Dysfunctional Family Makes for Dark Comedy in The Lyons

” This is a show that deals with life, death and everything in between–” The Lyons at 2nd Story

The lives of a dysfunctional family take center stage in the black comedy The Lyons, which opened in previews January 10 and is running through February 9 at Warren’s 2nd Story Theatre.

The Lyons was written by Nicky Silver and debuted on Broadway at the Cort Theatre in April 2012. This is a show that deals with life, death and everything in between.

Paula Faber, a veteran member of the theater’s acting company, gives a tour de force performance as Rita, the overbearing wife of Ben Lyons (Vince Petronio), who is dying from cancer. Rita, stuck in a 40- year loveless marriage, now thinks of the future without Ben and plans to re-decorate their home. Ben lays in his hospital bed and speaks in a flurry of profanities. He is constantly annoyed by Rita and despises her.

Their grown children Curtis (Kevin Broccoli) and Lisa (Lara Hakeem) also come to his hospital room to pay a visit.

Lisa has left an abusive marriage and is a recovering alcoholic. Curtis, who is gay, has had little to do with his father, who is homophobic.

Throughout the play, all the resentments between the Lyons bubble up to the surface.

Rita is a fundamentally selfish woman who will not spare anyone’s feelings. However, she is not a one dimensional caricature either. Late in Act One, while her husband sleeps under dimmed lights, Rita realizes how empty her life will be once Ben is gone. The man she has spent so many years with has occupied a major part of her time and energy. Faber masterfully manages to gain the audience’s sympathy in a short monologue.

Broccoli dominates most of Act Two, when Curtis has a fateful encounter with a wily real estate agent (Jeff Church) who is not who he appears to be.

Broccoli gives a note perfect performance as Curtis, a troubled man who writes short stories for a living and has a non-existent love life.

Petronio has a lot of funny moments as he quarrels with Rita about her plan to redecorate their living room after he is gone. There is also a touching and bittersweet moment when he reveals that despite all the hostility he expresses toward Rita, deep down he really loves her.

The dialogue is witty and sometimes poetic. One exchange goes like this:

Ben: “Rita, I’m dying!”

Rita: “Just try to be positive.”

Lucia Gill Case plays Ben’s nurse, who has some tart repartee late in the play with Curtis.

Mark Peckham directed the production, which moves at a brisk pace. The downstage theater provides an intimate setting for a show like The Lyons.

The four lead actors convincingly portray a family at odds with each other. The Lyons all seek happiness in their own way, and by the end, you are pulling for them to find it.

2nd Story Theatre DownStage, 28 Market Street, Warren, RI 02885, Box Office:401-247-4200, Web:2ndstorytheatre.com, Email: [email protected]

Motif TV : Top things to do this weekend

Funda Turns Sweet 16 Rhode Island Black Storytellers’ (RIBS) annual event welcomes in its 16thyear as the state’s premier, longest- running and only black storytelling festival: Funda Fest

