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Spring 2020 March, April, May “The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.” -John Vance Cheney Hope & Comfort Spring 2020 March, April, May Survivors of Suicide Loss - San Diego County 7 Ways to Remember the Hurting Mothers on Mother’s Day This Mother's Day, worked out, please recognize remember the hurting them. Their are women walk- ing around with sons and mothers. daughters they didn't birth, but whom they love like their own. Remember the ones with a Recognize these mamas. Let mother's heart and no child to them know they are appreciat- call their own. Remember the ed and loved. ones with aching arms. Re- member the ones with the 5. Let them be whatever they tired eyes from the sleepless need to be on that day. They nights, lying awake and long- might not know what will be ing for the little one who cap- most beneficial -- the distrac- tured their momma heart tion of company or solitude. from the instant they met. Lay down your expectations of Remember the ones who nev- them on that day. They aren't er got the "firsts" -- first "crazy," they are grieving. Have smiles, first birthdays, first This life can be unkind, but together, we can make it a little safer place for the hurting mothers on this Mother's Day. If grace. Have understanding. If days of school, even first they want to be a snotty, blub- cries. Remember the ones you have a hurting mother in your life -- whether they be a friend or family, make this day a little easier to bear for bering mess all day, let them. If who will never hear "mama" them. Remember them. Acknowledge them. they decide it would be easier from those little lips. not to talk about any of it, don't Lexi Behrndt Writer and Founder of On Coming Alive pressure them. Give them free- Here are seven ways to love dom to be themselves, and let them through this day. them know that you will love them, no matter what form they come in. 1. If they lost a child, say their child's name. This is the most important thing you can do for them on that day: Say their 6. Don't make assumptions. If you assume they would not like child's name. Say their nickname. Say anything to let them to be included in some kind of gathering, let them decide. Just know you are remembering their child on that day. No matter reach out to them. Love them. Invite them. Welcome them, how uncomfortable it may make you feel, know that they cer- and let them make the choice on what they can handle. If they tainly have not forgotten. Let them know you haven't either. choose not to come, don't take it personally, but know they are only trying to survive a difficult day. 2. If they lost their only child, acknowledge their motherhood. As my sweet friend who lost her (almost) 4-year-old daughter 7. Love them. Maybe if you live far away, send them a note this year put it, "I want people to remember that I'm still a and five dollars for a pick-me-up coffee or ice cream. If you are mommy." If they've lost their only child, they are absolutely still nearby, ask them how you can best love them on that day. a mother, and they always will be, even when their child is no Maybe they want to attend a family gathering, make sure they longer in their arms. Please remember that. You have no idea know they are welcome. Maybe they want to get out of the how much even the tiniest acknowledgement can ease the house, invite them to dinner. Maybe they want to binge watch burden on their heart. Netflix in sweatpants and eat ice cream for dinner, offer to bring wine and popcorn too. Be a friend to them, and remind 3. Even if they have other children, the pain is still very real. them that they are loved. No matter how many children they have, it can never take away the pain of missing child or children they lost. Each child Remember these hurting mothers. With your kindness, love, is unique, and each child is irreplaceable. and grace, they can brave the hardest of days. Let them know you care. 4. Acknowledge their mother's heart. For those who long to be momma, but have faced infertility or things have never quite “If I had a single flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden.” Claudia Adrienne Grandi Hope & Comfort Spring Page 2 Don't be afraid to ask for help from those close to you when you need it. So much hurt and pain go You Are Not Alone… unheeded during grief because we don't want to bother anyone else with our problems. Wouldn't you want someone close to you to ask for help if they needed it? Some relatives and friends will not be able to handle your grief. Find someone with whom to talk. Seek out an understanding friend, survivor, or support group member. When you need to talk to someone Falling Tears, Loving Peace who has experienced a loss of… Author unknown Spouse/Partner Anne W. 619-992-9023 Bonnie B. 619-818-3363 In the still of the night when all is dark and quiet Allison L. 760-670-7158 Tears flow from those whose walk on earth has come to an end With the darkness, out dreams are born and we are with them again Son With the dawn we know it was only dreams and tears flow once more Christa S. 858-755-3400 Cheryl W. 619-277-0913 In the morning light a bird sings and we hear their voices Daughter The sweetness of flowers reminds us of a scent they once wore Cheryl V. 760-942-7869 The gentle breeze caresses us, and we remember their gentle touch Anne W. 619-992-9023 And in the smiles of their children we see their smiles Parent As the seasons change we welcome the rainbow colors of spring and summer Paul G.* (Mother) 760-815-1482 We see the visions of autumn’s gold and red change to a wonderland of snow Kate W. (Father) 916-601-4585 We have countless memories of laughter and tears, smile and embraces Nick G. (Father) 317-775-1274 And we realize they are not gone at all We see the sparkle their eyes once held in the stars above Family Member/Friend Their voices whisper in the mind Diane L. (Brother) 619-851-3689 Their spirits soars with the eagle to rest in the arms of God Pam E. (Brother) 760-415-5604 And they live forever among the stars and in our hearts Cindy P. (Sister) 619-850-6225 So when the tears flow, let them flow like the rain upon the earth When the rain falls we turn our faces to the sky, and feel its loving touch Helpful Websites And in the love we give, their loves lives American Assoc. of Suicidology www.suicidology.org Compassionate Friends www.compassionatefriends.org Fresno Survivors of Suicide Loss www.fresnosos.org Friends for Survival, Inc. www.friendsforsurvival.org GROWW Friends Helping Friends www.groww.org/Branches/sos.htm Survivors of Suicide Loss, Inc., is a nonprofit, nonsectarian, self-help support Suicide: Finding Hope group system for those who have lost a relative or friend to suicide. The Hope www.suicidefindinghope.com & Comfort Newsletter staff is dedicated to the primary goal of publishing arti- cles and information, which is assisting in the grieving and healing process of Suicide Prevention Resource Ctr. our readers. We welcome your written contributions for inclusion in the news- www.sprc.org letter; however, we reserve the right to publish only those articles that are con- sidered to be of benefit to the majority of our readers. Suicide is Preventable www.suicideispreventable.org Please send all correspondence to: Trevor Project Survivors of Suicide Loss www.thetrevorproject.org PO Box 3297 UMTR2ME You Matter To Me La Mesa, CA 91944-3297 About SOSL About SOSL www.UMTR2ME.org Helpline: (619) 482-0297 Website: www.SOSLsd.org Email: [email protected] “Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” Tori Amos Hope & Comfort Spring 2020 Page 3 10 Healing Rights for Grieving Children By Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt Author’s notes: The Bill of Rights for grieving chil- dren is intended to empower them to help them selves heal- and to help direct the adults in their lives to be supportive as well. Someone you love has died. You are probably having many hurtful and scary thoughts and feelings right now. Together those thoughts and feelings are called grief, which is a normal (though really difficult) thing everyone goes through after someone they love has died. The following ten rights will help you understand your grief and eventually feel better about life again. Use the ideas that make sense to you. Post this list on your refrigerator or on your bedroom door or wall. Re-reading it often will help you stay on track as you move toward healing from your loss. You might also ask the grown-ups in your life to read this list so they will remember to help you in the best way they can. 1. I have the right to have my own unique feelings about the death.
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