Leeds use VOL-37:15SLX 14' Bad residents require medical Students warned after attention after boozey night sex attacks

By Rachel Hunter had or not. drinking...lBut itl is certainly not our guidelines_ We have I steward per 50 By Alex Doorey The night included drinking at six expenence of the event. which we Carnage student customers. as opposed til Leeds bars and concluded at Halo understand involved students drinking for the industry supervision standards. which nightclub, Camages organise nights four 1 I hours. We are aware of several serious are set at I for the first 200 people. Carnage UK, which boasts hosting the to five times each academic year and the incidents arising from the event followed by I per 1(10 customer: After a series of sexual assaults in 'Number One Student Bar Crawl'. has February 4 night was its second in Leeds including...ambultmces being called to thereafter. the city centre. students are to he been sent a letter of complaint from the since September. 1.781 students fmm one of our residences to treat students "We conduct a full risk analysis of reminded of the importance of University following a series of incidents both Leeds University and the Met took who had attended. each event for each individual city. We personal safety. after their latest Leeds event. part. "We are anxious to ensure that there is consider student safety to be of paramount Authorities say that folios% Mg Ambulances were called to Bodington Revellers buy t-shirts online on the no repeat of the problems which arose importance. Our company notifies the very simple guidelines can prevent Hall on the night of February 4 to deal back of which are listed a number of tasks from your resent event." licensing authority of our event three to assaults. and the University offers with two students who required medical to complete during the evening. including Leeds Student understands that no four weeks in advance of the day to safety schemes for those out in the attention, one of whom was taken to the names of the bars on that night's ambulances were called to any of the ensure that heat patrol officers are city at night, or simply on their own. hospital. West Yorkshire Ambulance crawl. The t-shirts also get wearers free locations on the crawl and nor have there forewarned of the event, and are able u Using such schemes can help to stop Service confirmed. Another student entry into the night's designated 'super been police reports of incidents during the police the event sufficiently. We also students becoming t.hc victims of reportedly stopped breathing twice after club'. evening. voluntarily contact the LCLA, the Leeds such attacks. consuming alcohol. She was given CPR The letter, co-signed by Leeds At the time of going to press, Carnage City Licensing Association. Both the Union Women's Officer Sarah by a fellow student under the direction of University's Residential and Commercial said they had not received the letter, but a licensing authority and the UCLA are sent Wayman stressed that atthough the NHS Direct telephone service. Lastly, Services Director Dennis Hopper and spokesperson said, "Our event is fully copies of our print and promotional students should not he frightened to one Bodington resident found the next Leeds University Union's Welfare Officer stewarded by our staff who are NOT material, so they are able to view our go out at night. they should still be day that she had broken her leg sometime Omar Khan. slammed Carnage. allowed to consume alcohol until their communication to students." safety conscious. She said. "Don't during the evening. They said. "We are writing to raise our group reaches the end club venue. The University's Pro-Vier-Chancellor c alk home on your own_ Walk home The University believes that all these concerns about the 'Carnage' event which whereby our venue S1A security take over for students and staff. Professor Stephen kkith a group of at least three people. students had taken part in the event. was held in Leeds on 4 February. full control of event operation and venue Scott said, "We have taken our concerns and if you're leaving University. use although a spokesman for Carnage UK "We are aware from your website that operation_ Our stewanling staff arc twice about Carnage to the police and licensing the Nighthus. It leaves regularly said there was no way of knowing if they you wish to promote responsible the number stipulated within our industry authorities following very serious from the Union steps. incidents involving our students at the last "If you're coming home from event in Leeds. Whilst we appreciate town. get a a registered cab. Amber students do - and should • enjoy their time cars will let you pay with your at university, their health and well-being student card if you have no money is a priority. We are working with Leeds on you so there's no need to walk University Union and others to tackle any home. Also, let people know where groups pmmoung irresponsible drinking you are. Let your housemates or and to help prevent any recurrence of friends know where you're going and problems seen this month. We've still,' • when you'll he hack." promotion of cheap and irresponsible Sarah added that male students drinking on our campus by banning should take heed of the advice just as distribution of flyers and we will continue touch as their female contemporaries. to support student safety campaigns." "These messages are directed to all Speaking on Iris experience of the students, and not just women_ Men event, lain Conlon, a first year politics are. equally at risk of being attacked." student and president of Bodington's Students are also advised to visit Mackey House, said. "When 1 came back the West Yorkshire Police website to Bodington there were three ambulances for more information on personal there 1 don't think the event was yen safety. well organised. and the queues were hitp://www. westyorkshire.policeark enormous. I did enjoy it but some people just went a hit too far. The stewards were • West Yorkshire Police have just students like IN and just having a arrested a man in his 20s on laugh. But I think with 1.000 students suspicion of raping two women aged going round bars and being encouraged t‘, 22 and 23 in the Lovell Park area of drink lots. people are always going to the city. drink too much." The women were attacked as they Mandy Sutherland, it first year calked home alone after a night out psychology student. said. "Everyone was in Leeds, They were robbed and drinking a lot but that's just what they do. dragged to a grassed area where they I didn't think it was more mental than the were raped. firmed Butt the *Weds took pert in the event, but both Leeds University anti LUU have soirApiainod event in Novenber„ or even an Ode), Run. Carnage UK I didn't see anyone completely out of it - I'd definitely do it again. " • -e's campaign (2) * F. P- I 6 • boors (5) • Hitcher& Diary (9) • Genesis (14 & 15) 2 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007

plexily over the quick soundhite. Phil the candidates, all promised a newspa- y the titne you read this, the vows dancing and hustings would take place Spooner. resident 0.G, (whose posters per that was for the readers, as well as will have been counted. the side•by-side. and that the latter would for Bresults will he in, and we will take the form of u freestyle rap battle feature a picture of him about to hit you time writers, and all promised to find know. along with the occupiers of the while the b-boys and girls did their over the head with a bottle, presumably solutions to the paper's mild financial Executive Committee positions for next Ihing; sadly this failed to materialise, but unless you give him your wallet andfor difficulties without giving away any hint year. who has been chosen to don the the distant sound of dance music ema- vow) kept it simple, even spitting the of what those solutions might be. But it was unlikely to make much lilac keyehain of power and lead this nating from elsewhere in the union set odd (campaign rules violating) disc very newspaper tnwards a glorious the mood, as well as serving to drown against his opponents. Some commented difference, given that the 21)-odd people future. out half of what the candidates said. that Ky Capel lacked personality. surely in attendance all either currently work for the paper or were running the cam- However last Monday. when the can- James Gardiner had clearly prepared his making him ideal for the post. while didates, newspaper staff and the odd lost rhymes land over-enthusiastic hand- Charlotte Griffiths added some much paigns. and anyway, as far as the gnu, international student gathered in the movcmentsi in advance. promising needed sugar. with a t-shirt helpfully aI electorate is concerned it's less about LtRJ Infopoint (that massive empty 'integration', 'evaluation' and quite pos- pointing out the fact that, yes. she Is a policy as it is about who can come up space in the union more used to hosting sibly 'emancipation' fin keeping with girl. and a campaign message nut wor- with the most humourous pun on their name. breakdancing classes) for the campaign his Che Guevara-themed poster cam- rying its pretty little head with detailed hustings. there was everything to play paign). Criticisms of 'wtick flow' were specifics. opting for a raft of voter- At least then we can look forward to instead. for. Levelled at Steven Smith. possibly to be pleasing platitudes some good headlines next year, which is all anyone ever reads in any case. There was a rumour that the break- expected as he opted :for lyrical cons- Overall there was little to distinguish A shared swimming pool? By Alex Doorey between student and public users W1/1111.1 university-s desire to have as min preferable tar the tali to NYC its own pool. estate a strain. Campaigliers are ale, doubt/ ta swimming pool •where serious athletes and -it'd be much more convenient having it On that the plans will yield any success. recreational users alike can teach their full site, :tad there'd he more opportunity to use A spokesperson fur the group said: "We potential, sAl ire can build a reputation for it-Most other urns have their own pool, why Cunt pail/nous rut GLOBAL are- mill convinced that the best solution for excel Iva spirting and recreational facilities" nut us' lie said, -OS .1111!1[171: IWX11 at 11-CCLI] email put pressure Leeds town. as welt as gown. is a jointly- Environmental geology student and keen on eiuticit hoeses do sieuic pint Call-Wes finani:61 facilite placed on council-owned swimmer Josh Freeman said that it would he with University. Ind somewhere near the Civic Hull and run .■• Con,rin has been raised anew a decision By Alex Dooley 1., by the council or trust partner," kiwi.* down the Interim'total in the If original plans du go ahead. the new city centre. which would leave Leeds without eenue will enable a wide range of activities any public swimming facilities. for staff and students including sub.-aqua, The plans, if silt slut, could mean that water polo, canoe polo, as well as casual Leeds will not get the private swimming pool swimming. The first floor of the building Forward thinking students in it was pmmiscd earlier in the year. and will will house the 209 station fitness suite which 'vliddlchury. Vermont have been instead he involve,' td a project rust with the will overlook the new pool. In addition the campaigning to raise awareness about council and shared with de public. Witty will have a sauna and steam room. Construction was expected to commertoe global warming, in a drive to small cafe. spectator seats and changing convince the trustee hoard of their in September, utter university council facilities. University that they must take action. approved plans rir a new ea 7 million sg we. Director of Sport Stewan Ross, who has of the-art facility, to include a 25m eight lane headed up the project said. "Staff and Aimed with research and a pool with a moveable Boor up to a depth of students have been telling us fin some year portfolio of options, the students were now that they'd like a swimming pool and a powerful voice in the colleges However, the Leeds International Pool much improved fitness facilities. decision to invest Si) million in a Action Group believe that the. University's "It's a priority for us to provide first class PLANS FOR CHANGE: An artist's impression of the original plans for biomass plant — one that is fueled by site is too remote to be useful to CIty centre facilities that will enhance the overall campus workers and residents, and that rim[ -tahling Leeds University's new pool facilitie PHOTO: tsects teeversity wood chips. grass pellets and a self- experience This plan resirinds to the sustaining willow forest, By 2012. the college will reduce its carbon emissions 8 percent below its 1991) levels — producing all of its own clean energy locally. And now, Green students tell Benn students are pushing the trustees toga carbon neutral. Long known for its progressive truilook. Middlebury is now at the forefront of the student climate to ditch dirty development change movement:This is a learning community and when the students By Chris Stevenson themselves as "a group of UK students During the meeting Mr Bain listened change. However Mr Berm did say that became the consultants, it turned the campaigning on world eawerty, human carefully to the students concerns and DIM: "Do need to be better as an project on its head." said Nan Jenks- nghts and the environnient". have stated organisation at monitoring the climate Jay. Dean of Environmental Affairs Members of the Leeds branch of the that development aid, earmarked by the "DF1D do impact of projects we fund." who chaired the student-faculty campaign group People and Planet met World Bank (working with the support In response to the meeting, Steve carbon reduction committee. with the Secretary of State for of the UK's Department for need to Halpin the Communications Concepts of carbon offsetting and International Development, Hillary International Development (DF1D) for be better Representative for the Leeds University carbon neutrality have been growing Benn, last Friday (February 9} in order poverty reduction. is being used to fund as an branch of People and Planet said: "The in popularity on American college to set out the aims the group's new gas and oil extraction projects, these group was really pleased with the level campuses. driven by new student campaign centred around climate actions produce carbon emissions as organisati- ref engagement He IMr Berm) didn't try activism. Middlebury has already control. well as taking away aid from those in on when to fob us off, he engaged in a proper been buying carbon offsets for its The campaign. entitled 'Ditch Dirty poverty. monitoring debate" operations around campus At campuses across the country. Development' which aims to cut the The demands of the 'Ditch Dirty the "We found conunon ground. but effect of climate change by lobbying tar Development' eampaign were put in there is still a long way to go to get students have been pressuring their the UK to end its support of the fossil front of Mr Berm for the first time at the impact of DELL) to commit." colleges to use renewable energy and fuel industry, as well as anointing the meeting and call fur DFID to create a our Steve went on to add: "Anyone who calling on congress to enact wants to use of renewable energy in the strategy which will: phase out all projects" support the campaign, come to legislation that encourages reductions developing world. This will also help support for fossil fuel extraction the People and Planet meetings and get in carbon emissions. end poverty by giving millions the projects, massively merease support for MP Hillary Benn involved in helping to reduce climate "We don't just see this as access to energy they did not poses), as new renewable energy sources and clumge." environmental but about civil rights" well as helping to IMO developing increase access to energy in the For more information, visit the People said 19-year-old Catherine nations in to a low carbon future. developing world by promoting low admitted that the department was ,till in and Planet website at: MeLeichern of Cornell University. People and Planet, who deseride carbon forms of energy. the process of investigating climate www.lumveopleandplanetco.uk "It's the calling of our generation."

Leeds Student newspaper - LS1/ Editor - Ben Schofield / Associate Editor - Ky Capel 1 News - Alex Doorey, Charlotte Griffiths & Rachel Hunter / Under the Radar - Michael Wooldridge, Sam Ward & Stephan Page / Extra - fames Gardiner / Comment - Hind Hassan / Sport • Michael Niles. Adam Lord & Ahran Symonds-Baig Photos - Patrick Nixon & Emma Dalzell i Online - Barry Carlyon/Advertising assistant - Hannah Swales / Advert design - Rebecca Edlin Copy editors - Vicky Sharkey, Marya Yasin, Sarah Chadwell, Louisa May Cooper, Hayley Foy, Hollie Schofield, Kyle Green, Poppy Roberts, Graeme Nye, Lucy Killoch, Nicky Drummond, Rose Hampton, Maddy McGarrie, Luke Rushworth, Zahra Bakir, Ramzy Aiwakeel, Sophie Foster & Daniel Smith Leeds Student newspaper, Leeds University Union, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 1UH; (0113) 3801 450; editorelsweb.org.uk To advertise email [email protected] Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 3 News Facebook heats up Sabb elections

By Potty Wilde vote for him or offer any further support. Safari F ile Edo View History Bookmarks Window Help it 4 q; Thu to SO Leeds With the rise of the electronic - Facebook 1 VOTE Andrew Irish- Greer it tor ACIAV1Ilti OFFICER campaign have come concerns from some that Facebook has made Union voting G 1,11 + 1-j Sup .ipleedsac facehooktom:group.phOtold-2231343S202 more exclusive. Nominees for this year's Sabb elections 'airt‘ kid Sport- atwihwt-astrft Alliadt.14 tEav Ythatoi Apph 1311, Mrs.• ta • • v, have embraced new election rules by Some have expressed concern that not canvassing online this week. all students at Leeds have access to the acebook .hane search h,owie ii•A• tativ lo•v. The introduction of electronic Internet, potentially denying them access f campaigning in this year's elections has to the most up-to-date part of the 4. VOTE Andrew Irish' Greet el for ACTIVIIIES °ma* U. Leeds added a new dimension to the campaign. Joanne Whitehead. a first year competition. and nominees are reaching Law student. feels she has missed out on kita•TaNt pan out to more students than ever before. candidate manifestos and information as a ctv,up Iniu Students not aware of the political result of being without internet access. VOTE An drew "Irish" Cofer SI for ACTIVitIES She noted that, although leafleting OFFICER action on campus are being made more ■ seemed an effective campaigning method, - : v•nriarit aware through social network site AJOREW "IRISH- GREER st FOR ACTIVITIES Facebook. it would not reach some students. "There OFFICER] Nominees are using Facebook groups is little room on a leaflet to fully explain a nominee's aims and manifesto Itttla repellence an the Sctwilet larcutive I haw to incorporate parts of their manifestos. pat red valuable Ins.* Into how tstryrors update members and drum up support commitments. unlike on Facebook. where rumba, rusiniac. SPACE ISSUES old RESOURCES within the Leeds University network, a nominee can was lyrical for nearly as Iam Matt...nth, arnanel by the Mph Qualit, at Aunty Croups amt roll wort hart/ IA nut lob .nth Groups are open. meaning that any long as they like. and far shalom attrorhaa to mato ther rnirr-s student can join and write on the group "Facebook also serves as a place where hear& wall to pose questions to the candidate or potential voters can directly contact -I vnll work hard to impletnem the new *motes to declare their support- with many nominees and question their rhetoric. Vivant, in coder to UNIFY all Sports and cotiebet nominees using the number of Facebook Without it. a student can do nothing more Ind INTEGRATE lir ovun Cully ineo Atthoi at supporters as a gauge of their success. than hope to bump into nominees outside Whether or not the number of the union if they want to find out mere." members actually reflects the number of Leeds Student did not find any sign of voters, however. is yet to be determined cheating in Facebook campaign groups, by the final count, but it has provoked vs ith all nominees insistent that their argument that electronic campaigning has supporters attach the disclaimer 'strap turned the elections into an online line' to their electronic messages. popularity contest. However, the disclaimer may not he Hind Hassan. a nominee for the post of enough to deter all forms of cheating. Equality and Diversity Officer, believes Claire Francis, a Politics finalist and that the popularity contest started long campaigner for one of the nominees said before the Facebook debate. Speaking to think Fucehonk has made it easier; Leeds Student, she commented that however, it has also made it easier to Facebook had simply provided further break the rules. proof that Sahli elections have always 'The returning officer can Lint), been based on the popularity of its respond to direct complaints OF queries. candidates. Hind said: "The LUU there fOrtl% !.(inte 'grey areas' may go elections have always been a popularity unnoticed. I do, however. have faith that contest. but the use of Facebook is now all current candidates are respecting the revealing that" system." Hind was not the only candidate who What is certain is that Facebook has had such concerns. Neil Mackenzie. provided a forum for students to directly running for the position of question and debate with nominees and Co Communications and Internal Affairs make suggestions, whilst filling the gap Officer. agreed that the elections were a for more casual and relaxed campaigning. popularity contest. but also noted that he and is more likely to bring in TIC% voters ONLINE OR OUTSIDE?: Only the polls will reveal who voted and who just posted views his group members simply as who were previously bored by the PHO f 0: 1•Ialn.s.k NI-kyr) 'members'. not as students who would campaign process Rising stars in Revving up for Revels LU U MS concert comedy awards

By Corrina Henderson that. due to the large number of By Alex Doorey Revels chocolate and Chortle, the the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in performers needed. are only performed UK's leading comedy guide. will be August. live very rarely." hosted by compere Dan Nightingale By staking a place in the final. Over 150 performers will take part in and students will have the chance to bag the event. with all of the proceeds going £2,500 prize-money and kick-start graduates will he hoping to to the North Yorkshire Music Therapy This week The Revels Student rovide an exciting perfor ance later Comedy Awards comes to Leeds for their comedy career on the live ► Centre. This local charity provides comedy circuit. Is month when they conduct and musical therapy for a variety of the regional heat of its ongoing perform. stand-up competition, The Uni that pulls the hrggest individuals in both urban and rural numbers to its heat will also win an The concert. which will also include communities that suffer from physical The Leeds evert is one of just 12 the Leeds University Union Music heats being held at some of the exclusive gig from a fatuous top and inertial learning disabilities, autism comic newly Choir, marks the debut and other mental health related UK's biggest Universities to find the appearances at Leeds Town Hall for the nest star of live comedy and. to The lineup for the comedy night problems. This is the latest charity to includes tvfo Slim. Mark Smith and orchestras' conductor Torn Norris and encourage a more receptive benefit from the annual Music Society Dave llowarth from Leeds piano concerto soloist Ben McGowan. concert. which has, in the past. audience for the budding comics. Both Leeds University finalists plan to the organisers are offering a Free University. and other comepthors supported other regional and national representmg Bradford. Manchester. continue their professional musical charities. drink to every ticket-holder on training after graduating this summer. entry. Last Anglia. York and Hull The performauce repertoire includes ersities. For more information with this concert one of their greatest A spokesperson for the awards Uri The Planets Suite by Gustav Hoist and on the event, and details of past achievements to date Racturianinov's Second Piano Concerto. was excited about the Leeds heat. w inners. visit www.chorde.co.uk_ A spokesperson for the event said: due to take place on Monday FUNNY MAN: Comedian Ray "As well us an excellent educational (February 19). "For one night only. The concert takes place in Leeds Town Peacock will headline the Leeds The heat is to be held in Pulse. in experience for tnemhcrs of the orchestra Hall on Friday March 9 at 7.15pin. a wealth of undiscovered comedic heat P1-101() ORA Magazine and choir, who have studied this famous talent will take to the stage. They the Union, at /yin on Monday Tickets are available from £8 from the licaLllined by stand-up comedian and challenging music for several will haute it out on stage in a night February 19. Tickets arc priced Town Hall box office on 1)113 2243801. Roy Peacock. The heal will see the months, it also gives audience members of live comedy. This is a night not to £.143.50 (students) and are available For more information, visit cream of new student comics vying on the door. One free drink With the opportunity to hear popular works www.luums.co.uk. be missed!" The competition. organised by for a place in the prestigious final at every ticket purchased. 4 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, Februrary 16, 2007

Library tops experience survey but accommodation greatest concern By Virginia Newman important but rated its performance as departments together in one survey will They said "The Student Eaperience was not concerned by their low rating. sixth whilst. similarly, PGR recorded it reinforce what has already been found Survey has reinforced the importance of Nigel Humphries. Head of the second most important but eighth in in individual service surveys and make accommodation for students, and they University counselling service, said: performance. a push for change and improvements. have high expections. We value student "Only four to seven per cent of the The results of the recent Student Students were asked to rank areas in With around 6,000 responses across all feedback and we will be looking at the population of students will use the Experienee Survey have shown that terms of importance and then years and courses 09% response rate), survey's results in detail to plan further counselling service in their time at aecommodution, despite being top performance using a scale of one to the survey was a success. work University and, subsequently, it would' priority, is ranked low among nine, one being the highest. Accommodation seems, so far. to he "The University aims to provide he hard for it to he the number one item. undergraduates. Students gave the University a score the area of greatest concern. There is students with a range of As far as we can tell, they get a good Students rated accommodation as of 4.09 nut of 5 for satisfaction. The clearly a problem here but the accommodation options. Our own service." According to Humphries, the their top priority but gave it a mere five Survey Coordinator David Mihell said: University says that it is aware of this accommodation includes wardens who opinions of people whom they actually for performance. 'This was found in the "Of course, we all want it to be live, but performance gap and that improving are an important part of pastoral cam: see are more useful to the counselling, first stages of analysis carried out on the the result is very pleasing." It is the first housing is a king and costly process. this is something you don't get in the team. results where different areas were rated time that a survey of University They want to help people understand private sector. Library Resources had the hest! comparison with each other. Results performance has been carried out in this that change takes time. "Research by our accommodation ratings. being ranked first in also didn't tally in the Post Graduate way. giving students the opportunity to A spokesperson for the university office shows 60% of students put performance by all groups of students. Taught and Post, Graduate Research tell organisers what they think on issues defended student accommodation run ensuite rooms top of their requirements Improvements can and will he made,, groups of students. PGT students said beyond the lecture hail and laboratory. by the University, stressing the quality and were investing in our properties so however, as the results are analYscd that accommodation was third most Organisers hope that bringing all the of housing Leeds offers. all the students who want these facilities further and the library takes into can have them. We are investing £60nt consideration comments made in the in properties including Henry Price, further comments' boxes. David Charles Morris and St Mark's flats to Mihell said: "A member of my staff is improve this important pan of student going through all the comments." life." Organisers hope to show the "Bolge Aieets B importance of the students' opinion in books u Low results were also seen in the ~basks ywrbookla,00 the categories of Sport and Physical change-making decisions. They if- Activities, Student Support. and also reiterated the slogan of the survey -"mpire Welfare and Administrative Processes. campaign. "it's your Uni, have your Slayer" Sport and Physical Activities were say". David Mittel' said: "We are ranked an average of last in importance working with all services to help them but beat this with an average of seventh get the best out of the results. It won't Book of the Month... be possible to make all changes, but we in performance. However, these low performance want people to understand why we are rankings are less reliable and picking the things we are." representative as some students do not Some problems identified are use sports or support facilities. They already in the process of being `Magic for Beginners' by Kelly Link would therefore rank them of low improved. The Student Experience importance in their student lives Survey will be complemented by the whereas they would be of greater University-wide Programme Survey.. importance to others. Organisers said which focuses on academic experiences c that they got the greatest variation of and will run after Easter. • 4 results in these two categories. For further information, contact N‘ oit ri 1,, 4" •401 • The Student Counselling Service [email protected]. kti ail.k:RAEwt Government alumni

414 fund goes national By Alex Doorey whatever level is affordable to them. The amount of money raised in the early days of the fund shows that lots of alumni giving relatively modest Tony Blair spoke this week on a new amounts can make a rind difference. plan which will encourage universities A spokesperson for the University to raise money through alumni said of the scheme: "Current students donations. a scheme that Leeds has at Leeds are already benefiting from already been carrying out since the former students' generosity in a variety launch of its Alumni Annual Fund at of ways. the University's centenary in 2004. Following the lead of American "The University offers numerous universities. who already raise much of scholarships. including sports, which trains students to work as volunteer their funding through alumni coaches with local children and also to donations, the Labour government provide coaches for our sports teams. have pledged a 1 gift for every £2 and hardship, for students whose study donated to English universities in an has been threatened by extraordinary attempt to raise a "culture of charitable giving" in higher education. financial difficulties." AG! The proposals are seen as the next The spokesperson added, "19 step in the government's higher centenary scholars Joined the University this session. They all have FOR BEGINNERS education reforms. after the come from introduction of tuition fees and the at least 3 As at A levet and attending Kelly Link attempt to get 50% of 113- to 30-year- backgrounds where olds into higher education by 2010. In University might present financial the US, universities use endowment challenges." funds worth billions of pounds to help Diana Warwick. chief executive of Univ ersities UK, the vice-chancellors' students from disadvantaged RRP £7.99 backgrounds pay fees. umbrella group. welcomed the national Since Leeds launched its campaign, proposals. £510,000 in cash and future regular She said; "This is a new and Now ,E4.99 gifts has been raised to support creative initiative which will provide a terrific boost to university finances students. The endowment scheme will be a very e The Annual Fund forms part of the Call in to see our range of non ac.-ademit, titles and +Ninth out for ncvt month's offers! welcome addition to the public funding University's fundraising and is a way for all graduates to make donations at universities rely on." Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 5

Unhelpful views of Undergrad applications Islam condemned increase by 10 per cent ■ By Julian Rae this study has since come uncle' By Alex Doorey figures are generally on the up, it has but lo( ked halt:aid to a more detailed sustained criticism. been difficult to discern the type of overview. Rummell has comtnissioned a report students applying. Roger Kline. head The most applied-to subjects at he undertaken by Muslim scholar Dr. of equality and employment rights al Leeds include. Medicine. Law: to Leading academics in the field of Ataullah Siddiqui. aimed at ensuring Apphc,itii Ii iguiv, tie UK the University and College English. Psychology, History, Arabic and Islamic studies met last that causes are not restricted to narrow uniVerStlieS is on the up. recent CUM agreed with this sentiment. Geography and Dentistry. week in Edinburgh to discuss tears interpretations of Islam. The study will reports have shown. expressed by Higher Education Minister also examine the nature of spiritual Leeds is one of numy universities Bill Rummell that "narrow and advice available to students on campus, to see an upturn in the number of unhelpful" interpretations of Islam were and its recommendatinns are expected students from home and abroad available to many young people. to he revealed soon. applying for undergraduate courses. Rummell said last year that some In anticipation of this, the scholars at in a rise of 10.8 per cent, a figure students were exposed to "wrong- the Edinburgh conference have significantly higher than the majority headed' influences in the name of published their own report defending of other unis. religion. in particular "teachings that current practices and wanting that A spokesperson fot the university either explicitly condone terrorism, or political pressures will encourage agreed that there had been an foster a climate of opinion which is at dangerous self-censorship. increase in Leeds' applications. least sympathetic to terrorists' The report argues that teaching "Leeds has seen a 10.8 per cent motivation." Islamic Studies leads to a better increase in applications for Professor Yassir Sulieman, who understanding of Islam for Muslims and undergraduate courses from home convened the Edinburgh conference, non-Muslims alike, and could help and EU students this year and this described the 'bewilderment' felt by undermine extremism as a result. includes increases in all faculties, himself and his colleagues at these II eoes on to contest Rammell's The rise is significantly above the fears. Professor Ian Netton. Head of comments that the field is 'narrow and national average of (1.4 per cent. Arabic and Middle Eastern Studies at unhelpful', pointing out that the Islamic according to figures released by the Leeds University, was also present at Studies curriculum is "balanced. University and Colleges Applications the conference and commented earlier nuanced and designed with the long Service fUCAS) today. this week: term intellectual interests of the student The spokesperson went on to "1 do not believe that students on the at heart." attribute this rise to the quality and Leeds University campus are exposed to The report also stated that lecturers variety of the uni's course options. 'wrong-headed influences' in their delivered this curriculum with integrity. This increase in applications to studies." but conceded that they could not control Leeds reflects the quality of courses Rammell's comments came after a how students used the knowledge that at the University and our reputation study conducted by an academic at they received. for academic excellence, The drive to Brunel University revealed active make sure Leeds is applicants' first extremist groups. including the British choice will continue throughout the National Party, in twenty four year." FIRST CHOICE: Leeds battles to become the candidates' favourite Ph-tm( 1 1'1 universities across the country. While Although national application

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some previous experience. It's harder for everyone makes room for a dancer to have sinnate about it, to the point of obsessiou,.. Name: Elena Peters-Savva girls - there att less trained mate dancers. their space on the floor The show has EP-S: You have to he, otherwise you won't Occupation: Dance Exposé We do loads of styles. and we work on our roughly about 21 dances, varying from be good. It's the same with anything. if you member show from September, contemporary and hip-hop to ballet and love it, you'll practise and you'll improve. LS; How long have you been dancing lor" tap. it's a random mixture. Some of the You can tell that everyone in Dance EP-S: Well I've been doing ballet since I dances have been put weedier by the Expose is passionate about dancing. was four. jazz since i was eight. and then dancers themselves. LS: Would you ever go on 'Strictly Dance I'd go on when I went to drama school I started LS: Have you done one of these shows Fever'? Strictly Dance doing street dancing. at about I I. I've also berm? EP-S: Yeah, I really want to go on it, When been doing brealediuteing for about a year. EP-S. This is my first Dance Expos6 show I was in America this year I watched 'So Fever for a laugh - LS: That must be very different... - the people who did it last year said it's You Think You Can Dance'?' and it was I'd be lucky to make EP-S: Break-dancing's tough because it's amazing. very tiring but also so rewarding. phenomenal_ They're obviously profes- the first round self-disciplined. I'm used to classes with I'm really nervous because a lot of people sion*, it was incredible. I'd go on Strictly routines and a teacher pushing you. With have high expectations of the show, espe- Dance Fever fora laugh but I'd he lucky to break-dancing you have to push yourself. cially my friends. People should watch is get through the first round - they're amaz- If you want to make it in the dance world. as a show, as lots of dances rather than ing. LS; I'd do it tor the costumes alone. LS. Welcome to 300 seconds, how are you you do have to push yourself hard. individuals. Its about the choreography US EP-S: Yeah. people will like the costumes today? LS: Do you see dancing as a future career? and people working together a team. EP-S: Very well thank-you. Always busy EP-S:I'd like to have a couple of years LS: You rehearse Wads, it must be s good in the show. LS: I'm hoping for lots of sequins, everyday. I'm a buSybudy around Lvxds. Messing around, trying to get a couple of way of keeping in shape. EP-S: Well one of the dances features LS: So tell us about Dance Expose... dance jobs. You might sec one of us on EP-S: I think in terms of rehearsals, they're flgsh-coloured brus and sequins - I'm not EP-S: Dance ExpOse hold auditions in Sep- MTV one day' It's not well-paid and it's fun. but they 're also stressful because you in that one thank-goodness. tember. looking for dancers of a certain very competitive. I'd do it for a while but want it to be good enough to put on stage. standard. not forever. In terms of keeping in shape, if you give it LS: Not for those of us with two-left Ii.vt LS: Tell us about the upcoming Dance your all every rehearsal then it's a good 'Make Room' is running from 20-24 Feb- ruary. then? Expose show. work-out. if you do it half-heartedly then Riley Smith Hall, 7.30pin EP-S: You don't have to be amazing but EP-S: It's called 'Make Room' - like when it's not. It varies with each individual. Ticket are on sale all week. there is a certain level, you have to have you're in a club or there's a dance-oil and LS: People who dance tend to he very pas-

The Wooldridge report Talking women's issues, Uniting for a house party globalisation and Islam By Alex Doorey they'll he able to stop dancing for a and how dangerous this N for our displayed. says to me that there is this second" they said. The lineup for the democracy...in very general terms. He all encompassing unit of 'women' who evening includes Radio l's Edith made a point about the perceptions collectively suffer - in exactly the same UNITE, the independent student Bowman. will be dropping a mix of people have of Muslims resisting way'- all of the problems suggested. housing agency, are to hold their own dancefloor new and old. Globalisations and how this translates What it actually did. as far as I'm house party this week. On a live up, the new streamlined to - more often than not - the Muslim concerned. was to personalise it, make The free event, 'Crashed', is open to all Big Brovaz will be showcasing new world being separated into 'moderates' it applicable to all the audience. and Leeds University students. It is being material alongside previous records and 'f undamentalists'. explain that 'women's issues' apply to held to advertise the new Unite Plaza front their album 'Nu How', The night Although limited, 'The Vagina us, as people. but in very individual facility in the city centre_ also boasts an appearance from ex Monologues' received criticism which ways. By the same token. the reality of This will he one of several new Radio I and Dreem Team Di Spumy. suited that the issues wrapped up in the being a Muslim in both a Globalisine developments for the company, who pros ,ding R&B and hip-hop. By Michael Wooldridge eallection of monologues was treated world and the world in general cannot also run first year halls James Baillie in level of disregard so great, that it simply he separated into either a Hyde Park. Free Tickets to the event are available diminished the power and weight of the 'moderate' or a 'fundamentalist' camp. A spokesperson for the company at The Plaza. UNITE's property in the Only two things happened on campus piece, and that the audience could not Furthermore. problems of a globalising promised an excellent night of music centre of Leeds on 19 and 20 February. this week. Anyone who tells you engage with the 'real' issues at hand. world and the world as a whole are and free giveaways. "With the musical otherwise is wrong. and should These examples point to a rather applicable to all of us. but on different talent we'll he supplying. we doubt probably go home and think about what alarming similarity seen in the levels, and in different contexts. whilst they've done. No Union elections took the problems remain the same. treatment of 'groups who face issues', • --a• place. no children or animals were set The tact that one is not part of a free into society, so stop it will you. gmup means that - as it stands at the kw:rem Only a talk on '[slam and AA moment-one can ignore it. discriminate (Ilobalisation' and 'The Vagina against it or sympathise with it Monologues' occurred. OK? No Union elections claiming that one thinks it great they So, whilst these two topics might took place on can voice themselves. and how awful it seem rather dismnt to each other. there must he. is a familiar point to be drawn from campus this week, But. as Tariq Ramadan said in his both. OK? talk on Wednesday. we approach the 'radii Ramadan talked of other with preconceptions and media Olobalisation. not as an issue that 97 spawned infirmation. No affects the Muslim world specifically. and one's attempts to 'understand' understanding is gained over the idea but more than that He talked of the these groups. To think that the message that we belong to groups, whose view of 'Alter-Glebalisation' that sees of the recent production of 'The Vagina members - irrespective of groups - Globalisation as a force that is here to Monologues' was undercut due to it's have an array of similarities. The most stay, but is being resisted throughout sheer energy, fun and celebration, and basic of these similarities being that the whole world due to the current state that really, there should have been this we are all as intricate, complicated and of affairs: Trans National Corporations sanctimonious. victimised message individual as one another. FLASHY: The common room area in Unite's new Plaza building being directly linked to the EU and [IS, PHOTO: UNITE Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday. February 16, 2007 Campaigners with a heart of gold By Alex Gilchrist in order to try to persuade them to the industry as a whole.- H. Samuel engage with CAFOD policy makers. have already signed up to these The decision to choose the february guidelines. due to pressure from the Members of the Leeds Catholic 14 was one taken by the Catholic campaign. but although Goldsmith's Society took to the streets on Society in Leeds due to the high and Argos have agreed nominally to Valentine's Day to continue their number of people buying gold gifts the principles of the campaign, they Unearth Justice Campaign against for their loved ones. Their aims are want to be assured that this is a unethical mining in third world laid nut as •12 Golden Rules'. and viable avenue for them to go down. countries such as the Democratic their demands are that mining and that the goals are achievable Republic of Congo and Honduras. companies follow. basic ethical before they sign up. Dan Hale. a As an associated society to the standards that comply with third ycur student at Leeds Catholic Agene} for Overseas fundamental human rights outlined in University. said that "Argos is more Development, the Leeds Catholic international conventions. intransigent than the other jewellers society asked its student members In April. the Council nt Jewellery and therefore needs to be targeted from Leeds University. 1.eeds Suppliers will gather for their annual more for reform." Metropolitan and Trinity All Saints meeting, in %%Inch they will agree The campaign came about after to convince members of the public to upon their policies for the following evidence was uncovered that sign their Valentine's day cards and year. Margaret Siberry. CAFOD extractive industries caused gold paper links that they would later manager for the Leeds area. heightened poverty and pollution to give to the mangers of the Leeds commented that "the notion is that the communities in which they are branches of Goldsmith's and Argos the Council will adopt the 12 Golden active. There is no evidence that Rules into the code for conduct for mining benefits local miners, and 1 even if such evidence was found. there is 110 longoity in the extractive inclustr) Mines rarely stay active for more than 20 years, and following this period locals are left with a legacy of pollution. unemployment. displacement and a loss of agricultural land. For every gold ring mined, 18 tonnes of waste is SIGNING UP: The chain meets with a local jeweller to ask for his support produced, and dangerous (tomcats F'r a)7Cr LealS Catholic Socoty such as cyanide. among others, which are used to OA tract such natural resonrces, the hope of line, CAFOD are attempting to stop Minerals. are lett to contaminate CAFOD is to reduce this shocking exploitation in other areas that water supplies. statistic and decrease third world benefit western commerce and that is CAFOD is taking part in an poverty In November 200h they detrimental to third world international 'Say No To Dirty Gold" were joined in a similar petition in communities. campaign to put an end to this Leeds by peace coordinator and Claire Barrie. a third year art poverty. injustice and marginalishon, former miner Franck Bura from the student at I.eeds University and and wants jewellers to put the needs Democratic Republic of Congo who menthe" of the Catholic Society. said of communities above those of the gave them first hand knowledge of —the aim a to make a change to mining companies and themselves how to tackle this problem. and how these companies' policies by the By tackling the problem at the gold mining really affects these war- annual meeting in April. but failing suppliers of these unethically mined torn communities, that. we will not stop until we minerals. gold itself being a £2 After finding success with the succeed in gold being resourccd billion a year industry in the UK. 'Clean up your Computer ethically and humanely." they are hoping for the campaign to Campaign'. in which Hewlett- For further information visit the VALENTINE: Two campaigners handing out Valentine's cards in the city 'trickle down' to its source. With a Packard. Dell and IBM were campaign website at: centre quarter of all wars waged over petitioned to stop outsourcing their w 4.11 tOd.Org. krunearthjustice or PHOTO: Leeds Catholic Society labour to Mexicans on the poverty W1,51.1 .riod ri ygold.org US diplomat speaks on state of affairs By AleA Doorey tools they need. the Democrats need to bombings, Libya has given no support of quite a long transfomiation. to a large number of University have a look at the budget package, and to any terrorism" she said. "When However. he was always going to make students, and faced tough questioning not put troops in jeopardy.- Ghdaff, handed over the Lockerbie this change" on all areas of US involvement. US diplomat Leslie Tsou offered a When Leeds Student asked her suspects ill 1999, it was the beginning The diplomat went on to give a talk refreshingly honest approach to the about her time at university, she state of US affairs when she visited admitted she had not been a yen Leeds last week. politically active student. "I went to The diplomat. formerly involved in uni in Washington DC. so I suppose the restructure of is U.S embassy in that helped, but I was never involved in Libya after many years of troubled student politics. relations, was invited to speak to the -I must mention that I am not a student body by newly formed society politician. I have never run for office the International Debate Forum. She and never intend to, but diplomacy and spoke frankly on US involvement and politics can never be separated. I was diplomatic affairs when she visited the interested in how University life fit into University on Friday February Y. national polities at the time." She was sympathetic to students' Speaking about being a young frustrations about the ongoing saualiim woman in the male-dominated field of in Iraq. and welcomed their interest in politics. she had positive advice for it. She said. "I understand students' aspiring female politicians at frustration with the situation. and anger university. She noted that there had can be a good tool in polities. never been a problem when she worked especially when it comes to Iraq. in Libya, a country that still has Moving troops in might work, but it specific ideas on gender roles. "Don't might not. We're going to give it a worry (about being female). I suppose try." you mentioned Libya because when I She added that the Democrats' plans went thew I was a young, single to cut funding to troops in Iraq would woman, Apart from not being able to be a hypocritical move, saying. "it speak Arabic when I went to Libya, would he hypocritical of congress to there were no hindrances.- remove funds for the troops that are She also praised Libya, adding that it had received a reputation it did not DIPLOMACY: Tsou is just one of many prolific guest speakers invited by the International Debate Forum already out there. denying them the ■ deserve. "Past the 1993 Lockerbie PHOTO. Jeremy 0.tall P' 8 Leeds Studentwww.leedsstudentorg.uk Friday, February 16, 2007

