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"the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 4 news Thursday March 28,1991 All that is ugly about Wilfrid Laurier University

ceedingly nasty there's just too turbingly like a piece of shoe- taking it out of his mouth Comment by Mark Hand person while on riculum because and your daily rounds. This is particu- damn many people in the pro- rubber in a Food Services crois- seeing it was a piece of some- larly true with a lot of WLU staff, gramme, it sort of says something sant recently. This might just be one's shoe was border-line ugly, SUPPOSED to PM be writing who seem to think they're doing ugly about the student-professor bad instead of truly ugly, but the of course, it might just have been about the part ugly of WLU here. you a favour when they process ratio. look of someone chewing and a chunk of spatula, but can we be I'll try to keep short, it but no your transcripts or give you your We found what looked dis- chewing on something, and then sure? guarantees. tax receipt or make you a club The Aird Do I really Building. sandwich, instead of just doing have to elaborate? By far the best their job. advertisement for a summer sub- I won't even mention how the And all about smoking, too let I've ever seen was the one last way staff and volunteers get year which said: "House to sub- even still, revenue is up, treated at WLUSU and WLUSP booze. But and the smok- let. Close to WLU. Aird Building Comment by Woody Von Hammer by the hired and elected officials, ing section is almost always full. That's enough not within sight." Ah, wit. although guess I just did. Per- evidence to convince me. Although it's not built yet, I I haps I'm just a little bitter about IN OLDEN times, it used to be you could go any- have some misgivings about the being hired for a full-time job and where to suck on a puff-stick, but in these days of The Bad: If you smoke, it's a real pain to have to go new Bricker Avenue residence. I then afterwards being told that it second-hand smoke and health consciousness, into Wilf's or pop outside, especially in the winter. mean, its design was approved by might just be part-time. Not ex- smoking has rapidly gone on a decline. Around That's about all the bad stuff I can think of, but the "WLU Aesthetics Com- same actly a good way to treat people, I Laurier, it shows. since according to past WLUSU President A 1 approved mittee" who the Aird should think. On campus the only place where you can legal- Strathdee "smokers have no rights", I guess it Building. I have this terrible ly smoke is in Wilf's or the Turret, or for the truly doesn't really matter anyway. "Let the dumb suspicion that the current con- Tuition and all the cor- priviledged, the faculty lounge. Of course, this bastards freeze" seems to be the popular opinion. struction phase will be prettier responding hidden costs of educa- doesn't mean that you don't see plumes of smoke than the final look. tion can get pretty ugly, too. But wafting out from under the closed doors of some The Ugly: Apart from the ugliness inside of a At the risk of harping on the for the most part, that's pretty professors' offices, but we won't mention that. The smoker's lungs, the left-over butts strewn about the ugliness of the buildings here, I'll universal as far as universities go. TV Lounge in the S.U.B. has been off limits since ground are none too pretty, especially this time of venture one more jab at the ar- But when the school Bookstore January last year, about the same time that provin- year when the snow's melted and the remains of chitecture of WLU, and I will won't sell a cassette of music re- cial legislation preventing smoking in the work- winter cancer-victims decorate our already homely corded by students unless they keep it brief. Granted all the place came into being. campus. On a nicer note, at least cleaning the mess can cut a profit, even when buildings here are hideous, but What has resulted is an interesting phenomenon up provides summer jobs for students with Physical businesses in the community are couldn't they at least pick one whereby smoking falls under all three of our focal Plant and Planning. doing it, it's rather indicative of ugly motif and stick with it? At points: the good, the bad and the ugly. At the risk of getting shut down for excessive the ugly side of capitalism in least then the uniformity of ugli- the flem-globbers from what should ideally be a service grossness, smoke-singed ness might be tolerable, as op- The Good: Non-smokers aren't forced to die of can found littering oriented place. throats which be the sidewalks posed to the variety of ugliness lung cancer. Oxygen and clean air reign supreme like tiny green landmines and sticking to the soles we have now. Class sizes, which three years once again, and second-hand smoke is no longer of your shoes making icky squelching noises when Getting away from the ar- ago were supposed to be among forced into the lungs of non-smokers. you walk might fit into the ugly category too. chitecture, one of the ugliest the smallest and most intimate in Arguably more important, Wilfs now does a Sorry, it had to be said. things around here is the way any university have somehow thriving business from smokers looking for a place And when you're up at the Turret and some people sometimes treat other bloated to ugly proportions. to give themselves a fatal illness. Of course, since a joker marches by with a cigar making you choke people. Although most people are When the history department large pack of cigarettes now costs in excess of six with the oppresiveness of the stench, it's rather ugly nice enough, once and a while drops the mandatory honours dollars (except at gas stations), smokers can only too. Not to mention the looks on your faces when I you might stumble across an ex- thesis from the required cur- afford to buy coffee instead of the more profitable do that Oooh, really ugly.

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Tony Burke aided by the Barrier Free Design Seminary numerous problems. The new on all levels at which it stops. The Centre to ensure accessibility. As an independent building from residence, however, has been steep outside ramp between the WHO SAYS things don't get Unfortunately, changes still had the university, Laurier is under no designed to accommodate hand- CTB and the Peters Building was better? to be made in the past year in- obligation to aid them financially icapped students who wish to live intended for shipping purposes Twenty years ago Judy cluding handicapped washroom to become more accessible. on-campus. and not for wheelchair use. Get- Bruyns, a physically challenged facilities, better signage for the Presently it needs an elevator to ting around campus is improving student, graduated from a Wilfrid washrooms, and accessible routes reach the second floor and an ac- Routes, Parking but the routes are long and often Laurier University unsympathetic and call buttons where doors pose cessible washroom. The single Two flights of stairs make it im- arduous. to her needs. Today, due to her problems. step near the entrance The university hand- way will be possible to travel underground has three efforts in the Special Needs Of- replaced with a graded walk. icapped parking spots — one by The Central Teaching Building from the Central Teaching Build- fice over the past year, changes SUB, by Library, Navigation is not a problem but ing to the Library. The infamous the one the and are finally happening to the one by the Aird Building - the the CTB's elevator requires tac- The Athletic Complex Library lift in the tunnel will have campus to help students with entrance ways to the parking lots tile (or braille) floor indicators. This building is not accessible at specific instructions added and handicaps. do not indicate that the spots are In the twenty years that The university has made a com- all right now, but the university Library staff will be trained in its two available. Bruyns was away from the uni- mitment to equip of the has committed to installing an use; a call box must be installed versity, the only change that has floors with handicapped elevator, improved washroom on the top of the lift to match the Although there is still much to been made is in the attitudes of washrooms within the next five facilities, and widened entrance one at the bottom. The lift in be- be done before WLU is totally ac- society; a necessity before any years. ways within the next five years. tween the Dining Hall and the cessible to the physically chal- cosmetic changes can be done. The Student Union Building Aird Building is a nightmare — it lenged, the efforts of the Special brought The cosmetic changes so far A pioneer in accessibility on The Residences requires assistance from security Needs Office have us are the addition of ramps, campus with its elevator (includ- The current buildings present until call boxes can be installed much closer to that goal. specially-equipped washrooms ing braille floor indicators) and and elevators. With these, Laurier new handicapped washroom. "It's is "chipping away bit by bit" to amazing", Bruyns says. "It's real- make the buildings more acces- ly promoted accessibility on the sible, Bruyns says. But there is eastern side of campus." still a long way to go. Bruyns' department controls a The Peters Building yearly budget of $86,000 which Virtually no barriers except for must go towards educational the ramp linking the Peters Build- tools. The university finances the ing to the first floor of the Arts physical changes to the campus Building. Bruyns says that the ex- with the exception of the Student cessively steep ramp is scheduled Union Building. The Physical to be ripped out and rebuilt as a Accessibility Committee contrib- graded ramp. $50,000 a utes year toward this The Arts Building end. The second floor is totally im- The Special Needs Office, lo- possible for wheelchair students cated opposite the Book Store in to get to due to three steps linking the Concourse, provides an ave- it to the Peters Building. Another nue for physically challenged stu- steep ramp linking the third floor to talk about their needs and dents to the Peters Building also see something get done about presents some difficulty. them. Below is a comprehensive list Library WLU: good illustrating and small the quality of life for The ramps and automated doors handicapped students. Bruyns have made the Library much says"the campus is moderately more accessible. Unfortunately, big brother school. the campus is a gold mine for the accessible and improving" but, as Comment by Norman Wood the onlv handicapped washroom Outside of academics, Laurier student with a craving. There's at this list will show, there is much is on the sixth floor, accessible ONE OF the best things about has much to offer both in spite of least a dozen restaurants within a still to be done. only through the very small Laurier is that it's small. and because of its smallness. On few minutes of WLU, about three Aird Building elevator. The turnstile at the OK, monstrous classes and campus there are two bars which or four late-night doughnut shops, The newest addition to the entrance will also be replaced over-crowding aside, by a stricdy do a thriving business, something half a dozen or more bars, and campus, the Aird Building was soon. geographic point of view, this out of the ordinary for a place the anything else you might need all place is small. One block. But size of this. Our Athletic Com- within walking/staggering/crawl- then again, this is one of the bet- plex is also quite extraordinary, ing distance. ter things about WLU. considering the size of WLU. And there are trees, too. What Small is nice when it means it The immediate area around more could you ask for? only takes a few minutes to walk the length of the campus. Every- thing is close, and although it creates problems for expansion, it does mean that for the lazier among us we aren't too strained by long hikes between classes. We can safely say that there are no horror stories from here like there are from U of T where people have to leave classes or exams half an hour early to ride the TTC to get to their next ap- pointment half an hour late. But there's more to Laurier's geography besides our one city block. One of the greatest assets to WLU as a university is that the University of Waterloo is just down the road. I mean, when you need to research* an essay, how many people really go to our li- brary? We all make the token trip to our quaint little facility, and then march down and get the materials we need from the U of

I W libraries. We also have the advantage Good WLUSU thing: Charity Ball organizers Valerie of being able to cross-register Johnston and Dana Janzen present a cheque for 1900 courses at U of W. When you get clams to K-W Access-Ability. The annual event will frustrated with the limited offer- raise money for a different local charity every year. ings here, you can pick up an in- teresting elective or two from our Small....but growing. Pic: Chico the Man "the cord" - Laurier: the gopd, the bad and the ugly 6 news Thursday March 28,1991 Good: sexual harassment policy at last

Tim Sullivan what cryptic" about who to go to planning of the policy was sity's solicitor making the WLUSU's Vice President Uni- Affairs, when harassment occurs. She said centered on "input, input, input, changes to the policy as re- versity said the process was slow because one LAURIER released the long that a woman should always be from different minds." quested. After each draft the would ex- awaited sexual harassment policy available to go to if sexual harass- The policy was circulated to policy would need approval from pect "such a policy to take a to largely positive reviews. Dated ment occurs. "It's somewhat em- the Faculty Association for input, these segments of the university while." February 12, the policy defines barrassing to talk to (Dean of Stu- as well as to the students and the community. Dr. Joyce Lorimer, President what sexual harassment involves dents, Fred Nichols) about some- staff association, with the univer- J. Tyler Letherland, of the Faculty Association said and the procedure by which it one talking about my breasts. It SEE "HARASSMENT", PAGE 9 will be resolved. would have been nice to have the Many interests were consider- policy around in the summer ed when the policy was for- when I had my complaint" she mulated, according to Laurier's added. Bad or ugly: parking Associate Vice-President: Student The student's advice to the affairs and Personnel Jim Wilgar. administration is to get the policy Comment by Darcelle Hall ing by the library is considered rush? Gypsy caravans taking "It's the type of policy an aca- known to the university com- over overnight parking which is no the seminary parking lot? demic institution should have," munity with seminars to profes- PARKING AT Laurier. These Why longer allowed. Over the course provide a service such as a Wilgar said. "It's important to sors, supervisors and students in three words can ensue hour long 24 of one week I received three tick- hour computer room without have an identified individual as authority, "to let them know what tirades from almost any student ade- ets and a threat that they would quate parking close by for coordinator to assume responsi- is unacceptable behaviour... that a or employee that drives to our those tow my car by 2:00 a.m. (which I that take the 24 hour option bility of the implementation of policy is in place, and to let (these fine campus. While motorists not seriously? the programme, to respond to people) know that the policy is face the daily challenge of find- discovered at 4:00). This is I went to security concerns." not just lip service." ing a parking space within a fif- what I need when my scholastic and demanded that something be After the policy was released, The Woman's Centre Collec- teen minute walk of the school, life is falling apart in front of my done about this problem. After discus- Laurier's President John Weir an- tive also suggests that the policy my parking dilemma happened eyes. When I pursued the matter sion with the head of security nounced that Faculty of Social has some weaknesses. In a writ- long after these frustrated drivers with WLU security I discovered and Dean Nichols, my tickets Work professor Rose Blackmore ten statement commenting on the had returned to their homes to that the only places you can park were annulled. After some initial would assume the position of policy, it said that the policy rest up for the next day's battle. in the very late night hours are -- blame shuffling, both security Sexual Harassment Officer as states that the first course of ac- Picture this it's the end of lots 7 and 12. For those not famil- and Dean Nichols were quite mandated in the policy. tion is for the complainant to ap- winter term and as usual I have iar, these lots are the one behind amiable about cancelling The Sexual Harassment Of- proach the respondent and ask for one week to finish six overdue Bouckaert in the dark depths of my tick- ets. However, my concerns were ficer is responsible for im- the harassment to cease. papers. I move in to one of the 24 the campus, and the lot beside the deeper than my own plementing the policy as the cases "The Collective feels that this hour computer rooms in the li- Peters Building that is the private individual case. I know other people that got arise. puts undue pressure on the com- brary with a couple of my closest domain of bourgeois gold permit tickets at the same time. There is WLUSU's President, Stuart plainant to resolve the issue and fellow procrastinators and a very holders. also little evidence that the rule Lewis, warned that the policy may lead to a further abuse of nice custodial worker named Paul has been changed as a result of must be enforced to be effective. power and an under-reporting of in an attempt to save myself from my complaint. He added that the policy is good sexual harassment. The onus ultimate failure. Although I live As the end of term is upon us in that it defines what activity is should not be placed on the vic- only a short distance from school "bourgeois gold I usually drive my car for both again, the question arises - have ok or not ok. "It governs those tim ... to resolve the situation" permit holders" they changed the rule? While I who cannot govern themselves," that statement said. saftey and snacking reasons. have spent a number of late Lewis said. He added that he Also, the Collective feels that TTie most obvious, and safest hopes the policy will never have the four month limit placed on the place to park when you are using nights in the computer room to be used. complainant to report the incident the library computer rooms is in ticket-free, there is little as- In his ever-going concern for is unfair for students, suggesting the metered spaces right next to Now, go figure -- the com- surance that this could not happen students, Lewis added that stu- that eight months would be better. the library. Year after year I have puter rooms in the library are again. A call placed as I wrote repeated pattern night yet dents should be aware that they "This would allow a student...to this of late open 24 hours for student use, this article confirmed that therule computer use — complete with they want me park behind will be protected by this policy. complete a full year course to has not been altered. Hence, it car, procrastinators and walk through Dr. Weir added that it protects without fear of repercussions be- fellow and Bouckaert the would appear that that I, and Paul. This year however, the year darkest parts of the staff and faculty, as well as stu- fore filing the complaint." It sug- campus in other students of the late night unprecedented safety aware- night to get to dents. gests an eight month limit would of middle of the my computer rooms, remain at the at Laurier, they changed In dissent, a student who rectify the situation. ness the car. I only live five minutes from mercy of WLU security and their rules. Apparently, for the last two campus, I don't drive here be- selective technique of parking wished not to be identified, but Karen Gordon, WLUSU's Ex- years, there has been a regulation cause I'm that lazy. I drive my policy enforcement As I enter the who described herself as a one- ecutive Vice President was against overnight parking on car because at 4:00 a.m. I don't last stretch of my years at Laurier time victim of sexual harassment, responsible for student input into campus except for in specifically want to walk alone at night will I again have to face this grim said the policy came too late for the policy. She said there was designated and isolated areas. What is the administration reality as I attempt to my her. really no room for improvement finish Because I often stay at school afraid of? People arriving at 2:00 last two, only slightly overdue She said the policy is "some- at this time. She noted that the until 3:00 or 4:00 a.m., my park- a.m. to beat the parking spot papers? The computer rooms are get- ting busier as student population It's a New Salon. It's a New Year. increases and end of term pres- sure hits. Students are often So out with the old and in with forced to use the 24 hour com- puter rooms at later hours for space and peace of mind. It is only reasonable, and safety con- scious, to provide late night park- ing spaces next to a building with late night access.

