Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press Nordic countries suchasSweden.Nordic countries the number ofdivorces (Kaufmann, torise started 2008). highin Itisparticularly The proportion of singles in Western populations has grown since the 1960s, when Introduction by allowingfor singleswithpartners. challenges normativeshows that this latter conception also notions of coupledom, for example, from inunderstanding of stressingsociability singles’ theimportance Apart activities, thearticle mate, orfound actual satisfaction in acommunity of singles that superseded the need for a partner. understanding themselves asinneedof proxy interaction, social they eitherintendedtofinda contact,social themselves used the participants activities sometimes differently. Rather than a singles’ association. Itargues thatwhile theorganisers talkedaboutsingles’ needsfor therapeutic casesoftwo singles’ activitiesinSweden –acompany arranging singles’ cruises andfestivals, and negotiating singledom. Using Simmel’s concept of sociability, presents an analysis the article of singles within relations to others andto a community, and are becoming sites for performing and activities catering tosingleshasincreased. arguesThis article thattheseactivitiesare situating ofAs theproportion singlesgrows inSweden, thenumber of commercial andnon-commercial Daneback, 2006; Henry-Waring and Barraket, 2008; Heinoetal, 2010; Krauseand datingsitesare perhapsthebestknowninternet andresearched (Arvidsson, 2006; as agroup. Commercial andnon-profit activities forthe. are arranged Amongthese, key words without further permissionprovided theoriginalwithout further isattributed. work The derivative donotneedtobe works Print ISSN20467435• Online ISSN20467443•https://doi.org/10.1332/204674317X15015138368221 To citethisarticle: Henriksson, (2019)Singles’A. activities: andtheambiguities of sociability THEMED ISSUE: Relationship expectations: normative ideals, practice change andsocial singledom • coupledom • Simmel • social needs•heterosexuality singledom•coupledomSimmelsocial •singles’ activities Families, Relationships andSocieties•vol 8•no137–52©Policy Press 2019 Singles’ activities: andthe sociability Karlstads Universitet, Karlstad, Varmland, Sweden 1 singledom, Families, Relationships andSocieties, 8(1): 37–52, Andreas Henriksson, [email protected] permits adaptation, alteration, reproduction anddistribution for non-commercial use, NonCommercial 4.0 license (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/) which NonCommercial 4.0license(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/) This article isdistributed under the termsofThis article the Creative Commons Attribution- Accepted for publication20July 2017•First publishedonline03 August 2017 ambiguities of singledom DOI: 10.1332/204674317X15015138368221 licensed onthesameterms. • sociability •tactfulness • sociability article 2 Heterosexual singles are diverse demographically 37

Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press from two suchofflinesingles’ activities. in communities and/orsocialinteraction, by onobservations andinterviews reporting and Simpson, 2013). groupthe lack of relationships that traditionally defines the (Simpson, 2005; Jamieson speaks of the need to situate singles in the relationships they have and to look beyond and non-profit singles’ activities incontemporary lives. Atthesametime, research 2008; Gebhardt et al, 2010). Previous studies have not addressed the role of commercial (Cargan, 1981; DePaulo and Morris, 2006; Tomasek, 2006; Nordin, 2007; Reynolds, singles. Kowalksi, 2013). However, offlineactivities of also existandengagelarge numbers in late 19th-century in late19th-century hasbeenlinked tojournals,America pubs, clubs andapartments commercial institutions forthatgroup. For example, thehighnumber ofbachelors 2000; Bologne, 2004). connectlargegroupsof singlestoculturaland Historians Western societies, but subsequently fellaftertheSecond World War (Chudacoff, and early20thcentury, singleswas especially highinmany thenumber ofunmarried are not unique to the late 20th and early 21st century. the late 19th century During context by drawing parallelstosimilarly, albeitnotidentically,groups. defined activity. However, inthisspecificsection, andcontemporary Isketch theirhistorical in thisarticle, Ihave studiedpeoplewhoself-identify assingleby goingtoasingles’ in theconcept ‘single’ becomeevident (Simpson, 2005: 13). Intheresearch presented of singles, and cross-country comparisons When doing historical inherent the vagaries Situating singles’ activitiesincurrent research or identity ‘single’, whichisoftendefined by needs. reference toimagined to need, Simmelcanalsohelptoshow how sociable activities relate tothefuzzylabel community, socialinteractionforitsown sake, anddating. Byconnectingsociability As such, Simmel’s concepthelpstoanalyseatypeofactivity thatwavers between motives intents.and how tension with ulterior and longer-term it stands in fruitful of GeorgSimmel. The conceptcentres ontheneedforsocialityitsown sake embrace bothrationales. ortomake singlelifebetter,for friendship focusondating. others Many activities that therationalesbehindsingles’ activities oftenvary. While somegroupsare formed (Chudacoff, 2000). From Chudacoff’s work and from my interviews, it is evident get-togethers forsinglesin19th-century America institutionsarranging and religious exclusively andhotelscatering tobachelors,mentions bars aswell associalworkers singles. Singles’ activities are notanew phenomenon. Howard Historian Chudacoff activities forvarious andisorganisedexplicitlyexclusivelythat gathers for association asacommunity. framing by makingcommentsindicative ofsexual intents, orembracedthesingles’ activities astherapy andasachanceforcoupledom, challengedthat