“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1493

17.06.11 EELIX The studentF voice of Imperial College London since 1949 Union Colours Awards ARTIFACT: SCIENCE MEETS ART 80 students honoured by Union for Imperial and Royal College of Art students collaborate in a ‘outstanding contributions’: Page 3 new project that combines science and art: Page 16

Charles Poon Union forced to BUSINESS clarify future of Summer Ball No concrete long-term strategy in place says Union Are we in the middle

Ben Scally to Felix suggested that concrete plans of another tech Kadhim Shubber had been put in place when they had in fact not. bubble? Page 10 The Union has been forced to clarify Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) that no plans for the future of the Sum- Heather Jones said, “I felt it necessary mer Ball have been set in stone after to clarify to the student body that the several Deputy Presidents raised con- Summer Ball is decided by students and cerns following last week’s Felix article. that no long-term decisions had been Union President Alex Kendall said that approved.” MUSIC the statement given to Felix regarding Alex Kendall said that Felix had not plans for the future of the Ball gave the misrepresented the statement and that the “wrong impression” that the decisions Union is still of the opinion that a bigger had already been made and emphasied Summer Ball would be better, explaining that student input would be sought and that the way to have more high-profi le included in future decisions. live acts without increasing the cost is to In a letter printed this week in Felix the expand the Ball. However, he conceded Union admit that the “idea and vision” that it had been made to seem that a con- of moving the Ball to Hyde Park may crete decision had already been taken. In not “necessarily refl ect the wishes of the the letter the Union admit “this is not a student body” and reassures that no de- strategy that has been brought before the cision would be taken without properly Executive Committee of the Union or to Photos from the Felix engaging the student body: “Any change Union Council and voted upon.” of venue would need to be discussed at The letter says that “ultimately it is Music Night, BONED: […] the Council of the Union.” not [the Union’s] opinion, but yours that The statement originally sent to Felix matters” and urges students to “come Page 19 last week, from a senior Union offi cial forward and make your voice heard.” and approved by the Union President, The original statement also said that laid out plans to expand the Sum- the Union had an “expression of inter- mer Ball into “a larger student ball for est” from UCL on collaborating on London” co-ordinated by the Union. the Ball next year. However, Matthew Professor Sara Rankin is asking school The clarifi cation was forced after three ...Continued on Page 4 TRAVEL Deputy Presidents (Education, Welfare, and Clubs & Societies) and two mem- children around the UK to donate their bers of the Union Executive Committee Editorial: Page 12 raised concerns that the statement made Union’s letter: Page 13 baby teeth. Find out why on Page 6

Professors win President cleared Further details Summer election OBEs by Union Court on CaSE decision results Professor Nigel Brandon and Union Court rules that Kendall College confident about ability Election complaints finally White-water rafting Professor Elisabeth Paice rec- did not behave inappropriately to lobby independently as it settled and full results of de- ognised on Queen’s Birthday when he told student to with- emerges that Management Board layed central Union election and active volcanos: Honours List. Page 3 draw from election: Page 4 took decision to leave: Page 4 released: Page 6 Page 21 2 Friday 17 june 2011 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus Last issue next week! *cough (not this week) I,SCIENCE Nestlé Marketing Director on business experience THE SCIENCE MAGAZINE OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE Vernon Bradley, current Marketing Director at Nestlé, discusses his 30 year career which has spanned markets across the world. He also holds 12 years of exposure to the high profile Chinese market. Open NEW ISSUE to all with tickets requiring booking in advance. Visit http://bit.ly/lx2xDz to register. Lecture Theatre 2, Business School OUT 20 June 18:30–19:30

Freezing time with lasers FRIDAY Professor of Laser Physics John Tisch explores a world of high- 24TH JUNE speed measurement technology, in which There probably isn’t a more appropriate laser-based cameras LISTEN TO THE LATEST I, SCIENCE capable of freeze- time to use the words, “well, this is framing motion are being PODCAST ON WWW.ISCIENCEONLINE.CO.UK developed. Open to all embarrassing.” Due to a, shall we say, with registration required in advance. Contact ‘timetabling oversight’ we mistakenly said [email protected] to register. last week, and the week before, that this LT 1, Blackett Laboratory would be the last issue of the academic Lolcat of teh week 22 June 17:30–18:30 year. In fact, that’s not the case, the last issue is next Friday 24th June. Feel free to Greying Matters point and laugh, and then maybe give a small cheer for one more week of Hangman, This free event brings together Imperial researchers and the British Society for Immunology in order to Puzzles, and all that ‘news stuff’ that I investigate what exactly happens to our brains as we grow older. The talks will be followed by a know you all love to read. Next we’ll have a series of games designed to test your memory and presentations into the work of young scientists. bumper issue for you with a review of the Open to all with tickets to be booked in advance. Contact [email protected] for tickets. year and more Centrefolds than is probably Dana Centre, Science Museum legal to print... 23 June 19:00–21:00 Editor

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2011. Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Reporters Katherine Bettany Charles Betts Sophia David Maciej Matuszewski Deepka Rana Aemun Reza Ian Wei Umair Aasem Genevieve Pugh Haralambos Dayantis Madhura Ghosh Victoria Druce Catherine Lu Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Kelly Oakes Charlie Harvey Thea Cunningham Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam Comment Editors Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Stephen Smith Film Editors Jade Hoffman Ed Knock TV Editors Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova Food Editors Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Dakshaa Rai Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Books Editor Guo Heng Chin Photo Editors Miles Robertson Thomas Welch Travel Editor Chris Richardson Lifestyle Editor Richard Keller Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Sharanya Subbu Ritika Gupta Zainab Ali Shruti Mishra Sophia Man Tim Arbabzadah Jamie Fraser Veli Akiner Samuel Furse Charlotte Ivison Illustrators Luca de Benedetti Hamish Muir Benjamin Kennedy Amanda Diez Joshua Yerrell FELIX Friday 17 june 2011 3 NEWS Imperial success Colours Ahmad Alsaadi Roger Liew Hamza Shaikh in Birthday Union awards Diana Anderson Chia Lim Aamir Shamsi Dominic Andradi Brown Benjamin Lindsey Varun Sharma Honours List Aaron Berk Kin-Hing Lo Christine Simpson honour students Elwin Carlos Roxanne Middleton Shivendra Singh David Coolegem Annalan Navaratnam Michael Squire Matt Colvin Matt Colvin Bernice Cutler Isaac Obisanya Charles Thomas Rory Fenton Jack Patten Ryan Tunstall Two Imperial professors have been Winners of this year’s Union awards Elizabeth Griffiths William Pearse Marcus Ulmefors recognised on the Queen’s Birthday were announced on Monday at the fi nal Joseph Harris Stefan Piatek Kevin Wallace Honours List, which was published last Union Council meeting of the academic Stuart Haylock Charles Poon Oliver Wilkie Saturday. year. Jasmin Hodgson Gregory Power Edward Willans Professor Nigel Brandon, Director of The awards recognise those working Vanessa Hume Kajann Prathapan Simon Worthington Imperial’s Energy Futures laboratory, across the Union, from clubs and Mevani Jagodage Uthishtan Ranjan Jennifer Zanin has been awarded an OBE alongside societies to representation, with a belief Robin Jones Thomas Rushton Professor Elisabeth Paice, Visiting that ‘those who have gone over and Christina Kontoghiorghe Mohammad Salamsi Professor of the Professorial Department above what is expected of them should of Surgery. be recognised.’ Outstanding Services Awards Professor Brandon received his OBE Of the 109 individuals nominated Paul Beaumont Laura Jeffrey Rhodri Oliver for services to relations in science for awards, (consisting of Colours, Deena Blumenkrantz Adam Khamis Mark Ramsden between the United Kingdom and China. Outstanding Services Awards and Michael Colwill Nigel Kheng Deep Shah Brandon has been a leading fi gure Union Fellowships) 80 were decided Michael Foster Jonathan Kim Kadhim Shubber behind facilitating partnership between to have met the necessary criteria to Adam Funnell Elena Lovo Dan Wan scientifi c communities in both the UK receive an award. James Geraets Joe Mckenna Henry Whittaker and China, resulting in collaborative At the Council meeting, special Scott Heath Ben Moorhouse John Winters projects between the two countries on praise was reserved by Union President Christopher Hopper Stefan Nubert Monya Zard the issue of clean and renewable energy. Alex Kendall for two award winning Professor Paice was recognised for individuals. Jenny Wilson and Chris Birkett: Fellowship with Distinction her services to Medicine. Paice has Kendall commended Dan Wan, who Imperial College Union Fellowship acted as Dean Director of Postgraduate has received an Outstanding Services William Ibbotson Nathaniel Bottrell Hannah Thedorou Medical and Dental Education for Award, for his role in publicising and Oluwatosin Ajayi Anil Chopra North Thames from 1995 to 2001 and as helping to organise December’s Life drivers. Gilead Amit Jad Marrouche Dean Director of London Deanery from Sciences protests. Christopher Birkett and Jenny Wilson 2001 until 2009. She developed a new Additionally, Fellowship winner received the highest accolade possible, Fellowship with Distinction educational commissioning system as Nathaniel Bottrell was lauded for his a Fellowship with Distinction, thereby Christopher Birkett Jenny Wilson Acting Director of Medical and Dental extensive work in Union minibus being deemed by the Union to have Education at NHS London from July training, with Kendall claiming that made ‘an innovative development to 2009 until April 2010 and was named trips requiring the use of vehicles the work of the Union such as to leave a President’s Awards as NHS Mentor of the Year 2010 last could not have gone ahead without him positive legacy that will make a lasting Senior Stewards Team Simon Archer Physics & Medicine December. helping individuals to become approved impression for future members.’ Dan Wan Cinema Society (for undergraduate representation)

