterpieces of the Baroque What was your most maker and chicken keeper. ing audience with a short the oft over-bearing Jonathan canon. Totally convincing, prized possession? My What do you wish you had attention span'. Would it be so Sells was utterly compelling, totally enjoyable, I left feeling grandmother’s wedding ring. known then that you know cruel to describe a Friday-night and her union with Carlos this was the best thing I had What were you afraid of? now? That puppy fat really Cambridge audience thus? touching. Sells was outstand- seen in Cambridge so far, and Not having enough money to does go. Heartache abates, Perhaps not, but Francesca ing, a performance of such following the CUCO concert pay my mortgage. and most bad behaviour is Harris' choreography was capti- stature to rank alongside his two weeks ago that is high forgiven. vating, complementing the Trulove last year, and I eagerly praise indeed. What made you angry? often strong rhythmic impetus await his Count Almaviva. Francis Letschka Having to be grown-up Emily Stokes 17.02.06 Arts Varsity 21 Knowledge of Authors Salman Shaheen talks to Cambridge resident Jill Paton Walsh, author of the Booker Prize finalist, Knowledge of Angels, and rekindles his own literary spark STREET BEATS LUTAIN MILLI ILLUSTRATION: n a clear day in winter you can “You don’t need a law that stops before very casually mentioning that DJ SKETCHY & DJ RIP see the turrets of Jesus from her people laughing or showing the “they were called C.S Lewis and J.R.R. Owindow. Just a stone's throw prophet Muhammad in a turban.” Tolkien.” No one famous then. She Once again we bring you our from my college, I must have walked These are, of course, issues of the herself began her career as a children’s fortnightly offering of news, that path a dozen times or more with- modern world, but she gives a very writer, and when tutored by those two views and reviews on all out ever realising that I was walking convincing reason as to why her book towers of children’s fiction, “It past the house of not only a Booker should be set in the past. “It’s easier to appeared to me perfectly compatible things urban. MACDONALD BBC R1’s Desi Beats Prize finalist, Whitbread winner, transport a modern person backwards with high culture.” champions, Bobby Friction Commander of the British Empire and in time, so that the same collision of She has since progressed, however, and Nihal hit Churchill Ball wife of a former Varsity editor, but also ideas is transposed into the past. People a decision that “was really forced on on Friday in some style. This one of my favourite authors. It's not will read about the past without their me because my children had grown up charismatic double act not often one gets to meet one's heroes in guard up. The golden atheist has to and I lost it. I moved on to adult writ- only delivered a set full of the the world of literature, Jill Paton Walsh arrive in an isolated place, which is still ing, straight literary writing first. When biggest Bollywood and reminded me, as most of them are practicing a very traditional, authori- that became very difficult I began to bhangra beats. Most impres- dead. But in some senses, I like to tarian form of nonsense.” write detective stories as a sideline.” sive was their diverse think, our meeting was fated. She Jill Paton Walsh is, however, no She was famously invited to complete selection of Asian influenced wrote a book inspired by Salman stranger to faith. She was raised a Dorothy L. Sayers’ final, unfinished, breaks and dubstep. Rushdie, and I was named after him. devout Catholic, but perhaps it could novel featuring Lord Peter Wimsey, Saturday saw Warning Knowledge of Angels, the book for be said that in losing her faith she Thrones, Dominations. However Jill return to the Junction, and which Jill Paton Walsh is best known, gained far more in terms of literary Paton Walsh has her own detective boy, it was a monster. With a is a fable that grew from her outrage inspiration, as her novel Lapsing, may heroine, Imogen Quy, the protagonist reputation as one of leading at the fatwah on Rushdie, and deals be a testament to. As a writer, she says, of her latest novel, Debts of Dishonour, D’n’B nights in the country, we with the religious intolerance of a “you have to have something to go on, to be published later this month. A saw Ed Rush and Optical, small Christian island community of and in the end it has to be your own town girl, working for a fictitious Subfocus and the big man the past. For me, the themes discussed life experience.” As for faith, well “you Cambridge college, Imogen “bridges himself, Andy C, absolutely within the book have never been more the town and gown gap. It’s not smash up the dance. relevant nor more dangerous, as a ‘war Cambridge as I really see it, it’s an Last week saw a tragic on terror’ rages and Muslims take to imaginary Cambridge, derived from loss for the hip-hop world. the streets to protest the now infamous the past. A framework, a bit like the Respected producer J Dilla, cartoons depicting Muhammad. But “ island.” For Jill Paton Walsh, aka Jay Dee, passed away would she have done anything differ- THE FRUIT ON THE Cambridge is like a “little Noah’s Ark, at his home in Los Angeles, ently? “No,” she says, “That book, TREE OF THE GARDEN floating in a huge flood of anti-civilised aged 32; he was suffering which I think is the one I was born to values. A precious little ship, which from lupus. He worked with write, contains my very carefully OF EDEN SHOULDN’T carried a civilisation of the past the likes of A Tribe Called considered and lifelong belief about HAVE BEEN CALLED forward into the future. It cannot Quest, Common & De La the conflict between faith and possibly be regarded as a sensible Soul and influenced Kanye unfaith.” KNOWLEDGE, IT modern view, so it’s a suitable thing to West & Pharrell. It is important for us, when register- SHOULD HAVE BEEN put into fiction.” Out on Feb 13 was Life’s ing our horror at the Muslim protests, A few weeks ago, I attended a talk second solo album on Zebra to remember our