Kite February March

A war of words has broken out over proposals to give students a role in assessing lecturers' pay. The scheme is one of several plans which are set to form a students' charter, aspects of which may be included in the Conservative Party general election manifesto. The initiative plans to link pay awards for lecturers to student (customer) views of their performance in lecture halls and seminar rooms, and is reported to have the support of the Secretary of State for Education, Kenneth Clarke. Mr Clarke was one of a group of ministers and advisors who attended a seminar in Downing Street midway through January. Senior sources close to the Prime Minister have disclosed that Mr Clarke was directly asked by an official from another department if he was in favour of a link between student assessment and lecturers pay. The Education Secretary responded that it was a good idea that the Department of Education and Science (DES) could work on. This has caused confusion within Mr Clarke's own department. Roger Frost, DES Press Officer, told Imperial College News Network (iCNN) that 'there are no departmental plans'for a students' charter,' but he added that if it were Twenty five thousand students from all over Great Britain attended a mass rally called by the National to be a manifesto proposal, the DES Union of Students (NUS) on Wednesday 12 February. The march was called to protest about student could not work on the idea until it debt and the student loans system and was supported by Imperial College Union. became Government policy. Tessa Mr David Taylor, acting NUS press officer, described the meeting as 'large, peaceful.. and very Kesswick. senior policy advisor to successful. ' Mr Taylor also stated that the message about student debt had 'got across' as the coverage the Secretary of State, told us that of the march had been very good. the idea of students assessing lecturers' pay was 'not a Conservative idea. It may be Henke, reported yesterday morning seminar. These include the President, has said that the charter's something the Labour Party would . that the Prime Minister has students' charter, and charters on ideas 'show no understanding of do, but it is not one of our ideas.' instructed Sarah Hogg, the head of health and transport. students' problems, nor any genuine Media sources have already the Downing Street policy unit, to The pay initiative has been widely commitment to solve them'. Labour reported that tensions exist between rewrite the manifesto by pledging condemned. The National Union of Higher Education spokesman, the policy 'think-tank' at 10 a raft of initiatives in the public Students and the Association of Andrew Smith, told iCNN that 'the Downing Street, and the policy unit sector. Mrs Hogg has already University Teachers have already only pieces of paper students want at the DES. The Guardian received a dossier of ideas indicated that they will not support to see from this government is ten Westminster Correspondent, David following on from the January the proposals. Stephen Twigg, NUS pound notes.' (iCNN) Letters Felix 926 14 February 1992 Acidic Viniculture

Dear Adam, provide a printing service for the lot of their finance is at stake. The Union should have no May I firstly commend you upon clubs and societies of ICU. From People should not have to use control of what you say in Felix, your commitment to the defence of the start of the year the Felix Stabur Graphics yet on several you are the editor, but when people your editorial freedom, however photocopier has been out of order occasions this year Guilds has had need printed material in order to this is only part of the job you were and although its performance is not to resort to their services to get publicise or run a successful event elected for and, judging by my own under your control it is surely not Guildsheet out in time despite you these jobs should take a higher recent experiences and those of too much to ask that the Manager knowing of the print dates months priority than they appear to at the others, most notably Rocksoc (Felix of the Print Unit should organise for in advance. Even when jobs are the minute. When it comes to 925), perhaps your other duties it to be fixed. delivered on time it is usually only printing jobs you are there to have been neglected somewhat. As Publicity is of prime importance thanks to constant chasing up by the provide a service for us. well as Felix editor, you are Print for clubs organising events where group of people who need the Yours sincerely. Unit Manager whose task it is to not only their reputation but also a material. Tim Proctor. NatWest Again RockSoc Again

Dear Sir, by my paying a £5 telephone Adam. concerned with their review, our After an 'unfortunate' incident on charge, to ensure the cheque would Thank you so much for printing complaint is over the treatment of January 31 at the IC Nat West clear. The Current Account Tariff Poddy's highly amusing reply to my our press release. Reviews may be branch, I feel obliged to write to leaflet (published by Nat West) letter in last week's edition. For his based on opinion but a press release you. Every month, I transfer a clearly states however, that this fee information I can spell puerile, is fact. It appears that Rag are to cheque worth £205.00 into my bank must not be charged when a service along with a host of other words. receive compensation from the account. When this transaction is card is presented. My service card One thing that was carefully ignored aforementioned societies for the completed after authorisation by had been in Mr Jamieson's hands was the fact that the letter was typed loss of their main publicity resulting telephone, I withdraw the equal for the past fifty minutes. to avoid any confusion over my Tow attendance'. Our main amount from my account. The sum Furthermore, I was later told none 'illegible scrawl'. Although my wit publicity was grossly mistreated, to is used to pay my rent. of those charges apply to students and intelligence are as quick as they the same resulting loss, and yet there appears to be no recompense On the above mentioned day, I anyway. are sharp, alas my fingers are not forthcoming from Felix to cover endeavoured to do the same. This The whole incident was so nimble and I am prone to the odd our losses! time however, my request was conducted in an insulting and typing error. Something you are refused by the cashier. Surprised as unprofessional manner, not one you quite familiar with yourselves In reference to Poddy's further I was, I asked to see the manager would expect from a bank which judging from the amount of opinions, he is neither 'my friend' (Mr Jamieson), who, after a fifteen prides itself on a positive approach mistakes in Felix 925. Apart from nor has ever met me, therefore I minute wait, bluntly refused to cash to students, but more akin to a ICSF's 'Purty Tests' and Poddy's don't feel I need defend my music the cheque or give any further small-time swindler. own Tngorance', you even tastes, however varied they may be. explanation. On pointing out to him I hope this charge and his managed to leave an f off fact in my Perhaps if he had bothered that on the three previous occasions deliberately hostile attitude were own contribution. Other notable attending our event he may have there had not been any problem, he entirely due to his Friday afternoon omissions included an explanation been able to form some opinions for your personal behaviour or the told me, 'the past has nothing to do desire to end business and not a ( based on fact for a change. with the present!'. He added that reflection of his general attitude slightest hint of an apology. As your Finally. I would like to apologise our lack in communication was towards students. Students find it actions seem indefensible I am to the readers who must be as sick probably due to 'our difference in difficult enough to survive in instead subjected to a petty personal of this affair as I am. Hopefully this background (!)'. He also questioned London as it is, without having to attack from fellow members of your letter will be treated in a more my attitude towards college in deal with the unsympathetic staff. mature and sensible manner so the general, of which he has no approach of their bank managers. To clarify matters once and for whole matter can be brought to a knowledge. Yours faithfully, all, unlike the members of Dramsoc long overdue close. Eventually, the matter was solved J Van Hooydonck, Geology 2. and Opsoc whose actions were A D Ham, Vice President IC Rock Society. A Few Misconceptions

Dear Adam, on the grounds of unfairness, the notable's girlfriend's first name as the events of last week. I agreed I just wish to clear up a few merely pricked at his over-inflated was mentioned and its idiosyncratic with every word of the 'Grease' misconceptions that made and over-sensitive ego and revenge spelling resulted in instant review (having seen the show on themselves obvious in your editorial for them was not a motice for the identification; hence the lawsuit on Thursday) but saving it for after the relating to the mass-removal of removal (although they may have the grounds of invasion of privacy, show's run was over would have Felices by C&G in 1987. coloured his judgement). humiliation, using information hurt no one, would have been The reason for their removal was The lawsuit against Felix later obtained from stolen goods (Paddy tactful (a bad review can really mess that Felix had made up and printed that year had nothing to do with Ashdown, take note) etc. The up the performances of non- their own advert for the Guilds news stories but with a column matter was settled out of court. professionals as well as jeopardising Carnival (admittedly because the called 'Blackmail' whose author On a final note concerning the success of a Union event) and C&G publicity team hadn't got their (Delator, where are you now?) had editorial responsibility, the opinions would have avoided last week's arses into gear). The tone of this got hold of a College Notable's expressed in Felix may well not be unpleasantness. advert was such that, although it stolen filofax and had printed those of the editor, and his freedom 'Publish and be damned' can be said that people should go, it was excerpts from the diary concerning from any external pressure over the an extreme policy with extreme feared that a lot of students would horizontal athletics, Galaxy bars contents is sacrosanct (even UGM's side-effects. be turned off the event; hence the and exaggerated claims of staying have said so!), a little discretion and Yours, dawn raid. power. The deal was that the owner thoughtfulness on the part of the Max Kallios, Mech Eng PG (and The news stories, to which Dave of the filofax should pay a ransom editor makes life run so much more one-time Guilds VP). Tyler, the then President objected to Rag or be named. Unfortunately, smoothly and free from such upsets

— 2 — 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Editorial

it is referred on. As a point of Poddy had already had a go and I information, the Felix printer is not thought it unfair to respond as well. paid for his overtime by the Union. Secondly, more important things editoria Instead, he is given time and a half took over the editorial. Poddy is Tim Proctor's letter. moving from what is now the in lieu - ie, for every hour of entitled to his own views, for which Correct. I am the Print Unit Biology Common Room. Printing overtime he can take one and a half he must take responsibility and Manager. But my job is not one of ICU business other than Felix is hours holiday anytime. Last year he which I will neither endorse nor generating publicity for ICU clubs secondary to Felix, and has to be built up several weeks worth of denigrate. - I manage the Print Unit. In the fitted in when there is time. I am overtime which he would never The original letter said I had been purest sense of the word this would under no obligation at all to provide have time to take off, as evidenced rude when faced with Mr Ham. mean maximising profit for the a print service to anybody, but I do by the amount of overtime he had This is quite true. I believe Mr Ham Unit, which would exclude all to help the smoother running of the to do to keep up with the work. entered the office with the offending internal print work, for which we Union. As for the photocopier, if Eventually an amicable Felix, flicked the offending article charge only the cost of the materials you have a spare £100 to call out arrangement was reached, but this with his finger and said T want an and an amount toward the a mechanic who will only draw in year the same thing has started to explanation of this.' That sort of replacement of equipment. You do breath, say 'God, who installed occur. To avoid the situation as per opening gambit is bound to raise my not pay for labour and we operate this? It's got to go,' and disappear last year, he has decided to work off hackles, and by God it did. Sorry. ori a self help basis where possible. like your money will, I would feel the time owed in lieu week by This letter was not couched in such But I work for a student Union, so, vindicated. Likewise I would be week, and the both of us have a way that demanded response as it in fact, I have to deal with hundreds grateful for information as to how decided to cut back on other work. was merely an undisciplined rant - of students' enquiries, ranging from to fix the damn thing. I do not relish This results in three days of printing with an unpleasant personal taint to the completely clueless and inept to paying nearly a £1000 a quarter for per week, of which Felix takes at it. As for 'violating' my duty as the imaginative and enthusiastic. a pile of junk that only rattles and least two, and occasionally three. I editor, 1 understand that that meant Bearing in mind the voluntary smells disgusting when turned on - can't change the laws of space and that I should not have allowed nature of most of the staff in the the service contract was drawn up time, though a proximate action is Poddy's bit to go in. Why not? It Felix Office and Print Unit as well two years ago, since which time the being undertaken to rearrange the goes in for the same reason that I as the wide variety of clients, it is servicing company has gone Print Unit, in co-operation with the allowed both RockSoc letters in. I completely unreasonable to expect bankrupt taking with it our money Union Office. As an alternative to can't go around telling people what a 100% efficient streamlined and a lot of other people's. dumping all overflow print work, to write. My duty as editor is more service. Printing stuff for other it is redirected to Stabur Graphics, I do not know the printing dates of a legal and moral one, to protect bodies started as a favour, as neither a company in which I have no of Guildsheet months in advance. Felix, it's staff and myself from the printing press nor the typesetter financial interest in whatsoever, Indeed last term there were so many legal action caused by inaccurate belong to the Union, but they were who use the Print Unit's equipment last minute changes of publication and defamatory articles, not to ban given to Felix expressly for Felix when the Print Unit's printer isn't, date that I lost count. It is fitted in articles I disagree with. You didn't production in part payment for and who pay the Unit a rent for the when it can be, and when it can't like what went in? Tough. This is privilege. a ludicrous subject and I resent RockSoc letter using up editorial space with it. If Firstly, I did not respond to the you think the quality of Felix is low, RockSoc letter of last week because come and help raise it.