someparticipants different of singledom.versions I show framed singles’ that while the organisers of suchsingles’boundaries activities, are andorganisers alsoperforming participants In this article Iwant singles’In thisarticle toexamine contemporary activities thatsituatethem The bodyofresearch onsingledomisgrowing, but isstillcomparatively limited High proportions ofsinglesorsimilargroups, forexample, thosewhoare unmarried, I explore singles’ activities usingtheconceptofsociabilityfoundinwork A singles’ ormoregroup activity stable couldbedefinedasatemporary ofpeople Andreas Henriksson 38 3 Myargumentisthatinnegotiatingthe Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press understand singles as relating to existing norms in ambiguous ways. singles as relatingunderstand to existing norms Creating singles’ and Budgeon, 2004; Budgeon, 2008; Edwards andGillies, 2012). These academics pushing ‘beyond thefamily’, ways transfiguring ofbeingheterosexual innovation.become thebasisforresistance andnorm (Kaufmann, 2008). Itistherefore relevant toaskwhatextentsingles’ activities may study shows how singlewomen are intheireveryday confronted withthisnorm lives societies (DePaulo andMorris, 2006; Budgeon, 2008). A French phenomenological alternative torelationships. also possible thatsingles’ towards activities cancontribute makingsingledomavalid also allow outsideofcoupledom. more women security toexperience However, itis possible thattherelative strength ofthewelfare stateinSweden, forexample, may are probably more likely toequatesingledomwithenhancedrelational agency. Itis may beinvolved. Having secured financialandprofessional independence, women between results seemtoindicatethatthe women’s economicalandeducationalstatus alternative tounequalrelationships (Evertsson andNyman, 2013). Comparisons from Sweden concludesthattheinterviewed women didview singledomasavalid singledom (Jamieson, 1988; Tomasek, 2006; Morris, 2015; Strijbosch, 2015). A study many ofrelationships singlewomen andare keen embracetraditionalforms toescape empowering. studiesonthisissue, Empirical however, show ambiguousresults, where prefer singledombefore unequalrelationships andembracetheirstatusassingles more women shouldfeelempowered toleave. Onthisaccount, singlewomen would of individual choice, whichmakes unequalrelationships more difficulttosustain– gender equality(Giddens, 1992). According to Giddens, relationships becomeamatter 1990s pronouncement thatintimacywas transforming, to asitpertained particularly activities.Singles figured inthediscussionsthatfollowed Anthony Giddens’ early how singledom, people understand and that similar processes are active in other singles’ themselves andothers. datingalsoshifts toassumethatinternet Itisnotfar-fetched activities forsinglesmayin certain have animpactontheway peoplethinkof Heino etal, 2010). datingshows Research thataccesstoandparticipation oninternet ofromance datingalsoshiftsunderstandings (Arvidsson,internet 2006; Illouz, 2007; likeclose relationships theUSandSweden, incountries have sociologists asked if last 10years. ways Quicklybecomingoneoftheprincipal inwhichpeopleinitiate Evertsson andNyman, 2013). embedded (RoseneilandBudgeon, 2004; Budgeon, 2008, 2016; Kaufmann, 2008; both sustainandchallengerelational andsexualnorms, andhow thisispolitically research. sociological in contemporary focushasbeenonhow Sociological singles periods, scant attentionhasbeen paid tocommercial andnon-profit avenues forsingles couplesorhaving onlyhappenedforthesake sex. offorming historically singles’ activities have largelycometoincludebothwomen andmen, somethingthat 1992; Bologne, 2004; Ulvros, 2004). inlaterdecadesisthat A shiftthathasoccurred FranceandSwedenbeen identifiedinlate19th-andearly20th-century (Artaeus, liveable and culturally accepted. Similar institutions, albeit not as well researched, have averitable bachelors’formed culture, but alsohelpedmake thebachelorlifestylemore group specificallytothat(Chudacoff,catering 2000). Theseinstitutionsnotonly Queer theorists andrelated academicshaveQueer theorists investigated heterosexual singlesas asthenormative modelforcloserelations in hasbeen described The family Western dating, exceptionisinternet An important onwhichresearch hasblossomed inthe tosingles’ ascribe thatsomehistorians cultureDespite theimportance inearlier Singles’ activities 39 (Roseneil Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press this aspectaswell. researchers’ singledomrelationally presumably calltosituatecontemporary includes among singles themselvescommunities are that form not examined, although the networks ofsingles. andfriendship focus onthefamilies However, networks or networks ofrelations (Simpson, toothers 2005; Jamieson andSimpson, 2013). They an alternative tothetraditionalheterosexual family. andmakefamily singledomavalid andliveable lifestyleonitsown, presenting itas other hand, suchinstitutionsmay alsoprovide singleswithcommunity outsideof dating,centred onfacilitating they may work toupholdheteronormativity. Onthe activities canbeseenasequallyambiguous: ontheonehand, iftheseactivities are In histextSociology ofsociability, Sociability Durkheim has, forexample, argued thattheconceptofsociability, or ageneralhuman foreveryoneworry involved. ina sociableand thattheinclusionofindividual situationthusbecomesa strivings Miller, 2015); rather, hearguesthatsociabilityalways creates ambiguousboundaries, Simmelassayinginterpret thatsociabilityalways (cf excludes individual strivings from lifebut have itstill’ (Simmel, 1949: 261). Itistherefore notentirelyto correct they are nevertheless init, immersed or, as Simmelwrites: ‘in themwe are released being tactless. Therefore, from asanctuary everyday whilesociabilityoffers life, and playful without risking ways them back into the game of