A Kick in the Pants for Entrepreneurs an Interview with the Author and Businesswoman Sháá Wasmund

“Keep the Cat Free”

31/05/13 Issue 1549 felixonline.co.uk A kick in the pants for entrepreneurs An interview with the author and businesswoman Sháá Wasmund. Page 13 Summer Imperial alumnus killed in Syria Inside...>> Elections HIHS Nida Mahmud News Editor underway Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief COMMENT An Imperial alumnus has been killed in Syria after a bomb hit the fi eld hos- Voting to open pital where he was treating patients in challenging conditions. Isa Abdur from 3-10 June Rahman (pictured), 26, was a medical student at Imperial and was killed Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief while helping the British charity Hand In Hand for Syria (HIHS). Dr Rahman was from North West Nominations have closed for Imperial London and was married. He had put Students put last at College Union’s Summer Elections. his medical career in the UK on hold Voting will be open from Monday 3 to help the civilians hurt by the con- Harlington? 9 June to Friday 7 June. fl ict in Syria. Even though he was not >> h is year, the position of Deputy a native Arabic speaker, he managed President (Education) will be part of to master the language in less than a the election. h is is after the original year. Dr Isa Abdur Rah- winner of the post had to give it up He left his job at the Royal Free man was killed when TV due to an interruption of studies. h is Hospital almost a year ago and fl ew a bomb hit the fi eld will be a two horse race between Na- to Syria to set up a clinic in the village hospital that he was talie Kempson and Frank Machin. of Atmeh, near the border of Turkey, working at Other positions available are BME before moving from town to town of- Offi cer, Campaigns Offi cer, Council fering medical help. >> 3 Chair, Disabilities Offi cer, Ethics &

St Mary’s library gets revamp Voicing opinions on Elections Union £3 million renovation is completed about The Voice >>20 Imperial College London DPE 2 Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief

03/06/13 – 07/06/13 Dammit there’s ALWAYS PUZZLES h e medical library at St Mary’s has a queue for the printer been reopened following six months when you need it most Environmental Offi cer, Gender Equal- of renovation works on the building ity Offi cer, Interfaith Offi cer, Interna- and facilities. tional Offi cer, and LGBT Offi cer. It h e library is to be renamed the appears that the Council Chair, who Fleming Library (after Sir Alexander chairs the meetings of Union Council, Fleming). is hotly contested as four people have h e renovation, which was fi rst thrown their names into the hat. In- planned in 1999, cost a total of £3 mil- ternational Offi cer also has four con- lion. Half of this funding was from the tenders. h ree positions (BME, Ethics St Mary’s Development Trust. & Environmental, and LGBT Offi c- Felix contacted Emeritus Professor Two whole pages of ers) only have one person running for Averil Mansfi eld CBE who is Chair of 28 them. It is rare for RON to win elec- the St Mary’s Development Trust and time wasting >> tions, so these candidates will be >> 6 was involved in the work. She >> 6 2 FRIDAY 31 MAY EDITOR’S PICKS 24 28 31 TECH >> PUZZLES >> SPORT >> Xbox One Procrastinate away Riding to victory Nowadays it seems everything Big shout out to the Puzzles team Polo fi nally have their write-up must be able to do everything. for two whole pages of Puzzley from the Nationals. They had The question for Microsoft is: goodness. Special mention for mixed fortunes it seems. Also, a you could make a toaster in a Lousia, who came in the day be- great report by the Fellwander- fridge, but would you want one? fore an exam to do the pages! ers on their hiking exploits.

CLASSIFIEDS The Good, The Bad Tutor wanted Help with Homework for Year 2 and 3 girls - £10/hour and The Elections I am looking for a female student who can help with homework after school around 3 days a week starting from 11th June until 18th July approximately. We live in Tim Arbabzadah Ifi eld Road by the Earls Court Tube. Female applicants Editor-in-Chief only. If interested, email Lucia: [email protected] his week, as always, there to pay council tax), and they should be the few seconds it takes to vote and is a mixture of good news pleased that it’s looking pretty plush. make a difference. All the positions Temps wanted and bad news. I will start Imperial teams also seem to be dom- matter in their own way. As with all with the bad news. The inating the Engineers Without Borders part time positions they can be made Temp Renewable Energy installers required for east tragic death of an Impe- Challenge. I’m glad that they had the bigger or smaller by the person fi lling Trial alumnus is not the most pleasant opportunity to take such a course, it. This is to say that if someone truly london project 10th June. Must be fi t & strong, practical, quick learning & a team player. thing to be reporting. It reminds me and hopefully more students will get proactive is in the role they could re- of another incident earlier this year, to benefi t from these extra courses ally change some things for the better. See www.sogosolar.co.uk& call Ben on 07804 614833. which was similarly upsetting to put next year. Take the opportunity to do The fact that all Union positions aren’t into the paper. The fact that so much something beyond your subject next elected in one burst does make peo- To place something in Classifi eds, email [email protected] money has been raised in his mem- year if you haven’t already. Trust me, ple a bit bored with the whole proce- ory in such a short time, and that he you’ll really regret it if you don’t. When dure. It’s tough on everyone involved, seems to have had so many friends you’re in a job, your life becomes more because the previous round of voting at Imperial, shows that his character rigid, and learning about new things happened before Easter when people must have been strong. It is particu- becomes restricted to documentaries weren’t as busy, stressed, tired of Im- LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: A perk of the job larly upsetting that he died so young, by the latest dough-eyed scientist. perial, tired of work, or all of the above. and left behind a wife. I hope that This actually extends to taking part This means the Summer Elections his friends and family can take some in clubs and societies at the Union always have a vastly reduced turnout comfort in the fact that he seems to as well. Hobbies take time, effort and compared to their counterparts before have inspired a lot of people into be- money, and, here, you have an oppor- Easter. ing very generous: to raise that much tunity to do something fun while not There is actually a big position up for money in barely any time at all is al- losing too much of all three. grabs: Deputy President (Education). most unbelievable. Hopefully, the fi eld This is the person that is in charge of hospital will help people and so it will Elections again your educational needs. Need to com- be for a good cause. The Summer Elections have loomed plain about a lecturer’s terrible notes? up once again. It’s that super stress- They are your fi rst port of call. They Some good news ful work season, so the last thing you also head up the Rep system, which There is some good news to talk about. probably want is for someone to start is all of the Dep Reps and Year Reps Firstly, there is the Fleming Library re- waving their arms in your face telling who sit on the Student Staff Commit- opening after donations. There are you they’ll instantly transform your tees. You only have one week to vote, always a few students that feel the life into blissful relaxation if you click a so make an informed decision and go need to essentially move into a library button. Firstly, try to be gentle to any- for it. If you don’t like any of the candi- around this time (if they weren’t stu- one distracting you to give you sweets dates, click RON or abstain. Good luck dents they would probably even have and a voting link. Secondly, spend to all of the candidates running!

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Saskia Verhagen Assistant Editor Matt Colvin News Editors Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud Features Editors Caroline Wood, Stephen Smith Business Editor Deepka Rana Science Editors Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett Politics Editors Padraic Calpin, Marie-Laure Hicks Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti Comment Editors George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang Arts Editors Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Music Editors Riaz Agahi, Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter Television Editor Lucia Podhorska Film Editors Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles Games Editor Ross Webster Technology Editors Jason Parmar, Maximilian Eggl Coffee Break Matt Colvin Travel Editor Veronika McQuade Sports Editors Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky Online Editors Philip Kent, Jonathan Kim Puzzles Commanders Louisa Byrne, Sotirios Karamitsos Copy Chief Annina Sartor Web Uploading James Simpson Illustrators Hamish Muir, Outi Supponen FRIDAY 31 MAY 3

News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected] NEWS

Over £50,000 donated for hospital in his honour Evening Standard continued from the front page Muslims; some appeared to >> be from people that did not know him personally and/ What religion truly Doctors in Syria work in extreme or are not Muslim. Anthony conditions with a shortage of re- Page said: “A brave man… means sources and the daily danger of being Respect… from an atheist.” attacked. He died after a shell hit the At the time of going to print Isa’s name translates to “Jesus” in English; hospital that he was working with, there have been over 900 Jesus is an important prophet for Muslims, which was a secret clinic in the Idlib donations. one who strived for the betterment of man- province. His body was buried last Dr Mahmoud al Akraa, a kind. Isa tried to emulate the qualities of the week in Atmeh. Two other civilians close friend of Dr Isa, com- prophet by devoting his youth, health, rich- also died and two were wounded. h e mented that “once you met ness, time and, ultimately, life, for the sake of attack has been blamed on govern- The Royal Free Isa you never forgot him. He God through humanitarianism. This beauti- ment forces by HIHS. Hospital, where was so kind, so warm and so ful example is particularly relevant in light Last Friday, over 200 people gath- Isa worked brave. He had the respect of of the tragedy that occurred in Woolwich ered in Kilburn with Isa’s family for before flying to everyone and would do any- earlier this month, showing how religion can a condolences session. h ere were Syria thing to help others in need. be and is a motivation towards beneficence. Imperial students from fi ve diff erent One time one of the refugee Isa left Britain to use his medical skills to save year groups who attended to pay their camps in Syria had chol- lives, and both his death and the death of respects, as well as teachers from his was established at the start of the Syr- era and no doctor would Drummer Lee Rigby have brought sadness school and consultants from his hos- ian uprising in 2011. Over the last two go in, except Isa. He would to a great many people. The Quranic verse pitals. years, over 80,000 innocent lives have risk his life for others. He related by Deputy PM Nick Clegg last week Faddy Sahloul, Chairman of Hand been lost in the Syrian crisis. HIHS “Everyone who worked up until midnight at a conference with Muslim leaders thus in Hand Syria (HIHS) described Dr aims to provide medical and humani- and would treat hundreds of feels particularly relevant: “If anyone kills a Isa as “a shy young man whom I fi rst tarian help to civilians who have been knew him is patients each day. He would human being, it shall be as though he killed met two years ago.” He went on to say: impacted by the confl ict in Syria. then sleep rough in a sleep- all mankind. Whereas if anyone saves a life, “Everyone who knew him is shocked h ey have set up secret facilities in ing bag and often not wash it shall be as though he saved the whole of and saddened to hear the tragic news locations where it is too dangerous shocked and for days.” mankind.” My thoughts and prayers are of his death, but we can draw com- for casualties to use the government with the families of both, and it is my hope fort from the fact that he died doing hospitals or where the hospitals have ere is more information we will see unity through their loss. work that he loved. Our thoughts and been shut down. saddened” on the fi eld hospital being prayers are with his wife and family at Isa was a dear friend to many stu- set up in his honour on the this diffi cult time.” dents at Imperial, and was heavily in- JustGiving page, where do- Nida Mahmud News Editor HIHS said: “h e brave young doc- volved with the Islamic Society (ISoc) ed in the community but he was so nations can be made: http:// tor sacrifi ced his life to save the lives during his time at university. His oth- modest and humble that you would www.justgiving.com/for-Isa of others and he will be very sorely er philanthropic endeavours include never have realised his incredible missed by the many family, friends heading the Imperial Charity Week achievements until someone told you. and colleagues who knew him.” HIHS team in 2008, a project that enabled He was and will continue to remain a is a non–political organisation that Imperial students to raise £22,839.25 great role model.” Sponsored Editorial for orphans and needy children His friends set up a JustGiving page around the world. In addition, Isa ac- for people to donate money for a new The brave tively organised tutorials and PotMed “fi eld hospital to be set up in his mem- events for the Muslim Medics society, ory to continue his work. h e original More student cuts as well as off ering advice and guid- plan was for a new ambulance in his young doc- ance to younger students. He was also memory. However, the £7000 needed a member of the Snooker and Book was raised in fewer than 14 hours. His Discount haircuts for Imperial tor sacrifi ced clubs at Imperial. friends said that the speed with which Isa was described as a dedicated vol- the money was raised was “a testa- students at Fresh Hairdressers unteer who strived for good and pro- ment to the” character of Isa and the his life to save foundly touched the hearts of many beauty of the people who know him”. people with his endeavours, and as a h e aim was changed to the more near South Kensington true inspiration to everyone – many ambitious target of setting up a fi eld the lives of will deeply miss him. On behalf of hospital, which would be named af- Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) discount and bring your student ID the ISoc at Imperial, the President, ter Isa. In the last week, over £50,000 Women’s cut and rough dry £28 we look forward to seeing you. Hazem El-Turk, commented: “Isa was has been raised, which means a fi eld Women’s cut and salon fi nish We use only the best products, others and he undoubtedly one of the most excep- hospital in Syria can be set up after blow-dry £38 (normally £55) Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal, and tional individuals to pass through Isa and will be run by HIHS in his KMS and offer free coffee and will be very our Society. His contribution to uni- memory. FRESH Hairdressers has been herbal teas. versity life, as well as his passion and On the Just Giving page, his friends offering high quality, fashionable To book an appointment call 0207 commitment to issues beyond that paid tribute to him. h ey said: “h ose haircuts for over 20 years. All of 823 8968. sorely missed are things that we remember him for who knew him personally, and those our haircuts are by highly experi- Tuesday to Saturdays 9.30 to 5.30 today. Our thoughts are with his fam- who have heard of him, will know enced stylists, NOT trainees. We are only 70 metres from South ily in this diffi cult time, and we hope what an amazing, inspirational, kind Kensington tube station. “by the many TO GET A GREAT HAIRCUT www.freshhairdressers.co.uk that his selfl ess actions will inspire and deeply-caring person he was. It others to engage more in humanitar- is quite hard to know where to even 1) You don’t have to spend a lot of family, friends ian issues worldwide”. Muslim Medics begin describing what an amazing money at expensive trendy salons and the ISoc will be having a tribute person he was, and all of us are still 2) You don’t have to spend hours to Isa later on in the year. in shock.” as a Guinea pig at a training school and col- Aamir Shamsi, a 5th year medic h e donations, which came in thick 3) You don’t have to be butchered at Imperial said that Isa was “a great and fast, came with comments paying at some cheap Barbers man and an elder brother to me.” tribute to him. Anne Hinojosa said: 4) You don’t have to wait till you go leagues who Aamir went on to say: “Isa’s patience “I am so sorry to hear of the death of back home and wisdom was beyond doubt even this brave young man. What a beauti- knew him. at such a young age. He had a tower- ful, inspirational human being.” Not Come to FRESH, ask for a student ” ing presence and was highly respect- all of the donations were from fellow 4 FRIDAY 31 MAY