Council denies DPFS Honorary Life Membership Sponsored Editorial

Matt Colvin But Union Court to Council. He said that Council mem- bers “massively underappreciated the The decision of Union Council on Mon- quashes decision due amount of effort [he] had put in” due to More student cuts day to award Honorary Life Member- the loss of two permanent staff mem- ship (HLM) of the Union to only fi ve to unconstitutional bers, the Finance Manager and Com- of six Sabbatical Offi cers, excluding mercial Services Manager. Discount haircuts for Imperial Deputy President (Finance & Services) voting procedure While no complaint was made against Ravi Pall, was overturned at a meeting the result during the meeting, one made students at Fresh Hairdressers of the Union Court on Wednesday. afterwards led to the issue being dis- The rejection of the Council’s decision his year in offi ce. The RCC Chair, Na- cussed at Wednesday’s meeting of the arose after a complaint that the proce- thaniel Bottrell, pointed to the Deputy Union Court. More student cuts for Imperial 0207 823 8968. Ask for a dure of the HLM vote was unconstitu- President’s short written report for that Union Court Chair Hamish Common students at South Kensington’s student discount and bring your tional as the Sabbatical Offi cers were Council meeting as indicative of his ef- said that it was “with a heavy heart” that FRESH Hairdressers. Imperial ID. asked to leave the room while the other forts. The members subsequently voted he quashed Council’s decision because Men’s cuts £22 Cash only. Council members debated the awards. whether to confer Pall with member- Council had not knowingly acted im- Women’s shampoo and cut and The Sabbatical Offi cers were also not al- ship, with fi ve voting for and six against, properly and that it was common sense shake dry £28 lowed to vote. In the constitution it stip- along with 10 abstentions. Union Presi- to ask the Sabbaticals to leave the room Women’s shampoo, cut and ulates that all full members of the Union, dent Alex Kendall explained his misgiv- while they were being discussed; he blow-dry £38 which includes Sabbaticals, have a right ings about the Council’s decision: “Ravi suggested that it would be a good idea All of our cuts are done by highly to participate in all Council discussions. has done a great job this year and has that the constitution be changed to allow experienced stylists. Although the practice of asking the been a very proactive Sabb. He has a this practice to continue. Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to Sabbaticals to leave the room is a long- strong personality and this can some- An emergency meeting of Council 4.30 (sorry no discounts on standing unwritten rule, the Court ruled times test some people’s patience but he met on Thursday lunchtime but it was Saturdays). that it violated the Union’s constitution. is a good man and has had to deal with abandoned as it was not quorate. An- We are only 70 metres from In the decision to deny Ravi Pall Hon- some tricky issues this year.” other meeting has been scheduled for South Kensington tube station orary Life Membership, some Council Ravi Pall argued that because a lot of the 22nd of June, when Council will To book an appointment, call members cited what they deemed to his work involved sensitive staffi ng is- again decide on HLMs for the sabbati- be an unsatisfactory effort throughout sues, it was impossible to report fully cal team. 4 Friday 17 june 2011 FELIX News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] In Brief Union Court clears President Management Board rook Complaint that Kendall intimidated student not upheld decision to leave CaSE Kadhim Shubber the Court argued that if there was any damage It has emerged that the decision to cut Imperial’s caused by the initial email, it was remedied by £3,000 per year membership of the Campaign for The Union Court has ruled that Union President the emails that followed. Through several emails Science and Engineering (CaSE) was made by the Alex Kendall did not act inappropriately when, on the 9th of May, and a Facebook Chat con- College’s Management Board. during the central Union elections when he was versation, Kendall explained in more detail to A trusted source, who wished to remain anonymous, Returning Offi cer, he told a student to withdraw Abdul Patel his options. The chain ends with an told Felix that the Board felt that Imperial could lobby his nomination for the position of Community email from Abdul Patel in which he says that he effectively by itself and through the Russell Group, Action Group (CAG) Chair. The Court also doesn’t have the time or resources to mount a and therefore had a reduced need for CaSE. ruled that Kendall had not acted in a biased way strong enough campaign against his possible op- A College spokesperson did not confi rm or deny in approving candidate material. ponent for CAG Chair and then goes on to thank the claim but did appear to suggest that Imperial’s The complaint was made on the 30th of May the President for his “invaluable advice.” The own lobbying efforts were suffi cient, saying that by He-in Cheong after Kendall emailed Student Court Chair Hamish Common (left) ruled Court Chair Hamish Common said that although in Kendall’s favour acted appropriately “every week many members of the College are in- Trustee-elect Abdul Patel at the opening of nom- Abdul Patel later claimed that the real reason teracting at the most senior levels in government inations on the 9th of May, saying that he could that he withdrew was because he had been in- and Parliament” to ensure that Imperial’s interests not be CAG Chair because trustees cannot hold timidated, there was no direct evidence that he are properly represented. other positions on another Union Committee and The Court decided that because Returning Of- had not meant his words when he said them. The spokesperson also said that Imperial had then telling him to “withdraw from the election”. fi cers had the power to force candidates to with- Alex Kendall apologised to He-in Cheong, made savings in excess of £70,000 over the past Abdul Patel claimed that he had felt intimidated draw from elections, it followed that they also who brought the complaint on Abdul’s behalf, two years due to ceased subscriptions. He further by the President’s email and was bullied into had the power to force candidates to withdraw for the language he used in emails to her while explained the principles behind the decision, say- withdrawing. Furthermore, the complaint made their nomination if they were illegible. On the discussing the complaint. In an email sent on the ing that the College looks for “clear benefi ts from to Union Court argued that the Union President issue of illegibility, the Court decided that candi- 31st of May, Kendall called her “bloody pathet- the membership or subscription fees it pays,” which was incorrect to suggest that Abdul Patel could dates should be forced to resign their position if ic” and accuses her of being corrupt. Although in general involves infl uence on the organisation’s not run for the position, saying that he was al- they run for a constitutionally incompatible role. his conduct towards He-in Cheong was not the strategy or the receipt of direct services that benefi t lowed to contest the election but would have to On the question of whether Abdul had been subject of the complaint, Kendall admitted that Imperial’s activities. resign one of his positions if he had won. intimidated into withdrawing from the election, his behaviour was inappropriate. CaSE Director Imran Khan said “senior govern- ment ministers have publicly credited” his organisa- tion with “helping to make the argument for sus- tained investment in science, and for making sure that the UK’s immigration rules reward science and Union clarifi es Ball plans engineering skills.” He said that most CaSE mem- Former Rector sacked from board bers saw this as a benefi t of support CaSE but said he respected Imperial’s right to take a different ...Continued from Front Page Sir Richard Sykes ousted in mining company coup view. Kadhim Shubber Burgess, Sabbatical Offi cer for Finances and Services at UCL Union, told Felix “a collabo- ration would only happen if it were on UCL Alex Karapetian aged”. campus” and emphasised the importance of “a The company entered fl otation on the Lon- Dyson provides money for Imperial UCL event on UCL campus.” UCL has previ- Sir Richard Sykes, a former rector of Imperial don Stock Exchange in 2007 with less than ously staged its Summer Ball off campus but College, is one of two people to have be oust- 20% of stock available to the public, below engineering scholarships moved it back due to overwhelming negative ed in a boardroom coup within the Eurasian the requirement for entering the FTSE 100. feedback from its students. In response to Im- Natural Resources Company (ENRC) two The FSA made an exception to the company, The James Dyson Foundation has set up a £1 mil- perial’s offer of collaborating in a future Sum- weeks ago. The former chairman of Glaxo- deeming it to be large enough for its shares to lion scholarship scheme for postgraduate design mer Ball, Burgess said, “We feel it’s a nice idea SmithKline and now ex-deputy chairman of be liquid. An independent review, however, and engineering students. The Dyson vacuum but wouldn’t move the event off our campus.” the Kazakh mining company was removed recommended that the founding shareholder cleaner creator said that engineering needed to A senior Union offi cial told Felix that the ex- from the 14-man board along with his fellow trio, which held 35% of the company between be promoted to help the UK’s economic recovery. pression of interest came from a “senior staff independent director Ken Olisa, after a vote them, should not serve on the board. Flotation The donation will be used to fund four postgraduate member” at UCLU and that not having UCLU, by the company’s shareholders who claimed was ultimately delayed by six months. bursaries of £25,000 per year for students at Im- one of the largest Student Unions in London, they were tired of the two interfering, The In- Sir Richard Sykes held the position of rec- perial, Bath, Bristol and Corpus Christi Cambridge, on board would have a “signifi cant impact” on dependent reports. tor from 2001 and was succeeded by Sir Roy awarded on the basis of “passion” for engineering, future plans for the Summer Ball. The company was surrounded in controver- Anderson in 2008. The biochemist was the Se- academic ability and fi nancial need. Alex Nowbar The spokesperson said that the Union will sies regarding their public listing on the Lon- nior Independent Director and non-executive “consult heavily with Imperial students next don Stock Exchange and Sir Richard is calling Deputy Chairman and Chairman of the Remu- year to determine the steer for next year’s for the Financial Services Authority (FSA) to neration Committee of the ENRC from Octo- event” and emphasised that the Union would tighten its listings rules following the lat- ber 2008. He is currently the Chairman of The Treasury finally appoints Chief “fi rst and foremost” plan a Ball that fulfi lled est disputes which arose regarding corporate UK Stem Cell Foundation. the wishes of Imperial students above “a wider governance. He said that “there are serious Commenting to the Daily Telegraph on his Scientific Advisor audience.” However, the spokesperson also questions to be raised about the corporate gov- time on the board, Sir Richard explained “the said that plans for a London-wide student Ball ernance of companies like ENRC. It should reason [he] joined this company was because A chief scientifi c advisor (CSA) has fi nally been ap- would be would need to be in place before the never have been allowed to list on the London [he] thought it had great potential” and that it pointed to the Treasury, previously the only remain- start of the new term. It is believed therefore exchange with such a small free fl oat and such was “diffi cult to understand why there would ing government department without a CSA. The po- that feedback from this year’s event will play dominant shareholders.” be so much confl ict.” He reasoned that “it goes sition is being fi lled by James Richardson, who will a crucial role in determining the future of the The founding shareholders supported on the back to the fact that less than 20% of stock was retain his role as the Treasury’s director of public Summer Ball. board by Kazakh government representatives free fl oat with the rest government stock”. spending. CaSE director, Imran Khan, applauded are Alijan Ibragimov, Alexander Machkevich The ENRC have been in a variety of contro- the move saying, “We desperately need someone The Summer Ball will be held on Saturday and Patokh Chodiev. Sir Richard claimed the versies besides the fl otation concerns, includ- within the department who can talk about how criti- 18th June. Tickets are £45 until midnight trio were mad and described his experience ing their purchase of a mine in the Democratic cal a long-term investment strategy for science and on Friday 17th June and then £50 on the as having been “more Soviet than City”, call- Republic of Congo and the resignation of the engineering is for the UK’s future.” Alex Nowbar door. Tickets can be bought from thesum- ing for “a much tougher [regulatory] regime, chief executive Felix Vulis for “personal rea- merball2011.com. otherwise London’s reputation will be dam- sons” in 2010.

6 Friday 17 june 2011 FELIX News Editors: Alex Karapetian Matthew Colvin NEWS [email protected] In Brief The Tooth Department of Mathematics top in Europe for research Fairy’s Palace Imperial College has been ranked as having the most infl uential mathematics research of any insti- tution in Europe by a recent chart created by Thom- By Kadhim Shubber son-Reuters. Ranked 13th for top institutions in mathematics, above any non-US institution overall, Imperial is listed as having 777 papers with 5,369 citations as of February 2011. Dr Emma McCoy, Head of the Department of Mathematics, said that she is “very proud of this success, which refl ects the breadth and depth of our world-leading research” and that the ranking is “testament to the years of intense work that has been put in by many over recent decades”. The rankings involved counting the number of cita- tions per researcher to determine the level of infl u- ence the research papers have had and included research published from 2001 to 2011. She added that the rankings demonstrate the “im- pact this research is having, not only in the math- ematics community, but in the positive infl uence mathematics has on the world around us”. Two mathematicians were also singled out by the rankings as particularly “highly-cited” individuals, notably algebraist Professor Martin Liebeck and geometrician Professor Simon Donaldson, who is one of the most well known mathematicians at Im- perial. Professor Donaldson, widely regarded as one A sketch of what the sculpture will look like. It will be exhibited in the Science Museum from April to June next year of the top mathematicians in the world, received the Fields Medal at age 29 and is also a fellow of the Royal Society. t almost sounds like something straight and umbilical cords, when they’re actually a of communication skills, presentation skills, Professor Maggie Dallman, Principal of the Fac- from a children’s fairytale: using the rich source of adult stem cells. The research and it’s also a nice diversion from the daily ulty of Natural Sciences, said that “research in milk teeth of children to build a palace. that Professor Rankin is currently focused on, grind of academia.” mathematics underpins our understanding of many But this is no tooth-fairy-gone-rogue which involves trying to activate adult stem ‘Palaces’ has received coverage in the ma- key areas of life” and that she is “pleased to see story, rather it’s the inventive collabora- cells within the body instead for regenerative jor news outlets and has garnered attention Imperial is celebrating such international success tion of Imperial’s Professor Sara Rankin and purposes, could see these ‘waste’ body parts world-wide. It will be fi rst exhibited in Liv- in this fi eld.” artist Gina Czarnecki. The pair aim to move becoming extremely valuable. erpool this December, before coming to the “We are also proud to be working collaboratively I the debate about stem cells away from the con- But this is not only about making a scientifi c Science Museum from April–June 2012. The with researchers, at home and abroad, to fulfi l our troversies of embryonic stem cell research and point. ‘Palaces’ has a much broader and loftier plan is to travel the sculpture as much as pos- goals and bring about signifi cant global economic to challenge perceptions about discarded body goal of encouraging interest in science. “This sible so that children who have donated a tooth and societal benefi ts”. Alex Karapetian matter with a new project called ‘Palaces’. is using art, not to illustrate science, but also can come and see where it has ended up. “I The project’s centrepiece is a 2-metre high to catch people’s interest and to get them to love the idea that children are going to be able sculpture made from crystal resin, a “spectacu- ask the questions,” says Rankin. Outreach is a to give a single tooth, and then later perhaps Union election results lar fantasy palace” that will slowly be covered large part of her academic life. She remembers visit the Science Museum and they can see with children’s milk teeth. “Just as barnacles how visiting an outreach laboratory in Bristol what donating something has created,” says The election results were delayed pending the Union cluster in groups or in the same manner that as a teenager transformed her life and made her Professor Rankin. The hope is that the expe- Court’s decision regarding the complaints made crystals form and grow, so too will the milk realise she wanted a career in science. “I had rience will encourage children to think more against Returning Offi cer Alex Kendall – See Page 4 teeth spread and proliferate across the surface no idea that research was an option until that positively about donating in general and carry of the palace,” says Czarnecki, explaining how visit. That’s why I think it’s really important that through life. CAG Chair – Heather Jones the piece will grow organically over time. to give that opportunity to as many people as The project currently has around 500 teeth Council Chair – David Smith Children are encouraged to send in their possible.” but they’re aiming for around 12,000. The Court Advocate – Abdul Patel teeth when they fall out and are ‘compensat- As a PhD student she used to grab up some teeth so far come from all around the world, Disabilities Offi cer – Charlotte Ivison ed’ with a special ‘milk token’ that they can equipment from her lab and head over to including Brazil and the USA – they’re ask- Entertainments Committee – Jiajun Tan, Alan leave beneath their pillow as an I.O.U. for the schools where her friends were teaching and ing people to submit their location when they Soltani, Jack Hewitt tooth fairy. Professor Rankin jokes that her son do demonstrations for the kids. As well as the submit so that they can track geographically Environmental Offi cer – Yaroslav Voropayev wanted to know if she had tested the tokens to general benefi ts of getting kids interested in and chronologically the growth of the project. Equal Opportunities Offi cer – Dolan Miu make sure that they actually worked. science, she says, it was good for them to see a So does Professor Rankin think it’s at all weird Gender Equality Offi cer – Mikhail Nikitin One of the objectives of the project is to re- female scientist. “When you ask kids to draw that they’re building a sculpture with children’s Healthy Living Offi cer – Joachim Dias mind the public that the term stem cells doesn’t a scientist, it’s always an Einstein-esque man.” teeth? “Some people don’t like the idea and fi nd Interfaith Offi cer – Sayinthen Vivekanantham only refer to embryonic stem cells, but also to She’s keen for Imperial students to get in- teeth a little disgusting, but I’ve been to so many International Offi cer – Hao Gan adult stem cells that are found in bone marrow, volved as well. Both by donating their teeth schools and all the kids love it,” she says. LGBT Offi cer – Christopher Schlumberger-Socha teeth, and even fat. “This is about moving the – you’d be surprised how many parents keep RAG Chair – Jack Hewitt debate on and increasing people’s understand- their kids’ baby teeth, she tells me – and by ing. The term ‘stem cells’ get bandied around going to schools and spreading the word. It’s A more detailed breakdown a lot because people don’t know that there are clear that Professor Rankin feels passionate If you would like to get involved by going of the results can be found at different stem cells,” says Professor Rankin. about the importance of outreach. She points into your old primary school and speaking www.imperialcollegeunion.org Currently, we discard certain ‘waste’ body out that it’s not just the children who benefi t, to children about the project, email Profes- parts, like teeth, fat from liposuction operations “it actually brings a lot to your career in terms sor Rankin at [email protected] london’s

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12:00 Tape The Radio 12:00 big band 12:45 Rosie Doonan 12:50 mark wainwright tonight 13:15 Kurran and the 13:10 big band Wolfnotes 14:00 allan wojciechowski 14:00 Liam Bailey 14:30 medic jazz band to get your ticket 14:45 Laura Marling 15:20 mike jia 16:30 Chew Lips 15:45 wrong shoe club 17:45 the Duke Spirit 16:10 white elephant 18:45 Russo 16:45 tin cans online 19:15 Stooshe 17:20 nameless 20:00 Labrinth 18:00 professor penguin 21:00 Resident Dj 18:30 music tecH dj set thesummerball2011.com 21:30 Ian Brown the great other timings hall STAGE 12:00 Fun fair opens 22:45 fireworks 14:00 reflex 22:30 satellite bars close 20:00 15:30 ray keith prince’s gardens bars close

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£50 door Thethesummerball2011.com Summer Ball 2011 is a fundraising event on behalf of Imperial College Union. Over 18’s only with a valid Student ID card. R.O.A.R. 8 Friday 17 june 2011 FELIX Science Editors: Kelly Oakes Charlie Harvey Thea Cunningham SCIENCE [email protected] In brief Using carbon dioxide to fi ght warming

