The Secret Drawer by Gary Walker That which is not known or meant to be known or seen by others, we call 'secret.' Knowing that there is a secret somewhere, titillates and excites our curiosity and voyeuristic inclinations to the point of having to know. There is a place in North San Diego County that has a secret; and it's been a secret for a long time, that is, until now. It's a well established, small but charming family owned and operated Italian restaurant simply called Joe's Italian. And no, this is not yet another restaurant review. Social media is awash in them. They're a dime a dozen. No, this is a very different kind of story, so please read on. As you may have guessed, Joe is the owner. What some people don't know however, is that Joe is also the Chef and he's been cooking deliciously fresh, classic/authentic, home style Italian cuisine in his kitchen for over...thirty eight years! Yes, you read that right; 38 years in the same kitchen! Joe's a Master Chef in his own right! And his lovely daughters wait on their patrons. I've had many delicious meals there over the years. You walk in and right away you feel like you're instantly transported to another place and time. The ambience is casual and inviting, the lighting is soft and low with candlelight glowing from the booths lining both sides of the long, rectangular room. On the walls and ceilings are fun and interesting bric-a-brac: old world pictures, charming rusticated mirrors, and glass ware, etc. The tables are set with paper place mats with a large picture of Italy on it. You know, the one's with lots of interesting information about the country and images of the Coliseum, Leaning Tower of Pisa, etc. The overall ambience is inviting, unpretentious and fun. Nestled in it's own cozy and private place up front near the large picture window looking out to the candle lit cabaret tables on the sidewalk, is my favorite booth. Some time ago I discovered this booth had a small, inconspicuous dark colored drawer just beneath an old decorative mirror on the wall. The first time I opened it many years ago I noticed it was packed with lots of small, tightly folded notes. The drawer was maybe twenty inches long but only a few inches deep, so I was careful not to let it fall out of the wall, which it seemed to want to automatically do on it's own. Before putting the drawer back into it's slot, I read some of the notes. Most were written on randomly torn portions of the paper place mats and were sweet and to the point while others were...dramatic. All, however, were touching because they were 'real,' and written from the heart. Flash forward to December 2017. I was having one of my favorite meals there, Joe's wonderful Eggplant Parmesan with a glass of red wine. Well, actually I had a couple of glasses of red wine before the meal came. The place was packed and the convivial banter of patrons filled the air with a familial atmosphere. So I went to open 'the drawer,' but this time, I fumbled and slipped (I think it was the wine!), and it came flying out of the wall, crashing down on the glass table, making a room shattering loud thud that was immediately followed by dead silence in the room as people looked around to see what had happened! It seemed like 30 seconds, but more likely 5 seconds, and just as quickly as the room got silent, the cacophony of revelry rapidly resumed, as if nothing had ever happened. Kind of surreal! I was, however, shocked at what I saw. This relatively small drawer had completely disgorged all it's angelic content. Like fairy dust sprinkled everywhere, my table was littered with a colorful blanket of countless notes that all seemed to, - accordion like, - instantly spring to life, mysteriously multiplying before my surprised eyes. It was kind of like seeing one of those classic Volkswagen commercials where an endless stream of people keep coming out of the small car. I simply couldn't believe how many notes came out of that small drawer! It was at this point that Angelina, Joe's daughter came over to investigate. With a fun smile she said: "I see you found The Drawer! Don't worry. You're not the first to spill it." I could hear her softly chuckling as she walked away. Wanting to take in and savor this unique experience before cleaning up my mess and hastily stuffing all those notes back into that small sliver of a drawer, I had a flash of an idea: a spark of inspiration. I hailed Angelina back over and asked: What do you think if I ask Joe about my idea to make a book out of these notes? She smiled in approbation and encouraged me to talk with him. Right after this a young woman (twenty something?), and what appeared to be her father, walked by my table and witnessed