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THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021-6615 is published monthly except July and August by the Agudath Israel of America, 84 William Street, New York, N. Y. 10038. Second class postage paid in New York, N.Y. Subscliption $24.00 per year; two years, $44.00; three years, $60.00. Outside of the Untted States (US funds drawn on a US bank only) $12.00 surcharge per year. Single copy $3.50; foreign $4.50. POSTMASTER: Send address changes 6 to: The Jewish Observer, 84 Wdliarn Stroot, The Jewish Family-In Its Glory and in Crisis N.Y., N.Y. 10038. Tel: 212-797-9000, Fax: Robbi Avrohom Pam N"V'':>\il, prepared for publication by Robbi Tzvi Baruch Hollander 212-269-2843. Printed in the U.S.A. 11 RABBI NISSON WOLPIN, EDITOR An Ounce of Prevention (For Potential Teenage Dropouts) Robbi Yokov Horowitz EDITORIAL BOARD DR. ERNST L. BODENHEIMER Chairman 14

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I. THE RISE OF GLORIOUS FAMILIES and according to the laws of nature, they And why were they made to suffer so? could not possibly have built families of "Because the Almighty loves the prayers their own. It was only through Divine of the righteous"! Why Our Forefathers Suffered intervention that they had children. Why If we could but fathom the power of was this so? "the prayers of the righteous;' we would uch attention is being focused The Gemora deals with this question. perhaps approach an understanding of on the Jewish family as a vital Rav Yitzchak says, "Our forefathers the profundity of Rav Yitzchak's teach­ M force in insuring our people's were barren because the Almighty ings. "The prayers of the righteous" are continued existence. To fully appreciate desires the prayers of the righteous" not like our ordinary prayers. Rather, the strength of the Jewish family, one ( Yevamos 64a). they flow from a disengagement from should begin with the founding Patri­ This is truly difficult to understand. physical existence, a removal of one's archs and Matriarchs of our people. It It would imply that the Almighty had focus from the daily world of Olam is noteworthy that the Avos and Ima­ deliberately caused these righteous indi­ Hazeh, a fostering of intense desire with­ hos-Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov; viduals to endure immense pain and in one's soul for spirituality, and a com­ Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah-devel­ sorrow-to the point that Rachel plete identification with the Creator.' oped their families in a most unique exclaimed, "If I cannot have children, From this perspective we can gain an fashion. These couples were barren then I am as if dead!" And Sarah was insight into the statement in the Gemo­ ---- .. -- --- willing to suffer the indignity of giving ra that the early Chassidim would Rabbi Pam delivered this address at the most recent national convention of Agudath Israel of America. her maidservant to her husband, Avra­ devote three hours to prayer: one hour Rabbi Hollander is director of Agudath Israel of Cal­ ham, in the hope that in merit of this iSee Rabbi Chaim Volozhiner's explanation of true ifornia. He is a frequent contributor to these pages. act she would have a child of her own. prayer in Nefesh Hachayim, Shaar 2.

6 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 before prayers, an hour in prayer, and the Almighty, it requires an appropriate must be Shalom Bayis, to create the cli­ an hour afterwards (Berachos 28a). We spiritual climate for its growth and mate for this prayer to come to fruition. can understand why these righteous development. And the proper climate for individuals would need an hour for such a holy soul to grow to be zera II. WHEN CRISES ARISE preparation-to rid themselves of inap­ kodesh, holy progeny, is a home full of propriate thoughts, and distance them­ holiness and pleasantness, a home that selves from worldly involvements--so as recognizes its responsibility in being the Cause For the Altar to Weep to focus their thoughts on the Almighty fertile ground for the zera kodesh, a alone, in keeping with the maxim: home of Shalom Bayis. 'th gratitude to the Almighty, "Know before Whom you stand"... to A home blessed with Shalom Bayis-­ we have built many wonder­ enter into another world in which one where there is only love and concern W:ful Jewish families in Ameri­ is only aware of the Creator of the Uni­ among husband, wife and the entire ca. And from these blessed families come verse. But why would they also need an family-is a home holy, pure children. hour after their prayer? where the priori­ I Indeed, we have When one has left this mundane ties are in order. homes that exem­ world for higher spiritual realms, it is The central focus home blessed with plify the ideal of G---O's will that we return, and it is no of the household being a "mikdash simple task to do so. It requires anoth­ is the children, as AShalom Bayis­ m'at, a miniature er hour of introspection to once again our Sages say, where there is only love Beis Hamikdash;' become mortals who function in an "Amaleinu-our permeated with "ordinary" world. toil-this refers to and concern among holiness, joy, and our children" pleasantness, The Power ofHeartfelt Prayer (Haggadah Shel husband, wife and the endowed with Pesach). Such a ahavas Hashem, his is the essence ofRavYitzchak's home recognizes entire family-is a ahavas Yisroe/, and explanation: The Almighty that its primary home where the ahavas habrios, love Twished to build Kial Yisroe/ as a purpose is to forge for one's fellow holy nation, different from every other another link in the priorities are in order. hum an beings. But nation in the world, with its children chain of genera­ our joy is not com- born through the prayers of tzaddikim, tions, to be ovdei Such a home plete. We also of righteous individuals. As Chana had Hashem, the have-to our great said, "... and I will pour out my soul Almighty's ser­ recognizes that its pain-homes in before Hashem" (I Shmuel 1,15), and vants. primary purpose is to which there is no from such prayer was Shn1uel Hanavi The Steipler Shalom Bayis. And born. The Almighty wanted zera kodesh, 1:,.,~t once said forge another link in the the ones who lose holy progeny. For this reason, Rav that the spiritual the most in such Yitzchak teaches us, G-d made the resources neces­ chain of generations, to situations are the Patriarchs and the Matriarchs barren, for sary to merit children. They may "Hashem loves the prayers of the right­ "good children" be ovdei Hashem, the even possess the eous." were "50% tefilla Almighty's servants. holiest of neshamos, If parents truly aspire to have zera (prayer) and 50% but if they live in a kodesh, to merit bringing down a holy Shalom Bayis." home where they neshama from its source, beneath the The tefi//a men­ I hear only bickering, Divine Throne, one must recognize the tioned by the anger, and worse- requisite level of holiness-from con­ Steipler is not of the ordinary, "catch­ even such children will be sacrificed. ception, through birth, and on into as-catch-can;' daily habitual variety, The Gemora ( Gittin) says: "When one life-and be faithful to that responsi­ but those deep, heartfelt feelings that divorces his first wife, even the altar in bility. This is reflected in the special flow from the realization that the entire the Beis Hamikdash cries for him:' One prayer recited by the sandek and the purpose of building a Jewish home and may wonder: What connection is there mohel at the bris of a Jewish infant: of being a Jewish parent, to which all between divorce and the altar in the Beis "Please, Hashem, send through other goals are subservient, is to have Hamikdash? In light of the previous dis­ Your holy Ma/achim a holy, pure soul one's children grow to be "good chil­ cussion, the insight of our Sages is clear: for this child who will be given a bris dren." These prayers, as constant as they although the altar has a variety of sac­ for Your Holy Name... ?' must be, provide only 50% of the rificial objects offered to be consumed When that holy soul is dispatched by required spiritual merits. The other 50% by its fires, there is one item that even

The Jewish Observer, Moy 1996 7 the altar cannot accept: a broken house­ compatible, even after mutual efforts at my wife." hold. The result of a divorce-the sac­ reconciliation have been made and rea­ The Rav persisted, "You must have com­ rifice of a broken home and its injured sonable steps were taken to bridge the plaints; what claims do you have against children-is too much for even the altar. difficulties. But why cannot the task of your wife?" Hence, our Sages say the altar cries at a dissolving the marriage be approached "As long as she is still my wife," the man divorce, for the sacrifice of a Jewish with respect and humanity-with resolutely responded, "I will not speak home is too great for it to bear. menchlichkeit? When two individuals against her." Nor is this the worst of our pain. We agree-"It would be better for me, it Seeing no alternative, the Rav sadly also have the problem of agunos, of would be better for you. Let's end this administered the get. bound spouses, where a marriage is relationship"-why can't they set up After the divorce proceedings were fin­ strained beyond the point of repair, but their plan of action ished, the Rav no get is in the offing-the result of a with understand- I approached the Jew cruel, smoldering hatred of one spouse ing that "to end with a final ques­ towards another, a stratagem in their pri­ our partnership, he proper climate tion: "Now that the vate, bitter war. we must go to get is completed, will Before we address this issue, one must honest judges of a Tfor a holy soul to you tell me what understand: these lines are not inspired respected beis din, your complaints were by any individuals. Rather, this issue and they will help grow to be zero against your former requires our attention because it is filled us divide the prop­ holy progeny, wife? Why did you with such pain and suffering. And yet, erty, the responsi­ kodesh, want the divorce?" so often one hears the accusation: "The bilities, and struc­ is a home full of The man Rabbanim don't care about the plight of ture our future answered the Rav, the agunos."This is a vicious canard, an relationships with holiness and "Since the divorce is absolutely false statement, for the Rab­ the children"? final, the woman banim feel the pain of the agunos with All too often, we pleasantness, a home who was my wife is unimaginable acuteness. witness such that recognizes its no longer related to And what is the suggested alternative? hatred and cruelty, me. She is like any Again, one hears that there is a need to that one can only responsibility in being other Jew. Why "reform;' to "improve" the halacha. Or wonder: "Where should I speak evil do they really mean: we should find spu­ did Jews ever the fertile ground for about another Jew?" rious loopholes in the halacha! acquire such char­ How far Further, one hears, "There are no acter traits? The the zero kodesh, a removed is this honest religious courts." What a slander pain, the suffering, home of approach from that against earnest, dedicated Torah schol­ the cost in dollars Shalom Bayis. adopted by all too ars! What a defamation of the Jewish and in health to many couples­ people, and the Torah-intimating that the aguna, who I even erstwhile fine, justice cannot be found in a beis din, but may sit for months and even unending caring couples-in our time. Too often, in the secular judicial system! years without a solution to the prob­ individuals who in all other areas of their And then the most unpardonable of lem-and all with no concern, no sen­ lives exhibit kindness and compassion, arguments: "Religious courts always sitivity on the part of the recalcitrant behave with such cruelty, such hatred make compromises; I want all that's spouse. How did such bitter cruelty ever when it comes to this most difficult of sit­ coming to me. I need to go to secular come to the seed of Abraham-the par­ uations, the breaking of a marital union. courts to get the best deal." adigm of chessed and mercy?" If a couple "cannot find an honest One must take note: The Shulchan Once, in a bygone era, a Jew came to his beis din;' it is only because they do not Aruch states clearly that going to secu­ Rav to divorce his wife. As the Rav had not want to find one, each finding fault with lar courts is a blasphemous act; it is an heard of any marital problems, he was sur­ the other's suggestions for dayanim. unspeakable humiliation of the Torah prised, to say the least. He pressed his vis­ Hatred and lashon hara abound. How and a chillul Hashem, as if one lifts one's itor, "Can we perhaps arrange a reconcili­ ironic that the Chofetz Chaim writes hand against the Torah of Moshe. ation? What are your complaints against that one must forfeit his entire fortune your wife?" not to violate a single negative com­ A Civilized Approach to Gittin "No," the Jew told the Rav, "all has been mandment; yet in disagreements over discussed and now it's time to arrange the how to divide property in a divorce set­ t is, of course, conceivable that a par­ get." As to his complaints, he said, "Since tlement, a couple will willfully transgress ticular match will not "work out," the get is not yet final, she is still my wife. a host of negative commandments, I where the marriage is simply not With all due respect, I will not speak evil of including bearing hatred, speaking

8 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 falsely, and lashon hara. Worse yet, all of to night, he realized that this was a sit­ ina, v'im hayamin v'asm'ila--Ifyou turn this is compounded by chillul Hashem, uation that could not last. Both Moshe to the left, I will go to the right; if you as the entire spectacle is played out and the people would be worn out from turn to the right, I will go to the left" before non-Jewish lawyers and judges, the unyielding strain. Yisro therefore (Bereishes 13,9). Avraham gave Lot the a sin for which no forgiveness is possi­ proposed that a system of judges be first choice, and even offered to modi­ ble until one leaves this world. instituted. But this was only a partial fy their separation with the word Where is the concern and sensitivi­ solution for Moshe and the people­ "v'eimina--and I will go to the right:' ty for the humanity of the other spouse, treating the symptom, but not the mal­ Rashi tells us that Avraham had meant the father or mother of one's children? ady itself. The complete solution was, as that even after the break, if Lot would Where, in the entire process as practiced Yisro said, "You shall caution them need him, he would be at his right side, in too many families today, is honor for regarding the decrees and the teachings, ready to help if necessary-as, in fact, the Torah, honor for the Almighty? Shlo­ and you shall make known to them the later occurred. Avraham could have mo Hamelech says in Kohelles (9, 6): path in which they should go, and the taken a different approach, pointing out "Their love, their hate, their jealousy deeds they should do "(Shemos 18, 20). that all that Lot had acquired was have already perished ... :· After all is said Teach them, as the Chofetz Chaim attributable to him. Instead, he gave Lot and done, all of the hatred and jealousy said, the path-the path of Avraham first choice, and even offered to help will disappear, and all that will remain Avinu, the path of kindness', of sensi­ him; in short, he was mench/ich. will be: "Lifnei mi atta asid litein din tivity for another's feelings. All the more so should a husband and v' cheshbon ... -Before Whom will you A Jew should ask himself, "Was I put wife, who had made a covenant of love give accounting for your actions in the on this earth to with each other on future? Before the Almighty" (Avos cause pain to I their wedding day, 2:1 ). someone, to my be respectful and If a couple must divorce, why can wife/husband? Was f a couple must considerate of one they not deal with each other with it for this purpose another. Let them respect and dignity, with concern and that my mother Idivorce, why can they recall how their rel­ sensitivity? One can rebuild one's own endured labor atives invoked the life, and help the other person do the pains at my birth, not deal with each blessings of same, as well; and in this way lead a that my parents Hashem for them! meaningful, quality life. Why can't chil­ suffered the tribu­ other with respect and If only couples dren of divorced parents continue to lations of child­ dignity, with concern entering into a have a mother and a father-an attitude rearing, my divorce would that would have such an ameliorative rabbe'im the effort and sensitivity? One bring out their effect on their long-term psychological of teaching me wedding album to development! wisdom-to bring can rebuild one's own remind themselves an individual into of their mutual Living Up to the Model of Our Forebears the world capable life, and help the other hopes and promis­ of such cruelty?" person do the same, as es! e do not need to '(reform" or This was Yisro)s May Hashem "improve" the halacha; King ultimate solution well; and in this way help us remove W David tells us, "Pekudei to the problem he this humiliating Hashem yesharim-the Laws of Hashem saw: instituting lead a meaningful, mean-spiritedness are just, giving joy to the heart" ( Tehillim judges will lessen from amongst our 19,9). Rather, we must cure the cor­ the problem, yes; quality life. people, and replace ruption in society. We must remember but teaching the it with a pleasant­ we are Zera Avraham, the Children of people to live with I ness of spirit, Abraham. We need not even go that far menchlichkeit, with inspiring Kiddush back in history. We are all children of chessed, would solve the problems in Hashem. Indeed, the Almighty has holy, pure, righteous tzaddikim of two, their entirety. We do not need to told us, "I wish kindness, not sacrifice" three generations back, who would "reform" or "improve,, the halacha; we (Hoshea 6, 6). • never have thought that their children need to renew our society. would find themselves in such straits or When Avraham parted company guilty of such conduct. with Lot, he told him:" Im hasmol v' eim- Call 1-800-KIRUV-84 When Yisro saw that the Jewish :from this verse, Chazal derive the obligation to do (1-800-547-8884) people were besieging Moshe Rabbeinu, chessedbeyond the requirements of the letter of the To contact Agudath Israel ul Amenca's requesting his guidance from morning law, i.e. lifnim mishuras hadin. lnformallon Hot line

