Tasstimes-Paper

: Hometown Dogwonder Wins 6th Consecutive A very strange but lovable Tonetown own somewhere. tor from another parasphere. visitor; who calls himself Gramps, has He was reported last seen around "He was just a great guy," said Ultra Journalism recently disappeared. moonup, June 26, with real estate Stelgad, manager o ~ the Daglets, as she Gramps was one of the only visitors magnate, Franklin Snarl. ruffled the soft gre n feathers in her who, in spite of his untass apparel, was "It seemed he was resisting some," intense pink hair. Award well accepted in Tonetown. .. said one witness who wished to be "He was the on ~ who gave us the Tonetown's own Enn io, better known .- After visiting with several of Tone unnamed. great idea for the iagtone, our ultra as "The Legend," has done it again. town's most prominent citizens, like But Snarl denies these reports. "I touch new instrument that's helped He's won the lnter-Moonal Ultra Jour Stelgad of the Daglets, Flo of Flo's Party never heard of the guy! " Snarl insisted. our new tune, "lass,' hit the top," she nalism Award forthesixthyearina row. Supplies and Nuyu, editor of the Times, Other citizens, however; have given added enthusiastic lly. This year the canny canine snapped Gramps evidently wandered off on his glowing reports of the strange old visi - Co tinuedonPage4 up the prize with his investigative arti cle about intra-dimensional travel through a new invention called "The Hoop.'' At great risk to his health, Ennio Enniogranted us the following inter actually traveled through the hoop and view as he typed up some of the stories back again to gain first-hand knowl you see in this issue. Pets or Wetlands Myst ry! edge of the device. His article, "HOOP TAKES USERS FOR A LOOP THROUGH Interview with Ennio TIME AND SPACE," was published in Pests? Tonetown travelers disappear in the TT: What is it that makes you such a the April 15 issue of the Tonetown great reporter; Ennio? vicinity of the Wetlands l Times. The furor over the Blobpets ENNIO: My nose. Having a dog's rages as many citizens find Ennio was born and raised right here in Tonetown. His firstjob was as nose is a real boon-that's two O's themselves rugless pup reporter for the Campus Clutter in this biz. whileattending the Luna Quatroversity TT: With the kind of credentials you "It bums me up," says Nessie Loch, in Tassly. After graduating he landed a have now. Ennio, it seems you could recent blobpet purchaser. 'They're cute, position as a feature writer for the just about write your ticket to any but tough to housebreak." '/assly Daily, where he worked for 76 where. Why do you stay here in Many other blobpet owners share moonal periods. Tonetown? Loch' frustratiom .. Bre d for th ir bur But eventuallv-and fortunatelv for ENN/n: As I've said. mu hnme is Loch'::. ~- ----- r- - ·frustrations. Bred for their bur Buleventually-and fortunately for I;NNIO: As I've said, my home is rowing abilities by Franklin Snarl. blob us- he returned to Tonetown as a re here. My heart is here. And besides, pets can dig a hole in surfaces as hard porter forthe Times, and started raking there are very few places as tass as as wood and linoleum at the rate of in the awards. Tonetown. Even 'lassty, with the 1118 cubic centimeters per tock. "My heart is really in it here," he Quatroversity and all, did not have the says. " because your heart is where your excitement you find in 1bnetown. home is." Continued on Page 4 Search party feared lost too Two local couples. out for a roman in the Wetlands, even with the seven tic stroll in the Wetlands, vanished re moons. a search party was sent out as cently. And now search efforts have soon as dawn broke the next morning. bogged down. too. But now, over 24 hours later, they too Jonboi Waltune Gets Walking It was just two evenings ago. accord have not returned. ing to witnesses. that the two townsomes "We've had mysteries in the Wetlands Papers-Fuddy Appearance Cited went Wetlandish-and never returned. before," says Chief Fireweather. "But "They said they craved a walk to the they've always been solved in a day or Erstwhile Tonetown eyesore Jonboi with someone else's name on one hip Wetlands. but they'd be back for another so. We know there's some curious crea Waltune, cited for aggravated toneless pocket." Fizzie," said Wendy Wando, a wait tures living out there. But they're usu ness, left town quietly last night. Sore Chaz offered to give the Jonboi a Unlike former pet-types like doggies ress at Fast Freddies. "Only they never ally quite shy and