“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1510 FELIX 10.02.12 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949

Felix Business talks to Felix Film meets actor FT Science Editor Clive Viggo Mortensen:

INTERVIEWS Cookson: Page 16 Page 28

Alexander Karapetian Holland Club change on MUSIC Sophiathe David cards Nicolas Jaar takes on the Roundhouse Page 25

FASHION Union support postgraduate renovation as proposed Feasibility Study plans emerge for Holland Club. Committee concerned about College communication

Matthew Colvin ning of the establishment. be exclusive to either staff or students. furniture down stairs and a general The plans, which have not yet been The Holland Club committee met tidy up and improved disabled access Remembering the Potential plans for a proposed renova- confi rmed, propose a signifi cant on Monday with Project Director Jane which I think could be done quite eas- tion of the Holland Club have been change in layout to the current Hol- Neary, the project champion Stephen ily and a lot more cost effective.” designers provided as part of the area’s ongo- land Club, with the plans document- Richardson, Dan Curtis senior project The Committee has also expressed ing feasibility study this week. The ing a transformation of the staff bar manager, along with representatives its dismay over the date of a meeting Page 29 Holland Club Committee has voiced into a ‘café bar’, ‘bar extension’ and from Imperial College Union where of the Portfolio Review Board (PRB) its disapproval over what it considers ‘cellar pub’. According to the plans, the plans were presented. Following – which oversees projects in Build- to be a lack of communication from this would allow for an increase in the meeting, Manager of the Holland ings, ICT and Facilities Management those in charge of the study, while Im- room space from the current 193.9m2 Club, Kevin Young told Felix that: – being brought forward from the sec- perial College Union President Scott of the Holland Club bar to 349.2m2 “We could quite easily provide the ond quarter of 2012 to February 24. Heath has stated his desire to consider for the three additions. There has not, services they are asking for with our At this meeting the results of the fea- GAMES the views of students under any po- however, been any indication as to present setup, we just need to invest sibility study will be reviewed. tential changes to the set-up and run- whether the proposed spaces would in some paint and catering equipment, ...Continued on Page 4 TEMPORARY HALLS IN WATERLOO AND ELEPHANT & CASTLE CONSIDERED A step back in time for Total Annihilation Refurbishment an option for Wilson House next year: Page 3 Page 30 2 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS What’s on RAG Jailbreak Bust out of Imperial and escape CLASSIFIEDS Gas permeation in high INNOVATIVE WEB START-UP IS NOW RECRUIT- endless memes ING STUDENTS (paid part-time internship, fl exible flux membranes versus hours/duration, starting 20th February 2012 at IC thick glassy polymer films campus) Youny is a start-up venture led by two recent graduates with entrepreneurial drive. Our mission Professor Donald Paul, University of Texas at Aus- is to launch an innovative web-platform specifi cally tin, talks about his gas in this Chemical Engineer- designed for university students to post/answer ing seminar. This lecture will be about making course or topic specifi c questions to peers across fi lms that are “bare thin” (20nm!) and characteriz- universities and academic years. ing their behaviour by various spectroscopy. Don’t We are looking for one enthusiastic student/pro- worry, tea and coffee will be served from 15.30 in fessional, with offl ine and online marketing expe- the walkway outside Lecture Theatre 1. rience/skills, passionate about start ups, to plan and organise the launch and promotion of Youny at IC, LSE, UCL and KCL. Lecture Theatre 1, If you don’t want to miss the opportunity of chal- lenging yourself, being part of a passionate team of Chemical Engineering, forward-thinkers, email your CV to [email protected] 15 February 16:00-17:00 The deadline for applying is the 15th February. For more details http://db.tt/XSSV4ls5 Lunchtime Concert Sean Bean, the only redeeming feature Alvin (not a chipmunk) Lolcat of teh week Molsey will be playing the piano like a full on bad- man/pianist. Clothes op- Amidst all the excitement over Imperial tional, enjoyment not. Contact a.robins@impe- Memes (has it ended yet?) RAG have rial.ac.uk for more infor- mation. something exciting planned for you lucky, Read Theatre , level 5 Sherfield lucky people. RAG Jailbreak returns! South Kensington Campus, All you need to do is get as far away from 07 February 13:00-13:45 campus as possible in 18 hours, get a photo of yourself holding a copy of Felix The Magic of Medicine wherever you end up and make it back in Speakers from Imperial, Warwick and industry talk time for Monday lectures. about how close we are to personalised medicine that is linked to our genomes. They discuss how All this without spending any money in the genetically modifi ed humanised mice can help im- prove the drug making process (as in, by studying process. It’s the most fun you can have in them, not that they’ve made Pinky and the Brain). Book a free place by calling the Dana Centre. a weekend (citation needed), and a great Dana Centre, Queen’s Road opportunity for a free holiday – not to South Kensington Campus, mention something to do over the weekend. 07 February 19:00-21:00 Editor

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2012.

Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alex Nowbar Features Editors Katy Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editors Indy Leclercq Sports Rookies Gabriel Oppetit Johnny Wong Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Business Editors Beñat Gurrutxaga Lerma Nina Kearsey Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Mark England Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Alex Ramadan Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors Matt Allinson James Simpson Film Editors John Park Lucy Wiles Games Editor Laurence Pope Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Chris Birkett Philip Kent Jonathan Kim Kadhim Shubber Puzzles Captain James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Veli Akiner Carol Ann Cheah Iulia Gherman Philip Kent Jonathan Peek Annina Sartor FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 3 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS Wilson review could lead to rehousing

Alex Nowbar cilities and the use of space, which will curred regarding the ratio of kitchens is closed for a period of refurbishment The possible plans to temporarily increase the number of bed spaces and to bedspaces issue, claiming a lack of the College will need to fi nd an addition- close Wilson House, one of Imperial There is uncertainty about the future of improve the current ratio of kitchens and fridge and freezer space per student and al 270 bedspaces to temporarily replace College’s notoriously affordable halls halls of residence, Wilson House, this bathrooms to bedspaces.” According to a number of broken ovens. the Wilson House rooms and is look- (with fees currently from £104.08 per week as it is scrutinized for feasibility. the College spokesperson, the timeline However, refurbishment could po- ing for other suitable accommodation week for a single room), while works Due in the coming weeks, the report of for the refurbishment will be fi nalised tentially cause disruption to students. options to serve this purpose.” Wilson are carried out, come following a series an on-going feasibility study will help pending the results of the feasibility Among the options that have been con- House’s warden, Dr Bluck comments, of high-profi le moves relating to Impe- determine if and when Wilson House study. Some students, particularly cur- sidered in the case of temporary closure, “Should closure of Wilson be required rial College accommodation provision will be closed for refurbishment, po- rent and previous inhabitants of Wilson it has been suggested that students could (whenever that may be), other halls involving halls such as Griffon Studios tentially during the next academic year House, have stated their belief that the be rehoused in the Elephant & Castle would likely be needed temporarily, in (with fees from £235 per week for a sin- (2012-2013). hall is in dire need of refurbishment, or Waterloo area, with representatives order to meet the guarantee we make gle studio), Fisher Hall, and Clayponds A College spokesperson commented with particular mention to the kitchens, from Imperial College Union having a to 1st year undergraduates. In addition Village. that the feasibility study was commis- bathrooms and common room, along- visit to view accommodation in the area to the Wilson issue, there are other de- Considering the genuine need for re- sioned by the College Portfolio Review side motions to solve central heating scheduled. The College spokesperson mands arising indirectly from the clo- furbishment, one could speculate that Board to look at “the possibility of re- break downs in winter and overheating stated in response to the possibility of a sure of Clayponds. In either case, appro- the Wilson refurbishments are likely furbishing Wilson House to improve fa- in summer. Students have also con- move, “In the event that Wilson House priate replacement capacity would need to take place, at the very least causing to be found and the College is looking at students to be temporarily displaced to a number of options.” alternative accommodation.

“Imperial has an exceptional achieve- ment of Athena SWAN awards”

Wilson House is one of Imperial’s most affordable halls

Dawn on the Horizons Sponsored Editorial

Jonathan Peek develop team working skills and ex- Change (IPCC) report both of which More student cuts plore the topic from other viewpoints. made headlines around the world. Monday 23 saw the start of the Hori- The opening lecture was presented Concluding with a thought provoking zons program, an experimental scheme by Professor Sir Brian Hoskins, Direc- slide on why trying to take any action Discount haircuts for Imperial that sees 200 undergraduates from de- tor of Imperial’s own Grantham insti- about climate change runs in to diffi - partments across the college meeting tute for Climate Change and member culty, the lecture was a good summary for a series of lectures and tutorials of the UK’s Committee on Climate of the underlying issues of climate students at Fresh Hairdressers over the next 8 weeks. Using the topic Change: the committee tasked with change and was a good opening to the of climate change, the program aims advising the Government on how it scheme. to develop participants’ awareness can meet the 80% cuts in CO2 emis- The lecture was followed by a tu- More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, of how scientifi c issues and debates sions by 2050 set out in the Climate torial that gave the Undergraduates a students at South Kensington’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a can have wide reaching impacts on Change Bill in November 2008. The chance to start exploring what policies FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your an international scale: from affecting lecture presented an overview of the the Government should be bringing Men’s cuts £22 Imperial ID. policy making in Governments to new topic of Climate changing touching on into effect to help stop climate change. Women’s shampoo and cut technology in people’s homes. early work on the Green House gases Discussions as to why people were and shake dry £28 The pilot scheme is using the topic dating back to early 1800’s though to taking part in the program was more Women’s shampoo, cut and of Climate Change as the basis for our current understanding of the driv- that people were interested in Climate blow-dry £38 the lectures and discussion with the ing principals behind climate change. change than the opportunity to devel- All of our cuts are done by view that if the scheme is repeated Taking in the developments to how op their professional skills, with a lot highly experienced stylists. other topics such as food security and we now study changes in the climate, of emphasis on the actual science be- Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to changings in the global population be- what climate models are currently hind the headlines in the media. 4.30 (sorry no discounts on ing used instead. Supporting the series predicting, and some of the contro- With the next lecture being present- Saturdays). of lectures by leading experts in fi elds versies that surround Climate change ed by leading fi gures in the Media the We are only 70 metres from relating to climate change is a number –the ‘Climate Gate’ scandal based on program looks set to hit its targets of South Kensington tube station of tutorial sessions where undergradu- emails leak from the Climate research giving Undergraduates the chance to ate from all the different departments Unit and the ‘errors’ in the 2006 In- look at Climate Change from a range of the college can discuss ideas raised, tergovernmental Panel on Climate of viewpoints. 4 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar NEWS [email protected] In Brief Holland Club panel to be held Registration opens for TEDx ‘No guarantee’ over proposed fl oor plans Ticket prices for TEDxImperialCollege have been revealed as registration opens today. Tickets for students will be £10, while all others will pay £25. ...Continued from Front Page turn frees them up for club activity. The new It has also emerged that Google is to be the main Imperial College Union President Scott space would fi t one and a half times the Hol- sponsor of the event. Heath emphasised that he was open to discuss land Club in its current layout.” The organisers have stressed that registration the plans in whatever form they will eventually Heath stated his hope that any new space doesn’t guarantee a ticket. “Registering means take, telling Felix that “there is no guarantee would provide a “common room space for you’ll get advance notice of when ticket sales of what the space will become. If it ultimately taught postgraduates, who are excluded from open. If you haven’t registered, you won’t be able becomes a postgraduate space, we will want the Senior Common Room and may feel un- to buy a ticket”, said organiser Kadhim Shubber. to see that postgraduate students are repre- comfortable in the Holland Club.” He declined to specify when ticketing would open, sented.” “It’s to everyone’s benefi t that we get [any but hinted it would be around the end of February, change to the Holland Club] right. There’s no and beginning of March. benefi t to getting rid of a social facility and re- So far only 5 of the speakers have been revealed. “There’s no benefi t to placing it with nothing.” These include John Graham-Cumming, the man be- The Graduate Students’ Assocation will be hind Plan 28, a project to build Charles Babbage’s getting rid of a social holding an open panel next Thursday (Febru- Analytical Machine for the first time; and Andrew facility and replacing it ary 16) at 6pm for a discussion on the future of Shoben, founder of greyworld, a group of artists both the Holland Club and Clayponds, where that create large-scale public art – most notably with nothing” the Union President will be in attendance The Source at the London Stock Exchange. “We’ll along with Mr Young. The proposed fl oor be revealing the other speakers one-by-one in the plans will be made available at the meeting, coming weeks,” said Kadhim Shubber. “I see lots of advantages with the proposed and Heath hopes to launch a survey to deter- TEDxImperialCollege will be held on March 24 in changes. One is disability access, and the sec- mine what students would like to space to be- the Great Hall. ond is huge fl exibility with the room. In addi- come should changes come into action, includ- Matthew Colvin tion there is a potential for food service, which ing such choices as a café bar or a “common The Holland Club is named after Sir Thomas Holland, former Rector frees up the Queen’s Tower Rooms, which in room space”.

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24th March Sponsored by 6 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX Features Editors: Katy Bettany Stephen Smith FEATURE [email protected] Say hello to soya milk, we’re Going Vegan Clare Cheng and Hannah Cox on why animals are safe for a month thanks to the MS Trust

magine living life without the the biggest challenge; she’s been bang- for the two of us we know we can do is a charity that provides information But this month of veganism won’t fl avour of a juicy hamburger, a ing on for weeks about how she can’t it because it’s not just for us; it’s for the and education for the worried, training have to be hell. We’re going to explore quick sushi snack, cheese grated stand the taste of soya milk in her tea people out there who suffer from mul- for professionals, and funding for re- all the possibilities and make the mea- on top of a big bowl of spaghetti and is actually considering abandon- tiple sclerosis. search into new treatments. As we all gre diet of a vegan into a delectable bolognese or even milk in your ing her daily English Breakfasts all to- Multiple sclerosis (MS) is the most know, funding is the key to any success- variety of satisfying meals – well we’re coffee.I Throughout our lives, we’ve gether. common neurological condition affect- ful research – without the funding the going to have a good go at it anyway. boasted of loving the uninhibited taste ing people of our age. The neurons of research doesn’t happen. As a good luck present Clare has been of all foods. We love to challenge our- the central nervous system are attacked bought a vegan cookbook and we’re re- selves when it comes to our grub, eating “All we can think by their own immune system, damag- ally excited to open it up and get started. basically anything that’s put in front of about is how we can ing the myelin and eventually the axons “This month of veg- So over the next month starting from us. But we think we’re about to under- themselves. The effects are extensive the 20th of February to the 20th of take the hardest challenge yet when it fi t in our last steak” and depend upon the degree of neuron anism won’t have to March we’re going to be writing weekly comes to food. We’re taking the plunge damage, and include emotional effects, updates on our progress in Felix’s Food and giving up all the foodstuffs we love such as depression and anxiety; cogni- be hell” Section. We’ll be including our favou- so dearly for the Multiple Sclerosis tive effects, such as forgetting recent rite recipes that we’ve tried and tested, Trust: we’re going vegan. For Clare, news of the challenge has events; and physical effects, which af- where to get your best vegan groceries Already as we write this we are regret- been met with incredulity, many dis- fect the entire body. Individuals with For Hannah, this is also a very per- from, vegan restaurants that do some ting undertaking this challenge. It’s now believing that she would make even MS can have problems with their vision, sonal challenge, having several family good nosh, and the latest activities we’ve ten days until we will have to ditch the a week. Reactions on Facebook have balance, bladder control and movement, and personal friends who suffer with been up to to raise awareness for our frozen prawns and pizza in the freezer been mixed, with one friend threatening and in some cases they can become se- MS. We’ve raised £215 already and we campaign. Please support the MS Trust and all we can think about is how we to “wave a juicy steak” in her face (good verely and rapidly disabled. haven’t even started yet – proving that and sponsor us on Virgin Money Giving can fi t in our last steak from Gauchos on to know you can count on the support The cause is still unknown and there there are people out there who think we at http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ Sloane Avenue. Tea, for Hannah, will be of friends in times of hardship!). But is no cure. The Multiple Sclerosis Trust can do it! team/goingvegan.

WILKINSON – GABOR – LINSTEAD EASTSIDE HALL SENIOR POSITIONS 2012-13

The wardening teams are looking for enthusiastic people to be part of the Eastside Halls senior teams for 2012-2013

For more information, contact [email protected] APPLY NOW – DEADLINE FRIDAY 24TH FEBRUARY Application forms can be downloaded from http://www.eastsidehalls.org/ or obtained from the Student Hub in Sherfield Level 3 Nick Bright

Friday 17 February 20:00 - 02:00 Only Drink Offers House spirit & mixer – £2.20 £3.50 from 20:00 Vodka Redbull – £3.00 Free entry before 20:00 in Metric Jägerbomb – £3.30 Drinks From 20:00 Offers in Metric Wednesday nights Stella 4% £2.00 Tonight! One to watch Boddingtons £2.00 Friday nights Friday 10 February House spirit & £2.20 20:00 - 02:00 mixer Only Vodka Redbull £3.00 Jägerbomb £3.30 £3.50 Free entry before 20:00 imperialcollegeunion.org/metric 1./2   

                        !  "  #$ % &&'(  $ )*  +,  ) +-    .// ))  0!$$0             FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 9 Features Editors: Katy Bettany Stephen Smith [email protected] FEATURE Offermation for the nation Tim Arbabzadah catches up with comedian Chris Ramsey about his latest tour, while giving you a master class in how to ask long, rambling and non-concise questions...

Tim: We’re a student newspaper and le. No matter what the words are it can C: Yeah, I thought of something when you went to university as I infer from either be an insult, a funny comment, I was fi rst starting out. I thought of like the fact that you were in the Chor- a comment on something you’ve done, 3 heckle putdowns in a row that were tle Student Comedian of the Year or it can be sarcastic, or it can some- about someone’s mum that were this Awards 2008? times be complimentary, which is al- full little routine thing. I did it on stage Chris: Yes, very well done, fucking ways weird. and this guy came up and he went ‘oh Sherlock lives on. Yeah I was at Sun- erm that’s on Jimmy Carr’s DVD”. I derland Uni, which is not really any- T: I wouldn’t know how to reply to was like ah shit. He said go on You- thing to brag about, but I was only do- that. I guess just thank you, okay, Tube and it was fucking word for word ing Film and Media. But yeah I packed I’m going to get back to my material what I’d written – I was devastated. in half way through my fi nal year and now. I’ve never stolen material and I never ended up doing stand up. I’d done the C: Yeah a few times a girl’s shouted would steal material. I think it’s just fi rst paragraph of my dissertation and I “you’re fi t” and I’ve been like “that the worst crime in comedy. There are went ah fuck this and just stopped. is not relevant at all, shut up, do you some people who keep doing it as well. know what I mean? First of all, don’t I know a comic who did a routine and T: Now that your friends know that heckle compliments cause it just you go “such and such has been doing you’re a stand-up comedian, do you throws us off. I’d rather you called me that for years” and they go “yeah, well, feel pressured to be funny in normal a cunt, if you can believe that. It has I thought of it, I didn’t copy off them, conversations? got no relevance to the performance, so I’ll keep doing it” and it’s like well C: I’ll tell you what, this is genuinely just shut up. you can’t do that. true, beware right, because if you end If you started writing a book and up doing a bit of stand up, once you T: (laughs) I don’t know, to be hon- someone said: “oh by the way mate, are a stand up comic, you are no lon- est, maybe you should have tried to Charles Dickens wrote that years ago ger the funniest one in your group of get her number after that? about Christmas. It’s exactly the same mates. It’s fucking weird. It’s really C: (laughs) Nah: they’re normally nut- as the one you’ve written” and you go bizarre. If you start being really funny ters. If you’re shouting out “you’re “well I thought of it, I’m going to keep with them, everyone just goes: “alright fi t” to a boy on stage at a comedy club writing it”. No-one’s going to fucking mate you’re not on stage now”. It’s just you’re not normal are you? buy it are they. David Johnston’s A really strange, I can’t explain it. Christmas Carol. With my friends when they’re all T: I think that’s probably the female taking the mick out of each other and equivalent of beeping your horn T: Have you got a writing process? That’s right, it’s a totally unnecessary, time consuming, Photoshop. MSci project? What’s that? I hope my supervisor doesn’t see this having a laugh; I always come in far when you see someone attractive Do you sit down at a laptop, or just too strong and ruin it, like I come in walking across the road. randomly think of stuff? with an awful, horrible insult. It’s just C: Exactly, or hanging out of a white C: No I haven’t got one at all. Some really weird – your barometer totally van going “get your tits out love”. comics can sit down and click away have had a starring role then. but, what’s that doing to the smaller changes. but I can’t do it. If something tickles C: Actually, don’t think it was 5, think clubs? A lot of people are saying that T: Do you have sort of set responses my fancy, I do it in sort of really short, I was 7. It’s not a very big point, but it happened in America: apparently T: Do you think that now that you’re to them? As in, if someone says this sharp, bursts and then work most of it that’s two years of serious maturity of the smaller clubs just died out and all known, when people see you on stage about my hair I’m going to say this? out while I’m on stage. So I just do it my acting career from 5 to 7. the touring comics took over. I’ve got they actively try to heckle as they C: Yeah well fi rst of all it will depend on the fl y really. I can’t sit and write a to say I’m glad I’m on tour, but really think: “Right, I’m getting one over on what they look like. A lovely little full routine; if I do I just end up not be- T: Those were your Brando years hope that doesn’t happen. on him”? trick I like to do, if I’m doing my own ing able to remember it. when you were getting your method C: They can try. I did Manchester show and someone heckles from the acting on. Is acting weird compared T: When was your fi rst show? Do you Comedy Store on Saturday Night, I did back, I go: “Alright you’re just heck- T: A lot of comedians nowadays go to comedy because you’re saying remember it? the late show and it was just 20 minutes ling there from the back in the darkness into acting. Are you thinking of do- someone else’s words? C: Yeah it was mad actually. There was of heckles and 20 minutes of me just and I want to see you… house lights ing that? Any TV shows you’d like C: Yeah, it’s really weird. I’d never a ferry from Newcastle to Amsterdam. slamming into everyone who opened up” and then the sound man to do? done it and I felt like I couldn’t do it. I was on it with my mates and there was their fucking mouth, was good fun. will put all the fucking C: Yeah, there’s one on the horizon ac- Then people are going “no you’re good an entertainer, like a comedian, on the lights on and they just tually, but it hasn’t been offi cially an- at this” and I just thought they were stage and he was doing alright. It was T: I’m guessing you’re very sit there shitting their nounced yet so I can’t say anything. lying. Every time they were saying a little bit sort of juggly and kind of calm and aren’t going to be pants. They just didn’t you’re good at this, I was holding eye stuff like that bit more family friendly. fazed. even think I had the T: Have you ever done any acting or contact for a bit too long to see if they He had what was either some kind of C: Yeah essentially, I mean there power to do that. I love is it just you’re a comedian so you looked away. stroke, or a heart attack, and he sort of are still heckles that can getting house lights on, it thought “meh, might as well give it keeled over. My mate was a medical throw you off, but really levels the playing a go”? T: Do you think the state of comedy student and looked after him for a bit. I you get to a point fi eld – it’s great. C: The particular thing in question, nowadays is healthy? picked up the mic to put it back in the man where every- there was a thing in Manchester called C: For someone at my level and up- stand and I ended up saying something thing they can T: Have you ever had the sitcom trial. We had to do a big live wards it’s healthy. I think it’s going to to someone, and just started messing shout out is the a joke or routine that run through of the sitcom – like a play. start getting harder for new people to about, and before I knew it I’d done 40 same. There you’ve said that some- We did it all in one go in front of a live start breaking through. I’m lucky that minutes of this routine, just impromptu are only a few one’s either stolen, or audience and it was mad to do. That I broke through when I did. I hope the on this boat. The guy died and I got his different an- someone’s just thought was my fi rst proper foray into acting, smaller clubs don’t suffer, because job. gles you of it independently, unless you count playing Santa in a you’ve just got to look in your local can go and you’ve thought: school nativity when I was 5. culture guide and there’ll be about Chris Ramsey’s Foster’s Edinburgh with a “ah no I can’t use that four fucking comedians there this Comedy Award nominated show Of- heck- now”? T: (laughs) I don’t know, you could month doing shows, which is brilliant, fermation has now fi nished Nominat the e Imperial’s largest n run for in your ow e Check online to s 20122012

imperialcollegeunion.org/elections tions Open Monday! elections ever, including great positions to n Faculty starts at 00:01 on Monday ee more information about all the positions. 12 Friday 10 February 2012 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief North Star is shrinking