own past. “I think a CALLED CERTAINTY given by Zadie Smith at King’s, in Traffic Records. A regular devout Christian has much more in which she said that she would rather performer at Cambridge common with a devout Muslim than give up writing than give up reading. college ents, Life’s flow is either of them has with an atheist,” she Putting this choice to Jill Paton definitely something to check argues, “The Rushdie affair blew up, Walsh, I cast a glance at her extensive if you’re unfamiliar. and the papers were full of stuff about shelves, overflowing with books, and how insufferably intolerant Islam was, ”can’t understand it if you’ve never had already know the answer. She says, The rise of dubstep has really taken us by storm over and how Christianity wasn’t like that. it. I hope my book did not attack faith. “Reading is like breathing,”. the past few months. Having Until the day before yesterday The problem is certainty beyond the Thankfully this is not a choice she has progressed out of grime, but Christianity was like that. The last available evidence. The fruit on the to make, and she says that she will person to burn in Europe for heresy tree of the Garden of Eden shouldn’t continue writing “as long as I can sit taking influences from two- th step, breaks, jungle and even was in the early 19 century.” This is have been called knowledge, it should up. It’s a bit addictive, you should be metal, it is by far the most the reality of her fictitious setting, and have been called certainty. And God warned.” progressive form of stoner it is here that I am honoured by the proscribed it because he’s the only But it's already too late for me. It is music we have heard in a revelation of a hitherto untold story, person who can handle it. Human snowing just a little by the time I begin long time. Currently champi- “There’s a list in Cambridge University beings can’t handle it. It’s the the short walk back to Jesus, but I am oned by BBC R1’s Mary Library, of the people burnt for heresy Knowledge of Angels.” warmed by a fire within me that an Anne Hobbs, it’s definitely on Mallorca in the Middle Ages. And They say you should never meet author, whom I greatly admire, has something not to miss. Watch the name of every character in that your heroes, because they will always stoked. I cover the ground across out for producers Digital book is formed from that list. That’s a disappoint you. But when such finely Midsummer Common with haste. Mystikz and Loefah, sort of quiet tribute to the victims.” crafted metaphors are slipped so easily There’s no time to lose. I have a novel Skream, Distance, Kode9 It came as no surprise, then, to learn into conversation, it’s hard not to be to write. and Vex’d. that Jill Paton Walsh is strongly against inspired. As for Jill Paton Walsh, who King’s brings you its own a law banning the incitement to reli- were her first influences? “The profes- dubstep night on Friday gious hatred, and it is here she finds a sors of English at Oxford when I was February 24, and for those of passion that needs no god to evoke. an undergraduate there,” she says, www.greenbay.co.uk you who enjoy it, make it down to DMZ at Third Bass, Brixton, on March 4 - the “I, I’m leaving now…” mother. I shrugged down into took out a cigarette and lineup is enormous, as is the my chair, gazing at the black slipped it into my mouth and sound system, and it looks And I was walking, dragging and white, black and flicked the lighter. The burn- set to be a seminal night in tablecloth after tablecloth, white…if everything were so ing soothed my angst that was the short history of this form silver spoons, flowers and simple. coiling up inside me. I turned of music. Saturday 18th straws falling to the floor, “Excuse me? I dropped my to the counter, breathed out March also sees German crashing, tumbling, crying. I pen. I believe it rolled under my last and ordered a black breakcore/ grime producer stood in the doorway, and your chair.” Her voice was coffee. She would be sitting and DJ Versus One hit the waited. My shoes felt stiff, my sweet with a peculiarly distant there, waiting, a friendly face Boiler Room. collar was tight and the feel- elegance. to return. I gripped tightly to Clare Cellars once again ing of claustrophobia grated Imogene, her name was the carriage counter as the bring something fresh this on me. Oscar crossed my path Imogene: her grandmother’s train turned. My stomach Friday. French DJ crew C2C It’s all got too much for Harriet Bradshaw as The and winced. His glaring eyes name. And these “delightful began to twist and curl. (3 x World DMC Team following me as he pawed smile, those sharp eyes. children” were her brother’s: “That’s one fifty then Champs) hit Cellars as part Archipelago takes another The train left at ten o’clock, bizarre twist. If you have a across the red carpet into a she was taking them out for please.” of their UK tour. With four darkened crevice beneath the there was a family sitting in the day. Her eyes were green, I fumbled and opened my DJs on four turntables this creative streak send us the the dusty seats that had not next 400 words to litera- table. The room was left with pools of natural light and deli- wallet: her face dropped to the promises to be quite a show. angry mutters and swearing, escaped the “classy” styles of cate presence. counter, a self-assured smile [email protected] by February the seventies. Tea was poured; 16th and see it printed here. scoffing under breath. I felt a fool, the collar tight- glowering up at me from her Catch Sketchy & Rip at She remained in my head packets of sandwiches, crisps ened; I was drawing short of tiny, passport sized stage. The Urbanite every Thursday @ that afternoon, laughing at and sweets were devoured. I breath. Big red letters and that nauseous smell of rich coffee The Soul Tree, Sat Feb 18 me, frightful laughter that sat and read the business brash sign: the carriage was and toasted sandwiches was at John’s Boiler Room and bleeds you dry, stone cold, supplement, avoiding eye non-smoking. My sin. thumping, coins splashing to Fri Feb 24 @ Kings’ Cellars falling from grace. Her picture, contact at all cost as they I excused myself and the floor. I was falling… I must escape that self-assured played “eye-spy” with their walked to the dining cart. I Darkness… 22 Varsity Advertisement 17.02.06 17.02.06 Arts Varsity 23 Pick of the Week The essential events of the next seven days... and the best of the rest