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e are faced with a critical themselves at home or in school, it is If this trend does not reverse itself in problem, one that we must often in awkward and inappropriate ninth or tenth grade, new dynamics W address as a society. There is ways. This leads to more rebuke, more enter the equation. A driver's license. a spiritual underclass that exists in our slings and arrows attacking their already Work.A social life. Suddenly this young community-dropout teens. This low self-image. adult who has never been made to feel group of teenagers has no defining pre­ This downward spiral continues valuable or appreciated before, is told requisites, they come from every type of until the child reaches eighth grade, and what a wonderful job he does, how home, and every income level. These are the harrowing search for a mesivta charming he is, etc. At this point we have children that we as mechanchim ( edu­ begins in earnest. After a rejection entered a new phase in the struggle for cators), parents, and indeed society as from the local mesivta, the parents fran­ this Yiddishe neshama; a very difficult a whole have failed to reach. In Mon­ tically begin to research geared uphill battle. sey alone, there are dozens of such boys ages 16 and above who are in no yeshi­ va setting at all. We bump into them at • the mall, and we catch sight of them here is a spiritual underclass that exists in our through the plate glass window of the pool hall. In the greater New York area Tcommunity-dropout teens. This group of teenagers there are hundreds. And their numbers are growing. Rapidly. has no defining prerequisites, they come from every On analysis, only a small percentage of these boys (and girls) have extenu­ type of home, and every income level. These are ating circumstances that may have con­ children that we as mechanchim (educators), parents, tributed to their difficulties. Some come from very trying home situations. Oth­ and indeed society as a whole have failed to reach. ers of a more intellectual bent have seri­ ous emuna questions that., .. , led them astray. The vast majority, however, have • but one thing in common. They have to the underachieving student. For A CALL TO ACTION never felt successful in yeshiva. Shuffling some the search ends there. For others, from class to class, or worse yet, from their parents fear that this type of yeshi­ wo rabbe'im in Monsey, Rabbi school to school, their frustration grows va places a stigma on their son. Hope­ Aaron Milstein and Rabbi Sham­ to intolerable levels. Parental pressure fully the child is accepted to his second Tmai Blobstein, have heeded the increases; they often feel incredibly (or third) choice of yeshiva high school. call of the local Rabbanim, and have inadequate compared to their siblings; If this does not happen, this sensitive formed a wonderful series of nightly shi­ their self-confidence shrinks and often teenager is forced to admit to his peers urim geared to such young men and disappears. When they attempt to assert that he has no idea which yeshiva will their specific needs. To call this program accept him. While his classmates are a success would be an understatement. Rabbi Horowitz teaches 8th grade in Yeshiva of Spring Valley, and serves as principal of Genera! excitedly making summer plans, he is in The shiurim are generally well attend­ Studies in Yeshiva Bais Mikroh, both in Monsey, NY. limbo regarding his status for Elul ed and sparked by much genuine enthu­ He is leading a session on the topic of this article Zman. By the time his parents have siasm. Most important is the opportu­ at the Torah Umesorah National Convention this May. His "Post-Purim Ruminations" was featured placed him in a yeshiva, his self-image nity that presents itself for these in The Jewish Observer of April '96. has suffered yet another body blow. bachurim to bond with a rebbe. Many

The Jewish Observer, May 1996 17 times these shiurim are followed by of the rebbes, offering to contribute to mental or condescending. Speak to them heart-to-heart conversations with the the rent money for the facilities that they with respect. Don't comment on their rebbe lasting well into the night. use. Every wedding of one of the group appearance. Never, ever attempt witty A monumental difference exists is celebrated with great simcha by all. cracks or humorous lines at their expense. between our"drop-out teens" and those They have developed a remarkable Just accept them for what they are; nice of the secular world. A specific "Shela sense of unity that cuts across the great­ kids going through a difficult time. asani gay" is in order. While the exter­ ly divergent backgrounds from which nal trappings of these boys are not those they come. A CHILDHOOD SQUANDERED of the average yeshiva bachur, there is a The secret to the success of this pro· genuine thirst for spirituality in these gram is that the dedicated rabbe'im, all he most bittersweet feeling when young men. What is astounding is the volunteers, follow a simple set of guide­ observing this phenomenon is ... devotion these bachurim have for their lines; one that can be instrumental in Twhy couldn't we have reached rabbe'im and for each other. Many making our own contact with these these neshamos five or eight years ear­ times the boys themselves approach one youngsters successful. Don't be judg- lier, and avoid all this heartache? Each "client" represents so much strife with­ in the family, so many sleepless nights Helping each and every talmid for the parents, so much turmoil and pain within the boy's psyche, so much succeed in his learning and unrealized potential for growth; indeed, reach his potential. a childhood squandered. We must col­ lectively examine this situation careful­ Professional, warm, dedicated ly and search for meaningful changes that we can implement to reverse this Rebbeim and staff. frightening trend. Each situation, taken separately, Chavruea program with lends itself to a logical explanation. talmidim from Beth Medrash When viewing the broad picture, how­ ever, it becomes glaringly obvious that Govoha, Lakewood. something is very, very wrong. About one child you'll hear, "Of course he Vocational training offered in rebelled; look at how strict his parents conjunction with secular stud­ are:' Yet regarding another bachurin the same situation, you hear, "Growing up ies department. in such a permissive environment can only lead to total hefkeirus:' Personalized attention to "I begged his parents not to spoil him each talmid. like that"; vs. "Are you surprised that he ran off to work? Look at how poor his Supervised Dorming facilities family is!" "Could you imagine the pres­ sure he feels growing up with such a cho­ 20 minutes from Lakewood; sheveh father?" vs. "Like father like son-he never had a role model at 1 hour from Brooklyn. home. What do you expect?" It is intellectually dishonest to dismiss this situation as anything other than what sivta Machzikei Torah it is-a crisis in our chinuch world. radley Beach SEARCHING FOR CAUSES -,21-1.s·· i.oSirr >_,?>rnr.i~E11~'nfi hat, then, has changed so dramatically? For one thing, W the moral level of the secular Please contact Rahbi Yosef Posen at 908-776-6504 world at large has been in an unre­ or 905-0726. Faxc 908-905-1039 Mailing Address• strained free fall for many years now. In 1446 Monmouth Ave, Lake,vood, NJ 08701 the 14 years that I have been teaching

12 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 by this development. Our yeshiva-edu­ were welcome to do teshuva except for • cated parent body demands it, and we him. His response was" HoyiL ... lishani his sensitive teenager eagerly do everything in our power to behai alma." He replied, "Since the accede to their requests. option of teshuva is not available to Tis forced to admit to me, I will at least derive pleasure from THE CRESCENDO OF TAUNTS this world," and he 7"1 returned to his his peers that he has no path of aveiros. idea which yeshiva will he harsh reality is that a sub­ These sensitive young men are mis­ stantial percentage of our chil­ reading our well-intentioned messages accept him. While his Tdren simply can not keep up with to them. They are not hearing our calls these demands. Try as they may, many to improve, they misconstrue the pleas classmates are excitedly of them are unable to meet these high­ of their parents to better their lives and er expectations. As we ratchet up the ten­ enrich their future. All that keeps rever­ making summer plans, he sion level and raise the bar to encour­ berating in their ears is the never-end­ is in limbo regarding his age them to hurdle to greater heights, ing shout of voices that pierce their many of these children crash into the bar hearts: "We don't want you in our class­ status for Elul Zman. By time and time again. Broken-hearted room, in our yeshiva, in our mesivta, in and discouraged, they simply stop try­ our home.... " the time his parents have ing and seek fulfillment elsewhere. The haunting story of Elisha Ben SEARCHING FOR SOLUTIONS placed him in a yeshiva, Avuya-Acher comes to mind. Acher his self-image has suffered had sinned and the door to teshuva t is not my intent to offer broad solu­ was dosed to him. He heard a Bas Ko~ tions to this complex problem. For yet another body blow. a heavenly voice that proclaimed: I that we defer, as always, to our "Shuvu banim shovavim chutz m'Ach­ Gedolim. I would humbly like to share er." The voice informed him that all with other mechanchim some of the

eighth graders, the• decadence they are exposed to has increased not incre­ FINAL CALL FOR REGISTRATION! mentally, but exponentially. And it shows. Even those who do not have a MXcFIANEHHAREtYEHUtiAH television set at home can not shield TR'.AVl!L ING T .It l! PATHWAYS 0 F 0 UR. PR'.O PH l!TS their children from the relentless bar­ The Ereti Yisroel summer experience featuring RabhiYisroel Reisman N'.~, rage of tuma (abomination) that per­ inspiring our campers with the lessons of Tana ch and Chai.al "on location" meates every facet of secular society. Anyone involved in chinuch will tell you WEARli:NOWOFEl!RlNG that today's tinokos she/ beis rabbon (school children) face monumental TWOGREATPROGRAMS? nisyonos. Despite our best efforts, we 6WEEK PROGRAM cannot completely shield our children FORBOYSAGl!SJ3~18 from this onslaught. What we must address is a problem 4WEEKBEINHAZMANIM about which we can do a great deal to PROGRAM remediate. Throughout the past gener­ FORU·l2TH GRADERS AND ation, we have been, Baruch Hashem, BEIS MEDRASH BOCHURIM raising the expectation level of what our yeshiva system should produce as a final Both ofour exciting programs offer: product. Yeshivas Gedolos are not mere­ •• .SAFETY & .SEClJRnY OUR #1 PR10RJ1Y ly satisfied with graduating a group of • Armed guard and medic on campus and on all trips young men who will attend a shiur and • MeetGedolei Torah, visit famous Yeshivos and Mekomos I:lakedoshim support their local yeshiva. Our goal is • Daily and nightly sidrei halimud in our aiM:onditioned Beis Medrash to graduate ba'alei battim who can give • Exciting hikes, all sports, olympic size.swimming pool the shiurim, and Yungeleitwho have the • 'Iravl)lwith eig>erienced tou~ guides on private coach buse.s ability to become the Roshei Hayeshiva. ~1111111!9~8 We as mechanchim are rightfully thrilled

The Jewish Observer, May 1996 13 Rollin2 the Waves With Avi , ":a Parent Shares the Pain

"I'm s,orr}'.-Put ,your -son -Avil:: Once Jong beards. people who davened with fer, precious _spare time to "learn" - or­ again did not have-a--very_g:ood d_ay:_j vor~ The'' closer, a 'person seemed to father,- shmoO:ze - , w_ith- our son, _to With this ~llphemism WI! came.to .the Hashem,_the more alienated and hurt tllls assure him that he accepte!d'him, he was painful realization thatAvi couldpo Jong ... boy felt; He bad been going to shul every lriterested in him. continue in thi_$ yeShiva. ,for months_ we Shdbbos.Now he stopped going.He dav­ "Hashem ha.S many igents:''Tfiat SUrn~ ha.d pleaded'f{ith the Rebbe to ~nd~r­ ened -only occasio_nally. mer' a neighbor _offered to _takeAvi along stand :tli_at Ol:fi" son_ nee,ded _some_ extra Due- to the stress, we needed, to on his 'detivefies. He began-to learn with urtdersfa:ndin~:_an~::warmth; 1ns~ead,_the trairsfer him-lo-another School Since' no him _on Shabbps, and became_ a mentor Reb!>e became hat!h;.GW could.this b~ljust •Y""'" ago this ii\dic:tte -success fcir him, being so far fr()n'l teach a "Bais10 shiur. [Perhaps it's -ca.lled bright.gregariOtis boy. 'f{>S working hard where he felt he should be. "_Bois" _because the Rebbe has the o~p:orw at !JmudeiKMesh, and. the pride of his Our'hOmEfV/as in ~!."Constant state_ of tUnity -to build 'a Boyis, - a Str"OCture, he general studies teacher:.'.Now he had hit s~tess._ Being angry or sad, his moods -ran tan live in --for each child.) Today his: bo~om. Embarrassed dally -in f~n~_of'hi_s_ the_ house.,C_ou'nt1ess hours were spent life- is filled With purpose. His davenlng i$ friend~, his self~es_reem shrank. _(lne day ta1king, caj61ing, shouting.- encouraging, like those he, Used tO scorn. His love of I found him cr)ilng in front of his Dikduk breaking up_ fights and learning the JiM .. mussar -and deep concern, with halacha book. its-of'patien-ce. But one thing I remem­ is' a- pleasure.And he's gaining confidence ','What'S the_ matter;• r asked. ber: Nb matter how rough the day Or in' ~emora day by day. No, things aren't "All the other boynre on pagel 2 evening. not a:day went by that I didn't perleci, and we still need t:o reassure_ him, and l still can't do page I :• p_ut-_my :son-to_ bed, and kiss him:_good­ to_-disdpline. and,rernind him of how far ·~at does -your -R~bbe say?" night. He knew that someone loved him he'~ come. But w_e ar~ v_ery thankful to "He doesri't_care; H'e just doesn 1t like riO matWr What. Hashem thatAvi knows the-direction'he's rrie-.1' headed iri-is the right one. The very next day l related.the story i~ _tl:le-Rebbe. His response Sh()ck~d _m_e_'. Even,tu~l_ly the si_tuation _s_oure~ agai_n, *** -"Crl~d?_:-Qh;-tli~7:are JustaHigator _tean: tOd it-sf!er,n~d _as though w_e would _have_ My message to parents is: Dori't let :my- '(our son Just dis"'ptS the class.and I ton· no where t6 turn but to the wen~mean~ 0-n_e write off your - child. Let the stan~--ha'ie--t()' rem()ve_-him:· , ing- ~u_bUt_-SCho61 hi otJr_ar~a,>WJ-ikh lrlechanthim knoWthatyour child is a pre.­ _would Jind a- place for him- in a -special cious neshdm_a. Fight __ for: _him (or her). *'** :ed ,dasS~ With the chessed Of Hashem; Often their shanie is manifeSted as unac~ Every ¢~il be understood. h'oWever, we 'found a private Aebbe -to ceptable behavior. Each child wants to be tn: an unu~l sltu_atkm-:'~t child ne~ds_~-~-t teach_-him'; someone who really -under:~ "good:' But first they rriust_be suc:ce'ssful. _mu~ :rn<>~e ~~_derstanding-and_~ffecti?n stood hifn, aild -atcepted the ehaJlenge to:_:co_u_nt~_ra:ct___ the -~hame_:of_feeling inad_~ to bring :this hoy back. 1Not hiS real name. e<:>fuate -in _frcint of his _peer,-s:, 1btbuih0ut this time, we stayed -in iHiS contract _wiL~ not 'retiewed the following year. Ft_o:m_that_Rebb~lj o_\Jt' _s,on, and We_3-s tonta:ct_with :Out Rav. who-gave us the stre_ngtli_tO :continue.Also -he convinced The au'flWr requested attaif)lmitjY to protect the privacy par:ei;is.-_: ?nly ---~ecei'le_~ heartach__e_:- -and ofhis son and-the re]iutiition Of the school he attended. ridicu1e~-Avi -begatt-tO -mo_ck_-people :With anoth•r wonderful Rebbe to take of his

methods that--combined with tefilla asked me, "What do you know about them that several parents called that and seyata diShmaya-1 have found to difficulty?" night thanking me for sharing my be helpful in these situations. I immediately responded, "You obvi­ infirmity with the children, and what a • Convey to your talmidim again ously never met my eighth grade rebbe:' chizuk it was for their son to know that and again that each of them has a con­ When the laughter subsided, and I their rebbe had to overcome shortcom· tribution to make to Kial Yisroel. We all saw that he was not satisfied, I softly ings of his own. had classmates who struggled in yeshi­ informed the class that I had had a • The Parent-Teacher Conference va and became outstanding adults. speech impediment-stuttering-as a affords an important opportunity to Share some anecdotes with some of the child and I had to go to therapy to cor­ review the accomplishments of the weaker talmidim in a private setting. rect this problem. They were shocked. ta/mid with his parents, and discuss areas This past year, when I had quite a few They also didn't believe me. I told them that need improvement. It has its lim­ talmidim who were not learning well to think back carefully and remember itations, however. The conference is gen­ and were very frustrated, I was speak­ that during a difficult piece of Gemora erally conducted in December, after ing to the entire class about overcom­ I often let my guard down and stutter much of the zman (semester) has ing adversity. A ta/mid respectfully a bit. It made such an impression on passed. There is precious little "quality

