A MATTER OF PRINCIPALS
Lead Author: Horizon
Contributing Authors: Monochromatic, Skywriter Editing/Assistance: Aquaman
For Bronycon 2019
Final: 2019-07-25 [public version 2019-12]
READING INSTRUCTIONS: THIS IS WRITTEN AS A RADIO PLAY. STAGE DIRECTIONS ARE TO BE FOLLOWED, NOT READ OUT LOUD. THEY ARE GUIDANCE FOR LINES, OR CUES FOR VISUAL OR INTERACTIVE GAGS WHICH TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE IN-PERSON AUDIENCE.
INT. CANTERLOT HIGH GYMNASIUM - DAY
NARRATOR One day, in the Canterlot High gymnasium...
SUNSET SHIMMER Great work, everybody! We're almost done!
PINKIE PIE Woo-hoo! This is going to be the best graduation party EVER!
SUNSET SHIMMER Rainbow Dash? Applejack? Keep posting those flyers directing everyone to the gym.
RAINBOW DASH You bet, Sunset!
APPLEJACK Sure thing!
SUNSET SHIMMER Rarity, those decorations look AMAZING.
RARITY Thank you, darling!
SUNSET SHIMMER Fluttershy, you... just keep working on that singing pigeon chorus.
FLUTTERSHY I'm helping!
SUNSET SHIMMER Awesome. Pinkie Pie, let's go over everyone's RSVPs. 2.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA [ALUMX] Is there anything I can do to help?
HUMANE SIX Principal Celestia!
ALL THE VOICE ACTORS pause for a moment and look down the table at NICOLE OLIVER, who SHRUGS.
SUNSET SHIMMER We're good, thanks. But, uhh... is everything alright? You sound kind of funny.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA Oh, I just got over a cold. But I know how important this party is to my star pupils. If there's anything you need, let me know.
APPLEJACK Sure thing.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA And I just wanted to say... I'm so proud of you all. You've come such a long way. Especially you, Sunset.
SUNSET SHIMMER (stunned) Thank you.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA See you around.
FLUTTERSHY Well, that was nice of her.
Beat.
RAINBOW DASH Air traffic control to Sunset? Hello?
SUNSET SHIMMER (startled) Oh! Uh, sorry.
RARITY Is something the matter, darling? 3.
SUNSET SHIMMER No! I'm fine. It's just... once upon a time, I would have done anything to hear that from Celestia. (beat) The drinks! Oh gosh, I forgot to put the soda order in!
PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] Is there anything I can do to help?
HUMANE SIX Principal Celestia...??!?
PRINCESS CELESTIA Yes! Just an ordinary principal, here to visit my star pupil. (beat) Pupils. Ha-ha.
CELESTIA smiles amid awkward silence.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) So. Um... if there's anything you need, let me know.
APPLEJACK ... Sure... thing.
PRINCESS CELESTIA See you around.
Beat.
RAINBOW DASH Awwww yeah! Graduation party changeling invasion!
SUNSET SHIMMER (loud sigh)
MY LITTLE PONY THEME SONG plays.
INT. FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT - DAY
NARRATOR A short time later! 4.
FLUTTERSHY (whispering) There she is, up by the counter.
RAINBOW DASH (whispering) Yes! Time to kick some changeling butt!
RARITY (whispering) Rainbow Dash, what is a changeling, and why must you insist on fighting it?
RAINBOW DASH (whispering) I see SOMEBODY was busy painting their nails last slumber party instead of listening to Princess Twilight talk about home.
PINKIE PIE (stage-whispering) Ooh, it looks like she's doing one of those villain monologue things where she talks about her evil plan.
SUNSET SHIMMER (whispering) Let's see if we can sneak closer in.
PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] (laughing sadly) Well, that didn't work.
FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE Ma'am?
PRINCESS CELESTIA I should have known Sunset would be too busy to talk to me. I shouldn't have even come. But now that Twilight and her friends are running Equestria, and Luna and I have finished our vacation, I... just don't have anything to do.
FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE Ma'am. 5.
PRINCESS CELESTIA I can't even go back to teaching. Three generations I ran Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Three generations! And in the span of a single year it's had accreditation problems, declining enrollment, a Smooze flood... okay, that one was basically my fault. But I can't even try to fix things because now it's getting merged with Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship.
A/V: Gentle, sweet VIOLIN MUSIC plays in background, as if this is building up to a musical number.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Is that it, after all these years? Is there no more good I can do? Has the world moved on? Am I... washed up?
FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE Ma'am!
VIOLIN MUSIC stops.
FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE (CONT'D) Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (awkwardly) Oh. I'm sorry. I-–
Beat.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Sunset Shimmer?
