DOCSLIB.ORG

PW 369 Getting Over the Poly Hump

Total Page：16

File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb

Download full-text PDF Read full-text
PW 369 Getting Over the Poly Hump Poly Weekly 369: Getting over the poly hump Introduction Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com 1:00 Host chat with Minx, Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux • Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert are writing a book! Help fund their Indiegogo campaign to write it! • Check out the awesome new Beyond the Love conference, November 15-17 in ColumBus, Ohio. Educational sessions, social events like poly speed dating and poly prom and the attendee-directed poly summit! Use code polyweekly at checkout to save 10%! • I'm presenting at CatalystCon on how to Be a part-time sex educator Sept 27-29 9:00 Topic: Getting over the poly hump Franklin and Eve give advice! How did you come to accept and emBrace polyamory when it wasn't your idea? For those who didn’t originally self-identify as polyamorous, how did you deal with conflicting emotion and come to emBrace polyamory? • Recognize that your partner wanting polyamory is not about you. • Thank your partner for having the courage to Be honest about what he/she needs. • Acknowledge that the relationship has already changed, so resist the urge to hold on to what you used to have. • Accept that this exploration of polyamory may mean that the current relationship might end. • Recognize that you are empowered to leave the relationship if it doesn't work for you. • Find something in this new type of relationship for you that is a true Benefit, not a "grit-and-Bear-it" situation. • Finding someone to model successful poly relationships (like a poly support network) is essential. • Avoid the urge to control the polyamory with veto power or other restrictions. Listener responses: • GreedyPaul calls in to say that he came to emBrace polyamory when his mistress and her husBand showed him over the months that their relationship and communication were honest. • Jess wrote in to descriBe her first and second introductions to polyamory and that, despite initial freakouts, she is "poly and never looked Back." • IssaWalters, Shadalicious, PolyNirvana and ZenHeathen were all swayed By the logical arguments • And thanks to Les and Lisa for sharing their experiences on FaceBook 36:15 Happy Poly Moment • AggieSez shares a solo Happy Poly Moment • HeartWhisperer shared a HPM in which he felt compersion 41:00 Feedback • Vaughn on episode 361 comments that your polysaturation point changes over time • Vir mentioned a poly domestic fantasy novel Lifelode • A listener writes in to call Bullshit on something not mentioned on episode 364 on Being in love and vetoed: it's the responsiBility of the partner to stand up for the new relationship. The fact that the husBand defend his relationship in the face of his wife's communication Blockade was indefensiBle. He says if you're at the point of a vee, it's your joB to stand up for your new relationship as well as for your existing one. • Listener calls in to say that PW saved her and kept her sane! 53:30 Wrap up Questions? Comments? FeedBack? Email [email protected] and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.” .
Load more

Recommended publications
  • Modality Switching in Online Dating: Identifying the Communicative Factors That Make the Transition from an Online to an Offline Relationship More Or Less Successful
    MODALITY SWITCHING IN ONLINE DATING: IDENTIFYING THE COMMUNICATIVE FACTORS THAT MAKE THE TRANSITION FROM AN ONLINE TO AN OFFLINE RELATIONSHIP MORE OR LESS SUCCESSFUL BY LIESEL L. SHARABI DISSERTATION Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Communication in the Graduate College of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, 2015 Urbana, Illinois Doctoral Committee: Professor John Caughlin, Chair Professor Leanne Knobloch Associate Professor Karrie Karahalios Associate Professor Artemio Ramirez, University of South Florida Abstract Perhaps one of the most significant turning points in online dating occurs when partners decide to meet face-to-face (FtF) for the first time. Existing theory proposes that the affordances of the Internet can lead people to develop overly positive impressions of those they meet online, which could prove advantageous for relationships initiated on online dating sites. However, empirical evidence suggests that while such hyperpersonal impressions can intensify the development of mediated relationships, they can also result in disillusionment if the first date fails to meet both partners’ expectations. Accordingly, this dissertation set out to uncover the communicative factors responsible for more or less successful transitions offline. Drawing from the computer- mediated communication (CMC) and personal relationships literatures, the present study introduced a conceptual model of relationship success in online dating and tested it using a longitudinal survey design. Participants (N = 186) were surveyed before and after their first date with someone they met on an online dating site or mobile dating app. As part of the survey, they also supplied the emails they had sent to their partner so their communication could be observed.