make Laurier a "A 'Head' OF TODAY" safer place to be - Big Free Pre-Spring Consultations please? Here is a cheap and simple way that those concerned with Is there a change in your future plans? Then start improving saftey on campus can start to make the Laurier campus spring off right by letting us give you some friendly a safer place. While whistles and weapons ward off attackers, why not remove the burden on women expert advice! to protect themselves from an ag- gressive attack by providing the to to conditions that make these attacks "At HAIR FX look good is feel good." less likely? A little long-term, thoughtful planning of space and 56 King St.N. (off Princess St.) Waterloo - 725-4321 its utilization might help make Laurier a better place, not to men- tion making the end of term just a little less stressful. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly Thursday March 28,1991 news 7 Good, Bad, and Ugly How WLU stacks up to Western Carolyn Gruske minute walk from the closest building on campus, and because AS ANY professor of English of the layout of the campus, any Literature will tell you, one of the building which you have a class most effective ways of evaluating in is at least another ten minutes a piece of literature is to compare away from that. Of course, it is and contrast it with other works. impossible to get a parking space This is a sound way of determin- in this lot between the hours of ing what is both unique and 7:30 am and 6:00 pm, so that wonderful about the given work forces you to park at one of the and what is commonplace and two other lots. The first one is at shabby about it. This is a wonder- least a fifteen minute walk. It is ful technique to learn because it also constantly filled between the applies to a number of dis- hours of 10:30 am and 1:30 pm, ciplines, and today it will be ap- and it therefore forces you to try plied to yet another one. the last one, which is also Because the focus of this is- downhill and at least a twenty sue is to examine what constitutes minute walk from any building the "good, the bad, and the ugly on campus. at Laurier," this columnist feels While I have heard people a approach to take that valid complain about the parking situa- would be to compare and contrast tion at Laurier, I personally have it with another university. As this Photo: Tom Szeibel never had any problem finding a columnist is and was also a stu- parking spot. The fee that Laurier non-academic issues. On the sur- and they are usually run in such a address the entire community, but dent at that other glorious, purple, undergraduate students pay, face, this does not appear to be fashion as to make as large an im- booked business university, The Univer- it is usually solid months $67.25, is also reasonable. In past the case at Laurier, but the key pact as possible, with each hold- sity of Western Ontario, and in advance to things like plant years the parking fees at Western phrase in this sentence is "on the ing as many events as possible. therefore knows this university and poster sales. The WLU Con- have been between $12 and $14 surface." While there have been Political and ethnic groups seem fairly well, this other institution course is in much the same shape, but every year the Western Stu- many rumours about the policies to take a more active part in daily of higher learning will serve as and people are prevented placing dents' Union approves the re- and actions of the Laurier student affairs at the university as they try the foil for this evaluation of Wil- their soap-box there. allocation of a number of un- government, there has been little to raise their profiles and compete frid Laurier University. In general, the purpose of any dergraduate spaces to faculty and substantiations of these rumours. to put their own causes the begin with, it is necessary in university is to provide op- To staff, an next year, Western stu- This columnist, jaded because of public eye. While this provides to dispel the great myths of the portunities for personal growth. dents are faced with an increase past experiences at Western, the Western students with many two institutes that her highness, Both Laurier and Western pro- of over 500% in their parking wonders if this is because this more opportunities to get in- the wise guru Linda Frum, pre- vide this, but both fail in many fees, an increase that was ap- student government is just luckier volved with some club or cause regards. By the end of four years, sented in her glorious masterpiece proved by the Students' Union than that of Western in that the than the Laurier students have, from of in-depth research. Western is students both institutions (ie, the people that are supposed press has failed to take notice and there are many problems associa- often feel frustrated with more than Centrespot (read: a the edu- to stand up for and support the report some of its goings on. This ted with big clubs. 'Office cation system that requires combination of the Concourse them rights of students.) columnist hopes that this is truly Politics' seems to dominate the to not for enjoy- and the Dining Hall) where Biff work the sheer no the case. business of many of the clubs and ment of working, but and Buffy plant themselves in or- for the all Everybody says that one of there is a lot of animosity be- important mark that will get them der to see and be seen in their the advantages of Laurier is that, tween certain organizations, into graduate school, or into some latest preppy attire, just as Laurier the big difference is being a small university, the stu- which causes a lot of friction on wonderful (and hopefully high is more than just a place that dents have a better opportunity to campus. paying) job. They become frus- serves good cookies to the Busi- that Western is big; get to know their professors and Universities are supposed to trated that not all the people they ness students and the rest of you. -- Laurier is not but they get to experience small- be places that encourage the free meet are interested in sitting up in Remove all these nasty notions that er sizes. The larger student exchange of ideas and the expres- some dark caf6 all night and from your minds before you read is that necessarily class population Western requires a sion of opinion, and that facilitate debating the philosophical ques- the rest of this column. at bad? (or number of professors, and intellectual, rational debate. Both tions of life. What university The greatest difference be- ugly?) larger might not ex- Western and Laurier seem to does, in fact, is force students to tween the two universities is the while the students teaching of every have forgotten this. Western Pres- grow up and enter the adult 'real most obvious one: the physical perience the professor in their department, the ident George Pederson has at- world' where the high ideals of layout and design of the two The student governments of professors are as open as they are tempted to prevent the student knowledge and learning for its campuses. The 1J.W.0. is one of WLU and UWO are interesting to here to students who wish to take picketing of Prof. Rushton's own sake are often scorned and the most beautiful universities in compare. In past years the Stu- an interest in their courses, and courses by threatening to expel where it is not always wise to buildings Ontario. The are a com- dents' Council at Western has their studies. students who do so. Centrespot, speak your opinion. mock Gothic stone bination of been plagued with scandals and Everything is bigger at West- in the U.C.C. (the University University forces many to edifices with high towers, and problems. It has been a circus of ern than it is at Laurier, but this Community Centre, their equiva- give up the quixotic ideals that stained glass windows, and mod- forced resignations, and shabby does not necessarily make every- lent to the 5.U.8.) is the only the young and naive often have, ern cement monstrosities. (The bookkeeping combined with in- thing better. There are many more place for individual students or and in this respect Laurier and buildings just modern ugly serve fighting about taking stands on Clubs and activities, for example, clubs to use when they want to Western both rank high. to accentuate the majesty of the mock Gothic ones) Laurier can't lay claim to anything like this. Besides the fact that the build- ings at Laurier are just plain ugly, and besides the fact that they are not even laid out with any sense It's easy to spot the big movers on of scheme or order, the other In fact, our bright yellow problem with the Laurier colours appear regularly every spring landscape is that there is none. and fall. Here's why. There is a distinct lack of grass Ryder can help with everything and trees and water, and this is from wardrobe cartons to packing just not right. Students need, par- tape, plus 10% discounton local ticularly in the spring, when the and one-way moves upon weather begins to turn warm, presentation of your student card. some place on campus where Our late-model trucks are easy to they can go just get away from drive, and there's plenty of room to the stuffy classes and clear their share with friends. minds of all the clutter that col- For starters, call Ryder now for lects in there. This is a definite our free 28-page movers guide. must. You'll be amazed how educational Despite all this criticism, it is. Laurier's campus does out-rank Western's in one very important RYDER area: parking and traffic. At WE'RE THERE AT EVERY TURN. Western there is a very serious C Ryder Truck RenUl C ana.laLtd. parking problem. The nearest ac- IN WATERLOO CALL: cessible undergraduate student 570-0141 parking lot is a minimum ten "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 8 news Thursday March 28,1991 A somewhat finny story

"WLU: THE Good, The Bad, monotony of thematic overdose. and The Ugly." What a glorious Once upon a time there was topic. fish named Pierre. Pierre was a It means I get to do all very happy fish until one day he through my section what I do was swimming by the First na- best: spout off about the bad and tional River-Bank and saw the the ugly. Unfortunately, that notorious criminal squid Slimy seems to be all everyone else is Sidney streaming away with doing, so it's up to me to come up tentacles full of clams. with the good points. Damn. I Pierre could tell right away guess this one of the sacrifices that something was fishy with the you have to do as editor. whole scene. This made Pierre the halibut. fortunately, although the place them were singing off tuna. But when it comes right down very worried. He knew that as a Knowing that he would need was packed (school just got out), Clearly, they had all been drink- to it, there's pretty slim pickings good citizen he should try to stop kelp with such a tough customer everyone in there was dunkedly ing like fishes. when it comes to finding good the evil squid from robbing the as the squid, Pierre swam as fast reeling around the bar, singing It was up to Pierre. things to write about. So I won't Bank, but he knew how as he could to the local sand-bar, along to popular song Salmon- So Pierre cast off in wet pur- write about our theme at all, I'll dangerous Slimy Sidney could where he knew he could find chanted Evening. They were so suit of the squid, catching up with tell you a story to break up the be. He would just kill Pierre for some brave assistants. Un- under the influence that all of him by the OK coral reef. "All right Sid, put down all those clams," said Pierre, trying to sound a lot braver than he felt. "And no finny stuff." "Ah, fertilize off," said Sid- ney. "These are mine." "You're just trying to bait me, I know you stole those clams." "Yeah, so?" "So, take that!" said Pierre as he charged straight into Sidney, who was knocked back by the im- pact ~ , - ' into the spinning blades of Tl[ i^B'' an outboard motor, getting chopped into slimy squid sushi. Pierre was a hero. Everyone was very happy. "'

: : B

This week's installment of From the Asylum is not our fault. We at the >V' *' 1 \ JB ■HH^^P Cord wash our hands of this whole thing. We wanted to pull the damn thing, but the writer looked so pathetic we didn't have the heart. He tried to be finny, I mean punny, he really did, but didn't quite work out. I 4 ¥ v/\, ~ |Hgr ..fj might be better next week, but 1 trout it. Great Grad Portraits Great Prices jm

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Special to The Cord ministration as excessive butt- to shut up. And that crashed ac- VP: Executive, Karen Gordon The Good: Watson displayed the licking. counting package...oy vey! How The Good: In relation to previous uncanny ability to go through IT'S TIME once again for the The Ugly: His manipulative hard is it to write out cheques by position holders, Gordon has ac- crisis after crisis and emerge...a "WLUSU Report Card". This methods of dealing with the hand? complished a lot. The Board little beaten up but still going time we decided to forego the Board ("I've played the BOD like manual was updated for the first strong. After a shaky start, she grades and let you decide how a violin", he says) and Student VP: University Affairs, J. Tyler time in years and the First Year came out guns a-blazing. they did. Publications show that business Leatherland Council have really made their The Bad: Like Gordon, Watson comes before humanitarianism. The Good: Tyler's a pretty nice presence known (credit must also accomplished little over-all in a WLUSU President, Stuart guy, but it would be nice if he go to Brad Morris). job that has had a history for low Lewis could be in his office before 2 productivity, and needed a lot of VP: Finance, Shafeeq Bhatti The Bad: Gordon proved that ex- The accomplishments in- long-term planning. Good: It is no revelation that The Good: Bhatti is exceptional o'clock. His ecutive restructuring, which clude getting the Fox 40 whistles The Ugly: Hampered by a Lewis has accomplished a lot this at his job when he chooses to do eliminated her position, was a year. expansion plans, the budget to into the Bookstore, the Hal- renegade Board member who With SUB it; has been adhered good thing. She was in her office quality party a successful managed to tear at piece by the of life survey, full quite well this year. loween and a lot, but we're not quite sure her Resources Week. piece to recent Legal - for four months, SUB washroom capabilities for The Bad: Due a slack- why what got done there? it's no handicapped stu- exceedingly The Bad: Leatherland let his de- wonder Watson did little females and off, Bhatti is behind The Ugly: Gordon somehow that dents, ex- partments pretty much run by more executive restructuring in doling out such important forgot to inform the Chief than crisis management. within WLUSU and improved re- penditures as volunteers' themselves and did not keep track Returning Officer that handling That's not an observation about (well, impor- of volunteers, resulting in job lations between WLUSU and the honouraria it's very moder- the Senate elections was also part her performance, but it ate disarray. administration Lewis can give tant to us). departmental of her job; the Senate election it- certainly was ugly. himself a firm pat on the back. The Ugly: He was elected as a The Ugly: The Operation Out- self was fraught with problems The Bad: Lewis is infamous for BOD member for next year. reach co-ordinator never showed (see last week's editorial). breaking WLUSU by-laws at his Bhatti still has a lot to learn about up for workall year yet he did not The WLUSU Board of Direc- convenience (example: appoint- separating personal feelings from replace her. tors ing a member to the Senate in- doing his job, not to mention how VP: Student Activities, Jeff The Good: Attendance was quite stead of by election); some may to control himself during Board VP: Marketing, Brian Cornwall Huffman good this year for most Board see his relationship with the ad- meetings when the chair tells him The Good: Cornwall is The Good: The first Charity Ball members and, to look at bulk out- responsible for the Union's to come to fruition was handled put, a lot was accomplished by spanking-new glitzy image (in- virtually problem-free; in fact, WLUSU as a whole this year. cluding the roller skating rink in most events went quite well. The Bad: While some Board the Info Centre, the Union logo The Bad: Once again, credit must members were exceptional at and signs). Promotions for be given elsewhere for successful their duties, many were content to the Harassment! WLUSU events have been quite activities: to Lounge Supervisor do little more than attend good but his volunteers must take Dan Dawson and the Board of BOD meetings, and didn't do a complainant application CONTINUED FROM PAGE 6 makes an the credit for most of their suc- Student Activities. whole lot when they were there. to the Sexual Harassment Officer, The Ugly: Huffman seemed to The Ugly: Their abilty to be led she was "pleased with the out- cess. Cornwall was also involved who in turn, will attempt an in- in executive re-structuring. hinder more than help in realizing around by the OMB (the execu- come. It provides clear guidelines ~ formal mediation. Should the the events Student Activities tive) was disgusting inherent in as to how (people should) con- The Bad: Cornwall is responsible complainant still be dissatisfied planned -- he was often relegated their job is to ensure that these duct themselves." She considered for the Union's spanking glitzy with the result, a formal hearing image. to handling the menial chores jokers don't screw up or cheat the policy to be "fair to the com- is completed. The Cord shutdown also set the plainant The Ugly: Growing ivy on the while his committees handled the and respondent. There is If at any time the matter is tenuous relations between due process for both. It's a useful Union building seemed to take important work. brought to the courts, the hearing precedence with Cornwall; he is WLUSU and WLUSP way back and good policy," she added. (and was a real shitty way to treat is suspended. At any time, the responsible for the Union's WLUSP President, Jana Wat- Dr. Weir said that the policy too). complainant can drop the spanking glitzy image. son people was a while in development be- charges. cause "it went to many groups." The policy states that all hear- As well, the policy "does not ings are held in camera, closed to preclude the matter from going to the public, and records are only the courts." He said "this policy retained if the respondent is formalizes the process." Before FOR guilty. FOOD found the policy was in place, Dr. Weir The committee investigating said, the supervisory structure the matter can impose dis- was the process. One would have ciplinary actions if the respondent THOUGHT to go to one's supervisor to com- is found guilty, including a note plain. on a personnel or academic file, Feed your body while . V The policy in place now calls respondent * recommend the seek y° u feecl y° ur minci - on the complainant to address the counselling, or recommend firing > respondent first. If an un- the respondent. Great Pan Pizza fast. mKHmnnnn TRAVEL CUTS OFFERS YOU A FORMULA YOU'LL BE EAGER TO STUDY K TRAVELCUTS + YOU GREAT SAVINGS sillc So, you thought you'd never use anything you learned in math class. : $5/s4ls3/$4 University Shops Plaza, 170 University Ave. W. 519-886-0400 FOR FOR I OFF OFF i DELIVERY TAKE-OUT J DELIVERY TAKE-OUT I BUY ANY 3 TOPPING MEDIUM ■ BUY A LARGE 3+ TOPPING | SPECIALTY PAN PIZZA AND GET | PAN PIZZA AND GET $3.00 I THE SECOND FOR $5.00 ON ■ OFF DELIVERY OR $4.00 OFF ■ TRAVELCUTS ■ DELIVERY OR $4.00 ON TAKE-OUT ■ TAKE-OUT. I Limited delivery area. Offer expires I Limited delivery area Offer expires ■ May 31,1991. Coupon required ■ May 31,1991. Coupon required. ■ I One coupon per order. Not valid in | One coupon per order Not valid in W\mrwrw<* GoingYourWay! . combination with any other offer _ combination with any other offer. _ }_ jfat* j 745-55-55 jjuffij "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 10 news Thursday March 28, 1991

Buy early and break away for 50% off- of the week.

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The Cord made a boo-boo

LAST WEEK, The Cord in- sinuated that the History depart- ment was slowly in decline. The * made. In ac- Jl§K3 5::: : false impression was .. vN x tuality, all those who were reported have been removed from | j a teaching capacity are being re- placed. Dean of Arts and Science, what Read, said he was con- cerned that a false impression J, was being put across to the stu- dents, that the university is very concerned about its students, and that measures are taken to pro- vide courses to the students. One member of the depart- ment added that what is happen- ing at Laurier, that is, a reduction is courses offered is not unique to Laurier. The person noted that many courses are listed in calendars, but a large percentage Tickets must be purchased of them are not offered. at least 5 days in advance. "LET VIA TAKE YOU AWAY" Seats are limited. Contest -from March 11 to Yes, VIA Rail's 50% student discount applies every April 30,1991. Help pick day of the week, Friday and Sunday included. So why not get away more often? Nothing beats the YOU could win a trip for tWO by train

- train for stretch-out, walk-about comfort there s - for a maximum value of $500

with served most . a new even a light meal beverage on , routes. It's a great place to relax...or even study! person. Just pick Up an Gntry But discount seats are limited, especially on form where you buy your train President busy routes. So be sure to buy your ticket ticket at a VIA Rail Station. And let well in advance. WE MENTIONED before (but VIA take you away on a fantastic this time we were right) that Dr. call a travel agent or via Rail™ for full details. train journey this summer! John Weir is leaving Laurier at * Tick&ts mustbe purchased at l&dst 5 days in l\Jn Oupyi LUto the end of July next year, having advance. • 50% Student discounts apply to full-time no purcnase necessary. uperi suffered though two five year students with I.D. for Coach travel in the Quebec a// full-time students 18 years old • availability ■ . terms as President of the univer- City/Windsor corridor only. Seat is lim- , n i sity. So the task at hand is to find ited and varies depending on the route and day of and Over enrolled in Gf participating a new President. university- Ask for full details and The Presidential Search Com- responsible for periods • A 10% Student discount applies any time conditions at VIA Rail stations. mittee which is regular unrestricted travel (no advance purchase). is for finding Dr. Weir's successor • Other conditions may apply; please check. trying to probe the WLU com- munity in order to get an idea of what sort of President people