Measure for Singin’ in the The Third The Marriage of Princess The Libertine Measure Rain Policeman Mononoke Figaro In this highbrow block- By William Shakespeare. By Richard Rogers et al. By Flann O’Brien. A new Hayao Miyazaki’s epic buster Johnny Depp is Earl adaptation of the cult novel By W.A. Mozart. Cambridge Shakespeare's funniest Cambridge University University Opera Society predates Spirited Away by 5 of Rochester, the most comedy is given a facelift, Musical Theatre Society brings devilish policemen, years. The epic and bloody debauched member of human velocipedes and marks Mozart's 250th squeezed into stilettos, and presents one of the all- anniversary with a grand clash of mythical forces in Charles II’s court, and its thrust onto the ADC stage time greatest musicals, a eccentric philosophy to the a forest world would trau- best poet. He drinks his way stage. Murder mystery. and sparkling production of in an awe-inspiring tidal satire of twenties The Marriage of Figaro, one matise kids and will to an early grave, earning wave of karaoke, pornogra- Hollywood. When talkies Hilarious comedy. Romantic probably turn you into a posthumous acclaim. love. Village policemen, and of the composer's best loved phy, electro-punk, and come to town, the silent operas. Unmissable. weeping mess. Everything we secretly want singing nuns. stars face tough choices. lots and lots of bicycles. to be, but can’t because of like, essays and stuff. ADC Theatre, 7.45pm, Tue 21st- Cambridge Arts Theatre, Sat 25th Feb £5/£7 (Tue-Thu 7.45pm, Tue 21st - Sat 25th Feb ADC Theatre, 11pm, Wed 22nd- West Road Concert Hall, 8pm Robinson, 6pm and 9pm, Sun 19 £10/£15/£20 (Tue-Sat), £10/15 Sat 25th Feb £4/£3 (Wed & Wed 22nd - Sat 25th Feb £4 - Picturehouse, all week and Sat matinee, £6/£8 (Fri-Sat) Feb, £3 (Thu) Thurs), £4/£5 (Fri & Sat) £18

The Calvino Project The Father Arts Picturehouse Open Hearts (15): 13:30 Proof (12A): 16:15, 18:20 Hom-Proms 2006 Question the Union The dark wood debating By August Strinberg. Male chamber comes alive with a Friday 17th February The Libertine (18): 16:40 An exciting celebration of Sarah Pobereskin, President dominance and female Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): British music, featuring many of the Cambridge Union night including DJs, weaknesses collide in a 12:30, 14:40, 19:00, 21:20 Wednesday 22nd February Last Night of the Proms clas- Society takes your questions on dancers, sopranos, and the Hidden (15): 12:00, 16:40, 20:30 Avant Garde: Film as Personal bitter domestic battle. Expression (): 13:00 sics, including Elgar, Walton, ‘The Union: A Progressive or odd actor as well. Ideas Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (15): 23:10 Arne, Parry, Vaughan Williams Regressive Institution?’. Right from around the world fuse People shout, people cry, Lady Vengeance (18): 16:20, 18:45 Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): in the telling of the great and everyone leaves feeling Me and You and Everyone We Know 11:00, 14:40, 19:00, 21:20 and more. Free drinks, nibbles on the chin. Go accountability! Italian author’s stories. really depressed. (15): 22:50 Hidden (Cache) (15): 16:40, 20:30 and flags provided. Indulge Keynes Hall, King’s, Tue 21 Proof (12A): 14:10, 16:15, 18:20 Lady Vengeance (18): 16:20, 18:45 your hidden bourgeois national- Feb, 8pm (below right) Tues 21st - Sat 25th Feb, 7pm, The Libertine (18): 21:30 Proof (12A): 11:00, 16:15, 18:20 ism. Fri 17th Feb, 8pm, Cambridge Corpus Christi Playroom, £4 The Libertine (18): 21:10 Homerton College Great Hall, Richard Evans Union, £6/£8 Saturday 18th February £4 adv / £6 door, Sun 19 Feb The great historian of modern Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): Thursday 23rd February Beautiful Child 12:30, 14:40, 19:00, 21:20 Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): To prebook email Germany gives a talk to the Hidden (15): 12:00, 16:40, 20:30 12:30, 14:40, 19:20, 21:20 [email protected] Girton History Society entitled By Nicky Silver. What Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (15): Late Show Hidden (Cache) (15): 14:00 “The Third Reich in Power: happens when you love the 23:10 Lady Vengeance (18): 16:20, 18:45 Coercion and Consent in Nazi Lady Vengeance (18): 16:20, 18:45 Proof (12A): 12:00, 16:10, 20:30 Champagne Concert forbidden? A 39-year-old The Bitter Tears Of Petra Von Kant Germany”. Me and You and Everyone We Know Music to celebrate John Piper’s Stanley Library, Girton falls for a kid and finds out. (15): 22:50 (18): 17:00 window in Robinson College Tue 21st - Sat 25th Feb, 9.15pm, Proof (12A): 14:10, 16:15, 18:20 The Libertine (18): 21:10 College, free entry, Mon 20 Chapel- accompanied by a Feb, 8pm Corpus Playroom, £4/£5.50 The Libertine (18): 21:30 College Films luxurious meal in the College’s Sunday 19th February Great Hall. Decadent, but funds Starting at Zero: Black Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): Caius will go to the development Lights, Camera, Improv! 14:40, 16:50, 19:00, 21:20 Batman Begins (12) office. Mountain College People are trying to be funny Hidden (Cache) (15): 12:00, 20:30 Fri 17 Feb, 20.30 Robinson College Chapel, Founded as an artistic counter Lady Vengeance (18): 16:20, 18:45 The Edukators (15) to the rise of Fascism and the on stage. Will they succeed? Wed 22 Feb, 20.30 £25, Thu 9 Mar Me & You & Everyone We Know (15): To book phone 01223 339 036 death of the imagination, in its You decide, as audience 12:00 24 years (1933-57) Black suggestions determine the Proof (12A): 14:10, 16:15, 18:20 Christ’s Mountain attracted an incredi- The Libertine (18): 21:30 Napoleon Dynamite (PG) course of the night. Sun 19 Feb, 20.00. 