News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud NEWS [email protected] Imperial College London students to dominate Engineers Without Borders Finals

Eoghan J Totten Reporter nelled the eff orts of the students, li- have served as remarkable ambassa- aising with the teams to construct a dors for Imperial College London and portfolio recording the design process. highlight the potential of the intellec- The Teams h ree teams of prospective year two Raunaq Bagchi, one of the students tual arsenal imparted to students while students dominated a 2,500 strong that competed, said: “h e Engineers studying at the university. national fi eld from thirteen Universi- Without Borders Challenge has been Imperial Horizons extended an in- Team 1 Team 2 Team 3 ties to secure a place in the Engineer- a great exercise from the start. h e vitation to anyone interested in next Marcus Bishop Raunaq Bagchi Ashira Bindels ing Without Borders Challenge Finals process of coming up with ideas and year’s Engineering Without Borders Shiladitya Ghosh James Metcalfe Bethan Doyle taking place at Coventry University running through all the possibilities competition – it is required that they Aswhin Bhanot Ahmad (Luq) Mohamed Jimmy Lin next month. h e teams, consisting to try and design the best solution enrol for the ‘Global Challenges: Engi- Monal Patel Ali Duncan Lomax of individuals from multidisciplinary for people in other parts of world, is neers Without Borders Challenge’ on Iacopo Russo backgrounds (outside of Engineer- a great way to open one’s eyes to the the website enrolment page. Applica- ing) endeavoured to solve complex troubles many face. Now entering the tions close on June 6th. problems aff ecting the impoverished fi nal stages of the competition, I would community of An Minh, Vietnam. All say it’s a bonus and an opportunity to >>Comment: page 8 Read this and more online at felixonline.co.uk work was co-ordinated in context of see how our designs appeal to experts the ‘Global Challenges’ fi eld of Impe- in the fi eld.” rial Horizons. h eir success manifests h e fruits of their labour were pre- the core skill bases championed by sented to judges at the national com- Imperial Horizons tutors; many hope petition and as mentioned above three that it will mark the inception of more of the four teams will proceed to the future success related to the ancillary Finals. h e dominant team from each courses. university is entitled to a place with h e project took place over an eight seven additional places awarded based week time frame. h e students were on merit. As cited by one Imperial Ho- essentially left to their own devices, be- rizons member of staff , ing required to assimilate a system for “It is…an outstanding achievement solving a problem aff ecting An Minh, that in our fi rst year of running the Vietnam. h e students proved that Challenge we have managed to take they were commensurate to the task two of those additional seven places.” by hypothesising their own question As well as the competition the stu- and then creatively solving it. While dents will be off ered opportunities to the project required a signifi cant com- participate in ‘innovative’ workshops ponent of Engineering the organisers that seek to convey living conditions in stress those team players from non- An Minh and how the local commu- Engineering disciplines were invalu- nity will benefi t from the endeavours able, contributing to the cohesion that of the students. delivered success in competition. Two Congratulations are in order for the PhD students mentored and chan- following individuals (see box), who

Summer Finance Job

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News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected] NEWS Extra Sabbatical remits discussed

Nida Mahmud News Editor other student Unions was undertaken. Comparisons were made with institu- Proposed additions tions that are a similar size to Imperial, Union Council has discussed giving ex- as well as those who scored well in the to remits tra remits and remaing the Sabbatical NSS survey question where students The Union President positions in the Union (except for Fe- are require to rank their students’ un- with its “come Accommodation lix Editor and Medics President). Over ion. to bed” eyes the last ten years, the Union roles and h e paper states that the Sabbaticals Deputy President (Clubs & remits for the President and four dep- believe the Union does not do enough Societies) uty Presidents have been kept relatively to: support postgraduate students, Non-SK Campuses constant. support volunteering, support inter- Volunteering h e paper was brought to Union national students, support students Council by the current Sabbatical Team. based on campuses other than South Deputy President (Education) It explains that during the last ten years, Kensington, enable internationalisation Internationalisation the Union has developed to be a diff er- amongst the student, eff ect liberation ent organisation to what it used to be: of minorities, develop student’s career Deputy President (Finance & it is a registered charity that employs opportunities and campaign for fairer Services) 45 members of full time staff and has a living costs in London. h e last of these turnover of £5.5 million. External fac- they say was under the spotlight “par- points. h e fi rst is adding in the remits h e paper is clear to mention that the Student Development and Skills tors have also changed signifi cantly, for ticularly this year, with #AgainstActon state above into the Sabbatical roles. Sabbaticals are “not proposing remov- Development example the change in tuition fees and the North Acton development”. h e second is renaming the role of the ing any remits from any of the roles. We Postgraduate Social h e current Sabbaticals are proposing h e paper also says that the Sabbati- DPFS to Deputy President (Community are happy (and believe) that sabbaticals Volunteering Accreditation changes to the exact role descriptions cals are keen to add in careers, student & Development), where the remit of the in this organisation should always retain for the role of the Sabbatical; they also development, an aspect of post gradu- DPFS will remain but with the afore- certain powers and ability to do things, Deputy President (Welfare) believe this is something that should be ate support and volunteering to the mentioned additions. h e reason given even if they’re not what they (going for- Liberation reviewed every 4 or 5 years according to current role of the Deputy President is that “this would more aptly describe ward) are required to do day to day.” International students the needs of current students. (Finance & Services, DPFS). what the DPFS role does on a day-to- At the moment, it is merely a discus- Accommodation A comparison of the Union with h is proposal has two discussion day basis” sion and not an action.

IMPERIAL HORIZONS 2013/14

On-line enrolment for current 1st year undergraduates entering their 2nd year in October 2013 is now open.

Make sure you enrol by 2.00pm Thursday 6th June 201

Find out more: www.imperial.ac.uk/horizons 6 FRIDAY 31 MAY

News Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud NEWS [email protected]

Deputy Historic library reopens President (Education) to be elected in Summer Elections >> continued from the front page

Before (left) and after (right) the refurbishment, it’s like changing rooms

continued from the front page both on the ground fl oor and in the special mention for her foresight and Cooper who designed many other >> transformed gallery with modern fa- her perseverance.” buildings including the NatWest said: “h e Library on the St Mary’s cilities, superb lighting and comfort- Staff , students, doctors, medical building on 1 Princes Street – was site has always been a favourite with able furniture. h ere is an elegant professionals and the funders cel- originally opened in 1933. h e build- students despite its somewhat tired staircase which allows easy access to ebrated the reopening of the Fleming ing was used for student activities Screenshot, look. Many former students will re- the gallery. I hope it will be used and Library earlier this month. up until 1982. It also played host to showing the member it both as a place for study enjoyed by many present and future h e refurbishment appears to be a Gilbert & Sullivan productions over manifestos and to attend some wonderful social students and I also hope that alumni greatly needed boost to the library, Christmas, one of which was attended before the events. h anks to a major refurbish- will make a point of coming to see which was last redone in 1982. h e by Her Majesty h e Queen and Prin- election had ment funded by h e St Marys Devel- the transformation which has sensi- upgrades include a redecoration, new cess Margaret in 1945. started opment Trust and by Imperial Col- tively retained all the oak and other staircases, improved heating, lighting, So, next year’s stressful all nighters lege it is now a joy to behold and is features while becoming thoroughly Wifi , more computers, a study space will be in a more modern setting. fi t for the 21st Century. It certainly modern. Deborah Shorley who was and a training room. invites study and there is provision the Librarian in Imperial deserves a h e library – designed by Sir Edwin Read online at felixonline.co.uk

under less pressure than the others. h e Graduate Students’ Union (GSU, formerly GSA) will be electing their committee for next year. Last year, many of these positions had to be 0UWHY[ULYZOPW^P[O re-run as nobody put themselves forward for the positions. h is seems to graduate events be also happening this year, as multiple positions are uncontested. 8 out of the 14 positions available will have to be re-run as nobody is going for them. h ere is also the problem with one person going for two positions that cannot be simultaneously held. There was a problem with the web- JUDGXDWHMREVDQGRSSRUWXQLWLHV,ET`ScTALK site for the elections. This year, the candidates submitted manifestos for the website by writing them in a text box on the website. They could therefore 6800(5*5$'8$7()$,5 write a draft in this box, save their pro- gress, and adjust the manifesto until the 2O\PSLD/RQGRQ-XQHDPSP deadline. When the deadline had past, the manifesto would be locked from editing and the last version would be up 62)*5$'8$7(&$5((56$1'3/$&(0(176 on the voting website. During this election, there was an error, and students ,1'8675<6(0,1$562))(5,1*,16,'(75$&.7,36 and, more importantly candidates, were able to see the manifestos that other candidates had submitted (pictured). &9$1'(03/2<$%,/,7<$'9,&()520(;3(576 This means that candidates could have changed their manifestos based on oth- ,17(59,(:7(&+1,48(6=21($1'/,9(-2%6%2$5' ers that were submitted. The problem was swiftly rectiﬁ ed after the Union Come along to the 6800(5*5$'8$7()$,5 and talk to prestigious employers, blue-chip recruiters, were informed of the issue. postgrad funders, top industry speakers, employment advisers This year, the position of RAG Chair ANDcALLcFORcFREEc will not be in the Summer Elections. This was instead elected at the RAG 5(*,67(5)25<285)5((3/$&($7 AGM. Fewer than 50 people attended ZZZVXPPHUJUDGIDLUFRXN this and the new RAG Chair will be The Summer Graduate Fair is brought to you by Graduate Events Callum Kirk, who was this year’s RAG in partnership with Milkround, the UK’s most widely used graduate recruitment site. Secretary. www.prospects.co.uk The manifestos for the candidates and voting will be online at https://www.union.ic.ac.uk/elections/ An afternoon of inspiring, thought-provoking and entertaining talks EXPLORING HOW ART AND SCIENCE FIT TOGETHER IN THE MODERN WORLD

23 September 2013 Book now royalalberthall.com

Find out more at TEDxAlbertopolis.com %R[RIĆFH 0845 401 5034

/TEDxAlbertopolis @TEDxAlbrtopolis #TEDxAlb 8 FRIDAY 31 MAY

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson COMMENT [email protected] Engineering a good course Iacopo Russo discusses the beneﬁ ts of taking part in the Engineers Without Borders Challenge where he solved a real life problem

hen I found out that my team had made it to the fi nals of the Engineers With- Wout Borders (EWB) Challenge I was of course really pleased to know that all of our eff ort was actually worth it. I feel really satisfi ed because I think that if they chose us out of the 50 teams in the UK and Ireland, this means the de- Iacopo Russo sign portfolio and oral presentation we produced were valuable and we actually managed to apply our (engineering) skills to a real problem successfully. I think there were mainly two good things about the Horizons course I took and the EWB Challenge in general: fi rst, you get your hands on a real engineering problem and with the help of the data provided by EWB you have to come up with a solution that makes events. During the eight weeks of the design portfolio and the oral presen- guess this is the reason why the whole sense and takes into account all the course, we learnt how to assess our tation to the competition because, as programme is called “Horizons Global variables of the real world; second, you strengths and weaknesses (in terms I said, the “marking scheme” was the Challenges”: it forces us to widen our get to think about the problems the of knowledge, skills, interests), how to same. perspective to include multiple points world has from the perspective of the better defi ne the question and how to I would recommend this course to of view, because only in this way we you get your less fortunate, of the world’s poorest, choose the best solution among a few next year’s fi rst year students, as it can understand each other even if we who don’t even have safe houses or ac- that we had come up with. h e fact gives you an insight into what they are from diff erent parts of the globe cess to clean water, so you widen your that we are now in the fi nals shows call the global dimension: it helps put- and work together to solve those hands on a point of view quite a lot and realise you that we probably managed to do this ting your course and the things you problems that can be solved only by a can actually do something to change pretty well! study in the right perspective, thinking communal eff ort (see Climate Change, real engineer- the situation. h e course was very well designed about what the real problems that the Global Poverty). h is year, the challenge was to de- (especially if you consider it was the world faces today are and what we can So yeah, the fi nals are now a very sign an engineering solution for one fi rst time it had been run), and I think do about it. I also very much liked the good opportunity for us to fi nd out ing problem of the many problems aff ecting a com- Elizabeth [the member of staff at Im- fact that the cultural and social side how other teams from the UK have munity in rural district of Vietnam, in perial Horizons] did a very good job of the issue was highly stressed: we approached the issue and maybe learn the Mekong Delta. My team decided to in matching the assessment criteria learnt that for a design solution to be something new about how we could and... have to focus on the “Housing and Infrastruc- for the Horizons course to those for accepted, it must be consistent with improve the way we have approached ture” design area: our objective was to the national competition. h is course the cultural and social characteristics it. It will also be a good opportunity for come up with improve the design of the houses and was actually special, in that it was both of the community you are implement- us to confi rm that coming from a good buildings this rural district so that they organised by Imperial (and so the fi nal ing it in. When you are dealing with engineering university means that we could provide a safe sheler for the fam- mark we got will go on our transcript, communities whose culture is very dif- can actually be quite good at solving a solution ilies against the threat of rising sea wa- I think) and by EWB. We didn’t have ferent from the Western, this require- engineering problems (in fact, we have ter levels, pests and extreme weather to do more work when submitting the ment becomes especially stringent. I three teams in the fi nals...)