Under the Radar The life of a Prostitute

By Michael Wooldridge mother and heroin addicted, armed rob- Lynda walks up to him, thumps hint & Stefan Page ber father. Stability was a distant numerous limes, and pushes him across prospeet as she was shuffled from care the road. home to care home until the age of 15. it "He's the dirtiest bastard alive.. Just CITY & HOLIWCK. LEEDS: It you was then she gave birth to her now nine- watches me from phone boxes and mas- draw a line between the Corn Exchange year-old daughter. and then again at 17 turbates." "I do about three punters and Leeds Train Station, the division she had a baby boy. With critical health Her nine-year-old lives at home with a night, at least one of separates the heaving clubs and shops issues, the boy died aged two, and Lynda and the girl's father and they those will be bad." Which, from the residential. the offices and tow. throughout bouts of depression. Lynda receive support from Social Services. she tells us on further ering hotels. South of that line, amonest .tarred to use the 'gear' that she now Lynda speaks of the financial strain of the hotels and offices. from about 1 1 pm her daughter wanting 'Reehok' and questioning, means they funds through prostitution. Questions to the early morning, Water Lane. Sover- about her son are greeted with a hunch- 'Nike', her drug habit, and the fact that abuse her. eign Street. the bottom of Call Lane and ing of shoulders and she turns away she supports her partner's heroin habit all the roads that link the three. are the telling us she didn't want to discuss him too. She tells us of her desire to be a good home of the Leeds inner city 'Red Light' any further. mother, but explains: "If I was a good District.. Locals describe how the region The dangers we expect to hear about mum. I'd he home looking after my 'moved from Spencer Place in Harehil Is' are passed off with a blasé air. "IS or 16 daughter. and not selling mysvlf." about four years ago and Leeds' prosti- times" was the vagueness with which When asked how she feels about her tutes now work these sparse but well-lit she recalled the times she has been life. she says quickly. "I do cry - streets backing onto a mate of alleyways raped. and reminded us that the next day admit. I'M ashamed of it. its like selling just beyond the heart of the city. would always he a working day in order my soul to the devil." She wants to he an After al hour and a half, we come to maintain a regular income. She recalls interior designer: "Hopefully one day I across a woman having an argument it kidnapping at knifepoint and being will - I'm only 24." with a man. We walk past - she follows forced to recite the alphabet backwards Lynda was recently issued an ASBO cluiekly. lust rot a cigarette. then. whilst being raped. The rapist was taken that prevents her from walking on certain through tier young smile. she oilers tis to court. and given a very light sentence streets in the city. The police move pros- business. -- I'll do vOLI both for forty as the victims - all drug addicts and sex titutes on or leave them overnight in cells quid," she promises. but it takes a good workers - were considered unsuitable to and release them at 6 am. She. suggested rive minutes to persuade her that were stand as witnesses in eoun. that they are disproportionately unfair to nca after 'business'. The supply.. she tells us, is growing, prostitutes in comparison to their treat- Lynda loot her real na mel agrees to a but the demand isn't, which, even in the ment 1'it punters. The Market Mace - a drink and twenty pounds. But working light of the Ipswich murders in Decem- drop-in centre and support service for girls aren't regularly allowed mtnhars in ber 2006, has lead to this -dog eat dog under 26-year-olds - claim that the the surrounding area, so we settle fur a world [...in which... I you've got no poi ice are making the problem worse by seat on the steps of the Corn Exchange friends. only acquaintances". Further- issuing ASROs and arresting the wrong where I .ynkla lets us in tin a glimpse of more, this situation - a buyer's market- parties. But from a police perspective. her life. has lead to the. decrease in prices, and Leeds represents a sy mbol of success in Her face is older than her twenty-four Lynda explains that she links charges tackling prostitution. The core of the years would suggest and her dying teeth twenty pounds for a "NOW and thirty working girls has decreased from 400 to :me characteristic of her drug habits. for sex. She is pregnant at the moment, 100 in recent years due to an increased When asked what she's nn. she replies: so is no longer doing sex. presence of the police, vice squad and on both.- This may he bud for business. The support. However. Lynda explains that -Both what?" we ask. being on both commercialisation of doe industry, for it taking her off the streets doesn't stop her heroin and .crack cocaine has be-conic is just that, seems startling to the uniniti- needing money. She looks at prostitution such in everyday reality within the cir- ated. Lynda describes how she has to as a self-inflicted crime. She believes cles of working eirls, that there could be struggle to market host If su that she has that unlike stealing and other drug relat- no other conceivable combination of enough regulars to sustain a healthy ed crimes, prostitution only involves the drugs-a combination which Lynda her- trade. punters and the girls. Prostitution is not self has heen on for five years now. She Transactions are brief and simple. an isolated issue, or a symptom of a assures us that she only smokes heroin Sex involves the least nudity possible: it problem that can be stamped out with a due to the risks of HIV. but the scabs on is a matter of "just going round hack and new initiative. the hack of her hand suggest otherwise. dropping pjs". After a little shy of a 45 minutes. our Genesis - the care and social service "I do about three punters a night. at encounter comes to an end and Lynda SOVEREIGN STREET, LEEDS: In centre for girls in Leeds - has helped least one of those w ill be had." Which. returns to her punters. Her story is by no between the 'Cockpit' and the bot. means unique; parts of ii play out time torn of Call Lane, Working girls Lynda with housing and got her onto a she tells us on further questioning, means spend their evenings looking for methadone programme w altin three days they abuse her. and again each evening. SS its countless potential punters, trying to stay of her going there. Last week, she was punched in the girls and in numerous cities. We'd met. out of the arms of the police Her life story begins to unfold. She face. Whilst we were talking to Lynda. with her so we could tell a good story, spent her- childhood with an alcoholic the man we had seen her with arrives. We paid her just £30.

PSG from Leeds on Al- Journalist still imprisoned in Britains oldest woman Yorkshire Fishing competi- Also in the news Jazeera America dies in Yorkshire tion Members cif the Palestinian So!Rim it). aw,ii Wull beeatue the longest impris- i:pion, West Yorkshire: The oldest A day with the tiger Woods of the Group [PSG] from Leeds University are oned journalist to American history on woman in Britain has died at the nix age angling world is what awaits the winners featured in a documentary on-Palestine. Fehurary 6 for ignoring a subpoena that of III. Janet Howse, 61, attributed her of West Yorkshire Police's 14th annual made by Qatar-hased media company demanded he hand in video footage of mother, astoundi ng longevity to a fife of fishing competition. Bob Nudd. the four- Al-Jazeera. anti G-8 acusists. "clean living" and her daily, meal of times fishing World Champion and Eng- The documentary which is titled - Wolf was imprisoned on August I bread and dripping with salt. Mrs land Squad Would Chainpion has cast his thmugh translation - "Undercover- was 2006ifier withholding information and Mason. from Upton. died in peacefully support to this year's event. Budding show a at 9. I 5prn on Thursday. refusing to testify at all, He was let Out on in her sleep on Friday February's. The anglers looking for the chance to fish The clip in the documentary was bail in September and was forced to longest unambiguously documented alongside their idol are being called upon taken on a mobile phone by an attendant return to jail 22 days later pending a 9th lifespan is that of Jeanne Calment of to get their applications in early. The at the ':Anti-/ionism is not Anti- Circuit Court Appeal. I-k has served a 1:rance 4105- 1997), who was aged 122 event takes place on the Calder/ Hobble Sernetisni talk that took place last term sentence of 1 79 days until present. There. years and I 64 days at the time of her Horhury. Wakefield on August 4 on Leeds University Lint-pus. to which is no suggestion that he will be released death. Jeanne ("airman met Vincent Van 2007. Those who want to he sent an Al -Jafeeta was denied access. Roth any time Noon. Gogh when aged 14. The population and application must contact Anne Shaw at West Yorkshire 'Police Community Sur and l'SG menthe'. V, ere interviewed This has been an example of another lifespans of the world's oldest people arc by the media company journalist in the US being forced to sub- continually increasing due to improve- Safety on 1019241292271. mit sources. http:/firee ish.phss ik f coin ments in healthcare and lifestyle

with story ideas or feedback, email [email protected] Under the Radar is a weekly round-up of national and global news that hasn't hit the headlines. To get in touch with the sub editors Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday. February 16, 2007 9 HItCh exit r a

Prostitute support LS extra visits a l .ee.ds sex worker support centre to find out how the city's prostitutes 12c t help when they need it.

Chinese religion Are the Chinese deserting Communism rot religion? Christine Cooper in\ estigates.

Leeds RAG Amterdam Hitch despairing I ri1IC the passport '07 - the odyssey office. 'Hello; National Passport I'm in the RAG Office. Can I take your name Viv office the day before we proceed?' Balls. If they WedneSlIdN 10.49 0 hick i e. have my name they'll have my Fuck. Or. at least, that's what I before departing soul. it'll give me :may. They'll Hitchers' want to say... I'm in the RAG put me on some sort of list and. office the day before departing for for Amsterdam, when I Icy to whisk through Amsterdam. and have . jtist noticed and have just passport control unnoticed. the that my passport's expired Last police will be waiting with dogs June. 1-liov am I going to get out of noticed that my and CS spray and machine guns . this one'? Can I get over the border passport's 'Llut, sorry: you're breaking up. I without anyone noticing'? No-one ean't...hear...you'. I bang up the needs to know, light? Waarg! expired. Last phone. NO1A, what in the name of diary God am i going to do'' I ring my Instead of uttering it string of expletives land thus giving away June. How am I mate Philly who's a law student my new trip-jeopardising secreti I going to get out and general font of all knowledge. say 'la di dab. ton. what's the date She tells me I might be able to today?' in the helpful RAG lady at of this one? sneak INTO Flolland but not the desk. 'The 24th' she replies. necessarily out Of it. And I might LS extra correspondants Vivien That's January 24. 2007, just to he thrown into an immigration clarity. Definitely not anytime centre...on suspiCIlln of drug g and Act/tnn before June 22. 2006. I am verily smuggling on a lake passport" screwed. Well. that helps me decide a little hitch-hiked to Amsterdam for bit more easily: I'm going to have 10.53 I make some excuse and find to get a ne%v passport from the charity. This is the memoir of their an empty room on the same nearest fast track office in European journey. corridor. After a moment's Liverpool. Which. conventently- , is 10 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 Extra Hitch

about 15 minutes from my however, we start noticing the Fortunately, we have managed to weighs about four stone from the fanatics travelling to Bruges to hitching partner's hometown. signs pointing to Manchester? And not fuck this bit up entirely. There duty free shop, we are ready to spend ludicrous amounts of money Sweet. But this is going to be a Liverpool? Hang on a minute. This are now approximately four jump ship at 07.00_ A comically on the flying vermin, he unleashes long day... can't be right. We've just COME minutes and 23 seconds left before dysfunctional register is taken, in an intense account of the trials and from Liverpool. And Liverpool is we're supposed to be on the boat which everyone discovers that tribulations of his family. Some Dan on the LEFT HAND SIDE of so we leg it round the port for a bit, certain couples arc most probably painfully uncomfortable moments 13.08 We manage to make the one England. And )lull was on the and end up having to wait in the still making babies in their follow in which Mr Pigeon claims o'clock train to Liverpool. After a RIGHT last time I checked, Utter, queue like the plebs we really are, respective cabina, and we traipse that he would 'do time' should he swift journey of an hour and three utter balls. It appears none of us willing everyone to hurry the fuck off the boat and into the sub-zero ever find his daughter's ex- quarters, we arrive at Lime Street has noticed we've been driving for uuuuuuup for the love of God. temperatures of beautiful boyfriend. and flag down one of the local an hour in the wrong direction up Clutching my shiny new Zeebrugge. hackneys. The driver, an archetypal the M62. An ENTIRE HOUR. Ace. passport (whose photo makes me 09.33 We finally arrive in Bruges. seouser. no doubt with a story or After a swift U-turn and a few look like a convict. and wall for the Dan Hurrah! After thanking Mr Pigeon two in his back pocket, takes us to mildly panicked telephone 'chats' next 10 years until it bloody well 08.21 We immediately come with a bone crunching handshake, the passport office (which turns out to the group leaders, who are expires again), we go through across a group of fellow hitchers we set off to discover the to be less than a 10 minute walk already in godforsaken Amsterdam, passport control and make it looking to blag their way onto a wonderful city, famous for its away). We arrive there at half we speed the opposite way hack through without any strip searches coach. and decide to do the same. medieval architecture and lace, three. I stand and wait as V through Leeds and hopefully in the whatsoever. Success! We are on Success! V and I fill up the last don't you know. approaches the desk. Paranoid right blimmin' direction. our way_ Now all I need to do is two seats; up front, next to the thoughts stream through my head - survive 12 hours on a boat in a driver. What follows is a half-hour V "you've got no chance, darling": 17.28 At last. we arrive at the port cabin with three people notoriously summary of the life and times of a 09.36 Fuck lace, let's get hitching "it'll take at least a week. love"; and, somehow, nearly manage to prone to seasickness. Joy. 67-year-old coach driver from for Christ's sake! After wandering "we only give passports out to drive straight on to the ship. Middlesbrough father, aimlessly for a bit. I decide to go straights". Fortunately enough (not Severe error! I jump out and ask Friday 08.06 After a stress-free grandfather, hero. After informing into the foyer of a hotel to put on a so fortunate for V who is forced to someone wearing important- journey. during which I have to us that the tubby passengers he is second pair of trousers and a third pay the princely sum of £108), the looking epaulettes whether we're restrain myself from buying a carrying (who couldn't really look jumper. Dan helpfully films this passport will be ready tomorrow actually in the right place. Yes. £34.99 Toblerone which probably any more English) are pigeon graceful transformation into some morning. Thank twat for that. kind of Michelin Woman. (Cheers

14.46 This is V's first time in Liverpool. I decide to show her the What follows is a cultural hotapots of Europe'', half-hour Capital of Culture — others", Ise known as the bars, Matthew Street summary of the is famous for its musical heritage, life and times of home to The Cavern Club and various pubs dedicated to The a 67-year-old Beatles. But V has got absolutely coach driver from wank taste in music and slates The Beatles incessantly until I'm ready Middlesbrough - to cry blasphemy. Hence, we father, bypass what is probably one of the most famous streets in the world grandfather, hero and head on to a snazzy bar, The Jacaranda. for a. swift four or five.

Thursday 10.15 We head back to Liverpool the next morning after staying the night at my family abode in the Wirral The passport is acquired (V looks like a criminal in the photo)„.SUCCESS' All we need to do now is get to Leeds, then Hull. and then Amsterdam What could possibly go wrong from hereon in? On the train hack to Leeds_ we start to relax Mistake. The matting ticket oft(, claims we have the wrong tickets and I end up paying an e xtr,. sodding termer. Furthermore, we have to sign in to the RAG office before two o'clock and the train is running lute. Twat twat and double twat. After phoning the RAG office to make sure they won't forget about us. we finally arrive in Leeds at 13.45, jump in a taxi and arrive at the RAG cave with only minutes to spare. Phew,

V 13.5b We get to the union, sign in at the RAG office with a triumphant flourish and go our separate ways - pan home to pack his straighteners, me to the Union Oxfam to buy some much-needed insulatory accessories. I jet home as well to pack and meet my housemate Carley who has willingly/foolishly agtced to give ita: a lift to Hull in her clapped-out Fiesta. OK, OK, were meant to hitch all the way, but the sodding passport fiasco liar scuppered those plans. We've got to be there by 17.311. Thai gives us pleuty of tints', non? Dan arrives and we set off; soon, we're powering down thy motorway and, after about an hour, we're trying to figure out which hits of civilisation on the horizon WINDY: Amsterdam, famed for its puff, also gets its fair share of blow. and is host to any number of windmills. might he our destination. Then, ! Ci Ri=x Leeds Student www.leedsstudent org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 11 Hitch for that. YouTube it and you die...I creatures known to man, horn in 1 waddle over to the bemused the depths 01 hell and conic LO receptionists and attempt. in dire earth to haunt naive. unsuspecting French. to convey Mai we arc travellers. A Rottweiler of skanky lost hitch-hikers wanting to gargantuan proportions jumps at gel the bell out of their town. the front window of its dwelling, Giving us an exquisite map and comically smacking its ugly head some confused smiles. they set us on the glass, howling at its prey V on the 'correct route'. which, as it flies at least three feet into the air turns out. is the complete opposite in sheer fright. I stand without direct ion of our desired flinching, of course, destination, We stumble upon a bus and train station. 'Let's get the bus 17.34 When we eventually find a to Chem!' I beg. But, alas, Dan has petrol 'station. we are absolutely much more pride than me. So, in knackered and so decide to linger short. w e spend two hours milling for a while in its warmth. After around the roads of Bruees like asking what must he about 31.I disorientated waifs, holding our motorists if they are heading to 'Amsterdam. please!' sign at a Amsterdam and not one of them pitiful angle and nearly getting saying yes. disillusion begins to set killed by disgruntled cyclists. At in. To combat it. we decide to last we decide that. it we spend one peruse the ridiculous ready meals more moment in Bruges, we might on offer in the petrol station. After kill ourselves. so return to the a good chuckle at dishes that look same tram station where we were like Wayne Rooney, we think it just two hours previously and best to get a bus into the centre of gleefully purchase some gleaming Rotterdam and see what we can tickets to Antwerp. Screw dignity! manage from there, To add to our On the platform, we meet Iwo tither = GLORIOUS: The port of Hull (above) bathed in early morning sunshine. It is the travel hub for many a 'stag do' heading hitchers who have had the same for Amsterdam's bright tights but, for our hapless pair, it is almost the scene of another travel disaster. And a hitcher in God-given brainwave and jump When ik action (below), trying to find route to a rather ill-tempered Zeebrugge, aboard the most fabulous train in eventually find a PHOTOS. ADAI'vt MUSH the world. OK. it's not quite the Orient Express hut. at this point, petrol station, we we're darn happy to see anything are absolutely with wheels willing in transport its In the eeneral direction of knackered and so Amsterdam. As we dial to our decide to linger fellow hitchers, it !UM out that the girl byes right near my hometown. for a while in its and we have a hunch of tenuously warmth. After linked mutual acquaintances.. Quite bizarre to he discussing the asking what must intricacies of Bedfordshire life be about 30 with someone I met ten minutes 4}2,0 on a train in Antwerp, but motorists if they fabulous. nonetheless I are heading to Having reached Antwerp. we Amsterdam and get the tram to the hitching riot one of them lunspot, and soon discover. !bat neither of our credit cards are .,-tying yes. working and we have about IS disillusion begins Emirs in cash between us. Fab! We SUMO by the road and are o set in immediately picked up by a kindly lady with a minuseule car. She thinks nothing at completely holding up the angrily honking row of traria behind us as we clamber in sv nil me desperately trying to wedge myself an aMong,t. ahem ?3 rucksaeks oil the tiny haekseat. After some general Jet chat for Arum half the tourney. Dan and I nearly tall a lecf ei the Car.N tropical heat. When the car curves in an abrupt halt as we reach out stop. we say our goodbyes and prepare id' freeze our extremities oft in the hope of finding another perfect hitch.

Dan 16.05 The lady. whose name escapes me. drops us off in an enjoyment. it starts to rain...11 lot. But even getting the train proves ticket machines accept my Maestro. from...Pizza Hut to' s sill about the unbelievably awkward spot at 4am. It is also very, very cold. difficult. Along the Way we have Hurrah and thank God! We are culture'. In the middle of about five separate tried to get cash out at numerous going to Amsterdam. On the cash By a quarter to eight we are en major roads, we need to find Di.33 By the time we get into ATM machines and have each time front. we refuse to dive in We find the train to Amsterdam. somewhere to hitch from tit's Rotterdam (The Beautiful South are failed. The bastard European out that if V could pay on her illegal to hitch from motorway lay, by now firmly rooted in my head), Machines refuse to acknowledge Mastercard she could get a V bySI. Thus, We are left roaming the O is six o'clock. We have been 4.;ads Mastercard worldwide maximum of 20 euros' cashha,k. 2 Lao Finally' Amsterdam' Yes' roads outside Rotterdam for about travelling for nearly 10 hours and my .uric. Up until Miw we have We enter the station shop just It's cool, pretty and everyone's half an hour in search of a petrol we are fed up. I know it's called a survived on about 20 quid that V before it is about to close in order stoned! We would tell you about station or a sere ice depot, On our charity 'hitch' and that people who changed to euros on the ferry. but to buy. all individually, a push- how we nearly got killed by an mini ramble, we encounter a row of have sponsored us don't expect us now we are really up against it. We pop. some deodorant and sonic angry tam-driver. and the incident houses down a side street adjacent to use recognised modes of need cash badly. Would the shaving gel. This pisses the shop with the mushrooms on the tram. to the motorway - the residents transport. but they aren't there. So machines in Rotterdam help us assistants off no end: the phrase and the speaking in tongues, but must just love living there. Despite we decide In fuck it and get the out? No. This is getting ridiculous; 'we've got homes to go to. you we're running out of paper... So we their over-polluted location. these train! Plus. we find out when we On the prospect of being stuck in know' is apparently popular in recommend that YOU do the houses appear warm. homely and get to Amsterdam that most of our Rotterdam t didn't know whether Holland as well, But we now have Amsterdam Hitch for RAG next idyllic. HUT NO. This is merely a fellow 'hitchies' have got a train at to laugh or cry. money - (Al curets to he exact - and year, and see if you survive it as front as they arc actually home to some point - a few all the way. Fortunately enough. for some we promptly celebrate by buying well_ some of the most terrifying Therefore, we refuse to feel guilty. miraculous reason, the self-serve three slices of greasy pizza 12 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 - Genesis A sanctuary from Leeds' vice streets

Like every British city, Leeds' streets are walked each night by prostitutes looking for business. Rarely are they given respite from work into which many are forced and few can get out of. But a city drop-in centre offers some hope. Thea Lenarduzzi reports

„ Cl allOther tow er block shoots shoe-laces (this may take longer than and breathe Leeds because they have to. excluded from its comforts; those who oblivious masses and theirs is a song up in the middle of Leeds. prom- expected for some. myself included). They can see us but we can't see them don't factor into our everyday lives? We you must use your eyes to hear. A king stick city centre living and we are slowly being engulfed by a bub- because, even if we were looking, ignore those we think are different from Women working in prostitution have the opportunity of living in a building ble. It's soft. cosy. and quite attractive they're all too quickly swept between us, We feel guilt at considering our- often been used as artists' muses - Egon strongly resembling a roll of tinfoil. and really. so we don't worry about it too the pavement cracks by the industrial selves more worthy of a place in that Schiele's famous series of paintings of as more breeze-block student accommo- much - we'll quite happily just drift cleaners that patrol the streets, and bubble. But guilt alone is useless - the women in various poses being one dation looms, ugly on the horizon. along in it. thank you very much. We pushed somewhere out of sight: and out fact that we merely feel it almost makes example of the alliance between paint- recommitting architectural crimes of the can't see out of it Out maybe that's why of mind. It seems strange that as recent us think we've somehow done our hit as ing and prostitution - but the recent cre- 1960s, you can't help hut led that peo- we like it. figures show prostitution to have decent human beings. So, we continue ations at Genesis come from pushing the

HIDDEN CORNERS: Prostitutes are thought by many to be dwellers of underworlds like these streets. But Genesis offers place from where their 'songs' can be heard. Given the opportunity to practise art, one sex worker said: "I was given the insight to see how beautiful art really is: how a simple object, a dandelion or a butterfly, is art and can be interpreted in so many different ways." plc seem to have been caught up in a But what happens to those who see increased in parts of Britain such as to avert our eyes and block our ears so brush into the hand of what has previ- decisively "out-with the-old-and-in- these changes going on all around them Glasgow. and a BBC report reveals that that the songs of these 'unfortunate' ously only been seen as the object. with-the-new - philosophy of life. All but aren't allowed into the bubble? many students are turning to prostitu- lew, be they homeless, those working in Though, arguably, much can be read in dust must be swept up - or at least under They're not young professionals work- tion in an attempt to pay rising universi- prostitution, drug-addicts, or all of the the eyes of Schiele's 'Sitzender Wrib- the carpet. it seems that as the council ing respectably dull jobs in HSBC. ty fees. evidence of it is harder to find above, remain unheard, licher' (posed by 'Wally', his muse of puts more and more clout into cleaning 'aspiring academics', or even some guy than ever. The women at 'Genesis', a Leeds choice), we are now given the opportu- up the streets, filling in its hot, cracked whose name you can't quite remember As the bubble grows ever-larger, project offering support to those affect- nity to cut out the middleman and hear it cement and erecting flat-pack office off the television. No. These are the real shinier and all together more impres- ed by prostitution, have found a differ- straight from the horse's mouth. Rela- buildings in the time it takes us to tie our people of Leeds: the people who live sive, what happens to those who are ent way of communicating with the tive objectivity is thus replaced by stem g cesarLoavt ouww i ark% iit1t=311 . a.kJ k Friday. February 16. 2007

as 12 CONTENTS '6-Ned

pg 3hree/lowdown pg 5ive/richard & chris bus can pg 6ix/vaginas, valentines, and victory A: pg 8ight/the end of the the apps wardrobe? strongly as mare dation pg 9ine/a cock and bull story recomm 1960s. ■ pg 10en/lights, camera, cata- strophe

I pg 12welve/clubs pg 14ourteen/music 1 I 1 pg 16ixteen/welcome to the new 1 rave 1 pg 18ighteen/arts pg 20wenty/books

pg 22wentytwo/tv 1 F pg 30hirty/observations 1 pg 3lhirtyone/diary I I I I

I LS2/ Editor - Ben Schofield / Associate Editor - Steven Smith / Lowdown - Poppy Kemp & Olivia Marks / Features - James Gardiner & Jessica Parker / Music • I 1 Jonny Price & Joe Bennett / Clubs - Sophie Barnes, Vivien King Macdona & Katie Gilliland/ Arts - Mark Mackay & Tom Foster / Books - Chris Tedd & Katie Dunn I HIDDEN / Observations - Hind Hassan / TV - Andrew Edelston & Laurie VVhitwell / Regulars - to pract Richard Woolley & Chris Dixon / Stars - Melvyn Mussel / Photos - Patrick , ways." Nixon & Emma Dalzell / Design - 011ie Langride & Hanneka Kilburn / Chief copy editor - Vicky Sharkey / Copy 1 I editors - IVIaryaYasin, Sarah Chadwell, Louisa May Cooper. Hayley Foy. Hollie Schofield, Kyle Green, Poppy Roberts, Graeme Nye. Lucy Killoch, Nicky plc seen Drummond. Rose Hampton, Maddy McGarrie. Luke Rushworth, Zalu-a Baku, Ramzy Alwakeel, Sophie Foster & Daniel Smith / decisive I Front Cover - Patrick Nixon with-the Leeds Student newspaper, Leeds University Union, PO Box 157, Leeds, LS1 lUH: (0113) 3801 450;[email protected] dust mus 1 To advertise email [email protected] the citt-pt I. —J puts mat pg2/contents/ls2/160207 up the st cement building! . -&— ilz..msicatitokasit nrci Ilk Friday. February 16. 2007 ,1.3t a

Olivia and Poppy give you the Lowdown on next week... have been having some pretty weird dreams recently. One involved me as a Wild Turkey C) I Chinese man, trained in the art of Samurai in the midst of The finest of the 0 battle. In another I was running away from a nasty old man bourbons. It gives a and eventually I shot him and then tossed him into a pond. fairly nasty hangover but In another. more mundane dream I was having a cup of tea in moderation with diet and a cake in the Merrion centre with my Mum; although coke it is a little piece of tC1

quaff able heaven. Get on this was perhaps the most upsetting. The thing is about atzick Wolf, singer-songwriter with an angular it. dreams though, no matter how bizarre and disturbing they face and floppy hair. You probably haven't beard seem to you, they are really really boring to anyone else. pof him. He's a bit of a weirdo though, right? He's Steak Just like regaling a companion with a tale about an arduous only 23 and has been obssessed with music since he om journey you had to make up the MB is boring, so is was 12, citing his influences as PJ Harvey, Sorry if you're

describing a dream you've had at length. The same goes Stockhausen. Joni Mitchell and Lowdown favourite, m vegetarian but nothing beats a good steak for how your day was at uni/work/spent in front of the TV. 1940s jazz trumpeter Chet Baker. Small independent ; Nobody cares, you know you don't and they know you don't record label Fat Cat Records gave him an Atari cooked medium. Serve Maybe that's why we all carry on telling our friends every computer and mixing desk and Wolf went on from with new potatoes and a banality of our meagre existence. Its something to pass the there to create a diverse canon of work. ranging from crispy green salad. time I suppose. If something out of the ordinary happens, electronic beats to beautiful melodic string au Shame it's so pricey. like you sprained your wrist putting your knickers on, then arrangements which background tormented lyrics of great, go for it, tell all and sundry. It will make you look a tortured adolescence. For those of you who still ht more interesting and may keep hold of your friend's a American Idol perceive yourself as a tortured adolescent despite One of those things you attention for a while and prevent them from cutting you out being the wrong side of 20 (1 for one certainly do)

ic can just watch of their life for a little bit longer. But beware, if your news is then just maybe you'll warm to Patrick Wolf. and will catatonically without too good, or too interesting you may rouse feelings of wish to trudge along t his gig at the Cockpit on jealousy or contempt in the listener. That isn't good either. paying any attention to it Tuesday February 20th. He will no doubt be whatsoever. Mind- Self deprecating news is best, like, saying "that really fit showcasing tracks from his new album "The Magic -op

• numbingly enjoyable. one text me today but it turns out he got the wrong Position" which features guest spots from Ed Larrikin number". Maybe add a pause in the middle of this sentence of Larrikin Love, and the illustrious Marianne Faithfull - to add suspense and as you hear the envy in their voice of shagging Mick Jagger fame. Uncut Magazine has rise, hit them with the punchline. Works every time. OM described Wolf's new album in a very flattering light: Mini Eggs 'Like David Bowie and Kate Bush before him, Wolf has Me as Samurai feasted on a myriad of influences, yet has the drive Back once again as and vision to sound like nobody but himself' It is Easter approaches. So difficult to describe Wolf's eclectic sound so rather much better than Creme than letting me waffle on blindly trying to make sense Eggs (which are vile), of his tunes, why not go and see him? You won't regret look fetching and are it. I hope. PK deliciously moreish.

Being a hermit winning money without becoming a depressing There really is no excuse loser who spends all their time in Bettred or for not leaving the house playing online poker? Quite a few a few of you I bet (pun all day, especially when unintended). If you are also a particularly anal person it is as sunny as it has who likes answering incessant questions then why not been lately. Go for a start doing the pub quiz circuit? Of course you don't have walk. Stand on your front to do a quiz every single night, you'll need time to revise, step. Lean out of the but if you do want to spend every spare leisure moment in window. Anything, a pub in fierce competition with a bunch of strangers, then great because there's a lot on offer. Monday night Snow head down to The Box in Headingley. This will be a gentle Patrick Wolf: he's behind you... Yeah yeah it's really introduction to your quizzing as the questions tend to be romantic and looks easy and everyone cheats. After this warm up session, really nice but hell it's venture further into Headingley on Tuesday evening to cold. Makes walking either the Three Horseshoes or the New Inn where the Overheard... extremely hazardous questions will prove much harder, so try not to embara.ss and is like rain only more painful. yourself or your Team- Wednesday is rest time. Load up _I want to shoot her up the fanny so she can't have Encarta '95 and brush up your knowledge. On Thursday kids.,.you're just not thin enough to be an emo...1 want some leave Hedders behind and go to the Royal Park. The quiz dirty minge...I think I'm going to spaz out in Pitza Cano.,.you Long fingernails is mediocre so you might come out a winner in which make that ring look cheap, no offense...you haven't had a sniff Just not practical and look case you can spend or drink your winnings over the of a man in months...he looks like an owl on smack...you're a Poppy cannot help the weekend unitl Sunday when it's back to work at the Eldon. textbook spinster...you're exuding depression via rate at which hers grow hysteria...Louise Woodward is my idol... OM because she drinks so much milk. but she hates them vehemently. Keep them Everyone loves a ("army, with their big hands, slender thighs and protruding throats. Bring joy to all, no short. Top 5 Tra.nnies matter what sex. If you're a lady they will make you feel good about not having a penis and if you're a man they will, welt, just make you feel good. I. Eddie Izzard. Not a proper tranny, he just does it for a laugh and won't stop telling you about it either. Kincla boring now Eddie. 2. Pete Burns. Firstly he looks fucking horific and secondly he's lialyoaks overreaction moved in with one of his fans because Pete's lost his house. Depressing 3. Lily Savage. Really really annoying and tragic as most trannies in Yes John-Paul is gay Get showbusiness tend to be. Lily's far better than the man underneath though and his sorry excuse for a Richard and Judy substitute. we hope over it you bunch of Buster drowns. 4. Dame Edna Everage. Actually pretty funny, well Barry Humphries is anyway. 5. Jo 0' Meara. Not strictly a frenzy but she homophobic idiots. Jake could have had us fooled. Horsey face, bitchy and emotionally crippled. Maybe she should stop rearing dogs and start making money as a killed someone and no- man. one seems to care.What a farce. words/ poppy and olivia (really good at bowling) St

C4i.rienra* satimml Icuzuricatieriant ra►ta tik Friday_ February 16. 2007 a ebruary. Stumbling block of 3) Political apathy is yet another the ugly and alone. London symptom of my lazy and self- F Fashion Week with interested generation, where Valentine's Day stuck in the ideals take second place to i-Pods middle. Gosh how do you bear it? and The O.C. I don't care. Stop complaining Balls to the lot of you. The quick to me. There was a time it would answer to all three is this: I value have bothered me, and we could my right to vote, yet if I see no have slunk down to some godawful reason to vote, I value my right to pub to get wasted in a stupor of refuse to vote. This refusal isn't depressed self-examination: symbolic of anything, I'm not making a comment on the futility email/ [email protected] "What's so wrong with ME? Don't I richard is an english finalist deserve to be loved?" Hey, maybe of modern politics or anything not, I'm not at all interested in how high-flown like that. It is merely a lonely or sad you are, Go cry by belief that whichever way I vote, yourself, leave me alone, the result will be roughly the The trials of St. Valentine's Day same, both in Union Elections and are nothing to me when I consider in the generals. the greater challenge February I suppose this is what irks the poses to my patience and self- try-hard socialists and life-long composure. Yes, democracy rides blues who. I should add. are my again, it's student election season. sternest critics. But for me there is Suddenly my entrance to the no party line to tow: I care more Union is barred by the garish about policies than I do about the ranks of desperate campaigners colour of the speaker's tie. Posters stuffing flyers into my every on and around campus which receptive orifice, most of which recommend their candidate only contain little more than the with the legend "he/she/they/it is candidate's name preceded by the great/magic/cool/the best" tell imperative VOTE. you nothing. Votes are won based So I have my campaign on old allegiances and friendships literature, what else can these and new flatteries. No serious eager politicians do to tip the campaign literature exists scales? Not much it seems, beyond because no one feels inclined to y partner lives in Brighton. going to tap into this personalised launching elaborate poster read it, decisions are already For those of you accus- creativity with some geezer wearing campaigns, starting Facebook made. And in this climate I'm not M tomed to the blustery a brown sack turned zen-pyjama groups and dressing in silly voting for anyone. Northern coast, I have to tell you; outfit breathing down your neck. clothes. And still they demand that I'm naive really to look for Brighton is infinitely cooler than "Feel the love, feel the passion..." he I vote, or in some cases policies where none have ever Leeds. Beach parties, vegetarians oozes as he massages your temples. "vote!vote!vote!", for emphasis or existed. Student elections are the galore, friendly people and Your Pritt stick and plastic scissors something. It incenses me then same show-off extravaganza every Snooper's Paradise are just a handful pause mid-air. The door is just out that certain of my friends give me year. The wackier and more of reasons. However, other than real- of your grasp. a perpetual hard time when, in outlandish a candidate can be; say ly expensive pints, there is another According to Mori, four times as such scenarios of political a potential Equality Officer blacks major downside to this utopia-on- many men as women feel pres- poverty, I refuse to vote (and I up and does an ironic mistral sea. In case you didn't know already surised by their partner into giving extend this refusal to general routine on the steps of the Union I'm afraid I'm going to have to break a card or gift on Valentine's Day and elections too). to illustrate how race relations the news to you. Brighton is not in a third of women are indifferent to Their arguments are generally have progressed since 1926. the my bed. I wish Brighton was in my the day. We have created this mess threefold. I) X amount of now very more they win praise from their bed. If it was, I could close the door ourselves! The men feel panicked long dead gentlemen and ladies peers, like an Otley run without to my cold room in Leeds, get under into splashing out because they made great sacrifices to ensure I the saving grace of strong drink. the covers and find a boy, a beach think the women care, but actually lived in a democratic society and and barbecue-flavoured Linda the women don't really give a toss. not voting does them a disservice McCartney sausages nestled And those who do care only care (note: the value of X changes amongst the cotton... because the media and the card depending on who is berating me Oh right! So, its Valentines Day companies and the four-times-as- at the time). 2) I have no right to coming up. This comes as great many men make them think they discuss politics if I refuse to vote. news for capitalists, unimaginative should. Or are they just stating boyfriends/girlfriends and CATS. indifference because it is increas- The rest of us sigh with indifference ingly fashionable to be anti- and go about our lives. Or do we? A Valentine's day? If we are not care- friend of the Chris Dixon house has ful we will end up like our wacky reported that in the Union there was American cousins who are expected a workshop for people to make their to spend $13.70 billion on awn V-Day cards. At a cost of £3.50 Valentine's Day this year. What on you could presumably spend the earth could they possibly be buy- afternoon with other artistically- ing? challenged students and cut'n'paste It's familiar ground to argue that together. If that's not romance, I you don't really need a calendar to don't know what is. I have a prob- tell you when you love someone. If lem with this (does this surprise you are not telling them or letting it you?) for several reasons. First of show on most days then why exactly all, the cost. £3.50? If you are going are you bothering? Orchestrated to make a cheap card, why not do 'love day' is about as appealing as email/ [email protected] what I do for my ever-so-lucky arriving home to find John Prescott chris is a broadcast journalism finalist friends and cut up old copies of the reclining naked on your sofa. It will New Statesman and stick onto scrap never be clean again. Organised paper. Nothing says I love you like love seems too much like organised George Bush's head on a dog's body. fun. How often do you sit around It will inevitably be smeared with with your mates saying, "Let's have grease from the fried tofu sandwich I fun at exactly 8pm on Thursday was almost certainly consuming night"? Organised fun makes me while constructing, but it's part of the think of days at school when you charm. Secondly, what exactly are were allowed to play bingo in the qualifications of the host of this French as a treat (urn, why exactly event? Surely the reason that you am I here? I may be thirteen but I'm have opted for the home made card not stupid...), or when a sports approach is because you thought it teacher was off sick so they teamed would be more personal than the you up to play rounders with boys selection of "Hey, Luv, get yer tits who fail to grasp the concept of out!" cards available at the local playing for fun. You miss the ball newsagents. Haw exactly are you and the next thing you know you're pg5iregularsils2/160207 12 VALENTINES, VAGINAS AND VICTORY %%pi Like AS OUR OWN STUDENT THESPIANS PUT IN ANOTHER STERLING PERFOR- bus MANCE OF EVE ENSLER'S THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES, LS2 TAKES A CLOS- can ER LOOK AT THE CULT OF THE V-WORD.