22.30 Oleg Gordievsky ble range of international talent. Tues 21st Feb, 11pm, ADC, £3/4 Rocky Horror Picture Show (15) was a KGB colonel stationed in Willem de Kooning, Monday 20th February London. In 1974 he defected Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): Thu 23 Feb, 22.00 Buckminster Fuller and John 12:30, 14:40, 19:00, 21:20 and began work for the Secret Cage all lived there. Kettle’s The Bacchae Hidden (15): 12:00, 16:40, 20:30 Robinson Intelligence Service. The man Yard commemorate. Lady Vengeance (18): 16:20, 18:45 Princess Mononoke (PG) who was arguably British intelli- By Euripides. Greek drama Sun 19 Feb, 18.00, 21.00 Kettles Yard, free entry, until Proof (12A): 14:10, 16:15, 18:20 gence’s most important asset 2 April gets updated to the nine- The Libertine (18): 21:10 Dirty Dancing (15) Thu 23 Feb, 21.00 for a decade speaks to the teenth century. 'The Tickets (15): 21:10 Peterhouse Political Society Bacchae' is an ancient Recharge Tuesday 21st February St. John’s about post-Soviet Russia and Free massages at the GU. It’s a horrorshow of sex, violence Good Night, And Good Luck. (PG): Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the dodges socialist eggs. grad life. and revenge. Tragic. 12:30, 14:40, 19:00, 21:20 Were-Rabbit (U) The Lubbock Room, Sun 19 Feb, 19.00, 22.00 Graduate Union, 3-7pm, Fri 17 Sun 26th Feb - Wed 1st March, Hidden (Cache) (15): 20:30 Peterhouse, Mon 20 Feb 3.30 Feb Lady Vengeance (18): 16:20 Hotel Rwanda (12) pm 7.30pm, School of Pythagoras, £4 Morvern Callar (15): 21:15 Thu 23 Feb 21.00 stage screen events

Fez Fridays Disintegration Sunday Roast Fat Poppadaddys Unique Rumboogie International new, eclectic, expensive live bands tba + the weekend stops eclectic, sweaty LBG night OH GOD Student Night 9-3, £6/£5 with flyer indie/electro DJs here and so does your 9-3, £3/4 9.30-2, £4 9-2, £4/5 na zdravje! The Fez Club 9-12.45, £4 dignity The Fez Club Life Ballare 9-2 £4 Queens’ 9-2, £4 Ballare Clare Cellars Life International Ebonics Dive Dive at Club DMC World Team The Visions Student Night r’n’b, hip hop and Goo Soundcheck Champs + DJs - weey The Modal Monks + Songs in the Dark pohjanmaan kautta! dancehall by DJ with The Resistance ft. various DJs incl Fat 9-12.30, £3/£4 Hamfatter Atmospheric. Music, 9.30-2, £5 Kayper and MC Inja solid new wave indie Poppadaddys Clare Cellars worth seeing poetry, jokes Life 9.30-3, £2/4 8-3, £3/4 9-1.30, £7 adv / £9 door 8pm, £4 9pm, £3/4 Fez The Soultree Fitzwilliam College Generator The Man on the Moon Clown’s Cafe R*E*P*E*A*T indie/electro, but really, Alpha Road + Pilots of Acoustic night Bands at the Urbanite just indie. Surprisingly Fly Jazz at Clare the Sixth + Ascendia + in a cosy Italian Portland is killing Cambridge good. Quality house beats The Jenny Stone Trio + Numlocq restaurant Me Against the World 9-3 £3 9-2.30, £3 with Paul Higgins and Funk Shui 8pm, £3 9pm, £2 + The Hope + 6 Ways The Soul Tree Kambar Gurpy restrained rutting The Portland Arms Kamis from Sunday + Papa 10-12.45, £2 9pm, £3/4 Shango SCA Battle of the Plastic 2 King’s Cellars Clare Cellars Acoustic night Bands at the 8pm, £4 Bands electro-sharp sound- Michael Gormley + Portland The Portland Arms Little Alien headlining + waves with a hint of Get Down Crew + Dave’s Cousin’s Band Something about Dave competitors reggae rock, Reunion + Recoil oh no + A Boy Called Hero 8pm, free entry apparently. Back from Berlin. 8pm, £3 8pm, £4 Newnham Bar 10-12.45, £2 9-1, £3 Cellar Bar 8 The Portland Arms King’s Cellars fri satBoiler Room, St John’s sun mon tue wed thu 24 Varsity Box Ads 17.02.06

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Women’s Lacrosse Women Gymnasts leap to Victory CAMBRIDGE 12 BRISTOL 1 But there’s more disappointment for Cambridge men in Varsity battle L to the judges who were to COLE YDIA first place in the women’s WITH THEIR Varsity match Lydia Cole decide the outcome of this, individual competition. She looming ever closer, the Blues the most important event of proved a fantastic secret Lacrosse Team had a lot to the Cambridge gymnasts’ weapon Club captain Claire prove. Their last league OXFORD OVERALL calandar. After a hard year’s Nixon (third year SPS, match, and indeed one of the training the light blue side Homerton) also showed few matches left before they WINNERS knew they were a stronger excellent flair on the bars and pace out on to the pitch team than ever before, so as a result triumphantly against Oxford on the 4th of FEBRUARY 12 witnessed an they commenced battle with gained the bronze medal. March, it was crucial that the event almost unheard of in some confidence. Oxford’s Captain, Faye result was good enough to Varsity gymnastics’ history: The morning was divided Cadnam, deservedly took secure a high place in the the magnificent Cambridge into the men’s and women’s silver for her stunning league, and affirm their confi- women won their Varsity competitions, running along- performance, including a dence for Varsity. team competition against the side each other on different near-faultless floor routine. The Blues travelled to Oxford Dark Blues. apparatus. The men compet- Marianne Chilvers (PGCE, Bristol to face a team to This year’s competition ed on floor, vault, pommels, Homerton) excited the whom they had lost disap- was held in Marriott’s parallel bars, rings and high crowd with her energetic and pointingly last term. They gymnasium, Stevenage. The bar, performing some amaz- beautiful dance on the floor knew the match had the Dark Blues took a while to ing moves and displaying and Laura Gardner (third potential to be a tough one, get to the battle ground, outstanding body control. year Medic, Trinity Hall) and that the Bristol side having become lost in the Their competition was a close performed as elegantly as would step out assured by run fight between our ever in her routine. Helen their previous result. The “Outstanding Commonwealth athlete, Chambers (second year match began with centre Alex Hedges (first-year Natsci Natsci, Churchill) did a Tanya Glanville-Wallis effort, at Fitzwilliam) and his magnificent job on all four unusually