Monday 12 March 2007 Published by the USSU Comms Office Issue Number 1110 FREE www.ussu.co.uk barefThe Universitya of Surrey Students’cts Newspaper In this 24 page edition Construction begins on Vice-Chancellor’s new citadel BY PETE NATTRESS The citadel itself is due to be constructed on including Worshipping Techniques, Kneeling NOT NEWS EDITOR the current site of the Austin Pearce building. Positions and Citadel Construction. Exams Marcus Himself was personally present for the will continue, however, students achieving less CONSTRUCTION WORK BEGAN today on our demolition of the building, which was carried than a ninety percent average will be executed HAT S ON THIS W ’ glorious leader’s luxurious new citadel, out with dozens of foolish students still inside. in front of their families. “Failure to yield to my FORTNIGHT? cementing His position as our rightful “I am eliminating these extraneous places of rule shall not be tolerated! All shall yield or face GRAPEVINE | and omnipotent commander-in-chief. The learning,” he declared. “The only learning my godly wrath!” stated Marcus in a memo to structure, which is planned to be over 300 which needs to be performed henceforth examiners. Students caught having fun in any PAGES 11 & 14 meters in height, will allow our omniscient is learning how to yield to my iron rule!” way will also face severe punishments. NUS master to constantly observe us as we go Resistance to the rise of our righteous new president Trisha Goldberg stated that she about our subservient duties. It will be wrought leader has been weak and short-lived. Only thought Marcus was setting a good example out of the darkest iron, forged in the fires of a handful of traitors spoke out against the for other universities to follow. “This hands- Hell itself, with a resonance of evil which will rise of Marcus, all of whom have since been on attitude towards student welfare is just make His enemies quake in their treacherous ‘disciplined’. “All shall sing my praises and the sort of thing the NUS wants to see from NAVEED BARAKZAI boots. It will also contain a games room. kneel before me,” shouted Marcus from his other, less active Vice-Chancellors,” she said. LOOKS AT THE CAUSES & His Great Highness, Marcus Trevail the First, temporary office on the top floor of Rubix. All students are commanded to report came to power last week in a bloody coup Students have been ordered to learn a tribute to the site of the Citadel on Monday SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION in which the incumbent Vice-Chancellor was song to Marcus, the first lines of which are as morning at 5am to commence the COMMENT | PAGE 5 overthrown and promptly defenestrated, as follows: “Oh great Marcus Trevail / Whilst he construction process. YIELD OR DIE! is the ancient protocol with regards to Vice- leads us we shall never fail / There is no man who Chancellorship. “He was a weak man,” decried is better / Say otherwise and you’re a traitor”. This is most certainly Marcus the Wise. “He laboured under the An insubordinate linguist was blasphemous NOT NEWS! misapprehension that a university is a place of enough to suggest education. My primary undertaking will be to that ‘better’ does not undo all the treacherous work he has done.” rhyme with ‘traitor’, In his first diktat as Vice-Chancellor, Marcus to which the cunning assumed control over all aspects of student Marcus responded, media, but in his wisdom has allowed barefacts “The English language to remain impartial and unbiased by his new will yield to my rule!” SABBATICAL ELECTION & rule. Marcus the Brave also dissolved the The linguist concerned USSU, forcing the President into exile before will no longer speak EFERENDUM ESULTS R R boldly proclaiming that “the last remnants ill of Marcus. Or NEWS | PAGE 2 of the old Union have been swept away.” walk, for that matter. To complement our master’s marvellous Marcus’s new leadership new citadel, other alterations have been made is introducing changes RAG WEEK SPECIAL around the Surrey campus. The water in the to every course CENTRE PULLOUT lake has been replaced with the sacrificial blood currently offered of a thousand unbelievers, Chancellors has at Surrey. In lieu of been turned into a shrine to the Trevail Family, their regular degree and several academic buildings have been programmes, students demolished in preparation for the construction will all now experience of a 100 foot gold effigy of the noble Marcus. a fixed curriculum An artist’s impression of the VC’s new citadel RAG Week Special BY JOSH BATES raises money and gives it to deserving causes. commitment. Plus the opportunity to meet SURREY DOES ‘DAM DEPUTY EDITOR Welcome to the 2006-07 offering of bad new people, satisfaction from helping others taste humour (see above) from barefacts and and gain various difference experiences! LAST CHANCE TO RAG nowadays is an acronym for Raising And the students of the University of Surrey. It’s not too late to get involved - just pop BOOK! | PAGE 20 Giving, whereby, in simple terms, everybody RAG is entirely voluntary, there is no set time into the Students’ Union to find out more...

RAG WEEK SPECIAL | WARNING - THIS IS NOT NEWS ** WARNING -- THIS IS NOT NEWS ** WARNING - THIS IS NOT NEWS “joshfacts sophfacts 2 NEWS 12 March 2007 12 March 2007 NEWS 3 All Change at USSU University funding to rise by 6.4% Y OSH ATES B J B Sabbatical Election Results BY JOSH BATES interest for previously struggling science and maths subjects. EPUTY DITOR D E DEPUTY EDITOR Applications for engineering degrees were up by more than UNION PRESIDENT 43.1%, physics 47.8%, biological science-based subjects 97.7% HE RESULTS OF T the elections held over the past few weeks Papers received: 1290 THE HIGHER EDUCATION Funding Council for England (HEFCE) and maths 43.8%. Nationwide, the rise is not as sizeable with for the sabbatical positions at the Students’ Union were Valid papers: 1125 | Quota required: 563 has announced that universities in England will share £7.14 applications up by an average 6.4% with similar figures for announced on Friday 2nd March to a nervous audience. Michael Anton: 371 | Alex Collins: 661 billion for research, teaching, vulnerable subjects and special other vulnerable subjects. 1290 voted, approximately a mere 10% of the student Reopen Nominations: 93 funding in the coming year. The funding application is 6.4% “This extra funding was a response to some of the populous of Surrey, despite the fact the number of positions VP EDUCATION more than last year and enough to fund an extra 33,000 pressures that high-cost disciplines face,” Prof Eastwood said. available for the 2007-08 sabbatical team had increased from Papers received: 1290 places for full-time students. Almost £1.41 billion will go on “The issues for vulnerable subjects vary. In some places it is four to five in light of the recent split of the traditional VP Valid papers: 902 | Quota required: 451 research, which is an increase of 5.4% on last year. Top-rated cost and in others it is demand.” Education & Welfare role into two positions. Left-to-right: Mike, Zeph, Gems & Alex Mike Blakeney: 701 | Reopen Nominations: 201 departments at 23 universities will receive the bulk of the He acknowledged that teaching “remained under-funded”, This year, a particular point of contention surrounded cash. but said that this would be reconsidered next year and that taken by Mark ‘Zeph’ Griffiths, the USSU Executive’s current the elections of VP Education, VP Welfare and VP Sport & VP WELFARE In an attempt to fund and encourage the study of chemistry, participation, £738m for capital grants and £449m for “special the current “recovery” was particularly encouraging. Student Experience Officer and twice Societies Officer (2004- Recreation. Due to a drop in nominations, students only had Papers received: 1290 engineering and physics, institutions will receive an extra £75 funding”. He continued: “The position for teaching is much better 2006). Griffiths’ has been heavily involved with the Students’ the choice to Re-Open Nominations (RON) or one real Valid papers: 902 | Quota required: 451 million over the next three years. Due to waning popularity HEFCE’s Chief Executive, Professor David Eastwood, than it was ten years ago. Institutions need to be as efficient Union in his time at Surrey, not only as a member of the candidate for the three positions; although the latter was only Sophia Hawkins: 720 | Reopen Nominations: 182 amongst these subjects in recent years, the extra cash commented: “This is a good settlement for universities and as they can. The fact that universities will have tuition fee Union Executive but also Stage Crew and St. John’s LINKS. uncontested due to two dropouts during the campaign. injection from the government is a recognition that they are colleges, providing both stability in terms of their forward income puts them in a substantially better position.” Sophia Hawkins and Mike Blakeney, both second year In what is thought to have been an unprecedented move, VP SOCIETIES & INDIVIDUAL DEVELOPMENT expensive to teach. planning and a healthy rate of growth at a period which None of the sums for university funding include the money Politics students were elected as VP Educaiton and VP Welfare Paul Follows, a second year Politics student co-ordinated a Papers received: 1290 Teaching and research funding totals £5.8 billion, making otherwise would have been unhelpfully turbulent. Almost all institutions currently receive from student tuition fees of up respectively. Hawkins and Blakeney are currently Editor and vigorous RON campaign, even speaking on behalf of RON at Valid papers: 1024 | Quota required: 512 up part of an overall package of £7.1 billion, which also institutions will receive an uplift in their grants of 2% and to £3,000 a year. News Editor of barefacts itself. the Sabbatical Candidates Question Time on Wednesday 21st Mark ‘Zeph’ Griffiths: 583 | Madiha Latif: 349 includes £23 million this year for vulnerable subjects, plus many will receive substantially more.” Gemma Leaming, a final year Psychology student amd March in Chancellors. Follows’ associated Facebook group, Reopen Nominations: 92 a further £1.26 billion to be allocated at a later date. This The latest figures show a 39.2% rise in Surrey university [email protected] current Chairlady of the University of Surrey Hockey Club, The Great RON Campaign @ Surrey, claimed that “having includes money for such things as £5m to towards widening applications for the next academic year and a revival of just one candidate leads to voter apathy, or worse still, the was elected VP Sport & Recreation. VP SPORT & RECREATION wrong person getting into office”. The increased amounts Final year Business Management student Alex Collins, Papers received: 1290 of RON votes to the three positions have been credited former Academics Affairs Officer on the Union Executive Valid papers: 947 | Quota required: 474 to the campaign, which encouraged students to vote RON 2004-05 and active member of the GU2 Radio Station, was Gemma Leaming: 747 | Reopen Nominations: 200 Former Editor mugged near Tesco on in order to instigate a second election involving multiple elected as Union President. BY JOSH BATES mugging on the Ashenden side of the Tesco underpass just candidates. Just under a fifth of all valid votes for the three Significantly, all successful candidates reached their vote barefacts would like to congratulate the new sabbatical team DEPUTY EDITOR outside the University campus. The Computing graduate, positions were cast in favour of RON. quota leading to none of the second or third preference votes on their election, who will be beginning an intense handover who has been campaigning for a CCTV campaign in The new VP Societies & Individual Development role was made in the Single Transferable Vote system being counted. process with the current sabbatical team in June. BETWEEN 8PM AND 8:15pm on the evening of Friday 23rd that underpass for the past four years through his February, Chris Ward, twice non-consecutive Editor involvement with the Students’ Union and barefacts, Do you have a of barefacts and former Students’ Union Ethics & Equal lost his work laptop to the two muggers and although complaint against this newspaper? Opportunities Officer, was the unfortunate victim of a relatively unscathed, received a strain to the neck Referendum Results If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains when his laptop bag was pulled off him. inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about it. BY ANNE ABEYGUNASEKERA Fairtrade policy is concerned, 86% voted in favour, giving the The latest attack highlights the minimal If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press Complaints Commission - an editorial te m improvements made is simply not good DEPUTY EDITOR choice of purchasing more Fairtrade products in university independant organisation established to uphold an editorial Code of Practice a premises. The Union Executive voted against the Fairtrade for the Press. This newspaper will abide by their decision. 