n case you hadn't noticed, it was the big V- phone interestingly positioned between her legs. then try comparing yourself to one of Ensler's idols, Day this week. For most of you, that probably This satirical shock therapy is typical of the spirit of "I love Tina Turner. She's a woman who fully inhabits meant either a slap-up dinner with a signifi- the play which has always attracted a certain amount her vagina." cant other or unwise amounts of Ben and of attention. And, in the spirit of Tina Turner, this play is all ferry's with fellow insignificant singleton oth- Immersed in controversy since its birth (vaginal about speaking out. For example, if it hadn't been for ihr opra ers. However, it is not quite that V-Day I pun intended), many critics have taken Issue with the the current Leeds University production of The Vagina strongly speakI of. In 1998, Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina play's disproportionate focus on violent and brutal Monologues, I very much doubt I would have heard as more Monologues, appended a certain extra something to sexual encounters rather than celebrating the pretti- an acquaintance speak the words,'I love my vagina' dation the day of Saint Valentine: the Vagina. Specifically, er niceties of consensual sex, as portrayed in your at four in the afternoon in the POLLS computer clus- recomm Ensler's V-Day actually stands for the three Vs of average Hollywood or Richard Curtis Rom-Corn. ter. This may sound a little facetious, given the impor- 1960s. Valentines, Vagina and Victory. To elaborate, V-Day Ensler's portrayal of male-female sexual relation- tant issues of sexual violence and female identity that aims to harness the sentiments of Valentines as a ships has similarly been criticised for unfair nega- the play addresses, but its not an insignificant point means to stop violence against women (women are. tivism. However, the critics are well-matched with either. It seems unlikely that, under any other circum- in this case, referred to as Vaginas). This fight will, we stalwart Ensler fans. Cathleen Black, publisher of stances, vaginas would have been a socially accept- all hope, eventually end in Victory. V-Day might be women's magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Marie able topic of conversation in such a context (It does- seen as a feminist encroachment on the traditional Claire and Harpers Bazaar, argues the necessity of n't matter how liberal the PONS department may be). Feb 14th celebrations (or suicides) but it might telling ''the profound stories of what women are real- Not only this, but it would never have occurred to me equally be viewed as merely a different and positive ly suffering around the world". In case you do not or my vagina-loving friend to even mention the V interpretation of a day that supposedly commemo- know, The Vagina Monologues essentially consists of word in each other's presence (not that I'm suggest- rates mutual love and respect between men, women just what Black says: stories. To be precise, it springs ing us women mention it to ourselves constantly and their shared interest in vaginas. from a collection of over two hundred interviews with when alone - that would be odd). You may disagree You may have noticed the word vagina floating women of all ages, social backgrounds. ethnicities around our own campus a lot recently. The annual and religion. These interviews, as you might guess, staging of The Vagina Monologues, in aid of STAR focused on the subject of sex and the role of the "If you are wondering if (Surviving Trauma After Rape), has come again to our vagina for individuals and in society. Ensler explains Union with a somewhat new take on things. No longer her fascination with the vagina: "Women's empower- you have reached a state are the audience commanded to proudly and ment is deeply connected to their sexuality. I'm unashamedly shout "cunt! cunt! cunt! mint!" but, obsessed with women being violated and raped, and of complete vaginal rather, a planted audience member suddenly storms with incest. All of these things are deeply connected to the stage (sporting a jacket that reads "1 love to our vaginas." If you are wondering if you have empowerment, then try Vaginas") and bellows the chant alone with mega- reached a state of complete vaginal empowerment, comparing yourself with one of Ensler's idols: 'I THE love Tina Turner. She's a woman who fully inhabits her vagina."'

that my 4pm POLLS experience was of great signifi- cance as an illustration of the play's impact upon social norms. You may, like the boy at the neighbour- ing computer, struggle not to flinch and cringe every time the V-word is mentioned. If you are. I have only one thing to say to you: vagina. There is also more substantial evidence that times have changed since The Vagina Monologues was first performed in an underground bar in New York in 1996. At the time, despite heavy press coverage from VAG radio, TV and the newspapers. the media somehow managed to avoid out-rightly saying or printing the V-word. Newspapers abbreviated, radios bleeped and TV managed to show large segments of the play MONOLOGUES without mentioning the V-word once. Although it would have been very amusing to still see TV pre- MODE! senters squirm as they attempted to review The to prat Vagina Monologues without mentioning the word ways." 'vagina', such censorship is thankfully no longer EVE EMIR practised by the majority of the media. I even pie Neel deci siy remember (and I probably shouldn't admit this) the with-th' wholesome father figure in the family friendly show, dust mu Dawson's Creek, speaking of The Vagina Monologues the car/ pub nu pg6/irdientinesvaginasatuivictory/Is2/160207 SEE IT ON up the s cement buildini rir

C+s Brim's+ iganriaahorinnt nr0 Kill Pritime Fehruary 16. 2007 13

- in front of Dawson, of all people, who must surely bitions before they have sex. Any concerns that this had survived enormous abuse if I'd been committed be the most asexual male protagonist in American Teen TV history, nised and, some say, condoned by the play, The line, hood was not the end of Ensler's traumas. As a "If it was rape, it was good rape" certainly could be teenager, and into her early twenties, she turned to construed as demonstrating a somewhat nonchalant drink and drugs. Through this pursuit, she met bar- "Newspapers attitude towards such sexual misdemeanours just tender and future husband, Richard McDermott. He because there is no man involved. However, given persuaded her to enter rehab which, combined with abbreviated, radios Enslees tireless dedication to the fight against any writing, proved to be her salvation. "By writing, I cre- form of the sexual and physical abuse of women, ated an alternative persona that I could pretend I bleeped and TV man- complainants of "The Little Coochie Snorcher" might was. and she could hold all this info and feelings and be advised to 'read between the lines', as it were, thoughts for the future that I couldn't hold in me. I aged to show large seg- before deciding Ensler is a fan of lesbian rape. A have to write. Like it's the way I keep my sanity." prominent case on this issue was that of Robert Despite The Vagina Monologues' popular and criti- ments of the play Swope, an American journalist for the Georgetown cal success (the play has been translated into forty- University newspaper. who criticised The Vagina five languages), Ensler actually hopes for a time without mentioning the Monologues for this very reason in 2000. He argued when her work will go out of business! 'That's what I Ensler was hypocritical to effectively sanction one chant for every day. That one day we won't have to be V-word once." kind of 'rape' whilst constantly campaigning against here anymore. There'll be a day when women lateral- another. Swope's views, expressed in a more vehe- ly can put on the shortest skirt and tightest top and ment fashion than recorded here, led to his being feel good that everyone will look at them with great fired due to public complaint. Whether you think this appreciation and great enjoyment and no one will Now, if you've never said the word vagina out sounds like credible justice or hysterical overreac- hassle them or make them feel had or insecure or loud, I would highly recommend it. Not just because tion, it is interesting to note some of Robert Swope's threatened." it would be slightly sad to be less outrageous than other work, such as the article entitled, 'Georgetown So, whether Valentines was miserable or magic for any of the characters on Dawson's Creek. but because Women's Center: Indispensable Asset or Improper you this year, remember that there's another way to it can be quite liberating. One audience member, Expenditure?' You can guess what conclusion he view this annual event. You might have missed the who happens to study medicine, authoritatively diag- reaches. "The Little Coochie Snorcher" caused 'alternative' V-Day altogether or you might have nosed this sudden impulse to start saying socially enough controversy, however, to force adjustments to commemorated it with great ceremony. Regardless, it unacceptable words as the 'Ensler outrageous bug'. later versions of the play. The play's copyright hold- serves as a possible reminder of that well-known However, as infected as I and other audience mem- er warns that legal action will be taken should per- truth: cards can say only so much but a vagina, when bers may now be, we all fall far short of the outra- formers now utter the line, "it was good rape" and the fully inhabited, can say everything. geous author herself. For example, the outrageous- young girl's age has been pushed up from thirteen to ness of her most controversial vagina monologue, sixteen, so everything's just about legal, "The Little Coochie Snorcher that Could". (Skip the Regardless of the controversy, The Vagina

VAGINAS:Actresses in the Traverse City, Michigan, pro- duction of the play in 2004

rest of this paragraph if you don't want to read a Monologues and V-Day have been instrumental in spoiler - actually just read the spoiler because this raising over thirty-five million dollars for charities For more information on V-Day, visit paragraph's funny). In the original version, a thirteen that support the fight against violence, sexual abuse http://www.vday.org year old describes a sexual encounter with a some- and rape. Easier herself was a victim of sexual abuse what more mature woman. The more mature woman as a young girl at the hands of her own father and words/jessica parker has given her young friend alcohol to lower her inhi- says: "I don't know if I had not been a person who

IBS 12 THE END OF THE WARDROBE? AS THE CROWD-PULLING CLUB GIANTS ENTICE MORE AND MORE OF THE MASS- ES, WE FORGET AND FORGO THE AILING INDEPENDENTS. IS THE WARDROBE'S PAINFULLY LONG REFURBISHMENT AND FAILURE TO RETURN TO ITS FORMER GLORY PART OF THE DEATH OF THE LEEDS LIVE MUSIC SCENE?

he Wardrobe is held in great esteem by many the city's music culture no longer existing. Since open- tle nearer home. Have the student population's commer- tudents across Leeds. It gets to a point ing in 1999, it has flourished and grown to become not cially susceptible, drink-addled minds fallen for the where it's so painful hearing the same string only a haven, away from the boredom that is so often cheap offers and poster campaigns once too often? Are of 'end-of-the-night' songs again that you induced at other clubs, but a place to discover great we thinlcing too much of our purses (or indeed, wallets) briefly envision plucking out the vocal chords artists and even genres that you had never really consid- and too little of our musical integrity, to the detriment of of the overplayed likes of Bon Jovi, Beyonce and the ered before, genuine musical gems in Leeds? Arctic Monkeys. (It really is a very brief impulse, just in The fact that it has closed despite an enduring popu- Perhaps you feel I'm condemning the live music case you're worried that I have some unresolved anger larity and kayak fan base shows something of a flawed scene to death a little prematurely. Or, perhaps, you issues.) However, away from the mundane tradition of strategy by an indecisive management. They seem not rather like the new Wardrobe. It does have its plus jumping up and down in a circle with random drunkards only unsure as to what exactly to do with the great space points. Although not totally convinced that the improve- Lilo to 'It's my life' three times a week, there has always been they have, but also when to let the public back in so that ments on the bar and restaurant required such a lengthy a refuge. The Wardrobe has, for many years, been the we can finally find out what we might expect for the closing period, the look they've gone for is by no means bus place to go for something a little more original. Selling future of one of our old favourites. Perhaps one of the an eye-sore. And one can't deny that the Wardrobe's itself as a live music venue, this haven offers you the larger issues here is the ongoing debate of how inde- new menu looks delicious and well worth a try, even if it can chance to dine delectably at their restaurant and then pendent and original live music venues can compete is a little out of student budget range. And they're willing party the night away in their club. Soul, funk and jazz with the big fresher eye-catching chains such as to accommodate large groups and parties at the restau- reign supreme, allowing the musical snob to get his or Oceana. These massive, soulless clubs distract and win rant, if you fancied a slightly more suave birthday bash her fill of those quality tunes that are neglected in your over students with their cheap alcohol offers, over- than your average annual piss-up. average club.Yet, for many Wardrobe fans, things have whelming advertising campaigns, 'a little bit of every- To get an idea of the sort of clientele that their new been a bit different recently. thing' music range (Oceana has six or seven bars and look might be appealing to, you only need to go a few i The Wardrobe used to provide an intimate setting for club rooms) and plain physical presence. This is not to streets over and find yourself at the West Yorkshire A slj great live music sessions. One criticism of Leeds has say that the crowd-pulling dubs that cater for the mass- the Lipp, Playhouse. No one can blame the Wardrobe for wanting always been that there is no real live music venue on the es axe wholly bad or don't serve a purpose. Anyone's to capitalise on those moneyed middle-class theatre- as more same scale as the MEN or Sheffield Hallam Arena. The got a right to dance the nigh! away to them favourite goers who would, doubtless, feel less inclined to par- datian Wardrobe was our answer to this criticism, Although no cheese or R'n'B songs if that's what they enjoy. But, in the take of the Wardrobe's set theatre menu should over- rel.:mum Sheffield Hallam, it was a venue where the spirit of live spirit of university being a place where the young come excited student types be cluttering the place up as they I c.410, . music and gigs thrived, enough to rival any top live to discover new things and have new experiences, it revved up for a big night on the tiles. But, even if you do music destination. Still a sizeable venue, it allowed and seems sad when the mighty likes of Oceans or Creation enjoy a smart bar and sophisticated dinner for a post- Shakespeare celebration, the restaurant will not replace the club that shines in the hearts of so many music fans. The grieving process will possibly be a little alleviated by the eclectic mix of funk and soul, the live bands on at the cafe/bar and nights such as the "Soul Circle" and "The Resident Session". Although a mere shadow of its former glory, the Wardrobe is still providing undeniably a regular fix of fantastic music. Undoubtedly, there can be no substitute for the size and depth of the old club venue as the music at the cafe/bar tends to wash over you in a pleasurable but less gripping way. Perhaps I'll have to face the truth. The Wardrobe just isn't as keen on the likes of us anymore. They now feel more partial to suited office types who will come and buy expensive bottles of wine, with a few colleagues after work, and civilly sip away whilst discussing the ins and outs of the stock market. You can see the appeal given the alternative: rowdy young 'uns charging up to the bar, asking what special offers are on, screaming in outrage if informed there aren't any and then spilling their vodka red bulls and stella's all over the floor way. AlthoughWardrobe seems to be habitually keep- ing up something of its live music traditions and guaran- tee of good food, student clubbing has plummetetd way down the priority list. Although squeezed out of the management's market- ing strategy, this jazz lover will still cling on to the Wardrobe and its unique offerings, past and partially present. For one thing, I'd miss the bouncers too much. appealed to acts to give the student population a privi- drown out some of that more edgy and original music Their easy-going attitude that allows late-comers in with leged chance to see live music at a squeeze of an arena that many students would enjoy. if they just knew what minimal fuss and minimum price is something almost priced ticket.Yet. this sadly has not been enough to was out there. Similarly. the student body in Leeds is unheard of in other venues. Most clubs enjoy tacking on keep the place going in its known and loved form. The hugely diverse, with a microcosmic mix of ethnicities, an extra pound to the entry price with each minute that last Live event there was way back on New Years Eve. religions, cultures and nationalities. With such a range of passes. The Wardrobe, and forgive me for saying this The upstairs section has been refurbished, with the people, surely this city can give us the opportunity to yet again but I can't emphasise it enough, was just plain management seeming to pay a lot of attention, time and explore the kind of music that constitutes real variety different. The warm, jumpy and upbeat tones of the jazz money to the new restaurant and bar. This is illustrated and multiple tastes rather than your standardised music MUSIC were readily lapped up and absorbed by all who by the fact that the downstairs club is no longer being sets. worked and went there. used frequently. Occasionally. Leeds jazz hires it out, but However, it not all doom and gloom. With such acts Speaking to many like-minded students, it is clear this is not a regular event. Feeling the need to get a dose as Amy Winehouse performing in Leeds, it is dear we that there is a general feeling of nostalgic warmth and a of that old Wardrobe magic, I bled to find out why one of still have some grasp of the mainstream live music residual sadness now the Wardrobe has changed. this city's greatest clubs has abandoned its people for scene. Even though soul, funk and jazz do not fly high in Although never advisable to quote Satan, he seems to the banal restaurant and bar set-up. Speaking to staff at the charts consistently, there is still a need and demand have a perceptive understanding of my feelings on the HIODEI The Wardrobe, no one, not even the management, for the music. Regina Spektor is soon to visit Sheffield, subject: "What though the field be lost? All is not lost" I to prac seemed totally clear on exactly when or even if they will which means those lucky ticket-wielding jazz lovers can encourage everyone to continue showing their support ways." be reopening the downstairs again. I was disheartened also dash down and get a taste of the New York pianist's for The Wardrobe, its yester-year ways and perhaps, plc 'cei when one member of staff admitted to Leeds Student original tunes.Yet, somehow, I feel like I'm clutching at maybe, possibly, hopefully we might soon be enjoying a dec;se, that the restaurant and bar were taking priority. straws. It remains imperative to ask why The Wardrobe bit of that old Wardrobe magic in the years to come. witleth. This writer feels a tear welling up, as, no doubt, there has closed and, perhaps, taking the heat of the dust mu are tears sadly pouring down many the soft Leeds stu- Wardrobe management and heartless capitalists that the cart- dent cheek. It hard to imagine such an integral part of run Oceans for a second, place some responsibility a lit- puts tin: up the ', pg8/isthewardrobedead?/152/160207 cement buildint Ceseriaan+ I.O.datiC.dattitiont nro IAA Friday. February 16. 2007 A COCK AND BULL STORY CRUISE DID FOR THE COCKTAIL WHAT BOND DID FOR THE MARTINI, BUT HOW DID THE MIXED DRINK ORIGINATE, AND WHAT IS ITS HISTORY? LS2 INVESTI- GATES

Watching TV last Sunday, I came across Cocktail, it 1803. That means it has been in use for over two hun- mixed spirit drink. I can only suggest that it is some- features Tom Cruise and is fairly cult in its eighties- dred years. Where was the bi-centennial birthday thing to do with using random ingredients. I feel this ness.You can tell the kind of film it is simply by look- celebration,1 ask? The term was first used in a publi- is conjecture at best. ing at the opening credits. I have to admit that cation called the Farmer's Cabinet. This use was only That it is based on a French wine drink Cocktail is a guilty pleasure - I've even watched it recently discovered - which seems odd as, surely, called coquet& - apparently General la Fayette may before if I'm totally honest. I'm a film student, though, someone must have known about it earlier. The have taken to America. Whilst possible, it is not that so I really am obliged to watch all sorts of films. That Farmer's Cabinet appears to be a magazine which convincing in my eyes - how would a wine based excuse almost sounded convincing... discussed agriculture. Unlike the cocktail, they gave mix become a spirit based drink? The film got me thinking about where the term it a sensible name which actually indicated the con- Which - drum roll please - leads to what is often 'cocktail' came from, and how many cocktails there tents of the object, The cocktail is widely thought of considered to be the most likely explanation. That actually were in the world. Which seamlessly links to as an American invention and ranks up there with the word cocktail comes from the French term the body of my article about the history of the term Mickey Mouse and the light bulb. The OED (always a coquetier. which was a type of glass used by 'cocktail' and cocktails themselves. For those who friend whilst essay writing) gives the definition of Peychaud for serving drinks in New Orleans. were hooked by the mention of the Torn Cruise film - cocktail as "A drink, consisting of spirit mixed with a Peychaud invented Peychaud bitters (a common that's pretty much it for that one. Sorry. On a quick small quantity of bitters, some sugar, etc." cocktail ingredient) so this makes some sense. This description of a cocktail seems fairly vague - However, the dates don't really make sense as the it could probably include just a vodka and coke term 'cocktail' was first mentioned about thirty years which somehow seems wrong to me. But, equally, it before Peychaud was mixing drinks. Difficult. needs to be open to include all the different types of During my research, I found out that some people cocktail. Difficult. To further confuse the cocktail, believe that the term 'cocktail' may have referred to there is the mocktail - an alcohol-free mix. In total a specific drink - now called the Old-Fashioned.The honesty, I think these are frankly fucking stupid. One Old-Fashioned is, like many older cocktails, based on of the major benefits of cocktail-drinking is the fact whiskey. Early cocktails were usually based on rum, that a relatively small number of cocktails cause whisky or gin - vodka, it would appear, is one of the large amounts of drunkenness. Another major benefit new kids on the block, is that cocktail bars (pubs which make cocktails The search for the term 'cocktail' would appear to don't count) usually use decent spirits. This means be fairly impossible as the most likely theory isn't less of a hangover but also more expensive drinks. really possible. In my view, this confusion has lots to Everything balances. do with the fact that cocktails are alcoholic. There But where did the term 'cocktail' actually come was probably lots of alcohol involved around the from? It has absolutely nothing obvious to do with time of the creation of the term. And alcohol always spirits or bar keeping and when thought about cog- makes everything seem so blurred. I suspect it is nitively is frankly ridiculous. The simple answer to probably a mix of all the proposed theories - a cock- this question would appear to be that no-one really tail of art etymology. See what I did there? knows. The origin of the word 'cocktail' is. at best, So, having failed almost entirely to definitively find guesswork, and lots of people have taken lots of edu- out where the term cocktail came from, it should be a cated guesses_ Other suggestions are just plain stu- simple job to rationalise the number of cocktails. pidity. A selection of both extremes is listed below: Wrong. There seem to be boundless numbers - That it is literally because a feather, a cock's Diffords (arguably the definitive cocktail guide) list tail, was put in mixed drinks to separate them from over one and a half thousand. Websites I've seen list the non alcoholic beverages. This was so that teeto- thousands and thousands. These cocktails vary from talers could tell the difference. I might not be a sci- the exotic to the fairly plain and often seem to be entist but, surely, the taste would have been enough only ordered by the base spirit used. to make the distinction. Also, a feather hardly makes The group which seems to be attempting to create a drink appetising, and probably gives it a bad taste. some sort of order in this world is the IBA. This is the It just isn't an umbrella. I think rubbish. International Bartending Association. who seem to That it comes born the term 'cock tailings'. take cocktails very seriously. The [BA was founded in Apparently, back in the 1800s, taverns used to keep Torquay, of all places, in 1951. Ii sounds like an spirits in casks (it sounds dangerous to have that excuse for large amounts of drinking to me.They much alcohol to me). As the cask lowered, the flavour have created a definitive list of cocktails that are and strength weakened. So inn keepers drained the made for the World Cocktail Competition_ I've dregs of the cask out through stop cocks into a single already volunteered to be a judge. There hasn't been cask and sold it on the cheap, Customers asked for any response yet, though. The list given for the WCC 'cock tails' as they were the tailings from out of the contains sixty-five cocktails, which seems enough for cock of the casks. This sounds pretty believable - anyone. They are split into four categories - Before but, equally, pretty disgusting. I also find it difficult to Dinner, After Dinner, Long and Fancy. A strict limit on believe cocktails started life as basically spirit slops. the number of sweet products used is placed in the That it comes from the phrase "to cock your Before Dinner category. The WCC is a yearly event. tail", basically meaning to be happy because you're For those who aren't quite ready to compete but pissed. Possible but arguably simplistic. Also, it interested, perhaps the best place to start is a cock- seems like a slightly obscure reference to being tail course, Lots of people seem to offer them - one drunk. I think that it probably isn't true. advert describes the course as "a cocktail shaker That it derived from a West African word for experience for Torn Cruise wannabesi" I'm not sure scorpion Kaketal - and that it was applied to the mix that many people want to be like Tom Cruise any- of drinks because they had a sting. I'm not a hundred more, now that he's gone mental. Which, in a vague- per cent sure 1 like the idea of drinking something ly elliptical way, leads back to the opening. Having based on a scorpion's sting. So I choose to ignore this felt that finding out how the term cocktail came to one. exist would be easy (it wasn't) and that someone That it is a corruption of the Latin word would have some official list of cocktails (kind of, I decocta which means distilled water. In my opinion, will admit I'm disappointed. I don't know what mom I this makes little sense. Who would actually drink a expected from an industry that thrives on getting cocktail that was just distilled water? Forget it. other people pissed. I'll close with my two favourite That (I really am not joking) the term comes cocktails and their locations in Leeds: a White aside - if you like Cocktail - watch Say Anything. Not from a special beer made using a dead rooster Russian (or just about anything else) at Moto, and a only is it mentioned in Lost. it represents the pinnacle amongst other ingredients. The beer was called Hot Thing at Brown's. Try them: you might like them. of eighties awesomeness and has Peter Gabriel on cock-ale and could have been corrupted to cocktail. If you don't, then I'm sure one of the other thousands the soundtrack. What more could you want? Back to Whilst almost credible (the name corruption, not the of cocktails out there will be more to your taste. cocktails. dead rooster in the ale) I don't really understand how words/matt kent The term 'cocktail' was apparently first used in this would then have ended up being used for a 12 EAT1 LIGHTS 1111111 CAMERA, CATASTROPHE Liki bus THERE ARE SOME FILMS THAT ARE SO TERRIBLE THAT THEY HOLD AN can INEXPLICABLE ATTRACTION: PERHAPS IT'S BAD CUTTING, PERHAPS IT'S DIALOGUE IS SO BIZARRE IT'D MAKE A DEAF PERSON CRINGE; PERHAPS (AND SURPRISINGLY FREQUENTLY) IT'S MAKING THE MISTAKE OF HIR- t. ING A WRESTLER AS YOUR LEAD ACTOR. LS2 INVESTIGATES... the Op( strongly as more here is something hypnotising the president with a grenade embedded in horribly stereotypical character) who dation I about car crashes - we don't want to his fake hand. It is clear that the writers is absolutely useless at the beginning, rceomm watch, but we are compelled by a forgot that he had won the race in the past before magically deciding she is 1960s. y kind of morbid curiosity to slow and could have killed the president then, willing to kill a man when the plot down and have a little look as we let alone the fact that the character has needs it, with no development of her drive past them. Well, transferring been established as a close personal friend character bringing her to that Tthat (in an entirely logical way) to films, there of the president and, presumably, has met decision. Jones and Busey overplay is something special about watching something him on numerous occasions. In addition to their crazy criminal roles so aesthetically and technically inept that it this fatally flawed plot, the traps laid for the ridiculously, adding to the becomes hilarious. A quick glance over the drivers by the revolutionaries are hilariously general atmosphere of IMDB's lowest rated titles illustrates this bad. One of them involves putting fake stupidity that the whole perfectly - who honestly has no curiosity about `diversion' signs up, and directing the set-up creates. The the plot of awful-sounding films like 'Santa road towards a tunnel entrance painted violence of the film is Claus Conquers The Martians' or 'Howling II: on a flat surface at the edge of a cliff - a surprising at points - if Stirba -Werewolf Bitch'? How, then, can a ploy that's sure to fool professional it can be taken small wander through a few films that feel like drivers. The characters are also seriously then it is watching feature-length versions of 'Garth ridiculous, including Matilda the Hun entirely possible to rip Marenghi's Darkplace' be resisted? (because the film really needed a Nazi) out someone's throat 1975's fantastically named 'Death Race and Stallone's 'Machine Gun Joe Viterbo' with your bare hands. I 2000', featuring the dynamite acting skills of (who runs over his own pit crew). Add into personally haven't tried, both Sylvester Stallone and David Carradine the mix a completely extraneous massage but I am pretty certain scene (breasts make movies good, that it cannot be done. apparently), one of the worst fist fights The final fight is, in The plot centres on ever committed to the screen and a obligatory action movie Frankenstein, an disappointingly infrequent number of style, conducted with bad death scenes for the random knives - after all, it enormously popular driver civilians on the roads of America, and would be too simple if the in what is intended to be a you begin to see why 'Death Race final showdown could be 2000' is funny in its shockingly bad solved with guns. That futuristic blood sport. way. would simply not be Stepping into more modern dramatic enough. The (Bill of 'Kill Bill' fame), makes no sense. cinema, it is impossible to talk scene which defines the Honestly. The plot centres on Frankenstein, a about entertainingly bad films film's ridiculous nature is enormously popular driver in what is intended without mentioning the legendary when the few free crew to be a futuristic blood sport. The drivers gain Steven Seagal. 'Under Siege' is a members manage to destroy a submarine with a gun turret, points for running over civilians during the great example of how to make a • Transcontinental Road Race across America terrible film with a big budget, in despite the fact that none of them (20 points for men. 30 for women, 40 for despite of a cast including Tommy seem to have received even the most children, 70 for babies and 100 for the elderly), Lee Jones and Gary Busey. Seagal is /, basic artillery training. and the overall winner gets to meet Mr. Casey Rybeck - a cook who Many horror films are President - the leader of the oppressive state. (conveniently) happens to be out of enjoyably terrible, as they are often Obviously, the underground rebels decide to the way when terrorists take over the made by young filmakers on a tiny sabotage the race to bring down the system military ship he works on in order to budget. Peter Jackson's early (yes, obviously - it makes total sense). Now for steal the nuclear weapons it carries. k films are like this - they are the problems with the plot. The virtually- Anyone wondering how a cook takes on It more concerned with robotic Frankenstein (who has lost most of his an entire ship full of terrorists need not !. atmosphere and gore than body in accidents) is joined by a young co- worry - he is, of course, an ex-Navy continuity and editing. driver, who happens to be the daughter of the SEAL, who (for some reason) became a However, it takes HIDDEI cook after punching an officer. In true to prat. leader of the revolutionaries, and is intending dedication to continue ways." to replace Frankenstein with an impostor to kill Seagal style, he is given ample chances making films like this the President. However, about half way through throughout the film to say really badly without making any pie see' the film (with no explanation) we find that scripted things, like "You're in the Navy, actual progression deeisk. Frankenstein - a personal friend of the remember? Its not a job, its an in your ability. 1% 1111- L11( president and previous winner of the race - adventure!" Continuity is a bit of a problem Uwe Boll is dust mu also wants to bring down the system, by killing for this film as well, with a token woman (a quickly becoming the cart- puts mo pg10/lightscarnaracatastrophe/152/160207 up the cement building Ciltriart+ www IACIdaq.tutirtnt _ray _ek Fridav_Fehinuarif 18. 2007 13

famous as one of the worst contemporary funny. One of the most worrying things about directors - a kind of Ed Wood for modern times, the film, as a whole, is the fact that it who has given up on even trying to make good genuinely seems as though it was meant to be films. We have him to thank for 'BloodRayne' a serious film. Although Schwartzenegger's (voted 77th worst film on IMDB), whose sequel original soundtrack has been put onto the 15: Troll 2 looms like an impending meth's hangover, its DVD, he was originally dubbed out, and the soon to be released sequel, and for 'House of script does have jokes written into it. Like the 14: Unaccompanied Minors the Dead' - in which an island rave turns out to long conversation between Pretzie and Judging from the title alone, and the hall-memories be infested by zombies. These films do exactly Hercules about a Greek man called Apollo left of my own misapplied childhood, I'm imagining what you expect, making you laugh when you who was really ugly. Needless to say the this film contains scenes of teenagers siting up late, are supposed to be scared and shocked - but points where the films tries to be funny Fall drinking too much and falling asleep to cheap, hey, that's what we want really, isn't it? flat, but the vast majority of it is hilarious, Channel S 'erotica'. Unfortunately for Uwe, as they were never simply due to the ridiculously cheap special intended to be taken seriously, they lack the effects (Zeus' thunder in the horribly ability to amuse to the same extent as films designed Olympus) and the general bad 13: The Hillz that are meant to be serious. quality of the entire project. The whole film The title here offers up the possibility of a group of The film that probably sums up everything is summed up in the finale, as Hercules, Atlas children fading to learn to spell, before being hunted that can be done wrong in making a film is and Sampson (it seems that the writers down by the world's scenery. If we're very lucky, the Arnold Schwartzenegger's debut film, believed that both Christian and Roman hills become literally 'alive with the sound of music' `Hercules in NewYork', in which a young, mythology were, in fact, part of Greek myth) and eat someone. But, Judging from its placing in the wilful and disobedient Hercules leaves Mount take on some gangsters, quickly proceeding table, I'm doubting it would include something that Olympus to see the world. The first thing you the worst designed car chase scene in history, original. notice as the credits roll is the laughable theme There are so many absolutely awful movies music over the credits - probably put at the out there, and it is certainly worth trying to 12: Manos: The Hands of Fate beginning of the film in the hope that the check a few of them out for a cheap, drunken audience will forget the names of everyone laugh. Talking to people about them, some of involved by the end. The writing is bad for a the titles that have come up are - in addition 11: 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega number of reasons. Firstly, the research that to the ones above - the remake of 'Rollerball' Mountain went into the Greek Gods of Mount Olympus (featuring Slipknot for some unknown must have been non-existent, as we are left reason), 'Critters' (alien hedgehogs attack with Greek deities like Hercules and Zeus earth), 'Tremors', 'Camelot the musical', and 10: Love in Paris living with Roman ones like Mercury and 'The Muppets Wizard of Oz.' Generally, if you Pluto. Secondly, the dialogue is horrible and are not up for watching a serious film then with so many laugh-out-loud moments written these come highly recommended for a laugh. 9: Chairman of the Board with the intention of being serious (some "A surfer becomes the head of a major company," classics include "You have striked Hercules:" words/ Simon giltett runs the tagline of the film. What possible hilarities and "Bucks? Doe? What is all this zoological will ensue? Perhaps 'Edison' will find himself hap- talk about male and female animals?"). lessly incapable of paperwork? Perhaps the stress of Hercules, due to Juno's resentment, is stripped the job, and the memories of times gone by, will of his powers by the end of the film during a push him into an early suicide as the film degrades weight-lifting competition that the mafia have into a gritty and strangely harrowing account of his bet heavily on. Well, 'Mafia' may be an family's struggles to cope without him? Perhaps exaggeration as two of them are nicknamed you'll get bored and leave half-way through the first 'Fat-lips' and 'Nitro', and they are, all, notably hour. Looking at the tagline, my bet is that the PR had at playing threatening characters. company who came up with the slogan did the latter. Hercules befriends a pretzel seller called Pretzie - probably the worst acting 8: Car 54, Where Are You? performance in history (look forward to his soliloquy at the end), who is given several hundred shots of overacted surprise that 7: SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 permeate Hercules' various fights. "A group of smart-talking toddlers find themselves at Schwartzenegger's first role came on the back the center of a media mogul's experiment to crack of his career as a body builder, and the casting the code to baby talk. The toddlers must race against makes sense due to the inordinate number of time for the sake of babies everywhere." Yes, times he takes off his shirt during the film. In because adults' growing ability to converse with one scene, he - in the middle of a conversation - their young is something that is intristically threaten- suddenly says "I need to take a shower", gets ing to all right-minded folks everywhere. half naked and carries on talking as if nothing had happened. 6: Santa with Muscles The method of filming seems to he entirely "An evil millionaire (Hulk Hogan) gets amnesia and based on one take - in one particularly funny then belives [sicj that he is Santa Claus." scene Nemesis, while talking to Juno, claims that "I can't go against the... of the Gods" and I'm still trying to understand how this got into the the correct line is not even dubbed over her bottom 15. verbal fumbling. In another scene, _ Schwartzenegger stubs his toe as he walks 5: Araf away from the camera, and his reaction is clearly out of character, but is just left in the film regardless. There is - literally - no editing 4: From Justin to Kelly to speak of in this film, it's as if they shot the "A lonely, sexually repressed man. A depressed absolute minimum of takes to cut costs, and woman. A summer camp. On this fateful night, they just threw what they had together, almost , will meet... and their hearts will become one." A bypassing the editing stage of spin-off of American Idol, starring two ex-contes- production completely. One of the tants. best sequences of the film is a fight between Hercules and a bear (read 'man in a bear suit' rather than 3: Going Overboard bear). While this has absolutely no point in the plot of the film, it 2: Bottoms Up even cuts between night and day indiscriminately - like no-one involved in the 1: Crossover production realised that "A naturally talented basketball player, Noah Cruise some kind of consistency of is determined to become a doctor using his basket- lighting would make the ball scholarship," is the blurb for what seems to have scene less laughable. To be easily stepped into the plate of 'Worst Film of All fair, though, I suppose Time'. Personally, l can't see why. that Arnold Schwartzenegger fighting a man in a bear suit is actually intrinsically ees • ♦

al& 12

CLUBS %-Nea ImmIlmimmiapppm, BASS TO THE PLACE Liki bus It's business as usual at Valve with the legendary soundsystem out in force can Once my ears have recovered from the first blasts world, and you have a fairly nifty combination of of the Valve Soundsystem, there is an air of quality and quantity. understatement. The people are clothed as The night itself was packed out and it was casually as can be, whilst the venue itself is good to see that beyond the usual sweaty, lacking in the usual glitter or tinsel. What does hyperactive moshpit there to see the Ram grab your attention is the two huge sets of collective, the other rooms generally managed to speakers either side of the stage and the hold their own. Mine was blessed with the liquid opp, the collective on stage; the DJ, bouncing up and down sounds of Bryan G and Pulse kept it local with the strongly hyperactively between the decks and the MCs artists from Radio Frequency B8.1. In Stylus, Andy as morel chatting I-have-no-idea-what but looking like they C combined the new with the old to effect, as datinn 1 mean it. shown by his mix of 'Flamenco' and Moving recumni This is as it should be for a drum n' bass night, Fusion's classic 'Black Hole', whilst MC Fearless 1960s, y and when you have two of the biggest names in the provided the vocals. After Subfocus, Lemon D and business meeting there isn't much need for DiLlinja made the most out of the bass on their own decoration. It's the opposite of that saying about soundsystem, playing a fair few of their own polishing a turd. With Ram Records comes a label productions for the final slot. Then the lights that has run for 15 years and put out many of the turned on and despite the continued dancing biggest releases, kept some of the biggest names there was a feeling of everything coming to an and generally done pretty well for itself. Combine abrupt end. Just a shame it had to be at three.-. this with the Valve soundsystem, the loudest words/john °wens VA IN -111! custom-built drum n bass soundsystem in the

dance/ TRIBAL WARFARE Tribal Sessions bangs the drums...