pure form to bring inthatthey allowas pure form misesenscènethatleave outeveryday concerns. a given situation. Tact may bepractisedthrough play andart; theseSimmeldescribes word – remindersofeveryday differences are seenassignsoftactlessness. Simmelusesthe is evident from theway inwhichpeopletreat eachotherequitably inthosesituations tothe situation,exterior respectively. content, that is, a focus on socialising in the situationitselfand a focuson content tothesituation. external purposes and Hethusoperateswithadichotomy ofform discussion –andavoid whathecalls ‘individual content’, whichroughly translatesas the social situationbefore self-interests. According toSimmel, peopletherefore focuson an endinitself, andthatinbeingsociable withothers, theindividual needstoputthe reason, Simmelargues, isthatthehumandesire torelate makes toothers sociability aside,must putourindividual concerns atourattemptstosocialise. orelsefail The one hand, and desires and individual on the other. strivings When we are sociable, we communities.becoming more permanent phaseoflife, placesforsociabilityamongpeopleinacertain non-permanent and it, speaksdirectly tosingles’ activities and how they vacillate between becoming (1949). ofthisdesire Iarguethathisunderstanding orneed, andtheways we satisfy associations insociety, looserormore stable, we findthehumandesire tobesocial Lynn Jamieson andRoonaSimpsonhave examinedhow singlesare situatedin Sociable situations may motives. lend themselves tosuspicionsofulterior Émile However, ofpeopleare seldomleftoutentirely. thedailyaffairs artful People find andcontentinsociableSimmel arguesthatthedistinctionbetween situations form Simmel draws a distinction between an innate human desire for being social on the ofthesocialwhenthey areform sociable –forexample, discussionforthesake of for the ability to at least simulate the exclusion of extrinsic concerns from concerns tact fortheabilitytoatleastsimulate theexclusionofextrinsic 4 GeorgSimmelarguesthatbehindthemultitude of Andreas Henriksson 40 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press situation contentthatisnotimmediatelyavailable toallparticipants. play andartfulness, framingsofthesituationmay have motives ulterior thatgive the exists intensionwithagroup’s senseofcommongoals. orhelptoopenupthegroupnew members.such formation However, italways setting commongoals. ofagroup, Sociabilitycanthusforego theformation hinder tothesituation.take oncontentexternal Itthusexcludesplanningforthefuture and aims (cfHetherington, 1998). socialising, and that such needs make sociability anend initself, in contrast to ulterior Maffesoli here comes closetoSimmel’svery argumentaboutthehumanneedfor abouthowtocommunities:like ourageturns MichelMaffesoliwrites literature onthisphenomenondoesnotusetheword ‘sociability’, but asociologist withsocialsituationsasendsinthemselves.have toandexperimented turned The social groupings. motives, Ratherthanusingsociable situationsforulterior groupings years have somesociologists identifiedashiftinsocialinteractionand relations among or motives, despiteclaims to tactfulnessamongparticipants.Nevertheless, inrecent sociable situationshave beenanalysedashiding underlying interests (oftenrightly) domestic, professional, national’ (Durkheim, 1984: 27). Similarly, sociology, incritical nowhere. What existsandwhatisreally – alive ofsolidarity are thespecialforms ability toconnectwithothers, istooabstractsothat ‘sociability perseismetwith chosen during the observations.chosen during Around half ofthemcontactedmeon site andwanted activities). lastedbetweenThe interviews each. 1and2hours The interviewees were consisting ofamanandwoman, theobserved singles’ during thathadformed were (two recorded outwith couples were interviews andtranscribed carried with 2-hour interview Victor. Inaddition, witheleven eightinterviews participants frequented ofSwedish offlinesingles’ activities among myinterviewees in general. whom I interviewed. Victoria’s and Victor’s as being among the most are also described offlineactivitiesto measimportant by ofpopularbooksonsingles,two authors singles. and Victoria Victor’s activities were chosenbecausethey hadbeenmentioned Few companies orassociations, datingsites, from apart internet cater exclusively to names oftherespondents inthearticle. by amanI nickname Victor. and Victoria Victor are bothpseudonyms, asare allthe I call Victoria. I also went to an evening dinner with a singles’ association, founded singles’ andasingles’ cruise conference lastingthree days, by awoman botharranged and wereorganisers recorded in observation protocols. atwo-day during I participated by outatactivities two observations arranged Three were participant different carried Methods Importantly, sociability is not immune to manipulation; although presented as Sociability istheplayful interactionbetween andartful individuals thatdoesnot Two outwith were lasting1.5and3hours interviews carried andone Victoria Activities inSweden, forsinglesare arranged but notmany oftheseare recurring. – physical contactwithoneanother. (Maffesoli, 1996: 16) the communal ethic has the simplest of foundations: warmth, companionship than by theexecution inactuofthe “being-together”. Ineveryday language, less by towards a project… characterized (pro-jectum) oriented the future Singles’ activities 41 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press to develop cliquesthatwould subsist beyond situation, thecurrent are participants as sustaining sociability among the participants.interpret Rather than being allowed to speeddating. the events, dynamic during This creates a certain whichIwould that is the constant shifting of social constellations, arranges Victoria something akin illustrates,As the scene just described inherent the logic in most of the activities