THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Vol. VII No. 2 SECOND BIRTHDAY ISSUE 6 June 2007 IN CREATING THE CHRONICLE Some statistics from our first two years. There have been…

21 issues published 74,272 views of the intranet editing site 4,600 copies distributed around College 1666166

Overheards printed 75 Overheards judged too scandalous to be printed over 300,000 words published 897 intranet editing pages created 27 dons contributing letters or articles over 140 boys contributing letters or articles 24,840 sheets of A3 Character paper used over 1,000 cups of tea and coffee consumed at over 100 Editors’ meetings 21

Polls carried out (2 too ground-breaking for publication) 8 episodes of

A Tutor’s Diary leaked and serialised 9 Social wwStereotypes pinned down 2 crests discovered in the

Archives that have never been used before 45 original drawings hhcommissioned from Radleians… and we hope you have enjoyed reading it too.

– – — INSIDE — – – A Poll – page 30 • Social Stereotype – page 31 • The Warden’s Music – page 32 • The Shells in Normandy – page 40 Diary of a Marathon Runner – page 38 • Social Barbeques – page 52 • Correspondence – page 56 and much more… 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

A POLL ON ELECTIONS OVERHEARD… (1) We asked about 80 from the Sixth Form across all A regular column devoted to memorable lines from all Socials to find out how politically up-to-date they are. quarters of College. To celebrate our birthday we publish a double helping of Overheards this time. 1. Were you aware that there were Presidential Elections in France recently? Overheard during Cocoa, trying to answer questions Yes: 96%, No: 4% for chocolate: 2. Do you know who the new President of France is? Tutor: ‘Which of the American presidents have I met?’ Yes: 80%, No: 20% Boy: ‘…er, Lincoln?’

3. What kind of party does he/she represent? Overheard in social: Right: 68%, Left 20%, Don’t know: 12% Boy A: ‘I’ve never been to a charity shop before.’ 4. Where you aware that there were elections to the Boy B: ‘Oh, but you must! They’re great for tweed...’ Scottish Parliament recently? Yes: 85%, No: 15% Overheard in social: 5. Which party has the most seats in the Scottish Shell: ‘I am not sure if I like Radley: at prep school I Parliament now? was a big fish in a small pond; here I am a big fish in a Conservative: 9%, big pond.’ Labour: 13%, Overheard during a rowing outing: Lib Dem: 11%, Scottish Nationalist: 61%, Cox: ‘Come on guys! We are all in, er.... the boat’! Don’t know: 6% Overheard in a Chronicle Editors’ meeting: 6. Can you name the new First Minister of Scotland? Yes: 56%, No: 44% Don: ‘We need to make our articles more appealing to the average illiterate Remove’ 7. Can you name the new First Minister of Northern Ireland? Overheard in social: Yes: 53%, No: 47% Shell: ‘How often does The Week come out?’ 8. Do you think it matters that there could soon be a Scottish Prime Minister? Overheard in an English lesson: Yes: 48%, No: 52% Boy A: ‘Miss, I’ve got something to show you!’ 9. Are you Scottish? Boy B: ‘Oh, Miss, can I show you mine first?’ Yes: 16%, No: 76%, Half Scottish: 8% Overheard in the Classics Department, discussing 10. Do you think that Scotland should be fully Prince Harry going to Iraq: independent of the rest of the United Kingdom? Boy: ‘But sir, I wouldn’t get an entire unit dedicated to Yes: 70%, No: 30% hunting me down in Iraq.’ Unsurprisingly (due to the media attention) almost Don: ‘Yes you would, I’ve got contacts – I’d just have everyone was aware of the important elections in to ring them up.’ France and Scotland, but then anyone who has looked Overheard on a Saturday evening in a Tutor’s kitchen: at the cover of a broadsheet this term would know that. Only two thirds, though, knew that Sarkozy was the Boy: ‘24 beers in the box. 24 hours in the day. rightwing candidate. What surprises more than the Coincidence? I think not.’ French elections is the embarrassingly few who knew about the elections on our doorstep. The number of Overheard over Leave Away, on the subject of taking political anoraks who could supply the names Sarkozy, blood: Salmond and Paisley was encouraging (and they can’t Boy A: ‘Why don’t you just put lycheeses on him?’ all be taking Politics A level). Boy B: ‘Do you mean leeches?’ Slightly inconsistent is the discovery that 70% believe Please keep sending us (printable) quotes – to that Scotland should be independent but only 48% [email protected]. think there should be a Scottish PM. Perhaps we should have asked if they knew who exactly that could be…

30 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007

SOCIAL STEREOTYPES An ongoing series of recognizable Radley characters who may be lurking in a Social near you… 9. THE THEATRE TECHIE Alastair has brought a mini-fridge into the lighting box performance. He lounges in a black leather Conductor to keep him going during the gruelling nine-hour 5000 (Alastair borrows this from the Precentor’s technical rehearsal, although it’s stuffed with nothing office; the poor man has no idea where his chair goes more stimulating than Coke and Red Bull. Sipping for days on end) and sips a Red Bull on the rocks, thoughtfully he laments, ‘I mean, it would really help bored speechless as he watches the amateurs holding if those amateurs in the Social plays had actually their scripts and trying to remember their lines... ‘In looked at their scripts...’ The Shells helping with the my technical rehearsal?’ sound and lighting wind him up as well: ‘Can I know Eventually even he becomes impatient. His armoury of the code?’ they pester him, ‘What does this button denials to their last-minute requests – ‘No, I can’t light do?’ Naturally, he knows all the answers, but they are there because I haven’t got any more channels’... ‘No, his secrets… because you didn’t tell me you had a war scene with Alastair is the mastermind behind every play in three bi-planes, a machine gun and a gramophone in College; indeed, as he sees it, he props up the entire the background...’ – is formidable. He could probably Drama department. He runs the Theatre practically on manage all of those things but, to be honest, Alastair his own, and takes advantage of the fact that no-one just can’t be bothered. He enjoys his power in this else apart from Matt knows anything about it. domain over everyone and, after all, it is only a social Alastair’s New Theatre has play. grown up with him – the On the night of the foundations were laid when performance Alastair is in he was a Shell – and it is now his trademark light grey very much his baby. He suit which Mummy has doesn’t admit to how much specially dry-cleaned for work on top of all the him. Two minutes too rehearsals that this infant soon the audience demands, but it’s a suddenly goes quiet for no displacement activity, you reason, but he waits out see. He’s much happier in the the long and giggly box, a world away from silence; the Remove at the Mocks, music practice, back who ‘shhhhed’ the preps, deadlines, rowing, his auditorium is looking Tutor… all breathing down increasingly self- his neck and threatening to conscious. Finishing the disrupt the serene order of dregs of his can and his technical kingdom. swivelling professionally His fingers fly over the dials to the mic desk, Alastair and faders with the takes great pleasure in confidence and sensitivity of starting the performance a concert pianist, and usually illustration by Arthur Laidlaw (H) when he’s ready and not he doesn’t even need the script. Even in his free time, before. Everything goes smoothly from his point of he heads over to rig the latest requests weeks in view. The acting, of course, is dire. advance of the next social play. In excessively boring But it’s not over yet: the Tutor leaps athletically onto Chemistry lessons he designs integrated sound and the stage, crushing a £250 footlight with a suede boot lighting boards littered with thousands of knobs and as he does so. Alastair’s head sinks into his hands with buttons. He constantly complains that the current a moan. The Tutor’s speech turns out to be longer than board is simply ‘not professional’, and that it is the first act but, as usual, there’s no mention of the absolutely essential to buy a brand new £26,500 one. technical crew. ‘We don’t do this job for the thanks,’ The Bursar has seen straight through this argument: he he says with a grin to Minion no. 2 at the lighting desk well knows that prospective parents are never shown (he kept meaning to ask what that Shell’s name was). round the lighting box; 32-inch plasma screens in the DT Department get the money instead. Locking the box on his way out he stoops to pick up a crumpled piece of paper and stares, perplexed, at the It’s now the technical rehearsal of the I Social Play, It back page. After performing his play in his Theatre, Ain’t Half Hot, Mum!, just three days before the they didn’t put his name in the programme. 31 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

THE WARDEN’S MUSIC SUNDAY 13 MAY, SILK HALL When the Chronicle’s Music Editor collared me on the best. The Radley Clerkes continued the yearning way in to the Silk Hall and asked me if I would write a theme with I Want You, I Need You, I Love You – a review of the Warden’s Music he could hardly have very polished performance indeed. picked anyone less qualified to do so. But what the Next up was the chamber ensemble playing the heck, here goes… Andantino from Schubert’s Trout Quintet, which From the moment the disembodied but unmistakable really got pianist Greg Williams’ (C) fingers working. drone of Scottish bagpipes began to swell, I realised The technical virtuosity of the whole ensemble was that this would be no ordinary school concert. The impressive. This was followed by a vocal ensemble drone was soon followed by the splendid sight of the singing Seasons of Love from the musical Rent. College Pipers dressed in kilts, cheeks puffed out and Although they had taken their ties off, they seemed a bagpipe bladders bulging, marching into the hall with very serious bunch, but as the performance gained their sporrans swaying in time to the beat. Sitting near momentum the occasional smile on the likes of Piers to me in the audience it was evident that the RSM Saich’s (B) and Archie Manners’ (C) faces showed particularly enjoyed this rousing medley of traditional that they were starting to enjoy themselves. tunes for bagpipes as he tapped his feet in time with Things began to get noisy with the arrival of the brass the pipers as they eventually marched out of the hall to ensemble who belted out a Trumpet Voluntary and the the strains of Highland Laddie. volume increased further when we were treated to the Things took a more conventional turn as my namesake Saxophone Band’s rendition of La Bamba. Twenty stepped up to conduct the Full Orchestra as they odd saxophones really do make a big sound, but not as played the Intermezzo from Hary Janos by Kodaly. loud as twenty or so electric guitars. When our very All I can say is that to my inexperienced ear it sounded own celebrity guitar teacher Brigit Mermikides jolly good – the strings created a full and tuneful introduced her Electric Guitar Orchestra she did warn melody with none of that terrible the audience that it might be ‘a bit squawking that you get from your loud’. However, the wall of sound run-of-the-mill schoolboy still took some by surprise, violinist, and there were some particularly the youngster in front impressive solos, particularly of me who immediately clapped his Jamie Hepburn (D) on the French hands to his ears as the frenetic horn and oboist Nick Buchanan strains of Mission Impossible (G). reverberated around the hall. It certainly beat listening to Bill Opera was next on the bill with Oddie hands down. Jamie Watkiss (H) and SLN in the Act II duet from Mozart’s Cosi fan The final performance of the tutte. The singing was fantastic, evening was It Don’t Mean a Thing but I have to admit that, with no (If it Ain’t got that Swing) played Italian, I did not realise quite how by Big Band. With Simon Carr the passionate it all was until after the regular conductor out injured, it fell concert when I was told by Jamie to Big Band veteran Simon Thorn that he had in fact been seducing to take the baton. He immediately Miss Naylor (and that she had launched into the performance only been unable to resist). Er...right. to be stopped short by an anxious cry from bass guitarist Jack After all this high drama, the calming and soothing effect of Emmett (H) who was still having trouble with his music stand. Douggie McMeekin’s (B) Again, to my layman’s ear the wonderfully laidback vocal in Better Together, accompanied by Henry Taylour and sound was fantastic and I found myself marvelling at the depth and variety of musical talent on that had Pelham Groom (E), was much appreciated by the been on show over the course of the evening. audience. Following this, Groom and Theo Whitworth (C) – together making up two fifths of The Spring Congratulations to all those who took part and many thanks to all those behind the scenes who were Offensive – treated us to Until Tomorrow – a yearning instrumental in putting on such an enjoyable and and beautifully put together composition of their own which drew favourable comparisons to The Smiths, varied evening of music. with Groom reminiscent of Morrissey at his mournful HGCC 32 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE A conversation with the Director of Digital Strategy year-olds are gunned down on the streets of the other day turned on the similarities between guns Manchester and Birmingham quite regularly, or so it and PowerPoint. Both are capable of great evil, but seems. neither is in itself an evil thing. It is the uses to which So what is the answer – more restrictions on alcohol they are put which give them a bad name. Yet neither here, and on guns in America? Or maybe fewer is, perhaps, morally neutral. Nevertheless, it was a restrictions all round? Clearly the current laws aren’t holiday in the United States at Easter which suggested working. Perhaps – something politicians won’t want another, more unlikely-seeming analogy: that between to hear – more laws are not actually the answer. As the our attitude to firearms, and the Americans’ to alcohol. popular phrase has it, outlawing handguns here means In many states in America, the restrictions on the sales that only criminals still have them. There are plenty of alcohol may seem pretty bizarre to us. The legal drunken American teenagers to show that the relics of drinking age is 21 (bet they didn’t tell you that at the prohibition don’t work there either. Perhaps talk about American universities); alcohol may not be government could just leave us all to get on with our sold in supermarkets, only in properly licensed ‘liquor lives – alcohol and guns included – and stop stores’; it is an offence to have alcohol in the car with interfering? you, unless securely shut into the boot (sorry, ‘trunk’). When you buy alcohol at the liquor store, they carefully wrap the bottles in the same sort of brown YELLOW PAGES paper bag I am told is used by newsagents to conceal A contribution from the Poet Royal to mark the top-shelf magazines. 2nd anniversary of the founding of the Chronicle All in all, buying alcohol in the States is a process which leaves you feeling guilty and dirty. Suggest to a happybirthday, chronicle! nice White Anglo-Saxon Protestant (WASP) family for now you are two. that they might all have a glass of wine with dinner, i tend to use a monocle, and they will start finding the address of the nearest when I read you through: Alcoholics’ Anonymous chapter. Yet you can, in most states, walk into a gun shop and my eye scans through to find the news buy a semi-automatic 9mm pistol without more than a absorbing it in stages, quick check that you don’t, in fact, have a criminal opinions, overheards – and views – record for shooting up primary schools. Even where on closetyped yellowpages. restrictions exist, they are no more onerous than, for example, obtaining a fishing licence or a game licence your articles are great, here in Britain. with satire, sport and spoofs (although sometimes a littlebit late, Here, in contrast, we have 24-hour licensing of bars but that’s presumably because of delays with and clubs; alcohol can legally be bought by 18-year- the proofs.) olds, and anyone over five can drink at home with their parents. Yet suggest that you might feel safer you have a style but rarely print with a revolver under your pillow – or even that you a language like the blast of rocketstages might like to see what target practice with a Glock some men are drowned but innocent might be like – and the media, the local community some news too harsh for yellowpages? and the police will be down on you like the proverbial from a great height. but are the yellowpages read? The results? Neither side has much to be smug about. they’re very rarely blue; In America, drinking by teenagers is just as much of a more green, perhaps, when recyclèd problem as it is here. The latest in a series of school – and the prose is purple too. and college shootings reminds us of the dangers of unrestricted sale of guns (though many of those at the (is this enough? will this do?) Virginia Tech pointed out that the massacre was only – to end, a borrowedline: as bad as it was because of the college’s ‘no guns on happybirthday to you. campus’ policy). Here, drunken louts make the centres (£1000 please; usednotes are fine.) of our small towns no-go areas on a Saturday night (just try walking through Wantage at 12.00am on a ANDY MOVEMENT (OR) Sunday morning if you don’t believe me); and 12-

