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IN THE MIDDLE 1 IN THE MIDDLE: A Comparison of the Limitations and Opportunities of an Individualist Ministerial Stance and a Relational Ministerial Stance BY ELAINE BETH PERESLUHA IN THE MIDDLE 2 In the Middle: A Comparison of the Limitations and Opportunities of an Individualist Ministerial Stance and a Relational Ministerial Stance PROEFSCHRIFT ter verkrijging van de graad van doctor aan de Universiteit van Tilburg, op gezag van de rector magnificus, prof. dr. Ph. Eijlander, in het openbaar te verdedigen ten overstaan van een door het college voor promoties aangewezen commissie in de Ruth First zaal van de Universiteit op dinsdag 09 februari 2010 om 10.15 uur door Elaine Beth Peresluha Geboren op 13 maart 1952 te Manchester, Connecticut, USA IN THE MIDDLE 3 Promotores: Prof. Dr. S. McNamee Prof. Dr. J.B. Rijsman IN THE MIDDLE 4 Abstract This dissertation explores the limitations and opportunities of applying a social constructionist perspective to congregational ministry, using practices of appreciative inquiry and relational responsibility. Ministers often stand in the middle between the Academy and their congregations, drawing on their theological studies to impart wisdom as experts in a top-down fashion, aiming to inspire congregational life. An interdisciplinary dialogue between a social constructionist professional ministry and theologians creates ministerial leadership alternatives. Specifically, these alternatives take the form of dialogic theology constructed within the relationships between minister and congregation. Drawing on the relational understandings of social constructionist, as well as the author’s own experience, this dissertation explores the implications of understanding and practicing ministry from a relational stance, thereby expanding ministry beyond traditional individualistic, subject-object leadership choices. IN THE MIDDLE 5 Samenvatting Deze dissertatie gaat na wat de grenzen en mogelijkheden zijn van het toepassen van een Sociaal Constructionistisch perspectief op een congregationele parochie door middel van Appreciative Inquiry (AI) en Relational Responsibility (RR). Predikanten staan vaak in het midden tussen de Academie en hun congregaties, gebruik makend van hun theologische vorming om top down wijsheden uit te strooien als experts met de bedoeling het leven in de congregatie te inspireren. Echter, een indisciplinaire dialoog tussen de Sociaal Constructionistische professionele predikant en theologen schept ruimte voor een alternatieve vorm van leiderschap voor predikanten, namelijk via een dialogische theologie die tot stand komt in de relatie tussen predikant en de congregatie. Steunend op de relationele visie in het Sociaal Constructionisme, alsook op de eigen ervaring van de auteur zelf, onderzoekt deze dissertatie de implicaties van het begrijpen en toepassen van het predikantschap vanuit een relationele houding, daarmee het predikantschap verder brengend, d.w.z. verder dan de traditionele individualistische en op subject-object gebaseerde keuzes van leiderschap. IN THE MIDDLE 6 Dedication In The Middle is dedicated to all those who minister with tireless faith, committed service and devotion. Our work makes a difference, as do our relationships with each other and the members of our communities. I thank you all for your presence, your big hearts, wise minds and your belief in a world transformed by love. IN THE MIDDLE 7 Acknowledgements Thank you to all the members of my tribe. Your care is responsible for my completion of In the Middle. Sheila McNamee, your endless patience, prodding, and faith in my ability to learn assured my success. Paul Rasor, you kept me going whenever I was ready to quit. Thank you for your friendship, feedback and confidence. Thank you Marilee Crocker for years of friendship and for answering the phone with a smile in your voice. You professionally stepped up to assure we met the deadline, and discovered my meaningful content disguised as typos. Thank you to the Rev. Konnie Wells, the Rev. Elaine Hewes, and the Rev. Grace Bartlett for the inspiration to develop this project and to participate in the Boston University grant for Urban Pastoral Excellence. Without your collegial presence and friendship, I would never have moved through burnout into a sustainable shared ministry. Dr. Bryan Stone and Dr. Claire Wolfteich, thank you for designing the SUPE project and applying for the Lilly Endowment grant. You taught the world new appreciation for the hearts and labors of urban pastors. Betsy Weiss, Mary Lou MacLean, Joanne Meyer and Jen Tassannee, you listened attentively to all my personal and professional whining as I learned to stay in the middle, until I was not. Thank you for your love and care. Jack and Sam, you are blessed companions whose unconditional love offered endless distractions and playful creativity. Finally, this dissertation would not have been possible without the hard work, trust, appreciation and commitment of the members of the UU Society of Bangor and the UU Fellowship of Wilmington. You are amazing people whose willingness to be uncertain and risk taught me to minister with you and inspired us all to trust in and practice appreciation. Cate, Robin, and Abbie you are my beloveds. You and Tj you have taught me how to love. Thank you all. IN THE MIDDLE 8 Table of Contents Abstract ……………………………………………………………………….