MONDAY

MONDAY JUNE 14TH 2010 THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NE SPAPER SINCE 1947 ISSUE NO 719 | VARSITY.CO.UK VC Alison PAUL SMITH Richard made a Dame Queen’s Honours l st recogn ses several sen or Cambr dge academ cs

Laboratory and Director of the I ADAN Women in Science, Engineering and Technology Initiative (WiSETI), The Vice-Chancellor of the Univer- Dame Donald has a specifi c interest sity of Cambridge and two other in promoting women’s careers in sci- leading Cambridge academics were ence. In 2009 she was awarded the among those commended in Satur- L’Oreal/UNESCO Women in Science day’s Queen’s Birthday Honours Award for Europe in recognition list. of her work in the fi eld of protein Professor Alison Richard, who has aggregation and cellular biophysics. worked as Vice-Chancellor for seven In 2006, on being appointed head of years and is the fi rst woman to have the Athena forum, she commented, held this position full-time, has been “I hope [this] acts as an encourage- appointed Dame Commander of the ment to young women thinking of British Empire (DBE) for services pursuing scientifi c careers without to Higher Education. giving up family life.” As an undergraduate, Richard Professor Colin Humphries from studied Anthropology at Newnham Selwyn College gained a knight- College. She then went on to pursue hood for services to science. Sir an academic career, spending thirty Colin is founder and director of years at Yale. During her time the Cambridge Centre for as Vice-Chancellor, Dame Gallium Nitride. The Richard has introduced Centre is develop- needs-based bursa- ing energy-effi cient ries, a key part of the lighting which, if ongoing challenge widely adopted, to widen access to could potentially Cambridge for stu- save the amount of dents from poorer energy equivalent backgrounds. to seven power sta- She has empha- tions. Using similar sized the importance technology, he is also of Alumni in the future of developing a new way to May Ball season starts wth a bang at Robnson the University, celebrating purify water and to kill hos- elebrations for May Week began on Friday night with Robinson’s spectacular fi rework display Cambridge’s 800th anniversary by pital superbugs. raising £1 billion in donations from The Honours list does not only Cringing out across the city. Elsewhere garden parties, dinners, balls and concerts have been past students. reward intellectual endeavours. springing into life. Queens’ began its festivities on Friday with an outdoor cinema screening of Professor Athene Donald, another Three women in Cambridgeshire The Rocky Horror Picture Show projected onto the side of the Erasmus building, and carried on highly infl uential woman in Cam- received an OBE: Catherine Craw- the party with its annual outdoor mega-bop, ‘Bounce’, last night. The Union, The Wyverns, and bridge academia, was appointed ford, executive of the Metropolitan the Marguerites and Hippolytans all held their famous garden parties over the weekend, and Dame Commander of the British Police Authority, Former News there were other events and balls at Emmanuel, Hughes Hall, Downing and Murray Edwards. Empire (DBE) for services to Phys- reporter Susan Davies, and domestic Festivities continue tonight with balls at Clare, Jesus and Trinity. ROBINSON BALL REVIEW PAGE 5 ics. As Deputy Head of the Cavendish abuse campaigner Gaynor Mears.

Fashionp8-9 The Weekend’s Ballsp5 Featuresp10 -11 Play your Rob nson May Ball, Hughes’ Hall Class cs blogger cards r ght Mary Beard w th 40s May Ball and Emmanuel June Event rev ewed nterv ewed class cs ns de 2 Monday June 14th 2010 News Ed tors Charlo e Runc e & Natasha Peseran YESTERDAY IN PICTURES www varsty co uk news@varsty co uk Got a good pcture Emal t to edtor@varsty co uk VARSITY PHOTOS JULIA CAROLYN LICHNOVA

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Ball Rev ewsp5

Our coverage of the Cambr dge May Balls beg ns w th Rob nson’s ‘Fol e d’une Nu t’ F nd out what our rev ewer thought ns de

Featuresp10-11 Volleyball at the Wyverns Garden Party Bouncy castle fun at K ng’s Read our nterv ew w th ROBERT LEADBETTER class cs blog supremo Mary Beard, and peruse the Vars ty May Week arch ves

Rev ewsp13 Magg Hambl ng’s ‘The Wave’ goes under the spotl ght, along w th the Footl ghts Tour Show

Sportp16 The World Cup has begun and so has Vars ty’s World Cuppers – check t out on The St Margaret Soc ety of Queens’ May Week concert the back page JULIA CAROLYN LICHNOVA VARSITY PHOTOS

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Secret D ary of a Ball- crasher Love them or hate them, ballcrashers are a fact of l fe Vars ty condones noth ng they d vulge n th s totally made-up Punts on the Cam Revellers at the Wyverns’ Garden Party blog JULIA CAROLYN LICHNOVA

Gam ng The E3 tradeshow n Los Angeles k cks o next week, and Vars ty Onl ne’s gam ng blog has a roundup of the h ghl ghts

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A p ano on a pa r of punts by K ng’s was part of a fundra s ng event for Help the Heroes, a char ty for wounded serv cemen and women Got a news story Emal t to news@varsty co uk F x up look Sharpe Styl sh fella extraord na re James  Joel Massey & David Pegg edtor@varsty co uk   Nathan Brooker dgtal@varsty co uk   Charlotte Runcie news@varsty co uk Sharpe talks us through the Balls    Natasha Pesaran news@varsty co uk    Rhys Jones comment@varsty co uk   Joshua Games sport@varsty co uk prep process, and warns of the   Lara Prendergast features@varsty co uk    Augustina Dias theatre@varsty co uk     Jessica Jennings revews@varsty co uk    Julia Carolyn Lichnova games@varsty co uk Seven Deadly S ns   Fiona Vickerstaff, Richard Moore, Anna Herber & James Wilson senorreporter@varsty co uk  Helen Mackreath & Emma Mustich large@varsty co uk    Phillippa Garner vtv@varsty co uk   Richard Rothschild-Pearson & Fred Rowson vtv@varsty co uk    Alan Young vtv@ varsty co uk   Lauren Arthur & Angela Scarsbrook subedtor@varsty co uk  Dylan Spencer-Davidson desgner@varsty co uk   Michael Derringer vTV arch ves     Michael Derringer busness@varsty co uk     Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, The complete Vars TV Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Elliot Ross, Mr Patrick Kingsley (VarSoc President), Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye, Mr Michael Stothard, Miss Clementine Dowley, Mr Robert Peal, Mr Christopher Adriaanse, Miss Emma Mustich, Mr Laurie Tuffrey, Mr Joe Pitt-Rashid, Miss Helen Mackreath, Miss Avantika Chilkoti & Mr Paul Smith arch ves are ava lable onl ne M ssed the C nd es Stor es f nale NEWSPAPERS Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci SUPPORT RECYCLING and The Mays. ©2010 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, Recycled paper made up 87.2% of the raw mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. material for UK newspapers in 2007 Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING News Editors: Charlotte Runcie & Natasha Peseran Monday June 14th 2010 3 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NEwss

Clare members warned about punting News in Brief College history of river accidents leads Senior Tutor to advise caution this week

