Rep. David Vs. President Goliath
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Vol. CCLII, Live Free! or Die No. 19 The New Hampshire Gazette First Class U.S. Postage Paid June 13, The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Portsmouth, N.H., Permit No. 75 2008 PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com Address Service Requested The Fortnightly Rant Over a Barrel Last Friday, June 6, the price Exchange is about $25 trillion, of oil shot up eight percent in a that means $750 billion dollars single day. A gallon of gas now vanished that day. costs four bucks. That is four In Pentagonese, Wall Street times what it cost early in 2002, was acting as a “force multiplier” before the Bush administration in this case, making a bad situ- began rattling its saber at Sad- ation a whole lot worse. At the dam Hussein. current rate of expenditure, the money that evaporated could have covered the Pentagon’s ex- penses in Iraq War for another six years. Technically, of course, none of this is news. Not anymore. It happened a week ago, and every news outlet in the country has Cost of Gas, 2001 - 2008 beaten it to death. So, here’s the news: Dr. Mam- in the oil business, it would be downward pressure on prices Pope Alexander’s Line of De- That same Friday, the Labor douh Salameh, an oil economist now. Presuming, of course, that might result from increasing our marcation, and the lost lives of Department released the unem- whose clients include the World he or she were honest and intel- domestic oil supply by a whop- tens of thousands of enslaved ployment rate for May. It jumped Bank and the UN, was quoted on ligent. Back on this planet, before ping 3.9 percent. Indians and African miners, al- half a point in a single month. May 27, in the (London) Inde- President George W. Bush flew But only the most resolutely lowed Charles the First of Spain That hasn’t happened for nearly pendent, saying “the price of oil east on Monday to annoy the Eu- gullible person would look to this to originate the boast, “in my a generation. * would now be no more than $40 ropeans, he offered his solution president for sensible guidance. realm the sun never sets.” But The Dow Jones Industrial Av- a barrel, less than a third of the to the problem of high oil prices: Just a few months ago, on Febru- Spain’s fortunes declined due to erage responded to this one-two record $135 a barrel reached last put oil rigs in the Arctic National ary 28, a reporter mentioned to bureaucratic sclerosis and pri- punch by dropping almost 400 week, if it had not been for the Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) and Bush that analysts were predict- vateers like Henry Morgan. No points, or three percent. Since Iraq war.” on the continental shelf.** ing $4 a gallon gas. In a moment longer an empire, its Gross Do- the cumulative value of the stocks We have long suspected that If Congress OK’d drilling in reminiscent of his father’s bedaz- mestic Product (GDP) is now traded on the New York Stock George W. Bush’s optional, pre- ANWR, 2013 would be the ear- zlement when first beholding a one-tenth that of the U.S. emptive, under-false-premises liest oil would begin to arrive at supermarket checkout scanner, A line of British monarchs lat- * As we were writing this, that old devil curiosity grabbed ahold of us yet again. “Just invasion of Iraq was the first U.S. refineries. America’s daily the younger Bush replied, “That’s er appropriated Charles’s conceit how long,” we wondered, “is a generation?” domino in the current world- consumption of oil in 2013 is interesting. I hadn’t heard that.” and applied it to their own em- So we went looking for an answer. According to RaptureReady.com, there wide financial panic, but we’re currently estimated at 22.5 mil- 4 pire. It later succumbed to the were 42 generations between Abraham and not global experts. lion barrels a day. The highest In May of 1493, Pope Alexan- one-two punch of a couple of Christ, over a period of time that spanned On Monday, we searched estimate of ANWR’s potential der VI drew the Line of Demar- World Wars. Now a mere United about 2,160 years. They therefore conclude that a generation averages about 51.4 years. Google News for “Mamdouh daily output is about 876,000 cation on a map of the world. The Kingdom with a loosely config- Modern-day genealogists disagree. Salameh.” So far as we can tell, barrels a day. So if we take Mr. line determined which far-flung ured Commonwealth, its GDP is Typically they consider a generation to be outside of