The Practice of Being: Mastering Stress

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The Practice of Being

Mastering Stress BY DYAN WILLIAMS awyers are expected to deliver positive results, achieve & Finding Meaning lofty goals, and think and talk their way through problems and challenges. This makes it difficult for those of as a Lawyer Lus who are lawyers to admit that we are vulnerable to making mistakes in high-pressure situations, that we do not always have ready answers, and that we ultimately lack control over outcomes. Lawyers’ livelihoods depend highly on the High stress is a virtual hallmark of ability to produce favorable results under enormous pressure and severe time constraints; lawyers suffer from depression, the legal profession and high rates substance abuse, chronic burnout, stress, and stress-related ill- of suicide, chemical dependency, nesses at rates much higher than the general population.1 These mental health issues are sometimes self-created, but and depression among lawyers individual lawyers can reduce their prevalence, master stress, demonstrate that managing stress and find true meaning in the legal profession by following is a challenge for many. Practicing three inner-oriented steps: the mental disciplines of mindful- ■ mindfulness of the present moment; ness, acceptance, and personal ■ acceptance of situations and circumstances as they unfold; and ■ giving values-based intentions equal or higher priority than authenticity offers a way to quell goal setting. stress and find greater meaning. Creating Suffering Lawyers are two to three times more susceptible to depression or chemical dependency than the average adult.2 The legal 26 Bench&Bar of Minnesota ▲ March 2010 www.mnbar.org Constant demands, conflicting priorities, and billing pressures in the workplace often take a toll on lawyers’ physical health and emotional well-being.

profession also carries the highest risk of may affect our clients, ourselves, and our alism, and a lack of balance between per- suicide among all other occupations.3 practice.6 Worrying about the past and sonal and professional aspects of life, Constant demands, conflicting priorities, ruminating about the future frequently which often lead to unhealthy levels of and billing pressures in the workplace puts one at odds with the present stress, to experiences of isolation, empti- often take a toll on lawyers’ physical moment. ness and absence of meaning, and to the health and emotional well-being. While Addicted to speed in a profession rendering of inadequate or inappropriate lawyers’ assistance programs and counsel- where time is money, lawyers juggle mul- services.”9 ing centers are available to help those suf- tiple priorities to get things done fast and, A formal meditation practice, which fering from depression, alcoholism, and in the process, create stress for them- usually involves sitting, closing one’s eyes, other mental health issues, we as individ- selves. Ongoing deadlines, demands from focusing on one’s breath, and noticing ual lawyers have primary responsibility for clients and bosses, and never-ending thoughts, feelings, emotions, and body how we view our profession, how we see responsibilities lead to stressful multitask- sensations come and go, is one of the our place within it, and how we relate to ing. But doing too many things at once most effective ways to cultivate mindful- it. While emotional distress or mental suf- and not taking any meaningful breaks ness. Mindfulness can also be achieved by fering often results from external circum- preclude being present and truly awake to paying full attention to one’s work activi- stances, much of it is also self-created. what you are doing. Scientific evidence ties, such as making a telephone call, This is particularly so for those who obsess shows that chronic multitasking can fuel speaking to opposing counsel, drafting a over the future or past instead of focus on a stress response that results in short-term brief, or arguing before a judge. Everyday the here and now, resist uncontrollable memory loss, inability to focus, and gaps mindfulness also includes simple things outcomes as they unfold, and measure in attentiveness.7 Not being mindful leads like feeling the earth under your feet as their self-worth in terms of wealth, power, to doing and saying things out of habit, you walk, sensing the texture of food status, fame, and reputation. operating on autopilot, making careless when you eat, and listening to what oth- Those who do not pay attention to the mistakes, and rushing from task to task ers are saying without judgment or plan- present moment or accept present situa- without noticing the breaks in between. ning what you want to say next. tions as they occur easily lose their center In contrast, by practicing mindfulness, Mindfulness enables one to see that the when unexpected changes and unwanted i.e., having moment-to-moment aware- world is theirs to participate in and nur- events arise. Failing to set values-based ness of what is before you without judg- ture, not manipulate and control. Living intentions and live in alignment with ment or reaction, you