want. : -< If you have any ideas or "h vfir-: fh. ; opinions, you can help out. Con- O .HS l 1 1 \ tact Search Committee Secretary Ms. Lee Teeter at WLU extension 2440 for details how. HE3SS9HHI wFWWm msl "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly B Thursday March 28,1991 news 11 Students rate the programmes WITH ALL the programmes of- courses available in history, any- Religion & Culture program has Communications: are downright nice), and really, it fered at WLU, how much do you one at the honours level can attest so much to offer to everyone. Laurier offers its Communication is a very good undergraduate eco- really know about the ones you're to the toughness of this discipline. With a wide range of courses -- Studies students a Bachelor of nomics program. not in? Well, here's you chance It is arguably worse for the facul- from Asian Mysticism to Chris- Arts degree. Basically first year And it's sorta fun to pretend to find out: reviews written by ty. Few additions have been made tianity to Evil and It's Symbols -- involves getting the prerequisites you're in Business instead of an students actually in the pro- to Laurier's crack dinosaur in- all your tastes and interests can be (mostly the "ologies") for second actual social science. grammes. (Apologies to those not spection team this year despite an fulfilled. Though R&C courses and third year like soc., psych., listed, and there are a lot; there increasing number of students. are universally referred to as and even philosophy if you are English: just was not room, so first come The situation led to the elimina- "bird courses" designed to raise twisted enough to stick with it. Although there aren't thousands first served.) tion of a mandatory thesis for your average, the quality of the Second year is when we really get of English majors around there fourth year students starting next material and the teaching has into the good courses; ones that are enough so that you don't feel History: year. One can only hope that the brought many students to switch take in media studies, radio and lonely. In fact, there are more and E. H. Carr once asked, "What is administration will put more em- their major. The choices are ex- television, advertising, public re- more English majors all the time history?" A not-so-famous phasis on this department before pansive and the courses are in- lations, journalism, film studies, and that says something about the Laurier history student answered, it too disappears under the stress triguing. specialized ologies and Englishes. program and faculty. Both are "Damn tough if you're in and becomes a part of the past. Music: pretty good. honours." Religion & Culture: Hard and stressful best describe Business Administration: As for the program, it is high- Although there a few "bird" Severely underrated, Laurier's Lauriers' Music program. You Ah yes, the promotional flagship. ly structured at the Honours level; can never prepare enough, for if Laurier's 8.8.A. program attracts you must take pre-selected you think you have, the profes- to its student body some of the courses which may see restric- sors ask for more and push for it. highest I.Q.'s in the province. tive, and is at times, but it is a Course content switched con- Regardless, the program does good force fed overview of the stantly every for the past is a year match high standards in students different literary periods. In fact, Laurier (which, music theory by four, in with high standards in teaching. a prof who is new to the school usually has a final class the way Several professors are outstand- this year came hear just 65%). for the average around ing not only in class, but also in program. At the General level The most annoying fact in the their reputation outside the uni- you can pretty well write your past four was that every place years versity. Generally, business stu- own ticket. good to Prof wants his subject be your dents have few very few poor major. be- priority, possibly This professors. Philosophy: comes very stressful and in some But there are problems: the A pretty deep program. It will ex- cases a sleep deterrent. But over- level of computer competency is pand your brain in ways you all if you are a music student your atrocious, and industry often says never thought possible and teach courses don't start in the fall and that the students simply can't you how to think and analyze in AuroraBorealis end in the spring, for to be an write, and the Business program an organized manner. Did you by: Tim Sullivan. ideal success its a year round is rather inflexible. The flagship know that Philosophy majors thing. HOW WELL does university All in all, Laurier is a great needs some remodelling. consistently do better on the prepare a citizen for life? It is place to be spending the ir- Honours Computing and Com- LSAT's than any other major? often said that university provides responsible days of youth. Except puter Electronics: Honours Economics: People may think that philos- you an education, college pro- for the doors into the Concourse What can you say about Honours Buried somewhere beneath the ophy is just about a lot of heady, vides a job. from the SUB — they can knock Computing? First year computing Biz program, in the general area ethereal stuff but it actually offers you out not careful. I'm not exactly sure how ac- if you're courses are pretty basic but of the Peters Building, lies the some of the most practical curate that is, but I'm sure I will there's piles of work to them, Economics department. This, courses in the school; practical installment Aurora Borealis see. This of physics is physics (as always) and among other things, is where cuz they apply to your life and comes straight from your friendly I guess university will be con- then you realize you have no time people who couldn't get the great way of looking at life and think- sidered successful if I will be able neighbourhood Associate News (or patience) for your math grades Business get Editor, Tim Sullivan. What he said needed for ing about life. It's a mind blower. to handle what life throws at me courses. Then of course the labs, shuffled, there was strictly his own stuff, so under (presumably) the once I have graduated and gone please don't assume everyone else in- 6 hours a week, mindlessly cover- impression that this a close sub- Honours Cord: on and better to bigger things. volved with putting out this paper ing mundane'details (or furiously stitute. It's bloody hell, but a whole lot Laurier is a fine establish- thinks the same, although we might. doing something whose purpose Well, maybe it's not all bad. more fun than English, History, ment, on the whole, despite its So there. you have no idea). The profs are interesting (some Biz, Eco, Archaeology, Music... class sizes (one of my classes has five students in regular at- tendance), too much paid ad- vertising within its halls, and ex- Attention Class of '91 pensive entertainment when we get some. The apathy adds nothing to the school, either. University TOjCAREER should be a place to let go, to do MAKE TRACKS OPPORTUNITIES every thing you will not be al- Put your diploma or degree to work for you and fine tune your education with one of our three post graduate programs. lowed to do in the real world. Life will be better if you let your- self be young, enterprising, and to ￿ . ￿￿ a point of not being a criminal, a ￿ ￿ ￿fOST GRADUATE STUDIES shit disturber.

Laurier has great facilities • Research Analyst • Recreation for Special Populations • Communicative Disorders Assistant despite its size. For all the com- (Barrie) 8-month program (Orillia) 12-month program (Orillia) 12-month program plaints, the library is adequate. The athletic facilities are good-a courses in research methodology, courses in leisure education, counselling courses in speech-language pathology, full size pool, squash courts, survey/instrument design, statistics ancj jjfe assessm ent alternate modes of communication and and computer data analysis and tennis courts, etc... Considering auditory disorders research communications 16-week competency-based internship . . Laurier is built on one square ..... , . 16-week competency-based internship career possibilities with law block, its facilities are sure ade- concurrent weekly applied field seniors, practicum offenders, persons with developmental careers include assistant or technician quate. . or serving clients ... or physical impairments in facilities agencies And even if they aren't, career opportunities include social w j th communicative disorders, such as Waterloo can supplement any in- planning, labour, education needs schools, residential institutions or assessment, opinion polling, adequacies, say, in the library de- with clinics government, business and the media partment. At most other univer- to university sities, the walk the Georgian College has an excellent track record in placing graduates in related employment. would be as far. Call toll free 1-800-461-9696, ext. 566 (Ontario) or (705) 722-1566. Or mail the coupon below. The faculty is top notch, for the most part. Well renowned

profs give credibility to — I would like more information and an application for: who our rr\ can degrees, even if the education \mAS □ Research Analyst □ Recreation for Special Populations □ Communicative Disorders Assistant not be assessed until life smacks us with reality and we have to Georgian Name react to it. Mono Address: To boot, Laurier is located in WUIICUUOn (apt., street) (city) (prov) (postal code) the heart of friendly Waterloo Phone: ( ) Region, economically prosperous and close to Toronto, London, t Mail to: College Information Services, Georgian College, One Georgian Drive, Barrie, Ont. L4M 3X9 Stratford, and Mitchell. 91 14-IS "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 12 comment Thursday March 28,1991 "the cord"

Cover photo: Tom Szeibel A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication 75 University Ave. West, Waterloo, On. N3L 2C5 MARCH 28, 1991 VOLUME XXXI, ISSUE 26

EDITORIAL BOARD

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF- Tony Burke NEWS EDITOR Mark Hand ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR Tim Sullivan FEATURES EDITOR GailCockburn SCENE EDITOR Guy Etherington SPORTS EDITOR Brock Greenhalgh

BUSINESS EDITOR - Tim Bartkiw PRODUCTION MANAGER Christine Yarwood We came here, but are we happy? Production Assistants: Do to know I Laurier? Me If I remember was my third sort of Roxanne Chartrand, you want why came to too. correctly, it choice, just thrown down on the Dare list because I needed to put down another school. It was small. It was close to home, yet far enough away to maintain a certain level of Karen Lennox comfort. What the hell? I grew disillusioned with my first two choices, and WLU gave me the best scholarship, which I think was why I in first what Classified Co-ordinator Charlotte Gravlev came here the end. Of course, I blew my ride in the year and lost that scholarship, but can you do? Now that I'm here, the bureaucracy, ivory tower bullshit, and delusions of grandeur permeating this place has me wishing I was a little more thoughtful in Circulation and Filing „. Cathy-Jo Noble grade 13 when made my picks for universities. But then be any different Graphics Artist. J.R. Artinger I again, would it really anywhere else? Hand. Copy Editors Mike v. Bodegom Mark ..Kevin Tessner I came to Laurier because I had attended a small high school and I hoped that I could transfer what I experienced there to here. Also, CONTRIBUTORS: my sister owned a house in Waterloo for me and my buddies to live in after my first year inresidence. If I had to do it all over again, I would. The people I have met, the wonderful things I have experienced and the memories that stay with me outweigh the bad. Sure I could sit here and ramble on like a grumbly old coot about all the shitty things, but I won't. I'm saving that until I am a grumbly old Douglas Spence, Chris Skalkos, Jennifer Epps, Andrew coot. I had to change my expectations of university life to fit reality, but that is always the case. Bailey, Carolyn Saunders, Mark "the Mauler", Carolyn Brock Greenhalgh. Gruske, Terry Grogan, Jennifer Epps, Jana Watson, Roxanne Chartrand, Mark Stephen Gracey, Jim Winston. OK, I admit it, I was bribed. Honestly, I was offered money and to a fresh faced kid from small town Peterborough, a thousand bucks Boyce, Cliris Ariens, Mike v. Bodegom, Darcellc Hall, sounded not too shabby. I also liked the idea of a small place, where my profs would actually know my name and where I wouldn't get Craig Burt and the Shadowy Men. too lost. I did have some naive notions of higher learning, like people would actually want to learn and not just get their degree and get Production: Larry Coker and Terry Grogan. the fuck out. Often I was disappointed but those rare classes where people participated and got the wheels turning really made the dif- Gal- Photo: Ram bo, James Neilson, Ward Black, Chico ference. vez, Tim Sullivan, Tom Szeibel, Sara Marasco and Chris The whole business attitude (not necessarily the business school) has this school running like a corporation. The red tape to do any- Skalkos. thing around here is enough to choke a waterbuffalo. Lets try to remember where we are - at a university, supposedly opening our minds and questioning, experiencing not merely getting that requisite piece of paper. Now that I'm done the little cloud of doom STUDENT PUBLICATIONS routine I must say that yes, some profs know my name and yes I have met some great people and had some good times. But boy am I glad to go. SYSTEMS TECHNICIAN Michael Myc Gail Cockburn. PHOTO MANAGER Tom Szeibel

Photo „.. Technicians: Chico Galvez The Scenario: A couple of friends and I made a road trip to Waterloo for the weekend. We took in Laurier Day, listened to Laura Allen Jo-Ann Julien brag about the 5.8.E., and experienced the local nightlife first hand. Very little actually impressed me, although I really wasn't sure Graphic Arts Technician Niki Westman what I was looking for. Then, something happened. Walking around the small campus I opened my ears and listened, and what I heard ADVERTISING: were people's voices. Everybody seemed to know each other, and liked talking to one another. People were friends. It was really nice. MANAGER - Martin P.L. Walker OK, the effects were subtle, but I knew that I would make Laurier my home. Production Manager Rick Dales Overall I am glad I came here. You get sick of looking at the place, and the student body's attitude over the past few years has become Assistant. Steve iMdouceur rather depressing. This place just doesn't move forward enough, and because of this I'm almost glad to be leaving. However, I sincere- Advertising Representatives: ly believe that no other school offers an opportunity to make so many great friends. I bid you all a fond farewell. Laura K. Lee, Dennis Bon, Tim Bartkiw. ..Marc Navabi, James Neilson

I wanted to be in business. I loved accounting. So, I asked, where should I go to university? McMaster offered me business - Laurier BOARD OF DIRECTORS allowed me to parallel it in first year (now I'm in Psych). Both my parents worked at Mac (that means free tuition) -1 didn'tknow any

Jana Watson, President one who worked at Laurier. My father lives two minutes from Mac - First year, I lived thirty minutes from the WLU campus. My Jim Boyce Stuart Lewis boyfriend went to Mac - After I was here two months, we broke up. So why did I choose Laurier? I thought the Business programme Vlad Kinastowski Dan Muys would be a lot better than Mac's (ha!). I thought there would be nice, small classes at Laurier (double ha!). I thought the tiny campus Peter Roose Tom Samac would allow me to meet lots of wonderful, open-minded people (I've met lots of people). However, I must thank Laurier for teaching

Moe Atliia me one thing - Boy, was I stupid. Christine Yarwood. INQUIRIES: 884-2990 (Editorial) 884-5092 (Advertis- ing). National advertising b\ Campus Plus: (416) 481- I don't remember why I came to Laurier but I do know what I've learned over the past four years. Most notably: the apathy that a 7283 small university can generate within itself with a student body that dreads stepping foot off-campus to encounter new experiences, that the administration really doesn't care about the students or the staff, that a proud academic tradition shouldn't take precedence over The Cord welcomes all feedback, comments, criticisms, gifts, and treating people like human beings, that Laurier is a haven for closed-minded intolerance, prejudice and sexism, and that people don't suggestions from our readers. Please submit letters to the Editor typed and really seem to like it hear a helluvalot. I have also seen that there are people out there who may hate you and try to destroy you for rea- double-spaced by Tuesday at noon for the following publication. We can cannot on only print letters that bear the author's real name, telephone number, and sons that you understand, that in the "big picture" you and I don't matter, that there are no guarantees and no-one to count ID. number (if applicable), but your name may be withheld by request. but yourself. That might be because ofLaurier or it might be just me. But I doubt it. The Cord also welcomes all submissions but remember that they become Tony Burke. the property of The Cord and we reserve the right to edit and refuse any submissions. Furthermore, The Cord win not print anything considered to be sexist, racist orhomophobic in nature by the staff as a voting body. Hindsight being twenty-twenty I now know that I would never come here again if I had the choice. Why? Good question; one I ask Kighi month. 24 issue Cord subscription rates are: $20.00 for ad- myself when I complain about this place. One reason is I left high school to go to a university and not just a larger high school. That s dresses within Canada and $25 outside the country. Co-op students may what this place is; the immature, petty attitudes of many of the students; the way the students are treated like highschoolers by the ad- subscribe at a rate of $10 per four month work term the of The offices of The Cord are located on the second floor of the ministration; even size the school: secondary school. Jumpin" Jimminy Boyce Oh So Mighty God Of Us All Building on the Another reason is that school is pretty dern conservative; makes for a stifling existence and I hate being put down for NOT 'towing the good, bad and ultimately ugly campus ofWilfred Laurier University. The line' as it were. Cord Is the printed by somewhat fine people at Ricter Web Press in But there are good even great about Laurier. The I have made are the best have ever made. we all just B ford, Ontario. things, things, friends I Too bad rant wonderful; academically The Cord is published weekly in the fall and winter terms. The couldn't transfer schools. The city of Waterloo is also rich, alive and interesting. The things I have learned Cord is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association. more than stimulate my brain. Copyright (c) 1991 by WLU Student Publications, 75 University Finally, the best thing I have gotten from Laurier is what I have learned about myself; who I am and how I work. Ave. West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5. No part of this publication may Thai has been worth all the bullshit. be reproduced without permission the of Editor-in-Chief. Guy Etherington. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad arid the ugly Thursday March 28,1991 comment 13 Wilf's patron real disappointed The Question As a regular patron of Wilfs, of the Week I feel I have some views as to the Letters to the Editor status of our beloved quiet pub from all members of the WLU community Over the past 7 months I can Letters are welcome area. words and bear the author's honestly say that the attitudes and All submissions must be within 400 real name and phone number for verification. Names may be What do you like and dislike respect which should be given to request. The Coru will print as many letters as by Wilf s withheld by about Laurier? the students the estab- unless the letter is deemed potentially libellous, or lishment has steadily been on the space allows attempts to hatred or violence towards individuals or decline. incite by Rambo identifiable groups -- including women, men, lesbians and gays, What prompted me to write ethnic and religious groups, and people with a disability. this letter? On Monday morning, I went for my usual morning cof- fee in Wilf s. When I tried to pay When I tried to get in without Electric Circus video rejects my 80 cents, the staff informed paying just to have some lunch, I repeatedly played on those me that my five pennies could not was refused! I can appreciate the monitors so damn vital to con- by accepted as currency. Pardon Wilfs management charging for tinue Wilf's profiteering ways? me? My three quarters and 5 pen- the entertainment, but not for So much for student input! Next nies wasn't good enough! Excuse eating lunch at 11:45 am. And an- time you're waiting 20 minutes me, but if Brian Mulroney can other thing, I'm not a smoker, but for a waitress to come by and take my pennies, why can't my heart goes out to the nicotine take your order, consider these Wilf's? Give me a fuckin' break. sufferers who paid a buck for a suggestions: Mar On Friday 15, I wanted butt. - scrap the monitors and maybe to go for lunch at 11:45 am. throw on some alternative music I ask you, is Wilfs no longer When trying to get in I was in- on the radio (CBC, Univ. of a service for the students? Is formed I would have to pay 1 Waterloo Radio, CKWR com- Wilfs so profit-oriented they dollar. Would you pay a loonie that munityradio) have to charge a loonie to listen for the privilege of eating Wilf s - scrap the constant barrage of 3- Like: Responsible beer to Mr. "3-chord guitar player" food? Not 100 pennies, but a chord guitarists try some drinkers that tip. trashing every Neil Young song and fuckin' loonie! Come on Wilfs, campus groups who are some- Dislike: Drunks that don't ever written? fuckin' use some common sense. Are those what popular with the students tip. and play original music - extend the stand-up bar for Jill Steadman, "Psycho" those who are tired of waiting and Caroline Snell endlessly for adequate service Bar types

