1 Main Cast YOUNG LAD* (high tenor: A below middle to C above middle C) WOLF (baritone: low A - E above mid C) LITTLE BLUE* formerly Little Red Riding Hood (alto - mezzo) GRANNY (alto - mezzo) GRETEL, becomes YOUNG LAD’s PRINCESS* (alto - mezzo - high F) RAPUNZEL (alto) WARTED WITCH (aka WARTY) (alto - mezzo) WHICH WITCH (aka WHICH) (alto - mezzo) SLEEPING BEAUTY’S PRINCE, becomes MEAN OLD KING* (high baritone: Bb low on F clef to F above mid C) SAUSAGE (aka FRANK) * (male or female role, baritone or mezzo: high E) BLUE BEARD, becomes MONSTER (low Bb - mid C) SNOW WHITE , becomes MONSTER’S MAMÁ * (soprano: high Ab) HUNTSMAN, becomes WATCHMEN, FERRYMAN, GOOD KING * (bass: to Eb above mid C) CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER , becomes MUDDER* (soprano: high G) SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER, becomes QUEEN (alto or mezzo: high F) ONE DWARF, becomes ELDER BRUDDER THIEF* (alto, tenor, or bass) TWO DWARF, becomes TWO THIEF* (alto, tenor, or bass) THREE DWARF, becomes THREE THIEF* (alto, tenor, or bass) FOUR DWARF, becomes FOUR THIEF* (alto, tenor, or bass) FIVE DWARF, becomes FIVE THIEF*(alto, tenor, or bass) PUSS IN BOOTS

*major singing roles

Bit Parts Played by Chorus Members RUMPELSTILTSKIN, becomes MILLER SLEEPING BEAUTY, becomes MILLER’S WIFE HANSEL, becomes HUSBAND FROG PRINCE & CHORUS FROG’s PRINCESS CINDERELLA, becomes BIRTH MOTHER (alto or mezzo) CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER, becomes SERVANT SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE PEA PRINCESS GOLDEN GOOSE (or could be mechanical) SIX DWARF SEVEN DWARF CINDERELLA’s PRINCE (appears only in final scene) 2 Prologue (In blackout we hear LITTLE BLUE’s scream and WOLF’s growl from a distance, rapidly getting louder as lights come up to reveal Grimmlanders all gathered onstage. LITTLE BLUE (still dressed as Little Red Riding Hood), chased by WOLF, runs onstage. He rears over her, about to attack.) WOLF (howls) LITTLE BLUE (screams as music breaks) WOLF All the better to eat you with, my dear! (Both “break character” and begin laughing. Underscoring begins again.) LITTLE BLUE That was fun! WOLF Oh, I always love the chase scenes. (They see the rest of the Grimmlanders waiting for the celebration to start. Small patch of blue in an otherwise green sky.) WOLF Apologies, everyone. I didn’t realize you were here already. Let us begin! SCENE 1- Centennial celebration in Grimmland.

(GOLDEN GOOSE in all her glory, shimmery and regal. Grimmlanders bow to her. Under- score.) WOLF Welcome one! Welcome all! Kings and Queens, Golden Goose, all fairy tale folk both good and back! All Ye who play your parts so well in the tales of Brothers Grimm! One hundred years since last we... (WOLF’s whiskers start trembling, causing him to want to sneeze, music tacit for sneeze) Ha- ha- choo! So sorry. Something wrong with my whiskers. ...since last we met to celebrate Grimmland. The Seven Dwarves will commence with a song of exultation. (During Dwarves intro GRETEL points at YOUNG LAD, as if asking her girl friends “Who is he?” They shrug as if to say “I don’t know.) song: CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND DWARVES (hoisting shovels and axes over their shoulders) ONE HUNDRED YEARS. ONE HUNDRED YEARS. UPON THIS HALLOWéD GROUND WE STANDETH, HO, HO, HO ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF WORK AND TOIL, HO HO HO WE COME TOGETHER SOMBER AND AUSTERE. OUR BEARDS HAVE GROWN A PINCH, ALMOST ANOTHER INCH. IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE SNOW WHITE HAS FOUND HER PRINCE. THAT’S HOW WE KNOW IT’S BEEN ONE HUNDRED YEARS. ONE HUNDRED YEARS. RUMPELSTILTSKIN Give it a rest, knaves, afore I rip out yer vocal cords! (Break into laughter, fake jesting with swords, jabs, etc.) 3

ALL BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. EVERY HUNDRED YEARS WE MEET TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. (As chorus is repeated there are obvious changes affecting several of the characters. LIT- TLE BLUE (formerly Little Red Riding Hood) reverses her cape from red to blue. This is seen as a conscious, deliberate act, as opposed to other characters to whom changes are “happening”: BLUEBEARD’s beard turns pink, FROG PRINCE gains frog legs for arms, etc. This progresses throughout the song.) (add more characters and harmonies.) BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. EVERY HUNDRED YEARS WE MEET TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. IN THE STORIES. THAT’S WHERE WE LIVE. BOTH FAMILIAR AND UNEXPECTED. NO PLACE I’D RATHER BE THAN GRIMMLAND. RAPUNZEL IT’S SOMETIMES SCARY. GRETEL ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL. WOLF & GRETEL IT CAN BE STRANGE ALL BUT EACH ONE HAS A PART TO PLAY SO WE PLAY EVERY DAY FOREVER AND EVER. FOREVER AND EVER. FOREVER, BUT SOMETHING EERIE IS HAPPENING. SOMETHING STRANGER THAN USUAL. I’VE FELT IT. I’VE FELT IT. WE FEEL IT. WHAT IS IT? BLUE BEARD (his beard is pink) DO I LOOK A LITTLE ODD? CINDERELLA Yes, you look a little odd. WOLF A little odd, I’d say. HANSEL Ha ha! Now we’ll call you Pink Beard. CHORUS Pink Beard! Pink Beard! BLUE BEARD Not so. Am not. I’m Blue Beard! RAPUNZEL (her hair is shorn) DO I LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD? SNOW WHITE 4 Where’s your hair, Rapunzel? (more changes continue to affect characters as next chorus is sung, singing becomes a little more sparse and hesitant) CHORUS AH, FORGET! LET’S CELEBRATE! BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. EVERY HUNDRED YEARS WE MEET TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE (pulls out his sword exuberantly as if to conduct n the air) One more time! (With a disapproving look, WOLF signals SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE to sheathe his sword.) CHORUS BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. (Chorus starts to thin more as some lose the words or can’t remember what they’re cele- brating) BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. EVERY HUNDRED YEARS WE MEET TO CELEBRATE....(pause) SIX ...celebrate what? RUMPELSTILTSKIN Grimmland, you numbskull! SOME GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE...... (GOLDEN GOOSE squawks and disappears - as music abruptly ends leaving behind several feathers. SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE pulls out his sword again and waves it around, trying to challenge whatever took Golden Goose away.) CHORUS (screams from crowd as music cuts.) Where did she go? What happened? Golden Goose! Come back! (music tentatively resumes) SOMETHING EERIE IS HAPPENING. SOMETHING STRANGER THAN USUAL. RAPUNZEL I MEAN IT. THIS SCARES ME. GRETEL GOLDEN GOOSE. CHORUS WHERE IS SHE? PUSS IN BOOTS Meow meow meow meow meow? 5 SLEEPING BEAUTY Puss? Why are you talking like that? (yawns) SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER (looks into mirror) Snow White is definitely prettier. Oh, well! DO I ACT A LITTLE WEIRD? SNOW WHITE You must be seriously ill, Stepmother! SLEEPING BEAUTY AH, FORGET IT. LET’S... (falls asleep, snoring loudly as music ends abruptly SLEEPING BEAUTY’S PRINCE Dear? Wake up, dear. Sleeping Beauty. My Love! (She continues to sleep and snore) PEA PRINCESS You want to know about me? You know, me, from “The Princess and The Pea.”? The sensitive one? Hah! I’m as calloused as a common scullery maid! I can sleep with a pea under my mattress or on a pile of rocks. Not a bruise upon my once delicate derriere. (SEVEN disappears without anyone noticing.) GRANNY Grand daughter, you’re wearing blue! What happened to your red cape? LITTLE BLUE I grabbed a piece of that! (pointing at patch of blue, underscored with fast arpeggio) Isn’t it pretty? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER Take it off! It could be dangerous! LITTLE BLUE No! I like it! PUSS IN BOOTS (Can only meow while trying to talk) Meow! Mrrr. Excuse me. Meow! Mrrrrather embarrassing. CROWD What is he saying? Puss? BLUE BEARD I can’t summon a murderous thought. I can’t even hurt a flea. (He starts sobbing) SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER (comforting him) I know just how you feel. WOLF (authoritatively) Have you forgotten where you are? Grimmland. Strange things happen here all the time. They always have. They always will. And I’m sure Golden Goose will return. Seven Dwarves; how about another rousing chorus to unify and lift our spirits? (Dwarves attempt to get in line, but with Seven missing there is some confusion.) ONE Certainly! (trying to count as Dwarves line us.) I’m number One, You are Two, Next is Three... Stand still. Once more. One, Two, Three, Four. Oh, there. Five. Six. Seven. 6 FIVE You’re counting Six twice. SIX Has anyone seen Seven? ONE (To THREE) You are Seven. THREE Brother, I am Three. (As they count themselves they simultaneously realize Seven is missing. Beleaguered, they put their axes and shovels down, leaning on them.) ONE Gentlemen, we have problem. TWO Horrible! Horrendous, too! SIX Never a brother is out of sight. That is not something that we do. song: WE ARE USED TO... SIX DWARVES WE ARE USED TO THINGS WE ARE USED TO. USED TO THE ODDNESS OF THINGS THAT WE KNOW. USED TO MICE PULLING A CARRIAGE. USED TO SPINNING STRAW INTO GOLD. USED TO GENIES ESCAPING FROM BOTTLES. USED TO DONKEYS WHO PLAY UPON LUTES. USED TO SHOES THAT CANNOT STOP DANCING. USED TO PUSSYCATS WEARING FINE BOOTS. BUT WE ARE NOT USED TO MISSING A BROTHER. WHAT HAS BECOME OF THE SEVENTH DWARF? SIX It must be the witch. She did this! THREE Kill the witch! (They raise their implements, threateningly.) FOUR Which witch? FIVE Warted Witch! WARTED WITCH I cast no hex nor curse nor spell. I’m on holiday. Stop this emotional regurgitation this instant. Let’s try to connect the dots here. GRANNY I agree. We must remain calm. 7

WARTED WITCH First, let’s consider the issue of blue appearing in the sky. Do we - or do we not - have any record of this happening before? GRANNY It has been green long, long before “Once upon a time.” WOLF Granny, in your duties as scribe I hereby command you to make a list of grievances. (GRANNY produces a long scroll.) GRANNY Golden Goose left behind one perfect quill. (Collects the quill) Little bit of ink from your nostril, Dear? (draws the inky liquid out of Warted Witch’s nose. Begins list.) Puss’s voice, Blue Beard now pink, loss off rage and jealousy, Rapunzel missing hair, hmmm hmmm. (Continues writing while humming.) WOLF Some of you may have noticed that my whiskers, which are finely tuned receptors, have been twitching uncontrollably. (they twitch) It could be significant.

SAUSAGE (jumping up and down) Meister Wolf? WOLF Yes, Sausage. SAUSAGE I am rather ashamed of my recent failures. (humiliated at confessing:) I’m not properly flavoring the soup anymore. This is what I do. It’s who I am. I feel so... impotent. So paltry. RUMPELSTILTSKIN So that’s why the broth is bland. TWO Mere salty water with a touch o’ turnip. BLUE BEARD Nothing nourishing. That must be the problem with my beard! FROG PRINCE Ribet! Ribet! Oh! So sorry. Ribet! Oh!, Forgive me. FROG’S PRINCESS It was bad enough to put up with that during our story. It’s not called “The Frog Prince” for naught. But when I kiss that nasty frog and he turns into my handsome prince it’s such a glorious ending. I cry from joy every single time. Now I have to put up with this day in and day out. I can’t take it. He’s so slimy! Why have silk sheets with the highest thread count available? Intimacy is not what it used... FROG PRINCE Ribet! Darling, could we not talk about this in public? FROG’S PRINCESS (yelling at him) Like no one notices? I’m sorry. I’m sorry, my love. It’s been rather stressful. Maybe if we could just sing our song another time or two, everything would come round right. (Pathetic singing) BACK AGAIN, WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO... 8 GRETEL Please, stop. It’s ruined. (RUMP raises his hand) WOLF Yes, sir? Please state your name for the record. RUMPELSTILTSKIN My name is. umm, Rump, Rump, Rumpled schilly thin, Rumpled egg skin. Ah! I can’t remember me own name. WOLF Rumpelstiltskin. I believe you are the man who can spin straw into gold! RUMPELSTILTSKIN Well ... if you say so. CINDERELLA CInderella, here. I have a problem. I can’t remember why I am in these horrid clothes. Shouldn’t I be in a ballroom gown? And, umm, a glass... Umm, a glass. Maybe I’m holding a glass? CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER A glass slipper. I cut my heel off trying to fit into that stupid little shoe, and you don’t even remember that it fit you perfectly? You got Prince Charming. I got a limp and more time with Mother! CINDERELLA Oh! My Prince! Where is he? CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER Disappeared, along with his fine white steed! CINDERELLA He’s gone? PUSS IN BOOTS Mrrwr. Mrrwr. What is mrrr, mrrr, wrong with the grass? Meow? song: OUT STORIES ARE BEING FORGOTTEN

WARTED WITCH Quiet, Puss! My wart is talking. Shhh! It says: OUR STORIES ARE BEING FORGOTTEN, NOT ONLY BY HUMANS BUT ALSO BY US. HOW DID WE COME TO BE? WARTED & WHICH WHICH BY THE TELLING, THE TELLING, THE TELLING, THE TELLING, THE TELLING, THE TELLING, THE TELLING, THE TELLING, CENTURY AFTER CENTURY. IF THE TELLING STOPS SO DO WE. WARTED WITCH My wart is never wrong! (Collective gasp!) GRANNY WE MUST MATERIALIZE ‘THE BOOK’. SEE FOR OURSELVES WHAT IS DISAPPEARING AND WHAT IS LEFT. 9

CHORUS ‘THE BOOK’? IT REALLY EXISTS? (underscore with CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND)

WOLF Oh, yes! I saw it myself when I was a mere pup running with Great Grandfather up the highest hill. It filled the entire sky. And everyone of us was is in it. Yes. You! You! You! From Sausage to Golden Bird to Rapunzel and all the Seven Dwarves. RAPUNZEL I dream of it sometimes in my tower when I am very lonely. Once I reached out and touched a page. It was like the softest sheaf of the whitest silk that ever-ever was or ever could be. I actually turned the page. Then I saw my own face looking back at me. Now I know there’s always something that will hap- pen next.