can let go of fixa- in the moment and fully observing your them leads to suffering emotional conse- tions on the past and musings about the current experience (and not wishing you quences like misery, anxiety, and anger future. Focusing on one thing at a time were somewhere else) leads to realization when desired goals are not achieved. The before quickly switching to the next can that inner peace or happiness is a choice error lies in believing that external sources, reduce self-created stress. Mindfulness and does not arise only when or only if such as higher compensation, promotions, involves noticing thoughts and feelings as something specific happens. accolades, and material possessions are they come and go, without being keys to lasting happiness. While these attached to or averse to them. Individuals Acceptance/Nonresistance things do make life easier and more pleas- learn that they have the power to choose While much of the stress lawyers expe- urable, they are hollow reflectors of an their actions regardless of the fear, anxi- rience is related to external circum- individual’s true essence. Contemporary ety, and worry they might be feeling. stances—such as a flagging economy, bill- spiritual teachers and psychologists note Mindfulness induces a deeper awareness able goals and demanding clients—much that the true path to a full and meaningful of the impermanence of all things, which of it is also self-created. It’s all too easy to life begins with knowing and making allows one to navigate life’s challenges worry and get upset over things that are peace with your inner self (which is always with openness and curiosity. none of our business and that are out of within reach) and living accordingly.4 Leonard L. Riskin, a professor at the our hands. Unexpected results or unwant- Accepting trials and tribulations with University of Florida Fredric G. Levin ed changes induce fear of losing control grace and equanimity, and even welcom- College of Law, proposes meditation as a and the discomfort of moving into ing them as opportunities for growth and practice for dealing with stress among uncharted territory. The key to make way transformation, begin with the three lawyers and law students. In a Spring for easeful living and stress mastery is to inner-oriented steps outlined below: 2002 Harvard Negotiation Law Review arti- accept that you are not always in control, cle, “The Contemplative Lawyer: On the surrender to the dance of life, and allow Mindfulness Potential Contributions of Mindfulness true wisdom to arise from deep within.10 As Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and Meditation to Law Students, Lawyers and Acceptance of reality does not mean author of The Power of Now, states, “The Their Clients,” he noted, “[Stress-relat- being approving, passive, indifferent, or past is a memory of a former Now; the ed] problems stem in part from certain reluctant to voice your opinions and per- future is a mental projection of an expect- narrow, adversarial mind-sets that tend to spectives. Rather, it involves taking more ed Now.”5 Failure to understand this leads dominate the way most lawyers think and skilful action from a deeper awareness of to constant fretting about the conse- most legal education is structured.”8 Such how things truly are rather than from old quences of past actions or decisions, or mindsets, he added, “tend to promote habits and conditioned reactions. anxiety over potential future results that egocentric behavior, excessive adversari- The concept of letting go of outcomes www.mnbar.org March 2010 ▲ Bench&Bar of Minnesota 27 Being authentic allows you to have a rich and purposeful life that is not contingent on wealth, power, status, reputation, or fame.

and truly surrendering to whatever ous experiences, common sayings that are taken for grant- unfolds is difficult for lawyers; many you remain content and ed, but are very true in life. Be grateful for believe this makes them more vulnerable. open to whatever unfolds. your accomplishments and possessions Lawyers take action based on ideas about Only then are you truly free. without being attached to them. A big what is just and what is unjust, stories Once you realize that difficult client account you have today may be about who is right and who is wrong, and feelings are not you, but simply gone tomorrow. beliefs about who should win and who come and go as they pass through you, you should lose. But while lawyers are prob- can live and work in a truly mindful state. Authenticity lem-solvers, not all problems are solvable By stilling your thoughts and sitting with Lawyers are highly goal oriented and by thinking and arguing. By practicing the disappointment of lost jobs, cases, and often competitive by nature or nurture. acceptance of “what is,” lawyers can clients—without staying stuck—you cre- They evaluate themselves based on how accept individuals and circumstances as ate a more peaceful life. From there, you they measure up to their peers, col- they are, take responsibility for the situa- can take wise action, rather than react leagues or competitors. While graduat- tion without blaming anyone (including