14 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 time" for a serious, protracted discus­ ("They were right about this kid; he's child's feelings and need for privacy, will sion of the situation. Most of all, the starting up already!") be received accordingly. most important element of this dialogue "Put your hand down." • A dress code is an integral part of is missing ... the ta/mid. (This brings to "But I have ..." the structure of any yeshiva. Indeed, it mind the proverbial story of the Rabbi "I said put your hand down!!" is often a defining element in the who conducted an appeal for Ma'os "But rebbe, you misunderstand ...." school; as such, the yeshiva has the oblig­ Chittim. When asked by his wife how "I WHAT?? OUT!!!" ation to enforce these rules vigorously. successful the appeal was, he replied that It is critical for a rebbe to have cer­ When the child runs afoul of these he accomplished half of his intended tain information about his talmidim guidelines, however, it can be a source goal; all the poor people were now will­ before the year begins, to ascertain which of great conflict between a ta/mid and ing to accept the money. All that students require more sensitive han­ his rebbe. I strongly suggest that if it remained for him to do was to convince dling. If a child has a sick parent or sib­ becomes obvious that these violations the rid1 people to contribute the funds.) ling 7"1, or if the child comes from a bro­ are not isolated incidents, but rather Three years ago, I experimented ken home, etc., these facts must be with a new technique for helping conveyed to the rebbe. When a new NOTICE group of talmidim enter the classroom, talmidim who were not learning accord­ The following .is the le•t of article VI ing to their ability. The week after Suc­ the first thing that the rebbe should tell of the :Beth_ r-fedras_h Cov_oha, :-Lake­ cos, I invited the parents of one such them is that he knows nothing about _woodl--N.J. by~la'Ws, Which are eur:­ renlly in .lullloroe and efleet, and are ta/mid to my home and requested that them, and that he has no interest _carried out ih practice. their son come along. We scheduled the regarding their past performance. ARTICLE VI meeting for late evening, when their • Parents, teachers, and other s.eth Med rash Govoha shall. mlllntain younger children (and mine) were authority figures at times hold up chil­ a nondis~riminatory admissions policy and •hall at au llm•s be.In compftanee sleeping. We spent approximately a full dren for embarrassment or shame in with appllcable lederal, state and local hour discussing many issues pertaining front of classmates, siblings, or friends tegutation_s :il'1 re$ard _to -admissions, aceoin_modations.1 e_ducation:al oppor~ to the chinuch of the bachur. The ("Do you really know 'Oleinu' by heart? tunity; :stode_nr- aid_:p,ollcies and improvement in the boy's learning was Without a Siddur? Come, let's all hear employment. Qualified men of.Iha ~elVlsh.. faith are remarkable. your marvelous memory at work!''), admilled toSeth Medrash Govoha and Since then, I have been doing this leaving emotional scars and feelings of are _UftifOrmly' -accorded _a_n :righlS_;, with all talmidim that are not per­ anger that can smolder for years. Not privileges and beniefifst wilhout_regard _to t~ce_,_ eo•or1 natlon_al or ethnic-origin_~ forming at their level. I have yet to con­ every sin must be uncovered. Words of Seth Medrash Govoha shall ltlaintain duct such a meeting and fail to see a dra­ admonishment that are offered with love a policy of Equal Opportunity in Em· matic improvement in the boy's attitude and understanding, respecting the ployment. and learning. • We teachers must stop the destructive habit of obtaining a scout­ ing report on our talmidim before the r;.---- new zman begins. There is no valid rea­ 1 ! n::1u runn son for doing this. One would have to be superhuman not to let negative infor­ 1 Just Imagine.. mation taint the way we treat the I incoming class. Speak to many of the I The Most Amazing Summer of Your Life! I teenage "problem kids." You will hear I Six Incredible Weeks of Camping, Touring & Learning in '71'171117 yiN/I this refrain again and again: "I was never I Just ask these 9th - 12th Grade .lj1)1' D'.l Girls: I given a fair chance after my first bad I Al'fREJ' 8.Y 8.Y. ASllOOO 8.Y. BALTIMO'RE I year:' There just might be some truth to s.Y. 801l0 PARK 8.Y. Los A~Etu t.Y. MoNm I it. How many times have we heard the 1 t.Y. MONnlr.tL B.Y. R.S.R. HIRSCH B.Y. SJIRIN(J lfALLEY I warning;'Watch out for-"? In the spir­ I t.Y. TORONTO t.Y. 'IERUlllAl.AYIM tof10V 8NOS ZION I it of fairness, let us imagine that we were I MACHON 8.Y. TOMAR OEVORAN Y.O.lt told negative information about the best ta/mid in the class without the prior I 7M 'IN11!17 yiN &~ - 9,,,. tk :Ji'JI' n•::i tjuttl I •0' knowledge of what a masmid and lam­ A Warm, Haimislle, Secure Atmosphere in Ma nificent Yad Binyumin I dan he is. Picture the scenario. This young ta/mid chacham raises his hand the very first day to ask a splendid kushya. The rebbe hears warning bells.

---·--·-·---·------~-·-·------~------The Jewish Observer, May 1996 15 indicate a rebellious pattern, it would be • Within a heterogeneous group, 2) If a talmid is absolutely unable to appropriate for the administration of the much can be done to accommodate the read the Gemora or Chumash, perhaps yeshiva to step in, and time for the rebbe educational and social needs of the assure him that in the short term you to exit gracefully. talmid who is encountering difficulty. will not call on him to read publicly. Or A rebbe cannot afford to squander all I) Tests can be a source of great stress better yet, give him a short piece to pre­ of his political capital and enter an adver­ for the underachiever. On a temporary pare, then call on him to say this piece. sarial relationship with a talmid over the basis, it is often helpful to allow the child He will be grateful to you for caring length of the child's hair, size of his yarmul­ to be tested on a small portion of the about his feelings and his cheishek ka, etc. To be sure, parents must assume material covered (I blatt out of 4; until (ambition) to learn will increase tenfold. responsibility and support the yeshiva's Sheini in Chumash). Insist on perfection 3) Another helpful idea is to allow the position. Without this crucial backing, the for that amount. After you have built up child to take notes during shiur and then yeshiva will find it quite impossible to his self-confidence, he will be able to be use them during the written exam. Insist resolve this situation painlessly. accountable for larger amounts. that they must be his notes only; don't allow him to copy from any other boys.

Mozeson/Ma\inowski Advert1smg (201)801·0101 You will be training him to be focused and involved in the daily shiur. Much tact is needed to avoid incur­ ring the envy of the other students. One way to deal with this is by reserving the top echelon of report-card grades for those who do not resort to any of these aids. Generally speaking, the other stu­ dents will respect the fact that you are dealing gently with their peers. You also will be teaching them a valuable lesson in derech eretz and tolerance.

TO TRACK OR NOT TO TRACK

here has always been a heated • debate among mechanchim Twhether larger yeshivas, those that have two classes or more in each grade level, should "track" the talmidim (grouping them according to ability) or not. Those who disagree with the track­ ing method cite two valid reasons: I) The presence of talmidim who excel in their limudim (studies) give average performers a goal to aim for. Indeed, lack of boys that are" shteiging' could lead to lowered expectations, resulting in weaker children not even performing in accordance with their limited abilities. Additionally, the pres­ ence of a stronger group of talmidim is often a positive influence in terms of The Shalom Task Force yiras Shamayim-they daven better, - ~ Abuse Hotline is endorsed by .... - etc. To deprive weaker talmidim of this ,...$' .., positive peer pressure is unfair and leading Orthodox Rabbonim. Ii-t-. FO~c., undermines their future. Why should we Confidential Hotline 7 1 8 3 3 7 3 7 O 0 compromise the goals of these talmidim just because they find learning difficult? Do it for yourself. Collect calls accepted. The often quoted p'sak in this matter Do it for your children. is from Rabbi Aaron Kotler 7"~, who

16 The Je-Msh Observer, May 1996 advised menahalim and rabbe' im alike not RETHINKING THE ISSUES yeshiva/rebbe have the authority to ask to remove weaker students from the class, a disruptive child to leave the yeshi­ and they will, with the passage of time, erhaps the time has come to va/classroom?" To which Reb Aaron integrate with the other talmidim and rethink our opposition to this sys­ replied that if the presence of a ta/mid remain devoted to Torah and mitzvos. Ptem. Let us address the two above­ is so detrimental to the general chinuch 2) We do not Jive in a Utopian soci­ mentioned factors. First the educa­ atmosphere by his conduct or by intro­ ety. The brutal reality is that these chil­ tional concerns: ducing tuma into the minds of others, dren become labeled as soon as they are We will begin with the p'sak of Reb the yeshiva has the right, indeed the placed in a slower track. They feel inad­ Aaron ?··:n. As explained to me by Rabbi obligation, to remove him before he equate, no mesivta will take them, they Yehoshua Silbermintz ?·r, who dis­ harms others. will become second-class citizens. cussed this issue personally with Reb The next question posed was what to Menahalim fear a bruising battle with Aaron, the Rosh Yeshiva was addressing do with a boy who casts a pall over the each parent who is informed of the deci­ a totally different situation. The ques­ classroom-not by disrupting, but by sion to track their son. tion posed was: "At what point does the his lack of effort or inability to keep up.

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The Jewish Observer, May 1996 17 In this context, the poignant p'sak, "Let regarding all of their students. popularity of a decision on such an a weak talmidremain and listen," has lit­ The result? Many boys now thrive in important issue. The parents only want tle bearing on our discussion. classes they can keep up with; many what we want: a happy, motivated, well Even if there were a direct p'sak bright boys who were bored in the lower adjusted child. When they witness their regarding this issue of tracking math class are now excited to be work­ child's progress, they will agree that we talmidim, I would suggest that the ing at their level. Discipline is less of a made the correct decision. dynamics of today's situation, as factor, and I certainly am more famil­ described above, would dictate that we iar with every student and his progress. A REWARDING CHALLENGE ask our present-day Gedolim to reassess In fact, two eighth graders in the "B" FOR THE RIGHT REBBE this difficult situation for us. This is not track for Language Arts are currently in rn to question the previous p'sak or to an accelerated "Regents Program" in ward to those rabbe'im who doubt the far-reaching vision of our math-no small accomplishment. might have the inclination to Gedolim's Daas Torah. Due to the more Ateach a tracked class geared to the elevated nature of our mainstream SOME IMPLICATIONS underachieving talmid: by all means do classes, however, it is entirely appropri­ so! If your menahel is opposed to the ate that we ask the she'eila again. do not advocate departmentalizing idea, plead with him to try it just once. Limudei Kodesh. Torah is handed You don't need any special training. You ON TRACK IN GENERAL STUDIES I down from rebbe to ta Im id. It is dif­ need to love your talmidim, and ficult enough to maintain the proper believe-truly believe-that there are no fternoons, I serve as the Gener­ kesher(bond) with 25 talmidim, let alone bad children. Your talmidim will pick up al Studies Principal at Yeshiva 75. We can, however, structure our class­ on this feeling and give you their A Bais Mikroh in Monsey. The chil­ es to create homogeneous groups so that utmost. It will be the most rewarding dren are tracked according to level in the underachieving student can be edu­ experience of your chinuch life. secular studies. During May '95, grades cated al pi darko. This would also alle­ Yes, you will miss that delightful feel­ 5 and 7 took the Iowa Tests, a battery of viate the very real problem of bright ing of starting a Beis Halevi and watch­ standardized tests. The results con­ talmidim who in the mainstream class­ ing the brilliant talmid jump up and fin­ firmed what I had long suspected. es are developing poor study habits and ish it for you, all the while giving you that Many of the boys who were below level are becoming frustrated at being forced 100-watt smile. Your successes will be very in reading and spelling were above aver­ to endure long stretches of chazara small at the onset, but they will without age, even brilliant, in math. Others who (review) and "down time" between the question grow as the year progresses. Most were strong in reading found math dif­ new inyanin (topics) of Gemora that of all, that wonderful feeling of knowing ficult. I restructured grades 6 through they so quickly and eagerly devour. you turned a young man's life around for­ 8 to permit students to be in the ''.A:' track Which brings us to the social issue .... ever, will be yours for the rest of your life. for math and "B" track for all other sub­ Without question, it is hurtful for a You must be made aware of the draw­ jects; or vice versa. This move involved child to be informed that he belongs in backs of teaching a class such as this. You a great deal of effort. After carefully a weaker class. However, this temporary will be genuinely sad when the year reviewing each child's report card to be discomfort will pass. Children adapt to ends-you'd love to have just a bit more certain that my placements were sound, all situations. This cannot begin to com­ time to polish the diamond that you dis­ I called all parents of children who were pare to the ongoing pain of knowing you covered and washed so very carefully. You to be effected. Before the teachers left for are not growing, the agony of that walk will worry about them-long after they the summer, I requested their evaluation to the Rebbe's desk to pick up your test have left your class-in a way you never paper, the dread of being called on to thought you could. You will find your­ say the Gemora during the farherr. self calling their present rabbe'imto plead HAT PLUS The major difficulty is getting the with them to have a soft touch with your parents on board. I firmly believe that talmid. Every bein hazmanim, as soon as HATS • SHIRTS• TIES • ACCESSORIES parents will be willing partners in this the boys return home from yeshiva, they Your#1Stop endeavor if we can convince them that will drop in to say hello. Former talmidim For these changes are for their son's bene­ will call you every Friday afternoon to Quality Hats fit and not to alleviate a problem that wish you "A gu tten Shabbos." Every the yeshiva has. If they are still unhap­ Purim, until they go off to Eretz Yisroe~ WE ALSO DRY CLEAN LARGESr SELECTION py, we must have the courage of our con­ or get married, they will be at your home & PESHAPE HATS OF CHOSON!M TIES fN BROOKlYN '~ l \J ' (; ' "p 0 " ' victions. Our job is to decide what is in with mishloach manos. You see, you aren't 483 E. 9th STREET1tae111t1tn111¥Mlltll} the child's best interest and then to act. becoming a rebbe of theirs; hopefully you (718)469-7420 • 0utots1 ... 1-rs b10:30.t,M,Y(Th1:0D-7, U.2:.30°7, Frl11:S0° (f!MHrl#nl.) We cannot be in the position of react­ will become the rebbe, the one they will Most Ctedreads Ac • ~ UPS ing to the polling data regarding the remember for the rest of their lives. •

18 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 Rabbi Hillel Goldberg

He Lived to Give

Sheldon K. Beren ?"t, 1922-1996

Imagine, you handle the mass mail­ works. And yet, within the constraints but for the spirit behind them and the ings in a tzeddaka office. Small checks of the modest Beren temperament is a family ethos they represent. To those come in-$18, $50, perhaps once in a fierce determination to revolutionize the who witnessed Sheldon Beren up close, while, $250. These are the open hearts of second-class status of Orthodox his humility was extraordinary. He felt Kial Yisroel responding to needs far away in the Jewish public mind, and nothing was coming to him. from home. You proof the letters, stuff the to do so by building, building, building. The year the Ba is Yaakov High School envelopes, and maintain the lists. In Denver, we have the privilege of an of Denver opened, Beren called Rabbi One day you open an envelope with occasional peek into the resplendent Myer f. Schwab, the principal, and insist­ an ordinary 2W stamp. You blanch. This motivation and rigorous modus operan­ ed on being sent a tuition bill, "so people has never happened in the history ofyour di behind such signs or titles as the "The don't say, Sheldon Beren doesn't pay tzeddaka. There is no special message Beren Campus" in Baltimore, "The tuition!"-despite the fact that Beren had inside. No talk about a dinner honor, or Beren Building" in Lakewood, "The already committed to cover the entire a plaque-nothing. The sum on the Beren Torah Center" in Boystown, deficit of the school that year. check: $72,000. , the "Beren Department of Beren once entered a store in Baro his story about Israel Henry Jewish Studies" in New York-not to Park. Years earlier, he had extended a siz­ Beren, an exceedingly humble mention a plethora of Orthodox Jewish able loan to its proprietor to get started. Tman who expected nothing in institutions in Denver. As it was alien to him to recall past return for his tzeddaka, is like the tip of To unravel the full scope of this fam­ favors, he simply presented the clerk at an iceberg. The late Israel Henry Beren ily would require a full-length biogra­ the register with a credit card. The clerk was part of a legendary family in Kial phy. The precipitate cause of this short­ asked for identification and did not rec­ Yisroel-he, his two late brothers, Harry er effort is the unexpected passing of ognize the out-of-state ID. He called H. and Adolph, and Adolph's two sons, Sheldon K. Beren, son of Adolph and upstairs, There's a Beren here from Robert M. and the late Sheldon K. Beren. Ethel-second president of Torah Ume­ Denver, recognize him? Only then did Very little is known about these and sorah, and chairman of Regional Vice­ the grateful and embarrassed proprietor other names on this family tree because presidents of Agudath Israel of Ameri­ have the opportunity to greet his bene­ of the quiet way it goes about its good ca, visionary of a rebuilt Orthodox factor. community nationally, and supporter of As important as Beren's spirit was, the Rabbi Hillel Goldberg, editor of Denver's Inter· Torah institutions everywhere. facts must come first. The special spir­ mountain Jewish News, is a frequent contributor to The passing of Sheldon Beren mer­ it of a mitzva is not perceptible without these pages, most recently with "Playing G-d," in Jan. '96. This article is copyright l 996 by Hillel Goldberg. its special attention and sorrow not only the mitzva performance itself. because of his outsized contributions, Without the facts.