Not the 30 degree start to a night I'm sure our danced to the end of the Greg Vickers set. Having friend Tanis is used to in Ibiza, but the very seen him a few Tribal Sessions ago I was less antithesis; very nearly missing our taxi trying to Impressed but there was still a decent mix of stand up on the slush, which by the way was this beats. We spent a long time standing to the start of week's excuse against the bus. We arrived, queued Jose De Divina's set - for me so dull I truly briefly before being told that Tania Vulcan° had considered crawling under those "fatal if not been replaced by Jose De Divina, not a great start sober" platforms for a nap. Come to think of it, I'm to the night! We entered the "Boutique", or the pretty sure he's the one who fell asleep with the second room as I prefer to call it, and caught the repeat button left on. There's nothing quite like the end of the Chris Kitchen set - a tasty remix of the Mission toilets for a brief yet deep discussion with Audio Bully's song "there's things I haven't told someone random, (which this week by the way you, I go out late at night..." (a less tasty attempt of was on aftershave), and I found the urinals (right finding the song name) being my highlight of the at the back if you want your willy wonka on display set. The main room was still quite quiet so we to the unsuspecting girl searching for the fag HIDDEP thankfully stuck around to hear my set of the night to praci machine).We returned, tired and smoky, as is ways." from Toni Jarvis - some grimy tunes - and all usual with Mission (aren't those gigantic pipes played with a smile! The standard search for the around the ceiling supposed to be ventilation?) pie ,.ec backroom resulted in a newfound upstairs tunnel yet having had a good night, not much on previous deciskL area from which we chilled to some live music. Sessions nights but definitely something I will with-ih, After a rest, the main room (it certainly isn't a stick to. House with a difference. dust mu' basement?) was looking a bit livelier, so we words/sarnuel vickers the carp puts mo up then cement pg12/clubs/132/160207 building I aria Stasis:int www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday. February 16, 2007 13

Gay? Sick of all those cheesy nights at Mission The Pain Away had smacked us across the ears the dancing to Shama fucking Twain? Well. voila: the dancefloor was ready to go berserk for its Union LGBT's terrnly clubnight. Finally, a gay night legendary 'sucking on my tittles' opening line. And with music that doesn't make you want to drink your Nancy Boy by Placebo cranked things up for all the poppers in despair. crispy-attired blokies sipping cosmopolitans. With And yes, what rather excellent music it was. We Mook playing host this month, its debauchery- were treated to the big-boned The Gossip, lesbian inducing 2 for 1 cocktail offer proved dangerously titans The Organ, and inevitably but joyously. irresistible_ The rather stylish venue was a definite Madonna (Get into the Groove- obviously her best improvement on Mine in the Union, with plush sofa- work).The godlike DJs were somewhat pissed and y bits on which to recline decadently. The only happy to take obscure requests- overjoyed in fact drawback is the minuscule dancefloor where you when it was something they loved... I requested run the risk of knocking yourself out on a badly NewYoung Pony Club and came away with DJ- placed pillar while throwing extravagant shapes. saliva on my hand after one had kissed it in over- And the music certainly made everyone dance enthusiastic appreciation. N'Imm. Ladytron were with gay abandon. While we all love a little bit of lobbed into the mix as were the fab CSS, but camp cheese occasionally, we need a balanced musical staples such as Nelly Furtado were occasionally diet goddammit- and Curious is here to provide it. added to the electro/ rock/ new wave eclecticism to increase the necessary pop quotient. words/ vivien king macdona By the time the opening bars of Peaches' Fuck

the rant/ bhangra/ So, its a Saturday, I'm doing the Obey run and I'm well Banging Bhangra leaves a a fresh on my way to drunkeness. The theme is Music Legends and 1 have borrowed a spectacular Missy Elliott style taste costume. It consists of unfathomably large, white tackles, matching jacket with Adidassy arras-stripes, Upon being asked by the promoter if I was familiar bandana with a carefully balanced baseball cap on top, with Bhangra music, I'm guessing the best enormous gold hoop earrings (from Elizabeth Duke at response wasn't "urn, I like Punjabi MC" . The Argos no less) and copious amounts of bling. I think I silence spoke volumes. Desiology. the new look darn good. Others disagree: I arrange for my monthly South Asian music night at Mint Club hornies to pop a cap in their ass. plays a mix of bhangra remixes and Desi beats. But yes there I am, suitably tongue in cheek, parading The crowd were the most enthusiastic I'd seen in a the streets with Madonna, ohnny Cash and Kiss amongst long while. Despite the initially half-empty others. Every pub welcomes us with open arms to spend surroundings there were already people on the our hard-earned spondoolies on their beverages. dance-floor, most noticeably one tireless couple UNTIL we arrive at one particular establishment on who didn't stop to pause for breath. As already Otley Road which shall remain nameless. I swagger established I know very little about south Asian through the entrance, following the two Meg Whites and music and this night served as the perfect Adam Ant, until I hear a gruff holler from the bouncer introduction. There was a good blend of tradition summoning me back outside. "Sorry love, no tracksuit and modern remixes. At about midnight the stage bottoms allowed".What? You've got to be kidding. I'm was cleared of jigging bodies to make way for a not seriously wearing them. I'm on the Otley Run.You drumming outfit who played energetically along know, that little known Leeds-based pub crawl, you with the DJ. A bit bizarrely as everyone was might not have heard of it... "Makes no difference to me, dancing, a tray of sushi was passed around, tasty read the sign - no tracksuit bottoms". It's IRONIC. This is but not exactly expected. This is one club night not my usual attire. Would you prefer it if I took them that may just be worth getting excited about. off?... Compared with the huge amounts of Gatecrasher/ Unfortunately this offer (which I am, by now, quite Oceana style nights that spring up weekly, happy to fulfil) is not accepted. My entire posse and I are Desiology offers good music with an unpretentious unceremoniously ejected. I'm not a happy gangster, or crowd. The £10 entry price is hardly student at least not until we get to the next pub. friendly but this is hopefully a temporary thing. I'm But I can't help imagining that if I were a real chav- in danger of sounding a bit worthy here but how bad I would have felt if my own seriously-worn considering Leeds' cultural diversity it's great that kecks were being so meanly dissed. It wouldn't happen our club nights are finally starting to reflect the if I really was Missy Elliott. Word. variety. Give Desiology a go, especially if you're as words/ vivien king macdona clueless about bhangra as me, words/ sophie barnes

PAS

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12 MUSIC live/ the middle of the crowd, As it happens, this may be Cristo', juxtaposed with powerful, angular, shouty, fast the only time that a lot of people get to see anything indie rock of 'Don't Give up'; The Noisettes gig had it at all due to the Faversham's woeful capability at all. Lead singer Shingai Shoniwa, having only arrived dealing with large audiences, which is rather at the venue a few minutes before going on stage unfortunate as Duke Special's world is as much about after doing "sit-ups on the train with a sixty year old visuals as it is beautiful songs. (Chip Bailey's mastery man", was confident and content with her position of bells, whistles, cheese graters and egg whisks is, as front woman. With an incredible vocal range and by now, well known, although everyone seems to be styles of singing she has the upbeat personality and Lik bowing their guitars these days.) energy perfect to make indie music sound brilliant Very few acts give the impression of working quite and exciting. Often compared with the Yeah Yeah bus so hard, of being quite so in love with their audience Yealis, The Noisettes manage to use this accessible or of having quite so much fun as Duke Special. We sound and combine it with discordant guitar and soft can file out of the venue slightly in love with him, too. (8) harmonies throughout the songs ('Bridge to Canada'), and although they didn't get the crowd dancing very wordsiramzy alwalteel much, everyone seemed to be enjoying the show. Shingai's crowd interaction; a tendency to use the amplifiers as a climbing frame, and singing to the Au BONOBO crowd in the encore without a microphone received the faversham the loudest applause. Dan Smith (guitar and backing vocals) and Jamie Morrison (drums) were the oppt Wednesday 7th February quite content leaving the antics to Shingai. They strongly remained in the background, throwing at us some as more I very skilled and heavy guitar and drum beats. They dation I When I turned round from the bar of the Faversham, created a full, powerful sound lacking in...for retilmni the floor was suddenly packed with jostling bodies ,eye, example.-- Franz Ferdinand_ An interesting band and 1 realised the band had quietly assembled dynamic; two hairy men and an enigmatic front onstage and started playing the first song. This is the woman with tribal paintings on her face and a glittery understated beauty of Bonobo, master of the serene t-shirt -fitted perfectly with the Jekyll and Hyde music downtempo ambient sound_ There is no showboating style_ (8) Bonobo: No monkeys were harmed or pretension but an intricate instrumental synergy in the taking of this photo that speaks for itself. They played "The Sicilian" words/toss eaton "Katie", and "the Noctnary" where haunting melodic sequences accumulate to create a complex resonance which swells to a perfectly-timed DUKE SPECIAL crescendo_ An obvious highlight was the achingly beautiful "If you stayed Over" with the rich smoky review/ the faversham tones of Kathrin de Boer cascading over the layers of Sunday 1 Ith February sonic strata. This was an improvement on the album The top tip to look out for in the coming weeks is track where Fink provides more subdued vocals. undoubtedly the return of Charlotte Hatherly. With There was a modest stirring of the audience to her eagerly awaited second solo album 'The Deep The night begins with a sell-confessed 'bit of country some of the more lively times like "Nightlite", but with a snatch of Western' in the inexplicably named generally the dance floor was not being put to its Blue' on the horizon, the former Ash Guitarist stops Loudmouth Soup. No prizes will be won for intended use. This is the drawback of the chilled out off in Leeds to blow the roof off the cockpit with her originality, but it is nice to see a non-ironic country set in this kind of venue; the vibrant sprawling delightful brand of indie/punk/pop on Thurdsay 1st shire and the use of pedal steel. particularly in 'The soundscapes were a more appropriate backdrop for March and you'll thank your lucky stars that there are Boatmen', is highly effective. a festival than a dense sweating crowd in a dark a handful of tickets left, get them while you can. The beauty of Stephanie Dosen's voice, ranging room. Simon Green's stage presence was vaguely between Ertunylou Harris and Alison unassuming. he addressed the crowd only to rouse Other things that you'd be mad to miss out on are: Goldfrapp, seems to be competing for centre stage their sympathy for the heroic drummer who was with the arrestingly questionable sense of humour playing with a broken foot. The encore was the sleek with which she punctuates her slot. Alas, if her music moody "Between the lines", followed by "On your Tuesday 20th Febuary were only weaker, I would suggest a comedy career; Marks" which climaxed in an explosion of drums and Faversham in either case, I have never witnessed such a high sax before the track was dropped in at the last minute banter-to-music ratio. She claims to have three and the band played out to rapturous applause. DJ Vadirn Presents.. _ testicles. The string arrangements are very pretty. Overall, a transcendental experience which only ONESELF ft. yarah brava, Nu eunt13, and di woody Immediately demanding the indelmite loan of our makes one excited about what to expect in days to Kilikanevil (live) hearts by performing the set opener whilst standing come. (8) doors 9-2, £7 on his piano stool, wobbling uncertainly and looking justifiably terrified, Duke Special is captivating. His words/abi `pun-queen' green lyrics reliably witty, his songs reliably tragic and his Wednesday 21st February hair reliably dreadlocked, he takes his audience to Faversham the heights and depths of his own world, and to the extremes of the fantasies through which we all THE NOISETTES Union of Knives with support from Shiny Toy Guns conduct our own existences. doors 7.30 pm £5 The show is, to this merit, never dull, by virtue of its the cockpit theatrical fluctuation between large, Vaudevillian Wednesday 7th February musical theatre ('I Let You Down', 'Don't Breathe') and Friday 23rd February Arriving in Leeds on the same night as the riot only disarming glimpses of what lies beneath it ('No Cover Hifi Club Up' ), flitting wildly through everything in between. the NME rave tour, but Bonobo at The Faversham AND the England game might have been a problem, but including the two realisations of the Duke's perhaps The Headhunters MODE? unsurprising ability to write the world's best pop although The Noisettes were only in the smaller room to Israel doors 7pm, r I 0 singles. 'Freewheel' and 'Last Night I Nearly Died'. at the Cockpit (this has happened with the last three ways." Elsewhere, an affected, intimate cover of Elliott gigs I've been to here, do the promoters not like the ple seer Smith's 'Baby Britain' is a moving highlight. main room anymore?), they manage to get a full Tuesday 28th February The met drC1S I Returning to the stage for a rare full-band encore, crowd and they don't disappoint, Beautiful soaring 1, It it -lilt he promptly leaves it again three songs later to close lyrics, floating guitars and harmonies; everything you dui mu_ the night with an unplugged 'John Lennon Love' from would expect from a folk band in 'The Count of Monte little Man Tate the carp doors 7pm tickets from jumbo/crash ❑ puts m pglihnusic/Is2/160207 up the s cement building I pada StudAnt www_leetisstudentorg.uk Friday. February 16. 2007 13.

■ sin gl Ps/

THE HOURS words/ramzy alwakee Guitars that have probably been nicked off a Half `Narcissus Road' Man Half Biscuit song help 'Romantic Type' (Dance To MEM records BUCK BROTHERS The Radio) prove that The 'Me' Pigeon Detectives are Back2forward records better than Little Man Tate. A case study in missed opportunities and in trying This, one senses, is the kind too hard, Narcissus Road stumbles along with of thing that matters to them, earnest intent but somehow ends up tired, older, Buck Brothers; they've got lipstick and pink shoes on so, er, well done. Next stop disillusioned and precisely where it began. Granted, the album cover, a male drummer called Alice and The View, eh? there is a certain romance inherent to this very state, they're pretty famous in the U.S. and Canada but the overwhelming impression is of desperation, although they're from London. This album, entitled Badly Drawn Boy used to of boats missed, of throwing money at a dead horse 'ME', is boring college rock at its most dire; all in the live up to his reputation; his and of mixed metaphor. same key with a monotone singer. 'Girls, skirts, songs were quirky, Were Hope of the States to be reincarnated boots, bikes'... not only for the title but also the song. interesting, and touching, and his voice, though and watered down with the second Killers album, the is the worst thing I've experienced for while. A bad limited, had a lovelorn quality that matched them. result would not be dissimilar to this: chronically and start to a review, but I'm not planning on getting any nicer. Maybe if "Predatory Power Pop Punk" is your Now, he does tired crap like 'A Journey from A to B' fatally faux-passionate, wearing very little on its (EMI), a song so in thrall to 'classic songwriting' that it thing, you'll like it, but for the rest of us, this is one to sleeve but a lot in its mixing desk and managerial forgoes its right to have its own personality, hiding avoid. team. Comprising a couple of ex-session musicians behind tedious pianos and a man muttering of Here's some definitions to get to the heart of what for various legendary and semi-legendary British eternity - he sounds like he's still trying, but his ideas bands, The Hours sound as though their record was this band think they are: left him long ago. made by someone with an excellent grasp of how to make (and attractively package) a rock album but no Predatory; adjective, preying, exploitative, excessive A similar problem affects soul, no point. So obsessed are they with the 'we greed, selti h. Willy Mason's 'Save Myself care' tagline that the music comes across as (Radiate); the verses are contrived and puerile, the affirmation of a point that Power; noun, energy, possession of control. passionate, albeit not- no-one made in the first place. This is particularly entirely-unfamiliar, griping frustrating as there are occasional flashes of - if not Pop; noun, music of general appeal to teenagers; a about The State Of The brilliance, then certainly potential - such as the bland watered-down version of rocknroll. Modern USA, and would (ironically) soaring 'Icarus', the Music-esque 'Murder have been good enough to and Suicide' and the overindulgent but sporadically Punk; Adjective, of very poor quality; Slang, A young carry the song on their own, pretty closer 'Let Me Breathe'. But these are all too person, especially a member of a rebellious Unfortunately, he's put on a wretched chorus where he mutters "Baby won't you little, too late: the clunky, misjudged lyrical palate counterculture group. come, baby won't you come" ad nauseam in the over- leaves one with a taste in one's mouth (as polished cod-soulful style of Chris Martin informing desperation takes hold, or - more likely - boredom), How could this get worse? They've decided to try and break a world record, performing the highest you that he's gonna "sing it owwwwt", so he can get smacking as it does of self-congratulation, back in the fucking queue. pretension and false drive, such as first single 'Ali In number of gigs ever in London in a day...30 gigs between 1 larn and llpm on the 5th of March, and The Jungle' which is aggressively excited about Union of Knives' 'Evil Has Never' (Relentless) is a guess what, you could be there! For all of the gigs! something it has forgotten to disclose (although a functional bit of electro-indie-pop with designs on wry nod to 'Ludwig van' earns a bonus point) or the (definition; Gig; nautical,an object that whirls. Maybe being either Depeche Mode or Swedish. It's big, sanctimonious title track. Terrifyingly, this is perhaps it could be fun?) buzzy, and sterile as vaguely what it would sound like if Oasis secretly Finally, one last gibe, their website claims; painkillers. Its the music of adored The Feeling. "A sound that your mother wouldn't openly approve Captain as played by some Still, it is a well-made, competent record of but would secretly sing to herself on the quiet". I not very interesting It and, from a distance, it might have something to say. really, really, don't think she would. (1) androids. Maybe you have to Up close, however, all it offers are half-remembered • see them live or something, and half-understood sentiments. If you want words/tess eato • something real, buy the Bloc Party album. If, You can imagine someone however, you're after a cheap hit of blind "passion" to saying that about I Was A Cub Scout, too. 'Pink dull the senses and satisfy an easily placated need Squares' (Abeano) sounds for shallow emotion then this will do the trick. (4) like it aching for an adventure in some city or other - the drums are positively sparkling, the guitars and synths are spiralling and dreaming, but the song itself is nothing advert/ like as interesting, with a chorus that stumbles badly dameleaLfrag over its own earnestness and takes the wind clean out of their sails. They await a loving owner; they find 02 UNDISCOVERED them, then things can get exciting. In conclusion: Sophie Ellis-Bextor wins, As she often As an appetite for unsigned music becomes ever 10 shortlist to be put forward for a final held in does. 'Catch You' (Fascination) lives on brutality. The more noticeable, mobile giants 02 launch their London later in the year. beat is Strictly Come second annual search for the latest and greatest Additional A&R workshops are also available Deathwish. When she trills unsigned act in the UK. Last year's winners Jag in major towns and cities and visit Leeds on the 17th "Why waste your energy?" it (below) went on to release a single with Polydor and February visit the website for more details. reminds you of Kylie, are currently making their way up the ranks of the Even if you don't win, there's still an opportunity for assuming Kylie lived under a London Ska/punk scene so this year expectations millions of 02 customers and unsigned music fans to volcano and was, y'know... listen to your music and to have industry experts cast are high and the rewards larger. EVIL. "Run to where you their opinions and offer their advice. Any band in the UK can sign up. simply want! Run to where you want! upload a track to the online library for consideration www.o2undiscovered.co.uk I AM GONNA FIII-IND YOUI" from the panel of industry experts who select a top And she is. She's got arms like the Humber Bridge, with gigantic tungsten claws where her hands should be. Her hair is Kevlar, her lips are samurai swords, and, as the video amply demonstrates, she can run forever, EVEN WHEN WEARING HEELS. 'Catch You' is a beast, and comfortably the best thing that's been in this column all year. If you persist in choosing Mika over this, then it's gonna be a lot more than just the kittens that get it.

words/william b. swygart

• " Tahitathe freely band admits came up that with the narrie partly because they thought that 'I 'Heart WPC'good onwould a thirt" look

1. the oppt strongly 1152 CATCHES UP WITH 11N 1110re dation I NEW YOUNG PONY recomm 19605. y CLUB AHEAD OF THEIR GIG AT THE MET ON FEB 7TH AS PART OF THE NME INDIE RAVE TOUR

HIDDEP to praci ways." plc +cc' deciski with-tha dust mu the carp pits ma) up the cement building apda Ctt green* www.lPwfsstudentorf.uk Friday. February 16. 2007

juat dne-indi, aed that's hardly a new thing. She also gave the little insight that tight ep unte the lot ITYY1.11VI my opin- minute it was goieg to be called 'ale-dance' by the substance- argument was vvhat malty ion though. The tact that there's no reason whyband style Club is IlatiSiC a NME.Though I'm going to have to ede this slightly as this Yeleng POny and image can't be iuerices to the Might be read before the watershed, ner favourite to , • to say aboutt to Newthis interview and the gig cieates as long as they remain lust that, influe-nces, quote front Tatum was the following: 'it's a be hard rather than the only thing to grab attention•This PI ' _.'1,'-'-'' ee i• re• - Wiest. • I wasn't really that fussed, 'lee-Cream' though cos' we've been playing first. when every- exchange started with my questroe `what things, musi- body's just had thee tea and really cant be used to Th''.... Ong and they all look lovely enough but I was- cal or otherwise,have influenced you as a band?'. Well I suppose that's better than playing latex ' sle' rut call a fan, It's for these masons 1 didn't real- Arnsingly.Tahea freely admits that the band came up on whee everyone's seetfaced'.What's not to like "what to expect when interviewing the band, or in with the name partly because they thought that '1 lest lead singer Tahita, who was to my relief,her glie as would look good, an a t-shirt, and partly on words/ nett walker Cl about honesty? ,, and likeable as you could hope for -to By the end Heartbecause Po Pony Club was already taken.I also asked the . •-eyebrow makeup and jazzy attire cheesy question evitat was the first record your ever hiteseiew could definitely tell that Tahita not only bought?'. It's a classic for a reason, and in case your What she's talking about, but that she's 'one of us', wondering she said it was Duran DUOS". and Madonna. wanted to know where we were all going after We also agreed on the whole 'New Rave' movement, in The rev, of course, to try and annoy a ellaxon or that it isn't really anything new and if you look at it, it's afte party. al interests and the whole 'style over •

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nfortunately for New Young Pony Club, sexy", Portuguese for "Tired of being sexy", those do not seem to be a staple of tonight's show. There is when they take to the stage at the crack unfamiliar with the Sao Paolo natives could be forgiv- nothing to separate this from the atmosphere of other of dawn in gig terms, the room is only en for thinking this gig is soon to be heading in the hyped up indie gigs. That said, a minority of worry- around a quarter full. Those early birds direction of a languid lounge jazz vibe. Think again. ingly young punters are visibly having what some who did bother to get themselves here CSS bound on stage and straight into cheeky album would call an 'MDMAzing' time. While I hate to play on tune, or aren't stuck waiting to buy an opener 'CSS Suxxx'. Frontwoman Lovefoxxx, a the responsible adult it's definitely not a good thing liroverpriced, watered down pint of Carling, are treated whirling dervish in baggy white t-shirt and leggings, that journalists see fit to encourage their young audi- to a half hour set of disco filtered indie. shouts coquettishly "C! S! S! Suck!" Next up is the ence to sample these delights in what can be a dis- Disappointingly for a band putting out music that is band's one true piece of pop genius "Alala". The orientating, dehydrating and unfriendly environ- most at home on the dancefloor the band remain repeated vocals 'ah la la ah la la' aren't exactly on the ment. fairly static throughout with only froniwoman Teethe level of Dylan. Springsteen or even Maximo Park but If we're to believe those London trendsetters at the exception. Her semi shaven head and stuttering along with the trebly guitar and casio beats they cre- Vice magazine then new rave, at least the clothing robot dance produce a striking if somewhat disinter- ate a real rhythm. The band's wild child vocalist wins style, is already dead (boys it's browns, blacks and ested pose that leaves the crowd cold. Ironic for a over the crowd with her zany Latin American greys with a hint of the absurd and for girls baggy band whose best song is called 'Ice Cream'. Played humour, reading out sob stories from celeb gossip white tees, leggings and Doc Martins...or so I'm towards the end of the set it's a shame the Talking mags and talking general nonsense in broken told). Indeed the fashion concept turned loosely Heads-esque electro beat and downright filthy lyrics English. Prior to playing 'Music is My Hot Hot Sex' associated musical sub-genre has been around for don't warm up the meagre crowd. I (like most of the Lovefoxxx announces that if prematurely deceased nigh on a year now and without the next-big-thing audience I can only presume) am dancing on the R'n'B star Aaliyah were still alive that she would be excitement behind them the Klaxons' material is inside. (6) singing this song. The humorous, highly stylised, exposed at certain points throughout the set as It's no surprise that by the time New Yorkshire sur- spunky and sarcastic lyrics of songs like 'Art Bitch' decidedly average. Having said that, the Shoreditch vivors turned punk funk party starters The Sunshine and 'Fuckoff is Not the Only Thing You Have to Show' scenesters turned scene starters have more than a Underground take to the stage the room is filling up are exercises in post-coolness but the band is at its few bonafide CHOONS with which to silence the nicely (albeit mainly with our day-glo clad little most engaging when it focuses on the music and naysayers. 'Atlantis to Interzone', whose sampled brothers and sisters). The tracksuited lads with finds a real groove. Set closer and biggest hit 'Let's 'klaxon' siren call has become synonymous with something of a Mane swagger about them are defi- Make Love and Listen to Death From Above' actually indie music that wants to blow it's whistle, creates nitely the odd ones out on this line up but the crowd captures some of the raucous rhythm of DFA1979 pandemonium in the pit. Before even a note is played (those old enough to drink anyhow) are more than with punk funk hi hats something like early Le Tigre. of new single and pop-chart hand grenade 'Golden willing to temporarily put aside their glow sticks in Comparisons aside, CSS show they do have sub- Skans' the audience are already singing the haunting exchange for swilling pints in plastic cups. The Leeds stance beneath their (impeccable) style. (8) vocal melody back at the stage. Their other 'rave' band storm through hits of their acclaimed debut Klaxons take to stage lanky, boisterous and cover, Grace's "Not Over Yet" is perhaps high point of Raise The Alarm' including Wake Up' and 'Put You In seething with energy. Opening with the song that the set showing that vocals can still be a strong point Your Place'. Armed to the teeth with all manner of perhaps helped to spawn the new rave myth, a cover without references to the occult and nods to post percussive instruments, the boys inject a healthy of Kicks Like A Mule's rave anthem The Bouncer', the apocalyptic novelists J C Ballard and William dose of rhythm into their set which significantly band of the moment have the crowd going wild from Burroughs. Set closer 'Gravity's Rainbow' is a spazzed boosts the live quality of their music as well as dri- the off. Their blistering pace and furious delivery out, intergalactic love song and the chorus refrain ving the atmosphere of the room up a notch. Even resembles more the death metal satanic punk of must ring true for the majority of those present recent single 'Boarders' is greeted with a riotous Mclusky and the retrospectively ahead of their time tonight: "Come with me/ Come with me/ We'll travel reception. This may have something to do with the Pesticides than dance music in any of its forms. What to infinity/ I'll always be there for you/ My future local support, but with the band garnering support the songs lose in detail and accuracy they gain in the love." from the tight jeaned hipsters and asbo youth alike. pure adrenaline rush of the performance. Though (7) surely greatness must await; "come on Leeds!" front- certain quarters of the national music press may words/ j r dennett man Craig Wellington calls out to the crowd. (8) have it that everyone who goes to see the Klaxons is With a moniker that stands for "Cansei de ser pilled up to their eyeballs or lost in the K hole, drugs 12

I • • LS2 takes a look at the work of The Blood Diamond's director, Ed Zwick/

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• LikE bus can ...v. Starring/ Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Connelly, Djimon Hounsou, *.... .t. 2 . IT Michael Sheen Director/ Ed Zwick .." iT o is Edward Zwick you ask? Well, the app( Zwick is one of many Hollywood strongly directors whose name may not ring a ads more bell, but who has for years made a steady stream dation I uch a good film, really enjoyed myself. Set overall performance, but even so, DiCaprio's acting against the backdrop of the chaos and civil prowess is truly undeniable. He seems to have of mainstream films that have penetrated the recommi war that enveloped 1990s Sierra Leone, Blood public consciousness. He has worked alongside 1960s. v S capitalised on the darker elements of his character the likes of Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins. Tom Cruise Diamond is the story of Danny Archer (DiCaprio), in recent years, what with his remarkable an ex-mercenary made diamond smuggler from performance in The Departed, but it is clear that he and Denzel Washington amongst many other high profile Hollywood names. Zimbabwe, and Solomon Vandy (Hounsou), a has really found his feet in this role. Blood Diamond Mende fisherman. When Solomon loses his family Equally, Djimon Hounsou is heart-warmingly Zwick's current film has received to local rebels and is forced to sift for diamonds in a convincing as Solomon. It helps that he has the best much publicity and is praised not only for its local mine, he finds something quite special... a shouting voice that I have heard in some time. He has performances (especially that of Leonardo huge diamond. Danny Archer is quick on the scent two modes in this film, looking like a sad dog and DiCaprio, who is nominated for an Oscar), but also and what ensues is a break neck paced thriller screaming at people "Where are my family!?!?!" but for the pertinent issues of child soldiering and where both men's lives are attached to the fate of the it works for him, Jennifer Connelly is again, conflict diamonds that it explores_ Even though it very object that is tearing their nation apart... believable but she seems too aware of the camera. has been dismissed by some as merely one of many At times this film can be seen as both brutal and She's hot and she knows it and seems to be current films that use white protagonists to explore completely unforgiving in its depiction of the rebel constantly flirting with her eyes. Even in mortal issues regarding Africa (alongside, for example, violence sweeping through our character's lives. danger her eyes seem to flirt too much. The Constant Gardener and The Last King of This is not done in an overly gratuitous way, nor does The ending could be criticised for being a little Scotland). it cannot be denied that films like these it radiate the affected air of Hollywood; it's realistic, corny, but to be honest any film with such content are important in giving these issues public harrowing, but most importantly, very believable. with a happy ending is always subject to such recognition. Not all of his work, however, has been What gives this film its real pomp however, are its criticism. I thought the ending acceptable, but most so weighty. flawless performances. DiCaprio truly holds the importantly it still hammered home its political The late 90s saw Zwick churning out a series of screen as Danny Archer. He is in no doubt constantly message: Always check where you get your rather underwhelming military thrillers including the central interest in this film and at no time do you diamonds from. The Sedge (1998) and Courage Under Fire (1996), doubt his legitimacy as a character. His South which were relatively high profile but mildly African accent is solid, which undoubtably holds a (8/10) received. Nevertheless, Zwick has displayed what large amount of sway over our judgement of his words/ andrew edlestone may be viewed as range, and his feature-length directorial debut was a somewhat mediocre 80s relationship drama with Demi Moore called About Last Night. He also went on to co-create My So Called Life, the short lived offbeat TV show about suburban teenage dramas which starred Claire he BAFTAs. Really, does anyone actually for United 93. The Last King of Scotland was awarded Danes. care? It's the eternal question that plagues Best British Film and Best Actor for Forest Whitaker. Zwick is no stranger to big budget action films Tthe event. Just as the British film industry lives Little Miss Sunshine's Alan Arkin won Best with a message; indeed one of his most famous and in the shadow of the films produced across the Supporting Actor and the film got Best Original highly praised films to date is Glory (1989), an pond, the BAFTAs are essentially the poor man's Screenplay too. Children of Men may have missed effective and enjoyable exploration of the American Academy Awards. The Robin to the Academy out on being nominated in the major categories, Civil War from the perspective of the first all-black Awards' Batman. Sort of. Even the winners must feel but the film still managed scoop the awards for company of soldiers. Zwick has had plenty of a little awkward accepting their award. When they Cinematography and Production Design. Pan's practice directing such period films, including the win their Oscar later this month, that BAFTA's shelf Labyrinth won Best Foreign Film and also a host of forgettable Legends of the Fall (1994). set in turn of life is probably going to take a plunge. And judging other awards. Undoubtedly, at least in the mind of the century America. The Last Samurai (2003). by the no-show at Sunday's ceremony by the likes this ill-informed writer, Pan's Labyrinth was the best Zwick's most recent period effort, is a commendable of Leonardo DiCaprio and a number of others, the film of last year. The BAFTAs obviously disagreed. It two-hour attempt at making Tom Cruise not look night wasn't exactly top of Hollywood's 'To-Do' list. wasn't even one of the nominees for Best Film. Pan's ridiculously short in 19th century Japan. It is an That trip to K-Mart must have just clinched it. Labyrinth sat on the sidelines as The Queen took over-bloated and rather silly period epic that takes Anyway. All reservations aside, the awards-do did home that prize. Now by all accounts Helen Mirren itself far too seriously. Yet whilst it was an extremely see some year's finest flicks get the recognition deserved to win Best Actress, and if she hadn't high-profile film, it was fundamentally a vehicle for HIDDEf they thoroughly deserved. there would have been panic in the streets of its star and not a directors' film_ to praci No one film dominated the night and none of the London. Fair enough. But how this jumped up BBC Zwick, so far, has had quite an interesting and ways." big contenders went away empty handed. Well, afternoon drama beat The Departed or The Last diverse career, and although he may never be a almost. Despite being one of the most acclaimed King of Scotland is amazing. In a bad way. Consider household name, let's just hope that from now on he ple seci films of the year, Casino Royale was left all but my cinemtic faith shaken. will steer clear of bland military thrillers and go on decisive empty handed. Eva Green's Rising Star award could But then again. This is the BAFTAs. And within a to direct more important and international films like V‘' - the just about be considered a victory for Bond. Just few weeks, days or maybe even in just a matter of Blood Diamond. dust MU about. As the night went on all the big name films minutes...will anyone care? the got their gongs. Paul Greengrass won Best Director puts mo words/ mark mackay words/ dan smith up the s pg18/artsfIs2/160207 cement building l ama Ct.',lane www letoricettirinet.nreeilk Friday. February 16. 2007 13

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he film begins with Dench on a bench wistfully overlooking London, accompanied Tby her voiceover that proceeds to take us through her sordid and delusional thoughts. Judi Dench plays the part of Barbara, the battleaxe history teacher and withered spinster, cats and all. The film is cleverly set in grey wintry months, which makes Blanchett's character's arrival, Sheba, even NOTES ON more of a beautiful breath of fresh air to the faculty, and in particular the students. It's not long before Sheba, the progressive art teacher, becomes engaged in a raunchy affair with 15-year-old A SCANDAL Stephen, and Barbara catches them at it. Barbara then uses this newly acquired information to tie Sheba down to a strange and one-sided friendship. • Throughout Notes on a Scandal, we as an audience are let into Barbara's thoughts via voiceover that t. narrate her diary entries. We know far more than Starring/ Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett, Bill Nighy Blanchett's character and so an appropriate amount Director/ Richard Eyre of naivety is laid upon her. There is a satisfying scene at the end where she discovers all, however it is one fashioned two beautifully constructed characters ex teacher played by Bill Nighy who, despite having of few payoffs I found myself half way through within Sheba and Barbara. However, as a whole a relatively small part is a delight to watch. wondering how this could possibly end in a way that script it is at times dragging and long winded. Essentially this is a film that is weighed down by a doesn't trivialise the rest of the film. There is The acting is certainly one thing that can't be fabulous cast but that drags its feet when it comes to certainly one slightly toe curling "cry of anguish" faulted. Judi Dench is superb and has a cold blue- the story telling. Written as a novel by Zoe Heller and scene that seems to have been thrown in at the last eyed stare that would freeze a desert, and a pinched short listed for the Man Booker Prize and long listed minute to add depth that is already there to expression that displays her sallow disappointment for the Orange Prize, one gets the feeling that as a Blanchett's character. with life and disdain for her students. It is quite story it works better in prose than on the big screen. The expectation of the script is high because it is sweet when the floaty vision of Sheba brings a smile a product of Closer writer Patrick Marber and he to her face but quickly becomes unnerving when (6/10) does not fail to deliver, in dialogue at least. It is Dench starts cracking onto her - don't worry there is quintessentially British and realistic with some no snagging. Blanchett is equally wonderful as the words/ beth colmer fantastic one liners from Judi Dench. He has also liberal young artist that has married her much senior

arody, homage or spoof. There is no one term that accurately defines the very specific type pof comedy which forms the hub of the work created between the trio of Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright and Nick Frost. Maybe it is the illusiveness of this defining quality that ensures the brilliance of nearly any project that any one of them touches. One could argue that the secret to their success is the ability to find and exploit genre niches in the media market. Juxtaposing the typically adrenaline fuelled American action genre onto a very quaint British rural setting is certainly something that has never before been attempted, yet when considered seriously reveals itself to be a perfect notion for an entertaining film. Alternatively, it could quite simply be that these Starring/ Simon Pegg. Nick Frost. Jim Broadbent, Bill Nighy, Steve Coogan, Martin people actually enjoy their work. Hot Fuzz is a rare Freeman. Paddy Considine, Timothy Dalton Director/ Edgar Wright example of film-making which is the result of a simple -e-at 4. _ combination of an obvious shared lave and knowledge activity, it falls to Nicholas and his brilliantly named sequences at the beginning to the Point Break film of with refined anglicised cult humour. partner Danny Butterman (Frost) to bust it wide open. reference at the end. Whilst this is a more definitively Nicholas Angel is a British Police Officer with the A very simple premise, and quite rightly so. The structured film than Shaun of the Dead, it does not lack London Metropolitan Police Service. He's good at his possibilities for character expansion are endless, arty of the hilarity or quotability that made that film job, with an arrest record 400% higher than any other which allows writers Pegg and Wright to make the such a success. If anything, Hot ft= adds even more to serving member. Actually, he's too good. As a result of most of their brilliant ensemble of talented British the trio's repertoire of filmic ability. This review doesn't this he is relocated to a quiet village named Sandford character actors. It takes on the feeling of a Miss do it justice, anyone could write for days on its in Dorset where the crime rate is non-existent, and Marple detective story, pertaining to a certain level of slickness, style and comic value. The best thing to do is therefore where Nicholas can be prevented from realism for a good length of time before the pacing to see the quality for yourself. hueuhating his superiors. However, Sandford is not takes a shot of pure adrenaline. There are the quite as sleepy as it seems to be and soon Nicholas trademark homage references made throughout the (8/10) discovers a significant crime ring. With the local police film from the Tony Scott shaky-cam montage words/ torn foster service blindly ignorant to the possibility of criminal

professionalism and expectation. the interval, and was the strongest production of all THE SHAKESPEARE It was bemusing to see that the youngest age four. Most of the cast were playing characters close to group had decided to perform one of Shakespeare's their own age, which meant that certain crucial most challenging plays, The Merchant of Venice. None moments of teen angst and sexual frustration were SCHOOLS of the cast looked over the age of about twelve, but very convincingly portrayed. It also meant that it was pull it off they did and with great aplomb. one of the most moving performances of the play that FESTIVAL @ WYP Understanding Shakespeare tests academics, but not I have ever seen. Having only seen actors in their only did I believe that the diminutive chap in the thirties play the lead roles before, the novelty of come to he more I think about it, the more I black cape was Shylock, I felt chills down my spine as seeing fourteen year olds play perhaps the two mast the conclusion that this is a remarkable he delivered his last speech. Watch out for Dean famous teenage parts in English literature meant that Tidea. Over the space of a fortnight, 1,050 Patrick - he's going be famous in twenty years, mark I actually believed it. schools across the country present their versions of my words. Lastly. the 15 - 19 age group gave a dynamic and various condensed Shakespeare plays in Next on the list was Much Ado About Nothing, inventive version of 'Twelfth Night. It was very much impressively major national theatres. We were to see performed by Intake Arts College. Alternative emo an ensemble piece, with all the cast on stage for the four plays in the space of two hours by four separate kid Benedict sparred convincingly with queen of the entire production, alternately mimicking and schools. Although the audience was primarily made playground (crossed arms, black kohl scowl and heckling whomever was acting at the time. pof proud parents and family members (echoes of ponytail included) Beatrice, and a Carl Baral-esque Hi Mum" reverberated around the room before the Prince held his own words/ Tara choksey performance), there was a definite sense of Romeo and Juliet was the treat in store for us after

;Sr ves

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"Wear the old coat and buy the new book."

- Austin Phelps

fiction/ news/

Myrren's Gift something of a welcome relief considering the turn of • At 6pm on Tuesday, as part of the "Leeds Read" 2007, Fiona McIntosh events. McIntosh shows a real flair for a "Pancakes and Poetry"evening will be held in 672pp, Orbit, E7.99. characterisation in Myrren's Gift. although one flaw Parkinson Court. This year's event involves students might be that the characters (of which there are voting for their favourite poem. A selection of the Since the success of the transfer of many) are somewhat black and white in their poems nominated will be read by Performance and the Lord of the Rings from page to intentions; for example, Wyl is every inch the hero Cultural Industries students; a small charge will be Likt screen, the market for fantasy novels despite the cruel twists of fate he suffers, whereas his made for the appropriate retreshernents1 has swollen greatly with a glut of enemy, evil King Celimus, shows know signs of • Stef Penney has won the first Costa book award for The Tenderness of Wolves. Penney bus sword-and-sorcery works. As a fan of redemption. her novel the genre, this doesn't particularly bother me, but McIntosh doesn't seem to place the same merit in researched the tale of murder and intrigue set in 19th can what does is the high proportion of such books that description of landscapes as she shows to her century Canada in the British Library. are, simply, unoriginal tosh which borrow so heavily characters and their attire, but the story doesn 't suffer • Despite not being released for another five months, from the geniuses of fantasy literature, such as for this The plot is clear, and by the end, you really the final installment of J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter

Tolkein, George RR Martin, or Robert Jordan that empathise with WO, although some of the other series is already at the top of the Amazon bestseller there is nothing new about them at all. However, characters are not mentioned for several chapters, chart on preorder sales alone.