PINKIE PIE (gasps) We've been made!
RAINBOW DASH Get the changeling! 6.
SUNSET SHIMMER Hold ON, Dash! (to CELESTIA) First, let's see who you really are!
REBECCA SHOICHET grabs NICOLE OLIVER'S hand and holds it up.
Beat.
PRINCESS CELESTIA What's she doing?
PINKIE PIE Oh, just using her special magical empathy powers to look inside your brain and learn what we'd already know if we'd been close enough to hear your exposition.
SUNSET SHIMMER gasps, letting go of CELESTIA.
SUNSET SHIMMER Princess!
PRINCESS CELESTIA Sunset?
SUNSET SHIMMER I'm so sorry. I didn't know things were so hard for you. (refocusing) Girls? This is Princess Celestia, from the far side of the portal. A very special pony... and my old teacher.
RAINBOW DASH Not a changeling?
SUNSET SHIMMER NO, Dash.
RAINBOW DASH Ugh. 7.
SUNSET SHIMMER (To MANE FIVE) Would you girls be willing to set up the graduation party without me? So the Princess and I can spend some time together?
PRINCESS CELESTIA You'd do that for me?
SUNSET SHIMMER Of course! The last time I visited Equestria, all we got to do was talk. Maybe you could take me around Canterlot and show me all the things you've done since I've left? You...
SUNSET SHIMMER smiles, her emotions warring.
SUNSET SHIMMER (CONT'D) ...must have so much to be proud of.
PRINCESS CELESTIA I'd love that.
RARITY Aww, how sweet. Sunset, darling, of COURSE we can finish without you.
APPLEJACK Except for the soda order.
SUNSET SHIMMER That's right! Shoot. (To CELESTIA) Wait right here! I'll go grab my wallet, text that order in, and then we'll head to Equestria.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Certainly! Take whatever time you need to... er... "text".
INT. CANTERLOT HIGH GYMNASIUM - DAY
NARRATOR Twenty minutes later, back at the school gym! 8.
PINKIE PIE Graduation cake incoming!
RARITY Not yet, darling! The tablecloths aren't straight!
FLUTTERSHY Rainbow Dash? Could you move that banner three feet to the right?
RAINBOW DASH I can't hear you from up here.
FLUTTERSHY (pointing) Banner. Three feet right.
RAINBOW DASH Louder!
FLUTTERSHY Three feet right.
RAINBOW DASH Louder!
FLUTTERSHY loudly inhales.
APPLEJACK (shouting) She said three feet right.
Beat.
FLUTTERSHY (squeaks)
RAINBOW DASH Geez, AJ, no need to shout.
RARITY Oh! Yoo-hoo, Principal Celestia! I'm glad you're back-–we're running a teensy bit behind. Could I get a hand with these bouquets?
The VOICE ACTORS look expectantly at ALUMX. 9.
PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] Certainly, but I may not be here for long.
Beat.
PINKIE PIE Uh-oh. You sound like a princess.
PRINCESS CELESTIA I hate to interrupt you, but did Sunset Shimmer ever finish her order of the "texting"?
RARITY I don't quite know how to break it to you, Your Highness. But you and Sunset Shimmer went back to Equestria ten minutes ago.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Oh.
Beat. Then PRINCESS CELESTIA laughs.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Is that supposed to be a PROBLEM? There are multiple portals to Equestria permanently open these days. I'll just go back through and-–
MAYOR MARE's Equestria Girls counterpart, a SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR, appears.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE [CATHY] Principal Celestia!
HUMANE FIVE Administrator Mare!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Thank goodness I found you. Canterlot High has a PROBLEM!
PRINCESS CELESTIA A problem? (Suddenly excited) With a SCHOOL?
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Yes! The school board is here! 10.
RARITY Miss Mare! I realize this is urgent, but could the... ah... "Principal" and I have a moment, please?
PRINCESS CELESTIA No, no, it's alright! I'm sure Sunset will understand a few minutes' delay if there are people who need me. (To SCHOOLTEACHER) Lead on, Miss Mare. You have no idea how excited I am to be able to help.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Great. This way!
Beat.
APPLEJACK This is going to be one of THOSE days, ain't it?
RARITY Celestia is a princess in the other world, isn't she? I'm certain she can take care of herself.
RAINBOW DASH Yeah, she must beat up all the monsters that even Twilight couldn't handle.
FLUTTERSHY You know, Equestria IS pretty dangerous. I hope Principal Celestia is okay.
INT. FRIENDSHIP PALACE BASEMENT - DAY
NARRATOR Meanwhile, in Equestria! 11.
SUNSET SHIMMER Whoo, ha-ha! You know, I go through the portal so often these days that I don't have to adjust to being a pony any more. Shall we head to Canterlot? (beat) Princess?