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All you need to do is email Email: [email protected] us with your article. It can ” be on anything, from group Twitter Follow us @FelixComment theory to why stubbing your toe is really annoying Facebook Like us facebook.com/FelixComment FRIDAY 31 MAY 9

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] COMMENT

felixonline.co.uk/contact Letters By selling use of the sports grounds to the highest bidder, College is forgetting the families of the WWI dead who paid for them

I have to say that it is my view that ing presence of commercial infl uence at cilities. What is going on? Have you all this communication should be going the Sports ground during these events, gone completely insane? You are a uni- to the Rector of the College and in my but this year was frankly unbelievable. versity - you are meant to educate the day as a student we would have had On arriving at the gate to the ground young men and women of this country the right to take a letter straight to his an offi cious man in a security uniform and in the process, make Britain great. door. However of course in my day I met me and told my family and me You are not meant to be selling out to could have raised this matter to the that we had to park our cars in a space the highest bidder and squeezing stu- rector either in my weekly meetings a great distance from the pitch next to dents into a corner by a set of bins. with him, by picking up the telephone a set of bins. I was told that I could not Students are the entire raison d’etre of or by raising it at the Governing Body park where I had parked every year for the college and aside from matters of or Finance and Executive committees. the last 30 years over-viewing the pitch security there should be no place that However it seems that in today’s world - so that in the event of rain my fam- they should not be allowed to go. even the alumni have to take a back ily could retire to the car and still be h is is particularly the case with seat in regard to communications with able to see their old dad give the young Harlington and the Boat House in college offi cials and hence I am forced lads of the uni an education in the Putney. It seems the College has con- to write to you. art of hockey, because that space was veniently forgotten where these facili- You will probably have grasped that reserved for “the fi rst team”. Indeed ties came from and who paid the price this is not a letter of commendation there was a barrier across more than for them. Just to remind you - if you to the college but a letter of complaint half of the car park which was manned read the governing body minutes dat- and I would like a formal response and by another offi cious man in a security ing back to the period just after World explanation. hut and beyond this barrier was a set War I - as I have done - and trace the Two weeks back I attended my regu- of ostentatious cars belonging, as it history forward to today you will learn lar alumni event at the college by par- turned out, to players from some half- that Harlington and the Boat House in ticipating in the president’s match day baked football club, none of which have Putney were bought with the proceeds celebration where alumni and students probably got a set of A’ levels let along of sale of the War Memorial Ground in meet and come face to face across the been enrolled on a course at our treas- Wembly North London. h at in turn students. It now seems that his ruling lar student sporting activities. Please playing fi elds at Harlington and battle ured college in central London. I asked the War Memorial Ground was bought has been completely disregarded by note that I will not be swayed by any out for supremacy. I have been par- Mick Reynolds, the out going grounds- with funds raised by a trust estab- current college administration and not use of this money that in my view is ticipating in this particular event since man - whose fi rst year in charge was lished to commemorate the fallen in only do I and my children have to be being used to reduce the grant that 1984 when as a fresher I was selected the same year that I entered as a fresh- WWI a trust called the War Memorial marginalized by someone who does not central college has been obliged to pay as the university centre half and had er at college - what was going on and Fund. h ese grounds were bought with even work for the college on the one day to support student sport and other rec- the privilege of playing against some he expressed dismay, explaining that the blood of fallen students in World that I wish to show off the wonders of reational activities since the establish- ex-students who promptly taught me a alumni and students were not allowed War I and through the charitable giv- my student heritage to my family but it ment of the college back at the turn of thing or two about hockey. in the vast majority of the clubhouse ing of other students and their families appears that the students have to play the last century. I expect to be able to What I and others learned about because the college had let it out to this at that time who all expected the mon- second fi ddle the entire year around. see some demonstrable improvement team work, fair play, strategy and football club! What was more my 10 ey they were giving to go for the good I would like to understand for the in benefi ts to the students that has determination on the playing fi elds year old son was thrown off one of the of students. To instead put students sake of the fallen students from World arisen out of the letting of these facili- at Harlington during our time at football pitches where he had wanted at the bottom of the line of priority is War I and their memory, exactly how ties which might make it worthwhile IC should not be under-estimated. to kick his football in one of the very a gross breach of trust and makes me much money is being made from the my family being stuck by a set of bins Frankly I believe that it was far more many unused goals because suppos- feel sick in my stomach. When I was letting of these student facilities to out- and us all (students, alumni and their important training for my time in in- edly it belonged to the reserve squad. president of the ICU in 1987 the then side bodies and how the college justi- families) being treated like third class dustry than what was given to me in Let me get something straight here - Chairman of the Governing Body a fi ed the detriment suff ered by the stu- citizens. the lecture theatres and labs at the I was appalled to see that my college High Court Judge recognised the im- dent body as worth the benefi t of the South Kensington site - 99% of which I had sold out to profi t, and that today portance of the heritage of these sport- money raise, and I would further like Ian Howgate would never use again. alumni and students came last in the ing assets and forced the college to re- to see how this money is being spent to Imperial College Union President Over recent years I had noticed a ris- order of priority for use of college fa- turn them to trust for the good of the the benefi t of students and in particu- 1987-88 10 FRIDAY 31 MAY

Science Editors: Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett SCIENCE [email protected] A little bit of TLC How best can we care for an ageing population? Sophie Shina looks at telecare

ne third of babies born in 2008, were strikingly positive. h ey duced the 3millionlives initiative in in 2012 are expected to revealed not only reduced costs, but 2012, which aims to extend telecare to celebrate their 100th also improved patient outcomes with 3 million more people over 5 years. birthday, according to a 45% reduction in mortality rates. At However, the evidence about the ef- government statistics. the moment there are at least 1 million fectiveness and effi ciency of telecare is OWhilst ageing populations are a vic- telecare users in England, predomi- controversial. Many academics have tory of development, health and social nantly women over 70 who are living criticised the early evaluation of the care systems are struggling to cope Whole System Demonstrator Pro- with the burden of long-term care. As gramme and the subsequent haste to a result, the need for healthcare inno- make policy based on what they per- vation has intensifi ed — is large-scale Telecare ‘is ceive as little evidence. Indeed, the telecare implementation the answer latest analyses of the programme re- we are looking for? leased earlier this year found no sig- Depicted by one patient as like hav- like having nifi cant positive impacts for patients ing a “little nurse sitting on [his] shoul- or on the use of other health and social der,” telecare is an innovative eHealth a little nurse care services. In addition, there have service which aims to help patients Before (left) and after (right) telecare. We’re not kidding. been several unfi nished pilots over the who are either frail and elderly, or last few years as a result of the organi- who have a long term condition, to sitting on my sational and operational complexity of live more independent lives. It uses a telecare implementation. combination of sensors, alarms and control bathroom and hallway lights, ducing disruption associated with So is the scale up of telecare an am- other equipment to monitor changes thereby reducing the likelihood of routine check-ups and unplanned shoulder’ bitious gamble by a government with in a patient’s health. h e most com- falls. hospital admissions. Headline fi ndings scarce resources? Or is it a key pillar mon forms include personal alarms, Telecare can signifi cantly increase from the Whole System Demonstrator “ for eff ective and effi cient care deliv- whereby pressing a button on a pen- the quality of life for people with a Programme, the largest randomised alone. Based on the headline fi ndings ery to ageing populations? Without dant alerts a local control centre, and high dependency on health services control trial of telecare to date of the Whole System Demonstrator a credible evidence base, we can only motion sensors which automatically through facilitating self-care and re- launched by the Department of Health Programme the government intro- speculate.

”SCIENCE BITES Primes, primes everywhere! Why does cut grass smell? Andy Roast Science Writer h is means that the chance that any with very close neighbours are still in- given number is prime decreases as fi nitely many. A weird result, since this It may smell great, but did you know the size of the number increases. h e means that prime tuples are as numer- it’s actually a plant’s distress call? Mathematicians from the US, Hunga- research indicates that even with a ous as the set of positive integers. You’re chopping it to smithereens, what did you ry and Turkey just might be one step decreasing probability of fi nding two expect it to do? closer towards the impossible. One of primes close to one-and-other, primes DOI: 10.4007/annals.2009.170.819 Causing tissue damage to grass by cutting it caus- the greatest problems in number theo- es it to release volatile organic compounds, collectively known as green leaf vola- ry is determining whether the number tiles (GLVs). One effect of GLV release is to attract predatory insects to defend the of prime tuples, prime numbers which plant, though how effective they’d be against a lawnmower is another question. lie very close to each other, is infi nite. Unfortunately for grass the resulting released GLVs also create the pleasant In short, “are there an infi nite number odour associated with a freshly-mown lawn. And so the carnage continues... of prime tuples which lie next to each other?” h e authors present a mathemati- cal technique which shows that there The proof’s in: writingImprovement for Science are an infi nite number of prime tuples within 16 or less from each other. WILL boost your grades! (Not guaranteed) While this does not fully solve the in long-term long-standing problem, the research published in Annals of Mathematics at Get in touch, be put on our cognitivemailing list, and we’ll least off ers a “partial solution”. send you weekly bursts of exciting science stories, Prime numbers are divisible only by themselves and 1. For example, 2, ready for you to write up andability get printed in Felix. 3 and 5 are all prime since they can only be divided by themselves and 1. Whereas 4 is not, since it can be di- [email protected] vided by itself, 1 and 2. h is makes it seem that there are less primes than there are positive integers; however, mathematics can tell us that there are as many prime numbers as there are positive integers. However, as the size of the number increases, the distance between ad- jacent prime numbers also increases. A stained glass window of primes. Pretty if nothing else...

Want to write for ? YES NO

How about How about copy writing News? editing etc?

NAH, YES SOUNDS NO WHAT IS THAT? SHIT

WOOP!Email: YES How about writing Fair enough. Keep It’s basically where [email protected] Hangman? on reading then you proof read to check for peoplse mistaeks NO HMMM. I KNOW SOUNDS FUN WHICH ONE NO Okay. What section?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Great! Email: Well. There’s: Features, [email protected] Business, Science,Politics, Food, ONE OF THEM Comment, Fashion, Arts, Books, Music, Television, Film, Games, NO Technology, Coffee Break, Hangman (again), Travel, Sports, Puzzles

NONE OF THEM...

FINE. I WILL NO Make a new one?

COME ON. WE’RE DYING OVER HERE. HELP US OUT!