I have been on both sides of the stage with Funda Fest as both a performer and an audience member, and I have to say the sheer power of this viva voce marvel is guaranteed to move you. Stretching across the state, caravaning in the week of January 19 through January 26 will be 10 of the most heartfelt and exciting storytellers you could possibly ever want to be responsible for your unguarded imagination. Along with favorites Teju Ologboni from Milwaukee, Grammy nominated Christylez (pronounced Chris Styles) Bacon, and renowned storyteller Eshu Bumpers, making their debut appearance in the state and headlining the festival will be will be the performance duo of In the Spirit (vocalist Glenda Zahra Baker and storyteller Emily Hooper Lansana) along with the celebrated cast of the Rhode Island Black Storytellers. More than 20 years ago, Emily Hooper Lansana and Glenda Zahra Baker came together to form Performance Duo: In the Spirit. They have developed an extensive repertoire of stories that carry us on enthralling journeys. Each performance celebrates the power of the word to connect, uplift and transform. Their interactive, spirit-filled stories and songs engage audiences in a memorable, soulful way. Highlights of their performance history include: The National Association of Black Storytellers Festival and Conference, The National Storytelling Festival, The Illinois Storytelling Festival, Dance Africa and a number of museums, community and educational institutions across the country. I first witnessed this production in 2006, when the featured performers hailed from New Orleans, in support of the tragedy that happened there. The night totally changed my perception of storytelling. The orator’s voice connected everyone in the room until in the silence was weaved a people quilt held together by the single thread of the storyteller’s voice. This is not just for bedtime; because of the magic and level of coziness crafted by orator after orator, by the end of the evening a village was molded from the raw clay of strangers. Now seven years later I can say the momentum has not let up. Year after year I have been thoroughly inspired and I can’t wait to see the gifts brought by Funda 16 I asked Valerie what was the impetus that sparked Funda Fest (Funda meaning to teach and to learn in Zulu and KiSwahili) 16 years ago. “In 1999, The Rhode Island Foundation had an initiative to celebrate black arts and artists in Rhode Island. For years previous to that, RIBS would travel every year to the National Association of Black Storytellers Festival (NABS) and a group pondered having such a thing in Rhode Island.” she said. Storytelling is how we inspire blacks to tell our story in all the dimensions of being human. It’s what gives us hope, and what makes us black while bringing a broader image of being black. She finished. For full festival Information, join Rhode Island Black Storytellers on Facebook or check the website at www.ribsfest.org Contemporary Plays Around for 24 Hours

“Sooner or later at every 24-Hour Play Festival, there arrives a moment where everyone comes together for the common cause of ripping up tiny bits of paper.” – Andy Hoover, playwright (one of six) for CTC’s 24-Hour Play Festival.

In February, 1920, a group of Princeton student thespians staged their first production. Their theater was a dorm room and a blanket hung over a string that served as a curtain. What started as an exercise in parody and improvisation became a tradition for Princeton’s Theatre Intime. Their 24-Hour Play Festival is still billed as a “wacky, caffeine-fueled tradition [where] everything but the kitchen sink gets thrown into some wild productions, all written and staged in just 24 hours! Written by various authors. Directed by various directors.” Princeton alum and CTC Artistic Director, Christopher Simpson, brought the tradition to South County in 2006 and now Contemporary Theater Company is poised to present their version of the festival for the ninth year running.

The premise seems simple enough until you break down the elements that make this unique offering possible. This is not improvisation, which CTC covers excellently with their late Friday evening Micetro series, but there is still very little time for structure, forcing the writers, directors and performers to think fast, think once and commit to those choices, however bizarre. Much like Christopher Guest’s loosely structured mockumentaries (Best in Show, Spinal Tap, etc.), there are a few guidelines, but the artists are left to their own devices in connecting the dots. At the start of the day, writers are given a short list of prompts and challenges and a few set lines that they must include in their pieces. Examples of guidelines include: “Two people speak the exact same line at the exact same time for very different reasons,” “include an ‘unstageable’ event” (which, in a past festival, resulted in a whale exploding onstage), and “someone has a gun that they didn’t know they had.” In addition, there are six lines that all of the writers must include in each play, giving audiences a chance to anticipate their usage in each piece. Directors are prompted to include elements such as: “Make the audience do something,” or “A musical number, sung sincerely” (an official composer is on standby, ready for such a prompt).

Although all of the action takes place on January 11, the social media campaign is well under way to hype the event. Statuses from various participants betray a level of anxiety that would seem to indicate that work is already underway, although nothing can really be done in advance. On the big day, potential audiences can go to the Contemporary Theater Company Facebook page to see a play-by-play of the festival’s progress, from initial writing sessions at midnight, to actor auditions at 9 am, to frenzied, on-the-fly technical preparations as crews scramble to create costumes and props based on little more than a Red Bull-fueled fever dream.

