Thursday 23 October 2003 Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1065 free www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

STUDENT DEBT? GU2 HEAD TO RADIO 1 IN THIS WEEK ’ S PAPER Natalie Howard gives As part of GU2’s prize for V PROJECT | Carol Main tells of her trip to a different view on Top winning ‘Best Student Radio Aldershot Forest to be on TV | page 6 Up Fees, being part of the Station of the Year’, Mr Mental EXTRA TERRESTRIAL | Some nice and scary year who will be the first to and P spend some time at Radio Halloween films for us all |page 17 experience them in 2006. One HQ in London. PROFESSIONAL | Lorne Smith gives the Volunteering| page 5 Communication | page 8 views of a 1970s USSU President | page 9 Watch Your Drink BY CHRIS WARD Claire commented: “The swizzle sticks and beer mats only EDITOR react to a few drugs, whereas hundreds are used by attackers to incapacitate victims. Unfortunately, because people AFTER INCREASED INCIDENTS in Guildford Town Centre believe that they are 100% reliable, it often encourages involving drink-spiking, Surrey Police in Guildford are victims to lower their guard, leaving them prone to attack.” introducing a new initiative warning people to watch their The Roofie Foundation (TRF) was set up in 1997 to help drinks. those who are interested in finding out more about the effects This mirrors the recent incident at the University of date-rape drugs, and also for those who have been victims. of Cambridge where two freshers found themselves Their website, www.roofie.com, emphasises: “Everyone is experiencing the symptoms of Rohypnol, one of the drugs aware of their own personal tolerance to alcohol. If you feel commonly misused by attackers to make potential victims odd, nauseous, slightly drunk, tipsy or wasted after only a lose consciousness. Cambridge University are conducting couple of drinks, or you know that you cannot be drunk, their own investigation on the matter. there is more than a chance that your drink has been spiked. John Ford, senior tutor at Caius college said: “The safety If so get yourself immediately to a place of safety.” of our students is of paramount importance... If any member “If you are with a close friend tell them of your worries, get of a college was involved, there is no way it could be treated them to get you out of the place as soon as possible and to apart from with the utmost severity”. In regards to the get you home either in their car or by cab. Once safely home students involved, he reported: “They both wish to get on ask them to stay with you until the effects of the drug have with their first term at college and have put the incident worn off. However be very sure that you implicitly trust the behind them”. person or friend you are asking. USSU’s VP Education and Welfare, Claire Iles, emphasised The University of Surrey Students Union take the matter of the importance of creating awareness of the possibility of drink-spiking extremely seriously. USSU Head of Events such events occurring on a night out. She pointed out that Safety, Ben McCauley, stressed: “If anybody feels they although a lot of women socialise using swizzle-sticks that are under the influence of rohypnol or any other drug, they change colour when they come into contact with a drug, the should come to the front desk immediately, and it will be publicity they have is misleading. treated with the utmost of urgency”. Barefacts Nominated for National Award

BY SARAH BUTTERWORTH campaign, and The Warwick Boar EDITOR IN CHIEF (Warwich University) for their Liberty Park campaign. THE U NIVERSITY OF Surrey Students’ The nomination is particularly impressive Newspaper, barefacts has this week been as barefacts was the winner of the very shortlisted for the award of ‘Best Student same award a year ago, for its coverage of Campaign’ sponsored by ActionAid in the Uni$kint campaign, protesting against the NUS National Student Media Awards. the University’s planned 24% rent increase The nomination came about due to the over the next few years. coverage in last year’s barefacts of the The presentation ceremony for this year’s ‘Lights, Camera, Action’ campaign, which Media Awards takes place on Sunday is continuing this year. 22nd November 2002 at the luxurious Barefacts is up against ROAR at King’s International Hotel in Canary Wharf, after surrey students demonstrate University for their Accommodation the annual Student Media Conference.

Narrowing Participation? | page 5 GU2 visits Radio One | page 8 Sandy Stars | page 21 2 NEWS 23 October 2003 Clarke Fails to Convince Parent EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4 BY CHRIS WARD answered questions based on his student the government shouldn’t pay for it. She Editor in Chief EDITOR fees policies. However, by the end of the emphasised that her youngest daughter may Sarah Butterworth program, he had still failed to convince a be put off going to a prestigious university The Higher Education Minister failed to mother of three. One of her children had because of the possible debt of £21,000 at comms convince a parent that the top up fees were just started University, and the other two the age of 21. @ussu.co.uk the only way forward on “Blair’s University hope to go in the future. She insisted that From the other political viewpoints, Challenge” earlier this week. The show, everybody needs a graduate workforce, i.e. Damien Green stated that the Conservatives Editor which consisted of two panels, one for top doctors, lawyers, etc. and doesn’t see why would scrap the 50% government target for Chris Ward up fees, and one against; higher education, and would presented the debate on fees introduce a vocational system cs21cw @surrey.ac.uk as a mockery of University for those wishing to enter Challenge. The two panels a non-academic workforce. answered questions related Phil Willis emphasised that Music Editor to higher education, and were student fees should be paid Matt Badcock occasionally asked questions for by general taxation. on their stance in the fees NUS President Mandy ms01mb debate. Others who shared Telford emphasised that @surrey.ac.uk their political and personal bringing a market into the opinions that evening were higher education system Music Editor Conservative Damien Green, would “skew the system and Liberal Democrat Phil Jon Allen entirely”, because “students Willis. from poorer backgrounds bs21ja Clarke, who was NUS will choose cheaper @surrey.ac.uk President in the 70s, courses”.

News Editor Philip Howard ph02ph Students’ Independent Complaints Board @surrey.ac.uk

BY CHRIS WARD it will magnify this,” However, students Film Editor EDITOR will also be able to complain about non- Neil Boulton academic grievances, such as problems over The Pro-Vice-Chancellor of the University accommodation. If complaints are upheld, cs21nb @surrey.ac.uk of Oxford, Dame Ruth Deech, has been the adjudicator can recommend fi nancial appointed as the fi rst “independent compensation. adjudicator for higher education”. Starting Professor Norman Gowar, chairman of Theatre Editor next year, students with complaints against the Offi ce of the Independent Adjudicator Daisy Clay their university will be able to appeal to said that having an independent complaints Letters to barefacts her. She will consider issues that have not commission covering all universities will Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to be published in the next newspaper. ps21dc been dealt with by a university’s internal create a more coherent and equal system. @surrey.ac.uk Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected] grievance procedures. Students will also At the moment, older universities forward be able to complain if they feel that services complaints upwards to “visitors”, who may Literature Editor and facilities promised in the prospectus are be a bishop, or even the Queen. He called not being adequately delivered. this situation “anachronistic”. Universities Jennifer Walker This news was welcomed by the National are not legally bound by the adjudicator’s ph21jw Union of Students. Chris Weaver, of NUS, rulings, but Prof. Gowar is confi dent that @surrey.ac.uk stated: “We are in a consumer culture, where universities will feel obliged to comply with people are much more ready to complain. her decisions. And when students are paying for courses, Sports Editor Peter Nichols barefacts is an editorially independent Do you have a complaint cs11pn newspaper and is published by the University barefacts notices @surrey.ac.uk of Surrey Students’ Union Communications against this newspaper? Office. Barefacts Meeting | Thursday 23rd October | 5pm | Media Centre If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which CONTRIBUTORS The views expressed within the paper Aikido AGM | Thursday 23rd October | 8pm | Sports Centre are those of individual authors and do not contains inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to Matt Adams Claire Iles necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Swimming AGM | Friday 24th October | 2pm | Committee Room Tuoko Amuka Catherine Lee the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the our editorial team about it. University of Surrey. If you remain dissatisfied please Natalie Barette A Little-Person contact the Press Complaints Women’s Basketball AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 1pm | Committee Room Ben Berryman Carol Main This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or Commission - an independant Andy Blair Dina Mystris distributed, without the express permission of organisation established to uphold Men’s Basketball AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 1.30pm | Commirrww Room Dave Chapman Lorne Smith the publisher beforehand. an editorial Code of Practice for the Neil Christie Sandeep Sohal All submissions must include the author’s Press. This newspaper will abide by Science Fiction & Fantasy Society AGM | Tuesday 28th October | 6pm | TB19 Jonathan Darzi Kirstie Thompson name and Union or Staff Number. Submission their decision. Scott Farmer Pete Tivers is no guarantee of publication. EARS AGM | Wednesday 29th October | 1pm | 27BB04 Press Complaints Commission Michael Field Duncan Wilson Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will 1 Salisbury Square th Natalie Howard Arvind Virdee not be published. London EC4Y 8JB Cyprus Society AGM | Thursday 30 October | 6pm | Lecture Theatre L Chris Hunter Peter Wigfield Telephone: 020 7353 1248 barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 Afro-Carribean Society Meeting | Thursday 30th October | 6pm | TB13 : Design & Layup rd [email protected] Printed by Sharman and Co. Printers Switchgear Gaming Society | Monday 3 November | 6pm | TB11 Sarah Butterworth WWW.USSU.CO.UK Peterborough Chris Ward | Ben Berryman Tel: 01733 424949 Amnesty International Soc AGM | Monday 3rd November | Committee Room © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003 23 October 2003 NEWS & LETTERS 3 Barefacts Live Launches I’m Not a Rent Boy!

BY CHRIS WARD where news is urgent. BY NEIL CHRISTIE a full-time course. Students then requiring EDITOR Barefacts Live consists of local campus employment to fi nance themselves through news, brought to you by new presenters Students are so desperate for cash that one their course would then put aside anything On Wednesday last week, Barefacts Live Laura Lemmon, Victoria Rawlinson, Sam particular student, Sean Gerrie, has decided up to around 20 hours (the maximum was launched on 1350AM GU2 Radio at Thompson and Sarah Tille; along with Head to rent out certain parts of his body in order recommended by UniS) for paid work. 6pm. The show is the fi rst step in bringing of News at GU2, Duncan ‘Mental’ Wilson. to pay off his year’s tuition fees. Whilst one Given that there is much infl uence on barefacts and GU2 closer and allowing them They will be keeping you informed on may be thinking this could be quite sordid, it student involvement in union activities to to complement each other as two integrated Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after is a very honest appeal to people all over the improve personal skills and gain more than communication mediums. the national news at 6pm. world and involves no renting of the most just a degree from university experience, This medium integration came about as GU2 are looking for more people to get private of parts. there seems to be a serious problem with a result of the sabbatical elections. Sarah involved with Barefacts Live, particularly For various prices, ranging from £1 to £20, making time for these requirements and not Butterworth, VP Communications and in the area of sports coverage. If you an ‘owner’ of a body part receives regular allowing any part of university life to suffer Marketing for USSU made it part of her are a team captain and you would like to feedback on what that particular body part in the process. Sean Gerrie’s case may not manifesto to integrate Union media to have your full/half time results mentioned has been up to, as well as a certifi cate of be an isolated one in the years to come, with provide up-to-date quality communication. on Barefacts Live, get in contact with ownership. Although it is made quite clear students visibly becoming more strapped for Barefacts will still report on news issues, but Duncan Wilson, GU2’s Head of News: on the website that parts, other than the cash. Barefacts Live will be there for situations [email protected] 5,000 hairs available, are to remain intact Sean’s site is www.seanyg.com on Sean’s body, the benefi ts from owning a body part appear to be plentiful. More importantly, it must be said that although the idea is innovative and imaginative, the underlying motive is that of fi nancial stability through just one year of his Internet Computing Course. Students seeking part-time employment are on the increase and there are no signs to show that this will change. In her article on page 6 Natalie Howard shows she has already made reference to plans for future employment to sustain herself throughout university three years before she will become a student. The recommendation for students study is approximately 100 hours for each 10-credit module, per semester. This could equate to around 40 hours a week study time for

For more UniS Merchandise, visit Letters to barefacts the USSU Shop, open Monday- Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to be published in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected] Friday 12 noon til 4pm Dear barefacts Dear barefacts,

I am almost appalled at how Barefacts can endorse wasting I am writing in response to a frustration letter written to time and resources in academic degrees by publishing the barefacts published on Thursday 16 October 2003, about ‘article’ by a Mr Ben Berryman. the campus restaurant and their staffs and how disappointed In his article Mr Berryman claims that internet games that she was served a Cornish meat pasty instead of a desired are ‘distractions’ from laboratory sessions, when in fact vegetarian one. The staff was blamed on poor communication ‘distract’ means To cause to turn away from the original and English skills. The writer added how could a restaurant focus of attention or interest. Clearly Mr Berryman never employ people who do not know fundamental English words had an original interest in his lab session and the Internet like vegetarian. It is indeed the staffs fault for not delivering barefacts notices games were not a cause to turn away, more a pre-occupying the best service to her customer. But have we emphasise too activity Mr Berryman wished to pursue during a worthwhile much on ones ability and skills that we forget to be kind laboratory session. enough to forgive and treat the weak with care and perhaps Any student who comes to university with the mentality correct their mistakes gently. I believe if we could be more of “not fancying” to do work, or to use university resources relaxed on extremely high to simply check mail or immature websites, is wasting their expectations and exercise a little kindness and understanding, time, their lecturer’s time, the university’s resources and are we will help to create this world a better place to live in with effectively obstructing others who are willing to learn from fewer cases of depression and mental health problems. gaining access to higher education. For your further information, the staffs who work behind