McIntosh's Myrren's Gift bucks this trend, and is an and one almost forgets them. Another complaint by A11 intriguing beginning lo the seemingly obligatory some might be that by the end of the book, all the the oppt trilogy (decent stand alone fantasy is rare these dealing and lying clone by all characters is somewhat non-fiction/ strongly days). confusing, and it takes several long speeches towards

as inure I It primarily focuses on the trials and tribulations the end to refresh some of the pones that could be Whose Bible Is It?: A History of clat ion I of General Wyl Thirsk of Morgravia as he seeks to win forgotten. All in all, MyrrenS Gift represents a the Scriptures Through the Ages recomm a battle of wits against the vile King of his people. So welcome edition to the fantasy genre, as it has Jaroslav Pelikan 1960s. y far, so simple. However, where Myrren's Gift marks a enough originality to hold its own in a flooded 288pp, Penguin Books Ltd. £8.99 departure from the norm is in the other underlying market, and I for one am looking forward to reading h. I plorlines, such as the eponymous gift Wyl receives the next two instalments. One of the most controversial from a witch whose suffering he tried to ease as a boy documents of all time has to have during her trial. It will detract a large amount of the (7/10) been the Bible, in its various forms, tension if I describe what precisely the gift entails, so translations and in particular its

for those of you who are even vaguely interested, I words/ katie chum varying interpretations. In Whose shall remain quiet on this score, but suffice it to say Bible Is It?, jaros]av Pelikan, one of the world's

the moment when the true gift makes itself known is foremost bible-scholars presents a history of the text, from its beginnings in Hebrew and Greek. through Latin and numerous other languages. as well as examining the importance of the spoken word in its fiction/ origin. He also includes some thoughts on the influence of the tome in the present day, and his Satsuma Sun-mover hugely refreshing after Torn Robbins' smug and hopes for its future. Adam Green 0 heavy style). Still, Green's lyrical and descriptive Sounds like some hard going, yes? Well, at some

194pp, Lazy Gramophone, £6.99 prose does not obscure a solid grounding in stages, I confess, Pelikan lost me a little as he went cultural and intellectual awareness, which works to into detail about this translation or that, and the Satsuma Sun-mover is a produce witty and poignant moments. precise meaning of a particular word and each subtle fantastic book, in all senses of This is the kind of book one wishes had an nuance of the original text that is seemingly missed the word. Following Theo equivalent edible form. Filling your head with from its current accepted version. My mind and eyes

Fintwistle through his induction If Images and your belly with laughter, Satsuma Sun- began to wander from the page, and I began to into the world of philosophy at mover is a delight. This is Green's first novel, and wonder whether I should just give up, However, that

Cambridge, across continents, through the fifth leaves much room for future publications (I view was somewhat harsh and unforgiving, and the

dimension, and in and out of various mental states, thoroughly expect a sequel). Easy to absorb and majority of the just-under-three-hundred-pages are

the reader experiences the coming of age of a satisfying, I recommend it to anyone looking for a very accessible to the reader with little background young man in a most unconventional way. short jaunt into the unexpected. knowledge of the subject of the history of the Bible. Although this may sound absurd and, potentially, Despite his academic roots, Pelikan's written style is

tiresome, Adam Green pulls it off thoroughly well - (9/10) almost never overly dry or hard to follow (although

it is always exciting when an author incorporates there are moments). How he manages to get through

the absurd with a firm yet casual hand, words/ thea whitman so many thousands of years of what in certain points The quality of writing in Satsuma Sun-mover is is reasonably dull history, without losing the attention top-notch. The different dialects among the book 's of the reader is a mystery to me. It was a fascinating

characters are written in a plausible manner that read though, from the perspective of an outsider to

enables them to flow well within the story, organised religion, and many interesting facts lurk in avoiding the unfortunate and painful experience of the text, which are excellent to drop into conversation contrived and awkward dialogue. Accompanied should you ever reach an awkward silence. In Whose by whimsical and well-incorporated illustrations Bible Is It? Pelikan is offering a new and vital insight ranging from photographs to wiggly sketches, the into the last three thousand years of history. To resort description is brilliantly done, with delicious to a somewhat depressing cliché, miss it, miss out. passages throughout the novel (which I found (6/10)

HIDDEI to praci words/ katie du= ways." plc Seer deci witlethis dust mu the carp Wits rriCi pg20/books/122/160207 up the s cement building i Ilittutiesiret aaruJau Leaz.rtawlptietonf nee lag crlrfaitr Pahriaary 1 A. 2007 13 :ra

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IN A WEEK REMEMBERED FOR 115N1, CO2 AND 07916339832 (CALL EPAGE ANYTIME), WHY NOT TAKE A RELAXING BREAK FROM ALL THAT DISSERTATION NUMBER CRUNCHING AND DELVE IN TO EPAGE'S GUIDE TO THE WEIRD SEX WORLD OF THE WORLD WIDE WEB.

he internet began as a scary. unregulated tampons'. For once. Epage is well and truly 'boldy goes where no porn site has gone before'. place where you could, amongst other silenced and apologises for any offense. Slip your way in to find animated pictures shooting T things, look at nudey ladies. Epage blushes. http://www.theamputee.com could seem quite from various orifices. 'Alien Sex'. 'Sci-Fi In the following years, they allowed naked men the forward-looking website. Why shouldn't we Erotica',Vampires and even 3D toons for the online, then animals, then furniture. But today's have disabled porn? We have the Paralympics. The (cough) all round experience. Perhaps most pornwatcher is so de-sensitised to the world of rather damning, or hugely movative. interesting was an uninvited pop-up offering normal sex' because the range of explicit content representation of a middle-aged. disabled man, if instant access to a Cyber-Sex forum. Something available online is saturated by filthy. filthy, filthy, not baffling, does lay question to how such a about a slightly rotund model in Spandex just material.Velour, thinks Epage? 'fetish' was dicovered. "Pedro', as he is called, lost doesn't boot Epage's hard drive - perhaps a shut Here we find http://www.menstrual-cycle,coma his left leg in an accident and is now the world's down is in order . 0100111 011100100110101001. particularly crude web site which wallows in the first amputee porn star. Epage avoids controversy. Welcome to Microsoft Windows Vista - Error - delights of vaginal bodily functions. 'Bloody P*ssy One great big tick for disabled rights? Probably connect 110101. Pies' are upstaged only by 'Yeast Infected C**ts'. not. Epage doubts that the exploitation of a Epage was wondering what type of person would missing limb is such a winner with modern words/ tim sevenths be aroused by such goings-on, then realised, by liberals,thinking instead, that this is no more than [email protected] clicking the 'enter' button, the same people, it a degrading nail in a politically correct coffin. would seem, that enjoy 'dirty pads' and 'used Third site to tickle your inflamed, pulsating taste-buds is http://www.sex-fi.com, a site which Got a better idea than Epage?

Ideas and writers always needed email [email protected]

• • TELEVISION Talk a Bad Game ponge cake iced with turd. A living scared to ever state anything with personality to boot. The level of boredom room with original floorboards authority. He'll say something like "Ooh 1 he emits makes me want to cry. The sovered in a rug knitted from think that might be a goal" when the net hypocrisy he comes out with is second-hand toilet roll. Sandals over has bulged, the players are celebrating astonishing. He'll make a comment such socks. All things that would be great if not and the scoreboard has changed or "That as "That lad should get a big ban for an garnished with utter shit, Basically, you looks like he's been sent off 'when the red elbow like that" obviously forgetting the simply wouldn't do it. This however is the card has clearly been shown, the player time he told the fuckwits at the FA he tactic the BBC is persistently employing has had his early bath and is apologising wouldn't play for England if he recieved a by allowing the voices of absolute morons for assaulting the opposition player in a retrospective ban for kicking Neil Lennon to be aired in alignment with our beautiful post-match conference. Grow some balls in the face as he lay on the floor game. Football Fbcus and Match of the Day for fuck's sake! When Motson teams up fbotbali fbcus gives us anchors with no Like not only use commentators reliant on with part-time stand-up Mark Lawrenson, affiliation to or passion for football at all. cliches and pathetically researched the event of the football match descends These guys are just doing the job by bus statistics, but pundits who have the into farce arid absurdity. The Scouser who numbers and couldn't care less about the linguistic capacity of a person who likes a formerly sported a comical moustache issues being discussed. The Beeb can good window lick. I realise this comment attempts to crack a gag every time he employs presenting whores such as Ray may cross over into the sporting domain speaks, always of the most tedious land. Stubbs and a guy called Maniche to cover and as such could be covered by that When Motson spoke of the "daylight" rule a variety of sports such as cricket, tennis, magnificent section over in LSI but when regarding offside, Lawrenson snooker and even darts, rather than basically I don't care. My spleen has pedantically quipped "But we're playing experts who know what they are talking remain suppressed enough in this matter. at night!". Hilarious you tosser. about. It needs a good venting. Back in the studio the pundits are Amongst the others who deserve the A it My principle target of loathing is the equally as bad. Despite Gary Linekar's sack (or at least a good kicking) is the self the oppt. great (fingers crossed soon to be late) general ability to act as a good anchor for important Garth Crooks who rambles for strongly John Motson. The amount of astonishingly Match of the Day he becomes tarnished ages before pausing as if what he's about as more I pointless and patently wrong comments as being in the same 'Old Boys' club as to say is really insightful and important (Wien I that he comes out with is ridiculous_ the two Alans, Hansen and Shearer. Both of and then stating the bleedingly obvious recommi Classics include: "Nearly all the Brazilian whom getting their jobs at the Beeb like "Owen could be missed". I realise it is 1%0%, y supporters are wearing yellow shirts - its based on football ability rather than difficult to get the balance just right a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour" and analytical ability. A cardboard box could between ex-pro and intelligent football "And Seaman, just like a falling oak, literally do a better job than Shearer. insight but Gavin Peacock shows it is manages to change direction". But he is Literally. It would not only analyse a possible. also annoying with the way he is too football match better but have more words/ laurie whitwell

Blast From The Past! King Of Comedy? The Friends Do Battle Time again to take a nostalgic look back at memorable shows from a bygone era. This week Harry Hill (owns a big collar) Captain Planet! Harry Hill's TV Burp is the funniest show on television at the moment. Captain Planet, he's a hero, gonna bring outut himself and very quickly, It manages to be hilarious without being offensive, which probably pollution down to zero! Strong words. This then why bother giving out magic rings? I makes it the only comedy show of recent times that the entire family 'Ks cartoon alerted its pre-teen viewers to remember at the end of the show when the could realistically sit down and watch together without anyone dying environmental dangers such as toxic Captain would turn up. He always seemed of boredom. Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe follows a similar format waste, deforestation and litter. The show's a little out of breath or in a rush, like he just but is very much an adult-only programme. Harry is also a hero, the man responsible for bringing carne from an important business meeting thoroughly nice guy. He let me attend his TV Burp wrap party a few pollution down to zero, was a blue skinned, and knew he was late ''Sorry I was err... years ago, despite having no idea who I was or why I was there. Al green haired man called Captain Planet. shaving and err, well traffic...Piss off look Murray was also there, and whilst he earned many man points for Planet was not alone mind, no, he had five at my muscles and my green hair, don't having a spectacularly attractive girlfriend, he cannot match Harry's skill as a comedian. He also owes his career to Harry. having been trusty human friends to help out. A global- you judge me!" Lazy. that's what he was. It's given his big break playing big brother Alan in the original Harry not like the 'Bad Guys' in the show were ly diverse group, they were entrusted with Hill Show back in 1997. There can be only one winner in this battle of Eve magical rings that gave them control particularly formidable. I mean for good- funnymen, and it's the erstwhile Dr Matthew Hall, also known as over the classical elements. There was ness sake, Duke Nukem, a man comprised Harry Hill. WIND, in charge of the wind, FIRE, in entirely of radioactive waste, would words/ phil spooner charge of fire, EARTH, in charge of earth, attempt to blend into society by adopting WATER, in charge of water. Oh, and a Hawaiian shirt. Obviously not a man to HEART, in charge of... love.You would feel be reckoned with. Al Murray (owns a pub) somewhat shafted if you ended up with Captain Planet was both informative The pub landlord persona that Al Murray has created is genius for love wouldn't you? Imagine the scene as and harrowing, although where is he now numerous reasons. He is the perfect combination of xenophobe. Planet handed out the rings for the first in the hour of our greatest need? Lazy bas- misogynist and pisshead, allowing a constant stream of hilariously un- time. "Here young lady I give you WATER! tard. PC comments to slur out of his mouth. He doesn't give a shit. The You have the ability to command the deep- Germans and the French come in for a particularly persistent kicking. est Ocean! Marvel at the unnerving tem- Murray defines himself by his gender and nationality and rails pest and unleash its limitless power! And words/ andrew edelston against everything he isn't simultaneously satirising-the absurdity of you, young black youth, I give you FIRE! racism and the massive amount of political correctness in the world Engulf your enemies with the insatiable today. In his stand-up show he always has a pint of lager in his hand torments of nature's cruellest blessing! and I'm sure he is genuinely drunk at the end. He asks people their H I ODE? And you, young man, I give you HEART... names and then instantly derides or praises them for it depending on to praci look after it ok... it's really small so you whether he can claim it to be of foreign origin or not. "Steve? Good ways." could lose it easily..." name. Good strong English name. Laurence? Comes from the Latin for When these rings were combined they 'weak one'. Not good." I have seen him throw a massive inflatable plc sec' would summon the Captain himself. Now globe into the audience as well with no thought for health or safety. decisi‘, considering that Captain Planet was called That is what comedy is all about. Massive inflatable globes. with-thi upon in every single episode, it seems that words/ laurie whitwell dust mu the whole ring concept was a bit of a the carp waste of time. If Planet could sort all these puts MO up the s CeMeM pg22/televison/162/160207 building

I cupric Ctiirleari+ iacwincillrIant nose ilk Friday. February 16. 2007 13 ra This is possibly the most weight British I/111111 (let's to declare her lave for bizarre title to a pro- call her Chubby McChub) snails and garlic during French Fat Swap: Tonight gramme I halm ever seen who adopts the diet of a this frolic before falling in my long career as a Parisian for no particluar back into gorging on chips 8:00p.m riday hard-nosed hack Having reason it seems other than and pies as soon as the briefly looked into it I've to provide a show for the cameras stop rolling. ITVI ebruary • 1. Jr. found its about a aver- title. I'm expecting Chubby Laurie VVhitwell BOIN CION ONE TWO itv 4 Shopping the five 9.15 6.00 6.00 Breakfast. (Beebres: Fimbles. 6.20 The 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle 6.10 The Hoobs 635 The Hoobs, 6.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends. Supermarkets.10.00 Homes under Story Makers. 6.40 Balamory. 7.00 Show. 10.30 This Morning. 12.00 7.00 Freshly Squeezed. 7.30 6.25 Old Bear Stories. 6.35 Bird club the Hammer 11.00 living in the Something Special. 7.15 Come This Morning: Dancing on Ice Friends. 8.00 Everybody Loves Bath. 6.45 W-S. 7.20 Miss Spider's Atrium Sun. 11.45 Car Booty. 12.15 Outside. 7.30 Boogie Beebies. 7.45 Special. 12.30 Loose Women. 1.30 Raymond. 8.30 Everybody Loves Sunny Patch Friends. 7.30 The SALSOUL Bargain Hunt. 1.00 BBC News; Jackanory Junior. 8.00 CBEIC ITV Lunchtime News, Weather. Raymond. 8.55 Frasier. 9.30 Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and sob°, tirplzo.latin Weather, 130 Regional News and Arthur_ 8.25 Mona the Vampire. RESSURMVON 2.00 Midsomer Murders, 3,00 Giving up the Weed. 10.30 Sex, His Best Friend Corky. 7,45 Make indie Weather, 1.40 Neighbours. 2.05 8.50 Newsround. 8.55 Suspect. Coronation Street Confidential. Lies and Soaps. 11.00 Fame Way for Noddy. 8.00 nfi and the Doctors. 2.35 Diagnosis Murder. 9.20 Lime McGuire. 9.45 Legend 3.30 Dancing on Ice Exclusive. Asylum. 12.00 News at Noon. Flowertots. 8.15 Peppa Pig. 8.25 Bab y Jupiter' 3.20 BBC Newv Weather; of the Dragon, 10.10 Zombie 3,55 Kavanagh QC. 5.30 Dale's All 12.30 FILM. The Raid (1954). War, Thomas & Friends. 8.35 Sailor Sid. MR GREEN'S ONION Regional News. 3.25 CBBC. Hotel. 10.35 Even Stevens. 11.00 Star Supermarket Sweep. 8.40 Roobarb and Custard Too. CLUB starring Van Heflin and Anne soul.tunic & jazz ChuckleVision. 3.40 What's New FILM. The Land before Time VII: 6.00 Calendar. Bancroft 2.00 Room for 8.50 Mio Mao. 9.00 The Wright Scotty Don? 4.00 Raven. 4.30 Stone of Cold Fire (2000). 6.30 ITV Evening News; Improvement. 2.30 A Place in the Stuff. 10.30 Trisha Goddard. 11.30 Cockpit Best of Friends. 5.00 Gina's Children's. 12.10 Dangermouse. Weather. Sun. 330 Countdown. 4.15 Deal five news. 12.00 Home and Away. THE SESSION Laughing Gear. 5.30 Newsround. 12.30 Working Lunch 1.30 Ski 7.00 Emmerdale. The police or No Deal 5.00 Richard and Judy. 12.30 BrainTeaser. 1.40 FILM. indie. electro & guitars 535 Neighbours. Sunday Special. 2.1S Perfect find the murder weapon 6.00 The Simpsons. Delve (1996). Drama, starring Creation 6.00 BBC News and Weather. Strangers. 2.45 Escape to the Belle sits her entrance exam 6.30 Hollyoaks. A stunned Jake Farrah Fawcett and Rod Steiger. UNITE 630 Look North; Weather. Country. 3.45 flog It! 4.30 Ready for public school Billy is and Nancy blame 3.40 FILM. Our House (20061. dance. retro. r'n'b 7.00 A Question of Sport. Steady Cook. 5.15 Weakest link bowled over when Dar asks themselves for recent Comedy, starring Doris Roberts and Steve Redgrave, Cohn 6.00 Safari School. him to stay. events, but the situation Judy Reyes_ 5.30 five news. Favenhom NEW BOHEMIA Montgomerie, Spanish 6.30 Masterchef Goes Large. 7.30 Coronation Street. gets worse when Jake 6.00 Home and Away. Rocco's nu-jazz wilts Spiritual tennis star Arantxa 7.00 Coming To Your Screen: There's disaster at Roy's confronts Calvin and Justin attempt to go straight is South Sanchez-Vicario and rugby DIY TV. Rolls the finger of 7.00 Channel 4 News. abruptly halted when his league legend Martin 7.30 Jimmy's Diaries, Essex- suspicion points at Becky. 7.30 The Insider: Kidneys big brother Johnny appears Fibre Offiah join Ally McCoist boy Jimmy's passion is to Fr is heartbroken as on the scene HIGH FIBRE BREAKFAST For Sale. Renal surgeon Drew Scott, Stuart Robin- and Man Dawson. help bring back the Chesney goes home. Norris Professor Nadey Hakin 6.30 Out of Practice. son with funky electro 730 Inside Out. Surprising extremely rare Essex pig. falls for Sophie's prank. discusses Britain's shortage 7.00 five news. real-life stories from 8.00 A New Year at Kew. It's 8.00 French Fat Swap: of kidney donors and 7.30 Wild Events, Jake Willers HiFi Club familiar places. the honest July on record Tonight. An overweight proposes a scheme in finds out more about the FUNKSOULNATION 70's Soul, funk with DJ's Weatherman Paul Hudson and the staff are helping British mum adopts the which the NHS would pay Chnstmas Island red crab. goes far a driving lesson on the plants to survive the lifestyle and diet of a for organs. whose perilous journey Metropolitan Uni ice, while Asha Tanna drought Parisian to discover why the 8.00 A Place in the Sim: helps ensure the STAR + ELECTRIC HEAD reveals the hugs lurking in 8.30 Gardeners' World. Joe UK has the highest obesity Home or Away. continuation of its species metal, rock & irsdie 8.00 Nick Baker's Weird your fate-night takeaway. Swift visits the inner city levels in Europe. while the Grandparents Brian and Mission 8.00 EastEnders. Denise gardens bringing people French are among the Ruth Naylor decide Creatures. Nick Baker is PURRFECT ELECTRO struggles to cope with together from all walks of slimmest. between moving closer to in the UK to seek out the news about Kevin. Tanya life and takes a journey to 8.30 A Touch of Frost. Drama family in Eastbourne. or elusive basking shark - a Northern Light series about an irascible making a fresh start in fish as !cog as a London HOUSE PIMID UN-CUT begins to get suspicious, discover how community Kissy Sellout. Oblong, and Jay pushes Yolande too gardens are created and detective inspector. Mullett France's Dordogne region. bus and heavier than most Ben Gomon and more far, run. is apprehensive when Frost 9.00 Ugty Betty. Betty is asked elephants. 8.30 After You've Gone. To 9.00 Nuclear Secrets. Series takes tea with a country to review an expensive 9.00 NCIS. When a boy informs University, Stylus exploring key turning points squire as he investigates a hotel. Sofia takes up the team that his father has FRUITY Jimmy's dismay, Siobhan pop, r'i'b, inc6e. rock and Diana bond at a pub in the race for nuclear country death. residence in Mode's been kidnapped. the team quiz. supremacy looks at the 10.30 ITV News; Weather. The conference room. soon realises that the man The Subculture 9.00 Lilies. Drama series set in world's first global nuclear latest national and 10.00 Friday Night Project. is actually a Lt Commander TRASH ALLEY 1920s Liverpool and based smuggling ring, set up by a international news, plus Tonight's guest host is working on a secret protect. glom rock 'n' roll punk national weather Including Ashley Jensen. 10.00 Law and Order: around the lives of three Pakistani scientist. Wire local news programmes. 11.05 Balls of Steel. Criminal Intent. Goren sisters. When May becomes 10.00 The Grumpy Guide to STRANGEWAYS very ill, Ruby is forced to Food and Wine. Middle- 11.00 The BRFTs Backstage. 11.50 4 Music The Album and Eames investigate an lo-fi electro 4 make a choice between aged celebrities, including Kate Thornton goes Chart Show. On the bill abusive patriarch who friends and family. Niger Slater. Jenny Eclair, backstage at this year's are Magic Numbers, Lady caused the death of his gigs BRITS to capture all the Sovereign and Bloc Party. wife and three sons. Fenton 10.00 BBC News: Regional Toby Young and Michael BUEN CHICO News; Weather. Winner, have a good excitement, nerves and 12.25 4 Music 4Music in Session: 11.00 Guys and Dolls. Documentary about the 1035 Comedy Connections. whinge about the immediate reactions from Damien Rice. 12.55 4 Music JD Fox & Newt men who use sophisticated 11,15 FILM: Platoon (1986). pretentious nonsense talked assorted winners and Set. 1.10 4 Music: 4Play. Jeremy HEADFIRST life-size dolls for sexual Oscar-winning war drama abort loud and wine. nominees. Warnuley. 1.25 50 Pounds Says ITV Play. Make Your Play You'll Watch This. 2.25 FILM: Guilty satisfaction and more 7 FliFiCKrb following a college drop- 10.30 Newsnight. 12.05 CHICH1NO such as dates, affection and out who signs up for 11.00 Newsnight Review. 4.10 60 Minute Makeover 5.00 by Suspicion (1990). Drama, starring Annette Bening and lifelong companionship. service in Vietnam in 11.35 Ski Sunday Special. ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Packhorse Robert De Niro. 415 House of 12.00 Prison Break. 1.00 Quiz DEVIL'S JUKEBOX September 1967 and finds Coverage of the World Morning News Agoraphobic& 5.15 Countdown. Call. 5.35 Wildlife SOS. himself plunged into the Championships from Are, bloody chaos of life on the Sweden. frontline, starring Tom 1220 Star Trek. 1.10 Star Trek. Berenger and Willem Dafoe. 2.00 Malcolm in the Middle. 2.20 1.15 Joins BBC News 24. Close

Children Welcome - we will organise entertainment! nt Parents & Carers Forum A chance to: .get your voice heard •find out about the new 5tudent Parent Assembly •find out what the Union 8„ the Student Parent Assembly can do for you •ineet other Student Parents

Meeting in the Conference Room @ Leeds University Union Refreshments & snacks will be avoliablc meeting, although we plan to nod !rum main divlisslonr, horn around 1 2' 30pm 12-2Pm Monday 5th March You can drop in al any MP clurinej

a a a

12

Audley Harrsion takes I could take on Audley want to see some on Michael Sprott for the Harrison, well, if he was aggression from The Big Fight Live Saturda EU heavyweight wounded. He's just too Harrison. Come on man, championship. I have no nice a guy. Boxing has no live up to your potential. 11:05pm Februar idea who Michael Sprott call for nice guys. That's is but I know damn well not true either actually. lay 1 who Harrison is. I reckon Rocky. All I'm saying is I Andrew Edelston DON ODD ONE T WO itv 11 4 f ve 6.00 Breakfast. 10.00 Saturday 6.00 CBeebies: Balamory. 6.20 6.00 GMTV 9.25 CITV: Horrid 6.00 The Cubeez 6.10 The Haas. 6.00 Sunrise. 6.55 Franklin. 7.25 Cu . Kitchen 11.30 Bill's Food. 12.00 Tweenies. 6.40 Big Cook little Henry. 9.35 CITV: Bel's Boys 9.50 6.35 The Hoobs. 7.00 Goalissimol Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends. Atrium BBC News; Weather. 12.10 Match Cook. 7.00 CBBC: The Morning Line. B.S5 14: 7.35 Peppa Pig. 7.45 Make Way SATURDAYS Roar. 7.55 CID,: Tricky Quickies 10.00 CM: 8.00 house. soul, funk, r'n'a of the Day Live. 2.30 Athletics: Arthur. 8.10 Lizzie McGuire, 8.30 Art Attack. 10.20 CITV: The Homemade. 9.25 T4: Friends, 9.55 for Noddy. 8.00 Harry and His Indoor Grand Prix, 4.30 BBC The Story of Tracy Beaker 9.00 Our Amazing Actrenalini Brothers. 4Music Presents.. the Killers. Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8.15 Byab Jupiter News; Regional News; Weather. House. 10.00 The Story of Tracy 10.30 Dickinson's Real Deal 10.30 TA: Popworld. 11.20 T4: Harry and His Bucket Full of CIR CUS 4.45 Final Score. 5.05 Match of Beaker, Time Warp Trio 11.50 14: Shipwrecked Dinosaurs. 8.30 Gerald McBoing soul, psyche. Indira. funk 10.30 11.30 Saturday Cooks Live 1.00 Friends. the Day Live. 10.50 Secret Show. 11.10 Krypto ITV News: Weather. 1.05 Calendar 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries. 12.25 Being. 9.00 Jane and the Dragon. Bondi Beach Club 7.20 When Will I Be Famous? the Superdog 11.30 The Fairly Odd News and Weather. 1.10 Planet's T4: Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of 9.30 Don't Blame the Koalas. BOOGIE NIGHTS Graham Norton introduces Parents. 11.45 Sportsround. 12.00 Funniest Animals. 1.25 American the Islands. 1.30 14: Homemade. 10.05 Hercules: Legendary makers of 'Love Train variety acts who perform in See Hear. 12.45 The Flying Idol 2.25 FILM, Hello Dolly! 2.00 Channel 4 Racing from Journeys. 11.00 Xcahbur. 11.35 12.25 Built for Creation a series of head-lo.head Gardener 1.00 Racing from Ascot (t969). Musical, starring Barbra Wincanton. Unoxeter Haydon Park The Gadget Show. UVE AT CREATION showdowns. The winners and Haydock, 2.30 FILM: Henry VIII Streisand and Walter Matthau. & Gowran Park. 4.20 Location, the Kill: Predators of the Plains. Lik( chart with tribute acts then go through to the and his Six Wives 11973). Historical. 5,05 Calendar News, Sport and Location, Location. 4.50 Deal or 12.55 FILM: Columba: Now You final for a chance to win starring Keith Michell and Donald Weather. 5.20 ITV News; Sports No Deal. 5.35 The Search. See Him (1976). Crime, stamng Evolution the weekly 10,000 pound Pleasence. 4.30 Athletics: Indoor Results: Weather 5.35 Harry Frill's 6.35 Channel 4 News, Peter Falk and Jack Cassidy 2.40 bus I LOVE S.E.X. r'n'b hip hop, karaoke prize. Grand Prix, 5.45 What the Papers N Burp. Including sport and FILM: Ladies Room {1999). Drama, B.20 The National Lottery: 1 Say 5.55 TDTP 2 6.05 Dancing on Ice. weather, starring John Malkovich and Molly can Fenton vs 100. Dermot O'Leary 6.25 Meerkat Manor. 7.20 Primeval. Whilst 7.05 Mary Seacole: The Real Parker. 4.20 FILM: Hanging Up MOSTOMPON hosts a quiz show in which 6.50 Meerkat Manor. investigating the death of a Angel of the Crimea. 12000). Drama, starring Walter reggae. 2-tone. ska. one hopeful contestant 7.15 The Culture Show. Arts London Underground Documentary about Matthau and Diane Keaton. Halo takes on 100 opponents in and culture stories of the employee, Nick and his Jamaican nurse Mary 6.10 FILM: The Magnificent a bid to win cash. Includes week, including Ben Lewis, team come face-to-face Seacole, who became a Seven Ride! (1972). The s i VOODOO anthems. r'n'b, hip hop the National Lottery draws Brett Anderson and Janet with a monster from the national heroine during the Magnificent Seven ride oft 9.05 Casualty. It's Harry's last Street-Porter on Gilbert and depths of time. Crimean War. But by the ro rescue the kidnapped HiFi Club shift and the emotion's too George, and Nick Cave 8,20 Dancing on Ice - the time of her death in 1881, wife of their leader, while THE BOOGALOO CLUB the oppt funk. jazz lotin, reggae much for him and Selena. about his Grinderman Skate Off. Two couples she had been all but also thwarting a band of strungls There's a vigilante on the 8.05 Dragons' Den. battle it out in the skate- forgotten Mexican bandits, stamng Leo as more I Highwoocl Hotel rampage who stops Harry Entrepreneurs pitch their off. No-one wants to leave 8.05 Britain's Worst Weather. Van Cater and Stefanie Powers dation I JOE PALOOKA'S from having a smooth exit, business ideas to at this stage - but Professor Nick Middleton 8.00 five news and sport. SOULVILLE 8.10 NCIS. recumm 60's soul, old skool r'n'b 9.55 When Will 1 Be Famous/ millionaires. Pitches include: someone's ioumey on the investigates the formidable power of snow, 9.05 CSENY. Crime drama 1960ri. Graham Norton introduces a home lip-casting kit; a ice is about to come to an My_Hou se the winning variety acts colourful new take on the end as the fifth star leaves experiencing the effects series. Danny and Lindsay BASICSS from the earlier show to rocking horse: and a new the show. extreme cold tan have on investigate the death of an with Secretsundaze find out who the public at kind of garden rake 8,50 PokerFace. Six more the body and looking at the 'ice queen' who was Northern Light home loved the most. The 9.05 Comedy Map of Britain. contestants try to bluff deadly threat of avalanches murdered with her sceptre. ITCHY GUTCHY two most popular face 10.05 Never Mind the their way to 50 grand and 9.05 FILM: Vera Drake (2004). Mac and Stella probe the with The Glimmers each other for 10,000 Buucocks. a place in the million Gritty drama in which a death of a marathon pounds. 10.35 The Grumpy Guide to pound final of Ant and working-class woman's life runner The Subculture 10.25 BBC News; Weather. Food and Wine. Dec's game show. Will they unravels when one of the 10.05 Law and Order. Powerful JUVENILE HALL punk. hardcore, metal BBC News; Weather, 11.05 Have I Got Old News lose their nerve at the last abortions she undertakes American drama series. An 10.45 Match of the Day. for You. Cornedy quiz moment? for troubled local girls goes Investigation into the Warehouse Highlights cf today's FA show that grills contestants 9.50 Al Murray's Happy wrong, slurring Imelda murder of a rock singer is ASYLUM & TECHNIQUE Cup fifth round games, on the week's news. with Hour. Jerry Springer Stair-eon and Phil Davis hampered by the Damian LaZOrLs, Pier with reaction from the team captains Paul Merton exchanges chat-show tips 11.25 FILM: Rita, Sue and Bob unorthodox tactics of a Bucci 8. Chew The Fat headline.makers and and Ian Hislop. Hosted by with the pub landlord. Too (1987). Riotous sex cop-turned•riter. gigs analysis in the studio. Boris Johnson with guests Emmerdale's latest addition comedy in which two bored 11.05 FILM: Frantic (1988). Cockpit Chelsea and Manchester Sara Cox and Dr Phil Linda Lusards also pops in, teenage girls escape the Suspense thriller. The wile AND YOU WILL KNOW United were both expected Hammond. and soul singer Lemar squalor of then life in of an American doctor THE TRAIL OF THE 11.35 FILM Roger Dodger Bradford when their vanishes from a Pans hotel USEA BY to progress, provides the musical 11,55 FILM: Highlander: (2003). hick comedy entertainment. babysitting job turns into a room, sending the surgeon Faversham Endgame (2000). drama in which a New York 10.50 ITV News; Weather. 'menage a trots' with a on a hectic search that GOOSE Futuristic fantasy sequel in Latham takes his naive 11.05 Big Fight Live. Am married man, ...tarter) leads into the city's criminal which two immortal young nephew on an Rosenthal, with boxing Michelle 'icicles and Slobl,an underworld. scarring Hamann Josephs Well Putnam, real! and Emmaneelle Sevier BOMBED OUT RECORDS kinsmen who can be killed educational trip round the legend Barry McGuigan at ALL DAYER only by decapitation are singles scene. but realises ringside, presents coverage 1.05 FILM: Sex Lives of the Potato 1.15 Quiz Call. 5.35 Wildlife SOS. forced to battle to the that he himself still has a front Wembley Arena as Men (1004). Comedy, starring Seta death in a tournament lot to learn, stamiv Jesse Audley Harrison takes on Johnny Vegas and Mackenzie NEW MASTERSOUNDS against others of their kind, Eisentseg and Isadella Michael Sprott for the EU Crook. 2.30 The Jamie Kennedy starting ClvisIddhai La,ravri Rdssaliati heavyweight championship. Experiment. 3.00 Wild Things, 3.45 and Adrian Fans 1.15 The Culture Show. 2.05 FILM: 12.35 IN Play: Make Your Play. London Orbital. 5.15 Countdown. 1.35 Joins BBC News 24. Red Ball Express 11952) War, 3.55 Don't Move, Improve. 4.30 8BC2 starring Jeff Chandler and Charles ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Saturday February 17, 2007 Drake. 3.30 Close Morning News. NVENTURE -7 ;CI

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-.11111111110ii POWER HOUSE a load of Germans, then perhaps Batman will. performances in this EPIC Richard Harris is Batman Returns is on at Gladiator of a film. Capital letters murdered, Crowe is 6:35pm today as well. I'm unday give more of an impact. exiled, Crowe gets sold not telling you the 9:00pm Not that this film needs it into slavery, becomes a channel, you'll have to ebruary mind. Drama from start to Gladiator...! could go on. figure that out alone. Channel 4 finish. Russell Crowe kills If this doesn't fit your bill Andrew Edeiston 18 ODD OTTE TWO itv 4 five 6.00 Breakfast, 7,50 Match of the 6.00 Ceeebies: Balamory. 6.20 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 CITY: Horrid 6.00 Grabhil the Rabbit. 6.10 The 6.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends. Day 9.00 Sunday AM. 10,00 Tweenies 6.40 Big Cook Little Henry. 9.35 (ITV: Febdor. 9.45 Hoobs. 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Trans 6.25 Old Bear Stories. 6.35 Sailor club Heaven and Earth with Gloria Cook 7.00 CBBC: Batfink. 7.10 CITY: Curious George. 955 CITY: World Sport. 7.55 Bauhaus World Sid. 6.40 Bird Bath. 6.50 Franklin Fibre Hunniford. 11.00 Countryfile. The Batman. 7.30 Smile. 10.00 Pocoyo. Jim lam and Bobsleigh Championships 2007. FEDERATION CLASSICS 10.05 CITY: 7.20 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch with Stuart Robinson 12.00 The Politics Show. 1.00 Something for the Weekend. 11.30 Sunny 10.20 CITY: Jim Jam and 855 T4: Popworld, 9.40 T4: Goal Friends. 7.30 The Adventures of Match of the Day Live. 3.15 Planet Food. 12.00 FILM: Tuesdays Sunny. 10.30 The Championship. 2:14 Movie Special. 10.15 T4: Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Hares EastEnders 5.15 Lifeline. 5.25 with Morrie (1999). Drama, starring 1130 The Sunday Edition with Hollyoaks Omnibus_ 12.45 14: Corky. 7.45 Make Way for Noddy. JIM'LL MIX IT Wildlife on One. 5.40 Songs of Jack Lemmon and Hank Azana, Andrew Rawnsley and Andrea Shipwrecked 2007 Tim Hut Cam 8.00 Harry and His Bucket Full n1 requests night Praise. 1.25 FILM- Murder on Sycamore Catherwood. 12.30 Calendar News Diaries 1.20 14: Friends 1.55 14: Dinosaurs. 8.15 Harry and His 6.15 When Love Comes to Street (1992) Drama, starring Dick and Sport. 12.35 The Crocodile Beauty and the Geek. 2.55 14: The Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 830 SHINE Town. Documentary series Van Dyke and George Hamilton. Hunter Diaries. 1.40 American Idol. DC. 3.55 T4: Ugly Betty. 4.55 Deal Gerald McBoing Wog. 9.00 Jane redefining house which follows 16 strangers 3.00 Rugby Union. 4.35 Ski 2.40 Dancing on Ice 3.55 ()miring or No Deal 5,45 Time Team. and the Dragon. 9.30 What Makes searching for love. The final Sunday. 5.20 Super League Show. on Ice - the Skate Oft 4.25 6.40 Shipwrecked 2007: Me Happy 9.45 Demolition Dad. HiFi Club THE SUNDAY JOINT round of dating, and 57- 5.50 The Search for Ireland's Giant Primeval 5.25 12 Books That Battle of the Islands. 10.00 Round the Twist 10.30 Bye lar2 &funk bands/ year-old Janet is paired Turtles. Changed the World. Desert island reality series Hospital. 11.00 Snobs. 11.35 RAD artists, resident DJs with 40.year-old John to go 6.20 Natural World. 6.25 Calendar News and in which two rival groups The Groms Tour the BMWs. 12.05 clay pigeon shooting 7.10 Meerkat Manor. Sport. are marooned on Rooted 12.35 Revelations. 1.10 Moak 6.45 Antiques Roadshow. 7.35 Meerkat Manor. 6.40 ITV News; Weather. neighbouring islands in the five news update. 1.15 Divine FLY11ME latin jar, old skool funk 7.35 BBC News; Regional 8.00 Top Gear. Motoring show 7.00 Emmerdale. Rosemary South Pacific. New arrival Designs. 1.45 FILM: Chief Crazy & soul News; Weather. with Jeremy Clarkson, beats the brothers to claim to bonds with Shark barber Horse 119551. Western, starring 8.00 Rough Diamond. Drama James May and Richard Tom's body. Belle's results Lorena Victor Mature and Suzan Ball. 3.25 Northern Light series set in the Hammond. Jeremy tries out are confirmed. Viv 7.45 Channel 4 News. FILM. All the Young Men (19601 VERY VERY VERY a Porsche 911 Turbo, and persuades Bob to cancel his Inducting sport and WRONG INDEED horseracing world of rota' War, starring Sidney Peltier anti edgy house southern Ireland. Charlie's Richard and James try to interview. Val tries to weather. Alan Ladd. 5.00 live news and prize stud is not performing build a space shuttle out of apologise to Paul. 8.00 Feral Children. In 2001, sport. 5.05 FILM: Batman of die Nu and Aidan has an a Reliant Robin. www.mv.comiemmerdale. the world was stunned by Future: Return of the Joker (2000). ELECTRO THERAPY unorthodox and risky 9.00 9111: The Conspiracy 7.30 Coronation Street. A film of a Ukrainian girl who Animation. Files. An investigation of had been brought up by The Subculture solution to the problem heartbroken Hayley tries to 6.35 FILM: Batman Returns SUNDAY CLUB 9.00 Waking the Dead. Police the growing number of make amends with Becky. dogs This film follows her (1992). The taped crusader Both night drama series based around conspiracy theories Tracy keeps David sweet. progress since then, needs help from the rubber cold cases The arrival of a surrounding the 9/11 Molly's planning a career 9.00 FILM- Gladiator (2000). suited Catwornaa when he Twifte attacks. With observations Award winning action PRAISE package containing a Nazi change but how will Kirk comes up against the funky/elect° vocal dagger sparks an from eyewitnesses, this take the news? drama. set in Roman times. Penguin, a grotesque super house with DJs investigation into the programme tries to wwwity.comrcoronationstre about a powerful general villain whose evil plans unsolved murder of a separate fact from fiction. et who is forced to become a threaten the citizens of Wire Jewish girl al 1945. 10.00 The Last 48 Hours of 8.00 Wild at Heart. Starring common gladiator when he Gotham City, swung nairnaal KUCK 10.00 88C News; Regional Kurt Cobain. Using the Stephen Tompkinson and falls out of favour with the Keaton and Michelin Pinider. hip-hop, reggae & r'n'b News; Weather. testimony of people who Amanda Holden. Family emperor's son, starnrig 9.00 FILM: Miss Congeniality gigs 10.20 Jack Dee Live at the knew him and of the harmony is disrupted as Rustle Crowe and Joaou e (2000). Farcical comedy Br udenell Social Apollo. Jack Dee presents witnesses who saw him In Sarah's mother turns up Phnom about a female FBI agent Club a series from the Apollo his last week of life, this uninvited and interferes 11,45 Live from Abbey Road. who reluctantly goes BAT FOR LASHES Theatre in London. Jack programme depicts Kurt with two celebrity guests. The best musical talent undercover as a contestant Cockpit lays into nursery schools, Cobain's final hours. Danny settles in a hippo. around filmed in on a beauty pageant in a LOST ALONE framework for kids, 11.20 Ideal. Sitcom about a 9.00 Lewis. Kevin Whately stars performance at the bid to prevent a terrorist dentists Antiques small-time dope dealer. Moz as DI Lewis. When an legendary Abbey Road group from bombing the Faverst rani Roadshow and safari may he falling for new Oxford graduate is killed, Studios in London. With event, alluring Sandra &Ulna KARIMA FRANCIS ballooning. neighbour Judith and thinks Lewis and Hathaway appearancesfrom The and DaditaM.^ Josepi Weil 11.05 FILM. The River Wild he may be being haunted launch an investigation Feeling. The Killers and 11.10 Disorderly Conduct. EVERtn (1994). Fast-paced thriller by the ghost of Craig. that implicates a senior Gnarls Barkley. Reatlife car crashes. drug about a young family 11.50 Family Guy. Animated university figure 12.55 4Musm Presents... Magic busts and high-speed whose white-water rafting comedy series about family 11.00 ITV News; Weather. Numbers. 1.20 4 Music: The *top tickets pursuits Dangerous driving lei: 08709 913913 holiday turns into a life. When Peter runs up a 11.10 The South Bank Show. Album Chart Show 150 Our causes a nine-vehicle pile web: allve.co,uk/trckels nightmare when they are tab, the only way out of Presented by Melvyn Bragg, Survey Said The Ultimate Caine up on a busy freeway And taken hostage by a pair of paying the bill Is to sell with Alan Bennett, Shirley Show Moments. 3.20 Monsters_ an unruly suspect smashes PINK GREA.SE• armed fugitives, stainng Meg. Williams arid Andrew 3.30 FILM: Fear and Loathing in up a police vehicle. Leeds University: 27th Meryl Streep and Kevin Bacon. 12.10 Family Guy. 12.35 FILM: Motion, marking the Las Vegas (1998). Drama, starring 12.10 NASCAR Nextel Cup. 3.10 Feb. 12.55 Sign Zone: Holby City Lady of Burlesque (1943). Drama. centenary of Auden's birth Johnny Depp and Benicia Del Toro. UEFA Cup Football: Bayer PARKWAY DRIVE' 1.55 Sign Zone; Can Gerry starring Barbara Stanwyck and in 1907. His poems are 5.25 Countdown. Leverkusen v Blackburn Rovers. Leeds Josephs Well: 81h Robinson Fix the NHS? 2.55 Sign Michael O'Shea. 2.05 Joins BBC read by John Woodvine. 4.40 UEFA Cup Football: Besiktas v Mar. Zone: Wanted Down Under. 3.40 News 24 3.50 Close 12.10 The Moral of the Story. Tottenham Hotspur. Joins 8BC News 24. 12.35 ITV Play Make Your Play. 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show. 5.00 ITV Nightscreen. 530 ITV Early Morning News.

