- 1 - TO THE TUNE OF AULD LANG SYNE Here comes the jackpot question in (by Richard Lewis) advance What are you doing New Year’s, New We sang together ev'ry week Year’s Eve We sang while others stopped We shared our love and memories - o - And sang until we dropped. The night they invented We sang the songs of yesteryear champagne We brought a lot of cheer It's plain as it could be, And hopefully things will They thought of you and me improve The night they invented For ev'ryone next year champagne They absolutely knew We'll sing along each Thursday That all we'd want to do night Is fly to the sky on champagne With Andrew, Tom and Fay And shout to everyone in sight We'll join in all the songs we love That since the world began, 'Til we all meet up one day. No woman and a man Have never been as happy as we are tonight

NYE MEDLEY - o -

Maybe it’s much to early in the Champagne Charlie is my name game Champagne Charlie is my name Ah, but I thought I’d ask you just There's no drink as good as fizz, the same fizz, fizz What are you doing New Year’s, New I'll drink every drop there is, is, Year’s Eve is Wonder whose arms will hold you All round town it is the same good and tight By Pop! Pop! Pop! I rose to fame When it’s exactly twelve o’clock at I'm the idol of the barmaids night Champagne Charlie is my name. Welcoming in the New Year’s, New Year’s Eve. - o -

Maybe I’m crazy to suppose Be our guest! Be our guest! I’d never be the one you chose Put our service to the test Out of the thousand invitations Tie your napkin 'round your neck, you’ll receive cherie And we'll provide the rest Ah, but in case I stand one little Soup du jour, Hot hors d’oeuvres, chance Why, we only live to serve

- 2 - Try the grey stuff - It’s delicious Oh I'll take the high road and Don't believe me? Ask the dishes you'll take the low road, They can sing, they can dance And I'll be in Scotland afore ye; After all, Miss, this is France But me and my true love will And a dinner here is never second never meet again best On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Go on, unfold your menu Loch Lomond. Take a glance and then you'll Be our guest, be our guest - o - Be our guest … please be our guest Hark when the night is falling Hear! hear the pipes are calling,

Loudly and proudly calling, Down through the glen. SCOTTISH MEDLEY There where the hills are sleeping, Roamin’ in the gloamin’ on the Now feel the blood a-leaping, bonnie banks o’ Clyde. High as the spirits of the old Roamin’ in the gloamin’ wae my Highland men. lassie by my side. When the sun has gone to rest, Towering in gallant fame, That’s the time that we love best. Scotland my mountain hame, O, it’s lovely roamin’ in the High may your proud standards, gloamin’. Gloriously wave, - o - Land of my high endeavour, Land of the shining river, I love a lassie, a bonnie bonnie Land of my heart for ever, lassie, Scotland the brave. She's as pure as a lily in the dell, - o - She's sweet as the heather, the I just got back from the Isle of bonnie bloomin' heather, Skye Mary, my Scots bluebell. I'm not very big and I'm awfully - o - shy The ladies shout as I go by By yon bonnie banks and by yon “Donald where's your troosers?” bonnie braes, Let the winds blow high, Where the sun shines bright on Let the winds blow low, Loch Lomond. Through the streets in my kilt I Where me and my true love will go never meet again All the ladies say “Hello, On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Donald where's your troosers?” Loch Lomond.

- 3 - SING-A-LONG MEDLEY (PART 1) I'm singin' in the rain, Just singin’ in the rain. Leaning on a lamp, maybe you What a glorious feeling, think I look a tramp, I'm happy again. Or you may think I'm hanging I'm laughing at clouds so dark up round to steal a car; above, But no, I'm not a crook, The sun's in my heart and I'm And if you think that's what I ready for love. look I'll tell you why I'm here and Let the stormy clouds chase what my motives are. Ev'ryone from the place. Come on with the rain, I'm leaning on a lamp-post at the I've a smile on my face. corner of the street I'll walk down the lane In case a certain little lady With a happy refrain, comes by. And singin', just singin' in the Oh me, oh my, I hope the little rain. lady comes by. I don't know if she'll get away, - o - She doesn't always get away, But anyway I know that she'll try. Underneath the arches Oh me, oh my, I hope the little We dream our dreams away. lady comes by. Underneath the arches On cobblestone we lay. There's no other girl I could wait Ev'ry night you'll find us for, Tired out and worn. But this one I'd break any date Happy when the daylight comes for, creeping I won't have to ask what she's late Heralding the dawn. for, She'd never leave me flat, Sleeping when it's raining She's not a girl like that, And sleeping when it's fine. I hear the trains rattling by She's absolutely wonderful and above. marvelous and beautiful, Pavement is our pillow no matter And anyone can understand why where we stray. I'm leaning on a lamp-post at the Underneath the arches we dream corner of the street our dreams away. In case a certain little lady comes by. - o -