May I suggest to Mr Berryman that those people with the food counter may be highly educated students from photo: chris hunter | model: amy fawcett busy schedules running in and out of the media offi ce are the university and are in their learning stage of their new those people that he should attempt to emulate, and that his temporary job in the restaurant. girlfriend is talking sense when she believes he should be studying instead of playing games. Furthermore, to infer THANK YOU. that researching for Barefacts is something to be used as an FOONG SIN LAM excuse and taken lightly, may I state that it both demeans Barefacts as a medium and the material itself sets a poor got something to shout about? example of students in Surrey University. email your letters to [email protected] by YOURS VERY SINCERELY Monday at 5pm. A TRADITIONAL STUDENT 4 COMMENT 23 October 2003 Match Making or opinion Society Destroying? Stop Fees on Neil Christie looks at the personality tests used by employers 26th October to determine suitability to job descriptions and questions whether or not their over-analytical approach is self-destructive. Natalie Howard writes in Barefacts this week about how the realisation of student top up fees has made her think twice about coming to university and just how much fi nancial Whilst in a lecture for my mickey-mouse degree (Business strain there is on students currently – let alone in a few years’ Management is an arts degree ‘posing’ as a science degree… time. The Barefacts Team would like to remind everyone apparently) it was said that there is currently a lot of about the NUS march on Sunday 26th October 2003, and the emphasis on personality types and some fi rms, particularly sign up sheet in the Activities Centre. in the service sector, are trying to ascertain what kind of It’s not just for future students, as the NUS are also personalities their managers and employees have. campaigning for abolishing all student fees, which would be “Why” is a good question – and it’s the possible answer immediate, as well as asking for more stability with regards to this question that I fi nd worrying. Does it matter what to the annual infl ation rates at which interest is added to the personality type managers are? Does it matter what student loans. Again this would affect us as students now. personality type anyone is? If you’re still not convinced or think that top up fees are Apparently so – as some personalities are better suited to a good idea (!) then why not come along to meet a ton of some situations than others. All well and good – but take people and have a free day out in the Capital; see the sights, that a little bit further. Some personalities are suited to take in the atmosphere, enjoy the shops… And march with jobs, and others aren’t. So basically it’s like the scene in fellow students. The main news article this week is basically Antz, where newborns are categorised into two groups (one about raising awareness in different areas – and if you’re not was workers I believe, can’t remember the other) and then aware of what the NUS can do for us in terms of alleviating throughout their life they do nothing but their job for the the fi nancial struggle, then come along. Or you could end up good of the community. like Sean Gerrie, loaning body parts for cash… It works great for ants, but are humans really as mechanised and pre-programmed? I think it would be a great shame to have such an emphasis put on personality that jobs are prescribed for certain personalities, and that there is very little choice or direction involved in life because opportunity Barefacts Live is reduced and employment is based more on genetics and The example that was given was that psychologists have nurturing than real talent. analysed some entrepreneurs and they feel they can, given Remember to listen in to Barefacts Live on GU2 – Monday, Such an over-analytical approach to the human race could the time and enough tests, determine if an individual is going Wednesday, Friday, at 6pm after the national news. It’s all well end up eradicating the idea of having a free choice, and to become one. orientated around the latest news on campus and is there to free mind. It may well make us more effi cient as a race, I’d argue that, because of unpredictability and chance in inform students of major issues that go on during the week, but the price to pay for such an ideal would far outweigh life, there’s no way of telling whether or not a person will so tune in to 1350AM/MW and become up to date with the the benefi ts. There’s also the opinion that no matter how or will not become an entrepreneur. Some people ‘make it’ latest news. Don’t miss out! categorical and accurate science can be, the complexity on lucky breaks, and can be described as opportunist. I’m of the human race is such that no real groups can ever be not suggesting that all millionaires simply got lucky and are established. Each person is unique, and whilst some traits lazy as hell, but I believe that some success stories are about may be similar, it’d take a lot of convincing to persuade me being in the right place at the right time. that each individual is destined to the same path. So whilst I feel it’s all well and good to try and ascertain Apologies.... whether or not someone will be suited to the job, I think it’s unfair and impractical to suggest that some people can’t do a ... are due to Mr Scott Geary and Mr Chris Hunter, both task or handle a situation because of their personality. It was of whom took the amazing photos in last week’s issue of also said that a progressive branch of psychologists believe barefacts [Scott - The Demo and Horseriding, Chris - Rushes, that personality can be shaped over time and experiences. Union & Minibusses], and were not, due to an unfortunate Given that a personality test costs around £250 for an hour’s oversight, credited for their photographs. Rest assured, guys, work – you could test someone, turn them down for a job, we are eternally grateful for your contributions, and hope and then they have the ‘right’ kind of experience to turn you accept our humble apologies. them into an ideal applicant. There’s also the problem of people trying to rig the results, especially if it’s widely known that one type of personality will get a job and another may be sidelined. Random Fact of the Week Psychology is fast becoming more and more renowned and implemented in the work place, as well as being a fi eld Ever been on a pelican crossing and wondered how a of research. In so many ways, this is an excellent thing, as visually and aurally impaired individual knows when to the one thing which (arguably) determines our actions – the cross the road? Feel under the yellow and black box for a brain – is being studied and the studies are more accepted ridged cone. When it is safe to cross, the cone starts to spin. and no longer labelled ‘hocus pocus’. However there are Have a feel when you’re next out! - Matt Adams limitations to its credibility because of the nature of what is being studied, and I don’t believe that it should ever become the dominant factor in an area such as employment, but barefacts | be heard remain as a factor, or infl uence, in making decisions. 23 October 2003 COMMENT 5 Narrowing Participation

Natalie Howard, who spent a week on work experience in the USSU Media Centre, offers up a view on top up fees, as someone who will be one of the first potential £3,000 a year fee paying students in 2006.

Although university seems like a long way off to me, cambridge university - out of reach fi nancially? less able fi nancially or who come from under represented I had always taken for granted that I would be going. groups such as single parents with child care needs. However, what I have recently learnt about the possibility However, I can’t help but question whether the students (or inevitability) of the implementation of top up fees, has who come from poorer families are, in fact, the only people caused me to reconsider my options and perhaps even think who need help with their tutition fees from the government. about not choosing to go to university at all. After all, it is the large amount of people in the middle who The most worrying aspect being the prospect of, by the time will struggle in the end. With less wealthy families receiving I am 21, being in around £30,000 debt. larger grants and lower fees, and upper class people getting Charles Clarke and others, seem to think that they know by easily due to their wealth, it is the middle class people what entices a student to come to university, and that paying who will struggle by with no help with their top-up fees and graduate tax is the most attractive option. Well, as a year 11 a large debt at the end of it. student looking at eventually going to university, I will be in the fi rst year to be affected by top-up fees, therefore my “I wonder if it is simply the fact that opinion is perhaps much more valid than that of politicians who not only received free education, but a grant as well. Britain does not want to be left behind This new legislation will mean that I will have to strongly countries such as America” reconsider many of my options concerning what I will do after my A-levels, as effectively, the government are narrowing the choices available to students after they fi nish Although I understand the benefi ts, my main concern is still school, which is ironic considering they are aiming to get my welfare and the welfare of many other students who will 50% of people coming to university. I would aspire to go to a be put in this position when it comes to higher education, and university which matches my academic ability but, due to the what angers me most about the situation is that my freedom probability of these new top-up fees I will have to consider of choice will be affected when it shouldn’t be. I believe that carefully where I choose to go, and I may end up basing my it is everyone’s right to have an education, and by enforcing choice of university on the lowest top-up fees, and how close laws that will mean people will have to pay large amounts it is to home. For example, I may wish to go to a university of money, and end up in up to £3,000 of extra debt per year, in London where accommodation will be expensive, or one it takes away this right and will affect the amount of people of the top places such as Oxford or Cambridge, where the who end up going into higher education at all. top-up fees will probably be at the maximum, but due to worth of debt, at a university which does not live up to their I also question why it is that it seems that the majority of these factors I would have to reconsider my decisions. aspirations, or us left destitute.” people are against top-up fees, and the only people who are As the Dean of Students he is worried that we will end up for it seem to be those at the top, for example, Tony Blair, or with a 2 or 3 tier university system and that only those who Charles Clarke. Even the University of Surrey’s own Vice “Why is that it seems that the can afford to will go to the best universities. Surely if a Chancellor has indicated that Surrey will introduce top-up majority of people are against top- person, talking as a parent and active member of staff at a fees. I do agree that universities need money but why can it university, expresses these views against the top-up fees it is not come from everyone in the form of taxes as opposed to up fees and the only people who something to be taken into account. He is however, pleased the students alone? After all it is everyone who will benefi t are for it seem to be Tony Blair and that the government are offering support for less well off from graduates who go on to become doctors, accountants, families, but concerned that there will still be students lawyers etc. I wonder also if it is simply the fact that Britain Charles Clarke?” from families who will struggle to fi nancially support their does not want to be left behind countries such as America offspring through university and these families will receive who have such legislation. Britain have already followed I will also have to get a part time job while I am at univeristy no support from the government. He also notes the benefi t America into Iraq, so must the same happen with university in order to limit the amount that I borrow in student loans. in the fact that the fees will be used to support those who are top-up fees? This will inevitibly affect my enjoyment of university as I will be working more than I should, therefore causing a lot more stress, tiredness and extra pressure. Surely if I am WIN £50 TOPMAN VOUCHERS having to worry about fi nance during my time at university I will not be able to put as much energy into my academic Winter’s on its way so you might be thinking of sacrificing style for comfort - think again! Topman’s Autumn/ work as I could if I wasn’t having to earn extra money to Winter collection combines the stylings of the New York punk scene combined with the comfort and quality support myself? My decisions about my gap year between associated with Topman’s clothes. Music has always been the life force of youth culture, now even more so and sixth form and university may also be affected, as I may the collection, which is based on heavy musical influences such as punk and is steeped in attitude. Think James have to work for the majority of it in order to earn money to Dean meets the Sex Pistols as classic black gets a shot in the arm from neon and reflective fabrics. fund me through the rest of my education. Colin Howard, Dean of Students, as a father and an To be in with a chance to win £50 of vouchers to spend on Topman’s fantastic new Autumn/ important member of staff at the university, has a lot of valid Winter range simply answer the following question: views on the subject of top-up fees. As a parent he is worried that my and my younger sister’s choices will be limited, and Complete the name of one of Topman’s new ranges, ‘Shine on you Crazy…” also worries about the amount of debt we will both be in in Is it: a) Opal | b) Diamond | c) Ruby the early stages of our working lives. “Of course as parents we will limit the amount of debt, and support our daughters Send in your answers to [email protected] , a n d fi nancially the best we can, but at the end of the day there you’ve got an extra week this time, so get them in by are three outcomes: our children are either left in £30,000 Monday 3rd November at 5pm. Good Luck! 6 VOLUNTEERING 23 October 2003 The V Project Makes TV History

BY CAROL MAIN to middle aged, overweight men who reeked OUTREACH & VOLUNTEERING COORDINATOR from Saturday night’s beer soaked evening... mmm nice! It has always been one of my minor We were given food and drink, split into ambitions to appear on TV – obviously groups (I was positioned next to a rather starring alongside some stunningly gorgeous large rugby lad, who alas wasn’t quite actor in the tropics somewhere, sipping a Russell Crowe, and did make my knuckles cold drink with a paper umbrella, looking rather sore as we had to ‘lock’ our shields The V Project Competition! suitably tanned and wearing a fantastically together in a long line and shout ‘arrrrrr!!!’ in Volunteering – hurrah! So the weeks are thundering past and this week I thought it would fl attering outfi t with groovy fl ip-fl ops.. a scary kind of way, usually followed by an be fun if we had a competition! What’s the prize I hear you cry! – the prize is fantastic! – a obviously! Screech – and back to reality, ‘ouch’ of accidental knuckle crunching, but pair of tickets for the British Airways London Eye (valid until 30th December 2003) which anyway, TV – yes, so when I was contacted all good fun nevertheless!). In the morning is on the side of the River Thames, where you get stunning views of London as you have by someone on behalf of someone else at we were ‘trained’ on how to form a strong a 30 minute trip around the ‘big wheel’, snapping away on your camera at all those well an award winning Channel 4 Production wall of shields that would keep the enemy known London sights, and generally being a bit of a tourist! Company (Lion TV) how could I resist! … out, followed by an afternoon of fi lming: we To win this amazing prize all you have to do is write a short piece about any volunteering Enter The V Project! spent a lot of time trying to look and sound that you have been involved in in the last 12 months (it does not have to have been done Way way back in the depths of 1999 scary and saxon-like! – we ‘locked’ our through The V Project) – tell me who you are, what you did, where and when you did it, whilst I was studying in Farnborough, my shields, turned around (much harder than why and how you got involved, what you learnt, and anything else you think is interesting department was approached by the lovely it sounds when you’re holding a huge piece about the experience. people who were making ‘Gladiator’, of wood!) and even charged! Hurrah! The Submit your entry by email, posting, or bringing it to me in person (post it under my door as they were searching for extras for the series presenter was a friendly looking guy if I’m not here) by 5pm Friday 7th November. An independent source will read all of the opening battle scene (you remember – lots of called Mike Loades who I had never heard articles and pick the winner, who will be notifi ed by Friday 14th November. dead soldiers). The one problem for me was of but apparently he’s a tiny bit well known they only wanted men to make it authentic. in historical circles(!!), and Dave ‘Chops’ Can’t really argue with that I guess, and Chapman (USSU Sports Sabbatical) and when my classmates retuned on the Monday myself did spot him on a TV programme a Sensory Garden/ Pond De-Construction! morning after a weekend of lying face down few weeks later – wearing the same shirt as Many thanks to those of you who were involved in the event on Saturday 18th October at in icy mud for hours on end, to be followed at the fi lming which made us laugh! (it’s the Stoughton Infants School – it was a great success and the volunteers certainly won’t need by the freeze-framing of the entire opening amusing little things in life!). Hee Hee! to be working out at a gym this week! Phew! Article to follow shortly in Barefacts. sequence among cries of “oh but look – I’m Ultimately it was a great day and we all sure that’s my ear, no, wait – surely there’s had a lot of fun, met some new people (it’s my fi nger”, I think I was probably, strangely, not everyday that you meet a group of saxon a tiny bit envious! warriors now is it?!) and learnt a new skill Handicap International Back to the summer of 2003 – most students (‘is able to form a shield wall’ – what a great …Is an NGO working to support landmine victims and people with disabilities in were away on their hol’s but I managed to asset to any CV!) I can now tick ‘being an 55 countries around the world. As co-founder of the International Campaign to ban gather a mini army of UniS related people extra’ from my list of minor ambitions, and landmines, Handicap International was co-winner of the 1997 Nobel Peace Prize. and we trooped off to Farnham Woods able to hold a fairly informed conversation Handicap International UK (based in Farnham) is in need of volunteers to help with an (where the opening Gladiator sequence if I need to make polite conversation about event on November 1st in Trafalgar Square. The event marks the start of Landmine Action was shot) at some unearthly hour of a shields! What more could you want! Week, and is an awareness raising day. The focus will be the construction of a ‘pyramid Sunday morning (“to make the most of the If you would like to fi nd out more about of shoes’, each show symbolizing lives and limbs lost as a consequence of landmines. A sunlight”) where we proceeded to spend The V Project and it’s latest activities, variety of exhibitions and entertainments will be on offer and experts will be on hand to the day taking part in a the fi lming of one please get in touch with Carol Main (01483 talk about de-mining, mine-risk education, and prosthesis fi tting. Volunteers are needed of six programmes entitled ‘Weapons That 683254/ email [email protected]), and (whole day, morning or afternoon) for stewarding, talking to people, event set up/ clear Made Britain’ (to be aired early 2004). The look out for an article coming soonn to up, etc, and will be invited to attend a post-event get together. Contact me for more programme that we were involved with was BareFacts about our latest fun adventure of information. ‘Shield Walls’. To be fair I didn’t have a pulling a pond apart at a local infants school clue what I was letting myself in for, but (don’t worry, we got the school’s permission it was great fun! There were about 100 fi rst!) extras, varying from fi t young army cadets, GU2 Scott Farmer (AKA: The DAVE Project), and myself now have a slot on GU2 – let the volunteers’ enemy - don’t they look scary? | photo: carol main loose on the airwaves! You can listen to ‘The V & DAVE show’ on Mondays 4-6pm on 1350AM/MW or online anywhere in the world at www.gu2.co.uk.