The Jewish Observer, May 1996 19 I. A SHIUR ON SHABBOS Jewish communities, but because their into the atmosphere in which his son IN MARIETTA, OHIO children assimilated-melted away­ Sheldon was raised: and were never heard from again. Before my mother, Liba Rasha, of y facts, I means achievements. This was the fate of most Jews of blessed memory, passed away, she Sheldon K. Beren, by the end of Sheldon Beren's generation hailing from said to me: "Ihr zolt bleiben Yidden?' Bhis life, had built or sustained so a similar place of origin. Translated: "You should remain Jews." many Torah institutions that it is easy But Sheldon Beren's parents, Adolph The connotation intended by her, to overlook his unlikely but fertile and Ethel Beren, were unique. Immi­ I am sure, is that you should live your beginnings. They really reflect his largest grants from Dankra, Latvia, Adolph life in such a way as to reflect the pride achievement of all: he remained frum Beren and the extended Beren family and privilege of being a Jew, and that altogether, coming as he did from a tiny were part of a tiny but highly-commit­ you should so conduct yourselves American city-Marietta, Ohio. ted Orthodox community in Marietta. that you will follow the command­ Throughout America there are small If the Berens could not inculcate ments and statutes ... given on Mount cities that now have but one Jewish insti­ advanced Torah knowledge per se, they Sinai to the Jewish people .... And by all tution: a cemetery. From Leadville, could inculcate undying allegiance to it. means, start early to let your children Colorado, to Las Vegas, New Mexico, the Sheldon Beren's parents were thor­ have a Torah chinuch, so that they will cemetery is often the only reminder that oughly Americanized-and thorough­ be indoctrinated with the Jewish val­ 80 to I 00 years ago, the United States ly not. His mother was born in the US ues that our holy Torah tells us .... was dotted with small, thriving Ortho­ and his father arrived as a young boy. In 1994, at the funeral of Adolph dox Jewish communities, with shuls, Their English was not an immigrant's Beren's younger brother, Israel Henry, mikvehs, kosher meat, chevra kadishas, English and their independent entre­ in the Orthodox synagogue in Mariet­ free loan societies, chevra Shas--every­ preneurial spirit was like a Rocke­ ta, Sheldon Beren delivered a memorable thing but institutions of full-time Torah feller's, but they were radically, self-con­ eulogy. He pointed to each seat-each education. Without yeshivas, the bright sciously, Jewishly different. On his 90th makom kavu'a-- and drew a brief word spots disappeared. Not because their birthday, Adolph Beren wrote a short picture of the person who used to occu­ members moved to larger Orthodox ethical will to his family. It is a window py it, describing the community in which he was raised: His two uncles, • ...... ';ti:\ who became major Torah benefactors in V:Je are~~. acc~J'Hng applications their own right; his great-uncle, "Uncle f~f'.'bOY$••anp.young·l'nen Ruby;, a pious man remembered espe­ ••.• ,• cially for keeping his own cow, so that ~~e$1 O·~~wit~· Marietta's Jews could have cholov Yisroe~ .'£irtotio11at•··~r Dr. Muskat, trained in Slobodka and a respected religious authority; the local bev~lopll\entall)i~abilities· schochet, who was also the melamed; the "lulav and esrogperson" who shared the •. , tosBendanipfi~~ek .. , mitzva objects with each family to summerva<;!:)tion•underlhfJ,QYidance. of recite the blessing. Beren recalled his father, Adolph, and he recalled his own ·<:lHBt'.and•Bais Ezra· seat, next to his father. trainedptofes~iOJ1alsat From a self-contained, Sabbath­ CAMPAlSHEL . observant community, the message . . ... · •····· •Whit• Lakeif':IY taken by Sheldon Beren was the 'The seasonwiH !)egin•in;Jurie.19$6 supreme importance of the Torah and Umitecj.·a111(:1.unt of $P~e.··avai.lable. · those who embody it. · Applications will be ~valu~ted on a There was a shiur in Yiddish each · · .firstcOn'ffi, first sewed basis .. Shabbos. Sheldon's father and Uncle Ruby insisted that Sheldon attend, even Dir~ctpr,.RabbiSamFr(l~kel• though his Yiddish was undeveloped. No For :more information plea~ write or call: matter that he would grasp little, he •Ca:mp Afshel would come away with the spirit and R

20 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 because it had a Torah Umesorah day group of committed Orthodox Jews. 1 school, Hillel Academy. Originally they petitioned the local • It was their conscious decision to tai­ modern Orthodox synagogue to rent its is sustained Torah lor their lives around intensive Torah facility. Their request was denied. Hleadership was education that set the stage for all that Instead, the elderly, pious Rabbi Charles lie ahead, locally, nationally, and E. H. Kauvar considered it an honor for truly unique, especially internationally. his traditional congregation to house the considering that Beren school. Soon thereafter, a small school- II. "THE SAME SUN THAT RISES IN THE -10ut of personal esteem and hakarasha;ov, I should was a hands-on, EAST SETS IN WEST" like to mention a few of these pioneers, similar groups of which no doubt existed around the coun­ meeting-attending, enver's Hillel Academy had try: the late Morris Hagler, the late Manny and Molly Feder, the late Dr. Leonard and \.7-n?::in Edith Lev­ opened in 1953 under the pio­ report-preparing, follow­ isohn, the late Ben and \.7-n?:Jn Bernice Zussman, D neering leadership of a small and Dr. and Mrs. Werner Prenzlau. through president; and that as he took on new obligations, the old ones did not suffer. Moreshes Bais Yaakov he could draw a• fairly tight correlation between those who attended the shiur and those who remained Orthodox. SEMINARY Adolph Beren was a mokir rabbanan. In the early 1940s, despite his own lack of income, he spent much time escort­ The pioneer in Bais Yaakov intensive seminary ing Rabbi Elya Meir Bloch to solicit funds to found the Telshe Yeshiva in chinuch combined with parnossa-generating skills Cleveland. In his 90s, he used his last strength to rise when a rav entered the Announces Registration tor the T" )lVll/ 1996-97 School Year room. Thus did Sheldon Beren absorb a deep appreciation for Torah. With it, Our creative program of w11p '111J'?, teacher training, he went off to Harvard at age 17 to study computer skills and special education will emanate from chemistry, and later worked for three years on the Manhattan Project (for cre­ our new campus in the vicinity of Lakewood, New Jersey. ating the first atom bomb) in the U.S. Army in Oakridge, Tennessee, and Los • Comfortable supervised housing for out-of-town students Alamos, New Mexico. • Financial aid available to qualified students In Boston, he married Faygel Abram­ son, from a local Orthodox family that • A second year afternoon program for graduates of Eretz Yisroel had helped found Maimonides and American Seminaries in computer skills and advanced School-one of the first day schools in Limudei Kodesh studies the United States-and eventually entered the family business, in oil pip­ ing and supply. A few years later, in FOR APPLICATIONS, PLEASE SEE YOUR Wichita, Kansas, with small children, the HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL OR CONTACT Berens were at a crossroads: would their THE MORESHES OFFICE AT family go the way of thousands of other 10 CHICANOS DRIVE, LAKEWOOD, NJ 08701 sincere, observant Jews in cities without 908-901-20751908-370-4371 intensive Jewish day schools? The Berens said No. In 1959, at potential detriment Rabbi Eli Lazar, Dean to their income, they moved to Denver

The Jewish Obse1Yer, May 1996 21 house was bought in a distant part of To the surprise and even consterna­ vention: The same sun that rises in the town and one grade was added each year. tion of the Allied, the newcomer from East sets in the West. Public school or By 1963, Sheldon Beren was president Kansas headed a major, independent departure for an out-of-town yeshiva at of Hillel Academy. He also began a 25- building campaign, which successfully age 14 should not be the only options year, largely fruitless dialogue with the concluded in an impressive modern for Hillel graduates. Therefore, in 1967, Allied Jewish Council (later Federation) facility, without its help. he became the first president of a over funding for intensive Jewish edu­ By 1966, Beren asked: What will mesivta high school in Denver, Yeshiva cation, beginning with an appropriate, become of Hillel graduates? Is elemen­ Toras Chaim. When it opened, Denver modern facility for Hillel. Allied regard­ tary day school enough to hold the was probably the smallest Jewish com­ ed Beren's blunt, bleak prediction that younger generation? He also felt that munity in the Diaspora to have a bona there was no future for a Denver Jewish Jewish children in the West deserved the fide mesivta. Sheldon Beren was earn­ community without a solid Jewish day same level of Jewish education available ing a reputation as a bold and vision­ school as unAmerican, simply bizzare­ in larger Orthodox communities. As he ary leader. or, in the lingo of the time, "too Jewish:'2 put it later at a Torah Umesorah con- In 1967, Beren's partner in Jewish education, the warm and engaging Mrs. Faygel Beren, passed away at a young age. In 1968, Sheldon Beren mar­ ried dedicated and compassionate Miri­ am Levitan, widow of an eminently suc­ cessful rebbe in Mesivta Torah Vodaath. In Denver, Miriam Beren had a unique problem: a high school daughter with no school to attend. Miriam Beren spurred her husband to a solution: Found a Bais Yaakov in Denver. And so it was. This completed the basic structure of Beren's vision for Jewish survival in cities away from large, Orthodox population • Donor Walls Call for free catalog • Trees of Life 2Beren and others proved to be only too correct. A Outside NYS: 1-800-922-7377 • Bulletin Boards 1979 demographic study showed the intermarriage W.&E. BAUM rate in Denver at 720/o, the highest in the country, (718) 439-3311 • Yarzeit Tablets Bronze Tablet Corp. • Plaques and Awards and 20 points higher than the 52% national figure Industry Leaders for Three Generations Fax: (718) 439-6556 of 1991, which itself shocked the American Jewish • Fundraising Concepts community. Early on, the Denver Jewish commu­ nity was in extremis, a harbinger of national trends, but the local federation establishment would not listen, even into the 1990s. Instead of genuine solutions came the des­ Create a Priceless Zebus perate steps of accommodating intermarriage with "joint conversion" (which folded in 1982) and for­ for yourself or a loved one. mal outreach to the intermarried-a tactic that has caught fire nationally, and that, together with poli­ cies such as patrilineality, has inundated non-Ortho­ dox synagogues and temples with non-Jewish members. This is the context in which Beren and others in Denver have struggled. Incidentally, the modern Orthodox syna­ gogue that didn't want a Jewish day school is now Conservative; the graduates of what this shul then took to be its superior Torah probably do not number half a minyan of shomrei Shabbos. On the other hand, the Allied Jewish Federation in 1995 launched a second-line campaign, similar to the Exo­ dus and Ethiopian campaigns of the past, but this time for the educational needs of local Jewish chil­ dren. On the demise of Denver's joint conversion program, see the Intermountain Jewish News special I H I ( H 0 I I I / ( H \ 11\1 HI Rll \(al IOlND\ll(lN section, "Conversion and Patrilineality'' (Dec. 2, 1983), and the discussion on the topic in The Jew­ ish Observer of Jan. '84.

22 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 centers: a day school, a yeshiva with beis A notable case in point: midrash, and a Bais Yaakov. This vision In February 1995, Chaim Dovid would later be supplemented by a sum­ Zwiebel' recalls, the U.S. Department of mer camp, which would feed into the Agriculture proposed new regulations day school. governing the processing of meat and poultry, designed to reduce harmful III. FOUNDER, SUSTAINER, HANDS-ON pathogens, such as salmonella and E-coli. PARTICIPANT Agudath Israel's Washington Office coordinated a careful review of the pro­ heldon Beren was not just a posed regulations, and determined a founder of institutions, but a sus­ number of areas in which the proposal Stainer; and not just a sustainer, but could compromise the kashering process a participant. No figurehead, or unin­ of melicha (salting). Abba Cohen, direc­ volved check writer, he! tor of the office, submitted a detailed fi~lielis~ln;Gto\Yth And he stayed the course--as found­ memorandum to the USDA, showing S(fiirf(:~~:~~~~N'a~te:tl'i ~m~r/4·' ing president of Yeshiva Toras Chaim for how the proposed regulations could ·••· lit tl!e:;t('tt;~·.·~9!1!. life, from 1967 until he died, this past have a severe impact on the availabili­ /qlitio?iil•~rmv~9.1'~fAgriJfao/l$1Jfe/ February. Similarly, as national president ty of kosher meat and poultry in the ·tJfAtf!e:~it,~t.il1Q1ng of Denver (1978-1996), treasurer of the the Department of Agriculture take fll~~b(~~atlJl~ta,ef~~~·~" Bais Yaakov of Denver (l 968-1996), note? The USDA received approxi­ ~.o,~1~1n~~m~11yaf11!.tl\~r~~°:f tl\e:• founding president of Lubavitch of mately 7,000 written comments on its ·.~<>~'ilfJ~i~r·,f1dnl'D~!\W;sr;·;s.ev,"n Colorado (l 978-1994) .... Jn addition, he proposed regulations-with only Mr. .~t1rec~~ri;•f:>(~ey~edicet1e1~ ~~a: founded a kollel in memory of his first Cohen's memorandum pointing out the ~op~ls~ta:tldlj oftllis•g~wtrj s~ctor wife, co-founded the Western Center for impact on kashrus. Agudath Israel had t!A. Russian Jewry, founded Kolle! Bais Hil­ to make a direct pitch to the Secretary lel (named after his fa th er), was active of Agriculture, Daniel R. Glickman, or in Agudath Israel of America, having its written comments would get lost in ;I!~ r~~.~.111~nr His sustained Torah leadership was a longstanding personal relationship y~~t~~tl'~~re;~~;~~~~~re.~7,.,~.,~,- · president; and that as he took on new Beren took telephone in hand, reminisced .~e.n• ig~t;3~~~·i~;~7;~~~1~.'?f.• obligations, the old ones did not suffer. on how well Danny had read his Bar (;p . . 'W~~i:!.7ffs~~•;• He always treated his new responsibil­ Mitzva Parsha, and succeeded in setting ...... ~ift~l~~~~~(>.6~~ ities as cumulative-adding to, not up a face-to-face meeting between Agu· .q:~pi~fr.ArJON offered advice. He initiated contacts.And gave his time. He truly cared.