Norway puts genome sequencing Arianna Sorba Wang Jinglei and Jia Hao, NASA

in national health system According to new analysis of more than 160 years worth of data, the North Star may be wast- Last year, at an intelligence squared event, James ing away, shedding an amount of gas equivalent Watson stated that one of the biggest improve- to up to the mass of the Earth each year. ments in medicine would be personalised genome The North Star, also known as Polaris, has sequencing, whereby patients will have a person- been used by navigators for centuries, as its alised healthcare plan developed from their ge- alignment with the Earth’s rotational axis nome sequence. Personalised genome sequenc- means it always sits directly above the North ing is now becoming a reality in Norway, less than Pole. It is also a ‘Cepheid Variable’ star, mean- a decade after the fi rst human genome was fully ing it pulsates, getting dimmer and brighter as sequenced. the confl icting forces of gravity inwards and Norway’s plan is to focus on cancer care. Sev- radiation pressure outwards constantly tug the eral phases have been outlined. Initially, in the outer layers back and forth from its dense, burn- pilot phase the Norwegian Cancer Genomics Con- ing core. sortium will look at 3,000 previous tumour biop- This ‘pulse’ of the star, with a period of sies to better understand how different cancer around 4 days, has been observed by ancient mutations respond to drugs. Furthermore, 1,000 astronomers for hundreds of years. In 2004, patients will also have their genomes sequenced. David Turner, of St. Mary’s University in Hali- The next phase will see specifi c clinical, comput- fax, Canada, compiled an archive of these mea- ing and laboratory infrastructure being built. surements. His analysis, including data stretch- All other stars appear to rotate around the North star as the Earth spins Although, Norway is the fi rst to incorporate ge- ing back as long ago as 1844, showed that the nome sequencing into its national health system; North Star’s pulse was slowing down. Turner it is not the fi rst country to have personalised med- justifi ed this increase in the star’s time period of the Astrophysical Journal Letters, he explains are uncertain, as they are based on shaky ob- icine. The UK and USA already have personalised around 4.5 seconds per year by concluding that how the time period data is inconsistent with servations of the surrounding stellar material, medicine; just not on as large a scale as Norway’s the star was in the early stages of its evolution all regular phases of stellar evolution, and, in this novel method employs the wealth of data proposed plans. In the UK, the NHS is currently on its fi rst crossing of the ‘Cepheid instability contradiction to Turner, he asserts that the star already gathered about the North Star, to make only conducting research, with DNA extraction, strip’, and still burning only hydrogen – a trade- is old, having passed through the red giant stage actual quantifi able measurements of the rate at storage and testing of tumour genomes. In Bos- mark of a young star. and already burning Helium. In Neilson’s mod- which it is wasting away. ton, USA, researchers at Massachusetts general However, Hilding Neilson of the University el, as the star pulses, swathes of gas are pushed The quest for understanding the mechanisms hospital have developed a test for 15 genes which of Bonn, Germany, was not so sure. Combining out from it in waves, as the pent-up light bursts of the North Star is not over, however, and are already targeted by current cancer drugs. Nor- his own recent observations with Turner’s ar- through the star’s outer layers. He concludes Turner is the fi rst to admit that “there are many way’s plans differ to Boston’s targeted testing, chived data, Neilson and colleagues compared that the North Star must be losing mass, at mysteries about Polaris that defy simple expla- for within their healthcare system they plan to the star’s measured behaviour with state of the the rate of around one Earth mass each year – nation.” In the coming months and years, new sequence entire genomes. It will be interesting art models of stellar evolution. They didn’t equivalent to roughly a millionth of the mass of data from the Hubble Space Telescope about to see which country’s strategy is preferable. Nor- match up. the star itself. its distance from Earth, and its luminosity, will way could just be putting in place infrastructure for “Only if the star is losing a lot of mass can The result is particularly exciting because it’s hopefully help solve the mystery once and for general personalised healthcare, which does not that [discrepancy] be resolved,” says Neilson, the fi rst truly strong argument for such extreme all of what exactly is going on deep inside the just focus on cancer treatment. Furthermore, who referring to the North Star’s mysteriously de- mass loss in a Cepheid star. While most sus- star we thought we knew so well. knows what the extra data could reveal, perhaps creasing pulse. In a paper published recently in pected examples of Cepheid stars losing mass DOI:10.1088/2041-8205/745/2/L32 even mutations in other genes. It is exciting to see how research and health- care are merging together more and more. Who knows what could be revealed through using per- sonalised genome sequencing and how the future Graphene oxide fi lters out water of healthcare will be shaped. Jula Humphries

Philip Kent through almost unimpeded, yet completely blocks other gases, surprised scientists. In a paper recently published in Science, a Under normal conditions, graphene oxide team from the University of Manchester has would have water molecules in capillaries lo- Anxiety reported that graphene oxide is capable of cated within the layers (where the other gas- by Maria Veiga selectively fi ltering water molecules, leaving eous particles would otherwise travel), and all other types of molecule blocked. This is a it is these molecules that prevent the fl ow of particularly surprising result for the team, who, other gases. Water can still fl ow through, as from previous research, expected the graphene the water at the top of the layer evaporates off derivative to be completely impermeable. leaving . More surprising with this research is that In low humidity (i.e. when there is not much water permeated through the membrane at a 90% vodka, anyone? water vapour in the cylinder), the water within rate very similar to that of water permeating the layers is not replenished when it evaporates through a system with no membrane. from the top, causing the capillaries to shrink. The team used a cylinder fi lled with water brane prevented any gases other than water This also prevents water molecules escaping. vapour to conduct the investigation. A seal vapour from escaping. Applications for this could include fi ltration made of porous copper plates coated with gra- This seems to be a property of graphene ox- and separation, and could fi nd use in situations phene oxide was used to cover the container, ide, rather than graphene itself – when the fi lm where it is desired to remove just water from and then the loss of mass of the cylinder over was made of chemically derived graphene, a sample. In a more humorous test, the team time was measured. permeability dropped again. sealed a bottle of vodka using the same mecha- Additionally, when the cylinder was fi lled Producing substances capable of blocking nism, and found that the vodka became stron- with other gases (such as hexane, ethanol, and helium is a non-trivial task, with even glass ger over time as the water vapour evaporated helium), there was almost no loss of mass over allowing some to permeate through. The through the seal. a 24-hour period. This shows that the mem- fact that graphene oxide allows water to pass DOI: 10.1126/science.1211694 FELIX Friday 10 February 2012 13 SCIENCE Life on Mars? Not likely Modern Annina Sartor explains how an analysis of Martian soil shows it is not suitable for life medicine

NASA/JPL-Caltech/University of Arizona/Texas A&M University Laurence Pope hile May 25, 2008 – the date of the You might not immediately assume Phoenix lander’s DNA sequencing technology and hu- descent onto Mars’ man medicine go hand in hand, but surface – may be a you’d be wrong. Research currently dayW long forgotten for most, the same being carried out by scientists in- cannot be said of Dr Tom Pike of the volved in the Human Genome Proj- Department of Electrical and Elec- ect is having a huge impact on 21st tronic Engineering at Imperial College century medicine. London and his team, who, for the last In a lecture on February 2, organ- three years, have been analysing data ised by the Friends of Imperial Col- provided by the lander, along with col- lege, Imperial Professor Timothy leagues. The results of their work were Aitman talked about human genom- discussed at a European Space Agency ics and its influence on 21st century meeting last Tuesday. medicine. The professor, currently a The team of researchers analysed member of quango ‘the Human Ge- soil samples using optical and atomic netics Commission’, discussed the force microscopes, allowing them to advances made in the identification resolve particles with diameters of as of genes involved in both rare and NASA’s Mars Phoenix Lander on the surface of Mars little as 100 microns. They have since common genetic disorders, as well been diligently cataloguing the particle as a brief history of how geneticists sizes present in the sample. The par- have gotten to where they are today. ticles’ make-up and distribution reveals a very arid history, unfavourable for the period, is too short to reasonably expect in the soil’s consistency between differ- Professor Aitman claimed that “the key information about the formation of development of life. life to have formed. ent areas of the globe. The same conclu- tipping point is very close now,” in Martian soil and its interaction with liq- The particle size distribution (PSD) In fact, the PSD of Martian soil sion may thus be drawn for the planet reference to the fact that genome uid water. of soil being studied can be used to matches that of the Moon more closely as a whole. sequencing is now so cheap that the The researchers searched for clay draw conclusions about its exposure to than that of Earth; it shows signs of ex- However, all hope is not yet lost. Pre- ‘thousand-dollar genome’ is likely to particles formed by the chemical pro- liquid water because the proportion of treme physical weathering during its vious research showed that Mars likely be made possible by the end of 2012, cess of water breaking down rock. No clays depends mostly on length of water formation. While on the Moon, which had a warmer, wetter period earlier in if not sooner. He spoke only briefly evidence of such microscopic particles exposure and the conditions thereof. In is not protected by an atmosphere, this its history. This would have been more about the ethical issues that surround was found. Even when making the as- the case of the samples of Martian soil is likely due to frequent collisions with suited for the development of life. To genetic testing, though with only sumption that all particles within the studied, this analysis revealed that the meteorites, Martian soil is weathered fi nd out more, scientists must dig deep- an hour at his disposal the profes- size range comparable to analogous soil could not have been in contact with mostly by strong winds, again suggest- er and look beyond the surface – liter- sor was hard-pressed to do anything particles in Earth’s soil were clay, these liquid water for a total of any more than ing a very hostile environment. ally. Life may still be “taking refuge un- more than scratch the surface of the would only make up about 0.1% of 5000 years throughout the planet’s 4.6 While this study examined only sam- derground,” Pike says. More research vast topic. Martian soil. Comparing this to Earth’s billion years of history. This window ples from Phoenix’s landing site, close is necessary before the idea of life on Professor Aitman spoke both en- soil, where clay content can be as high of time, even when assuming that the to the northern polar cap, satellite im- Mars can be dismissed entirely. thusiastically and knowledgeably as 5%, suggests that Mars’ surface has 5000 years occurred in one continuous ages suggest that there is little variation DOI:10.1029/2011GL049896 over the course of his hour-long talk. He explained otherwise complicated technologies very succinctly and presented information in a clear, concise way that did not leave people Wall Street Journal denies climate change with limited biochemical knowledge in the dark. Though this member of the audi- ence is well acquainted with the Carys Cook cy, anyone? They also claimed there is and called for an improved and serious HIV causes AIDS, and the few medical biochemical principles underlying doubt in the scientifi c community on the public debate to deal with this problem. experts who claim smoking does not DNA sequencing and the Human With the 2012 US election fast ap- relationship between carbon dioxide and Despite claims of openness and indepen- cause cancer. The letter highlighted that Genome Project it was nevertheless proaching, the politicisation of climate temperature, that global temperatures dence, it appears as though the editorial every authoritative body of scientists a very engaging talk that prompted change is something that many Ameri- have not increased in the last 10 years board of the Wall Street Journal is rather in climate science globally have stated one to think about both the near and cans can look forward to. It would be and that there is disagreement in the cli- eager to fuel the public’s unfounded con- repeatedly that the science is clear – in far-future. Professor Aitman neatly foolish to assume that US media is also mate science community that climate fusion and doubt about climate science, fact, reports commissioned by the US brought together scientific research immune from political infl uence in a change is even happening (97% do, and play them right into the hands of the congress concluded unanimously that and its practical applications in per- system as pervasive as the USA’s – most actually, agree). In fact, combined land conservative candidates they support. climate change is happening and that sonalised drug therapy and preventa- media corporations fl y their blue or red and ocean surface temperature measure- In all fairness, the Wall Street Journal it is largely caused by human activity, tive medicine. Whilst ethical issues fl ags willingly. One such media outlet ments reveal that eight of the warmest did publish a rebuttal letter in its online the same conclusions held by NASA, must be faced it is clear that 21st that has come under repeated criticism years on record have occurred in the last version on February 1, penned by 38 the Environmental Agency and the US century medicine has a bright future for its editorial board’s willingness to ten years, with 2005 and 2010 being the eminent climate scientists and experts Departments of State, Defence, Agricul- ahead of it. publish factually incorrect and mis- warmest ever recorded, 0.64°C warmer from all over the globe, including Sir ture, Energy, and Health. The Friends of Imperial College is leading opinions about climate change than the 20th Century average (source: Bob Watson, climate change advisor to The science is real, the consensus is dedicated to spreading enthusiasm science is the News Corp Wall Street NOAA). the UK government, and Chris Rapley, huge and the concern is massive – it and knowledge of science, technol- Journal, the most widely circulated It is important to note that the Wall former head of the British Antarctic Sur- would be severely foolish for any po- ogy and medicine. It is independent newspaper in the Western world. On Street Journal had previously refused vey, who criticised the fact that many of litical leader, American or otherwise, to of, but linked to, one of the premier January 27, it published a letter from to publish a comparable but accurate the authors of the previous letter were disregard that evidence and ignore the scientific establishments on the globe 16 scientists claiming climate alarmism letter written by 255 members of the not climate scientists, and those that colossal risk that inaction poses, even and organises lectures and events to is a ploy by scientists to maintain fund- US National Academy of Sciences that were, were known for their extreme if it means coming under criticism from spread knowledge and stimulate at- ing, for governments to raise taxes and highlighted the scientifi c consensus views in the climate science community. right-wing media, whose motivations tention to up-and-coming scientific for charities to trick people into donat- that humans are having a very serious They likened these outliers to the few may often not be as clear-cut as they ap- developments. It can be contacted ing money to them. Paranoid conspira- and dangerous impact on our climate, retrovirus experts that do not except that pear... via www.friendsofimperial.org.uk. 14 Friday 10 FEBRUARY 2012 FELIX Technology Editors: Chris McBowers Feroz Salamander TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Tips & Hacks A Prime tablet specimen

Etymotic MC2 headset review Chris Bowers

I have to say, I’m not much of a tablet man. If I really must surf on the move I’m perfectly happy with my BlackBerry, and my laptop sat- isfies all my mobile computing needs. How- ever, when a friend of mine bought the new Asus Transformer Prime tablet, I had to give it a go – so I borrowed it. The tablet’s predecessor – the Transformer – was a good tablet according to its reviews. Perhaps its most distinguishing feature was the keyboard dock, which makes its return with the Prime. This fully integrates with the tab- tablet itself is very responsive, and the dock’s engine, as opposed to the processor. The rest of let to give you what is basically a netbook – it keyboard was good when tested using the sup- the time the browsing was good – and it even features a trackpad and a full keyboard with plied Polaris Office. supports Flash, so there are pretty much no all the important Android keys, so you won’t In fact, there are occasions when using the limitations on what you can access. The Etymotic MC2 headset is an in-ear, noise iso- be switching between typing and touching the tablet that really make you enjoy using it. For For me, the only gripe I had with the tablet lating headphone and microphone combination screen. It also has a USB port, SD card slot example, closing a background task/applica- is the balance of the unit when using it with promising high-quality sound. It also has a single and an in-built battery pack, which boosts the tion sounds boring, but swiping its tile off to the dock. It felt as though it could be dislodged button that can be used for tasks such as answer- tablet’s in-use battery life from 12 hours to 18. the side of the screen is so satisfying when ev- and fall backwards too easily. While it may not ing calls or pausing what’s playing. I’ve been using The Prime however, has more than just its erything flows in the way it does. A software be in the mentality of this light, thin tablet, I them for the last week, and I have to say I’m find- dock to its name. It’s one of the first major tab- feature, yes, but one that does need responsive- think the unit as a whole would benefit if the ing them pretty good. Of course, compared to a let to feature Ice Cream Sandwich (which is ness to pull off well. dock had a bit more weight in it, so as to dis- particular known-brand of white earphones (don’t lovely on it), and indeed to use nVidia’s quad- That isn’t the best test of the powerhouse tribute the balance a little better. ask – my old earphones broke), most headphones core Tegra 3 chip. All cutting edge so far, I’m sitting under the bonnet though. In fact, there However, other people have reported issues are going to be a decent improvement. However, I sure you’ll agree. The rest of the hardware didn’t seem to be much that would strain the with both the wireless and GPS in the tablet. also have a separate pair of over-the-ear ‘phones, doesn’t let down either, with a 10.1” Super quad-core chip. While perhaps not a world- Asus have actually confirmed this is an is- so they’ll be my point of reference instead. IPS+, Gorilla Glass screen, 32/64GB of inter- respected benchmark, Angry Birds was as sue with the (pretty) metal back on the tablet. Let’s first look at what you get for your £75. Et- nal storage and an eight-megapixel camera on smooth as could be, as was pretty much ev- There are rumours that a follow-up with a full ymotic supply four different pairs of eartips, so the rear with flash, to name just some. erything else. 1080p screen will appear soon, that also fixes you can choose the style most suited to your ear. Of course, statistics and specifications only The only time I encountered any issues was these issues – so if you’re considering buying There’s also a custom ear-mould service avail- say so much about a product – you have to use during web browsing. This was rare, and only this, it might be worth waiting for more details. able, but at another £75 I decided not to try it. You it to really know how good it is. However, with with heavily media-based desktop sites (there’s All in all though, I was very impressed with are additionally given a spare pair of filters, and a the Transformer Prime, it doesn’t take you very an option to always load the desktop version of the Transformer Prime. If I were ever to buy zipper pouch to store the headset in. While it’s no long to reach your decision – this tablet is re- a website). It’s probably more likely that this a tablet, it would be one of these, or one of its metal box, it gives more protection than nothing. ally nice to use, with or without the dock. The was a by-product of the browser’s rendering successors. The cable is meant to be reinforced with Kevlar too, which can’t be a bad thing for durability. So how good are those supplied eartips at shut- ting out the distracting sounds of the outside world? It depends on what eartip you prefer. I use the foam ones, which are great. My experiences Zuckerberg bored; enter Timeline with the two sizes of three-flange variety show they perform well also. The ‘glider’ tips don’t stay in my ear however, so I can’t really comment – Jason Ye but I assume they’re not as great, as otherwise they’d fit better. My tips are comfortable too, with Tell your life story with a new kind of profile. prolonged use causing no discomfort whatsoever. Or so the marketing material goes. The latest Now for the important part – the sound quality. revamp of the Facebook profile page has divid- While not the most expensive headset/earphones ed opinion among many people and it has not on the market, you’d expect good results for your been embraced by as many people or as wide- money with the MC2s. I’ve listened to a range of ly as Mark Zuckerberg would have wanted. music genres as well as spoken voice, and I can These changes are possibly more far-reaching safely say the earphones don’t disappoint. While than any single modification to our favourite they’re not the ‘bassiest’ headphones in the social network in its entire history. Like it or Facebook: bringing you a sudden influx of misused memes world, you can hear each note of bass, and the not, they will be made compulsory for every- overall sound they deliver is full and rich. Those one within the next month. little nuances in the music that you don’t notice In case you’ve blocked yourself from on- your posts scattered across your friends’ virtual banner on your profile page. in cheaper headphones are audible, and you can line procrastination for the last three months, lives. The downsides however are numerous, and hear all the parts of a given track. Overall, I’ve the Facebook Timeline is a new way of pre- There is also an increased amount of cus- mainly revolve around privacy issues; yet again been impressed with the quality of audio that the senting your photos, status updates and all the tomisation that is given to users – every time a thorny issue which has cropped up through- earphones put out. other great things that adorn what is currently someone tags you in a photo, or a comment, out Facebook’s history. Firstly, the default pri- The microphone part of the headset worked well your Wall. it goes straight to the ‘Activity Log’. This is a vacy options for new Timeline posts are actu- for a long telephone conversation I had while in- Possibly the first new feature of the Time- brand new view of all our activity since joining ally set to ‘Public’, which means that what is doors, but apparently when outside there was a line that you’ll notice is the Cover Photo – a Facebook. From here, we can see absolutely likely your entire life will be available for all, fair bit of ambient noise that made it difficult to banner which stretches across the top of your everything that we have done on the network, including Google and your potential employers hear me. Other than that though, the Etymotic profile and dominates what visitors to your and it is possible to manually hide things or set to see. In addition you will be dragged kicking MC2 is a good quality headset that delivers on the profile will see when they first visit it. Profile Facebook to prod you via a notification to get and screaming to the new format, and you will sound front. pictures have now been relegated to a small you to approve new posts onto your Timeline need to prepare yourself. It is currently pos- Chris Bowers square displayed on the bottom left corner of before it shows up. This is a great way to en- sible to conduct a seven-day trial of the new the Cover Photo, and are still used throughout sure that those embarrassing banterful photos Timeline feature where you can purge every- the site and displayed next to your name in all of your Sports Night antics don’t end up as a thing that you don’t want others to see. FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 15 Politics Editors: Rajat Jain Joseph Letts [email protected] POLITICS Bringing down the Bankers Joseph Letts looks at the future of performance-related pay in the City