Charlie Harvey Catching a wave It was on a cool, clear autumn day in north- Physicists have come one step closer to unveiling ern Minnesota when two scientists, driving the elusive quantum world with a new experimental towards a fi eldwork station, stopped for gas. It method developed by Canadian scientists. The ar- was at this petrol station that Martin Saar and ticle, published in Nature, shows how a team from Jimmy Randolph had a fl ash of inspiration that the National Research Council of Canada Institute could one day help in the fi ght against climate for National Measurement Standards were able to change. perform a direct measurement of the wavefunction Road journeys in America are notoriously of a photon, which is the elementary unit, or ‘quan- long, allowing many long discussions to be ta’, of light. had. On this particular trip, the men had only The wavefunction is central to quantum theory two things on their mind. Firstly, the work they and is a complex distribution which completely de- had been commissioned to do by Minnesota scribes a quantum system. In contrast to everyday Geological Survey on the potential for storing experience where the state of an object, such as carbon dioxide in the local area. And secondly, its position or momentum, can be precisely deter- they talked about Jimmy’s current research mined, things become fuzzier in the quantum world. into geothermal energy. Particles can be here or there, and Schrodinger’s Geothermal electricity production works on cat can be dead or alive. The Catch-22 (until now, at the principle that the Earth has, deep down, least) was that by attempting to measure a quantum vast stores of heat energy locked up. Water can object, its wavefunction would ‘collapse’ to a new be pumped into fi ssures in these rocks, where value and then evolve as a different wavefunction. it can heat up. Once back at the surface the wa- Jeff S. Lundeen, one of the authors of the paper, ter can be used to drive a turbine. Geothermal comments, “A feature of the wavefunction is that, energy requires no fuel, so it is one of the least unlike a water wave, the very act of observing it carbon-intensive power sources. As global tar- changes it, making it a slippery object to measure.” gets for carbon emissions become stricter, geo- The team were able to circumvent this problem by thermal energy is becoming more widespread. Burning fossil fuels releases billions of tonnes of CO into the atmosphere each year performing two complementary measurements of To meet the targets, an alternative to using 2 a photon in succession; one ‘weak measurement’ lower-carbon electricity is to remove the ex- which is gentle so as not to disturb the wavefunc- isting CO2 from the atmosphere. Known as tion, followed by a second normal (or ‘strong’) mea- carbon capture and storage, the CO2 is stored if all available sites in the US were used, the and with any CO2 storage project, the barriers surement. Although the weak measurement lacks underground as a liquid where it cannot act as entire electrical generating infrastructure could are not so much technical as they are social.” precision, accuracy can be regained by averaging a greenhouse gas. be rendered carbon neutral. The traditional As well as lack of public support, carbon over many measurements. The big ‘eureka’ moment came when Mar- method relies on fracturing the rock to allow capture schemes have come under fi re produc- In the experiment, individual photons were gener- tin and Jimmy realised these two disparate ac- the water to fl ow. This, however, can lead to ing CO2 themselves. CPG could change all ated by attentuating laser beams. The position of tivities could be combined. Instead of simply seismic activity. In Basel, Switzerland, for ex- this. “This approach could make carbon cap- the photons were weakly measured through measur- storing the liquid carbon dioxide underground, ample, a geothermal plant had to be shut down ture economically feasible as the power gen- ing their polarisation. A lens was then used to select why not use it to extract energy from the earth after it caused an earthquake. erated from the geothermal heat at these sites for photons of a given momentum. to create electricity as well? Such dramatic incidents never fare favour- could run all the pumps and other electric sys- Another intriguing aspect of the experiment is how “It really was a brainwave”, says Martin. Al- ably with the general public. Although CPG tems required”, says Martin. As well as remov- the imaginary components of quantum numbers can though only half-joking at the time, three years has a greatly reduced seismic risk, it is asso- ing CO2 from the atmosphere, it also creates be made manifest. Observables from strong mea- later the pair are well on the way to making the ciated with carbon dioxide – a term that has electricity with very low emissions. surements are real numbers while the mathematics technology a reality. been vilifi ed in the media for years. “Climate As fossil fuel stocks run out, and oil prices requires that weak measurements can have real and The idea, known as CO2 Plume Geothermal change advocates go on the news and say CO2 rise ever higher, projects like CPG are likely to imaginary components. Both the real and imaginary (CPG) involves circulating the liquid CO2 is dangerous and it’s bad, and then go on to say be come increasingly more attractive, and even numbers can be realised in the dial of an apparatus: that would normally be stored underground ‘oh, by the way, we’re going to inject it under indispensable if we are really serious about re- the real component determines the position of a through geothermally heated rocks. CPG has the ground where you live’”, says Dr LaForce, ducing our impact on the atmosphere. Maybe pointer, while the imaginary component determines many advantages over its rivals. CO2 is much who researches carbon storage at Imperial one day, geothermal energy and carbon cap- the momentum kick. This new method for observing better at extracting heat from the rocks than College London. She has seen numerous CO2 ture will make petrol stations, like the one that the quantum world will be vital to fi elds as diverse as water. In addition, the landscapes used for storage projects delayed or killed because of inspired Martin and Jimmy three years ago, a quantum information and drug discovery. carbon capture are vast. So large, in fact, that public disapproval. “Unfortunately with this, thing of the past. Melissa Lever

Storing CO2 underground can help reduce quantities in the atmosphere, and help generate clean electricty as well FELIX Friday 17 june 2011 9 SCIENCE Collaborations clash at Tevatron

Kelly Oakes rate at which a W boson was produced be stacked against the CDF – the Large with two jets was higher than predicted Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN also Earlier this year, the Collider Detector by the standard model. This created a checked its data to see if any particle at Fermilab (CDF) collaboration tenta- bump in the energy distribution of the shows up with the mass expected, but tively put forward new results suggest- two jets. found nothing. ing that they had observed a new, un- One way to explain this bump is Tevatron is due to shut down in Sep- predicted particle. A month later they that a particle, with a mass that corre- tember, as the LHC begins to overtake published more results that seemed to sponds to the energy of the bump, was it, but data analysis will continue be- reinforce the earlier data. But last week created during the collisions. But no yond the shutdown. A task force con- the DZero collaboration, also at Fermi- known particle has the correct mass, sisting of members of both the DZero lab, announced that they had tried to so the bump seemed to indicate that and CDF collaborations, as well as fi nd the same particle – and failed. a new, unpredicted particle had been theoretical physicists from Fermi- DZero and CDF each have their own found. The statistical signifi cance of lab, has already been set up to coor- detector at Tevatron, a proton-antipro- the result was just below that needed dinate a study of the two analyses. A ton collider at Fermilab in Batavia, to claim a genuine discovery. spokesperson for the DZero collabora- Illinois. The detectors are physically However, when the DZero collabo- tion told the journal Nature that they different, so data collection and analy- ration tried to replicate the CDF’s re- should already have more than enough sis for each happens separately, giving sults they saw no bump, meaning no data to resolve the confl ict. independent results. extra events and no new particles. Several theory papers that try to The events of interest in this case oc- DZero has submitted a paper to the explain the CDF results had already cur when a proton and antiproton col- journal Physical Review Letters de- been submitted to the online preprint lide and produce a W boson – a type tailing its fi ndings, and the group held server arXiv before DZero announced of force particle that mediates weak a seminar last Friday to announce the their take on the fi ndings. Even if the interactions between fundamental result before publishing a preprint of bump does prove to be a fl uke, there particles and two jets of other parti- the paper online. are many reasons to look for physics cles. The rate at which this interaction Since the DZero and CDF experi- beyond that provided by the standard should occur can be calculated using ments were set up they have published model of particle physics. Any new the standard model of particle physics. around 500 papers between them result would be added to a long list of When the CDF looked at the data from and have only disagreed a handful of motivations for theorists to crack on a bunch of events they found that the times. This time, the odds seemed to with developing new models. Protons and anti-protons are collided in the Tevatron collider at Fermilab Why does it always rain on me?

We are in drought before spring is It’s not because you even (legally) over – that rather rails against wetness, either by being poured lied when you were on or by being wet. I do not doubt that the climate is seventeen. Sam changing – it is a certainty even based on the chemistry alone. But are we los- Furse discusses ing sight of it all just a bit? Apart from a 0.5 °C increase in temperature which Britain’s recent is common knowledge, the glaciologi- cal defi nition of ‘ice age’ means we are drought, fl oods and in the middle of one at the moment. We are also in the middle of a mass-extinc- the plight of the blue xxx tion event. In Earth’s history the oceans have been fi lled with water-soluble iron whale Rain drops keen falling on my head, but we’re still having a drought. Very confusing... oxides and there have been tropical for- ests at the poles. So how seriously do we take this? It ike recovering alcoholics questioned publically about this. This This makes sense given what we know ing in parts of the country that have not is a crying shame that the blue whale, everywhere, Britain has might seem reasonable in some con- about the physical behaviour of meth- seen such weather conditions before, the largest animal ever to have lived woken up to the declara- texts: questioning them as though they ane and carbon dioxide. Although the but how often these places have wit- on the Earth, will be extinct in the next tion of droughts in sev- are any more responsible for climate mean temperature is predicted too im- nessed fl ooding throughout their entire couple of thousand years because whal- eral parts of the Kingdom. change than the rest of us is unreason- perceptibly to the average person (0.5 history is not clear. It is slightly hard to ing has reduced numbers and thus the Queendom. Whatever it is – it is dry. able. So far water companies and the °C), there will be a decrease in cold work out what this means. First, me- genetic diversity to 1% of what it was LIt is also the fi rst half of June after a Department for the Environment have weather and an increase in the number teorologists seem to tout the idea that even 500 years ago. The opposite point stinking cold winter. It is tempting to been bullied about it on the BBC’s To- of hot periods. This is mathematically how wet something is is entirely de- is that evolution cannot stand still. Like strike up something British and indig- day programme, but that is only really rational too. However, we were told that termined by how often water is poured language, politics and even reality tel- nant about why the weather is what it about short-term measures for human Britain’s climate would become warmer onto it by natural means. This means evision, it has to change and move. The is and how exacerbating, inexplicable or water consumption. What about the and wetter. Of course, warmer makes that places like Antarctica (made of loss of amazing and boring species alike inconvenient it is. Although British, I more serious long-term aspects? sense but that hardly reconciles with the ice – for the time being anyway) and makes room for new ones. It is sad that am also a scientist and am going to take The IPCC and others have published fact that we’ve just had the coldest win- the Atacama desert next to the Pacifi c the dinosaurs disappeared, but without that perspective. data suggesting that the changes to our ter in years. Ocean are amongst the driest on the that happening, there would have been Suspiciously, or perhaps not, cli- atmosphere will result in an increase in The wetter climate is also ponder- planet. So, does wetter mean wetter or no room for the blue whale or us, come mate change scientists have yet to be the average temperature of the Earth. able. How is this so? We have fl ood- watered? to that. 10 FRIDAY 17 june 2011 FELIX Business Editors: Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos BUSINESS [email protected] Business News A new tech bubble Greek and Irish debt Alexandru Podgurschi sees history repeating itself The prospect of Greece and Ireland defaulting on their debt is once again on the minds of sover- eign bond investors. “It’s 100 percent certain that Greece will default,” according to financial historian Niall Ferguson, “The only question is what euphe- mism will be dreamt up to cloak the fact that it’s a default.” Investors are particularly concerned that Iceland’s rapid recovery and return to the international capital markets could encourage the “bankrupting yourself to recovery” approach. “People should be careful when it comes to drawing comparisons between Ice- land on the one hand, and Greece, Portugal, Spain and Ireland on the other,” Iceland’s Finance Minis- ter Steingrimur J. Sigfusson warned in an interview in Reykjavik. “Iceland didn’t have the ability to save the banks. Trying to rewrite the events that led to that eventuality as some sort of an export product is irresponsible.” Mr. Stigfusson went on to say, “Iceland should be humble and avoid advising other countries, es- pecially when it comes to banking. What happened was an emergency situation which couldn’t be avoided.”

Fed considers formal targets

The US central bank, the Federal Reserve, is con- sidering setting explicit inflation targets, as used by most other central banks, such as the Bank of England. The Federal Reserve currently uses the so-called ‘dual mandate’ system, where it aims in general terms to keep a ‘prudent balance’ between employ- ment and inflation. Their view is that these two are inverseley correlated and thereofre need to be bal- LinkedIn’s owners celebrate their IPO by pointing and laughing at the poor people standing beneath them anced out through central monetary planning. Since this mandate was introduced in the 1960s, the Fed has been able to vary this balance according to per- ou might have still been running have in mind. year by pursuing long-term goals regardless cieved economic conditions. around your primary school The company went public on the 19th of of short-term consequences. Its latest ambition The Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke, has long argued grounds in the late 1990s, but May and sent investors into a frenzy. The stock seems to be achieving global coverage, as it for this move to explicit targets. The move may be the Internet was about to wit- price skyrocketed from $45 per share to over expands in other markets such as Japan, Rus- being hastened by the growing criticism of the bank ness its largest market revolu- $94 within a day, thus evaluating the company sia and most recently China. What everyone is in recent years. tion. While Silicon Valley has seen its fair at approximately $8.9billion. While that sure anxiously waiting for is the day Facebook will Yshare of bubbles over the last decade, the dot- led to a lot of champagne being drunk at the fi nally fi le for an IPO, despite the fact that ev- com bubble that marked the turn of the century LinkedIn offi ces in Mountain View, California, eryone at Facebook avoids announcing a date was probably the most signifi cant. Now econo- it prompted market analysts to consider wheth- at all cost. Osborne endorses firewalls mists warn us that a new bubble may threaten er the new wave of IT companies to go public Investors are clearly willing to provide the the stability of Internet-based companies: the are considerably overvalued. funds, putting signifi cantly more emphasis on initial public offering (IPO) bubble. And the LinkedIn is the fi rst major social networking the brand value of the companies than on the The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, fi rst company to defi ne it is LinkedIn. website to go public and therefore became the revenue and profi t generated. What has been used his annual Mansion House address to the City LinkedIn has been known amongst business- fi rst indicator of just how much social media is sold in the market so far has been the potential of London’s financial elite to endorse proposals for men as a professional Facebook, a tool to make worth in the modern world. What sets it apart rather than the actual profi t that these websites banks’ retail operations to be ring-fenced from their new connections and expand their professional from other social networking websites is the present. investment divisions. network. Launched in 2003, LinkedIn has be- fact that it has a clearly defi ned revenue source Whether the surge in share prices of hot Strict separation of investment and retail banking come the global tool for professional network- that is not limited to online advertisement. new internet companies is another bubble activities have been the subject of proposals for dec- ing, now claiming over 100 million members. Users can choose from a selection of account like the one that shook the tech world in the ades, and have gone in and out of being law. The lat- That is several times less than what facebook types, ranging from the free one to the Execu- late 1990s remains to be seen, but economists est calls have been growing since the financial crisis can boast about, but there are no 12 year-olds tive one. While Executive does sound cool, it maintain their usual scepticism. California of 2008. Advocates hope it will limit the impact of thinking the whole world needs to know they will leave you $74.95 poorer per month. has once fallen for the dot-com bubble and future bank failures of consumers. Opponents see just had a snack on LinkedIn. It keeps you in Groupon now seems determined to follow. this new one seems remarkably similar. If you it as unnecessarily hampering the ability of banks touch with people you have worked with or The company was founded less than three happen to have a revolutionary and popular to return to profitability and repay the taxpayer for met at a networking event, lets you track a years ago and is often referred to as the fastest social network to sell though, now would be their bailouts. company, look for and advertise a job or sim- growing company ever. Despite that claim, it a good time to head up to Silicon Valley and ply fi nd others interested in a business idea you still managed to lose about $400 million last do it. unionpage UNIONAWARDS2011 Union Awards are our chance to say thank you to all the members that have COLOURS volunteered for the Union this year. Without our volunteers, Imperial College Union would not function. Thanks again to all who make the Union what it is. Ahmad Alsaadi Roger Liew Hamza Shaikh Diana Anderson Chia Lim Aamir Shamsi Dominic Andradi Brown Benjamin Lindsey Varun Sharma Aaron Berk Kin-Hing Lo Christine Simpson Elwin Carlos Roxanne Middleton Shivendra Singh David Coolegem Annalan Navaratnam Michael Squire Bernice Cutler Isaac Obisanya Charles Thomas Rory Fenton Jack Patten Ryan Tunstall Elizabeth Griffi ths William Pearse Marcus Ulmefors Joseph Harris Stefan Piatek Kevin Wallace Stuart Haylock Charles Poon Oliver Wilkie Jasmin Hodgson Gregory Power Edward Willans Vanessa Hume Kajann Prathapan Simon Worthington Mevani Jagodage Uthishtan Ranjan Jennifer Zanin Robin Jones Thomas Rushton Christina Kontoghiorghe Mohammad Salamsi