The Jewish Observer, May 1996 23 dath Israel and the Secretary for mid­ ject through, above and beyond finan­ base for his Jewish thoughts and August. cial contribution. actions ... [he] can be overwhelmed by But for Beren that was not enough. the general environment.... It's one of "What will be your pitch to Glickman?" IV. A PHILOSOPHY OF EARNING the fundamental guiding principles ... he prodded. The reply did not satisfy [in the] various decisions I make:' him: "No, that's too general. You need to hether financial or personal, Decisions he made! In the small print present him with a specific counter-pro­ the chessed that Sheldon and of an advertisement, journal or posal," he insisted. "This is like a busi­ W Miria1n Beren extended was brochure, occasionally there would ness negotiation; you can't go in with­ discreet. While Beren gave no interviews, appear the name, Sheldon K. Beren. out knowing precisely what you want." a rare exception was one granted to the Since he usually allowed no mention of The strategy was adjusted accordingly. Intermountain Jewish News in 1985. himself, a small mention betokened a The Agudath Israel group met with Among his remarks: major effort. Case in point: Shuvu, the Secretary Glickman. Sheldon Beren was "If you had a visceral interest in outreach program for Russian Jews in not present in the room; nor was his Jewish activities, in my case certain Israel. Beren played a major interna­ name once mentioned. But the Secretary schools, it gives an added incentive for tional role in Shuvu, but never did a listened carefully and made an informal carrying out a successful business press release focus on that role. commitment to address the kashrus­ enterprise. Your goal isn't just to get Beren was active everywhere, but he related concerns in the revised version of yourself another condominium some­ didn,t advertise it. On occasions such as the Department's regulations. place in the mountains. It gives you a parlor meetings that necessitated an The success of this vital shtadlonus different value system." announcement of his contribution, he effort could directly be attributed to What makes Jewish day schools so often understated the amount he gave. Beren's passion for Jewish interests, his important? His saw his job as getting the ball rolling, hard-nosed businessman's sense, and his "The environmental factors of the not publicizing his giving. memory of a well-lained Bar Mitzva Par­ United States are very powerful. Of the some 90 annual dinners of sha-in his commitment to see a pro- Unless a person has a well-grounded organizations he was openly involved in, I do not recall a single one at which he, Considering a move or his wife Miriam, were the honorees, with exception of Agudath Israel of to MOl'fSEY? America in 1977. There is no "Sheldon and Miriam Beren Building" anywhere, For careful attention to your rarely even a plaque. Where there is a plaque, as his son Rabbi Shea Beren individual needs, call us today! pointed out, the name is "Sheldon and (914) 354·8445 Miriam Beren." Sheldon and Miriam Beren spurred each other to greatness. These are the facts. The achievements. And, something of the spirit.

V. THE SPIRIT OF THE MAN

eren was a giant of a man, but not RegiS,1ta~oli•\~ ~~t~dto X0~1l?~lllJ~trt·:wJJo·•)Vill~llV.~imdMdtialized at!enti~~.··~··· in a way commonly thought of Bwith a person of his station. • ·•• ·· • >. · · · · • · from ll!ld1ellrtl with the•.Kollel ·. • •• ··• ·· Flashiness was never associated with •Ejin ~•\Vhich deve!opiilie/ml;hltr's ~ilify~ llll#l1~~0g'.Jl11Sand ~daish wltll.e · . ". him. Boasting, showing off-utterly remaj~ing faith/ul to '!I~ blatt'iu~de:th,e guidJji1ce of, ~d shi~nr£rom; Harov Chaim Fri~~ alien to his style. Expensive vacations R?sh ~K,oll<;ll Ros,h Yes!UVl! > ·•·· ·.·.. ·..••..... · ...... < . . . . . < ·•···.·· · did not interest him. The contrast •Shinn~ in 1l.a1~pli~ r,i:~~.!n9up~~slra&ils.. an4 ~'~W~ an$~!1S1m. !lar.tYD.ovj~ · between the way he lived and the way ; El~~hri;~os~.Bais~in~fllajs~Bai~,J·le;e~, ; • ;!; / ..... •.·.· •· .·;· ...• • Dlif lla'.yoli\i §biur ·.t Shiu( ll:~shl

24 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 pile up possessions, but gave them away and assumed that any serious represen­ of Denverites each week. We knew well productively. He lived to give. tative of a Torah institution was an expert that many came to Denver for one rea­ As his son Rabbi Zev Beren pointed unless proven otherwise. In this way, he son: Beren received meshulachim in his out, tzeddaka is related to tzeddek (jus­ gave tremendous respect to people. home. tice), and Sheldon Beren gave because Personally. he wanted to do what was right. He tried VI. NOT TOO BIG FOR Day in and day out. to get others to go along with him, but THE LITTLE MAN He was not too big for the little man. if necessary, he went it alone. Coexten­ The number of yeshivas he helped, sively, this was part of his vision for a here was a mystique about Beren. business loans he extended, weddings he renewed Torah Judaism in America. As numerous as his public activ­ helped make, health bills he lowered, Since he could envision it, it was his duty Tities were, it was also known, if rents he paid, and institutions he led, is to actualize it. only skeletally, that they just skimmed incalculable. Beren was uncommonly straightfor­ the surface. The simplest evidence is the Beren's curiosity nurtured not only ward. As his son Daniel Beren pointed meshulachim who appeared at the doors his commitment to education, but his out, he told his employees to be ready for an audit from the IRS every single day. With impeccable integrity, he was a constant mekadesh Shem Shamayim. This was not just his practice, but his demeanor. He never equivocated. He knew his own mind and one always knew where he stood-and fast. One rarely meets a mind that can analyze so many sides of an issue so rapidly, and who naturally sets forth his conclusions so unvarnished. He challenged a dis­ cussant to think, to say what he really felt, and not to flinch from seeing the implications of his position one step beyond the obvious. He enjoyed the repartee, but some who did not know their own mind, could find his power of analysis intimidating. Beren knew the power and the com­ fort of economy. Economy of possessions, of words, of time. With a single word or act, he could launch an entire project, obviate an entire juggernaut, lay aside an entire problem. He knew how to "invest" in charities, to make them productive; to invest in business) to make it yield; to invest in his neighborhood, to build its schools and buy its available housing, then to rent it at cost to keep things sta­ ble and to offer those with little means a chance to join a Torah community. Beren had an insatiable curiosity. He actively, even aggressively, sought infor­ mation from people in all fields. How honored countless meshulachim or roshei yeshiva found themselves when Beren, in addition to writing a check, detained them for 30 or 60 or 90 minutes to inquire about the substantive issues fac­ ing them. He respected expert judgment

The Jewish Observer, Moy 1996 25 compassion and sense of justice. People tence for such relatively small thievery! It munication. Further, Beren made the long are accustomed to stories of his gen­ wasn't just, he felt. He also had a special take trek from Denver to the Colorado State pen­ erosity with his resources. He was also on the case. The criminal's mother had been itentiary to visit this Jewish prisoner... who generous with his spirit. one of those in his early days on the Feder­ had robbed him. A young Jewish Denverite grew up to be ation board who had vehemently opposed There were other strangers. Once it a petty con artist. He would phone unsus­ his advocacy of intensive Torah education. became known to Miriam Beren that peo­ pecting, leading members ofthe Jewish com­ The boy, denied that education, was him­ ple were holed up in a nearby motel, with- munity and convince them with a hard luck self a victim! story that he needed a small, short-term The typical casualty of a convicted loan-a few hundred dollars. After a few criminal might say, he got what he deserved. years, he was wanted in many states. Final­ But Beren personally intervened with • ly he was caught, tried, and sentenced to 24 lawyers and appealed to the judge to eren knew the years in the Colorado State Penitentiary. reduce his sentence. When that didn't Beren, though also a victim of the scam, work, Beren let the convict know that he Bpower and the was nevertheless outraged. Such a long sen- could call his home collect for solace or com- comfort of economy. TIUli&t m Economy of possessions, of words, of time. With a single GProgramming word or act, he could • C language Programming in a UNIX Environment launch an entire • UNIX Shell Programming • Oracle Database and the SQL Language project, obviate an • Visual Basic entire juggernaut, lay

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26 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 was active; in everything else, he respect­ screen showed that but once in gener­ ed the paid professional-even their ations there would be a Zevulun-like CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST wrong judgments. Within reason, he had Sheldon Beren. patience for error. He believed it unwise In the words of David I. Beren, his son: DR. BENZION for the continuity of an institution and Shefte/ Yekusiel ben Chaim Hillel was "the SOROTZKIN of its professional leadership to take into major historical figure in the lay leader­ NY. State Licensed account every mistake. ship of the Torah community of his era"; Similarly, as son-in-law Rabbi in the words of Rabbi , he was Adults and Children Yechezkel Feldberger pointed out, he the parnes hador, <'sustainer of the gen­ (718) 377-6408 preferred not to inquire too closely into eration''; in the words of Rabbi Moshe (718) 219-3867 each and every tzeddaka. He knew that Sherer, he "changed the map of Jewish not every single tzeddaka would be per­ America"; in the words of Rabbi Joshua fectly worthy, that to be "tricked" was an Fishman, he was like a King of Israel. occupational hazard, that it was better Indeed, in his achievements and to concentrate on the.J>road base of wor­ spirit, Sheldon K. Beren was magnifi­ thy, well-run causes than to be obsessed cently majestic, regally reserved, grand­ with the occasional bad apple. That ly generous, and profoundly modest. would be unproductive as well as an And now, is profoundly missed. • unrealistic reading of human nature.

VII. "KING OF ISRAEI?'

eren was an extremely private man. This, too, was part of his Bregal bearing. It was elegantly put in a Shloshim tribute by Rabbi Myer Schwab, which coincided with the Sidros that recount the construction of the Mishkan (Tabernacle): "People see the outside, but only G--

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''We Are No Longer One"

recent news article featured an breathing its last gasp. That won't hap­ attack by Simeon Maslin, the pen until Eliyahu haNavi arrives--as Apresident of the Central Confer­ • long as Reform keeps redefining ence of American Rabbis (Reform), on he Reform Judaism and Jewry to include dropouts. "institutional Orthodoxy;' as he referred Movement 1s not the Which brings us to why we are no longer to it. In an address to 600 Reform rab­ T one. It is not because the Reform bis, Maslin was quoted as saying: arsonist who lit the fires Movement has initiated the leading It is all very well to sloganize that astray of countless Jews. Jews have "we are one"... but in fact we have of assimilation. Rather, been going astray since the time of the ceased to be one and I strongly rec­ Golden Calf. What the Reform Move­ ognize that fact and proceed .... The once those flames were ment has done is to chase after these attitude of institutional Orthodoxy lit, the Reform Jews and attempt to make their devia­ toward the Conservative and Reform tions acceptable. To use a popular anal­ Movements today is as arrogant and Movement used the fire ogy, the Reform Movement is not the hostile ... [and J virulent as ever and it arsonist who lit the fires of assimilation. is getting worse. Whyl Because, for all as its power source. In Rather, once those flames were lit, the of their triumphalism, the Orthodox Reform Movement used the fire as its realize that American Judaism in the time, the fire may power source. In time, the fire may con­ 21st century will be defined by the sume the movement, but don't hold Reform and Conservative movements. consume the movement, your breath waiting. Maslin stated that "Orthodox dis- but don't hold your dain" was predicated not on Jewish law but on "politics, power and money:' He breath waiting. characterized the competition among Orthodox rabbis in a certain city to pro­ vide kosher supervision as "a scandalous • joke. The only thing they can agree on confronting its own spiritual bank­ is that Conservative kashrus supervision ruptcy. He says that we have ceased to is treif' His advice for the future was that be one. If that is so, it is because the "The time has finally arrive to stop Reform Movement has led countless deferring to an Orthodoxy that insults well-meaning Jews astray:' us at every opportunity:' Wrong on both counts. Reform isn't Orthodox reaction was somewhat off

target. One Orthodox spokesman char­ 1"'tl:l acterized Maslin's speech as "a last .. MAZEL-TOV"' gasp, a desperate cry of a movement Are you, or is someone you know; physically handicapped and looking for a shidduch? Levi Reisman is an accountant and lawyer wbo prac­ Our organization is strongly endorsed by Gedolim. tices in New York City. He is a frequent contribu­ foR FURTHER INFORMATION PLEASE CALL: tor to these pages. 718-437-0281 • 10 A.M. -10 P.M.

The Jewish Observer, May 1996 29 Why Maslin is Right ment said halacha no longer governed. In Deference to Orthodox Sensitivity? When Jews abandoned kashrus, milah, t the risk of sounding like a plu­ mezzuzos, and tefillin, the Reform Move­ ome final points. Maslin said that ralist, let me say that Maslin is ment said these were ritual matters of it is time to stop "deferring to an Aright about a number of things. no relevance to modern Judaism. When SOrthodoxy that insults us at every First of all, too much Orthodox rhetoric Jews became swept up in the social opportunity:' Just when has the Reform is hostile and shrill. (Not that these movements of the 19th and 20th cen­ Movement deferred to Orthodoxy? Orthodox are alone in that. I could eas­ tury, the Reform Movement embraced • Did it defer to Orthodoxy when ily compile several volumes of com­ "prophetic Judaism" and theologized it began to "ordain" women as "rabbis"? ments Reform and Conservative rabbis what was going on in the outside have made about the Orthodox that world. And finally, as the tide of assim­ • Did it defer to Orthodoxy when could win prizes for virulent hatred and ilation has mounted, the Reform Move­ it adopted outrageously lenient stan­ arrogance. Anyone with long enough ment has cast its net even further. It has dards for conversions? memory can recall the countless obit­ attracted the intermarried, first with • Did it defer to Orthodoxy when uaries the Torah community was fed easy conversions, then by adopting it demanded that the Synagogue Coun­ about itself.) patrilineal descent, and finally with full­ cil of America engage in theological dia­ Should we be triumphalists? Let us fledged outreach programs. Throughout logues with Christians even after the 0 U temper our confidence about the future this continual discount selling of and RCA, following the counsel of Rabbi of Torah Judaism in America with cau­ Judaism, the message was always the Joseph Ber Soloveitchik, vetoed them? tion and concern. Yiddishkeit requires same: No matter how far you deviate, constant vigilance, an element in which you are still Jewishly acceptable. This has • Did it defer to Orthodoxy when we are too often lacking. resulted in a Judaism far, far removed it pushed a gay rights agenda on the But Maslin is most correct when he from Torah miSinai. 1994 Salute to Israel parade, when says that we are no longer one people. Orthodox youth comprise the over­ For countless thousands of years, we The Fallout of Outreach whelming majority of marchers? were a people united by Torah. In the • Did it defer to Orthodox sensi­ past, when Jews abandoned Torah, they he Reform reaction to the bilities when it came out full force in were separated from the body of Israel. increase in intermarriage has favor of civil marriage for same-gender In modern times, this process has been Tcreated a large group of people couples? slowed down. But the tide of assimila­ who identify themselves as Jewish, but tion does not ebb, and as Jews lost their are not. If events take their normal The list could go on. insularity, intermarriage rates have course, this group could comprise a soared to over 50%. And most of the majority of those who identify them­ nother point: Two years ago, intermarried have left the Jewish people. selves as Reform Jews. (And if the Con­ Rabbi Moshe Sherer was asked to Historically, the Reform Movement servative Movement follows its practice A join a panel examining the ques­ has reacted to assimilation by embrac­ of the past of adopting Reform inno­ tion of Jewish continuity. He declined ing the assimilated. As Jews have left vations after a 10-20 year time span, the invitation, explaining that the Judaism, the Reform Movement has what can we expect of Conservative Jews Reform Movement, whose representa­ redefined Judaism to bring it closer to one generation hence?) Eventually, we tives would also be on the panel, had those who would have left. When Jews may reach the point where we can no changed the definition of Judaism to abandoned halacha, the Reform Move- longer assume that a person who iden­ such a degree that it would be impos­ tifies as a Jew is halachically Jewish. In sible to reach a consensus on how to the future, if a kiruv person asks a define continuity, let alone a consensus i~~~~~t-1i~~~~~;~~~~;~;; stranger "Are you Jewish?" a "yes" on how to achieve it. His "we are no ·•'k!l'>~:~~.Hm::ty·~ l~v.;,~: answer may well not be one with which longer one" differed little from Maslin's. the Rais Yosef or the R'ma would agree. However, it evoked a protest from lead­ ; g''. ·i~~t~'.~~~~~~~;~:~t,;,1,·',_ In fact, if the current trends continue, ers in the Reform Movement. The : '{Tl'\~~Ctet:l!'o~'?nii~~t:~Hl~L1f111 ,•'.'.·. there might be a time in the not-too-dis­ Reform congregational body's vice pres­ .,;,.;11•y9uc..hgrri~pr,)1r:t!)e-moN.O:t~ips · tant future when kiruv work will be ident, Daniel Syme, took to the New York 1 fraught with so many halachic problems Jewish Week to chastise Rabbi Sherer for ,,:{~~~'ltt1 ~1~~~~B~~r~~~~~l;·':'~0; arising from questionable Jewish iden­ focusing on what divides us rather than a P.re,;9~\df!~ ~~i:~~~:~;~f.1elj.inif!ti tity that it will simply cease . what should unite us. . ',, •!l!l !1f~(t+~Pif)f~tj9!'· .. ..··.·,•:·•·••• Ci!li$ljbleiftit'Ji,1Jl3~7{7~G ;: This is not something to rejoice I have yet to hear Reform Jewish lead­ $1l8in!l'l·151.6)239\lfQt!3 ::~ about, but the flow of events are mov­ ers chastise Rabbi Maslin for expressing :''::'·>:.·,. ' ·, ing in that direction. the same message. •