not taking the ball Huntingdon training partner apparatus, and Lydia Cole immediately from the centre considerable representing Oxford, Matt (third year Natsci, Trinity) in draw, and for the first few Bullimore. Hedges rose to the her role as team reserve minutes possession stayed guts and solid challenge, performing with- helped the judges set the mainly with Bristol’s attacks. out fault in condensed level of scoring with her Eventually the ball was recov- coaching” versions of his routines at the start of each ered by the Cambridge Commonwealth routines, piece. defence and fed smoothly up depths of Stevenage housing and gained the individual Ashley Tran performed particularly strongly against Oxford It was a wonderful day’s the pitch, exactly in the way estate, but when they even- men’s gold medal. Bullimore competition with excellent the team had been rehears- tually arrived they looked as took second place, while year engineer, Robinson) a whole were disappointing- effort from all participants ing. Things were improving, fierce as ever. Nevertheless, third also went Oxford’s way. and James Watson (second- ly placed second overall. and very high quality and using the set play they several new faces were noted All three medallists year engineer, Selwyn) only The women’s competition performances. The club as a had planned, a goal quickly in their team and their performed to a very high took up gymnastics mid- was equally exciting, with whole has greatly benefited came, with the ball being numbers had dwindled in standard, demonstrating the Michaelmas, but similarly some beautiful routines on from having such talented flicked deftly into the bottom comparison to last year’s considerable quality of pulled out all the stops. floor, beam, bars and vault. gymnasts this year and the corner by Tanya – a goal that competition. Following a Oxbridge’s best gymnasts. Outstanding effort, consider- Ashley Tran (MIT exchange hope is that there will be was a necessary boost to warm-up, which gave the As well as featuring able guts and some solid student at New Hall) gave more to replace them in the psych up both player and Cambridge team a chance to seasoned professionals, a coaching from Hedges in the Oxford a real shock with her future, maintaining if not team. From that point on it size up the opposition, the number of competitors were week leading up to Varsity stunning somersaults on the improving the standard for was clear who dominated this gymnasts marched onto the somewhat newer to the led to some strong perform- floor and outstanding beam next year’s Varsity match and match. The next goal came floor, presenting themselves sport. Bachrun Mason (third- ances, however the team as performance that gave her beyond. straight from a perfect centre draw which Cambridge captain Charlie Hill received, sprinting down to goal almost unimpeded. A spectacular Hockey success for Seconds and Thirds shot saw Cambridge defiantly on top. More goals followed, with many being scored off Triumph for Cambridge hockey girls in the run-up to the Blues’ Varsity match moves the team had been perfecting, with particularly Their flowing forward play led good pair work coming from Claire Rushe to many short corners being Charlie Hill and Ros Lloyd, awarded, however it was obvi- who between them ensured ous that Cambridge are not the score reached 7-1 at half used to a water-based astro time. Cambridge’s advantage SECONDS WIN 4-1 and failed to convert. at this point reflects how hard However, in open play, there the team was working, with THIRDS WIN 3-0 was little difficulty, as Tash Bristol’s defence achieving Close scored another quick some recoveries which stalled MEN’S SECONDS goal, stretching the lead back the Blues at moments. The BEATEN 2-1 to two goals. The Light Blues team was tiring, and half time stamped their authority on the came with encouragement ON MONDAY February 13, game when Cat MacDonald and stern words from the the “Alternative” Varsity executed a precision shot to captain to improve the team’s hockey matches took place at finish the match 4-1. The discipline. Iffley Road, Oxford. The captain, Rachel Trafford, won The second half showed Bedouins (Third women) man of the match for her this inspiring team-talk pay started the day. Having won pivotal role as centre midfield; off, as Cambridge stormed the trophy every year since her champagne prize kicked ahead with numerous shots the competition’s inception, off celebrations that lasted on goal from various players, the pressure was on. There well into the night. most notably Fiona was the usual Varsity Match The final game saw the Macpherson who controlled scrappy start, but coach Alun The victorious women’s second hockey team celebrate after besting their Dark Blue rivals Second men battling it out as attacking play for some time. Rees calmed nerves from the Cambridge’s Wanderers took Much praise must go to goalie sidelines and soon Cambridge side, Oxford returned much to the umpire’s delight. resulted in a penalty flick for on the Occasionals. The game Lizzie Maughan for some were dominating, awarded stronger, forcing saves from It was even, Cambridge need- the Light Blues, for which was end just as the teams were great saves and clearances several short corners. ‘keeper Beth Cash. The ing only a draw to retain the CUHC president Lydia Tong evenly matched, but in the that showed the opposition The continued pressure paid Oxford attack startled trophy. The Light Blues often stepped up, hammering the first half Oxford showed more exactly where the ball was off when Lucie Bishop worked Cambridge, resulting in a threatened, but it was not to ball home to make it 2-0. The desire, sending Cambridge intended to stay – well up in the ball up the left, crossing to green card for Alex Workman be: in the final minute Oxford play evened out, with Oxford into half-time 2-0 down. Their Cambridge’s attacking end. the penalty spot where Izzy and Alison Weetch. scored, snatching victory. managing some dangerous team talk must have been The call from the captain saw Blakey was ready to pounce, This