33 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE BARCELONA TRIP 10-16 APRIL On 10 April a handful of boys, along with EDM, DC panoramic view of the surrounding countryside. Sadly and NPH, left England via Gatwick Airport, heading it was not possible to go to the top of Montserrat to Barcelona for six days. The aim of our trip to the because of the poor weather putting the cable cars out second city of Spain was to immerse ourselves in real of action. Spanish culture and hopefully to improve our spoken One area in the centre of Barcelona was the heart of Spanish at the same time. the city. It may be simply a busy street but Las To achieve this, we were going to have lessons at the Ramblas shows the character and local culture to a Lewis Language School and be lodged with various great extent – we were able to visit many small shops Spanish host families; with them, we’d be able to which sold merchandise ranging from T-shirts to real experience and witness Spanish daily life. However animals and enjoy watching various street we also found in Barcelona, being part of the region of performances (such as actors, mimes and magicians). Catalonia, that there was the language of Catalan to There were also several vendors trying to sell paper contend with – even though it is a dialect that is quite figures they claimed were capable of dancing! different from the Spanish we’d learn at Radley, the Barcelona was extraordinary. From the Olympic people of Barcelona were ever accommodating in stadium to Las Ramblas, the churches to the bars, from speaking peninsula Spanish to us, as well as having the pinnacle of Montserrat to the waterfront nightlife patience while we stumbled with our Spanish of the port, from timeless Gothic splendour to ultra- conversational skills. Indeed, one of the great benefits modernity, Barcelona captivates the spirit from the of staying with a Spanish family was that it really moment you arrive. The people were kind, the food helped to further our conversational Spanish and was varied (a blend of local specialties and cultural understanding of everyday life in Barcelona. international staples) and the cost was low… we couldn’t believe how cheap things were! You will not believe how incredible this city is until you have been there.

EXTRA TIME… The four cartoons spread through this issue on the topic of Radleians and their extra time are by Ollie Mann (D).

Unfortunately, the weather was definitely memorable during the stay in Barcelona, for the wrong reasons. Our trip was overshadowed by an uncharacteristic period of weather for Spain – that is to say, wet and overcast. However during our stay, we had a very well-organised schedule which allowed us both to go sight-seeing and to have time to relax and do whatever took our interest. We saw many of Barcelona’s famous sights including La Sagrada Familia, the vast organic-gothic basilica church which was started in 1884 and will not be finished for another 35 years, and Parc Guell – a beautiful sprawling garden complex. These were both designed by the eccentric Catalan architect Antoni Gaudi. We also ventured by train to the nearby high- up monastery of Montserrat where there was a 34 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 THUGS BY ASSOCIATION It is affectation, these days, to pretend that ‘football’ protective equipment. And yes, played well it is an art means Rugby football, and the lower-class equivalent – but that can be said of any game. is (if you mention it at all) called Soccer. Whether it is But the wider picture is less attractive. For all the a charming anachronism, therefore, or merely reasons above, football has become the predominant pretentious, for the Calendar to continue to refer to working-class game. And, of course, the working football matches as ‘soccer’, as bemoaned by a recent classes now have money – or have become middle letter in the Chronicle, is open to question. class, depending on your definitions. And it is these It was, of course, Mr Justice Harman who secured his two features that have combined to make football place in the history books by the following exchange, arguably one of the most pernicious influences in the during a trial in 1990: 21st century. Michael Silverleaf (Paul Gascoigne’s lawyer): ‘Mr First, there is the amazing, incomprehensible, Gascoigne is a very well-known footballer.’ Mr Justice indefensible amount of money involved. A Harman: ‘Rugby or Association?’ Premiership player was recently accused of shoplifting and in the course of the press reports it was revealed But apart from judges, and other ‘Forces of that he earned £50,000 per week. Most people would Conservatism’, it is pointless to swim against the tide; that particular battle was lost many years ago. be happy to receive that per year. Clubs routinely discuss salaries in millions, not thousands. And, of All this, though, has no bearing on the bigger question course, that sort of money leads to corruption, to the raised in the article ‘Unhappy Feet’ published in our takeover of local clubs by major companies (one of last issue, namely, whether Radley should not accept whom recently referred to their latest purchase, that most boys would prefer Association Football to Liverpool FC, as ‘our new franchise.’), and ultimately, Hockey in the Lent Term. ironically, to the divorce of those proud working-class There is a certain irony here. As alluded to by the institutions from the communities which spawned aforementioned correspondent, Radley used to have its them. own version of football, by all accounts a violent and Second, though, there is the mob element which pointless exercise, though no doubt the boys were dominates, again and again, the terraces. It doesn’t keen on it at the time. One by one, other schools always break out into violence; sometimes it’s merely declined any longer to play by Radley rules. The intimidating, tribal, knee-jerk prejudice, against other pressure for a change grew overwhelming – and in supporters, against racial stereotypes (witness the 1881 Radley College joined the Football Association. racial slurs on Tottenham Hotspur). Sometimes, of Yes, that’s right, the FA, which was itself less than course, it leads to riots, to the destruction of property, twenty years old. and to deaths. Radley continued to play football under FA rules until Is this what we want to be Associated with? 1914. Rugby was played, unofficially and in a small way, rather like football today. Again, the change came about by pressure from the boys – other schools played Rugby and they wanted to be able to get up matches against them. So there is an ancient, if short, precedent for soccer at Radley: it was the main winter game for thirty-three years. But the author of ‘Unhappy Feet’ asks the question, ‘should football, surely the most popular sport at the school, be discriminated against in all these ways?’ Let us, then, take a look at the ‘beautiful game’. First, what distinguishes it from other games? It is a great game for amateurs: the rules are simple, and pretty much anyone can kick a football reasonably straight (unlike Rugby or hockey). It doesn’t have to be ‘dumbed down’ for younger players. Very little equipment is required for a basic practice (‘kids in the park... jumpers for goalposts...’, as The Fast Show had it). It is not so violent that players routinely require

35 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE DONS’ REVUE TUESDAY 20 MARCH, THE THEATRE The Theatre was full. Tickets had been changing the production of the Gilbert-and-Sullivan-esque Five hands on eBay for days beforehand; the excitement Ladies, where we had five giggly women and one very was palpable... almost the end of term; there had been happy man. a strict code of secrecy surrounding all preparations Of course some of the dons tried to slip in some (yes, there had been one or two (but not more) academic content to the evening: the Chemistry Band rehearsals), and the likely participants were being (or perhaps the Functional Group?) featured Dr tight-lipped about their involvement. There was no Halliday on trumpet, Mr Bartlett on piano, Mr programme – a nice touch, as it meant that there was Hammond on double bass and Mr King on clarinet no anticipating the variety and shock value of the acts. performing the Scott Joplin Pineapple Rag while Those who remembered the last (and first) Dons’ setting off the first explosion of the night and Revue, also masterminded by Miss Naylor, knew that demonstrating a few colourful reactions on stage. they were in for an entertaining evening, but would it be worth the ticket price? Ah, well, all for charity... The clowns were back, but this time they took on a more sober, yet equally as funny, scene. Mr Lowe, as a The memory of the fastest change from expectant Churchill-esque MP, with his endless manipulation silence to overwhelming laughter will remain fixed in and misuse of the English language, could not fail to over 300 boys’ minds, and it will certainly be a long amuse the onlookers and he deserved a huge applause time until the New Theatre witnesses a similar change. for extending purpose three times until we ended up If you don’t know what I am talking about then I shall with purposelessnessless! ‘Do we want to stop now?’ elaborate: after a few deadpan words (regarding how was quickly made a rhetorical refrain. The next act he had emphasised to his colleagues the importance of was a tribute to Mr Money, who I’m sure would have keeping their dignity), Mr Reekes gave us an been very pleased to hear ‘Money, Money, Money’ inimitable (and indescribable) performance of Hit Me sung to him by almost the whole cast of dons. He may with your Rhythm Stick. The ice was broken in the best not have been so pleased by some of the costumes possible way and we knew that we were in for a treat sported by a few of them in an attempt to turn the this evening. clock back to the 70s. After the explosive reaction to AER’s Sprechgesang, Next, with costumes to make you cringe, Mr Clarke, Mr Matthews calmed the audience with his bass Mr Adams and Mr Gordon-Brown, representing the guitar. His singing of Always On The Run, and The Sky Boat Club, told us just how wonderful it is to be a Is Crying, transported dons and even some boys back a Radley ‘wet bob’. It would be interesting to see how few years and by the time he had finished his second many people they convinced to take up rowing, but song, he didn’t need laughter for the audience’s since Mr Adams was wearing Lycra and Mr Clarke appreciation to be obvious. appeared to have no trousers on whatsoever, perhaps If you ever go to the circus, there are always at least a applications won’t be sky high. Although a few people couple of interludes where clowns keep the audience had previously heard Dr Summerly’s recitation of The entertained whilst the other pieces are set up. The night the Old Dun Cow caught fire. I doubt that they ‘clowns’ of the Dons’ Revue at this point were Mr had ever heard it in such an atmosphere. Those poor Lowe and Mr May. Their ‘Who’s on first?’ baseball souls who did not manage to get into the production sketch soon had the audience collapsing with laughter. were probably wondering what was going on in the With ‘Who’, ‘What’ and ‘Why’ occupying various theatre as the admirable Doc soon had the entire bases, the audience were soon trying to second guess audience screaming MACINTIRE! at the top of their who the next player was going to be. By the end, the voices. Well, the song was all about getting ‘blue- argument was so complicated that all you could do blind paralytic drunk’ so you can see where the appeal was laugh and try to keep up. is there. At first when Mr Barlass and Mr Bartlett began their The next act might have been recognised by those few, Song of Scholastic Prejudice, it seemed as though including myself, who have had the privilege of seeing there would be at least one serious piece for the night. the West End production of Spamalot. For those who Fortunately though, when the lyrics (especially haven’t seen it, I can assure you that the version acted adapted from a Flanders & Swann song) began and out by Miss Naylor and Mr Lowe was of an equal pictures of the Warden, William Gubbins and George quality. Mr Lowe even made a surprisingly good Bush began to appear, this thought was quickly Galahad with the aid of a very blond wig. Then came banished. Following on, Mr Reekes made another the act that everyone had been waiting for: that unexpected entrance with the help of Mrs Reekes, precious time when two male dons decide to go to the Miss Naylor, Miss Lean, Mrs Nye and Mme Stein in extreme and appear on stage as women. The duet 36 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 between a wonderfully boisterous Mr Edwards and an Bartlett). The master of ceremonies and narrator was eerily high pitched Mr Beasley accompanied by the Buttons (Mr Crump), but the prize for the best ‘up the bugle’ Dr Morris, had the entire theatre in fits costume and most outrageous lines has to go to the of laughter. bearded Fairy Godmother, Mr Hamshaw. The In its finale, the Revue surpassed expectations. Things audience was in stitches from the off, and the ten minutes or so passed in a flash. had been getting steadily sillier, but we were not expecting a filthy cross-dressing panto pastiche from Those who missed it were kicking themselves the next the nine Sub-Tutors. The second we heard Mr Graham day as the stories seeped out – if you were unlucky looking for a dwarf called ‘Kinky’, the innuendos and enough to miss the first and last performance, you’ll visual gags didn’t stop, like Mr Knox’s (Kinky’s) bag have to wait a few more years for your chance to see of balls... The cast? Mr Dalrymple was Cinders, Mr the dons humble themselves live on stage again. Caro and Mr Johnson were her two ugly sisters and A DVD is available, though, (contact Miss Naylor as the cigarette smoking hoodie, the [email protected]) and proceeds go to charity. The Prince. Refugees from rival fairytales Mr Graham as bonus feature of AER performing I’m too sexy is Snow White then appeared, accompanied by her dwarf priceless – worth the selling price alone. and the skipping Little Red Riding Hoodie (Mr

