I Monsters 2A Manifestos 3A I McManus 4A Everybody do the rm tm a m m « . j» -w l by adam liebowitz effect is liable to strike pers, the best DinoStaur and primordial terror into the deal is a one dollar jeffrey C. whalen heart of any dino-phile Pterodactyl glider If you went digging Santa Barbarian. (meaning Styro-Lizard Fob deep under campus, you Well, maybe not full Cheap). The worst deal is might find a few size Barbarians but at assorted snakey-shake Chumash Indian bones, least the half size ones. Dinosaurs running from but you won’t find any It’s common knowledge fifteen dollars. Serious dinosaurs; during the that kids love dinosaurs Dino collectors will be Mesozoic era, when all ... or do they? charmed by the one- the really fun dinosaurs Faces of fear and dread hundred and fifty dollar, were wandering .the peppered the crowd of hand crafted Dinosaurs Earth, Santa Barbara was children and their imported from Mexico. under water. bewildered parents as If you get hungry, Now, in this era when these faux-asaurs wander over to the you can’t find any water in (meaning Fake Lizards) DinoDiner. The fest- Santa Barbara, the ranted and tore at the air minded menu includes Museum of Natural History before them. Tricerotip Sandwiches has taken its cue and has Four-year-old Rick (meaning Fossilized Meat) finally brought the (meaning Cowering Mun- and Mesozoic Muffins Dinosaurs (meaning chkin), backed against (meaning Dated Bread). Terrible Lizards) back to our swamp scenery and But it’s not all theatrics town. wondered what was at the museum; at The “ DISCOVER keeping the Apatosaurus moments it’s down right DINOSAURS!” (meaning (meaning Difrent Lizard) educational: Discover Terrible Lizards) from jumping off his — Fact. It’s now illegal to exhibit is back platform and eating refer to an Apatosaurus showcasing five Rick’s face. "It must be as a “Brontosaurus," "scientifically accurate,” some kind of special which is something moving, 3-D dinosaurs glue,” he decided. you’ve done for years, that will roar, shout and The biggest kid draw isn’t it? Brontosaurus generally menace you. (other than the gift shop) (meaning Thunder Lizard) is They've got an Allosaurus is the Control-Your-Own a much better name for (meaning Different Lizard), a Stegasaurus (meaning swamp roaming Stegosaurus (meaning Play With The Roof Lizard). behemoths and besides Roof Lizard), a Tricerotops Stephen (meaning Bored now all the Flinstones (meaning Three-Homed Videophile), age 10, wasn’t episodes will have to be Faced), an Apatosaurus scared, but he certainly redubbed so that Fred (meaning Deceptive Lizard), wasn’t very impressed. and Barney step out for and a Dimetrodon “Nintendo is funner," he “Apato-Burgers.” (meaning Two-Measured quipped. Teeth). The giftshop, called the — Fact. Despite ap­ These monstrous DinoStaur (meaning pearances, dinosaurs bastard sons of Terribly Jacked-up Prices), weren’t fat — just big animatronics, made by was as interesting — and boned — which brings us Dinamation (meaning covered nearly as much to a disturbing revelation. Terrible Hydrolics), are truly space — as the exhibit As “scientifically ac­ shocking. They stand at itself. Giftshop cashier curate” as these beasts full or half-scale of their Jennifer (meaning may be, they’re just a low- dead predecessors, and Bemused Minimum-Wagist), tech jumble of electronics come fully equipped with informed us that the and general plasticity. bending necks, snarling DinoStaur was doing Sure, this plastic was lips, roaring tonsils and “ faaa bulous made from fossil fuel, but acute appendicitis. In the faaabulous,” but un­ that’s not really in the dark showroom, with fortunately she was not spirit of dinosaur painted Mesozoic working on commission. discovery. backdrops all around, the For interested shop­ How come no bones? arts 08 »02 »89 SCARY MONSTERS T heater A rtists G roup S ummer 1989 <*© presents <*© Moiiere’s Hie MiseiT A hilarious indictment of the lust for money Directed by William Glover July 28, 29 — August 3, 4, and 5 8 p.m. — UCSB Main Theatre by tony pierce begining of Tracy Chapman's “For My Lover” before the head monster could finish his last two lines. The “There are three bands that matter in music: N.W.A., us band rocked hard during the folk singer’s number, and The Beatles — Bob Forrest, singer, Thelonious very much like they've done on their new record. But Monster.J Forrest was obviously upset and stalked offstage, missing some lines. When the song was over, he You might have never heard of Compton’s premier stubbornly sang it again saying, “see I only had two rap group N.W.A., made