soon passed, and the The second half of the day attacks, but very little got inspiring, as the Light Blues Cambridge prove their ball slotting the ball into the net. Bedouins regained their was kicked off by the Nomads through the strong back line came out with a new-found handling skills with two The back line was calmly composure. Liz Riley took the vs the Monkeys (Second with Tash Tanna tackling and determination. In the game’s minutes of accomplished controlled by captain Hannah ball up the right wing at great women) led by coaches Sam clearing with confidence. final seconds, Graeme Shaw possession, putting pressure Roberts, with man of the speed; the ball was sent flying Grimshaw and Alun Rees. The Nicky Peart was called in to shot at goal for Sam Grimshaw on the Bristol team to try match Tory Pile executing a in for Nicola Park to grab her Nomads started confidently make one dramatic save just to tap in at close range. But anything to gain control of vital defensive goal line clear- second goal, firing the ball into and within ten minutes, Anna before half time, keeping the the celebrations soon turned the ball. But their attempts ance. Nicola Park’s pace and the top left corner. This was Stanley had chipped the ball score 2-0. to commiserations as the final were to no avail, the final skill riled the Oxford defence the end for Oxford, Cambridge over the keeper into the net In the second half, Oxford whistle was blown and the whistle was blown; the score throughout the game, culmi- finishing in style. from the middle of the ‘D’. started the feistier team, with boys realised it was too late to left at a well-deserved 12-1 to nating in a short corner, which Next, the Squanderers took Cambridge continued to have their pressure eventually retain their trophy. a strong and determined she then converted, sending on Oxford’s Infrequents (Third the upper hand, worrying converting into a well- The men’s and women’s Cambridge side. Cambridge into half-time 2-0 men) in front of a crowd Oxford so they had to resort to deserved goal. This was just first teams will play their Persophene up. featuring Cambridge Blues an obvious foul in front of the catalyst to spur the Varsity matches on Tuesday Bridgman-Baker As is expected from a losing brandishing a loudspeaker, their goal. This immediately Nomads back into their game. March 7. 17.02.06 Sport Varsity 27 Star Sam sails single-handed Sophie Pickford meets Vendée Globe 2008 hopeful Sam Davies MEETING SAM DAVIES is a humbling the financial and logistical pressures experience. Since leaving St. John’s are such that “you’ve already succeed- nine years ago, her meteoric rise to ed just managing to get to the start.” sailing stardom has seen her take part These pressures have been eased in some of the world’s most challeng- recently by some lucrative sponsor- ing sporting events. Round-the-world ship deals. As a member of the record attempts, single-handed Offshore Challenges sailing team, Sam transatlantic races and now a Vendée was supported by team-mate Ellen Globe campaign are a daily part of life MacArthur until she found sponsor- for this petite thirty year old, whose ship from Skandia. Recently this has Erinsborough unassuming and softly-spoken been replaced by a new deal with manner disguises a phenomenal Roxy clothing, who fund her training Ethics toughness, gritty determination and at Port la Forêt, home of France’s elite here must be very few streets extraordinary capacity to endure the offshore racing school. They have also on earth like Ramsay Street. harshest conditions known to man. agreed to support her participation in TNo one gets on that well with Sam returned to Cambridge this the toughest single-handed yacht race their neighbours – you might utter weekend in her capacity as ambassa- in the world, the Vendée Globe, which a sprightly, “Morning!” in their dor for the Brightside Trust, an will next take place in 2008. The boat direction as you put the rubbish internet-based scheme which provides she will use has an impressive pedi- out, or give them their ball back mentors for underprivileged teenagers gree, having already seen two Vendée when it comes over your fence. On with an interest in studying Medicine skippers home safely in first place in occasion, you might even have a or Veterinary Medicine at University. 2000 and 2004. heated debate about the height of Her message is clear, that “you can do Sam is very realistic about why she their leylandii hedge. The trouble is things you never really thought you landed the Roxy deal, recognising that that no one chooses their neigh- could if you are determined and moti- her sex undoubtedly helped her. bours – you’re just thrown vated.” Two qualities both she and the Women attract more media interest in together, regardless of whether scheme’s participants have in abun- sailing, more photographs are taken of you get on or not. The same dance. them and their boats, and as a result should be true of Ramsay Street. Sam started sailing around the they are more attractive to sponsors. On the one hand, you have a man Solent with her parents when she was Thanks to Ellen MacArthur’s experi- like Harold. Harold is a man of a child, “somehow I was never afraid, ences the public and media also have morals, a pillar of the community. scared or cold, I was always enjoying a much greater awareness of sailing as Yes, he loses his marbles from myself.” This philosophy has stayed a sport, “because Ellen has achieved so time to time, but he gives advice with her “if I’m having fun then I’m much and they see I’m doing a simi- to those who need it (and those sailing 100%, whereas if I don’t have lar thing they’re keen to help. They who don’t), he feeds the hungry a smile on my face, I’m probably not Sam Davies racing single-handed downwind in her Figaro see it is possible for a girl to compete and he comforts those who are putting so much effort in.” and win.” Even so, Sam still experi- hurting. If he were an animal, Nevertheless there have been some stand why something happened or incredible feeling, completely impossi- ences