all the commotion as they were about to leave. Somewhat embarrassed, I told them what had just happened. The woman (Laura),was very interested in the story, but the father beckoned her to leave. She asked if she might read a few of the notes. Deeply touched by what she'd read, I encouraged her to write one of her own. So I tore off a section of one of the paper table mats (the one's of Italy), and she did her thing, after which she handed her note to me. I started to put it in the huge pile of notes on the table and she asked, "Aren't you going to read mine?" After telling her I didn't want to intrude on her private thoughts, she encouraged me and so silently I read it in front of her. "NEVER GIVE UP 12/14/17. Cheers to great health and living life in the present. A negative PET scan and ravioli pasta and we are good to go (she put a symbol of a Heart here). This is Real...Thank you Joe, signed Steve and Laura." Deeply touched by her sweet openness, I looked up at her and thanked her for her for writing such a beautiful note at which point they left, but not until after I found out where she worked (more on that later). So I walked back to the small kitchen where Joe was working his time honored magic by custom cooking each and every meal to order. Now Joe is a pleasant looking, trustworthy mature man with silver hair, medium height and build, wearing his usual white outfit including tomato and Olive Oil stained white apron. "Joe," I said, "May I ask you a question?" "Yes," he replied, his friendly Italian accent still noticeable after all these years. And so I told him what had just happened with 'the drawer,' and how all the notes had spilled onto my table, the seats and onto the floor. I told him about my idea to make a 'book' about this drawer and it's contents. Well, Joe instantly thought it was such a great idea that he gave me a big hug and said he'd have Angelina put 'all' the notes in a bag for me to take home. 'All' the notes, I thought! Hmmm. Had I missed something in my excitement? Turns out, unbeknownst to me, there was a second 'drawer' in another booth near the back of the restaurant! When I asked Joe how long the drawers had been there, he told me ten years. I asked: In all those years has any person ever asked you if they could make a book out of all the notes? "You're the first and only person that has had this idea, Gary, and I like it!" With that, I went back to my table, enjoyed my meal, all the while excitedly thinking about how to approach this fun new project of turning a bag full of heart felt personal notes into a small book befitting the sincerity, love, grace, faith and hope expressed by all the writers. Once home, I immediately dumped the contents of the large bag of notes on the floor, spread them all out, and took several photos of them. There were so many notes (well over two hundred!), they covered a 12 x12 foot area (144 square feet!). Mixed in among the notes, I found some coins, paper currency, a pair of women's ear rings still hooked on the placard from the store, a band aid (symbolism not lost as I guess every relationship needs one of these once in a while), a shell, a packet of sugar and even a pendant bearing the image of Pope (Papa) Francis! All these tender notes with all their pathos and sentiment made me feel I was walking on hallowed ground. Since there were so very many notes, far too many to include in a small book, my first task was to sort them. One pile for the 'regular' notes (great restaurant, great times, good friends, etc.); the other pile for what I felt were the ones where people most deeply expressed their thoughts and feelings. This cut the huge pile immediately in half. I then went through the 'keeper notes' several times, reading each note separately and began noticing themes. I even found a few from patrons who had, over the years, left two or more notes: kind of like sequels. While doing this, I noticed the many different names note writers had given to the 'drawer.' Here's the list: Treasure Box; Treasure; Secret Booth; The Treasure Box; The Drawer; The Treasure Drawer; The Hidden Treasure Box; The Box; The Treasure Chest; Little Drawer of Notes; Special Drawer; Little Chest of Notes; Magic Drawers; and my favorite, and the one I chose as the title for this book: The Secret Drawer. Many notes were celebratory (weddings, anniversaries, etc.). Many were sweet and fun and a few were very poignant. All, however, were a deep look into the mental, spiritual and emotional archetypal framework that makes us all...human. In this, we are, one and all, connected. It was like being in a time machine of sorts because I believe love and our deeper feelings transcend time and space and belong to