Other than showing off the talents and versatility of the assembled artists involved, why produce such an insane event? The resulting plays are not only untested, but are still dripping wet. Anything can happen here, and as exciting as that may be to watch, there is no shortage of suffering going on behind the scenes leading up to the 8 pm curtain time. The answer lies in the process, not necessarily the final product. Much like CTC’s work with South Kingstown High School in the Testing 1,2,3,4 series, the idea is to bring together the community for an immersive, collaborative happening. Trust is the watchword here as there is simply no time to take on individual points of view or take too much time to protect any one person’s vision. The festival is a distillation of the sweat of many to create something new, ephemeral and, as the previous eight events have proven, something brilliantly compelling and hilarious.

And that brings us back to Andy Hoover’s quote from above. At one point during the festival in 2010, barely 15 minutes before showtime as the audience filtered in and took their seats in anticipation, the festival’s writers, actors and directors gathered together. This assemblage was not a moment of unity before presenting the big event. This was not a last minute tweaking of details. All available bodies were gathered in order to furiously rip up colored pieces of paper and pour them into an urn. This one moment symbolized the frantically collaborative ethos that defines the 24-Hour Play Festival. No one person is less valuable, no need lesser than any other. And if an urn of construction paper is still required minutes before opening, then everyone is ready to jump in and make it happen. This is not a rarity in theater, but nowhere else do roles and responsibilities become so blurred in the service of a finished series of fully blown plays ready to present to a paying audience. So, to fully experience the 24-Hour Play Festival, tune in to their Facebook page and then head over to South Kingstown High School auditorium on January 11 to witness the results of CTC’s signature event – 24 actors, six writers, and six directors working midnight-to-midnight to conceive, rehearse and perform six original 15-minute plays. The process may stand alone, but the work can only truly come to fruition with an audience. Think of yourself as just one piece of colored paper ready to join hundreds of others in the spirit of collaboration. No matter what happens, you’ve never seen anything like it before.

CTC presents the 9th Annual 24-Hour Play Festival at SK High School Auditorium. 8 to 10:30 pm, January 11. Visit contemporarytheatercompany.com/box-office/ for tickets or call 401-218-0282. All tickets, $12.

Mark Cutler Dreams, Junior Varsity Arson Burns It Up

The best in local albums of 2013 and the best in January 2014 concerts

2013 was a strong year for local releases. People like these “Best of 2013” lists, but I question if anyone ever goes out and buys a record because of it. I guess the local New England releases that come to mind in no apparent order would have to include releases by White Dynomite, The Silks, Deer Tick, Six Star General, Malyssa & The Liberators, Reverend Bastien, Throwing Muses, Ravi Shavi, Brown Bird and Northern Lands. Maybe I’ll go into more depth in an online column, but who has time for that right now? In fact, 2013 was such a busy year that there are two new releases that came in at the end of the year that I haven’t gotten a chance to review. So let’s get to that, stat!

Mark Cutler – Dreamland (75orLess Records) After recently quitting his day job to be a fulltime musician, Mark Cutler hunkered down to record Dreamland, a decidedly more quiet and intimate album compared to his recent releases Sweet Pain and Red (both on 75orLess Records). Cutler tells me he recorded the album in his house and mostly by himself with cameos from his always formidable Men of Great Courage band. One doesn’t have to wait long to see the new direction: the first tune, “Doing Things That We Like To Do” has a lazy, peaceful strumming guitar around a campfire kind of feel. “Tankful of Gas” has a decidedly acoustic blues meets folk feel, with buzzing slide guitars. “Circle To a Square” reminds me of the 60’s folk of early Donovan, before he started singing about important stuff… you know, like the hurdy-gurdy man and witching season. The title track is my favorite on the record with a great melody that I can hum all day. “Too Much Fun” is a more upbeat rocker, while retaining the stripped down feel of the rest of the rest of Dreamland. “We Don’t Do That Stuff No More” has the feel of Tom Petty blues ballad. The theme of nostalgia runs through much of Dreamland, but probably never more than on the closing, “I’ll Play For You,” where Cutler weaves his tale of days past over a simple beat. It works. Dreamland may not be your typical get ready to rage on a Saturday night record, but it sure sounds great on a Sunday afternoon!