There are also lots and lots of exciting longer term opportunities, for information on anything related to The V Project please contact me:

Name | Carol Main Tel | [01483] [68]3254 Email | [email protected] Web | www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU 23 October 2003 UNION 7

surrey ballroom dancers [right: claire beckett] 8 COMMUNICATION 23 October 2003 GU2bbc radio radio visits one by Duncan ‘Judge Mental’ Wilson to be as slick and pre-prepared as possible. instructions ‘for broadcast’ collected me For this reason, we were given ample studio and drove me to Yalding house in great It was early one July morning and Gaz drank some tea. After they’d laid out what and production time, which P and I used to comfort. We entered the studio and the real Davies, the former GU2 station manager, we were going to do over the next few days, our full advantage (prior to being left alone excitement hit me. This was it! Here we and I were milling about outside the BBC’s as well as briefed us slightly on Radio 1’s in one of the studios, we were instructed not were, the BBC together with P and Mental! Broadcasting House. Then P, formerly of marketing strategies, the fun began! to use any foul language as Moyles, who Let’s do it! The Vibe on GU2, arrived. As we made our We were shown around every room in the was next door, has a habit of putting other After a number of false starts, the fault of way into the foyer of Broadcasting House, a building, with them very tactically, saving studios on air when there’s somebody in the equipment and not ours, we got down huge amount of excitement began building the studios until last! We were taken down them ‘for a laugh’!). The initial three days to business. The show ran through the hour up inside me, for we were not just visitors to to meet Will, former producer of The Chris had ended and we’d enjoyed a good lunch nicely, with P and I getting into it more as Radio 1. No, we weren’t just in for a dash of Moyles Show, sidekick Comedy Dave and and dinner out with various Radio 1 staff the time ran on. By the sixtieth minute, celebrity spotting, no, P and I were going to later we met Chris Moyles himself. After members, met a few (or rather a lot, in P’s we wanted more! Three days later some present a show on the station! that, they had fi nally let us have a look at one case!) famous broadcasters, oh, and I met friends and I woke at 3am in small caravan, So it would have helped if we had the of the studios! We also got to see Newsbeat Busted too! somewhere in North Wales to listen to the right building! As the receptionist kindly go out on air live. They then introduced P One month on and it was show time! P result. I can safely say that was one of the explained we needed to walk another fi ve and I to Suzanna Wallace. Former producer and I met up to have a fi nal run through most surreal nights of my life! minutes down the road to Yalding House, for Mark Goodier, this lady had been our script, before taking it into Radio 1 for The opportunity to produce and present a the building where Radio 1 and 1Extra commissioned to be our producer for the Suzanna to peruse. We also had the tough show on Radio 1 came about after 1350AM broadcast from. one hour show we were going to produce decision over what our freeplays were going GU2 won the title ‘Student Radio Station Once inside, we entered a room, amusingly and present a month from that day. to be! I caused a bit of a stir in the music of the Year’ for the year 2001-02. It ended entitled ‘One Big Boardroom’, sat down and The show, despite being pre-recorded, had department by choosing Dee Lite’s ‘Groove up playing a big part in getting both P and Is In The Heart’. The reaction from them myself paid gigs within the industry. P now was “It’s not very Radio 1 is it?” to which presents The Presence for SBN, which is Suzanna replied “Er, listen! Jo Whiley’s syndicated to student stations, including playing it right now!”. Thanks Jo! GU2, across the UK, while I’m enjoying Much to the query of everybody else, we’d a stint covering SBN’s breakfast show. I agreed to record the show in ‘real time’, would like to fi nish off by thanking Gaz i.e. the show was to be broadcast at 3am for the excellent jingles he produced for on Monday 25th August, so we wanted to us, although he chose not to present on the record it at 3am, three days before. Thursday show, he still got his work on air! evening and the BBC car, booked with the

P presents ‘The Presence’ every Wednesday night from 10pm and Duncan Wilson presents ‘Breakfast with Shockwaves’ every weekday from 8am, both on 1350AM GU2!

duncan ‘judge mental’ wilson at radio 1

p of ‘the presence’ 23 October 2003 PROFESSIONAL 9 Dr Russ Replies

DR RUSS CLARK | UNIS CAREERS SERVICE A Blast From the Past

Got any good advice about performing Lorne Smith gives in insider’s view on 1970s Politics at Surrey. well at interviews? The atmosphere on most University campuses around the UK in were changed before the survey was published to bring Surrey down The interview is your opportunity to the early seventies, comparative to today, was rebellious. The late into the lowest quartile and allow the University Secretary to argue convince an employer that you’re the right sixties’ fl owerpower, peace and love movement was being hijacked that, comparatively, Surrey students were well off and could afford person for the job. That means achieving by the better organised Far Left Trotskyite Socialist groupings like a rent increase to £4.50. This in turn would benefi t future students, two things:- you must prove you have the Tariq Ali’s IMG and Paul Foot’s Socialist Worker party. as the University could then afford to build more residences and this right qualities and you must convince them You wouldn’t think this clamour for ‘permanent revolution’ would would save increased numbers of students having to pay higher rents that you’d love to do the job you’ve applied get far among Surrey University’s 2500 undergraduates, who were in the town. for. But rather than going in to an interview predominantly engineers or studying Hotel and Catering, etc, with Well this was manna from heaven. The fact that the second lot simply hoping it’s going to work out well for only a tiny Sociology department. Nevertheless a combination of of numbers could perhaps be justifi ed as the most accurate was you, it will pay huge dividends if you spend factors made it fertile ground for the Extreme Left for a period. irrelevant. We had caught the ‘capitalist lackeys’ cheating and some time planning beforehand. The brains behind the organised radicalism at Surrey were two lying and we were organised to take advantage of it to solidify the post-graduates. They were well-read, astute Trotskyites, whose strike. The propaganda was pumped out and the majority of students So what is the best way to do this? objectives were to use the Student Union to demand reforms that bewitched. they knew the authorities couldn’t accept in order to experiment in Somewhere between 70% and 80% of all students refused to pay First of all, make sure you examine the revolutionising the mind of the ‘rank and fi le’ student. their £4 per week rent and, instead, about 50% paid it into a Student job description closely. This will list the The Vice Chancellor was a delightful man, who tried hard to reach Union holding bank account, the interest being used to pay for the attributes which the job requires. Think out to the student leadership, for example, inviting them to his house propaganda battle. Some £120,000 between October 1972 and April about all you have done which you could for dinner and installing student representatives for the fi rst time on 1973 was kept away from the University and it was put under severe use as evidence to show that you meet those a number of important University committees. cash fl ow pressures. requirements. Employers are particularly I had been elected non-sabbatical ‘Arts Chairman’ of the Student I am pleased to say that I had enough sense to realise in my third keen to fi nd out whether you have Union for 1970-71 - an ill-defi ned role but we started the Surrey year that I needed to get my head down to obtain a degree and so, appropriate skills such as leading, problem- Free Festival (with Genesis - a local Guildford, undiscovered band having played the front man and set up the protest, I pulled out solving and organising and often ask you - joining the line-up!) and also built a screen printing process. These from further student agitation from autumn 1972 and left it to other to provide examples of when and how you gave me, a longhaired hippie at the time, a public face and the hotheads to create havoc from the confrontation. have demonstrated these in the past. You student body a capacity to produce quickly hundreds of posters, vital The University eventually offered a compromise of £4.35, which should next spend some time researching the in any propaganda campaign of that era. was thrown out by the general meeting of students against the advice employer in greater depth. Following what for the University authorities must have been an of its now ‘moderate’ president (elected by the full student franchise), alarmingly radical campaign, I was just voted sabbatical Student and this led to an occupation of Senate House about ten days before Is there anything else I should do before Union president for 1971-72. In the spring term of 1972 I chaired the end of the spring term 1973, which became national news. This the interview? eight one-hour weekly student meetings to discuss a new constitution was wildly exciting stuff for the Left Wing but, of course, was going (drafted by the Trotskyites), which moved the power of decision nowhere. No new ‘discoveries’ were made among the ‘fi les’ in Yes. Your planning should include taking making away from a student representative executive and put it in Senate House to sustain the grievance propaganda war and, with the another look at the copy you kept of the the hands of the general meeting of students with a minimum quorum holidays approaching, everybody went off home. application form. Think about the kind of only 50. The change was justifi ed publicly on the basis of greater £4.35 was subsequently agreed while Surrey’s image had suffered of questions you would ask if you were democracy and I am quite proud of the quality of those eight hours of much damage from the sit-in. the interviewer and plan how you would dry constitutional debate (!) but, of course, the outcome that we had You may have guessed that, though at 20 with a heart I was a answer these. Think particularly of all the planned allowed the motivated radical element who were prepared Socialist, by the time I was 30 I had discovered my head and was questions you’d hate to be asked and work out to turn up each week, to take power in the Students Union, using it to voting Centre Right. The above story illustrates the danger when the reasonable answers. It can do your confi dence disseminate more effectively and widely socialist ideas. Far Left (who seem to be back in fashion) has an opportunity to take a power of good if one of them comes up and It was only when the ‘Left’ went over the top and stirred up control of Trade or Student Unions or single issue pressure groups. you’re ready for it! By the way, we have an occasional backlash among the Rugby Club etc that the Their primary focus is in revolution rather than the interests of their a leafl et titled “The First Interview” in the ‘conservative’ element was able to rally its normally apathetic ‘silent members. Careers Service which has some examples of majority’ forces and vote down some proposal like ‘support the IRA’ commonly asked and more diffi cult questions (who were hiding their terrorism behind the Civil Rights movement Lorne is now Principal of Carew Smith International, a on the back cover. at that time). management recruitment company. He has also donated the Interestingly, Bare Facts was editorially quite separate from the Carew Smith Long Driving fl ask that has been presented annually What about the interview itself? Students Union, politically was ‘hippie/neutral’ and well run and, at the Alumni/Students Golf Meeting for the last 10 years. if we needed to communicate quickly with the student body, it Aim to be as positive as you can throughout had a much more effi cient distribution system than the University the entire procedure. You can rest assured that authorities. the employer wouldn’t even be interviewing During 1972 the National Union of Students, with the ‘careerist’ you if they didn’t think you could do the job, Jack Straw in the lead, was rallying a protest across the country but you’ve still got to convince them that against the Tory government and Margaret Thatcher, who was you’d really like to do it. I have met a number Education Minister. To try to create a political link between the of employers over the years who have told me ‘working class’ and ‘students’, they came up with the idea of how good Surrey graduates have been from a striking: not against their lecturers - as they would have been technical point of view but have added that laughed out of court - but against the cost of living. The Socialists, they haven’t all been that brilliant at selling now in full control of the Surrey Students Union, were well prepared themselves. So make it your aim to show a to organise a rent strike to make as much trouble as possible and the bit of enthusiasm! University was worried. If it hadn’t been for ‘the lie’, the Surrey rent strike would have petered out before Christmas, as did the vast majority of the 160 Do you have a question you around the country with their lack of justifi cation and, with no think Dr Russ could help with? further gains to be made in radicalising the student body through this issue, the Left would have gone back to protesting about the Vietnam Just send it to war or something else. But the NUS had a mole in the offi ce of the [email protected] or pop Government’s central university committee and it was discovered into the careers service and that Surrey had doctored its numbers. Its rent and food costs had speak to an advisor come in the highest quartile of a national survey, so the food costs

MARK OWEN FILM FEVER It’s a Ross Kemp In the Literature Section extravaganza in this week’s Arvind Virdee takes an theatre section, as Daisy alternative look at George Clay heads off too see ‘The Orwell’s first novel - not Taming of the Shrew’. for the fain hearted!