HAIRDRESSERS 15A HARRINGTON ROAD, SOUTH KENSINGTON Rumbling On 071-823 8968 We have a fantastic offer for all you Dear Adam. I actually thought the review was I am appalled at the disregard for not that bad. I am now glad that I students, a cut wash and blowdry other students shown by the didn't see the performance and will by our top stylist members of the 'Grease' crew who certainly avoid future DramSoc stole 3.500 copies of Felix on 31st productions. (which normally costs around £21) January. This was a particularly So, what are the chances of narrow-minded and selfish act justice being done? I'm afraid that For only £11 Men £12 Women which. I believe, should be they are very small due to the punished further. involvement of Ms Hellinger in the Check us out ! No apology, however 'sincere', affair. Yet again she has shown her can replace the hard work of the complete contempt for IC students 'Felix' team or of those who making me wonder why she chose organised the Cluedo event on the to stand for the job in the first place. 2nd of February. The money to be If she had any guts at all she would paid to Rag by the thieves partly have done the decent thing and compensates for the harm done, but resigned by now. But no, she it is surely the principle of the obviously feels that she is not matter that counts. accountable to the student Anyone who believes that they population, something that really have the right to censure Felix must makes my blood boil... Power also believe that they know what is corrupts I suppose. best for us 'lowly' students. Well, Well Adam, I feel sorry for you. 1 for one resent anyone trying to tell It appears that little can be done to me what to do or think. rectify the situation. Our only hope I did try to find the time to see is that more students feel just as Grease on its last night, but was outraged and force the Union to do unable to due to a backlog of work. something. Maybe this is a bit This is despite reading the review optimistic! on Friday 31st (yes, I did find a Yours irately. copy of Felix that was not stolen!). Ian Jones, Biology PG.

— 3 — Felix Felix 926 14 February 1992

knees. Vice-presidents of engineering, Engineers hunt elephants by research and development try hard going to Africa, catching grey to hunt elephants, but their staffs are animals and stopping when any one designed to prevent it. When the of them weighs within plus or minus vice-president does get to hunt 15 per cent of any previously., elephants, the staff will try to ensure observed elephants. that all possible elephants are Economists don't hunt elephants, completly pre-hunted before the but they blieve that if elephants are vice-president sees them. If the paid enough, they'll hunt vice-president does see a non pre- themselves. hunted elephant, the staff will Statisticians hunt the first animal Hunting they see in time and call it an 1. Compliment the vice-president's elephant. keen eyesight, and Consultants don't hunt elephants, 2. Enlarge itself to prevent any Elephants and many have never hunted recurrence anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to adivse those people Senior managers set broad elephant Mathematicians hunt elephants 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope. who do. Operations research hunting policy based on the by going to Africa, throwing out 3. Work northward in an orderly consultants can also measure the assumption that elephants are just everything that is not an elephant, manner, traversing the continent correlation of hat size and bullet like big field mice, but with deeper and catching whatever is left. alternatively east and west. colour to the efficiency of elephant voices. Quality assurance inspectors Experienced mathematicians will 4. During each traverse pass hunting strategies, if someone else ignore the elephants and look for attempt to prove the existence of at (a) Catch each animal seen. will only identify the elephants. mistakes the other hunters made least one unique elephant before (b) Compare each animal caught Politicians don't hunt elephants, when they were packing the jeep. proceeding to step 1, as a to a known elephant. but will share the elephants you Salespeople don't hunt elephants, subordinate exercise. Professors of (c) Stop when match is detected. catch with the people who voted for but spend their time selling the mathematics will prove the them. elephants they haven't caught, for existence of at least one unique Experienced computer Lawyers don't hunt elephants, delivery two days before the season elephant and their graduate programmers modify Algorithm A but they do follow herds around opens. Software salespeople ship students. by placing a known elephant in arguing about who owns the the first thing they catch and write Computer scientists hunt Cairo to ensure that the algorithm dropping. Software lawyers will up an invoice for an elephant. elephants by exercising Algorithm will terminate. Assembly language claim that they own an entire herd Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, A: programmers prefer to execute based on the look and feel of one paint them grey, and sell them as 1. Go to Africa. Algorithm A on their hands and dropping. desktop elephants.

Stress watched as attendants the speakers as the guitar bucked Picking up the plectrum dagger manouevred amplifiers in an eight and groaned from the stroke. Hope from the floor Stress strode over to foot ring around the electric guitar, was in Mercy's face, knowing that the stand and pulled the guitar from boxing it in a wall of noise. Behind two more major chords would be its holder. Feedback yowls swam this circle of lights and power a enough to quell the beast in his around him as he pulled the guitar drummer began to rhythmically, hands. He switched his hands to a holding strap over his shoulders and pound his drums, sending shudders C shape but that's when the guitar swung the instrument around. through the floor as he roused the struck. Feeding power to its strings Gripping the strings Stress struck a D chord. The guitar spat its anger and tried to move his fingers. Stress strode to the nearest amp and thrust The Inner System the guitar before the speakers. The guitar howled and groaned with the beast from its slumbers. Perched on it forced the player to make a pain and Stress took the chance and Chapter 13. a stand under the spotlight the seventh and then, his face racked struck a C, battering the guitar electric guitar's spiky body, neck with fear, Mercy started playing repeatedly with this chord until, his and head seemed to stir and the solo, his fingers dancing up the hands cut with steel, he hit the third Musician. The cable connecting it to the amps fretboard under the control of the chord. shaked restlessly. animal. Faster and faster his fingers The sound echoed around the latest in the Behind Stress the guards pulled danced until, falling to his knees in room, soon being drowned by the Mercy Killing on to the stage and pain, he screamed aloud as the cheers of the prisoners. Stress shoved him towards the circle of guitar forced his fingers to play a dropped the plectrum and played a Troy Tempest power. Sweating with terror the high C. soft chord with his fingers. The prisoner looked up to the crowds The crowd groaned aloud as the battered guitar, surprised at this, let clustered around the balcony and cackling guitar was returned to its his fingers play some more notes. saga. Will it then at the monster in the ring he stand and the broken player was It responded to his touch and Stress had to fight. Clenching his fists he dragged aside, blood streaming began playing a light tune. The strode forward to battle. from his lacerated fingers. gallery was in uproar, the crowd never end? The guitar howled as Mercy 'NOW STRESS MUST PLAY!' beginning to chant. grabbed it from the stand and put The guards unlocked him, 'Play! Play!' the holding strap around him, there dragged him and pushed him into Stress took the guitar holder off, to prevent the guitar escaping. the ring. In the glare of the sat on a stool and played music to Removing a plectrum dagger from spotlight, Stress looked across at the the audience, the guitar responded his pocket Mercy grabbed the neck black shining creature, its smooth happily to his fingers. The prisoners and pressed his fingers down on the finish marred only by the faint clapped along and then with a fretboard to play a D. Wincing from streaks of blood on the fretboard. flourish Stress finished the the pain of the steel wires he struck Inside him the military chemical instrumental and lapped up the the strings with the plectrum. support gland once again received applause. Howls of pain noise erupted from the call to arms. And then the roof caved in. 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Feature

The PhotoSoc exhibition opened on Monday in the Sherfield anteroom. Richard Eyers investigates.

On Monday the annual Photo Soc I have not listed my thoughts on A characteristic technique is not exhibition opened. Fifteen every shot - you can go and make obvious in some of the work, but photographers from both Photo Soc up your own minds - but here is a Andreas Brakoolias has a very and. by invitation, Felix displayed taste of what can be seen. The first definite style. I personally liked his a wide variety of work. Overall the photograph is perfectly chosen, a original work, particularly 'Dusk, standard is very high, though there striking window shot by a relative Greece', but some found it are a couple of obvious exceptions. newcomer to the darkroom, Sarah disturbing, or perhaps disturbed! The 58 photographs fill the Too. It does not hold your attention Similarly, the work of Matthew Sherfield Anteroom comfortably for too long, yet is difficult to Johnson was consistent in style, without overcrowding it. Whoever ignore. This is contrasted by Simon although I dislike the printing of actually hung the prints did well to Bolton's 'Tottenham Court Road', some of his work as they could be make the most of the lighting in which every face tells a story, more punchy. They have a superb available. I overheard some and to which there is great depth. reportage quality. criticism that they were hung too The exhibition is dominated by Of the small collection of colour close together, but it was useful to be able to compare multiple pictures by the same artist, (if you ever doubted that photography is an art, you should visit this exhibition). Photographic Exhibition Technically it was difficult to find fault with most of the prints, which had been in the most part printed by the work of one photographer, prints, 'Statue and Half Dome' by the photographer. This could Alvis Fong. His work is some of the Stef Smith stands out, both due to explain the dominant presence of best I have seen in any exhibition, its quality and considerable size. black and white over colour prints, but unfortunately he has also Also, Steven Kenny's sunrise was but some prints were detracted from entered the worst picture in the satisfyingly simple, though his by the less than competent exhibition. 'Feeding' should never 'evening' could have been better mounting. A small moan perhaps, have been included in an otherwise cropped. but considering the time that must strong collection. A number of Finally, I have to mention Kate have been spent in the darkroom studies in black and white can only Parker's 'Harley-Davidson' and another few minutes could have be described as excellent - 'Repair', 'Iron Horse' by Edward Dunin- been well rewarded. Consequently, accompanying this review, and Wasowicz, purely because I liked most of my comments are restricted 'Houseboat' in particular, drew me them. I would recommend this to personal opinions and perhaps a back again and again. Fong's exhibition to anyone, whether or not few prejudices. Those attending the equipment is somewhat elitist, F3s you are interested in photography, opening on Monday evening had the and F4s, not to mention the use of it caters for a wide range of tastes, advantage of the presence of the a Hasselblad, but his work has and might provoke a few thoughts. photographers who were generally shown that these are only tools, that It closes on 28th February. happy to discuss their work, it is the photographer that makes the Anyone wishing to get involved explaining it where necessary, photograph. His versatility is in the Photographic Society should though I did find the persistent demonstrated with 'Greenery', contact James Evans, Mech Eng II, presence of one particular which is something quite out of the or visit Southside at 1.00pm on photographer a little annoying. ordinary. Tuesday.

— 5 — Music Felix 926 14 February 1992 - Butterfly

to the 'youth' market. But so what? I don't care if they want to spend money on remixing Lloyd. It could be considered a You think I'm going to slag this, public service. It might get a don't you? You think I'm going to government grant, for the good of tear it limb from limb, rip its guts the community, and all that. And it out and eat its inner intestines for does actually sound quite good. No, breakfast. And still be hungry for really. A radical ('radical' is more, and so have a quick snack of underlined in the press release, so kidney for a sort of brunch type I thought it wise to put 'radical' in meal. Preconceptions can be a the review a few times.) remix by dangerous thing. I was going to, someone called Adam Peters. It's actually, but I'm feeling in a general probably so 'radical' that it hasn't good will to the world sort of mood actually been anywhere near Lloyd. today. I was going to slag it for Just as well, I guess. It's really quite being superficial, and just a, no 'radically' pleasant, for Lloyd that doubt expensive, marketing ploy by is. Polydor in order to sell our Lloyd Lise Yates

TONIGHT This space kindly donated by The Sultans Of Ping FC, Poddy's Undefined Space Wish, Wonky Alice. Corporation pic. Mean Fiddler, £6 Lloyd Cole: The Shirt! 'Every week a different hole' Turn right out of Willesden Junction tube, right again, follow the road till you get to the banks, turn left. It is on Paul Daniels' Magic Box your left. It's a rough part of town. This is much more like it. This this issue, and as Felix has to agree lost half of you who have just SATURDAY week is an absolute stormer. with everything any union sadbo rushed out of the lecture theatre and The Sultans Of Ping FC Nothing tonight, of any great note, does or says, I suppose they must off to Kensington High St. to try New Cross Venue, £5 mind. Wendy Page at the be good, and the Sultans Of Ping and find something for the "better" British Snail from Charing Hammersmith Swan, Shorter Than FC. half before he/she/it finds out Cross to New Cross or New Miles in the oT union lounge. Steve But seeing as it is St. Valentine's you've forgotten. Oh, well. On with Cross Gate. Out of the Farrant, a man who knows his Day, you're all off out with your the show. station, and head towards the music (especially pianos) describes loved ones, aren't you? I shouldn't The> Sultans Of Ping FC feature other station. them as 'hot acid jazz' elsewhere in have said that, should I? I've now heavily this week. They're playing TUESDAY on Saturday too, just for those of World Of Twist. you who did remember to book a Camden Palace, £3/£6 restaurant before I wrote this. And Earl's Court, Tooting Bee, for those of you unaware of them, Rayners Lane, North Weald, you need to wear a football shirt, Mornington Crescent. Turn and lie on your back waving your right, right again. feet in the air. Enough said about Insipid Carpets, Airhead, them, I think. Pele. Tuesday. Now your decision Kilburn National, £7 shouldn't be too difficult here. Out of Kilburn tube, turn lnspiral Carpets. 2nd worst live right down the Kilburn road, band on the planet, Airhead, worst and walk for about six years. live band on the planet, and Pele, Nutmeg, Sugarfine really quite good, just to ruin Dandelion things. Borderline Or alternatively, World Of Twist Tottenham Court Road exit 1, are playing at the Camden Palace. turn right, right again, right 1 suppose, if your feeling rich (ie: at Foyles, and right again. didn't have to spend all your cash WEDNESDAY on Valentines) you could go and see The Joshua Trio, John Pele and then mosey along down to Wayne Army. the Palace. Underworld, £5 Nutmeg at the Borderline. Worth Walk out of Camden tube, it if you can't get into the Palace. left hand exit as you come up The support band have a lovely from the tube. Look for The name too. World's End pub. It's next to Wednesday. The Joshua Trio. it. Easy. Absolutely wonderful live. Go and THURSDAY see them. Red Dwarf 5, Holoship Love and a special valentine kiss. BBC2, 9pm Airhead—They're Crap. Poddy Music Ed. On a TV near you.