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA [ALUMX] AAAAA!! PONY FACE!!
SUNSET SHIMMER (drily) Well, THAT'S something I wasn't expecting to hear twice in a row.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA ALL MY THINGS ARE HORSE THINGS!
SUNSET SHIMMER O-Kay! Calm down, Principal Celestia. It's alright.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA HOW IS IT ALRIGHT.
SUNSET SHIMMER This is Equestria! Where I come from.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA WHY AM I A HORSE.
SUNSET SHIMMER An "alicorn". Your counterpart here is the princess who uses her magic to raise the sun every morning.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA (Slowly calming down) ...MAGIC horse?
SUNSET SHIMMER Yeah. Equestria's where the magic comes from that the girls and I save the school with. (aside) Like, every other week. 12.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA Magic horse who raises the sun.
SUNSET SHIMMER Yeah.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA With magic.
SUNSET SHIMMER Uhh. We can talk about it later.
As SUNSET SHIMMER continues to speak, SPIKE begins to wail in the distance, gradually getting louder and closer.
SUNSET SHIMMER (CONT'D) First, let's take you home and... go... get...
SPIKE (Finally bursting into the room) --AAAAAAAAAA!
SPIKE pauses to gasp for breath.
SUNSET SHIMMER Spike?
SPIKE Princess Celestia! Sunset Shimmer! Thank goodness you're here!
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA (attempting to interrupt) Actually, I'm the-–
SPIKE There's a giant monster stomping Ponyville flat, and there's a friendship school field trip, so everypony who can fix this is GONE FOR A WEEK!
SUNSET SHIMMER (to CELESTIA) Okay, DEFINITELY taking you home now. 13.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA Wait.
Beat.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA (CONT'D) You're saying there's a monster destroying a city. And this world's me is a MAGIC horse. Who moves the SUN.
Beat. SPIKE slowly catches on.
SPIKE (pointing) PRINCIPAL Celestia?
ALUMX puts his fingers to his head in concentration.
A/V DEPARTMENT: Lowers the room lights on one side of the hall, then brings them back up. Lowers the room lights on the other side of the hall, then brings them back up.
SPIKE (CONT'D) Wow. You're a quick study at that sun thing.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA (confidently) Little dragon-man. Take me to this monster.
SUNSET SHIMMER Hoo boy.
INT. CANTERLOT HIGH OFFICES - DAY
PRINCESS CELESTIA speaks with three SCHOOL BOARD members. Whoever voices SCHOOL BOARD 3 should be seated fairly close to NICOLE OLIVER.
NARRATOR Meanwhile, at Canterlot High! 14.
PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] Hearken unto us, loyal subjects and councillors, and heed our decrees. In turn, render thine advice according to thy wisdom, that we may work toward the commonweal of this school. (She grins) Sometimes there really is no substitute for traditional forms of introduction, don't you think?
SCHOOL BOARD 1, 2, 3 (confused walla)
PRINCESS CELESTIA So, members of the esteemed "School Board". What is this problem we're having?
SCHOOL BOARD 1 (clearing throat) Let's start with your recent request for funds to buy updated computers for the school library.
PRINCESS CELESTIA To buy... excuse me?
SCHOOL BOARD 1 Computers.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Computers?...Yes. Yes! Computers! I know what those are. Of course.
Beat.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Hypothetically speaking, what would one look like?
SCHOOL BOARD 2 ...Like the one on your desk there.
PRINCESS CELESTIA THAT'S a computer?
If possible: NICOLE OLIVER opens a laptop set nearby. 15.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) My word! How marvelously decorative! Double the request. I want to take some home to Equestria.
SCHOOL BOARD 1 Pardon me? Did you say 'double'?
SCHOOL BOARD 2 'Take some home'?
SCHOOL BOARD 3 Equestria?
SCHOOL BOARD 1 Principal Celestia, is this your way of trying to get us to accept your request for more vacation days?
PRINCESS CELESTIA (horrified) Why would I want more vacations?!
SCHOOL BOARD 2 Well, we thought the strain of your position has been getting to you recently. In light of recent, ah, supernatural events.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (laughs) No, no, I'm QUITE used to those.
SCHOOL BOARD 1, 2, 3 (confused muttering)
PRINCESS CELESTIA They're quite invigorating, truth be told. In fact, I could do with a few more. I miss the danger.
SCHOOL BOARD 1, 2, 3 (confused AND concerned muttering)
PRINCESS CELESTIA Beg pardon, I'm digressing. We were talking about... com-tupers, correct? 16.
SCHOOL BOARD 1 Yes, well, we can finish that conversation another time.