sometimes prompted metomake individual introductions. However, lateandhadnotheard aboutmy arrived someparticipants research, which research. Ipresented myself, orhadmyself presented, ofeachactivity. atthestart in relevant fieldsof research andtheory. content analysiscombiningextensive andreading ofliterature reading ofthematerial create a set of keywords that helped the initial interpretation. Subsequently, I used and menequallyrepresented, seven interviewees were women andfourwere men. for example, asingles’ during activity dinner. Although Iattemptedtohave women to beinterviewed. Iasked therest afterIhadacquaintedmyself withtheminformally, sexuality ormatching. Inow take eachactivity inturn, with starting Victoria’s. focused onsocialisingforitsown sake, ratherthanasplacesfor, forexample, seduction, attempted tosatisfythrough theirrespective activities. They theseas thusunderstood they organise. They identifiedaneedforsocial relating amongsingles, aneedthey founder ofthesingles’ association, Victor, hadtherapeuticambitionsfortheactivities show thatboththeorganiserofsingles’ andconference, cruise Victoria, andthe According toSimmel, sociabilityisgroundedinaneedtobesocial. Inthissection, I Therapeutic ambitions Exploring singles’ activities During my observations, participant During Iwas always asopenpossible aboutdoing Around andobservation halfoftheinterviews protocols were codedinvivo to During thesingles’During conference, Imadethefollowing observations: my fielddiary) and changetable assoontheorganiser, Victoria, passesby. faces aroundis reflected inthe thetable whenpeopleprepare tostand up sit withwhomever we choose. Nevertheless, oftheconference thelogic andsustain.to form lunch,At this particular out we itturns are allowed to over three days, inaway anditis arranged thatmakes socialcliquesdifficult we are speeddatingallthetime. socialeventThis isanarranged stretching same people. Even though we never sense, speed dated in a formal it feels like to changeplaces, chatwithnew acquaintances, andavoid stickingwiththe dinner. And throughout the days’ events, we have continuously been asked In thatway, coupleswere more orlessrandomlyselectedtosittogether for a shoeeachtobarrel, from whichthementhenhadtodraw ashoeeach. is areasonable assumption; theprevious night, allwomen hadcontributed together. Most seem to think we’re about to be ordered to other tables. It It’s lunch, and we speculate on whether we will be allowed to continue sitting I’ve seatedmyself Ihave withagroupofparticipants socialisedwithearlier. Andreas Henriksson 42 (extract from Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press group. Here follows anextractfrom my observations: might feelexcludedorfinditdifficultto relationswithinthe navigate theintricate nothing like ofthesingles’ thespeeddatinglogic conference orcruise. A newcomer as acommunity, tobesociable tonew andalthough peopletry members, there is intimacy. asamodeofinteractionthatdownplaysThis sociabilitycouldthusbeinterpreted mode ofrelating, openuptoothers. asthey donotdemandthatparticipants insofar to others. Inthissense, associable becomealessintimate theactivities thatIdescribe providing community forpeoplewhoare notentirely ready toopenthemselves up recognise theselfasindependentofpastrelationships. Heractivities are framedas Here, aneedamongsinglestoleave imagines theiroldhabitsbehindand Victoria tied to Victoria’s ofsinglesthemselves: understanding may otherwiseclog the socialsituation. That singlesneedtrainingwheelsiscertainly interaction itself, relationships that rather thanonthecomplexandoftenulterior provides withtrainingwheels, participants asitallows insofar themtofocusonsocial in the activities she perceives them as needing. In a sense, therefore, the shuffling According toher, thismakes tosocialiseandthuspartake iteasierforparticipants herevents arranges associable,Victoria whichincludesshufflingpeople around. This alsobecomesevident when compares heractivities tourbannightlife: Victoria shuffled around topurposefully remain relationallyunanchored beyond each situation. The the table describe how arethe table the members describe interrelated. There are many informal accommodate newcomers. As the evening progresses, around my informants explains tome, needto make and long-timemembers to more effort restaurant. The singles’ coherent group, associationisafairly onemember groupofaround integrated 30people thatmeetupattheappointed fairly The singles’ association dinner is an open event, but it is nevertheless a and endupinacorner.’ into sociallife. To thanifthey feelalittlebitclosertoothers gooutdancing Myactivities allowfrightened.… many people]totake stepout thefirst alone athome, this[shemeansone’s socialcompetence]disappears, you get move among people …soyou getsocialcompetencesimplyput. Ifyou sit However,open uptoothers.… Ithinkitis incredibly thatyou important when you’ve reached thatgoal, acceptingyourself asanindividual, thatyou go backtobeingandrespecting yourself, feelinggoodaboutyourself. It’s by gettingamorebegin mature lookatwhoyou are, your real self, andthen here.speak from experience When a relationship ends, you should probably ‘You’ll [withhabits]when you live beimprinted withsomebody. Well, Ialso recent activities shehashelpedtoorganise.] some kindofspeeddating.’ [Shegoesontoenumerate someexamplesof activities thatmake peoplemeet. Salsacourses, peoplehave totouch. Or people, they always sitingroupslike that, they don’t openuptoyou. Icreate ‘You know, ifyou gooutinStockholmonenight, you don’t meetany singles’ from associationisadifferent arrangement Victoria’s activities. Itserves Singles’ activities 43 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press transcending their specificsingles’ activity. Thus, promotes ofspeed asort Victoria immediate interaction between people, from concerns toextricate whichthey try ways. tothesituationinvarious deemed extrinsic concerns Bothfocusonthe sociable situation, create theseorganisers milieusexclusively forsinglesthatexclude singles, andorganise theiractivities soastoaccommodate thatneed. To a facilitate ambitions in the light of Simmel’s argument. identify a need in Both organisers .for socialrelations assuigeneris Itispossible toread and Victoria Victor’s therapeutic tothatsituation. external concerns people’s becauseheunderstood This ispartly need the associationhadnotbeenable tokeep many newcomers. the association. by Hewas thelackofnewandbythat concerned members thefact feelwelcomenewcomers by avoiding placing them close to established within groups tothesituation.extrinsic Onemember, forexample, tomake toldmehow hetried what Simmelwould calltact, namely, attemptstodownplay contentininteraction cliques, makingitabitdifficulttobeincludedas newcomer. Nevertheless, there is interaction itprovides itsmembers. on ultimate aims or values. Rather, of social contact and it focuses on the forms sake. Muchlike Maffesoli’s communities withoutaproject, ithas littlefocus very Nevertheless, thesingles’ associationissomethingofacommunity forcommunity’s people’s lackofrelationships andavoiding singledom’s impactsonotherareas oflife. lies incommunity. For him, community becomesaway of compensatingforsingle change, interactionthatleadstopsychological temporary for Victor, thesolution While for thesolutiontosingles’Victoria lackofintimaterelations isopenand similar to Victoria’s theorganisation: forstarting also serves asanassociationandcommunity meeting. stretches beyond situation. thecurrent The activity isframedasasociable dinner, but and community, or, inotherwords, between that sociability and a sense of belonging At thesingles’ associationdinner, there istensionbetween opennesstonewcomers Simmel saw between sociability asdefined by aboundary the sociable situation and That said, thesingles’ form association sociabilityisambiguousinthatmembers When interviewed, the association’s founder therapeutic motivesVictor described those who’ve gotstuck. The associationisabitlike therapy.’ So you the vicious circle around.… can turn I want to mend people, help then your bossmightthinkyou’ve doneagoodjobandgive you araise. [for whattodoinyour spare time], you getcommunity andfriends. And a viciouscircle.… Ifyou joinoursingles’ association, you getaprogramme health deteriorates, worse you at work, perform your plummets – it’s salary this puzzle–asyou doinadivorce togowrong. –otherthingscanstart Your an acceptable income, goodhealth, leisure, friends. Ifyou loseonepieceof generosity, humaneness, andpositivity inothers. Then you needajob, afamily, of thesoul. Love isnotjustsex, it’s aboutconfirmation, experiencing ‘… we ofallneedlove [humans]first andcommunity, that’s thenourishment the table atwhichthey began theevening. (extractfrom my fielddiary) after dinner. Ispeaktoalotofdifferent people, but somedonotmove from However, peoplealsomake tomove consciousefforts around andmingle subgroups in dinner.the association and they seem to sit together during Andreas Henriksson 44 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press in ways thatwent countertotheorganisers’ intentions. activities. the associationthatoftenkeep theiractivities separatefrom theassociation’s official and travel. Nevertheless, groupswithin have members informal longer-term formed as beingwithoutanultimatepurpose, forexample, dinners, walks intheforest, theatre sociability isframedasproblematic. Thus, theactivities oftheassociationare arranged association isorganisedforthesake ofsocialityitself, tothat andcontentextrinsic communities forthesake thatreject future ofbeing together, orientation thesingles’ latter allows theassociationtoattractandretain new members. Like Maffesolian association andcreate tensionbetween community andopensociability, sincethe cliques. Nevertheless, whensuchcliquesform, forthe they appeartobeaconcern community for community’s sake. Unlike Victoria, heis not overly with concerned encounter between two centre-stage. strangers Victor, ontheotherhand, promotes dating logic, andwhichthusplacesthesociable whichmakes cliquesdifficulttoform and talked between somewhat agitatedly themselves. Joining them, that: Ilearned and strolled around between exhibits. However, ononeoccasiontwo menstoodaside exhibitions.art At bothofthesestops, seemedtoenjoy most participants themselves a topicofdiscussion, aslongthelattercanbekept motives. separatefrom ulterior in Simmel’s senseoftheword. Note, however, how suchintentionsdifferfrom sexas can usesociable situationsfortheirown ends, andthismakes suchmotives untactful about whenIasked themwhatthey hadsignedupfor). People motives withulterior ‘one nightstands’ thatthree menwholaughinglyleftoneof Victoria’s activities talked aproject,that they form amotive towards oriented somefuture goal(forexample, leave Victoria’s activities oftheirown accord orwere occasions. ostracisedonvarious was different. Men(forit was onlymen)whoexpressed suchdesires eitherchoseto occasions, asIwas asfar able tooverhear. However, having explicit sexual intentions events. andother social Sexwas dinners alsoanacceptable topicofdiscussionduring from asextoy store todisplay theirmerchandise oneofher inaseparateroom during oftactare alwaysthe boundaries aconcern. activities as such, but can nevertheless take on significance in sociable activities where gendered comments(here onwomen), commentsthatare problematicthe during gendered tactlessnessbeingcultivated here. This isatactlessnessinvolving negative wishedtouphold. and many participants Victoria Iarguethatthere was acertain with theactivities motives, introduced ulterior thesociabilitythat thusundermining