some sexism, though “very Harold would be a wise old owl. low moments. The day after her final when you made a mistake,” she says. ble to describe. Whatever you achieve rarely.” The only time she notices a On the other hand, you have Lyn engineering exam at Cambridge Sam These are magnified when sailing is down to you and your boat.” difference between her ability and that Scully. She is the antithesis of flew to New York to join Tracey single-handed, taking five-seven Sam has certainly had some consid- of her male counterparts is when Harold. She gossips constantly, Edwards’ all-female crew in their minute cat-naps and only getting two erable successes already. At age 26 she trying to get the spinnaker up in the she never thinks about the sensi- round the world record attempt. A hours sleep in every 24 hour period. was the first girl to arrive in Brazil at Figaro she sails daily, otherwise racing tivity of a situation before opening violent storm in the Southern Ocean “There’s no-one to make really diffi- the end of a Transat, being placed 11th is “much more about mental strength her mouth, and she has this amaz- with winds of more than sixty knots cult decisions with, and every small overall, but for her, even making it and tactics.” ingly whiney voice that penetrates bashed and battered the boat; they misfortune gets magnified 100 times.” into a professional crew was a huge Sam’s next big project will be the to your very soul. If she were an were dismasted shortly afterwards, a Sam gets through it “by being mental- step. “As a kid I was amazed and over- double-handed Transat ‘AG2R’ from animal, Lyn would be an anteater, heart-breaking development, “we had ly strong, that’s one of the real skills awed by the racing boats in the Solent. Concarneau to St. Bart’s, starting on sticking her nose where others worked for a whole year”. Sixteen of it, mental strength.” This is some- I never believed I could do it, the near- April 9th. Her team-mate for this don’t want her to. How can two days of sailing under a jury-rig thing she has had to develop. “The est I thought I would get was buying event will be Alexia Barrier, and such opposite characters reside in followed before they reached land. more you sail the better you control the magazines.” Despite her achieve- together they will make up the race’s the same corner of the universe? It is these sorts of moments that your emotions and benefit from them ments, Sam has a very balanced only all-female entrant. Having seen How can they stand to be around Sam finds the hardest. “The most rather than letting them get you approach to competition, “every race her calm determination and deep- each other? What is Neighbours stressful times are when you aren’t down.” At the other end of the spec- I do is a success whether it’s a good seated ambition, I know who I will trying to tell us? doing well, when you can’t under- trum, the finish is “amazing, an result or a bad one.” In many races, be putting my money on. Well, Neighbours is following in the footsteps of David Hume. Hume was the first philosopher to 12345 67 8 Across recognise mankind as just anoth- Down er part of the natural world, rather 1. Render weak from poor diet, Varsity Matches 1. Useless Eastern fellow (4) than – as had previously been albeit varied (10) 2. Corral’s site of a mob uprising (4) held – some lesser form of the 9 10 6. Bear returned ring (4) 3. Secure home against second-row and divine. In other words, Hume 9. Such a system creates accord, The following Varsity match- 11 Morrison’s band (4,3,5) emphasised the need to let our given time (10) es will be played in the 4. Sharp sound made by gant returni ng philosophy be influenced by our 10. Earthy fool? (4) Sports Hall or Rosenblatt 12 over water (5) place in nature. We shouldn’t 12. Amazingly unsteadily (12) Pool, Iffley Road, Oxford, 5. Test cider about to be split three ways concern ourselves with lofty 13 14 15. In Yorkshire river men take unless otherwise stated. (9) metaphysical concepts which time to achieve habituation (8) 15 16 17 7. Biology and art should be compulsory have no great bearing on our lives; 17. Gag, seeing beggar topless (5) Friday 17th (10) instead we should reflect on the 15 18. I believe in haphazard decor Table Tennis: 9am – 5pm, 8. Irishman’s hit after tanatrum (10) world only as we know it. (5) Men’s & Women’s A & 11. Vivarium isn’t built in Roman style And the world is full of 18 19 19. Man in car in charge of dead Men’s B teams. (12) contrasts: light and dark, good bodies (9) 19 20 13. Accesory used by seamstress to fold and evil, matter and anti-matter, 20. Compensation for amputees? Saturday 18th chinos up in (10) yin and yang. Some might say 20 21 (9,3) Karate: 9am-12.30pm, 14. Cambridge tutor’s great at taing it that the world is in a delicate 24. Good man on in February (4) Men’s & Women’s A & out of visitor (10) balance between these states: 23 22 23 25. Priestly doctrine Irishman and Men’s B teams. 16. Odd, unlike UKIP? wherever there is light, some- doctor disseminated (10) 24 25 21. Divine air that’s not here (5) where must be dark; wherever 26. Standard idea of length (4) Trampolining: 9am-12.30pm. 22. Lie on aristocratic place (4) there is good, somewhere there 25 27. Queen invited this rascal to 23. Nurse’s arms ache regularly (4) must be evil. Neighbours reflects dance (10) Volleyball: 12.30pm – 26 27 this view of the universe. 6.30pm, Men’s & Women’s. © Mathmo Wherever there is a Harold, there has to be a Lyn. Wherever there Swimming: 1pm - 3.30pm, Re-arrange the letters by is a likeable, believable character Men’s & Women’s. rotating the discs to like a Susan, there has to be a

create six separate six- Scribble pad Zeke. Ramsay Street has to be in Water Polo: 3.30-7.30pm, RL letter words leading in to this equilibrium in order to func- Men’s, Women’s & Alumni the centre. tion properly. So, though we might TRD Email your answer to: [email protected] not like every character residing Fencing: 10am - 5pm, there, they are all necessary in

Men’s & Women’s A & B V DRE YNA order to form the soap as a whole.