— 6 — 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Music Borghesia Exodus - Marquee -Dreams in Colour

'Play it Again Sam' records it similarity between the vocal talents should fall neatly into the Eurobeat of lead singer Steve Sowza and the style of dance music. This it fails late, great Bon Scott. The crowd to do completely. Its rather hard to went absolutely potty. There What a wonderfully creative thing describe, being at time orchestral, followed tracks from all four war is. I produces such at others hard edged, but always Not often has the Marquee been this albums, plus three new songs from masterpieces of art, the juices just moving. No. there are no bombs crowded this early in the evening. the recently recorded Force of seem to flow. Recorded during the falling in the background; yes, they With this one-off show being their Habit which is going to be totally civil war in Yugoslavia this do use the odd four letter word; but, first UK appearance in a long, long excellent if this was anything to go collection of ditties was originally who gives a fuck. This may be time, Exodus certainly managed to by. The heaviest and yet the most destined to be used in a dance considered more far out than the pull a crowd well over the legal tuneful I have heard yet from this production called Emotional. But, chances of the Liberal Democrats capacity of 105 Charing Cross band. due to circumstances beyond their winning the election but purely for Road. There was no need to have The pit was full of flailing bodies, control (even British Rail can't do the experience you should by this turned up quite so promptly, the stagedivers were finding ever as good as mortar bombs) we have record. Failing that, it will impress though; Inner Sanctum were a bit more perilous and ludicrous perches the pleasure of listening to it. And the hell out of your flat-mates. on the shit side, to say the least. from which to hurl themselves, and a pleasure it is. Being distributed by Pebbles Quite what they meant by calling then came the Toxic Waltz—Good themselves 'techno-tracks' is friendly violent fun in store for anybody's guess—what we got was all...if you hit the floor you can Gavin Friday second rate power-metal with nasty always crawl'. This remains the shrieking vocals. ultimate moshing ditty. Forget 'Hey, look Avon, it's a spaceship And then: Exodus, who strolled Metallica's pretentious works of with everything we could ever onto the stage to an ecstatic art, forget all this ultra-heavy devil- need, ever'. Come back, Chris welcome, they burst into AC/DC's music, if you want a good time this Boucher. The Fendahl was a Dirty Deeds Done Dirty Cheap, is where it's at. Who says thrash is masterpiece. Incidentally, did you exploiting to the full the uncanny dead? see Agnetha and Anni-Frid (talk Freddy Cheeseworth. It's difficult to take the Well of about alliteration) singing 'Eagle' at Hvergelmir seriously these days. the weekend? Brilliant, eh?. What was once The Mythological Destroy your birthright, Freitag. Apex is now merely a safe haven It's synonymous with You, Too. for anally-retentive and inneffectual Worst pun ever. Bono dog biscuit. gods. Worse, Freya just ain't sexy I applaud your bloody- mindedness, anymore, and I blame Led sir; it's the kinda thing that keeps Zeppelin. All sadly-reduced, babes ya cool, minty fresh and pearly of pathos, existing in the memory white. of the halcyon daze of 'Blake's Fenris-wolf, reporting live from Seven'. Ragnarok. Sugarcubes - Stick Around for Joy by his mere existence. Hit is the only song that really stands out', as a really good song, as chart single material. But that's no help, because they've released that And if you've just joined us the already. score is 1-1, the Sugarcubes scoring There's no emotion any more a goal in the opening minutes, a with The Sugarcubes, that's the move from nowhere, Planet hitting problem. I think. Bjork, the little the net. And then later in the game, pretty one who used to scream a lot, an own goal from Here Today, doesn't scream any more. That was Tomorrow, Next Week. Just their appeal, not just the fact that recently, Hit hit the net, but was they were the only thing ever to disallowed from this for being a 45. come out of Iceland and not attempt The atmosphere is electric here, for to steal our fish, novel though that if the Sugarcubes lose a goal now, concept is. And now it's gone, in they will surely be out of the album the main. So there. They've blown championships. What do you think, it, 1 think. And now back to Brian Lise?' in the commentary box. Thank you Brian. I think they 'It's an album of two sides, I might make it. It's not as bad as think' Here but it's not as good as Lise Yates, with Brian the anything off Planet. And Einar. the Snail. silly one who speaks over The Sugarcubes play Brixton An Icelander stealing a fish. (Bob Hoskins is not everything, still buggers things up Academy on March 7. Icelandic actually.)

— 1 — Reviews Felix 926 14 February 1992 Barton Fink salesman named Charlie Meadows (John Goodman) who seems to embody the virtues of the common man. The Coen brothers wrote Barton Fink while stricken with writer's block during the writing of Miller's Now, how the hell do I class this Crossing (a gangster drama set in film, it's completely genre-less, and the twenties), so they must know there's nothing I've seen that can at what they're talking about, they a hope even hint to this filmy certainly know how to bring the weirdness, I'm telling you, the best out of Turturro, who gives an writers (Joe and Ethan Coen) were oustanding performance, as does on mushrooms when they dreamt Goodman. this little baby up. Oh, special metnion must go to Anyway, about the plot, plot, the Film's soundtrack, which I think yeah,...tricky one that, you see, it's is unsurpassed in creating more of an experience than a plot, atmosphere, apparently there are intertwined with a real plot and only 20 bars of music in the whole oodles of confusion (sounds film, with only rhythmic section weird—you should see the film!). coming when Fink finally begins to Well, let's have a stab write and you can hear the any way,...picture a man going on percussion instruments grooving to a journey beyond sight and sound, the typewriter strokes. he's left New York (where he \ 'adrift A great movie, which has too enjoyed overnight fame for his new he sets aside his qualms about struggles to carry out his first many surprises to keep you sane, play, a celebration of the common pandering to a mass audience and assignment for the studio, despite and will leave you exhausted and man), he's entered, Hollywood, moves to LA, where as a a terminal case of writer's block and utterly confused. dah, dah, daaaahhh. It's 1941 and concession to his social conscience, the intrusions of his neighbour, (not Barton Fink (John Turturro) is he checks into a rather seedy hotel. your run of the mill Ramsey Street offered a screen-writing contract, There, during a brutal heatwave, he kind mind you) an affable, talkative Poo.

A Night at My Girl Tunesia

Chlumsky stars as Vada, a young girl who lives with her widowed father (Dan Aykroyd), and eccentric grandmother in the funeral home her father owns. A hypochondriac, Vada is always claiming to be suffering from one Just recently the cinema has of the ailments that plagued her A Night at Tunesia is the title of a succumbed to a phenomena that father's late clients, and it is not song by Dizzy Gillespie and of a seemed to have lain dormant since until the entrance of Jamie Lee new play by Paul Sirett at the the late forties.. The phenomena in Curtis (as the make-up artist who Theatre Royal Stratford East. On question is that of the 'child star'. doesn't know that she's going to be two parallel time levels, 60s and This last year has seen movies such working with the deceased), that 90s, it tells the story of a jazz as Problem Child, Curly Sue and of things really begin to change. musician that doesn't quite make it. course Home Alone, sky-rocket The movie chronicles one There is not much more to say their young stars to unimaginable particular summer in nineteen- it is nicely played with Chlumsky about the play, but the production fame and glory, as well as ensuring seventy-two, when Vada learns demonstrating considerable talent, has some nice features: A very their bank balances will remain in about friendship, love, death, and Mr Culkin (definitely not in his slanted, askew stage, and nine live a healthy state for quite some time, growing up and the possibility that 'brat' persona), showing that jazz numbers. In all, go see it if you (well, at least until they are in their Jamie Lee Curtis is going to be her despite his youth, he does have want to see a light, showy play. mid-teens). new mother. considerable skill as an actor. It's Including the travelcard, it is still Macauly Culkin, pint size star of The friendship between Vada and difficult to know what sort of cheaper than your local Cannon. the aforementioned Home Alone, her best friend Thomas J (Culkin), audience My Girl is aimed at, as the Theatre Royal Stratford East, now features in Howard Zeiff s new is mirrored by the growing movie may be a touch too dramatic Gerry Raffles Square, near movie My Girl. In this particular relationship between Aykroyd and for younger members of the Stratford Station. Until Feb 29. movie however, Mr Culkin is not Curtis, and so the scene is set for audience. Having said this Tickets £3-12, concessions £2 the star, but provides support for a few nice comic moments, a touch however, My Girl does make a bookable in advance. BO 081-534 another young actress who I'm sure of genuine drama and a fairly fairly entertaining night out for 0310. will, (quite deservedly) go on to generous helping of 'sweetness'. couples and family alike. greater things. My Girl does suffer from some Eleven year-old newcomer, Anna rather over-sentimental scenes, but Rav. Boris.

— 8 — 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Reviews The Favour, the Watch and the Very Big Fish Comedy? Sigh,....,hum... out of the very prison he was put very big one.). Although it only lasts 8-9 into for attacking the violinist, Being technical, the camera work minutes, it seemed to drag, not a tomorrow. Louis ends up meeting is first class with shots of Paris that drag which would be in 17' tall the Pianist, who, surprise, slap my you don't normally see as a tourist. neon letters and adjoining a grill and thigh, is the perfect Christ. There again, as the film just wasn't tapas bar, but a vaguely tedious, Yippeee! The plot holds together. funny enough, no matter of good alright to see on the telly drag. Unfortunately the Pianist starts character work, excellent shots and The main character is our Bob believing his own divinity, does bizarre scenarious could make up Hoskins, Louis Aubinard, a some dodgy miracles whilst trying for that fact. devotional photographer who has to to kill Syb and Louis, Louis If I'd paid £6 to see it, the Big find a model for 'The Epic Christ meanwhile is trying to find Syb and ' Bronze Bap would not be happy, on the Cross Scene' or bye bye job, oh it's a mixed up world and no although I'd still try to nick a poster hello unemployment and eating cat mistake. Since it's a romance Syb from the undergound. food city. He finds himself standing and Louis end up snogging. Vital statistics: Baps zero, breasts in for an actor friend at a dub-over But as it was a comedy, where nil. blood no pints, no car chases, session, at, get this, a porno studio, were all the jokes? Lots at the no fights or chopsocky; one star. wacky huh? This is where the beginning and funny ones too, Trie Big Bronze Bap says don't romance comes in, no, not the humping goats etc, lots that were pay £6 to see it. porno film Flame or I like it up the subtle too and good throwaway bum, oh you're so big inside me lines (what sort of fish is that? A The Big Bronze Bap. ©Steve W! but his co-actress, Sybil (Natasha Richardson). Actually I much preferred her in the Ken Russell film Gothic, now there's a film with a good bap, breast and "Oh Dear'; said the lady sitting next blood count, four stars, the BBB to me as the film ended. The Big says, check it out anyway. Louis Bronze Bap was likely to agree. falls headlong for Sybil (willy long According to the promo, the film as well) and she for him (but not so was an 'off beat romantic comedy much of the willy). featuring a cast of eccentric and As the day progresses she reveals bizarre characters'. Oh yeah? Guess (ooer) her past (only her past) to whose nose just grew 3 feet. Louis and her abortive romance to Yum! Sinus problems. the Pianist, aborted only by her Being fair and looking at its enslavement to a diabolical promises, violinist. Argh. (This is the bit Bizarre? Yes. where the favour and watch come Eccentric? All right, yes. into play). But, and there's where Romantic? A snog or two. the plot thickens, the Pianist is due

them rough girls from the London underworld of 1605, who, staging a play, break the law in an The Crucible emanzipatory act. But this does not hurt the show at all. McCarthy's Un-American The Young Vic Theatre. 66 The Original stage props and Activities Committee—it is still a Cut (near Waterloo tube station). costumes, highly theatrical lighting good enough play to make you Until 22.2.92. Box Office on and brilliant acting on most parts shiver for the cold logic with which 071-928 6363 make this slimmed down three hour people are hanged even after the Boris Springborn version of Hamlet quite an trials have become an apparent experience. As for the acting I farce. The play is produced by the should mention they have an Salem, Massachusets, 1662: A Young Vic Youth Theatre incredibly funny Polonius, and town of Puritans, mostly farmers Company, which gives 15-25 year The Roaring Hamlet—well I guess you just have and landowners. They live a quiet old amateurs the opportunity to Girl's Hamlet to see her. So what is the effect of life of hard work and prayer. The actively learn about theatre. Not an all feminine cast? Well, after the bible rules. A group of girls are surprisingly then the quality of the action had started, it didn't really caught dancing in the woods at night acting ranges from amazing to poor, strike me anymore. What remained with a slave from Barbados but the production's major flaw is was a weird sensation that practising voodoo rites. This causes a sloppy direction (by Karen something ain't right, which goes turmoil. A court is adjourned, and Stevens and Chris White). There is quite well with the play. Go see it. the accused have the choice of not enough differentiation between The only drawback: It's in confessing and accusing others or most characters and hardly any Croydon. being hanged. capacity was allowed for a climax. Imagine an all women performance The Roaring Girl's Hamlet by This is basically the story of Right from the opening scene, of Hamlet! That's what The Spinx at the Warehouse Theatre Arthur Miller's The Crucible, everybody is panicking, rarely can Roaring Girl's Hamlet is, produced Company, right next to East one sense the solemnity of the which is playing at the Young Vic by Sphink (ex Women's Theatre Croydon BR, until 23 Feb. For puritans. Many chilling lines are Theatre. Although the play has lost Group). There is a little frame story times and prices call 081-680 4060. lost in the overall tumult. its immediate topicality- to explain the unusual cast. It makes Boris.