PUSS IN BOOTS Mrrwh!! Even if we’re disappearing? Mmmmeow?

RAPUNZEL I don’t know. I never expected this! (touches her head where her long hair should be)

SAUSAGE And I saw it back when I lived as a wild deer, running out of the forest into the grassy meadow. I saw it in the high billowy clouds that day. I wasn’t afraid when Huntsman killed me and turned me into what I am now.

SLEEPING BEAUTY’S PRINCE Venison. Explains your gamey taste.

WHICH WITCH It is illustrated in the finest of inks, from the the blackest ebony of night - darker than what’s up my nose... WARTED WITCH ... to the most radiant of purest gold. Sister, between the two of us, we have the Power to bring it here. (They mind meld together, - some kind of private ritual - groaning and moaning in their process.) (THE BOOK appears in the sky. Shimmery music. Crowd gasps and comments in won- der as it becomes clearer.) Just as I suspected. See there? GRANNY So tattered and torn! WARTED WITCH Some pages are empty! Missing! Gone! CINDERELLA Look! My Prince. Hello, darling, I’m here! Right here!(As he disappears and shimmery music fades out) 10 Good bye, my love. (Others comfort her) GRANNY All their selfless work. LITTLE BLUE Whose? GRANNY Why, the Grimms Brothers, dear. They are the ones who listened and wrote the stories from the old ones. The old ones in the forests and the hills and dales and mountains. WHICH WITCH Back when humans could listen to animals and witches and trees and stones. WARTED WITCH The stories from which we were created. GRETEL Well, let’s find them and talk to them. They can write our stories down again. WHICH WITCH We never talk to humans. GRANNY Oh, no, dearies, definitely not. Besides, the Brothers Grimm? They’ve been dead for a long, long time. BLUE BEARD Dead? CINDERELLA Is that what happened to my Prince? GRETEL Oh no. Surely it cannot be. We will find him. And Golden Goose too. SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE (pulls out his sword, waving it about in the air. Obvious he can’t handle it. Others duck or step aside.) And I, a gallant prince, will vanquish anything that is vanishing, for sake of my love Snow White, Queens and Kings, damsels and, uh... everything! WOLF (to Snow White’s Prince) Put that away. (rejected look from Prince) Now. (To crowd) Who remembers their story? Anyone? In absolute clarity? State your name if you do. (Rapunzel raises her hand.) Yes? (Underscored with “I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.) RAPUNZEL Rapunzel. I lived in a tower with my cow and I climbed a beanstalk to the moon. Oh, no. That’s not right, is it? (Others shake their head “no”.) HANSEL 11 Hansel. I lived in the forest with my sister, Gretel. Our Stepmother loved us very much and offered to send us to... Umm. Gretel? Was it dancing school? GRETEL No, Hansel. She hated us and deserted us in the woods. Left us for dead! HANSEL Huh! song: I REMEMBER EVERYTHING

YOUNG LAD (He has been rather invisible up to this point. Steps out boldly to front of crowd) I REMEMBER EVERYTHING. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING. WOLF AND WHO ARE YOU? CHORUS AND WHO ARE YOU? YOUNG LAD (introduces himself with a flourish) I AM YOUNG LAD, ALSO KNOWN AS FORTUNE’S FAVORITE. I AM BRAVE AND I AM TRUE. I STOLE THREE GOLDEN HAIR’S FROM THE MONSTER’S HEAD. DID I MENTION I AM BRAVE AND I AM TRUE? CHORUS YES, YOU DID. YOUNG LAD I SAVED A KINGDOM. I CAN SAVE IT ONCE AGAIN. THERE IS NO END TO ALL THAT I CAN DO. CHORUS THERE IS NO END TO ALL THAT HE CAN DO. WARTED WITCH SO, YOU REMEMBER EVERYTHING? YOUNG LAD YES, I REMEMBER EVERYTHING. WHICH WITCH WE HOPE IT’S TRUE. CHORUS WE HOPE IT’S TRUE. YOUNG LAD GOOD AS I EVER DID, ALTHOUGH I’VE BEEN CALLED A BUMBLE HEAD I KNOW BY HEART THE PART I PLAY, I DO. WOLF WHO KNOWS THIS YOUNG LAD’S TALE? WHAT’S IT CALLED AGAIN? CHORUS 12 FIND HIM IN THE BOOK. IS HE STILL THERE? WHERE, OH WHERE? YOUNG LAD IT’S CALLED ‘THE MONSTER’S THREE GOLDEN HAIRS’. CAN’T YOU SEE? IT’S ME. I AM RIGHT HERE. (pointing at dim image of himself) CHORUS HE IS RIGHT HERE. HE IS RIGHT HERE. WARTED WITCH I SEE. HE’S TELLING THE TRUTH. WHICH WITCH I SEE. HE’S TELLING THE TRUTH. (Many are squinting, shaking their heads, trying to see, etc.)

WOLF I can make out the title, though it’s rather dim. SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER As he remembers his story Granny could write it down again. WOLF (to Granny) Are you getting this? GRANNY Every word. Just a little more ink, if you don’t mind, dear. (takes more ink from Warted Witch’s nostril) Personally, I think that the story must actually happen. We don’t tell stories. We are in stories. WOLF That makes sense to me. CINDERELLA'S STEP SISTER (annoyed) What is the point of all this? SAUSAGE To regain my flavor. DWARVES To find Seven. CINDERELLA To bring my Prince home. And wear a nice dress. GRANNY To bring ‘THE BOOK’ back to life. HANSEL For us to go on living. SLEEPING BEAUTY (Rouses herself) So I can stay awake when my Prince is near... PRINCE ... and I can wake her with just a single kiss. PRINCE kisses her again and again, but she begins to snore again) Ow! My lips are so sore. (FROG PRINCE offers him some slime from a flipper.) Thanks, friend.

13 (SLEEPING BEAUTY is now in a dead coma and gets dragged around the stage by her ankles, sometimes set up as a prop. SIX DWARF disappears, unnoticed.) OTHERS Something must be done! Yes! And soon! FIVE Has anyone seen Six? (DWARVES frantically look around.) DWARVES Six! Where are you? We must find our brothers! FIVE (to everyone) Please! If it can bring our brothers home, then we must help Young Lad tell his story. WHICH WITCH If we can tell one story perfectly perhaps we can save Grimmland. WARTED WITCH (Her wart starts to glow) My facial appendage says, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” WHICH WITCH It’s our only real hope. WOLF Grimmlanders? CROWD Yes! We will do it! (Underscore of DUTY! begins) WOLF (dramatic presidential pep talk) We will save Grimmland. Why? CROWD Because it is our duty! WOLF How? CROWD By doing our duty! WOLF We are Grimmlanders. So, what does that mean? ALL (except LITTLE BLUE) We always do our duty!! song: DUTY!

CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! 14

CHORUS WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! CHORUS WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! FIND STRENGTH. DIG DEEP. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. TRUST THE STORY AND THEN SEE IT THROUGH. WE’VE GOT WORK TO DO. WOLF DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT GRANNY TASTES THAT GOOD? SHE’S SCRAWNY AND SHE’S BONY AND AS DRY AS WOOD. SO HOW DO I MANAGE TO GET HER DOWN WHEN THAT PART OF THE STORY COMES AROUND? I REMEMBER WHY I’M HERE. I STAY TRUE TO CHARACTER. AND I DO MY DUTY! DUTY! CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER I AM LOATH TO TRY THE GLASS SLIPPER ON FOR I KNOW I’LL HAVE TO WHITTLE AN APPENDAGE DOWN WHILE MOTHER DEAR SCREAMS IN MY EAR; CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER MAKE IT FIT. CUT MORE HEEL OFF, DEAR. CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER BUT I REMEMBER WHY I’M HERE: I MAKE THE MORAL VERY CLEAR. BECAUSE I DO MY DUTY! DUTY! CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! CHORUS WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! CHORUS WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! (Someone wakes SLEEPING BEAUTY) SLEEPING BEAUTY (yawning) DO YOU THINK IT’S FUN TO SLEEP ON AND ON CATATONIC IN A COMA WHILE THE WORLD MOVES ON? IF I GET AN ITCH I CANNOT SCRATCH. IF I NEED TO BURP I CANNOT BELCH. 15 SNOOZING ON UNTIL A KISS...

(Kissed by SLEEPING BEAUTY’S PRINCE, she stretches and burps) That’s better, thank you. AWAKENS ME TO GREATER BLISS. BECAUSE I DID MY DUTY! DUTY!

SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER ‘MIRROR, MIRROR, WHO’S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL?’ I DREAD THE DAY WHEN I MUST FALL. I GROW ENRAGED, I’M WICKED AND I’M MEAN, I RANT AND I RAVE UNTIL I’M GREEN. I DEMONSTRATE SO VERY WELL THAT VANITY LEADS STRAIGHT TO HELL, AND THAT IS MY REAL DUTY. DUTY! CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! DUTY! DUTY! WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! FIND STRENGTH. DIG DEEP. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. WE TRUST THE STORY AND THEN SEE IT THROUGH. WE’VE GOT WORK TO DO! GRANNY I dare say! That certainly jogged our memory! Well done, all! (Underscoring of “DUTY” resumes.) {note: In the world premiere the Witches handed out bright orange overgarments to the characthers as their parts were assigned for the telling of Young Lad’s story. This helped to clarify that theywere now playing their story-within-the story roles.} WOLF Young Lad, tell us who you need for your story. Witches, I need your assistance. (Underscoring continues as characters step forward to play different roles. Selection and lines must be rapid fire. The actual physical transformation with costume, hair, masks, etc. of each character to new role will happen on the fly as the story unfolds. They can help each other dress, model costumes out of materials found on set, etc.) YOUNG LAD The woman who is my birth mother, (WARTED WITCH points at CINDERELLA’s STEPSISTER, who moves into first place in line) ... her husband, (WHICH WITCH points at HANSEL who moves next to CINDERELLA’s STEPSIS- TER, etc.) ... a Mean Old King, WOLF You there, Prince! (SLEEPING BEAUTY’S PRINCE moves next to HANSEL) YOUNG LAD ... the Miller , (RUMPELSTILSKIN jumps in) 16

YOUNG LAD .... and his Wife who found me floating in the box in the river, (SLEEPING BEAUTY sleep walks into spot) . YOUNG LAD ... a plump peasant woman... (CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER volunteers as MUDDER) YOUNG LAD ... and her thieving sons, (remaining DWARVES take their place in line) YOUNG LAD ... a beautiful princess, like this girl here, ... (indicating GRETEL) YOUNG LAD ... and her mother the Queen, (SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER regally claims her spot) YOUNG LAD ...her Servant, WOLF Little Red Riding Hood? LITTLE BLUE What? Oh, you mean me. No. I don’t want to be in his story. (Underscoring stops abruptly) CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER First her refusal to wear red, and now this? GRANNY Child, why not? LITTLE BLUE I want to watch what is happening. And I ... (sensing their imminent disapproval), well, I think these changes are fascinating. I mean, who’s to say that it’s all bad! ONE We have just lost two brothers. TWO Do you have any idea of what a catastrophe that is? PUSS IN BOOTS (snarls an angry ‘meow’.) THREE You are an impudent, .... FOUR 17 ... insolent,.... FIVE .... selfish ... Aargh! ( shakes his fist in a fit of anger) LITTLE BLUE I’m sorry about your brothers. All I am saying is that we don’t really know what is going on, and I feel something in me that I’ve never ever felt before and somehow it’s important. And interesting! CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER (chortles) Interesting! LITTLE BLUE And I don’t want to do what I do just out of duty! CINDERELLA (Pushing LITTLE BLUE aside) Well, I’ll do it! WOLF (to LITTLE BLUE) I am deeply disappointed in you. Let’s keep this moving, folks. No time to waste. (Underscoring resumes) YOUNG LAD ... two Watchmen and the Ferryman, HUNTSMAN (HUNTSMAN steps up) I shall play all three and more if you like. YOUNG LAD ...the Monster, BLUE BEARD Yes! This role might incite my treacherous, murderous self! YOUNG LAD ... and his Mamá, a rather sweet and ugly lady... WOLF Snow White. That’s you. SNOW WHITE No! (pouting) I don’t want to be ugly.