SCHOOL BOARD 2 I'm sure we'd be happy to grant you all the vacation time you clearly need, principal.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (eagerly) Anything else?
SCHOOL BOARD 3 (reluctantly) Well ... we HAVE outlined some of our concerns over the current curriculum. Here.
S.B.3's VOICE ACTOR holds up a paper toward NICOLE. Rather than taking it, she squints at it. Squints hard.
Beat. NICOLE puts her fingers to her head in concentration.
SCHOOL BOARD 3 (CONT'D) (very concerned) Principal Celestia?
PRINCESS CELESTIA (concentration broken) Oh! I don't have my magic here, do I? Ha-ha-ha!
NICOLE OLIVER reaches out and grabs the paper, delighted.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) I have to grab things now! How delightfully pedestrian.
SCHOOL BOARD 2 ...Right. Well. Good day.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Goodbye! It was a joy to meet you! (beat) Again.
SCHOOL BOARD 1, 2, 3 (concerned muttering)
The SCHOOL BOARD noise gets more distant as they flee. 17.
PRINCESS CELESTIA That was fun!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Principal Celestia! I'm so sorry to interrupt, but we ALSO have a student emergency-–
PRINCESS CELESTIA An emergency! How wonderful!... Wonderfully terrible, I mean. Er, do come in!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE (angrily) You heard her! In! And stop rubbing your black eye, Diamond Tiara. You'll only make it worse!
PRINCESS CELESTIA Goodness, what happened?
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Apple Bloom here got into a fight with Diamond Tiara right in the middle of physics class. They've ALREADY been caught fighting two times this month!
APPLE BLOOM She started it! She said the dirt in her shoe has a better education than me!
DIAMOND TIARA Well, it's true!
APPLE BLOOM You go to the same school as me!
DIAMOND TIARA Ugh. Whatever.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (sighing) Girls. Apple Bloom does have a point, but-–
DIAMOND TIARA WHAT?! Wait until my father hears about this! 18.
APPLE BLOOM You can't say that every darn time!
PRINCESS CELESTIA AHEM! (beat) As I was saying! Apple Bloom, while you DO have a point about school pride, I expect better of you. Have you been too busy fighting to pay attention during friendship studies?
DIAMOND TIARA (snickering) Friendship studies?
PRINCESS CELESTIA (puzzled) Yes, your classes on the study of friendship.
APPLE BLOOM Erm, Principal Celestia, we ain't never had anything like that.
PRINCESS CELESTIA What?!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE I've never heard of that either, Principal.
PRINCESS CELESTIA But-–! Wait. Where were those papers from the school board? Here!... Let's see. Literature, yes, mathematics, good, history, home economics, P.E., biology...
Beat.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Apple Bloom. Diamond Tiara. You must excuse us. Administrator Mare and I have a critical matter to attend to. 19.
INT. CANTERLOT HIGH - RADIO ROOM - DAY
NARRATOR A few minutes later!
NICOLE OLIVER taps against her microphone.
PRINCESS CELESTIA And you say this will carry my voice over the entire school? How convenient! This is so much better for my throat than the Royal Canterlot Voice!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Oh dear...
NICOLE picks up her microphone.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Attention, students of Canterlot High. This is your principal, announcing a crucial and immediate change in the school's curriculum-–the addition of mandatory friendship studies.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE (interrupting) Principal Celestia!
NICOLE sets down her microphone.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Yes?
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Are you certain about this? You'd be holding students back at least three semesters!
PRINCESS CELESTIA Only three? Oh, no, no! Something as important as friendship could take a full nine.
Beat.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE But-–the students will riot! 20.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Surely it can't be THAT bad.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Not to mention the overtime we'll have to budget.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Miss Mare. Friendship is the single most important lesson we could possibly impart. Money is no object.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE ...No...object?
Beat.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE (CONT'D) (excitedly) Do it! DO IT!
NICOLE picks up her mic again.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Since this new curriculum applies to all students, seniors will have to return to their studies, and cannot graduate until they pass.
Beat. NICOLE sets down her mic.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) I don't hear rioting. Do you hear rioting? (beat) Well! That went better than expected.
STUDENT MOB (rioting walla) Rabble rabble rabble!
PRINCESS CELESTIA Ah. Nevermind.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE All *I* hear is the sound of sweet, sweet OVERTIME! 21.
PRINCESS CELESTIA I'm sure they're just overreacting, heh-heh. But they'll be learning friendship! It will be alright in the end.
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Ten-hour days! No, twelve! Sixteen! (Maniacal laughter) The school shall last FOREVER!
EXT. EQUESTRIA - DAY
NARRATOR Meanwhile, as a monster attacks Ponyville!