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- 4 - She's my lady love, she is my dove, And I know my luck is rollin', my baby love, When I'm strollin', with the one I She's no gal for sittin' down to love. dream, She's the only queen Laguna - o - knows; I know she likes me, I'd like to get you on a slow boat I know she likes me to China, Because she says so; All to myself, alone. She is my Lily of Laguna, Get you and keep you in my arms She is my Lily and my Rose. evermore, Leave all your lovers weeping on - o - the faraway shore. Out on the briny with a moon big Oh! We ain't got a barrel of money, and shiny, Maybe we're ragged and funny Melting your heart of stone, But we'll travel along, singin' a I'd like to get you on a slow boat song, side by side. to China, Don't know what's comin’ tomorrow, All to myself alone. Maybe it's trouble and sorrow, But we'll travel the road, sharin' - o - our load, side by side. Gee! It's great, after bein' out late, Thru all kinds of weather what if Walkin' my baby back home. the sky should fall? Arm in arm, over meadow and farm, Just as long as we're together, Walkin' my baby back home. It doesn't matter at all. We go along harmonisin' a song, When they'll all had their Or I'm reciting a poem, quarrels and parted, Owls go by, and they give me the We'll be the same as we started, eye, Just trav'lin' along, singin' a Walkin' my baby back home. song, side by side. We stop for a while, she gives me - o - to park, And snuggles her head to my Strollin', just strollin', chest. In the cool of the evening air, We start in to pet, and that's when I don't envy the rich in their I get automobiles, Her talcum all over my vest. For a motor car is phoney, After I kinda straighten my tie, I'd rather have shanks's pony She has to borrow my comb. One kiss, then I continue again, When I'm strollin', just strollin', Walkin' by baby back home. With the light of the moon above, Ev'ry night I go out strollin', - o - - 5 - Grab your coat and get your hat, You are my honey, honeysuckle, I Leave your worry on the doorstep, am the bee, Just direct your feet to the sunny I'd like to sip the honey sweet side of the street. from those red lips, you see, Can't you hear a pitter-pat? I love you dearly, dearly, and I And that happy tune is your step, want you to love me, Life can be so sweet on the sunny You are my honey, honeysuckle, I side of the street. am the bee. I used to walk in the shade with those blues on parade. - o - But I'm not afraid this Rover crossed over. On Mother Kelly's doorstep, down If I never have a cent I'll be rich Paradise Row, as Rockefella, I'd sit along o' Nelly, and she'd sit Gold dust at my feet along o' Joe. On the sunny side of the street. She'd got a little hole in her frock, a hole in her shoe, - o - A hole in her sock, where her toe peep'd through, Oh! You beautiful doll, But Nelly was the smartest down You great big beautiful doll. our alley. Let me put my arms about you I could never live without you, On Mother Kelly's doorstep, I'm Oh! You beautiful doll, wondering now You great big beautiful doll. If li'l gal Nelly remembers Joe, If you ever leave me how my heart her beau, will ache, And does she love me like she I want to hug you, but I fear you'd used to, break. On Mother Kelly's doorstep, down Oh, oh, oh, oh, Paradise Row. Oh, you beautiful doll. - o - - o - By the light of the silvery moon, Shine on, shine on harvest moon I want to spoon, up in the sky, To my honey I'll croon love's tune. I ain't had no lovin' since Honey moon, keep a shining in January, February, June or July. June, Snow time ain't no time to stay Your silv'ry beams will bring outdoors and spoon, love's dream, So shine on, shine on harvest We'll be cuddling soon, moon, for me and my gal. By the silvery moon.