Prof likes us - take those as to by means copper pennies I am disappointed at the way need be resolved real currency The Cord other than the macho standoff the conflict between Let's make Wilf's a real stu- and the Students' Union was tactics that men have modelled dent service, and not a bar driven a handled. for each other for a long time. Like: It's small school. by profits. What are my student Dislike: administra- extent to which issue It would be nice if men could The The the fees being used for? Let's try and negative censorship, find more ways to please each tion has a attitude was then it is dubious act like a real down to basis other whatever their sexual Earth uni- towards the students, and to censor on any other than versity bar inspired by students explicitly orientation. Hopefully the parties it's just a very large expunging what and not the profit margin. bureaucracy. demeans another person. The arti- involved will find a creative solu- cle question did not demean tion before the end of term. This in Bruce Mclntyre Krista Ditchfield anyone. Catering to people being may be less exciting than a Honours History 2nd Year Philosophy "offended comes close to con- newsworthy crisis, but ultimately doning homophobia. more satisfying. It seems that there are other Sincerely, Letters issues of control between the continue... Union and the newspaper. These Christopher Ross Like: The friendly atmo- sphere and faculty at the PINK INK Seminary. Dislike: Very little park- Visibility tactics questioned ing for the students. Douglas O. Spence Sarah Reid Ist Year MTS Last year in New York a gay activist group bringing to light the potentially hypocritical ac- called Queer Nation was founded. Since that time tivities of politicians etc. who are not working they have drawn much controversy and criticism toward the establishment of gay rights. from both the gay and straight communities. The gay community certainly does need good Queer Nation attempts to increase gay visibility role models and well-respected people to act as am- by staging kiss-/love-ins, poster campaigns, and bassadors for the gay community, showing that swarming straight bars as well as many other inter- gays are an active, healthy part of society. I, and Like: Friendly esting techniques. student at- Queer nation has also been active many other people, agree that politicians and policy mosphere. in AIDS activism and protesting political inaction makers at whatever level who are gay should not, at Dislike: David Wilcox on the part rights. of gay the very least, be endorsing or developing policies cancellation. If you've been to Toronto or Ottawa lately you or laws which do not give equal rights to may posters have noticed from their "Queers are homosexuals. Andrew Rice here, get used to us" campaign. Some of the posters If these people do not follow this ideal however, 2nd Year Business from this campaign drew much criticism for the use does anyone or any group have the right to out of language -- i.e. the use of "fag" and "queer" as them publicly? Is this an infringement of that per- labels for gay persons. son's rights as an individual? The idea behind using these particular words is This is definitely a very sensitive subject, and to reclaim them, and give them a positive connota- both agreeing or disagreeing with Queer Nation's tion so that gay people may use them with pride. policies and actions hold elements which are con- Many people however do not feel comfortable with trary to my own personal beliefs. Who is to say that Queer Nation's attempt and feel that it has actually they are right or wrong? It would all seem to boil caused damage to the gay liberations movement down to the fact that no matter if you agree or dis- Like: The Dean of Stu- through the use of these traditionally derogatory agree with their tactics, you must recognize that dents. words. their goal is to better the lifestyle and appearance of Dislike: Almost nothing. Another of Queer nation's famous techniques is the gay community. outing. Outing is the public announcement of some- Sueby one's sexuality (most often without that person's 3rd Year Business permission). There are two ideals behind this ac- The views expressed by the author of Pink Ink tivity: first, that the gay community needs good, remain his own and may not necessarily reflect positive role models and second, for the purpose of those of the Cord staff, WLUSP, or the university. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 14 comment Thursday March 28,1991 Eglin andboat Cord samein The opponents of Dr. Eglin's 3. The insults hurled at Professor example. But the most peculiar aspect Letters ( views have every right to express Eglin reminds one of the Biblical Respect must be shown to of the above examples is the fact ...continued their views. However several King who kills the messenger those willing to take unpopular that it is the students who are things have been disturbing about who was paid to bring him the stands. Professor Eglin and the willing to muzzle freedom of the reactions. bad news. Cord editors risked their reputa- speech, not some authoritarian Lately, the student body has 1. The not-so-oblique insinua- There are many ways to tions (and maybe more) to speak stodgy dinosaur administration! If attempted to limit the right to tions about Professor Eglin's muzzle dissent - through official about the unspeakable in a radical differences cannot be tolerated by freedom of speech in both official judgment, character and in- laws and policies and through way. The students who com- the young, what will they be like and unofficial ways. It makes me telligence for the means he used personal shunning. WLU has al- plained about the drumming were when they are the leaders of this very nervous. to express his views. These views lowed for no forum where unwilling to risk even a few hours country? The closing of The Cord by were expressed at the time and opinions can be expressed in pub- of their time to feel the dis- We must not forget how deli- the Student Union for what is continue to appear in letters to the lic as Professor Eglin pointed out. comfort intended to make us cate our freedoms are and how judged to be the publishing of un- Editor. When unpopular views are ex- think about what was behind the easily they can be lost by our tasteful material is only one ex- 2. The complaints refer primarily pressed, dissenters are often Gulf War; those offended by the complacency. ample. But the students are to the "inconvenience" the sound ridiculed. The recent article on safe sex article seemed unwilling Yours truly, engaging in a potentially more of the drum was to their studying. the virtual demise of the gay and to risk embarrassment even dangerous type of censorship. I Given the rather more-than-an- lesbian association because of though one AIDS case might Joyce Timpson refer specifically to the vicious inconvenience suffered by the harassment illustrates yet another have been prevented by it. Social Work reaction in response to the actions victims about whom the message of Professor Eglin following the was about, this is most in- bombing of the citizens in Iraq. appropriate and insensitive. Anti-calendar story bogus Sigma Chi mean This letter is in response to ing the purpose of the survey and classtime. It was never my intention last week's article entitled , by asking their permission for the that I would like to comment on a not reading it. They do, however, "WLU Anti-Calendar in the surveys to be handed out during our surveys be distributed in a letter included in last week's is- seem well versed in the goings on works." While this letter is classtime. threatening manner and I sue The by of Cord written "The of my Sunday nights, so there regarding some problems with the Obviously, it is in everyone's apologize for any confusion. This Gentlemen of Sigma Chi". must be something there that is of article's content, it is also meant best interest for the parties in- is not a witch hunt, nor was it Whether or not these individ- interest. to be an open letter to all students volved to be well-informed and ever intended to be. Rather, it is a uals are gentlemen is not the is- The major point of their argu- and faculty concerning the we would like nothing better than means by which students can find sue, but rather the content of the ment is that the charity basketball Course Calendar Supplement. for the professors to invite us to out more about the courses letter. In the lengthy and well- game between the Fraternity of To begin with, I stand firmly distribute the surveys during clas- they're taking and for which written letter, the group brought Sigma Chi and the Twin City behind the idea of having a pub- stime. they're paying large amounts of up the complaint that The Cord Spinners was not included in the lished set of student-administered My interest in this project was tuition. has not done a sufficient job in March 14th edition of The Cord. evaluations of professors and sparked when a professor en- Both the Course Calendar covering events at Wilfrid The story was included, however, courses. However, I was er- couraged his class to create what Supplement Committee and the Laurier. in the next week's Cord. I must roneously quoted as saying that it most other universities call an WLUSU Board of Directors stand This may be the case, but if have had some interest in the was our intention to by-pass "anti-calendar" and numerous behind this project and it will we look, we notice that seven in- event, since there was a Cord professors' permission while profs have specifically asked that continue in full swing. dividuals working for the news- photographer there. handing out the surveys and the the surveys be handed out in their I would also like to take this paper hold title the of Editor. People should learn not to surveys are to be done outside of classes. opportunity to thank the many Webster's Ninth New Collegiate criticize things that they do not classtime. It is only in the instance that a students and professors who took Dictionary defines the word totally comprehend. There are no I do not, nor have I ever, en- student feels a particular course part in this project and to en- editor as one that edits, espe- 1. members of Sigma Chi who work couraged students to by-pass should be evaluated and that the courage volunteers to evaluate cially as an occupation. If we fol- for The Cord or have contributed professors' permission or to professor disallows the survey in their classes in the next few low up on this, the word edit Sports to the Section. If the Fra- secretly work behind anyone's his/her class that the volunteers weeks. Surveys may be picked up means 1. to prepare as literary ternity is so adamant about hav- back. Rather, our committee has were told they do not need in the WLUSU offices. material publication or public ing events for their covered in the repeatedly encouraged students to permission - providing that the presentation or 2. to delete, newspaper, they could become work with their profs by explain- survey is not handed out during Dana Pesce usually used with the word out. involved in WLUSP. If this is the case, it must be To pass judgment, without the Sports Editor's job to prepare finding out all of the facts is and to delete material for publica- wrong. It is my duty as an editor Booze: the key to success tion in The Cord dealing with the to make decisions, and if those events of the school. As for the decisions are not agreeable with by Jim Boyce the border for a six-pack of Old Milwaukee and a Sigma Chi story, I did not have everyone, then there is Little I can forty of Jack D, we move in. the material to put together an ar- not appreciate, however, do. I do Last week we saw that the purpose of university 2) Okay, the second plan. In case it hasn't been ticle. when constructive criticism steps is to remove intelligent young people from society obvious yet, profs like booze. In fact, a not-so- Since this position is open to over the boundary into cheap in order to eliminate their revolutionary tendencies. famous band once wrote, any student at Laurier, it is only shots at a person's character, es- Four main methods are used to accomplish this: fair that the person best qualified pecially when it's mine. Show me any bar, anywhere's round here, status quo preaching professors, OSAP (Oppressing for the job is chosen for that posi- And I'll show you twenty profs Student Aspirations of Progress), the transforma- tion. If those involved in Sigma Brock Greenhalgh Dacquiri downing tion of students into "freaks" who are not respected Chi find what I write to be that Sports Editor, The Cord Sambuka slurping boring, they have the choice of by (and cannot relate to) those outside the univer- Potato vodka pounding sity setting, and the systematic exhaustion of the Bourbon burping mind through an excessive amount of essays, ex- Bladdered full of beer, ams et al (this method is similar to the brainwash- Yeah, anywhere's round here. Turn down ing used by cults). Wilf's It was also stated that the only hope of overturn- Okay, so here's the plan: drop something into ing this repressive system is through the use of al- that drink and remember it doesn't necessarily have With the obvious much larger However, as of late , with the issues to be dealt with in these arrival of MTV and a VCR hook- cohol. Here are four possible scenarios: to kill them. The following will most likely be uncertain times, perhaps my re- up, I now find it impossible to va- 1) Everyone knows that professors like booze. enough to send them home sick so that their offices quest will appear trivial at best. cate my being due to the relent- Whether at Morty's, Cafe Bon Choix or the Twist, can be taken over: ex-lax, Drano, liquid paper, LSD However, given these less bombardment of ear splitting there's no shortage of staggering academics and plutonium. aforementioned "larger issues", I decibel levels and the distraction squawking about Turabian and the proper use of This project requires careful planning. Every must admit that I have taken to a of the ever omnipresent boob- footnotes or about their exciting academic careers drink must be tampered with simultaneously so that

desire to occasionally retreat from tube monitoring me from above — and/or papers published. the profs can be cleared out and the students can that "Whose horrid image doth both stimuli which, had I wished Further, this need for alcohol stretches to the take over. Note: it is most effective to match the unfix my hair/ And make my to indulge in them in the first workplace. Ever notice that professors only have taste of the additive to the drink. Eg. Ex-lax in Irish seated heart knock at my ribs,/ place, I could have gone to the about three hours of office time per week even Coffee and Drano in Tequila. Against the use of nature", by fre- Turret or justplain stayed home. though they're up there for about forty? Chug-a- 3) Molotov cocktails. Booooooom! 'Nuff said. quenting one of my favourite ale lug. (Of course, it could be argued that professors, 4) Okay, this is the method of change most Wilf's halls, Wilf's. So, to be received plain, I'll like students, are over-burdened with work and that preferred by university students. We go sit in On those nights when sleep speak more gross: could we their minds are being exhausted for even more and drink some alcohol ourselves and think about with difficulty, and to PLEASE turn down the volume a sinister reasons, but that's another theory). the whole thing a whole lot. And then drink and comes yet We be typed thesis pages mock my bit, and possibly even make less Okay, this is the idea: we barricade the bars, the think about it a little bit more. And then drink. hellish efforts at more pleasant thoughts, use of the televisions at Wilf's. beer and liquor stores, and the cafes and restaurants do this whenever we can get away from the then, in Wilf's used to provide a peaceful To have my paradise regained be- in Southwestern Ontario. Grocery and corner stores workload assigned by our professors and of here sanctuary of inebriating fore the oblivion of April falls too (there isn't a Prof in this school who doesn't three or four years, we drag our asses out many beverages, casual conversation, heavy on my soul, would indeed know how to get buzzed on shoe polish, aqua velva, ten grand in debt, our brains fried from too and just generally a well deserved be heavenly. lysol or vanilla extract). swig-caffeine-pop-a-bean-burn-out-eyes-on- deprivation from some of my Then, after they've used up their personal stash computer-screen nights. more annoying senses. James Mclntyre in the office and are booting in their Hondas across Rickard's Red please. Thursday March 21, 1991 15 Business Molson's case on I.C.E. tives from the brewing con- glomerate, returned to Laurier to witness presentations from the finalists. They took their roles seriously. The Molson brass drilled presenters skillfully and without mercy, in pursuit of the most ideal and thorough solution. Many professors were pleased with the quality of the students' work. An internal board member, Dr. Shelley Jha said " all the presentations I saw were strong; none were done poorly at all." Other professors had similar com- ments. At the end of the week, 3rd/4th year business co- ordinator Franklin Ramsoomair proclaimed " I felt proud of the pic by: Ward Black quality we were showing off to these people from industry." By: Tim Bartkiw though the merger actually took When discussing the students' place in real life, students were performance with Dr. Ram- Hell week is over! After 96 forced to go through the decision soomair, Molson's Barry Joslin making process for hours of living with the word themselves. used the words "renewed and Molson on their brains, third year Finalist teams presented their refreshed" to describe his experi- biz students can finally relax back proposals to an "external board", ence. The idea was that experi- which included Molson person- into their status quo schedules. encing the thought process of a Students were handed out the nel. The Senior Vice President of university atmosphere once again, Molson, Barry (known as case dealing with the merger of Joslin was a welcome change from op- BJ. to the students), was an ac- Molson Breweries with Elders' erating in an atmosphere of orga- Ok, show me that Stoic look. pic by: Sara Marasco owned Carling O'Keefe early tive and enthusiastic contributor nizational politics. Joslin was ap- Monday morning, and presented to the Integrated Case Week. parently surprised at the level of their solutions early Friday. Al- Joslin, along with other execu- quality, and at the good mix be- Transylvania Club in Kitchener. say. tween academic theory and real- Their efforts were definitely not The week went well, but hopefully not rest world relevance in the presenta- in vain, as the evening was a Laurier will on tions. smashing success. Things got a its success. Room for improve- Molson's benefits from this little stupid when the not-yet- ment exists in the process, as well event also. Four copies of every drunk-enough crowd pursued as opportunities for greater out- solution will be forwarded to such activities like chanting and side coverage of the event for promotion. Molson for their executives to doing the wave around the room school One student browse. Feedback will be in order to entertain themselves. commented that Laurier didn't received over the next few weeks However, after a few nice faculty capitalize on the prestige of the from other people at Molson, and speeches, and an excellent per- event. "They blew a great op- any thoughtful new ideas found formance by Master of portunity", since there was after will be welcomed. Ceremonies Steve Duncan, the all top management of a large Ca- After all things said and all evening rolled happily onward. nadian company as well as the work done, it was time for a Just an author's aside: Thanks to ex-Mayor of Waterloo present. refocus of energies. The I.C.E. the people who wouldn't shut up Surely this could have been ex- sucial committee had worked while Franklin Ramsoomair was cellent publicity for both Molson hard to prepare a first class for- speaking. As if I cared what my Breweries and Wilfrid Laurier mal dress tension releaser at the lifelong favourite teacher had to University S.B.E. Sovereignty Stinks Yep. It's OOOOver! pic by: Tim Bartkiw By: Tim Bartkiw issues.

It's time for a constructive review of the S.B.E. The S.B.E. is also an effective vehicle for the forces of isolationism at The Foot In the same philosophy of the school itself, I'll keep here Laurier. Peters speaks Building is viewed as Business to it brief! I won't go into the Business program itself, "The Club" which a membership is required. Too the If you've picked up The Cord and it's not quite 2:00 pm Thurs- but rather, let's talk about what really goes on in much of efforts of Business students are expelled ac- day, then you can still make this one. David Foot of the Uo' Tis an that nice modern building. toward tivities with a slant. - Hence, economist slash demographer that is here to present an overview of Biz-nobs do a lot of work no question. There Business we have orga- nizations like Tamiae, The Biz, whose Canadian demographics, and why companies must not ignore them. is however a great difference between work and in- and Core of are to S.B.E. a greater experi- Foot will discuss the particular importance of demographics from tellectual stimulation, something which is severely mandates make the ence. These organizations a Marketing and Human Resources perspective, so if these are your lacking inside the walls of the Peters building. Business hog most of the resource potential the interests then take note. Business students arguably do much less debating human that S.B.E. has to of- all, Why are corporate structures flattening? Why are tennis courts out over issues, since quite often their problems have fer. After there are great minds, and many great people that and theatres in? What has led to today's emphasis on lifelong learn- actual answers. This can foster an atmosphere of congregate The Atrium daily. Better in- ing? Foot will offer insight into these and other questions. His analy- indifference towards issues of substance. Business tegration of the Business Club into the lifeblood of Wilfrid sis of our changing demographics should be heard by all aspiring is not a discipline in which students challenge very Laurier University would benefit the whole school at large. leaders of business and government. You may even get a great idea many of the norms in society, but rather develop for a new business! the best techniques to deal with these norms. The In short ~ way way way too much clique action. The lecture is from 2 to 4 pm in room IEI, and there is also a S.B.E may preach pro-active management style, but The next Integrated Case should be an exercise in reception afterwards. it also contributes to a reactive approach to societal life. Let's Integrate better as a university. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly page 16 feature Thursday March 28, 1991 Savagery and Sorro