don't bother travelers." eyed locals did not regret his departure. jumpsuit by TroppoWe.ar from Down and catties, blob pets don't shed or leave came back." Officials are debating whether to risk "Hejustcouldn'tgeta take on what's Under. But Waltune said he wouldn't untass puddles on floors and sidewalks. Wendy reported the group missing sending another search party or to wait tass," said celebrated bodystylist Chaz , take hand-outs. This is why many pet fanciers were when the Fizzies she had waiting for another day to see if yesterday's volun "no matter what he did. He wore the So he was asked to leave. Tonetown originally drawn to blobpets. them finally lost their bubbles. teers. or the original four travelers. most untone shirts with ugly little em just couldn't tolerate such sartorial litter. But the evidence mounts that blob Since you can't see a thing at night return. blems on them and blue scrub pants pet owners face even bigger problems than owners of traditional pets. One 11 1 1 111' 1111 ' 111" I il1'w11111 ' '" I' '1l1 11"1 I blobpetter has reported a hole in his I1:1 II 1' I 11111 I I I 11 111 Ill 111 I I 111 11111 11'1111 11 I I ' 1"' I ,, I hearth so deep it's hitan underground 1 11 1 1111 I 1 ' I I I stream. On the positive side. however. Ill 'I ' I I I I I I OOH FEARED an unnamed source from out past the Wetlands- now one of the reclusive Franklin Snarl doggies, catties, and guppies." rich -says his blobpet actually struck Rumor has it that Snarl is currently oil. Purchases Choice In negotiating with Fast Freddie for his You wanna talk filthy lucre? Blobpets town Sites For Project ultra-tone fabu-club. However, Fast range from 5-20 P., depending on size, Freddie issued an emphatic denial. co lor. and personality. ofSnarl Construction "I'm not selling out," claimed Fred Some tips on care and feeding: the Corporation die. "We were just having a ... lunch, best place to keep a blobpet is on a yeah, that's it! Lunch! We just had concrete surface-that may help curb "Location. Location. Location," lunch." its burrowing tendencies. Franklin Snarl is quoted as saying. Concerned citizens fear a takeover Continuous feedings are just about "That's everything in real estate." by Snarl. Will it destroy the tassness the only way to keep blobpets from And "everything," it appears, is just they have worked so hard to build here excavating your house and yard. They'll what Franklin Snarl seems to want. In on the outer edge? A meeting has been eatjustaboutanything, but their favor addition to his recent acquisition of scheduled for the second eve of the ite snecks are aluminum, rubber, petro five downtown blocks-the absolutely Poo Pea Pet shop (pets and all) from fingering her bulging handbag. "But triangular moon, at the Tonetown Tuv leum by-products, and banana wax most tass section ofTonetown - Frank Madam Doople. the funny thing is, I just can't figure out ema. to discuss possible action. peppers. lin Snarl has also purchased the former "He made me an offer," said Doople, what he did with all those cute little Watch this space for details. 2 Tonetown Times Wednesday July 78, 1986 From the ____;,_ ___Daily Horror Scope _______ Aries-The Beam in your Triangular careful. You look chewy in the massive SagiUarius -Archers love arrows. but Moon is quite unstable. Avoid the Wet jaws of a Crocogator. beware of lightning bolts. Especially EDITOR's lands. Someone-or something when your planets dance in the chevron Virgo - Your Planetary Keeper strikes a wants to douse your fire. discordant note with your House of Tone. formation. DESK 'lllurus-With the Horse in your Seventh Hope not to meet a large, strange, Capricorn-Animal lovers. be careful Star, beware of ferocious dogs with giant unfriendly animal in a scary place. this time of the moon. There's a weak teeth. They'll try to chomp your horns off. Libra-With your Air Planets conjunct link in your planetary thread. Gemini-Your House of Twin Moons in the House of Infinity, don't step off Aquarius-Always the adventurer, ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• is vacant today. ot a good time to any cliffs. Or does falling headlong you're willing to try anything. But purchase pets. Especially blobpets. And into a bottomless nothingness appeal remember: If you loop through a hoop Stay on the path. especially if you own linoleum. to you? let and enter another parashere, you Preserve our woody life. Cancer-Your moon has declined into Scotpio-Swimming is aquatone for might never return. the watery House of Tidal Quickmud.

Load more