    [Show full text]
  • Courting Trouble: a Qualitative Examination of Sexual Inequality in Partnering Practice
    Courting Trouble: a Qualitative Examination of Sexual Inequality in Partnering Practice The Harvard community has made this article openly available. Please share how this access benefits you. Your story matters Citable link http://nrs.harvard.edu/urn-3:HUL.InstRepos:40046518 Terms of Use This article was downloaded from Harvard University’s DASH repository, and is made available under the terms and conditions applicable to Other Posted Material, as set forth at http:// nrs.harvard.edu/urn-3:HUL.InstRepos:dash.current.terms-of- use#LAA Courting Trouble: A Qualitative Examination of Sexual Inequality in Partnering Practice A dissertation presented by Holly Wood To The Harvard University Department of Sociology In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in the subject of Sociology Harvard University Cambridge, Massachusetts May, 2017 © Copyright by Holly Wood 2017 All Rights Reserved Dissertation Advisor: Professor Jocelyn Viterna Holly Wood Courting Trouble: A Qualitative Examination of Sexual Inequality in Partnering Practice Abstract Sociology recognizes marriage and family formation as two consequential events in an adult’s lifecourse. But as young people spend more of their lives childless and unpartnered, scholars recognize a dearth of academic insight into the processes by which single adults form romantic relationships in the lengthening years between adolescence and betrothal. As the average age of first marriage creeps upwards, this lacuna inhibits sociological appreciation for the ways in which class, gender and sexuality entangle in the lives of single adults to condition sexual behavior and how these behaviors might, in turn, contribute to the reproduction of social inequality.
    [Show full text]
  • Preferences and Beliefs in the Marriage Market for Young Brides
    Preferences and Beliefs in the Marriage Market for Young Brides 1,3 2, 3 Abi Adams and Alison Andrew ∗ 1Department of Economics, University of Oxford 2Department of Economics, University College London 3Centre for the Evaluation of Development Policies, Institute for Fiscal Studies Abstract Rajasthani women typically leave school early and marry young. We develop a novel discrete choice method- ology using hypothetical vignettes to elicit average parental preferences over a daughter’s education and age of marriage, and subjective beliefs about the evolution of her marriage market prospects. We fnd parents have a strong preference for delaying a daughter’s marriage until eighteen but no further. Conditional on a marriage match, parents place little intrinsic value on a daughter’s education. However, they believe the probability of receiving a good marriage ofer increases strongly with a daughter’s education but deteriorates quickly with her age on leaving school. JEL Codes: J12; J16; I26. ∗Email addresses: [email protected] and alison [email protected]. We thank Nava Ashraf, Orazio Attanasio, Oriana Bandiera, James Banks, Teodora Boneva, Rachel Cassidy, Rachel Grifth, Willemien Kets, Sonya Krutikova, Hamish Low, Costas Meghir, Francisco Oteiza, Aureo de Paula, Imran Rasul, Gabriela Smarrelli, Anna Stansbury and Marcos Vera-Hernandez for helpful comments and feedback. We are enormously grateful to Abhishek Gautam, Hemlata Verma, Ronak Soni and Amit Kumar for invaluable support in developing and piloting this instrument and to Kuhika Seth for collecting insightful qualitative data. We would like to thank the Centre for Public Policy at the Institute for Fiscal Studies, the Children’s Investment Fund Foundation and the John Fell Fund, University of Oxford for generous fnancial support.
    [Show full text]
  • The Dark Triad and Attractiveness in Speed Dating
    European Journal of Personality, Eur. J. Pers. (2016) Published online in Wiley Online Library (wileyonlinelibrary.com) DOI: 10.1002/per.2040 How Alluring Are Dark Personalities? The Dark Triad and Attractiveness in Speed Dating EMANUEL JAUK1*, ALJOSCHA C. NEUBAUER1, THOMAS MAIRUNTEREGGER1, STEPHANIE PEMP1, KATHARINA P. SIEBER1 and JOHN F. RAUTHMANN2 1Karl-Franzens-Universität Graz, Austria 2Humboldt-Universität zu Berlin, Germany Abstract: Dark Triad traits (narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism) are linked to the pursuit of short-term mating strategies, but they may have differential effects on actual mating success in naturalistic scenarios: Narcissism may be a facilitator for men’s short-term mating success, while Machiavellianism and psychopathy may be detrimen- tal. To date, little is known about the attractiveness of Dark Triad traits in women. In a speed-dating study, we assessed participants’ Dark Triad traits, Big Five personality traits, and physical attractiveness in N = 90 heterosex- ual individuals (46 women and 44 men). Each participant rated each partner’s mate appeal for short- and long-term relationships. Across both sexes, narcissism was positively associated with mate appeal for short- and long-term re- lationships. Further analyses indicated that these associations were due to the shared variance among narcissism and extraversion in men and narcissism and physical attractiveness in women, respectively. In women, psychopathy was also positively associated with mate appeal for short-term relationships. Regarding mating preferences, narcissism was found to involve greater choosiness in the rating of others’ mate appeal (but not actual choices) in men, while psychopathy was associated with greater openness towards short-term relationships in women.