— 9 — Feature Felix 926 14 February 1992

The mountainous north of his turban. When I arrived he was followed the dirt road into the Pakistan is a land of legend and sitting cross legged on the floor of mountains along the Gilgit River I mystery. It is a land where three his open fronted shop. Sacks of passed around the bag of walnuts great mountain ranges: the Pamirs, walnuts and dried apricots leant that Nazir had given me. In the the Hindu Kush and the against the dusty walls and tins of fading light the river seemed like a Karakorums meet in a vast cooking oil towered precariously by fallen ribbon of the dark sky lying explosion of vicious towering peaks the back door. I introduced myself across the valley floor below. The and sharp grey crags. It is a land and asked about the jeep to Gupis mountains reared up around us and where frantic streams weave across the following day. Nazir smiled, we travelled in the trough of some the earth like veins of quartz and exposing a few lonely teeth, and monstrous frozen wave. As it began along their paths they have carved promised that the next day he would to rain they lost their sharpness and deep valleys into the yielding rock. send me to Gupis for 60 rupees. the darkness became absolute. In mid-October of last year, as a Inshallah. Our headlights cut white cones into the driving rain and the four of us huddled together on the pile of cement bags and filing cabinets in Demons and Stones the back of the jeep. We were cold, wet and sore. In front of us, picked out in staccato black and white, stood an old Bailey bridge. It straddled a river that was invisible below us in the swirling black. The bridge was barely a skeleton, with only a metal girder chassis remaining. As we inched over it, our wheels slipping on the wet beams with impervious strips of night and the roaring noise of unseen water between them. There was a crash followed by the squeal of rubbing metal and our vehicle lurched over to its left nearly pitching us four into the greedy river. The jeep stopped and we carefully climbed down onto the bridge to find it resting on its axles with its two left wheels hanging in space. We were already halfway over and luckily the two right wheels retained their tenuous grip on the bridge. The rain had reached epic proportions now and we slipped repeatedly as the four of us struggled with our shoulders against the fully laden jeep while the driver and his mate shouted encouragement from the warm cab.

Eventually we got it back on the part of an expedition to investigate The next morning, at 8.00am, I bridge and set off again. It was now Peter Wright the Mongol Empire and its legacies, walked up the damp road to Nazir's very late and obvious that we I found myself deep within this shop. The sky above was an wouldn't get to Gupis that night, so explores stone stark and isolated world. Here, in unbroken grey into which the the driver suggested that we stop at the small town of Gilgit, in a surrounding mountains gradually Gakutch village. We all readily cramped and musty bookshop on dissolved. Nazir was again sitting agreed and as we rounded the circles in the bazaar street, I came across a on the floor of his shop. He was corner, beyond the bulk of rock, we certain book. Written in the 1890s writing receipts for the boxes and saw the lonely light of Gakutch tea by a British Army Colonel, John sacks which were then loaded into house. northern Biddulph, it was a personal survey the back of the ancient blue jeep After a cup of glutinously sweet of the north of Pakistan and its parked outside. Judging by the weld tea we were given charpoys and people. In one chapter was a lively marks on the body, it looked like thick blankets under a large straw Pakistan description and accompanying the jeep had broken completely in roof. There were no walls and the illustration of an ancient stone circle half at least twice before. wind whistled through pulling in the region of a village called The driver came into the shop, strands of rain with it. Drops of Gupis, a day's journey from Gilgit. shook my hand vigorously and told water fell from the none-too- Always one to be intrigued by the me to come back at 10.00am as he substantial roof and I had to sleep mysterious, I set out to find them. had to have some more work done in a curious zig zag position with I was told by my hotel manager on the jeep. the blanket over my head to avoid that Nazir, a shopkeeper with a As it turned out we didn't actually getting soaked. store on Gilgits Punial Road, had leave until 3.30pm. Nazir blamed All through the night wild dogs a cargo jeep going to Gupis the the delay on 'stupid engineers'. I'm fought in the yard outside and it was following day. So I went to find sure he had one less tooth this time. a relief to be roused an hour before him. The back of the jeep was packed dawn. The rain had stopped but it He was an old willowy man with level with cargo up to the cab roof was icy cold as we climbed back a large hooked nose and yellowy and I shared an unstable perch up onto the wet top of the jeep. white hair that stuck out from below there with three others. As we On the way to Gupis the driver

—10— 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Feature pulled up at his brother's house, a together we trudged up into the collection of rickety stone buildings cliffs behind the village. My guide ringed by a complex maze of dry spoke no English and set off at a stone walls. We had a breakfast sprint which I struggled to keep up there of cups of salt tea and greasy with. I felt ashamed of my Italian pancakes soaked in cooking oil. I leather Vibram soled walking boots politely choked down the waves of as he powered ahead sockless in a nausea that overcame me as my pair of cut off rubber Wellingtons enthusiastic host forced more and several sizes too big. more pancakes and oil down me. I We climbed to a gently sloping was grateful when I was allowed to plane covered in brown sand and stop eating. black glazed rocks and from here A few hours later we arrived in scrambled down a loose slope of the village of Gupis, a small scree onto the spur of land at the conglomeration of the usual dry confluence of the Gilgit and Yassin stone huts clinging to the banks of Rivers. There stood the stone circle, the Gilgit River. I bought the driver lonely and almost daunting as the another cup of salt tea and he incessant twisting crash of the rivers explained to me that he had heard wound around its large boulders, of some stones similar to the ones smoothed by the constant flow of that I was seeking a further 10km water and stained brown by time. upstream on the other side of the It was possible to believe that the river. I thanked him and he told me perfect 8 metre circle was entirely to be outside the village shop at a creation of nature, that tiny 7.00am the next morning if I currents of water, breaths of air and wanted a lift back to Gilgit. vibrations of the ground had I set off along the riverside road conspired over the millenia to give surrounded by tall beech trees birth to this monument. cloaked in autumnal browns and In form the circle resembled a yellows. After a two hour walk I table, the centre being solid and flat could see the village of Khalti on the stones having been arranged as a opposite bank, perched on the top with large ones on the outside edge dishing down to small ones in As we spoke a small tape the centre of the slightly concave blared out a continuous loop of the hollow. I took some pictures and 'Dallas' theme tune. Mohammed did a drawing but my guide was insited that I listen to Western music obviously uneasy and kept urging and when I said that Pakistani music me to leave. was fine he just turned the volume After a further half an hour I gave up. in to my guide's, by now, frantic An hour later, my ears still sign language and we left this ringing with American soap music, curious site about which nothing is I was shown to my bed. I layed known except that there are similar down and pulled the heavy quilt ones further up the Yassin Valley. over me and Mohammed's father The locals, however, have their came and layed another four on top. own ideas; as I was to find out later The weight was so much that I that night. could barely move beneath them but Back in Khalti I paid my guide I soon drifted off to sleep. narrow shelf of land below and was immediately whisked off to At 4.00am Mohammed shook me precipitous brown cliffs. The river the house of Mohammed Ayub. He awake and after breakfast had me here was deep and green and wide was waiting for me as I walked into down to the river and on the raft so and afforded the only crossing point the village. A tall, well built man I would have plenty of time in for some distance in either in his early thirties he spoke very which to get back to Gupis for my direction. The crossing was carried good English and insisted that I ride to Gilgit. out on a rather sorry looking raft come with him to drink tea. The sky was still completely night built from a plank of wood and two As darkness fell I was invited to and as Mohammed pulled us across lorry innertubes. It was hauled from stay the night and accepted the silent inky water I held a bank to bank by two ropes and to gratefully. Dinner was served next paraffin lamp aloft like another star. cross the river I had first to bargain to the big black iron stove with the On the far side I said goodbye to with the rope puller on the other whole family in attendance but only my host, we shook hands standing side. This was done by means of an myself eating. As I spoke to on the impassive road and I began agent who screamed my offers of Mohammed his little brothers and to walk back through the dark. payment over the river where they sisters ran around us shrieking and After ten minutes I turned and were at first met with howls of yelling. Mohammed explained to behind me I could see the bright derisive laughter. Eventually a fee me quietly that the circle I had point of Mohammed's lamp in the was agreed upon and I was floated visited was a very dangerous place middle of the river- In front of me unsteadily across to Khalti. as a powerful demon called Mirza the mountains were beginning to It took me a further hour and a Katchut lived there. The stove rise from their slumber as the sun half to explain to a group of curious blazed warmly as Mohammed's began to gently brush them with villagers what I was looking for. father spoke through him to tell me depth and colour. Firstly I tried drawing pictures in of how his own father had been Something caught my eye on the the sand but finally succeeded by captured by the demon in the form slope to the right. I turned to see a making a small model from of a big black dog and imprisoned large black dog sitting on a rock. pebbles. inside the stones for a day before It watched me walk to the sunrise A reluctant guide was found and he could escape. with unflinching eyes.

— 11 — TO MY darling (NH). My love SARAH & SIMON G. SAM—I love to hold you, I'll for you grows more and more Congratulations on your love you forever. each day—it won't be long engagement. When's the before I say: I do! love you. wedding? J—Get them off so I can Love hugs & kisses me! inspect the gussets! G CATHY—I want to press your . Watcher. DARLING Declan, Is it little buttons. truuueee... I have competition. TO MY CUTE Polly Bear. John Cole. 'JONATHAN'—have you had You 're so strong and so your stains informed upon hunky. Let's make beautiful KITTEN For, I've never loved recently—Love the Gusset jigsaws together. Absolutely anyone as much as I love you. Watcher! all my love. Lisa Simpson. I'll never be a nasty pasty again. Kiss me. Love Minnow. A.M., I would rearrange the TO MY ONE and only heavens for you. Johnson Boo, HOWARD JONES, 'Like to Where do I begin get to know you well!'. TJ—Why don't you notice the To tell the story of how special smiles I give you ?! Sweet our love can be DEAR D. O. 's. Somebody Desperately in love, EE. (If only you '11 let me) Where loves you—we just have to do I start? keep looking! S.N. HOWARD-We have the My heart palpitates photos, I'm sure David At the very sight of you JO—would you show me some Bellamy would be interested! Your smile lights up my day knots? I often look at you from afar MICHELLE—I want to put my and silently I pray that VW Verde. A bit cold for a minibus in your garage. You '11 be my valentine passion-wagon, but I suppose Forever Yours, you don't have to draw the LITTLE MIN, you 're my Pomtip. C. curtains. favourite person ir\ the entire world and I love you so much M—will you oil my gasket? TOBY—I never expected that I could eat you whole. With Love Knob. when I was bought! lots of kisses from your little dear eyes. THE FRENCH baton-I love EMMA—you 're just too cute. your tattoos! Pinky. H.J.—So suave, so ZOE—Please come and whisk sophisticated. So cultured. HOWARD—Haagan Das, with us away again. Felix. So.... REAL chocolate chips. Remember? J.P. DOG SNOOPY—I want to H.A.J.—Europa just isn't the sniff you all over, I love you same without you. HEDGEHOG. He he haw he. so much. Dog Sniffer xxx. This means I love you. Yes— KNOB—MY Garage is already it's me again. Aren't I sneaky! JEREMY—I'm sorry but you full. He he haw he. Love magic don't look like a Double D chunky. Cup to me. R. J.J. Jack—Get your rocks off. H. MEL—your smile makes me MOG DINNO, The wide warm inside. mouthed frog thinks you 're the SIMON—When your red light sexiest person alive, and will is on are you in business? JENNIFER, why do you run love you forever. away from my hand cuffs? DOG MINNOW—guess who ANDY CAP—Where's your C. and guess what? Woof miaow tartan doobrey gone? This is not a love song eek. See you in my bed after A fool he left his wife my exam. Tonight is definitely WHO'D NEED dogs or She cursed his name the night! Love you to bits. teddybears anyway if they had While she mourned Love filthy the dog. you—Love P. He lived One day he woke alone and SARAH—I'll always be here PODDY. found to hold your hand. I love you—Poddy. He was one friend short. Talk to me—the silence is REMEMBER which room RICHARD—How many ways deafening (hall) is yours, Adrian! do I love thee? Let me recount This is not a love song (Sweet). them...erm...erm, hang on, S. I'll think of some in a minute! MAX—Why don't you like me Love in an elevator. PUSSYCAT come and cuddle eating carrots?! Love from up next to my fire. JB. your fluffy bunny. HUGGLES Stef. FAT BLOKE—I love you. BARRY—To get a Purity Test ADAM—/ love you, but I wish You 're really very silly. But I score that low, surely you you'd let me out of this bucket love you. You make me really have to have done things withmore often! M. happy. The one with the slim animals or buses! From and sleek bulbous calves, obvious! H. J.—Latex! xxxx.