some ineffable place that is so hard to define and pinpoint, but one which we all can, in some way and to some degree, relate to. Not a few people mentioned reading the notes and how it helped them in some way, as if these notes are in and of themselves, a form of therapy, offering catharsis and healing. After a few days of studying the notes, I then went to the copy store and spent several hours copying all of the ones I wanted to work with, putting 2-5 notes per page. Virtually all the notes were spontaneously written on torn shreds of the Italian paper place mats, some with pictures of the Coliseum, etc., and a few were so old and tattered that the paper felt as if it were actual cloth. I even had to tape a few together to keep them from completely falling apart. These new copies gave me a working document from which I could begin to formulate a game plan for the book in terms of how to section it according to sentiments and events as I could now easily cut and paste the different copies into theme groups. Even after winnowing down the notes I still ended up with over forty pages of notes! I then made a half dozen full sets of copies, and gave a few out to some women to have them read them and give me their input as to possibly how to structure the notes into some theme and format. My thinking at this point is to make a small coffee table book using copies of the actual notes in the book, - torn jagged edges and wildly different shapes of paper, various styles of hand writing, etc., vs. newly typewritten copies, - as this feels more authentic and true to the moment. It's all still transitional at this point, but well on it's way to coalescing. That said, I will include a small sampling of the notes, written verbatim, and when and where noted, dated and signed. Since the notes were all left in a public place, and with the permission of Joe the owner, and with my gratitude to all the unknown writers, I hope you enjoy reading them. "1/9/16 Well Hello all you Italian food Lovers. Today is a great day. I'm here enjoying a fabulous night with a beautiful lady. I wish I could tell you how much she means to me but it would take all the whole drawer. Long story short. We have a crazy Love story. Today we are not officially together, but I plan on marrying this Lady. I've never been more happy with anyone. If you ever read this Daisy, which I'm sure you will, I want you to know that I never stopped loving you and I am so happy you came out with me tonight. Love you, Checo loves Daisy." "3/14/14 I love this treasure box! My boyfriends never ending curiosity found it. It's one of the things that makes me love him dearly. Hope you enjoy your dinner (or lunch). ~ Caity" "8/26/16 I came here because I met the love of my life here. This day a few years ago I saw him. Love at first sight. Now he is gone. Died from cancer my love gone. Soon I will be with him. Goodbye, Francesca." "Brought my beautiful girlfriend to this amazing place. Found this place by mistake but turned out to be awesome. I love you Blanca...! C+B (in a heart) 2/14/16" "6-20-17 Today I am here with the love of my life. I don't think true love could ever be explained with words, especially on a piece of paper this big. But I look across the table from me at the most beautiful, talented, amazing woman I have ever met and I feel love. Never give up on the feeling no matter what life throws at you. I love you Samantha Golden, Unconditionally, and will until my last breath on earth. Yours forever. AR" "4/16/16 Fate truly has brought me to this box tonight. On vacation from NJ with my family I was thinking this would be a great vacation, but instead turned into a crucial crossroads in my marriage - one where I am questioning my relationship with a man who I once thought would never hurt me. Please. Never wishing this on any one." "Here with my Babe of 33 yrs for our Monthly Quiet Dinner. That is all the time we have During this time of our Life." "In a few months, Erica and Sandro will be married. Best wishes and hope you can can have 36+ years of marriage. Our love to both of you. B&S for E&S 3/25/2016" "Dinner was great! However Parents Please Keep Your Kids From Screaming In The Restaurant! T&C+C" "1-12-11 I'm Sitting Here With My Little Sweetie - It's Her 65th Birthday And She Actually Looks Prettier Today Than She Did The Day I Met Her! Please God Bless Us - One And All. Dean + Diana" "59 y/o last week. Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But I do know who I want to grow old with. She's sitting with me tonight. My love. D.G. 8/12/15" "Ye Ol Scally-Wag! 3/23/2013 You found the Hidden Treasure Box of OLD Joe! Enjoy The Tales of The Other Curious Pirates Who Stumbled Across The Mysterious Mirror Door!! ARRGGRRHH! P.S. Best Food I've Had... - Mike" "6/14/11 I sat here with my beautiful mother right before I left to move to Chicago, IL for my Residency in Emergency Medicine. Going to miss my momma tremendously, but she's going to come visit plenty, I'm sure! She'll also get to meet little Braelyn Jane just as soon as she's born in November! Love you mom! -Kaela (& John & Braelyn)" "4/30/16 I sit here on a Saturday night w/I hope one day to be my to be my husband. We've had a rough year, but he is still here loving me unconditionally. There is still hope. Trust in the Lord. Gosh, he is so cute." "She said Yes Here And Said I Do 26 yrs Ago Today. The Stricklands 7-22-16" "We were EHS (Escondido High School) classmates we met again 50 years later - we had lunch & made love yesterday afternoon, Cruised Grand, made love this afternoon - here for pasta - and how's your day going? 8/12/17 C+M" "Trust is number one in a relationship - respect is very important. I hope 2016 is a good year for me and I find the person I should be with."

"6/14/16 She Said Yes! Dianne & Tim" "Tom and Elaine on our 43rd day anniversary! Both 70 loving being married! Nov. 12, 2016" "2/14/17 Valentine's Day at Joe's Where my 70-year old new husband first talked of marriage on Dec 1, 2015! We've now been married 136 days! But we've known each other for 38 years. Love a second time for both of us! So wonderful. We're still on our honeymoon & expect to be for the rest of our lives! Tom & Elaine" "2/1/09 Dear Joe - Thank you for your hospitality and over the top generosity you extended for our wedding reception. You made our day very special. We loved sharing our day with you. Love, Kristen & Ken" "August 1, 2015 To The Magic Drawer With my dear friends. After many crippling hardship, wishing success, happiness & health beyond my wildest expectations for myself & daughter, her father, family, friends & all. By the girl w/the Italian name." "Find people who are good to you and people to whom you can be good, and your lives will be better. 5/3/16" "9/12/2015 Dear Treasure Box, This year has been one of the hardest of my entire life. So many changes and so many sad days. The man sitting in front of me tonight has changed all that in the short time I had the pleasure of knowing him. I feel lucky and blessed to have met him. I also hope we have many more nights like tonight. Thank you Derek for being the great person that you are. Love, Lindsey B." "11/20/10 So I'm here with my boyfriend on our second date and, of course, he has to open the drawer! I told him not to but it ended up being a good thing! I was scared of being kicked out my first time here...anyways, congrats on finding the treasure! I loved the food here and the service was awesome. I hope ya enjoy it too. Actually, I know you will! Heart, Amy Lane" "11.13.15 Friday the 13th. It's fate that brought me here to this table. I decided to write a wish in hopes it comes true...After breaking my engagement of being in a 6 yrs relationship, I wish to find true love. I think I found it already..his name is Daniel. Heart Rina" "To Ryan, my sweet husband, my sweet love. I love you so much, with my whole heart, and I love our new house in Escondido. Forever yours, Erin" "Came here tonight for a Big discussion with my Partner....How to Communicate + what goals each has - It was a start. We already have an almost 4 year old and Finally Feel like we are Learning to trust and listen to one another - I hope this continues. Love You Scott, Carol" "Samantha Blazek is the greatest! Love Her! - Tanner 11-18- 16" "8-1-2015 Great atmosphere, great food + company. The drawer is a special drawer & magic when opened. My life is simple, I'm learning to love myself and live in the present moment. Love, Sandra" "9/20/12 Today I came into this restaurant with my sister just planning to eat lunch. I decided to open up the treasure drawer wondering if it was glued shut. I was excited to find that it opened and that there were notes inside. I read them all. After eating lunch with my sister, I decided to write my own note, because something quite remarkable happened to me today in the restaurant. I had a two hour long talk with my sister about my depression I've been stuck in for over four years. It sounds silly to say that I cried during our talk, but it really helped me, and my sister gave me advice I've been searching for for a very long time. I feel that today is the day to start being happy. So in a way, I did find my treasure in the restaurant. Thank you. Live Life and find happiness. - Alex D." "September 20, 2017 This is our first time here at Joe's & I'm blessed to have come across...The Treasure Box. I'm sitting across