julia Carolyn liChnova Cambridge raises £1 Laura VaLe billion

Students at Clare College have been Cambridge has become the first warned of the dangers of drinking university outside the United near the Cam this May Week, after States to raise £1 billion in a previous years’ celebrations resulted fundraising campaign. in serious injuries. Thanks to the donations of In an email to students last week, more than 45,000 alumni, the Clare College Senior Tutor Dr Patri- amount has been achieved two cia Fara advised students to stay years ahead of schedule, and out of the river during post-exam does not include more than festivities. £250 million extra in pledged May Week, and the infamous bequests. Suicide Sunday in particular, is often University Vice-Chancel- celebrated with outdoor parties by lor Professor Alison Richard the river and previous alcohol-fuelled welcomed the funding, claim- antics have included jumping onto ing that it would help to sustain bridges from punts and throwing the University’s “international friends in. pre-eminence.” The email stated: “I realise that The money raised will be to warn you about punting and the used to “encourage applicants river may sound over-protective and regardless of their financial boring, but during the last five years, circumstances” as well as to two members of Clare have been in The river Cam contains several hidden hazards including submerged punt poles, shopping trolleys and bacteria fund new buildings for research intensive care and nearly died after Dr Fara warned of the main the same email twice was surpris- to curb people’s fun, but it’s probably and student accommodation, accidents on the river.” dangers including sharp objects ing and mentions that it is not just quite a sensible suggestion.” and attract new academic staff. May Week drinking can often below the surface, such as old bicycles students who jump in the river, “but It is not just Cambridge students lead to trips to Addenbrooke’s. In and supermarket trolleys, and infec- also local kids”. whose river-based adventures have Union elections a Varsity survey published recently, tious organisms that may cause fatal Some students considered the made the news in recent years. In one third of respondents said that illness. warnings excessive. A third year November 2009, members of King’s Elections for the Cambridge they had injured themselves while The email has received a mixed Caius student commented, “Going College London Boat Club were seen Union Society Lent 2011 drinking and the danger is particu- reaction in Clare College. One first in the river is an integral part of jumping naked into the Cam during Committee will be held today. larly acute by the river. year student, who is planning to Cambridge celebrations. You just a mini-break called ‘The Spy Who Presidential candidates In May 2006, a student at Clare go punting with family members have to be careful where you jump Ginned Me’. include King’s JCR Presi- College was seriously injured after this May Week said, “I don’t mind in.” Over in Oxford in 2005, forty people dent, Juan Zober de Francisco, falling onto a submerged punt pole. swimming but I don’t want to swim However, most students planned were injured after jumping in the Lauren Davidson, current Clare College now bans access into in the Cam!” to heed the warning; a third year River Cherwell in a tradition to mark Executive Officer at the Union the Cam from college property. Another points out that receiving from Queens’ said: “You don’t want May Day. and Andy Li, Computer Scien- tist from Trinity College. Candidates spoke at the Union Garden Party on Sunday ‘Jokey’ exam questions leave students baffled encouraging members to come out and vote. Results will be announced on “In this exam, however, we had to English Literature.” Tuesday. to write two essays out of five, and But another second-year English given that one was an essay about student, Georgina Bryan, chose to Butterflies prevent ethics (which many will have decided answer the question in the exam. not to prepare at all), it is likely She said: “Taking it on will probably fraud that lots of people were forced into prove to have been either a great The wings of butterflies could having a go at a question that was idea or an incredibly foolish one, but soon change the security of essentially the examiners having a one hour into the exam and panick- paper money, making bank bit of a laugh.” ing, it seemed like a good gamble to fraud a thing of the past. Another male medical student, take. At least I’ll have avoided the Researchers at the University who wished to remain anonymous, dumping of pre-prepared answers of Cambridge have discovered a said the question was “ambiguous which examiners continually warn way to mimic the composition and grammatically iffy. But funny.” against – and who’s to say Antony of colours found on butter- It has been seen as so eccentric and Cleopatra doesn’t hold the fly wings, which change under that some students have set up a answer to the credit crisis?” different lights and angles. If Facebook group in its honour. The Finance, trading and investment these complex reflections can be group had 154 members at the time feature in several of Shakespeare’s printed onto bank notes it would of writing, which represents the plays. In The Merchant of Venice, make it difficult for forgeries to majority of second-year medical Antonio the merchant says to be produced. students. Bassanio: “Thou know’st that all my Most of the members had used the fortunes are at sea; / Neither have Tom Morley, a second year medic exam question as an excuse to post I money nor commodity / To raise a charLotte runcie from Queens’, commented: “The jokes on the wall of the group, but present sum.” Students taking Tripos exams this question is probably trying to ask one frustrated medic simply wrote: Such a statement could be seen term have expressed frustration why, on average, the male ejaculate “But WHHHYY!??” as reminiscent of the insubstantial 52 Trumpington Street after being faced with “bizarre” contains 30 million sperm despite the Unpopular exam questions have nature of modern stock trading. Cambridge CB2 1RG examination questions. fact that only one is needed to fertil- not been limited to the Department Controversy over Cambridge Cambridge has a reputation for ise an egg. But, given the wording, it of Medicine. Second year English exam questions last erupted in 2008, FREE CHELSEA BUN quirky phrasing in the tests it sets could equally be trying to ask about students taking the compulsory when lyrics from Amy Winehouse’s With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop students, but this year some of the the mechanisms of sperm produc- Shakespeare Part I examination song ‘Love is a Losing Game’ were OR questions have been seen as deliber- tion and why a male can produce so were posed the question: “Do Shake- used as part of a final year Practical FREE MORNING ately perverse. many sperm. speare’s works hold any answers for Criticism exam question. The question “Why so many “The really frustrating thing is the credit-crisis generation?” Third year English students were COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) sperm?” was set in the essay paper that a deliberately ambiguous, jokey One English student complained: asked to compare the extract, along With any cake or pastry in the restaurant for the Human Reproduction exam, question can usually be avoided if “The question is asking you to specu- with other lyrics by Bob Dylan and on presentation of this voucher which is a component of the Part 1B there are a large number of essay late on how we should deal with the Billie Holiday, with work by Sir and proof of student status Medical Science Tripos. titles to choose from. recession, which isn’t really relevant Walter Raleigh. 4 Monday June 14th 2010 News Ed tors Charlo e Runc e & Natasha Peseran NES www varsty co uk news@varsty co uk

Cambridge Exam results made available online before class lists Spies CUSU rases concern that the new system s stll a source of anxety IONA VICTA other people fi nding out your exam from the balcony of Senate House. However, one student said: “There results before you. There is a lot of Professor John Rallison, Pro-Vice- has really been no change. The student anxiety about it.” Chancellor for Education, is positive problem was that other students For the fi rst time in 300 years the However, Mr Bagshaw has some about the reform: “Changes have are able to see your personal exam University of Cambridge has made reservations about the extent of been implemented to try to ensure results outside Senate House and exam results available online to the change. He said it was “better that those students who wish to do that is still going to happen. If you students before displaying them than the old system but we feel it so can have access to their exam get a good grade it’s fi ne for every- publicly at Senate House. is not enough. We are campaigning results before they are posted on the one to know about your success, but Since the 18th century, students for a full 48 hours between results Senate House notice boards. This there’s always the chance that you have discovered the results of being sent to students and then should enable tradition to stand, may not do so well. In that case, you their fi nal examinations pinned to being made public and are hoping while giving students options on how want the results to be as private as boards outside the Senate House. this will be implemented next year. they receive their results.” possible.” But pressure from some University We also believe students should TIM JOHNS groups has led to the tempering have the right to withdraw from of this tradition due to fears that class lists so their results do not get it is unnecessarily stressful for displayed publicly, but the Univer- students. sity says this would be extremely Gravel Pitt Students are now able to access time consuming.” their results at 9am on the day that It is still diffi cult for students to Lovely party in the clit pub. they are released before they are erase their name entirely from the Really very lovely. made public at 4.30pm in the tradi- class lists. Individuals must apply to But the evening kicked tional class lists. their college in advance to request off rather early for one right The change follows a campaign for their name to be removed, and honourable lady, who sent by CUSU who branded the ritual as permission is only granted in excep- Lusty Etonian Number One “humiliating”. Ant Bagshaw, CUSU tional circumstances, such as mental back to her boudoir, brimming Education Officer, commented: illness. Moreover, some anxiety with promises and drowning in “Posting the exam results is tradi- remains regarding the publication proposals, to await her return. tion for tradition’s sake and there is of results of the Mathematics Tripos Before the night was through, no justifi cation in it. The big stress is which will continue to be read out however, she’d quickly acquired another suitor, Lusty Etonian Number Two, we shall call him. Number Two was led, by England flags banned Professor sinks teeth into hand, back to said dwelling for a Cambrdge Councl restrcts dsplays of St love-in and told to make his own benefits of fake meat way up whilst our brazen lady George’s flags on Rversde homes freshened up. She promptly fell asleep atop her throne. ordered to take down her England fl ag fat and adding vital omega oils, he IONA VICTA Etonians One and Two quickly from her balcony before England’s N ITTA says that cultured meat could be a became acquainted, however, fi rst World Cup game against the healthier addition to a balanced diet. and the right honourable lady Residents of the Riverside area of USA. She said: “I just think the Vegans and vegetarians who was not really missed amidst Cambridge have been banned from whole thing is ridiculous. It’s only for A Cambridge scientist has claimed restrict their diets for ethical reasons the heat of the night. fl ying the England fl ag throughout a couple of weeks. It’s disappointing that the development of synthetic are expected to welcome the news. The the World Cup as it could be deemed the company has done this.” meat could help to slow down climate process could eradicate controver- LaserPest “offensive”. Her fl ag has now been moved change. sial farming practices, including the Atlantis Estates, property manag- indoors and hangs in her window In an essay entitled ‘Culturing rearing of The stamp of any memorable ers of St Bartholomew’s Court, asked overlooking the River Cam. Meat For The Future: Anti-Death May Week evening is, without residents to take down their fl ags Another resident ripped the letter Versus Anti-Life’, Caius Prof. Brian a doubt, an hour spent groping before the World Cup began, warning from Wherry Housing Association Ford claims that the mass produc- around in the dark - unstable, residents that fl ying the fl ag would in outrage. He said, “It’s just totally tion of animal muscle tissue would drunkenly violent and yet breach their leasehold agreements. pathetic. If you can’t fl y the fl ag provide a healthier and more determined to carry on. They also maintained, “It is consid- during the World Cup then we might environmentally friendly alter- Laserquest is the unfailing ered that the fl ags are a nuisance and as well just give up. I don’t know native to conventional meat. 2am pick-me-up. Adolescent could be offensive to others.” what this company is thinking. The The renowned academic, memories add to the fun. Until, Wherry Housing Association, who fl ag is not offensive. That’s like saying also a TV and radio broad- that is, one Prince Charming, wrote the letter at the request of England is offensive.” caster, believes the current one true gentleman, decides that Atlantis Estates, allows fl ags to be Nevertheless, Andrew Strong, consumption of animal meat a dark corner of the battlefi eld fl own in its other city properties. managing director of Atlantis is unsustainable. is the most appropriate place to They said, “We think this is ridicu- Estates, remains loyal to the decision, Livestock farming is relieve himself. Slippery fl oor, lous and we were reluctant to send “We have been trying to get that fl ag responsible for a large amount yellow shore, accidents galore. the letter. We have streets we manage down for two or three weeks. This is of greenhouse emissions. Ford here in Arbury that are covered in not about offending other people but believes that the widespread