n the wake of last week’s pay this system in place it seems impossible scandal concerning RBS CEO for a government like that of the UK to Stephen Hester, a lot has been credibly place restraints on the behav- said in regards to the opulence iour of companies in the private sector of bankers’ bonuses. In fact, in yet some still call for the government to theI private student accommodation in set a maximum salary or to ban bonuses which I live we even held a debate at altogether. Taking the UK government the weekend, with a slim majority vot- as an example, with their reluctance to ing for motion which stated that the employ a fi nancial tax on banks without government should prevent excessive a similar effort being made globally it pay. Since the recession and our slow seems unrealistic to believe they would economic recovery, the public has been take a more hands on approach. Aside baying for blood at the mere mention from the fact that enforcing such mea- of a large bonus, with heads of public sures in the UK would wound our com- bodies afraid of the public backlash of petitiveness internationally it is easy to receiving a bonus, no matter how well imagine that the unease caused by the deserved. Over the last two weeks, the government micromanagement could Chairman and CEO of RBS (83% state send companies running to the arms of owned) both declined to take a bonus, a much friendlier ruling body. Not to followed by several directors of Net- mention the legality of such actions. In work Rail. Now, while these companies a democratic country the government are both controlled by the state that, as simply does not have to right to infl u- majority shareholder, has the right to ence or penalise what they consider bad veto executive pay packages, some peo- management decisions made by private ple are starting to call for the govern- companies. ment to cast its net wider and consider But what could the government do in- banning bankers’ bonuses in the general stead? One suggestion is to give more fi nancial industry. power to shareholders, an idea already Bankers like Hester earn over £2m. Meanwhile, print journalism is dying. Nice being considered by the Con-Lib coali- tion. Giving shareholders more control Bonuses as incentives over executive pay and allowing ordi- executive staff. This is in a stark con- tra work and results that the payee has has the option of increasing the rate of nary employees to sit on the pay com- The general consensus is that the Global trast to the median American annual given? Surely they, and other employ- tax paid by bankers, however this is mittees in companies are two ways in Financial Crisis of 2007-8 was caused salary of $26,364 in 2011 or a mean ees are already compensated enough by not so easy in practice. Since they can- which the government can give more by the fi nancial services industry us- UK household income of £26,000. 100,000 or million pound base pack- not single out employees from a single power to the stakeholders of a business. ing risky sub-prime mortgages sold to Many say it is negligent to allow ages for salaries? In fact many people industry for tax purposes they would Another idea being fl oated by David a low-income section of society with a bankers and CEOs of top companies believe that bonuses given to bankers have to either increase the top rate of Cameron is a proposal to cap the ratio high risk of default. Some believe that to be allowed to propagate income are not performance related at all but tax for high earners, introduce a new of executive to average employee sala- the banking bonus culture propagated inequality by being paid many times are in fact an way to give their employ- higher rate tax band or increase taxes ries, a policy designed to even pay in- the system failure, arguing that mort- the amount of an average employee in ees more money, whether earned or not. on fi nancial institutions. There are, of equality in companies and keep rising gage sellers aimed to sell large numbers their company (or in the case of banks, course, problems associated with each executive pay in check. of adjustable rate mortgages to custom- an average person). of these approaches, the most obvious People are of two minds considering ers with a high risk of default because Since banks handle such large sums Government Intervention being that an increase in tax paid by bankers’ bonuses, some consider bank- they were more concerned about short- of money and gain astronomical rev- wealthy individuals or companies will ers to be a necessary evil and a less than term achievements such as hitting targets enues, it is fairly accepted that banks The aforementioned points are a few lead to a ‘talent drain’ where these indi- savoury consequence of the capitalist and getting bigger bonuses than about have a lot of money available, however of the reasons that people have raised viduals will simply move to a different system while others believe them to be the long-term risk of their investments. they seem to distribute a large amount their spears in the direction of bankers’ country where they can enjoy a larger lawless rogues who need to be reined A main criticism of bonuses is that they of this to their employees instead of bonuses. Why doesn’t the government disposable income. Also this may en- in and forced back in line with the rest encourage the purchase of riskier debt by giving some benefi t to their customers do something, like tax bankers or even courage such entities to use tax avoid- of society. And of course many of the bankers, the pay of whom is only related or investing in community programs. ban bonuses? Indeed who else can ef- ance or evasion techniques to hide their bankers themselves aren’t about to look to short-term performance and not the Banks pays their employees a lot of fectively regulate the fi nancial services earnings from the state. This can be a a gift horse in the mouth. It will be in- long term performance of the deals they money simply because they can, not industry to reduce the kind of risky be- problem, especially in countries like the teresting to see how the bonus culture make. This behaviour lumbers the bank necessarily because it is deserved. haviour that can lead to another fi nan- UK where the fi nancial services indus- weathers the next few years and if pub- with toxic assets, which can turn bad at cial crash? But what should the gov- try is a major part of the economy and lic condemnation will bring a change to short notice that, as was seen at the time, ernment do? There are already some large companies pay around 60% of all current banking practices. puts the customers of the bank at risk Performance related pay regulatory bodies like the Financial taxes received by the government. and can lead to bailouts by governments Services Authority in the UK and Fed- world-wide. or just extra pay? eral Reserve Board of Governors and the Securities Exchange Commission The long arm of the law Got something People do also wonder if the amount in the US, however they are not always Too much money? given can be in any way related to the able to keep abreast of the latest devel- Another problem we face is determining extra value an employee has brought to opments in the fi nancial sector and so how involved the government should be to say? Email Another argument for banning or cap- a company. Certainly there are the odd at times they can only offer a knee-jerk in the affairs of private sector compa- ping the bonuses of bankers is that few stories of hedge fund managers reaction to negative practices which are nies. In the western world the capitalist articles to: they are simply given too much mon- having being paid 50% of the returns eventually brought to light. Increasing system is generally embraced and the ey. Banking bonuses can range from made by their funds in recent years. the awareness of such bodies and tight- ideal of the free market is roughly ad- tens of thousands given to graduates Similarly for CEOs, do million pound ening regulations would be a good start hered to, excusing some interventions politics.felix@ in their fi rst to the odd million pounds bonuses (like the one offered to Ste- to make the fi nancial services industry by the government like competition reg- given to a bank’s top performers and phen Hester) accurately refl ect the ex- more transparent. The government also ulations and the minimum wage. With ic.ac.uk 16 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX Business Editors: B e ñ a t G u r r u t x a g a - L e r m a Nina Kearsey BUSINESS [email protected] Reporting Science in Financial Times

Felix Business Editors Benat Gurrutxaga-Lerma and Nina Kearsey talk to Clive Cookson, Science Editor at the Financial Times, about the argument for business in- volvement in science, and about the challenges and changes facing science journalism

o begin, as interviews towards services? rious example of short-termist think- CC: Oh yes, it’s a huge barrier. In the commonly do, with some CC: Well the government of course ing, and this is in stark contrast with aerospace industry, for example, it’s a scene-setting by way of would like to base future economic the returns on R&D expenditure: for very big barrier to starting up, which is a weather report, it was a growth on science based companies – instance, the return time on a jet en- why there haven’t been any successful cold albeit sunny morning the famous “rebalancing” phrase. Too gine is 25 years. How can investment start-ups in that particular fi eld. At least T(one of those ironies so common to the much has been tilted towards particu- in R&D, being so long-term, be en- not in Europe. English winter) when we met with the larly fi nancial services, and they want couraged in an environment where Financial Times’ Clive Cookson to talk to put some back. Not into old-style you can make money in seconds? FB: What about the political timeta- science and business. Both a scientist dinosaur manufacturing industries, but CC: Well, I would put it a different ble? Because that’s also quite short- and journalist by training, Cookson’s into the new-style science based com- way, because although the trading itself term. Do you think scientifi c develop- work for the FT has involved writing panies. is very short-term, remember there’s ment requires more constancy than it everything from blogs and podcasts R&D behind that as well. The trading gets in terms of government policy? to teeline shorthand. Thus embodying FB: Would you then agree that man- algorithms and so on are not thought up CC: Yes, I do. Though there’s more both the new- and old-schools of jour- ufacturing and R&D should carry a in seconds; they take years of underly- continuity in government policy, I nalism, he is well placed to share his more prominent role in the UK econ- ing research, and scientists who went would say, in science than in many thoughts on the changing status of sci- omy? into the City have contributed to that. other areas. In this country there is not ence and science reporting. Retreating CC: I think so. Given that we have a So I think it is a mistake to look at ev- a big party-political difference: La- from the unremitting cold of the winter highly-skilled, highly-educated work- erything in fi nancial trading as being bour science policy and Conservative anticyclone to RCS1, and with coats force and a good science base, and short-term, when the underlying strat- science policy are, broadly speaking, still drawn around us against its lasting excellent universities like this one pro- egies have probably been thought up very similar. I don’t think there are big chill and the capricious air-con, we be- ducing people who could do this, and over several years – not as many years ideological differences. Yes politics gan the following conversation. considering companies based on sci- as a jet engine or a pharmaceutical thinks in the short-term, but it’s not a ence have a much higher value added product, but they are not as short-term case where one government will tear up Felix Business: The Financial Times per-person than others, it makes sense as it might seem. In terms of what you what the other one has done. is a specialist, fi nancially oriented to base the future on it, yes. can do about it, there’s nothing you can newspaper. Having established itself do about it in a capitalist, free-market FB: Would you agree that there is a as the friend of “The Honest Finan- FB: On that point, what do you think economy, absolutely nothing. You can bias against strong scientifi c policy cier and the Respectable Broker”, of City fi rms poaching science gradu- juggle with the tax system so that, as due to the backgrounds of govern- with a strong focus on business and ates away from engineering and high- they do in America, you pay more ment ministers, which are over- economics, why does it need a science tech fi rms? Do you think that the lure capital gains tax on an asset you have whelmingly humanities and social editor? of the high salaries these have to offer held for less than a year than for more sciences? Clive Cookson: Well, the narrow an- is distorting the UK economy? than a year. You can try and fi ght short- CC: Yes. And that’s true more gener- swer is because so much business is CC: I think it was doing so, but that termism in that way, but fundamentally ally of politics and the civil service. FB: And do you think that the last science based. Everything from the now there is going to be much less of it is just part of the system we live in. Obviously the backgrounds of govern- reform for higher education, with so pharmaceuticals and biotech industries that because City fi rms are not grow- ment ministers refl ect the backgrounds much of a focus on science and engi- through to materials, chemistry and ing to the same extent – some of them FB: Do you think the different time- of members of parliament in this coun- neering education, will actually pro- electronics; computers, IT; all those are laying off people. So I think that’s a scale associated with investments for try, and there are far too few MPs with duce that shift towards having more have, ultimately, a base in science – problem of the last decade; it’s less of a a company like Rolls-Royce hampers any sort of science, medical or engi- MPs, senior civil servants, or politi- so that’s the answer to why a business problem for future decades, or this de- the way it spreads its fi nances – hav- neering backgrounds. The same applies cians in general, coming from a sci- newspaper needs a science correspon- cade. But I actually think it hasn’t been ing to set aside large amounts of to senior civil servants in government entifi c backgrounds? dent. But the broader answer is that bad for the whole fi eld because there capital that aren’t going mature for departments – there are some, but there CC: Yes. It’s going to be a slow pro- the FT is not any longer just a business is an uplift: if physicists and engineers decades? aren’t very many. I wish more scientists cess, but I think it’s part of a general newspaper. We also have Arts sections, and mathematicians can get vast sala- CC: I don’t think so. Remember that would go into politics, and non-scientif- trend – yes. But it’s clearly going to and we write about science as science: ries in the fi nancial industry, that forces Rolls-Royce and the big pharmaceutical ic administration. take decades. I think it’s going in the I write about cosmology and the origins other employers, like old-style techno- companies have, for the last few years, right direction. and future of the universe – that has no logical industries such as Rolls-Royce, been very profi table. I think that there’s FB: So does talk of revitalising the immediate business applications. So in to pay more than they otherwise would. a very good cash fl ow in these compa- UK’s manufacturing sector require a summary, a business newspaper would I would say that it has been good for nies; for example in Rolls-Royce’s case technocrat minister – someone with a On Science Journalism need a science correspondent, but we science and engineering because it has from maintenance, or more importantly PhD in some scientifi c discipline? also cover non-business topics. produced an uplift for salaries through- selling spares for their engines. And the CC: It doesn’t require it. It would prob- FB: We now have some more general out, which would be even lower other- whole thing is geared up for the long- ably be helped, but I don’t think we questions on science journalism. One FB: That begins to answer our sec- wise. term. They are making money now out should despair because these people of the challenges of reporting science, ond question, which was that the gen- of investments they made 25 years ago; aren’t around. It’s going to take a gen- it seems, is to avoid being reductionist eral public has this view of science as FB: Concurrent to this change in the cash is coming in. eration, if it happens at all, to get more in your efforts to communicate tech- connected to the manufacturing in- economic landscape here though, scientifi cally trained people into these nical information to a non-scientifi c dustry and high-tech companies. But there seems to have been a change in FB: Doesn’t that create a barrier for senior government leadership jobs. No, audience; is this necessary, do you does it still carry the same relevance the time-scales associated with invest- new businesses to start up in those I don’t think it requires that. It would be think, or should you demand more as the economy shifts from products ments. Speculative trading is a noto- kinds of industry? nice, but not essential. from your readers? Does it detract in FELIX Friday 10 February 2012 17 BUSINESS