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@feliximperial FRIDAY 31 MAY 13

Business Editor: Deepka Rana [email protected] BUSINESS Stop talking, start interviewing Ananya Das interviews Sháá Wasmund, the author of Stop Talking, Start Doing: A Kick in the Pants in Six Parts

Ananya Das: You have a fantastic entrepreneurial career, have there been moments when you needed ‘A Kick in the Pants’ similar to in Stop Talking, Start Doing? If so, who or what did you turn to for a bit of en- couragement or motivation? Sháá Wasmund: Being constantly motivated to work hard is one of the main reasons I’ve managed to act on my ideas and launch so many businesses. I managed to keep myself motivated by surrounding myself with inspirational and successful people. Ex Minister for Trade and Chairman of Dyson Sir Richard Needham has been my mentor for years and founder of the MOBO Awards Kanya King is a close friend of mine. h ese people don’t achieve phenomenal success by sitting around. h ere enthusiasm and determination to succeed is infec- tious and defi nitely rubbed off on me. be more inclined to help me. I think people know about it. It’s easier and AD: You have been voted as one of by genuinely trying to help anyone I cheaper than ever to do this. Look at the UK’s Most Connected Women can, I’ve managed to avoid competi- the tools at your disposable, one ex- by the Institute of Directors – have tion. ample being social media – it gives you come across much competition you a direct line to thousands of cus- or negativity from male colleagues AD: A lot of well educated young tomers for free. in business? graduates are fi nding it increasing- SW: I’ve not really come across any ly diffi cult to fi nd jobs, what advice AD: How much of an emphasis extra competition from male entre- would you give them to stand out in would you put on ‘networking’ and preneurs than female ones. My view the business world? ‘knowing the right people’? is that collaboration is the key to suc- SW: Have they thought about start- cess. If I help someone out then if I ing their own business? h ese days SW: Getting yourself out there and need a favour in the future they will you can set up a website and start a meeting people is a huge part of grow- business from your front room, all ing a business. You need to network you need is an internet connection. h ere’s a brilliant support network out their for young entrepreneurs If I help now too, the web provides so much advice and off ers more ways to get in There’s a bril- someone out touch with people than ever before. So you could argue it’s easier to access customers and fi nd yourself a mentor. liant support then if I need h ere seems to be so much doom and gloom about the recession, but I think network out a favour in the young people should take a step back and try to look at this as a wonderful future they opportunity. there... the AD: Some graduates are deciding will be more to set up their own businesses. Are web provides and hear ideas from other people. you how to solve it. It also helps you there any top tips you could give for Locking yourself in a room by your- to come up with new ideas yourself. If inclined to expanding small businesses? so much ad- self means when you get stuck you you’re looking to launch and grow a have nowhere to turn. Getting out, business then I’d say get out and net- SW: Collaborate, work hard and meeting other entrepreneurs who’ve work as MUCH as you can. help me market your hind legs off . To grow vice been through the problem you are “ your business you need to make sure “ going through means they can show AD: Many thanks for your time! Succeeding in business is hard, but succeeding in writing for Felix is easy. All you need to ”do is write something and” email it to [email protected] 14 FRIDAY 31 MAY

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas ARTS [email protected] A stone’s throw away

Why work? Instead, doodle all lecture long and then send us your drawings to [email protected]. Doodling regular, Umar Hossain, is back this week with an indication he may be coming unplugged.

Art Car Boots Fair @ The Old Truman Brewery - This annual event, now celebrating its tenth anniversary, has the stated intention of “re-introduc[ing] some summer fun and fri- volity into a thriving but increasingly commercial London art scene”. Bring pocket money and a friendly disposition. 9 June Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief Once you move inside, you realise ancient ruins. Amongst the most just how much there is to explore. If impressive of these are the Parthe- The Drowned Man: A Hollywood Fable @ Temple Studios - The infamous theatre pro- you like to go around reading every non sculptures. Countless other an- duction company returns to London and the National Theatre with a major, new produc- Museums are funny places. Not bit of information and looking at cient civilizations are explained with tion. Their unique brand of immersive theatre is perfectly suited to exploring their new har-har funny, and not even some- each individual item in a museum, structures exhibited. From China to themes of illusionary reality in film and life. 4 July – 30 December one tripping and then pretending then good luck to you here: there’s so the Babylonians, it’s all on display in they actually meant to stumble for much on off er that you may end up some form. h ere are extensive ex- Dr Sketchy’s @ Vauxhall Tavern - I am pretty sure we have mentioned the Dr Sketch phe- a few steps funny. h ey’re funny in having to live there for a year. hibitions on the Far East that have nomenon before but maybe it’s time again. The concept evolved in the States by the il- that many people wait until they are h e Rosetta Stone is one of the many beautiful items and interesting lustrious Molly Crabapple is an intoxicating bend of Burlesque, drinking and drawings abroad to go to them. I do this quite most famous attractions. In the fl esh, explanations. guaranteed to be an evening to remember. June 19 a lot. Justin Bieber did that once in well, stone, it’s incredible. h e Ro- When walking through the Ancient Amsterdam, but the less said about setta Stone is what allowed us to un- Middle Eastern structures, the size Bourgeois & Maurice @ London Wonderground - The subversive, funny and profoundly that the better. So I guess I shouldn’t derstand hieroglyphs. Inscribed on it of some of the statues that survived fabulous cabaret double-act are playing for one night at London Wonderground at the have said it all then. is a decree from King Ptolemy V in from temples and palaces makes you Southbank Centre. Get ready for a rock-n-roll-pop-ballad-disco-fusion rollercoaster ride Anyway, even though there may be three diff erent scripts: Ancient Egyp- wonder how they were built – at the through the 21st century. May 31 a great museum on my doorstep, it’ll tian hieroglyphs, Ancient Egyptian time they were constructed modern take me years to go there – a good Demotic script, and Ancient Greek. machinery was still literally thou- example is the V&A, which I fi rst Having actually learnt Ancient Greek sands of years away. stepped into after being in London for two years at school, which on re- h is being a newspaper, it should for a whole four and a half years, not fl ection was probably an odd choice; also be noted that the history of to mention the fact that I walked past it was a particularly fascinating expe- writing was particularly interesting. it on a daily basis. rience for me. Although my knowl- How writing changed and evolved I recently went to the British Mu- edge of the language may not extend from early writing and cuneiform to seum. I may have been before when far past knowing the phrase for “un- what we see today is astounding. h e I was younger, but if I had then I cer- der the tree” it was fun to have a stab thought that is most diffi cult to get tainly don’t remember it. Everything at translating it. Be warned though, your head around is that, at one point about the place is impressive. h e there will be an army of tourists with writing did not even exist. majestic architecture of the build- various diff erent cameras constantly h e British Museum is in the heart ing is the fi rst thing to strike you. It’s snapping away. of London. It’s easy to get to, so you detail and size is just awe-inspiring. h e British Museum houses many have no excuses not to go! Becks £ . Bier 1 95 DRINKS A BOTTLE OFFERS 275ML BOTTLE El £10 Belvoir Muza A BOTTLE Presse Prosecco Wines WHITE & ROSE £ .50 £14.50 1 A BOTTLE FOUR FOR A BOTTLE Fentimans £ £1.70 FROZEN 10 A BOTTLE COCkTAILS £2.70 EACH

£9.50 PIMMS 2 PINT JUGUG JUGS NO1 Mojito £9.50 A JUGJUG Sex £ Grand on the 11 Esprit £11 A JUG Beach A JUG imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on

18 FRIDAY 31 MAY

Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter MUSIC [email protected] Soar Like An Eagle? Lilly Le examines the intricacies of Laura Marling’s latest effort

t is slightly perplexing for a sonally, I am a great fan of such stuff; few seconds. Laura Marling for those who are not, it is probably is a name seemingly sliding not an album for them. Surprisingly, off everyone’s lips at the mo- Once I Was An Eagle is not an album ment, yet still, seems to be I would judge people for disliking. It Iunheard of to more than a fair few. is not an album I would try and ram Widely known but remaining anony- down my friends’ throats. Unlike her mous, this enigma-like quality con- previous releases, and especially un- tinues to run through her music, her like I Speak Because I Can, darling fourth album, Once I Was An Eagle, Marling seems to be finally releasing being no exception. music which I can imagine many lis- The first single, ‘Master Hunter’ teners not enjoying. is the most poppy song on the al- With each LP, she has become bum. Poppy, in this context referring more distant from her early teenage to the most catchy and structured releases. Previously full of haste with track. Dylan references and the an annoying “folk” image, dropping only song which features prominent Noah and The Whale’s Charlie Fink drumming, it is no wonder that it in favour of Ethan Johns’ produc- was chosen to be the one of the first tion was probably the best thing she previewed prior to album release. did musically. Since then, her songs Most of the other fifteen are more have matured at impressive speed. akin to long, insightful musings. Per- Marling has gone from moulding

AMS album of the week Deafheaven - Sunbather herself to fit a London scene to an characters she sings about. Plus, she “When we were in love - if we were - independent songstress brimming is a great source of inspiration when I was an eagle and you were a dove.” With my short side-parted hair and with Americana; with four albums trying to find a book to read – one - I Was an Eagle corduroy jacket, I’m about as far away under her belt at the age of 23. which has moved someone to write a from metal as you can get. Always Her latest one opens with a four- song about it is obviously one worth “Wrestle in the rope from dark- open to new experiences, however, song medley, previewed via a beauti- getting lost in. I tip my hat off to ness is no fucking life that I would Deafheaven’s upcoming sophomore ful film full of twirling dancers and Salinas (off of third album A Crea- choose.” –Master Hunter album Sunbather caught my eye. De- romancers ‘When Brave Bird Saved.’ ture I Don’t Know) and its nod to scribed as “shoegaze with black metal This, combined with three which Steinbeck’s East of Eden. “Maybe I like pleasure-pain.” – Lit- drumming and vocals,” and with a cov- have been streaming on her Sound Rather than the majestic instru- tle Bird er more reminiscent of drinking pink Cloud for the past couple of months, mental composition which bathed lemonade on a summer’s day than of satanic rituals in Norwegian forests, make the 16-track album less of a pervious releases, the parts that “You weren’t my curse. You weren’t it looked to be far from the usual black metal fare. It seems that the span daunting thing. Plus, don’t bother jump out are the tender guitar my curse. Thank you naivety for fail- from shoegaze through post-rock to metal may not be an impossible one with ‘Interlude’. strings which echo the melody of ing me again.” – Saved These Words. to bridge. The remaining eight require two her voice. Try ‘Little Bird’ and your Beginning with an unrelenting torrent of distorted guitars and frantic things to be enjoyed. Firstly, being heart will swell as she sings the name This closing track, as they usually drums, it lives up to the description: this is undeniably black metal – pur- in the right mood. Many people mis- “Rosie”. are, is the personal highlight of the ists may claim that it’s not “trve” enough – but with a major key, a series takenly believe this would be a de- Instead of her long poetic verses, album. Understated and elegant it of powerful crescdeni and melodic tunes picked out on the lead guitar, pressive one, but I would personally which bulked up older albums, are leaves the listener with a sweet af- it takes the genre in a completely new direction – at least to this outside warn against that (it doesn’t help) short, sharp phrases which send tertaste. It is similar to watching a observer. This may be the most uplifting album I’ve heard all year. – more of a state of contemplation chills down the spine. touching film and for five short min- While I’m no stranger to screamed vocals, those who are certainly and retreat. Secondly, it requires lis- utes feeling as though you see your shouldn’t be put off – incoherent and fierce, yet not grating, they blend tening several times. This is no bad “I don’t care where you’ve gone beast life in a whole new way and that you so well into the mix that they become almost like just another guitar ef- thing, the best songs are the ones – I care where you go.” – Take the are a completely different person. fect. They could just as easily be screams of anger as they could of pure, you get to know over time rather Night Off unadulterated joy. than those which jump at you first The album’s fourth and central song, ‘Please Remember’, provides a time and hardly ever again. brief respite after twenty minutes of the near-continual wall of sound Compared to earlier records, the with sampled speech over a back-masked strings loop which eventually pieces are less layered, mainly fo- decays, drowned out by ever-increasing distortion until a soft acoustic cussing on her guitar and her voice guitar rhythm plays out the rest of the track. This wouldn’t sound out of joining in here and there, humming place at all on a Godspeed You! Black Emperor album, yet fits perfectly along only when she feels like it. here, before the following track slowly builds back up to the unmistakable Marling’s poetic prowess is not lost, phenomenally fast-paced metal sound. but is half transferred to the musi- Undeniably heavy and powerful, yet at the same time optimistic and cal bed rather than fully channelled dreamy, metalheads and shoegazers alike should find something to enjoy through the lyrics as they used to be. here. This album is, if you’ll pardon the phrase, not black metal but bright What hasn’t changed, however, is metal. her aloof approach to song-writing. It is obvious that the songs do not Keir Little come directly from personal experience, but more of an empathy for the FRIDAY 31 MAY 19

Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter [email protected] MUSIC Cassette Culture: RRR Records Riaz Agahi talks to Ron Lessard, head of seminal noise label RRR

fter hearing about RRR original cassette camaraderie still ex- participate in the series, I try to only records through their ists and it seems to be getting strong- release the unknown, unloved, unac- Recycled series, I dis- er – cassette labels are popping up left complished – the new recruits, those covered a contribution and right – I totally understand the who are just beginning their noise to the development and love for cassettes, it’s the need for hu- journey – I see no reason to support Aproliferation of noise music that goes man connection – clicking a button to those who are already successful, they far beyond a series of tapes which hear something on your computer is already have their support mecha- brings together some of noise’s most swell but it could never match the ap- nism in place – the unknown, unloved important artists. Based in Lowell, peal of getting something in the mail have no one who cares and that’s why Massachusetts, RRR has the distinc- that someone made just for you. I want to use this series as a support tion of being the fi rst American la- mechanism for the new recruits bel to release Merzow, eff ectively RA: How did the recycled series come h ere was a time when the noise globalising noise. Despite that, the about and do you have any personal scene didn’t exist, everyone was un- label’s profi le is lower than Merzbow highlights? loved and unaccomplished – but and the like, and this is because rather when we found each other, we knew than sticking with the artists it helped RL: Most labels put out cassette af- we had to support each other – now establish, the label has relentlessly fo- ter cassette of the same people – I the noise scene exists but it sill has the cused on new discoveries. h is is RRR wanted to do just 1 cassette by eve- unloved and unaccomplished – they records’ truly underground ethos, ryone – as a theme/direction for this get my full support, I remember what which I felt worthy of further exami- concept, I decided instead of original it was like when no one cared. nation, so I got in touch with label works by these artists, I would ask founder and head Ron Lessard. them to recycle their own or someone RA: How do you feel the noise scene with the NEED to make noise – it has your own fi re.” else’s recordings (recycling is remix- has evolved since the beginning and is become an acceptable form of expres- Riaz Agahi: What motivated you to ing, tearing it down and rebuilding it for better or for worse? sion and because of that, you have to RA: Merzbow once said that Western start RRR? it) – I would then take those recycled take the good and the bad. noise was too academic, do you feel recordings and record them over pre- RL: Well, the big diff erence is the that there’s major diff erences in noise Ron Lessard: I’ve been passionate existing cassettes – that Twisted Sis- noise scene actually exists now – RA: Kind of a more general question from each country? about record albums since I was a ter tape got taped over by Merzbow, there was a time when only the artists is about the origins of noise as a genre. teenager, it’s a passion that grew into the Billy Joel tape is now an Aube knew each other and the information h ere were academics like Luigi Rus- RL: Everyone has their own ideas and an obsession – opening a record store tape. was hard to get out, now the infor- solo at the start of the 20th century perceptions – some countries do have was the natural direction for my life, I no longer ask the artist to make mation is easy to get out, it happens who promoted it as an idea, as kind of their own identity of sorts, no doubt it’s the one thing I always cared about their master based on recycling/re- every second of every day – and now the next step in the evolution of music due to their cultural environment: – y’know that old saying about fi nding mixing – I’m happy to accept new there are so many people who listen to because the human ear had become what you love in life and you’ll never original material – I no longer ask noise for their own personal pleasure, adjusted to the noise of the urban in- England – big on power electronics have to work again? Well, it’s true – well known and successful artists to it no longer revolves around those dustrial environment. But then on Germany – big on power electronics I followed my passion and that’s the the other hand, there’s more anarchic Japan – big on noise best thing anyone could ever do. genres like punk and grind, which USA – big on noise seem more organic in their approach. RA: How did you get in touch with Do you feel it’s a combination of both, Make of that as you will, I won’t Japanese artists like Merzbow and or one in particular or something else make any judgements. Aube? entirely? RA: h is doesn’t really have anything RL: I didn’t get in touch with them, RL: I was listening to the academ- to do with the interview, but I got this they got in touch with me – back in ics before punk and grind were even cassette single with my recycled tapes the day when there was no “scene”, it genres – and many of the original that said Autraumatic on the side, was just a bunch of us guys who traded noise guys did also – me personally, wasn’t sure what this was but it was a tapes with one another, there used to I never read that Russolo manifesto, pretty great tape. be a number of fanzines and publica- I don’t care about the theory, I only tions that promoted tape trading and really care about the results – does it RL: Actually this has everything to those guys read about me in a maga- speak to me, does it covey a mood or do with the interview because it goes zine somewhere. I was the American expression that I can identify with – back to my wanting to support the guy who understood what they were all the theory in the word ain’t gonna new recruits – I don’t remember that trying to do so they said hello. make me like it, that’s just some guy cassette but I’m in the habit of giving trying to explain himself. away cassettes by unknown artists RA: What is it about the cassette that’s I can certainly appreciate the organ- whenever I get an order – it’s another made it so heavily a part of the noise ic approach, those guys make noise way I support the unloved and un- scene? because their passion compels them cared…. – I love those guys, its all about bare- RL: At the time, internet didn’t exist ing your soul. RA: Are there any new artists on and making records for that weird your label you’d especially recom- recording you made last night was RA: As kind of an extension of the last mend? totally out of the question. Cassettes question, how important is industrial? were cheap, you could buy them an- RL: Ha! - all of them. ywhere and most importantly, you I’m not a fan of industrial, it sounds could make them yourself at home – too much like people singing songs Buy RRR music from http://www. and because of that, cassettes was the GX Jupitter-Larson (of h e Hat- rrrecords.com/ medium of choice. ers) said it best... “Industrial is sing- To hear John Wiese’s entire recycled Digital technology has changed the ing about fi re, Power Electronics is tape, visit http://www.icradio.com/ way noise gets disseminated but that screaming about fi re, Noise is starting schedule/228491 20 FRIDAY 31 MAY

Television Editor: Lucia Podhorska TELEVISION [email protected] Spinning chairs Stephanie Walton voices her opinions on the BBC’s talent show

ome people really can sing. laughing at the poorer contestants ment, the gifted Jessie J’s hair styles And I don’t just mean in rather than enjoying the better perfor- and nails are extraordinary, and Tom will.i.am was cameraman tune with a token crescendo mances, the contestants in h e Voice’s Jones is, well, Tom Jones. If, however, for the night, apparently or diminuendo. I mean with Blind Auditions are of a consistently the UK programme irks you for some style and true feeling. high standard. After the Blind Audi- reason, try h e Voice Australia with Sh e Voice is a TV show which tions, the competition continues with the beautiful Delta Goodrem, h e searches for these very people and battle rounds between team members Voice Holland in which the coaches’ assesses them on the quality of their and eventually a live sing off before an feedback is in mind-boggling Dutch voices alone. In the so called “Blind overall winner is crowned. h ese later or h e Voice Ireland in which the Auditions” the vocal coaches cannot rounds are not as thrilling as the initial coaches sit on diff erently styled red initially see the contestants as their Blind Auditions but are nevertheless a chairs and argue a lot. chairs are turned backwards. If they fi ne showcase of vocal expertise. h e But before you get stuck in it is my like what they hear and want the sing- Voice is a talent show like no other duty to warn you of the possible side er to join their team they press their and most certainly deserves your at- eff ects of this programme. Firstly, re- buzzer and their chair spins around. tention. vision eff orts could be hampered; you h is can be exciting and nerve- h e Voice started in h e Nether- can fi nd more than 8 hours of Blind wracking; if no one spins around the lands in 2010 and was such a success Auditions’ footage on BBC iPlayer. contestant goes home. And if more that it has now spread to 50 other And secondly, there is a risk of suff er- than one coach spins around a fi ght countries or regions, 8 of which also ing from what I like to call, for obvious for the singer ensues. Unlike The X have children’s competitions. In the reasons, the “Wimbledon eff ect”. You Factor, in which the best, worst, and UK we are currently mid-way through start to believe that you too can sing most unusual acts are televised, h e our second series with our four vocal despite 25 years’ worth of evidence Voice’s Blind Audition contestants are coaches making excellent television; suggesting otherwise. Singing in a selected on vocal merit. Whilst the Danny O’Donoghue is a real charmer, crowded lift is still, I repeat still, unac- fi rst round of h e X Factor can involve will.i.am provides constant amuse- ceptable.

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BUSINESS SCHOOL EXPERIENCE EVENING The Business School is pleased to announce the winner of the iPad prize draw which took place at our recent Experience Evening. Congratulations to Lucy Asanache, shown here receiving her prize from Programme Director and Principal Teaching Fellow, Colin Love.

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Tell us what you think You could win an ipad mini What would you do with £300,000 for sustainability & more great prizes! projects? Send us your ideas imperialcollegeunion.org/survey Imperial College Union is bidding for up to £300,000 of funding to create a new generation of environmental and sustainability-focused projects here at Imperial – and we need your suggestions.

Whether it’s reducing the environmental impact of private accommodation, growing food across campuses, holding a conference or creating new ethical training and development schemes, this is your chance to turn your idea into reality.

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The key themes are student participation, partnership, impact and legacy. There is an Idea Bank available here – EVENTS THIS WEEK provided by the National Union of Students, who are running the £5m scheme on behalf of the Higher Education imperialcollegeunion.org/stressless Funding Council for England. YOGA Please send your ideas to Andrew Keenan, Education & Welfare Manager on [email protected], by Monday 3 Tuesday 4 June, 12:00-1300 and June 2013. 15:00-16:00 Free Queen’s Lawn The Stress Less Yoga class will National Student Survey - prize draw winners help you to focus and help relieve your stress levels. The overall turnout for this year’s National Student Survey (NSS) at Imperial College was 81% - 10% higher than last year. Ipsos MORI ran a prize draw during this year’s NSS and there were eight lucky winners of our prizes - MASSAGES congratulations to you all! The winners are: Thursday 6 June, 11:00 - 17:00 Free £20 Union Shop Voucher: Free Summer Ball ticket: Library • En Wei Michael Chow – Chemical • Aaron D’souza – Life Sciences Come to the Library Cafe and Engineering • Charlotte Hewitt – Life Sciences let a professional massue gently • Alexandra Hamilton – Life Sciences • Michele Swalens – Civil Engineering massage your stress away, making • Cristina Grigoruta – Computing • Margaret Pikovsky – Medicine you feel more relaxed and ready • Obadah Ghannam - Medicine for anything. • Joseph Pick – Medicine

imperialcollegeunion.org 22 FRIDAY 31 MAY

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM ﬁ [email protected] 2013 Cannes

John Park Film Editor

h e world’s most prestigious fi lm festival came to a close last Sunday, with renowned fi lmmakers, actors, models, singers and Cheryl Cole all making an appearance on the fancy red carpet – there were highs, lows, and some downright bizarre fi lms in competition, as with every year, and Felix Film goes through this year’s big winners – we’ll look at the others The winning director and stars of “Blue is the Warmest Colour” next week – we’ve got exams...!

Winners in full:

Palme d’Or: Abdellatif Kechiche (Blue is the Warmest Colour) Honourary Palme d’Or: Adèle Exarchopoulos and Léa Seydoux (Blue is the Warmest Colour) Grand Prix: Joel & Ethan Coen (Inside Llewyn Davis) Best Director: Emat Escalante (Heli) Best Screenplay: Jia Zhangke (A Touch of Sin) Best Actor: Bruce Dern (Nebraska) Best Actress: Bérénice Bejo (The Past) Jury Prize: Hirokazu Koreeda (Like Father, Like Son)

The Jury (from left to right: Christoph Waltz, Vidya Balan, Ang Lee, Steven Spielberg (Jury President), Lynne Ramsay, Naomi Kawase, Nicole Kidman, Daniel Auteuil, Cristian Mungiu FRIDAY 31 MAY 23

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles ﬁ [email protected] FILM Film Festival

Totally shouldn’t have said “do what So busy with ex- you think is nice” ams I haven’t even to the hairdresser had time to shave

So Blue is the Warmest Colour was the big winner this year – with the coveted Critics were equally ecstatic about the Coen Brothers’ latest, Inside Llewyn Palme d’Or going to both the director and its young actresses (typically it’s Davis, which walked away with the second prize, a fi lm that tells the story of only the director who receives the prize). A fi lm that is destined to become a singer-songwriter navigating his way through the folk music scene in 1960s infamous for its 10-minute unsimulated lesbian sex scene, critics were blown New York. h e Coens have always had a healthy winning streak with Cannes away by its “wildly undisciplined” narrative in which a 15-year-old girl’s life with their series of outstanding fi lms, and it appears this year was no excep- changes forever when she falls for an older woman, and this has been called “a tion. masterpiece of human warmth, empathy and generosity”. Oscar Isaac’s lead performance has been singled out for praise, as “delicate, Whether director Abdellatif Kechiche intended this or not, the fi lm is also restrained portrait that results in a diff erent kind of movie than anything else marked to become a symbol for France’s recent new law allowing same-sex the siblings have produced.” marriage. h e Coens have produced “a boldly original, highly emotional journey” one “A devastating mix of eroticism and sadness” as well as “an extraordinary, that is “as stunning and singular as anything in the Coens’ canon” prolonged popping-candy explosion of pleasure, sadness, anger, lust and Described as an “instant A-list Coens; enigmatic, exhilarating, irresistible,” hope,” no wonder this walked home with the top prize. the UK will have to wait until 24th January 2014 to enjoy this gem.

