Off the Record 20 [email protected] Gene Simmons, the Operators 780, Morrissey, the 3-Tards, Cover Photo: Dan Monick the Briefs, the Wildhearts, W.A.S.P
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WARPED TOUR 2004 JULY 13 @ THUNDERBIRD STADIUM The Empire Strikes First BAD RELIGION Seven’s ATMOSPHERE Travels Anchors BOUNCING SOULS Aweigh I Am The MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK Movie PULLEY Matters Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Has FROM FIRST TO LAST A Bodycount E. Von Dahl Killed THE MATCHES The Locals PUNK-O-RAMA Vol. 9 SPECIALLY PRICED AT Downtown Vancouver: 556 Seymour St. 687-5837 • South Vancouver: 732 SW Marine Drive 321-5112 East Vancouver: 3433 E. Hastings St. 298-0464 • Coquitlam: 2739 Barnet Hwy. 468-1111 • Burnaby: 4568 Kingsway 439-0223 Surrey: 10280 135th. St. 589-7500 • Langley: 20460 Langley Bypass 533-8600 • Abbotsford: 2369 McCallum Rd. 859-4200 JULY 19 TICKETS ALSO AT SCRAPE COMMODORE BALLROOM JULY 26 STRAIGHT OFF THE MAINSTAGE OF OZZFEST 2004 WITH GOD FORBID OTEP TICKETS ALSO AT SCRAPE COMMODORE BALLROOM AUGUST 30 TICKETSTICKETS ALSOALSO ATAT SCRAPESCRAPE WWW.WASPNATION.COM WWW.WASPNATION.COM COMMODORE BALLROOM IInnarnnardsds CCoovveerr SSttoorryy THE NERVE HIT SQUAD King Pin (a/k/a Editor-In-Chief) Bradley C. Damsgaard ATMOSPHERE [email protected] Pistol Whipper (a/k/a Music Editor) Adrian Mack Put those limes down! [email protected] The best thing on this The Corpse (a/k/a Bridge Burner year’s Warped Tour & Railway Sabotage) Sarah Rowland comes in a Beat Box. The Getaway Driver MC Slug tells Adrian (a/k/a Production Manager) Pierre Lortie Mack how his career [email protected] was shaped by Big 2 Bit Rounders (a/k/a Editorial Assistants) Sarah’s Mom, Ryan Calvery Daddy Kane, N.W.A. Weapons Cleaner and the Tooth Fairy. (a/k/a Article Editor) Jon Azpiri 12 Surveillance Team (a/k/a Photographers) photo: courtesy of Epitaph Laura Murray Jeremy Van Nieuwkerk DTK/MC5 18 Launderer 18 (a/k/a Book Editor) Wayne Kramer, Dennis Thompson and Michael Davis of the J. Pee Patchez MC5: back on the road and the World’s blowing up again. Shotgun (a/k/a Film Editor) Bjorn Olson The Cinch 17 The Henchmen (a/k/a Design & Graphics) Mega-Stardom! Mega-Wealth! Plastic Surgery! Video Pirating! Pierre Lortie, Aina Young, Kevin Angel Sasquatch! Incest! Pills! Thrills! Rice Wine & Global War! The Muscle (a/k/a Staff Writers) Atomick Pete, A.D. MADGRAS, Cowboy TexAss, Casey Bourque, Sinister Sam, Hemi Cuda 9 Adler Floyd, Aaronoid, Billy Hopeless, D-Rock and Miss Kim, Michael Mann, E.S. Day confronts the Denver trio on their influences, the Adrian Mack, Jake Poole, Max Crown, 8- Ball, Carl Spackler, Richard Murray, E.S state of punk today, bad wigs and, um... their influences. Day 9 Girl Friday Squirting 29 (a/k/a Subscriptions/Mailouts) Sue Hobler For centuries, men have been instructing women on the cor- Fire Insurance rect use of their own anatomy. Because we know best. (a/k/a Advertising/Marketing Dept.) Brad Damsgaard, Kevin Angel, Kristin Lamont Off the Record 20 [email protected] Gene Simmons, The Operators 780, Morrissey, The 3-tards, Cover Photo: Dan Monick The Briefs, The Wildhearts, W.A.S.P. and much more. Out-of-town Connections (a/k/a Distribution and Street Team) Calgary: Rick Overwater, Mike Taylor. Edmonton: Freecloud Records Graeme Cheap Shotz 7 MacKinnon, Lindsey McNeill. Winnipeg: Crazy Religious Bigots, Reader’s Complaints and more war Phil and Ryan of Steel Capped Records, Victoria/Whistler: Jono Jak, Seattle/Bellingham: Frank Yahr Live Wires 22 The Nerve is published monthly by The Nerve 3 Inches of Blood, Destroyer, Agent Orange, Trans Am & more Magazine Ltd. The opinions expressed by the writers and artists do not necessarily reflect those of The Nerve Magazine or its editors... First publishing rights only are property of The Nerve Magazine Spackler is a Drunken Retard 23 because we have no desire to “own” you. The Nerve does not accept responsibility for content in adver- And the drugs really help, too. tisements. The Nerve reserves the right to refuse any advertisement or submission and accepts no responsi- 17 bility for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. Copyright 2004 Skate Spot 25 The Nerve Magazine 508 - 825 Granville St. Casey Cougar’s Babes of the Month 10 Vancouver, B.C. Ainsworth 27 V6Z 1K9 604.734.1611 THE RETURN OF: Tex and Dex 15 604.684.1698 (fax) Film 27 Nerveland Smut Ranch 29 www.thenervemagazine.com Crossword 31 5 Cheap Shotz By Adrian Mack The Nerve to Be Distributed to Vancouver the Gung Hos!! Satan and more. Best part? Organizers promise YOU HAVE… 2 Area Elementary Schools. free entry to anybody carrying a Day Pass for the Just kidding. Gung Hos Do More Weird Shit