WHICH WITCH (gets in her face) Honey, have you got an issue with ugly? WARTY WITCH Suck it up, Sweetheart. We’ve got a story to tell, and we don’t need just another pretty face. (SNOW WHITE reluctantly gets in place) YOUNG LAD ... and an entire kingdom to celebrate. (Cheers from CROWD. Underscoring of “DUTY” stops.) WARTY 18 (to Young Lad) Which Witch and I agree it would be best if we narrate your story. YOUNG LAD Narrate? My story? (introduction of WE WILL USE OUR POWERS begins.) WHICH (discreetly, for Wolf’s and Granny’s ears only) He is an innocent, and it’s better if he doesn’t know every- thing that happens. (to Young Lad, as underscoring of “We WIll Use Our Powers” begins) Yes. Tell it. A little commentary here and there. That way you can concentrate on being the hero. GRETEL Meister Wolf! Suddenly these Witches seem to be running everything. In our story Hansel and I trust her. (indicates WHICH WITCH) Never again! HANSEL She nearly baked me to a crisp! WHICH WITCH We understand your concern, and so we promise you: song: WE WILL USE OUR POWERS

WITCHES WE WILL USE OUR POWERS ONLY FOR THE GOOD OF YOUNG LAD’S STORY. THAT IS A PROMISE WE WILL MAKE TO YOU. WARTED WITCH NOW WE MUST PUT A HEX UPON YOUNG LAD WHICH WITCH FARDY, DARDY, DARDY, DARDY DAR, YOUNG LAD. (WITCHES grab YOUNG LAD’s head in their gnarled hands to mind-meld with him.) WE ARE ENTERING YOUR BRAIN LIKE A WORM THAT SQUIGGLES AND SQUIRMS. DON’T RESIST, BUT LET US IN SO YOUR STORY WE CAN LEARN. IT’S BECOMING CLEAR. WE ARE THERE! (Witches release Young Lad who falls to the ground with a thud,. He gets up quickly, refreshed.) YOUNG LAD Woah! WHICH WITCH Places, everyone! SCENE 2: Young Lad’s story begins. (Grimmlanders become the entourage that continue to follow and observe YOUNG LAD’s story, stepping into assigned roles as needed. WITCHES, GRANNY and WOLF guide them. ALL are unseen by YOUNG LAD when not active characters within his story - be- coming a comedic element of ineffective camouflage - while sometimes the scene dictates their obvious presence.) {note: In the world premiere, a shadow show of the story was created by backlighting long white fabric as actors mimed the action.} song: ONCE UPON A TIME/LOST 19 WHICH WITCH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A POOR POOR MAN - CHORUS THAT POOR MAN MARRIED A LADY. (CINDERELLA acts out role as MOTHER) WHICH WITCH THAT LADY GAVE BIRTH TO A ONE SON. (baby appears) CHORUS (to Young Lad) WE GUESSED IT: YOU WERE THAT BABY! WARTED WITCH (She picks up the baby.) IT WAS FORETOLD: “YOU WILL MARRY A PRINCESS.” CHORUS MARRY A PRINCESS? HOW DID SHE KNOW? WHAT TOLD HER SO? WARTED WITCH HE WAS SPECIAL. BORN WITH A CAUL. SORT OF A SHAWL. A FILMY LIKE CROWN MADE BY FAIRIES. CHORUS Ooh, a caul! This lad will always be lucky. WHICH WITCH He’ll be married at age fourteen. NEWS OF THIS STORY TRAVELED TO THE KING. MEAN OLD KING (SLEEPING BEAUTY’S PRINCE) THAT BOY WON’T MARRY MY DAUGHTER. WARTED WITCH HE WENT TO THE POOR POOR COUPLE TO EXPLAIN: MEAN OLD KING YOUR SON NEED NOT BE A PAUPER. GIVE ME YOUR BABY. I’LL MAKE YOU WEALTHY (gives them a bag of coins) I’LL TAKE CARE OF HIM. HE’LL LIVE IN MY HOME. RIGHT NEXT TO MY THRONE. WARTED WITCH THEY LOVED THAT BABY, BUT THEY HAD NO FOOD. THAT WAS NO GOOD. CROWD BYE BYE, PRETTY BABY. (CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER as BIRTH MOTHER boo hoos.) HANSEL as HUSBAND Now, now, my dear. He will be lucky. Don’t worry. WHICH WITCH THE KING SCRATCHED HIS HEAD AND TRIED TO THINK; MEAN OLD KING HOW CAN I GET RID OF THIS BABY? (sounds of baby crying, muffled as he’s put in box) PUT HIM IN A BOX. THROW HIM DOWNSTREAM. 20

CROWD Gurgle. Gurgle. Drown! NO MORE BABY. (they gasp at the idea) WHICH WITCH THE BOX KEPT FLOATING, NEVER SINKING. A MILLER FOUND IT. RUMP as MILLER I WAS SURPRISED BY WHAT WAS INSIDE. THE BABY SMILED A SMILE SO NICE. I CALLED TO MY WIFE; HONEY, I GOT YOU A PRESENT. YOUNG LAD (Appears in diapers with a bow in his hair) Daddy? Mommy? (Others whirl him around, putting pants on him) SLEEPING BEAUTY as MILLER’S WIFE Look at your, Son. Fourteen years old. Time goes so fast! (music speeds up: KING gallops on ‘horse’, sounds of thunderstorm) WITCHES THEN ONE DAY THE KING WENT RIDING OUT INTO THE COUNTRYSIDE. THE WEATHER TURNED ROUGH. THE WIND WAS BLOWING. A DOWNPOUR SOAKED HIS ROYAL CLOTHING. CHORUS YA, YA, YA, YA, YA, YA, YA, YA MEAN OLD KING STUPID HORSE. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? (frantic neighing of ‘horse’) CHORUS LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. WARTED WITCH SEEKING SHELTER FOR THE EVENING HE KNOCKED UPON THE MILLER’S DOOR. MEAN OLD KING WHAT A QUAINT AND VILE HOVEL. BOW AND CURTSY, PLEASE, DO GROVEL. YOU’RE MY SUBJECTS. I’M YOUR KING. I AM SOGGY FROM THE RAIN. STAND ASIDE AND LET ME IN. (water goes all over floor, he flings his cape in their faces) CHORUS LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. MEAN OLD KING GIVE ME MEAD AND GIVE ME MEAT. GIVE ME YOUR BED. AND LET ME SLEEP. (notices Young Lad) WHAT A FINE YOUNG STRAPPING LAD. IS HE YOUR SON? ARE YOU HIS DAD? MILLER & WIFE WE FOUND HIM FLOATING IN THE RIVER FOURTEEN YEARS AGO TODAY. HE BRINGS US JOY. HE BRINGS US LUCK. WE’RE HAPPY HE IS HERE TO STAY. CHORUS 21 LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. LOST. WITCHES THE KING PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER. QUICKLY HE DEVISED A PLAN. MEAN OLD KING I ASK A TEENY TINY FAVOR. I NEED THE HELP OF YOUR DEAR SON. IN THIS FOUL AND RAGING WEATHER MY QUEEN WILL WORRY IF I’M HARMED. (writing) My love, Kill the bearer of this letter immediately. (Underline that.) I’ll be home soon. The King. (seal it with the royal seal, which he removes from his pocket. It squeals, and he returns it) YOUR SON, SO FLEET OF FEET AND WILLING, YOUNG AND STURDY, FAST AND STRONG MUST LEAVE THIS MOMENT FOR THE CASTLE. GIVE THIS LETTER TO MY QUEEN. CHORUS LOST. LOST. LOST. HE’LL BE LOST. LOST. LOST. (KING laughs maniacally) WITCHES YOUNG LAD SETS OUT ON HIS JOURNEY TO A PLACE HE’S NEVER BEEN AND LOSING ALL SENSE OF DIRECTION COMES UPON A ROBBERS DEN. THEIR MOTHER SAYS: CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER as MUDDER MY SONS WILL KILL YOU WHEN THEY FIND THAT YOU ARE HERE. YOUNG LAD I DON’T CARE. I’M SO TIRED. CHORUS HE FALLS ASLEEP UPON THE FLOOR. LOST, LOST LOST, LOST, LOST , LOST, LOST. SCENE 3: Little Blue and Sausage (CHORUS, MUDDER, and YOUNG LAD all fall asleep. Everyone snoring.) LITTLE BLUE (to Sausage) Pssst. Hey! Wake up! Let’s get out of here for awhile. SAUSAGE (rousing himself) Are you crazy? It’s the middle of the night. LITTLE BLUE My point exactly. It’s so dark and dreary inside. I want to play.

SAUSAGE (considering the absurdity of her request) Right. If you haven’t noticed I am extremely edible. I mean, even though my aroma is fading, I might lure wild beasts. LITTLE BLUE I’ll protect you! I really need to get outside. SAUSAGE cut underscroing through measure 1 - 16 And, if you haven’t noticed you are acting very strange lately. A little selfish, in my opinion. LITTLE BLUE Selfish? SAUSAGE 22 Everyone else is trying to save Grimmland, but you... LITTLE BLUE Oh! The moon and the stars! They’re so bright. So beautiful. The night wants to be enjoyed. It’s selfish not to. (They step out from the Thieves Den into the night.)

SAUSAGE Wow! (a little fearful) Those stars make me wonder... LITTLE BLUE Wonder what? SAUSAGE If I could ever be that bright. (as if trying out the sound of her name) Little Blue. I don’t like your new name. How come you’re changing so much? LITTLE BLUE I don’t know, but don’t worry. I’m still me. Your friend. SAUSAGE (sadly) But me, I’m changing into nothing. Not very savory. song: LITTLE BLUE’S BLUES

LITTLE BLUE (underscoring, begin measure 17) You just don’t know what you’re changing into yet. That’s the exciting part. OOH, WOKE UP THIS MORNING. OOH. SOMETHING HAD CHANGED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON BUT I’VE NEVER SUNG A SONG LIKE THIS BEFORE. NEVER FELT THIS COOL. MY LIFE IS NEW IN BLUE. I HAPPEN TO LIKE THE NEW HUE OF THE SKY. WHY IS EVERYBODY WORRIED? THERE’S A WILD CHILD INSIDE OF ME AND I’VE GOT TO LET HER FREE. DON’T WANT TO STAY ON THE PATH ANYMORE. WHY SHOULD I BE AFRAID OF TREES? I’D RATHER TANGO WITH WOLVES AND THIEVES THAN HEAD STRAIGHT TO GRANNY’S. OOH, WOKE UP THIS MORNING. OOH. SOMETHING HAD CHANGED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON, BUT I’VE NEVER SUNG A SONG LIKE THIS BEFORE. NEVER FELT THIS COOL. MY LIFE IS NEW IN BLUE. DON’T WANT TO BE NAMED FOR A COLOR I WORE. SAUSAGE “LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD” SOUNDS BETTER THAN “SAUSAGE”. LITTLE BLUE FROM NOW ON I’M GOING TO CALL YOU “FRANK.” SAUSAGE I LIKE THAT NAME. I’LL TAKE IT. THANKS! LITTLE BLUE SO FRANK, WHAT IS THE NEW YOU GONNA DO? WHAT’S GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY? SAUSAGE 23 I’M GOING TO SING AND DANCE WITH YOU, AND NOT BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT. (As they sing birds join in whistling, animals wake up and dance.) LITTLE BLUE & SAUSAGE OOH, WOKE UP THIS MORNING. OOH. SOMETHING HAD CHANGED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON BUT I’VE NEVER SUNG A SONG LIKE THIS BEFORE. NEVER FELT THIS COOL. LITTLE BLUE MY LIFE IS NEW. SAUSAGE DON’T YOU KNOW THAT MY LIFE IS TOO. LITTLE BLUE & SAUSAGE MY LIFE IS NEW IN BLUE. (LITTLE BLUE hears THIEVES returning.) LITTLE BLUE Shhh! Hide! SCENE 4: Den of thieves (LITTLE BLUE and FRANK hide as OTHERS wake with a start as they hear THIEVES (played by FIVE DWARVES) returning with the stolen booty. They sneak into corners to witness what happens next. THIEVES enter.) song: MUDDER

THIEVES WE’VE GOLD AND SILVER, BRASS AND BUDDER, BUTTER CHEESE AND LINEN FOR OUR MUDDER. MOTHER MUDDER MOTHER. MOTHER. DON’T REMIND ME. WATCH YOUR GRAMMAR. USE “TH”, NOT “D”. YOUNG THIEF WE THOUGHT YOU SAID SHE WAS OUR MUDDER, ELDEST BRUDDER. THIEVES DEN BLESS OUR DEAR GRAMMAR. DEN BLESS OUR DEAR GRAMMAR. WE’VE GOLD AND SILVER, BRASS AND BUDDER, CHEESE AND LINEN FOR OUR GRAMMAR. MUDDER GRAMMAR? YOU MEAN GRANDMA. DON’T CONFUSE ME. I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER’S MA, NOT ME. THIEVES WE DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD A MUDDER. MUDDER, MUDDER, WHO’S DIS UDDER? MUDDER You mean "other". THIEVES 24 (suddenly eloquent) WE MEAN: HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? WHO’S THIS LAD, THIS PRETTY BOY WHO’S SLEEPING IN THIS BED? MUDDER (surprised and delighted) You said “this!” THIEVES We said “this?” MUDDER Say “Mother”. THIEVES Mother. MUDDER Brother. THIEVES Brother. Mother, Mother, who’s this other? MUDDER HE LOST HIS WAY. HE’S TRAVELED FAR THIS PRETTY BOY, WORN AND WEARY WHO CAME FROM THERE TO GO SOMEWHERE IN THE SERVICE OF OUR KING. HE CAME HERE IN THE SERVICE OF OUR KING. (MUDDER gets stuck on a note. ONE THIEF slaps her to bring her out of it.) Thanks, son! THIEVES OUR MEAN OLD KING, OUR ROTTEN KING, OUR STINKING KING, SO VILE. MUDDER HE SMILES SO SWEET WITHIN HIS SLEEP. I WONDER WHAT HE’S DREAMING. I’D LIKE TO KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK IN THE SERVICE OF OUR KING. I’D KISS HIM IN THE SERVICE OF OUR KING. THIEVES OUR MEAN OLD KING, OUR SELFISH KING, OUR MISERLY KING, OUR DESPERATE KING, OUR DEGENERATE KING, OUR CONTEMPTIBLE, PERNICIOUS AND PENURIOUS KING. MUDDER That’s the one, dearies! FIVE THIEF I don’t like the looks of him. I think you love him better-er than me! THIEVES I’LL BET HE’S A SPY. HE COULD BE A SPY. ONE THIEF (He pries one of Young Lad’s eyes open) I SEE IT IN HIS EYE. THIEVES WE SEE IT IN HIS EYE. HIS PRETTY BABY BLUES THEY COULD DECEIVE US. MOTHER, MOTHER, WHY’D YOU LET HIM IN THIS DEN OF INNOCENT, TRUSTING THIEVES? OH, MOTHER! THERE’S SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE. WHAT’S HE HERE FOR? 25