Japanese fi lm Like Father, Like Son was awarded the third best fi lm prize, the Jury Prize, marking director Hi- rokazu Koreeda’s fi rst ever Cannes win after three years of competition. A baby-switch occurs after a series of errors and what families do about this is the premise of this “touchingly low-key” domestic drama. Off ering a “thoughtful exploration of meaning of parenthood” as well as providing a “wholly charming study of the evolution of parenthood,” Ko- reeda’s latest has been described as Amat Escalante’s unfl iching (that’s Successfully juggling four sepa- In Alexander Payne’s Nebraska, a Oscar-winning director of A Separa- “sweet-natured” with its “witty com- just a fancy way of saying very, very rate stories that take place all over black-and-white movie exploring the tion, Asghar Farhadi’s new domestic bo of humour and human drama” violent) look at the shocking eff ects the modern-day China, all of them relationship between a father and drama won rave reviews as well as the that results in “charm and abundant of poverty, crime and drugs on a inspired by real-life headlines, Jia son who embark on a road trip to col- Best Actress trophy for its star Bejo. human sympathy.” Mexican family polarised the critics, Zhangke’s A Touch of Sin was the re- lect a $1 million prize, Bruce Dern is Her performance is one that “fi nds all Some complaints here however, as some praising, others criticising, the cipient of the Best Screenplay. “simply marvelous” as he “underplays the right notes” with a “surprisingly some noted the fi lm overall “makes very use of extreme violence. Adding moments of shocking, bru- without a trace of neurosis or man- dynamic, unsentimental central per- little emotional connection” and how Just take this sentence for example: tal violence into his usual style of nerism” formance” as a woman seeking a di- the director “never quite manages to “Heli may be the most optimistic fi lm long takes and documentary-style h e fi lm itself received praise, as “a vorce to marry another man. infuse it with the same depth of feel- you will ever see in which one young fi lming, it’s “a good deal more vigor- bittersweet elegy for the American She “embodies a particular brand ing his main character goes through.” man sets another’s genitals on fi re.” ous” compared to his previous work extended family”, one that “builds of hotheaded, hopelessly romantic And here’s the harshest one of all “[it] Ouch, and you start getting the full and noted this as a “departure” from to a resolution that’s simultaneously Gallic femininity without tilting into has overall depth and tenor of a Life- picture. some of his past quieter fi lms. touching and deeply...sad” cliche” time movie.” 24 FRIDAY 31 MAY

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar Maximilian Eggl TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Xbox One: Ton of fun? Apparently the one and only center of your new Multimedia world!

ey, an article about the Xbox One, I hear you ex- claim, shouldn’t that be in the gaming section? Well there probably will The News Bubble Hbe one, describing all its features and games that will be available at release. General news from around the tech world, so you can keep up to date with the However this article will focus on the newest, weirdest and most futuristic things around. Xbox One’s, as long with others, intru- sion into the multimedia market. Mini Galaxy h e idea that you could get a device Samsung seems to have inadvertently shown off one of its new products, the that controlled all your diff erent devic- Galaxy S4 Mini. For a short while it was possible to see the, at this point un- es, in fact in some cases making them released product, in the Samsung Online store. The site has now been taken obsolete, has been around for a while. down, but the existence of the Mini is all but confirmed. Purportedly to be h e Apple TV was one of the fi rst of officially announced on the 20th of June, it will carry some respectable specs these devices produced a big name com- and aim to replicate its big brothers success in the mid-range smartphone pany. However Apple TV has never re- market. ally hit off (well not as popular as other Apple products) with the general pub- your current set up to be connected to iWatch the Advert lic, due to the fact that it was not very your new console. Apart from serving even if they Watching the new iPhone 5 advert, some of the more sharp-eyed of you may general in its abilities, limiting you to as an entertainment hub it can access have noticed one of the people in the video wearing a square wrist watch. watching movies/TV shows over iTunes the internet, run Windows 8 apps, let Apple are supposedly masters of advertising, so that may suggest this was a or streaming from your computer. h is you watch TV, Skype calls, play blu- loses some purposeful measure to further increase the hype surrounding the iWatch. It ray discs, oh and did I forget to men- does seem to have striking similarity to artist’s renditions, so you never know. tion, it also happens to play games. On the other hand, the actor could have just had a really ugly watch. Apple TV; just Now that seems to be the attitude of those true with which Microsoft approached the Buzz, Buzzing no more another device Xbox One, despite the 360 being one gamers, it will Google Buzz, one of the tech giant’s failed attempts at a social network is now of the most successful fl agships for the being closed down for good. All the data on the website will go into a private hardcore gamer. Eight years ago when Google server for all the stuff that people kept private, and all the stuff on the in your bur- the 360 was released, in 2005, the fi rst likely get not profile that was public will be going into a public server where the general iPhone was probably a bunch of wires public will still be able to view everything. geoning pile of in some Apple technician’s desk and went on to be quite a hit. So why did so gaming Facebook phone fail junk surround- Microsoft totally change their appar- The HTC First, aka the Facebook phone has officially failed. The Android ently winning strategy? Smartphones inclined folks device, which was hyped pre-launch has failed to sell in the US, even after and tablets, that’s why. With the ad- the price was dropped to $0.99. This rather cold reception has now led to ing your TV. vent of free-to-play games and casual the European, including UK, launch to be postponed indefinitely. Facebook gamers, the money in the market has egy is unique in this market. h ere themselves have called the phone a failure. Perhaps this just goes to show that moved away from the classic niche of are two possible consequences of people do not want their whole phone dominated by their Facebook account. the console gamer, where, apart from this uniqueness. One, the average does not make other devices obsolete the big name titles, there are rarely any “console gamer is pissed off at Micro- or replace them, in fact it’s just another success stories. h erefore with this soft for betraying them and selling What’s Black, White and Flat all device in your burgeoning pile of junk strategy of controlling your multime- out, meaning they will probably buy surrounding your TV. dia as well as off ering a quality gaming the PS4. Two, if the hardcore gamer over? Now let the Xbox One step into the console, Microsoft is hoping to appeal doesn’t care what his console does Apparently iOS 7! Now that Jonny Ive has taken over the design of the new “light. Firstly the name; the Xbox One to those casual as well as hardcore apart from off ering the best gaming iOS after Scott Forstall’s dismissal, speculators on the internet are coming up itself refers to the fact that it will be the gamers, and thus maximise profi ts. experience possible, then the Xbox with the most interesting rumours. The first no-brainer that I’ve come across only device you will need in your home Now what does this strategy mean seems just as attractive as its com- is that Ive, who hates the skeumomorphic design, will get rid of the faux leath- (except for the Screen, TV-box etc.), and for the major competitors of the Xbox petitors. h e big diff erence is that er as well as all the other “real life” approximations, to make way for a cleaner, will serve as the hub of all your enter- One, the Wii U and the PS4. Well Sony even if Microsoft loses some of those flatter look more in line with the actual devices themselves. There are several tainment needs. h us it seems that eve- seems to have retained the same strat- true gamers, it will likely get more of concept videos on the web right now, and most of them look really good, so rything will be controlled by this central egy with the PS4 as the PS3, and in fact the not so gaming inclined folks who have a look if it tickles your fancy! hub, which certainly does help to reduce Nintendo has tried to go the opposite like their” devices to make their lives the copious amounts of remote controls way with making the Wii U: appealing somewhat easier. On A Personal Note that lay around. It not only has a HDMI more to the hardcore gamer than the Remember those epic bluetooth headphones I bought about 6 months ago? input, but ”also an output allowing for Wii. So it seems that the Xbox’s strat- Maximilian Eggl Yeah, well I managed to kinda break them by stepping on them. In a study induced haze, I didn’t watch my step and managed to snap the plastic bit that attaches one of the headphones to the actual bridge. They still work perfectly, except that they won’t stay on my head. Well, every cloud has a silver lining, right? In my case that silver lining is an upgrade in the form a 5 pound more (£25) pair, from the same company, which have not let me down. In fact they are even a bit more sturdy than the previous ones ( I hope).

I SEEEEEEEE YOU Maximilian Eggl Tech editor FRIDAY 31 MAY 25

Games Editor: Ross Webster [email protected] GAMES Bringing ink to a gunfight Sanchit Sharma is showing off his brand new tatts...

ey. You. Don’t you Tattoos known as: h e Marks. h e art and music, on the other hand, should be noted. there is nearly always something you “ hear the bell? We h e fi rst level takes place at the tail are absolutely astonishing. Together Firstly that the game is more ‘casual’, can do in the meantime to maximise need to get out of end of an attack on your clan, led by a with a few major features in the game- in that it’s much easier to get into. If your chances of a successful stealth kill. here, and fast. I’m man named Karajan. Starting with only play (being able to ‘see’ sound, paus- you simply want to complete the lev- Overall, Mark of the Ninja is a testa- here to help you. your amazing senses, but picking up ing time for short periods, the sheer els and fi nish the story, you can fail all ment to what a group of programmers RuleH number one: Don’t get me killed. various pieces of equipment and learn- number of diff erent ways to execute the time and be detected quite often can do when they have a singular vi- Wait, where’s your sword? Stick to the ing new moves along the way, your goal a stealth kill), these cause a very pow- but still complete it – only your points sion and the time and money to do the darkness until you fi nd it. Good thing is to assassinate him. h is is a matter of erful atmosphere in the game. If, like will suff er. But if you want to, there’s a best they can at fulfi lling that vision. you were out cold, looks like they don’t honour, however all may not be quite me, you’re one of these people who wealth of secondary objectives to com- Mark of the Ninja is available on know you’re alive. Let’s keep it that way. as it seems... becomes very invested in a game, you plete that turn it from a game that Steam or Xbox live for £12, and a sin- Now come on, we’ve got to save Master h e controls are solid, though a little might even start feeling like a real ninja. anyone can complete to one gle DLC will be released over the Azai!” clunky if using keyboard and mouse. Unfortunately, there are very few that few can master. summer, expanding a little on And so opens Mark of the Ninja, Personally, I prefer to use an Xbox games out there to compare this to – Secondly, it is also far the backstory and intro- a 2D stealth game in which your su- 360 controller, occasionally using the 2D stealth games have only really start- less tedious; in my experi- ducing new items. perhuman senses are not the result of mouse for precision, however a little ed becoming popular with the release ence, many stealth games training or bloodline, but rather from bit of practice and most people should of Mark of the Ninja. However, in com- have a large element of wait- a powerful toxin injected into the skin. be fi ne with a keyboard and mouse. parison to 3D stealth games two things ing. Whilst this is indeed present here, guard pa- trols are short, in order to minimise the wait. Rush- ing through a level will still get you detected and decrease your points, however you The sequel, Simon of the often need Ninja, coming Fall 2013 not wait long, and

The consolation prize? Nah, you can keep it.

Ross Webster Miss Universe 1908 pushed the boundaries of thought, gimmick. Well, I started so I might as where now Microsoft has you bent the used-game market, where you can by incrementing your console name well let myself fi nish. Kinect will al- over a barrel, and you’re still begging give up your license of ‘Game A’, to get by one, adding a letter and wilfully ways be on, and watching your room for more. No backwards compatibil- a discount on ‘Game B’ – the sequel to If you’ve been living under a rock confusing people with your fi rst con- – your supposed to use Kinect com- ity with previous games, and games Game A, with nothing changed apart these last two weeks, there was a lot of sole, respectively. What happened to mands to turn on your XBone. So, in are tied to your Xbox Live account from a new weapon, which we’ll nerf hype, building up to the reveal of Mi- the time when we had names such as other words, Microsoft will now have (like WiiU games, but we’re bash- on release’. So yeah, good luck with crosoft’s latest console – the last real ‘Dreamcast’ and ‘Gamecube’? Heck, a way to watch and record everything ing Microsoft today). Microsoft has that Microsoft. We’ll be watching. contender in the latest saga of the con- I’d even accept mixing random words that’s going on in your room. Germa- mentioned creating a monopoly on And silently judging. sole wars. As with anything that has and letters to get new names, like the ny and Australia, the stalwarts of sen- ever had that much anticipation built ‘AssPlayer 128’ or ‘Screaming Eagle X‘, sible-thinking, are debating banning up for it, you could hear the joy leav- as that would at least be a less-half- the console in their countries, due to ing everyone’s souls, making the noise assed attempt. Wow, didn’t think I’d the ma-hu-ssive privacy concern. like a rudely defl ating balloon animal. moan about the names for that long. Much hilarity could be had with oth- It turns out that most people’s worst So yeah, onto the real disappointment. er people’s XBones, if the announce- fears had become manifest. Apparently, everyone in the world ment ceremony was anything to judge h ere were rumours abound, re- watches TV, or they’ll die – a school the Kinect by. Internet denizens re- garding the name of the new console, of thought founded by TV Licensing, ported that their Kinect-equipped and it looks like the community came and now adopted by Microsoft. Now, Xbox 360s turned off whenever the up with a better name and branding that’s not to say that Netfl ix, etc aren’t people at the event gave commands (Xbox Infi nity) for the console, than popular, but trying to advertise your to their on-stage XBone. Be ready for whatever name Microsoft eventu- console because you can watch TV on people using in-game chat to direct ally picked out of a hat. So, we’ve now it is... well... that’s just stupid. h at’s your XBone to lemonparty or goatse got the WiiU, PS4 and now the Xbox what a TV is for. (Google at your own risk). Also, using One (now forever known to the Felix Unusable gimmicks aside, Kinect is your Xbox to watch the reveal of it’s games team as the XBone), so yeah. required for the console to even boot, successor is just cruel. XBone is watching Really inventive names, people. You’ve so in other word... oh right, unusable DRM is back for another round, you sleep. It enjoys it. 26 FRIDAY 31 MAY