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- 6 - You made me love you Hello, Dolly, well, hello Dolly, I didn't wanna do it, It's so nice to have you back I didn't wanna do it, where you belong. You made me want you, You're looking swell, Dolly, And all the time I knew, We can tell, Dolly, I guess I always knew it, You're still glowin', You made me happy sometimes You’re still crowin', You made me glad. You're still goin' strong. But there were times dear, We feel the room swayin', You made me feel so bad. For the band's playin' One of your old fav'rite songs You made me sigh for, from way back when. I didn't wanna tell you, Take her wrap, fellas, I didn't wanna tell you. Find her an empty lap, fellas, I want some love that's true, Dolly'll never go away again! Yes I do, 'deed I do, you know I do. Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, what - o - I cry for, You know you got the brand of What good is sitting alone in kisses that I'd die for, your room? You know you made me love you. Come hear the music play. Life is a Cabaret, old chum, - o - Come to the Cabaret. Put down the knitting, We were sailing along on The book and the broom. moonlight bay, Time for a holiday. We could hear the voices ringing, Life is Cabaret, old chum, They seemed to say: Come to the Cabaret. “You have stolen my heart, Now don't go 'way!” Come taste the wine, As we sang love's old sweet song Come hear the band. on moonlight bay. Come blow your horn, - o - Start celebrating; Right this way, Me and my shadow strolling down Your table's waiting the avenue. Me and my shadow not a soul to No use permitting some prophet of tell our troubles to. doom And when it's twelve o'clock, To wipe every smile away. We climb the stair. Come hear the music play. We never knock for nobody's there; Life is a Cabaret, old chum, Just me and my shadow, Only a Cabaret, old chum, All alone and feeling blue. And I love a Cabaret!

- o - - 7 - SITCOM THEME MEDLEY The holiday rock, Hi-de-hi-de-hi, ho-de-ho-de-ho, Meet the gang 'cause the boys are Go go go do the holiday rock. here - The boys to entertain you. I said Hi-de-Hi (Ho-de-Ho) With music and laughter to help I said Hi-de-Hi (Ho-de-Ho) you on your way - I said Hi-de-Hi (Ho-de-Ho) To raising the rafters with a hey I said Hi-de-Hi (Ho-de-Ho) hey-hey! Hi-de-hi-de-hi, ho-de-ho-de-ho, With songs and sketches and jokes Go go go do the holiday rock. old and new - With us about you won't feel blue! - o - So meet the gang 'cause the boys What'll I do when you are far are here - away and I am blue? The boys to entertain you! What'll I do? B-O, B-O-Y-S - boys to entertain you! What'll I do when I am wond'ring - o - who is kissing you? What'll I do? Who do you think you are kidding What'll I do with just a Mister Hitler, photograph If you think we're on the run? To tell my troubles to? We are the boys who will stop When I'm alone with only dreams your little game, of you We are the boys who will make you That won't come true, What'll I do? think again. 'Cause who do you think you are - o - kidding Mister Hitler, The sound of hoof beats 'cross the If you think old England's done? glade, Good folk, lock up your son and Mister Brown goes off to town on daughter. the eight twenty-one, Beware the deadly flashing blade, But he comes home each evening Unless you want to end up shorter. and he's ready with his gun. So who do you think you are Black Adder, Black Adder! kidding Mister Hitler, He rides a pitch black steed. If you think old England's done? Black Adder, Black Adder! - o - He's very bad indeed.

If you’ve got the blues, - o - I’ve got some news, Join in the fun in your blue suede shoes, And do the holiday rock,

- 8 - They say I might as well face the Stick a pony in me pocket truth. I'll fetch the suitcase from the That I'm just too long in the van tooth. Cause if you want the best 'uns I've started to deteriorate And you don't ask questions And now I've passed my own sell-by Then brother I'm your man date. Where it all comes from is a mystery Oh I am no spring chicken it's It's like the changing of the true. seasons snd the tides of the I have to pop my teeth in to chew. sea And my old knees have started to But here’s the one thats driving knock. me berserk: I've just got too many miles on the Why do only fools and horses clock. work? So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, set in La la la la la - la la la la la my ways. La la la la la - la la la la la It's true my body as seen better days. We've got some half priced cracked But give me half a chance and I ice can still misbehave. And miles and miles of carpet One foot in the grave. tiles TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie - o - LP's Pool games, gold chains, wosnames It's cold outside, there's no kind and at a push of atmosphere, Some Trevor Francis track-suits I'm all alone, more or less. From a mush in Shepherds Bush, Let me fly, far away from here, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Fun, fun, fun, Bush, Bush, Bush In the sun, sun, sun.