2006-07 enough. The assailants ran towards RECENTLY HELD policy whilst agreeing with the NUS affiliation. Southway, where a camera is supposed to Press Complaints Commission EDITOR | SOPHIA HAWKINS | [email protected] REFERENDUMS by the 1 Salisbury Square have been installed also. It has been installed, better lighting, CCTV cameras and security facilities. London and of course it was done during election Students’ Union NUS Affiliation & Fairtrade Please send article submissions and enquiries to the relevant contact Chris Ward said, “A camera in this underpass is well EC4Y 8JB year in 2005. Had the camera actually came out in favour Referendum Results Telephone: 020 7353 1248 given below. If you do not receive a response, please contact the Editor! overdue, and I fear it’s going to take a much more of the NUS and Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 been manned, it may have caught a glimpse serious incident than the one I experienced for the NUS AFFILIATION DEPUTY EDITOR (DESIGN) | JOSH BATES | [email protected] of the people who attacked Mr Ward. the Fairtrade. Two Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited Borough Council to finally act on it. I will continue referendums were Papers received: 1290 Stoke Mill House, DEPUTY EDITOR (SUBMISSIONS) | ANNE ABEYGUNASEKERA | eep1aa@ Many years ago, barefacts and the USSU campaigning for this with my colleague Councillor Tony conducted from Valid papers: 1071 Woking Road, Guildford, DEPUTY EDITOR (PROMOTIONS) | TOBY SHANNON | [email protected] jointly began the ‘Lights Camera Action’ Phillips as well as a bus to take students to Manor Surrey, the 27th February Yes: 943 (88%) | No: 128 (12%) campaign following several incidents in Park post Union evenings, and I ask all students to GU1 1QA NEWS EDITOR | MIKE BLAKENEY | [email protected] till the 1st March. the underpasses surrounding the campus be very cautious when they are out alone at night.” ARTS EDITOR | PATRICK HUNTER | [email protected] The first of which UNIVERSITY FAIRTRADE POLICY back in 2003. The campaign was set up to barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the ARTS EDITOR | JAKE SOUTH | [email protected] is regarding the Papers received: 1289 University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. put pressure on the local council to install [email protected] FEATURES EDITOR | SOPHIE IREDALE | [email protected] USSU’s affiliation Valid papers: 1009 The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do FEATURES EDITOR | SAFFRON WREAKES | [email protected] Mens Football Club with the National Union of Students (NUS). The other was Yes: 868 (86%) | No: 141 (14%) not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey PG TIPS EDITOR | MARY YIP | [email protected] Notifications AGM the University’s Fairtrade policy. There was a majority vote in Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, SCIENCE EDITOR | ALAN TERRY | [email protected] Saturday 17th March support of the USSU staying affiliated with the NUS, ensuring [email protected] barefacts Weekly Meeting, without the express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions SOCIETIES EDITOR | ELEANOR TYLER | [email protected] Squash Courts Seminar Room continuous benefits from the numerous services that a must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Mondays, 6pm, Union Committee Room SPORTS EDITOR | MATT CHEETHAM | [email protected] Varsity Centre national union membership provides. As far as the University’s starting at 5.30pm Submission is no guarantee of publication. SPORTS EDITOR | ANTHONY HANSON | [email protected] Student Assembly & USSU AGM PUZZLELORD | COLIN EVERETT | [email protected] Thursday March 15 2007 Only those with USSU Sports Club Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. Membership STOP THE PRESS! COPY EDITOR | PAUL SANDERSON | [email protected] 6pm, Rubix barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. WEBMASTER | PETE NATTRESS | [email protected] http://www.ussu.co.uk/ and fully paid Participation Fees can attend, The next edition of barefacts will be the LAST for this year. This will be your last opportunity to See the web site for more details stand for election, or vote. submit anything you want published. Issue 1111 will come out on Monday 30th April Please direct all equiries to the relevant section Editor. MARKETING CO-ORIDNATOR | AARON SALINS | [email protected] Details from Steve Cottingham, (Week 12) and all submissions should be made by Monday 23rd April (Week 11). WWW.USSU.CO.UK [email protected] EDITOR-IN-CHIEF | GREG SCOTT | [email protected] Club Secretary at [email protected] © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2007 “joshfacts sophfacts 4 LETTERS 12 March 2007 12 March 2007 COMMENT 5 Letters to barefacts Letters must be received by midday on Friday 23rd March to guarantee Know Yourself - Understand Yourself their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity. With the launch of the Students’ Unions Know Yourself campaign across campus last fortnight, Naveed Barakzai [email protected] takes a look at the causes and symptoms of depression and where to go for help.

company at the last minute, delayed the launch for several and actively encourage those with an interest to take part BY NAVEED BARAKZAI Tick tock, ticked off weeks and have been trying to catch up ever since. Every in making the paper better. After all, barefacts is made by Side-Effects of drowsiness headache shaking page has been transferred from the old website to this new students for students and without the team behind it, or even DEPRESSION IS CONSIDERED the “Common cold of psychiatry” Depression Anti-Depressant Dear barefacts, one and more have been built since, but we’re getting there. the one-off submissions, it would be nothing. and is in fact the most common condition seen by GPs in Medications dizziness We have had reports of login problems, bugs in the forums JOSH BATES, ACTING EDITOR FOR ISSUE 1109 the UK with the exception of high blood pressure. Over The Statistics fits / convulsions feeling sick, vomiting inability to have an I am writing to you mainly to question the effectiveness and some other issues, and they are all being addressed by 24.3 million prescriptions for anti-depressants were written 1 in 10 of the population suffer at any given abdominal pain, erection of the new USSU website. It has been a constant problem our provider. in England in 2001 valued at £342 million, and depression is time indigestion inability to have an for me trying to register on it and when I finally get on I But what will make this site a success, is the sports club Help us Help likely to affect 25% of us at some point in our lives. So just 1 in 4 of the population will suffer at some diarrhoea, constipation orgasm immediateley am lost by the labyrinth of the link menu; some and society news and events that THEY control go directly what does depression mean, and what can you do about it? point in their lives of which end in dead ends. As if this wasn’t bad enough when on the front page of the Union website. Therefore, every day, Children with Cancer Clinical depression is typically characterised by an inability loss of appetite, weight bruising I try to actually get on the website its often down and I get new information about what is going on around campus can to experience pleasure along with difficulty in concentrating, loss manic or hypomanic Dear barefacts, According to a 2001 Mental Health increased appetite, behaviour a php database error. Did this website really need to change, be seen instantly on the main page. coupled with sleep and appetite disturbance as well as other Foundation survey: weight gain abnormal movements did it not perform well enough before? For everyone else out there, if you haven’t already, register Rob Conetta and Kathy Beresford from the Institute of sad, lonely, or perhaps guilty feelings. It is not just about 50% of university students showed signs of allergic reactions dry mouth Was this website released in a rush because it was already yourself an account at www.ussu.co.uk and let us know Sound Recording are taking part in the Bath Half Marathon to feeling down – we all feel down sometimes but it doesn’t Clinical Anxiety irritability / anxiety sweating later than its promised arrival? what you think! raise money for CLIC Sargent, a UK based charity that cares mean we are depressed – but it is about a serious change in 10% of university students showed signs of sleeplessness suicidal ideas One final thing that “ticks me off” as my good friend Scott for children and young people with cancer. the way our mind and body is operating. What is typical in Clinical Depression says, is the mis-spelling of the word “your”and “you’re”. It barefacts Deputy Editor, Josh Bates, responds: In our bid to raise £500 for this worthy cause, we are the diagnosis of depression is the sustenance of these feelings might alright to mix it up on MSN messenger but there’s Thank you for your letter concerning the USSU web site and hosting an evening of live jazz music featuring musicians over a period of some time, and being able to recognise the of talking therapies, or for anti-depressants by blocking depression, but the general consensus is that a combination no excuse for getting it wrong in barefacts. See the “polite what “ticks you off”. The confusion of “your” and “you’re” from the university. This takes place on 22nd March 2007 at symptoms in other people is therefore really important. At the reuptake of serotonin in the nerve synapses of of the three is most likely to be present in a depressive. notice” at the back of issue 1109. is often annoying to many, including myself who was indeed Wates House. In addition to providing great music and a fun any time about 10% of the people around you are likely to be the brain which means there is more readily available. 1) Depression is a medical disease caused by a chemical RODO responsible for this appalling error at the bottom of the back atmosphere we will be holding a raffle with some great prizes suffering from depression and they will need specialist medical The first step in dealing with depression is recognising that imbalance in the brain, 2) depression is caused by certain of issue 1109. I find it up there with the misuse of “its” and to be won! help and advice. Depression might now be quite common, there’s something wrong, and then contacting someone for styles of thinking and 3) depression is a result of unfortunate Union President, Greg Scott, responds: “it’s”. See the first paragraph of the letter you just submitted Please come along and support us on the night – entry but it doesn’t take a day off and some Lemsip to cure it. advice. Most people will turn to their GP in the first instance, experiences. So what can you do to treat depression? Let me start by saying “YES!” the website most certainly to this very issue, plus the mistake in your penultimate is free and everyone is welcome. Just bring plenty of spare Depression is an illness that can afflict absolutely anyone, but organisations such as the Samaritans will listen and offer Two types of treatment are readily available, being did need a change! The old system we were using was sentence which should read: “It might be alright...” etc. change! For more information about the 22nd March or if whatever their circumstances. Charlie Waller was strong, directions to the right services over the telephone or by email. talking therapies or medication. The best method exceptionally difficult to use and therefore much of the I guess it just goes to exemplify further that we are all you would like to be involved please contact Rob or Kathy. good looking, intelligent, had a wonderful partner, a loving Extensive information is available on the internet about for treating depression though is a combination of information was significantly out of date because it was subject to spelling flaws, whether it is on MSN Messenger or ([email protected] & [email protected]) family, loads of friends and a good position in a job he loved. depression and tackling the many aspects of it, and the Charlie both, which will then serve to deal with the mind difficult (if not impossible) to update. even when writing in to the student newspaper to complain, Alternatively sponsor us at: He decided the only way out of the hell he was living in was Waller Memorial Trust has recently launched Students Against in terms of both the chemical and thinking causes. But, you are correct. The website was released in a rush. The ironically, about typos. www.justgiving.com/kathyberesfordbathhalf to kill himself. Charlie was the life and soul of the party, Depression at www.studentdepression.org which is an Talking therapies can be such as Counselling, Cognitive initial company we were planning to work with fell through The making of barefacts is an extremely lengthy process www.justgiving.com/robconetta but unknown to almost all of his friends and family, the excellent and informative site. For a more in-depth learning Behavioural or Analytical Therapy (CBT/CAT), or at the last minute due to unfulfilled promises of capabilities that takes many hours week in, week out as any member of All proceeds from this event will go to CLIC Sargent (Visit party had stopped being fun. He experienced huge mood path try www.clinicaldepression.co.uk which takes a step- Psychotherapy. The Student Counselling Centre in University that we realised would never exist. So we went with another the Editorial Team would tell you. We never claim perfection www.clicsargent.co.uk for more information). swings but no-one saw the warnings signs or clicked that by-step approach to understanding and treating depression. Court has six full time professionally qualified counsellors, something might be wrong, until Charlie took his own life. If you think that someone is suffering from depression, and they offer individual appointments as well as running There are three main points of view about the cause of talk to them, and get them to contact a doctor. If they workshops and group events. These therapies will endeavour College students face diplomatic challenge at UniS won’t, use foresight and contact a professional yourself -- to analyse events and the way that you think about them, because we all have perfect hindsight but by then it’s too late. BY BEN MILLER students will be taking on various roles for the day including and will offer advice and support in trying to change those Chair of the Committees, where they will help participants Depression thought patterns. As a simple example, if you see a friend STUDENTS FROM FIVE further education colleges in the south come up with, and pass, a UN resolution on some of the on the other side of the road and wave to them and they The Warning Signs STUDENTS AGAINST DEPRESSION | east of England are coming together for an opportunity most pressing matters facing the world at present such as don’t wave back, you might just think they didn’t see you. A http://www.studentdepression.org | Detailed information to experience what it’s like being a high level diplomat the Israeli/Palestinian situation and the nuclear issue in Iran. Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism depressive might think they were being ignored on purpose on depression and dealing with it for the United Nations (UN) in a mock UN meeting at Dr. Rachel Brooks, the project leader, said: “This project Feelings of worthlessness, guilt an and feel negative about the event. Our feelings aren’t just STUDENT COUNSELLING CENTRE | the University of Surrey. The UK’s highest representative has brought the relevance and importance of international helplessness automatic reactions to events but are shaped by the ideas http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/scc | The UniS Counselling to the UN during the first Gulf War and the genocide political issues to life for the students in an engaging and Thoughts of death or suicide that we have, and therapy tries to re-shape the negative Service in Rwanda, Lord Hannay, will be attending the event at informative manner. Students will come away empowered by Restlessness ideas into positive ones which makes life seem worthwhile. SAMARITANS | http://www.samaritans.org | Confidential the University on Tuesday 27 March 2007, putting the the project as they’ll be exposed to challenging situations and Irregular sleep Anti-depressant medication has a variety of pros and cons listening service students’ learning and experiences into perspective. will be equipped with relevant skills to help them in their lives.” Decreased energy whilst one in particular has been featured in the press and on MOODGYM | http://moodgym.anu.edu.au | A simple The mock UN meeting is the culmination of the ‘UN at The aim of this ‘UN at UniS’ project is to encourage Changes in mood BBC’s Panorama recently as the subject of scrutiny in cases of online CBT package UniS’ project, which has given participants key transferable students to continue their studies and increase their Insomnia teen suicide. Two of the most important bits of information DEPRESSION ALLIANCE | http://www.depressionalliance.org | skills that will prepare them for the day, and for work and aspirations in life. It offers participants the chance to reflect Difficulty making decisions that should be know about taking anti-depressants is firstly MIND | http://www.mind.org.uk | UK Charity providing life, such as negotiating, compromising, consensus building Numerous students and staff from Surrey Uni will be on their learning and to contribute to various evaluation Appetite and weight loss that it will usually take around 2 weeks before you feel any local support groups and persuading. Students have learnt about politics, the UN involved with the UN meeting, where students from the and dissemination activities, making it an engaging, inclusive Persistent, sad, anxious or empty mood positive results whilst for those 2 weeks you are liable to Mental health charity, information factsheets and how they affect their lives and introduced to substantive colleges will learn about the views and positions of other and democratic project. ‘UN at UniS’ is funded by the Tearfulness suffer from the side-effects, and secondly that it is usually Raising awareness of depression and its dangers political issues, involving international decision making. countries around the world on key political issues, enabling university’s widening access fund and contributes to the advised that you keep taking the medication for 6 months CHARLIE WALLER MEMORIAL TRUST | http://www.cwmt.org The project is being run by the Department of Political, them to see alternative perspectives. Participants will take on university’s wider aim of encouraging those who have Learn these signs for your own safety and the safety after the depression has passed to help prevent relapse. International and Policy Studies at the University of Surrey the role of a country which they must negotiate and debate been traditionally under-represented in higher education of others. The most common side-effects encountered are gastro- and is comprised of a number of events at the students’ for, where millions of people will be relying on their skills to to progress to university and continue their studies. If you, or someone you know, experiences 4 of these intestinal, so feeling sick, indigestion, diarrhoea and vomiting. Fancy writing a comment article? Are you capable of writing a colleges, online activities, and a final mock UN meeting. The come up with solutions to some of the world’s most pressing symptoms over a number of weeks seek professional Both of these treatments are also working to affect good, well structured argumentative point on a controversial event also has the strong support from Minister of State at problems, while at the same time building consensus and [email protected] advice immediately. the chemical imbalance of the brain by increasing subject? The next issue is your last chance - so get writing! the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Dr Kim Howells. persuading other countries to come to an agreement. Surrey production of serotonin (happy hormone) in the case [email protected] “joshfacts sophfacts 6 COMMERCIAL BREAK 12 March 2007 12 March 2007 COMMENT & FEATURES 7 Our Tony the Lad BY ANDREW RAOF Tony Blair, born Anthony Charles Lynton Blair, became and I honestly wouldn’t care what anyone did when they the leader of the Labour Party in 1994, towards the end of were younger, only discredit himself. We have images of a long reign of Tory mishaps, succeeding his predecessor, David Cameron riding bicycles, stroking dogs, and now John Smith, who died suddenly. He read law at St John’s doing what all youngsters apparently aspire to do. Cameron College, Oxford University, and as a student, he was a singer should seriously rethink his strategy if the next election and guitarist for a rock band called Ugly Rumours. He was is not to be another misfortune for the Conservatives. known to ‘crash in’ at friends’ houses when having nowhere Branding Tony Blair as “once the future” in his first attempt to go, and for not showing the slightest bit of interest in at Prime Minister’s Questions made me laugh and picture how to become the man controlling the United Kingdom. him as a little boy with a lollipop in his mouth, pelting the Yet recently, a further photograph was released of Tony cabinet with tomatoes and trying to be in there with the Blair, specially for the BBC’s Newsnight programme, making big boys. Tony Blair’s confused smile was memorable. At an obscene gesture. This was a slight accident, compared least the latter has been honest, has not attempted to with a picture of a much different David Cameron, in hide his past and won’t care about this photograph leaked. 1986, in which he sports his Bullingdon Club membership [email protected] of swish waistcoats and blue ties. Cameron has been very secretive of such photographs, and this particular The mullet: business on top; party from behind. (1989) one has been withdrawn, Bullingdon being reputed for loutishness. It was DESPITE HOW HE has portrayed himself in recent years, the also intended to be used by the soon-to-be-ex Prime Minister has a side often hidden Labour Party for election purposes. from the public eye. What we are used to hearing, So what are we left with? David typically, are stories of corruption behind the doors of Cameron is clearly not a man he claims Number 10, illegal wars on unjustified motives, a shift to to be. His confessions to smoking the right wing and a regurgitated questioning on whether cannabis whilst at Eton College democracy in the United Kingdom is indeed working. are little more than an attempt at Yet although Tony Blair has ruined his legacy in winning support from ‘New Tories’ numerous ways, and, of course, left a shining example (that is in my eyes: supporters of in others, in my opinion, this prime minister should younger generations), which, although Is the chap there on the back row, towards the right, our Prime Minister, Tony Blair? not leave without his hidden side being known. everyone is entitled to a private life,

Miss the food page last issue? Then here are some barefacts recipes to whet your appetite!

RECIPES es Joes Chocolate Browni

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a all other ingredients. Tune into The Jamie and Oliver show, Monday evenings 6-8 on Flirt T-Shirts - Save £4 / Now only £7.99! Put mixture into a square baking tin. GU2, as we unravel the universe of food and random banter. With Flirt Mugs - Save £3.50 / Now only £2.49 Jamie aka James Clark and Oliver aka Ollie Guerreri. No doubt Flirt Hot Pants - Save £2 / Now only £5.99 baref Bake for about 30 mins in the oven, at 180. They should be going off on many tangents with no real direction or relation to Flirt Ladies Thongs - Save £1 / Now only 2.99 Send in your recipes: crusty on the top, but gooey in the middle. food….Not to mention great music!! ussu. “joshfacts sophfacts 8 FEATURES 12 March 2007 12 March 2007 FEATURES 9 Dr Russ Replies Agony Sistersjust casually drop it into conversation!To Have youThe gone things that annoyRes her too! Maybe a bitcue of compromise is in Is it really worth writing speculatively to an employer? Playing Away? through his mobile to check for text messages from other order, and you never know you might find you can give your Definitely. You can’t guarantee discuss your application with them. We have examples Who exactly should I write to? people? Always a good way of checking things out I find. Just relationship a new lease of life. THE PROBLEM: you will always spot ads when of both CVs and covering letters in the Careers Service. If you are making applications of a general nature, say be warned if you go looking you might not like what you see! I think my boyfriend may be having an affair, but I’m not sure. they come out, so writing ‘on for chartered accountancy training, the best thing to He is always “working” late and at silly times (like overnight spec’ at least gives you a chance How can I find address lists? do is to send your letter to the Graduate Recruitment stocktakes), and when he thinks I’m at University and I Annoying Girlfriend! I’m so Stressed! to be considered for something You’d probably find it helpful to start with something Manager, if you know they have one, or to the HR come home early, he is no where to be seen and doesn’t you might otherwise have like Prospects Directory or the GET Directory to Manager. Try and find out the name of the person by answer his phone. I’m worried because I love him and can’t THE PROBLEM: THE PROBLEM: missed. There are two other identify the major employers of graduates. We have phoning or checking the web site. If, on the other hand, imagine life without him. We’ve been going out forever I think I am fed up with my girlfriend. I have been going I am really stressed at the moment and don’t know what very good reasons for trying this reference copies of both these directories in the you are interested in more specialised work such as and I don’t think he has done anything like this before, so out with her for two years and every so often have to do! I have so much work to do, so many other things DR RUSS CLARK approach. First of all, it can be Careers Service. They are also on the internet at research or employment in a specific department within am I just being paranoid? I don’t want to ask him in case doubts, but now I am really in a slump with her. I am just to do, and just not enough time to do it! It’s starting to CAREERS SERVICES pretty expensive to advertise a www.prospects.ac.uk and www.get.hobsons.co.uk. the organisation, it can be helpful to try to identify he he hates me for it and thinks I don’t trust him. Please help. finding the things she does annoys me, but I’m living with get me down and everyone around me is suffering for job and employers won’t waste name of the person who manages that department. her and it would be awkward to break up now. Plus, it’s it. I have left everything to the last minute which I know their money if they have sufficient speculative applications Are there specialist directories? SISTER SOPHIE SAYS: sex on tap! What should I do? Move out or stick with it? is stupid, but now I need help to figure out what to do. sitting on their desks. Secondly, it really works, as about Kompass is a good way to locate all the employers who So I should give it a try then? Well, I think you have some insecurities you need to sort 10% of University of Surrey graduates find every year. operate in specialist areas such as nuclear instrumentation