DANKO JONES WE SWEAT BLOOD singular Bad Taste Records albums THE KILLS PULL A U Danko Jones release their second single Domino album We Sweat Blood as a follow up to 2001s acclaimed Adding momentum to the burgeoning ‘two-piece The- Born a Lion. They sound prefixed girl/guy combo’ movement,The Kills, bolstered by somewhere between Motorhead, the lascivious vocals of VV (aka Alison), easily rival their celebrated AC/DC and The Wildhearts and Detroit-based counterparts in the gritty lo-fi blues stakes. Except Jack have opened for The Rolling and Meg are unlikely to ever record a Jonathan Fire*Eater cover as a Stones. The first singleI Want B-side – and if they do, it won’t sound this good. j.d. You is a catchy little bit of rock n roll, and other album highlights outstanding are Dance , Home to Hell and Hot Damn Woman. Also on the excellent track Heartbreaks a Blessing RZA IGGY POP they seemed to have borrowed good BIRTH OF PRINCE SKULL RING Virgin some lyrics from Aerosmith. ; Island Records The band will be over here in average December on tour so be sure to This is Iggy’s eagerly poor The latest offering from one of catch them. p.w. the biggest hip hop producers, anticipated follow up to his but most people would 2001 album Beat em Up, probably know him better as and a reconvention with his original band mates from The a member of the massive Wu SHIOBBHAN DONAGHY TRAVIS Psychedelic Stooges back Tang Clan. The overall sound REVOLUTION IN ME 12 MEMORIES in 1967. This album also is a bit sameish. It has all the London Records Independiente usual hip hop characteristics: has collaborations with his Stooges, Green Day, Peaches, lyrics about drugs, alcohol The red haired Sugarbabe who During Travis’ enforced 18 month break, it seems that their The Trolls and Sum 41 who and all the women they can seemed to vanish from the scene main rivals Coldplay have shifted up a gear or two and started appear on the first single Little possibly get into one room for a while, has re-emerged implementing their plans to take over the world. Travis still seem Know It All. The album Skull such as Drink, Smoke and with a surprisingly good album. to be stuck in first gear and are having all sorts of problems with Ring is a dose of old skool Fcuk. Featuring special Shiobhan proves that going solo, the clutch. 12 Memories retains their trademark sound, although punk with modern twists and guests Ol’ Dirty Bastard and from what has become one of lyrically it’s much darker, as seen in Peace the Fuck Out and Mid-Life in general is an upbeat album Ghostface Killah. It does offer the better known British female Krysis. The problem is there are no real stand out songs on the album. with some catchy tunes. some great beats behind the groups, was not a horrendous Current single Re-offender is the only song that even comes close to Some personal favourites somewhat predictable rapping. mistake. With great production their previous glories, although the heady days of Turn and Sing seem a include Perverts in the Sun If you’re a hardcore hip hop and some writing help, the songs long way away now. j.a. and the single Little Know fan then this should definitely flow beautifully and play around It All, which are very catchy appeal to you. d.m. with various genres, a bit of rock, tunes. Iggy Pop is back with a funky beats and some ethnic brilliant dose of good quali ty touches like a Chinese folk sound radio friendly punk that should on Next Human (xy). Its what be listened to by all. p.w. Natalie Imbruglia could be if she had Massive Attack and the Sugarbabes lending a hand. d.m.

22-20s 05/03 Heavenly Records

The American monopoly on garage rock may be coming to an end. This live mini album, taken a perfect circle from the Lincolnshire trio’s tour of the UK in May of this year (hence the album title), showcases some fantastic bluesy tunes that wouldn’t be out of place in the basement of some scuzzy club in New York. With tunes such as Devil in Me and Such a Fool oozing rawness and power, maybe This week’s music section is brought to you they can inject some freshness into a scene that is starting to by: Matt Badcock, Jon Allen, Catherine Lee, become quite stale. j.a. Jonathan Darzi, Dina Mystris, Michael Field, Peter Wigfield, and Neil ‘Tree’ Boulton. 23 October 2003 MUSIC 13

ROCKET SCIENCE BASEMENT JAXX THE CARLSONICS WELCOME ABOARD THE 3C10 KISH KASH The Carlsonics Eat Sleep Records XL Recordings Arena Rock

Rocket Science offer an assured British dance gurus, Basement All the signs are bad when presented with this record; eponymous and impossibly cool debut Jaxx are continuously on the pulse album title, naughty words in song titles, half-arsed looking cover album, bringing a much-needed of music scene moving with the (not that we judge cds like that) and such contrived, trite song titles dose of funk into the Garage times with their mix of innovative as Done In, Malaria Drive Through, Fucked Up and Out of Line. And Rock genre. With Welcome… dance taking another genre and those omens are proved correct as this Washington 3-piece (fronted they manage to incorporate giving it a good old kick up the To become part of the by Archie Moore of Velocity Girl and The Heartworms, all ye music an eclectic collection of songs ass. The impressive Good Luck bf buffs) dish out an orphanage gruel-like trudge through rock past, but which are far greater than the will no doubt electrify any dance , just with staid production, distant vocals and very boring songs. Some sum of it’s parts. Songmanship fl oor with Lisa Kekaula of the music team jagged riffs and catchy intro’s make things a bit more bearable but is top of the agenda, as lyrics Bellrays thunderous vocals on turn up to the meetings these 3-minute rock songs aren’t a patch on their obvious heroes the take a backseat, but this does what is a storming track. Man of Stooges and to an extent MC5. m.d.f not in any way detract from the moment and 2003 Mercury at on Mondays in the talent which oozes from Prize winner, Dizzee Rascal adds 5.15pm the speakers. In short this is his vocals to the magnifi centLucky the an album that demands full Star that combines Eastern sounds listening, and at just over half an with Rascals expressive urban USSU Media Centre hour, leaves you wanting more - style, a sure fi re winner. Third I urge you to investigate. m.f album from Basement Jaxx, Kish or email [email protected]. Kash is a fi ne all round album with masses of innovative quality that will delight any open minded The Strokes dance lover. m.b. Room On Fire Rough Trade Biffy Clyro/ Possibly the most anticipated SIDEWINDER Crackout @ release of the year follows Resolution the phenomenal 2001 debut Fenetik Music Mean Fiddler Is This It that projected The th Strokes into the limelight being Classically trained cellist Sidewinder, from Reading, boasts an 14 October hailed the best band in world. impressive c.v., having mixed for the likes of Groove Armada and Biffy Clyro and Crackout are two of the founder members Room On Fire opens in style Ministry of Sound and produced many compilations around the of the current Brit-rock movement including the likes of Kinesis with the fabulous What Ever world over the past fi ve years. As such this album on Soma Records and Funeral For A Friend. Whereas bands like My Vitriol and Happened? offering delightfully offshoot and chilled beats specialists Fenetik looks and feels much Vex Red have fallen by the wayside, tonight’s bands have got to the memorable guitar melodies and like a compilation, so far as mentioning individual tracks is somewhat promised land of the second album. Crackout have a few fantastic Julian’s characteristic vocals. meaningless. The music fl ows pleasingly and ticks a lot of late-night- songs, and on record they are great, but live, Steven Eagles’ vocals First single off the album, 12: chill-out-y boxes. The aim was to create a seamless mix of genre- leave a lot to be desired. Fortunately they do have the tunes to (more 51 encapsulates in two and hopping, sample-laded, emotive sounds and that has been achieved well or less) cover it up, and old tracks like I Am the One and You Dumb half minutes what they’re despite the occasional cringe-inducing moments when some cheesier Fuck combined well with new tracks including Robots Have Feelings. about, captivating guitars and sounds sneak in. I put this CD on as a good soundtrack to work to; it However, Biffy Clyro still showed them how it should be done. Their New York vocals producing a doesn’t get too fl ustered and isn’t really interesting enough to prove music seems to fl it from soft guitar melodies to raucous “If I attack wondrous sound of pure chic distracting. m.d.f. Rock n Roll. The closest The these guitar strings enough, maybe they’ll break” all out rock, and Stokes may get to a ballad, back again, usually several times in one song. The tunes ranged from Under Control is outrageously the fantastic melodies of 27, Justboy and 57 off their debut fantastic, rivalling What Ever I AM KLOOT @ Happened? as the star of album to the ridiculously titled, album with its quite beautiful Shepherds Bush The Thrills @ Shepherds Bush Empire yet fantastically loud toys, toys, th lyrics and mellow backing. Empire - 8 October th toys, choke, toys, toys, toys. Progressing from Is This It is 11 October The gig fi nished with Simon Neill climbing the speakers and a hard achievement for anyone Mancunians, I AM KLOOT are When I heard The Thrills’ debut album, I was quite disappointed. screaming the fi nal lyrics right with their rather blasé approach greeted by a muted response as After hearing One Horse Town and Big Sur I was expecting a few into the faces of those standing putting the cynics to rest. they take the stage after the most more killer tunes. However, live, they are a completely different in the upper level of the Mean Lasting no more than 33 minutes bizarre support known to man, the proposition. Tonight they were supported by Adam Green, one half Fiddler. Now the current rumour the maturely confi dent second karaoke Gimp wilding local boys, of indie oddballs The Moldy Peaches. His solo material is a quirky is, they are lined up to play No album Room On Fire lives up to King Have Long Arms. Starting combination of Johnny Cash’s tunes, Nick Cave’s vocals and Craig Wave Live later this semester. the hype with this fi ne collection. off slowly the pace momentarily Nicholls’ attitude. I really liked him, but he was still not good enough Here’s hoping... j.a. m.b. picks up with Your Favourite Sky to avoid being inexplicably booed off the stage. The crowd reception and the exquisite To You off debut for The Thrills was somewhat better. Well, in fact, everyone went album Natural History. Promoting nuts! Within the fi rst six songs, they had thrown away all of the songs self-titled second album the that I had decided were encore possibilities – Santa Cruz (You’re Not KLOOTS show promise with front That Far), Big Sur and One Horse Town. Not that I was complaining, man, Johnny Bramwell at the helm their Beach Boys style American West coast surf-rock sounded with his expressive vocals. As I absolutely fantastic. As the show continued, they played the left the venue a loud bloke shouted majority of their album So Much for the City, plus several what did you think of them? His new tracks, eventually fi nishing with a romp through rather glum mate responded, “I’ve Don’t Steal Our Sun, effectively telling everyone that, seen more life in a world war one no, we don’t need any big hits to fi nish with, because the grave”. Not the most joyous band rest of our songs are just as good! Thanks lads, in the world but why should they the brilliance of your live performance when they’re musically sound if has now well and truly converted slightly sombre. m.b. me. j.a. gigs 14 THEATRE 23 October 2003 The Taming of the Shrew by william Shakespeare After much anticipation, Daisy Clay heads off to the Yvonne Arnaud to see Ross Kemp in all his glory