England fl ags. Residents have put is part of the leasehold agreement acceptance of “cultured” meat would GVERET TERED Mecca Me Laugh on a fantastic display of support for which some residents have asked eliminate the need for most of the Two houses of this university, England.” us to act on. If we were to allow this livestock population. battery chickens. both alike in dignity, standing One of the 80 residents of St Bartho- there are 80 or 90 fl ats that could have By producing the synthetic meat Cultured meat is made by growing and repute – the Cambridge lomew’s court, Bridie Lenagham, was lots of different fl ags fl ying.” near urban areas and developing long- muscle cells in a laboratory; a method University Footlights and the COLIN GREGORY PALMER life products that wouldn’t require that many believe would be cheaper Arabic Society to be precise – refrigeration, the CO2 emitted and more effi cient than traditional forged exciting new relations through transport and electricity farming. last Friday evening. could also be reduced. But the reaction among Cambridge At what can only be described Fewer animals to feed would also students has been less than positive. A as a crisis meeting in a well mean fewer nitrate fertilisers, which fi rst-year Historian, who is a vegetar- known theatre bar, an eminent can damage waterways by causing ian, said: “I don’t eat meat, but that’s comedian dished out some of his low levels of oxygen. mainly because I don’t like its taste very best lines and proffered his With the demand for agricultural and texture. Prof. Ford’s recommen- services to one of Cambridge’s land greatly reduced, Ford claims dations haven’t convinced me.” eastern jewels. Five times a food for the entire world could be No cultured meat has yet been day? Not quite – but an impres- produced within an area the size of produced for public consumption. sive thrice in the ADC toilets an industrial estate. Some scientists claim that the process isn’t bad. Prof. Ford also claims further is only in need of a commercial backer benefi ts for the product. By reducing for it to become widely available. Ball Reviews Editor: Molly Beck Monday June 14th 2010 5 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Ball REviEws Ball Reviews Balls in Brief

paul smith

Hughes Hall May Ball 

Whilst Hughes Hall may lack the age and prestige of fellow colleges, the spirit of the college and the sense of pride among the students shone through as the ball kicked off May Week. There were a few nuisances throughout the night, mainly in the lack of readily available food and the stilted pace between entertainment. However, the main acts were top class enter- tainment on a low budget. The CU Ceiledh band kicked off the night, followed by the amazing Selwyn Jazz Band, all leading up to the main act – a Lady Gaga tribute. Though Gaga was at times awkward, particularly with audience members, it was a fitting tribute and she proved to be thoroughly entertain- ing, filling the dance floor with guests. Other attractions included a ferris wheel, a masseuse, free Delights aplenty in Paris after dark manicures courtesy of Marks and Spencer, as well as live owls (the mascot of Hughes) from the the Eiffel Tower and the Moulin pop of the latter, signed to hip World Owl Trust. And of course, Folie d’une Nuit Rouge, the college resembled a French label Kitsuné, made them it had all the perks of a smaller robinson may ball Gallic wonderland, whose splen- a perfect choice of band. While ball – hardly any queues and no 40000  dour only grew as the sun set. Paris is renowned for its electronic claustrophobia-inducing crowds Number of jelly beans The drinks and cuisine on offer music, Alex Metric proved no Daft on the dance floors. hat’s a May Ball but some were diverse, complementary to Punk, despite his best attempts. courtney wilkinson fireworks, a band and the French theme for enthusiastic The Radio One DJ disappointingly Wa chocolate fountain? foodies. Sure, sparkling wine, as failed to fill the tent even to half- Emmanuel June Event All these hallmarks of decadence opposed to champers, is an inevi- capacity during the traditional 2km exist at Robinson’s annual May table fixture at a budget Ball, but ‘off-your-face-and-in-need-of-a-  Total distance of electrical cabling Week-launching shindig, but at after a few glasses of the stuff, it dance’ 1 am slot. used to wire the ball £75 a ticket, these cost a snip hardly makes a difference. And not Instead, King’s EllaFunks “Welcome to Hollywood!” The of its wealthier competitors’ even the canteen-like surroundings fared better. The charms of Ella Emmanuel June Event was equivalents. Folie d’une Nuit of Robinson’s Garden Restaurant, Jones and her saxophone-tooting certainly a heady mix of movie affirmed the college’s reputation under the moniker of Le Restau- men packed the tent out for their decadence and silver screen enter- for hosting Cambridge’s best rant du Jardin, could detract from breakfast appearance, proving a tainment. Revellers wandered value Ball, celebrating the end of the tastiness of the coq au vin, fitting musical accompaniment to through a subway, emerging 1400 a proud term where noted alumni goats cheese wraps and tartiflette the energy-injecting pain au choco- into a ‘behind-the-scenes’ LA Number of guests of the red brick fortress have been reblechon being served. Outside, lat and coffee. wowrld, complete with giant film elected Deputy Prime Minister in the spectacularly lit garden, It was the abundance of options reel, huge city skylines and even and become engaged to Charlie hog roasts, doughnuts and crepes (underground silent disco, Johnny Depp sinking in a pirate Brooker. were devoured. Les grenouilles anyone?), impossible to cram into ship. The Ents team managed to Joining a queue snaking along and escargots were conspicuously eight hours, which defined the cater for all tastes, The English 13 Grange Road an hour before absent in this Parisian night- Ball. Often the magic lay in the summer didn’t play along all Number of committee members opening time, the wait was enliv- world. On the other hand, drinks unexpected. News of an unfortu- the time, but the food injected a ened by a burlesque troupe of abounded. A venture into the nate urine-based incident couldn’t more summery vibe, keeping the mademoiselles, complimenting trees was rewarded by an array of detract from the appeal of the hungry hordes happy, as did an ball-goers’ attire in accents more luridly coloured cocktails. Laser Quest, and, after a couple almost baffling range of cocktails. Essex than Parisian. Once inside, Following an exceptional of Pimms, a giddy stint on the ball After the unfortunate contro- though, the triumphant ‘Paris fireworks display, Où Est Le pit-cum-bouncy castle resulted versy over last year’s theme, the 20 After Dark’ theme became appar- Swimming Pool and Two Door in another of the remarkable empire certainly did strike back. Number of units of alcohol bought per person ent. Draped with red carpets and Cinema Club played on the main evening’s countless highlights. alice hancock adorned by projected images of stage. The highly-danceable indie paul smith 6 Monday June 14th 2010 Comment Ed tor Rhys Jones COENT www varsty co uk comment@varsty co uk

Overrated “It is disappointing that a politician nicknamed ‘two brains’ could label all students Comment in such an obtuse manner.’ TOM CHIGBO David Willetts: student myth-maker

