Full Frontal Feminism
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Table of Contents T itle Page Dedication Introduction C hapter 1 - YOU’RE A HARDCORE FEMINIST. I SWEAR. Feel-Good Feminism But Feminists Are Ugly! But Things Are Fine the Way They Are! Feminism Is for Old White Ladies Feminism Is So Last Week Femi-wha? Sisterhood, My Ass Quality Women C hapter 2 - FEMINISTS DO IT BETTER (AND OTHER SEX TIPS) Just (Don’t) Do It You’re a Dirty Lollipop Our Hymens, Ourselves Getting Carded for Sex Just Do It (If You’re So Inclined) “At Risk,” My Ass From The Joy of Sex to Joyless Sex Reclaiming Your Number The Almighty Cock Beyond Bean-Flicking Getting Down to Business C hapter 3 - POP CULTURE GONE WILD That’s (Not) Hot Like a Virgin, and Other Pop Contradictions Performance vs. Reality So What’s a Girl to Do? But Sometimes You Just Can’t Win C hapter 4 - THE BLAME (AND SHAME) GAME Rape/Sexual Assault Blaming the Victim What to Do, What to Do? Intimate Partner Violence Taking Action C hapter 5 - IF THESE UTERINE WALLS COULD TALK Contraception Misconception The Morning After The Scarlet Letter Anti-Choice Lies Mother may I . ? Mommie Dearest Forced Birth Control? So Are We Totally Screwed? C hapter 6 - MATERIAL WORLD The Not So Fun Truth about Women Working The Unloved/Unpaid Labor To Kid or Not to Kid Money Making the Connections C hapter 7 - MY BIG FAT UNNECESSARY WEDDING AND OTHER DATING DISEASES Forever Boy Crazy Dating While Feminist Killing Bridezilla To Have and to Hold (Unless You’re a Homo) Reclaiming Romance Chapter 8 - “REAL” WOMEN HAVE BABIES Forced Motherhood Treat Yourself Like You’re Pregnant . Even If You’re Not It’s Never Too Early to Start Punishing Mothers Unauthorized Mothering Mommy Doesn’t Know Best Pregnancy Is the New Black Underappreciated Mothers: The New Norm C hapter 9 - I PROMISE I WON’T SAY “HERSTORY” We’ve Come a Long Way, Baby What Now (NOW)? Moving Forward C hapter 10 - BOYS DO CRY Men Should Act Like Men Men Should Act Like Boys Snips and Snails? Feminist Phobia Boys Will Be Feminists Traditional Gender Roles on Crack Is the Military the Ultimate in Masculinity? Men Moving Forward C hapter 11 - BEAUTY CULT Appearance as a Shut-the-Fuck-Up Tool Don’t Like It? Cut It Off. Beauty Standards . for Your Vagina Buying Beauty Food? Who Needs Food? So What Now? C hapter 12 - SEX AND THE CITY VOTERS, MY ASS Numbers Don’t Lie The Headband Treatment Some Great Women Politicians The Difference Young Women Make What Other Countries Do Stop Futzing Around C hapter 13 - A QUICK ACADEMIC ASIDE RACISM CLASSISM HOMOPHOBIA/HETEROSEXISM C hapter 14 - GET TO IT Sex Pop Culture Reproductive Rights Violence Work and Money Dating and Beyond Guys Beauty Politics Spreading the Word Five Ways You Know You’re a Full Frontal Feminist Five Ways Full Frontal Feminists Are Bucking the System R ESOURCES NOTES Acknowledgements ABOUT THE AUTHOR SELECTED TITLES FROM SEAL PRESS Copyright Page To Miss Magoo. INTRODUCTION I don’t know why I didn’t call myself a feminist until I was in college. I certainly was one way before then. I think we all are. I mean, really, what young girl hasn’t thought at some point that some sexist bullshit is completely unfair to women? The problem seems to be putting a name on that feeling. “Feminism” is just too scary and loaded a word for some women. Which is really too bad. Because feminism is a pretty amazing thing. When you’re a feminist, day-to-day life is better. You make better decisions. You have better sex. You understand the struggles you’re up against and how to best handle them. I wrote Full Frontal Feminism because I spent a really long time feeling completely confused about why more young women wouldn’t embrace something that to me was clearly the greatest thing ever. Feminism has become such an important part of my life; it’s changed me for the better and shaped who I am in tremendous ways. While I’ve always known I was a feminist, I didn’t get into it hardcore, or even call myself a feminist, until I was in college and took my first women’s studies class. My sister likes to tell me that I said (and I still somewhat refuse to believe that I ever said anything this cheesy) that