30 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 The Jewish Hospice, A PRogRam of The BRooklcvn Hospice: SeRuing the neeC>s of ouR Jewish Communitcv AccoRC>ing to Halacha

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OUR staff is sensitive to the neeOs of ouR Jewish communft;y anO encouRages the patient/famfl;y to consult with thefR Halachfk Posek: •We r:zespect the Halachic living will •We r:zespect the psNchosocial cultur:zal neebs OJ: the Or:zthobox Jewish population anb r:zespect the Halachic philosopbN of the inbivibual patient •We obser:zve str:zict bietar:l

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Tbe BRookcyn Hospice Is a paRficipating agenc;y o,: MetRopolftan Jerofsb Health S;ystem POST-PESACH MUSINGS Haviva R. Gershbein Pesach 5756 The Fifth Son Comes Home

eing baa lei teshuva, Pesach is one Yiddish (to put it mildly), I was obliv­ especially me. of the most difficult times for my ious to Zeide's command until my hus­ In spite of how awkward we all felt, Bhusband and myself. Aside from band turned to me and explained: I was determined to continue: "Sheb' - all the typical stresses and strains of "Zeide wants you to ask me the 'Four chol halaylot--anu ochlin ... :' More tears kasheringour home, we literally have no Questions."' and more pauses. I was fighting so hard family to go to. Baruch Hashem we have The Four Questions. Thoughts flashed just to get the words out! "Chametz many dear friends. One family whom back through my head of mock Sedorim umatza." And so it went and so I went we're particularly close with invited us filled with chametz, Charlton Heston, cyn­ on, stopping all the while to tearfully pull over for the second Seder. We grateful­ ical elders and indifferent youth. Pesach, myself together. ly accepted. where the more difficult and irrelevant "Why is this night different from all The Zeidewas, well, a Zeide: tall and parts of the Seder were junked in order other nights?" I cried, because even strong and mystical. His long grey to make way for a cartoon version of Eli­ before I asked the question, I already beard belied his age. He was so much jah the Prop he~ an invisible presence who knew the answer. I cried because for too older than himself. He was the Eternal didn't give out gifts easily. I had to steal many lonely years I was the Fifth Son, Zeide-eternally ready to answer; eter­ the afikoman for a toy. not even present at the Seder. I cried nally ready to be asked. "Nu, Shmuel, someone must ask ... because after a long and bitter exile, Kadesh, Urchatz, Karpas, Yachatz, and someone must answer:' Complete thank G-d I came Home. I cried because Maggid. And so came the moment, silence filled the room. They were all I searched my whole life and I had a life­ From the youngest to the oldest, one by waiting for me. I looked down at my time full of questions. I cried because one, all the children stood before Zeide Haggadah. There the questions, the finally I could ask them, knowing I'd get and asked the "Ma Nishtana." answers, were all waiting for me. real answers. But Zeide wasn't satisfied. He beck­ oned to my husband and, in Yiddish, took a deep breath. Slowly and ten­ ext Pesach, invite over a Jew who insisted: "Someone has to ask, and tatively, painfully and plaintively, I hasn't yet come Home, and someone must answer. Nu, Shmuel, I started asking, "Ma nishtana halay­ N show him the beauty of our have your wife ask:' Not being fluent in la hazeh-" Tears trembled out of me. precious Torah. "Mikol halaylot?" I stopped to catch my And please, G-d, don't ever let me Dedicated with hakoras hatovto the Diamond breath. Shocked and surprised, every­ stop crying until all of your children family. one was caught off guard, but most come Home. •

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All Haolam Cheese products are made in the U.S.A under the strict rabbinical supervision or: The llUflburte of 1nu1 Adath .lahM:,..n Cbotov Yisroel WUlll--·- lkiallls, l'fY

32 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 Menachem Kaimen

he search for leavened bread expectations. On Sunday my kids and plish things with my children. Perhaps doesn't hold a candle to the I put in over five hours. My son a visit to an old-age home. I wish there Tsearch for the perfect Chol returned after a lunch break and said to were a central clearinghouse for projects Hamoed trip. It seems as if my children me:"lt's Chol Hamoed. How could I just that families could get involved in. have been planning and plotting, dream­ sit home if I have a chance to do a mitz­ Maybe that will be the next project. • ing and demanding since as far back as va like this?" On Monday, he was upset I can remember. The one rallying cry that when he realized that the Gemora sec­ strikes fear into otherwise rational adults tion had been completed in his absence. has got to be: "Well, what are we doing I asked him why, and he replied because this Chol Hamoed?"We've been there and they get the most use, so he had want­ done that, and with children, varying in ed the zechus of doing it. We spent ··N-6.J>~~lefil:is~•l'!~li~'· age, I was hard-pressed to come up with another five hours on Monday. Tuesday No Problem is.TOl> Small.. ; <,< ,-:,>,'' ,'/:,_,,",'/", ,,_"::_-, ":":"-': a plan to satisfy them all. night in sh ul, as people came over to 'O '-'1_S:th~iy,-some:-:r~i;rlb1_e,: ,th_in,g -l}app~hig :;iri After much thought and research, I thank my children and me, my son yo~r: _,fam,ily,-,,,,~~at_ :_;:Yotl :;-~~" ,af~_i4_,--:,or called a family council and explained our turned to me and said with pride in his :~ha,fll_eylro}e)t"a~~-?~~T,, ___ -,,,_,_ ;- '::--:"'"": O :Are,»',~~,~:_teenage- ~-:yc;uni,~nlt:h~Xini Chol Hamoed project: We live out of voice, "You know, Ta, besides everything problems ''thn_t/art: 'too-"tliffic1:dt ;f6r->yoµ New York and stay at my in-laws' the else, it looks nice:' tri :haridl~?? whole Pesach. In the shul where my o A~,-Yo_ii,, -~- -s1ng_1~-:o~;-in_~etfati~;~~~~~ father-in-law davens, there are over 12 esach is over, but this Chol encjngfiiCis?'i' -~sonal'_:-o(,-i~ter~~sonat,-,,, , -"- "'" ",,,,,, __-~~-:, bookcases of seforim. I've purchased col­ Hamoed will live on for my chil­ CJ, ~~''jtou'-C~nfro~-~{i'_-,wiih" a:"~itotltt~_fi:;~i :,, ored tape, colored dots and plastic cov­ Pdren for a long time. My project :__ retjuite_~:r-o~- ~~flrid'.:~n_,~bj_~ti~~;'~is~?-~:r?_,, ers. We will color-code all the seforim in cost about $130 for supplies, besides the Soine of the ibriih 9~1111J1rihity~ (fig}jly the shul according to category, so peo­ time. But what one person said sticks in sldUed theriJJ>ifts are dlriJllabk I•. tiflk it1 ple will know where to put them after my mind. She was jealous of me. Her you,,t1rt (Jte JiliO~" :'Jt}ith,JotaJ ll'JOJ!-~ii).- each use. (Blue for Chumash commen­ Chol Hamoed also cost her $130. Two taries, green for Gemoras, etc.) days of trips and rides, and her kids still Monday· Friday (Day) 8:00AM • 12:00 Noon After a brief moment of silence, my were not satisfied. Monday· Friday (Eve.) 8:00PM. H:OOl'M ten-year old inquired rather incredu­ I now look forward to future Chol Sunday 9:00AM • 12:00 Noon 9:001'M. H:fXll'M lously, ""ls that supposed to be fun?" Hamoeds as an opportunity to accom- "Well;' I answered, "the goal is to ~.ia1(7~~JBEli~~N~~i~s.z49) enhance the usage of the seforim by Ii! C!iiciil'!'• ~llll l-llOJl,ltlilrl~'llit3 ·.•··· making it easier to find and put back:' Ra~bl Ar~h Sc:~echteri In N~w J~1:Sey,:!'.!llll l·!l68·lll>3-.llllll I then proceeded to give them a gentle This 'tnomh1S"serVi®_~f t~~-;he!p-1!ne hat'-~11-lfu-~idt;iid' ,,, """ ','" < ""»,,_',»'-"'»: "; sermon about the benefits that will result SQJ,.f.R S'7A:M···· • .·• hi Memo')' ot from their work. And besides, I con­ •.. ··• PJ>sia Ii;\~ l'aak°cv J,1 2,000 stickers! M"~-~-11? ''-:~_,,_:-<:,,,-,, Well, the results exceeded my wildest ·;r·v~'ffi-·:1$3.''l#~"'i .tr'?wn Ti'P •:! ')\:l!lj Mr. Kai.men lives in a New Jersey suburb in the New p~.tl~~-db~,····· :c ;/· York metropolitan area. Mr.&'MtsillilJnll~lW!lh.\ltm

The Jewish Observer, May 1996 33 Posr-PESACH MUSINGS Eliyahu Mayer What Counts During Sefira?

This is going to be one of those typical­ his transgressions passed over [in Heav­ ly New York articles, which make out-of­ en].)-Yuma 23a town readers chortle from satisfaction with • Of course, I did forgive him. But did their choice of residence. strange car was I have the authority to forgive his role But before they smugly turn the page, Ablocking my in causing public bittul Torah? Could I perhaps they should pause to see whether forgive him on behalf of all of the peo­ the message here might still apply, even if driveway! My mind ple kept waiting at the shiur? the metaphor does not. The Ram barn writes: "For aveiros that hroughout the year, and especially raced. If I walk to the are bein adam lechaveiro, ... a person is during the days of Sefira, we are shiur, I will arrive very never forgiven until he ... appeases [the Tfaced with the challenge of victim] .... Even if he returns the money improving our middos (character). late. If I call a car he owes, he must still appease him and While we must always be attuned to the ask that he forgive him:' (Hilchos Teshu­ bein adam lechaveiro (interpersonal) service, I'll be even va Chap. 2:9) dimension of our lives, Sefira is sup­ posed to be a time when we pay extra later. But if I can find *** attention to this often neglected aspect few months ago I was invited to of Yiddishkeit. the car's owner quickly, an out-of-town simcha. Since I Since it was during this time of the I can still make it. A wanted very much to attend but year that all 24,000 of Rabbi Akiva's did not want to drive, I arranged to get talmidim died because of their insuffi­ a ride with a friend across town . cient attention to bein adam lechaveiro, I arrived at my friend's house twen­ we have adopted the custom of learn­ Gulping down the• rest of my supper, ty minutes late because someone else ing Pirkei Avos as an aid to our tikkun I quickly reviewed in my mind what I had blocked my driveway. When the dri­ hamidos during Sefira. would cover at the shiur. Then I rushed ver had finally appeared, she excused Recently an incident took place that out to my carto get to the shul on time. herself with, "I really was only planning reminded me just how much room there Pulling out of my driveway, I on staying for five minutes .... But I lost is for us to improve. This incident may stopped short. A strange car was block­ track of the time." also shed light on why we need so much ing my driveway! My mind raced. If I I forgave her for delaying me. But improvement in the first place. walk to the shiur, I will arrive very late. could I forgive her for delaying my If I call a car service, I'll be even later. friend and his earful of frustrated pas­ *** But if I can find the car's owner quick­ sengers? Of course, I had called my hortly before I left home for one ly, I can still make it. friend as soon as I noticed the car block­ of my weekly shiurim, I received an My initial hunch paid off a few anx­ ing my driveway and told him to leave Surgent call from one of the mem­ ious minutes later when I finally found without me. Nevertheless, he insisted on bers of the shiur. The regular maggid the driver davening Mincha in the shul waiting. shiur would not be able to make it. across the street from my home. Could I take over for him? "I'm blocking your driveway? I'm *** I was deeply flattered by the thought, sorry. I'll move my car right away;' he neighbor of mine once found but there was just no way I could give blurted out. Then, extending his hand, himself in a similar predica­ a shiur on such short notice. he asked softly, "You will forgive me, Ament, only he was much less for­ Whatever I could learn with the won't you?" giving than I had been. Under the cir­ group would be fine, I was told. Other­ cumstances, however, I cannot blame wise, many of the men might not learn *** him. any Torah that night. I didn't want to be f we want compassion from Heav­ He was rushing out of his house with mevatel the entire shiur, did I? Certain­ en, we must extend it ourselves. As a bleeding child to bring him to the ly not. So I agreed. I Chazal put it, "Kol hama'avir al emergency room of the local hospital. Eliyahu Mayer is a New York-based writer. He last midosav, ma'avirin lo al kol p'sha'av." Unfortunately, the driver of the car appeared in these pages with, "Whose Homework (Whoever passes over injustices [com­ blocking his driveway did not show up Is It, Anyway?'; in the April '93 issue. mitted against] him will [merit] having right away.

34 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 How to get 20,000 people • to learn Torah in the f course, I forgave merit of a loved one. O him. But did I Dedicate one day's lesson in the new Hebrew version of Chafetz Chaim: A lesson A Day, and you will set in motion a z'chus for your family member that will grow have the authority to forever. Because each and every year thousands of Jews who learn from this text for Shmiras Haloshon Yomi will be learning in their z'chus. forgive his role in A dedication is an ideal way for siblings to share in a tribute to their parent. For only $360, you can create this priceless gift as a zecher nishmas, refuah shlairna or causing bittul Torah? z'chus for a parent or friend. Call now to reserve your day. Reservations are on a first come - first served basis. Could I forgive him on (718) 871-6700 or i 1-800-867-2482 behalf of all of the lHE CHOFETZ CHAIM HERITA<.E FOUNDAl ION people kept waiting at the shiur?