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Hate is an inconvenient Handbook and give the out annoying The Bad Mother's emotion_ That is why I'd woman a chance to catchphrases she can Monda Handbook recommend that redeem herself. As actually act pretty damn well, so this new comedy Februar everyone who's ever proven by her 9:00p.m watched The Catherine appearance in Doctor drama might in fact be 1 Tate Show should watch Who over Christmas, worth a watch. ITV The Bad Mother's when Tate's not dishing Clare Pidsley ono 013121 ONE TWO itv 1I 4 five 6.00 Breakfast 9.15 Gene 6.00 CBeebies: Firribles. 6.20 The 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs. 6.00 fickle, Patch and Friends club Detectives. 10.00 Homes under Story Makers 7.00 Something Show. 10.30 This Morning. 12.30 7.00 Freshly Squeezed. 7.30 6.35 Bird Bath. 6.45 Hi-S. 7.30 Bondi Beach Club the Hammer 11.00 Living in the Special. 7.15 Numberjacks 7.30 Loose Women. 1.30 IN Lunchtime Friends. 8.00 Everybody Loves The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill MENTAL MONDAY and His Best Fnend Corky 7.45 student night Sun 11.45 Car Booty- 12.15 Boogie Beehles. 7.45 Underground News; Weather. 2.00 Midsomer Raymond. 8.30 Everybody Loves Bargain Hunt. 1.00 BBC News: Ernie. 8.00 CBBC: Wonderful Murders. 3.00 Emmerdale Raymond. 8.55 Frasier. 9.25 Will Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Fifi and Evolution Weather 1.30 Regional News and World of Weird, $50 Newsround. Confidential. 3.30 Dancing on Ice and Grace. 9.55 FILM: Kilo's the Flowenots 8.25 Thomas & MONKEY MAGIC Weather. 1.40 Neighbours, 2.05 8.55 Beat the Boss 9.20 Lizzie Exclusive. 3.55 kavanagh QC. 5.30 Delivery Service (1989). Animation, Friends. 8.35 Sailor Sid. 8.40 stage based student Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder. McGuire. 9.45 Legend of the Dale's Supermarket Sweep. 12.00 News at Noon. 12.30 FILM: Roobarb and Custard Too. 850 night, launch night 3.20 BBC News: Weather; Regional Dragon. 10.10 Zombie Hotel. 6.00 Calendar. Whirlpool (1949). Thriller, starring MM Mao. 9.00 The Wright Stuff. HiFi Club News 3.25 CBBC: Chuck leVision 10.35 Even Stevens. 11.00 Top 6.30 ITV Evening News; Gene Tierney and Jose Ferrer 2.15 10.30 Trisha Goddard. 11.30 five SWEET REVIVAL 3.40 Time Warp Trio. 4.00 Raven. Cat 11.25 The Munsters. 11.50 Weather. British Made 2.25 A Place in the news. 12.00 Horne and Away, r'n'b. hi hop & Soul will- 4.30 Best of Friends. 5.00 MI Dangermouse, 12.00 The Daily 7.00 Emmerclale. Bob is Sun. 3.30 Countdown. 4.15 Deal 12.30 Brainteaser. 1.30 FILM: Ws Be i Boko. Martin R High. 5.30 NPINSWIIMI 5.35 Politics. 12.30 Working Lunch. surprised when Eddie turns or No Deal. 5.00 Colombo: Identity Crisis 119751. & Mark Grapy Luton Richard and Judy. Neighbours_ 1.00 Animal Park. 1.30 Live FA up. Val mopes on her 6.00 The Simpsons. Crime, starring Peter Falk and Nu 6.00 BBC News and Weather. Cup Sixth Round Draw. 1.45 Hands birthday. Zak is struck by 6.30 Hollyoaks. Louise wants Patrick McGoohan. 3.35 five news HUMP 6.30 Look North; Weather. on Nature. 2.15 Perfect Strangers. how alone Rosemary Justin out of the house; update. 3.40 FILM Mary Higgins singles night 7.00 Mission Africa. 2.45 Escape to the Country, 3.45 seems. Lisa feels awkward Sonny wants to stand by Clark's Pretend You Don't See Her 7.30 My Family. Ben is Flog Itt 4.30 Ready Steady Cook. after bumping into Eddie. his mate, and Clavin is (2002). 5.30 five news Ocean Rocco RENDEIVU unhappy with his lot, but is 5.15 Weakest Link. 7.30 Coronation Street. Tracy caught in the middle. Kris Is 6.00 Home and Away. furtky house. dance. even less happy with 6.00 Nature's Calendar. panics when David has a terrified of having to tel hears the gang are going to r'n b, hip hot') & disco Susan's book-writing mouse 6.30 Masterchef Goes Large. change of heart, Steve Jessica about his break into Sally's house and guest. 7.00 Mythbusters. Jamie continues to try and make 'diagnosis' tries to prevent it by finding Queens Court 840 EastEnders. Tanya Hyneman and Adam Savage Michelle jealous Amber 7.00 Channel 4 News. them another target THE PINK POUND chart & dance music accuses Max of having an set out to verily urban oversteps the mark with 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: 6.30 Out of Practice. affair, and Denise makes a myths by using modem day Molly. Deutche Borse 7.00 five news. AA. - Tiger decision about her family's science. Is it safe to flush a 8.00 Road Price Protest: Photography Prize 7.15 The Gadget Show. ihr ,117 VODKA LSLAND future toilet on a plane, while Tonight. Record levels ol 2007. 8.00 Monster Moves. In siningl) Balearic beats, five funk, Chilled Out r'n'b 8.30 Panorama. As the Iraq sitting on itT protest have met 8.00 Dispatches: The London, 20 underground. ;IS moire war approaches its fifth 7.30 Nation on Film: Package government plans tD Supermarket That's train carriages must be dal1011 University, Mine year, army families angered Holidays. David Jason tells introduce a pay-as.you-go Eating Britain. A look at towered into a tunnel. A rc<Hamburg. 12.00 Champions League Weekly. The Supermarket That's Eating Time: Night of Combat- 3.00 Sign Zone: The Truth 11.40 FILM: Cosi 11996}. 12.30 ITV Play: Glitterball. 350 Britain. 3.10 Cutting Edge: Kick Boxing 4.20 Boxing: About Food 4.00 Sign 1.15 Joins BBC News 24. 2.00 Dial A Mum. 4.25 Dial A Mum. Gridlock. 4.10 Toulouse Lautrec Fight of the Week. 5.00 Zone: Wanted Down BBC Learning Zone: 5.00 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV The Full Story. UEFA Cup Football: Zulte Under, 4.45 Joins BBC Languages and Travel: Real Early Morning News. Waragem v Newcastle United. Lo, News 24. Chinese 1.10. 4.30 Talk Portuguese

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If you really are what you come and live with her in vegetables and shit m a eat. Gillian McKeith's diet her house. But after being Tupperware box. Not You Are What You Eat: must consist of female sniggered at smugly as really what I'd call Gillian Moves In dog meat and a dried-up they struggle to drag hospitality_ 8:00p.m prune faced cow_ In this their suitcases up the programme she invites stairs. her lodgers are Channel 4 overweight people to forced to drink Clare Pidsley TWO 4 five 6.00 Breakfast. 9.15 Gene 6.00 CBeebies: Fimbles. 6.20 The 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle 6.10 The Hoobs, 6.35 The Hoobs. 6.00 Tickle, Parch and Friends. Detectives. 10.00 Homes under Story Makers. 6.40 Balamory. 7.15 Show. 10.30 Pus Morning. 12.30 7.00 Freshly Squeezed. 730 6.25 Old Bear Stones, 6,35 Bird club the Hammer. 11.00 trying in the Numberlacks, 7.30 Boogie Beebies. Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime Friends. 8.00 Everybody Loves Bath. 6.45 Hi i5 7.20 Miss Spider's Baja Beach 11.45 Car Booty. 12.15 Underground Ernie_ News; Weather 2.00 Midsorner Raymond. 8.30 Everybody Loves Sunny Patch Erieods. 7.30 The Sun_ 7.45 8.00 THE WORM Bargain Hunt. 1.00 BBC News; CBBC: Wondelful World of Weird Murders. 3.00 Einmerdale Raymond. 8.55 Frasier 9.30 Will Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and StUcient night Weather 1.30 Regional News and 8.50 Newsround. 9.20 Lizzie Confidential. 3.30 Dancing on Ice and Grace. 10.30 Mesh. 10.35 His Best Friend Corky. 7.45 Make Weather. 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 McGuire. 1030 Zombie Hotel. Exclusivi.L 3.55 Kavanagh DC_ 5.30 FILM: The Cat Returns (2007). Way for Noddy. 8.00 Fifi and the Cockpit Doctors. 2.35 Diagnosis Murder, 10.35 Even Stevens. 11.00 Top Dale's Supermarket Sweep. 12.00 News at Noon 12,30 FILM: flowertots. 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 SLAM DUNK punk, ska, emo. punk 3.20 BBC News; Weather, Regional Cat. 11.50 Dangemmuse. 12.00 6.00 Calendar. The Captive Heart (1946), Drama, Thomas & Friends 8.35 Sailor Sid. News 3.25 CBBC: ChuckleVision, The Daily Politics 12.30 Working 6.30 ITV Evening News; starring Michael Redgrave and 8.40 Root:lath and Custard Ton Bares 3.40 Time Warp Trio. 4.00 Raven. Lunch 1.00 Animal Park. 1.45 Weather. Mervyn Johns. 2.20 Supporting 8.50 Mlo Mao 9.00 The Wright THE HUSTLE 4.30 Wait 5.00 Blue Peter. 5.25 Harris err Nature. 2.15 Perfect 7.00 Emmerdale. A mystery Acts. 2.30 A Place et the Sun 3.30 Stuff. 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 mourner arrives at Tom's Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal. five news. 12.00 Home and Away. HiFi Club Newsroom-I. 5.35 Neighbours Strangers 2.45 Escape to the DYSLEXIC DICSO 6.00 BBC News and Weather. Country, 3.45 Flog hi 4.30 Ready funeral. Viv is furious with 5.00 Ridiard and Judy 12.30 BrainTeaser. 1.40 FILM: Hair elect°, new wave, rock 6.30 Look North; Weather. Steady Cook, 5.15 Weakest Link. Bob for accepting the job 6.00 The Simpson. (20011. Adventure, starring Susan 7.00 Watchdog. 6.00 Nature's Calendar. The villagers toast Tom's 6.30 Hollyoaks, Jessica and Dey and Scott Cooper 3.40 FILM-. Mcx)k 7.30 EastEnders. Tanya's 6.30 Masterchef Goes Large. demise. Kris struggle to come to Family of Strangers (1993). Drama. MOLOTOV COCKTAIL birthday looks about to be 7.00 The Madness of Modern 7.30 UEFA Champions terms with the possibility starring Melissa Gilbert and Patty rock, funk, dance ruined Phil tries to help Families. League Live: that they ought have HIV. Duke. 5.30 live news. Nu Ben through the 7.30 Steep Clinic. Manchester United v Will is delighted by his little 6.00 Home and Away. Petet TUFTY FRUITY anniversary of Kathy's 8.00 Rick Stein's Food Lille. Action from the Stacie charade, but how long can becomes the second live funky house death. Chelsea stands up to Heroes: Another Felix-Bollaert in Lens as he keep it up? hostage at Amanda's 7.00 Channel 4 News. house, and admits that he Revolution. Cali Lane Denise_ Helping. A gastronomic Manchester United hope to VODFEST 8.00 Holby City. 'Tension tour of Britain as Rick Stein erase memories of last 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: is addicted to drugs. student cheese between Harvey and Kyle and Chalky continue their year's competition when Deutche Borse 6.30 Out of Practice. reaches boiling point. culinary quest with a visit they lost 1-0 away to the Photography Prize 7.00 five news. University; Mine to Smithfield meat market French team 2007. 7.15 Tim Marlow on... THE TUNNEL CLUB Greedy Donna comes hark indie. electro & bands down to earth with a in London 10,00 Confessions... Real life 8.00 You Are What You Eat Hogarth with Ian bump. Elliot realises what 8.30 Dr Alice Roberts: Don't stories of how estate Gillian Moves In. Diet Hislop. Ian Flislop joins Wardrobe he must do about Martha Die Young. Health agents abuse their power. doctor Gillian McKeith Five's resident art expert icrzz 9.00 Life on Mars. Drama documentary series with including a look at the invites another two Tim Marlow to view an secret code they use to get members of the public into exclusive preview of the gigs series about a detective anatomist Dr Alice Roberts Cockpit who wakes up in what In tins final episode, she you to part with your cash. her home to get them into landmark 'Hogarth' CAPDOWN seems to be 1973. A spate looks at the most complex 10.30 ITV News; Weather', shape. Gillian plays host to exhibition at Tate Crean of armed robberies lead the organ - the brawl_ 11.00 UEFA Champions Iwo overweight !pother and 8.00 Stonehenge: The True College Of Music CID unit to prison, to escort -9.00 Blair. The Inside Story. League Highlights. daughter pairings. Story. Historical PEIRONEL MALAN 9,00 Never Did Me Any documentary which looks safecracker Dickie Fingers Michael Corkerell tells the Arsenal travel to Hollarrd to JOsephS Well for interview inside story of Tony Blair's face PW Eindhoven, while Harm. Milli•SerleS in which at a startling new theory as KOLO 10.00 BBC News; Regional controversial ten years at Manchester United are in children from four families to how and why this News: Weather the top. Part One of this France to play Lille, and live as their parents did archeological enigma was Packhorse 70.35 ONE Life. Documentary three-part series covers the Celtic host AC Milan at when they were young for built ACTION BEAT about the British Toilet years up to 9/11. Celtic Park Jim Rosenthal two weeks. A latheeof -four 9.00 CR Crime Scene Assotiation, which 10.00 The Children of Helen presents the action. enforces a 1950's style Investigation. The team *top tickets campaigns for more and House, This week a tamely 12.00 iTV Play: Glitterball. 3.35 regime on his sons. investigate when two nuns tel: 08709 913/13 better public lavatories in is comforted as the son 2003... Forever. 4.35 The Jules and 10.00 Shameless. Explosions find a woman crucified in web: afive.co.uk/tickets the UK. and its annual Loo comes to the end of his life. Lulu Show, 5.00 ITV Nightscreen. across the estate spark the ratters of their church - coming soon to Leeds of the Year competition. 10.30 Newsnight. 5.30 ill/ Early Morning News. fears that Chatsworth is a arid clues implicate the 11.15 FILM: Buster (1988). The 11.20 Trust Me I'm a Healer. ter-rang target priest. story of small time crook Tony Chadwick uses strange 11.05 The Sex Inspectors. A 10.00 CSI: Miami. The team 6th Mar.: JET" Buster Edwards who joins homemade props - like a young couple hope to investigates the murder of Bth Mor.:1NSPIRAL CARPETS" the Great Train Robbers crown of thorns - and rekindle their once a teenage girl partying in 9th Mar.: DEFTONES dreaming of the good life, specialises in treating passionate sex life. Miami on her way to the 17th Mar: EROL ALICAN" only to have to flee with infertility 11.55 Friday Night Project. Bahamas with her high-- 21 st Mar.: CHK CHK Ins unhappy family to 11.50 A Seaside Parish. The Tonight's guest host is school class. CHI(' Ashley Jensen. True C5I, The last 29th Mar.: BARENAKED Mexico, starring Phil Collins school's headmaster and his 11.00 LADIES' and Julie Walters. family begin their new life 1.00 My Name Is Earl. 1.30 programme ekarnines she 9th May; MANIC STREET 12.55 Sign Zone: See Hear. 1.40 on the Isles of Scilly, but Distraction. 2.00 the War at Home case of muln•millionaire PREACHERS" Sign Zone: Seaside Rescue. 2.10 what kind of future do they 2.25 The War at Home. 2.50 Bob casino boss Ted Billion, wino 121h May: THE SUNSHINE Sign Zone: An Island Parish 2.40 face? and Margaret 3.15 Bob and was found dead in his Las UNDERGROUND" Sign Zone: Dr Alice Roberts: 12.20 Joins BBC News 24. 2.00 Margaret 3.40 The Jamie Kennedy Vegas mansion. Don't Die Young. 3.10 Sign Zone: Revise Wise at Home: KS2 Parents Experiment, 4.05 Robinson Croce: 12.00 The FBI files. 1.00 NBA Wanted Down Under. 335 Joins and Children English 4.00 The True Story. 5.05 Best of Action. 4.05 Race and Rally UK. BBC News 24. Reinsewise Challenge at Home: K52 Scrapheap Challenge_ 4.30 Motorspurt Mundial. 4.55 English. World Superdoss Grand Prix. LUU WILDERNESS MEDICAL SOCIETY imumpu We are a society that aims to explore medicine and health in p extreme environments.

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Visit our website at: www.leedswms.co.uk or Contact us at: [email protected] 5, 12 Never trust Greeks. his beloved Troy against lived. I would have pref- Extr Anyway this Wednesday, the invading Greeks. led ered Hector to win. Sorry Troy Wednesda witness the splendour by Agamemnon. Hot on if I've ruined anything. that is Troy. When Paris their heels is the ridicu- 9:00pm Februar steals Menelaus' wife all lessly talented Achilles. hell breaks loose and it is He happens to be the ITV 21 up to Hector to defend best warrior who ever Andrew Edelston MOM ONE TWO itv 4 five 6.00 Breakfast 9.15 Gene 6.00 CBeebies: Fimbles 6.20 the 6.00 GMTV, 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle 6.05 Making It. 6.10 The Hoobs 6.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends. club Detectives 10.00 Humes under Story Makers. 6.40 Balamory 7.00 Show. 10.30 This Morning. 12.30 Freshly 6.25 Old Bear Stories. 6.35 Bird Baja Beach 635 The Hoobs. 7.00 Club the Hammer 11.00 Living in the Something Special. 7.15 Loose Women. 130 ITV Lunchtime Squeezed. 7.30 Friends. 8.00 Bath, 6.45 Hi-5. 710 Miss Spider's STUDENT REVOLUTION Sun, 11.45 Car Booty. 12.t5 Numberjacks. 7.30 Boogie Beebies. News; Weather. 2.00 Midsomer Everybody Loves Raymond. 8.25 Sunny Patch Friends 7.30 The student night Bargain Hunt. 1.00 BBC News: 7.45 Underground Ernie. 8.00 Murders. 3.00 Emmerdale Everybody Loves Raymond. 8.55 Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and Weather.1.30 Regional News and CBBC: Wonderful World of Weird. Confidential. 3.30 Dancing on Ice Frasier. 9.25 Will and Grace. 955 His Best Friend Corky. 7.45 Make Coc troll 8.50 Newsround. Fill and the PANIC Weather. 1.40 Neighbours. 2.05 8.55 Beat the Eiclusive, 3.55 Kavanagh QC. 5.30 Will and Grace. 10.20 FILM: The Way for Noddy. 8.00 indle. 60s rock'n'roll Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder. Boss 9.20 Lizzie McGuire 9.45 Dale's Supermarket Sweep. Brave Little Toaster (1987). Flowertots- 8.15 Peppa Pig. 8.25 3.20 BBC News; Weather, Regional Legend of the Dragon. 10.10 6.00 Calendar. Regional news, Animation, starring ion Lovni and Thomas & Friends. 8.35 Sailor Sid. Creation News 3.25 CBBC: Chuck leVision. Zombie Hotel 10.35 Even Stevens. interviews and features. Tim Stack. 12.00 News at Noon 8.40 Roobarb and Custard Too MILKSHAKE 3.40 Tune Warp Trio. 4.00 Raven. 11.00 Top Cat. 11.30 The Daily Including local weather. 12.30 830 Mio Mao. 9.00 The Wright student night FILM: Fanny by Gaslight 4.30 Best of Friends. 5.00 Blue Politics. 1.00 Lifeline. 1.10 The 6.30 fTV Evening News; (1944). Drama, starring Phyllis Stuff. 10.30 Trisha Goddard. 11.30 Fab Caf6 Peter. 5.25 Newsround. 5.35 Flying Gardener. 1.30 Working Weather. The latest Calvert and James Mason. 2.30 A five news. 12.00 Home and Away. GO YOU BIG RED FIRE Neighbours. Lunch. 2.00 Small Town Gardens. national and international Place in the Sun. 3.30 Counritown, 12.30 BrainTeaser, 1.40 FILM: Lik( ENGINE 6.00 BBC News and Weather. 2.15 Perfect Strangers. 2.45 Escape news. 4.15 Deal or No Deal. 5.00 Race against Time 12000). Drama, art rock to hip hop 6.30 Look North; Weather. to the Country. 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 7.00 Emmerdale. The Kings are Richard and lady. starring Eric Roberts and Cas shocked to find that they bus Fudg 7,00 Holiday 2007. Ready Steady Cook. 5.15 Weakest 6.00 The Simpsons. Anvar. 3.40 FILM: Colombo: Sex SYNTHIA 7.30 Real Story with Fiona Link. have a sister. Debbie is 6.30 Hollyoaks. and the Married Detective (1989). electro disco. d'ri'b Bruce. With pressure era 6.00 Nature's Calendar. furious to discover that her 7.00 Channel 4 News. Crime. starring Peter Falk and can the Department for 6.30 Masterchet Goes Large. first taxi booking rs a hoax 7.55 3 Minute Wonder. Lindsay Crouse 5.30 five news. HIM Club Transport to make its test 7.00 Top Gear. Motoring show Terry spends time with Ti. Deutche Borse 6.00 Home and Away. MOVEONUP Motown. funk, 60's beat tougher for teenagers, with Jeremy Clarkson, James www,itv.comiemmerdale. Photography Prize 6.30 Out of Practice. three 18-year-olds, who May and Richard HamrnoncL 7.30 Coronation Street. Ken 2007. Profiles of 7.00 five news. ti Mission passed first time are put Jeremy tries out a Porsche and Deirdre risk their home photographers shortlisted 7.15 Great Ocean MISSIONARY to save Tracy's bacon. Adventures:The White It through its own advanced 911 Turbo, arid Richard and for the prestigious prize. house. dance. d'ri'b mad exam lames try to build a space Hayley desperately tries to Walid Raad's Atlas Group Whale. Underwater 8.00 Seaside Rescue. shuttle out of a Reliant win back Becky's trust. project combines fictitious adventure series with the oppo Mock MIND THE GAP Documentary series Robin. David is excited by the and authentic documents to daredevil explorer Monty strongly electro. pop, punk-funk following the work of 8,00 Dragons' Den. promise of passion trace the modern history of Halls, In this programme, as more maritime rescue services. 9.00 Party Animals. www.ibicom/cotonationstr e Lebanon. Monty is in the cold waters WalkabOUt ul Canada on the trail of dation I STUDENT NIGHT When red flares are spotted 9.50 Don't Watch That Watch et. 8.00 Relocation. Relocation. recommi with OJ Andy Oliver off Weymouth, there's no Thist Satirical pastiche 8.00 The Bill. A child's body is 9.00 Jamie's Chef. the white - or beluga 1960s, y, time to lose for the lifeboat using fake footage. Did found on an allotment and 10.00 Desperate Housewives. whale. gigs crew and the coastguard. George Bush really say it turns out to be the baby Black comedy drama set in 8.00 Child in a Million. Series City Varieties 9.00 New Street Law. Drama Donald Runisteld was a of a friend of the Tennant suburban America. Gabrielle of documentaries exploring FA ORT CONVENTION series about two rival menace, and does Patricia family. Emma and Diane is persuaded to help coach rare medical conditions and kpit barristers' chambers in Hewitt normally admit Tony discover a flock of sheep in local beauty pageant pioneering treatments at PATRICK WOLF Manchester. Jack is granted Blair is having a baby? an abandoned van. contestants, but the girls' Great Ormond Street bail following his arrest for 10.00 Never Mind the 9.00 FILM: Troy (2004). When mothers are less than Hospital. This episode Faversham Buttcocks. Comedy pop Trojan prince Paris woos impressed. textures Molly and Tahlia. UNION OF KNIVES perverting the cause of justice and is determined to quiz with host Simon Helen, Queen of Sparta, 11.05 The Sex Inspectors. 9.00 FILM: Message in a Jose phs W ell fight his case. Amstell and team captains away from her husband Three-part series offers Bottle (1999). Romantic THE WASP FACTORY 10.00 BBC News; Regional Bill Bailey and Phill Jupitus. Menelaus, the legendary advice to couples who are drama about a divorcee News; Weather. The guests are Romeo, warrior Achilles leads the having problems in the whose life is radically *top tickets 10.35 The National Lottery Midge Ure, Nicholas Hoult armies of Greece against bedroom. Olivia and Simon changed when she finds a ml; 08709 913913 Draws. and Russell Howard. the city fortress of Troy, have a baby daughter. but message in a bottle. written web; alive.co.ukitickets 10.40 The 34 Stone Teenager, 10.30 Newsnight. Emily Mantis scarring Elma Pitt and Enc their relationship has by a widower to his late Documentary about introduces comprehensive Bane reached a sexual stalemate wife. stamp Robin Wright NECROPHAGIST• Bethany Walton, who at 34 coverage of the day's 10.30 IN News; Weather. The 11.55 Goalissimot Weekly Penn and Kevin Costner 3rd Mar. Josephs Well stone is Britain's heaviest important national and latest national and round-up of all the best 11.30 Arrest and Trial. Series LOGISTICS• teen. In an attempt to save international news stories international news, plus football action from around examining how US police 10th Mar. is Leeds her life and restore her 11.20 My Family and Autism. national weather. Including the world. have solved particularly Warehouse body image, she undergoes Luke tells the story of his local news programmes 12.55 Bauhaus World Bobsleigh complex crimes. surgery. family: of his six siblings, his 11.00 FILM: Troy Action Championships 2007. 1.55 KOTV. 12.00 PartyPokercom European BLEEP BLEEP TOUR* potentially fatal 1 I th Mar. 4' Cockpit 11.40 FILM. The One and Only three brothers are also Conclusion of the 2.25 Trans World Sport 3.20 Red Open III. 1.30 NHL Ice Hockey. 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Great script. That's what some, and the cool kind about. Oh you see Kevin this film is all about. And at that! Two women and Bacon's cock as well. Wild Things sound, the sound editing one man. Not lust any Something for everyone hursday is spot on. However, there women mind. Denise then. 1 0:3 Opm is also one other feature Richards and Neve of the film that is worth a Campbell. I don't actually Channel 4 ebruary brief mention; a three- even know what this film's Andrew Edelston 2

OTTE TWO itv 4 five Gene 6.00 Breakfast 9.15 6.00 Cl3eebies: timbres. 6.20 The 6.00 GM IV. 9.25 the Jeremy Kyle 6.10 The Honhs 6.35 The Hoobs. 6.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends. 0eieclives 10.00 Homes under Story Makers. 6,40 Bateman,, 7.00 Show. 10.30 This Morning. 12.30 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 6.25 Old Bear Stories. 6.35 Bird C the Hammer. 11.00 Living in the Something Special. 7.15 Loose Women. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime Fibre Friends. 8.00 Everybody Loves Bath. 6.45 Hi-5. 7.20 Miss house & retro with Mark Sun 11.45 Car Booty. 12.15 Numberjacks. 7.30 Boogie Beebies News; Weather, 2.00 Midsomer Raymond. 8.30 Everybody loves Sunny Patch Friends. 7.30 The B & Tom Ferguson Bargain Hunt. 1.00 BBC News. 7.45 Underground Ernie. 8.00 Murders. 3.00 Emmerdale Raymond. 8.55 Frasier 9.25 Will Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and Weather. 1.30 Regional News and CBBC: Wonderful World of Weird. Confidential. 3.30 Dancing on Ice and Grace. 9.55 Will and Grace. His Best Friend Corky. 7.45 Make Flares Weather. 1.40 Neighbours, 2.05 8.50 Newsround. 8.55 Beat the Exclusive. 3,55 Kavanagh QC, 5,30 10.20 FILM: My Neighbour Toloro Way for Noddy. 8.00 FM and the COPACAB AN A 2.35 Diagnosis Murder. Boss. 9.20 Lizzie McGuire. Dale's Supermarket Sweep. Doctors. 9.45 ft MTh Animation, 12.00 News at Flowertots 8,15 Peppa Pig 8,25 Halo 3.20 BBC News Weather, Regional Legend of the Dragon. 10.10 6.00 Calendar. Noon; 12.30 FILM:The Left Hand Thomas & Friends. 8.40 Fitch. 8.50 ROCKSTAR News. 3.25 CBBC: Chuckle Vision. Zombie Hotel. 10.35 Even Stevens. 6.30 ITV Evening News; of God (19551. Drama, starring Mio Mao. 9.00 The Wright Stuff. indle with di Chris Martin 3.40 Time Warp Trio. 4.00 Raven. 11.00 Top Cat. 11.25 The Weather. Humphrey Bogart and Gene 10.30 Trisha Goddard. 11.30 five 4.30 SMart 5.00 Blue Peter. 5,25 Monsters 11.50 Dangermouse. 7.00 Emmerdale. HIF Club Tierney 2.05 Proud Parents. 2.15 news. 12.00 Horne and Away. THE HARLEM BUSH CLUB Newsround 5.35 Neighbours. 12.00 The Daily Politics 12.30 7.30 The Way We Were. Proud Parents: Paul Rankin 2.30 A 12.30 BrainTeaser. 1.35 FILM. The Rye jazz, funk. soul 8. hip- 6.00 HOC News and Weather. Working Lunch. 1.00 Animal Park Nostalgic series using Place in the Sun 3.30 Countdown Petticoat Affair 119771. Comedy, hop with Mike Welwyn 6.30 Look North: Weather. 1.45 Hands on Nature. 2.15 Perfect archive film and real life 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 starring Richard Gilliland and Jim 7,00 Street Doctor, Strangers. 2.45 Escape to the experiences to illustrate Varney. 3.35 five news update. Mission Richard and Judy. HOMO 7.30 EastEnders. Max thinks Country. 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready how Me has changed over 6.00 The Simpsons. 3,40 FILM: First Target (2000). dance tunes he's back in control, but Steady Cook. 5.15 Weakest Unk. the past 100 years 6.30 Hollyoaks. Thriller. starring Daryl Hannah and Stacey has a confession to 6.00 Nature's Calendar. 8.00 The Bill. Neil arid Sam pull 7.00 Channel 4 News, Doug Savant 5.30 five news. Queens Court make. Pat helps out an 6.30 Masterchef Goes Large. out all the stops in order to 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: 6.00 Home and Away. Jack THE PINK POUND ungrateful Bert, and 7.00 Dr Alice Roberts: Don't catch Shelley Fitzgerald - Deutche Borne wallows in self-pity. Beth is chart & dance music Preeti's attempts to impress Die Young. Health the woman seen with Amy Photography Prize concerned about Matilda Sports Cote Mickey don't go according documentary series with on the CCTV. The net 2007. Profiles of and Ric's relationship. Jack SOUL NIGHT to plan. anatomist Dr Alice Roberts tightens as the team make photographers shortlisted makes a new friend. 60's errb, northern soul. 8.00 Waterloo Road. Drama In this final episode, she their way to the Sussex for the prestigious prize. 6.30 Out of Practice. US reggae & sko series set in a failing looks at the most complex coast. Fiona Tan's installation Vox sitcom about a family of The Subculture comprehensive school organ - the brain 9.00 Bonkers. Starring Liza Popull uses publicly doctors, Oliver wants to GiGANHC Tom's career and 7.30 Rick Stein's Food Tarbuck and Mark Addy. donated photographs to dump a girl. but feels bad electro. rock relationship hang in the Heroes: Another Angry and hurt by Tony's capture the lives of because she is Ben's friend infidelity. Helen invites Norwegian families. Stewart and Lydia pretend Warehouse balance as Kim and Andrew Helping. A gastronomic TEQUILA work together to find the tour of Britain as Rick Stein Jeremy to dinner Imelda 8.00 10 Years Younger, Reality to still be married. student night truth behind Stacy's and Chalky continue their sets up a date. and Marcus makeover show. A self. 7.00 five news. National and allegations. culinary quest. Rick fishes has a surprising encounter confessed skin product international news with Wire in the office. virgin. 39-year-old biker John Suchet. FUZZY LOGIC 9.00 Hotel Babylon. Drama for sardines off Newlyn Bay guitars with DJ Debstar series set In a luxury five and visits the Abergavenny 10.00 Benidorm. Starring Johnny chick Louise Chambers has 7.15 UEFA Cup Football: star hotel. A Premiership Food Festival. Vegas Madge unwittingly had her age polled at SO by Newcastle United v gigs football team visit Hotel 8.00 Did They Pay Off Their gives Donald and Jacqueline 100 motorbike enthusiasts. Zulte Waregem. Live City Varieties Babylon and their vile Mortgage in Two Years? the impression that she's a 9.00 Once Upon a Time in European football action ati THE FRAMES behaviour toward the hotel 9.00 Fear, Stress and Anger. swinger. Troy gets drunk Iran. Documentary from Newcastle welcome Zulte and flirts with Mateo. The Irish Centre staff tips Tony over the Ffif i-PLI to work from home, BAFTA award-winning Waregem to St James's WHOLE LOTTA LED Oracle tries to impress Telle. director Kevin Sim that Park for the second leg of ed9Q- all Martin Chadwick's angst 10.00 BBC News; Regional and frustration comes out in 10.30 ITV News; Weather. The examines how a murder the first UEFA Cup Josephs Well latest national and PB B AND News; Weather. BBC one day when his working committed nearly 1400 knockout phase. international news, plus News; Regional News; wife. Julie gives firm a list of years ago in Iran still 10.00 FILM: Sniper (1993). An national weather. Including ^ackhorse Weather. domestic chores to do. resonates with today's army sergeant and an A.P.A.T.T local news programmes 10.35 Question Time. Topical 9.30 Dead Ringers. Middle East. Olympic marksman become 11.00 Soccer Night Andy debate from Edinburgh, 10.00 The Graham Norton 10.30 FILM Wild Things (1998). allies in the hunt for a Townsend, Peter Beagrie p chaired by David Dimbleby. Show. Thriller. A high-school Panamanian drugs baron "`to tickets and special guests discuss counsellor Is suspended fbI: 08709 413413 11.35 This Week. A political 10.30 Newsnight. when they are despatched the region's football. web: olive.co.uicitickets review of the week 11.20 B8C Four on BBC Two: after being accused of rape. to track arid kill their target preview the weekend's hideout, presented by Andrew Neil Time Shift: Planet Ping Claim and counterclaim deep in his jungle KEANP fixtures arid look at the follow, revealing secrets warring Tam Be,enger and 13111y Newcastle Metro Radio and his resident helpers Pong. The story of table progress of local clubs. that inspire a multitude of Zane Arena: 6th Mar. Michael Portillo and Diane tennis and how it became 11.30 Last Orders. Pub regulars plot twists sianirie mei Dillon 12.00 John Barnes' Football Night. Abbott. the most popular sport in THE RAKES• discuss she latest events on 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama. Asia. Contributors Include and Keen Seem .000Quiz Calf. 4.00 Dutch Manchester Ritz 25th the political landscape. Mar. 12.55 Sign Zone: When Love Bntain's only world 12.35 FILM, Safe (1995). Drama. 10thaFootball. 5.10 Football Argentina 12.00 Iry Play: Make Your Play. starring Julianne Moore and Highlights Comes to Town 1.25 Sign Zone: champion Johnny Leach. 4.10 Make Me Perfect. 5.00 IN Xander Berkeley. 2.45 Cutting ARCTIC MONKEYS* Mission Africa. 1.55 Sign Zone: 12.20 Journeys to the Bottom of Manchester OTCC- 28th Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Edge. Cult Killer. 3.45 First Person. The Children of Helen House 2.25 the Sea 1.20 Joins BBC News 24 Morning News 4.10 Mississippi Burning. The End Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under. 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Game. 5.10 Countdown 555 3.10 loins BBC News 24. 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a 1•1 12 OBSERVATIONS