……… 4 Samenvatting ………………………………………………………………….……… 5 Dedication ………………………………………………………………….…………. 6 Acknowledgements ………………………………………………………………….… 7 Preface …………………………………………………………………………….. 10 Overview ………………………………………………………………………….. 18 Chapter 1: A Monological Introduction to Language and Meaning Constructed Through Dialogical Communication …………………………………………………… 31 Chapter 2: Learning What Being Relational Really Entails …………………………… 50 Chapter 3: Discovering the Limitations and Opportunities of Minster as Expert ……… 73 Chapter 4: Integrating the Diverse Voices and Choices for Leadership ……………….. 107 Chapter 5: A God In The Middle ……………………………………………………… 151 Conclusion …………………………………………………………….……….…… 184 References …………………………………………………………………………. 196 Tables Table 1: UU Society of Bangor Timeline ………….…………………………..... 200 Table 2: Comparing Leadership Choices of Behavior and Language …………… 201 Table 3: UUSB Appreciative Inquiry Action Plans …………………………..... 205 Table 4: Examples of Choices in Leadership Voice …………………………...... 209 Appendices A: “Spirit of life” Reflection – Waning Moon, Midsummer ’96……………........ 215 B: Questions for Appreciative Inquiry Interviews …………………………........ 218 IN THE MIDDLE 9 C: Visionary Design Statements …………………………..............………. 219 D: Ministerial Column in UUSB Newsletter, June 2003 ……….………...…….. 221 E: Ministerial Column for UUSB Newsletter, September 2004 ……….…..……. 223 F: Boston University Supporting Urban Pastoral Excellence Sabbatical Plan … 225 G: Elaine’s Agenda for UUSB Council Retreat ……….……….……….………. 231 H: Council Commitment ……….……….……….……………….……….……… 234 I: Unitarian Universalist Society of Bangor – Agenda for Workshop for Church Leaders, March 5, 2005 ……….……….……….……….……….………………………………… 235 J: UUSB Appreciative Inquiry Summit October 2003 – Questions for Interviews.. 240 K: UUSB Ministerial Exit Interview .……….……….……….………………….. 241 L: UUSB Resignation Letter May 2006 ……….……….……….………….…… 253 M: Project Supervision – September 20, 2005 ……….……….……….…….… 254 N: UUFW First Worship Service – September 2007 ……….……….………..… 256 O: Introduction to Appreciative Inquiry ……….……….……….…………….… 262 P: Follow-up Letter to the UUFW Board of Trustees President ……….……..… 263 Q: Second UUFW Worship Service September 2007 ……….……….…………. 264 R: Participant Response to Appreciative Inquiry Summit ……….……….……… 271 S: Collated Responses from Members of the Transition Team ……….………… 277 T: Transition Team Annual Report 2009 ………………………………………. 280 U: LEAP Retreat Report of Leadership/Ministry Project Group ……….……… 281 V: UUFW Board of Trustees Report ……….……….……….………….………. 284 W: UUA: Interim Progress Appraisal …………………...………………………... 286 IN THE MIDDLE 10 A Comparison of the Limitations and Opportunities of an Individualist Ministerial Stance and a Relational Ministerial Stance Preface In the Middle looks at how we might increase our awareness of the choices available to us, both professionally and personally, and the limitations and opportunities those choices offer. Our roles, our language, and our viewpoints are among the tools we can use to engage in a creative, intentional, and relational process – or not. In the Middle uses a monologic medium, this dissertation, to discuss the opportunities and limitations of engaging in dialogic language practices while developing an appreciative leadership style for professional ministry. This dissertation also communicates my personal developmental experience of what might be considered an abstract theoretical concept. It is ironic that my personal and professional location – somewhere in the middle between modern and postmodern, monologic and dialogic communication – necessitates the use of written language to affirm my participation in a dialogue that explores the residence of meaning in relational language practices. I have chosen to use words attached to a page to communicate the opportunities and limitations of a monologic language practice and explore the possibilities that lie beyond. To fully appreciate the significance of such an investigation and the personal process it initiated, I begin with this preface, which fully appreciates the possibilities of happiness and inner peace. “Happiness