" "There's nothing worse than a horizontal-stripe jacket read virtuous man with a mean mind" "Fire Marshall". -Richard Nixon, 1968 "You'll have to close your store and leave early," she told We// ... maybe so. Unless it's a me, "It's dangerous for you to be beautiful sociopath with an un­ here right now." quenchable sexual appetite. "All right." I answered. "So ... what's the problem?" I Six feet above me, upside-down flipped the Zippo over my head and bolted to the ceiling, the fan from behind my back, deftly spun round and round, swirling caught it in front of me with my the air, keeping it moving. right hand, and sparked it. Jill gave me a whiplash smile, that scared me and made me in­ sane for her all at the same time. "There's a gas leak. This whole Beautiful angel mall could go up at any minute." It was Saturday night and there I The situation washed over me. was, Schick! flick! and hiss! I snapped the Zippo shut and by Fisher Sheffield doing tricks with the Zippo threw it down on the counter. I for over half an hour when I thought of my store, with its VANNA DUG ME by Fisher heard him fall and break his fore­ plate-glass walls and rows on Sheffield head on the taps. I got up from rows of movie cases. And then I the typewriter and went over to thought of splinters of glass ex­ " ... Pat Sajak? Hell of a guy. But the window. My writing was ploding into the night sky and not too bright: twice during the going nowhere, but I still had to The ceiling fan would some­ melting from the ferocious heat; commercials I pointed at his tie, get a story. And not just a story, times capture my interest in those empty movie boxes spinning and tweaked his nose when he but The Story. The Story.. .! had early hours of the morning, at 3 through the air, round and round looked down, causing him to to lash together 3000 separate AM, or 4AM, when I was alone in and round, cardboard burning smile like a big, · stupid words into a harangue on some­ the video store for hours at a and landing out over on the park­ ing lot. And the whole time, one child... Vanna White? She dug me. thing other than Weirdness and stretch. It was a menial job I was word kept streaming, spinning '/' m a ticket scalper Pat. I sell Cruelty. I had never been a man much too qualified for, but by and (tUrving through my head. tickets to professional sporting to break a promise to an editor, being able to go for 76 hours at a events, for more than I bouf!ht but it looked like I WllJ .about to time without sleep, I was able to This coUld be a love story: them for, and pocket the dif­ shatter and smash this()fle. ke,ep up. mY relentless Weekend because whenl wem home with ference. That's how I make my In the next room, Dub--Dub­ stThedzHe of drinking · nighls, her and she wanted to marry me money. And when I'm not work­ Dub was flailing about in the building a PflYCheck mornings, and we did weird things in the ing, I enjoy golfing, and hurting bathtub, cursing his head, moan­ and wrmni during the day1 bathtub, it was a love story; al­ things. Trees, walls, furniture, ing, and, I'm sure, bleeding. I I'd been lazilyplaying with my beit one that was doomed to be cars, telephone polls: things.' sighed, ar)d crackf:'.r! cpen a bottle Zippo lighter when, just after dragged down, sinking ps both in From the start I showed an in­ of Budweiser on the ki chen midnight, Jill came tn, It was Sat'-­ a eorkscte.w ofdespl.lir ... " nate skill at the game. The door-frame, showering the room urday nightand my shift had just audience had never before seen a in beer foam and splinters of started. and there I was, schick! player who passed on a turn as a broken glass. flick! and hiss! doing tricks with strategic move. Who could solve the Ztppo. ld'idn' t S11Wke., but I'd ' a puzzle with no letters showing. jerk the lighter out of my back ' Who worked his way through a pocket a1llJ into my left hand all Jill: ''There's a gas leak. This puzzle alphabetically, racking up in one clean movement, light up a whole mall could go up at any thousands of dollars in prizes and cigarette, take a iirag ()n it to minute." pause. And then fumbling she cash money along the way. make sure it caught, and then butt asked bluntly: "Fisher? Dubber By the second commercial, tlw cigarette out and start the told us about your Vanna couldn't tau her eyes off I cracked open a bottle or Bu4- routine (11/er again. girlfriend .•. Why did you two me. On one three-word puzzle, weiser on the kitchen door· Thumb and finger on the breakup?" with two Rs showing, I guessed frame ... black metal of the lighter, sliding Surprised by the question, I 'Pass the puddin' ma' and gave the Ztppo out df my pocket: looked away. Then I said: " 'She Vanna a sly grin to show her I'd sch'ick! An hour later. Dub·Dub-Dub was a Beautiful and ineffectual done it all for her. And she Thumb on the wheel of the was back and we were on our angel, beating in the Void her winked back, and sent me a note flint, sparking it: flick! way with bread and wine for luminous wings in vain.' " that said she wanted to walk off Spark hitting the jet of fluid, spaghetti dinner with a guy "What does that mean?" the set, and go home with me for exploding it into flame: hiss! named Mortis and three girls. at "It's just an old line, from an old poem.'' a week... (Editor's note: honest to Just as I was about to sit down I w(ls lighting the cigarette the girls' house, on the other side God, Fisher filed this story back to my typewriter and a pool-side with my right. hand wrapped be­ of the campus. in January, scooping the "Nation­ interview with Philip-Michael hind my bedd and around the Dinner was pleasant enough. al Enquirer" by a good two Thomas of "Miami Vice", Dub­ other side when Jill came up be­ Big meatballs in thick sauce. months.). Dub-Dub strolled awkwardly into hind me. French bread and wine. Interest­ By the end of the show, Sajak the room. Wrapped in a ing conversation. I smiled a lot, had told me I wou/dn' t be back as housecoat and a thick towel 'Therefi§ no Excellent Beauty. ana charmed them with stories' I said: "She was a Beautiful returning champ, despite a $7600 around his neck, he had a huge that J/uh not some strangeness in about life in K·W. New friends. and ineffectual angel, beating in lead over the housewife from band aid on his forehead. It had thef'oportion." ·Francis Bacon Just like the pasta <:Qmmercial. the Void her luminous wings in Chinatown. So when he came been a wide cut, but there: was no After dinner, I went vain ... over to give the wheel a final / alone. and uncorked evidence of a bruise. Dub-Dub­ I turned around an4 looked at downstair$ spin, I cuffed him in the back of the other bottle of wine. Moments Dub had collected himself. To Ple her. She was medium-height. and the head, and slapped him in the later. one of the girls came he calmly said: "You were wrong built like a beach volleyball bag: I figured I owed him that downstairs. about Siobhan (Editor's note: player. She was deeply sun" 1 much. And Vanna, she dug me." ' Fisber?" pronounced Shee-vaughn). I tanned, even though· it was We took a bus to Don Cher· don't love her. I don't want love. I twisted my head and looked winter: when she clenched her over ather.. rles. As we pulled up to our stop, Just. .. acknowledgement that I ex­ hands into fists •. the ridges bt· ·'"Yes?" ' 'Murris took a beer out of his ist" tween her knuckles went from "What are you doing down jacket, and I turned cold for a sec­ And then he said: "I'm going ond, paranoid of the bus police. dirt-colour to white. She hild he~?" to go get two bottles of wine from strawberry blonde hair, combed But then we were off the bus I croaked the bottle of vodka as the liquor store. We've got dinner "It's hot upstairs in the kitch­ out straight, so her ears were and walking over to Cherries. I I wrote... tonight with my friends." en, so I thought I'd come down covered and her head was given was carrying three beers, Dub­ And as he got ready to head here for a minute." the stylistic shape of a triangle. Dub-Dub had four, and I'm not downtown, I turned back to my "Oh." Understanding. She had gray eyes that glinted, "Would you like a drink?" I sure about how many each Morris typewriter, and began ~ and on her heart-shaped chin, a asked. or the girls were carrying. beauty mark. On her head rested Turned away from Cherries I croaked the bottle of vodka WHIRLPOOL LOVE by Fisher , All right." a peaked cap, and the badge on we began our crusade to another as I wrote. Dub-Dub-Dub had Sheffield I poured her drink slowly. We been showering in the next room her black-with-a-white- drank. We said nothing. Big bar blocks away. J and the ugly 'the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly arch 28, 1991 Thursday March 28, 1991 feature page 17

Part2

" ... that could only end in Weird­ ness and Stupidity and Profound ·ro in Ste· a Itown Sadness."

a mattress that he'd spent an hour accusations. When I interrupted And then Dub-Dub-Dub and I ' puffing air into. I was jumping again to try and cool him down looked at each other and the off one of those wood and and send him away, he told me to deserted gardens and front por­ p styrofoam rafts that float around fuckoff. ches with Hallowe'en pumpkins off-shore, with a thick towel tied There are some people in this still out, and decided it was around my throat, just playing world that swearing works for: pumpkin time! ~/~ Batman. expletives merely pepper their And then I tried to swim out language and add emphasis to l , to the middle of the lake, where their speech. For example, Eddie , Dub-Dub-Dub was. Dub-Dub­ Murphy, Dennis Hopper, Andrew Dub and I had been up playing Dice Clay, Ted Cruise, Fisher , "Stock Ticker" and talking until4 Sheffield. But not Reuben. So I Dub-Dub-Dub had once been , o'clock in the morning, so I guess decided to show him, my friend, counsellor, and hero. he'd drifted off to sleep. demonstrate how. But now he was a caricature or Past halfway out to Dub-Dub­ Pontificating: "Fuck man, himself, a Flying Dutchman... Dub, past the Point Of No Return, give me a fucking break. Go sit I noticed that the cape around my the fuck down and don't be a throat felt like it weighed about fuck. You're drunk. Go have an­ ~ six hundred pounds. It probably other drink. I don't want this. I had absorbed six hundred pounds don't fucking need this." of water, and it was starting to "So fuck off..." Dub-Dub-Dub Madness. Madness. For a drag me down, but I had to go on: punctuated my little speech. good quarter of an hour, we were Dub-Dub-Dub was closer than Reuben instantly threw his weird. And the whole time, my the raft. forearm into Dub's forehead, head whirling like I was leaning knocking him to the floor. Then over the edge of a Merry-Go­ I didn't even think of yelling he quickly turned and stalked Round at full crank, I kept hear­ out, I was stubborn: I'd gotten away, without even looking at ing Dub-Dub-Dub laughing his myself into this stupid trap, and it me. Before Dub-Dub-Dub could head off: "Did we always used to was up to me to get myself out, get up and strike back, he realized do stuff like this? Did we always towel and all. Any other way that the test-tubes shooters in his used to do stuff like this?" And would have been a coward's way, pockets had exploded, so he just then we went back to Dub's and I'd rather have died first. decided to get up slowly and not apartment, and had to get Siobhan But I guess my thtashing attract any attention. A few to buzz us into building, because about in the water stirred ~ i:>ub­ people had seen Reuben's cheap Dub had forgotten his keys at the Dub-Dub. Just when I was about shot, but since none of them were girls' house, on the supper table. to give up and just let myself sfaff, notbing came of it. As the I suppose in my personal my­ sink, Dub-Dub-Dub quickly King of Shreds and Patches went thology, Dub-Dub-Dub will al­ brought the raft over to me. back to . t~e washroom to ways be the cowboy. Tough and When I got to the raft, .I just rebandage ~hls head and pick the cool, suave with women (except Jiung on for a minute, ·and.c then broken glass out of his pants, I for Siobhan), the guy who always stood at !!!Y side in a fight, and slowly hawed myself up on it. I went and said goodbye to the was ashamed of having· beeri so girls and Morris, and then went who actually liked the first three chapters of the book I never stupid, and I dido 't feel like and dragged Dub-Dub-Dub out of wrote, Dub-Dub-Dub had once saying anything. And then I just the washroom, and out of the bar. been my friend, counselor, and crawled out over the raft, and col~ hero. But now he was a caricature lapsed, with the towel that had al­ "J¥:.re:s,lQ us; wha's like us? Gey most killed me now covering my fe\y, liD,d they're a' dead." of himself, a Flying Dutchman, a body. - Traditional Scottish Toast of genuinely out-of-control machine beer, and then Dub-Dub-Dub's Dub-Dub-Dub never said any­ Royalty fuelled by alcohol and with an friend asked me to dance. thing about it. We both knew etch-a-sketch conscience: "Feel­ We went out on the floor, but what had really -ha~ned • .and, Dub-Dub-Dub and I went into ing guilty? Just give your head a I' danced strangely.' The DJ was' that was enough. Nothing needed a 24~hour doughnut shop and shake, and forget all about it." playing hip·hop, buf I was .. danc­ to ~; said. He rescued ..me from a drimk coffee after leaving the bar. My trip to Steeltown had put a question, I ing to ats in Steeltown. but that tht test-tube shooters in his Back at the typewriter I ~ of a pig kiUer.. ..a short little on one ill..advised Doomed and somehow we'd still managed to pockets- had exploded... · thought maybe I could write dancing with a beer and a StUpid ice-fishing trip in Febru­ , run into Reuben.• .I bad to go in­ some of this down, but my hands wd of nobody ...what 1 thought ary. tervene on Dub-Dub-Dub's be .. were useless: I'd been doing al­ as a squirrel run across the half. So I waited until the end of cohol all day. : turned out to be-just a piece the song, and then left the girlto So I never did get a story. paper. floating along on brown join Morris and the two other_s. I went into the washroom to puff of air caused by .~undreds A hand on the back -Of his splash some water on my face, "Every day, in every way, I create -~ - ~--.of feet stomping •up and down in shoulder to ger his attention and but when I got in there, there was sync .. a tall, skinny guy: the type ._the cape around my throat the world I choose to live in. tum him around, and then with ~a a drunk pissing in the sink •. so I you'd be asked to call ''Mr.'' probably had absorbed six hun­ Let's see any of you do any bet­ big smile, I said: turned around and walked right ter." -Fisher Sheffield, 1991 Geek ... dumb people... a girl dred pounds of water "Reuben ... 'Bobbyt... bObby tobog­ btiek out. Cber~ latched onto fall down and Don a guy gan, bobby totem pole, bobby Later, we were Walkingdown to our stop, drag him wim tier •• .and then I pemican, bObby pepsi-cola.,.! see the sidewalk when 1 threw up. out of his pped outside" Of myself and your voice finally cracked... hQW Despite a huge·supper,l got the fora sec­ w a ~ , journalist wrapped ya doing buddy?" dry heaves and. only threw up police. a Wilfrid Laurier University A cold reception. to my hus­ what looked like the wet grass off the bus .ther jacket, McMaster baSeball But the closest I've ever come tling, he'd always been scared of you get from underneath a lawn SAVAGERY AND SORROW Cherries. I p, and torn Qtieen's University to death was when I was young. me::"Fisher." And then he tutned mower, and strings of dried IN STEELTOWN PARTS 1 eatshirt, with' a,. beer in each One warm summer day, the type back to Pub-Dub-Dub. blood, And when I finally did AND 2 Copyright 1991 Czar and and a Cigarette dangling be­ of day God created for skipping I couldn't hear what Reuben throw something up, it was a Fisher Sheffield. Artwork ·een his lips, sitting with two stones down at the· lake, Dub­ wa.s saying, but then again, I · ,dean puke, aiJ in one rete!}, 1 just copyright 1991 Kaiser J.R. pie he didn't really know. Dub-Dub and I were goofing didn't need to. Reuben was never leaned over aJ¥1 di~'t get a drop Artinger. Dedicated to those who I turned back to Dub and one around at his grandfather's cot­ much of a drinker in high schd61. on me. Usually I feel better after know who they are. Thanks to ~f the girls who was sitting with tage. Dub-Dub-Dub had floated With his eyes shut, he was slob­ getting sic~ but that nlght,l (elt F.V., A. McK., and General Elec­ us at our table. I finished my last out into the middle of the lake on bering all over the place, making horrible'~ I felt bad. - · , tric. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly~ 18 Thursday March 28,1991

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'What do you want to do zuitfi yourtheI wanna rockj TwistedSister 1:10 am Cife? scene A Philistine's night at the opera I happened to know what all lyson McHardy, as the old and moral power that are often the operas were about not be- woman who by the sheer depth of present in children's stories cause I'm so smart but because I her singing was able to give some which, with an open mind, can be was given a press kit. The needed weight to the storyline very moving. audience who were handed pro- flawed by the previous The final opera, signor deluso, grams without any storylines weaknesses. was a comedy about mistaken were not so lucky. The fact that The second opera, The Happy identity and mistaken motives. It the operas were in English did not Prince, is a children's story about is about a daughter who is wait- prevent some misunderstanding a statue of a child prince made of ing for her lover to come back of what some of them were about. gold placed in the town's square and marry her. Before his arrival, The first opera, Riders to the where it witnesses the poverty she faints and is revived by her Sea, was the story of a mother and suffering of the poorer ele- neighbour, Signor Deluso. In the who lost her husband and five ments of the townspeople. The process, Signor Deluso's wife sons to the sea with her grief prince, moved by the poverty he sees this and thinks he's having turning to resignation after her sees around him, enlists the aid of an affair. Later, the wife finds the last son is lost. Of all the three a swallow who plucks his sap- girl's locket with her lover's pic- operas, this is the only one that I phire eyes and gold trim and ture and Signor Deluso thinks his would characterize as 'bad'. A gives them to the poor. The piece wife is having an affair. good opera has to succeed musi- ends with the prince being cast The rest of the play is about cally as well as dramatically to off by the town, due to "shabbi- unraveling all of these misunder- work. Both sides fell down with ness" and the swallow dying be- standings to great comic effect. this piece...perhaps because the cause it has stayed through the Besides the circumstances, the full orchestra was involved solely winter to help the prince. play is performed very comically for this opera made it more com- by the players who act with ex- plicated to pull off. aggerated emotions, poses, ges- Musically, besides making tures, expressions and comic jerky, off-key noises, it over- asides. The costumes are also powered the performers to the ex- very funny, with Signor Deluso in tent that their speeches often I left the green plaid with yellow socks and couldn't be heard. Though the shoes. His wife is in white make- music was occasionally able to up with red cheeks and frizzy red create some moods com- show richer hair exhibiting an overt sexuality plementary to the story, it often while walking bow-legged. sounded overwrought and The ending has the hero and melodramatic. heroine getting back together, singers with the hero (of short stature) is on it. Dramatically, the were See the statue. It is clean. The swallow not disappointment well. The climbing into the heroine's arms a as singing and mother was supposed to lose five Musically, the ac- (who is of tall stature) in true pic: Ward Black were well done. sons with the final son being the companiment Marx brothers fashion. The opera final misfortune, but there was no With a smaller orchestra being was very funny and the pinnacle "moribund art form" and opera up ac- by Mark Winston lead in to emphasize this. Also, used the music backed the of the show received big laughs houses as "performing arts muse- when the find loss does occur, tion quite well and all the words from the audience. ums." Prof. Falk disagreed stating Special the secondary characters showed could be heard. mention If I had any trepidation "n is for everybody!" that opera attendance records V-/pera no physical interaction with the should again be given to Allyson towards going to an opera, it was at high exclaimed Professor David Falk, were an all time and that main character in her grief; they McHardy as the prince and Ruth dismissed (as long as it's not too Co-ordinating things always being Director of new were were kept to the side in a freeze Ohlmann as the swallow. The pricy and you've got good pro- Laurier's Opera progaram. This done as well as traditional shows. frame position. Surely there could costumes were very bright and gram notes). I left the show a far was his response to the question have been more physicality intro- vivid adding to the action with richer man than when I came ~ of whether his show of three one- duced to emphasize the loss bet- the price in gold from head to toe and all for only $3.00. So, if act being operas held on March ter than the weak religious liturgi- and the swallow almost in total you're a Philistine with an open Ist and 2nd would have any ap- cal singing. grey in a body suit with sparse mind, I recommend attending the peal to non-music students. The only saving grace to this feathering. next production happening in No- He used a sports metaphor to "Moribund opera was the lead singer, Al- The opera had an imaginative vember. explain what going to the opera is like: "It's like taking someone to a hockey game for the first time. art form" They may not know what's going on, but as soon as they see two players chasing after a puck and then hearing one gasp from being The show was being held at checked into the boards right in the Theatre Auditorium and I ar- front of them, they know they're rived at 8 p.m. The audience con- seeing something that might be tained a cross-section of well worth finding out more about... dressed older people and dressed opera's a lot like that when you down younger people. There see it performed live and up were approximately two hundred close." in attendance. Prof. Falk's most recent show The three operas to be shown was one of two semi annual pro- were Riders to the Sea (tragedy, ductions put on by the Faculty of adapted by Ralph Vaughan Wil- Music. The three one act operas liams from a J.M. Synge play), selected were all 20th century and The Happy Prince (a drama, all in English to make them more adapted by Malcolm Williamson, accessible. based on an Oscar Wilde story) My job was to review the and signor deluso (a comedy show to see if this claim was so. I adapted by Thomas Pasatieri was also curious as to Prof. from the play be Moliere). The Falk's opinion of William Thor- conductor was Leslie De'ath, the This picture proves that you can NOT focus on two things sell's editorial (Globe & Mail) drama director and stage designer at once. Told ya! pic: Ward Black which described opera as a was Thomas Schweitzer. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and theTigiy 20 scene Thursday March 28,1991 Canada rocked the 70's worldwide shire? No, I haven't either-only New Hampshire. Have you ever heard of Rod Stewart? Yes, I have too. Well he covered and named one of his albums after the song Keith Hampshire originally did. Stewart had a big hit with it. Hampshire's version is on this al- bum and it's not that different from Stewart's version; it's okay. Ever heard of A Foot In Cold Water? They're vaguely familiar Early (very), young (very) April Wine. to me. Heard of Helix? They're frighteningly all too familiar though they do cover A Foot In by Guy Etherington really make it in the States and Cold Water's "Make Me Do Any- achieve high chart status. thing You Want". This song is a Made In Canada The album notes sum up the ballad and Helix did virtually as an Our Rock & Roll History 70's "ultimately producing nothing to change it. The original Volume II explosion of Canadian artists onto is somewhat better though be- BMG/RCA the international scene. The talent cause as a ballad it has more represented on this album really emotion and freshness to the opened the door for the artists of melody than Helix's version Lan Thomas-nice lid--what, are you from the 'me L/ast week focused on the 60's the 80's...They were taking on the does. Ifyou liked the Helix cover, generation' or something? but this week's volume looks at big guys, winning the battle for you'll probably like ...Cold the early 70's. While in the 60's, recognition and all the while Water's version better. like a cross between or at least on Volume I, there was building a fan popularity of There are some larger names and bass line. A definite toe tap- Neil Young and the singer a predominance of R & B, on this tremendous proportions." Pretty on the album, too. Lighthouse per that, for some reason, reminds for America. A cassette there is more rock and, glowing things to say about does "One Fine Morning" which me a little bit of Max Webster in nice combination, believe me. (cringe), 'easier listening' Canuck bands in the early 70's if you've seen the commercial for the quirky kind of arrangement Except Thomas sings on key. material. but they are true to a certain ex- the 'best of Canadian rock' on Then there's The Stampeders' There are a few corny songs The 70's were an important tent; look at some of the material TV then you've seen and heard a "Sweet City Woman". A Cana- that have been dated and might time for rock music in Canada. on this particular volume. portion of this song. Good, up- dian classic. It makes fine use of once have been great but now are Canadian artist were starting to Ever heard of Keith Hamp- beat guitar riff, horn section ala a banjo and should maybe be the kinda silly and embarrassing; Ca- Chicago. Very catchy. new national anthem for this nadians do know how to write a Crowbar's "Oh, What a Feel- country. schmaltzy, gooey, pompous bal- Faceby ing" (you know that beer com- Then there are some huge lad. But, for the songs and artists From mercial on the radio with the names. April Wine, "Could Have mentioned above and for a few choppy, quick light strumming Been A Lady" and lan Thomas not mentioned the album is and the repetition of "oh, what a (brother of Dave), "Painted definitely worth the memories it to Havana feeling... what a rush"? You prob- Ladies". The latter sounds like calls up and the great songs you ably do. An excellent tune that is the group America but is an ex- won't, but should, hear on some There's New Music In The Air R & B based with a great groove cellent number; Thomas sounds 'classic hits' station. N.Y Opera shines strong