Writing on spec is definitely worthwhile. The more you out. Have you ever been cheated on before? Because that SISTER SOPHIE SAYS: SISTER SOPHIE SAYS: manufacture or the production of automotive components. hunt around, the greater your chances of unearthing a may be the reason why you are so paranoid now. He may Dump her and move on! You can’t stay with someone There are so many people in your situation at the moment How should I go about it? We have a copy in the Careers Service. If you are looking vacancy which no-one else has found. Admittedly, you be working those silly hours, but as long as he is spending just because you may not get laid for a long time if you so don’t feel like you are on your own. However, you must Just send a curriculum vitae and a covering letter. The for employers in particular occupations such as sound might end up with a pile of rejection letters or even the wage on you, enjoy the alone time! If you are that break up! If she annoys you, and you’ve felt like this realise that now you have to get your head down and get it letter would typically be four paragraphs - who you work, advertising, forensic science etc, the Prospects no responses at all, but then you might just uncover an worried though, get his work number (say you want it before, then there doesn’t seem to be much future all done, so just warn everyone around you that the next few are, why you are writing, what particular skills and website has an A-Z of about 400 occupations with opportunity which gets your career off to a brilliant start. for emergencies or something) and try calling him whilst and you’re heart doesn’t really seem in it. So, let her go weeks/months are going to be stressful and you apologise in experience you have to offer and a closing paragraph references to all the best places to look for jobs in that area. meant to be at work…if he’s not there, then you have (gently), remain friends and maybe you can still have sex advance. Then lock yourself away as much as possible, setting to say how much you’d value having an opportunity to [email protected] a problem, but he is probably totally innocent so give him on tap! But definitely don’t stay with her in my opinion. . yourself targets everyday, and don’t go out until they are the benefit of the doubt until you have hard core evidence. done. It’s not much of a life, but remember next time not to SISTER SAFFRON SAYS: leave it to the last minute! SISTER SAFFRON SAYS: Hold on a bit mister....you say you only think youre fed up Almost Accurate Astrology Definately sounds a bit dodge to me! Have you asked him with her, that doesn’t sound too definate to me. Everyone has SISTER SAFFRON SAYS: sure you carry a camera wherever you go! Don’t overdo it on shall never reach your full potential. Bananas shall help you where he is when youre trying to call him and he’s not doubts every now and then, have you spoken to her about Sit down, stops moaning about it and get on with it! End of! Aquarius appearances as some people prefer you as you are, not who through your difficult time, although a bit of redbull may be answering? You dont have to mention anything about cheating her annoying habits? Noones perfect luv and i’m sure you do 21 Jan – 19 Feb you pretend to be. needed also! Things are bubbling inside you and not in a good way! You Lucky advice: Rock on to your heart’s content! | Lucky day: Lucky advice: Party hard when it’s over! | Ex-Boyfriend troubles have to let it out before it is too late and it starts eating you Sunday Lucky day: Saturday inside. Make sure no one sees you doing that thing that you THE PROBLEM: do, or you may be red-faced for a long time afterward. I was going out with this guy for one year, and although it was Cancer Scorpio Surrey Stud Campus Honey Lucky advice: Look out for toadstools! | Lucky day: Friday Name: Name: long distance it worked. We finally broke up around New 21 June – 22 July 23 Oct – 22 Nov Alex Hobbs Cat Deredas Year, but vowed to remain friends and now I am someone Pisces Money is a concern lately, but just learn to live a little less ex- You have a talent, don’t let it go to waste by listening to the he confides in a lot. However, he recently told me he got a travagantly! Try something new without worrying about what wrong people. Don’t let arguments last forever, get over it 20 Feb – 20 Mar girl pregnant whilst we were going out and he doesn’t know people will think of you, it’s your life so do what you want, as and move on. Use music as a source of motivation, jump to Age: Age: A friend shall ask you to do something that you do not want what to do. I can’t believe it as I always told him if he felt like long as it is legal! the beat! 22 18 to do, and you must stick by your guns or the relationship cheating then we should break up. I can’t be there for him Lucky advice: Jump for joy when the moment comes. | Lucky Lucky advice: Smarties have the answer! may be ruined forever! Your personal space is important to with this because it hurts to think he betrayed me, but I still day: Wednesday Lucky day: Wednesday Status: Status: you, so don’t let them intrude. Single ‘ish’ Single want to be his friend. What shall I tell him? Lucky advice: Watch neighbours for tips! | Lucky day: Tuesday Leo Sagittarius Course: Course: SISTER SOPHIE SAYS: Aries 23 July – 22 Aug 23 Nov – 21 Dec Well, he sounds like a bit of a shit to be honest, but if you still You shall be rescued by your friends this week when things Things are raining down on you, but don’t worry as an um- Business Business Management 21 Mar – 30 April want to remain friends then you need to get over this. Just turn out a little nasty between you and someone. Remember brella shall come to you soon in the form of someone fit! Management Someone has a picture of you in a not-very-flattering position tell him that you can’t be there for him with this problem as violence is not the answer, so brush up on your smart-allic Dressing up is fine, but do it in your own time and don’t Favourite so watch out as they may use it as bargaining power later it hurts you to think of what he did. Talk to him about it, and remarks and give it to them! expect others to be up for it as much as you are! Favourite Colour: on in the week. Remember to be charitable as you shall be then try to let it go. That’s the only way if you want to remain Lucky advice: Duck before it is too late! | Lucky day: Monday Lucky advice: live for the moment! Colour: Pink rewarded for it in many ways. friends, but don’t trust him too quickly! Lucky day: Sunday Purple Lucky advice: Don’t look behind you! | Lucky day: Saturday Hobbies: Virgo Hobbies: Clubbing, socialising with friends, going to gigs, music, SISTER SAFFRON SAYS: Taurus 23 Aug – 22 Sept Capricorn Just be honest with him, tell him he’s hurt you and go Don’t give in to temptation this week, you are doing so well 22 Dec – 30 Jan Waterpolo, occasional nudity, drinking. drawing and writing lyrics 21 April – 21 May from there. If all that remains between you is friendship and it’ll only set you back and upset you. Clear it away and Partying may be on the cards, but watch out for someone try- Your hidden past comes to bite on the butt this week, so then you should be able to deal with this and give him as go jump on the bed. This shall prove a valuable source of ing to make you fall flat on your face. Embarrassing moments Any Other Comment: Any Other Comment: maybe you should tell someone about it first to reduce the much or aslittle support as you feel you can, however I’m therapy. are always the result of someone out to get you! Make sure “Message to the people (Quite appropriate for anyone ‘‘If you don’t have any money, take your broke ass home’’ shock factor. You shall begin to sleep better soon, but for now wondering if whether you are still harbouring more feelings Lucky advice: Take it on the head! | Lucky day: Friday you give them competition. in dissertation and coursework hell right now): Without just use the extra time to get things done! experiencing the lows in life, you will never appreciate the for him than youre letting on which is why this revelation Lucky advice: Don’t run if you can get a bus! If you fancy hooking up with the Surrey Stud or the Campus Lucky advice: Don’t wear yourself thin. | Lucky day: Monday highs!” has affected you so much. in which case again you need to Libra Lucky day: Thursday Honey then email: talk to him and yourself and decide whats best for all of you! Gemini 23 Sept – 22 Oct It’ll soon be over so just knuckle down and let the hard work [email protected] [email protected] 22 May – 20 June [email protected] [email protected] pay off. Do not let someone else drag you through it or you Someone you admire shall come to you this week, so make “joshfacts 10 PG TIPS 12 March 2007 Any contributions to this section should be sent directly to the PG Tips Editor at [email protected] PG Tips PGA Social Editor Secretary Mary Yip Claire Hobbs

m.yip@ c.hobbs@ surrey.ac.uk surrey.ac.uk Jail Break - The Surrey Way

BY ANNE ABEYGUNASEKERA you reach the campus boundaries. The game commences you have passed the feather stage, the water balloon bash DEPUTY EDITOR near the car park towards the train station. The game begins begins. Try and avoid getting hit by a water balloon cos it will by running across university court to the lake. But the course hurt. Now you have reached the last stage before the big TRADITIONALLY RAG WEEK is centered around fundraising is dotted with potatoes placed every few meters in front of escape. Immediately after your wash from your lovely chicken activities, in which students would take part in many games the starting point, with a bucket at the finish. You must collect feathers, you will hop backwards around the RAG mascot 5 and events to raise money for charity. These events may range all the potatoes whilst running towards the lake. Once at the times. Be careful though, as the mascot is not that friendly from races, quizzes, expeditions to performing crazy stunts. lake you will be expected to swim across the little lake with with the escapees. Et voila! the ‘grand finale’, congratulations One such popular event is the ‘Jailbreak’. Since the RAG week the fountain holding your nose. If you make it to the other you made it to car park one. Victory oh sweet victory, the is fastly approaching I thought of modifying the ‘Jailbreak’ to end you’ll come across the 10 soldiers with their paint ball winner will get a free coach ticket to go as far as possible the standards of surrey students. guns. If you get hit more than 7 times you are out of the game. from campus! The idea is simple: you have 1 hour in which to get as far away After dodging the bullets you’ll reach the muddy green in Note: This event is not scheduled to take place at the RAG from campus as possible. Sounds simple? Not quite, there is of front of the PATS building. There’ll be 10 huge gunnysacks full week. course a catch. You will have to pass the many obstacles before of chicken feathers, over which you’ll be leapfrogging. Once Communicating to Postgraduates

BY TIM BROWN Postgraduate Newsletter the departments as well as central locations) although if As already mentioned, not all postgraduates will read the postgraduates are going to be reached effectively assistance COMMUNICATING TO POSTGRADUATES is not as straight forward as regular student newspaper, either because they can’t access from departmental administrators is necessary. putting up posters on advertising in the student newspaper it easily and possibly because they may well find the approach Week 10 since the audience for such communication is largely with which it is written is not directed at them. Further to this, Postgraduate Representatives undergraduates. As other resources produced by NPC student newspapers are not normally printed in the vacation and Graduate Schools indicate, postgraduates are a significantly different and indeed time, so it is highly beneficial to produce a newsletter for a disparate community where special attention needs to be postgraduates that helps overcome this. The newsletter will Many undergraduate courses will normally have given as to how information is communicated to them when benefit from an editorial team of postgraduates reporting the representatives, and likewise it is also useful to have them at Chancellors Cocktail Night campaigning for postgraduate involvement, notifying of events latest postgraduate news locally, updates on NPC’s activity postgraduate level including those on research programmes. for postgraduates etc. This section is therefore aimed at giving (for which generic articles are produced periodically) and If introduced onto an email list they can be helpful in terms ideas as to how a student representative body can undertake advertisements for upcoming events. It is important that this of communicating information both ways and allowing the this more effectively. is available electronically also in order to reach part time and central representative structure for postgraduates to be distance learning students especially. actively networking with all postgraduates in the institution. Accessible Website At this point it is important to note the channels via which If the institution has a graduate school, it is often helpful to newsletters and other literature or emails are communicated seek support from them to help in pushing departments to Many postgraduates, especially research students and part to postgraduates. Departmental postgraduate administrators realise the importance of representing, which will help the time/distance learners