THE PIANO MAN AS DRAMA EXAMINATION PIECE 26-27 APRIL, STUDIO THEATRE An event that could have passed with almost no one The theme of rhythm and music was a constant knowing provided one of Radley’s greatest drama undertone in the scenes; noises made by simple means spectacles this year – the AS devised piece ‘The Piano (for example, the clicking of ballpoint pen) were used Man’. Right from the start it oozed with an unorthodox to devastating effect, with various scenes conducted charm – a confused rabble of the few people that knew without words at all, simply progressive routines of about it were rounded up and led past the supposed rhythms gradually getting more complex, yet they location, the Studio Theatre, to the cloisters on the provided more power than any words could. The way to the music school, and noticed the stooped addition of live music in the piece improved the figure of Guy de Zulueta (G), standing alone in the dramatic effect notably. As the cast were switching middle of the Theatre Quad. The first line, ‘OK, bring between roles and showing the development of the him in’, from Rory Stallibrass (C) prompted the hunt to identify the Piano Man, Stallibrass, (playing sudden appearance of a two man escort, comprising the jealous opera singer) and Hodgson (his ‘rival’ in Ed Hodgson (H), and Rory Ford (F). When the opera) were able to show off their singing prowess as audience were finally allowed to take their seats in the they sang together in a duet (‘The Pearlfisher’s Duet’ Studio, curiosity had heightened to intense intrigue. by Bizet). We also heard a skilfully played movement from the Shostakovich Second Piano Concerto. The piece chartered the story of The Piano Man from April 2005 when a man was found wandering on the Striking was how well the cast worked together. The beaches of Sheerness in Kent having apparently lost obvious advantage of a small group is having great all sense of memory and identity. There was a understanding of each other’s style; we could see how thoroughly ‘ensemble’ nature to the production as much blood, sweat and tears had been poured into this roles were interchanged between scenes, and there project. The comparatively short duration of the piece, were very snappy changes of locations from a around half an hour, meant that it didn’t have any time journalist’s pub to the stiflingly clinical atmosphere of to stagnate and ended with the audience craving more. a psychiatric hospital. This production took a The one criticism I would make here is that the closing minimalist approach, with no real costume (white t- speech tried so much to be sanctimonious and didactic shirt and dark trousers), with the audience’s that it became too much for my tastes, but it was a imagination challenged to fill in the required blanks. minor fault. Let’s hope that these talented four get the The only real props used (bar a couple of 4-Bic biros mark they deserve. and a tennis ball) were the use of slide projection of newspaper articles concerning the events onto the back wall of the Studio, and a piano.

37 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE DIARY OF A MARATHON RUNNER Sunday 22 April 9:00am: We climb up a hill to the red start of the London Marathon (there are three). It’s the most 6:45am: A string of alarms and a loving mother bring the wake-up call. After five months of training it famous one that you see with stacks of people lined up between the trees. Ed and I, ‘fun-runners’ who had would be rather silly to miss the start so I had to be forecast a slower time, parted ways with Will who sure. I hadn’t slept well – the daunting prospect of 26.2 miles was playing on my mind and it was tricky headed nearer the front with the ‘athletes’. There wasn’t really room to do a thorough warm-up but we to remove it. A confusing blur of nerves and consumed vast amounts of water and Lucozade. The excitement kept the heart rate high. remainder of time waiting was a bit tedious. Once 7:00am: Breakfast. Not the usual fry-up, Jordan’s you’re at the Start the waiting, only brings out more Country Crisp and croissants, but porridge and anxiousness. yoghurt. After careful deliberation it was decided that 9:45am: The ‘race’ started bang on time. Ronan coffee was ok. I have the added complication of being Keating pressed the buzzer that sent runners in the diabetic which means I gave myself slightly less insulin than normal and had plenty of sugar on my 27th London Marathon on their way. A nervy high- five with Ed brought the pre-marathon butterflies to a porridge and in my coffee. It was quite a lottery as to height and showed he was more confident than me. I whether my levels would stay normal or not as I have never run a marathon before. As it turned out, my hadn’t even run for three weeks up to this point because I had badly bruised my heel bone when glucose level after the race was 6.7 which is near on skiing. The physio had told me that if I wanted to run perfect so I got something right. Incidentally, I resent the way people refer to it as a ‘race’. I was not ‘racing’ the marathon at all I couldn’t run before it, adding how lucky I was to not break my ankle. It actually took us anyone. Keen runners often say they are ‘racing the clock’; I saw some guy dressed as a clock at the start about ten minutes to reach the official start line due to the sheer volume of people. The annoying man on the and, as far as I’m aware, I beat him. tannoy told us to wave up at the camera one last time 7:30am: Final preparations. I had bought some special because we were ‘live on BBC 1’ before musing ‘only marathon-runners’ greasy stuff called ‘glide’ which 26 miles to go.’ many people recommended I put on my nipples and all around the nether regions to stop chafing. This was The first mile was very slow which made it seem rather longer than expected – a huge morale dipper. somewhat awkward to put on and the three of us (my The opening four miles head further away from brothers Ed and Will were running with me) provided each other with commentaries of the glide being London, more ground we’d have to make up later, before bending back past Charlton FC’s the Valley pasted on, providing about as much entertainment as ground – Ed and I chose our beloved Arsenal’s five the day was going to offer. I pinned on my running number so that my bumbag wouldn’t obstruct it. best-ever goals against Charlton to pass time. In the same vein, on reaching each mile marker we had to 8:00am: We left Clapham and headed to Waterloo think of as many Arsenal players who had worn the East, picking up a marathon-running friend en route. corresponding shirt number as we could. This was a At this point I was actually feeling remarkably good tactic because much of the time between was relaxed. Football was the topic of conversation in the spent thinking about the next one and not how tired we car, not running or marathons. were. 8:20am: All hope of forgetting about marathons went 10:45am: We passed the Cutty Sark which, before it at Waterloo when we spotted thousands of scrawny was burnt to a crisp was a landmark to look forward wiry people all wearing very little, except one rather to. It was being restored and hoardings around it chunky lass who was ironically (I hope) wearing an blocked us from seeing it at all – something of an Adidas ‘Impossible is nothing’ T-shirt, this seemed anticlimax! At least the heel was holding up quite well highly amusing as we headed off to the start point of a (thank you, Nurofen), and the first Lucozade station marathon. Ed said, ‘I don’t think I’ve ever before brought much needed sugar and a sticky stretch of shown this much leg in public,’ as he stood holding road; I was not yet too tired and confidence was the overhead bar on the train in his skimpy shorts. The emerging. train was quiet; everyone seemed nervous about the 11:30am: Just over twelve miles in we were welcomed road ahead, and the London skyscrapers were rather to the famous sight of Tower Bridge by a wall of quickly going into the distance. Every metre the train rattled on we would have to run back: not a good noise. Crowds had lined the street right from the start, but here there were ten people deep on both sides and thought. the most rowdy yet. This spurred me on and I was to feel the effects of this turn of speed later. I even let the 38 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 idiot within me run loose as I briefly showed my sense of achievement that I had surpassed all my other screaming face in a Colin Jackson roadside interview! life achievements in one day, but I had also never felt so much pain. I’m not sure which was stronger! One 12:00pm: Our moment of national fame! BBC woman said, ‘this is worse than childbirth,’ but I’m commentator Paul Dickenson had been the guest speaker at the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation not sure if she was being serious. ‘do’ the night before and, while there, we’d asked him I finished in 4 hours 36 minutes coming 17,677th out to give us a big shout out on TV at midday (so it could of 36,000; I was the 13,892nd man and the 93rd 18- be recorded). I had several messages in my inbox from year-old. Will finished in 3 hours 31 and Ed in 4 hours adoring fans who heard it. – both impressive in the hottest marathon in history. I We now passed through the half way marker – a collected my medal and goody bag and hobbled off to the charity’s recovery venue where they had organised welcome sight! My heel felt fine; another dose of a massage – heavenly. That night I went home feeling Nurofen helped and I wasn’t tired at all. Someone had said the night before that the difficulty of running a truly awful; the next day wasn’t much different but I was boosted by the fact that, between us, we had marathon comes in the second half. Sure enough, at raised £11,000 for the JDRF (it’s not too late to the 14-mile marker, my legs began to ache and tiredness kicked in. My pace dropped severely – it was donate: visit justgiving.com/georgelines to contribute). If you would like to see photos of me in action go to to be a real struggle from here on. marathonfoto.com and enter bib number 40271. 12:30pm: I split up with Ed after mile 16 as I was GEORGE LINES (B) holding him up. He had trained very well right up until the last week. I hadn’t run for three weeks and I didn’t want to let all his hard work go to waste. I had seen a TEN RADLEY CLICHÉS glint in his eye that told me he still had plenty of As NJW had it last year in a letter about Radleians energy but didn’t want to just run off, therefore I told and light bulbs (ending ‘Change?’) this is a pretty him to ‘go for it’ without specific reference as to what steady place, but do you recognise the classic ‘it’ was, he took the hint. I took a pee against a wall, situations here? but clearly wasn’t the first. 1) The textbook, calculator or item you don’t bring to 1:00pm: My mum and stepdad, Tim, were somewhere a lesson because it hasn’t been used recently will along the 19th mile in one of the noisiest spots on the always suddenly be needed for that very period. course. I stopped for a (very quick) morale boosting 2) The classes you skip for music lessons always have chat both for me and Mum. She had been very something unusually interesting or fun happening concerned about me for many weeks because it was which causes everyone to tell you that you should something of a lottery as to how I would cope on the have been there. diabetic front. She was clearly relieved to see me still 3) In Hall your queue is always the longest and in one piece and, despite the pain, looking in fairly slowest. This applies even when you change queues. good shape. My aunt and uncle were at the start of the 20th mile underneath Canary Wharf who said I was 4) As the notice goes up to change to Summer Dress, it the only one of the three brothers they’d seen. Perhaps begins to rain, and then continues raining for the next I was the only one going slowly enough. three weeks. 5) The one prep you forget to do is the one due in first 1:45pm: The hardest part of the race and the period I thing the next morning. (shamefully) walked was between miles 22 and 24 although I never walked for more than about 100 yards 6) Whenever you need it most, the wireless connection in one go. This was because the pain of walking was breaks down. no better than running; it just took longer to get there. 7) Dons are like ninjas. They are wherever you wish Running was just so hard to do as my legs felt as if they weren’t and usually choose the moment of their they each had huge boulders attached. Matt Dawson appearance to be the moment you’re doing something overtook me. wrong. The RSM seems to be the ninja warlord. 2:25pm: Eventually, after 26.2 miles (that’s more than 8) If all the songs in Chapel don’t start to sound the 42 kilometres), 9 pouches of Lucozade, 20 bottles of same, you’ve skipped it too many times. water and 10 Nurofen I mustered up an adrenalin- 9) Preps keep their head low for a time, leaving you fuelled sprint down the Mall. Many people have asked with nothing to do for a particular prep time, and then how this felt and I am always lost for words as it was a suddenly ambush you in droves of six, leaving you bit of a blur. All that I remember is that YMCA was with absolutely no time to complete them. booming out over the tannoy and I made a fool of myself by dancing along to it. As I crossed the line I 10) You wake up early on the morning of the annual had the strangest feeling one can experience. I had a period 1 lie-in.