Stevie Edmunds Hind Hassan Mariam Al Jaajaa

t's funny how a smell can ou're sat there admiring hail from a country where, trigger memories and the features of a fine during the peak of sum- evoke old feelings. The yyoung man, not too dis- I mer, the temperature L smell of Granny's cooking similar from Mr Darcy, looking rises to approximately 40 makes you feel like you are into his eyes, lost in a world of degrees Celsius. A country five again, while the smell of masculinity, his personal where, as soon as it hits freshly-cut grass takes you smell igniting a passion within March, the barbeques are out Like back to the carefree days of you. Then he lets something and the shades are dusted off. your youth, playing in the park on hot summer out that will never let you look at him the same The summer gets so hot people can often be bus days for hours on end. way again. An action so polluting that he regress- found grilling their kebabs on car roofs.Yet, I can It's also true that as you get older, it's the little es from the sculpture of honour you believe him to fortunately say, I have never had the urge to walk can things in life which you really appreciate, a kind be and turns to nothing more than a juvenile. He round my local park in nothing more than a piece act from a stranger or a thoughtful gesture from a farts. of dental floss covering my buttocks and a hand- housemate. In a recent discussion with friends What is it with the majority of the male popula- kerchief around my chest. about what 'makes a man', I realised I'd found an tion that believes it to be completely normal to I simply do not understand this obsession, one item which fits into both of those categories. excrete such unpleasant gases from one's arse? that appears to be ubiquitous in Leeds, with strip- In my opinion there is nothing better than the This animalistic behaviour has baffled a legion of ping naked as soon as soon as the ice begins to I was out on the town 1I smell of a woman to take you back to happy or women - and the odd normal male, for many a thaw. Just the other day, the type memorable times, though I'm not talking about century and has provoked some of the most infa- when lo and behold, in the great winter chill, I was strongly her choice of perfume or her lack of bodily mous studies known to man, or if it hasn't, it greeted by a dimple-arsed female in nothing less hygiene. What I'm talking about is familiar to most should. than a pair of white knickers. No tights, no leg- MS more t dation I men as the sign of an eventful, exciting or just Call me old fashioned, but what has happened gings, just a ridiculous excuse for hotpants. And to tin:omen plain funny incident, the musty scent of girl on to etiquette? A world in which women aspire to be top it off, her upper modesty was covered with a le60s, y< your hands. Jade Goody and the bottom burp appears to be a piece of material hanging on for dear life. I can remember sitting on public transport on growing pastime to many females now too, is one Furthermore, am I the only one to feel slightly the way home from a girlfriend's house years ago, which is truly turned upside down. Now, I under- nauseous at the sight of adolescent males walking absent mindedly staring out the window, only to stand that occasionally a gas bomb cannot be around Hyde Park with just a pair of Umbro shorts catch the whiff of my slightly fishy finger as I helped, but situations when you are sat in the and a cap? Get a shirt on, I don't want to see your scratched my chin. Memories and thoughts vicinity of an individual when he or she lets a nipples. regarding the previous night's (and that morn- methane hurricane rip - and then sighs afterwards Don't get me wrong, I'm not moaning about ing's) behaviour instantly flooded back and I felt are another story! What the hell? l don't think it mini skirts or a nice little top. But when the tem- an overwhelming feeling of smugness come over would be outlandish to call for some sort of legis- perature outside is still cold enough to make you me. I must have been grinning from ear to ear. lation to be enforced so as to prevent such psy- blow shapes in the form of Noah's ark when much to the confusion of the young professionals chologically disturbing events from occurring. I breathing, then vanity should be put aside and a surrounding me. They had no idea what I had mean, if you can get fined for dropping litter and little modesty bestowed. been up to, but I had a tangible invisible reminder an ASBO for singing in your bath tub, surely you The thing that appears to be lacking is common to amuse myself with on the way home (though not can be tried for public disorder for such a heinous sense. I have never understood why girls I see like that, you dirty beggars). I found myself won- act as failing. meandering around university wear big scarfs dering, what if someone else smelt it? Would they My dad once told me of a story, when, during around their necks, large gloves, a polo neck say anything? Perhaps a cheeky wink or a know- the middle of a meeting with his professor and jumper, a cute little hat, Uggs and then no bloody ing nod at my possession of mingefinger? I know dean of his genetics department at university, he trousers! Why the hell would you dress up half I'd give someone the thumbs up (no pun intended) (the professor not my dad) let out a little bum naked and half like an Eskimo unless you wanted for their fingerbang activities if I had the opportu- noise, looked completely unabashed, chuckled a to declare to the world what an indecisive and nity. little to himself, then continued to discuss the gen- unhinged character you are? When was really young I saw a scary German tical benefits of cross maze breeding. I'm sorry, Then there's the complete opposite - when man on the train with shockingly bad homemade but there's absolutely no excuse: in all my years I people over-exaggerate their wardrobe because have never found myself in a situation where I of the cold climate, a common occurrence have had no choice but to fluctuate to front of my amongst men. These people who get a little over- I know I'd give someone the own fish let alone humans lucky enough to posses sensitive about the British weather are the ones a heartbeat. you never see anywhere without a large puffa thumbs up (no pun intended) Once again I am not so irrational that I cannot jacket, one that should have been left in the eight- for their fingerbang activi- sympathise with one 'pumping' whilst walking ies with Jazzy Jeff and MC Hammer, and 25 layers with friends in the autumn breeze in the hope that of jumpers, sniffling at any opportunity and always ties if I had the opportunity a gust of seasonal wind will disguise or aid in the moaning about the weather. You know the type: it's gas' migration, but please, I do not need to put up not a very attractive trait. What happened to a bit with stink bombs when sat in a room. If you hap- of common sense and middle ground? What is it tattoos all over him. The one that sticks in my mind pen to be one of these culprits, you deserve a with human nature that insists everyone takes one to this very day, located on his forearm, read "I punishment no less than death. Get help, change extreme or the other? LOVE THE SMELL WOMAN" (sic.). I thought this your diet, eat less beans or cabbages. I don't The main problem in my eyes. that is stifling strange at the time, but as 1 have become older, know, just stop contributing to global warming; it's any progression in this matter, is the British have found myself agreeing with this frightening not big and it's not clever. democracy system, All these rights and freedom character. Maybe this is why Al Pacino is so World peace won't be attainable until this mon- to say and dress how you like as long as it doesn't sprightly in Scent of a Woman (HooHahl), as umenatal problem is addressed. We need to start infringe on the rights of others is nothing more although he is blind he can still get his sniff on? looking from the bottom up. We need to race than a load of unnecessary malarkey. I say make it The important lesson here is two things, a) ahead and not get dogged down behind by such law. People should only dress in accordance to a smell is highly underrated and b) if you get a case cheeky actions. A revolution is needed. Let the code, set out by select group of people, detailing of mingefinger, enjoy it. fight for clean air commence. Amen. which uniform is suitable for a particular time cf year. You know it makes sense. HIDDEN to street ways." plc seen decisi VC with-the Stevie Edmunds cs not tits stcko's real name. HIS identity must Hind is a final year Medicinal Chemistry student Mar tam AI Jaajaa is an International Developtnen. finalist dust mu:. be protected to save him from angry mobs the ciup puts MOI pg30fobservationsils2/160207 up the st cement building. Cesk.iiru 7nn7

CINEMA 42) Tue 11:30 VUE • Kirkstall vim Rend The Light Arthur and The Invisibles (U) Charlotte's Web (IT) (lh 36) (111 32) Fri/Sat/Sun 10:50, 13:10, 15:40. Fri/Sat 11:00, 13:20, 15:50, 18:10 16-10 Daily 13:20, 15:50, 18:10 MoW'rue 13:10, 15:40, 18:10 Blood Diamond (15) (2h 23) Music and Lyrics (PG) (lh 4-4) Fri/Sat 16:20, 19:30, 22:50 Fri/ Sat/Sun 12:10. 14:45. 17:15, Sun 16:20, 19:30 20:00 Fri/Sat Late 22:30 Daily 13:10, 16:20, 19:30 Mon/rite 14:45, 17:15, 20:00 I Charlotte's Web (U) (lh 37) Hannibal Rising (18) (211) Fri/ Fri/Sat/Sun 11:30, 14:00, 16:30, Sat/Sun 10:15, 12:50, 15:50, 18:40, 19:00 21120Fri/ Sat Late 00:00 Daily 14:00, 16:30, 19:00 Mon/ Tue 12:50, 15:50, 18:40, Try Something New awareness of your own body and on how to exercise Drearngirls (12A) (2h 10) relieve the effects of stress. properly. 21:20 Fri/Sat 11:50, 14:50, 17:40, 20:30. 17th Epic Movie (12A) (lh 25) Fri/ 23:30 Comedy Night Meet inside 21st Sat/Sun 10:30, 12:45, 14:55, 17:10, Sun 11:50, 14:50, 17:40, 20:30 Union Foyer, 6pm, £5 Highlights 19:30,21:40, Fri/ Sat Late 23:55 Modern Greek Language Daily 14:50. 17:40, 20:30 LUU Comedy Society will be Taster Meeting Room 8, 5pm- Mon/ Tue 12:45, 14:55, 17:10, Epic Movie (12A) (Di 25) taking a trip to the well- 6.30pm, £1 20th-24th 19:30,21:40 Fri/Sat 10:00, 12:10, 14:30, 16:40, renowned HiFi Comedy night. Goan 2 (12A) (lh 25) Fri/ 18:50, 21:15, 23:40 Learn the basics of this Dance Expose presents... Sat/Sun 10:10, 17:05, 19:40 Fri/ You'll enjoy a fantastic fascinating language in this Aurora Borealis V...IVIake Sun 10:00, 12:10. 14:30, 16:40, atmosphere and the tickets are Sat Late 22:40 18:50, 21:15 beginner's taster. Room, Riley Smith Hall,7.30pm Mon/Tue 17:05, 19:40 half-price! Tickets must be NUS £4.50 in advance/£5 on door, Daily 14:30, 16:40, 18:50, 21:15 bought from the ARC Arthur and the Invisibles (U) Hannibal Rising (15) (2h 1 nun) reception in Indian Head Massage Meeting without NUS £7 (lh 33) Fri/ Sat/ Sun 09:55, 12:00, Fri/Sat 12:30, 15:10, 17:50.20:45, advance. Room 2. £3 Dance Expose's annual 14:35 23:50 This massage is carried out extravaganza. Upbeat, lively and Mon/Tue 14:35 Sun 12:30, 15:10. 17:50. 20:45 18th wearing clothing in a seated entertauung - the creation of Hot Fuzz (15) (2h) Fri) Sat/Sun Daily 15:10, 17:50, 20:45 Salsa & Flamenco Night Mine, position. The shoulders, neck, some of Leeds tJni's most 09:50, 11:30, 12:30, 14:30, 15:30, Hot Fuzz (15) (2h) 8pm-12.30, £5 scalp and face are all worked to talented dancers. Tickets 17:30, 18:30, 20:30, 21:30 Fri/ Sat Fri/Sat 12:00, 15:00, 18:00, 21:00, Come along for a night of Salsa & release tension in the body. This available: 16th Feb: Info Point and Late 23:30 00:00 Flamenco fun! 2 hours of dance treatment helps with headache then from 191h-24th: Box Office. Mon/Tue 12:30, 14:30, 15:30, Sun 12:00, 15:00, 18:00, 21:00 tuition in a variety of Spanish and reduction, stiffness and eyestrain 17:30, 18:30.20:30.21:30 Daily 15:00, 18:00, 21:00 Latin American styles including and is the perfect massage to 21st Blood Diamond (15) (2h 33) Music and Lyrics (PG) (lh 54) Salsa, Merengue and many learn for both beginners and LS:TV Broadcast Terrace Bar, Fri/Sat/ Sun 11:20, 14:40, 17:45. Fri/Sat 09:50, 12:20, 14:40, 17:20, others. Buffet of Spanish and Latin experts. 2pm 20:50 20:00.22:40 American foods included! The Mon/ Tue 14:40, 17:45, 20:50 Weekly broadcast from one of Sun 09:50, 12:20, 14:40, 17:20, night will finish off with a DJ set of Chinese New Year Singing LUU's other media outlets. Sit Notes on a Scandal (15) (lh 31) 20:00 many popular Latino style tunes. Fri/ SaVSun 10:40, 13:00, 15:25, Contest Mine, 8pm- I 1pm, down, have a drink and see what Daily 14:40, 17:20, 20:00 Singers Free/Members CZ/Non- entertainment they have to offer. 17:50,20:20 Fri/ Sat Late 22:50 Notes on a Scandal (15) (lh 31) 19th Mon/ Tue 13:00, 15:25, 17:50, Fri/Sat 11:40, 17:10, 19:45, 22:30 members £4 20:20 Roman Cooking Meeting Room Come for an evening of Pop Idol 23rd Sun 11:40, 17:10. 19:45 3, 5pm-7pm, £3.50 Happy Feet (U) (lh 49) Fri/ Sat/ Daily 17:10, 19:45 Style fun - Chinese Society style! Cabaret Heaven: SHAKEN AND Sun 09:40 Come along to a Roman cooking There'll be 2 rounds of STIRRED SPECIAL! Doors 8pm, The Pursuit of Happyness (12A) session to have a go at recreating Dreanagirls (12) (2h 10) 1st the- (lh 57) competition and a prize for 1st, show 9pm, £8.50 (£6) ater Fri/ Sat 12:15, 15:10, 18:00, a Roman feast and indulge in the Brudenell Social Club,"Cocktails Fri/Sat 14:20, 21:30 2nd and 3rd place. 21:00,23:45 Sun 21:30 products. All kinds of food and for Two" awesome and stylish Sun 12:15, 18:00, 21:00 Mon Daily 14:20, 21:30 drink available and you can even magic-circus-dance comedy 15:10, 18:00.21:00 Tue 15:10 The Queen (12A) (lh 39) dress up in togas if you like! 22nd show. Jive Bomb Jump blues and and theatre Subtitled: Sun 15:10 Fri/Sat/Sun 10:10 Sci-fi & Fantasy ARC Cord. Hall, crazy swing from the 9-piece Tue 21:00 Daily 12:50 STAR: Journey to Safety Meet 6pm-9pm, Free Cabaret Cocktail Band, The Pursuit of Happyness (12) ARC Reception. 7.30pm-9.30pm, Lots to choose from here -giving Entertairnent will include Trevor (lh 57) Fri/Sat 00:00 Hyde Park Picture House LI you a taste of the different Organ's finest spinning dinner Sun/Mon/rue 20:40 FRI: No showings SAT: Ttuef Lord Try something really different - activities that the society offers. service and a table-hopping Because I Said So (12A) (lh 41) (PG) 11.00 A Prairie Home Journey to Safety is a drama Try war gaming with miniatures, magician. Also Casino Blackjack Fri/Sat/Sun 10:00, 12:20. 14:50, Companion (PG) 16.15 exercise simulating what it's like test your luck with card gaming, and roulette with free chips 17:20, 19:50 Fri/Sat Late 22:20 Hot Fuzz (15) 18.30, 20.45, 23,00 to be a refugee. All you need to or if you're feeling active, then try provided - plus a few extra for Mon/Tue 14:50, 17:20. 19:50 SUN: A Prairie Home Companion bring is an open mind if you want Live Action Roleplay: dress up in best dressed! Babel (15) (2h 22) Tue 14:45, (PG) 16.15 to take part in this interesting and chain mailand use latex swords 17:50, 20:55 Hot Fuzz (15) 18,30, 20.45 MON: thought-provoking session. and axes. The Last King of Scotland (15) Hot Fuzz (15) 18.30.20.45 TUE: II Do you have a one off event you (21t Imo) Fri/ Sat/Sun 09:45, Gattopardo (PG) 17.50 20th 23rd want include in the 1.52 diary? 12:25, 15:20, 18:20, 21:10 Fri/ Sat Hot Fuzz (15) 21.15 WED: A Tai Chi ARC Conference Hall, Beginners Gym Session Meet email details to: Late 23:50 Prairie Home Companion (PC) ARC Reception, 9.45arn-1 lam, £1 [email protected] by Mon/Tue 15:20, 18:20, 21:10 Hot Fuzz (15) 18.30. 20.43 5pm-6pm, £3 16.00 Explore the mental and physical Just to show you that the gym isn't Tuesday. Venus (15) (lh 34) Wed/Thu THU: Unarao Jaan (12A) 11.30 Hot so bad... I You'll be shown how to 21:15 Fuzz (15) 18.30. 20.45 benefits of this ancient Chinese Little Miss Sunshine (15) (l h practice. It can help teach use the equipment and given tips EMILY ISRAEL'S... Dear Diary. paper rubbish. landfill sites', 'halting global warnung' and 'appeasing An incident compelled me to write to the local Disheartened I may have been, but now, now Sir, I Lizo from Newsround to your credentials. The Deputy am determined. I have here enclosed a petition of a Premiership will be entirely yours once Prescott is hundred names calling for the introduction of an suitably disposed of (unearth a photo of him shaking Dear Hz71ary Benn, extensive recycling programme throughout your the hand of Gary Glitter to speed the process of his domain. (Admittedly, some of the signatures appear exit), providing of course that Labour win the next Under your premiership in Leeds, an error of Shilpa Prescottian proportions has remained unchanged. I improbable, but I assure you the names of election. You can ensure such an outcome by proving am not alluding to the fluorescent blight upon the eye Shelly, Sir Bob Geldol, and Harold Bishop are authen- David Cameron's lycra cycling shorts were actually that is Morrison, nor to the deplorable heel of your tic). Imagine the soaring of your popularity if you see manufactured in China by the sweat of child labour. the the people's ambitions manifested in glorious forms And if, once in office, you ever fancied a further pro- constituency-,Woodhouse, rather I am referring to of giant sculptures made from recyclable goods, of motion... (assunung, by this time, Gordon Brown is colossal uselessness of the Leeds recycling Pro- gramme. We have no household 'paper bin'. I have beautiful household recycling bins, of shiny play- Prime Minister), just cement the break-up of the exist- had no choice but to hoard old papers in a suitcase, grounds consisting of reused plastics, of sporadic ing United Kingdom by adapting the national curricu- with the intention of depositing its content, when full, recycling points and signs adorned throughout the lum to preach that William Wallace, Robert Bruce and the completed city declaring 'This way to the Recycling Point!'. Public Billy Connolly were, in fact, English rebels. Under Into an ethical bank. The occasion of morale will be smiling, and the economy will bloom revised immigration and terrorist laws, Mr Brown case having arrived, I voyaged, tailed by my store, no recycling house from the glare of positive attitude. Leeds can be the would then have to be deported. into the city centre. But there was next London. Even the US administration will take Your spiralling and inevitable rise to power begins (at least, I couldn't find it if there was one), and with with a few recycling bins... regards to the public bins, there was only the occa- note of your success and imitate your courageous Is this actions. sional waste segregation of aluminium cans. Yours truly coun American 7V? In I understand you are in contention to be the next try only suited to recycling Deputy Prime Minister. Sir, your chances will greatly abject disillusion, I resorted to the University of increase when you can add, 'slowing the saturation of Leeds. In the end, I found a fair resting place fox my 22

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HIDDEN to practi ways." plc seem decisi ve with-the- dust must the carpe puts mot'. up the -;u cement buildings 4 eeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 13 Genesis Extra

bjectivity. When asked what the work involved: by protecting communities Prostitution in numbers to her, We of the women said that from the nuisance associated with pros- had been a learning project with a dif- titution: and by ensuring that those who erence, Nurtured by a former Leeds control, coerce or abuse those in prosti- Went whose dissertation focused on tution are brought to justice." But fig- he importance of establishing a person- ures show that the threat posed by the identity as opposed to nne formed by eriminalisation of prostitution has led to den. namely the mediae she was made slightly more than one per cent {that's o feel welcome and to gain invaluable two out of one hundred and ten ques- confidence. tioned) retiring from the business as a el was given the insight to see how result of this police crack-down. The Approximate proportion of beautiful art really is: how a simple rest on the other hand are continually, women in prostitution who began neje& a dandelion or a butterfly, is art being pushed further into the margins - working when they were under id can be interpreted in so many dif- physically. socially, and legally_ As 18-years-old ferent ways." their voices become increasingly distant She was able to gain the self-belief to and stifled by Anti-Social Behaviour valise that she. and indeed anybody is Orders, is it any wonder that those at capable of making art. Genesis welcomed the opportunity to Does she feel that the project has make themselves he ard ? allowed her to express herself') Prostitution has long bobbed up and 5,000 el do feel that I've been able to down with the ebb and tide of public repress myself in so many ways that opinion. Often considered one of the Of the estimated 80,000 thought I was incapable of. and to do it world's oldest and perhaps most natural prostitutes nationwide, 5,000 of through an is truly amazing and opens professions (the exchange of sexual them will be children with a lots of doors and opportunities for me. favours in return for certain privileges female to male ratio of four to Penple never listened before as you has been observed in apes and some one weren't seen as a person, but a working species of bird), it has gone from being girl, a junky. or a nobody." tolerated in sixteenth century Roman And what would she like people to Catholic society for supposedly pre- take from this work:"'I would hope that venting the greater sins of rape and mas- •people take a real understanding of the turbation, to being reviled, predomi- lifestyle 1 have led and to not judge us nately by nineties feminists. for promot- eh in believe in us, accept us es equals ing a negative image of the female body and not down in the gutter l want peo- us an object in existence solely for male 95% ple to see the real beauty in our artwork. sexual gratification. Modern opinion is Proportion of sex workers who to know we produced it. and to know largely divided between those advocat- have drug or alcohol addiction that each person will take something ing a complete abolition, a nigh-on different home, as each of the women iremlved with the project did." Does she feel that this work embod- ies her'! "I feel that my piece represents "Whilst involved in the sex industry, nut only myself, but all women in the sex industry. It represents an attempt to my relationship with the police wasn't became a voice that is heard and not for- gotten and pushed further out there." very good," commented one former A Channel 4 survey into prostitution sex worker when asked if she would in Britain has shown that three quarters of women on the game said that they report such an incident. "If you had been attacked by clients in the lust year, with 60 per cent beime violently reported a rape or being beaten-up, beaten andior raped. Worryingly. 69 per cent refused to report the assaults In they'd just say 'You're a prostitute; police for fear of unsympathetic you deserve it'." "Whilst involved in the sex industry. my relationship with the police wasn't very good," commented one former sex %leiter-when asked if she would report impossible aim. and those calling for its suet an incident. "If you reported a rape decriminalisation or legalisation on the or being beaten-up, they 'd just say basis that it is a "victimless crime" - -You're a prostitute: you deserve it.' whether preistitution can indeed be dis- They wouldn't do anything about it. missed as victimless is an argument less Some of the police sometimes took easily judged. What it all boils down to edvantage- Hut you have to remember is this: prostitution is in essence based 75% ileac some niris have been brought up in as much on consumer trade as your hand etre and when they °petted up or asked supermarket in that the consumer choos- Proportion of child prostitutes for help t with issues such as abuse, rape, es what he wants and pays for it. In this who have interrupted or being groomed, or pimped) they were light. should the sale of sex he regarded prematurely terminated often not believed or told that there was any differently 10 the sale of chocolate. - educational careers net enough evidence to do anything another niche nation's favourite things - about it. The whole Trust thing is gone so long as it is entirely the 'vendor's' and you're left feeling that you have choice to do so? Again. things ate com- nowhere to turn. Every door you go to is plicated due lathe impossibility of judg- slammed in your face and you are ing what is freely chosen and what is judged or taken advantage of. I would not; in a trade that often moulds children report an incident now that I am no from-an early age. choice of any son longer a part of the industry because I simply doesn't come into the argument_ have gained the confidence to do the For now, prostitution in Britain right thing, whether I am believed or remains shrouded in eveil of stigma but not, to stop it happening to someone all this could be set to change in coming else." years with the proposed introduction of As for the big government clean-up, legal brothels, like those in Amsterdam. 993 a renew of the prostitution laws was where working women will have access Number of arrests for kerb commissioned by the Home Office in to clean. safe for safer) facilities, in crawling in 2002, compared with 2004, producing the new Co-ordinated another government attempt to curb the 2,678 for soliciting Prostitution Strategy, based on the erim- number of 'street-crawlers.' Whether malitution of sex workers and those these changes will be enough to bring buying sex. According to the Govern- about a softening of public opinion and merit "the strategy will focus on disrupt- give the women more legal rights and ing sex markets by preventing individu- protection remains to be seen. In the als, and particularly children and young meantime. Genesis has taken a small yet people, from being drawn into prostitu- significant step towards raising aware- MUSES: Prostitutes have been used by artists as models for their paintings, tion: by providing appropriate protec- ness regarding the profession and the but in Genesis, sex workers are given the opportunity to express themselves tion and routes out for those already lives led by its anonymous workers, through art.

14 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 Business How to get ahead in business One of the most effective ways to progress up the career ladder is to manage yourself and your careers though you are a Chief Executive Officer - the head of 'Me plc' - says Personnel Today's Scott Beagrie.

4.:e ArIN successful CEO of a Cur- there_ and even 15 years' time. Remember. tine advice on evaluating the lokf Poration. vile must have the Identii? what is important to you ill your blueprint for success needn't nee• " Not everyone sees success in roles youu could take on to Jim vision to see where 'Me plc' is life and use this to set your , siglitN ou essarily involve financial gain or terms of readily measurable indicators. gaps. the best organisations to work ieaded and knoll/ how you will get sti here you ‘k ■Int to be in three. five. 10. advancement. like a bigger pay packet or higher for. as well us the optimum rime for level in the company hierarchy." says mos ing between jobs, David Cumherbutch, senior consultant Be prepared to review your strategy at business psychologist X an earn . regularly to allow for market changes which helps organisations such as or the company's business fortunes, If Royal Mail and Fujitsu Services idea- It helps. write down the steps required. Lily and accelerate the performance of to achieve your goals. and cheek your people iv ith 'high potential'. As pun progress. of defining. vnur vision or purpose. think about both tangible and non-tan- gible success indicators.- he says. -Simile of the most important indica- Focus on tors may he less obviously measura- ble. such as enjoyment of work. or developing a intellectual challenge set of APPOINT A 'BOARD' As ('U) of Me plc. you will need a guiding personal hoard of advisers to keep you focused and motivated and kelp you principles deliver on your game plan. So think of people in your network whose and experience %sill he of nur%t value on. MIN' inns contenders include fellow professionals. sour lute manag- er and senior-level people who could •become -Some of the best strategies arc the -Take every opportunity to extend most flexible. so focus on developing tour network outside your (mu orpft. set of aniding principles.- explains isatinn - this can include clients. sup- Cumberbatch. "You can use these pliers and people you have made con- principles to screen es els thing to tact with in the past," advises Cumber- establish what is amt supporting ylltlf I tiilrn."

FORMULATE A STRATEGY KEEP COMMUNICATION once yin! have set your v istom a plan CHANNELS OPEN of action can tic worked out ( .onteni- Maintain regular contact with the pl.th. veil can hest accomplish hoard and present progress reports. yowl career developnleig objective, in This will keep you focused. and ensure incremental steps. Decide lulu you that everything relates hack to your ean hest use die talents of your board Mc plc game plan. snit !mike sure Ihey know %hal kind or Article by Scott Heagrie who writes direcI1011 support you expect from for Personnel Today Mom picalty • }I might include itet-

The business 'do's and 'don't's

Do: Don't: • Identify your strengths and • Assume that the price of suc- what you most enjoy doing. cess is having to put up with • Continuously find situations jobs that you don't enjoy. that will stretch you. • Allow life to drift past without • Be on the watch for oppor- giving any thought to your tunities that support your dream career. vision. • Assume it is somebody else's • Remember that mistakes responsibility to develop you. are important for learning. • Think you will get all the • Adapt your original game learning you need from books plan if a better opportunity or courses. emerges. • Settle for second best - life is far too short to be lived as a AHH SUGAR. SUGAR!: Amstrad honcho Alan Sugar in the days when he and Kevin Keegan were considered f ash- compromise. ionistas. Reproduced by permission of Personnel Today Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 15 China

China's disillusioned masses are looking for a new system of Communism belief by which to govern their lives. LS Correspondent Christine out, religion in Cooped, reports.

s an ordinary middle-school stu- the 1950s, the government created or to kowtow before fierce-looking idols. social life and that often fuels yearnings was unable to find a cure. One day. Wu dent in early '70s China. Mr. Liu took over supervising bodies for each of A crimson-robed monk sits cross-legged for Tibetan independence. The state invited her neighbour to a house church Aadopted the socialist ideals of the the five major religions in China. on a stone platform, surveying the scene. takes action against religious practices it service near their home in rural Tianjin. Chinese Communist Party as the guiding enabling the Party to control believers His name is Ah Wang Tu Dan, and he finds threatening. In 2(81(1. for instance. They prayed for her. and her hack got principles of his life. He joined both the through the clergy. By 1966, religion in conies from the famous Kumbun it closed a popular training institute or better. Li expressed her neighbour's con- Communist Party Youth League and the China was facing its greatest catastrophe monastery on the border of Tibet and Buddhist practitioners in Sichuan fused feelings: " She said. Tve always Red Guards, the infamous foot soldier's yet the Cultural Revolution. Qinghai. He notes that "A few years province. More than 10,0M students. teen it Buddhist. My family have always of Mao's Cultural Revolution, who Father Zhang 10, ed through all this ago. no Chinese worshipped at Kumbun, most of them Han Chinese, had gathered been Buddhists. But after this. how can I smashed ten iples and historical artifacts turmoil. He was horn into a Catholic Now they arrive by the busload, and at the Serda Institute in Ganzi county to not become Christian?" A woman told and terrorised people deemed enemies of family in 1959. and recalls how, during they're not tourists. They come to wor- study with a famous teacher. The insti- the congregation at Kuanjie Protestant Maoist thought. Today, Liu sits in a the Cultural Revolution, his family ship." Han Chinese. like Westerners, are tute has since reopened, but the number Church. Beijing: " My brother's daughter church discussion group where believers wouldn't dare hold a church service or becoming attracted by the mystic ritual» of students is limited to a few hundred. had a virus which doctors had never t een are sharing their newly adopted faith. 1k even meet up with other Catholics. ism of Tibetan Buddhism Despite government efforts to restrict before. She was on a ventilator and tells of how he began attending church Instead they would pray in the secrecy of Whilst there can be no doubt that reli- religious expansion. Tianjin Cathedral everyone had lost hope. But I prayed for services in 1983, but delayed baptism for their home. the fear of discovery always gion in China is undergoing a major over Easter weekend is bursting at the her. and she recovered. Now her family a tong time.. He was afraid that in the weighing heavy on their minds. He revival. all religions still operate under seams, Crowds of people spill out from follow Christ too." aftermath 01 the collapse of his beloved remembers the exact day when the strict government surveillance and the open doors, and a sea of tightly- The collapsing health system. search Communist ideals, his reasons for seek- churches were finally alloweduF throw restriction. The Party feels threatened- it packed heads reaches up the aisles all the for spirituality. and over-restriction in ing out Christianity were not akin to true open their doors - the 13111 in August the number of Christians in China is 80 way to the altar. in the church yard. official churches all came together in the faith. After years of wavering. he finally 1980. the feast day of the Assumption of million or more as estimates saggest. speakers relay the service to several hun- most controversial religious movement rededicated his life: "Yesterday I Mary into Heaven. Gradually the Church then Christians already outnumber l'arty dred more faithful, who kneel on the China has seen since the founding of the believed in Communism, today I believe began to rebuild itself: bibles came hack members by ten million, and vv Oh an rough tarmac ground while assistant People's Republic - Falun Gong. A set in Christ." into print, priests were let out of prison. annual growth rare of seven percent, priests unveil a crucifix and sprinkle holy of breathing exercises drawing un the Liu's story is common all over China. Zhang notes that the Church experienced Christianity's sphere of influence is water in the shadow of a shrine to Mary. principles of Buddhism. Daoism and At the beginning of the Communist a growth explosion to the early '90s. The increasing all the time_ People are fre- In an eleventh-storey flat in the art Qigong, it is estimated that at its peak Party's rule in 1949. there were less than many who came to the church seeking quently arrested for religious activities district in Dashanzi, Beijing. Members of Falun Gong had 60 million followers. four million Christians nationwide. Esti- spiritual comfort were welcomed by "a that would he protected in tree countries. a Protestant underground church-group including senior government and milt- mates put the current figure closer to 8(1 new generation of young priests. with In July 20112. Zhang Ronghang, the head meet weekly for prayer and discussion. taty officials. At first. Falun Gong was million. This astonishing growth is not new ideas who were graduating from the of uric of China's largest house church The minister begins to pray. a torrent of ignored as harmless. much like the just confined to Christianity: while fig- seminaries.- networks. yeas piled tor -fralidliientl:y words (lowing from his screwed-up face underground churches. But. Wien ures are harder to obtain for A Chinese tour guide herds her yel- AU:ailing a paNTorl irOssing a bor- to calls of 'Yes?" and "Amen!" from his 10.000 practitioners turned up on the and haoism, temples in today's China low-capped flock into a corner of the der illegally 12.3 places of worship appreciative congregation. After a dra- doorstep of the Party leadership one are attracting crowds of worshippers the courtyard, while worshippers queue up were shut down in liarig,.su province in matic crescendo_ he shows "Father we morning in April 1999. in peaceful like of which have not been seen since November the following year. affecting are sinners! Sine its'. Save us!" and he is protest of an article slandering their before the Cultural Revolution. From 3(100 Christians. ibis repression is justi- spent. Other tnembers of the group take charismatic leader Li Hongzhi. it result- the high plateau of Tibet to the booming From 1949 fied thus in a government white paper on up the baton. praying urgently. frantical- ed in a crackdown of ....rod severity. factories of the Pearl River Delta. the Freedom of Religions Belief in China: ly. One w Lnar/ has prepared live pages Practitioners were rounded up and sent to Chinese are turning to God to fulfill then onwards, the "Now the Chinese people are bui Id' ng worth of :crawled. heavily-corrected education-thmugh-labour camps. materi- spiritual needs, What is it about contem- China into a modern socialist country prayer to mad out. A mixture of shouts als relating to Falun Gong publicly burnt. porary China that has nurtured this Nii- Communist Party with Chinese characteristics. The Chi- of approval and sobs fills the gaps when and protestors tortured - even killed - in gata,. Fervor, in spite of decades. of active provided the nese government advocates that religion she pauses for breath. Ms Wen klahs at police custody. persecution and repression of religion by should adapt to this reality...Such adap• her. eyes with a tissue. Later, Wen tells Under Ho itnitio's leadership. Ideolo- those in power? Chinese people tat ion...requires religions to conduct me how. stuck in a had career and a had gy seems even less important. and reli- From 1949 onwards. the Communist their activities within the sphere pre- marriage. she came to the church; "My gious life is hi:corning. less restricted. Party provided the Chinese people with with ready-made scribed by lass and adapt to social and heart was entry." she says. "I was look, The possibility of another Falun Gong- ready-made answers to the btu questions answers to the big cultural progress." ing for something. but I didn't know type uprising and violent suppression, of life: it told them what to think, how 10 For Catholics. government restriction is what,• She describes her baptism with While always possible, seeffiti act, and what happens when you die. questions of life: it most evident in the struggle between the live others in x river ai a beautiful spot Instead. religion may well play a stabiliz- Deng Xiaoping's economic reforms of Vatican and the Catholic Patriotic Asso- outside Beijing. "I knew Jesus would he ing rule in Chinese society. Mr. Hu, one I971[ eroded this ideology. and to an told them what to ciatien, who, having declared that the with me tOrever." of the many Han Chinese who ti" One- increasingly materialistic society which, .Pope has no jurisdiction over Catholi- The decline of Communism in China Lice Tibetan Buddhism, makes use of his alone with rising unemploy mem. levels think, how to act, cism in China, select new bishops for has contributed Lo interest in religion m time in Beijing on it business trip to visit and widening income gaps, left many and what happens ordination. usually based on who is 1111174 noire ways than simply the loss of a Yonghegong temple, He stands up from feeling lost and seeking a new doctrine. likely to toe the party line. The under- structured ideology for its followers. the WOnl arid bawl Otlee name to Before Man Zedong- s triumph over when you die ground Catholic Church ordained Vati- The collapse of socialized health care the gilded Buddha before him. He the Nationalists in 1949. China remained can-approved bishops in defiance of the means sick Chinese must pay cash before recites a mantra in Tibetan. then tells rise open to religious. including Christian. CPA. leading to the development of two cainine access to a doctor. Many turn to OW if one prays to Buddha, . ideas. In the year following the Commu- Separate Catholic hierarchies in China. prayer to suave their problems. IA Wen, career. love and money - all these nist victory, however. "some ten thou- Restrictions on Buddhist practice ate 71. converted to Christianity two years aspects of life will improve," lie smiles sand Protestant and Catholic foreign Mis- most evident in Tibetan Buddhism, a ago, She tells how a Buddhist neighbour and hands me three joss slicks before sionaries were forced to leave China." in religion that serves as the core of Tibetan if hers had back problems for years, but vanishing into the next hall. 16 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 9, 2007 Want to write for Leeds Student?

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10'2- (3'7 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 17 Comments expressed here are not necessarily the views of Leeds Student Comment Too fast too furious

3 Christina Okello takes a look at the Chinese economy, the speed at which it is developing and its potentially dangerous nature.