MUDDER HE’S INNOCENT. HE’S JUST LOST. LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO REST. THIEVES HE COULD BE A WIZARD OR HE COULD BE A TOAD. HE COULD BE A TAX COLLECTOR COME TO KILL FOR WHAT WE OWE. HIS PRETTY BABY BLUES THEY COULD DECEIVE US. MOTHER, MOTHER, I THINK WE SHOULD KILL HIM WHILE HE’S SLEEPING LIKE A BABY. OH, MOTHER! THERE’S SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE. WHAT’S HE GOT THERE? LOOKS LIKE A LETTER. MUDDER SEALED BY THE ROYAL SEAL! TWO THIEF (sniffs it and makes a face) Yup! That’s a wad of blubber all right. MUDDER & THIEVES AND THOSE WHO BREAK IT WILL HAVE THEIR HEADS UPON A ROYAL PLATTER UNLESS THEY’RE REALLY EXCELLENT THIEVES. MUDDER I raised you right, dearies. Be gentle. Don’t wake him. ONE THIEF What does it say? TWO THIEF I don’t know. I can’t read. THREE THIEF I can’t read. FOUR THIEF I can’t read neither. MUDDER Either. FIVE THIEF Not that neither. MUDDER Ah! But I can! THREE THIEF Ah, Mother! Fortune hath indeed guided him into our midst... FOUR THIEF ... and graced your intellect most handily. MUDDER Your lucid enunciation would make your Grammar proud! (breaks the seal, with a sound of a squealing seal. All concerned that lad might wake, breathe a collective sigh of relief as he still sleeps, unfolds letter) “MY DEAR VOLUPTUOUS AND SIMPLY SCRUMPTIOUS QUEEN,” No one ever called me vo- luptuous. “I COUNT THE HOURS UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.” Your father never wrote the likes of that to me. 26

THIEVES Go on! Go on! MUDDER (chanting on single note pseudo Gregorian style) “I HAVE THE SLIGHTEST FAVOR TO ASK OF YOU, MY DEAR. PLEASE KILL THE LAD WHO BEARS MY ROYAL LETTER. MURDER HIM NOW OR SOONER IF YOU CAN. YESTERDAY WOULDSUIT ME EVEN BETTER. HE MUST NOT USURP MY POWER OR GO NEAR OUR DEAREST DAUGHTER...” THREE THIEF (to another thief) Usurp? FOUR THIEF (laughs) You burp! FIVE THIEF Well, you slurp! ONE THIEIF Mother? What doth “usurp” mean? MUDDER To reassess. To dispossess. To rid the kingdom of it’s rotten king! THIEVES (Excitedly chanting) Usurp! Usurp! Usurp! MUDDER Shhh! “Usurp my power... dearest daughter... I COUNT THE HOURS UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.” Well, the last line is sweet, anyway. THIEVES (1st melody, faster and faster, dancing in circle around the sleeping Lad) DEAR MOTHER, WRITE ANOTHER LETTER. ONE THAT MAKES THE OUTCOME BETTER. HE SHOULD MARRY THE LOVELY PRINCESS. NA NA (2 fart noises) TO OUR KING. MUDDER Brilliant! (writes) “A PRECIOUS LAD DOTH BEAR THIS LETTER. HE WILL MARRY OUR LOVELY DAUGHTER. CLEAN THE CASTLE. PREPARE THE PARTY. THEY WILL WED AS SOON AS I RETURN. Love, Your Royal Majesty.” THIEF ONE What about the seal? MUDDER (Mudder folds the letter and grabs a fish from a bucket of water, whacking the letter which mysteriously makes a seal noise. Admires her work.) Hmm. Not bad. (tucks it into Lad’s sleeve) THIEVES & MUDDER (reverently) HE CAME HERE IN THE SERVICE OF OUR KING. (Blackout.) SCENE 5: Young Lad at the Castle 27

(YOUNG LAD arrives at Castle, approaching front gate. He knocks - could be a knocker with a face that screams every time it is knocked - and SERVANT answers.) YOUNG LAD I’m here to see the Queen. CINDERELLA as SERVANT The Ka, Ka, Ka, Queen? She don’t see no commoners the likes of ya, ya, ya, you. SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER as QUEEN (in the background) Is it someone for me? SERVANT (suspiciously) And who do you do be... who do you dooby dooby do, um... who are you? QUEEN Tell him we’re very busy and... SERVANT Cain’t you see we’re very berry fizzy and... YOUNG LAD I am Young Lad and I have a letter from the King himself which he instructed me to give directly to the Queen. (QUEEN enters hastily) QUEEN Why are you keeping our guest waiting in the front hall? (YOUNG LAD hands her the letter) Ah! (She reads it very quickly, making appropriate noises as she assimilates the implications) My hus- band is totally out of his mind. But he is King, and he’s such a pain when doesn’t get his way. Daughter Princess? GRETEL as YOUNG LAD’S PRINCESS Yes, Mother Queen? QUEEN Your Daddy Dear has picked this pathetic pauper to be your husband. YOUNG LAD Me? Marry... her? Oh, good fortune, indeed! GRETEL (As she looks him over, wrinkles up her nose at his smell.) Eeooh! (GRETEL continues making “eeooh” sound throughout mimed bath) QUEEN Oh well, just try to make the best of it dear. (to the servants) Now! Get him out of those horrid smelling clothes. No! No! Bathe him first. (SERVANTS rush in to dump water on YOUNG LAD, scrub him dress him- all in a very fast minute.) 28 GRETEL Mmm. He smells very nice now. QUEEN (She snaps her fingers, commanding Servants to assemble) Places! I have a wedding to execute! (CHORUS members as SERVANTS line up, begin the busy-ness of decorating, baking, etc. KING returns home. GRETEL comes to greet him.) GRETEL Oh, Your Royal Daddyness! I really like him! I do! Thank you! I was getting so bored just playing with dolls and toads and floating toy boats in the moat. MEAN OLD KING That’s nice, Daughter. Whatever pleases you. But, I really must talk to your Mother to see how a certain little situation has resolved. (Catching attention of QUEEN) Ah, There you are! Smooch! Smooch! QUEEN And Smooch smooch to you, my Pompous Darling. Your letter was quite surprising. A bit unnerving to be sure. MEAN OLD KING I knew you could handle it, my Dear, and take care of all the... shall we say, messy little details. QUEEN It does take talent to plan such an ordeal, but I like to think of myself as being able to handle anything. But, really, he’s a bit young, don’t you think? MEAN OLD KING Just giving him a little nip him in the bud, so to speak. (Gives her a pinch on the fanny. She laughs and slaps his hand playfully.) (YOUNG LAD runs to KING and throws his arms around him.) YOUNG LAD Ah! Future Daddy-in-law. How wonderful to see you again, Sire Sir. I’m a lucky lad indeed, as was pre- dicted at my birth. (KING sputters and chokes. QUEEN slaps him on the back.) GRETEL Wait until you see my dress. The hem is floating in tulips. (Looks at Young Lad) Just like our lips meeting for the first time.... (then embarrassed) QUEEN The petunia piping on her veil is almost complete. Five thousand fresh pigeon pies are baking in the royal bakery. The invitations are sent to your most important subjects... MEAN OLD KING (pulls the Queen aside) I wrote in that letter that you must kill him! He’s a danger to the kingdom! QUEEN Oh!!! Well, why didn’t you write that? (pulls out the letter from her bodice to show him) Really, my Dear, you should be more explicit in your language. Too late, now. I love planning weddings.(Queen contin- ues to approve courtiers coming in and out with things to approve of for the wedding. Things to sign. Food to sample.) song: LITTLE BITTY PROBLEM WITH THE WEDDING 29

MEAN OLD KING Umm, well... THERE’S A LITTLE BITTY PROBLEM WITH THE WEDDING THE WEDDING I DID NOT DECREE (to Young Lad) SO I MUST HAVE YOU FLOGGED AND WHIPPED FOR TRYING TO FOOL ME LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. LA LA LA LA LA LA. YOUNG LAD What do you mean, your Highness? I delivered the letter as you instructed me. MEAN OLD KING BUT THE LETTER THAT I SENT THAT YOU CARRIED IN YOUR COAT WAS NOT THE LETTER THAT I WROTE. YOU GAVE MY QUEEN A DIFFERENT LETTER. SUCH A STUPID BOY. YOU’RE NOT VERY CLEVER. SAY “ADIEU”, SAY “GOOD BYE”, “ADIOS.” TIME TO DIE. YOUNG LAD BUT I CAN NEITHER READ NOR WRITE AND I DID NOT FOOL YOU. I AM A YOUNG LAD OF MY WORD. MY WORD I GAVE TO YOU. YOUNG LAD, GRETEL, QUEEN LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. LA LA LA LA LA LA. YOUNG LAD I DID NOT FORGE A LETTER THAT I CARRIED IN MY COAT SO THE LETTER I DELIVERED HAD TO BE THE ONE YOU WROTE. MEAN OLD KING Hold everything! You just used a very interesting and synchronistically appropriate word: Forge. (looks it up in his Grimminary) “To make a fraudulent copy of. Fake. Falsify. Counterfeit. Pirate. Sentence: DEATH BY TORTURE. DEATH BY TORTURE. DEATH BY TORTURE. DEATH BY TORTURE. CHORUS (caught up in the excitement) DEATH BY TORTURE. DEATH BY TORTURE. GRETEL NO, DADDY! QUEEN NO DARLING! I’VE ALREADY PLANNED THE ENTIRE WEDDING AND THE SQUAWKING OF THE PIGEONS THAT WERE BAKED INTO THE PIE NEARLY DROVE THE OLD COOK CRAZY. I’m not going through that again. TRY THIS HORS D’OEUVRE, IT’S VERY TASTY. (stuffs it into his mouth) MEAN OLD KING & QUEEN YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM. YUMMY, YUMMY, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM. YOUNG LAD DOES THIS REALLY HAPPEN IN MY STORY? WOLF (Wolf’s whiskers twitch painfully in reaction to Young Lad’s fauz pas) Agh! My whiskers! WARTED WITCH You broke the rule! Never comment on the story in the story! (thunder clap) Bad omen! 30

WITCHES, WOLF, KING YOU’RE A STUPID BOY. YOU’RE NOT VERY CLEVER. MEAN OLD KING SAY “ADIEU”, SAY “GOOD BYE”, “ADIOS.” TIME TO DIE. MEAN OLD KING Or here’s an alternative: I CAN GIVE YOU A CHANCE THAT YOU DON’T DESERVE. A TASK SO EASY THAT IT’S QUITE ABSURD. PLUCK THREE GOLDEN HAIRS FROM THE DEVIL’S HEAD. BRING THEM TO ME AND BE HAPPILY WED. I’M SURE HE’S NICE AND YOU’LL SURVIVE. EXCEPT THAT YOU WON’T BE ALIVE. THEN THERE MIGHT BE A... MEAN OLD KING & CHORUS ... LITTLE BITTY PROBLEM WITH THE WEDDING. THE WEDDING HE (I ) DID NOT DECREE. MEAN OLD KING SO I MUST HAVE YOU FLOGGED AND WHIPPED,THRASHED AND MASHED SPLAYED AND FLAYED, LAID IN A GRAVE.... GRETEL NO, DADDY! QUEEN NO DARLING! ANY BEHAVIOR THAT BECOMES COMPULSIVE IN NOT HEALTHY, DEAR. MEAN OLD KING Aw, just one more... YOU MUST DIE FOR YOUR TREACHERY. MEAN OLD KING & CHORUS LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. THE LETTER THAT HE (I) SENT THAT YOU CARRIED IN YOUR COAT WAS NOT THE LETTER THAT HE (I) WROTE. YOU GAVE THE QUEEN A DIFFERENT LETTER. SUCH A STUPID BOY. YOU’RE NOT VERY CLEVER. SAY “ADIEU”, SAY “GOOD BYE”, “ADIOS”. TIME TO DIE. YOUNG LAD In that case, Your Highness, I opt to... TAKE THAT CHANCE THAT I DON’T DESERVE A TASK SO EASY THAT IT’S QUITE ABSURD. PLUCK THREE HAIRS FROM THE DEVIL’S HEAD. A PAUPER TO A PRINCE, I’LL BE HAPPILY WED. I WILL PROVE MY WORTH UPON THIS QUEST. MEAN OLD KING STEP RIGHT UP. BE MY GUEST. YOUNG LAD I WILL DO IT FOR MY KING. I WILL DO IT FOR MY LOVE. I WILL DO IT FOR HONOR. MEAN OLD KING THERE WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE A WEDDING. CHORUS 31 WILL THERE NEVER EVER EVER BE A WEDDING? MEAN OLD KING & CHORUS JUST A LITTLE BITTY PROBLEM WITH THE WEDDING. ALL LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. SCENE 6: Gretel wrestles with her feelings. (YOUNG LAD departs in one direction on his quest, as GRETEL, RAPUNZEL, FROG’S PRINCESS - and optional ANIMAL FRIENDS.) GRETEL (watching Young Lad depart) There he goes. This is all is so much harder than I expected. I acted like a fool, going on about my wedding dress, calling that wretched man “Daddy”, and anything could happen to him. What if he doesn’t come back? RAPUNZEL Everyone says he is lucky. FROG’S PRINCESS I think you are playing your part splendidly. LITTLE BLUE It’s all an adventure! There are so many possibilities. song: GRETEL, POOR GRETEL

GRETEL (as underscoring begins) I’m so confused. I feel things I’ve never felt before. I don’t know who I am any- more. (summoning up new energy) You know what I want to do right now? Just run and run and run. Flit with the butterflies. Flow with the fishies. Forget everything else for awhile. I LOVE THE WOODS. I LOVE THE TREES. I LOVE THEIR LIMBS THAT SWAY. I LOVE THE BIRDS. I LOVE THE BEES. FLOWERS OPENING BY DAY. BUT I’VE BEEN KNOWN TO WANDER AFAR LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL AH.... SHE’S WANDERING TOO FAR. GRETEL AND LOSE THE WAY WITH HANSEL, MY BROTHER. HE IS ALWAYS CASTING CRUMBS TO HELP US FIND THE WAY BACK HOME. (Others look around, realizing they might be lost as well) WE’RE CHILDREN. JUST CHILDREN NO ONE WANTS. THAT’S US. WE’RE CHILDREN. POOR CHILDREN. I WANT TO BE A PRINCESS. I WANT TO FALL IN LOVE. LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL NOW SHE WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE. (Indented lyrics are optional) GRETEL I LOVE THE STARS. I LOVE THE MOON. I LOVE HER CHANGING FACE. 32 I LOVE THE BROOK. I LOVE THE FISH SWIMMING IN ENDLESS GRACE, BUT I KNOW NOTHING MUCH OF ROMANCE. LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL THE GIRL IS NAIVE. GRETEL I CAN SKIP AND RUN BUT CAN’T DANCE. I’VE BAKED A WITCH AND FREED MY BROTHER, BUT I AM LONGING FOR ANOTHER. LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL SHE IS LONGING FOR ANOTHER. GRETEL. POOR GRETEL. WHO IS SHE? GRETEL THAT’S ME. I’M GRETEL. GIRL GRETEL. I WANT TO BE A PRINCESS. I WANT TO FALL IN LOVE. LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL NOW SHE WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE. GRETEL I PLAY THE PART THAT’S NEW TO ME. I GIVE IT ALL MY HEART. I SAY THE LINES. THEY CAPTURE ME. BUT NOW HE MUST DEPART. I’M LIKE SOME CRUMBS INSIDE HIS POCKET. LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL CRUMBLING, CRUMBLING, CRUMBLING INSIDE HIS POCKET. GRETEL I’M A MESS, BUT I CAN’T STOP IT. TO HIM I’M JUST A PLEASANT PEASANT WITH A BIT OF ACTING TALENT. FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL GRETEL. POOR GRETEL. DON’T BELIEVE YOU’RE MORE THAN GRETEL. OUR GRETEL. LITTLE BLUE THINK WHAT YOU WANT TO THINK. WHY NOT LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE? LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL SHE WANTS TO BE A PRINCESS. SHE WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE. LITTLE BLUE SHE’S ALREADY FALLEN. GRETEL WHEN HE’S NEAR I START TO SHIVER. FROG’S PRINCESS SHE’S GOT IT BAD. RAPUNZEL SO BAD. GRETEL THOUGH I’M NOT COLD I QUAKE AND QUIVER. SOMETHING’S AWFULLY WRONG WITH ME. WHO I WAS I CANNOT BE. (GRETEL overcome by fear takes off running, losing her friends.) 33