A.M. Will you be my 'local 18 ZOE—I love you, you sexy HOWARD JONES yr old versatile slave'? presidential type. I love you Dovis Happy-Bunny S.W. SMALLI PAULY, tonight's the night—I'm coming in your HOWARD, DEAREST LIZZY the lizard, I bed. Watch out! Nice and fat How I've gazed longingly at feel a whole plethora of love the back of the lecture theatre,for you. And I want to waiting for you to arrive. plethora all over! And I'll feel MUNGO—You should still be When will I see you again ? this way forever and ever and here; I'll 'love you forever'. J. P. ever. Lots of love, Zest Incisors. TOBY— 'Don't ask me about SEX BOMB, stay with me the shower hose' Jones. Next forever. Snugglepups. P. Learn to fly, leave the nest time don't let my boyfriend and I'll take you to new see you leaving my room, he MY FAVOURITE Beeb Sniffer, heights. S. might tell Annie. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I haven't had time EMMA—stop smoking. Love, I'M HARD and crunchy, to do anything more romantic your mum. Yet soft and furry, for you this year, so I'm When you stroke me, sorry. Love you to bits, yeast S. Hugs, warmth and I go all purry! scissorhands. cuddles—S.

HOWIE, CLIVEY BABY-we 6'5", mousy hair, live in Beit. Ripped jeans! Corr, what love your boxer shorts. Phwoar what a body. Marge. gorgeous legs you've got. PS. Can we drop crumbs on your floor? A.M., giggle, giggle. Feature Felix 926 14 February 1992

'Selamat datang', directly Carried by probably the fastest some battle scenes. This very translated from the indigenous supersonic jet, your flight to dramatic dance form is Malay means 'welcome upon your London Heathrow Airport (i.e. the accompanied by the throbbing drum safe arrival', shows an extension of show) is estimated to take two beats of gongs, tambourines and Malaysian hospitality and hours. Treated as an honoured angklings (a percussion instrument cordiality. For Malaysia itself is an guest, you are now on board one of made from bamboo). The 'Ulek exquisite jewel of tropical paradise the most luxurious flights (let alone Mayang' dance drama is probably and arguably the most beautiful the imagination). Instead of the most favourite dance amongst piece of land on earth. From coral showing you movies, we have the IC Malaysian students. This reefs and sun-bleached sands, to specially employed a cast of 30 dance visualises the romance white-water rapids and rubber Malaysians to give you a live between a young fisherman and a plantations; from surreal limestone performance. You will be presented mystic procession. It begins with outcrops to pressure-cooker coastal with a series of most graceful and seven fishermen going out to sea, resorts..., you name it, we got it. spectacular traditional dances, a and one of them was killed in a Sponsored by Malaysia Airlines, rich and exuberant fashion show, storm and his body subsequently Malaysian Society is for the second haunting tunes and sensational washed ashore. Seven mystic time presenting the annual sketches. So just sit back and relax, princesses then appeared and brought him back to life by their magical powers. The next dance is the 'Wau Bulan' (Moon kite). A Malaysian Paradise 'Wau' or kite flying is serious business in the East Coast of Malaysia. Some of these ceremonial kites may be over ten feet in height! They are made from bamboo and paper and though heavily decorated, are still aerodynamically feasible and aesthetic. The Wau Bulan dance is usually performed by the youth as a pastime after the harvest. In fact, the Wau Bulan also conceives the supreme honour of being selected as the logo of the national air carrier, Malaysia Airlines.

Malaysia's rich cultural heritage is evident in the colourful variety of customs and festivals of different ethnic groups who have their home here. Lastly descendants of immigrants from China, the Indian Subcontinent and Sri Lanka, together with the aboriginal Malay, the people have gradually acquired a distinct identity as Malaysians while retaining their traditional cultures, customs and festivals. For a change of taste, we will be demonstrating the ancient art of Chinese calligraphy. But before that, we like to tell you a remarkable story behind it. In 1695, a medical shop-keeper called Wang Yi-young of the Shan Tung Province in China discovered that there were some cryptic inscriptions engraved on the pieces of bones that Malaysian Variety Show, hence its and let us fill your senses to the he was selling. He probably never Han Mien Kho name 'Flight MH 002'. To brim. knew that those inscriptions are in welcome you, we will serve you the Together with special lighting fact what we now know as the most exotic Malaysian cuisine. You effects, our gifted musicians will earliest forms of Chinese writing. and Abdul will be thrilled by 'Ayam Masak bring vitality to the night by a rather They are part of the archives of the Merah' (a traditional mild chicken lavish opening ceremony (details Shang royal house, the first curry) with 'Nasi Minyak' (Rice are yet to be uncovered). Our 'state- Malek Said on historical dynasty (1500-1027BC), blended with herbs and oil). Also of-the-art' performances will and comprise questions put to the you will find 'Acar' (preserved comprise three cultural dances, oracle through the mediumship of vegetables) irresistable. Alongside namely 'Kuda Kepang', 'Ulek the Malaysian priests-scribes-diviners, together a wide range of other dishes, Mayang' and 'Wau Bulan'. Kuda with the oracular verdicts. Three including the vegetarian, we are Kepang is a traditional dance that and a half thousand years has presenting authentic delicacies from commemorates Javanese men who Variety Show elapsed since then, Chinese home, so don't mistreat yourself. spread the Islamic faith in the calligraphy too, has transformed After the exhilarating meal, a interior land of Java. They rode on tremendously. This is chiefly due to 'Flight MH 002' glance at the most sophisticated TV horseback and told dramatic tales of the advances in technology and screens at Subang International battles to attract the interest of increasingly flourished schools of Airport, Kuala Lumpur, you are people. The dance is performed by thought of the scholars. Here we kindly requested to be on board dancers astride 'two dimensional' will perform Xing Shu—the most Flight MH 002 (Great Hall...!). horses made of hide. They act out

— 14— 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Feature

widely used style of handwriting. It crisps and peanuts!) will be sold. wax is then boiled away. The was invented in the late Han Japanese Society may kindly help process is repeated a few times, Dynasty (206BC-220AD), which, out in the sale of their delicious resulting in free-flowing chromatic translated literally means 'of the Sushi and refreshing green tea. designs. The fashion show will running hand'. As its name The fashion show is essentially a prove to be'one of the highlight suggests, the calligraphy is dextrous live display of a kaleidoscopic events of the night. and quick in action, beautiful and collection of 'Batik'. Batik means What about the sketch? It is a dynamic in perception. 'drawing art with wax'...since batik sorrowful and touching tale based During the interval, our MH 002 is a wax resistance method of on the Malaysian village life in the will stop over at an imaginary dyeing. Wax is applied in patterns 1950s. Conflict of interests and foreign land, probably Tokyo, over which dyes are sprayed, thus jealousy between a real son and an Japan. Duty free goods (Coke, protecting the area it covers. The adopted son touches off a progression of hatred, emnity and eventually leads to the expulsion of the latter from the family. The most melodramatic part is the eventual repentance of the real son, but he was left with his fault unforgiven, forever. As for the musically inclined people, you will be in for a treat. jfebi There will be performances ranging caje oar from acoustic guitars to high tech sythesisers and music from the Open lOam-llpm exotic gongs to western blues. Monday - Friday Almost half of the music in store are the original works of our members. The music combines melodious HAPPY HOUR 6-7pm eastern tunes backed by modern and orchestral echoes. The vocals are as Sol 95p vibrant. An all-acoustic band, two Becks 90p solo singers and a vocal group will be singing hit songs of Malaysia and Gin & Tonic £1.05 abroad. The night will end with an authentic evergreen song called Glass of Wine 65p 'Rasa Sayang', one of our traditional ways of saying goodbye. The song will also incorporate a few LIVE MUSIC verses of poems (Pantun), bringing the message of everlasting Wednesday, Thursday & Friday friendship and happiness. Nights Featuring: Fascinating? Well, you have not 'Out of the.Blue' seen anything yet! Do come on board our Flight MH 002 for a & glimpse of our rich traditions and 'The Broccoli Bros' heritage and a journey enhanced with our warmth and friendly 100 CROMWELL ROAD persona. TEL: CHRIS on 071-373 2222 ext 3002 Han Mien Kho, Civ Eng 1 Abdul Malek Said, Maths 1 Feature Felix 926 14 February 1992

Health Organisation (WHO) had includes sharing 'works' to inject a received reports of over 305,000 drug, repeated use of medical people with AIDS from 179 injection equipment for more than countries, but they estimate that the one patient, and re-use of true number of cases is likely to be acupuncture, tattooing", or body more than 800,000 with between' piercing needles without proper APPY «y 8-10 million infected with HIV. sterilisation. Very rarely, accidental The majority of people with HIV injury with contaminated needles infection do not have AIDS, so HIV has transmitted HIV to a health Fox infection is more common than worker. AIDS. The WHO estimates that 3. In the past, from blood 65% of all global HIV infections transfusion and products made from have resulted from heterosexual blood used to treat haemophilia. intercourse. 4. From mother to baby, before The number of people in the UK (and perhaps during) birth. After NCURABLE who have been tested and are birth, HIV may rarely be therefore known to be infected with transmitted by breast feeding. HIV is 16,248. The total number carrying the virus has been Certain sexual activities or drug- estimated to be as many as 100,000 using activities that are able to of which 5,191 had been officially transmit HIV from one person to reported as having AIDS by another are called 'high risk September 1991. activities'. Even then, it must be In the UK the proportion of remembered that for exposure to ALENTINE people infected with HIV differs occur, one person must already be HIV—if you asked people in the however they are a sign that the between regions and between infected by HIV. street what those three letters mean immune system is not working different groups of people. HIV is not transmitted by insect to them, most of them would tell properly. 44% of people with haemophilia bites, nor through coughing or you it was a disease related to- However, a number of people (who are usually male) were sneezing, swimming pools or toilets AIDS, some may even know the infected with HIV will go on to infected by 1985, before the seats as insufficient amounts of symptoms or how it can be develop AIDS. AIDS stands for contamination of donated blood was virus are present. transmitted but few would know all Acquired Immune Deficiency controlled. This is known to involve the facts or realise just how many Syndrome. 'Acquired' refers to any approximately 1,200 people. What do you think? people are affected by it. condition which is not present at People who have injected drugs Whenever something unknown HIV stands for Human birth. 'Immune deficiency' means have rates of infection from under happens, people react in different Immunodeficiency Virus. If the that the body's immune system, 2% in some regions to 70%, with ways—horror, compassion, guilt virus gets into the bloodstream of which fights off illnesses, is not the highest proportion found in and plain incomprehension. When a person, it begins to attack the working efficiently. AIDS is not a Edinburgh. AIDS was first identified in 1981, white blood cells (T4 cells). These single disease: it is a 'Syndrome'— Gay men attending sexually and HIV isolated two years later, cells form part of the immune or-group-of specific infections and transmitted disease (STD) clinics most of us experienced these system and help to prevent the body cancers, which occur because the have rates of infection from less reactions. There was talk of 'guilty' from getting diseases. HIV enters body's immune system has been than 2% to 25%, depending on the and 'innocent' people, or a 'plague' the T4 cells and makes them compromised. clinic, i and of a disease 'punishing' people. produce more of the virus which The condition that we now Other heterosexual people with But how can people be guilty of eventually kills the T4 cells. recognise as AIDS was first HIV infection have been infected having an illness, and how can a Eventually there are not enough T4 reported in the USA in 1981. abroad. Heterosexual spread of virus be said to punish certain cells to protect the body from Between June and November of mat HIV also occurs among injecting sectors of society? People with infection. year, 159 reports of people with drug users and their sexual partners. AIDS, or who are HIV-positive, are The majority of people with HIV AIDS were received. Three In the UK, the great majority of no more victims of a vicious virus infection show no signs of illness quarters of them come from three people known to be infected with than people who catch a cold. One and will look and feel well and major US cities and 95% were gay HIV are gay and bisexual men and thing that AIDS has meant is that healthy. Some people . may men. The first reports of AIDS in haemophilacs. However, this trend everyone has to be honest, to admit experience symptoms shortly after the UK were in London in is changing. Injecting drug users to the past and to realise that the infection. These many include night December 1981. and heterosexual men and women morality of sexual relationships has changed. The one-night stand now sweats, swollen glands, weight loss There were, undoubtedly, people represent an increasing percentage means more than simply fun—it or a persistent cough. These with AIDS before 1981, but careful of those with HIV infection. During could mean one person passing on symptoms are very similar to those retrospective studies have shown 1990-1991 the numbers of HIV a virus that can develop into a series associated with the common cold or that it was rare and affected few carriers rose by 17 % in homosexual of cruel diseases. flu. The virus may lie dormant for people compared to the numbers men, 36% in heterosexual men and up to ten years before any signs now involved. AIDS must have 93 % in women. 70% of people with We have to work out a code of become apparent. been exceedingly rare before the HIV in the UK are in London and conduct that encourages honesty, Other people may go on to mid-1970s anywhere in the world. there are about 150 new cases of and admit U» our weaknesses. AIDS develop further symptoms of their AIDS now occurs in most HIV every month—which is about means that everyone has to think HIV infection including persistent countries. The number of people 5 per day. about what their actions mean for swelling of the lymph glands in the with AIDS varies enormously HIV is not easily passed from themselves in terms of feelings and neck, armpits and groin, continuous between countries, but most of them person to person. The virus is not health and for the well-being of tiredness, unexplained weight loss, come from large towns rather than 'caught' in the same way as diseases others. continuous dry cough not related to rural areas. like chicken-pox or 'flu'. It is smoking, diarrhoea, thrush, Worldwide, most people with transmitted through: Further information unexplained bleeding, shortness of AIDS are heterosexual men and If you would like more information breath, cold sores, night sweats and women. However, in the developed 1. Sexual contact, especially anal or advice you can phone the fevers. countries, AIDS has first affected and vaginal intercourse. However, National AIDS helpline at any time. The development of any of these gay men, haemophiliacs and not all sexual activities are risky. The number is 0800 567123 and all symptoms does not mean that you injecting drug users. 2. Shared use of needles and calls are free and entirely will go on to develop AIDS— By December 1990, the World syringes may transmit HIV. This confidential.