opinion, even if there’s a small number ther of those. I do try. But it’s diffi cult of scientists saying something different. compared to discoveries in biomedical Obviously on climate change there are research or even physics, where there’s some scientists, even a few who know more of a sort of gee-whiz factor, a quite a lot about climatology, who chal- wow factor – particles going faster than lenge the orthodoxy. But when the vast the speed of light, or some new step to- majority of scientists say one thing, we wards curing cancer. Yes it is a fault in follow them. Likewise on the safety of the whole system; I think it always has genetically modifi ed foods and other is- been probably. sues. FB: But, for instance, in the 19th FB: The BBC tends to take a different century writers seemed very excited opinion, in that it will try and present about new machines that were in- all views – to not really side with any- vented. I don’t know whether we one. And there are these Newsnight have already taken for granted that style panel debates where you’ll have technological progress is going to the creationist sitting opposite the ex- keep happening on an everyday ba- pert in evolution. Do you think that’s sis, so that now we are not surprised damaging to the scientifi c message, by the amazing feats engineering of- having these very polarised debates? fers continuously. CC: Yes, I think it is damaging. For ex- CC: Well I think one of the things is ample, on the issue of climate change, that now a lot of the engineering – the climate sceptics regard the BBC as basic engineering breakthroughs – are being very much against them, very made in companies that don’t want to much the voice of scientifi c ortho- talk about it; whereas in the 19th cen- doxy. Whereas from the point of view tury it was more open. Mobile phone of most scientists, the BBC gives too companies don’t want to give away se- much weight to the skeptics. The BBC crets really. If you look at the science is particularly exposed, and on this and engineering that’s reported in the sort of debate it just can’t win. I rather media, the vast majority comes out of sympathise with them on this. Yes, they universities and public research labs be- give probably too much voice to very cause they want to talk about it whereas minority views, but in their position the companies only want to talk about it they have to really. in terms of selling their product, rather than talking about their underlying sci- FB: Do you think the social media ence and technology. And then also and the blogosphere are, in part, what engineering needs is a sort of Bri- responsible for the laudation of non- an Cox equivalent, who can really win expert opinions? Are they affecting over hundreds of thousands, millions of science journalism? people by popularising it. There isn’t CC: I think they are affecting science anyone like that in engineering as far as journalism, but I think things are get- I know. Or chemistry. ting better. When blogs were quite new, a lot of weird stuff was going out there. FB: Each year there’s a Royal Col- Now that it’s so easy, there are more lege of Science Union ‘Science Chal- scientists in the blogosphere, so there’s lenge’, which is an essay competition more of a weight of sensible scientifi c for students here at the college, and views than there used to be. I think that one of the questions this year was set balance is tilting back towards science. by Pallab Ghosh, science correspon- There’s just so much there! So many dent at the BBC. How would you be- scientists are taking part I think things gin to answer his question “What is have got better. the role of science journalism in the any way from the science itself? whether there is a chance of a mete- itself”. They say that, but in fact there’s 21st century?” CC: Personally, I think that if you’re orite hitting the Earth, and the scien- zero chance. I would say it’s impos- FB: Most of the science journalism CC: That’s a very good question! I writing a science story in a newspaper tist would say, “Well there is a 99% sible, but quantum physicists would say news are reports about scientifi c dis- suppose the simple answer to Pallab’s like the FT for example, for an intelli- chance that it won’t hit the earth, it’s not impossible. It depends what you coveries. I wonder if you’d agree that question is that science journalism is gent but generally non-scientifi c read- but...” and immediately the journal- mean by impossible. engineering as a discipline doesn’t the medium by which scientists com- ership, you should be able to include ist asks, “But is there a chance?” get that much of a covering in gen- municate with the general public. So some details which will not be under- – “Well, I can’t assure it won’t hap- FB: Related to that it seems, espe- eral? looking at it from the scientist’s point of stood by everyone, and will be under- pen...”. Obviously, when that word cially in the US media, that there’s a CC: Yes I agree. view, even with the latest technology, stood, and illuminate the piece, say, for is said in a scientifi c context it would tendency amongst the public to con- very few scientists can get through to scientists. It shouldn’t put off non-sci- denote that the chances are it will sider expert opinions merely as opin- FB: For example a mobile phone very many people. For most scientists, entists. In other words, the piece should never happen. But said in a general ions and so, for example the educated is something that people take for if they want the world to know about be comprehensible to any intelligent context, without the implied scientifi c opinions of climate scientists about granted, but when you actually study their research – and more and more of reader, but that does not mean that any caution, it may give the impression global warming is sometimes put what’s inside them, you fi nd some- them do – then science journalists are intelligent reader should be able to un- to the general public that there is a on the same level as general opinion thing preposterously complicated the best medium, the best means of derstand every detail in the piece. You’d fair chance of a meteorite hitting the leaders with no particular expertise and sophisticated. It seems that that communication. And you can look at never get anywhere if you had to spell Earth. – is this a problem when it comes to people do not get to appreciate, in it from the other way around, from the out all the details. I am a great believer CC: I agree there is a different vocabu- science journalism? Is it right that the same way as with science in gen- point of view of the general interested in pieces that can be read by everyone, lary, not just in terms of technical terms, non-experts be given equal platform eral, how much work and how many reader or viewer or listener. Then you but will not be so over-simplifi ed for but even just the way everyday words to experts? breakthrough discoveries are in- would like to fi nd out about what’s go- the scientist. are used, which journalists sometimes CC: No, it’s very wrong, and certainly volved engineering as a fi eld. ing on through science journalism be- don’t get. I’ve learnt to interpret this for at the FT the policy of our editor – all CC: What you have said is very true. cause the average person is not going to FB: What of the different vocabu- the public in a way that will not embar- FT editors in my memory – has been I would say there are two fi eld which read Nature or Science or any other pri- laries used? The scientifi c training rass the scientists. But some scientists that if it’s a science-based issue, the are under-reported: engineering’s prob- mary journal, so you’re going to have to provides a very different working do take it too much to extreme, like voice of scientists is paramount. If the ably the biggest one, but also the whole use a secondary or tertiary source. For vocabulary – for example those cases quantum physicists, who will say “there vast majority of scientists are saying of chemistry is very under-reported. most people, that’s going to be science in which journalists ask astronomers is a chance that this chair will levitate one thing, well, you should refl ect that It’s diffi cult to know how to report ei- journalism and the mass media. 18 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Sexism at Imperial College funny articles, girls’ opinions involve how they look, animal welfare, and... nothing else. Combining the usual Have your say on the straw-feminist non-arguments (“this guy held a door open for me and I was Holland Club and like, I can open doors, you know!”) and typical women-should-care-only- Clayponds about-looks sexual stereotyping (“de- pressed girls just give up on themselves and let their hair go all frizzy and start The stage has been set for a discussion wearing baggy jeans”) these columns on the future of both the Holland Club and Stephen Smith served no purpose but self-gratifying Clayponds. Next Thursday (February 16) will sexism. Hahaha, imagine girls having see Imperial College’s Graduate Students’ opinions. Hahaha, their opinions are all Association host a panel on the potential ot here, surely? Sexism so trivial and unimportant. Hahaha... changes to the status of both the Holland is everywhere: in the On top of this, the usually amusing Club and Clayponds, both without a doubt media, in politics, in Hangman regularly leaves the realm of the most contentious issues affecting both the arts, but at univer- humour to enter the wonderful world staff and students at Imperial currently. If sities? The centres of of misogyny. This year, the infamous you have any interest whatsoever in the on- Nliberal thought and tolerance? Where section of the paper described success- going situation, then it is crucial you attend. everyone is open-minded and friendly ful businesswoman Deborah Meaden Online discussion, such as that dem- and – above all – extremely egalitar- as “a grumpy bitch” and told her “you The poster for the WSET. This means we can charge onstrated by the ‘Save the Holland Club’ ian? If there were ever a place where sacrifi ce your entire life… to the detri- them for an ad again, right? Facebook campaign has been notable for sexism shouldn’t exist, it is here. And ment of your children’s happiness, any highlighting those who have strong feelings yet it persists like an ugly, cunning respect from the male species, and any regarding the situation (not to mention a mouse peskily dodging the hungry cat form of femininity (like you had that like Women in Science, Engineering genuine form of respite from the sudden of equality. anyway).” and Technology (WSET) to challenge and ‘dramatic’ influx of ‘Imperial Memes’), In lectures, (in most of them, in fact) Discussing female Imperial students, perceptions and make a difference. and is indeed impressive by the amount of I listen to the irritating chorus of male it divided them into those who are “ac- Although I have great respect for their support that there has been from staff and voices in the rows behind me discuss- tually pretty fi t” and those who could excellent breast cancer fund-raising ac- students across college. There is only so ing the sexual attractiveness of the be described as “some dumpy short tivities, in the area of female empower- far that this can go, however. At its heart, women in the audience. Life for these bitch who wouldn’t even get a second ment they appear to have done more to the vast majority of those belonging to the boys (they can hardly be called men) is look if she went to UCL.” On top of entrench stereotypes than to challenge campaign group have their own reasoning black and white: the girls are divided this, three weeks ago Hangman said of them. for the Holland Club remaining unchanged neatly into fuckable and unfuckable, female readers, “God knows, it’s hard You may recall a particularly allur- by the feasibility study and will ultimately hot and ugly, those who are “fi t” and thinking down to your level”, and last ing advert for their club night called voice their opinion in line with this. The those who are “wastegash”. And all week said that misogyny was “not a “Girls Girls Girls” described as “Impe- arena for opposition, for whatever reason, of this within earshot of the very same viewpoint [but] a default”. Hopefully I rial’s best looking Metric night”. It was is restricted, especially in lieu of actual women they are “classifying”. don’t need to explain what is so very set to feature “jugglers, belly dancers, confirmation by Commercial Services as to To point out a particularly attractive sexist about these comments. If I were and lots of sexy scientists!” and at- their plans. Until now, opinions have been person to a friend is normal; to clas- female, these examples alone would be tempted to lure people along with the posted on the campaign group, with no of- sify a whole cohort of humans by their enough to put me off working for the promise that “Our sexy ladies will be ficial statement being made by Commercial looks – dismissing the majority with newspaper. taking down your bets throughout the Services with respect to any form of new the awful term “wastegash” – is slight- Admittedly, Hangman is a section night”. Undoubtedly, the night was just layout, and with Commercial Services in- ly worse than unpleasant. Perhaps these that explicitly aims to be offensive, and intended to be light-hearted fun (what forming people that no firm decision has boys should be reminded that fourteen I wouldn’t begrudge Felix the right to better way to attract Imperial students been made, something that the campaign Oxford students were suspended for print “humorous” sexist comments if than with the promise of girls, girls, group strongly suggests that in their view, identical behaviour two years ago. there are people willing to write them. girls?), but when the closest thing our is false. In a slightly less provocative ex- But the fact that there are students who university has to a feminist society Where better to instead fully clarify the ample earlier this year, a mathematics write these articles – and who presum- seems to encourage the lazy perception entire situation than with a panel free from professor instructed his male students ably fi nd them funny – suggests that of women as tools for sexual gratifi ca- the confines of internet debate? This is a to get girlfriends. His hope was that feminism still has a lot of work to do: tion, something is clearly wrong. place where full and frank discussion can their newfound loves could write up if some of the most intelligent, open- Obviously, this is not just a prob- be held between attending parties, and their coursework for them, while the minded people in the country fi nd sex- lem at Imperial. At least we have not where individuals can be questioned in the boys got on with the serious business ism and misogyny amusing, what hope reached the level of The Beaver (the flesh, allowing for greater accountability of mathematical study. For most of the is there for everyone else? student newspaper of the LSE) whose and understanding behind the situation. boys in the lecture this was understood All of this takes place against the editor faced calls to stand down after So whether you have concerns about the to be banter; but for the girls it set up background of what – for the students printing jokes about rape. Moreover, immediate future of Clayponds or the po- an unnecessary divide, ostracising them at least – defi nes Imperial: the gender by the standards of the outside world tential changes to the layout of the Holland from the overwhelming male majority: ratio. Imperial College, the country’s – where sexism pervades every part of Club, now is the time to take your points to science is for men, typing is for women. top science and technology university, life from The Sun to the billboards on those who have the power to represent your But these are just stupid boys being constantly admits twice as many male Cromwell Road – Imperial is positively views and gain a deeper understanding of boorish with friends and an old profes- applicants as female ones. Although Are you a progressive. the entire situation from those who direct- sor out of touch with modern social this is certainly not a conscious bias multi plati- But we really need to aim higher. As ly at the centre of any potential changes. norms, sexism is to be expected; surely by admissions tutors, to an outsider it num selling students we should be leading the fi ght There is no choice but to attend the meet- we can fi nd more rounded views from implicitly suggests that, in the world rap artist against sexism, not helping to perpetu- ing and make your voice heard, and to listen the mature, creative students who write of Imperial, men are considered better and think ate discrimination. If you care – and I to all the evidence (or lack thereof) on offer for the student newspaper? But no. Fe- at science and engineering than wom- misogyny is hope you do – then read a book, write in a hope for transparency, rather than al- lix, too, has a healthy dose of misogyny en. This is clearly something likely to a way of life? an article, go on a protest, maybe even leged truths. in its pages. make a potential female applicant de- Why not tell start the Imperial Feminist Society. You will, perhaps, remember the sa- cide against applying to the university. everyone at: And, most importantly, get angry. Sex- tirical character “Gurl with Opinions”. All this (you would think) should felixonline. ism: it’s everywhere and it’s worth get- To the writer of these dreadful and un- be fertile ground for a student society co.uk ting really fucking annoyed about. FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 19 COMMENT Abandon all hope all ye who neglect your community

ack home in the Mid- community in this case, became angry lands, there is an ex- and even felt neglected (as Thomas tremely popular bus Phillip’s recent Comment article sug- company known as Trent gested). Barton. Like just about Simply looking after the people everyB other bus company in the world, whose patronage you rely upon could you get on the bus, you pay some mon- have prevented a lot of this from hap- ey, and they drive you to where you pening. A lack of communication leaves want to go. Some of their competitors the community out of the loop and dis- are faster at getting to some destina- connected – ruining the potentially ex- tions, and are sometimes cheaper too. cellent relationship that an organization Philip Kent So why do they remain much loved and could have with its community. admired throughout the East Midlands? College is not the only one guilty of The reason for this is clear: they value this. We can look at Elsevier, for ex- the community they created around ample. Controversial business practices their products. alienated the community – causing If you have a product, there is a mas- them to revolt, as we saw with the re- sive amount of potential to tap into the cent boycott. By treating them in a way If a giant mango can’t get you to ditch the car, then what will? community you have. If you have us- that they could not agree with, their ers, they are there for your use. Think- community turned against the compa- ing of bringing out a new brand? Ask ny, which did not aid them; and the bad has a duty to look after the community, body. The company or organization them for their opinion. Need a new ad- press worsened their reputation. Again, and that for a private organization this in question loses trust, and as a result, vertising campaign? Run a promotion by simply working with the commu- is not necessary. And it is true, public custom and reputation. It becomes less with your customers. This increases nity, such as by holding discussions to bodies should – one can consider it a re- likely that people recommend friends customer satisfaction, makes them feel see if what they were doing was popu- sponsibility of using funds provided by to their services, and they can even appreciated, and can even be good PR lar, this whole disaster could have been taxpayers (and is also why it is so sad become labelled as ‘nasty people’ or MotivatedMotMotivaivat and for the company. averted. that many establishments are seeming ‘bullies’ – we just have to look at the Indeed, it just goes to show that a And why is it that organizations such to become increasingly more commer- recent outrage over the bonus of RBS happy staff s provide company is not just about making mon- as John Lewis are often more trusted cially focused – run as companies and boss Stephen Heston for an example of ey, at least not in the current day and and liked than competitors such as not institutions). And it is true, public the ill-feeling that can result from such a better level of age. It’s about looking after your com- House of Fraser (according to a You- bodies should: one can consider it a re- a disconnect. In my eyes, it would not munity and making them feel appreci- Gov study)? It’s a well-known fact that sponsibility of using funds provided by be unfair to call it commercial suicide. service to the ated and part of the family – the success John Lewis is a partnership of which taxpayers. This is why it is so sad that Luckily for employees everywhere, “ of Trent Barton is testament to this! all staff has a stake in, and it’s this fair many establishments seem to become dressing up in a giant mango costume customer... whose So why is it, then, that some compa- treatment that looks good in the eyes of increasingly more commercially fo- (as Trent Barton has its staff do) is not nies and organizations treat their com- the community, and increases percep- cused, run as companies and not insti- a necessary part of nurturing the rela- patronage is munity badly, if not ignoring them? As tion of the brand. Motivated and happy tutions. But private companies should tionship a company or organization has we have seen on Felix Online, when staff provide a better level of service to take heed too – just because the public with its community. But if trust and actually valuedlued by postgraduates heard of the potential the customer, who feel that they are be- doesn’t run the company doesn’t mean custom is wanted, respecting the com- closure of the Holland Club, they were ing treated well and whose patronage is they don’t have a view over how they munity is a necessary part, and is one the companyny up in arms! Having been left complete- actually valued by the company. are run and how they interact. that must not be forgotten in the urge to ly out of the loop, the postgraduates, the Some would argue that a public body Ruining this relationship helps no- make money and boost profi ts. New” library door, satisfaction skyrockets?

he new Library entrance tioning of the entrance – it was really start building in the winter months the sight of the entrance. The depart- was today unveiled in dangerous and offensive” said one during term time was, without a doubt, ment underwent serious perestroika what is already being student who wished to remain anony- not straightforward. However it was last year resulting in excellent lectur- called a stunning coup mous. entirely vindicated as students were ers losing their jobs and many stu- for students. The en- As well as its clear benefi ts to stu- fi nally able to appreciate some of the dents feeling betrayed by their uni- trance,T which whilst still in the same dents’ comfort and safety, the entrance behind-the-scenes work that goes into versity; however, reaction has been place, now encompasses an incredible will also encourage more students to making Imperial tick. Sure, the li- overwhelmingly positive. “At fi rst 3.75m2, will provide untold numbers use the facilities contained within. “I brary café was cold enough to make I was doubtful that a new entrance with easier access to Imperial’s cov- never used the library before, but I’ll the crew of Frozen Planet think twice could repair the cracks created by the eted study areas. certainly consider it now,” said anoth- about eating there and more crowded restructuring process, but now I’ve It will certainly be a relief to many er student before adding, “although than most places are legally allowed to seen the entrance myself, it’s certain- students to fi nd that the outrageous I’m not sure what I’d do once inside”. be, but there was strong positive feed- ly worth three or four good lecturers” Laurence de ‘face-on’ style previously employed Not only does the new entrance rep- back from interviewed students indi- said 2nd year biochemist Lee Sewell. has been scrapped in favour of two, resent an unheralded show of good cating that the timing of construction With this kind of investment in stu- Lussy Kubisa more acceptable, side entrances. will by Imperial College towards its really made them feel looked after. dents, Imperial will surely look for- “Frankly, I was this close to writing students, but the building work was Students from the Life Sciences ap- ward to rocketing up the student sat- a letter of complaint about the posi- impeccably timed. The decision to peared to be amongst the happiest at isfaction rankings for 2012.

THE FELIX SEX SURVEY ENDS SATURDAY 11 FEB AT 3PM felixonline.co.uk/sexsurvey 22 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX Arts Editors: W i l l P r i n c e Eva Rosenthal ARTS [email protected] The Poets are on holiday: Fusion A step towards cross-f***ing IC joined forces with the RCA to create art inspired by sci- ence; Artifact is happening again this year

What do Lady Gaga, Made in Chelsea, and Chicago have in common? A high level of entertainment. Sex Appeal. Great hair. And Fusion@London. You’ve probably heard of Fusion@London. But you might be wondering what it is and why you should care. Fusion brings together music, dance, and fashion. All four headliners are ones to watch in 2012. Clement Marfo & The FrontLine (rap meets rock meets dubstep), Angel (R&B’s best kept secret), Charli XCX (80’s pop, but better), and Sunday Girl (synth-pop, but melancholic) have all been featured on MTV’s Brand New Artists. On the fashion front, the designers are just as cool as the headliners – Central St. Martin’s grad- uate Ara Jo has dressed the likes of Lady Gaga and Jamelia; designs by LCF’s Jenny Morris can be seen gracing the shoulders of Girls Aloud star Nic- ola Roberts; and Viven of Holloway’s fi fties style dresses can be spotted all over the red carpet. Fu- sion can boast even bigger street cred with names like Jaeger and Hugo Boss – also providing looks. So who has put this all together? Well, the com- mittee and cast are drawn from all over London. That hot girl in your engineering lecture? She’s The early plans for the Central Line extension were quick to be shelved probably modelling lingerie. The guy from the gym in those ridiculously cool high tops and hipster glasses? One of the choreographers. Your house- Meredith Thomas Popular culture, and the arts in particular, has surprise. The exhibition was held last September mate’s boyfriend’s friend? Chances are he’s in it been very slow to come to terms with this reality at Imperial College’s Blyth Gallery. For those too. It is very diffi cult to retain a historical perspec- but a new generation of artists is fi nally begin- who missed it, we had seven exhibits, each with Presented by Binky, Hugo, and Spenser from tive of the present. Artistic movements only ac- ning to tackle the reality of our age. An age best their own imaginative take on the theme. These Made in Chelsea, Fusion@London is a collective quire recognition and an associated nomencla- described as scientifi cally enlightened but so- pieces included ceramics, glassware and book- effort by students from all cultures, all universi- ture once they are well established, or in many cially and politically backwards world. One sees bindings on themes as diverse as viral evolution, ties, and all disciplines to raise as much money cases once they have peaked. However, I am go- evidence of this slow shift everywhere. Rambert environmentalism and MRI tomography. I ob- as possible for Cancer Research UK. And it’s no ing to stick my neck out to predict that art histo- Dance School now has a scientist in residence served a real curiosity on the part of the artists bake sale (those rock though). It’s twelve months ries yet to be written will refer to ‘Sciencism’ or and Imperial College Physics Department has an to understand the work of the various scientists of hard work. Money invested on lights, music, ‘Technophilism’ originating in our time. Perhaps artist in residence. David Hockney paints with involved but more importantly an eagerness to choreography, costumes, and venues (plus all the some other silly name will be used, but I stand an iPad and our own Computing Department express a meaningful response. stuff they got for free). And two hundred brains by my hunch. A term will be required to collect programs computers to paint. There are now gal- and bodies working day in, day out, to put this the current dearth of art/science collaborations. leries and arts fairs in London entirely dedicated thing together. Art has always drawn inspiration from scien- to technological new media art. I could, as you “Art has always been an Fusion takes places on the 25th & 26th February tifi c advance and vice versa. One could point to might guess, list examples of projects and artists the Renaissance or Futurism in the early 20th working in this arena for pages, but I will refrain. inspiration for science at Troxy, Limehouse. Tickets are £15, Visit www. fusionatlondon.com for more info. Century as a precedent but at no time in history The truly exciting thing is that this movement has this truly cross-disciplinary conduit been is happening now, today, in this city. What is and vice versa” more alive with crackling, electric energy. more, you have a chance to contribute. It was my own interest and enthusiasm for art/science col- laborations which lead me to chair Artifact last This meaningfulness is important. It is not “Welcome to the world, year. For those of you who have not heard of the enough for art to simply draw on the imagery project, the basic premise was to pair scientists of science nor to simply exploit new methods of Sciencism. I hope some- from Imperial College with artists and design- producing work. Art is important because it can ers from the Royal College of Art. We sought react and respond in a considered yet emotive one fi nds a better name to provide a central forum where people could way to its infl uences. If science refl ects society’s exchange ideas and inspire each other’s work, rational, analytical aspect, then art is the exhibi- for you” very different from the ad-hoc collaborations I tion of its spiritual and sensitive side. As anyone had seen to date. The enthusiasm was palpable. who has ever been a human will testify, an indi- Almost two hundred people signed up for our vidual will suffer if these two elements are not in We currently live in a society saturated with initial speed-dating just under a year ago. There phase. The same is true for a culture. Welcome technology to an extent never seen before. The were talks from speakers and lots of ideas buzz- to the world Sciencism. I hope someone fi nds a fruits of nanotechnology, genetic engineering, ing around during an extremely fun and lively better name for you. and quantum physics are no longer confi ned to evening. Fusion – the answer to our all our energy needs the space program and international research es- So, after the hangovers had dissipated, what Speed dating will take place on Feb 23. tablishments. These developments are present in actually materialised from the hours of talking Please email [email protected] for our pockets, on our plates and in our hospitals. and the brainstorming? Quite a lot, rather to my more information FELIX Friday 10 FEBRUARY 2012 23 ARTS Veni, Vidi, Vinci Deepka Rana and George Howard came to the Leonardo exhibition, had a look around then, err, wrote a review, unearthing a few conspiracy theories along the way

e would never claim to have an impressive bank of knowledge of the arts, however this didW not reduce the sheer excitement felt when, against all odds, we secured a set of, now hallowed, tickets to the Leon- ardo da Vinci exhibition. Since November, more than half of the Old Master’s existing paintings and a multitude of his drawings have been hanging within the halls of the National Gallery’s Sainsbury Wing. Insured for a breathtaking £1.5bn, the collection was remarkable for its unprecedented scale, displaying paint- ings and drawings never before seen together. In fact, this was an exhibi- tion of many fi rsts – notably, the two versions of the ‘Virgin of the Rocks ‘ could be seen facing each other - and certainly did not disappoint as a once- in-a-lifetime show. The selected works, shown under the title of Painter at the Court of Milan chronicled the time Leonardo spent in the employment of Ludovico Sforza, the Duke of Milan, during the late 15th Century. It was this partner- ship that was responsible for the re- markable metamorphosis of the art of painting that took place during his 18- year residency; although Leonardo did The consumer response to the release of the Samsung Galaxy Tab didn’t quite match that of its competitors not complete a great number paintings in his lifetime, this particular period was responsible for some of his most revered work. of human hands, a woman’s head from long term mistress) in ‘Lady with an poured into each of his works, with ardo’s students on canvas. Leonardo’s varying angles and the paws of an ani- Ermine’, da Vinci gives the subjects some elements so similar that it was original, painted on the wall of the mal are just a few examples; placed such perfect features that it was often hard to imagine that they were painted Santa Maria delle Grazie monastery in “This was an exhibi- later into a fi nal painting, the sketches questionable whether he actually paid independently of each other. To be Milan, has sadly hugely deteriorated give a sense of déjà vu when viewing much heed to the sitter’s true form. able to stand in the centre of a room since his time, partly due to the ex- tion of many fi rsts – the fi nal piece for the fi rst time. These This idealisation was fuelled in part with these two masterpieces on either perimental materials the artist used to paintings were not created in fl ashes by the belief that outer beauty refl ect- side for comparison was a truly amaz- seal the wall after painting. However, a once-in-a-lifetime of inspiration, but were the product of ed the virtue within a person. In fact ing experience. two contemporary copies do luckily years of study in the pursuit of perfec- the portrait of Cecilia was deemed so exist which provide a valuable record show” tion. beautiful that it moved Bellincinio, a of the original. In fact perfection, and in particular court poet, to write a poem about it, “Idealised beauty This scene has been subject to many idealised beauty, was another theme displayed in the exhibition adjacent to a conspiracy theory in its time; ranging It was almost reassuring to fi nd that, that ran throughout this particular se- the painting itself. was a theme that ran from the presence of a pregnant Mary even for a master craftsman like Da lection of pieces, and indeed through This review could not pass without Magdalene to stories of the chalice Vinci, the mantra of ‘practice makes all of da Vinci’s work. In his portrayal a mention of the extraordinary agree- throughout this se- and the Knights Templar. Some have perfect’ still holds. Adorning many of women, such as Cecilia (Sforza’s ment with the Louvre that allowed for even gone to such lengths as to super- walls was a wide selection of com- the remarkable sight of both versions lection of pieces” impose a mirror image of the painting, paratively small sketches or ‘studies’, of the ‘Virgin of the Rocks’ hanging and ‘see’ a Templar Knight and a baby most of which are part of the Royal side by side. This was a juxtaposition pictured, raising many questions as to Collection, on loan from Her Maj- never seen during Leonardo’s lifetime, The fi nal ‘pièce de résistance’, Leonardo’s true intentions in his por- esty the Queen. Leonardo used these or ever since, and is unlikely to be re- reached by a short detour into the trayal of biblical scenes. Unable to ob- to practice the many intricate details peated. Although superfi cially similar, bowels of the main gallery, was most tain any comment from His Holiness of his paintings before beginning the the subtle intricacies of the two works defi nitely worth the suspense. Enter- the Pope, the authors can neither deny actual piece. The importance of these revealed how Da Vinci’s technique ing the second part of the Da Vinci nor confi rm such theories… studies can truly be appreciated as the and style changed over his time in exhibit, and turning the corner, one exhibition continues from room to Milan. They also served to emphasise was greeted by the awe inspiring Last Unfortunately, Leonardo at the Na- He knows room. Rough sketches such as those the attention to detail that Leonardo Supper, reproduced by one of Leon- tional Gallery has since fi nished 24 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Picocon returns to Imperial College Annual Science Fiction convention celebrates 2012 with apocalypse theme