Sophie Dahl The fool sh remarks made by the new un vers t es m n ster merely perpetuate the r d culous myth that all students are lazy, drunk, pr v leged, and a waste of publ c money hat’s so evil about Sophie Dahl? She’s “the innovators, professionals and kids returning from “gap yahs” in than the rest of the population. Wjust a sub-standard public servants that will drive Peru. During the General Election They make valuable contributions Nigella Lawson, drifting the economic recovery of the students in many constituencies to their communities through apple-cheekedly around a UK”. Porter is right to assert the were inexplicably forced to queue academic pursuits, social activities mocked up country kitchen, economic benefi t of higher educa- separately from “residents” on and voluntary work. Their clubs, pressing herself up against hot tion to the UK. Taken together, polling day. Later they were societies and students’ unions Agas, and putting her fi nger UK universities contribute an casually blamed by offi cials for the are often standard bearers of unnecessarily often into her estimated £59 billion to the fact that hundreds of voters were community cohesion and support mouth. That’s all. And yet economy each year, after receiving turned away, unable to vote, at the vulnerable by providing a she represents a greater evil only £10 billion in public funding, 10pm. number of important services. than even this – she is a prime which amounts to 10% less public In reality, the debacle had much Universities and their students example of that unchecked investment as a proportion of GDP more to do with the poor planning, must work together to promote cultural plague: the multitask- than the OECD average. lack of resources and incompetence this positive impact. The challenge ing model. TOM CHIGBO Furthermore, in a global of offi cials who were quick to blame in Cambridge is perhaps as great At least Tyra Banks has economy where skills and knowl- others. Whether it’s applied to as anywhere in the UK, due to the good grace to make it ast week, David Willetts, edge acquired at universities “chavs”, immigrants, or bankers, the historical divisions between clear she’s a complete nutcase Minister of State for Univer- are needed to gain access to an scapegoating and stereotyping “town” and “gown” and the physi- when she asks us to buy Lsities, described students increasing number of trades and of this kind should cal separations between into her latest piece of self as “a burden on the taxpayer”, due professions, higher education is a always be unaccept- College and community. promotion. She makes no real to the high cost of degrees and crucial driver of social mobility. We able. However, with However our ability attempt to align herself with the student loan system. While need more, not fewer, people to go students making up to do this could have her public; rather she stands Willetts is right to be thinking to university and the state owes it a larger proportion a huge impact on triumphantly above us, glanc- creatively about how to fund higher to our poorest and most deprived of the UK than how higher educa- ing over the ever-expanding education, it is disappointing that communities to continue support- the populations tion is funded and empire of her tepid fi lm a politician clever enough to have ing students through higher of either Wales ultimately, how cameos and book deals, sternly been nicknamed “two brains” could education. But while schools, or Scotland, it much students reminding her myrmidons to label students in such an obtuse hospitals, and other public services is particularly are made to ‘smile with the eyes’. But not manner. Frankly, his remarks are vehemently defended from all worrying that pay. I have repre- Sophie – no, she is desperate to undervalue the importance of corners of society, tertiary educa- cheap mischarac- sented students for be her audience’s infuriatingly higher and further education to our tion continues to be deemed an terisations abound. The a year and seen their beautiful gal-pal. She presents economy and the contribution of optional indulgence too expensive reality differs greatly from positive contributions to herself to viewers of cookery students to our society. for the public purse. This tragic the picture painted by Willetts. Cambridge. If Willetts disagrees series The Delicious Miss New NUS President, Aaron situation relies on a number of Most students hold full or part- with me, I am happy to intro- Dahl or readers of Miss Dahl’s Porter, led the chorus of outraged misconceptions about universi- time jobs alongside their studies. duce him to the amazing work of Voluptuous Delights (sadly a students challenging Willetts’ ties as remote ivory towers and Their generally healthier lifestyles Cambridge students and convince recipe book) as a trustworthy, words, stating that students are students as lazy, drunk, privileged mean they rely less on the NHS him otherwise. slightly naughty acquaintance. The kind of perfect friend who pops round your house with a dusting of fl our on her pert cleavage asking if you’d like a slice of freshly baked banana A man on Mars may mean life after earth bread, and could you possibly read the manuscript for her coming-of-age ‘novel’? Frankly Necess ty suggests we could head to the red planet Greed w ll take us there Sophie, I’d rather bang my head repeatedly with the oven But surely humanity as a whole overarching vision and we don’t of course be dependent on cargo door than read your book – and has an aim? Is there a use for our care for each other very much – drops from Earth, but not as a it seems the public agree. accumulated knowledge? Univer- not as individuals; not as members form of welfare or relief – rather, Lovely Sophie is an example sal healthcare, free movement of of the human race. to make up the balance of trade. of the consequences that come people and gross domestic product No, we will go to Mars for Tough and dangerous work will be from being beautiful, fairly won’t matter a jot at the time of its resources. Science thought well rewarded. Settlers emigrat- intelligent, and never having the apocalypse. it ludicrous to drill oil from the ing to Martian outposts will form experienced a day of disap- Perhaps our fundamental aim, sea bed, right up until the point their own societies. Children born pointment. The result? Her then, should be our most primal: it became affordable. So when on Mars would have a life, a job, awful belief that anything she survival. Settling other worlds we can mine rare metals on and no reason to return to Earth. is remotely capable at, whether is the ultimate means to achieve Mars, we will. And without the Our descendants will live picking up a pen or using the OLI MCFARLANE this, and Mars, with its similar vexations of wildlife or an indig- naturally on an engineered planet. toaster, must be transmitted gravity and comparatively hospi- enous population our plans would Even biologically we are prepared, to the public, celebrated, and table conditions, is the fi rst step. not be frustrated. Indeed, to the given that our body clock is eerily glossily photographed. Sophie hoever you are, I can Obviously. We won’t be shipping question: Is there life on Mars? in sync with the Martian day that confuses being capable with summarise your life people to Mars to preserve our We may offer a stout and jubilant lasts just 40 minutes longer than being able. Sadly, her brand of Win three words. Work. kind though. The settlers of the reply: Nope. ours. Our nature is to consume and cuddly, faux-bohemian lifestyle Play. Die. You may strut around New World had no illusions of a It takes nine months to travel to compete and we will not stop at porn will continue to sell so the college ball like a big shot, grand purpose, they were escap- to Mars with current technology. Mars. long as self-hating yummy- but beyond this bubble you’re a ing religious persecution. The Limited by the speed of light a Mankind will survive, whether mummies continue to offer a nothing. And in the context of fi rst to go West across America message to Earth would take up to we are able to work together or captive, clamouring audience. the universe, you needn’t bother did it to stake their claim on 20 minutes at times, any reply 40. not, whether we like each other VICTORIA BEALE existing. You and your Cambridge land. The Europeans in Australia Those transferring to Mars would or not. We have all the time in the degree can’t change anything. were exiles. Humanity shares no be there to stay.These colonies will universe. Comment Ed tor Rhys Jones Monday June 14th 2010 7 comment@varsty co uk www varsty co uk COMMENT Confidently incompetent The publ c may always th nk t knows best, but our new Pr me M n ster would do well to re gn n the r worry ng susp c on of competency Sadly, h s educat on pol cy suggests otherw se this subject whereas you have half because it is democratic. The enough security to give up a stable that work for children from rich a GCSE; that I have worked in theory is that everybody’s job for such a project. In other backgrounds also work for those Whitehall for forty years, you fi rst narrow, self-centred opinions words, the middle classes; more from deprived homes. But let’s not googled ‘politics’ last Tuesday. when combined and squashed into specifi cally, pushy parents. Yes, be under any illusion: most won’t, This sometimes saddens me. I parliamentary form, should create some particular visionaries will, most don’t. As a rule, systems would sometimes like to say “I’m a kind of meta-opinion, centred on with no professional background, cater for those who create them. right, because I know more about the narrow self of the entire body create systems for the universal In basing his educational policy this than you” or even “I agree with of the franchise. This, of course, good. Equally, some methods on DIY Schools, in allowing their her because she knows more than only works if everybody is actively existence at all, Cameron is in me”, but it’s correct that I can’t, enfranchised; lop a limb off the grave danger of creating anew a usually. body politic and this system will no “Barely a day goes system that is well suited to the WILL GHOSH One of the main criticisms of longer cater for them – not even in needs of the rich, and fails the the ‘amateur-who-knows-better’ theory. by when I don’t disadvantaged. is that it is in principle very easy David Cameron and Michael Gove Teaching professionals and Local here’s nothing more annoy- to learn facts, but much harder to would do well to remember this strut around Education Authorities – not parent ing than a lay-man who understand systems; anyone can before they push through their new informing all pressure groups – are employed T‘knows best’. What’s particu- have a narrow knowledge, but not ‘Do-It-Yourself Schools’ policy. In and trained to give the greatest larly annoying about it is that everyone can have a broad under- principle it sounds great: if every- who’ll listen that I educational benefi t to the greatest almost everyone I’ve ever met is standing. You may have an opinion body could work to create a school number; that is the cornerstone of culpable, myself particularly so. on feet, but this does not make that was perfectly tailored to their could do a better comprehensive education. Unless Barely a day goes by when I don’t you a podiatrist. This feud is best child we might theoretically get we can come up with a system in fantasise about telling a trained illustrated in the Post Offi ce queue: a school system which worked for job than Emile which everybody can genuinely professional in some remote and I would have no problem whatso- every child. But not everybody can. contribute for the good of every- complicated fi eld exactly how I feel ever explaining to the assistant The franchise only extends here Heskey” body, this is one area where the he should be doing his job; when how I might get what I need right to the suffi ciently educated, or the taboo of competence must be I don’t strut around informing now, but I’d be stumped if asked to suffi ciently well off, or those with broken. all who’ll listen that I could do a come up with a system which could better job than Emile Heskey if get everybody what they needed only Fabio would put me on the immediately. plane. The idea of competence is That said, the reason ‘compe- deeply unfashionable in a furiously tence’ should remain a taboo, that enfranchised society. It is no longer lay-people should be allowed to possible to win an argument by express their annoying opinions asserting that I have a Ph.D in freely and without prejudice is Trade in today for a brand new Sony From an old pair of headphones to a television that’s had its day, bring us your old kit and we’ll give you up to £150* off the Sony equivalent

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10 Monday June 14th 2010 Features Editor: Lara Prendergast FEaturEs www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Julia Carolyn Lichnova gleans long-lost gems from the Varsity Archives, digging her way through the history of May Week – in print