Alternet.org, where Bush’s advice, we might hope to regions belonged to Portugal, but one-fifth of ours. about 25 years, deriving their calculations from their family trees, rather than the we found it, we’re the first Amer- see results five years from now, and which to Spain. Spain got Since the War to End All Wars Bible. ican news medium to pass along in the form of whatever slight the better half; Alexander was a in 1918, the U.S. has ridden the Based on the principle that, like everything else, they don’t make humans Dr. Salameh’s finding. Valencian by birth. (This was a internal combustion engine to like they used to, we’re siding with the 4 ** Perhaps out of deference to Senator Ted busy year for Alexander—he also victory over the bones of earlier genealogists on this question. If ever there were a time when Kennedy, just released from the hospital hosted a decadent Vatican wed- empires, but it looks like our sun The last time unemployment jumped after brain surgery for a malignant tumor, half a percent in a single month was 22 you might hope it would help to Bush stopped short of specifically endorsing ding for his thirteen year-old is about to set. We’ll get used to years ago. have a president with experience oil wells in the waters off Hyannis. daughter, Lucretia Borgia.) it. Spain and Britain did. News Briefs Rep. David vs. President Goliath The second week of the fort- ing on Kucinich’s impeachment out ammunition, without trade.” tion are flying across the sky with expiate hardcore sins. Consider- night got off to an uncommon- resolution “would create a divi- “[A] continent of 1000 miles sea such frequency and velocity that ing what’s gone on the past eight ly good start, with Rep. Dennis sive battle,” and be “a distraction” coast” would be helpless “defend- we really need an air traffic con- years, this looks like a growth Kucinich (D-OH) launching that “would ultimately fail.” ing themselves without one ship trol system to track them. genre for the publishing racket. a cluster-bomb of a resolution The Pelosi/Elshami argument of war against 500 Battle ships In our May 30 issue we barely Ari Fleischer, Bush’s first press Monday night, containing 35 in- for ignoring George W. Bush’s completely manned and fitted.” managed to mention that former secretary, had a lean, hungry, and dividual article of impeachment history of high crimes and mis- Unless we were certain of vic- Bush press secretary Scott Mc- intelligent look about him. He bomblets targeted at President demeanors rang a faint bell in the tory, it would be foolish to stand Clellan has written a book: What seemed smarter than his boss, George W. Bush. On Tuesday, dim recesses of our editorial nog- on principle and fight. Far better, Happened. We haven’t read it, but which may be why he bailed out Rep. Robert Wexler (D-FL) be- gin. A bit of rummaging in the he thought, to be practical. The even so it reminds us of How to shortly after the U.S. invasion of came a co-sponsor. As press time archives refreshed our memory. colonies should knuckle under, Rig an Election, Allen Raymond’s Iraq. McClellan was Fleischer’s approached, however, it appeared On January 9, 1766 Daniel and submit to the abritrary de- memoir of his sordid political ca- antithesis on all three counts. that the insurgency had spread Fowle, the founder of this pa- pradations of Parliament and the reer, up to and including his role Plodding and unimaginative, he no farther. per, published a letter asking the King. * in jamming Democratic phone could stand at the podium in- Speaker of the House Nancy question, “Can we gain Indepen- What [The #@%&] Happened [?] lines for the New Hampshire definitely, repeating inanities and Pelosi (D-CA) had previously dence?” Further, it asked, “If we Bits and pieces of the incred- GOP during the 2002 election— absorbing slings and arrows, un- and pre-emptively declared that gain [independence] can we sup- ible exploding Bush administra- another hard-cover attempt to til finally he went blind staring impeachment was “off the table.” port ourselves in it?” The letter * Daniel was not endorsing Junius’ House tell us no more about this dispute. into the headlights of the White A response to the impeach- was signed “Junius.” argument, just publishing his letter to fulfill We do know that publication was suspended House press corps. McClellan ment resolution was issued by “[A]ll Great Britain” was “unit- the paper’s responsibility to carry the public for four months, and that Daniel’s former was perfect, as long as he stayed debate.