Maciej Matuszewski of Dodgy Merchandise’. The latter is the Apt series, set in a world populated a long held tradition Picocon and of- by races of people having the charac- The Science Fiction, Fantasy and Goth- ten involves liquid nitrogen and large teristics of different insects. Justina ic Horror Society is preparing for its sledgehammers. Guests are encour- Robson is the author of the Quantum annual convention, Picocon, due to take aged to bring their own contributions Gravity series and the highly acclaimed place on Saturday 18 February at the to destroyed. In addition, there will be Natural History, which explores the Imperial College Union. Picocon has stalls selling books and offi cial Picocon confl ict between normal and genetical- gone from strength to strength since it T-shirt as well as all day LAN gaming ly engineered humans in the far future. started in 1984 and this year’s event has featuring Unreal Tournament 2003 and The Guardian has called her “one of all the makings of being one the best the theme-appropriate DEFCON, pro- the very best of the new British hard SF ones yet. duced by Introversion – a company set writers”. Tricia Sullivan writes mainly Given the theories relating to the end up by former Imperial students. science fi ction, with a fantasy trilogy of the world in 2012 the theme this time written under the pseudonym of Valery is “Apocalypses”. Upon arrival guests Leith. Her novel Dreaming in Smoke will be sorted into three teams, each “The Destruction of won the prestigious Arthur C. Clarke based on a different type of apocalypse award – often considered as the science – nuclear, zombies, and giant Elder God Dodgy Merchandise” fi ction equivalent of the Booker Prize. tentacles from the sky. A scavenger All are welcome to attend with entry hunt for items such as “a non-euclidean The highlight of the day looks set to £8 for students, £5 for society members triangle” and “happiness of greater than be the three guests of honour, who will and £10 for others. Doors open at 10am or equal to 0.1M concentration” will al- be giving individual talks as well as for what promises to be an exciting day, low people to earn points for their team. participating in a group panel. Adrian and not just for fans of fantasy and sci- Other planned activities include a Tchaikovsky is a fantasy author well ence fi ction. More information can be quiz, silly games, and the ‘Destruction liked for his long running Shadows of found at www.icsf.org/picocon. FELIX Friday 10 February 2012 25

Music Editors: Simon Hunter Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Alex Ramadan Mark England [email protected] MUSIC Kadhim’s totally hot album of the week Jaar does the rounds George Jeffery’s Ross Gray on Nicolas Jaar at the Roundhouse A beginner’s guide to Django Django post-hardcore Django Django Because Music 2012 Lesson 5: The Fall of Troy

I’m bAAAAAck! Terribly sorry about last week; unfortunately my ghostwriter was on holiday, so doing my column was a bit trick- ier than expected. But now that he’s taken his leave for the next 12 years, we can continue on as normal. Django Django’s Django Django is this week’s Totally Hot Album of the Week (try saying that while covered in cheese, hang- This week’s band have arguably had the most ing upside down from a monkey’s uncle). The mainstream success out of all the bands that will 1st class students amongst you may have no- feature in this series and prove that post-hardcore ticed that, that sentence didn’t make sense; this music, while perhaps a relatively niche genre, album is just as awesomely weird. Get your foot away from my face comes in various shapes and sizes. There comes a point in a lecture, just mo- The Fall of Troy split recently after their brief but ments before the end of a long and complex fruitful career. They released their fi rst full-length derivation, when your higher brain functions n Thursday the 3rd of February, met with great joy by the rest of the audience. album when they were just 17-years-old, to vast collapse. 30 minutes of barely comprehensible my fl atmate and I decided to Everything implied that the rest of the audi- underground success. This then led to them being lecturing lead you to the end of the Yellow take a risk. We decided to pay ence was pumped for an upbeat, dancey set asked to return to the studio to record their sec- Brick Road when out of nowhere your brain for a gig that cost more than from Nicolas Jaar. We derided their idiocy, ond release Doppelgänger and boy did they deliver. says, “Fuck this”. £15 and wasn’t run by ATP – assuming that his live set would be similar to This album is a milestone in the history of post- At those times, you need something differ- Oa risk we would come to bitterly regret. The his studio work – quiet, subtle, beautiful – but hardcore and rock music in general. I truly can’t ent, something to cleanse the mental palate; gig in question was Nicolas Jaar’s Clown we received a slap in the face when it turned stress enough how much of a masterpiece this re- maybe something a bit 60s; maybe something & Sunset showcase at Roundhouse, a pretty out the idiots were right. He opened with an cord is, and if you like any type of heavy rock then a bit psychedelic rock; maybe something Paul large venue. As far as we had gathered from all ambient number, which was met by repeated you have to listen to it at least once. When you Simon-esque? Ahhh, Django Django, you are of the promotional material, more than just a whopping and yelling by the audience. I tried listen to Doppelgänger, or any of their albums for the perfect cure to a hectic week. Nicolas Jaar show, this was an opportunity for to get some sense of respect by shouting “shut that matter, you realise that The Fall of Troy don’t Like a crisp, chilly lemon sorbet, Django him to showcase the talent from his new label. the fuck up” at a particularly loud guy, but sad- mess about. On putting the CD into the player, Django isn’t for large-scale consumption. But Disappointingly, the gurned up north London ly this just fuelled him on further. Apparently you’re ears are immediately graced with a wailing if you feel like heavy weights are pressing into hipsters, with too much money to piss away bored by the only track bearing much resem- tapping riff from guitarist and singer Thomas Erak your temples, this album could be your sav- on gigs they seemingly don’t even care about, blance to Jaar’s studio work, he shouted “drop (who most fans consider something of a deity) and iour. apparently didn’t agree. a bassline Nico!! YEAAAAHHHH!!!” I re- this opening explosion of noise seems to just con- Soul Keita, an extremely talented 18-year- mained silent this time, hoping that Jaar would tinue for the duration of the album. If you feel irreconciably aggrieved by this old from Ethiopia, was performing his fi rst come through for me and provide a set full of The band is known for Erak’s immense guitar column’s absence last week, tweet me @kad- ever live show. A fantastic blend of minimal minimal beats, subdued piano and hushed vo- playing skill with every lick being something spe- himshubber and call me “a swine!” Alterna- beats, jazz and soul samples, and at times cals. He then proceeded to destroy all of my cial, whether it‘s a heavy breakdown or intricate tively go post some Imperial-related memes on odd drum patterns and vocal samples was dreams by launching a huge beat, destroying math-style piece. For this reason, the band is facebook.com/ImperialMemes accompanied by a massive screen fi lled with the nuance that makes his tracks so different. widely loved by guitar players of all musical prefer- mind boggling visuals and quotes from Guy Eventually I managed to get into this style ence. Doppelgänger brought The Fall of Troy (rela- Debord’s The Society of the Spectacle. We of presenting his material (although my fl at- tively minor) mainstream success, mainly from the struggled to listen over the incessant talking mate was so sickened he had to move out of track ‘F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X’ which was featured in sever- from everybody around us – there was no way the centre to the edges) and did have a good Be sure not to miss... al video games including Guitar Hero III. Although to shush as everyone around us was talking. time dancing. I couldn’t help but feel, how- this track is not one of their best, if you are new to Not only did it completely ruin the (as far as ever, that if I wanted to dance about to some hardcore then I would defi nitely recommend it to The White Lions I could tell) promising performance, I felt it thumping 4/4 bass with a bunch of pilled-up ‘break you in’ so to speak. was incredibly disrespectful to a man who has morons I could have just gone to a club night, The Dublin Castle Their subsequent albums saw them drop such Camden Town just travelled all the way from Ethiopia to give which these days I try my best to avoid. Luck- an aggressive line in the song-writing procedure, Saturday 11, Feburary his live debut. We hoped that the actions of the ily, toward the end of the set, and much to the although they continued to show great musical audience would be a one-off, but sadly they dismay of everyone else, Dave Harrington Don’t miss this Imperial band’s spir- skill. If you like your hardcore hard then stick to were a sign of things to come. came on and performed the Darkside EP in its ited takeover of the Camden night the older stuff and check out the recommenda- Soul Keita’s brilliant live set was followed entirety, with some lovely pedal work on the light. Lying somewhere between tion below, if not then what the fuck are you doing by one and a half hours of average DJing from guitar and a little more subtlety to the music. sleepy psychedelia and alternative here anyway you pansyman!? Nah, just kidding, Acid Pauli. Apparently this was when the We left during the second encore as it was rock, their songs let shine a gentle try ‘F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X’ for something a bit softer and drugs kicked in for the rest of the mugs as they starting to get a little needy, and generally I ap- crafting of riffery and intimacy. remember to come back next week when I’ll be felt a DJ set of tracks pretty similar to what preciate some modesty from artists. Also, one Heartthrob vocals colour the cracking into the UK underground scene; it’s going Soul Keita was doing live was more silence hour and forty minutes of being surrounded by crooning instrumentation, bearing to be a good’un! and dance-worthy than the interesting live set people doused in sweat and smashing into me a likeness to British Sea Power. that had come before. As if a higher power was constantly was beginning to get a little tire- Reminding of The Durutti Column, Writer’s Recommendation just trying to anger me more, on top of the ex- some. I would surmise that if you like Nicolas guitars echo past, wrapping you in a treme irritation caused by the idiocy surround- Jaar’s music for everything that makes it good, fuzzy blanket of distortion while the Listen to ‘Laces Out, Dan!’ – a personal favourite ing me, the set was ended with remixes of Ra- and wouldn’t say while listening to his albums sparse low end sway lulls you along. of mine, although a bit heavier than some of their diohead’s ‘Creep’ and Joy Division’s ‘Love “GOD I wish this had more bass on it”, you Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto other tracks. Will Tear us Apart’ songs I found interesting should probably never see him live; especially when I was 11. Obviously these tracks were not for £22 a ticket at the Roundhouse. 26 Friday 10 February 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Top 10 Box Offi ce fi lms in the UK this week Are 3D fi lms worth it? Matthew Colvin is not convinced by the latest Hollywood invention

1) Chronicle – 12A – Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan

2) Journey 2: The Mysterious Island – PG – Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Michael Caine Even the great Yoda cannot escape this 3D craze – his force clearly wasn’t strong enough

3) The Descendants – 15 – George Cloo- ney, Shailene Woodley, Amara Miller long time ago, in a multiplex not slashers (The Final Destination, Final Desti- no less than Best Film at the Academy Awards. so far away, Star Wars: Episode nation 5), bog-standard action fi lms (Clash of And 3D shows no signs of slowing down at I – The Phantom Menace was re- the Titans, anyone?) and animated fi lms, re- the multiplexes. Other big-hitters scheduled leased to a baying public, hungry turning to the concept of Episode I’s original for this year include Marc Webb’s reboot of 4) War Horse – 12A – Jeremy Irvine, Emily for the most hyped fi lm of the release and becoming a way of drawing young- the Spider-Man franchise with The Amazing Amillennium. As parents accompanying their sters in, at now exorbitant costs. Spider-Man and not forgetting Peter Jackson’s Watson, Tom Hiddleston children fell asleep and grown adults cried Under normal circumstances, and with such return to Middle Earth with the fi rst of his two- out in horror at their collective childhood be- a bevy of not-so-great fi lms under its belt, I parted adaption of The Hobbit. ing destroyed by what they were watching on would argue against the format entirely, cit- These are big blockbusters, however. And 5) Jack and Jill – PG – Adam Sandler, Ka- screen, the eight-year-old me sat there, dazzled ing its very existence as a demonstration of the I’m wary as to the exact input the directors tie Holmes, Al Pacino by the then groundbreaking special effects and worst Hollywood excess; a vehicle for visual have had behind the scenes. J.J. Abrams, di- Liam Neeson. Watching it today, of course, I spectacle over any semblance of emotional res- rector of the upcoming Star Trek sequel, has note the many, many obvious fl aws and its en- onance. Cheap thrills dressed up as expensive stated in an interview that he didn’t “fi ght” for tire existence as a merchandising opportunity, entertainment. In short, a gimmick. I would the use of 3D in the sequel, heralding its use but it still holds a special place in my cinematic gladly side with the most stringent of naysay- as a studio decision over anything else. Peter 6) Man on a Ledge - 12A - Sam Worthing- memory. A special place that is in the process ers, arguing against the dimness that 3D glass- Jackson, on the other hand, remains full of ad- ton, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell, Ed Harris of being tainted by a 3D re-release this week. es over, sucking the colour from even the most miration for the concept of using 3D to shoot 3D and me? We don’t really get along. The vibrant of fi lms. I would argue that the practise fi lms. proliferation of inter-dimensional spectacles of 3D fi lms are a means of studios squeezing It’s not going anywhere fast – not as long as has joined food and drink as one of my (pre- extra cash from its audiences. I realised this it remains the industry’s biggest money spin- 7) The Grey - 15 - Liam Neeson, Dermot tentious) pet hates of the cinema. I’ve managed most of all with Tron: Legacy. If ever there was ner outside of Christopher Nolan. I still remain Mulroney, Frank Grillo to put up with it over its various novelty resur- a fi lm most ‘suited’ to the format, it was this to be convinced, given Hollywood’s unlearn- gences over the years. Heck, I even enjoyed the video-game based fantasy. Unfortunately the ing focus on profi t and keeping shareholders experience the fi rst time I saw it, used for an best part of it was the Daft Punk soundtrack. happy. Just look at sequels and, well, George educational fi lm in the Science Museum when A feast for the ears rather than the eyes, es- Lucas. 8) A Monster in Paris – U – Adam Gold- I was a young’un. pecially since the 3D glasses dimmed out the At the end of the day, 3D is an elaborate ma- berg, Bob Balaban, Catherine O’Hara And then along came Avatar in 2009. I could already dark imagery. gician’s trick. But it’s a noticeable one. Give accept this. What appeared to be an ambitious And yet, here comes Martin Scorsese, me a couple of auteurs ready to take the format fi lm (at least visually) by an accomplished di- fresh from pitting Marky Mark against Jason in a new direction, akin to Nolan and IMAX, rector who clearly wanted to push the format, Bourne in one of his many Very Serious Adult or Scorsese with his Oscar-nominated antics, 9) The Artist – PG – Jean Dujardin, Béré- despite its lingering limitations, was to be Films (read: The Departed) with Hugo, fi lmed and I’ll start to pay more attention. nice Bejo, John Goodman, James Crom- praised. Hey, at least we were out of the red with 3D fi rmly in mind. An acclaimed direc- Until then, it’s 2D for me. That is, after I’ve well and cyan fl imsy plastic glasses phase. No, it tor, winner of countless awards, taking the queued up fi rst in line for Star Wars: Episode I was the consequence of Avatar’s success that format and running with it. Creating what I – The Phantom Menace 3D. Sorry, but I really offended me. The complete saturation of cine- thought never possible, a 3D fi lm with heart, a do have to see intergalactic trade disputes in a mas with 3D fi lms, turning the multiplexes into 3D fi lm that wows the critics with its heart and whole new dimension. 10) Carnage – 15 – Jodie Foster, Kate fairground rides rather than, well, cinemas. well as spectacle, where 3D is no longer a gim- Winslet, John C. Reilly, Christoph Waltz The ten-a-penny 3D cash-ins that emerged mick, but is used to draw the viewer into an Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Men- from the shadow of Avatar were relegated to emotional journey. A fi lm that is nominated for ace 3D is out now FELIX Friday 10 February 2012 27 FILM Witness the birth of psychoanalysis

You may be a sex addicted, metal-controlling psychopath – but I will always love you...

Jung (Fassbender) and his patient – and and her subsequent distress, and her develop, so does Knightley’s perfor- servative experience, visually, although A Dangerous Method later lover – Sabina Spielrein (Knight- sexual needs and preferences; she has mance – culminating in a very complex it doesn’t suffer from the stuffi ness of Director David Cronenberg ley) and Jung and his better-known a desperate desire for sado-masochistic character who is displayed beautifully; historical reconstruction that can so of- Screenwriters Christopher Austrian colleague Sigmund Freud sex, and has done from an early age. a far cry from the fi lm’s opening scene ten occur, especially when so much of Hampton (play), John Kerr (novel) (Mortensen). The script is very care- Around the same time, Jung strikes up of her kicking and screaming as she is the drama is fi lmed inside. It has to be Cast Viggo Mortensen, Michael fully written by Christopher Hampton an intellectual relationship with Freud, forcibly carried into a mental hospital. noted that the actors all speak in fl uent Fassbender, Keira Knightley (Atonement, Cheri) based on his criti- who is practicing in Vienna. Although The majority of the scenes between English with varying European accents, Lucy Wiles cally-acclaimed 2002 play The Talking the two men share some ideas, they Fassbender and Mortensen are informa- which was really quite annoying, even Cure, and this combined with Cronen- differ greatly in some aspects, causing tion-heavy and very rigorous – and by if Knightley’s attempt at a Russian ac- A bit of an intense fi lm, this one – a berg’s plain, understated fi lming makes clashes over cigars and brandy. Along- that I also mean a little bit wordy – but cent was quite impressive. The strength very starkly constructed look at a few for a very interesting movie. side this turbulent friendship, Jung’s re- they add a few good pieces of meat to of the fi lm, and of Hampton’s script, strained relationships, most notably The story is told over a short timeline lationship with Spielrein crosses a very the fi lm’s occasionally rattling bones. lies in the fact that the fi lm’s two main that of Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. from 1904 to 1913 – the period in his dangerous line as the boundary between Vincent Cassel’s somewhat brief (some- stories, Jung’s friendship with Freud Having enrolled a few big names in life when Jung seems to develop most patient and doctor crumbles. what unnecessary) appearance as the and his romance with Spielrein, are to- Fassbender, Mortensen and Knightley, as a professional psychiatrist. Though As a good introduction to Freud and psychiatrist Otto Gross is clever, with tally complementary and each cleverly Cronenberg does a very good job here, settled with his wife and children in Zu- Jung’s ideas and their psychoanalytic Gross acting as the devil whispering in sheds light on the other. By the time the despite this fi lm not being his usual rich, he takes on the unsettling case of revolution, the fi lm makes for very good Jung’s left ear, encouraging him to let fi lm leaps forward for a fi nal epilogue cup of tea (his previous works include a young, beautiful, disturbed Russian, viewing. Knightley’s creepy portrayal his instincts have control and resulting in 1934, you feel that Cronenberg and Crash and A History of Violence). A Sabina Spielrein. Though highly intelli- of her character’s wild hysteria and ma- in Jung starting up a sado-masochistic Hampton have succeeded in a full and Dangerous Method is a clear, clever ac- gent, Spielrein is haunted by a troubled niacal moments is very convincing - “I affair with Spielrein (cue nipples on dis- all-too-telling professional and personal count of the overwrought relationships family past, and there is a strong sug- should be put away forever,” she spits play and excessive spanking). portrait of Jung, which has drawn you between top Swiss psychiatrist Carl gested link between this uneasy history – and as Spielrein begins to recover and It cannot be denied that this is a con- in to the end. A fi lm about freeing three Free Willies