my man of almost 3 years & everyday I thank God for putting him in my life. He is my everything, my best friend, confidant, #1 supporter & best of all, we share the same exact birthday, 12/17/1990. I'm in love with you. I can't wait to marry you someday & have the most beautiful children with you. "Above all, love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 Love Ashley" "October 4th, 2015 I'm here w/Reyes my husband. It's our first time here. We are fat & happy. We just got married on Oct 24th after a long 7 years of dating, he he he. We hope one day to come back w/our kids. w/love, Sen" "Has been a rough year but I can always count on your love, and taking me out for date night when I need it most. - Marilyn 10-06-17" "July 7, 2016 This is our second time here! It's date night no kids + a glass of wine with the love of my life! 15 yrs + going strong! What a cute little treasure to find! Hope you enjoy as much as we did! Love - Stacy + Joe" "Slightly happy, the Italian wine is good! Two transplant Europeans are celebrating our 31st wedding anniversary. This is our second time here and our first time discovering the treasure chest. Fun! Yesterday a new granddaughter was born, Katrina, she is not doing well and is in the hospital. We have 14 children, 9 by adoption from all over the world. Life is good! Groeten van, Bas en Medy" Note: These next two are his and her notes, both written on separate but matching white and intricately designed doily's. His: "9-22-16 Out on the Last Date Night we'll have together before I go to jail. We found the place by accident but loved it. The Carbinarra is amazing, order Canoli. 10 yrs together. May the adventures never end! (he drew a Sad Face)" Hers: P.S. I Love him w/all my heart...looks like I'm going to wait...for him to come home. Then we shall return here to celebrate. Love Tiff & Co" "We have been married almost 36 years and still in love! B&S 3/25/16" 2/10/17 It's amazing after living in Escondido my whole life (32) that gem's like this are still around & you can come across. Me and my beautiful wife are celebrating tonight, because of a great work year. We love Italian food! ("I speak the best Italian"...). The music & food is wonderful on this Friday night. Been with the love of my life for 13 years total married for 8. During this time together you get to develop SUPER POWERS! Say corny jokes, make dorky faces, at the same time, and even finish sentences! I can honestly say that everyday is a great adventure with you Shari. I wouldn't change it for the world. To many more date nights at Joe's and getting lost in those eyes & smile. Tom & Sharilyn (ha- yuck!)" "3/4/2016 We have been coming here for 4 years which is how long we have been dating. We have known each other for 25 + years though. This is out favorite Italian place. We always get their Chicken Piccata. Edie & Richard" "4-7-16 Sixteen years ago today my husband & I went on our 1st date!! Here we are, out on one of many others we've shared together! This is the 1st time we sat at the 'secret' booth. So maybe 16 years from now, we'll sit here again! Hope so!! Lots has changed since we met in 2000. We've shared so many great times together. I hope whoever reads this can say the same! 16 years together 8 years married, shared the love of 1 dog gone, 1 cat gone, many fish (including Fat Bastard) & the present love of 4 dogs, 1 cat, 1 bird, 1 snake, 2 goats and 1 spectacular daughter. Mindy & Mike" Note: Here's another his and her exchange. Him: "April 24th 2015 First visit here with my incredible fiance Elizabeth. We met on March 24th 2014, a day that forever changed my life!! My precious Elizabeth, I cannot wait for you to become my treasured wife on August 7th 2015. You mean more to me than anything on this entire planet. I adore and treasure you and love you more than words can ever adequately express! I will love your forevermore! Michael B." Her: "I love you Michael Jonathan B. and cannot wait to marry you August 7th 2015! Your Elizabeth who Loves you with all my heart!" "Feb. 14, 2013 What a Crazy 3 years it has been. I'm so glad I've found you again. I'm sitting next to the love of my life, even if it took me some time to see it. There's no one in the world like you, Jon. I'll never be able to fully thank you for all the ways you make me happy and thankful you make me better. And for that, you're my better half. For the rest of our lives." "With my two favorite girls, my daughter & wife - Jimmie 11- 20-13" "Waiting For Pasta, Waiting For Beer, Saw This Little Drawer So I Looked In Here. To My Surprise, A Treasure Did Find, Some Real Cool Things To Occupy My Mind. Here Comes Some Bread, For Us To Eat, I Gotta Go Now, Bon Appetit."