    [Show full text]
  • Can Anyone Be “The” One? Evidence on Mate Selection from Speed Dating
    IZA DP No. 2377 Can Anyone Be "The" One? Evidence on Mate Selection from Speed Dating Michèle Belot Marco Francesconi DISCUSSION PAPER SERIES DISCUSSION PAPER October 2006 Forschungsinstitut zur Zukunft der Arbeit Institute for the Study of Labor Can Anyone Be “The” One? Evidence on Mate Selection from Speed Dating Michèle Belot University of Essex Marco Francesconi University of Essex and IZA Bonn Discussion Paper No. 2377 October 2006 IZA P.O. Box 7240 53072 Bonn Germany Phone: +49-228-3894-0 Fax: +49-228-3894-180 Email: [email protected] Any opinions expressed here are those of the author(s) and not those of the institute. Research disseminated by IZA may include views on policy, but the institute itself takes no institutional policy positions. The Institute for the Study of Labor (IZA) in Bonn is a local and virtual international research center and a place of communication between science, politics and business. IZA is an independent nonprofit company supported by Deutsche Post World Net. The center is associated with the University of Bonn and offers a stimulating research environment through its research networks, research support, and visitors and doctoral programs. IZA engages in (i) original and internationally competitive research in all fields of labor economics, (ii) development of policy concepts, and (iii) dissemination of research results and concepts to the interested public. IZA Discussion Papers often represent preliminary work and are circulated to encourage discussion. Citation of such a paper should account for its provisional character. A revised version may be available directly from the author. IZA Discussion Paper No.
    [Show full text]
  • People Are Experience Goods: Improving Online Dating with Virtual Dates
    PEOPLE ARE EXPERIENCE GOODS: IMPROVING ONLINE DATING WITH VIRTUAL DATES JEANA H. FROST, ZOË CHANCE, MICHAEL I. NORTON, AND DAN ARIELY JEANA H. FROST is a Research Scientist e suggest that online dating frequently fails to meet user expecta- with PatientsLikeMe.com; W e-mail: [email protected] tions because people, unlike many commodities available for purchase online, are experience goods: Daters wish to screen potential romantic partners by ZOË CHANCE is a graduate student at the Harvard experiential attributes (such as sense of humor or rapport), but online dating Business School; e-mail: [email protected] Web sites force them to screen by searchable attributes (such as income or reli- gion). We demonstrate that people spend too much time searching for MICHAEL I. NORTON options online for too little payoff in offline dates (Study 1), in part because is Assistant Professor of Business Administration at the users desire information about experiential attributes, but online dating Web Harvard Business School; e-mail: [email protected] sites contain primarily searchable attributes (Study 2). Finally, we introduce and beta test the Virtual Date, offering potential dating partners the opportu- DAN ARIELY is Professor of Marketing at nity to acquire experiential information by exploring a virtual environment in The Fuqua School of Business, Duke University; interactions analogous to real first dates (such as going to a museum), an e-mail: [email protected] online intervention that led to greater liking after offline meetings (Study 3). This work is based in part on Jeana Frost’s doctoral dissertation at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
    [Show full text]
  • A Beginner's Guide to Cohabitation
    CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE EXAMINING THE PATTERNS AND IMPLICATIONS OF COHABITATION: A GUIDEBOOK FOR YOUNG ADULT COHABITING COUPLES A graduate project submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of Master of Science in Counseling, Marriage and Family Therapy By Tara Rodriguez December 2012 The graduate project of Tara Rodriguez is approved: _______________________________ _______________ Dr. Jonah Schlackman, Ph.D. Date _______________________________ _______________ Dr. Rie Mitchell, Ph.D. Date _______________________________ _______________ Dr. Dana Stone, Ph.D., Chair Date California State University, Northridge ii DEDICATION Dedicated to my beautiful grandma, June Marie Ward, who was always my biggest cheerleader and foundation of unconditional love. iii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS First I would like to thank my committee members who offered invaluable guidance and support throughout this process. To my chair, Dr. Dana Stone, you have been such an amazing mentor and supporter since our first meeting. Thank you for taking the time to thoroughly understand my vision and direct me in accomplishing it, as well as challenging me to think outside of the box along the way. I feel extremely fortunate and thankful to have had such an intelligent, committed, and patient person as the chair of my project. I also owe sincere gratitude to Dr. Rie Mitchell who has been an inspiring supervisor and supporter of my work. And thank you to Dr. Jonah Schlackman who has been a compelling professor and thoughtful editor. It is with great appreciation that I acknowledge the support, encouragement, and direction of these faculty members, without whom this project would have not been possible. Second I would like to thank my dear Care Bears.