by Carolyn Saunders Touring Opera Co. made their ap- "opera business". This would pearance and a fine impression at have been a seemingly viable When love comes to town I'm the Centre in the Square. Their solution until all power was lost gonna catch that train... performance of Mozart's and the stage fell into complete 'Marriage of Figaro' not only darkness. We sat for about five stunned the audience, but also furiously 29 Palms - The band from Faceby, minutes while techies are certain things in life many of the troupe. Due to tech- to regain light England, population 250. Tlhere tried and sound. that exceed the normal pleasure nical difficulties the opera came this feat was done, the Songs that bring to mind the very best of When of mere eating and breathing. One to a complete halt during the first curtains raised only to the sight of Van Morrison, Elvis Costello and John Hiatt. of these things is opera. act and, stunned, the actresses makeup artist caught in the Featuring Magic Man, Ivan Ho and the February 15 the New York tried to fill the emptiness with act of touch-up. At this point the Teddy's Song. audience, no longer able to polite, roared with | restrain the laughter. It was slapstick that Mozart would have loved. Upon the end of modem folly, Hi|p« mm TAKE A FIELD TRIP the true lovely nature of Mozart's touring ?£% humour began. This SI ■ trS 1 a I troupe consisting of budding TO THE PRAIRIES opera stars gave to the audience both the beauty and the nagging to the Mm AT A PRICE THAT'S wit of Mozart. Liberetto opera was provided above the stage so that those not fluent in ■ DIRT CHEAP , Italian would still be allowed the lan- Havana 3 a.m. - Rebel rock with a groove knowledge of this romantic TRAVEL CUTS can make a trip to the Prairies, or anywhere else, modern featuring Paul Simonon, bassist for The Clash. guage. The translations to a very affordable journey. We'll sow you a deal that cant be beat! day English became almost as Take a sonic journey from Kingston to Memphis hilarious as the opera itself. from The Ventures to Ennio Morricone and all The soprano and contralto points in between. Includes Reach The Rock 170 University Ave. W. Waterloo 519-886-0400 leads completely stole the show and The Hardest Game. ONT. REG. # 2592241 through their amazing per* formances as the Countess and AVAILABLE NO W AT her nephew. ir^TRAVELCUTS At the completion of the eve- ning not only did everyone leave in love with Mozart, but also £wflfcXkrtaitb? GoingYourWay! marvelling at this young troupe s & most amazing flexibility, allow- ing the show to be hampered by nothing. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly Thursday March 28,1991 scene 21 Toronto Dance Theatre very unique by Roxanne Chartrand dancers was strong individuals audience through the many stages trations they encounter each day. dancers jumping and wiggling each contributing a perfected per- of human emotion. The movements portray love/hate around on stage dressed up in for relationships, the emotional what looked like the remains a Toronto Dance Theatre formance the audience. One of the most interesting in The breakdown of people in society, trash can - green and brown presented a very unique and inter- The Toronto Dance Theatre, aspects of modern dance is its esting performance at the one of the pioneers of modern ability to convey back to the the state of dependency on others, pieces of material stuck to their and friendships. leotards and wigs of the same Humanities Theatre on March dance, used three different people watching the dance the in- material. Interestingly enough, Bth. The company of fourteen presentations to guide the ner feelings and modern day frus- In "Fifteen Heterosexual this performance could be inter- preted as a presentation of what appearance the human race will Re-enacting the flag take once toxic waste becomes a more prominent issue in society. raising at Iwajima. The third sequence had three men give a riveting performance each using the strength of the other to make his own per- formance stronger. This dance se- quence suggests, perhaps, a Duets", there was a procession of homosexual relationship between fifteen duets presenting an inter- three men. It could also represent esting interweaving of human ac- the strength each individual has tions and emotions. This per- and the need of the others to feed formance was effected in blocks off that strength. All I can say is of five duets. Each block moved that this was a definitely mag- through different types of rela- nificent piece of artwork. There tionships moving from a state of are no other words I can possibly dependency to one of friendship, use to describe it. then to one of melancholy and In all, the barren plateau finally to one of a combination of theme of this complete sequence them all. of dances (Fjeld) was emphasized The dancers were costumed in by stark contrasts in themes, very bland colours letting their bleak music, bland costuming facial expressions and their with earth tone colouring, and a movements interpret the emotions morose coloured setting (black they wanted to portray. Frantic background with dark coloured movements as well as strikingly lighting). violent ones represented the ten- Finally, in "Sunrise", all the sion that can be felt in a dis- dancers made an appearance on integrating relationship. On the stage to present an interesting other hand, soft and swaying performance about the death of movements represented the calm the 19th century. The dancers atmosphere between two com- performed with precise move- patible people. ments and the coordination be- In "Fjeld", from the Nor- tween each dancer was wonderful wegian referring to a barren to observe. This performance, ac- plateau, the dancers appeared cording to the choreographer upon the stage in five different David Earle, represents the sequences. Only three of them romance, heroism and pursuit of were truly interesting to observe. freedom that the 19th century em- The first one presented a male bodied. dancer as a Godhead figure with female dancers each taking their The Toronto Dance Theatre turn to cling to him. He pro- presented an excellent modern ceeded to slowly walk from one performance. Even though many corner of the stage to the other ballet companies are attempting while at the same time shrugging to become more modern in their one woman to take up another presentations, not one company and carry her further down the can be compared to the work of stage. This very simple sequence the TDT. It was one of the could represent the need of pioneers of modern dance and it people to look up to someone in continues to be innovative in its order to make progress in life less presentations of this form of difficult. The "Footsteps" poem dance. If you are a fan of modern came to mind while I was watch- dance, I strongly suggest that you ing this dance procession. attempt to view, at least once, this The next sequence was very company's wonderfully bright light with the whole company of performances. SHOOTERS A " ' A 65 UNIVEiF I ikVE W SB 6TBI SUNDAYS ARE STARVING / FRIDAY NITES!

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* 8:30 - 11:30 / Giveaways every 15 min. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 22 scene Thursday March 28,1991 No band-aid for musicians Surgical Groove, best described by Michael Werner on guitar as, "five students trying to defy the apathy of this school", kicked off the night. Their music is charac- terized by strong vocal harmonies supplied by the newly recruited Grace "I'm still single" Dueck while a complex melody is maintained by some intricate gui- tar picking. They were quickly followed by "blues purists" Ice River, pre- viously named Bad Signe, who provided the only blue notes of the entire night complete with a wailing sax and slinky harmonica playing. Even though their lead guitarist was absent they ap- Jim Mclntyre swallows the microphone. He's trying to peared confident and relaxed. Grace Dueck doesn't swallow the mic and the reasons kick the habit; it's hard though. pic: \yar(j Black Bassist Ed Ruske explained that it are obvious. didn't matter to them if they by Chris Skalkos The turnout was pitiful to say the played in a full or empty venue, pic: Ward Black least. Any lecture hall on campus "we're here to have a good time". could have held the number of Talent Night winners The Ronny And The Law ap- organized gathering of Laurier's people at the Turret that night, Mourning After held the third peared to be the headliners of the top rockers. Through events such E/arlier this month WLU's and my grandmother's annual spot on the bill and no matter night, not because they were last, as this, WLU has repeatedly newly formed Musicians' backyard tea-party boasted more how many times I see these guys but because they were responsible proven that it houses a number of Network Club introduced their people than this event. they never cease to surprise me. for attracting a majority of the talented musicians. Yet the first annual-and-Laurier's-only "This is like high school," ex- Their set featured well played people there. This talented bunch apathy that exists on campus Battle of the Bands extravaganza. plained the disappointed club originals off of the Campus delivered a variety of cover tunes deprives our bands the support This event featured four live president Jason Love pointing to Grown cassette like the catchy that ranged from Dwight and recognition they deserve. bands, two of whom are on the the many empty seats. "It doesn't pop-flavour of "Sunrise" which Yokum's "Little Sister" to Pink It's upsetting to think that if club's Campus Grown 1991 cas- seem like the school is respond- contrasted sharply against the Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" to the students of Laurier had a sette tape. ing to our efforts," he added. dark foreboding message and a reggae version of the most pop- choice between supporting What was originally planned "If this was held at Mac, it twisted punk sounds of "Really ular re-make song of the nineties, campus club sponsored events to be a launching pad for the new would be packed," a band mem- Me". Two Zeppelin riffs were Bob Dylan's "Knocking On and bands, or quivering their cassette in the form of a live per- ber from McMaster University cleverly inserted in the middle of Heaven's Door". tushes to the techno-pop-music- formance for the students of commented. "Live acts are a reg- their set-your-cat-on-fire tune However the night was not an placebo of The Twist on a Satur- Laurier, actually turned out to be ular thing over there and our called "Still Waiting" before entire loss as the people who did day night...campus clubs like the a show for the band members' bands are appreciated." erupting into a Kink's tune, their attend had a great time in show- Musicians' Network may cease fans and a small U of W crowd. Despite the lack of support, only cover of the night. ing their appreciation for this to exist. I TOP 10 111 X «fl\ RENTED MOVIES s&Atfr For the week of Mar. 28 -Apr. 4

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7) Pump Up The Volume CD EMPORIUM 8) Duck Tails - Treasure of the Lost Land 402 KING ST. N. 747-2166

9) State of Grace —

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*'* ? " special events _ "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly Thursday March 28,1991 scene 23 Vincent and Theo: "There is a God." Clearly, this isn't a cheerful open wound". Meanwhile, Rhys' tale, but Altman is not the type to limbs are always darting about have a bad attitude about such uncontrollably. He looks as if he things. He's a true humanitarian, could, at any moment, fall off a and he allows us to be touched by cliff. the characters' intimacy, ap- preciate the fall-out from the un- bearably high stakes, and enter as " he looks like much as we can into the mind of the passionate seer. There is a lot of painting going on this film: an open wound" Vincent is always playing with his brushes and tubes, colouring his skin, scribbling crazy slogans on the wall, and even Theo puts Editors Francoise Coispeau make-up on his face after his and Geraldine Peroni, with lover abandons him. When Vin- cinematographer Jean Lepine, cent cuts his ear, it's a moment of have come up with an emotional horror for us, but the filmmakers and aesthetic rhythm quite unlike have made it plausible by show- anything I've seen. Altman's in- ing us that Vincent is incapable of fluence is invisible yet potent; it's Vincent just used to paint decapitated heads, bowls of That thing on the not fruit. separating himself from his work, there in the way the pieces fit to- left was a gift. from his canvas. He probably gether. All the details are right, regards his own blood as an inter- from Gabriel Yared's dramatic, esting example melancholic score (almost as real logic, and you end up feeling play his girlfriend and wife, of texture, line, by JenniferEpps miraculously suited to the film as as if you have spent the whole respectively), Vincent's dis- and colour. performances the music in M*A*S*H was) to film looking through a window, astrous attempt to share lodgings The immaculate of the British leads, Roth the close-up painting that opens is a truism, perhaps, to say overhearing bits of conversation, with the painter Paul Gauguin and It Rhys, are so palpable that, even and closes the movie, its brush that artists are often lonely crea- glimpsing secrets. It has that sort (Wladimir Yordanoff), and the after the movie is you can strokes like emotions, like tures, but filmmaker Robert Alt- of reverberation, the sort when downward spiral of Vincent's over, mania and Theo's feel them standing beside you. thoughts. man manages to transcend the ob- you understand something impor- self-destructive failing health. When Vincent sketches his nude Vincent and Theo are two viousness of that thought in his tant about people you know but to art- model, he looks at her with the characters who went to hell and portrait of Vincent Van Gogh's aren't sure what to do with the in- Pain and commitment eyes of an artist of a man, never tortured life. The movie's great formation. istic endeavor tie the siblings to- and si- made it back. But when hu- gether, though they're usually multaneously. When Theo's un- man beings are able to a coup is to insist on telling Theo The film has an ironic begin- make happiness results in an outburst as exquisite as this, can't Van Gogh's story as well. Vin- ning. The voice of a modern day separated by distance and quar- film you against some frivolous gallery help thinking "There is a God." cent and Theo traces the parallel auctioneer at Christie's casually rels. Theo cares about Vincent's guests, he works up to it by star- lives of painter and patron; we calls out million-dollar figures for painting just as intensely as Vin- does, ing fixedly at their ridiculous at see how difficult it was for Theo, one of Van Gogh's paintings, and cent but the straight jacket Playing the Princess Cine- little dog. Roth slumps along, op- 28-April an art curator, to live in the real Altman carries this voice into the of respectability and responsibili- ma, March 3; also at pressed from within. My mother Guelph Shelf, April world, handle Vincent's ex- next scene, where a grubby Vin- ty (and blame) leads him to resent the Book would say that he "looks like an penses, and play nicey-nice with cent (Tim Roth), lying on a bare the artist. 12-17. the public he despised and feared, bed in a dingy room, glares at his the public who wouldn't buy the older brother (Paul Rhys). And so results of his brother's sweat, we are plunged into the squalor blood, and tears. and despair that surrounded the There is a tremendous, attrac- making of the now famous works. tive brittleness to Altman's achievement. He has captured something so elusive that it seems tremendous just about to slip off the screen — as if he had caught a fairy, or attractive made us hear one hand clapping. brittleness It's an original, like so many Alt- man films (such as M*A*S*H*, Popeye, Fool for Love, and Julian Mitchell's script selects Come Back to the Five and the important events and fashions Dime, Jimmie Dean, Jimmie them into very effective scenes: Dean) and in many ways it's Vincent's relationship with a "difficult," because you have to prostitute who models for him both bring something of yourself (Jip Wijngaarden), Theo's to it and abandon your expecta- syphilis and love troubles (Anne tions. The action has its own very Canovas and Johanna Ter Steege Student directors by Jana Watson