singles’ events from theperspective ofimpliedsexualintents. This way ofengaging In thissection, Ishow how intheirutterancesframed someparticipants Victoria’s andgenderedSexuality tactlessness In thenexttwo sectionsIshow how peoplesometimesframedthesingles’ activities Victoria’s singles’ festival includeda ‘secret’ outtobetwo towhatturned bus trip asthreateningI would sociability, arguethatsexualintentscould bedescribed in Sex was notabsentfrom Victoria’s events. For instance, sheallowed arepresentative to take lifeasitcomes, it’s amatterofattitude, hesuggests. Still, agrees Lars it. however Lars emphasises thatoneshouldn’t betoonegative, you need interested inart. isnothingforme,Art says Greger, hecannotunderstand … they istoolongandneitherofthem boththinkthattheexcursion Singles’ activities 45 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press not unthinkable thattheshiftinsingles’ activities tomixed-gender events has been men has been and still is often marked by misogyny (Kimmel, 2009). It is therefore shift.marks asignificanthistorical The sociabilityofhomosocialsituationsamong 2000). singles’ that contemporary The fact activities mix women and men therefore or accommodationforspinsters, were notuncommon (Artaeus, 1992; Chudacoff, Historically, singles’ activities have often beenhomosocial – bachelors’ clubs and hotels, are ineachsituation. between synonymous withtheboundary contentandform groups. Simmeliantactlessness, however, was more commoninmen-onlygroups. ofheterosexual (although itseldomhadthatcontent)ormixed-gender courtship form groupsfind men-only during Victoria’s singles’ activities. Interactionoften took the intentions(offindinga situation asnotcongenialtohispersonal younger woman). art, namely, contentthathecannotunderstand, becausehe dismissesthe andpartly be saidtodisplay tactlessnessinthiscontext, contenttothe sinceheascribes partly that Greger, andOlofhave Lars exhibition. theirdiscussionatanart Greger could they are notinvolved ineveryday life. From thisperspective, itisnotsurprising and tactastiedtoplay andart; bothallow peopletointeractaboutsomethingthat referential, as, forexample, socialisingwhilelookingatart. sociability Simmel describes sociableare in themselves, particularly especially if they are void of content or self- always amatter ofperspective. However, situations itispossible toarguethatcertain to emptyallsituationsofindividual content, therefore suggestingthatsociabilityis sociable in and of themselves, and those that are not. In this regard, they could be said own attitudes. This meansthatthey make nodistinctionbetween situationsthatare individual motives anddesires. To them, sociabilityisforemost amatterofindividuals’ occasion. toadaptasituationandleaveThey suggestthatpeopleshouldtry outtheir to somedegree, upone’s giving own motivations forbeingthere. excluded from it. Sociabilityisaboutfittingin, adaptingoneselftothesituation, and, mate) canleadonenotonlytomanipulatingasociable situation, but alsotofeeling he getsfrom andOlof. Lars situation, where suchcontentissupposedtobeleftout, whichexplainstheresponse from theperspective of hisown wants. This is, however, problematic inasociable fills thesituationwithindividual content, it: asSimmel would describe hejudgesit his predicament from the perspective ofhisinterest inyounger women. As such, he it as a negotiation over motives ulterior in a sociable situation. Greger understands Let meunpackthisexchangeabittomake itmore understandable. Overall, Iinterpret The boundaries oftactlessness,The boundaries ifwe follow Simmel, are malleable becausethey There isalsoagendered layer tothisexchangeofopinions. Itwas notcommonto andOlof,Lars ontheother hand, couldberead asdefendingthesociabilityof Greger’s remarks show thathaving intentionsforthefuture (suchasfindingasuitable better offleaving. (extractfrom my fielddiary) he concludeshisargument, becauseifyou’re notenjoying yourself you are us, abouttakingasituationasitcomes. Well, aslongyou’re having fun, they were discontented. It’s about adapting yourself to the situation, he tells visiting himfrom Germany. Heoffered themmatrassestosleepon, but conversation. After a while, Olof draws parallels to when he had a family women here are tooold.Two menwithbeards, OlofandPeter, joinour average ageistoohigh; heknows heisoldhimself, hesays, but toomany istoolong.that theexcursion Greger ismore sceptical.…Hethinksthatthe Andreas Henriksson 46 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press which contemporary singles’which contemporary activities have belongedsinceafew decadesago. mixed-genderelement ingenderrelations situations, characterising to acategory sociability.of surface Gendered tactlessnessmay therefore constituteanimportant about the situation that are being pushed down (by people like Olof) for the sake tactless; however, itispossible thatthey asunofficial, may flourish truths uncouth attractive, forexample). his own motivation (ratherthansuggestingthatolderwomen generallyare less is Greger, whochosetophrase hisopinionaboutolderwomen asastatementabout themselves,the participants connectedtoindividual andtactlessmotives. An example singles’ activities, where were the genders mixed, men’s attitudes to women were, by genregendered ofutterances. tactlessnessbecomesanimportant During Victoria’s accompanied by oftactlessness, achangeintheunderstanding where acertain experienced each time a member becomes part of a couple and each time a member becomes part experienced of needed relationships. The association can exist as both, but the distinction is acutely solution to singledom,temporary or what some seeas a phase in life that robs people The singles’ bothasacontinuous community anda associationisseenandarranged the following inmy observation protocol: One night I was dining at a