It's a SCENE OF CHAOS. All VAs should be participating in BACKGROUND NOISE: high-voiced VAs as PANICKING PONIES, low- voiced VAs as DARK CULTISTS.
PANICKING PONIES (panic walla)
DARK CULTISTS (continuously chanting) Ka-thoo-loo! Ka-thoo-loo!
GREAT CTHULHU (deep bass voice) BEHOLD ME! TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHTIEST OF THE ELDER GODS!
PANICKING PONIES (screams)
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA [ALUMX] HEY TENTACLE-FACE!
ALL NOISE STOPS as Celestia shouts.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA MY turn!
PANICKING PONIES (cheering walla) Celestia! Hooray! 22.
SUNSET SHIMMER Principal, what are you doing?!
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA Sunset.
SUNSET SHIMMER Yes?
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA (slowly and intently) I run a high school. And for the first time in my life, the solution to a problem DOESN'T involve meekly pleading with teenagers to behave. (leaning in) GIVE. ME. THIS.
GREAT CTHULHU Foolish mortal! Cthulhu is all powerful! YOUR WORLD IS MINE! A- hahaha... haaaa.... wait. No. Stop. What are you-–
EVERYONE ELSE (wincing) Oooohh!
SPIKE I didn't know the sun could do that.
GREAT CTHULHU (pitch much higher) No no no! Stop!
EVERYONE ELSE (covering their eyes) Ooooohhhhh!
SPIKE If I ever go back through the portal, I am NEVER getting within a mile of detention.
SUNSET SHIMMER Me neither.
GREAT CTHULHU (sobbing) Uncle! UNCLE! I GIVE! 23.
PRINCIPAL CELESTIA Ha. Haaaaa. Ahaha. HAHAHAHAHA! WHICH ANCIENT ALL-POWERFUL EVIL IS NEXT?!
SUNSET SHIMMER Principal! Wait!
Beat.
SUNSET SHIMMER (CONT'D) She teleported away.
SPIKE I'll go wake up Princess Luna.
SUNSET SHIMMER I'll go find Princess Celestia.
EXT. CANTERLOT HIGH - DAY
NARRATOR Meanwhile, at the high school!
It's a SCENE OF CHAOS.
STUDENT MOB (walla) Rabble rabble rabble!
DIAMOND TIARA Alright fellas! Follow me!
STUDENT MOB Yeah! Diamond Tiara! (chanting) No more pencils! No more books! No more teacher's dirty looks!
DIAMOND TIARA If we burn down the building, YOU get summer break, and *I* get to go to that private academy!
STUDENT MOB (cheering walla)
DIAMOND TIARA Yes! BURN! Ahahahaha... huh? 24.
APPLE BLOOM Not on MY watch, you two-bit bully!
DIAMOND TIARA Why, you!
APPLE BLOOM Hyah!
SFX [from VAs]: FIGHT NOISES.
DIAMOND TIARA (taking a blow) Oof!
APPLE BLOOM Got you!
STUDENT MOB (walla) Rabble rabble rabble!
APPLE BLOOM ...Okay, I DON'T got YOU.
APPLEJACK Sis! Hold on!
APPLE BLOOM Applejack!
STUDENT MOB (walla) Rabble rabble!
APPLEJACK Now listen up!
The STUDENT MOB goes silent.
APPLEJACK (CONT'D) I'm gonna show y'all some down- home country magic. See this crowbar? (beat) Well, look at that, I turned it into a pretzel! (grinning) So who'd like to volunteer for my next trick? 25.
Beat.
STUDENT MOB (running off) Yipe yipe yipe!
APPLE BLOOM Whew, thanks, sis!
APPLEJACK (sternly) Now you stay put. I gotta go help Dash and Rarity at the gym. (beat) We'll talk about your fightin' later.
APPLE BLOOM (nervously) Eh-heh-heh.
PINKIE PIE Fluttershy! The fire's over there!
FLUTTERSHY I'm on it! (beat) Mister Pigeon! Go!
MR. PIGEON (Pigeon noises)
PINKIE PIE Ooohhh. Who knew that a flock of pigeons could carry so much water?
SUNSET SHIMMER Fluttershy! Pinkie Pie!
PINKIE PIE Sunset!
PINKIE AND SUNSET (Simultaneously) We've got a problem! Celestia has gone mad with power!
Beat. 26.
SUNSET SHIMMER Wait, what?
PINKIE PIE It's the worst possible thing! And I mean a REAL worst possible thing, not a Rarity "worst possible thing"! Princess Celestia cancelled graduation FOREVER!
APPLE BLOOM I'm so sorry! It's my fault. She found out me and Diamond Tiara were fighting.