Several good things about Laurier are its aspiring directors. As a requirement for the full year directing course, the students in the class direct a one-act play. This includes everything from choos- ing and in-depth analysis of the play to casting and directing the ac- tors. The actors chosen are student volunteers who are interested in

theatre. luQSSmSHI No. It's just a disc - not unlike those found at Dr. Disc; earth base for "It allows the actors to get a chance on stage," said Peter Roose, thousands of new and used records, cassettes and CDs. one of the directors. "It's a growing, learning experience for all of us," he added. It's time then to visit the Doctor, located at 146King St. W. in the The course, English 326/349, is taught this year by a guest lec- heart of downtown Kitchener (see photo). We're open from 10am to 10pm Monday turer, Steven Thome. He monitors progress of the plays and acts as an thru Saturday and now from 2pm to 9pm on Sunday, (our phone # is 743-831 5) adviser to the student directors. The Wednesday performances include Snow Angel, directed by Laura McLennan, The Zoo Story, with Peter Roose directing and The Chinese Restaurant Syndrome as directed by Alisa Krause. Thursday's productions are A Slight Ache directed by Kelly DtDfeC Judge and Graceland directed by Kelly McFazden. The plays will be performed in IEI March 3 and March 4 begin- JUNES THAT ARE OUT-OF THIS WORLD ning at 8 pm. All students are welcome to attend, free of charge. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 24 scene Thursday March 28,1991 One hot touring apparition by Stephen Gracey nuclear power plant? Answer: Ist. The Toronto based band con- The Phantoms. sists of four members: guitarist The Phantoms, the hottest Joe Toole, drummer Gregory band touring the Southern- Ray, bassist Ben Richardson and hat has eight legs, two gui- Ontario bar circuit, played Jerome Godboo, lead singer and tars, a set of drums and produces Johnny Be Good, a new rock 'n harmonica player. more energy than the Pickering roll club in Cambridge, on March The Phantoms' musical style originate from classic blues and influences from such legendary blues acts as Johnny Winter and Canned Heat account for the band's blues-rock sound. Travell- ing with an entourage of original songs and a captivating stage show, The Phantoms are estab- lishing a large following. You have to see The Phantoms live to experience all that the band has to offer. Jerome Godboo exhibits a raw energy that very few bands (past or pres- ent) can attest to. Godboo's body is an instrument, and he plays it well. The songs move him with a force, contorting his body as he writhes around the stage, the dance floor and into the crowd. Godboo has been compared to Jim Morrison and rightfully so. He bears a remarkable physical resemblance to Morrison, as well as a similar interest in the spiritual/mystical world. "Never say die," and "My spirit lives on," were among the spiritual mes- Joe Toole gets off on that dorian scale as singer Jerome sages Godboo conveyed to the audience. Phantoms' lyrics are Godboo looks off and thinks about clean apple undies. filled with Godboo's personal philosophies on life; he says what pic: James Neilson he wants and does what he feels. The show included most of fortunate to arrive early and was means to him. "Home is apple ANYWHERE ELSE the tracks off of The Phantoms' rewarded with a perfect view of pie, home is clean underwear," debut album titled "Pleasure Pup- the band's explosive per- with that he pulled down his pets". Songs such as "Heavenly formance. pants and displayed his clean un- Girl", "Suspicious", and "Life Mid-way through the show, derwear to the audience. Like A Wheel" were performed The Phantoms introduced their hit After a 60 minute, non-stop in front of the capacity crowd. song "Home". "This is our hit... set, concluding with the political- The band also incorporated a no this is just another song," ex- ly oriented song "Big Bad number of previously unrecorded plained guitarist Joe Toole. The World", The Phantoms left the tunes into the show. Among the audience went nuts and stormed stage. Their absence was short EVERYONE new songs were Alive", lived as "I'm the dance floor upon hearing the the screaming audience "New Man Now" and "All My catchy riff that begins the song. brought the band back for an en- Love" which were greeted with After singing "Home", God- core. "Stay", written and sung by applause and enthusiasm. I was boo began to explain what home drummer Gregory Ray, finished IS AT THE the show. Ontario Home is clean ®ConegesandUniversities Student umario Assistance underwear Program I had a chance to talk with 1991-92 Godboo after the show. When asked if a new album was in the making, he replied that they have v*r enough songs for two albums. He then offered the name for the next Phantoms' album: "Beer Drinkers SATURDAYS and Meditators". Gregory Ray remarked that they didn't know what to expect because Johnny he OSAP application forms for the 1991-92 Be Good is a new bar, but were pleased with year at your added that they academic will soon be available the show and the turnout. FREE B4 9£ financial aid office. The Phantoms popularity is growing rapidly as they continue The OSAP application form allows you to apply to pack clubs and concert halls DON'T BE DISAPPOINTED for: across Canada. With two songs ("Home" and "Stay") receiving • Canada Student Loan extensive air play, and other GET HERE EARLY • Ontario Student Loan songs such as "Suspicious" start- ing to gain commercial recogni- • Ontario Study Grant tion, The Phantoms are well on their way to fame and glory. Yet, MARCH 16 ST. PAD For additional information contact your financial they seem to be keeping it aU in aid administrator. perspective, "You know you've made it when a peeler uses three of your songs in her set," DY'S remarked Ray. Witnessing The PARTY! is experi- DAY an Apply Early! Phantoms' concert 341 Marsland Drive, Waterloo ence that you definitely do not want to miss. "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly Thursday March 28,1991 scene 25 Get struck by Graham Parker by Graham Parker. In fact, I've bled crap that is usually described Sometimes lovers hammer in their never heard an album by Graham as "pop" music. Instead this has own nails Parker. In fact, I've never got some imperfections, some I justread how universes start reviewed an album. But when rawness, some bloody honesty, Continually they blow apart Scene Editor Guy E. was all accompanied by some tantaliz- And it shook me and I'm still scrounging through the leftovers ing tempos. shaking now. of the leftovers in the leftover In fact, I would call it very Cool. tape drawer and said that I could Elvis Costelloish (or maybe This album is loaded. You got keep the tape if I wrote something Costello is Parkeresque, hell if I your reminiscent songs of idealist about it I said "yeehaw" because I know) which I think is a good youth ("The Kid With The But- knew at the worst I could pawn it thing. If there are Gods of melody terfly Net), the eccentric but hip for something good at Dr. Disc. and if they have defined what ("They Murdered The Clown") Anyway, this is the verdict on righteous pop music is I'm sure and the lonely and remorseful Graham Parker true Graham Parker's Struck by both Parker and Costello are kinda bluesy ("Wrapping Paper"). Struck By Lightning The clock just keeps ticking as if Lightning. Damn cool. mentioned. The most honest song, the most RCA you're not there This album mixes witty lyrics Okay, so there are a few sappy philosophical song, the song in Man it either drags you down or and witty music. It isn't that tunes, like the mushy "Strong which Parker tells us that he's Every page had something to say it lifts you studio-perfected, perfectly sung, Winds" and"The Sun Is Gonna going through big changes in his But one thing that struck me as I've never reviewed an album drum machine led, originality Shine Again" but overall it's a life, "A Brand New Book", is the solid album. As mentioned, these best song on the album though, songs have a lot of honesty and I once read the story of some- everyday humour in them. In body's life "Children and Dogs", Parker I had a few moments to spare More complains that he had to buy a He was a good man who lived Morrissey (sigh) dog for his kid and that it's taking with his wife up all his time, With the usual kids in his hair Kill Uncle Frank" and in "Asian Rut", which Grogan who exclusively listen to Now I'm outside freezing to death There was happiness a lot of Morrissey paints a vulgar picture of racial good old Rock & Roll, it will be a Just walking the dog weirdness Sire Records violence in England. total waste of your time to even Instead of throwing myself at my And a sprinkle of tragedy The music on this album look at this album. However, if wife I pulled it by chance from a sec- Don't worry, "Little Man shows an incredibly diverse range you can handle something more I'm throwing a log. ond hand bin What Now?" Terry Grogan. of styles. From the bluesy bass imaginative, if you can under- Even his songs about love are But it could've been written just You'll find that many critics line in "King Lear", to the hard- stand cynicism and you can enjoyable because they have wit for me. agree with the infantile state- edged, funky "Found Found tolerate men who openly display and originality, something lack- Anyway, this is a damn good ments in your last "review". Real Found", Morrissey changes musi- their humanity and vulnerability, ing in your average top ten pop album with damn good lyrics and critics even. The fact that a male cal techniques as often as he you might like this one. It's one tune about this topic (i.e. the stan- damn good music. And it's a musician actually displays feel- changes shirts. "There's A Place of those albums you either ab- dard boy meets girl or vice versa, damn good bargain too. Fifteen ings and emotions more complex In Hell For Me and My Friends solutely despise, or completely one leaves and the other moans songs, almost a whole hour's than "She was a fast machine..." (sic)" exposes Morrissey's vocal love. I love it. 5 stars. about it forever crap). This is worth of ear pleasure. Buy it or has been enough to warrant death talents to perfection. Backed by seen best in "And It Shook Me," borrow it but get it. wishes from many like yourself. only a piano, Morrissey softly Will you hold on and hope our In "Sing Your Life", Morris- croons about the inevitability of Chris Ariens grip don'tfail Jimmy Boyce sey explains his musical philoso- death. phy. "Others sang your life / but The second half of the album Panties 3for $5.00 now's your chance to shine / and does seem to drag on a little bit, have the pleasure of meaning because four songs in a row are what you sing. / Oh, make no very slow, including the gems (Pantyhose + Unfits $1.00 each mistake, my friend. / All of this "Driving Your Girlfriend Home" will end / So sing it now. / All the and"(I'm) The End of the Family Teddies $5.00 each things you love / All the things Line". "Driving..." has much the you loathe." Somehow, I can't same ambience of the Smiths see anything that isn't admirable classic, "There is a Light That (Panty + (Bra Sets $7.99 each in that open and honest style of Never Goes Out". When listening writing. to that song, you feel like you're Houstiers $ 739 Backing up Morrissey's actually driving a car down a 2for unique, thought-provoking vocals dark, country road with the rain are Mark E. Nevin from Fair- beating down on the windshield. ras 3for f5.00 I ground Attraction on guitars, "(I'm) The End of the Family Bedders from ska-boys Bad Man- Line" shows Morrissey's deeply- ners on the bass, and Andrew rooted desire to have children, Paresi on drums. Steve Heart and evidenced by the lyric: "No baby Seamus Beaghen add keyboards pulled screaming / Out into this to make up for the lack of Johnny seething whirl / by chance or Marr. Nawazish Ali Khan adds whim / or even love?" international flavour with his Kill Uncle is not for every- t violin in the first single, "Our body. For those you like Terry 1 of v A in Music Notes by Chris Skalkos

1968**The Rolling Stones filmed their Rock'rißoll Circus TV spe- cial in London highlighting the formation of the one-time "super- group" comprising John Lennon, Keith Richards, Eric Clapton and drummer Mitch Mitchell from The Jimi Hendrix Experience.

1978**Muddy Waters, dressed in his best suit and tie, played at Jimmy Carter's White House Picnic.

1988**The Grateful Dead proved they're still alive and kicking as they played nine sold-out dates at New York's Madison Square Gar- dens, breaking there. Am^or^ Neil Diamond's house record

STAR QUOTE lingerie "Love is 2 minutes and 50 seconds ofsquelching noises." Johnny theory on romance. Rotten's (519) 725-0261 "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 26 scene Thursday March 28, 1991 Rheostatics cynical and good love becomes a snowbank". good "Lying's Wrong", but play good, honest music. Perhaps this kind of thing, the album's not your A Honest. deeper, more intrusively, as in the album's best song, "Horses" for you. snowbank. Think "Jane Siberry", if she their angst-stifling-Indian- starts off sort of talky-singy- They with outdoors-suicide-youth song, rambly; They're Canadian. were four angry young men, progresses to a yelling, -- have one song called "Sas- car, no dog. "Record Body Count" the heavy drums, loud guitar denoun- an old but katchewan"; another, a slightly not from Man- Rheostatics are more than just a cement of unions or big faceless They're French song ("J'ai Well, not. brooding, sardonic rock group companies (or both, I'm not pretentious chester. they're decid6 d'ecrire / En pour They're cynical. Not just the THEY'RE DAMN GOOD. sure); and then goes most of the out cette chansons / Ce n'est pas les obligatory, "Because I never Check this album. Really. way back to angry-talky-singy- mots, la / parle change...l'm always the Please. rambly. c'est m6lodie Qui avec clartd"); and even these same/Because I don't believe in Most of the album is an ex- Aug-Juan "Chip" / I see", in their very Eitsen ploration of simple guitar, drum lyrics: "I'll follow your trail 'til things can't and vocal manoeuvres. It's a down-to-Earth, un-slick, recorded in three days, rock 'n' roll album. They're offensive. Sorta. They're a bit sacrilegious, they say "tits" once, and they refer to Lenny Bruce's ten-letter word; if you're the type of university stu- dent who has to be protected from it's a record review, for the [Up&Coming| Rheostatics (nifty guys), called / If you happen to be headin' to Hamilton tonight were here during Frosh Week oh those many/ Intrepid "Melville" produced by \ you may want to catch Jack DeKyzer at Aztex. moons ago... j Records.... / He'll be at Johnny Be Good in Cambridge (why ( ) isn't it spelled Caim-bridge?) on Friday. Here's something good about Laurier-student/ ( plays. 'Snowangel', 'The Zoo Story' and 'The) controversy What with the / YAW! Making their unheralded and triumphant Chinese Restaurant Syndrome' on Wednesday! around the Cord recently, it \ return from entertaining the troops in the Gulf, War and 'A Slight Ache' and 'Graceland' on Thursday) seems the New Kids on the Block / Wagon is with Roy 'Deadlines' Ellis at Morty's in IEI at 8 pm. All productions are one act and all\ us promo have stopped sending I on Friday. Good show, man. are directed by students and feature students and Anyway, there were none I albums. V admission is free. 1 when I looked; so I picked around / If anyone is left in town this weekend (maybe two 112 of new cas- from Guy's grab-bag \ or three of you, or maybe you'll come back early And now for something a little different and a lot) settes and pulled out Melville, the 112 just for this. I will.) head out to Maryhill to see the interesting. The Waterwalker Film and Video\ Rheostatics' new album. Well, ) Salt Lake City based Bourbon Tabernacle Choir Festival celebrates films and videos on canoeing/ they're no New Kids, or for that \ on Saturday. They'll be at the Horseshoe in T.O. on and kayaking and on the preservation of our natural 1 matter, group any other of detest- / Thursday (today). I'm there. environment. There will be films from all over thel fact, able people. They are, in 1 world and a 'best of package will hit the Princess) they're.... ( well Sail down to see Glider at Stages on Sunday-they on April 4 and 5. Should be a great viewing. \ They're good. The 'Statics -You've Found the Place—

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PHIL'S GRANDSON'S PLACE Across From The Athletic Complex Department of the Secretary Secretariat d'Etat Y"1 £1 20 Cent Wings All the Time. of State of Canada du Canada XCA-VXCA. Canada Student Programme canadien 888-7663 Loans Program de prets aux etudiants "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 28 scene Thursday March 28, 1991 Music Faculty a dream come true of their performances. Tough, eh? music and when there is some- ence is quite painless. In fact, it's You probably know a Music thing going on that I have ab- mind expanding. If the event Left of the dial major. Ask he/she/them about solutely no clue as to what it is all sounds interesting, then I'll go what is going on; they'll be able about I'll ask him 'What is it all and I usually enjoy it. by Guy Etherington to tell you about it in terms that about? What is it like?' He tells Try it sometime. What's hold- you can understand. That's what I me in terms my non-music major ing you back? Your closed mind do with my roommate; he's in mind can grasp and the experi- and some irrational fears? could and should give the Faculty I love music and this school is a more press attention. I apologize; music lover's wet dream. I've been kinda lazy. You deserve We have a great music facul- more attention from the Cord, but ty; some of the most talented you also deserve more attention people I have ever met come out from students. I'm pretty sure the of the Aird Building. Walk rest of the students have a vague Life as a big bug through the Aird Building some- idea as to what goes on with per- time if you can find your way formances and recitals but they're through the maze of hallways and just too unconcerned to take a by Jimmy Boyce Gregor's parents find out they have the nightmare large egos. Listen to people couple of hours to enrich their of cockroaches as a room-mate. Surprise surprise rehearse-beautiful, simply beau- lives with the bevy of talent that when they want their money back. I phoned the tiful. is displayed throughout the year. housing office and they said they'd never had such English When I was in first year, A lot of the stuff is free (Concerts Okay, I ain't no major. So when some- a complaint although they admitted it would be Macdonald House was the home at Noon on Tuesdays and Thurs- one told me that The Metamorphosis by Franz pretty damn valid in court. of the Faculty of Music. Early in days) or very cheap for students. Kafka would broaden me culturally and make me a Okay, back to The Metamorphosis. I did read the morning I would walk to class better person I thought I'd give it a try (plus it was some reviews of this story and found them very You should get over there and only fifty-five pages long). contradictory. One critic said that Gregor's enjoy- and I would hear a voice. A voice see some of the stuff that goes on. Okay, now I'm going to tell you the whole story ment of his sister's violin playing suggested he still that may have been rough and un- amazing; things It's these aren't in four words: as a bug. Well, not just a bug, had distinct human tendencies. Fine. But then the tamed to the trained ear but to my done for the hell of it; they're life Philistine ear it gave me a great but a really big bug. same critic stated that the exact opposite could be done because the people involved Yep, salesman Gregor Samsa wakes up one interpreted, that Gregor might have experienced the deal of pleasure. Many people I are going to do this as a career. It also enjoyed hearing her morning and finds out he's got a hard shell and a music on a "primitive emotional basis." Make up know doesn't take a modern day vocal calls and wails as they slew of thin wiggling legs. Needless to say his fam- your mind! Socrates to figure out that the per- echoed around the outside of ily and his boss (not to mention Gregor) are a little Personally, I think the backbone of this story is formers are dam good. Macdonald House. It was a per- surprised and upset. The rest of the story is about its empiricism. It's a lot like the movie The Fly. It fect way to begin the day- And as for that line 'classical Gregor's experiences as a bug and the reactions of takes a guy, turns him into an insect, and then out- hearing such a gifted vocalist music is too imposing and it others to his bugginess. lines his experiences from there. It's wacky, off- using her talent well. I don't scares me', well, they do jazz and Is this great literature? Well, I was told that it's a the-wall, and yes, I have to admit it, there is a lot of know who she was but I thank popular music as well. No type of desperate scream about alienation. Alienation alienation stuck in. And I have to admit it is kind of her for those moments. music is imposing if you start shmalieanation, this sounds like an assignment I cool considering it was written way back in 1915 One of the things that you can listening to it and become famil- would get in creative writing class: please write a (and to think that Kafka asked to have all his works bitch about with the music faculty iar with how it works. And all short story in which you assume the character of a burnt when he died). So if you're weird, like weird is the lack of attention it gets. you have to do to become famil- really big bug. things, do weird things, like insects or just want to That's a pretty darn ironic thing iar with the music the Faculty of Not that there aren't a few funny moments in the see life from the point of view of one, pick up the to say coming from a person who Music performs is to attend one story. Like when the people renting a room from The Metamorphosis. THE ENVIRONMENTAL YOUTH CORPS Vi *i \ /w EARN MONEY WHILE YOU GIVE

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Information on the Environmental Youth Corps is available The EYC is sponsored by the Ontario VjV-V*>-V *_>>,' ' - at your school placement office or career centre, and your Ministries of Agriculture and Food, Environment, local Canada Employment Centre for Students, or by Natural Resources, Northern Development and Mines, calling the Youth Hotline at 1-800-387-0777. W' and Tourism and Recreation. (c^| Youth and community-based organizations working together for Ontario's environment, lyi Ontario Cette information est egalement disponible en frangais. Thursday March 28,1991 Brock Greenhalgh, Editor 29 SPORTS WCHS clinic a huge success by Brock Greenhalgh Golden Hawks' trainer Sheila Cord Sports Bauman is also the CIAU spokesperson on drug abuse and This past Saturday saw the led a video presentation "Drugs in first annual Waterloo County Sport". High Schools Football Clinic take A skills clinic took place in place, and the event was an over- the Athletic Complex after the whelming success. Co- presentations dealing with all of ordinators, Jim Sekerak and Dar- the fundamentals of the sport. It rin Davidson had planned the was this part of the day that the clinic as part of their require- students couldn't get enough of. ments for Physical Education A great time was had by all as the 242, the same course that brought high school athletes had a chance us the cannonball contest last to come together and learn from week. The clinic was open to all one another. high school football players, but Lunch and awards were made centred mostly on senior grades. possible by the sponsorship of Both Davidson and Sekerak Little Caesars, Pizza Hut, Pizza would like to see the clinic to be- Pizza, Coca-Cola, Twin City come a yearly event, and use it as Trophies and Ed-Com Media Pro- a tool to help tie Wilfrid Laurier ductions. University to the community. In the afternoon the Other members that helped in participants had a chance to show setting up the project include Tim off and develop certain skills. Smith who acted as the chairman, Various competitions were held Jeff Weddig, Shawn Plamondin, and the first place results are as Rob Malich and Dave Barg. follows: BENCH PRESS: (tie) These students worked with Ryan Hunter of Gait Secondary