Junior Varsity Arson – Self Titled EP (75orLess Records) Every now and again I get a new biscuit and look at it and say what the hell is this? Case in point, when something called Junior Varsity Arson came in. So I checked out their one sheet that describes the band as “Lonely Guy Rock.” They go on to describe themselves as a soundtrack for men who are banned from certain establishments, with endless theories and endless amounts of time to explain those theories. Okay, maybe I’ll actually like this. Truth is, Junior Varsity Arson is a local super group of sorts, composed of Guy Benoit (Thee Hydrogen Terrors), Don Sanders (Medicine Ball, The Masons), Dave Narcizo (Throwing Muses), and Kraig Jordan (The Masons). Junior Varsity Arson is a little twisted in a fun way. The EP kicks off with “Her Parents Love Me,” chock full of lyrical gems like, “Her parents love me, I’m such a big improvement over the white supremacist.” Indie rock is a genre chock full of people that take themselves too seriously. That’s why it’s refreshing to come across something like Junior Varsity Arson, that’s lighthearted and still rocks. “Brown Jacket and Purple Keds” reminds me a little of the Dead Milkman as it chronicles the lonely man that Junior Varsity Arson proclaims to be the soundtrack for. “Hippy Dippy Milk Man” has an anthem, ‘60s spy feel with the keyboards. “Skull Collection” has an ‘80s feel, while the song chronicles getting broken into and having one’s skull collection stolen. “I’m Hooked” is Junior Varsity Arson’s alternative dance number, that has a little bit of a psychedelic feel. What I like about Junior Varsity Arson most is they have personality both lyrically and musically, that makes each song memorable. Shows to look forward to:

Hellbound Glory Nothing like some old fashioned to warm you up from the winter’s freeze and that is exactly what you’ll get when Hellbound Glory invade Olneyville (aka Nashville North.) Hellbound Glory doesn’t bother pretending to do anything but straight, old school country, which I respect, when done well. It’s when people try to modernize it or meld it into Americana or pop that the whole thing goes to shit. Get there early to catch the local openers, Jay Berndt & The Orphans and Dog Day Afternoon – I’m as excited to see them as the headliner! Hellbound Glory, Jay Berndt & The Orphans, and Dog Day Afternoon will be at Fete on January 9. The Creepshow The Creepshow are a female-fronted punk psychobilly band from the hot bed of horror that is Toronto. Truth is, I know nothing about Toronto’s music scene, but they do elect crack heads mayor. That’s a hint to expect something very disturbingly wrong with those people, right? Beside the headliner, this bill is stacked locally with the roots ‘n’ roll of The Throttles, the female fronted surf garage of The Evil Streaks, and the punk-a-billy of Tony Jones & The Cretin 3. I’d go out just to catch any one of the bands on this show by themselves. The Creepshow, The Throttles, The Evil Streaks, and Tony Jones and The Cretin 3 bring the rock to Fete on January 22.

Marshall Crenshaw and The Bottle Rockets I actually saw this tour the last time these two acts toured together, and stopped at The Narrows. Marshall Crenshaw enjoyed quite a bit of success in the 1980s, as kind of an offbeat power pop solo artist with hits like “Someday, Someway.” Crenshaw has been plugging along ever since and will have The Bottle Rockets as his backing band for the night. Don’t miss The Bottle Rockets’ opening set as they completely blew me away last time through town. Check out their first two records (The Bottle Rockets and The Brooklyn Side), which were recently re-released with bonus cuts on . Standout cuts include “Lonely Cowboy,” which comes across as a redneck version of Warren Zevon, “Gravity Falls,” which is my favorite of their tunes, and “Stuck in a Rut,” which reminds me of Crazy Horse era . The Bottle Rockets are like a country version of The Hold Steady. Part country twang, part rock ’n’ roll, The Bottle Rockets are just an all-around great band. Even the bonus cuts on the two CD set are killers, with standouts like “This is What It Sounds like When You’re Listening to Lindsey Buckingham,” and the punkish Radar Gun (1989 Chicken Truck Version) among the assorted gems. The Bottle Rockets reissues were among 2013’s best! Marshall Crenshaw and The Bottle Rockets come to The Narrows come to The Narrows Center For The Arts in Fall River on January 23rd.