o, after a rollercoaster ride 1952. “To a number of undergradu- front-page material, and trod the of a mindboggling year, here ates, May Week is what Christmas fine line between offending others Syou are in May Week. Those was to Scrooge.” The cure to this and offending itself. who have questioned its dubious middle-class malaise was May Writers of the sixties often took title will have already dipped their Weeks stories of old. Apparently, a some of the most imaginative toes in its history. And – let’s face it rich St John’s student once “turned approaches to May Week. Quirky – since its title is misleading to say his rooms into a sumptuous garden gatecrashing advice, such as “The ball-crashers’ hands always get dirtier than the legitimate partici- pants, so take a small polythene bag pack of Kleenex”, began to appear. While some journalists of this generation treasured May Week and its history, others treated it with disdain. “May Week is organised for people who like to who’d look good in anything.” The Later issues never quite think they’re smarter, hippier, and dangers of the bunchy dress: “They prodded May Week from so many more sophisticated than they are collect grass stains off the lawns, perspectives. Highlights include and since that’s all of us, every- and break glasses, which could be descriptions of duck racing and body has a good time,” bleats one dangerous.” a guide to alcohols worthy of such cynic. An article supposedly A pleasing bizzarerie of the 60s Withnail’s Uncle Monty (“Mayweek, explaining The Bumps ends with a was the replacement of Farcity that major dome of vicarious pleas- downhearted “You’ll find things a with an entertaining 8-page ures announces again the scent of lot easier when you buy a program”. magazine, May Week, in which honey…”). From the mid-seventies Not much sixties spirit there, then. often not a single article related to to the late eighties Varsity merged Be that as it may – if you forgive with STOP PRESS, a radical the least, this is the case for most of – painting the ceiling blue and the pun – these were very different student newspaper, and rarely us. Here instead are the May Week carpeting the floor with real turf times indeed. Back then, the best “Girls from covered May Week in detail. We highlights which adorned Varsity which was duly watered each day”, tea in Cambridge was at the Union, know that there was, however, a issues of the past. a setup that lasted until the floor at 2s 6d. Back then, King’s College, outside tradition of punting to Grantch- The paper was officially founded collapsed a week later. Despite the which now hosts the King’s Affair ester for tea the morning after a in 1947, and so we know that in high entertainment value of this every year, held one May Ball every Cambridge who ball. In 1972, the May Week edition the late forties, excited “fathers, story, the ’52 article concludes “May two years. And back then, with of Varsity also made categorically mothers, sisters, brothers, cousins, Week has lost its May Week touch”. flower power in full bloom, May were brought to no mention of any events but was uncles and aunts” came pouring Surely to combat this lapse in Ball fashion advice was very à la May Balls were printed entirely on pink paper. On into the city in May Week. However, entertainment standards, Varsity mode – and put together with only the other hand, the 1992 paper this surely promising event was published ‘Farcity.’ Self-subtitled the pleasure of the male undergrad- labelled ‘imported punctiliously reviewed almost met with an ennui bordering on ‘the degenerate newspaper’, this uate in mind. One proud headline every ball. At Selwyn, it consisted despondence. “Everyone finds it questionable publication came out boasts: “It doesn’t matter what goods’.” of “no beer and lots of sweaty odious…”, mourns one writer in every May Week in the late forties you wear, as long as He likes it!”, people sitting on the floor”, recom- and early fifties. It turned the followed by a double-page spread mended only “for couples over 78”. idea that some dons posessed a of outfits He might like and why. its title. Instead, the unsuspecting Trinity had hot air balloon rides. certain semblance to turtles into Given that the female kind were reader was presented with a cornu- Jesus Ball promised a hostess called so few and far between – a rare copeia of agreeable factoids about Rosie, “the original sexagenarian species found only at Newnham organ rim trimming (“Cambridge raver”. St Catherine’s Ball that and Girton – Varsity would allot a colleges have long been strong- year is, sadly, described only as special space on its back page to holds of this demanding and highly “unfortunately, not a raunchy affair.” photographs of good-looking broads. specialised art”) and extended Thus concludes my brief escapade Girls from outside Cambridge who articles on flying saucers and into the realms of Varsity issues were brought to May Balls were bullfighting. A ‘Woman’s Page’ gave past. For dessert, perhaps you’d labelled ‘imported goods’. Despite girls advice on what to do when like to mull over King’s students’ this, some of the fashion editors’ not ceding to patriarchal fashion attempts to launch Cambridge’s words of advice ring true even trends, mostly consisting of throw- first pirate radio station in May in this modern world: “Make-up, ing parties and cooking. This odd Week 1966. How about alterna- hair-do, stockings combination of the traditional and tives to May Balls – the Cambridge – all those things the unconventional clearly thrived, Midsummer Pop Festival of 1969, you forgot during as epitomised by the following apparently “the greatest free pop exams, or ignored sentence. “The May Balls are the extravaganza staged in Europe”, or the rest of the apogee of a Cambridge summer,” the Alternative May Ball organised term, must now – coos a journalist who clearly by the Corn Exchange in 1971? be put right,” expects the average reader to know Perhaps dessert isn’t necessary – they implore. that an apogee is a loose term for we all knew the cherry on the cake And remember an apsis, the most far-away point of May Ball facts is that Peter Cook to “avoid bunchy from the Earth in an elliptical orbit met his wife posing for a Varsity dresses, unless – “… so if you are to compete, be the May Ball photoshoot. Or… did we? you’re a beauty ultimate in female desireability.” KATHERINE SPENCE

Features Ed tor Lara Prendergast Monday June 14th 2010 11 features@vars tycouk wwwvars tycouk FEATURES The Delightful Don

Mary Beard, Classics editor of the Times Literary Supplement, and author of the online blog, ‘A Don’s Life’, talks to Victoria Hermon about Greek tragedy and May Week festivities

was a little nervous about meeting Mrs point that the term ‘women in the workplace’ they offered me the opportunity to write provide inspiration and recommendations Beard. Having been described as a comes up – the beginning of a feminist rant?) one for The Times.” “At fi rst I was anxious for future pieces. On top of this, she often I‘staunch-feminist-classicist’, a quick foray “You’ll see if you ever have children that as a about the whole idea of it,” she explains, “The attracts attention from a much wider national onto her Wikipedia profi le confi rmed this. mother you are left with a lot of free time... majority of blogs seem to be written by the and international audience. Thus, the op- Would I have anything in common with such just never in the bulk amounts required for sorts of people who phone in to late night portunity to have a regular electronic blog, a character; or would the interview fail after serious study... you will have twenty minutes television shows to rant about the chip on available to all, was undeniable; it allows a stagnant ten minutes? My experience of here and there throughout the day.” It was their shoulder.” for immediacy of discussion. “It’s enjoyable feminism extends only so far as a few pieces this “twenty minutes” that resulted in her For Beard however, the whole experience to watch the ripples of your piece expand of ‘feminist’ criticism for my Shakespeare beginning to write reviews for The Times has been “immensely satisfying”, and her quickly across the international press, as exam; the most irritating of which critiqued Literary Supplement (TLS). Soon enough, cheery but realistic insights into Cambridge other writers pick up what you have said and imagined female characters in the tragedies. Mrs Beard became a regular on their pages life have earned her the epithet ‘the delight- enter into discourse with you.” Moreover, Aside from this, the only image my mind and not too long after that she became the ful Don’. The blog penetrates through the she has the “chance to educate readers on could conjure up was that she might ask editor of the classics pages. “The way it hap- bubble to the outside world, something that the wonders of the classical world”, another me to burn my bra. Moreover, my grasp of pened was delightfully old-fashioned.” She ever since a four year spell lecturing at reason why the online nature of her blog is Classics is somewhat limited. Having only approached the outgoing editor to enquire King’s College London, she has realised is ab- studied Latin until I was 16, my knowledge who would be taking over, to be greeted with solutely necessary. “I love Cambridge... but can be encapsulated into a few sentences the news “Well Mary, we were rather hoping it is essential to remind yourself that there is “The majority of blogs consisting of such over quoted phrases as you would do it.” And so it went an outside world, and to ‘Metella est Mater...Caecilius est in Horto’... I from there. The blog itself engage with it.” seem to be written by think that’s right. also came around somewhat She has ac- Fortunately, Mrs Beard’s online blog, ‘A accidentally. After being quired a “keen the sorts of people Don’s Life’, is designed for people exactly like approached by another group of me. That is, with seriously stunted knowl- national to pen one, regular who phone in to late edge of the classical world. She intertwines she requested follow- stories from her day to day life as well as permission from ers” night television shows the news, with classical reference; ensuring her superiors. who that her readers are at once entertained and “Instead, to rant about the chip educated. In spite of the blog’s title, her entries are on their shoulder.” intended to dispel the stereotypical view of Cambridge academics as bumbling, port swilling fools, fl oating around in gardens or on punts. As she explained, she “would love so attractive to her. “In the printed press, to dine at high table every night... but I’m if I wanted to write an article about Greek just too bloody busy.” tragedy, I would have to spend at least half Instead, the blog is about her everyday the page explaining its conventions. On fi ndings: refl ections on her students, her sub- a website, I can post a link, from which ject and her work. A recent entry discusses all the information my readers may need her concerns for how best to prepare her is just a click away.” In this way, she Newnham fi nalists for their exams – she took explains, she is engaging her readers them on a day trip to Paris. She’s certainly with ideas and traditions of which many not your typical DoS. would otherwise be unaware. Despite her efforts however, criticism So far, so good – no disarmingly feminist from the tabloids is unavoidable. She is responses. I had also been instructed often “utterly shocked at the press’ reac- to probe her on May Week. Surely a tions to the blog”, for they seem intent famous liberal would have a lot to say on portraying her and her fellow ‘dons’ about this? “My opinion on the matter as “fusty old fools”, and will amplify the is disappointingly conservative... tiniest throwaway remark to make their even though I believe that the point. things I did post-exams were Take for instance, the extensive more interesting (she was an coverage that her May 21st entry undergraduate at Newnham), received. In an article which lamented I cannot blame the students for a Britain in which Health and Safety having the fun that they do, or at has “gone mad”, Mrs Beard discussed the intensity they elect to have the refurbishment of the Classics it.” That being said, she “would Department. In what was, in reality, not want to fi nd herself on King’s an insignifi cantly miniscule comment, Parade on a May Week morning.” Mrs Beard remarked that amongst the Asked what she makes of Greek lettering on the door, there was tabloid coverage of the antics, an English ‘S’. The Nationals jumped at Mrs Beard muses that “they the opportunity to show “toffs getting don’t have pictures of you all it wrong.” The Telegraph called it shitting yourselves in the UL “embarrassing” and The Mail said the for four weeks before exams. If “blunder” was “humiliating”, conclud- they printed both sides of the ing that Aristotle is “all Greek to story, it would make for far less Cambridge Academics.” “When things sensationalist Hooray Henry like this occur it can be irritating,” she coverage... and less of a night- explains, but the positive results of mare for access.” A surprisingly her fi ve-year-old blog far outweigh non-liberal opinion on it all then, the negative. or maybe she just remembers Her career in journalism began how soul-destroying a fourteen when she found herself at home with hour library session can be. two young children. (It is at this MARTHA RAWLINSON 12 Monday June 14th 2010 Theatre Ed tor August na D as TEATRE www varsty co uk theatre@varsty co uk