No income tax, no VAT I want to lie, shipwrecked and No money back, no guarantee comatose, Black or white, rich or broke Drinking fresh, mango juice, We'll cut prices at a stroke Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes, God bless Hooky Street Fun, fun, fun, Viva Hooky Street In the sun, sun, sun, Long live Hooky Street - o - C'est magnifique Hooky Street Magnifique Hooky Street

- 9 - ABBA MEDLEY - o -

My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon did Gimme gimme gimme a man after surrender, midnight Oh yeah, and I have met my Won't somebody help me chase the destiny in quite a sim’lar way shadows away The history book on the shelf, Gimme gimme gimme a man after It’s always repeating itself midnight Take me through the darkness to Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the break of the day the war Waterloo - Promise to love you for - o - ever more Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I I've been cheated by you since I wanted to don't know when Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to So I made up my mind, it must come be with you to an end Wa, wa, wa, wa, waterloo - Finally Look at me now, will I ever learn? facing my Waterloo I don't know how but I suddenly lose control - o - There's a fire within my soul Just one look and I can hear a So when you're near me, darling bell ring can't you hear me, S. O. S. One more look and I forget The love you gave me, nothing else everything, w-o-o-o-oh can save me, S. O. S. When you're gone, Mamma mia, here I go again How can I even try to go on? My my, how can I resist you? When you're gone, Mamma mia, does it show again? Though I try how can I carry on? My my, just how much I've missed you - o - Yes, I've been brokenhearted Blue since the day we parted Tonight the Super Trouper lights Why, why did I ever let you go? are gonna find me, Mamma mia, now I really know, Shining like the sun, My my, I could never let you go. Smiling, having fun, Feeling like a number one - o - Tonight the Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me I work all night, I work all day, But I won't feel blue, to pay the bills I have to pay Like I always do, Ain't it sad 'Cause somewhere in the crowd And still there never seems to be there's you. a single penny left for me

- 10 - That's too bad [REPEAT CHORUS] In my dreams I have a plan If I got me a wealthy man - o - I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball... So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing Money, money, money Thanks for all the joy they're Must be funny bringing In the rich man's world Who can live without it, I ask in Money, money, money all honesty Always sunny What would life be? In the rich man's world Without a song or a dance what Aha-ahaaa are we? All the things I could do So I say thank you for the music If I had a little money For giving it to me It's a rich man's world So I say thank you for the music For giving it to me - o -

You can dance, you can jive, Having the time of your life Those magnificent men See that girl, watch that scene, In their flying machines Digging the Dancing Queen They go up-tiddly-up-up They go down-tiddly-down-down Friday night and the lights are They enchant all the ladies low And steal all the scenes Looking out for the place to go With their up-tiddly-up-up Where they play the right music, And their down-tiddly-down-down getting in the swing Up, down, flying around You come in to look for a king Looping the loop and defying the Anybody could be that guy ground Night is young and the music's They're all frightfully keen high Those magnificent men in their With a bit of rock music, flying machines everything is fine You're in the mood for a dance They can fly upside down with And when you get the chance... their feet in the air They don't think of danger, they You are the Dancing Queen, really don't care Young and sweet, only seventeen Newton would think he had made a Dancing Queen, mistake Feel the beat from the tambourine, To see those young men and the oh yeah, chances they take

- 11 - COCKNEY KNEES UP MEDLEY I've got a loverly bunch of cocoanuts, The sun as got his hat on Every ball you throw will make me hip-hip-hip-hooray! rich. The sun has got his hat on, There stands me wife, the idol of and he's coming out today. me life Now we'll all be happy, Singing roll or bowl a ball hip-hip-hip-hooray! a penny a pitch. The sun has got his hat on, and he's coming out today. Singing roll or bowl a ball a penny a pitch. He’s been roasting peanuts out in Singing roll or bowl a ball Timbuctoo a penny a pitch. Now he's coming back to do the Roll or bowl a ball, same to you. Roll or bowl a ball, Jump into your sunbath Singing roll or bowl a ball hip-hip-hip-hooray! a penny a pitch. The sun has got his hat on, and he's coming out today. - o -

- o - Oh, what a beauty! I've never seen one as big as that before! Yes! We have no bananas Oh, what a beauty! It must be two We have no bananas today. foot long or even more. We've string beans and HONions, Such a lovely colour, so nice and cabBAHges and scallions round and fat; And all kinds of fruit and say, I never thought a marrow could We have an old fashioned toMAHto grow as big as that. Long island poTAHto Oh, what a beauty - I've never seen But yes! we have no bananas one as big as that before. We have no bananas today. - o - - o - Boiled beef and carrots, I've got a loverly bunch of Boiled beef and carrots. cocoanuts, That's the stuff for your There they are a standing in a 'darby-kel' row. Makes you fat and it keeps you Big ones, small ones, some as big well as your head. Don't live like vegetarians, on “Give 'em a twist, a flick of the food they give to parrots. wrist”, From morn till night, blow out That's what the showman said. your kite on Boiled beef and carrots.