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This year’s Summer Ball, which is tomorrow if you are reading this on Friday, is poten- tially a fork in the road. If it proves to be a great success then the Union will have been vindicated and there will be a powerful argument for its continued expansion. If it is not a great success, there will be cause to step back and reflect. Either way there are lessons to be learnt but they must not be the wrong lessons. Stephen Smith Let us take the first outcome. That the number of tickets sold reaches or even de- t is a strange quirk of the British fies expectations. That the experience of media that it is generally harshly the majority of students who attend the critical of the internal affairs of Ball is overwhelmingly positive and that the our government, yet often almost increased focus on live music and the fes- blindly supportive of our affairs tival atmosphere is vindicated as the right outside the EU. Consider, for instance, move. The plans that the Union laid out last NATO’sI recent intervention in the Lib- week, that they have this week clarified as yan civil war. Major newspapers rarely a “vision” rather than a concrete strategy, seriously questioned whether the heavy will have received a boost. There is no bet- bombardment of Tripoli was a breach of ter way to gauge student opinion than to UN Resolution 1973. More importantly, count the number of people who voted in fa- few major newspapers asked in any vour with their feet. But the Union must be depth about why our government was With its romanticised coverage of the Libyan rebels, is the British media ‘rolling over’ on Libya? careful not to mistake this boost for carte apparently so keen to use our resources blanche. They have made the right noises to “protect civilians” in Libya, but not in about doing a better job of bringing student Syria, Yemen or Bahrain. swallowed and published by the Britishh Rarely do media sources stray input on board, but they must deliver on The government’s reason – “humani- media, and NATO then used this mediaa these promises. The need to plan the Ball tarian concerns,” – was accepted and frenzy to justify their intervention. Thee far from the allegedly neutral in advance carries with it the danger that lauded by many, and treated with cyni- revelations about NATO’s exaggerated students are only able to tweak the details cism by others. In an interesting (but claims have rarely been published in BBC version of foreign affairs instead of building the foundations. In this extremely short and under researched) British newspapers, presumably because respect the Sabbs, as student representa- article in The Guardian, Neil Clark the others fear the embarrassment of ad- tives, have an important role to play. suggested that the real reason for the mitting that they were wrong. Why is it, then, that the media seems The alternative outcomes are that the Ball intervention was to further Western It may seem, then, that The Guardian so reluctant to question our foreign af- is a damp squib or, god-forbid, a unmitigated economic interests in the Middle East. is the pinnacle of quality journalism, but fairs? I get the impression that it may be disaster. There is no denying that this would Regrettably, he went no further in his I do not believe this to be the case. The a feeling of over-infl ated national impor- be a vote of no confidence in the Ball, but it claim. At no point did he mention the fact that The Guardian has been slightly tance left over from the days of the Brit- would be wrong to assign blame to this or very important factors in the matter that more commendable than other newspa- ish Empire. that aspect of the Ball without evidence. would have greatly strengthened his ar- pers on a number of occasions, does not We subconsciously hold on to the ri- It’s not often that one gets to compare gument: that Libya is an oil-rich coun- mean that it is much better than the rest diculous belief that those outside Europe ongoings in the Union with ongoings in Par- try; that Gaddafi is an unstable leader; of the British media. In the article I men-“and North America are poor, under-de- liament and Government, but this happy, that the rebels seemed to have the up- tioned earlier by Neil Clark, he gives veloped barbarians, who need our help or unhappy opportunity (depending on your per hand in March, and that a military no evidence supporting his claims, nor to be “brought into the modern world”. view) has arisen in the case of the Summer intervention would make the future any deep analysis beyond a wink and a As a result, our media institutions take Ball. The Government was forced to pause (rebel) Libyan government indebted to nudge in the direction of Western impe- the government’s “humanitarian” in- the NHS reforms and embark on a listen- the West. rialism. Compare this with the excellent volvement in countries” like Libya at ing exercise after the fierce opposition to That few major British media outlets range of articles by Al Jazeera journal- face value – only our military help can Andrew Lansley’s reforms. The reforms are went any further than to insinuate eco- ists on the same matter with comprehen- boost “the economy and the prosperity now substantially changed. If the Ball fails nomic reasons demonstrates the jour- sive source-citation and deep analysis. and security of [Libya’s] people,” said to impress, and we hope that this does not nalistic disease that has been around What’s more, many of these articles are the Telegraph. prove to be the case, we would urge the for decades; very rarely do private me- written by UK- and US-based writers Alas, it is beyond the scope of this ar- Union to embark on a similar listening initia- dia sources stray far from the allegedly (Joseph Massad, Noam Chomsky, Larbi ticle to directly criticise British (or US) tive this year, before students leave for the neutral BBC version of events when it Sadiki). foreign policy, but I do think that our summer holidays and before the ground- comes to foreign affairs. Many will argue that the Qatar-based nation’s attitude towards itself is in dire work for next year’s Ball begins to be laid Take, as another example, British in- Al Jazeera will naturally have a more in- need of reconsideration. The fact that down. It would demonstrate the Union’s volvement in the NATO bombing of Yu- depth view of Middle Eastern politics. the most well-researched, and unbiased responsiveness to its students but further- goslavia in 1999. At the time, the British But surely, the fact the UK is participat- journalism on British foreign affairs is more it would ensure without any doubt that media praised NATO for its intervention ing in military action demands serious from a Middle Eastern news corporation the plans for next year’s Ball would be finely in the region. After the event, facts came analysis by the British media. If the Iraq should shock our own newspapers into tuned to the wishes of the students that the to light which demonstrated that NATO war has taught us anything, it should be Have your say on rethinking the quality of their articles. Union is duty-bound to serve. had fabricated claims about genocide of that government reasons for military in- Perhaps more importantly, it should en- 100,000 Albanians to justify their inter- tervention should be very carefully and this article at courage us to treat what we read, hear vention. These claims had been quickly thoroughly analysed. felixonline.co.uk and see with an even more critical eye. FELIX Friday 17 june 2011 13 COMMENT Letter clarifying The minefield of social etiquette future of ow many times have you am pleased they have said so, I do not flatshare all add to the pile. There is even ever wanted to tell some- necessarily want to wear that pain on my an unwritten rule about the use of mobile Summer Ball one who is apologis- arm. I want to move on. I suppose there phones on trains, i.e. the more people ing to you, to **** off? is the big hug and “I’m-so-pleased-you- there are on a train, the more you should The Summer Ball is, for many, Not because they slept called” combination, but anything more try to avoid using your phone. Of course an opportunity for a final party with your best friend, but just because clearly from a cheap American drama, I some people do not care about such rules, with friends before the summer Hof the grovelling, sickening nature of cannot imagine. but everyone around them is silently fir- holidays or even the job market it. I amaze myself about how fervently Dodgy-coloured hair, breast augmenta- ing large telepathic daggers squarely at for anyone finishing their degree I want to sometimes. But equally, how tions and accents that make me want to them. and so, rightly, students want a often has an apology barely scratched rip off my ears aside, it is not just apolo- I suppose the question is partly ‘why say in how they say goodbye to the surface of the wrong it is attempting gies that make for a modern etiquette does any of this happen at all?’ Why do their year or even their degree. to right? minefield, but a variety of ‘new’ situa- I worry about what to say to someone The fact is that students were Samuel Furse These two examples are relatively easy, tions. I was asked if I wanted to go speed when they apologise to me, or when a involved in making this decision. but what about the middle ones, when dating last week. I am reliably informed woman with a predilection for 80s fash- You elected the Deputy President someone probably should apologise and that this has changed a lot – it is not the ion invites me to a party I don’t want to (Finance and Services), the Presi- does? There are various approaches one lonely stalker-fest that it is believed to be. go to? We are supposedly a less ‘but- dent and the Ents committee to could take. Some people thank them. I But that does not help with the etiquette toned-up’ society than we were 50 years do this job. am not so sure about this, but it would of the situation. Clearly in one’s three ago. People dress differently, and formal These 6 students, elected by show an acknowledgement of the apolo- minute slot, the need for jokes about un- titles are less common. However casual the student body to put on this giser’s effort. However if you think they christian acts with a banana are unlikely racism and people who wash only once event (amongst other things) de- should apologise, why thank them? I sup- to go down well. After all, one has hardly a week have also become less common. cided to make changes, some pose the opposite reaction would just be met the person, it is just not the time. Ironic really, as people who indulge in forced by practical necessity, the “It is not just to say nothing and walk away, but this is However a more circumspect approach these activities are normally called com- borough Council imposing restric- hardly positive re-enforcement. What if might just leave me with nothing to say, mon. Or at least are thought of as com- tions changing what we can do apologies that make they need to do it again? The chances are and so I would come across much like mon – no one is allowed to say it, that and when, and some out of choice that they simply will not bother. Telling ‘Tim nice but dim’. would be snobbish. Etiquette is clearly as but it’s important to remember, for an etiquette them “It’s fine/It doesn’t matter” is one It is not just these sorts of things people tricky a mistress as ever she was – be her these are the people that you, I have done in the past, but I feel a pang worry about – what to say and when, in a spandex boob tube or grovelling for the student body elected to make minefield” because often, it does matter. Though I how to behave, what one expects in a your forgiveness. these decisions. It’s also impor- tant to remember that you had a say in whether or not these deci- sions stood. When Union Council passed reports by the DPFS that stated more of college would be used, the event would start ear- lier and that there would be no Don’t forget to remember... marquee on the Queen’s Lawn students had a chance to make ’m a bit embarrassed. Y’see, rection. Despite being the foundation we could ever hope to be. Maybe this the changes they wanted. you’ve caught me at quite an in- of my current academic achievements, subconscious bouncer only retains what Last week an article was pub- opportune moment. I was going I can remember very little of my days really is important. If I were ever exam- lished saying that the Union has to write this letter on something in primary school. Fair enough, it was ined on my life, I know I’d never get a long term strategy to expand important, I’m sure of that. The a long time ago. And yet, I remember 100%. the Summer Ball to Hyde Park. only thing is... I can’t remember what vividly Mrs. Gulliford shooting me the Memory is one of the things that We’d like to clarify that this is not I was going to write about. You don’t most poisonous look after I yawned in make us who we are. Even in Imperial, a strategy that has been brought happen to know, do you? Wait! Hah, got class. This one, inconsequential mem- a personality isn’t formed by learning a before the Executive Committee it! Memory, that’s what it is. ory is the only thing I can pluck from textbook by rote. It’s crafted over time of the Union or to Union Coun- It’s a funny thing, isn’t it? For a start, the murky mists of that past. So far, this through myriad interactions with those cil and voted upon. It is an idea Rhys Davies we’re not quite sure where or what it pearl of synaptic-firing has been of no we know, those we love, those we hate. and a vision for the future from is. We know roughly where to find it use to me whatsoever and I can’t envis- We are a thousand conversations. If we the people that the student body – temporal lobe, second left at the hip- age a future when it ever would. But it couldn’t remember them, who would elected to put on this event – not pocampus – but after that, our sat-nav is implanted so firmly in my conscious- we be? necessarily one shared by every breaks down. And while we can come ness I know I’ll never forget it, even to I can’t remember what kind of bike student or student representa- up with some pretty theories to explain my final days. I was riding when I got lost in Pon- tive but the vision of the people mostly how it works, we still haven’t That’s the strange thing with mem- typridd but I can remember how glad students voted for. Any change got all the kinks worked out. ory, or one of many at least. We don’t I was to see my Dad again, even as he of venue would need to be dis- Déjà vu, for example. I, myself, have remember what is important, what is gave me a rollicking. I can’t remember cussed at the Executive Commit- it from time to time. Some say it’s a useful: the bones of the wrist before an what they asked when I came here for tee and Council of the Union. neural quirk, adding a notion of famil- exam, the interview time with a presti- my admissions interview but I can still A Summer Ball in Hyde Park iarity to the novel but I’m not entirely gious company or the phone number of feel the thin film of sweat that coated doesn’t necessarily reflect the convinced. Some mornings I wake up that girl from Metric. Instead, our heads me as I walked out of the room. I can’t wishes of the student body – ul- thinking what an odd dream I just ex- are filled with junk: the word “cus- remember what film we went to see on timately it is not our opinion but “We are a thousand perienced, that it could never happen, tard” in five languages, the number of our first date but I remember perfectly yours that matters. This year’s only to be left slightly spooked when pecks in a bushel, Ann Widdecombe’s how my girlfriend looked, stood there in Summer Ball will be a fun day for conversations. If we it comes to pass a few weeks later. It’s birthday. Gloucester Road Station. This memory- everyone who comes but if there something like having my very own Or- But, then again, I might have this all demon has better things to worry about are changes you’d like to make couldn’t remember acle of Delphi behind my retinas. wrong. Obviously an ordered and de- than facts and figures, dates and times. for next year then please come Of course, remembering things be- tailed memory is useful where exams In fact, I can’t even remember the date forward and make your voice them, who would we fore they’ve happened is strange in are concerned but life is more than a properly. I know it was roughly a year heard. The Union itself but there are still oddities even test. Maybe there is some gatekeeper ago. Almost exactly a year. Wait, actu- be?” when causality flows in the proper di- in our mind, more acute and astute than ally, it was a year ago to... Oh dear! DANCE C COMPANY Photo by: 16 Friday 17 june 2011 FELIX Arts Editor: Rox Middleton ARTS [email protected] Artifact Collaboration Emma Emerson (left, top) Lizzy Griffi ths (left, bottom) Students from Imperial and the Royal College of Art team up mma Emerson is currently y name's Lizzy Griffi ths and in daring collaboration. Meredith Thomas reports Estudying a RIBA Part 2 Archi- MI've been studying Biochem- tecture Masters at the Royal Col- istry at Imperial for nearly two lege of Art. After completing her years. I've always loved draw- n artist and a scientist undergraduate studies in Architec- ing and painting, and although walk into a bar. They fi nd ture at Brighton University, Emma my parents made sure I didn't each other incomprehen- went onto work with the Royal pursue art as a career, it has sible and mysterious and Institute of British Architect’s remained a hobby that I always fail to have a meaningful in-house think-tank, Building Fu- have time for. I am part of the conversation. They leave vowing never tures. She has been involved Leonardo Fine Arts society here Ato move out of their comfort zone again. in organising the 2009 London at Imperial and do the occasional Not really funny is it? Before I continue, Festival of Architecture with RIBA illustration for Felix, so a joint col- I must declare an interest in writing this London and spent a month with laboration with a member of the article. I am involved in organising col- the British Council in Venice at RCA seemed like a great idea. laboration between Imperial College the 12th Architecture Biennale. Our project involves growing fab- and the Royal College of Art (probably The upcoming Artifact exhibition ric from a bacterial culture, which the UK’s premier post-graduate school will present an investigation into is exciting because it is making of art). This daring plan is codenamed the architectural potentials of a art out of living organisms; it also Artifact. But more on that later... specifi c organic textile grown from ties in well with my biochemical It is almost a truism that the worlds of a culture of bacteria and yeast. background. We hope to make art and science are totally isolated from This collaboration has provided a structure out of this fabric that each other; isolated by their collective a platform to initiate discussion will be displayed in the Blyth Gal- rolls, methodologies and goals. In my surrounding sustainable futures lery over the summer, which will belief this is symptomatic of a danger- through an exploration into Biolog- be a fantastic opportunity to ous lack of understanding between ical Architecture and cutting-edge show how art and science can these two vital components of a func- symbiotic materials. complement each other tional and vibrant culture. Studying, as we do, in a university exclusively dedi- cated to science and engineering it is easy to forget that there are other modes of thought, just as necessary and valid. There is even a degree of hostility di- rected towards other areas. During the debate over higher education funding I heard a number of colleagues angrily question why degree subjects, other than the sciences (and grudgingly law) received funding at all when they “gave no benefi t to society”. A particular ha- tred was reserved for degrees like fi ne art. The lack of understanding swings gap but they are the exception rather provide a driving force for research. An both ways. I once fell out badly with a than the rule. example of this is the reactive dyes now friend who claimed that “my relentless So given these problems, what does available to fashion designers. A lot of Chloé Brillatz Elliott P. Montgomery logic left me dead to the dead to beauty Artifact hope to achieve? I have al- the fi nance and motivation for advances and spirituality”. For the health of our ready suggested that the culture clash in this area has come from the fashion Chloé Brillatz is a UCL plan- Elliott P. Montgomery uses de- friendship we now avoid discussion of can cause hostility but I think there is industry. I recently spoke to a textiles etary science masters student. signed artifacts to raise questions all philosophical matters. a greater danger; that of missed oppor- designer working with our chemistry She studied maths and phys- about impact responsibility. He is As an engineer with a strong interest tunities. When science and art come department to develop CO2 reactive ics in classes préparatoires in in the Design Interactions depart- in the arts I feel compelled to challenge together some pretty spectacular things inks. Clothes made from these fabrics Paris and engineering geology ment at the Royal College of Art, these attitudes. Yet it is hard to deny can happen. blacken in atmospheres with high emis- at L'Ecole Nationale Supérieure and previously earned a bachelors that a real gulf exists. I would love to The mysterious world of research and sions; clearly a spectacular way to high- de Géologie de Nancy in France. in industrial design at Carnegie argue that the distinction we make be- the insights it offers frequently serves light environmental concerns. Last year she worked for two geo- Mellon University in Pittsburgh. tween “geeky types” and “arty types” as inspiration for artists. You may have Artifact has taken its cue from an- technic engineering companies in In the past, he has worked with is a false one, but I do not believe that spotted the work of Helen Pynor, cre- other example of people from different Paris and in San Francisco. She start-ups, non-profi ts, and govern- in all honesty I can. In my experience ator of ‘Headache’ (Felix No#1479). worlds exhibiting a total inability to un- enjoyed being a geotechnic engi- ment agencies. there is a genuine difference in patterns Here an artist, so affected by contact derstand each other, men and women. A neer but she wanted to discover The work for the Artifact ex- of thought. As scientists, we are trained with Imperial’s very own Dr Dexter, speed dating event took place last term research in another fi eld she hibion, in collaboration with Chloé to be ruthlessly rational and fi lter every- went on to produce a piece dedicated with Imperial and Royal College of Arts likes – planetary science. She Brillatz, is a historical recounting thing we observe and conclude through to exploring brain diseases. In my view students and staff invited. The mark of got in touch with Artifact because of the efforts of geologist August a strictly logical framework. In contrast the controversy surrounding her use of a a successful match, was not romance, she sees in sharing scientifi c Haquet, who in 1968 was the fi rst art graduates have been taught to devel- human brain unfairly distracted the pub- but an eagerness to work together on a knowledge a way to improve hu- to propose the notion that por- op their intuition and exhibit heightened lic from a good news story. A respected collaborative project. The fruits of these man minds and human societies. tions of the planet are not native sensitivity to the subtleties of emotion contemporary artist and a top researcher partnerships, drawing on the strengths According to her, universe explo- to Earth. The project will take and aesthetic. Being used to thinking in were working together to raise public of both parties will grace the walls of ration gives humility and respon- the form of reenactments of mo- a particular way makes it very diffi cult awareness of multiple sclerosis and Par- The Blyth Gallery this September. sability to people. In that sense ments from Haquet's work. A se- for one group to understand the work of kinson’s disease in a thoroughly laud- Through the collaboration we hope not she works with Elliott Montgom- ries of photographs from this re- the other unless pains are taken to make able and effective manner. only to give people a glimpse into life ery to share scientifi c knowledge enactment will be the fi nal output, it particularly accessible. This is a gen- Examples of art inspiring science are on the other side but to develop real and to raise ethical questions along with a recorded reading of eralisation, there are plenty of individu- undoubtedly harder to come by. How- dialogue between members of these two through art. this fi ctional history. als and even institutions who bridge the ever the arts in general can certainly institutions. FELIX Friday 17 June 2011 17 Books Editor: Guo Heng Chin [email protected] BOOKS The misadventures of a Nobel physicist Ian McEwan’s foray into comic satire