After arriving a little late (oops) due to Square’s old bad boy Ross Kemp. Despite a distinct lack of parking as everyone piled having known Ross Kemp primarily in the Ross Kemp and Nichola McAuliffe into Guildford town centre to see Ross Kemp role of Grant Mitchell I found it easy to forget and Nicola McAuliffe in action, I came face- this, and to see him purely as Petruchio. He to-face with my dislike of heights, being made the transition from screen to stage seated in the upper circle. Once the feelings without fl inching, and delivered his lines of dizziness and nausea subsided (yes, I’m with perfect comic timing. a total wimp) I became so involved in the The relationship between Kate and performance that I soon forgot my fears. Petruchio has been widely discussed, as it Previous to the performance, I had is sometimes hard to understand the motives not encountered this particular work of behind their interactions. Despite Kate’s Shakespeare’s and knew nothing of the initial attitude towards men, Kate eventually storyline. However, having studied various gives into Petruchio, abandoning her other Shakespeare pieces (Macbeth and unpleasant manner. It seems that this happens Romeo & Juliet – those GCSE classics) when they fi nally embrace each other, and I was familiar with the lingo and didn’t as Nichola McAuliffe described in the after- have too much trouble picking up what I show discussion, when Kate touches him it had missed. It also did not take long before is “like being hit by something – amazing” I started feeling a strong sense of déjà vu. and she realises how amazing a relationship I had heard this story before in a fi lm, and can be. Petruchio also seems to enjoy Kate’s the fi lm in which I had heard this story was company, appearing to take pleasure from none other than the classic chick fl ick (and her feisty nature. This leads us to think it a favourite of mine to be honest) 10 Things could be possible that they actually do come I Hate About You, a modernisation fi lm to love each other. Nevertheless it must be version of the play. added that Petruchio not once actually refers The play is set in Verona, where we meet to Kate as a ‘shrew’ to be tamed, but as a Baptista Minola of Padua’s two daughters: falcon to be trained instead, which is much the younger highly popular Bianca and more of a challenge with more risks and less the older Katherina the Shrew. Cue the control. entrance of Petruchio, who endeavours to The after show discussion involved Nichola woo the bitter and seemingly unwinnable McAuliffe and also the producer Thelma Katherina so that he can take her dowry and Holt, CBE. This helped to add further so that his friend Hortensio can marry the insight into certain character motivations each actor would be reacting in some way This production of The Taming of the desired and fought over Bianca, who has and chosen interpretations of Shakespeare’s that was interesting to watch. Regardless Shrew was set in the 1960s, which was sworn not to wed until her sister does. Soon work. McAuliffe explained how Petruchio’s of how big a part the actor had, they gave chosen for the importance of money in after Petruchio begins to ‘tame’ Katherina game-playing was less about taunting or it their all and this really showed to the society at that time. A theme of the play by pretending that he fi nds her rudeness frustrating Kate, but more about trying to audience. is money, which is especially relevant to and resentful attitude appealing they get meet her at her own attitude to fi nd some Once the play had fi nished there were the situation of Petruchio and Kate, where married. Whilst Petruchio continues his comedy in Kate’s contemptuousness. This still a few funny moments in the after-show Petruchio temporarily starves Kate of food attempts to break the spirit of Kate, other was rather humorous as Petruchio explained discussion, primarily when one man asked and dresses her in tattered clothes. This men compete desperately for Bianca’s that Kate could not complained that he was McAuliffe her opinion of Kate obeying shows us how, once we realise that love attentions, creating confusion that is being horrid as he would maintain that Petruchio’s orders of her and whether this is about so much more than what we look somewhat classic of Shakespearean plays his actions were spurred from love. For was acceptable in a relationship – there like or what we have, it is about the person whereby two men pretend to be each other example, he denies he food for the fi rst day were sarcastic undertones in this question, we are inside. This may seem obvious, but and another man pretends to be someone of their marriage whilst she is still ‘shrew- which became understood when McAuliffe Kate only truly realises this once Petruchio else in order to get closer to Bianca. It all like’ saying that it was not good enough told him that Kate did not simply take orders has dressed her in his tattered clothing. The gets a little complicated but that is all part for her, all truly in an attempt to break from Petruchio, but that it was about respect audience is shown that once we realise the of the fun. Bianca then marries, and the her will. He also plays mind games with and love…and then said that the questioning relative unimportance of materials and play later concludes with a bet to see who Kate, repeatedly saying that the moon is man was her actually husband! She then money, we become happier. has the most subservient wife leading to an shining, whilst it is clear to all that the sun made the important point that being in love Although the couples around Kate and unexpected result. is shining, and that nothing can continue is about being willing to give up what you Petruchio seem set to last longer, or rather Nichola McAuliffe as Katherina the until Kate agrees that the moon shine not enjoy most in the world, but trusting your that they say that Kate and Petruchio’s Shrew is full of attitude and immediately sun. As soon as Kate agrees just to keep partner not to ask. relationship seems set to fail, the seemingly dominates the stage, with loud displays of him happy, Petruchio says that it is sun. When asked to compare The Taming of the perfect couple of Luciano and Bianca soon anger, especially towards men, contrasting Ross Kemp played these mind games with a Shrew with her role in Chitty Chitty Bang appear to be much less than this. The place strongly with her congenial, although mad-spark of enjoyment in his eyes, perhaps Bang, McAuliffe explained that “chitty at which the play ends leads us to wonder if somewhat spoilt-brat-like, sister. McAuliffe left over from his time as a Mitchell brother, was performing…this is acting”, where the a more destructive side of their relationship delivered a thoroughly captivating as despite the absurdity of the situation the audience, instead of being made to think would emerge in the event of a third act to performance throughout, portraying a fi erce manipulation was entirely believable. ‘weren’t those actors good’, are made the play. An overall message that although battle by Kate against her feelings, keeping Despite a cast of 24, I was thoroughly more to think about the characters and the people say that a Kate and Petruchio will the audience guessing as to Kate’s true impressed by their constant focus and the implications arising from their situations. never last, they work against the odds, and thoughts. effort put into their performance, as it was This was entirely true for me, as I left the end up being a couple happier than most Having met Kate, we hear that the big, bald always the case that wherever you looked auditorium thinking much more about the because of this – true love prevails over all! and bearded Petruchio, played by Albert on stage, regardless of where the action was, characters than about the actors. 23 October 2003 THEATRE 15 An Audience Theatrical Memoirs for the Guildford Book Festival with Ross Kemp One of the world’s most respected directors Inspector Wexford in The Ruth Rendell and one of the greatest actors of the Mysteries. However his career spans Ross Kemp takes a few moments out of his busy twentieth century are featured at the Yvonne more than fi fty years, having worked with Arnaud Theatre as part of the Guildford some of the all-time great performers and rehearsal schedule to answer some questions for Book Festival. directors from the West End to Broadway. Sir Richard Eyre was Artistic Director An evening of warm and witty stories barefacts’ theatre section. of the Royal National Theatre for from his recently published memoir most of the 1990s, a period which The Way to Wexford can be seen critics have described as a golden on the main stage at the Yvonne Describe your character in Taming; age. He has won numerous Arnaud at 7pm on Sunday 2nd and how realistic do you think awards, including an Olivier November. he is compared to men today? Award for Lifetime Achievement. Ermyntrude and Esmeralda, the Petruchio is eccentric, educated and well- He co-wrote the screenplay for, and charming, witty and racy tale of read but very poor. I think he is as realistic directed, the Oscar-winning fi lm Iris, two seventeen year old girls caused a as anyone else is today - he is solving starring Judi Dench and Kate Winslet; stir in 1914. But it’s author, Lytton the problem of not having any money by while his recent book National Strachey, was already known as marrying someone for their dowry - I Service: A Diary of a Decade is a controversial fi gure, being the am sure that is happening in many places based on the diary he kept when he doyen of the famed Bloomsbury across the world today. Ultimately it was Director of the RNT. Eyre is in Group. Strachey and his outrageous is a love story, the development of two conversation on the main stage at the tales are brought to life by Tim Heath th people’s regard and love for each other Yvonne Arnaud on Sunday 26 October, (Summoned by Bells, Not Yet the Dodo) and in the end they are happier than 7pm, with Guardian theatre reviewer in Lytton Strachey: By Himself at the anyone else. It is an endearing love and Michael Billington. Mill Studio on Friday 31st October I think the relationship will defi nitely last. Alec Guinness was indisputably and Saturday 1st November, 8pm. one of the greatest actors of the last Tickets for Main Stage shows are What is the appeal of doing a has the benefi t of getting to really know century, with memorable performances £10; Mill Shows are £8. Box Offi ce Shakespearean play; and have you done your fellow actors - I am loving that side in fi lms including Kind Hearts and Coronets, is open Mon to Sat 10am to 8pm - call much before? of things as well, they are a great company The Ladykillers, Bridge over the River 01483 44 It is an enormous challenge; I haven’t of people and have been a great support. Kwai and Star Wars. 00 00. done Shakespeare since I was at drama After his death in August school. He is the best writer of all time; I believe you became involved with this 2000, his widow asked when I was asked if I would be interested because of Nichola McAuliffe? Is this author Piers Paul Read I did think about it for a couple of days, true, and what’s it like working with her? - a friend of Sir Alec’s but thought I have ‘actor’ in my passport, Yes it is true! We met at a party and she said - to write a biography I should defi nitely have a go at one of his in passing you should play Petruchio and based on private papers and plays and this is one of his greatest - I am low and behold 12 months later here I am unpublished diaries. really honoured to be playing Petruchio. - so the motto of that is be careful of what Piers Paul Read on Sir you say at parties! I love working with her Alec Guinness offers a Is acting for the stage very different and she is a tremendous support. penetrating and perceptive to working on TV? In what ways? insight into the life an Yes, very, very different. I am really Want to be part of the intriguing and complex man enjoying rehearsing this and developing Barefacts Theatre Team? For at the Mill Studio, Yvonne Petruchio’s character. Television is a more details, email Daisy at Arnaud Theatre, on Sunday very different process, you have no real [email protected], or just 26th October at 4pm. rehearsal time and as an actor you have to turn up to barefacts meetings in George Baker is the quintessential be more instinctive and do things off the the USSU Media Centre at English leading man, familiar top of your head. Working in theatre also 5pm on Thursdays. to television audiences as Chief

How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking

By foot from campus: Box Offi ce (01483) 440000 By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive Leave campus by the bottom www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/ from Guildford, and parking is free in the of University Court, go across Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New Yorkie’s bridge, down the hill Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks and turn right to go into the Centre in central Woking, easily accessible town centre. Walk past the from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and train station and down Bridge A3. Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute Shopping centre), cut through train journey from Guildford, with trains the pedestrianised Friary Street, going every 5-20 minutes between continue along Millbrook past Guildford and Woking. Debenhams. The Theatre is just past this large building on the Box Offi ce (01483) 545 900 right. www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/ 16 FILM 23 October 2003

Secretary BeingClassic of the John Week By Tuoyo Amuka

As far as cinema goes, dealing with themes of an adult nature has always been Malkovich tricky. Often a director’s vision could be succinctly translated onto screen a la 91⁄2 weeks or artistic misrepresentation could easily ensue, Showgirls anyone. Secretary superbly manages to surprise and entertain accordingly. Director Steven Shainberg’s latest offering deals with the world of sado-masochism with such aplomb, I was very compelled to view his earlier works. The movie stars Maggie Gyllenhaal in her fi rst starring role as Lee Holloway, a vulnerable, recovering depressive. As the story is told in fl ashback, she narrates the experiences that have led her to her current situation. We’re duly transported 6 months earlier, as Holloway is discharged from a psychiatric hospital. Her BY NEIL BOULTON | FILM EDITOR his head and especially when Craig works her to lean over his desk while reading tenure, the result of severing an artery when out how to control Malkovich from inside out her effort. And proceeds to spank her. a routine self-mutilation exercise goes awry. In this weeks fi lm section the general theme his head. Then one question starts to arise Hard. Thereafter Lee and Grey embark To dull the pain of her aimless existence is ‘A Day At The Offi ce’. Actually less of a – Why does Malkovich have a portal? upon a bizarre and interesting relationship. and escape from an overbearing mother, she theme and more of a tenuous link. Anyway, Looking at it on paper probably made most One that is dictated by domination and gets a job as the titular assistant to a local if you are sitting comfortably, we shall movie executives think “It’s never gonna submission, soon he’s telling her how to lawyer. begin. Being John Malkovich represents the happen”, but it did and I’m very happy that dress, what to eat and how. Lee fl ourishes That 80’s relic, James Spader gives a working day grind at it’s most surreal and it did. The thing that probably got it made as result of this subversive association. Soon towering performance as the attorney in maybe calling a fi lm that’s only 4 years old was John Malkovich agreeing to be in it after she’s making mistakes intentionally, question. On the surface he appears to be ‘Classic of the Week’ is a bit premature, but playing a not-quite version of himself (His suddenly Grey stops getting physical after a comparatively decent individual, the only I think it deserves it. It’s not often a fi lm so middle name’s Gavin, not Horatio…). The realising he’s no longer in control. This allusion to his deviancy, a fondness for exotic originally bizarre gets fi lmed and let alone plot and the story are amazing, the amazing leaves Lee devastated and she tries to infl ict fl ora that’s displayed in his offi ce. Which with a big a cast as this. premise being teamed up with excellent the punishments on herself ; to no avail. appears to have been at the epicentre of John Cusack plays Craig, an out-of-work writing and where the fi lm is basically a The last third of the movie deals with the some natural disaster when Lee responds to and down-on-his-luck puppeteer (due to a comedy, and it is very funny, towards the reconciliation of Grey and Lee, after she an advertisement for the secretarial position. ‘wintery economic climate’) living in New end it also adopts several deeper tones. The is fi red and discovers she’s in love with Initially Mr. E Edward Grey (Spader) York, who is forced to take a job outside plot taking an unusual glance at the concepts him. It ends on a somewhat indecisive note attempts to discourage Miss Holloway from of his beloved art by his wife (Cameron behind being someone else, the self, identity as director Shainberg frets on the issue applying by asking some uncomfortable Diaz) in order to make ends meet. And so and at the very end even a look at hell. The of closure. Does Lee get her man or not? questions, but Lee gets the job all the same. he starts work as a fi ling clerk at Lestercorp. fi lm was directed by Spike Jonze, formerly Suffi ce to say you fi nd yourself rooting for Despite his yuppie-like appearance, Grey A company located on the 7 and a 1⁄2 fl oor responsible for shooting music videos her, hoping she does. is a stickler for old-fashioned values, aloof of a tall building (Getting to work involves (He directed the video where Christopher This movie was released to a lot of hostility and vociferously chastises Holloway when stopping the lift between fl oors and forcing Walken danced around a deserted hotel… in the U.S as some promotional posters she makes typographical errors. At one open the doors with a crowbar - After that before taking fl ight around the lobby), and depicted a woman bent double, just touching point he loses his composure, tells Lee to you can’t help notice the ceiling’s half as he does a bang up job with it – his years of her ankles with the slogan “Assume the come into offi ce, work in hand, instructs high) and that’s where he spends his days music videos being excellent training for the position” emblazoned underneath. While fi ling. That is until he discovers a small door subject matter. Also all the leads perform others had the woman in question stooping in the back of one of the offi ces, a door that greatly with the unusual subject matter. across a desk with Spader’s face, subtly leads him inside the head of John Malkovich. John Cusack is excellent as the unlucky positioned so one could just about view it. Once going through this door you see the and confused Craig Schwartz, Cameron A few rather vocal feminists weren’t too world through John Malkovich’s eyes, then Diaz does well as sexually confused Lotte pleased and made their opinions known after fi fteen minutes or so you get spat out – looking nothing like you’ve seen her in by demonstrating at select cinemas across into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey previous fi lms (Blonde locks lost in favour the country. If anything it only helped to turnpike. With the help of Maxine (Catherine of giant frizzy hair and dodgy sweaters) raise the profi le of the movie. Nevertheless, Keenar), a colleague he’s fallen helplessly in and Catherine Keener was nominated for an Maggie Gyllenhaal is fast becoming love with, they decide to make a quick buck Oscar in her role as the independent Maxine. everyone’s favourite odd-ball actress and on the magic door and start selling tickets to The fi lm’s visual style is superb and leads to she simply illuminates the screen with go inside John Malkovich’s head and see the many stand out moments, such as; Craig’s every slight nuance in this production. Not world through his eyes. Cusack’s longings initiation at Lestercorp, Craig discovering to be outdone James Spader’s understated for Maxine go unfulfi lled as she falls for the portal, a frenzied race through rendition of sexual deviant, Edward Grey his wife Lotte… but only when she’s inside Malkovich’s subconscious and the answer is near perfect. In fact, this is a movie the John Malkovich, an unusual love triangle to the question “What happens when a man Marquis de Sade would have paid money develops with Malkovich completely goes into his own portal?” If you haven’t to see. Steven Shainberg has created a cult unaware of Lotte being inside his head. understood any of this, I suggest you go see masterpiece that neither passes judgement Scorned, Craig tries to be with Maxine by the movie, all will become clear and you’ll on alternative sexuality nor mocks that most going inside Malkovich’s head instead of be watching the most original fi lm of recent sacred liberal mantra ; “different strokes for Lotte. All goes great until Malkovich fi nds years. If you have understood me, go see it different folks” literally. Secretary is out out about the business and the bizarre use of anyway, you’ll have a similar experience. now on general release, DVD and VHS. 23 October 2003 FILM 17 Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead Given the fact that Halloween is almost upon us those BBC2 | Little Shop Of Horrors | Roger Corman again, and no, this isn’t that fi lm with shady figures behind the various TV channels have been 1:20am – Steve Martin and Rick Morranis in it. This is the original, before the remake. putting their thinking caps on and… well… Guess what 2:30am Same plot applies though – a boy working in a fl ower shop grows a plant with a taste for human fl esh. That needs feeding. A lot. – Horror movies! Channel 4 is putting on something it’s dubbed ‘Shriek Week’ which has lead to a definite Sunday 26th October 2003