Charles Bradley & His Extraordinaires There are a lot of shows to be excited about in a season – hell, in any given week there a couple. That said, if you only leave the house to go to one show this winter, this is by far the one. Charles Bradley is just your average former James Brown impersonator, who decided, at the young age of 62, to release his debut, after hooking up with the folks at Daptone Records who brought you Sharon Jones. Dubbed the “Screaming Eagle of Soul,” Bradley more than lives up to the name and still busts out all his patented James Brown dance moves, often while wearing a jumpsuit. I first caught Bradley at the Newport Folk Fest in 2012, and I was about to check out someone else, but his hype man (yes, the man has his own hype man) convinced me to stick around. I wasn’t disappointed. Bradley mixes the soul of Al Green and Otis Redding with the energy of James Brown. His sophomore album, Victim of Love was one of last year’s best. As a performer Bradley has an amazing ability to connect with the audience and share the joys and pains of life. Even if you’re having an awful day, you should go because Bradley ends all his performances by going out in the crowd and hugging as many people as he can before his manager drags him away. Charles Bradley & His Extraordinaires come to the Columbus Theatre in Providence on February 6. Odds & Sods

SexCoffee, Spider Rockets, Nymphidels, Paryah are at Dusk on January 11. The Can’t Nots, Torn Shorts, and Brainfruit are at AS220 on January 11. The monthly Alt-Nation listening Party returns to E & O Tap in Providence on January 16. I’ll be selecting the music that always includes a mix of locals, hits, and obscurities from all genres of rock ‘n’ roll. Mother Falcon and The Kids are at The Columbus Theatre on January 17. Vudu Sister, Dr. Jones and The Shiners, Paddy Saul, and Dan Blakeslee are at AS220 on January 23. Deleted Arrows, Tinsel Teeth, and Phantom Glue will rock AS220 on January 31. Yellowcard and What’s Eating Gilbert (featuring Chad from New Found Glory) will be at Lupo’s on February 1. A couple of weekly nights to check out include The Funky Autocrats every Wednesday at The Parlour, and Dropout Night is back with a new home at The Spot every Monday. Congratulations to Deer Tick’s John McCauley, who married Vanessa Carlton right before the New Year in a ceremony officiated by Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac. Best wishes to the both you.

Email music news to [email protected]

Open and Closed: January

Open

Not Your Average Joe’s Kitchen and Bar is leaving Warwick Mall-goers saying, “When did that get there?” after popping up on Bald Hill Road. Expect chain fare with an avant garde twist. For localvores also looking for a break from the ordinary, Table has arrived in Barrington, promising diners a cozy environment and exceptional service. Narragansett finally has a spot for Southern BBQ, cocktails and live music: Hank’s Down South showed up in Point Judith, Narragansett, offering an alternative to seafood.

Moved

Town Pizza II has moved down the street to its new location on 18 Kingstown Road, technically making it Town Pizza 2.5.

And we say goodbye to…

The Village Bean has closed leaving the folks in North Scituate fiending for caffeine. After confusing patrons by selling both cakes and scrambled eggs, The Cakery in Woonsocket shut its doors for good. The bar and venue formerly known as Effin’s Last Resort is now simply called The Last Resort. Guess Effin got Eff’d. And Thayer St. in Providence, Hercules Mulligan’s will lift heavy spirits no more. Finally, we’re saddened to say goodbye to Tazza Caffe, a Providence staple.