Guo Heng Chin Michael Beard. His wife’s affair makes ing music in a way that engages even him more drawn to her, as he begins to the music-illiterate readers, McEwan Ian McEwan’s latest book, Solar, is realize that Patricia is his perfect lover. delved less into the physics behind Mi- probably the lightest piece he’s written Depressed and jaded, he decides to take chael Beard’s fi eld (perhaps not to bore to date. It is a departure from the seri- up an offer to go on an Arctic expedi- readers), save for the Beard-Einstein ous, dark tones characteristic in most tion with a motley bunch of artists to confl ation. The maths behind the Beard- of the work that McEwan is renowned discuss environmental concerns. Upon Einstein confl ation is not described in for (such as Atonement, Amsterdam his return, an accident triggers a chain detail, for obvious reasons. McEwan and First Love, Last Rites). Solar is a of events in which the truth is ironic and did however explored climate change satirical fi ction that follows the life of misunderstood in a very McEwanesque with some depth and his description of Nobel laureate physicist Michael Beard way. Michael Beard’s experience in the Arc- and satires the current effort in tackling It is nice to see Ian McEwan foray tic felt exceedingly real. Ian McEwan climate change. into comic satire. He is an author whose himself spent some time with a group of The novel opens in 2000 with Mi- writing style would fi t snugly into the scientists and artists abroad a ship near chael Beard in his fi fties. Though one of genre: his cynical tone is perfect for sat- the north pole in 2005, which was the the most respected physicist in Britain, ire and his dark, no-punch-held humour basis for inspiration for Solar. Michael Beard is disillusioned with his makes for a lot of literally laugh out The other thing that lets down the job as the ‘mascot’ of the National Cen- loud moments. Some of the best laughs book might be the plot. It may be a bit tre for Renewable Energy. A hallmark are in the fi rst half of the book, espe- slow for some people, but once it gets of mid-life crisis, Beard fi nds that his cially during the Arctic expedition. As off it’s a page-turner. There are though, well of inspiration has dried up since usual, Ian McEwan brilliantly sets the some parts of the book that felt redun- coming up with the Beard-Einstein stage for the pivotal accident in a man- dant, perhaps it’s a symptom of ‘lack of confl ation which propelled him to fame ner which will sweep you off your feet editor’ where a novelist became so fa- and won him the Nobel. His personal when you reach it and ensure that you mous that the publishing house dare not life is tumultuous; after cheating on will not see coming. assign an editor to edit the work, thus his fi fth wife Patricia, he is at the butt Unlike Ian McEwan’s Booker-win- resulting in a draggy plot (e.g. the last end of her recrimination as she starts ning Amsterdam, Solar felt less well few Harry Potters). Next week: on an affair with Tarpin the builder, a researched. Whereas in Amsterdam, Solar is an enjoyable read with unfor- violent simpleton who is the complete McEwan gets into the head of a com- gettable comic moments and sharp sat- An epic opposite of the intellectual and weak poser and the nitty-gritty of compos- ire, but it is not Ian McEwan at his best. Fantasy finale Looking for a better book to read A lacklustre second novel in the trilogy

Rhys Davies characters, and this helps to engage the but there are moments when the style of reader. Instead, in this book, Alexander writing shines through. Griffi ths has a I have always been an avid reader, ever travels to a nearby forest village on an colourfully inventive way of describing since a young age. I’m not picky either errand that is ultimately revealed to be things, if not always tasteful. I feel there – as long as I have something papery in completely pointless. The rest of the is the potential for something better, my hands, I’m glad to read it. I’ll read – early part of the book is spent drinking which is unfortunately missed out on. and enjoy – mostly anything. in a bar. However, that creative style is a dou- I say mostly because try as I might, That too is another problem. I get the ble-edged sword. The book is populated I just couldn’t enjoy Looking for Mrs feeling that this is supposed to be a fun- by a cast of colourful characters, each Dextrose by Nick Griffi ths. The book ny book but I was left feeling rather un- one with their own distinctive accents. focuses on the adventures of Alexan- derwhelmed. Either I’m missing the vast While funny if heard aloud, transferred der/Pilsbury Dextrose as he attempts to majority of the jokes or it simply isn’t to great swathes of print makes them track down his mother, drunkenly left that funny. A great deal of the “humour” near unintelligible, obstructing the story behind by his father, Harrison Dextrose revolves around the drunken character at hand. Several times I had to stop and on one of his own adventures across the of Harrison Dextrose but being constant- work out what a character was saying – globe. On paper, it sounds like the basis ly drunk, asleep or unhygienic is hardly never a good sign. for an exciting story. Why then can it amusing, in this book at least. Looking for Mrs Dextrose is the sec- not even raise a yawn from me? His son, Alexander, is not much bet- ond book in a trilogy. Based on what Firstly, I found it quite dull. In the ter. As protagonists go, he is more than I’ve read, I don’t think I’ll bother with fi rst hundred pages, nothing of any note Want to a bit wet. He comes across as very reac- the fi rst or last books. It is not a bad happened. The prime chance to grab my tive, very rarely acting on his own ini- book. It does have its occasional re- interest – wasted. I am aware that even write about tiative. The fi rst person narrative from deeming features if you can summon great books take time to build story literature? him is a mix of social embarrassment, the will to carry on with it. But I found and pace but I don’t think this is one of Email neurosis and cowardice, which is mildly it quite boring, far less than it promised. them. Writers like Tolkien take a great entertaining and is the only thing that You can read it for yourself and see if deal of time and pages describing the books.felix@ makes the book readable. you disagree with my harsh appraisal. background, both of the world and the imperial.ac.uk Plot and character are both pedestrian But I wouldn’t get your hopes up. 18 Friday 17 JUNE 2011 FELIX Music Editors: Greg Power Luke Turner Stephen Smith MUSIC [email protected] Competition