—16— 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Clubs & Societies Ballroom Dance Champions Saturday 1st February, saw the start the semi-finals, where the sheer However a truly awe inspiring what were the dances? Waltz and of the first of the three annual gracefulness of Colin and Joanne performance from Alex and Quickstep! We hurled Colin and university dancing competitions. justified their tie for second place. Shelagh and Mark and Max Joanne, our strongest waltz couple, The Imperial College Dance Club Despite stiff competition in the deservedly gained them 1st and 3rd onto the floor and Cambridge sent took three teams - each team Latin section, Pragnesh and places respectively. on their finest and in the blink of containing a waltz, cha cha, Lyeyen, new to the competition After a stunning demonstration an eye it was finished. Then Head quickstep and jive couple - to the scene, survived up to the third from British world champions and Patricia glided on for the Sheffield University Intervarsity round of the cha cha while a most Sammy Stopford and Barbera quickstep and it too was over in a Dancing Competition held at the wicked performance from our two Maccall, the university knockout flash - but who won? The room was Sheffield Octagon. other couples Mathew and Zoe and competition commenced. This silent as the judges tabulated the After a coach journey made most Paul and Sonia carried them to the simply entailed two randomly scores and then it was announced... adventurous by zero visibility fog finals achieving 2nd and 3rd place chosen universities competing 'The winners are Imperial followed by getting lost in the hills respectively. against each other in two randomly College!!'. and valleys of Sheffield (I told them Good dancing by Joe and Sarah chosen dances, with the winner At the end of the evening the it was junction 33 but noooo!...) we helped them to the third round of proceeding to the following round. overall results showed us barely arrived at the Octagon where we the quickstep. However, new Imperial battled relentlessly to the losing the C-team trophy but were joined by 40 other university comers Peter and Susan final round, leaving in its path a comfortably winning the B and A- teams, amongst them our long time quickstepped comfortably to the damaged York University and team trophies, making us the overall rivals, Cambridge and Oxford (we semis, but Head and Patricia, Oxford to pick up the pieces of winners. There can be no rest love them really). through a smooth and enjoyable defeat. . however as the Southern University First off were the team dance, secured third place. In the finals we met none other Competition is just a week away competitions. Imperial was the only Of the five couples in the finals than Cambridge. They stared at us and Cambridge, Oxford and a university in the finals of each of the of the jive, three were from and us at them, our feet tense and dozen other hopefuls will be there four dances. The waltz saw Nigel Imperial. In a strong jive, Satin and ready for the mother of all dances. bent on revenge. Special thanks to and Juliette to the third round, but Liz just missed a place in the finals And then the shouting match out team coaches Vicky and a commendable performance by but a titillating show from Roger started, 'Imperial', 'Cambridge', Dorothy, without whom this victory Norman and Clare took them into and Helen gave them fifth position. 'Imperial', 'Cambridge', TC... but would not have been possible. Ladies' Lawn Tennis Women's Cross

Sara (captain), Carol, Marianne at seed 3, narrowly lost in a 3 set On Wednesday February 5th, the This is not the first time the girls and Kirsten made up the IC Ladies 'match of the day' battle. Carol IC Ladies Cross Country team won have been successful, since two Lawn Tennis team of four that were (seed 2) won convincingly against the London University League weeks ago at Trent Park they again virtually unrivalled in the round a mouthy opponent. First seed Sara competition which was held at tasted victory. They did this by robin area group of the UAU won in her usual style, by beating Richmond Park. This was actually finishing in 1st, 3rd and 7th places Championship, and qualified in her opponent with ease. an amazing feat considering there in the same respective order. second place behind Reading. Our Going into the doubles, we was a team at all. Imperial hasn't If there is anyone out there who first match in the Knock-Out stages needed to win one of the two had a ladies team for eons. As a feels like jumping on the was against Bognor at home. After doubles matches without the loss of group, the team was relatively new bandwagon of success, the team waiting for an hour at Bishop's Park a set, to guarantee winning the to the circuit, but this was not needs another girl to run in the IC courts, it was obvious that Bognor match. Marianne and Kirsten lost apparent to the flagging opposition. organised Hyde Park Relays (racing were too scared to turn up. They their match, but Sara and Carol The course covered a gruelling 2.75 around the Serpentine) on the 15th must have heard about our Saturday ensured victory by winning in miles on a windswept plateau above February. There are lots of other pre-match training session, where straight sets. Overall we won by Richmond and was a test of both exciting events happening soon as miraculously, all four members one set, 7-6. This put us through to stamina and grit. However this well, such as a road relay at Oxford turned up for the first time ever. We the quarter final stages. proved no bar to the success of University and even a race in Paris claimed a walk-over, thus resulting If anyone wished to join the Lawn Edwige Pitel who came second, at the end of March. If anyone is in our next match being away to Tennis Club, could they please Mana Raimandi who came fifth and interested they should contact Cardiff, who had won their group. leave their name and contact phone Kristina Sewple who came seventh Kristina (Chem 2) via the Three of us set off from South number in the message book on the out of a field of approximately 35. Chemistry pigeon holes. Kensington Tube Station at 8am and Union Office desk under Lawn met our fourth player at Tennis. We look forward to Paddington. If we were feeling a welcoming new members. little sleepy, we soon woke up at the Orchestra Concert cost of the train fare. Undaunted, we managed to reach the tennis On Tuesday evening (18th of some thirty musicians, all of courts with 45 minutes to spare. So February) IC Chamber Orchestra whom are members of the Imperial using our feminine charm (what u will be giving its first concert of the College Symphony Orchestra. The from IC?) we bribed the year. The programme consists of concert will be conducted by groundsman to unlock the courts so the 'Overture From The Magic Richard Dickens - Musician in we could have a little practise. Sun, sea, surf. Can you think of a Flute' by Mozart, Beethovens Residence at Imperial. The opposition turned up late and better way to spend a hot summer Second Symphony and the Tuba Tickets are available in advance in awe of our ability. After the 4 day'(or even a chilly winter one) concerts by Vaughn-Williams. The from either orchestra members or singles matches, the score in than on the crest of a wave, Hawaii soloist will be Joseph Izod - a the Haldane Library priced £3 for matches was a 2-2 tie, but with us 5-0 style. Want to run the club? member of the symphony orchestra adults, £1 for students (£2 on the leading 3-2 in sets. Kirsten at seed Boards and funding will be taken and a final year student of the Royal door). The concert starts at 8 4 played valiantly, but lost in away unless someone takes the Academy of Music. o'clock in the Great Hall, Sherfield. responsibility - contact the RCC in straight sets (to who we considered The Chamber Orchestra consists to be their best player!). Marianne the Union Office soon if interested.

— 17— Clubs & Societies Felix 926 14 February 1992

SplotSoc, Bring on the IRA, we're ready. Imperial College Union's Do Students Plop

On the 1st February 1992, two of (where the heck is that?) and the It was all building up to a grand paintballing History's most one-sided contests two IC squads. UCL were back to finale. PLOP won their penultimate since Agincourt and Kuwait defend'their cup with only eight match without loss in a mere 3 psychopaths, occurred in Twickenham and men (does that make them confident minutes. That meant PLOP vs Effingham Junction (that's in or just plain dumb?), while the other STACK as the final match to decide Surrey, for all our Northern colleges were relative newcomers 1st and 2nd places, but only if describe the subscribers). While Mr Carling's to the game. That made IC hot STACK could beat UCL. Twelve lot were pounding the shamrocks favourites to not only win, but to men against six (two guns had since out of our Celtic cousins, Imperial's sweep the top placings. packed up). It didn't look too hard. outcome of the paintball teams, PLOP (IC 1st XII) And so battle commenced. PLOP Like shooting fish in a barrel. and STACK (IC 2nd XII) were started in great style, deluxing their But the fish shot back! UCL locked in combat (literally) for the opposition in their first three stunningly reversed the expected recent paint war Flying Colours' 3rd Annual matches in a combined total time of outcome, despite being reduced to University Cup (actually, not so about 17 minutes, for a total loss of two men (against eight). The flag much a cup as a little silver- five men. STACK held their own was hung, and it wasn't UCL's. In coloured thingy). in such company, with a 100% the words of the UCL captain, 'they Present on the day were six teams record (3 matches, 3 wins) going played like shite'. And so UCL - UCL, Luton, Northampton, Shene into lunch. guaranteed themselves second Abortion Talk

This Thursday (20th February) at the talk will be both lively and huge market almost certainly 12.45pm in the Union SCR, informative. targeted by its manufacturers. If ProLife Soc is hosting this years RU486 is an abortifacient drug you'd like to hear more about SPUC Youth & Student Division designed to replace surgical RU486 and how you can help Lecture Tour, at which all are abortion and has recently been prevent another disaster on the scale welcome. The topic is licensed for trials in the UK. of Opren or Thalidomide, come 'Developments on RU486' and the However there are grave doubts along to the talk on Thursday. speaker is Catherine Francoise. over its safety, let alone its M Castles (Chair ProLife Soc, Some of our committee have advantages over surgery. Its Elec Eng II) previously seen Catherine speak at suitability for the Third World is Blackpool, so we can safely say that also dubious, although this is the

—18— 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Clubs & Societies

How to kill a tree and be loved by Greenpeace. Tt didn't look too hard. Like in the Woods? shooting fish in

place, with STACK playing for Honourable mentions to Luke for pride (and bragging points, if they drawing blood (and not his own), a barrel. ' beat their first team) against a PLOP 1st PLOP (Imperial 1) 50 pts Gary for courage in the face of team looking for maximum points. adversity (and constant ridicule), It was all over (a mere) seven Leo for hogging all the flag grabs, And all for 'a minutes later. Five matches, five 2nd UCL 34 pts Brendan and Matt for being in the wins for PLOP. And a little silver- right place at the right time (all the little silver coloured thingy for the glass 3rd STACK (Imperial 2) 30 pts time), and Andy for the impressive cabinet. (yawn) speech. And so plop were the day's 4th Shene 24 pts Sunday March 1st, 1992 will see coloured thingy golden boys, and STACK the the Official Student Tournament rubber chickens. Congratulations near Portsmouth. Imperial will be however to both teams whose 5th Northampton 1 pt sending a team to dispossess for the glass personnel managed to get out of bed Portsmouth Poly of the title they've at such an abnormal hour, and miss 6th Luton 0 pts had for two years running. Watch the rugby just to get muddy and in this space! cabinet' some cases, get an interesting paint job. The Arts Week

'You want fame... well fame costs; or in groups? Can you do a sausage You obviously weren't a dedicated and right here's where you start slapping dance, play a comb and viewer.) paying... in sweat.' You've seen it paper, make up nice tunes on you Don't know what 'The Arts happen at the New York Centre For PC? Do you have a dancing bear? Week' is? Keep your ear to the The Performing Arts: now believe If you do anything artistic and ground - you'll soon find out! For it can happen at IC. entertaining and you want to bring more details contact the cheerful Bring back those leg warmers of CARNIVAL to technoland this blonde: Toni Briggs, West London the 80's - 'The Arts Week' is soon term, get in touch with me asap. Chaplaincy, Basement, 10 Prince to hit IC. We are calling all you Offers for those willing to groove Gardens, Ext 8633. Leroys and Dorises. Can you busk, on stationary cabs on Exhibition sing, dance, juggle, clown - alone Road will be accepted! (Confused?