Mike D’s Top Five: Can’t Miss Shows of January

1. Saturday, January 11th: Rustic Overtones, Grace and The RSO, Viking Jesus; $10 advance / $12 day of; 7:30 pm doors / 9 pm show; 18+; The Spot Underground. Rustic Overtones are a band that I have enjoyed from afar for what feels like forever. While blending rock, funk and soul isn’t exactly what I look for, they do it so well that the band has grown on me. They sound good on record, and they sound amazing live. They sound like a wedding band that doesn’t give a fuck for covers or what you think of them. They have high energy and blend funk, soul and sometimes ska-like grooves. Grace and the RSO and Kris Hanson and company’s Viking Jesus round out the bill. Last time I caught Viking Jesus at The Spot was the best show of theirs of I have seen, so get there early to see if they can recapture that fire.

2. Wednesday, January 15: Yuck, Alvvays, Velah; $15; 8 pm doors / 9 pm show; 18+; The Sinclair, Cambridge, MA. Yuck are at the top of the list of bands I have never seen but want to. They seem to have mastered in drawing from 90s indie rock influences and making original jams none the less. After their first album, they lost original singer Daniel Blumberg. Their second album, Glow & Behold, (Fat Possum) continues without him and guitarist Max Bloom sliding into the front man position. Their songs tip the hat often to Built To Spill, Sonic Youth, Pavement, Superchunk and Dinosaur Jr. Speaking of Dinosaur Jr, I recently caught them at the Sinclair. What a great place to catch a show even when the venue is sold out there isn’t a bad sight view in the house.

3. Friday, January 17: , Pity Sex, Ovlov, Loss Leader, Bad Swimmers; $10 advance / $12 day of; 7 pm doors / 8 pm show; All ages; The Met, 1005 Main St., Pawtucket, RI. This has never happened before. My favorite new band name of the year (honorable mention this year to Fat History Month, Food Court, and the band Ken Burns) is also my new favorite band of the year. Their release Feast Of Love (Run For Cover Records) is the best indie release since Jade Tree records was cranking them out in the turn of the 2000s. This show is a co-headline with Self Defense Family, a band that is very difficult for me to describe. They remind me of a lot of bands and none really share a theme. Check them out on YouTube and check out selfdefensemusic.com for a variety of punk self help advice, some useful, some often far from it, but pretty entertaining. Ovlov, Loss Leader and Providence’s breakout band Bad Swimmers round out the bill.

4. Sunday, January 26: Man Man; $15 advance / $17 day of; 8 pm doors / 9 pm show; All ages; The Met, 1005 Main St., Pawtucket, RI. The return of Man Man to The Met! It’s been a couple of years since they have been in town and in 2013 they released On Oni Pond (Anti Records). This record seems to reel in the wild chaotic side of Man Man. While you still have wild multi-instrumentation that the band is know for, the vision seems reeled in and focused. The lead single, “Head On,” is definitely worth a listen, and sounds like it could have been an outtake from front man Honus Honus’ fantastic side project Mister Heavenly, a vision they called “Doom Wop.” This is the best show of the month and highly recommended.

5. Friday, January 31: 95.5 WBRU Presents New Politics, Magic Man, Sleeper Agent; $15 advance / $17 day of; 7:30 pm doors / 8:30 pm show; All ages; The Met, 1005 Main St., Pawtucket, RI. A trio of upcoming alt rock bands headlined by Denmark’s New Politics. They fall into a category in my head called commercial rock, as in they literally sound like their songs should be pitching cell phones and small cars driven by gerbils (see Fun, Grouplove, etc). Boston’s indie electronic pop act Magic Man play in the middle. Their recent EP You Are Here is up on Bandcamp and worth a play. Opening act, Sleeper Agent, are a blast live. Hailing from Bowling Green, Kentucky, the band seems to be constantly on the road, and this is the third time in the last year or so they have played our town.

Polar Plunges for New Years Day!

At some point in ancient history, a prehistoric attempt to capture the strength and fearsome virility of the ferocious polar bear (in the north – or the fearsome … er, penguin … in the south) led our primitive ancestors to jump into the water in the middle of winter.