    [Show full text]
  • Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Revisited
    Sex Differences Revisited 1 Running Head: SEX DIFFERENCES REVISITED Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Revisited: Do People Know What They Initially Desire in a Romantic Partner? Paul W. Eastwick and Eli J. Finkel Northwestern University Revision: 6-5-07 In press, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology KEYWORDS: sex differences, mate preferences, speed-dating, empathy gap, a priori theories Please direct correspondence to: Paul Eastwick Northwestern University 2029 Sheridan Rd., Rm. 102 Evanston, IL 60208 Phone: 773-484-3878 Fax: 847-491-7859 email: [email protected] Sex Differences Revisited 2 Abstract In paradigms where participants state their ideal romantic partner preferences or examine vignettes and photographs, men value physical attractiveness more than women, and women value earning prospects more than men. Yet it remains unclear if these preferences remain sex-differentiated in predicting desire for real-life potential partners (i.e., individuals whom one has actually met). The present study explored this possibility using speed-dating and longitudinal follow-up procedures. Replicating previous research, participants exhibited traditional sex differences when stating the importance of physical attractiveness and earning prospects in an ideal partner and ideal speed- date. However, data revealed no sex differences in the associations between participants’ romantic interest in real-life potential partners (met during and outside of speed-dating) and the attractiveness and earning prospects of those partners. Furthermore, participants’ ideal preferences, assessed before the speed-dating event, failed to predict what inspired their actual desire at the event. Results are discussed within the context of Nisbett and Wilson’s (1977) seminal paper: Even regarding such a consequential aspect of mental life as romantic partner preferences, participants may lack introspective awareness of what influences their judgments and behavior.
    [Show full text]
  • Gendering Desire in Speed-Dating Interactions
    Article Discourse Studies 13(4) 461–485 Gendering desire in © The Author(s) 2011 Reprints and permission: sagepub. speed-dating interactions co.uk/journalsPermissions.nav DOI: 10.1177/1461445611403357 dis.sagepub.com Neill Korobov University of West Georgia, USA Abstract This study examines how potential romantic partners in speed-dating encounters use gender to both proffer and formulate mate-preferences as a means of establishing affiliation. Drawing on a corpus of 36 speed-dating interactions, a sequential discursive psychological approach was used to analyze how gendered mate-preferences were initially elicited and formulated, as well as the interactional effects of mate-preferences that were designed to appear complicit versus resistant to gender conventionality. The findings reveal that both mate-preference solicitations and formulations were categorically gendered and were treated as incipient or expected, suggesting that gendering mate-preferences is a normative action in first encounters by potential romantic partners. Further, mate-preferences that were marked as conventional rarely promoted an environment of mutual affiliation, whereas mate-preferences that were formulated as resistant to gender-conventionality did tend to function as a preliminary for affective affiliation. The study reveals that the gendering of mate-preferences is a responsive social practice with an interactional design that has relational consequences for the ways potential romantic partners create connection. Keywords affiliation, categories, conversation analysis, discursive psychology, gender, mate-preferences, speed-dating Introduction Within the last decade, research on speed-dating has emerged within experimental social psychology as an innovative way of studying the relationship between gender and initial romantic attraction (Eastwick and Finkel, 2008; Finkel et al., 2007; Fisman et al., 2006; Corresponding author: Neill Korobov, Department of Psychology, University of West Georgia, Carrollton, GA 30118, USA.