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Any old iron, any old iron, There is a tavern in the town, in Any, any, any old iron the town, You look neat, talk about a treat, And there my dear love sits him You look a dapper from your down, sits him down napper to your feet. And drinks his wine 'mid laughter Dressed in style, with a brand new free, tile, And never, never thinks of me. And your father's old green tie on. An' I wouldn't give you tuppence Fare thee well, for I must leave for your old watch chain, thee, Old iron, old iron! Do not let the parting grieve thee, - o - And remember that the best of friends must part, must part I like pickled onions, I like piccalilli, Adieu, adieu, kind friends, adieu, Pickled cabbage is all right adieu, adieu, With a bit of cold meat on a I can no longer stay with you, Sunday night, stay with you, I can go tomatoes, but what I do I'll hang my harp on a weeping prefer willow tree, Is a little bit of cucum, cucum, And may the world go well with cucum, thee. A little bit of cucumber. - o - - o - Heads, shoulders, knees and toes, She'll be coming 'round the Knees and toes. mountain when she comes, Heads, shoulders, knees and toes, She'll be coming 'round the Knees and toes. mountain when she comes, Eyes and ears and mouth and nose. She'll be coming 'round the Heads, shoulders, knees and toes, mountain, Knees and toes. Coming 'round the mountain, Coming 'round the mountain - o - when she comes.

Singing eye-ye-yi-pi-yi-pi-yie, Singing eye-ye-yi-pi-yi-pi-yie, Singing eye-ye-yi-pi, eye-ye-yi-pi, Eye-ye-yi-pi-yi-pi-yie.

- 13 - You put your left leg in, Knees up Mother Brown! Your left leg out. Knees up Mother Brown! In, out, in, out and shake it all Come along dearie, let it go! about. Ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-oh! You do the Hokey Kokey and you It’s yer blooming birthday turn around. Let’s wake up all the town! That’s what it’s all about. So, knees up, knees up! Oh! The Hokey Kokey! (x3) Don’t get the breeze up Knees bend, arm stretch, ra ra ra! Knees up Mother Brown.

[REPEAT ETC] Oh, my, what a rotten song. What a rotten song, what a rotten - o - song. Oh, my, what a rotten song I’ve just been to a “ding-dong” And what a rotten singer too! down dear old Brixton way, Old Mother Brown the Pearly - o - Queen’s a hundred years today; Oh! What a celebration! Was proper Roll out the barrel lah-di-dah! We'll have a barrel of fun. Until they roll’d the carpet up Roll out the barrel and shouted “Nah then, Ma!” We've got the blues on the run. Zing! Boom! Ta-rar-rel! Knees up Mother Brown! Ring out a song of good cheer. Knees up Mother Brown! Now's the time to roll the barrel Under the table you must go For the gang's all here. Ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-oh! If I catch you bending [REPEAT] I’ll saw your leg right off. So, knees up, knees up! Don’t get the breeze up Knees up Mother Brown. CARRADINE’S COCKNEY Joe brought his concertina, and SING-A-LONG’S Nobby brought the beer, DEBUT ALBUM And all the little nippers swung upon the chandelier! “LIVE AT THE BULL & GATE” A black-out warden passin’ yell’d, “Ma, pull down that blind, NOW AVAILABLE TO DOWNLOAD Just look at what you’re showin’“ FROM ALL MAJOR DIGITAL STORES and we shouted “Never mind!”

- 14 - AULD LANG SYNE Then the busy years went rushing by us Should auld acquaintance be We lost our starry notions on the forgot, way And never brought to mind? If by chance I'd see you in the Should auld acquaintance be tavern forgot, We'd smile at one another and we'd And auld lang syne! say

For auld lang syne, my dear, [REPEAT CHORUS] For auld lang syne. We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, Just tonight I stood before the For auld lang syne. tavern Nothing seemed the way it used to [REPEAT CHORUS] be In the glass I saw a strange reflection Was that lonely woman really me

THOSE WERE THE DAYS [REPEAT CHORUS]

Once upon a time there was a Through the door there came tavern familiar laughter Where we used to raise a glass or I saw your face and heard you two call my name Remember how we laughed away the Oh my friend we're older but no hours wiser And dreamed of all the great For in our hearts the dreams are things we would do still the same

Those were the days my friend [REPEAT CHORUS] We thought they'd never end We'd sing and dance forever and a day We'd live the life we choose We'd fight and never lose For we were young and sure to have our way. La la la la la la la La la la la la la la Those were the day, oh, yes those were the days

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