local restaurant with the singles’ association, and wrote Singles withpartners Petra: Me: singledom inaninclusive manner. evident thatPetra wanted todownplay ofherrelationship todefine the seriousness those who might haveparticularly had objections. As I interviewed her, it also became to theassociation, but sheadmittedtohaving kept itasecret from othermembers, relationship withanothermember. Petra herpartner isoneofthosewhohadrecruited Being phrasedandidentifiedasindividual content, thesekindsofcommentsare One ofthesingles’ Iinterviewed, associationmembers Petra, was inakindof any signsofaffection. (extractfrom my fielddiary) talk toabouttheirintimacy. At thedinnerthey sittogether, but donotshow and sothecouplesneedtobeextracareful aboutwhomthey to bestricter whomeetapartner.members would Somemembers prefer theassociation ablind eye tobediscreet andtheassociation turns couples try tolong-time totheassociation.their intimatepartner The result isacompromise; the do notwant toleave whenthey meetapartner. Somehave even recruited lives intheirpersonal many seetheassociationasimportant and members The associationonlyacceptssinglesasmembers. out,As itturns however, measodd.This strikes What are couplesdoinginasingles’ association? At thesingles’ associationdinner, several couplesare pointedouttome.

All thesmalldecisions thatneedtobetaken, you have no one have noone toshare your lifewith, or everyday lifeatleast. for single; hasconnotationsaboutliving alone]…isthatyou [literally, “standing alone”, oneoftheolderSwedish words ‘What you lackasasingle…so-called “single” orensamstående ‘So whatisittobesingle?’ Singles’ activities 47 continues as a member. Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press not as a lack of, but as access to, relationships. This is a positive, rather than negative offer sociabilityand/orcommunity, thismay leadtoits redefinition; it may figure as aphaseofneeds. Indeed, ifsingledomgives access toanumber ofactivities that arelationship.forming Inthiscontext, singledomisreconfigured assatisfaction, not in singles’find satisfaction when risk losingthat satisfaction activities and thatthey coupledom. This section has shown of the singles’ that members association instead intended tosatisfy. andsubvertthe potentialtooverride theneedsthatthey feltor were originally in whichneedsandsociabilityinteract, forexample, sothatsociable situationshave and sociability(1949). Ithinkoneway ways ofreading himemphasisestheintricate singles. However, Simmelnever asimplecausalconnectionbetween asserts needs socialneedsthatare,association cansatisfycertain according tohim, exacerbatedin This helpsusunderstand Victor’s argument, citedinaprevious section, that asingles’ for Petra. Itseemsithas is itpossible thatthemeaningofsingledomshiftsforparticipants? of singles’ activities forsingles. activities strengthen Ifcertain identityandcommunity, of singles’emphasises the importance activities. This speaksdirectly tothesignificance In definingsingledom, Petra tonesdown of relationships and theimportance how shedefinesherself: any significantextent. Thisallows hertoatleastsiton the fencewhen itcomesto if you donotlive andifyour doesnotshare withapartner your partner dailylifeto the definitionsofsingledomand relationship, suggestingthat you can remain single only employs astrategyofsecrecy aboutherrelationship, but shealsoengageswith This shows thatPetra, wanting toremain amemberofthesingles’ association, not Petra: Me: Victor constructs singledomasaphase ofsocialneedsthatare satisfiedinVictor constructs As arguedabove, Simmeldraws connectionsbetween sociabilityandsocialneeds. that solid.’ vacation together, although I travel on my own at times as well.… It’s not I have arelationship where we meetover weekends andperhapsgoona In oneway, Iamalone, I’mliving onmy own andhave fullresponsibility. ‘Well, it’s abit…. Idon’t really know how myself, Iunderstand to behonest.

before itwas allfinished.’ and I’ve notinvolved himatall. Ididn’t even tellhimaboutit around thehouseandthosehave beenmy decisionsentirely, still. Like now, forexample, I’ve beendoingsomerenovations Sure, Iknow he’s always there andthere’s somesafetyinthat. But and my otherrelatives. He’s andEaster. withusatChristmas that heiscommittedtomy children [Petra hasthree children] lot anddoesn’t want tomove inwithme. Well, it’s true, though, ‘Well, he wants to live alone. He’s a bit of a loner. He works a ‘What aboutyour present relationship?’ life with.’ yeah, it’s mainlytheabsenceofsomebodytoshare your daily to discussthemwith. And it’s quiteaneconomicburden. But Andreas Henriksson 48 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press Discussion andconclusions activities canredefine and reconfigure singledom. definition. ofneedsandsociabilityisthusatthecore Theinterplay ofhow singles’ by between themalleable boundary tactandtactlessness, may restructure andinturn waysin thecomplex andtortuous inwhichsingledom islived. Sociabilityisstructured communities are organised. may play Sociability roles andits arrangements important may remain so. identitiesare oftenconnectedtotheways Contemporary inwhich Whether ornotsingledomis thebasisforcommunity andidentityisundecided builds community in thepresent, projects (Maffesoli, ratherthanaslong-term 1996). other (and sometimes the same) activities tend towards the kind of being-together that these activities are andhave centred oncourtship coupledomas their ultimateproject, andpartakewhilesingle. inrelationalwith apartner satisfaction ofcoupledom–itmakeschallenge normative understandings itpossible tobesingle setsofrelationships andcommunities.people accesstocertain Suchadefinitionmay some individuals practise singledom as though it had a positive definition,giving and above members’ relationships comesclosetobeingsuchachallenge. Itseems