HANGMAN [email protected]

Rap Lyrics of the Week Forever alone! Tulisa: “Girls” Hangman’s 2013 guide to getting some nerdy companionship

When your eyes fi rst meet: 7. Ladies love to be surprised, so don’t go into specifi cs you technically some emotion. when she’s not looking, twist her head aren’t lying. 1. Check in a mirror to make sure towards you, and shout about how 3. Go out for a meal somewhere. your fedora is on straight. great you are. Your fi rst few dates: h e ladies love european cuisine, so a classy establishment like Pizza Hut is a 2. Approach the female. 8. She might start groping you there 1. Chose something unique, such as great choice. Ignore the 14 year olds on and then – if not, just inform her that going to the movies to watch a horror dates. h at doesn’t mean this isn’t so- 3. Choose an icebreaker that will dis- you do engineering so could poten- movie. Girls love all that blood and phisticated, they’re just mature. tinguish you from the grunting apes tially fi x any appliance that ever breaks screaming. that she normally dates. Go for some- (even though you defi nitely couldn’t). 4. Fall deeply in love, and ask her to thing that shows off your mature side. 2. Bring her back to your parent’s marry you. 9. By now, you have either been basement, and watch all of Firefl y, “Kirk or Picard?” thrown out of the bar (the urinals are whilst holding back the tears. h en 5. She if she subscribes to the YOLO “I am the biggest female boss that not “fancy toilets” as you claimed be- move onto a Lord of the Rings mara- philosophy by asking how awesome ever lived” 4. When she turns away, and con- fore squatting), arrested (the sink basin thon. h is way, she sees that you have from 1-10 your 15 YOLO tattoos are. tinues to talk to her friends, she’s just isn’t a “tall urinal”) or, more likely, are Erm? Are you? Is this a fact? I think playing hard to get. Don’t worry, white nursing a pint in the corner pretending Angela Merkel may disagree with knights – persevere. to send a text message. In either case, you. Let’s just do a quick calcula- repeat steps 1-8, until success. If eve- tion though: you’re in a band. She is 5. Compliment her, so she knows ryone rejects you, retreat to a kebab the Chancellor of Germany, a posi- how you feel about her. shop and then home – your lecture tion she has held for about 8 years. notes can keep you warm at night. Yeah, actually, you probably just “You smell like my mother.” about edge being a major world 10. If she doesn’t want your number leader. 6. She should now be enamoured, then give the guy doing those weird but too shy to be seen with someone as rhymes in the toilet your digits. h en handsome as you, so you need to make you can tell your friends you gave the fi rst move. someone your number, as long as you Dappy: “Tarzan” the turnip Hangman’s Finest News Source Honey honey honey...... honeeeyyy Researchers from University College claim against their allowances, honey ernment has suggest that we should ever, does go on to say that trying to “Estate agent told me I can’t be London, along with the Bee Research spent on any properties which they do lower the wax tax for the bees with bribe bees to stay in this country, just late, Group at the University of Illinois not live in. the most honey, to stop them from to keep the honey fl owing, is god- When I turned up told her chat to have published a paper in Nature, However, rumours spread on the leaving the country. h e paper, how- damn stupid. my briefcase” which details the decline of the honey internet last year, over alleged em- bee within the British Isles. buzzlement of honey, after photos So were you late or not? You h rough the use of tagging, the were released of Sir Edward Fuzzing- haven’t actually said. You could Freedom of Information Act, and ton-Stripes, meeting with a group of have been on time and then told enlisting the help of InterPollen, the wasps. Upon confrontation, Sir Fuzz- a woman to talk to an inanimate 203-page paper reports that an in- ington-Stripes, aged 2 months, and 12 object. What’s really strange is car- creasing number of bees are spending days, gave up a list of names of other rying around a briefcase that is, their time at secondary, or even ter- involved parties. presumably, full of money. That’s tiary hives, in the Cayman Islands. h is lead to the arrest of many MBs, fucking stupid and unnecessary. h e majority of bees monitored, also on the charge of wax evasion, Just pay with a bank transfer. spent their time moving between their which holds a maximum prison sen- hives and members-only gardens, and tence of 18 days. are often quoted as ‘working’ when h is isn’t the fi rst time that Sir Fuzz- questioned. ington-Stipes has been caught in the Do people laugh at you all the Over the last 4 years, much of the spotlight either. Last May, a super- bee populace of the UK has been sub- injuction was taken out to prevent the time? ject to a political shift, with many of proliferation of photos of him, crawl- the constituent apiaries moving to- ing out intoxicated, from the fl ower Really? wards a conservative standing. Due bed of a Miss Givens of Bethnal Green, to the stresses of political life, MBs London. It didn’t help his image, when are able to claim back honey that is later, upon leaving Downing Street, he spent maintaining their two hives – was heard to mutter ‘fucking drones’ Anyway... Send stuff in: felix@ one in their constituency, and another as he was ushered through a side gate. imperial.ac.uk in London. h ey are not allowed to In the light of this research, the gov- FRIDAY 31 MAY 27

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THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS

OPEN AIR BRANCH OF NEW FULL BODY CONDOMS SAINSBURYS IS AN INSTANT PROVE IMPRACTICAL AND SUCCESS UNATTRACTIVE

HOROSCOPES – BRB G2G LOLZ CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you start shag- This week you just can’t This week you fi nally lose This week Neptune and Ura- This week you let down gen- Dis wk u decide 2 tlk lyk dis 2 ging your personal tutor in shake off that feeling that your virginity. Awwww yeah. nus are fi nally aligned. This erations of your family by not atract da hotties.It wrkd wen an attempt to get extra marks someone is stalking you. It was beautiful. It was hum- means your anus will fi nally getting 80% in your group u wer 14 y wud it not be gud on your upcoming exam. You feel eyes on the back of bling. It was awe inspiring. align with a hot piece of ass. project. You really sicken me now? They’re into some seriously your head. You can feel them You were defi nitely on top Boom. Shame your partner you do. You think you can weird shit. You just hold burning a hole in your head. form, although you don’t has a praying mantis fetish walk in here and just have BRB your snorkle and take it, it’s “GO COMPAREEEEEE”. The know what exactly top form and eats off your head after. fun at university. FUN. FUN!? for the greater good. It turns Go Compare man is behind is... You wake from your You die with a smile on your Don’t you know this is Impe- K, bk. How r u? Lol. U Fb out your tutor has no power you with a knife. He stabs dream with cum all over you, face, knowing you may get rial. Fun was never an option msg every1 u no. U get 0 and didn’t even set the exam. you and displays your corpse and realise you fell asleep in giving an honorary fi rst. Or at here. On your bike to the Li- dates frm it. Soz. Ttyl. Cya. Week wasted. in the Library. your exam. Awkward. least hoping. Pint? brary. xxxxxxxxxx CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week you fi nally get add- This week Mars has moved This week you’re a bar of This week you start frantically This week the library printer This week you have to de- ed by your secret crush on into the war position. This soap. You really have a tough stroking the mightly sword in is so fed up of printing badly- cide between having to drink Snapchat. You immediately means exams are on the hori- life. All that happens is your the toilets. Awwwww yeah. written coursework that it swal- straight vodka for the rest of start a strict grooming regime zon and you must guard your used by men to rub their The soap jumps from your lows you whole and holds your life and having penises (no more greasy foods etc) to computer with your life. Hav- sweaty genitals. Some even hand and goes under your you hostage in paper tray 2. It for limbs. Your permanent look your best. You also look ing found one spare machine use you for lubrication when foot. You slip and break your starts fl ashing error messages state of intoxication could be up lighting effects to make in a training room you for- they’re taking a long shower arm. Now you have to scream in Morse code to communicate fun, but you may be an annoy- everything seem bigger just in tify it with armed guards and that they think is so subtle for help from your house- the ransom for your release, ing drunk. The penises would case. Turns out you were add- barbed wire. You get over- that their housemates won’t mates knowing they’ll walk in but no one understands so it make you individual, but peo- ed by accident, and they talk thrown in a coup and have to realise they’re wanking. Be- to see you standing to atten- drowns you in ink and spits you ple would jack you off by ac- like they’re on MSN in 2000. live in exile on Queen’s Lawn. ing a bar of soap is hard. :( tion. Wouldn’t happen at UCL. out while fl ashing ‘paper jam’. cident. What’s it going to be? 28 FRIDAY 31 MAY Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos, PUZZLES Louisa Byrne [email protected] Crossword Hashi Connect all the islands 3 2 4 2 1 with vertical and hori- 2 53 zontal non-intesecting FUCWIT bridges so that you can 2 4 4 1 get from any island to League Table any other one. There 2 33 can be up to two bridg- 3 5 5 3 1 es between any two INDIVIDUALS Yufan Zhao 21 islands. Each island in- 1 Wael Aljeshi 14 dicates the number of 2 5 7 53 bridges starting from Gabriel Quek 3 it. 42

4 7 75

43 Solutions. Send ‘em. 1 2 1 [email protected].

3 3322 1 2 3 3 0 1 2 1 2 3 3 2 2223 2 3 22 3 1 2 Across 33. Press lightly with absorbent material (3) 1 2 22 2 1 1 3 1. Expressing adverse or disapproving 34. Multiples of three feet (5) judgements (8) 35. Be scattered over an area (6) 2 332 1 2 3 5. Fish often sold in tins (6) 10. Strong, robust, with sexual desire Down 1 2 1 3 3 (5) 11. Writing fluid (3) 1. Element with 20 protons (7) 3 2 1 2 3 12. Amber coloured, protein rich liquid 2. Initiate, bring on (9) (5) 3. Evergreen climbing plant (3) 2 1 1 2 1 2 2 3 13. Part of the circumference of a circle 4. Creature (6) a single closed loop by draw as always: Rules are vertically and horizontally joining the dots so that by the corresponding surrounded are squares numbered number of lines. 3 1 (3) 6. Leave hurriedly and secretly to avoid 2 14. Originating from a nearby country detection (7) 1 2 2 2 2 (5) 7. Scores (5) 16. Suitable (3) 8. Propose a candidate (8) 1 3 3 2 3 17. Mary-Kate and Ashley surname (5) 9. Moving on ice, wheels or board (7) 18. A place to stay (3) 15. Back parts of feet (5) 2 1 3 2 2 1 2 1 2 19. Lacking on quantity or quality (6) 21. Well informed (8) 20. Previously resided (5) 22. Felt bitterness or indignation to- 3 2 221 2 3 22. Violent, uncontrollable anger (4) wards something or someone (8) 24. Game with pawns and knights (5) 23. Liquid waste discharged into a river 2 1 3 2 2 26. Wrongful deception for personal or sea (8) gain (5) 24. A commercial business (7) 28. Someone who attacks in search of 25. Looked quickly but not thoroughly SpecialSlitherlink ‘booty’ (8) (7) 29. Roman goddess of the moon (4) 27. Owe money, negative ﬁ nances (2.4) 30. 2012 ﬁ lm about a bear that comes Sudoku with a twist 3 4 to life (3) 31. Spy, representative (5) 2 6 1 32. Sea movements caused by the moon Fill in the grid with numbers 1-9 (5) such that: 1 9 8 2 a) Each row and column has each of the numbers only once 5 6 Last week’s solutions b) Each bordered set of 9 squares Too busy to send in answers? also has the numbers 1-9 once 2 1

Take a revision break so we feel like we so like a sudoku but a strange shape! aren’t wasting our time here. 9 8 8 3 4 6 4 1 9 5 7

FRIDAY 31 MAY 29 Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos Louisa Byrne PUZZLES [email protected] A special treat for students finished exams

5 1 1 3 5 1 1 5 5 5 1 1 1 5 5 1 3 2 3 3 3 2 2 2 2 6 1 1 2 6 5 1 1 5 6 1 1 1 6 5 1 7 2 3 3 3 1 2 1 1 5 1 1 1 2 9 3 2 3 1 2 7 7 6 6 6 3 1 1 3 1 1 4 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 3 1 1 1 3 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 4 4 1 1 0 1 1 4 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 4 4 1 0 0 1 1 3 2 2 5 5 5 3 2 1 1 1 8 3 1 5 12 2 15 3 12 11 2 2 2 2 3 3 4 4

Nonogram Instructions

The numbers in each row and column tell you how many groups of black squares are in a row or column, as well as how many black squares each group is made up of. Filling in the grid produces a pretty picture, which in turn produces points if you send it in, so get solving! everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 FRIDAY 31 MAY 31

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter [email protected] SPORT Lions Rampant at Polo Nationals ICU Riding and Polo celebrate victory at the Arena Polo Nationals