the class “opened my eyes.” But I guess it really did. Without that awakening, I never would have gone to grad school, worked for women’s organizations, or started my blog, Feministing .com. I needed that one little push that let me know what feminism was really all about. Then I realized that young women don’t have enough outlets teaching them and showing them how great feminism is. Of course, there are women’s studies classes and books, and maybe some of us are lucky enough to have moms and friends who are self-professed and proud feminists. But the majority of young women only know the total-crap stereotypes. To most young women, feminism is ugly. It’s unpopular. It’s the anti-cool. So when I thought about writing a book about feminism, I thought the most important thing I could do was dispel the myth that feminism is anything but awesome. Because young women—most of whom, unfortunately, don’t identify as feminists—don’t know what they’re missing. And if the idea of a stereotypical feminist doesn’t exactly inspire thoughts of some secret fab life you’re missing out on, I’m here to tell you—you are missing out. I truly believe that feminism makes your life better. Imagine being able to get past all the nonsense that tells you you’re not good enough. To all of a sudden understand why you’ve ever felt not smart enough or not pretty enough. To finally be able to put your finger on that feeling you’ve always had that something is off. Believe me, to get to this place is amazing. Full Frontal Feminism is not an exhaustive review of all things feminist. There’s a lot of feminism out there—and you should check it all out. This book is just my take on it—my love letter to feminism and my invitation to my readers to embrace feminism for everything it gives to and does for women. Most important, perhaps, was my desire to write something that explained not only why feminism is so necessary and relevant, but also why it’s so damn cool. I’m hoping that as you read the book, all of this will become clearer. Maybe you’ll call yourself a feminist when you’re done. Maybe you won’t. But at the very least, my hope is that this book changes the way you think about feminism—and yourself. 1 YOU’RE A HARDCORE FEMINIST. I SWEAR. What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now. You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank. Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term “mangina.” Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up. Recognizing the screwed nature of this little exercise doesn’t necessarily make you a feminist. But it should. Most young women know that something is off. And even if we know that some things are sexist, we’re certainly not ready to say we’re feminists. It’s high time we get past the “I’m not a feminist, but...” stuff. You know what I’m talking about: “I’m not a feminist or anything, but it is total bullshit that Wal-Mart won’t fill my birth control prescription.” Do you think it’s fair that a guy will make more money doing the same job as you? Does it piss you off and scare you when you find out about your friends getting raped? Do you ever feel like shit about your body? Do you ever feel like something is wrong with you because you don’t fit into this bizarre ideal of what girls are supposed to be like? Well, my friend, I hate to break it to you, but you’re a hardcore feminist. I swear. Feel-Good Feminism For some reason, feminism is seen as super anti: anti-men, anti-sex, anti- sexism, anti-everything. And while some of those antis aren’t bad things, it’s not exactly exciting to get involved in something that’s seen as so consistently negative. The good news is, feminism isn’t all about antis. It’s progressive and—as cheesy as this sounds—it’s about making your life better. As different as we all are, there’s one thing most young women have in common: We’re all brought up to feel like there’s something wrong with us. We’re too fat. We’re dumb. We’re too smart. We’re not ladylike enough—stop cursing, chewing with your mouth open, speaking your mind. We’re too slutty. We’re not slutty enough. Fuck that. You’re not too fat. You’re not too loud. You’re not too smart.