— 19— Opinion Felix 926 14 February 1992

'Out of the Blue'; a phrase of Faraday being the obvious Man becomes nothing more than surprise and unexpected examples. a biotechnological robot, which happenings. Maybe that's your However, science and religion doesn't sound like fun to me. opinion about the Christian Union cannot seek to cover the same areas. On a day such as today, it is at Imperial College. Surely science You would not ask a Christian to topical to consider human love. In and religion are ill matched design a bridge, nor would you such a context, if I am nothing more partners, always at each others' expect a chemist to answe'f the than a robot what does love mean? throats. 'Well it's obviously like question 'Why am I here?' through Just chemical imbalances in our that, as science is a study of the their research. In the specifics, both brain, or something meaningful and physical whereas religion concerns science and religion are bounded in valuable to man. as a personal the spiritual and unprovable.' scope but no less true for that creature. Hmmm.. .I'm not sure about that. condition. A personal God makes the Many great scientists thought It is in the 'big' questions of difference and gives us the only deeply about the religious aspects existence that religion is necessary. foundation to base meaning in life. Out of the Blue Jon Jordan on the new Christian Union event

of their work. Einstein's 'God does Science can tell us about the He cares for mankind, he sent his not play dice' is perhaps the most processes of living, how things son to live on earth, 2,000 years famous quotation Laplace had 'no happen but not why. ago, to die on earth and yet to defeat need for the hypothesis' (God) and The most far-reaching question death by his resurrection. If you Darwin, despite evolution, never facing man today is 'Who am I?'. want answers to the big questions became an atheist. In fact, This is so important as on such a that we all must answer, come along prominent scientific pioneers were question is based either despair or to 'Out of the Blue' every lunchtime Christians, who saw no divorce hope. If there is no personal God, except Wednesday in 213 Huxley. between the Church and the what does man have on which to fix Peter Woodcock will be talking laboratory: Newton, Maxwell and his own personality? about Jesus, God, life and many other things. There is also a talk entitled 'Do all religions lead to God?', especially for International Students, on Friday night, 5.30pm in Huxley 308. Free food provided. Be surprised and weigh up the Colourful Philosophy evidence for yourself at 'Out of the Blue'. process of observation; O can never which groups of cells simplify know this. O knows about O-space messages in situations where the Imperial College and must therefore observe it. observer must be observing. O also MALAYSIA SOC O thinks about O-space. O finds finds that some machines can be Read this purely as a possible colour that everything neatly fits into units made to behave a little like presents scheme, to the world you have with no left overs, each with a observers. O believes that the already drawn. name. Large units contain smaller groups of cells can be associated Flight MH002 An observer (O) perceives some units on closer examination and the with the units in O-space. part of a universe. The perceptions reverse. O imagines in O-space a O is troubled that the brain does 22nd February 1992 that that observer has are a property large tree of connections between not have all the diversity and colour 6pm of that observer. A region of that each unit representing everything he of O-space but then O remembers Great Hall, Sherfield Bldg universe is thus in duplicate. O knows. Some units exist only in that he can only see a brain in O- South Kensington version I will call Reality the other time like read-but then time is only space. He reflects that likewise £8 inc dinner & raffle O-Space. Everything O knows another unit. O imagines his perhaps a real universe has more Contact: about that universe comes from his thoughts as a journey through the diversity and colour than O-space Atikah Wan Idrus (ISE2) perceptions—Reality and O-space tree. and a greater form than his lifeless Azwan Khan (Elec Eng 2) never intersect. O-space is however O investigates observation. O tree. YOU'LL BE FASCINATED a function of Reality through the finds that observers have a brain in Alva Gosson, Zoology 3.

—20— 14 February 1992 Felix 926 Opinion

Dear English Friends, In 1920 Georgia became a part of leaders of the USSR and the so- The tragic situation in South the USSR. The Bolsheviks, who called stars of democracy, including Ossetia makes us write to you and considered the absorption of smaller the great pacifier Shevardnadse. ask for your support. nations by greater ones as a factor who were called upon to protect Since the autumn of 1989 the of progress, divided the Osset lands people against violence and to nationalistic forces of the Republic between Russia (North Ossetia) and ensure security, have demonstrated of Georgia have been carrying out Georgia (South Ossetia). The full inability and unwillingness to an armed terror and violence bolshevik government made a rich defend the people of South Ossetia campaign against the Osset gift to Georgia by including South from the danger of being population both in Ossetia and in Ossetia in the Georgian Republic. exterminated. It is their tacit consent inner parts of Georgia. South Being a part of Georgia had tragic that inspires the Georgian Ossetia has been undergoing a results for South Ossets. Our people 'democrats' to new barbarous acts military, political, economic and have undergone oppression and and hideous crimes. informational blockade. Since 1991 forced assimilation. In 1920 the The results of the coming events more than 300 people have been Georgian government implemented are not hard to foretell. Very soon killed, hundreds of people the policy of a genocide, as a result nothing will be left df South Ossetia wounded, more than 160 are of which more than 5,000 people except the burnt out land and dozens missing and more than 480 have been brutally tortured or mutilated beyond recognition. Many of them had their ears, noses, tongues and other parts cut off, their eyes put South Ossetia out. their faces and bodies burned by blow-lamps. As a result of winter blockade dozens of people - mainly the eldery and children - died of hunger and cold. The population of 90 villages within and outside South Ossetia have been forced to leave their homes, over 65 villages have been plundered, burned down and destroyed by tanks. The number of refugees from South Ossetia and Georgia today is above 100.000. A great number of people, among them Thorez Kulumbegov. a leader of South Osset Government, are languishing in Georgian prisons. What is happening here is a gross violation of national minorities' rights and of human rights as well. It's a mass- scale extermination of the Ossets. It's a genocide. Vitali Tibilov, two years old, shot from a helicopter whilst in kindergarten. The situation is extremely tragic. The capital of our region - were killed and many thousands of thousands of corpses which no Tskhinvali - and villages nearby are died when escaping to North one will be left even to bury. This As the former heavily bombarded. Houses are Ossetia over the Caucasian will happen if Georgian aggression destroyed and every day we have to mountains. is not stopped. Soviet Union burs our friends and relatives, Today the Georgians are trying South Ossetia is not Kuwait. among which there are children, to represent the war against South There are no oil fields in this land. women and elderly people. Ossetia as an ethnic conflict The great powers have no interests collapses, The armed aggression and whereas in reality it is an which they might defend. South violence in South Ossetia is extermination of peaceful people Ossetia is a test of genuine combined with propaganda carried out by the well-armed democracy for those who consider violence and campaign which has the aim to Georgian troops. The crimes themselves advocates of human justify before the world public the condemned at Niirnberg can't be rights because they can't expect aggression against the minor nation. -compared with those committed by economic benefit in return for hatred begin The Ossets are labelled as the lawfully elected Georgian supporting the Ossets rights for newcomers' on the land where our .government. freedom and life. ancestors have lived for thousands All the crimes of the Georgian We appeal to you for support. their rule of years. According to the antique aggressors have been only partly Don't let the injustice triumph, historians (Strabo. X!.111,3) the covered by the Soviet mass media. don't let the innocent people be Osset ancestors - Sarmats-Alans - The English correspondents were exterminated. Raise your voice lived on this land since a.d. If this among the first to break through the against the violence in South period is short for deserving the information blockade of South Ossetia. Each death in this dirty war right of being called a native people Ossetia. the first to tell the world against our people is not only a dark then what can one say about the public the truth about the crimes of stain on the conscience of our white Americans who appeared in the 5-.5 million Georgian nationals murderers. The responsibility lies America after Columbus? Or against 65 thousand Ossets. We are also on those who encourage these equally about the Russians in very grateful to them. Nazis to new crimes by keeping Siberia who moved there after The central government doesn't silent. Students of the English No article in Felix necessarily Ermak's campaigns, or about the stop the violence, it hasn't even Faculty together with all the reflects the opinions of the Hungarians who came to Europe in introduced the emergency rule on Students of South Osset Teachers' newspaper, its editor, Imperial the Middle Ages? the South Osset territory. The College. College Union or the staff of either.

—21 — Felix Felix 926 14 February 1992

First and foremost Rag Tour '92 snogging Martin Heighway...well and stay out on Friday, it seems as must be mentioned. Thanks are due did you? Just to let you all know the though people have learnt to respect to Sam for providing me with the Rag Tour cleared £1000 by quite a others opinions. I don't know how log book from the tour. It has way, so congratulations to all many of you read the Independent provided me with hours of endless involved. Unfortunately though newspaper, but they did have a entertainment. From what I can see, there was not all that much else small article on the incident last it has been a complete success and gossip worthy that went on, you've Thursday 6th February, it was nice that people's opinion of Richard disappointed me RCSU, I thought to be mentioned! Well there you Murray has improved somewhat you could produce at least some have it, no more gossip this week over the four days that they were scandal. Oh and Paul T., Sam says but just to warn you what is in the all away. Sam, is it true that you are she is sober now... So what else has pipe line for next weeks Marge: shagging Spod? I thought you had happened since I last wrote? Well, Zoe Hellinger is escorting Jeremy higher values than that and as for all the Felices managed to get out Burnell, Careers Fair manager extraordinaire, to the Guilds Ball this evening, Samantha Cox is going with Trigger and'Poddy is Dear Marge rumoured to be attending wearing his ball gown. It should be an interesting night for all of those who were fortunate enough to get tickets. Oh, and by the way, there should be an interesting letter arriving soon that may interest you all... read next weeks Marge for further details.

TO ALL SABBATICAL CANDIDATES. IF YOU REQUIRE PRINTWORK FOR YOUR ELECTION PUBLICITY SEE ADAM HARRINGTON IN THE FELIX OFFICE FROM MONDAY NEXT WEEK. PRINT BOOKINGS WILL BE FIRST COME FIRST SERVED

Careers Information Shag PLAN your future now. Many of Students seeking vacation work 19 February 1992. Enrol in the Tonight in the Union, Ents present the best jobs may be filled by this summer should visit the careers Careers service. Further seminars SHAG—the mother of all Easter. Don't miss your ideal career service and study the vacation will be arranged if there is a demand Valentine's Parties. Hot acid jazz by waiting until after your finals. training scheme files which include for them. band Shorter Than Miles will be PhDs and MScs should also be details of opportunities provided by Postgraduates: Do you have ploughing the funky furrow from making job applications now. a number of employers. special needs which are not being around 11pm, the bar is open until Learn about second interviews Milkround: Check your catered for by the present careers lam and the disco keeps on pumpin' and assessment centres—practice interview time on the Careers notice service programmes? Have you those hard grooves until 2am. group discussions and an in-tray board. visited the careers service? Drop in There's even a Happy Hour at the exercise and hear about For further information come to and speak to a careers adviser bar between 9 and 10pm. psychometric tests. Huxley 408 the Careers service, room 310 between 1.30pm and 2.30pm or Admission is only £1 between 9 and from 2.30-4.30pm on Wednesday Sherfield—open from 10.00am to phone 3251 for advice or an 10pm, £2 afterwards (£1 ents 5.00pm Monday to Friday. appointment. cards).