SUNSET SHIMMER Don't blame yourself, Apple Bloom. I think there's a lot more than that going on here. (to Pinkie) Pinkie! Where's Celestia?
PINKIE PIE I don't know! We've all been busy dealing with the riots.
APPLE BLOOM I saw her near her office! I can show ya where.
SUNSET SHIMMER Alright. Apple Bloom, take me there. Pinkie, Fluttershy, get back to crowd control.
FLUTTERSHY Um, but what if you need help?
SUNSET SHIMMER Don't worry about me! We need everyone we can get to protect the school.
PINKIE PIE But Sunset! 27.
SUNSET SHIMMER No buts! (more quietly) She wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for me. So it's up to me to fix it.
PINKIE PIE (Whine of frustration)
INT. CANTERLOT HIGH OFFICES - DAY
NARRATOR A few minutes later!
SUNSET SHIMMER Alright, we're in. Good job sneaking us past those angry students, Apple Bloom. (beat) So how did you know which ventilation ducts led to the principal's office?
APPLE BLOOM ...Would you believe me if I told ya, Daring Do movies?
SUNSET SHIMMER Heh. I'm pretty sure Daring never tried to infiltrate a-– (gasps) LOOK OUT!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE FACE YOUR DOOM, STUDENT RABBLE!
SUNSET AND A.B. Aaah! Administrator Mare!
SFX [from VAs]: FIGHT NOISES.
SUNSET SHIMMER (taking a blow) Oof!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE HAH! Got you! 28.
APPLE BLOOM Sunset!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE Your turn, little girl!
APPLE BLOOM Why you -– HIYYAAAAA!
ADMINISTRATOR MARE (taking a blow) Oof!
SUNSET SHIMMER (recovering) Ugh. (surprised) Whoah. You knocked her out cold.
APPLE BLOOM (uneasy laugh) Daring Do movies?
SUNSET SHIMMER Not with moves like that.
APPLE BLOOM (guiltily) ...I've been sneaking out of the house to take karate classes. Please don't tell Applejack! She'd flip out.
SUNSET SHIMMER (laughs) It's alright. Your secret's safe with me.
APPLE BLOOM Fistbump?
SUNSET SHIMMER Fistbump. (beat) Now where's Princess Celestia?
APPLE BLOOM In there.
SUNSET SHIMMER Hmm. Locked. 29.
Beat.
APPLE BLOOM So, *hypothetically*, if I opened the lock with some hairpins-–
SUNSET SHIMMER I'm going to stop you right there.
Beat. REBECCA SHOICHET knocks on the table.
PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] (in the distance) Coming, Miss Mare.
APPLE BLOOM Yeah, that's much simpler.
PRINCESS CELESTIA How is the-–Oh! Sunset! (guiltily) I'm sorry, I'm not QUITE ready for our trip. There's a few things to fix first.
SUNSET SHIMMER That's why I'm here. (takes a breath) Princess... you've got to let everyone graduate.
PRINCESS CELESTIA But there's a PROBLEM! The biggest problem there is! They don't teach friendship here!
SUNSET SHIMMER I know! But this isn't the way to do it.
PRINCESS CELESTIA How can you say that, Sunset? Look at how much good Twilight Sparkle's school is doing! Are we supposed to ignore its example and just... leave THIS world to the mobs and the juvenile delinquents?
APPLE BLOOM Hey! I'm not juvenile! 30.
With that, the conversation starts getting more heated.
SUNSET SHIMMER (insulted) Excuse me? Is that all that humans are to you?
PRINCESS CELESTIA Look outside, Sunset, and tell me what you see!
STUDENT MOB (in the distance) Rabble rabble rabble!
SUNSET SHIMMER I see good students upset at YOU not thinking about them!
PRINCESS CELESTIA I'm doing this FOR them, because I'm not going to fail them like I failed with you!
APPLE BLOOM 'SCUSE ME!
APPLE BLOOM'S outburst halts the argument for a moment.
APPLE BLOOM (CONT'D) (more quietly) Do us "juveniles" get a say, Princess? Cause I'm pretty sure that if there's one friendship lesson I DO know, it's that you're supposed to solve problems TOGETHER.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (surprised) I... well...
APPLE BLOOM I learned THAT one from Sunset Shimmer. How she listened to us after she became a friend, instead of orderin' us around when she was a bully. (pointedly) So which one are YOU here to be?
Beat. 31.
RAINBOW DASH Well, WE'RE here to be HEROES!
SUNSET SHIMMER Rainbow Dash!
RARITY ALL of us, darling. You didn't think your friends were going to abandon you, did you?
SUNSET SHIMMER How did you get in here?
FLUTTERSHY Um. The door was open, and Miss Mare was knocked out.