Remarkably, natural selection never curbed this instinct, and in recent years polar plunges have been proliferating faster than slush at a Del’s convention. Here are the best we could find from among this year’s entries – feel free to add more to the comments, if you know of more!

Newport Polar Plunge. Yell, “Shrinkage!”, hold your nose and jump into the ocean (not the bay) at Easton’s Beach. This plunge has been going on since 1969, making it the chill grand-daddy of plunges. It benefits A Wish Come True. Plunge at noon. Atlantic Beach Club, Memorial Blvd., Newport. gonewport.com or Facebook.

3rd Annual Winter Wish Swim. As in, “I wish my private parts weren’t quite so frozen.” This benefits Children’s Wishes and sends you off into the wild blueing yonder of Bristol’s waterfront at the Bristol Town Beach (Colt State Park), 50 Asylum Rd. Yep, Asylum, as in crazy. 11 am registration, Noon swim. cwishesri.com

Fall River – 4th annual Sandy Beach Polar Plunge to benefit Forever Paws. Fall River Mayor William Flanagan jumps in right along with the rest of the pet lovers in this one. Contact Forever Paws for more info. facebook.com/events/1442619629292467, 508-678-0804 or foreverpaws.com

Jamestown 1st Day Plunge. This second annual happens at East Ferry in Jamestown. It benefits the Jamestown Education Foundation and Bridges, Inc. Register at the Jamestown Rec Center, 41 Conanicus Ave. Opens at 10, plunge at noon. Jamestown1stDayPlunge.com

Punk Rock Plunge. This second annual takes place at Marley’s on the Beach and has teams (yes, team “Frozen Sausage,” team “Common Shrinkage,” and team “Coxsicles” are taken), trophies and … shirts! 11:45 am until you thaw. 885 Oakland Beach Ave. in Warwick. punksforaprincess.com

Penguin Plunge. This is the 8th annual event to benefit the WARM Center (making it the best thematic match between charity and ice cold water). Expect lots of fowl jokes at the Andrea in Misquamicut. Register at 10:30 for some noon swimming. warmcenter.org

The Frozen Clam. At Goddard Park, this raises clams for the RI Mentoring Project and is organized by Laid Back Fitness. Time pending. 1095 Ives Rd., East Greenwich. laidbackfitness.com

Block Island Plunge. Hosted by the BI Lions Club. The plunge is at noon at the Town Beach, 7 Corn Neck Rd., Block Island. Soon to be posted at blockislandchamber.com

Narragansett Pier Plunge. This is a fundraiser for the Narragansett Lions Club. What is it with Lions and really cold water? Registration at 10 am. Narragansett Town Beach. narragansettlionsclub.com

Matunuck Polar Plunge. At Tara’s Tipperary Tavern, 907 Matunuck Beach Rd. Wakefield. This is to benefit MS, and is in its 15th year. Time is 12 sharp – these seem to be a noon-sort-of-hangover-cure, so that makes sense.

North Kingston Polar Plunge. Help out the Food Pantry with your own homage to freezers. This one looks like it happens at 1:30 pm, so if you hurry you could hit it after one of the noon plunges. It’s at the North Kingstown Town Beach. No website was available at press time.

Tiverton Penguin Plungers. This event should happen at noon at Grinnell’s Beach, sponsored by the Tiverton Yacht Club. Last year’s plunge benefitted the Tiverton Library. Little Compton’s South Shore beach hosts a plunge. 125 S. Shore Rd. We’re guessing noon.

Annawamscutt Seal Society targets the end of Annawamscutt Rd. in Barrington, and has been producing human popsicles since the mid ‘80s. There is no after party for this one, so bring your own hot cocoa.

Farnham Farm, the historic site on Prudence Island, built in 1805, typically hosts a polar plunge at noon.

Seawall Splash will also supercool your doughboys on New Years Day, begining with a gathering on the beach at 10:00. The plunge is at noon – all takes place at the Oakland Beach Seawall on Oakland Beach Ave, right behind Iggy’s Doughboys.