real Folk Fest – should they accidentally mistake NEW MESSAGES, Mere minutes after Sarah Rowland had vacated Main Street for Jericho Beach or “Bukakke Night FIRST MESSAGE... her seat as Music Editor, new “Messiah” Adrian in Canada” for “The Bells of Rhymney”. Mack was concocting lies about Vancouver’s Received: Monday, June 7th Gung Hos. Among the stories under considera- Probably Not Real News tion: Received from the Offices Of BYO Records: 12:28am 1. New member Randy Romance has quit “French punk band The Briefs’ new album Sex From the President of the Rita already, ostensibly to pursue his interest in Objects will be released June 29th on BYO McNeil Fan Club. “Boogie Rock”, but more probably to avoid the Records. The band will be returning to their …yes, this message is for the per- nightly strap-on orgies and Double-Headed Dilly adopted hometown, Seattle, to play a record son who’s by-line says “Crop adventures reputed to take place in the band’s release show at Vera on July 11 with The Spits, Duster”. She’s talking about “jam” “space”. Schoolyard Hero and Diskord. Industry jaws Rita McNeil and saying that she 2. The Gung Hos are taking on Governor Arnold dropped when the Briefs’ lawyer, Les “The Fist” has a fucked up hairlip and Schwarzenneger’s proposal to shorten the Stay of Turnbladt revealed that BYO, an independent everything, I mean, who is she to Execution for California’s thousands of stray little punk record label, had agreed to pay the band an puppy dogs and kitties. Said a wild-eyed Eddie advance of $900,000 (US) for a one record deal. judge? So Rita has a hairlip? Big Beers: “he’s talking about killing them on the According to Turnbladt, no one is sure where Come on, she’s a person, and Franz Ferdinand: Scotland mourns second or third day. We don’t think he’s going far BYO found that kind of money, but it is rumored who is this woman, this person, enough. We propose going in earlier, maybe in the that one of the owners got extremely lucky at an to judge her? It’s just wrong, Indie Rock Tragedy Devastates a Handful. first twenty minutes or so. In fact, we think it’s off-track betting establishment in Tijuana. Also, wrong, wrong! She says “people In a startling turn of events, angular Scottish better to not take any chances at all and widen the as it is well known that The Briefs have little to no tell me she’s a real cunt.” Well, Guitar Semioticians Franz Ferdinand were assas- legislation to take in puppy dogs and kitties that interest in money, they have decided to donate the people tell her? Why doesn’t she sinated on June 28th in the Former Yugoslavian actually have homes. We also advocate taking entire amount to their ex-tour manager, Falcon, make her own judgments? Just city of Sarajevo. An “organization” called the these animals by force. Actually, we’re calling for who will be returning to the US from Berlin to letting off a little steam here, Black Hand took responsibility for the killings. mandatory execution of anything that walks on open a chain of vegetarian fast food restaurants The darlings of modernist dance music and van- four legs (with the exception of Mike). Fuck those along the interstates of America.” venting, and I’d love a reply. guard of the New Wave of the New Wave of the little animals! Where’s California?” We’re confident that this is accurate information Thank you. New Wave, Franz Ferdinand took many music Added Billy Hopeless: “Me too!” and needs no further investigation. journalists by storm and managed to parlay that 3. Sources close to The Nerve report that if you “Oh look, it’s the latest Nerve! small but influential cache into an article in the place the Gung Hos in front of a mirror, they And Finally… I wonder if there’s anything NME. A spokesman for the group described the appear to “double” in “number”. Unconfirmed. Our apologies to stalwart Nerve staff photogra- about Rita McNeil in there! tragedy as “angular, stark, breathtaking, new.” pher Laura Murray who was credited as Laura There is? Yay! Wait a In a related story, a plot was foiled to poison Real News Lemay in last month’s issue. An internal investi- minute...No! NO!!!!!!!!!” Vancouver “outfit” (and musical band) Elizabeth. Imagine our delight when The Nerve Office gation has yielded little although the names Brad Among the conspirators was the evil Duke of received a CD that was actually really fucking Dingdang and Adrian Mook keep coming up. Norfolk, who has since been sentenced to The good. So good, in fact, that our Empire Building Received: June 19th 2:34 pm Tower. Editor Badly Damaged promptly got on the blow- In His Own Words From a reluctant coffee shop er with Mississippi’s Fat Possum Records and Well, I almost died on the Trans-Canada near employee.