LITTLE BLUE, FROG’S PRINCESS, RAPUNZEL GRETEL. POOR GRETEL. LOST AGAIN. (blackout) SCENE 7: Young Lad begins his quest for the Three Golden Hairs and receives unexpected riddles. song: WATCHMAN, ASK ME A RIDDLE

(YOUNG LAD goes on his quest, accompanied by his entourage of Grimmlanders, who do their best to remain hidden from view as they witness his progress.) YOUNG LAD ONCE UPON A TIME I BEGAN A QUEST. CROWD OH YES, GOING TO FIND THE MONSTER WOLF EVERY HERO IN THE BOOK NEEDS TO PASS A TEST. YOUNG LAD I WILL NOT FAIL, BUT I WILL CONQUER. I WANT TO LIVE AND I WANT TO MARRY. AS FOR RICHES, THAT WOULD BE NICE. A REALM WOULD SUFFICE. WARTED WITCH HE WALKED AND WALKED AT A VERY FAST RATE. WHICH WITCH HE CAME TO A GATE WITCHES GUARDED BY A WATCHMAN. HUNTSMAN as WATCHMAN ONE Excuse me, Young Lad, but if you want to pass through the gate it will be cinco pesos, 17 dollars and 542 rubyesques. No I-owe-you's. YOUNG LAD But I’m on my way in the service of our king. WATCHMAN ONE Our mean old king? Our contemptible king? YOUNG LAD That’s the one. WATCHMAN ONE Then, double what I just said. Let me see, that’s (scratching head) diez pesos, 34 dollars, and... YOUNG LAD Can we just get on with it? WATCHMAN ONE With what? 34 YOUNG LAD WATCHMAN! ASK ME A RIDDLE. Well...something about the fountain that no longer gushes with wine... (WOLF’s whiskers begin to twitch, as they do whenever something is not right.) WATCHMAN ONE HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL ASK? LAD YOU ALWAYS ASK ME THAT RIDDLE. I GIVE YOU THE ANSWER ON MY WAY BACK. WATCHMAN ONE DO NOT PRESUME TO KNOW THE STORY. REMEMBER EVERYTHING MUST CHANGE. IF YOU’RE NOT SURPRISED BY WHAT IS HAPPENING CROWD YOU CAN’T SAVE GRIMMLAND. IT WON’T RING TRUE. WATCHMAN ONE Here’s the riddle: WHAT IS FORGOTTEN, BUT ALWAYS REMEMBERED? GIVE ME THE ANSWER. I’LL LET YOU PASS. YOUNG LAD THAT’S NOT THE RIDDLE I EXPECTED. WHEN I RETURN I’LL HAVE THE ANSWER. I WILL, UH-HUH! WHEN I RETURN I’LL KNOW THE TRUTH. CHORUS OH, YES, HE WILL! WHEN HE RETURNS HE’LL HAVE THE ANSWER. HE WILL, UH-HUH! WHEN HE RETURNS HE’LL KNOW THE TRUTH. YOUNG LAD (mumbling over and over again so as not to forget) What is forgotten, but always remembered? What is forgotten, but always remembered? What is what? Oh, yes. Always remembered. Hmm. Ice cream melts on a hot day? Hmmm. It is better to pepper your steak on both sides? Hmm. Yes! That’s it! Maybe I’ll even remember the answer and won’t have to see this Monster at all. That could save a lot of time. WATCHMAN! ASK ME A RIDDLE. Something about the apple tree that won’t bear fruit? (begins to doubt himself) HUNTSMAN as WATCHMAN TWO HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL ASK? YOUNG LAD YOU ALWAYS ASK ME THAT RIDDLE. I GIVE YOU THE ANSWER ON MY WAY BACK. WATCHMAN TWO I MUST BE DEALING WITH AN IDIOT WHO CANNOT SEE THE FOREST FOR THE APPLE TREE. IF YOU’RE NOT SURPRISED BY WHAT IS HAPPENING YOU CAN’T SAVE GRIMMLAND. THERE IS NO STORY. WITCHES NO STORY! NO STORY! NO HO-HO-HO STORY! WATCHMAN TWO HOW DO YOU OVERCOME FEAR OF THE DARKNESS? 35 GIVE ME THE ANSWER. I’LL LET YOU PASS. YOUNG LAD THAT’S NOT THE RIDDLE I EXPECTED. I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I RETURN. I’LL HAVE THE ANSWER FOR YOU. I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I RETURN. I’LL HAVE THE ANSWER FOR YOU. I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I RETURN. I’LL HAVE THE ANSWER FOR YOU. (to himself) HOW DO I OVERCOME FEAR OF THE DARKNESS? PERHAPS IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH STRUDEL. OR ROASTED PIG. I SURE AM HUNGRY. IT CERTAINLY IS A LONG WAY TO THE MONSTER’S LAIR. song: LITTLE BLUE’S BLUES

(As others continue LITTLE BLUE confides in FRANK) LITTLE BLUE (to FRANK) OOH, I CAN’T STAY HERE. I’M ABOUT TO GO INSANE SOMETHING’S CALLING FROM WAY OUT THERE. FRANK What? LITTLE BLUE A PLACE I’VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE. I CAN’T WASTE MY TIME. I’VE GOT TO FIND WHAT’S MINE. I... I have to go. Come with me? (FRANK looks at the others, contemplating his decision, then shakes his head sadly “no”. He last one to leave he regretfully follows the group as LITTLE BLUE exits into audience and out through front of house, noticed by GRANNY, CINDERELLA'S STEPSISTER AND STEPMOTHER. YOUNG LAD comes to a river with a ferry and the FERRYMAN rowing with oars.). YOUNG LAD Greetings, Ferryman! I’m sure that you remember me, since I’ve met you coming and going too many times to remember. I’m on a quest from the King and I need to complete it very soon so I can marry the Princess, and, uh... something else. Save, umm... move into the Castle and save... I know I need to get things just right. Then everything will be fine! HUNTSMAN as FERRYMAN I wish upon the gods of Grimmland that I had never seen you, but I have a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that we indeed have met before. (to himself) He has got to be the stupidest lad on the face of Grimm. Met me coming and going indeed... too many times to remember. Hurrumph! LAD I’m in a terrible hurry, for reasons that I can’t disclose because if I reveal too much.... GRANNY He’s already revealed too much. ONE Blabbermouth. YOUNG LAD ...well, then, the story could be ruined, so may I anticipate your riddle? (clears throat and begins his song) 36 FERRYMAN! ASK ME A RIDDLE. FERRYMAN Why should such an arrogant little snit snot who can’t grasp the single most important thing on the face of Grimmland right now in this moment conspire to receive what he does not deserve? LAD Umm, I don’t think that’s the one. No, that doesn’t seem right at all. You must ask me why you have to keep ferrying day and night and no one ever takes your place. And then: I GIVE YOU THE ANSWER ON MY WAY BACK. FERRYMAN It is true that I am tired beyond belief of ferrying back and forth and back and forth, and I would rejoice in being king or ... just an ordinary pauper. But, no, that is not the riddle which I must speak. Now listen, and listen well. This is the riddle: (musical fanfare and underscore) WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE STORY IS OVER?

LAD I already know the answer! I get the kingdom. I get the girl. More for me! SNOW WHITE’S PRINCE He’s forgetting the purpose! I will talk to him, man to man. WOLF (whiskers twitching wildly) You will do no such thing. CINDERELLA Is that interfering with the story? RUMP Who cares? RAPUNZEL I care. One perfect story. We agreed we need one perfect story. RUMP If he hasn’t botched it already. (FROG PRINCE only ribets, more noticeably amphibian.) HANSEL Well, what can we do? Just hide? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER (noticing sky is even more blue) The sky! Oh, I can’t even bear to look at it. GRANNY We need to regroup. (to Witches) Plan of action, Sisters? WARTED WITCH Does anyone have some sheep dung? (Someone reaches into their pocket or scrapes bottom of their shoes.) Just a dusting will do. Yes, thank you. (WITCHES sprinkle YOUNG LAD with imaginary dung - with sound effect - as he be- comes hypnotized and frozen in time.) song: DUTY (HYPNOTIZING YOUNG LAD) 37 WITCHES SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP. YOUR MIND BE CLEAR AND DEEP A HITHKY HAW AND KITHCY KAW. A SNIBBLE SNARK AND SNEEP. NOW YOU WILL LISTEN TO YOUR MISSION AND DO NOT MAKE A PEEP. (YOUNG LAD snores a bit.) NOT A PEEP! IF YOUR BARGAIN YOU WILL BREAK WE’LL EXPOSE YOU AS A FAKE. IF YOUR HEART WILL NOT STAY TRUE WE’LL BOIL YOU INTO A STEW. GRANNY WAS THAT LAST PART REALLY NECESSARY? CHORUS YES! YES! YES! (YOUNG LAD is totally frozen, eyes wide in fear.) RAPUNZEL YOU SAID YOU COULD DO THIS. ONE PERFECT STORY. ONE PERFECT STORY MAY BE ALL WE NEED TO RESTORE OUR LAND, BRING BACK OUR FRIENDS, AND TELL THE TALES THAT BRING GRIMMLAND GLORY. AND I BELIEVED YOU. I WAS SO HOPEFUL. YOU SEEMED SO SINCERE AND QUITE UNSELFISH. NOW WE DON’T EXIST IN YOUR PRIVATE QUEST. YOU WANT THE PRIZE BUT YOU WON’T GO THE DISTANCE. CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF STEP UP AND DO YOUR DUTY! CHORUS STEP UP AND DO YOUR DUTY! CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! CHORUS WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! FIND STRENGTH. DIG DEEP. WE NEED YOU TO TRUST THE STORY AND THEN SEE IT THROUGH. YOU’VE GOT WORK TO DO. CINDERELLA DO YOU THINK THAT WHAT I REALLY WANT IS TO SIT IN SOOT AND SCRUB THE POTS, STUCK AT HOME PICKING LENTILS OUT OF COALS WHILE MY STEPSISTERS GLOAT IN SILK AND JEWELS? I KNOW ONE DAY MY PRINCE WILL COME AND HE’LL SEE ME FOR WHO I AM BECAUSE I DID MY DUTY! DUTY! FROG PRINCE DO YOU THINK SOMEONE OF ROYAL BLOOD 38 SHOULD HOP AND CROAK AND TRACK IN MUD? I KNOW HER KISS WILL BREAK THE HEX BUT THE SIGHT OF ME MAKES HER WANT TO RETCH. BUT ONCE I FETCH HER GOLDEN BALL- OH! MY CHANCE FOR TRANSFORMATION FOLLOWS. I ALWAYS DO MY RIBET! RIBET! DUTY! CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF STEP UP AND DO YOUR DUTY! CHORUS STEP UP AND DO YOUR DUTY! CHORUS & WOLF DUTY! DUTY! WOLF WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! CHORUS WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! FROG’S PRINCESS Go ahead, Rapunzel. RAPUNZEL Without my hair? Would anyone care? WHICH WITCH You need to tell it. He needs to hear it. RAPUNZEL TALK ABOUT PAIN WHEN YOUR HAIR BECOMES A WINCH PULLING UP A WITCH AND A MUSCLE-BOUND PRINCE. THOUGH MY TRESSES TEAR I NEVER NOT CRY OR ASK MYSELF, “WHY ME, OH WHY?” SO I TEND MY CROWNING GLORY. AND DON’T DEMAND ANOTHER STORY BUT I CHOOSE MY DUTY. DUTY! CHORUS DUTY! DUTY! DUTY! DUTY! YOU MUST DO YOUR DUTY! WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! DUTY! DUTY! WE ALL MUST DO OUR DUTY! STEP UP AND DO YOUR DUTY! FIND STRENGTH. DIG DEEP. WE NEED YOU TO TRUST THE STORY AND THEN SEE IT THROUGH. YOU’VE GOT WORK TO DO. WORK TO DO. WORK TO DO. RAPUNZEL YOU SAID YOU COULD DO THIS. ONE PERFECT STORY. ONE PERFECT STORY MAY BE ALL WE NEED TO RESTORE OUR LAND, BRING BACK OUR FRIENDS, CHORUS AND FIND THE WAY TO BRING GRIMMLAND GLORY. (WITCHES sprinkle more sheep dung on YOUNG LAD.) WITCHES 39 (in rhythm) Wake! Wake! Wake up, clear! Remember the reason you are here. YOUNG LAD (coming out of spell) I feel like myself again. (Rises and starts walking.) ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A LAD LIKE ME HIS SIGHT GREW DIM AND DIMMER. THEN HE REMEMBERED A GIRL HE'D SEEN. ONE HE COULD LOVE FOREVER. So, that’s what it feels like. (SLEEPING BEAUTY falls asleep again. YOUNG LAD whistles “DUTY” as continues on his journey.) SCENE 8: Granny confronted about Little Blue’s behavior. As YOUNG LAD goes out of earshot a conversation with GRANNY & CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER & STEPMOTHER ensues.) CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER (to Granny) Speaking of duty, some of us are very concerned that Little Red Riding Hood’s attitude might be making our situation more dire. I saw her sneaking off earlier. Frankly, it seems suspicious. GRANNY You mean Little Blue. She changed her name, remember? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER She has no right to change her name! That is not how it works in Grimmland. You for one should know that very well. CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER There is talk that you are shirking your duties as her Granny by not keeping her in line. GRANNY Well, apparently she has a mind of her own. CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER A mind of her own? We do not create our own stories here. Can you imagine the chaos? Where’s the moral? What’s the purpose? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER I’m saying this to you as a friend, Granny. If you cannot control her someone may have to do it for you. GRANNY Is that some kind of threat? What are you going to do? Make her wear red? Lock her up? And further- more, we need to keep all our attention on helping Young Lad tell his story. At least, that’s what I’m do- ing. CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER Well, don’t say we didn’t warn you. GRANNY Yes, you’ve warned me. Now, let’s back to the business at hand. (They head in Young Lad’s direction, careful to stay out of his sight.) SCENE 9: Young Lad at the Monster’s lair. (YOUNG LAD sees the door to the Monster’s Lair ahead. sign: “Monster’s Lair. Enter at 40 your own risk.” Underscoring of “COME IN”) YOUNG LAD There it is! (YOUNG LAD knocks on the door, answered by MONSTER’S MAMÁ. She immediately grabs him as a tango partner, putting him through the moves.) song: COME IN! COME IN!