Christina Okello nyone who has visited the to reinforce. What begins to emerge situation in Sudan must remain an Beijing's strong support for Mugabe. mainland of China in recent is a kind of ideological battlefield, internal affair. Though. if that were the U.N. was unable to reach a A years cannot help but have with the East and West vying for really the case, China would not he consensus on further formal noticed the cloaks of swirling smog Africa from both sides, almost akin to manufacturing arms that oppress discussions of the issue. If discussion engulfing its cities. Coal-fired power that other great clamour. the Cold minority populations and quash is taboo, there's not even hope of any stations stand in for more traditional War. For, undeniably, China's political opposition: it would walk action being taken to counter the sights, while the deafening sounds of fascination with Africa is not new. away and simply let these countries forced displacement of 700,000 generators meet you at every step. and dates hack to the l960s and get on with it That really would people from their homes: people who The pervasiveness of this expansion is 1970s, where it centred on building constitute "non-interference". Hence, at least had the courage to stand up to ahnost perverse: pervasive in that it ideological solidarity with other why these African dictators have no Mugabe. Can the U.N. say as much? seems to have bitten the Chinese like underdeveloped nations to advance compunction about abusing Human As China's power and influesee a had bug; perverse that they should communism and repel Western Rights laws: no matter what they do, grows, its factories continue to chbrn focus their insatiable demand on a "imperialism". Given the situation in they know they can count on China to out more and more smoke, helpless country like Africa. Yet. as a Africa today, it would be fair to say holster their international legitimacy asphyxiating its inhabitants and vital holder of the world's natural that China's model of a one-party in the United Nations. bleeding Africa dry. Its growth has resources. Africa has always been an totalitarian state appears to have For example. in September 2004, become too expensive and is driving area of significant economic and rubbed off on many African dictators. the U.N. Security Council passed a African countries into unsustainable. strategic interest: Only now, it is a And China rewards its African friends Resolution that condemned the mass debt and irreversibly depleting the potent reflection of the cost of with diplomatic attention and killing of civilians in the Darfur continent's resources. Worse still. China's growth. For the past decade. financial and military assistance. region. but stopped short of imposing China's prosperity is perversely China's economy has been expanding predicated on a strict policy of "non- oil sanctions against Khartoum. Why bound up with the deaths of all those at a dizzying speed. and boasts an interference". Yet China is did proceedings grind to a halt? China millions whom its mOney is helping to annual growth rate well into the legitimising and encouraging Africa's abstained from the vote and then annihilate. This economic 'miracle' is double-digits. must repressive regimes: Robert threatened to veto any further action. veering drastically out of control and This relentless capacity for Mugabe in Zimbabwe and Omar al- Talks remain at a standstill now. In out of breath by the minute: for its expansion requires enormous Bashir in Sudan. It doesn't matter that July 2005. Britain, backed by the sake and especially its neighbours', it resources. especially energy. In an almost a quarter of a million people United States and seven other would be time for it to hit the brakes attempt to satisfy its sharply rising have been killed in Sudan. by countries. led a Security Council and slow down, domestic energy demand. Beijing has weapons that it continues to sell to briefing on Zimbabwe's slum fixed its attention on Africa, and Khartoum. "Business is business". demolition campaign in an effort to Email: currently imports 25% of its total oil And, for the Chinese Deputy Foreign generate a punitive Security Council from the continent. Keen to maintain Minister Zhou Wenzhong, the internal resolution. However, because of [email protected] strong ties with its African energy suppliers. Beijing has offered sweeteners of soft-loans and huge investments. However, 'magnanimous' though this lending seems, many critics argue that it is merely a smoke screen for indebting non-developing countries even more. Never mind the fact that it runs counter to the Third World Debt relief programme the West is trying to enforce. Yet, what is really reprehensible is the fad that Beijing is able to plunder Africa's raw materials at knockdown prices: one would hardly have thought that the world's third largest economy would need to make any more profit, and certainly not off the hacks of the poor. So, in great colonialist style, the Chinese batter Africa's economies with a flood of subsidised goods and surplus labour, usurping many locals out of business. "Our textile factories can't compete with cheap Chinese imports." comments one Zambian worker. Moreover. Chinese owners import labourers to do jobs that Zambians say could go to them. "That's not the kind of investment we need." asserts Zambia's former trade and industry minister. Indeed, the form of 'development' offered by Beijing to its "good partner and China's model of a brother". states the Chinese President one-party Hu Jintao. results in Africans being subjected to harsher and less safe totalitarian state working conditions for lower pay, appears to have compared with more favourable treatment in other Western rubbed off on many companies. More favourable though African dictators the West may be, one can hardly forget the many years of colonisation it enforced upon the continent; a hegemony that the East is now trying 18 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007

Wooldrige offends on raid than others in our area. Speculation Dr Hartley's teaching about the raid occumng was to be methods 'not for me' religion expected considering the similar Leeds Student Dear Editor. occurrences at other venues across the Dear Editor, As a Christian, l feel that I must city in previous weeks. However, to 0113 3801 450 I was surprised to sec the series of let- respond to the article by Mr. suggest that anybody associated with The ters and comment article defending the Wooldridge. where he argues that Dirty Disco or Northern Light may have [email protected] 'teaching methods' of Dr Hartley in Christians should not tell non- had any prior knowledge of the police last week's Leeds Student. I was in Dr believers about what they believe, raid undermines the months of hard work, Hartley's politics dissertation class last with the hope that they might come to commitment and enthusiasm which go in know God. Mr. Wooldridge judges semester and can't say I find his meth- to each Party. ods particularly rewarding. that doing so is not inclusive to all Long queues aren't uncommon at such Don't be left alone people's views. a popular event; Dirty Disco is not sonic His classes were marked by long and arrogant rants at student's chosen Since coming to know God sort of super-club designed to maximise dissertation titles. I think me and Dr through Jesus. my faith. by His grace. profits at the expense of its clobbers. at night Hartley have certain political differ. stands firm. It is therefore the case. Instead it is a monthly party hosted by ences that meant. I was lucky enough to that I will not compromise on any two to guys who are passionate about point in the Bible, which is perhaps t is not yet clear if the two Leeds his mid 20s. get n particularly long and arrogant music and the Leeds clubbing scene; the why Mr. Wooldridge believes that girls recently raped are in fact stu- It 15 only two months since the interrogation of my chosen title in each huge effort by everybody involved to gel Christians trying to win non- Idents, however, it is of great con- 'Suffolk Strangler' attacks which class. the party restarted and reach as many Christians to the Lord is not cern to the female student population. dominated the national news in the I am doing my dissertation on disappointed clobbers by text as possible advisable, due to the fact that particularly as the women subjected run-up to Christmas, where five pros- French postmodernism, but somehow as well as the apologies posted on the Christians will not negotiate. to the attacks arc 22 and 23 respec- titutes were raped and murdered our arguments touched on issues such club's myspace page for the disruption is However. God teaches us to Love tively. All that can he said to our female as privatisation. South African testament to this. others as we love ourselves The fact that these attacks hap- readers is to remain vigilant when out apartheid and neoliberalism. Dr Hart- Any suggestions or criticisms voiced (Mark12311 and it is because of this pened on the outskirts of the city cen- in the city centre late at night. ley was particularly convinced that on the club's forum are always addressed love that Christians want to share the tre is also worrying given the mass The last thing we want is a repeat Nelson Mandela was a "self-interested publicly by the organisers. Anybody still joy of their salvation. This is gaol:nits of students who frequent the of these horrendous attacks. communist agitator" and there was no in possession of a full unused ticket for something that Jesus commanded centre of Leeds late at night. difference between the public and pri- the night can use it to gain free entry to Christians to do (Mark 16:15), and far Female students should use this vate sector. next month's party at Stylus, Leeds from being excluding. Christians horrifying news to ensure they look- These arc pretty wild views, but for University. It is understandable that after hope that more people will be ing after themselves late at night. and disagreeing with them I was routinely a sufficient amount of time the night included in knowing the salvation of that are never left alone. condemned as being a "loony left nut- could not remain free. Dirty Disco boasts Jesus. The man arrested is said to be in ter". 1 guess as a Marxist I should be six high profile international Dj's each use to this label. I was actually in good Christians mean well by trying to month as well as showcasing local company though as in another 'discus- bring people to God; it would be a upcoming talent: an expensive feature, sion' we had Hartley labelled Held and shame if it were to be concluded that but one which enables it to far outshine McGrew, globalisation theorists with Christians should not preach the many of its' local competitors. It would Just a popularity gospel. social democratic politics. as "loony have been unfair on those who had left miners" too. already paid to get in. I didn't lodge a formal complaint Yours. Police raids such as this one oceur an contest? but did see another lecturer in the poli- numerous clubs throughout the country tics department for help with my dis- Rachel Tomniak. all the time. The raid clearly his week's election campaign- themselves through Facebook did senation. All in all I found the experi- inconvenienced everybody's night but it ing was not only visible on inform members about what they ence pretty funny but still congratulate Disco not so dirty seems unfair to question the quality or Tcampus. it was extremely would do if they were voted in, how- whoever lodged the complaint and integrity of The Dirty Disco as a result. noticeable on the phenomenon that is ever, would this have mattered to Hugo Radice for taking it seriously. Dear Editor Facehook. those who joined the group, surely I am pretty confident in my politics. I am writing with regards to the drugs raid Yours. Is this a kick in the teeth for Union they pledged their allegience on the so I wasn't too concerned about Hart- article published on the front page of last Hannah Verehes democracy or a clever way of inform- basis that they know this person. ley's denunciations, but you would week's Leeds Student. The YouTube ing people about the elections? The mass use of Facehook by can- have to worry about how less confident video referred to in the article actually Friends will vote for frienciS didates to promote themselves entails people would feel. It is totally inappro- captured Dirty Disco's ice canon, a Corrections and regardless of their abilities. This is the risk of breaking the elction rules, priate behaviour for a member of the feature of the night. being let off, and not clarifications extremely unfortunate as the best Which has caused those standing to University's academic staff. sprayed CO2 gas as was written. it is the policy of the Leeds Student to candidate will be losing out on pre- tip-toe carefully when using the net- I can appreciate how disappointing it correct significant errors as soon as cious votes. work. Cheers, is when a night out is ruined, particularly possible. if you see an error in our The campaign is ultimately a job We need to hod a better way of when money is lost as a result. The pages, email the editor on interview, as those vying for the informing students about each candi- Luke Cooper temporary closure of Northern Light due [email protected]. Please quote the lucrative Exec roles will he employed dates' credentials. not enough people to ongoing licensing issues seems to have date and page number. full-time from July this year. Should come along to hustings. or even know drawn more attention to The Dirty Disco someone be employed on the basis about it. This needs to be rectified. that they have a better poster or gim- because this event alone. where those Send letters to Leeds Student newspaper. Leeds University Union, PO Box 157, Leeds LS I l UH. 1r email the editor on mick than their opponent? No. standing provide a speech and go cditorWeedsstudentorg,uk. Please keep comments to 200 words. The editor reserves the right to edit letters for content and space. Everyone who has voted should through the rigours of a Q&A ses- have checked out the manifestoes of sion, can give all the information vot- all candidates standing, whether in ers need. idst week's Leeds Student or through However, Facebook has made ** Improve your text life - text LS ** the handy handbook on show at the people more active in the elections polling stations. which is a good thing. even if it is Most candidates who promoted seen as 11 popularity contest. ***•****************** ****** ** The sports office, what a useless, pathet- txt 07794 lm a boy and my straighteners broke, is ic bunch of work shy losers. They're it too soon to go to lectures yet? my awful at absolutely everything, sack 125795 Pool plans could friends laugh at me. them all now. 2 get ur msg in ************* ****** *********** ****** ****** * ************* **** Hey there little sexy pig u made it with a Man I am sick of all this campaigning, take a dive man. And now uve got a kid with can't wait for it to end. hooves instead of hands...legend t seems that our planned swimming said that the University's proposed site *********** ******* ***********• pool may not be delivered to us in is not ideal for non-university users. s***************************** Ithe way we expected. The news which could mean that students will Ronnie likes 2 feast upon man meat. Lydia you can sod that jamcs worboys Word to the bird. MH that council bosses may be forced to Suffer as they would be the ones to and come see me. I'll give you a right share facilities between the public and make the trek if they fancy a dip. seeing too You'll he twitching for a ********•********************* the University could help build the The original plans for our own week afterwards. lames Worboys, i 'can't get no sleep' relationship between students and the pool. which will also include a 200 since you left me. Love Lydia x community. station fitness suite, will have serious ****************************** The International pool, sitting in benefits for some of our sports teams. Vote Lee Randle No. 1 for activities offi- the city centre near the dual carriage- most notably, and obviously, the cer 2008 way and the Yorkshire Post, is set to swimming team and water polo club. Sony curly haired girl in the fav on weds. u were hot but i have gf. Lots of love. he knocked down. resulting in a woe- We won't be requiring the use of a ****************•** ******** **• ful lack of swimming facilities, swimming pool 2417 so it makes sense hussies man. Xx Smile if you're guy The Leeds International Pool to let others make use of the facility. Action Group - lobbyists who want particularly as it will be the only one easy access to a pool in the city - have available around the city centre. Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 19 Comments expressed here are not necessarily the views of Leeds Student Opinion Is trident justified?

a Akram Saihab gives his opinion on the government's decision to renew the UK's nuclear capabilities.

I Life as a first year undergraduate is not have_ a whip round to see if sonic be true. because in the modern epoch lions of which nuclear weapons is one of areal,. With new found freedoms. long grubby students can lend a few quid? nuclear weapons are very blunt instru• the prime examples. Nut renewing Tri- Altram Saihab lie-ins and little to worry about apart It is not only in education that the gov- ments foi attempting to ensure security dent would not only be fulfilling our obli- from the measly 40% required to pass the ernment is being IMO. They also seem where much inure subtle ineclumisins are gations under the non-proliferation treaty year, life is just one big party. SULU there unable to conjure up the 0.7% of GDP for needed. but would also give us moral authority to are student fees but you have years foreign aid as recommended by the Mil- The absurdity of the case fur Trident demand nuclear disarmament~ without before you will have to deal with them. lenium Development Goals, and hospi- appears as early as the first page of the the current accusations of double stan- and after all, it is only right that you con- tals are going into debt to fund current white paper where Tony Blair declares dards being made. cc tribute to your education because ass goy • spending due to insufficient funding from that -we need to !actor in the requirement Finally, you should ask yourself this If the question is ernment Higher education secretary Bill the government, Even our beloved Leeds to deter countries which might in the simple question: is there, or would there Rummell so kindly explained in the infirmary is facing cuts! One must future seek to sponsor nuclear terrorism ever be. a situation in which you would how should the gov- recent Big Fees Debate which took place assume therefore that in these attempts to from their soil". Brilliant. From this personally be willing to press the infa- ernment best allo- in the union, the government has other limit spending, din aforementioned 'on- statement we should perhaps assume that mous 'red button' and release a warhead 'priorities' on which to focus their spend- on ties' must be of enormous importance. the government's new anti-terror strate- )l times more powerful than that which cate resources to ing. Imagine my surprise then when I dis- gy somehow includes using nuclear was dropped onto Hiroshima and prevent attacks on A most interesting conjecture for a cover the government white paper on bombs on the places (ruin where terror- Nagasaki thereby costing thousands', if member of a party that was so famously Britain's nuclear deterrent Trident in ists operate. Under this logic Leeds is not millions, their lives? One must con• Britain, then renew- elected on the explicit platform of "edu- which it is recommended that £25 billion probably the prime target for annihilation front this question because this is ulti- ing Trident is cer- cation. education. education" but this can be spent on renewing our nuclear capa- for producing the 7/7 bombers, mately the reality of nuclear weapons, a be forgiven. For this affirmation of the bilities. a cost which is estimated to rise Obviously this argument is both non- reality which no empty rhetoric about tainly not the importance of education was quite a to a whopping E76 billion over the course sensical and extremely dangerous. A security, cost or non-proliferation can while ago and perhaps Mere are now of the deterrent's lifetime. If the question better strategy would be to assess why hide. answer. other priorities, of which education is no is how should the government best allo- Britain appears to be at the forefront of longerone. Under this rationale it makes cate resources to prevent 'attacks on the 'war on terror' and adopt a foreign perfect sense that if the government has Britain. then renewing indent is certain- policy which would attempt to limit the Email: more important demands on spending ly not the answer. For if indent did pro- incentives for attacking. Non-renewal of and is thus a bit strapped for cash, then vide effective security then one could be Trident also has a part to play here. for akram [email protected] the rectitude of attempting to squeeze a forgiven for thinking that Britain would one of the biggest criticisms of Britain is bit out of the now lowly- esteemed educa- be one of the safest countries in western what is seen as hypocrisy by the 'do as I tion system makes perfect sense. Why Europe. Instead the opposite appears to say not as 1 do' approach to foreign relit- Science trumps God

Philip Donohue argues that to embrace the creationist theories of how the planet was formed is a cop out and does the human race no favours

Phillip Donohue :1st week. a report by the UN's exist on Earth. As such, we find our- his "Here is the scientifie evidence. if understanding of our place in the uni- Intergovernmental Panel on Cli- selves at a turning point in the history you don't accept it you're an idiot" verse. For believers in supernatural L mate Change concluded that it is of our planet. a point where it has per- attitude, Sensitivity to other people's creation, the world was created for the in fact human beings, and not the natu- haps never been more vital that the beliefs is of course essential. but the utility of man. Science, through studies ral climatic processes of the planet, education and understanding of sci- reason many atheists are so frank with in evolution and other fields, puts us in that are responsible for global warming ence and nature is properly informed. their attacks on religion is because we our plaice as just another collection of and climate change. The levels of We owe it to our descendants not to realise what is at stake if science loses cells and biochemical reactions that greenhouse gases released into the repeat the selfish abuse of the privi- its legitimate ground to faith. exists on Earth. a place that (as far as atmosphere by human activity have leged power over nature held by um The next generation of scientists, we arc currently aware) is the only been increasingly rapidly since the ancestors, who saw themselves as liv- those in primary and secondary schools place in the cosmos that has any form beginning of the industrial Revolution ing in a world designed for them, to do today. will become the people who will of life at all. in the late eighteenth century. The with as they wished. be expected to deal with the problems The understanding required to fully powerhouses of human development in In recent years, Richard Dawkins caused by their parents, grandparents, grasp the complexities of these theo- industry, from coal powered steam (Chair for the Public Understanding of and generations past. We owe it to ries is doubtless incredibly detailed mills, through oil and gas fuelled elec- Science at Oxford University) has them that we do not sully the facts and and intellectually demanding. But to Human activity is trical power generation, to petrochemi- received much puhlicity for his attacks evidence they need to solve our prob- cop-out and just say 'God did it' is to cal-hungry consumer goods and vehi- on religious teachings such as 'intelli' lems. Facts such as the age of the uni- avoid the difficult questions. and in having a profoundly cles, have caused massive damage to gent design' and creationism in the sci- verse tcurrcntly agreed to be nearly 14 doing so distracts from the essential the environment over the last 200 ence classroom, alongside (and some- billion years old), the age of the Earth understanding and progress towards negative effect on years. times instead of) the theory of Darwin- around 4.5 billion years), the origins truth that humanity has at its core. the on the acutely It is a stark wake-up call to both the ian evolution. His style is one that of life. development of human society industrial elites and to the mass of the some would describe as 'blunt', and etc., the list goes on and on. Without a balanced natural general public who have doubted what many arc turned off by his somewhat deeper understanding of the p rm. we Email: processes that mainstream scientists and researchers antagonistic approach. Indeed, at a lose sight of a better future. Those who have been saying for many years now: recent conference discussing the rela- cannot fully accept evidence of evolu- philip.donnhuerkgmail.com exist on Earth that human activity is having in pro- tionship between science and religion, thm, of the origins of the Earth and the foundly negative effect on the on the astrophysicist (and fellow atheist) Neil universe etc. as fact are unwilling to acutely balanced natural processes that deGrasse Tyson rebuked Dawkins on accept the implications it has on our 20 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007

scored over 311 goals this season. !here are a few players that have been AB -I'd say Ben Lucas and Luke Crow- They've been drawn against York Firsts dubs, I was an apprentice at Wigan. der. Crowder is a typical Scouser and itt he knocknnts. whit Is is great tor diem Lucas is the worst tackler you are likely '`Lucas is the worst there is Chris Nunn who had a .YTS at tackler you're iikely to to play a first team. And the fourths also Charlton, Richard Sexton has been at a to see. Head height tackles. he'll kick see - head-height did well. A lot of new fads have come cop club and one guy, Michael Clausen anything, eat anything. Reiss Lea is tackles and every- into the club and =natter Ben Hickes is has played in Serie B to Italy. one turn tackle. He sometimes goes off thing." nurturing them into the club. - That is pretty impressive_ So u-lu on one and can get himself sent off. LS - You play tor h.' nryl owl rs doll ,:or- Soccer-AM, who is the longest in the LS - Who would sou say is the ladies Antly Buttershy reef! shower.' num? Men's Football Club Captain AB -Yeah I got in as a fresher and AB - Ben - Luca% - aka Zitty - you've AB - That would have to be Guiseppe played in the British I'M Champi- never seen anything like that before. D'Angelo_ He's got a different girl is - fly Anik We rdivara slur: lm rrskin t onships. which we won Its probably the - Who's the hciest player" ever) night - the -Italian Stallion". how the urn' :peon !Are k!etini ry nn rhissea- best les el y on could he play ing at. at um. AB - Nick O'Donagitue, he's the man- LS - This nary he a pretty daft question, sou, NO. h011 (11-C 5O11 • rro rifting? Its a great honour to play for your coun- ager of the seconds and he smokes. he but who would you say are your biggest AB - Well the first team narrow ly try. The standard is amo7ing. like there drinks. •e's a slob and lazy- rivals? missed out on qualifying for the Pre- is a Cambridge City player and all the LS - Who's the sines clown' AB - Yeah, it's gotta he the Met. We're miership_ We were beaten a-i by team tomes from With and Loughbor- .111 - I'd say either Roy Sanderman or massive rivals and they heat its ut Varsi- Sheffield, but came second which is a ough mainly. There are not many Chris Nunn , the 'Nunn-dog'. When we ty so we'll he looking to get revenge the great achic+cracnt. We've drawn Not- ers from up north so it's great. I lose play away from home, they'll be the next time that we play them, tingham in the BLISA knockonts next LS - OR teammates. Who is the quickest ones who cut your sacks and Deep-Heat LS • If vo a were to try sour hand at Wednesday which we want to w in. player you when you're in your boxers. ur no tit r sport in your 1.411 life, what We're going steady in the Notional L'ni • Lames Wood. we call him LS - Who are the ga VS that always put in WIPUld it be cud why? League as well. and we're in the varier Rommedahl cos' he is rapid. The quick- 100(74? AB - Erin, I'm not sure. Definitely not finals of that cup. The second team did- est player you'll see. AB - Um, Matthew Sheppard. who's hockey. I'd say basketball cos' I'm quite n't win the league but there arc about .LS . Who is the best player in the squad? the third team manager. and probably tall so I'd try that for my slam dunks. nine or ten freshers this year- They 're all - I'd say Roy Sandenum. He's a Reiss Lea. In training. Reiss will go LS - That's your 300-seconds over_ getting to know each other but there is Scottish central-midfielder who plays straight through you. He plays on a dif- Thanks for your time and good ha-k tine sonic great talent in the first and second for the firsts_ He's had a great season. he .AP1' ferent level. the knockouts years. The thirds won the BUSA league. cats the right stuff and always plays the Item! :nun in the Leeds AB - Thank you very much BATTERED: Defender Andy leads LS - Who is and their striker Jimmy Warner has his team from the back trni toots. .ctinael

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,isii It, ' Rpin :sect Ttn•hri. ny•I• ;Iroj Itte. tigtto D7 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16. 2007 21 Return of the Champions

Sporting comment

With the Champions League restarting next Tuesday Ahran Symonds-Baig looks at the British teams' chances of progression in Europe's elite competition The Chaim-nom League restarts on lack a cutting edge goine lurward. The trail Manchester United. their effectiveness. Tuesday, which means midweek football midfield is marshalled by Jean Makoun, The inspirational John Tens should As far as Porto are concerned. the for live of Britain's top teams. a Camerocmian who was olive touted as a he hack, but their two main goalscoreres. main danger man is Ricardo puaresma. Celtic have one of the toughest potential Roy Keane replacement LaMplird and Drogba. will he very tired who was linked with a move to Stamford fixtuits possible. having been drawn with Manchester United have been by this stage in the season. That is not to Bridge in January to address Chelsea's one of the perennial powerhouses of the devastating this season, and with Rooney, say their effectiveness will he limited- lack of width and penetration. The European game. AC Milan. It's no all Scholes and especially Ronaldo on peak Dmgba particularly has been exceptional 2003/4 winner have since fallen from doom and gloom. however. their form. shouldn't have a problem easing so far. The strength of the squad as a those heights. but top their domestic domestic fonn is imperious. having not past Lille. Crucially. Ferguson has been whole is in question, as league and qualified from a tricky group. lost for 25 games. and they have a few able to use his squad to great effect this Mourinho seems to still he searching Mr Chelsea should be too strong for Porto. top-class. experienced players in their season, meanine his key players should the right balance in the starting Xl. and but if ever an upset scented made tor ranks. notably Jan Vennegoor of be fresh for this clash, the fringe players, such as Shaun Wright- tabloid headlines. it is here. Besselink. Shunsukc Nakamura and Wednesday sees the worst possible On familiar territory: Jose goes back Phillips lack match sharpness, limiting Thomas Gravesen. draw for Liverpool as Rafa Benitez to Porto Pt-kitc): G000lo What may let them down is the lack returns to his homeland in an attempt to of a top-quality goalseorer in the Henrik heal the most feared side in Europe. if not Lasson mould to upset the solid but the world, Barcelona. This is Liverpool's aging Milan defence. but their last realistic chance of silverware this commitment and teamwork could season, so to be paired with last season's unsettle their opposition, who are used to winners, who have added the talents of a slower tempo game with time and Lilian Thuram, Gianluca Zambroua and space on the ball. Eidur Gudjohnsen to their already star- Whether they progress, however, will studded ranks, will have come as a big depend largely on how they handle blow. Milan's potential attacking threats. such However. Liverpool are defensively as Kaka. Clarence Seedoff, and Alberto very difficult to break down and their Giant:wax captain. Steven Gerrard. has gone on Being drawn against a PSV side who record saying that with their Spanish finished second to Liverpool in one of the contingent and Benitez's knowledge of weaker groups looks like an easy draw the Spanish game. they should have an for Arsenal, but the reigning Dutch edge. champions. who are top of their domestic The reality is that Barcelona have league, are a side with a good been hanging in the goals, have European pedigree. extraordinary, squad depth (lniesta. the Despite always seeming to lose their scorer against England, doesn't even hest players in the close season, a start at club level), and are unbeaten at problem many of the Dutch teams seem home in the league this season. Barcelona to have. PSV have a habit of unearthing have march winners all over the park. and gems to replace them, and Arsenal would whilst they've been below do well not to underestimate them. par this season. they have the potential to However, Arsenal's cup lomi under destroy anyone. Wenger has always been exceptional. so This will he an incredibly difficult with their current run of good form, and fixture for Liverpool. but one glimmer of PSV tolling at this hurdle last season. hope is that recently there has been losing 5-fl on aggregate to Lyon. the dressing room upheave] in the Catalan Gunners will fancy their chances of camp, with star striker Samuel Eto'o progressing to the quaner-finals. apparently refusing to play. against Real Another seemingly easy draw for art &kw-dad. Barcelona haven't been English side, which on paper looks like a untouchable in the league either this walkover-the seemingly unstoppable. season, and if Liverpool can nick an Premier League leaders. Manchester away goal and take an unlikely lead hack United, paired with Lille who are third in to Anfield, then this fixture could be a the French league. and a long. long was behind Lyon. Finally Jose Mourinho's return to It is hard to predict anything but a Pont) sees the reigning English looking to justify Zpecials condonable win Mr United. but the last champions Chelsea ity time the two sides met. Lille pipped the their massive expenditure with a us9 Red Devils to third place in the group European trophy, but it will nut be easy in associcttion with Unite.. clEVRil `LW. beating them 1-0 in the process. for the Blues. This season has exposed The French side are based on a solid some major frailties in the squad. with a 23ri . Feb: defence, with only seven goals conceded lack Of depth and over-reliance on a few 16n% MCIICIA: St Paddy's Midnight parade at home in the league all season. but can ko players being the main reasons they "Probably Chelsea, but I'm PlayBunny Special Your Shout: Who will win Easter the Champions League? hoping Uverpool can do it again, despite the fact they 23rd ildicacit: aren't playing very well at s.com "Man Utd. They're hitting ay , fonn at the right time" the moment" w.truityfrid 8c Hiccup -WI, Kendal -Aaron, London ww tickets available frorn ww-wleedstickets.com "Barcelona, they've still AdvaaceMore tickets on the door from 830pm_ For VIP bookings call Rob on Barcelona. They are too " got the strongest squad" Strong" 0113 380 1333, Exclusively for Students. -Lucy, Oxford -Mark, Liverpool Mine 22 Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007

Good week WEDNESDAY'S Unfriendly BUSA RESULTS

Following the debacle that was the results when it matters. He added: Football friendly with Spain. England have "We could have worked on what we r demolition reduced the number of friendlies they need to do for the next competitive job, this time a 64-0 ,N ill play in the four-year period game." thrashing of beginning after Eum 2008, with head It would seem that the decision. Men's Rugby Union I 13 Sunderland Kings coach Steve McLaren clearly in taken jointly by McLaren and The v. Sheffield 1 9 keeps the Celtics favour of swapping uncompetitive FA. is an admission that nothing has marching on towards matches for longer training camps. been learnt from the friendlies under the play-offs as the "l want the flexibility to be able to recent administrations, whilst fears Men's Rugby Union H P highest scoring team control when we have friendlies." said persist over top club's reluctance to v. Durham HI In Britain McClaren. The key thing for me is release players for internation duty. getting more time with the players. If especially for friendlies. more time means get-togethers with However, these matches present an Men's Rugby Union HI P Rugby Union no end result and we achieve opportunity to try new formations and v. Sheffield Hallam ID P Noi much [U SA something, yes, I would like that,' players. and while obviously a this week. Howe Assistant coach Terry Venables balance has to he struck between the Rugby tines agreed with McLaren's sentiments. success and blooding new players. Women's Rugby Union P the job done, beat echoing the fact that they feel four England have managed neither in v. Sheffield I local rivals Sher day training camps would foster recent times. Using training camps Hallam l3-9. greater team spirit and produce better rather than matches would seem to only reinforce the status quo within the squad. where the most 'influential' players are picked regardless of tactics and form. While fnendhes may he WINS: 1 meaningless in the competitive sense, Cycling when handled correct!) they allow The iLyelists are in fringe players to show that they have LOSSES:- the hack page again. both the ability and the temperament This lime they've to succeed on the international stage. naked up a team which is very- different to what they bronze medal in the may have experienced domestically. DRAWS: - Cvelix:mss The worrying prospect is if chanipionstups. The England arc awarded the 20 IN Work! guys kinbiker just Cup, what would happen to the Learn if they have two years without a can't -top winning McLaren was heavily critic" competitive match? after the Spain friendly Pholo'BBC

Men's Hockey Noi e aauly a halt week. but an incredibly tough draw pits them against Birmingham in the Leaks United BUSA knockouts. Captain Tom Ginty By Joseph Hibberl to seal the victory, clinching a vital football for the first time in their ignorant footballer accidentally describes three points in their battle against long and proud history. without a revealing the team. No doubt the PR Birmmgh:rn me relegation. But Wise's comments mole in the camp. However. as Peter men ut Elland Road will sweep this of the best sides ,n theei'initiy The troubles at Leeds United seem to have made public the fact that. as Tay lor revealed the player is less of a drama under the carpet and little- deepen every week. with the team outspoken Palace Chairman Simon malicious spy. and more of an more will be revealed. fighting for their life at the bottom of Jordon stated, "Wise doesn't have The Championship. suffering control of his dressing room." plummeting attendances. and still a Since Wise's outburst the club mountain of debt. it has now been have only made one statement, Spat revealed that the team was betrayed coming from Chief Executive Shaun week they by a player who leaked the tactics Harvey. eager to play down the de to have a and line-up to the Crystal Palace situation. "While we know it k off! How dare camp. ahead of their game at Elland happened. we do not know which 1 Time off gives Road, Leeds United player it was. There arc he teams a week Manager Dennis Wise bizarrely people at the club who know but they are for the decided to air his side's dirty laundry have not told us as yet. In the cold loans next in public by revealing. "1 um very light of day we have to take into .week Best of luck disappointed because one player account a number of things, Was the to the teams representing Leeds. from my club gave the opposition my leak of the team malicious or naive. team and that player will never play was the information given to Crystal for this club again. It disappoints me, Palace directly or indirectly?•" it hurts me a lot. I told the players Eagles Manager Peter Taylor about it before the game and they hinted that it is perhaps the leak was gave me a great response. We found -naive". "Players talk to each other Women's Tennis out at lunchtime but I'm not going io all the time because they are friends n against talk about it any more and there will and say things like 'I am not playing, I Aughborough in dye he nu stUtellaCill from the club". he is playing in my place instead' BUSA knockouts. It is believed that the mole was There is no malice involved. It was fhich. not in the squad for the game. not said against Dennis or anyone at although it was at first alleged that Leeds. It AN as just two . players former Palace player Shaun Derry talking.- These comments therefore was the culprit. Derry has since come render the Leeds Manger's outburst out and publicly denied the that the player will never wear a allegations. Goalkeeper Graham Leeds shirt again a little extreme. Stack has joined Derry in denying The whites have enough to worry week the about as they teeter on the verge of Former Crystal Palace player Derry has denied the allegations Despite this, Leeds still managed dropping into the third tier of English PHOTO: Google

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Leeds Student www.leedsstudent.org.uk Friday, February 16, 2007 23

BUSA Knockout Draw Reaction to the draw Good week Men's Badminton I The draw for the knockout rounds of played Aberdeen beton:. so we are v University of Glasgow I Men's Hockey IV the BUSA sports competitions was uncertain of what standard they are v University of Worcester I made this last Wednesday. All the but we're confident alter a good Men's Badminton II I cetls University teams who had season. We're at home, is Melt is qualified for the nest stage found alit ay s good, so we Fancy our v University of Teeside I Women's Hockey I who they would has e to face on their chances. It •s good to have a change England Cricket v University of Bristol I road to a prospective BUSA as normally we only play siindar England cinnpicit, Women's Badminton I championship, learns like Manchester,- their astomis4g v Imperial College London 1 Men's Squash I Following. Wednesday 's draw Upon hearing of the draw against revival by winning The Leeds. Student' Sport caught up %snit the University of Fast Anglia. first two games of the v University of Glasgow I a rent if/ ihe people is Iii would he Women's Football club captain false ben of three final Men's Basketball I Involved In see what they thought Burgess said they are "really really ' against the old enemy v Aberdeen University I Women's Squash I hooking torwlad to it. We've never Atinalia. Paul v Aberdeen University I played the Univeristy East Annlia Collmosisid stars. scoring 100 in Ihe Basketball I before so it will he a good challenge fn.! c,In4 111,1 7(1 111111e second, Women's for us. On a personal note. I live v University of StAndrews I Men's Table Tennis close to the u•1 'hal will he Darrell Anderton ,11S, CO v University of Warwick I CO01 as well ti hat-trick ol tits Men's Football I Tom Ciinty, the Men' s •■■L.,li v University of Nottingham I Men's Tennis I captain. also gave as his t tei‘, on Ittiumeintnith !heir draw with the Univeristy of Orieni v Aberdeen University I Birmingham. saying "Birmingham Saturday. Ii Men's Football III are very strong. probilbly. Me second games hir the toriner v University of York I Women's Tennis I hest team in the counits up there Tonenhum star ni hn with Loughborough. Ii doesn't help the net three times in v Loughborough University I Men's Basketball go up against ihai uwa)., there is a lot itgainst line game. k:0 eye Women's Football I Aberdeen IS but we hits,: nothing to lose, Chemes above felinity teatime One v Univerisity of East Anglia All ties to be played 21 their chances were We're going to go there hopefully strugglers Orion February The Men's Basketball team rind lake tots of supporters and enjoy ttn, themselves with a home tie against game- Men's Hockey Aberdeen Uniscristy and we spoke Good luck to all the teams Itt ilia to Captain Neil Smith about the nesi round News im how they no! The French v Univeristy of Birmingham I team's chances. -We' ve never on in nest V4eCk - S Vincent Clerc'c last gasp try gave France a 20-1 ....1,1ry over the Celtic warriors Cyclists look to Irish. The try voiled what would have been an stay on top emotional t.ictriry at dethrone Kings Croke Park. The victors also put', them scramble for a career-high three Leeds Uniiversny ()ding Club arc competes as a real0 Through top of the Six Na4on4 table. American Football rushing scores. This included one long looking to make sure that medohs or'gallisira and Leeds Celtics 54 - 0 Sunderland run from near the halt-way line such as the Bronze medal won in the 141 Fri sessnins the club is looking tit Kin: following a fake hand-off to Imzurn, BUSA Cyclueross championshipsm p r r 14 ,1111.1iit'c. is the board which distracted the defence for tong this weekend. t see back pee i do not through ployiding support sets 'Les By Adam Reath English Rugby enough fin. Pinney to outrun everyone become a 'hung ■It the' past. Anions that iiiheruIse would not hate hero knglanit scrappy to the endzone. Salmon and Director of Spoil Leeds as:111.4111e mainly due to the vtinors a very In the second hull back-up Stewart Ross informed its of s :Issoehited cost mid develim ri The Leeds Celtics continued then eon-venni e Italy side Alessandro Perm:inn came in at seminar and coa which was stronger team and not just strong form by putting up over 40 hotight fails back quarterback and scored a touchdown done in coniumtion pall more Inlivitluats. points on their opposition for the down to earth with a of his own to make up for three that lie . supports sert ices henna nitiered ill Leeds have consistently topped the fourth game in a row, and once again hump last Szinirday. missed out on last week due to clubs around Mc t nio.ersity. BUSA Cycling medal table tor the keeping a dean sheet. In their last They did still ss in and home game of the regular season. and penalties. Leeds CniVirSity Cyching Club List three years with Championship The day really belonged to the Johnny didn't strip with the play-offs now a certainly, it and Sport & Physical Activits put on wins in all events from Time defence though. Luke Bratield was kicking the points. was a shame that the Celtics did 1101 a new and original knew this week Cyclo Cross, Hill Climbs once again a colossus in the centre of Not all bail then. get 0 play cm their own Graveyard with a day's seminar and Cr and most notably the Mountain Bike the defensive line and notched up two pitch due to it allegedly being from two in the top sources in health BLISA held in March. With this on and a half more sacks and seven unplayable. Nevertheless. Leeds began tackles for loss. The Celtics' complex and fitness for cseling. Long term mind the need to offer these support the game strongly and continued to club sponsor and fitness consultant tiers ices to those new to the sport is dominate, and hard hitting defence was all over Leeds United despite admirably Man Hart of Tprq Furless was in essential to carry on the success to determined the Kings all day long and even Despite healing resistance from attendance along with Sport & build a strong medal winning team. Sunderland. defensive tackle Jake Anthony got an Crystal Palace interception. Physical Activity authority on The principles of this day could be Led by their quarterback James 2-1 at the Rookie Ian Rounce, playing in his Strength Conditioning Training. Mike applied to other sports- clubs and we Putney. who is having a great season. weekend 71.' new hybrid position, somewhere Mutely, would strongly encourage' teams to the Celtics" high-powered offense kept United stay between defensive end and outside The aim of the day was to give all take the initiative and organise a ruined to the linebacker, was another Celtic to have levels of athlete from beginner to relevant session taking •advantage or bottom car the a career day- He was everywhere and aspiring elite racers a better support through Sport & Physical Championship. his performance svas highlighted with understanding and knowledge of Activity or sourcing it directly as a Also, Dennis WiA' sensationally one massive hit which brought about vcientifie principles pertammg club. revealed after the match that one of his sharp intakes of breath, and no small cycling, These included training Thanks goes to Spar' & PhySieal rs haul handed team amount of sympathy from both theory, performance nutrition. energy Activity In assisting with the day and (Iwo playe inrOmiation to Crystal Palace_ A club in sidelines tow the Sunderland player On systems. per iod providing the facilities, Mike . Morely crisis? Ike reeds mg end. supplementation and training with for his excellent advice and strength With tough-tackling safety Ed power, along with practical sessions conditioning programs and Man Hart Payne and ball-hawking cornerback Pedro Mendes on how to optimise strength and for his cnnonand support for the club Man Parrish also getting interceptions, Thc Pi,inlacy plover condition to imprint performance. and personal imining guidance. the Celtics offence was given good is in the %Lin give better technique and prevent All those who went along to the held position which they took. agnklISI ManeheYer injury. seminar -commented on what a advantage of, Rob Patchett and veteran City once again. In the thick of II Cycling by its very mum: is an positive experience it had been, one Danny Thompson also made some Despite them PHOTO individual event and therefore a lot of Cyling Cluh member was quoted as Stacy GailoWaY awe•inspiring hits I off another selling Ben hitting the training is done with a personal saying, 'I really enjoyed the way the satisfying day for Phan:her to the ball on the ground early On against program in mind and often with the whole session got us to think about the Kings due to terrible weathei Celtics. Clturhon. Joey . individual on their own Unlike other taking oursels es much more sellOUSly monitions. This allowed rampaging Leeds now boast t Barton raked his scoring offence in the League team sports that compete in weekly as riders, what ever level we felt we running back Adim Intzurn to have yet studs down Mendes'. tusk lc. sending tlta a win in their nest minds against. fixtures and where coaches are were ait. Thai it wasn't just about anothcr superb game. By the time the Portuguese rinillielder off on at .ireici int Newcastle they can secure home-tread assigned Mere can be a Lacking putting in the hours for training but final whistle was blown he had racked and leasing Han v Redloiapp Intim up four more touchdowns. advantage (or the play-offs, despite continuity at times within the squad, training more effectively Eve been toughest division in recommended to tram consistently Pinney meanwhile was also able to playing in the One of the most important sides in Britain. the club however is tit cr+u,tpt anion and steadily but until now I didn't level and BIISA events the squad really understand that en incept. Bad week Student Friday, February 16. 2007 Wheels of stee * Cycling team grab bronze at Cyclo championships

By David Wright tires around a short, muddy course to com- chains coining off. Richardson and Burnett plete as many laps as possible within an were at the centre of a frenzied crash, with hour. Richardson blowing a tyre while Burnett The Cycling Club picked up the team This year's event took place near Lin- was lett on the line franticly fixing his hike bronze medal al the BUSA Cyclocrciss coln arid attracted some very talented watching the leader cycle into the distance. Championship this week, adding more sil- cyclists, some of whom are surely pitif- All other Leeds riders begun relatively well. verware to an already impressive trophy sionals of the future. Leeds University Mas- leaving Richardson to run 100 metres for his caltuet. ters student and cyclocross expert Tony spire bike and Burnett still to start the race, The team entered this year's BUSA Salmon was among the race leaders from The long. muddy climb linked with the Cyclocross event with a lot to live up to. the start. He finished ninth behind some of technical sections made this one of the most having won team the gold medal for the last the best young cyclists in the UK, including challenging courses. Leon Foks and John two years as well as individual medals in World Student Games competitor and win- Shube.rt's bikes were victims of the muddy this event. Cyclocmss is the second event in ncr of last year's BUSA event Mark Thwait- conditions, whilst Steve Adeshead battled Imagine developing a transport system the BUSA cycling calendar and after a es of Leeds Metropolitan University. on to the finish, despite an illness. Rowan strong performance at the BUSA hill climb Thwaites was beaten to the gold medal by Leary competed in his first race and after a for millions of people. in October. where they came away with Southampton's Ross Adams this time gruelling hour of racing, Leeds scooped the third place. hopes of keeping Leeds on the around. leant bronze medal with Swansea taking the Imagine keeping it safe, fast and reliable. podium were high. The start of the race was chaotic with a gold. Leeds team was Tony Salmon. Cap- Cyclocross is a relatively unknown dis- pack of 50 riders racing to the fiat cornet tain John Richardson and Tim Burnett_ Imagine a graduate scheme that lets you. cipline which can he best described as fast, When a rider its the middle of the pack The next challenge is the BUSA moun- furious and filthy. It consists of riding what decided to go over his handle bars, it caused tain bike championships taking place in are little more than road bikes with knobbly confrontation. with elbows flying and Match. Now stop imagining.

Graduate Opportunities within Transport for London TfL manages. develops and integrates the capital's transport network, from buses, roads and the Tube to trams, trains, cycle paths and the river. No other organisation faces the kind of challenges we face. Or affects the lives of so many people in such a visible way. So join us on the journey. We have opportunities to suit graduates from a wide range of backgrounds across our organisation, including business analysis. project management. engineering, transport planning and information management. Full details of all the schemes and how to apply are at tfl.gov.uidgraduates Please note that the final deadline for all applications, except Civil Engineering and Commercial Management is February 19th. 2007. We want to be as diverse as the city we represent and welcome r lications from everyone, regardless of age, ge nicity. sexual orientation, faith or disability.

OR OF . Transport for London LONDON •Or MEDAL PEDAL: Richardson on course to heap Leeds Uni grab team bronze

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