HANNAH BOHMDUCHEN View from the Good For You ADC THEATRE Groundlings 

s I waited for the Footlights tour show to Astart, I was made acutely aware of the trials of being an English student. Sitting in the auditorium, I read the message emblazoned on the stage: Good For You. This, I knew, was the title of the show. I also knew I should have left it at that. Sadly, the borderline neurotic nature of the way I’ve come to read May Week Theatre anything that vaguely resembles a text meant that I saw not one, t’s such a beautiful thing. All but two readings: this show could kinds of people united for a be good for you in the same way Ifew select nights, watched as, say, lentils and blown-up by awe-stricken crowds. It’s pictures of celebrities’ cellulite. what we’ve all been awaiting for Wholesome. Perhaps strangely a long, long time. No, not the reassuring. It could also mean World Cup, you dolt. I meant that the performers themselves May Week. May Week shows, are good, i.e. funny, for you, i.e. to be precise. As this year the audience. Despite my pride at “Okay, go with us on this one – happened, which was sad, since I appears to be something of a being capable of discerning such “Good f or y ou? what if...?” It’s also interesting really wanted to like the sketches corker. Shakespeare unequivo- a multiplicity of meanings after to see how each of the different based the ideas behind them. If cally swamps the hearts and several pre-show doses of Baileys, Why yes. Footlights brings their own comic the work these performers are minds of our acting population I also realised this set a weighty viewpoint to the group, the fi nal doing has one fl aw, it is a tendency once again, as we kick-start the premise. Bit of an ambitious claim, Most certainly.” product being an amalgam of to go for the most obvious joke, week with the Mighty Players’ isn’t it? Presumptuous, even? Just varied but nevertheless often even if the overarching idea is performance of Love’s Labours as my session of rudimentary surreally funny insights. sharply intelligent. Lost, chez Selwyn. General Practical Criticism was about shown how to market Frink when The show’s greatest advantage However, there were sketches bardiness continues with the to drive me completely nuts, out you don’t know what the hell it is is that it’s in a constant state of that were superbly written, BATS’ eagerly awaited render- came the Footlights – and titular and how to deal with off-the-rails fl ux, the weaker sketches being timed and acted: my favourite ing of Measure For Measure at semantics aside, they were bloody cereal characters via being intro- eschewed in favour of the best was a situation in which a group Queens’, rounded off with a dose funny. duced to the coolest Maths teacher ones over the show’s run at the of breathtakingly corrupt drug of Henry IV from the thesps at The group performed new ever. The troupe moves rapidly ADC. I’ll be honest, not all of the barons all share a secret that Clare. sketches touching on all aspects of from one sketch to the next, the sketches had me laughing hysteri- they don’t want to tell each other. But not to fear if quite frankly life’s craziness, from the repercus- best part being the way they cally; in fact quite a few in the fi rst Hilariously awkward revelations you couldn’t give a monkey’s tit sions of having a telepathic friend, evidently enjoy playing around half seemed awkwardly written ensue. I hope they keep this one about this Shakespeare bloke, to auditioning for a part in Othello: with weird ideas and seeing where despite being well performed. I in. whatever he’s written. Given when all you really want to play they will go; you get a real sense found myself predicting what the This show got me laughing and the array of other shows being is the mysterious and charismatic of them acting out a sketch and punch lines of many of the gags thinking in equal measure. So – put on round and about, all that Dirk Lavender. On the way we’re asking you as their audience: would be long before they actually good for you? Yes. AUGUSTINA DIAS glisters isn’t Will’s for the taking. At Corpus Playroom, we’ve got some exciting new writing from n the wood- pleasers, which ur heroine The Importance of sauntered around Ryan O’Sullivan in the shape panelled Doing Philosophy I suppose tells Gwendolen the stage, perfectly of a loving tribute to Sod’s law, Isetting GREAT HALL, TRINITY COLLEGE you more about Odeclares “in Being Earnest capturing Wilde’s I Heart Louie Sandys, which of Trinity’s  the crowd matters of grave ST JOHN’S COLLEGE GARDENS trademark satiris- looks to be a quirkily promis- great hall, an than anything. importance, style,  ing wit. With Jack, ing antidote to the positively assortment of students, alumni There were some dire moments: not sincerity is the there is always a mammoth-scale productions on and fellows gathered last night ruminations of post-modernism vital thing.” So, on account of their risk of overacting, leaving the everywhere else. And of course, to watch Doing Philosophy, an and linguistic philosophy were ‘style’, the Lady Margaret Players audience with a tedious nineteenth- there is the Footlights Tour operetta directed by Bob Thomas. poorly received; set changes were were sure to pass muster from century Basil Fawlty, a painful Mr Show at the ADC, which will And to pretty much everyone’s overly-long and much of the acting the outset. It is true, there are Bean even. But Mercer worked most defi nitely not be in blank surprise they generally enjoyed was of a dubious standard. few plays better suited to college the character to a perfect degree verse. Or at least if it is, I’m sure themselves: this was in The overall comic effect came gardens than The Importance of of ‘inept’. Lady Bracknell too, they’re trying to be funny about spite of the show’s not from the philosophical Being Earnest but, staging the cannot go without mention. Ball it. They were certainly funny daft plot, which refl ections, but from much performance around a blossom- sustained her histrionic gestures, about some other stuff. centres on a dean baser kinds of gags: for all the ing tree, this production really shrill intonation and obnoxious However, we do like a bit whose missing show’s learned allusions, it was exploited all the opportunities. accent with full zeal throughout the of fuss and bother. So if it is swan becomes a man prancing about on stage The atmosphere was fl awlessly performance. The result was that spectacular shows you want, a star philoso- in a swan costume that got the constructed. I entered the perfor- special sort of actress whose every Emmanuel’s A Little Night phy fellow. biggest laugh of the night. mance a wet puppy, damp and appearance is eagerly awaited by Music should be just the thing. We may as Watching Doing Philosophy fl oundering, despite the myriad the audience. We’re even offered She Stoops well leave it was like going to an absurdly arrows and signs littered about for It is true that Wilde’s exquisite To Conquer, and The Impor- at that. erudite end-of-the-pier show us incapables. But this kerfuffl e one-liners guarantee a spattering tance of Being Earnest, meaning The with a black-tie dress code, its swiftly dissolved in a complimen- of chuckles from any audience. there is even quaint olde worlde singing was of main strength being its pantomime tary glass of Pimms, the charming But the special success of this charm from whichever historical mixed quality, quality. The gigantic portrait of setting and the gaggles of gents production lay in the cast’s ability, period of your preference. Which though Michael Henry VIII watched over the drowning in blazers, starch and without exception, to infl ate the is great if, like myself, your Craddock in particular whole spectacle; I couldn’t help but shoe polish. Whether the latter characters whose caricature is so theatrical tastes secretly run to was outstanding, and the set was feel that he would have approved were planted or just the custom- elemental to the comedy and to mock-Tudor and the occasional creaky – though the laughs kept of this operetta’s mixture of cheap ary product of twenty-something Wilde’s comment on Victorian High frilly lace curtain. coming at fairly regular inter- gags and scholarly references. It Cambridge folk and the words Society – its impermeability, its And so I urge you to put down vals. References to Wittgenstein, was very hit and miss, but this was ‘May’ and ‘Week’, we’ll never know. conception of good manners and the remote control and head Trinity statues and the economics a performance that did not take The play opened to Johnston’s the very formality that compels to the box offi ce. Yes, I know and sexuality of early modern itself seriously and so ultimately effortlessly playful Algie Moncri- our heroes to “go Bunburying”. there’s a World Cup on. But – Silesian peasants were all crowd won me over. OLIVER CRAWFORD eff. Teasing Jack mercilessly, he AVANTIKA CHILKOTI dare I say it? – in this day and age, there’s also Sky Plus. GUIDE TO STAR RATINGS  TUMBLE EED  FORCED RICTUS  NERVOUS TITTER  HEARTY CHUCKLE AUGUSTINA DIAS  OMGROFLMAOLOLZOR Reviews Editor: Jessica Jennings Monday June 14th 2010 13 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk REviEws