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THE SHELLS GO TO NORMANDY Saturday 21 April told him that the half-pipe and bowl shapes were actually caused by bombers. After that we went to St 6.45 in the morning: 134 Shells and 14 intrepid dons Mere Eglise, and there we wandered around the town left Radley to invade the calm beaches of Normandy. After arriving at Ouistreham in France we travelled to and saw the model of Private John Steele, the parachutist who never hit the ground when he Pegasus Bridge and saw the first place in France to be parachuted for the D Day Landings. He landed on the liberated from the Nazis ‚ a small cafe next to the Orne canal bridge. The present owner of the café was a little church spire at St Mere Eglise, but he then acted dead so that the Germans did not shoot him. He even girl at the time of the fighting but still remembers it dropped his knife when trying to free himself but he vividly. Her café is now famous and has had visits from Prince Charles and war veterans. was eventually captured though the film, ‘The Longest Day’ suggested he was released when St Mere Eglise After that we went to the British cemetery at was liberated. The only problem was that the town Hermanville; there were about 1000 graves here. They mayor, thinking that Steele was dead, rang the church were mostly British (986) with some Canadians (13) bells continuously in celebration. Steele was then deaf Australians (3) and French (3). The French had given for about two weeks! We then visited the St Mere this plot of land to the British and the way that the Eglise Museum, which had a real glider that was used grass and flowers were so well kept made it feel to drop men from the sky. There were also tanks and peculiarly English: a corner of a foreign field that is hundreds of other war artifacts. forever England. The number of grave slabs and a few We went to Utah Beach, where the Americans landed, Stars of David hit you but it was not as dramatic as the American Cemetery. to appreciate how difficult it was to attack, but most of the Shells soon found a game of British Bulldogs more That evening we returned to our surprisingly entertaining. After that, we went to the American comfortable lodgings, the legendary Novotel in the Omaha Cemetery. It was absolutely amazing. There middle of Caen, where we enjoyed a delicious meal were 9,387 American Military servicemen buried and returned to our rooms for an early night after such there. Again, some of them were Jewish but the an early morning. majority was Christian. It was here that the director Steven Spielberg got his inspiration for the film Saving Private Ryan which we watched in the bus. This was Sunday 22 April completely different to the other cemeteries; there On Sunday morning we went to the German were 10,000 buried there, and each soldier had his Cemetery, Le Cambe. This was a huge field with few own grave; all the marble crosses were white and crosses, but the few were grey and old with little looked as if they were new. There was a lovely plaques in the ground showing the names of the men circular chapel in the middle and a big building at the buried, sometimes three at a time. I suppose the end which had the names of the dead and the dignity of the defeated Germans was not a high movements of the D-Day attacks. priority in the aftermath of the war, but I thought that After the cemetery we went to Arramanches; this was this was not right for the men, even the Germans, that a little seaside town where Churchill’s main plan to had died for their country. In the middle of the field produce a temporary port on the coast of France was. there was a big grassy mound with about 10,000 men He decided to set up a series of concrete casement buried in it. It somehow looked like an ancient burial joined to huge, floating bridges outside the mound. In this cemetery there were a total of 20,000 Arramanches coast. All of these structures were men buried. It was one of the places that, in the hollow but had valves you could use to let in the water autumn, with no leaves on the trees and and sink them. Some of them are still wind and rain could be extremely scary. visible today. We visited a museum It looked, even in the bright weather, and saw a model of what it actually like a film set but I did not enjoy it at was like. We then wandered around all, due to the overwhelming sense of the town, which was mainly closed but death surrounding me. there were some shops open that We then travelled to the Point du Hoc would sell knives and bangers, most of where we saw a big field with some which were handed in during the concrete bunkers in it. The difference amnesty on the way home. This is was that the entire place had been bombed out so there traditional, apparently. were lots of potholes. Henry Lawrence (F) deduced that it must have been a skating park, that is until we

40 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 That evening we went to rather a large fair, there were OVERHEARD… (2) masses of attractions (and dodgems) and a few A second batch of memorable lines from around goldfish were even won! College in recent weeks.

Monday 23 April Overheard in Social: I missed my phone alarm and had an embarrassing lie- Subtutor: ‘That floor is a ghetto of non-Chapel in on the morning that we went to Le Chaos to see the attendance…’ four huge cement gun batteries just back from the coast. Beyond that, right by the sea is a lookout and an Overheard by College Pond: armoury. These were fascinating and it was great to go Boy: ‘Oh my God, A Midsummer Night’s Dream has inside them. been so over done in terms of alfresco performances.’

Most Radleians have visited the charming town of Overheard in French, referring to a boy’s use of green Bayeux to see the Tapestry at least once, but it is ink: always impressive. It took us 900 years back in time from the Second World War memorials; this was real Don: ‘It looks like a radioactive otter wiped his arse on history and even Mr Money could not remember these your question paper.’ events. This was also quite interesting as I had never seen it before. Lunch then a short coach journey to the Overheard in the Music Department: Memoriale Museum in Caen which was also very Don, storming down a corridor: ‘This place is far too interesting as it didn’t just cover the Second World modern. Too many drum kits and not enough War but also other twentieth century history. We then harpsichords.’ went to Sword Beach, which was much like the Omaha one and where one Shell lost a shoe which was Overheard in a Physics lesson: buried as a joke and then could not be found. Boy: ‘Sir, do we need to know this?’ By now it was quite late so we headed back to the Don: ‘Well, yes… you would need to know it if, say, a ferry for the journey back to Radley. The trip was beautiful young lady were to come up to you and ask enjoyed very much by the Shells and phalanx of dons. you to recall the kinetic theory, in exchange for... Thank you to Dr Summerly for organising it for us. something. So, yes, of course you do.’

‘CONCH’ Overheard in an English lesson: Don to boy: ‘You could not be less amusing if you went to the University of Unfunniness and got a Masters in being unfunny…’

Overheard in Social: Boy A: ‘Wow, I got a complimate from you!’ Boy B: ‘Complimate?’ Boy A: ‘Yeah... it’s a compliment from a mate.’

Overheard in English: Don to boy: ‘I think we should stop there, before one or other of us appears in the Overheard column.’

Overheard in the Classics Department: Boy A: ‘Sir, who is the god of ablative absolutes?’ Boy B: ‘I think it’s Zeus – he looks like a pretty ablative-absolute kind of guy...’

Please keep sending us (printable) quotes – to [email protected].

41 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE CONFOUND THEIR POLITICS (2) THE FRENCH PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION 2007 Chers anglais bonjour ! Vous le savez probablement, Hello, cherished English! You probably know this but la France a changé de président. Le 6 mai 2007, France has had a change of President. On the 6th May Nicolas Sarkozy a été élu avec 53% des voix. Ce 2007, Nicolas Sarkozy was elected with 53% of the n’était une surprise pour personne, depuis le temps que votes. It wasn’t a surprise for anyone, for as long as l’opinion publique le prévoyait, il fallait bien que cela public opinion predicted it Sarkozy’s win was arrive. Seule la gauche, et Ségolène Royal en tête, inevitable. Only the left, with Ségolène Royal at its persistait à ne pas tenir compte des sondages, helm, persisted in ignoring the polls, now that maintenant que tout était encore possible…discours de everything was still possible…a pre-emptive ad hoc circonstance pour une candidate vaincue d’avance ? speech of a beaten candidate? In any case it was her C’est elle en tout cas, qui la première, s’est adressée who addressed the media first after the announcement aux médias après l’annonce de la victoire de son rival. Ce fût un discours simple. Toujours souriante, elle a of her rival’s victory. It was a restrained speech. tout d’abord remercié ceux qui l’avaient soutenue. Always smiling, she first of all thanked those who had Puis elle leur a assuré, d’une voix claire et forte, « le supported her. Then she reassured them, in a clear and combat continue !»…ils sont forts ces politiciens ! strong voice, ‘the contest continues’… these politicians are great! Quant à Nicolas Sarkozy…je veux dire, le président Sarkozy, il est resté égal à lui-même. Toujours le As for Nicolas Sarkozy… I mean to say, President même dynamisme qui a séduit les électeurs, avec peut- Sarkozy, he was still his same old self. Still the same être, pour l’occasion, un visage un peu plus grave (et dynamism which charmed the voters, with perhaps for bien oui, ce n’est pas parce qu’on est président qu’il the occasion, a more serious expression (and of course faut se laisser aller !). Il ne s’est pas répandu en being president doesn’t mean you let yourself go!). He remerciements inutiles et interminables, quelques didn’t break out into unnecessary and never-ending phrases simples suffisent pour ensuite entamer les acknowledgements, a few simple sentences sufficed choses sérieuses ! Il a été question de renforcement du and then he moved onto more serious matters! There rôle de l’Etat ainsi que du président, de l’éducation was talk of the strengthening of the state’s role along pour tous, de l’égalité des salaires hommes/femmes, with the President’s, education for everyone, equal pay de l’aide au développement de l’Afrique et du for men and women, aid for development in Africa problème environnemental. Concernant ce dernier and to help with environmental issues. Concerning this point, une visite à la Maison Blanche serait prévue last matter, a visit to the White House would be prochainement. En effet, notre nouveau président planned soon. In fact our new president plans to make projette de faire entendre raison à George Bush et, qui sait, lui faire accepter le protocole de Kyoto ?...c’est George Bush listen to reason and, who knows, make bien Nicolas ! Bonne initiative et bon courage ! Il faut him accept the Kyoto Protocol? That’s great Nicolas! quand même lui reconnaître une grande Good initiative and good luck! You’ll still need great détermination…on verra bien… tenacity to make him realize, we’ll definitely see… Cependant ! Avant de devenir officiellement président, However, before officially becoming president, Nicolas Sarkozy s’est autorisé un petit break en Nicolas Sarkozy allowed himself a little family famille sur le yacht d’un ami milliardaire (préparation holiday on a yacht of a multimillionaire pal psychologique au stress du pouvoir). C’est un (psychological preparation for the stress of power). An président tout bronzé qui a pris la place d’un autre entirely tanned President took the place of a président tout blanc ! Qui pourrait croire en voyant completely pale President! Who would be able to Jacques Chirac et Nicolas Sarkozy se serrant believe the sight of Jacques Chirac and Nicolas chaleureusement la main et se tapant amicalement Sarkozy shaking hands warmly and behaving together l’épaule qu’ils se détestent ? La politique est un art ! in a very friendly way? Politics is an art! Le président Sarkozy a donc reçu ses nouveaux President Sarkozy thus received his new powers, he is pouvoirs, il est maintenant un super-président. Il a now a super-president. He reviewed a small section of passé en revue un petit échantillon de l’armée dont il the army as the head of it… this needs no est à présent le chef…sans commentaire…rappelons commenting. However let’s remember that he’d want cependant qu’il aurait l’intention de rétablir un service to reinstate a military service of six months... but militaire de six mois…sans moi ! Tout ce qu’il nous without me! All that remains for us to do for the reste à faire pour l’instant, c’est attendre. Les premiers moment is wait. The first few months will be difficult mois seront peut-être difficiles, mais comme on dit, on perhaps, but like you say, you don’t make an omelette ne fait pas d’omelette sans casser des œufs…et puis si without breaking eggs, and well if that doesn’t work, 42 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 ça ne va pas, on fera la grève ! (les français sont très we’ll strike! (The French are great at that.) forts pour ça) ARMELLE VÉDRINE Translated by ASA BENNETT (C)

OLIVER TWIST THE REMOVE PLAY 15-16 MAY, THE THEATRE The Video Unit and Chronicle reviewers were out in outstanding – certainly when new characters were force at the back, I noticed as I entered the now not so introduced to the play, after marvelling at the new aptly named New Theatre, and these are usually addition to the colourful and inventive costumes, I portents of a good evening. I sat down in my seat fully could not work out who was behind the makeup! Mr expecting the dulcet tones of prepubescent boys to Brownlow is a prime example of a case where, without break out into ‘Food, Glorious Food’, but no – the play having read the program, it was impossible to tell that opened with the oddly comical birth of Oliver Twist, it was Ben Hatt (H) – he was very good, and managed from the womb of Owen Petty (C), playing Oliver’s to not only keep his character going throughout the mother. The decision not to perform it as a musical whole production, but also his accent, which some was disappointing for some, but I think it made for a others seemed to be struggling with. more serious performance and allowed more work to Finally, truly the star of the show – Tom Milligan (D) go into the acting which was tremendous. as Fagin. He had fine-tuned his part, in my view, to Some of the casting was inspired: Henry Frewer (G) near perfection, with a slight air of campness and and Ali Maxwell (A) were born to play Dodger and hidden fear. His wonderful gestures, bows, and accent Bates, two friendly rivals in the gang of pickpockets. all amalgamated to what Fagin should be: a character Both were very convincing, although I’m sure I that everyone likes to start with, but soon realises that detected a bit of South African creeping into Frewer’s he is actually no good. Milligan was so watchable – accent, but this is hardly important when he created we always felt very comfortable when he arrived on such a wonderful Dodger. Bill Sykes, played by Toby stage, knowing that we were going to be entertained. Momoh (C), and Nancy were an interesting pair – in Lighting was relatively accurately designed around the fact, the first time Sykes appeared on stage I’m set, and was controlled by Alex Murison (B) without convinced several members of the audience gasped any of the embarrassing mistakes that actors dread; and reclined in their seats – he had such a fantastic there were, perhaps, too many blackouts and scene stage presence, even though at times I felt his words changes which slowed down the narrative. On sound were lost due to a tiny lack of diction. Petty was was Tom McKinlay (C) who dealt with the large perhaps a little over the top as Nancy, but in some amount of music and effects admirably. Cued by Josh cases this was what was required – he was one of the Rencher (D), the technical team, all three new to the only members of the cast that we could hear clearly all job, did an admirable performance and a valuable the time. contribution to such a polished performance. One thing that was particularly fascinating was to see The decision not to stage it as a musical, in my mind at actors with multiple roles: Jack Lahiff (C) and George least, was vindicated by the high quality of the acting Rolls (A) played a staggering five parts between them, and, moreover, it allowed the director to stay very involving costume, accent, and character changes in a faithful to the original text. The Removes are relatively short space of time. The audience loved undoubtedly a year brimming with acting talent and Lahiff’s repeated line: ‘I shall eat my head,’ and Rolls’ we will definitely be seeing some fantastic college Mr Sowerberry created a tone of intrigue and eeriness productions in a few years time. The cast were whenever he was on stage – both were superb. Other excellent almost without exception, but special praise characters of note were Mr Bumble, played has to go to Tom Milligan, Ben Hatt and Jack Lahiff wonderfully pompously by Charlie Bouverat (D), and for some extraordinarily high quality acting. of course Oliver Twist himself. George Service (H) Congratulations to GHSM on his debut as a director, was ideal for this role, and brought it off with all the coaxing excellent performances from the cast. innocence yet liveliness that this part required. Sixth Form thespians watch out – the Removes are The costumes and makeup really do deserve a coming. paragraph to their own, as they were utterly