My neighbor called• Hatzoloh, and his SPECIAL OFFER! child made it to the hospital in record time. Baruch Hashem, the child is now Subscribe or give fully healed. But what if another emergency call a gift and $ave! came in and no other Hatzoloh mem­ ber were available? Or what if he were WHY NOT GIVE OR GET A PRESENT available, but it took him longer to THAT WILL LAST AN ENTIRE YEAR? arrive? Could my neighbor have par­ doned the illegal parker on behalf of the Subscribe, renew. or give a gift at these special victim who was not treated in time? prices and The Jewish Observer- filled with the views of leading Torah thinkers on current issues­ *** wil1 be delivered each n1onth, directly to your door. ertainly, we are and must always The longer you subscribe for, the larger your savings. be a people who are slow to anger And if you choose the money-saving, 3-year deal, we'll Cand quick to forgive. But we can­ throw in a bonus issue abso1utely FREE! not accept apologies for damage caused Of course, this offer is unconditionally guaranteed; to others. 1 can forgive a debt owed to you may cancel at any time and receive a refund for me but I cannot forgive money that is all undelivered copies. due you. But you must hurry. 'fhis special bonus offer When people block driveways, or expires June 30, 1996, so send in your order nou·. double park, trapping other cars on the -- . street "only for a minute;' they seem to J.O. SlJBSCRIP'l'ION SA\/INGS CERTIFlCATE be relying on their neighbor's mechila, U YES, I want to take advantage of this special bonus offer! Enter niy order as foUows: even taking it for granted. But they can­ 0 NEW SUBSCRIPTION Cl HENEWAL 0 Gf1'T Nam"------not expect their neighbors to be mochel p(,r,u 0#-e. '9-u:.e (4¥af \-~ •01:r:;1111-; / o:-.u· fM Addr .. s~------on behalf of all those inconvenienced by a .1 year.<; Cover Price $105 Yo11r cost $59 $95 their thoughtlessness. Q 2 yf'ar.~ CovPr Pri<~r $70 Your cost $43 $67 If we would stop, only briefly, to con­ SialP ___ Zif'----- a 1 year Cover Prier S.15 Your cost $23 $.15 sider how many people might be put out QS,.nd gifl card from: ______

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The Jewish Observer, May 7996 35 Posr-PJJSACH MusrNGs Bracha Druss Goetz ''• • Some Withand · ,,,·'' ,,,,,., Sweeping The Eloquence Changes In tlie liitclien of Selfless Dedication .Moves a woman witli a broom. Is it mindless worli, In her report on the Chevra Kaddisha's Men of True Righteousness. The black Sweeping up a room? selfless dedication and consummate respect hats customarily bedeck themselves for the dead in their gathering of human with grandiose titles, but this time the Slie sweeps tfie dirt remains for buria~ after fatal terrorist description fits. Who but a man of true Into a pile. attacks in Israel ("Our Message, Our righteousness would rush to the scene Vision, Our Hope"-April '96 ), Mrs. Sarah of a bombing and meticulously collect Slie doesn't stop Cohen pointed out how this exemplary vol­ every scrap of flesh, bone and blood for unteerism successfully conveys a positive proper interment? •To tliinli a wfiile. image of Torah life to secular Israelis. In the past I have condemned the '.But as sfie gatliers tfie dirt, The impact of this message was pithily black hats for trying to shut down conveyed by some remarks by Ze' ev Chafets, archaeological digs they suspected of Scattered on tlie ground, in an editorial column entitled "Wartime" being on ancient Jewish burial sites. I Slie gatliers lier tfiougfits, in The Jerusalem Report (April 4,'96), attributed this solely to their hatred of which he edits. Mr. Chafets is well-known science and modernity. But the beard­ Some quite profound. for his cynical barbs against Chareidi Jews. ed guys with the rubber gloves and the Lilie: 'We don't linow This time the thrust of his words is in a total­ step-ladders have convinced me that the ly different direction. We quote: proper treatment of Jewish remains is, Jfow mucli dirt we've got While I'm handing out battlefield for them, a heartfelt concern, one that decorations, one goes to the ultra­ arouses, if not acquiescence, then at least Until we worli at putting it Orthodox Anshei Hesed Shel Emet-the respect. • In one spot. 'Wlien its liiding places J{ave been disclosed, LS NO. 1 IN ISRAEL 15 APR 96 Only tfien Can it be disposed. f~/lM.ll?/1 Ylnd as slie empties ·Tlie dustpan out, Slie sees 'Wliat tfie process of tesliuva is about. USA&CANADA 'Ul/iat no one else can gatlier, Toll Free: (1) 800·938·5000 Or even guess, IN NY: 212·629·6090 ls wliat slie's discovered (-CE-lLU-lAR PHONEAVAILABL!j 'Wliile slie cleaned tfiat mess.

KX ' GMC SAFARI 700 Mrs. Goetz, a published poet, lives in Baltimore. A http://www.eldan.co.il/ number of her poems appeared in JO, most recent­ • POWER STEERING & ELECTRIC WINDOWS ly, "Blessings Unfold" (Dec. '95).

·----·-··-·-·---- 36 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 Naomi E. Grunfeld - Bas Melech A Great Lady, Past and Present

ne of the factors that determines Several months before her stroke, my .·.· . greatness is how a person acts mother was asked to write an article on ·:...... './;'·< .. <:>>.'.:·'~· Oin adversity. A beautiful article Emuna for Jewish Action. She, in her ··lfseerl)~ th~ttl:i~'~~;J<~~si!·•· Judith Grunfeld ''11l1V, in the March '96 was a subject for Rabbonim and that she .·• tions, n~Just personal g~.i~er;~l"'e: · issue of The Jewish Observer, by Rabbi did not know much about it. After being slumbering ii;> 11s aJ"I~ !t'llYf~mllin Moshe Eisenmann. pressed, she succumbed and wrote the unrecognized a119.: ~nknowl"! .uhtjf • Inadvertently, an error was made in article, which now appears in the book they·,~re.t()uched~ tf1,e.kiss •• of~9 .. ·· the printing of her name and we, the The Jewish Action Reader, published this eve~t. or•·an· .. ·e'ncciunt~rw.th ••fa:e··· family, were assured by the editor of The year by the Orthodox Union. It is per­ Words•· trom ··~. pure sciutee !flaY. Jewish Observer in his letter of apology, haps ironical that this emuna which my serve ~a magic lu1116~k th()•~ that such an error is viewed by Ghazal mother professed to know so little ·se11sations; ln~iltgeJ"letlc ~isj:fOSl~(j~ as a siman beracha and a segula for the about has stood her in great stead since may als(j>toi;ittlbut~, ~· ~:glft(jf person concerned. As we know, it is the day of her stroke (December ], grace:Wemay":ot.~e.. tf"Jebeglnifer.s incumbent upon us as Orthodox Jews to 1992), two months after publication of .• ofer1imia in 011r, heal'1:$'7it mllY ~ay~ · learn lessons from our experiences in this the article. been p~s~e in her illness; long may aitJl<'. J~dnliiJ~: ly written about my mother's achieve­ she be zocheh to express it first hand. If, ments in Rabbi Eisenmann's article, "A as a daughter, I admired my mother Bas Melech in the Public Arena." before for her untiring and selfless work validity even than did the former elo­ for Bais Yaakov and for the evacuated quence she invested them with. hree years ago, some two years school of homeless children in Shefford So, although I feel for her very before the ArtScroll publication of that Rabbi Eisenmann wrote about, I much in her infirmity, I also admire and Tthe book Rebbetzin Grunfeld, by admire her even more now, in the spir­ almost envy her this gigantic achieve­ Miriam Dansky, my mother took ill with itual fortitude of her illness, for she has ment in the realm of emuna about a stroke, which unfortunately left her taught me a lesson I shall never forget: which she so touchingly wrote. It is a unable to communicate freely. Before her In her youth and her maturer years, continuation of the Bais Yaakov work illness, my mother had given weekly shi­ eloquence was my mother's hallmark, as that she undertook, albeit reluctantly for urim over many years and had frequently the thousands whom she taught know the same reasons of humility, and car­ referred to the great neis (miracle) that so well. Now, in the enforced silence of ried out so ably, with such dedication. enables man to think a thought and her limited speech, acceptance and My words as a daughter in praise of express it a few seconds later. This was faith tinged with courage and hope are her mother are not exaggerated, as a constant source of wonder to her, a vital the expressions of her inner strength. those who have visited my mother in part of"Ma rabbu ma'asecha Hashem;' Shiurim are not just for Shabbos after­ her illness are aware. May;i··::i;m grant which she never took for granted, and noon or a moment of inspiration. her a speedy refu'ah sheleima, and may she mentioned often. They are to be carried forward into daily the recent error inadvertently pub­ living. This my mother does, and in so lished in your paper truly be a segula Naomi Grunfeld lives in London. doing, gives her past shiurim greater for her. JON •

The Jewish Observer; May 1996 37 Rabbi Labish Becker B s IN REV

Worldmask, by RabbiAkiva Tatz (Feld­ Hashem has created for us, is often we view spirituality is reconstructed. heim Publishers, Nanuet, N .Y., 1995, shrouded in the mystery of cause and "But the spiritual secret is quite the $16.95) effect as well. Does tefilla alleviate sick­ opposite. Certain foods are forbidden; ness or does the sickness happen so that the reason is entirely spiritual, whether n the temporal world we live in, I should daven? we grasp some of that spiritual depth cause and effect are often difficult to Worldmask, by Rabbi Akiva Tatz of or not. The primary element is the I ascertain. Was a war won because of Yeshiva Ohr Somayach in Yerushalayim, spiritual, the transcendent. In fact, it overwhelming superiority of arms or as its name implies, takes us behind the could be that the physical attributes of because of greater industrial powers? scenes to demonstrate how the world the forbidden food are as they are Perhaps it was due to a more motivat­ actually operates. It is a brilliant and pro­ because the spiritual essence is impure: ed military. These are issues debated found journey to the very core of our the shellfish inhabits its contaminat­ endlessly by historians. existence. It destroys the "modern" way ed habitat and may be physically Our perception of the world, which of seeing the world and with sensitivi­ unhealthy because it is unkosherf' ty recreates what is really happening in Worldmask teaches us that the secrets Rabbi Becker is Director of Torah Projects of Agu­ dath Israel of America. the world around us. Even the very way of reality can be viewed with clarity through one prism only, that of Torah, and takes us on a voyage of discovery through the words of Chazal to learn that Torah does not teach us to under­ stand reality, but is reality itself. icllilj}n )i:Ui>IO) "The Torah is the genetic material of the world. The words of Torah are QUALITY SERVICES Hashem's words; but Hashem's word was not simply spoken by Him at the SINCE 1966 time of the Creation (and then record­ FOR ed in the Torah later) while He creat­ THE FINEST ed the world by some unrelated means; His word was the means, the IN mechanism of Creation. Each word PHOTOGRAPHY spoken by Hashem in creating the AND VIDEO world crystallized into the object it described; this is the secret of the two

usAIISRAEL meanings of the word "davar"-an "object': and a "word"; an object in the world is Hashem's word concretized:' This more sophisticated perception

38 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 BOOKS FOR YOUTH IN REVIEW Lisa Herman

of life as taught in Worldmask sheds a Towards a Happier You-A teenage priate in today's world where family har­ new spiritual spotlight on issues dealt girl's recipe for self esteem and a better mony and self-esteem are being chal­ with in chapters about predestination life, by Roiza Weinreich (ArtScroll Meso­ lenged. and freewill, intimacy and morality, suf­ rah Publications, Brooklyn, NY, 1995, Mrs. Urbach sensitive and expressive fering and joy, etc. The reader will feel $17.99 he, $14.99 pb) dialogue offers insight and reassurance the thrill of understanding when a to anyone - particularly the young ado­ familiar Chazal takes a fresh and far Mrs. Weinreich has done it again! lescent struggling to find identity and deeper meaning, unfettered by the This time she offers her insights and control in his or her world. The issues constraints of a familiar, more materi­ experiences culled from running work­ of friendship and interconnectiveness al context. The world begins to look very shops-and learned from the Torah­ are highlighted. Each story ends on a different, and we assume a very differ­ to help teenage girls realize their poten­ positive, hopeful note with a clear mes­ ent perspective on the entire panoram­ tial. Through the combination of sage for all. ic sweep of Jewish history. introspection and directed writing exer­ cises called "quick quizzes;' the reader here is one important, but emi­ can practice the ideas in this book. The House on Kyverdale Road, by nently correctable problem with The chapters address such themes as: Chaiky Halpern (Feldheim Publishers, TWorldmask. A scholarly work of happiness on ordinary days, how to gen­ Nanuet, NY, 1995, $9.95) this nature should be sourced and tly push your limits, why is everything footnoted. For example, in Chapter so difficult?, friendships: the courage to Ms. Halpern has crafted a most Three, entitled "Behind the Mask," reach out, peer pressure, and spiritual engaging novel, which brings history there is a brilliant exposition of a treasures. Mrs. Weinreich also shares and Hashgacha Prattis into focus, in the Midrash that details the difference in the personal anecdotes and actual respons­ format of popular fiction. Add the ele­ prophetic levels of David Hamelech, es to the issues from other girls; this ments of suspense, family drama and the Yehoshafat, and Chizkiyahu. How I serves to strengthen the lessons offered. search for identity; and, voila: the per­ wanted to look up that Midrash in the Finally, reinforcements at the end of the fect read! original! But the introduction merely chapters concretely focus the reader on Judy has come to London from the said "there is a midrash." Entire concepts "Two-minute tips" and "Now I know!" countryside with a friend, to do a school are elucidated without any attribution Reading through this volume is like project. They are staying in her Great of sources. It is my hope that the next having a personal trainer, coaching Uncle Martin's vacant house. Sudden­ edition will correct this problem. one onward to become more positive ly, Judy finds herself distanced from her This is a book that is difficult but and self-accepting. It is inspiring and childhood friend, as she is plummeted extremely rewarding for those who ven­ heart-warming, never patronizing. This into a new world: her dreams seem to ture through. The person who finishes book is a valuable tool, both for a take on a life of their own. She meets the will be different than the one who teenager and the person living or work­ original inhabitants of this house and began. Rabbi Mordechai Miller of ing with her. then begins to unravel a series of events Gateshead in his letter of approbation which apparently happened at the turn says: "This is another masterpiece The Very Best Me, by CD. Urbach of the century in Russia. Judy is not sure which deserves wholehearted recom­ (Tamar Books, Brooklyn, NY, 1993, if these sights are the products of an mendation to every serious student of $14.99 he, $11.99 pb) overworked imagination ... or if some­ Torah thought." thing too spooky to contemplate is tran­ Read this book. It's worth the effort. This is a heart-warming collection of spiring. She has a million unanswered And if you don't understand all of eight short stories for the teen reader. it ... read it again. • Each portrayal draws from down-to­ earth situations, such as: a twin who has as yet to find her own place, a shy girl who needs to come out of her shell, a .. BtGYE:, PUBLICATION Have enough tzorus boy whose mother is very ill and is sent »Pll~ HEAOAC~? without having to get to stay in a Children's Home, and a bel­ cow:&r>RINrm ·. I.' , p/ your catalog, newsle!ter, . .c.\·~h -·9@~ . Productions: {l!tl!)l!67-94l./l (718) 258-7072 their discussion is timely and appro- Experienced, Reasonable, & References Mn;.Hennan, who teaches English in a Brooklyn Bais Yaakov, reviews books for The Jewish Observer.