MONSTER’S MAMÁ OH, NO! IT’S NOT WISE TO KNOCK AT MY DOOR. COME IN. COME IN. DEAR LAD, I FEEL LIKE I’VE SEEN YOU BEFORE. IF YOU WANT TO DIE, COME IN! I DON’T GET MUCH COMPANY HERE ANYMORE. COME IN. COME IN. WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU COME HERE FOR? IF YOU WANT TO DIE, COME IN! LAD (trying to sing and dance at the same time) I NEED THREE GOLDEN HAIRS FROM THE MONSTER WITHIN ON ACCOUNT OF THE ORDERS OF OUR MEAN OLD KING. FOR I HAVE THREE RIDDLES THAT MUST BE SOLVED. GET YOUR SON TO GIVE THE ANSWERS AND I’LL BE ABSOLVED OR ELSE I WON’T GET THE CASTLE OR THE KINGDOM OR THE GIRL AND THINGS WILL DISAPPEAR UNTIL THERE’S NO MORE WORLD. MONSTER’S MAMÁ MY SWEET YOUNG LAD, YOU SEEM VERY NICE. COME IN. COME IN. AND TERRIBLY NAIVE TO PAY SUCH A PRICE, BUT IF YOU WANT TO DIE, COME IN! IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE MANY TIMES THAT I DROPPED HIM ON HIS HEAD AND I LET HIM SWALLOW FROGS BEFORE THEY WERE DEAD. I’M A BAD, BAD MAMA TO HAVE RAISED SUCH A SON. OH, MY GUILT AND SUFFERING GO ON AND ON AND ON. BUT HE’S SWEET WHEN HE’S SLEEPING , WITH HIS HEAD UPON MY KNEE. THAT’S WHEN I’LL PLUCK HIS HAIRS ONE TWO THREE. (SNOW WHITE is taking this character to a new level: taking a few creative liberties with the role. A rapid fire string of sentences with no space for Young Lad to reply:) You dance divinely. Where did you learn? No one has come to visit me anymore. Oh, it’s not really his fault. Despite his disgusting habits and violent tendencies he’s really quite sweet. Tell me again why you’re here. I’ve lost the thread of it somehow. (CHORUS sings from where they are to re-enforce Young Lad’s message) LAD & CHORUS I (HE) NEED(S) THREE GOLDEN HAIRS FROM THE MONSTER WITHIN ON ACCOUNT OF THE ORDERS OF OUR MEAN OLD KING. FOR I (HE HAS) HAVE THREE RIDDLES THAT MUST BE SOLVED. GET YOUR SON TO GIVE THE ANSWERS AND I’LL (HE’LL) BE ABSOLVED OR ELSE I (HE) WON’T GET THE CASTLE OR THE KINGDOM OR THE GIRL AND THINGS WILL DISAPPEAR UNTIL THERE’S NO MORE WORLD. MONSTER’S MAMÁ Your voice sounds fuller by the minute. So, what are the riddles? YOUNG LAD Number one is... (whispers in her ear.) 41

MONSTER’S MAMÁ I’ve often wondered that myself. And number two? (He whispers in her ear.) What a fascinating ques- tion. Number three? (He whispers in her ear.) Oh! The rhythm in the riddles. Feel it? (bangs her hips against his) Ka-boom! Ka-bam! Ka-bim! Marvelous! But, I must warn you: DEAR LAD, TO THOSE WHO TO ENTER THIS LAIR: BEWARE. BEWARE. THAT’S WHY I HAVE NO FRIENDS AROUND HERE. He ate the cat, the maid, the huntsman and his horse, the baker and the tailor, just for a first course. SO PLEASE BE AWARE; BEWARE. (As they continue dancing YOUNG LAD attempts to speed up tempo, but she strong- holds him in slow dramatic embraces.) YOUNG LAD MADAME, PERHAPS WE SHOULD WORK OUT A PLAN. BE QUICK. BE QUICK. HOW CAN I HIDE FROM YOUR MONSTROUS SON? HELP ME! HELP ME HIDE, IF YOU CAN! I HEAR A NOISE, HEAR A NOISE, HEAR A NOISE, HEAR A ... (rattling and stomping) MONSTER’S MAMÁ Shh! What is that? Oh no! MONSTER’S MAMÁ & YOUNG LAD It’s him! MONSTER’S MAMÁ WHEN HE COMES BACK HOME HE IS ALWAYS STARVED. EATS A DOZEN CHICKENS AND A BARREL OF LARD. HIS FATHER WAS GARGANTUAN, THOUGH ARDUOUS IN LOVE. HIDEOUS, IT’S TRUE, BUT AS GENTLE AS A DOVE AND I’D LOVE TO TELL YOU MORE, BUT THERE SIMPLY ISN’T TIME OR ELSE MY DEAREST SON ON YOU WILL DINE. I know! I will turn you into something very small. An ant! Oh, what is that old inc-ant-a-tion? MONSTER FEE, FI, FO, FUM. MAMÁ, MAMÁ I SMELL A HUMAN. MAMÁ, MAMÁ I AM SIMPLY SALIVATING. I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL I TASTE HIM. I MUST FIND HIM. THEN MUST KILL HIM AND I’LL EAT HIM. MAMÁ, MAMÁ WHAT A TASTY TREAT FOR ME THIS DAY COULD TURN OUT TO BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! MONSTER’S MAMÁ (To Monster) NO, HONEY. YOU ARE MISTAKEN THE CURDS HAVE JUST TURNED SOUR. (to Young Lad) Let’s try this: FLIPPY SNIPPY KIPPY KAR. FROM LAD TO ANT HOW SMALL YOU ARE. (Nothing happens as Monster’s sounds get louder. A chicken squawks) Not to worry. I have another one: I RECANT MY FORMER CHANT. TURN THIS LAD INTO AN ANT TO HIDE WITHIN MY AMPLE SKIRT ALL DANGER TO AVERT. (nothing happens) Hmmm. FARDY DARDY DARDY DAR! 42 (YOUNG LAD disappears.) MONSTER (just offstage) Chickens! Lard. Human! Hungry! (MONSTER’S MAMÁ laughs and squirms uncontrollably as ‘ant’ tickles her.MONSTER enters room, eating a whole chicken complete with feathers) MONSTER What’s so funny? Are are you talking to the human? MONSTER’S MAMÁ No! To you, dear. Just happy you’re home. HA HA HA HA HA! You must have had a tiring day. Come take a wee nappy in Mamá’s lappy while Mama picks the nits out of your hair. (pats her lap) MONSTER I had to chase mountain goats up and down and down and up before I caught a one. Skinny, scrawny, scrappy things. Hardly worth the bother. MONSTER’S MAMÁ (He puts his head in her lap) My poor baby. (Ant tickles her again.) HA HA HA HA HEE! Sorry, dear. I just remembered a joke. MONSTER What was the... (MONSTER yawns, falls asleep and begins snoring. MONSTER’s MAMá plucks out a hair. He wakes with a start.) MONSTER Ouch! What? MONSTER’S MAMÁ Oh! I think I fell asleep too. I must have pulled your hair when I dozed off. Son, you are just a wizard when it comes to answering riddles. One darted into my mind while I was dreaming: WHAT IS FORGOTTEN BUT ALWAYS REMEMBERED? (a cappella, same melody as WATCHMAN.)

MONSTER How hungry I am! (both laugh) MONSTER’S MAMÁ No, seriously, Son. Philosophy has always been your strong point. Well, that and your body odor. MONSTER (puts his fingers to his temple and becomes immediately brilliant and articulate) What is forgotten, but al- ways remembered? Truth, of course. Can I go back to sleep now? MONSTER’S MAMÁ My brilliant son! (He falls immediately asleep as she hums and strokes his head. She plucks out a out a second hair. MONSTER wakes with a start.) MONSTER Ouch! Did you dream a riddle again? MONSTER’S MAMÁ 43 Yes, dear. I was dreaming that I was completely in the dark and suddenly a bright light shone through. That’s when I woke up with a start and must have pulled your hair. Son, call upon your special gift and an- swer me this: HOW DO YOU OVERCOME FEAR OF THE DARKNESS? (a cappella, same melody as WATCHMAN.)

MONSTER This waking up is making me very irritable and hungry. (sniffs suspiciously into her skirt) MONSTER’S MAMÁ You are the only one I know smart enough to answer this riddle. I’ll make you some alphabet soup later for a treat. MONSTER Ooh!. With aardvarks, bats, crickets, deer, elk, fleas, geese, hens, iguanas, jellyfish, koalas, llamas, mink, nematodes, octopus, prairie dogs, quail, rabbits, snot, turtledoves, unicorns, vermin, wasps, a xiphoid process, yak, and zebras. MONSTER’S MAMÁ But if you don’t answer your Mamá? No soup for you. MONSTER (puts his fingers to his temple and becomes immediately brilliant and articulate) How do you overcome fear of the darkness? By being willing to see what is there. And, of course, what is not there. MONSTER’S MAMÁ My brilliant son! (MONSTER falls immediately asleep as she hums and strokes his head. MONSTER’S MAMÁ plucks out a third hair. MONSTER wakes with a start.) MONSTER Mamá! What now? MONSTER’S MAMÁ (picks out some nits as she soothes him by stroking his head) I really need to shampoo you, dear. Now, let me see. Yes, I heard another riddle in my dream. Why am I not a famous dancer? No! No! No! That’s not it. Ummm... WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE STORY IS OVER? (a cappella, same melody as WATCHMAN.)

MONSTER What happens when the story is over? (puts his fingers to his head) I do not know, for it isn’t yet here! MONSTER’S MAMÁ Well, two out of three isn’t bad. Shhh! Honey, I think I heard a human out back. Maybe you’d better go and check. MONSTER (runs out screaming) I’ll rip yer head off! I’ll swallow yer eyeballs. I’ll lick yer knees! MONSTER’S MAMÁ (to Young Lad) Thank goodness. I’ve had enough of your tickling. I will turn you back into a human and you must run for your life. BRILLY SILLY FRILLY FERN. ANT TO LAD NOW DOTH RETURN (nothing happens) Oh no! FARDY DARDY DARDY DAR. (YOUNG LAD rematerializes. She grabs YOUNG LAD for one last dance.) I AM SO SAD. I AM GOING TO CRY. GOODBYE. GOODBYE. 44 WHO KNEW I’D EVER BE DANCING WITH YOU? (as lyric is extended she keeps twirling him, holding onto the delight dancing. MONSTER keeps commencing in the background “I’ll find you and eat you” etc.) HERE ARE THE HAIRS, ONE, TWO , THREE, NOW YOU MUST LEAVE VERY QUICKLY, (as she holds him in a long embrace) ALL HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, HURRY! MONSTER’S MAMÁ UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE. GOODBYE! (YOUNG LAD wriggles free) MONSTER (offstage, crying) Mamá! I can’t find him! MONSTER’S MAMÁ (whispering to Young Lad ) I hope you will discover the answer to the last riddle. (YOUNG LAD exits unseen by MONSTER who enters simultaneously by different en- trace) MONSTER’S MAMÁ Oh, when will I dance again? MONSTER Dance? You like to dance, Mamá? (MONSTER turns physically elegant in one moment. MONSTER & MONSTER’S MAMÁ dance together as scene closes. SCENE 10: Young Lad confronts the Ferryman and regains his sincerity. (YOUNG LAD emerges from the Monster’s Lair, and begins to retrace his steps to FER- RYMAN.) song: IT’S BACK TO THE CASTLE (ONCE UPON A TIME SONG)

CROWD He made it! (quiet cheers, jubilation, comments.) YOUNG LAD IT’S BACK TO THE CASTLE WITH THE GOLDEN HAIRS. CROWD THINGS ARE LOOKING VERY HOPEFUL. YOUNG LAD I ESCAPED THE MONSTER’S RAVENOUS SNARES. CROWD WE AGREE HE PLAYED HIS PART WELL. CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER 45 BUT WHAT ABOUT THE RIDDLE THAT HAS NO ANSWER? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO RED RIDING HOOD? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER & STEPSISTER SHE’S UP TO NO GOOD. FROG PRINCE SOON I WILL BE NOTHING BE NOTHING BUT SLIME THERE ISN’T MUCH TIME. SEVERAL OTHERS WHAT IF IT’S ALL A DISASTER? (YOUNG LAD arrives at river and FERRYMAN) YOUNG LAD Hey, ho, Ferryman. I have good news, and bad news. FERRYMAN (drolly) The bad news is that you’re still alive and the good news is you found the answer to my riddle. YOUNG MAN No, actually, You have that backwards. The good news is that I’m still alive, the bad news is that I don’t have the answer to your riddle. FERRYMAN What have you been doing all this time, if not solving the riddle? YOUNG LAD Oh, very important things. I successfully fulfilled my mission by getting Three Golden Hairs on my quest for the Mean Old King. Look! (shows off the Golden Hairs) These are very, very important. I didn’t get my head ripped off, my eyeballs swallowed, or my knees licked, and I learned that I’m not a bad dancer, which will come in handy for my wedding reception. I was able to procure two correct answers for two of the riddles! FERRYMAN I see you didn’t develop your smarts one wit. Do you really think it is wise to be waving the Three Hairs about in such an obvious manner? (FERRYMAN grabs the Golden Hairs from YOUNG LAD) YOUNG LAD Those are mine! FERRYMAN Some things you need to be discreet about. (YOUNG LAD looks blank) Discreet. Kept hidden. Pri- vate. You don’t go on a quest for personal gain and glory and gloating. YOUNG LAD Well, I will receive personal gain and glory, and I’ve a right to gloat, for I have the Three Golden Hairs and I will be justly rewarded. I risked my neck for these! (tries unsuccessfully to grab them back) (WOLF, GRANNY, WARTY WITCH and WHICH WITCH congregate for a meeting.) WARTY WITCH I thought we cured him of this! WOLF 46 Ego! Ego! Too much ego. GRANNY What am I supposed to be writing? That our hero has made no progress whatsoever? What kind of story is that? WHICH WITCH Remember, your job is just to write down the story. GRANNY Can we see if anything is getting better? (WITCHES conjure energy to project images from THE BOOK.) GRANNY Look! My writing fades almost as soon as I do it. I do still see him. See? WOLF His image is strong. That’s a good sign. GRANNY Are we doing any good at all? Which Witch? Warty? Wolf? What’s your appraisal? WOLF He seems responsive to suggestions, both good and bad. WHICH WITCH Well, then, Warty, let’s have another go. (Moving in closer to Young Lad, yet still trying to stay out of sight, they begin humming [or singing “DUTY!” to reprogram him again.)