teams. Exam Halls, High St., LCUTEE EAI XNS © Adam Edelshain I guess there are four lessons Oxford. GK SNE I here: 1) In the Humean mould,

take nature seriously, and let it Pistol Shooting: All day in F A E I reflect your view of the world. 2) Wantage. Put up with something bad if it OF contributes to a whole which is Sunday 19th good. 3) And don’t promise four Basketball: Men’s & lessons from a column when you Women’s A teams. can only think of three. Varsity 17.02.06 GYMNASTICS WOMEN’S HOCKEY INTERVIEW LACROSSE

Light blues on good form Triumph for Seconds & Thirds Alumna takes on world Cambridge 12-1 Bristol sport Strong showing but men Double success shows First Sophie Pickford meets Blues end league campaign miss out on Varsity success team the right way to do it yachtswoman Sam Davies in style with Oxford looming Mixed fortunes for netballers Seconds win thriller by a point but Blues endure agony of Varsity defeat

DMFUDAKOWSKI ADAM a strong Cambridge defence. Despite this, careless passing and errors from Cambridge let Oxford get ahead, and in doing so allowed them the space CAPTAIN’S VIEW to settle into their game first. The Oxford shooters soon found the KATE HINDSON excellent form they would continue throughout the match, and helped UNIVERSITY SWIMMING their team to a devastating 15-4 lead CAPTAIN at quarter-time. From the second quarter onwards At 1pm on Saturday, the first team the match was closely contested. In swimmers will leave the blocks in the fact, had the scoring started again at 114th Varsity Match at the Rosenblatt this point the match would have Pool, Oxford. Over the next two ended in a draw, but the Blues were hours, we will discover whether six always going to struggle to make up months’ planning and training have such a large deficit. been enough to secure a seventh Great defending from goalkeeper consecutive win against our old adver- Georgie Powell continued against a saries. very strong Oxford goal shooter, but As ladies’ captain, I hope this year the pressure of the chase led to too won’t see the end of Cambridge’s many errors, and Oxford continued winning streak. In terms of prepara- to have too much space to attack all tion, I believe we’ll go into the match the way down the court. having given ourselves the best possi- Changes at half-time saw fresher ble chance of winning. Since the Sarah Warren move to wing squads were selected in October, each defence, where she found better swimmer has covered an estimated form. Several interceptions made 500 kilometres – that’s 20,000 lengths by her helped the Blues to win the of Parkside Pool – and swum about 3rd quarter. 360,000 strokes. This groundwork Cambridge did everything they should enable every Cambridge swim- could in the last quarter. The shoot- mer to stand at the end of their lane ers registered a combined 91% on Saturday confident that they can shooting accuracy, with a clean sheet beat the person standing next to them. for Kate Yateman-Smith. Stunning But training is only part of the interceptions from goalkeeper Cathy winning formula. With foundations in Cucknell meant Oxford didn’t score place, tactics come into play. All signs again until halfway through the indicate it could be a close contest this quarter, but it wasn’t enough, and year, making team selection crucial: the game ended at 40-29. select the right combination of swim- It’s fair to say that the Blues didn’t mers and events and we’ll have Cambridge’s seconds clinched victory in the last seconds, whilst the firsts struggled to find their form play at their best - it is always diffi- something to drink to on Saturday cult to find your rhythm when night; select wrongly and we’ll be It was clear it was going to be a close court interceptions from wing attack chasing your opponents – but to drowning our sorrows. This year, Claire Foister match, the first quarter ending only Laragh Widdess, Cambridge started their credit they never gave up the responsibility for this has been mine. 7-5 to Oxford. to creep back. At 21-27, Cambridge fight, and can take some comfort Having agonised over various line- The next two quarters saw coach Rachel Folley glanced at the from the fact that they won the ups, second-guessing Oxford, I Firsts: CAMBRIDGE 29 Cambridge come out strongly, with clock and simply said “six minutes, second half. announced the team on Monday. OXFORD 40 some great defending from six goals”. A tough ask, but Oxford This, however, shouldn’t take After hours of deliberation I am in no Katherine Cook and Helen Peterkin, had cracked, and were struggling to away from a great performance from doubt it’s the strongest I could field. Seconds: CAMBRIDGE 30 and some tough play from captain get the ball into their attacking third. Oxford; Cambridge fresher, Sian In the midst of captain’s duties, I’ve OXFORD 29 and man of the match Eimear Unbelievable high pressure shoot- Folley, described it as the most phys- hardly had time to reflect on personal Neeson, who managed to claim ing from Penny Anderson and ically demanding and fast-paced aspirations for Saturday. But there’s THOSE WHO have never played a several passes from her opponent Eimear Neeson had every Cambridge game she’d ever played – a credit to one thing I’m sure of: it will be a long Varsity match often find it difficult to that really didn’t deserve to reach supporter on their feet as the light both sides. and tiring day. After (let’s be optimistic understand how one can matter so her. She finished the first half with blues edged closer and closer. Words probably cannot describe here) leading my team to victory in the much. But something to do with the a 100% shooting record. In the last 20 seconds of the last how it must feel to lose the Varsity swimming match, I’ll be back in the crowds, the preparation, the build- However, every time Cambridge quarter Cambridge took the lead for match, but lasting impressions of the pool as a member of the ladies’ water up and all the tradition involved pressured them, Oxford managed the first time in the match, and there game will be positive. polo team, in what promises to be means the Varsity match has the to respond and pull away, and by was no time for Oxford to respond. Man of the match and captain another tough competition. It’s been a ability to generate extremes of the third quarter Cambridge The scoreline finished at 30-29. Becky Gwilliam should feel demanding year juggling commit- emotions. The Cambridge women’s appeared rattled, failing to capi- Following the tension of the immensely proud of the positive ments in the two teams, but let’s hope netball squad experienced both ends talise on some great interceptions, seconds’ match, both Blues sides had atmosphere and attitude she has that it’ll all pay off in the end. of the spectrum this weekend. and ending the quarter 7 goals a nervous start to their game. In the created in her squad. The style with What are my feelings leading up to The Seconds match got off to a down at 23-16. first few minutes the Cambridge which her team fought for victory the big event? Apprehensive – shaky start, with errors from both But in the last quarter the game attacking play looked easier and and then gracefully accepted defeat perhaps; nervous – a little; excited – sides as they calmed their nerves and really took off. After an even start, smoother than Oxford’s, who to the better side on the day demon- most definitely. adapted to the strict umpiring style. and helped by some great centre seemed to be struggling more against strated true sportsmanship.

2 8 5 9 1 Send your doodles Kakuro     Sudoku   9 7 3 8 4 Medium   Easy  3 To win your very 1 8 2 9  Fill the grid so that each run of 6 own pair of squares adds up to the total in the    flights to Oxford - box above or to the left. Use only The object is to insert the numbers 5 2 1 8 numbers 1-9, and never use a   in the boxes to satisfy only one  5 see pages 6-7 number more than once per run condition: each row, column and (a number may reoccur in the 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 2 3 5 4 9 and varsity.co.uk same row in a separate run).   through 9 exactly once. What Solution and solving aids at www.dokakuro.com could be simpler? 4 1 9 7 2 © www.dokakuro.com © Daily Sudoku Ltd 2005