BY NEIL BOULTON scary twinge to the week’s proceedings. Spooky. Five | The Matrix | Given the recent hype of this fi lms twin sequels Reloaded 9:00pm – & Revolutions this fi lm doesn’t need too much of an introduction. Keanu Thursday 23rd October 2003 11:40pm Reeves plays the computer hacker who fi nds out the world we’re living in is actually a computer simulation imprisoning us all. Kung-fu and special effects Five | An American Werewolf In London | John Landis’ famous Werewolf romp everywhere. 9:00pm – - Two American tourists get attacked by a Werewolf whilst spending some time 10:55pm in quaint ol’ England. Defi nitely check out this Horror/Comedy hybrid, it also BBC1 | Falling Down | This fi lm fi ts right in with this week’s Offi ce-based theme and has Oscar winning special effects by Rick Baker too, which apparently makes 10:55pm – also a fi lm I’ll probably take more in depth look at later. Michael Douglas takes the Werewolf transformation scene a real treat. 12:45am the lead alongside Robert Duvall as he plays a man who on his way to work looses it slightly and decides to walk home, leaving a trail of destruction in his Friday 24th October 2003 path created by his annoyances with the world. Watch it. ITV | The X Files | One of the few non-horror fi lms in this weeks listing… or 12:00am – maybe it’s just a matter of opinion. Anyway, fi lm adaptation of the popular Channel 4 | The Blair Witch Project | Low budget student fi lm does good. The premise is 2:15am Sci-fi TV show. Two FBI agents, Mulder & Scully, go off in search of proof of 11:05pm – three students going off into the Maryland woods in search of the Blair Witch. extraterrestrial life. The fi lm has some nice set pieces in amongst its conspiracy 12:35am A year after their disappearance their fi lm cameras are found. Lots of footage story line. Aliens, cover-ups, the works. of the woods, if you like that sort of thing. Five | Frankenstein Unbound | Although it’s directed by Roger Corman – a man Channel 4 | Repossessed | Leslie Nielson! – It’s about damn time there was some 1:00am – famous for his super-low-budget schlock fi lm making – apparently this fi lm is 12:35am – Nielson on TV. Anyway, the fi lm’s a spoof of the Exorcist, and most of the 2:25am far from schlocky. Starring John Hurt, it concerns a scientist who inadvertently 2:00am gags’ll probably be groan worthy. But it’s a spoof so it should be some good gets sent back in time after inventing a weapon of mass destruction. He ends up disposable fun. meeting a very real Dr. Frankenstein (Raul Julia) and his famous monster. Monday 27th October 2003 Saturday 25th October 2003 Channel 4 | Bram Stoker’s Dracula | Young lawyer Jonathan Harker (A very cardboard Channel 4 | The Witches | Horror fi lms aren’t for everyone, so with that in mind… Here’s 10:40pm – Keanu Reeves) is sent to Dracula’s (Gary Oldman spraying ham everywhere 4:55pm – The Witches. Roald Dahl’s book is given the big screen treatment starring 1:05am – Nice) castle to fi nalise a land deal, but when Dracula sees a photo of Harker’s 6:30pm Anjelica Huston and Rowan Atkinson amongst others. A boy discovers a fi ancee, Mina, who unfortunately is the spitting image of Dracula’s dead wife, convention of witches in a hotel where they plot to rid the world of all children. he imprisons him and sets off for London to track her down. Saving the day would be easier if he hadn’t been turned into a mouse as well. Channel 4 | The Wicker Man | Christopher Lee, you can’t have a bunch of horror fi lms BBC1 | The Omen | Yes. The fi lm with the Cathedral in it. The wife of an American 1:05am – with out him! A policeman from the mainland comes to the little offshore 11:25pm – ambassador has a stillborn child, at the time they substitute another child for 3:00am island of Summerisle to investigate the disappearance of a girl. Upon arriving 1:15am their own. As the boy grows up they fi nd out he is in fact the son of Satan. As he discovers the island’s tight-knit Pagan community. Defi nitely one to watch, you do. Horror classic. especially with its great ending. 18 LITERATURE 23 October 2003

Burmese Days - by George Orwell LiteratureArvind Virdee takes a rather alternative look at George Orwell’s controversial first novel

Burmese Days was George Orwell’s fi rst novel, inspired by a touching tale of unrequited love, the blame for which and his miserable stint in the Burmese Imperial Police Service. for all the other petty idiocies in the story lies squarely at the When you read the fi rst chapter, you get a heady stink of foot of the Empire. And to round things off, it has an ending near every author who took up pen ‘twixt 1918 and 1945; every bit as miserable as 1984’s was. it smells of Waugh, Woolf, Forster, and a whole slew of the Out of Burmese Days and 1984, I fi nd Orwell’s earlier melodramatic little turds. And consequently you know – or and less famous work to be the more powerful and moving. you think you know – exactly what you’re gonna get. Both shout loud and clear that the worst thing you can do U Po Kyin, the principal baddie, is a Burmese magistrate to a man is to rob him of his freedom to think. But where who has risen to his position on a veritable fountainhead the Party accomplishes its goal with helicopters, cameras, of corruption, engaging in every form of venality you can informants, torture, brainwashing and bullets; the men of imagine. Dr. Veraswami is the local medico; not only his the Club do the same without effort, armed with nothing but training but his entire outlook seems imported from the peer pressure and the tyranny of the clique. “Do not think West. He is an enthusiast par excellence of the British for yourself; think as we do, or we will shun you, and you and their Empire, a kind of Indian Uncle Tom, if you will. will be alone.” His close friend is the white timber merchant Mr. Flory, a Freedom of thought has enemies other than governments, member of the exclusive European Club. The club is due to than men with guns. The pressure of conformity is far more elect its fi rst non-white member; U Po Kyin seeks to slander, insidious, and in today’s world perhaps more relevant. From discredit and ultimate disgrace Veraswami in the eyes of the petty group despotisms – remember being cowed into toeing Europeans by a policy of subterfuge, calculated deceit, and the line at school? Perhaps even here, at university? – to dirty tricks. Naturally thwarting Veraswami’s admittance to the effects of mass media, people seem more ready to shun the Club. forming their own opinions in lieu of swallowing ready-made And now can you guess at the plot? Go on, take a wild stab. ones. There are indeed notable, and admirable exceptions, I anticipated for my part nothing more than a pant-wettingly but “following a crowd” seems to be depressingly prevalent. drossy yarn about how noble Dr. Veraswami and upstanding The languid nightmare of Burmese Days shows what this Mr Flory over the course of 200 pages beat U Po Kyin at his leads to. Learn this from it. Freedom to think, to draw your own game, and perhaps send him off to Wasp Island with his own conclusions, and to live your life as you wish requires nuts coated in jam. Meanwhile Veraswami, the paragon of a only one act of will. Make that act, I implore you. decent, British value system is accepted to the Club, and all the protagonists dance around singing the praises of Imperial glory and righteousness. That what you thought? You don’t know jack, and you - Union Councillor Elections - sure as hell don’t know George. After you keep reading you get struck with the extreme distaste which Orwell held As the role and importance of Union Council is returning to its former high, we are presently in the process of for those imperialistic sentiments he had heard bounced recruiting students to specifi c Union Council roles, so that all students are represented democratically. around during his time in Burma. The Europeans spend The role of a Students’ Union Offi cer is to represent all students and issues within their remit. The following meetings their time shut away inside their club from the country they are for any of you who want to be considered for an ‘Offi cer’ position, or just have an interest in the issues surrounding have conquered and claim to be nurturing, at their worst each area : constantly emitting casually vicious remarks slating “the slimy little babus” who do all their work for them. Orwell Monday 27th October 2003, 5.30pm in the Activities Centre Disabled Students’ Offi cer does a hell of a job in getting across the utter despair of Tuesday 28th October 2003, 5.30pm in AP4 International Students’ Offi cer his main character Flory; as he is constantly reminded that th nowhere among the Europeans, even the kinder, gentler ones Wednesday 29 October 2003, 4.00pm in the Activities Centre Mature Students’ Offi cer th can he fi nd an affi rmation of what he knows to be true – that Wednesday 29 October 2003, 5.30pm in the Activities Centre Environmental Offi cer an Indian or a Burman is a human being no better and no Friday 31st October 2003, 4.00pm in the Activities Centre Part Time Students’ Offi cer worse than a European. Friday 31st October 2003, 5.30pm in the Activities Centre Women Students’ Offi cer And it dawns on you. In Burmese Days lie the seeds for 1984. Flory, every bit as much as Winston Smith, strives Each offi cer will bring together a committee of students who are interested in their respective area, which will discuss for the freedom of thought which he is denied, and seeks issues that can then be fed back to Union Council. This will ensure that the Union is kept informed about the needs of salvation through a fi t bird. Which in Flory’s case is a real the students and then have the knowledge and insight to act appropriately. posh hum dinger named Elizabeth Lackersteen, the newly arrived niece of one of the club’s members. Yet where Examples of issues that could be addressed are: The Environmental Offi cer may want to increase awareness of Winston’s Julia was a dame after his own heart; Elizabeth recycling household items across campus accommodation, the Disabled Students’ Offi cer might look at the current Lackersteen is as genteely bigoted against the locals as any accessibility of our campus, or the Mature Students’ Offi cer could explore alternatives to the current social events and the others. Flory can’t see it, of course; in a nutshell, he activities offered. cannot believe that anyone with eyes so blue, hair so blond, and tits so nice as hers could be anything other than pure of You can offer as much or as little of your time as appropriate to any of these positions, there is not a required weekly mind and heart. He works himself into the happy delusion amount. We work on an anytime is better than none philosophy! that he can bring her round to his point of view; bring her to love him as he loves her; and fi nally get hitched so they can If you would like any more information about any of the Offi cer positions, responsibilities or the appointment process, be happy together and all the imperial drum-bashers in the please do not hesitate to contact either Pete ([email protected]) or Claire ([email protected]) or pop into the world can go piss up a rope. Union Activities Centre for a chat. So instead of dry imperial or anti-imperial polemic, you got 23 October 2003 INTERACTIVE 19 Word Search b fpub quiz This weeks wordsearch is a bit musical. Matt Adams, Ben Berryman and Neil Christie What is the county town of Essex? have cunningly hidden twenty musical instruments, from the everyday band instrument to 1 some more exotically orientated works of master craftery. Happy hunting! Who2 played Granville in the TV sitcom Open All Hours? If you fancy coming up with a theme for next weeks wordsearch, then email them across to us [email protected]. What3 is dermatophobia the fear of? U B S V Z T B U I L D A X L F What is the technical name for the collarbone? F P T A C I N O M R A H Z O Y 4 P A Z E N I R U O B M A T B Z Which5 fi lm actor began his climb to stardom in the classic TV cowboy seriesRawhide ? E L Y E N A T H S P D R O M L A Bajan is an inhabitant of which island? Q N F N V I C A T M R V B Y E 6 Mount Vesuvius is near which Italian city? T K O O D I R E G D I D S S H 7 P T O H S E E A G O B O N P Y In mathematics, which prefi x refers to 10 to the power of minus 9? Z U R P P L U E L G N A I R T 8 C B R O E O U A V C U I N O P The9 name of which dance literally means ‘double step’? J A H L M F X B Q O O I I J S Who shot Mr Burns? H E U Y D B U A U N U R T N M 10 Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are Q K F X N O O S S A B O K A U at the bottom of page 20.