Another competition! We have two Lovebox tickets to give away for FREE! Artists such as Skream, The T in the Park Wombats, Roll Deep, Metronomy, Example, Ed Sheeran and Architecture in Helsinki are dying for Katherine Portilla takes a look at Scotland’s fi nest weekend you to win the pair of tickets and come to see them live at Lovebox on Friday 15th July. To get your hands on these (that’s over £60 worth his will be the eighteenth T in the of tickets) all you need to do is send the word “Love- Park taking place on the second box” to [email protected], or, post the ques- weekend of July in the region of tion “Can I please go to Lovebox Mr Editor sir?” Kinross-shire, Scotland. Contrary (or any other witticism of your choosing) on Felix’s to what the name may imply this Facebook wall by Tuesday 21st June to enter the is not your average tea party, or perhaps bet- draw. Tter said it’s nothing of the sort! Named after Any submissions recieved after 21st June may its main sponsor, the brewing company Ten- not be considered. Please be aware that the tick- nents, T in the Park is a festival known to offer ets will grant you entry to Friday at Lovebox only, a huge variety of fi rst class music and this year you will not have access to Saturday or Sunday. is no exception. 2011’s line-up includes big The winning author will be informed by email by names such as Coldplay, the Arctic Monkeys Friday 24th June. The Editor’s decision is fi nal. and Foo Fighters whose performance records promise not to disappoint. While The Killers have made several appearances at T over the years, Brandon Flowers returns on his own this time around having released a solo album last year. Beyoncé and MCR are sure to get the crowd pumped and the list goes on with nu- Burly, Strongbow-drinking Scotsmen say ‘Come to Kinross or I’ll deep-fry your legs!’ 1. Radiohead folk favourites such as Noah and the Whale Most and the successful Jimmy Eats World. 2. Daft Punk Originally a two-day festival, T in the Park listened to 3. Kanye West has evolved into a major music experience and bass? Pendulum alongside Chase and Sta- 4. Coldplay spanning a total of seven main stages over a Dates: 8 – 10 July 2011 tus will be there to provide the heaviest of bass. this week by 5. Bon Iver three day weekend. Previous years have seen Location: Balado, Kinross Special treats such as City and Colour, the ital- 6. Arcade Fire performances by the Kings of Leon, Moby, Price: £185 ian electronic and dance music project Bloody Felix Music 7. Muse Muse and The Chemical Brothers among Website: www.tinthepark.com Beetroots Death Crew 77 and many more will members on 8. Two Door Cinema Club others. A large camping area is completed with make this year’s festival one to remember. 9. Bloc Party an array of various stalls and shops to cater for Tickets for the festival start at £185 for full 10. Fleet Foxes all tastes and fancies. Three days of top notch weekend camping, where for an additional last.fm bands and artists not enough? Seek some disco as well. tenner you can arrive earlier and start the party thrills in an expansive funfair complete with Festivities will carry on into the wee hours of on the Thursday! A variety of single or two day a big wheel or take a gander into this year’s the morning with house legends such as Dead- passes are also available, in addition to lockers Join in at: http://www.last.fm/group/Felix+Music Ceilidh tent for some Gaelic fun. In addition, mau5, Swedish House Mafi a and Scotland’s and campervan tickets. Note that parking tickets T often shows host to a comedy tent and silent own Calvin Harris on deck. Prefer some drum must be bought in advance. Make sure not to miss Guillemots

Southbank Centre, Waterloo London’s Lovebox is an indie-fan’s heaven Saturday, 18th June 2011 www.southbankcentre.co.uk Stephen Smith Dates: 15 – 17 July 2011 If you’re not planning on getting to the Summer Ball This week’s Felix Music competition gives Location: Victoria Park, London E3 until 6, make sure you head over to the Southbank you the chance to get free tickets to Friday at Price: £99 Centre for Bandstand Busking featuring the epic Lovebox, East London’s award-winning medi- Website: www.lovebox.net and brilliant Guillemots as well as She Keeps Bees, um-sized festival. If you are the lucky winner, Peggy Sue, Woodpigeon and Sam de la Haye. you’ll get to see dubstep king Skream, indie- Bandstand Busking forms part of the Southbank pop deities The Wombats alongside famous Centre’s annual Meltdown festival (this year curat- electro-pop outfi t Metronomy and many, the music. For art lovers, there’s the multi-dis- ed by The Kinks’ singer and songwriter Ray Davies) many more (see above). ciplinary arts stage Circus Kinetica as well as which has already featured a large number of great But Friday is not the only day. The festival a mystery art installation, Fringe Street. and eccentric artists this year, including a fantasti- extends over an entire weekend, and the music Small-scale dance stages are in copious sup- cally bizarre performance by US indie royalty Yo La just gets better and better. ply with In the Trees, NYC Downlow and a Tengo last Sunday. Saturday sees a combination of great new DJ van, Art Against Knives, dotted around Bandstand Busking, which has in past years fea- artists and old favourites, with US post-punk the festival. tured Emmy The Great and Wild Beasts, is abso- band The Drums and the BBC’s Sound of To enter our competition to win tickets to lutely free of charge for all, so it’s a great way to see 2011 winner Jessie J taking the stage along- Friday at Lovebox, simply e-mail the word one of the UK’s most exciting bands on a student side very popular pop-singer Lykke Li and the “Lovebox” to [email protected] or write budget. celebrated Snoop Dogg. on the Felix Facebook wall. While you’re on the Southbank, you should also If that’s just not enough to encourage you to Lovebox: like the Summer Ball but with Alternatively, if you want to get tickets for more black ties pop into the nearby Hayward Gallery to see their get down to Victoria Park in July, Sunday sees the whole weekend, you can buy them for exhibition of Traccey Emin’s life and work. Tickets 70s pop-punk gods Blondie perform alongside £108.50 on ticketmaster.co.uk or £99 on HMV are only £9 for Students, and there is free entry to the hugely popular Scissor Sisters, RnB queen Tickets. Tickets are running low as the festival the rest of the gallery. Stephen Smith Kelis and Swedish pop royalty Robyn, as well 2ManyDJs and Beth Ditto. date approaches so make sure to buy now to as a huge number of other top artists such as But there’s much more to Lovebox that just avoid disappointment. FELIX Friday 17 JUNE 2011 19 MUSIC Did you get BONED? If the answer is yes, Gregory Power personally wants to shake your hand

Photos by Christopher Walmsley hanks to the 150 or so ba- dasses who came out to BONED at Metric last Sat- urday! Hope you had a good time. The night was a suc- cess. Check out Christopher Walmsley’s awesomeT pics of the night on the Felix Facebook page. A huge thank you to Will and Chrissie for the sound and lights. Thanks for all the great performers too: The Inescapable Fate Jam Band, Ramy Kozman, SMB, Phrij, the rest of the losers from Operation Midnight Cli- max, our special guest Becoming Real, Monsk and utter nutter Niiiiiiiiiice- berrrrrrrrrg. Support independent tal- ent and Imperial art. PEACE. Becoming Real working the Mac power

Monsk getting ethereal like a bad man... Or in other words, Simon Hunter djiing like a guy with rolled-up sleeves Operation Midnight Climax, living up to their name by the looks of it...

London Underground: the fi nal installment of Techno Nonsense

Simon Hunter of the Boiler Room, and to celebrate, achieve popularity and the public as- they opened their doors to the public. sumes they are a DJ, so they all rush to For those of you paying any attention But this is Techno Nonsense, and I’m see a Deadmau5 DJ set and have no idea to the underground dance music scene supposed to be writing about labels, that all they saw was a guy playing his here in London, there has been one true so I’ll get back on track. The reason I own music from his laptop. star to emerge over the past year, and mentioned the Boiler Room is that it Ben UFO, Oneman and Jackmaster on that is the Boiler Room; yet describing is a spotlight for what is happening in the other hand know what they’re good it isn’t easy. It’s not a club night because the UK’s Bass music scene, and what at and stick to it. In any one set from the to get in you need an invite and it’s usu- I wanted this article to be about. But label-heads you are likely to hear 1970’s ally all over by 11pm. Rather, the whole I couldn’t choose a single label to fo- disco, 80’s house music, hip-hop, 90’s event is more like a radio show, broad- cus on. Hessle Audio, 502 Recordings garage and tracks that won’t be released casting over Ustream to thousands of and Numbers have all put out records ’til 2012. people sat at their laptops (like I have of such consistently high quality over That’s what makes the scene so excit- done numerous times, wishing my life the past year that you realise your mas- ing, you have really talented producers Jamie may be an NME favourite but you can’t deny his taste in wool wasn’t so dull). Every week, the biggest sive hatred for Will.I.Am is irrelevant. putting their own spin on genres such names in the underground scene make The three aforementioned labels have as grime, garage and dubstep, and bril- it down to Corsica Studios in Elephant released music from the likes of James liant DJs exhibiting the best in not just and Castle to play out to the lucky two Blake, Jamie XX, and many other qual- Ben UFO (co-founder of Hessle Audio), eryone’s a DJ these days”. True, but current music, but music that stretches hundred who got guest list, and to a few ity producers who aren’t also current Oneman (founder of 502 Recordings) very few people actually make any back decades. Can you tell I’m pretty thousand internet fans across the world. buzzwords at the NME. and Jackmaster (Numbers co-owner) moves in the dance music scene for be- excited about going to the Boiler Room This week marked the fi rst birthday Yet there are two sides to the story. are all DJs. “So what?”, you say, “ev- ing DJs alone. Most are producers fi rst, on Thursday? 20 FRIDAY 17 june 2011 FELIX Travel Editor: Chris Richardson TRAVEL [email protected] Why drive? Samuel Furse turns his back on four- wheeled transport (except for taxis)

have yet to take helicopter gun- but I never noticed a problem. What I ships seriously. Whenever I hear did notice was how long journeys took. about them—which has been A few times I was driven from North regularly since the business in London (near Enfi eld) to West London Libya kicked off—I immediately (near Maida Vale). The route took the think they are referring to something M25 and took no longer than any other outI of science fi ction, or at least Bucky as far as I could see. But it consistently O’Hare. took comfortably more than an hour and As you might imagine, this is a far cry a half. Sometimes two hours. The Pic- from commuting on the 0702 from Pad- cadilly line from Oakwood, changing dington to Didcot. The absence of guns, at Piccadilly Circus and the Bakerloo bombs and Kate Adie alerted me to this line to Maida Vale would take an hour quite early on, and Paddington station at most, in fact it can be done in 47 min- was the poorer for it I imagine. What utes according to the TFL website. If I was equally unaware of was any alter- you are a Londoner, you may scoff at native transport to work. If there were TFL’s estimates of journey times; rather no fast trains, as happened occasionally, like getting speeding points if you are I would get a slow one. It would be an- driving an old mini in a 50 miles an noying and take nearly twice as long. hour speed limit zone, they are more I moved to London ten years ago and something to aspire to than to expect. had never really used the tube before However, more than occasionally they then. I had used trains a bit, I went to do turn out to be true (TFL estimates school in the arse-edge of Kent and so that is, not furious Clarksons in dated in order to go anywhere interesting or small cars breaking the speed limit). I see anyone who did not live there, I thought little of it after that – just a quirk needed a train. If I did not want to be of those roads or whatever. accompanied by my parents that is. I But more recently (last year) I was of- was quite tempted to start driving at age fered a regular lift to my weekly riding 17. I got a provisional licence, and was lesson in Surrey. The plan was for a keen to start driving. Perhaps wisely, pick-up just near Vauxhall and a drive my parents would not let me drive their down through a combination of mo- cars (no idea why) and a year or so lat- torways, A roads and country lanes. It er I came to London to go to Univer- seemed a sensible route. I never really sity anyway, and never needed to drive. went to check this route but reason- Relations who live in the country have ing that the driver herself did not want since told me with a punishing regular- to spend more time in traffi c than she ity how important it will be to me if ever had to, and basing it on the pace of car I leave London. And they are probably journeys driven by my parents and so right. And now that I have a PhD and on, it all seemed normal. There was Prizes for anyone who can guess what this is a photo of? A train? Hah! How short-sighted. This is a photo of Mankind’s phallic domination of Mother Nature. Isn’t it obvious? am over 25 my insurance premiums will a week when my regular lift was not be less than they once were (apparently there though. I had taken myself to Drs get a discount. Clearly they have not Vauxhall, which was always slightly in- seen my friends from ICSM on a night convenient but doable, but she did not did ask for the quickest one and clear- cost of running a car for a teenage male out). And I live somewhere where there turn up. Ten minutes or so later we ex- “The slow but sure ly that is not it. The quickest route by who has just passed his test. More fl ex- is off-street parking, so not only would changed texts to the effect that she was road appears to be 3h32’, a full half an ibility than freedom, perhaps. the insurance for that be cheaper but the ill and not coming. Oh well, I will get improvement in hour longer than the railway one. Not You may have noticed earlier I inconvenience of it being broken in to the train, I thought. So, I got the tube to accounting for lavatory stops and the sneaked in that I had used a cab on or nicked would be somewhat reduced. Victoria and got the train down, got a railway infrastructure tractor in front of you of course. This some journeys and that said journey So, there was no longer anything to cab at the other end and made it to the journey does also rely upon an average was much quicker than a car alone stop me. The expectation was that as yard in rather less time than it would in Britain will leave speed of 54 mph. Yeah right. would have been. Clearly I would be soon as my PhD was over and I got a have taken for the car journey over all. With these examples, one may wonder disqualifi ed had this been a Top Gear decently-paying job I would get a car. I I also got the cab-and-train combina- the car standing” how the car has ever been useful. And challenge, but it was not. What the might have to save a bit, I cannot fi t into tion on the way back. I did not analyse clearly it has been and still is. Although cab did do though, was save me from a Smart car even if I really wanted to and this at the time, but later realised that train journeys are increasing in num- needing to walk. That part of the jour- a g-wiz looks to me like a self-opening if getting the train took half the time ber—the tube now carries 1,000 million ney would have taken me 40 minutes sardine tin that will not survive an alter- and half the fuss, and half the cost (no Paddington. Add half an hour for me to journeys every year, which it did not ten rather than the 10 it took in a cab. And cation with a cyclist, let alone anything tube journey to Vauxhall) meant there get to Paddington and what I am assured years ago—so are the number of cars on perhaps that is the point: cars are quick else. A nice little Volvo or something was little competition between the two. is a ten minutes walk from St David’s the road. However, cars are also coming if they prevent one from needing to would work though, I thought. So, only Also, the giver of said lifts and I ran out station at the other end and we have a under increasing fi re for their environ- walk, but they are slow when compared a matter of time. of things to say to one another rather round three hours for the journey. The mental impact. I am not sure what im- to railway travel. And slow up against In the mean time I was offered lifts for rapidly and so a change was welcome AA route planner judges the best road pact this aspect has for many 17 years railway travel in Britain?! That is a things. Clearly the expected standard of on those grounds too. route to be along the M4, loop around olds who are talking their driving test poor showing. my conversation outweighed the palpa- Most recently, I was offered an inter- Bristol and then take the M5 down to but something one would expect them Just imagine when the slow but sure ble decrease in fuel economy that result- view for a job in Exeter. At the time of Exeter. Another sensible-sounding to say would be that driving will give improvement in railway infrastructure ed from carting me around and outside writing I have yet to make the journey, route. Doubtless the M3 to Southamp- them a freedom to travel. This freedom means fast trains over all of the main the capital. I was never sure whether but looking up the trains, it seems that ton and then a sojourn along the south is not free though, as we know from a lines in Britain. It will leave the car this balance for my host ever came off, the railway journey will take 2h24’ from coast would be a pleasing path, but I back-of-an-envelope calculation of the standing. FELIX FRIDAY 17 JUNE 2011 21 TRAVEL Return of the Mummy Priya Garg visits Arequipa, sees a Incan mummy and cycles down an active volcano

