Homo Sapiensdeclared Extinct

futures Homo sapiens declared extinct Yes, human beings have finally gone, but the 24-hour global party continues.

declared statistician Piers Euler, the front Gently fanning his wizened tissues with Bruce Sterling identity for a collaborative group-mind of warm currents of support fluid, the grand D 2380: After a painstaking ten-year mathematicians at the Bourbaki Academy in old man of music continued: “Wolfgang search, from the Tibetan highlands Paris. “I don’t see how you can declare any Mozart was a very dull creature by our mod- Ato the Brazilian rainforests, it’s offi- entity ‘human’ when their brain is a gelatin ern standards but, thanks to gelbrain, I can cial — there are no more human beings. lattice, and every cell of their body contains still find ways to pump life into his primitive “I suppose I have to consider this a per- extensive extra strands of industrial- compositions. I also persist in finding Bach sonal setback,” said anthropologist Dr Mar- strength DNA. Not only is humanity extinct worthwhile, even in today’s ultracivilized cia Raymo, of the Institute for Retrograde but, strictly speaking, pretty much everyone milieu, where individual consciousness and Study in Berlin. “Of course we still have alive today should be classified as a unique, creative subjectivity tend to be rather rare, or human tissue in the lab, and we could clone post-natural, one-of-a-kind species.” absent entirely.” as many specimens of Homo sapiens as we “I was born human,” admitted 380-year- Posthumanity’s most scientifically ad- like. But that species was always known pri- old classical musician Soon Yi, speaking vanced group, the pioneer Blood Bathers in marily for its unique cultural activity.” from his support vat in Shanghai. “I grew up their vast crystalline castles in the Oort “I can’t understand what the fuss is as a human being. It seemed quite natural at Cloud, could not be reached for comment. about,” declared Rita “Cuddles” Srinivasan, the time. For hundreds of years on the state- “Why trouble the highly prestigious actress, sex symbol and computer periph- supported concert circuit, I promoted Blood Bathers with some trifling develop- eral. “Artificial Intelligences love to embody myself as a ‘humanist’, supporting and pro- ment here on distant Earth?” demanded themselves in human forms like mine, to moting human high culture. But at this President Arno Hopmeier of the World Anti- wallow in sex and eating. I’m good for oodles point, I should be honest: that was always my subjectivist Council. “The Blood Bathers are of human stuff, scratching, sleeping, sneez- stage pretence. Let’s face it: gelbrain is vastly busily researching novel realms of complex ing, you can name it. As long as AIs honour better stuff than those grey, greasy, catch-as- organization far beyond mere ‘intelligence’. their origins, you’ll see plenty of disembod- catch-can human neurons. You can’t We should feel extremely honoured that they ied intelligences slumming around in become a serious professional artiste while still bother to share their lab results with crea- human forms. That’s where all the fun is, I using nothing but all-natural animal tissue tures like us. It would only annoy Their Skin- promise — trust me.” in your head. It’s just absurd!” less Eminences if we ask them to fret over The actress’s current AI sponsor further some defunct race of featherless bipeds.” remarked via wireless telepathy that Miss A Circumsolar Day of Mourning has Srinivasan’s occasional extra arms or heads easts, birds, been declared to commemorate the official should be seen as a sign of “creative brio”, and butterflies, even extinction of humanity, but it is widely not as a violation of “some obsolete, suppos- B believed that bursts of wild public enthusi- edly standard human form”. the very rocks and asm will mar the funereal proceedings. A worldwide survey of skull contents in “When you sum them up,” mused Orbital April 2379 revealed no living citizen with less rivers must be rejoicing Entity Ankh/Ghih/9819, “it’s hard to per- than 35 per cent cultured gelbrain. “That ceive any tragedy in this long-awaited event. pretty well kicks it in the head for me,” to see humans gone. Beasts, birds, butterflies, even the very rocks and rivers must be rejoicing to see humans finally gone. We should try to be adult about this: we should take a deep breath, turn our face to the light of the future, and get on with the business of living.

OLIVER BURSTON “Since I’ve been asked to offer an epi- taph,” the highly distributed poetware continued, “I believe that we should rearrange the Great Wall of China to spell out (in Chi- nese of course, since most of them were always Chinese) — ‘THEY WERE VERY, VERY CURIOUS, BUT NOT AT ALL FAR- SIGHTED.’ “This historical moment is a serious occasion that requires a sense of public dig- nity. My dog, for instance, says he’ll truly miss humanity. But then again, my dog says a lot of things.” I Bruce Sterling (http://www.well.com/conf/ mirrorshades/) is the author of Schismatrix and many other novels and stories; the non-fiction work The Hacker Crackdown; co-author (with William Gibson) of The Difference Engine; and editor of Mirrorshades: The Cyberpunk Anthology.