Maggi Hambling: she has been up to for the last ten many of these artworks a single painting ‘Midnight Wave’ gives years. flourish suddenly seems to irrigate the feeling of night passing and Cruise The Wave It will probably please viewers a welter of dense debris and pound- of something intense happening, Fitzwilliam muSEum who are satisfied by artistic ing surf placed at the centre of the though it would be difficult to say Collection  extremes, but who might not have composition. precisely what is going on out at taken to Hambling because of the Perhaps the best, and least sea. But it is less a given event ike people, Maggi lack of modesty in her work with conventionally modern, thing which interests Hambling than its Hambling’s wave paintings sculpture, characterized as it is about Hambling’s work is that way of happening, and the artist Lare at once consoling or by a more controversial, popular it is resolutely not whatever the fixates upon the same natural frustrating, brilliant or monoto- aesthetic. viewer wishes to make of it, but image – slung so neatly between nous. Like people, they sometimes Yet there is certainly a lot of what she wishes to make of it after form and formlessness - turning make no sense and sometimes controversy visible upon the large the viewer has consented to play her wave through different angles, make perfect sense; or they stop canvases Hambling’s shapes, sizes and shades of colour. maggi hambling short in the middle of a gesture that form the game. One’s Against any supposed distinc- and drift away, leaving us alone majority of emotional tion between art and nature we ... on King’s Parade for awhile in the exhibition to this exhibi- responses do can posit Hambling’s synthesiz- think about what just did or didn’t tion, but it is not exhaust ing, inclusive approach which sees here is no better place for happen. And, just as with people, a mannered the paintings’ no reason to give up either, and first impressions to flour- there really is no escape from kind, by which impact but makes a virtue out of their indis- Tish than the low stretch of them: you feel that if you were sharp bursts of leave them soluble connection. By contrast, wall lining King’s Parade. The to leave the Fitzwilliam’s Mellon energy fluctu- intact and free the neat displays of monotypes street is inhabited by punters Gallery then you might soon ate back into to develop. and photographs from the 1998 in navy waistcoats offering a enough re-encounter these deep listless, watery Most pleas- You are the sea series are hard trip down the river, the big horizons and rough tides in life. droughts antly, instead to fully appreciate. Appearing issue seller on the street corner, As the artist remarked in a of thickly of striving as muted snapshots, these older the fudge shop man with his recent interview with the Arts mixed paint. to elicit its works are perhaps less compatible wooden sign advertising ‘free Desk, “I remember very distinctly The result is audience’s with any notion of artistic freedom fudge’ and the obligatory walking into the sea and talking engrossing, participa- and spontaneity which we may swarm of tourists who flock in to it as if it were my friend.” and allows tion, The now associate with Hambling. The magpie-awe around the glitter- Whatever this nostalgic prattle isolated Wave actually addition of these pieces does not ing Corpus clock. signifies, it’s true that the art here strokes of compels it, help the viewer to reach the conclu- A curious slab next to the is framed in and issues from the colour to foraging sions about pictorial space that her bins reads: “High Maintenance painter’s personal life spent in possess a quietly upon paintings quite pointedly engage Life”. The words begin to Suffolk and by the North Sea. This delicious- one’s senses with. Taken as a small retrospec- transform the experience of the is the latest, generous showing of ness that they and precon- tive, however, there is little to place. The students who pass by Hambling’s almost biographical could never ceptions. regret about an exhibition as fresh for the pleasure of the seated paintings and gives us a chance have had out Specifically, and exuberant as this one. audience present a life that to stand back and examine what of context. In the 2009 Eliot d’Silva balances high aspirations with the manicured lawns of the City seventeen colleges and trip into the realm ll those personal of a “high maintenance” and garden The Hill Magazine touch, each daunting routine. Aparties, Launch Party cover is Far away, Karl Lagerfeld’s house parties, individually latest cruise collection for room parties, clEarancE outlEt customized, Chanel 2010-2011 banks on the maybe even  and an issue decidedly casual tone of street- corridor number is life as models, barefoot and parties will surely leave you written on the first page (for all buoyant in chiffon, glides down hankering for a change – what you future collectors). Behind a quayside street in St Tropez. a relief, then, to find oneself at a the magazine is a strong creative The audience sits under the launch party. Held in a clearance team, combining the talents of red awnings of the Senequier outlet, the evening promised free Cambridge students with those of patisserie and tea-room, taking cocktails, live painting, an art Anglia Ruskin. One of the quirks time to admire and critique he and even an exhibition and an interactive laser of the evening was the unusual, the dresses and their wearers Junction Charity Gig for DEC incident of Per display, with the musical backdrop but very welcome and refreshing as they approach a seafront Twas Haiti: City Seventeen, Una knicker- of a live electro set. Although the amalgamation of students from the blockade of photographers. sparsely throwing. ‘cocktails’ turned out to be tropical two universities. The models, instead of waiting populated as The Irregulars, Despite such juice mixed with vodka and the The best thing of all was, of in the wings, stand in groups City Seventeen distractions, only way one could interact with course, that the entire happening talking before taking a trip took to the Sugarbeat the band was the laser display was to stand in was free. This magazine (which down the street-cum-runway. stage. Dressed in thE Junction tight and front of it, the atmosphere was costs £3) is essentially a very acces- Granted this is the French vintage military  charismatic, warm and bubbly, like a cup of hot sible creative platform; sadly, it Riviera frequented by Brigitte jackets and and played an chocolate doing an art foundation. faces an uncertain future with the Bardot and the playboys who projecting an exhaustive set The Hill, founded last year by departure of its editors, both in followed her, and not a cloudy antique Soviet film, their image was of 2-tone and Jamaican ska. Pascale Porcheron and Andrew their third year. One can only hope city of spires and library as uncompromising as their music: By the time local covers band Spyrou, is the student magazine that a journal of quality and finesse tickets. She is succeeded this a tidal swell of distortion shocked Sugarbeat came on, the place was for the lateral thinker, and exists to replace the magazine or, year by the likes of Georgia into sudden grooves by thunder- packed, and most people were contains some of the most impres- even better, that it will keep going: May Jagger straddling a gruffly bursts of drums. When they locked pretty drunk, which undoubt- sive illustration and photography perhaps, The Hill is a mountain shaved male model on the back into a tense, up-tempo math-rock edly worked in their favour. The work in Cambridge. As a pleasing high enough. Julia carolyn lichnova of a Harley Davidson. surge in their newer songs, they audience were trying their best, If a similar glamour can be suddenly became more than the sum and I guess it isn’t really fair to obtained here in Cambridge, of their parts and sparkled with a criticise a charitable concert, but then it would surely fit into the distinct energy, bursting out of The at times it was like watching a stretch of “high maintenance Junction’s impressive sound rig. school band try to thrash through life” on King’s Parade, where The place started to fill up a some cover songs at the end-of- summertime insouciance trans- bit towards nine o’clock. Being term concert. That said, they were lates into the floating maxi a charity gig, there wasn’t your fun to watch, and it seemed to be dresses and Breton stripes that typical rock audience – more what people wanted to hear. As accompany a perfect sunny day parents and children than greebos the concert came to a close and we in the city. Although the hoard and stoners – and The Irregulars spilled out into the clear Cambridge of photographers may appear were well-suited to such a crowd. night, the amount of sweat on the more interested in their golden With sharp suits, pork-pie hats and audience was testament to their clock, there is nothing that can a saxophone, their ska covers went enjoyment, and any money raised be compared to the satisfaction down well with those old enough for the DEC Haiti appeal can only of an idle hour spent forming to have seen the Specials the first be a good thing, even if the musical impressions whilst sat on the time round. There was ample quality of the night was somewhat wall. daniEllE dzumaga julia liChnova middle-aged booty being shaken, variable. zygmunt day 14 Monday June 14th 2010 L st ngs Ed tor Jess ca Jenn ngs LISTINGS wwwvarstycouk lstngs@varstycouk May Week Listings Music Talks Film & Nightlife Theatre Arts & Events

Sex and the City 2 Tod  Tod  Tod  Tod  VUE, DAILY 13:10, 16:15. WED & THUR 19:30 Saffron Walden Arts She Stoops to Conquer Symposium: Agnes Martin What is feminism for? Widely slated new SATC Festival SIDNEY SUSSEX GREAT HALL, 15.00 £4 Between the Lines LUCY CAVENDISH, 18.30 19.30 £6 fi lm. The characters SAFFRON WALDEN, FROM JUNE LUCY CAVENDISH £5/£10 The annual Women’s 10TH TO JUNE 14TH 2010 The New Arcadians Pick are as inconsistent Pick Scholars from London and New Word Festival at Last day of Saf- Drama Society of of the as their air- of the York discuss Agnes Martin’s lesbi- Lucy Cavendish this fron Walden Sidney Sussex day brushing, and day anism in her art. Followed year sees Kat Ban- festival, for tackles this Events it has so far Theatre by a reception and yard, persuasive and those desper- eighteenth- been rated viewing of the exhi- inspriational author of The Equal- ate to escape century Irish the sixth bition at Kettle’s ity Illusion, talking about the sex the bubble a comedy by Oliver worst fi lm Yard. industry, domestic violence, the of this year little early. Goldsmith for widening pay gap, the state of on Rotten Concerts, one day only. Onon modern feminism and the myths plays, street Tomatoes. These Exhbtons and taboos that surround it. This is All the same, perfor- Gifts of the a perfect, and vital, antidote for a still (sadly) a mances and Things Ebb Tide weekend of jelly-wrestling and Sex workshops, must-see. Happen FITZWILLIAM and the City. most of which VODKA MUSEUM, UNTIL AUGUST 18TH FREE are free. REVOLUTIONS, 14.30 £4 Woodcut prints FCMS Garden Party Agora A student- and books. In FITZWILLIAM COLLEGE, 14.00 £4/£8 ARTS PICTUREHOUSE, MON 12:00, written and the serene Shiba With performances from the 18:15. TUE 15:40, THUR 12:00 Ever Mond  Fitzwilliam Chapel Choir, the Spanish historical composed musical Gallery, this will Fat Poppadaddys Cambridge University Fitz Swing drama from director tragi-comedy in two be a Pick FEZ, UNTIL 3AM £2/£4 Band, The Fitz Barbershop and of the Alejandro Amenábar acts staged in Vodka beautiful The fi rst of Fat Poppadaddys’s Pick The Sirens, this promises to be a day lands Rachel Weisz Revolutions. Complete alternative to a of the nights since seeing in its 12th glori- fi zz-fueled musical extravaganza. Film back in Egypt. A more with simulated oral sex, rhyming fry up, plus a chance to day ous birthday in Cambridge last Strawberries and Pimms as stan- serious antidote to the couplets and a tuba. Last of two see Hokusai’s ‘Great Arts week. dard. Tickets available on the door. mind-numbing stupidity of SATC 2. performances. Wave’.