"You have to me. . Professor Jeff Maslanka School and Dimitri got be kidding Me against6 him? . in Haddad of pic: Chris Skalkos making the clinic possible. Resurrection S.S. 40 YARD Over fifty high school athletes DASH: Dimitri Haddad (4.65 Jeff Maslanka has already greater success is organization Jim Sekerak hopes that every were present at the clinic as well sees.) SHUTTLE DRILL: Cam promised to run the event again and high profile speakers to bring athlete that came to the clinic as twenty staff members, includ- McLaughlin of Gait Secondary next year, and Davidson and more attention to the event. walked away learning at least one ing coaches from both the Uni- School VERTICAL JUMP: Ryan Sekerak hope that the clinic will All who attended the day long thing they hadn't known before. versity of Waterloo and WLU. Hunter (28 inches) DIPS AND continue to grow to become pos- clinic were impressed with what If this is the case, then the clinic Chris Triantifiliou did an excep- CHIN UPS: Elmor Shamon of sibly a two day camp. They they saw. Younger students asked was a success and should be con- tional job as the defensive back Resurrection with 32 and 20 would also like to see support whether or not it would run again tinued in the years to come. By coach. Alumni and present respectively. from other coaches in the OUAA. next year. They plan on playing inviting OUAA and high school players from the Golden Hawks Grade thirteen students were Coaches from the conference had ball in high school and see the coaches to Laurier for that one varsity team were also on hand to not invited to the clinic because been invited to the camp, but clinic as the perfect way of learn- day gives them a perfect op- help the youngsters learn and im- of OUAA recruitment laws most of them had earlier obliga- ing what they need to know to portunity to learn about what is prove on the fundamentals of the restricting universities from tions to meetings in Toronto. The play better and gain more from going on at both levels of compe- grid-iron game. bringing in high school students. two feel that the idea behind the sport. tition. The morning began for the Jim Sekerak and Darrin Davidson athletes in the Peters Building, would like to give a special where they sat through two hours thanks to Wally Delahey, Execu- of seminars on such topics as of- tive Director of the OUAA who fensive and defensive fundamen- cleared the event and offered his tals as well as drugs in athletics. support to the clinic. A final farewell by Andrew Bailey of the pesky Waterloo Warriors by a score of 5-4. Cord Sports Overtime games break hearts and create heroes. While the Black and Gold headed for heartbreak Despite the unfortunate fact that the Wilfrid hotel the hero was Alberta sniper Doug McCarthy Laurier Golden Hawks were not a part of the 1991 who dashed any UW delusions of a University Cup. CIAU hockey championship, the final four He converted a long relay burying the disk behind nevertheless featured some entertaining hockey. jaded Warrior puckstopper Steve Udvari in the thir- The top ranked and favourite UQTR Patriotes teenth minute of the second OT session lifting the dominated the Toronto tournament posting victories Bears to victory. The goal quieted the hundreds of over the UPEI Panthers and the University of Al- Warrior fans who journeyed to Varsity in hope of berta Golden Bears to capture their second ever Ca- seeing the UW capture their first title since 1974. nadian crown. Bill Moore's Bears (34-10-3, including exhibi- Last year the Hawkey Hawks knocked off Les tion and playoffs) were looking to earn a rare dis- Patriotes in the semi-final thanks mostly to the out- tinction: a victory against the 17-4-1 Patriotes. standing play of netminder Rob Dopson. This However, Dany Dube's slick skating Patriote squad year's edition of the championship featured another proved to be too much for the sluggish and ob- hot goalie: Trois Rivieres' Denis Desbiens. He led viously overmatched Golden Bears who had been the CIAU with a 2.28 goals against average during in search of their eighth national title in nineteen the regular season and entered the tourney with a appearances. 3.00 GA in the playoffs. Dube's troops strutted their stuff handily dis- Desbiens' scintillating play earned him tourna- posing of the rough and tumble underdogs with a 7- ment MVP distinctions, the same award Dopson 2 thumping. captured in 1990. Jean Bergeron tainted the scoresheet for the On Friday Desbiens backstopped Trois Rivieres Quebeckers only 46 seconds into the game. to a 4-3 win over the underdog Panthers. Heavily Minutes later the 24 year old tallied again convert- favoured UQTR had been expected to breeze by ing a power play supplying his team with an early UPEI but the islanders put forward a valiant effort 2-0 advantage that they would never relinquish. and made Les Patriotes work for a berth in the final. UQTR riddled the Bears with a three goal blitz At one point the Panthers held a 3-1 advantage, but in the middle frame and added a few more markers Les Patriotes showed their opponents a thing or two in the final period. Despite the lopsided result, Les They got a chance to show their stuff. about come-from-behind hockey. Patriotes managed a scant 19 shots at two Alberta pic: Chris Skalkos In the other semi-final on Saturday afternoon, it took the Golden Bears two extra frames to dispose continued on page 31 "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly 30 sports Thursday March 28,1991 please your byPlaceCraig Burt makebets for an exciting and surpris- associate with the NHL playoffs play situations like Dino Cic- fourth line obscurity to lead the Cord Sports ing playoff. is pools. Poolsters are always carelli, Denis Savard and Craig Washington Capitals in scoring One thing that should not scheming, trying to figure out Simpson are also strong choices. through three rounds. The year As the NHL schedule ap- come as a surprise is that at least everything that will happen in the Of all the contenders it would ap- before it was Chris Kontos ofLos proaches the final weekend, the one first place team will be four sets of series, so that they pear that only the Pittsburgh Angeles. However, unless you picture is nearly focused for the eliminated in the first round by a can pick the best possible team of Penguins are the class of their know the player personally and engagement of the second season, fourth place team. Since the last players. One important aspect to division and likely to go at least have the inside track on what he the springtime's special event, the major realignment of the NHL in note when selecting a team of two or three rounds. The of- has in store, this type of prog- road to Lord Stanley's coveted '81 -'82, there has been at least players is that the powerplay is fensive nature of their team nostication is virtually im- Cup. The final standings are yet one first place team ousted in the often the source of many goals in makes players like Lemieux, Cof- possible. Also rookie and second to be confirmed, but the top con- first round every year. The most the playoffs. This means that of- fey, Recchi, Francis and Stevens year players who are fresh to tenders for the precious piece of recent was last year's surprise fensive defencemen like Ray the men to take. Also, the emer- playoff play seem to give their silverware have all been identi- defeat of Calgary by Los Bourque, A 1 Macinnis and Chris gence of a surprise scoring star best effort and often turn out to fied. A list of top contenders Angeles. This means that a first Chelios are usually strong picks. has been a trend of late. Last year be strong picks. would have to include: the Bos- place finish does not necessarily Also players that thrive in power- John Druce came out of third and ton Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks, mean a date at the conference St. Louis Blues, Los Angeles finals. Kings, and Calgary Flames. This The most likely contenders list should also include the for upset would appear to be ring Montreal Canadiens because of Hartford over Boston and Min- their top-notch goaltender, nesota over Aroundby Mark the Mauler kickedthe at Savage after his loss but Virgii. Expect Dißiase to hire Chicago. Hartford Patrick Roy and because of their has had trouble all year but the Cord Sports was ousted by none other than Sherry as his new valet. perennial playoff history of suc- Bruins seem due for a fall after Elizabeth, who was sitting at The mysterious individual cess. The list could even reach fighting hard for a shot at first Wrestlemania results were no ringside. As Elizabeth and who always saves wrestlers from down to the Pittsburgh Penguins place overall. Also the goaltend- surprise to the Mauler. Every one Savage hugged each other the brutal post-match beatings has and the New York Rangers al- ing of Jon Casey in Minnesota of my win/loss predictions came fans cheered, children smiled, and turned out to be Brutus Beefcake. though they are considered by could be the difference in a true with the exception of the women cried...watching this It is not known whether Beefcake most to be weaker than their seven-game series. It would ap- Rockers vs. Haku and Barbarian. pathetic soap opera was sickening will return to the ring fulltime, or Adams opponents and less likely pear unlikely that either of these The Rockers double-teamed for the Mauler. Savage first enter- whether he has even fully to get into the Stanley Cup final. top teams could lose in the Haku for about a minute to score ed the WWF in the summer of recovered from his terrible Finally the list would have to in- playoffs. Sometimes a team fight- the pin. 1985 and hired Elizabeth within a parasailing accident last July 4. clude the Edmonton Oilers as the ing for a playoff spot will have "Macho King" Randy Savage is few weeks. He captured the Naturally, Hulk Hogan holds defending champions, despite a more intensity and momentum no longer active in the WWF. WWF Intercontinental the WWF World Championship poor season of play. If my addi- coming into a playoff series as a Sadly enough, he was beaten by Championship from Tito Santana again after narrowly defeating tion is correct that would make a huge underdog and this gives the Ultimate Warrior fair and in February 1986, the WWF Seargent Slaughter. The Sarge total of nine legitimate Stanley them the edge. square. Savage's valet Sensa- World Championship via tourna- might now leave the WWF while Cup contenders. This should Something that a lot of people tional Sherry screamed and ment in March 1988, and became General Adnan will manage the king of the WWF after dethron- Iron Shiek, who made his return ing "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan in to the WWF. The future of October 1989. Savage arguably Slaughter is undetermined, but had the best personality in the I'll bet he will no longer be any wrestling community and drew sort of spokesperson for G.I. Joe. HOW TO AVOID large crowds whenever he How much longer can the wrestled. He will be greatly WWF hold onto Hulk Hogan as missed. their champion? Hogan is getting HIGH COST OF Isn't it amazing how when- older, his wrestling days are run- THE ever someone turns from ning thin, and he may retire short- rulebreaker to good guy they in- ly. The WWF supposedly lost stantly become a better wrestler? money in ticket sales while the A SPRING BREAK I seem to recall when Virgil Ultimate Warrior was champion, worked for Ted Dißiase, he and will have a difficult time couldn't do anything except take replacing Hogan with someone ON VACATION. the blows from his boss! Sensa- who draws as many crowds as he tional Sherry, who is out of a job does. now, actually came to the rescue Tune in again next week mat of Ted Dißiase as he was getting fans, for more news on the WWF, f-n, l the pulp beat out of him by the only wrestling that matters. • \ •

V ' i L That s why, before your next trip, iivr-?r->r~ m>-,.. you'd be wise to take out a ( C \J /•"} 'yi Blue Cross travel health THE HIGHLANDSI \ . i ) plan. It's the best way to t Thurs. March 28 H J 4 y 112 1 r rr / protect yourself from unex- fc Sire with Forsot B ; • SV pected medical bills while travel- |* Friday March 29 ■ I \ n S outside of Canada. Jlino Award Winner I fFL t / , | To get the coverage you need, Sue Medley I ■» ( i "A ] call our convenient toll free num- Thurs. April 4 If i/ ber, 1-800-668-6262, and use |©f Wild Child £ ■ your credit card. Tribute to the Doors. / . H W ' ~ fi frf jj'{r. j| Or you can buy a Blue Cross Friday April 5-,1'.; 9 \ jfe.lj 112 travel plan where you bank, shop Riff Raff ■ 'or through a Blue Cross appoint- Tribute to AC/DC 9 When travelling outside Canada, ed travel agent. Thurs. April 11 fl a lot of people don't know how Next time, before you go, Forever Young I to deal with a medical emergency, remember the Blue Cross travel | Friday April I They don't know who to call, health plan. And pack some Killer Dwarfs I how to pay for it, whether they'll peace of mind. be reimbursed. Advance tickets available atSarrTs in Kitchener, Records™ The worst way to find out what on Wheels in Guelph only, Cambridge Music Mart, Tape ■ Worm, Cambridge, Forwell's Super Variety, H you don't know is by accident. Waterloo, and The Highlands. H Info Line 622-0002 I "the cord" - Laurier: the good, the bad and the ugly I Thursday March 28,1991 sports 31 Needem, gotem, needem, needem by Jim Boyce pink slate gum that you could find them at all). Not everyone is as unlucky as Special to Cord Sports chip your teeth on. Now there are Many collectors say that ga- me though. My friend Joe went to six different brands with anti- rage sales and flea markets are the flea market in Brampton and YEEEEEEHAWWW! Hockey counterfeit markings, high-tech good places to find cheap cards in addition to getting some fruit cards are in! designs and no gum. And they but it's tough searching and re- for his mother (what a nice boy) Remember them winter charge a buck or more for one quires some good luck. I spent al- he picked up two Gretzky rookie afternoons behind the school with bloody pack! most every Saturday this past cards for a dollar (that's a thou- all your friends, shuffling through summer hunting down cards on sand clams worth!). Now he's got stack upon stack of cards until my bike but either the person sell- thirteen of them and I got one, their corners were frayed, your ing them knew their worth or else with that bloody awful crease. hands so numb from cold that you some jerk had come the night be- Anyway, cards are a great couldn't do up your fly after you fore and bought them. I only hobby so forget what the environ- peed your name in the snow? ended up getting about 500 cards mentalists say. We've got too Gotem, gotem, needem, gotem, (about one per hour of biking) but many damn trees in this country day after day, trying to fill a did come home with a nifty set of and not enough culture. Cut 'em bloody set and always ending up bi-centennial shot glasses, a Jack down I say and turn 'em into one or two cards short, you know, Kerouac book with only four cards. They're fun to collect, a needing one frickin' Ed Van pages missing and a clock radio damn good investment and as Impe. that works if you put something representative of what Canada Well, those days are back be- heavy on it. stands for as anything else. cause hockey cards are red hot like fire. I myself became a born again collector six months ago in a Yep, cards have gone haywire Chinese history class. A couple of in a capitalist way. my buddies were always gabbing There is the speculative Farewell continued... about their stupid collections and are market. These rookies who "Hopefully our recruiting will be better (this it was irritating as hell cause it might or might not big stars. continued from page 29 be year) than last year," stated an optimistic Gowing. didn't have much to do with Mao Eric Lindros is still in junior A goaltenders while Desbiens to had contend with a the 1991-92 Hawk crew will no doubt feature a Tse-tung. But then one of them and he's already got a card selling 40 shot barrage and made several brilliant stops. number of CIAU rookies. Hopefully talented gave me a card of the greatest for twelve bucks a crack. The CIAU may want to look into slightly alter- goalie of all time (and my There's also blue-chip cards ing the format next year. UQTR played Friday veterans like Davidson and McCreary will mix well favourite) Tony Esposito and it like Gordie Howe and Bobby Orr. night and did not play again until Sunday's matinee together with some fresh new faces. The Hawks are was just like going back to child- These guys are already retired final. On the other hand, the U of A laboured a team with a tendency to surprise. Two years ago hood (sniff). and in the hall of fame and every- through 93 minutes of hockey Saturday afternoon they finished the season 13-10and went all the way And I thought I might buy body wants their cards, especially and were forced to catch their breath and face off to the National final. Last year they shocked some old cards until I went down older farts who are usually the against the wellrested Patriotes only 19 hours later. Laurier fans by not capturing Canada's top hockey to Kitchener to check out the only people who can afford them. Hawk Coach Wayne Gowing said the coaches prize. Again this year most Hawkey observers were prices. Five hundred bucks for a Then you have cards that lie have no input as to when the games are scheduled. surprised yet pleasantly pleased by the Hawk's rookie Wayne Gretzky card! I between the two. This would be a Next season looks like a major rebuilding year strong finish in the OUAA West despite the loss of figured I must have had ten of Brett Hull rookie card (forty to for the Hawkey Hawks, Gowing expects at least university hockey's best player, Mike Maurice. Had those when I was a kid so I fifty bucks already!). If he plays a seven departures including five of six defensemen. Maurice not fell to injuries, you have to believe the Warriors would have encountered more than they phoned my brother and told him full career it'll be worth lots and Bidding farewell to the OUAA hockey wars are lots but if he gets hurt, we 11... re- Scott Driscoll, Steve Purves, Larry Rucchin and all could handle with the Hawks. Maurice's skill and proved too Waterloo. member Detroit pitcher Mark star Marc Lyons. Pete Choma is questionable. finesse would have much for Fidyrich? Neither does anyone "I'm looking at a more desolate situation than else. this year," said Gowing, referring to the loss of nine ...while trying to juggle four A lot of collectors are also into players after the 1989-90. However, this year the buying wax. This means un- Hawks were a pleasant surprise finishing 13-8-1 or five courses... opened boxes (36 packs) or cases and advancing to the West division final against a (12 boxes). The concept is much talented Warrior crew. So do not be too surprised if next season Wayne like that of a lottery. When you "Defensively we're going to struggle, losing Gowing and his troops continue the long tradition sell the cards, the buyer is hoping four or five quality [defensemen]," remarked of winning hockey teams that WLU is so rightfully to get the best cards of that partic- Gowing. Jamie Patenall is the sole rearguard return- proud of and renowned for. Thanks to all the Haw- ular year in it. For instance, one ing to patrol the Bubble blueline. key Hawks and their coaching staff who worked unopened pack of cards from Centre Dan Rintche and winger Kevin Smith like crazy day in and day out from October all the Gretzky's rookie year costs over also retire from the CIAU hockey scene this year. way through to March to maintain Laurier's reputa- sixty dollars! Compare this to Forwards Don Oberle, Mike Maurice and tion for athletic excellence. Playing university twenty cents just ten years ago Howdi Micoski may or may not return to the rink in hockey means dedicating many hours every week to dig our old cards out of the and you can understand the 1991-92. Backstopper Mike Matuszek is also un- to the game. It means sacrificing most of your basement. But all he found was motivation for investors. This certain as to whether or not he will don the Puiple weekends as well as the Thanksgiving break, part one Gretzky that had been folded year's big deal is the Premier and Gold next Fall. of your December vacation and part of your Read- in half for about eight years. And hockey card series by O-Pee- High scoring winger Sean Davidson along with ing Week. All this while at the same time trying to three frickin' Ed Van Impes. Chee. While these sold for only fellow forwards mark McCreary, Steve Girggs, juggle four or five courses. There is little time to Anyway, cards are a big thing eighteen to twenty dollars a few Mike Dahls and Dave Burke will all be back in waste if your goal is to excell academically and now. When we were kids there months ago, the high demand has quest of another division title in '91. Goalers Jeff athletically. If you are around next year, make sure was only one kind, O-Pee-Chee, now driven prices up to fifty dol- Laceby and Murray Townsend will return to defend you head down to the Bubble to take in some of the and they came with a hunk of lars or more per box (if you cr the WLU net. best hockey around, it is the very least you can do. hornet the Rest Call the Best! ■HMF 111 |i 1 L er—~mf conestoga college school of business £1 I mLJHB fWM A is now accepting applications to the J COMPUTER PROGRAMMER/ANALYST PROGRAM

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