will regularly use the Internet to are often useful people to make contact with in the first postgraduates as well to identify with it as an important find out information they need to know at obscure hours instance, where details can often be found from the registry. It means of feeding back on both departmental and institution of the day and in places where they cannot easily access is useful to find out from such people what the proportion of wide issues. the premises of a student representative body easily. It is taught students and research students (both full time and part therefore important that information in electronic form is time) and any distance learning students. For most full time Notice Boards regularly up to date and readily available for someone seeking students they should be able to distribute any information Chancellors Open Mic information. This will also influence their impressions of how via the pigeon holes locally but they may send out regular To allow communication via posters to be more effective it they are being supported and represented as postgraduates. mailings to part time and distance learning students. It is is useful to place notice boards in appropriate places within It is strongly encouraged to implement a postgraduate area therefore important to find out when they undertake any departments and other central areas. Postgraduates will on a website, our resources also provide ideas on what to mailings so that any relevant literature can be sent out with therefore know useful reference points from where they can include in a postgraduate area as well as using it as a point of them. seek information. information to tell postgraduates what a student body does There is no harm in placing advertisements in the student for them as part of their membership. newspaper or on posters (which are useful to display in [email protected] RAG Week: 12 -18 March What is RAG? Sport Relief RAG You’ve seen them on the telethons doing stupid things - bathing in baked beans, cycling RAG won the award for their commitment to USSU Societies back in 2002-2003. This was around in pyjamas, projecting their naked ofrm onto buildings, pushing beds full of students the first time the award had been presented and RAG is proud to be the first society to have Earlier in the year, the University of Surrey Students’ Union village in South-eastern India but the effect it has had on her families. around the town, even jumping out of aeroplanes! Okay, they did have parachutes, but let’s be their name on the shield. organised a local mile for BBC Sport Relief. Over 1200 life is immense. In her community, with hundreds dying and When a family becomes aware that they will lose one of reasonable... RAG stands for ‘Raising and Giving’ and is a great way for students to raise money for people came to campus to run the course on a bright, fun- livelihoods being destroyed, the threat of malnutrition and their children, they want to make the most of every precious Now YOU can become part of the most chaotic and peculiar student institution this country registered charities while having loads of fun and drinking copious amounts of alochol in the filled day. The University of Surrey Guildford mile was the disease taking hold was very real. Thanks to money raised minute they have left together. Rachel House gives families has to offer, all in the name of charity. process. Have you seen the footprints on the side of Surrey Court? Just another example of largest locally organised event in the country and enjoyed through Sport Relief, Priya was given food, shelter and an the chance to do just that. RAG Week happens at nearly every University in Britain (although not all at the same time!) RAG craziness, so if you’re outgoing, enthusiastic or downright mad then come and lend your by all. The Mayor of Guildford ran the mile, along with the education – not just in the immediate aftermath – but well Caring for a child who has a serious illness can put an It’s where RAG gets to highlight our work and charity fundraising whilst putting on some support to RAG. young and old of Guildford. after the event too. The project has helped her family pick immense physical and emotional strain on the whole family spectacular events to try and raise even more money. In the past we have had our annual So why should Surrey students join RAG? Well for one it’s fun! You get to meet loads of new Money raised through BBC Sport Relief was split between up the pieces of their shattered lives after one of the world’s and leaves little time for enjoyment. Rachel House gives themed raid in Guildford High Street plus loads of events on campus – if you want to get people, get involved in running events (anything you want... within reason) and get satisfaction improving the lives of people living in both Africa and the most devastating natural disasters. families essential support to cope with what’s happening to involved then just let us know your ideas. from helping others. UK. Sport Relief started after the success of Comic Relief, them and also the chance to have fun as a family during such We need as many Raggies as we can – the more help we have the bigger and better the If you have any fundraising ideas and would like to get involved in helping others, drop us but has become a massive event in it’s own right. Priya, India a difficult time in their lives. With the care and support from events we can achieve. If you want to be a member of RAG either as a full-time member or a line or better still pop into the Students’ Union and tell us straight. Rachel House is a children’s hospice in Scotland run by the Rachel House, children and their families can live life to the as an occasional volunteer then please let us know who you are. Cash in action: Children’s Hospice Association Scotland (CHAS). CHAS full and make the most of each day left together. Priya is 12 years old. She has blocked out the horrific provides a warm, loving environment for children who memories from the day that the tsunami crashed into her have progressive, life limiting medical conditions and their Mountains, while extremely University of Surrey Mountaineering Club as a charity fund raising event. We challenging, are of little will be collectively climbing 26 miles straight up, or put differently, we will interest to climbers as be climbing nearly five times the height of Mt Everest in a single day, or the they tend to be across flat, height of 5023 double-decker buses stacked on top of one another unhindered land. Climbers Look out for the team who will be trying to raise as much money as What is going on during RAG Week? seek vertical challenges, hence the concept of the Vertical Marathon 2007. possible for their vertical climb during RAG week! * USSU are running a food collection during RAG week for Hope & Aid Direct (a charity well within the sell by date.) The Vertical Marathon 2007 is a 26 mile climb being undertaken by the that sends essential supplies to war torn & poverty stricken countries). * The Afro Carribean Society are doing X Factor in the Union * On Wednesday 14 March & Friday 16 March entry to Rubix before 10.30pm will be on * The Mountaineering Club are going to do a 26 Mile Climb on 21 April! be the first game of Agent X (a.k.a. paranoia 6) Once dead the victim must hand over all donation of food (replacing entry fee) After 10.30pm £1 from every ticket sold for Rubix * During the week there will be opportunitys to volunteer down in town! or killer) to be run by the USSU for RAG HIT Cards he posses. will be donated to Hope & Aid Direct. week. You take the role of an assassin who 7) Once dead the victim identifies the HIT * A food & toiletries collection point will be set up through out the week (Monday 12th- Please donate generously! All money/food/toiletries donated Friday 16th March) in USSU reception, along with a display about Hope & Aid Direct. will spend a week and a half locating, tracking card of who he was hunting to the person are all going to a fantastic cause! and eliminating targets, with the ultimate goal who killed him. (No tins or glass jars please. Please ensure all goods are in sealed packaging & are Agent X of becoming the best assassin on campus. 8) If you are dead, thanks for taking part. But beware because the hunter is also the 9) If you alive at the end of the game please Incoming Transmission… are the assassin who eliminates the most hunted. report to Chancellors at 14:00 23/3/07 Time: 10:28 terrorists before the end date of the 23/3/07. Entrance fee will be £2.50 where all money Validation Code: RAG007 This is like no mission you have undertaken made (apart from prize money) will be given NB: You can only eliminate the person on Message: Confirmed Local Heroes before, be prepared. Report to The Operator to RAG Charities. your HIT card, so if an assassin bungles an Target: Agent X between 10:00 - 12:00 14/3/07 in safe house attempt, you cannot fight back, you can only So hopefully by now we have convinced you take part in with life- limited children- that is, children or young people identified as being at moderate to high risk of bowel cancer. Good Morning Agent, code name Chancellors for your first The rules of the game run and hide to fight another day. RAG week and raise some money for charity! You may who are not expected to reach the age of 19 because of GUTS also contributes financially to Bowel Cancer Research As of this morning the rouge organisation assignment. are as follows; If you want to get involved in the game you however still be deciding which charity to nominate. illnesses that are incurable. CHASE has a hospice based at University of Surrey. known as ‘Nighthawk’ has infiltrated the The Operator can do one of three things; While there are loads of national or inter-national charities in Artington & also provides support for Children & their operations of MI6 and special branch. Prime Transmission End… 1) Have Fun. Play with Honour as all money 1) Go to the Union Shop and buy an AGENT you could choose, here is some brief information on some families in their own homes. The Fountain Centre: ministerial clearance has been authorised to goes to charity. X ticket. Here the Union Shop will ask for very worthy local charities. You can get more information on use deadly force in eliminating these rouge Welcome students to the Game, this will 2) The game officially starts at 12:00 14/3/07 some personal details that will be used in the the great Worl d Wide Web & these are but a small selection Others include: The Fountain Centre at St. Luke’s Cancer Centre (based at agents. You will be paid a cash bounty if you and ends at 12:00 23/3/07, the winner will Game. of charitable organisations you could help: Children/ young people: Royal Surrey County Hospital) is a holistic complementary be announced on stage in RUBIX on the last 2) Fill out the Application form in the Disability Challengers: An organisation which provides therapy and information facility. St Luke’s Cancer Centre Friday night of term. upcoming barefacts, handing in the required Elderly: leisure activity groups for disabled children & young people serves a population stretching from the outskirts of London 3) The only allowed weapon of choice must details to the barefacts Editor or the USSU Age Concern: at specially equipped play centres. to the southern coast. be water based; water sponge, water pistol, Secretary Jacque in the Union. You will need The Surrey division works across the county to provide water balloon, bucket of water etc. NO real to bring £2.50 to the briefing on the 14/3/07 support and activities to pensioners. The charity works The Sunflower Trust: Community: or plastic weapons are to be used. 3) Email your details to [email protected] to ensure that elderly people are not left isolated in their The trust provides children with learning & behavioural 4) Each agent must report to Chancellors at with an attached photo that clearly identifies homes. Your money will go towards helping them maintain difficulties with their holistic ‘sunflower therapy’. The trust Guildford Action for Community Care: sign-in between 10:00 - 12:00 on the 14/3/07. your face. The following details are required: their home visitor’s service, transport & a programme of has helped thousands of children with Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, The organisations provide support for families on low There they will be given a card with the Code Name: events such as healthy walks, classes and social trips out. ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome & Autism. incomes & young parents who live in the borough of details of their first target, known as a HIT Real Name: Guildford. Guildford Action has a drop in Centre in Guildford Card. Campus Address: Medical: GUTS Against Cancer: (Guildford & also runs other projects, such as a furniture recycling & 5) Killing occurs when the hunter soaks his Course Undetected Tumour Screening) delivery project. victim with water, once done the hunter You will need to bring £2.50 to the briefing CHASE Hospice Care for Children: GUTS provides a screening and counselling programme at shows the victim his HIT Card to prove that on the 14/3/07 CHASE Hospice care for Children exists to support families Royal Surrey County Hospital for people who have been the victim was the right target. The Operator sophfacts 12 March 2007 PUZZLES 15 Brought to you by our very own Puzzlelord, Colin Everett, what would you ever do without his masterful puzzle skills? Answers for the pseudoku can be found on Page 20... along with a Wimbledon Word Search!