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ENTERTAINMENT / MADE BY GARETH MOORE GARETH BY MADE / www.puzzlemix.com TOM MICHAELIS TOM M Cup Sudoku the Day Cocktailof The Varsity Scribblepad The Varsity The ob ect s to nsert the numbers n the boxes to to nsert the numbers n the boxes The ob ect s to and 3x3 column one condton each row, only satsfy once 9 exactly the dgts 1 through contan must box Rec pe Gin of shot 1 • (Martini Bianco Vermouth of shot 1 • do the job) Bianco will Cointreau of shot a ½ • Champagne/Cava  Some chlled can get hold ers, f you b Angostura  of t garnsh to An orange  Mix the gin, vermouth, cointreau and a couple of drops of angostura (if you have it) in the bottom of a the ute, and then add champagne fl – or zz for a truly decadent drink fi your thing, you if decadence isn’t can replace the bubbly with lem- Cut a wedge onade or ginger beer. of orange to decorate the glass, sit back, and enjoy. The precursor to Pimms, Cups are traditional English of punches. For those lucky us who weren’t enough to get tickets Ball, this one to John’s ng on is ideal for quaffi reworks a punt with fi going off overhead.

 526  Let’s face face Let’s Zoe’s ust lke lke ust Zoe’s ROBERT ROBERT GREEN Fles out of Idot boat Couldn’t n crabs catch a brothel Garden partes, Garden Ed Emery’s dea Ed Emery’s Crossword set by Dr Awkward set by Crossword Boate catches crab crab catches Boate Topshop lkes them Topshop lkes HOT NOT www varsty co uk FREEDOM – bouncy castles bonfres, love to not what’s Monday June 14th 2010 June 14th Monday (9) re breather and carnivo- Photograph fi rous plant. (10) is tightly holding clenched hand. Toff (4) beater chant gets permit. (7) Wife Abstaining during ball. (10) (9) parently. They are continually shooting starts. (9) (3) Car turns a corner. uid. Sniffer dog – search after bodily fl (10) mess. (9) bee’s Stretches the Spanish on bill. Insect! Deal with pet hate. (7) Allow rental. (3) Finishes the last bits. (4) Some orange, purple and lilac gem. (4) Point tops up. (4) An American bumhole. (4) Eat messy meal. (3) Work surfaces are fi rst in the charts. fi surfaces are Work Those missing are delivered into a . Convention around poem. (4) PIANOS IN PUNTS PUNTS IN PIANOS APPRENTICE JUNIOR THINGS TO DO HAVING CRABS CORPUS JUMPSUITS JUMPSUITS rst noise. (4) ce after fi Close orifi marmalade you ether thnk she’s ether thnk she’s marmalade you a thnk she’s or you btch, a massve btch massve to wants t – no-one actually to punt a pano down the Cam on the a pano down punt to – Heroes Help for for Sucde Sunday Handel t can you them Is ths a good lkes Wan Gok thng . Idiot is paralyzed on rowing boat ap- 23 24 25 29 30 Down 1 America. (4) The emphasis is on 2 3 4 5 7 8 10 13 14 15 19 22 26 27 28 PHIL WANG PHIL “Swer n” Feathered snake? (3) (9) Group of twenty allows jewellery. Cooked rare rump. (4) An easy criticism to make of drugs and hard liquor? (3,4) big calls. (7) cult Porridge left with nasty gin is diffi to get through. (9) Drug hideout is heaven. (4) ComedyBox Their weakest point must be “It Their weakest point must be “It “So fuck off.” By which time it is usually lights up in Islam and makes the He is high 12 12 13 16 17 18 20 21 Swearing is the spice of life. Most is the spice of life. Most Swearing It isn’t. nutmeg. people think it’s is bland swearing. Nutmeg It’s to be the in comparison. I want to shit on nutmeg; the rst comic fi needs taking seasoning undeniably nd something like down a peg. I fi always adds ‘fuck’ or ‘cumbucket’ to something to conversation, to literature and it most comedy, adds a certain je ne se nitely defi to be done qua to eulogies. It has example, some- right of course. For one recently told me to “literally” fuck off. I stood there for two hours by gure out what to do, trying to fi which time nunnery had closed. shows a lack of vocabulary”. After which they always have the audac- ity to hurry me for a response: eting I’ve got leafl “Come on now, to do” (no doubt for the BNP or Green Party or something). Now to the ‘lack of vocabulary’ argument, I invariably reply thus: “Language is a variegated abstraction, too diverse and mul- tifarious on which to place your tortuously scrupulous and simply do supererogatory constraints. To so would abscond us all of society’s smorgasbord of etymological variation. out at the orphanage.

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with shock for traditional Teletubby Crossword Varsity 9 11. of groin for places to I pulled out drink. (4) Across 6 8 Games & puzzles Enterta nment Ed tor Jul a L chnova Ed tor Enterta nment games@varsty co uk 16 Monday June 14th 2010 Sport Ed tor Joshua Games SPORT www varsty co uk sport@varsty co uk SPORT MAY BUMPS World Champions retain Bumps title Cuppers

TIM JOHNS

Those bloody horns. How is anyone supposed to enjoy a game when it sounds like a giant bee has got stuck in the stadium announcer? I’m in a bad mood already this World Cup as my team didn’t even make it. I’m Welsh. we haven’t qualifi ed since 1958 and that was only due to a military coup in Indonesia which meant that Wales took their place in the play-off against Israel. So, as usual, I’m supporting England. And as I entered Spoons on Saturday night, I was taken in again by it all. There was a strange something in the air. Normally if I embraced a stranger in there on a Saturday night I’d soon be receiving a sharp right hook to the jaw. So as I waited Rowers race past a bumper crowd at The Plough pub after Gerrard’s goal for the inevitable, nothing happened. In the women’s divisions, pressure, fi nally bumped to spoons from M6. The most exciting crew Amazing. O C Pembroke celebrated a similar by Queens’ on the last day. to watch was arguably Caius III, But after that early eupho- victory to the leading men’s crew, Whilst there was little movement overtaking nine other boats in their ria, I was soon reminded what May Bumps started this year with pushing away from the other boats between the first and second bumps campaign and achieving two supporting England means. weather reminiscent of its sister to retain the Headship three years divisions, the lower leagues saw overbumps on their way into the They say that watching race in Lent, yet the rain was not in a row. They managed to resist greater changes, with Christ’s third division. England is like riding a roller- the only similarity between these the outstanding advances made Among the women’s crews, coaster. Well, rollercoasters busy boatie weeks. At the top of by Downing on the fi rst day, who both Newnham II and Clare Hall are meant to be fun, watching the men’s divisions, First and Third overbumped Jesus to rise three received blades and places in the England is simply excruciating. retained headship for the third places in the charts, a feat rarely 1376 next division up, W2 and W3 respec- Think Barry Island rather than consecutive year, maintaining their seen in the fi rst divisions, posing a The number of rowers n total tively. Christ’s success was not Space Mountain. strong performance as Head of threat to the Pembroke’s suprem- limited to the women’s fi rst division, But at least we know it’s like the River from the bumps earlier acy on the water. The women’s races displaying a particularly impressive that. Who can say they were this year. Whilst First and Third were especially exciting lower down standard throughout their three honestly surprised by Green’s dominated the river, Caius looked in this division, as carnage on the women’s crews, with each receiving mistake in the fi rst half? If he’d set to row over each day, follow- river on Friday afternoon led to a blades. Christ’s II and III both rose been studying videos of James, ing their success in Lents, but as re-row of just two boats, Churchill 172 six places, as Friday saw Christ’s II Carson and Robinson then he The number of boats compet ng the sun appeared on Saturday, they and King’s. Despite King’s strong overbump St Edmunds and Christ’s probably thought that was the were bumped by the steadily rising start, they were unable to bump the III fi nished the week by crushing way to perform at international Pembroke crew. pink stern of Churchill who gained King’s II’s hope of blades, forcing level. Competition was tough at the top several boat lengths on the Reach. them back to their starting position But I did enjoy the Heskey of the men’s crews, with only First Following behind Downing, this year. baiting. We’re great at that and Third obtaining blades along with Christ’s was the only other W1 crew 1.5 After three years of success with sport. It is now seven goals in their ‘Double Headship’, in spite of the other than Pembroke to receive Boat lengths between each boat the Headship, both First and Third 58 appearances and I genuinely at the start bumps made by Pembroke, St Cathe- blades, overtaking Emmanuel on and Pembroke have demonstrated believe that if I were to play rine’s and King’s, each rising three the fi nal day to become third overall. their power and technique, repre- up front 58 times for England places for their efforts. Other crews Jesus saw the greatest fall from glory II rising into the second men’s senting the highest level of college then, with the inevitable excel- did not enjoy the same good fortune, this week, never recovering from division and Emmanuel III gaining rowing. But with the strength of lent ball service, I would score however, with Clare collecting spoons Downing’s overbump and obtaining six places to secure a place in the both Pembroke’s M1 and Downing’s at least seven goals. And I once again this year, following their spoons as they descended six places third division next year. Pembroke W1 bumping through the boats sometimes turn out for Robin- descent in Lent, whilst Churchill also in the fi rst division, although Girton V was also successful in rising behind them, the stage is set for a son seconds. JOSHUA GAMES fi nished four places lower. were also unable to withstand the through the boats, entering M5 fi erce battle in the year ahead.