The Love Spell 5 Breathing Quick and Shallow, As His Tongue and Teeth and Lips Found My Nipples
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24227_ch00.i-v.qxd 10/28/04 1:08 PM Page v The Love• Spell AN EROTIC MEMOIR OF SPIRITUAL AWAKENING Phyllis Curott GOTHAM BOOKS Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc. 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A. Penguin Group (Canada), 10 Alcorn Avenue, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4V 3B2 (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.); Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England; Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd); Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd); Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi—110 017, India; Penguin Group (NZ), Cnr Airborne and Rosedale Roads, Albany, Auckland, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd); Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Published by Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Copyright © 2005 by Phyllis Curott All rights reserved Gotham Books and the skyscraper logo are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. MSR ISBN 0-7865-5372-3 AEB ISBN 0-7865-5373-1 Set in Fournier Designed by Jennifer Ann Daddio Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated. Making or distributing electronic copies of this book constitutes copyright infringement and could subject the infringer to criminal and civil liability. www.penguin.com 24227_ch00.vi-xii.qxd 10/28/04 1:09 PM Page vii For You and for all those who believe in the magic of love . Ever since I heard my first love story I began looking for you, not realizing how futile that is. Lovers don’t finally just meet somewhere; they are in each other all along. —RAINER MARIA RILKE 24227_ch00.vi-xii.qxd 10/28/04 1:09 PM Page viii 24227_ch00.vi-xii.qxd 10/28/04 1:09 PM Page ix • Acknowledgments My heartfelt thanks to the remarkable Lauren Marino and Bill Shinker of Gotham Books for their continuing support—I am blessed by a long-standing and creative relationship with editor and publisher. I am eternally grateful to my agent, Cullen Stanley, who is just simply the best. Allyson Peltier was my gift from the Goddess who generously gave her time, invaluable advice and loving encouragement. Nancy Peske pro- vided insightful assistance. My thanks also to Hilary Terrell and all the folks at Gotham Books and to my many foreign publishers and all those who so kindly gave quotes for the book’s jacket. The Elders of the Tradi- tion and Temple of Ara, Charles Boyce, Linda Maglionico, Kirsten Rost- edt and Allyson Peltier; the Temple’s initiates and members; my beloved Thirteen Circles of Aradia in Italy; and countless readers around the world remind me why I write, and have sustained me with love and filled me with gratitude. I am blessed with the love and encouragement of many dear friends, some of whom were particularly generous readers—I single 24227_ch00.vi-xii.qxd 10/28/04 1:09 PM Page x x Acknowledgments them out for embarrassing thanks: Janice Garrimoni, Giampaolo Gianese, Maurizia Merati, Barbara Bacelli, David Marre, Fiona Horne, Janet Farrar, Gavin Bone, Ray Buckland and Angie Buchanan. Henry Jaglom appeared as if by magic and changed my life—something he has done for countless other women who struggle to be heard and seen—I will always treasure our friendship. I send my heart to the sisters of my first circle who may recognize certain elements of themselves honored within these pages. I am deeply grateful to the men I have loved and who have loved me. Both the good and the difficult were gifts that I will always treasure, as I will always cherish you. I hope you will see and feel that in these pages. And finally, of course, my sweet and steady heartbeat—Webster. 24227_ch00.vi-xii.qxd 10/28/04 1:09 PM Page xi • Contents Acknowledgments ix The First Spell 1. Longing 3 2. Mysteries 27 The Second Spell 3. Casting 53 4. Desire 75 5. Enchantment 97 24227_ch00.vi-xii.qxd 10/28/04 1:09 PM Page xii 6. A New God 120 7. Fantasies 140 8. Perfect Love and Perfect Trust 159 9. Spellbound 178 10. Breaking the Spell 198 11. Dark Desires 216 12. Freedom 239 13. Pleasure 262 14. The Great Rite 287 The Final Spell 15. Love 313 Appendix 337 Books of Interest 349 24227_ch01.qxd 10/28/04 1:13 PM Page 1 The• First Spell 24227_ch01.qxd 10/28/04 1:13 PM Page 2 24227_ch01.qxd 10/28/04 1:13 PM Page 3 .1. • Longing One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes. —ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY How do you know when it’s real? I glanced over to find him smiling at me. I smiled back. He pulled his old Scout off the old gravel road, bumping along the tractor path at the edge of the field. I laughed as I bounced in my seat, and then he stopped the car and turned the engine off. We sat in the startlingly silent, sudden darkness. His arm reached around my shoulders, heavy, warm and undeniable. “Oh, look!” I whispered. Thousands of fireflies, each a quick flare of hope searching for its perfect other, hovered in the air. He got out and opened my door. I took his hand and he eased me around so that my back was pressed against the warm hood of the car. “Beautiful,” he said softly. The air was a potion of plowed earth and wildflowers. “Yes, it’s a gor- geous night.” I leaned back, looking from the shimmering field to the star- sprinkled sky. 24227_ch01.qxd 10/28/04 1:13 PM Page 4 4 Phyllis Curott “That too,” he said with a soft, half laugh. He was handsome in a rugged, old world sort of way, weathered as much by wisdom as work done out-of-doors, with a square jaw and firm mouth; his nose was aquiline and he needed a shave. His hair was dark and curly, ruffled by the wind; he reached a hand up and dragged quickly through it. It was a large hand, and callused. His eyes were as dark as his hair, with deep lines run- ning from their corners, a furrow between his brow. But it was the steadi- ness of their gaze, the way they held me fast that made my heart stumble. I blushed in the dark. He moved closer, laying his palms on either side of me on the car’s hood. I felt the blaze of heat rising as he edged closer— explicit, unadulterated, animal attraction. It was more. He pressed against me, his lips brushing the side of my neck, whisper- ing softly in my ear. The shell that held me together shattered. His hand curved around the small of my back, slipping beneath my blouse, fingers rough like flint against my skin, leaving trails of fire. His lips came to mine, with fire and greed as if he couldn’t get enough, and all I could do was believe, and feel. It was the first time he’d kissed me like that. More. I wanted more of his recklessness, his fever. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back as I drew him into me. I softened and let go, falling backward into a whirlpool of wanting. Dizzy, overwhelmed and overloaded with sensation, I tried to pull away, but he followed, pressing forward, pursuing and holding me close. “Oh!” I gasped as he suddenly gripped my waist, lifting me off my feet and seating me on the car’s hood. He leaned into me, spreading my legs as he stood between them. Heat radiated from his body; I rested my hands on his chest, feeling its hardness, his strength. His hands cradled my face and this time the kiss was soft and slow, ruthless and persuasive. His hands ran up and down my bare arms, and I shivered as I began to burn. He pulled me tight to him, bit my neck softly, kissed, lingering, nuz- zling, his breath hot; my defenses crumbled and I let myself be swept away. He cupped my breasts, groaning as I tugged his shirt from his jeans and my hands slid along his waist. We kissed and clutched wildly, as if gasping for air, starving for the fire that rushed through us, that fueled a deeper hunger. He tugged the bra from my breasts. Need plunged through me as he rubbed and stroked and squeezed. My hands fisted in his hair, my head fell back and I trembled, 24227_ch01.qxd 10/28/04 1:13 PM Page 5 The Love Spell 5 breathing quick and shallow, as his tongue and teeth and lips found my nipples.