U P F G K N X N D I F X P B R If the bf pub quiz has whetted your appetite for something more S S D A F L U T E P M U R T D ‘real’, then grab your mates and toddle along to Chancellor’s at 8.30pm on Thursday night and pit your wits against the resident O H C G T G Y P B K I D W B M quizmaster, Chris ‘Funkyberry’ Hunter, at the weekly The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 20, underneath the Rawson’s Creek. Chancellor’s Challenge. Numb3r

The words are themed around this week’s front page story. puzzl3 The idea is the same as before - Ben Berryman’s number puzzle is back from its brief vacation in the sunny south. Do you unscramble each word, then like the number puzzle in barefacts? Got any new ideas for the interactive page? Then pop take all the letters from the over to the nearest computer and let us know at [email protected] or come and fi nd us circles, and unscramble them in the Media Centre at the Students’ Union. The answers to this and all the other Interactive to make the fi nal word. puzzles are at the bottom of the next page. Words and scrambling by Ben Berryman, the man that can twist words better that your average polititian... It’s very simple really - all you need to do is fill in the missing numbers from 1 to 9 in the boxes. ILLP KIRND Each number is only used once in the grid. DYABNR DGRU Each row is a simple maths equation DAOVK ILQUTAE (argh, remnants of GCSE maths!) LOHLACO KIHSYW You might or might not remember that multiplication and division come before addition and subtraction. Something about ‘BODMAS’ I seem answer: to remember. Anyhow, that might help here...! 20 LIFESTYLE 23 October 2003 The lyrics Quiz

Back to lyrics this week, with a mega effort from ‘The Team’, otherwise known as Neil Christie, Matt Adams, Ben Berryman, Chris Ward and Sarah Butterworth. It’s a bit of a random collections of songs, but if the various questions and answers thrown around Sabbatical Offi cers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random the Media Centre late on a Tuesday night are anything to go by, it shouldn’t be too hard! slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union... Think you can write the lyrics/slogan/anything else quiz? Email [email protected].

AFTER PUSHING 5 months in my fi rst ever I HAVE BEEN to the theatre quite a few times, full time job lasting more than 3 months, I but I had never appreciated the true power at last booked a day off last Friday. Since of envelopment that comes with being 1 You said I wasn’t cheap, You paid me twenty pound only 3 days of no work doesn’t really afford seated at the very front of a performance I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again time for a holiday of the likes of jetting off until tonight. I was kindly asked to review 2 somewhere hot and sunny, my boyfriend Madame Bovary for barefacts (see next 3 I like cigarettes and that’s no gag, but you’ll always be my favourite fag Ben and I decided to jump on the oh-so- week’s Theatre section), and although I luxurious train to Portsmouth and head arrived a little late I was allowed to sit in a 4 Am I just paranoid or am I just stoned? across to the semi-sunny Isle of Wight for jump-seat in the highest furthest back row in a few days by the beach. OK, it’s not quite the theatre. 5 He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink your average beach holiday, but despite the MY view of the stage was about 60% un- From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell gale force winds the sun was out, and we obstructed, and while you could hear the 6 were on holiday! characters and see what they were doing, 7 I’d rather be liberated, I fi nd myself captivated BEN normally forms one half of the ‘Scooter you felt no emotion for what they were and Banjo Show’ on GU2 over Friday going through. Expressions… glances… 8 I’ll be stumbling away slowly learning that life is OK lunctime, so he had a sub in for Friday’s eye contact… breathing… were all lost over show - the infamous barefacts Editor Crazy the distance. The lady next to me had funny 9 Am I original? Am I the only one? Am I sexual? Chris. Unbeknown to us they started the noises in her tummy, my seat almost gave Come in over my face, wash away all the shame show talking about the VP Comms and new way when I lent too far forward, there were 10 Exec Offi cer being away for a dirty weekend red lights in ceiling portals (just too recessed together, then decided to give Ben a call, for me to see though) - and before long it so that through the wonders of modern was time for interval drinks. technology he could talk on air all the way POST interval drinks I was able to take up from the Isle of Wight! When Scoot asked my ticket’s true allocation, which was an Ben “what’ve you done with Sarah?” he aisle seat one row from the front of the stage replied “I don’t know what I’ve done with – and my experience changed totally! The her, but she’s next to me with a smile on her characters how had eyes, they breathed, and face”. A perfectly innocent comment from even shed tears. I was right there – they were him, but perhaps not so, when heard along around me, and I was part of their lives. with Scott and Chris’ earlier comments! In moving just fourtyish metres forward This week I am mostly … gathering ammunition before I now have that feeling when you’ve between Acts I can now understand why the launching another attack as part of my ongoing fi ght against been saving something up to tell someone, stall seats in the Les Misérables theatre have poor customer service! and when you see them at last, you just tissue boxes in place of binoculars – you feel can’t remember what you were going to what the characters feel. OK, an appeal to any statisticians amongst you: realistically, say. Living in Surrey Court Wey, as I do ON the face of it there seems to be no what are the chances of both an album I’ve ordered [a month (the one with the lovely lecture theatre/ parallels between what I have just written ago I hasten to add] and concert tickets for the same band not amphitheatre/senate house views), I tend to and hedgehogs…but my friends – I took the ever arriving? Since this is the predicament I fi nd myself in get ‘entertained’ every Monday, Wednesday red pill! this week, it looks like I’m to have the joy of fi nding myself and Friday night at exactly 2am. Yup, that’s LAST week I wrote about watching a embroiled in a lengthy exchange of correspondence with Union kicking out time! Actually, strike out hedgehog outside my room, well on Monday all and sundry as I track both down. Usually, I fi nd writing vitriolic letters demanding the Friday from that list, as I’m normally night I helped rescue one that was stuck on compensation for shoddy service therapeutic, but for some reason, at the minute I can’t one of the kicked out masses then, but the the campus perimeter road by Twyford seem to fi nd the words. Never normally one to shy away from antagonism, this serves other days I’m treated to some intriguing Court! This meant getting down on the as further proof that I’ve not really been feeling myself of late. You see once I get a snippets of conversation drifting up from ground beside it and touching it, and looking principle into my head, there’s no budging my opinion - I’ll defend it to the grave – and the path right outside my window into my it in the eye, and even making it jump with since I’m equally gullible, I will undoubtedly rise to any bait dangled in my direction. room. It’s right now I get that feeling. I’ve my over excited voice (although someone My friend from home thrives on throwing controversial comments into previously- heard 101 semi-conversations - you know else actually moved it in their jumper)… and casual conversation just to see me react [“women going to university are just wasting the the type - where the most random things on if last week I thought hedgehogs were edible taxpayers’ money” is a particular favourite of his]. earth are being said, that would have made from just watching them – this week I want a I’m not averse to playing devil’s advocate either, if I feel there’s a point to be made. On one sense in their full context, but are completely three course meal of hedgehogs!!! occasion, I managed to totally baffl e a waiter by demanding to know what he would serve a confusing to an unwitting eavesdropper. SO as with the theatre, you can kind of get vegetarian given that there were no meat-free options on the menu. He assured me his team BUT you know what? I can’t for the life of the idea from watching at a distance, but you of highly skilled kitchen staff would be able to rustle up a tasty concoction for me from me remember any of the strange, bizarre ir only really get true emotional appreciation their exquisite provisions of … cheese and pasta. Now, maybe I underestimated the chef’s just downright worrying things I’ve heard! when you are up close to something. skills but somehow, in comparison with the offerings of sirloin steak and fresh salmon for the carnivorous diners, an adhoc macaroni-cheese-affair just didn’t seem an adequate ‘ickle sarah butterworth chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter alternative. I said as much, but you can imagine the guy’s confusion when I then proceeded to order a chicken dish. I then had to embark on a long-winded explanation, that actually

no, I’m not vegetarian but if I was then quite frankly, service would not have been up to brandy, tequila, whisky, pill, drug, vodka, alcohol, fi nal answer: Rohypnol answer: nal fi alcohol, vodka, drug, pill, whisky, tequila, brandy,

drink, drink, Scramble:

Boys – Everybody, 10. Tatu - All The Things She Said | | Said She Things The All - Tatu 10. Everybody, – Boys scratch. That gave him food for thought.

7. Catatonia – Mulder & Skully, 8. A-ha – Take on Me, 9. Backstreet Backstreet 9. Me, on Take – A-ha 8. Skully, & Mulder – Catatonia 7. To be honest, that this exchange was conducted verbally is fairly out-of-character – I’m 5. Chumbawumba – Tubthumping, 6. White Stripes – Seven Nation Army, Army, Nation Seven – Stripes White 6. Tubthumping, – Chumbawumba 5. much better on paper, and have been known to spend hours co-ordinating hatemail

– White Flag, 3. The Hazzards – Gay Boyfriend, 4. Greenday – Basketcase, Basketcase, – Greenday 4. Boyfriend, Gay – Hazzards The 3. Flag, White – campaigns against large corporations [Virgin trains in particular actually but start me on 1. Babybird – You’re Gorgeous, 2. Dido Dido 2. Gorgeous, You’re – Babybird 1. quiz: Lyrics | Simpson Maggie

ango, 10. 10. ango, Clavicle, 5. Clint Eastwood, 6. Barbados, 7. Naples, 8. Nano, 9 .T 9 Nano, 8. Naples, 7. Barbados, 6. Eastwood, Clint 5. Clavicle, my experiences of long-distance train travel and that’s a whole other column…] There’s

Chelmsford, 2. David Jason, 3. Skin, 4. 4. Skin, 3. Jason, David 2. Chelmsford, . 1 quiz: pub bf

xylophone | | xylophone defi nitely an art in it: subtly blending disdain and politeness is a skill not to be underrated.

symbol, tambourine, triangle, trombone, trumpet, tuba, ukulele, viola, viola, ukulele, tuba, trumpet, trombone, triangle, tambourine, symbol, So today, it’s me versus the music industry. Let battle commence.

didgeridoo, drums, fl ute, guitar, harmonica, harpsichord, piano, saxophone, saxophone, piano, harpsichord, harmonica, guitar, ute, fl drums, didgeridoo, banjo, bassoon, clarinet, clarinet, bassoon, banjo,

UPSIDEDOWN ANSWERS: Wordsearch: ANSWERS: UPSIDEDOWN Catherine Lee 23 October 2003 LIFESTYLE 21

the sillyStarsby psychic sandy Libra Capricorn Aries Cancer With a funky new Do you ever feel there’s Your Fake Tan Fan You’re climbing the hairdo and a cool more to life than being problem has been walls with frustration wardrobe to match, you really really ridiculously getting a bit too at the mo, but we’re are certainly the bees’ good looking? And much lately. Pale and sure Thursday night at knees as November that it’s always ‘Me interesting is not such Time will sort that out. rapidly approaches. However, its time to Against the Music’? Don’t worry, it won’t a bad look – particularly when used in Bring on the pink satin PJs and the orange save those pennies and get In The Zone last long – you weren’t cut out to be a conjunction with Blue Steel. You should swimming cap. Worn with boxer boots, with Ms. Spears on the 14th. Stag Hill model. Or a pop tart. Then again, you’re so have been christened Derek. Supermodel. you’ll only be getting the right kind of Reception is your lucky location, so don’t vain you probably think it’s all about you. Maybe you’re born with it. attention. stray far and you’ll fi nd everything is fi ne Who knows…but keep Nov. 8th in mind for and dandy. musical enlightenment. Taurus Leo Whatever else you do Yellow is your colour Scorpio Aquarius this week, make sure and it’s too cool for Bedridden, snotty- Give cheese on toast you don’t catch the ‘fl u. school right now. nosed, weepy-eyed… with Dijon mayonnaise It’s not big and it’s very Matched with cerulean all these symptoms a try - it’s pretty good. defi nitely not clever. blue, it’s stunning but suggest you’re not the This week could Kitekat may be cheap but it’s not really a hey – you’re always stylin’. Wrap up nice animal you once were. be challenged to a healthy option. Stop kissing inappropriate and warm and drink lots of milk. Dye it Its time for you to grab an Orange Mocha walk-off. Stay away form leopard-print people - or else come November I’ll be orange a la Samantha. Strut your stuff out Frapuccino, spray on that 4-star, and set the underwear. It’s for male models only. Choo saying “Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” on Saturday – it’ll be your lucky night. place on fi re. Wake us up before you go-go. choo Thomas. Don’t look at me like that. Gemini Virgo Sagittarius Pisces Angel dust. Spangles Moustaches are in – but Ged oudda heeeeere… At least the heated pool and sparkles are your only for the female of You had no idea will keep you warm. thang this week – it’s the species. Fire eating Magnum would be If you don’t happen to all about the glitterbabe is hot; ice cream is not. so damn powerful. own one, a warm bath look. After several Wear your socks inside Girlfriend, you hot! Just will (just about) do. I minor setbacks, you’re back and Ready out and your wonderpants on your head. Relax and try to avoid famous people and know it’s easier said than done, but try and To Go on Tuesday. Cut your hair into a Woooo. Fetish Night is coming - only a few world leaders. Find Hansel in the Union have a night in this week. You can always bob and dye it black with red stripes. Even weeks to go - so get thinking about fi nding (he’s so hot right now), but avoid the odd go wild during Reading Week (that’s if you’re male - it’s going to be the next the best costume now, before the rush hits purple coloured alcopops. obviously what its for). fashion fad, honest! the Guildford shops. - Personals - It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends (or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright strange, and then find yourself a computer or indeed a scrap of paper if technology isn’t your thing). [email protected] is the email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject, and then all you need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and the look of horror on your friends’ faces...