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‘THREE ALBUMS EVERY RADLEIAN SHOULD OWN’ (2) This purely subjective series aims solely to cater for the Radleian taste and no-one else’s – perhaps a distinctive rock and pop slant with some acoustic thrown in… Or not – send in your own definition if you have a better one. THE MAINSTREAM OPTION: linked to relationships with women. Songs like No The Rakes – ‘Ten New Messages’ Pussy Blues, Get It On, Depth Charge Ethel and Grinderman have immediately obvious sexual We Danced Together is one of the greatest indie-dance references, however, Cave’s lyrics are often very tracks that I have heard in the last few years. Starting amusing: ‘I stroked her disgusting little Chihuahua, off with a fast drum beat and haunting backing vocals but still she didn’t want to…I got the no pussy blues’. the track develops into a storming feel-good anthem Perhaps Grinderman is a biographical tribute to with Alan Donohoes’s classic voice and some Cave’s own love life; he has had a string of affairs and exhausting guitar playing. One thing that really makes flings with women all over the globe including the this second effort from The Rakes stand out is the singer PJ Harvey and two illegitimate children. One sense of unity within the band in contrast with their thing that’s for sure is that Cave remains one of the first album. Ten New Messages is a huge leap in the most innovative and ever-changing artists around and right direction for the group; they have developed their any Radleian who is looking for a bit down and dirty own sound, however, there are times when some of the blues should look no further. songs wouldn’t look at all out of place on Franz Ferdinand or Kaiser Chiefs records. Suspicious Eyes UNDER THE RADAR: takes on the issue of the London Tube bombings, with Interpol – Antics a definite nod toward Bloc Party who tackled the same issue in their latest album A Weekend in the City, and New York band Interpol barely caused a ripple in the the subsequent suspicion that it has created amongst UK with their second album, ‘Antics’, which upon its commuters towards Asians – ‘I’ve gotta a beard and a release in 2004 didn’t even chart, a complete travesty bag so they think I’ve gotta bomb’. Moreover, there is in my humble opinion. Across the pond it was a huge no point in this album where things dip; right up until success for an indie album, reaching number 15 in the the end they keep on rolling out the hits. This album Billboard 200 – a hugely impressive feat considering made me realise that there was a big indie-shaped hole the Arctic Monkeys only reached number 24 with their in my music-life and The Rakes have more than filled over-hyped offering to music..... Interpol are a band it for the moment. Ten New Messages is a fast-paced, with a unique feel, from the deep, soulful vocals of exciting record which ticks all the boxes and promises frontman Paul Banks to the atmospheric synths, and to soundtrack many people’s Summer Term. intensely addictive riffs – their range of song style is also impressive, with the ability to carry off the fast Single to look out for: We Danced Together floor-filler, such as Slow Hands, as well as the slower, Best B-Side: Suspicious Eyes evocative Next Exit and Evil. It is one of my favourite albums, and I cannot quite believe that I am one of THE ALTERNATIVE: only a few at Radley to be waiting in great anticipation Grinderman for their next album, released next month. Let’s hope this changes – look them up and prepare to be ‘Foul-mouthed, noisy, hairy and damn well old converted... enough to know better’ was how the band was described in an initial press release. The self-titled new Single to look out for: Slow Hands album from Nick Cave and three other ‘(Nick Cave Best B-Side: Evil and the) Bad Seeds’ members is a primitive garage blues rock record which sees Cave play lead guitar for the first time. For anyone who is vaguely familiar with ALSO RECOMMENDED: Cave’s music you should instantly be able to recognise his deep rough voice, which sounds very much like Living is a Problem Because Everything Dies – that of Tom Waits and Patti Smith, however, Biffy Clyro straightaway there is a something refreshing and edgy New Epidemic – Metro Riots about the Grinderman album; something that is missing from any of the ‘Nick Cave and the Bad Icky Thump – The White Stripes Seeds’ records. Maybe it is the overdriven, rough I’m Impressed – yourcodenameis:milo guitar or the occasional experimental keyboard Rendition – Manic Street Preachers sounds, but something makes this new group stand out from the rest; it really hits you in the face, but in a HENRY WOODWARD-FISHER (G) & good way. The focus of the songs seems to be largely ALEX EASDALE (A) 44 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007

NON NOBIS, DOMINE

FAVOURITE HYMNS & SONGS FROM RADLEY COLLEGE CHAPEL

AVAILABLE SOON ON CD CONTACT SDJC TO ORDER 45 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE DESERT ISLAND DONS NO. 4 – MR DAVID EDWARDS A series of mini-interviews with musical members of Common Room where we imagine that they are marooned on a desert island. They are allowed to choose ten pieces of music and a book, luxury, etc (alongside, of course, the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare). DCKE is Tutor of H Social, an English don, and formerly Head of Drama. 1. Golden Brown (The Stranglers) 8. Carillon de Westminster (Vierne) This song is a special reminder of those halcyon As a wannabe organist I’ve always loved listening to university days, sitting around late at night in a poky Louis Vierne’s music and imagining myself playing student room with friends, trying to put the world to something like Carillon de Westminster on the mighty rights. It also features occasionally on cocoa evenings instrument in Liverpool Cathedral. After an in H Social… embarrassing attempt at playing something very easy in a dons’ concert not so long ago, I fear it will only 2. The Dream of Gerontius (Elgar) ever remain a dream. What an incredibly spine-tingling moment when the 9. The Thrill is Gone (Chet Baker) Soul of Gerontius is to go before his ‘Judge’: the orchestra builds and this soaring tortured tenor voice Despite the title, this song brings out the old romantic cries ‘Take me away, and in the lowest deep There let in me. It’s mellow and sexy but with a hint of me be…’. Overwhelming. melancholy which strikes me as being quite an exciting combination. 3. Put Your Lights On (Santana) It just suits the mood on holiday in Portugal when you 10. Don’t Stop Me Now (Queen) sit at the end of a hot day, with a glass of chilled What a band! So many of the songs have that ‘get up Planalto in your hand, watching the sun set over the and go’ quality and it’s almost impossible to stay still. Algarve. There are numerous opportunities for air-guitaring and the showmanship of its lead singer has, I think, been 4. ‘Goldberg’ Variations (Bach) unsurpassed. The opening Aria, despite its ‘Hannibal’ associations, Song: Well I have already selected quite a few songs I find quite hauntingly beautiful. I wish I could play it properly and shall try to persuade Jonny Williams to in my top ten tracks but I have reserved one for this section. It’s Eric Clapton’s Layla (but the unplugged give me a private recital of it before he leaves… version) which has very special associations that, I 5. Serenade for Winds (Mozart) fear, will have to remain hidden from all but my One of the most highly charged moments in the play nearest and dearest. Amadeus by Peter Shaffer is when Salieri finds a Luxury: An E-Type Jaguar convertible in Racing manuscript that has casually been dashed off by Green. The most beautiful car on the road but I guess Mozart. He hears the music in his head, and weeps at not particularly practical on a desert island. However I its incredible beauty and power. He realises he will suppose I could just sit in it, sniff the bucket leather never achieve such ‘perfection’. seats, grip the walnut racing steering wheel and 6. Via con me (Paolo Conte) imagine the wind slicing through what some may consider my less than full head of hair, as I reach a Conte’s music evokes images of smoke filled Italian quite significant speed on the old military road in (or anywhere else for that matter) jazz bars and again Northumberland. it’s for late night listening. Via... is a particular favourite of mine: I love the saxophone solo and Book: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. This Conte’s dreamy delivery really lifts the spirits. would give me the greatest opportunity to play out all the wonderfully diverse and quirky characters as and 7. Adagio from the String Quartet in C (Schubert) when they appear….. I will happily have this movement playing on repeat in Drink: Barolo. A big, muscular red which has always the kitchen on a Sunday morning in the holidays, had absolutely the right effect. whilst enjoying a long and very lazy breakfast. Although there are bursts of energy in the Adagio, Film: Nicholas Roeg’s Don’t Look Now (based on a most of it has an extraordinarily calming effect so can Daphne du Maurier short story). This film uses the also be used as a sedative after moments of high sounds and colours and ancient buildings of an almost tension. deserted Venice to create the most uncomfortable and disturbing atmosphere. There are some genuinely 46 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 chilling moments, and the twist at the end is pretty of vegetation, seeds and the harvest. It is clever how shocking. The film stars a young Julie Christie with through the two poles of the exhibition we are induced Donald Sutherland who happens also to be one of my to wonder how the artist’s travels and the modern favourite actors. ‘gods of consumerism and fashion’ fit together, but Phone call: Probably the Doc (Summerly), who is one they do. It is a strange but effective combination of the pressures of Western media and images against the of the most genuine and selfless people I have ever ‘brutality of the Aztec religion’. met. He also makes me laugh with his terrible jokes. Downstairs there is a different world inspired by a trip Literary character: Iago. What makes him tick? to Papua New Guinea last summer (the 2005 Intriguing… Commonwealth Arts and Crafts Prize). We see some Celebrity: Jim Broadbent. A wonderful actor from stunning paintings of water rippling over someone, whom I would want to learn something about acting possibly the artist, and beautifully crafted ceramic fish during my enforced sabbatical. that are delicately painted. This shows the ‘isolation Please send in suggestions for dons you would like to and spirituality informed by the culturally rich and see marooned on a desert island in future issues to diverse background of Papua New Guinea’, in a [email protected]. perfect setting with bright sunlight from the glass wall and skylights.