Photos by Priya Garg requipa, informally the volcano. Becky managed another in- termed “la ciudad blan- human feat in the burning temperatures ca” due to its luxurious and thinning oxygen by racing the in- white buildings, almost structor up the tiered sandy hills. I took Arabic in stone and that opportunity to take a personal break construction, lies in the Andes moun- in the car just being glad it wasn’t me. Atains overlooked by the looming snow- The next day involved ‘voluntary’ peaked volcano of El Misti, which work at a local Peruvian school for chil- rises majestically some 5822 feet above dren living in extreme poverty. Taking a the city. Bordering El Misti lay the sum- bus to the outskirts of Arequipa we were mits of Chachani and Picchu Picchu, overwhelmed with the basic nature of the superstitious “Apus” or Inca homes the area; unfi nished one brick wall thick of the Gods and spirits controlling the houses, dirt strewn streets, rocks, rub- nature of the universe, nestling this an- ble, children with dusty faces picking cient town and UNESCO world heritage through the rubbish, and then one small site below their watchful eyes. three roomed school in which they could Our fi rst stop in this beautiful, dusty, learn English and Spanish. After sweep- sun-baked landscape was the museum ing and mopping we lay in wait for the to see a fourteen year old Inca maiden, scrum that formed at the gates. Sudden- Juanita, who was sacrifi ced at the top of ly there came a deluge of tiny children Mount Ampato through a mixture of a calling us “teacher” and pulling at our sedative drink and a blow to the head. sleeves asking us to show them how to Her body was an appeasement to the do a jigsaw puzzle, listen to them dis- restless earthly spirits who had, in the playing their counting talents or even Inca philosophy, caused the latest natu- give them a piggy back ride. After being ral disaster in anger against sins of the used as the local lift service around the Arequipian people. Left in a shallow playground from a series of three year grave with metallic llamas, embroidered old boys who gave me no rest, not even cloths, bowls and scallops, her body fro- when I lay fl at on the playground fl oor, zen in ice was preserved for hundreds where they all grabbed a leg and an arm Ermm guys? I think we’re cycling towards the active volcano? Guys? of years and discovered by chance in a and tried to spin me round, we made our crater to now fi nd itself inside a glass way exhausted but fi lled with a sense refrigerator. Here tourists can peer contentedness from the day. through their fi ngers and mist to gaze Chilli Creek (with several paddles). only for a huge wave to overthrow the On a whim, as the night crept in, we at her sinewy shrivelled muscles, still “It felt like riding Suitably dressed like two M&Ms in yel- raft causing speedy propulsion of its accepted an invitation from one of the growing long black hair, crooked teeth low puffy buoyant jackets, we added passengers downwards with the current, volunteers at the school to a local rock or hunched-over posture. Undignifi ed a Victorian Penny helmets and wetsuits then clambered Becky losing grip and disappearing into concert of a famous Argentinean band. as her current state may be, she allows in to our raft with one guide, one safety the rapids. Luckily she was fi ne, and I Joining the 9000 strong crowd we lis- a unique vision of a primitive, glorious Farthing over six- man and one extra canoe whose sole got my come-uppance the next morning tened to a mixture of salsa, heavy rock, and diffi cult period in one of the most purpose seemed to be to spray us in the on our cycle ride down an active vol- metal and Bob Marley covers as the fascinating bygone human civilisations. foot boulders [...] face. Splashing over rocks through the cano. light faded over the city, and it disap- Following this, and abandoning our Andean wilderness was a mixture be- Cycling El Misti, I had neither fac- peared to become thousands of fl icker- plans to fl y over Nascar to visualise the each bump juddering tween cold fi ngers, exceptionally beau- tored in the gravel and sand path, nor ing electric lights in the distance as fi g- mysterious Inca crop circles due to sev- tiful scenery and a shot of adrenaline. the lack of suitably sized bikes. Hence ures danced in the shadows. eral plane crashes and escalating prices, through our arms and One particular highlight was when the once at the peak, the massive distance On our fi nal day in Arequipa as we we decided to take our lack of water guide told us, “now hold on and when I between the male bike’s seat and han- bustled through the streets back to our ability and raft down grade 4 rapids up shoulders” say get in the boat, you get in the boat,” dlebars, meant that when perched upon hostel the ethereal sound of classical the bike it felt like riding a Victorian Beethoven violin music fl oated in the penny farthing over six foot boulders air. Stopping, captivated, Becky stared with each crunch, bump and skid jud- in to the Plaza D’Armas. “Where do dering all the way through our arms you think that is coming from Becky?” I and shoulders. The constant squeeze of asked, wondering what orchestra could brakes formed bruises on the surface of be playing at this time of the day in Peru. each palm. Far from being Lance Arm- “Whatever it is, it is beautiful” Becky strong, it was more like a toddler with replied. In answer to our question the training wheels, slowly taking each local garbage truck trundled round the skid and sand dune as it came. Becom- corner, blasting the choral symphony ing slightly more confi dent I looked up from its speakers with a toot of its horn. to see our descent down the path of the Farewell Arequipa and your odd singing volcano and promptly my front wheel garbage trucks, your white colonial build- locked and fl ew out of a pothole, throw- ings, your chequered travellers trousers, ing me off my seat and both my bike and extreme sports, still-active volcano and I down on to the sand path. absorbing Inca history. As the Peruvians Needless to say, I was more relieved shout and drum their feet whilst on their than Becky being on a ten hour toilet- public bus service, shouting in their driv- less bus bursting for a pee, when we fi - er’s ear “Vamos! Lima! Let’s go!” the time nally encountered an asphalt road where has come for the end of this trip, fi nal stop, Rafting on Chilli Creek Volunteering at the local school I could freewheel down to the base of Lima and then we shall see you very soon. 22 Friday 17 june 2011 FELIX

HANGMAN [email protected] Twatter Weiner sends picture of wiener via Twitter The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 ongressman Weiner has recently been His reaction to all this was to claim that he in a lot of trouble after sending various couldn’t say “with certitude” that it was not pictures of himself in his underwear, him in the photo. In other words: “Oh shit I re- guys, you haven’t told Miriam Cand naked, to women he has met on the Inter- ally regret taking that. Oh wait, hang on, I took about this girl I’ve been sexting? net. First of all, just to clear this one up, that’s a picture of my dick, but my face isn’t in the his real name. He’s the only politician who picture. So for all people know it wasn’t me”. Barack_attack_l33thaxor wouldn’t need to change his name on becoming Although it didn’t help his case out five days a porn star. Starring in politically charged porn later when more pictures, including naked where he hammers some sense into Sarah Palin ones, came to light. Some were semi-naked by hammering her senseless. It’s also likely he pictures he took of himself, with his Blackber- lol no. Have you actually met her in real life? uses “Congressman Weiner” as a pet name for ry, in the mirror at a gym, as apparently he’s an it. Congressman Weiner meets Senator Hand attention-seeking girl on Facebook. The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 and they hammer out some legislation together Finally he held a press conference admitting eventually spitting out a white paper. that he had sent the original photo, and that he no. She made me send some This all started when Congressman Weiner had done the same thing several times. He said pics of my dick though. That’s accidentally tweeted a picture of his boxer- he was “deeply ashamed” and that it was “very not weird right? That’s a lad covered erection. He had meant to send it pri- dumb” showing “terrible judgment”. This can Surprise entrant for the Felix centrefold thing to do yeah? I’m a lad vately to a woman as what he describes as a only be talking about the decision taken in the “joke”. The joke was presumably: “look at this original photo not to stuff his boxers, or at least SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 erect Weiner”. He claimed that his account had use Photoshop to digitally enhance himself. He cock and send them to women by various dif- been hacked. As apparently that’s what hack- admitted to swapping naked pictures of him- ferent means. The balls up, or actually more ers do; they send women pictures of erections. self by sexting as well as emails, Facebook and aptly cock up (inside his boxers) was acciden- The most troubling thing is that he didn’t even Twitter. How come he has so much time on his tally tweeting the picture. gahahahah. This is me keeping a straight face :Z try to make it look bigger by stuffing his box- hands? He said he used his Blackberry and It’s not just sending photos. He also appar- ers. What kind of fucking politician shows home computer. He must have a good Internet ently had phone sex with a woman he met Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! such poor judgment as to not make you look connection or his wife would definitely have on the Internet. When asked, he said he was like the porn star you sound like? Also he was caught him feverishly trying to upload a cock “reluctant” to say exactly what they did. So in just wearing some plain grey boxers. He’s try- shot as an attachment to an email. other words: yes he had phone sex. ing to impress someone and he hasn’t even put He referred to all of this as a “mistake”. He called up former President Bill Clinton to does she have a twitter? Who is on designer boxers for the job. Honestly what That’s partially true, but mistake usually im- apologise, and swap tips on bitches and hoes. this mystery bird? the fuck was he thinking. He deserves to lose plies that you accidentally do something once. Clinton probably just took the piss out of him The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 his job for such rookie errors. Not that you repeatedly take pictures of your for not even getting a blow job.

yeah but I’m not telling you her name coz you guys will just be dicks. She’s really nice. She’s a Ukranian primary school teacher the turnip Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Hangman’s Finest College News Source

I’m following her on twitter lol Water contaminated with plutonium, Barack_attack_l33thaxor alcoholics claim “we were right all along” me too lol. This is so funny. Better than the petis filous he recent surge in birth defects and ra- Those affected will get The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 diation sickness on campus have been traced back to the water from the foun- no special treatment, tainsT containing over 100,000 times the recom- mended limit of plutonium. The contamination due to it being Imperial first came to light when a student pulling an FFs. How did you guys find her? all-nighter went to refill his water bottle, only Alcoholics in the Union Bar and Young’s to notice it glow a faint green. “When I took a have responded to the news with a smug, slight- SexyOlechka69 sip it tasted like someone had dumped a reac- ly boozy sense of victory. “See! I knew water tor core in my mouth.” Others have described was bad for you!” claimed David O’Pierce be- heya guys. Welcome to following it as “Ukrainian”, “OH GOD IT BURNS” and fore collapsing into a puddle of his own sick in sexy olechka’s twitters. I teaches “slightly astringent”. the Quad. When told that bottled water was still children. I am a really so horny Tap water typically contains trace amounts safe he responded angrily, “I’ll bottle your ma! for my darling cleggyweggy <3 of chloride, fluoride, sodium and magnesium, And your donkey...” before passing out. as well as a significant amount of hydrogen and There have been unconfirmed reports of su- oxygen, so this inclusion comes as a surprise to perpowers as a consequence of drinking the DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK many. However, readers must be advised that water, including super-nerdiness, epic under- Send your photos to [email protected]. hydrogen peroxide also contains hydrogen and arm ‘fuzz’, and a heightened sense of superior- oxygen but tastes a lot more like death. It has ity. However, it is believed that radioactivity Try not to tweet them by accident... also appeared to wipe the smugness from tap only has the desired effect if administered via a Also available in bottled form, for water enthusiasts who bang on about how it’s spider bite. Hypochondriacs all around campus those too snobby for tap but still enjoy superior to bottled water. are said to be “very worried”. being irradiated FELIX Friday 17 june 2011 23

THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Horoscopes Aries Taurus This week, you get a little hungry This week, you finish your exams and around lunchtime, but you ignore your celebrate by getting well and truly urges because you... are on a diet. That’s sloshed in the Union. You wake up right. You’ve restricted yourself to only the next morning, pretty hungover but eating cock once a day and lunchtime feeling quite good about the world. hunger pangs or no, there’s no way However, when you lift the covers you you’re giving up your morning dick... notice that you’re missing a leg... Gemini Cancer This week, you look at yourself in the This week, you’re in the Union chat- mirror and say, “my god, what a hand- ting to a really beautiful girl when she some bastard.” Your girlfriend hears you says, “Can I show you something?” and and warns, “If I hear you being that ar- detaches her fake leg. You’re kind of rogant once more, I’ll fuck your brother shocked but also totally impressed. You again...” When your brother visits later point behind her, shout “Hey it’s Colin that day, you know she’s not kidding... Firth!” and run off with her leg... New police riot mask designed Leo Virgo This week, you’re polishing your This week, you’re standing at the bus knuckles in preparation for a good old stop when a guy suddenly appears with game of fisticuffs on the Queen’s Lawn. a fake leg. He offers to sell it to you for to ‘confuse’ protestors When the Rector removes his shirt, re- the extremely reasonable price of one vealing a rippled bulging physique, you bus journey. When you politely decline begin to wonder if you’ve underestimat- he takes offence and loudly calls you, “a ed your opponent. bigoted, racist, hate-filled moondoogle.” DRUNKEN Libra Scorpio This week, the clouds make way for the This week, you’re nearing the end of MATE OF sun, but in your rush to take advantage of your shift driving night buses around all that glorious vitamin D, you trip on London when a guy with a fake leg tries THE WEEK the steps at the entrance to the library, fall to get on without paying. When you stop and hit your head, and die. Bad times. him he gets angry and starts to attack the But on the plus side, you get given an bus with the leg. You phone the police extra week to finish your project report... and have him arrested... Sagittarius Capricorn This week, you get the term dates wrong This week, you put a young fake leg- and book your family holidays a week wielding student in the cells to cool off early. You get no sympathy for your for the night. While alone with one of mistake and are left behind, finishing your your police co-workers you say, “hey, project report in the library. You get a card how about me and you, you know?” She from your parents, apparently they’re looks you in the eye and calmly says, “fucking like rabbits.” Cheers Dad... “I’m sorry. You’re too fucking ugly.” Aquarius Pisces This week, a headless chicken bursts This week, the police put you in the cells into your bedroom and screams in a and take away the fake leg you were car- thick Scottish brogue: “GOOD GOD rying. You’re sad. You want a new fake MAN, IT’S MURDER OUT THERE!” leg. You begin to chew off your own leg. Well that’s what you interpret from the When candy explodes from your arteries disturbing bubbling emanating from its instead of blood, you realise that you’ve Ahhh I’ve been looking for a fool-proof way of cumming in my own mouth... Cheers bro! neck. You sigh and go back to sleep. been taking too many pills again... 24 Friday 17 june 2011 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] 1 2 3 4 5 6 6 Last Week’s Solutions Crossword 8 7 Across Down 8 9 Slitherlink 1. Long, heavy tool, used for 1. He who resides beneath driving wedges, posts etc. the Watford Gap (8,5) 10 3 2 2 1 2 (12) 2. Learned (8) 2 3 2 2 2 3 2 2 8. Sneakily take over (5) 3. Popular freshwater fish 10 11 1 2 2 3 2 2 9. Large wooden percussion (5) 3 2 1 1 3 instrument (7) 4. Fabled clumsy eggman (6) 12 13 2 1 3 2 1 2 0 10. Intoxicating - stupefying 5/16. Author of “À la 321 123 (5) recherche du temps perdu” 14 12 13 14 14 11. Chirruped like a small (6,6) 2 1 2 2 bird (7) 6. Krueger’s hunting ground 16 18 20 2 22 23 1 15 16 12. American TV award (4) (3,6) 3 1 2 2 14. Primary squad - “Quit yo’ 7. Bicycle made for two (6) 17 18 19 20 2 jibber jabber, sucka!” (4) 13. The “Scottish play” (7) 17/18. Grand English 15. Fruit which preceded the 21 21 Nonogram football tournament (2,3) Fall? (5) 19. Spinning aerofoil (5) 16. See 5 22 23 24 22. Reservoir for pen fuel (7) 20. Irritable - Friend of Mole 1 23. German submarine (1, and Toad? (5) 1 1 23 4 2 2 1 2 1 1 1 1 4) 21. Glance through quickly - 1 3 2 5 7 8 4 3 1 7 1 1 5 4 3 25. Diverse Japanese Remove floating scum (4) 1 25 26 engineering company (6) 24. Clumsy brute (3) 1 26. Erection (slang) (6) 2 3

