Monochromatic, Skywriter Editing/Assistance: Aquaman
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A MATTER OF PRINCIPALS Lead Author: Horizon Contributing Authors: Monochromatic, Skywriter Editing/Assistance: Aquaman For Bronycon 2019 Final: 2019-07-25 [public version 2019-12] READING INSTRUCTIONS: THIS IS WRITTEN AS A RADIO PLAY. STAGE DIRECTIONS ARE TO BE FOLLOWED, NOT READ OUT LOUD. THEY ARE GUIDANCE FOR LINES, OR CUES FOR VISUAL OR INTERACTIVE GAGS WHICH TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE IN-PERSON AUDIENCE. INT. CANTERLOT HIGH GYMNASIUM - DAY NARRATOR One day, in the Canterlot High gymnasium... SUNSET SHIMMER Great work, everybody! We're almost done! PINKIE PIE Woo-hoo! This is going to be the best graduation party EVER! SUNSET SHIMMER Rainbow Dash? Applejack? Keep posting those flyers directing everyone to the gym. RAINBOW DASH You bet, Sunset! APPLEJACK Sure thing! SUNSET SHIMMER Rarity, those decorations look AMAZING. RARITY Thank you, darling! SUNSET SHIMMER Fluttershy, you... just keep working on that singing pigeon chorus. FLUTTERSHY I'm helping! SUNSET SHIMMER Awesome. Pinkie Pie, let's go over everyone's RSVPs. 2. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA [ALUMX] Is there anything I can do to help? HUMANE SIX Principal Celestia! ALL THE VOICE ACTORS pause for a moment and look down the table at NICOLE OLIVER, who SHRUGS. SUNSET SHIMMER We're good, thanks. But, uhh... is everything alright? You sound kind of funny. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA Oh, I just got over a cold. But I know how important this party is to my star pupils. If there's anything you need, let me know. APPLEJACK Sure thing. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA And I just wanted to say... I'm so proud of you all. You've come such a long way. Especially you, Sunset. SUNSET SHIMMER (stunned) Thank you. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA See you around. FLUTTERSHY Well, that was nice of her. Beat. RAINBOW DASH Air traffic control to Sunset? Hello? SUNSET SHIMMER (startled) Oh! Uh, sorry. RARITY Is something the matter, darling? 3. SUNSET SHIMMER No! I'm fine. It's just... once upon a time, I would have done anything to hear that from Celestia. (beat) The drinks! Oh gosh, I forgot to put the soda order in! PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] Is there anything I can do to help? HUMANE SIX Principal Celestia...??!? PRINCESS CELESTIA Yes! Just an ordinary principal, here to visit my star pupil. (beat) Pupils. Ha-ha. CELESTIA smiles amid awkward silence. PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) So. Um... if there's anything you need, let me know. APPLEJACK ... Sure... thing. PRINCESS CELESTIA See you around. Beat. RAINBOW DASH Awwww yeah! Graduation party changeling invasion! SUNSET SHIMMER (loud sigh) MY LITTLE PONY THEME SONG plays. INT. FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY NARRATOR A short time later! 4. FLUTTERSHY (whispering) There she is, up by the counter. RAINBOW DASH (whispering) Yes! Time to kick some changeling butt! RARITY (whispering) Rainbow Dash, what is a changeling, and why must you insist on fighting it? RAINBOW DASH (whispering) I see SOMEBODY was busy painting their nails last slumber party instead of listening to Princess Twilight talk about home. PINKIE PIE (stage-whispering) Ooh, it looks like she's doing one of those villain monologue things where she talks about her evil plan. SUNSET SHIMMER (whispering) Let's see if we can sneak closer in. PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] (laughing sadly) Well, that didn't work. FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE Ma'am? PRINCESS CELESTIA I should have known Sunset would be too busy to talk to me. I shouldn't have even come. But now that Twilight and her friends are running Equestria, and Luna and I have finished our vacation, I... just don't have anything to do. FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE Ma'am. 5. PRINCESS CELESTIA I can't even go back to teaching. Three generations I ran Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Three generations! And in the span of a single year it's had accreditation problems, declining enrollment, a Smooze flood... okay, that one was basically my fault. But I can't even try to fix things because now it's getting merged with Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship. A/V: Gentle, sweet VIOLIN MUSIC plays in background, as if this is building up to a musical number. PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Is that it, after all these years? Is there no more good I can do? Has the world moved on? Am I... washed up? FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE Ma'am! VIOLIN MUSIC stops. FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE (CONT'D) Ma'am, this is a Wendy's. PRINCESS CELESTIA (awkwardly) Oh. I'm sorry. I-– Beat. PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Sunset Shimmer? PINKIE PIE (gasps) We've been made! RAINBOW DASH Get the changeling! 