Chancellors Cocktail Night The Big Frickin’ Maze P S E Open Mic 6pm in RUBIX U Night D O K U

Crossword Clues Across: 28) Duration of term in power. (5) 7) and 24down. US Vice President at the time of the Apollo 11 lunar mission. (5, 5) Clues Down: 8) Ovens you might need to install if listen- 1) The study of the eyes and associated ing to Money For Nothing by Dire Straits. disorders. (9) (9) 2) Male descendent worth a thousand? 10) One half of the performing double act (Cryptic) (8) behing sketches involving Mastermind and 3) African country from which myriad fork ‘andles. (6) princes and government officials need my 11) Small cup of verrrry strong coffee. (8) help extracting vast amounts of money. (7) 12) Capital city of this year’s hosts of the 4) Having three legs. (8) Eurovision Song Contest. (8) 5) Young owls (6) 13) Short line; sprint. (4) 6) and 21. Stop going backwards, salty! A 15) South American river; workshy womble. huge arse! (Cryptic) (5, 6) (7) 9) Gas hidden in fine onyx. (Cryptic) (4) 17) How well pasta should be cooked. (2, 5) 14) The study of word origins. (9) 20) Biblical character, slain by Cain. (4) 16) Large crack in a glacier. (8) 22) Someone with whom you were once 18) Speeches delivered at funerals. (8) romantically involved. (3, 5) 19) Alternative name for Sirius, brightest 25) BBC2 quizshow featuring a bunch of star in the night sky. (3, 4) smug gits showing off how much they know. 21) See 6 down. (8) 23) Capital city of Qatar. (4) 26) What Brian was reluctant to do for a beard in The Life Of Brian. (6) 27) The day of the week on which New Year’s Day 2014 will fall. (9) Send your submissions to: sophfacts 12 March 2007 BAREARTS Arts Editors 17 Patrick Hunter & Jake South [email protected] The Best barea ts The Noisettes Lily Allen Singles Sister Rosetta Shame For You / Alfie Maxïmo Park The Great Awakening (Capture The Spirit) EMI Warp Records The Early Years Universal The spectacular Lily Allen is back with Beggars Banquet a double A-Side ‘Shame For You’ and It’s funny how things can change around in I love this band. A strong, female lead- ‘Alfie’. ‘Shame For You’ is lazy, brassy, and music. Look at The Zutons, once seen as poor This EP, the follow-up to last singer is always a plus, and twinned with a has a little squelchy bit in which is great. imitators trailing in the wake of The Coral but year’s underappreciated punchy, energy-filled band, The Noisettes ‘Alfie’ – a song about her brother doing now by far the bigger of the two. So it is with self-titled album by this are sure to go far. Includes classic guitar all sort of naughty things – is a bit like a Maxïmo Park (that’s said ‘Max Emo Park’, umlaut bunch of London post- solo, a head-wobbling bridge and a children’s theme tune on drugs. A little bit, fans). When they emerged in 2004 they initially rockers, starts with a bang. head-moshing chorus. Result. Fisher Price, a little bit trippy and a very nice drum looked like a cash in on The Futureheads, but “Say What I Want To” sounds Patrick Hunter beat make ‘Alfie’ a better choice for Side A, you won’t find anyone saying that for much like it actually is carved 5/5 but then what do I know! It’s up to you Lily longer. out of rock, equipped Patrick Hunter, 5/5 The reason? Our Earthly Pleasures is a superb second album, taking everything that with booming baritone their debut did best and taking it further to extremes. The explosion of energy in vocals (think Neil Hannon WOLF & CUB single “Our Velocity” is an early sign of what’s to come, newly bouncy keyboards minus foppishness) sitting This Mess set against a fast paced rant with added crunch. There’s a similar winning balance atop guitars that churn Electralane 4AD between angst and fun throughout. The lyrics are even smarter and more evocative and echo way off into the To The East than before too, from “Books From Boxes”’ ‘Night falls and towns become circuit distance, and a chorus Too Pure Wolf & Cub’s ‘adrenalised, darkly psychedelic boards’ to the way that they sign off with a sigh in the album’s final line: ‘The tiny that will practically knock you off your feet. Pleasures don’t come much more and powerfully infectious’ sound bears a slight The first single to be released veins in your back, they remind me of the way that porcelain cracks’. Indeed, the monolithic, and as such it’s a bit of a disappointment when the rest of the EP turns resemblance to Franz Ferdinand, Bloc Party, and from Electrelane’s debut album (as closing two tracks have a decent stab at repeating the experimental, desperate out to be nothing like it. Instead we get some pretty but inessential drones, initially other disco-rock type bands. ‘This Mess’ has a reviewed in this issue) is as close to atmospherics of A Certain Trigger mega-highlight “Acrobat”. with breathy harmonies but culminating in an instrumental which could pass for one good sound and an energy that suggests it would Arcade Fire as you can get without In summary, it’s great enough that even singer Paul Smith’s current misguided of Sigur Ros or Radiohead’s most narcoleptic moments. Still, that first song comes be good live. Hasn’t quite got the excitement of actually being Arcade Fire. A little baseball cap/mullet combo (which draws even more attention to his receding very heavily recommended. other music around at the moment, but there’s bit amateur-sounding, it’s also a hairline than his previous combover did…) shouldn’t hold them back now. still a place for Wolf & Cub in the home. tad boring. Just imagine Arcade Fire but 4/5 3.5/5 without the energy, and you’re there. Iain Forrester Iain Forrester Patrick Hunter Patrick Hunter Worst 3.5/5 2/5 The Horrors that watching him jolting about from one side of The Virgin Megastores Oxford St. - the stage to the next; smashing the mic around Performance/Signing above his head was just plain amusement. I am OOM THE BEES March 5th 2007 a fan of the Horrors music, I find it exciting and Dead Analogue Octopus energetic music that’s a bit of a laugh, yet due Series 8 Virgin Records Monday 5th of March started off to the way Faris was behaving on stage I found another week for the inhabitants of earth; the show more of a joke than anything else. Who calls their band Oom?! What a flippin’ fabulous name! I wish I as called Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah The Bees. The however it also was the day the Horrors debut During the performance of 5 songs, he threw the Oom… band who brought us Chicken Payback and album, “Strange House”, became available mic stand with the mic attached into the crowd Dead Analogue is the debut, yes DEBUT album from Brighton-based ‘Oom’ (tee Horseman are back with an excitingly titled for purchase. To celebrate this release, the several times, before the entire band excluding hee). They’ve supported British Sea Power and Electrelane and Zane Lowe likes them album: ‘Octopus’. band was scheduled to perform a special the drummer disappeared into the black sea of (why doesn’t he just MARRY them then. Within seconds you know you’re listening to gig at the huge Virgin Megastores on Oxford fans, creating a mess of noise as the guitar was So who are Oom? Hailed as a ‘glitch-rock’ band (which I can totally understand) Bees – The distorted and slide bluesy guitars just Street, before signing copies of the new dragged along. This was then followed by the they combine female vocals from Debbie Clare (worked with Massive Attack) with shout “YOU’RE LISTENING TO THE BEES”, and the album for fans. However this show wasn’t a organist pretending to be a bat by spreading his noisy guitars, broken electronics and dirty synths. We’re essentially talking Aphex Twin, very simple drum fills and Only Fools And Horses straight forward drill, in order to gain entry arms out and holding a cape! Side-splitting. It is no Mogwai, Massive Attack, Bjork, all in a Jacuzzi connected to a giant BRAIN which has vocals make opening track ‘Who Cares What The Question Is?’ a Bees classic. to the performance you needed to obtain secret that this type of thing happens regularly at dreamed up the concept of Oom. I jolly love that name. ‘Love In The Harbour’ has fantastic close harmonies and tambourine/harmonica a wristband, of which you could pick at the gigs but this was insane! The impression I got from Worryingly sounding a little bit concept-is-better-than-the-real-thing-ish, I started goodness that remind you of childhood days on the farm, playing in the river… ‘Got store from 9 o’clock in the morning. Despite this particular performance was that the band’s to panic – I went into a cold sweat and had to sit down. But actually, it’s only that To Let Go’ is particularly funky and has an organ and brass section (which is always the palaver of having to head to and fro main intention was to impress the audience of music I’ve heard like this in the past has ended up sounding very deflated and a very lovely indeed)… and new single ‘Left Foot Stepdown’ is a bit ska, bit Beatles-y London, this was certainly worth the trouble. 16/17 year olds by being super cool and crazy, little bit crap. – everything you’d expect in a Bees single. The Horrors are a strange band to say instead of with their music. Oom’s music is better than this. Mainly slow, heavy and dirty, Dead Analogue is After even just one listen, I already think this has more potential than either of the least, their music has a thrash, garage, old This is not to say that I did not enjoy the Horrors, the kind of album you’d only put on at night… down a dark alley… whilst being their previous attempts – there’s something a lot more interesting and comfortable rock feel to it of which is appealing to those it was brilliant entertainment and with more and followed by a strange man with an axe… ‘Paranoia’ is a haunting, breathy, bassy about ‘Octopus’. who enjoy this music, however it walks hand more bands heading in this direction of outlandish track with smooth synths with a gentle guitar meandering over the top, while ‘Broken If you haven’t yet tasted the Bees’ honey (yeah check out that metaphor) then I came to realise that the average age of the 200 odd in hand with the image the band depicts. performance it is clearly something that the fans Toy’ has an glitchy ostinato with a very broken, Aphex you’ll certainly be wanting to before the Summer comes around. Track 7: ‘(This Is people there was about 16/17. Brilliant. So, after quarter The image I am talking about being the epitome of the are loving more and more. I did not stay for the signing, Twin feel. For) The Better Days’ has a cowbell which is a post-spring instrument if there ever of an hour of feeling extremely cool surrounded by indie/emo scene, and undoubtedly a massive part of as I realised that I am not in year 10, however watch this To be honest, most of the tracks are very similar, but was one. I always feel that there’s a bit of Beta Band in the Bees, and Octopus hyper active nippers, the Horrors appeared and wasted the bands popularity. Therefore you can imagine the space for an interview with the Horrors themselves over if you’re into glitchy electro-rock, then go investigate doesn’t go against this theory. Slightly off-beat, very clever writing, and pretty catchy none seconds. kind of crowd the Horrors attracted; at about 20 past 6 the next few weeks. Oom – they have got a flippin’ awesome name… too. I would give ‘Octopus’ a thumbs up, and I’ve just noticed a Jews Harp in ‘The Blasting straight into the second track of their the basement of Virgin was a sea of black fabrics and Ocularist’ which is very cool indeed. album, “Count in Fives”, the crowd went mental instantly skinny jeans. This unnerved me slightly as I arrived in my Jake South 3/5 but this didn’t compare to the actions of Faris Rotter navy H&M hood, blue jeans and white trainers, however Patrick Hunter Patrick Hunter (lead vocalist). His movements were so ridiculously mad this un-comfortable feeling was about to get worse as [email protected] 4.5/5 “joshfacts sophfacts 18 BAREARTS 12 March 2007 12 March 2007 SOCIETIES & MISC. 19 The Arcade Fire Charlotte Hatherley Neon Bible The Deep Blue Sonovox Little Sister Records

‘Neon Bible’ is never going to match the beauty and ingenuity of ‘Funeral’ I hear Charlotte’s involvement with rock/pop maestros Ash in the second half of the nineties you all thinking. Yes. All of you. Even you. And you may be right. Arcade Fire have saw Miss Hatherley propelled to ‘uber-cool indie pin-up princess’ status. During the won the hearts of thousands, possibly millions of people (including me) with their recording of band’s last album she simultaneously began work on a solo project – fantastic songwriting and amazing live shows – can their next album live up to its and the ensuing cult success of debut offering “Grey Will Fade” showed there’s more predecessor? And so the story begins. beneath the surface to Chaz than her slick rock chick stylings. Deciding to split from We get off to a blinding start with ‘Black Mirror’: A breathtaking opener with clear the Ash boys for good, the result is sophomore album “The Deep Blue”, which sees parallels to ‘Rebellion (Lies)’. A spine-tingling string section and delicate piano riff Hatherley expand her horizons beyond the spiky, punky pop showcased on her last provide a entrancing work of splendor. record. Having also ditched her record label, the musical journey this time around ‘Keep The Car Running’ takes the album into the slightly more upbeat ‘rock-pop’ is far more personal and emotional. Away from the infectious choruses of singles realm which is by no means a criticism. This lasts for merely one song, and then “Behave” and “I Want You To Know”, and the blistering juggernaut of driving guitars ‘Neon Bible’ appears. Short at just over 2 minutes, slower and quite repetitive, this on “Very Young”, the album veers into a dreamy world of lush arrangements and may be considered too different at this stage in proceedings? Absolutely not. Fits wistful melodies. “The Deep Blue” features a rich, retro-tinged sound that has bags in perfectly ‘Intervention’ features a fantastic church organ that hammers away all of character. Other highlights on the album include the fragile, intricate slow-burner through the track, complimenting the perfectly flowing structure of the song itself - “Dawn Treader”, ‘Black Wave’ feels a bit more raw and empty, but still has the charm of its peers – and “Again”, a it’s just like a mini-ballad – something The Arcade Fire have no difficulty in producing reflective tale of to an excellent standard. The mid-album, more chilled-out ‘Ocean Of Noise’, will sorrow and regret make a lot of people cry – it’s just one of those songs. But fear not tear-allergees in which Charlotte – We’re back to the Arcade Fire upbeat sound with ‘The Well And The Lighthouse’, bears her poetic and (Antichrist Television Blues) – just plain brilliant AF brilliance. soul to the world. ‘Windowsill’ slows it down once again – a great, soothing masterpiece, produced The intermittently to perfection by the group. ‘No Cars Go’, whilst penultimate track (and current wandering nature of single) ‘No Cars Go’ is like the final song in a film, when all the credits are scrolling – it this album certainly makes you feel very satisfied, and you know that when you get home you can have won’t be for everyone a nice cup of tea. It just oozes optimism and fun. ‘Neon Bible’ ends with ‘My Body Is – but for those willing A Cage’ – Another song with an organ – powerful, slow with a sense of finality. Just to give it time, this is all round good. one of those albums [email protected] I didn’t mean to describe each track, and I really don’t think I’ve done ‘Neon Bible’ that gives you the justice it deserves. If you loved Funeral and are expecting another offering the something new to on same, don’t. There’s a possibility of disappointment, but if you go where Arcade Fire latch onto with every take you, you’ll get far more than you thought. I didn’t want to give this album 5/5 listen. but I have to. It’s very, very good. 5/5 4/5 | Jason Reed Patrick Hunter