SUNSET SHIMMER Oh. Right.
RAINBOW DASH (Excited) And now we can finally beat up the evil changeling taking over the school!
APPLEJACK Seriously, Rainbow Dash? You're startin' to sound like Lyra and her Area 51 theories.
RAINBOW DASH Hey. There's TOTALLY going to be a convention there next year.
SUNSET SHIMMER Can we focus, please? (to CELESTIA) Princess, none of us want to fight you, except maybe Rainbow Dash. But we use our magic to defend this world, so we will if we have to. 32.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (sighs) No, I'm afraid Apple Bloom was right. I've been setting a poor example. Sharing wisdom with future generations is one of my greatest joys, and I may have gotten a little carried away.
RARITY (aside) You think?
PRINCESS CELESTIA I just don't want everything to end this soon. Is that so wrong?
PINKIE PIE Well, *duh*. You can't make school last forever.
PRINCESS CELESTIA But there's still so much left for everybody to learn!
PINKIE PIE Silly human-shaped horse princess! I didn't say we were going to stop learning.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Without school, who will be there to teach you?
PINKIE PIE Hmmm. (beat) Ooh! Ooh! I've got a super- spectacular idea. Why don't I teach Sunset! And Sunset can teach me! And so on... INTO FRIENDFINITY.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Is "friendfinity" even a word?
PINKIE PIE It is now, because I just used it! Ha, checkmate! And also maybe bingo! Possibly Yahtzee? 33.
SUNSET SHIMMER Uh, Pinkie?
PINKIE PIE I SUNK YOUR BATTLESHIP!
SUNSET SHIMMER I think what Pinkie Pie is saying is that we've all learned so much in this school. There've been a lot of laughs, a few tears...
FLUTTERSHY And, um, a lot of scary people terrorizing the city with Equestrian magic. Those too.
SUNSET SHIMMER I know! I was one, once! The point is, we've discovered a lot over these past few years. About life. About ourselves. The world outside these walls is full of opportunities to show off everything that we've learned here. But we can't do that unless you're willing to let us move on.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Why would you WANT to move on? This, right here! It's the most special place there is!
Beat.
PINKIE PIE (aside, to audience) Are we still talking about high school?
The V.A. NEXT TO ANDREA LIBMAN shushes her. 34.
SUNSET SHIMMER You're right, this place is invaluable. It has meant so much to me for so long. It changed my life. (smiles) But what MAKES it special are the memories we shared and the friendships we built. And that's something that we can do again, with old friends AND new friends, no matter where we go next.
PRINCESS CELESTIA But... what if there's nothing else for ME out there? What if this was my last chance to make a difference?
SUNSET SHIMMER I know it's scary moving on. There's nobody-–and nopony-–who can tell you what tomorrow will bring. But while we're figuring out where to go next... we'll always have the memories of the special times we had together.
FLUTTERSHY And we'll have each other.
HUMANE FIVE (agreement noises)
SUNSET SHIMMER Friendship is magic, Princess Celestia. It's the truest form of magic there is. And it's time for all of us to go share that magic with the world.
REBECCA SHOICHET holds a hand out to NICOLE OLIVER.
SUNSET SHIMMER (CONT'D) Together.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (overcome) Oh, Sunset.
NICOLE lunges past REBECCA's outstretched hand to give her a hug. They hold each other for a beat. 35.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) You're right. And I think I've got something very important to do.
NICOLE picks up her microphone.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (CONT'D) Attention, students of Canterlot High. I just spoke with some very special students who helped me remember the most important friendship lesson of all. Their school must be special indeed if it has taught them so much. (regally) Therefore! I, Princess Celestia-–
PINKIE PIE (stage whisper) Principal!
PRINCESS CELESTIA PRINCIPAL Celestia, hereby declare that Canterlot High has passed its friendship studies!
Beat. NICOLE sets down her microphone.
PINKIE PIE GRADUATION IS BACK ON!
EVERYONE (CHEERS)
INT. CANTERLOT HIGH GYMNASIUM - DAY
NARRATOR A few hours later, inside the gymnasium at Canterlot-–
PINKIE PIE (interrupting) HI!
NARRATOR (startled yelp) Pinkie Pie? 36.
PINKIE PIE Stop narrating while THERE'S PARTYING TO BE DONE!
NARRATOR ...Okay!
PARTY WALLA. It's a SCENE OF CELEBRATION.
PINKIE PIE GRADUATION PARTY! WOO-HOO!
SUNSET SHIMMER Wow. I've never seen the gym this packed.
APPLEJACK It's smaller than it used to be.
RARITY Well, darling, that's what happens when one uses their superpower to rebuild it out of magical crystal.