Big Miracle start off almost straightaway seeing the around the States, and later the world, of her character, and at some point, she was really this tame. poor three whales trapped under the fl ock to Alaska in the hopes of getting does win people over. Her performance That said, the delightful, uplifting Director Ken Kwapis thick ice of Alaska with only a small a glimpse of the whales. Adam is par- feels genuine, and it’s with her kind of moments are an absolute joy to watch. Screenwriters Jack Amiel, Michael opening providing room for breathing. ticularly glad to see Jill Jerard (Kristen likability that Big Miracle soars past the The beautifully designed whales, Begler, Thomas Rose (novel) Cast Drew Barrymore, John Their only way to escape is fi ve miles Bell), a talented, ambitious young an- usual sugary sweet animal drama. which look incredibly realistic, were Krasinski away, the kind of distance they cannot chor he has fancied for a long time. Clearly aimed for families, and there- in fact, puppets, controlled by hydrau- swim for without coming out of the wa- A rescue mission is put together to fore children, Big Miracle does not lics and robotic technology. Even the John Park ter to breathe; and because of Alaska’s free these whales – a process that does hover over the serious aspects of its plot small, minute details are paid atten- harsh climate, the only air-hole that is not come about easily. But it’s thanks for long. With every diffi culty comes an tion to, most notably on the youngest Whales... gotta love them; and this is keeping them alive is starting to close to Greenpeace worker Rachel Kramer immediate, back-up, almost too conve- whale that becomes severely injured. exactly the kind of emotional response up. (Barrymore) who relentlessly goes after nient answer, without ever exploring to His scarring, as well as his weakened Big Miracle is counting on. Even for Their struggle for survival is uninten- Mayors and Congressmen, that after a much depth the more realistic, pessimis- movement are captured so well that those who couldn’t care less about tionally discovered by Adam Carlson while, her efforts pay off and even The tic side of events. At times it becomes you would mistake it for being a real- animals or the environment, Kwapis’ (Krasinski), a news anchor dispatched White House gets involved in the effort. too simplistic and refuses to look at the life animal. Barrymore and the highly pleasant enough family picture where to Alaska who is looking to make a It’s not initially easy trying to get high big picture. What about the massive fi - reliable Krasinski make a nice couple, we see a group of brave scientists, en- name for himself despite being in a political staff interested in a few whales nancial cost this must have had? Surely with supporting players Ted Danson, vironmental activists, reporters, native place that hardly generates any substan- struggling to survive, but Barrymore not everyone was up for spending tax Dermot Mulroney and Bell all chipping Alaskans, and Russians (??), trying to tial news for the rest of the world to see. speaks with humour, heart and convic- dollars rescuing some animals? Perhaps in to complete a more than watchable rescue three trapped California Grey What starts off as a local sensation turns tion. Her endless passion on this subject I’m over-thinking this, but when a fi lm ensemble. Big Miracle is sweet, often Whales will have enough emotional im- into a national news topic, where even matter may be hard to comprehend at moves this comfortably, without much funny and touching: a trifecta needed pact to tug at the heart strings. people in sunny California are capti- fi rst, or even particularly like, but the fuss, it is only natural to wonder wheth- for every family fi lm to entertain the Inspired by true events of 1988, we vated by the news. Reporters from all actress’ consistent effort mirrors that er the true events on which this is based parents as well as the kids. 28 Friday 10 February 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Felix Film talks to Aragorn Lucy Wiles interviews Viggo Mortensen, the star of A Dangerous Method

ast week, Felix Film was in that play than in my last ten or fi fteen lucky enough to wangle years in fi lming,” he says, seriously. a seat in a round-table “There’s no saying cut, you just fi gure interview with Viggo it out; it’s like an hour and forty min- Mortensen – yes, an ac- utes long take. I really loved it, loved tualL real actor – who played Freud quite the connection with the audience.” brilliantly in A Dangerous Method. The Mortensen speaks about how he likes interview took place at Freud’s old Lon- hearing how the audience truly reacts don house (which is now the quaint and to a fi lm, and admits that he has been interesting Freud Museum, hidden in to see his movies aside from premieres. a residential area of North London) in “It’s more interesting to see them with a Freud’s drawing room, around Freud’s regular paying audience because there’s table… it was all rather strange, ac- no favouritism, just people reacting tually. You feel a little bit intrusive honestly… that’s probably the best way – Mortensen describes our ability to to see it,” he muses. wander round Freud’s house and touch Moving back onto the subject of his things as “perhaps wrong… maybe Freud, Mortensen is asked what scene tacky,” although he later laughs that he he would have liked to have elaborated got over it when researching his char- on in A Dangerous Method, given the acter. It is clear that Viggo Mortensen Dear Mr Mortensen, will you be my Valentine? opportunity. is a very polite, very considered man, “I don’t think anything was miss- who has clearly spent a great deal of ing from the slice of time that we were time studying Freud for this role, and Freud’s academic ideas. Mortensen ing as far as to likening Freud’s sharp, do have to face it – with fears of ‘am I dealing with,” he says, “But it might seemed happy to have a conversation studied Freud’s posture, the way he dry sense of humour to his director’s; going to fail this time’ ‘I haven’t tried have been interesting to see Freud in with us about it all. sat, how he held his cigars, and how he “It maybe helped make it a such a good this before’… some actors get tired and the United States in 1909 lecturing and Having visited the Freud museums composed himself in order to get a clear movie.” they get lazy. And it’s safer to repeat interacting with Americans, not just in both London and Vienna, Mortensen picture to represent – quite a feat for Talk moved onto David Cronenberg, something you know works, and that American academics, but American tells us how he enjoyed getting a real Mortensen to have accomplished from the director of A Dangerous Method. you have a target audience for. Some audiences. [A brief scene in the movie feel for the places – Freud’s home in the limited descriptions of his character. When asked if Cronenberg told his the actors perfect [their repeated role] in shows Freud and Jung getting onto the Vienna was temporarily ransacked by He adds that he had to smoke a lot of ci- reason for his casting, Mortensen says, a ‘zen fashion’, some challenge them- boat to go to America for a conference.] the fi lm crew for props and artifacts, so gars on set – “He [Freud] smoked twen- modestly, “He never came right out and selves to new roles. “Actors who like He had a lot of preconceived ideas - the London home actually gave him the ty-two [a day], but I had to smoke many said it… I guess there was something myself are terrifi ed of doing a bad job… not all good, mostly not good - about best idea of what Freud’s home looked more parts of cigars!” he laughs, adding right.” He remembers how much fun it you don’t want to let anyone down, Americans!” Talking about a very well- like. “I liked thinking of him in the that it was hard to get used to, as well as is working on set with Cronenberg, and don’t want to let yourself down,” he acted (not that Mortensen mentioned garden, seeing the images of him back being hard to recover from. However, it cites this as one of the main reasons he tell us. “And it takes a lot of work to do that himself!) scene where Jung has a there,” he says, while wandering around wasn’t all bad as the cigars hold happy decided to take on the role, alongside it, so you want to do it right… Life is fi rst class ticket on the boat, and Freud the room and looking interestedly into childhood memories for Mortensen, Cronenberg’s interesting ideas and at- short, why not try and do the best you doesn’t react to it although clearly put the garden, “That always helps me as an whose grandfather (who was a farmer tention to detail. “Its’ fun working with can?” out, Mortensen says, “I think he [Freud] actor.” The fi lm itself was mostly fi lmed in Denmark) smoked them, and his David… he’s excited, running around,” Mortensen clearly prefers to take a was a natural gentleman, and although in a studio in Cologne, Germany, where grandparents house smelled like it. grins Mortensen. “David remembers risk once in a while and work hard to the Jungians or anti-Freudians might the interiors of Jung’s house and Freud’s “The sense of smell is defi nitely under- that, after all, it is play. It’s make-be- perfect a role – he clearly is unhappy disagree, I would say that he was essen- offi ce were copied down to the very last rated,” he says. lieve. It’s a game which he enjoys play- with the idea of ‘staling’ and being tially a modest person and a generous possible detail – Mortensen tells us that It was mentioned in the interview that ing.” Despite many critics saying that the same kind of character over and person… But he could also be very cut- the fi lm’s director David Cronenberg Freud’s witty side is not so well known, this is a departure from Cronenberg’s over. “It’s approaching new things that ting, he didn’t take well to being con- even had the blueprints of both houses and it was asked whether Mortensen usual type of movie, Mortensen insists makes me afraid.” He is happy to take tradicted… He was insecure - like we so that the sets were really perfect. The was keen to show this side of him. He that it’s not so strange. “I thought East- a gamble on a role, providing a good all are.” Which again brings to light just exterior for Jung’s house was fi lmed spoke about his initial worry that Freud ern Promises was quite different from director he can trust feels he’s up to the how much work Mortensen put into the in southern Germany, as well as a few was just a ‘stern academic type’, and A History of Violence, and this fi lm was part. “Although I don’t think any other role. other little scenes in various places. that his portrayal would be hugely dif- quite different from those two.” He goes director in the world except Cronenberg We idly discuss how much we en- It’s well known that Mortensen is fi cult – especially as his part in this fi lm on to praise his director: “I don’t think would have thought that I was right for joyed the fi lm, even though a few of us keen on researching his roles, immers- involves long stints of intellectual dia- he imitates himself… he’s not at a lack Freud!” he chuckles. Having just fi n- had very little knowledge of Freud or ing themselves in their lives as much logue. On discovering his love of jokes for good ideas. Some living directors ished a run of the theatre production Jung. “I don’t think you have to know as he can. When asked whether there and humour, however, Mortensen was who’ve been making movies for forty ‘Purgatorio’ in Spain, which involved anything about psychoanalysis, or the was simply too much to absorb with as less concerned, and found out more years like he has… become less inter- just two actors (Mortensen and an ac- history of psychoanalysis, to enjoy this complex a character as Freud, he spoke about this side of Freud. “He even sup- esting as directors, and seem trapped by tress) on stage for almost two hours, movie,” says Mortensen, “Because it’s about the impossibility to absorb a per- posedly once met up with Mark Twain, peoples perceptions of them.” with no interval and no scene changes, essentially about people who are in- son’s whole life in such a short time and they sat and smoked cigars and told Having discussed the idea of direc- Mortensen knows about a challenge. “It teresting, who are intelligent, who are frame. “If I had a choice, I’d always jokes for hours,” he smiled. Unlike his tors becoming less interesting because was terrifying,” he remembers, “Those very ambitious and keen to make their ask for more time,” he shrugs. In his academic peers, Freud chose to spurn of ‘staying safe’ strategies, it was won- fi rst performances I was thinking ‘what mark in their fi eld, but who are also short period of preparation however, it Latin and Greek vocabulary, and spoke dered aloud whether some actors might have I done?’, but by the end I loved it.” very competitive, jealous insecure and seems Mortensen managed a great deal, in what Mortensen describes as ‘good, have the same problem. “As you get He adds that he felt he owed it to the behave often as childishly as the people amassing vast quantities of articles, pa- clear German’. He didn’t always take older you get tired and it takes a lot to people who wanted to see the play and they are supposed to be helping.” pers and descriptions of Freud, as well himself too seriously, and made many challenge yourself. But then it can be owed it to himself to step up to the chal- And with that, and a brief handshake, as reading through some of Freud’s own jokes and witty asides – untroubled as invigorating, probably rejuvenating,” lenge of intense theatre, and he will al- he was ushered from the room to other work. He assures us that understanding to whether they were recognised or not. says Mortensen, enthusiastically. He ways be glad that he did, as he should - duties. And I didn’t shriek “Aragorn!” Freud’s behaviour and mannerisms is “He was very English, I think, in that clearly feels strongly about this point, the play was a resounding success with at him once. more important for an actor to grasp the way – had a very English sense of hu- and it’s safe to say he doesn’t shy away very good reviews. “I learned more character than simply learning about mour,” remarked Mortensen, even go- from a different kind of role. “But you about acting and thinking on your feet A Dangerous Method is out today FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 29 Fashion Editors: S a s k i a V e r h a g e n Alice Yang [email protected] FASHION

Wanted: Fashionistas with a pen- The forgotten designer chant for art and design As the luxury market continues to profi t, Alice Yang questions what lies Love to sketch and stitch? Fashion Society tells beneath the consumer’s desire for labels you why you should join them

Are you enthused by cutting- s unlikely as it may seem, I Following Galliano’s dismissal just days be- edge design, exquisite detail have found myself swapping fore Dior’s A/W 2011-12 show, the whirlwind and the sheer extravagance the glossy pages of Vogue for of rumours about who would take his place of of the fashion world? Are the less conveniently sized 14 years, leading one of fashion’s most monu- you looking for an outlet to Financial Times this week as mental houses has continued to distract from express your own creativity? theA recently realised fl urry of fi nancial fi gures the fashions on the catwalk, replacing the Do you consider yourself to drag my attention away from the conventional fantasy with fl urries of intrigue. Who would be as ‘chic and fabulous’ as pre-fashion-week buzz. be able to fi ll these prodigious shoes? No Coco Chanel? Even if not, Instead of delighting in the prospect of see- viable options have presented themselves, FashionSoc is defi nitely the ing Michael Kors’ fi rst post-IPO collection of with all prime candidates seemingly con- society for you to kick start luxe loungewear in New York next week, or tent in the positions they currently hold. the fashionable chapter of eagerly awaiting to be swept away by Sarah From Louis Vuitton’s alluringly versa- your life. Burton’s lace and leather embellished god- tile Marc Jacobs, Givenchy’s prince For many, fashion may desses at Alexander McQueen later in Paris; of darkness Riccardo Tisci, the young seem like a waste of space: Why spend your energy, I fi nd myself, rather uncharacteristically, por- and rebellious Haider Ackermann, time and money on buying or designing innovative ing over Christian Dior’s annual earnings re- Jil Sander’s modern man Raf Si- exciting creations for them just to be considered port. mons, and even the designer of blasé in a few months time? Although in the eyes Similar to an oblivious fat seal skimming perfect dresses Azzedine Alaïa, of most, it would be a complete fabrication to say the turbulent waters of the melting Arctic the position remains unfi lled that high-end fashion is practical, let alone an Christian Dior Spring 2010 Couture oceans, not only has the luxury market contin- three seasons later. indispensable component of our everyday lives, ued to plump out its profi ts in such harsh eco- Nevertheless, the house of the intrinsic worth of fabulous clothing, howev- Christian Dior Spring 2010 Couture 2010 Spring Dior Christian nomic times, with multinational luxury goods Dior has continued to fi ll its slot at Paris Christian Dior Fall 2010 Couture er, lies in the pleasure of the aesthetics and conglomerate LVMH’s sales up 14% from fashion week under the undeniably weaker the persona they create. In fact the power of last year on a like-to-like basis, the rumour- hand of Bill Gaytten who spent 15 years as house that does not bear their own clothing far greater than your average person could enshrouded house of Christian Dior has man- the right-hand man of Galliano. Gone are Gal- name must not only have a defi nite ever imagine because if correctly composed, one aged to ride out the storm with increased sales liano’s dramatic tales of dark glamour, and knowledge of the history and culture of the outfi t can change who you are to the world. As Adam of 21% over the last three quarters of 2011. never again will our hearts fl utter at the sight brand, but also their own vision which must Gallagher (blogger, stylist) put it, “What you wear is Instead of joining the shareholders of said of a tulip dress or yearn to go riding side- inspire and convince consumers of the next how you present yourself to the world, especially to- companies in celebrating such fi gures as we saddle in masterfully tailored jackets before generation that their designs will endure, just day, when human contacts are so quick. Fashion is count down the days until the catwalks kick being swept away to a ball swathed in layers like the illustrious name of Christian Dior. instant language.” in, I fi nd myself agonizing over the future of of satin. The despairing answer that I must postulate This month will mark the rebirth of FashionSoc. high-end fashion and grieving for one of the This is not to say that Gaytten hasn’t made is that the majority of customers who fund A new enthusiastic committee has formed, and we industry’s most talented creative geniuses. a fair attempt at trying to fi ll the position un- these labels no longer care about the design- are working hard to restore the society and save it The scandal that erupted just under a year ceremoniously laid at his door, but given 15 ers behind the house’s name. Rather than from dormancy. To make up for lost time, we are or- ago concerning anti-Semitic remarks made years of working under the promiscuous vi- relish in the artistic talent and craftsmanship ganising as many workshops, events and socials as by John Galliano (former Creative Director sionary of design that Galliano undoubtedly of the garment they don, they care only that possible, so the rest of this term is jam-packed with at Christian Dior) sent a tornado through the was, you might have suspected a somewhat its price tag is beyond what their dry cleaner creative activities. On top of this we are giving our industry and has since become a story deeply stronger desire to show the world his own earns in half a year and that upon removing members the opportunity to experience the fashion carved into the gilt-edged history books of well of pent up talent. Alas, that has not been their plush coat, their contemporaries’ butlers world through trips to exhibitions and shows, be- fashion. the case. Instead, the former will see a famous brand name sewn into the cause the best way to learn to is be well-informed in house of dreams has given nape of the silk-satin lining. the work of others. us season after season of Our aim for FashionSoc is to provide members restrained, safe designs with the opportunity to learn a variety of design and and far too heavy a re- “The majority of making techniques in our weekly workshops that liance on Christian will run from February 14 where we will be decorat- Dior’s legend- customers who fund ing masks in RSM G1, (and will occur every Tuesday ary archives, these labels no longer evening 6:30-8:30 henceforth). We are also looking resulting in to put on our own fashion show in May and are look- craftsmanship care about the designers ing for creative talent and enthusiasm to fuel it. So, of John Gal- regardless of if your style is fl amboyant and wacky liano by continuing behind the house’s or classic and under-stated, as long as you’re pas- to buy, and hence sionate, then we would love to have you on board. support, the house name” If interested, join our Facebook group and mailing that so quickly lists for regular updates. turned on its own saviour? Indisput- As far as I’m concerned, this must be con- ably, what Galliano sidered to be fashion sacrilege. Though it Spring Term Dates said was inexcusable, seems that the opinion of the nouveau riche but do buyers not realise with their glimmering Chanel sunglasses, 14/02: Mask Workshop (RSM G1) that the items they now monogrammed Louis Vuitton bags and jewel 17/02: Masquerade Bar Crawl purchase no longer hold coloured Gucci fur coats couldn’t care less 25/02, 26/02: Fusion that enchanting feel that about Karl Lagerfeld, Marc Jacobs or Frida 04/03: Fashion Museum Trip Galliano breathed into his Giannini and co, let alone the disgraced and 11/03: Day trip to Bath

Christian Dior A/W 2011 every design, and the clear fallen John Galliano. As long as they feel that Christian Dior 2011 S/S

Christian Dior A/W 2010 18/03: Vintage Fashion Fair (Hammersmith) love and understanding he what they’re wearing is distinctively covet- Christian Dior 2010 S/S had of the legend of Dior? able, to them, nothing else matters. And that, Workshops every Tuesday 6:30-8:30 at Imperial It is a prerequisite that a de- my dearest fashion lovers, is most defi nitely College signer taking the reins of a something to grieve about. 30 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX Games Editor: Laurence Pope

GAMES [email protected] Free Web Games Total Annihilation totally Well would you look at that? Two web games again. Aren’t you all amazingly lucky? So here we are, two (not one!) totally awesome web games that you can play right now in your web browser. In order to enjoy annihilates boredom these you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in, which can be installed from http://get. adobe.com/flashplayer/ “This is a fi ght to the death. For each side the only accept- able outcome is the complete elimination of the other” Closure http://www.closuregame.com/closure.php Laurence Pope

Oh, so you were expecting a review on a new game? What new game? January and Febru- ary are hell for game reviews; nothing’s being churned out by the video game companies. So instead, I’m going to take the time to wind the clock back and review a game I played when I was eleven. It was brilliant then and it’s still a masterpiece today. I’m talking about Cavedog Entertainment’s real-time strategy game Total Annihilation. Total Annihilation was a standout game for many reasons, and whilst over 14 years have passed since it was originally released in 1997 it has secured a comfortable place in the hall of video gaming honours. The story is explained in For a Flash game Closure is pretty scary. Well, may- an introductory scene few can forget, the fi nal be not that scary, but certainly sinister. sentences clearly laying out your aim — “This The game is built on the basis of orbs of light is a fi ght to the death. For each side, the only that, when held, light up the level. Drop it, and acceptable outcome is the complete elimination you’re just going to fall into the black abyss. You of the other.” Very few games since have cap- have to manoeuvre your way around the level by ma- tured such badassery in less than 35 seconds. nipulating the glowing orbs to create paths to the exit door. Things only get more difficult when you have to pick up keys and deal with multiple orbs. A “Despite the game’s worthy, if somewhat creepy, challenge. brutish title Total Annihilation requires Tetraform more than just slinging http://armorgames.com/play/5062/ your units across the tetraform map”

Despite this basic goal and the game’s brut- ish title T.A. required more than just grouping be it capturing an important target, stopping The crowing piece though was its mu- a bunch of units and slinging them across the and enemy rush or in one case simply sending sic, composed by Jeremy Soule, featuring a map. Unlike other RTS games at the time T.A. a defenseless target through a well-defended 96-piece orchestra. Depending on events it utilized a multitude of different environments, passage. changed from slow and quiet to fast and fi erce, requiring you to plan out your strategies before- T.A featured a 2D environment but utilized a and managed, quite successfully, to get you in hand and scouting ahead to see what fortifi ca- 3D height variation, meaning artillery fi re was the fi ghting mood. tions lay ahead. Some planets were large open blocked in certain cases, whilst units on higher In the current gaming era Total Annihilation’s waterworlds, others fi lled with lava lakes and ground had an advantage over those stuck be- graphics may appear a little dated, but they’ve meteor storms. low. Gravity values too changed depending on aged far better than most other games of its era. The goals too changed level to level. Whilst the planet you were situated on, which in turn Getting a copy of the game now may be a little some did require you to hunt down everything affected how far projectiles fl ew and whether or diffi cult, but if you do you’ve obtained some of in sight others required more tactical planning, not you could fl y aircraft. gaming history’s gold dust. How do you go about terraforming a planet? Ob- viously you smash together attacking spacecraft and absorb their energy. Wait what. Tetraform is all about growing your planet from a barren lump of rock to a flourishing green won- Can you write better than me? derland, achieved by colliding together the space- ship surrounding your little world. They don’t take it quietly though – they buzz around, go invisible Prove your worth in the arena of or just plain pelt you with rockets. It’s incredibly addicting; in fact, you could go so far as calling it battle (i.e. this page) and write in smashing fun (badum-tish). to [email protected]! FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 31 GAMES Link’s latest epic escapade Not the best, but certainly not the worst. Rhys Davies embarks on Link’s most recent epic, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

o I fi nally completed The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword last night. Zelda has always been a passion for me, even within my geeky realm of video games. I was blown away by the Sbeauty of Ocarina of Time when I fi rst saw it and with each new game, a new fi x for my addiction. So when I heard Skyward Sword was on the way, I started salivating. Quite Pavlovian. Even more ex- citing were the reviews I was heard second-hand through my housemate. The greatest Zelda ever? Uh, no. Not really. It’s by no means a bad game but it just doesn’t hit the high notes I’ve come to expect. “One of Zelda’s greatest strengths is is the expansive, fi lled-in worlds. Not in this game”