FERRYMAN You don’t have the answer to the riddle. You promised with your word. Have you no honor, Young Lad? YOUNG LAD (shamefaced, sits down to contemplate) But the Monster didn’t know the answer. FERRYMAN You don’t posses a brain yourself? You do not know what happens when the story is over? YOUNG LAD Lunch? FERRYMAN (holds oars out to block his passage on ferry) You may not pass. You may not go. You may not pro- ceed. YOUNG LAD I was sure that the Monster would give me all the answers. (sincerely) I give you my personal word that I will come back and tell you as soon as I know the answer for sure. (FERRYMAN hands back the Golden Hairs to YOUNG LAD.) WHICH WITCH (whispering to others.) It seems to be helping. 47 YOUNG LAD So much that I thought I knew I don’t know anymore. Everything is different. New. FERRYMAN I believe that you have humbled yourself, and there is hope for the Kingdom. You may pass with one more promise: that you bring the King here to this very spot. YOUNG LAD How will I do that? FERRYMAN That is yours to find out. Consider it another part of your quest. (starts humming “Duty” with the others)

YOUNG LAD Hmm. That tune sounds so familiar. (YOUNG LAD continues on his journey, whistling “DUTY”. Exits.)

SCENE 11: Little Blue asks Gretel to join her and continues on her own adventure. (LITTLE BLUE enters stage from the house. Lights up on Castle as she approaches the front gate. She knocks and SERVANT answers.) LITTLE BLUE I’m here to see Gretel. SERVANT Ain’t no Gre, Gre, Gretel here, miss. LITTLE BLUE Oh. I mean, the Princess. SERVANT (suspiciously) And who do you do be... who do you dooby dooby do, um... who are you? QUEEN Tell her we’re very busy and... SERVANT Cain’t you see we’re very berry fizzy and... LITTLE BLUE I’m her friend. Let me in. (pushes her way through the door) QUEEN ... very busy. SERVANT Very ferry hurry busy. QUEEN Preparing for the royal wedding. SERVANT What she just said. KING (offstage) I keep telling you, the wedding is off. He’s probably dead by now. 48

QUEEN Now, dear, there’s no reason to believe the worst. SERVANT No reason to believin’... (snaps her fingers to dismiss SERVANT, who exits) The thought of marriage has quite transformed our little girl. She is positively radiant! (to LITTLE BLUE) I think It’s nice that you came to visit her, even though you are a commoner. (GRETEL enters and sees LITTLE BLUE) GRETEL Little Blue! (steps away from King & Queen) What do you know? Have you heard anything? LITTLE BLUE Oh, yes. Several of us were watching him pursue his quest. But, Gretel, I just had to leave. I felt compelled... GRETEL (interupting) So, he’s safe? LITTLE BLUE He was the last time I saw him, although he was getting a bit fouled up. I wouldn’t worry. But listen, I have something very important to show you. Come with me. (LITTLE BLUE tries to pull GRETEL to- wards the audience.) GRETEL Come with you? Where? I can’t... LITTLE BLUE I’ve seen something. GRETEL What? LITTLE BLUE Humans. GRETEL (draw back, afraid) You can’t. It’s not allowed. That’s a transgression. A crossing over of boundaries. It’s very dangerous. LITTLE BLUE Who says? GRETEL It’s understood. No one has to say anything. We all know it. Little Blue, I’m worried sick about Young Lad, but now I’m worried about you too. LITTLE BLUE If you came with me you could see for yourself. They are out there, hiding in the darkness. You need to get away from these crazy people! GRETEL No! I don’t want to see. I want to stay here in this castle and wait for Young Lad to come back. I want my Father to see him for what he is; a hero. A future King. I want my wedding with a perfect dress and a 49 huge white cake and I want to dance all night long in shoes like Cinderella’s. LITTLE BLUE (laughing) Your Father? Your Husband? This isn’t real. GRETEL Real! Humans aren’t real. You’re only seeing what you want to see. LITTLE BLUE So are you! I wanted to share this with you. I thought you’d be excited. Because you’re my friend. Turns out you’re just like everybody else. Only Frank believes in me. GRETEL I’m sorry. I can’t leave. I care what happens here. I’m more the Princess and less and less Gretel. It’s just the way it is. LITTLE BLUE I feel different from everyone else. I am different. But I can’t help it. I’ m going to try to see the humans again. GRETEL I wish you wouldn’t. I think it will make things go very badly. LITTLE BLUE You know the way you have to stay here and wait for Young Lad? That’s the way I have to leave. GRETEL You’re not scared, are you? LITTLE BLUE I stopped being afraid a very long time ago. But I am lonely sometimes. (GRETEL & LITTLE BLUE hug each other, then LITTLE BLUE exits quickly. As she leaves the Castle, it starts to dim and disintegrate. Gretel gasps, as she starts to under- stand what’s happening. LITTLE BLUE exits stage directly into the audience, as if trying to make out the forms in front of her.) GRETEL Little Blue! Come back! I changed my mind. I want to go with you. Where am I? Where are you? Help! Little Blue! (LITTLE BLUE walks through house and exits concurrent with stage blackout.) SCENE 12: Young Lad answers two riddles and is rewarded. (YOUNG LAD enter, approaching SECOND WATCHMAN) SECOND WATCHMAN Ah! There you are. YOUNG LAD Good news, friend! Go ahead, ask me! SECOND WATCHMAN HOW DO YOU OVERCOME FEAR OF THE DARKNESS? YOUNG LAD By being willing to see what is there and not there. (aside) Whatever that means. 50

SECOND WATCHMAN That is so true. And touching. (starts to weep, crying on YOUNG LAD’s shoulder.) Thank-you. Thank- you. That explains so much. YOUNG LAD It does? SECOND WATCHMAN And for your reward here is a donkey with two bags of gold coins. May your journey home be safe. YOUNG LAD Well, I guess a lad can always use more gold. (tips his hat goodbye) (YOUNG LAD walks in a circle, approaching FIRST WATCHMAN.) FIRST WATCHMAN Ah! There you are. YOUNG LAD Good news, friend! Go ahead, ask me! FIRST WATCHMAN WHAT IS FORGOTTEN, BUT ALWAYS REMEMBERED? YOUNG LAD The truth, my friend. Or so I’ve been told. SECOND WATCHMAN That is so wise. So... true. (starts to weep, crying on YOUNG LAD’s shoulder.) Thank-you. Thank-you. That explains so much. And for your reward here is another donkey with two more bags of gold coins. May your journey home be safe. YOUNG LAD Well, I guess a lad can always use more gold. (tips his hat goodbye.) (YOUNG LAD continues on his journey, exiting stage unnoticed by his entourage as they becomes embroil in their doubts. LITTLE BLUE is seen (dimly) now and then in the audience.) SCENE 13: Grimmlanders fall into doubt and confusion. song: WHAT IF?

RAPUNZEL See? Everything is going very well. SNOW WHITE’S STEPMOTHER Exactly what do you mean by ‘going well’? WHAT ABOUT THE RIDDLE HE COULD NOT ANSWER? HUH? HUH? HUH? ONE WHAT IF HE CAN’T CONVINCE THE KING TO MEET THE FERRYMAN? TWO WHAT DOES THE FERRYMAN WANT WITH THE KING? DWARVES & MORE 51 WHAT IF THE FERRYMAN IS OUR ENEMY? WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF? WHAT IF? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER WHERE HAS LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD GONE. WHAT IS SHE UP TO? FRANK She’s Little Blue! C’S STEPMOTHER, RUMP, PUSS WHAT IF SHE IS THE CAUSE OF THIS? A TRAITOR IN OUR MIDST. GRANNY & WOLF WHAT IF HE SHOULD HEAR US TALK AND DOUBT AND WHINE AND ARGUE? WOLF WHAT IF WE JUST KEPT OUR HEADS AND HELPED HIM STAY ON TRACK? WITCHES (to crowd) WHAT IF YOU DON’T ASK “WHAT IF” BUT JUST KEEP QUIET. STOP THIS IDLE SPECULATION. PUSS IN BOOTS WHAT IF THE MONSTER’S JUST BEHIND US? HUH? HUH? HUH? BLUE BEARD & CINDERELLA WHAT IF THE GOLDEN HAIRS WERE JUST A PLOY TO KILL THE BOY? FROG’S PRINCESS WHO PUT GRANNY AND WOLF IN CHARGE? HANSEL & SLEEPING BEAUTY (awake for her line) WHAT IF THEY’RE MUDDLED AND BEFUDDLED? CHORUS WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF? WHAT IF? RUMP WHAT IF YOUNG LAD KEEPS ALL THE GOLD WHILE WE ARE LEFT WITH NOTHING? FROG PRINCE WHAT IF HE BECOMES THE KING AND HE IS WORSE THAN BAD? CHORUS WHAT IF WE TAKE THE GOLD OURSELVES AND BUY A GREAT BIG LUNCHEON? MEN (not Wolf) WHAT IF WHEN WE DO RETURN HE’S THROWN IN THE DUNGEON? WITCHES & RAPUNZEL (to crowd) WHAT IF YOU DON’T ASK “WHAT IF” BUT JUST KEEP QUIET. CROWD (remembering Young Lad, quieter) JUST KEEP QUIET. WITCHES STOP THIS IDLE SPECULATION. ALL 52 WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? (voices overlap, including Puss mewing, Frog Prince, ribeting, Wolf howling) GRANNY WHAT IF HIS STORY COMES TO GLORY? HUH? HUH? HUH? WOLF WHAT IF WE REJOICED ABOUT HOW FAR YOUNG LAD HAS COME? CHORUS WHAT IF YOU TELL US ALL RIGHT NOW JUST WHERE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD IS HIDING? WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF? WHAT IF? CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER: WHAT IF SHE’S THE CAUSE OF THIS? CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER: WHAT IF WE CAN’T FIND HER? (Following lines delivered as overlapping cacophony with mewing, , ribeting, howling as above) FROG PRINCE: WHAT IF I TURN FULLY FROG? FRANK (to Frog Prince) WHAT IF WE’RE THEIR SUPPER? RUMP WHAT IF MY NAME I CAN’T RECALL? CINDERELLA’S PRINCE WHAT IF SHE NEVER WAKES? FRANK WHAT IF THEY HURT MY DEAREST FRIEND? BLUE BEARD WHAT IF MY BEARD STAYS PINK? CINDERELLA WHAT IF THE WITCH IS HIDING SOMETHING? HANSEL WHAT IF WE’RE UNDER HER SPELL? CHORUS WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? GRANNY WHAT IF WE ALL JUST TAKE A BREATH? Hmmm? That’s it. Nice and easy. In. Now out. In. Breathe deep into your belly. (GRANNY conducts an instant mediation class. They stretch, yawn, etc.) GRANNY EVERYTHING IS WELL. (GRANNY takes a moment to look around, smile at everyone being calmer.) 53

ALL (except Granny) BUT, WHAT IF? GRANNY (loud command) Breathe! (In the confusion of last scene Young Lad’s entourage have completely lost sight of him. As Nursery Rhymes not normally in the domain of Grimmland become more jumbled, men- tal clarity disintegrates.) song: ONCE UPON A TIME (CONFUSED NURSERY RHYMES)