in anunambiguousmanner, framingthesingles’ associationasacommunity over preferable tomany relationships. in ways single life as a sexually active that construed and satisfying lifestyle that is being aphaseofsocialneed, theactivities thusactedandspoke participants during activities thatchallengenotionsofsingledomaslack closerelationship. Ratherthan sake sociability. ofsurface asexpressingthe commentscaneasilybeunderstood widernotionsdeniedfor however, thatalthoughsociabilitywas re-established ofsuchtactlessness, intheface were expressed assexualinterests andwere perceived asthreats tosociability. Iargue, such typesofcommentsduring Victoria’s activities asgendered tactlessness–they situ observations, or asmixed with individual intentions. Generally, I would describe can beeithertactfulortactlessdependingonwhetherthey are framedasgeneralin of sociabilityandbecomeswhatSimmelcallstactless. Men’s commentsaboutwomen asindividual contentthatpresses beyondintentions canbedescribed theboundaries themmeaning.and giving dynamics, andpeople’s individual motivations, becamecentralinframingthe events Simmel, Ihave between arguedthattheboundary sociability’s inherent value and relation tosomebroader project, suchasmatchingpeople up forcoupledom. Using theireventsduring sociabilitywas seenashaving value inandofitself, ratherthanin among singles,and belonging whichtheiractivities were meanttosatisfy. Accordingly, the singles’ activities assitesforsociability. They identifiedaneedforsocialcontact tensions around thesingledomconcept. analysed two different typesofactivities organisedexclusively forsingles, andidentified ofsingledom. forms of contemporary UsingSimmel’s conceptofsociability, Ihave IhaveIn thisarticle arguedthatsingles’ activities placesforthestudy are important Currently, singles’ rise. on-andofflineactivities seemtobeonthe Whilesomeof While none of the activities investigated challenges coupledom norms in this article In thesingles’ association, singledomgave accesstoacommunity andto members However, framedthe events some participants differently thanthe organisers. Sexual The organisers, here named and Victoria Victor, asdescribing couldbeinterpreted Singles’ activities 49 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press proportion ofsingles. and choices (Berggren Trägårdh, 2015). This may helpexplain Sweden’s relatively high state gives individuals relative independence that allows them to make their own life citizenry. have Someauthors calledSweden’s welfare regime ‘state individualism’ –the and comparatively highlevels ofits thatallow ofprosperity forthefinancialsecurity Sweden combinesahigh meanageformarriage,prevalence historical ofProtestantism did not. may alsoempower Financialsecurity individuals tolive independentlyofothers. Catholicism andProtestantism, where thelatterallowed fordivorces whiletheformer ofEurope,In parts divorce laws andtraditionswere, inturn, traditionallyrelated to as well as traditional divorce practices, helps explain the number ofdivorcees in acountry. setting (Kaufmann, in a contemporary important 2008). The legal framework for divorces, (Hajnal, 1965). Onecanconjecture thatthenumber ofdivorces isequallyormore not often been discussed. Historically, has been important ahigh average age at marriage to routinised socialpractices. exclusively forsingles. Ialsoemploy theconceptofinstitutioninthisarticle, whichrefers dissertation. areAll remaining mine, errors naturally. for generously upherown spendinghertimeproofreading while writing thearticle Lindgren, Åsa Wettergren and Annika Jonsson. Grimbeek Ialsowant tothankMarinette to thankeveryone whowas involved inthatproject, notleastmy supervisors, Gerd related, toGesellschaft any itdoesnotcarry Tönniesian connotationsinthiscontext. Conflict ofinterest around needsandaround thevery nature ofsingledomitself. consideration ofactivities where singleswork together andwhere tensionsarise into coupledom in isolation. thevicissitudes of singledomdemands Understanding into this research project; however, online dating allows people to search fora way datinginthecontextofsingledom(Kaufmann,Situating internet 2012)may alsofit canalsobeinvestigated.in whichsinglesare onlyaproportion ofparticipants singles tomake asclearacasepossible; ofsingledomincontexts theunderstanding and singles’ activities. I have, for example, only focused on activities exclusively for relationships, notasoneofneedsandlack. the socialneedsofparticipants, and redefining singledomasaphaseofsatisfactions Arvidsson, A. (2006) ‘Quality singles’: datingandthework Internet offantasy, New Artaeus, I. somblev över. (1992)Kvinnorna Ensamståendestadskvinnorunder1800-talets References 4 3 2 1 Notes The authordeclares thatthere isnoconflictofinterest. Sociability istheEnglishtranslationofSimmel’s word Geselligkeit.etymologically Although The variance among populations with regardThe variance to their proportion of single people has Singles’ activities refer to all commercial and non-profit-organised activities arranged This article is based on data I collected as part ofmy isbasedondataIcollectedaspart PhDproject.This article Itherefore want This article has merely scratched the surface of the interrelations between oftheinterrelations hasmerely singledom scratchedthesurface This article Media &Society , vol 8, no4, pp671–90. the 1800s– A casestudy of Västerås], Uppsala: Acta Universitatis Upsaliensis. första hälft–fallet Västerås [Left-over women. thefirsthalfof Singleurbanwomenduring Andreas Henriksson 50 Delivered by Ingenta IP : 192.168.39.151 On: Sun, 26 Sep 2021 01:54:46 Copyright The Policy Press Kimmel, M. (2009) Guyland: New York: worldwhereboysThe perilous becomemen, Kaufmann, J.-C. (2012)Love online , Cambridge: Polity. 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