In the confusing, timey-wimey in-game history of Zelda, this slots in right at the beginning. Link quests to prove himself the hero spoken of in leg- end and to power up the Master Sword, as it is to become. That second point is remarkably similar to the second half of The Wind Waker so already it isn’t winning on originality. The Big Bad in ible just isn’t present in Skyward Sword. “A rewarding retrospective The weapons have all been seen before, from the this game is Demise, a demon so powerful that Graphically, it’s quite pretty. Cel-shading makes double clawshot (Twilight Princess, a welcome re- the Goddess Hylia lifted humanity into the skies a return from The Wind Waker but with a more re- for experienced Zelda turn) to the bellows (Which I’m sure I saw in The and sealed his ass in the ground. However, in the alistic feel. The forests feel luscious, the volcano Minish Cap). Familiar names and faces crop up game, after three attempts to leave his seal as The is sweltering, the sky is so expansive. Nintendo’s afi cionados and highly continually. The three provinces, and their guard- Imprisoned, he is fi nally revived by his follower, hallmark is to continue experimenting with their ian spirits, share the names (and rough locations) Ghirahim. Ghirahim has much more presence franchises and here it pays off. accessible for anyone with those of Twilight Princess. There are a few as the bad guy but even he only shows up a few But it feels small. This is the cardinal sin of Sky- gorons about, who evolution seems to bounce off times. As a villain, he’s quite fun, mincing camply ward Sword. One of Zelda’s greatest’s strengths picking it up for the fi rst like rubber, and amazingly Beedle. That travelling across the stage, but for the majority of the game, is the expansive, fi lled-in worlds. You always feel salesman has some very, very strong genes. As- there’s no palpable threat. After the time-skip in like there is something going on and everywhere time” pects of gameplay also resurfaced, most notably Ocarina of Time, Ganondorf’s presence as the evil is connected. Not in this game. On the surface, the spirit trials, which Nintendo loved so much in master of Hyrule is absolute (feeding Gorons to there are three designated areas (Forest, Volcano parts become accessible or sometimes, the way to Twilight Princess, they’ve apparently lifted them Volvagia, freezing Lake Hylia, putting Ingo in and Desert) which you have to visit at least three handle the area changes (at one point, the forest wholesale from that game. Another trope I was charge of Lon Lon Ranch, etc.) That darkness vis- times within the main plot. Sometimes, different fl oods) but there are still just these areas, which pleased to see return was “Let’s put Link in a can- can only be reached from the sky above. And the non!” sky! Fairly big, sure, but with no point. There A less welcome return is the annoying helper. are hundreds of little islands dotted about but This time, it comes in the guise of Fi, the spirit apart from Skyloft, where everybody lives, and of the Master Sword. She’s butts in constantly, to the one with the pub on it, there is nothing to do point out the most obvious of facts, in an oddly anywhere. Compare with The Wind Waker which technical language. “There is a 60% chance had 49 squares of massive ocean and in each one, that…” , “I have calculated that…”, “My records there was an island with something to do on it indicate…” This is the earliest Zelda game and (and I’d be lying if all the adventure happened on you’re accompanied by a computer devoid of the islands). personality. In fact, after struggling up to the fi rst The characters, true to Zelda form, are quite per- dungeon with her, I saved, turned off, and then sonable and full of charm. If only there were more didn’t play the game for two weeks. That is how of them. My favourite game in the series to date is grating she is. (Also, the start of the game is slow. Majora’s Mask for the sheer amount of characters, Paint-drying slow.) each with their own unfolding and intercrossing However, I returned, stuck with it and fi nally dramas. With such a small cast, there is only so completed it. I’m glad I did. Nothing about it much you can do here. makes it the best Zelda game ever but it is still a Skyward Sword was released last year, during good game. A rewarding retrospective for experi- the 25th anniversary for Zelda. You can tell. The enced Zelda afi cionados and highly accessible for Argument no. 34 in the fight against GM technology game works very well as a Zelda retrospective. anyone picking it up for the fi rst time. 32 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX Travel Editors: Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson TRAVEL [email protected] Things to do in Saariselkä Veli Akiner ventures to northern Finland in search of snow, and fi nds braised rein- deer, dubiously advertised toys, and long nights along the way

aariselkä is a small tour- ing to weather conditions. Thankfully, ist village in mountainous Saariselkä has enough to offer to make northern Finland which of- the trip worth it in the event clouds do fers a beautiful landscape, ruin your day, as if they’ve sensed that various snow-based activi- you’ve come from England. tiesS to get involved in and, of course, an opportunity to see the Northern Lights. 7. Buy racistly-advertised child toys

1. Freeze to death Good luck working out what emotion that facial expression (bottom right This is the Arctic Circle, which means image) is meant to convey. The rac- temperatures that will probably freeze ism isn’t immediately evident until urine in your urethra if you ever found Is it a tree? Or is it some fractal you notice the chain round his neck yourself unable to fi nd a toilet. Tem- nightmare in a future where we’ve which either implies he’s too poor to colonised Europa? peratures are typically about -15°C, afford even a gold-plated one (damn regularly dipping below -20°C with- you, Finnish income tax!) or that he’s out including wind chill. There’s not meant to be a slave. What we can much difference between day and defi nitely infer though is that Finnish night because, let’s face it, Saariselkä’s children get mad amounts of pocket feeble winter sun is nothing more than money: you need at least €20 to get What’s the time, Mr. Wolf? I don’t have a bloody clue a symbolic gesture. As long as you’re all ten grills. dressed in warm water and windproof clothes, you’ll barely feel the ele- 8. Throw your circadian rhythm into ments, especially when you’re work- chaos ing up a sweat climbing up hills or rac- ing through (and inevitably followed The good thing about long nights dur- by tripping into) foot-thick snow. Un- ing winter is that you get a huge win- fortunately, I cannot guarantee you’ll dow to see the Northern Lights. The bad stay warm if, say, when opening the thing is that the day lasts maybe four door to your cabin the key breaks in- hours in January which means that the side the lock and you have to wait an Sun pops up slowly, only to come back hour outside for some guys to jimmy It’s like Lil Jon and Arnold down before it has a chance to go from the door open with a crowbar. Making Schwarzenegger had a kid in a red to yellow. The result is looking up Magnificent bizarre sequel to Junior things worse is imagining the sauna at the sky and having no idea whether that you could’ve been in all this time it’s sunrise or sunset, and when you’re rather than staving off frostbite while out hiking in the wilderness constantly you try to pry the key out with a Swiss a load of snow straight into your face, a stretch that isn’t quite as fl at as you to fuel a smelter to melt the coins into wondering whether you’ve wandered army knife. blinding you and making you feel like thought, which results in the snowmo- model reindeer. A simple reindeer past the border into Russia, it’s easy to you’ve just been socked in the face by bile rocking side-to-side momentarily burger will set you back €5, while a lose all sense of time. a snowman. losing contact with the ground, mak- proper meal is a “good deal” at about “The winter sun is ing you shit bricks for a few seconds €13. You may want to pack your suit- 3. Go snowmobiling as you prepare to fl ip over. Apart from case with food to make things more af- “You have yourself nothing more than a that though, it’s perfectly safe, I swear. fordable, which has surprisingly little Riding machines with motors not much shame to it given how much you‘ll the perfect setting symbolic gesture” smaller than themselves is always a 4. Eat reindeer save. Oh, and if you want to get fes- laugh tinged with the risk of forcing tive bring a bottle - there’s a monopoly for a sci-fi fl ick” you to ride a wheelchair forever af- Yeah, they’re cute; get over it and tuck on the Finnish spirit industry pushing a 2. Toboggan down a slope ter. Several companies offer snowmo- in. You’d expect it to taste a bit like litre of vodka up to about £40. bile trips outside town to get a better venison but instead has a mild beef 9. Pretend you’re on an alien planet. Making gravity do all the hard work glimpse of the Northern Lights that are fl avour, which isn’t that exciting but 6. See the Northern Lights for you has always been entertain- pretty safe since you’re stuck behind beef is just as expensive there so why First, you have the Finnish language: ing. The problem arises when you’re whoever’s behind you and no room to not? Besides, you can sing Jingle Bells Strictly speaking, you don’t need to go it’s hopelessly unlike any European one careering down a slope at ridiculous overtake. It’s a bit like being in traffi c in a maniacal voice between mouth- to Finland, or even Northern Europe apart from some in the Baltic countries, speeds but you suddenly need to steer but with better scenery. Except you can fuls of braised reindeer, pretending for this. On occasion there’s enough but nobody cares about those. It can be to avoid an impromptu meeting with just slow right down, build up a bit of you’re eating Rudolph or Blitzen. If solar activity to make the Aurora Bo- rather frustrating being unable to make a tree, which is a lot less trivial for a distance between the vehicle in front that doesn’t take your fancy, you can realis visible as far south as Newcastle, heads or tails of it if you have a general beginner than those little Finnish kids and then slam on the accelerator if you get it in pretty much any other form: which is somewhat galling for anyone knowledge of a wide range of European whizzing past you make it seem. Or feel like the ride is too pedestrian for smoked (utterly delicious with sautéed who travelled specifi cally to see them. languages, but in practice you’ll have more awkwardly, you could be on a you. Just keep your eyes peeled for the potatoes and cheese), thinly sliced and Nevertheless, they are pretty much no trouble because everyone speaks collision course with someone walk- stop signs where roads cross the path, cured (or eaten frozen) - even canned. what you expect them to be: green, English there. Throw in the clouds that ing up the slope who dodges left and because if you’re crossing those at 60 wispy cloud-like formations that dance glow orange from the lights below, tree right to avoid you, much like trying kilometres an hour when a car is com- 5. Burn money across the sky that take your breath lines in the horizon that look like cloud not to walk into someone in a street, ing down the road like I did, there’s no away if the -20°C air doesn’t do that cover at night and everything on the except at much higher speed. You use chance in hell either of you are going It seems like a common theme among already. If you book more than a week ground glazed with snow and you have your legs to dig into the snow, which to brake in time on snow and ice. There Nordic countries that the price of ev- in advance it suddenly becomes a bit yourself the perfect setting for a sci-fi works rather well except it then throws is also the hazard of doing this down erything is as if they’re using the notes of a lottery whether you see them ow- fl ick. FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 33 Food Editors: A n a s t a s i a E l e f t h e r i o u Michael Krestas [email protected] FOOD Bake some romance Heat up the kitchen this Valentine’s Day with these decadent treats

Twix Cheesecake Bites by Carol Ann Cheah

These are seriously decadent crowd- mild; so your choice of sugar just boils paper (I had a 10”x7” one.) pleasers. I’ve made them twice for down to what your visual preferences Either chuck the Oreos in a food bag two group gatherings of different sizes are. and bash into fi ne crumbs with a rolling – we’re talking at least 15 people, and Also, if you really want to cut a few pin, or do the same thing to them in a they get snapped up quite nicely (the corners, use Sainsbury’s own brand food processor. Mix in the melted butter latter actually had 30-odd people!) chocolate toffee biscuit fi ngers as dupes thoroughly until it all comes together. They need a little bit of pre-planning for Twix. If you’re using the 12-hole muf- and forethought, though; because mak- fi n case, divvy up the cookie crumbs ing them is a two-stage process that in- Crust: between the 12 paper cases and press cludes baking and overnight chilling (or – 20 Oreos (a typical 154g package down with your fi ngers. Otherwise, Can’t spell cheesecake without ‘eese’. As in ‘ease’? Yeah? Thought not at least 6 hours if you make them in the contains about 14) chuck all the crumbs on the lined bak- morning for a dinner treat); but they’re – 50g unsalted butter, melted ing tin/brownie tray and press down very well worth the wait so they’ll with the back of a spoon/your hands. make a great do-ahead dessert. Cheesecake batter: That’s your base(s) done – set it aside beat in the already-lightly-beaten eggs brownie tray and smooth out; or if using I used Philadelphia Light to make – 450g cream cheese, softened (leave (you could even pop it in the fridge for (at low speed if using electric beaters.) the muffi n tray, use an ice-cream scoop these cakes; but any mild-fl avored it out at room temp for 1-2 hours before a little while) while you work on the Then add in your sour cream and mix to divvy up the batter into the cases. cream cheese will do - it can even be using.) batter. until fully incorporated. Batter consis- Bake the lot for 30-40 minutes at supermarket own brand cheese! You – 100g caster/brown sugar Tip your cream cheese in a mixing tency should be somewhere in between 135°C (if using the muffi n tray); or can use brown or caster sugar for these – 1⁄2 tsp vanilla extract bowl and get out your torture imple- single and double cream. for 45-50 minutes if you’re using an cheesecakes – personally I prefer using – 2 large eggs, lightly beaten ment – I mean, mixer of choice. You Set the bowl aside and get your oblong/square tin. They’re done bak- soft dark brown sugar, because you’ll – 125ml sour cream can use a hand/stand mixer or a bog Twix/biscuit fi ngers into small chunks ing when they still wobble a lil’ bit in get a lovely rich color that visually – 12 mini/fun size Twix bars standard wire whisk; I opt for the latter – I usually chop it in half lengthways, the center. Let cool, and then pop them complements how indulgent these are. because the workout keeps bingo wings then proceed to chop as normal in the in the fridge overnight/for at least six If you opt for caster sugar, you’ll get Preheat oven to 135°C. Prepare either from forming (girls, take heed!) Beat other direction. Chuck the chunks into hours. a lovely contrast between the very pale a 12-hole muffi n case (line it with paper the cream cheese until it’s smooth, then the bowl of cheesecake batter and fold After chilling, take them out and cut cheesecake batter and the dark pieces cases) or a square/rectangular baking slowly beat in your sugar. them in well. them up using a knife moistened with of Twix. Taste-wise the difference is so tin/brownie tray lined with greaseproof Thoroughly mix in the vanilla, and Pour the whole lot into the baking tin/ hot water.

Classic Apple Pie by Yiango Mavrocostanti

This recipe was taken from the book – 4-8 tbsp ice water For the topping: and place each one of them between Vegan Pie In The Sky by Isa Chandra – 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar – 1⁄2 teaspoon cinnamon two sheets of wax paper. Roll each disc Moskowitz – 2 tablespoons sugar into a circle. The great thing about this recipe is For the fi lling: – 2 tablespoons soy milk or any milk Preheat your oven at 218°C. Fit half that you use olive oil instead of butter – 6 cups Granny Smith Apples cut in of your choice the pie dough into a 9-inch pie pan. In a and this makes your apple pie much slices bowl combine all the fi lling ingredients healthier. The olive oil makes the crust – 1⁄3 cup brown sugar One hour before making the crust and add them to the prepared pie shell. extremely fl aky and you cannot taste it! – 1⁄2 cup white sugar place the olive oil in the refrigerator un- Place on top the rest of the dough and This recipe makes a 9 inch pie. – 1 teaspoon cinnamon til it becomes like a sorbet. In a mixing brush it with the milk. – 1⁄2 teaspoon ground ginger bowl combine the fl our with the olive Then sprinkle with the cinnamon and For the crust: – 1⁄8 teaspoon ground cloves oil and the salt. Then add the ice water sugar. Bake the pie for 25 minutes at – 2.5 cups all purpose fl our – 3 tablespoons all purpose fl our and vinegar slowly until you can shape 218°C and then lower the heat and bake – 3⁄4 tsp salt – Pinch of salt the dough into a ball. Do not overmix. for another half an hour. Exact temperatures all round – 2⁄3 cup olive oil Divide the ball into two equal discs Let it cool before serving.

Geography Cake by Anastasia Eleftheriou

Ingredients 1 tbsp of cognac the baking powder and the cognac and ing tin on top of the previous mixture 3 eggs 2 tbsp of Drinking Chocolate keep whisking. Once the mixture is and bake for almost 45 minutes. Leave 3 glasses of self raising fl our ready, add the fl our and stir until fully the cake to cool before you remove it 3⁄4 glass of sugar Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F. combined. Grease a baking tin with from the tin. 3⁄4 glass of oil Beat the oil and the sugar together until butter or oil and pour half of the mix- Top tip : Do not open the oven before 1 glass of milk smooth. Whisk the eggs and add them ture in it. Pour the drinking chocolate in the fi rst 20 minutes, if you want your The dark cake rises 3 tsp of Baking Powder to the previous mixture. Add the milk, the other half and stir. Add it in the bak- cake to rise properly. 34 Friday 10 February 2012 FELIX

HANGMAN 2.0 [email protected] snow leaves imperial Chinese students stranded in library - Chileans empathise ross goldberg Jr wannabe badman

hangman Hundreds of eager students were Reporting from in your mum left isolated in dark, humid condi- tions, while snow poured down upon Valentine’s Day: one of those days the South Kensington campus. The that I hate with a passion. The outside recent bout of weather spelled dis- world looks like the inside of a vagina. aster as the new library entrance Pink and moist. Everywhere. (costing £7 billion) failed to open The good thing about Valentine’s Saturday afternoon. The door fail- Caucasian-looking chinese jubilant in reunion the new entrance is meant purely for display; it’s actually malfunctioning when the doors open is that it’s the one day when paying ure, which has since been attributed for sex is acceptable. For a box of to a simple electronic malfunction, Chinese embassy successfully re- dened by the incident that occurred thing that came out of it was the chocolates and a of couple fl owers, left a contingent of extremely dili- placed the faulty electronics; using over the weekend. It just goes to journey of self discovery I departed you get a blow job. Pretty decent gent undergraduates and some less superior components made in Chi- show that no matter how much on.” While a further survivor said “I deal in my opinion. I can feel like than diligent postgraduates to fend na. After speaking to the survivors, money we waste, college facilities didn’t even know it snowed.” One of Berlusconi and not spend thousands for themselves. As the snow fall on Hangman discovered that emergen- will inevitably fail in certain condi- Imperial’s Black minority students of euros. Lad dolce vita. Queen’s lawn rose to a staggering 3 cy food provisions were extremely tions. As for the poor student who was happily relieved to “make it out It’s four in the morning, and inches, the 27 hour ordeal reached low, and highly inadequate. The Din- sadly passed away, our condolenc- alive! I thought I was a gonner for you’ve awaken from a drunken a climatic turn for the worse when ner lady (responsible for all food re- es go to his family. We at Imperial sure. Have you not seen all horror stupor to fi nd banana skins all over one student sadly passed away af- lated queries) has launched a formal understand that the one child policy fi lms?” Hangman had to promptly your bed and a now revolting scene ter he was unable to receive medical enquiry into the matter, claiming that proves to be a risky strategy for Chi- remind him that this wasn’t scary of hentai on your laptop screen. treatment for his caffeine overdose. the Library Cafe should have been nese parents, and should they have movie. Banana wanking, really? You drain Several legions were found on the fully stocked at all times for desper- a second child we would welcome Many have likened this ordeal to the life out of me. Your “wild night body, suggesting that other victims ate students to purchase “Wraps” at them to Imperial on a conditional the Chilean miner incident, just a lot out” consisted of your questionably resorted to feeding off the corpse. the slightly infl ated price of £99.99. visa.” less dramatic or interesting. Howev- hotter friend fi ngering a blonde The predominantly Chinese group A formal statement from the col- Another survivor described the in- er a strong network of Chilean em- on the dance fl oor and your quiet of library enthusiasts were fi nally lege rector, Sweet Potatoes, read cident as “..traumatic, I didn’t know pathisers were at the scene, cheer- fl atmate in Computing awkwardly saved after a relief effort sent by the “We at the College are deeply sad- if I was going to survive. One good ing the survivors as they emerged. raising one arm and looking scared as fuck.while Your initially successful contact with a “fi t” girl leads only to puke all over your shoes and an unsatisfi ed boner for the rest of the new imperial halls to be £1000 a week for night. All for the reasonable price of an empty wallet and a hangover. You’re wondering whether one’s virginity can actually grow back. The refl ection in the mirror only a triple and moved to brixton shows a pathetic, dangly thing and no trace of the biceps you set out to get that one time in November you decided to work out. You little sod, Ross Goldberg III reports on the news and ting blad, while trying to fit in at the new halls take this shit in hand and deal with it. FYI your spouse in Skyrim does It was found out that some freshers The students will also be given not count you sad, sad fuck. at Imperial have enough money left stab proof vests to ensure their safe- NEWS IN BRIEF – Like a news story for lazy people over for having fun. Therefore, halls ty. El Presidente said of the move: “I are to be immediately shut down. have no strong feelings either way Old jokes regurgitated and played off as novel in meme The more affordable halls will stay and have no opinion that might craze, everyone now on comedown realising they’re lame open for the next month. Rather alienate one group of people”. than using the rare chance to be the Imperial Training Academy did a Imperial makes £600 million profi t. Library worker drops last group of freshers to not have to quick Q&A session in which they and loses 1p, is immediately fi red and sued for losses work as a rent boy to survive, the found out that when asked, people students used this opportunity to sit want really nice halls. They unfortu- Last week’s centrefold results in 20% spike in Kleenex sales at home and set up a meme group nately neglected to mention that it on Facebook. One fresher said: wasn’t just better halls, but better Superbowl means Union crowded and attractive, friendly “lmao this is so funny!” as he is a halls at a massively infl ated prices. American girls are everywhere. Men confused massive cuntbag. The halls will feature or be To help students blend in to the “pimped out” with fi ve TVs in each Deputy President of Education reinstated after week long surroundings they will be given an kitchen that will vary between 50 absence – nobody notices, no different amount of work gets ounce of marijuana so they can and 100 inches. They will also done “HEY I MADE A GREAT MEME start their inevitable career as a vary between used once and used MAN IT’S ALL LIKE...” It’s not fun- drug dealer. They will also be given twice, as no one is brave enough “I KNEW IT” shouts Thatcher after Falklands oil discovery ny anymore, it’s Valentine’s day. lessons in street speak. “Dis lectur- to publicly show what they like to Shouldn’t you be getting rejected er iz a wasteman blud, u get me” is watch in case it makes them look Europe continues hints to Greece that they are not welcome by someone who’s out of your expected to be heard around cam- weird. If you’re wondering if it does, – Greece ignores hints like “that guy” at the party league (i.e. everyone). pus next year. then it does. FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 35 HANGMAN 2.0 Twatter Cameron_DA_Maneron!! 1 hrs Ffs. Syria crisis getting out of hand. Cba with Syria. Willyoujoinmymiliband? 55 mins Just tell them to stop bombing homes :) The_Notorious_Cleggman 45 mins