up of ex-gang members. more fucking lines left.” Odds are you've heard a thing or two about Liver­ The new look Forrest looks like XTCs Andy Par­ pool's famous foursome. But pity the poor soul who tridge since having his long blonde dredlocks cut off hasn’t heard of L.A.’s Thelonious Monster or seen because, “my girlfriend dumped me.” However he them live like they played at the Ventura Theater last still acts like a cross between David Lee Roth and Friday night. Johnny Rotten and still loves addressing the “What would you like us to be tonight?” Forrest audience. asked the 90 some people at the show, most of whom — Before playing their version of The were slam dancing in front of the large stage. ‘We Replacements’ “I’ll Be You," Forrest said "with all could be a professional band. We could be preten­ these bands like Guns n’ Roses an Bon Jovi around tious and boring. We could play like the Dream ... God, I hate Bon Jo v i... I don’t understand why a Ticket Information Syndicate. We could play like Black Flag.” The band like The Replacements are still struggling. They General $9.00, Student $8.00 with I.D. drummer kicks into a fast rock beat, “or we could are my favorite band.” For Information and charge-by-phone call play like this.” — Concerning a request to play a Doobie Brothers Enter Thelonious storming into a deafening ver­ song, he said, “Doobie Brothers? Have you guys Arts & Lectures 961-3535 (9 a.m.-5 p.m.) or sion of Led Zeppelin’s “Rock and Roll”, which heard that new song? Them and the Who and Van Box Office (evenings of performance only) evidently turned the 10-minute-old show’s tone into a Halen. They all fucking suck shit. And Sammy 961-3021 2-hour free-for-all. The improvised playlist ranged Haggar's the worst." The band promptly banged out from an X song, to an a cappella version of Janis a grinding helping of their latest single “Sammy Joplin's "Mercedes Benz," including dozens of HaggarWeekend.” covers and original material in between. — After they had done The Rolling Stones’ The band has.trimmed down its number, com­ “Happy” (accompanied by a random audience “YE$,THERE IS posed of two fine guitarists (instead of six) who were member who knew more of the words than any of the UFE AFTER lead-footed when it came to stomping down on the band), Forrest apologized a few songs later for BREAST CANCER.! wa-wa pedals. The dredlocked bass player was great, wanting to play another Stones number. “I'm sorry, AND THAT’S THE ! but the drummer consistently pissed off Forrest by but I just love the Stones. And you’ll like this too. I WHOLE POINT” missing changes and stepping over his lines. During promise. No really, we really rock out near the end. A an impromptu recitation of the traditional “Amazing lot like ‘Freebird’." (See MONSTER, p.4A) Grace” sung by Forrest, the drummer kicked into the SANTA BARBARA COUNTY BOWL KTYD' t - lO G 't A f A e t f t 4 À Æ a- .mw THE MELODY | . 1 MAKERS August 2 8PM WITH SPECIAL GUEST ' í .M't' E Ipipip; U An Evening with PATO BANTON I 1 « EARL KLUGH THIS SUNDAY AUGUST 6-3PM August 31 8PM 10,000 LARRY CARLTON MANIACS WITH SPECIAL GUEST ^ ¡ la , with spedai guest CAMPER u w w fw æ t » . * J u s t o A l m a r io VAN BEETHOVEN W</¿\ ++ SUNDAY AUGUST 13-5 PM OXNARD CIVIC AUDITORIUM 800 Hobson Way, ALSO O N SALE: SEPT 8-ANDERSON, BRUFORD, Oxnard, CA. SEPT 2-LITTLE FEAT WAKEMAN, HOWE SEPT 4-SANTANA SEPT 10-ELVIS COSTELLO SEPT 5-BOB DYLAN SEPT 17-PETER, PAUL & MARY TICKETS: Oxnard Auditorium Box Office, and all Ticketmaster Outlets. including Arlington box office, Captain Video, Morninglory Music, May Co., T/CKi lA£Srt=f9 Music Plus and M & M Records in Lompoc. Also the County Bowl box office. To charge by FOR INFORMATION call the Auditorium at phone call (805) 583-8700. MAY COMPANY & MUSIC PLUS (805) 486-2424 (213) 480-3232 • (714)740-2000 (80S) 583-8700 • (610) 278-T1XS KTYD« 08 • 02*89 arts something completely different by laura funkhouser rigors of their field, starting next school year, stitute's high school BLUES* REGGAE Diva, the definitively providing practice, in­ the vocal department will workshop will present its cool French new wave dividual attention and begin staging five operas culminating recital movie, was my first in­ encouraging self-exami­ a year. Thursday, free to the ROCK & JAZZ troduction to opera, and it nation. If you can imagine Tonight, the Vocal public. convinced me that opera pursuing a career that Institute is presenting the Opera has recently NEW RELEASES NOW IN STOCK: was not just for the rich combines singing, acting, second of three evenings gained a wider appeal and the old but.