Alex Savell Riding and Polo Chair my mouth as they took on Portsmouth. Jon’s fl esh than I ever needed to and h is is where my memories start to some cunning individual came up with get hazy. Which, while I would like to the remarkably pretentious idea of the I’d like to say that there is some really blame it on the intervening time, is “Champager Bomb”. Which, for any- good reason for how long this article probably due to the fact that most of one that likes the idea of Champagne has taken to come out. You’d think giv- my cheering time was spent with a pint and Jagermeister tastes absolutely foul en this is my personal highest achieve- in my hand. Despite a few hairy mo- by all accounts. Something about us ment at the Polo Nationals in the last ments when I thought one of my play- means Imperial seem to always have 5 years that I’d have managed to get it ers, Mike, might make an unceremoni- a 9am chukka on Sunday and as such out quickly. But no, life and, more an- ous exit from his pony, Midnight knows the beginners were on relatively good noyingly, work goes on. However, as we his job well and gave Mike the sort of behaviour; the same cannot be said close in on our trip to the summer edi- smooth and forgiving ride he needed for Jon, though he continues to claim tion of the Polo Nationals in early June I and to the sound of one embarrassingly he was actually ill on Sunday not ri- have fi nally managed to sit down (at the loud cheer from me Imperial managed diculously hung over. Still, my team pub) and whip my laptop out antiso- to pull ahead to an early lead. h e chuk- spirit remained more or less intact and cially to write up my hazy recollections ka continued, hard fought and scrappy, I did manage to blearily watch the be- of a cold weekend in February and what with Portsmouth scoring two and Im- ginners starting up this year’s London looks from the outside like an industri- perial managing to increase their tally Derby against ULU. Much as I’d have al estate a little outside of Rugby which to stay in touch. With the game being liked to work up some proper rivalry at is, in fact, a polo ground. only 7 minutes long and 4 goals already 9am slightly hung over it is hard to do Imperial this year managed to beg, scored everything looked set for a draw anything but club together and gener- borrow or steal enough cars so that and then eventually the more confi dent ally cheer everyone on. Our guys put most of us could rock up under our riding of the Portsmouth girls took it’s up a good showing, with even the ULU own steam fairly easily with just one toll and they pulled ahead for a 3-2 vic- spectators admitting that there was a medic having to join us via the train late tory. Never underestimate how good at intentions for having a decent night of tually got through a full round of pen- visible diff erence from them on day 1. on the fi rst day. However, by this stage riding girls from Portsmouth are. drinking in the pub. alties and were still tied, but it was all However, as close as they kept it our our beginners, already irate about pre- I should introduce the rest of the Unfortunately, at this stage my mem- over shortly after with the fi rst penalty beginners went down 2-1 to claim the tournament politics interfering with team. But our number 3 thinks that ories really do get hazy, though I do of sudden death making the diff erence. unfortunate wooden spoon. their fun, had to swallow their anger polo is an embarrassing sport that remember I ate a huge meal that was We were through to the top four. All hope of redeeming ourselves then and hop on ponies sporting their very might get her teased by her friends far too large for any sane person. It did h e Beginners were enjoying a day rested on the Novices and a fi nal with fetching ICU Lions polo shirts kindly for being posh. As a girl who’s favour- give me a chance to get back to the polo off and slowly resolving to enjoy their our training partners and good friends supplied by the Polo Bar at Rydges Ho- ite word (and nickname) is “Shan’t” I on Friday morning. Myself, Jon and Ol- fi nal chukkas no matter what. Takea- Oxford Brookes. Much as in the warm tel Kensington. I should probably point doubt any of her friends were in any ivia were in the prestigious Novice 1 way Chinese and plenty of drinks at up arena we were all happy to crack a out what these “politics” were. Invari- doubt as it was. Marina on the other division and were pretty excited to see our B&B were the order of the evening few jokes with Sophie, Georgie and ably any sport involving horse lovers hand fi nished up the team of three, an- what we could do when we got on. I as we were all a bit knackered for the Saul it was clear that every one of us (a pretty nutty breed of person at the other tiny little blonde girl. “Shan’t” got can’t for the life of me remember who pub. Plenty of banter ensued and while wanted it badly. h e chukka was close, best of times) will bring out the worst off of Cura with some mixed feelings we played in our fi rst round match, I was just about okay the next morn- physical and scrappy; both teams happy in people. And where a slight mixup about the match; many people say that it may have been Portsmouth again, ing I somewhat assume that some of to muscle in and ruin each other’s play with the division entries meant that we 90% of polo is your horse and while I however I do remember the score: 6-0. the others were a little the worse for rather than allow anyone a real chance were relying on another team to do the think at our level things tend to swing We pretty conclusively smashed them wear come Saturday, even if they didn’t to make fl owing runs up and down the decent thing and swap with us. It all back to our incompetence making the into the ground. Jon went on a spree of let on. A match each on Saturday left pitch. Frustration started to set in as a looked sorted for some time until the greatest diff erence it’s true that if you goals and after the fi rst throw in I think the beginners happier with a nil-nil few obvious fouls got missed by the um- president of a large student polo club, and your pony don’t get on you will just they only made it over the half way line draw where they were competitive the pire and with the clock counting down based in the capital and comprising a be out of it with no way to get back. once from a free hit before we were whole way through, yet still not the vic- Brookes were ahead by one. A last foul number of diff erent universities (that Still, with a change sorted for match 2 back after them. Trying hard not to let tors. Perhaps my most fun match of against Jon, adding to his already split- shall remain nameless), kicked up a fuss they headed swiftly out to play again the score line go to our heads we waited the nationals was against Sterling that ting headache, gave us a penalty from and destroyed the whole thing leaving against Warwick (a team with a reputa- for match 2. Against the much more afternoon despite a couple of notably 25 yards and a fi nal chance to level the us stuck in Beginner 1a. Suddenly wor- tion for dominating the Beginner divi- worrying Cambridge team involving dodgey moments. A harsh call against score and we sent it home comfortably ried about the safety of my players in a sions). Again our guys held their own a player well known to us as someone us led to a 2-0 defi cit in the fi rst minute. despite the pressure. group that would include a number of but just couldn’t compete and it was a that has played at the level above… but And Sterling were by no means going So the fi nal eventually came down teams far more confi dent on horseback very disheartened Beginner group that then so have both me and Jon before to let us get it back easily, challenging yet again to penalties and with us up than them I watched with my heart in left the yard that evening, however with now so we were aware we’d have to our goal several more times, stopped fi rst we put the pressure on, putting fi ght hard. once primarily by a player tumbling off yet another against the backboard and h ings did not go well with us start- of his pony practically underneath our laying to rest our demons (the usually ing behind and me at the back having ponies. Still, we were quickly getting unreliable nature of Imperial penal- to fi ght off strong attack after strong at- goals back and my overriding memory ties). Georgie Bolton lined up to try to tack. Jon and Olivia managed to mount of the chukka is a moment galloping equalise. She struck it well but low and plenty of attacks of their own keep- down the pitch where an opponent the ball bobbled slightly to the left, then ing us in contention and winning us a light hearted asked Jon if he would ever slightly more and eventually caught the penalty to keep the scores level. h ese stop appealing for fouls and I had the wall just wide. It took a few seconds to have been our Achilles’ heel in the past time to reply that it seemed extremely realise that these penalties were sud- and my heart was racing as I lined up unlikely. h e match ended 4-2 in our den death before the elation hit and we to take it, my words from a few days favour and the Sterling lads were ex- knew we were taking home a national before ringing in my ears; “I’ve never tremely gracious in their defeat despite championship title. Alongside a pretty scored a penalty in an arena match mutterings before the match about our hefty trophy Jon managed to pick up before”. h e match ended 3 apiece and team being ‘unfair’. the Novice MVP award and we all went dread set in as we realised we were go- h e penultimate night of any given home on a high. Time now for the sum- ing to be penalties for the match and polo tournament is usually a fairly mer version playing on grass and hope- Jon and Olivia both agreed that I would messy players party. And this Saturday fully a tournament that isn’t quite so be up fi rst. If I recall correctly we ac- was no diff erent. I think I saw more of cold and wet! 31/05/13 Issue 1549 felixonline.co.uk @SportFelix

SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” Fellwanderers Chill Out for Easter Fellwanderers Easter Tour to the Snowy Scottish Highlands

Fellwanderers President h e Bothy (constructed ‘on a budg- Jack Redvers Harris et’ with solid stone walls and a mea- gre hardwood ceiling beneath sheet metal to ensure effi cient heat loss) We set off bright and early from Im- nestles itself on the shores of Little perial College Union meeting at 7am Loch Broom, in the wee village of on Saturday 23rd March 2013. Fifteen Badrallach, which was comfortably Fellwanderers packed into the mini- enjoying a sub-zero yet sunny and bus with all their kit secured on the dry climate. roof and tents, gas stoves, ice axes, Sunday morning we rose early the beast pot and more as well. After a munching granola and drinking tea, lengthy stop in North London to fi ght with a tantalising view of the snow with a tyre infl ating compressed air capped An Tealach massif across machine we sped up the M1 – which the Loch basking in sun. We walked had enough snow to convince us we from the Bothy climbing the ridge were already in Scotland – and on to immediately behind us which formed the M6, stopping at Birmingham for a a peninsula spiking towards the At- greasy spoon fried breakfast. Passing lantic ocean. We summited both the Peaks and Lakes we soon crossed Cnoc a’ Bhaid-rallach (544m) and the border and stopped for a break at Beinn Ghobhlach (635m), escaping Gretna Green village, stocking up at the harsh winds to enjoy a sandwich the Cadbury factory outlet store. h e picnic huddled between some rocks. journey continued between the tower We strolled down to Scoraig Village, blocks and industrial sprawl of Glas- which is accessed by boat across the gow up to the beautiful Loch Lomond Loch (no road); some 50 people live and beyond into the Highlands. As the there, with well-drawn water, elec- gale force side-winds lashed the bus tricity from windmills, and neat lit- we were all speechless, either from the tle houses where phone and TV sig- beautiful scenery or the ruined van nals do not reach… a real contrast to and coach that had seemingly been London. We wandered back around ripped from the road and rolled into the coast to our new home for a slice the frozen lake to our side. To ease the of Hello Kitty cake and then a clas- journey we fi lled the bus with a half sic cheesy chorizo pasta meal with fi re kept us happy. After hot showers Firth suspension bridge and picking traditional Scottish dinner of Haggis week’s food and continued under the a few beers. h ere was a good sized it was time for bed, where two sleep- up some shopping in the bleak city of with potato mash and swede was had veil of darkness, blissfully ignorant of table and chairs to eat around but we ing bags was the only way to keep Inverness. Others took a walk from in the evening, with many an ale and the perilous conditions outside, arriv- were a bit cosy with 15 squeezed in, warm! nr. Loch a Bhrucin (on A832) up to cheesecake for dessert. ing safe and sound at 11.45pm. though the comfy sofa and roaring Monday we were hungry to en- Meall a’ Chrasgaidh (934m Munro) Friday we woke at 5am to pack ter the mountains, hiking from Ca- and Carn na Criche (961m tour and leave at 7am, driving over three musnagul up to Glas Mheall Mor high point), with spectacular views hours North along “A roads” which (979m Munro Top) with a snowy of Sgurr nan Clach Gaela (1093m), consisted of single-track roads with scramble to the summit, then epic before heading back down via Coire occasional passing places, to reach views to the spikes of the Munros Breabig after bailing on Sgurr Mor Ben Hope, the most Northerly Mun- beyond. We crossed the valley before (1108m) summit attempt. h e mini- ro. We eagerly marched from sea heading up Sail Mhor (767m) with bus journey back passed by many level up the long ride to summit Ben panoramic views of the mountains wild peat fi res, caused by the strong Hope (927m Munro), before white- behind and the islands and sea in sun and dry conditions, with fl ames out set in and we found our way back front. h ai green stir-fry and cherry and smoke fi lling the valley. A deli- down the snow to the sunny valley, pie for dinner. Tuesday we journeyed cious pork and dumplings meal was before bundling back in the minibus inland to Iverlael Bridge (on A835) prepared with trifl e for dessert over for a long journey home. We left the climbing the snowy ridge up to the which many tales of old where told. valley at 4pm, stopped for dinner in white-out that was Eididh nan Clach h ursday we enjoyed a hearty fry- Perth at 8pm and returned to Lon- Geala (927m Munro), slowly picking up breakfast, fuelling folks with en- don for 7am. our way down the icy decent we had ergy. One group climbed from Tor- lunch by the frozen fords and then ran Dubh (on A835) up to Beinn MAPS retreated down the valley via Loch Liath Mhor Fannich (954m Munro) Day 1-2: OS Explorer 435 An Teal- an Chnapalch. A delicious beef curry via Creag Dhubh Fannich, return- lach and Slioch with rice and naan was prepared at ing via Beinn Laith Bhearg (664m). the bothy and much fun was had. Meanwhile another group undertook Day 3-5: OS Explorer 436 Beinn Wednesday was a rest day for most, an epic journey passing the back of Dearg and Loch Fannich (Ul- some basked in the sun with books An Tealach down to the shores of lapool) at the bothy, others made a tour of Loch na Sealga and back. After a the highlands, visiting gorges, water- brisk dip in the icy sea loch and a Day 6: OS Explorer Ben Hope falls, distilleries, the glorious Morray spot of tea and cake at the bothy, a