The Jewish Observer, May 1996 39 Rabbi Shimon Finkelman questions, and Malka, the girl next door, woman, Mazal, is left seems to hold the key to some of them. widowed, with sole This is a story of the Jewish people responsibility for s as much as it is a discovery of a girl's three young children roots. It is satisfying in its development, and her husband's and the changes in structure from the jewelry shop. She is present to the past and back again are determined to a refreshing alternative to the usual read­ uphold the family ing material available to the Orthodox tradition and refuses public. The reader gets immersed in the to move out of the Jewish Quarter where lives of the characters, along with the she continues to run her husband)s protagonist. Furthermore, the histori­ workshop. Set against the panoramic cal authenticity of the story only adds history of our Holy City, this story to its charm and the reader's enchant­ moves through the Turkish occupation, We Want Life! A pictorial guide to the ment. the British Mandate, the later Arab laws of Loshon Hora and Rechilus onslaughts and into the armistice agree­ according to the Chafetz Chaim, by Yis­ ment with Jordan. Maza] watches five roel Greenwald, illustrated by Getze~ The Pomegranate Pendant, a historical generations of her family blossom and (Feldheim, Nanuet NY 1996, $22.95 h.c., novel, by Dvora Waysman edited by bloom - although not all of them mar­ $19.95 p.b.) Marsi Tabak (Feldheim Publishers, ried Yemenites. Nanuet, NY, 1995, $16.95) Dvora Waysman has articulated her hen we hope and pray that love for Jerusalem, as well as exposing this dark golus will soon give The reader is invited to enter the the reader to many time-honored W way to the light of Redemp­ world of a young couple who journeyed Yemenite customs, including the Chi­ tion, it is crucial that Jews of all ages be from Yemen to Jerusalem with 250 oth­ nah-wedding ceremony. This is a well versed in those laws whose obser­ ers in 1882. This work of fiction reads poignantly woven literary tapestry of vance fosters ahavas Yisroel and eradi­ as a family chronicle. The young sentient and history. • cates sinas chinam, senseless hatred, which was the primary cause of the Sec­ ond Temple's destruction (see Yoma 9b). ENTERING OUR TWELFTH SUCCESSFUL YEAR . . The Chofetz Chaim wrote that educat­ ing children with regard to shemiras The Deal Yeshiva is proud to announce haloshon is the key to proper adherence to these laws: "In truth, when one ponders the matter well, he will discover that the cause for the committing of the grave sin of loshon hora is that people are •Intensive and comprehensive shuirim in rrv and~ given by experienced and devoted Rabbanim accustomed from their youth to speak •State-of-the-art computer room whatever they please without any •Modern supervised dormitory sort of reproof; it does not even enter •Multi-acre campus at the exclusive, suburban Jersey shore •Located approximately one hour from Brooklyn, New York their minds that they are doing some­ • 20 minutes from Lakewood, New Jersey thing sinful. Therefore, when they are • Motivated and qualified Sephardic and Ashkenazic later made aware that this is, in fact, students may apply forbidden, they find it exceedingly dif­ ficult to avoid that to which they are For applications already accustomed. and additional information_ please "Such would not be the case were call Rabbi Hil!el a father to admonish his children in Mandel or Rabbi Mordei::hai Dabbah Rabbi Shimon Finkelman, a rebbe in Yeshiva 1515 Logan Road, Ocean, New Jersey 07712 • 908-66J- l 7 l7 Darchei Torah, Far Rockaway, N.Y., is a frequent con­ tributor to these pages including "It's Time To Face The Music", in Feb. '95. He is the author of several biographies published by ArtScroll Mesorah Pub­ lications, as well as the recent book, Chofetz Chaim, A Lesson a Day, in collaboration with Rabbi Yitz­ chok Berkowitz.

40 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 their youth and train them not to teaches that the dividends from doing This book contains more than two speak loshon hora" (Sefer Chafetz a mitzva are often clearly perceived in hundred pages, and the total number of Chaim, footnote to 9:5). this world.) In addition, the book illustrations number in the many hun­ It is therefore, with great joy and opens with an illustrated introduction dreds. It is certainly to the credit of its anticipation that all should welcome the explaining the meaning of the famous producers that but a few illustrations publication of We Want Life!, a remark­ verse in Tehillim in which David Ham­ required a sticker cautioning the young able work for young readers on the laws elech states that shemiras haloshon is the reader to check with his mentors before of shemiras haloshon. In this benchmark key to a good life. embarking on a course of action simi­ production, this vital body of halacha is Perhaps the prohibition of shemiras lar to the one depicted. One would hope taught through the medium of clear, very haloshon most difficult to observe is that that parents and teachers would rein­ readable text accompanied by illustrat­ which forbids accepting loshon hora as force these warnings by pointing out the ed examples of virtually every law. truth. (This is actually Scriptually pro­ proper way for a hen Torah or bas Yis­ hibited; see Shemos 23, 1 with Rashi.) roel to react in such situations. For Young and Old Chapter four, in which this prohibition Other fine features of this book are is discussed, illustrates how the key to the "Checklists" and "Lashon Hora hile this book seems to be its observance hinges on another Scrip­ Quizzes;' which provide easy review for geared for readers of (approx­ tural mitzva-judging one's fellow the reader, as well as for the teacher who W imately) grades four through favorably (danl'chaf zechus: see Vayikra wishes to incorporate this book into his eight, reading it is a thoroughly enjoy­ 19,15 with Rashi). A page is devoted to or her curriculum. able experience for young and old practical examples of how an apparent The book concludes with an illus­ alike. The text is simple enough to be misdeed can, in fact, be an innocent act. tration that also appears on the cover­ understood by children and mature Another important mitzva which is clar­ a scene depicting true ahava and achdus. enough to be appreciated by adults. The ified well is the prohibition of "Lifnei No doubt, the publication of We Want same is certainly true of the illustrations, Iver" ( Vayikra 19,14), which prohibits a Life! will bring us closer to the time in which the author and artist have fused Jew from offering misleading informa­ when that scene will become a reality their talents to produce examples which tion (seep.194). throughout the Jewish world. • are on the mark, true to life and very entertaining. Moreover, important lessons aside from those relating to loshon hara are cleverly conveyed through illustration. For example: An illustration under the heading"One Who Sins Against His Fellow Man" (p. 114) depicts, not a thief or bully, but a boy walking merrily on his way as he carelessly steps into wet cement while allowing his "boom box" to irritate his neighbors--crucial lessons in an age when such behavior is con­ sidered the norm in the secular world (at least regarding the latter infraction). Another example: Revealing a secret falls under the prohibition against for­ bidden speech.A caption (p.151) beau­ tifully explains the positive benefits one gains from being known as a person whom people can trust with a secret.

Extras

he author cleverly interrupts the teaching of the halachos with Tshort diversions that convey important messages. (See, for example, the beautiful story on page 41, which

The Jewish Observer, Moy 1996 41 :e ;:; ·······.·.·.·.· :: .:~?::\~~~:n s'.ii«&;i;.·•··.··· .. :•.. •••••;··;·; sK•);) ;0,... ;rra~.il; i11)'rY t :iS' Sl51r~~~i;!·····.·· .•.• ;/••.··.•:· 1 z.i;:~;•.;•: /:.r~.;;·;:: .•... :~a~~,·;~.~~·llJhYJts·. pr~~Ts~§~;··.;.···•. ·•·•.·: ... •.....••... ;S,<:>.1=> •... •.... ···.· •.. ·.·• it~l1r~;~~~~~k'6r :1~~~1ia~i~p~1.~~n~grt··lf'qt ft1.~)':~~p1e ~~.r;:pluiubthe:<\~pt~ () f~~l.1pi ~~l~l"!l.0:~1111~11. P,?~t~~~~i~TalltJ~?it and Halacni'i !'.JEil1iu~; bp!;o~· 0)1~· ta~.failto•.•?El•l'Ylqved !;>~·his kin<\~e;;~~~?resqe~~:~qr.e~71)7()n~;frol"!l··~ ;;:pite his()l."nun~peak~l:>le sufferingin.slavelorta!llps? .. · .·:••• .... . ;.·..•...•. ·· .... · .. This volume includes inspiring ?iographies of: Klausenberger f?~qpe; ~·. ShloJ1'lO Zalman Auerbach; R' Shimon Schwab, R' Yehoshua Silbermintz, R' Shmuel p,vraham Myski, The "N()da B'Yehuda", R' Yehuda Aszod, Heroes of the Warsaw Ghetto, R' Gedalya Dessler, R' Moshe Rosen stain, R' Mordechai .Schwab, The. Chafetz Chaim1 R' Meir Shapiro, R' Boruch Ber Leibowitz, R' Chaim Ozer Grodzensky, R' ElchononWasserman, R' Elimelec:h Gavriel Tress, Rev. Isaac Leeser, Rev. Dr. Arnold Fischel, R' Binyomin Steinberg.

Published by Mesorah publications Ltd. in conjunction with Agudath Israel of America Available at your local Hebrew bookstore or can 1-800-MESORAH I In NYS: (718) 921-9000 I FAX: (718) 680-1875 APPRECIATION FOR "MY FATHER'S KITTEL"

To the Editor: It was about one hour before Yam Tov, and I reveled in the fact that there was a calm aura gracing my home--an aura for which I was very grateful. "Everything" was ready. Or so I thought. Yes, all the physical preparations were complete. But I did not feel ready. The gashmiuswas on CORRECTION ON AUTHOR'S PLACE ON and uniqueness of the Rosh Hayeshi­ the table, but I needed chizuk to help my THE IDEOLOGICAL SPECTRUM va ~"Yi as perceived by one person. No husband serve the ruchnius. more. Hashem heard my silent tefillos via To the Editor: If confronted by a halacha issue dis­ The Jewish Observer. My eye caught the Thank you for your balanced and cussed in the article, the reader is list of articles, and I was drawn to read interesting review of my book, "Mem­ advised to ask a Rav. "My Father's KitteI" by Rabbi Schwab. oirs of a Jewish Extremist" (The Jewish RABBI CHAIM GANZWEIG As I read the article, I felt the cloak of Observer, March '96). Erev Pesach fatigue being replaced by the I'd like to make one correction, though: I haven't moved from the political right to the left, but to the cen­ ter. Exchanging a one-dimensional view of the world for the uncomfortable and complicated center is, I believe, a far more difficult process than exchanging lncludt•s: one extremist certainty for another. • Dos and Windows 95 • WordPerfect Yossr KLEIN HALEVI Jerusalem • Advanced WordPerfect • Intro to Acconntino·,., AUTHOR'S NOTE: • totus 1.2.3. • Excel • Computerized Accounting I wish to reiterate the second para­ graph of my article, "An Appreciation on • Intro to Desktop Publishing Rabbi Moshe Feinstein ':>"Yr" (March '96). I wrote:

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The Jewish Observer, May 1996 43 mantle of chizuk I had been seeking. ALITTLE UNREQUESTED good care of our children and we are n-:i The compelling thoughts and heartfelt HELP FROM A FRIEND very happy with her. words put finishing, lasting touches on my When Ilka told us of "Sonya," who Pesach preparations. My entire family ben­ To the Editor: was available for the extra hours, we efitted from this article. The legacy of I found myself needing extra help in were relieved. We were told that she, like Rabbi Shimon Schwab ?-::n lives on1 my home after the birth of our latest !tka, is also a "Jewish" Russian emigre, MRS. BESIE KATZ addition. "!tka," my regular babysitter, and her children are attending a Jewish Philadelphia, PA who has now been working for us for school. The references seemed fine, and THE AlITHOR IS EDUCATIONAL DIREC~ two years, knew of the situation and I was definitely awaiting her assistance. TOR OF THE POLITZ HEBREW ACADEMY IN tried to be of help. She is a Russian Jew­ We met. I was impressed with Sonya's PHILADELPHIA. ish woman with fine character. She takes warmth to our children, which of course is one of my priorities in select­ ing babysitters. Have You Performed The She also seemed interested in mak­ ing berachos and performing other mitzvos when she was told about them. Mitzvah of Gemach Lately?? Every day she went about her chores. " ... 'tlV J1K m'::>n 'lt7' OK If you lend funds to .. the poor." "This 'if' She would wash some dishes. Then she is an obligation" (Mechilta) would go for a morning walk with the children. She also did some house­ Do It Today! keeping twice a week. Things seemed to t=or 13 years, Ozer Dalim branches across En..1Z Yisroel have extended Gemach be moving along just fine. interest-free loans under the aegis of Hagaon Horav Chaim P. Schcinberg, Shlita. After six weeks of her employment Your donation will be a n..'Volvlng Gemach loan for the needy and crisis-stricken in our home, my 20-month-old child contracted the chicken pox, which I had and a source of eternal Zeh us for you and yours. no knowledge of him being exposed to. My newborn developed a miserable cough, which caused him to have diffi­ OZER DALIM culty breathing. Things were not right, 220 \Vest Nineteenth St. but I didn't know why. Now as I look back, I can tell you that Sonya's behav­ NewYork,N .Y. 10011 ior was becoming strange. For example, (212)924-0023 I told her that she cannot go out since OzerDalim my son has chicken pox. One day, nev­ ertheless, I caught her exiting the door with my children. 1 judged that it had been a misunderstanding. I did not real­ ize that this outing was an obsession of hers. I also noticed that whereas in the AH URGEHT CALL!! past she did my laundry in an orderly A caring, Orthodox home is needed in the Flatbush - Boro Park Area fashion, properly sorted, during her for a 15 year old yeshiva boy. week of confinement, things were dis­ organized, mixing socks in a pile of fold­ The family should be able to provide structure and guidance ed towels, and the like. as well as warmth: These incidents could have been a A childless couple would be ideal. sign to me that something was amiss. A monthly stipend, medical coverage, and.social work supports But I did not feel the need to be on the will be available. alert, so I let these minor irregularities If you or anyone you know is interested in doing this great Mitzvah of go by. Hatzolos Nefoshos, please call the Home Finding Departmental: One morning, after a week of con­ finement in my home, she was watch­ OHEL CHILDREN'S HOME & FAMILY SERVICES ing me as I was davening. (I did not know what I was davening for, but 718-851-6300 Hashem helped us.) She waited till I was finished and then, she could contain her-

44 The Jewish Observer, May 1996 self no longer. She put her arm around explained that it's good that she told me, me and said to me, "I love you, G-d loves since one should not be leading a dou­ you, j- loves you. The Messiah came ble life. She revealed the facts. Her out­ already. Yours are wrong, and he can ing with my children gave her the oppor­ take you away all your problems:' tunity to do her missionary work! I was in shock! I was horrified! What Exactly where she took them, I do not was happening in my very own home? know, and maybe I don't want to. Did I hire this woman myself? I must "Your children are in yeshiva?" I ques­ have turned white as a sheet, for she tioned. looked at my face and asked, "What's "Yes:' she answered, "since I do not, wrong?" She apologized. She realized she as of yet, have enough funds to place had gotten the wrong number and was them in a Christian school. But they sorry she had let the cat out of the bag. attend mass on Sunday:' I composed myself so that I could get What a disgrace! And to think that the rest of the story out of her. I she was watching over my heiligeh

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----·------·-- The Jewish Observer, May 1996 ---45 neshamo~ Hashem yishmor! When mis­ to make you aware of what is happen­ After all this happened, a typical sionaries come to our doors, dressed in ing. Please! Don't let this happen to you! remark from my clients came to my suits with their portfolios, we slam our At least, if I have suffered, someone else mind, one that I hear time and time doors in their faces. Of course, they can should be spared. There are hundreds again: "My babysitter told me ... :' As I am be identified easily. They keep no of women out there like her. Screen your sitting here meditating over this phrase, secrets. But here I was, employing, feed­ babysitters well, and be on the alert. I must ask, Do you really know who your ing, being mekareiv (giving her grape Watch out for danger signs, e.g. pecu­ babysitter is? juice for Pesach) and entrusting my liar behavior, not following directions NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST heiligeh neshamos-all this and more­ and the like. (This is not always present, The writer is a practicing pediatrician in the hand of a missionary. but in our case, it should have been a in Baro Park. I am writing this letter to the public give-away.) PINCHAS MANDEL BIG Over 45Yeats Experience in Kvura in EretzYisrael Personal Responsibilit}tThroughout Servicir-NO AFFILIATES APPLE COPY & PRINTING ORIGINATOR OF THE PRESENT METHOD CENTER Highly Recommended by Gedolai HadOr - Here and in Eretz Yisrael 87NASSAUSl 1569-47thStreet, Brooklyn, N.Y.11219 . Oay & NightPhone: (718) 851·8925 NEW YORI<, NY 10038 .. (212) 962'4282 . (212) 267-9478 l~tl~bN'1DbNj:' l)l''i' - j~::l '1Nl nib'll~ ·~ilD Chased ShelEMES with Mesiras Nefesh. • , as understood and practiced by one active inthe industry fonnore than half a century. -TaharasHanlftarShould.Never Be Commerclallzed ......

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