The exhibition is a wonderful journey with tones of ALL ABOUT ME despair and uncertainty upstairs (with eight captivating LEE-ANNE HAMPSON portraits of some familiar Radley faces) to the quirky ART EXHIBITION IN THE THEATRE and striking influences of Papua New Guinea downstairs. Everyone who has visited the Theatre will have LAKH is leaving Radley this summer after two years noticed the new double exhibition occupying the and she intends to continue teaching and perhaps work spacious interior. The two levels tackle two different for an MA. She has been a great influence on many themes that Artist-in-Residence Lee-Anne Hampson Radleians in the Art Department and we wish her has worked on, one drawing on her travel experiences happiness and success in the future. using other cultures as a starting point, and the other dealing with feminine issues such as ‘beauty, self- image and how others perceive us’. There was a review in the Oxford Times recently of the exhibition, but, said LAKH, this was rather misleading. For example, it is not strictly true that while swimming in the South Pacific she found herself drowning and her ‘life force emerging into a spirit being in the form of a small fish’. This, Lee-Anne tells me was a story from the local culture who believe such things, although she did experience the terrible feeling of almost drowning. Female Hunger, a mixed media interactive installation was also incorrectly named although I like its description: it is composed of ‘ceramic flowers with gaping red mouths that stretch across the floor searching endlessly for food’. The stems represent intestines and the roses are gaping mouths. At the private views, there was a heartbeat sound track over the top too. It is totally bizarre but eerily beautiful. I wondered how the peeling skin of sacrificial Aztec victims fits in with the sweet wrappers and the ‘healthy alternative’ wrappers sewn in on the costumes which the ceramic models wear from Inside my Skin. The skins, said LAKH, represent what one does not want, and the attempted cover-up of this in order to achieve the desired image in our society. The Aztecs had this ritual where a priest would be sewn into the skin of the victims for a month in festivals for the God 47 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE The Grand High Witch of all the World, guest speaker THE WITCHES extraordinaire, was played well by Alex Rose, rolling THE C SOCIAL PLAY his ‘r’s in a menacing mid-European fashion: ‘Bash 28 APRIL, THE THEATRE them, skvish them, slash them, smash them...’ One of the funniest parts of the play was the cameo Although it would be fair to say that the New Theatre wasn’t quite at full capacity, C Social’s production of appearance of two of the directors, Rory Stallibrass and Theo Whitworth, as the Muppety chefs in the Dahl’s The Witches was performed in a friendly and hotel kitchen. They engage in a Laurel and Hardy- intimate atmosphere. One slight cause for concern, style skit in an attempt to avoid the mice who are however, was that on the programme there was a slipping potion into their soup; the skill of these A prompter listed; fortunately this was in the safe hands of Rupert Crookenden. level dramatists shone out here. Congratulations to Randall minor, Whitworth minor The choice of opening music was slightly incongruous with the overall tone of the play, but was effective and Stallibrass minor for the imaginative and entertaining drama – don’t forget, it was ‘only’ a with the immediate drama of the opening nightmare. Social Play – as well as their script improvements (for The set design was minimalist: a solitary bed occupied the opening sequence with Charlie Macrae-Tod as the example, mentioning the threat of being ‘sent to Mr Sparks for a gating’ or the risqué, ‘he’s in the bath lead role sleeping – or rather sleep talking – in it; he with an FHM. The splashing has stopped, so he must was a confident, if slightly matter-of-fact lead character. Jamie Randall’s performance as his have finished by now’). This did make us wonder what goes on in C Social… eccentric and foul-mouthed Norwegian/Kazakhstani- accented grandmother was one of the highlights, Following the curtain call, Mr Sparks extended his although one thing which was slightly annoying was congratulations to the cast and the directors but also his constant hand gesturing of Fleming’s left hand rule particularly to Miss Naylor, Mr Matt Barker and Ben straight out of Physics for You. Her demonstration to Sheen for their work behind the scenes in making this her grandson of how to spot a witch introduced the one of the best recent social plays. sinister character of Asa Bennett as Witch One. The drag factor – an essential element of Social plays – on the witches certainly heightened their ability to terrify and repulse the adults of the audience, let alone the children… Most people will know the book, but for those who missed out on one of Dahl’s most twisted and macabre stories, here is a brief summary. A young boy and his grandmother are staying at a hotel in Bournemouth where the annual convention of British witches (ironically disguised as a meeting of the ‘Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children’) happens to be taking place. The witches, whose mission in life is abducting and eliminating children are planning an audacious attempt to turn all the world’s children into mice with a potion. They turn the hero, Boy (who remains unnamed throughout the book), and his spoilt American playmate Bruno into mice, played charmingly by Nick Pattinson and Archie Manners in fluffy ears and noses. The moment when Bruno was changed into a mouse was particularly effective – Manners ran round the stage chased by the witches in strobe lighting, smoke and dim green light – credit to Ben Sheen for the lighting, sound, and stage management. The two mice enlist the help of the grandmother, who knows a bit about witches, and they spike the witches’ food with the potion, ending their evil plan. But – in a twist that even Dahl himself didn’t dare include – Boy’s grandmother cackles loudly at the end, and we are left wondering... 48 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 MAY MORNING MADRIGALS 7.30AM 1 MAY, MANSION ROOF The first day of summer dawned to blue skies and An enormous (by Radleian standards at least) crowd birdsong echoing through the quads of college; the numbering up to perhaps 100 people gathered to listen, Madrigal Choir met in high spirits at 6.45am for coffee despite the fact that the performance started at 7.30am. and a last-minute By 7.45, there were rehearsal, before people coming and going clambering on to as the music travelled Mansion Roof to across Radley in the crisp serenade the spectators May air. below. Music sung from Heralding the advent of Mansion Roof Summer, May Day is reverberates surprisingly celebrated through the well between the singing of ‘May Day brickwork of F and B Madrigals’ at many Socials, with some echo schools and colleges returning to the roof across the British Isles – itself; the sound on this most famously just down still morning was heard the road from us at as far away as C Social Magdalen College, and Jackdaw Clump. Oxford. If you were to The crowd that gathers to venture into Oxford at the listen in front of Mansion crack of dawn on May 1st has been growing larger (which some Radleians every year, and there’s a have been known to do), hidden audience too – you would find yourself boys listening from the listening to the melodic comfort of their beds tones of the Magdalen through half-open Choir as others have done windows dotted around for centuries; it is also the quad. perhaps the only day when you can see black- After the Madrigals a tie clad undergraduates special breakfast was punting along the enjoyed by all, choir and Cherwell at six in the audience alike. The morning. quality of music was superb, as ever, and I’m This year the three sure the B Social boys regular pieces were sung enjoyed being entertained – Now is the Month of on their way to breakfast. Maying by Morley, Pastyme with good This year the ceremony companye, attributed to was recorded for Henry VIII, and Sumer is posterity by the Video icumen in, the 12th Unit, via a camera and century round – together microphone on the roof, with three others: A and another up high on a Prayer of King Henry VI cherry picker. The edited by Henry Ley, a past footage, about 15 minutes Precentor here, As worth, can be viewed on Torrents in Summer by the Video Unit website. Elgar and Faire is the Heaven, the sublime (and Thanks to LB for conducting the choir and organizing challenging) double choir anthem by William Harris. the festivities once again. All were charming and well performed; with the highlight perhaps being Faire is the Heaven, sung by the elite of the choir. 49 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

BENT PRIZES A2 DRAMA EXAMINATION PIECE The Richards Gold Medal has been awarded to 10 MAY, STUDIO THEATRE MAG Shephard (D)

Bent by Martin Sherman deals with how the Nazis treated homosexuals in 1930s Germany. The The Harvard Prize Book has been awarded to candidates were split into two groups and performed two different versions of the same play. AD Bennett (C) The first group, Pink or Yellow, was made up of Chris Craig-Harvey (C), Olly Johnston (H), Tom Horbye LEAVER’S RECITAL (H) and Ed Smalley (H). They put on an excellent and very moving production which managed to captivate JAMES FRYER the audience and effectively made them feel they were 17 MAY, SILK HALL in a concentration camp. A theme of both productions The audience were treated to a wide range of was that the homosexuals had to carry out pointless repertoire from Scarlatti to Noughton on the Steinway manual labour; in Pink or Yellow they constantly on a beautiful summer’s evening that reflected the moved rocks onto and off the stage which was mood of the listeners: staff, family and friends of supposed to drive them mad. James. After a brief introduction, in which James warned us that we may fall asleep, he commenced The second group entitled their piece Liebentöd and with a faultless performance of Scarlatti. Whilst was made up of Harry Mayes (G), Jamie Laing (B), watching, I attempted to keep count of the infamous Hugo Thorp (G) and George Lines (B). Their nod, but found this quite boring after about thirty production started off in a fictional gay club, Bent, seconds. which its owner, Greta (Lines), introduced. Their costumes consisted of sparkling all-in-one pink or After the Haydn and Debussy, both also wonderfully yellow boiler suits. Yet the bulk of their production played, no one in the audience appeared to be asleep, was a cabaret piece from the play itself and revolved and those who may have been were woken up by a around the development of the relationship between contrasting style of music in the form of Noughton. Max and Horst. The group put particular emphasis on The brevity of the piece was refreshing after having the different colours prisoners had to wear in the heard the two mammoth works before, and during the camp: ‘Green – criminal. Red – political. Yellow – Bach, James was in full flow: the head was nodding Jew. Pink – gay. Pink’s the lowest.’ calmly in a full circular motion. Mayes and Thorp played Max and Laing and Lines The Chopin was a fitting finale: exciting, impressive played Horst with regular interchanges between the and thrilling. A deserved round of applause came after two pairs. They had four large, black boxes which they what was thought to be the final piece of the evening. moved to change setting but most notably to portray This clap lasted for what seemed like 5 minutes (it the monotonous repetitiveness of the pointless labour probably was), during which James bowed a the prisoners were forced to do. They moved these staggering ten times: one of the most memorable boxes tirelessly around their raised stage and built to a features of the evening. Just when it was thought that raunchy climax as Max and Horst feel “each other, the recital had finished, we were treated to a unique without looking, without touching” and when they version of Where did I go wrong? The piano and vocal reached this climax, they slammed each of their boxes arrangement left a lasting memory of what was a truly down onto the stage to reveal four pink triangles, that great evening, and another round of applause came, were not previously visible to the audience, in a with James taking another six bows, taking the tally moving sign of sexual unity. for the night to sixteen. The two plays were very different interpretations of It was a great recital and perhaps a contender for the same original material but the first was more overall winner of the Stoughton-Harris Prize, although faithful to the script with one character per part. Both this year there are seven more Leavers’ recitals to productions featured the death of Horst which evoked come. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sympathy from the audience, and both were enjoyable and thought-provoking drama that left the audience contemplating the horrors of a Nazi prison camp.

50 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007

HERE & THERE Congratulations to Oliver Williams (B) who was short-listed in the Tate-Times Drawing Challenge, a competition of self-portraits by young artists aged 11-18. He was reported in the Times as saying, ‘This drawing is based on a photograph I got my dad to take of me. I was squinting because of the sun, and not looking particularly dashing. I like mood in drawings; I don’t like the sitter looking regal.’

51 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE SOCIAL BARBEQUES – PART ONE A two-part review of the food and entertainment available on campus of a Saturday evening. Reviews were carried out by one or two Editors on a random Saturday before Leave Away. Reviews of A, D, G, H Socials and Orchard will appear in the next issue. B SOCIAL night the presence was more substantial. Location: In the Tutor’s Garden. How long it goes on for: Over by 11pm Type of barbeque: Gas-fired, the barbeque looked Cheese? No, the other socials nicked it. slightly old. Its temperature was quite strong: the In conclusion: C for Cracking flames had to be tamed by RMCG and EVH rapidly at one point. E SOCIAL Who was cooking? EVH Location: Tutor’s Garden What food was on offer? Plentiful amounts of chicken, Type of barbeque: Gas-fired steak, burgers, several sausage varieties and ribs. Who was cooking? JRWB Quality of food: Flamegrilled…even though the What food was on offer? Burgers, chicken, ribs, barbeque was old, the food was of a fine standard. sausages What drink was on offer? Carlsberg, Fosters, Tesco Quality of food: Pretty good, but a bit cold by the time cola cans. we arrived. Quality of drink: The beer and coke were fine. What drink was on offer? Ribena and beer General ambience: Welcoming atmosphere and a very General ambience: Intimate and relaxed pleasant ambience. Quality of banter: Excellent: full marks (see below) Quality of banter: Good Ball games/other activities nearby: None: restricted Ball games/other activities nearby: Cricket, football space available although the trampoline looked What music was playing? Rolling Stones tempting Attendance: Apparently lower than normal, yet still a What music was playing? None fair number of people. Attendance: Lowish How long it went on for: It showed no signs of How long it went on for: Past 10.30pm winding down or finishing when I left after a couple of hours. Cheese? Yes Cheese? Yes Viscosity of Ketchup and mayonnaise: A tad runny Viscosity of Ketchup and mayonnaise: Genuine Heinz In conclusion: E for Exclusive Ketchup – perfect viscosity! Also “Genuine wood- [An interesting evening, and what was particularly smoked HP Barbeque Sauce” fascinating was the English Lit. talk from a certain In conclusion: B for Brilliant sub-tutor. Mrs Tutor was about to entertain us with her cup stacking abilities, but refrained as apparently plastic cups crack under the strain.] C SOCIAL

Location: On Social Patch F SOCIAL Type of barbeque: Gas-fired and modern Location: Tutor’s Garden Who was cooking? JMS, Barney Hunter and Alex Type of barbeque: Gas-fired* Douglas Who was cooking? AJM in a very colourful apron What food was on offer? Sausages, steak and buns What food was on offer? Burgers, chicken, steak, Quality of food: Fine sausages and ribs What drink was on offer? Genuine Coca Cola and Quality of food: Hot but slightly overdone Grolsch lager What drink was on offer? Coke and ginger beer Quality of drink: Satisfying Quality of drink: Ginger beer was satisfactory General ambience: Civilised General ambience: Sporty Quality of banter: Ed Chalk. Nuff said. Quality of banter: Good, especially from Tutor – see Ball games/other activities nearby: TV on in the TV below. Room just behind where the BBQ was happening Ball games/other activities nearby: Lots of football; What music was playing? None, but music emanated some interaction with B Social. from nearby rooms. What music was playing? Don’t know; it was fine Attendance: Quite low at the beginning; later into the Attendance: High number of juniors 52 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 How long it went on for: Ball games until dark A TUTOR’S DIARY QUIZ (9:30pm) but over by 10pm Cheese? Yes Eight episodes detailing life in I Social from the Viscosity of Ketchup and mayonnaise: Ketchup was pen of its long-suffering housemaster have been slightly too viscous published so far, and Chapter IX – Midsummer In conclusion: F for Fantastic. Madness will appear in the Gaudy Issue. [* We were warned that if the review was not good, For aficionados of the series, below we have set the barbeque would be Chronicle-powered next time.] ten questions to see what you have remembered. All back issues are available on the intranet.