Ed, It’s Homs. Not homes. Willyoujoinmymiliband? 40 mins

You’re a home The_Notorious_Cleggman 30 mins

What? Barack_attack 2 mins Yeah Cleggman. You’re such a home The_Notorious_Cleggman 1 mins

Fuck you, I’m not a home. SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 1 mins

That’s such a home thing to say. Horoscopes - Warning! may contain traces of memes CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you fi nally dis- Obviously it’s bad when your You’ll wake up this week with Your job at a shag pile rug After spending the previ- In a sad moment of des- cover your calling at Imperial deputy editor walks out on a splitting head in to the edi- cleaners gets weird when ous two and a half years of peration, this week you fi nd College as a meme maestro. you. You realise how much tor’s sex lair. You don’t realize some mentalist comes in your PhD on Spotify, you mi- yourself sitting in the lab on Unfortunately you’re too late you need them. Your life is this immediately, but deduce wearing a silly hat carrying a raculously discover a cure Valentine’s Day watching An- to join the fad, and get no falling apart and you spend it from the selection of silly rug that looks like it’s caked for AIDS. Irritatingly, its side tiques Roadshow on iPlayer. likes on your Facebook up- your every waking hour lis- hats and the post-it notes in shit. You argue with him for effects include causing un- Even after knocking one out load. Only one thing to do tening to “Nothing Compares reminding him to print Felix. a bit saying that its beyond controllable sexual lust in to Fiona Bruce you still feel now, drop out and fuck off 2 U” on repeat. Having tidied As an act of defi ance you cleaning, but the shag pile the mothers of test subjects. hollow, empty and unfulfi lled. to UCL. We heard over there up the last of the consolatory evacuate your bowels onto rug business isn’t what it used The Swedish take an hour You hear about this new memes are the only credit- wank hankies, you tug one his shag pile rug and leave to be, so you begrudgingly out of fucking their mothers AIDS cure. You pop a hand- able part of every course. out over his keyboard. swiftly. accept to clean it. Life’s Shit. to award you the Nobel Prize. ful of pills and call home. SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week, your arch-nem- After fi nally recovering from Can you believe that this week Normally when your “friend” This week, in the run up to To Aquarius: ”Cool story bro.” esis cures AIDS. Not one to a crippling accident that your “friends” kidnap you and tells you a predictably boring Valentine’s, you discover that This week you’ll build a wall be bettered, you put on your occurred months ago, you decide to take you on a lads story about what he did last you can save yourself a lot of out of the snow you piled up Ed Sheeran play list and set fi nally think you’re in the all holiday. Unfortunately you’re night, you stand there nodding embarrassment by just get- from last weekend. Thinking about discovering some- clear. Unfortunately you get too much of a post anorexic your head, entertaining his life. ting touchy-feely with yourself it’ll save you from mothra’s thing. By track 5 all you’ve pushed down the stairs for girl and start crying like you’ve However this week you casu- at the end of a night. That way laser eyes, to sleep comfort- managed is to create milky being a bitch and end up just been buttfucked, staring at ally blurt out “Cool story bro.” you can both get your mitts on able at night. Idiot! Lasers + white substance that smells eating your food through a your abductors with those soul- It doesn’t end well. Your friend something that’s warmer than Snow = Bad. Inevitably she like gash. You sell it to Da- straw. No one cares, or even less eyes. They feel bad and feeling dejected breaks down room temperature whilst also breaks in like a rapist and none as a pro biotic yoghurt visits you. To be honest You take you home. You then catch sobbing. You offer to suck him being hugged and caressed rants at you about this year’s drink and make millions. had it coming. up on your masturbation. off, but even he thinks it weird. yourself. You realize that... club budgeting. 36 Friday 10 february 2012 FELIX Puzzles Editor: James Hook

PUZZLES [email protected]

Last Week’s Quick(ish) Crossword 1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8 Across Down Solutions 1. Relating to old people (9) 1. Imperial Nobel prize winner 6. Copy (5) (5) 9 10 10 9. Caused someone to be un- 2. Track (7) able to see; impaired someone’s 3. Recent retrospective Tour de Nonogram judgment (7) France winner (4,7) 10. Gaseous, pressuried suspen- 4. Straight line from circumfer- 11 12 12 13 15 sion or container of such (7) ence to centre (6) 11. File; paddle (3) 5. Head of a committee (8) 13 12. Substantial, satisying and 6. Impair or corrupt (3) balanced dinners (6,5) 7. Small American horse (7) 141316 1417 18 15 1915 2016 14. Th e human soul or spirit (6) 8. 80AD construction, originally 15. 19th century steel magnate the Flavian amphitheatre (9) 16 16 21 and philanthropist (8) 13. Seekers of the Holy Grail 17. Game of chance (8) and Spam (5,6) 1722 18 23 1824 1920 19 25 20 19. Public lecture/concert hall; 14. Describing path of a projec- Aristotle’s philosophy (6) tile (9) 19 21 22. 19th century Anna Sewell 16. Served as clear evidence of; novel, the main cast of which declared that something is the 262220 21 22 23 24 are horses (5,6) case (8) 23. Not shining brightly; stupid 18. The 235 type can sustain (3) chain reactions (7) 25. Described e.g. plans (4,3) 20. Give name to (7) 2524 26 25 27 27. Of Chad or Algeria, for 21. Accumulates e.g. debt (4,2) instance (7) 24. Painter famous for Hay- 28. Examples include Halley, stacks, Bridge Over a Pond of Crosswords Giacobini-Zinner (5) Waterlilies (5) 2628 29 29. A person who relies on 26. Choose (3) QUICK(ish) - Across 1. Marathon another (9) 5. Status 10. Niche 11. Pied Piper 12. Odd Couple 13. Flake 14. Spanner 16. Behead 18. Europe 20. Chicago 22. Steam 23. Grape- vine 25. Ayers Rock 26. Eidos SLITHERLINK Word Wheel 27. Detect 28. Pregnant Down 1. R E Mongoose 2. Raced 3. The Sound 2 of Music 4. On paper 6. Tip of the TARGET: 26 I E iceberg 7. Top banana 8. Series 9. 2 3 3 2 2 2 Reverb 15. Amusement 17. Som- D erset 19. Eggs on 20. Cracker 21. 3 1 1 2 0 2 Make as many words of at least Island 24. India 4 letters as you can, always using the T F central one. NO plurals, conjugated 1 2 2 2 verbs, comparatives or superlatives, F N CRYPTIC - Across 1. David Cam- because I said so.. There is always at eron 9. Nerds 10. Mark Twain 11. 2 2 1 least one 9 letter word. Moulding 12. Diesel 13. Calendar 15. Shiner 17. Sienna 18. Mas- 1 1 sacre 20. Relate 21. Academia 24. 2 3 Bitter End 25. Steel 26. Sharp- ChessSoc Chess shooter Down 1. Dynamic 2. Vir- 222 2 21 tual Reality 3. Dosed 4. Armenian 5. Earn 6. Ostriches 7. Passing 2 3 3 Comment 8. Antler 14. Ninetieth 16. Cascades 17. Scrubs 19. 3 3 2 2 2 1 Enabler 22. Disco 23. Bear 1 3 2

The aim with Slitherlink is to four edges have lines. That’s all Chess make one continuous closed the info you need to get the one loop by connecting the dots. logical answer (though waiting a “The correct idea is to march the The numbers in each square in- week to see the solution will also king to b6 and so white should dicate how many edges of the do). Answers to puzzles.felix@ begin with Ka5! (but not Kb5 square are part of the loop, so imperial.ac.uk, as the puzzles because 1. Kb5 Rg8 2. Kb6 Rc8 3. if it contains a “2”, you know team recieves one internship Ne7+ Rc6+ 4. Bxc6# is only mate that two and only two out of rejection per correct solution. in 4) now if black has two serious options to consider: 1...Kb7 2. Ne7+ Ka7 3. Nc8# Contributions wanted! 1...e1=Q 2. Kb6 Rg1 3. Nc7# If you’d like to contribute by sending in puzzles, comics Note that also Rg8 doesn’t work or even some editing, e-mail puzzles.felix@imperial. in the 1. Ka5 line because of 2. ac.uk. Be they horrendously complicated things or funky Nd4!+ Ka7 3. Nb5#. Quite a tough picture puzzles you think readers would like, do get in puzzle.” touch. General suggestions are also welcome. FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 37 PUZZLES

FUCWIT League Leader Board The Felix University/College- Nonogram – Both Barrels TTeams:eams: Wide Invitational Tournament League is both new and Elbowfart 104 improved, with prizes for both the winning team and the win- The Jailbaits 91 ning individual. 1 1 Pegasus & Parrots 79 Points are awarded for each 3 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 puzzle solved, double if you’re 1 1 1 1 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 Paddy Got Bummed 55 the fi rst correct solution. 2 4 2 2 1 1 1 1 1 3 1 1 5 Cum Puzzling Sluts 40 The competition is hotting up, 4 1 1 4 2 2 1 3 2 1 1 1 3 1 4 each wave of solutions more Team Nuclear 20 climactic than the last. Can 2 2 you really afford to miss out? Ludibrium Lads 14 10 IIndividuals:ndividuals: Send your solutions to puzzles. 1 3 Jeremy Neale 109 [email protected]! Wael Aljeshi 29 Wael Aljeshi 37 8 3 2 5

5 1 Cryptic Crosswords? No Thanks! 1 4 Having trouble with the Fe- 2 lix cryptic crosswords in the sports section? No idea what 10 it all means or would like to know why some answers are 1 1 as they are? Contact puzzles. [email protected] with the 2 7 subject line “Cryptic Help”. You’ll be sent an introduction to how cryptic crosswords 4 1 2 work and what to look out for. Each week you’ll also re- 1 6 ceive complete explanations to the answers in the previ- 1 2 ous week’s Felix cryptic cross- word. 4

The cells in a grid have to be coloured broken lines of filled-in squares there The overall solution should yield As usual, answers to puzzles.fe- or left blank according to numbers at are in any given row or column. Look at some sort of picture, or as good as a [email protected]. the side of the grid. last week’s solution to see what a typi- picture can look in monochrome on a The numbers measure how many un- cal solution looks like. 15x15 grid.

WorDUOku Pleasant Creepy P M What’s better than one fulfi lling existence? S M I Y S B TWO wordokus, you say? Well, in that case you’re in for a treat! E I A T O M P

Tell you what, in addition, every row, column and 3x3 box must contain the letters in the grid once and once only. Along one of the rows or A P M O L I I P B S A E columns, a very special word or phrase will ap- pear. More often than not, I’ve been told that T L S O M S P D these phrases yield great advice to be applied to almost any situation. A I T Y E

The headings above refl ect the childishness of I S T A E P A D S I M tumblr: multipleimproperintegrals.tumblr. the word or phrase. The more childish the word, com the more diffi cult the wordoku. P M I D twitter: @miicomic

FELIX Friday 10 february 2012 39 Sport Editor: I n d y L e c l e r c q [email protected] SPORT Snooker: warm-up Cryptic Crossword 1,510 1 2 3 4 4 5 6 7 8 tournament success 9 9 10 11 10

Elwin Carlos the second team faced a 4-1 defi cit in semi-fi nal at the hands of eventual Tro- Snooker their match against Warwick 3s. phy winners Warwick 2s did nothing to 1112 12 13 15 However, a fantastic fi ght back in detract from a great display by the sec- ICU Snooker enjoyed their best ever which Yip, Cheng, Tan, Edward Gra- ond team during the weekend. 13 performance at the Midlands Universi- ham and Jonathan Hoong all won their Yet even after over 26 hours of com- ties Snooker Championships, which in- fi nal frames completed a 6-4 victory for petitive snooker, the tournament was 141316 1417 15 18 16 1915 2016 cluded top-four fi nishes for both a new the second team. still not over for Imperial. 17 16 21 look second team in the Team Trophy Furthermore, a gripping re-spotted Step up, Bilal (the Prince) Nasim, 18 and fi rst team captain Bilal Nasim in the black ball fi nish involving Mehta who won his third round match to be- 162217 18 19 23 1824 1920 20 25 21 Individual Championship. helped the fi rst team on their way to come the last remaining team member After an early 9am arrival at Rileys claiming a 5-5 draw. in the individual competition after Yip 22 19 23 in Coventry last Saturday, the action The drama continued late into the and Mehta bowed out in the last 16 and kicked off immediately with the fi rst night as Imperial 1s then defeated Kent quarter fi nals respectively. 262420 21 25 2622 23 round matches of the Individual Cham- 1s 6-3 while their second team counter- Arguably the underdog, Nasim looked pionship and Trophy. parts fought out a 5-5 draw, culminating to be heading out, too, as he fell 1-0 be- Thanks to a combination of some in an epic fi nal frame re-spotted black hind to the formidable Rhys Carpenter well-crafted breaks, the highest an im- defeat for Yip and a 1am fi nish. of Cardiff in their quarter fi nal contest. 2724 25 28 pressive 58 by ex-under-19 Romanian Dispelling the rumours that snooker However, after nicking the second Champion Bogdan Cozmaciuc, and players are not physically fi t, all ten frame on the fi nal black, breaks of 20 some good fortune in the form of byes Imperial cueists then undertook an ar- and 24 helped earn Nasim a last four 2629 30 for Elwin Carlos, Bo Tan and Grace duous twenty minute trek through the match-up against double BUCS Cham- Yip, only two of the ten Imperial repre- thick Coventry snow to reach the teams’ pion Mark Green. sentatives failed to make it past the fi rst hotel and eight hours later all were back Although Nasim went on to lose to round in either competition; Shengyang in the confi nes of Rileys in an effort to Green, who later claimed victory in Cheng was beaten 2-0 by Cardiff’s Da- replicate the previous day’s unbeaten the fi nal, such was the nature of his Across Down vid Sattaur in the Trophy and, despite run. achievement that six other team mem- a courageous break of 32, Julius Guth The fi rst major setback of the week- bers missed the last train back to Lon- 1. Criticise strongly. Alternatively, I am 1. Banana eating insect in vast lost his Championship match against end involved Imperial 1s, who held don in order to watch the semi fi nal a spectacle! (8) wilderness (8) Nottingham’s Tom Laycock. hosts Warwick to a 5-5 stalemate before clash. 5. Old person accomodating female 2. Write up musical melody for God (7) Later, second round wins for Nasim, a crushing 6-1 defeat to Manchester 1s Many thanks should go to Warwick boarder (6) 3. Ridicule dinner (5) Nitesh Mehta and second team captain, ended hopes of a Championship semi- University Snooker Club for organising 9. Mountain laugh at letter (5) 4. Something that attracts weekly profit (6) Yip, meant Imperial had three players fi nal place, losing out only on frame dif- such a great tournament. 10. Weight first and a smash gets four 6. Goat punches, used to handle with through to the following day’s round of ference to Warwick. Moreover, after some fantastic per- tournament wins (5,4) care (3,6) 16 matches. York 3s then threatened to spoil formances, especially from Nasim and 12. Guardian with time is 7. One concerned with war and peace to In the evening the team events, with things for the second team by producing a second team fi elding three debutants, inexperienced, it is said (7) groove about with game (7) Davis Cup-style rubbers matches, got an Imperial-style comeback at 5-1 be- hopes of further success at the season- 13. Wasted, tabled a cocktail (7) 8. Relief in deep sleep as vortex lacks underway and neither the fi rst nor sec- hind but the cool (and shaved) head of ending BUCS Snooker Championships 14. Conceive I would swallow key (6) power (6) ond teams started particularly well. Cheng secured a 6-4 victory and second are sky-high. Can Imperial defend their 16. Quick chat with unknown attendant 11. A person capturing ox in jungle (6) The fi rst team, consisting of Messrs spot behind Trophy Group B winners Team Trophy and complete a hat-trick (6) 15. Willingness to learn compendium Nasim, Cozmaciuc, Carlos, Mehta and Southampton 2s, to whom they lost 6-1. of titles? 19. Pure light speed with pace (6) interrupted by bad weather (9) Guth, fell behind 3-1 to Oxford 1s while The following 6-0 whitewash in the On this evidence, why not? 20. Want for a tower (6) 17. Vein runs through slab of meat (6) 24. Enchantment of ancient empire 18. Representative of romantic dinner: after the time of Christ (7) filled with endless, mortifying 25. Earth that’s definitely unrefined music! (8) rock a blot on the landscape (7) 19. 22 arrived frequently here? (7) Riding 1st team grab league top spot 27. Unsound sentient robot gave false 21. I huff about, forward and backward information about blood (4-5) in time (4,3) IC Riding 28. Village port authority next to area 22. Ben for example, putting skill first, Sinead Connelly of Zagreb (5) becomes King (6) Riding 29. Betray woman that’s pretty (6) 23. Require the French to harass (6) 30. Declare again with animated real 26. Force someone to leave, former The fi rst riding team have moved into glee (8) painful, early lesson initially (5) fi rst place in their league after an im- pressive win in Buckinghamshire on Wednesday. Picking up individual 1st 3rd and 7th places, Rachel Gregory, Ilse daly, Sinead Conneely and Mi- own, extending their lead to 49 points kaela Bryant-Meisner are now in a fa- at the end of the day. Gregory fi nished vourable position with two competi- up with zero penalties to take the tions left, one being their home event overall win, an impressive result as at Trent Park in Oakwood. today’s judge noted that this year the The morning got off to a cold start competition showcased some of the with snow still on the ground at highest standard of riding she’s seen Snowball Park when the show jump- at University level. ing started. After 16 rounds on some Insert horse-related joke here horses who weren’t so keen on keep- ing the fences up Imperial college Daly holding joint fi rst individually. even more diffi cult to handle than the For more information about the rid- had a 30 point lead, with Gregory and The dressage horses proved to be showjumpers but the team held their ing club email [email protected]. SPORTISSUE 1510 10.02.12

Jill Tombs Netball 3s prevail in icy Winning ways conditions

Feroza Kassam Netball Women’s 3s 46 University of West London 14

Despite the sub-zero temperatures for this outdoor fi xture in Chiswick, both teams came out ready for a fi ght and the match started off as an end-to-end struggle. UWL opened the scoring; a clinical fi nish despite some sloppy play around the D. Predictably, the fi rst IC goal came from Tsang, followed in quick succession by a beauty from Batchelor - hardly surprising given the top form both the shooters have been on this season. IC were a constant threat in front of goal and UWL failed to show any resil- ience – with the home side unable to pro- duce any game-changing play, IC stormed ahead in spectacular fashion, closing up the fi rst half comfortably 30-11. As UWL returned after the halftime Hockey Women’s 1s post another win to break it was clear that their fi ghting spirit had been entirely consumed by the icy conditions. IC made UWL’s miserable remain undefeated and go top of BUCS league afternoon a whole lot worse by scoring 20 goals in the second half, with little diffi - culty. UWL tried some interesting tactics, like removing Club Captain Hazell’s shoe in a desperate attempt to prevent her as- Kirstin Hay rapid warm-up later, and we were un- fence from Ash and Celia soon saw Maria in defence with Jess in goal had sisting a goal, but to no avail. Trainerless, Hockey derway. them off, allowing Teddy the chance a little more to do this half, but Hol- and with nothing but a surprised squeal, The standard was slightly different to score our third, grabbing the op- loway never looked like scoring, and she calmly set Batchelor up for a clean Women’s 1s 5 from the team we had beaten 15-0 portunity after a serious of rebounded we continued our pressure on their fi nish. Tsang’s superb shots throughout Royal Holloway 1s 0 the week before. We started slowly, attempts in the attacking ‘D’. defence. Harry’s work with help from the game earned her player of the match, waiting a whole ten minutes before The second half started with us Nora in midfi eld soon took our fi fth in the coldest game anyone can ever re- the fi rst goal – Kirstin lifting the ball fi red up, ready to expand our lead; goal, shooting the ball past a static member playing, IC 3s maintained their Undefeated so far this season (with over the keeper’s stick from a scrappy we had to keep moving to avoid the defence. unbeaten record this term and moved up only one draw to compliment our rebound. Teddy secured our second ever colder conditions, and our con- The fi nal whistle couldn’t come into 2nd place in the ULU league. With a string of wins), we arrived at the goal, with some great work from Gigi, fi dence didn’t wane. Our continued soon enough after that, and we piled game in hand, a fully fi t squad and another Staines pitch in high spirits, despite before hearts were once again racing attacks fi nally bore fruit as Jill, our back into the warm of the mini-bus team added to the long list of victims, life the freezing temperatures and re- as Holloway piled on the pressure in captain, fi red one past the keeper back to Imperial for a well-deserved is looking pretty sweet for IC Netball 3s mains of snow on the sidelines. One our defending half. Some strong de- from the top of the ‘D’. Emma and drink. right now. SCIENCE POLITICS ARTS TRAVEL FOOD

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