FLUTTERSHY It really does look lovely. But the extra light does raise the temperature. Don't you think, Rainbow Dash?
RAINBOW DASH (smugly) Yeah, it IS a bit hot. It needs to be LESS hot. In fact, I'd say it needs to be about twe-–
EVERYONE DON'T SAY IT.
Beat.
RAINBOW DASH Oh, c'mon! It's graduation! It's my very last chance!
PINKIE PIE Oooh! If it's THAT special then you should share it with EVERYONE!
ANDREA LIBMAN gestures to the audience. 37.
RAINBOW DASH Alright, alright! (To the audience) All together now! It needs to be about...
LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE ROOM "Twenty percent cooler."
PINKIE PIE THAT'S what I'm talking about!
Beat.
APPLE BLOOM Diamond Tiara!
DIAMOND TIARA Apple Bloom. What do YOU want?
APPLE BLOOM I just... (sighs) I came over to apologize. I was doin' some thinking about what the princess said.
DIAMOND TIARA (interested) Wait, you know a princess?
APPLE BLOOM The one who assigned us friendship studies.
DIAMOND TIARA Oh. HER.
APPLE BLOOM Yeah. Thing is, though, I know how much your mom pushes ya to get good grades for your college applications. An' I was thinking... maybe if a bunch of us got together and really DID start a "Friendship Studies" class that no other school in the world had, wouldn't colleges think it was awful cool?
DIAMOND TIARA You'd do that for me? 38.
APPLE BLOOM Well, if you're sayin' my schooling's bad, that ain't personal, right? It's something we can team up to fix.
DIAMOND TIARA ...I'm listening.
SUNSET SHIMMER Heh. I don't think watching friendship solve problems is ever going to get old.
PRINCESS CELESTIA [NICOLE] As somepony who is older than most, and somepony who does a lot more watching than most, I can absolutely confirm that.
SUNSET SHIMMER Princess!
PRINCESS CELESTIA (subdued) I hope you don't mind me sticking around after all the trouble I caused. I... didn't want to leave without saying goodbye.
SUNSET SHIMMER Of course not! (hesitantly) You know, I wonder sometimes what my life would have been like if I'd learned about friendship earlier. If I hadn't failed you.
PRINCESS CELESTIA (firmly) You're no failure, my star pupil. You've brought the magic of friendship to a whole new world, and I couldn't imagine a better pony to spread it far and wide. (smiling) I'm so proud of you, Sunset.
SUNSET SHIMMER (choking up) I... can't tell you how much that means. 39.
REBECCA SHOICHET and NICOLE OLIVER hug again. EVERYONE ELSE cheers, applauds, or "Awwww"s.
FLUTTERSHY Awww. That's so sweet.
APPLEJACK Yeah, reckon it is. (beat) But I got the funniest feeling, like we're all forgettin' something.
Beat. Then a distant wailing gradually draws nearer.
SPIKE aaaaaaaa AAAAAAAAAA *AAAAAAA*! Princess Celestia! Sunset Shimmer! Thank goodness I found you!
SPIKE pauses to gasp for breath.
SUNSET SHIMMER Oooohhhhh. Right.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Is something wrong in Equestria, Spike?
SPIKE The principal is refusing to set the sun until she can beat up ALL of Equestria's evil with it!
PRINCESS CELESTIA What?!
SUNSET SHIMMER Spike, didn't you say you were going to get Princess Luna?
SPIKE I did! She said-– (Luna voice) "Tis about time" (regular voice) And she JOINED IN!
PRINCESS CELESTIA ...Oh dear. 40.
APPLEJACK I KNEW it was gonna be one of those days.
SUNSET SHIMMER Well, girls, I for one am going to go through the portal and save the world I grew up in. Are you with me?
RAINBOW DASH Heck yeah! I'm not gonna stop being a superhero just because high school is ending.
RARITY A chance to BOTH do good AND shop another world's fashion boutiques? I suppose I could be talked into it.
PINKIE PIE Ooh! Ooh! If I go, will I get to use the party cannon?
SUNSET SHIMMER Against my better judgment, yes.
PINKIE PIE Eeeeheheeehee!
APPLEJACK I'm in. Somepony's gotta keep Dash from flyin' off into trouble.
FLUTTERSHY Um, we really all should go, if it's our own principal causing all the trouble.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Is there anything *I* can do to help?
Beat.
SUNSET SHIMMER Of course! 41.
HUMANE SIX (various agreement)
SUNSET SHIMMER There ARE some things graduation changes, Princess. We're not students any more. And you're not a teacher any more. (grins) But all that means is we get to solve this as friends.
PRINCESS CELESTIA Now that's a change I can get used to.
THE END