I SOCIAL Location: on the croquet lawn A GUIDE TO THE CHAPTERS SO FAR Type of barbeque: Nuclear fission I – A Tutor’s Diary (Vol I, no. 3) Who was cooking? Mrs Tutor and three VI.1s on a Head of Social drive II – ’Twas the night before Gaudy… (Vol I, no. 4) III – The Order of the Bath (Vol. II, no. 1) What food was on offer? Lamb chops marinated in pineapple, beef-and-pineapple-burger, kebabs with a IV – Mattresses and Manouevres (Vol II, no. 3) hint of pineapple, pineapple sauce (food kindly V – Pot Plants & Prittstick (Vol III, no. 2) provided by the Catering Dept) VI – My Social and Other Animals (Vol IV, no. 1) Quality of food: Could not tell since everything was VII – Duty, Drink and Disappointment (Vol V, no. 4) burnt (the Tutor said he thought the control rods VIII – April Showers & Summer Whine (Vol VII, no. 1) needed replacing). What drink was on offer? Gewurztraminer for the QUIZ Sixth Form, home-made elderflower cordial for the Q1. What are the I Social colours? rest Q2. What is the name of the Tutor’s wife? Quality of banter? A discussion of the merits of single Q3. What terrible end met Attila the Social Cat? malts (including Shells), with occasional insults hurled Q4. In which hotel, recommended by the Boat Club, through the hedge into J Social did the Tutor and his wife spend a few days away? Ball games/other activities nearby? Croquet round and Q5. Who was the boy who kept a beagle in his room? about, but the BBQ had to move every time anyone Q6. What happened to the Chapel organ on Gaudy? needed to go for the 4th hoop Q7. What kind of wood is the Prefects’ Bathroom What music was playing? Beethoven and Stravinsky, decorated in? mostly, with some Rachmaninov to chill out at the end Q8. What is the name of the I Social song? Attendance: compulsory; there was a roll call every 10 Q9. Who was the Tutor’s predecessor in I Social? minutes. Q10. What colour are the Welsh hymn sheets? How long it went on for: less than an hour: the food Tie Breaker: I wish I were in I Social because... was cooked in about 30 seconds and Matron closed (complete in a maximum of 10 words). Email entries things down pretty rapidly by bringing out the Social to [email protected]. Twister set The winner gets £5 of Shop vouchers and will be able Cheese? Lovely goat’s cheese from the Social goat. to sit in on the next Tutor’s Diary script meeting, Viscosity of Ketchup and mayonnaise: Mrs Tutor’s contributing to future storylines. home-made organic nettle-and-pineapple dressing was said to be delicious. In conclusion: I for Inimitable.

53 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

MINUTES OF SMAC MEETING MINUTES OF SMAC MEETING MONDAY 14 MAY, HALL MONDAY 21 MAY, SHOP

Present: CRB, PJD (Catering Manager), Mr B Pease Present: Mr & Mrs Davies, CRB, the Second Prefect, (Head Chef), reps from A, B, C, D, F, G & H Socials. reps from A, B, C, D, G & H Socials. Apologies were received from the Senior Prefect. Apologies were received from the Senior Prefect. 1. Minutes of the last meeting were read and agreed. 1. Minutes of the last meeting were read and agreed. 2. Matters arising: (a) Friday Social supper choices. 2. Matters arising: (a) Rubbish. A large box was now Up to now the catering staff have been putting on provided on the patio area of Shop for empty pizza popular choices. It is hoped that Socials will continue boxes. to make their own choices. The catering staff need to (b) Magazines. With a few exceptions these were know these choices by Tuesday. working well. Relevant reps were asked to deal with (b) Brunch will be served on Sundays 3 June and 1 problems in their Socials. July. Next term there will be four brunches to be (c) Smoothies will appear in Hall calendarised. Brunch will be on Sundays when there is (d) Hairdressers. There is now a barber on Monday Evensong. and Thursday. 3. Yoghurt. This has not yet been introduced but will 3. Raffle. There will be a raffle in Shop on Thursday be. 31 May at 1.30pm for Amnesty International. 4. Waste. There is less waste but there is still room for 4. Leavers and OR kit. While kitting out new boys improvement. For example fruit is taken, bitten and Shop is exceptionally busy. They are therefore asking then binned. Braeburn apples have been introduced to that leavers who wish to buy OR kit will do so on reduce the number of wasted apples. Monday 11 June or Tuesday 12 June between 9.00pm 5. Intentions: (a) Pasta bar will be increased as it is and 10.00pm. very popular (as is chicken and tomato pie). 5. Meal deal. This was suggested and will be looked (b) Wok bar to be introduced. into but just may not be practical. (c) Baked potato with choices of fillings to be 6. Chocolate. While the sale of this is impractical in introduced. the heat of summer, the possibility of keeping Dairy (d) Fresh soups will appear in the winter. Milk and Galaxy in the chiller will be looked into. 6. Hot wings. These had gone by 12.40. Staff are There is always chocolate in the machines. monitoring the most popular dishes. 7. Sausage rolls. These will be reintroduced in 7. Portions are not always big enough. Boys can September. always return for more. 8. Mini-milks. These will be on offer instead of 8. Social barbecues are popular. PJD is getting more Strawberry Cornetto. feedback. 9. Flapjacks will be on offer instead of éclairs. 9. Mashed potato. Not always as nice as it might be. 10. A chocolate/coffee machine was deemed to be This is possibly due to the reduction of salt and fat. impractical. 10. Smoothies. There followed an excellent tasting of CRB thanked Mr Smoothies with 100% natural ingredients. Two votes and Mrs Davies per rep, results as follows: for their efforts as Banana and honey breakfast 7 votes they approach the Peach Melba 5 votes end of their time Strawberry and banana 2 votes at Radley. Strawberry, Meringue & Crème fraîche 2 votes Summer in a glass 0 votes The winning two flavours will be introduced after Leave Away, probably at breakfast. 11. A request was made for a College Barbecue which will take place in the second half of term. CRB thanked PJD and her team for their excellent efforts. 54 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 MIDSUMMER MISDEMEANOURS A certain Radleian well known in College for being annoyingly talented at lots of different things uncharacteristically came a cropper several times in the Summer Term. Can you work out what Sebastian was pulled up for in each activity, when the offences occurred, and with what dire consequences?

Week of Term Activity Consequence

1st week week 3rd week 4th week 5th week 6th English lesson parade RAF lesson Organ Social Prayers rehearsal Play out Sent Set an essay morning Early session Had to apologise look stern Given

Munched pain

au chocolat

20 seconds late

wore check

pyjamas Persistent

Misdemeanour smiling

Taking notes

Sent out

Set an essay

Early morning

session

Consequence Had to apologise

Given stern look

English lesson

RAF parade

Organ lesson Activity Social Prayers

Play rehearsal 3. One week after he was caught scribbling furiously in a little

black notebook in English (‘Now I know why I’m always in the

Overheard column, Sebastian!’ said JMF-B) he was spotted

THE CLUES scoffing a cheeky pain au chocolat in the wings during a rehearsal

of the College play Some Nice People. This did not result in an 1. The RAF parade, with a visiting Air Chief Marshal in early appointment the next day (it’s well known, of course, that attendance, happened in the third week of term to celebrate ten the acting profession doesn’t do mornings). years of the Model Airplane Club. Sebastian wasn’t let off with just an apology this time, and he hadn’t, thankfully, been sporting 4. All through one particular commitment Sebastian could not on this occasion his favourite pair of red-checked Radley pyjamas, help himself smiling at the don’s immaculate white beagling kit; or the RSM might well have said something much ruder… he was promptly set an essay on 17th century French organ music.

2. His Tutor sent him out of Social Prayers mid-way through This incident, however, did not happen in the fifth week of term, but can you probably guess who the don concerned was. playing the hymn, so serious was that particular offence… this episode happened three weeks later than the occasion on which he 5. It was in the fourth week of the term that our hero was given a was a whole 20 seconds late for another engagement. very stern look indeed for yet another heinous offence… 55 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

CORRESPONDENCE Correspondence is invited from any interested parties: please send contributions via email to [email protected]. Correspondents are welcome to use a pseudonym but must make their identity known to the Editors. To the editors of ‘The Radley College Chronicle’ any others that you think qualify as simple. Then measure the waste against the normal amount per Dear Sirs, week, and if there is less waste, boys clearly prefer the I would like to make a point through this medium simple food. because I feel that SMAC is really quite ineffective at Please note that I am trying not to be aggressive here, dealing with our feedback. The issue of the type of but merely suggesting improvements which may food that we boys prefer has arisen time and time enhance our dining experiences. again at SMAC meetings but many of us have noticed little change. I have several points which I urge you to Perhaps there could be some sort of response to this read carefully: letter in the final issue of term? Yours, 1. We just want simple food. Yes, SIMPLE. We do not mind if there is less variety, as long as what there is is ‘DUSTER’ enjoyable. Hot, filling, easy-to-eat meals are what people like: lasagne; shepherd’s pie; spaghetti Dear Sirs, bolognese; chicken Kiev; Caesar salad; spaghetti carbonara – you know the sort of thing. I was amused to see AJM’s remark that ‘Queues... are a sure sign that the market has not found its 2. People do not eat such things as pork chops because equilibrium’. Are we to understand, then, that the there is little meat on them, and also because they are reason Radley has such a long waiting list is because usually in contact with some form of pineapple. our fees are not yet high enough? 3. Why can’t breakfasts just be egg, bacon or sausages, Yours faithfully, and fried bread every day? By trying to vary the menu simply for the sake of variety we get, frankly, silly ‘OLIGARCH’ combinations of fried bread, eggy bread and croissants (this morning). Again, keep it simple! (Although I Dear Sirs, must admit breakfast is still, on average, the best meal here, as a Chronicle poll showed, and that is because it While it was lovely to see such a glowing review of is in the nature of breakfast food to be simple). the St John’s, Smith Square concert in the latest Chronicle [Vol VII no. 1], I think I speak for the 4. For most of us, meals are just a way of getting fuel Music Department in general in earnestly hoping that for getting through the day – we do not expect five star it is not to become biannual – I think a biennial event restaurant-standard food; what we would much rather is quite enough, really. prefer is the simple, basic food that tastes good. Confused readers are referred to their nearest English 5. Waste would be hugely reduced if what we take dictionary, where they will find the two words defined. from the counter is enjoyed, as then boys will finish their food more often. Yours faithfully, Finally, might I request an experiment to prove these ‘NIMROD’ points? Call one week this term a ‘Simple Week’, and include these sorts of foods mentioned, and of course, 56 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 Dear Sirs, Dear Sirs, While reading The Times recently I stumbled upon an I, being a Radleian, go to Chapel every day. On article on sleep, possibly applicable to all Radleians. Monday, after a particularly good musical More importantly, in fact, it was about teenage, performance, it felt unnatural not to applaud the player adolescent perhaps, napping extensions. Rather on his performance, just as we would in Silk Hall or wonderful ideas were expressed, which I feel anywhere else. I would just like to extend a thank you necessary to share with the rest of the school. to all musicians who have played in Chapel and an acknowledgement of the effort of how long it takes to It stated that a teenager’s natural body clock has been learn and perform a piece well. delayed by about two hours – this in essence means that when adults are going to sleep at 10 o’clock, Yours, teenagers prefer to kip at 12 o’clock; thus it follows on ‘A REMOVE’ logically to say that teenagers will sleep for two extra hours in the morning to compensate for this. They are, Dear Sirs, therefore, suffering from a constant ‘jet lag’, which is I must take issue with the claim made in ‘Hard one of the reasons why they are grumpy early in the Science’ that ‘Smart people do Science precisely morning. However, my favourite line in the article, because it isn’t that hard to them.’ The implicit announced by Martin Ralph, of the University of assumption of the article in general, and this sentence Toronto, is, ‘Schools and universities should ideally in particular, is that smart people do Science – dunces start not before 11am’. do Arts, because they can’t understand Science. Perfect... I think we should all conduct a test on I am sorry to point out to the author (whom I strongly Monday morning by taking a triple study period, and suspect of being a Physicist) that actually, many smart then we’ll see how much more jolly we all are! people do Arts ‘precisely because [Science] isn’t that Yours, probably now in disgrace, hard to them’ – in fact, we find it rather boring. Indeed, many scientists seem to choose that line of ‘KIPPER’ work because they find understanding feelings and

nuances rather tricky. Dear Sirs, And we artists don’t find global warming hard to It might be of interest to the more free-spirited understand, either – we have just learned to take the members of VI.2 to know that forcing adults, or boys doom-mongering of scientists with a pinch of salt, over 18, to attend Chapel is a breach of the UK’s after the failure of numerous environmental disasters Human Rights Act 1998, a nice little piece of to kill us all in the past. (Whatever did happen to Bird legislation that allows us: Flu, by the way, or Mad Cow Disease? Where is the 1. freedom to thought, conscience and religion Ice Age I was promised at school?) 2. freedom of expression Yours faithfully, 3. the right not to be discriminated against in respect ‘AN ARTIST (WITH BRAINS)’ of these rights and freedoms So I suppose – in theory at least – once you turn 18 Dear Sirs, (throwing off the shackles of the school in loco When can we expect to see the removal at last of the parentis) you can prosecute your Tutor for forcing you prefabricated eyesores (formerly the Biology up the aisle each evening on the basis that you have department) attached like a wart to the Chemistry the right to believe what you want, the freedom to department? I am told that their removal was first expression of those beliefs (so long as this does not promised in 1997, before the Queen came to open the stop others from exercising their rights – no naked sit- Doughnut; and it has been repeatedly promised since. in protests then) and protection from those who would That promise was then withdrawn when the College have you think otherwise... found another ‘temporary’ use for them. So basically, you don’t legally have to go and if dons They are apparently supposed to go when the new punish you for it, you’re able to prosecute them for dons’ houses are finished – or so the plans which the breaching your human rights. I’m going to tell the local council approved say, at least – but they are still RSM this, next time I see him. No, I am. very much alive and well. Yours, Could we celebrate the 10th anniversary of the Biologists moving out by razing them to the ground, ‘M LUTHER’ please? Yours, ‘EYESORE’ 57 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