Electrelane No Shouts, No Calls Going Public? Too Pure Take a guess at how many albums this band have Thursday 22 March and Friday 23 March at 7.30pm released… ’No shouts, No calls’ will be their fourth. Going Public II - Final Year Degree Shows Then, I ask myself the question: why have I not heard of them before? There are two possible answers for Dance students at the University of this, one: I’m not a hardcore indie obsessive, or two: Surrey invite you to see a wide range of they are an American band only really venturing to new works, some witty, fun, celebratory, the UK now. The choice as they say, is yours. After to or event AGM notification of article, society’s Submit your others poignant, thought-provoking popping the CD into my trusty laptop, the first band Societies Editor Tyler, Eleanor and innovative. These Degree and End- that came to mind was Arcade Fire. Sure enough after a little investigation using the of-Year shows have proved so popular wonder that is google, it turns out that they are the main support act for them on their that even with two performances they tour. From older bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s to newer ones such as The Gossip, sell-out, so please book early to avoid it seems that finally we are making a little space in our musical hearts for female led disappointment. Come and support bands, and about time to! your final years! Electrelane have produced an album that, unlike others in my record collection, Tickets: £6 full/senior citizens, is quite soothing and uplifting. It doesn’t make me want to dance around like a £3 (concessions) maniac, but, it does manage to put a smile on my face and leave me with a Available from the Box Office, sense of well-being. I would almost say it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but I think Senate House, University of Surrey that may be going a little too far. There a few tracks that break this mould though, Tel: (01483) 686876 namely track 7 ‘Between the Wolf and the Dog’ and track 9 ‘Five’, and funnily enough We look forward to seeing you there! I like these tracks the best. Dawn Threadkill, Sophie Scowen, Jo If you like Arcade Fire you’ll no doubt love Electrelane, I personally like both bands, Read, Naldine Taylor-Lewis, Emma but don’t full-blown worship them. Sherborne, Katie Rushworth, Derya Ozbasmaci and Sarah Smith. 3/5 | Rachael Fitz-Patrick “joshfacts sophfacts 20 MISC. 12 March 2007 12 March 2007 SPORT 21 deceive you. For the first time this year, here are some of Stuck with the Pseudoku on Page 20? Your eyes do not Pseudoku Answers those answers you’ve been looking for... Old Boys Sunk BY SPADE line. UNLUCKY! The students were starved University Of Surrey Students 1sts of possession throughout the VS University of Surrey Old Boys match which meant some big defence by players such as And so the time had come for the annual reunion between Charles, Spade, and Oleg. With past Surrey Rugby players and the mighty youth of Surrey’s a game of few line-outs and current rugby teams. The day was chosen as the 4th of March many scrums, the main way for and it fell on what was one of the wettest days of the year, a the students to receive the ball day that had also been preceded by weeks of torrential rain. was through turnovers, this was Every player from both sides, besides feeling hung-over from possible due to the students the annual dinner/drunken dance was worried that the match fitness, we were able to get to may be called off. Then the news came from the UniSport the rucks first. On the stroke grounds-men that the match would not be able to be played of half time there was also an didn’t score. on any of the Varsity Pitches! However, thanks to local rugby incident where Spade, attempting to counter ruck Old Boy In the closing minutes the Old Boys had a scrum 5 metres side Stoke Park, we were allowed to use their pitches, so the Jason Munday was hit with a head butt to the face and a big out. In the most important scrum of the game that was match could take place. It was one of the muddiest games I evil stare in what is meant to be a friendly game, or perhaps proceeded by AJ getting cramp/having a bit of a rest, the Old have ever played in, we even had to compare three pitches to the big man lost his bumbling coordination and fell forward Boys drove the students scrum forward as they had done all decide which one was the least soggy. In the end we decided from his body weight using Spade’s nose as a steady post. day, with a last second attempt to stop the pushover try, the to play on the pitch lowest down, don’t ask why - rugby Either way this meant Spade had to play the rest of the match students twisted the scrum and forced the scrum half to pick players etc. with a blooded nose and a tissue shoved up his nostrils from and go. Great work from the flankers and scrum half Ceri So after weeks of taunting friends who were playing on the very helpful woman’s rugby player Verity, but also to held the try up and turned the ball over. The ball was hoofed Random Wordsearch the opposition’s side, mainly via facebook, the match began. Spade’s disgust Munday was substituted off at half time, so he away, and the game was saved. The taunting saw a new found anger in former Surrey fly half couldn’t get his revenge. There’s always next year. After the final whistle it was all handshakes and hugs Kenny from all the bullying. In the early stages, after two After a the break substitutions occurred, and with Warwick between good friends as in the end both sides are equivalently years out of the game via injury, Old Boy Animal made an moving to loose head the students scrum became stronger in the same team. The speeches at the bar were made and impact…by dropping the ball. Yet this didn’t stop the Old and even in one case turned over the Old Boys’ scrum. This the ‘muppet’ (ed - sorry) of the day went to Shaggy, whilst the Boys sticking to their plan of mauling, keeping it tight, and gave more ball to the students and enabled them to punch Man of the Match went to Animal, who put in a great effort in pick and drives. Yet with a quick turnover whilst being pegged holes into the tired defence of the Old Boys. A tactic of the his come back match after what has been a very depressing back in our own 22, clean breaks were able to be made by students all day was to take quick-tap penalties from every two and a half years out injured. A special Mention must Simon, Ceri and in particular Baby Frag. The Laziness or last place on the pitch in order to wear down the Old Boys’ be given to Gabriel who turned up in a white tracksuit that nights effects were shown by the Old Boys who didn’t chase defence, and receiving a penalty only 10 metres out from the ended up being very brown, then bless only lasted 30 seconds back, and an early try by Angus finishing off a Baby Frag break Old Boys line, this was no different. Only one phase was before the Old Boys messed up his pretty face and he had to put the students into the lead. required for Oleg to skip through the retreating Old Boys’ go to hospital, welcome to the game. Finally the Old Boys Alan Later, once again the Old Boys kept to their game plan of defence to score what became the winning try. Haggar Cup was presented to the students captain Maximus, dominance in the scrum, and with a pack nearly twice as heavy Later in the game with the pressure on and with only who had some fighting talk stating: “ I hope to continue my as the current Uni team, they eventually got the ball back minutes remaining, irrational defensive kicks gave plenty of hold onto this cup when I play for the Old Boys next year” into the students 22. This was followed by a typical dummy possession to Old Boys full back Athers and to prop - turned Yeah he wishes. and step by Old Boy fly half Kenny who skipped through the number 8 - turned winger - Shaggy. Shaggy (and I have been students defence to bring the scores level. Yet with all the told to give special attention to this from his Old Boy team In Memory of Alan Haggar fuss of moving grounds no-one had brought a kicking tee, or mate AJ) squandered at least two chances throughout the maybe Kenny just couldn’t be bothered to get one. Kenny game, including one, where being about 5 metres out he attempted to convert his own try via a drop kick, but the ball decided the best option for his near 20 stone battering ram [email protected] hardly bounced in the mud and rolled harmlessly over the try rugby body would be to kick through. They subsequently Question Third Former winners of the Men’s and HEWITT Here are the answers to last week’s Questions, only one person was successful in all the …answer these new tricky sporting questions, and receive exclusive Women’s SIngles titles at Wimbledon. HINGIS answers, that person being Pete (no surname given). Congratulations to him, he wins exclusive ipod accessories for all correct answers IVANISEVIC ipod accessories. AGASSI KODES Name the only player to have played in the Manchester, Merseyside, and Old Firm derbies? Which team spent months on top of their league last season, but ended up bottom, and this ASHE KRAJICEK Answer = ANDRE KANCHELSKIS (played for Manchester United, Everton and Rangers) season spent weeks at the bottom, but are now odds on to finish top? BECKER MAURESMO Name one (possibly the only) player to have won the Champions League, UEFA Cup, FA Which team reached the FA Cup Final at Wembley, even though they lost a game in an BORG MCENROE Cup, and Premier League? (question provided by P.Gomez) Answer = NWANKWO KANU earlier round in the same season? (That game not being abandoned or replayed) CASH NOVOTNA (Arsenal Ajax and Inter are the teams he won with) Out of the 92 top teams, whose ground is at the highest altitude? CONNORS SAMPRAS Which is the only team in the Football League where it is impossible to ‘fill in’ any of the What is the ‘perfect score’ in a game of Ten Pin Bowling? DAVENPORT SHARAPOVA letters? Answer = HULL CITY (cannot colour in any of that) What is the highest-achievable break in snooker? EDBERG STICH Who was the first German born man to win Wimbledon? Answer = JOHN MCENROE FEDERER WILLIAMS (yes – slightly tricky, but the Mac was born in Germany) Send your answers to [email protected] ... good luck!! GRAF “joshfacts sophfacts 22 SPORT 12 March 2007 12 March 2007 SPORT 23 barefacts Sport - Bringing the Heat! PRESS RELEASE Guildford Heat Tickets Football Talk Guildford Heat continue BY MATT CHEETHAM points, yes EIGHTEEN points by the FA for fielding a player their unbeaten run... SPORTS EDITOR that didn’t gain international clearance. This whole story is Tickets are on sale outrageous. Jermaine Darlington was playing for Cardiff, got Guildford, Surrey, March 4th 2007: The Poujoulat Heat, Guildford NOW from the WELCOME TO THE final Football Talk of the term. A frantic injured, effectively retired, began playing non league, felt he remained on course for the BBL League Championship with a Students fortnight has seen disappointment for Arsenal fans. The could compete again and immediately AFC stepped in to snap close fought victory away against local rivals London United Gunners lost three games in a row for the first time in over him up. AFC got docked the points because they did not winning 88-81 Union Shop four years. Their defeat to Blackburn has certainly opened up declare (tick a box) that he had previously been registered After a close opening half, in which the home side led 46-44 Price: £5 the FA Cup. Two of Blackburn, Manchester City, Watford and with a foreign governing body. However that foreign at half time, the Heat enjoyed a 12-2 burst at the start of the Includes free return Plymouth are guaranteed semi-final berths. By the time you governing body is the Welsh FA, and his team Cardiff play in third quarter to take the score out to 50-56 in their favour, and bus travel to the read this, the Champions League will be down to eight teams, the English league!! maintained that lead at 57-63 going into the final stanza. all English teams are in with a fantastic chance of making the The full story is beginning to appear across main tabloids, In the final period, the Heat once again extended their lead at Spectrum Arena from Quarter-finals. How good would it be for the English game AFC are appealing and many MPs are signing a petition. AC the start of the quarter thanks to a 11-4 tear, which gave them Uni or town centre to have four of the last eight teams in the hat? Manchester Milan bring the game into chaos, bribe referees, get docked a 75-62 advantage. With just under 8 minutes