2 1

2 1

2 5

3 1 Nonogram – The End of Study...? Slitherlink

2 3 1 1 1 1 1 3 4 1 1 1 4 2 3 1 3 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 2 1 1 3 3 3 1 2 1 3 2 8 1 1 2 4 2 1 1 2 1 2 8 1 1 1 1 2 3 2 1 1 2 1 1 3 2 1 1 6 1 2 5 3 0 1 3 2 7 3 9 6 4 1 1 2 1 2 3 Crossword 1 5 1 1 1 1 1 0 2 2 3 2 2 QUICK 1 1 1 1 1 W I N N I E T H E P O O H N 1 1 2 3 2 2 E E R A L O O O 1 5 1 3 L A E L A P S N 10Z Y M E S 2 1 2 1 2 2 1 2 C M Q S U M E E E O11 E12 E A S T 15 Y 9 1 M S T O L L E N O 2 2 3 3 E1316 R A1417 P S18 1915T A C2016 T I L E 3 2 B H R N21 3 5 1 1 1 3 3 R2217 O B O 23T 18B24 A 19C K S25 W O R D E A H A O 1 1 3 3 26P20 E T R A21 L A N T H22 A N23 U M 2 1 E I L O L A U O 8

24 25 L O C U M I B A H A D U R 2 1 2 You know the deal by now guys. Make one continuous loop. A I O O U P Each numbered box indicates the number of edges 26T A L I C L A B Y R I N T H 2 1 2 surrounding it. CRYPTIC 9 S T E E P L E C H A S E C C O C X U N E E S S Going Underground R E C A P T T R E N C H A N T A O I I L R S I A Which London tube station sums to? T E M P L A T E I V E R N A L C M H L D T T E H A U N C H E S D S I L V E R _ _ _ _ A N A S M O A S = 50 S H I R T Y S G A U N T L E T P C T O C M E O R E A L L Y R W A G G O N E R U T E A R R T T C R E S C E N D O R A D I E U E D A O N S N R Apple Higher E A S F R O N T I S P I E C E Education Store

GOING UNDERGROUND apple.com/uk/go/save L E Y T O N  12 5 25 20 15 14 FELIX Friday 17 june 2011 25

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Science is the discipline of making and I,SCIENCEbreaking promises THE SCIENCE MAGAZINE OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE

next issue out friday 24th june

FIND I, SCIENCE AT ALL NORMAL FELIX A FELIX Publication DISTRIBUTION POINTS FELIX Friday 17 june 2011 27 SPORT Felix Sports League Cryptic Crossword 1,493 sponsored by ARCS Awards Photos by Laura Harreman 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

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Team P W D L F A Diff Index

1 Fencing W1 9 9 0 0 1210 607 603 5.00 11 12 2 Fencing M1 10 10 0 0 1229 919 310 5.00 3 Table Tennis M2 11 11 0 0 156 31 125 5.00 4 Water Polo W1 8 7 1 0 102 24 78 4.63 5 Volleyball M1 11 10 0 1 22 4 18 4.18 13 14 15 6 Volleyball W1 11 10 0 1 21 4 17 4.18 7 Basketball M1 12 10 0 2 917 735 182 3.50 16 16 8 ICSM Netball W1 12 10 0 2 493 312 181 3.50 9 Lacrosse M1 11 9 0 2 154 85 69 3.36 Sports Writer of the Year: Andrew Purcell 17 18 19 10 Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 24 3.25 11 Table Tennis M1 12 9 1 2 84 60 14 3.25

12 Basketball W1 9 7 0 2 464 348 116 3.00 20 21 22 13 Netball W1 13 10 0 3 546 367 179 2.92 14 Squash W1 11 8 0 3 31 12 19 2.55 23 15 Hockey M1 12 8 1 3 46 25 21 2.50 16 Rugby M1 14 10 0 4 344 191 153 2.43 24 25 17 Hockey W1 13 9 0 4 67 24 43 2.23 18 Lacrosse W1 9 6 0 3 110 64 46 2.00 19 Table Tennis W1 6 4 0 2 20 10 10 2.00 20 ICSM Football M1 9 5 1 3 28 18 10 1.67 26 26 21 ICSM Hockey W1 20 10 3 7 54 48 6 1.40 22 ICSM Rugby M3 10 6 0 4 252 266 -14 1.40 23 Football M1 13 7 1 5 34 20 14 1.31 Across Down 24 Badminton W1 13 7 1 5 44 60 -16 1.31 1 Evolutionists hardliners caw 2 Hen pecks around a log, producing Coach of the Year: Hellen Maufour 25 Hockey M2 12 5 3 4 22 26 -4 1.25 incoherently (7,6) fluorine (7) 26 Football W1 7 4 0 3 19 19 0 1.14 10 Hunters cry over misjudged hay toll 3 Charles and Bradbury shed light (4) 27 Tennis W1 7 4 0 3 42 42 0 1.14 (5,2) 4 Sympathy towards Eastern 28 ICSM Hockey M3 7 4 0 3 11 27 -16 1.14 11 Sangfroid is almost godless, and movement (7) 29 Netball W3 9 5 0 4 291 217 74 1.00 thus rejected to such an extent (7) 5 Come to a conclusion about one 30 Hockey M3 11 4 3 4 17 13 4 0.91 12 Wise men saw magician in half (4) killing a God (7) 31 Badminton M1 11 4 3 4 44 44 0 0.91 13 100, 1. 5. 1. 50 6 Harlots lose a great deal, developing 32 Fencing M2 10 5 0 4 1122 1128 -6 0.90 14 Flabby zeppelin without a cabin (4) inflamed skin (4) 33 ICSM Hockey M1 10 5 0 5 25 20 5 0.50 17 Can teenagers surround a cafeteria? 7 Cause suffering as I inflect ‘e’ as 34 Netball W2 12 6 0 6 445 483 -38 0.50 (7) ‘i’ (7) 35 Badminton M2 10 4 1 5 43 37 6 0.20 18 Bendiness revealed by the last icicle 8 Minuscule coat tailor-made for the 36 ICSM Hockey M2 11 3 3 5 19 29 -10 0.09 (7) basic unit of matter (6,7) 37 ICSM Netball W2 11 5 0 6 341 360 -19 0.09 19 Street kids store psychic energy in 9 Motor-car split in pieces by cyclone 38 Squash M4 6 2 1 3 8 7 1 0.00 pots (7) (8,5) 39 Ice Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 22 Most of the Equatorial climate is 15 Demon lived on his head (5) 40 ICSM Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 quite relevant (7) 16 The French mole got you in the tape 41 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.00 England Rugby 7s Head Coach Ben Ryan 24 Noose shown again and again (4) (5) 42 ICSM Football M2 5 2 0 3 14 16 -2 -0.40 25 Call a change to never-ending 20 Transvestite loses dress, becoming 43 Fencing W2 10 4 0 6 1142 1170 -28 -0.40 compensation (5) more angry (7) 44 Fencing M3 10 4 0 6 1146 1201 -55 -0.40 ...Continued from Back Page Alice Mitchell won Athlete 26 Going without food ahead of time 21 Half a parasite of Mediterranean 45 Football M3 11 3 2 6 22 30 -8 -0.45 graduated before studying of the Year. Sports Writer (4) origin (7) 46 ICSM Badminton W1 9 2 2 5 32 46 -14 -0.67 for a Masters at Cambridge of the Year was won by Da- 29 Impertinent soul eats supper 22 Ode to tennis ruined by stress (7) 47 ICSM Badminton M1 10 3 1 6 24 56 -32 -0.70 where he won two Varsity vid Wilson, with Iain Reid somehow, followed by cake (7) 23 The standard of Grade 99 (7) 48 Squash M3 9 3 0 6 17 26 -9 -1.00 matches against Oxford. collecting the Sports Pho- 30 Tooth measures almost an inch, and 27 Sell chess piece (4) 49 Tennis M2 10 2 2 6 40 79 -39 -1.00 Following his talk Ryan was tograph of the Year award. is orange inside (7) 28 The English Sacre-Coeur and its 50 Hockey W2 12 3 1 8 13 41 -28 -1.25 kind enough to answer some The Ethos award was pre- 31 Confused contenders dismiss trash plot of land (4) 51 ICSM Rugby M1 11 2 1 8 144 427 -283 -1.82 of the questions posed by sented to Fast Fins and Stu- while in a trance in a higher state 52 Water Polo M1 3 0 1 2 23 30 -7 -2.00 the audience giving insight- dent Team of the Year was (13) 53 ICSM Rugby M2 12 2 1 9 200 438 -238 -2.00 ful and informative answers. won by Table Tennis Men’s 54 Rugby M2 14 3 0 11 194 356 -162 -2.07 During a brief intermis- 1s while the Student Club of 55 ICSM Hockey W3 5 1 0 4 4 17 -13 -2.20 sion, a martial arts display the Year gong was awarded 56 ICSM Hockey W2 10 2 0 8 21 42 -21 -2.20 by ‘Shorinjo Kempo’ was to Fencing. 57 Rugby M3 10 2 0 8 71 357 -286 -2.20 performed with the demon- An enjoyable night was ’22 Pub Crawl in aid of Macmillan 58 Hockey M4 11 2 0 9 15 32 -17 -2.36 strators showing ‘hard’ and had by all with the afore- 59 ICSM Badminton M2 6 1 0 5 16 32 -16 -2.50 ‘soft’ self-defence moves. mentioned alcohol continu- On Friday 17th of June (today) the ’22 campus going to various pubs and bars 60 Squash M2 12 2 0 10 16 44 -28 -2.50 Eight awards were presented ally served once the awards club will be undertaking a charity pub aiming to collect as much money as is 61 Rugby M4 8 1 0 7 59 325 -266 -2.88 throughout the evening; Hel- had been presented. Special crawl around the South Kensington area possible. Upon conclusion of the pub 62 Football M2 12 1 0 11 14 36 -22 -3.25 len Maufour, Imperial Medi- thanks go to Sport Impe- collecting money for Macmillan. If that crawl, all the teams will return to the 63 Squash M1 7 0 0 7 5 30 -25 -4.00 cals Netball coach won the rial for hosting the event, was not incentive enough, the RSCU have Union Bar. The night always provides 64 ICSM Netball W3 9 0 0 9 186 352 -166 -4.00 Coach of the Year Award. as well as the number of kindly supplied a keg. The night will be- plenty of enjoyment so, if for nothing else 65 ICSM Netball W3 7 0 0 7 134 257 -123 -4.00 Marie de Parseval from Im- sponsors and special guests gin at 18.30 in the Union bar where you please come along and relieve some 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss perial Judo club won Am- who contributed to make the will join up with a team of ‘22s and travel exam stress by collecting some money bassador of the Year whilst night such a success. to an area around the South Kensington for a worthwhile cause. Wilson ‘11 ISSUE 1493 17.06.11 SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by 2nd annual Laura Harreman ARCS awards celebrate sports at Imperial David Wilson reports

ast Friday, Sport Imperial hosted the second annual Imperial ARCS (Appreci- ate, Recognise and Cel- ebrate Sport) award cer- emony championing those who have Lcontributed to sport at Imperial Col- lege over the past year. The event was attented by over 140 guests including nominees for awards, supporting team members, coaches, teaching staff from Imperial, various offi cials, sponsors and partner organisations. Guests were treated to a selection of snacks on arrival as well as a generous spread of alcoholic beverages which made sure that some of the contingent was suitably well lubricated before the evening’s events got underway. After an introduction by head of Sport Impe- The Table Tennis Men’s 1st team won ‘Student Team of the Year’ rial, Neil Mosley, the guests were treated to a reception by the England Rugby Union 7’s Head Coach, Ben Ryan, who possessing his current position within the representing England at schoolboy level played at centre, where Ryan plied his student. Although he failed to disclose had come dressed in an England Rugby England Rugby Union setup. Few people he went to Loughborough University to trade. Of those thirty, ten had schoolboy what team he played for at Loughbor- Union polo to vanquish any thoughts that would have been previously aware of study a Sports science degree. Incred- international honours, an unbelievable ough, we shall give him the benefi t of he may not have been the real McCoy. Ryan as the 7’s form of Rugby Union ibly, Ryan recounted how 130 students statistic. Ryan recounted how he failed the doubt and believe that he played for Ryan presented a thoroughly descrip- is only just gaining prominence, yet he turned up to the ‘Fresher Rugby Trials’, his fi rst year focusing too intently on the 1s. Following his fi rst year, Ryan tive, informative and above all interest- has been in his current job since 2007. at Imperial we are still working to get playing rugby and the associated social knuckled down to work and eventually ing story of his life and how he came into Ryan informed the audience how, after such a turn out. Thirty of that number life rather than being a conscientious ...Continued on Page 27 SCIENCE BOOKS MUSIC TRAVEL HANGMAN

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