from fears and insecurities. ing at the top of a law school class, win- themselves), and instigate action that is There are many ways to practice accept- ning significant cases, or achieving acco- in line with reality.11 By letting go of pre- ance in daily life. For instance, you can: lades are noble accomplishments, they conceived positions, lawyers can become are hollow reflectors of who someone is more open to new information and cre- ■ Engage with those who have a dif- at the core. Measuring your worth ative solutions, which is particularly use- ferent perspective. Assuming it does according to goals that may or may not ful in the face of a crisis or uncertainty.12 not sap your energy to the point of come to fruition leads inevitably to suf- Acceptance starts with reflecting on exhaustion or degenerate into blaming, fering. Letting your ego step out of the one’s essential self, not from an analytical name-calling, or other counterproduc- way, shedding unnecessary clutter, and perspective, but from the direct experi- tive behavior, communicate regularly allowing your true self to shine opens the ence of who you really are at the core. with those who see the world different- way to a more lasting, unconditional Stepping back from your thoughts, feel- ly. Know that two persons can have very happiness that does not depend on vari- ings, beliefs, desires, and fears and notic- valid yet opposing viewpoints. able calibrators of success. This starts ing—not judging—them from the per- ■ Open up to the unknown. Let events with setting value-based intentions, spective of a higher witness fundamental- unfold without always trying to figure which are different from goals, and liv- ly shifts how you deal with adversarial sit- things out or manipulate external forces ing in alignment with them.14 Life is uations and uncomfortable circum- to get what you want. Simply open up much more meaningful when we don’t stances. Resisting the present situation and allow the solutions to come to you in measure true success by what we and judging yourself in terms of your creative and intuitive fashion. Be a true achieved or didn’t achieve, but by how response makes you more prone to addic- observer, judge less, and acknowledge aligned we are with our essential selves.15 tion, which involves dependence on when you’re forcing your perspectives on By setting intentions based on person- external sources to suppress uncomfort- the universe. There is no need to elimi- al values—deep desires and guiding prin- able thoughts and feelings or provide dis- nate uncertainties if you welcome them as ciples that reflect how you want to be and traction from difficulties.13 Further, if you opportunities to discover your strengths how you care to relate to others—and act- learn to observe yourself, you will notice instead of problems to fear. ing accordingly, you can have a purposeful that your addictions or depression are sep- ■ Embrace thoughts and feelings with- life regardless of what arises.16 Unlike set- arate from your core essence. You can out attachment. When you can sit with ting goals, setting intentions is not orient- then take mindful action to seek remedies difficult feelings and emotions—includ- ed toward obtaining a future outcome or without the shame and guilt that keep ing fear, anger, sadness and envy—with- crossing items off a to-do list.17 Rather, it is you stuck. By also accepting things you out trying to fix the problem, change the a continuing process that has no end and cannot change about other people, cir- situation, or keep busy with other things, is based on what truly matters to the indi- cumstances, and events, you are less like- you become less attached to these experi- vidual. Values include the desire to be ly to develop unhealthy coping strategies. ences and better able to make conscious helpful to colleagues, responsive to clients, You can make empowering inquiries like, decisions about how to act. So-called and attentive to the quality of one’s work, “What now—what can I do to alleviate negative emotions will always be part of while goals are becoming a law firm part- the situation?” rather than dwell on vic- the human experience since everything ner or getting a promotion. While goal tim-based questions like, “Why me?’ or is impermanent and ideal circumstances making is a valuable skill that provides “Why is this happening to me?” eventually end. direction in life, focusing on goals entails When you are equally willing to ■ Accept that we win some, lose some. focusing on future outcomes that may embrace difficult moments as well as joy- Remember, easy come, easy go. These are never come to fruition.18 By contrast, 28 Bench&Bar of Minnesota ▲ March 2010 www.mnbar.org Dyan Williams is a lawyer focusing on immigrationaw l at Igbanugo Partners Int’l Law Firm in Minneapolis. She serves on the Education & Outreach Committee of Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (Minnesota’s lawyers’ assistance program). In addition to being a certified yoga teacher and Reiki healer, she is a certified life coach. Her coaching website is at www.irielifedesign.com nda she can be reached at [email protected].