CRICKET: RESULTS IN BRIEF

1st XI 3rd XI Saturday 19 May Saturday 21 April Saturday 21 April v Marlborough (A) v Cheltenham (H) v Cheltenham (A) 143/7, Marlborough 141 all out 228/7, Cheltenham 171/6 207/6, Cheltenham 202/9 Radley won by 2 runs Match drawn Radley won by 5 runs

Sunday 22 April Saturday 28 April COLTS 2nd XI v Rugby (A) v Eton (H) Saturday 21 April 198/7 dec., Rugby 152/9 166 all out, Eton 178/8 v Cheltenham (H) Match drawn Radley lost by 12 runs 111/6, Cheltenham 110 all out Radley won by 4 wickets Saturday 28 April Thursday 3 May v Eton (H) v St Edward’s (A) Saturday 28 April 153 all out, Eton 154/6 263/6, St Edward’s 142/9 v Eton (A) Radley lost by 4 wickets Radley won by 121 runs 89 all out, Eton 190/4 Radley lost by 101 runs Thursday 3 May Saturday 5 May v St Edward’s (H) v Bradfield (H) Thursday 3 May 198/7, St Edward’s 184/9 Match cancelled v St Edward’s (A) Radley won by 14 runs 255/6, St Edward’s 136 all out Saturday 12 May Radley won by 119 runs Saturday 5 May v Stowe (A) v Bradfield (A) Match abandoned Saturday 12 May 223/4, Bradfield 219 all out v Stowe (H) Saturday 19 May Radley won by 6 wickets Rain prevented play v Marlborough (H) Saturday 12 May 155/8, Marlborough 122 all out Saturday 19 May v Stowe (A) Radley won by 33 runs v Marlborough (A) 148/6, Stowe 149/7 144/4, Marlborough 143 all out

Radley lost by 3 wickets Radley won by 6 wickets 4th XI Saturday 19 May Saturday 21 April v Marlborough (H) v Cheltenham (H) COLTS 3rd XI 113/9, Marlborough 112 all out 189/7, Cheltenham 135 all out Saturday 28 April Radley won by 1 wicket Radley won by 54 runs v Eton (A) 86 all out, Eton 87/4 Saturday 28 April Radley lost by 6 wickets 2nd XI v Eton (H) Saturday 21 April 174 all out, Eton 106 all out Thursday 3 May v Cheltenham (A) Radley won by 68 runs v Marlborough (H) 271/8, Cheltenham 250 all out 117 all out, Marlborough 163/9 Saturday 5 May Radley won by 21 runs Radley lost by 46 runs v Aldworth C.C. (A) Saturday 28 April 248 all out, Aldworth 81/9 Saturday 19 May v Eton (A) Match drawn v Marlborough (A) 155 all out, Eton 190/9 130/5, Marlborough 110 all out Saturday 19 May Radley lost by 35 runs Radley won by 5 wickets v Marlborough (H)

Thursday 3 May 119/3, Marlborough 117 all out

v St Edward’s (A) Radley won by 7 wickets 199 all out, St Edward’s 148 all out Junior Colts 1st XI Radley won by 51 runs Saturday 21 April Colts 1st XI v Cheltenham (A) Saturday 5 May Saturday 21 April 117/5, Cheltenham 116 all out v Bradfield (H) v Cheltenham (H) Radley won by 5 wickets 202/8, Bradfield 83 all out 113 all out, Cheltenham 185/5 Saturday 28 April Radley won by 119 runs Radley lost by 72 runs

v Eton (H) Saturday 12 May Thursday 3 May 94 all out, Eton 124 all out v Pangbourne (H) v St Edward’s (A) Radley lost by 30 runs Match abandoned 199/5, St Edward’s 140 all out Thursday 3 May Saturday 19 May Radley won by 59 runs v St Edward’s (H) v Marlborough (A) Saturday 5 May 196/7, v St Edward’s 118/8 121 all out, Marlborough 82 all out v Bradfield (H) Radley won by 78 runs Radley won by 39 runs 175 all out, Bradfield 139 all out Saturday 5 May Radley won by 36 runs v Bradfield (H) Saturday 12 May 86/5, Bradfield 85 all out v Stowe (H) Radley won by 5 wickets Match abandoned Saturday 12 May v Stowe (A) Match abandoned 58 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 6 June 2007 Saturday 28 April Saturday 19 May MIDGETS 3rd XI v Eton (A) v Marlborough (A) Saturday 28 April 82 all out, Eton 83/2 102/2, Marlborough 101 all out v Eton (H) Radley lost by 8 wickets 215/5, V Eton 210 all out Radley won by 8 wickets Thursday 3 May Radley won by 5 runs

v Marlborough (H) JUNIOR COLTS 2nd XI Thursday 3 May 141/8, Marlborough 145/7 v St Edward’s (H) Saturday 21 April Radley lost by 3 wickets 270/2, St Edward’s 49 all out v Cheltenham (A) Saturday 12 May Radley won by 8 wickets 156/8, Cheltenham 155/6 Radley won by 2 wickets v Stowe (A) Saturday 12 May Rain prevented play v Stowe (H) Saturday 28 April Saturday 19 May Rain prevented play v Eton (H) 147 all out, Eton 170/7 v Marlborough (A) Saturday 19 May Radley lost by 23 runs 158 all out, Marlborough 40 all out v Marlborough (H) Radley won by 118 runs 168/1, Marlborough 167 all out Thursday 3 May Radley won by 9 wickets v St Edward’s (A)

289/6, St Edward’s 80 all out Midgets 1st XI Radley won by 209 runs Saturday 28 April MIDGETS 4th XI v Eton (A) Saturday 5 May Saturday 28 April 114/4, Eton 110 all out v Bradfield (H) v Eton (A) Radley won by 6 wickets 138/9, Eton 142/9 138/1, Bradfield 135/6 Radley won by 9 wickets Thursday 3 May Radley lost by 4 runs

v St Edward’s (H) Saturday 12 May Saturday 5 May 154/8, St Edward’s 48 all out v Pangbourne (H) v Bradfield (A) Radley won by 106 runs 144/3, Bradfield 143 all out Match abandoned Saturday 5 May Radley won by 7 wickets Saturday 19 May v Bradfield (A) v Marlborough (A) Saturday 12 May 103/7, Bradfield 99 all out 109/6, Marlborough 108 all out v Stowe (H) Radley won by 3 wickets Rain prevented play Radley won by 4 wickets

Saturday 12 May Saturday 19 May v Stowe (A) JUNIOR COLTS 3rd XI v Marlborough (H) Match abandoned 179/7, Marlborough 73 all out Saturday 28 April Saturday 19 May Radley won by 106 runs v Eton (H) 167 all out, Eton 190 all out v Marlborough (H) Radley lost by 23 runs 115/4, Marlborough 114/9 MIDGETS 5th XI

Radley won by 5 wickets Thursday 3 May Saturday 28 April v St Edward’s (A) v Eton (A) 179 all out, St Edward’s 55 all out MIDGETS 2nd XI 138 all out, Eton 150/7 Radley won by 124 runs Saturday 28 April Radley lost by 12 runs

v Eton (H) Saturday 5 May Thursday 3 May 194/6, Eton 120/8 v Bradfield (H) v Marlborough (H) Match drawn 115/3, Marlborough 114 all out 220/8, Bradfield 58 all out Radley won by 162 runs Thursday 3 May Radley won by 7 wickets

v St Edward’s (H) Saturday 12 May Saturday 5 May 127/0, St Edward’s 125 all out v Stowe (A) v Bradfield (A) Radley won by 10 wickets 77/0, Bradfield 75 all out Rain prevented play Saturday 5 May Radley won by 10 wickets Saturday 19 May v Bradfield (A) v Marlborough (A) Saturday 19 May 53/1, Bradfield 50 all out 125 all out, Marlborough 127/9 v Marlborough (H) Radley won by 9 wickets 222/6, Marlborough 38 all out Radley lost by 1 wicket Saturday 12 May Radley won by 184 runs v Pangbourne (H)

JUNIOR COLTS 4th XI Match abandoned Saturday 21 April MIDGETS 6th XI v Cheltenham (A) Saturday 19 May Saturday 28 April 176/5, Cheltenham 90 all out v Marlborough (H) v Eton (A) Radley won by 86 runs 161/8, Marlborough 74 all out 152 all out, Eton 147 all out Radley won by 2 wickets Radley won by 5 runs

We need match reports for all teams and crews. If you would like to write up a match, or become a regular Chronicle Sports reporter, please get in touch. All copy welcome, however brief. .

59 6 June 2007 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE CRICKET LEAGUE TABLE INDEX The table includes all results up to Leave Away Vol. VII No. 2 6 June 2007

Team Played Won Drawn Lost Points 2nd XI 5 4 - 1 12 In Creating the Chronicle 29 JC 1 5 4 - 1 12 A Poll on Elections 30 Overheard… (1) 30 JC 2 5 4 - 1 12 Social Stereotypes No. 9. – the Theatre Techie 31 Midgets 1 4 4 - - 12 The Warden’s Music 32 1st XI 7 3 2 2 11 Guns Don’t Kill People 33 3rd XI 4 3 - 1 9 Yellow Pages – a birthday poem 33 Barcelona trip 34 4 XI 3 3 - - 9 Thugs by Association 35 Colts 1 4 3 - 1 9 The Don’s Revue 36 Colts 2 4 3 - 1 9 The Piano Man – AS Drama piece 37 Midgets 2 3 3 - - 9 Diary of a Marathon Runner 38 Ten Radley Clichés 39 Midgets 3 3 3 - - 9 The Shells in Normandy 40 Midgets 5 4 3 - 1 9 Overheard… (2) 41 JC 3 4 2 - 2 6 Confound their Politics (2) 42 JC 4 4 2 - 2 6 Oliver Twist – Remove Play 43 Midgets 4 3 2 - 1 6 Three Albums every Radleian should own (2) 44 Non Nobis, Domine – Hymns CD advert 45 Colts 3 3 1 - 2 3 Desert Island Dons No. 4 – DCKE 46 Midgets 6 1 1 - - 3 All about Me – LAKH’s Art Exhibition 47 The Witches – C Social Play 48 The scoring: a win – 3 points, a draw – 1, a loss – 0. May Morning Madrigals 49 Bent – A2 Drama pieces 50 EDITORS Leaver’s Recital – James Fryer 50 Alex Easdale (A), Will Baker (B), Max Blanshard (B), Here & There 51 Will Symington (B), Asa Bennett (C), Ben Sheen (C), Social Barbeque Reviews – Part One 52 David Wynne-Griffiths (D), Freddie Tapner (F), A Tutor’s Diary Quiz 53 Henry Woodward-Fisher (G), Noah Assheton (H), Minutes of SMAC meetings 54 Alex Chadwick (H), Chris Taylor (H), Midsummer Misdemeanours – Logic Problem 55 Jamie Crole (H), Correspondence 56 Mr Luke Bartlett and Mr Ian Yorston. Cricket: Results in Brief 58 Cricket League Table 60 If any Radleian is interested in writing for the The illustrations on pages 29, 45, 49, 54 & 56 are by Adrian Pascu Chronicle, becoming an Editor or working on the (OR); those on pages 29 & 31 are by Arthur Laidlaw (H); the layout and illustrations, please contact LB or ISY. cartoons on pages 34, 35, 41 & 48 are by Oliver Mann (D) and the illustration on page 32 is by Hugh Brunt (OR).

ASSISTANT EDITORS Please recycle this issue once you have finished Alex Wise (C), Archie Manners (C), reading it – either by leaving your copy in good Jamie Randall (C), Rory Stallibrass (C), Ollie condition for others to read, or by putting it in a paper Mann (D), Felix Neate (E) & Arthur Laidlaw (H). recycling bin.

CONTRIBUTORS For those who are interested, editions of the Chronicle are compiled and edited on Notepad and typeset on Rory Robinson (F), George Lines (B), Charlie Palmer Microsoft Word. At 32 pages this is our longest issue (B) & Cern Ho (E). published so far, containing 20, 423 words.

Contributions and correspondence on any topic are welcomed from all current or former members of the Radley community: please send to [email protected] or to ‘The Editors, The Chronicle, Radley College, Abingdon, Oxon. OX14 2HR’. The Gaudy Issue will be published in the last week of term. The deadline for copy and letters is Wednesday 27 June. © Radley College 2007. Printed by Radley Reprographics 60