to play the Heat United are now firm favourites for the Premiership title a mere eight points, Rotherham also bring the game into were hit by a devastating blow as influential point guard Brian after their victory at Anfield. It’s now only 3 defeats in 15 trouble by entering administration, they lose ten points, the Dux was called for his 5th foul, with the ball not in play, hence Next home games: for United at Liverpool’s home. Finally, West Ham provided ‘Crazy Gang’ don’t tick a box, and lose EIGHTEEN POINTS!! ending his participation in the game. As the Heat regrouped spectators with one of the games of the season against Spurs, Ironically AFC Wimbledon are at the top (at time of press) the game even more would be criminal for fans. West Ham London valiantly attempted to get themselves back into the only for the result to go horribly wrong for the Hammers. of their league, and would probably gain promotion to the Sunday 18th March verses Tottenham recently saw the ball in play merely twenty game, and an 8-0 burst midway through the period trimmed the I’ve continually doubted the fact they would be relegated Vauxhall Conference South, but thanks to the FA this is now Worcester Wolves minutes of the first half. Having more stoppages in play deficit to eight points at 76-68. The Heat were able to maintain this season, but surely now it has become too much of a unlikely. Mind you, fans shouldn’t be surprised; this is the for replays (many of which are far from conclusive) would this lead until a disputed refereeing decision caused uproar with Tip-Off 3pm desperate situation for West Ham to get out of, at least their same FA that moved the ‘Dons to Milton Keynes, leaving its damage the game. Would every team have to have this? the 100 plus traveling Heat support and the Heat bench which fans saw fight in their team against Tottenham. loyal fans behind. Then made those fans watch their newly Were Manchester United to play Boston in the cup, would ended in the Heat getting a technical foul. Following this the formed AFC Wimbledon (complete with Wimbledon’s past Wednesday 4th April Boston have to fork out financially and install the equipment? home side were able to close the game to 3 points at 84-81 Response - so basically Wimbledon with an AFC in front) start a good I feel moving football away from simplicity, the games we play before the Heat were able to secure the victory from the foul- Chester Jets Not so many Arsenal fans continued the debate that they nine divisions below where Wimbledon was originally placed Picture courtesy of Andy Bowler in the park, is wrong. There are many examples of technology line and a steal from Dan Wardrope. United star Tarik Johnson Tip-Off 7.30pm should be ranked as highly as Liverpool or Manchester in the league. All this being whilst the hated franchise, MK working; certainly in cricket and rugby (though I am very led all scorers with 27 points for London, while Daniel Gilbert United. Winning the Champions League and then a few Dons, sat pretty in Wimbledon’s rightful position (well, abused that in the cold light of day I will see the game for what it was much against the calls for LBW appeals to get have replays in once again led the Heat again scoring 25 points for the 3rd time seasons of domestic dominance is probably required first. it by getting relegated a couple of times) Someone explain another great win for my side.” cricket). Controversy gives us talking points. What is your in 3 games. Dave Mallon on his Heat debut showed signs of Sunday 8th April However with the crop of youngsters coming through this to me the fairness of this saga? The Heat return home to the Guildford Spectrum Sunday opinion, I know there is a lot of divide in this debate? why he had been signed with a great dunk, 2 block shots and London United could be a reality for the Gunners in a few years time. In 11th March when they take on the Leicester Riders, tip off at numerous rebounds. Tip-Off 3pm response to the ‘Big team/Small team’ debate, a few thought If you enjoy reading and writing into Football Talk, then I’m 3.00 pm Tickets can be purchased from the Box Office on Race for the Premiership Heat Scorers: Gilbert 25, Dux 16. Williams 15 Premiership status makes any side big, regardless of heritage now on GU2 with presenter Barny Leavers. He has a sports 01483 443333 or online at www.guildfordheat.com. and attendance. Whereas some (possibly Southampton At time of press I feel eight teams could feasibly gain promotion show every Monday 3-4 and Thursday 2-3 that I now join him Before that the Heat travel to Plymouth next Saturday night to the Premiership. Derby, West Brom, Birmingham, Paul James, Heat Head Coach, incensed with the refereeing Sunday 16th April fans?) thought; were a team like Portsmouth to play Leeds on and talk over all things sport. Any call ups, emails or MSN to take on the Raiders in a crucial game. The Heat are yet to Sunderland, Preston, Cardiff, Wolves and Southampton have decisions in the final period commented, ‘We had worked hard Playoff Game or Nottingham Forest, Pompey would be the favourite, but chats into the show would be well received and discussed win in Plymouth this season and a defeat would dent the teams barely any points separating them. I have a lot of respect for during the game to establish a winning lead but it seemed that would also be the smaller team due to attendance (on the on air. title aspirations. If fans wish to support the team on their crucial (See: www.guildfordheat.com) the job Roy Keane has done at Sunderland. He took over with the referees wanted to make a close game of it. I am sure day I presume - not on average) and the prestigious heritage away games contact the club on 01483 454005. of the opponent. the team bottom and has taken his team right up the league. Keep your responses to these topics and any topics you want I feel it works in two ways, changing over time. If you look He did have a good squad that simply needed motivating, but brought up in future columns coming in, as well as any sports at the tables now, sides will be considered big in relation to he has certainly done that, and has made some astute buys. related articles to [email protected] their position on the ladder. Yes there are ‘sleeping giants’, His transfers have mainly been Irish players, he also has three BBL League Table Competition but in the present time, they are sleeping, and not as big as Trinidadian internationals and many English players. This tactic the current top flight teams. To look at periods of two to of employing countrymen together seems to be effective, all To win one of five Guildford Heat t-shirts simply complete this about five years you can determine a big team in that period these nations are obviously English speaking as well, and Keane ATTENTION! clearly believes in team morale and communication being high. sentence. “Guildford Heat are so hot…” simply referring to League positions. For example; Bolton All Sports Teams! have been a big team in the last three years (top eight three I would enjoy seeing him in the Premiership, especially going This fortnights winner is Laurent whose phrase was... seasons running) regardless of heritage and attendance, from up to Old Trafford. Sunderland have most of their remaining ‘Guildford Heat are so hot they set the 2004/5 they are a certainly a current big side. However if games against the top twelve sides so they will have a big say After Easter there will be a court ablaze when they step on it’ you freeze time, and look back on every year of football, you in promotion. I feel the Black Cats, along with Birmingham special barefacts Sport Issue... can rank just how big sides are overall by total silverware, and West Brom, due to their recent experience in the top Keep your phrases coming in for a chance to win another t- years of dominance and attendances by simply adding up the flight, have the advantage over the others. Who can you see shirt! stats. This can determine the ‘giants’ who may or may not be going up? We want to review as many currently ‘big’. So Bolton are currently a big side, but not an teams’ performances as possible! overall giant as of yet. FA, well done Where Cardiff promoted next season, could the presence Over Easter please send in your Goal line Technology of a Welsh team in the Premiership reignite to argument to Are you for or against? Goal line cameras, video replays? bring Celtic and Rangers to the Premiership? Personally I team’s review of the year This debate has been raging since 1966 and has recently feel they, along with the Welsh sides should remain in their (300-500 words) to: www.guildfordheat.com resurfaced. My own opinion is that you should leave it how own leagues, except maybe for a cup? Anyway, my topic here www.ussu.co.uk/heat it is. Controversy makes football what it is, you get some is AFC Wimbledon. The team, who are basically Wimbledon decisions, you have some go against you. I feel breaking up (they have won the rights for the Womble’s history against [email protected] the Milton Keynes Dons) recently got docked eighteen “joshfacts 24 SPORT 12 March 2007 The most succesful Sports Team at Surrey…

BY GAV The following morning saw the long and tortuous series at the halfway point, the reigning champs stormed to triples match. A cracking hangover for all concerned and a 985. Was it enough however - well, wait for it…wait for it - it Surrey Bowlers Beat the Odds and Storm malfunctioning lane every five minutes did not help anyone as was! To the victor the spoils as Surrey took the silverware to a Third Successive BUSA Championship Surrey just about kept pace with Nottingham. For the afternoon home once more. saw a game of five and a singles match, with Matt Gear putting Unfortunately ten pin bowling does not get the respect it LADIES AND GENTLEMEN may I present to you the best sports club in very good performance in the singles, demolishing his deserves; it truly is a game of stamina. I put it to you to try of this University’s generation - the University of Surrey’s Ten Nottingham counterpart. This set up a rollercoaster finish as and play 9 games of bowling in 24 hours and consistently hit Pin Bowling Team. Fact. After a truly remarkable weekend of the Nottingham team and the boys went into the last match the same score, let alone 200. bowling action, the Surrey boys came back from the death to about Even Stephens. However, ladies and gentlemen, this was Unfortunately despite to my knowledge being the only BUSA seize the silverware for the third successive year. the moment where the collapse started. Out of the corners champions, let alone three time consecutive champions the The BUSA weekend saw a shaky start with many of the B of their eyes the team could see Nottingham build up a hefty club seem destined to lose out at the best team at Colours team squad rolling around in a pool of bottles of wine at 5.30 lead with our own bowlers in somewhat of a crisis. Nottinham to ‘best team in limited competition’ award as demonstrated in the morning – with an 8am departure time for the minibus; finished their last game before Surrey with a final game score over the last two years. Why this is the case is beyond me; this was looking unlikely for some. However, Dave Kendall of well over a thousand pins (an average of over 200 per there is not a single club in this university that comes close stormed to the rescue by picking up the alcoholic bums who man). Six frames in and Surrey were in turmoil. They had to to touching the success we have had…. had missed the bus and by 9am they were steaming up to match Nottinghams score – which meant none of them could Special mention to Mark ‘Jolly’ Rodgers whose tireless Nottingham. afford to miss a pin. At this stage the easiest thing would have support and shot per turkey drinking kept us all amused! And Upon arrival and meeting up with the rest of the squad been to lay down and die – but that was never the Surrey to Ashley Turner who unfortunately could not make it…. early indications were good – the quiz machine was loving way. Martin Neczaj led the charge with a strike that stemmed If you want to have a go at a bit of bowling and too be a us. “Catchphrase” glimmered brightly as it lined our pockets a round of X’s as the Surrey boys roared ‘NO we will not champion, head down to Woking bowl every Wednesday at with gold…first blood to the Surrey boys! After an hour of go quietly into the night….’ (Ah good old Bill Pullman). For 3.30pm. messing around trying to conquer the pool challenge from the remaining two frames the heroes pulled together hell set by Peter Chasmer the first pairs match began (to as the pins went tumbling. Come the last frame all men give you background – six in a team, first day three pairs needed at least a strike on their first. Chris Manders, matches are played). A solid start was then made…at the the Great Britain captain, led the way, Neczaj chipped bar. I wont lie to you, I’m not sure what happened on the in, the resoundingly impressive Alex Thistleton, who had lanes…balls were bowled, tensions were high, stuff happened. been a rock all weekend, hit three strikes with aplomb. After all was said and done, by the end of the first day the Dave Kendall put pay to his pins and it all came down A team hit a good total to leave themselves within touching to the ever reliable Rob Kendall – the pressure on this distance of the leaders Nottingham. At this stage .many of the mans shoulders truly immense. The crowd waited with B team…and one heroic member of the A team (who shall baited breath – you could literally here a pin drop!! In remain nameless), were well on the way to sampling the local true champion fashion, a perfect bowl steamed down brew, as we left for the evenings festivities. No one can or the alley and set the pins flying – as if there was ever will confirm or deny the events of that evening. any doubt! From staring down the barrel with a 600 Surrey Sport in action! Photographs courtesy of Naveed Barakzai/Maxal Photography These photos are available to download online at www.maxal.co.uk/unis If your team would like to be photographed please email details to [email protected] Many more photos to come in the issue after Easter thanks to Nav A polite notice

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