aligning your actions with values-based Conclusion ing on values-based intentions, you intentions opens the way to a meaningful Although emotional distress and men- make your best effort and let go of the life that is not tied to whether or not you tal suffering in the legal profession are outcome. In contrast, when you obsess reach your goals.19 Paradoxically, by acting often caused by external circumstances, over the past or future, struggle with from your values, you are more likely to such as ongoing deadlines and demanding reality, or measure your self-worth by fulfill your goals than when you act from clients, individuals’ internal responses external yardsticks, you create unneces- your fears and insecurities.20 play a large role as well. By practicing sary suffering for yourself, just like so By being true to yourself, you will be mindfulness, acceptance and authentici- many others in the legal profession. To better able to hold your center and ty, anyone can have inner peace, even master stress and find true meaning in remain grounded, even when threatened when they don’t get exactly what they the legal profession: or challenged. If you can appreciate and want or when things go awry. Individuals express your own uniqueness, you don’t can also view challenges as opportunities ■ slow down when you drift into mind- have to struggle to become someone you to grow and explore possibilities instead less acceleration; really aren’t. Be courageous enough to of gravitate toward the first thought or ■ pay attention to and embrace the pres- heed your true calling; live and work solution that arises. ent moment; and according to your deepest values; and, if Mindfulness leads to appreciating ■ act in alignment with your authentic self. need be, choose a new life path that sup- your thoughts and feelings as they come ports your essence. Being authentic and go without getting hooked by With this inner-oriented approach, any allows you to have a rich and purposeful them. By practicing acceptance, you lawyer can experience more joy and ful- life that is not contingent on wealth, can remain centered and content no fillment, regardless of the uncontrollable, power, status, reputation, or fame. matter what comes your way. By focus- external stressors of our profession. ▲

Notes Meditation,” New York Law Journal (07/30/08). 1 Debra Cassens Weiss, “Lawyer Depression Comes Out of the 9 Id. Closet,” ABA Journal Law News Now (12/13/07), available 10 See Phillip Moffitt, Dancing With Life: Buddhist Insights for at http://abajournal.com/news/lawyer_depression_comes_out_ Finding Meaning and Joy in the Face of Suffering, supra n. 4. of_the_closet. 11 See Arjuna Ardagh, The Translucent Revolution: How People 2 Robert Zeglovitch, “The Mindful Lawyer,” 23 GPSolo 7 Like You Are Waking Up and Changing the World (Novato, (October-November 2006), available at CA: New World Library, 2005); Philip Moffit, “Starting http://www.abanet.org/genpractice/magazine/2006/oct-nov/mind- Over,” Yoga Journal (February 2007). fullawyer.html. 12 Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee, Resonant Leadership: 3 Todd C. Scott, “Lawyer Seeks Treatment, Boss Seeks Assur- Renewing Yourself and Connecting with Others Through Mindful- ance,” 26 GP Solo 7 (October/November 2009), p. 26. ness, Hope and Compassion (Harvard Business School Press). 4 See e.g., Phillip Moffitt, Dancing With Life: Buddhist Insights 13 Moss, supra n. 4; Martha Beck, Finding Your Own North Star: for Finding Meaning and Joy in the Face of Suffering (Emmaus, Claiming the Life You Were Really Meant to Live (New York: PA: Rodale, 2008); Richard Moss, The Mandala of Being: Dis- Three Rivers Press, 2001). covering the Power of Awareness (Novato, CA: New World 14 See Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling Library, 2007); Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: the and Start Living (Boston, MA: Trumpeter Books, 2008); Gay Journey Beyond the Self (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publi- Hendricks, Conscious Living: Finding Joy in the Real World cations, Inc., 2007); Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A (San Francisco, CA: Harper, 2000); Phillip Moffitt, “The Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (Novato, CA: New World Heart’s Intention,” Yoga Journal (September/October 2003). Library, 1999). 15 Id.; see also Martha Beck, Finding Your Own North Star: 5 Steve Donoso, “The Power of Presence,” 63 IONS Noetic Claiming the Life You Were Really Meant to Live (New York: Sciences Review (March 2003). Three Rivers Press, 2001). 6 Robert Zeglovitch, “The Mindful Lawyer,” supra n. 2. 16 Harris, supra n. 14. 7 Sue Shellenbarger, “Multitasking Makes You Stupid: Studies 17 Moffitt, supra n. 14. Show Pitfalls of Doing Too Much at Once,” Wall Street 18 Id. Journal (02/27/03). 19 Id.; Moffitt, supra n. 4. 8 Thomas Adcock, “Become a Better Counselor Through 20 Id.