SPREAD THE Elections Security WORD NOT THE Well, it's Valentine's Day so you're (or at least spawn some pretty Due to increased security measures VIRUS probably reading this after opening horrible monsters) as the sabbatical it has become necessary to several sacks of cards. I'll keep it officer nomination papers go up at implement student union card short so you don't get too tired. 9.30am. See a sab if you wish to checks on Wednesdays and Fridays. AIDS Thanks to the RCSU (and ICU) for stand. Once again if anyone wants This is a way of ensuring only letting me go on the Rag Tour last to earn £3 per hour sitting on a students, staff and bone-fide guests AWARENESS weekend. If anyone survives the ballot box on 9th/10th March then have use of the facilities. Ents disco or Guilds Ball tonight contact me in the Union office or In view of this the union needs then you may wish to join several on ext 3503. extra duty officers who will cover WEEK other rags in the BIBIC Back in Bye for now, must practice for card checks, patrolling of the Time Rag collection tomorrow. the field cup. building and other security 24th-28th Feb There's more free music in the bar Cheers, measures. To earn from £14 to £29 on Monday and a Bar Quiz on Steve Farrant, ICU Hon Sec per shift contact J Griffiths, Union Wednesday. (Events) Office, ext 3502 by Wed 19 Feb. Monday sees all hell break loose 14 February 1992 Felix 926 What's On

An up-to-the-minute guide to events MONDAY Union Dining Hall. Legs, Bums, Turns 1.00pm in and around Imperial College. RockSoc Meeting 12.30pm Dance Club 6.00pm Southside Gym. Every week. The deadline for entries for this Southside Upper Lounge. JCR. Improvers Ballroom and Latin. Gliding Club Meeting 1.00pm page is the Monday prior to Parachute Club 12.30pm Canoe Club 6.15pm Aero 266. publication. Brown Committee Room. Beit Quad store or 8.30pm in Fencing Training 1.30pm 'Out of the Blue' 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. General. Huxley 213. Christian Union. Judo 6.30pm STOIC News J.OOpm FRIDAY Yacht Club Meeting 12.45pm Union Gym. Fitness Club 5.30pm Hang Gliding 12.30pm 253 Aeronautics. New members most Stoic Nostalgia Night 7.00pm Southside Gym. Advanced. Southside Upper Lounge. welcome. Sailing most weekends! Imperial College in the sixties, Midweek Event 5.30pm Conservative Soc 12.30pm Basketball Club JJOpm seventies and eighties. Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Physics 737. Volleyball court. Men's Team. Dance Club 7.00pm Gardens). Rag Meeting 12.40pm Fitness Club JJOpm JCR. Adv/Medals Ballroom & Latin. Dance Club 6.00pm Union Lounge. Everyone welcome. Southside Gym. Beginners. Grease Rehearsals 7.30pm JCR. Intermediate/Advanced 3rd World 1st 12.45pm Dance Club 6.00pm Room 308, Huxley Building Ballroom & Latin. Southside Upper Lounge. JCR. R'n'R/Latin. Adv/Medals. (terminal room A). Judo Club 6.30pm Labour Club Meeting 1.00pm Afro-Carib Meeting 6.00pm Yoga.... 8.00pm Gym. Maths 408. Club members welcome. Concert Hall. Southside Gym. STOIC. Into The Night 7.00pm Friday Prayers 1.00pm Swimming 6.30pm Caving Club Meeting 8.00pm 'Exceptional Evening Entertainment' Southside Gym. See Islamic Society. Sports Centre. Southside Upper Lounge. Dance Club 7.00pm Kung Fu 4.30pm Stoic on Air 7.00pm JCR. Beginners Ballroom & Latin. Union Gym. Dance Club 7J0pm Real Ale Society C.U. Prayer Meeting J.OOpm JCR. Beginners' Rock 'n' Roll. WEDNESDAY Meeting 7J0pm 413 Maths. IC Shotokan Karate 7.30pm Fitness Club 12.45pm Union Lounge. Lots of good booze. Christian Union Southside Gym. Southside Gym. Intermediate. IC Shotokan Karate 7J0pm Meeting 6.00pm Water Polo 7J0pm 'Out of the Blue' 12.30pm Southside Gym. 308 Computing. Sports Centre. Huxley 213. See Christian Union. Dance Club 8.00pm Swimming 6.30pm Dance Club 8.30pm Bike Club 12.45pm JCR. Improvers Ballroom & Latin. Sports Centre. JCR. Latin Beginners. Southside Lounge. Southside Disco 8J0pm Fencing Club Training 6.40pm Cycling Training 1.30pm Southside Bar. Club training. Meet at Beit Arch. ICC AG Soup Run 9.15pm Stoic on Air 7.00pm TUESDAY Wargames 1.00pm Meet Weeks Hall Basement. Shaolin Kungfu System C.U. Prayer Meeting 8.30pm UDH. All welcome. Nam - Pai - Chuan 7.30pm Chaplain's Office Micro Club Meeting 1.15pm Southside Gym. All welcome. 3rd World 1st 12.00pm Top floor NW corner Union Small Ads Water Polo 7.30pm Europe and Latin Americ' Building. SPLOT SOC. Amazing value Sports Centre. exhibition. JCR. Kung Fu 1.30pm trip. Tuesday 18th Feb. Sign up any Southside Disco 8.30pm 'Out of the Blue'...: 12.30pm Union Gym. tuesday. Get the Gen, Just turn up. Southside Bar. Huxley 213. Christian Union DramSoc Improv Class JJOpm POSITIONS VACANT. There Riding Club Meeting 12.30pm Union SCR (old Union Office). are a number of jobs available Southside Upper Lounge. Professional tuition. within the Union as door security SATURDAY Boardsailing 12.30pm Diving 6.30pm personnel. These positions are open Kung Fu Club 4.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Swimming Pool. to any IC student. All applicants Wu Shu Kwan in Southside Gym. AudioSoc Meeting 12.30pm Yet more Stoic 7.00pm should be responsible and perpared IC Shotokan Karate 10.00am Southside Upper Lounge. Cheap Shaolin Kungfu System to work a minimum of one evening Southside Gym. records and equipment hire. Nam - Pai - Chuan 7.00pm per week on a Wednesday or Ladies Tennis 12.00pm Radio Modellers 12.30pm Southside Gym. All Welcome. Friday. For further information and At college courts. Membership £6. Southside Lounge. Basketball Club 7.30pm details of application contact All new members welcome. Cathsoc Mass 12.30pm Volleyball court. Jonathan Griffiths on ext 3502 or Cycling Club 10.30am Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch. Kung Fu Club 7J0pm Zoe Hellinger on ext 3501. Meet at Beit Arch. Ski Club Meeting 12.30pm Union Gym. Wu Shu Kwan. SINGLE ROOM to let only £34 Southside Lounge. Put you name Libido 9.30pm p/w. Bills included. Situated at down for this year's ski trip. Ents Club Night in Union Lounge. Clayponds, S Ealing. 10 mins SUNDAY Sailing Club 12.30pm piccadily line tube. Move in West London Chaplaincy Southside Lounge. February. See Accomm Office, Sunday Service 10.30am Environmental and. THURSDAY Prince's Gdns. Anteroom Sherfield Building. Appropriate Tech 12.45pm Fencing Training 11.30am JUDO—Please would anyone Live Role Playing 10.30pm See club for details. Intermediate & advanced coaching. who has borrowed a judo suit and Victoria Station. Gates to platforms STOIC News 1.00pm 'Out of the Blue' 12J0pm is not using it, return it asap. Ian 11-12. PhotoSoc 1.00pm Huxley 213. See Christian Union. Jones ext 7503. Men's Tennis Team Southside Lounge. Balloon Club Meeting 12.30pm WANTED: Musicians to form Practise 11.00am Ents Meeting 1.00pm Southside Upper Lounge. blues/jazz/funk band. Especially College Courts. Players of any Ents/Rag Office. Up two flights on YHA Meeting 12.30pm bass, drummer, vocalist. Phone ability. Annual membership £6. New the East Staircase, first office on the Southside Upper Lounge. Pete on 071-589 2050—room 234 members welcome. left. Postgrad Lunch 12.30pm or 94723 internal. Catholic Chaplaincy Mass.ll.00am Legs, Bums, Turns 1.00pm Chaplains Office (10 Princes CHAMBER ORCHESTRA: 53 Cromwell Road. Southside Gym. Organised by Fitness Gardens). 8pm Great Hall, Sherfield Building. Wargames 1.00pm Club. Fencing Training 12.30pm Works by Mozart, Beethoven and UDH. Radio Modellers 5.30pm Beginners Training. Vaughn Williams. Tickets £3 Fitness Club J.OOpm Mech Eng. 3rd World 1st 12.45pm adults, £1 in advance or £2 on the Intermediate. Fitness Club 5.45pm 500 years of resistance. Talk by door for students. Contact IC Kung Fu Club 4.30pm Southside Gym. Intermediate. Oscar Castano from Columbia. Clubs Symphony Orchestra for date. Wu Shu Kwan in the Union Gym. Amenesty International 5.30pm Committee Room. Catholic Mass 6.00pm Clubs Committee Room. Pro-Life 12.45pm 53 Cromwell Road. Wine Tasting Soc 6.00pm SCR. 'Developments on RU486' Lecture Tour.

23— News Felix 926 14 February 1992 Booked Security Change Collared

The library of University College, A new system of security is to be evenings. On Wednesdays, three Sid Sofos, the instructor of ICU London, may close for an extra two implemented in the Union Building. officers will be on duty, two for Wing Chun society, was arrested on days a week if cuts in funding are Currently, one duty officer must be checking union cards and one to act Wednesday 12 February on two implemented. Alternatives to part on duty every weekday evening, as a normal duty officer. On a charges of indecent exposure. He time closure include the complete with extra officers as card checkers Friday there will be an additional was given unconditional bail for 21 shutdown of departmental libraries, on Wednesdays and Fridays. officer on duty and weekend days by Horseferry Road moving their contents to the central It has been decided that there security will only change when Magistrates Court and his trial will library, and a reduction in were not enough officers to provide large numbers are expected in the take place on 27 February. periodical buying. It is reported that adequate coverage this week, so Union Building. the College does not think it gets from Monday next week the ICU Vacancies are available for new 'value for money' from the library, Union Office Sabbaticals, Zoe' duty officers, who along with though the library refutes this. Hellinger, Steve Farrant and current officers will be given special (London Student, University of Jonathan Griffiths will be on duty security training by the police. Dire London) on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday Reading University Students Union (RUSU) is in dire financial straits Jobs Up Cycle Code after announcing that it has a budget deficit of over £300,000. Suspicion There are signs that the job market For three days Imperial College Many bikes around College had is pointed at the former RUSU for graduates are slowly improving, students can have their cycles a notice pinned to them on Tuesday Finance Manager who authorised according to a .report in the security coded for free. The coding advising of the coding service. The great expenditure without there Independent this week. It maintains will take place in the Anteroom of coding will be performed by PCs being enough money to cover it. that the slight improvement will not the Sherfield Building refectory Clive Coleman and Duncan Law, The deficit has been partly offset by offset the 20% reduction in today (Friday), Monday and local Homebeat Community Police loan from the University of recruitment that occurred last year. Tuesday between 10.00am and Officers, who commented that cycle £100,000, which may lead to The report says also that the 4.00pm, with a break from coding combined with use of D- greater interference by the sponsorship of students has fallen 12.30pm until 2.00pm. locks deters cycle thieves. University in Union spending. dramatically. See the career's (London Student, University of information on page 22. London) Access Up Fat Max Over one thousand three hundred disabled students and those owning Knickers Imperial College Students' Union students have applied for the their own homes were going to has requested that the Governing £160,000 available in Access Funds receive priority in the allocation of Body of the College remove Robert this year. Tony Cullen, Senior funds. It was also pointed out that Oxford University has decided to Maxwell's honorary fellowship. Registrar, said that results of the there would be those who would not close the riverside area reserved for The fellowship was given in 1989 applications should be ready by the get any money and that anybody nude male bathing. 'Parson's because of his association with end of February. who felt unfairly treated should Pleasure' was closed as the Pergamon Press, one of Britain's Mr Cullen told Felix that those contact Mr Cullen if they wished to University decided it could not most successful scientific who were paying their own fees, appeal. afford a lifeguard and would not publishers. It was hotly contested risk prosecution if an accident and the award was only given after occurred. (The Oxford Student) a vote of the Governing Body. Informed The Rector, Sir Eric Ash, said that the removal of the award would The Accommodation and spokesperson said that it was attract adverse publicity to a bad Conference Office has asked important that the whole form be Lies decision. The Governing Body students to return Easter vacation returned so that the number of responded to the Union request by accommodation forms as soon as student beds required could be stating that as Mr Maxwell was possible. The two part form has a calculated. She added that there was Papers for sabbatical elections go up dead the award could not be taken section for those remaining in nothing to be gained by students on the 17th February in the Union away from him. college over Easter, and one for holding back the forms Office. The papers have to be those who are not. unnecessarily. 'We need students to signed by the candidate, one Speaking to Imperial College help us to help them,' she said. proposer and 20 seconders and will News Network (iCNN), a HCNN) be taken down on the 28th Resigned February. Hustings are at St. Mary's on the 2nd March and at the Richard Eyers resigned as ICU Davy Gone South Kensington Campus on the Publications Board Chairman last 5th March. The manifesto issue of week after what he described as The Royal School of Mines Union President, who asked for the Felix will be on the 28th February, 'petty bickering' in the Union that (RSMU) office was broken into by immediate return of Davy and the deadline for entries will be had got to a 'ludicrous' stage. He members of King's College on payment for all the damage caused. 12.30 Monday 24th February. said that the events surrounding the Friday 8th February. During the The people concerned from Candidates should provide an article theft of Felix the week before last break in a lock and door was broken King's have since apologised for the of not more than 300 words, left him in a position where he felt and Davy, the RSMU mascot, was incident and offered repayment, but including their name and that of unable to continue. Mr Eyers has stolen. they are unable to return the mascot their proposer, as well as a photograph of themselves. Any held the post for two years. The The King's students mistakenly as they claim to have lost it. Mr entries longer than 300 words will only candidate for his replacement believed that they could steal the Cotton said that he was 'very pissed be cut after the 300th word. Voting is be David Henderson-Begg, mascot, proclaimed as inviolate by off as the RSMU office has been will take place on the 9th and 10th STOIC Business Manager, and new the RSMU. A ransom demand was closed all week to avoid further March. election is also standing. rejected by Tim Cotton, RSMU break ins.

Fciix is produced for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit. Prince Consort Road. London SW7 2BB. (Tel: 071-225 8672). Editor: Adam Harrington. Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell. Copyright Felix 1991. ISSN 1040-0711.