    [Show full text]
  • Matrimonial Shows on Turkish Television Channels
    BUJSS 9/1 (2016), 102-117 “EVERYBODY SHOULD WITNESS OUR HAPPINESS”: MATRIMONIAL SHOWS ON TURKISH TELEVISION CHANNELS 1 Erdem Güven 2 İlkay Kanık ABSTRACT In every culture and society, rituals of marriage are changing depending on different traditions and customs. Modernization and the developments in the mass media, naturally changed or at least made these customs and traditions compatible with the changing situation. In Turkish culture, the first step of the arranged (family-initiated) marriages – asking a family to give their daughters as a bride (kız isteme)– is more invisible and “between the members of the two families” (aile arasında). Kız isteme ritual is also an important phase in the love marriages. Approbation of family and the society is important not only in arranged marriages, but also in love marriages. Although, the ceremony is mostly invisible and between the members of the families of the bride and the groom, it became an important “subject of rumor” especially among women. Neighbors of the bride and the groom and relatives always eager to learn the details about the groom and bride, as well as about the ceremony itself. Today, matrimonial shows on Turkish televisions arose from this curiosity and turning it into cash. At those matrimonial shows such as Esra Erol’da Evlen Benimle (Marry me at Esra Erol Show), Su Gibi (Pure as Water) and Ne Çıkarsa Bahtına (By Chance), candidates give information about themselves, express their criteria about marriage and trying to find their spouses in public, on television. If they get along with each other, their wedding ceremony also holds live on TV screens.
    [Show full text]
  • ROMANTIC SELECTIVITY Arbitrary Social Norms Influence Sex
    Romantic Selectivity 1 Running Head: ROMANTIC SELECTIVITY Arbitrary Social Norms Influence Sex Differences in Romantic Selectivity Eli J. Finkel and Paul W. Eastwick Northwestern University In press, Psychological Science Word count: 3,641 KEYWORDS: romantic selectivity, speed-dating, gender, embodiment, approach, self-confidence Please direct correspondence to: Eli Finkel Northwestern University 2029 Sheridan Road #102 Evanston, IL 60208 Phone: 847-491-3212 Email: [email protected] Romantic Selectivity 2 Abstract Men tend to be less selective than women when evaluating and pursuing potential romantic partners. The present experiment employed speed-dating procedures to test a novel explanation for this sex difference: The mere act of physically approaching a potential romantic partner (versus being approached), a behavior that is more characteristic of men than of women, increases one’s attraction to that partner. This hypothesis was supported in a sample of speed-daters ( N=350) who attended a heterosexual event where either men (eight events) or women (seven events) rotated from one partner to the next while members of the other sex remained seated. Rotators were significantly less selective than were Sitters, which meant that the tendency for men to be less selective than women at men-rotate events disappeared at women-rotate events. These effects were mediated by increased self-confidence among Rotators relative to Sitters. Word count: 139 Romantic Selectivity 3 Arbitrary Social Norms Influence Sex Differences in Romantic Selectivity
    [Show full text]
  • Looking for Love in So Many Places: Characteristics of Online Daters and Speed Daters
    Looking for Love in so many Places: Characteristics of Online Daters and Speed Daters Monica T. Whitty1 Nottingham Trent University Tom Buchanan University of Westminster Abstract This study examined the characteristics of individuals who are more likely to engage in speed dating and online dating, and the types of people who are more likely to prefer these forms of dating. Older individuals and those who scored high on shyness were more likely to have tried online dating. Older individuals, those who scored high on shyness, and those who had tried online dating were more likely to consider using it in the future. Younger individuals were more likely to have tried speed dating. Those who had already tried speed dating were more likely to consider using it in the future. We argue here that online dating offers some advantages for shy individuals. Keywords: Romantic relationships, online dating, speed dating, personality, shyness. In the „noughties‟, individuals are eagerly trying out new matchmaking methods in which singles are introduced both online and face-to-face. Online, people are meetings in spaces such as newsgroups, gaming sites, blogging networks, and social networking services like Friendster, MySpace, and Bebo. Madden and Lenhart (2006) have reported that 74% of single Americans searching for partners have used the internet to facilitate their romantic pursuits. Currently, the most popular way to meet romantic partners online is through online dating sites. Yahoo.com claims almost 380 million visitors per month to their online dating site (Pasha, 2005), and FriendFinder.com say they have over 2.6 million active members (Dating Sites Reviews.com, n.d.).
    [Show full text]