New Years Eve Events

2014 NYE Masquerade Ball is an annual event that draws thousands of masked dancers to the Rhode Island Convention Center. This ball has confetti, champagne toasts, live music, a dozen bars, VIP rooms, and DJ Neil Armstrong, DJ Finesse and DJ Jazzy Jazz. 9 pm – 3 am at 1 Sabin St. newyearseveri.com

Ben Hague: “Ever sleep naked in your parent’s bed … but you can’t get to sleep ‘cuz your dad’s tossing and turning all night?” Here begins the journey into the slightly twisted comedic mind of Ben Hague. Catch a Rising Star Comedy Club at Twin River, 100 Twin River Rd, Lincoln, RI. catcharisingstar.com

Cannibal Ramblers with Boo City: The Cannibal Ramblers proudly play Delta Swamp Backwater Stomp. Nick-a-Nees, 75 South St, Providence. 8 pm. reverbnation.com/venue/nickanees

Chifferobe at the Dorrance. “Something tells me it’s not 2013 anymore.” This year’s NYE show is themed toward old Hollywood – represented by the Wizard of Oz, with black tie and glam suggested. There will be a best Dorothy costume contest, too. So surrender to the flying monkeys and cabaret-style performances by Cifferobe, Miss Wensday & The Cotillions, and more. 9 pm+ at 60 Dorrance St., Providence. thedorrance.com

Coffee Exchange Auction. A silent auction to benefit Coffee Kids and the Coffee Trust. This event features live music and lots of coffee! 9 am – 6 pm 207 Wickenden Street, Providence. thecoffeeexchange.com

Dom Irrera: Nominated six times for an American Comedy Award, Dom Irrera’s stand-up material was honed in a multi-generational Italian household in South Philadelphia with his mother, sister, grandmother, uncles and cousins all under one very big roof. Comedy Connection RI, 39 Warren Ave, East Providence, RI. Shows at 8 pm and 10:30 pm. ricomedyconnection.com

Empire Revue. The once-a-month variety show pulls comedy, music and more to help spank in baby New Year. AS220, Empire St. Providence at 8 pm (but get there early, this is sure to sell out). theempirerevue.blogspot.com

Joe Fletcher & The Wrong Reasons. Ring in the New Year and make all the wrong resolutions at The Met. J.P. Harris & The Tough Choices, and Smith & Weeden open. 1005 Main St., Pawtucket. themetri.com

Last Night Providence – Keep the Celebration Going features The Gnomes, Mystic Jammers, The Banished Fools, and the Extraordinary Rendition Band. 7 pm, Aurora, 276 Westminster St, Providence. 401-461-3683

New Year’s Eve Party with the Fat City Band: Ring in the New Year dancing the night away. Includes dinner buffet, entertainment, hats, noisemakers and a champagne toast at midnight. Doors open at 7:30 pm, starts 9 pm. Chan’s, 267 Main St, Woonsocket, RI NYE 2014 with Spiritual Rez, Daddie Long Legs and more. The Spot Underground, 101 Richmond Street, Providence. Doors open 7:30 pm, music 9 pm. thespotprovidence.com

Portsmouth Polar Plunge caps off Portsmouth, RI’s year-long celebration of its 375th anniversary with a group dive into Narragansett Bay. Collective insanity? Or a brisk, refreshing way to kick off the New Year? You decide! Post plunge party at “The Beach House” in Island Park. 12 Noon. Island Park Beach, off Park Ave. portsmouthri375.com

Whiskey Republic Midnight Resolution Party. This Black & White Party will feature Shawn Dillon with DJ Hevan, and Playboy’s Miss February 2013 will be there, presumably with her clothes on, but who knows? Doors at 8 pm, hors d’oeuvres at 9 pm. 515 South Water St. Providence. thewhiskeyrepublic.com

Top Events this Weekend, Dec 12 – 15