GRANNY (singing to keep everyone calm) ONCE UPON A TIME A COW JUMPED OVER THE MOON (she’s like “wait a minute, what in the world am I singing?”) CHORUS HAS ANYBODY SEEN OUR HERO? GRANNY ONCE UPON A TIME A DISH ELOPED WITH A SPOON CHORUS WHERE OH WHERE DID OUR YOUNG LAD GO? MEN LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN. ONE SHOE IS OFF AND ONE SHOE IS ON MY SON JOHN. WOMEN JACK AND JILL WENT OVER THE HILL. MAYBE THAT’S WHERE WE WILL FIND HIM DWARVES ONCE HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL. CHORUS (except Dwarves) I NEVER HEARD OF A HUMPTY DUMPTY. DWARVES THEN HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL. CHORUS (except Dwarves) WHAT’S HE DOING IN OUR STORY? WOMEN RING AROUND THE ROSY ASHES, ASHES. FULL OF POSY. ALL FALL DOWN. J ACK BROKE HIS CROWN. MEN ALL THE HORSES, ALL THE KINGS MEN TOGETHER AGAIN, BUT HOW DO WE GET WHERE WE’RE GOING? CINDERELLA, STEPMOM, SISTER ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A CARVING KNIFE. CHORUS 54 WHY DO WE KEEP ON WALKING? CINDERELLA, STEPMOM, SISTER THREE FRIGHTENED MICE AND A FARMERS WIFE. CHORUS IS THERE SOMETHING WE’RE NOT KNOWING? MEN BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP. HAVE YOU ANY, ANY IDEA OF WHERE WE SHOULD GO? WE SIMPLY DON’T KNOW. WOMEN OLD MOTHER HUBBARD’S CUPBOARD WAS BARE. THE DOG WOULDN’T SHARE. HOW DID SHE KNOW HOW TO GET THERE? RAPUNZEL ONCE UPON A TIME JACK WAS NIMBLE AND QUICK. CHORUS HE WAS HEADING FOR THE CASTLE. RAPUNZEL THERE WAS A CANDLE IN A CANDLESTICK. CHORUS HE HAD WOOL. THREE BAGS FULL. WOMEN ROCKABYE BABY IN THE TREE TOPS. WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS SEE HOW THEY RUN. THIS IS NO FUN MEN AND THE POOR POOR DOGGIE HAD NONE. BABY BUNTING’S DADDY IS GONE. ALL ALMOST GONE. GONE, GONE, GONE. WHERE IS IT? WOLF ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE. CHORUS I REMEMBER THAT I REMEMBER. GRANNY SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED THEN SOMETHING WAS LEFT. CHORUS DIDDLE, DIDDLE, DIDDLE, FETCH A PAIR OF RIDDLES. WARTED WITCH ONCE UPON A TIME. WHICH WITCH ONCE UPON A TIME. GRANNY ONCE UPON A... 55

(YOUNG LAD enters. His confident and spritely presence wakes them up from confusion.) YOUNG LAD Almost there. Almost there. I can see it. Right ahead of me. My Princess! My Kingdom! My happy heart rejoices! (As YOUNG LAD runs forward to the image of the Castle grows fainter and lights dim. OTHERS notice it, collectively gasp and stop. Voice of Gretel humming “GRETEL, POOR GRETEL”)

GRETEL (crying as she sings) GRETEL, POOR GRETEL, LOST AGAIN YOUNG LAD Gretel! I wonder who she is. She sounds so lost. (grabs his heart, in pain) Is that you, love? (YOUNG LAD Looks straight out into audience, squinting, holding hand over his brow to see better. Blackout.) SCENE 14: Young Lad returns to a disintegrating kingdom. Help from humans. (YOUNG LAD returns to Castle with his donkeys and bags of gold. The Castle has parts missing and no sign of servants or other activity. KING is oblivious of the obvious changes. His clothing is disintegrating or missing previous items, etc.) MEAN OLD KING You are not dead! YOUNG LAD I am very much alive, Sire. What has happened here? Where is the Princess? MEAN OLD KING (He looks around, but seems unmoved) I don’t know. YOUNG LAD Maybe I have the answers. Or some of the answers. I failed in one of my pursuits. MEAN OLD KING You failed to acquire the Three Golden Hairs? YOUNG LAD I have them! Here! (He holds them up, trying to keep them away from King until he’s ready to give them up) Glistening like pure spun gold. I was very fortunate. Sire, I must see the Princess now! Where is she? I have heard her voice, but... MEAN OLD KING (He snatches the hairs, stuffs them in his pocket like they mean nothing, then opens the bag on donkeys back, pulls out coins, spilling them and filling his pockets) Gold! You have acquired riches. Now I can, ummm,.... renovate the Castle and buy back the Queen and my daughter. YOUNG LAD Buy them back? They are all gone then? MEAN OLD KING Yes. And your riches are now mine because I am your King and I have nothing and I must have every- thing and you must serve me as my subject. 56 YOUNG LAD But what of my reward for completing the quest? MEAN OLD KING Reward? Reward? You are supposed to be dead. Now give me the gold. YOUNG LAD Oh, no! This was given to me for my personal quest. But I know where you can go for infinite riches. You must meet the Ferryman. He has more gold than you can imagine. But I, I have answers. (He stands up to the King) MEAN OLD KING Answers? Who cares about answers? Tell me how to find the Ferryman. YOUNG LAD (YOUNG Lad sketches out a map and hands it to him.) He is waiting for you. (KING exits, laughing with greedy anticipation. Lights continue to dim throughout scene to dim, as image of Castle fades, fainter to disappearing. YOUNG Lad hears GRETEL sing- ing faintly.) song: WHERE ARE YOU?

GRETEL AH LA LA LA. AH LA LA LA. AH LA LA LA. YOUNG LAD I must find you. Before it is too late. LITTLE BLUE (to GRETEL) WHERE ARE YOU? GRETEL WHERE ARE YOU? YOUNG LAD WHERE ARE YOU? (CROWD enters and begin moving to area where Castle should be) FRANK Little Blue? (softly, tentatively) WHERE ARE YOU? (peers into the distance) (LITTLE BLUE & GRETEL find each other in the house near front of stage. LITTLE BLUE points out into audience, GRETEL draws back for fear of what she might see. LITTLE BLUE puts her arms around her shoulders to reassure her friend.) GRETEL Are you sure it’s safe? LITTLE BLUE It feels so right to be here. YOUNG LAD Princess? Gr... Gretel? Are you out there? (YOUNG LAD and CROWD begin to converge, peering into “the distance” where the audience is.) 57

CHORUS (as lights get dimmer - more things and characters disappear- general murmer) What is happening? What is going on? SLEEPING BEAUTY’S PRINCE (draws and brandishes his sword, looking around for source of danger) Behold, a valiant Prince, come to protect my people Show yourself. HANSEL I can’t see. Ouch! (bump into each other) FROG PRINCE Ribet. Put that sword down. You’re going to hurt someone. Ribet. RAPUNZEL ONE PERFECT STORY MAY BE ALL WE NEED TO... RUMP Don’t you get it? It’s too late. There will never be a perfect story. (crying, disappears) GRANNY We’re not done yet. WOLF It’s all up to you now, Lad. YOUNG LAD WHERE ARE YOU? GRETEL (hearing his voice) WHERE ARE YOU? FRANK (appearing very dimly in the distance, to Little Blue) I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME. YOUNG LAD, A FEW OTHERS (unseen in the darkness) WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME. FRANK & YOUNG LAD I THINK I CAN FEEL YOU. MORE joining in IS ANYBODY LISTENING? ARE YOU THERE? DO YOU CARE? ALL DO YOU KNOW THAT I LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL WORLD. OH, I WISH YOU COULD SEE MY BEAUTIFUL WORLD. AND I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL WORLD! IT’S A PLACE WORTH FIGHTING AND PRAYING FOR. I’VE NEVER BEEN THIS SCARED BEFORE. CAN YOU HELP ME? IF WE DISAPPEAR WHO WILL REMEMBER US? IF YOU REMEMBER US WILL THAT KEEP US HERE? IF WE DISAPPEAR WILL YOU REMEMBER US? IF YOU REMEMBER US WILL THAT KEEP US HERE? (counterpoint) WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? 58 I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME. GRANNY & RAPUNZEL IF WE DISAPPEAR WILL YOU REMEMBER US? WE WHO LIVE IN YOUR LONG LONG AGO. RAPUNZEL ONCE UPON A TIME THIS WORLD WAS MINE. WOLF Young Lad, it’s now or never. We’re almost gone. (GRETEL and LITTLE BLUE are in the audience). YOUNG LAD (At lip of the stage) You’re both here! I think I remember. You’re the peasant girl who plays my Prin- cess. GRETEL (hanging her head, her dreams crushed) Yes. I’m the peasant girl. YOUNG LAD Gretel, right? (GRETEL nods, shy.) YOUNG LAD And you’re the one who wears the color of the new sky. Why are we here? LITTLE BLUE We have one last chance to save our world. Do you see them? Look. (pointing at audience) What do you see? YOUNG LAD What am I looking for? I see blackness. Nothing. It’s scary. LITTLE BLUE How does one overcome the fear of the darkness? YOUNG LAD One of the riddles! (remembering) Ummm... By being willing.... Gretel. It was your singing. That’s what brought me here. GRETEL (Prompting him, anxiously) By being willing.... YOUNG LAD There’s someone else there? GRANNY (From very far away) Goodbye, Young Lad. YOUNG LAD Who? LITTLE BLUE Out here. They want to help us. How does one overcome fear of the darkness? YOUNG LAD 59 By being willing... (Moves into audience - Music Hit) By being willing... (to audience) I can’t see you clearly, but I need to know: Are you there? Can you help us? (to single child) Will you touch my hand? By being willing to see what is there and what is not there. (LIGHTS come up full on audience as they touch. Anticipation music begins. Then YOUNG LAD looks at GRETEL, seeing her through eyes of love. ) (to child) Thank you. (to Gretel) What happens when the story ends? (indicates audience) A new one begins! FERRYMAN (Revealed onstage, in Mean King’s clothes) That is correct! SCENE 15: The Kingdom restored. (Ferryman gestures and music of ‘ALLELU’ swells. Castle restored, instantly ready for the wedding. Spot stays on YOUNG LAD and GRETEL, highlighting their felt connection. Veil and train be put on GRETEL as they move onstage for wedding, first approaching Ferryman.) FERRYMAN (Standing before Young Lad and Gretel) In the absence of our former King, who is somewhat detained, as I have appointed him Official Ferryman of the Kingdom. (image of Mean Old King ferrying) It is my honor to tell you both it is your wedding day! (Fanfare and Processional) YOUNG LAD (to Gretel) There is something about you that is more real than anyone or anything I’ve ever known. GRETEL We are cut from the same cloth. From the fabric of Forever. I will make my vow to you and to Grimm- land. (overcome by feeling, she cries out:) Oh! YOUNG LAD What is it? GRETEL My heart! It is soaring further than I can see, winging as high as birds can fly! (GOLDEN GOOSE flies over the audience, and returns to Grimmland. Images from more of Grimms Fairy Tales - restoring THE BOOK - may be seen filling out the pages through- out the rest of the show.) song: ALLELU

CHORUS (from offstage) ALLELU. ALLELU. ALLELU YOUNG LAD I JUST HEARD A WORD. GRETEL MORE LIKE A SONG IN JUST ONE WORD. YOUNG LAD & GRETEL HOW CAN IT BE I’VE NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE? 60 YOUNG LAD WHAT A SOUND. AS IF ANGELS WERE AMONG US. YOUNG LAD & GRETEL WHAT A GLAD AND JOYOUS CHORUS FROM ABOVE. MY HEART IS FULL OF LIGHT. MY EYES ARE FULL OF YOU. CHORUS, YOUNG LAD & GRETEL ALLELU. ALLELU. YOUNG LAD MORE BEAUTY IN THE WORLD. YOUNG LAD & GRETEL MORE ALLELU. FERRYMAN DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN? GRANNY DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN FOR YOUR QUEEN, AND PROMISE TO RULE OUR KINGDOM IN WISDOM AND LOVE? YOUNG LAD & GRETEL I THEE WED, NOT JUST FOR A HAPPY ENDING, BUT A BRIGHT AND NEW BEGINNING. YES! YES! YES! CHORUS WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SING. SING IT UNTIL IT’S TRUE. ALLELU. ALLELU. ALLELU. YOUNG LAD MORE BEAUTY IN THE WORLD. GRETEL MORE BEAUTY IN THE WORLD. YOUNG LAD & GRETEL MORE BEAUTY IN THE WORLD. MORE ALLELU. (A moment of reverent quiet and joyful weeping, then the cheers with comments such as:) FERRYMAN I pronounce you happy and wed. CHORUS Hurrah! Kiss the bride! Kiss! Kiss! FERRYMAN (Quiets the crowd. To Young Lad: ) Before I can pronounce you Husband and Wife before all of Grimm- land, I must ask you, do you know the answer to the third riddle? YOUNG LAD (He gulps, teasing them) What is the question again? FERRYMAN WHAT HAPPENS. . . YOUNG LAD 61

WHEN THE STORY IS OVER? (YOUNG LAD looks at GRETEL, then around at everyone else. He laughs, dialogue underscored:“I Remember Everything”) YOUNG LAD Another story begins! CROWD (Cheering) Another story begins! True! How true! That’s our Young Lad! We always knew he’d figure it out! (etc. Din of crowd dies down.) LITTLE BLUE Let’s keep some blue sky for the next story! Or, maybe add some purple. (Looking around at others) Well, you never know how things might change. I don’t think we can ever know everything for sure. You start out red, then one day just crave blue. Or orange! CINDERELLA’S STEPSISTER I never thought about how much courage it took for you to change. CINDERELLA’S STEPMOTHER Nor I! LITTLE BLUE Courage? Perhaps. Mainly I wanted to feel alive. To have fun being me. Maybe next time we can stir up a few surprises together. PUSS IN BOOTS (To Ferryman) Mrrr. I have a question. FERRYMAN Still meowing? PUSS IN BOOTS I rrrrather like it. FERRYMAN Your question, Puss? PUSS IN BOOTS Who will take Gretel's place in the story of “Hansel & Gretel”? SAUSAGE (transforms into little girl) I will! ONE How can a sausage change into a little girl? ALL It’s a fairy tale! FERRYMAN Which gives me the power to say: I pronounce you happy and wed! (YOUNG LAD & GRETEL kiss as fireworks erupt with fanfare. Prince is crowned. Projec- tions of characters and stories from THE BOOK are shown, verifying that all is restored to rightness. All dance as missing Dwarves reunite, Sleeping Beauty wakes up, Frog Prince 62 regains his appearance, King returns with Queen, etc.) song: CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND, REPRISE

ALL BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. EVERY HUNDRED YEARS WE MEET TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. BACK AGAIN! WE’RE BACK AGAIN TO CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND. IN THE STORIES. THAT’S WHERE WE LIVE. BOTH FAMILIAR AND UNEXPECTED. NO PLACE I’D RATHER BE THAN GRIMMLAND. RAPUNZEL IT’S SOMETIMES SCARY. GRETEL ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL. YOUNG LAD & GRETEL IT CAN BE STRANGE ALL BUT EACH ONE HAS A PART TO PLAY SO WE PLAY EVERY DAY FOREVER AND EVER. FOREVER AND EVER. FOREVER, CELEBRATE GRIMMLAND.

book and script by Mariénne Kreitlow ©2009 - 2011, BMI, LIVING SONG All rights reserved return all copies to: GREAT RIVER EDUCATIONAL ARTS THEATRE www.greattheatre.org St. Cloud, MN