lewis cheeseman, lick my nether-region, makes needs to experience it!! I haven’t said anything dumb this week! That was like totally wicked cool! me go tingley, turn me on, turn me on - Crawl between Becky’s legs and plug it in! Hey princess, I was talking about him being - Why, has she got a generator down there or Meow, pussycat. Purrrrrrr. To the w*nker who nicked my wallet in LTM on a Noble gentleman...... don’t know what you something? Paintbrush: with hair like that, I’m surprised you Monday: Cheers. thought I meant????? know anything about hairdriers. Another party next Saturday?... The civ eng boys are so confused, I may have vomited at least twice but at least I Argh!!! Chemcaaaaaad!!! Its starting to leave them bemused, didn’t snog the yetti!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if you did have a disturbing dream about a who is writing these amazing riddles, less than attractive girl, i still love you! xx The call me Big Jon because of the size of my That make their bodies tingle and tickle, Whats the word of the week????? feet. Honest. Enough clues have been given away, “dont waste water, think of all the trees!” So its time for me to bid good day, I love you lots and lots Simon. Love from your Keep ‘em coming, boys and girls, I’m still not To Longdog, Ed, little jeff and the not forgotten little LJ XXXXXX “let’s get hugging baby!” gonna tell you. Stu, Nick, smelly Andy and Boom Boom too. bad luck Bok they tried hard But GO You made me ill... I want to have some of your chilli, but what do I ENGLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do? “Horary for tit w*nks, wicked cold mate, thanks for sharing!!!! “Franz... ooh, sorry, i wrote Trans by mistake!” “I Gaybar, gaybar, gaybar. Who the f**k used the bucket for mopping the would be a dead man!” mine, mine, mine, mine, mine fl oor!, I think it’s locked!!!! JMB, You are a a Huge God! U make my fantasties I have the keys of power! Fear me!!! Because Dude! You just can’t hide a 6 foot Complete!! Px Ben, I love you soooo much. Love from S xx bong!!!, Stop Fees Now. 26 Oct 03. Be there. Pete - when you write an email the ‘subject bit’ I found nemo!!! Thats a nice name... Err, you know Sean’s little schizophrenic isn’t the same as the ‘address’ bii! What a wicked night! problem?” I wanna go back to Seaview – our own kitchen? It’s like waiting for the Titanic to sink You alright, gorgeous? Luxury!! “You can tell Chris has been down here.” “How?” “All the lights are off.” But what if you were really a mong? How on earth did we end up in The Drink? Chris: “Be careful, Neil, we’ve already done the i LOVE the big fat cucumber, i think someone gay thing!”

23 October 2003 SPORT 23 UniSport Injury of the Week: Shin Splints

Over the last few weeks at the Optimum Periostitis is a common complaint in (and possibly some men???) who wear high- from) Fitness Sports Injury Clinic we have seen athletes/sports people who often change heeled shoes can also suffer. Massage to breakdown scar tissue to ‘tibial a re-occurring problem with ‘shin splints’. surfaces and types of shoes, alter techniques, sheath’ inside of shin, uncomfortable but This is greatly due to hard ground, as we or subject themselves to intensive training Symptoms of shin splints defi nitely worth it!!! have had such a good summer and very on hard surfaces i.e.; rough hard ground, Tenderness over medial (inside) of tibia Once the condition has settled down begin little rain. There is a very mixed view to wooden fl ooring (without the spring), astro (shin bone) low impact exercise i.e. gym – exercise what shin splints actually are and how to –turf etc… Periostitis can be triggered by Swelling can be felt and seen bike, cross trainer, weights. treat them, so please read the following for a running and other sports with elements of The pain ceases at rest but returns survival guide… jumping, the main cause of the pain being when participating in exercisePain is Preventative measures The correct term is; Medial tibia stress repeated take-offs from a hard surface. triggered when toes or ankle joint are bent syndrome (periostitis of the medial margin Runners who run tip-toe, run with their feet downwards Sports people who play rugby, football, of the tibia ‘shin splints’). turned outwards, or use spiked shoes can Pain can also occur to the ‘tibalis anterior’ hockey, netball etc… really should have suffer from these complaints. Also ladies muscle on the outside of the shin a ‘sports massage’ regularly to loosen tight muscles, improve elasticity in tissues, Treatment increase fl exibility, break down old scar Pain is a warning, which should signal tissue, improve circulation and drain rest. The sooner training is given up (Rest), lymphatic system. This will improve Women’s Football Triumph the more rapidly the injury will heal. A performance and recovery from sport. chronic condition can then be avoided. A thorough warm-up and stretch before BY NATALIE BARETTE half. A combination of crunching tackles Ice the area in which the pain is. the games/exercise commence. Appropriate and crisp through balls will make opponents Deep tissue massage to loosen-up calf shoes/foot wear is essential. If you do play After much hard work and preparation, fi nd this team hard to break down, especially muscles (where the problem usually starts on astro-turf then its wise to look into ‘shock UNIS women’s football team fi nally took with the precision of Steff at the back, able absorbers’, which take the impact out of the the fi eld on Wednesday to demonstrate to to clear every ball and not COMPLETELY exercise. all our immense ability, talent, and desire miss any!! (Nice one Steff!). It was an to win. This was blatantly proven with a impressive performance by all the team and convincing 5-1 victory over Southampton I’m sure a joy to watch. Player of the match Optimum fitness Institute. was Sarah who dominated midfi eld. Sports Injury Clinic Although only a ‘friendly’ match, the team Southampton were very lucky that this went out with tenacity and determination was our fi rst match together and so not Monday – Saturday to ‘kick ass’ (quite literally)!! Under the all chances were converted. The potential great captaincy and leadership of Heather is certainly there and it is fair to say that 50% discount to students Ford and Stephanie Millington, the team women’s footy is on the up. This is our year were able to fi ght back from an early so to all opposition, including Women’s 25% discount to staff

goal putting us 1-0 down, and showed no hockey and anyone else who dares challenge signs of looking back. With some quite us “Bring it”, but only if you can handle majestical moves, the Surrey team played getting beat. BUSA awaits and we have For more information freely creating many chances, and it wasn’t much to show, still not at full strength with call: before long that the goals started pouring star players out injured, I warn challengers in. Goals came from Christine, Sarah and now that if you aren’t scared yet, you’ll be Tel 01483 452028 Jen, Christine fi nishing off two moves with shitting yourself when we get going! deadly fi nishes, Sarah scoring twice, with Remember this line because it certainly Or pop into the clinic a screamer from 30 yards and Jen slotting won’t be the last time you hear it this year… first floor UniSport home after an amazing run from our own ‘WE ONLY BLOODY WON!” BUSA Results | 15 October 2003 BUSA Fixtures | 29 October 2003

Mens Womens Mens Rugby Union SURREY 1st vs London SB 1st 5-27 Badminton st st Basketball Badminton Portsmouth 1 vs SURREY 1 nd nd Chichester 1st vs SURREY 1st Reading 1st vs SURREY 1st 8-0 Squash UCL 2 vs SURREY 2 SURREY 2nd vs Kingston 2nd 8-1 SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st 5-0 SURREY 2nd vs Brunel 1st 2-1 Basketball Netball SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st Basketball LSE 2nd vs SURREY 2nd st st Womens Kent 1 vs SURREY 1 91-62 Football Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st Football Fencing Badminton SURREY 2nd vs Portsmouth 4th SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st st st st SURREY 1 vs City 123- SURREY 1 vs LSE 1 5-4 SURREY 3rd vs Brighton 4th 134 Brighton 5th vs SURREY 4th Hockey Basketball th th SURREY 1st vs Portsmouth 1st st st SURREY 5 vs Portsmouth 5 Football Portsmouth 1 vs SURREY 1 35-33 Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st 1-0 Golf Rugby Union nd rd Hockey st st SURREY 1st vs Reading 1st SURREY 2 vs SURREY 3 4-1 st st Buckinghamshire 1 vs SURREY 1 Chichester 3rd vs SURREY 4th 7-0 SURREY 1 vs Brighton 1 1-4 Brighton 5th vs SURREY 5th 4-0 Hockey Squash Netball SURREY 1st vs Imperial Medics 1st Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 1st vs Kingston 1st 26-27 Hockey Roehampton 1st vs SURREY 1st 3-4 Squash for more fi xtures and results visit: Squash SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st st st busaresults.org.uk Royal Holloway 1 vs SURREY 1 3-2 SURREY 2nd vs Royal Holloway 2nd 24 SPORT 23 October 2003 teamsurrey Challenge Chops – American Football Dave ‘Chops’ Chapman takes his life in his hands and heads out onto the American Football pitch

Like the majority of people taking part in American chopsie dressed for battle | photo: pete nichols I got one of the slower times. This was followed by a 40- Football, I had never played before. This wasn’t the reason I yard sprint. Again this was repeated and the best time taken. was worried about this challenge, it was the other guys who Again I improved on my time but was slower than quite a joined me at the Varsity Centre on a Sunday morning for a few of the others. talk on tactics. With a couple of notable exceptions, they To fi nish off, was a bench press. With little doubt this was were all quite a bit bigger than me. The fact that I was going going to be my weakest event. I’m a very light build and to be wearing a helmet and shoulder pads was reassuring but have never done a bench press before. Taking my turn, I did not put me at ease. I’ve often heard people say “surely knew that a couple of the smaller guys in the group had you can’t feel it, its like rugby but with pads.” I’ll set the managed 3 repetitions. When I fi rst took the strain of the record straight, despite the protection, you can defi nitely still bar, I had doubts if I was going to be able to lift it once. feel it. It was very heavy. I managed 2 repetitions. Not too bad Following the “lecture,” we all went out onto the ATP for a considering that at 70kg, I was lifting nearly 120% of my warm up and some stretching. Involving just a short run, the body weight. Some of the larger guys however managed warm up was fairly basic. The stretching was far from basic. over 20 repetitions and I think one guy got over 30. We did all the usual suspects, a few less common ones and Next up was the rough stuff. The fact I’m carrying an old some I can safely say I’ve never seen before. They really shoulder injury meant I wasn’t looking forward to this. But did their job. with a helmet and a big set of shoulder pads, I thought I Following this was some fi tness testing. Not something I had would give it a go. We paired up and practised the correct been expecting but something, which they will be repeating action from about half a metre away. The group was then 3 more times in the year in order to monitor and encourage split into two and we practiced at a 1⁄4 speed. Then the pace improved fi tness. This started off with a progressive shuttle was upped to full speed. My fi rst full speed “hit” was with run test, more often known as a bleep test, which you might one of the coaches, Franz. I went fl ying and it hurt a lot. remember from school. Essentially you have to run back Infact I think its fair to say that it hurt more than any of and forth between 2 markers placed 20 metres apart with a the other hits that afternoon, despite the fact that a number series of bleeps dictating how fast you run. Starting off at of them were with guys a fair bit larger than the coach. little more than a walking pace, the bleeps get faster as each Despite getting dominated in the tackling, the coaches said level is reached. Slowly the numbers of people taking part I should come back and that I could do well. Perhaps there decreased. After a while, everyone but 2 others and myself is a position which involves lots of running and not much had dropped out. On the 11th level the 2 others called it quits tackling, because I wouldn’t have a hope of stopping a lot of and I’m proud to say I managed to last into level 12. The 10 yards between each one. You start off at the middle the guys out there. encouragement and support aimed at all participants at all marker at right angles to the line. You then run to one of the Although I walked away from it all with my shoulder still fi tness levels was impressive. side markers, run to the other side marker and run back to intact, I wasn’t unscathed. I ended up with a painful ankle We were then split into groups for the rest of fi tness testing. the centre marker, against the clock. The majority of people (although I was only wearing trainers), two painful hips My group moved onto “the jingle-jangle” which tests taking part on this test posted around 5 seconds. This was and two painful jaws. As I said at the start of this report, directional speed. Three markers are set out in a line around repeated and the fastest time taken. Although I improved, despite the pads, you still defi nitely feel it.

now in all good book shops. Listen to the Ladies Squash Battle Hard SPORTS PROFILE sports show on 1350 AM GU2 Thursday BY KIRSTIE THOMPSON SPECIAL from 1pm to hear a full interview with Alec Stewart. We were all a bit nervous as this was our fi rst match as a team and for some members of the Name: Alec Stewart team it was their fi rst competitive match ever! After a little detour around the suburbs of West London we fi nally arrived and met our Nicknames: Stewie, Emperor Ming (from opposition. The team from Royal Holloway were very friendly and welcoming. Pippa my Surrey team mates) played fi rst - a good game but unfortunately she lost to the Royal Holloway girl. Meanwhile Sport: Cricket (former England captain, Magda won her match on the other court. This was quite an achievement for her as she has most capped English player) only been playing for 3 weeks and her opponent has been playing for 3 years! Vicky played Test Debut: Eng v Win at Kingston, 1st a good match against a girl called Danny but unfortunately she was beaten. Our number 1 Test, 1989-1990 seed, Shea-Maine was next on court against their number 1 player. Shea-Maine’s opponent was very strong and Maine (battling through her illness) was unable to beat her. ODI Debut: Eng v Sri at Delhi, Nehru The fi nal match was extremely close and was by far the longest match. Amanda managed to Cup, 1989-1990 beat the Royal Holloway girls 10-9 in the third game after getting 1 game each. Well done to Hobbies and Interests: Chelsea Football the whole team! Although the end result was 3-2 to Royal Holloway, I thought that everyone Club, spending time with my family did really well considering this was our fi rst match. Most memorable sporting moment: Scoring hundreds in both innings of a test The Sports Show on GU2 match in the West Indies. Winning the test Thursdays 4-5 | With TUG & TIM series against South Africa as captain. Campus phone: 811350 Most embarrassing Sporting Moment: Ex: 01483 681350 Being mistaken for my dad Email / MSN: [email protected] The Plug: My new autobiography is out