6. SUNSET SHIMMER Hold ON, Dash! (to CELESTIA) First, let's see who you really are! REBECCA SHOICHET grabs NICOLE OLIVER'S hand and holds it up. Beat. PRINCESS CELESTIA What's she doing? PINKIE PIE Oh, just using her special magical empathy powers to look inside your brain and learn what we'd already know if we'd been close enough to hear your exposition. SUNSET SHIMMER gasps, letting go of CELESTIA. SUNSET SHIMMER Princess! PRINCESS CELESTIA Sunset? SUNSET SHIMMER I'm so sorry. I didn't know things were so hard for you. (refocusing) Girls? This is Princess Celestia, from the far side of the portal. A very special pony... and my old teacher. RAINBOW DASH Not a changeling? SUNSET SHIMMER NO, Dash. RAINBOW DASH Ugh. 7. SUNSET SHIMMER (To MANE FIVE) Would you girls be willing to set up the graduation party without me? So the Princess and I can spend some time together? PRINCESS CELESTIA You'd do that for me? SUNSET SHIMMER Of course! The last time I visited Equestria, all we got to do was talk. Maybe you could take me around Canterlot and show me all the things you've done since I've left? You... SUNSET SHIMMER smiles, her emotions warring. SUNSET SHIMMER (CONT'D) ...must have so much to be proud of. PRINCESS CELESTIA I'd love that. RARITY Aww, how sweet. Sunset, darling, of COURSE we can finish without you. APPLEJACK Except for the soda order. SUNSET SHIMMER That's right! Shoot. (To CELESTIA) Wait right here! I'll go grab my wallet, text that order in, and then we'll head to Equestria. PRINCESS CELESTIA Certainly! Take whatever time you need to... er... "text". INT. CANTERLOT HIGH GYMNASIUM - DAY NARRATOR Twenty minutes later, back at the school gym! 8. PINKIE PIE Graduation cake incoming! RARITY Not yet, darling! The tablecloths aren't straight! FLUTTERSHY Rainbow Dash? Could you move that banner three feet to the right? RAINBOW DASH I can't hear you from up here. FLUTTERSHY (pointing) Banner. Three feet right. RAINBOW DASH Louder! FLUTTERSHY Three feet right. RAINBOW DASH Louder! FLUTTERSHY loudly inhales. APPLEJACK (shouting) She said three feet right. Beat. FLUTTERSHY (squeaks) RAINBOW DASH Geez, AJ, no need to shout. RARITY Oh! Yoo-hoo, Principal Celestia! I'm glad you're back-–we're running a teensy bit behind. Could I get a hand with these bouquets? The VOICE ACTORS look expectantly at ALUMX. 9. PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] Certainly, but I may not be here for long. Beat. PINKIE PIE Uh-oh. You sound like a princess. PRINCESS CELESTIA I hate to interrupt you, but did Sunset Shimmer ever finish her order of the "texting"? RARITY I don't quite know how to break it to you, Your Highness. But you and Sunset Shimmer went back to Equestria ten minutes ago. PRINCESS CELESTIA Oh. Beat. Then PRINCESS CELESTIA laughs. PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Is that supposed to be a PROBLEM? There are multiple portals to Equestria permanently open these days. I'll just go back through and-– MAYOR MARE's Equestria Girls counterpart, a SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR, appears. ADMINISTRATOR MARE [CATHY] Principal Celestia! HUMANE FIVE Administrator Mare! ADMINISTRATOR MARE Thank goodness I found you. Canterlot High has a PROBLEM! PRINCESS CELESTIA A problem? (Suddenly excited) With a SCHOOL? ADMINISTRATOR MARE Yes! The school board is here! 10. RARITY Miss Mare! I realize this is urgent, but could the... ah... "Principal" and I have a moment, please? PRINCESS CELESTIA No, no, it's alright! I'm sure Sunset will understand a few minutes' delay if there are people who need me. (To SCHOOLTEACHER) Lead on, Miss Mare. You have no idea how excited I am to be able to help. ADMINISTRATOR MARE Great. This way! Beat. APPLEJACK This is going to be one of THOSE days, ain't it? RARITY Celestia is a princess in the other world, isn't she? I'm certain she can take care of herself. RAINBOW DASH Yeah, she must beat up all the monsters that even Twilight couldn't handle. FLUTTERSHY You know, Equestria IS pretty dangerous. I hope Principal Celestia is okay. INT. FRIENDSHIP PALACE BASEMENT - DAY NARRATOR Meanwhile, in Equestria! 11. SUNSET SHIMMER Whoo, ha-ha! You know, I go through the portal so often these days that I don't have to adjust to being a pony any more. Shall we head to Canterlot? (beat) Princess? PRINCIPAL CELESTIA [ALUMX] AAAAA!! PONY FACE!! SUNSET SHIMMER (drily) Well, THAT'S something I wasn't expecting to hear twice in a row. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA ALL MY THINGS ARE HORSE THINGS! SUNSET SHIMMER O-Kay! Calm down, Principal Celestia. It's alright. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA HOW IS IT ALRIGHT. SUNSET SHIMMER This is Equestria! Where I come from. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA WHY AM I A HORSE. SUNSET SHIMMER An "alicorn". Your counterpart here is the princess who uses her magic to raise the sun every morning. PRINCIPAL CELESTIA (Slowly calming down) ...MAGIC horse? SUNSET SHIMMER Yeah. Equestria's where the magic comes from that the girls and I save the school with.